#Izzy Hands. The man the myth the legend

[madzillus]

Izzy Hands, you will forever be iconic

[idliketobeatree]

@fais-do-do-writes absolutely, this bad boy has so many Hands

the transformation from "Izzy Hands 🖕🖕" into "Izzy Hands 💅👌" from a middle-aged queer man is something than can actually be so personal

[wrizard]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

HULLO MY DARLING MY ANGEL!!! THANK YOU OH MY GOODNESS <3 <3 <3

okay after some Consideration: here are my top five fics, aka ones i think are the best as a reader and also the most satisfying as a writer!! if you haven't read my stuff, these are a good cross section of The Themes And Vibe I Tend Toward. (i also write Nice things, but i don't find them as satisfying to work on or to read!!)

that said: oh my GOD mind the tags.

NOW, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, I IMPLORE YOU TO TAKE A CHANCE ON:

all of these drink blood

Hadesgame, Greek Myth and Legend Ares/Aphrodite, Ares/Dionysus; Past Zeus/Ares, Current Zeus/Zagreus, assorted others 77k, 9/9 chapters (complete), rated E ‼️Non-con, Graphic Violence

“Pops pulled a bit of a heist, last night. Went downstairs for a tick. Brought home a new cupbearer." Dionysus takes a deep draught of wine, then laughs, raspy and intent. “He’s carried off our sweet little cousin.” Ares huffs. “Which of Poseidon’s thousand bloody offspring must we bear the company of this time, then?” “Oh, no, man, not Poseidon’s — think lower. Much lower.” Zeus has taken Zagreus for his new cupbearer. Ares, subject to Zeus' attentions for centuries, is left out in the cold. But Zagreus isn't the only one at risk — and his loss may put Olympus on the brink of war.

MY MAGNUM OPUS!!!! taking a scalpel to The Dynamic -- a family of gods under control of an abusive Patriarch fumbles to reconcile their love, their pain, and their survival; meanwhile a Visibly Weird Guy with a bizarre sense of self due to centuries of grooming is just doing his best to save his cousin from the clutches of their father. also if they don't save him THE WORLD WILL END. YEAAHHHH!!! Totally readable to those who don't know the game; also there are Loads of Lore Bonuses for those who like those sorts of things <3

the naming of israel hands

Our Flag Means Death Edward Teach/Izzy Hands 40k, 5/5 chapters (complete), rated E ‼️Graphic Violence, Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

"Off the starboard bow, the fog parts, and a sleek, smooth ship slips into view, easy as a panther before a fat, helpless sheep. Atop the mainmast flies a strange, horrible flag — two daggers stacked above a grinning skull, laid a field of mourning-black. Sound falls away. Only the pounding of Israel’s heart and the creak of the rail under his white-knuckled grip remain. Pirates." When Israel Stockard's ship is raided, he catches the eye of a strange, brilliant young pirate named Edward Drummond -- and finds himself stumbling face-first into a new world of violence and intrigue.

A gritty pirate thriller full of sex and violence and the power of claiming your own identity in the face of losing everything you've ever known. If you like Boat Media and damaged dudes trying to survive while also falling hard for one another in terrible circumstances: This One's For You!!!

we ate the birds

The Iliad, Greek Myth and Legend Patroclus/Ajax the Greater, Patroclus/Achilles 11.7k, complete, rated E ‼️Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Handsome isn’t quite the word for Ajax; he’s too strong, too solid for it. Too loud and large and warm. He carries his family’s cheekbones, though, the same ones borne by Achilles, and the same thick, curled lashes. With the right wife, he would bear beautiful daughters, and handsome sons, skilled and strong as the children of kings ought to be. Idly, Patroclus imagines the grip of those great hands around his waist. If he did not have Achilles… But he doesn’t. Not really. The cold-hearted creature in his tent is far from the noble man who called to his soul, even in childhood. The Achilles he cleaved himself to, the one he would never betray – that man is gone. And Ajax’s eyes shine so dangerously in the firelight.

this is one of my absolute favourite pieces i've written point blank. an exploration of betrayal, sex, wanting, guilt, and the day-to-day life of a decade in a camp full of human beings who AREN'T demigods. also dramatic irony. can't forget the dramatic irony :)

sparagmos

Our Flag Means Death, Greek Myth & Legend, Hadesgame "Calico" Jack Rackham/Dionysus 3.7k, complete, rated E ‼️ Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Violence

Flesh and blood and bone, wine and breath and being fucking alive: that’s the real God. That's the God that follows Calico Jack Rackham.

CJ RACKHAM: A FAVOURITE OF A GOD HE'S NEVER HEARD OF IN ANY REPUTABLE CHURCH -- A GOD OF SURVIVAL AND BLOOD AND FUCKING AND WINE AND PLEASURE, WHO PULLS HIM FROM THE ASHES OF HIMSELF TO REJOICE IN THE GLORY OF THE FLESH!!!! a backstory and an explanation of the world's most emotionally stunted frat boy cowboy pirate, from rat's blood to wine to seawater to the blood of men. i LOVE the structure and style of this as much as i loved writing it.

a monologue for two faces

Our Flag Means Death Lucius Spriggs & Izzy Hands, Lucius/Pete 4.5k, complete, rated M ‼️Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

An empty stage. Remnants of life: a net in one corner, floorboards pitted, dark stains spattered over the wall, a sketchbook propped up against the wall. Or not. Maybe it’s just empty. A YOUNG MAN enters. Uncomfortable. He takes a trinket from his pocket – a wooden shark toy – and places it down. The position is wrong; he fixes it. Fixes it again. Curses. He’s tried too many times; it will never be right. He crosses to the wall, curls up against it. Breathes. Counts to ten, uncurls deliberately; a breathing exercise. Shakes out his hands. YOUNG MAN: This is so fucking stupid. Or: the man who used to be Lucius Spriggs mourns.

so when i watched ofmd s2 i had... complicated feelings about it, and this piece leapt from my hands as a way to explore specifically what the fuck happened with lucius and the wedding and the funeral. it gets heavy but it's scraped up from the bottom of my heart, and i love it very, very much. also it was nice to go back to script format (my background is in theatre)!! a story about grief, love, and piecing yourself back together after you fall apart. xo

❤️❤️❤️ if you read this far i love you and also i hope you enjoy!!!

[billowyy]

You’re Not by My Side (ao3)

Stede/Izzy | 1.5k words | Febuwhump day 1: touch starved

Having tea with Izzy Hands goes exactly how Stede expected it to go. 

They’re sitting in the small captain’s cabin of the ship he and the crew managed to steal, on a couple of stiff chairs around a wonky table. Stede’s worried the table will break soon, for it tilts to the side every time he looks at it wrong. 

Izzy is holding himself in a way that would make one think that he doesn’t want to be here, all tense and rigid and like he has an insult on the tip of his tongue waiting to be let out. But Stede knows that’s not true—if the way Izzy let out a relieved sigh and softened his whole body when he caught sight of Stede on deck earlier is anything to go by. 

Izzy explained how he had left the Revenge in desperate hopes of finding Stede and bringing him back to his distraught captain. Izzy had said that he thought Edward was going to end up killing himself if things kept going on the way they were. Stede hasn’t gotten the details out of him just yet. 

It was early in the morning when Izzy finally caught up with their little ship. The crew was full of glares and ready to toss him overboard, but Stede had mostly been confused about why he was there alone, and he saw how exhausted he looked. He didn’t look like someone who was trying to board them, especially not by himself with his little dinghy. 

So now here they were, sitting across from each other at this dingy table with cups of tea in their hands. They had managed to find some nice teacups in their prize of a ship a few weeks ago, and while Stede thought they were quite wonderful, Izzy had shared his contempt for them with the scowl on his face when Stede brought them out on a platter with their tea. He knows he would rather sell them.

Izzy’s tea was black, but he seemed to enjoy it enough. He even lets Stede pour him a second cup before looking at him over the rim of it, taking a sip. 

“Edward,” Izzy says. Yes, this is what the stress present in Izzy’s current way of being is about. The man, the myth, the legend. The wounded Edward Teach. 

From there, they talk. They go over Stede’s plans of returning to Edward and his death with England. The reckless raids Edward has been bringing their skeleton crew on. They’ve gotten some new crew members, but not a lot. They’re surviving and are sufficiently sailing the ship, but just barely. It's not sustainable. Izzy says that Edward is wild and careless on raids and then depressed as soon as they’re over, barely leaving his cabin. 

Stede’s heart aches when he hears about what’s happened to his cabin—his home. All of his things and comforts. Gone to the bottom of the sea. His heart breaks when he hears about Edward being curled up in bed for days on end, barely letting Izzy feed and water him. 

His determination to find Edward surges after that first conversation. He needs to get back to him.

Tea and talking in the captain’s cabin becomes a routine over the next several days. They’re on course to where Izzy believes the Revenge to be and it’s estimated they’ll meet at the end of the week. 

Nightfall brings two things: storytime with the crew, and sitting so close to Izzy that their feet touch, once they’re back by themselves in the cabin. Stede has never been one for touch. He’ll give a friendly pat or a quick touch to the arm, but never more than that. He supposes years of living in a cold house with his father followed by even more years living with a woman he never loved left him unknowing how to seek out a more intimate touch. Or rather, that that sort of thing even existed. 

This unlikely friendship with Izzy has brought out a need in Stede to seek out that touch. He’s felt the need with Ed, but Izzy’s here, with his ankles resting against Stede’s under the table and his hand brushing against his when passing him his tea. 

Earlier today Izzy had leaned into him for a moment while reaching for part of the rigging. Stede wanted to follow him as he moved away and press right back. He was warm and solid and it made Stede feel good. 

He finds himself constantly reaching out a hand to hold onto Izzy’s arm during conversations and leaning into him slightly when they’re standing next to each other. Stede is worried that Izzy will push him away suddenly, but then he realizes that not only is Izzy very decidedly not pushing away any of his touches, but he’s moving into them and initiating his own. 

Then the storm hits. 

They’re as prepared for it as they can be, and once the rain and wind start pelting at the deck and sails at an alarming rate and the helm is tied down, Stede finds himself back in his quarters with a shaking and sopping Izzy. 

As soon as they make it to the room, Izzy is dropping to his knees in front of the chamber pot near the bed. While he’s sick, Stede changes out of his wet clothes and brings some dry clothes, a couple of towels, and water over to where Izzy is still hunched over. 

“Israel?” He kneels beside him and rests a hand on his back.

Izzy makes a soft, sad noise and then slumps back on his heels. He lists over into Stede’s side. He’s cold against Stede’s now dry body and while Stede cherishes him being this close to him, he wishes it were under different circumstances. 

“Oh… You’re alright, Israel.” Rubbing Izzy’s back, he pushes the chamber pot away from them slightly and brings the corner of one of the towels up to wipe Izzy’s mouth. 

They stay there for a few minutes, making sure that Izzy isn’t going to get sick again. 

“Does this happen every storm?” Stede asks. He’s getting the other towel now to dry Izzy’s hair. He’s distinctly aware of the wetness from Izzy seeping into his clothes and starts to shift so he can give Izzy his dry ones. Izzy shifts with him for a moment, listing too much before catching himself.  

“Almost every time.” He eyes the clothes Stede is offering and starts to take off his soaked ones where he’s sat. When he starts to untie his trousers without having taken his shoes off, Stede reaches over, one hand on Izzy’s calf, and tugs his boots off one at a time. 

Eventually, Izzy is dry and has had a glass of water. The wet clothes and the chamber pot are taken care of, and then Stede is saying—

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

While still leaning on him for support, the weak little thing, Izzy stops where he’s standing, not letting Stede bring him over to the bed.

“Stede, I can sleep in the hammock. It’s fine every other night,” Izzy says while nodding his head over to the hammock swaying in the corner. 

“Absolutely not. Tonight isn’t like every other night. There’s no need for you to get even more sick laying there swinging all night when there is a perfectly good, warm bed.”

Stede watches as Izzy eyes the hammock before sighing and heading towards the bed. 

They get under the covers together. It’s a small bed, so they have no option but to press against each other. Izzy almost immediately curls up on his side with his eyes shut and the blanket pulled up to his chin. Stede turns to face him when he feels shivers racking his body and hesitantly wraps his arm around his waist. Izzy does nothing but let out a sigh and rub his cheek against the edge of the pillow they’re sharing. 

“Warm enough, then?” 

“I’ll get there,” Izzy replies, his voice low. 

The storm is still raging outside, the wind and rain pounding against the walls and windows. Stede grips the back of Izzy’s shirt and shifts his legs so that they’re slotted with Izzy’s. Touching Izzy settles something in his chest. He lets go of the shirt to touch Izzy’s hair. At first he just moves his hair off his face, but then he slides his fingers through the strands a few times before settling his hand at the back of his neck. Stede gently runs through the hair there, pulling through the tangles. He closes his eyes. 

They’ll find Edward, and Jim and Frenchie, and they’ll go from there. Stede will face the consequences of his actions and try his hardest to not leave Izzy behind, now that he’s got him all tucked up next to him. 

He doesn’t think he’d mind two warm bodies, one on either side of him, touching him lovingly and reassuringly. He thinks he’d quite like that. 

[kindofwriter]

Literally impossible to pick a favourite OFMD character because, like, Lucius is the definition of blorbo from your shows; he’s so cute and flirty and smart and helpful, and ships the main ship just as hard as the audience, and he carries himself like he’s cute, and he tries so darn hard to help everyone with their issues.

But then there’s Frenchie, with his little tunes and his left-field superstitions, and his brilliant tactical mind for schemes, who’s willing to fuck up a bunch of rich people because they offended a man he’d just met, and who gave all his riches away to help others escape a life of servitude.

And Jim, who’s badass and soft, and just the most delightful nb rep, and whose favourite colour is teal because of Oluwande’s earring, and who goes back to their old home despite it feeling haunted just because their shipmate asked nicely.

And Roach, who sleeps with his onions, and figured he may as well be the ship’s doctor because meat is meat, right? Who accidentally let the prisoners he was totally down to murder escape just because they asked, and who threw himself off the ship’s mast in the spirit of frat boy camaraderie.

And Oluwande, who is just the world’s most adorable character, who sees the good in everyone around him and they see it in him in turn, who likes when captain does the voices, who values Jim’s safety even more than they do themself, and gives his room away when they leave, and who’s voted the new captain despite not wanting the role.

And Black Pete, who secretly whittles, and tells silly little tales about a man he saw probably one time that absolutely no one believes, who, upon meeting said man, didn’t seem to mind in the slightest that he wasn’t everything he’d imagined, and who’s so head over heels in love with Lucius it’s adorable.

And Wee John, who wants to design his room with Frenchie, and was willing to dress up as a cat for him, and who wants to get stabbed by Jim, and who, upon meeting the dread pirate Blackbeard for the first time, just stared him down, unflinching.

