#It's so so fascinating in a deeply heartwarming way

[kyouka-supremacy]

The culturally accurate Mikus is the best thing to have happened on the internet ever since Goncharov

[gabbiecasso]

Gwen's Love Language

I'm not sure if anyone noticed it but during the course of drawing a bunch of Miles and Gwen interactions, I always made sure to add subtle hints of Gwen's evident love language in my art.

Physical touch is my lowest love language and seeing Gwen express through touch is so fascinating and heartwarming because when emotions keep failing her, she consistently resolves to hugs. Her dad might have been causing her distress but we've seen her pull him for a hug twice in the film and her emotions seem to settle almost immediately. Color is her connection to us because she can't physically hug the audience to let us know how she feels and so I believe the shifting of colors in the film is her way of hugging us. I love Gwen's universe and the color shifts not because it's pretty but because it helps me understand her.

I'd like to believe I have Synesthesia, I normally would see shapes when I hear particular songs or see colors when I think of a person (it helps me draw a lot), and because of this new perspective that ATSV presented, it's even harder not to see people's colors. It's also suddenly difficult to not see Gwen's colors when she's not in her universe.

Synesthesia is an anomalous blending of the senses

Seeing Gwen's emotions through colors allows us to understand that words aren't her strong suit, we can see how it was difficult for her to confront her father. Her constant desire for affection because she was emotionally disturbed during the first act made me realize how she really (deeply) longed for an interaction with Miles. And even at the near end of ATSV, she wants nothing more than Miles' affection despite her newfound family. But suddenly, the Spider society didn't matter any longer when Miles turned his back on her due to feelings of betrayal.

This is one of the few animated films that remained consistent in portraying the character's love language. So much depth in the character writing!

Idk, just dumping my thoughts here 🛌

[myloveforhergoeson]

ash's july 2024 reading round up

find all the books and fics i read this month under the cut with a link to the synopsis and my reviews/ratings attached :)

this is just for fun! i'm not a professional, i just like to read <3

booklist:

Bride by Ali Hazelwood (18+!)

• aside from the fact that the main character's name is misery, i well and truly enjoyed this book!! i'm such a sucker for any type of vampire-related story, and i absolutely loved what ali hazelwood did in terms of worldbuilding! the implications of human-werewolf-vampyre politics were so interesting, yet easy to understand, and unlike that of any other story i've read. it tied in well to the reasons for vampyre misery's marriage of convenience to the alpha were lowe and had major implications for the overall plot of the story as well. i loved the mystery element and the romance felt so natural and unforced. in reading almost all of hazelwood's other books, i did have a small idea of the formula her stories usually follow, so i was able to clue into some of the twists a bit early, but even then, the mystery just kept unraveling and unraveling and it still kept me hooked until the very end! even with my correct guesses, there was even more i didn't clue into until the very end and i looooved it so much! so unexpected! misery and serena were such a cute and accurate description of best friends. each word of the use "bleech" (bitch + leech - vampyre name calling) was just so funny to me for whatever reason. misery's character development over the course of the story was fascinating, watching her come from a cold and uncaring vampyre society into the interconnected pack mentality of the were's was incredible. all of her actions with lowe's little sister anna melted my heart and exemplified the changes misery was going through to be the person she wanted to be! and of course, her and lowe were so electric and steamy, despite coming from two different worlds and their dedication to each other and their goals was staggering. such a wonderful read, could not recommend enough! i was super worried the supernatural and otherworldly elements would fall flat because hazelwood has thus far written contemporary romance, but i really can't emphasize enough the intricacies and care she put into this one; it really shines through :)

• rating: 5/5 jars of peanut butter

fic list:

first, one i forgot on my list from last month - sorry!

Music of the Spheres, or, Reading is FUNdamental by ItsyRoyal

• SUCH A CUTE JAMES/LOGAN (jagan? lomes? talk about rarepair) fic about learning and music and love and ugh i read it like three times over im just obsessed. highly, highly recommend this lovely story

2. A Million Little Things by @btr-rewatch

• god these boys... the most adorable story about the boys pre-canon highlighting the importance of their friendship <3 kendall gets into a fight defending the other boys from a bully and they rally together to take care of him 😭 some of the best characterization of the boys ever and the displays of care are so them but so tender and ugh. i said this in the comment i left but i feel like btrtv loses a lot of importance on their friendship when the shenanigans come out to play; it was sweet to read here <3

3. Assorted works of @selangkir <333

• Continuation of their Jo/Lucy fic!

• katie & gustavo blurb!

the way you write these familiar characters with your own personal flare never ceases to amaze me. i always think you capture them perfectly and the stories you share always emotionally impact me so deeply. the jo/lucy fic has me kicking my feet and giggling and god i love them so much and i can't wait to read more. the katie & gustavo fic was so funny and heartwarming. the way you see them is so unique and we are lucky you want to share <3

4. Assorted works of @ceruleanmusings :)))

• Big Time Girlfriends - Carlos & Sammi

• No Idea; 1: Miscalculation

• .8

• .9

• Blood Diamond Prologue + Year One

• you had me at pie - mickames

• in sickness and in health - mickames

friend... what can i say that i haven't already? Impeccable storytelling every single time you open your preferred writing platform; i always feel like im right there in the scene with the characters. sensory description is like your bread and butter and i'm just in awe every time you share something. bt girlfriends was so cute - i don't know much about your version of carlos or much about sammi, but the scene at the carnival with the two of them was just adorable. they're such good friends and i love how they're able to help each other out :) miscalculation is gutwrenching, but james and mrs. knight sitting down to have that conversation was necessary and so well navigated. your take on brooke had me screaming into my pillow btw... blood diamond was an incredible read - love baby james <3 and the two mickames stories... god they get me every time. the way you combine the romantic elements with points of mickey and james' pasts and emotions just kills me. truly some of the best writing in the world and i'm not just saying that because i love them so much! the thought you put into your work is always evident and i hope one day i can tell my own stories even half as good as you <3

5. Assorted works of @partiallypearl

• wake up, sunshine

• may you always know you have my hand to hold

• btr girls blurb

• life's what you make it (so let's make it rock)

• hey, hot stuff

pearl!!! ahh!!!!!! the way you were able to take random and simple one-word prompts and turn them into literal works of art is just astounding to me!!! the small three blurb collection was so sweet and showed off the characters personalities so well in such few words. coming from someone literally incapable of writing anything short that just amazes me. i also couldn't get enough of the carlos & logan story gah the boys get me every time... it goes back to what i said in point two lol, the display of their friendship is so uplifting to see and you've just mastered it. and the lucy/logan fic... lots to consider here... i just can't get enough of you and your work!! <3

6. Assorted works of @icegirl2772

• Brontide + Sphallolalia blurb

i know you are busy living your life and working and everything so i will sit and wait patiently for more kaelyn and james content until the end of forever. happy to accept the tiniest of blurbs about them and this one was just too cute! ty for indulging me hehe <3

7. Assorted works of @cant-get-enough-btr-forever

• Big Time Amnesia

!!!! i love your stories so much !!!!! top tier characterization, hilarious dialogue, character-driven stories... god you've got it all up in there. while i'm not typically a fan of the amnesia trope, the way you worked it into the story just had me hooked; poor carlos and his new British ways... and the end had me laughing out loud tbh i know how you feel about logan and his southern accent so the personal touch there made it all the better! tysm for sharing yet another incredible story <3

8. A Field of Blooming Tulips by @bunnyfern

admittedly i was a bit worried the first time i read this story, but after the rework i'm enjoying the story you're developing so much! all the bits and pieces you throw in about crowe have me dying to know more about her and her past, her likes and her dislikes, and seeing her grow and change to fit into her new environment is very well done! she and james 👀 though quite different already have a little spark of chemistry and i'm excited to see where the story takes them!!!

9. MY OWN DAMN STORY

unfortunately i've been reading my own story more than i've been writing my story. rames fan #1 isn't producing rames content fast enough to keep up with her own demand... help!!!!!

[rweiser]

Hi...if you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Y'all I never get asks i'm so excited omg

I could talk forever about my fave ships but I'm gonna try and keep this short by just doing my current fave ships.

Satoru Gojo/Suguru Geto (Jujutsu Kaisen)

I will always be a fan of enemies to lovers, but lovers to enemies who still at the end of the day love each other is just next tier. Satoru and Suguru are a fantastic duo and compliment each other super well, while also managing to share only one brain cell between them. They both have similar goals, but very different views on how to achieve them, and it's in this difference that their tragic conflict arises. Even still, they both deeply care about each other and trust one another until the very end, and I think that's one of the most beautiful aspects of their relationship.

He Tian/Mo Guan Shan (19 Days)

A beautiful enemies to lovers (sort of?) that started off super rocky, but has turned into something so cute and heartwarming. I love how He Tian and Mo Guan Shan don't try to change the other, but do strive to be better for the other, if that makes sense? They accept each other where they are at (the whole idea of not being afraid of darkness), but still try to make themselves better, and work together to do so! He Tian helps Mo Guan Shan out with his school work but also in shouldering the burdens of his personal life, while Mo Guan Shan helps He Tian to open up to others and rely on them for help/comfort too. They started off pretty toxic, but they've grown to be such a good pair.

Vash/Wolfwood (Trigun)

After the whole "I can see it in his eyes" and Wolfwood's ensuing GayPanicTM, how could I not ship these two? But beyond that, these two are another dynamic duo that compliment each other super well, and while they do have similar goals of wanting to save and protect people, they have very different philosophies on how to accomplish that, which is where a lot of their conflict stems from. But in their case, I think their differences balance each other out, because regardless of what they believe personally, neither of them is necessarily right or wrong, and both of their philosophies need to coexist in order for them to survive. I also find their dynamic fascinating in that they both struggle with their humanity in different ways: Vash, striving to be human despite being something other; and Wolfwood, feeling as though he's had his humanity stripped away and forced to become a monster. Because of this, they tend to understand each other in ways that no one else would be able to, and I think they also help each other to see the good and the human in themselves in spite of their respective feelings of alienation.

Osamu Dazai/Chuuya Nakahara (Bungou Stray Dogs)

I literally only started watching this show for them. I kept seeing people posting about THAT scene from Dead Apple and wanted to check it out, and nothing could've prepared me for just how gay their relationship is. Even though they claim to hate each other, these two characters really seem to be all talk. They work so well as a duo (obsessed with how well their abilities compliment each other), and I think they also have a deeper understanding of each other than what any of the other characters would really be capable of--and similar to what I had mentioned with vashwood, this stems at least in part from their questionable relationship with humanity, and how they both need the other to maintain their grip on humanity. Despite being wholly human, Dazai appears to be alienated from his own humanity, whereas Chuuya, who actually houses some sort of god, appears to be the most human of any character in the series. Of course, Dazai needs Chuuya to help him see any value in life, while Chuuya needs Dazai to bring him back to human whenever he fully uses that god-power. Beyond that, I love how much these two still trust each other despite being part of opposing groups, and I'm convinced that these two are BFFs no matter what they or anyone else say.

