#Jackson being an artist in the book is nice as well

[luminol-of-the-stars]

The MH fixation is real

OMG THE G3 FINALE IS TODAYYY!!!

But anyway, I drew my G3 versions of Holt and Jackson (and Frankie!) and re-read the MH book. To be honest I think they'll change the personalities of the two so I kinda adjusted them to that.

A little bit of stuff I wrote for them:

They're meant to have an 80s vibe going for them? Not sure if it makes sense but I feel like the bright neon colors would work well with both of them.

Best friends (or maybe more?) with Deuce CAUSE I CAN AND NO ONE IS STOPPING ME

I changed the location of the Band-Aid on their faces because I thought there was too much going on the right side for both of them.

I realized I forgot about Jackson's bowtie in the last drawing, which in my opinion is a key part of his character design.

I feel like Holt would have a mixture of 2010s and 2020s music tastes but mainly 2020s cause ya know the show is meant for recent culture.

If anyone takes off his headphones he has AirPods underneath them so he is extra prepared if anyone takes them off without asking

I feel like balancing the character dynamics with the group as a whole is really important given what we have in the show. More original guys are planning to join the group, which is great! I love G3's chaotic characters (mainly Lagoona, but everyone is a tad bit chaotic), so I wanted Holt and Jackson to be equally as chaotic. I do want to keep some aspects of their characters though, like Holt's impulsiveness and Jackson's nerdy stuff.

I might make reference sheets of them soon because my G3 ideas have been rotating in my mind for A WHILE to make sure that they make sense in canon. I've already created some episode concepts but seeing as the series is moving onto season 2, I'll just have to wait a bit.

[hamliet]

hello hamliet, love your meta analysis and they always show me a different perspective. Would love to know your opinion on seperating the art from the artist, if it is possible and if so how to go about it?

A few principles:

Not everyone will reach the same conclusion about whether they are able to separate the artist and art, and that's okay. I can't listen to Michael Jackson. I know people who can. I do not judge them.

That said I guarantee you everyone does this separation for something, so don't throw stones.

Being able to separate it doesn't mean someone endorses an issue. I don't think people who listen to MJ are CSA apologists. Learn to separate what art resonates with people from their own personal morals.

Don't deny what the creator has done. I can't deny that JK Rowling is a toxic transphobe who seems dead set on destroying trans' peoples lives and I want her stopped. Or that Charles Dickens tried to have his wife locked up in an insane asylum to cover up his affair.

Don't fight against justice for the creator. Sorry, JK, but I hope Imane Khelif who is not even trans ends up taking you to the cleaners in court. I want her harmful rhetoric to be stopped. It'd be nice if she changed her mind and repented . Take your own advice JK about how remorse is the only way to put a torn soul back together, but it hurts terribly. But I'm not holding my breath and in the meantime transphobia needs to be stopped.

Competing needs are a thing. Sorry, I have never read a series that addresses losing a parent in the same way Harry Potter does. I have read other series' about this. I've never read one that resonates the same way. I love the series but I do acknowledge the author is actively harming people and make efforts to combat transphobia in my own life.

Be sensitive to the fact that people may feel differently. I'm not going to recommend Harry Potter to someone who is transgender or tell someone they absolutely should read it and must separate author from art. They don't have to. There are some things I can't separate.

Don't deny privilege playing a role in what you can separate and what you can't. It does, because we all have different lives and different triggers, and it's good to check privilege. But life is also really short. Live in the tension. Don't try to ignore it or deny it away.

Have those discussions that are uncomfortable.

No ethical consumption exists under capitalism. I've been mostly boycotting Nestle for... thirteen years now? But I don't think everyone who consumes Nestle is intending to say "oh well" to child slaves in Africa. These children matter just as much as trans children, don't they?

Learn everything about something and something about everything, to quote a professor I once had. Care about everything. Focus all your efforts on one or two causes. You can't save the world but you can help save something.

Acknowledge the reality that humans are contradictory. I think HP as a story has the opposite thematic message to a lot of her current rhetoric. Which isn’t to say it’s perfect.

Don’t fall prey to the stupidity of suddenly denying that art is good bc the author or singer is evil. Every time I see ppl trot out the Ursula Leguin quote on HP I lose brain cells because it is empathically clear that people taking that as some kind of prescient insight have never understood Leguin’s books nor HP nor the complexity and contradictoriness of humanity.

Which also isn’t to say it’s wrong to notice problematic elements in said works that may relate to the issue or may be unrelated. Do critique.

[connabeth]

mortal body, timeless souls

my very late entry into @pjo-hoo-bigbang. thank you to my wonderful betas @percyheartsannabeth and @annabethy and artist @flyingdonuuts, love u all very much.

percabeth study abroad au // ~20k // excerpt below

She shoots a quick text to Silena, letting her know she’s ready so they can meet up to go to the beach together. They’d booked a jet skiing tour for their first day in Greece, which in hindsight seemed like a poorly thought-out plan, considering sleep felt like the more tempting option.

The university-provided housing isn’t far from Sally’s home, thankfully. Annabeth is grateful for a familiar face to help her navigate through this.

She spots the raven-haired girl making her way towards her, red sunglasses resting atop her hair, bag slung one shoulder, cool refresher in the other hand.

“Hey, babe,” she greets, and Annabeth falls into pace beside her as they make their way out of the cluster of homes towards a busier street with yellow taxis.

“Hey, Lena. Is that a new suit? You look pretty,” Annabeth compliments.

Silena, being the friend that she is, recognizes Annabeth’s ulterior motive immediately. She rolls her eyes, offering her drink to Annabeth. “You could just ask for a sip, you know.”

Annabeth greedily takes more than a sip, feeling the cold slide down her throat and settle into her stomach. “I know,” she says cheerfully. “You really do look good.”

“Well, what else is new? How are things with,” Silena pauses, “uh, what was her name, Sarah? Sammy?”

“Sally,” Annabeth corrects.

“Yeah, her. Sally…Jackson, right?”

“Yup,” Annabeth confirms, settling down on a rocky overlook on the cobblestone path, feet a little worn from all the walking she’d done today. “She’s…nice. Like, really nice.” Annabeth picks at a loose thread on her coverup. “Kind, I mean.”

“That’s good.” Silena replies lightly.

“Yeah, she’s great,” Annabeth smiles wistfully. “Fed me a whole family-sized meal the moment I stepped through the door. God, you would not believe how good those cookies were, too. I’ll try to sneak you a couple sometime.”

“I knew I picked you for a reason,” Silena smirks for a second, then she sobers up. “But?”

“But?” Annabeth asks, brows furrowing.

“But?” Silena repeats, prodding. “What’s on your mind?”

Annabeth stares at the other girl for a long moment, admiring the way her hair catches the sunlight and her lips seem especially shiny today, ignoring the knowing eyes seeing right through her.

Annabeth sighs, relenting. “I don’t know. She’s lovely and inviting and generous. Hell, she even offered to pay for the cab fare to the beach. I got lucky.” Annabeth tucks her knees to her chest as close as she can hold them, forehead coming to rest on her thighs. She sighs again, admitting, “It’s a lot. I don’t—” Annabeth pauses to discreetly wipe a lingering tear that had sprung out of thin air against the fabric of her coverup. 

She feels Silena’s palm on her lower back, the contact radiating warmth that cocoons her entire body. Annabeth knows she understands.

“I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know how to act,” Annabeth confesses.

Her father, if he could even be called that, was never the most affectionate or doting. She could get on her knees in front of him and plead for his attention like a stray dog begging for scraps and she knows he wouldn’t look up from his war models and research papers. She haunted her own house like a disgraced, uninvited apparition, slipping in and out without so much as a glance. It’s why she ran away. She’d gotten more than used to living out one corner of that Virginia brownstone, speaking only when spoken to, taking up as little space as possible, her entire life ready to be packed into a single trunk with room to spare. She wasn’t okay with it, but it was her life and she’d long ago accepted it. But it didn’t feel like much of a life, a stranger in her own house, intruding on a family that wasn’t hers.

One conversation with her best friend at the time later, she’d taken his joking advice too seriously and evacuated the brownstone with $500 in cash stolen from her dad’s wallet and a backpack with enough water and clothes to last a few days. She’d left in the dead of night, but she hadn’t bothered being quiet—what difference would it make if her father wouldn’t have noticed either way. It was the best decision she’d ever made. Her father had reached out to her intermittently, too much to let the hurt ebb away over the years, not enough to show he cared that she’d packed up her life and started anew to escape him and his wife.

Her mother…she doesn’t know much about her mother. Annabeth’s a lot like her, she’s been told. With wistfulness. With disdain. She wonders if Frederick ever looked at Athena the same way he looks at her stepmother. His current marriage is all she’s ever really known. Not wanting to spend her formative years feeling like her soul belonged somewhere else, she’d filed for emancipation and moved to New York and made a home out of a ninety square foot cell in one of the only boarding schools they had in the city. So, really, Frederick isn't her father. She doesn’t think it makes a difference.

Silena pulls her from her thoughts. “Hey, it’s okay. You just need to get acclimated with your environment. Everything’s a little awkward the first time.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you met her kids yet?”

“Nope, not yet. Her daughter’s at swim practice and her son is out doing god knows what.”

“I think the part that terrifies me most about home stays is being the awkward outsider in the middle of a family argument. Like I would not know what to do with myself if she and her son got into a screaming match or something.”

“Thanks, I didn’t have enough to worry about.”

“No problem.” Silena grabs Annabeth’s arm and places it into her lap, fiddling with her palm. “But from what you said, that shouldn’t be an issue.”

“Yeah…she has, like, the most warm, nurturing energy. She fusses over you like a grandma but she honestly isn’t old at all. Pushing forty at the most.”

“Or she just has a flawless skincare routine.”