And Buttons, the man, the myth, the legend himself, with his some-are-teeth, and his relationship with Karl and Olivia, and his moonlight basking, and his use of actual Scots, and his own brand of superstition, and his belief that he can hex people and talk to seagulls.

And the Swede, with his beautiful singing voice, and his just along for the ride attitude, and the way his crew mates seem willing to do anything for him, and his bandanna in the colours of the Swedish flag.

And that’s without even mentioning Stede, fancy soft-boy who just wants everyone to be happy, even if he doesn’t always know the best way of going about it. Who pays his crew a wage. Who has secret passages on his ship. Who played pirates with his children and they loved it. Who fell in love with the concept of a fearsome pirate, and then with his soft, silly best friend. Who burned a ship of people alive for being cruel. Who gave up everything to make both his old and new families happy.

And Ed, literally tumblr’s manic pixie dream girl. Tactical, strong, and intimidating, but also warm, loving, lost. Terrified of a world that is terrified of him. Tragic backstory and a hopeless romantic. A massive pushover who’s convinced himself this is the life he wanted. Likes things that are sweet and soft, both literally and metaphorically. Oh, and hot. He’s hot.

But still!!! There’s more!!! If you like little freaks who are confused about their own emotions and motives then Izzy is right there! Badass on duty and big softie in their downtime? Fang and Ivan! Mary, taking control of her own life. Mary’s cool and quirky friends. Spanish Jackie, with her 20 18 husbands and her knife-hand. Nana, teaching Jim how to be an assassin.

They are all so good and I adore them all.

[chuplayswithfire]

i think we all know that episode ten features both Stede and Ed paralleling each other, but what really interests me about the whole thing is that they are moving in reverse from each other, not following the same path but rather tracking backwards.

Ed is at his most emotionally honest and healthy point at the start through about the first half of Episode 10. It might not seem like it on the surface, given the crying, feasting upon of marmalade, depression nesting, and sad poetry writing, but this is Edward Teach for the first time (possibly in his life, but definitely during the season) allowing himself to feel his emotions in the moment without needing to be subject to racist violence or trauma (the French captain using a racial slur, the false kraken) first. Stede broke up with him and instead of putting on a mask until it overwhelms him, he's just sad. He just lets himself be sad, and then he reaches out to other people - Lucius, and then the crew - and he starts to heal.

Is he doing great? Fuck, of course not. The man's just had his heart broken after giving up everything he knows and putting himself out there. He's feeling god awful. He's a wreck. Even when he's cleaning up, and feeling a bit better, it's clear he's still really fucking sad, and clearly his new hopes are fragile considering Izzy will later break them down like a wrecking ball, but in that first half of the episode what we see is Ed suffering and hurt.

And honest about it. No hiding himself. No hiding from himself. He doesn't try to blend in. He doesn't put on a different mask, he doesn't hide away from it. Even without Stede, he's letting himself feel what he wants to feel and react how he wants to react and be the person he wants to be, Edward not just Blackbeard myth and legend. He's acting fully on his personal growth.

Stede on the other hand starts the episode out lying to himself and everyone around him about everything he's feeling. He's regressed to all his worst habits - he's passive aggressive with Mary and avoidant, nosy and invasive, leaning fully into his privilege to dictate to Mary her title (pointing out that Widow Bonnet isn't accurate and that she should change it) and space (being in her painter's studio when she clearly doesn't want him there, and remember, Stede is the one familiar with passive aggression and the rules of society. He knows what he's doing.)

He tries to pretend that everything is normal, giving into his classic trait of avoidance by refusing to properly discuss the issue of his abandoning his family (Mary is the one forced to bring it up! After Stede tries to passive aggressively get her to talk about Doug!) or becoming a criminal or - any of it, really.

And this culminates in two ways: 1) Stede going to that bar and indulging in the worst of himself with those men, betraying Ed for the sake of winning a place amidst men he's never been able to find companionship with and 2) ruining Mary's event with verbal and then physical violence and refusing to discuss THAT either.

for the first - it is difficult to see the way that Stede discusses Ed in that post as anything besides Stede throwing Ed fully under the bus for the sake of his own reputation (and being fully aware of it, which makes him feel worse, which makes him lash out more when he gets to Mary's art show). Stede's been uncomfortable at home, unhappy, has made this choice to rush back and pour himself into a space that's already been filled in and paved over, and it's becoming increasingly clear to him that no matter how much he wants to deny it, he doesn't belong here.

And then along come fellow gentlemen who gas him up, who consider him a hero, who want to hear all about his adventures. He's boasting when we return to the clip, about his duel with Izzy, clearly already deep in his cups given the number of empty tankards around him. When they ask about Blackbeard, leaning in, eager, "Is he as bloodthirsty as everyone says," full of relish and intrigue, Stede responds with truth - "Oh he's absolutely lovely."

And those men falter, their faces struck with confusion, maybe disappointment, and you get a moment of Stede seeing this, that he's losing the crowd, and he says, "Oh and of course a bloodthirsty killer" and immediately there are smiles and impressed nods. This isn't something he said to protect Ed or his reputation - this is something he said to recapture the crowd hanging on his every word, for once listening to him, Stede Bonnet, with respect. No Baby Bonnet here.

Not great Stede!

But then he makes it worse, by adding, "Born of the devil himself."

Born of the devil himself. The ultimate means of othering someone in the Christian world, which, these times were very big on the religion, on the Christianity, on the importance of being children of God, and here is Stede throwing Ed fully under the bus to say that Ed isn't just a bloodthirsty killer, but a monster, a being born from the devil himself.

Stede has personally heard from Ed that these are some of Ed's worst fears about himself. That he's a bad person, a monster, that he's done all these horrible things, and Stede fully throws Ed to that reputation for the sake of getting along with his fellow rich white gentlemen. He is fully putting Ed in the box of the Devil Pyrate Blackbeard for the approval of these men. And he clearly feels pretty bad about it, considering he hastens to say he doesn't want to talk about Ed.

And then we get to his second big hit on his spiral down (and I do love the symbolism, that Stede and Ed both have a two hit spiral down to the bottom). He goes to Mary's art show, drunk as a skunk, to humiliate Mary and make her feel as terrible as he does, because he hates that she's happy.

"And if her husband gave up the sea, surely she should give up the dishonest title, even though she hates my guts. [exaggerated sad face] which is her right."

Oh he can't stand that she's happy. That she gave him that speech and told him she won't blow up her life just because he blew up his (after he blew up hers in the first place!!!)

And then when Doug puts a hand on his shoulder, there's that already classic line - "Unhand me or bleed." - as he tosses him to the table and presses a knife to him. The look of dawning realization.

"Clearly I've had too much to drink. And for that I am sorry. Being home's been quite an adjustment. For both of us! I forgive you by the way. For sleeping with Doug."

This is the lowest Stede can go. This is his bottom drop. This is not an apology for what he said about or to Mary, what he did to Doug. This is an apology for having too much to drink, coupled with a condescending, but we were both in the wrong, equally! Stede doesn't actually face that he's beyond fucked things up until Mary almost kills him and he's forced to come to the realization of ohhhhh shit, she was going to kill me!

Luckily from here, he can make the climb up. And this is partially because Mary is gracious about the whole thing (more than most people would be, to be honest), but also because Stede has a way out. Stede can go back to the sea, and he can go back to his crew, and he can go back to Ed.

He came home, but he can leave again. And he sets things to rights. He talks about his feelings, he speaks to the children and Mary and even Doug, he puts her reputation back to the way it should be and fakes his death and he's able to walk back to a life that he truly wants as a man free of the past.

Now back to Ed.

See, now we're back to that fun reverse parallel. Because in a perfect filming choice, the intersection of Stede and Ed's emotional arcs happens to be the moment when it all hits the crescendo - because Izzy confronts Ed, who is at his best and most free self, at the moment that Stede is torching Mary's life and being his absolutely worse self. And I didn't talk about that scene earlier, but let's talk about it.

Let's talk about Ed is smiling and laughing a little, is cleaning up and restoring the space around him, is giving himself the emotional room to go "Feels nice to tidy up a little, can't believe I was living like this, can you Iz?" and invite a man who has both been his ally and his betrayer in, and Izzy Fucking Hands, lounging in the background, leafing through Stede's book of pirates and anti Blackbeard propaganda, says,

"I'm going to speak plainly." And Ed welcomes this. Ed gives him the space to speak. "I should have let the English kill you." And we see the expression on Ed's face, as his smile drops and his brows furrow. "This, whatever it is you've become, is a fate worse than death."

And Ed tries to laugh it off, a little bitten of tch, shake of the head, close the eyes, and smile again, "Well, I am still, Blackbeard, so -"

And Izzy cuts him off with a growl. Izzy tosses the book. Izzy stomps up to him. Izzy growls out that the English propaganda is the real Blackbeard, not Edward, who's just a "namby-pamby in a silk gown, piiiiining for his boooooyfriend."

And Ed snaps.

Narratively, its the moment when Stede grabs a knife and holds it to Doug's throat.

(Note that they both go for the throat. Constantly paralleling each other.)

From here, while Stede goes on the upswing, Ed goes on the downswing. It's here that he betrays himself and Stede - where Stede tore Ed down to cast him as the monster for the approval of his wealthy white peers, Ed has everything of Stede's cast into the sea, starting with Lucius and then the books and the the knick knacks and finally the crew themselves, save for the ones Ed needs. This is Ed's two part violence - hurting the crew, throwing away Stede's stuff.

(I'm going to be honest, I don't read cutting off Izzy's toe as an act of violence, that seemed very much like an act of acknowledgement for and too Izzy and the man he wants Ed to be, the man he worships. It's a classic Blackbeard thing to do, cut off a man's toe and make him eat it for a laugh, and Izzy wants Blackbeard.)

And Ed has people around him too, people who care about him, but they're Stede's people first. We haven't seen Ed getting close to the crew aside from Lucius and Frenchie - and where Frenchie was validating Ed on the French ship, Lucius has been Stede's staunch partner in romance. It's really clear why one goes and one stays. The person that Ed has who "cares" about Ed, is Izzy, who this whole performance is for.

So we end where we began.

One protagonist at his most emotionally healthy and honest. One protagonist drowning in his worst state to date.

God I fucking love this show.

[ladyluscinia]

Edward Teach Meta - Remember Edward Hasn't Always Been a Muppet...

...and honestly he's still just mostly faking it.

I see a lot of posts about the whole dichotomy of Ed vs Blackbeard, and - because I live in the Izzy Hands tag for this show - a lot of it takes a very... simplistic (?) approach. Mostly along the lines of Ed is a traumatized real guy who just wants love and softness while Blackbeard is the violent persona he puts up because he thinks he has to (and Izzy makes the situation worse with a fixation on a fake person).

This... does not really make sense to me. For one, if we're going to acknowledge "Blackbeard" is a persona then we should probably acknowledge "Ed" is equally fake. The dichotomy is two wildly different masks, and the same real Edward is behind them both. And I want to talk about that guy.

Warning - this got insanely long

---

So let's start with Edward's whole situation:

Since Stede is the focus of OFMD S1, Edward's character and arc is explored heavily through parallels and mirrored situations. Both of them were feeling trapped by masculinity-related expectations and are still struggling to fully free themselves. Both have internalized issues that make them feel fundamentally flawed and unlovable. Both are starting to fall in love and discover their truest selves in a very "self recognition through the other" kind of way. It's very sweet. Very romantic.

But there's a really big elephant in the room.

See... Stede's issue is seeing himself as unacceptably weak, and thinking that weakness is ruining everyone around him. It's - to be blunt - 90% self-loathing bullshit. Like, the resolution of his main guilt arc is having it knocked into him that, no, chasing his own happiness is not inevitably going to hurt Mary. He doesn't have to feel guilty for failing the husband role. And once he gets over it, he can realize he's not ruining Ed by being "weak" either.

Obviously Stede's character arc is more complex than that - the man is deranged after all - but this isn't about him. It's about Edward, who in true mirror fashion contrasts Stede's internal trauma around failing be violent and masculine with his own internal trauma around being excessively violent and masculine.

If Stede thinks he can't be happy / loved because he's an enfeebling poison to society and men, Edward thinks he can't be happy / loved because he's a violent psychopath hauling around a legacy of bloodshed that sends soldiers screaming. And he's... significantly less wrong than Stede.

"Blackbeard"

We can agree Blackbeard is a persona. The "myth" and "legend" to Edward's "man". The real question is where is the line, and I think Edward has a lot more of Blackbeard in him than people are giving him credit for.

First - and this is absolutely essential - Edward enjoyed being Blackbeard. I've said this before when Izzyposting, but literally the basis of his whole arc is that he enjoyed being Blackbeard. That's why he's bored and unhappy now. From 1x04:

Edward: "Blackbeard always wins - that's the thing. He can't fail! It's not even a challenge anymore. People just see the flag and they freak out - 'Blackbeard!' - and they basically just give up. They surrender. And what's the point? I don't even need to be on the boat. I'm a ghost. There's no chaos, there's no drama, there's no fucking LIFE!"

Edward must at minimum be cool with a lot of the stuff he did as Blackbeard and more likely have honestly enjoyed it. The excessive violence, for example. We know killing is personally traumatic to him (and Izzy seems to have been both aware of this and relied upon to handle it), but we learn that in the exact same scene as the "Love a good maim" line. This guy may fancy a fine fabric but his moral compass is basically nonexistent.

In 1x04 he seems bored by the thought of ordering Stede's whole crew massacred as Izzy suggests, but not reluctant to do so. The French captain in 1x05 targets him with a racist insult and he has Fang skin and drown him. He has an admitted history of feeding people their own toes for kicks in 1x09. End of the day, Blackbeard is an outlet for Edward's violence, not the home of it.

Another Blackbeard trait that seems more like an Edward trait is his enjoyment of "fuckery". In fact, Blackbeard is a fuckery. Specifically one Edward and Izzy have been collaborating on for years. This meta is great and the bit about his confidence really hits. After all, the legend of Blackbeard doesn't include the behind the scenes cut. The fuckery planning is all Edward... and probably Izzy seeing as he's trusted / skilled enough to say in 1x06:

Izzy: "Much as I hate to admit it, Captain Bonnet's theatrical instincts are finely honed. He's more than up to the challenge."

And when Edward calls him out for lying it's because he knows that Izzy knows better, i.e. that Izzy has an excellent sense of what planning a fuckery entails.

(Izzy was totally Edward's creative team and sounding board wasn't he? The crew can carry out the instructions, but they fundamentally needed to buy into the myth of Blackbeard too. Brainstorming sessions where Edward might have a dumb idea had to stay behind closed doors until the plan was perfect. Ahem.)

