#Jailhouse Blonde

[oakendesk]

painting - Jailhouse Blonde - men's magazine interior illustration - circa 1962

Al Rossi

[rjmartin11]

Faded Love

Pairing: Elvis & female!reader

Summary: After finding out about Elvis infidelity, you decide to have one final decision before you walk out the door for good.

Word Count: ???

Warnings: Infidelity, lies, crying, SMUT, cussing

Material is not suitable for people under 18 years of age. Viewer discretion is advised!

Author's Notes: I had a dream about this one. It was weird and amusing, too. This could have a happy ending if I write another chapter...

・ʚ♡ɞ・💙・ʚ♡ɞ・

You dated Elvis for three years, and you have been happily married for two years. There's nothing Elvis wouldn't do for you. He was your baby boy as you were his Satnin.

Life with Elvis wasn't perfect, but it was damn near close. You two shared everything together. He made love to you after knowing you for a week. He showed you things he had never ever shown anyone. You were head over heels in love with this lovely, blue-eyed man. He had your soul fly, and your heart sang.

When he proposed to you, your mouth was frozen. You almost forgot to say yes, but Elvis has a way of moving your tongue. The first week of marriage, you two were stuck in your room, never making it out. Room service delivered around the clock. Life was so sweet with Elvis by your side.

Elvis was the man of your dreams. Yet in the last month, you felt him drifting away from you.

Elvis would kiss you in the morning and whisper in your ear, "Good morning, my love." He would always hold your hand whether people were there or not. Now, it seemed he'd hold your hand for appearances sake. Lovemaking slowed down, and he stopped holding you in bed. It was all so random to you.

You feared the worst happened. He found another lover. Someone prettier, kinder, and more fun than you.

Someone who could give him the baby you couldn't. You tried. God knows how much you tried to give him that blue-eyed baby. He told you that he never worried about it. That the both of you could just spoil each other. He'd be your baby, and you'd be his mommy. Still, you wanted to give him more.

You saw him staring at a random beauty when you two were at the studio. You didn't pester or gripe. You simply just took his hand, getting his attention. He looked at you, and you leaned, placing your foreheads together. You whisper to him softly, "I love you the mostest, babe."

"Forever," Elvis says, kissing your lips gently.

This was your special thing with Elvis. It was your secret hand shake, password to love, and lover's coat of arms in one. At one time, it was your code for let's go upstairs and get naked. Now, it's an affirmation of love.

Tonight, Elvis had a one night only show in Memphis at the Orpheum. Elvis was on fire. He nearly brought the house down, and he looked astonishing in his black and green jumpsuit with the gold buttons. You screamed and cheered along with the crowd. You knew that Elvis was truly alive when he was on stage.

You danced to all the classics. That's Alright, Mama, Jailhouse Rock, Blue Suede Shoes, All Shock Up, and Hound Dog. The newer additions like Little Sister, and you swayed to sweet, slow songs like Love Me Tender.

Elvis started his joking segment and had the Memphis crowd laughing.

"He's incredible, don't you think?" The young woman beside you asks.

"Yes, very," you answered, your hands folded together over your heart.

"One of his guys asked me if I wanted to meet Elvis backstage, and I was like, "Who wouldn't?" She tells you. "I'm going to meet Elvis Presley."

You take a really good look at her. She's a blonde with beautiful blue eyes. Not as beautiful as Elvis's eyes, but beautiful nonetheless. She has to be about nineteen or twenty years old. Flawless skin and a nice figure. Her smile is pretty. Altogether, you understand how Elvis could be drawn to her charms. It's not her fault he requested her. Does she know who you are?

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be spreading this, but I'm here by myself. All my friends are on Beale Street, and I wanted to be here. God, I'm I lucky."

"Yes," you reply. "You are a very lucky girl."

"I'm Daphne," she says, extending her hand to you.

"It's nice to meet you, Daphne. I'm... Y/N," you say, trying to compose yourself.

"You are beautiful, Y/N. Have I seen you somewhere before? Like a magazine? Are you famous?" Daphne asks you.

"No. I'm no one special, but thank you for saying that. I needed that nudge of confidence."

A moment or so later, Jerry comes to take you backstage. Elvis was already in the middle of his final song, and you had to make a run for it. You politely say your goodbyes to Daphne, running away to get to Elvis.

As you run backstage, you formulate a plan to be the one in Elvis' arms tonight. He is your husband, after all, and there's not a sin that's has been committed against your marriage.

Confidence brims through you. You know what to say to Elvis. As you wait for him to get out of the shower, you catch up with the Sweet Inspirations. They have always been so... sweet and kind to you. They liven up the background of the show, giving it that lady's touch and soulful edge.

Five minutes later, Elvis emerges looking gorgeous in his all black jumpsuit. He was coming off of his high from the performance, and his cheeks are aglow. You can tell. He's absolutely breathtaking. You want him.

After shaking a few hands, Elvis makes his way to you. Excited, you jump into his arms to embrace him. You both laughed. You inhale his manly musk, allowing your senses to become aroused by him.

"My love, you were incredible tonight," you whisper in his ear.

"Thank you, baby," Elvis says, kissing your cheek.

He places you down on your feet, allowing you a moment to grasp his face in your hands to place a tender kiss on his soft lips. Elvis seems taken aback by this action, but he kisses you back. You take this as initiative to lean more into this kiss. You open your mouth to let him slip his tongue in your mouth. You taste each other, and Elvis pulls away slowly.

"What was that for?" Elvis asks, curiosity plaguing his mind.

"Do I need an excuse to love you?" You ask him.

"Not at all, Y/N," he says, combing a strand of hair behind your ear with his fingers.

He stares into your eyes for a moment.

"Darling, you seem tired? You ready to go home?" Elvis asks.

"If that's code for, let's go home and have fun. Yes, take me home, baby."

"I'll walk you to the car," Elvis says, taking your arm and escorting you to the black stretch limo.

He walks you to the private alley where the getaway limos are located for fewer fans to come swallow the car.

A few members of the Memphis Mafia are around for protection purposes. Elvis opens the door for you to get in.

"Wait," you say. "You aren't coming home with me?"

"No, I'll be home soon. I got some business to take care of first at the studio, then I'll be there."

How could he lie to you to you so effortlessly? You won't call him out on it, though. He hasn't done anything yet.

"Elvis. I want you. It's been a month since we've been physically intimate. I miss that part of us. Why are you pushing away?" You question.

"I'm not pushing you away. I'm... I'm just busy with work and this latest record. The Colonel's on my ass. I'm tired..."

"Are you tired of me?"

"Baby, never. Why would you think..."

"I want you to come home with me. Now. Please, Elvis," you beg.

"I told you I can't."

"The last month feels like you have been pushing me away. It's like you don't love me anymore."

"That's not true, Y/N," Elvis says, trying to convince you.

"Then come home with me. I'll give you that baby I promised."

"I'll be home before midnight, baby."

"Elvis, if you don't come home with me, something's going to happen," you say quietly.

"Jerry will be there with you. Nothing's gonna happen."

Elvis gives you a kiss on the forehead. Desperate, you grab his face and kiss him one more time.

"I love you the mostest, babe," you whisper.

"I know, darling. I know," he whispers back. "I'll see you when I get home."

He kisses you once more and walks back inside. You're left there wondering what you've done wrong. A second later, you get into the back of the limo, with Jerry sliding in behind.

"Jerry, can you please ride in the other car?" You ask. "I need to be alone for a little while."

"Y/N, I don't think..."

"Please!" You shout.

"Yes, ma'am," he says, opening the car door, exiting the vehicle.

Once the door is shut and you're alone, you begin to cry. Your heart shatters into a million pieces. For the man who was promised to be yours rather be with another woman.

The car starts to pull off, making its way to Graceland. You cry the entire ride home. You don't know what to do. You're speechless.

The car stops at the front door, and you start to pat the tears away from cheeks. The car door opens, and you get out heading to the house.

Once inside, you head straight to the kitchen for a bottle of wine and a glass. You're pouring your sorrows in this bottle tonight.

"Y/N, are you okay?" Jerry asks.

"Just fine," you answer.

You move past Jerry, heading upstairs. Your mind wonders, and you have the most evil thought come to your mind.

"Jerry?" you say.

"Yes, Y/N?"

You look at his face. You look into his eyes. For the very first time, you realize Jerry has hazel eyes. He's always been attractive. He's not Elvis, though. That's a betrayal you can't even fathom. You breathy laugh at the thought of taking out your sexual frustrations out on Jerry.

"Y/N..."

"Thank you, Jerry," you interrupt him. "Thank you for being so kind. I'll never ever forget that. Take the night off and go home."

You make your way upstairs and pour yourself a drink as you sit on the bed. The tears begin to form in your eyes as you contemplate your next move. You don't bother taking off your dress.

You think about his lips and all the sweet things he used to say to you. Is he saying those same loving terms to her? These thoughts plague your mind as you glance at the clock.

12:35am...

No Elvis.

You refuse to sleep until you give him a piece of your mind.

As dawn approaches, you lift the wine bottle in your hand to see if there's any left. There's just enough to fill the glass that sits on your bedside table. You don't bother pouring it. You just put it back down on the floor by your feet.

As you look up, Elvis walks through the door. He sees you sitting there with the bottle at your feet. You look over at the clock and see that it's 6:05am. Six hours later than Elvis told you he'd be home. You look back at him.

"Baby, what are you doing up so early?" Elvis questions you.

"Did you have fun last night?" You ask. There's no time beating around the bush.

"What?" Elvis comes in the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Did you have fun last night? With her?" You restate.

"Baby, you've been drinkin'."

"Yet my mind is completely clear. Answer me. Did you have fun with her last night?!" You raise your voice.

Elvis doesn't take this lightly. He demands respect and doesn't appreciate being spoken down to. You don't know where you find the courage to speak to him like this, but you do.

"Watch your tone speaking to me like that, Y/N. I give you ever gawd damn thing you could want..."

"Except for your respect," you cut him off.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. There was no her," Elvis explains.

"Her name is Daphne. She's a petite blonde with blue eyes, and she loves a good time," you tell him.

Elvis freezes in place. How could you know what her name was or what she looked like? Did someone say something to her?

"How... did you know?" Elvis asks quietly. "Y/N, I'm..."

"I just want to know one thing, Elvis."

You stand up from your position on the bed and slowly walk over to him. Your blood boils as the tears wail in your eyes again. Elvis doesn't know what to expect from you, but he's prepared to be scolded.

"Was she good?" You ask.

"What?"

"Was she good in bed? Was she fun? Did you tell her all your secrets? Did you tell her about your spot right behind your neck? How you like it kissed? Licked?" The tears pour down your face as you approach him, kissing his lips.

Elvis, out of breath, folds to your advances. It used to be so easy for you and him. A simple look. The brush of your hand. The sparkle of your eye. The sound of your voice would drive to nuts about you. Now you have to cry to get his attention.

You unbutton his shirt and slide your hands down his hairy chest. You smell her all over him, which adds fuel to the fire within you.

"Does she know how you like you dick massaged?" You ask him as you undo his chucky belt from around his waist.

You drop the belt to the floor. You kiss his lips as you undo his pants, sliding them down his slender hips. As his cock springs forward, you get down on your knees in front of him.

"Did she kiss it like this?"

You ask kissing the head of his cock. You lick it the tip of him as he drips with precum, and he shivers. You slowly take him in your mouth, measure by measure. You moan and suck him off just the way he likes. Elvis holds the back of your head as you drive him deeper into his mouth. You pop him out of your mouth, then tend to his balls, licking and swirling them with your tongue.

Elvis is beside himself with lust. He recalls all the times you two made love. No one he's been with has ever made him feel this good or this pleased. You knew his body like no other.

After Elvis comes, you look at his face as he goes slackjawed. You know how to make him weak in the knees to get whatever you wanted from him sexually.

You stand up and push him on the bed. You take his pants off his legs and slide your dress off your shoulders, leaving you bare before him.

You climb on top of him, pumping his cock softly until he's good and hard.

"Does she know you like to be called Daddy?"

"No," Elvis sighed, catching his breath.

"You tell her about our baby talk, Daddy? Needs you, baby girl does. Miss you much, daddy waddy," you whisper to him as you lower yourself on top of him.

Unable to answer, Elvis shakes his head.

"Daddy in need of baby girl. Daddy need her," Elvis whimpers.

You slowly rise in fall on his hardened dick. You roll your hips so his tip touches the part inside of you that only he knows. You inhale sharply when he touches it just right that it drenches you completely. Excited, you start to push yourself off and on his penis.

You lean forward, looking Elvis in his eyes. You always get lost within his eyes. This was the way you glazed into the very soul of this incredible human being. This is when he showed you the real him. There was so much love within him give.

