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iloveriddles · 3 months ago

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Imaginal Disk Storyline + Lore.

Okay, this is all opinion and my theories.

From What I can tell, “Imaginal Disk” is about two people: our protagonist, True, and a sub-protagonist of sorts, Ghost.

True lives in a house away from town. All she can do in her house is watch TV and journal.

True hates herself, and has never felt loved, or really sees love anywhere. She is very depressed. She can’t bear to look at herself in the mirror, even. She hates the way she looks, as we see on the mirror from imaginaldisk.world in True’s room. Her face is all distorted and swirled if you click it.

She never sleeps because she “spends her days chasing clouds and counting sheep, waiting for the night to creep”.

She does this because in the field outside her house, during night, a mirror appears and in it she sees a person who looks like her. This is Ghost. I am not sure if this happens every single night, or just some, but True seems dedicated to talking to Ghost at any chance she can take.

Ghost sleeps every night well and wakes up to be in the field, opposite to True. At her side of the mirror, it’s daytime.

I know their names because of the journals in True’s bedroom, where the lyrics for Fear, Sex are handwritten with the name “Ghost” at the top, and the lyrics for Killing Time are written on the first page with with the name “True”.

Ghost, to True, is beautiful in every way. She’s pretty, she’s perfect. She is loved and happy, and True isn’t. Ghost is the “Angel on a satellite”, I am 99% sure. True, from speculation, lives vicariously in a way through Ghost. She wishes she could be Ghost, and it kills her. There’s even symbolism here with Ghost’s lover in the Death & Romance video being made of light and featureless. It’s like exactly what True wants, to “be pined for” as she says in Killing Time (“I don’t care if I don’t sleep // but someone better pine for me”), but she can’t imagine by whom because she has no love interest. She just wants faceless love. She wants to feel like she matters in some way, like she is worthy of time. “There’s always time for killing, but never time for me. It only takes a minute”, she sings in Killing Time.

It’s so sad =( she’s right, though. That’s how it feels. People have time to waste and do nothing, but not time to help their close ones when they’re in a low place. It’s neither party’s fault, but still “True”.

True’s room is also the same layout as Ghost’s, but opposite. I think they are maybe versions of themselves from parallel universes or something like that. There is also implication that they start seeing through each other’s eyes in intervals, and we see this a little at the end of the Death & Romance video when she touches the Disk. I think their brains are connected in some way.

As mentioned, True hates herself and is miserable. I think this is why she gets the Imaginal Disk. We know she watches TV, so she probably saw the ad “True Blue Interlude” which is between Killing Time and Image. Image is her getting diskinserted and going to The Doctor. In the advertisement, it seems to be singing to her. It even says her name, “True”. It’s advertised as being a next stage and phase, it’s like the perfect form of escaping for True. She doesn’t want to be herself, she wants to be “Pure” and a “better her”. I also wonder if True Blue Interlude has hypnotic properties in canon, or anything like that. It’s interesting how this changes Image so much if you know the story. “I’m the best you’ve got, *true* or not?”

We are missing music videos so I am not certain about some stuff. They said on Instagram that they’re making one for Tunnel Vision, which I am 90% certain it will be another True song. True’s eyes do the weird blink thing in the Fear, Sex music video. Also, in “That’s My Floor” the camera zooms into her eyes and she LITERALLY has “Tunnel Vision”.

Also from the “That’s My Floor” music video, we know that after getting her disk True wears red like The Doctor instead of her blue, and starts assisting him in diskinserting. There is so much speculative stuff here right now. For example, I wonder if The Doctor is supposed to be True’s universe’s version of the glowing light guy that Ghost is with. I don’t know, but it changes the songs A LOT if you know that the lyrics are in character. Some songs are Ghost songs, and others are True songs.

In “That’s My Floor”’s music video she accidentally kills the people dancing with her indirectly because she gave them the disks (speculation) so she runs away. This lines up with “The Outskirts” from the website. It says to “walk down and atone for your sins”, also also that “the weight of your guilt should be slowing you down more than that”.

I think it’s about True’s guilt for all she’s done with the Imaginal Disk. When it zooms into her stomach camera? It shows what I think is the reality she actually wants. She wants to remove their disks; but she doesn’t. I also don’t know if Ghost is actually there, or if she’s hallucinating/imagining her to be.

“Love Is Everywhere”, is a Ghost song. She says to “look through the holes in the sky” to “find Love”. I also think Cry For Me might be a Ghost song, because she says “Think of Love and you’ll remember me”. I wonder if she’s going to be killed off or something. This would be foreshadowed by “DEATH and romance”. Maybe The solid light guy (whom I assume went into The Cocoon at The Outskirts) dies, so Ghost does too? Not sure. Speculation.

In Angel on a Satellite, a song I believe to be about Ghost, True sings “A thousand eyes turn to stone and monochrome // surprise, surprise // they turn to smile at the same time”

Followed by

“That’s why I don’t look up // That’s why I’m always dancing”

I think this is symbolism for her depression and inability to feel love.

The “eyes” can’t feel; they only watch. They symbolize people around her. They’re “stone” and “monochrome” because they are cold and reflective onto her, these represent people in her life that she can’t show her misery around. Like being depressed and having to hide it from your family, or friends that say “I’m always here to listen” but do not mean it in the slightest. She’s “always dancing” because she’s masking her loneliness and self-hate for those watching her.

True has never left love. We know she doesn’t truly. She sings about it multiple times. I think this part of She Looked Like Me! Is about Ghost

“Her hair lifted as she stood still

Right there in the light And she felt like a dream

I didn't know what to think

She looked like me

We stood mirrored 'til I leaned in And then you know what she did

She shot at me like an earthbound bullet

And then she wrapped her hands around my neck and I felt love

Just ordinary love

Let me hold you in my arms

Oh, love, that familiar old drug”

I don’t think Ghost literally strangled her, but instead it’s more poetic symbolism.

In Angel on a Satellite, True sings “I swear that through your eyes everything is brighter all the time // ‘cause when I see me through your eyes I love me, so don’t leave my side // you always see the sky, angel on a satellite”

Ghost “sees the sky” by seeing and feeling love. She literally “looks up”. She’s optimistic, True isn’t. She can’t look up.

Another little detail I’ve noticed is how in Love Is Everywhere, I presume Ghost sings “Look inside through the sky all around us” in the same melody that True sings “Angel on a satellite, glad you found us” in “Feeling Diskinserted?”

I think that the album will end with True going to the cocoon and becoming her ACTUAL “Purest self”. If you spell “Imaginal Disk” with a “c” instead of a “k” at the end, it’s literally a part of a pupa. The Imaginal disc turns into portions of a bug’s exoskeleton after it emerges from its metamorphosis. So, on a literal level, the real Imaginal disk that changes you was THE COCOON ALL ALONG. Maybe the Doctor is doing a shady internet scam trick where you change the URL by one letter and pass it off.

The detail here is so interesting. Even down to their names True is literally her True self. She can’t be anyone else. It’s reality. Ghost on the other hand is like the Ghost of everything True wants to be.

I also noticed: The Doctor’s laughter from Fear, Sex plays in the bridge of Cry For Me. I bet we will get a music video for it. I wonder what is happening with the Ghost and aliens storyline.

Anyways, I have so much to say about this. I have more even than this. We are missing music videos so I will be back. I also have to talk about the alien observation plot, but that needs more pondering.

#imaginal disk #magdalena bay

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thecountesstribe · 4 months ago

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HOTD Ep 2x7 Spoilers and review.

So this was one of my favorite episodes this season and also one of the coolest imo.

Seasmoke being protective of Addam and looking proud he terrorized Addam into being his rider was too funny. I love that dragon 😂. Come through Addam the Loyal, all Rhaenyra had to say was she's queen and he immediately acknowledged her and bent the knee, I loved that. He's really about to become my other favorite boy.

Corlys being shook and acting like he doesn't know Addam, like sir if you don't tell the truth already. He's never gonna beat the deadbeat allegations. Although when he told him “Well done” I did whoop a little. I would've kicked his ass had I been Addam though.

Oscar Tully! That's it. That's the fuckin post. He gagged Daemon and stood on business. I love to see young kids bullying arrogant adults, he reminded me of the OG lil boss Lyanna Mormont. That's my lil nephew now.

Daemon didn't take the crown. We saw him hallucinating again, this time with the sick version of Viserys and Viserys holding the crown which he didn't take. I mean anybody with a brain could summarize that he never wanted the crown, we didn't need to spend so much time in his delusions in Harrenhal to tell us that. We certainly didn't need a scene of him feasting on his mom to tell us that, yuck. For all his faults he really was about his family. He went about it the wrong way but that's Daemon for you. His stupid self destructive ass.

We had an unnecessary scene of Alicent running about the woods after leaving King's Landing. Chile anyways. Larys is totally protecting Aegon now and he's essentially crippled atp. I fear for Baela's storyline.

Rhaena is looking for Sheepstealer. Her and Jeyne are still tussling but they waited until the final 2 episodes to give her something, Baela had no lines besides looking pretty and staring at Jace. I fuckin hate it here. Could we bully HBO AND THE WRITERS SOME MORE. WTF!!

Vermithor and SilverWing looked so cool. What did that old bum feed Vermithor though? He's big asf. SilverWing just might be the coolest looking dragon. I can't rank them anymore cause I like them all 😭. Literally my favorite thing about the episode. Like the directors cooked. The dragons are funny asf 😂😭😭😭. There were a lot of parentage reveals, I don't believe for a second Saera sired that ugly man but anyways. RhaeRhae led those people to their deaths. Rhaenyra deadass gave this big ass pep talk, she reminded me of Erwin before he led the scouts out on what would be their suicide mission except she didn't stay to see the outcome or participate in it. Vermithor saw an opportunity for a buffet and took it, Hugh claimed him. Fuckin cinema. Still gonna hate his bitchass but I can't lie that was badass. SilverWing was bullying Ulf. Why do people I hate always win sometimes?! Ulf literally failed upwards. Can't be mad at it. I mean if I was a dragon I would've done the same shit. How dare mediocre specimens come before me who is essentially the next best thing after the Gods!

We got Rhaenyra speaking High Valyrian. She had her dragon squad quit on her though and gave her a warning (foreshadowing). Her also being able to calm Vermithor, that's the Dragon Queen of her era y'all. We saw a little movement with her and her protective spoiled cat Syrax too 😍.

Not people hating on Jace now. Listen that argument has been brewing since season 1. He just finally let it out of his brooding body. I don't think many people understand the implications that argument meant. He sounded classist and maybe he was, highly doubt he is but he's being realistic and in the future he was proven right (unless they scrap the book canon). Rhaenyra paralleled Viserys in that entire scene. She really is her father's child in some ways. She did to Jace what Viserys essentially did to her. The one thing that could've upheld his ascension to the throne was him having a dragon and she essentially gave a free pass to anybody to do the same, the same thing was done to Rhaenyra when Viserys decided to marry Alicent and sire more children when he knew damn well that if he had a son, her claim to the throne would've been compromised. Jace knows he's a “bastard”, a legitimate one but a “bastard” ntl (I'm not calling him a bastard in a derogatory sense either, he isn't. Laenor claimed them as his sons and that's the end of it to me) , it shouldn't matter considering the throne is not passing from his father's side but his mother's. Sure his last name would've changed the minute he was named heir and ascended as stated by Viserys but what weight does that hold now? They briefly touched on it when he spoke to Baela about his fathers but he had always been insecure about his parentage. No he didn't call his mother a whore, he's been fighting that battle all his life, she just made it worse. In the dire situation they're in, the sacrifice had to be made but I could understand why he's angry and hurt over it again. She literally just made him illegitimate in the eyes of the realm. His anger is valid. Was his tone harsh yes, try dealing with the whispers and the jeers and everything else for the past 16 years of your entire life and seeing the same proof of what everybody else sees everyday and tell me that you wouldn't hold some kind of resentment towards it. I liked how Rhaenyra was patient with him though, just wished it wasn't as rushed as the scene felt.

The last shot of the episode was fuckin brilliant. Aemond turning his bitchass around knowing he can't handle that kinda pressure. Also Vhagar and Aemond's bond may not be as strong as it should be. She clearly does not listen to him sometimes. He's still responsible for Lucerys death IDC what y'all got to say. The episode got a 4/5 stars from me just for the dragons. I'm here for Jace, Baela, Addam and the Dragons!

Until next week guys for the finale. We're going to see Tessarion and Sheepstealer next week. I'm so excited.

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cryptid-catnip · 19 days ago

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An Unnecessarily In-Depth Deconstruction of the Lore and Problematic Elements of HDG

Why did I make this fucking post. (TWs for discussions of imperialism, cultural genocide, and a mention of systematized sexual assault)

So, to preface, I am going to be pretty harsh when it comes to criticizing the setting and lore of HDG, but I do not give one iota of a shit if someone finds its more problematic elements hot. Hell, I myself have found quite a few of the more fucked stories hot.

Secondly, if you want to rebute this post, please refrain from using Thermian Arguments as much as possible. If you don't know what a Thermian Argument is, it was coined in this video by Dan Oslen. It's only a five-minute watch, but, if you can't be bothered, it details an increasingly common argument in fandom spaces which consists of rebuking problematic elements of media by using in-universe reasoning, despite the fact that everything in a story is there because the writer put it there.

With that out of the way, let's begin.

So, in a previous post of mine, I wrote that The Combine from Half-Life 2 are essentially the same archetype of sci-fi civilization as the Affini (ie, ancient, vast conquerors whose interstellar conquest is so ancient that not even they know where they're from), with the only difference that the Affini are to be seen as the heroes of the story because... well because the writers say so.

Now you may say "Callie! You stupid bitch! Life in the Compact is way better than that on Terra!" and, to that I say "That's a Thermian Argument."

GlitchyRobo (and basically all other HDG writers) made the conscious decision to have Terra be Super-Mega-Ultra-Death-Capitalism(TM) to serve as justification for the Affini's colonization of Terra.

And this opens up a massive can of worms, considering that the Affini canonically want all non-Affini to be Florets and believe that all non-Affini would be better off as Florets.

The reason I'm calling this a can of worms is because the Affini are so vast, so long-lived, both individually and societally, that there has to have been at least one society that was doing really well for themselves, and were crushed by the Compact, right?