Kazuki Kurusu/Rei Suwa (Buddy Daddies)

Last but not least, the daddiest buddies you'll ever meet. Again, these two balance each other out super well both personally and professionally, moreso as the series continues. I enjoy that they also seem to accept each other where they are at and have a mutual understanding and trust despite not knowing the full story behind each other's actions and behaviours ("I won't ask"/"I wouldn't tell). But even still, they work together to improve themselves for Miri's sake mostly, but perhaps for each other as well, and I love how they go from feeling trapped in their pasts, incapable of changing, to finally deciding that they're going to change no matter what, and they're going to make a better future for themselves and Mirir regardless of what it takes.

[twothpaste]

Idk if you've covered this before but what are your thoughts on Porky having a movie about Ness n pals? That scene is rapidly spinning around in my noggin

This turns my cerebral matter into a rotisserie chicken on a spit as well. Part of what's so fascinating about it I think is how much we don't know about the film. How did Porky make this thing?? Are the characters we see on screen paid actors, re-enacting the events of EarthBound for his amusement?? Or did he somehow, through timetravel shenanigans or a deranged obsession all those years ago, actually record Ness n' pals' adventures?! Did Porky himself write a script for this movie, or supervise the editing? Is it documentary or dramatization? We don't see any frames that feature Porky - one's gotta wonder how he presents himself on the silver screen. Like, did he clip out all the times he acted like a total scumbag? Did he change them, so that to an audience of suckers, the esteemed King P seems like a hero too? Or is it presented exactly as it happened, 'cause in Porky's eyes, he really was the hero of this story all along?? I feel like a dedicated fan could make a case either way for every one of these possibilities. And all of them carry haunting implications in a bazillion different ways. ( Lots more beneath the cut. )

What we do know is that this movie's mere existence says a lot about Porky's fixation on the past. New Pork especially - but other areas too - is littered with callbacks to EarthBound, loads of shallow & off-kilter recreations of objects & imagery from Porky's childhood. It's as if he's trying to resurrect everything he's nostalgic for, and superimpose it onto a totally different world. Dude's lived a bazillion years, he's probably had all kinds of crazy experiences in that time. But he's still only got eyes for Ness, and Onett, and that one very special adventure. He's grandly presenting his origin story to a generation of future-people, and presumably expects them to be just as terminally nostalgically enthralled as he is. But these people don't have the context to know what it means. They can't grasp it as anything other than a cartoonishly wacky adventure film. They probably don't even know it's depicting real events (however skewed it may or may not be)! Or that these child heroes almost definitely grew old and died ages ago. The thought of Porky putting forth something so important to him, something that means fucking everything to him - and his flock of brainwashed followers just not getting it at all - is like??? Boil me down into soup and stir the pot around. Pour me in a Campbell's can and don't open it until the end of the world. Agh.

This applies just as much, maybe especially so, to Lucas. Something about it always feels deeply unnerving to me, when I reach New Pork's movie theater on replays. Piloting Lucas n' company to stand there, in the dark, juxtaposed in front of a past they can't possibly comprehend. A past we, as players of this series, identify so strongly with! But our new protagonist flat out just isn't a part of that old world. He's got nothing to do with it, and no clue who Ness is. His fight with Porky is so present and personal… I don't think Lucas is carrying on a mantle here, even symbolically. Porky wants very badly for him to be the new Ness, a worthy opponent who'll "play" with him, to rekindle the same adrenaline he felt when he last fought his old friend. But Lucas is his own person with his own motives. And he's not playing, either. You press A in front of that screen, and you get nothing special in terms of flavor text. 'Cause it doesn't mean anything to Lucas. Porky's memories simply aren't Lucas' baggage.

There are a lot of moments in Mother 3 that turn nostalgia on its head. Makin' stuff that oughtta feel familiar and heartwarming turn queasy in your tummy instead. Making you reconsider why you cling to childhood memories, and whether or not they blind you to future possibilities - like they do for Porky. The movie theater's probably my favorite of these moments.

[queer-coded-camaro-driver]

The #1 Reason Stranger Things Fell Apart, an Essay:

**All things stated below are my personal OPINION and do not have to impact your views if you don't want them to. As an avid D&D player, however, I wanted to write this out for shits n giggles. I was in the mood. This also doesn't address the racism, badly handled character intros, or random B-character deaths.

There is one rule to rule them all in Dungeons & Dragons, a rule so vital to smooth gameplay and story-building that the smartest players know to break it almost certainly means death:

Never split the party.

(There's an entire song about it, that's how deeply engrained in the culture it is).

Once the party has been separated it's not only way easier for your characters to get ambushed/get in trouble/die, it's way harder for all members of the game to keep having the same level of fun! Usually because the wait time between turns and plot development causes players to lose interest or lose track of their last actions.

When it comes to Season 1 of Stranger Things, we have multiple groups of characters building plots together: Nancy, Steve, Jonathan, and the other teens have their drama together. Hopper and the investigation into Hawkins' weird science has its own plot. Will's disappearance and the children hiding El are the main focus - and those groups are almost NEVER narratively separated.

These plots are interwoven to create the greater story and build suspense but the groups within are constantly orbiting around one another to strengthen those connections. Despite my current beef with the Duffers, Season 1 was pretty damn successful in following the Golden Rule of TTRPG.

So when S2 arrives and the process of El's reunification with Mike/the Party gets dragged out further than necessary, all that yummy tension dissipates. Rather than using the established relationships to scaffold new conflicts (Mike/El, Mike/Max(?), Max & Lucas' crush/truce, Dustin's frustration, Will's loneliness, etc.), they broke these load-bearing narratives into smaller "more digestible" chunks.

As S3 and S4 went on, the group fractured even further apart. With this separation came the loss of critical character traits. Mama Byers' beloved velcro-mothering disappears in the face of Hopper's potential survival. Jonathan and Nancy's class disparity falls out of the story despite being one of the more interesting aspects of the "Teen Drama".

Max slips away, Lucas slips away, Dustin and Mike join the Hellfire Club... I know these shifts are meant to represent the way things change in high school but the clique-forming is so fast and drastic by S4 that the Party is unrecognizable.

The Duffers lost serious momentum when they split the party the first time by sending El to Chicago to meet her retconned siblings. But rather than learning from this mistake, they tried doing it a different way over and over until the compiled failures led to... Whatever the fuck is going on right now.

They COULD have done some fascinating stuff with Will and Billy's birthdays marking the dates of the first and final episodes of S4, Vol 1 respectively. They share a name and they were both Flayed. That could have been SUCH a cool coincidence to play with. Yet somehow the fans noticed their timeline mistake before they did, ffs.

They could have done some cool stuff with the Upside Down and Billy and Max getting a heartwarming sibling redemption arc. The 4 OG Party guys could have talked through a legit heart-to-heart about growing up and finding new interests but staying friends, Breakfast Club style.

But no. We got whatever the fuck the Henry Creel stuff was/is/will be. It's not the worst possible writing they could have done, but that element could have been incorporated with so much creativity and class... Yet it got shoehorned between several other developing ideas instead.

And honestly I don't think any of the massively laggy sub-plots with Joyce and Russia and Hopper in jail and Dustin's Mormon girlfriend's stoner sister would have happened if the Duffers had simply followed the rules and never split the party.

[firelxdykatara]

So I just got into Unicorn: Warriors Eternal (obviously), I was gonna pace myself on episodes but then I just kept watching but at least there should be another one soon lmao ANYWAY THOUGH I have some preliminary thoughts.

I am absolutely fascinated by the dynamics presented here. There's a lot of messy potential in the way none of their reincarnations worked quite right, but the only one of them who has a true FIGHT for their new identity is Melinda/Emma/Emmelinda and I think that's both telling and tragic. Edred seems to be the one who is the most "himself" in terms of his identity being the most recognizable (though I suspect his current personality was affected by the merge considerably more than usual, as he seems far less stoic than he was in his previous lives--which makes me wonder if Dimitri will make another appearance), while Seng feels the most actualized--he has the mind of a child but the cosmic awareness and connection of his reincarnation, but there still don't seem to be any traces of "Alfie" there (especially given what we saw of him before he got seng-ified).

But Emma is fighting. She is the only one of the three original hosts still struggling to maintain her own sense of self and identity. It is interfering with Melinda's ability to control her powers, but given how we saw her powers corrupt her mother in the past, I wonder if that might not be for the better. I wonder if the show is going to turn all of this on its head--the writing has been surprisingly clever (and far more emotional than i expected, eps 4 and 5 had me bawling), and it's an adult cartoon not a kid's show, so I wonder if we're not meant to suspect that there's more to the current set up than might be assumed at first glance.

In the flashback to Melinda's childhood, Morgan (and her parents being Merlin and Morgan le Fay tickled me pink) is immediately incensed that Merlin lied to her about their daughter having magic--he says "I knew your intentions", and it's framed like we're supposed to think that he believed Morgan would use her magic for evil. But perhaps she was telling the truth when she said she only wanted to protect their daughter--and given that it seemed to have almost a self-awareness not wholly connected to Melinda herself, I wonder if the more malicious or devious parent was actually Merlin, which would explain him immediately turning on his own child and blaming her for what had just happened even though it was not her fault.

(And so tragic and heartwarming in equal measure that Emma spent the next episode trying to convince Melinda that it wasn't her fault, despite the echo of what have you done ringing in her subconscious over every life she lived the past thousand years. Despite Emma's understandable resentment of the situation she's been forced into, she is a deeply compassionate soul and I think that perspective is what Melinda has been lacking for so long. She has been fighting evil [on her father's say-so] for over a thousand years and yet lost sight of what she was truly fighting to protect. It is telling that she had such trouble making herself access her powers the episode after chasing down the fox lady and terrifying that woman and her baby.)

Emma herself is interesting to me, because while reluctant chosen ones tend to start grating on me very quickly, the fact is that she can't resist the call for long--Melinda quite literally will not let her--but she provides a humanizing element to this fight that otherwise had not been present in who knows how many centuries. At the same time, lives are on the line and every time she tries too hard to balk at using her powers and taking up the mantle, she manages to make the situation worse. (See: bringing up the kraken instead of busting through that barrier herself, resulting in Copernicus' destruction)

And then, of course, there's the romantic entanglements. (I'm very much on Edred's side here if that weren't already obvious. Winston may get points when he goes all wolfed out but at the end of the day, it's white-haired pretty elfboy and his goth wife for me all day every day.)

I don't agree with a lot of the sentiments i saw while scrolling through the tag--Edred has very good reason to be pressuring Melinda (Emmelinda) to accept her powers and fucking use them already, because, again, lives are on the line constantly with this Evil around fucking things up and terrorizing the city and killing people. Plus, of the three of them, he's the one with the clearest memories of his own past. He has a thousand years of fighting this fight with his wife by his side, and I think quite apart from how fucked up things got with the reincarnations this go-round, he doesn't know how to FUNCTION without her. A thousand years is tough to let go, especially when they've done this whole song and dance so many times before and it was always relatively smooth sailing--a quick merge and then fighting on as if no time had passed at all. Of course he believes Emma is holding his wife back, not allowing her to reach her full potential with her powers OR their shared past--she's the only uncommon factor!