Elvis grasped your hips, forcing himself inside you deeper. He has felt this good in a long time. You knew him so well. You knew how to make feel alive when he was off stage, yet you knew how to bring him peace.

"Her wet for Daddy?" He asks.

"Daddy, waddy ever had it this wet?" You ask.

"No, baby. No," he answered. "Daddy cumming fast."

You speed up your rhythm a bit, chasing the orgasm within you both.

"Oh, Elvis, Daddy," you moan.

And like a count down. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two...

You fall over the edge of pleasure into the space of oblivion.

"Holy fucking shit, Y/N!" Elvis shouts, releasing his seed all over your walls as they pulse around his dick.

One.

Elvis holds you close as you both catch your breath. He kisses your lips, taking all you give him. You sit up on his chest.

"Was Daphne that good, daddy?" You ask him.

"No, baby girl. No where close. She doesn't compare to you," he says.

"If that's true... why would you even fuck someone that's not better than me?" You say.

Elvis is left speechless yet again by you this morning. You climb off of him and head to the bathroom, slamming the door behind you.

"Y/N, baby," Elvis calls out to you, but you ignore him.

You clean yourself off and wash your face. You dress yourself in your jeans and an old tee shirt.

"Y/N, c-can we talk?" Elvis asks from the other side of the door.

You open the door and look at him.

"What about?" You ask. "There's nothing left to say. I begged you to come home with me last night, and you refused me. You lied and went to be with that girl."

"I'm... I'm..."

"I'm done, Elvis."

"Done? Done with what? Where are you going?" Elvis asks.

"I'm leaving you! You've broken my heart. You promised me you'd never do that. I'm gone!"

"Y/N, baby. Please don't go," Elvis begs you.

You push past Elvis, leaving him standing there completely naked. You run down the stairs and out the front door. You hear him yelling for you to stay, but ignore him. You run to the front gate, asking Uncle Vester to open it. You run down the sidewalk and stick out your thumb to flag some down.

An old truck driver in a navy blue pickup stops and picks you up. You ask him to take you to Union Street near Beale. He kindly helps you to your destination.

Taglist: @missmaywemeetagain @beeandheroddobsessions @headfullofpresley @everythingpresley @epforeverohyes @vintagepresley @pianginferno @powerofelvis @ab4eva @foreverdolly @searchingforgravity @thatbanditqueen @daffieapple @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @epsgirl @richardslady121 @literally-just-elvis-fics @eptodaytommorwforever @vintageshanny @iloveelvis @dreamingofep @aliypop

[aemiron-main]

Elvis Cloned By Aliens: Was Anyone Gonna Tell Me That Elvis Had A Twin? ft. Kissing Cousins and TFS (And Henward Are So Absolutely Real)

So, Elvis had a twin brother- a stillborn twin brother.

Which is particularly interesting to me because of all of the twin imagery with Henward and all of the stillborn references in ST- specifically, Hopper’s dialogue about stillborns when he’s in prison:

Smthn smthn Henward’s line RE: Brenner about “he TRIED” to recreate me, smthn smthn “tried,” implies that there were failures… stillborns, maybe. Failed clones. Failed twins.

And also, that Hopper dialogue is EXTRA interesting to me because that whole Hopper scene is a total parallel to Victor’s prison scene:

Hell, in ST, when Nancy and Robin are reading the newspapers about the Creel murders, there’s a whole article that pops up in the Weekly Watcher about Elvis being cloned by aliens, and “Jailhouse Rock,” plays in TFS- point is, mentions of Elvis in ST are tied to the Creels, and so are references to stillborns, which makes the fact that Elvis had a stillborn twin brother particularly interesting re: Henward (Henward were you supposed to be twin brothers in each timeline but one of you was a stillborn in diff timelines/Edward being the stillborn in Henry’s timeline and vice versa??)

But now, setting aside Elvis’ actual twin, let’s take a look at an example of fake double Elvises, from one of Elvis’ movies:

Which, this picture has me staring DIRECTLY at how young Henry, (and later, adult Henry), are both definitely BLONDE in the show:

Versus the TFS flashback scenes to 7 year old Henry with BLACK hair:

It’s JUST like that Elvis screenshot- they’re identical, except for the hair colours.

And you might be thinking “oh, well Em, that’s a stretch, just because ST mentions ‘Elvis cloned by aliens,’and TFS has Jailhouse Rock playing during it doesn’t mean that this specific Elvis movie is being intentionally referenced re: Henward & the different hair colours are probably for another reason or something.”

To which I say: the name of that Elvis movie with the blonde vs black haired Elvis is “Kissing Cousins”- yknow, like Walter Henderson in TFS, who has a whole scene about how he was kissing his cousin:

That’s a TOTAL nod to the Elvis “Kissing Cousins” movie. Is it not just a LITTLE suspicious that they have a whole scene in TFS about “kissing cousins,” PLUS having a black haired young Henry vs a blonde young Henry, who are otherwise basically identical, JUST like the two Elvises from Kissing Cousins???

The footage I have isnt great, so 7 year old TFS Henry’s face gets a little warped because of the angle of the screen + also if 7 year old Henry’s hair looks slightly lighter in that pic, it’s just because there were these sudden bright spots when they did a flash of light as an old film effect, so rest assured, his hair is BLACK/VERY dark brown/ in-show Henry’s blonde hair in dark lighting still doesnt get nearly as dark as 7 year old Henry’s hair in very bright light.

Also, they look slightly different because in-show Henry is 12 vs 7 year old TFS henry, but they’re still damn near identical face-wise/would be identical except for the hair colours if they were shown at the the same age.

Hell, massacre Henward’s weird Brenner-esque hair is even styled like the blonde Elvis from Kissing Cousins:

And it gets even better. In “Kissing Cousins,” Elvis’ blonde, identical cousin is described as a “hillbilly”- the EXACT same thing that Brenner calls Henry during TFS:

There is SOMETHING HERE. HENWARD IS SO REAL, EDWARD IS SO REAL!!!

And there’s also something about the two Elvises in the movie being third cousins/the whole “kissing cousins” thing vs the dead Great Uncle that Virginia mentions in the show & the whole “Uncle Sam” vs Sam Owens thing in ST & how TFS Victor looks and acts suspiciously like Owens.. I’m not sure how it all connects, but there’s SOMETHING here!!

[jacksprostate]

Idk if this has been asked before but how do you imagine fem angelface looking like? Would she look the same as her male counterpart or a little different?

Fem angelface is interesting to me for a specific reason I find difficult to outline in words haha. I think angelface would serve as a good distinction between like... things that are demonized/devalued because they're associated with women, and things that are associated with women because they're devaluing/humiliating. Blond tall and thin. Clear skin. Sort of a natural 90s model-adjacent body. All of that, but as of joining fight club, doesn't do shit wrt enacting gender roles, fucking lives under a bridge probably. Tyler's perfect little working example. The narrator (like many women) has a deep revulsion towards the latter but a complex relationship with the first. Add in immense jealousy wrt Tyler's attention and she's toxic as shit, yk. But it's also jealousy. Angelface actually follows through in her life with just not engaging with all the horseshit expected of her, even though (from the narrator's pov) she has so much to gain if she did. Compared to the narrator, who feels like she's barely hanging on to little jailhouse privileges she's barely qualified for. That she doesn't even want on principle due to this, but is terrified of losing regardless. But angelface has the gumption for her goals, to not do so anyway. The narrator is jealous of her doing that. Jealous she can do that. Of course Tyler's into that, is the dark thought in the narrator's mind. Who wouldn't be. Similar to male angelface being slightly taboo (pretty guy) female angelface is... well, moreso. I'm having trouble phrasing my thoughts.... I feel what I've said so far doesn't quite get across the core issue I'm thinking about, unfortunately.

[alienelvisobsession]

The Besties Awards - Elvis Movies

These are the results of the The Besties Awards - Elvis Movies, a poll that we created in our Elvis Discord. I shared the link in a previous post, so some tumblr members have voted as well! The results are surprising! Here’s a link with the details if you want to know the nominations and the percentages each one got. FUCK MARRY KILL

Fuck - Vince Everett (Jailhouse Rock)

RUNNER-UP: Dr. Sideburns (Change of Habit)

Marry - Toby Kwimper (Follow that Dream)

RUNNER-UP: Dr. Sideburns (Change of Habit)

Kill - Jodie Tatum (Kissin’ Cousins)

RUNNER-UP: Josh Morgan (Kissin’ Cousins)

FAVORITE MOVIE

Follow that Dream

RUNNERS-UP: King Creole and Jailhouse Rock (tie)

FAVORITE SCENE

“It ain’t tactics honey, that’s just the beast in me” (Jailhouse Rock)

RUNNER-UP: Toby’s association test (Follow that Dream)

FAVORITE ELVIS CHARACTER

Toby (Follow that Dream)

RUNNERS-UP: Deke Rivers (Loving You), Danny Fisher (King Creole) and Vince Everett (Jailhouse Rock) (tie)

BEST ACTING

King Creole

RUNNER-UP: Wild in the Country

BEST CO-STAR

Ann-Margret as Rusty (Viva Las Vegas)

RUNNER-UP: Carolyn Jones aka Morticia as Ronnie (King Creole)

BEST “GOOFIE ELVIS” MOMENT

Tulsa babysitting Tiger (GI Blues)

RUNNER-UP: Chad with Maile in the car (Blue Hawaii)

BEST KISS

Elvis and therapist (Wild in the Country)

RUNNER-UP: “I’m coming all unglued” kiss on the couch (Jailhouse Rock)

BEST CHEMISTRY

Ann-Margret (Viva Las Vegas)

RUNNER-UP: Vicky Tiu (It Happened at the World’s Fair)

BEST MEME

“Weirdos, man. Weirdos” (Change of Habit)

RUNNER-UP: Gomez Addams reaction meme (Frankie and Johnny)

BEST WFT SCENE

“Little Elvis” gets excited (Girls! Girls! Girls!)

RUNNER-UP: The Dogman (Live a Little, Love a Little)

BEST OUTFIT

Badass look with leather jacket (Roustabout)

RUNNER-UP: white “silky gangster” suit (The Trouble with Girls)

WORST OUTFIT

Yellow sweater (Frankie and Johnny)

RUNNER-UP: Baseball stitch suit (Clambake)

BEST BEACHWEAR

Denim shorts and open shirt (Follow that Dream)

RUNNER-UP: White swim trunks and polo shirts (Blue Hawaii)

HORNIEST MOVIE

Live a Little, Love a Little

RUNNER-UP: Viva Las Vegas

BEST HAIR

Vince’s Hair (Jailhouse Rock)

RUNNER-UP: Danny’s floppy hair (King Creole)

WORST HAIR

Blonde wig (Kissin’ Cousins)

RUNNER-UP: Spock haircut (Change of Habit)

HOTTEST SCENE

“The Walls Have Bon… Ears” (Girls! Girls! Girls!)

RUNNER-UP: Greg takes a shower (Live a Little, Love a Little)

HOTTEST COWBOY

Pacer (Flaming Star)

RUNNER-UP: Jesse (Charro)

BEST MUSICAL NUMBER

Jailhouse Rock (Jailhouse Rock)

RUNNER-UP: Bossa Nova Baby (Fun in Acapulco)

BEST MOVIE SONG

Trouble (King Creole) and Jailhouse Rock (tie)

RUNNER-UP: Edge of Reality (Live a Little, Love a Little)

BEST FIGHT

Toby takes down gangsters (Follow That Dream)

RUNNER-UP: Deke Rivers “Hey, sideburns” fight (Loving You)

[submission4]

Old West

Outlaw Pete Douglas didn’t necessarily think he would always get away with it, but the last thing he expected was for his rustling and bank robbing career to catch up with him at the hands of Lazy Q ranch owner Kate Forde. “Ever since this poster arrived, I figured the hombre on it was most likely you, Pete,” his blonde haired boss told him with a sigh, indicating the Wanted poster on her office wall as she tied the despondent-looking former outlaw’s hands together. “Maybe I might have let it go because you are a good ranch hand, son,” Kate told him with a touch of regret in her voice, “but I just couldn’t on account of being elected town sheriff last week!”

‘A lady sheriff?’ thought poor Pete later as Kate tied his legs onto the stirrups of his horse ready for the ride to the Little Cactus jailhouse. ‘What’s the world coming to? Perhaps it’s true what they say, the Old West really is over…’

“Giddap!” called out Kate, and the woman sheriff and her outlaw prisoner left the Lazy Q in a cloud of dust.

