#JUST FUCKING CRY ALREADY
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CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY
GODDAMMIT, JUST LET IT OUT ALREADY.
#GODS WHY WONT YOU LISTEN#WHY WONT YOU BEHAVE#JUST FUCKING CRY ALREADY#THEY HATE YOU#roblox myth#roblox myths#roblox myth community#dolly the gardener#dolly mime#. . .#why is this happening to me
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actually sometimes being neurodivergent is great bc you have a particular kind of Silly Mode that just . manifests glory. harmless fun is my precious side quest & i have a high score in whimsy. like okay if i gotta be the first dork in the dance pit it's gonna be me and this random toddler and we're gonna avril-style rock ouuuuttt
#i also like starting applause i'm really good at it and have a high score in it#i make entire groups cheer a lot. my friends are used to it . i am bolstered by so many of them being theatre kids#im like. let's celebrate! :) a guy did a thing well!!! :)#once we helped someone parallel park and it was SUCH a hard road to do it on#this is in boston. so death be upon drivers. also it was during st. anthony's feast. in the north end. iykyk#and we helped her get in there (one of my friends tbh stood in traffic for her)#and we cheered when she finally parked. she got out and she was crying and laughing and was like#''that was the hardest thing ive ever done ur so sweet''' and meanwhile we were PARTYING#just stone cold sober but like YEAH GIRL YOU DID THE HARD THING FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!#i've been bullied for so much lol i am immune to most insults at this point bc im like#girl when i was 12 i'd already heard every insult and good lord were they specific. just plain ''crazy'' aint it
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no!!!!!! 8 episodes will kill patient!!!!!!!! he needs 12-24 episodes some of which is light-hearted filler to live!!!!!!!!!!!!
#this was about shows in general but dw is on my mind#like the new season was so fawking good but oh my god it's so heavy. hrgh#I know this isnt the fault of the ppl making the show it's just that fucking everything has to be 8 episodes now#well stop!!!! please!!!!!!!!! aaaa!!!!!!!!#15 clearly going thru it yelling and crying in the upcoming christmas special WOULD be exciting but that's also the#plot of every single episode in the preceding season...#i dont think him being miserable at christmas is bad in fact it's great. im saying the absence of the#5 episodes that would've been 0 stakes fun adventures is making itself very very felt and obvious#like imagine season 4 which is already pretty much just unending misery WITHOUT the few fun fillers we get. lethal and#not in a good way. sometimes you need to breathe!!!#that does not excuse pl.anet of the d.ead being ass but yknow. at least it doesn't make me cry for an hour#doctor who#dw text#barking
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How… Do I recover from this…?
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha#mha#dabi#touya todoroki#bnha dabi#mha dabi#bnha season 7#mha season 7#i’m just… after the episode my mind went blank completely… and then i started sobbing… because what the fuck…#i feel even more heartbroken than i already did and literally can’t stop crying…#bruh i can’t… i’m completely shattered… i couldn’t take screenshots without stopping for few moments to cry over dabi…#he has suffered so much… endured so much… i feel sick to my stomach omfg…#and some of y’all want me to change my mind about endeavor??? HELL NAH I NOW HATE HIM EVEN MORE ACTUALLY#so congrats to all of you that wanted dabi fans to be more understanding toward the walking garbage: it didn’t work#and never will. he needs and deserves to rot in fucking hell
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atla modern au where suki & zuko are life guards for the summer and sokka just keeps drowning
#i have the feeling sm already though of this bfr but i just had this idea & i LOVEIT#atla#zuko#sokka#suki#zukki#sukka#zukka#zuki#sm PLS write that im begging and crying#i just love the idea of these 3 being so fucking stupid#sokka faking the hell out of it and zuko is almost tired of his bullshit#keyword almost#sukis just having fun with all this#at some point theyll start taking turns to save him
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Different standards