As I've alluded to prior in this post, the Affini are a fundamentally imperialist entity and does not care what your opinion is on their interstellar conquest, now go get your mandated mindbreak implant.

I think it's fair to say that the Affini are a shining example of the Designated Hero trope, as for a civilization whose bread and butter is imperialism, cultural genocide and systematized rape, they ARE The Good Guys, because The Narrative says so. This isn't even hyperbole, nearly all of the Canon Guidelines and the Writing in HDG pages are "The Affini are the good guys and are always in the right and are 59 steps ahead of the Terrans and functionally and narratively invincible with awesome tits."

But special mention goes to this line which basically confirms the thing I said previously:

What if you feel okay on your own? What if you don't want the Affini Compact running the show? What if you're already a communist society and are doing your level best to ensure everyone gets what they need?

The Affini response will be, "That's okay, petal, you've done enough. We'll take it from here."

And this line, which is basically just there to handwave some of the grimiest elements of HDG:

(Discussions about systemic floret sterilization and comparisons to real life reproductive violence and eugenics are definitely overthinking it.)

Like, motherfucker, I'm not the one who wrote this implication into the story. It's not my fault you decided to do White Man's Burden IIIIIIIIINNNNNN SSSSSPPPPPAAAAAACCCCEEEE with the femdom plant aliens.

And this is not only wretched morally, but it's just bad fucking writing. It is the closest that comes to an actual rule in writing (unless, like other "rules" in writing, it exists in your story for the purpose of deconstruction): DO NOT HAVE IMMORTAL, ALL-POWERFUL PROTAGANISTS.

The Affini are written like the player character of "That Guy" in every RPG horror story ever, with them being essentially invincible and immortal (functionally and narratively), are portrayed as the good guys while conquering planets and brainwashing people.

Or, to put it another way, most HDG stories feel like pro-Compact propaganda written by and for the Affini.

I was going to end this post with a thing where I say, "well i don't really think any of the writers/fans think that this would be good in practice/irl, and they all know it's just wish fulfillment kinkfics", but I genuinely do not think that's true for many people.

The constant defense of the righteousness of the Affini Compact in the text itself, as well as the constant stressing in the fucking wiki, leads me to believe that many people just straight-up believe that they are in the right, and not just the purpose of being kinkfics, and that deeply fucking disturbs me.

#callie writes #hdg #human domestication guide #affini #floretposting #plant girl #glitchyrobo

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xjulixred45x · 2 months ago

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In the crossover between Dead Plate and My Child Lebensborn, what measures would Rody and Vince take with the Professor Solheim matter? What legal (and illegal) means would they take against him?

TW: MENTION/IMPLICATION OF CSA, PTSD ON CHILDREN, MURDER, ETC.

Ow man...

First of all, I don't think that either Vince or Rody would go unnoticed by the changes in attitude in their respective children, but definitely at the beginning they thought it was because of the Bullying issue than anything else (although they knew about Professor Solheim thanks to the bad guys). moments they put the kids through before this, you can tell they hated it before).

Surprisingly I think Rody might be the first to think that something is wrong with Klaus at school. Rody is much more trustworthy than Vince, so it wouldn't be strange if out of the blue Klaus tells Rody that he doesn't want to go to school or that he doesn't specifically want to go to Professor Solheim's classes.

Rody finds it strange at first, but soon realizes that Klaus wouldn't ask to skip school if something really bad was going on (not just bullying). this + when Klaus starts having clear PTSD episodes, make Rody not let Klaus go to school and have a serious talk with him.

When does Rody find out? God, he's devastated to hear Klaus telling him what happened and repeating that it's not his fault and he's right! It's not Klaus' fault. Rody focuses on comforting his little brother and letting him know that he shouldn't hide things like that, that he loves him and is sorry he couldn't prevent this, etc. In general, both of them crying together for a long time.

As for the actions Rody would take against Solheim, it's canon that he would hide a body for Manon, so I can see him going to kick Solheim's ass and even threatening him to never go near Klaus again. and this guy is STRONG (canonically he could break your arm by ACCIDENT, imagine what he could do on purpose), so he won't be satisfied unless Solheim has at least 5 broken bones.

(I can't go into much detail about the legality because Rody is broke bad, but maybe he could convince the other parents to file a class action lawsuit, also being the 60s I don't think Rody would want to put Klaus in that situation or re-traumatize him, SO i think that's all that he would do, not because he wants to, but bc it's all he can do).

Vincent, on the other hand, would take longer to notice the warning signs, since while he is observant, he is also constantly busy during the events of the game, so probably the closest thing he would have to a direct signal would be a of Karin's nannies said that she is acting strange.

and Vince begins to notice these more abrupt changes, how Karin is now more reserved and even rude, how she almost doesn't talk to him anymore (it would take an EMBARRASSING amount of time), etc.

although the definitive warning sign for Vince would be 1) that Karin doesn't want to be bathed and 2) that she doesn't even want to eat. He knows that SOMETHING happened and that Karin is too traumatized to say it, but she is giving him quite direct signals, which leads him to realize what happened, horrified.

Vince is definitely more clumsy when it comes to comforting Karin, but he doesn't lack desire. He mainly tries to comfort her by giving her her favorite foods and giving her a free pass to do whatever she wants (skip school, eat outside food, etc.). and even trying to be more physically affectionate (mainly giving her more hugs, this experience definitely made him realize how much he misses that side of Karin).

As for Solheim...he will be lucky if Vince decides to take the LEGAL route (if that were the case, Solheim would never come out of it, since with how well-known Vince is, public opinion would definitely DESTROY Solheim if Vince don't do it first). Vince tends to be erratic at times like this, so it would be very easy for him to get rid of Solheim PERMANENTLY, it's better that way, he wouldn't have to worry about it hurting Karin anymore.

I think Vincent would feel more guilty than he lets on, precisely because Karin doesn't even feel comfortable telling him what exactly happened (she probably explains it with drawings) and would try to improve his pedagogical skills based on this.

Rody is really just doing his best and still doesn't feel like enough, plus he's probably going to dump all this guilt and bad feelings on Solheim (with a good beating), and ressure Klaus about that 1) it's not His fault and 2) he loves him nonetheless.

Mind you, I don't think either of them will let Karin/Klaus go to school anytime soon, good luck with that.

In general, they both react differently, but they will do ANYTHING to get Solheim out of the picture and give the kids peace/closure.

BONUS: MANON

She would definitely be the one who found out first! (whether being with Rody or babysitting for Vince), she has both Rody's sweetness and Vince's questionable methods (time to make Rody hide the body...)

____

(ESPAÑOL)

TW: MENCION/IMPLICACION DE ABU$O SEXUAL INFANTIL, TEPT EN NIÑOS, ASESINATO, ETC.

Hombre....

primero que nada, no creo que ni Vince ni Rody pasarian por desapercibido los cambios de actitud en sus respectivos niños, pero definitivamente al principio pensaban que era por la cuestion del Bullying que por otra cosa(aunque ellos sabian del profesor Solheim gracias a los malos momentos que hicieron pasar a los niños antes de esto, puedes decir que lo odiaban desde antes).

Sorprendentemente creo que Rody podria ser el primero en pensar que algo anda mal con Klaus en la escuela. Rody da mucha mas confianza que Vince, por lo que no seria raro si de la nada Klaus le dice a Rody que no quiere ir a la escuela o que puntualmente no quiere ir a las clases del profesor Solheim.

Rody lo encuentra raro al principio, pero pronto se da cuenta de que Klaus no pediria faltar a la escuela si realmente algo malo estuviera pasando(no solo el Bullying). esto + cuando Klaus empieza a tener episodios claros de PTSD, hacen que Rody no deje que Klaus vaya a la escuela y tenga una charla seria con el.

¿cuando Rody se entera? dios, esta destrozado de escuchar a Klaus decirle lo que paso y repitiendo que no es su culpa ¡y tiene razon! no es culpa de Klaus. Rody se centra en consolar a su hermanito y hacerle saber que no debe ocultar ese tipo de cosas, que lo ama y lamenta no haber podido evitar esto, etc. en general ambos llorando juntos un buen rato.

en cuanto a las acciones que tomaria Rody en contra de Solheim, es canon que el ocultaria un cuerpo por Manon, asi que puedo verlo llendo a patearle el trasero a Solheim e incluso amenazandole con no acercarse a Klaus nunca mas. y este sujeto es FUERTE(canónicamente podria romperte el brazo por ACCIDENTE, imagínate lo que podria hacer adrede), asi que no estara sarisfecho a menos que Solheim tenga 5 huesos rotos, por lo menos.

(no puedo profundizar mucho en lo legal porque Rody esta en quiebra, pero talvez podria convencer a los demas padres para presentar una demanda colectiva, igualmente siendo los 60s no creo que Rody quisiera poner a Klaus en esa situación o re-traumatizarlo).

Vincent, por otro lado, tardaria mas en darse cuenta de las señales de alerta, ya que si bien es observador, tambien esta constantemente ocupado durante los eventos del juego, por lo que probablemente lo mas cercano que tendria a una señal directa seria que una de las nannys de Karin dijera que ella esta actuando extraño.

y Vince empieza a notar estos cambios mas bruscos, el como Karin ahora es mas reservada e incluso grosera, el como casi ya no le habla(le tomaria una cantidad VERGONZOSA de tiempo), etc.

aunque la señal de alerta definitiva para Vince seria el 1) el que Karin no quiere que la bañen y 2) que ella nisiquiera quiera comer. el sabe que ALGO paso y que Karin esta muy traumada para decirlo, pero le esta dando señales bastante directas, lo que lleva a que se de cuenta de lo que paso, horrorizado.

Vince es definitivamente mas torpe a la hora de consolar a Karin, pero no le faltan ganas. principalmente trata de reconfortarla dandole sus comidas favoritas y dandole pase libre para hacer lo que quiera(faltar a la escuela, comer comida de afuera, etc). e incluso tratando de ser mas afectivo físicamente (dandole mas abrazos principalmente, esta experiencia definitivamente le hizo darse cuenta de lo mucho que extraña ese lado de Karin).

en cuanto a Solheim...tendra suerte si es que Vince decide tomar la ruta LEGAL(si fuera asi, Solheim no saldria nunca, ya que con lo conocido que es Vince, definitivamente la opinión pública DESTRUIRIA a Solheim). Vince tiende a ser erratico en momentos como este, por lo que seria muy facil para el deshacerse de Solheim PERMANENTE, es mejor asi, no tendria que preocuparse de que le haga daño a Karin nunca mas.

creo que Vincent se sentiria mas culpable de lo que deja ver, justamente porque Karin nisiquiera se siente comoda diciendole que fue lo que paso exactamente (probablemente lo explique por dibujos) y trataría de mejorar sus habilidades pedagógicas apartir de esto.

Rody realmente solo esta haciendo todo lo que puede y aun asi no se siente suficiente, aparte de que es probable de que vuelque toda esta culpa y malos sentimientos en Solheim (con una buena paliza).

eso si, no creo que ninguno de los dos deje que Karin/Klaus vayan a la escuela en un BUEEEEN tiempo, buena suerte con eso.

en general, ambos reaccionan de forma diferente, pero haran LO QUE SEA para sacar a Solheim de la foto y darle paz/cierre a los niños.

BONUS: MANON

¡definitivamente seria la que se entero primero!(ya sea estando con Rody o siendo niñera para Vince), tiene tanto la dulzura de Rody como los metodos cuestionables de Vince(hora de hacer que Rody oculte el cuerpo...)

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

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skittlespizza · 7 months ago

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Some thoughts about Shilo (and a lot of my thoughts about the aromantic reading of him)

Okay, so Shilo has been a character that's been spinning in my head pretty constantly. This isn't going to be organized but rather kind of just. Thoughts.

I see a lot of people interpret Shilo as a purely innocent person who has done no wrong wet cat, and yeah! He is! But the thing is, he's... done wrong. He's a vampire. There's something inherently evil in all vampires, and i believe this misconception stems from people not knowing the vtm lore. In VTM, all vampires have a beast inside of them, and this beast is inherently evil and cruel and animalistic, which is the part that forces vampires to feed. Shilo hasn't frenzied, he's never lost control of this beast but the fact he has one is enough to make him "not purely innocent", I'd argue he thinks he's innocent and hasn't done wrong but keep in mind he has zero hestitation throwing guards to die. He's indirectly killed several times, and that's not really something we can ignore when thinking about shilo.

He's also incredibly manipulative. He has no worries dominating or manipulating people for his own gain, and again, this comes from his sheltered life. This comes from him simply not knowing any better, but even then, this is a major flaw that i feel some people dont think about.

Shilo isn't rapunzel, Rapunzel isn't a killer, and she isn't manipulative with a disregard for people's lives. That is to say Shilo isn't pure evil, but rather, he's a morally grey character. He's killed, and he's manipulated, but you could argue that it came from a place of not knowing any better, but even then, he's still killed and manipulated. Do you see where the interesting moral dichotomy lies? Is he at fault for the evil he does if he doesn't know any better. I just dont like the "purely good" Shilo takes I've seen some people have.

The aromantic stuff:

I think it's rather well known I'm an aroace shilo truther (if im being honest, i have a distaste for armored pheasant to an extent, but that is not what this is about). I feel as if that's a rather crucial part of his character, and it's not unsubstantiated. He quite literally says he's incapable of having romantic feelings, and in the newest episode (i am not caught up, forgive me), I've heard there's more he says that hints towards this aromantic reading. He's had zero interest in romance, and the fact he was bloodbonded to Edward without his consent can have rather interesting implications that I believe could be expanded on. A lot of aromantics know that feeling of being told "I can fix you" or whatever and Shilo parallels it quite well with the experience he has had with Edward. Below is the quote where he says he's incapable of romantic love.

(This is my own personal opinion but I believe his character is also sort of dumbed down once someone ships him with Grefgore. A lot of people did from the get go, and I get and see the appeal but I also think they're better as friends but again, personal opinion and I don't care if you ship them but his character falls into the "only interesting for the shipping to the fandom" pit quite easily.)

