#Jeep Backup Camera

[productinsights297]

Welcome to our channel! In this video, we present the ultimate solution for enhancing your vehicle's safety - the Reverse Camera 3.0. With its HD 149° wide rear view, this license plate backup camera ensures you never miss a thing while reversing. Designed to withstand various weather conditions, it is IP69K waterproof certified. Say goodbye to dark evenings with the IR night vision feature. In this comprehensive guide, we walk you through the easy DIY grid installation process, allowing you to set up the Reverse Camera 3.0 effortlessly. We'll show you step-by-step how to mount the camera on cars, trucks, pickups, SUVs, RVs, vans, and even Jeeps! Join us on this journey to safer driving with the Reverse Camera 3.0. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more informative content on automotive accessories and upgrades! #ReverseCamera3 #LicensePlateBackupCamera #HDWideRearView #IP69KWaterproof #IRNightVision #EasyMountDIYGrid #CarSafetyUpgrades #VehicleAccessories #AutomotiveTech #SaferDrivingTips

[toytulini]

Its just. a truck. a shit ass truck, that sucks shit more than any other trucks on the road rn, which is impressive considering how bad modern trucks are. definitely not a sedan. not a van, its not a hatchback, its not an suv. It's got a bed for sure, even if its covered, they sell ? pickups with covered beds, or covers to put over the bed of a pickup you already own, to protect the bed. these exist. they dont turn the truck into a sedan or a van or an suv. Its just a extraordinarily shitty truck. It is a truck that sucks worse than any other truck you can buy rn which, as a truck hater, and a hater of cars made after like, 20teens at the latest, who thinks all trucks are disgusting and awful, is already a low bar. I'm not sure I get what we're doing here. Its just a truck that sucks. theres plenty of shit about it to make fun of it for relentlessly, theres no shortage of material here, you dont need to disparage the good name of any other these other vehicles, especially not a sedan, our last bastion left in usamerica against the ever encroaching light truck category taking over completely, since compacts and sub-compacts arent really available here anymore, not new models anyway.

Its a bad shitty truck, that is designed to live exclusively in the mildest, dryest, of climates with no weather at all, with a dedicated garage, and never do anything more strenuous than transport groceries for a single generic cishet nuclear family with 2.5 kids.

wait a sec. the cybertruck aint even a truck. it aint even a van, there's only the two rows of seating. mf's a sedan with angles

[audiomobile]

How To Use Apple Carplay In Your Car

Apple CarPlay is an infotainment system that allows you to access your iPhone in your car. It lets you make calls, send messages, listen to music and get directions straight from your phone without having to use a different interface or take it out of your pocket.

What is Apple CarPlay?

CarPlay is a mobile operating system, which means it's an app that runs on your iPhone and allows you to do things like play music or make calls. When you use CarPlay in your car, it looks just like an iPhone on the dashboard screen. You can also control some functions of CarPlay with buttons on your steering wheel or other parts of the car's interior.

How do I access/install/use Apple CarPlay?

You can use Apple CarPlay with your iPhone 5 or later in your car. If you don't have an iPhone, check out our article on Android Auto instead!

To connect your phone to the car via USB:

Plug one end of a USB cable into an available port on your vehicle's dashboard or center console. The other end should plug into one of the ports on the bottom edge of your phone (if there are multiple ports available).

What car models that come with Apple CarPlay?

Apple CarPlay is available on all new cars from Volkswagen, Jaguar, Land Rover and others. Apple Carplay is also available on many new aftermarket head units.

Apple CarPlay will not be available for older vehicles that have their own native apps such as Ford SYNC 3 or Volvo On Call.

How much does it cost to use apple carplay in your car?

The cost of Apple CarPlay varies depending on what kind of vehicle you have and where you buy it. If you're buying a new car, the dealer will likely include the cost of Apple CarPlay in the price of your vehicle. For example, when we bought our 2019 Toyota Camry SE V6, it came with one year free access to Apple CarPlay.

If you're looking to get an aftermarket system installed in an older model car or truck (or even if your dealer doesn't offer this service), there are several options available:

Buy an aftermarket head unit from Amazon or another retailer

Install an Android Auto-compatible system yourself using our guide here.

Audiomobile provides Apple CarPlay. You can control your phone and stream music to your vehicle through the touchscreen display or voice controls. Play car is easy to install and compatible with most vehicles.

Audiomobile 24031 Mission Blvd, Hayward, CA 94544, United States +1 510-839-1992 https://audiomobilehayward.com/

[smollbean42905]

Part Two

Belen whips out his phone and records everything while Lyre begins to put everything back. He puts his phone away and helps her, it takes them an hour or so until every piece of furniture is where it was earlier.

"Tomorrow I will go back to the place where this started. I don't think the spirits want me to.." She closes the final kitchen cabinet as Belen puts a chair on the ground

"it seems like it." Belen replies shortly as Lyre gets the bag and takes out the equipment they bought. She puts the bag into her room containing the things she bought for herself and Belen. They tested everything out but getting no response from anything but the thermal scanner's temperature kept going up and down. Later that night Belen is waiting in the car for Lyre. He taps his foot on the side of the jeep and stares ahead of him. Lyre finally comes outside putting on her glasses and zipping up the backpack. She puts the bag into the open trunk and closes it. She gets into the passenger seat and lets out a small sigh and leans into her chair. Belen starts the jeep and starts to slow drive to Haven Reformery for part two. Lyre sets up the camera and starts to video today.

"Hello people. Good morning, night, evening, and afternoon for those around the world. Today we are going back to the place where the last few videos have started. But Belen isn't going in with me. We will be on facetime the entire time and I'm gonna have a harness go pro on. Belen, are you going to drop me off as close to the building as you can or the parking lot?"

"As close as I can obviously." He chuckles a bit and looks at Lyre for a second. He looks back at the road and keeps driving. After a while they pass the parking lot and Lyre straightens up as her anxiety raises. Belen notices but says nothing and keeps driving. After another few minutes down the dark and ominous road Belen parks on the side of the road but doesn't turn the car off, he just puts it in park.

"Should I see if I can drive closer?"

"The woods are too dense."

"true, I guess this is as far as I can get then... I'll see if I can get a bit closer while you're in there." Lyre nods and gets her phone out. It was at 100% battery with the power saver on so it stays on for as long as possible. Belen watches her silently and gets out of the jeep to get her bag. He opens the trunk and gets her bag out and opens it making sure she has everything to find a way to make them go home knowing that this wouldn't happen tonight if they did go back. She has everything.. He closes her bag and goes to her door as she opens it, the harness over her chest and a small headlamp on so she doesn't have to worry about a flashlight. They just changed the battery that night and she has extra in her bag so she has backups in case something happens.

Belen sighs softly and takes out his phone,

"When I close my door, call me so we can be on facetime the entire time you're out of this jeep. If something happens and the call stops or the camera stops out of random and you can't recall me, You come right back here as fast as you can." Lyre nods and the go pro caught all of that speech. She stays in place as Belen hands her her bag and she puts it on her back. Belen hesitates a bit before walking to his side of the jeep and goes into the jeep as Lyre gets her phone out. As soon as the door closes Lyre facetimes Belen with the camera showing in front of her using her back camera. Belen answers immediately and she keeps the phone in the camera's view. Belen starts a screen recorder so people can see his view. Lyre begins walking and watches her feet most of the time. She goes to the back of the building knowing the entrance there more than the front one. She goes inside and looks around.