#didnt mean to do this one in quote unquote colour but it wasnt legible without it so. heres a treat i suppose#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#coughs up a lung. anyway. ramble time as per usual. this is what i was warming up for btw in case it wasnt obvious#besides being another entry in the 'letting bonnie read loop for filth on accident' series. this is mostly self indulgent musings on#headcanons (and i will just use that word here.) ive previously rambled about in other tags and posts#namely: in the scenario that loop integrates into the party as a New Person for quite a while before The Truth Come Out. i feel they have#a decent chance at really scoring a slam dunk in becoming a guardian figure for bonnie? loop's demeanor is already colder and a tiny#bit more level-headed than siffrin's in the way they seem to discuss bonnie with them. namely pointing out that bonnie#never really hated them. it seems to be one thing they're genuinely at peace with? they've seen by now the truth that bonnie#was just scared and upset. and likely now knows that what bonnie wants is to be treated with grown-up respect within reason. plus loop#already scores bonus points with bonnie since they didnt 1. fuck up bad like sif did in act 5 and 2. saved sif in the party's eyes#... but then when it turns out that this clean-slate relationship with a stranger was siffrin being deceitful? must have been odd.#bonnie seems to really dislike being lied to. the question is whether they'd see it that way? would they feel betrayed there?#anyway. this is set after all those emotions are at least settled some. loop able to be more physically affectionate... and yet#still not letting themselves be quite as close as they'd like perhaps. perhaps...#anyway translucent pyjamas because i dont care if you're comforting a crying child you've GOT to SERVE!!!#and also i feel like the party probably wouldn't let loop stay completely naked for that long. especially not post-reveal anyway
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
#feels like it is SO fundamental to understanding laios on a deep level#idk something about not expecting ‘common sense’ from babies#something about how he is so deeply laios. maybe im just projecting#but that comic resonates with me SO hard#the lack of expression (taking her in) and the way he looks up for permission#and by that time his father already knows? that hes looking for permission to leave. he doesnt say it. he just looks.#and then! he runs to his kitty! and whispers like its a secret! hes a big brother now kitty!#and he whispers to the chickens! he’s got a little sister chickens! shes called falin doggies!#to see laios as an adult and to know he cares for his sister is par for the course#to see that he was enamored with her the second he met her and told all of his friends is just. fuck#they tell you many times in the series that these siblings care for each other above ALL ELSE#like knowing that all people die is separate from knowing there is no reality for either of them that doesnt contain their sibling#im going insane over the touden siblings#but i think kabru would go through these same motions and cry idk#dunmeshi#labru#if you squint#kabru of utaya#laios touden#falin touden#dungeon meshi#bumblysdumbly
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in an au where jason is going to college while doing red hood stuff, i just think it would be funny if a reconciliation between him and bruce gets kickstarted all because talia got invited to go to his college graduation and bruce didn’t even know that jason was in college or that he was graduating college until talia called him up just to brag about it.
#batman#dc comics#dc universe#dcu#red hood#jason todd#jason peter todd#batfamily#bruce wayne#talia al ghul#jason todd au#dc#jason todd dc#crack au#imagine being bruce wayne and having to deal with the fact that your ex/the mother of your child knows more your estranged son than you do#talia al ghul is the goat#jason todd and bruce wayne#the fact that jason is so willing to tell talia all the things going on in his life and not bruce must irk bruce really bad lmao#before anyone gets any ideas i do love bruce it’s just fun to dunk on him (it’s how i show my love)#lmaooo#batfam crack au#damian is listening to bruce bitch and moan about it and is totally on jason’s side because he’s a true mama’s boy and he does the same#damian wayne#dc crack#when bruce goes to complain to jason jason just blinks and tells him that he thought that bruce already knew because he’s a stalker#after finding out that bruce was not stalking his every move jason starts fake crying bc does that mean bruce doesn’t love him anymore#idk i just think it’s funny when the batkids fake cry just to fuck with bruce#batfam#bruce wayne after having kids: peace? i don’t know her?#the batkids should get to terrorize that old man (bruce not alfred btw) every chance they get it’s what they deserve lmao
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I love you, Erin Greene. I’ve loved you my whole life. One way or another. I love you, too. I did my best. I did my best.
