#Jackalope supports the gays

[jackalopedaily]

Jackalope Daily Day 332

[scarlet-cavern]

I am curious about the world in which you all live in:

Is the population all animal and animal-folk? Are there towns and cities? If so, how come you decided to live in a cave?

jade: well.. as far as I know, the population couldn't really get more diverse! there's humans, elementals, birds, kobolds and dragons, mantises, cats, jackalopes. you name it, basically. most any species can either be feral, or a 'folk. both live pretty seamlessly together, you'll find.

walk through any village and you'll see over a dozen different species before leaving, I'd reckon. everyone, no matter what they are, has a place in most towns and cities. and many buildings are made with this diversity in mind. accommodations for small, four-legged folk such as myself, or vice versa!

Maddie: and yeah we've got cities. Tlen on its own has two pretty big ones— Landering and Shellat, not to mention the port town Parvanni that's basically the nexus of trade on Tredan. Cooperation is a sign of civility, after all.

phy: as for why we're camping out in an obscure cave north of Landering, lemme give you a brief history lesson.

Old dragon is actually a retronym you know, we used to just be called dragons up until about 33 decades ago. The Hunters' Guild was — still is, kinda — a group dedicated to killing all the "monsters" in Atheria. They really meant any species, sentient or not, that might oppose the rule of humaniforms. So when they had built up enough support and strength, they decided to start killing dragons.

That war lasted 2 decades, and did lead to the deaths of most dragons. A few hatchlings survived that became new dragons, but 31 decades ago the remaining Old dragons gathered together to fight back. The end of the Hunters' war was hardly even a battle, but it was so late. Only a handful of Old dragons exist anymore.

I was born 31 decades ago, in this cave. I spent my first years hiding, remaining unseen. I'm probably one of the youngest Old dragons, but they don't really talk to me much. Besides, if there is a younger Old dragon than me it's probably best that they're kept secret. This cave, however, has always been my home; I've just been lucky enough to get to share it.

jade: if anything, I feel lucky that you trust me enough to let me stay here, love.~ this is better than any burrow I've ever lived in. bigger, too. more stony.

eli: GAY

eli: same tho

[curspect]

A sampling of some of my #pride pixel drawings I’ve made over the past few months!

Lesbian Sphinx

Gay Manticore

Bisexual Unicorn

Trans Kirin

Intersex Jackalope

Nonbinary Chimera

Genderqueer Chimera

Aromantic Gryphon

Asexual Dragon

Pansexual Pegasus

You can get these as stickers on my redbubble. 50% of proceeds to support Los Angeles LGBT Center. The other 50% to support my shitposting. I’ll add more stickers l8r g8r

[serafxn-a]

(( Hey guys. Mun here. I know, I know, I’ve been relatively quiet lately. For... a while now. I should probably give a life update. A bit more of a comprehensive one.

After a simultaneously wild and dull 10 years of my life beginning with university, which included a lot of online and a little offline drama, the end of a 7 year relationship that I’m still kind of reeling over several months onward, and a whole lot of paranoia and health problems both mental and physical... My life situation IRL took a drastic turn and almost brought my online presence to a screeching halt. Around May-June of this year, I moved back in with my parents, got a job at a major UK toy store chain, and have no longer been able to sustain my wild-ass 10am-5am living due to changes in schedule and having major responsibility for the first time in my life. One such responsibility being not keeping my parents awake til fuck knows in the morning, ahaha. And, y’know, actually getting decent sleep before work... (something I’m failing a little at right now,,,)

I’ve got mixed feelings about it, but overall... it’s actually been a pretty positive experience. Being definitively useful, wanted and moreover needed does a lot for one’s self-esteem. Knowing I’m good enough at doing something that people will take my advice, and that I will get called into work for more hours instead of having my hours cut, is kind of a good buzz, even if it’s taken a lot of getting used to and been stressful for my RP life. Not having any friends IRL sucks hard when I can’t talk to my online ones as much but... I’m trying to deal as best I can.

But right now, let’s forget all that. It’s time for me to be sappy, because it’s late at night, I’m sick, and it’s almost Thanksgiving. ))

(( Now, I know I’m not American, so when it comes to Thanksgiving, I don’t go there. I might have humoured a “turkey” dinner of my own for a couple of years just so I wouldn’t be left out. Which I guess might be kinda sad but I prefer to think of it as an act of sentimentality.

