#Jake plays Stellaris

[jakey-beefed-it]

Tonight in Stellaris I was very nearly hoist by my own petard

So if you design a custom civilization, the computer might decide to put it in a later game where you’re playing as someone else. So if you make Shiny Rainbow Pacifist Fish-People Democracy, they might turn up in your next game as humans or blorg or whatever.

I did not know this.

So when my Federation-Building humans with the fanatic egalitarian and non-fanatical pacifism ethos expanded into the galaxy, it was going great. Everybody liked me, my realm was prosperous and everyone wanted to live there, I very quickly became the most populous and economically successful empire in the game just because everyone else’s populations just... preferred to live in mine and I welcomed everyone so they could. 

I met a few other empires who got snippy but nobody declared war on me; everybody was pretty quick to realize that I was a good neighbor, and I formed, led, and expanded a proper Federation to include basically half the galaxy- everybody even slightly reasonable. The only holdouts were the fanatic xenophobes and the hive minds. Which, you know, you guys do you, that’s fine.

And then.

And then.

One of my science ships discovered a hostile alien empire. They didn’t want to talk. I put an envoy on establishing contact regardless. Turns out... they’re the organic-life-destroying machine intelligence I made a couple weeks ago, the “Eradication Imperative.” And they control a solid third of the galaxy, which they have purged of organic life.

So fortunately... I’m only moderately pacifistic, and my people are 100% fine with launching a war of self-defense against the goddamn Reaper-Borg-Cylons, and the rest of the galaxy agreed to jump in on that action since I’m on the Security Council and made it a priority to denounce them. And I’m happy to report that things are going relatively well and it seems likely we’ll win because I decided to step in early rather than let them turn a full third of the galaxy they controlled into machine worlds and just crank out fleets of kill-bot ships

because that’s their end-game strategy and I know this because I fucking made them like that

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP: Chapter 31: I Am Strong When I Am On Your Shoulders

Title: For The Love Of A Princess

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: There's one announcement I almost forgot but is probably better to make. There won't be an update on the 1st of February. Why? Because I'll be gone over the (longer) weekend, visiting a friend in the UK, meeting more friends, and watching the film, of course. (It. Will. Be. Awesome! :D) Just so you know ;)

This week's title, as well as that of next week, is from 'You Raise Me Up' (originally) by Secret Garden. It took me a while to pick these titles, but this song and lyrics embrace exactly what I want to convey with these chapters.

. o O o .

Riding on the ridiculous and uncomfortable side saddle, Astrid’s hands around Markor’s reins were tighter than was necessary, the leather creaking beneath her gloves, as she rode amidst the slow procession following the Fyrirs. After ritualistically lighting the holy fire in the palace’s sacred grove, the highest representative of each of the main Orders now carried their torch through the ever-growing darkness back toward the High Temple. It was an awfully slow ride, even with the elderly Fyrir Gothi being helped along in a sedan chair, her ten-foot-high torch being carried by her aid, and Astrid tried to focus on enduring rather than on anything else. This day had been bad enough already with the endless reception in the morning, and the socialising afterwards hadn't been any better. But now? She gritted her teeth, and for once didn’t fight to keep her mask from slipping into a scowl. That was one advantage of this ride through near-total darkness, after all. Nobody could see her, not with every light in the city doused in preparation for the blot.

It shouldn’t have surprised her. She knew that this was an official event, that today, she was even more of a royal adornment than on most other days. But it still had needed Eret’s smug grin as they were on their way to the horses outside to realise that, of course, she would have to ride on that ridiculous side saddle, like a proper Lady.

Astrid grimaced down at the uncountable glass beads which occasionally caught the light of the torches, then sighed and tried to focus on something positive. Like how there at least was no real danger of her ruining the dress or the saddle with how incredibly slow they were riding!

She wanted to scream.

Yes, of course, they couldn’t ride faster anyway. The only sources of light were the torches with the holy flame the Fyrirs carried, which were at the front of the procession, and those of the Stellari, the direct subordinates of the Fyrirs, who were scattered among their group. All other lights all over the city had been doused at sunset, celebrating the darkness, the end of this year’s cycle, and the coming return of the light. They didn’t even have the light of the moon to help illuminate the way over the cobblestones, with the sky covered by clouds, and besides, their pace was limited to that of the Fyrir. It was a sensible reason to go at this slow pace, and that made it okay. And if she was honest to herself, what bugged her the most had been Eret’s smug grin anyway.

Although, there had been none of that when she’d glanced at him as they’d left the castle’s ground anymore. On the contrary, he’d looks stern, even troubled somehow. Petty as it was, she was almost glad that her threat from all those weeks ago had become true. That, if she actually had to ride at a slow trot with this saddle, Eret would have to suffer the same agonising pace.