There's something incredibly validating to have a character like Shilo, who's kind and silly and aromantic if that makes sense. Aromantic representation has been lackluster, and most representation is god awful (coughLovelesscough) so having Shilo would be really nice. He's not canon representation, yes. Unless Bizly straight up confirms it, it's just implied representation but come on. It's right there guys. Give us an aro win.

His character has a lot of interesting bits: a character who's only experience with the world is through media & book (hashtag autism), a character who's incredibly cruel yet kind, a character blind to his own flaws, an aromantic character who loves despite. Give me more morally grey Shilo, more guilty Shilo and most of all. More Aromantic Shilo.

#shilo bathory #shilo bathroy #jrwi #just roll with it #the suckening #jrwi the suckening #aromantic shilo bathory

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yesimwriting · 2 years ago

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hello! I was hoping for a Joel miller imagine where the reader gets hit on in a bar when she’s dating Joel and he sees this and confronts the guy and hits him because he’s aggressive and is all protective over the reader!

I love your writing and this would be amazing thank you xx

A/n first joel request,, slay

update: watched the new episode, bill and frank, still crying

i feel like this gives post outbreak joel a little more bc of the physical protectiveness,, but i can't remember if there's much/any descriptions of like literal bars in the QZ,, i've only watched the show and i don't remember seeing details,, like ik there's alc/pills available, but actual bars??

idk it's possible i've missed it or forgot bc i have terrible memory

so enjoy my 'makeshift' bar concept as i try my best to deviate from canon as much as possible

not to shamelessly self promo,, but if you like this fic i have another joel fic with what i feel like is a more developed version of this dynamic (bc it’s longer and more internal monologue centered) here and i’m making a part 2 for it so if you like these vibes and want something similar, it’s there, it exists :)

----

You're staring again, and trying your hardest to convince yourself that you're not. It's more than pointless, it's bordering on ridiculous.

Joel Miller is not some fleeting crush that’d fit somebody in grade school better than it’d fit you. Not anymore. You know what you are. You've had a talk. The kind of talk that you didn't think existed anymore in this world.

It wasn't exactly the rom-com 'what are we', but after a man Joel was dealing with got a little too friendly, it led to an argument. One you didn't fully understand, especially since Tess practically lived by his side.

Don't pretend, you might come off as all innocent, but you're too smart to be that naive. Men like that only have one intention.

And that had rightfully infuriated you, because after weeks of lingering touches that could be justified with a few words but never were and all the goddamn looks, he had no right to lecture you about another man's intentions with you. His intentions don't matter because that has no affect on me and who I am. Why the fuck does it even matter?

Why does it matter? It had been this subtle scoff of a response that made you take a step back. That made your back brush against the wall of his apartment. Because I don't want other men like that lookin' at you, let alone speaking to you.

The world stopped spinning on its axis and all the air preparing to leave your lungs was trapped with no where to go. Too many implications. 'Other men like that', the inclusion of himself in men that had those intentions. Maybe even more importantly, the implication that he’s some sort of exception.

Even more deafening, your response: Well maybe I wouldn't speak to them if you didn't entertain ev--

The rest of your sentence, whatever it would have been, was lost to his mouth on yours. A snapping of tension that took its time fizzling down to something less consuming. Something that allowed you both to talk enough to make it clear that Joel was yours and you were his.

It wasn't a magical snapping into place like it might have been in a world without the outbreak. In some ways, it added a new layer of hesitance, and in other ways it propelled you forward. There are growing pains with anything new, and the whole relationship thing is definitely new to you. Especially in this world.

If only you could get past staring. Maybe after Joel secures the whiskey-bourbon-hybrid whatever they're passing as alcohol these days from a less than trustworthy trading contact, you'll get buzzed enough to graduate to handholding, or at the very least, you'll be able to do something besides sit there.

You're starting to feel insane. How is making out easier than the small things? Maybe the setting is more at fault here than you. In the outside world, any form of attachment could easily be twisted into weakness. It’s likely best that you keep some distance from Joel here, especially with the way other men keep looking over at the two of you.

It’s not like you’re never awkward about the little things when confined safely between the walls of Joel’s place, that’s slowly but surely starting to feel like it’s at least partially yours, as well. But the way you get in public is something else entirely. It’s probably for the best. There are already too many eyes on you.

Like the guy with red hair that glints oddly in the yellow light of the stranger’s building. He’s swaying slightly, a dark looking glass in his hand that he’s yet to release in the entire time you’ve been here. Every time one of his friends leaves him, his gaze returns to yours.

Your skin crawls each time, but you keep your expression as stoic as possible. Joel’s getting better at trusting you, better at letting you serve as a sort of backup in the way that Tess usually would. You know that if it came down to it, the man that keeps looking at you wouldn’t be an actual issue, and you know Tess wouldn’t let it get to her.

Ugh. Another thing you want to get yourself to stop doing. Comparison. It’s ugly and so insignificant. Tess didn’t exactly welcome you with open arms when you first showed up, but you get that. And eventually she warmed a little. You think she’d still trade you for a few ration cards, but she doesn’t hate you. She’s, at the very least, no longer skeptical of you. The other day you caught her hiding a smile over a joke you made.

But it’s hard not to compare. They were the closest thing either of them had to a support system for years before you showed up, and you know that they’ve been together casually. Always casual. Joel stressed that part, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing to know, especially now.

You bury the thoughts the way you often do and turn your attention back to Joel. Back to staring. At least you’re consistent.

A man peaks out of the closet that seems to be the source of all the alcohol. He gestures vaguely in your direction. “That’s us,” Joel says, voice flat, “Wait here, I’ll be back.”

Nodding as if to dismiss your own thoughts, you beg your mind to not create imaginary problems by reading into him telling you to stay. He’s walking a few feet away to get some boxes, it’s not the rejection insecurity is making it out to be. “I’ll hold down the fort, keep away trouble.”

Joel blinks, turning his head in your direction briefly. The corner of his mouth turns up slightly, which is more of a reaction than he likes to give when in these kinds of places. He shifts his hand casually, his fingers brushing against yours briefly as he stands. The gesture is small but immediately dislodges the lump in your chest.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” It’s little more than a whisper, but there’s something hidden beneath the roughness of his tone. A pinch of lighthearted humor that’s only visible to you.

It eases you even further. Joel turns away, moving behind the long table serving as a sort of bar counter. You tap your fingers against the surface without much thought, taking a second to absorb the easiness of it all. It’s rare that getting anything require so little. You don’t think anything’s ever come as easy as sitting on an uncomfortable bar stool.

“So...” You blink, posture straightening as your eyes flit to the source of the sound. “Guard dog finally left you alone, princess?”

Okay. Ew. Of course it’s the guy that’s been staring you down since you first sat down. You have to fight to not let your nose wrinkle. There’s no good in reacting, in escalating the situation. “Not a guard dog.”

You hope that it’ll be enough to show that you’re not interested. “Aw, not feelin’ too friendly, baby.” Ew. You’re torn between cussing him out or actually punching him. Neither is an actual option. Places like these are a minefield and you refuse to be the one to set off a series of explosions. “Maybe you’ll cheer up after a drink, could get you one.”

Turning your head, you take a breath before replying. “I have enough friends.” The stranger is clearly apart of a group. You don’t know if you could call them all friends, you’re not sure there’s enough casual trust in the world left for genuine friend groups. But they’re at least acquaintances, or work associates, or maybe they met here, equally inebriated enough to accept each other. It doesn’t matter, the point is they were chatting up a storm before he decided to wander over here and bother you. “And it looks like you do, too.”

“Fine,” he relents too quickly, “Let’s not be friends, then.” His hand shoots forward, landing firmly--and disgustingly--on your waist. “Let’s be something else.”

You’re unsure if you’re more repulsed by his hand on you or how terrible that line was. Your own hand clasps his, pushing and pulling in an attempt to create a space. He’s relentless, even when your nails start clawing at him. “If you want to keep your hand, I suggest getting off of me.”

He blinks at your threat and then grins, flashing a smile that’s missing teeth. And then he laughs. A cold chuckle that makes its way beneath your skin. “God, I like them feisty.”

Shoving your fingers under his, you manage to pry him off of you. Your foot moves, heels smashing into his toes as subtly as possible. “And I like them when they know how to fuck off.”

His smile broadens, a cynical undertone to the look that makes it worse than before. “Oh, darling,” his hand finds your arm, tugging you forward, “You’re gonna pay for that.”

“Pay for what?” Relief washes through you before you’ve even fully registered the familiar, even timber of Joel’s voice. He’s speaking in a lower tone than usual, an icy rage that you can feel in your bones and it’s not even directed at you. “Touching what’s not yours, ‘cause you’re the only one doing that.”

There’s probably something you should say. A subtle warning to not go beyond scaring off the man that is clearly incapable of respecting a woman’s autonomy outside of another man’s claim over her. To not take it too far because it’s not worth it. Because you have it under control. Relatively.

Instead, you’re silent as the man releases you. He takes his time assessing Joel. The stranger is physically smaller and Joel does have that edge that only comes from someone that’s lost enough to be dangerous to anyone threatening what’s left.

The man holds his hands up in defense, his glass sitting precariously between his thumb and pointer finger. ��Easy, man.” You don’t even have to look at Joel to know that that was the wrong thing to say. “I didn’t mean any harm, if you set the price right, I’d be--”

The rest of the proposition is taken care of by Joel’s fist connecting with the man’s jaw. You hear the audible crack before your mind can make the connection between Joel’s quick movement and the man’s silence.

Holy shit. Joel didn’t just throw a punch, he threw a punch meant to shatter bone. He barely glances at you, and you’re too focused on the fact that Joel’s standing there, completely fine like he didn’t exert enough force to knock over a grown man. You blink as Joel extends the arm he’s been using to hold the small case.

You’re too shocked to do more than take the box. The implication of why he’d hand you the box while still standing there doesn’t settle until Joel’s throwing another punch. Each hit is more committed than the last, even when the stranger’s knees give in and he collapses.

Yeah, there’s definitely something you should say. Now. Like right now. You’d never ask him to hit anybody once, let alone do whatever he’s doing now. But words like ‘stop’ and ‘okay, think he gets it’ all jam themselves so far down your throat, you wouldn’t be able to pry them out with a wrench.

All you can do is watch. It’s the kind of morbid fascination that reminds you of what it felt like to drive a little slower when passing a car wreck. You’re rooted in place by a realization that’s always been there at the back of your mind, an implied awareness. Joel’s more than just prone to violence when he needs to be. He’s angry.

It should scare you. Terrify you. Your stillness should be some byproduct of that. But it’s not. Joe’s not a danger to you, he’s a danger for you.

It’s a level of protectiveness you never thought you’d experience. Your chest feels warm. You hope you’re not messed up enough to consider this some grand display of love. However, there’s a vulnerability in the violence you can’t deny. You’re in a public place, the kind of morally questionable people that are far from above exploiting vulnerability. And yet here he is, announcing an undeniable attachment.

Joel finishes, chest heaving and hands still curled into fists. The low light makes the thin layer of sweat on his skin seem like he’s practically glowing. His knuckles are already evidently split and swirling in distinct shades of blue and red. You’re mesmerized.

“You can’t do that shit here.”

That’s it. The only reprimand. In the world of before, he would have gotten the cops called on him. He would have gone to jail.

Joel looks up, mumbles something under his breath that sounds suspiciously close to fuck off. He then looks at you, gestures with a tilt of his head for you to follow, and walks forward.

You try not to think of what it must look like when you follow, quickening your steps to get closer to him after you’re out of focus. When you reach the door, Joel pulls it open with one hand and reaches for your fingers with the other.

----

The way your eyebrows draw together when you’re examining an injury is different than the way they pull together for anything else. It’s too focused to be concerned and too concerned to be focused.

Joel could stare at that expression for longer than he’d ever admit to. He could concentrate on that little line above your forehead and forget about everything else. “I’m fine,” he mutters, knowing that there’s no real point. You’ll do what you’re going to do when it comes to these kinds of things.

You nod absentmindedly, another small sign that you’re not as here as you normally odd. “It’d be awfully sad if you died of something as small as non-fungal infection.”

He swallows, minding that look behind your eye. Things are still normal, you’ve yet to show any sign of rejection. He kept your fingers locked practically the entire way here and you let him. Never pulled away.

It’s not like he needs to apologize. Joel did nothing wrong. He even gave you a minute to handle the situation, but the man was relentless. The kind of asshole that takes advantage of a world with little order to prey on women. Joel would do it again. And again. And again. There are no regrets there.

You’re not naive. You know what you signed up for when you accepted him. He’s never hid that from you. That doesn’t change the fact that you’ve always had a pension for forgiveness, a pinch of empathy the world hasn’t managed to snuff.

“You’re dramatic, anyone ever tell you that?”

A touch of a smile pulls on the corner of your mouth. “Hm. Think I’ve heard that once or twice from this one guy. Dark hair, dark eyes, cute, but not really my type.”

Joel smiles, a partial laugh escaping him. “Really?”

Turning over his hand with a gentleness he still finds difficult to understand, you press a quick kiss to his palm. You move back into your previous position so quickly it almost feels bashful. “I think you know the answer.” You flip his hand so that his knuckles face you again and go back to cleaning them. “You know, you didn’t have to...I wouldn’t have ever asked you to do that.”

Joel can’t help his partial smile at that. Like there was ever any doubt. “I know,” he manages, “You’re not that.”

It takes a second for you to understand what he’s implying. That you’re not like him. Yes, you get mad and you have nothing against putting people in their place, but you don’t like hurting people. Your lips part awkwardly, like you want to say he’s not that either, but you can’t. He just proved it to the both of you.

“Nothing wrong with being like that,” you say, all too casual, “So don’t say it like it’s this big thing.” There is no end to the level of understanding you offer him. He doesn’t deserve it, he never will. “And you’re not like that in the way you mean. That asshole was, you’re not.”

Joel lets out a low breath. Of course, even this you’d find a way to reframe. “You’d think so.”

“I’m right.” It’s a quick reply, and the exact kind of response he expected. “You’re not a shitty person just because you beat up some guy or any of the reasons you’re thinking. New world, new morals. Accept it.”

Your lips pull together into what’s almost a pout in your determination. Always so sure when it comes to him. “Mhm,” he breathes, watching your surprise at his compliancy. You know something’s coming, but not what. Your awareness does little to help you when Joel twists your hand in his pushes you back against the couch. “And what about you?”

