#JUST PICKED UP DUNE MESSIAH SO :3

[gessrit]

rules soon if anything refer to my stuff on @allmuddy for the time being :)

[hasellia]

The Process of Frank Herbert writing the Dune series (from my very vague memory of a video essay).

Franklin Patrick Herbert Jr. watches Lawrence Of Arabia (1962).

It becomes his problematic fave, and he writes fanficion; “Lawrence of Arabia IN SPAAAAAACCEEE.”

Franklin needs money and decides to send his fanfiction to a publisher. The book becomes an unexpected hit.

He wants to rewrite Dune to repair the ethical problems of his favourite movie, but the publishers tell Herbert that a rewrite or a clone will be seen as a lazy cash grab that would lose them trust.

UH OH! RENT IS DUE!!! If he wants to pay rent and eat a nice dinner, Frankie better write a sequel!

Sequel 1; The story continues, but the supporting characters pine for a better version of their world by vocalising the problems of the MC’s colonialism.

The audience doesn't get it. Maybe it’s too subtle.

Sequel 2: The MC commits major atrocities, including a horrific genocide. He’s not a god or a messiah. He’s just another worthless cog in the machine of colonialism.

The audience feels bad that their hero is seen as a worthless cog. Maybe he just needs Jesus. That way, he can make up for the irreversible loss of millions of lives! God finds a way.

RENT IS DUE

Sequel 3: The MC has a son to carry on his legacy. The son loathes him. He channels his inner cool rebel, angsty Sasuke energy to tell the audience of children that “pot is cool, genocide drools!”

The audience is vaguely offended that Sasuke said pot is cool and still thinks genocide is okay. Or at the very least, the colonialism was okay in the circumstances of the Dune universe.

Patrick is out of patience.

Sequel 4: Sasuke huffs all the pot in the universe and becomes the king god of worms. With his infinite wisdom, he writes a Martin Luther style manifesto of every bad thing his father did. Point for point, sin for sin. The manifesto is within the novel itself and is roughly 97.8% of its reading. Repeated throughout the novel and manifesto and the novel itself is “Colonialism and genocide is NEVER okay. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE , IN ANY WORLD , IT IS N E V E R OKAY.”

The audience’s main take away is that the king god of worms is cool.

Herb is out of pot to keep the Jesus in him. He is so tired of trying to just F I X these people. He channels every ounce of energy he has left to figuring out a concrete way to explain to his audience how colonialism and genocide is bad. In his late middle-aged life, it’s the only way he can stop himself from picking up a phone book to find and throttle some nerds.

Sequel 5: Out of the sand and ether, Sasuke Luther King God of Worm’s long-lost never mentioned before normal human descendant appears. She walks up to the audience, hold their eyelids open, stares directly at them within a cm of distance from her own, and says; “Colonialsim bad. Genoicide is a bad. Do not do. Is bad. Alway. O.k.?”

The remaining audience says. “ye. ok.”

Franklin Patrick Herbert Junior finally has a win and dies promptly on the spot from exhaustion at the ancient age of 65.

That’s just my guess, though. Most of what I know about Dune is from Jack Saint's video and a 10-second glance on Wikipedia.

[the-celluloid-correspondent]

Dune Part Two Review

Following the mythic journey of Paul Atraides as he units with Chani and the Fremen while on a path of revenge against the conspirators who destroyed his family. Facing a choice between love and fate, Paul endeavors to prevent a terrible future only he can foresee.

Every era witnesses a defining narrative that will shape the cultural landscape. In the 1970s/80s it was Star Wars, in the 2000s it was The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Presently, Denis Villeneuve's adaptation of Frank Herbert’s science fiction classic, Dune, is setting itself up to define this generation. Part One laid down the groundwork and now, Part Two cements its status as a transcendent force, solidifying its role in shaping the ethos of this generation. Dune Part Two stands as a rare science fiction war epic that comes only once in a lifetime. 

Dune Part Two picks up right where Part One left off, with Paul and his mother, Jessica, being taken in by the Fremen after House Atraides was massacred by House Harkonnen. While adjusting to their new home, members of the Fremen begin to believe that Paul is the “Lisan-Al-Gaib”, the Fremen messiah who would lead them to freedom. Paul becomes torn as he begins to realize if he becomes their messiah, it will lead to a bloody intergalactic holy war. 

Dune Part Two is a triumphed tribute to Frank Herber’s Dune. After setting the table in Dune Part One, Denis Villeneuve serves a visual spectacle that fully immerses you into this world of science fiction and fantasy.  The action pieces are nothing short of spectacular. From Fremen guerilla warfare to gladiatorial combat and epic worm battles, the audience will be on the edge of their seats from the ferocity of the battles. It is a spectacular blockbuster but with the finesse and flair from auteur Denis Villeneuve. This finesse is further seen in the film's cinematography from Greg Fraiser as he elevates his Oscar-winning cinematography seen in Part One to the next level. Fraiser experiments with color pallets and lenses as we shift to different settings. The homeworld of the Harkonnen was unlike anything I have seen before in film, as it is a world devoid of color under its black sun. Then juxtaposed to the calming brown and blue hues of Dune, it creates a unique visual harmony. Then when paired with immersive sound design, beautiful visual effects, and a killer score by Hans Zimmer, the audience is transported to this fantastical world. 

However, Dune Part Two is more than just a visual special. Writers Denis Villeneuve and Jon Spaihts lead the audience into a not-so-typically Chosen One story.  Religious fanaticism and the corruption of absolute power, take center stage as the audience is forced to question the motives of an outsider using an implanted prophecy for his own gains. It is a stunning cautionary tale of self-proclaimed Messiahs. Paul’s transcendence, guided by his mother, from a sheltered teenager into an all-powerful messiah-like figure is unsettling and horrifying. 

However, despite this praise, Duen Part Two does have a small hiccup. There are at least twenty minutes worth of footage that is missing from the film. This missing footage appears to be mostly from the final act, as the ending was very rushed and lacking essential pieces to make it feel whole. It felt like Denis was afraid to make this film over 3-hours long and decided that the final act was where the chopping block was. The film's pacing was perfect for a film over 3 hours but sadly decided to rush it at the end. 

With that stated, Dune Part Two is still a superb film with some excellent performances. Timothee Chalamet's transformation from a privileged sheltered teenager, into an all-powerful Messiah is terrifying. His whole persona changes dramatically as he makes this character transition. Even though he has some moments where is not as intimidating as the film acts like he is, his transformation is undeniably horrifying. Zendaya is the voice of reason with her character of Chani as she is torn between her love for Paul and her people. Her horror of seeing the manipulation of religion to her people was perfect and I would have loved to have seen more of that side of her character rather than just love interest. Rebecca Ferguson transitions into an incredibly creepy role as a soothsayer moving the chess pieces from the shadows. While Javier Bardem brings surprising comedic relief as this blind believer. However, the real standout performance in Dune Part Two belongs to Austin Butler as psychotic Feyd-Rautha. Butler finds a horrifying intensity to his character's emotional void that is a stand out amongst a very stacked cast. He provides a fascinating foil to Chalamet’s Paul Atradies. 