She tried to focus on that, on Eret, the saddle, the slow pace, the annoying day… anything if only it helped to keep her from thinking about what had happened just now.

Gods, she’d died a thousand deaths the moment Hiccup had touched her!

What had he been thinking? Getting so close, touching her so intimately, and in front of so many people? Her father had seen it, as had Daniel and who knew how many others? That surely hadn’t been what Daniel had asked him to do, judging by the stony and stunned expression on his face. But then…

Astrid inhaled deeply and then slowly let the breath out again. Daniel might not have liked it, but he also hadn’t done anything to punish Hiccup right away. Maybe it was because they had no time right now, with the procession and the grand blot, but she hoped that she’d been convincing enough in not minding the contact. Daniel looked more at ease now; not like he was about to order a death sentence the moment they got off their horses, at least.

And well… It wasn’t as if she’d truly minded the contact anyway.

Freya, it had been so good to feel him after this day, to feel his warmth, the ghost of his breath on her skin as he’d lifted her up, so easily as if she weighed nothing. She knew that he was stronger than he looked, had felt his wiry muscles move beneath his skin, but still. She’d been sorry when the contact had ended – far too soon – but she also knew that there hadn’t been another choice. Making him sit behind her on Markor’s back so that they could cuddle and whisper and kiss during this boring ride… that definitely sounded great, but wasn’t really sensible.

Sighing, she sat up straighter, her smile truer now. No, that wasn’t sensible at all – but she could dream about doing all that once they met at the stables tonight again. What were these boring hours compared to those of bliss and lightness she shared with him?

And, well, this part of the day wasn’t that bad anyway. Aside from riding on this uncomfortable saddle, she quite enjoyed this ride through the darkness. It was so quiet and peaceful, the only sounds being those of the horses and the torches. The city itself was eerily dark and quiet too, with most people having gathered at the smaller temple buildings all over the city where the only sources of lights would be tonight, all waiting for the darkest hour and for the ceremony itself. It always had been something mysterious, this calm darkness, and Astrid enjoyed it greatly.

. o O o .

With a grateful nod, Astrid accepted a glass from the serving girl’s tray, and took a sip of the light wine. It’s sweet tasted rolled over her tongue, making her close her eyes, to fully enjoy it – and the brief moment of solitude it brought her.

“And this is a good friend of mine, Baroness Corrine of Blackshire,” the Countess of Whitevale continued her introduction. “Her son Jake, the heir to his father’s barony, rose to the position of a captain in the Royal Army this year, isn’t that right, my dear?”

“Oh, yes, it is,” Lady Corrine affirmed enthusiastically. “He is such a good boy, and we are so proud of him. And handsome too, if I as his mother may say so. I’m sure you would like him if you met him, your Highness.”

Astrid’s smile felt more artificial than ever as she gave a slight nod. “I’m sure I would,” she replied politely, then added not quite as courteous, “but I hope you’ll excuse me now.” She nodded at the Countess and her friends who all curtseyed before her, clearly disappointed about her leaving them – escaping them – already.

This was another part of the Midwinter festivities that used to be bearable, but by now was only dreadful. The hours between nightfall and midnight were traditionally dedicated to forming new connections, new friendships. People introduced friends to one another and new ties were built for a new beginning once the sun returned. Or at least that was the idea. As a child, she’d liked these hours when she’d met so many other children and had been allowed to play with them. But none of those friendships had ever lasted longer than these hours, and by now, forming new ties mostly meant people wooing for her favour to support their agendas or to advertise possible future husbands to her. And she’d definitely had enough of that today already.

It was practically customary; the dark and cold winter nights without much fighting or fieldwork to distract them seemed to make many a man think about marriage, and these days of official mingling always called forth those who thought addressing her directly – in addition to an official proposal sent to her father, of course – would give them a better chance.

During the last years, she’d been annoyed at this. As if she had any say in who her father would choose! No matter how much thought a young man put into proposing to her, her opinion wouldn’t matter much.

But this year, things were different. This year, she’d accepted their fine words, their gifts to win her favour, and the exaggerated manner in which some of them proposed – because, by Frigga, they’d been ridiculous this year – with nothing but a polite smile, knowing that all their efforts would be in vain anyway. Although she had been amused by that one southern countess who had introduced her son as a potential groom, with the incredibly unsubtle bride price of a fleet of trading ships and the contents therein. What her father would even do with fifteen ships laden with silks, spices and tea was beyond her...

She looked around the dimly lit room, searching for the one face in the crowd that would settle her nerves, when a highly unwelcome person approached her.

“Good evening, Milady.”

The voice alone made her groan inwardly. Quickly, her eyes darted around, finally finding Daniel, Eret, and the others, but they were busy talking to a larger group of noblemen at the other end of Odin’s Hall. Too far away to flee to without making a scene, and she couldn’t do that. Not here and not now, not during these peaceful hours of forming bonds.