“Or being a good person means you don’t get wrinkles.”

“You should save money for Botox then.” Silena quips, already leaning away in defense of the incoming shove.

“Oh my god, wait, you know what?” Annabeth stops in her movement. “She had an American accent. I don’t know why that’s only now just registering but I guess I’m so used to hearing them, I didn’t notice.”

“So you think she’s from the states then?”

“I mean, probably. Maybe she moved here not too long ago.”

“Well, there you go. Maybe she’ll understand you more than you realize.”

“Maybe.”

Silena gives her hand a final pat and stands up, offering a hand to help her up. Annabeth takes it, stretching out her limbs and rolling her shoulders.

“So,” Silena starts, a devious smile playing at her lips. “Ready to ogle some sexy Greeks on the beach?”

“Not unless they look like Giannis.”

“That’s a tall ask.”

Annabeth shoots a deadpan stare and Silena’s cheeky expression. “One more pun and I’ll ram my jet ski into yours.”

Silena winces, “Ooh, babe, you don’t have the bank account to cover those damages. Or my funeral costs.”

“What if the break mysteriously stopped working?”

“Let’s be real, what would you do without me here? You wouldn’t last one week.”

“You think very highly of yourself.”

“How can I not? Look at me,” she says, flipping her hair.

“Your bikini bottoms are inside out.”

“What?” Silena scrambles to feel for the tag. “No they’re not, you cunt.”

Annabeth grins, hailing a taxi. They arrive on the beach and it’s fairly crowded, as expected, families gathered along the shoreline, paragliders riding the waves. The girls make their way towards the watersports booth where two guys are conversing over a sheet of paper. One is taller and stockier, built like a football player, his smile disarmingly charming. He probably wouldn’t hurt a fly. Not her type. The other guy standing next to him, black hair tousled from the salty breeze, is also tall, but on the leaner side. Annabeth tries not to stare too hard at the way his sunkissed biceps look as his elbows rest on the chipping wood of the booth, his head held in his palms.

Annabeth pointedly ignores the very sharp, very unnecessary elbow in the ribs from Silena.

“You seeing what I’m seeing?” Silena murmurs under her breath.

“I’m not seeing Giannis so….”

Silena rolls her eyes. “You’re impossible. Learn to appreciate the eye candy when it comes your way.”

“I don’t know, it kind of feels like we’re objectifying them,” Annabeth protests.

“We are.”

“Ok.”

continue reading

[cheeseandbretboy]

the painting i continued (from longer than a year ago) has too bright white highlights so i need to get rid of them AND quite possibly it would be nice to just give up and do whaeter and get on the train just ot look at all the stations i havent seen before nd cvt and listten to whip your kids on repeat again and again and have no money to afford to eat and find someone who is just so ?? and mean but not in that non self absorbed self absorbed way and stupid because everyone has too much to look forward to and too much to complain about and that makes everyone so yucky and hypocritical and ughghurejne me whenni have work tmr ALSO need to print out more movie photos AND anyone i meet gets so human and i get sick of them so easily but not myself so i will always be alone and thats a good thing unless im not listening to music then it is not so good bc i can hear my breathing an feel my skin also what even is life without music its just ------------------ no ty i do not want to be like amber or ritchie but oh i did thrift their shoes and also jasons but hes kind of an L WAIT that makes so much sense anyway that scene where they are walking in the store with the heavy combat boots that have been discontinued (why?) and a shotgun wow! imagine being tricked by a soda can what a loser anyway the sehleves ive built are really nice and after doing that with hands blistered and joints sore i realised i can fit everythign insdie it and oh god im gonna lose absolutely everything! and thn something even WoORSE hit me that none of this even means anytnign, what the flip, imagine this format will stop and we only live in the real world what then maybe just maybe musicals make sense and then i bash my head into my desk HOW COULD U FOR A SECOND THINK MUSICALS ARE OKAY blood is spurting just likein that scene in longlegs dilf, jokes no maybe nicholas cage hes too pasty this has gotten long uve recently discovered this rly underground and unpopular artist michael jackson yea nobodies really heard of him sigh WHY DO I HAVEA FRENCH BOOK OH GOD IM GOING TO HELL people should put everything ive ever ever made into a bible because that is all i am and i am so happy that is true so yea put this in as well and all my assigmnets and paintings and digital art from 2019 and old drawings and scribbles and south park doodles and short stories ad gore and all the deleted notes of measurrements (sigh why phone) and dont forget all the photos and the annotations i rubbed out later cuz they sounded dumb and too personal remember always to make ur writing as obscure as possible because people always look to make everything about them hey emotions are really stupid our brains are amazing at finding information so much of it but our conciousness is preoccupied with other stupid stuff like education and being horny so all we get is emotions that have been processed information so hey our thinking brain really is in the back seat and we cant change it yk im bnad! im bad! u knowit really really bad megamind... evan peters is eyeing me rn.. i did a really good job of diverting my mental problems its actually really good but i am hoping we can get back to them once they get fixed and maybe this dependence wiol go away too right maybe and wait a darn second are you telling me i wont find myself a tim burton anti hero what the flip unbelievable may i get a refund never sell your doc martens just break them in please the blisters and pus and blood will pass and they will be great i swear unless theyre the max platform types then u might have to keep getting pain but thats okay god dont tell me i need to work in the future although when i watched the movie for the 2nd time in cinemas there was 3 seconds where there was a doctor with a mask and wowww maybe i shld become one of those but i dontthink i have the right motivation maybe neurobiology maybe quantum mechanics mabe maybe even both like quantum mind god thats interesting but only after biology i need to get worried abt climate change and then realise OH MY GOD NOTHING MATTERS BUT OUR MINDS and thats

[decayingdreamer]

hello 🩶

🦗 i'm super new to how tumblr works, so unfortunately this won't be all pretty like i see in other posts, but i'll get there

🦷 this is just a little intro post. i'm not sure how much i'll post here, if at all, but i'm happy to be here

𐂯 name:

🐜 asphodel, aster, casper, critter, bug(s), and pretty much anything related to my interests. i'm not picky

『 i go by lots of names and nicknames because i can't pick one that fits me best 』

☾ pronouns:

⚰️ i use they/them, he/him, xe/xem, and it/its

『 i'm demiboyflux. i also use quite a few neopronouns and align with many xenogenders. i might include them at some point but i'll just leave these here for now 』

𐂯 sexuality:

🗡️ i am gay. not very picky about which specific term i use because there's lots that fit me. am boy, like boys 👍

『 i'm still not completely sure about this, but i suspect i'm on the aro or aroace spectrum somewhere 』

☾ more stuff:

🥄 i am neurodivergent. i am autistic, and i have avpd and others i don't wish to share right now. be warned, i am awkward

𐂯 my special interests are:

animals 『 especially insects 』

music 『 many, many, many artists and genres 』

pjo 『 percy jackson & the olympians, heroes of olympus, trials of apollo and all other standalone and companion books. i plan on reading other Riordan works as well 』

☾ my hyperfixations are:

animals 『 i almost always have at least one animal or type of animal i am focused on learning about 』

ancient history 『 this may be becoming a spin, but i'm not sure yet. i am specifically focused on ancient greece right now 』

motorhomes and other rvs / rv living 『 i am heavily interested in living in a motorhome 』

tv shows 『 i always have a safe show i am watching, often a show i have already seen, and i am almost always fixated on one or more shows. right now they are crazy ex-girlfriend and pokémon 』

𐂯 other interests:

alt fashion 『 i am heavily interested in trad goth, punk and other styles 』

witchcraft 『 i have been reading about it for a few years now and have some interest in practicing but due to lack of confidence in my beliefs i am not currently practicing 』

mental health and disability advocacy 『 i love learning about our weird brains and i'm always hoping to better my understanding and advocacy 』

activism 『 i am having trouble finding the balance of being proactive and not burning out 👍 i'm sure i'm not the only one haha 』

☾ extra:

🌈 i am a therian, an age regressor, and i have fictional attachments

『 due to controversy over terminology i just use this term. i don't feel the comfortable elaborating here, so if you don't know what i'm talking about sorry 』

🌘 there are many other things i don't have the energy to include right now, such as my favorite music, tv shows, books, etc. and many other interests i have, but maybe i will talk about those another time. it's nice to meet you

『 also, if you're a grammar freak, sorry, i'm never going to start using caps 🩶 』

[millylouedward]

November Reading Wrap Up 2023

Well folks, my favorite month of the year has come and gone. There's something about the quietness of November that fills me with peace. The leaves are well into turning orange and red and yellow. People start to stay indoors and avoid the cold. The sun leaves more quickly. This was my first November in Seattle, and overall it was a good one. I wrapped all of my Christmas presents early, had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with my girlfriend, finally watched Love, Actually, and spent a lot of time with my cats. I also went a little overboard and read seven books. That's right, SEVEN books. In one month. Cue Miley Cyrus Can't Be Tamed. 

There comes a time when an adult woman must regress to her childhood for reasons unbeknownst to scientists. Last month, I finally hit that point. It all started in September when I saw Rick Riordan speak at Benaroya Hall about his new Percy Jackson book, The Chalice of the Gods. Being around all these PJO fans got me thinking that I should reread the series before getting to the new book. So a few days later, I crept on over to eBay and found myself the OG copies of the PJO series. And to make it even better, it was four paperbacks and one hardcover, just like I used to own. At some point I guess I donated my original copies. But when the movie came out for The Lightning Thief in 2010, I ran (not walked) to the bookstore and bought the entire series. The Last Olympian was still only in hardcover at the time, so I bought it along with paperbacks for 1-4. No offense to the artist of the newer covers, but I just had to have the originals or else it wasn't the same. 

At this point, you might be thinking that I binged the series as soon as I got them, but you would be wrong. I fell into a short reading slump in October and couldn't bring myself to read anything. That was until I received the notification from my library that my ebook of The Woman in Me was available.