And, what can I say? I’m a very sentimental person.

That sentimentality is what leads me to make this post. There’s so many important people I’ve met that I’m grateful for. I’d like to talk about some of them, because I don’t think I should be particularly shy about this. I might not get all of them, because I’m kinda scatterbrained (and at least as of making alterations to this part of the post mid-way through typing it it’s 11:30 and I have to get up at 8).

First off: if you’re in the Sunny Day Café server? You fucking rock! Even if you don’t talk too much in there, your continued support of my first real attempt to run a relatively public RP server is really appreciated. In particular on this front I’d like to thank Rose (blogs: @kxndncss​ @grxxnheart​ @hopxlcss​), Shad (blog: @flapsinhands​) and Ozi (blog: @magicbyhalves​) for helping me with moderating the place. I’ll be the first to admit that my moderation skills are a bit... well, 👋. I’m often not a good judge of situations, and find it difficult to trust my own judgements. It’s something I’m having to learn. So the help is really important to me.

Of course, these three (who I will dedicate more time to in this post later for sure) have also been really helpful with plot stuff. There’s a particular group of people who’ve been helpful with plot stuff, actually, aside from these three, and I’d like to mention them too.

Let’s start with Ziz! (blogs: @unseenbutnotgone​ @seenbutgone​ @unheardanduncaring​ @distastefulblossom​ @setebcs​)

My memory is trash, but I think Ziz and I started talking over Wings wanting to get to know Fin back when he was Sleazy? Because he was getting involved with his son, and of course a good dad would want to make sure his son is in good company. He wasn’t, but Fin grew from that, and I’m thankful for that too, but also I’m thankful for what happened when Fin ended up applying this relearned kindness when Wings’ son was forcibly fused with a corrupt fragment of his.

And then it all went really gay from there, and now they’re married and have spread the gay even further. It’s not even over yet, there’s so much potential for Reset and Fin still and I’m eager to explore it and fit them into this intricate new world that I’ve never really touched on in RP before. And to write with someone as caring, empathetic, funny and smart as Ziz? I’m really honoured. They’re really inspiring to me and I adore RPing with them. They put so much work into their muses, visually and historically and meaningfully and I just... 💋👌 Mwah. Ziz as a writer, and an artist, and as a person too - I look up to them so damn much.

And I definitely cannot mention inspiring people without coming to talk about Rose. She and Ziz were ultimately the reason I started to invest so much in my Gasters, they’ve provided constant encouragement with my writing, I’ve been able to bounce ideas off of them not just for my stories but for theirs too. They’ve been emotionally supportive and emotionally constructive too, which is honestly fantastic. I know I’m someone who has a lot of growing to do. I appreciate that there’s people who’ll stick by me while I’m doing it and help me along.

Rose is such a pleasure to write with. Her prose is utterly gorgeous to read, it feels like seeing the individual threads coming together in a tapestry. Her talent for finding mood music is fantastic and something I honestly aspire to, because mood music for writing or setting a scene is so so important. Her characters are always really well researched and have so much depth to them, and it’s really great seeing her influences because damn she has good taste too. And what’s more, I honestly do look up to Rose, because while her life experiences may not be perfect she’s accomplished a lot of things I would love to accomplish myself. She’s really inspiring to me.

While these are the two folks I talk to most, particularly about RP stuff, there’s a whole gang of bastards I’m thankful for... I’ll have to bullet point these guys because there’s a good few blogs associated with them and I want to try and include all the active/main ones?

Rav - @imbreaking-sans​ @imdespondent-sans​ @mraudio-the-audacious​

Bets - @fellythealphaskeleton​ @xa-eviterx​

Situ - @shadowbirdsitu​ @sourtrout​

Del - @skellie-bean​ @pocketpunk666

Collectively these are people I know I can come to when I need help with things, RP or otherwise, people I can vent to, people I can share experiences with, and people I can laugh with and listen to and just generally hang around and be myself with. Which is kind of really important, especially when I don’t entirely feel like I can be myself IRL still.