("She's not yours anymore" may have been a bit petty, but he wasn't trying to gloat there--I don't think he was even really expressing jealousy or possessiveness. He was delivering a hard truth. I wonder how many times in the past they were awoken inside bodies and souls that did have entire other lives planned out. Families. Children. We know they had descendants after awakening, given the quasi-doppelgangers that tried to tell the police chief the truth about them early on, but I wonder how many times they awoke, went to each other, and had to tell someone who loved them--who perhaps they had loved in return--that their husband or wife or mother or father was gone and never coming back. I think Edred was trying to tell Winston to accept the inevitable before he got hurt even worse.)

All that said, this time is obviously very different. It may be the key to breaking the cycle once and for all. There may be key truths they could never have learned while operating the way they had been, executing Merlin's 'flawless' strategy. I think, in the end, Emma and Melinda may have to find some common ground--as it sits of course there is prime fodder for fics exploring the consent or lack thereof involved in a dynamic like this, and I'm fully on board for Emma starting to catch some of Melinda's feelings in spite of herself and allowing Edred in, allowing herself to feel for him.

That half-second where Edred saw Melinda's spirit and she said his name before being shoved back into the custody battle for Emma's body--that hit me where it hurts. I have to believe they'll find some way to come back together. Especially given that brief but delicious shot of Emmelinda going absolutely berserk after seeing Edred get hurt.

(Meanwhile, my kingdom for fics exploring Melinda getting sick of waiting and just taking over completely. Emma stuck along for the ride and not at all sure she hates it as much as she should. I'm just saying, it'd be delicious.)

[ardenrabbit]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

What a fun question! Thank you for asking! I think I already answered an ask about favorite characters, but here's a list of some of my favorite media in no particular order 💜

1. Avatar the Last Airbender: If you didn't grow as a person if/when you watched atla I just don't know what to say to you. Watch it again I guess? Learn self-love and empathy and healthy coping tactics

2. Lord of the Rings, by Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien, especially Peter Jackson's Fellowship of the Ring, Extended Version: Favorite movie. Nostalgia factor. Gandalf. Viggo Mortensen ruining all other men for me. Boromir being a Good Man. The soundtrack of this movie is Home to me.

3. The Goblin Wood, book by Hilari Bell: Friendship, magic, and angry, vengeful witches. Anti-colonialism. Great take on magic. Questioning dogma and learning how not to be a cop. A crotchety goblin named Cogswhallop who is my best friend.

3. Big Fish: Movie with Albert Finney, Ewan Mcgregor, and Marion Cotillard my beloved. Whimsical, heartwarming, and profoundly bittersweet story about people learning to communicate and share in each other's lives. I really just fucking love this movie.

4. ⭐ A Silent Voice: Japanese animated movie about a former bully learning to not hate himself, a deaf girl learning self-worth, and a lot of people learning to be friends. Fucking stunning visuals and music. Another profoundly bittersweet one with a happy ending, and one I wish I'd seen earlier in my life. Content warning: two suicide attempts.

5. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu: Chinese web novel with several adaptations, about a lot of fascinating topics with oceans of nuance because MXTX is a genius tbh, but largely about questioning convention and doing the right thing, the different ways in which people can love, the meanings of bravery, and some zombies. I also love her novel Tian Guan Ci Fu but have to analyze the themes a little more before I can confidently talk about what it means? It's fucking incredible though (and like twice as long lol)

6. No. 6, by Atsuko Asano: Japanese web novel with a manga and anime adaptation (manga is the best): honestly just a fun time about destroying The System with gay love and bees. Deuteragonist is an edgy dumbass who lived in a cave, blows up government vehicles, and quotes too much Shakespeare. To this day I am endlessly entertained by Nezumi.

7. The Kingkiller Chronicles, by Patrick Rothfuss: Book series comprising The Name of the Wind and Wise Man's Fear. Someday will include the final book, Doors of Stone. Epic fantasy story about a bard-rogue-wizard with delusions of grandeur giving his memoir after all the damage he's caused. Involves the COOLEST magic systems in one world, does an amazing job of establishing a truly low-fantasy-feeling but simultaneously deeply mystical environment, and has exactly the kind of compelling eccentricity that I love in characters. Beautifully poetic prose.

8. Dragon Age: rpg video game series about a series of Unfortunate World Events. You play a different character in each game, the protagonist at the center of one catastrophe or another, and they all tie in beautifully in the overall world story progression. The characters you meet are multidimensional and SO worth analyzing, because they're all fascinating and flawed people (except Varric Tethras, who is Perfect and The Love of my Life (my wife knows and accepts this)).

9. ⭐ Gates of Fire, by Steven Pressfield: Okay, FUCK THIS BOOK for being about the battle of Thermopylae where you know EXACTLY how that ended for the defending army and MAKING YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THE CHARACTERS ANYWAY. Insanely well-researched historical fiction. Sympathetic to the subject and emotionally and socially insightful to a devastating degree. The best representation of the camaraderie and friendship in warrior culture without all the awful macho bullshit we've come to expect and loathe. They really ask the question "what is the opposite of fear" and come to the answer "love." I have broken down sobbing while reading a story three times in my life, and TWO of those times were from this book. Seriously, fuck this book. I will never write half as well as Steven Pressfield.

10. ⭐ It's Such a Beautiful Day, by Don Hertzfeldt: Remember the animation show on YouTube, that absurdist hand-drawn animation with the robots? Yeah that guy made a whole emotionally gutting, bittersweet movie about the nature of life and coming to terms with the end of it. Intergenerational trauma, chronic illness, and a lot of introspection. Beautifully paced storytelling. This is an Important Movie. It's not immediately stylistically accessible to everyone, but seriously, open your heart and branch out. This movie made me a little more whole.

If I had to pick three of these to shove in people's faces, it would be the starred and red ones lol. Not enough people know about them or have taken the time to appreciate them.

[luciusspriggss]

you can only listen to one album. watch one movie. watch one tv show. read one book. eat one food; for the rest of your life. what are your choices?

i cant believe you've done this

ooookaaaaay

album: i am going to have to go with:

three cheers for sweet revenge by my chemical romance.

i can sing to it, i can cry to it, and i can find joy in it. i also have many memories connected to this album, so when i do listen to it, i will be able to connect to many aspects of my past.

movie: if it is one singular movie:

whisper of the heart

it is so heartwarming, a little ridiculous, and inspiring. a story about finding yourself as well as someone you want to be with? i'm ALWAYS down for a story like that. i like many movies, but if i had to pick one for the rest of my life, it would be one that brings warmth to my heart <3

if it can be a series:

the lord of the rings trilogy

it's got adventure, fantasy, and deep connections (and a LOT of homoeroticism). these movies always bring me great comfort and make me feel good.

tv show: eesh this one is really hard. i want to say our flag means death, but i dont know what is going to happen so i cannot say for sure.

hmmmmmmm

in its place, i would say the good place OR golden girls.

i have seen lots of brilliant television. but i am highly susceptible to having nightmares based on the media i consume. so if i had to pick one, it would be one that is so lovely and makes me cry happy tears.

book: if it is one singular book:

the things they carried by tim o'brien.

it is a collection of war stories set during and after being deployed to fight the vietnam war. however, tim o'brien is a vietnam vet himself. before he was drafted he would attend war protests, and in later interviews has said some damning things about the united states. the book itself is fascinating. it is written that it is a "true story". it is truth in that each story gives the reader the feeling of what actually happened to the character. the philosophy is that sometimes when saying explicit objective truth, people wont be able to empathize or understand, therefore you need to add something to your truth to get the desired effect of being known. i love analyzing that book.

if it can be a book series:

the hunger games trilogy by suzanne collins.

i feel like these books have been discussed a lot on tumblr, but essentially i choose it because despite all the horrors and trauma, in the end, peace is found. i also experience trauma the same way as katniss, so far as also watching my sister die in front of me and everything collapsing in my life immediately after, and i think she is neurodivergent. it could be cptsd, it could be autism, but regardless of what it is, i understand her. i also deeply love peeta mellark. and if i am going to be able to live out the fantasies in my head, this book series helps me do that.

food: this is going to be boring, but probably a drained can of chickpeas with a red-wine vinaigrette mixed in with it.

i love food so much. i am definitely a sensitive seeker type autistic when it comes to food. but realistically, something i know i can eat everyday without getting sick of it, is what i mentioned above lol.

[mischievouslittlecreature]

I've had this saved in my reading list for such a long time, Brummie! I'm sorry that it took me so long to get to actually reading it!

The opening with her mother was really fascinating, and makes me really curious about her home life. Her mom seems to be really strict and a piece of work. Having to deal with so much fussing has to be tiring.

Seeing them all so young and carefree was the cutest thing I've ever read. They're so light and happy here! The way that you write Arthur in particular is just hilarious! He had me in stitches with nearly every sentence. I loved how you executed the whole situation with the dog!

The scene in the closet skfjsdkgdksghfdgkh they are too perfect together. The chemistry between Tommy and Reader is just insane. There's something so easy and carefree about their entire relationship. It's so heartwarming to see Tommy being so happy and playful, and I liked how you had him laughing a lot with her. It's a nice callback to Polly's line in s1 about how Tommy used to laugh a lot.

The cuddling in the vardo! 🥹 I just want them to be happy and together forever! I can feel how deeply they both felt for each other.

The flash forward ten years gutted me. What happened between them!? 😭😭😭 To go from them discussing what they would be doing in ten years to seeing just how different the actual reality was was such a punch to the gut. And Reader's feelings are so clearly there, but Tommy is so cold and distant....we're only on chapter 1, how can my heart already be broken!?

I can't wait to read the rest of the series! This first part was amazing and I can already tell that the rest if going to be equally as good! 😍

MASTERLIST

Hopelessly Devoted (PART ONE)

Summary: A flashback to when you and Tommy were young, carefree and smitten with one another plays out in your head as you sit alone in the Garrison, watching him now in the arms of another woman whilst you desperately hold onto the love you still have for him. Does Tommy share the same sentiments or has his bitterness towards you stained the love he claims he no long has for you?

Warnings: Language, angst, fluff, mutual pining

Authors note: Inspired by the song "Hopelessly Devoted" by Olivia Newton-John. RIP sweet angel.

"We're bloody late again!" your mother muttered under her breath as she hurried up the church steps holding onto her hat from the bitter January wind whilst you are your little brother George, lovingly known as Georgie walked behind her. "Ten minutes until we leave I said" she huffed turning around, scowling at you as you rolled your eyes in response. "Ten minutes! In the time it took for you to put your dress on I had swept the porch and gotten your brother ready. Why did you give me such an unruly child?" she said looking up to the heavens expecting some sort of response. "Out all hours gallivanting about with those Shelby boys, never listening to a word I say. I'm being punished aren't I, for the sins of her father...the bloody fool he was, drinking himself to an early grave, leaving me here to fend for myself with two kids..." she carried on as you held your little brothers hand, a small sigh leaving his mouth as he looked up at you, shaking his head at your mother's relentless rambling. " Y/N let me look at you. Bloody hell child, you look a state!" she frowned as she turned to face you at the top of the steps.