Warning: spoilers ahead for some books!

The Woman in Me - Britney Spears ★★★★★

Did I think this memoir was very well written? No. Did I describe it as a "fantastically written memoir" in my Goodreads review? Yes. I cannot stomach it when a celebrity (or anyone) writes a memoir that isn't somewhat chronological. It doesn't even have to be chronological if it follows a clear path along the timeline. Maybe we have two timelines that are divided as childhood ages 6-12 and adulthood ages 20-30 because similar events happened that led to the present. That is fine. What I don't like it when an author jumps from 26 to 7 to 13 to before they were born to 30 to 19 and back to 7. Britney does not do this. She writes chronologically, and for how chaotic her life story is, it paid off. She both reflects on her pain and gives narrative accounts. Frankly, it was a vibe, and I'm a sucker for memoirs so this was always going to be a highly rated read from me. #FreeBritney.  

PJO: The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan ★★★★☆

This is where my PJO reign of terror commences. At first, it was sweet and innocent. I started reading this in October, but then put it down after 40 pages to read library books. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get into the story again. I mean, I read this series when I was 12 and I'm 26 now, and very much not the target audience. Nonetheless, after binging the Britney memoir, I was back in the game and I gobbled this book up like a turkey. Can I just say I had no memory of reading more than half the stuff in this book. Like I couldn't even remember how it ended. I only recalled the main plot (stolen lightning bolt) and there being a mattress store. Crusty's Water Bed Palace turned out to be way more horrifying than I remember. And the Underworld waiting room made me feel constrained and anxious in the best way. Ugh, I loved this book.

PJO: The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan ★★★★☆

Full disclosure, TSOM was always my least favorite book in this series. I didn't remember why. I still don't. But I think it's because it's orange and the eye freaks me out. I'm a blue girlie. But this book was amazing. I read Atalanta by Jennifer Saint a while back and it made this book come to life in a new way for me. Sooo many of the characters and monsters of Atalanta made appearances in the Sea of Monsters. The part where Annabeth wants to hear the songs of the sirens and Percy has to literally jump overboard to stop her, then protect her in an underwater bubble of air had me screaming crying throwing up. I am a Percabeth shipper for LIFE.

PJO: The Titan's Curse - Rick Riordan ★★★★★

I always said The Titan's Curse was my fave in this series. It's probably because there's a horse on the cover (sort of). At this point, I am well into Project Reignite Milly's PJO Obsession. When I tell you I sprinted all the way to the Link after finishing TSOM at work, I was seriously running. I barreled through the door of my apartment, ran to my bookshelf, and grabbed TTC. I made a drinky drink (an apple cider chai) and began my descent into this book. I did not stop reading for basically an entire day. And as I reached the halfway point of November, I was actually gripping my seat because of the wild ride I was on. I was reading this while googling flights to Nevada so I could see the Hoover Dam. I want to go to the dam snack bar. And get some dam fries. And fight off a dam monster. 

PJO: The Battle of the Labyrinth - Rick Riordan ★★★★☆

I'll admit that I never much cared for TBOTL either. It's because the cover is red. Again, warm tones are not my vibe, and apparently neither is being trapped. I was actually afraid to fall asleep at night when I started this book. I have literally had panic attacks from being trapped before. The whole getting lost inside an endless labyrinth is soooo not my jam nor toast. Not even my eggs or bacon. But I still had a good time rereading this. Also, the Percabeth kiss LITERALLY had me weeping and throwing my book across the room with joy. 

Girlfriend on Mars - Deborah Willis ★★☆☆☆

Let me get one thing straight, I thought this book wouldn't be. Straight, that is. I don't know why, but I had it in my head that this was going to be about lesbians on Mars as part of a reality show. I thought it would be silly and gay. Who lied to me??? WHO?? This book sucked. I'm so serious, it was trash to me. If you like My Year of Rest and Relaxation, or The Bell Jar, Girlfriend on Mars is up your alley because all this book is is two annoyingly mentally unwell people making everyone else's lives suck because they won't go to therapy. And to make it worse, they're both cishet. There were things to like about this book, like the realness of it. It was so horribly true to what I imagine would happen if some douche mcgee billionaire sent innocent stupid reality stars to outer space without the guidance of a real astronaut. Aside from that, I hated the plot holes, the characters, the inconsistent grammar, the pop culture references. I went on a walk with my girlfriend a couple days after finishing this book and I kept hearing myself say, "And another thing I hated about Girlfriend on Mars was..." I just cannot contain my distain for this book. Deborah Willis please keep your literature far away from me. 

Tell Me Everything - Minka Kelly ★★★★★

And here we are at the conclusion of November and my manic reading frenzy. Minka Kelly's memoir was the breath of fresh air I needed. It literally cured every annoyed bone in my body after the hate crime that was Girlfriend on Mars. This memoir was so good that if it was a bowl of soup I was plunging myself into it like I was shredded chicken. The prose! The dialogue! The scene setting! I swear, this narrative is so whimsical I wanted to do a little dancey dance every time I read a perfectly written paragraph. Now, I was totally expecting Minka to tell us a lot about her acting career. I am a huge Detroit: Become Human fan and hoped to hear about her time on that set. Instead, this was all about her childhood, and I ate it up anyway. Her story is devastating, heartbreaking, and yet so gripping. Memoir fans, y'all got to go get this one right now I tell you! 

I'm writing to you from my office right now, and it's about time for me to go home. I'm reading Iris Kelly Doesn't Date right now and all I can say is I'm anticipating a very high rating from this one. Definitely going to write an entire post about the Bright Falls series because my gay self is literally swooning over Ashley Herring Blake's characters. Ugh. 

Also, this a new blog and my first post! I've been active on Goodreads for a couple years and I wanted to expand my reading into blog format where I can say a bit more about my love of books. I'll be posting here on the reg, but still staying active on Goodreads!

[ronmanmob]

Engrossed in her spoken words and all they conveyed, Ron didn't react quite in time with her shift in current; her offer of a seat. He was a step or so beyond her bench before he was turning towards her, just enough to imply, God forbid, the opposite of truth to the uninitiated; that he hadn't been listening, hadn't been attentive to her, where the reality was the polar opposite of that. Being so attentive with one sense that others lagged behind wasn't a new ripple in Ron's pool. It didn't phase him, the need to sharp-quarter-turn to face her, to catch that question-

"You would sit wi' me?"

"--Yes."

That word was late as well, but he was catching up quickly; settled himself beside the neat and tidy prim and proper princess looking lady on her bench in the gardens of his prison with the same kind of firm-jointed control and purpose he walked with when he wasn't on an amble with a visiting fae. They didn't call him Colonel here - likely weren't allowed to - but he'd never lost the airs that'd earned him that moniker. There were pencils less straight than the line of his back as he sat. And when he moved to look at her, it was almost as if a clockwork man was coming to life - slight, tense increments leftwards managed - ten, twenty, thirty degrees - 'til she had him half-turned to face her, his head inclined just so; practiced, like that by inches shift round was, to telegraph attentiveness through body-talk.

"--I seen C'lumbia in th'paper."

On time now, usual conversation resumed apace; the change in tides settling, letting Ron add a smile's implication to his commentary. "Know'a tha' lad's music off th'radio-" That Lad being Michael Jackson. "-Mus' fill clubs, them sahnds. Music scene mus' be sumfin' else now. Was even back when I ran it in Lahndan, b'fore all this new-" A brief reprieve to seek the right word. "Genres." There it was. "New genres."

There was less overstatement in Ron's mention of running London's music scene than the doctors behind the red brick walls would've had his dainty companion believe. He'd hardly been a mogul, but what came with owning a good portion of the best spots in the West End was a closeness to the artistic class that populated them, and with that closeness came contacts. A lot could be said in the negative about Ron Kray's nature, but one thing that couldn't was that he was tripe as a negotiator; as a maker of connections. His little black book, as he was apt to say, weren't li'le. And it weren't in the police's hands either, by 'n by.

"--Didn't know abaht th'doctahs though." Medical literature was denied him here, for reasons he'd yet to parse into sense. "Tha's wondahful news...Very good ...S'a good kinda new." Up flickered his smile again, one corner of his lips twitching a fraction, holding there, then relaxing.

"Ain't got no...old fings so nice, I don't fink. Not so..." Another slight pause for language. "-'Elpful t'people like new 'earts 'n space shuttles. Growin' up where I did..." A snuffle escaped. "We weren't wealfy, 'n it was jus' aftah th'war too. Got evacuated, me 'n me bruvvahs 'n me mum...Aht t'Suffolk..."

His train of thought petered out there, came to rest on a youth he remembered more through stories than lived experience now. Whatever it was they made him take here'd eaten away at so much, but it hadn't stolen his wit. Not all of it at least. What she'd asked of him was asked back kindly. "--Need bettah boundaries so I c'n pick a good old bit f'yah. Wha'd interest yah t'know abaht?"

