#It's hard to organize that many thoughts

[circular-bircular]

(Want context for this post? Here's the full post that instigated this one!)

I've sent an ask to OP (as their pinned post said to) asking genuinely why my response was hidden. However, I find now that even my main blog (which was the only blog I could send an ask from) is now blocked as well. For those curious, I did forget to screenshot my ask before sending it, but I believe this is akin to what I sent:

Hello, This is circular-bircular. I was wondering if you'd be willing to clarify why my response to your post was hidden and why (I believe) I am now blocked. I've looked at your pinned post, and I am wondering if you consider me to be part of the groups you listed, or maybe you blocked due to my aggression, or perhaps something else? Feel no obligation to answer. Thank you for your time.

It's been frustrating, lately, how users on all sides of these debates refuse to engage with criticism of any kind. But I also acknowledge that it is nobody's job to engage with criticism. OP is in their rights to block, and I am not frustrated about that.

What I am frustrated by is the sheer amount of notes that post got, with not a single other person -- seemingly -- remarking on the ableism in many of the claims.

I want to be able to discuss these things and gain new perspectives. I want to be allowed to be angry and upset about ableism I see, and discuss that ableism clearly, and maybe even learn from others where the flaws in my thinking are. Instead, my responses are hidden, and I feel once more shunted into the quiet corner, never able to be heard, because clearly something I said was wrong -- but nobody sees fit to explain what.

The worst part being, that post was in the disordered tags. That post was in my home; my supposed 'safe space' (though I use that term very, very loosely). It wasn't even meant to be a syscourse post, with "syscourse" not even being originally tagged...

And yet.

In any case -- as the ability to view my impassioned response has been limited, I decided to make my own post, about all of the various thoughts that I have at the moment about everything. Time for yet another long ass post. Word count, ahoy!

Plurality, as we know it today, is a relatively recent term. Plurality formed alongside and well within the CDD communities, and came to be popularized as a term sometime in the mid 90s.

It was coined explicitly to distance from medicalized CDDs. Specifically, it was used by the coiner (whom I believe is the Vicki(s) but I could be mistaken in my timeline here) as an alternative to "multiple." However, many people simply used Plural and Multiple interchangeably.

Equally as important to this history is the fact that, around this same time, Astraea's Web reared its ugly head. Forgive my distaste; however, this is the basis of a lot of the harassment I have faced as a DID system. Astraea's Web is the source of the term "natural multiplicity," and dedicated itself to the idea that MPD was not a disorder at all. While this was more than likely a case of endogenic plurals trying to find a place in a highly medicalized environment, it came at the cost of severe ableism directed toward medicalized systems.

This led directly to the spawning of "survivor multiples" and "empowered multiples," with empowered multiples being the ones who were nondisordered, and survivor multiples being seen as lesser, weaker, and highly dysfunctional. This led to countless amount of pain and suffering for systems of any and all kinds: endogenic, traumagenic, CDD, plural, and anywhere between. The Natural Multiplicity Movement, which called for systems to boycott the DID diagnosis altogether, really kicked off in the early 2000s, and led to countless conflicts with medicalized systems who fought hard to be recognized with the disorder they had.

Therefore, the claim that the sorts of Syscourse Divisions we see in modern day -- pro-endo VS anti-endo, traumagenic VS endogenic -- is a problem unique to the last decade is false. This dichotomy has existed far longer than that. I still consider this a recent issue (it happened within my lifetime, sadly), but to say that it started with the change from MPD to DID is inherently erasing the history many systems went through. Again, on all sides; the ableism CDD systems faced was happening at the same time as the ableism endogenic systems faced. It was just different breeds of the same problem.

Now, it is correct to state that endogenic as a term was not popularized before 2014; it was coined that year by a system by the name of Lunastus Co (then the Trashcan Collective, if I recall correctly). While I have certainly been vocal about my feelings regarding the term endogenic, they really don't have a place on this post; it suffices to say that endogenic was popularized to indicate non-trauma based plurality at that time. Similarly, traumagenic was popularized to indicate trauma based plurality at this time.

As an aside... reading the post I've found on the coining of endogenic, it's something I genuinely love. It's an unfortunate circumstance the commonalities endogenous and, well endogenous (Freud) share, but overall, I'm supremely jealous I'm not an older system who got to experience the joy of the endogenic community, and instead experienced so much hate.

This did create an uproar in the community, with quite a large division between traumagenic and endogenic systems. Similar to when any label is created, to be honest. The term endogeinc was very clearly meant to replace natural/healthy multiplicity, as the terminology was seen as offensive to traumagenic systems striving for recovery, indicating they were somehow "unnatural." This created even further divisions and divides between communities, something I believe Lunastus has lamented in recent years.

