#Its just that I don't respond right away - like I have a few convos that took me a few weeks to get back to.

[shyspider]

Hooh shit I've been off Tumblr for a bit, totally not stalking your blog, I'm so sorry for the mass notifications of me liking shit 😅🤭 I've got catching up to do! May I just say 3 updates a month? Holy shit you're spoiling us, and the fact there's going to be multiple books too, I'm so excited!

Also dw I'd talk beekeeping with you 😂 I still don't know much but it's still an interesting topic to me.

Also, I'm so bad at deciding whether to just dm you my weird ramblings like this or use the ask feature, so I'm just gonna use this rn-

Nah I love seeing you all up in my notifs. Its like “ahh Maple is back <3” 3 updates a month for what is looking like for over a year. I should say, if it’s too much, I’ll scale it back and figure something out, or at least take a few planned breaks, but I just don’t want to update my main once a month for 40 months, yknow?

I just completely underestimated how much I was going to add to Twintails – so I hope all those fish-kissing, monster-lovers are proud of themselves. There wouldn’t be a three-a-month update if it wasn’t for them.

Use whatevers good for you. I never know whether to respond publicly to these or not - so if you ever want to sent private asks, please say so. But my DMs are open to you - just don't think I'm ignoring you if I take a bit to respond.

[adalwolfgang]

Die Society

Chapter 1 : Ricardo Zizi

Warning: Smoking, Curse words, Ricardo being Ricardo

It's been a whole month since you've made your move to Los Angeles, California. Moving has allowed you to be introduced to incredible opportunities regarding your lifestyle and career. After finishing college, you decided it would be best to travel. Decide what you want to do with your life.

So far, no luck has come with getting a stable career, but you were able to find a fitting lifestyle and routine.

The apartment you had rented out was rather nice. One master bedroom, a single guest bedroom, a kitchen, and a decent size bathroom.

Some neighbors from your apartment complex recommended going downtown where most business's looked for help.

A neighbor down the call of the apartment building recommended trying out at a gym that wasn't far down the road. You took your time, strolling down the street and taking in the new sights. After asking around, a group of locals told you where the studio was. Upon arriving to the front of the building, nothing seemed to stand out, apart from the large sign saying, "Zizi's Spin Class". When walking in, a strong smell wafted through your nose. Burned Tobacco. The bell chimed notifying the receptionist. She glanced up at you for a second before speaking.

"If you're a member, you're late for the spin class and if you're new. You're still late for the spin class.”

Before you could respond a man walked around a wall connecting to what could only be the workout studio. The man was tall with long dark hair, round glasses, and a Versace outfit.

"Hello, welcome to my private spin class. My name is Ricardo and I'll be your instructor this evening." The man said before grabbing your hand and giving it a quick kiss. 'Awkward' was all you could think of as he led you to a group of people sitting on spin bikes while explaining that you can participate in the class and get a membership afterwards, if you want too of course.

He sets you in the front row, claiming it was the only one left. Once he got on his bike, he informed everyone to warm up first, then the class would start.

Time Skip...

Ricardo started to clap randomly, making peoples little side convo's quiet down. Once the claps got softer, his eyes glancing in your direction, he leaned forward and began talking.

"All right...Is this working?" he said as he tapped a microphone attached to the front of his bike. "Hey everyone, how are you doing? Welcome to another silent spin class with me, Ricardo Zizi. Now, I see a lot of new faces here which is great. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for coming along for a new type of spin experience and to explain a little bit more about what we do in these sessions. So, if you look to your right, on your bike you got some headphones. And these headphones are connected to radio, streaming services and this little doodad right here" he explains while motioning with his hands as he lists off all the things the headphones are connected to.

"The idea of silent spin class is its either silent in which case you can just switch off the sound or you can just concentrate on the sounds you want to hear." He keeps eye contact with you for a few seconds before looking away and adjusting himself on his bike.

"Now it's a full body spin workout so I hope that you remember that the winner takes it all because we are going to be working those, abdominals, making those obliques look fleek and just having a good time." He pauses for a moment before continuing.

"Now before you begin, because not everyone is as good as you, reset your machine by pressing the button and holding it on the left." Everyone does as they're told, you doing the same.

"Mhmm.. Everyone ready? Let's begin." As he continues talking everyone through the process, his attention seems to shift toward you again. You raise an eyebrow at him, all he does is smirk in return.

"Now, I'll be keeping my voice fairly quiet, so that I don't suprise you or make you swerve into another cyclist, right?" A few people laugh at his joke, while others are already in concentration with cycling.

"But I want you to be mindful at the kind of speed we're going here today. So, we're looking at about 35 kilometers per hour, and by the end of today's session we should have burned off about 300 calories. Now I don't want you worrying about being able to keep up. Go with your pace. Remember if it was a race, we'd be on the road but we're all here. Static. Burning calories together and enjoying each other's company." He shoots a wink your way before continuing his little speech.

"Right, so on your display you can see the time. We've already done a minute; it wasn't that easy."

"With your hands, if you place them on the diodes on the left and right you will get a heart reading. This is your heart so pay attention. Make sure you don't push it too far, okay? I'm looking at you, yes right Joey I remember. Now we've also got lots of other information, the calories burning, the distance, all the fun stuff. On the front of your bike, you also have two resistance bands to make a delightfully relaxful sound. We're going to be using those in conjunction with the cycling in general to ensure that you get a full body work out." As you process his words, you do start feeling the burn in your body. Small droplets of sweat already forming on your skin.

"Okay guys, we're up to almost two and a half minutes. Another two-and-a-half-minute mark we are going to start using the resistance bands. I'm not going to say much, just follow my lead. I'm going to start by working the obliques. Pulling and turning to the appropriate side." As he talks, he demonstrates what to do.

"All right, how's that sound" he says as he leans forward again on his bike while smiling and staring at you. You just raise an eyebrow before shifting your gaze to the wall behind him causing him to chuckle under his breath as he gets back to talking.

"Oh, now just before I forget when you arrive, please make sure you sign in at the reception in case there's a fire or something. We got to make sure everyone's accounted for. All right, so if you want to warm up go ahead and do that." Right as he finishes his sentence, he proceeds to talk directly to you.

"Hey, as you can see, I'm wearing my Versace, so you better have brought your game face, right?"

After saying this he starts smiling to himself before ending the discourse conversation.

"Let's do some quick exercise's" He points at you, "You got this, don't worry."

"Remember, concentrate on your breathing, keep it regular. If it helps breath in on pull and out on when you let go. But when you pull remember to control the return. Thats where the strength comes in. Alright let's do both. Test those pecks." He continues the exercise 2 more times before talking again.

"Now you'll notice on your bike there is a resistance setting, by default set this to five. All right? You can turn it down if you want. The only thing you need to worry about is yourself. Don't look left, don't look right, hell don't even necessarily look at me. Concentrate on yourself. You don't have to race, ok? And if you can tense your muscles a little. Your abdominals, not traditionally work out on a bike but what you can do is lift yourself while riding. Tense up real good and push." He proceeds to grabs both sides of the bikes seat and lift himself to show everyone who is watching.

"Let's do some bicep and triceps' work. Grab both the resistance bands and lift." He continues this a few more times before leaning closer to the front of his bike.

"How are we feeling? Good. Hey, new face, front row, enjoying it?" You simply respond that you are starting to feel a sweat on your head.

"Oh yeah, you'll be working up a sweat all right. Don't worry." Before you can make a comeback, he starts calling out someone in the back.

"Joey, Both feet dude."

As everyone continues cycling, Mr. Hotshot starts talking to no one in particular on stretching as he stretches his muscles. The thing is, as he is doing it, he keeps direct eye contact with you and just smirks every time you happen to make eye contact with him. This guy was starting to weird you out.

"Now we are approaching the eight-minute mark. Now as regulars know at about the 15-minute mark, we go into solo mode. Now this is where even I put on my headphones we emote. We concentrate on the music, listen to it. It becomes our rhythm as we cycle. Today I'm listening to something, and I want to see if you can work out which song by the way I choose to emote. And I want to see emotion from all of you. Every. Single. One. You got that? No, Lip syncing is imperative. You must Lip Sync or you're out of the class. All right?" Everyone just nods before getting their choice of music ready, some people already having their music playing.

"I don't want to hear it, Joey." He says this as he points to the man from earlier, then goes back to as if nothing happened.

"All Right, so remember that we're feeling pretty relaxed, and the good news is we're just about to hit 100 calories burned. We're approaching the nine-minute mark. Let's do some pecs." Again, he demonstrates the exercise four more times while keeping eye contact with you.

"How are we all feeling? We should be maintaining a rough 35 to 40k. It's ok if you're not but I don't know about you. I'm starting to sweat, which is no bad thing. So, make sure that you are drinking plenty of fluids. I want to see each of you with your water, taking a sip whenever you need to, okay?"

He goes on to walking through with everyone on the exercises for about, 3 minutes before leaning forward and talking to you again.

"You are doing really well. I'm very impressed." He fixes he glasses before trying to ask you a question.

"Would you come- Sorry microphone right." He adjusts his shirt before continuing.

"Okay, we're coming up to the 15-minute mark which is emote territory, so I need you to emote. We are almost hitting 150 calories, which is great. You've all got this. You are all impressing me. You are all a testament to the success of the silent spin." He does a few more movements before speaking again.

"All right, halfway. Nearly halfway at 15 minutes you're going to hit 150 calories. This is two burgers you ate, Jill. You should be feeling the heat now.

Feeling little drip drops of sweat down your forehead. You don't know where you are going, but you are getting there in style. You are getting there on a bike, without wheels, like the angels of old.

Behold spin." You just look at him with a hesitant look. 'This man is weird in the weirdest way' was all you could think to describe him.

"All right. Cynthia, I want to see better posture.

Much better. I'm very impressed. Good. Very good..." As he points and praises at you, he shoots another wink your way. Smirking like some lascivious fool.

"You, what's your name? Andrew. Andy Pandy. Pudding pie. Rode the bike. And made them die. Okay guys, headphones on. It's Emote time." After saying this everyone including yourself put on your headphones. Ricardo grabs his phone from the upholder on his bike and starts looking for the song he wanted everyone to guess.

After you find your song of choice, you start lip syncing. Everyone starts doing the same, but what make you question this instructor even more was him dancing. Not your normal head movements to certain lyrics but actually dancing, as if he was in some night club. This went on for about six to seven minutes if you had to take a guess. Soon the silent emote or whatever he calls it was over, he threw his headphones to the right of him and started talking again.

"Okay, apologies if I got a little...carried away there. It's a favorite of mine. And-phew makes me sweat. Hey. Andrew. Great work on the emoting. You are definitely invited." This made you even more confused. Invited to what? Was doing exercise a test for something?

"We are now 20 minutes in. You have all done incredibly well. We're going to do a few more minutes, okay?" He looks at you before speaking again. " How are you feeling? You, okay?" You simply nod. "Good." He continues to work with the resistance bands a few times before speaking again.

"I don't know about you guys, but I feel like we've done a pretty good workout today. How are we feeling? Joey. Cynthia. Carl, I didn't see you. Hey buddy. You're rocking out to the crew? Of course you are. We are coming up to 216 calories burned. That is indicative. About 23 minutes of us cycling together. We've been varying our speeds between 30-35 kph. Okay I want all of you to feel proud of what you've done today. That was some serious spin. Really, really impressive stuff but I think we'll call it a day for now. So slow down, slow down, that's it. Okay, now we don't want to be like those other people before us, do we? So, we reset the machine when we step off of it. I want to say, well done, again. Let's do some breathing exercises to cool down. You ready? Okay so breathe in, and out(×4). All right, well, if you guys are anything like me. You got sweat in your eye. Your shirt is soaked, and you could use some food so all of you make your way out, but you!” He points toward you.

"Newbie, can I just talk to you for a minute? Once everyone else is gone?" You slowly shake your head yes as he smiles at you. You watch as people leave, and Ricardo starts bidding people out.

"Okay, see you Gel. Yeah, say hi. She going to come next week. Her funeral? Man." He slowly exhales before picking up some things and putting them back in their original spot. As he does this you ask him if somethings wrong.

"Ye, just two minutes. Hey. So- Oh man. Hey I... I hate to be that guy, but can I grab one of those?" He points at your pack of cigarettes peaking from your chest pocket. You question why he asks for one in a studio, but you reluctantly get one out and hand him one.

"Oh, thank you." You ask him if it's okay to smoke inside but all he says is, "Oh it's my studio, don't worry." You still feel skeptical with smoking and ask again to make sure. "Oh yeah, yeah, Mhmm." As he also uses your lighter, he thanks you again.

Soon the tension and awkwardness starts to build back up again so you try and make small talk.

"Oh, thanks for coming, yeah, it's a cool class huh. Yeah, I wanted to do something a little bit different. You know? All these spin classes are so noisy." You start asking him small questions like why his name is Ricardo.

"Ricardo Zizi. Yeah...It's Italian. My folks are from the old country. Yeah, I'm a little bit more...Modern. Yeah, erm this place is owned by...Hugo Hoffman. Heard of him?" You remember seeing billboards about someone with that name.

"That's right, real estate. I work for him. This? No, this is just a side gig. I'm into entertainment. I'm a Dj of course. Who isn't right?" He laughs at his own joke before taking another drag from the cigarette.

"You know...I can't get over this feeling that I've seen you somewhere before. This is a long shot, but you could work..." Before he can finish you already start panicking thinking he is going to ask you to be involved in something illegal . He must have noticed your panicked expression because he quickly interrupts.

"No nothing like that! Party work. Mr. Hoffman. He has these big 'top secret' shin digs. All you have to do is hand out some Hors D'oeuvre, maybe chat to a few guests, or some drinks. 300 bucks. What do you say?" You contemplate for a moment before asking if there is a catch because right now this seems too good to be true and sketchy all at once.

"There is one weird catch. He's a... hm... he's an eccentric guy. You know? Yeah, weirdo. Most super rich people are, don't you think? But anyway, he has dress requirements. Not just clothes but makeup. Things like that. Hairstyles. And he likes to see staff before he lets them into the party." You ask him a few more questions since you have no idea what you need to look like or what to wear.

"If you're still interested sure. Well look, why don't I take your number" He hands you his cell phone.

"Just pop it in there. Mhmm. Give me a sec." He starts tapping on his phone before your own phone dings.

"That's me. Ricardo Zizi. Spell it how it sounds. Two z's. I've just texted you two of my friends' numbers. The first one is Valencia. She's this crazy…women. She's going to do your makeup. Just how Mr. Hoffman likes it, okay? And the other number is for my friend Elissa. Well, she's my girlfriend actually." This both shocks and confuses you. This dudes been flirting with you the whole time while being in a relationship? What a prick. "But don't tell her I told you that- Anyways. She's a photographer so she'll take some snaps for you to share with Mr. Hoffman. All being good, Ill text you again letting you know it's cool and I'll send you the address." You still feel skeptical, but 300 dollars is a lot and would help with things. As if he can see the hesitation in your eyes he continues.

"It's one night, 300 bucks, easy money huh?"

Finally, you nod your head and thank him.

"It's the least I could do for the smoke. Oh! one more thing before I forget. You don't need to worry about that right now just go home, get cleaned up and then tomorrow go see Valencia. Then in the afternoon go see Elissa. Just text them before. They all have socials so it will be fine. But there is a bouncer on the doorway. I forget his name. Real grumpy guy but this kind of a 'eyes watch shit' type deal. You know what I mean so you're going to have to give him a password. The password is... Hel-..Hill...Hilarious...I think. Ill text it to you before the event regardless." After processing all this new information, you thank him again before getting ready to leave since it does seem like it's getting late, and you still need to do other things.

"Well, hey, it's been great to meet you" He shakes your hand. "Thank you for coming to the class. It's a lot of fun, right? Kind of goofy. I always get lost in that song. Probably says something about me huh. Good luck. It's been a real pleasure meeting you and all being well I'll see you tomorrow night and you'll be 300 bucks richer, and I'll be in the bosses' good books for getting someone who actually knows what they're doing. All right, well, I got another class starting up soon, so I better get ready. I'm caked in sweat. But thank you. I look forward to working with you. Ciao bello."

You walk out of the studio, looking down the the text message with both numbers sent to you. Oddly enough, the Los Angeles sun seemed to be going down so you start making the walk back to your apartment. You still couldn't get that negative thought out of your mind but you were able to push it to the back of your head. Til tomorrow.

[isaacapatow]

* * #SUPERMARKET & #WALKIE-TALKIES CONVO WITH @ginnypark

Ginny Park Here. I've got a reward for your honesty and eggplant expertise. [tosses him Ermano's walkie-talkie] Ermano left this behind earlier. Maybe you can leverage its return against him or something.

ike -catches the walkie, then waggles it at her- You're a shit-stirrer. You can't fool me.

Ginny Park Whaaat? Shit-starter how? I have no idea what you're talking about. How else is he gonna get his walkie back? [grins] Maybe you'll be his heeeero.

ike -snorts at her speculation- I have met some hard-asses in my time but never anybody who even APPROACHED the levels of stoneface that guy has. I could come back to town with a sitrep that meets military standards and he'd still side-eye me like I was wearing a fuckin' clown nose to deliver it.

Ginny Park Maybe he’s just not one for stats. Could be a softie for a walkie-talkie. You never know. The clown nose might be a good idea! You’re, uh, Izzy. And Ermano’s… [she pauses thoughtfully then smiles again] Chuckles. Or… Smiley. Bozo. He’d really like that one. Hey, wait, gimme that, I wanna poll people on which names they prefer — [she grabs for the walkie talkie again]

ike -harrumphing- I don't think he's a softie for any… -trails off, blinking once she says 'Izzy'. eyes narrowing slightly, jaw tight, keeping the walkie out of her reach- Who told you to say that? Izzy. Why'd you choose that fucking name out of everything.

Ginny Park Whoa. [takes a step back, turning her head to look at him sidelong] What do you mean, who told me? It’s a pretty simple nickname. Your name’s Isaac, right? It’s like: Virginia is Ginny. Isaac is… that.

… Why would someone have told me to say that, Ike? Who called you that?

ike -still staring at her warily, like he might bolt if things go a direction he doesn't like- Izzy … Izzy was Ember's mom. That was her name, Isabella. I'm the only one she let call her that, though. She's -- she's fucking dead now, Ember said. -a little more viciously- Ike. Ike is what's the nickname for Isaac. You're just being a bitch.

Ginny Park Hey. Let’s back the hell off with the ‘bitch’ stuff, got it? I didn’t know. How could I have known? I brought Ember some food. I didn’t get her whole life story. [more gently, after a beat] I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Ike, then. Ike the clown. Doesn’t have as good of a ring to it, but that’s alright. We can still market it.

[a contemplative pause] Kat. That’s what I called my wife. She hated it at first. [in a mock-up of her wife’s accent] Ekaterina, she said, is a good name. But I told her five syllables was too much to expect from me, given how tongue-tied she made me. So it was Kat.

ike -keeps on watching her narrow-eyed, without responding to her trying to soften the mood, until she mentions her wife- She was, what … is that Russian? Sounds like a ballerina name. -grunts a little, a de-escalating sound- It's hard to think of you doe-eyed over somebody like that. You seem like you'd. I dunno. Think you were above that sort of soppy shit. Not for Kat, though, huh.

Ginny Park Yeah, Russian. Press correspondent. That’s how we met. [laughs, albeit tight, a tendon ticking in her throat] I thought that, too. That I was kind of an exception. But you should’ve seen her. You’d get it, if you had. I cried so hard when I tried to propose that she told me to ‘please get up, you know I’m going to say yes.’

[twirls her bracelet a few times, looking away] That’s all to say that you’re not the only one here who’s felt a loss like that. So I wouldn’t mess with you about that. Not me. … You think of Isabella often?

ike -visibly softening more- Some fairy tale. Your Kat managed to tame the fearsome beast. -exhales gustily when she draws a line between them- Look. I didn't need to jump down your throat about it, I just -- it caught me off-guard and I'm kinda rubbed fuckin' raw over all that shit right now. You got way more reason to feel a loss than I do, considering I was only with Izzy for five years. For maybe five years. And marriage was never even on the table. -shrugs a shoulder- I think of her every so often. If there was a one, she was gonna be it.

Ginny Park I don’t know that I was ever fearsome. Just stubborn. [she pokes at his arm with the eggplant, an attempt to diffuse] I get it. I can’t imagine processing what you’re processing right now. And we don’t have to compare apples and oranges here. Loss is loss. We all know it. And ‘the one’ is no small thing. [looks down at the bracelet again for another beat, clearly distracted, before looking up at Ike with new conviction] Next time you go out, I want to go with you. [the unspoken: to search for Henry] Kat would kick my ass if she knew I was just sitting around while our son was out there. And I’d deserve it.

ike -he nods, mutely; he knows all this, but it's another thing hearing it from someone else- Yeah. Shit sucks all over. -eyes her curiously at her request, then says slowly:- Ohhh-kay. I'll work up a milk run for us. Don't argue, there's an actual place I wanna check out. We don't need all our raids to be straight-up subsistence, not with Redwood on its feet. You and me can afford to do something that neither life nor death hinges on. Them's my terms.

Ginny Park I’ll take whatever terms I can get. Thanks, Ike. I should go, but… I’ll be by your place later, alright? To bring you some of this. [she waves the eggplant then turns to go]

===

Ginny Park Come in, Ike. Ginny calling Ike.

ike Ike here. What's shaking?

Ginny Park Heard word that you saw a hoard from Lookout C the other night. Is that true?

ike Affirmative. What, you got eyes on 'em? Where are you?

Ginny Park Oh, no. No, nothing like that. … … … Did you get a good look at any of them?

ike Gin. [deep sigh] Don't.

Ginny Park It was kids, though? You're sure it was all kids?

ike It was all kids. But they were in hospital gowns. Like a whole peds ward got bit in one visit to the buffet.

Ginny Park …It could've been, though. Fairmont Medical's not far from here, right? He could've gotten scared after… and… Did you, um… put any of them down?

ike Even if he got scared, would he put on a hospital gown? Assign himself one of those id bracelets?

Ginny Park Do we know when Fairmont went down? It could've still been operating… I mean, I know most of the hospitals went to shit immediately, but…

ike Ginny. You're not making sense.

Ginny Park You didn't answer my question.

ike I'm not gonna answer your question because your entire line of thinking is fuckin' batshit! Get a god damn grip on yourself!

Ginny Park Fuck you. Batshit? Look who's talking. When your kid just walked right in here? Please. My grip's just fine. Thought you might spare me the walk, but if you won't do anything, I'll go look for myself.

ike Fuck yourself. You think going out there on some wild goose chase based on something I'm TELLING you is not plausible is gonna help anyone? You or Henry or ANYONE? What the shit did you even ask me for if you're not gonna listen?

Ginny Park It's not a goose chase! It's my son! I just – [sudden disconnection as her voice breaks… a moment before she comes back on] I need to see. I'll look from the tower. That's all. I just… need to see. I need to know.

ike They've moved on, Ginny. Past my Eyries. It would take an actual trek out to catch up with them and it's not worth it.

Ginny Park … Oh. I didn't realize. … Okay. … We're still on for the, um, milk run?

ike Maybe if you didn't try to use my fucking daughter against me.

Ginny Park That's fair. I'm… sorry. That was wrong. Call me jealous.

ike What in God's name is there about me to be jealous for?

Ginny Park You've got her. Messy and scary as I'm sure it is right now, at least you've got time with her. And certainty about where she is. If nothing else.

ike I didn't want any of that. You're not jealous of me for anything that's to do with me, you're just thinking about yourself. Sack up and admit that, at least.

Ginny Park You're telling me you don't want your kid in your life?

ike Ta-daaa.

Ginny Park Jesus, Ike…

ike Come on. This isn't a shock to you.

Ginny Park It is. But maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just thinking by my standards. And clearly we've got very different ones. Tell me that you haven't told her that.

ike [low chuckling] Theeeeere we go. Back to the moral rankings that everyone's more comfortable with. And no, I haven't said that to her. It's not the kind of thing you append to a welcome-to-Redwood card.

Ginny Park Well, at least you wrote her a card.

ike Ha-haaaaa! Hey, you should take your act on the road!

Ginny Park Ba dum tss. Speaking of out on the road… I'm free, over the next few days. If you still want to go on a run. If not… let me know.

ike Yeah, we're still going. I'm going anyhow so you might as well come with. I killed three of them.

Ginny Park … Okay. Thank you. I'm going to… I've got to go check. If he's any of those three. I know that he's probably not. But… I've gotta check. If I'm late to the council meeting, that's where I'm at. Ginny out.

[bi-demon-ium]

(via @mvshortcut) #GOING INSANE OVER THIS#any iteration of 'Nicholas tries to help someone else see [thing] wasn't their fault while completely missing the irony'#or having an 'oh' moment. anyway#Sticky being brave enough to tell Nicholas the truth of what happened even though the mission is over. it won't change anything#but he needs Nicholas to see who he really is and what he;s done and hope nicholas doesn't find him lacking#also sticky having been under curtain's control being able to tell Nicholas that he knows what it's like#it feels like suffocating. it was a terrible situation but he understands why nicholas relished the chance to breathe#not that Nicholas would place his burdens on sticky. he shares his story in an attempt to help Sticky only#but sticky makes some quiet observation or comment like that and it has Nicholas's whole world tilting#he only says 'hm' and offers sticky more tea#kinda off topic but. obsessed with the idea of Sticky and Nicholas writing to each other after this convo while he's at boatwright#I know stick has some issues with letter writing but just consider. consider#them geeking out and sticky telling about his new friends and he finally feels free but not alone. he knows he has a home to return to#and Nicholas is just so so proud of him#once again sorry for rambling but ohhhhh microwaving this high power

NO NO ALSO ROTATING THIS AT MAX SPEED LIKE

1. yeah.... nicholas trying to help someone and completely missing the irony or being forced to face self-love/healing through the other,,,

2. sticky telling him even though he, too, is afraid of judgement, of condemnation, even though it won't do anything, even though he knows if he asked the others would probably keep it to themselves for him, too, regardless of a love for truth, and like. he's so brave. and needing to show him the truth and still be found not lacking... ohhhh.....

3. and yes like. i think. sticky is one of the few people who can really understand what its like to be under his thumb--although nicholas, sticky, and sq all suffered in different ways (and to some extent, also reynie and constance, and although its complicated by other matters, jackson & jillson and martina, as well) like. sticky gets how charming and yet controlling curtain is, gets how he can just. undermine you and cut you down but also bring you up and make you feel special. so like. YEAH like. he gets it, he understands it, and likewise, he can see nicholas understands him, and like. yeah god ,

4. nicholas only tells him to help, to show him he's not alone, that he isn't selfish or bad, that it was a normal choice to make and he--he was even actively manipulated into it. but like. sticky just. quietly is like. you know it wasn't your fault either. you weren't being selfish either. it was a different situation, but... it wasn't your fault. and nicholas just. smiles, small and a little tremulous, not entirely whole, and offers him more tea. because it's not his burden to bear. but like. yeah just. part of him is like. i mean. it helps

5. OHHHHHH THEM WRITING TO EACH OTHER...OHHHH...... there's no pressure to respond and sticky knows that, he doesn't feel pressured to say the right thing or risk pushing him away, and like. mr benedict always responds, always understands what he's talking about in a way sometimes even his peers don't get--sometimes he can give helpful advice, other times he genuinely doesn't know about whatever sticky's telling him and is thrilled to learn--and them geeking out over boats and science....

(im now picturing later sticky casually mentions that nice sea captain who offered him a job during that whole uh. situation. what was his name, noland?? and getting the most harried handwriting hes seen from mr benedict yet as hes like PHIL NOLAND? CAPTAIN PHIL NOLAND? bc i still think the idea that he and mr benedict are still old friends in show canon it just didnt come up is extremely funny)

6. ALKFGJDFGAAAAAAAAAAAAAA just. sticky and mr benedict friendship. mr benedict being a good mentor and understanding him and being so so proud of him......ohhhhh

i think a lot about like. post s1 sticky and mr benedict. like. reynie and constance have their own dynamic with mr benedict, kate--well, she has milligan, and even though she's also not as connected to mr benedict directly, there's something there (and even so, she has an adult). sticky... doesn't. and not only that, but. he feels... guilty.

sticky's the one who doubted him when reynie had faith. sticky's the one who said they couldn't trust him, that his brother might be the good guy. sticky's the one who--oh god

oh god. sticky's the one who "betrayed" his friends for feeling safe. secure.

he just. he doesn't know how to face him, knowing he was wrong. that the whole mission could have failed because he trusted mr benedict's brother over him.

but like. can you fucking imagine when he tells him that. when he admits, falteringly, in his own words, what happened and why. like he tells him i just felt safe. i felt secure and safe in a way i never do, like i wasn't being suffocated and held back and isolated, like i could be myself. how could i have been so selfish as to choose that over my friends? my best friends?

and mr benedict just. visibly shatters a little.

like, obviously their situations are different. sticky was being actively manipulated by a villain intentionally manipulating him and using wibbly wobbly sciencey wiciency mindfuckery tech to do it. and like, how he reacted was different, too--little nicky always had doubt, always felt guilty, while whammied sticky (OUGH. NICKY AND STICKY. I HAVE CONNECTED THE DOTS--you havent connected shit--IVE CONNECTED THEM) was more confident, challenging them and saying he liked the way he was now (partly because of the differences in their circumstances--a anxiety-away magic machine versus a quiet home with books and lack of control are different) and like, just generally, nicky's was a little more. about escape? leaving behind? while sticky's is a little more about. standing by. idk how to word this.

but like. mr benedict trying desperately to be the sort of gentle mentor figure sticky deserves, to not show how much it hurts, but like. his voice cracks when he quietly tells him the story of what really happened, all those years ago. and like. i think maybe mr benedict kind of expects condemnation--sticky is a smart, wonderful child, and he will see the truth: that nicholas did a selfish thing, and betrayed dr. curtain, and that's why curtain is the way he is.

but like. sticky may not be reynie--empathetic reynie whose strength is, in many ways, emotional intelligence--but he's still a kind soul, too. i think while he would see how this might have shaped the bitter, manipulative person he met on the island, he would also see how it shaped the kind, sad person in front of him.

[not-your-fucking-kacchan]

hear me out [if its not too uncomfy for u]: zora n fem reader convo after she had a failed suicide attempt (angst to comfort)

ofc! i would absolutely do this for you - ive actually been thinking of making a bigger fanfic that's based around the concept of a heavily bitter and depressed reader and basing it around their slow recovery-

and if any of yall wanna know i was listening to dark red - steve lacey and homage - mile high club while writing this

Masterlist<3

warning: mentions of suicide, depression...

Zora x Reader - The Fall

"Why?..."

You sit in your room in the Black Bulls Hideout in the dark. It's night, and your curtains are drawn shut to block out the moonlight, the brightness of it giving you a headache.

You completely ignore the redhead standing at the door, who had just burst in unannounced and unwelcome. You wanted to be left alone and this is what they give you?

He had just gotten back from a mission, tired and irritated, only to be met with the news that you had made an attempt on your life. Apparently you'd spent the last day and a half in your room, not coming out and not bothering to socialise of even get up and eat something. You had told Henry that you needed time to think, and to recover, so he had to make sure that noone could find you with the assurance that he would check on you every few hours to make sure you were okay.

So you have no clue as to how Zora had found you. Maybe Henry was getting worried and lead him to you.

"Tell me, what you were thinking!?"

His eyes are filled with something you can't recognise for a second, a deep sinking feeling clutching at his heavy heart as he looks at you, layed down on your bed and staring at the wall, long matted hair draping over your body and falling off the bed.

You don't respond to him for a few seconds, simply staring at the cold, bleak, grey wall on the other side of the room as you try to think of something to say.

"... 'm sorry..."

"...Is that really all you have to say about it?"

His voice is pained, and you've never heard him with this much emotion in his voice before, yet you show no outward reaction other than the slow tears that well up in your waterline, building up and collecting in the inner corner of your eye to be blinked away, the warm trails running over the bridge of your nose and soaking into the bed beneath you. It's so quiet in here you can practically hear the tears hitting the pillow in a soft patter.

The way you are right now, Zora only sees a shell of the person he used to know.

"Come on... Talk to me! What the hell were you thinking?!..."

Your soft sniffle is what interrupts him. You just feel so defeated and deflated. Like all purpose and meaning in your life had just been pried from your fingertips when you were so close to getting better. And, God, you were so close...

"He doesn't remember me."

That catches the redhead off guard. What the hell were you talking about? Oh. No. He knows now. And he instantly lets out a melancholy sound, like a grieved moan. There's a heavy weight in his chest and he felt how his heart dropped into his stomach at your words, gutted for you, and genuinely mournful. There's so much understanding in just that sound alone, so much empathy.

"He doesn't even remember me. Everything i did for him. To get to him. To catch up with him... And all this time- I was nothing to him. I wasn't even a stranger to him. I devoted everything i had to revenge - getting back at him for leaving me behind... What a fucking joke."

"..."

Zora has absolutely no clue what to say in response. You're a ticking time bom right now, ready for all of that heartache and crushing hopelessness to bubble into anger and hatred, and he needed to say the exact right thing to make sure that that didn't happen.

"You can kill that asshole another time. You'll have your chance to give him a reminder. I promise you that... But he was never worth your life. And you gotta be smart enough to realise that none of us are willing to lose you, you idiot.

Plus, if you die now, all you'll ever be is one of his failures. You'll be forever immortalised as his mistake. But you can do so much better than that. And you can bet your ass we'll be backing you every step of the way. So come on and get up out of bed already, enough pouting."

He knows that a little motivational speech fuelled by spite will get you going, he only hopes that it'll be enough after what happened. You were so lost in despair, he almost doesn't know if he brought you back out or not, and whether you're willing to keep on.

But his worries are eased as he sees a little bit of life spark in those eyes when you look at him, and he's gives you a delighted, shark-toothed grin as the corner of your lips twitches into a small and delicate smile, vulnerable and open.

"We're right here with you, and we'll stay that way for every step you take."

His expression softens as he looks at you, ruffling your hair slightly and ignoring the pang of his heart when you lean into his touch.

"Come on, gremlin, time to speak with the family..."

[ornithia]

i got sick and tired of seeing her (and for anyone reading this, we're talking about that @starlatte27) clog my tags with literal bullshit and got lucky enough to happen upon her while she talking out of her ass on a subject i was significantly more familiar with than she (french animation).

too bad my words were wasted bc she literally took NOTHING away what i said and only kept trying to derail the convo by slinging false accusations my way ([and now she's even taking me out of context on more essay rants] which ... i do have to apologize for. she blocked me so now i don't have to see her in the tags but she didn't have the courtesy to block the rest of the website so now you're all stuck with that aftermath).

also, that she had the audacity to call me a coward, when i was direct and to the point about everything i said? while she kept jumping back and forth just to seem like she was constantly in the "right" is hilarious. she thought i was mad at her bc she's a hazbin/helluva critical and no, those shows have genuine flaws, i won't deny that (and just for transparency's sake, i do enjoy hazbin significantly more than helluva boss) - but i literally was just mad about her willing crusade of ignorance (in addition to a few other pet peeves i will elaborate on) -

but just - to blame them for real world problems is about as bad as boomers blaming video games for school shootings. maybe if she (and other) antis would put even an ounce of that passion into real-world victims of abuse and violence they'd actually change the world but noo, i guess it's so much easier to feed your "hero" complex when you don't actually have real lives on a literal deadline to weight on your conscious if you don't actually manage to get anything done, right?

anyway, @starlatte27, this one's for you - and i wasn't even actually going to bring it up, except you called me a "coward hiding behind a screen", and now that i'm seeing how you're conveniently editing your posts after you blocked me (which you are free to do, but not so that you can play revisionist history) and taking my words out of context (and i gave you SO much context to work with) -

you're not just deliberately dense, you are maliciously manipulative, and i can't tell if you just fail to see the hypocrisy, or if you really are just a kid shamelessly lying on the internet just so that you can earn some internet points so that your "much older" internet friends with give you a sad pat on the back, but you are not an ally to survivors. AND you're acephobic, to boot:

i sent this anon message to her a few days ago in response to [this post] and its [follow-up] (bc i hate typing on my phone and i didn't want to log onto tumblr from my work computer)

how did she respond? by taking me out of context [here] (there were undoubtedly other anons, possibly including the original, but her response to my parts were wildly exaggerated, so i can only assume the worst for theirs, too)

and what did she do when i asked her to actually publish her asks, in full context like a self-respecting person who isn't afraid of being called out for lying?

(my ask, by the way. for context): asexual anon here. i only sent 2 asks, and i have no idea who else sent anything, but how about you post everyone's full asks for full context instead of hiding behind vague accusations like a coward? because how dare you call me acephobic when i've been asexual for longer than you've been alive. you're a literal child at 17, what are you even doing in adult fandom spaces when you're clearly not mature enough to even comprehend what a "story" is?

src: https://starlatte27.tumblr.com/post/647030273639383040/you-hearin-somthin

real mature 🙄 maybe i was a bit harsh, i will admit, but she was infantilising my sexuality and being patronising, to boot. as an asexual, i wasn't viewing valentino as a character to be 'thirsted' over (and even THAT isn't a crime for those people who like his aesthetic, so long as they recognise that he is fictional) - i was viewing him as a villain to be reckoned with, a plot point to be resolved. i despise his character archetype, but i can also respect the role he provides for the narrative because he is what gives angel and vox and charlie and vaggie and alastor and whoever the fuck else is used by him and/or disgusted by what he represents a reason to change the status quo that surrounds them. THAT is called critical thinking.

ps: oh by the way, she also pulled the stupid "stop it guys i'm just a kid on the internet :-)" bullshit here, too:

src: https://starlatte27.tumblr.com/post/647023177902489601/my-asks-are-getting-attacked-by-valentino-fans seriously grow the fuck up

[knightofameris]

FINALS WEEK IS SO SOON FOR YOU? OMG. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU! may you have good grades and retain the information you study for ❤️

literally tho, i'd ALSO fight atsumu LMAOOO we'll tag team 'em ;) it'll be a cute little couple bonding moment 🥰

i feel that draining thing! and i think the word you are looking for IS ambivert hehe tbh whenever i don't feel like carrying a convo i kinda just ghost my friend and then i feel SUPER bad abt it whenever i get the chance to respond asDfGHJKL but like they usually understand... i hope 😅 but don't be afraid to take a break and all that bc during this time, socializing really does leave such a huge impact now! :,)

I KNOW YOU'RE PICKING UO VIDEO GAMES!! I SAW YOUR BLURB ABT GENSHI IMPACT AND THE NEW SPIDER-MAN MILES MORALES GAME AND MY HEART!!! i've been meaning to buy it but it's literally sold out whenever i go 😀 but that mini event tho? tell me about that? 👀 ur literally so creative ugh spare some brain cells PLEASE

i've been doing well!! writing ever now and then bc my school load as been getting softer! thank goodness! i have a christmas event planned soon which i'm REALLY excited for 😷 hopefully, i can get some request out of the way before starting that up tho. i have another question for you tho! what are some of your fave fic tropes? this is for... of course... research purposes 👀📝 -dylan

OMG REALLY? i know a few people who has finals like this week! which is crazy to me. all these school systems never lining up so I can never hang out with friends during break ):< not that we should, all things considered LOL and thank you ;-; i hope you get them good grades too!!!! <3 

TAG TEAM THEM OMG YES AHJASDKHFAFJ the cutest couple bonding moments omg 🥺

OH SO I DO HAVE BRAIN CELLS APPARENTLY AHAHAH and omg no i totally get that, the few friends i do talk to consistently rn we’ve talked about like “ghosting” but we all know that we just need to do our own thing sometimes so I'm sure they understand!! i miss talking to people tho! and honestly, the fact that i get drained from even talking to people online just goes to show that online friends and whatever is really just as valid as irl friends uwu PLUS I LIKE TO THINK WE ALL KNOW??? WE CAN’T ALWAYS RESPOND RIGHT AWAY??? like different timezones or like having other things to do and forgetting to reply, etc. 

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH IT’S BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE BEEN SO INVESTED IN VIDEO GAMES IDK WHY I DROPPED IT (jk i do know why the guys i played with were always toxic so i dropped,,,, also didn't have consoles and stuff to play until my brother came back home with his stuff) AND AHHHHHHHHHH dude my brother got really lucky with miles morales and the ps5, i was like wtff. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK WITH IT THO IT’S SO GOOOD AHHHH

and ommmg tbh! i really like doing these mini events, it’s like a break from my WIPS plus they’re a way to exercise my creative juices??? LOL but uhhhhhhh it has to deal with AU’s and ,,,, lol video games 

HELL YEAH i’m glad your school load is lightening up!! YOU DESERVE IT!!! take some time for yourself ;-; AND OMG CHRISTMAS EVENT IM EXCITED. i was thinking about doing a holiday event but i was like,,,, nah,,,, cus i could never i think AJKFLDJF ALS YOU’RE CREATIVE TOO I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, I HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS. IF I FIND ANY I’LL SEND THEM YOUR WAY LOL and i believe in you!!!!!! don’t burn out tho ;-; pls 

and omg,,, research purposes,,, i,,, i really like childhood friends to lovers as well as enemies/rivals to lovers,,,,,,,,, and the whole mutual pining and oblivious idiots LOL i’m kinda basic. i do enjoy AUs a lot though! i don’t go out of my way to find them but if i wander on one of an AU-concept i like then i’ll probably read it lol. annnnnd usually those AU’s i like are on the side of like, action-adventure-esque???? it’s my marvel side trying to make its way back in my life but i won’t let it <3 OH AND DOMESTIC STUFF ARGFHGFGH or fake dating? that’s real cute. wha-what about your favorite tropes 🥺👉👈 @miyalove

[herestheteaig]

What should I do??

Hi, I don’t really know if anyone will see this but I'm gonna try, just incase. If you do choose to respond, you can be as brutally honest & unbiased as you’d like, I’m not easily offended.

I am f19, and have been in a relationship with m18 for almost 6 years. For the sake of his privacy lets call him Joe.

lets call me Mina.

Backstory:

- Joe & I have been together since we were 13, we went to the same secondary school & college (for Americans, same middle school & high school)

- we had been close friends since we were like 11, very visibly super close friends in school.

- when we started dating at the end of our second year, we spent the entire summer together.

- when we got back he just... pretended I didn't exist????

- like tf?

- anyway, we were still hanging out outside of school, but my school separate the year based on grades in third year, so I was placed in X and he was placed in Y, therefore we had 0 classes together

- though, in the corridors, at lunch, at break, etc, he’d pretend I didn't exist???

- he also told me not to tell anyone we were dating???

- this lasted maybe 2 years? until I got really mad and he started acknowledging me in our final year of secondary school & people knew we were dating.

- his mum ended up convincing me to apply to the same college as him, we did different courses so rarely saw each other, but occasionally took the train together on one of our mutual starting times.

- now, I go to university about 2 hours away from our hometown and live there, he doesn’t go to university at all.

the catfish:

- of course the initial: “don’t tell anyone we’re dating”

- when I was still 13, I did something SUPER childish, though no regrets and made a fake iMessage account so he’d think someone was texting him.

- I used Loren Gray’s picture because this boy had NO social medias, he was SO anti it.

- anyway, pretended I had gotten his number on Facebook, and that I had seen him at athletics (he’s an athlete) and I thought he was attractive and asked if he had a girlfriend

- then we went through this long “no I don't” “jk I do” back and forth bullshit. 

- oh he also didn't tell me about her until I said she had messaged me, but whatever idc but that's the first piece of info. 

Sabrina:

- next, I must've been 15?? idk exactly how old I am

- I do not and have NEVER cared who my boyfriend talks to, girl, boy, non-binary, whatever, I don't give a shit. 

- so I'm on his phone, taking snapchats to save to his memories and I kept seeing this girls name pop up. 

- let’s call her Sabrina.

- I had noticed he talks to her a LOT, but he never had mentioned her, but eh its whatever... probably just one of his friends, right?

- I used to just message his friends on his phone so I went onto her chat intending to be like “heyyyy bro, nice to meet you my name is Mina, do you wanna be friends?”

- but I'm seeing messages talking about: “what age would you have sex?”

- side note: he and I both lost our virginities when we were 15, later this year but at this point we had both been “handsy” down there??? 

- anyway she says “18″, he says “you know its legal at 16 tho right?

- “yeah, but still 18″

- “why not 16″

- whatever I don't remember the entire convo.

- so I was like hmm this is a bit sus and scrolled up to see their messages. 

- “do you have a girlfriend” “no” “actually yes” “im joking, no.”

- so im like wait what???

- anyway, I don't mention it for like 7 months? he denies it before saying what he said was innocent and he was just curious in a friendly way. 

- I let it go.

Kendall:

- I was probably 16 or almost 17 at this point 

- again, for privacy, we’ll call this girl Kendall.

- Kendall and I have a mutual friend, we’ll call her Tiana.

- Tiana and I were best friends.

- One day, Tiana messaged me and said hey, my friend Kendall was speaking to  Joe & realised wait isn't that Mina’s boyfriend and sent me these screenshots as soon as she realised.

- I had probably seen her name in his recent chats but didn't care enough to ask about it.

- anyway, the screenshots were just him being super flirty with emojis? like sounds childish but you know what I mean.

- and he was joking about “go to bed its past your bed time” and she was like “no why are you chatting, you’re up too”

- then. THEN. THIS BOI HAS THE AUDACITY.

- “shush and listen to your daddy”

- wHAT.

- I immediately confront him and he denies knowing anyone of that name at first, before saying oh I didn't mean it like that, it was like a mum/ dad joke we have

- so again, I let it go

Adrien:

- back in school, my maths teacher sent myself and this boy to the study area which is an open space in the school, visible from all levels.

- lets call him Adrien.

- note: adrien and I were both quite smart and in top set for most classes, our surnames are next to eachother on the register so were often seated beside each other. 

- we were very very close FRIENDS

- so we’re doing work, chatting a bit- whatever

- at some point, he jokingly pushes my head away, idk what I said, I do not remember. 

- note: the entire school is IN CLASS.

- a few seconds later, I feel my phone vibrate, sneak it out of my pocket to see a text from Joe: “why is Adrien touching your face?”

- I look around and no ones there, anyway he still gets mad about it now.

Other stuff:

- he used to threaten to kill himself if i broke up with him

- or if we were arguing he’d say he can do this anymore, imply suicide, the leave his phone for ages and get super mad if I contacted his sister or mum to find out if he was safe.

- sometimes i’d see him joking around on his sisters snapchat story when I'm panicking because he said he’d kill himself.

- I'm not materialistic, but the fact that he rarely would get me bday/xmas presents was kinda upsetting. (he has a lot of money, my family is broke but I make the BIGGEST deal out of xmas and his bday and everything)

- would work extra hours so he’d feel so so spoiled on xmas and his bday. 

- once he got me just a xmas themed toilet roll on Christmas, last year he gave me a small jar of vegan candies.

- I think he acknowledged valentines day twice in our relationship? 

- which was sad because pre-relationship, valentines was my fave day of the year & I'd hand out heart shaped chocolates to everyone at school.

- often blames his mental health on me.

- will cut me off and then act like I'm the one not listening to HIS problems. 

- if another guy has a crush on ME, then he gets mad at me?

- every boy in my college class admitted to having a crush on me at some point, awkward but my course was reliant on group projects so I couldn't just block them??? they all knew I had a bf

Extra:

- I have never orgasmed ONCE in my entire life... rip

- when I say he is ACTUALLY jealous, I mean like ACTUALLY jealous of me having a crush on like... cartoon characters?? (& also anime characters)

- has said sexist and transphobic things, that I DRAGGED him for.

- I think he's very manipulative and also immature. 

- hates that I'm smart

- HATES that my love language is acts of service. like HATES it.

- there's more but I won't bore you.

mini story:

- we went to Paris for my 18th birthday. 

- he tried to break up with me right before because “he feels like shit compared to other guys”

- I was crying down the phone (I never ever cry) begging him to reconsider

- we went to Paris, it was nice. 

- note: we also had sex there

- and then we get back and he says: “I hated you the entire time” and other stuff but I don't remember

this is according to him:

- I think I'm right all the time and think im little miss perfect

- I put in no effort

- I do not listen

- I just need to realise that all my male friends are only my friends because they want to fuck me.

- I do not care about anything

- I assume things 

- I compare him to other guys????

- I make him feel like shit 

(his words, though I disagree)

- we have been in a relationship for almost 6 years

- he’s my friend

- I love his family so much, I've watched his nephew grow up and I text his sister and I just love them.

- though he isn’t my type on paper, I do find him attractive 

- we have somewhat similar kinks

- my family seem to like him

- not gonna lie, we’d make cute babies.

- we both enjoy sports and also he sometimes plays video games with me (I'm an avid gamer, I twitch stream and play PC, PS4 & Switch, he sometimes will play fortnite or Mario kart with me)

- we have this cute cheerleader/ athlete thing which I like

- oh, right, pls don't judge this but its important to me to raise my children plant-based until they're old enough to decide for themselves- he isn't plant-based but is 100% onboard which is very important to me.

- has done cute things for me before like turn up at my house with my fave candy or buy an extra pack of gum/ drink for me.

- this sounds irrelevant, but I DO love to party/rave but I do not drink alcohol, I actually have a weird phobia of it, though I would 100% get high

- Joe and I both do not drink and although that's not something id look for in a s/o, it made me feel like I wasn't the only one lmao. 

- my first & only relationship

ANWYAY, we’ve been arguing for months, if you see this what do you think I should do? would it be overreacting to break up? I would still wanna be his friend because I care but I dunno what to do

[zhanxixis]

I know Zhan won't kiss Jian Yi because... I think he wouldn't do it unless he's in a relationship with Jian Yi. (not that they aren't in one now, but lololol) I don't think he'd hurt his friend that much. I have an impression he'd apologize for it later, and that is really bad. Zhan still doesn't know how much he loves Jian Yi, we already know that. He ALWAYS waited for him to decide, that's why I'm still so impressed he was the one who asked that kind of question.

[c] I was more like his concern, don’t you think?… everytime he asked something he was thinking of Jian Yi’s well being, right? I don’t think he knows how to deal with it. I don’t think he made that question thinking he would be more intimate or anything IDK JNFDJ but he’s gonna try to do his best to fix things??? but this is not something he can, like, actively do something!!! you know what I mean?? I’m still afraid of what he’s gonna do fdngkjndg zhan understand things, but he can break Jian yi

ok, the second message sounded like it might have been a continuation of the first one so I’m assuming they’re both from the same person but if not, then I’m truly sorry for my assumption. 

I’m not too shocked zhan asked that kind of question cause he has constantly been trying to get answers from jian yi lately, repeatedly asking him what he’s thinking, trying to get him to talk in a very cautious way because he doesn’t want to push jian yi too much but naturally.. he is beginning to get more desperate about talking about this sort of thing [in chapter 153, he even physically stops jian yi from trying to walk away from the conversation by grabbing onto his arm]; what I am shocked about is that this time, he asked it so directly: “do you like me?”… I thought he was just gonna walk on eggshells around jian yi and maybe indirectly ask him again but nope, boy went straight for the kill this time lol. I simply think zhan is trying to get the answers to the burning question[s] he’s been having. and I have a feeling zhan won’t kiss jian yi either  — and let me clarify, its not because zhan may not have feelings for jian yi, in fact I think the opposite.. I think I said a few times already that I DO believe zhan is already in love with jian yi, I just don’t think he is the type of person to realize it [basically like what you said: “zhan still doesn’t know how much he loves jian yi”], I mean this boy is still not even 100% sure if jian yi likes him hence why he is asking jian yi this question in the first place [he’s looking for a confirmation], even though jian yi is obvious as hell, so of course he wouldn’t recognize his own feelings. also zhan has just initiated/done so many things that are just plain gay okay. nothing this man does for jian yi is straight/platonic: he surprised jian yi on his birthday with sparklers on top of a mountain with a romantic view saying “this is a place I’ve always wanted to bring you to”, he has initiated ALL of their handholds except for one in chapter 97 when he was sleeping and jian yi grabbed his hand, he’s constantly thinking about jian yi over anyone else - srsly jian yi is on his brain 24/7 tbh, he can be clingy af too [not just jian yi] he hates being separated from jian yi and is always wanting to see him: couldn’t stand being separated from jian yi for a whole period when he had a nose bleed, needed to see jian yi immediately when he was in the hospital so he called him over, basically died and went zombie mode when jian yi disappeared for two days: “i want to see him”, the “I want to protect you” scene WHILE HOLDING HIS HAND, zhan blushing like crazy when jian yi brought up said “i want to protect you” convo, hell all the times zhan has blushed around jian yi in general, he rarely grins but when he does it’s for jian yi, zhan being extremely overprotective and worried for jian yi a bunch of times, thinks he’s handsome and blushed like hell when saying it, also holds the back of jian yi’s neck and cradles his face a lot, the way he stares at jian yi etc. and pheww i’m getting off topic but yeah, I just wanted to clarify my reasoning. 

I simply think the kiss won’t happen because.. well it’s old xian and coming from ox, I would honestly be very shocked if we were to get a confession AND a kiss. I’m not saying it’s completely impossible because ox has surprised us in the past but I think that there is a low chance of it happening. however, if a kiss were to happen though, I don’t think zhan would apologize for it tbqh. zhan isn’t really the type to do things without thinking about it first, unless it comes to jian yi’s safety where we actually see him acting erratic/panicked, immediately in overprotective boyfriend mode. I assume if he were to do it though, it wouldn’t be a spur of the moment thing to him and that maybe the past two days without jian yi and talking about this with him may have caused him to finally think about/realize his own feelings for jian yi. something I’ve actually thought about is that if zhan were to attempt to kiss him, I wouldn’t be shocked if jian yi were to try and push him away thinking of it as a pity kiss and zhan responding with ‘it’s not out of pity, i’m kissing you because I want to’ or something like that. idk what old xian will have him do in response to jian yi’s confession but I don’t think it would be anything bad.. I feel like maybe zhan’s immediate response would be to let jian yi know he is not abnormal or weird for loving him, at least not to him; just like in chapter 164 when jian yi asked him if he was abnormal and he said “no”. I think it’s extremely important to zhan that jian yi knows that no matter what he is not going to abandon/leave him for anything.

[meantime though as we wait for an update, we can always stare at the beautiful canon illustrations of zhanyi together in the future: 1, 2, 3, etc./rest on ox’s weibo]

[gentlytakemyhand-blog]

they/them is a lot better than the feeling of assumption. it's kind of like the way-station for pronouns.🤣 you can have a convo with the individual themselves about their pronouns, but until then, neutral is nice.🤠

😱🤯 im just gonna. go a smidge ranty. it's my style (tho, this is my 1st time doin sj work but ynot😅), but up🔝 is my answer.😊 otherwise, enjoy! 🤯😱

in our cis-based society, pronouns can define how a person is treated by others. its especially true if you don't fit a cookie cutter mold and get cut... but that's not to say that one pronoun is better than another, just as i don't say that red is brighter than blue. we all must remember that everything is perceptual. to each their own. in our cis-based society, there are 2 molds for gender that are considered "normal": red and blue.

with red and blue as the pinnacle of our glorious myriad of gender colors, we can now choose red or blue for: birthdays, clothing, pronouns, and how people get treated by others.

i stop at the last one for impact because that's what i want to matter to you, the reader. let me tell you a story on why pronouns do matter.

a boi is doin his work as a customer service agent, restocking shelves, minding his business, waiting for a customer to ask him a question because it's inevitable.

"ma'am!" he hears from behind him. he doesn't believe that's about him because he's a dude, so he doesn't respond. he feels someone tap his shoulder and he spins around to find a young woman.

"excuse me, ma'am? can you not hear me? i'm right behind you!" she exclaims at him and his eyebrows furrow.

he puts on his customer service smile and bows ever so slightly because he's an anime weeaboo nerd. "sorry, what do you need help with?" he says in a deeper voice than what she thought was going to come from his pretty lightly-glossed lips.

she looks slightly startled and confused, but continues with her questioning, using his incorrect pronouns. he bares it with a smile because it's not like he's gonna see her again. he doesn't want to cause a fuss, make a scene. he's afraid that if he corrects her, she'll blow up about how he's wrong about his own gender and that he's "just confused." it's happened more than 10 times before this. he doesn't want to take the chance, however each time she uses the wrong pronoun, it takes him back to those times.

by the end of the exchange, he feels emotionally battered and she leaves with a smile, knowing where she needs to go, telling the poor boi, "you were very helpful, honey. if only you answered me when i was first calling you."

and she leaves.

he looks down at his hands. they... they look masculine... right? they're boney, yet muscular from how much he lifts bags with his fingers in this job...

he feels at his face. he supposes his cheeks are a bit rounder than most... but is that what makes him look feminine? he's not even wearing any make-up today...

he whips his ponytail. oh, right. his undercut ponytail. but that's so popular for men his age now. he's workin it because hair is pretty changeable.

he sighs, thinking about how he's only supposed to spend 30 seconds stocking a box to a shelf and he wants to get back to the backroom soon...

he kneels to pick up his now empty box that he dropped after his first exchange only to have his second exchange suddenly show up behind him, shoving his personal space bubble up against the aisle wall.

"excuse me, miss. can you tell me where the bathrooms are?" a well-to-do business man in his evening suit questions politely from 1ft away.

feeling awkward, but not wanting to lose gtound or make the customer feel awkward, he gufaws. he collects himself quickly, clearing his throat, before responding "well, bruh, the bathrooms are-" and he explains to the business man where the bathrooms are and how to get to them.

the business man eventually looks confused by the end of the explanation and the boi questions re-explanation. "are you a man or a woman?"

he blinks a few times, sliding his palm over the top of his head to smooth out the hair leading to the ponytail in a strained manner. "excuse me?" he growled through gritted teeth.

the man blinks a few times, realizing what he had just asked. "no, i- you're very pretty."

ok, now the kid is just getting pissed. "i'm a man, but thank you." he says sternly, almost as if scolding. "now if you'll excuse me, sir, i need to get back to stocking. i'm working on a time limit. i wish you a good night." he bows to the business man, giving him a once over before turning and going back to his cart of items in a lackadaisical hoodrat manner.

the business man didn't question it. he left, looking confused with himself.

the boi stood by his cart, trying to meditate to breaking down his box. he begins to refind his zen, waiting for a customer to ask him a question because it's inevitable.

yup. every day life.

as john mulaney puts it "same sh*t as always."

btw that's a story from me. that stuff happens a lot... legit every day life.

people tell me "if you want to be seen as a man so badly, then act like one!" do you know how many dudes have died doin fraternity dares? i'm good. i don't have to prove my masculinity to anyone. as long as i feel like myself at the end of the day, that's what truly matters.

@ people who prefer different pronouns. Can we call you they/them til we learn what you want? I guess it would probably be rude to assume it was he or she before knowing for sure

[faeriefulmoon]

how would u deal with one of your best friends being really bad at responding over text or takes a few days to text back? I'm not really mad about it so I don't wanna come off that way or be confrontational. I'm just really bored and lonely in quarantine and it would help if she was a little better at staying in touch but I don't wanna say anything

I would just be straight up with her, she's ur friend and if somethings bothering u addressing it right away is the best things. just like with any romantic relationship ur gonna have conversations about problems or disagreements and confronting them and be honest is healthy and a sign of good communication. just say politely something along the lines of “I miss u a lot since we can't see each other rn (quarantine) and ive noticed u kinda take long to answer its no big deal at all I just miss our convos and miss u” u can obviously personalize it more, just make it rlly nice so she doesn't feel attacked. hope this helps ✨

[dyo-alone]

I want to talk to someone more but they're very shy and I try not to talk to them too long because I don't want to annoy them but I REALLY find them funny and weird and I want to be their friend but they're hard to read in the face so I feel like i have to be direct and ask if I'm annoying them so I can for sure know to leave them alone

sometimes its better to be more direct? so you know where your limits are? i think it would be fine to ask if you’re annoying them. even though im shy irl i can be pretty talkative online so i do feel the way ur feeling sometimes so i try to limit my messages to a couple every few hours if theyre not responding right away. but if they are responding and continuing the conversation i’ll continue as is cuz it feels like theyre having fun too you know? sometimes you just have to gauge the vibe of the convo

[datingadviceonreddit]

So this girl has told me in the past she has never been in a relationship. Some day's we would talk for 3 hours straight, and the next day neither of us would initiate anything. But she has always responded to me when I have messaged her since we started talking in November.I have stupidly asked her out via text not long after we started talking. I kinda dropped it, but later on she agreed, but said she would rather get together to study and maybe we could grab food later. We basically just talked the whole time and she asked me if I would want to do this again, and we talked about meeting her friends.. ect.I notice whenever I get slightly pushy she always goes super cold. Like I asked her the next day when she would like to meet up, and she said she actually can't now as she has too much going on. Anyways this all happened between NOV to early JAN.So late January we always kept talking every other day, but randomly she sent me a little card asking me to take her out on Valentines this year. I got caught off guard and I said "If only", and told her knowing me I'd probably end up asking her anyways.. and she laughed.A few days later (I realized she was being serious at that moment) I made her a card and gave it to her outside of class.. I had scribbled "NOTES" on the front.. so she thought it was just class notes. She gets home and reads it and sends me a picture telling me how cute it was, and it was so smooth. To keep it short she started getting a bit cold with me later in the day after flirting for 3 hours straight. I kinda assumed she just wasn't sure/wasn't interested and forgot about it.A few days later in class she randomly comes up to me and say's "Nice hat, like my Shirt". We both had similar stuff on so we talked for like 3-4 min before class.. She had never tried talking to me in person before that so it was a bit random.. she always seems shy.Before next class she kept mentioning how shes going to be drinking alone for Valentines and stuff. I didn't say much, but I did tell her to try talking to that guy. I was kinda sick of her games at this point. We didn't talk the rest of the weekend. Next class I come up to her and we start talking. I ask her why she doesnt wear her glasses anymore, and then I ask her if she found a Valentine. She said no I haven't really been looking I plan on drinking alone. I said "Want to be mine?" She tells me she had planned just drinking alone. Then right away she asked me if I wanted to go Skiiing with her and her friends. So we walk into class and I decide fuck it and sit next to her. She seemed super figity and nervous but she talking to me she just didnt really look at me. (The guy she was seeing before was sitting a few seats off to her right).I leave class and she messages me right away about the assignment we had. I politely just responded. Later at night she messages me about meeting up with her to finish the assignment, I said I might be busy but we will see. For the next few days she kept initiating with me not messaging her once. So now basically we are on a 8 day snapchat spree where we have been messaging each other ALOT.Here's where I get more confused. Last week she convinced me to go to the student ran bar/club we have at night. She told me if I buy a girl a drink its an easy way to bring her home. "Just make sure she is really pretty!" I get there and she was almost trying to avoid me it seemed. The room isnt big at all but I never saw her once (she was dancing right up beside the DJ where its dark). She messaged me early the next morning telling me how she hoped I had a good time.. ect.A few days back I told her she could work with us in a group for the assignment. She told me she wasn't sure she hates big groups. I dropped it. Next class while I'm leaving I rubbed my hand on her back and told her I'll see her around. Not even 5 minutes later she messages me telling me she would actually like to join the group. So we been working together and she seems to be fine now in person with eye contact and such.So last night/today she kept wishing me happy birthday and telling me I should go to the campus club/bar again and try to hook up with some girls and get them drunk. I told her hmm probably not we'll see, but later she brought it up again so I told her "you better go!" and she said "oh no I have a date haha"The thing is she has been messaging me all day showing me pics of her studying for an exam and stuff. Still right now I have given multiple times to let her end the convo but just saying Lol and she keeps going. (Pretty obvious shes not on any date lol.) I do notice she mentions other guys a decent amount, yet she's told me shes never been with anyone in her life. She has also got super personal with me telling me how she has Crohns disease and family related problems.. ect. via /r/dating_advice