Were it anyone else and Beth would struggle under the weight of feeling mocked or insecure about whether she'd been heard properly in context. There are certain mannerisms Ron has that she's gleaned by virtue of simply listening to him hard as she might. Some are alien to her, some are the same as her own and she recognises these little habits for what they are. He finds what she said humorous and has laughed. And he laughs because he knows exactly what she means even if it isn't elegantly spoken. A visceral image that can be felt even if it's not being made in the moment. She's seen it on both sides, feeling the muscles in her face forming the expression, watching it in Andy's when she's said or done something he disapproves of on principle. She hasn't really seen it in Ron's, between the lines and the sometimes sallow tone to his skin that tells her he hasn't been getting out much as he ought. Her brother isn't the only one who instinctively wants to heal the wounds of the world. Hers is just much smaller than his. She continues to amble along side of him. Sometimes so closely she becomes a parallel shadow, that her fingers brush his. Brush his coat. Little warm icebergs in the sea of cool air around them. She knows better than to try and hold her prince's hand, but the temptation is there. A hundred little day dreams live and die in the space between their steps. She doesn't tell him that she's not as certain as she may sound, either. Her brother is the one with his incorruptible faith in the Almighty, but Beth? She has questions. She has fears and doubts and none of those three things are given space to actually be asked, felt, sorted through. So what she has to have is faith in her brother. She watches how he says that they share something intangible, a connection like permanent honi. She doesn't feel like that with most people, no matter how hard she tries to befriend them. She nods because calling attention to what she thinks might dispel the magick. Beth knows that Ron isn't really a prince, and this isn't really an enchanted castle, but letting herself pretend so makes it easier not to hurt for him. She knows some of the details about his case; not the diagnosis, but rather why he is in a secure facility and she's not really sure she really understands it. Yes, what he did was bad. But there have been worse things, worse violence with far less press, with far less sentencing. Beth has to wonder if maybe the courts here were actually afraid of Ron. Not because sometimes his mind tries to trick him, not because they don't how he needs to be treated but because of something else that she can't quite put her finger on. The same way her brother thinks of her as a fragile porcelain doll. He pulls her up from her morass with both hands strong in his words. "You're such a gentleman," she says and smiles without it really creeping through the rest of her. She too was raised better, and doesn't curse at all. Not out loud any way. His question was a curious one, and she takes a moment to consider what exactly a new thing might be. "Like…NASA launched a space ship called Columbia, new …or… Dat a brilliant team of doctahs invented an artificial heart…or like dere's an absolutely gnarly new album out from Michael Jackson. It's called T'riller… an Beat it, an' Billie Jean are two of my favourite songs. Need…need beddah boundaries, I guess." She walks on a few more feet and then turns away slightly to seat herself on the little bench at the path's edge. She is quite prim in doing so, smoothing down her long skirt and tucks one foot behind the opposite ankle, much as if she were a duchess or queen about to receive courtly company. She pools her hands in her lap and turns her face up to his own. "You would sit wi' me?"

[racetrackhigg]

Modern Newsies AU

jack “cowboy” kelly-larkin

he’s 17

he wants to be an artist

his school does a huge art exhibition at the end of the year and he often participates

he usually helps build sets for the theatre

was given up at birth

he grew up in the foster system but ended up getting adopted by medda at 14

very protective of race and crutchie, his foster brothers

his last foster parent was william snyder and he was horrible to him

plays the guitar

he’s failing most of his subjects at school

he started dating david a few months after he transferred to school

he has synesthesia

he has 2 very close friends, henry and finch

he’s the captain of the football team

absolutely despises spot conlon

hes bisexual

antonio “racetrack” higgins-larkin

he’s 15

he used to live in italy with his parents, but moved to the US after his mom died when he was 8

he was taken into the foster system only a year later, and placed in the same foster home as jack

he’s been figure skating since he was 6 and wants to go to the olympics someday

he does pretty well at school, especially maths and physics

he’s dating spot

he was adopted by medda when he was 13

he knows the entire shrek script by hard

he has adhd and dyslexia

albert is his best friend

his general friend group is jojo, albert, specs, and romeo

his favorite album is electra heart by marina

he read the handmaid's tale after david recommended it to him and loved it

his favorite movies are the conjuring movies

struggled with an ed for a while

has 2 pet ferret, a while one named cheesecake and a brown one named gary

charlie “crutchie” morris-larkin

their 14

they love photography and filming

wants to be a director someday

is allergic to peanut butter

their favorite food is pasta

very close friends with elmer

their pansexual and non-binary

was adopted by medda when they were 12

absolutely loves reading, their favorite book series is percy jackson

their parents died in a car crash when they were 10 and they were sent to the foster system

they were almost adopted once but the couple got pregnant and gave them away

they’re a top student at school

their very popular- but a nice type of popular, everyone loves them

they met jack and race after being adopted by medda

david “davey” jacobs

he’s 17

used to live in in boston, then in france, and then his parents moved to manhattan for his dad’s work

he met jack kelly and quickly became friends with him, and it didn’t take long for him to catch feelings

he’s trans and bisexual

he’s the top student in his class

he met jack because he was tutoring him

his favorite subject is english

he wants to be a writer

he loves reading, and often exchanes book recommendations with crutchie

one of his favorite books is the handmaid’s tale

he’s twins with sarah

he’s on the debate team

became good friends with darcy and bill, after his sister introduced him to katherine and she introduced him to them

often helps les with his homework, but les tries to trick him into just doing it for him (it never works)

his favorite song is “achilles come down”

has anxiety

sean “spot” conlon

he’s 16 years old

lives with his mom and little sister after his dad went to jail

is the captain of the football team

goes to the rival school than the others

hates jack

he met race through jack and despite that became good friends and eventually started dating

he wants to be a lawyer

he’s very good at biology and chemistry

learned how to ice skate to try and impress race

he matched as (movie) ed and lorraine warren with race for halloween, he was ed and race was a lorraine

he loves panic! at the disco

is in a band

smalls is his little sister, she’s 6

his best friends are hotshot, joey, and graves

plays the piano and drums

albert “red” dasilva

he’s 15

he has 2 older brothers

he lives with his dad after his parents got divorced, his mom isn’t in the picture

he plays ice hockey

he’s bisexual

he skates on his skateboard a lot

he plays the drums

he doesn’t like spot at all

he wants to be a doctor

he’s very good at biology and chemistry

he decided to take french to learn a new language and he failed miserably

next year he didn't learn his lesson and took italian but this time asked race for help

his favorite movie is back to the future

loves 80s music

has an orange cat named stinky

katherine “ace” pulitzer

katherine is 17

she’s dating sarah

her best friends are bill and darcy

she dated jack for a few weeks before she realised she was a lesbian

her mom died when she was 9

she started dating sarah soon after she moved to her school

she used to go to a private school but her dad let her go there after bill and darcy moved schools

her father doesn’t support her so she had to move out after she came out

she lives with her aunt now

her favorite book is frankenstein

she loves classic literature

she wants to be a reporter or a writer

she’s a top student at school, constantly competing with david

her favorite food is sushi

sarah “saz” jacobs

she’s 17

she’s best friends with jojo and romeo

she loves vintage fashion

wants to be a fashion designer

her favorite movie is the devil wears prada

has a youtube channel where she analysis the clothes in the movies, or fashion throughout different eras

she’s bisexual

her gay awakening was the evil queen from snow white (when she was pretty)

she helped set up jack and david

her favorite food is pizza

she tried to be vegan but failed after a day and never tried again

she used to do ballet as a kid but dropped it

she loves going on picnic dates with katherine

she isn’t a huge fan of reading but she absolutely loved red queen

has a bird named lily

[joshjacksons]

Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)

Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”

The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.

“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”

And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.

His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.

“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”

If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”

Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.

“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”

Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”

The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”

It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.

But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”

It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”

Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.

“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”

Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.

“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”

Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.

“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”

Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.

The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”

A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.

“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”

Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’

“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”

Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.

“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”

[caffeinated-croissant]

Blue, Red Black and Infinity

This is my submission for @writersmonth ‘s pride collection. The prompt was to write using all the colors of a flag. I chose the Polyamorous flag with a story featuring Jason Grace, Percy Jackson, and Rachel Dare.

Jason Anderson Grace and Rachel Elizabeth Dare were artists. They each had their own preferences of mediums, styles, and inspiration. Jason preferred his sketchbooks, his ink, his charcoal and his oil pastels. Rachel on the other hand loved acrylic paint, canvas, water color, and chalk. Jason’s style tended to be more realistic in nature while Rachel took on the approach of abstract and full of color that maybe never was there but always should’ve been. Most of Jason’s inspiration comes from the influences around him and what he metaphorically consumes in content. Rachel takes her inspiration as it comes to her, maybe it’ll be a dream or a random thought or maybe the world just speaks to her long enough for something to form. 

Between Rachel and Jason there was one thing they could easily agree to in terms of art, their boyfriend Percy Jackson was a fucking masterpiece and he was the perfect surface to work together with their art. 

Right now in their three bedroom apartment, Percy was sitting on one of the special chairs in the shared art studio as Rachel and Jason used his chest as a canvas. Rachel was sitting to his left on a cushioned stool while Jason was over on his right sitting on a matching stool. They were both using non-toxic paint/ paint markers while listening to a playlist Percy had made for them. 

“Is this a together project or two separate pieces?” Percy asked them as his eyes wandered around the studio with so many different pieces, some finished, others works in progress, and a small portion currently discontinued. 

“It’s gonna be a singular piece.” Jason answered not bothering to look up and lose his concentration of whatever he was. 

Percy didn’t have to see what it was for him to know it would turn out breathtaking. “What is it?” 

“It’s just a little something we’ve been working on as a surprise.” Jason barely glanced up but in that split second of eye contact Percy could feel himself getting lost in the ever changing blue of the sky. It could shift from a blue mixed with dark grays and tinged with purples, into a baby blue tinted with silvers and grays and finally into the shade it was now: the deep clear blue of the summer sky. These were Percy’s favorite shades of his long time favorite color. 

=

“Rachel, why are your initials the only ones that make any sense?” Percy was lying in the middle of the bed and staring up into the popcorn ceiling void of their apartment. Jason was curled next to him with his arm firly locked around Percy’s waist. Rachel was on his other side partially ready for the day and partially distracted with new painting ideas. 

She glanced over and tilted her head at him, “What do you mean?”

“Out of all our initials, only yours makes any sense. Mine go like pej or P.E.J and both sound weird. Jason’s are jag which sounds like jagged or they end up as J.A.G which also sounds weird. But then your initials go and make the word red, like your hair.” 

