#James wants to take a nice walk. Finds out that people still have antique guns laying around because Americans are always weird about guns

[ssstardust3001]

Oh, he couldn't sleep, he was just buzzing with excitement. So, James got the bright idea of taking a walk down in the same park he'd been earlier. However, he hadn't expected it to be so cold. He wasn't used to the chill considering he tended to like the weather on the warmer side. Still, he shivered a little under his jacket that had served him well that afternoon.

He was too stubborn, even though it was just with his own damn self, to go back up though until he was done with his walk and sufficiently mellowed out. It was a nice night at least, quiet, mostly anyway. His sensitive ears could hear traffic and the indistinct murmuring of crowds enjoying the night scene in the bars and restaurants blocks away. The scent of fried food came with the light breeze.

Bennett looked up at the night sky, knowing he wouldn't see stars, but still searching regardless. Well, he found Venus at least. He snorts softly to himself, never really caring much for larger cities with the noise, smells, and lack of stars. He wondered if it would be different if he had grown up in a big city rather than a tiny town with a base in the middle of the New Mexican desert when he wasn't out amongst the stars with his father.

He forgot the cold when he heard shuffling that drew him from his thoughts. He looked towards the source, seeing someone approaching him. Looked like a sickly young man, human, in some rather grungy looking clothes; dirty jeans stained with oil, a band t-shirt, leather jacket, ratty gym shoes. They were looking at him, trying to size him up from the looks of it. James wasn't in uniform and he still hadn't taken his hair down.

"Need something?"he asked, lifting a brow.

"Give me your money," came a gruff voice.

"I apologize, I am currently not carrying any with me,"James started until he saw that the man was armed, "Sir...I don't think you want to do this."

"I'm not gonna ask again, just gimme your money or tech or whatever, I don't care." This unfine young example of humanity pulled his weapon out, an old looking 21st century pistol that he'd probably taken from an older family member if it had been passed down to be used primarily to strike fear. He was glaring at James, radiating feelings of fear and desperation though he tried to look tough.

It was a lot, but if he wanted to play, James would cover his ass then oblige. His hand went for his communicator so he could at least signal that he was in distress as he backed away. This, however, earned him a shot in the upper arm as the man in front of him flinched from Bennett's sudden movement. James found that being shot felt like a hot iron rod was being stabbed into his flesh while blood poured from the wound to stain his sleeve green. The half-vulcan let out a loud, shrill cry of agony, lowering the volume as he screamed through his gritted teeth. He'd dropped his communicator.

The commander gave the most hateful glare he could muster now, hissing through bared teeth as he took his chance while his would be robber looked a bit startled even though he'd just shot someone. He guessed this guy probably didn't think the gun was loaded, and they sure as hell hadn't seen a vulcan so pissed. James approached him swiftly to close the distance while they let out a frightened yelp, throwing the gun to the side as James ran up to him. However, the younger man didn't have a chance to run before James landed a punch to their temple, giving him a clean knock out. He then used his sash to tie their wrists and ankles so they couldn't escape, grumbling at how stupid they were to shoot a Starfleet officer.

He then used his sleeve of his ruined jacket to tie around his wounded arm before grabbing his communicator, sitting down in exhaustion while he called for some kind of backup and medical assistance. Oh his fingertips felt tingly...not a great sign.

"What a shitty time this turned out to be,"he grumbled while he began to wait, feeling his headache from earlier just come back in full force, "I don't even have a cigarette on me." He'd been trying so hard to quit too.

[gamer-logic]

Since my state, Georgia, is having the annual Peaches to Beaches event which is two days of statewide yard sales, I thought it would be interesting to show how America, the states, and any other countries wanting to participate both 1p and 2p would be during this event. So here you go!

Georgia is happily selling fresh produce like boiled peanuts and Vidalia onions and peach-based deserts. Her homemade peach cobbler and ice cream are to die for!

Antonio (Spain) also sells many fresh tomatoes, olives, and other vegetables. He doesn't understand why no one wants his Olive Juice though.

Hawaii and Alaska make a killing selling lemonade at their stand with a free complimentary handmade flower crown with every purchase. While using their sheer cuteness to attract everyone including one of those sweet biker gangs. It's really surreal to see a huge gang of buff, tattooed, tough-looking guys in leather wearing flower crowns and drinking lemonade. Allen's also there to supervise and ward of creep. Also, to provide people more 'incentive' to buy their lemonade.

Texas breaks out the Texas BBQ and is in a Barbecuing turf war with Jett (Australia). They draw huge crowds for the five-alarm chili as well and hold a competition who can eat the most without burning out their tongues and/or passing out.

Florida sells some of the weirdest stuff you'll ever see. "Want a full-scale model of a gator made entirely out of bottle caps? Only ten bucks! Want a portrait of Florida Man painted with orange juice? 15 bucks!"

Nevada also tries to sell weird and sketchy stuff to scam everyone. "This piece is the genuine article folks! One napkin gently used by Elvis Presley himself! Just 500 bucks! Also, gets into a haggling war with Lars (Netherlands). Somewhere Alfred's dad instincts go off and he reminds himself to ground Nevada.