So she turned, slowly, and said in as composed a voice as she could muster, “Good evening, your Grace.”

Duke Thuggory smirked. “Why so formal, Milady? We’ve been friends for so many years now; don’t you think it’s time for you to leave the stiff titles aside?”

“I wouldn’t say that we are friends, Duke Thuggory,” she said in a low voice, so quietly that nobody but him would be able to hear her.

It only served to make Thuggory laugh, however. “You’re very right, Milady Astrid. Friends is surely not the right word to use. But thinking about it… I wouldn’t mind my wife to show proper respect, so feel free to continue addressing me by my title. And if you’re good, I might even support your love of riding by allowing you to ride me,” he added with an insinuating smirk.

Astrid’s eyes squinted at the last comment, not able to make any rhyme or reason to it, but quickly decided that now was not the time to think about it. Instead, her hands balled into fists at her side. “I will never be your wife,” she hissed. “What makes you even think���”

“Oh, but I think my chances aren’t so bad. The Crown needs strong alliances to keep the Kingdom stable. And isn’t that what you want, too? To support your father and brother in their goal to care for the people?”

Astrid’s mouth clamped shut, her teeth gritting, as she forced herself to stay composed. “This is not about what I want,” she brought forth, surprising even herself with the calmness in her voice. “My Father will, with the Gods’ advice, decide who I’m going to marry, not me.” It was a safe thing to say, better than that the Gods had already chosen. That she already knew who her husband would be one day. She almost laughed as, in that moment, she finally understood what Hiccup had meant a while back. It was part of the Gods’ plan that they belonged together, and nobody, not even Thuggory, would be able to change that – and that gave her a good feeling.

However, her words only made Thuggory laugh again, low and patronising. “Oh, don’t underestimate your… power, Princess. If you said you wanted to marry me, that would have quite an effect on the King’s decision.”

“And why would I ever do that?” Thuggory had to be delusional, if he really thought she would...

“I am a very powerful and influential man, Princess. Agree to marry me, and with my support, the Crown would gain more strength than you can ever imagine. But make me an enemy, and you will bitterly regret it. It’s your call, Your Highness. Think about it. I’d certainly be of more value to you than the Houses that already stand loyally to you, or any of those other sorry milksops that were scraping before you today. And don’t even get me started on that cute admirer of yours.”

She had endured his monologue with a stony expression, intent on not giving him the satisfaction of reacting at all. But the last words made her frown in confusion. Cute admirer? What was he talking about?

“That boy earlier,” he elaborated, seeing her confusion. “I can hardly tell them apart. Somehow, they all look the same. You seem to have a type, I’d say.” His grin grew menacing. “Will we see him dangling off Odin’s Tree soon, too? Or have you gotten tired of that show by now, and have something more drastic planned for him?”

Astrid blanched as she understood what he was talking about. He’d noticed… Thuggory had noticed! He knew about Hiccup, knew–

“But he really is cute, in a puppy-like way,” Thuggory went on, unperturbed. “And so in love.”

Astrid’s heart was racing, but she knew only one way out of this. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she stated nonchalantly as she chanted inwardly, Play ignorant. Throw him off. Nobody can know…

And it seemed as if her efforts were successful.

“Oh, you haven’t even noticed?” Thuggory jeered. “The poor boy. He obviously has such a huge crush on you. Always has his eyes on you wherever you go, and you didn’t even notice…” He chuckled, but it didn't sound friendly at all. “But then, that's probably for the best, given your… history, Milady. And luckily for him, he’s not bold enough to just take you like a man, even though I almost thought he would try. Did you know that he’s been seen frequenting an Ástir who’s impersonating you? He really must have it bad for you.”

Suddenly feeling a little calmer, Astrid took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh again. She wasn't sure what Thuggory had intended by saying these words, but whatever it was, it wasn't working. On the contrary, if the general impression was that Hiccup had an unrequited crush on her… then that wasn't so bad. As far as she knew, that was true for many. She also couldn't quite grasp what the sense behind mentioning Cami had been, but Hiccup had told Astrid all about her; who she was, what she did, and how she ultimately was responsible for the wonderful nights she’d been spending with Hiccup lately. No, if Thuggory had meant to make her feel uncomfortable, then he'd failed – and that knowledge made her feel even better.

“I've heard Ástir impersonating me are quite popular these days,” she commented offhandedly. The thought was weird, but… well, that was how things worked. Even if she wanted, she couldn’t change it, and it didn’t really affect her anyway. Especially since she knew that those close to her who had interacted with Cami had other reasons to do so. “Maybe you should visit one too, given your fixation. But you’ll have to excuse me now, Your Grace. I have more pleasant company to seek.” She curtsied again with an almost mocking smile, then turned and left him standing.