“I dunno but I guess I’m just special like that,” she laughed before getting up to finish getting ready. 

“With the craft fair coming up next weekend, do you want me to run by the craft store and get anything?”

“That would honestly be great, I need more of those jars and the red paint you got a while ago.”

“Alright then, when Jason wakes up I’ll write everything down and head out.” He pulled her in for a soft kiss.

=

The rooftop of their apartment was not Percy’s first choice for a date but as it turns out it definitely isn’t the worst idea that was ever thought of. And as long as they all stayed away from the edge Percy knew he’d be fine and so would his lovers. 

The date itself was Jason’s idea and he set it all up to surprise Rachel and Percy. He set out blankets and cushions from the apartment to make a comfy little nest for them all. They ended up watching the movie Tangled together with Jason sitting in the middle. When the movie started playing the song I See The Light Jason looked up from the movie and over to the loves of his life on either side of him. They were both somewhere between attentive and close to nodding off. 

Jason gave a soft kiss to Rachel’s forehead, expecting to be able to place a soft kiss in the dark curls on his other side. Instead Rachel blinked up at him before shifting to lay on top of him and make out.

As the song finished they broke apart before shifting further to see Percy easily curled into Jason’s side, more asleep than awake. The pair glanced at each other before Rachel gave a mischievous smirk. 

Jason shook his head, already having an idea of what she wanted to do. 

Rachel gave him a light kiss on the nose before moving her attention to her new target. 

In order to at least try and stop Rachel before she pounced, Jason wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed her right against him. 

Rachel was not complacent in being physically held down, not when a perfectly kissable Percy was right next to her, and so she struggled and wrestled with the one armed Jason. Naturally they both became absorbed in the fight as it escalated to the point where Jason started using both his arms. They rolled around on the roof for a bit each trying to pin the other, until finally Rachel was sitting on top of him with both of his arms pinned to his side. 

She was already breathing heavily as she leaned down to kiss him, when they once again broke apart she remembered why they were wrestling. Looking over she saw her other lover sitting up still looking half asleep. He was wrapped up in what looked like one of Jason’s oversized hoodies, and his black curls were messier than usual. 

Rachel glanced down at Jason before trying to book it over to Percy. That did not work nearly as well as she hoped, considering now it was a free for all race and, as long as no one got hurt, sabotage was fair game. 

The race was not long lived but was eventually won by Jason who easily pulled Percy into his lap and kissed him. As the nice girlfriend (and sore loser) she was, Rachel of course started trying to tickle them both; and let it be known to the world Jason and Percy were both very ticklish but so was she. Jason and Percy were forced apart by Percy’s breathless giggles. Jason of course took his revenge and their war began again this time as a free for all in a lawless land.

The fight was long and left them exhausted. But left them with certain highlights like Jason being ganged up on by Rachel and Percy, or at the end when Percy started laughing so hard he had to wave a white flag as his chest hurt. After the white flag was called they all paused to collapse next to one another and catch their breath. 

“Guys, look up at the moon tonight,” Percy said, trying to point out the full moon above. 

“It’s huge!” Jason pointed out. 

“That's cause tonight’s a super moon.” 

“What’s that mean?” Rachel asked, looking over at Percy. 

“Basically that it’s a full moon and this is the closest the moon will be to the earth this year.”

The trio didn’t talk very much after that, instead studying a combination of each other and the inky black of the night sky with its infinite stars.

[bison-appreciation-club]

Favourite colour and why? blue. it's so comforting and relaxing. also lilac, teal and green.

Five comfort movies: i think i've watched about five movies in my entire life, so this should be easy. the paddington films are the ultimate comfort movies for me (i'm counting them as one film). also back to the future, annie oakley (the 1935 version, NOT the musical) and night at the museum. i know this isn't really a film, but ken burns' documentary 'the west' was such a comfort watch for me, until it wasn't. i don't think i could watch it again. it went from being so relaxing to soul destroying. i was heartbroken by the end.

Favourite season and why? autumn. i love the colours of the leaves and how crunchy they are when they fall down. the smell of bonfires. my favourite festival: samhain!

Favourite book(s): a century of dishonor by helen hunt jackson. the lord of the rings trilogy by j.r.r tolkien. circe by madeline miller. i read so many books it's hard to choose but i think those are my top three as they also sum up pretty well the things i actually read. 1066 and all that is always a good read too.

favourite aesthetic(s)and why? i have a whole aesthetics blog, so i am a BIG aesthetics girlie. i like naturecore, dark cottagecore, warmcore and whismygothic, and i went through a cowboycore phase too. we don't talk about it

Favourite genre and why? of fiction books - probably fantasy or cosy crime. of tv shows - i mostly watch non fiction.

Favourite clothes style: i love finding outfits that look both historical and modern. i have a lot of blue dresses in a style i can only describe as 'casual victorian'. think of little house on the prairie. most of the time my outfits comprise of tracksuit bottoms, baggy shirts and hoodies.

Favourite music genres: l listen to most music genres and i can't choose. probably folk

Favourite artists: this is going to be a motley crew, but here goes: pet shop boys, five iron frenzy, steeleye span, will wood, hozier. yeah, that's quite a lineup

Favourite song(s): probably something that i was sung as a young child (i'm nostalgic like that). wand'rin' star is the one that comes to mind. shenandoah and wild mountain thyme too

Favourite fandoms: i think the only fandom i'm actually active in is bbc ghosts

Hobbies: writing (sometimes), reading, researching, walking, drawing, painting, creating moodboards

Care language you give: listening to people. and hopefully giving good advice

Care language you like to receive: gentle hugs, and people listening to me talk about my interests

Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert: introvert

Morning or night person? night. i'm definitely a night owl. most mornings i'm either asleep or wishing i was.

City, country or suburbs and why? country, but veering more towards suburbs. i live in the suburbs, but it's still super busy as i live right next to a main road and near a motorway, and it would be nice to live somewhere quieter and calmer. i love nature too, so living in the country would be lovely. i'd still want shops, a doctor's, a library, etc in walking distance tho. maybe a large village?? my grandparents live in a large village and it has the nature AND the shopping facilities!! (it recently opened the cutest little cafe too)

Favourite time of day and why? 5-6 pm. it's a good tome to go walking

Do you have any religious beliefs(don’t have to answer if not comfortable)? celtic reconstructionist pagan. but i don't really actively participate in worship. it's just a nice thing to have around

What does your ideal family look like to you? me, a partner (romantic relationship or qpr?? idm), a larger pet and a smaller pet (like a cat and a rat?? mostly because i love both but partially because the words rhyme)

Dream future: ooh, that's a tricky one. hmm. idk, the future is intangible, and my wishes change with time, so i think to set my heart on something that has not yet happened is to set myself up for disappointment. i would like to have a big house though.

Dream place to visit: i'd love to visit denver! you all probably know that by now *sigh*. i'd also like to visit iceland, or go back to norway again. i'd like to go to the south of france too.

Favourite type of nature: all of it

Favourite habitat (eg jungle, desert, tundra etc): deciduous forests

How would you describe yourself in 4 words: what did you say?

If you could be another thing on earth what would it be: tree. *chanting softly* tree tree tree

Favourite type of weather: balmy summer evening

If you could travel anywhere right now where would it be: denver :]

Do you have any fears (serious or otherwise): the steady march of time.

Dream job: telly historian

Would you be a pirate/vampire/cowboy/astronaut/werewolf/wizard/witch/knight/cryptid and why? COWBOY COWBOY COWBOY hehe. no competition there i'm afraid. i don't think i could be trusted with magic, or with a boat, or with going into space. i like the cowboy look, and i'm interested in american history

gosh, that was long. tagging @gooseberry--fool, @veradragonjedi and @justanothercatastrophe (i'd love to get to know you better)

@its-a-hare-pom-pom thank you for the tag!!

Favourite colour and why? blue - it reminds me of the sea, it feels calm and sad but happy too. I like the sound of the word. I also love pink, because it's a happy and bright.

Five comfort movies: i don't really watch movies...

Favourite season and why? winter! i like when it's cold and you can wrap up in blankets; i like those really cold mornings and cold nights and the frost and ice; less people are out when you go to parks/outdoor places; there are several things that can't happen in winter and those things give me anxiety; i have work and while it's stressful, it's not intense like other parts of the year

Favourite book(s): Villette by Charlotte Bronte, Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte are my top three

favourite aesthetic(s)and why? I think 'cottagecore' is pretty cute, or like, space aesthetics or 'arty' ones - oh, and like, horribly gaudy rainbow ones. Idk all the proper names but those ones just appeal to me

Favourite genre and why? It depends on what it is, but I'll talk about books because TV tastes are just - random. With books, I like 'literary' fiction, classics, historical fiction and short stories too? I guess I like the analyse stuff when I read, to look at the layers and structures, and I find those genres lean more easily towards that.

Favourite clothes style: honestly shifts between girly dresses and fluffy coats to dungarees, oversized shirts and DMs

Favourite music genres: most of my favourite artists fit under the 'indie' category somewhere

Favourite artists: Florence and the Machine, The Killers, The Wombats, King Princess

Favourite song(s): King by Florence and the Machine and Battle Born by The Killers

Favourite fandoms: BBC Ghosts ❤

Hobbies: writing, drawing, reading, walking

Care language you give: acts of service, I guess? or being a willing listener? idk

Care language you like to receive: willing listeners?

Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert: introvert

Morning or night person? i'm less anxious in the morning but i'm also awake most of the night so...