AI image generated by Microsoft Bing

[pulpman2]

Rainmaker

Annie reaches the top of the mountain as the balloon passes over and Waldo is in range of a shot. The confidence trickster leans out over the edge of the balloon’s basket, peering at the girl galloping along the trail beneath him. ‘Now what is that young filly up to?’ the false rainmaker wonders. ‘Does she really think she can catch me from down there?’ Annie reins in Target, pulls her rifle free of her saddle holster and takes careful aim at the balloon. BLAM! she pulls the trigger and the bullet flies, heading directly towards the soft helium filled material of Waldo’s airborne transport. The bullet tears into the fabric. Waldo hears a whoosh of air and feels a jolt. “What?” he cries as Annie’s repeater sends another two shots into the stricken balloon. It deflates rapidly and Waldo finds himself hurled helplessly from one side of the basket to the other as the collapsing craft begins to descend slowly but surely to the ground.

Waldo the Rainmaker falls to earth with a thud. The basket hits the rough ground of the trail and the burly conman is tipped out of the basket in an undignified heap, dust covering his expensive duds. He looks up wearily to see Annie Oakley astride Target trotting into view. While Waldo rubs his head, Annie dismounts, keeps him covered with her rifle with one hand while with her other she hooks out the proceeds from the bank robbery from inside the basket. “Quite a plan you had going, Waldo,” the young woman smiles as she slings the trail bag of loot across her saddle, “you almost got away with it.” Waldo stares up at Annie miserably as she reholsters the scarcely needed rifle and pulls her lariat free from the saddle hook. “Stand up, Waldo,” she orders the man, “I’m going to tie you up now. You ain’t going to give me no trouble now, are you?” The conman sighs and gets to his feet. “Have no fear of that, young lady.” he replies, a resigned expression on his face. Annie nods. “Put your hands behind your back for me, sir.” she tells him.

And so it is that a very crestfallen Waldo, sitting uncomfortably astride Annie’s horse, hands bound together behind him, is led back into Diablo by the blonde haired sharpshooter. “Good work, Annie,” calls out Lofty as Annie strolls into town with her prisoner. “The other birds confessed.” Tagg looks up at the gathering clouds. “I think it’s going to rain!” he exclaims excitedly. “Well I’ll be blamed!” laughs Lofty. “What in tarnation do you make of that, Annie?” The girl helps Waldo down off her horse and begins to walk him towards the sheriff’s office as the first raindrops begin to fall. “I think Waldo will be the most surprised prisoner in your jailhouse, Lofty.” she replies.

My interpretation of the story behind this cover to The Fearful Journey by Duncan McDonald, Ranch Romances magazine, Volume 196 #4 (March 1956). Dialogue and narrative borrowed from Annie Oakley and Tagg #16, The Robber Balloon

[star-shard]

Elvis Movie Breakdown

in my current opinion, to each their own!

Great stuff (crowd pleasers): Love Me Tender (#1 LMT fan here, even if it wasn't Elvis's favorite movie to work on, its my fav to watch, its one of the few movies he's openly emotional in and fuck it, I think he's a good actor in this, eat my shorts) King Creole (Casablanca director. Melodramatic sometimes but the soundtrack slaps like all fuck and Elvis is charming as Danny, good shit, watch it) Flaming Star (Nuanced 'for it's time', good Elvis performance, SPOILER on secondary watches I stop at the point in which Pacer is radicalized in which I can imagine everything went great after that) It Happened at the World's Fair (Adorable movie alert, Elvis's character is an asshole around romantic prospects but good with kids, so close to real life. Cool as shit shots of the irl World's Fair at the time) Viva Las Vegas (I shan't stand for Viva slander, I ship the fuck out of Ann Margret and Elvis I don't give a fuck if Bye Bye Birdie was shit, just skip the last ten minutes of this flick) Change of Habit (Pretty nuanced, Elvis is a hot doctor. There's a 1969 understanding of what Autism is, keep that in mind if you want to watch)

Fan Favorites! (for the girlies): Loving You (The original music movie biopic, the fight scene in the restaurant slaps cunt severely) Jailhouse Rock (Loving You but what if the protagonist was a lovable asshole, title song dance sequence goes off) G.I. Blues (Adorable as fuck, the definition of fluff, get ready to be seduced by a puppet show) Wild in the Country (It feels like a play. You know? That vibe? Elvis is good in it) Follow That Dream (HIMBO ALERT, not bad, mildly libertarian?) Kissin' Cousins (Ok ok, listen, I know, the title, it's a lot, look Elvis plays two characters and one wears a blond wig wait where are you going wait don't call the police WAIT) Girl Happy (Cute as fuck comedy, actually made me lol, Elvis wears a dress for one scene blink and you'll miss it) Tickle Me (Cute as fuck comedy, haunted house climax) Live a Little, Love a Little (gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. Two maniacs fall in love)

Drunk Watch (is it good? No, is it entertaining? Maybe): Blue Hawaii (Elvis spanking a suicidal teenager is the highlight of the movie, if u don't like ballads i got bad news for you) Kid Galahad (something something inn keeper type dude has debts zzzzz, fuck me Elvis is wearing a wife beater) Girls! Girls! Girls! (Man loves boat, boat is love, boat is life) Harum Scarum (Racist, offensive, intoxication is a must) Frankie and Johnny (CAMP, pure camp, Elvis gets shot and it's fabulous) Paradise, Hawaiian Style (Love hexagon, he flies a helicopter with a bunch of dogs, gets stranded on an island? It's better than Blue Hawaii, fight me) Double Trouble (A murder plot in an Elvis movie?? Three bumbling detectives take up a majority of the third act, is it funny? No.) Clambake (Elvis wears a suit that looks like a baseball. Races a boat. I forgot about this movie yet it will always haunt me) The Trouble with Girls (So close to being a good-ish. I can't remember the plot. VINCENT PRICE makes a cameo)

See it once for the sake of the marathon (Struggle to keep yourself awake during these beauties): Fun in Acapulco (The child actor made me black out. Elvis is a former circus performer or something) Roustabout (He's hot in a leather jacket, thats about it) Spinout (I always confuse this for Speedway) Easy Come, Easy Go (The worst one. It's not offensive, it's not shocking. It's three episodes of a TV show from the 60s that no one watched) Stay Away, Joe (Imo, just as offensive than Harum Scarum, surreal comedy, funny? No.) Speedway (I always confuse this for Spinout) Charro! (A good movie, compelling, and boring as fuck, Elvis is hot)

[stat1cstarz]

Rock with you -1956🥤˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ 🎀

Y/N works as a waitress in the local drugstore of Hawkins, aside from her huge skirts,kitten heels,and dark stockings, her main thing is her milkshakes and old fashion radio that sits in the corner of the drugstore. While she was serving the regular greasers their burgers and beers, some new faces walked in…

Warnings:Sexism,swearing,alcoholism,just the 50s in general

Fem pronouns/insults used

Genre:fluff

It was an average Tuesday, I was stuck listening to Jailhouse rock while Carla and her husband were talking about family over some strawberry milkshakes, I was sort of rapped up in my own thoughts tho, sure I was working. But I was focused on what living like a rockstar would be like,while staring at the CD case,holding every song they played. Quickly I stopped day dreaming,when some drunk guy with his friends slammed their fists on my table, disturbing the kids shoving candy down their throats and the distressed mothers arguing with themselves about the milkshake(probably to not gain weight) all the while yelling “Ricky, tell this broad to give us our damn beers” One said, he had his blonde hair slick backed, and some cheap polo with suspenders and some leather pants. The guy who I presumed was Ricky added by saying “Make yourself useful and make us some beers, and if you charge us for our attitude you’re screwed” Ricky sneered “Fine,sit down” I said, walking to the beer kegs and filling 5 glasses of beers, and setting them on the bars. Soon the bell rang again, I looked up and saw a group of menC, I recognized this guy named Eddie, he was wearing a white bell bottom suit, with pearls on the shoulder and some white heeled shoes. I was pretty new here so I never saw him come in, all though I heard he was quite a celebrity here. He was humming some sort of song, and quickly rushed to me, pulling up a barstool close to me “Hey sweets, mind getting me a chocolate shake, I’m really..thirsty” he said, putting his cigarette in the ash tray nearest to him “Of course-you want whipped cream” I asked “You new here?” He joked “Yeah actually” I replied “Makes sense, and yes, with a cherry and sprinkles” he said, slamming a dollar bill on the counter “Of course” I said, putting the dollar in the cash register “Not very manly, bud” one of the drunk men said “Watch your mouth bud, did mommy not teach you about politeness?” He sneered back at them. The guy looked away either in embarrassment in disgust, I brought him his shake and sat it in-front of him on a coaster with a red and pink straw, walking away, hoping to get his name from a worker….

[mondoradiowmse]

07/24/24 Mondo Radio Playlist

Here's the playlist for this week's edition of Mondo Radio, which you can download or stream here. This episode: "Without a Trace", featuring classic no wave and more. If you enjoy it, be sure to also follow the show on Facebook and Twitter!

Artist - Song - Album

Contortions - I Can't Stand Myself - No New York

Teenage Jesus And The Jerks - The Closet - No New York

DNA - Blonde Red Head - A Taste Of DNA

DNA - New New - A Taste Of DNA

Theoretical Girls - Parlez-Vous Francais - Theoretical Girls

Theoretical Girls - Electronic Angie (Short Version) - Theoretical Girls

Mars - 11,000 Volts - The Complete Studio Recordings NYC 1977-1978

Mars - Helen Forsdale - The Complete Studio Recordings NYC 1977-1978

Y Pants - Beautiful Food - Y Pants

Y Pants - Off The Hook - Y Pants

Judy Nylon And Crucial - Jailhouse Rock - Pal Judy

Judy Nylon And Crucial - The Dice - Pal Judy

ESG - UFO - Dance To The Best Of ESG

The Raybeats - Tone Zone - Guitar Beat

Bush Tetras - Too Many Creeps - Boom In The Night: Original Studio Recordings 1980-1983

Dept. Of Sunshine - Space Tropics (Rapp-Sody) (Instrumental) - Rude Boys (Single)

James White And The Blacks - White Savages - Off White

James Chance & The Contortions - Disposable You (Live) - Soul Exorcism Redux

Material - Silent Land - Memory Serves

Laurie Anderson - Sweaters - Big Science

Brian Eno + David Byrne - Two Against Three - My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts

Arthur Russell - Wax The Van - World Of Echo

Liquid Liquid - Optimo - Def Jam Recordings 30

Suicide - Rocket USA - Suicide

The Del-Byzanteens With Jim Jarmusch - My Hands Are Yellow (From The Job That I Do) - New York Noise, Vol. 2: Music From The New York Underground 1977-1984

Peter Zummo - Instruments IV: Sevenths - Zummo With An X

Elliott Sharp - Klops Lied (Meatball Song) - Lost In The Stars: The Music Of Kurt Weill

Rhys Chatham - Drastic Classicism - New York Noise, Vol. 2: Music From The New York Underground 1977-1984

The Golden Palominos - Cookout - The Golden Palominos

Kronos Quartet - Bella By Barlight - Winter Was Hard

The Golden Palominos - Hot Seat - The Golden Palominos

Swans - Stay Here - Filth

Swans - Weakling - Filth

Band Of Susans - Hope Against Hope - The Peel Sessions

Rowland S. Howard/Lydia Lunch - Cisco Sunset - Shotgun Wedding

Sonic Youth - Expressway To Yr Skull (Live) - Smart Bar - Chicago 1985

[tinas-world]

love me (chapter 7)

i remember one time I tied a bandana to a tree. that tree held a barbed wire and at the other end was another tree. then something happened that stayed in my memory forever - a vague, hazy, steamy memory. that's when I knew I was a woman. it happens to women. some say: it is done to women. my father called it the window of perception. my mother called it bird man. the bandana was red and white. there were horses on a beautiful meadow. the sun was gentle and big, without a red tail. I was wearing a little cowboy hat and my mom was knitting my buns. I had short blonde braids. there were still stories about horse thieves and the gold rush. more and more people were playing guitars and talking about the Mississippi Delta. books say that rock and roll started with elvis, but elvis was not a popular singer. he was a one of a kind dancer - a jailhouse dancer.

[paulisded]

The Ledge #579: New Releases

I bet all of you Ledge listeners know the drill. The first show of the month is always new releases, and that's the case here. But there is a little difference in this week's show. Normally, I don't touch on reissued records. That's for another theme. But obviously I can't ignore the news that in September The Replacements are putting out a box set version of the classic album, Tim. Besides the usual outtakes and live material, there is a special remix of the entire album by the legendary Ed Stasium! If you're not familiar with Stasium, he has produced dozens and dozens of classic albums over the years, including records by The Ramones, Talking Heads, Soul Asylum, Long Ryders, Hoodoo Gurus, Reverend Horton Heat, Motorhead, and so many more! Given that the only negative feature of Tim was the mix, letting Stasium do a fix is going to blow people's minds!

Yet that's not my only reissue this week, as fellow Real Punk Radio host Greg Lonesome has just put out a newly remastered version of Shotgun Full of Blues, a record he released 20 years ago as the leader of the Lonesome Kings. There's a ton of bonus tracks included with this amazing record, including demos and special mixes. But it, my friends!