Rav honestly has such a good way with words, both when it comes to people and when it comes to prose, and seems wise way beyond her years at times. Her level-headedness has sometimes been a little intimidating to me, but possibly because it’d been a rare quality in people I’d known prior, and something I’m often lacking in myself. I look up to pretty much everyone for different reasons, or sometimes similar ones. Rav is one of these people I look up to, in part because of this level-headedness. (And also because holy shit she’s dealt with so much and still come out on top!!) She’s a lot of fun to write with and a very trustworthy person I’m honoured to call a friend.

I think, if my memory serves me right, when I was really starting to talk to this group as a group - not as it is now, but as it had been, with a few different people there or not there - it was Bets I’d first encountered. And, well, I didn’t make the best first impression, I don’t think... but I like to think it got way better afterwards. Bets is honestly a really fun and wild character whilst simultaneously having that level-headedness I really admire in people? And like, she has wack plotlines (I’m looking at all the Felly stuff especially with fuckin BIRDSCAPE), but it’s so much fun to see them unfold and be a part of them! I consider her one of the comic masters of the group alongside Ziz, and though their styles are fairly different I have a high respect for both of them. And what’s more, I’ve always found Bets super easy to approach, which is invaluable to me as someone who is very shy and unsure of themselves.

While I say Bets was one of the first people in this group that I encountered, but as the group stands now it was actually Situ. Prickly and Fin had this thing going between them that grew into joke-flirting that became actual flirting, because when you do something like that it’s almost certainly going to stop being a joke if you keep doing it. If there’s one thing I’m a sucker for it’s slow burn and these two delivered so wonderfully. Situ has always been super friendly, super eager and super full of enthusiasm! And while I regretfully haven’t always been able to match that, I have always had fun RPing with her. I love her art, her muse designs, and - honestly this might seem out of left field one day could you gimme a hand with my hair? Yours always looks so good!! ... Er, that aside, you’re another really approachable person who I appreciate a lot. (I also admire your muse dedication like holy shit how many blogs do I have now)

I absolutely have to open with the Del paragraph by stating she is fucking hilarious. There’s a reason she’s using the Jevil icon on Discord at the moment; she’s definitely our Joker. I’m legally obligated to state she’s full of beans (it’s funny because the beans are her muses), and I respect her so much for sticking with child muses and RPing them so well when it must be really damn difficult at times. There’s a lot of challenges that come with child muses for sure. Del is also a great listener, an enthusiastic plotter, and an incredibly sweet person. Fun fact: she sent me a plush jackalope a while back and he’s sat by my bedside ever since, receiving cuddles when I needed them most! Another fun fact: she’s usually the person who initiates the “hewwo??” in voice calls. Chaotic alignment as hell.

I’ve talked a lot about a particular group of friends but they aren’t really the only people I interact with... and while the people I interact with regularly has dwindled a little, there’s two people not in this specific group who are still super important to me, who I mentioned earlier, actually.

I’ll mention Shad first - blog linked further up - as someone who I’m really glad I grew closer to? We’d shared a few friend groups but it took a bit for us to really start interacting, and I’m so glad we did. She has a fucking killer sense of humour and it bleeds into her RPing in the best way. Being involved in her plots in any way is freaking awesome, and she’s been super great about getting involved in mine in a way that’s really fleshed them out and given them direction and form. Not to mention she was one of the reasons I got back into Guild Wars 2 and we have such a good time playing together and talking.

I think at least for now the last person and absofuckinlutely not least I’ll talk about is Ozi... whose friendship with me long pre-dates my current blogs, as we started RPing together in the League of Legends community. She’s a really positive influence in my life, and I’m honestly really grateful that she’s stuck by me through our changes in fandom. Seeing her grow and improve as an artist has been an absolute pleasure, and her writing has always delighted me. The development turns she takes are fantastic and really well thought out, and that she can work with so little and make so much is inspiring as all hell. (I’m mostly talking about the amount of work she managed to put into fleshing out Thresh back when we were in the LoL fandom but damn she’s doing such a good job with Shantae in this regard too?? Thresh was just a lot more... bare-bones. Ba dum tsch.)

It’s about now that I’ve run out of steam and it’s past my bed time but I would like to say that this list is by no means exhaustive. There’s a lot of people who have put me on the path I’m on today, some who I may not talk to as much, some I talk to more, some who I don’t talk to anymore at all. Maybe they left my life on a good note, maybe on a bad. But each and every person we meet leaves some kind of mark, however big, however small.