In the grand tapestry of science fiction cinema, Dune Part Two stands as an unparalleled masterpiece. Denis Villeneuve’s visionary direction, coupled with a stellar ensemble cast, has brought Frank Herbert’s epic saga to life. It is worthy of the IMAX silver screen and if you are not seeing this in a theater, you are doing yourself a massive disservice. Now please bring on Dune: Messiah. 

My Rating: A

[divorceblogger]

Mid-Year Book Freakout 2023

Thank you for the tag @kazz-brekker! 🌻

1. Best book you’ve read so far this year

This is a hard one but I'm going to rule out the various re-reads I did this year (three!) and pick Rebecca.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far this year

It's easily Dune Messiah - I don't think it's perfect, but I think I discovered lots of nuances in the series after re-reading the first book and dissecting Dune Messiah in that context has been really fun. The sequel also picks up the thread of the gothic atmosphere the first book was cultivating and continues to delve into that with greater detail which is probably why I grew fond it very quickly. Also Frank Herbert really got his shit together for it and committed to the criticism of empire that he was only really hinting at in the first book without forgetting to care for the characters and sympathise with them which I think really did something for me.

The series has a very TLT-esque balance of narrating the story, now that I think of it, in the sense that there are larger events happening in the universe around the characters while the narrative chooses to zero in on the personal tragedies of a select cast of characters in order to effectively convey the themes that it’s dealing with.

3. New release you haven’t read yet

I haven't really been keeping track of new releases much since I didn't care for a lot of the queer fiction Tor was marketing lately - but Our Wives Under the Sea has been on my radar for a while and it's the latest release I can think of at the moment because the rest of my tbr fully dips into books published pre-2000. I did read A Day of Fallen Night recently though, and it was published in Feb 2023, iirc.

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

I'm going to cheat and say Alecto the Ninth although Tamsyn Muir said that release was probably going to be delayed. The only other release I'm looking forward to is The Bone Season #5 coming out next year-ish? (probably 2025 tbh).

5. Biggest disappointment

Books #2 and #3 in the Southern Reach trilogy were rather poorly done. I don't think Jeff Vandermeer is a very good storyteller, but instead has a lot to say about sci-fi and horror as genres - and those things are interesting but I'm not certain they can act as stand-ins for the actual act of storytelling.

I did still enjoy my reread of Annihilation though, but it was probably just nostalgia.

6. Biggest surprise

Wuthering Heights, although I'm not quite certain why. I think I didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did.

7. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

Daphne du Maurier - I'd tried to read and finish Rebecca before, but I really got around to finishing the book this year and it was very, very good. I enjoyed Rebecca so much that I kind of wanted to started My Cousin Rachel immediately; but I might have to put that off for a while because my tbr is very long at the moment.

8. Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character

I'm in Alia Atreides hell currently and I'm uncertain that there's any cure for it.

9. Book that made you cry

Harrow the Ninth! Books rarely make me cry and this was a reread but I still felt plenty emotional.

10. Book that made you happy

Solaris :) I distinctly remember smiling very broadly while I was reading the last couple paragraphs of the book. I think more people should read Solaris and also watch the film that Andrei Tarkovsky made based off of the book. It falls roughly under a category that I like to refer to as sci-fi horror, but it's also very Nona-esque, in the sense that it discusses the human condition of love with brutal honesty (I think basically all the sci-fi books I’ve read this year have dealt with very similar themes, especially with respect to their criticisms of imperial hegemony and environmentalism).

uhh tagging @phantomxblood @jaqobis @jelli-ace @wishesofeternity @honey-and-hibiscus-kingdom @iliyanaofcasimir and anybody else who might be interested in doing the game!

[bronzewool]

Dune is ruining my life.

I have not been able to stop thinking about the series ever since I stumbled across the sequel in the library. And since it's like 1/3 of the length of the original, I picked it up for some light reading just to see if there was something I was missing.

I am frustrated by how much I desperately want to learn more about this world, but I don't wanna read it in this format. The Worldbuilding is fine. The characters are fine. The relationships are fine. The history is fine. The conflict is fine.

I just hate the writing.

Dune Messiah does the same bloody thing in the first book, where it announces the motivations of each character and spoils many plot twists that would have been shocking to learn for yourself. The first chapter even starts with our four central antagonists in the same room talking about how they're going to overthrow House Atreides. So we know who to look out for before Paul even meets them, not that it matters since they're all so bloody incompetent, their plan to overthrow Paul is both way too complicated and laughably straight forward.

It's been 12 years since the first book, Paul got his revenge on the man who killed his father, overthrew the Emperor, and made himself the new Emperor with a devout Fremen army and a monopoly on the Spice extraction.

Except things aren't so perfect. Paul, who is cursed with clairvoyance and has seen the future for all humanity, is trying to avoid the extinction of the human race but, in doing so, has made himself the villain.

"At a conservative estimate, I've killed sixty-one billion, sterilized ninety planets, completely demoralized five hundred others. I've wiped out the followers of forty religions-"

His followers see him as a god and have become a cult who will cut down all non-believers in his name. He has brought water and wealth to Arrakis but is playing the long game, destroying the lives of billions of innocent people for the sake of trillions not even born yet. He's a hard character to root for when you've spent an entire book watching him struggle to earn his happy ending, only to then watch him commit mass genocide in the name of the greater good.

And the book doesn't tell you straight out the gate that Paul is now evil, but let's you digest the consequences of all his decisions. For example, Paul has full control over the Spice trade, a life-extending drug that most citizens have been exposed to at some point. The spice rightfully belongs to the people of Arrakis (even though Paul himself is not a native), but one of the drawbacks to ingesting spice is that withdrawal eventually leads to death. Everyone who takes one step on Arrakis can never leave or must depend on frequent shipments of the stuff in order to keep on living. We are never privy to the innerworkings of the shipment itself or how much it costs, but I couldn't help but compare the dependency on Spice to insulin, especially when Paul learns that someone has attempted to take one of the sandworms to manufacture their own supply of spice on another desert planet.

The book has great moments like that, but it's spliced with chapters of people sitting in a room talking about power, diplomancy, conspiracy, religion, fate, legacy, guilt. And going over those conversations with a Sherlock Holmes level of deduction to uncover hidden meanings, and talking in different rooms with different people.

There is a lot of talking in this book when the plot can be cut down to: Paul's Consort Princess (that he forced into a political marriage right after dethroning her father) has teamed up with the old reverend Mother from the first book to remove Paul from power with the help of a shapeshifter "face dancer" and a space guild navigator who is invisible to the powers of foresight. The Princess secretly drugs Chani, Paul's lover from the first book, with a contraceptive in order to stop her bearing any future heirs. The Guild Navigator presents an artificial human created from the remains Duncan Idaho, who died in the previous book, as a gift to the Emperor. And the shapeshifter has taken on the form of a Fremen.