He hasn’t grabbed your hands yet, but you stay still, eyes trained on him. “I am a lot meaner than you think I am.”

He tilts his head down to hide his amused expression. Your version of mean is fighting back. “You want to prove it?”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #tlou #tlou x reader #the last of us #the last of us x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfic #tlou show #tlou fluff

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bug-the-chicken-nug · 3 months ago

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brainrot over mlb again someone has probably already done this, sorry if that's true. also pre-emptive warning for intentional unhealthy dynamics but anyway: standard kwamiswap AU with Marinette getting Plagg and Adrien getting Tikki But along with this, it also posits that Marinette has always been "unlucky", and Adrien has always been "lucky". The AU then focuses on playing with the idea of this, making you suspect it's untrue, but then worry it really is true, exploring the implications of it, questioning if "destiny" is real or not, pointing out that sometimes "luck" is subjective, etc, etc. It's now specified that the bakery is struggling and Marinette's kinda poor, and she often kind of feels paranoid it's her fault (even though her parents have never actually told her this), or at least that they'd do better if it wasn't for her. They also often have less time and energy for her as a result of having to work harder to keep above water, which she unfortunately sometimes can't help but take the wrong way. Her misfortune also is what feeds into her need to plan everything, know people's schedules, and generally be a people pleaser. And with it cutting into funding for her fashion hobbies, and with her receiving less positive reinforcement and attention in the first place, she's just... generally sadder and less fulfilled than canon. Adrien meanwhile still lost his mom, but it's the standard "happened right after you got mad and wanted something bad to happen" setup, and now it's another part of why he's always so nice to people, because part of him is still subconsciously worried that he actually *can* influence bad things to happen to people just by hoping for it. Which has also progressed into a general recurrent anxiety over his lifestyle in general, and a fear that being rich at all is depriving and harming others. I also feel like they have altered hero personas and dynamics as a result of all this too Like Lady Noir steadily becomes kind of a show off, previously starved for praise and attention, and has somewhat more of a temper and a mean streak, due to using Lady Noir to unbottle her frustrations with her life. She also kinda resents Mr. Bug (btw, my placeholder rename for him is Scarlet) at first out of envy, especially because at first she kinda feels hurt and insulted by the idea of now having to be the "destructive" hero of "misfortune". Which progresses into a tsundere kinda deal where she's in love, but would rather explode than admit it (in part because she's terrified that if she admits to it and acts on it, she'll just fuck it up anyway) Scarlet still jokes and quips, but Lady Noir's increased volatility kinda taught him to back off early on, and the vibe is more like "concerned for her/trying to cheer her up" than "in love with her". He's also more pacifistic than Chat, and generally a bit more cautious and not as outwardly carefree about heroism in general, because of his increased anxiety about not wanting to make anyone suffer. It's honestly kinda toxic at first, because Lady Noir starts taking the lead (specifically *Scarlet's* idea in the first place, to try and help her loosen up and feel more confident), only for this to kinda backfire on Scarlet, because she becomes kind of bossy and starts blaming him when things go wrong, to protect her own ego. Then, the civilian relationship's also changed in a way that contrasts it. This version of Marinette is... technically into Adrien, but not pursuing or even properly realizing it, because she's so deeply convinced she doesn't deserve him that she represses the hell out of it. But Adrien kinda compensates, because he still feels a similar compulsion to try to cheer her up as Marinette too, especially because Chloe's mean to her, so that makes him feel indirectly guilty because he's Chloe's friend

So the civilian dynamic, ironically, is that they bond much faster, and Marinette follows him around like a meek, docile, undyingly loyal puppy, and will do *anything* he says. But it's *still* kinda unhealthy this way too, even though he's always nice to her. She gets it in her head that he's the only one who can "cancel out" her bad luck, making her get needier and clingier (while also being guilty about it, but not able to stop) And meanwhile, he gets kinda overprotective and smothery, while being the first one to get feelings for her. Partly because caring for her is something he chose for himself, and gives him a sense of actual purpose, compared to his disillusionment with his other responsibilities, partly because she makes him feel special for more than just his status or the stuff he has. So yeah, it DOES all get better, but it's Definitely a "gets worse before it gets better" kinda thing (at the very least, there comes a point where realizing that she's kinda being like Chloe is enough to snap Lady Noir out of the way she treats Scarlet)

#mlb #mlb au #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #adrienette

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mychlapci · 2 months ago

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Episode Two - Darkness Rising, Part 2

Okay so Starscream establishes that the Decepticons have access to multiple energon mines, with the one shown at the beginning of the episode holding the most energon. He also calls one of the vehicons, drone, which implies that they’re not sentient beings. This would make sense since they’re canon fodder and mostly serve to flesh out the actual army that the Decepticons have since making a ton of unique character models would be expensive as fuck.

However, we see in later episodes that the vehicons can speak, a feature I find odd if they’re just meant to be mindless drones following order. This brings up a whole bunch of horrifying implications since the Autobots regularly rip vehicons to pieces in battle.

I’m gonna be 100% honest, I hate the dark energon plotline. Not only because it completely undermines Megatron as a leader and makes him look like a fucking idiot for just shoving it directly into his spark chamber, but also just because TFP is going to have soooo many plotlines down the road and out of all of them, dark energon will just continue to stick out like a sore thumb.

I do appreciate that Ratchet is just a hater. Like he just wants to leave and 100% respect him. So far he’s the only character to have actually funny lines.

God I forgot how ugly Fowler’s model is. Like the other humans look okay, but they did him dirty.

“BULKHEAD I NEEDED THAT!”

Optimus for the love of god put your mask back on. Please man you actually look hot that way.

“Pretty big bearings, for a human.” What did he mean by this? Bulkhead what did you mean by that?

Starscream will continue to be the only right person in this show. Like it will literally be Megatron’s fault that they loose their biggest energon mine because he decided to reactivate Cliffjumper’s corpse in the middle of it. And then, when things start going south, he’ll just order Starscream to blow up the entirety of the mine instead of trying to save it. Like TFP Megatron is a terrible fucking leader and from what we’re told, Starscream was actually doing a pretty damn good job of collecting energon considering in the three years that Megatron was gone, no one even once noticed the cons and their mining operations.

Basically TFP Megatron is a terrible leader and IMO the show would’ve been 10000% more interesting if they actually let Starscream be a competent individual instead of just turning him into Megatron’s chew toy.

Grrrr. Listen Miko, girl, I think you’re fine and all but good lord read the goddamn room. Every single one of the robots are talking about their friend, who has been presumed dead and you’re asking about the fight? I don’t think I would actually mind this behaviour if Miko actually had other things going on with her character. Like we hear about her host family a lot but not once do we actually see them. Perhaps her extreme thrill seeking behaviour is a result of being shipped off to nowhere Nevada by her family back home, or maybe her host family ignores her and she resorts to getting into danger as a method of acting out.

Still sticking with my opinion that TFP Optimus is built like an uppercase T. He’s gonna fucking fall over he’s so top heavy.

God the size shifting in this show is insane. Like Arcee is like 3x the size of her actual altmode.

I really wish Jack wouldn’t compare his fucking girl problems to Arcee’s partner literally dying. Those two things are not even remotely comparable in terms of emotional damage. Also it just makes him sound really fucking childish and petty that she has the audacity to be angry and annoyed about being forced to babysit some human teenager. Maybe they could’ve had Jack say “I know what’s it’s like to loose someone too Arcee…” Instead of just making him complain about girl trouble. That also would set up a potential plotline involving his absent father. Maybe he died?

It’s really funny that June didn’t see Arcee in the garage despite the fact that she’s literally in the driveway when Arcee reacts to her pulling up. Like there is zero way that she didn’t see the massive robot sitting in her garage.

WHY DO THEY KEEP SETTING UP WEIRD ROMANTIC NOTES WITH JACK AND ARCEE?! HE’S SIXTEEN FOR FUCKS SAKE.

ONCE AGAIN COMPLETELY UNDERMINING MEGATRON AS A EVEN REMOTELY COMPETENT LEADER BY MAKING HIM SHOVE AN UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE INTO HIS SPARK CHAMBER!!!!

Other Notes

They should’ve put Megatron down.

Episode Three - Darkness Rising, Part 3

Okay the little gesture Miko does when she pats Bulkhead’s interior and then puts her hands in her lap is so fucking cute. Bulkhead and Miko dynamic my beloved <3

At this point you could replace Soundwave with a piece of cardboard and literally nothing would change. Like… he just stands there, repeating other people’s voice lines. What even is the point of him?

5:22’s Transforming scene between Arcee, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead really demonstrates how big the bots are and how fucking ridiculous their altmodes really are.

Ratchet should be allowed to kill I think.

Okay Optimus says ‘Late in the war’ when referring to the energon deposites on Earth but like… it had to have happened before humans became a fully fledge civilization creating species, because Ratchet seems confused about Earth being a potential battlefield. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE TIMELINE MAN?????

I will never forgive what they did to Laserbeak. Like what the fuck is that ugly ass thing? Also adds to the continued problem in TF media where the cassettes don’t get to be actual characters and are instead just tools to be used by Soundwave. At the very least if they actually gave Soundwave a proper personality we might’ve been able to glean information about Laserbeak. Or hey maybe an inverse where Laserbeak acts as Soundwave’s voice, speaking for him in front of other characters. That would’ve given both of them an interesting dynamic.

OH AND THE FACT THAT LASERBEAK IS ALSO AROUND THE SIZE OF A GODDAMN HELICOPTER???? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK???? That cannot possibly be right. And Laserbeak has tentacles… yeah okay fucking whatever I guess.

Gah I don’t like the Agent Fowler kidnapping plotline. It feels out of place when the focus should really be on Optimus and Ratchet trying to stop Megatron. I think it would’ve been better suited for it’s own episode outside of the five pilot episodes.

“About five years ago, the government started microchipping their agents.” As an American, yeah that is something my government would do.

Y’know what, I think I would’ve been 100% okay with Miko throwing herself headlong into danger if she actually got a character arc where she realised how fucking dangerous and stupid of a decision that is. Like obviously TFP isn’t actually going to injure their child protagonists, but like… the show also wants me to be worried about the kids getting injured when they end up in situations and it falls flat when the Cybertronians are constantly telling Miko not to do stupid shit and then she never really learns her lesson, despite it nearly getting her and her friends killed on several occasions.

Honestly if they’d just moved Fowler getting kidnapped to being it’s own episode, we probably could’ve cut down Darkness Rising to four parts instead of five.

I think the showrunners should’ve allowed Ratchet to fucking maul Megatron right out the gate. It would’ve been funny and would’ve put Megatron out of commission way earlier.

Episode Four - Darkness Rising, Part 4

I enjoy the little detail that you don’t actually see Miko getting out of Bulkhead when Raf and Jack do.

Once again good lord I hope the vehicons aren’t sentient. Because otherwise Bulkhead is just killing so many people.

Bulkhead’s voice actor nailed that MIKO?! perfectly.

HOW THE FUCK DID MIKO JUST SLIDE ACROSS THE FLOOR LIKE THAT? HUMANS DO NOT HAVE THAT LEVEL OF TRACTION.

Y’know for as much as the fandom and the show love to hype up Soundwave as this guy who can see everything on the Nemesis and knows exactly what is going on at all times, he’s sure doing a pretty shit job of noticing three autobots breaking into the ship with their human companions.

ONCE AGAIN I REALLY HOPE THAT THE VEHICONS AREN’T SENTIENT BECAUSE OTHERWISE THE AUTOBOTS ARE GOING TO BE SO HYPOCRITICAL WHEN THEY SAY THEY CARE ABOUT ALL LIFE.

Why did they animate Raf putting the backpack on? Literally why did he do that instead of just running with the backpack in his hand?

Y’know what, shoutout to Jack for having the most normal reaction to being put in a life threatening situation. Miko is acting far too chill about all of this and I think it’s really weird how they keep having characters tell her that she could keep dying and then the dialogue serves no purpose because she just turns around and goes ‘Well I almost died too.’ Like girl that is not helping your case. Your actions nearly got yourself and a twelve year old killed. Again this wouldn’t be a problem if Miko actually learned a minor lesson about throwing herself headlong into danger. But she doesn’t learn.

She can still be weird girl extraordinar who loves robots and Bulkhead and metal music and thrill seeking without putting her friends in harm’s way. Like that is perfectly feasible!

LMFAO RATCHET IS SO FUCKING READY TO BE DONE WITH THEM. God he truly is the funniest part of this show so far.

Ugh… yay the first of many Starscream beatings. It is kinda funny how he sounds like he’s being choked but Megatron’s foot isn’t anywhere near his throat.

Okay Miko, your speech is falling on deaf years because you did actually almost get people killed. Like… girl… you did almost die and I don’t think saying ‘Oh well I went to the best school and had a loving family but I was stifled and didn’t get to be as weird as I wanted to be which is exactly why you should come back to hang out in a place that is liable to get you killed with me.’ will the change the fact that the guy you’re trying to convince nearly died.

Other Notes

Honestly, as much as I was ragging on Miko for the last couple of paragraphs, I do not actually hate her. I actually enjoy her moments with Bulkhead and the rest of the human cast in the base quite a bit. What I hate is how the show really wants you to think it’s super dark and gritty and oh my god the characters are at risk of getting injured and dying and then one of the main characters literally runs headlong into danger, nearly gets her friends killed, and then refuses to really sit down and understand why exactly her behaviour is dangerous for everyone around her.

Like genuinely, think about it, what happens if Miko gets injured? Her host family all of a sudden have to deal with the fact that a child they’re legally responsible for has been hurt and then they have to explain that fact to her actual parents. Then the Cybertronians will be liable for Miko’s injuries as well. Like her actions could have genuine consequences for so many other people than just Jack and Raf and if the show actually decided to commit to the fact that she could get hurt, we might have actually had an interesting plot line on our hands. But no, Miko will continue to throw herself into danger because ‘Oh the big robots are so cool and even though they’re literally in a war that’s actually causing them physical and emotional harm, i’m going to continue to talk about it like it’s a video game.’

God girl… I wish you were written better.