California, Oregon, and Washington collaborate and California sells anything vegan or made with avocadoes and the autographs of Hollywood stars, Oregon sells his old tye-dyed shirts and records, they also made him sell his old groovy hippy bus from the sixties he'd never got rid of no one knew they had. Oregon can be a bit of a hoarder, so they had to tie him to a chair and gag him because he wouldn't surrender the bus without a fight. Washington also tries to sell and drink cups of coffee, but in the hot Southern heat, this doesn't end well.

Louisiana sells anything Cajun-style from frog legs to fresh gumbo, to beignets. Also has a full collection of Mardi Gras masks and shrunken voodoo heads on sale for two bucks a pop.

Gilbert (Prussia) gets tricked by Nevada and gets a ton of stupid things he doesn't need. Ludwig (Germany) tries unsuccessfully to keep him on a metaphorical leash.

Ludwig always checks the quality of things he sees and buys dog toys and supplies for Blackie, Berlitz, and Astor. Later, he actually buys a kiddie leash for Gilbert.

All the while Lutz (2p! Germany) is asleep in a lawn chair with his hat on his face after drinking like six cold beers from this really good booth. All the while, Klaus (2p! Prussia) finds an antique Teutonic Knights flag from a vendor whose family was from Germany.

Vash (Switzerland) buys antique guns from Alabama and Roderich (Austria) also checks out some of Tennessee's guitars. He's horrified upon seeing Alabama's banjo and washboard.

Mathew (Canada) and Emma (Belgium) combine their powers and tag team to sell the best pancakes and waffles on earth with genuine Canadian maple syrup.

New York sells tons of baseball memorabilia and collectibles. Allen, trying to save his bad-boy image, tries to be discreet when buying some while taking Hawaii and Alaska around to get something with their lemonade money. James also gets some hockey memorabilia with Michigan and Minnesota who also got snow cones.

Alaska and Hawaii see a giant deluxe dollhouse but are almost in tears when they don't have enough money. But they end up getting it for free because no one can resist their weaponized puppy dog eyes. Also, no one can resist a growling Allen. Using the leftover money, they buy cute little rainbow umbrella hats for everyone and have Allen wear one who begrudgingly accepts it.

James, walking by with an armful hockey gear and flannel shirts, bursts out laughing when he sees this. In revenge, Allen forces him to wear one too and help him carry the dollhouse, much to Hawaii and Alaska's delight! "I said go my way puck head!" "No, it's my way, you vegan loving hoser!" A passing Francis (France)' is in stylish horror when they also make him and a nonchalant Luis (2p! France), holding a case of vintage wines, wear them too. Hawaii and Alaska go around giving umbrella hats to everyone including a sleeping Lutz they pass by.

Loving (Romano) practically has to supervise Feliciano (Italy) and keep him from buying anything too stupid on impulse or get scammed. They still end up with stacks upon stacks of cookbooks, kitchen wear, and a Mona Lisa made entirely out of Macaroni. They also get umbrella hats.

Flavio (2p! Romano) browses through clothing racks to get ideas for his vintage line. Also checks out the handmade fabrics like quilts. "Such craftsmanship! This pattern is so unique and chic! I simply must have it! What's your price Bella?" The nice old woman selling the quilt just smiles, "Oh just about five dollars young man." "Perfect!" Flavio hands the quilts off to Andreas (2p! Spain) who's practically buried underneath the fabric. Luciano (2p! Italy) facepalms while holding a new knife set in its case. "Oooh! Look at those adorable hats I just have to have one." Cue three more umbrella hats and a humiliated Luciano. "Just kill me now..."

Katyusha (Ukraine), Elizaveta (Hungary), Lillie (Liechtenstein), Natalya, (Belarus), Katya( 2p! Ukraine) and Anastasia (2p! Belarus), and Michelle (Seychelles) explore with armfuls of clothes, new ribbons, and a gun case for Switzerland (Lillie), cast iron frying pans (Elizaveta, watch out Prussia!), farm tools (Katyusha), Jewelry and unmentionables (Katya), dresses (Anastasia), an assortment of switchblades (Natalya), and one of those singing fish on a plague (Michelle). It's definitely an interesting group.

Kiku (Japan) and Kuro (2p! Japan) find a nerd booth selling comics, manga, and Japanese weapons like katanas. Kuro test swings a blade and tries to slice the table so hard it breaks the blade, "Hmmm, not sharp enough for me, got anything else?" He throws it on the pile of broken blades he's already tested. Kiku stockpiles on limited-edition manga and he and the vendor end up getting into a huge, heated by Kiku standards, debate on who's waifu is best. Further down, Alfred reads every Marvel/DC comic while keeping an ear out on every state's location. He checks on Texas via his glasses and notices he's beating Australia in the chili contest. "That's my boy!"