Because of the darkness, the lobby looks more like a horror movie. The light from the moon shines through the windows creating a creepy fog like look around some of the floor.

"We should have come back in the morning..."

"If you want we can do that, you can come back right now and we can do this later. You having a panic attack right now is not good" Belen replies to her.

"I got this. As long as I have light, I'll be alright." Belen nods a bit and Lyre goes in the opposite direction from the morgue entering a hallway they've never been down. She looks around but focuses on the white door that looks pristine, not knowing what kind of room it is and the room right above it.

She tries to open the door but can't, she places her backpack down and puts her phone down flipping the camera so it faces her and she puts it on her bag so Belen can see her. She puts her ear to the door and hears nothing. She waits for a bit and still hears nothing so she backs up a bit and raises her leg. Belen watches in silence as Lyre slams her foot into the seam between the door making it slam open.

"If anyone is here, they definitely know I'm here.." She whispers and Looks back down the hallway. She pauses and hears nothing. Not even wind or a mouse scurrying across the floor. She picks up her phone after reaching down and putting on her backpack as she finally looks into the room. She flips her phone camera again and shows Belen the room. There were tons of body bags, hazard bins, and cabinets that looked fully stocked but were locked. Lyre goes further inside and steps on a body bag by accident. Something squishy under her feet. She freezes and lifts her food up slowly, putting it beside the squishy object. She looks at her phone and flips the camera to face her. She Kneels down and explains what just happened

"I felt someone squish under my foot....It's in a closed body bag....Belen, should I open it?"

"no, get up and leave the room. The less time you're in there the better." Lyre ignores him and opens the bag slowly, the silence between Belen and Lyre grows as she looks inside the bag. Her anxiety rushes forward as her eyes slowly focus on the object that was below her feet only moments ago. Her eyes finally focuses as she lets out a small sigh

"just a mouse...it's been there for a while.." Belen lets out a small sigh and leans back in his chair resting his head against the seat. Lyre slowly raises and slowly moves further into the room watching her feet slightly. She reaches the middle of the room and spins slowly to look around the room quickly. No windows. Only one door. A small trap door in the wall that Lyre suspected was a body shoot.

"This must have been a second morgue for when the actual morgue was full.." Lyre whispers softly and turns towards the door, she thought she saw someone so she ducks and goes to the wall quickly and scurries to the door to stay hidden. The phone camera was still facing her so Belen saw the fear in her face. No noise is heard for a minute so Lyre pokes her head out and sees nothing. She stands and goes into the hallway silently and slowly. She walks down the hallway again entering the lobby. She looks up the stairs and flips the camera around again so Belen can see the stairs. His eyes widened as he looked. The moonlight shines down the stairs creating a movie scene type feel of the room. She walks up the stairs slowly listening to every eerie creak from the stairs. As she walks up the stairs she looks around quickly and when she enters the intersection of the two hallways from the first video she looks down both hallways moving around and showing Belen the darkness.

"Which hallway are you going to go down first?" Belen breaks the silence.

"The dark one. I've already gone down the lighter one." Lyre turns to the right and goes down the darkest hallway, because the sunlight has retired for the night; the hallway seems black as night and like a neverending void. Lyre looks around keeping her phone close and ignores the doors she passes until she reaches the same Lavender door that Belen opened. It was still open from when Belen rushed out. She goes to the center of the room and sits down using the red chair as a holding place for her phone but keeping it perched up to face her. She faces the door that she left open, and gets out the spirit box and the emf recorder. She lays them in front of her and she turns on the spirit box breaking the silence with the static sound of the device. She speaks,

"Is anyone here?" no response.

"Jane Keith?" a small response that was inaudible and couldn't be understood.

"Leo Goldy?"

"Hello"

was the first intelligible response.

"Alright then, hello Mr. Goldy. How many are in this room?"

"five"

"five...you...who else?"

"Owner....innocent..... girl...... JJ."

"Leo Brain. Nando Braggi. Jane Keith. James Brian. Am I correct?"

"yes."

"alright then...can I talk to one of the others in the room?" she gets 5 different responses but all at once. She looks at the emf detector and is at the red light and doesn't look like it will stop.

"Can I talk to Jane Keith?"

"no."

she sighs and speaks

"I want to talk to her." there is no response.

"James? I have your teddy bear with me." She takes out the bear and holds it in her lap.

"buck.."

"Is it named Buck?"

"yes...stupid.."

two different voices show through. One was male and the other was female.

"don't be mean Jane." no response. That went on for a while until there was 5 minutes of no responses and the emf detector slowly went to green.

"You are welcome to come home with me James. Only James." She shuts off the spirit box and puts it both away.

"Lyre, it's almost 3am. I would recommend coming back to the car." Lyre nods and she stands gathering her belongings. She holds the bear and her phone in her hands as she quickly leaves the room and walks down the hallway. As she walks all of the doors slam open around her making her scream in fright. She quickly runs down the hallway and down the stairs as Belen watches terrified. Lyre gets down the stairs as she starts to feel like she's being watched. She looks back up at the stairs for a second and sees nothing. She runs out of the haunting building as the feeling of being watched never leaves until she's in the woods but she never stops running until she sees the car in view, that only pushes her more. She left like she was doing the mile run in the gym with the car being the final point as she finished her last lap. Lyre quickly gets in the car as Belen ends the call with her breathing heavily. Belen puts a camera on the dashboard and starts it staying quiet. Lyre looks forward as she shakes a bit as the adrenaline slowly stops pumping through her veins.

"Whenever you're ready. I'm gonna start the car and drive us home alright?" Belen speaks softly like she's a piece of fragile glass. Lyre nods and puts her backpack in front of herself by her feet and takes off the gopro putting in at her feet as well. 

[tapanjeep]

Enhance Your Ride: Jeep Accessories Near Me

What Are Jeep Accessories?

Jeep accessories are specially designed products that enhance the performance, functionality, and style of your Jeep vehicle. These accessories range from practical upgrades to aesthetic enhancements, allowing you to customize your Jeep to meet your specific needs and preferences. Whether you own a Jeep Compass or another Jeep model, there is a wide array of accessories available to make your vehicle uniquely yours.

Types of Jeep Accessories

Performance Upgrades

Enhance your Jeep's capabilities with performance accessories. These include:

All-Terrain Tires: Improve traction and durability for off-road adventures.

Lift Kits: Increase ground clearance for better off-road performance.

Performance Exhaust Systems: Enhance engine power and efficiency.

Upgraded Suspension: Provide a smoother ride and better handling.

Protection and Durability

Protect your Jeep from the elements and tough terrains with these accessories:

Skid Plates: Shield the undercarriage from rocks and debris.

Rock Rails: Protect the sides of your Jeep from damage.