City, country or suburbs and why? suburbs. basically, i like where i live, the balance between having green space but also having easy access to towns/shops/cities

Favourite time of day and why? between 8:30 and 9:30pm, because day anxiety is over and night anxiety hasn't fully begun

Do you have any religious beliefs(don’t have to answer if not comfortable)? not really

What does your ideal family look like to you? me, a gf and many many guinea pigs? maybe a daschund (if i get over the fear of dogs)? and friends too? (and ofc some of my actual family now)

Dream future: no idea, can't see a thing

Dream place to visit: I'd love to go to Geneva, Brussels or Iceland, but realistically, I'd just like to go back to Haworth or Lulworth (or, lbr, the Isle of Wight)

Favourite type of nature: I like flowers, the sea and cliff tops

Favourite habitat (eg jungle, desert, tundra etc): the ocean and forests

How would you describe yourself in 4 words: awkward, anxious, serious, creative?

If you could be another thing on earth what would it be: something inanimate, like a rock

Favourite type of weather: sunny but cool (or snow, but i feel bad for saying that 😁)

If you could travel anywhere right now where would it be: Haworth

Do you have any fears (serious or otherwise): everything? dogs, house fires, burglary, the future, people in those mascot costumes, social interactions etc.

Dream job: who knows

Would you be a pirate/vampire/cowboy/astronaut/werewolf/wizard/witch/knight/cryptid and why? cowboy, i guess. i like the hats

I'll tag @sonnet-of-anarchy @thelastplantagenet @thatgordongirl @breitzbachbea @athelstan-anglecyning if you want to do it

[astarfilledsea]

got tagged by the lovely @sunsetsswerve 💖ty lovely

tag 9 people to know more about their interests, hobbies, etc. (no pressure!):

feel free to just look at my answers, dear friends :)) tagging @wistfullullabies @buckleys-diaz @ronanlyneh @eijunes

MUSIC

fav genre? it depends on my mood really, whatever im feeling is what i’ll put on but i do listen to pop/pop punk and alt rock lol not recently tho

fav artist? does this include bands? im gonna say yea: pvris / paramore / fob / dermot kennedy / jonas bros / halsey / hozier / bad suns / bts to name a few 

fav song? good to be alive - pvris is one of many

most listened song recently? your eyes tell - bts / b s&t orchestral cover

song currently stuck in your head? i was singing airplane pt. 2 earlier

fav lyrics? it’s just a spark, but its enough to keep me going / and when its dark out, no one’s around, it keeps glowing - last hope by paramore

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume | slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? fantasy / also really depends on what im feeling atm / also do enjoy manga as well

fav writer? i have a couple but i’ll say v schwab / erin morgenstern

fav book? too many, next q

fav book series? percy jackson / the raven cycle : those two are just....they’re books that i know i can go back to again and again and still love them also soc duology is good

comfort book? see above answer 

perfect book to read on a rainy day? oooh anything, really - leaving that

fav characters? percy jackson / ronan lynch

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? here are some random ones bc i cant tell you 5 from just one:

the dam quote from titan’s curse

"In that moment, Blue was a little in love with all of them. Their magic. Their quest. Their awfulness and strangeness. Her raven boys."

"Plenty of humans were monstrous, and plenty of monsters knew how to play at being human."

“Strange isn’t it? To love a book. When the words on the pages become so precious that they feel like part of your own history because they are. It’s nice to finally have someone read stories I know so intimately."

“"Kaz leaned back. "What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?" "Knife to the throat?" asked Inej. "Gun to the back?" said Jesper. "Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina. "You're all horrible," said Matthias."

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator  | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? animation, comedy

fav movie? how to train your dragon is one of the many

comfort movie? she’s the man (even tho its been a long while since ive seen it)

movie you watch every year? i try to watch olive the other reindeer every year, its weirdly one of my fav christmas movies 

fav tv show? haikyu / diamond no ace / shadow & bone / vincenzo (even tho i have to finish it) 

comfort tv show? haikyu

most rewatched tv show? haikyu 

ultimate otp? vincenzo and the gold underneath that building / i feel like id answer this better if i watched more tv/movies but imma be real, i have not seen much of both

5 fav characters? see fav tv show, everyone in there is my fav

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Kingdom Collisions IV

This is a fic i’m writing to incorporate more descriptions into my writing. Updates are sporadic as i don’t have chapters written in advance. I hope, however, you enjoy what is here :)

masterlist

P.S. ardor means flame in latin; cielo means sky in spanish

Jason Grace is tired. So so tired. Exhaustion is a weight pressing into his bones. He doesn't know why he snapped at Percy. His patience is usually an infinite string wrapping around his throat and tying a bow against his collarbone. But every part of him feels out of place. He stares at the mirror mounted to the wooden wall, stares at it until his eyes cross. But he doesn't recognize the person staring back.

They have the same blonde hair and blue eyes. The same tall, half-gangly half-lean frame. And the wonky glasses. But they don't have the spark that glitters in his eye. Or the dancing fingers that constantly needed to be entertained. No, those fingers lay limp at his side.

He sighs and moves to collapse onto his bed. At the very least the silk sheets are blissfully cool under his skin. When they had first got to the cabin he had been surprised at the sheer lack of opulence. In all his years of being a Prince and visiting every castle and vacation-home known to man he thought he had a pretty good idea about what royalty was like. But Crown Prince Percy Jackson and Queen Sally Jackson continue to surprise him. When they had insisted on a small wedding, consisting of no more than what was needed to officiate a royal ceremony, or when Queen Sally had pulled him aside after their dinner the night before and hugged him tight enough to stop his air flow.

"I am sorry Jason," She looked at him, her sea blue eyes glistening with unshed tears, "That you have to give up so many of your own choices. I hope one day, you will find peace and happiness despite the circumstances."

He had thanked her but her words, even now, puzzles him to the point of headaches.

Why did she care what happened to him? And why did she think he didn't have any choices?

His kingdom is as much a part of this agreement as theirs. All these questions buzz incessantly in his mind enough that he feels the low throb of a migraine at the base of his skull. Immediately, he pushes himself off the bed and gets into an ice cold shower. On top of everything, he doesn't need to be sick.

The shower beats against his back as he gets lost in his thoughts, remembering the last time time he had been under the relentless spray, in his own castle.

I can't believe you have to get married to some pompous no good jackass.

Aw don't say that. We don't even know him.

Yea but he's taking you away from me so I hate him

Don’t worry my ardor, I will find my way back to you.

A calloused hand, the colour of brass, snaked under his arm, resting against his chest, where his heart beats steadily.

What if you end up falling for each other?

He turned around, looking deep into those coffee eyes.

I don't know how I could possibly fall for anyone when you have already caught me.

I hate you for making me cry.

Jason had leaned in, tilted up that angular face, brushed away the curls.

I love you my ardor.

I love you mi cielo.

The memory fades as he pulls himself back to the present, letting the sound of sleepy birds and rushing water ground him.

Shutting off the shower he dries himself off quickly, glad to find the oncoming migraine gone. Not bothering with anything but a pair of boxers he makes his way into the lounge where the fire is slowly dying. He shoves a few more logs in and settles down on the fleece rug in front of it. Percy, he observes, is still holed up in his room.

He knows he should apologize, should offer some peace treaty after snapping like that, but he can't bring himself to care. He just wants to be at home, surrounded by his people, by his person.

He hasn't stopped thinking about them, about that smile, or the way their ears turn red when they notice Jason staring, or how they can fix literally anything you put in front of them.

He had asked why they never followed their father, take of the family business, why they chose to become a royal guard instead, but his ardor had shrugged and said there were more exciting things in the world than melting metal.

Jason always dragged them closer and tangled his fingers in that messy hair.

Well I guess it was the right choice. Because it brought you to me.

And then words were no longer necessary.

He shakes himself out of it, out of the life he's left so far behind. There is nothing there for him now. Nothing but a coronation and ruling for the rest of his days. The thought makes him queasy. Makes him want to fly into the sky and live amongst the clouds. Life, he thinks, would be much simpler if they could escape to the sky. Instead, he picks up the book he is reading and escapes into another world.

Some time later he dozes off, head lolling to the side. His dreams take him to hands of fire and cheeky smiles. He dreams of comfort.

"Jason," Someone calls him.

He mumbles for them to go away and tries to tuck himself back into bed, only to fall over and slam into a hard something?

"You can't sleep like this," The voice is saying, "You're going to ache tomorrow."

"Don't care." He groans, curling into a ball.

"Come on,"

And then he's being lifted clean of his feet and hoisted over a shoulder.

"What are you doing?" He manages to mutter.

"You can't sleep like that. First of all the floor is not comfortable and second I don't know how much you move in your sleep and I don't want a Jason barbecue."

"I don't want to sleep in my room." His brain is foggy and he trips over every second word.

"Why?"

"Iss cold."

"I'll get you another blanket." Percy's voice is nothing but a raspy breath.

"Have two," He mumbles, "Need to sleep with my—"

He’s cut off by a yawn.

"Your what?"

"My what what?"

He can hear his husband— oh yes his husband, what a silly thought— sigh and he pictures those striking green eyes rolling.

"My room has sun for most of the day, you can sleep there for now. We can discuss your room when you’re less sleep deprived. Sound good?"

"Soundddss dreamy," He sighs, fighting his fast closing eyes.

Just before the world disappears he's placed gently on cotton sheets. He can hear the birds starting to sing and he can feel the sun bathing his usually pale skin.

"This isss ni—" He yawns, "nice."

Jason Grace is fast asleep.

***

The Prince opens his eyes slowly, blinking back into the present. He doesn't recognize his surroundings. There's a small pile of clothes on a maple-wood rocking chair in the corner, and emerald curtains, fastened by glimmering ties, open to reveal huge arched windows. He looks down to see his legs entangled in black sheets and the faintest threads of cerulean blue weaving between the strands.

Percy's room, then.