So what is purely Blackbeard? Mass murder, for one. The conversation with Calico Jack in 1x08 is one of the few instances where Edward seems uncomfortable with violence, implying he might have done stuff like burn that ship of trapped sailors just because someone like Jack or Hornigold was there goading him. Also appearances in general. Blackbeard maintains a certain air of menace that Edward seems disinclined to - notice Edward stops ominously smoking as one of his first changes after 1x04 (he does pull it out again for ghost stories). If I had to guess, I'd say Edward likes inspiring awe and begrudgingly accepts that Blackbeard ought to inspire fear.

In fact, inspiring too much fear eventually becomes a problem, leading to...

Edward Teach

Our best look at Edward as himself - no masks - is the guy in 1x04 (plus glimpses in the previous episodes). This is also, judging from how Izzy reacts, both Edward at his lowest point in a long time and part of a fairly normal cycle of low points that Izzy seems responsible for pulling him back out of.

Edward is flighty. Easily distracted. His mood swings wildly and he spirals into listless depression on a hair trigger. He's more than happy to do a long introduction with the crew of the Revenge and roll his eyes at Izzy being the hardass taskmaster making everyone get back to work, despite the fact that a) Izzy just established he's trying to repair the ship quickly because it's all he's got to keep them alive right now, and b) Edward doesn't actually use his authority to overrule Izzy OR reiterate his "don't brutalize our guests" policy when Pete gets hit again. That whole exchange is literally just scoring some likability points with zero effort. (Do you think he does this often?)

The scene with the model ship is his first moment upset with the Blackbeard role, but crucially he's angry about being sick of it (and his vaguely suicidal ideation might be more of a threat to Izzy, especially since we learn Edward already had a plan here). Meanwhile he's enjoying the trappings of Blackbeard - his sly grin when he tells Stede who he is, leaning on his authority for the clothes swap prank, and saving his dramatic plan reveal for the last possible second even as Izzy is completely losing it.

Edward is also extremely caught up in his own head. The example that strikes me the most is Izzy starting his "get your shit together" rant by pointing out several of Edward's men died to save Stede Bonnet and getting in response:

Edward: "Kinda their job - they're pirates."

That's fucking cold, and it's hardly the only example. Edward in general is very bad at recognizing / caring about when stuff is going on with people around him (which I suspect gets worse the more he's personally dealing with), from dismissing the threat of Izzy's increasingly obvious frustration to entirely missing what's going on with Stede in 1x07 (humorously) and 1x09 (tragically). In this same conversation he's mocking Izzy's description of all the handling he's been doing recently - "Sounds stressful, Izzy" - and he still looks earnestly surprised when it turns into a very pissed off "I quit" moment?

And slight sidebar about that resignation - when he sees Izzy actually leaving, he looks down and we get:

Edward: "I should deal with this."

And he does - by making up a plan to kill Stede, selling Izzy on it by telling him he needs him, and then making an expression the instant he turns around that pretty much screams that he just lied to Izzy's face. Because he didn't want Izzy to leave.

My guess is he's assuming that Izzy will just chill out and get with the program like usual, but perhaps more importantly I think this is symptomatic of one of Edward's biggest issues in S1 - he doesn't think his actions should have any unwanted consequences. He's fucking Blackbeard! Blackbeard gets what he wants, always. At this point he's got the idea of "Ed" in his mind and he must at least suspect that it's incompatible with what Izzy wants, but Edward still stops Izzy from going at possibly the only moment in Izzy's life he would have been willing to do so. Because he didn't want Izzy to leave, and therefore Izzy shouldn't go.

And then he throws himself into becoming...

"Ed"

You can say a lot about Ed with two statements:

This persona is arguably faker than Blackbeard but with the caveat that Ed is aspirational - Edward wants to be more like Ed

Edward kinda sucks at being Ed

The second point is really the problem, and while it starts as a simple lack of experience it ends up going a lot deeper. His first foray into Ed isn't even "Ed" - it's "Jeff the Accountant" and it goes poorly (mainly because the aristocrats are awful people). And when the Jeff mask fails we get - in rapid succession - Edward, getting extremely upset and storming off in a rage when he realizes they're insulting him, and then Blackbeard, pulling out a gun and resolving to make them stop laughing.

A proper attempt at Ed is born from Jeff's ashes, when Stede gives him that touching bit of reassurance under the moonlight. This starts showing up in 1x06, with stuff like the erotic stabbing and the murder attempt confession that both filter his desire for closeness through a more (acceptable) violent context, but once that is through (and Izzy has temporarily taken the looming shadow of Blackbeard off the boat with him) he gets more "Ed" every episode.

(Interesting how Izzy leaving is ok but upsetting now that he's several weeks into being Ed, though he still blames Izzy with "You shouldn't have dueled him, Iz" and, more importantly, doesn't consider for a second that Izzy might cause problems. No consequences, remember?)

Edward in 1x07 and 1x08 is feeling antsy - some of those internalized issues rearing up and making him excessively focus on how he's being perceived / not getting too comfortable (notice he repeatedly tries to avert what he thinks are inevitable unwanted consequences by making them his decision first) - and dealing with the Calico Jack backslide, but he's trying to embrace the more Ed parts of himself. Flirting with Stede, bonding with the crew, drinking tea with way too much sugar in the morning and fine brandy in the evening. Being around Jack also emphasizes the parts of his old (and pre-Blackbeard old) life he really is done with, like the 24 hour frat boy party energy or living without fancy soaps or having no friends.

And then the English raid happens.

Edward's reaction in 1x09 starts as desperation, but it's also rooted in a collapse of pretty much his whole life. Izzy of all people has betrayed him (consequences strike one), and in the process brought the spectre of Blackbeard's past up to remind him he carries it like an anchor around his neck. Then just as quickly, he's deposited at the Privateering Academy where they take his clothes, shave his beard, and erase Blackbeard entirely. He wants to be Ed and suddenly Ed is all he is. And it's a relief... for now.

Going calmly into service and "accepting his fate" is the most passive decision he's ever made. The running away plan is peak fantasy of everything being nice and nothing having consequences. His history of being Blackbeard is fucking shit up (along with Stede's past) so why not just leave Blackbeard behind entirely and sail to China with no plan? Surely this will work great and nothing will ever go wrong and Stede will be completely on board.

This is the most completely "Ed" we see (and also the most fake). He waits on that dock, wistful, and Stede doesn't show up. That's unwanted consequences strike two.

On the Revenge, Edward doesn't give up on being Ed immediately, but he was always going to. Izzy is not being manipulative in the 1x10 scene, he just pisses Edward off. Like somebody, somewhere, eventually would have done. And Edward grabs him by the throat and shoves him against the wall, because a few weeks of leaning into the side of his personality that likes fine fabric didn't erase decades of the side of his personality that likes violence. Ed is a mask, and the mask slips.

Not quite consequences strike three, but a reminder that it's definitely coming. Edward can't keep the trappings and benefits and good parts of Blackbeard - command over Izzy, general awe and respect - while shedding Blackbeard so entirely that he genuinely asks:

Edward: "Guys, the sheer level of talent we have on this ship - why are we even being pirates?"

And moreover, Edward doesn't really want to. He wants to be more like Ed, but he doesn't want to truly be Ed any more than he wanted to truly be the mass murdering terror of the seas that made up the Blackbeard mask. He has parts of himself in both masks, but the masks themselves do not overlap. If he becomes one fully, he loses bits of himself with the other.

And at the moment "Ed" is sad and hurting and lost Stede, so if Edward's going to panic about being trapped in a corner and force himself to pick, then he picks Blackbeard / the Kraken.

(It's obvious but important to note that picking Blackbeard doesn't work - he's still Edward and still has the parts of himself that are distraught over Stede. There's a reason the last shot of Edward is him crying, and I suspect the Kraken will be less "concentrated horror" and more "the most erratic mood swings of Edward's life". And from Izzy's face I think he does too.)

What does this mean?

Well for one, Izzy isn't in love with an illusion / persona / mask / etc. Izzy helped create Blackbeard and he knows the man behind the mask probably better than anyone else. Edward and Izzy's relationship is a mirror opposite of Stede and Mary's. They did choose each other, they do know each other, and they are a mutually toxic clusterfuck anyway because they are both historically and currently fairly toxic people from a fairly toxic environment (which Izzy has zero inclination to change, though it is possible).

Stede, meanwhile, has seen and shared most of the tiny but significant category of "Edward things that don't get shared with Izzy" but would be way underprepared for dealing with the worst of Edward's toxic depths (though not frightened off or disgusted, because he's still, you know, deranged and kinda into it). He's not the healthy option because of some fanciful notion that he's the only one to ever know the real Edward, but because he knows that Edward wants to heal and become better and he's willing to support that process to whatever result.

And Edward... he needs to figure out his shit. Reckon with his past, including the people he dragged into his toxicity with him (symbolically Izzy but literally his whole mysteriously vanished crew). Make an effort to firmly establish who Edward truly is - good and bad - and then learn to live with that.

Because he's not Blackbeard, but he's also not Ed.

---

EDIT: I didn't really get into racism / colonialism but here's an interesting post on that

[michellethestan]

Our Flag Means Jesus Christ Superstar

At C2E2 on Sunday, Con O'Neill shared that he and Taika both thought of Jesus Christ Superstar and the famously-charged relationship between Jesus and Judas in that show when thinking about the relationship between Ed and Izzy in Our Flag Means Death. (He also said they scream-sang to the soundtrack together on their first day in the makeup trailer and I would give my non-existent left nut for any footage of this event.)

Here's the video:

This set my brain on fire because I am an extreme and obnoxious lifelong Jesus Christ Superstar fan and one of the first goofy things I did in OFMD fandom was casting a JCS AU. As my brain burned, I started thinking about all of the parallels between JCS and OFMD.

So, presenting Way Too Much Thought about Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice's Rock Opera about the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ and David Jenkins' There's No Heterosexual Explanation for this Story of Blackbeard and Stede Bonnet! I am not at all religious, so if you're looking for any takes on whether or not Edward Teach is actually God, you've come to the wrong place. I am merely a woman with an English degree and too much time on my hands.

Since we all know the plot points of OFMD, I am going to do this by JCS song. If you're unfamiliar with JCS, the wiki is below. Basically, though, it is a rock opera about the days leading up to Jesus' crucifixion, released as a concept album in 1970. Eventually it was staged, there are two movies (ignore the awful 2000 version), John Legend was Jesus on the live TV version, it tours all over, and it is Incredibly Campy. The relationship between Jesus and Judas is famously charged, and different productions choose to take that to different levels.

I'm going to use the album songs (with one notable exception) and visuals from the 1973 movie.

At its core, I see JCS as being about the conflict between Judas and Mary Magdalene and their versions of an ideal Jesus. Sound familiar? It's telling Jesus' story, but it does so via the interpersonal and internal conflicts these two people had during the last days of his life.

Ed is Jesus - For years, he has been leading a movement. He has reached a moment where the masses are seeing him as a mythical figure, King of the Jews/Blackbeard, but he's not sure that is what he wants.

Izzy is Judas - Our guy's right hand man. He has been there since the start and sees himself as a protector as well as someone with an outside perspective on the hero. Izzy wants Ed to continue being the myth of Blackbeard because it is the way they will survive. Judas, conversely, wants Jesus to take it down a notch because he is becoming too much of a myth and that will get him killed.

Stede is Mary Magdalene - (I'm not a prostitute, mate!) The new person to the group, offering our hero a way forward that does not have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Stede offers Ed retirement and a soft life. Mary offers Jesus a soft and comfortable life as well, but it is one where he does take up the mantle as the Son of God.

(A Note before we get going. Both Our Flag Means Death and the 1973 Jesus Christ Superstar film star BIPOC actors: Taika Waititi as Blackbeard, Ben Vereen as Judas, and Yvonne Elliman as Mary Magdalene. This is fundamentally part of the stories the productions tell. People far more qualified than I have written about Edward Teach as a Maori man, the diverse OFMD cast, and about the diverse casting traditions in Jesus Christ Superstar. There is a deep dive to be written about the race of these six principle actors (and their supporting casts) and how that impacts these stories when JCS is read as an influence on OFMD. Without the qualifications to take that on, I am sticking essentially to song lyrics and script. I realize this is a huge gap in this analysis, and I would love for someone to help me fill it!)

We're skipping the Overture because it's just an overture and it is very good but still. You can listen to it if you want.

Heaven on their Minds

The show opens with Judas. Jesus, the apostles, Mary, and co. are together outside of Jerusalem, and Judas is concerned about the level of fame they are reaching and the danger Jesus is in from authorities.

Listen Jesus I don't like what I see.

All I ask is that you listen to me.

And remember, I've been your right hand man all along.

You have set them all on fire.

They think they've found the new Messiah.

And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong.

Of course, the big difference here is that Judas wants Jesus to tone it down so he doesn't get hurt, whereas Izzy is trying to keep Ed as Blackbeard going so he doesn't get hurt.

What's the Buzz/Strange Thing Mystifying

The Apostles want to know what's happening. When are we leaving, who are we fighting, etc. While they bother Jesus, Mary is trying to comfort him.

Mary that is good,

While you prattle through your supper,

Where and when and who and how.

She alone has tried to give me

What I need right here and now.

Here we introduce the foil to Izzy/Judas. Almost immediately, with his finery and his lunacy, Stede offers Ed a different way of life.

You're a fucking lunatic and I like it.

We also get the first conflict between Mary and Judas, when Judas attacks Jesus for allowing Mary to comfort him.

It seems to me a strange thing, mystifying

That a man like you can waste his time on women of her kind.

Yes, I can understand that she amuses,

But to let her kiss you, stroke your hair, that's hardly in your line.

It's not that I object to her profession,

But she doesn't fit in well with what you teach and say.

It doesn't help us if you're inconsistent.

They only need a small excuse to put us all away.

Izzy, of course, immediately wants Stede out of the picture. He wants Stede out of the picture so badly he tries to sabotage them from the start. He doesn't respect Stede as a man or as a pirate, and is worried about what associating with Stede will do to Blackbeard's reputation.

Jesus stands up for Mary's presence, just like Ed decides they're staying on Stede's ship for now.

Who are you to criticize her?

Who are you to despise her?

Leave her, leave her, let her be now.

Leave her, leave her, she's with me now.

If your slate is clean, then you can throw stones.

If your slate is not, then leave her alone.

"Sorry not sorry." - Jesus/Ed.

Everything's Alright

Mary's first big number! She is soothing a stressed Jesus, offering him myrrh ointment (fine things!) and the idea that he deserves to be taken care of.

Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and anoint you.

Myrrh for your hot forehead, oh.

Then you'll feel

Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.

And it's cool, and the ointment's sweet

For the fire in your head and feet.

Close your eyes, close your eyes

And relax, think of nothing tonight.