I’m grateful for all the people who’ve not only left kind marks on me, but stayed, too. ))

[bumblepuppy]

Things that happened at work today:

I had two children fighting over who I helped with homework first. Both were named Eric.

I had to comfort a child who had discovered that her crush was “G” after stealing my Teacher iPad to Google ‘How to tell if someone is gay’. (Tbf, despite her weird wording she seemed supportive of him and said he is still her friend so yay?)

I told a child that Jackie Chan was Chinese and he was GOBSMACKED, thinking that he had to have been Japanese because of how powerful he seemed.

The same student with a crush discovery took my phone to look at my Instagram, telling me how ugly I looked in my cosplay photos.

A kid who did a Google search for jackrabbits stumbled upon a picture of a jackalope, which he had never seen before. I told him about them and he googled them and asked if they were real, I told him they were mythical creatures. He responded sagely with “Ah, so they’re extinct”.

The same girl who said I was ugly on Instagram left a granola bar on the table. I didn’t see her do this, and it was claimed by one of the Erics. Hours later, she asked if I had seen her granola bar. She didn’t seem to mind that it was taken, but commented on how she wanted to eat me up, particularly my hair that reminded her of blue raspberry.

I had to wrestle my Teacher iPad back from some kids who wanted to watch YouTubers on it. They kept recommending me YouTubers to watch, especially Minecraft roleplayers.

An awful teenager patron who comes in every day avoided talking to me until two minutes before I could leave and told me how much my favorite Star Wars characters suck.

The girl-who-wanted-to-eat-my-hair’s mom picked her up and gave me some chapstick. c:

EDIT: A woman came up to me worried because a strange man had handed a little boy a piece of candy. I went to see what was going on, and the man turned out to be a library volunteer who was deaf, but was doing magic tricks for kids and awarding them with candy for watching. It was all very sweet and she felt bad for thinking the worst of the situation, and I’m kinda sad that I couldn’t see more of what this guy was doing because he seemed pretty cool (and I’m worried that I might have scared him or started off on the wrong foot because I kinda charged over there all ‘uuhhh I heard there was maybe weird stuff happening here’)

[enigmatic-elegance]

Take some positivity.

Vampire: Tag someone of whom you've been a longtime fan.

@thegreatnyehehe: Oh come on, how can you not be? Look, at first I thought he was just a silly character. Then I saw he was a silly character who put a ton of heart and effort into his work. When he makes those holiday posts and such they are comedic gold, I actually can’t help but chuckle. He’s brilliant.

Werewolf: Tag someone who is one-in-a-million and comes through when you need them.

@addie-the-pirate: This one was tough, because all of my friends are one in a million. But Addie, you’re a special case in my eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who cared so goddamn selflessly. It’s crazy. It’s so crazy that at first I was actually cautious of you because I thought ‘no one can be THIS interested in another person, it must be a trick of some kind’. But in time I saw you are generally just an amazing, caring sort. I know I can rely on you, for guild stuff, for personal stuff, you’re a true friend. And the gays between Addie and Terra mend my soul.

@firebiter: Dude, sometimes you meet someone and just know you’re gunna click. You’re that someone. We first started to really talk one night and suddenly it slammed into 5 AM and we had been having some really deep chats on the server, on life, it was nuts. I was wrecked tired the next day, but smiling because I knew I had made a new friend. You’re always willing to step up when I need you, be it for operations or if I need to vent out my many, many grumpies. Love you dude.

Fairy: Tag someone who you see as an asset to the community at large.

@jazimina: Hands goddamn down. Don’t even need to think. The Royal Courier has been nothing but a boon to this community, helping guilds grow and people to spread their names. Beyond that, you drive people to their very best. Both by supporting others in their endeavors and providing such genuine love and positivity without asking for anything in return. You are what everyone on WrA should strive to be, including myself.

@susan-gampre: Girl, it takes some stock to make a brothel guild. Just because the server likes to go buck wild with that sort of thing. And you pull it off even in the face of adversity. To be honest, I think this shows the server that you can push the envelope but also do it in a way that does not step on toes or create conflicts. Keep doing you, we at Coldwall support it.

Jackalope: Tag someone who picked you up when you were down.