Episode Five - Darkness Rising, Part 5

Why does Megatron keep hating on Starscream, he’s literally just standing there 90% of the time. He hasn’t even done anything wrong in the five episodes he’s existed.

I think it’s really funny that Soundwave has to be at the radio array in person to deal with the goal of getting the space bridge to turn towards Cybertron. And also that scene is so funny because he’s just hunched over, tentacles sucking away at a random console, not even in any of the ports, just latched onto the box itself. What is he even doing? How do those tentacles even work in terms of extracting data?

Literally the very next scene shows Soundwave flipping through the cameras remotely so why does he even need the tentacles? And also what the fuck was he doing in the last episode when the autobots were breaking Fowler out of the brig, was he just taking a nap, or does he not have access to the Nemesis’ camera system?

I wish Megatron would’ve stayed dead. The maybe Starscream could be an actual character instead of a punching bag.

RATCHET WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? TREAT HER DAMMIT?!

Other Notes

Okay so despite my less than stellar reviews so far, I would actually rate the Darkness Rising Arc with a solid 6.5/10. Like they're not bad episodes, especially not as a set of opening episodes to get people hooked on the show. I merely have the benefit of having watched the show before and am therefore able to make judgements based off of preexisting knowledge.

------

alright and here is part two of my tfp watch through! another person recommended that i watch the rest of the darkness rising episodes since they're very much meant to be viewed sequentially in a single sitting. i technically watched eight episodes since i do an initial watch through and then a second watch through where i take notes.

-burnt ice anon

scrolling through this wall of text going Hey what the hell Until i realized we just passed a friday, and we’re reviewing tfp every friday now.

I’ll be completely honest with you right off the bat I will have to disagree, I fuckin love tfp Megatron I think he’s so funny. I have zero notes, his dark energon plotline is also funny to me. I get where you’re coming from about his character and role, but I guess but I love a good crazy bitch. He’s a hater after my own heart.

one thing i guess i just have to dedicate an entire paragraph to is the Jack comparing his girl problems to Arcee’s loss because I also always thought it was weird, but upon rewatch I realized that… he doesn’t? Like if I’m not mistaken, he’s referring to Arcee as his girl problems. Which is, admittedly, still kinda rude, but it makes more sense, considering that she (albeit by accident and unwillingly) dragged him into mortal danger. Sorry, I just thought that was interesting.

as for Miko… I always have to defend her. She’s fourteen, lacks self-preservation skills, and is insensitive at times because her excitement gets her faster than social norms do. She’s got a brand of adhd i sure know well. She IS however out of place with her excitement, considering how like, gritty and real tfp is trying to be, she would actually fit much better in a more lighthearted tf show. The writers never seemed to know where to take her, always keeping whether she’s learnt her lesson semi-ambiguous just in case they have to find an easy reason for the bots to be at a specific place or do a specific thing. But to be completely honest I never had any desire to see Miko learn her lesson. Also, people do need to cut her some slack, all she really wants to do is watch Transformers, something we get to do on tv, but she has to sneak through ground bridges and stuff to get a tiny piece of action. Sorry, this turned into a Miko appreciation paragraph. i can’t help myself.

#hmmm sorry i answered this and then i forgot to post it #i do love reading your notes so much it’s so fun #texty

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therese-lokidottir · 2 months ago

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Fucking pissed off at all the retconning of Loki’s backstory and his pain in the series. And how it rendered people virtually blameless according to some fans. The more I read, the more annoyed I get.

It’s not Thor, The Warriors 3, and Odin’s fault anymore they were so awful, it wasn’t that Loki was outcasted for being different- It’s the TVA making them that way because Loki should be a villain. Loki was born to be a villain. Also Odin “loves” Loki and Loki should have appreciated that.

Rightful king of Jotunheim? Wrong! Loki was just born to be a buttmonkey villain. It’s not his birthright. Infact, let’s not touch Loki’s self hatred over his heritage to the point people don’t even know he’s a frost giant if they haven’t seen any of the previous films.

It’s not Thanos who sent Loki- It’s the TVA who made him that way because Loki should be a villain and is naturally evil. Also he was mad at his Brother and Father and had a tantrum.

And Dark World and Hell, even Ragnarok where Loki does fucking GOOD deeds? Ignored. Loki should be a villain. He’s never done any good deeds ever and was always a villain cuz he has the TVA pulling his strings. (Let’s face it, the MCU dislikes Thor 1 and Dark World.)

All of his trauma seems to be retconned and all the people who hurt him are now considered blameless because they were puppets too, basically. Loki is supposed to be an evil punching bag and nothing more. It sucks his relativity away. It sucks his moral grayness away. It sucks his trauma away as “Not actually real, really. No one hurt him- or at least no one to blame hurt him. He’s just the evil punching bag of the MCU, but like it’s not the TVA’s fault either cuz they saved him and are just doing their job, and were brainwashed, or some shit. 🤷🤷” Fuck this series, fuck Waldron. This series has such a terrible understanding of nihilism and an anti-Free will message to boot, it’s not as smart as it thinks it is. No one writing on this liked Loki or knew anything about him, and it’s clear. And now the writers have the absolute nerve to say that “Asgard was Toxic to Loki and he finally has people who care about him”? Now???? When the people who “cared” were probably just as bad if not worse than Asgard???? I’m sorry for ranting- I’m just so annoyed. This is why nothing in the series will ever be canon to me and what they’re saying now is annoying. Not even the series Variant of Loki is canon to me. :( Fuck the TVA plot. (I’m beginning to wonder if the writers see people who were outcasted and othered as “pathetic”……)

Yeah, I get it I've made my rants as well

Really, the entire premise of the series and the TVA have an implication no one seem to realize and that they don't actually want to explore. It's frustrating because really what it is that no one is any certain way, it just that anyone who goes off the path is murdered.

The Loki of the void fighting of the example of how both shallow the writing is and how it contradicts and doesn't even explore its own concepts. They say Lokis who try to fix themselves end up in the void, but then it just goes with the idea that Loki is evil and selfish. So, why even have that line at all?

It's such a poorly written show that because of its need to make loki to be terrible any interesting end up going down the drain. Also, because it's so unclear what the actual rules are. There are no implications of what is actually true vs what the characters are claiming so you have to take what the characters say at face value and that is frustrating and often contradictory to what was established early in canon.

#asks #loki series critical

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hopefull-mindset · 10 months ago

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do you believe mori is a pedo or a lolic0n? I don't! but I just wanted to ask you about what you thought about it ><

Oh dear, this is the type of discussion I was thinking about but was too much of a shitfest to really dip my foot in. It's an incredibly loaded discussion to have, so I'll talk about this to the best of my abilities.

Let’s start with me saying that there is no good answer to this and it’s not as easy as “the grass is green”. There is no “I'm right” and “you're wrong”. I know the answer looks obvious at first glance, especially if you choose to primarily look at his relationship with Elise that way, but Asagiri makes some decisions that put this belief into question.

However, we can’t blame anyone for seeing Mori a certain way due to Asagiri’s choices in a poor tasted gag, so I don’t think I can ever say someone completely misunderstood Mori’s character (at least, in this regard) when we ask this question. We cannot chalk up this belief about Mori to be the fault of the audience misunderstanding him because of some “translation error” because it blatantly ignores the fact this is a joke Asagiri chooses to make a lot.

I am also not defending Asagiri when I call it a joke because it's obvious to me that's all he sees it as: a joke. Not a great one, but it's there. It's as serious as the Tanizaki siblings should be taken (kinda wish people knew that there's implications about them not being siblings more though, even if it won't make it much better for them).

Just needed to lay that out before I started talking so I'm not misunderstood when I talk about the questionability of labeling him this. I do think we need to talk more about Asagiri’s position in this when this is brought up, so I will be doing that as well.

Firstly, Elise is not the product of sexual desire came to life. That's something people understand the least if they keep looking at her in this point of view. I've seen many frame the connection between her and Yosano to be one where Mori “finds out his type to be younger”, which yuck! Thankfully, I can debunk this by just bringing in Beast Mori.

It's a little comical that people are insistent that they have nothing to do with each other when they have no problem doing so with any other character from Beast. As of canon right now, we have no idea about any specification on how this ability works or how he controls it. My assumption is that it has to partially do with Mori’s need for a companion while not needing to give himself up and be vulnerable with others. He tends to have that problem of looking over his shoulder, like with Dazai and presumably kicking him out because of the typical human fear of death.

I also tended to notice that in the three ways Elise shows up, she forms into someone that Mori might need at the moment and reflective of his mindset. During the Great War, she is at her most subservient and robotic when Mori’s mind was only on gaining the most optimal solution with no consideration for anyone’s feelings.

Post-Great War to the present day, she has been a bratty child and a lot like 11-year-old Yosano with a bow in the same place her butterfly was. She is human and expressive when he can't afford to be and a living reminder of the child he had broken down for the price of an optimal solution. If you were to ask me, Mori has grown in his mindset with the help of Fukuzawa. To consider more heart and comradery than he used to when navigating the Port Mafia. Like how he saw worth in learning about dead subordinates when Ango was insistent on filing them.

In BSD Beast, he is able to roam without considering the need for the optimal solution and Elise appears as a 20-year-old adult bratty as ever. He needs a fellow caretaker to take care of the orphanage he was put in charge of, and has let himself come back into touch with his humanity when caring for these children.

I can’t give you any personal answer for why Asagiri chose to name it “Vita Sexualis” or why her age changes like that. I don’t know what goes on in his mind and we haven’t been given any specifics. We should remember that Asagiri was actually hiding that she was his Ability up until Cannibalism arc, and that this name might not mean anything you think it does.

Why? I have no idea why Asagiri did this. I think he was having fun tormenting us with what this ability name could mean from.

I also hadn’t finished Vita Sexualis because I have a lot on my reading list, but even if it’s described as an “erotica” by public sources, your expectations of what that means might not actually be lived up to. I think one of the most creative answers to her age and this chosen name instead of “Dancing Girl” (the book of which she’s based on) have to do with the real Mori’s love of children as a father and the act of intercourse being what gives life.

But even without those bits of speculation, I have already made it clear why she has nothing to do with sexual influence and I wish people talked about her out of that type of context. She has not been sexualized by the narrative or by Mori himself. If you saw the scene where she was undressed and Mori was begging her to put on some clothes as it it was creepy, that was your choice. She has also never been put in a genuine romantic light by him ever in this story.

The omake where he calls Elise his wife is not definite evidence of some belief he genuinely has of her. If you actually read it and don't look at our context panels, it's obvious that he's doing it to ruffle Fukuzawa’s feathers and get a reaction out of him. Besides poking at his integrity, I would also assume he would do so because he can't just call her his daughter as he'd usually would in these situations since he doesn't tend to reveal it publically. King-in-Yellow made a good contribution in context to why Kafka Asagiri would make this joke with Mori and Elise.

Please note that Elise is also not a real child or his daughter, but another piece of him like all abilities are. Do not separate them in a conversation and act as if she's her own person. Abilities have shown to be able to act on their own and take over their user (Shibusawa, Fukuchi potentially, Gab from 55 Minutes), but that does not mean they have become their own being. They are still restricted by the humanity of their user and these cases only happen when the user is dead or is facing backlash against their own ability’s power.

Moving on, I need to talk about Asagiri and the way he chooses to frame Mori’s fondness for cute little girls because there is no way else to talk about these jokes and not sound like an ass unless I speak about it like this.

Now, Mori has not done anything in his actions to be pedophilic currently except these very vague “maybe, maybe not” jokes. No sexualization of Elise, no praying on Yosano, and especially nothing with Dazai???? Where did that come from???

Cases of these jokes in manga:

Ending of the guild arc where he says about how he only deals with young girls under 12 in repknss to Kouyou (do not bring up the dub, I will stare at you frowning for not acknowledging the fact that Dubs tend to be very off to fit the mouth flaps)

Fukuzawa commenting how he still has his dumb facination with cute girls

Omake (already talked about that)

The first example is where he responds to Kouyou’s words of sticking around to help and protect him in the organization. This is not a joke about sexual attraction, this is a questionable joke about her age as most media does about women at times. The “lolicon” -ness of it is still there of course, but please understand the point of it. The other implies she's flirting with him, and for him to make a joke that pokes at her for somehow flirting would be incorrect. To emphasize this, the manga chooses to translate this as “I only protect young girls”.

To explain the second example, we need to talk about the disconnect between us as an audience and Asagiri’s way of using Lolicon. On a trope basis, lolicon is when the creator presents a prepubescent-looking girl of varying “ages”, but still acts like a child and is continuously sexualized by the creator to cater to the male character’s gaze. Mori… is not written like that or is Elise for the matter like I brought up earlier, but then why does Asagiri joke about it even outside the text?

If you've ever been around this crowd in anime spaces, you would know one of the first things people say to explain it is not what I said. They’d say it's a trope about “cute little girls and fawning over them”, and then everything else is left for you to figure out. I have no idea what Asagiri actually thinks about this (probably pretty indifferent), but I'm baffled by his very surface-level take on Lolicon being presented into his own work.

This is one of those times where you have to think of Asagiri as another anime fan first rather than a creator in that space. Asagiri is just a guy who became internet famous briefly for his Touhou Cthulhu TRPG series and got signed into making his own nerdy manga about literature.

For Asagiri to narratively compare it to Fukuzawa’s love for cats, it's telling to me how this supposed “lolicon” joke is supposed to be seen. I don't think Asagiri would willingly put him in charge of an orphanage of all things and then expect us to actually think of him as a Pedo.

This has had me boggled for a while on what to think, but in the end, thinking of him as one would leave me more baffled than if he wasn't. Authorial intent can't always stop us from actually seeing what looks like, but on top of everything else… well? What am I supposed to think?

So no, I don't believe that he's a pedophile and I hope it stays that way. Sorry this took a bit to write, I needed to build some semblance of my thoughts without gaining a headache. I wish this fandom had a better discussion about him half the time and created their own opinions instead of falling back on “Oh he abused Dazai” or “that he's a nasty pedophile who should be locked up for his crimes”.

Lolicon and Pedophilia are interlocked when you speak about them, so it'd be wrong of me to completely disregard these ideas on Mori. I just thought we needed to have a better conversation on this than some accusations thrown around about who's correct. This topic deserves a bit more maturity and care than I've seen some talk about.