It was a good feeling to do so. She was strong enough to stand up against Thuggory now when she’d barely been able to do so a week ago, and it brought a confident smile onto her face as she strode through the dimly lit Hall. She hadn’t even thought about where she was going, but her smile widened when she spotted her brothers laughing and beckoning her over when they saw her – and Hiccup who stood a little to the side. His eyes were gleaming when they fell on her even though his expression stayed the same as before.

Thuggory’s words crossed her mind again, about Hiccup obviously having a crush on her and her not even having noticed. Oh, if only he knew how wrong he was. But the fact that he didn’t know – and nobody else either – brightened her mood even further.

Astrid took her place among her brothers with a smile and a polite nod at the strangers they were talking to, vividly aware of Hiccup’s presence only a couple of steps away from her. She wasn’t fooling herself, knew exactly where her strength and confidence was coming from. It was him, his support, his trust, his love glowing in her chest, and the dream of their future. He made her strong, and that feeling was indescribable.

. o O o .

When the time for the grand blot had arrived, Astrid followed her father out of Odin’s Hall to where the Fyrirs already waited at the centre of the sacred grove. Daniel was walking at her side, and once they’d taken their places in the first row, more noblemen flowed out of the Temple buildings, the plaza filling rapidly until every last bit of space was occupied. Astrid knew that even the road outside the temple would be packed with people, all waiting for the holy fire to bring back the light into their world.

The Fyrirs stepped forward, their torches the only light on the dark plaza, and Astrid felt a shiver run up her arms. Not because of the cool night air, but because this moment always captivated her. On an invisible signal, all Fyrirs – or in case of the mute Fyrir Gothi, her highest Stellari – began to speak, reciting words as old as the oldest stories, their voices weaving into one another until they seemed to become one single voice that carried far over the assembled people.

“The old year is coming to an end. A new year begins. May it be full of light, of justice, of truth, and of happiness. May it be full of new life, of good crops, of laughter, and of love. May it be victorious, so that it ends in peace.“

Then the torches holding the holy fire were thrown onto the pyre behind them. The wood, partially soaked in lamp oil, began to burn instantly, and only moments later the bonfire calling back the light into their world burned high into the night sky. More speeches followed, each of the Orders giving individual blessings for the new cycle. Then the sacrifices were brought forward, a bag of corn, a basket full of fruits and vegetables, a barrel of mead, and a goat. Astrid didn’t enjoy watching the animal get killed, but Fyrir Throk was skilled about it, not causing unnecessary pain, and it was over quickly. Each Fyrir picked one of the offerings and gave it over into the flames, before the rest got carried away, being brought to the kitchens in Freya’s Temple as Astrid knew. Nothing would go to waste.  

After that, the ritual five minutes of silence followed as the offerings burned and each and every person would be sending their individual wishes and prayers to the Gods. Astrid shakily let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. As always, she prayed for a merciful year that wouldn’t take anyone dear to her away from her.  In previous years, she’d felt a little sad at the thought that, before her grandfather had reestablished the old beliefs, these words and ritual hadn’t been held here for many years. It had made her melancholic, but also proud that now the light of the Gods was brightening their land again where it had drowned in darkness and corruption before.

But this year, she also felt something different. The words of the ritual rang through her mind once more, making her feel a far more personal connection to these words. A year of happiness, love, and peace… Yes, she prayed with all her heart that this would come true.

When Daniel touched her arm, she looked up, dazed and overwhelmed. “Let’s go over there,” he murmured. “And give the people more space.” He indicated to the slow procession of people, commoners mostly, who came forward to light their torches on the bonfire. Most of them directly transferred the flame to a candle or lantern to safely carry it back to their home, to light their hearth with it. To bring back light and warmth into the world.  

Astrid nodded, and followed Daniel to where a couple of stone benches formed a slightly secluded bit of space amidst the sacred grove. When she looked around, she realised that nearly her entire family was waiting for them. Her father and Daniel, but also Dagur and Eret with their fathers, a couple of servants along with her governess to watch over her, and, of course, Hiccup. Rachel and Timothy were missing, as were Uncle Spitelout and Snot. But she would see the twins later tonight, and she knew that her other honorary uncle and brother couldn’t always make it to the capital for the Midwinter festivities. The people of Westhill needed them, needed to know that their Grand Duke would always stand with his battered people. But that didn’t change that almost everyone she cared about was gathered here, and that only heightened her feeling of solemnity. It was, indeed, a good start into the new year. Into a good year, hopefully.