The innerworkings of their plan are kept hidden from the reader, but the execution is lacklustre when the entire point of the book is that Paul can't lose. Chani is moved back to Arrakis to see a doctor, so the princess can't keep drugging her. The reverand Mother is apprehended early on in the book. Paul knows the resurrected Duncan is a trap meant to be his undoing, and any tension with the shapeshifter is pointless as Paul sees right through his deception, but plays along anyway.

Much like my frustration with the first book, there isn't a lot of narrative tension when it comes to the plot. The only real suprises in the book are, how the conspiracy plans to use Duncan to take down Paul, and near the end when Chani finally gives birth and Paul did not predict her bearing twins as he only ever saw the future of their daughter, and not a twin son who is hidden from Paul's powers and might change the future Paul fought so hard to achieve.

I both enjoy learning about Dune and hate reading it. To the point I'd rather just read the wiki articles. But I can't seem to get it out of my head and hate myself for not enjoying it more when it is so beloved by so many people I respect, and I dont know of its just because I'm not nearly smart enough to fully understand it

[just-geck007]

Current obsession. Frank Herbert's Dune.

3 books into the Dune Saga.

What was I thinking?

My New Year's resolution was to read all 24 books. At least I only have 21 books left?

Right???

Upon finding out that Frank Herbert only wrote the first 6 books I have reconsidered my decision to read all 24. Whilst Brian, his son, is arguably a better writer than I; it seems that despite his determination to interpret his father's notes Brian falls victim to his own hubris, writing a very poorly dictated 18 novels that have so much potential, though still lacking. Thus I find myself still hesitant to commit to all 24 books. I hear that while the first 6 books are "wonderful", "thought-provoking",& "Sci-Fi legend" I am under the impression that after reading the first 3 books I have gotten myself into a very indecisive pickle.

The first Dune book was phenomenal. If you are interested in reading a well-developed, sci-fi novel I cannot recommend it enough. Frank writes "Dune" and introduces both Paul Atreides and the reader to these unfamiliar Fremen terms and concepts in tandem. He builds a sense of awe and confusion in Paul that is unique as the reader can also take an active part in it too; I think this is primarily what makes the first of the saga so phenomenal. It maintains a sense of whimsy and fiction that not many books were doing in the 60s. Hence why one often hears Frank referred to as the "Father of Modern Science Fiction." That being said, it took me about 3 days to consume all 800 pages of "Dune". Cover-to-cover.

"Dune Messiah", the second of the saga, skips forward (iirc) 12 years following the end of the initial book. I found this one to be way more politically charged than the first. Though it adds to the complexity and world-building that is established in the first book it can be easily interpreted as a thinly-veiled "manifesto" (I use this loosely) as I found myself scoffing at certain points; noticing that Frank was just echoing what I knew to be his own personal beliefs. As a sci-fi enjoyer, I end up finding that sci-fi can walk the thin line between overly ancap lit or amazingly intricate & well thought-out intergalactic space politics. I think this view can be reflected onto the novel and is the resounding opinion amongst others who have read enough sci-fi & those who have read "Dune Messiah". Mind you, I also blazed through this book, I believe it took me 2 days to read all of 400 (?) pages.

The most recent & current read is "Children of Dune". I have picked through pretty much the entire novel. Having only about 50 pages left. This book has been a more difficult read. It does not skip much into the future in comparison to the Dune-Dune Messiah jump which skips a minimum of 8 years before delving into the story. Though it has taken me longer, and was more difficult to digest I can argue that I enjoyed this one more than I did Messiah. "Children of Dune" shows the very intricate relationship between the remaining Atreides family &, for lack of better, staff. The plot in this novel is much more complex, I found myself having to re-read certain points of the book to confirm that I was interpreting the character interactions correctly. Filled with plenty of backstabbing motives, multitudes of prescient characters, and quick scene changes between chapters I found that if I didn't have as good of an understanding of the character's personalities and relations in the first 2 books I would have had much trouble discerning between each sneering and multi-coded remark.

That being said, I am overall really enjoying the plot intricacies and character developments that Frank constructs in these novels. I am very excited to read "God Emporer of Dune"! I will update within the coming weeks with more Dune commentary :D

[stupidfatpenguin]

get to know me tag game

Hi, I'm super slow and super late with these, sorry, but thank you to everyone who tagged me in this over the last... months :cries: .... @withercrown @materassassino @grey-sides @skywalkity

rules: tag a few people you want to know better; make a new post, don't reblog!

favorite color: Purple ♡

currently reading: Dune Messiah; and a methodology book so thick it could probably kill a man

last song: Snowburn by Hammock

last movie: I was about to say "I can't remember the last time I watched a movie" but I recently saw a chopped up version of Attack of the Clones with @kevystel (it's one of those movies that need to be rewatched with a beer and kev's commentary, imo)

last series: mmm... Well, I honestly can't remember the last show I finished.... it was probably Boba Fett. I rewatched some Mando recently for meta, if that counts.

sweet, spicy, or savory: there are billions of dishes and so much fantastic cuisine to suit all out moods and wants out there in the world, and you're asking me to pick one of these? WITHOUT any context????

coffee or tea: BOTH, please and thank you ♡ (But nothing beats a rainy coffee-shop day)

three ships: DinLuke (hah), ArmorSoka, Bagginshield

first ever ship: Kisshu/Ichigo from Tokyo Mew Mew... Funfact: I was 11 and thought they were both girls before I watched the show.

currently working on: my thesis... I've got some unfinished one-shots and follow-up fics I want to complete! There's a Republic Never Fell AU, a sequel chapter to dune sea, and chapter 3 of my atlantis AU... (I swear I'm still working on it)... these are all DinLuke I might need help

favourite piece of clothing: the wool socks my grandma makes me

comfort food: I'm really into noodles lately

favourite time of the year: Fall, when the nights grow long and cold and we light the fireplace for the first time.

fav fanfiction: That I've read? Hm. I actually don't read a lot of Hannibal fics, but Ravenous by rageprufrock is probably one of the best fics I've ever read, hands down (and the author just pops up randomly in some fandoms I've been in, I'm really intrigued by their... existence?). In my current fandom, I think I'll never grow tired of staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave.

-

For tags (if you're comfortable doing these)... @thechaospilot @comediandjarin @leiainhoth @ace-din-djarin @lynnpaper @medicmando @kevystel @mari-wrongway @asiminthering @pridoo @petraquince ... I can't wait to read yours ♡

I added questions from different tags on this list, so feel free to skip out on some of these if you want to do it!

[bekah-reading]

Just got done with the first third of Children of Dune, most likely gonna finish today or tomorrow.

But Oh My God! Reading the first book took me from October 23, 2021 to November 16, 2021; that is because I loved it, from the first chapter it was insta-love and I wanted to space it out. I never wanted that book to end. Another part of the reason is because that book was dense, not just page wise but the writing style and the information it was throwing at you every paragraph was deep and it felt like every sentence was an info dump. But i did enjoy every bit of it.