"Can you just stop" you said trying to move her hands away as she pushed your hair back behind your ears, pinching your cheeks to give them a rosy glow. "Look at your dress..." she huffed as she straightened the bottom out, pulling at the frilly pink fabric whilst your little brother reached up to open the church door. "Stay still!" she said as you started fidgeting away from her hands, her overbearing mothering making you feel like you was eight years old again.

" For god's sake I'm not a kid!" you replied rather loudly when the doors fully opened and everyone in their seats turned around to look at the commotion. "Shit" you mumbled under your breath as you looked to the sea of eyes now staring back at you, the loud bang of the church door slamming against the brick wall startling you as your little brother giggled in amusement.

" Bloody Walk Y/N" your mother said through gritted teeth behind you as she took her and George's hat off. Smiling graciously left to right at the people seated along the outer rows your mother politely mouthed small hellos and good mornings as all three of you made your way down the aisle, her normal vocabulary filled with a plethora of her favourite profanities not once leaving her lips. Turning your head you quickly spotted Tommy sitting next to his family with a huge grin on his face, loving every second of the embarrassment he knew you was enduring. As the sound of your heels on the stone floor echoed loudly through the church, your entrance now the focus point of everyone's attention, you finally reached the alter with the Reverend stood beside it. You could almost feel the laughter Tommy and Arthur were holding back as your mother pushed you forward to bow. With a grunt leaving your throat you lowered your head, a small mischievous glint in your eye at the sudden, yet stupid idea to prove to your mother how unruly of a child you really was.

" Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been mere hours since I last pissed my mother off..." You said dramatically as your mother's eyes widened in embarrassment a gasp leaving her mouth as she grabbed you by the arm and span you back around, all while apologising profusely to the Priest now shaking his head at her. Oh the shame, the humiliation, she would never live this down. The gossip she would have to endure for months in the women's wash house was a fair consolation for her making you wear this god awful dress you proudly thought to yourself as you walked to find a seat. Sighing the Reverend lowered his eye as he turned the page of his sermon, longing to be appointed somewhere, anywhere out of Small Heath. No number of hail Mary's could save this sinful town. As you walked down the aisle the sudden sound of Tommy and Arthur laughing had you biting your inner cheek holding back your own amusement as you watched Polly snap her head in their direction.

" Shut up" Polly whispered as she reached over hitting each of them in the chest. "Bloody kids" she mouthed sympathetically to your mother as you all walked by.

" Girlfriend finally made it" Arthur whispered in Tommy's ear, knowing full well how smitten he was with you.

" Shes not my girlfriend, shut it" he muttered under his breath as you sent him a small wave which he quickly returned.

" Hi ya" Arthur laughed mocking him.

" Fuck off Arthur" Tommy replied as he elbowed him in the ribs leaving him wincing in pain.

" I'll let you have that one baby brother" he laughed rubbing his side.

" No fucking swearing in church!" Polly said quietly through gritted teeth as she hit the back of Tommy's head. It was always an eventful service when the Shelby's attended, which made you wonder what they had done to have their Aunt force them this time.

Walking out into the fresh air, free from the stuffy confines of the church you pushed back your hair behind your shoulders folding your arms as you faced the sun. Closing your eyes you sighed as the rays of light beamed onto your skin. With summer still a long way off you was enjoying the rare event in which the sun broke through the smoke filled skies of Small Heath. That was until you felt the warmth disappear and a large shadow take it's place. Opening your eyes you was met with Tommy Shelby standing right in front of you, a cigarette precariously hanging on the corner of his mouth, grinning from ear to ear.

" Get out the way you're blocking the sun" you said as you pushed him to the side closing your eyes again.

" Hmm, you are looking rather pasty"

" Thanks Thomas, you really know how to compliment a lady" you said taking the cigarette out his mouth as you walked over to sit on the brick wall just outside the church.

"Lady?" Tommy laughed as he sent you a cheeky smile." Nice dress by the way. You look like a flower girl"

" Shut up" you said playfully hitting his arm in response, hating everything about the overly embroidered puffy dress you were begrudgingly wearing. " Have you seen yourself?" you smirked looking down at his outfit "Think your Aunt needs to shorten those" you laughed as you nodded to the ends of his trousers bunched up around his boots.

" They're Arthur's hand-me-downs, the lanky git" he said kicking a stone on the ground that you both watched roll into the road.

" So what did you do this time to end up here on a Sunday morning?" You asked as you turned your head to face him.

" Aunt Pol found out Arthur stole one of the candelabras from the Reverends study. Convinced himself it was solid gold, you should have seen his face when we melted it down in Charlie's yard and it was copper" Tommy laughed as he looked back at you. " Polly was furious said he had sinned enough for the whole house and we were all damned to hell if we didn't come today" he explained further as his eyes lingered on your face, watching the way your nose scrunched up as you laughed, a sight he never got tired of. " So you coming later?" he asked leaning into you as he took his cigarette now stained with pink lipstick back from between your fingers, not that he minded.

" No absolutely not. Do you not remember the last time we followed one of Arthur's genius ideas?" you answered folding your arms having already made your mind up.

" He's got a map this time. Come on it will be fun" he said nudging his arm against yours.

" A map to what?"

" To where this rich fuck has all his liquor stored"

"Can I come?" John said running up to you both after overhearing the conversation, poking his brothers knee with a stick in attempt to get his attention which Tommy quickly put a stop to by giving him a kick in the shin.

" No, fuck off " Tommy said pushing him away from in front of him as John stormed off crying in search of his Aunt. " So how about it? "

" Fine, but only because it's your birthday tomorrow" you said giving in as you both smiled to eachother. "But this better be fool proof. I can't risk getting in trouble with my mum again, she's a few breaths away from kicking me out"

" That's alright, you can come live with me" he said winking to you as you looked up at him through your lashes, blushing a darker shade of pink than your dress." We'll come by to get you at eleven, don't be late ok? "

" I'm never late" you responded as Tommy rolled his eyes flicking his cigarette onto the ground. If there was one thing he had learnt over the years it was that you was always late.

" Thomas Michael Shelby! " Polly shouted as she stormed over to you both, dragging John with her by the arm.

"Shit. Right I'm off" Tommy said quickly pecking your cheek as he jumped over the wall running away from his Aunt. Bringing your hand up to your face you pressed your fingers to your skin, a smile dancing on your lips as you turned around to watch Tommy run into the back alleys of Small Heath, fleeing from the fury coming his way. Thomas Michael Shelby your best friend, your partner in crime and also the boy you had been head over heels for as long as you could remember. What a sorry story your limited love life had already been, endlessly pining for a boy you had convinced yourself only saw you as a friend, desperately hoping he felt the same.

It was just after noon when you Tommy and Arthur made your way over the wooden fencing onto the large mansions land. Having never once left the city limits in all of your eighteen years of life you was taken aback by the sheer size of the house in front of you. Surrounded by luscious green grass, rows of trees adorning its drive way, you was sure it was something only seen in films, a far cry from the mud and dirt of Small Heath.

" Give me the map" Tommy said as Arthur handed it to him whilst he looked over the brick wall separating you and the owner who was outside sitting in a garden chair.

"Arthur he has a dog. A mean looking thing" you said as Tommy stood beside you squinting at the map in his hand.

"Yeh well, he would have still been out with that dog hunting, but you were late" Tommy interjected with a smile on his face, having been right about your constant tardiness.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist Y/N, I've been coming here every day for the past week feeding him leftovers, he likes me. He won't make a peep " Arthur said trying to reassure you as you rolled your eyes at him knowing anything the eldest Shelby said was not to be trusted and far from the actual truth.

" Jesus Christ Arthur" Tommy said throwing the map at his brothers chest. " This is a fucking map for a house in London!"

" Ay?" Arthur said as he straightened it out in front of him. " Where's it say that? " he asked as Tommy snatched it back from him pointing at the words "London" written right underneath the name of the house.

" Well how was I supposed to bloody know. They should have put it at the very top"

" It's in fucking capitals Arthur, how can you not..."

" Right I'm going home" you said as the two brothers continued to argue. As always Arthur's ideas were never properly thought out, often getting you in trouble more than anything else.

" Wait Y/N no, come on stay" Tommy said as he looked back to his older brother widening his eyes in gesture to help him convince you not to leave.

" Y/N " Arthur said as he put his arm around your shoulder. " We're at the back entrance. He probably keeps it down in the basement, it won't be far. You're the only one small enough to shimmy through the window to open the lock on the other side. Come on, dont let us down, it's Tom's birthday tomorrow. "

" Fine. But if I put another ladder in my stockings you're paying for a new pair" you said pointing to him as Arthur placed a wooden crate below the window for you to stand on.

"Atta girl" Arthur said as he turned his head around winking to Tommy as you climbed through the window, quickly making in through to the other side. Pushing past his brother, Tommy went to open the door when the dog Arthur promised wouldn't bark suddenly started to do exactly that.

" Hey! Who's there?" the owner said as you all ran into the house. " Get 'em boy" he shouted as his dog came charging round the corner into the building.

" Fucking traitor! After all the food I gave you" Arthur shouted as you all ran down the hall, making your way up to the second level.

" What did you feed him with?" you asked breathlessly as you ran beside them, Tommy's hand resting on your back making sure you didn't get left behind.

"Sprouts"

"Sprouts!" You and Tommy both shouted looking back at him.

" It's all we had"

" No wonder he bloody hates you" Tommy said as all three of you came to a stop behind a wall waiting for a maid to walk by.

" Sniff them out" the owner said as you heard the sound of the dogs nails clicking on the wooden floorboards, getting closer by the second.

" Shiiit, run! Hide! Arthur giggled as you legged it down one of the second floor corridors, Tommy quickly pulling you into a small storage room to the side as Arthur continued to run down the hall. Breathless, you both looked up at eachother as a fit of laughs left your lips. Bringing his finger up to his mouth Tommy gestured for you to be quiet as the sound of the owner walking along the corridor quickly brought your giggles to a stop. Taking in your surroundings you suddenly realised how close you were to eachother. Cardboard boxes were stacked as high as the ceiling all around you, there was barely enough space for one person let alone two.

" Is he gone?" you whispered to which Tommy nodded, his eyes looking over you as he too started to realise how close you were to one another." You're taking all the space" you said trying to free yourself from the uncomfortable position you was in.

" Y/N my backs pushed up against the door. I don't have any more room to move" he said as you huffed in response moving your arm that was stuck between you to the side. Silence fell upon the small room as you continued to fidget in place whilst Tommy cleared his throat, his eyes darting between you and the surrounding boxes.

" What? Why do you keep looking at me like that" you said with a thrown on your face.

