#Jansie | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hum-suffer · 21 days ago

Text

Desires, Realities and the gaps in between

Jansi is tired. Okay, yes, it's a permanent state of being for her but she's so tired and exhausted and she wants to cry. She just finished recording for her podcast and she has her job tomorrow and it's already 10:02 pm and she hasn't even had her dinner yet.

She mechanically cleans the kitchen after making her poha, the last notes of the song Aur Ho fading from her earphones. The voice in the earphones declares the battery low and she removes them, just now realising that she's had them in her ears for almost two hours.

Though, as soon as she moves to the terrace of her house after removing them, she hears loud discussions, laughter and obnoxious music that she doesn't recognise.

A curse curls on her tongue as she looks sideways and finds the other terrace filled with people, fairy lights and speakers.

Jansi again thinks to herself that it was a bad idea to rent a penthouse on a floor which already had another penthouse. Her reasoning was that she's usually not home much so even if her neigbours were dicks, it wouldn't matter to her, especially over the spacious terrace where she could make a terrace garden.

The very same terrace where she is sitting. From where she can hear them sing tonelessly with the music. The poha in her hands is the only thing that is holding her back from marching over there and throwing water on the speakers. And even that doesn't feel as appetizing.

Jansi tries to ignore the obnoxious group of people, she really shouldn't be a bitch to their party, after all. She stands up and moves to her bedroom. Only, it's even closer to the neighbour's terrace and she can hear the sound even louder.

They're now again playing some song that she doesn't recognise but it has an upbeat sound and honestly, she hates it on principle.

Jansi tries to ignore it all, tries to watch TV, tries to fiddle with her phone but nothing can distract her. When she finally finishes the poha and is ready to just fall into the bed and they're still continuing their party, something in her boils over.

Jansi marches back to her own terrace, brushing her hands against her plants softly, as if to console them away from such loud displays of audacity. They're now playing Tu Hi Re at a really loud sound. She'll admit that they're finally playing good songs but even good songs have their own settings and ambiance. You can't play such a beautiful song so loudly that it becomes a nuisance.

"Hey!" She yells over the music, hoping at least one of the people would listen. "Suniye, excuse me!"

A man, who was leaning against the edge of the terrace with his back to her turns to her when he hears Jansi. Thank fuck.

And fuck.

He's beautiful. His hair is on the longer side and he's wearing a leather jacket and from what she can see, he even has his ears pierced and there's a plumeria flower behind his ear and really, that's just unfair. Jansi can't look that beautiful if she tries her best and this random ass dude looks that good at 11:12 pm?

"Haanji bataiye?" He asks her loudly, some amusement on his face still as if he can't pull his attention away from the fun that his friends are having and that's a stark reminder to Jansi of what she's supposed to be doing.

"Can you lower the volume?" She shouts, her irritation bleeding into her voice as they start playing Teri Deewani. She desperately wishes she could be a part of a party like that but all her friends are back in her home town and she feels bitter because she can't have what they're having and it makes her hate them a little more.

The group starts playing Ye Haseen Wadiyan.

The man gets a surprised and embarrassed look on his face and he nods at her frantically and turns and shouts,"Abey! Lower the sound, you idiots!"

Another woman walking near him hits him on his shoulder and shakes her head before walking off. The man groans before throwing Jansi an apologetic look and walking away.

Jansi clenches her teeth and curls her hands into fists. She breathes through her nose carefully before forcing herself to calm down. She knows that the owner of the house lives there. And she is the renter here. She can't even invite a male friend over in this society without her living situation being in threat. Jansi can't afford a fucking fight even if she wants to throw those speaker down all the way to the ground.

She reckons they won't survive the fall from the seventh floor either way.

Suddenly, the volume of the music decreases and she turns back to that terrace, hearing and seeing the other people protest as that man in the leather jacket walks back towards the edge. "Suniye!"

"Boliye!" She shouts back but it's the exact moment that they pause the song and start to discuss what they should play next.

Her unexpected voice is enough for them to fall into stunned silence. Jansi wants to kill herself now. She, too, would not survive the fall.