The claims against endogenic systems are numerous; as are the claims against traumagenic systems. As the dichotomy has always been, seemingly, Disordered VS Non-disordered and Trauma VS Non-trauma, it became easy to classify every struggle under that lens. That is where my history in syscourse comes into play, where I was fakeclaimed repeatedly, but moreso by endogenic systems, simply due to being traumagenic.

I was told repeatedly that saying I had DID was ableist, because DID was coined by an ableist man. This has already been debunked -- here's the most recent debunk, done by our lovely pluraldeepdive, as always. I was also told repeatedly that I couldn't have DID, for many reasons: because I was born rich, because my parents loved me, because I owned a freaking gamecube of all things. All of those to say: Endogenic systems frequently told me I was not traumatized enough to have DID.

Don't worry -- anti-endos don't get cut slack here either. Being told "if you really had DID, you'd be put in a mental hospital and raped repeatedly by the staff" certainly did not help me get confidence in reaching out to my life-saving therapist.

But the fact is, I was harassed more my endogenic systems and/or pro-endo systems than by traumagenic and/or anti-endo systems. The fact that I was harassed by any of them is already sheer ridiculousness.

Alright -- why the trauma rambling? The point here was, the ableism I faced, simply for being openly a DID system (mind you, who identified as pro-endo at the time) is still running rampant today.

Reading through LB Lee's two essays that were linked on the original post (at the top of this ramble), I was shocked to discover the same rhetoric I had been faced with repeatedly in all my years of syscourse. That traumagenic VS endogenic is an "internal pecking order so as to feel superior to each other" (rather than origin labels many use as liberally as LGBT+ labels). That disordered multiples "have a culture of overly deferring to their healthcare team: never making a move without asking the doc’s opinion, treating therapists as their parent replacements, relying on their shrinks for things they should really learn to do themselves, such as taking care of their internal children" -- this idea that all traumagenic systems are completely dysfunctional and unable to care for themselves. Continued onto the next lines immediately with "I met multiples who had been in care for decades, never improving, never seeming to learn any skills, but still absolutely enamored of their brilliant therapist (who they apparently couldn’t function without). These weren’t children either; these were people old enough to be my parents or grandparents!" This constant idea that you can examine someone else's systemhood and determine if they are healing "correctly" or not...

"I have seen no indication that traumagenic multiples, actually want to do those things, despite all their blathering about ableism."

This ableism comes from somewhere. The ableism I "blather" about has a source.

Sigh.

I don't have the energy to go through all of the article again, but it's heinous. It was horrifically offensive to me, even if I DO agree with many of the points it made! And that's likely because I have seen the same rhetoric over and over and over again, used against DID systems.

And it is still used consistently today.

As recently as the past 4 years, one of the OSDDID subreddits -- a meme one I believe -- completely combusted because some people made memes that were against endogeinc systems. Yet again, more syscourse bullshit. One of the moderators posted a big long ramble about how all anti-endos are just experiencing "traumagenic embitterment." This idea that all traumagenic systems who hate endogenic systems are just bitter to see "someone else doing better than them." I see this take frequently in plural and endogenic tags.

As recently as last year I saw endogenic systems calling for the removal of DID as a label entirely. Don't believe me?

Abolish all diagnostic terms! They're harmful!!

<- Is a system who feels most comfortable identifying with diagnostic terms.

As recently as maybe 4 months ago, I had to convince an endogenic system that saying RAMCOA was just "trumped up Satanic Temple bullshit" and was often "moral panic" was horrifically ableist. This was while another endogenic system bemoaned how they "couldn't believe anyone could ever do something so horrible" as RAMCOA.

As recently as last month, a friend of mine was rewriting an article about fusion, the original wording of which is firmly against final fusion and demonizes it. Said friend has repeatedly been called a sysmed for... defending final fusion and the ToSD for CDD systems.

As recently as yesterday, I was working on my debunk of a Power to the Plurals article that someone sent me in April, one that depicts the ToSD as inherently ableist and bad because... reasons? Mind you, the ToSD is the most prominent theory of how DID forms.

And then, as recently as today, I am trying to explain to someone who posted in the dissociative identity disorder tag with tags that I agree with, with points that I agree with, why the post they made about the "Bible of Psychiatry" was ableist and offensive. What a shame they've blocked me and likely will not be seeing this post, continuing to be ableist elsewhere.

All in the name of activism.

Ableism against DID systems is alive and well. I wish people would understand that. I wish people would see how pitying me in the plural spaces I'm in comes off as infantile. I wish people would see how "debunking" the most prominent theories and healing methods of DID is only hurting those of us who do align to them. I wish people would be willing to acknowledge the hurt they cause more readily.