But why is he in here. He doesn't remember drinking last night and that's the only way he could have possibly slept with his husband. Gods what a sad thought indeed. He decides to just ask the Black-haired Prince, not caring to delve into his memories to try piece together what happened. He thinks briefly about donning more clothes than his current boxers but his room is far and the house is warm, and mostly he just can’t muster up the energy. 

He finds the prince at the kitchen counter typing furiously on his laptop. He takes a single moment to observe the scene. Percy's mussed curls and thin wire framed glasses pushed up his nose. A coffee cup, still steaming sits to his right, and a board of cheese and the bread he had baked is layed out on the other side.

"I can't be that pretty to look at, I haven't even brushed my hair yet." Percy says without looking up.

"Sorry," He's glad the Prince doesn't take his eyes away from the screen because Jason's cheeks are bright red.

He moves to grab some coffee and sits down on the opposite side of the table.

"So uh—" He rubs the back of his neck, "Why was I sleeping in your room."

"Oh," Percy starts, finally looking up. Those green eyes widen as big as saucers as he takes the golden prince in.

"What?" Jason panics, "We didn't do anything did we?"

His husband snorts, "Trust me. If we fuck, you'll remember."

He is ready with a snarky reply but the prince continues, "No you were sleeping in the lounge but the fire was still on and it just seemed like a recipe for disaster. I tried to take you to your room but you said it was cold so I put you in mine because it gets sun for most of the day."

Jason is taken aback. That's sweet... surprisingly sweet.

"Thank you."Percy shrugs and goes back to typing on his laptop. He doesn't know what he should do. They seem to have entered into some sort of civil conversation and he doesn't want to ruin the shred of normality.

So he downs the rest of his coffee, chucks the mug in the sink and disappears into his bedroom. Minutes later he comes out more clothed, jeans hugging his legs and a blue sweater that feels like getting a hug from a panda. If getting a hug from such an animal was warm and soft and cuddly. He wouldn't know.

"I'm going for a walk."

His husband just nods, motioning to the cabin keys distractedly. Jason, fortunately, picks up on the meaning and grabs them, tucking the set into his coat.

This is the first time since they had driven here three days ago that he's stepping outside. Dusk is just starting to settle and the world is awash in oranges and pinks and the faintest strokes of purple. He wants to live in these colours, wants to paint them across his eyes so he always sees the world in their shades. A little sparrow flies down and lands on a branch hanging just over his head. It chirps as he walks past, flurrying it's tail as if to say hello. And then it spreads its wings and soars into the open plains, into those bleeding colours.

He remembers suddenly, a story his nanny had told him.

Why Miss Rosie, does the sky change colours?

Because Little Prince, when artists die they say goodbye by giving us a final painting.

Does that mean when the clouds change shapes sculptors are saying goodbye?

Miss Rosiland Krynn had smiled at those big blue eyes and nodded.

What happens when the artist can't paint or draw or sculpt what about then?

Well when you hear the sounds of wind chimes tinkling in the garden, or the sounds of streams bubbling in the woods, or the whistle of birds as they wake up then you're hearing all the singers who can no longer sing on earth.

And what about the actors?

When you hear someone crying, or lots of people laughing, or when you can feel someone watching over you those are the actors. They're their to bring joy into the world through all the people still here.

And the dancers Miss Rosie?

Have you ever seen flowers in the breeze?

He nodded his head, clutching at her fingers in anticipation.

And have you ever seen reeds in the river?

He nodded again, practically bouncing in excitement.

And what do they look like they're doing?

Dancing Miss Rosie! He had squealed, falling back into the couch as he thought about all she had said.

Jason smiles fondly at those memories, at a time much simpler than this. Where the sky was a canvas and music was stored in the wind. He can almost believe Miss Rosalind as he surveys his surroundings. There is something magical about this place. Like no matter what's going on in the world, this will never be touched by it. He can't help but run his fingers along the bark of a willow tree and sink his feet into the lush grass under it. At least out here he doesn't have to be anyone but Jason Grace. The marigolds dancing in the evening breeze do not care that he is Crown Prince of Caelum. And the blades of grass that hold his weight don't mind that he is human, that he has to function, even when it's inconvenient, inconceivable. Best of all, nothing around here cares that he's anything at all. If he gives his name to the river bed they will tuck it in and let it rest.

So he sits under the willow tree, letting his name drift down the stream, and spins fantasies of a life long lost.

When he makes his way back to the cabin, hours later, he's almost convinced himself that the world has stopped. And he is nothing but a vessel, strong enough to bend time.

It is like a bucket of lava on his skin, then, when Percy meets him at the door and drops the words he doesn't want to hear.

"We leave tomorrow. There was a shootout at your castle."

Jason Grace falls to his knees, and holds down the bile in his throat, as molten eyes and burning hands flash in his mind.

I'm coming for you Leo.

[mellomedia]

Youth Culture

For Media & Society’s first blog post, our class watched Euphoria, Mid90s, Mean Girls, Kids, and The Breakfast Club. If you haven’t figured out the theme yet, it’s youth culture. Most of these films were set in the 80s and 90s before this current generation. This is the first generation where our lives are saturated by mobile technology and social media (Divecha, 2017). But no matter what generation, youth culture has many common behaviors, or misbehaviors.

Often when I watch a film or read a comic book, I wonder if I relate to the story or anyone in it. I looked for anything in common I might have with one of the characters in the five films we watched. I can identify with Ray from Mid90s the most. I’m not a die-hard skateboarder like Ray. In fact I can’t skateboard at all, but I dedicate all my time and energy into art and animation. While we have different interests, I can relate to Ray’s passion for something he enjoys and the energy he puts into it. Ray is the top skateboarder in his group and practiced every day. All my spare time is spent drawing and taking online animation courses. My goal is to always do better than what I did yesterday. Words to describe Ray would be the same way I describe myself: down to earth, not concerned with fitting in, my own person, caring, always willing to help, and a very loyal friend. When Stevie joins the skateboard crew in the film Mid90s, he finally digs up some money to buy Ruben’s old, used skateboard. Stevie gets injured while attempting an insane jump over a hole in a roof and breaks his skateboard. Ray sees how much Stevie is trying to fit in, no matter how many falls he takes, he gets back up. Ray has a big heart and builds Stevie a new skateboard. As I mentioned, I’m not a skateboarder, but I enjoy trying to make people smile with my art. I enjoy drawing a cartoon of a friend to help them to get out of a funk or just listen to whatever it is they are going through. 

These films all share a few common themes. One theme is belonging. I admit I looked up the term “fitting in” and it was compared to belonging. Fitting in is defined as to be like other people in a group – what they wear, how they act, how they look. (Pace, 2018) Belonging is a basic human need – it is about acceptance – being where you want to be and being where you are wanted (Pace, 2018). A few examples are Stevie (Mid90s) wants to be accepted into the skateboard crew; Brian (The Breakfast Club) brings a flare gun to school as a suicide attempt because he didn't feel he was good enough; and Cady (Mean Girls) is the new girl trying to get accepted by The Plastics.

My freshman year in high school definitely falls into the theme of belonging. I struggled with speech and have a learning disorder. And at the time I had zero confidence in socializing. I’d walk over to a group of kids in the cafeteria just to try to get involved in the conversation, but I couldn’t form sentences quick enough to jump in. I would be the weird kid just standing there. One day my speech therapist asked me what I wanted to improve and I told her I wanted to gain confidence in socializing. She told me the best way to do this would be to just try to talk to more people. Well in high school that worked with some kids, but not all. I’ll never forget one day in the cafeteria I was trying to find a place to sit and eat lunch. I saw an empty chair at a table where a ‘friend’ was sitting. The group was taking turns roasting one another. At one point another kid challenged me. I was doing fine until he said, “You know people are only nice to you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.” That hurt like hell. He was referring to my speech impairment. I got up from the table and walked away. And that ‘friend’ at the table didn’t defend me at all. One girl came running over to make sure I was alright. I was pissed and hurt. I was not alright. Just so you don’t think I went off the deep end and had a miserable high school experience, I actually gained a great friend in high school that day. Alex, who was a senior, saw me leave track practice early. My head just wasn’t into track, so I went to sit in the empty cafeteria hoping to clear my head. He asked how things were going and I told him what happened that day. He told me, “It’s not easy finding out who your real friends are. But don’t change for anyone and don’t try to be like anyone else. Just be you.” I’ll never forget how he took the time to talk to me. After his advice, I could care less about belonging.

Another common theme between all five films is rebellion. When they aren’t skateboarding, most of the characters in Mid90s spend their time partying, drinking, and doing drugs. In The Breakfast Club, each character is in detention because they rebelled in some way. Why else would they be in detention? Every character in Kids was a rebel, actually more like a criminal. I bet the writer of the film was too.

A third theme is “bro” culture. “Bro” culture is defined as people who are bullies but at the end of the day they have your back, like a brother (Sloothunter42, 2018). Two great examples of “bros” are John (The Breakfast Club) and Ian (Mid90s). Throughout The Breakfast Club, John constantly insults the other kids in detention. He even insults the principal. The group escapes detention to wander the hallways. When the principal sees them, John saves the group by telling them to go back to the library while he distracts the principal. This link shows you the scene I’m explaining: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Iq7MRlHg5I (Hughes, 1985). Not something you would have expected from a bully, but you would from a “bro.” In Mid90s, Stevie’s brother, Ian, beats the crap out of him every chance he gets. But when Stevie is laying in a hospital bed after a car accident, his brother is there by his side. He even shares his precious orange juice.