All-Weather Floor Mats: Keep the interior clean and protected from mud and water.

Mud Flaps: Prevent mud and debris from hitting the vehicle’s body.

Interior Comfort and Convenience

Enhance the interior of your Jeep for a more comfortable and organized ride:

Seat Covers: Protect and customize your seats with durable covers.

Cargo Organizers: Keep your cargo area neat and accessible.

Premium Audio Systems: Upgrade your sound system for a better audio experience.

Sunshades and Wind Deflectors: Improve comfort and reduce glare.

Exterior Enhancements

Boost your Jeep's exterior look and functionality:

Custom Grilles: Give your Jeep a distinctive front-end look.

Roof Racks: Increase storage capacity for gear and luggage.

Light Bars and Additional Lighting: Improve visibility during night drives and off-roading.

Off-Road Bumpers: Enhance protection and add a rugged look.

Benefits of Installing Jeep Accessories

Personalized Style

Jeep accessories allow you to personalize your vehicle, making it uniquely yours. Whether you prefer a rugged, off-road look or a more refined, urban style, there are accessories to match your preferences. Personalizing your Jeep with high-quality accessories adds a distinctive touch that sets it apart from others on the road.

Improved Functionality

Accessories such as roof racks, tow hitches, and cargo management systems enhance the functionality of your Jeep. These additions make it easier to transport gear, tow trailers, and organize your belongings, making your Jeep more practical for everyday use and outdoor adventures.

Enhanced Safety

Safety is paramount, and Jeep accessories can contribute to a safer driving experience. Adding features like additional lighting, backup cameras, and upgraded brake systems improves visibility and control, helping you navigate challenging conditions with confidence.

Community and Culture

Owning a Jeep is about being part of a community that values adventure and camaraderie. Adding accessories to your Jeep often becomes a conversation starter and a way to connect with other Jeep enthusiasts. Whether at events, meetups, or online forums, sharing tips and experiences about accessories fosters a sense of belonging and mutual support.

Finding Jeep Accessories Near Me

When looking for Jeep accessories, finding a reputable and conveniently located supplier is crucial. Here are some benefits of visiting your local Jeep accessory store:

Expert Advice

Local stores offer personalized service from knowledgeable staff who can guide you in selecting the right accessories for your Jeep. They can provide recommendations based on your vehicle model, driving habits, and specific needs, ensuring you make informed choices.

Quality Assurance

Purchasing from a local store ensures you get genuine Jeep accessories that are designed to fit and perform perfectly with your vehicle. These accessories come with warranties and quality assurance, giving you peace of mind.

Installation Services

Many local stores offer professional installation services for the accessories you purchase. This ensures that the accessories are installed correctly and safely, maximizing their performance and longevity.

Community Engagement

Local stores often host events, workshops, and community gatherings for Jeep owners. These events provide a platform for learning more about your vehicle, meeting other Jeep enthusiasts, and participating in fun and educational activities.

Visit Your Local Jeep Accessories Store

To explore and purchase Jeep accessories, visit your nearest Jeep accessory store. The staff will guide you through the available options, help you understand the benefits of each accessory, and ensure you make an informed decision. Start enhancing your Jeep with quality accessories by visiting the store today.

For more information and to locate your nearest store, visit Tapan Industries' Jeep Accessories Page. Discover why Jeep accessories are the preferred choice for many Jeep owners and find the perfect additions that suit your lifestyle and needs.

[jonnowrites]

Kids With Laser Guns

Thought I'd kick off my new blog by posting a little cyberpunk themed one-shot I finished the other day. Hope you enjoy it!

CW: Cursing

The skunk anthro felt right at home skulking beneath the highway turnoff. The pillar she leaned on was a mess of assorted graffiti and anti-corp slogans, some smarter than others. The occasional gunshot and distant blaring siren penetrated the music from a nearby nightclub.

“Chilly tonight,” she said, tugging at the lapels of her red jacket. Her faded blue pants sported a holster on each side, both carrying a pistol. Her flat sneakers were worn from a lot of running. “Least it’s not raining, huh?”

She turned her head toward a brown-furred wolf anthro, wearing a white mask with red digital markings that occasionally flickered between lines and circles. Her fit torso was covered by a grey-blue shirt beneath a black suit coat. Her dark blue jeans stopped above the heels of her black boots. Her ebony hair was tied into a bun. She stood up straight, her eyes laser-focused on the road as cars drove by. She only broke that stare to look up at the passing hover-rides, in case any cops or CorProtect agents were overhead.

“They are late,” she said quietly in Japanese. She gripped her sleeve irritably.

“It’s old-school scare tactics,” the skunk assured her. Her cybernetic aural implants translated anything her partner said into perfect English. “They’re trying to get us antsy by making us wait.”

“I’m a little nervous myself” a third young woman’s voice sounded in the skunk’s ear, carrying a Latino lilt. 

“What about? We’re doing the dirty work while you’re nice and safe in the car, as always.”

“I’m nervous for you two. You never know how deals will turn out, right?”

“We’ll be fine, girl. You got eyes on us?”

“Corner store.” The skunk looked toward the street corner and saw a blinking camera pointed in her direction. “The circuit covers the whole block. See me?”

The wolf curtly nodded her head. The skunk raised her middle finger with a smirk.

“Very mature.” Her eye roll was almost audible. “Okay, here they come now. Look professional, please.”

The skunk got off the pillar and stretched her arms before flicking some messy white hair from her eyes. “When do I not?”

The two watched as a topless military jeep pulled off the road and pulled up beneath the overpass. A small gang of anthros piled out of the back, sneering in their stolen army fatigues and waving stolen guns. From the front passenger seat came a cougar, wearing a bulletproof vest over his T-shirt and grey camo pants with his black boots. His brown head of hair was slicked back. His left arm was fully silvered out, and was just as large and mean-looking as his organic one. He took the lead, towering over the two girls as he smirked down at them, his sharp fangs gleaming menacingly.

“Arch must think I’m a pushover,” he said, “if he’s sending a pair of runts to make this deal.”

“You know what they say about small packages,” the skunk said, putting her paws on her hips. “Call me Jax.”

“And who’s your bud, then?” asked the cougar. “Your backup?”

“Kiba here is a thousand samurai rolled into one,” said Jax, patting the wolf’s back. “Fuckin’ steel tornado.”

Kiba stared daggers behind her mask at the guys behind the cougar, making one of them take a step back.

“Never told me who you are, though,” Jax continued. She tilted her head and noticed the stripes on his shirt sleeve, beneath a US flag with the stars replaced with a white wolf’s howling profile. “Take it you’re a Sergeant in New Glory?”

“Heh, you know your shit,” said the cougar. “Name’s Sergeant Cruz. This here’s my platoon.”

Of course, Jax didn’t need to ask. She’d had enough close calls with the New Glory street gang to recognise their structure, though not so close that they’d recognise her on sight. New Glory liked to think of themselves as the second coming of the US Army, giving themselves ranks and uniforms, but they were just a bunch of gangbangers cosplaying as fascists. Their boss, General Clash, ran the Silktown district with an iron fist. Two of them, in fact.