As for this week's edition of "52 Weeks of Teenage Kicks", I actually have a new version. Veteran pyschobilly band Griswalds just released a half studio/half live record, Are Growing Old Disgracefully, and one of the live tracks is indeed a cover of the Undertones classic. And like always, I must again plead with y'all for more versions of "Teenage Kicks". If you are a musician, or have any contact with artists that could record their own take on the classic, please contact me!

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE SHOW!

1. Griswalds - Teenage Kicks

2. The Replacements - Left Of The Dial

3. Chris Mars - Recreating Chaos

4. Wilco - Evicted

5. Graham Parker & The Goldtops - Sun Valley

6. Lydia Loveless - Runaway

7. The Whiffs - Satellite

8. The Whiffs - As I Am

9. The Pretty Flowers - Another Way To Lose

10. The Summertimes - Password

11. Th Da Freak - Young Bro

12. The Make Three - Local Scene

13. The Far Outs - Keep Away

14. The Vanrays - Shake My Hand

15. Kid Gulliver - Nothing But Trouble

16. Private Lives - Hit Record

17. Bush Tetras - 2020 Vision

18. Floodlights - On The Television

19. The Midnight Callers - Come Dancing

20. Classic Pat - Crying, Waiting, Hoping

21. Dolph Chaney - Mr. Eli

22. Guided By Voices - Romeo Surgeon

23. The Lemon Drop Gang - I'm Done!

24. The Lemon Drop Gang - Johnny Is A Jerk

25. Stop Calling Me Frank - Ollie Oxen

26. Cruzados - Johnny Pay To Play

27. JJ & The Real Jerks - Ten Cent Beer Night

28. Lonesome Kings  - Jailhouse Tattoo (Tombstone Mix)

29. Not - If Only

30. Norcos Y Horchata - I Gave Up Drinking for Good (Now I'm Drinking for Evil)

31. Smitt E. Smitty & The Feztones - The Growler

32. The Courettes - Bikini Girls With Machine Guns

33. The Hillbilly Moon Explosion - Primitive

34. Linda Gail Lewis / Danny B. Harvey / Clem Burke - The Way I Walk

35. The Fuzztones - Can Your Pussy Do The Dog?

36. The Ape-Ettes - Trampoline

37. Taxi Girls - Stay With Me

38. Vicious Blonde - BIG C

39. The Tripwires - Kicking Around in New Shoes

[demigodforfend]

Twilight of the Demigods: Forfend Edition - Session 17

Forfend trailed behind Melzaryn, feeling a bit uneasy about leaving Kagoshi to sit alone in the jailhouse.

"Don't worry," Kairi nudged it. "Last time he went to jail, I waited three days to bail him out! He's used to it." She giggled.

Forfend tilted its head at her. She and Kagoshi had a very strange friendship.

"They'll have to process him and get all the paperwork done first too," Melzaryn called back, wearing his usual inscrutable smile again already. "He's probably not up for bail yet. Depending on how much they figure out, he might not even get bail."

Forfend started to ask for clarification, but Melzaryn stopped dead and spread his arms. "This is the place."

Forfend glanced around.

It noticed the slats in the ground around the shop first. It had been curious to see where the interlocking steel plates had come from.

There honestly wasn't much of a tell. The slats didn't look like they housed a protective metal covering large enough to engulf a building. Perhaps it was magic more than mechanics.

Melzaryn passed a hand right in front of Forfend's face. "You still here?"

Forfend nodded and looked up.

Moli's Marvelous Mementos was a striking shop. The walls were off-white terracotta, making them stand out starkly in the gray cobblestone plaza. Varnished wood accents gleamed so brightly one could almost see their reflection. The silverly interlocking "M" symbol adorned the door.

Frosted windows obscured the view of the inside. Except, Forfend noticed that if it leaned forward with the intent to look inside, the frosting shimmered and cleared enough to let it peer into the colorful shop.

An advertisement awaited by one window. A standee of an elven woman with frazzled blond hair and cracked goggles wore an excited grin as she offered up a handful of ink vials.

The text read "Newly released: Molixeen's Magical Tattoos!"

Forfend studied the image. From the way Melzaryn and the pseudodragon had talked about her, it has guessed she was their sister. Now it was certain. She had the same platinum hair and high cheek bones Melzaryn sported.

Melzaryn strode purposefully into the shop. The door opened before he touched it and a tingling bell rang despite the fact there wasn't one hooked above the door.

Kairi trotted in right on his heels.

Forfend ducked in after them to avoid being left behind.

Just as it had opened, the door also shut of its own volition.

Forfend stuttered to a stop as it took in the shop's interior.

The building looked, maybe actually was, larger inside than it was outside. Not only that, but it extended downward several stories.

Forfend haltingly approached the edge of the platform they stood upon.

At least three more stories worth of product sprawled dizzyingly below.

A suit of display armor frozen in a power pose suddenly jolted to life and juddered to face the group. "Hello, new visitors! Welcome to Moli's Marvelous Mementos!" It gave one jerky wave and returned to its pose.

Forfend edged closer to a chuckling Melzaryn. It watched the stationary armor with some suspicion.

A tiny clockwork construct chugged past, swept up the dust the group's feet had left at the door, and promptly wheeled away.

Forfend suddenly spotted dozens more of them roaming around. Some dusted. Some swept. Some wiped up a strange gurgling blue spill. Some even seemed to be reorganizing stock.

Sitting along the railings and flitting about the glass chandeliers were softly chirping clockwork birds. Their collective song was a beautiful trill despite the mechanical undertone. It took Forfend several minutes of listening to realize their tune was scripted and looping.

"Forfend," Melzaryn called.

It snapped its attention over to where Melzaryn and Kairi waited, having already taken several steps down the stairs before realizing it hadn't followed.

"This is mostly just to display the new stuff and top sellers. The real shopping is on the next floor down," Melzaryn said.

Forfend glanced around at the displays of swords and scrolls and ink pots and pouches. Each one had a gleeful Moli standee in varying poses plastered to the wall behind it.

Forfend nodded and moved to follow Melzaryn.

The group descended the stairway and immediately approached the cashier's desk.

A gnomish man sat on a high stool behind the counter. He was impeccably dressed, his hair tied back neatly and his suit completely free of wrinkles or creases. The shop logo gleamed golden on his breast pocket.

"Oh, hello and welcome to Moli's Marvelous Mementos," the clerk greeted. "How may I assist you this fine day?"

He paused as he took in the group. His eyes lit up at the sight of Melzaryn. "Oh!" he exclaimed, "Mr. Collymore!"

Melzaryn ducked his head politely.

"I imagine you won't know who I am," the clerk joked good-naturedly. "Delkan Booncollar. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Melzaryn took Delkan's extended hand. "The pleasure's all mine. Any chance you can do item modifications here?"

"Yes, of course," Delkan nodded.

"Excellent," Melzaryn grinned. "I've run into a bit of a limitation on storage space. I'd like a couple of the handy mini magical pocket things but rather than a backpack, I'd like a belt."

"That's very interesting!" Delkan praised. "I could do a bit of a combination, perhaps with some items like, say, a Cloak of Useful Items and a Handy Haver Sack, to create this belt. Does that sound adequate, Mr. Collymore?"

"That sounds fantastic," Melzaryn agreed.

"Are there any special requests you'd like to make regarding the item's style or materials?" Delkan asked.

"Well, let's see," Melzaryn hummed and looked himself over. "My current adventuring gear is black with a bit of silver trim. Let's try to keep that aesthetic if we can."

"No problem," Delkan nodded. "So, with your family discount applied to the commission..." He trailed off as he pulled up an abacus and began figuring up the numbers. "Five-hundred gold pieces."

"Perfect! How long do you figure that'll take to throw together?" Melzaryn inquired.

"You're looking for multiple small pockets, yes?"

Melzaryn hummed affirmatively.

"Since it's multiple small enchantments rather than one large one, it shouldn't take too long with the materials we've recently acquired. I would say two days at most," Delkan estimated. "One day, if I mark it as a rush job, but that costs an additional hundred gold pieces."

Melzaryn rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. "I'm not sure if we have the time to wait."

"We have the time," Forfend piped up.

"We have the time," Melzaryn repeated perkily. "Two days is fine."

Delkan blinked owlishly at Forfend, as though he was seeing it for the first time. "Mr. Collymore, you've acquired a gol--" He cut himself off. "No, it spoke for itself. Greetings!" he waved excitedly.

Forfend returned the wave. "Hello."

"I've never seen a construct such as you before!" Delkan stood up on his stool. "All made up of marble! You almost resemble a stone golem and yet... That's the difference," he said, pointing at the rune on its face. "Fascinating."

Forfend's chest lit up bright orange. Finally, someone recognized it as anything other than a golem.

"I must formally extend my welcome to the shop to you as well, Mister..." he trailed off and gently rolled his wrist as a prompt.

"Forfend."

"Mr. Forfend," he bowed politely. "I am Delkan Booncollar and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise," Forfend responded with its own polite bow.

Delkan smiled and turned back to Melzaryn. "Your commission will be done lickety-split. Five hundred gold and it'll be all set to go in two days' time."

"Excellent. Do you accept payment prior or upon completion? I don't really care which," Melzaryn shrugged.

"Typically, we take payment prior but, in this particular case, we'll accept payment at time of completion in the event that something goes awry," Delkan offered.

"Thank you."

Delkan wrote himself up a reminder note and stashed it to the side on his desk. "Alright, well, the store is yours to explore, friends. Is there anything else I can help you with? Perhaps I could interest you in our newly-invented arcane tattoos?"

Delkan shifted, standing taller and beginning what seemed to be a rehearsed but earnest pitch. "All you must do is press the needle to your skin and the ink itself will flow across in a luxurious tattoo of your very own design. And it even offers a few additional arcane benefits!"

He eyed Forfend, taking stock of the shield on its arm. "Or perhaps something simpler, like protection items."

His eyes darted over Kairi, then back to Melzaryn. He smiled knowingly at the two of them. "Or perhaps you're looking for something a little more esoteric and eccentric. What do you think?"

Delkan dropped back onto his stool and leaned his elbows on his desk, waiting giddily.

"I already got what I came for," Melzaryn said. "I think I'll just wander and peruse. You two should take a look around for yourselves."

Forfend nodded. "I would like to explore, I suppose."

Melzaryn was already walking away to browse.

"If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me or any of our helpful, handy... Well, you'll see them," Delkan said cryptically.

"Thank you," Forfend hummed.

"My pleasure, Mr. Forfend," Delkan waved as it took its leave.

Forfend milled about the shop, mostly watching the strange mechanical creatures go about their business.

Kairi gasped and dashed past it to whatever had caught her eye.

Forfend quickly lost sight of her in the rainbow tangle of product displays. It didn't know where Melzaryn had gotten off to anymore either. It guessed it was alone for now.

The little animatronic birds chirped and hopped along nearby while the clockwork cleaners scuttled about.

Perhaps it wasn't very alone in the shop, after all. Maybe no one could really be alone with all these little mechanical things buzzing around.

An armored mannequin caught Forfend's attention.

The display crouched low in a battle stance. It brandished a wooden sword, but the shield it held firmly before it was real. An emblem of Talbarius was emblazoned on the center of a black disk stuck to the front of the otherwise blank shield.

Forfend noticed a barrel of similar black disks sitting right next to the mannequin. These were much smaller and lacked an emblem of any kind. A vague magic sheen floated across their surfaces.

Forfend tilted its head. It reached out and lightly brushed its fingers against the device attached to the mannequin's shield.

The mannequin jerked upright, bringing its shield flush against its chest and thrusting its wooden sword skyward. "Presenting to you: the Guardian Emblem!" it shouted in the enthusiastic tone of an event announcer.

Forfend startled and backed up a step.

The mannequin jerkily lashed out with the shield as though bashing an enemy away and then held it out to show it off. "With this wonderful item right here, wherever an ally within your vicinity is attacked, you can step in and deflect the majority of the blow, acting as a guardian for all those around you! Huzzah!"

It banged its wooden sword against the shield once and then stuttered back into its original position.

Forfend watched the mannequin for a long moment, unnerved. When it was sure the strange display wouldn't move again, it slowly reached into the barrel and picked up one of the little black disks.

Magic chimed and text stating the price appeared above the barrel.

Five-hundred gold.

Forfend didn't think that was a bad price. It decided to take the little item with it while it pondered making the purchase.

It soon stumbled across another armored mannequin.

This one held a javelin as though preparing to launch it across the store. It was the very same pose in which Iram was often depicted throwing lighting bolts.

Forfend circled the display. It observed the stockstill mannequin, quietly taking note of the hidden mechanisms peeking through the armor. It stared into the mannequin's blank, helmeted face.

After a lot of silent deliberation, it gently tapped the display's chest piece.