Now onto one of my favorite things in life, music! I put together a playlist that relates to my adolescent experience. In no particular order, here are 10 songs and what each means to me. But let me point out that some song lyrics mean something to me, while with other songs it was the energy it gives off. I’m all about positive energy. First song is “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra. I first heard this song during the movie Guardians of the Galaxy. This song kept me motivated and positive during high school. If I was having a bad day, this was my ‘go to’ song. I also listened to it every day on my way to school. Next is “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley, a.k.a. CeeLo Green. This song reminds me of my mind, imagination, and the stuff I think about. I always have a trillion things going on in my head. I guess that explains my poor focus skills and super procrastination. “Inner Ninja” by Classified is another upbeat song. A few lines that always stuck in my head are, “I find my inner strength and I re-up; Here we go, I know I've never been the smartest or wisest; But I realize what it takes; Never dwell in the dark cause the sun always rises.” My junior year of high school I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It has and still is life-changing and as much as I don’t let it change who I am, I’m human. But as the song says, don’t dwell on the negative, look for the positive. I always remind myself of the positive. “Through the Fire and Flames” by DragonForce always fueled my brain when I was tired of doing homework or studying. To me the lyrics mean to keep moving forward no matter how difficult. Just look at what your goal is and don’t give up. Plus this song has one hell of a guitar solo that is very motivating. Michael Jackson is one of my favorite artists and “Man in the Mirror” reminds me how important it is to try to do good in the world and make a positive change. Regardless of culture, color, religion, and disability, we are all capable of making good changes in the world. I tried this on a much smaller scale in high school by volunteering at the food pantry and community events. “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz is one of many songs by this group that I like. It’s not so much the words I relate to, but I love the animation in their music videos. I remember the first time I saw one of their videos I thought how cool and mysterious it was that we only see the singers as cartoons. We are never shown who they really are. I like the fact that it’s different. Different is good in my world. “Intergalactic” by Beastie Boys reminds me of breakdancing and dancing in general. I love to dance and looked forward to every prom and homecoming dance at high school. “Without Me” by Eminem reminds me that no matter how much people criticize you, you can be very successful at what you enjoy doing. The last song on my list is “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand. To be honest, I just like the beat of the song and it’s one of those songs I listened to over and over in high school.

So that wraps up my Youth Culture blog. I hope it gave you a better understanding of how I relate to the assigned films. But let me make one thing clear, I do not relate to anything in the film Kids. Not one thing.

Below is my self portrait of what goes through my mind. 

Artwork by: Marcello Laudato

[owengrantham]

These are all well respected people.

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[jimmigmalingan]

Her Name Is Not “baby”, It’s JANET.

It’s not “Miss Jackson if you’re nasty” either, although just as iconic.

What better way to celebrate Women’s Month than to get to know a great embodiment of a strong and powerful woman. In fact, so strong and so powerful that my instinctive reaction when I first saw the invite to her journalism class was “Oh no.”

That was the G-Rated version of it actually. Nevertheless, same message. 

I barely even knew who she was or what her teaching style was going to be like. Her G-suite display picture just exuded “Oh no” energy. I mean that as a compliment.

I went straight to my friend from elementary school who shifted to Communication a year earlier than I did. I said “Do you have any tea on her?” The first thing he told me was that she had very high standards.

I like that, actually.

Back when I was in high school, which seems like very long time despite only having been a whopping three years, those were the types of teachers that I would consider my favorite ones. Ma’am Rachel from my English class, and Ma’am Elma from my Research and Biology class. Both of which actually went on to be school heads in different schools after we graduated.

I’m just here thinking to myself “God, I would’ve been excelling at her class if it isn’t for this stupid pandemic.” I clearly am not. We will get to that soon.

When we had the chance to organize an interview as a class, it invigorated me a tad bit. This is the closest I can get to having human interaction in an academic sense, but it was also my chance to have an idea or two of who ‘Janet Tibaldo’ was. Is she going to be the bane of my existence for the next four or so years or is she going to be alongside the people who I consider to be my “heroes”?

To my surprise, she’s very, well... human.

From what I’ve gathered in both of the interviews, our class’ and the other, she is a woman of strength. She is a passionate educator, a dedicated mother, and most of all, a woman of faith and devotion. In both of the interviews, she often emphasizes the importance of the “vertical relationship” in her life, and how it can have a positive effect in one’s horizontal relationships.

I do appreciate those remarks from her quite a bit, despite me having a rockier and more complex relationship with God as a queer person. I never considered myself an atheist. I do believe in God, and I believe that I am loved by God, despite knowing that people out there will try to convince me otherwise.

How could he possibly hate me when I pray to him too and he answers them just the same? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

When she said that you can fix your horizontal relationships once your vertical relationship is stable, it did strike a cord just as much as it struck a verve in me. I am trying to. It took me a while, but nevertheless I’m glad that I am here.

She often described herself as “strict”, both as a parent and an educator. It often surprises me how much bombardment my friend from elementary experiences from her subjects. The way he describes it to me sounds a bit like torture. I always took his words about her with a grain of salt. I will probably never believe him until I experience it first hand. He did say I was lucky that I shifted during online classes because she is a bit more lenient, otherwise I would’ve been dead meat.

If she was the monster that she’s painted out to be, I do understand why. It’s not like I don’t have a maternal figure or two in my life with eerily similar approaches. Like I said, she is a bit more human than what one would expect. She talked about her sleepless nights to dedicate herself onto her work, how she takes it upon herself when things go wrong, and how she said she hopes for a better and more empathetic world when I asked about her hopes for the future. To me she sounds like a person who stands her ground and knows exactly what she wants, even if it gets the best of her at times.

With that, she shared a peek of her younger days, how she spent her childhood during the Martial Law era, how newscasters on TV sparked her interest in the field of Communication, how in her college days they made do with the resources they had back then, emphasizing how lucky we are to have the technology we have now, how she was an activist back in the day. It painted a picture in my mind. Ahhh. No wonder.

There has always been ‘fire’ inside of her. A fire that lead her to be an educator today, despite having left the path of being a media practitioner.

I did think about it a couple of times. If being a visual artist doesn’t work out for me, maybe I’ll just teach. To me, it looks fun. She did say that she never thought in a million years that she would end up becoming a teacher because she thought it looked boring. According to her, lot of her family members ended up becoming teachers and she never wanted to be one of them. Maybe there’s some ugly parts of it that I don’t get to see, but it seems like a much more stable career path than visual arts, especially in a country like this.

Just from the interviews alone, you can tell that she has so much wisdom to offer in this field. That makes me all the more excited to meet her in person. If anything, there’s your proof right there that God is out there writing poetic justice for people. Maybe it was God’s way of saying “I have something better in mind for you, you just have to trust me.”

Another standout from the interviews was when she told all of us as a piece of advice that we should grab opportunities as they come. Oftentimes, the biggest regrets you have in life aren’t the things you did but the things you didn’t do. I have to admit, the main reason why this music video is taking too long to make is because of self doubt and insecurity. She’s right. I should toughen up a bit, shouldn’t I? Not only that, but there’s a lot of competitions that I found interesting in the facebook group that I just allowed to pass me by. I don’t want to blame my years in Architecture for it, because it did cause me some good. It’s just that I knew what I was running away from after years of feeling like I will never amount to anything. 

I knew that. If anything I was way bolder when I left high school, only for Architecture to beat me down. It does take someone like her to remind me of who I was then.

When I was going through my depressive episode late last year, ultimately leading me to shift to Communication, I found myself seeking refuge in the music of Janet Jackson. As a matter of fact, I shared her music to the same friend I mentioned earlier, and now he’s a fan too. We’d often joke about which Janet we were talking about in the conversation.

On one hand, we have Janet the popstar, who despite being blacklisted by Bush’s racist and misogynistic America, kept on going. She kept performing and making music for as recent as 2018, and now she’s inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. On the other, we have Janet the teacher, who keeps holding on to her faith despite all of the trials and challenges that came her way all these years.

What’s it about Janets being fiery passionate women anyway?

That actually leads me to my next point of interest.

What moved me the most about both of the interviews was her openness about her struggles with mental health, and how she refers students to seek help as well back when classes were physical. I don’t think conversations like these were possible back in the day, especially when I was a child. Apparently I didn’t have ADHD I was just an idiot, and people like me get punished for their idiocy. That was my upbringing, and it’s so refreshing to know that kids nowadays are lucky to have a ‘zeitgeist’ like this.

I was brought up for the longest time in the idea that if you show any signs of vulnerability, you are weak. It took some time for me to ‘rewire’ my brain and undo all of that...

because that is blatantly false.

If anything, for me, it further solidified how strong she was. It takes so much strength to admit that you’re human. It takes so much courage to tell yourself that you probably need help because you struggle in this aspect of your life. It is so easy to pretend that you can take everything like a champ and you don’t need anyone to help you.

The easy route was to say “I’m fine” or “I’m doing good” when asked a simple question “How are you?”, the hard route is to ask yourself that same question “How am I?” and be honest and introspective about it.

She did just that. She took the hard route.

She said she was having trouble sleeping and that she had to consult a mental heath expert for that recently, and that this pandemic made it particularly hard for her to juggle work and home matters.

I don’t think she will ever understand how a simple statement like that inspires someone like me, because what I got from that was ‘if somebody as strong and as passionate as her bleeds the same way that I do, I too can be strong like her.’

I just booked my appointment to my therapist yesterday. I haven’t seen her in quite some time now. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this, despite going there for feeling alone. Ironic, isn’t it? I feel like I’m running out of friends, and it’s starting to feel like paralysis, really.

After the interview ended, and I finished watching the interview from the other block, I couldn’t grasp the idea of this woman being taken as a monster, because the only words I could think of in association to her thus far is ‘uplifting’ and ‘inspiring’, in the same way that Ma’am Rachel was one of the people who inspired me to be a a cartoonist and Ma’am Elma inspired me to be a competitive dancer.

I had to give up three years worth of friendships to start back from scratch and to be here. I was actually so unsure if it was even worth the sacrifice, but Ma’am Janet Tibaldo, out of all people, showed me something to look forward to in this field. Based on what I’ve gathered from her, I’m up for a good time.