Wisconsin wearing a cheese head sells anything cheese-based. He's got cheddar, goat cheese, string cheese, cheese spray, gorgonzola, grilled cheese, cheese curds, Mac n' Cheese, cheese sculptures of all world monuments, you name it he's got it! He also starts a war with Iowa's corn dishes and Idaho's potato dishes. They eventually end up flinging cheese, potatoes, and corn after they start dissing each other's foods. "Take this cheese brain!" "Nice aim, I-da-ho!" "I told you not to call me that!" "I'm gonna go children of the corn on y'all's behinds!" Poor Nebraska is stuck in the middle.

Alfred (America) hears the commotion and using his parent radar, immediately knows who it is and reminds himself to ground Iowa, Wisconsin, and Idaho later along with Nevada who, though still grounded for sure, makes him feel a little proud of since he managed to out haggle Netherlands.

New Mexico and Arizona also sell Native American handicrafts along with things like dreamcatchers and giant inflatable aliens. While Delaware, being the boring stick in the mud that he is, walks by with a framed and complete U.S. quarter collection from a vendor.

Kansas sells out of every sunflower she had courtesy of Ivan (Russia). Ivan and her the team up to buy out every sunflower seed from here to kingdom come. Viktor (2p! Russia) buys all the vodka he can find and a new shovel while Xiao (2p! China) tries giving people tattoos for 10 bucks a pop.

He tries to convince Yao (China) to get a hello kitty one to match the giant plushie he's holding, with the encouragement of Leon (Hong Kong) and Yong Soo (South Korea) who all collectively agree he needs to quit being such a grandpa. They also like calling him an antique-like the items on sale. " Aiyah! I'm not that old, aru!" "Yeah, you are Sensei." "Don't deny it! Da Ze!" Respect your elders!" "Tattoos originated in Korea da ze!" He totally is that old.

Oliver (2p! England) holds a bake sale and has people lined up for blocks to get some. Arthur (England), after having his scones shut down after it poisoned some unlucky squirrels, fries selling authentic magical items like unicorn hair or pixie dust. Everyone thinks he's a little crazy but he did sell a good bit of old magic books he needed to get out of his house, after making sure no one could actually use them of course.

The Nordics also went perusing for antique and handmade furniture when Mathias (Denmark) spots two full sets of Viking costumes and tries to get Lukas (Norway) to try them on with him. Lukas wasn't amused.

Berwald (Sweden) and Tino (Finland) also find a great handmade table to get after inspecting the workmanship and a full Lego set for Peter (Sealand), now if only Mathias would stop squealing like a little kid at the full piece lego death star. Emil (Iceland) keeps thinking he's the mature one until he spots a mini top hat and cane for Mr. Puffin.

In the end, everyone ends up wearing umbrella hats courtesy of Hawaii and Alaska, loving all the strange things they bought or counting the profits they made. Alfred (America) is proud of his kids and visits everyone one of their stands. He ends up looking pretty funny with an umbrella hat (HW, AK), a washboard, (AL),a picture of Florida Man, (FL), a balloon alien (NM, AZ), a tye dye shirt (CA, WA, OR), hockey stick shaped glasses (MN, MI), a giant stack of comics with a replica Thor hammer and Captain America shield on his back, all in a shopping cart (NV), and a giant turkey leg in his hand (Tx). Unsurprisingly, it was a tie between Oliver, Texas, and Australia for who earned the most with their food. Georgia just smiled as this was another great year for her state and people!

[britishchick09]

sherlock s2 ep 1 livewatch

welcome to a new (cumber)batch of eps! i’m excited to see all the iconic moments in this one :D

i haven’t even played the dvd yet and it’s glorious :’)

ooh it starts with a ‘previously’!!!

JIM MOIARTY HIIII!!!! :D

moiarty is amazing (and this recap is so dramatic!)

OMG SHERLOCK NECK FRECKLE! :o

also seeing the old channel 8 logo in the corner is so cool! :D

HOLD UP why is bee gees playing

IS MOIARTY A BEE GEES FAN???

‘staying alive’ lol funny since he’s about to get shot :D

moiarty: “SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!!” say that again QUIETER MOIARTY GEEZ

and he just walks away!!!

shoe sherlock cool

sherlock 2 NOW

oh no it’s irene alder...

masterpiece INTRO YAAAASSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

me watching sherlock be like:

the masterpiece trust is just rich people cool

omg the viking river cruises spon is the same as today! :D

woah they’re playing a movie trailer! :o

it’s a british movie obviously and i’ve never heard of it OBVIOUSLY

the scottish host guy is talking and i love it :D

host: “his mind has more apps than an iphone” lol

“a series of his three most famous cases begins! are you ready?” HECK YEAH LET’S GOOOO!!!!!!

YAS the blog scene!

sherlock: “what are you typing?” john: “a blog... about us”

lady: “i think my husband is having an affair.” sherlock: “yes”

sherlock thinks cases are boring except

sherlock ‘cases don’t need titles’ holmes

WOAH SHERLOCK JUST TOLD A LITTLE GIRL THAT DEAD PEOPLE BURN :o

lestrade: “any ideas?” john: “eight so far” wowza :o

sherlock ‘don’t mention the unsolved cases’ holmes

glasseslock!!!!! :D

eyyyyyyyy ;D

people want pics of sherlock and john do johnlockers exist in this universe? :o

lol :D

irene is seductively putting her hand on lockie’s newspaper pic ewww :(

mrs. hudson hates the fridge

THUMBS IN THE FRIDGE FRIDGE THUMBS

mrs. hudson: “BOYS YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!’ *insert meme here*

ooh it spins into a flashback!