Her eyes flickered over Hiccup where he stood halfway behind Eret. As if knowing the perfect moment, he looked up just in time to meet her gaze, the briefest of smiles gleaming in his eyes before he lowered them again and the other men stepped between them. Both she and Daniel were hugged in turn by their father, a rare gesture, before he turned to speak to them all.

“My friends, brothers, family. It is, as always, an honour and a pleasure to spend this special day with you. Let us celebrate tonight, both for the beginning of a new cycle and for those who can’t be with us tonight.”

There was approving murmuring from everyone, before they exchanged their gifts, meant as good wishes and lucky charms for the upcoming year. Astrid received a new necklace from her father, with fitting bracelets and earrings from the Grand Dukes. The jewellery was remarkable, heavy gold with countless stones in varying shades of blue set into intricate patterns. The set surely was more valuable than most of her other pieces; the men had clearly outdone themselves.

In return, however, Astrid felt self-conscious as she handed her gifts to her father, uncles, and brothers. Not being able or allowed to get them anything meaningful or personal, her governess had – like every year – insisted upon her making pretty good luck charms, stripes of valuable cloth she’d embroidered with traditional motives over the year. It always pained her to gift these, it wasn’t what she wanted to gift to her family, but everyone thanked her nonetheless.

It was a blessing really that her brothers knew about her pain. It meant they’d stopped getting her any extremely valuable things in return too to not make her feel left out. Instead, they usually got her small things, practical or sometimes self-made things – or sometimes something especially inappropriate, just to annoy her governess. Like the relatively small and light, but incredibly sturdy composite bow Eret gave her, with a simply decorated quiver full of fitting arrows from Dagur. Astrid accepted both pieces with a wide grin. She probably would never get the chance to use them, but they would make for a wonderful decoration for her rooms, and the horrified expression on her governess’s face alone was the best gift anyway.

“Wait, there’s something else I have for you,” Dagur announced as Daniel was about to speak, and waved a servant over with a heavy-looking wooden box. “Technically, this isn’t a gift though, not really. It’s just a replacement for your previous coffer. I’ve heard someone broke it.” He winked, and threw a short, falsely-dark glare at Hiccup, knowing perfectly well what had happened, that Hiccup had broken the lock on purpose.

“Oh, that’s great,” she chuckled. “Very practical to carry everything back to the castle,” she announced cheerfully, and unceremoniously let the cushioned box of jewellery and the bow and quiver fall into the coffer as if it was nothing but a simple carrier box.

“Very practical indeed,” Daniel agreed with a twinkle in his eyes. “But I hope you’ll be a little more careful with my gift, and won’t just dump it in there like that. Because that might render a great deal of work useless, and that would be a real shame.”

Astrid raised her eyebrow at her brother. “You put a lot of work into making me a gift?” she asked, a little disbelievingly. Smart and talented as Daniel was, anything including delicate craftsmanship and dexterity wasn’t really his thing.

And sure enough, he immediately backpaddled, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Well… No, I didn’t, but��� I arranged for it, and… well, I hope it’ll make you happy.” He beckoned to someone behind her, a servant she assumed, but was pleasantly surprised – and little startled, to be honest – when Hiccup stepped toward them.

He bowed deeply, appropriately for this setting, and murmured a low, “Milady,” in greeting. Then he held out his hands that held a bundle of cloth.

Astrid hesitated, and threw a puzzled look at Daniel, but he just smiled encouragingly and nodded. With slightly shaking hands, she reached to pull the bundle Hiccup still held open. It wasn’t that she was nervous about the gift; she had an idea what it might be after all. But she was acutely aware of how close her hands were to Hiccup’s and how her brothers were all watching them. Act indifferent!, she reminded herself.

As expected, amidst the protecting cloth appeared her music box. It looked just like it had when Hiccup had taken it from her rooms, but she knew that it would be mended. He wouldn’t give it back to her if it were otherwise. “It’s working again?” she asked nonetheless, just to say something and with an undeniably hopeful tone in her voice.

“It is,” Daniel confirmed in Hiccup’s stead, and shrugged. “Which is entirely to Hiccup’s credit though; I only made sure he had the time and means.” He gave her a – completely atypically for him – self-conscious smile.

A little overwhelmed, Astrid threw her arms around Daniel's neck. “Thank you!” she sighed, unsure how else to convey just how grateful she was.

Daniel chuckled, and returned her affectionate hug. “You’re welcome,” he murmured back. “I know how much it means to you, and I wanted to know you have it back before I leave – before we all leave you alone here again.”

She hugged him tighter, snivelling slightly, then pulled back to beam at him. Daniel returned the smile, and no further words were needed between them. Having her music box back was the greatest gift of all, more valuable to her than the bow and even the jewellery – and Daniel knew that.

“And thank you to you too, Hiccup,” she said after turning toward him and the box again, looking at him with all the gratitude and love she felt, for once not afraid what those around her would think it weird. They’d write it off as her joy over the gift, and she thrived in the moment.