MIDNIGHT MASS (2021) | Book V: Gospel
#midnight mass#midnightmassedit#horroredit#dailyflicks#tvedit#dailynetflix#mikeflanaganuniverse#flanaganhorror#thehauntingsource#horror#my gifs#shoutout to this fucking episode#the only episode to ever make me cry so hard i threw up#i almost cried giffing this#and i watched it TWO YEARS AGO#im not currently stable enough for a rewatch#also hey giffing this i found the script???#and oh my god#the way this scene is described and written#just shoot me already#''he smiles looking into the redeeming sunlight#and TAKES IT [her hand].#and he hold onto her#in the silence and brilliance of the morning -#WE CUT BACK''#LIKE FUCK YOU
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being so honest right now heathertail should’ve taken every plotline given to harestar and then built on them & it’s a disservice to the po3-oots arcs that she didn’t. she has a disregard for the parts of the code she disagrees with, and she’s been turned away by a member of the three as a result, first with compassion but then viciously, with him swearing her as his enemy and threatening her straight after nearly murdering her mentor. he comes close to killing her and the book tells us she *knows* it.
seeing the dark forest pick up on this rivalry, on the way she’s been unfairly treated by lionblaze, and taking advantage of it would have been really interesting. it would have given way more set-up to her relationship with breezepelt and given her more agency in it then being the wife who fixes him later on. it would’ve given her an arc of her own. it would have given her a long-lasting and present relationship with lionblaze, making his chapters significantly stronger. seeing this rebellious little apprentice go from a friendly presence to a serious threat created by the flaws of the main character & the clan system would be fun.
and then eventually, after lionblaze has lost his powers and is struggling, we would see heathertail grow behind the scenes and eventually ascend to leadership of windclan. maybe they would reconcile, maybe they would remain a bitter reminder to each other of the past and what could have been, of childhood friendship tarnished with clan patriotism and needless violence. who knows. but id love to read about it.
#heathertail#lionblaze#po3#oots#wc#warrior cats#everything to do with heathertail & lionblaze makes me really angry but also makes me want to cry#she’s treated so fucking badly!!! and we barely get to see how she deals with that!!!#she was so upset when lionblaze said goodbye. reading all her scenes at once is so upsetting#because you see her go from begging lionblaze to stay friends with her to finally accepting it only to have him turn on & threaten her#for something she probably didn’t even do. and even if she did do she only did after he’d already disavowed their secret#this is very rambly. im upset#she reminds me so much of myself. oh heatherpaw we’re really in it now#i just want good things for her so badly
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my brainrot about these two can be measured in liters
#dreamworks trolls#trolls#ex bandmates#trolls oc#hed#les#my art#this drawing is very old already but i really wanted to write a oneshot to go with it#because i have story in my mind that led to this particular moment#but ALAS. no motivation for writing#lets just say he had a shit class meeting about their end of elementary school prom where he got singled out and everyone collectively...#...decided that he can't participate in the traditional dance because he's too short (unless. an asshole classmate proposed. he finds...#..a dancing partner in like the 2nd grade. and the class teacher looked thoughtful instead of reprimanding that student.)#basically no one not even his friends stood up for him and it made him feel like a class nuisance they were trying to sweep under the rug#living in vibe city made him such an outcast in general. he did a lot of crying over wanting to be a funk troll and fit in :((#and of course les would blame himself for every one of his problems#ughuguguhugh#i have shed physical tears thinking about these two idiots who can't let go of resentment for each other but also love each other so so muc#fuck i'm crying again#someone put me out of my misery#hedley#leslie
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She’s such a good mother figure it makes me cry.
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Quick something because my brain has rotted to a degree.
#art#fanart#my art#original art#Steven universe#Steven universe fanart#Steven universe fan art#su#su garnet#garnet su#Steven universe garnet#garnet Steven universe#garnet#eyestrain#?#I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losiNG MY MARBLES#so silly#NEXT MONTH IS JULY. FINALS AND UHHH PROJECTS YEAH fuck science fairs I thought it was gonna be exciting but can’t be happy with mental illne#ss#venting aside I absolutely love garnet she’s my favorite she’s the mother I want to have. already love my mother but can’t she just be her#oh yeah her fusion with amethyst GURL ITS NICKI MINAJ#MEOOOOW slay slayslayslayslay#I have not watched steven universe though I do not know shit I just know that I want to be adopted by garnet#crying right now#I didn’t know that missing therapy one time would fuck me up this hard
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i know theres not much of a fandom here for the will of the many but ,,,.., i just finished it and.,,,,, im in shambles. life is moving around me and I'm still in shock. I have things to do but i cant even think. what,, am i supposed to do. just go on? pretend im okay with this till the next one comes out??? I FEEL LIKE A ZOMBE. I FEEL LIKE NOTHING MATERS. ALL I FEEL IS-
i dont think ive ever been hit by a book hangover as much as this like wtf even was that /pos HELLO??? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME??? LKSJFLSKJBFLKSJBFLKSBFK:BSF:KBSF:KJBHSF:KJ
#the only way forward is to live in a state of denial#i need someone to talk to abt it but every time i even think too hard i start to shake like a wet dog#please please if you come across this in the void somehow and havent read it PLEASE give it a shot#actually pro tip- dont fucking do that#the will of the many#james islington#already read the one and only fic thank you for your service 🙏#I wanna chat spoilers but honestly i dont even know where to start#if [redacted] doesn't come back its on sight#give me my scrungle or give me death#when i tell you i was ugly crying its an understatement.#SPEAKING OF#[redacted]/vis would have been cannon if the author wasn't such a- [GUNSHOTS] (/lh)#hi hello its been a day but im back bc i cant stop thinking about this#“im going to make sure you burn for this” okay and im just supposed to be okay?? after all that??? IM JUST SUPOSED TO MOVE ON?????