OMG JOHNLOCK VID CHAT!!!!

sherlock’s in the sheet! :o

*phone rings* sherlock: SHUT. UP!!!!” lol :D

john’s holding his laptop around lol :D

john: ‘there’s a mute button and i will use it” aka the 2020 president debates

woah some random guys are in lockie’s house and john needs a helicopter what’s up with that????

BUCKINGHAM PALACE YAAAASSS!!!!!!!

john looks under...

giggly!!!!!

♥

mycroft is the queen now

BOI LOCKIE’S LIKE ‘what for?’ TO PUT PANTS ON OMMGGGGGGG

john smol be like :o

guy: “mr holmes the younger”

LOCK BUTT LOCK BUTT NOOOOOOO

john be like o///o ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

o lockie’s’s in clothes again :/

mycroft doesn’t trust the secret service welcome to america

:(

i don’t like irene not because there’s apparently a thing between her and sherlock but because she’s a bit creepy!

THERE LIKE THAT!

sherlock: “photographs of whom?” ooh how fancy

sherlock: “laters!!” lol! :D

irene’s friend is named kate like channel 8 being called ‘kaet’! :D

fashionista! :o

yes this is ‘the right armor’ lockie

john: “you didn’t even change your clothes!” lol :D

sherlock: “go on punch me in the face” lol :D

watson: “i always hear ‘punch me in the face’ when you’re speaking in subtext” ...wut o_O

WORST BATTLE DRESS EVER NNNOPE IMMA HEAD OUT

are sherlock and irene being shipped because they were naked in the same up

irene: “i could cut myself slapping your face” louise belcher wants your number

bi john when he sees irene: o///o “...i’ve missed something haven’t i?”

sherlock isn’t affected by naked irene thus i headcanon him as aro/ace (or even demi/ace in john’s case like my own holmes character) thank you and good night

irene just sits her bare butt on the chair why

JOHN SISTER NANI???? :o

also this font is so basic WHY LOCKIE

irene: “somebody loves you” *glances at john* ok i like her a tad she gets it ;)

john: “put something on, please. like.. a napkin?” lol :D

irene’s like ‘why’ JUS LIKE SHERLOCK BUT I SHALL NOT SHIP THIS SHIP THE SHOW IS TRYING TO SHIP

also john giggles at naked sherlock and is like ‘plz no’ with naked irene (although i would be too that lady is OUT THERE)

ooh antiques roadshow! :D

also she’s dressed like lockie NO

irene: “brainy is the new sexy” plz no :(

she took her clothes off ‘to make an impression’ yep

WAIT  they were just outside now they’re back in wut???

irene was born in the 80s cool :D

WOAH why are there more guy with guns?

and *le gasp* AN AMERICAN????

DON’T SHOOT JOHN AMERICAN!!!

ooh what was the code? :o

EPIC SLOW MO FIGHT YOOOOOO

DANNNNG IRENE JUS GUN SMACKED A GUY

sherlock just flipped a phone LIKE A FLIP PHONE OHHHH

irene is number 1 sherlock fan besides john confirmed

at first i thought it was a fandom phrase but it’s not! :o

WHY DID IRENE JUST PUNCH SHERLOCK

SHE’S WHIPPING HIM????

this reminds me of a certain sw ship... :(

yeah i don’t ship them AT ALLLLLL NOW

the key code is irene’s measurements DOES SHE MEAN...

the camera’s spinning FLASHBACK???

woah are they in the case?? this could be sherlock’s mind palace!

irene: “you got that just from one look? definitely the new sexy” NONONONONOO

outside bed

awww sweet bby ;)

did john tuck him in?

CRAP it was ireneeeeee >:(

the way she says ‘hush now it’s ok...’ is like count olaf in the hostile hospital when he drugs violet :o

LOCKIE’S FIRST WORDS WHEN WAKING UP WHERE JOHN awwww :D

OMG DID JOHN REALLY TUCK HIM IN awwww!!!!!!! ♥

lestrade filmed loopy sherlock lol :D

john: “ahhh back to bed!” awww :)

sherlock: “iiii’m fine i’m absolutely fine!!!’ drugged sherlock is a treasure ♥

sherlock: ”why would i need you?” john: “no reason at all” :)

ew was that an irene phone moan gross

DID SHERLOCK CHANGE HIS TEXT NOTIF TO THAT???

mrs. hudson: “family is all we have in the end, mycroft holmes!” mycroft: “oh shut up, mrs. hudson!” john: “my-“ sherlock: “MYCROFT!!!!” lol :D

mrs. hudson: “it’s a bit rude that noise isn’t it?” indeed!!

sherlock: “you can follow her on twitter” TWITTER IN THE HOLMESVERSE????

sherlock: “there’s more! much more” but wait... THERE’S MORE!