" I'm not looking at you like anything" Tommy replied as he quickly glanced away. With your focus now elsewhere, Tommy's eyes drifted down to both of your bodies pressed up against eachother, biting his inner cheek in attempt to rid himself of all the thoughts going through his mind. Taking in every delicate feature of your face, Tommy felt his heart quicken as he continued to stare down at you. God you were beautiful, he had been wanting to tell you those very words for years, wanted to ask you out, tell you how he felt. But unlike his old brother who seemed to have endless amounts of confidence when it came to girls, Tommy never found the courage to make a move. Instead he begrudgingly tormented himself, watching all the boys of Small Heath try their luck with you.

" You're doing it again, stop it!" you said squinting your eyes as you looked up to see him still staring down at you. " You're making me nervous"

" What else am I supposed to look at, you're right in front of me " he said with a small sigh. Just ask her you idiot, he thought to himself as he peered at you in the corner of his eye.

" Y/N erm, I was wondering..." he started to say when you grabbed his hand your eyes widening in a panic.

" Shh. Did you hear that?" You said as you looked behind him to the door.

" Its just a window blowing open" he replied as he glanced down at your hand still holding onto his. Throwing his head back Tommy shook his head, frustrated that the moment he had finally found the courage to ask you out you had cut him off. Bringing his eyes back down to look at you, Tommy took a deep breath. If he couldn't say how he felt he would show it. What was the worse that could happen?

" Fuck it" he said as he cupped your cheeks crashing his lips onto yours. For a brief moment you resisted taken by surprise at Tommy's unexpected move until your whole body finally relaxed and you quickly melted into the kiss. There was no technique to it, wet, messy, all tongues and teeth. But as your lips interlocked you felt a flutter of butterflies fill your stomach, your hands finding their way to his shoulders as Tommy enthusiastically pushed you back the few centimeters remaining between you and the wall behind you.

" Owh" you said as your head hit the wall, the thump loud enough for anyone to hear.

" Shit, sorry" Tommy said as a small giggle escaped your mouth at his overly keen display. Pressing your lips back onto his the kiss was smoother, a small whimper leaving your throat as his tongue brushed over yours. Moaning, Tommy's hand dropped from your waist to your leg as his fingers travelled under you skirt grazing over your suspenders. Things were getting heated, very heated.

" Wait, Tommy I've, i'm a.."

" Fuck sorry, I wasn't trying to" Tommy awkwardly said cutting you and himself off. " Wait, you're a Virgin?" he asked with a small smile etched on the corner of his lips his brows slightly raised.

" Why do you look so surprised? " you answered back, your whole face scrunched up in annoyance.

" No nothing. It's just I didn't think you was...you know" he replied unable to formulate his own words.

" Oh and you're not? You really think I believed that ridiculous story you told us all last summer about how you gave Irene five orgasms in ten minutes" you scoffed with a laugh as Tommy's cheeks suddenly went a crimson shade of red, his hands dropping from your waist.

" Jesus...thanks Y/N" Tommy said looking away with a huff unable to physically move away from the embarrassment surrounding him.

" Slightly exaggerated don't you think? " you giggled as Tommy looked back at you, his hands now on his hips.

" You done?" he huffed as you bit your bottom lip trying to hold back the laugh that was seconds away from escaping. As Tommy pressed his lips back onto yours the small giggle unable to contain itself finally broke free.

" Stop it, I'm trying to concentrate" he said smiling into your lips as he continued to kiss you, his hands roaming over the curves of your body when the door suddenly flew open.

" Oi oi, what's going on in here then? " Arthur said grinning at you both as you let go of eachother. Rolling your eyes you walked out the small room pushing past him the box of whisky and leg of ham he was holding. "Get to second base baby brother?" Arthur sniggered as Tommy thumped him in the arm.

" Fuck off Arthur" Tommy pouted leaving the room and his older brother in fits of laughter. Both barely out the door, your eyes widened as the owner and his dog turned the corner.

" You little bastards. I've seen your faces. I know who you are! You're those trouble making Shelby boys. And look, you've brought your little whore with you, that dead drunk idiot's daughter. How did you petty little thieves make it out of Small Heath, steal a car?"

" Hey! Nobody gets to call her a whore but us" Arthur warned the owner pointing his finger at him as Tommy protectively pushed you behind him. Now in a stand-off between the owner and his drooling dog growling at you, you watched as he unclasped the large metal chain from the dogs collar.

" Go on boy get 'em!" he commanded when Tommy grabbed the leg of ham out the crate in Arthur's arms, launching it in the dog's direction.

" My bloody ham!" Arthur said, furious his dinner had been tossed to the the very dog he felt had betrayed him.

" Run!" Tommy shouted as you all turned around.

" I'm calling the police!"

" Thanks for the whisky old man" Arthur laughed running down the stairs as you and Tommy followed behind him, mentally noting never to follow one of Arthur's ideas again.

Several hours had passed and you Tommy, Arthur and a girl he had picked up along the way were sitting around a campfire in the local woods where Arthur and Tommy's families two vardos were, sipping on the finest whisky you had ever tasted. You couldn't remember the amount of times they had brought you out here to camp, taking you away for a brief moment from the smoke filled air, from the memories of your father that hung over you thicker than any fogged filled skies, a grief you wouldn't have made it through without them. As you sat looking at the flames of the fire mesmerised by their orange glow Tommy glanced over to you, watching the flickering lights from the campfire cast a golden hue on your skin, desperate to be alone with you again, the kiss you shared earlier repeatedly playing out in his head.

" Come on love, let's leave them to it" Arthur said standing up taking his dates hand after noticing his brother staring at you. " See you in the morning" Arthur winked back to Tommy opening the small caravan door, squeezing the girls bum as they both entered. " If the caravan be rocking, don't come a knocking!" Arthur laughed as he shut the door leaving you alone with Tommy.

" Dickhead" Tommy mumbled under his breath as you looked away, biting your bottom lip at how awkward Arthur had suddenly made everything. "It's getting late" you said standing up as you brushed the mud and twigs off your skirt looking back at the other vardo.

" I'll sleep out here" Tommy said as he sat up throwing another log onto the fire.

" You can't sleep out here, you'll freeze to death. Come on, it's not like we've never slept in the same bed" you said only just realising how different this time would be.

" Right, yeh...ok" Tommy said clearing his throat as he stood up.

As you settled into the small bed you watched as Tommy took of his hat and coat, your heart rapidly beating as nerves started to mount in your stomach. Climbing under the covers Tommy turned to face you, his fingers coming up to brush the strands of hair away from your face. Leaning into eachother, both of you turned your head in the same direction, awkwardly banging your foreheads together, resulting in a fit of laughs leaving your lips as Tommy shook his head at you. It was quite possible you were the giggliest girl he had ever met. Relaxing you recomposed yourself as Tommy pressed his lips to yours in a tender embrace. As his hand moved to your lower back, pressing your body closer to his your breath hitched in you throat, nerves now consuming every movement you made. Pulling away Tommy rubbed his thumb over your hip, in an effort to help you relax.

" Let's just lay here together, yeh?" he said taking the pressure away from you, not wanting to rush you into anything you wasn't ready for you as you nodded your head, thankful for his understanding nature. Rolling onto his back Tommy brought you closer into his side as he stroked up and down your arm, happy to finally have you in his arms.

" I nearly forgot" you said as you sat up leaning across him to pick up your coat.

" Happy Birthday" you said pulling out a small gift wrapped in cloth.

" My birthdays not until tomorrow " he chuckled as he sat up.

" It will be in ten minutes" you said as you looked down at your watch, quickly returning your eyes to him pulling out a gold pocket watch from within the delicate fabric.

" Jesus Y/N...you got this for me, how? " he said with a huge grin on his face as he looked to you.

" All those hours pressing clothes. Took me almost a year to be able to afford it"

"Come here" he said bringing you into a hug as you settled back down into the bed together." Thank you" he added as he pressed a kiss to your forehead feeling happier than any win he had ever won at the races.

With his arm securely wrapped around you Tommy couldn't stop the smile on his face as he looked down at the watch in his hand, it was nicest thing he owned and the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. Glancing at your wristwatch, Tommy turned the dials to the right time, when you took it from him turning it back a further five minutes.

" It's five minutes too late" he said watching you press the knob down.

" That way I'll always be on time for you" you giggled handing it back as Tommy chuckled shaking his head.

" Yeh just means I won't be on time for anything" he smiled closing the watch, keeping it tightly clasped in his hand as you nuzzled your head into his chest.

" Tommy?"

" Mm-hm?" he said as his eyes were about to close.

" What do you think we'll be doing this time ten years from now"

" The same thing" he smiled as his thumb rubbed over the curve of your shoulder. "Only naked" he said as he opened one eye looking to you.

" Tommy!" You said, giving him a small punch to the arm. " I'm serious, what do you think we'll be doing?"

" The same thing Y/N" he said with certainty as he tuned his head to face you. " You'll be in my arms every night from now on, that's a promise" he said as he looked lovingly back at you before giving you one last peck to the lips as you both closed your eyes, dreaming of the future and everything coming your way. Even though you were both young with your whole lives ahead of you one thing was for certain, in that moment you had no doubts that you wouldn't spend the rest of your lives together and every night in each others arms.

Ten years later...

Laughs and chatter of people enjoying eachothers company hummed around you as you sat quietly in the corner of the Garrison, the drink in your hand untouched as the night you and Tommy spent together this time ten years ago asleep in each others arms cruelly played out in your head. As a tear fell from your eye you looked up across the room to see the new barmaid sat tightly against Tommy's body, his arm resting around her shoulders. Tonight it wouldn't be you wrapped in his arms, tonight you would sleep alone as regret over decisions you had made weighed down your already broken heart. Standing up from your seat Tommy's eyes quickly darted to you, watching you pull your coat around you as you brushed the tears from your face, leaving the Garrison in a hurry unable to withstand anymore.

Clutching your coat around you from the cold night air you pushed the last tears from your cheeks as the pain in your heart dug further into your chest.

" Y/N" you heard your name being called by the very man you didn't want to see you like this.

"Yes Tommy" you said turning around as he waited at the Garrison door.

" I need you to go finish those papers at the betting shop for tomorrow" he said lighting a cigarette as he stepped a little closer.

" It's nearly midnight..." you replied as you watched him pull out his pocket watch to check the time. Quickly closing it Tommy clutched it tightly in his hand as he looked back at you. For a brief moment that's all he did as if the memories of that night had suddenly come flooding back to him. Maybe they had never left, and Tommy's heart was aching as much of yours, either way you could never tell, for just as quickly as his face softened for those brief few moments his demeanor abruptly changed, a scowl now spread across his face.

" The deadlines tomorrow " he said sharply looking to you as you shivered in the cold, your eyes red from crying.

" Ok Tommy" you said like you always did, at his beck and call night and day, desperately hanging onto the love you still felt for him. Without saying another word you turned on your heel heading for Watery Lane.

" You not going to wish me a happy birthday then?" Tommy called out as he watched you walk away.