@grannyshanny and @soapiewhitacre: I’ll never forget what you two did for me. I was in bad, and I didn’t have an out. You both knew I would not stand up for myself, so you did it for me. That means more to me then I can ever say, and I’ve tried to say it a number of times already. Thank you both for being there when myself and the guild were in a bad place.

Phoenix: Tag someone who is a bright light on your dash.

@percy-dewdancer: I feel like he is going to disagree with this one, but whateva. Nah legit, since he left guard RP we don’t really interact much anymore because our two guilds don’t generally cross, but I still follow the homeboy because he posts interesting stuff. From music, to stories, to just being a snarky doggo, I can always get my fill of entertaining content from this guy.

@thebattlesheep: Beautiful and charming, both the character and the player in equal measure. I just need to drag you into RP more, because every time I see you mucking around on Tumblr it brightens my day!

Banshee: Tag someone who has looked out for you.

They don’t have a Tumblr, but I need to give a shout to Clemmentine (Jenny). She is my damn angel, for the years we’ve been RPing. She picked me up when I was falling, and with her love and inspiration I was pushed to make Coldwall. I adore that girl, always will.

Griffin: Tag someone whose friendship for you is priceless.

I’d love to tag @grannyshanny, @firebiter, @addie-the-pirate all over again, but I don’t wanna pull repeats.

@eldricceverton: DUDE WE GOTTA CHILL MORE MAN. You and I are already tight, but I also see you as the kind of guy that if we just sat down and had that one big talk™ we could be so damn solid. You are a good dude, and you’ve been there for me when I needed someone. In the times I have talked with you more personally, I see someone full of love and more then that, someone who wants to lift up those around him. Love you dude.

Minotaur: Tag someone who you see as a leader in some way.

@adhelin: If I didn’t have Coldwall, I know the first person I’d be going to asking to join is her. Not only because they make fantastic stories, but because Adhelin is a GM after my own heart. I see both a love for her guild as well as a fierce protective attitude toward it. I relate to those on a personal level. She’s a solid and caring leader.

Hellhound: Tag someone who you see as a guardian or protector in some way.

@kingofthewolves: My own personal guard dog. This guy and I have been RPing now for over a year, but beyond that I found a friend in them too. They look out for others, almost to a fault when they put others before themselves, and I know they always have my best interest at heart. Hell, with how absent I have been with classes, most folks would have dropped my ass. But they are still here, that alone is huge to me. I know if I ever need to go to bat, he’d be there beside me.

Unicorn: Tag someone who is So Good, So Pure™

@the-elf-mahat: I KNOW I KNOW. You are not so pure. ;) But when I think of someone who is just genuinely such a sweet soul, you’re ranked up there at the top. You just care so much for others, and it shines through in everything you do and say.

@xana-the-witchhearted: Again, maybe a little less pure. But if anyone wants an example of genuinely caring people, they don’t have to look beyond you. You joined this guild toward the very beginning and since that point you’ve been nothing but a positive influence. Not only that, but when I’m upset, you are always the first and sometimes only person who picks up on it and asks me if I’m okay. I don’t know how you can always tell..but it’s a gift and so are you.

@xerxes-jasper: Want some clams?

@luluarto: My sweet child, how you have grown. I am so proud of you. Work on your memes they are sub par.

Mermaid: Tag someone who is a positive influence on you.

@gwenya: I know you might be confused seeing yourself here but listen.. I know it took you a long time to come around to trust me and the guild. And I know what a huge step it was to make that jump, but you did it. Since being here, you’ve been OOCly so, so supportive and loving to this community. Offering gold, gifts, time, whatever people ask of you so selflessly. Not only that, but the fact that this guild could give you haven of a kind has made me love this place all the more. Your presence has made this a brighter place, and you are a positive force and don’t you forget it.

Bigfoot: Tag someone who seems bigger than life.

Yeah I’m going to have to cheat and tag @thegreatnyehehe again here. I mean for real this dude has become a server mascot what the hell even.

Dragon: Tag someone who you see as really dedicated to their muse.

@the-news-nerd: Dude, Elyza has been through so much shit, and still you endure. You’ve stuck by the character through it all. Moreso, when we talk, you won’t budge on the character at all even if OOCly it would get you into something you might enjoy. You’d rather stay true to your muse, and that is something I can relate to and deeply respect.