This one sprung to life just like the last, brandishing its weapon around with spasmodic movements. "Hiya!" it shouted and slammed the spear into the ground.

Well, almost. The tip stopped just short of the floor.

Forfend still flinched at the sudden noise, but it was more prepared this time.

"Presenting to you," the mannequin announced as it offered up the javelin, "the Javelin of Lightning!" It lifted the weapon high over its head. "This fantastic magical item allows one to throw it through the air as though one were throwing a lightning bolt itself! T-t-targeting everything along the path between oneself and one's enemy with vicious arcane lightning the likes of which you have n-n-never seen!"

The mannequin twitched back into its starting position.

Forfend wondered about the catch in the mannequin's pre-recorded message. Maybe something in the jumble of gears wasn't sitting quite right.

It hummed to itself as it continued deeper into the shop.

It found itself tapping each and every display it came across, listening to their little blurbs play out, and then tromping off to the next one. Something about them had its attention.

Maybe it was the same odd sort of kinship it felt with animated armors and other inorganic creations. Those things weren't alive the same way it was, but there was an undeniable similarity.

At least, Forfend thought so.

The next mannequin in the seemingly neverending lineup stood with its hands braced atop a large shield. The symbol of Cassis was engraved into the exceptional piece.

Forfend bopped the mannequin's forehead.

"Intro-introducing the mighty and fine Sentinel's Shield!" the display declared in a slightly less jaunty tone than the others.

This one sounded a touch more serious, though it had the same stutter in its recording that many of the others had sported.

"With this shield upon your person, the central eye where the spears meet will open up to reveal all enemies around you, allowing you to remain vigilant while in combat," the mannequin finished. It held the shield out and gestured to the slit at the center of the symbol before promptly returning to its original pose.

Forfend tapped the mannequin again.

It repeated itself, stuttering again in the exact same spot as the first time.

Forfend hummed and wandered over to the next mannequin it saw.

This one stood tall, fists braced on its hips. It wasn't armored like most of the others. Instead, it showed off the wooden scaffolding and metal mechanics beneath. Its arms were thicker than the others and covered in thin fabric stuffed with straw to give the appearance of bulging muscles.

Around its waist was an enormous leather belt. The buckle bore two copper fists crashing into one another.

Forfend tapped the mannequin's arm.

It twitched to life and began shifting through various flexes. "Introducing," it thundered, "the Belt of Hill Giant Strength! It allows even the most feeble and weak individuals to gain the strength of a hill giant!"

The mannequin returned to its original pose.

"Interesting," Forfend hummed.

It started to go back to milling around idly when it spotted Kairi gallivanting through the aisles.

She paused to observe a particular display.

Forfend caught up to her and tilted its head.

This setup was much larger than any of the others it had seen so far.

Three mannequins slumped over a large table. One lay on the ground nearby.

Empty tankards, some tipped over, were scattered about the table and floor. Each mannequin had two or three in front of them.

At the head of the table sat a standee of Moli chugging a pint of ale. She was surrounded by over a dozen empty mugs and looking far more alert than her mechanical companions.

A small necklace was draped around the cutout's neck. A pendant resembling a tiny glass tankard dangled from the chain. It seemed to actually contain an amber liquid of some sort.

Forfend leaned forward and knocked on the table.

One of the mannequins sat up, grabbed a mug, and languidly dragged itself to its feet. It thrust the mug out as though for a toast. "Introducing the Amulet of the Drunkard," it slurred, swaying on its feet. "While wearing this fine, fine item, whenever you drink a pint of beer, ale, or mead, the liquid will become a restorative healing item to your body, allowing you to recover from your wounds while also enjoying a fine drink!"

The mannequin staggered back into its chair, thunked its tankard down, and slumped back onto the table.

"Well, that sounds interesting," Kairi mused, giggling at the little show.

"I am concerned for that mannequin's wellbeing," Forfend hummed and realized it wasn't entirely joking.

"Yeah, I'm definitely not sure that's something I'd buy," Kairi agreed with a grin.

She skipped off.

Forfend hustled after her.

It couldn't interact with the displays they were passing and still keep up so it watched the mechanical avians instead.

Slowly, it realized they were watching it back. They were still chirping rhythmically and hopping about, but they were more fixated on Forfend then they had been before.

It glanced down at the item in its hands.

Realization dawned on it.

Forfend hadn't made its purchase yet. The birds weren't just for ambiance. They were also theft prevention.

It had no intention of testing any theories, but it did wonder what countermeasures the birds would employ if they were certain of an attempted theft. Were they an alert system? Or could they do something to prevent escape? Did they try to recover the stolen merchandise?

Forfend abruptly stopped to keep from bowling right over Kairi.

She'd paused to look at a display and Forfend had nearly been too distracted to notice.

The armored mannequin here had its back to them. It looked over its shoulder, unbelievably haughty for something without a face.

Forfend hoped it was able to display its own emotions that well.

The mannequin held its arms up and pointed its thumbs down at the golden cloak flowing along its back.

This cloak bore the shop's logo emblazoned across the shoulders.

A hanging sign proclaimed it to be a Cloak of Protection.

Kairi walked off before Forfend could tap the display.

Begrudgingly, it caught up to her as she sifted through a shelf full of what appeared to be bottles of smoke.

A cutout of Moli graced the top of the shelf. She held an uncorked bottle of the mystery smoke. It seemed to be wrapping around her legs and obscuring her from the bottom up. She held her fingers to her lips, her eyes dancing with mischievous delight.

Forfend inspected the mannequin beside the shelf. It, too, held a bottle of smoke. It seemed to be gazing at it thoughtfully.

Forfend touched the mannequin's hand.

It shivered and turned jerkily, holding the bottle out. "Introducing the Ever-Smoking Bottle!"

It popped the cork out. Smoke hissed free and drifted downward, dusting over the ground.

"This item right here allows you to emit an endless stream of smoke! Even when the bottle eventually does empty, it'll recharge at the end of the day!" It corked the bottle again. "It allows one to conceal their environment, stay hidden, and..." It leaned forward conspiratorially. "Most importantly, have a good time," the mannequin said suggestively. "Sneaking around, of course," it added in a less sultry tone.

Forfend tilted its head at the mannequin as it returned to its original positioning.

"Did it suggest this item be used for..?" Forfend trailed off. Surely, that couldn't be right. It had just misunderstood.

Kairi shrugged, not quite hiding a smirk.

Forfend shook the befuddlement out of its body and followed Kairi to her next destination.

She hadn't gone far. She was poking around a display of small bags filled with sand.

Another standee of Moli stood nearby. This one was in a similar sneaky stance to the last. She was sprinkling the dust over her head. More than half her body was invisible with the effect apparently climbing to claim the rest of her.

Forfend immediately tapped the roughish mannequin next to the standee.

The mannequin sank lower into its stealthy crouch and greedily tugged the pouch of sand into its chest. It ducked its head, knocking its hood down a little lower, before it spoke in a stage whisper, "Introducing the Dust of Disappearance." It offered the slightest peek at the fine sand within before snapping the drawstring shut again. "With this item, all you must do is sprinkle some of this dust into the air around your body and you'll become invisible for a short period of time. Use it wisely." It returned to its creeping hunker.

"That seems pretty fun," Kairi muttered to herself.

Forfend couldn't help but ponder what use someone like Kairi would have for an underhanded item like this.

"Ooh, what's that?!" Kairi gasped.

Forfend followed her gaze to a mannequin traipsing right up the side of the wall.

The pair promptly found themselves standing under it next to a mannequin watching its friend with amazement in its body language.

All of the mannequins were so expressive, despite being completely featureless. Maybe it could learn something from them.

Forfend waited until Kairi wasn't looking to briefly copy the stance.

No one in Foumedo had trouble reading Forfend's mood, but it wasn't in Foumedo anymore. Maybe it should exaggerate its physical expressions a bit more to get its point across.

Kairi looked up from the rack of slippers she was browsing through and tapped the mannequin's shoulder.

The mannequin startled slightly and turned to face them. "Oh! Hello, there." It gestured up at its wayward friend who now seemed to be walking in place up the wall. "Introducing the Slippers of Spiderclimbing! While wearing these fine items, you will be able to walk up, down, and sideways across vertical and even upside-down surfaces such as ceilings, leaving your hands free for whatever you wish!" It turned back to wondrously observing its friend.

"Slippers? For walking up walls, would you not want something with laces?" Forfend asked. "What if you were to lose one?"

Kairi tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Well, the mannequin up there doesn't seem to be having any trouble with his. Maybe the magic keeps them on too?"

Forfend nodded. "That makes sense."

"Let's circle back. I think I want that Ever-Smoking Bottle thing," Kairi grinned.

She trotted jauntily back to the display and snagged a bottle off the shelf, barely glancing at the two-hundred gold price tag that popped up.

Forfend followed her through the multiple floors and winding aisles all the way back to the front counter.

"Oh, look! It's Melzaryn!" Kairi yelled.

She and Forfend joined him at a pair of massive displays sitting side by side.

It had been too focused on Delkan to see them when it first came in, but now they were glaringly obvious.

In fact, they were completely impossible to ignore. The design of the surrounding fixtures intentionally led customers to this spot. Not to mention that this pair of displays was easily twice the size of the others.

The first advertisement was an oversized standee of Moli wielding a painter's palette. She seemed to have just painted a doorway, but her hand actually grasped the knob and pushed it open as though it were truly there.

Forfend craned its head back to read the dangling sign above.

"Molixeen's Marvelous Pigments," it read aloud.

Kairi squinted at the mannequin gasping awestruck at Moli's painting. "I guess he's an art critic," Kairi said.

The mannequin sported gaudy noble's attire, a monocle, and a stuffy powdered wig that came complete with a twirling mustache.

Forfend poked the mannequin's shoulder.

It turned to regard them. "Well, this item is quite interesting to say the least. A new invention recently transported to this Cragwall establishment." It held its arms out to present the Moli standee. "Introducing Molixeen's Marvelous Pigments! While it does indeed require the artistic hand of a painter, whatever you paint with these pigments becomes real." It juddered back into its gasp position.

"That would be quite the amazing ability," Forfend admitted.

"They'd definitely be fun to play with," Kairi agreed.

"I could think of some uses," Melzaryn added.

Forfend leaned down and touched a finger to one of the cases of paints stacked up by the display.

A magical ching sounded as the price popped up above the items.

"Twenty-five thousand," Forfend said, steam whistling in its chest. It pulled its hand away from the paints and backed up a step.

"Well, this one won't be any cheaper, but I'd still like to look at it," Melzaryn shrugged as he stepped over to the next oversize display.

A pair of emerald gauntlets spun slowly in the air over an elevated pedestal.

Forfend perked up and inspected them critically.

They were gorgeously and expertly crafted, despite the incredibly strange material choice. Black steel was inlaid into the gauntlets, carving out intricate designs of draconic imagery throughout their angles and curves. Power radiated palpably.

A mannequin dressed in the green scholarly robes of a Tyrwedian arcanist stood nearby, looking fully prepared to begin a lecture.

Forfend tapped its hand.

"Intro-int-intr-introducing, with the j-joint construction of the gra-gra-gracious King Ledri-drian to this wonderful establish-blishment upon our a-a-a-a-arrival in Cragwall-wall, we present to y-you the G-g-g-gauntlets of Dragon-gon's Wrath," the mannequin stuttered and jerked through its motions.

"Oh no, you broke it," Melzaryn teased.

"With th-th-this weapon, one-one strikes with--" It jolted sharply to a halt, stuck in an awkward halfway point between lecturer poses.

Forfend tilted its head. "Oh, I did break it."

The mannequin suddenly yanked upright, buzzed mechanically, and slouched over. Despite its now abysmal posture, its recording started up again, "W-with these weapons-pons, once power-wer-werful blows b-b-become e-even strong-stronger! With the mi-might-t of a-an emerald-ald dra-drag-drago-go-gon behind them, one can-can un-unleash-leash a cone o-of psychic-psy-psy-psychic energy and-nd deal psychic d-dam-damage with-ith every bl-b-blow as th-the symbol-bol-bols glow with w-worthy drac-con-conic-ic energy-y-y-y! M-may this wea-weapon find-find-f-find its use i-in the right h-h-han-h-hand-h-hands." Its voice deepened and slowed on the last stuttered word until it finally petered out completely.

Forfend resisted the urge to take the mannequin apart and start trying to make repairs. It wanted to help, but it wasn't an artificer. It could probably identify the problem as long as the problem was mechanical, but fix it? Unlikely.

These also weren't its things to fix anyway.

Forfend hummed to itself.

Melzaryn nudged it and nodded. "Yeah, they'd be better in silver."

For a moment, Forfend had no idea what he was talking about. Then it remembered the spinning power gauntlets. It reached up and gently touched the top of the pedestal.