Of course, Judas doesn't want this version of Jesus. He wants to get back to their roots, sees the use of the ointment on Jesus as a waste, and doesn't like a version of Jesus that is the pampered son of God.

Woman your fine ointment, brand new and expensive

Should have been saved for the poor.

Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe

Three hundred silver pieces or more.

People who are hungry, people who are starving

They matter more than your feet and hair!

We see this most/first in the clothes-swap scene, where Izzy is just so disgusted by the idea of Ed being anything other than Blackbeard that he literally leaves. Jesus stands up for Mary against Judas and says she's staying and Judas has to deal with it. Ed stands up for Stede and says they're staying on the Revenge and Izzy just has to deal with it.

The clothes swap scene is not the only sequence where Stede comforts Ed, of course. Just as Mary takes it upon herself to comfort Jesus at pretty much every opportunity, Stede becomes that comfort for Ed. The panic attack after the Fuckery is Stede reassuring Ed that the weight of being Blackbeard does not have to be on his shoulders. He can relax and sleep well, because Stede sees the real him. He's willing to forget a whole entire murder plot for Ed.

And more! We have two concrete "fine things" being used for pleasure here - myrrh ointment and marmalade. Both Judas and Izzy see waste and carelessness where Mary and Stede see the value in indulgence. And both Judas and Izzy want the fine things gone for more practical things. Judas wants to sell the ointment to give the money to the poor, what he argues is Jesus' whole original message. The marmalade, of course, is taking the place of literal gunpowder that pirates need to, you know, survive.

I will also just point out that "marmalade" and "myrrh ointment" sound... not really very similar but at least both start with M.

This Jesus Must Die

The authorities in Jerusalem want this rabble-rouser Jesus out of the picture. They're very moody and discussing what to do with him, deciding that he needs to die to send a message. We don't really see this happening about Blackbeard until the very end of the show, but we can assume based on the whole Being A Notorious Pirate Thing that the English authorities would do anything to take him down.

The important thing here is that Ed and Jesus are both wanted men. Izzy/Judas and Stede/Mary are offering conflicting ways to stay alive. Both think they have the solution and are trying to woo their guys to their sides.

Hosanna and Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem

First of all, these are bops. Just getting that out of the way. Hosanna is Jesus entering Jerusalem and Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem is the masses worshipping him, basically. Our OFMD parallel is Blackbeard with his Nine Guns - The myth of the hero far outstrips the man at this point. But what is he going to do about it?

Jesus warns the worshippers that things are about to get bad. Blackbeard starts thinking maybe he'll steal Stede's identity and sail off into the sunset.

If you knew all that I knew, my poor Jerusalem,

You'd see the truth, but you close your eyes.

But you close your eyes.

While you live, your troubles are many, poor Jerusalem.

To conquer death, you only have to die.

You only have to die.

Hmmm what's that, Jesus? We have to die to get out of this? You don't say.

Pilate's Dream

Pilate has a premonition that he's about to go down in history as The Bad Guy who Killed Jesus. (Yup.)

Then I saw thousands of millions

Crying for this man.

And then I heard them mentioning my name,

And leaving me the blame.

Badminton declares he's going to get vengeance on some Cat Bandits.

On my honor, I’ll ride these “Cat Bandits” straight into hell.

There are people hunting down our hero, in other words.

The Temple

In this scene, Jesus finds that a temple is being used for basically everything other than worship and he flips his lid and clears all of the sinners out. It is Very Dramatic.

What happens next is what parallels to OFMD, though. After the heathens are cleared from the temple, Jesus is surrounded by people with leprosy begging him to heal them. It's eerie and A Lot.

See my eyes, I can hardly see.

See me stand, I can hardly walk.

I believe you can make me whole.

See my tongue, I can hardly talk.

See my skin, I'm a mass of blood.

See my legs, I can hardly stand.

I believe you can make me well.

See my purse, I'm a poor, poor man.

Will you touch, will you mend me Christ?

Won't you touch, will you heal me Christ?

Will you kiss, you can cure me Christ?

Won't you kiss, won't you pay me Christ?

Jesus tries his best to heal them, but ultimately panics.

There's too many of you...Don't push me.

There's too little of me...Don't crowd me.

Heal yourselves!

What does this have to do with Ed? I hope you're asking that since you've read this far. The beggars are... Calico Jack! And not because he is a walking embodiment of disease. This sequence represents Jesus making his choice - is he going to be Judas' version of Jesus or Mary's? Is he taking on the mantle of Son of God or is he going relax it a bit? Calico Jack is a similar turning point for Ed. Is he going to be the old Blackbeard, or is he going to stick with Stede? Jesus hasn't really made his choice here - he tries to fix the temple and heal everyone but he is still overwhelmed. Of course, we know what Ed chose.

Everything's Alright (Reprise)

A bop. A reminder that Stede and Mary are going to take care of their men. Thanks, Mary. Thanks, Stede.

I Don't Know How to Love Him

Just imagine Stede singing this about Ed. That's it, that's the comparison.

I don't know how to love him.

What to do, how to move him.

I've been changed, yes really changed.

In these past few days, when I've seen myself,

I seem like someone else.

I don't know how to take this.

I don't see why he moves me.

...

Yet, if he said he loved me,

I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.

I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.

I'd turn my head. I'd back away.

I wouldn't want to know.

He scares me so.

I want him so.

I love him so.

To elaborate a little, what's key here is Mary realizing that she is also being changed by loving Jesus and that they are on a path together now. She realizes that she is in awe of the myth of Jesus but in love with the man.

Damned for All Time/Blood Money

Judas turning in Jesus to the authorities. He's panicking. The only way to save Jesus is to give him up and hope that he is able to survive. He has even deluded himself into thinking that Jesus will actually be glad that he's made this decision.

Now if I help you, it matters that you see

These sordid kinda things are coming hard to me.

It's taken me some time to work out what to do.

I weighed the whole thing out before I came to you.

I have no thought at all about my own reward.

I really didn't come here of my own accord.

Just don't say I'm ... damned for all time.

I came because I had to; I'm the one who saw.

Jesus can't control it like he did before.

And furthermore I know that Jesus thinks so too.

Jesus wouldn't mind that I was here with you.

I have no thought at all about my own reward.

I really didn't come here of my own accord.

Just don't say I'm ... damned for all time.

Annas, you're a friend, a worldly man and wise.

Caiaphas, my friend, I know you sympathize.

Why are we the prophets? Why are we the ones

Who see the sad solution - know what must be done?

I have no thought at all about my own reward.

I really didn't come here of my own accord.

Just don't say I'm damned for all time.

Sound like someone we know?

The Last Supper

Oh here we go, things are heating up. Of course, The Last Supper is The Last Supper. The apostles have a lovely song about how they want to write everything down so people will talk about them when they die. That's a normal way to talk about your friend, right?

Fanfiction and the start of the Eucharist aside, The Last Supper is when Jesus announces to the team that he knows what they've been up to. He says that soon Peter will deny him and that he knows Judas has betrayed him.

Of course, when Izzy goes off to sell Ed out, Ed doesn't know it's happening because he is not a prophet. But I made this anyway because it works.

JESUS: Peter will deny me in just a few hours.

Three times will deny me,

And that's not all I see.

One of you here dining,

One of my twelve chosen

Will leave to betray me.

JUDAS: Cut out the dramatics!

You know very well who.

JUDAS: To think I admired you.

Well now I despise you.

This song also reinforces Judas' conviction that Jesus wants him to do this. Judas believes he is acting in both of their best interests and that turning Jesus in will stop the train and everything will be fine. Izzy truly believes that he is only selling out Stede. Stede has done something to his boss' brain, and once he's out of the picture Ed will go back to normal.

Gethsemane (I Only Want to Say)

Jesus leaves his sleeping apostles and goes off to, basically, freak out and yell at his dad who is God.

I only want to say,

If there is a way,

Take this cup away from me

For I don't want to taste its poison.

Feel it burn me,

I have changed.

I'm not as sure, as when we started.

After walking around yelling at Dad a bit, he gets it out of his system and gets back on track. This is where he chooses to be a martyr.

By accepting his martyrdom, he might be accepting Judas' betrayal on the surface, but he's actually accepting Mary's version of himself. The authorities aren't going to slap him on the wrist and let him go. They are going to kill him, as we all know. That is what Mary was actually pulling for, even though she didn't realize it at the time.

This is akin to when Ed calls for the Act of Grace. In that moment, Izzy's plan falls apart - calling the British isn't going to save Blackbeard, it's going to destroy him. And this is what Stede was actually pulling for, even though he didn't realize it at the time.

Alright, I'll die!

Just watch me die!

See how I die!

...

God, thy will is hard,

But you hold every card.

I will drink your cup of poison.

Nail me to your cross and break me,

Bleed me, beat me,

Kill me.

Take me, now!

Before I change my mind.

The Arrest

Judas, must you betray me with a kiss?

Judas famously kisses Jesus to identify him to the Roman soldiers. If you are Going For It in your production of Jesus Christ Superstar, this can be very lustful. This is a man who loves his hero giving him up to the people that have been chasing him, probably realizing as he does it that things are about to go Very Wrong but having no way to stop it.

Peter's Denial

People who saw Jesus being led away see Peter and Mary, and accuse Peter of being an accomplice of that rabble-rouser Jesus. He denies knowing him three times.

Welp.

Pilate and Christ

Oh, Pilate, if only you remembered your little premonition. This is basically a song just to explain why Pilate doesn't have jurisdiction over Jesus and is sending him to...

King Herod's Song (Try it and See)

This song is, in a word, chaotic. King Herod tells Jesus he'll spare his life if Jesus admits to calling himself King of the Jews. It's very campy. It's amazing.

Herod demands Jesus perform miracles, Jesus won't do it, and Herod sends him back to Pilate to deal with because he decides Jesus is a fraud. This one really doesn't match up in OFMD. Oh well!

Could We Start Again Please

Meanwhile, in the movie and on the stage, Peter and Mary lead a song freaking out about what's happening. They've realized this whole thing went too far and Jesus is about to be killed, and are asking to start over.

This is Stede realizing slowly at the Privateering Academy that he has ruined Blackbeard. This comes out of order in the shows, but I'm going by JCS order. So I'm also doing the gifs in JCS order instead of OFMD order.

I've been living to see you

Dying to see you but it shouldn't be like this

This was unexpected, what do I do now?

Oh, could we start again, please?

Could we start again, please?

I've been very hopeful so far

Now for the first time I think we're going wrong

Hurry up and tell me, this is all a dream

Or could we start again, please?

Could we start again, please?

I think you've made your point now

You've even gone a bit too far to get your message home

Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a halt

So could we start again please?

Could we start again please?

Judas' Death

Of course, Izzy doesn't die, and Judas does. Dramatically, after first running back to the authorities and trying to undo what he did.

I don't believe he knows I acted for our good

I'd save him all this suffering if I could!

Don't believe ... our good ... save him ... if I could

Izzy may not die, but he certainly has a moment where he realizes Ed is giving everything up and his plan has failed. Izzy is forced to watch Ed sign away ten human years to the British, and it is because of what Izzy did.

Christ! I know you can't hear me

But I only did what you wanted me to

Christ! I'd sell out the nation

For I have been saddled with the murder of you

Even more tragically, Judas reprises Mary's "I Don't Know How to Love Him." Imagine Izzy singing this in a deleted scene where he watches Ed and Stede be rowed away from the Revenge.

I don't know how to love him

I don't know why he moves me

He's a man - he's just a man

He's not a king - he's just the same

As anyone I know

He scares me so

When he's cold and dead, will he let me be?

Does he love me too? Does he care for me?

Ow. Sorry Iz.

Trial Before Pilate

It's a trial. Before Pilate. Some other guys go on trial, maybe you've heard of them.

Jesus stoically accepts his punishments, first the 39 lashes and then the crucifixion. Ed is also stoic when he thinks he's the only one in trouble, and of course after Stede is in danger he's not so stoic. Mary isn't crucified, so that doesn't really line up, but it's still two trials. Not much else to say here, really.

Superstar

The Big Number!

This is our climax, Judas in heaven appearing to Jesus and asking him, was it worth it? Shouldn't you have listened to me and ditched that Mary lady? (And why did you decide to come down to earth when you did instead of in 1971 when we have mass media? And also, is Buddha all he's cracked up to be? (It was the 70s, what do you want.))

Episode 10, of course, has the confrontation between Izzy and Ed. Is it worth it, being Stede's version of you? Can you survive like this? Where is the real Blackbeard?

And, who is Blackbeard, anyway?

Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ,

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ Superstar,

Do you think you're what they say you are?

The Crucifixion

Also known as:

Obviously, Ed doesn't die, and Jesus, you know, famously does.

But Ed does bury the soft part of himself, Stede's part, in an effort to continue on as Blackbeard.

And, let's not forget, Jesus does also famously un-die.

Let's hope that bodes well for Ed in Season 2.

Final Thoughts

As I got to the end, I started thinking about the "winners" and "losers" in the Judas/Mary and Izzy/Stede conflicts, such as anyone can really be declared a winner when the end result is the willing self-destruction of the person they love.

Jesus is silent before Pilate and Herod, knowing that God's plan is playing out as was intended. Could he have changed it, had he listened to Judas? Could he have prevented Judas' fate had he filled his closest confidante in? But if he had done that, would Judas still have played the role he had to play? (I'm not a religious scholar so I don't have the slightest idea. I'm just a woman with an English degree and too much time to think about OFMD and Jesus Christ Superstar.) In turning away from Judas' warnings and accepting Mary's version of himself - the one that is allowed comfort and rest and to be "just a man" albeit briefly - Jesus accepts that he'll die. Then, after everything and not portrayed in this show, he comes back to life as Mary's version. Judas goes down in history as, well, Judas. (Not even going into what's happened to Mary's reputation because do I look like Dan Brown to you? She doesn't win, either, is all I'm saying.)

Then we have Ed, who quite literally sheds Izzy's version. He signs his pirate life away for ten human years in order to be allowed comfort, rest, and to be "Just Ed." Shaves his beard, kisses his man, makes a plan to run away. That's the "death" he accepted. It's even the "death" he tries to continue when he returns to the Revenge, only to be shaken back to "life" as Blackbeard by Izzy. Stede won briefly, but then Izzy gets a second shot. And we end with Ed reembodying the myth. I don't subscribe to the framing that Ed, Blackbeard, and The Kraken are different people - they're all facets of Edward Teach. Will his ultimate "resurrection" be an acceptance that the real Edward is some mix of all of these versions? With neither Stede nor Izzy the "winner" of that battle?

That's it!! "It."