The man grins. "We'll pack up in an hour, I promise. But if you want to, you can join us!"

The people behind him continue their conversation and Yaaron Ne Mere Vaaste starts playing. Even if she would have given going there a thought, now Jansi definitely would not be interested.

The man turns and glares. The song changes. They're now playing Jamal Kudu. The man sneaks a peek at Jansi and she knows she looks mighty unimpressed. He shouts at his friends,"Ye Paras ke haath mein mera phone kisne diya? Continue my playlist. And at a low volume, you idiots."

Jansi realises that he's been talking to her in a more sophisticated tone which also turned his voice deeper and it was actually slightly high pitched when he talked to his friends. She smiles. He turns back to her expectantly. "Toh main haa samjhu?" He asks her, grinning as if he won the world cup.

Jansi frowns at him as Aaja Piya Tohe Pyaar Doon starts playing. "You don't even know me!" She shouts.

"What's there to know? You're my neighbour, you're always welcome!" He yells back. A friend beside him says something which makes him elbow the other guy.

Jansi frowns. She's never seen her neighbour, yes, but wasn't it supposed to be some old dude? Especially with a name like Ram Kulkarni.

(Okay, she might have been slightly presumptuous. Who isn't?)

"I am Ram!" He says, probably trying to make her comfortable in talking to him,"My birthday starts in," he looked at his wristwatch,"forty minutes! Why don't you come here till then? You can leave after we cut the cake!"

Now, as tired as Jansi is, she really isn't a bitch. And she doesn't know how to say no.

She smiles at him reluctantly,"I am Jansi! I'll ring the bell in ten minutes!"

He nods and Jansi almost runs back into the house before he can say anything else. She closes the slider door to the balcony behind her and sees herself in the reflection. God, she hasn't even changed yet. That's a good thing, she guesses. Her green jumper and black jeans are much better suited for an impromptu party rather than her holey kurti and too big palazzo.

Jansi mournfully grabs the Tuesdays With Morrie book that she bought just two days ago and hasn't even read yet, to gift it to Ram. She doesn't want to go to a party empty handed and she doesn't have anything else currently.

She quickly combs her hair and pushes the sleeves of her jumper back to her elbows and breathes deeply before walking out of her house and ringing the doorbell to Ram's house, literally beside her house. Their main doors aren't even five feet apart.

The door opens instantly, as if he was already waiting on her. He's even more breathtaking up close.

"Hi," he grins and breathes, and she can see that his incisors are a tiny bit tilted outwards and she wonders if they actually hurt the inside of his lips a lot and—

Jansi clears her throat and practically shoves the book at Ram. "I couldn't get it gift wrapped, unfortunately," she jokes weakly.

Ram instantly starts reading the synopsis at the back of the book but gives her a bright smile,"You didn't have to! Honestly." He steps back and gestures for her to come in and follow him.

"I have some strict standards for myself." She tells him off handedly, looking around at the blue and white decor of the drawing room, the complete book shelf full of books and the reading corner in the balcony.

Ram turns towards her and begins walking backward. "Uff, tumhare usool, tumhare aadarsh! Aaj mere paas Tuesdays with Morrie hai, cake hai, loud speaker hai! Tumhare paas kya hai?"

Jansi deadpans,"Mere paas neend hai. I was about to go to sleep before we talked."

"Are you trying to say you're losing your sleep over me?"

His casual arrogance was a tiny bit charming but also irritating. "I only lose sleep over nightmares. Do with that information what you will."

He doesn't reply, beginning to walk up the stairs. Suddenly, at the turn in the stairs, he turns back and winks at her,"Don't stare at my ass, neighbour!"

"What—"

____________________________________________________

She may hate crowds, but this one seems nice.

Ruchika, the one who is currently in charge of the playlist is playing Jab Koi Baat Bigad Jaye. She passes a plate of momos to Jansi and asks,"So, Jansi, what do you do?"