LOCKIE VIOLIN!!!!! :D

THE CHRISTMAS THING WASN’T A FAN MANIP HOLY YAS!!!!!!!! :D

cool sweater john!!! :D

:D

molly: ‘having christmas drinkies then?” wallace wants walkies thank you very much

john: “she’s off the booze!” sherlock: “nnnope” john: “shut up sherlock” lol

john to sherlock: ‘take a day off” lockie doesn’t know the concept mr doc

DID SHERLOCK NAME MOLLY CRY???? :o

HE KISSED HER????

sherlock still has the irene moan after all this time WHY

finding irene on christmas coolio :D

molly: “how did sherlock recognize her by... without her face?” ;)

sherlock smoking bad >:(

WOAH IS IRENE DEAD?????

VIOLIN YAS!!!! :D

smiley smiley :)

awww sherlock plucked a bit :)

OH CRAP IRENE’S BACC

john: “you flirted with sherlock holmes? “someone jellyyyy ;)

OOHH THIS IS THE IRENE JOHNLOCK SCEEENE!!!!!!! :D

irene: “you jealous?” john: “we’re not a couple!” irene: “yes you are.” ;)

john: “i’m not actually gay” irene: “well i am” IRENE LESBIAN GOOD!!!!

irene: “look at us both” (or perhaps bi like john could be...?)

biiiiiig door creak

UGH american... >:(

someone comfort mrs. hudson!! :(

sherlock: “take away your boys. it makes up for too much stupid in the room” he’s surrounded by idiots...

OMG SHERLOCK PEPPER SPRAYYY

awww he’s comforting mrs. hudson :)

john comfort! ♥

the guy’s tied up like the foody moody in bob’s burgers cool :D

awww mrs. hudson’s in shock :(

sherlock: “mrs. hudson leaving baker street? england would fall!” awww! :D

john says ‘alive’ like an irish guy :D

OMG IT’S NEW YEAR!!!!

happy violin new year! :D

sherlock’s xraying a phone lol

john said ‘in your bedroom’ BUT IT’S HIS AND SHERLOCK’S

and irene’s! :o

sherlock: “who wants to kill you?” irene: “killers” lol :D

sherlock said ‘the strand’!!!! :D

irene looks better without lipstick :)

the code is ‘i am SHERlocked’ HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW???

random john middle name reveal lol :D

FOR BABY NAMES NOOOO

john’s is hamish and eugene’s (from tangled) is hoarace... it’s the weird h middle name club! :D

sesame street time :D

...what in the world did sherlock just spout

john said ‘flight double o 7′ JAMES BOND REFERENCE????

MYCROFT IS SAYING ‘BOND ERE IS GO’ yep that’s bond!!!

sherlock didn’t notice john was gone for 2 hours lol :D

ooh sherlock says ‘second world war’ instead of ‘world war two’ :o

NONONONONNONONONONNOOOOOOOOO

sherlock: “that’s not the end of the world, that’s mrs. hudson” lol :D

mycroft: “that’s the deceased, always late” hey yeah :o

WOAH HE JUST CALLED SHERLOCK NAIVE AND IRENE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS :o

oh hey irene

irene: “jim moiarty sends his love” ha ha funny love :D

WAIT MOIARTY CALLS SHERLOCK A VIRGIN??? :o

THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS NOOOOO

bada bing BADA BOOM!!!!!!!!!

wowza it’s been 6 months since they met???

sherlock: “sorry about dinner” *leaves* yesss :)

i’m glad they didn’t kiss and just held hands that was nice to make johnlock dreams fly :)

OMG IRENE LEGIT DIED THIS TIME BY BEHEADING!!!!! :o

john told sherlock she was in amurica good :)

lockie wants her camera phone aww :(

way better than any hand holding irene and sherlock did! ♥

awww irene texted sherlock goodbye :(

ew the irene moan one last time...

sherlock laughed and called her ‘a woman... the woman’ awww :)

that was a bittersweet ending! :)

aaaand it’s over!

next time... ;)

that was a great season premiere!!! irene was kind of cool (i like how she and sherlock were just friends) and the mystery was engaging as always. and of course... it was nice finally hearing lockie’s violin!! here’s to next time! :D

[letdecemberburninflames]

Whack-A-Nazi

Fic Type: Winchester Sister!Reader 

Warnings: mentions of Neo Nazism, minor violence, blood, mention of school shooting 

Song: Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People

I roll out of bed, a yawn slipping through my lips as I stretch. Throwing on some clothes (a flannel shirt, jeans, the usual) I walk down the winding hallways and into the kitchen where Dean was cooking breakfast.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Dean hands me a plate with bacon and some eggs. “There’s orange juice in the fridge.” 

“Thanks, Dean.” I peck him on the cheek before pouring myself a glass of orange juice and making my way to the library, where I knew my other brother would be slaving away. The only person we were missing was Castiel. He was gone, and we hadn’t heard from him in months. Yeah, I was worried. But I also knew that Cas could handle himself, and that if he needed help he’d ask. Hopefully. It had been stressful, between meeting Henry Winchester, my grandfather, and finding out about the Men of Letters, I had had a very busy few months. But, we finally had a place to call home. The Bunker. Sure, we had a minor problem. Abaddon, a Knight of Hell. She was a bitch, but not exactly a major problem at the moment. I mean, she wasn’t causing any mass destruction, so it wasn’t high on our to-do list. Not that we weren’t hunting her. Of course, Kevin was still busy trying to figure out a way to close the Gates of Hell forever.