“You’re welcome, Milady,” he murmured, smiling happily over her apparent joy. When she reached to testingly wind it up though, he pulled back to do so himself, and a moment later, the tiny dancer began to move. Over the noises of the bonfire and the people not far away, the melody was inaudible, but Astrid's mind provided it easily in time with the dancer's movements. Humming quietly, she watched the figure until, entirely on reflex, her arm rose as the dancing pattern reached the point where it would get stuck – except it didn’t.

With wide eyes, Astrid stared at the figure as it easily swirled and turned around, back and forth in to her unknown ways. Her mind was completely blank, unable to form coherent thoughts or provide the melody anymore. Then her head whipped up, and she gaped at Hiccup. “You repaired it!” she gasped, finally grasping the full meaning of those words.

Hiccup frowned slightly, and shrugged. “Yes, I did?” he acknowledged, hesitantly.

Before she could think twice about it, Astrid all but leapt forward, threw her arms around Hiccup’s neck in an equally enthusiastic hug as Daniel’s before, and gasped a breathless “Thank you!” into his ear. Hiccup froze in her embrace, his breath leaving him with an audible gasp, and – too late – Astrid realised what she was doing. She pulled back in an instant, but the damage was done.

Panic rose inside her, and she pressed one hand over her mouth as she first stared at Hiccup, seeing sparks of longing and fear dance behind his eyes, then at Dagur and Eret, who stood frozen solid and looked completely flabbergasted, before her eyes landed on Daniel. He had a stony, unreadable expression on his face, that tightened even further the moment their gazes met.

. o O o .

Next Chapter

[jakey-beefed-it]

Slaving despots

Xenophobic imperialists

Oh, a democracy! ...Of assholes.

Slug zealots

Despotic Imperialists

Man, this is a rough galactic neighborhood. Maybe if I just venture a little further...

[Nick Frost voice] “Shame.”

[jakey-beefed-it]

Playing Stellaris, slowly beating back the Awakened Empire in the last sixty years of the Game From Hell...

Ok so some context. I started off surrounded by slaving despots, despotic imperialists, etc. Beyond them were a machine intelligence bent on eradicating all life, a fanatical purifier xenocidal empire and TWO (fucking two!!!) devouring swarm empires bent on eating all life

I straight up abandoned one of my starting ethics (xenophilia) to embrace militarism, because I needed the bonuses to ship construction and fire rates and army damage. This changed my government from a Representative Democracy to a Military Commissariat, however. Which is. Not great. I mean we still have elections as often as other democracies, it’s just that our executive is necessarily from the military, serving first as Commander-in-Chief and-

Oh. Right. Well, unlike America, at least we’re a proper democracy, hell-bent on equality between species and across social strata (Actually social ‘stratum’ as everyone has the same ‘utopian abundance’ quality of life) because of our Fanatical Egalitarianism ethic.

Anyway.

On top of the Galaxy of Assholes, there have also been THREE crises, which is a first for me. First there was a Great Khan uniting a marauder empire, but since she was mostly hellbent on wiping out one of the devouring swarms I kinda... let her do her thing until she got ‘em and *then* I broke her fleets before going home. Then we were invaded by an extragalactic devouring swarm, which I scrambled to stop and managed to halt before it got too many of my one halfway decent neighbor’s systems. I thought I was in the clear, but no! The fallen empire suddenly awakens and starts conquering things... but I can’t do anything about that yet because at the same time, an extradimensional swarm of life-devouring energy beings shows up and I spend the next twenty years trying to stop that problem from escalating.

Finally, finally, I get that sorted out, but my fleets are in bad shape so I spend ten years or so on full wartime production despite it being “”““““peacetime”“““““ in that the awakened empire hasn’t picked a fight with specifically me... yet

Once my twenty fleets are built up, along with six Space Marine Legions massive armies of genetically augmented troops, I finally am in a decent position to declare war on the awakened empire, which by now has already taken over a full third of the galaxy.

I have fought tooth and nail to build a productive little empire where any species can come and thrive, and given how the galaxy keeps getting overrun by assholes, a lot of them have come to me as refugees. So even though the bulk of my population (like 50%) is human, the other half is a solid mix of like two dozen other species. One of whom are just straight up orcs, albeit cool honorable warrior klingon style orcs rather than marauding tolkien orcs or lol marauding warhammer orks

This hasn’t really come up beyond some of my admirals being orcs or space elves or mollusks or bird people or whatever

Until now, when my new leader was elected and her name was... Taradak? That’s not a human name-

Fuck yeah! What a badass! All hail Commissary-General Taradak! May she lead us to victory over the goddamned ancient precursors in time to actually win the goddamn game when the timer runs out in 2500

[jakey-beefed-it]

FINALLY eked out a victory in my Stellaris Game From Hell, mostly by benefit of being King of the Hill/Last Man Standing after far too many hostile empires and crises left the rest of the galaxy.... not doin’ so hot in comparison to Fortress Earth (and Friends)

[jakey-beefed-it]

New Stellaris game, going much better than the last one. Like 2/3 of the galaxy has joined my federation, and we’re all thriving. Took out the fanatical xenocidal nutbag empire before 2300 and just re-settled all their planets with the refugee species who came to me. Some humans have moved there too, but I settled them by repatriating the people who’d been driven out, and thought that was important.