“Alright,” said Jax, “let’s get to bizz. You got Arch’s new toy?”

Cruz clicked his organic fingers. One of his boys dragged a briefcase out of the jeep and put it in his paw. Jax noted the distinct StarGuard logo on the side.

“Shit, I can’t see inside the case,” the Latina hissed in Jax’s ear. “It must be padded.”

She kept a perfect poker face. “Let’s see it.”

Cruz shrugged and opened the case, lifting out what looked like an assault rifle. “Watch this,” he said as he lifted a thick battery from the case and connected it beneath the rifle with a click. The battery glowed red, as did some lights around the rifle. He pointed it to a pillar and held the trigger down. The battery started spinning and a whirring noise came from the rifle as it fired bursts of light. The tasteful ‘All Corps Are Bastards’ graffiti on the concrete was peppered by large burn scores.

“The Heat Burster,” said Cruz as he turned the rifle around in his grip. “Fuck if I know how it works, but it’s some cool shit, right?”

“The coolest,” Jax gawked, her large tail flicking. “I didn’t think StarGuard was going into laser tech.”

“The info we got says they wanna replace old school leadslingers with these,” said Cruz. as he took the battery off with his cyber paw. Jax saw it turn red with heat. “Tell Arch to be careful playing with it - shit gets hot.”

“Well, I’m happy,” said Jax, grinning as she reached a paw out for the briefcase. She flinched slightly when Cruz pulled it away from her.

“Slow down there, stripe,” he barked. “I showed you mine, so you show me yours.”

“My bad, got caught in the moment,” said Jax as she reached into her pocket. She fished out a credit chip and held it out to him. “Here you go, not a cent more or less.”

“Let’s see it.” Cruz took the chip and handed it to one of his boys, who inserted it into a slot behind his ear. His eyes glowed blue for a moment.

“Twenty-K,” he confirmed. “It’s legit.”

Cruz nodded and gave Jax the briefcase. “Don’t shoot your eye out. Or do, I don’t care.”

“Pleasure doing business.” Jax patted Kiba on the arm. “Let’s scurry.”

Kiba gave the New Glory boys a final warning glare before turning to follow Jax back to the car. Hiding beneath the overpass was a cheap sedan with faded and chipped orange paint, pointing toward the road. 

Jax knocked the back passenger window and watched it roll down to reveal an ocelot woman. A young adult like Jax and Kiba, dressed in a black coat with purple highlights and an upturned collar. Her green pixie cut only slightly hid the violet-tinted goggles over her eyes. The splotches on her fur faded from blue to pink to green and other bright colours, like small lava lamps. Her gloves had blue, jagged lines running along the tops of her fingers to the tips.

“One experimental laser gun,” Jax said, passing the briefcase through the window. “Hold on tight to it, Oscura.”

“If that’s what stops me from melting myself,” the ocelot remarked in that Latino voice. “Let’s get out of here.”

Jax hopped into the driver’s seat while Kiba was already clipping her seatbelt. She glanced over in Cruz’s direction a moment longer before driving back onto the road. She turned on the radio, grinning as an Analogue Era rock song started blaring through the speakers.

“Easy peasy,” she said, drumming her fingers on the wheel. “You think Andy would mind if we took it for a spin before we get home?”

“Probably a bad idea,” said Oscura. “You might break it.”

“I will not!” Jax said indignantly. “C’mon, Kiba, back me up!”

“Do not play with the laser gun,” Kiba said flatly as she looked out the window.

Jax slumped back in her seat. “See if I let you two use the next cool gun we get.”

She drove through Central Square, and the sedan certainly looked out of place amongst the sleek sports cars and fancy corp vans. The anthros on the streets were dressed in style, wearing faux-fur coats and jackets bearing glittering lights. Holo-ads projected scantily dressed anthro girls showing off junk food and the latest fashion and cyberware on the sidewalk. 

The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows, as Kiba once said. Jax thought it described the city of Nueva Angeles perfectly.

“Oh, shit,” Oscura muttered in Spanish. “We have a problem.”

“Sup?” asked Jax. Kiba’s ears perked up to attention.

“I just intercepted some texts between Cruz and General Clash. About the Heat Burster.”

Jax shrugged. “If he feels ripped off, that’s Arch’s problem.”

“That’s not it.” Oscura’s paw typed in the air as windows opened and closed on her goggles. “Here, read this.”

A set of text windows appeared in Jax’s peripheral vision. She had gotten good at reading them while driving at this point, hence why the sedan only had a few dents.

Sgt Cruz Ya we got the cash. All 20 K

Gnrl Clash Good good. Did Arch’s buyer give u trouble?

Sgt Cruz Nah she was chill abt it. Didnt think Arch would send a pup tho

Gnrl Clash She?? U were waitin for a weasel called Marco

Sgt Cruz ? He didnt send a skunk called Jax??

Gnrl Clash WHO TF IS JAX

Jax bit her lip as the texts disappeared. Kiba tensed up next to her, having no doubt read them with her own ocular implants.

“Well, we’re too far away for them to find now, right?” Jax tried, her voice shaking.

A yelp escaped her when her rear-view mirror suddenly shattered from a speeding bullet. Cars swerved and honked their horns as Cruz’s jeep came speeding down the crowded street toward them.

Jax put her foot down and sped the sedan along the road, weaving around other cars and narrowly avoiding pedestrians. The car was a lot faster than it looked thanks to some modifying. Naturally, most add-ons weren’t exactly street-legal.

“Shit shit shit!” she hissed.

“We need to lose them!” yelled Oscura.

“Oh, do we?!” snapped Jax as she drifted onto another street. The jeep kept pursuit and fired more shots.

“Watch where you’re shooting!” Cruz roared, the three hearing him clearly thanks to Oscura tapping into his comm unit. “We can’t lose the gun!”

Jax grabbed a pistol and pointed it out the window, recklessly firing in the jeep’s direction while keeping her eyes on the road.

“Am I hitting it?!”

Oscura poked her head over the back seat. “You got a headlight.”

Jax made another sharp turn onto a narrow street, weaving onto the empty sidewalk to avoid an oncoming delivery scooter. The scooter itself then weaved to avoid the oncoming jeep of jeering anthros. Jax flinched when a bullet clipped the driver door.

“This is getting nowhere,” she growled. “I’ll lose them on the highway.”

She sped toward an exit from the road and oversteered, manipulating the handbrake to drift the car up the onramp. The tires screeched while they coughed up a cloud of smoke, and the sedan was soon rushing along the crowded highway.

“Was the drift necessary?” asked Obscura.

“If by ‘necessary’ you mean ‘cool as fuck,’” Jax grinned, “then yes it was.”

“That is absolutely not what I meant.”

A bullet ricocheted on the road next to the sedan, and Jax looked behind her to see Cruz’s jeep was recklessly weaving around the fancier cars to get right up next to the girls. His boys pointed their pistols and assault rifles at them.

“What’s your problem?” she groaned. “You got the money!”

“You’re not who we agreed to sell to!” Cruz roared. “Hand over the gun and this’ll be over!”

“Can’t do that! We need it for our own thing!”