Dune Messiah however took me one day, I got it on my birthday November 25, 2021 but I picked it up November 29, 2021 (I read 3 books from 25-28 so I got to it after I finished those) and it took me a day because I was so eager to read it and find out where it was going. Messiah didn’t read like Dune- it was only 337 pages and I felt like it was unnecessarily split from Dune, it very well could’ve just been in the first book. It also wasn’t dense in the writing- I felt like it flowed more.

Children of Dune, is 477 pages and it reads just like the first book. I am one third of the way through, and it feels like I’ve read 200 pages of information when I just got to 158. The information just never stops, the intrigue just continues to pile up, and we find new stuff at every turn while learning about things that have introduced already. It’s going to be amazing and I feel like I might have the rest of the series asap after this one, thankfully I already own the rest and I own House Atreides.

[alphacygni]

In the desert, Jesus was tempted three times. The demon in charge of the last temptation had a far better sense of humor than the first two.

AKA Crawly gets a little advice on love from the Messiah.

*************************

The Judean Desert

30 AD

 Crawly curled up near the man in companionable silence and looked out across the open gold of desert. The sky was violent blue, and the eerie quiet reminded him of the stripped, airless feel of sitting among stars, staring into the bared heart of a galaxy.

In places like this, Truth lurked nearer the surface. This was a place of riddle and insight. A pulse point of the universe, best suited to meditation and contrition and contemplation.

In short, it was a dreadful bore.

How anyone could spend forty days here, Crawly would never understand.

“Hello, friend.”

When Crawly turned to look, he found the man smiling at him. “You can come closer, if you like. Out of the sand.”

Crawly did like. Sand was far and away one of the worst things about manifesting corporeally. Even as a snake, it got everywhere.

“I suppose you’re here to tempt me, too?”

“Ssssomething like that.” Crawly’s tongue darted in and out.  “Issss there anything you’d like, particularly?”

The man’s smile deepened, etching happy lines at the corners of his eyes. “It’s no fun if you do it like that.”

As much as possible for a snake, Crawly shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt to assssk. Could ssssave us both a lot of time.”

The man’s chuckle was as warm as the stretch of rock on which they sat. “I like you, demon. You’ve a better sense of humor than the others did.”

Against his best judgment, Crawly found he liked this man, too—though, truth be told, he was far from what Crawly’d expected. There was nothing grand or beautiful about him: no flowing hair or radiant light or fearsome countenance. The sun silhouetted only narrow shoulders and cast shadows across sand-beaten skin. Hell, the man’s eyes didn’t even twinkle.

He didn’t look like the son of the Almighty. He looked like…a man. Just a man.

“What’s your name, demon? I’m Joshua bar-Joseph, by the way. In case they didn’t tell you.”

They had told him a name, in fact, but it wasn’t this one. It was a name that had no pronunciation in the tongues of men—it was Their name.

“I’m Crawly.”

“Crawl-y?” The man pulled a face. “‘A little on the nose, isn’t it?”

Suddenly self-conscious of his low and coiled state, Crawly stretched out into human form, more comfortable meeting this man eye-to-eye. Sand dribbled away from all the places it had gathered between scales.

“Yeah, I s’pose it is a bit obvious,” Crawly admitted. “Don’t think I could pull off anything more traditional, though. Belial, Azazel, Baphomet. A lot of expectation attached to a name like that.”

“And you want to be your own man.”

“Or woman,” Crawly said with a better go at a shrug. “Or snake.”

“I see. You’d know best, of course,” the man conceded before letting out a weary sigh and returning his gaze to the emptiness of the desert. “Well, then, Crawly. I suppose we ought to get down to business. What have you got planned?”

“Oh, I haven’t decided. I try to take these things as they come, you know? Don’t like anything to feel too rehearsed.”

“Your friend Hastur suggested I use my heavenly powers to turn these stones into bread.” He picked up a pebble and flung it into the sands below. “Not very creative.”

“Yeah, nah, that’s, uh, that’s not really his strength.”

“The demon…Ligur I think his name was? He tried to convince me to throw myself down from this height so as to force the angels to catch me.” He shook his head. “Almost nonsensical.”

“Especially if you know the angel who’d be doing the catching. I’ve seen his hand-eye coordination.”

An appraising look. “And what do you propose? I’m guessing you’ve got something better.”

Crawly wished, and not for the first time, that he understood the effing ineffable Plan. What the heaven was he meant to be accomplishing here?

“I dunno. I mean… can I be honest with you, Josh?”

“Please,” he said like a man who knew better.

“Honestly, I think the humans will do worse than anything I could.”

A hint of sadness. “You might be right.”

“It’s a dangerous business, this Messiah thing. If you’re serious about it…about teaching people and bringing God’s kingdom to humankind…sure, I mean, as agendas go it’s not my cup of wine obviously, but it’s not a bad idea. It’s just…well, the world’s a big place, Josh. There’s a lot of people out there.”

Crawly swiped his hand through the air, and sand swirled up from below, whistling in wide arcs before resolving into a shimmering, intricate map of the world. It hung, translucent and dazzling on the wind in front of them: a picture that wouldn’t be seen again on Earth for another fifteen hundred years or near.

“Now, we’re here, you see?” Crawly pointed to one of the grains of sand and it twinkled, tiny in the vast expanse. “But that’s such a small place. There are kingdoms far beyond. And I’m not just talking about Rome and Gaul and Egypt.” As he spoke the names, small swaths lit up here and there, but large portions remained dark and unnamed. “There are countless kingdoms beyond anything even the Romans have seen. And they’re all…well, they’ve got a lot in common, really. They could all benefit from what you have to say.”

Crawly watched the man’s eyes drift, entranced, across the map.

“Seems to me,” he pressed, “that if you really wanted to do good—really wanted to improve humanity on a grand scale—it might not be such a bad thing using some of that almighty power of yours. Make your own kingdom, a godly kingdom, run on everything you’ve dreamt of. Peace, equality, kindness—all that. You could spread that message farther and deeper than the Romans have spread theirs. Probably a spot better than what they’ve come up with, if I’m honest.”

Crawly, in the last four thousand years, had learned a thing or two about temptation. He saw the briefest flicker of it in the man’s face now—weak but blinking open sleeping eyes. It conceded the point.

“That’s what the Almighty wants of you, isn’t it? To spread Their message to every corner of the world? To—”

Crawly stopped. Just beyond the floating map, a small, white dot had appeared on the horizon. He recognized it instantly.

Floating sand collapsed back into the dunes below, leaving only scraped blue skies.

The man beside him didn’t miss it.

“Someone you know?” He looked between Crawly and the approaching figure, interest now obviously diverted.

“Yeah…we’ve, uh, we’ve met a few times.” Crawly kept eyes on that growing white dot and tried to ignore the thing. How long had it been? Three thousand years or so? And still…this ridiculous thing. This turn in the chest, this fluttering, like the memory of a wing stretched overhead.