Afterthought

Look, there are a LOT of amazing people on this server, and even if I didn’t tag you, odds are you fit into one of these categories for me. These are the ones that came to mind first but by no means are they the only. Also, this is a call to any and all of you that are mutuals or follow but we have yet to RP. Please, please message me and let’s set up some time to do just that. Because I always want to meet more people and grow the list of amazing folks I know.

[edierone]

The Things She Carries, Part 1

I’m not OK, she thought madly, I’m not going to be OK, but I know what I want, right now. Please let me have it.

By the time dinner is over — a little sick from all that sweet tea, not to mention the admittedly amazing peach cobbler, which Deputy Weller insisted she get — Scully is no closer to solving anything. She is, however, fed completely up with Mulder. She knows he bailed on purpose, and she has a decent idea why; Weller does resemble a young Robert Redford and has a near-obscene amount of charm, which never fails to make Mulder little-boy-in-a-sandbox jealous, as baseless and ridiculous as that is. 

But A) Weller’s not her type, and even if he were, what business is it of Mulder’s, and B) she’s pretty sure he’s gay. Well-closeted, of course — no small-town Texas cop who wants to keep his job is going to be out, after all — but she’d gotten a definite vibe, which was part of why she felt so comfortable with him.

Which of course brings her back to Mulder’s adolescent bullshit. He had interpreted that comfort as interest, and their easy rapport as flirting. Three days so far of his huffiness, his snide remarks, his rudeness (to herself, and to Weller and the rest of the PD), and finally this — not showing up for dinner at the Big House with Weller, Sheriff King, and MaryNell Burden, the retiring DA who’d first contacted them about the bizarre circumstances surrounding the disappearances of a dozen defendants released on bail in this county in the last two years.

Scully thanks MaryNell for the ride back to the B&B — the town’s only place to stay, besides an ancient, murdery-looking motel out on the highway — and notes that their rental Ford is still out front; at least he hasn’t lit out for Oklahoma in search of jackalopes or something. Their rooms are next to each other, the only two in an outbuilding that used to be the ranch foreman’s cabin. It’s a few feet off the ground (1890’s air conditioning, Mrs. Carroll had explained), with five steps up to a small porch bordered by a wooden railing. There’s an old sweatshirt draped over the rail at the bottom of the stairs — it’s Mulder’s, she’s pretty sure, although why it’s out here, she has no idea. There’s no light in his room, the place is quiet except for the sound of crickets in the grasslands beyond the B&B’s property.

She drags herself up the stairs and into her room, stripping off her suit, hose and shoes the second the door closes behind her — ugh, how can it still be this hot at 9:00 p.m.? Off goes the underwire bra, too — she’s sweated it into uselessness. She pulls on a stretchy cotton bra, the one that’s just barely more supportive than going without, and the one tank top and pair of pajama shorts she brought; she really hadn’t counted on staying this long and was getting to the bottom of the suitcase. She washes off her clammy, sticky-feeling makeup, brushes her teeth, considers and rejects a shower on grounds that she’ll just have to take another in the morning to wash off her night sweat so why waste water.

Restless and annoyed, she decides the warm air outside will at least be better than the stuffiness in her room. She goes to stand at the edge of the porch, looking out into the nothingness beyond. Millions of years ago, this was all underwater, and still looks like the gently undulating bottom of the sea. There are tiny dancing lights down near the barely-trickling creek, 50 yards off; any other time, she’d be charmed by the sight of what Weller called “lightnin’ bugs,” but right now the fireflies’ glow just reminds her that she’s irritated enough to want a cigarette.

“Where the hell are you?” she mutters into the humid darkness, wondering again how they got into this apparently permanent interpersonal stalemate. But she doesn’t question herself too deeply, because stuffed tightly down — under layers that shift most inconveniently at times to reveal a corner of the thing — she knows, and she thinks he does too.

It’s because of that night, the night before she stopped treatment for her cancer. Her memory of it is relentlessly, mercilessly vivid. 

She’d been at Mulder’s place, allegedly just hanging out (which was really his way of playing watchful nurse, a fact neither of them acknowledged), playing Scrabble with National Lampoon’s Vacation on in the background. He didn’t know about the appointment she had the next day: Good news, they’d tell you over the phone; bad news, they sat you down and told you in person; the worst news, the meeting would include a counselor and hospice pamphlets.