And I wish that, as a DID system, I didn't have to become a historian on endogenic as a term, as a community, and as a personal source of pain.

Does this all make sense?

[th3e-m4ng0]

blub blub

their actual colors

[flamemons]

It's alright to scream

I'm screaming too

Why'd you think I do the things I do?

For shadows haunted me like ghosts

So I became what I feared the most

I conduct fear like electricity

A manmade monstrosity

Killer — The Hoosiers

i woke up from a nap with this song stuck in my head and. yea

[speuradair]

Ooo… can we do Silco and Jinx with an autistic reader that they found alone and took in under their wing? (found family au)

PLEASE i love these two so much

an absolute ride or die type of found family

they’d be protective of you in general

so if you need any accommodations or extra support, they’re quick to provide it

they both do so naturally and don’t even really think about it

it’s just how they are

jinx takes a more passive approach

she just goes along with what’s happening and is always there to do things with you

queen of parallel play

she just likes being in the same space as you

she would get so excited about your special interests

often gets just as passionate about them as you do

if you’re self conscious about stimming or any other habits you have, you can be sure Jinx will never judge you for it

she has some weird behaviors too yk

she’s your number one supporter

she hasn’t had the best experience with her own biological sibling, so she treasures that sibling dynamic she has with you

she makes you a little sensory space in silco’s office for you to hang out in

lots of pillows, blankets, stim toys, pretty lights

(similar to the tent Isha has)

she loves to hang out in it too

she always seems to know what you’re thinking or trying to get across even if you’re completely nonverbal

has no problem helping you communicate with others who don’t understand as well

silco is more nurturing and directly supportive

very patient and understanding with you

he never hesitates to reassure or support you when you need it

“don’t cry, you’re perfect”

great at leading grounding/calming exercises

keeps stim toys in his desk and in his pocket

just in case you need it

always there if you need help with anything

he can always tell when you’re getting overwhelmed or just worn out, and he’ll make sure to get you away from anything that might be bothering you

he never hesitates to let you escape into his office, letting you hang out in there whenever you need a quiet place to go

has no problem with your sensory space being in his office

he’ll just go about his business with you there, acting like it’s a normal thing

which it is at this point

he likes knowing that you’re content and okay

he’s so proud of you in everything you do

whether it be your amazing talent or just getting through the day

they might not have a lot to give but they’d give you absolutely anything you need

they’re supportive and understanding, and they consider you a part of their family

[voldheart]

Wait wait I just scrolled by a mutual that reblogged your Godseeker-Comic. Is that an AU? Is there more of this? This is so interesting! I have never seen Godseeker turning to be a part of Void. Mostly just always getting killed by it.

I hope you're doing more with this concept in one way or another because this is a really interesting idea!

ouuu thank you 🥺❤️ its not really an au, its more like my interpretation of a continuation to the embrace the void ending!! :D I think most people are not aware that she canonically doesnt die, and take the ending at face value.... its kind of hard to explain for me since even i am not 100% sure what exactly happens lol but i like to think that theyre perpetually linked or fused together in some weird way. and i feel that this result is pretty intentional from both sides.

Godseeker mentions that they seek gods to "clutch at their greatness and immortality", which i assume that with 'clutch' she means that these traits would be shared with the Godseekers through the "Godly focus" thing. And the knight, besides the fact that it proved its strenght against the local strongest beings, it posesses (via the Void Heart) the void under its will, which is literally said to be an "eternal" force that "denies time", ie immortal.

and this union of sorts would be beneficial for the knight as well, as it can go into Holy Beast mode at just about anytime it wants, which is a really awesome powerup if u ask me. That and also (in my headcanon) it does like her. very much :-)

[averlym]

"one day, i cut him an apple. when he saw it, he laughed" (click for better resolution!) ,,, tag from @elliotly

[aidenwaites]

A thing about me is if im gonna use a notebook for something it's going to get a Dedicated Notebook for that purpose and which i cannot use for anything else. Which means I have so many notebooks. Five of which are currently actively in use

[essektheylyss]

Debating if I should go harder on the classification snob shaming. I think I will let my rant sit in drafts overnight. Make better decisions in the morning lmao.

[featherymainffins]

I think it's a hatecrime against me that there aren't any slugs as big as the giant African snail. Why do the snails get to have all the fun I just want a giant slime noodle.