Every other step, the angel stopped and shook out his robes, gesticulating angrily at the sand and dusting at himself with fervor. He carried loaves of bread and a ceramic jug—no doubt sent to break the man’s fast as a reward for avoiding all those demonic temptations.

An awkward time for a quick catch-up.

“And that’s my exit,” Crawly sighed, giving the man beside him a grudging nod. “Congratulations on, you know, avoiding temptation, I suppose. And good luck with the whole Messiah…thing.”

“No hard feelings, yeah?” He set a hand on Crawly’s shoulder. There was something unsettlingly knowing about it.  “And, you’re right, you know. Power can be a way of getting your message across, of being heard. Sometimes even for the good. But can I tell you another truth, my friend? One deeper and a little harder to divine?”

For a moment, just a moment, the look in the man’s eyes reminded him of a shining, clean feeling. A feeling he’d had in a place he could barely remember. A place from before the Beginning.

“Yeah…alright.”

“Sometimes quiet and unwavering acts of love speak more loudly than a thousand clambering spears and shields.” A smile, soft as song. “More loudly than all the angels of heaven or the demons of hell.”

Warm wind gusted, tickling sand against Crawly’s neck. It matched the stupid tickle in his chest at the word.

Quiet and unwavering acts of...

That word.

Crawly hadn’t considered that.

“Whatever you say, Josh,” he sighed, deciding not to point out that the man might find a few spears and shields handy when he started preaching against Roman rule. “You’re the Messiah, after all.”

He laughed and maybe his eyes did twinkle—just a bit. “Shall I say hello to the angel for you?”

But Crawly was already slipping back into scales and slipping away. “I was never here, Josh.”

“One more piece of advice, then, before you go…?”

Crawly gave a peeved sort of hiss. “Let me guessss. ‘The meek sssshall inherit the earth’? ‘Love thy brother as thysssself’?”

The man’s smile didn’t waver as he turned back to survey the desert once again. “Think about ‘Crowley.’ It would suit you.”

Crawly hated to admit it, but the Messiah had a point there.

He wondered if the angel would agree.

[eldritchsurveys]

o27.

// Random Survey Questions // By: @x-hallie-x // What was the last thing you spent a lot of time thinking about? >> Keahi, my Watcher (player character) in the Pillars of Eternity series. I was just imagining the differences between em in the first game and em in the second game, and also imagining em being sexy-flirtatious with Xoti (a character in the second game), because I’m a thot.

What do you think about astrology/the zodiac? If you used to believe/not believe in it, what changed your mind? >> I think astrology is neat. I used to hate it because all I knew about it were people saying that Geminis are two-faced and manipulative and all this other shit, and I got tired of hearing insults about me based on some arbitrary star shit (as I thought at the time). But one of my friends got me into astrology by telling me about the cool shit like natal charts and gradually I got into it. Now I’m like “don’t talk to me unless you did your birth chart ;D ;D” (honestly it’s just FUN and I really relate to what my own birth chart tells me, and I’m not going to let fun-sucking people ruin it for me).

What is one conspiracy you believe in? Or one you think is total crap? >> I don’t know... I don’t really believe in any, per se, like whole-heartedly. I just think a lot of them are interesting. I also don’t know much about any, because I never did much research into them. The geo-engineering thing sounded interesting to me because that reminds me of terraforming in science fiction and stuff, and also the X-Files-esque idea of alien conspiracies as coverups for more insidious experiments and what not? That’s pretty cool. I just think conspiracies are cool from a, like... storytelling perspective, if that makes sense.

Where was the last place you traveled to and what did you do/who did you go with? >> I went to Chicago for my birthday weekend at the end of May, with Sparrow. I went to the Shedd Aquarium, the Adler Planetarium, and the Museum of Science and Industry, and Navy Pier, and I also ate a lot of food and drank a lot of cocktails. And I got to meet my friend Loki in person after being mutuals for years! It was great.

Where was the last place you didn’t want to go but had to anyway? >> I can’t remember.

If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be? >> I mean, I’m pretty happy doing what I’m doing right now, and I don’t want to poke at that too hard and make myself dissatisfied for no reason.

What made you pick up the last book you read? Are you glad you did? >> The last book I finished was Dune Messiah, and I picked it up because I’d read the first book and wanted to keep going. Yeah, I’m glad, it’s an interesting series.

When was the last time you yelled/screamed and why? >> I don’t remember, I rarely do that.

Why is your greatest fear your greatest fear? >> I’m not sure. I think I went todash one too many times and I came back with a set of anxieties as a souvenir. I never used to get all up in my brain about death, in fact I never understood people who were anxious about it at all. And now it’s my thing. I don’t like it, but I guess I have to live with it, and I’m doing my shitting best.

What was the last big decision you made? Do you think you made the right choice? >> I’m not sure? I have a hard time remembering stuff like this.

If you could have any animal as a pet (in a magic universe where wild animals can be tame or something!) what animal would you choose? >> A DRAGON. A WHOLE ASS DRAGON. Fuck it.

What Hogwarts house are you in? What do you think about the “stereotypes” regarding your house? >> I’m a Slytherclaw! I used to get annoyed at unnecessarily negative Slytherin stereotypes but like... meh, whatever. The whole House system is based on stereotypes in the first place, so that’s to be expected. 

What is your favorite song to sing? How about dance to? Do the DO to? >> I’m going to pick random favourites since I don’t have just ONE favourite anything, haha. To sing: Some Time Ago... by Dethklok To dance to: This Corrosion by Sisters of Mercy To get freaknasty to: Some Kind of Stranger by Sisters of Mercy

What is something you want to do, but you don’t think you’ll ever be able to? >> I’d like to live in a community, like a real community where people know and support one another, and share things, and look out for each other’s children, and make you feel like you belong to them. I just... I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever have that.

Have you ever given something up for another person? >> Sure, I mean, I can’t think of any examples right off the top of my head, but I’m pretty sure that’s happened before.

What was wrong with you the last time you felt sick? >> Drank too much, probably.

What is something about your personality that you hope never changes? >> I hope I’m always curious about things and eager to learn.

If you could be famous/known for something, what would you want it to be? >> I really don’t know.

Do you prefer to watch movies with other people or by yourself? >> I like watching movies with other people! But sometimes people’s movie rules don’t match up with mine (like, I don’t mind people talking during movies unless they’re really deep ones and I need to concentrate... but a lot of people don’t want any talking at all, and that’s too much for me). And sometimes people are like... just no fun to watch movies with, you know the kind of person, where they complain about everything or say “that looks so fake lol” or stuff like that? Buzzkills. Fuck that. But! other than that, sure, I like to watch with other people. It’s fun.

What, if anything, are you trying to change about yourself? >> I’m not really trying to change anything, more trying to adapt to myself and be kinder and more patient to myself. Trying to live by example, yanno. And also I’m just tired of struggling with myself, lmao.