A magical ching sounded and the price popped up.

Forty-thousand gold pieces.

Forfend honestly wasn't surprised by the astronomical sum. Weapons like that were as rare as the skills needed to make them.

Melzaryn was already walking over to the front desk.

Forfend realized he was carrying a hefty bundle of items.

"Welcome back," Delkan greeted. "Did you find all the items you were looking for?"

"I'd say I did," Melzaryn answered as he carefully deposited his things onto the table.

"Excellent! Now let's see what we have here!" Delkan picked through the items, muttering to himself. He pulled an abacus up from behind his counter to run the numbers.

"Ooh, Broom of Flying! Excellent choice, Mr. Collymore," Delkan praised. "A pair of Sending Stones. Very useful indeed. And what is this? You're picking up the Astral Shard?"

"It seemed both useful and fun," Melzaryn smiled his easy, inscrutable smile.

Delkan nodded agreeably. "That brings us to a total value of twenty-two hundred gold. With your family discount, that brings you down to a good fifteen hundred gold."

Melzaryn counted out the money and placed it on the counter.

"Perfect." Delkan swiped the money off the edge of the table and stored it away. "I hope the items see good use and work well for you. Would you like a bag?"

"Thank you. Yes, I would. Not for this one though." Melzaryn picked up his new broom.

Delkan placed the set of Sending Stones and the Astral Shard into a bag decorated with an image of Moli grinning and giving a thumbs up.

"Thank you for shopping at my wonderful store and I hope you have a wonderful day!" the bag suddenly announced in what Forfend could only assume was Moli's voice.

"And what about you, Mr. Forfend?" Delkan coaxed.

Forfend straightened. It had nearly forgotten it was making a purchase today too. It stepped up to the counter and set its Guardian Emblem down.

"Very nice choice," Delkan nodded approvingly. "This will be five hundred gold pieces."

Forfend divvied up the money. "Thank you."

"Of course. Would you like a bag with that?"

"No, it is fine." Forfend shook its head.

Delkan passed the Guardian Emblem back across the counter.

Forfend dropped the item into one of the larger pouches on its belt and stepped aside for Kairi.

"I hope you have a wonderful day." Delkan spied Kairi approaching and ducked his head politely. "And what about you, Ms..." He frowned. "I do apologize. I don't believe I caught your name."

"It's Kairi," she offered amicably.

"Ah, well, Ms. Kairi, it appears you'd like to purchase the Ever-Smoking Bottle. That one is two hundred gold pieces."

"Alrighty," Kairi grinned. "But make it two hundred and five, as a tip." She gave him the gold.

"Well, I do appreciate a good tip from a gracious lady like yourself," Delkan preened as he dropped the extra money into his breast pocket. The rest he tucked away beneath his desk. "Would you like a bag?"

"That would be helpful, thank you."

Delkan bagged the item and passed it over.

Just like the first time, Moli's voice called, "Thank you for shopping at my wonderful store and I hope you have a wonderful day!"

"I hope you have a wonderful day," Delkan echoed. "If you have any other items you're looking for or if you'd like details on anything we sell, please do come let me know."

"Thank you, Delkan," Forfend ducked its head politely and followed Melzaryn out of the shop.

Kairi was close behind. "I guess we should probably go get Kagoshi now, huh?"

Melzaryn set his magical broom hovering in the air and hopped up on it, his feet dangling just an inch off the ground. "Yeah, probably."

Three claps sounded behind the group, followed by an arcane blip.

They turned around to see a transparent image of Moli.

Melzaryn startled, then sighed wearily.

"Well, if this recording is playing--" Moli began, then looked off to the side. "It's on, right? Yeah? Yeah. Okay, cool." She turned back to face them. "If this recording is playing, that means you are here, brother! Hi! I heard that you're in the area, so I had Delkan put this up. How are you doing?! I know you can't answer me. Don't even try. But! I hope you have a good time here and I hope you bought some shit! Did you like the discount?" She paused again and looked off to her left. "It's working, right? You're sure? What? Why would I..? You know what, I'm wasting time. Anyways!" She clapped and looked at them again. "Yeah, I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope to hear back from you sometime."

The illusion froze in place.

"That was sweet of her," Melzaryn said mostly to himself, an exasperated fondness wisping into his tone.

Moli suddenly looked up again as the recording apparently continued. "Yeah, Delkan, I told you to put it up right when he gets out the door. Don't fucking argue with me." She leaned in conspiratorially and whispered. "I've got a little project going on."

Melzaryn leaned in to hear her properly.

"It's gonna be pretty fucking cool. I need your help with it though."

This time the illusion disappeared in a puff of arcana.

A nervous shiver ran down Melzaryn's spine, but the glimmer in his eyes betrayed curious excitement.

"Let us get Kagoshi," Forfend prompted and began making its way over to the jail.

Kairi trotted along at its side, edging closer as they reentered the crowd in the town square.

Melzaryn floated up at Forfend's other side, lounging casually on his flying broom. "Here." He tossed Forfend one of the two Sending Stones he'd purchased. "I think we're the best two to be carrying these."

"That makes sense," Forfend nodded. It pocketed the stone.

Shortly, the group found themselves at the outer gates of the military complex.

Forfend recognized the guard on duty as the one who'd gifted it rocks.

And the guard recognized it as well.

"Oh, hi! You're back?" He cocked his head. "Can we help you?"

Forfend knelt to keep from looming so high over the guard. "Is Kagoshi up for bail yet?"

"Oh yeah, I mean, he just got in a little scuffle with a librarian, so yeah," the guard casually nodded.

Forfend looked to Melzaryn.

Melzaryn shrugged.

"What is the bail?" it asked, steam hissing in its chest.

"I, uh, I can go ask," the guard offered. "I'll be right back."

He jogged through the gates and into the building proper.

A few minutes later, he returned.

"Since it was just a minor thing, it's just one gold," the guard informed. "Thankfully, no one was hurt. Everything turned out fine. At least, that's what they told me. I wasn't there."

Melzaryn glanced sharply at Forfend, his eyes saying an unspoken, "You're welcome."

Forfend pressed two gold into the guard's hand.

"Oh, um, but this is double the amount? Why?" he asked.

"The second gold is for you," Forfend hummed.

"Really?"

"You helped me," it nodded.

"Oh! Okay, thank you," he grinned as he dropped the spare gold piece into his pocket.

"You know what they say about good deeds getting rewarded or whatever," Melzaryn botched the old saying.

"Alright, uh, thanks. I'm gonna go get him." The guard headed back inside.

"I thought you said his monstrous second personality tried to learn?" Forfend probed. "I imagined that would create... more alarm."

"Yeah, it did. And it should've. Definitely seemed like it was going to. I'll figure it out later," Melzaryn promised. "This isn't the time or place."

Kagoshi meandered out of the front gates and met up with them. "Well, that was stupid," he grumbled.

Melzaryn examined Kagoshi's face briefly. He quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"It's getting late, isn't it?" Kairi pointed out.

"We should get a room." Melzaryn walked over to the guard just as he returned to his post. "Any recommendations on places to stay?"

"Oh! Um, I mean, the best inn or tavern kind of place around here has to be the Brass Buffalo," the guard shared. "Its right down that way, past the king's statue. It's hard to miss."

"Sounds lovely, thank you."

Melzaryn started walking in the direction he'd been pointed in.

Forfend and the others followed him.

The Brass Buffalo was already abuzz when they arrived despite the fact that the sun had only just begun to cast orange across the skies.

The building was a full three stories, the top two appearing to be inn rooms while the bottom was packed with revelry.

An enormous brass buffalo statue, presumably the tavern's namesake, stood next to the front door.

The detail work was gorgeous and the metal gleaming. Though, the pristine effect was ruined by the fact that the statue appeared to have been unceremoniously dropped here hard enough to buckle the pavement beneath. A small fence and red cloth sectioned off the partially collapsed cobblestone.

Forfend wondered how that could've happened.

The group pushed through the doors into the bustling bar.

Forfend didn't have to stoop much.

The inside was even noisier and more lively than it had looked from the outside.

In the far corner, a band performed one joyful, exciting song after another.

Nearly every table was overflowing with chattering customers. Drinks clanged while people danced and laughed. Varying cards and dice games were in the midst of being played across several different tables.

Most of the patrons seemed to be farmers or off-duty guards.

A heavyset red dragonborn hollered from behind the bar, "Order's up!"

He pushed a tray of drinks down the counter and immediately set to taking the next order. He teased his regulars, laughing with them as he kept up his breakneck working pace.

"Well, I'm gonna get me some food. Jail food is awful," Kagoshi complained as he made his way to the bar.

"You were there for, what, hours? Did they even feed you?" Forfend asked.

"Eh, I took a nap for most of it. I told the guard I wasn't hungry because I knew the food would fucking suck." Kagoshi leaned on the bar. "Now I'm very hungry."

"Hello there! Pleasure to meet you all!" the red dragonborn bellowed a greeting. "What can I get for-- Hey! You're the guys who helped out at the Teleportation Hub yesterday! I can tell 'cause we've got the big, tall stone guy, we got the pink lady, we got the guy with the whole getup and the platinum blond hair, and we got the slightly angry looking man."

"He is even angrier than he looks," Forfend said.

"Hey now!" Kagoshi griped. "What the hell? 'Slightly angry looking' is my entire descriptor?"

"Hey, man, I wasn't there," the dragonborn placated. "But you know what? You saved a lot of people that day. First thing you order is on the house. What do you want? Drinks, food?"

"Food," Kagoshi accepted immediately. "I'm starving."

"Got the menu right here." The dragonborn placed a menu in front of each of them. "Just got buffalo ribeyes in the other day. Nice and fresh, if you want those."

Kagoshi nodded thoughtfully, pouring over the menu.

"We also got owlbear steak and eggs. Lots of different omelettes, any way you want them, if you're interested in that. Nice hearty stews and soups," the dragonborn listed off.

"I think what I want is a couple of eggs and all of your bacon."

The dragonborn nodded, scribbling the order down on a notepad.

"I do mean all of it," Kagoshi clarified. "I don't mean a lot. I mean all of it."

The dragonborn eyed him quizzically. After a moment, he nodded again. "I getcha, I getcha. I know the lingo. How'd you like those eggs cooked?"

"Screaming," Kagoshi responded.

The dragonborn nodded again, though Forfend didn't think he looked like he understood. It also didn't think Kagoshi had made any sense.

Still, the dragonborn turned and yelled into the kitchen, "Hey, chef! Can I get a couple of baby chickens, Godflame Mountain style?! And a mountain of pork, would you?!" He flashed them a friendly smile. "That'll be out in just a few. What are the rest of you ordering?"

"I do not eat or drink," Forfend shared.

"Ah, well, that's unfortunate. If you do need anything, first thing you order is on the house."

Forfend ducked its head politely.

"Do you have any wines here?" Melzaryn asked.

"Of course, we do!" the dragonborn exclaimed. "We just got in some good ones too. We've got Summerstead wine, Goodberry wine, and we even got in a branch of that new investment the Gallofords are trying out!"

"Do not buy the Galloford wine," Forfend said flatly.

Melzaryn nodded his agreement. "Let me get a hearty beef stew, a bottle of red Summerstead wine, and a single strip of bacon."

"Sure thing." The dragonborn wrote down the order and yelled into the kitchen again, "Hey, chef! Gimme the soup, mooing, with a single strip of pork on the side, keep it lean! And a bottle of dragon's blood!"

"I like the jargon here," Kagoshi mentioned.

"What about you, miss?" the dragonborn asked Kairi.

Kairi hummed as she browsed the menu. After a moment, she pointed to a particular dish. "I'll have rice with black beans, and a fried egg."

"Excellent choice. Drinks for either of you?" he asked Kairi and Kagoshi.

"Shit, drinks. I almost forgot about that," Kagoshi grumbled. "Strong alcohol. I don't have a preference."

"You want something that burns real bad?" the dragonborn offered with a wink.

"Yeah."

"I can get you a fireball, if you'd like. I think that would do you." The dragonborn nodded to himself.

"Hey, chef, how about some of that Fulgar Isles stuff with a Kuumedian twist! Drop the sun on it!" the dragonborn hollered what Forfend could only guess was Kairi's order into the kitchen.

He turned to Kagoshi, a sly grin creeping across his face. "I just got another idea. You look like a man's man. We got this... other drink. The chef concocted it a while back. He calls it the Death Wish. Would you rather try that than the fireball?"

"Yeah, I'm game," Kagoshi said slowly. "Some people already tell me I have a death wish anyway. Go for it."

"Alright, one Death Wish coming right up."

"What?!" a high-pitch scratchy voice called from the kitchen. "Somebody's ordering the Death Wish?! It's getting used?! Hold down the fort boys, I'm making this one myself!"