" Happy birthday Tommy" you replied, the words catching in your throat, tears streaming down your face as you walked briskly off into the night. So much had changed over the years, so many promises broken, hearts broken along with them. But yet you still held on, hopelessly devoted to the man who promised to hold you in his arms every night.

NEXT PART

Tag list: @cosniffee @jonsncws @powellssaturn @jessimay89 @bruher @riseandreigns4u @mariaelizabeth21-blog1

[mediaevalmusereads]

Love Medicine. By Louise Erdrich. Harper Perennial, 1993 edition (original published 1984).

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: contemporary fiction

Series: Love Medicine #1

Summary: Set on and around a North Dakota Ojibwe reservation, Love Medicine is the epic story about the intertwined fates of two families: the Kashpaws and the Lamartines.

With astonishing virtuosity, each chapter draws on a range of voices to limn its tales. Black humor mingles with magic, injustice bleeds into betrayal, and through it all, bonds of love and family marry the elements into a tightly woven whole that pulses with the drama of life.

Filled with humor, magic, injustice and betrayal, Erdrich blends family love and loyalty in a stunning work of dramatic fiction.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: moderate sexual content, dubious consent, alcoholism, domestic violence, adultery, suicide

OVERVIEW: I've read a few Louise Erdrich novels and poems before, but I figured I'd go back and read the book that put her on the literary map. I have the 1993 edition - the one with a few added sections after the original was published in 1984. Thus, my review doesn't necessarily apply to the original or to later editions where sections have been removed.

Overall, I found Love Medicine to be deeply fascinating. It's a family saga, so it's less about a tight plot than it is about following a handful of people through their lives across time. The characters were interesting enough that I wanted to see what they would do next, and combined with Erdrich's effortless prose, this book gets 4 stars from me.

WRITING: Erdrich's prose feels deceptively simple. It flows well and never trips me up and a reader, but it's also very good at balancing showing and telling and inserting figurative language in places where it enhances the reading experience (rather than feeling overwritten). I felt like I could make my way through at a steady pace and I got a firm handle on who people were by being privy to their internal thoughts.

PLOT: This book doesn't necessarily have a strict narrative that guides the action. It's more or less a family saga, featuring two major families and a few side characters as they experience love, loss, betrayal, etc. As a result, each chapter feels almost like a standalone short story, but Erdrich does a brilliant job entertaining each chapter/section so that they clearly build or expand on one another, even as they go in different directions.

I can see how some readers might be confused by the structure, especially since it's not always clear how much time passes or how people are related to one another. I can also see some readers struggling if they're not a fan of family sagas, and a lot of your enjoyment of this book will depend on how much you find the characters interesting.

Personally, I enjoyed following two specific families because I could see how they were woven together over the generations. It's not a story of a rivalry, really, but it is a story of how their fates are tied up with one another. That in itself was enough to keep me interested, as was all the challenges that characters faced by being Indigenous residents of a reservation.

CHARACTERS: There are many characters in this book and I don't want to give a critique of all of them. Thus, I'll just discuss Erdrich's characterization more broadly.

Each character in this book feels both unique and part of a larger web - shaped by their relationships to each other and the challenges that are thrown their way. I liked seeing how different characters reacted to similar things but I also was interested in how Erdrich wrote flaws (such as alcoholism and adultery). In my view, there was no character that felt too flat; all were complex and had their own unique motivations. The drama was captivating, and much was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.

TL;DR: Love Medicine is a compelling family saga that unfolds over a couple of generations, made more vivid by Erdrich's expert prose. Whether or not you enjoy this book will depend on how interesting you find the characters; personally, I thought they were complex and flawed and I kept wanting to see how they navigated the challenges of their lives.

[upside-down-uni]

storygraph september wrap up!

Hilma af Klint - Julia Voss 3.75⭐️

Extremely comprehensive and well researched expanded english tanslation of Julia Voss's biography on Hilma af Klint. I do wish she had included some reflection on or acknowledgements of the origins of af Klints spiritualism instead of just mentioning it "drawing from Hindu or Indian practices". But all in all it was a fascinating account of a very dedicated woman's life.

Sauhund - Lion Christ 3.75⭐️

A german book about a true charastrophe of a young gay man in 1970-80s Munich. It's somehow sad, heartwarming and funny all at once? A huge part of the enjoyment while reading came from the book being written in dialect. It's not super thick dialect but enough for color and since I grew up with a dialect similar to bavarian it felt like I was listening to someone from my birthplace tell me a story. The one flaw this book has for me is that the actual character growth montage moment is skipped in favor of showing the after which undermined a lot of the build up the previous 3/4 of the book spent so much time on. It still manages to end impactful though and was a weirdly satisfying and heartachey read.

The Chaos Walking Trilogy - Patrick Ness

The Knife of Never Letting Go 4.5⭐️

The Ask and the Answer 5⭐️

Monsters of Men 4.75⭐️

If you watched the movie with Tom Holland you should immediately forget it entirely because that movie is stupid and bad, does these magnificent books a huge disservice and go read The Knife of Never Letting Go instead!!! These books go crazy, I'm kicking my own ass about not picking them up earlier! A friend recommended them to me and they were SO RIGHT TO!!! First of all, Todd and Viola have such a totally normal relationship with each other, I ate it all up. Their relationship is the center of the books for a reason. And then the books pull absolutely zero punches about privacy, masculinity and war! I was biting my nails and yelling at my friend via text the entire time, I felt So Many Emotions!!

Sprache und Sein - Kübra Gümüşay 5⭐️

Quick read on the relationship between language and the society we are building with the way we talk and how we treat it. Compassionate.

Moths: A Natural History of Our Planet's Moth Life - Rachel Warren Chadd, Andrei Sourakov 5⭐️

MOTHS! I love them! This book was an amazing introduction and overview over moth lives, their territories and their biology! So many great pictures and really accessible to non-natural-science people as well!

Das Gewicht des Ganzen - Sven Heuchert

A german nature writing book about grief. I was really happy to have finished it so quickly because despite being written stylistically well I simply did not understand what anyone gets from this type of book. This was just deeply not my genre or type of story. (Also the author made a weird focalization decision in my opinion by having main character A show up as 3rd person narrator but main character B got a 3rd person narration as WELL as a 1st person narration? Bewildering and no help for the story to be honest.)

The Disaster Tourist - Yun Ko-Eun 3⭐️

A short satirical novel about Ko Yona who is employee at a disaster travel agency, goes on a business trip to a sinkhole to evaluate the package the agency offers and uncovers a conspiracy. The set up dragged a bit for my tastes but the book made its point and even gave me that feeling of impending doom.

[meowmatics]

Why Does My Cat Headbutt Me: The Meaning Behind Your Cat Behavior

Cats, those enigmatic and captivating companions, often leave us spellbound with their unique expressions of affection. Among these charming behaviors, one stands out—headbutting, officially known as head bunting. Far beyond a mere physical gesture, this endearing act has woven itself into the tapestry of the feline-human connection, prompting a deeper inquiry into its roots and significance. In this investigation, we embark on an excursion through the complexities of cat communication, seeking to disentangle the significant secrets behind the apparently basic yet significant peculiarity of headbutting. For those wondering, why does my cat headbutt me, we delve into the profound language of feline affection, exploring the intricate reasons behind this heartwarming behavior. As cat enthusiasts well know, these fascinating creatures navigate our world with an air of mystery, and their non-verbal cues often hold the key to understanding their sentiments. Headbutting, a shared experience among countless cat owners, transcends the realm of mere gestures; it is a silent language, a gentle nudge that opens a window into the rich emotional landscape of feline companionship. In this comprehensive exploration, we venture beyond the surface, peeling back the layers of cat headbutting to reveal the complexities that make it a cherished aspect of the feline-human relationship. From its prevalence in domestic felines to its impact on cat adoptions, from the intricacies of pheromones to the various types of headbutts, we dissect each facet with a meticulous eye. This article aims not just to scratch the surface but to delve deep into the heart of why our beloved cats choose to express their affection in this particular way. Join us as we decipher the silent language of feline love, exploring the nuances, the science, and the emotional resonance behind those gentle headbutts.

The Phenomenon of Cat Headbutting: Unraveling the Tapestry

Cat headbutting, often witnessed as an affectionate nuzzle or a gentle bump against your face, is a behavior deeply ingrained in the feline repertoire. Yet, what makes it so prevalent among our domestic companions, and how does it transcend the boundaries of a mere physical interaction? To comprehend the phenomenon of cat headbutting, we must first recognize its ubiquity. This behavior is not confined to a select few cats but is a widespread and cherished act observed among domestic felines globally. Cat owners, bound by a shared understanding of the connection forged through headbutts, frequently recount instances of their furry friends initiating these gentle gestures. The charm of cat headbutting lies not just in its frequency but in its consistency across various feline personalities. Whether your cat is the playful adventurer, the serene observer, or the laid-back lounger, headbutting remains a common thread that stitches together the diverse fabric of cat behavior. As we unravel this tapestry, it becomes apparent that cat headbutting extends beyond the physical realm—it is a silent dialogue, an unspoken language through which cats communicate their affection and acceptance. Each headbutt, whether subtle or assertive, serves as a testament to the profound connection between feline companions and their human counterparts.

Terminology: Head Bunt vs. Headbutt - Navigating Feline Expressions

To comprehend the subtle nuances of cat headbutting, we embark on a linguistic journey, distinguishing between two commonly used terms: head bunt and headbutt. However these expressions are frequently utilized conversely, a nearer assessment uncovers a profundity of significance epitomized in each term. The term "head bunt" conveys a gentler, more affectionate interaction, often characterized by a delicate touch or nuzzle. This nuanced expression, akin to a whispered caress, signifies a cat's desire to establish a connection without overwhelming their human companion. It reflects a tenderness, a shared moment that transcends mere physical contact. Conversely, the term "headbutt" suggests a more assertive form of interaction. While still rooted in affection, a headbutt may involve a firmer bump, symbolizing a cat's confidence and trust in their chosen human. This variation in intensity provides a spectrum of expressions, each tailored to the unique personality of the feline engaging in this non-verbal conversation. Understanding these distinctions allows cat owners to decode the intricate language of their feline friends. Whether your cat favors the subtle elegance of a head bunt or the more pronounced assertion of a headbutt, each interaction holds significance in the rich tapestry of feline communication.

Research Insights: The Impact on Cat Adoptions - A Silent Symphony of Connection

Beyond the realm of personal anecdotes lies a compelling narrative backed by research, shedding light on the positive correlation between cat headbutting and the adoption rates of shelter cats. Studies have illuminated the profound impact of this endearing behavior on potential adopters, showcasing how cats who engage in headbutting are more likely to find forever homes. In the intricate dance of feline-human interaction, headbutting emerges as a silent symphony, playing a pivotal role in creating connections that extend beyond shelter walls. Cats exhibiting this affectionate behavior become ambassadors of their own charm, effectively conveying a message of trust and companionship to those seeking feline companionship. The study's findings underscore not only the universal appeal of headbutting but also its potential as a catalyst for forming lasting bonds. Shelter cats employing headbutting as a communication tool are, in essence, extending an invitation, a gentle plea for understanding and connection. As potential adopters reciprocate, they unknowingly participate in a dance of mutual acceptance and trust—a dance that echoes the timeless rhythm of feline companionship. This revelation transcends the scientific realm, resonating deeply with the collective experiences of cat owners. The enchanting melody of headbutting, once confined to the personal narratives of cat enthusiasts, now echoes through the corridors of shelters, forging bridges between cats and their future human companions.