If you read this far:

Thank you I love you

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did

Find me on twitter @ michellethestan

Let me know your thoughts about how this 1970s rock opera about Jesus is actually about gay pirates

If you have footage of Con and Taika singing Jesus Christ Superstar in a makeup trailer you have to give it to me as payment for this

[consultingfujoshi]

hi! I'm super curious about why you headcanon ed as transfem. no hate, just wondering!

hii omg thanks for your interest!! I'm gonna apologise in advance because I have a horrible feeling this is gonna be really long and disorganised cuz there is so much to cover especially when you've put as much thought and time into creating a whole series-wide transfem reading of ed as my friends and I have and it all feels like completely vital information but I'll do my best to put it succinctly!! (again I'm gonna be using she/her pronouns for ed throughout this whole post, so disclaimer for that to avoid confusion <3)

so first of all I think it's important to recognise that in a lot of ways our flag means death is a study of and a deconstruction of masculinity, and furthermore a criticism of western ideals of masculinity and how it's inherently toxic and how that pressures men into acting a certain way, particularly how it affects queer men's freedom to present as their authentic selves. it denounces these rigid ideals of what "being a man" is and celebrates unconventional forms of masculinity. most obviously with this we see stede struggle with not fitting into these expectations placed on him and how his character arc is largely in part about coming to embrace his masculinity on his own terms as something fundamentally queer - he defines his masculinity by how he as a man loves another man. and we see blackbeard's crew as a whole uphold "ideal" masculinity, but fang and ivan are able to break away from that performance by being accepted by the revenge crew and we see who they are as people outside of those restraints, and we see izzy try desperately to uphold the ideals of hypermasculinity by constantly throwing his weight around, and most importantly, by asserting dominance and aggression over men that he believes do not fit into those ideals. he has to uphold the honour of "blackbeard" (this world's glowing standard of masculinity) by beating down men who don't fit into his definition of what a man should be. by recognising that the show as a whole is constantly telling us that the kind of masculinity perpetuated by the myth of blackbeard and piracy as a whole is fundamentally toxic, some really interesting questions get raised about ed and what masculinity means to her and how she feels about being the posterchild for it.

to put it simply, she hates it. it's fucking suffocating. it's absolutely destroying her. "blackbeard" is a prison for her, she is literally introduced to us as a legend (the ideal of masculinity) of the pirating world (a culture of toxic masculinity) disillusioned with her entire existence, and is just wishing to be anything else. "blackbeard" embodies everything defined as masculine in this world, and we learn immediately that ed is absolutely nothing like what everyone would believe her to be, and that she hates having to be like that all the time. masculinity has never been anything more than a performance for her. ed's entire arc is about her having an identity crisis and trying to understand what being "blackbeard" and being "edward" means to her, and when blackbeard is inherently tied to a hypermasculine gender expression, which she openly hates performing, and on the other hand, she takes so much delight in getting to be "edward" instead, you can really start to see the pieces coming together about her gender identity I think. when "blackbeard" is synonymous with "Man" (with a capital M) in this show, to immediately tell us that ed HATES being blackbeard sure does make you think!!!

getting into the events of the actual show now, I think honestly all you need to do to see ed's arc as a trans narrative is to go into it with an open mind and just like. allow yourself to read into things through that lens while you're watching. I cannot stress enough how EASY it is to read ed and her actions as inherently trans once you decide you're gonna try to see it like that on a rewatch. take ed and stede's first official meeting, for example: stede wakes to find ed sitting over him, and ed assumes stede's gonna recognise her as blackbeard immediately, only he doesn't. by not assuming she is blackbeard, stede inadvertently opens up a window of opportunity for ed to define herself as something different for once, to be known to One person as the person she actually wants to be. so she introduces herself as "ed", her REAL name, and I really cannot see this as anything except a trans person taking the leap into trying out a new identity with the first person who gives them the opportunity. and THEN stede leads her into his closet, where ed gets to realise her interest in fashion for the first time, and then reality comes crashing through the walls and reminds ed that she's not out to anyone else yet. she has to tell stede she's not who she said she was, if you'll forgive my phrasing (because that IS who she is, but she has to tell stede now that that's not the whole truth of the matter. she has to do damage control now). and. this is literally a coming out scene. "I'm blackbeard" is literally her saying "I'm not who I told you I was". and the beauty of this is that stede doesn't treat her any different after making this discovery. he continues to call her ed. he knows more about her now, but that doesn't change who she is and he continues to respect the fact she introduced herself as "ed" and recognises this is the name she actually wants to be called. (the scene after this where they swap clothes and stede gets to be The Ideal Man for a day and ed gets to separate herself from that, literally giving her masculinity over to someone that doesn't believe he's masculine enough, is extra lovely in a t4t transfem ed and transmasc stede reading but that's a post for another day). meeting stede is literally her first step into finding herself and finally having the freedom to explore her gender identity and expression, safe in the knowledge that stede and by extension his crew will accept her.

there's myriad other moments that scream "trans" to me about ed, to name a few: referring to god as "she" but also being very clearly calling herself god at the same time (she's literally dropping hints that she wants to be called "she"), referring to herself as "a young waif" (which whilst can mean both a boy or a girl, is commonly only used to describe girls), telling izzy "actually I do want to be called edward from now on" (blackbeard is literally her deadname babes!!!). but the transcoding really does kick itself into high gear in the finale. I'll run through why I see her arc in the final two episodes as a blatantly trans narrative for you:

before I go on, it's important to keep in mind that "blackbeard" is a performance of masculinity. "blackbeard" is this world's shining example of what it means to be a man. "beard" being the operative word here. it's the most obvious visual signifier of masculinity. it's literally in the name - blackbeard's beard is THE thing that makes him who he is. so when ed is finally torn away from piracy and the first thing she does is shave her beard off, what does this say? especially when she isn't even bothered by it. in fact, she's happy to be rid of that persona! despite her circumstances, she's happier in the few scenes at the academy than we've ever seen her. a literal weight has been lifted along with the beard, she's lighter, less nervous, more expressive, literally contented to just be allowed to be "edward" for the first time in her life. she has finally broken free of her perpetual performance of hypermasculinity. the loss the facial hair is a clear and obvious way of showing to us, visually, this change in her mindset about her identity. she doesn't have to hide anymore. and then when she comes back to the revenge, even after having her heart broken, she continues going by ed. she's had a taste of freedom and she doesn't want to give it up. she renounces the name "blackbeard" entirely and starts going by edward exclusively.

but of course, this doesn't last. I'm gonna have to link to another post here, which was actually THE post that got me first thinking about transfem ed, a great breakdown of the "avalanche" scene by @/all-chickens-are-trans here, which explains how the confrontation with izzy episode 10 was about izzy mocking ed for not performing masculinity to his standards and literally triggering ed's detransition better than I ever could. and yes, to clarify - this is ed detransitioning by becoming blackbeard again. there's SO much visual symbolism already in this scene that's been pointed out, but the bits I wanna focus on are 1) ed LITERALLY DRAWING HER BEARD BACK ON (the thing that defines her masculinity in her eyes!!), which calls back to lucius in episode 2 saying "not all beards are actual beards". in that context he was talking about jim's fake beard hiding the fact they're not a man, and an implied proverbial beard that lucius probably had to hide his gayness. if we consider "beards" within the show as a wider metaphor for hiding an intrinsic part of yourself, whether it be pertaining to your gender or your sexuality, ed shaving hers off and then drawing it back on to play the role of blackbeard after she's verbally abused for not being masculine enough really does tell you a lot; and 2) something that dyl @lucius-spriggs pointed out about the shot of her strapping her gun back onto her belt - throughout the show and in several promo images the placement of ed's gun has made for some....very comical, it has to be said, phallic imagery, but when you consider the gun as a visual stand-in for that, her literally strapping it back onto herself after being without her weapons for the whole episode is. chilling. she's literally suiting up to "become a man" again. if you view this scene as one dealing with ed's transness and izzy attacking her for it, the "there he is" line becomes so haunting. "I serve blackbeard, not edward" is literally izzy saying ed is only safe as long as she puts back on that beard and starts performing masculinity to his standards again.

I guess the main point I want to make here is that ed's character arc largely centres around her identity crisis, namely that she doesn't really have a concrete sense of identity because she's only ever been allowed to be "blackbeard" her entire adult life, a suffocating performance of ideal masculinity that leaves no room for exploration of any other kinds of gender presentation. you see her constantly struggle with her lack of sense of self throughout the show with the way she throws around different names and personas for herself - "jeff the accountant", "the kraken", etc. - and then, in the finale, landing on "edward" after finally being given the chance to fully embrace that name when she gets sent to the academy. edward is who she wants to be, and to see her finally find an identity that makes her happy and feels like HER is so heartwarming after understanding in such visceral, heartwrenching detail how lost she felt when she couldn't perform "blackbeard" anymore despite the pressure to keep doing so, and it's so distressing to watch her be attacked for that and be forced back into being something she desperately does not want to be after she got a taste of that freedom. I guess what I'm saying is that when you consider ed's character arc and subsequent identity crisis in conjunction with the wider themes this show has of deconstructing masculinity, lifting up feminine men and trans people, and embracing queerness in all its forms, it becomes all the more compelling when you allow yourself to read her arc as a trans narrative.

I'd also like to clarify here for those confused that I'm not saying I think ed is a trans woman! there's a huge distinction between trans woman and transfem, and ed being transfem does not invalidate or take away from her identity as a gay man. transfem gay men DO exist, gay men have embraced overt femininity and done things like use she/her pronouns and medically transition for a long time and that doesn't stop them from still being gay men. what's important to understand here that in the world presented to us in the show, "blackbeard" is synonymous with "man" (he's literally the definition of what a man should be according to the rules of piracy), and by ed renouncing that identity that makes her arc inherently transfeminine. she's renouncing her masculinity and the performance of it. this is also why she's going by edward still instead of an entirely new (read: female) name, and why that is still empowering for her even if it's technically a man's name. "edward" is not necessarily female now, it's just the person she has always been underneath that hypermasculine facade, which is someone who just happens to love femininity. when she says she's happy to just be edward, all she means is that she's finally free of having to pretend to be a man, or at least what her world considers manly. "edward" loves doing laundry and singing and wearing pink and building blanket forts and kissing. it doesn't mean she's a woman now, just that she finally has the freedom to embrace something other than hypermasculinity. it's more about the empowerment of her breaking away from a constant performance of masculinity. femininity is empowering for her because it's something she's never been able to explore before, something so far removed from everything she's been forced to be for as long as she can remember. that doesn't make her any less of a gay man!

I think I totally failed at the whole "succinct" thing here so I'm gonna wrap it up now but if anyone has any follow up questions or wants to hear more of my thoughts then please don't hesitate to ask. I also think the likelihood of something like this ever being confirmed out loud in the show is pretty low, so if you're still confused or you simply can't see it I don't think you have anything to worry about. this is just one way of reading her character that makes a lot of sense to me and I get really emotional thinking about. considering it's 1717, the extent to which a canonically transfem ed could "transition" would be pretty limited, though I think it would be neat to see her playing around with pronouns and trying out different styles of dressing next season if they decided to lean more into this. basically I just think it's a really interesting and compelling way to read her character and you actually do not have to do any work to see it past just going into the show with an open mind. I love transfem ed. she's my best friend and I hope I inspired you to read more into this idea yourself <3

[chesacakeripper]

Lots of people taking the view that Izzy is in love with the myth of Blackbeard, the Blackbeard persona and the legend around him rather than the person Ed actually is underneath it all. Which isn't untrue, in any way.

However, you have to take into consideration that THAT Ed, the Ed that became the legend and did the things that fuelled the myth-making, is the Ed that Izzy has known and worked under for decades.

The Ed that looks like Blackbeard, acts like Blackbeard, is ruthless and clever and the most brilliant sailor Izzy's ever met, is the only Ed that Izzy has known. For years.

And yes, he's been slipping. Becoming melancholy and bored of it all. Slowly receding away from the mighty Blackbeard, scourge of the seas, that he's been for so long.

From Izzy's perspective Ed is losing himself entirely. Has been losing himself for a while, but Izzy's been there to bolster him, to keep the ship going, the crew together, the legends real, in the hope that the real Ed, his Ed, will find himself again.

Instead he gets the opposite. Ed breaking away from Blackbeard completely and wanting out of it all, wanting retirement of all things. And meanwhile falling in love with a man that is so in antithesis with who he used to be, who Izzy knows him to have been, that Izzy Hands resolves that working with the British Navy is his best and only option to get his Blackbeard back.

[skiitter]

cruel.

he's cruel.

he's cruel like the sea, like the sun, like the fates. mercurial and absolute. you cannot appeal to his softer side for he cultivated nothing tender in the wild jungle of his black heart.

izzy knows this.

izzy knows this the way he knows the taste of ten day old meat and fake treasure gilded for all it's not worth. his familiarity with the unobtainable is bitter like the root, despite the sweetness of the blossom.

there is nothing but violence in the cut of his caress and yet izzy wants it all the more. he longs for the slice and the puncture and the wound. his heart is a target and Blackbeard the arrowhead, piercing definitively into the muscle of his adoration.

the back of the line, the bottom of the order, izzy lived in the recesses of the mundane. or rather he did until that one overcast day when Blackbeard blew into his life like a summer storm and swept him away with the promise of fame and fortune. he reached for gold and found adoration absolute instead.

he gladly, willfully, endlessly will prostrate himself at the booted feet of Blackbeard the Fearsome. every dagger tip that digs, every soot-blackened gun barrel that threatens makes him weak in the knees. it wasn't a follower that Blackbeard discovered that day. it certainly wasn't a friend. it was something more, something profane, even though it continuously fails to live up to the sum of its parts.

izzy eats proudly the scraps thrown his way, licking a hand that feeds when he should be nothing but teeth. he cannot defile the most holy of saints in his sacreligious worship of one. he is a creature bound utterly to the finite designations of his design. for Blackbeard he was crafted and so for Blackbeard shall he remain.

and then there is stede and in his wake, there is Ed. Ed the vulnerable, the hesitant, the humane. izzy wants to destroy him, tear his false mask from the face of his God. he duels for a heart that was never his to begin with and fails because, in the end, he is the product of a man who was never a man at all.

the thing about myths and the foolish loyalty pledged is that light cannot be held tight to the breasts of man and a ghost holds not your heart in the palm of its hand.

izzy betrays this false prophet, sends him steadfast to the velvet draped wolves. they wear their navy and love their king and izzy hands them his everything on a platter of tarnished gold. once upon a time there was a man and a myth and his abject promise to the infamous legend.

in the absence of the intrusion there is an ugliness. it's frustrating and obstinate but like the sea, he is relentless and izzy wins, in the end.

it is the finish line, the winning, the summation of the pirate that he craves and as Ed dies slow, but steady, beneath a torrent of heartache, izzy waits careful in the shadows for the presence of his reverential ideal.