She was useless at the board game, unable to concentrate, shaky and strange. He’d stopped asking her if she was OK after she’d snapped that she was “fucking FINE,” but he was clearly puzzled, and worried. The only thing that grounded her was keeping her eyes on him. She followed the angle of his arm reaching for tiles, watched his lips as he smiled at a particularly clever play he’d made, adored the kindness in his eyes as he gently mocked her for playing an “A” and an “E” on either side of a “T” to form “ATE”.

Gradually she began to be aware that looking wasn’t going to be enough; she wanted to touch him. Wanted him to touch her. This wasn’t a new sensation, but that night, it was blotting out reason, and fear, and prudence, and insecurity, and every other thing that had ever stood in the way of her reaching for him. He, of course, seemed unaware as always — if he had desires like hers, which she doubted, he had no problem controlling them; she was his partner and friend, and she knew he loved her in a platonic, almost brotherly way, but that was where it ended.

She spoke less and less, every nerve aware of him, her breath coming shallow and rapid, the effort of seeming normal costing her more by the second.

The movie finally ended, and at her request, he went to the kitchen to get her a glass of ice water; perched on the edge of his couch, she folded herself in half, putting her head on her knees, doing yoga breathing, trying to stop the tears pricking at the backs of her eyelids. Get up, go home, this is ridiculous, don’t be such a baby, he doesn’t want you like this, especially not now, she berated herself silently.

He came back, saying “Took me a second to find two clean glasses, but —” and then, catching sight of her, sprang to her in sudden alarm. He knelt before her, panicky. 

“Scully? God — are you OK?” She nodded, but he was unappeased. He gripped her shoulders as if to keep her from falling. “What happened? Did you get a nosebleed? Do you need to lie down?”

She shook her head no, then sat up to face him, her throat constricted with a rush of emotion. I’m not OK, she thought madly, I’m not going to be OK, but I know what I want, right now. Please let me have it.

Some kind of realization dawned in his eyes, and his touch changed, relaxed, became gentler. One hand lifted to her cheek, the other glided to her back; he couldn’t read her mind, but he recognized need, a different thing than pain or simple distress. And in the next instant, she knew that need was being mirrored back to her; she felt a heat rise between them, the same heat she’d ruthlessly tamped down inside herself innumerable times before.

It was strange; she used to feel substantial enough — sometimes too substantial, earthbound and perplexingly unable to catch the zephyrs that bore him so easily along. But since her diagnosis, she’d felt less and less so, and that night, it was as if she were made of paper and blown glass, as if a single spark, a single mislaid touch would disintegrate her — as if she were already almost gone.

Mulder, though — he was warm blood, solid bone, yielding flesh — his vitality, instead of being impossibly separate, seemed suddenly contagious. Something dormant inside her came awake all at once.

She leaned forward, slid her arms around his waist, kissed him — shivered as he inhaled against her — closed her eyes and whispered, breath just barely forming sound: “Please.”

------------------------------------ Author’s note: I’ve been writing this for MONTHS. It was a small idea that got completely away from me. There are at least four more parts, all the rest of which are smutty smutfests plus some angst here and there. Posting part one basically to force myself to finish the rest. 

[divinemutual-archive-blog]

tfw you have so many ideas for future chapters but to get to them you first have to finish the one you're writing right now and it's so uhhhgughgghhhhgg

[voicelesssuggestion]

multiples of 7!

cracks knuckles

7. What shirt are you wearing?

dont have one on rn

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

humm im nonbinary so.. i dont know? idk i dont like this question very much

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

rule #1. unless you are me, or someone that has the Mod V Seal Of Approval, leave

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

uhh. good is an overstatement but if you mean ‘what are your hobbies’ i do art, design, coding, cake decorating, baking, and writing in my free time

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

im gay i dont do sports

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

OHH BOY man honestly?? a bunny and an antelope. GIVE ME A JACKALOPE DAMN IT but with cool horns

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter & a sunny side up egg

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

askin the real questions... i gotta say dragons tho bc dragons have a super special place in my heart

[thegoldenlocks]

@jackalope-in-glasses because they are gay nerd jocks and i love and support them wholeheartedly