How would you describe your soul (old, young, wise, like some sort of animal, flower, etc)? >> I’m a Singularity! The infinite fathomless unknown core of a supermassive black hole, which could be anything from a single point of pure light to a silent void to an entire universe in its own right. The fact that we (humanity) don’t know what’s inside of a black hole makes it an infinity of possibilities (and I think that’s what it is anyway, not just ONE THING or THIS OTHER THING, but all things -- the Prim, the primordial soup, taking shapes when observed but otherwise purely infinite), and that’s me!

Where were you when you first listened to your favorite song? Did it become a favorite immediately or later on? >> Hmm... well, I know I was in New Orleans when I first heard Volbeat’s A Broken Man and the Dawn, which is one of my favourite songs. It did become a favourite immediately.

When was the last time you were embarrassed? >> I don’t remember. It’s not something that sticks, which is what I tell myself when I do get embarrassed -- I’m literally going to forget about it in a day, so no point dwelling on it. ...I think that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, though. If I don’t dwell on it, then I don’t form memory anchors, which is why I forget about it in a day. Ha! Brain: HACKED

When was the last time you felt especially good about yourself? >> Probably either the last time Hallie said something nice about me :’) or the last time Can Calah said something about his observations of me over time.

What was the last thing you ate? Would you have preferred something else? If so, what? >> I ate a veggie burger with spinach on it, and sweet maui onion chips. Also, it took me like four tries just now to remember how to spell “maui”, for some reason, lmfao. And nah, I was cool with that.

The last time you drank alcohol, what were you doing/who were you with? >> I drank a glass of Rosé yesterday because it was World Rosé Day. That’s an improvement, because usually I just drink the bottle lmfao but nope, just that one glass, and it took me like 2 hours to finish it! This is going better than I expected. I have decided not to drink again until Wednesday (because Wednesday, yanno), and I already set out what I’m going to drink that day and I’m not going to deviate from it. If you want to help hold me accountable, here’s what I chose: one (1) bottle of Backwoods Bastard and one (1) glass of 1000 Stories wine. That’s my limit! Anyway, back to the actual question -- I was just hanging out at home with Sparrow tumblin’ and watching Parts Unknown.

What kind of a drunk are you? >> A... talkative one? A giggly one? A maudlin one, oftentimes. I know the big thing is that people drink to forget their emotional stuff, but I drink to access it.

What’s the most fun you’ve ever had on a drug/trip? >> Oh, man, I don’t even know. There have been a lot of fun trips. So many. One time we took dex and went walking around the Upper West Side and ran into this band performing on the street and they said if you give them a word they’ll make up a song about it on the spot and Sigma said “otters” and Crystal said “threesomes” and so they made up a song about otter threesomes. I’ve seen and felt so much of the pure ridiculous amazingness of NYC while tripping that I can’t even process it all.

What’s the most dangerous or risky thing you’ve ever done? Did you enjoy it or regret it? >> I guess the times I’ve shipped myself across state lines to live with people I’d met online and never before seen in person until then. Like, you know, you hear the horror stories. But nothing close to that has ever happened to me.

From how far up have you fallen/jumped before? >> I threw myself down a flight of stairs once. On purpose. I was also todash, so. (I was completely fine after, physically. Yeah, I don’t know how, either.)

Other than this survey, what was the last thing to get on your nerves? >> THIS SURVEY IS BOMB WHAT DO YOU MEAN Uh... hmm. I don’t remember. :/a

What was the last thing to make you laugh? >> I don’t remember but I also just thought about BZONKED and started laughing again.

What is an inside joke you have between you and a friend/etc? >> Well there’s BZONKED and HOT GATORADE and also hey Hallie remember skagit... >:3

What was the last new thing you learned? >> I don’t remember.

How would you describe your blog content? Do you only reblog specific things or does anything go? >> My personal blog is just... stuff I love, I guess, and stuff I care about. But like, there’s stuff I love that I have other blogs for, specifically -- oedonvevo is for memes and shitposts and fandom overflow (stuff that I like but don’t necessarily want to clog my main blog with); and oedon is for my RPG fandom stuff, my OCs and headcanons; and fuzzbones is for cute shit. And this, of course, is for surveys.

When was the last time you left somewhere for forever (or at least don’t plan on returning)? >> I guess when I moved out of New York two years ago.

What is the most destructive thing you’ve done? >> I’m not sure.

What was the last big decision you made? Do you think you made the right choice? >> Psst this one’s a repeat question! ;D

What video game are you playing now? Do you prefer to play alone or with others/multiplayer games/online games? >> I’m playing like 48479837 at once, tbh. Nah, actually, right now I have World of Warcraft, Elder Scrolls Online, Final Fantasy XIV, Guild Wars 2, Pillars of Eternity, and Mass Effect Andromeda (which I feel like I’m NEVER going to finish) going. I also have save files on Torchlight II, Skyrim, Oblivion, Torment: Tides of Numenera, and a couple of others that I sometimes go back and poke around on. I just really love my video games, lmao. And I prefer to play by myself, because I have a low sense of confidence in my ability to play well with others. But as you can see, I also play four different MMOs, so I’m slowly learning how to get over my lack of confidence and just... ignore the assholes and look for the friendly people.

What was the last thing you found? >> MY SANITY yeah just kidding that’s still lost and I ain’t lookin for it

When will you be going out again and where? >> I’m not sure, actually.

Do you prefer to stay at home or do you like to be out and about? Where are your favorite places to go? >> I love to go out and about, but I... really don’t like where I live, unfortunately, so it’s a real downer. I spend a lot of time beating myself up about it, and I’m trying to stop, but you know... old habits. Also, like, I’m used to living in a big city, a big multicultural city, lived in one for most of my adult life, and it’s a hard adjustment, still. I don’t know how to meet people or do things here, nothing makes sense to me. And I feel culturally alienated as fuck. So, you know. I mostly just stay home. :/

Generally (or specificially, hell idc) what would you like your dream life to look like? >> I don’t really have a dream life, I just know I would like to live in a city again -- ideally New Orleans. And I want to have meatspace friends along with my internet friends! And I want to have money to travel.

When was the last time something about your life changed drastically/what happened? >> I guess the biggest recent change is getting back with Hallie, although like... you know how sometimes a big change happens and it should feel more strange, but it... isn’t? Like, I don’t want to diminish how big of a thing this is, but it also kind of just feels... comfortable enough that it doesn’t shake up my life a whole lot. There are things to adjust to, but they’re not like SUPER HARD OMG adjustments or anything, in fact they’re probably pretty helpful to my growth as a person, so I’m cool with them.

What is one talent you wish you had? What about one you are working on? >> Hmm. I’m not sure. I like the skills I have. :3 I guess I’m constantly working on my gaming skills, and I tend to think that I’m not improving but if you look back over the past 6 or so years, I have definitely improved. I can’t even deny that to myself. So that’s good!

What makes you feel “not good enough”? >> Thinking about employment.

What was the last thing you quit? >> I didn’t quit drinking, but I quit drinking the way I was drinking. 