 I sat down next to Sam, taking a drink of my orange juice.

“So get this,” Sam looks up from his computer screen. “Apparently, this high schooler, Timothy Byrnes, from Arlington, Virginia shot up a three of his classmates at school.”

“And?” I ask through a mouthful of bacon.

Sam rolls his eyes. “And, all these kids had something in common. The three kids he shot all had the same brand of shoes, Air Jordan 3 Retro Soulfly’s. They’re about $7,000 on Ebay.”

I sigh. “How is this our kind of thing? How do we know he just didn’t want the money?” I put down my fork and scoot closer to peer at Sam’s computer screen.

“Because he didn’t need the money.” Sam’s fingers flicked across the keyboard. “Timothy Byrnes’ family owns almost half of Apple in stock. He could’ve just as easily bought the shoes himself. On top of that, he’s a straight A student with an immaculate record. Real mild-mannered, from what it looks like. But here’s the kicker. Mr. Byrnes is a real big World War II history buff, and apparently likes collecting antiques from that time period.”

 I grin. “Sounds like we’ve got a case.”

 ---

“Mrs. Byrnes, I’m agent  Natalie Ackerman and this is agent Keith Banner. We’d just like to ask you a few questions about your son.” I flashed my fake FBI badge to the woman who strongly reminded me of Mrs. Dursley from Harry Potter.

“Yes, yes of course.” Mrs. Byrnes opened the door wider and invited me and Sam in. Dean was off investigating the crime scene and interrogating Timothy, leaving Sam and I to do some sleuthing of our own.

Mrs. Byrnes was tall and skinny with brown hair and a pale, pointed face. Behind her stood a little girl, who she promptly shooed off saying, “Abby, mommy has to talk with these nice agents. Why don’t you play in your room for a while?”. She had the posture of a pencil, and would’ve been quite intimidating if it wasn’t for the fact that she was dressed in Bugs Bunny pajama pants and looked like a disgruntled emu. The Byrnes residence was more or less a mansion, probably an inheritance from a wealthy uncle. Mrs. Byrnes led us into a living room with a grand piano and motioned for us to sit.

“I’m so sorry, the house is such a mess. I’ve been meaning to call the cleaning lady, but just haven’t gotten around to it.” She sat down on a white silk couch opposite of my brother and I.

 I tried not to gape at the huge crystal chandelier hanging above us. “It’s quite alright, Mrs. Byrnes-”

“Please call me Janet.” She smiled warmly.

“You have a lovely house, Janet.” I complimented. It never hurt to butter people up a bit before you roasted them.

“Thank you, I inherited it from father.” She smiled warmly at us.

“Janet. If you don’t mind, my associate would like to look around Timothy’s room?” I motioned to Sam.

 “That’s no problem, dear. Just up the stairs and down the hall, fifth door on the right. On the left is his game room, if you’d like to look in there as well.” Janet motioned to a grand staircase just visible through the wide doorway. Sam nodded and excused himself.

“Janet, did you notice anything odd about your son’s behavior before the shooting? Maybe a drop in grades, less appetite than usual, bouts of anger?”

Mrs. Byrnes’ brow furrowed. “No, not that I can recall. I mean, he’s always been a bit strange. He’s very smart you know- took all the AP classes, was in chess club, the debate team, mathletes group, TAG programs.” She gestured to a glass case by the fireplace full of trophies and photos and letters from the mayor, governor, and president. “He was very upset when his father wasn’t able to make it to his birthday last week…”

I looked up from scribbling notes as she paused. “Go on.” I encouraged.

Mrs. Byrnes took a watery breath. “My husband, James, is on a business trip in Germany currently. He was supposed to be home a matter of weeks ago, before Timothy’s birthday, but he wasn’t able to make it, something about a business transaction mishap. He sent him a lovely phonograph for him to play his vinyl record collection on, though.”

“Uh huh. So, anything else odd? Maybe cold spots, traces of sulfur or-”

Mrs. Byrnes’ eyes narrowed. “Are you asking if my son was involved in the Occult?”

 I swallowed hard. It wasn’t every day that people knew what we were talking about when we mentioned demonic omens and signs of hauntings. “Uh…”

Mrs. Byrnes lowered her voice and leaned closer to me, covering her mouth with her hand so no one could read her lips. “Meet me at the Blue Cafe at one.” She sat back up and resumed her normal demeanor. “No, nothing like that. In fact, I’m insulted that you’d suggest such a thing.” Her voice was icy and stuck up.

“Right... well my partner should be finished by now. Would you mind if I went up to Timothy’s room and looked around a bit before we leave?”

 Janet sighed exasperatedly, as if I was wasting her time. “I suppose. But make it quick, I have to go down to the juvenile detention center in an hour. My son has been given the death penalty.”