Cruz bared his fangs in a snarl. “Fine, fuck this. Prepare to fire!”

Jax swallowed as she watched the wannabe soldiers lock and load. She and Oscura slowly lowered their heads in hopes of not getting a bullet lodged in them.

Kiba, meanwhile, lowered her window and slunk out onto the car roof.

“The fuck are you doing?!” gasped Jax.

“Keep driving,” Kiba ordered. She reached for her side, and from beneath her suit coat came her katana. She gripped the black handle tight in her paws and its long, narrow blade glistened beautifully in the rapidly passing lights. Despite Jax’s rapid swerves to pass traffic, Kiba kept her balance perfectly as she turned the katana, poised to strike.

“Nice butter knife, wolfy,” one of the gangsters taunted, nonchalantly pointing his pistol at her. “I got this one, sir.”

He fired a shot, and Kiba changed the katana’s position. He yelped as he gripped his paw while the pistol fell onto the road.

“The fuck?!” he gasped.

“Lemme try,” his friend said and fired his own pistol. Kiba changed position again, and he grunted before he gripped his now bleeding leg.

“Alright, girly,” a third growled as he pointed an assault rifle at her. “Get some of this!”

He opened fire, and Kiba’s blade was a blur as it swung at the air. A few New Glory goons were sent reeling from speeding bullets, and the side of the jeep was peppered with holes. The driver lost control for a moment and had the jeep skidding behind the sedan.

Cruz snarled as he picked a bullet from his metal arm. “Alright, I’m done. Get me Irma.”

“But sir, what about the Heat Burster?” one of his platoon asked while the others busied themselves.

“We’ll get what’s left from the wreck.”

Jax and Oscura gawked when they saw Cruz lift an honest-to-god oversized bazooka and rest it on his shoulder while one of his goons loaded it from behind. With its six firing tubes, a digital laser sight and the StarGuard logo emblazoned across the rectangle casing, it was practically some kind of revolver dreamed up by a lunatic.

And just when Jax thought she was already completely and utterly fucked, her ears twitched from the all-too-familiar wailing of sirens. She looked in a mirror and saw a sleek drone speeding in the air behind the speeding vehicles. Another lowered altitude so both flanked the jeep, with a fleet of what looked like a dozen followed close behind. Their red and blue lights flashed amongst the white lamp posts along the highway.

“Nueva Angeles Police Department,” a robotic voice bellowed from all drones at once. “Lower your weapons and stop your vehicles in a safe fashion, or face heavy retaliation. You have ten seconds to comply.”

Jax groaned, almost smashing her head on the steering wheel before needing it to pass a van. “First that freak pulls a rocket launcher on us, and now we’ve got Chasers.”

“Eight.”

“I’ll try to breach their system,” said Oscura as she started typing at the air. “Just give me time.”

“Six.”

Kiba, meanwhile, watched unfettered as Cruz raised a boot on the jeep windshield to keep his balance. 

“Five.”

“Hold her steady,” he said with a sneer. “I’m gonna introduce this little bitch to Irma.”

“Four.”

Kiba readied her katana, poised to strike.

“Three.”

Cruz fired a missile that sailed through the air right toward Kiba.

“Two.”

Kiba swung her blade, and the missile careened back in Cruz’s direction.

“One.”

The missile flew into the rightmost drone and turned it into scrap metal from a glorious explosion. The jeep and multiple cars swerved and honked their horns in panic.

“Failure to comply detected,” the remaining drones said. The bottom of their chassis opened and a turret appeared, starting to fizzle with electricity. “Aggressive force authorised. A squad of officers has been called.”

Cruz snarled and fired another missile, which Kiba deflected into another drone. The remaining pursuers started barraging the jeep and the sedan with pulses of electricity that just barely missed both.

“I’m not going back to Clash empty pawed!” roared Cruz as he fired another missile, which only served to get swatted into another drone, taking it and two others out.

Kiba surveyed the situation as she blocked another shot. She was transporting an experimental weapon, no doubt the one stolen from the attacked StarGuard convoy she’d heard about on the news. A mad cougar with a deadly weapon trying to kill her and her partners for it. Multiple police drones trying to stop them both. If they were not destroyed by Cruz, they’d be handed over to StarGuard’s private forces to be given a fate worse than death. On top of all that, she was certain all of this chaos was attracting news drones.

She had to end this. Now.

“Okay, I’ve gotten control of one of the Chasers,” Oscura said through her earpiece. She watched as one of the drones shot another with an electric bolt, causing it to twitch before falling onto the road.

“One shot left,” Cruz said, and he flicked a switch on the bazooka. “Irma’s gonna get you this time.”

“Kiba, I just remembered,” said Jax through Kiba’s earpiece, “I’ve heard of those bazookas before. I think he just turned on the smart scope, so even if you block it, it’s gonna come right back for you.”

Kiba lowered herself. “Does it have a weakness?”

“If I remember right, the smart scope is really power-reliant. After all those shots he’s already fired, one smart missile will kill the power.”

“How do you know all this?” asked Oscura.

“Drunk StarGuard guy I found in a bar once, I think.”

“Locked on,” laughed Cruz, almost maniacally. “Say goodbye, you little shits!”

Kiba poised herself. “Move the drone behind these idiots.”

The missile launched toward her, and once it was close enough, she leapt over it toward the jeep and landed on the hood. The New Glory gangsters’ looks of confusion quickly turned to panic when they saw the missile turn in the air and speed straight toward them, then back to confusion as Kiba bounded down the jeep and hopped onto the Chaser hijacked by Oscura. She balanced on top of it and watched the missile.

“You are misusing Nueva Angeles Police Department property,” she heard as the remaining drones approached and surrounded her. “Remove yourself or prepare to be–”

Kiba leaped over the missile which collided with Oscura’s Chaser. The ensuing explosion of the remaining drones propelled Kiba back toward the jeep, and she turned herself to the side and rolled with her katana in her paws. Once past the jeep, she skidded her boots across the roof of the sedan to slow herself, and stopped with a foot on the hood as she looked behind the car. After a moment, the jeep split in half, and both sides careened to both sides of the highway before crashing, sending New Glory soldiers flying everywhere. Cruz was left laying on his front with his beloved Irma next to him, smoking and depowered.

Kiba sheathed her katana and slid back into the passenger seat, fastening her seatbelt and rolling the window back up.

“That was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” breathed Jax. “How’d you do that?!”

“Standard training,” said Kiba.

“I’ve scrambled the police’s tracker and wiped our car from the Chasers’ camera database,” said Oscura. “We just need to get out of here.”

“Gladly.” 

Jax took the next exit back to the city, driving into the Little Asia district. A middle-class borough where most of the varied Asian community of Nueva Angeles banded together. She pulled into an alley next to a Vietnamese convenience store and stepped out, before collapsing against the hood. Oscura and Kiba got out with her.

“That could’ve gone better,” said Oscura.

Jax lifted her head. “Hey, we got away with the goods. And we looked cool doing it.”

“Very sloppy,” muttered Kiba, who leaned against the wall like she was trying not to collapse with exhaustion.