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I am: Heartbroken…
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha#mha#dabi#touya todoroki#bnha dabi#mha dabi#bnha season 7#mha season 7#i just… what the fuck??? i’m already crying now… imagine when the episode will drop…#can’t do this… horikoshi please give him a happy ending because this is so…#you already deprived us of shigaraki twice toga and magne don’t deprive us of him too…#why do manga authors always love to self-sabotage and sabotage the best characters??? what happened to being actually good writers???#like— YOU OKAY THERE???? HORI BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP AND FOR ME TO COME AND SAVE YOU FROM YOUR EDITORS 😭#because how do you make peoples who have already suffered enough… suffer even more??? that’s crazy… stop all this deadass???
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pt.3 of my horror au! you can find pt.1 here and pt.2 here!
cw mild horror, fear
johnny opens his eyes
or- he thinks he does
it’s completely black, not a speck of light to be found anywhere; certainly not the lantern he’s started keeping on by his bed or the moonlight that should be coming through the curtains
he remembers falling asleep on the couch; he was exhausted after ripping out the fresh carpet from the sitting room, the pristine thing at odds with the smoke stained walls. it didn’t match any of the carpets or rugs in the rest of the house, too modern compared the vintage fittings and, new or not, that bothered him so it had to go
he just hadn’t been expecting the giant brown stain embedded in the hardwood underneath
he was turning over the pros and cons of buying a floor sander if he ever stopped foot off the property again, promising himself he was only resting his eyes for a moment, and before he knew it, he was out
now he doesn’t even know if he’s awake
“ghost?” johnny whispers. his voice echoes strangely; muted like he’s an in enclosed but long space and bouncing off things he can’t even hope to see
he has no idea where he is. he’s not in the basement, not with how dark it is; even the little cloudy window would be a wellspring of light compared to this. it smells damp too; musty with stillness, like not much air gets to it
johnny sets a hand in the soft dirt beneath him and sits up, some kind of cloth falling off his shoulders. he reaches out with shaking hands, searching for any kind of balance - a wall, furniture, something - and slowly gets to his feet
“ghost, you here?”
his fingers meet nothing but open air and he almost tips over. he has no equilibrium, nothing grounding him; the dark so all-consuming, he might as well have not moved at all
air dances over his cheek and he gasps and spins around when a large hand latches around his wrist and johnny hisses as he’s tugged blindly forward
“ghost?” he asks and the hand tightens
he doesn’t know what to do with the relief trying to warm his belly
“hey, slow- slow down, i can’t see,” he gasps, stumbling over the uneven ground. the whole thing bowed and curved, gravel flicking out into the depths with every step like it was carved out by hand and never smoothed out
johnny swallows hard and clutches at ghost’s arm with his other hand
“ghost, can… can we go back upstairs?” he whispers, futilely pulling at his sleeve. something old and animal in him claws at the inside of his skull, baying and screaming that he not raise his voice; to not break this unnatural still darkness too harshly. “please?”
ghost just leads him deeper into the void
until he suddenly stops and johnny covers his mouth to mute the beginnings of the scream ripping from his throat when he runs into his back. he digs his fingers into his cheek, forcing a slow breath through his nose
“…you want to show me something?” he guesses and flinches as the air in front of him rushes like ghost’s moving very quickly. something scratches, like rock on rock, and he flinches as he takes his other wrist and cups his hands around something big
ghost’s hands fall away and johnny reflexively clutches the thing to his chest
“don’t leave,” he begs. “please don’t leave me down here.”