#thank you for asking!#bsd #bungou stray dogs #mori ougai #bsd elise #bsd meta #bsd analysis #oh jeez #im tryinh to rub out this headache #I don't care if people are avoidant on having a decent discussion about these things #christ #just do it for the sake of yourself and entertain that people can have different views for good reason #Mori is a lying liar who lies

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charalysis · 1 year ago

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Sebastian Vael

Opinion: Sebastian Vael isnt boring, you all are merely unwilling to recognize a victim of religious brainwashing and abuse when it’s someone like him.

Firstly, let’s establish a timeline.

Canonically, in Act 3 of Dragon Age two, Sebastian claims he has not seen Starkhaven, his home, in fifteen years. He was forced into the Chantry shortly after his grandfather gave him his bow, which was at 13 years old, making Sebastian, at minimum, 13 when he was forced into the Chantry. This timeline honestly doesn’t sit right with me. Given the reason his family put him into the Chantry was they were “worried he would sire a bastard child”, this implies Sebastian, at 13 years old, just hitting puberty, was already having such an active sex life (which has alarming implications on it’s own), that his parents decided to take action and force him into Chastity.

I find it far more likely Sebastian was 16 at youngest when he was doing this, thus making him 31 or so by Act 3. While a hypersexual 16 year old is still concerning, it’s far more believable than a 13 year old.

Regardless, Sebastian was shoved into the Chantry between 13-16 years old in Kirkwall, under the watchful eyes of Grand Cleric Elthina.

To understand Sebastian’s behavior, we must understand Elthina’s interactions with him.

Elthina plays the roll of overbearing and manipulative mother to Sebastian, as he doesn’t seem to ever see his mother again after being thrown into the Chantry. Elthina, throughout DA2, is seen berating Sebastian for his behavior, for his mere personality. Sebastian acts impulsive, she yells as him, he makes friends outside the Chantry, she yells at him. He’s considering his faith and trying harder to be devout, it’s not good enough, and she yells at him. Elthina repeatedly comes at Sebastian like a chastising mom and gets frustrated when he questions her or disagrees. Elthina is even seen/ heard trying to make things Sebastian’s fault, as if his impulsive and inquisitive personality is glaring flaw. She does not tolerate him questioning her.

Sebastian always leaves his conversations with Elthina confused or frustrated, as she’s defensive and shuts him down immediately.

Given this, we may also examine Sebastian’s habit of relating things back to Andrastianism and his faith. Based on how hard Elthina drills things into his head with Hawke around, it’s entirely possible that before Hawke arrived in his life, Sebastian blindly followed whatever she said. It’s not exactly clear what Sebastian specifically dealt with before he met Hawke, but given Kirkwall’s Chantry is as corrupt as the rest of the city, there’s a possibility he wasn’t fed his beliefs and the Chant of Light by reading.

When Sebastian recites things about the Maker or the Chant, at times it feels as though he’s more so trying to convince himself more than anything, especially given he doesn’t try to push his beliefs onto others. The closest he gets to that is A) helping Fenris navigate his own struggles with faith, B) suggesting to Merrill it’s possible both faiths are correct and can can coexist.

Another thing that leads me to believe he’s not as invested in his faith as he claims is one quote from him to Varric. “Varric, would the Maker but approve, you and I could be more than the best of friends”.

Opinion: Youre gonna look me in my eyes and tell me that’s a straight sentence from a heterosexual man??????????

It’s established that Sebastian was going to be bisexual, but that the devs decided he was only to be romancable by Female Hawke due to him being in the Chantry.

Thus another thing Sebastian is forced to hide about himself.

Sebastian’s interactions with Elthina often leave him sad, distressed, and confused. It’s these moments that often make him question himself more than any other time. He expresses regret after acting out of anger fueled impulse and questions if it was the right thing to do, but after Elthina berates him, he’s more likely to question his own thoughts and personality as it relates to her and their shared faith. She has whittled away at his self worth that he actively talks about how his behavior, no matter how justified, isn’t appropriate.

And this all STILL doesn’t even talk about the issues he must have had as the youngest of three in a royal family. His parents had their heir and their spare, where did that leave him? He never mentions his parents much, only his grandpa, and even directly brings up the heir and spare thing. I’m willing to bet Sebastian was an oopsie baby; an unexpected third child in the family and due to him not fitting into the heir/spare dynamic, his parents focused on their older sons, ensuring they got attention and proper ruling education. This would leave Sebastian to be raised by servants and taught by his grandfather, I also find it possible that Sebastian may have had a decent age gap between himself and his siblings, thus further isolating him from his family. In fact, that could explain why he’s so accepting of others in the Kirkwall gang ragging on him. It’s interaction and attention.

This could also explain the copious amounts of sex and partying that lead to him getting tossed into the Chantry. He got attention from his bed mates and fellow partiers, and eventually it got his parents to pay attention to him. Though it inevitably backfired on him, as they tossed him away to forget about.

TL;DR: Sebastian Vael was likely neglected emotionally and has suffered from Chantry brainwashing and never realized. He’s not boring, most just find him irritating due to their own issues with religion and don’t look at what his backstory truly is.

#sebastian vael #dragon age sebastian #dragon age 2 #da2 #da2 sebastian #character analysis #long post #dragon age #prince sebastian vael

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sneppu · 2 months ago

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uhhh idk lily thoughts (I'm about to spew critical rambling bullshit, big sorry. these things are my badly worded opinions and nothing else.)

thinkin bout how my feelings for Lily are so complicated tbh.. in canon, I cannot like her. I just can't. The disconnect between what the narrative tries to tell us about her and the reality of who she is and what she does are just too jarring to me. for all that she's meant to be a paragon of virtue and goodness, her actions and choices come across wrong and off and bad in a way that is visceral to me, as someone who has been bullied and sexually assaulted myself. And to clarify, I'm not talking about her breaking off her friendship with Severus; she had every right to do that, and I dont think I've seen a single Snape fan actually seriously state otherwise - but because she *knowingly and deliberately chose to get with an abusive bully.* That she and Snape were no longer friends is irrelevant to me. I understand not everyone feels this way, and that's fine. But It's important to me, and so it carries weight to me. The implications are just too offputting to me, and yes, I am biased. Snape is my favorite little guy, after all. I dont pretend otherwise. To each their own, and she, as written in canon, is certainly not for me, historical context and location be damned.

So i can't like her in canon. If anything, I cant help but feel acute resentment for her character, because it feels almost like betrayal to be told "here is a perfect and good person" and then get.. that. Ironically, I would like her a whole lot more if the narrative didnt try insist on her goodness and instead was just like "actually, ngl she was kinda shitty sometimes. questionable as hell. she was a bit of a gremlin and a little bit fucked up" because then it would feel honest. she would no longer feel like a hypocrite to me, and then those moments of kindness would carry more weight, would feel more meaningful. Her actions would be more believable, would feel more nuanced and I would maybe even love her.

...and that, ultimately is what my problem with her is. she has all the potential to be such an interesting character, but she instead falls short of being a full character at all. it's not her fault; this is a jkr skill issue (and her portrayal of female characters in general leaves A Lot to be desired.), so in the end i'm not too pressed.

its exactly why i like Lily so much more in the context of fanworks. Canon lily? offputting. An incomplete character. but fanfic lily? such potential! she could *actually* be the good person she was meant to be and make different choices or at very least have reasoning that makes more sense! or she could go a new direction entirely and be an absolute gremlin menace alongside Snape and in the process, add more interest and nuance that way! all of these things are enjoyable, and for this reason i cannot say I truly hate her - because I do love her so so much when people make her their own and make her make sense, to do her justice and preserve what - i think - would have been that spark that brought Severus and Lily together in the firstplace - whether it be genuine kindness, or a friendship based on being able to relate to one another at a deeper level, on having that shared weirdness together, or even both things! (that's not to say I love every portrayal; and sometimes there are pet peeves, but they do not ruin the character for me in that scenario, for the simple reason that in these fics she *IS* ultimately a full character, which is more than what can be said about canon lily.) ... and that's the joy of fanfics and fanart and creation, isnt it? that you can make your own ideas come to life, put things together in a way that makes sense to you, and see how others would make a these stories and characters come to life. its why I can despise the marauders in their canon, and yet ship everyone of them with Severus given the right scenario. it's why I can dislike snily in the context of canon, and see their relationship as purely platonic under that lens, and yet wholeheartedly ship them otherwise in the context of fanfics and fanworks. It's why when I say i ship Severus Snape with literally everyone I can truly and genuinely mean it. Because I do. I think theres always room for a scenario, for a characterization, or AU, to allow for it. Fiction is a lovely and magical thing, and it ultimately exists for enjoyment, for entertainment and creativity.

anyway, idk if i worded this wrongly or weirdly but tldr: I dislike and am put off by canon lily, but I love what lily can be, what she could be, what she SHOULD be, I love what fans are able to do with her, I love what I wish she was.

#lily evans critical #severus snape #pro severus snape #harry potter #hp #not art #this is not meant to be bashing but i suppose it could be taken that way idk #im hesitant to tag this as many things because i dont want anyone getting mad. these are just. opinons is all.#and my dislike of a character is not an attack on you for liking that character #but you understand yes? why the feelings are complicated?#i cannot fully say that i hate her because i genuinely love some portrayals of her #jkr's lily is an incomplete character and also little more than a plot device #I love her in concept #I love the lily i have constructed in my head like a dreadful little homunculus #gremlin lily wouldve gone so hard if jkr wasnt a smallminded little coward #rambling #i dont expect anyone to read this really seeing as its all incoherent gibberish #but i just felt the need to try and put my thoughts into words (failed obviously)#and this sideblog is essentially for this exact purpose #so there u have it. i hate her but i love her

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masterwords · 11 months ago

Text

something worth fighting for

Summary: Emily's ready to call it quits, Hotch and Morgan already have, and then a party at Rossi's changes everything.

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan

Words: ~7k

Warnings: hotch's ear injury (canon - 7x24 explosion), gunshot, vomiting, pain medication

Read on AO3: something worth fighting for

Notes: I humbly submit my work to the CM Holiday Gift Exchange (@cmgiftexchange), a gift for @hosseinis. I wrote almost 30k words for this exchange scattered between 4 different stories before this one became the keeper. I was incredibly fortunate to be matched to you, to be able to create a gift for you, but as happy as I was...it became almost impossible to decide among all the things I wanted to make for you! The other 3 stories were a lot darker, didn't feel much like holiday gifts, but they'll still be posted at some point probably soon because they were all solid stories. You inspired me to write a LOT of words this month my friend. Thank you for loving hotchgan and for being fun to talk to! Merry Crimbus! (Read under the cut or on AO3)

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“Do you ever think about what might have happened if we had done for you what you and JJ did for me?”

Hotch frowned and laced his fingers together in his lap. His hands were cold in spite of them currently being in Georgia. The heat outside was well matched by the air conditioning blowing into the cabin of the jet. He would have preferred not to have it on but the team liked it chilly. They still had an hour before anyone would begin trickling onto the jet, but he’d been surprised to find Emily boarding early. Only about fifteen minutes behind him. She was normally one of the last, stretching the time to the very last moment. He’d been anticipating a nice long period of quiet, a head start on the pile of paperwork he had to complete to shut the door on this case. Not today.

It was his own fault. He’d invited her to come to him when she had a bad day, and those seemed to be coming harder and faster lately. He found her in his office, texting, even once at his door with an apologetic bottle of wine. That night ended up with her drinking the whole thing and him calling her a cab because she refused to sleep on his couch. She wouldn’t look him in the eye for two full days after that because she was worried they’d done something they shouldn’t have while he repeatedly assured her that he hadn’t had a drop of the wine and they’d remained respectable distances from one another the whole night.

“How so?” he asked, his voice a little breathless. She didn’t often bring his situation into the mix. No one ever really dared to talk about Haley, about Foyet, it was like a field full of buried unmarked landmines. They’d all more or less decided to pretend it never happened, everyone but Dave and Derek anyway. JJ had offered support once or twice but she didn’t ask questions, didn’t pry. It was easier for all of them to ignore it.

“If we had decided to fake your death, put you into WITSEC with Haley and Jack. Send you off to some boring old place where you could be a teacher or something. Do you ever wonder how that would have played out?”

“Why would I be a teacher?” he asked, a little offended by the implication that he was dull. She smiled warily.

“Fine, you could be something more exciting. A lion tamer in the circus. Anything you want. Do you ever wonder?”

“No,” he replied truthfully. Painfully. He couldn’t allow himself to wander down the path of what if, it hurt too much. Knowing that there were paths he could have taken that would have kept Haley alive was enough to bring him to his knees, the weight of it too much to bear. It wasn’t that he didn’t know it anyway, there were plenty of choices he had at one time that would have led to Jack not losing his mother. There were better outcomes, maybe, but there were also worse.

Emily hummed, a noise he was sure she had picked up right from him, spending too much time together. Especially lately, because she couldn’t talk to the team about any of this. Sure, she had JJ, but when she looked at JJ she only saw the pain she’d gone through and how hard it has been for her to mend what was broken...the rest of them were still grappling with it. How could she tell them she wasn’t happy? That she might want out? Hotch was the only one she thought could take it, or even worse, understand.

“Why?” He knew why, he’d known it for a while now, but it was still his job to ask. To get her to do the talking. She needed to open up and get something off of her chest. He hated to do this, to slip into his negotiator role, but it worked. It was for her benefit.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she started quietly. “I guess I’m having a hard time being myself again. I spent enough time being someone else so completely, coming to terms with Emily Prentiss dying...this is harder than I thought it would be. Living this life again. And I guess I wondered if you thought you would too. If we’d gotten Foyet and Haley lived, if you got your family back. Could you go from being Joe Schmo in the middle of nowhere...Utah or Wyoming or something...could you be Aaron Hotchner again? Could you just forget dying and pretend it never happened?”

“I would have to try,” he said rather matter-of-factly, but he knew it wasn’t so simple. “It would have been a very different circumstance, though. My situation and yours were not the same.”

“No, yeah, I know...I know…good people, innocent people still died because of me though. I can’t help thinking that I should have stayed dead to honor their sacrifices.”