What is one drug you want to try? With who/where? >> Shrooms, but I’m also... well, you know, after all the going-todash and whatnot, I’m understandably anxious about it. But I’d like to try it with a friend who is experienced with them and will do them with me, and a friend who will be sober and kinda just looking out for us (me especially lmao). That would be the ideal situation.

Has any movie totally freaked you out? What’s the craziest movie you’ve ever watched? >> District 9 did, but that was because I had been up for 4 days straight and my understanding of reality was starting to shit itself anyway. The craziest movie I’ve seen is probably Antichrist, or A Serbian Film, for two different reasons. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was also pretty wild, and so was Mirrormask. And let’s not discount Sunshine...

What is something you don’t like to do alone? >> Drugs.

What about something you only like to do alone (like, something besides the expected things)? >> I’m not sure. It’s really just the expected things. Most things I don’t like to do with just anyone, but that doesn’t mean I only want to do them by myself, either.

What is something you find difficult that many others do not? >> Employment.

When was the last time you smiled and why? >> I don’t remember. I don’t really notice when I do, all the time.

Do you like to help people? How about animals? Which would you rather help, if it applies? >> I guess so, yeah. Like, it’s not a huge impulse of mine or anything, but generally I’d prefer to be helpful than to be apathetic or hurtful. Although sometimes those other two things happen too, since I’m... a whole person and not just an archetype of one. Anyway, I’m probably biased towards humans, because... I am one, I guess. I don’t know. I like animals and I respect them, but what little affective empathy I have is reserved for people. It’s not an infinite resource, unfortunately. 

What was the last thing you wasted? >> I don’t remember. Probably water, like running the faucet or something.

What was your last purchase?  >> The two Zeal & Ardor albums off Amazon!

As an adult, what is the most & least you’ve weighed? >> 145, I’d say, and 110.

Who was the last person to leave your life and what caused this to happen, if anything? >> Sigma. It’s... well, it really is a long story, and I’m guessing it’ll get told in pieces over the course of survey-taking, but telling it in one shot is nigh impossible. There’s a lot of fucking shit to unpack.

What was the last compliment you recieved? Insult? >> The last compliment... probably from Hallie, in a survey, haha. I don’t remember the last insult.

What did you order at the last restaurant you went to? >> The last place I ordered food at was Wendy’s and I got a chicken sandwich and fries.

When you are sad/etc, what kinds of things help you feel less shitty? >> Funny/cute TV shows, music, stuffed animals (stim therapy in general, like wrapping up in a blanket or finding a way to pressure-stim or doing repetitive motion), people doing silly shit or memes (that depends, though, sometimes it doesn’t get through to me but sometimes it does!), sitting outside on a sunny quiet day for a little bit, watching animals doing animal things, eating a good food (especially if someone brought it for me).

What’s the latest you’ve stayed up this past week? Latest you slept in? >> I haven’t stayed up late at all! I’ve been going to bed at midnight and it’s been working pretty well so far. The latest I’ve slept was to about 10a but that was also because I got woken up in the middle of my sleep so my REM cycle and shit was all thrown off.

Is there anything you feel like you have to do every single day or its not complete? >> Hmm... a survey ;D lmao I don’t know

What was the last chore you did? >> I don’t remember.

What is causing the most stress/anxiety in your life right now? Will this situation end/resolve soon? >> Nothing specific, just like... feelings of personal doom and stuff like that, nothing logical, just... todash leftovers, I guess. I hope it resolves soon, but I’m afraid I might just have to... live like this. :T I wonder if there’s a like... chill anti-anxiety med I can take sometimes or something.

When you think about outer space, what thoughts/feelings come to mind? >> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the most immature thing you do (or laugh at)? >> I laugh at stupid sex jokes all the time. Like, the stupider the better. “hurr hurr bone” that sort of thing.

Have you ever intentionally hurt someone? >> Yeah. I’m a sadist and I’ve known at least one masochist, soooo.... ;p But if you mean like.... in a mean nonconsensual way, maybe? I don’t remember any specific times, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t ever.

What was the last lie you told? Did anyone notice? Did you feel bad? >> I don’t remember. I don’t really have much use for lies. 

When was the last time you went to the doctor? >> February or so.

Have you ever been in therapy? If so, what did you think of the experiences? >> Yes, and now I’ve got all this NEW trauma to unpack! THANKS, THERAPY!!!

What kinds of clothing do you like to wear? >> Oh, a bunch. I just don’t feel like... comfortable in everything, you know? Like even stuff I like! I like it on other people, or I like it in the store, but when I put it on it’s just Wrong. I’m either the wrong height or the wrong weight or my features don’t fit the look or I’m too ungainly in it or... I don’t know. Meh.

What is something you like that no one else you know likes too? >> I mean, I know a lot of people (online lol), so... yeah, I don’t think there’s anything like this.

What is something you don’t like that everyone seems to like? >> Napoleon Dynamite. I just didn’t like it, but it’s not like... a big deal or anything. Sometimes you just don’t like things. I just think it’s funny that I can’t think of anyone else who doesn’t like it.

Do you judge other people based on the foods they eat? >> Nah. Life is short, brah. Eat up (or don’t? hehe).

Do you follow a particular diet/meal-plan/ethic? >> No, I think the closest thing to a “diet” that I’d like to follow is the Mediterranean diet, but that’s because I love Mediterranean food and the whole food culture and everything. It’s really just about what makes me feel good to eat, what I enjoy seeing on a plate, what just speaks to me, and that’s it.

Are you involved in politics or do you tend to avoid them? Is there a reason for this? >> I tend to avoid them, because I don’t know shit about shit and while I care about specific things (like, I think I should be able to live without facing violence because of some aspect of my identity, yanno), I don’t.... I don’t really have enough rage to like... be an activist or anything. I support people who are fighting for these things! I just... it’s not my thing. And actual politics, like who’s in government? I just assume they’re all corrupt -- not because they’re bad people, but because they’re caught in this sticky web of a system where you’re forced to be ruthless and conniving and two-faced and like... after a while it becomes normal for you. I would hate to be a politician, because no matter how you start out, you either end up dying or living long enough to see yourself become the villain. That’s just how it is. :c

What is a subject you tend to avoid with other people, for whatever reason? >> Religion. Because inevitably someone’s going to start talking about how all religion is bad, and then I’ll have to leave. (But like, my friends and SOs are fine! I actually love talking about religion with people that are into it the way I am, like it’s a big special interest of mine and I am so excited when I run into people who enjoy talking about religion and culture and mythology and how important it all is to being human. I even like talking to people who have become disillusioned with organised religion and have ideas about how they’d like it to be, or even just people who have the same religious traumas I have and are trying to cope. But like... well, you know. Some People, lmao. Can’t talk about shit with them.)

When was the last time you changed your mind about something? What made things change? >> I don’t remember, but listen, I’m a Gemini, I change my mind all the time.