silence
he runs his dry tongue over his lips. “ghost?”
those same hands close around his biceps and johnny all but melts into the body-warmth at his back. ghost smooths down his arms, covering his hands with his, and pulls the thing away from his chest to eye-level
like he expects johnny to be able to see it
the way he can
johnny frowns, rubbing over the thing with his thumb. it’s heavier than he expected from the sound it made along the ground; smoother than the rocks he’s seen around the property and the gravel he kicked around down here
ghost’s chin drops on his shoulder and he jumps, pausing as he rolls into his neck and he can clearly feel the wide grin on his face
he blinks and something makes him press back into him, to try and see him with his body. there’s a cleft in his top lip he’s never noticed before and he’s practically shaking, rocking against his back like he’s trying to urge him to go quicker
johnny spins the rock around in his hands, trying to feel what it is, what would make ghost so - almost childishly - excited. his fingers catch on a crater, shallow and smooth like it’s been carved away. he drags his fingers down and feels another, around the same size. his frown deepens and his fingers slow as he finds another hole, this one going straight into the rock
ghost shifts behind him, his grin widening against his skin and something in johnny curdles, his hair standing on end
it feels like he’s not breathing, the dark so complete it’s stealing the air from his very lungs as he works his fingers down the rock; stuttering when the texture suddenly changes. he hits a fissure, then another, another; curls his fingers underneath and feels it flatten out. strangely familiar grooves run along it before it changes and becomes thinner, becomes sharp-
johnny screams
johnny screams and drops the human skull ghost placed in his hands
he throws himself away from ghost and runs blindly into an earth wall. he scratches at the uneven surface, screams still ripping from his throat and feels wet heat on his fingers as his nails scrape and break. his voice cracks, almost shrieking when ghost’s arms suddenly wrap around his waist and pull him back into his chest
“let me out!” johnny screams, fighting his arms, trying to run but run where it’s too dark- “please, let me out, let me out, please!”
ghost’s body curls over his, effortlessly holding him in place as he wrenches in his grip and wails and /screams/. he presses his face into the side of his head and johnny strains to get away, to stop touching him, to run-
and falters when he feels the contours of his face
ghost isn’t smiling anymore
“please,” johnny sobs brokenly, his legs going out from under him. but ghost tightens his grip and doesn’t let him fall. “let me out… please, i wanna get out. please, please…”
he keeps begging, mindless and panicked and almost screams again when ghost tugs him back a step, his fingers digging into his clothes. he doesn’t want to touch the skull again, he doesn’t want ghost to leave him, he doesn’t want to be lost in the dark-
ghost’s giant hands grip under his thighs, pulling him up and he slings his legs around his waist, burying his face in his throat as he sobs
his weight tilts and johnny flinches as his back suddenly touches dirt, arching up into ghost’s body to get away from it- he doesn’t want to be underground anymore, he doesn’t want to be buried anymore-
ghost wraps an arm under his back, holding him tight to his body, and johnny shrinks even more at the scrape of dirt and brick against the outside of their shoulders as he crawls them through some kind of hole
his weight shifts again, falling into the cradle of ghost’s hips, and he sobs at the feeling of going up
the arm crawling them forward presses against his armpit and johnny cringes at the screech of metal on concrete as ghost shoves something out of the way, involuntarily peeking out behind him
and gasps in pure relief at the moonlight streaming through the basement window; the dim yet powerful light making his eyes ache after so long in such total darkness
he can’t bear to look away from it, even as his eyes twitch and squint, still clinging to ghost as he crawls them across the basement to the stairs. he gets to his feet, not even stumbling with johnny’s added weight, and he strains to keep looking out the window as he climbs up. only when they reach the top step does he wrench his eyes away, desperately searching for the nearest window
and ghost seems to know it; angling him to look out the dining room into the backyard as he carries him to the couch he fell asleep on
johnny keeps his fingers tangled in his hood as he sets him down, holding him close. he doesn’t even try to pull back and he feels him drop to kneel between his legs, compressing himself down the way a man of his size shouldn’t be able to
his breath stutters on an inhale and johnny forces himself to drag his eyes away from the light, to take his first real look at the source of all his terror; the ghost in his walls…
and he’s just a man