Jax perked up as she felt vibrating in her jacket pocket. She fished out her phone and grinned as she answered the call. “Andy, hey!”

On her screen was a badger called Andrew Mitchell, known in the merc world as Big Andy. Older guy, late thirties Jax was sure, known around N.A. for his huge cybernetic shotgun paws.

“Well, you three had a fun night out, did ya?” he asked in his gruff cockney voice. Jax couldn’t help but notice his RBF was particularly intense. “I sent ya to do a simple exchange, and suddenly you’re havin’ a merry little chase around the motorway with New Glory and cop drones?”

“Oh, you saw that?” asked Jax with an awkward toothy grin.

“The whole fuckin’ city saw it,” Andy sighed. “It’s all over the news. You’re just lucky the car was blurred out.”

“Hey, we got the gun!” Jax pointed the phone through the car window to show the briefcase on the seat. “See?”

“Well, there’s that at least,” said Andy. “Kiba and Oscura with you?”

“I’m here,” said Oscura.

“Yes,” Kiba muttered.

“And you’re all alive,” said Andy, his tone a little softer. “Ya took care of that mess quick enough, and ya got the Heat Burster. All in all, job well done, three of ya.”

“Did you see my sick drift?” asked Jax, smiling eagerly.

Andy rolled his eyes. “Yes, I saw your drift. Very nice.”

Jax’s big tail waggled happily.

“That said,” Andy continued, “streets are still a bit too hot after all that excitement. I’ll send ya a text when it’s safe to get back here, and we’ll see about a buyer for this fancy toy of ours.”

“We just paid twenty thousand for it,” Jax pointed out. “Granted, it wasn’t our money, but still.”

“And to the right market, we’ll get at least double,” Andy said. “You let me worry about all that. Just keep your heads down for a few hours, alright?”

“Rightyo, chief,” said Jax with a salute. “You won’t even know where we are.”

“Yeah, that’s gonna worry me a bit.”

“We’ll keep a leash on her,” Oscura assured him, getting next to the skunk.

Jax frowned. “I don’t need a leash.”

Kiba approached Jax’s other side. “No, you need a shock collar.”

“Getting kinky on me?” asked Jax, leaning toward Kiba and inadvertently flicking her tail in Oscura’s face.

“Just stay out of trouble until the heat dies down,” groaned Andy before hanging up.

“Well, the night’s still young,” said Jax, stretching her arms. “Wanna get something to eat? There’s a night market near here if I remember right, and I’m starving.”

“Fine, why not,” said Oscura, “but what about the Heat Burster? Should we take it with us?”

“You wanna carry a big corpo briefcase around the Black Tigers’ neighbourhood?” Jax pointed out.

“Good point. I’ll put it in the trunk.”

Once that was done, Jax locked the car and led her partners out of the alley.

“I can smell the ramen already,” she grinned, starting to walk down the street before being stopped by Kiba.

“If you could, then you would be following the smell that way,” the wolf said drily, pointing toward the alley across the road.

Jax darted her eyes between Kiba’s mask and Oscura’s smirk, before leading the way there. “Fuck off.”

[llctheregistry]

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Cycas

A photographer travels back in time for their work for a scientific magazine.

The story starts UTC

It stood above me. 5 meters tall, its wings bent in a way that made the tips point upwards. Its 3 meters long beak opened swiftly and click!

I got to the town of Hațeg last evening. The flight felt infinite, despite me sleeping throughout most of it. The plane landed in Romania and I then drived off in a jeep, which my agency provided, to a place, where my real journey begins.

I stood in the basement of a modest house. In the middle was a circular platform around which stood researchers and a few people from the agency along with the house’s owner. I stepped onto the platform and in front of me appeared a screen, on which were two sections. Place and time. I typed the answer and disappeared in a flash of a blue light from the sights of everyone around.

Hațeg Island, Late Cretaceous, 66 million years ago

I opened my eyes, which I had closed during the travel. I’m still getting used to those intense lights…

It took a while for my vision to adapt to its surroundings. It was raining. But if I estimated the era correctly, today was the last day in the rainy season.

I took a raincoat out of the backpack and put it on. I hung one camera around my neck and put two backup cameras inside my pockets. Last thing, I pulled out of the bag, was a box, about 20 cm big. Right after I opened it, 4 small robots, with the function of photographing not only the terrain from bird’s eye view, but also the places too dangerous for a human, flew out. Each one went in a different direction. I turned on the main camera and set off towards a small forest.

I searched for any sign of life. After two hours of walking, which seemed to be in circles, was when I decided to také a rest. I sat on a nearby log, which was clearly broken by a lightning, and waited for the pain in my legs to disappear.

After a short while an Eleopteryx, a small theropod covered in feathers, hopped onto the log. It turned its head and observed me curiously while fluffing the feathers around the neck, to seem bigger. It folded its legs under its body and its arms, which looked more like wings, rested on its sides. With minimal movement, I took out the camera and begun work. The dinosaur seemingly didn’t mind, that a strange creature, which it has never seen before, is clicking around its head and body. However after a few minutes it tensed up. Then it stood up quickly and ran deeper into the forest. What could have scared it so much?

My question was answered by a sprinting Rhabdodon herd. They were short, but their lenght reached about 5 meters. Something frightened them. I waited for the herd to completely leave and then went in the opposite direction of their footprints, which had wedged into the damp soil. The road wasn’t long, in a few minutes, I was at my destination.

In front of me laid a corpse of a Rhabdodon calf, on which fed three dromaeosaurids from the Balaur family. Their feathered heads were crimson, from being put inside the stomach cavity of the small creature. In size, they were similar to the Velociraptor. Around 2 meters long and tall like a regular turkey.

The desire after a photo beat self-preservation. I slowly walked forward, taking two to three photos per step. When I leaned over the calf’s body, I found out, the Balaurs have decided to run away. I looked up and luckily caught a glimpse of the last one as it was holding a big chunk of meat in its jaws. I went around the small corpse and slowly followed the dromaeosaurid.

Balaur, which from its colouring I assumed to be a female, arrived at a small meadow and begun climbing one of the trees. I bent down, to prevent her from seeing me. This short moment was quiet and highly thrilling. I kept watch on every side. Front, back, left, right. And most importantly up. The Balaur female climbed down and disappeared between the other trees. That was a sign for me to stand up and go to the tree, which the dinosaur had climbed. With the help of some ropes, I climbed up and sat on a thick branch, which was protruding below a big hole. From it sounded loud chirping, though it didn’t sound exactly like that of a baby chick. But it for sure sounded hungry. From a breast pocket, I took out a small plastic box with pieces of raw chicken. I put on a pair of thick gloves, which are used when working with raptors such as eagles or falcons, and moved closer to the hole.

I took a single piece of meat, in my other hand I held the camera. I put both the lens and the feeding hand into the hole and hoped that I will not lose either of them. Through the glove, I felt the small teeth of young Balaurs. On the camera’s screen appeared around five small fluffy dinosaurs, which hungrily moved their necks, which made them look like every fledgeling known to man. I continued with the feeding and photographing. When I ran out of food, I put the box and the gloves away, and with a pain in my heart, telling me to stay and look after the babies, I climbed down and left.