[natjennie]

because. because. like. and the thing is. it's about. the fact that. because... izzy and stede were both making decisions for ed. they both put words in the mouth and thoughts in the head of the blackbeard that only existed in their minds to make it more palatable for themselves, rather than finding joy with the ed that is right in front of them. and that instinct, to make decisions for someone without even letting them try, comes from so much self-hatred and mistrust. a blatant misunderstanding of the reality of the world around you, a negative self-perception so all-encompassing that it warps your brain beyond rational thought.

izzy decided blackbeard's fate, came up with a persona that made sense, that had boundaries and rules, punishment for wrongdoings and rewards for good behavior, and wanted so badly to stick to that that he couldn't see that it wasn't ed anymore. he knew where he belonged when ed was blackbeard, knew what the limits were, knew what to expect. and without that iron fist he'd fall apart. and he thought that was how ed felt too, saw this loose and free edward and perceived it as failure, as coming apart. because izzy crumbles without that violent structure, and seeing someone else live more truly without it is incomprehensible.

and stede believed so wholeheartedly that ed's evolution was a fall from grace. bolstered by legend and myth, he believed blackbeard was who ed wanted to be too. despite all evidence to the contrary. despite ed coming out and saying that he was tired of it, that he wanted something different, stede couldn't help but see a life like his own as one lesser than a life like blackbeard's. which of course makes sense because what has he been told time and time again if not that this dandy softness is wrong and shameful, that he needs to toughen up, to face the real world. so obviously when ed starts acting, for all intents and purposes, softer. when ed is finally free, stede thinks he's poisoned him. stede thinks he's dragged blackbeard down to his level, scrubbed away all that was worthwhile in a man and all he's left with is a weak-hearted soft-handed lily-livered little rich boy. and ed doesn't deserve that fate.

and he doesn't even realize, neither of them do, that in doing what they thought was right for ed, they never gave him a chance to live how he wanted to. their individual preconceptions about what is right and wrong in this world made them blind to ed's actual happiness. in attempting to conform to this manufactured ideal state of being, they ignored the real ed right in front of them!!! of course ed has no choice but to think. well if no one is going to let me do what I want while I'm edward, blackbeard it is. at least blackbeard is listened to, respected. blackbeard always wins. YKNOW?!

[podcastenthusiast]

OFMD Fic Recs

Here it is, the big list I like to put together of fanfiction recommendations!

It’s gonna be long. Blackbonnet-centric. I’ll likely add more over time. Enjoy!

Old Wounds by derryday

Author’s summary: 

"I've got to say, Stede," Ed said from where he was reclining on the couch, his long limbs draped every which way, "if someone had told me a year ago that some spoiled rich boy was gonna take up pirating, I'd've given you a week, tops."

Ed's voice was soft, thoughtful. There was no malice in his teasing smirk. His eyes were warm, crinkling at the corners, inviting Stede to share the joke.

Stede still flinched, jostling the two glasses of brandy he'd been pouring. A bit of amber liquid spilled over the rim, staining his sleeve.

Chiaroscuro by MenaceAnon

Author’s summary:

The Widow Mary Bonnet has a life, and Stede Bonnet isn't part of it. They agreed. There was a leopard and everything.

Then again, Stede has a talent for disrupting plans—for instance, by turning up on your doorstep in the dead of night with a bleeding pirate who turns out to be his beloved Ed.

Stede’s First Divorce-Arc by Oposummmmfriend

Author’s summary: 

Stede has a heartfelt late-night chat with Oluwande about moving on. Stede also has a vindictive streak that refuses to let things go. You can probably guess which one wins out.

our blood is thicker than storms and saltwater by ShowMeAHero

Author’s summary:

“No!” Ed screams instinctively. He doesn’t know what’s happened, but he knows he’s heard a gunshot, and he knows Stede’s hands are slipping out of his, and he knows, a second later, that Stede’s let go of the railing to fall into the sea below.

Somebody grabs onto Ed’s shoulder, but he wrenches them off of him without a second thought. He wrestles his boots off, then his weapons, but he doesn’t care to tear off anything else— there isn’t time for it, not now, not when—

“Captain, don’t!” Frenchie shouts behind him.

Ed ignores him. The Revenge doesn’t have a captain if Stede Bonnet’s not on board.

pearls that you pulled from the deep by ShowMeAHero

Author’s summary:

If this man lives— which Ed has no intention of allowing to happen— he could start a whole fresh horror story, could tour the seas telling this brand-new tale about Blackbeard’s specific brand of savage violence. This time, it would even be entirely fucking true.

This time, it won’t be Izzy that kills a man for him, or the flames of a fire, or the blow of a fall. It won’t be committed from a distance, and it won’t be an experience-twice-removed, and it won’t be outsourced to somebody else. It won’t be an accident; it won’t be a legend; it won’t be a mistake, or an exaggeration, or just another myth that sailors tell each other for scares late at night.

It won’t be a technicality that kills the man that killed Stede Bonnet. It’ll be Ed.

  or: ed and stede are ambushed, and ed thinks he sees stede die. he doesn't, of course, but ed doesn't know that.

An Old Lighthouse, A New Dawn by strawberryliqor

Author's summary:

Ed touches his forehead to the nape of Stede’s neck, quietly inhales the faint scent of lavender and sea salt and something uniquely Stede. If they could just exist like this all the time — entwined together within the stone walls of this room — he thinks they could be happy. How they used to be. Though maybe without stupid naivety and the rose-colored glasses they saw each other through. Those had been ripped off long ago.

If they could just...

Or: Ed and Stede are forced to share a bungalow for six months to work through their issues.

all that I am led me to you by profdanglais

Author’s summary:

For ten years, Mary Allamby Bonnet has barely given any thought to her "late" husband Stede. She's been far too busy enjoying her life as his wealthy widow. Until the night that Stede appears at her door, badly wounded, in the arms of the most feared pirate in history.

Until that moment Mary had never truly believed the Wanted posters that claimed Stede as a "known associate" of Blackbeard's. Yet here he is, in her home, less the legendary pirate captain than simply Stede's Ed, a man terrified of losing the love of his life. He won't, though. Not if Mary has anything to say about it.

Or, Mary and Ed nurse Stede back to health and in doing so form a friendship.

A Lighthouse To Each Other; or, Cracking Up On The Rocks by zmayhem

Author’s summary:

What do you do when you've been married nearly a decade and you're still nearly strangers, when you know something has to change even if it means everything falls apart? Maybe you ask the stranger who shares your bed and your life, and you ask yourself, to take a leap and make a gift of as much truth as you can handle. And maybe, as you're trying to figure out how to make that gift of your truth a reality, you fumble closer to truths about yourself you didn't even know.

stories we heard, and others we tell ourselves by CrypticSymbol

Author’s summary:

“One calling card and you come running, is that it?” Izzy had asked, disgust oozing from his voice. Ed noted a hint of disappointment too. He just couldn’t help himself from doing so, it seemed. The renewed adoration that bled out of Izzy just months before had been cauterized.

And it had been more than one calling card, to be fair. Though there was no point in arguing semantics with Izzy Hands.

The previous mysterious parcels had been trinkets and gifts left waiting for him to find, like the least challenging treasure hunt in the history of piracy, but this last one was different.

or, Jeff the Accountant is invited to a masquerade ball, and sometimes it's easier to talk things through when you're Jeff and he's Godfrey Thornrose.

[Podfic link]

Uncommon Peace by stardust_and_sunlight

Author’s summary:

“I think I would like to rest,” Stede said, the sound loud in the stillness of the morning, and Ed looked up at him immediately.

“Oh, of course! You’ve never been stabbed before!”

Stede smiled ruefully. “I admit I’ve never had the pleasure in the past,” he said, and Ed’s face twisted into a look of half-amusement, half-bemusement, the same one he’d worn when he had first seen all Stede’s fine things.

Stede wasn’t sure what it was about what he’d said that had made Ed’s eyes crease like that, but he liked the way it made Ed look.

[Post episode 4. Stede deals with his stab wound, thinks about Ed, and prepares him breakfast.]

prevailing winds by holograms

Author’s summary:

Blackbeard dies in November, 1718.

Then Ed finds himself returned back a year prior, before he met Stede Bonnet. He does it all over again.

(or, Ed falls back in time and tries to make things better, this time around)

Fond Regards by ivyblossoms

Author’s summary:  

Stede Bonnet, unexpectedly home after his adventures at sea, writes letters to Ed. He has a lot to process.

Hello, My Old Heart by LadyKyrin

Author’s summary:

In the span of a single second, or maybe even just a half-second, three things happened:

A gun went off.Ed’s blade sliced deep into Chauncey’s throat.

And Stede screamed Ed’s name.

~

Ed comes looking for Stede when he doesn't show up at the dock. When Chauncey shoots Ed, Stede has no choice but to take him to the one place where there's actually a chance they might not be immediately killed or captured: the house he once shared with Mary, Alma, and Louis.

(In which there's a lot of hurt/comfort as Stede tends to an injured Ed, Stede and Ed grow closer as they deal with the various forms of guilt they carry, and Mary and Doug get an unexpected front-row seat to the unlikely romance between the greatest pirate of all time and Mary's sort-of-ex, very-much-not-dead husband.)

all my stumbling phrases by winterkill

Author’s summary:  

As the crew of the Revenge learns to read, Ed and Stede learn to grow beyond the mess they made.

Phantom Pain by TallowFallow

Author’s summary:

Why is this happening? How could he still even feel in his pointer finger? Lucius was never the superstitious sort, he'd rather focus on the living, thank you, but could there be a supernatural explanation for this? Is he going insane? Is he being haunted?

-----

Lucius can feel his finger hurting. The one he no longer has.

Ocean Lullabies by charmedward

Author’s summary:

Blackbeard kills kids.

Only the really naughty ones though, the ones who deserved it. That’s what Black Pete had said to Stede, only a few short days before their fated meeting with said infamous pirate captain. It hadn’t really processed at the time, just another barely believable description of the mythical man idolised by Stede’s fanciful employee. It isn’t true. It can’t be. The man standing in front of Stede now has only killed one person, he’d said as much.

But Stede had watched him order the deaths of men. Blackbeard may not have been the one to do it, but his body count was higher than a singular digit. He was perfectly capable of being the monster so many believed him to be.

Stede holds the wailing baby closer. He meets Ed’s expression with one that he hopes is defiant, or determined. Something strong.

“She’s coming with us,” he says and his tone is a challenge.

First, we steal a priest by Elisahni

Author’s summary: 

“I just want it to be said, by someone,” said Lucius, “that grave robbing is very 1500s.”

“We’re not digging one up,” said Ed, “I’m not that barbaric! We’ll want a live one. We’re going to steal a priest from a church.”

“Ed,” said Stede, scandalised. “That’s kidnapping!”

“I guess it is. Okay, we’re going on a treasure hunt to kidnap a priest. That’s the plan.”

Ed starts planning the wedding before the proposal; Lucius is having none of it.

my heart could break for a one-legged seagull (that’s bad luck) by thingswithteeth

Author’s summary: 

Frenchie was born for this kind of espionage.

A not wholly exhaustive list of all the times Blackbeard tried to kill Stede, and the one time he succeeded (sort of) by wilkiecollins

Author’s summary: 

Blackbeard has to kill Stede, so life goes back to normal, but there are a thousand ways to do it, and it keeps going wrong. Alternatively: the one where Stede teaches Ed things and woos him completely off his feet while remaining entirely oblivious.

Comfort Me With Oranges by throughanaquarium

Author’s summary: 

Set between "The Art of Fuckery" and "This is Happening." Ed seems uneasy after Izzy's banishment from the ship, so Stede thinks back to the last time he felt loved and tries to recreate that experience for his co-captain.

Or: Justice for Roach's baking skills.

fear not the weather by dotsayers

Author’s summary: 

The moon shone through the tree canopy, a break in the clouds as rain continued to pour.

A footprint, rust-red against the earth, gleamed.

“Stede, mate,” he said, as he looked up and saw the line of prints disappearing into the trees. “What the absolute fuck.”

(A rainstorm stops Ed from leaving.)

it will be worth by InkandOwl

Author’s summary: 

“Oh.” Ed looks out to the sprawl of land, their friends milling about like the most lackadaisical group of livestock he’s ever seen, but mostly at Stede. Leaned intently in towards Jim while they tell him about their latest adventures into the tropics. “Sometimes I’m afraid I’ve caged a bird.”

“Hmm.” Lucius looks out towards Stede and claps his hands atop his knees, “You think Stede would prefer whatever the fuck it was we were all doing before over this?”

“Piracy?”

Lucius shakes his head aggressively, “That wasn’t piracy, no, no. That was a shit show.”

—

Ed, Stede, and realizing that happiness is the adventure

i’m yours, you know by ShowMeAHero

Author’s summary: 

“I think I’ve fucked up,” Stede confesses.

“Yeah,” Lucius tells him, “but don’t take it too hard. I might’ve fucked up, too, if somebody dragged me out of bed to tell me I’d ruined their family, and my own, and destroyed the love of my life’s entire legacy, and then, like— blew their own whole fucking head off. Like, that— I get that, Cap’n. That makes sense.”

Stede nods, keeping his eyes forward. After a beat, he can’t maintain the calm, and he needs the human connection, turning back to look at Lucius. He actually spills over, then, eyes burning.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Lucius comments, but Stede is already carefully standing up so he can bend and hug Lucius without capsizing their vessel.

or: stede saves his crew, draws a duel, and reunites with the love of his life, though he's certain he's going to die every step of the way.

Built in the Human Plan by ItsClydeBitches

Author’s summary:

"What remarkable penmanship you have," he said.

It would be another decade before Ed understood why those words sent his blood to boiling. "Passive aggression" Stede would say, ignorant to the question he'd just answered. Back then, Henderson rolled up his parchment and Ed took note of the way his lip curled at the spilled ink, the careless way he handed off Ed's efforts to some nameless underling.

They made their trade. Henderson went back to his ship. Ed gave Izzy a different gesture and eight hours later it was ash in the harbor.

Or: the one where Stede teaches Ed how to read and it (mostly) turns out fine.

The Art of Taking a Blade by letthesongtakeflight

Author’s summary:

When he got to the mast, it was just him and the insane, brave, brilliant man impaled against it. “I’ll take care of him.”

Their eyes met. Stede drew in a small, quick breath. His eyes pinned Ed to the spot like he was pinned to the mast.

------

Or: Ed pulls Izzy's sword out of Stede.

In The Small Hours by unfolded73

Author’s summary;

In the middle of the night, Stede wrestles with his demons and with telling Ed how he feels. Oluwande helps clarify things for him.

Edelweiss by draculard

Author’s summary:

“Do you know your flower symbolism, Ed?” Stede asked, his voice soft.

Ed shook his head; his eyes never left Stede’s face.

“They might ask you,” said Stede. “So just so you’re prepared, these are lilies. They are the symbol of holiness, of royalty.” He lifted a hand and let the petals touch his fingers, light and ghostly. “The petals are pink-white, representing the purity of the wearer. The pistils are golden, representing your holy soul.”