his hair has been hacked at, patches ripped out and uneven, too fine to dread but matted together all the same. thinner patches struggle to grow through shiny scar tissue; some blunt and wide, others looking like burns. but beneath the caked in dirt and years of grease… it might be blonde
his hoodie and jeans sit tight and loose in turn like they were bought for the build of a very different man, hiding dirty skin so pale he didn’t even know it was possible, almost /translucent/; veins bright and bulging beneath his skin like he’s never seen sunlight
and with the size and complexity of the cavern under the basement… maybe he hasn’t
but it’s his face johnny gets caught on
his light lashes do nothing to hide the fine scars dug around his eyes, like he scratched at them with his fingernails and after only his short time in the dark, he can guess why he did it. his pupils look permanently dilated, forcing away the deep brown of his irises; unblinking, desperate to take in as much light as possible. more scars cut through his skin, so old and light they almost blend in, difficult to see through the dirt staining his skin
but none of it, the scars, the filth, the uncanny wrongness…
none of it hides how beautiful he is
ghost slowly reaches up and johnny freezes as he brings his thumb to his cheek, wiping through the sticky tear tracks on his skin. it makes his sleeve fall back and his heart seizes at the thick, ragged band of scarring ringing his wrist
he swallows heavily as ghost brings it back to his mouth, sucking his tears from his skin. it splits the cleft in his upper lip wider, splaying over his thumb. ghost doesn’t look away and johnny’s heart beats loud in his ears as he reaches for his hand, tangling his fingers through his own, and lifts it to his mouth
his hand shakes as he gently runs his thumb over his bottom lip, catching on his chapped skin and the smaller scars splitting it, but ghost stops his hand; moving his thumb up to his top lip
the cleft matches up to a thick scar running up his cheek, just skirting his nose and almost meeting his eye and johnny’s violently reminded of the body’s worth of blood stained into the floor of the sitting room
“the sk-…” he falters, a shudder creeping up his spine as he remembers the feel of it in his hands. “the person downstairs; did they do this to you?”
ghost cocks his head and johnny’s thumb slips into his mouth, caressing his inner lip
“did… did they put you down there? in the dark?” he tries again
he sucks at his thumb, a gentle self-soothing pressure
“the couple who used to live here…” johnny breathes, slow with realisation. the couple who lived here for thirty years. the couple the realtor refused to tell him anything about…
“they were your parents.”
but she never said anything about a child
“your parents put you down there,” he repeats and feels sick with grief for a boy he’ll never know. “was… was it your mother?”
ghost rears up on his knees, crawling above him and caging him in against the couch and johnny gasps as he lets out an animalistic snarl in his face, spittle flying onto his cheek
“sorry, i’m sorry, it wasn’t her- it wasn’t her, i know she didn’t do it,” johnny rushes out, flattening himself against the couch and tries to pull his hand away when he presses into it even harder, his thumb pressed to his eye tooth
ghost pants, teeth still bared in a deranged snarl. his mouth twitches, lips slowly falling to cover his teeth. his tongue runs over his lips, gathering the spit from them and tickling the edges of his thumb
“y-your father…?” he tries and his breath catches as he nods
johnny slowly copies him, still pressed back into the couch
ghost’s eyes flicker up at him like he’s checking his reaction and keeps lapping at his thumb, long almost apologetic passes of his tongue as he works down to his palm. he leans in and johnny’s breath stutters as he laves his tongue up his cheek, cleaning up the spit. ghost lets out a low groan, nibbling along his cheekbone and goosebumps prickle his skin
he sinks back down, mouthing a trail down his throat and he shivers as he bites at his collar, tugging it away with his teeth to expose his collarbone
“ghost…” johnny sighs and he pauses
ghost noses at his sternum and sits back on his heels, nuzzling his forehead into his belly as he pulls something from the front pocket of his hoodie
something heavy tumbles out with it but he ignores it in favour of the bundle of cloth ghost pushes into his hands, wrapping his arms around his hips and sinking his chin into his thigh. johnny’s heart sinks as he gently unfolds it, careful of the unthreading edges and torn holes and has to bite his lip hard
it’s a ragged patchwork blanket; hardly big enough to cover a child. and hand embroidered onto it, in faded and dirtied gold thread is a single word
“simon,” he reads, tracing the once-loved letters
simon perks up in his lap, making a gurgling almost purr in the back of his throat; the closest thing to speech he’s heard from him in the month he’s lived here
“your name is simon,” johnny breathes