---

I peeked into the fifth room on the right to see Sam digging through a box of records. “Find anything?” I asked. Timothy Byrnes’ bedroom looked just like every other high school boy’s bedroom: messy. A half eaten box of pizza sat on the desk, along with stacks of calculus books and classic literature like Gulliver’s Travels. A Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 poster was hanging on the wall, next to a Sports Illustrated calendar featuring a bikini-clad model. Shoved up against one wall was a flat screen TV and almost every XBox game in existence. 

“Other than a stash of Playboy magazines and enough A+ homework assignments to choke a dragon? Nothing.” Sam tossed me a record. “I did find this.”

“Hey, I know this band!” I examined the vinyl record. “Okay, but what does a Foster the People record have to do with a school shooting?”

“I don’t think it’s got anything to do with the record so much as the record player. Come look at this thing. It’s gotta be from the 1940’s.” Sam motioned to the old phonograph perched precariously on top of a stack of comic books.

“Yeah, didn’t you say Mr. Byrnes was a huge WWII fanatic?” I trace my finger along the tone arm.

“Yeah… How about you? What’d you find out from Mrs. Byrnes?” Sam took the record from me, slid it back into its sleeve, and dropped it back into a box full of vinyls.

“Not much. Just what we already know; he’s a great kid, super smart, etc. She started acting really weird when I mentioned demonic omens though. Like, she knew about the sulfur thing. She told me to meet her at this place called the Blue Cafe at one.”

Sam glanced over to me. “Seriously? That’s kinda suspicious.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

“You’re welcome, Lieutenant Sarcastic.”

 ---

At one o’clock sharp I showed up at the Blue Cafe in downtown Arlington. Sure enough, Janet Byrnes was sitting at an outdoor table reading the latest edition of Vogue.

“Mrs. Byrnes.” I nod a greeting and take the seat opposite her.

“Agent Ackerman, thank you for coming on such short notice. I’m sorry for the cryptic invitation, but I can never be too careful, especially with my husband…” She shook her head. “Would you like anything to drink? My treat.” 

“Yeah, sure. A beer sounds great.”

“It’s my husband, Agent. He’s… Well he’s very secretive to say the least. I believe he had something to do with my son murdering those three boys.”

 I thanked the waiter for my beer and took a sip. “How so?”

 Janet looked around nervously. “I have reason to believe he may be a part of a cult.” She ran a finger along the rim of her martini glass. “James’ family, well his ancestors were Nazis. That’s why he’s so interested in the history and collecting artifacts, but I think he’s gotten into more than just the history. He’s a member of the American Nazi Party.”

 ---

 “American Nazi Party, huh?” Dean sipped his beer.

 Sam’s eyes were glued to his computer screen. “Yeah, I learned about that in high school. It supposedly started here in Arlington, Virginia in the sixties. Big on socialism and white power.”

 “But what does that have to do with a clean cut kid shooting up three of his classmates with $7,000 shoes?” Dean asked.

 I shrugged. “Beats me. Mrs. Byrnes thinks that it was some sort of initiation for the ANP, but her husband’s off in Germany right now, so I don’t know…” I reached over to turn on the radio next to Sam’s elbow. Music usually helped me think.

 All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

You better run, better run, outrun my gun

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

You better run, better run, faster than my bullet

 “SAM!” I yelled as the lyrics hit me, slamming my hand down hard on the motel table.

 “Jesus fucking Christ Y/N, what the hell is it?” A startled Sam Winchester eyed me like I’d lost my mind.

 “The record! Sammy, the record!”

 “Yeah, what about it?” Sam looked confused and Dean shot us both a look that clearly told me he thought we were crazy.

 “The vinyl album in Timothy’s room. The album, Torches, is the album that this song is on.”

 “And?” Dean’s eyebrow was raised, and I could tell that he was wondering what drugs I had taken.

 “Listen,” I turned up the radio volume as the chorus of the song played again.

 All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

You better run, better run, outrun my gun

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

You better run, better run, faster than my bullet

 “Shit.” Sam ran a hand through his hair. “You can’t be serious.”

 “Okay guys, what’d I miss?” Dean asked, still puzzled.

 “This song, Pumped Up Kicks, is by a band called Foster the People. Timothy Byrnes had an album by this band with this song on it. It was on a record player in his bedroom. I’m not sure if you were listening to the lyrics, but the song is about a school shooting where this kid with a father who’s gone a lot goes after some kids with “pumped up kicks”, in other words, really high end shoes.” I grinned. “Cursed object.”

 “Okay,” Dean took another swig of beer. “But what does this have to do with the Neo-Nazi thing?”

 Sam shrugged, closing his laptop. “Probably nothing. The mom’s just in hysterics because her kid did just kill three students. She’s probably looking for a outlet, some explanation as to why her kid just acted up and just happened to affiliate her husband’s love of WWII history and the fact that they live in Arlington to the murders. When really it’s just a cursed vinyl that made him go Charles Manson on his classmates.”

 Dean put his beer in the fridge. “Makes sense. Let’s go smash some records.”