"I am an RJ, actually," she says hesitantly, aware that not many people listen to radios these days and she's not that popular, really. Her timing on air is 8-9 pm on weekdays and 10-11 am on Saturdays, not really the prime time.

Dev, another friend of Ram, snaps his fingers in triumph. "Aha! I knew I recognised your voice! My colleague listens to your Saturday morning musings a lot."

The topic goes to Dev's work environment and his work crush and travels to gulaab jal somehow and then travels to shayris and somehow it travels to Ram and it's 11:56 am when Ram stands up and dramatically picks a rose from a bouquet that his friends bought him and starts walking around. He begins reciting a poem, voice dramatic and half a smile on his face.

"Suna hai log usse ankh bhar ke dekhte hai,

So uske sheher mein kuch din theher ke dekhte hai

Suna hai rabt hai usko kharab haalon se

So apne aap ko barbaad karke dekhte hai

Suna hai bole toh baaton se phool jhadte hai

Ye baat hai toh chalo baat karke dekhte hai."

He kneels in front of Jansi for a second and her breath catches before she forces herself to look away because she knows the way she is reacting, she has felt these butterflies before and she knows they always end up in hurt and hurt and hurt. She is happy alone and she doesn't need to get her hopes up needlessly.

Ram sits down on the floor cross legged, not worrying about the way she had turned away from him.

Ruchika seems to sense the tension and she takes the conversation back to their college days when Ram used to write poems and recite some too on college fests and he was the main hero of the college.

Three minutes later, Ram cuts the cake. And for the first time in two years, Jansi takes a bite of the cake and keeps smiling. She feels a sense of pride in her chest that she doesn't automatically remember that day again when her birthday was forgotten by everyone and she had cut her cake alone, sitting in the cafe near their college and—

Ten minutes later, Jansi walks back into her house and gets ready for bed while Piya Tose Naina Lage Re plays in the background at their party.

She stays awake till 12:45 am. When the silence comes then, it bites at her.

The next day, she has 8 new followers. The earliest follower is Tumhara_Ram, who followed her at 1:02 am.

She follows him back at 6:07 am.

____________________________________________________

Her Saturday morning musings always make her melancholy. This Saturday, she talks about the terrace party.

"Hasrat, hasrat hi rahe, toh behtar hai, chaand hasil ho jaye toh chaand kaha lagta hai?" She says softly,"You begin like something as it's away from you. Dekho, I'm not saying that if the opportunity presents itself, you shouldn't try. Do try. Give yourself some more time, some more friends, some more love. Shiddat se koshish karo, darte darte koshish karo. If I hadn't tried to find my comfort in my sleep, I wouldn't have gotten my comfort in the new company, too.

"After a while, if you keep yourself away from everyone, you will only ever feel that things will not remain the same. Even if you live in the same space, if you live alone, you will live only with yourself. Ab apne permanent roommate ke saath hi dushmani rakhoge toh kaise chalega? While you live alone, try to get involved in some social interactions too. To be human is to be social. Varna toh kya hi fark hai tum mein aur tumhari diwalon mein?"

Two hours after her on air time ends, Jansi has a message on her private instagram. Usually, she does have some messages on her public account from her listeners but on her private account, she usually only sends and receives reels from the same six people. A new account messaging her is very new.

It's a message from Tumhara_Ram.

Ram 🙂‍↔️

Hi, I was just listening to your radio!

You've got an amazing collection of poems, could you give me some recommendations?

Jansi

Hi there! Yeah, sure, I've got a couple of books by Bashir Badr and Gulzaar. Otherwise I usually read e-books of their collections

You could borrow the books if you'd be interested!

Jansi curses herself for double texting and also offering her treasured books. She has always been excited for her interests and passions, and she really needs to put a sock in it before she ends up starting something that she won't like. Before she can delete the message, he texts back instantly.

Ram 🙂‍↔️

Oh, thank you so much! Could I come over this evening to borrow a book?

And that's how they begin their tentative friendship.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

Author's note: This promise day, a new feature for you all! It'll go wherever you want it to go

#suffer ye suhana nahi #desiblr #desi tumblr

7 notes · View notes