he thought he considered everything about how he ended up a prisoner in his own house; a serial killer toying with his food, a stalker he never noticed, a random psychopath chomping at the bit for his next victim and johnny was just unlucky enough to draw his attention
but if this is the only thing simon has left, his only proof of before… he’s been down there, left alone in the rotting dark, for decades
since he was a child
“i’m so sorry, simon,” johnny whispers thickly
but simon just frowns
like he’s never heard an apology in his life
johnny presses his eyes shut for a moment, just for a moment; to let himself feel the pain and the fear and the grief, then refolds the blanket just as tenderly as he opened it. he presses it into simon’s chest and his heart catches at the way he hugs it tight, dropping his chin to nuzzle into the fabric
he flinches as he takes his hand in his, jerking back, but johnny keeps hold of him; gently tangling their fingers together and rises to his feet
“come on,” he beckons, walking backwards towards the stairs
simon’s grip tightens around his blanket. but he follows him, up the stairs johnny sprinted down the morning after he first saw him, across the landing with the vents he counted and dreaded walking past, into his bedroom
where it all began
johnny pushes the door wider and riley pops his head up from his dog bed, tensing and about to jump up when he sees simon behind him
“back to sleep, riley-boy,” he soothes and riley droops and burrows straight back under his blanket, nosing it up over his face until only his ears stick out
he smiles and turns back to simon- but it drops when he sees how he’s frozen in the doorway; quick, wide eyes darting around the room. around the master bedroom, clutching his blanket to his chest like he’s afraid of it being stolen
“it’s okay, simon,” johnny promises, rounding him and takes his other hand in his. “he’s not here anymore; you can come in.”
he slowly steps backwards and with the gentlest tug on his hands, simon follows
but lets out an almost involuntary sounding hiss, squeezing his eyes shut and twisting away from the automatic lantern set up on his bedside table
johnny looks between them, at the warm light that’s been his beacon for the last few weeks, and the man he needed that safety from
he holds his breath
and flicks off the lantern
chills immediately creep up his spine; the encroaching shadows smothering him like waves and it’s only simon’s hand in his, the gleam of moonlight catching his eyes, that keeps him above water
johnny squeezes his hand and brings him to the bed, silently coaxing him under the covers. he’s stiff, holding himself so rigid it almost looks painful, and he leaves the covers around his waist, not wanting to make him feel restricted when he’s already so visually unsure
“just like you did for me,” he murmurs, remembering the scrap cloth of a blanket he woke under
simon’s most prized possession
his only possession
simon cocks his head, that same primitive yet studious look in his eyes as he watches him climb in next to him and tug the covers up to his shoulder. he looks at it then the side over his waist, and pulls it up until it covers him up to the neck
johnny can’t help the smile tugging at his lips and sinks deeper into the bed, the blanket riding up higher
until they match
“we’re safe here, simon,” he promises
simon’s wide brown eyes stare back at him and it’s all to easy to lose himself in them
💀🧼
when johnny wakes up, simon is gone; only a dirt-stained imprint of him left on the sheet and pillowcase
and his phone sitting innocently on the side table, beside the lit lantern
#how many times did little simon scream and beg to be let out of the dark? how long did cry out apologies?#how long did it take before he finally gave up?#simon cant speak. theres a lot of words he doesnt know. but he remembers every single word that came out of johnnys mouth#because they came out of his#this ended up so much longer than i intended it to be lmaoo#simon being so excited to show johnny the bones of his father; to show off how he killed him and can protect them both#just for johnny to be terrified and poor simon just doesnt understand#i need that spongbob WAIT!! meme where hes about to get crushed#i know this ends on a cliffhanger#however… i genuinely dont know if ill write more#and im sure about that this time!!#the moment in the basement was really the only other thing i wanted to write and if anything it would just be more of this#johnny slowly getting less and less scared and rehabilitating simon until he spends more time in the house than in the walls#simons always going to be fucked up#hes spent nearly 30 hears in a basement that cant get therapied away#and johnnys already unhealthily attached to him bc simon is so instinctual that hes just dedicated himself to him#and hes just messed up enough to like that#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#ghoap#soapghost#ghostsoap#john soap mactavish#soap call of duty#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost call of duty#ghost cod#cod mw2#cod mwii
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