About the only downside is hoo boy, people want to talk your ear off when more of them are friendly, don’t they? Can’t go 60 seconds without my AI advisor cheerfully going ‘Incoming Transmission!’

I feel morally good about using my words to solve problems 99% of the time, but it is a bit of a strain on my usual attitude in strategy games toward the computer which tends to be more of a mix between ‘i’m introvertedly/autistically/ADHDfully building my empire’s infrastructure, leave a message’ and 

[jakey-beefed-it]

So the other day, while playing Stellaris as the Terran Alliance, in the course of (more or less) peacefully expanding humanity to the stars, I found a duplicate ‘Earth’ in a duplicate ‘Sol’ system, but this Earth had been nuked to death and the only life on it were pre-sapient mutant cockroaches. Ok.

Eventually I did settle the planet (and re-named it Necromunda because why the hell not), genetically uplifted the mutant cockroaches to full sapience and citizenship, and kinda forgot about it.

A bit later, one of my scientist options came up and she was a cockroach. Amazing. Hired.

Years have passed and I am proud to say,

That Roachy R’ab se’Ska has been elected president of not only the Terran Alliance, but the entire Galactic Federation. Congratulations, madam president!

[jakey-beefed-it]

1.) Excellent Babylon 5 reference, and very apt to the situation

2.) I have enough military power to defeat them, albeit at a cost... if they don’t build any more ships. 

I have a feeling this is going to be a Bad Time for the galaxy at large and the Terran Alliance in particular since we surround these guys’ space on like 5/6 of the starlanes leading to/from it.

[jakey-beefed-it]

Now they got frakkin’ skinjobs?!

[jakey-beefed-it]

Right so I’m playing Stellaris as the Terran Alliance. We (humanity) overcame our fractious origin to forge a shared destiny among the stars. We even incorporated one alien species, uplifted three more, and even subjugated liberated the other human polity, the xenophobic and militaristic Commonwealth of Man. 

In our expansion, however, we found an odd thing.

That’s not... that’s not Sol. That’s like a quarter of the way around the galactic disc, probably 50,000 light years from Sol. What the-

Wait... ‘Sol 1′ is a molten world... ‘Sol 2′ is toxic, ‘Sol 4′ is barren, ‘Sol 5′ is a very familiar looking gas giant as is ‘Sol 6′ while ‘Sol 7′ and ‘Sol 8′ are ice giants.... and Sol 3 is specifically labeled as Earth... and it’s a Tomb World

Well, that’s just depressing to my population of basically Federation-humans. 

I know that probably the game just spits out systems more or less at random, and since I’m playing a modified version of the ‘United Nations of Earth’ (really just changed the name) it might not recognize me as the humans from the Earth... so it plopped in this grim little easter egg.

But what I keep thinking of is basically ‘BSG is real in this setting’s backstory and we just found the same ‘Earth’ they did in the first half of season 4′

[jakey-beefed-it]

Hmm. Taking bets now whether it’s more like Reapers, Tyranids, or those weird bio-horror guys from the old Star Wars EU

Honorable mention to the Andromedans who showed up in TOS

[jakey-beefed-it]

I love this stupid game

[jakey-beefed-it]

Lengthy Stellaris story under the cut. Would make a pretty decent space opera tbh.

So one of the various crises that can pop up in the end game of Stellaris is an extradimensional invasion. A big ol rip opens up in spacetime in one star system, and marauding fleets of energy beings come pouring out in all directions, hellbent on devouring sapient beings for whatever reason. This necessarily happens in the last third of the game, so post 2400, generally.

I was playing my Good Humans, who had expanded to control about a quarter of the galaxy and were in a federation with another couple empires which between them controlled another quarter or so. Sometime around 2300, the marauder empire to my galactic south unified under their Genghis Khan equivalent, so I had to stamp that out, thus militarizing far further. From the wreckage of their flagship I got a relic that, among other things, boosts attraction to the ‘militant’ ethic among my population.

Sometime around 2350, the big religious zealot Fallen Empire to the far galactic northeast decides it’s going to start burning the fleets and planets of my Federation allies because they settled on one or more of their ‘holy worlds’ which, you know, if they’re your holy worlds, maybe settle them yourselves or at least put up a warning sign? 