He met Ed’s eyes, and after a moment — as if he had to force himself — Ed smiled.

“I don’t think there’s anyone alive who thinks my soul is holy,” he said.

Or: Stede's life, told through flowers.

separating salt from water by morian

Author’s summary:

"Hey." Ed reaches across because it's the only thing that feels right. He grasps Stede's wrist and smoothes the pad of his thumb across his knuckles. Stede stops fiddling with his ring and looks up at him, wide-eyed. "This isn't Captain shit. This is God shit. Are you God?"

The room is blank with silence.

Gently, Ed repeats, "Are you God, Stede?"

Stede's voice is thin and high when he answers, "I'm not God."

"And is God here, in this room?"

Comically, Stede looks around like he might find God perched on the edge of his desk, or pulling books from his shelves to examine the spines.

"He's not," Stede concedes.

"That's right, mate. Stupid bugger doesn't associate himself with pirates."

Or: The Revenge has been becalmed for six days. Ed has bigger things to worry about, like sharks and being in love.

heartless by Nanashio7

Author’s summary:

Stede seems determined to win Edward back. It must be why he keeps “accidentally” showing up in Edward’s life.

Izzy scoffs. “He just doesn’t learn, does he? Tell him Blackbeard has no use for apologies.”

“Yeah,” Edward says. “That’s true. I don’t. But also, unrelated to that other thing, what else did he say about me?”

Frenchie blinks. “Um. Nothing? The message came tied to a seagull’s leg so. You know. Not much real estate on those little papers. Can’t write a lot, can you?” He straightens suddenly. “Oh, I still have it!”

He fishes a crumpled, wind-dampened piece of paper from his pocket and drops it into Edward’s hand. When Edward unfurls it, he sees only a series of poorly-drawn images: The Revenge with a little triangle sail, a rope ladder and an arrow, a caricature of Stede looking like he’s crying.

“We really need to teach you guys how to read,” Edward notes.

Presentable by Fyre

Author’s summary:

This was the clothing of the legendary Blackbeard, infamous and deadly pirate. Had anyone told him, weeks ago, that he would be donning Blackbeard’s clothes, he would have been sure they were making fun of him. After all, Blackbeard would trifle with someone as dull and odd as Baby Bonnet.

He couldn’t keep the giddy smile from spreading across his face.

Well, evidently he was quite interesting enough for Blackbeard to like him.

i’ll find a new place to be from by Bebravenow

Stede's heard 'soft' before, heard it his whole life. His father spat it like an insult and his teachers murmured it like it was a condition and his peers said it like it was a joke.

Ed doesn't say it like that, though. He says it like it's a compliment. He says it like it's something worth being.

to thine own self by DragonQuill907

Author’s summary:

“Stede.”

The other man approached cautiously, the look on his face a mixture of fear and awe. Ed tried not to hate himself for inspiring that look.

“Er, yes?” Stede asked. “Edward, is everything all right?”

“Yeah, totally fine,” Ed replied. “Just time for a pirating lesson. This one’s on handling first mates who’re out of line.”

“Oh, I doubt I’ll need that. Mr. Buttons is a fine–”

“Stede. Come hold his mouth open."

Or: an alternate ending to 1.06

He Painted the Stars in the Sky by Parrlen

Author's summary:

"Was there anything that Stede Bonnet couldn't do? He gave importance to everything. Made everything meaningful. Made life less dull.

And again Ed thought that this was the way life ought to be: stars above him, ocean below him, Stede beside him. His guide, his freedom, and his heart. What more could a man need?

At a certain point, Ed stopped looking to the sky, shifting to watch Stede with wonderment instead, rapt in the passionate way he wove his tales, painting the sky into a storied mural. And Ed thought he would be content to be this way with him forever. Even though the dinghy was too small to lay comfortably in, and the hard wood hurt his back, and he really would have killed for a pillow that wasn't a lumpy sack of oranges."

***

In which Stede goes to Ed on the dock, but doesn't immediately tell him what happened, and Ed starts freaking the fuck out about it.

Two middle-aged gay pirates have to figure out how to actually communicate with one another and reckon with their pasts at the same time.

To Capture Every Minute by hopeless_eccentric

Author's summary:

Alma was distracted from her thoughts by an odd look Blackbeard gave her, as if there was something incredibly annoying on the tip of his tongue.

“Anyone ever told you you looked like the Gentleman Pirate?” he finally asked.

She blinked.

“Excuse me?”

in which alma stows away and runs into the crew of the revenge. family shenanigans ensue

Breathe by Harley_Quinn09876

Author's summary:

The Revenge targets a French merchant vessel only to discover the captain is an old flame of Stede's. Stede, who is struggling with panic attacks and grateful for the distraction, is excited to rekindle an old friendship, but Ed is not so pleased.

Or, the one where Ed gets to take care of Stede this time.

Part 2 of the Pain Management series!

[The whole series is great. This is just my favorite. Podfic link here]

Your Feedback is Important to Us by ElapsedSpiral

Author's summary:

Stede starts holding open cabin hours to allow the crew to air their grievances. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

AKA my “Stede is going to go off like a horny volcano when he finally gets laid” fic.

*

Featuring Stede’s cursed yet sexy moustache, Swede lore and Lucius being altogether too good at his job(s). Unbetaed.

Roach-Centric ficlets by bongbingbong

Author's summary:

Little ficlets about Roach interacting with the rest of the crew, because I love him and there isn't enough fanfic around where he's the main character.

the flight of birds by afterism

Author's summary:

Ed thinks about the short and brutal lives of pirates. Stede introduces Ed to the concept of moisturising, and taking some time for one's self.

Or, Ed's knee hurts and Stede's always keen to help out.

Hoist Up The Thing by KittyHawke

Author's summary:

Stede Bonnet, self-styled Gentleman Pirate and captain of The Revenge, prepares to embark upon adventure on the high seas.

But first there are a few things to take care of, such as remembering everyone's names and finding out what a mainbrace is.

A Good Start by hoc_voluerunt

Author's summary:

How did that marmalade get to the main-top without waking Ed? Maybe Stede just wanted to do something nice.

Gap-filler for episode 4.

[Podfic link here]

Modern AUs

this tired world could change by gangnamstiles

Author’s summary:

One summer day, two unlikely paths cross in the alley behind Bonnet Group’s towering skyscraper: Stede is at the end of his rope, and Ed’s just taking a smoke break. Of course, after they’ve become inseparable, Ed’s past catches up to him as Stede tries to find a way out of his own obligations, and the solace they’ve found in each other is threatened.

“You’re freaking out in here,” Lucius says, shutting the door behind himself. He grabs two rocks glasses from the bar cart and a decanter of the good whisky and sets it all on Stede’s desk.

“Astute,” Stede declares. “I’ve asked Ed on a date.”

“Ooh, Mr. Mechanic?” Lucius simpers, and Stede blushes. “Haven’t you two been dating for weeks?”

“Wh—No, we’re friends!” He says.

“Oh, my God, you can’t be serious,” Lucius says.

Knockout by MooeyDooey

Author’s summary:

Plenty of things can happen when a man reaches his mid life crisis.

Sometimes, he buys something incredibly expensive. He could even adopt a whole new lifestyle, something completely removed from the sort of life he lived before.

In the 1700s, it might make sense for a him to leave his life behind and pursue a new career as a pirate. But what's a man to do when the golden age of piracy happened hundreds of years ago?

In this modern world, there's only one adequate substitute. An underground club in the basement of a bar called 'The Revenge', where a weekly illegal fight club is hosted.

It's the exact sort of lifestyle that Stede Bonnet, a wealthy entrepreneur, is after. Glory. Pride. Acclaim.

He has minimal experience with fighting. But once he meets the reigning champion of the fighting circuit, Blackbeard himself, both of their lives will be changed forever in ways neither of them expected.

$2 taco night by GoldStarGrl

Author’s summary:

The guy in the expensive sports coat and fancy Apple watch has been sitting at the end of the bar since 3 PM.

[Sequel to this previous fic]

 one foot in front of the other by GoldStarGrl

Author’s summary: 

Stede comes out. His world might even survive it.

An Accomplished Life by scheherazade

Author’s summary:

In the twenty-five years since they graduated from these hallowed halls, Stede's classmates have gone on to hold public office, found multi-million dollar companies, star in Hollywood scandals, patent life-saving vaccines, and—in more than one case—make the front page of the New York Times for destroying an entire country's faith in institutional justice.

Such are the things expected of the best and wealthiest of society.

So when former class secretary Nigel Badminton corners him in the reunion tent during Friday evening drinks, throws a patronizing arm around his shoulders and asks loudly in front of everyone, Whatever have you been up to these days, Bonnet! Enjoying that mad, single lifestyle again?

—

Stede does something he's not proud of. He lies.

—

Stede brings Ed to his twenty-five-year college reunion. [Modern AU]

A Comprehensive Menu of Blackbeard’s Craft Cocktails by the_bedheaded_league

Author’s summary:

Stede's a middle-aged businessman going through a divorce, and he desperately needs a drink. He ends up at Blackbeard's: a charming little bar (that's technically not a gay bar but kind of is a gay bar) with nautical décor, classic rock, excellent cocktails, and a very pretty bartender who wears crop tops and leather.

Soon Stede becomes a regular, and obviously he just likes going there because the cocktails are great.

Definitely no other reason.

Our Dice Mean Death. by Mystrothedefender

Author’s summary:

Stede, a rooky DM, feels his players are losing interest in his campaign. He reaches out to a more experienced DM to try and improve, and ends up finding out more about himself than he expected to.

Blackbeard’s recipes by FullThrive

Author’s summary:

Stede discovers cooking, happiness and maybe more when he finds Blackbeard's cooking blog.

AU : Ed is a food blogger and Stede is a fan

Somewhere Beyond the Sea by ClaireKerzner

Salvage diver Ed Teach is no stranger to the story of Blackbeard and the Queen Anne's Revenge- after all, the famous pirate is a distant ancestor. But then Professor Stede Bonnet, maritime archaeologist and many-times-great-grandson of the original, waltzes through the door of his shop and requests his services in finding the wreck. What are the odds?

Ed's had enough of the cutthroat world of salvage diving, and he's this close to leaving it all behind. But Bonnet's quest sparks an interest he hasn't felt in years, and he agrees to help the oddly charming man. Nothing to do with the fact that the Queen Anne might just be the last treasure trove Ed needs to escape his life. Definitely nothing to do with the way Bonnet's cheerful enthusiasm makes his heart skip a beat.

Together they'll hunt for the wreck... and then they'll reckon with what comes next.

Conflict of Interest by ElapsedSpiral

Author's summary:

“You get it, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Stede said, reflexively. “I think I do.”

Ed looked pleased at that. “I think you do too.”

Ed and Stede crash into one another, literally and figuratively. Things get worse (and better) from there.

Lawyer!Stede/Businessman!Ed AU, unbetaed.

most of the time i'm just getting older (but i'll get to heaven standing on your shoulders) by jimboy

Author's summary:

“There’s a new English teacher.” Lucius was standing in front of the doors to the classroom when Edward returned from the staff room for third period. 

“Is that right? Haven’t seen him.” He sighed, moving past him into the classroom. “Is he nice?”

“He’s a bit mental. But like, in a cool way. I guess.” 

Ed wasn’t really listening, rummaging through drawers looking for the A-Level scripts. “Uh huh.”

“Jamie Ritchie called Shakespeare a slur and he took him outside and screamed at him for 12 minutes.” 

He paused and turned around. “Did he now?” 

--

Ed teaches Drama at a private school for boys and does nothing else but smoke weed and rot with his best (and only) friend, Izzy. That is until a newly divorced English teacher with a passion for Shakespeare and fighting homophobia sweeps into his life.

Date for Sale by journeytogallifrey

Author's summary:

When Stede put out the advertisement for a man, it was very late at night and he was very, very drunk. Seeking: intimidating man to conduct himself poorly at an elite dinner party this Christmas. Tattoos, piercings a plus. Must be comfortable speaking out of turn and using the wrong cutlery for at least one course. Rate of pay negotiable – role involves engaging with somewhat difficult personages and you will be compensated accordingly. Note that you will be posing as another man’s romantic partner; homophobes need not apply. --- Frustrated by his rich, bigoted family, Stede Bonnet advertises for a man to be his fake date when he faces them at Christmas. Tattooed biker Edward Teach responds. But somewhere between planning amazing pranks and teaching Ed about society, Stede begins to fall for him. Could Ed ever feel the same?

I've Never Felt So at Home by lookinglass

Author's summary:

“Uh oh, there goes your boyfriend,” Lucius called. He nodded toward the front windows.

Stede turned from the wall he was papering in time to see a handsome, long haired man striding out into the parking lot. Today he was wearing a short black shirt, and his many tattoos were on full display. The man mounted a motorcycle and kicked it on with a low grumble that could be heard even inside the building.

“Think you’ll ever just say hello to him?” Lucius asked. “Maybe casually park your car by his bike, happen to be walking in as he’s leaving work, say, ‘oh hello, very cool gentleman in your leather outfit, my name’s Stede, I enjoy staring at your arse through the windows every day—”

“Oh, leave him alone,” Oluwande interrupted. “Stede’ll talk to him when he’s ready. Or he won’t.”

--

Or, in which Stede comes out in his forties and jumps head first into the queer community, even if he's still a little too intimidated to talk to the handsome guy who runs the tattoo shop a few doors down.

Trade Descriptions Act by ElapsedSpiral

Author's summary:

Ed finds Stede Bonnet's Filofax and tries being Stede Bonnet on for size. It's going okay until he meets the real Stede Bonnet.

A deeply stupid modern take on the "Ed wants to steal Stede's identity" idea. Unbetaed.

[obsidiancreates]

Ed's Sea Cred (Part 4)

Izzy Hands has never liked the legend of The Gentleman Pirate.

He's always been nearly unable to believe the man really exists. A Gentleman Pirate... fucking disgrace. Feared? How the fuck does someone who wears frilly fucking shirts and stupid little tappy shoes become feared? How does he even wrangle up a fucking crew?

Now, sitting in The Gentleman Pirate's dining room, a fucking dining room with fine dishware and a fucking embroidered tablecloth, he realizes.

A stupid fucking captain attracts a stupid fucking crew.

"And this one was my first attempt at a flag," one of the crew, he thinks the name is Frenchie, is saying. And he's holding up a flag with a fucking kitten on it. "New one's better of course. Emphasizes the knives in the feet a little more."

"And you Captain let you just do whatever you wanted with it?" Ivan asks again.

"Yeah. These are what we fly when we want to sail around unrecognized, swap 'em out all the time."