Understanding Pheromones in Cat Headbutts: Scent, Connection, and the Feline Language

To understand the genuine profundity of cat headbutting, we should direct our concentration toward the imperceptible universe of pheromones — an intricate language woven into the texture of cat communication. Cats possess glands on their cheeks, forehead, and chin that secrete these chemical messengers, transforming a simple headbutt into a profound act of connection. When a cat headbutts you, it's not merely an affectionate touch; it's a deliberate act of marking you with their unique scent. Pheromones, imperceptible to humans but potent signals in the feline realm, carry a wealth of information. The glands just in front of a cat's ears, activated during headbutting, become vessels of identity, marking both you and the surroundings with the cat's distinctive signature. Feline Pheromones: Decoding the Shared Language of Cat Headbutting In the intricate dance of feline-human connection, this pheromone deposition becomes a form of shared language. To other cats, these subtle scents signify more than just territory; they convey a message of acceptance, trust, and belonging. As your cat imparts their scent to you through headbutting, they are extending an invitation into an exclusive circle—a realm where the language of pheromones transcends spoken words. For cat owners, the unspoken dialogue of pheromones manifests as a unique olfactory fingerprint. To your feline friend, you become marked with the comforting fragrance of familiarity, creating a sanctuary within the home. This act of scent-marking goes beyond a mere display of affection; it solidifies the bond between cat and human, enriching the shared environment with a tapestry of scents that narrate the story of companionship. As we navigate the ethereal realm of pheromones, we invite you to envision the profound implications of every headbutt. This seemingly simple gesture becomes a portal into the intricate language of feline scent, a silent dialogue that binds cats and their human companions in a world where words are replaced by the eloquence of fragrance.

Types of Cat Headbutts: Unveiling the Rich Palette of Feline Affection

Cat headbutting is definitely not a one-size-fits-all undertaking; a nuanced articulation of cat fondness comes in different structures. Understanding the different types of headbutts unveils a rich palette of gestures, each carrying its own significance in the silent dialogue between cats and their human companions. The Gentle Nuzzle: At the heart of cat headbutting lies the gentle nuzzle—an exquisite display of tenderness that characterizes a cat's desire for a subtle connection. This form of headbutt is akin to a whispered caress, an elegant ballet of affection that communicates warmth and acceptance without overwhelming intensity. The Assertive Headbutt: On the opposite end of the spectrum, some cats engage in a more assertive form of headbutting. This involves a firmer bump, signaling confidence and trust. The assertive headbutt is a declaration, a bold expression of a cat's comfort and familiarity with their chosen human. The Playful Bump: In moments of playfulness, cats may incorporate headbutts as part of their repertoire. This light and joyous interaction can be accompanied by purring, a swishing tail, or even a playful flop. The playful bump is an invitation to engage in the shared delight of feline-human companionship.

Head Pressing vs. Headbutting: Recognizing the Language of Distress

While headbutting is a poignant expression of feline affection, it's crucial to distinguish it from a behavior known as head pressing. Head pressing is a distinct action where a cat compulsively presses its head against a wall, object, or even a human. Understanding the differences between head pressing and headbutting is vital, as the former may indicate potential health concerns. Head Pressing Defined: Head pressing often involves a cat compulsively pushing its head against surfaces. Unlike the deliberate and affectionate nature of headbutting, head pressing appears more frantic and repetitive. It very well may be joined by different side effects, like pacing, changes in vision, or self-injury because of unnecessary squeezing. Potential Health Concerns: Head pressing is not a normal behavior and may be indicative of an underlying neurological issue or other health problems. When cats engage in head pressing, it's essential for owners to recognize this as a potential red flag and seek veterinary attention promptly. Differentiating Signs: Distinguishing between headbutting and head pressing involves observing the cat's overall demeanor. Headbutting is typically accompanied by relaxed behaviors, such as purring, playful flopping, or partially closed eyes. On the contrary, head pressing may manifest alongside signs of distress or discomfort. Recognizing the language of distress in head pressing allows cat owners to respond promptly to potential health issues. While headbutting is a cherished expression of affection, being vigilant about changes in behavior ensures the well-being of feline companions.

The Emotional Landscape of Cat Headbutting: A Symphony of Connection

Within the gentle realm of cat headbutting lies an emotional landscape, rich with cues that unveil the depth of feline affection. It's not merely a physical gesture but a silent symphony, wherein cats express contentment, trust, and a profound sense of connection. Calming Pheromones: Before a headbutt and during the act itself, cats emit facial pheromones with a calming and reassuring effect. These chemical signals create an atmosphere of comfort and security, establishing a positive emotional environment. As your cat headbutts, they are, in essence, enveloping you in their unique scent—a gesture that transcends the physical to deepen the emotional bond. Relaxed Behaviors: The emotional landscape of cat headbutting extends beyond the immediate act. Cats may exhibit a range of relaxed behaviors, such as playful flopping, purring, or partially closed eyes, signaling contentment and ease. These behaviors collectively contribute to the emotional ambiance surrounding the headbutt, creating a moment of shared serenity. Self-Soothing and Emotional Regulation:Cats participate in headbutting as a declaration of love as well as for of self-relieving and profound guideline. The act of rubbing their face on you, coupled with the depositing of pheromones, seems to bring a sense of joy and comfort to cats. It's a form of solitary face rubbing that cats indulge in, much like other self-soothing behaviors such as kneading or "making biscuits."

The Social Aspect of Cat Headbutts: Bridging Connections Within and Beyond the Colony

Contrary to the perception of cats as solitary creatures, cat headbutting reveals a profound social aspect in their behavior. Within a household with multiple cats or pets, headbutting serves as a means of fostering social bonds and creating a unified environment. Creating a Colony Scent: When cats within a colony engage in headbutting, they are participating in a unique form of scent-sharing. Each headbutt contributes to the creation of a single scent, known as the colony scent. This collective fragrance, derived from the mingling of individual scents, unifies the cats within the group and reinforces their social bonds. Marking Familiar Surroundings: Cats extend their headbutting behavior beyond interactions with living beings. They may headbutt and rub their faces on familiar objects, such as furniture or their cat tree. In doing so, they mark these objects with the glands in their cheeks, claiming territory in a positive manner. This type of marking creates a sense of familiarity and security, turning the surroundings into a personalized and safe space. Bonding with Familiar People: Just as cats mark objects, they also mark familiar people through headbutting. When a cat headbutts and marks you, it signifies acceptance into their inner circle. The act of scent-marking builds a connection, allowing you to share in the communal scent that defines your cat's social world. Through this bonding process, cats express their trust and affiliation with their human companions. Understanding the social dynamics of cat headbutting provides a glimpse into the intricate connections cats form within their environment. Whether it's creating a shared scent within a colony of cats or marking familiar objects and people, headbutting becomes a silent proclamation of unity and social harmony.

Headbutting as a Sign of Affection: A Cat's Deliberate Choice

One of the lingering questions among cat owners is whether headbutting truly signifies affection. The response is a reverberating yes. When a cat chooses to headbutt you, it goes beyond a mere physical interaction—it's a deliberate act of connection and acceptance, making you a part of their inner circle. Choosing You: Cats are discerning in their affections, and headbutting is a conscious choice. When a cat headbutts, it's a sign that they have chosen you as a trusted companion. This deliberate action distinguishes you from others, making the headbutt a gesture of exclusivity and affection. Marking with Scent: By marking you with their facial pheromones during a headbutt, a cat is communicating their bond and acceptance. This form of scent-marking not only solidifies your place within their social sphere but also signifies that you carry the comforting fragrance of familiarity. In the world of feline communication, smelling like your cat is a reassurance that transcends words. Signs of Affection Before and After: Observing a cat's behavior before and after a headbutt provides additional insights into their emotional state. Cats may exhibit playful flopping, purring, or partially closed eyes before initiating a headbutt. These relaxed behaviors continue post-headbutt, reinforcing the idea that this gesture is a manifestation of contentment and affection. Returning a cat's headbutt is not merely reciprocation; it's an acknowledgment of the honor bestowed upon you. If your cat favors headbutting or chin scratches, consider it a privilege—they have chosen you as a cherished member of their social circle. This reciprocity builds a positive cycle of affection, where the more you respond to your cat's headbutts with attention and bonding, the more likely they are to continue expressing their affection in this delightful manner.

Variation Among Cats: Embracing Diverse Expressions of Affection

Just as each cat possesses a unique personality, their approach to expressing affection, including headbutting, varies significantly. Understanding and appreciating this diversity is key to fostering a harmonious relationship with our feline companions. For those pondering, why does my cat headbutt me, recognizing and respecting the individuality in their affectionate gestures contributes to a deeper connection and mutual understanding. Confident vs. Shy Cats: Confident cats often engage in headbutting more frequently and with more force. These cats not only express affection through headbutts but also contribute to the establishment of the colony scent in multi-cat households. On the other hand, shy cats may exhibit a more reserved approach, expressing their affection through other subtle behaviors like slow-blinking or gentle purring. Dominance and Colony Scent: The most self-assured cat in a multiple-cat household often takes on the role of delivering the colony scent to every feline member. While headbutting is one means of achieving this, dominant cats may also employ other methods of scent-sharing, contributing to the establishment of a cohesive colony scent that fosters social bonds among the residents. Changes in Behavior: It's essential for cat owners to pay attention to changes in their cat's behavior, particularly if they have been consistent headbutters in the past. Expecting that a cat who used to partake in headbutting begins to show a lessening in this approach to acting, it might be an indication that the cat isn't feeling better. Lethargy or grumpiness alongside a change in headbutting habits may prompt a visit to the veterinarian to ensure the cat's overall health. In celebrating the diversity of feline expressions, cat owners can tailor their interactions to accommodate the unique preferences and comfort levels of each cat. While some may embrace headbutting as a primary means of connection, others may favor alternative displays of affection. Read the full article

[fictionadventurer]

@library-bandit

My favorite nonfiction reads from this year are:

Religious (which always feels like a separate category): St. Thomas Aquinas by G.K. Chesterton. I feel like we always hear about Aquinas' philosophy, but never about the man. Chesterton portrays him in a way that makes him seem lovable and layered, but most of all, real.

Other nonfiction: The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown, about the 1936 Olympic gold-medal rowing team. I was deeply invested in these boys. I've still only read the Young Reader's edition (since it was the one I could get without a library waiting list), and even in abridged form I love it. (It's now easier to get the full version, but I can't bring myself to read it when I know the whole story and read it so recently).