“Emily.”

“No, don’t Emily me. Look, I tried to buy a house and put down roots. I called my mom and had dinner with her...but I can’t...I can’t fix this. Look at the trouble I’ve caused. I see Spencer still not sure he can trust you guys. I see what happened to you and Derek. I did that, Hotch. I did that.”

“No,” he replied sadly. His voice cracked before he finished his thought and he shook his head, waiting for it to come back. “I did that.”

“Not without my help,” she added timidly. “You two would probably have gotten married, adopted some babies, maybe. White picket fence, two car garage...you guys had it all and what you did for me…I guess I’m not sure it was worth it, in the end. Because look at me now. Look at me thriving.” That last part, as emotionally wrecked as she was, dripped in sarcasm. His chest ached.

“How can I help?”

She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes dramatically. She hadn’t let go of the sarcasm, it was her last line of defense, but her voice was shockingly vulnerable and sincere. It broke his heart. “Tell me it was worth it?”

“It was worth it.”

“You’re going to have to do better...come on. Don’t insult me. You were a Federal Prosecutor, you can lie better than that if you’re not going to tell me the truth.”

“You want the truth?” He glanced down at his watch to make sure they still had time. That he wouldn’t be in the middle of a vulnerable monologue when the team started boarding the jet. That was the last thing he needed. He had a few minutes to safely get it off of his chest. “There are aspects of what happened that I would go back and change if I could. Hindsight is a gift and a curse. But I wouldn’t take it all back. I would do it for you again in a heartbeat, even if it went exactly the same again. No matter the blow-back on me, protecting you was worth it.”

She blinked rapidly, tears clinging to the mascara she’d just put on. That wasn’t what she’d expected and she hated him a little for it. For the cruelty in his honesty. She couldn’t reciprocate that kind of shredded, gaping wound of vulnerability for him no matter how she wanted to. “You jerk.”

“I’m sorry,” he spoke quietly, reaching into his pocket and procuring a small square of silk with his initials stitched in delicate thread along the hem. He offered her the handkerchief without hesitation, waiting for her to make fun of him for it. For being so old fashioned that he carried an old hanky around with him. She didn’t, though, she just looked at him, blinked the tears from her lashes and dabbed at her under eyes with his pale silk gift. He was such a relic, she’d always thought, but a beautiful one. He wasn’t meant for this time. He wasn’t meant for many of the things he did. Everyone thought he was so tough, unbreakable, harsh and ruthless but she knew the truth: he was none of those things. He was certainly good at putting up his shields and playing the game, but he was one of the gentlest, softest most broken men she’d ever met in her life. She wanted to protect him with every last breath in her body, he was such a fool sometimes. But she couldn’t protect him, not from himself or anyone else.

“No,” she whispered finally, sniffling. “I’m sorry. I don’t...I need to suck it up, huh? Get on with it. Shit or get off the pot.”

“You don’t need to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“Says the guy that came back to work a month after getting stabbed nine times.”

He frowned and shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t know what else to do with myself. In retrospect, coming back so soon did more harm than good. I can’t go back, and I can’t wonder what might have been different had I...waited.” The way he said that last word made her squirm. Years later and he was still living with the crushing guilt, the lasting pain both physical and emotional. It struck her that this thing that had been burying her alive for a couple of months had been doing the same to him for years and it made her feel sick. He hadn’t healed he’d just hidden it beneath layers of life. It was mean of her, she knew it, but as she looked at him she knew...she didn’t want to become him, and that was exactly where she was headed if she didn’t get out now.

He’d given her all the answer she needed just by allowing her to see the truth of his existence. It was a cautionary tale.

“Thanks Hotch,” she said finally, knowing they had to wrap it up. He’d checked his watch twice since he opened up. The team were going to board soon and the last thing she wanted to do was be crying when they walked on. She wasn’t ready to tell them yet that she was thinking about leaving. She could see it in Hotch’s eyes, he knew. She didn’t have to say those words. The fact that she was thinking so hard about this was enough for both of them. “This is gross, by the way. There’s a reason Kleenex exists.”

“My grandmother made them for me.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“It’s clean,” he added a little defensively. “I do wash them.”

“Yeah. Sure. It’s all fine then.” She handed him back the wet silk and watched as he stuffed it into the pocket of his pants without thinking twice. “God. Do you have more of those on hand?”

“The clean ones are in my breast pocket, the soiled ones are in the pants pocket. I told you, I do wash them Emily.”

She scrunched up her nose in disgust. “You look good for ninety, you know that?”

He considered a reply, but decided it wasn’t worth it and settled for a long suffering sigh instead before turning back to his paperwork. His mind wasn’t in it anymore, now he could think only of one thing – Emily was going to leave. And probably soon. How would they survive that a second time?

(x)

The explosion that blew out the bank, crumbling concrete and shattering glass was unexpected. It rocked the ground beneath his feet as he dove behind the police car door, heart hammering in his chest so hard and so loud he thought it might actually break his ribs. Derek was in there. JJ was in there. Emily was in there. Dammit. He felt his ear pop, the sudden high-pitched screaming sound piercing his skull even after he covered his ears with shaking hands and squeezed his eyes shut. The pain was instant, the pressure behind his eyes building to a crescendo and for a whole ten seconds that felt like eternity he thought for sure his head was going to explode. There were tears in his eyes when he opened them again and he swiped at them with ash caked fingers, failing to notice for a moment the blood on his palm. His ear was bleeding.

Again.

He’d been on top of the PTSD, for the most part. Once the Bureau appointed therapist pointed it out to him and gave him some exercises to maintain his composure in situations he knew were going to be troubling to him, he’d been on top of it. “Mild,” she called it. When his palms got sweaty and his heart dropped into his stomach, when he felt sick and angry and vulnerable...it didn’t feel mild, but who was he to argue with her? She saw this kind of thing all the time. And he’d been close enough to explosions since that night in New York, had managed to work his way through them without incident, but now seeing the blood...being in the middle of the street...hearing sirens wailing and watching flames flicker...he wasn’t exactly right there again, it wasn’t a flashback, it was just that same sick feeling. Different but the same.

Except this time he had his whole team, and half a city’s worth of cops to look out for. He had civilians and hostages to worry about. The safety of hundreds of people rested on his shoulders and his fucking ear was bleeding down the side of his jaw. Will had been inside that building with the unsubs. He didn’t have time to walk himself through all of the steps as his stomach twisted in painful knots, as the bile rose in his throat. Not now, so he just stood up and shouldered his way through the reeling cops with one hand over his bleeding ear to keep the offending noise out of his head, at least a little. God it hurt.

“Dave!” He called, rushing toward his colleague. He was breathing through his nose, deep harsh breaths to stave off the nausea that was increasing in intensity. “Have you seen any of them?” He didn’t need to use names, Dave knew exactly who he meant.

“There,” Dave pointed at Derek and JJ on the ground with various members of the SWAT team they’d been charging in with. Emily had been ahead of them, she wasn’t in the group but she couldn’t have gotten far. He watched as Derek began to sit up, followed by JJ and then some of SWAT. They were all confused, coming to, but seemed okay. He turned to Dave, refusing to allow personal feelings to get their claws in. Not only did they have no place here right now, but he wasn’t welcome to them any longer. Derek was not his to care for in any way more significant than as colleagues, and as colleagues, what Derek really needed was for Hotch to take complete control of the chaos. Get them all out of this mess.

“Dave,” he began, setting his jaw and trying to regain his composure. His head was a grenade and the pin was barely holding on. Dave raised his hand and shook his head before Hotch had a chance to continue.

“You go get that ear looked at,” he said adamantly. “I’ll go find Erin and we’ll be waiting for you.”

Hotch wanted to argue that he was fine, but his the pressure in his head must have been visible to Dave because he wasn’t having any of it. “Okay,” he agreed. “I’m not sitting this one out, but I’ll go get cleaned up.”

“I’ll take it.”

(x)

Finding Derek in the alley, pinned against a dumpster with a man’s hands around his throat, Hotch didn’t even think. He wasn’t going to bother announcing himself, he wasn’t going to bother negotiating. This was one of those times where he simply couldn’t abide the protocols and procedures – this man allowed Will to be hurt, used him, put Henry in danger and was now trying to kill Derek. He had no trouble at all justifying the shot he was about to take.

And when Matthew Downs dropped at Derek’s feet, when the blood sprayed against Derek’s cheek and the dumpster and pooled on the ground, he felt no remorse. He simply stood with his gun still aimed, breathing heavily, his ear screaming louder than ever. He was going to be sick. That knowledge rumbled through him with the force of a freight train as his stomach twisted with the pain of the gun shot, but the look on Derek’s face, the look of pure gratitude and relief and maybe something else…it made him feel better as he dropped to his knees and dry heaved a few times. Derek hurried over to him and placed a hand between his shoulders, instinctively rubbing up and down over the vest. Even if Hotch couldn’t feel it, he knew Derek was there.

“Hotch?”

“I’m okay,” he gasped, glad that nothing was actually coming up. You have to eat in order to have anything to expel and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had anything but coffee. Dinner the night before? Maybe? “Go. Find Will. I’ll be right behind you.”

Derek did as he was told without arguing, but took one last moment to glance back as he stepped out of the alley. He knew better than to go back, knew better than to ask what was wrong. He could do that later.

(x)

How Dave managed to put together a wedding on such short notice was beyond any of them, but Hotch knew better than most what money could do to trump time. Enough zeroes on a check and you could get anything (and anyone) you wanted. So, mere days after being shot and chained to a bomb, Will was ready to take JJ's hand in marriage and Hotch...well he was just trying to gather the courage to show up.

Jessica was smoothing his sweater over his shoulders and smiling at how soft he looked in it while he grumbled about every minute detail.

“You’re still not sure you should go,” she said, turning him toward her. He shrugged.

“I think everyone would have more fun if I didn’t go.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Considering what I put everyone through this past year…”

“Stop it. Right now, stop it.”

His shoulders slumped pitifully and she almost felt bad for snapping at him, but not quite. He deserved it. He could be so stupid sometimes she just couldn’t stand it.

“You didn’t do anything maliciously. You were trying to help, and sometimes that means getting it wrong...it isn’t as if you had all the time in the world to consider repercussions. You had to make a split second decision. Maybe it was right, maybe it was wrong, but Emily is alive and your team is intact and isn’t that what you were going for?”

“Not everyone is intact.”

“Derek’s going to come back. He loves you so much. He still does. You don’t wake up at the crack of dawn and show up to babysit a kid so his dad can go do some stupid triathlon if you don’t still care.”

“I didn’t tell him I’d asked Dave.”

“Of course. You assumed that breaking up meant that you had to find someone new to watch him, that’s reasonable. And he assumed that he’d made the commitment and he had to honor it. Also reasonable. Of course, if you two were better at communicating…”

“I know.”

“My point being, he still loves you. And Jack. I think he just needs time. You have plenty of time.”

He slumped down on the couch and put his head in his hands, breathing in deep. Once, twice. Filling his lungs, pausing, exhaling. His head hurt, hadn’t stopped hurting since the explosion. He had an MRI in the morning, an MRI he should have scheduled sooner but he thought it would go away. He hadn’t been as close to this explosion this time, it shouldn’t have been so bad, but then there was the gunshot and the noise from the scene and the pain in his head had been like a hot knife slicing through his brain like a Thanksgiving turkey ever since.

“How about you take one of your nuclear pills and I’ll be your designated driver?” Jess offered, crouching before him with her hands on his knees. “Come on. Take one and you might actually enjoy the wedding. You know I love crashing weddings.”

“You have a date tonight,” he countered miserably before lying back and throwing his arm over his eyes, resting his head against the cushion to try and take some of the pressure off. She huffed at him, that irritated little puffing noise she made that meant she thought he was a complete idiot without actually saying the words.

“I can reschedule. Anita will understand.”

“Anita? The nurse?”

Not just any nurse. The nurse who had cared for him when he was in the Urgent Care sick as a dog a few months back. The nurse whose sarcasm was biting and her smile was enchanting. The nurse with a head full of silver hair she claimed was due entirely to the stress of her job.

“That’s the one.”

“You got a date while I was sick? That’s low, even for you.”

“She’s pretty. And she said I was a saint for dealing with you. How can I resist such compliments?”

He groaned miserably. “I was sick.”

“You were. Very sick, really. But her point still stands. You’re a pain in the ass and I’ve been putting up with it for decades. I deserve to get a little something for my trouble once in a while.”

“Is she nice?”

“Very,” Jessica replied with a smile, her fingers scratching at his scalp mindlessly as she settled in on the couch beside him. He’d always liked his head being scratched but even more when it hurt. “She’s smart and charming and sweet, too. She has great taste in restaurants, but she drinks sweet white wine so I guess she’s not perfect.”

“Not many are.” His shoulders relaxed as she scraped her nails over his scalp. It didn’t exactly do anything to the pain itself but he found it easier to ignore, at least marginally. “You could bring her,” he offered quietly. “To the wedding. If you want.”

“I don’t think she’s ready to meet the whole family,” Jessica said with a smile.

“She’s already met me. Everyone else is easy.”

“Good point. I’ll ask her. Does that mean you’re going to take the meds like a good boy?”

“I don’t think I can go if I don’t.”

“Look at you, making good choices.” He didn’t want to take the pill; it made him goofy. It made him feel lightheaded and dizzy, made him say things without thinking first. Made him cry over silly things, like Disney movies and finding crayons crunched in the couch cushions. The pill really didn’t do much except make him forget how bad his head hurt. Which he knew was ultimately the goal, but the tradeoff didn’t always seem worth it. He didn’t like the way it made him feel like a different person.

“Here,” Jess said, extending the pill and a glass of water to him after rummaging around through the medicine cabinet for a moment. He was always pushing it to the back like he was ashamed of it. “Anita said she’d love to come as long as there’s an open bar. I told her that David Rossi never skimps on the booze and do you know what she said?”

“She’s a big fan of his books,” he deadpanned and she let out a barking laugh that hurt his head.

“Exactly. Said she couldn’t believe I was just casually inviting her to David Rossi’s mansion for a wedding hours before the wedding and what was she going to wear.”

“She doesn’t need to worry,” he said quietly, sipping at the water. “She could come in scrubs if she wanted. No one would hold it against her.”