A goblin, tiny even by goblin standards, scampered out of the kitchen. His chef's hat had been modified to stand more than twice his height. It towered over him, but was barely level with the countertop.

The goblin gawked at Kagoshi. "You want the Death Wish?!"

"Yes, half-hat," Kagoshi growled.

"Fuck yeah!" the goblin cheered. "I'll be right back! Don't worry, your bacon is being cooked!"

He gallivanted off, only to return a minute later with a shot glass containing a drink that bubbled oily black.

"Here ya go!" the goblin cheerfully jumped up on a stool to push the drink into Kagoshi's hand. "Little of this, little of that, and just a couple drops of basilisk venom!"

Forfend physically recoiled. It couldn't believe Kagoshi actually intended to drink what appeared to be venom-laced tar.

Kagoshi eyed the drink suspiciously. "So what's in this exactly?"

"Trade secret," the goblin grinned.

"Alright, sure." Kagoshi shrugged and turned up the glass.

Within seconds, Kagoshi was swaying on his feet. His eyes were dilated and his face red. He slammed the glass back down on the table and hauled himself onto a stool.

The goblin bounced excitedly, screeching in his native tongue. "Holy shit, he's still awake!" he suddenly exclaimed in Common.

"Oh, I thought he was going to say 'alive,'" Melzaryn whispered under his breath.

"Guts of steel!" the goblin praised, elbowing the dragonborn.

"I know," the dragonborn agreed. "Look at him!"

Forfend watched Kagoshi struggle to focus on any one thing in front of his face. He held onto the edge of the bar to keep himself upright.

"Damn! You're only the second person I've ever seen stay awake after the Death Wish. The first one was me!" The goblin proudly jabbed a thumb at his own chest. "You know what? I'm making you extra bacon just for that!"

"Fuck yes," Kagoshi slurred.

The goblin disappeared back into the kitchen.

The group moved to find an empty table, and Kairi nearly had to carry Kagoshi to it.

Not long after they'd gotten settled, the food was brought out.

The dragonborn and a couple other waiters served everything to its rightful places. It took two people to carefully set down Kagoshi's absurd interwoven mountain of bacon.

Kagoshi immediately began shoveling food into his mouth.

Forfend hoped the meal would help him sober up a bit. It figured he hadn't eaten since they'd left the jail this morning. He really hadn't had any business drinking in the first place. Not on an empty stomach.

Melzaryn pulled up his waterskin and used magic to draw the water out. In his palm, it shaped itself into a wine glass and flash froze. Chilled fog drifted off the opaque ice.

"Oh, that's some very impressive arcana!" The dragonborn clapped. "Do you lot need rooms for the night?"

"Thank you," Melzaryn smiled his usual easy grin as he filled his makeshift glass with Summerstead wine. "We definitely will need rooms. I'm very tired."

"Alright. Don't worry about the price. You saved a hundred people yesterday. I think that's worth a room for the night." The dragonborn paused, his eyes lighting up with surprise. "I don't think I ever introduced myself! The name's Narmoth Brewcoat!"

"Forfend," it returned immediately.

"Forfend," Narmoth repeated. "Nice to meet you, Forfend."

"Melzaryn."

"Kairi. And that's Kagoshi," Kairi offered for her friend who seemed far too busy absolutely decimating his plate of bacon to answer.

"Wow, he's really going at that," Narmoth observed. "Anyway, do you need rooms together or separate?"

"Separate," Kagoshi growled through a mouthful of pork.

"The only person here I'd share a room with is Forfend," Melzaryn added.

"That would work for me," Forfend piped up. "I am just as happy to sit outside as I am to sit in a room. I do not need to sleep. There is no point in wasting a bed on me when someone else could use it."

"Alright, sure. Three rooms then," Narmoth nodded.

On the far side of the bar, another guest called for Narmoth.

"Oh, I've got to get that. I hope you enjoy your meal," Narmoth excused himself, weaving across the packed bar.

Melzaryn and Kairi immediately got started on their own plates.

Forfend let the others dig into their meals. It sat upright to watch people come and go.

The bustling tavern had no lack of interesting patrons.

Forfend watched gambling games, arguments that nearly became fist fights, stumbling drunks getting carried home by their friends, mirthful dancers, and a host of other distinctly mortal things it recalled falling in love with during the Sundering.

The wariness after yesterday's terrorist attack had almost entirely dissipated here. Tenacious people determined to keep up their good spirits in hard times made sure to enjoy their night out.

It was Forfend's favorite act of defiance. Joy, happiness, fun then the world didn't seem to want anyone to have those things.

Forfend found its chest was glowing softly orange.

An elven man let himself into the Brass Buffalo tavern.

He looked ordinary enough. Dirty blond hair and light stubble framed his face, his high cheekbones giving him a vague authoritative air he didn't seem to be trying to use. His clothes were nice but plain.

Forfend wasn't certain what about him it had caught onto.

Maybe it was the rapier at his side. The weapon was a bit of a contrast to his clothes. The hilt gleamed Tyrwedian green, a striking comparison to the man's otherwise earth-toned outfit. The dull wooden sheathe it rested in didn't seem to suit such a fine weapon.

The stranger leaned down to speak to a guard. He pat the man's shoulder and looked up, immediately locking gazes with Forfend. He headed straight toward it.

He grinned when he saw the rest of the group sitting with it.

"Hello," Forfend greeted.

Melzaryn, Kairi, and Kagoshi all looked up to see who it was talking to.

"Hi," the elven man greeted. His ears tottered back and forth from nerves or excitement, or perhaps both. "I couldn't help but notice you all from across the room. Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"I often get noticed from across the room," Melzaryn said tiredly and took a sip of his wine.

Forfend motioned to an empty chair.

The elf accepted and waved Narmoth over.

Narmoth approached, a chuckle already rumbling in his chest. "Welcome back, Mr. King."

Melzaryn's pointed ears swiveled, though he didn't otherwise appear interested.

The elf sighed wearily. "Could I get some dinner?" He passed Narmoth the money without waiting for an answer.

"Sure thing. I'll get your usual." Narmoth dropped the coins in his apron pocket and returned to the counter.

"So, where are you all from?" the elf asked.

"North," Kagoshi deadpanned.

"North," Melzaryn and Kairi echoed together.

"I am from Foumedo," Forfend answered less cryptically.

"Foumedo? Really?" The elf looked it over again.

Forfend nodded.

"Huh," the elf vocalized as he considered the possibility. "Well, what you guys did yesterday, I really appreciate it. Problem's been persisting for a long time and, despite my best efforts, I can't really seem to track Envema down. So, I really appreciate what you did for my people."

The elf took the pint of ale directly from Narmoth's hands as the dragonborn returned with his meal.

"Enjoy." Narmoth set the plate down and gave the elf a friendly pat on the shoulder before returning to his post behind the bar.

The elf took a long draught. "Seriously, I can't thank you enough. You really helped Cragwall out. I know you guys are new in town and you did something real brave for people you don't even know. That's why I wanted to extend my thanks personally. Thank you. I really appreciate it."

Forfend nodded graciously. "Someone needed to help.

"Yeah." He rubbed at the back of his neck and sighed. "When I heard the first boom, I tried to head out right away. But of course, they wouldn't let me do that. 'Too important,' they said. I get the sentiment, but those are my people out there."

Forfend hummed deep in its chest.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the elf suddenly jumped. "I didn't introduce myself. I know you guys from all the reports my advisors have been giving me, but I still need to tell you who I am. I'm Falco. Falco Ledrian. The king, I guess," he shrugged.

Forfend froze.

Kagoshi looked up, bacon hanging out of his mouth. "What?"

Kairi's eyebrows shot up.

"The king of Tyrwedia," Falco sheepishly clarified.

Forfend examined him: his features, his body language, every word he'd said since he arrived.

"I don't blame you for not recognizing me," Falco said. "Usually when I go out and tell people, they think I'm lying. I mean, the bartender here is still convinced I'm lying."

Forfend stared. As far as it could tell, Falco was telling the truth. At least, he believed he was. And he did look remarkably like the statue in the town square.

He really was King Falco Ledrian.

"Are you okay?" Falco asked, watching Forfend's blank face with some concern.

Forfend nodded slowly.

"So what brings you to a place like this?" Melzaryn asked, already pouring himself a second glass of wine.

"Well, I like to be down here with my people. Staying up in the castle doesn't do any good," Falco answered adamantly. "A king is supposed to serve his people, you know? I need to be down here to see what they're dealing with every day."

Forfend respected that response. It wasn't certain why Falco had built himself such a reputation of distance, with the statue and lack of notable public appearances.

Coming down to see his people when they wouldn't recognize him was good. It let him stay in touch without the opinions he encountered being censored to protect his ego or the interests of those he spoke with. But it shouldn't be all he was doing. His people needed to see him and know he was there sometimes too.

"Admirable," Melzaryn complimented. "Wine?"

"Oh, sure," Falco accepted.

Melzaryn fashioned a second icy wine glass and poured Falco a drink.

Falco took a sip from the frigid glass.

"Don't you have a son?" Kagoshi slurred.

"I do. I have a number of children, actually." Falco tilted his head curiously at the question. "Erest was my most martially-inclined child. Despite the fact that I wanted him to lead his own life and carve his own path, he still decided to become a knight."

"Is he the one we met yesterday?" Kagoshi squinted at something somewhere between Forfend and Melzaryn.

"Oh, Halt? Yeah," Melzaryn confirmed.

"He is the one that took us in for questioning," Forfend seconded.

"Right, Halt!" Kagoshi shouted. "Prince Halt! Yeah, I remember him!"

Falco chuckled. "Why do you call him that?"

"He yelled, 'Halt,' at three stationary people and three unconscious people," Forfend explained.

Falco laughed, his face lighting up. "He didn't tell me that. I'm definitely telling him about this one."

When he composed himself again, he leaned across the table. "Seriously though, thanks for helping out. They wouldn't let me out of the castle when the attack was happening. So when I heard your group stepped up to save all those people, take down the threat, and you even captured two Envema members, I had to see you for myself."

He gestured around the bar as a whole and towards the door. "Of course, I had to check up on my people first. I was a little surprised I managed to find you all."

"Everything did happen very quickly," Melzaryn noted.

"Very," Forfend, Kairi, and Kagoshi all echoed.

"By the way," Falco started, "at the front gates and again during your interrogation, it was brought up that you're here for court? What's the deal with that?"

"My dear friend Jessie from Foumedo was wrongly accused of a crime by a Galloford," Forfend explained.

Falco's face hardened, his lips drawing into a tight line. "Really now?"

Forfend nodded seriously. "It has been quite a mess."

"As much as I hate to say it, when I first established this kingdom the five noble families were very trustworthy, but that's not true anymore," Falco lamented. "As time went on, some of them stagnated or went down bad paths. The Gallofords are certainly one of them. Sagemantle is another."

Falco glanced at their faces and provided further exposition, "The Sagemantles are monopolizing on their arcane expertise here in Tyrwedia."

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "The families I can safely say have remained stalwart and loyal are the Duskhelms and the Summersteads. But I shouldn't be worrying you all with the political stuff. You're just here to get your trial over with so you can go home."

Actually, Forfend was immensely interested in the political stuff. It even had a question in mind right away for exactly this individual. "Could you tell me what you think of the protest?"

Falco blinked. A dozen emotions flickered across his face before he simply sank down in his chair with a tired huff. "Yeah." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's been going on for a while. Do you know the history of the whole conflict?"

Forfend skook is head. "I do not."

"Alright. Well, you see, I'm actually from the Howling Plains of Begstrom. Way back when--" Falco paused. "I'm a high elf with a pretty significant lifespan. The time frame might feel a little odd to you all. Sorry."

Kairi shrugged.

Melzaryn pointedly didn't look up from his glass.

Forfend and Kagoshi exchanged a glance, knowing they were both from times long passed.

Falco either didn't notice or didn't comment. "Way back when, before the Kingdom of Tyrwedia was the Kingdom of Tyrwedia, it was just an empty spot." He straightened sharply. "Well, no, not empty. I wouldn't want to imply anything negative about the genasi that lived here, but the region was neutral territory."

"With King Maggard Stormrike's whole deal in the Howling Plains with the constant warring, he overstepped his bounds. A lot," Falco said with notable irritation. "Let's just say he made enemies of the neighbors and it wasn't good for us regular folk. A bunch of us banded together and made our way south to see what was going on here."

"Technically, we were still citizens of the Howling Plains and, even now, Tyrwedia is still a vassal state." Falco picked idly at his food and took a long sip of wine. "We tried diplomatic relations with the genasi, but they're not inclined to have us stay here. Though, they were fairly nice about it initially. Cragwall was actually the first city built here in Tyrwedia and it was very nice here for a long time, despite the mild tension."