 ---

 Three hours later, the Foster the People album was burned and we were on our way back to Lawrence, Kansas when we got a call from the police station where Dean had interrogated Timothy Byrnes. Apparently, his little seven year old sister, Abby Byrnes (the little girl I had seen with her mother when I first visited the Byrnes residence) had jumped off the top of a bank building on Williamsburg Boulevard in Arlington. Nobody knew how she got up there, only that she had gone to the bank with her mother, only to disappear. When they found her again, she was nothing but a blood splatter on the pavement.

 ---

 After talking with the local sheriff at the crime scene, Sam pulled Dean and I aside. “So apparently it wasn’t the Foster the People album.”

 I shook my head. “Yeah, and I’d say that it was the phonograph, but Timothy isn’t dead and his sister is. It doesn’t add up.”

 “We’re going back to the Byrnes residence anyway, so might as well check it out.”

 ---

 “John Mayer. Guess what song it just played?” Sam held up a vinyl record.

 Dean, the avid classic rock fan that he is, had his lips pressed in a thin line. “Free Fallin’.”

 “Yep.” Sam didn’t even bother to resleeve the record before he tossed it back into the box. “Which means,” He sent a malevolent glance towards the phonograph. “We have some research to do.”

 “I know a great place for lunch,” I pipe in. “The Blue Cafe.”

 ---

 I swallowed a bite of my BLT club sandwich, an uncomfortable feeling that I was missing something important settling in my stomach. Dean was inhaling his second burger, and Sam was busy typing away on his laptop.

 “Okay guys, get this. The building that Abby Byrnes was “Free Fallin” off of was the first headquarters of the American Nazi Party. The second was a mansion on Rudolf St. that belonged to a the widow of a man named Willis Kerns. When Mrs. Kerns died, she passed the house on to her daughter, Janet and her husband James Byrnes, an Apple stock investor and avid World War II artifact collector who passed away in 2005.”

 Dean and I both dropped our sandwiches. “You’re joking.”

 “Nope.” Sam glanced up from his computer screen. But it gets worse. “Apparently, the American Nazi Party was founded by George Rockwell, the right hand man of Commander Eckhart, leader of a sect of the Thule Society.”

 I groaned. “Not them again. Please tell me you’re joking.” The Thule Society was a group of Nazi necromancers that could regenerate because of a successful experiment.  We weren’t really on the best of terms with them, considering we destroyed a ledger that was the only remaining information from the experiment that gave them their regenerative abilities.

 “Son of a bitch…” Dean muttered, rubbing his eyes. “So what about the phono-whatever?”

 “I’m working on it.” Sam’s fingers were practically a blur as he scrolled through pages of information. “Right here. Apparently, the phonograph belonged to Hitler himself. It’s a myth, but yeah. Legend says it’s how he got his closest advisors and the foot soldiers to actually do all those horrible things to the Jews. Whatever is played on this phonograph, whether it be a recording of a voice or music or whatever, it would brainwash the listener or listeners into doing whatever was spoken. So, in Timothy’s case, he killed a bunch of kids with “pumped up kicks” and Abby went “free fallin”.”

 “Wait.” I turned on my phone and started to do some research of my own. “Mrs. Byrnes told me that her husband was on a business trip to Germany and sent Timothy the phonograph as a birthday gift. Which means, assuming that her husband is dead, that she knew full well the capabilities of the phonograph.”

“Then why would she- Oh. OH. Sam, Y/N, Abby and Timothy aren’t dead. It only looks that way.” Dean’s eyes widened.

 I nearly laughed. “She hid the truth in plain sight. She told me that she thought her husband was trying to get Timothy initiated into a Nazi cult, when it was really her all along. She’s a member of the Thule Society, a necromancer. Abby and Timothy aren’t dead, they’re back at their house, the Kerns Mansion.”

 ---

 I double checked the bullets in my handgun. “Headshot, then salt and burn right?”

 “Yep.” Dean kicked down the front door of the Byrnes’ mansion.

 I could hear rushed chanting coming from the living room where I had first talked to Janet Byrnes. I followed Sam and Dean, keeping my eyes peeled for any other members of the Thule or the ANP. I peeked into the living room, only to see the bodies of the three boys Timothy killed lying on the coffee table, stomachs slit open and organs spilling out onto the floor. Blood stained the white marble floors and silk couch as the mother and her son and daughter continued to chant in Latin, oblivious to the fact we had just stormed the gates. Each person held one of the dead boys’ hearts in their hands, blood spilling from their palms as if they had pulled the hearts from the boys’ chests with their bare hands. They probably had.

 We took no time in pumping as many rounds of lead as we could into their brains before dragging them out into the backyard gardens and having ourselves a nice, large Thule Society/American Nazi Society barbecue that we seasoned heavily with salt. With a side of charred cursed phonograph, of course.

 ---

 Dean collapsed in an armchair in the Bunker library. “I’m getting real sick of those Thule motherfuckers.”

 “You’re telling me.” Sam poured himself some scotch and grabbed a book to read.

 “Let’s just agree that next time Hitler pops his head up, we’re gonna let someone else whack-a-mole him, okay?”