“Did you learn nothing from being married to Haley all those years?”

He hummed, admitting defeat. “I think the answer to that should be obvious.”

“Point taken. I’m going to go home and find a dress, you lay here and rest. Let that pill do it’s thing. We’ll be by to pick you guys up in an hour.”

(x)

The party was bigger than Hotch had imagined it would be on such short notice. More people milling around, many faces he recognized and some he didn’t. They were a little late, maybe it was fashionable, maybe it was rude, he couldn’t be trusted to tell the difference in his fuzzy state.

“Aaron,” Dave said, pulling him in for a hug. “How are you?”

Hotch never know how to answer that question truthfully, so he rarely did. “Good,” he replied, smiling. The smile wasn’t even forced, at least. But Dave knew anyway.

“Liar.”

“I’m okay, Dave.”

“You get that ear looked at?”

“I have an appointment in the morning for an MRI. It’s giving me some trouble but I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“You keep me posted. In the meantime, why don’t you introduce me to your guests?”

Hotch smiled a little sheepishly and stepped out of the way to let Jessica and Anita be greeted by their host. Jack was standing beside Hotch, still in his shy phase even if he did know everyone here. “You know Haley’s sister Jessica,” Hotch said, waiting a moment before continuing. “And this is her date Anita.”

“Anita,” Dave said, kissing her hand with all of that charm he had at his disposal, holding nothing back. Hotch watched, blinking slowly, doing everything a little slowly. “How did the two of you meet?”

“She brought him to the Urgent Care with a pretty bad case of strep throat,” Anita replied casually. “By the time they left he had antibiotics and a doctor’s note to stay home from work and I had a pretty girl’s phone number.”

“I remember that, it’s hard to get him to miss any work,” Dave said, eyeing Hotch. “It’s been a couple of months now.”

Emily approached Hotch as Dave took Jessica and Anita by the arm, one on each side, to show them around the house and the party. To get them drinks and push them out on to the dance floor. He insisted that his live band not go to waste, and they still had some time to kill before the bride was ready to walk down the aisle. The look on her face was sad, unbearably so, and he knew he wasn’t up for the conversation she looked ready to have. Ready or not, he had to try.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked when she sighed more than spoke her hello. She looked distressed, sad, heartbroken really.

“No, not here,” she said quietly. “But soon. Tomorrow maybe. Okay?”

“Tomorrow,” he repeated. “I have an appointment early in the morning, we can meet for coffee afterward.”

“It’s a date,” she replied, forcing a smile. Derek watched the interaction from across the room, his drink in hand. He knew she was leaving, and he missed her already. It was crushing him, and he knew it would crush Hotch too. After everything they’d done, he felt for the man. His world had come crashing down when Emily died, but he knew Hotch’s hadn’t ever stopped. Everything just kept stacking up – from Emily’s death to her new life, Pakistan and Emily coming back and the Senate Hearing Committee, his team being scrutinized, the trip to Chicago for Derek’s cousin that was made more awkward by his family’s knowledge that the two of them had broken up. His aunt Yvonne had tried to push them back together and only made it worse for them in the end. And his mother...his mother was angry at him. “He didn’t lie to hurt you,” she’d scolded first by phone and then later in person, in Desiree’s hospital room of all places. “He lied to protect you. I seem to recall you pulling the same stunt on us, your family and we still love you.” But he still lied, and it was hard to put that trust back in place. It just wasn’t that easy. He was trying so damn hard.

Showing up and watching Jack for him so he could go do his race, showing up at 4am only to find Dave already there...it had been an olive branch opportunity, but he couldn’t do it when he saw Dave. Because that meant Hotch didn’t believe he would still honor his commitment, it meant Hotch really believed it was over. At least that’s what he told himself when he entered the apartment anyway, because how could he leave when Jack’s eyes lit up? When Jack hugged him and said he missed him? “I miss you too, kiddo,” he’d said and Dave asked him to stay, invited him to have some of the scrambled eggs he was cooking up while Hotch thanked them both and rushed out the door. It wouldn’t take both of them to watch Jack but he couldn’t leave the kid. It gave him an excuse to throw Jack up on his shoulders, to cheer Hotch on, and it surprised him when he called him baby as he approached the finish line. He detected amusement from Dave beside him but the rest of the team were so wrapped up in their own morning drama that they didn’t say a word.

He watched Hotch make his way through the party as he danced with Penelope, as he danced with Emily and even Reid. The music was upbeat and fun, easy for dancing and forgetting the weight of the last few days. The last few months. When he saw Will talking to Rossi, waiting for his bride, he couldn’t help being a little jealous even if he was happy for them. He thought it would be him next. He really thought he and Hotch had it all, too. Did Will care that JJ lied to him about Emily? Of course it wasn’t exactly the same, Will didn’t know Emily like that, he didn’t stick his hands in her blood, hold her while she waited for the ambulance, look into her eyes and watch the light fade. But he still didn’t know she’d lived. JJ kept it from him, too.

Finally Hotch, in his customary rounds, came to Derek near the drinks. “Hey,” Derek said, reaching out to catch him by the elbow like he was just going to walk by. He probably was. He’d almost gone out of his way to respect Derek’s request for space, gone so far overboard that it felt like he’d been the one dumped and not the other way around. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Hotch replied quietly, barely audible over the DJ’s dance music. He was blaring something by ABBA that had Jessica and Anita out on the floor having a blast. “You?”

“Same.”

The conversation stalled predictably. They couldn’t talk to one another anymore. “Where are you sitting?” Derek asked casually. Hotch shrugged.

“Wherever Jack tells me we’re sitting I suppose.”

At that Derek smiled. “Well, we’d better find some seats huh? Looks like things are getting serious.”

As it ended up, the seats Jack chose put them right beside Derek and Penelope. Hotch’s knee bumped Derek’s as he took his seat and tried to make himself smaller so he didn’t block anyone’s view, so he didn’t take up too much space. Nothing ever had the kind of leg room he needed.

The wedding was fast, short and sweet, to the point. JJ looked beautiful and Will looked so happy Hotch could hardly stand it. He cried, not at all surprised by the display of emotion. He knew it was going to happen the minute he swallowed that damn pill. At least he wasn’t alone, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house when he glance around. Not even Derek beside him could contain the tears in his eyes.

What he hadn’t expected was to find Derek’s hand circling his, dragging it into his lap and letting it rest there against his thigh. They didn’t look at each other, but that connection made Hotch’s heart nearly burst in his chest. He froze, staring straight ahead a little too intently, breath painfully tight and burning in his lungs. Derek squeezed his hand and his vision narrowed to pinpricks, splotches of color flashing over the scene.

When JJ and Will kissed, Derek squeezed his hand again and then let it go. They didn’t talk, Derek just got up and took Penelope to the dance floor at the invitation of the DJ, swaying along with her. Hotch watched from beside Jack and Henry as everyone made their way back out there.

“Hotch?” Emily asked, coming up beside him quietly. He hadn’t realized she wasn’t out there, but now her hand was extended to him with a sheepish smile. “You can’t sit this one out. It’s the law I think.”

“Sure I can,” he replied, but he took her hand and led her to the dance floor anyway, holding her gently as they settled into the foxy. She looked up at him with wide eyes and a grin.

“You actually know how to dance,” she said. “Of course you do. Why am I surprised that the guy who carries silk hankies can ballroom dance?”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Emily.”

“Yeah...well...there are a lot of things you don’t know about me, too, y'know…”

That made him laugh, a light lead in to giving her a gentle twirl and a dip. Derek glanced at them as he swayed with Penelope.

“He’s really good,” Penelope whispered in Derek’s ear. “Did he ever take you dancing?”

Derek nodded, closing his eyes. “Yeah. He did.”

“You should go cut in. I saw what you did back there…”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”

“What is it going to take?”

“I don’t know mama. I don’t know. I never broke up with someone I was still in love with before.”

“Is Emily leaving us?” The way she changed course made him stiffen up and she could hardly contain her emotion at that. She knew just by that alone. “She is. Why?”

“You’ll have to ask her yourself.”

And all at once she was dragging them across the dance floor, cutting in on Hotch and Emily’s dance. He wasn’t sure if it was calculated or not, but he thought it probably was. She was like that. She didn’t even ask before peeling Emily away from Hotch, before taking her hand and moving them away. Emily glanced at Hotch apologetically and shrugged, not bothering to fight back.

“Well,” Derek said quietly, extending his hand to Hotch. “You want to take me for a spin? It’s been a while, I’m a little rusty. I’ll try to keep up.”

“I’m sure you still have it,” Hotch said, taking Derek’s hand and pressing in close. Derek smelled good, sweet like cigar smoke and cinnamon and bourbon. He began leading, stepping in time with the music and wasn’t surprised when Derek fell into step easily. “If I stumble, I’m sorry,” he added quietly, his mouth unbearably close to Derek’s ear. “I had to take some medication and it makes me a little loopy.”

“What for?” Derek asked, hardly caring whether Hotch stumbled over his feet.

“The explosion at the bank re-injured my ear. I’m sure it’s fine but it does hurt quite a lot.”

“You get it looked at?”

“I have an MRI in the morning.”

Derek smiled and nodded, realizing that they had fallen into perfect sync with one another almost effortlessly. Like no time had passed. Talking felt forced but it was getting easier the further in they went.

“Do you need me to take Jack to school?”

“Jessica said she could,” Hotch replied. Derek nodded.

“I know she will, but she’s getting herself pretty good and liquored up…”

“She was supposed to be my designated driver.”

“Yeah. I’ll drive you guys home, I’m not in the mood to drink tonight anyway. Had a bourbon with Rossi and Will to take the taste out of those nasty cigars he gave us, but otherwise I’ve been sipping soda water with lime.”

“You don’t need to do that. I think Anita has been drinking Sprite. She works in the morning.”

“Hotch…” Derek said, leaning back just far enough that they could lock eyes. “I’m not just offering to drive you home because I think you need a ride. I’m really trying here…”

“Oh.”

“Oh? I mean if you don’t want me to...if you’ve moved on…”

“No. I...no. That isn’t it.”

“Okay, so what is it?”

Hotch let out a small sigh and pursed his lips. “You asked for space, and I gave it to you. But in Chicago...it felt like you were finished. The way you behaved led me to believe your need for space had become something more. That you had come to a decision and that we had no future.”

“You really think I’d do that and not talk to you?”

“I don’t know, Derek. I have no right to expect anything of you anymore.”

“So you’re good just letting it die? You’re not gonna fight for it?”

“Derek, what do you want from me? You said you couldn’t trust me, that you needed space...when you ask me for space, I am going to give it to you. Did you really want me to fight?”

“No, but I didn’t think it would be so damn easy to let go of either.”

“It hasn’t been easy. Has it looked easy? Is that really what you think?”

“Well it hasn’t exactly looked hard.”

Hotch was on the verge of tears, maybe angry tears at this point, he didn’t know. He had almost no control over that and wasn’t going to expend any energy trying to. “I think you’re the only one who can’t see it.”

Derek didn’t like the sound of that, mostly because it hurt. It was probably true. He’d been doing his best not to pay any attention to Hotch, because paying attention hurt and made him want to go back to him and he knew he wasn’t ready for it. Because he felt like he shouldn’t be. He shouldn’t just be okay with Hotch lying to him, should he? Even if he’d done the same damn thing to his family over his cousin? And they forgave him because she was back in their lives, they forgave him because his motivation was for good. Wasn’t Hotch’s too? It wasn’t like he did it for his own gain. Every time he got close, something pulled him away.

“Maybe I am,” he admitted finally. “Hotch. I love you. I never stopped, I hope you know that. But I just don’t know how to forget what happened.”

“I would never ask you to forget.”

Of course Hotch would say that. Just be willing to keep a relationship up when he’s at an automatic deficit. Spend forever trying to make up for his failures.

“I hope for your forgiveness,” Hotch added quietly, almost too quietly for Derek to hear. “But I wouldn’t expect you to forget.”

“It can’t happen again.”

“I can’t make that kind of promise, Derek. I think you know that. There was no way I could have predicted being in that situation before and I can’t know something won’t arise again, but if there is any way around it, I will take it. I can do better than I have done at including you and sharing the burden. I can do better at including you in the hard decisions. I can do better.”

“You can, or you will?”

Hotch smirked at that, at the wording only they would pick apart. “I will.”

“Good enough,” Derek said, finally, taking the lead from Hotch for a moment. Remembering his own feet, his own rhythm. He’d missed this feeling, their bodies moving like one, the smell of Hotch. It was soft and clean, cotton and sunshine, he never wore more than deodorant and maybe some aftershave that lingered. He swayed his hips, stepping back and then forward, upping the tempo with the music. Hotch never missed a step even if he did look a little pale, a little light on his feet. Derek wanted to spin him, to twirl and dip him but he thought that might be pressing his luck. Instead he leaned in and kissed him, stealing his breath. “I don’t want space anymore. I want this.”

“Me too.”

From the bar, while she waited for her new drink, Emily smiled and watched Hotch and Derek. She couldn’t help it. “All it took was me leaving,” she said quietly and Penelope let out the wet sob she’d been holding back for two songs now.

“No,” she wailed, pulling Emily into a teary hug. “No no no.”

“It’s okay Pen. It’s for the best. We all need it. A fresh start for everyone. We can’t go back to the way it was before and it only hurt everyone to try...this is good. I promise.”

“Why doesn’t it feel good?”

“Because goodbyes are hard, even if they’re necessary. But look at that...look at them…look at Hotch and Derek...and JJ and Will...don’t cry over me.”

“Can I come visit you?”

“Of course.”

“Right away. I’ll help you move in. We can shop for furniture and explore your new neighborhood and find the best place for um…fish and chips...you eat the fish I’ll eat the chips…”

“Yes,” Emily smiled, holding Penelope’s hand tight. “To all of it. Yes. I’d love that.”

“Good! Now, come dance with me. Because I need to soak up as much Emily Prentiss as I possibly can tonight…”

“Anything for you, Penelope.”

"Ahhh," Penelope gushed, squeezing Emily's hand. "You are so right."

#aaron hotchner #derek morgan #emily prentiss #bau team as family #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #hotchgan #hotch x morgan

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