I went through the forest and returned to the place, where I arrived from the modern time, to build a camp and try to sleep over the night. It was surprisingly calm. The only thing I heard, was the rain and some far away screams.

In the morning, I woke up early. According to the messages from the robotic assistants, a lake was northwards. A herd of Magyarosaurs went to drink there. I had a quick breakfast and packed up for the journey. I put the tent and all equipment back inside the backpack I carried. It was heavy, but I got used to it after a few years of hard work.

I walked between the trees and took a few more pictures, to not waste time.

After a half hour journey, I arrived at the edge of a meadow, in the middle of which was a lake. And around it was a herd of the sauropods I was searching for. Magyarosaurs! The adults were around 6 meters long and tall barely like a ten-year-old child. Calves were running around the water and between the adults by which they were occasionally scolded, only to soon start playing again. I begun to take photos. Despite the stereotype of this era, the sight was calm and pleasant.

Suddenly the herd seemed unsettled by something. I looked up. They were here.

With a wingspan of 10 to 12 meters they circled above the meadow. Three azhdarchids from the Hatzegopteryx family. In the blink of an eye, the peaceful place turned to the place of bloodshed. The azhdarchids flew down and swiftly ate the Magyarosaurs, swallowing them whole. The herd ran in all directions and I started to run as well. Althought I probably should have stayed hidden.

One of the Hatzegopteryxes started to follow me. It had to go back in air, because it couldn’t fit inside the forest and it glided above me. I quickly hid under the log, which I sat on yesterday and called the assistants, which got to me right away and returned to their box. I put it away and ran to the place of relocation. The azhdarchid still has not left me.

I got to the place and stood on the exact spot where I arrived. I stomped my foot twice. Nothing. The activation was not working. I stomped again. Still nothing. The predator was already flying in circles above me. Then it swiftly flew down. I was shaking with fear, despide trying to not show it. The animal slowly paced towards me.

It stood above me. 5 meters tall, its wings bent in a way that made the tips point upwards. Its 3 meters long beak opened swiftly and click!

I took the last photo. It was a little blurry from my hands shaking, but that did not matter.

The predator closed its jaws on nothing. And the last thing it saw was a flash of blue light.

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Wandavision Ep 7 Spoilers

Spoilers below

Good morning. There's a guy power washing the sidewalks at 12:30 a.m., and the drone from the generator is drilling into my brain. So I will watch WandaVision instead of doing something I might regret.

Previously on: Wanda was getting sick of Pietro's shit. Vision knows/thinks his wife is behind all the creepy shenanigans, and he tried to escape the Hex, only to fly to pieces in the real world. I can relate.

Outside, Monica, Jimmy, and Darcy were banished from the SWORD circus by Acting Director Dick, because of course. They snuck back in, also because of course. Darcy hacked AD Dick's files and found out he's Up to Something. Then she ran to try and help Vision and got herself arrested and handcuffed to a jeep. Which is where the brave SWORD agents left her when they ran away as Wanda, attempting to save Vision, expanded the Hex, swallowing Darcy and the SWORD compound, turning it all into a sitcom circus. Well deserved. Well, not Darcy, but anyway.

AD Dick escaped. Unfortunately. But, so did Jimmy and Monica who were off to her mystery aerospace engineer friend to find a way into the Hex.

Also, Tommy and Billy have powers.  

The episode 7 summary is a delight: "Two super-powered beings living ideal suburban lives suspect that everything is not as it seems." You don't say, Disney+.

Wanda wakes, regrets everything, and hides under the covers.  Understandable. Cut away to her addressing the camera The Office style "Look, we've all been there. Letting our fear and anger get the best of us; intentionally expanding the boarders of the false world we created". (cut to screaming running SWORD minions lol).

The boys come to get her, their game is freaking out. The video game controllers can't decide what decade they're in and are glitching it up.

Billy says his head feels weird and noisy. Wanda isn't terribly responsive. Mommy needs some her time.

"As punishment for my reckless evening, I plan on taking a quarantine-style staycation. A whole day. Just to myself. That'll show me." lol

Wanda eventually rouses herself, goes downstairs in her robe and sweats, ignores the boys fighting over a video game controller, and goes for the sugariest cereal. The milk container keeps glitching, she tries very very hard to ignore that.

Interesting Office-style opening credits, where it's just her name on everything. Vision is only added at the end, with the tag "Created by Wanda Maximoff".

Out in the real world, what is the point of SWORD? Like how do they have jurisdiction? Where is SHIELD. Director Mack, wtf, dude?

Anyway, now that part of their camp has been swallowed by the hex, they're further out, staring at the angry glowing force-field. AD Dick is a dick. He wants to know what's happening with the broadcast. His little minion says the signal's gone. Ominously he says "we launch today". Mmmm, what delightfully heavy-handed dipshittery will we have to endure?

Back inside. Vision wakes in the field at the edge of town that is now a circus. And lots and lots of clowns. He gets yelled at by a strongman who seems to think Vision is the new clown and tells him he's late for rehearsal with the escape artist. Who is Darcy. lol

"I put in for the bearded lady. But this alabaster complexion wasn't fooling anyone."

Darcy is chained to a ye olde fire engine or tractor or something. Vision walks up to her making a weird face and kind of waving his hand back and forth between them.

"You don't remember me from last night? We locked eyes, there was an unspoken understanding." Darcy tells him "um, hard pass." lol She busts out of her chains and walks away, Vision chases after.

Back at home, Wanda wants to know if the boys have seen dad, they haven't, but Billy wants to know about that whole thing Uncle Pietro said about dad being dead again. Wanda says Pietro is not their uncle. The boys don't understand, and Wanda has a little rambling breakdown about how she has no answers and maybe there's no meaning to anything ha ha don't worry boys mommy's just having a little depression.

Agnes knocks and then, you know, strolls in, when Wanda magics the door open.

"Hi Agnes. I'd get up but I just don't, ahahahah, want to." If I was Billy or Tommy I'd mount a search for dad. Stat.

Agnes: "I think I got there in the nick of time, 'cause she was one split-end away from cutting her own bangs."

(It's 1 a.m. and I swear to God, that man is still power-washing the sidewalks.)

Agnes suggests the boys go with her and give mommy that 'me time' she so desperately needs. The boys are reluctant but Wanda is ecstatic.

Once alone with her certainly soggy cereal, Wanda settles back to watch crappy daytime TV. But, damn it, the furniture is glitching through the eras.

"I'm fine! I'm fine hahahah. *sigh* I'm fine. i'm fine. … I'm fine."

In the real world. Jimmy and Monica are still on the move. The file on project whatever it was from last episode (Cataract), that Darcy forwarded to Jimmy's email, has finally found its way to him. It's R&D reports.

Oh, that asshole, AD Dick was trying to bring Vision back online. Monica puts the pieces together "Heyward wants his sentient weapon back."

Jimmy says somebody has to tell Wanda.

Good thing they arrive at the other side of the Hex, I guess? Where Monica has another team waiting. An Agent Goodner. They brought her like some sort of big Mars rover thingy.