"Lunch is served." Roach sets plates down in front of all of them, including Izzy and Ivan and Fang. Guests, that fucking ponce had called them. Guests. Aboard a fucking pirate vessel. Izzy glares at the plate. A proper pirate captain would probably poison it.

The Gentleman Pirate had asked for allergies.

Fang goes right for it. Izzy watches to see if he starts choking.

He doesn't. In fact, he lights up. "This is great! How'd you do this?"

"I like to get creative with the rations," Roach says proudly. He taps his own plate with his fork. "And we've always got a variety. Captain doesn't want us to be bored of our food."

"Fuckin' creative cooking," Izzy mutters, shoving his plate away. This crew probably can't even skin a fish, let alone a man.

Roach looks at Izzy and raises a clever. "Captain also lets me get creative with the lashings."

Lucius, the scribe boy, coughs a little and shakes his head. Roach reluctantly lowers the clever.

Maybe this is some new form of torture The Gentleman Pirate cooked up. Some way to humiliate the people he captures before he slaughters them.

Izzy hopes that Ed is planning a good way to show these dimwits some real torture.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I dunno if I believe you, mate," Ed finds himself saying as he drinks a fancy brandy out of a fancy gold-trimmed cup. It's just like the kind he used to consider stealing from the estate he'd worked at, but always bailed at the last second.

And now here he is, being freely given not only cup but a fine spirit to fill it with.

"I can't say I blame you," Stede says, swirling his own cup of brandy. "It's a bit refreshing, actually. Most people are just disappointed."

"Mmm." Ed knocks back his glass and reaches for one of the delicate little sandwiches on the tray. It's some strong brandy, his head already starting to go fuzzy. It's actually not too unlike being hanged, but with less pressure in the skull. For now, anyway. "You're supposed to be made of fabrics."

"I'm what?" Stede looks at Ed with an air of vague concern. "Did you hit your head too hard when you were cut down?"

"It's from m' book." Ed pours himself some more brandy with a generous hand. "About you."

"You have a book about me?" Ed looks over to see Stede somewhere between beaming and grimacing.

"Lotsa myths," Ed says with a shrug. "None of it matches you. So either you're fake, or it's all wrong."

Stede laughs a little. "I think I'd like to read that book."

"I can go get it." Ed goes to stand, and a sharp pain in his abdomen paired with a spinning of his head sends him right to the floor. He hears the glass shatter.

"Ed!" Stede kneels down and props him up, but Ed's eyes are stuck on the broken glass and spilled brandy. Now his head in foggy in a different way, and he hears posh vices screaming and feels the back of a hand against his face-

"Oh, look at that," Stede sighs. "You're bleeding again! Back to bed."

"Gotta clean it up," Ed thinks he mutters, but oh boy, something isn't right, he can't feel his mouth like it's his mouth, it feels far away from his face. It should be away from his face, it should be on his face.

"What? No, you need to rest." Stede helps him back to the bed, just a few wobbling steps. "I'll clean it up, it's just a glass. We can steal dozens more."

"Ge' caught," Ed flops into the bed. "Flogged."

"What?! Okay, Ed, listen to me. No flogging will happen, alright? Here, how about I send someone form your crew to get your book?"

"Mm'kay... no!" Ed jerks up again, and Stede huffs as he wrestles to get Ed back down. "Pirate's not supposed to have 'em."

"Who the devil told you that? Pirates can have anything they want, that's the whole point of the lifestyle!"

" 'zzy says... not good for the rep." Ed closes his eyes, because his vision is going dark anyway so why does it matter?

"Izzy? ... You rest, Ed, and I'll go find your book. And when I get back we can read it together, how about that?"

"Mm'kay."

"Right. Rest well, my friend."

He does.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stede enters the dining room with a sharp look in his eyes. His crew look at him with concern, while the other two look with fear. And one- who he has a sneaking suspicion he can now place a name to- just looks pissed.

"Which of you is Izzy?"

"First Mate Hands to you," the sour one growls. The other two look at him like he's lost his fucking mind.

The Gentleman Pirate does what any good upper-crust does and gives a tight smile. "Well, Mister Hands, you'll be happy to know your captain spoke of you."

"And?" Izzy's tone doesn't change.

"And you'll be happy to know I am heading over to your ship to retrieve a few things for his stay. So if you want to return to it-"

"Not leaving my fuckin' captain in your hands."

The smile sharpens. "Perfectly understandable. Say, you've barely touched your luncheon. Not hungry, I presume?"

Izzy's stomach makes a noise, but he doesn't flinch. "Not for this."

"Then give it to someone else. We share on this ship."

Izzy scoffs. "Fuckin' sharin'? What kind of fuckin' pirate are you?"

"Gentlemen pirates," Stede says with a sickly sweet tone, one that could make a room flood with honey and clog the lungs of any unlucky souls caught in it. "Give it away."

Izzy scowls at him, and roughly shoves the plate towards the nearest person, Buttons. The plate cracks.

Stede's crew collectively tense.

"I'll be back soon. Jim, if you wouldn't mind accompanying me? Thank you." He gives one last look at Izzy. "When I get back, we'll having another group lesson on table manners."

He and Jim leave, but he lingers for a moment just outside of the door.

"Do you have a fucking deathwish, mate?" he hears the bald one from before croak.

"No. But he might."

Stede rolls his eyes a little, and nods at Jim. Enough about this thoroughly unpleasant Izzy character.

He's got a book to bring back, and maybe some new bedtime stories for his crew if it's good enough.

[greensolivagant]

Our Flag Means Death Fic Recs

Category: Protective Blackbeard

Relationship: Stede Bonnet/Edward Teach

-

Title and Author: No Stranger to Monsters by thriftshopcrush (wardrobespierre)

Summary: “Would you care to explain your interest in my movements?” Stede asked, a little louder than he intended to, and Vane put down his glass and sat up to face Stede properly, smiling delightedly.

“I would. You see, Stede, I’ve burned significant resources to locate you. I’ve searched the trade routes and the friendly ports, these past months, always two steps behind, and then where should I find you? Only wandering around the Republic of Pirates, alone, like a lost kitten.”

OR

Stede is kidnapped from the Republic of Pirates by a fellow Captain who seems to know an awful lot about him. It's a race against time for Ed and the crew to get Stede back.

Word Count: 61k

Status: Multi-Chapter, Complete

Notes: An amazing story of recovery, so devastating and yet hopeful all at once. My only advice is to mind the tags.

~

Title and Author: Prisons of Our Own Perceptions by Chocolatepot

Summary: Ed had been interested in tracking down the so-called "Gentleman Pirate" for months. What sort of gentleman commissioned a ship and fled his life of luxury for one of bloodshed and backstabbing? And by all accounts, particularly Izzy’s, he was a terrible pirate. Completely incompetent. It made no sense… but it was compelling. And the thing was, Ed didn’t find much compelling these days.

After being sold out to the Spanish, the Revenge was "rescued" by Charles Vane rather than Blackbeard - and unlike Edward, Vane doesn't see Stede as an equal. After months of captivity on Vane's ship, Ed and Stede meet, and something begins...

Word Count: 10k

Status: Multi-Chapter, Ongoing

Notes: A riveting take on season one where Ed and Stede had a different first meeting but it somehow feels just like canon.

~

Title and Author: our blood is thicker than storms and saltwater by ShowMeAHero

Summary: “No!” Ed screams instinctively. He doesn’t know what’s happened, but he knows he’s heard a gunshot, and he knows Stede’s hands are slipping out of his, and he knows, a second later, that Stede’s let go of the railing to fall into the sea below.

Somebody grabs onto Ed’s shoulder, but he wrenches them off of him without a second thought. He wrestles his boots off, then his weapons, but he doesn’t care to tear off anything else— there isn’t time for it, not now, not when—

“Captain, don’t!” Frenchie shouts behind him.

Ed ignores him. The Revenge doesn’t have a captain if Stede Bonnet’s not on board.

Word Count: 10k

Status: Oneshot

Notes: I’m always frothing at the mouth for protective/feral Blackbeard and this delivers both. 

~

Title and Author: pearls that you pulled from the deep by ShowMeAHero

Summary: If this man lives— which Ed has no intention of allowing to happen— he could start a whole fresh horror story, could tour the seas telling this brand-new tale about Blackbeard’s specific brand of savage violence. This time, it would even be entirely fucking true.

This time, it won’t be Izzy that kills a man for him, or the flames of a fire, or the blow of a fall. It won’t be committed from a distance, and it won’t be an experience-twice-removed, and it won’t be outsourced to somebody else. It won’t be an accident; it won’t be a legend; it won’t be a mistake, or an exaggeration, or just another myth that sailors tell each other for scares late at night.

It won’t be a technicality that kills the man that killed Stede Bonnet. It’ll be Ed.

Word Count: 10k

Status: Oneshot

Notes: I am in love with this author’s portrayal of Stede and Ed in all their power-couple glory.

~

Title and Author: The Wave-Crested World by TintagelCastle

Summary: "I am sick of worrying about what I deserve, I think it's time I worry about what I want."

Word Count: 7k

Status: Multi-Chapter, Ongoing

Notes: Part of a series -which I highly suggest you to read- but can be understood if read as a standalone.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Chapter 6 (where Lexi live up to her name 🌈)

Then they would both sweep through the sky and ride off into the sunset. Now that was a nice dream.

Fancy 😎

She dressed a lot like Aunt Izzy – and even a little like Anjali.

She was mumbling in her sleep like usual. “Michael,” she was whispering. “Michael, come back.”

IS IT ABOUT ZARA’S DAUGHTER?? 👀👀👀

Besides, the place still weirdly smelled like the tangerine perfume Anjali wore, even though the girl had left New York almost a year ago.

Wait, is Anjali like secretly visiting sometimes?

He always made playlists for Gigi. Lexi didn’t know why. But every week it was a different one. And damn if that boy didn’t have excellent taste in music.

“What happened to thy people are my people?” Gigi chuckled. “Roman is not people. He is a boy,” Lexi shuddered. “Boys are gross.” Lexi sometimes thought life would be so much simpler if the world was full of women and everyone was a lesbian.

Lmao mood

Lesbians in the shadow world were like dragon demons – they were both mostly extinct.

Lesbian = dragon demons is my new motto 😎

Awww Lexi’s crushing on her childhood friend 😍 She’s not straight btw. I’ve read enough fanfictions to know that when a character defeat you while biting their lips you will not remain just friends.

“Cool. Cool. Cool,” Lexi nodded. She needed to get the hell out of here immediately. “Must Go. Have class. Need book.” “Cool. See ya!” Liv gave her finger guns and jogged off.

There are two kinds of gays

Lexi looked at Gigi. She was one more compliment away from screaming.

“Or maybe it’s because you don’t need rumours be interesting,” David pointed out. Max turned around, looking surprised at that. His cheeks turned purple. Lexi didn’t know why he was surprised. David only ever spoke fondly of Max.

“Although our dads could have definitely had sex in hell. I wouldn’t put it past them.” “Can you stop discussing the sex life of our parents?” Rafael demanded. “Yes, please!” David begged. Then they had of course continued to discuss that cursed topic until Rafael had threatened to tell the Consul about it.

I mean there IS very much to tell on that topic

What if their hands accidentally grazed or something? That shit was lethal. // “Oh. Hey. Sup?” SUP???? // “Oh. Oh, that’s no problem. Thanks for staying. It was chill.” IT WAS CHILL???

LEXI STOP GAY PANICKING BREATH BREATH YOU CAN DO THIS

Don’t blush. Don’t blush. Don’t blush. She is just trying to be nice. That’s what friends do. They are nice. And they give each other pretty dresses and say they would like to see them in it. Right???

As Lexi took the stairs down to the kitchen, someone called out to her. A boy whose parents were currently visiting the institute. He told she looked pretty and then just ran away. Weird. And then while she had been making a cup of coffee in the kitchen, another boy had come and told her she was beautiful.

Haha teenagers 🙃

“Hey,” Lexi said when she saw Olivia in the training room. The sword dropped from the girl’s hand and landed on the floor with a clang. // “He is asking you out,” Olivia pointed out, gripping the sword tightly.

She’s so not straight.

“Dorian, she is not here!” Lexi complained as Dorian barked at the Mural and was scratching at it.

… IS SELENA IN IDRIS??? Wait wait wait has she actually been in contact with Michael? Is she on some sort of secret mission to gather info on the Cohort in Idris??

First Anjali mystery then Selena mystery, what's going on on this room??

She looked at the Consul. At Alec Lightwood. The man. The Myth. The Legend. // “Then what’s the issue?” he asked, all Consul-like. He was a problem-solver to the core.

“It doesn’t matter what other people think,” Uncle Alec said. “Not when it comes to your future. Not when it comes to your identity. They don’t get to have a say in who you are and why you are the way you are.” // “Alexandra, people will always tell what to do. But you shouldn’t let them. Never let anyone tell you what to do with your heart or your body. Neither belongs them. It only belongs to you.” // “I don’t think you can shut those thoughts out. The things people say – the stupid things, the hateful things and the ignorant things. They find a way to sneak into your head. It’s alright if they go in. Just don’t let them linger. Let it in. Process it. Let it out.”

“MOVE, I’M GAY!” she yelled as she shoved him aside and kept on running.

I LOVE IT GO GIRL GO

Her eyes landed on her strength and Lexi let out a sigh. “I’ll catch you,” Gigi mouthed. And just like that, Lexi was okay.

“I’m gay. I’m very gay. I’m gayer than the Consul. Okay fine, that’s not true. No one gayer than the Consul. But I’m still pretty gay.”

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here

At the Academy, during their first year, they had a compulsory class on identity and expression. One of the topics was gender and sexuality – which was covered by Uncle Magnus.

WHERE CAN I SIGN FOR THIS???

“Alexandra, I have a fucking undercut and I have pink highlights and I cuff my jeans and I literally walk around with a sword and I can quote Lady Gaga to perfection! Why would you ever think I was straight??” She looked furious. She looked offended. She looked a little disappointed too.

Lmao I get the struggle

Gigi: I’ve read enough fanfiction to know the fake dating trope never ends well!

It’s gonna be okay! They’ll go: fake dating < mutual pinning < miscommunication drama < great speech about actual feelings < happy ending 😌

He smiled at her then – and Lexi wondered if that’s what Raziel looked like. He laid a soft kiss on her forehead. “To love is a privilege and to be loved is a blessing.”

AWWW I loved the coming out topic!!! I loved how it went for Lexi 😍 Now we gotta wait until the dating become real 🤭

You can do it girls ❤️

AHHHH I LOVED THIS!

Also I will give you a spoiler(?) cause ily:

Selena is not in Idris (not yet anyway!). But she does "visit" Idris in her dreams. She sometimes sees Michael. But it's only in her dreams. They haven't been able to see each other still. But when they do. Selena and Michael will get together to overthrow the cohort.