Overall, some of my favorites include:

Nicholas and Alexandra by Robert K. Massie: A biography of Czar Nicholas II and his wife that reads likes a novel. The people and their world are so vivid and I think about it constantly.

These Beautiful Bones and The Catholic Table by Emily Stimpson Chapman: The first introduced me to Theology of the Body in a beautiful way. The second is almost a comfort read--part an explanation of a Catholic understanding of food, part memoir about her struggle with an eating disorder, part recipe book, but overall a celebration of the goodness of food and community.

The Story of a Soul by St. Therese of Lisieux: The autobiography of a saint who I find intensely relatable that also has enough theological insight to make her a Doctor of the Church. A lot of beauty here.

The Food Explorer by Daniel Stone: A history of the FDA employee who traveled the world in the early 1900s finding crops to introduce to American agriculture. The story intersects with so many major historical events and figures, so even beyond the food it's a fascinating look at the time period.

84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff: More of a story than an informational text, but still nonfiction! It's a collection of letters between a New York writer and the London bookshop she orders books from across several decades, starting just after WWII. It's hilarious and heartwarming and full of the love of books.

Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin: Made me obsessed with Lincoln's Cabinet. The love of history as the story of real, relatable people comes through on every page. (I've only read the abridged version, but can't bring myself to read the full version thanks to Seward's language. It still had too much of an impact on me to leave it off this list).

Bringing It to the Table by Wendell Berry: A collection of essays exploring the state of modern agriculture and man's relationship to his environment. I found it riveting and fascinating.

The most niche nonfiction book I've ever read was probably:

The Feather Thief by Kirk Wallace Johnson: The story of a guy who stole hundreds of bird specimens from a natural history museum to get feathers for his hobby of making historically-accurate Victorian fishing ties. As you can imagine, it's a wild ride through niche topics, while also touching upon lots of broader historical issues like the history of fashion and conservation.

I'm not looking to add to my reading list, but I love people talking about books, and I love hearing about the wide variety of nonfiction books on subjects I'd never even considered, so let's start a chat.

Tell me about your favorite nonfiction book you've read lately (or in general), and/or tell me about the nonfiction book you've read that has the weirdest/most niche subject.

[juminly]

Ruminations of A Dreamer - Part VIII (Viktor x Reader)

Title: Caught. Summary: Viktor realizes that he's caught in his feelings but he never thought he would be caught in a different situation. Series Masterlist –♥– Melancholy gracefully danced around him, dallying with him as he dove deeper into the depth of his mind, finding a thrilling sense of tranquility he often found in the silence of his own lab, the void noise filled with his loneliness and solitude.

However, his spirit felt much lighter, whatever his spirit truly was, for the matter.

However, all of him was carried into the immaculate yet tuneful morosity of the symphonic beauty that enveloped him with more memories of you.

However, even while he was utterly engrossed in the research he had on hand, the mere reminiscent thought of that wonderful evening that you spent together just a few weeks ago, was still as vivid, still as heartwarming as it was on that eve.

... If only he could relive it again.

His hands holding the softness of your figure against his body, the titillating urge to pull you even closer to him yet the fear of you even remotely hearing the thundering beating inside his chest, his heart battling his rib cages while his face flushed deeply at the thoughts invading his mind as he gazed upon the beauty of your sweet visage, the enchanting curve of your lips, the kind look in your eyes and all the refined traits that made you the fascinating creature that you were.

A creature. That, you were. A peculiar specimen that roused within him worrying sensations that compelled Viktor to doubt his health further, but little did he know that his sickness was not a physical. Searching in textbooks in vain for answers that he should find himself.

Dropping his tools from his hands and lifting the goggles of his eyes, Viktor sighed, staring up at the ceiling as he rubbed his chest, convincing himself that it would alleviate the tacit ache lurking within while the feverish sensation spreading through his face increased as he had fallen into that daydream, replaying the events that transpired at the ball with you.

Spending about weeks ruminating on the matter, Viktor felt he was closer to reaching the answer that he sought yet he couldn't yet put a finger on it. Incessant was his mind in thoughts of you, nagging was his heart in aching to be near, serenity dawning on him only when the condition of being in your appeasing presence was fulfilled.

And slowly, his focus faded, slipping through his fingers yet his mind was still in the midst of a blissful storm. Glancing at the bowl of dried fruits and nuts that you had left for him, another one of your heartfelt gestures that had been occasionally, going from a few drop-bys every few days to daily checkups, even several times in one day. Oh, how lucky he felt when that happened. And how happy.

Shaking his head, the healthy treat you've put together for him only reminded him to take a breather from his work, maybe a breath of fresh air would cleanse his clouded senses somehow and allow him to find the last part of the thread that he was on. Reaching for his cane with one of his books under his arm, he ambled towards the phonograph that you had gifted him, after he expressed his enjoyment for music after the ball. Yet another gift from you, which you insisted on it not being so.

Putting a stop to the melody that played, he knew of somewhere else he could enjoy the same luxury, but even better. Viktor made his way to the gardens, one of the shared areas between the annexed building where his lab had been located and your home within the large space comprising your estate. Going exactly where he wanted to be, by the outdoor seating area that you handpicked yourself, surrounded by fragrant flora and located right by the window overseeing the drawing room.

The same room he knew you were practicing on your piano, a tune that he now knew by heart as you had repeated it countless times in the past few days. Over and over again it played, even when your fingers were nowhere near the keys.

"Damn it!" You suddenly cursed, the loud groans of frustration you emitted when pressing on a wrong note causing him to chuckle to himself, yet it might have been a little louder than he intended.

One of the effects you had on him.

Silence ensued. Damn it, now he was almost positive that you heard him. He had absolutely no intention of interrupting your practice or ending the delight of listening in. Or was what he was doing considered eavesdropping? Light footsteps hurried closer till he heard you holler cheerily. "Viktor! Why didn't you tell me you were here? I'll grab a book and join you!"

Shaking his head with a chuckle, you hadn't even given him a chance to respond when you went dashing away so you could join him. This reading in the gardens wasn't always a habit of his but only recently had become so. How was it that even as the sun was setting, Viktor suddenly felt that the world got a few degrees brighter?

"Your practice session seems to have been quite fruitful, Y/N." Viktor greeted you with a teasing smile, which grew even wider as you rolled your eyes in annoyance, plopping yourself on the other side of the victorian-like three seater. So easy to read, he thought, yet intriguing all the same.

"Don't tease me, please." You grumbled, your nose scrunching in contempt of the slump that you found yourself in. "Practice doesn't make perfect. It creates anger and then it festers, boils and soon will explode." There was not much you could do about it. You didn’t have to say anything but Viktor saw it in your actions, in your words, in your attitude. You would fight through it until you found inspiration or it found you. Didn’t really matter how. Your frustration was so tangible, courtesy of how you’ve become so attuned to one another. If there was anything he could do for you, he would. Right now, all he could offer you was his company; hoping it would be enough.

"According to my most recent observations, it would be safe to presume that you are turning into a volcano then?" The playfulness of his inquiry did not fall on deaf ears, Viktor spying the way your lips fought to curve up into what should be a smile sneaking its way onto them. And he was the culprit. And he just absolutely loved it.

"Yes." You attempted to sound as despondent as possible yet it was simply a waste of effort. Especially for you. It was only a matter of a few snarky exchanges for you to give in to Viktor’s teasing, he noted too well from your interactions. If anything, you and Viktor had grown so accustomed to each other’s quirks and tones that such a poor performance from you wouldn’t be enough to keep things up.

"Should I have the need to feel concerned by this recent development?" He pressed further, the hint of playfulness in his tone not going unnoticed, making you sigh in return.

"Maybe everyone else, but not you." You pouted, busying yourself with the book you held, flipping through the pages until you opened right at the one you bookmarked.

"That is very good to hear." And that was the last either of you said, losing yourselves in whatever worlds depicted between your hands you had escaped to.

The sun was high enough to cast a calming glow upon you, illuminating the words written on the pages before you, the skies molding the warm colours of dusk while a comfortable and peaceful silence settled beneath you. Neither of you felt the need to speak. Just being there was simply enough. The sound of your deep sighs breaking through the quiet from time to time, Viktor stealing fleeting glances at you from the corner of his eyes, taking in the dreamy expression that would paint on your face when what he thought could be a scene you were completely immersed in. Reminding him of the look that you wore when you had danced the night away.

If only you could do that, once again.

Soon enough, the skies slowly began to darken, the lights around the gardens automatically brightening up with the Hextech stones, luminous and calming shades of blue cast around you, a special technology he had installed to react to the umbra cast by the night. He glanced to the side, where you were, only to find your eyes shut, long lashes kissing the top of your cheeks like petals fallen to the ground, your head lolled back, clearly cranking your neck in an exceptionally uncomfortable position. Scooting closer to you as quietly as he could, he discarded the book from his hands and angled his body towards you, hands now hovering over your sleeping form hesitantly. One, how did he not notice that you had fallen asleep when he was always so attuned to you? Or was it just that he thought he was? It was not time for him to doubt himself either. The pressing matter at hand was you. Two, how did he not see the marks of fatigue etched in your beautiful face? He, who called himself your friend, should’ve taken note of such intricacies. Being a scientist required the utmost attention to detail and precision. So why was he carried away by the sudden rush of joy that rose within him the moment you appeared? Three, why was he hesitating about something so damn simple? With you, it only seemed like he lost the ability to think straight so he would have to do just that. Methodical. What did he need to do? He just had to take it from there. Remove the book from your lap and place it on the table. Easy. Viktor’s eyes widened, body completely frozen, his heart leaping out of his chest like a damn bunny when you suddenly shifted to your side, adjusting your sleeping position into a more comfortable one on your own, a sleepy sigh escaping you in the process. That was too easy. He didn’t have to do anything. At all. Maybe he should just leave you be now, leave you to rest and call one of your maids to wake you in a while before it gets too late. But no, his heart had a mind of its own and it was suddenly in control, Viktor finding himself in the exact same position mirroring your own, body slouched in parallel with his face only a few mere inches of yours. This was the closest he had ever been to you. This is the closest he had ever been to finding the answer that had been invading his mind for so long. He had an inkling but the need for empirical evidence, the proof to truly confirm if what he thought was true or not. His ambers lingered yearningly on your lips, tracing the finer details of your face, immersing himself in a moment that he knew would possibly never come again, taking the chance as he inched even closer to you where he felt even your breathing became his own. If only.

Mustering what sliver of courage he had in his heart, his mind or his soul, whatever scraps he could gather, he allowed him to push himself further, the tip of his nose barely ghosting past yours. Breath caught in his throat, afraid that the shaky bursts coursing through his lungs would rouse you from your sieste, he leaned forward to kiss your cheek, the warmth of your skin leaving an imprint on his lips that he would remember for as long as he could. It was as if his entire world stood still. Awestruck and abashed he was when he slowly moved away, only for your eyes to flutter open and catch him in the act of theft. If only the earth would tear open and swallow him whole. Taglist: @theweebrises @dedicated2viktor