Vision is still trying to talk to Darcy. "You tried to help me." "Doubtful. I'm notoriously self-involved."

lol, some amusing back and forth. Darcy is an f'ing delight and I don't just say that because I am obviously hideously biased.

Vision distracts her with a mime and takes the opportunity to do his brain mojo on her, waking her up. "Part of me secretly wanted a guest spot on this show, but seriously that sucked."

"Dr. Lewis. I have questions." "I have answers."

And then they steal the funnel cake truck.

"Dr. Lewis, my questions. Are my children safe?" "That I don't know." "And who was that Pietro?" "Beats me."

Wanda is still working on her bowl of cereal. Give it up, sister. The house redecorates itself around her.

Uh-oh, in her talking head segment, about how she doesn't understand whats going on, the person behind the camera speaks, and asks if maybe it's what she deserves. "You're not supposed to talk."

Commercial time. For a depression medication. "Nexus, a unique antidepressant that works to anchor you back to your reality. Or the reality of your choice."

Back in Westview. The boys are hanging at Agnes's. Billy has a rabbit. As happens at your crazy neighbor's house. But, he says he likes it there, because it's quiet. "You're quiet, Agnes. On the inside." J'ACCUSE, AGNES!  

Back at Monica's backup camp, she's getting suited up in her SWORD astronaut suit. Jimmy's sad because Darcy's missing the fun. But, Monica will rescue her. SWORD is worse than SHIELD for slapping their name all over everything.

Monica and the little rover zoom off to the hex. Should she really go that fast? Maybe this is something to take cautiously? Oh, and look, she hit it hard and she's stuck. The Hex doesn't want to let her in, but she keeps trying. And now the Hex is eating into the rover — sorry, *re-writing* it. Well that was a dumb plan. Sorry guys, but come on.

Monica escapes, but the hex eats the rover and then spits it out, the front half transformed into a truck. Monica is shocked, Jimmy calls for a medic, and as they run forward, Jimmy, who has known Monica for like two days, recognizes she's got 'I'm a heroic dummy' face on and he's all "noooooo!". She runs for the hex and pushes her way in.

This is a really long sequence of her going through the hex. Like … too long. Sorry, but it is. There's a whole thing where she's hearing voices from moments in her life, and she hears Carol tell her how she's a tough kid, and now Monica is Filled With Resolve and breaks through the Hex, still in her Astronaut outfit, so like she resisted the sitcom wardrobe department.

I enjoy this show, but there are moments of hokeyness that I find very trying.

The hex rewrites you at a basic level as you pass through it. So, third time through and Monica's eyes are glowy blue and she can, like, see electrical currents, or electromagnetic fields (it looks like). Trippy. She can see power along the power lines, fields around streetlights. Closing her eyes and shaking her head makes it all go away. Of course.

Meanwhile, Darcy and Vision are on their slow-speed getaway in the Funnel Cake truck. She's trying to catch him up on what's happened since he's been dead. They keep hitting red lights and obstacles. Vision thinks Wanda's doing it to keep him from getting home. "I'm not amused," he tells the camera with a very not amused face on. lol

Vision is trying to understand what he is now. It's not going well. "My corporeal form was born from Ultron's plan for global genocide?" "Correct-o." Darcy might not be the best person to be explaining this to him.

"What am I now?" Poor Vision.

Darcy takes a deep breath. In fairness, she looks like maybe she'd rather not be the one doing the explaining, either. "Honestly, I'm a STEM type of lady, so I thought she just flipped a switch on your head and brought you back to life. What I don't get is why you can't leave the hex."

Vision is having an existential crisis. But, Darcy assures him that based on her week-long experience as a fan of WandaVision, he and Wanda do really love each other. So, there's that. "You belong together," says the shameless shipper.

Meanwhile, Monica has arrived at the Maximoff residence and busts into the house, breathlessly trying to tell Wanda it's all Heyward being a dick, but Wanda's stunned by the sudden entry and then too pissed to really listen. "The drones, the missiles, Pietro." "No, Pietro wasn't us." "All you do is lie." She's tossing Monica around with her powers.

Monica, friend, buddy, pal, was that really your plan? To barge right in and just … what? Talk fast and hope she didn't yeet your ass again? Okay, she didn't have a lot of time, I get that, but surely she could have come up with something. Like, she should have found Darcy and Vision first, and then the three of them could approach Wanda. But, no. Jimmy Woo would have a plan, Monica.

Well, fortunately for Monica she's been rewritten into Electricity Lass. She hits the ground with a staticky crackle and her eyes glow blue again. Wanda's all "bu-whu?"

"The only lies I've told are the ones you put in my mouth," Monica says all angry like. Mmmkay, I thought you were trying to help? Wanda does not care for this response. Because, no offense Monica, but the last time she heard your voice, she had a missile launched at her head.

Monica challenges her. "Do it then, take me out." Not an approach I’d go for, but it seems to work, and Wanda hesitates and Monica tries to warn her again, that unlike Wanda who isn’t actually violent and evil, Heyward will burn down Westview to get what he wants. "Don't let him make you the villain."

"Maybe I already am."

Next door, Agnes is looking out the window, watching them, with a considering look on her face. BECAUSE SHE IS IN ON WHATEVER THIS IS.

Monica is still trying to talk down Wanda. Agnes interrupts. Creepily. And shepherds Wanda away.

Vision and Darcy are thwarted in their journey again. "Oh come on! Kids? What's next? Puppies?"

Vision takes the faster way and intangibles himself out of the van and flies off, leaving Darcy at the endless intersection. "Go on! I'll just meet you there then?"

Back at Agnes's shack of creepy ladies who are freaking up to something. Where are the boys? Oh, Wanda notices the half-eaten PB&Js and the nightmarish kids' show on the telly. Behind her the bunny is in its cage. No sign of the boys. Agnes says they're probably playing in the basement.

Wanda wanders off to find them. But, there are no boys, only horror show creepiness. The basement turns into some weird sort of domed cavern with arches all around and in the middle a weird glowing rectangle.

Agnes comes up behind her. "You didn't think you were the only magical girl in town, did you?" I was wise to you, Agnes. Which, given she was a featured co-star, was probably no great insight on my part. BUT STILL!

"The name's Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear." OH! LOLOLOL! OH, I didn't see that one coming. Wow, you got me, show. It never occurred to me for a second that it was Agatha Harkness.

And now a fantastic montage of Agatha doing tricksy things as Agnes through the series, with the best theme song ever "Who's been messing up everything? It's been Agatha, all along! Who's been pulling every evil string? It's been Agatha, all along. She's insidious. HA HA! So perfidious." Oh man, this is great. "And I killed Sparky, too."

LOL. Great ending.

Hey, an unexpected mid-credits scene of Monica trying to get into the house. Maybe Agnes's? Oh, yeah, she finds a storm cellar and opens the doors, to see a stone stairway with vines or roots growing all around it and zippy electrical sparks and such. Pietro appears behind her. "Snoopers gonna snoop."

Credits!

Well then.

I KNEW IT! I didn't know what I knew, but I knew I knew a thing!