If there was a colony on Mars and you could actually feasibly go live there, would you want to? >> HELL YEAH WTF THAT’D BE DOPE AS SHIT but like can I have dual citizenship because I also love Earth and I wouldn’t want to leave it forever-forever :’(

What kinds of things make you homesick, or do you get homesick very much? >> Photos of Jackson Square or the Mississippi River, zydeco music, certain foods and smells, a bag of Zapp’s from Potbelly, Purple Haze beer, certain songs in my library... and yeah, I get homesick all the time. It’s a real problem.

What is the longest (or most involved) thing you’ve ever written? >> I wrote a story that’s still up on deviantART, called Once Thought Damned, and it’s basically really derivative of the kind of books I was into back then (paranormal erotic romance), but I also still really love those characters and the stories I was trying to tell in my fumbling “haven’t found my voice yet” sort of way, and I still think about them all the time. But yeah, I think it’s... at least 50k words long, and took me a few years to finish. So I’m proud of that.

If you could choose, would you be yourself or someone else? >> I don’t know what it’s like to be anyone but me, so how could I choose? Hell, selfhood is weird enough as it is without this question messin me up xD

What is something you really like - it could be anything - just gush! >> Oh, I would gush, but also I need to conserve my energy, this is a long survey! ;D

What about something you just can’t stand, a pet peeve, a resentment, etc? >> I really don’t like when people make fun of people for being excited about things. It doesn’t matter what the thing is. I just... I really don’t like that. You don’t have to like whatever it is, but just... don’t fucking piss on their parade, okay? No one asked for your downer ass opinion anyway.

What is the highest elevation you’ve been to? >> I don’t know! I guess it was probably someplace in Colorado, though.

What do you think of love? >> I think it’s fascinating. I think I don’t understand it most of the time, and that’s okay too. I think sometimes that love is the exact nature of the willful force that shapes reality. I think it’s something science should leave to the poets and mystics, although science never will, because that’s the nature of science, and that’s... actually okay, too.

What is one food you used to like but no longer do? >> Cosmic Brownies. I used to eat them a lot because they’re cheap and calorie-dense and when you’re on food stamps that’s pretty great. But... god. GOD. I could gag just thinking about them, now.

How would you describe your eating habits? >> I don’t know that I can! I try to eat as well as possible but I also try not to give into neurosis about it (that uh... orthorexia? is that what it’s called? that’s a hole that’s really fuckin easy to fall into). I try to enjoy what I eat. I try to go for variety and colour and fun arrangements and weird combinations. I try to show love for myself by eating things that make me feel good.

Do you prefer to live with others or by yourself? Why is this? >> I prefer to live with others because I’m crazy, and I spiral downwards really quickly by myself. I depend on others to keep me grounded, because I’m not exactly fully... In Reality(tm). I also have a lot of, uh... like, weird autistic issues like the idea of cleaning bathrooms making me want to scream and claw my skin off, so it’s nice to live with someone who doesn’t have those issues and is willing to do it for me. Also, I literally cannot afford to live by myself, so, you know.

What scares you about getting older? >> The idea of infirmity isn’t a fun one. I’ve been spoiled by having a healthy body all these years, the idea of the slow decline is therefore unnerving. But I think I can handle that, realistically, I just... fear(tm). Also, of course, I’m afraid I’ll never stop being anxious about death. I want to know that I’ll have enough time to come to terms with it.

What is one thing you find attractive? >> Vulnerability. (Which is probably at the root of a lot of my kinks, like desperation and shit.)

Who did you last tell a secret to? Or just sensitive info? >> lmao I told Hallie who the person was that I had a crush on but didn’t want to mention in the survey I’d taken. :p

What kind of blogs do you follow? >> Man I follow almost 900 blogs, I don’t even know where to begin. (I used to follow around 1200, so that’s actually a conservative number for me.)

Have you made any good friends online? How long have you known them? >> Sure, I suppose I could say that. I’ve had some mutuals for anywhere from 6 months to like 4+ years. And there’s Elle, who I’ve known since my VF days, so since 2009. Almost ten years!

What is something really weird/embarrassing that you’ve done? >> I tried to use one of those menstrual cup things once and then I couldn’t get it out and I had a meltdown in the bathroom and Sigma had to come take it out for me. That’s the first thing that came to mind, lmao. I fucking hate those things with a violent passion and I will never use one again.

What about something you’ve done that sounds too wild to believe? >> I had a one-night stand with Aur-elio Vol/taire. (I put the slash and dash in to keep his name out of searches, lmao.)

What does it mean to you to trust someone? >> I guess that I give them the tools to hurt me with the faith that they won’t use those tools in that way (not intentionally anyway -- so I also have the faith that if they do hurt me, it’s probably unintentional and I should at least give them a chance to explain themselves). Or something like that.

What was the last thing you drank? >> Water.

What’s the weather doing where you are? >> It’s cool and cloudy.

What was the last thing to go completely wrong? >> Oh man I tried to make this fuckin flapjack cup microwave thing last week sometime and I put water in it instead of milk by accident and it just came out so bad. (It says water OR milk but let me tell you, it means JUST MILK, anything else is GROSS)

What kinds of things do you like to talk about? >> I can’t think of too many things I don’t like to talk about. I just don’t like to talk about some things with just anyone.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? >> I don’t remember. Probably Sparrow making fun of me for being a thirsty binch.

Name a book or movie from childhood that holds a special place in your heart? >> The Phantom Tollbooth.

What are some of your favorite words/word meanings? >> My mind is starting to melt lmao I don’t want to think this hard

When was the last time you procrastinated something? >> I procrastinated vacuuming and then I just straight up forgot to do it at all.

What mood/attitude do you tend to have when taking surveys, or does it vary? >> Usually I’m just... chill, like I usually am.

Has another survey-taker ever bitched you out for one of your answers?  >> Probably, in the past when the survey-taking crowd was a little more incestuous.

Have you ever bitched anyone out for theirs? >> No, that’s just rude.

How did you celebrate the most recent holiday? >> I don’t celebrate Memorial Day lmao fuck that it was MY BIRTHDAY and THAT’S IT

How does your birthday make you feel? >> Pretty good, usually.

How would you describe your relationship with your parents? Has it always been this way? >> I never knew my mother (she tried to visit a few times but she didn’t seem to want to know who I was, really, and I’m pretty sure at least one of those visits was just a ploy to try to get back in bed with my dad or something), and my relationship with my father has been tempestuous and not entirely great at times because he was not very compassionate and I was a seething bundle of traumas and emotional neglect but I still love and appreciate him. Unfortunately I’ve lost contact with him and I don’t know how to regain it, so that’s that, I guess.

What is the longest amount of time you’ve spent alone (or mostly alone, since this is the age of the internet and all, hah)? >> I’m not sure. I mean, I lived alone for almost a year (2009) with minimal outside contact and that was... hell... but like... normally I’m never alone for that long.

What was the last thing you asked for help with?  >> I don’t remember. But I finished this survey! It was very good. c: