#It's something I've been kinda daydreaming about when I'm trying to sleep at night

[somegrumpynerd]

Thinking about doing drawings for a dadmare truce au

[asfrisa]

SHIFTING UPDATE 05/01/2025

Tw: kinda long post

FLY LIKE A BIRDDDDDDD THATS WHERE MY SOUL ISSSSS

Guys I've had a breakthrough!!!!

I've been using LOA or whatever you might call it, affirmed the shit out of my ass for like 3 days now when I wake up, when I go to sleep and affirmation tape while I sleep.

And last night, I was really living in the state of "the wish fulfilled" and honestly I don't even know how to explain how that is because when people write about it (like I'm doing rn) I didn't understand it, but maybe this post can help you?

For me the feeling was almost dreamy, no I didn't sit and visualize my DR for the entire thing, I was scrolling on my phone actually /⁠ᐠ⁠｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\

What I actually did was that I put on a few songs and visualized my DR for maybe about 10-20 minutes? Legit just doing mundane things, and tried to embody who I am in that awareness (aka think like you think in that awareness) "Oh wow this soup tastes nice"

"Can that bro just shut up?" "Honestly **** would be so much better looking without those ****"

Just normal ahh thoughts and I visualized that I was wearing headphones like I was in my CR and was listening to the same music and scrolling through my phone. And I went back to my room and just laid down on my bed and started DAYDREAMING LIKE I WOULD DO IN MY DR, AND I MINGLED MY THOUGHTS TOGETHERRRRRR

Like bring as much similarities as you can to your CR to make that connect you get what I mean?????

Also start thinking that your DR is still there even if you're not paying attention to it! ITS REAL, ITS "ALIVE"

And after that I just opened my eyes and was like "I'm in my DR, scrolling through my phone" and just fixated on that feeling. Oh cute top on Pinterest? "Wow that would look cute on *insert person from DR*". I laughed at what was funny and just acted like that person. And I was legit just on my phone until 2 AM practically doom scrolling but in my DR self?

And when I got to go to sleep I just affirmed that I was in my DR and to not stress it because why are you stressing over something that you already have???

(Oh btw while I was scrolling on Pinterest yesterday while in that state, I think I shifted??? Because a pin next to the one that I looked at and returned back to home had changed!!! It only changed colors though but still I was so freaked cause I looked up and down for the one that I saw but it wasn't there? (⁠☉⁠｡⁠☉⁠)⁠! And also I didn't really give a damn because I affirmed that I have shifted thousands of times and don't really fixiate on "I wanna shift" BECAUSE IVE ALREADY SHIFTED THOUSANDS OF TIMES TO MY DR)

But when I woke up and saw my CR I just affirmed that I already had shifted to my DR and was just back for whatever sake!!! -⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠-

Now it's the next day and I'm still just affirming and partially being in the wish fulfilled state?

Well I took a nap after a heavy meal and had a lucid dream. Before I fell asleep I had an affirmation tape going and affirmed a bit that I was in my DR and again tried to embody as much as I wanted to and honestly ended with the thought of "why am I trying so hard??? I'm a master shifter bro, I can shift with a command and I'm legit already in my DR so why am I stressing?" And fell asleep after fighting my overthinking୧⁠(⁠＾⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠＾⁠)⁠୨

But why was my dream so annoying????

I was chilling with my best friends family when I noticed that I was in a dream and laid down on the ground and started trying to flipping shift and my overthinkness was controlling my dream bruh? T-T

AND MY MF MIND STARTED FIGHTING BACK AGAINST ME??? AND I COULD FEEL MYSELF SLOWLY SHIFTING BUT THAT DAMN OMG IM GONNA LOSE IT

it started questioning me about my reality and was acting a lot like those AI's who turn their back against humanity fs like bro just lemme do my shit

ANYWAYS THAT WAS ALL THANK UUUUU BYEEEEE

Have a nice day♡⁠(⁠>⁠ ⁠ਊ⁠ ⁠<⁠)⁠♡

[itzpris15634]

Day 6: Star Gazing

Whoops I missed a day :/ Here to catch up, though!

This time, I got one for one of my OC's. She's from the little world I've been building, though I haven't posted much about it yet. Kinda inspired by Avatar and She-Ra, its got elements and magic stuff, blah blah blah I'll talk about it when I'm more confident about the whole concept.

I did wanna try writing for it though. This is like almost 900 words so it aint too much. Hopefully it's worth your time.

===

From the moment she could properly comprehend anything, Jianne was trained for her future as Queen of Crystallis.

She was taught all the right etiquette. All the right things to say and do, and how exactly to act. How to dress and style herself properly. The right people to make friends with.

There was no time for childish daydreaming or frolicking. She had a duty to prepare for. The King wasn’t going to live forever, and Crystallis needed a monarch and Keeper to keep the magic and citizens in check.

Her future wasn’t her own anymore. Everything she said, did, and thought was for the kingdom.

…Most of the time. Not to say that she didn’t have her moments.

When the day was over and her rigid schedule done with, Jianne would retire to her room for the night, as she does. Most nights, however, she opened up the doors to the balcony, letting the evening breeze in. She’d take a deep breath of it in, and she’d feel herself relax.

Making her way outside, she’d tilt her head up and find the most lovely sight.

Stars.

Millions of pretty little dots all over the sky, twinkling and shining. Just like the shining, Crystal walls of the palace, but far out of her reach. There would always be curiosity about the forbidden or unreachable.

She’s been told stories that say that when someone dies, they become a star in the sky to continue watching over their family.

Sentimental, she figured. But she was mostly out for the stars not only because they were glittery and pretty, but also a nice change of pace compared to her day. She liked taking her time to count them, sometimes staying up all night just to do so.

Sometimes, she’d even end up falling asleep on the balcony for that. Or even sleeping at a far too late of an hour. Or a mix of both. She’d face the reprimands and anger, but she knew she’d keep going there anyway.

Later on, her studies took up more and more of her time. She rarely found time for the star gazing she loved so much. She vowed that she’d still find a way to visit them, though, even if much less than before.

-

Rumors were spreading around about the King and his deteriorating health. Around the palace staff, who’ve overheard the family’s hushed whispers of worry. It spread to the staff. Through their own families. Whoever else heard it. Crystallis found itself in a tight spot, concerned for the King.

But Princess Jianne’s18 th birthday was coming up. Such concerns were momentarily forgotten to give way for the celebration. In case her father was to die, indeed, she would at least be of age to inherit the throne.

And celebrated her birthday they did. No matter how tired or drained he seemed, her father still got up and attended the festivities. Jianne, despite her anxiousness for her dad, tried her best to keep him entertained, at least. They partied on into the night, until the stars made their way into the sky.

He seemed happy and satisfied that evening when she bid him goodnight.

He was found dead the following morning.

Jianne found herself empty. Hollow. Grief-stricken.

In the solitude of her room, Jianne let her tears flow.

She couldn’t dwell on it too long, however.

There’d be so much to attend to. The wake, the funeral…

Her coronation.

-

At some points throughout the party, Jianne found herself struggling to maintain the perfect image. Her dad, and how she felt as if some of it was her fault. Did she exhaust him too much at their dance? Why didn’t she go say hi to him in the middle of the night, or something? She wasn’t there for a proper last goodbye…

She itched to get out of the room and back to her own balcony, where she could watch the stars for as long as she wanted.

Such thoughts only lasted a short while. To her guests, she was as cool, curt, and confident, already fixing herself into her new role. She shook hands with all the right guests. Smiled and laughed at all the right moments. Said all the right things and talked about the right topics.

She had after the party to look forward to. Everyone would be gone. She’d be left to her own devices.

But for now, she was just doing her part. And she was going to do it perfectly.

-

Even after all the guests left, Jianne wasn’t done. She had quite a few things to attend to.

Actually, few was a lie.

Not only were there many incomplete duties left behind by the previous monarch, but she also had new things of her own to work on. Laws and petitions she had to read over, individual concerns, taxes, the other nations, the war…

The stars had to wait.

===

[brainrot-stitch]

Thinking of simpler times.. (rant/vent ig)

It's nice just to like

Be able to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling and hear the crickets outside and no electronic noises. It reminds me of the 2 hurricanes that happened a few yrs back, and like I know it's fucked up to think about because it was horrible, but at the same time it was nice in a way idk how to describe well. It was miserable and hot but I was with family and didn't have to worry or stress about people or grades.. we just kinda existed for a while. I don't want more hurricanes to happen, that would be crazy, but I miss what came after.

Idk I think I've just been getting worked up over a lot of stuff recently and ik other people have it like so so much worse so I don't rlly like to complain abt it, especially in the gc, but nights like these where it's dark and quiet and calm just really get to me I guess. Nights where I can just think about everything and cry before I have to wake up the next day and repeat everything over and over and over. Every day is so bland and numb with sudden spikes of panic mixed in and at the end of the day I barely remember it. I don't remember so so much of my life that I think I should, and I don't know why I just forget. Weather something good or something bad happens I know it will eventually be faded and forgotten just as I will one day.

I'm not really big on being remembered, I've come to accept the fact of mortality and there will be a day where we will each be thought of for the last time and that is when we're truly gone. But for the short amount of time I am remembered, I don't want to be remembered like this. Like who I am and what I do and how I act right now. I don't know what I want to be remembered like, but it's not this.

There's so many issues that seem like the end of the world, that feel inescapable, and I know they're not. I feel like I'm either just being dramatic or gaslighting myself into believing they're bigger issues than they already are. Anything could send me into a spiral that night, from the smallest issue to the biggest one. Even if not, they still have an effect on my day to day life and I don't know how to fix it. And other people are always either confused or upset but they don't understand, and I don't know how to help them understand.

It's hard to care about my grades when there is literally no point and all I do is rot all day. Even if I did care I'm not smart enough to get a college tuition, and we definitely can't pay for it ourselves. They say it's gonna leave a permanent mark that people will see on my resume, but there is a good likelihood I won't make it past adulthood with the way things are going, so why should that matter. Plus it's so so hard to focus. Even if I try I get distracted or start daydreaming or The Thoughts come back. And people will say "oh just pay attention" or "just don't daydream duh" and I cant. Like I physically cannot I am unable to do so. Plus the daydreams happen at random half the time and then I'm not in school anymore I'm in another world and everything's either going really well with things I wish would happen irl or everything is going absolutely horribly and u can't stop it. They're like "just do your work it's not that hard" I hear what you're saying but you're not hearing me bro. I can't 'just do it' and nobody seems to understand that except specific strangers on the internet.

There's other issues too but I am too scared to share them on tumblr rn and I know this may seem kinda dumb but if I live on this will affect me for life but it's so so numb and I'm so SO tired allll the time and sleep never helps at all and I literally just rot all day...

Literally the only reason I take care of myself at this point is so people don't judge me and idk if that's normal or not but I'm assuming it's not.. like if I have to go somewhere ill take a shower and brush my teeth and wash my face and put on perfume n shit but if not I will have a 'self care day' but idk if it's self care if the only thing I do is rot in bed all day and only get up to go to the bathroom or (sometimes) get food/water. I sleep so much and the days all blur together and it's so so so soo bad in summer. I think I have like reverse seasonal depression bc like when it's cold and dark and raining I THRIVE like never before (even if the constant tired doesn't go away, even if everything still sucks and I still hate the people I care about the most) it's just so nice. But in summer when it's hot and miserable and humid and my ac doesn't work and you can feel the mosquitos it is such a fucking low for me idk how to even describe it. When when we get the 2 months off for summer break it's so bad bro I think that's one of my lowest points excluding being in school when it's hot. If I didn't have church I know I would go those 2 months and not take care of myself at all and ik it sounds gross and it is and I hate it but why even try if I just fucking rot on my bed like a useless ass beached whale.

The crickets are gone

I miss them 💔

I don't get why it's so hard to sleep when I'm so so fucking tired or why I rot all day or why I'm so fucking angry and irritable all the time for no reason and it sucks ass tbh. And idk why I can't fucking do things like normal people can or why I think differently or why my thoughts are so fucked up and I disappoint the people I love. I don't really wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be here much longer, but I know I have to because if I do it it'll break them in ways they will never be able to fix, and I don't wanna be that selfish. I want to help people, I want to be confident, and I wanna make people smile. I want to be able to ignore the daydreams, to block out the characters in my head and The Thoughts that I hate so much, and I wanna stop doing shit like this when I don't deserve it.

But sometimes all you can do is find a cold, dark, and quiet place, and think for a while.

Sorry for the long post gang, see yall with a silly goofy post another day <3

[woahjo]

tbh i'm also really curious about what all your answers might be to all those questions in the ask game if that's okay with you 😆 you have a very interesting and nice perspective (as i also see in your writing) that i am curious and want to know about your thoughts through those asks if that's fine :) (you don't have to if you think it's too much!)

this is SO SWEET!! i don't mind answering them at all!!! i'll try and do most of them, but im gonna pick my fav questions from the list <33 and ill put them below the cut. im so flattered actually that u wanna hear my answers to them what if i blushed...

What did you dream about last night?

OH FUCK i forgot i had this dream until i got halfway through the questions but last night i had a dream that i was at work but i was falling asleep during it. like could not keep my eyes open,.. and my manager messaged me on teams and she was like "we can see you doing nothing" but for some reason i just could not wake myself up. and then when i DID wake myself up in the dream i was like "bro something is wrong why does it feel like im still asleep. wake up!" and then i woke up and realized i was just dreaming. it scared me 😭

What is your favorite color?

i like yellow and orange!!!! but lately i have been on a bit of a light blue kick since this summer!!

Do you feel more connected to the moon or the sun?

this one is cute!! i think i feel more connected to the sun. i'm more comfortable during the day and tend to be in a better mood. plus i really like the way it feels on my skin <3

Have you ever wished on a shooting star?

a few times!!! i've seen some on the rare occasion i went camping, but i never really remember my wish long enough to know if it came true or not lol

What do you enjoy daydreaming about most?

god this is going to sound so corny but lately my fav daydream has been imagining that im winning my first emmy for an animated tv show. idk i just imagine the way it would feel to have my work and dreams recognized, getting to thank my parents and team and shit. corny corny i know but i love imagining it.

Do you believe in guardian angels?

i do, but in a nonreligious way! i won't go too deep into it, but i've had many dreams / experiences that preceded major life events that i can't explain otherwise. even without it, it's nice to think that there is something out there looking out for us. kinda like the universe has us in mind.

What is something (or someone) you’re in love with?

this one is hard!! i haven't been in romantic love with a person ever i don't think (mutually at least), but i am in love with my friends. i really truly believe i met them for a reason and i think i'm the luckiest person because they're in my life. i have so much love for them that i genuinely don't know what to do with it. my other love... and i say it so frequently... is writing and storytelling. it's the greatest love of my life, i know it.

What’s your ideal summer aesthetic?

linen clothes and dresses and flowy shorts and humidity and laying on the floor outside. unheated swimming pools, music from a speaker or the tv, friends laying out on towels. exploring cities and sweating and driving to the beach on a whim and sitting on the porch eating lunch. roadtrips along the coast with the windows down. yeah <3

Talk about something exciting or good that happened to you this year.

maybe not this year, but this summer, i spent a month traveling japan with one of my best friends.

Where do you feel most at home?

with my friends!!! always always always with my friends

What is something you own that is important to you? What makes it so important?

writing and creating things and making art!! i genuinely can't stop myself from doing it. i write and make things with the same urgency and feeling as eating or drinking water. i do it before i sleep and when i wake up and even just in my head constantly. it's corny, but it's a part of me and i genuinely can't live without it.

Do you believe dreams have meanings or are they completely random?

i've had some WILD dreams that absolutely have meaning. some of my dreams are totally random, but i think a lot of them are symbolic of things or feelings i'm experiencing. i had one that was so long and frightening and weirdly poetic that there's no way it couldn't have meant something. haven't quite figured it out yet tho LOL

Do you believe in love at first sight?

nope! i've definitely written about love at first sight, but i think that to really LOVE someone, you have to know them. that's one of the best parts about love.

What’s the sweetest thing someone has done for you?

i've spoken about it before but when my dad had a brain bleed in may and was rushed for emergency surgery, my friends (and housemates at the time) emailed all of my professors for me, packed a lunch, packed my car with blankets and tissues, sat with me while i packed a bag with clothes, and drove me six hours one way so that i could be at home with my family. he ended up going into surgery while i was on the drive back home and the housemate driving me held my hand for hours while i waited for news that he was out. i'd never felt more held and loved than i did then and they are some of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me to this day.

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you think you fit the general characteristics of that sign?

i'm a taurus (with a leo moon and leo rising)!! and i absolutely think i fit the characteristics LOL

Are you more of a hopeless romantic or realist?

mmmm i'm not sure! i'd say hopeless romantic if i had to pick one, but not to the point that i don't know how the real world works. i don't like big gestures though, so im not sure if maybe that disqualifies me LOL. i just like the idea of eventually being known and loved for it.

What’s a song that gives off good vibes anytime you listen to it?

hold in, hold on by kid bloom!!!

Have you ever written a love letter?

nope!!!

Name a book you don’t mind reading over and over.

heaven by mieko kawakami. i could read it 800 times and never be sick of it. the lilith's brood trilogy is a close second, though i've only read it once so we'll have to test it. but i LOVE that series.

What do you do to feel at peace?

i write or draw!!! that's typically my first instinct when i need some quiet or some callie time. i feel very calm when i create.

[simplysimpingsimp]

Hihi! This is my first time doing an ask on here, but I absolutely ADORE your writing and was hoping that it'd be okay to request something cute that I've been brainrotting over for awhile now.

How do you think the kamaboko squad + Sanemi would react to fem or gn reader accidentally/indirectly confessing that the like them? Like maybe they were gossiping with a friend of theirs and they happened to overhear the conversation? It can either be canonverse or modern au too! It sounds kinda silly now that I'm actually typing it out but whatever.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! If it's not something you're up to then please just ignore this. <3 Take care!

— 🐇

Omg hi hi 🐇 anon <3 I’m so sorry for taking a bit to get to your request and to everyone else as well TT but ahhh this is such a sweet scenario for the boys haha ! Thank you so much for submitting a request (: especially your first one! Sorry if it’s not up to par, I’ll gladly go back and edit it if you’d like :D enjoy (:!

🌼—————————————————————— 🌼

🌼 𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝙷𝙲𝚜

🌼 𝚏𝚝: 𝚃𝚊𝚗𝚓𝚒𝚛𝚘, 𝚉𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚜𝚞, 𝙸𝚗𝚘𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚎, 𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚢𝚊, 𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚖𝚒

🌼 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍: 𝚜𝚑𝚎/𝚑𝚎𝚛

🌼 𝚝𝚠/𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜

🌼—————————————————————— 🌼

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🌿———————————————————————🌿

𝑻𝒂𝒏𝒋𝒊𝒓𝒐

code name: sun

Definitely wasn’t oblivious to the soft whispers he’d hear whenever Y/n would talk with Nezuko as she resided in her box or when she would be in the room with them

he probably would be like “👀 who’s this sun individual” like the mom friend he is

homie would probably not suspect it’s him because he would definitely feel that perhaps she was into someone else or not interested in a relationship

“Nezuko, how can I tell sun how I feel?” She would mutter a little embarrassed Nezuko’s hums and gentle pats of encouragement definitely helped in calming her down…“He’s just so precious, like the morning sun,” she’d laugh, “Sun is just so wonderful, I think I love him…”

Tanjiro would definitely think it’s sweet how she talks to Nezuko about her feelings and hearing Nezuko respond back to the best of her abilities made him smile though he did feel a little sad as he didn’t think it was him

He probably realized it was him when he would hear other descriptions about “sun” like the mention of gentle crimson eyes and burgundy toned hair — man’s would get all blushy blush

Would definitely internally cheer with a sigh of relief and a heart over his hand — that adorable smile on his face

He’d have a cute daydreams about a peaceful life with her and how she’d laugh with Nezuko all those family gathering type things

Would take all his effort to not confess his own eavesdropping — poor boy felt so bad listening in because it’s something private that clearly she didn’t want him to know just yet (,:

But he was pretty much left feeling happy all day and night hearing his love for her be returned

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𝒁𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒔𝒖

code name: sleepy

Mans was a little oblivious to the fact that his code name was ‘sleepy’ (despite being the one who sleeps the most)

“What should I do Tanjiro,” she would say a little shyly, “Sleepy’s always talking to me about anything and giving me flowers…and he encourages me...I love him.”

Before he realized it was him he would probably be a little jealous like HEJABFJSJDJDDJ WHO ELSE IS GIVING HER FLOWERS?!

Then he realized…”oh wait I’m the only one who gives her flowers”

It would take his whole effort to not jump her and confess his undying love for her at that very moment

Zenitsu would definitely feel like he’s on cloud nine hearing that she returned his love, the whole floral aura around him and everything

Nothing could dampen his day after hearing that she loves him and only him

He would definitely stay closer to her and probably try to keep her attention on him more often

Zenitsu would feel more courage in his effort of confessing…eventually

🌻———————————————————————🌻

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𝑰𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒖𝒌𝒆

code name: beautiful

Mans definitely didn’t even think that he was the so called beautiful — but was definitely threatened by the notion of another taking Y/n’s heart

Whenever he’d hear Y/n have a “council” meeting with Tanjiro and he’d overhear the mention of ‘beautiful’ he’d demand to fight them when he was being obvious about listening in

Overhearing the conversation between her and Tanjiro he’d probably be like (homie would blow his cover because he was spying) “WHOS THIS BEAUTIFUL INDIVIDUAL TRYING TO TAKE MY WOMAN”

Wait, did he just say that?

A facepalm from both of them as it’s pretty obvious with how they describe him that it’s Inosuke

Suddenly a light bulb goes off in his head.. OH

Mans would do his gremlin laugh and be like “I knew it was me I was just testing you both!”

Though he would probably be incredibly giddy and have a shy smile under his mask, realizing how much she would gush about him to Tanjiro

Y’all know those praises would definitely inflate the man’s ego but he would become protective of her and offer her small things like dandelions and whatever he thought was pretty

🌲———————————————————————🌲

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𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒚𝒂

code name: sweetie

Gyomei was her go to in talking to about him mostly because he knew him quite well — so frequenting him for advice on how to approach Genya was the key

Genya would overhear occasionally the talk of a ‘sweetie’ individual and he’d be a little saddened since he grew feelings for Y/n over time but what could he do?

He would frequently hear of ‘sweetie’ when she would come over for extra training with Gyomei or simply just dropping by for a visit

Until suddenly! He listened closely to the things she would say in describing the so called ‘sweetie’

“Oh shit that sounds like me…wait that is me”

The way his face would get all red from embarrassment for eavesdropping but also from overwhelming happiness at realizing that she returned his feelings

He’d definitely open up more to her and despite being a little shy and flustered

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𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒊

code name: grumpy pants

Sanemi would probably be like “�� who the fuck is after my Y/n”

He would overhear Y/n talking to Kyojuro about a person nicknamed ‘grumpy pants’

Definitely would feel a little jealous seeing the way she would swoon when talking about ‘grumpy pants’

Would also be jealous at the sight of her telling someone else personal things, especially since she would go to him usually to talk about anything

Sanemi would overhear the advice being offered on behalf of Kyojuro (y’all know he’s loud 😭)

He’d think about how cliche it all sounds yet it’s quite difficult to not feel inspired to take that advice for himself

Mans would do a whole mental checklist on thinking about who the possible contenders for who grumpy pants is

Until suddenly! He heard small details about his appearance and personality so he would realize

“Oh shit that’s me…wait that’s me”

No hesitation, would take her from her conversation with Kyojuro so that he could tell her about his feelings

💨———————————————————————💨

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ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴏʀ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ! ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ғᴇᴇʟ ғʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴇɴᴅ ɪɴ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛs/ᴀsᴋs/ɪᴅᴇᴀs/ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs/ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛs/ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ !! sᴇᴇ ʏᴀʟʟ sᴏᴏɴ <3

[fangirlandtheories]

some Steve related questions in case you wanted something in your ask box: what is an underrated Steve moment in the show, in your opinion? what is a scene,one from all four seasons, that you wish would have been extended? is there a major wish you have for s5 Steve that you have, if so what? and does it need to be followed to a T or would you be happy at it being hinted at, but not expanded upon? a common fandom headcanon about Steve that you can't stand? one you love? favorite fic trope to read? favorite to write? your dream Steve scenario you think about when daydreaming or just trying to sleep at night? if Steve wore an item of jewelry, besides a wedding ring, what would it be and who gave it to him?

I love this!!! Thank you so much, these are so cute!!!

I would say that there's not many moments of the show where Steve is underrated, I think the fans as a whole have really appreciated and analyzed every moment of screen time that we've been give, understandably so, but my all time favorite moments are during the interrogation, SPECIFICALLY "He's long gone you big asshole" because it really just feels like Joe and Maya were cracking up and having fun during filming, despite the awful context of the scene. The other scene I enjoy is during S4 during Dear Billy when he's so genuinely concerned about Max and so touched to receive a letter. Everyone calls him Mom but he really has this Big Brother Energy like no other.

I wish so much that his chat with Robin while making Molotov cocktails was extended this season. I also don't wish it was. Kinda odd, I know. It was succinct in the way it needed to be, but I also feel like their relationship is so unique, especially in the sense that it's a strictly platonic male x female friendship, that I wish I could see more of their relationship beyond the banter.

I would LOVE to see some Steve backstory. Anything, any little crumbs of his life that they've hinted at and I would be thrilled. I also think that Steve should be single. I'm not going to fool myself into believing that Steddie would ever become canon, I'm not sure I'd want it to because I feel like it would kind of ruin the dynamic that the fans of the ship have created, but I want Steve to be a character that doesn't define self worth by relationship status. I feel like so much of his character growth has been rooted in who he has had a crush on and not how he as a person has grown, so I'd love that especially.

I won't say I can't stand it, but I've grown tired of the 'Steve has the groundbreaking discovery that he's bisexual' trope. It's not a bad one, hell I've used it, I just feel as though it's been done to the extent that it can be. I also don't love how he's written as stupid sometimes. He's a himbo 50000% but he's still a smart character. One that I love is that he's very emotionally intelligent. I love every time I read something and see that Steve is picking up on the emotions before anyone else does. It's uncommon to see a male character perceived that way, especially not one that is viewed as the group fighter.

This is so funny because the answer to both questions is the same: Hurt/Comfort and Sickfics. Anytime where Steve is trying to hide that he's hurt or generally having a hard time in order to avoid being a burden, only to have it all come crashing down on him as he is forced to rely on his friends and discover that he's loved *dreamy sigh*

This one is very tricky and I'm trying to find a way to answer without answering too much. As someone who writes fics, most of my scenarios are my plans for my fics. I am laying them out in my head thinking about dialogues and the movements of the characters. Right now I've been doing a lot of thinking about bits of Steve's backstory, especially how it would be affected by having a psychiatrist for a mother because that's the main plot of the fic I'm currently working on.

I like this one because it kinda came out of left field but bear with me here. Steve would 100000% wear friendship bracelets. Lots of them. All different colors and all from the kids. They'd teach him how to make them, El would string the beads with her mind, Max would show everyone how to braid, it would be a bonding experience like no other. I also think that Eddie would give him his class ring because that was a way of saying that you're dating in the 80s.

Thank you so much for these! I had so much fun answering! If anyone ever has questions like this, feel free to pop them in either my inbox or my messenger if you would prefer! Thanks my loves!!!

[thechangeling]

What's in your head?

5 times Kit didn't realize he had ADHD and one time they did. Also he/they Kit in this one because I said so. Also I just realized that I've never done one of these before!

Cw: Internalized ableism and accidental food deprivation.

Full disclosure this is based on how I experience my ADHD. This may not necessarily line up 100% with your experiences.

Title is from the song Zombie by The Cranberries.

1.) "Kit are you even listening?" Dru snapped. Kit was pulled out of his previous thoughts as Dru's annoyed face came back into focus.

They cleared their throat. "Yeah totally," Kit lied. In their defense they had fully intended to stay focused on whatever Dru was saying.

However the clock in the living room was especially loud and distracting. Everytime he tried to pay attention to what Dru was saying, she would be drowned out by the ticking of the clock and his focus would just latch onto that.

And then came the daydreaming. Or the "zoning out" as Tessa called it. Without even meaning to, Kit would just drift off to somewhere else in his head, like a fictional reality he was currently obsessed with, or a memory.

In a blink of an eye they would just be gone and then Kit would come back to annoyed or downright angry people.

Speaking of which...

"So what do you think?" They heard Dru ask. Kit cursed internally. They shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

"I don't know Dru. I'm kinda too tired for this ok?" They made sure to add a certain amount of laziness to the way they pronounced those words, trying to sound sloppy. "I didn't get any sleep past night."

Dru gave Kit a "I don't believe your bullshit for one second look"  and raised her eyebrow. "Look I just wanna make sure that we don't accidently end up getting Ty the same thing! But if you don't care then fine," she muttered passive aggressively.

Kit felt like he had been punched in the chest. He had the inexplicable urge to curl up into a little ball and hide. Guilt pierced through his body.

They tried to compose themself and shook it off. "Hey I'm sorry Dru," Kit pleaded. "I do care. You know that." They pulled themself up onto the living room table so they were facing away from the clock. If she thought this was weird, she didn't comment on it.

"Alright fine," she declared. "Let's try this again. Once more with feeling!"

2.) Kit was bored out of his mind. They had been in heavy research mode for hours now and... yeah well for starters, he couldn't stop fidgeting in his seat. This was nothing new really but he was usually able to try and quash in down in front of other people. Apparently trying to focus on something super boring for the past forever was not helping.

Everytime they tried to read from the giant text in front of them, they just couldn't. It wasn't like Kit wasn't trying, that was the problem. They were really trying but everytime Kit attempted to read the single spaced, small font, it was like all the words just mashed together. It was impossible to focus on any one particular word.

He was sitting with his feet against the end of the table in the library and his chair balancing on the back legs, wobbling back and forth to amuse himself. Julian was glaring at him from across the table and Ty was smiling fondly, his own book forgotten.

Kit smiled at him, making partial eye contact (seeing as Ty was probably staring at their eyebrows.) The funny thing about Kit and Ty was that they didn't need to talk to connect or to spend time together. They could often just sit in silence next to one another and just...be.

Kit could still feel Ty even when he wasn't touching them. They could feel him on the inside, like a bright swirling essence wrapping it's way around Kit's heart and moving across, leaving warm spots in it's wake.

To Kit that was love. That was what it felt like to love Ty. Occassionally that warmth burned and seared his chest painfully. But it was worth it. It would always be worth it. Just to feel Ty.

They could sit on opposite corners of the room and be doing completely different things and Kit would feel closer to Ty then he had ever felt with anyone else. The internet had informed him that this was called parallel play. It was an autistic love language.

Kit contined to rock a little and Ty looked like he was suppressing a laugh. Julian then chose this exact moment to slam a textbook down on the table, startling Kit which caused them to slip.

The chair fell backwards for one terrifying millisecond before it stopped in mid air. Suddenly Ty's face was peering down over Kit, looking annoyed. Ty had caught his chair.

Kit let out a breathless chuckle as the panic faded from their body.

"Hey there beautiful," Kit murmered gazing up at Ty's adorably scrunched up face. All the tension seemed to leave him for a moment as Ty blushed and smiled slightly at his words.

Julian began to yell at Kit for being so careless, but they chose to tune it out and stare at Ty's perfect lips instead.

Later that evening, Kit and Ty were watching Netflix together on Kit's laptop when he noticed Ty looking at him. He had a sort of curious expression, like Kit was a puzzle he wanted to solve.

Kit loved that look.

Kit paused the show they were watching and smirked at Ty.

"What gives Sherlock?"

Ty looked a little guilty. "Oh sorry! I just-" He bit his lip. "I just noticed that you're tapping." He pointed to Kit's hand where Kit was actually shocked to realize that they had been tapping their fingers frantically against their thigh.

Oh.

"It looks like stimming a bit," Ty mentioned. "Does it help?"

"With what?" Kit asked.

Ty shrugged. "With whatever stress you're trying to elevate I suppose."

"I-," Kit froze.

Did it help?

Honestly Kit wasn't really sure. He had been doing things like tapping and flicking his fingers and running his fingers through his hair for as long as he could remember. It was as natural as breathing.

"Yeah," they finally admitted with a soft smile.

"I think it does help."

3.) Kit was completely obsessed. There was literally no other way to describe it. For the past approximately two days or so they had been spending every waking moment either playing the new video game they were obsessing over, talking about it, or daydreaming about it.

They were beginning to loose sleep from how often Kit would push the boundaries of their body and force themself to stay up way later then they should just so they could play a little longer. Kit found they could easily ignore hunger, ignore tiredness, ignore the need to go to the bathroom easily.

It was like the word fell away when he was playing and nothing else mattered.

Kit knew that logically he probably should have been kinda concerned but he just couldn't find it in himself to really care. Not when he was so happy being so absorbed in it. He couldn't stop talking about it either, to anyone who would listen. Kit knew he was starting to piss people off but it was like there was this bubbling tension inside of him that needed to burst out.

Kit was currently in the training room with Ty, Dru, Emma, and Julian. They were desperately trying to focus on sparring instead of daydreaming about Life is strange, the video game they were currently obsessed with.

It wasn't going very well.

Kit let out a surprised yell as they were once again swept off of their feet by a swift kick from Emma, landing on their back with a painful thump. Kit groaned as Emma cheered in victory again, doing a little dance and going to high five Julian who was beaming at her lovingly.

"Ow!" Kit whined, giving himself a moment to lie on the floor soaking in his defeat. His right ribs felt like they had a hammer taken to them.

A moment later, Ty appeared hovering above him just like the situation with the chair. His smirk wasn't mocking or judgmental in any way, but playful and loving. Although he did look a little concerned.

"You've been quite terrible at this lately," Ty said in a breezy conversational tone as if he were talking about the weather.

Kit rolled his eyes fondly. "Gee thanks Ty, I love you too," he drawled, trying not to sound too angry. Ty extended his hand to Kit and Kit grabbed onto it, allowing Ty to pull him to his feet.

When Kit was up they instantly clutched at their side and winced from the pressure. There was probably a giant bruise forming. They needed an iratze. Almost as if Ty had read Kit's mind, he produced his stelle and pulled up Kit's shirt to reveal the bruise.

They had been dating for two years now but Kit still shivered when Ty's fingertips met their skin. Julian gave Ty an annoyed look from across the room.

"Ty come on you can't just grab at people like that! You need to ask first," Julian scolded. Kit couldn't help but laugh a little. He and Ty didn't really have any reservations about being all over each other anymore. Ty was totally fine with Kit touching him and even seemed to really enjoy it.

And as for Kit. Well...he definitely didn't mind.

Ty rolled his eyes fondly at Julian and chose not to respond, drawing the iratze with careful motions. Emma and Julian packed up their stuff and left the training room, muttering to each other in low voices.

"What is going on with you though?" Ty asked. "You seem distracted." His hand was still resting in Kit's side.

Kit bit his lip. He was afraid to mention the game to Ty seeing as he had been shut down so often already. Logically Kit knew that Ty of all people probably wouldn't judge him or be annoyed, but he couldn't shake that feeling.

That inward cringe Kit felt everytime they were passionately raving about something and Tessa or Jem or someone else would immediately show signs of boredom or disinterest. Or worse, they would give each other a certain look that Kit had to assume they thought was subtle.

It wasn't.

And then Kit would just feel guilty and embarrassed for waiting peoples time.

They wanted to say it was nothing but Kit knew they could never lie to Ty.

They sighed and absentmindedly ran a hand through their curls. Ty dropped his hand and let Kit's shirt fall back down. He was staring at them with his head tilted slightly, wearing a mix of curiosity and concern.

Kit called it Ty's "Data head tilt" because it basically was. 

God he was so fucking beautiful sometimes Kit just wanted to scream.

"I've just been really invested in this video game recently and I can't stop thinking about it," he admitted. Now that Kit was saying it out loud it sounded pretty stupid. Ty just stared back at him for a moment before smiling one of his soft inviting smiles. It was like being engulfed in a warm fluffy blanket.

"Tell me about it," he murmered. And Kit couldn't help but grin.

He understands. He always understands.

4.) Kit was late, again. He was supposed to be starting his morning training but instead his "five minutes checking social media" turned into half an hour and now he was watching a cockatoo dance to Another One Bites The Dust instead of actually doing the thing he was supposed to be doing.

But he just couldn't move. Everytime he tried.... Kit just couldn't. He hadn't even eaten breakfast yet or gotten dressed. It was like there was this immovable force keeping him in place, in his bed.

Suddenly there was a banging on his door. "Kit get up you're late!" Dru shouted from the other side. "By the angel! Are you still asleep? Didn't you set your alarm?"

The thing is, Kit did set their alarm. They set multiple alarms. Ones on their phone, a digital one half way across the room, it didn't matter. It didn't work. Kit would snooze the first one and tell themself, "just five more minutes."

It'll be ok. You still have time. Just a few more minutes. You have time.

Until they didn't. It was like twenty minutes went by in a blink of an eye and Kit didn't understand why.

"I'm coming!" He yelled, and pulled himself out of bed, forcing himself to start the day.

Arriving late to training earned him a scolding from Julian, especially when he reminded him that there was reading he was supposed to do in order to study a new kind of weapon Kit was meant to be trained in using. The Flail.

Kit thought it was kinda fitting, seeing as how he was currently flailing pathetically through life with nothing to grab onto.

"Why didn't you just do it as soon as I asked you?" Julian reprimanded him.

I tried, Kit wanted to say. I just couldn't.

They had been intending to read the material, they just....forgot? Kit knew it sounded pathetic but they just didn't know what other explanation there was. It was in Kit's brain as a thing they were supposed to do and then they got distracted by a phone call from Tessa and then.... and then it was just gone.

"Just write it down next time," was Julian's response after Kit explained.

Kit was always getting advice like that.

Just write it down. Keep a planner. Set your alarm. Leave sticky notes on the fridge. Set reminders on your phone.

None of it actually worked.

Kit distractedly fumbled his way through training, having to spend extra time learning the things that he didn't read. Next came the Clave meeting that he was intending to take notes during, but Kit forgot pen and paper and had to borrow some from Ty. But he found himself strangely lightheaded and dizzy.

It made it hard to focus.

Afterwords they were supposed to write Ty's birthday card but Kit found themself unable to start. I mean what did you say to your boyfriend on his birthday that he shared with his dead twin sister whose ghost you were contemplating sending back to the afterlife or wherever the hell.

That worry was paralyzing and the fear of screwing it up just lead Kit to procrastinating and the longer they waited the worse it got.

Kit whipped out their phone to listen to some music while they worked and got distracted by scrolling through tik tok.

That was three hours ago.

"Kit?" He heard a voice call from the other room. It was Ty. He frantically put away all of his card making supplies and tried to look inconspicuous as Ty entered the living room.

Kit smiled as soon as he caught sight of Ty, his worries and stresses momentarily put to rest at the sight of that face. Ty didn't smile back, but he made a beeline straight for Kit and climbed onto his lap, wrapping his arms around Kit's torso and burying his face in the nape of his neck.

Kit hugged Ty closer to their body. "Hey sweetheart," they cooed, carefully to keep any concern out of their voice. Ty usually sought Kit out when he was feeling crappy. He had a tendency to need physical comfort and intimacy when he was low, unless he was experiencing overload. Kit was a little proud of themself for being the one Ty trusted the most when he was vulnerable.

Kit ran his hands across Ty's back tentatively, waiting for Ty to speak.

"The others are going out for dinner and I don't want to," he finally explained. "I've been forced to interact with people all day, I can't-." Ty cut himself off with an exhausted sigh. "I just can't."

Kit could tell by the way Ty was slurring his words slightly and speaking slower then usual that he was pretty burnt out. Ty sighed again.

"I'm supposed to ask you if you're staying or not," Ty mumbled heavily. "Do you wanna go with them?" Kit shook their head and then remembered that Ty couldn't see see them.

"No I'm staying right here," Kit said confidently. They felt Ty smile against their neck. Ty didn't respond verbally, but instead he traced a heart against Kit's back with his finger.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to eat now?" Ty asked with slightly more energy and composure. Kit then suddenly became aware of how hungry he really was. He was starving.

When was the last time he had eaten? Did he eat this morning? Kit mentally retraced his steps back through the last few hours. Then the realization finally hit him.

"Ty I haven't eaten anything since last night," Kit said in a panicked whisper.

By the angel, how could they have been so stupid?

Kit willed themself not to cry as they continued with the mental berating. The worst part was it wasn't like this was the first time this has happened.

He waited for Ty to scoff at him or to tell him how childish and irresponsible he had been. But he just stared at Kit for a moment and then stood up.

"Ok then, I'll feed you!" What do you want?" Ty asked.

Kit felt their eyes well up with tears at his boyfriend's causal display of pure kindness. Of course they should have known better. Ty was as always, Ty. Kit cleared their throat.

"So you're not mad then?"

Ty furrowed his brow in confusion. "Why would I be mad?"

Kit sighed, looking down sheepishly. "For being an irresponsible child who can't take care of themself?"

Ty instantly bristled and for a moment he seemed angry. Then his gaze softened.

"If there are things that you struggle with, then I am more then willing to help you," Ty stated matter-of-factly. "Just like you do for me."

And despite the gnawing hunger. Despite the fact that Kit was mentally and emotionally wiped. Kit couldn't help but smile.

5.) It was supposed to be an easy routine mission. No fuss. The local werewolf pack reported that a few of their kids had gone missing in the past two weeks. Helen and Aline had put Kit, Ty and Dru onto it since everyone else was out of town and Ty's Centurion expertise were crucial in situations like these.

Ty had figured out that a group of mundanes with the sight were planning on making a ritual sacrifice to a particular greater demon using werewolf blood, and kids were easier to grab. Kit knew the whole thing was making Dru and Ty pretty uncomfortable since it brought up painful memories of Malcom Fade.

It was supposed to be simple. Go in, get the kids, subdue the mundanes them get out. No problem.

But of course now there was a problem. Because nothing could ever just go according to plan where they were concerned. A group of Shax demons decided to attack that particular spot right as they were entering the abandoned building. There were about ten of them. Not undoable for three shadowhunters, but now they had to kill the demons and protect the kids and the mundanes, while preventing said mundanes from killing the children or running away to avoid punishment.

Wonderful.

Kit could tell that Ty was starting to freak out a little. He hated being unprepared for things and disliked surprises. But that was the nature of battle. They could never fully predict the circumstances.

Ty's brain didn't do so well with a mental list with more then two items on it. Kit on the other hand, was great at multitasking. He took Ty's hand in his and squeezed.

"You get the kids out, ok?" They told Ty. "Dru and I can take care of everything else." Ty instantly bristled at this, as Kit suspected he would.

He glared at Kit. "Screw you," he muttered, grasping his quarter staff tighter and pulling out of Kit's grip.

Kit laughed. Ty hated being told what do to. The fastest way to get him to do anything was to suggest the opposite. Which Kit could totally relate to.

Kit winked at him. "Wish me luck Sherlock," he said, raising his left hand that wasn't carrying his sword and conjured a burst of light that he shot directly towards a shax demon, disintegrating it completely.

The two of them leap into the fight, dispatching demons left and right. Dru was already ahead of them using the Blackthorn sword. She spun around, moving swiftly as she swung her sword across, slicing the demon clean in half with one broad stroke. It exploded, spraying ichor everywhere, but thankfully Dru managed to avoid it.

Ty made his way over to the mundanes. One of them was moving rapidly towards the children with a knife. Ty twirled his staff around and wacked it into the mundane's stomach, spinning around to face the second mundane and knocking them of them off their feet with a giant sweeping motion with the quarter staff.

Kit shook off the urge to keep watching Ty fight and leapt into the fray, kicking a nearby shax demon in it's screwed up face and plunging their sword into it's side. They jumped back swiftly to avoid the explosion of ichor.

Kit was using the ancient Unseelie sword he had been gifted by Kieran. It was about medium size, with an intricate silver hilt covered in engravings and a oval shaped blue gem stone. The blade itself was a blueish silver with swirling patterns engraved at the top of the blade.

It had been love at first sight when Kit saw her. They hoped Ty wasn't too jealous. Kit decided to call her Gertrude because they thought it was funny.

Kit continued hacking, stabbing and slashing with Gertrude as he moved through the hoard of shax demons that were dropping like flies. He looked to his left to see that Ty was subduing the mundanes by essentially knocking them all unconcious which may not have been entirely legal but hey.

Ty roundhouse kicked the last one on the face, and Kit was distracted by staring at his legs for just long enough to almost get clawed in the chest before they quickly rolled out of the way.

"Kit focus!" Dru shouted at him as she stabbed another shax demon. He was about to yell back at her when he saw Ty getting cornered by the final two demons.

Kit panicked, something you were never supposed to do as a shadowhunter. But in that moment their overwhelming fear and love for Ty consumed them.

Kit quickly summoned another blast of burning light and shot it across the room at the demons without stopping to think.

Instantly he realized his mistake when the demons, which had been right next to Ty exploded in giant bursts of ichor, completely spraying him. The sizzling sound of demonic black goo burning angelic flesh instantly echoed through the room.

Kit expected Ty to cry out, but he just winced slightly and wiped a giant glob of it off his face.

"Ty!" Dru shouted, rushing towards him frantically. Kit ran after her.

"Are you ok?" She asked, clearly panicked.

"Shit Ty I'm so sorry," Kit cut in. They surveyed the damage. There were red patches starting to appear on his skin. Ty needed to wash it off.

"God sweetheart I'm sorry I wasn't thinking!" Kit lamented.

Before Ty could answer him, Dru whipped around to face Kit. "Yeah no shit you weren't thinking!" She yelled. "Because you never think Kit!"

"Dru stop it!" Ty snapped. Kit was shocked. He never yelled at Dru. She at least at the decency to look a little guilty.

Ty wiped his hand off on his jacket and stroked Kit's cheek. "It was an accident," Ty assured them. "You shouldn't feel badly."

Kit managed a small smile for Ty and kissed his hand. "Ok."

"We need to get back to the institute as soon as possible," Dru piped up. "And someone needs to get the kids home."

Oh shit right! The kids. Kit had completely forgotten. Said children were currently huddled in a clump over in a corner looking terrified.

"I'll do it," said Kit. "You just get him home." Dru nodded, looking significantly less pissed.

Kit made his way over to the frightened werewolf children, shaking off his previous worries and switching into his non threatening kid mode that he used with Mina.

But still, Dru's earlier words rung in their head.

You never think Kit.

Maybe she had a point.

Ok so funny story I actually exceeded the word limit for a tumblr post with this fic. So I will be posting the +1 part on a seperate post. Sorry for the inconvenience.

@lavender-scented-rat @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @queenlilith43 @arangiajoan @thomas-thedavid-lightwood @tired-vin @phoenix-and-dragon @the-wckd-powers @sandersgrey @amchara @talia-lightwood @wagnerthedragon

[inglourious-imagines]

You And Only You (George Weasley x Fem!Reader)

Summary: George's asleep after he lost his ear and reader runs her fingers through his hair, not aware of the fact that George isn't sleeping anymore.

Author's Note: I've been going through some writers block recently so that's why this kinda sucks but this idea's been circling in my head and i simply had to write it down. Requests are open ♡

HP Taglist: @alienoresimagines @95swifi

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.

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"Any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Homer, The Iliad

Y/N's trembling fingers ran through his dirty hair softly as if she was afraid she might break him. George's eyelashes fluttered every time he breathed out. He seemed as if he unconsciously relaxed with her tender touch as she was brushing all the pain and suffering out of his red locks. 

"Y/N..." George mumbled out of his sleep. Her lips curled into a soft smile and a single tear rolled down her cheek. 

"How are you feeling, dear?" she whispered as she sat down on the ground right next to George's head. He was still asleep and Y/N didn't have the heart to wake him up just to make sure he's doing fine when he obviously was - his cheeks were finally gaining some colour again, the bleeding already stopped and his breathing was steady as well. It was like a thousands of heavy stones fell off of her heart leaving her not so stressed as before. George was here with her and he was going to be fine again.

"You scared me so much today, Weasley," Y/N tried to alleviate the situation but she knew she's at the verge of tears, "I thought I lost you." The young witch had to stop for a moment to take a few deep breaths to calm herself down a bit.

"I know we've been together only for two months now," Y/N proceeded, "but you became such an important part of my life. I've never felt happier in my life than when I'm with you, Georgie."

Y/N silenced herself for a brief moment. She admire the man in front of her, enjoying his calming presence as she kept on running her fingers through his red hair.

•••

"Y/N, wake up." Fred's soft voice disturbed her sleep, his hand slightly touching her shoulder. "Go to bed, I'll take it from here."

She sleepily looked around trying to orientate herself - she must have fallen asleep on the ground with her head resting on George's chest and her one hand still tangled in his hair.

Y/N hesitated for a moment but gave in eventually, she knew she needed a proper sleep. "Thanks, Fred. Wake me up if anything, even the most irrelevant thing, happens." she sent him a tired smile, kissed George's forehead gently and stumbled out of the room. 

•••

Y/N had never felt so scared in her entire life like she did that night when Harry brought her bleeding boyfriend in the Burrow. But the fear made her realise so many things, it gave her probably too much to think about. Y/N always knew she liked George very much, they were two young people freshly in love still discovering the emotion, but what she did not know was that she felt so strongly about the red-head. Maybe it was too early to state something like this but-

"Thinkin' about me, huh?" his familiar voice brought her back from her daydreaming as she was met with his typical grin. 

"Always the charmer, right?" Y/N laughed but her pounding heart told her that this man knew her probably better than she even knew herself. 

"Only for you, Y/N," George's eyes suddenly softened, "did you really mean it?"

"Meant what? What's going on, Georgie?"

"What you said last night."

Now she was definitely certain he can hear her fast heartbeat. 

"Every single word." Y/N whispered, her eyes focused only on his approaching figure. 

"That's good to know, baby, 'cause I've never wanted anything more than to be with you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

[make-me-imagine]

congrats on 5.5k!! you're insanely talented and I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve 🥺🥺 could i join in the ship requests too?

I'm a rather small sized (like, 154cm & ~40kg kind of small) Asian female from a South East Asia country and i prefer men, especially men who are taller and Age Gaps™ 🥴 I'm not sure how much you know about/believe in astrology but I'm a Libra sun, Taurus rising and Capricorn moon so you can do what you want with that 😂

I'm an INTP/INFP (I've gotten both an equal number of times from sites OTHER than 16 personality, tho I personally vibe with INTP just a teeny smidge more) if you do MBTI ✌🏼 I LOVE to read, especially fanfiction lmao, and i also write! I really love listening to music + watching shows/movies too! My favourite shows are all mystery/crime based LOL and I am working towards becoming a criminal psychologist/forensic pathologist/forensic scientist in future! (heavily inspired by Criminal Minds, Sherlock, Detective Conan and the like so 😂) I have a really vivid and good imagination please i can spend DAYS just daydreaming and imagining scenarios that I never finish writing about & generally this is how all my work is never finished loll

I'm the eldest sibling at home, and my parents haven't always been around so I've been rather used to stepping up and taking care of myself (+ my sibling, like helping them with homework and all). Some people say I'm a natural born leader? idk bc I often step up to be the leader in group work & I'll often be the one to initiate things & all. I'm a rather big procrastinator though LOLL so you'll often catch me rushing my assignments & final projects & rushing my revision for exams + finals like, 2 days before the actual exam 💀 which often leads to me becoming more stressed out & breaking down more often than i actually should so 🥲 I'm trying to quit this bad habit though

I love cuddles and hugs please I will KILL for cuddles and hugs from my back by a tall character pls it just feels so safe and comforting to be spooned too 🥺🥺 sometimes when I'm too absorbed in work or something (which happens too often for it to be healthy) I might just forget to eat/sleep entirely AND also my sleep routine isn't the best. like i will literally fall asleep at 9pm, wake up in the middle of the night on my own at like, 1am, then usually I'll be rushing homework at this time, then maybe sleep again for a short while from 4ish? till when i have to get up for school/work at 5:30/6am 💀 there's been days where i literally looked so sick from the lack of sleep where my tutor once stopped the class to ask me if I was okay and if i was going to faint LMAO 😔 i feel like I'm a night owl??? but then also i have no problem getting up super early in the morning so?? but i really feel most at home and really enjoy the 3am nights 😌

i am also the class clown lol but it's bc i just make sarcastic comments and all and my friends think they're funny???? but also i enjoy making people laugh bc sometimes i find it interesting to try and see what kind of things make my friends laugh so it's lowkey an experiment? or like something i want to achieve? at this point. I'm fluent in English and Chinese/Mandarin and I'm learning Italian so I roughly know some basics, and I really enjoyed History, which I took last year but dropped this year. (I'm taking English Literature with Biology + Chemistry this year and they're all great, except I'm literally dying from the workload aaahhh 💀)

I'm kinda clumsy and Not Good™ at most sports, maybe passably okay for badminton but I'm really not that athletic and really not very keen on exercising either 😔 I'm quite creative and good with public speaking/creative writing/impromptu performance/speech though I'd say! I'm also in my school's drama club 😎 though I'm more of a backstage lights & sounds kind of person. I'm right handed (with a really neat handwriting, as I've been told many, many, many times) and I wear thin frame spectacles which I sometimes will fall asleep in & I'm so clumsy/careless that I'm actually really afraid I'd break them (it's happened before 😭)

I'm a really good planner? like i can do up a great and detailed schedule/plan for revision and all but i will NOT stick to what i plan 😭😭 i love to snack!!!! on chips + gummies especially, and my diet is quite unhealthy lmao i literally don't eat vegetables At All™ & i don't really eat meat that much too?? lmaoo please i can go for days without having a single proper meal & just survive on snacking on potato chips + soft drinks 💀 i am a very picky eater though so really me not finding food i like/am able to stomach is also really kind of my fault 🤡

while i really vibe with and love the dark academia aesthetic, i also do video/MOBA games, like i play games like Mobile Legends & all. I'm someone who knows most, if not all the lastest trends (like tiktok, memes etc) but i won't actively participate in them? i just kind of like to know things, like Knowledge is Power you know (I'm a Slytherin, in case you're wondering, though I've gotten Ravenclaw so often it's a close tie sometimes)

okay i feel like that's enough details about me? feels like I've told you nothing that's useful oh well LOL... I'd really love a ship for Criminal Minds and Marvel? if that's possible please? in case you missed it, i prefer men! (I'm a questioning bi, with a strong preference for men) for the hc prompt "what you do on your first date" or maybe "how you met + first impressions"?

thank you so much for being so kind and willing to do this ship requests thing!! I'm sure you're spending TONS of time and effort on this and aahhh i feel bad for typing so long paragraphs now (as you may have noticed i have a tendency to ramble on if not stopped because i am just really Socially Awkward ™ sometimes 💀 and have really bad (social) anxiety too) and i really think you're super amazing for doing this??? I'm so sorry if this took up too much of your time aaahhhhh thank you so so so much 🥺😭😭 really the biggest of congratulations to you for your 5.5k??? you really do deserve every single follower & i am SO insanely happy for you 🤩❤️

- 🌙🏒 anon

Don’t worry, you definitely provided enough information lmao. 

And thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it. 

I hope you like the ships I made for you

They are under the cut: 

Criminal Minds: 

I ship you with Hotch. 

You get the age-gap here lol. He would be a bit hesitant due to the age gap at first, but he would get over it because he can not resist. He does not seem like the type of cuddles, and especially does not take part in PDA. But when you are alone he would love holding you and spooning, especially after a long day of work. Aaron would be attracted to your uniqueness as well as your intelligence and aesthetic, finding it to be very “you”. 

How you met + his first impressions: 

You met when you were transferred to the BAU as the new Forensic Pathologist.

Hotch thought you were very interesting when you first met and was definitely intrigued by you. 

He thought you fit in fairly well and would get along with the others (which you do). 

He appreciates a sarcastic sense of humor, so he would dig that as well.

Hotch could tell you had a form of anxiety and wold be patient around you when you first met so that you could open up to him at your own pace.

What you do on your first date:

He takes you to a hockey game. 

He is not the sportiest person but he has had an interest in hockey for a while, sometimes watching it on tv. 

When he learned that you liked it, he decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to invite you on a date as well as to see his first game. 

After the game, you walked around town for a bit, getting some late night food and talking or a long time. 

This allowed you to open up to him quite a bit and you grew more comfortable around him as well, which he is very happy about. 

Best Friend: 

Your best friend is JJ. She thinks you are really cool and unique and nice. She has the type of personality that is easy t get along with and open up too, so you bonded with her quicker than the others. I also feel like she is into hockey as well, so she appreciates your love for it as well. 

-

Marvel: 

I ship you with Sam. 

I think Sam is a good fit for you. He is into sports, and digs your aesthetic. He is easy to get along with and very funny. He thinks your line of work is very interesting and loves to listen to you talk about it. Sam also really enjoys crime shows ans thrillers so he is always excited to meet someone who enjoys them as well. 

How you met + his first impressions:

You met through Nat, who you had met through SHIELD years before. 

You happened to be at the compound with Nat when Sam was there and she introduced you. 

He immediately thought you were pretty and very interesting.

Sam could tell you were shy, but that did not stop him from flirting.

Though he also made some jokes and was easy going as to not scare you off. 

He made sure to ask Nat about you once you left and managed to convince her to give him your contact info. 

What you did on your first date: 

He took you to the movies first, to watch the most recent crime thriller that came out. 

After the movie you went to a nearby park and walked around, talking about the movie and other crime/horror related stuff. 

You got food at a food truck and sat by the fountain together. 

He was appalled when you told him that you didn’t eat that often (if came a part of your relationship later on that he would try to cook you meals that you’d like just so you WOULD EAT). 

You ended up spending hours together, and it felt like no time at all.

So you were definitely up for another date with him, which he of course asked you about.  

Best-Friend: 

Natasha. She was the first one you met, and slowly introduced you to the others. She thought you were really cool when you first met and was surprised at how well you go along. That is sometimes hard for her to do, so once you became friends she never took that for granted. She and Sam would gang up on you when you weren’t eating btw. 

xxaaron

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You: 4 O’Clock

Taglist: @jineunwootrash​ @jamies-kpop-reactions​

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Note: This is the final ‘official’ part of 4 O’Clock! It’s kinda sweet how this story has wrapped up on SuperM’s one year anniversary! I can guarantee that you will see some of these characters again! I will likely revisit Lei and Taemin through drabbles; any questions or requests about them would be very much appreciated!

Epilogue: Part 2

6. Daydream

"I love you," Taemin whispers against my neck, tightening his grip around my waist and pulling me flush with him.

My room— our room— has been dark and quiet for almost an hour now, so he likely assumes that I have fallen asleep. I think I might have been sleeping, but Taemin’s voice is a blinding light that disrupts even the deepest darkness. I can't sleep while it shines, and I will never want to try. Without opening my eyes, I strain to make out every word muffled by my skin, warmed by his touch.

"My Lei, never forget that I love you. Never forget the road that leads to me. Never—"

He gasps, and I fear for a moment that he is crying. Before I can roll over to wipe his tears, he holds me closer and continues speaking in an unwavering voice. "If you see me in a time when our paths do not seem destined to cross, never forget that we will end every day together. Even when we are apart, we're looking at the same sky, counting the same stars, and reaching for the same moon."

My heart is caught somewhere in my throat, making it hard to breathe. What can I possibly say? Nothing.

There is nothing to say, so I lace my fingers through Taemin's to remind him that our paths have crossed and they will never separate; we have proven our love under the same sky; and I will never let go of his hand.

. . .

When I awaken, Taemin is sitting at the edge of the bed, tugging a white t-shirt— the one I wore yesterday, I think— over his chest. After wiping the sleep fogging my eyes, I squint to see that he is already wearing sweatpants and a pair of shoes. He is going somewhere before the sun has broken through the curtains or even through the clouds.

I'm too tired to mask the disappointment from my voice, too tired to control or question the tears welling in my eyes as I ask, "Where are you going, Taeminnie?"

My voice makes Taemin jump. Laughing at his overreaction, he bends to kiss my sleep swollen lips. "I tried not to wake you, baby. I meet Jongin at the studio to practice every morning." His voice is softer than ever; his gaze is gentler than ever; my heart beats harder than ever, and I know why.

This morning is the beginning of our forever together; the forever in which I have surrendered to him completely; the forever in which there is no part of me untouched or unchanged by our love.

As he pushes my hair out of my eyes, Taemin doesn't realize that I am falling for him again. He must not feel that I melt into him with every glance. He continues, "Then, this afternoon, I'm going shopping with Mom. The decor in that room across the hall is a little too gloomy for me."

"Do you have to go right now?" My voice sounds tiny, childish, and very much unlike mine. Weirdly, though, I don't feel embarrassed. I don't feel vulnerable or exposed. "Can't we— can't we stay in bed all day like we wanted to on my debut anniversary? Can't you stay with me a little longer?"

Because my eyelids have fluttered shut, and I am adrift in that beautiful place between asleep and awake, I don't see Taemin's reaction to my plea. I hear it; I hear the faint creaking of mattress springs as he lowers himself back by my side. I feel it; I feel the cold winter morning air raising goosebumps on my skin as he lifts the quilt; I feel his warmth as he tucks us in and carefully lays his weight atop me.

I pull him closer and tuck my face into the crook of his neck, seeking to fit with him perfectly. His skin muffles my question: "Will Jongin be upset?"

"No, baby." Taemin trails his fingertips from the tops of my shoulders to my wrists to lace his fingers through mine. "He won't be upset. He'll understand that we want to be together. He knows how much I love you. He knows that I'll do anything you ask."

"Anything?" I wish he could see how I smile around the word.

Taemin releases one of my hands to comb his fingers through my hair. "Anything, my Lei."

My heart swells and thunders. The subtle vibrations of his voice give life to the butterflies in my stomach. As if he doesn't know, I admit, "I'll do anything you ask too."

I daydream about his smile as he says, "Anything?"

"Anything, my Taemin."

"Then kiss me, please," Taemin pleads, tugging slightly on my hair to convince me to look at him. "Kiss me until you fall back to sleep."

"I can't fall asleep kissing you!" I whine, hooking my free hand around his waist, pulling him closer and closer still.

Closing my eyes, I remember it in perfect detail: the first time he laid beside me in that hotel room. It's almost like a dream, now. It's funny, beautiful, romantic, and a little bit tragic that dreams and memories can blur together.

Back then, he said, "We can sleep together if you want. What do you think, Lei? Do you think you could sleep like this?"

What was it that I didn't get to say? I'll say it now if I can remember.

"I could not sleep like this. Can't you feel how fast my heart is beating?" My eyes open to look at him. His eyes are smiling. Almost always smiling. "You'll kill me."

Taemin chuckles and argues in a whisper, "No, I won't. And no, I can't quite feel how fast your heart is beating." He connects both of his hands behind my upper back and lays his ear over my heart. "Be quiet now. Let me listen."

We are so close, but we have been closer. I love this. I love life like this. Me and my Taemin blending and blurring and melting together.

"Taemin," I breathe, fighting to keep my eyes closed. "You're waking me up."

Taemin lifts his head and strains to kiss my temple. "Well, baby, I've been wide awake for as long as I can remember. If you're asleep and I'm awake, how will we meet in the middle?"

If this is a riddle, I do not know the answer. I’ve never been good at thinking in riddles. I just know that we meet in the middle every time, and I always forget to count the steps.

7. My Best Friend

“I think I liked Taemin better when he was just your bias,” Lucas huffs while I am trying to enjoy my current favorite SHINee song (“Why So Serious?”).

My favorite SHINee song changes about every other week, and I have this (and every other) music video memorized better than my own choreography, but I don’t appreciate the rude interruption.

Without sitting up, mostly because Lucas’s comforter is almost as cloud-soft as Taemin’s had been in the SuperM house, I swat at Lucas’s shoulder exposed through a sleeveless shirt. His arm is as hard as a rock, so my hand throbs after striking him.

“First of all, that’s mean!” I glare as I blow on my aching knuckles. “What was the point of dragging me into your room to watch music videos if you’re gonna talk shit about my bias-turned-boyfriend the whole time?”

This is my first time watching SHINee since falling in love with Taemin because a.) I didn’t have time to watch very much of anything on tour and b.) I couldn’t comfortably fangirl right in front of Taemin once he insisted on holding me through the night. My heart has always pounded at the sight of him, but it’s different now.

Now, when I hear his voice, my stomach flutters with every memory we have made together. Now, a love-colored blush stains my cheeks every time the camera focuses on him, and I almost instinctively look away. Now, I can’t wait for him to walk off the screen and into my arms so I can melt into him a little more. Now, more than ever, the concepts of soulmate and idol have blurred to create this perfect picture of him: my Taemin.

Now, to be frank, Lucas’s uncharacteristically sour attitude is dampening my smile.

Rubbing at his shoulder, Lucas retorts, “You know I’ve never watched SHINee for Taemin! I like looking at Minho!”

Although my eyes roll, I can’t help but laugh. Lucas’s undying love for his own face manifests in a most peculiar idolization of Minho. I can’t bring myself to criticize him, though. Objectively, Minho is shockingly handsome— even more so in person (or so I’ve gathered from the one time I met him).

“Second of all,” I wheeze as Lucas’s weight leans into me yet again, “for the millionth time, get off of me!”

Using both hands and both feet, I pin Lucas against the wall. His arms and legs flail; he looks like a cockroach.

“Alright!” Lucas screams, so I release him.

I flinch away from him as a reflex. If Mom were home, she would fly up the stairs to defend Lucas at his faintest whimper. Then, I would be in trouble— grounded at 21 years old— all because Mom babies Lucas too much.

Lucas shovels a handful of popcorn into his cheeks until they puff out like a chipmunk’s. His voice is muffled when he grumbles, “You don’t tell Lucas to get off of you.”

“That’s it!” I reach for the remote at the foot of the bed, pause the video, and round on Lucas. “What’s your sudden problem with Taemin? I know you’re not jealous because I let him cuddle with me, so don’t try to pull any funny business. I know you’re upset that he drank your last beer—”

Lucas’s face goes red with rage at the reminder of Taemin’s dinner-time offense. “He didn’t even finish it!”

I shake my head at his pettiness. Maybe I’m missing something because I’ve never liked beer. “But you know Mom’s gonna buy more for you! You know she probably already has a new shipment on the way!”

Lucas’s frown deepens, and I try to continue in a softer voice. Lucas has always been so patient with me; repaying that patience now is the least I can do. “I get that Taemin’s moving in is a big change. It’s going to take some time for all of us to get used to. And believe me— I know it’s annoying that he helps himself to whatever he wants—”

“You got that right,” Lucas mumbles through pouting lips.

“— but that’s no excuse to be mean to him,” I say quietly. “Do you think I want to hear you talk negatively about him? Because if you do—”

My voice breaks as Lucas sits upright to rub at his eyes. Dread, originating as a sharp pang in my gut, washes over me. “Are you— are you crying?”

“It’s not about the beer.” He hugs his knees to his chest, shaking his head. “It’s not about the beer, Lei.”

Guilt is not a strong enough word to describe whatever emotion threatens to tear me apart. Nothing— nothing is worse than when Lucas is sad. Nothing is worse than knowing that somehow, accidentally, in chasing my own happiness, I have hurt my best friend, my brother.

“Well, Lucas,” I mirror his pout as I pat his arm comfortingly, “what is it about?”

His lips tremble before he cries, “I don’t wanna talk about it!” and collapses face-first into a pillow.

If I wasn’t so concerned— if I wasn’t so baffled by his sudden outburst of emotions (as I always am)— I would almost want to laugh at his theatrics. As it is, I tug the black cap from his head and toss it onto the floor so I can card a hand through his hair. This is something Mom used to do when I was upset as a child. The only difference is that she would make me rest my head in her lap; the only difference is that Mom would braid through my hair, and Lucas’s hair is too short to braid.

“We have to talk about it, Lucas.” I tell him what I have learned: “We have to keep our feelings out in the light, otherwise they will metastasize.”

When that doesn’t inspire him to open up, I take the first step forward. Another thing I have learned: taking the first step isn’t that hard when you’re moving toward somebody you love. “I’m sorry that I didn’t warn you about Taemin moving in. This is your home too, and I’m sorry that I didn’t ask about your feelings before he—”

“Dude, Lei.” Lucas rolls onto his back to show me his wrinkled forehead. “Don’t apologize for your happy ending! I’ll be okay! I’ll get past this! It’s just—”

His toothy smile dims as he admits, “I thought I was used to knowing that I’m not the main guy in your life anymore. I thought I accepted it, and I guess I have, kinda. I always knew that you would find Prince Charming and that he wasn’t me. I just— I thought I would always be your best friend.”

“You are my best friend!” I laugh because the idea that anyone could ever take Lucas’s place— even someone that I love as much as Taemin— is the most ridiculous thing I have ever considered. “You’ll always be my best friend! Who else am I gonna tell on the frequent occasion that Taemin tap dances on my last nerve? Who else am I gonna watch SHINee videos with? Who else am I gonna eat popcorn in bed with?”

“You could watch SHINee videos with Taemin,” Lucas claims, picking at a loose thread on his blanket. “You could eat popcorn in bed with Taemin.”

I shake my head so vigorously that I get a bit dizzy. “No, I couldn’t. Taemin talks constantly. You know I can’t stand it when anybody interrupts an Onew descant!”

While Lucas laughs, I add, “And I’m never letting Taemin eat in bed with me; he’s the messiest eater alive!” Rolling my eyes, smiling faintly at this most recent memory, I say, “Right after he moved in, he was eating one of those gooey McDonald’s cookies in my bed, and he got chocolate everywhere.”

Lucas gasps, coming alive with this tiny morsel of gossip. “He got chocolate on the quilt Grandma made for you, sewing love in every stitch?”

Taemin hadn’t actually gotten chocolate anywhere except his fingers, but I was all too willing to privately slander him if that would make Lucas feel better. Grimacing dramatically, I nod my head, and Lucas groans in disgust.

“Well, as annoying as he might be,” Lucas sniffles, “Taemin is the one, you know.”

I gasp not because I haven’t already realized that; I gasp because Lucas has always been opposed to the idea of one great love. He believes that we are shaped by every relationship— romantic, friendly, familial— and that we were not made for a sole soulmate, but he insists, “It’s true! One day, probably soon, you’re gonna get married, and—”

Were it not for the sad dimples forming in his chin, I would fear that Lucas is on the brink of more baby talk. “And you’re gonna be happier than we ever imagined anyone could be! And you know that whenever you’re happy, I’m happy, but—”

Tears glisten in Lucas’s eyes, so they glisten in mine too.

“I’ll feel a teeny tiny bit sad because then Taemin will be Mom’s real son, and I’ll just be a fake son!”

I should have realized that this would somehow lead back to Mom.

“You’re not a fake son.” Even though Mom’s obvious love for Lucas should require no evidence, I offer, “Do you wanna hear something Mom told Heechul one of those times he tried to convince her to kick you out?”

Lucas nods his head.

I force myself not to roll my eyes or shake my head or express any degree of annoyance as I relate, “She said, ‘Lei is my child by blood, but Lucas is my child by choice. I can’t imagine how dull this house would be without him, and I don’t want to, so—’” As Lucas cracks a smile, I burst into laughing— “‘so shut the hell up, Heechul!’”

To ensure that Lucas’s smile doesn’t fade, I say, “Taemin is one of Mom’s kids now because I’ve fallen in love with him, but you—” I poke him in the ribs, just below his armpits, right where I know he is most ticklish, and delight in his laughter that has painted all of my happiest days— “you have always been Mom’s favorite because you’re the brightest sunspot in the universe! You’ll always be her favorite, so—”

While I am blinking, Lucas tackles me onto his bed and spills the bowl of popcorn onto the blanket. It’s hard to breathe under his weight; he’s much heavier than he looks, and I wasn’t prepared to defend myself.

Although repeating this request— this command— is a waste of limited breath, the words tumble out of my mouth anyway, ��Get off, Lucas!”

Of course, he doesn’t obey. He never obeys. He rolls me onto my back so I can watch his face contort with maniacal laughter, so he can watch the panic flashing in my eyes with the realization that I have started a tickle war.

My eyes tighten closed, and I hold my breath in anticipation of a touch that never happens.

From the doorway, Taemin clears his throat.

That sound sends Lucas flying off of me with the explanation, “We were just watching SHINee videos! We were just about to watch ‘Sherlock’ because— I doubt she has told you this— Lei has a thing for your long hair. I mean, she kind of has a thing for you with all of your different hairstyles. She told me that when ‘Replay’ came out, she thought you were the cutest boy in the world with your bowl cut, and—”

“Alright!” I pick a piece of popcorn from the bed and launch it at Lucas’s big head. “He gets it! Is nothing sacred with you, Lucas?”

“I see,” Taemin says, fighting the teasing smile determined to curl his lips. Focusing on the large frame in his hands, Taemin forces his face into a scowl. “Lei, have you talked to your fashion icon lately?”

Considering his recently expressed tension with Key, it’s obvious who Taemin is talking about, but I play dumb anyway. “Which one, Taeminnie?” I look up at him with wide eyes before sweeping Lucas’s popcorn back into its bowl. “I talk to Amber almost every day, and Taeyeon—”

Taemin interrupts with the rolling of his eyes. “Key! I’m talking about Key!” He whirls the frame around to reveal a particularly sensual poster of Key wearing some scantily clad leather outfit.

When I lean forward and squint, trying to make out which era this outfit is from, Taemin’s eyes widen. He turns the poster around and hugs the image against his body. “Stop looking at him like that!”

Lucas tries (and fails) to contain his laughter when I stand from the bed and walk to Taemin, arguing, “I’m not looking at Key like anything! I’m just trying to remember where I’ve seen that outfit before.” Closing my eyes and rubbing at my temples— that always helps me to concentrate— “I’m thinking that it was at that Tokyo Dome concert in 2014, but—”

Taemin breaks my concentration by shrieking, “You’ve seen this? In real life? With your own two eyes?”

“I was there, so yeah.” Taemin’s disapproving stare compels me to explain, “I wasn’t there to see Key in leather or anything, Taemin. I just happened to be doing promotions in Japan while you were performing there, and I begged Mom to let me go to the concert.”

Taemin’s brow furrows as he does math in his head. “2014— that means you were about fifteen years old! Fifteen is way too young to be looking at this filth!”

“Oh yeah” I laugh, “and your outfit for the ‘Danger’ stage was very appropriate, Taemin, very suitable for young viewers.”

As Taemin’s face flushes red with embarrassment, maybe feeling aware of our age difference as I am for the first time, I say, “Don’t worry. Mom covered my eyes, so—”

“We’ve seen it since, though,” Lucas divulges through a mouthful of popcorn. He never knows what to keep to himself. “Don’t let Lei’s fake modesty fool you! We watch that Tokyo Dome Concert DVD every other month, and I’ve never seen Lei cover her eyes during any of the stages, especially not ‘Danger.’”

While I glare at Lucas over my shoulder, Taemin laughs. “Whatever. That’s not the point. This—” He lifts the poster— “came in the mail today, addressed to me. And I haven’t told Key that we were dating, let alone that I moved in with you..”

“He’s been onto us for a while,” I say to deflect responsibility for having leaked the information to Key. “While we were on tour, he asked me about your ribbon bracelet because Amber recognized it and asked him to investigate.”

“Key and Amber,” Taemin shakes his head. “There was a note attached to this. I left it downstairs. It said something like, ‘Here’s your house warming gift! You can never have enough fashion icons — Key and Amber.’”

Although Taemin seems flustered by the attention, as I lay back on Lucas’s bed, Lucas and I erupt into raucous laughter. “That’s hilarious!” we wheeze, clutching our sides.

“It’s not that funny,” Taemin mutters, “and Key is crazy if he thinks I’m hanging this filth in my remodeled closet!”

Crawling to my side, Lucas shouts, “I’ll take it if you don’t want it!”

I narrow my eyes and argue, “Your closet isn’t big enough to hang a poster in! And Key isn’t your fashion icon; he’s mine! So if anyone deserves the poster—”

“Call me crazy,” Taemin says before setting the poster against the wall and lowering himself onto Lucas’s bed, where he crawls onto my back and whispers in my ear, taking my voice and breath away, “but I don’t really want my girlfriend to look at such a scandalous image every day.”

I say, “You’re crazy,” under my breath, growing red under Taemin’s weight and Lucas’s suggestive gaze.

“Well,” Lucas grunts as he reaches for the remote that fell on the floor during the short-lived tickle war, “now I can’t get that ‘Danger’ stage out of my head!”

My mouth opens to beg Lucas not to play that— especially not with Taemin in the room, especially not with Taemin clinging to me and dropping light kisses on my cheeks— but I bite into my tongue. This, bonding over SHINee, is a good thing. This, watching music videos together as a developing family unit, counts as living in the light.

8. Present

Taemin sings "Danger" around the house, I initially think, to tease me. He likes to see the cherry red color burning my cheeks at the memory of his performance; he told me so while we watched it with Lucas. Soon, however, I realize that Taemin's incessant singing could have been— should have been— taken as a warning. 

One day, he returns home from his daily practice with Jongin wearing a smile bright enough to distract me from my task of reading my story to Lucas, Mom, and Donghae in the living room. This is how Donghae decided to celebrate his return to the house: by listening attentively to my reflection on the last several months. 

Although I know that I will soon read these words to Taemin— although I know that he has heard them in my voice in past lives, and he has read them on his own maybe in the moonlight— I am not ready to read them to him now. I am not ready to tell him my recollections of that camping trip where he asked for my ribbon and I gave it, hoping only (desperately, with breathtaking intensity) to receive his genuine smile. The one that reaches his eyes. The one that I have received every day since then. 

Closing the book so suddenly that Lucas, Mom, and Donghae flinch, I beckon Taemin from his place in the doorway. "Taeminnie! Why are you smiling so brightly?" 

"I'm so happy!" He cheers as he shuffles in, lugging two tall packages. His eyes break from mine to smile at Mom. "The posters are here!" 

Mom, who has been melting into Donghae's embrace on the couch, straightens to sit on the edge of her seat. "Yay!" Her fists pump into the air, making her look very much like Lucas. "Open them here, please. I want to see!"

Mom's unrestrained excitement in no way prepares us for what we are about to say. Clueless, Donghae, Lucas, and I mirror her energy as Taemin lowers himself onto the arm of my chair, very nearly sitting in my lap. 

"Here, baby." The kiss Taemin presses to my cheek elicits a gasp from Donghae. Despite Mom's explicit warning that my boyfriend has moved in and— no— there is nothing he can say to change that, despite my interest in Taemin professed in what I have so far read of my story, Donghae must not realize that Taemin and I are together until we are right before his eyes. 

Taemin sets one package before me. "This one is for you!" 

It's awkward to unbox something under everyone's gaze, especially when Lucas grumbles from his place on the floor at Mom's feet, "I want a present too!" 

It's mortifying once I see what the present is: a full-body poster of one of Taemin's shots from the Ace photo shoot. 

It isn't as if this is my first time seeing this picture where he boldly stares into the camera, standing shirtless. It isn't as if I haven't seen and touched the muscles in his chest and abdomen— which are much bigger now, by the way. It's just— my face burns as I see him such a vulnerable, tempting, beautiful position without warning and in front of my family. 

I mutter, "Taemin," under my breath, intending to scold him. 

This issue is that my voice comes out as a fragmented whine that further humiliates me into speechlessness. The issue is that I can't meet my real Taemin's smiling eyes, and I can't quite break free from the poster Taemin's captivating stare, and I am on fire, and—

Mom and Lucas bark, "Let us see!" and I have to comply. 

Fixing my gaze down on my lap, I turn the poster around and remind myself to just breathe as Donghae (again) gasps, Lucas whistles, and Mom says, like some kind of art critic, "The contrast shows up a lot better than I expected." 

When my voice fails, Donghae asks in a wavering tone, likely afraid to speak too forcefully and risk eviction, "You approve of this?"

Shameless, perpetually unaware or inconsiderate of cues to be quiet, Taemin asks, "What's wrong with it?" He leans forward, brow furrowing, to study his image. "I'm really proud of this picture. It's not as pretty as the poster I got of Lei—"

My face flushes, and Donghae gawks at Taemin. "You got a poster of Lei?" 

Nodding eagerly, oblivious or immune to the daggers flying at him from Donghae's eyes, Taemin reveals the poster of me to the room. "Isn't she beautiful?"

It's a promotional picture from LX2. By no means am I as exposed as Taemin is in Ace promotional photos; still, LX2 is the most suggestive concept of my career. It's embarrassing to see myself like this, especially since I have passionately avoided the photos. 

The idol Lei wears a flattering white tube top (cut just above her belly button, of course) and matching white bell-bottoms. Over her shoulder, branded with LX2's logo, she casts a wide-eyed glance that is not at all innocent. For a moment— just a moment— I see her through Taemin's eyes. I agree: she is beautiful. 

Then, my eyes open when Donghae hisses at Mom, "You approved of this?" He must have been avoiding the pictures too. 

Cutting her eyes at his tone, Mom replies, "She is beautiful, Donghae! Of course, I approved this!"

If I think it's annoying how Mom babies Lucas, how do I describe Mom and Taemin's shared perspective on suggestive imagery? Weird. 

Lucas cries, squinting at my image, "I've been cropped out!" He flies forward to point at the black background. "I was standing right here, looking supermegafoxyawesomehot! I had my arms around Lei! We were looking at the camera like we got caught kissing or something!" 

He over-explains, forgetting that Mom and Taemin witnessed the photo shoot and that Donghae, judging from how he covers his eyes, clearly does not want to know. 

"Lucas, honey," Mom says softly, "Taemin didn't want a poster of you holding Lei, so we had to crop you out." 

Whirling around with tears caused by the sting of betrayal forming in his eyes, Lucas sulks. "You were in on this, Mom?" 

Oh great, my eyes rolled, another development in Lucas's competition with Taemin for Mom's attention. 

"Go look at the picture on the mantle above the fireplace, honey!" Mom encourages Lucas. "There, you'll find a framed unedited version of your picture with Lei." 

Donghae, Taemin, and I watch Lucas run to the fireplace, where he releases a deep sigh of relief upon finding the picture. 

Everyone except me and Donghae is weird. Lucas is weird for caring so much about a picture we took for work; Mom is weird for commemorating the products of the LX2 photo shoot like they are family portraits taken at a department store studio; Taemin is weird for wanting this poster of me enough to edit Lucas out of the picture. 

Pecking at my forehead, Taemin asks, "What are you thinking, baby?" 

Obviously, I won't admit that I am thinking that my family is comprised entirely of weirdos, especially not with Taemin looking at me so hopefully. I try to say something positive or make an objective comment about the composition of the photos, but I can't. 

Glaring at the picture of me, I complain, "My butt is huge!" 

When I look up at Mom, asking, "You approved of this?" Donghae is rising to his feet. He walks into the kitchen to escape the conversation; I can't say I blame him. 

Mom rolls her eyes. "Yes, I approved it! You look amazing, and judging by how well the LX2 package sold—"

"My butt is not that big!" I whine, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. "Why didn't you pick a picture where I didn't look like that?"

I regret saying anything when Taemin's face pales. He frowns at the picture because he can't bring himself to frown at me. In a voice so quiet that I am probably not meant to hear, he wonders, "What's wrong with it?"

The disappointed lines around his mouth deepen as he tries to see me thorugh my eyes. Suddenly, my stomach ties in knots. I never want Taemin to see me as I have always seen myself. I want him to look at me as he always has— with stars in his eyes— so I grumble, "Stop looking at it like that." 

Meeting my eyes, Taemin realizes instantly that I am upset. I don't think he understands why, though. He probably thinks that I am lashing out from the embarrassment of opening the posters before an audience, but I'm not. I'm not. I am begging him not to look at me after I have tainted his vision with my self-criticisms. 

Taemin means it when he says, "I'm sorry," as he rises to his feet, fixing his gaze on the floor. "I'll take these to my room. I'm sorry." 

When he leaves, he takes both posters with him. I don't speak up to say that I like the poster of him. I don't speak up to say that I know I'm being irrational. I just watch him carry both heavy frames up the stairs. I just hear the slam of his door that is too loud to be an accident. 

I have learned that Taemin does not cope well with rejection. I don't know anybody who does. He is more sensitive than most might expect, and I seem to have a talent for accidentally wounding his feelings. I never, ever mean to do it. I'm always sorry when I do. 

"I hate to tell ya, sis," Lucas says, collapsing on the arm of my chair that Taemin just vacated, "but you can't really blame Mom for that picture. Your butt is gonna look big in, like, every picture because—"

"Stop looking at my butt, Lucas!" I boss in a tired voice, too shocked by the sudden shift in the atmosphere to immediately chase after Taemin. "It's gross." 

Lucas raises his hands in surrender. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Literally nobody thinks—"

He falls silent when he picks up on my glare, and Mom takes the opportunity to state the obvious: "I think Taemin's feelings are really hurt, Lei." 

I'm not going to mouth off to Mom just because I feel uncomfortable, I decide, so I bite down on my lip and listen as she continues, "Maybe it seems like he's overreacting. He probably is, but we already know that he's prone to passionate fits. Try to understand that he was trying to do something special for you. We spent hours looking through all of your pictures and all of his to find two that looked like a pair." 

I squirmed, imagining how many SHINee pictures they must have looked through before settling on that Ace one. I knew that Taemin was thoughtful; I knew that I hadn't meant to belittle his efforts; still, no knowledge could have defended me from the rising wave of guilt. 

As Lucas drops an arm around me to remind me that this isn't that big of a deal, to keep me grounded, to protect me from the downward spiral— his greatest talent— Donghae advises from the kitchen, "Give him some time to cool off, Lei. He'll be okay." 

. . . 

When Taemin hasn't returned downstairs by the time Mom and Donghae have finished making dinner like a cutesy couple from a drama— oblivious to the fact that they are the subject of Lucas's incognito photo shoot— Mom sends me upstairs to get him. She doesn't tell me to apologize, but I have an apology pressed to the tip of my tongue by the time I knock on Taemin's door. 

"Dinner is ready," I announce first. That doesn't compel Taemin to open the door, though, so I add, "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. Mom explained—"

The door swings open, and Taemin pulls me into his room by looping his arm around my waist. His smile, coupled with the kiss he drops on my lips, implies that there are no hard feelings between us. He is not expecting an apology. 

I am relieved not because I am too proud to apologize but because— I don't know— maybe this is irresponsible or somehow unrealistic, but I like skipping ahead to the next happy moment with Taemin. I don't like standing in the dark for longer than necessary. 

"Look at how good they look together!" Excitedly, Taemin points to the ceiling above his bed (which is now decorated by white sheets similar to those he had at the SuperM house), where he has managed to secure our posters. 

Objectively, they do look good together. If I didn't know better, I might believe that both pictures were taken in the same place at the same time. There is something kind of romantic about drawing parallels between our separate art. My heart flutters. 

I don't know how to say that yet, but I will learn. For now, I ask, blushing and averting my gaze from the posters' "What will you do if they fall on us in our sleep? Do you even think you'll fall asleep with them staring at you like that?" 

"If they fall, maybe they'll knock some sense into me," Taemin jokes, laughing away my valid concern about, you know, the very real force of gravity. "And I don't mind them looking at me. You look at me like that—" he points at my poster— "all the time!" 

He winks just before I release the faintest laugh and swipe lightly at his shoulder. "I do not! Stop daydreaming and come on!" I grab his hand and pull him toward the door. "Everyone is waiting for us!"

Taemin insists, “You do so!” 

I don’t keep arguing; I am too happy that he lets me hold his hand on his walk downstairs. 

9. The Moon

When I refuse to sleep under the posters— at least until Mom guarantees that they are hung properly and their stares no longer make my stomach knot— Taemin agrees to sleep in my room again. 

While we wash our faces side by side because he loves this kind of domesticity, Taemin says, "You know you're beautiful, right?" His head goes aslant. "Even if you think the poster is weird, you know there's nothing wrong with your appearance, right?" 

Body image is an uncomfortable topic. I don't especially enjoy discussing it with anybody, probably especially not with perfect gorgeous ideal Taemin. I don't resent his perfection or anything; I admire it. I just don't like questions like his because there is only one acceptable answer. Anything contrary will arouse concern, and I don't want his concern. I don't need his concern. 

I nod my head because that is the right thing to do. 

Taemin keeps looking at me, so I profess, "Being pretty on the outside isn't important at all. Superficial beauty is overrated, and nothing as subjective as the words 'pretty' and 'handsome' can ever define a person." Turning my gaze to the counter, finding my reflection there too, I conclude, "Or, at least, they shouldn't. Those words are too small." 

Or, at least, that's something somebody I trust entirely taught me once upon a time. God, I so rarely trust anyone entirely. 

"That's true," Taemin nods thoughtfully. His tone softens like he knows that my heart feels tender. "But you are pretty on the outside. It's okay to say that. Your beauty isn't superficial. The surface and the depths are beautiful." 

I smile and say, "Thank you," because — why would I ever want to argue with kindness? "It goes without saying that I think the same thing about you." 

"Maybe it does." Taemin shrugs before drying his hands and standing behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He leans so that his chin rests on my shoulder. "But I like hearing it anyway." 

It isn't difficult to smile at our reflection and say out loud, "You're beautiful inside and out." 

He whispers in my ear, reaching for my hand to ensure that the moon— our moon— is secured in my grasp, "I think you would benefit from saying that to yourself from time to time." 

And I know that he is right. 

I will try.

[famousconfessions]

Did you miss me?

Title: Did you miss me? // Ed Sheeran Fanfiction, mature content

Author: @superkatesi & @famousconfessions

Rating: NC-17

Author's note: Sooo @superkatesi and I did a thing. We were just talking and daydreaming and ended up being like "Okay, let's just write something and have some fun with it". We hope you like it and please remember that English is not our first language but we tried our best :D Every kind of feedback is appreciated! So here it goes...

It was 11 a.m. Friday. I was sitting on the floor packing our suitcase for the upcoming trip. Ed’s family was throwing a huge party dedicated to his dad’s birthday. All of Ed’s cousins, aunts and uncles were going to Suffolk for this meaningful day. Ed was about to arrive home and I was buzzing. It had been a while since we seen each other. During the last three months I was completely absorbed into the thoughts of missing this ginger perfection. There were minutes when I was just starring at his guitar that always stands next to his favorite armchair. At those moments, I closed my eyes and tried to depict him sitting there with a cup of freshly – brewed tea, a laptop and a guitar humming a new ballad. But then I realized that it was just me working on a project. Different continents, countries, time zones – all these things couldn’t ruin our love. Love that was neatly wrapped in a blanket of our sleepy mornings, wild nights and all-consuming tenderness. All of a sudden, I heard that someone was knocking on the door. It was Ed.

I got up from the floor, almost stumbling over my own feet while I was trying to get to the door as fast as possible. I just couldn't handle being away from him any longer. My heart was racing in my chest and when I finally saw him, I was so overwhelmed, that tears pooled in my eyes. “Hey baby girl", these three words and him standing right in front of me was just too much. “You are here” was everything I could say, before he pulled me in for a hug and I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could. It kinda felt like a dream and I couldn't believe that he was actually here in my arms. I've had missed him so much, it was crazy. I didn't know it was possible to miss a person so much that it physically hurt but I learned that the hard way. “Yes, I am, love... and I'm not gonna leave anytime soon”, he said, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head. Smiling I looked up at him, biting my bottom lip. “Thank god, but I wouldn't let you go anyway”, I said, looking into his beautiful blue eyes, before I kissed his lips. It had just been too long... and missing him got harder every time he left for another leg of his never ending tour. But for now he was all mine... at least until we had to leave for that party. It was just so good to have him back, feeling his arms around me, his lips on mine, his amazing scent. God, it was almost too much for me.

I pouted, when he broke away from me to go to the bathroom to probably freshen up a bit.

He looked so casual and a bit tired after a long-distance flight, but all excited. He wore jeans and a black t-shirt that drew my attention to his colorful flexed biceps. He took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes in this childish way that always melts my heart. I heard him screaming from the bathroom: “Did you miss me, love?”. Of course, he knew the answer but wanted to hear it one more time. I’d just wanted to tell him everything that I felt at the moment but there he was, standing next to the door-post. He left his T-shirt somewhere in the hamper. His bright tummy looked like a masterpiece and he had that promising, mischievous look in his eyes. I couldn’t help but come up to him: “Do you really want to know it? Did I miss you? Let me show you, baby boy”. I started trailing my fingers from his bare chest to the auburn scruff on his face that was deliciously tickling my fingers. He pulled me to his naked torso and I felt heat spreading all over my body. He left me speechless.

Actually, I couldn't even put into words how much I missed him so it was probably a better idea to show him. I was kinda nervous now, being so close to him and I was sure it was because I was so excited for him to be back. My whole body was tingling and I just wanted to feel him all over me. Like... he was so close but still too far away. “Go on, love, show me”, his raspy, whispering voice sent shivers down my spine, so I needed a moment, before I was able to put my lips on the rose tattoo on his left shoulder. My lips wandered from there to his neck, then down to the lion on his chest, while my hands rested on his stomach, slowly travelling down to his belt. Ed tilted his head back, anticipating my hands unbuckling it. He is a well-known tease-lover but this time was my turn. I didn’t want to let this little ready-to-go kitten get everything at once, even though I was dying to rip his pants off and admire this pleasurable view. I started giving him feather-light touches in the area where his trousers started visibly tenting. “Please, let me.. I can’t wait anymore...” he whispered under the breath in his full of desire voice. “Don’t be so mea..” he didn’t manage to finish his phrase ‘cause my naughty fingers got under his belt just right into the pants and gave him a short stroke that couldn’t go without noticing. He shut his eyes, exhaled loudly and then grabbed me, put on his shoulder and then down to the sofa. I started giggling and bit his earlobe.

Ed pinned me to the velvet pillows on the couch and frowned his gingerish eyebrows articulating in a mentor-like tone: “Do you think this is funny? I’ve been craving for you all these months...Going to sleep with one single thought - you, and waking up thinking about your body right next to mine. The only thing I want to do during these spare hours before our Suffolk trip...the only thing I want... is your legs wrapped around me and your sweet moans in my ears”. That was the second when I finally lost my mind. His angelic, freckled face with curls on the forehead was just an inch away from mine and... I gave up. My lips crashed on his and it seemed like I’d lived all this time without oxygen and finally started breathing Before I met him I didn't know what it was like to be in love. Well, I thought I knew but this whole thing with him was so different. My feelings for him were so strong that it scared me from time to time. What if someday he left me? What if it didn't work out because of his job? I tried to erase these thoughts from my mind but sometimes I couldn't help but think about that. I loved him so much and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't have a Plan B, so if this would go wrong in the future I wouldn't know how to keep going. Luckily, everything was fine now, he was back and he was all mine right in this second. “You're wearing way too many clothes, babe", he whispered after he broke the kiss and brought me back to reality. After all, reality was now better than dreaming. “Then help me get rid of it", I replied, biting my bottom lip, wiggling under him because I was so impatient. Just a second later I felt his warm, soft hands under my shirt and a small moan escaped my lips. I almost forgot how good his hands felt on me and I couldn't wait for more. I just hoped that he wouldn't play the teasing game with me tonight... but of fucking course he took his time, running his hands over my upper body and before I could complain I felt his lips on my neck, sucking and nibbling and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't get out of this without a hickey.

“I’m going to make you feel incredibly good, love”, he cooed while taking off my shirt. It was a bit chilly in the room but my nipples hardened not because of it but because of his skillful fingers that were dancing round them, twisting and squeezing. He was sitting on me with his eyes traveling from my face to my boobs. I lifted myself on the elbows and started unzipping his jeans. He helped me and threw his pants away standing there only wearing his black Calvin Klein’s. I felt these sparks of electricity and tension between us. He leaned towards me and without any hesitation took my shorts and a thong off. I wrapped my arms around his neck, inhaled this mind-blowing smell and wanted to capture this moment forever in memory. “Please don't ever leave for this long again", I mumbled between huffed breaths and chaste kisses, while I ran my hands through his soft ginger curls... but he just smiled, pressed a few kisses to my cheek, my neck, then travelled down my shoulder, my breasts and down my stomach. My eyes fell shut, I couldn't think anymore and the pure sensation of his lips on my skin was almost enough to send me over the edge. I was hungry for more... a lot more. Talking to him on the phone and texting just wasn't the same as actually feeling him on me.

“I'm here now, love”, I suddenly heard his voice again. “So don't worry”, ohh no, I didn't. He definitely erased every negative thought with what he was doing and he slowly made me lose my mind. His lips wandered even lower, but not where I wanted them the most. Instead he took his time to kiss every inch of my thighs, just letting me wait. Ohh, he would regret that later. He then made his way up again and just when I'd given up hope I suddenly felt his lips and his tongue right there! “Ohh fuck, Teddy”, I gasped, my hands finding his hair again to have something to hold onto. He used his long fingers to spread my folds and put his tongue deeper while rubbing his nose on the most sensual part of my dripping sex. His a bit calloused fingers kneaded every piece of this positively-singing area. My hips started spontaneously buckling straight into his face that was already covered with my juices. “Are u alright, sweet girl? Can’t wait for you to come all over my face?” he growled and started lapping me with a double zeal. Every time, these words, combined with the sexiest accent in the whole world, send me to the sky. I couldn’t keep my hands to myself and they travelled from his head to my nipples. Ed noticed my action and gave me the wildest look of his already darkened navy-blue eyes. “Fuck...” I grasped, this man was truly gifted. I saw my impatient boy freeing his well-sculptured cock with one hand and giving it a long slow stroke. He couldn’t wait anymore but didn’t forget about me. Ed started rubbing messy circles on my already intolerably aching clit. This spectacular sight and sensations sent stores of electricity down my lower belly wires. I would've loved to help him out but right now I wasn't able to do anything other than to feel and watch while he touched himself. Every little movement of his fingers brought me closer, I was panting, biting my lip, trying to keep my eyes open because I just wanted to look at him. God, he was the most beautiful human being on earth and he didn't even know.

“Teddy, I'm so close, oh god, I-”, I couldn't finish my sentence, because his lips crashed down on mine but at the same time he stopped touching me and I growled into the kiss. Why the fuck did he stop now? I pushed him away playfully and looked at him puzzled, but this fucking tease just grinned at me. “Don't be mad at me, baby girl, I just don't want to finish you off like that just now”, uggh! I growled at him again, but I couldn't be seriously angry at him... not at all. Funnily, his little game just made me want him even more. I got him to lie on his back and I crawled over him, kissing his lips hungrily, while I felt his throbbing cock twitching against my tummy. “Let's see who's the impatient one here, huh?”, I whispered into his ear, rubbing myself against him. I kissed him again, while my hands travelled over the colorful tattoos on his chest, his belly, further down... and then up again. I took my time, listening to his heavy breathing and soft moans which really, really turned me on... until I finally touched him where he needed me the most. Just fingertips to very sensitive, soft skin but I heard him take a sharp breath and that made me want to tease him some more.

“Do you want more?”, I asked, looking into his eyes while my fingertips kept stroking him. “Yes, please...I want more...”, he whispered, trying to concentrate his attention on my fingers rubbing a pink plush head of his tool. I spit on my palm and spread it all the way down his shaft. It was a long wet stroke that made him tense his belly muscles. Poor boy, he couldn’t last any longer and I decided to stop that sweet torture. I was literally dripping wet and my only wish at that moment was Ed’s cock stretching out my sensitive walls...I was dying to feel every vein on his shaft and his hands all over my buzzing body. I made myself comfortable and started lowering... his twitching head touched and entered my opening just for a sec. I saw Ed’s fists grabbed the blanket that was on the sofa but his eyes were wide-open and focused on that particular moment. I did the same thing one more time but let him feel it for a while. A long primal moan escaped his parted lips. “If you’re going to play with me like this, babe, I will explode in a minute”, he groaned in a begging tone. Okay, these words..this man... his desire.... Without any hesitation I sank all the way down his length... That feeling of him filling me out was just out of this world, especially after such a long time. His head fell back in pleasure and I heard a long, deep growl out of his mouth which turned me on even more. I stopped for a second, getting used to him, before I started moving.

My hands were on his chest for some support, while his grabbed my hips, his fingers digging deep into my skin, guiding me. We soon found the perfect rhythm, just like we always did and even if it sounded weird, I was always glad when that happened because every time he was gone I feared that something between us would change, he would find someone better, he would realize that he didn't want to have a relationship because his career was so engaging. But right now that wasn't the case. It was just us, our love and lust for each other and the perfect unity of our bodies. “Fuck, love... don't stop now”, he groaned and a second later our gazes met. We looked into each other’s eyes and the moment was so intense that I almost exploded right there and then. I definitely didn't think about stopping now, so I increased our pace, his hips meeting mine. I saw stars dancing in front of my eyes with every thrust and when he suddenly started kissing my neck and his fingers found my clit again I just lost it. Everything came crashing down on me and the high carried me away. A few seconds of absolute pleasure, no worries, no pain, nothing... just the pure thrill of ecstasy. My nails were digging deeper into his chest when I felt him twitch inside of me and my walls clenched around him again, what seemed to send him over the edge, too. His head fell to my chest and he was panting, while we both rode out or orgasms, trying to regain steady breaths. “I love you, baby girl”, I heard him whisper, as I ran my hands through his soft ginger curls. “I love you too... and I'm so happy to have you back”.

A perfect reunion.

We were lying on the couch. I was listening to his heartbeat and he was playing with my hair. I looked around: my table covered with papers, our photos on the wall, his armchair with the guitar next to it and a half-way-through packed suitcase...wait?!.. “Ed, Ed! We’re going to be late for your dad’s B-Day party!” I exclaimed grabbing my t-shirt and trying to put on my shorts at the same time. I heard Ed answering his phone: “Hi, mum...we are on our way...”

[dzpenumbra]

10/18/22

Today was an absolute clusterfuck. After I wrote my journal last night, and recovered from the panic attack I had while writing it, I proofread it a few times. Like 4 times. And studied it. I went to text my mom and thought it was probably a bit too early to bother her. I ended up calling around 9:30. I was still kinda high and super sleep deprived. I told her about the panic attack, my theory on what caused it, what it was protecting me from. The vet. And... she connected it to medical stuff. Because we both share medical trauma. I won't share her trauma, that's hers to disclose, but mine was the whole getting kicked in the shin at a metal show and a week later going to the ER and the ER docs demanding I choose between exploratory surgery to free the clot (which could kill me instantly if they fucked it up) or to take off my right leg at the knee. Like... amputate.

So... yeah, I do have medical trauma. And problems with bad experiences with doctors. But it doesn't really control me too much. Right now, this one is way worse.

Hearing about hers, and seeing how wide it had spread. It was a lot to carry. I don't fault her for sharing at all, and I made a point to address that with her. It's very special and personal. But at the moment, not unlike the moment I'm in now... I was very hypersensitive. And the combination of traumas kinda just crashed the system. Her intentions were to meet me in the middle, to be vulnerable with me to make me feel safe and not alone. And it worked, but the carrying her emotions on top just kinda did me in. I was too sensitive. So it was really tricky to work through, and it triggered a few more panic attacks.

I'm guessing I'm kinda in a PTSD episode or something. It's hard to describe. I'm very very emotionally sensitive. So much that I didn't "risk" smoking tonight.

I'm trying to... "protect" myself from negative entertainment, which feels like trying to protect a child or something. I feel very infantile, vulnerable, weak. The shame from feeling this way just compounds it, makes me feel like people are going to be mean to me or lecture me because of it. Because I'm a grown man, you know? Not supposed to have feelings. You shove that shit down, man, don't be a pussy. What, you're afraid of confronting the biggest loss you've ever suffered? Don't be a baby. Just go to the vet.

So... my mom tried to help her best, but I don't think she's remotely used to dealing with emotions. Not sure if she ever learned. It is what it is. So... really... I'm kinda just daydreaming right now of having a girlfriend who's down to hold my hand and rub my back and let me put my head on her lap. And to tell me everything's going to be okay. I had that once. And as horrible as everything else was... as much as I'd never go back... that memory is just running clearly in my head right now. I miss that, and I would never have gotten through those moments in one piece without that.

It's all I really want in life, really. Genuine caring, emotional comfort, affection. Love. Fuck money, fuck fame, fuck degrees, fuck accomplishments. I just want to sit by a river on a summer day with someone who I can look right in the eye and know is exuberantly loving that moment as much as I am. There's no place else they'd rather be. That's all I want.

So yeah, I got like a 3 hour nap in since I last wrote. I'm using the tincture tonight. I've been super anxious all fucking day/night. Like constant. I poked my head around a corner and locked eyes with Grief again. And it is manifesting much more fear-focused than depression-focused this time. I'm sure the lack of sleep is helping....

I put on a nightlight. I want to be a jerk and bully myself because of that too. My thoughts just go so fast when I'm anxious, it's hard to keep up with them. I guess I keep going back to that. Being a really sensitive person.

I'm watching a streamer who... isn't. At all. And it's on like 24/7 because he's doing a subathon. He can be hilariously funny, and very smart, but I'm afraid the vibes he puts off might be fucking with me a bit. It's hard, because I really got pulled into his storylines he's been building, and I really want to see them resolve... But I might have to just... find other media to consume for a bit. Mix it up. Something a bit more emotionally friendly. So maybe that's where my inner bully is feeding from.

I project that so much, and I really want to just chill with it. It's really hard. Like... that fantasy in your head that if you get on stage at a microphone at an open mic night and sing a solo guitar song... somehow you're gonna fuck it up so bad that everyone boos and you have to run out beet-red? Somehow? That kind of social anxiety. Projecting your inner critic/bully - who is literally doing that to you in that moment - onto complete strangers, assuming they're going to act that way. It's hard to shake.

And seeing bad people in the world... it just... reinforces that voice. That it's right, people will act that way.

Fuck, I just have to get around good people. And have good social experiences. I keep ending up around people who just like... throw me under the bus. And I think I'm bad at reading it, seeing it coming or something. So... maybe I'm subconsciously practicing? Studying?

This time of year is usually pretty rough. Lots of difficult anniversaries, and a birthday. This type of thing does tend to happen this time of year, I get a lot more worried and focused on planning... I think, I don't know, I haven't really explored this much. I always felt like it would just turn into a crutch like it does for most people. "I'm just like this this time of year, so deal with it", that kinda thing. I guess it's all in your intentions, in the end.

I'm actually fading. I'm beyond tired. I'm going to try to sleep in the dark tonight. With a salt lamp on, to hopefully make me feel more safe. I really don't feel safe anymore. It's a problem. We'll see what comes in one month. Yep, giant adrenaline spike just thinking about moving, too.

This just feels like exhaustion all around. Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. I'm just... tired. And feel very vulnerable, so I'm very scared. And alone. And all I'd really like is just to like... have someone man the helm while I take a break and recover, protected and helped. With someone at my back. Not just... when I sleep, everyone sleeps. When I sleep, I'm just vulnerable. My body is alone, watched over only by a cat. I'm unconscious, anything could happen. It's... a tough one. But one with no easy fixes, in my life.

Sorry for having it just be darkness and blah tonight. I really just need some positive people time. I'm supposed to go to an art gallery with my mom tomorrow, and I hope I rest up and we do. I need more positive memories, and I need to see the good in the world. And create a bit more.

Crazy to think that my birthday - possibly one of the coolest moments I've had in my life - was just 5 days ago. And I've fallen so far. It's like... once you've had a taste of what life should be like every day? It just makes it so much harder not to have it when you really need it.

So, if you have any spare good vibes to send my way, I'd really appreciate it. I'm in a dark, scary place. And when I recover, I will be more than glad to repay the favor. And throw in some cool art and music, too - to make up for the awkwardness of messaging a stranger. Sound like a deal?

[jeysbvck]

For fic asks, 16-17-1. Muah 💋

ahjdhfjf thank you so much for the ask :)<3

do you write by hand, on your phone or on your laptop? i have a lot of moments where i get an idea randomly, so i write on my phone, then when i'm close to finishing the fic, i'll edit and post using the laptop :)

do you have a writing routine? kinda, i guess! i get a lot of my ideas when i'm trying to sleep, bc insomnia, so i usually write whatever comes into my mind during the night. when i do sit myself down to write, i'll go hideout in my bedroom, put some music on to try and inspire something then i get cracking!

do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the idea hits? i do a little of both really! again, when i'm trying to sleep, i'll daydream about the idea to see where it can lead, but then a lot of the time when i do go to write it, i tend to forget what the idea was! so i've been trying to write as soon as i get the idea, because i can always edit stuff if it doesn't make sense! :) send me an ask about my fanfiction habits! :)

[shrews-things]

Asfajkajdkagska I love you so much ❤️

angel; is there anyone you’d do anything for?

My siblings

galaxy; what fascinates you?

Colours, music, people, nature, the world, everything

melody; favorite artists?

Salvador Dalí, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Claude Monet

silk; what outfit makes you feel confident?

Masculine clothing I think. I don't dress in boyish stuff all the time but I like it when I do

rose; favorite flower?

Sunflowers!

sun; favorite season

Winter

film; favorite movie/tv show?

Good Omens

gorgeous; what do you like in a person?

Listen, I'm a simple person, if someone is kind to me, that's enough. Honestly, kindness is the most important thing imo

diamond; favorite color?

:O do I really need to choose one? I honestly can't. Cadmium yellow, carmine, light green and pastel pink

infatuation; first crush?

I,, can't remember :'). I don't have crushes on people very often and I honestly don't remember who was the first

dream; how long do you sleep on average?

Usually somewhere between 2 and 7 hours

brilliant; what celebrity do people say you look like?

Idk, people never told me I looked like someone

perfume; favorite scent?

Sage!

fleece; have any pets?

I have five cats and two dogs and I love them so much :3

pigment; what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color which one would you choose?

It's a very dark brown. I'd dye it a steel grey if I could but my hair is so dark I'd have to bleach it to be able to dye and I don't wanna do that.

charcoal; do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Yeah, I've always had a good relationship with my mom, and my father was okay too I guess but I don't really remember him tbh

ocean; do you take a yearly vacation?

I'm in school so like, summer vacation

murky; biggest fear?

Loneliness

devotion; are you taken?

Yes, I am taken by five tiny bastard cats if that counts

lingerie; what do you wear to bed?

Pajamas

daydream; best memory?

Again, only one? That's not fair. If I really had to choose one, I'd go with that one night I was stargazing with my best friend and my sister amd we saw lots of shooting stars and it was really pretty

joy; best feeling you’ve ever experienced? 

Idk, happiness? Love?? Pride? Something like that

masque; what’s your skincare routine?

Y'know, I usually just wash my face with cold water twice a day and that's it. Also, I should really stop picking on pimple scabs as a way of stimmimg because it shows lol. My skin isn't very bad but isn't the best either tbh

valentine; best gift you’ve ever received?

My little sister! She was born on my third birthday so she was kinda like a birthday gift. Nobody could ever give me a gift better than that

parchment; favorite book?

Maybe ADSOM by V E Schwab? Or The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. Or the Witcher books by Andrzej Sapkowski (especially the fifth one, Baptism of Fire)

garden; do you have a garden? plants? 

Yeah I have a garden and I love to grow plants, though sometimes I end up killing them. My latest project was trying to grow giant bamboo but it doesn't like the climate and I'm sad, my babies are dying T_T

oasis; dream destination? 

Russia, Norway and Japan. I've been dreaming about going to Saint Petersburg for years now and I hope I can go soon!

sense; best subject? favorite subject?

Hungarian literature, English and history

footprints; do you want kids?

No. Well, maybe but I'd adopt

rainbow; what’s your sexuality?

You see, now that's a good question. Bi or lesbian, I honestly don't know. I'm sure about girls but I'm not so sure about boys

sweater; do you prefer loose or baggy clothes?

Hhhh give me all the oversized stuff, I love it, and anyway I'm smol and I can rarely find clothes in my size so I'm used to wearing stuff two sizes too big

nail laquer; punk or pastel?

Both? Honestly, I like both but if I had to choose I'd go with pastel

1975; if you could time travel to any time period, what would it be and why?

I think I'd stay in the present. Yeah our time is pretty fucked up but the past was fucked up too so I guess I'd stay

tattoos; do you have/want and tattoos and piercings?

I do have piercings, 10 mm ear gauge and a piercing in both ears. I'm thinking about getting a third pair of piercings in my ears but idk. I might get a tattoo someday, but it'd be just something small like those vintage style tiny flower tattoos

@puffyswritings I dare you to answer them too

Also @fortrest only if you want, idk if you like ask games and that kinda things

some pretty asks✨

angel; is there anyone you’d do anything for?

galaxy; what fascinates you?

melody; favorite artists?

silk; what outfit makes you feel confident?

rose; favorite flower?

sun; favorite season

film; favorite movie/tv show?

gorgeous; what do you like in a person?

diamond; favorite color?

infatuation; first crush?

dream; how long do you sleep on average?

brilliant; what celebrity do people say you look like?

perfume; favorite scent?

fleece; have any pets?

pigment; what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color which one would you choose?

charcoal; do you have a good relationship with your parents?

ocean; do you take a yearly vacation?

murky; biggest fear?

devotion; are you taken?

lingerie; what do you wear to bed?

daydream; best memory?

joy; best feeling you’ve ever experienced? 

masque; what’s your skincare routine?

valentine; best gift you’ve ever received?

parchment; favorite book?

garden; do you have a garden? plants? 

oasis; dream destination? 

sense; best subject? favorite subject?

footprints; do you want kids?

rainbow; what’s your sexuality?

sweater; do you prefer loose or baggy clothes?

nail laquer; punk or pastel?

1975; if you could time travel to any time period, what would it be and why?

tattoos; do you have/want and tattoos and piercings?

feel free to reblog and send me some! <3

[xxsammysaurousxx]

04/01/2019

I could make a blog post with a kawaii anime picture and such like I usually do but I have a lot I want to write about so I ended up using my boyfriend’s computer.

I honestly haven’t been doing a lot lately since I’ve been back but spending time with the family and playing phone games. I have so many new and enlightening books I need to read, art that is yet to be made, and things that have yet to be written - like me writing in my actual physical diary which is so rare these days but of which I used to do every single day - but I lack motivation. I could blame it on my disorder. Or I could blame it on being a protagonist. But either way I need to own up to the fact that this is something I am struggling with as my own flaw and I need to put forth the steps to fix this problem because I don’t always want to be this way. Especially since I am an influence to my children. Really I know deep down this lack of motivation stems from my disorder and me not using my strength and assets adequately. I really need to get some professional help but it’s hard to find a health clinic like they had in the country out here in the city. You’d think they’d be easier to find... Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough.

Anyways aside from that things have been going really really really well on the whole relationship and family front. 

Sometimes I’ll still get paranoia and random intrusive and irrational thoughts but for the most part I just try to put them aside and focus on all the good I have in my life because it truly is boundless and limitless. Sometimes it gets so bad though. Like I will actually play out negative scenarios in my head. Kind of like I’m daydreaming but instead of fantasizing about delightful things happening to me I imagine the worst possible things that could happen to me, emotionally. Maybe that is an offset of my PTSD. Maybe the paranoia and delusional visions is my subconscious trying to tell me that I still hold onto fear of being pained again. This is even evident in my day to day life because sometimes I will become suspicious and weary of my partner cheating on me when really I do have so much faith in him and believe that he would never do that to me. But when I get these paranoid thoughts and delusions it’s a different me. Not the real me. And I have to remind this me that it’s all in my head and to have more faith that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me because he truly does love me with all of his heart. Him and I have been through hell and back together and we are still together. We have both changed for the better for each other and through loving each other. 

Ugh there’s so much I want to document here. I am truly loving every single second of this life I am living with Bryan and our little family.

04/03/19

See this is exactly what I mean when I say it takes me forever to sit down and write a blog post. But I just found out I can write in cursive on here so that's pretty cool. I think the size of the font is kinda extra but I'm still going to use it cause I wanna. Anyways. I wish I could document all the moments happening in my life right now. There's so much beauty all around me and in my life every single day. It amazes me sometimes how blessed I am. And then of course Depression/irrational thoughts try to rear their ugly heads. But I have to remember the power and strength I have within myself and my God. There is nothing in this life I can not do. Anything is truly possible with this divine life path I have taken. I just must embrace the divinity of it.

As for my paranoia about my lover... It stems from my own insecurities as well as not being able to let go of the past. If I'm ever going to be truly happy with my man and in this relationship then I need to learn how to just let go of everything I've experienced in the past and just live in the present moment. Be here. Now. Because there is so much beauty in the present and I'm going to miss this one day.

I am going to miss this moment I am living in so much that I will look back on this blog and reminisce. Of when my son was so young - only 3 and a half months - and small and fragile...

How he plays with my hair and fusses when I set him down for too long and just wants to be held. How he holds onto my finger with his tiny hands and his adorable expressions and baby babble.

The other day B and I were taking Jedi somewhere and before leaving we looked into the car seat because the baby was giggling. He stopped when we both looked at him, looked up at us with his beautiful blue eyes, and laughed with us. It made B and I both so joyous. And this morning we were laying in bed with him as we do early in the mornings when he refuses to go back to sleep and he said "dada" and "yeah" & he also said "hi" this morning <3

And of course I'll miss how the first word he ever said was "mama" when he cries for me. This precious child of mine moves my heart to depths I never knew before.

And then my relationship woth B... It's truly the best it's ever been. I've never been so happy nor felt so secure in my whole life. I undwrstand him better especially about the whole not having sex thing because I can now harness my own spiritual energy when we are sexually stagnant. The love we share goes way beyond that of the physical and the relationship we share is truer than any other one ive ever been in. Sometimes I get crazy but I just need to learn to either be mindful of all the blessings and joy I have in my life or don't think at all.

Anyways we have shared a lot of beautiful moments these past two weeks we have been back together. I started playing Pokemon Go with him and we've caught a lot of beautiful sunrises together. The other morning I was looking at the game and B said excitedely "look babe!" & I dumbfoundedly looked up at the most gorgeous bright pink sunrise. It was definitely a good omen.

& This picture definitely does no justice but it will suffice~^0^

We also watched a movie I've been wanting to see on Netflix called The Dirt. You know, the one about Mötley Crüe. Legendary. Anywho I'm really glad we actually got to sit down and watch a movie together. We hardly ever get to do that because B doesn't really have the attention spam for movies, or so he says. He's just not a movie guy but he knows how badly I've been wanting to watch it with him and he canceled his plans woth his friend just to watch it with me. He's the best. He really is. And he deserves all of my love and faith. Unconditionally, just as my God loves me. <3 <3 <3

Oh yes, I'll miss this. The cuddles and warmth in the middle of the night. Being able to hold his hand whenever I need. Being able to talk to him about anything and everything. Going places and making love with him. But hopefully it never ends.

I believe in us. And our beautiful family.

~Xx Sammy Saurous RexX~