[jugsjules]

Tbh if netflix had just paid for a normal trailer ad to show up when I was scrolling tumblr, same as the mobile match three ads or the ai anime boyfriend chatbots, i probably would have barely noticed. But if one piece started trending on its own bc folks were watching it and talking about it being good, I’d probably go “huh, i wasn’t into the anime, but that was more about the art and the pacing, maybe the live action show will suit me better”

Instead, mobile has been oversaturated with the logo and the character tabs and the promoted posts from netflix and the trailer and apparently on desktop people are being harangued by a clown??? So all I see is people going “I am sick of seeing one piece” and all i’m feeling is “i would like to stop seeing one piece” and that’s BEFORE factoring in that the only reason netflix has resorted to marketing like this is bc they are desperate to gain traction in the ongoing strikes and tumblr is enabling them, against the spirit of the striking workers

now to a lot of tumblr users, their association with the one piece live action is “oh yeah that’s the show that kept trying to corner me in an elevator on tumblr during a strike”

I haven’t seen a marketing campaign backfire so completely since the itunes u2 incident tbh

[burnsopale]

Same anon as before! I'm glad the ask was helpful, but I totally share your frustration with Orczy's take. Like... I guess there's an argument that she always meant for him to be a Marquis, since she named him after one, but I just cannot reconcile Chauvelin's character in TSP with how he's written in TEP. This is the same guy who 1.) fervently wanted all aristocrats dead and 2.) was openly fantasising about the Pimpernel's death by guillotine? And now suddenly he's a sensitive noble who's disgusted by having to spend time around the bloodthirsty revolutionaries? The way she describes it as him having "cast his lot" with the Revolution in that bit makes it seem like he doesn't even believe that much in it, and like he's only going after Percy now for his own wounded pride, and it's just... ugh. It doesn't match with him in TSP at all. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one frustrated. But I'm really enjoying your fic writing so far, so if anyone can spin this part of his backstory into something good, I've got faith in you!

Yeah, it's ... it's ... I dunno. I do have to finish Elusive and also probably read TSP again to speak more confidently about this, not to mention that I haven't read Eldorado yet, but ...

Our comfort and our frustration is that Orczy wrote this series over the course of about 40 years, and did not care about continuity, which means that the series is messy in a lot of ways, including characterisation and themes, and you kinda have to pick and choose what you care about. Like, Triumph (1922) and Sir Percy Hits Back (1927) can't even exist on the same timeline, and basically offer the reader two different endings for Chauvelin, so it's a pick-your-own-adventure!

The messiness means that Chauvelin being an aristo is good because

it's an example of an aristo who chose to abandon his title and fight for the cause of the third estate, taking the edge off Orczy's worship of the nobility

it's an example of an evil aristo, also taking the edge off Orczy's worship of the nobility, just from a different angle

But these two things work against each other, and Orczy probably didn't intend either of the effects.

Also it's bad that he's an aristo because giving Chauvlin money and a title reduces the massive power-discrepancy between him and Percy which made Chauvelin somewhat of an underdog and therefore more sympathetic (though he's obviously still very much the bad guy). So we get less representation of the third estate within the recurring cast, but on the other hand, it's less negative representation. All of these things are true at the same time, and my head is spinning.

As for Chauvelin being after the Scarlet Pimpernel for personal revenge, I like that, because it's a classic nemesis-thing, where the villain tends to be personally obsessed with the hero, and it leads to such a tragic and juicy ending for Sir Percy hits back, but I also love that Chauvelin is contrasted to many of his colleagues in that he is genuinely in this for the cause, not for personal power (though he does enjoy it) or for blood-thirst. It makes him a more complex villain. And I think those two things can co-exist and even make each other more interesting, for instance if his personal vendetta makes him lose sight of the cause, only for his obsession with Percy to give Percy the power to shame him into opening his eyes in SPHB. There is potential there.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

the zoras are keeping me from finishing my outline, I don't know how to fit these damn fish with the rest of the story and it's!!!!!! frustrating

[enthesea]

going to put all the albums that came out this year that i like in one big playlist and try to do a top 5 albums of the year list in december

[fakeuwus]

if anyone was wondering i had a super busy weekend so couldnt rlly do much w/ understand but i have a 4 day weekend coming up so ill put out 1 to 2 chapters look forward to it<33

totally not experiencing a mini writer's block and not second guessing where it goes next ...

[seasaltandcopper]

gonna this try thing where I actually upload my oc doodles here so I have an excuse to ramble about these guys and maybe someday trick more people into loving them too

Pov you just wandered into a dark alley and see this feral dude lurking by some garbage bins, wyd? (yeah this was just a random warmup, like I'm not saying Mal wouldn't end up in this situation but there was no specific story for it this time)

Mal and Fiona, moments before they embark on late-night shenanigans. he does also know how to do basic math he's just being a dumbass

[haewangsong]

spiderverse spoilers

miguel is wrong but its okay being proven wrong is a way for him to heal