Falco's brow creased as he retreated into his thoughts for a moment. "And then one of their dragons attacked us. Well, it attacked Cragwall. Then, when Cragwall was in ruins, it went onward to attack the Howling Plains too. King Maggard responded the way he always did and I was told to lead the army."

He rubbed at his forehead and dragged his hand down his face. "The formation of the Kingdom of Tyrwedia isn't something I'm proud of. As I said before, try as I might, I'm still a vassal of King Maggard. The genasi haven't been forgiving, despite the effort I've put in to make it up to them."

Falco shrugged and spread his hands. "Their protests are completely justified," he admitted. "Which is part of why Envema is such an interesting group. Do you know what their name means?"

"I do not," Forfend hummed, absorbing all the information Falco was giving it. There was much to this story. Still more, it thought, than Falco was sharing. It would need to speak to an earth genasi to learn more.

"Genasi speak Primordial. Earth genasi specifically speak a dialect related heavily to the earth elemental plane," Falco continued his explanation. "In their language, Envema means 'burn.' I'm not sure what exactly their goal is, but they seem to have an extremely vested interest in removing all genasi presence against Tyrwedia. Of course, they're also just a general threat to the peace at large."

Falco rubbed at the back of his neck and fussed with his cloak. "I've had an extremely hard time getting a handle on them since I'm also dealing with the corruption of the nobles."

"I see." Forfend tilted its head and considered all it knew for a long moment. "There are likely far fewer true Envema members than it seems."

"I hope so," Falco said.

"If I had to guess, I would say most are hypnotized innocents. The true ringleaders are likely few and far between," Forfend surmised.

"I read that in your report," Falco recalled. "It's very peculiar. And if that's the case..."

He looked at each of them in turn. "May I ask a bit of a favor? Of course, you may decline. I may be king, but I don't control you. Nevertheless, you are the first people in a very long time who have been able to make any progress on the Envema investigation. May I ask that you lend a hand once again?"

"Yes," Forfend instantly agreed.

Falco blinked, surprise leaving his jaw slack. "Oh! I honestly thought I'd have to add a little bit of incentive. Wow."

"Hold on now. I have a single request," Melzaryn interjected.

"Yes?" Falco allowed.

"It seems your Teleportation Hub is a touch exploded and I was on my way home before all this. Could I request help arranging transport once we're ready to leave?" Melzaryn asked.

"Yeah, yeah, yes, of course," Falco nodded. "I'm happy to assist with that."

"Excellent." Melzaryn settled back into what Forfend guessed was now his third or fourth glass of wine.

"I will need to return to Foumedo briefly after the trial. I made a promise," Forfend said seriously.

"That'll be no issue," Falco nodded again.

"Gold," Kagoshi grumbled flatly, tuning into the conversation for the first time in a while.

"Um, sure. I can definitely do that." Falco squinted perplexedly at Kagoshi.

"Good." Kagoshi promptly returned to ignoring the rest of the table.

"I have one more request of you all as well," Falco mentioned. "Knowing of the descent of the Galloford family, would you mind if I were to personally oversee your trial? I don't want to intrude if you don't want me there though."

"That would be perfectly fine with me," Forfend hummed.

"No objections here," Melzaryn said.

"I don't see a reason not to," Kairi added.

"Alright, then it's settled." Falco tilted his head back and forth thoughtfully. "I mean, obviously nothing is set in stone yet. I need to get the papers drafted and all that to make everything official. I'll handle all that though."

Falco stood and gave them a polite nod. "And again, thank you. I seriously can't thank you enough for what you've done."

He caught sight of the darkening skies through the windows and flinched. "Oh, shit," he swore under his breath. "What time is it?" he asked rhetorically, pulling out a pocket watch to check for himself. "Oh. I have to make it back to the castle. Alright, one more time, I greatly appreciate what you did for Tyrwedia yesterday."

He dusted himself and made for the door.

"Stay safe," Forfend called after him.

"I'm a king," Falco said as though that could prevent him from all bodily harm. "I was sent to lead an army against the genasi for a reason." He nudged the rapier at his side. "I think I can handle myself. But I hope you guys have a good night."

"Nevertheless, stay safe," Forfend repeated.

Falco held his hand out to shake each of the group's hands in turn.

Forfend made an effort to be gentle with its oversized stony grip.

Kairi firmly bounced Falco's hand.

Melzaryn held his glass out for a toast instead. "To your health."

"Oh, to your health," Falco seconded, tinking his icy glass against Melzaryn's own.

Melzaryn drained the rest of his drink.

"Wow, you guys are a crazy bunch," Falco commented.

When he offered his hand to Kagoshi, the drunken man just glared at it.

After a brief moment, Kagoshi offered an emphatic thumbs up.

Confused, Falco returned the odd gesture. He waved to them and rushed to the door.

"Well, that was weird," Kagoshi said as soon as the door shut behind Falco.

"That was oddly normal for me," Melzaryn shrugged.

"That was the first time I have ever met royalty," Forfend hummed.

"Wow," Melzaryn huffed, offended.

Kagoshi glanced off to the side with an unreadable expression on his face.

"I thought you preferred that we did not know who you were." Forfend tilted its head at Melzaryn.

"I mean, yeah, but you meet a king hours after you find out and call him the first one," Melzaryn complained.

Forfend wasn't certain it counted Melzaryn as a noble. At least not here in Tyrwedia where he was trying so very hard not to be recognized as one.

"If it is any consolation, I was no more impressed with him than I am with you," Forfend tried.

Melzaryn mulled over the sentiment while he poured himself another glass of wine. "Strangely enough, that does help."

"Alright, I'm getting a key and heading up to rest," Kairi decided. She nudged Kagoshi. "You too, drunk-ass," she teased.

"Mhm," Kagoshi grumbled.

Kairi hauled Kagoshi up out of his seat and helped him stagger up the stairs to their inn rooms.

Forfend watched Melzaryn empty the last of the wine bottle into his glass.

"We should also retire to our room," it suggested.

Melzaryn swirled the glass. "You're probably right." He downed the last of his drink and stood up. He swayed, but he didn't seem to be nearly as unsteady or out of it as Forfend had expected. "I need to summon a snake before we go to bed. Hope that won't bother you."

"It will not," Forfend said, though it didn't know what he meant.

Melzaryn led the way to the counter, got himself a key, and headed straight to the designated inn room.

Forfend ducked through the doorway after him.

The rooms were small. However, they were also sparsely decorated, which meant ample floor space.

Forfend settled itself in against the wall where it could watch both the door and the window. It figured that wouldn't be necessary, but it was remiss to let go of cautious old habits. It shut off its rune.

Melzaryn cracked a window and set up a miniature brass brazier. He dumped herbs and incenses Forfend didn't recognize over the coals.

He spoke in Elvish, magic lacing his words.

The coal lit itself and slowly began consuming the contents of the brazier.

Forfend proceeded to watch Melzaryn continue his occasional quiet Elvish chanting and gentle nudging of the brazier over the next hour.

The last wisp of smoke to exit the bowl hovered in the air without dissipating. It twisted, darkened, and solidified.

Arcana crackled and poofed.

A silvery viper melded itself from the smoke and curled around Melzaryn's outstretched hand. It flicked its tongue, tasting the air of its new surroundings.

"We're gonna be good friends," Melzaryn told the snake. "Keep an eye on me while I rest please. And squeeze my arm to wake me if you sense anything."

The snake only blinked, but that answer seemed to be enough for Melzaryn. He settled into bed with his new familiar still wrapped around his forearm.

Forfend let its mind drift idly over the events of its day.

Late into the night, when it was well past lost in its thoughts, Melzaryn's snake hissed sharply and constricted around its master's arm.

Forfend stared at the empty air the snake had taken issue with.

It lit its rune, perplexed and concerned.

There was nothing there. What was the little creature getting riled up about?

It tapped the medallion on its chest, reached out its hand, and closed its fist.

The magic seized an invisible veil and stripped it away, Dispelling whatever arcane mask had been there.

An assassin cloaked in black warbled into being just as he drove his blade downward at Melzaryn's throat.

Melzaryn twisted at the last second, sleep making him sluggish despite the snake's early warning.

The knife still caught his neck, slashing across as he pulled out from beneath the plunging blade.

Melzaryn slapped his hand over the blood gushing from his wound. It hadn't been enough to kill, but his vocal chords had almost certainly been mangled.

He couldn't cast. Not verbally.

Forfend hauled itself to its feet, magic already sparking between its fingers as it freed its mace from its belt.

It hoped this assassin didn't know who he was dealing with. It feared he did.

[royalcartier]

marilyn monroe and elvis presley

[notmanagingmymischief]

𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐉𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐜𝐤.

*sigh* yes i know I don't do straight stuff but...gods do i love this demon.

You laughed as Angel Dust made a particularly offensive comment, a gentle blush igniting your cheeks in the process. The spider demon smirked wickedly, twirling a cigarette between their fingers, and said "You alright there, sugar?" Again you chuckled and waved them off. Alastor's radio played in the background while you sat at the bar, a glass of something hard in your hand. Faintly you heard Charlie also laughing, sitting with her girlfriend who grinned at the blonde's reaction. Suddenly a song came on that you recognized, one from up on the surface. Your skin, pale from years dead, tingled and your ears perked up as you spun in your seat to face the Radio Demon. "Alastor! You know this one?!" you exclaimed, and it drew the grinning demon's attention to you. His menacing smile widened further somehow, and in a staticky voice stated "Why of course, darling! Who doesn't?" Angel Dust piped up with "I don't..." but you brushed them off as you smiled nearly as wide as Alastor. "I love this one!" you squealed, hands fisting happily in front of you as you began to sway along to the beat, still sitting down.

Before you could even blink, Alastor was in front of you with a clawed hand held out to you and what could be described as a smirk of sorts plastered on his face. "Then come, dance," he said, and you blushed and laughed nervously, shaking your head. "Oh no, I couldn't. I don't dance, Al!" You were the only one who could call the demon that without getting snapped at. But the guy wasn't deterred in the slightest and stood straight again, gesturing widely and tossing his mic stick up in the air where it disappeared with a snap! as he exclaimed "These are friends, darling! Surely you could make an exception." You sighed, but as the chorus hit you couldn't stop yourself from standing and beginning to bounce a bit. Alastor gave you an unimpressed look, but Angel Dust spoke before he could; "C'mon suga' tits, you can do better than that!" You groaned but were still smiling, and finally you let go. With a grin as wide as Alastor's you sang along with the song as you began to spin and shimmy to the beat. "Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone! The drummer boy from Illinois went crash boom bang!"

Charlie got up to dance with you then, even though she didn't know the song, but it was catchy and you were clearly having fun. She dragged Vaggie with her who sighed and allowed herself to be pulled. Alastor watched this all in amusement, Cheshire smile as present as ever. Your thin dress swirled around your legs as you hopped and spun with the song, until you spun towards the Radio Demon as you sang "I sure would be delighted by your company, c'mon and do the jailhouse rock with me!" You held out your hand expectantly with a challenging expression, but Alastor shook his head and said "No thank you, darling. I don't dance." You rolled your eyes. "Yeah that's what I said but look at me," was all you said before you had grabbed Alastor's hand and pulled him to his feet and onto the "dancefloor". The demon was much too dignified to yelp, but still let out a small noise that could've been mistaken for static, and his grin dimmed just a tad.

However it returned when he saw your huge smile, saw how much fun you were having as you twirled him about, Charlie and Vaggie doing the same. "For heaven's sake, no one's lookin', now's our chance to make a break!" At some point, you spun away and collected Vaggie into your grip as Charlie twirled to Alastor, who caught her easily and dipped the blonde casually before spinning her around on the spot, making her yelp, which dissolved into giggles. You watched her over Vaggie's shoulder for a moment, and saw her horns extend just a bit more, hair flaring out wildly, before you looked back to her girlfriend. Vaggie was less amused, but yours and Charlie's enthusiasm had some effect on her and even she had a small smile on her face as the two of you danced together. The last few "Jailhouse rock!"s played and you returned to Alastor, finishing the dance with him. Finally, the song petered out and faded to something you didn't recognize, so you stopped dancing, breathing heavily but still laughing breathlessly. Alastor was perfectly composed, as usual, but the rest of you were completely spent, and you clung onto Alastor's hand as you caught your breath.

Once you had, you took one last deep breath and looked up to the Radio Demon, who watched you with a curious sort of grin. You returned it, and before you could regret it, you place a kiss to his cheek, just next to his toothy smile. You felt him freeze under you and giggled at his shocked expression, eyes wide and staring straight ahead. "Thank you for the dance, Al," you whispered, and then floated away, wings fluttering on your back. Alastor watched you walk away intently, and if he could still blush he knew he would have.

--

@clinicallyinsaneteen deal with it

and @winters-witch-bitch this is the deer demon I'm in love with fixating on right now.

[notpulpcovers]

Al Rossi - "Jailhouse Blonde"