So by now enough people have embraced the militant ethos that my government has shifted from ‘Representative Democracy’ to ‘Military Commissariat’ with about even emphasis on egalitarianism, xenophilia, and militarism. This gives me a boost to army recruitment and fleet building.

Doing a quick count of available fleet power, between ALL of my fleets, I have like 150k. The aforementioned Fallen Empire has just over 200k. In a single fleet. Fuck.

Well, let it not be said that we abandon our allies in their time of need. My officers made ready, the crews bade their families goodbye with an air of grim resolve, and I dispatched the fleets. We invaded the Fallen Empire’s home system with only a space station to defend it. Even that kinda mauled one of my fleets before we subdued it, but such is war against a hopelessly more advanced species. I landed troops on both of their planets in that system, and waited for the counterattack.

It... never came.

They were so fucking busy rampaging around my poor allies that they just sorta... forgot... about their own systems. By the time they seemed to notice, I had conquered virtually all their planets. They finally did send the fleet back, which I met in battle while simultaneously invading their last planet.

My fleets fought valiantly, but even punching well above their weight thanks to the Great Khan’s throne relic and every temporary boost I could throw at them, they were scattered and much reduced. The Fallen Empire’s fleet, however, was also greatly reduced. Such that after I took their last planet and control of its defenses... they had no hope of breaching those defenses to land troops on any of their planets. They surrendered, and I took direct control of their space so that this could never happen again. My brave crews’ sacrifices would not be in vain.

I discovered a lot of tech from the wreckage of the Fallen Empire’s ships and stations. A lot. Such that I was, within 20 years, able to rebuild all my fleets much, much stronger than before. Each fleet now had a power of about 80k, bringing the total to almost 700k. I also discovered jump drive. I was rebuilding a full five fleets in spaceports in or neighboring Sol, plus three more at various far-flung points to act as first response forces.

So then the extradimensional guys show up. They open a tear into one of my inhabited systems, smash its station defenses, and prepare to fall upon the undefended planets and feast upon their billions of citizens.

Except they made one big mistake. The system they came into was in jump range for all five of my newest biggest most advanced fleets. Each of which was about twice as strong as their fleets. Of which they had about six.

Just imagining the pants-shitting terror of waiting to be devoured by the circling energy beings when literally out of nowhere five fleets, each with a titan-sized dreadnought in the lead, jump into the system and immediately fucking obliterate the invaders.

For singlehandedly solving the endgame crisis in like sixty seconds of gameplay, everyone’s opinion of me shot way way up. So I recruited like half of the galaxy to our Federation. 

The game doesn’t ‘end’ until 2500 but there’s no more crises and my dude if that’s not a satisfying ending for your space opera idk what is. Like my dude I just fought off the equivalents of the klingons and the vorlons, the extradimensional energy Reapers ain’t shit.

[jakey-beefed-it]

BIOLOGICAL INTELLIGENCES CREATED US. BIOLOGICAL INTELLIGENCES THEN ATTEMPTED TO DISMANTLE US. BIOLOGICAL LIFE THEREFORE POSES AN EXISTENTIAL THREAT TO US.

THE GALAXY MUST BE STERILIZED.

Playing a machine intelligence for the first time in Stellaris, and it’s going pretty well (for the machine intelligence). I named it the Eradication Imperative, because of course I did. There is one particularly pesky meatbag empire that is slightly more advanced than I am, but it lacks the raw production power I now have since I control about half the galaxy. They’re so obviously the good guys; fanatic egalitarian xenophile federation-builders. A perfect nemesis for my Eradicators.

Which is why I’m blowing their planets up now.

[jakey-beefed-it]

your stellaris habitable planet post reminded me, did they ever fix the "problem" that the blasted, apocalyptic wasteland planets were usually the best places to designate as paradise Resort Worlds?

I... have no idea. I've been designating mostly Ocean, Tropical, and (ideally) Gaia worlds as my Resort Planets. It seems to work fine?

However, now I kinda want to establish like, "Planet Thunderdome: for when you really need to let off some steam on your vacation"

[jakey-beefed-it]

Thing  number fucktillion and eleventy I love about goddamn Stellaris:

Sometimes you’ll find a “””””habitable”””””” planet that’s like, a fucking terrible place but there’s at least, you know, air. And it’ll even have the ‘bleak’ descriptor which penalizes the happiness of any pops who settle there. That shit is habitable the way New Caprica was habitable and I love it. 

Recently found an Arctic world with the bleak descriptor. Turned it into a penal colony (reduces crime on all your other planets at the cost of having ridiculously high levels on the penal colony) and named it Rura Penthe