#It's been way too long since I've a) written and b) posted anything for this fandom

[egopocalypse]

Haunting

Whumptober Day 10: "Can't you see that you're lost without me?"

No matter where Chase goes, the shadow follows.

He's ditched his car and three others in the last day, driving the gas tanks down to their last dregs in his haste to get away. He doesn't have a destination in mind other than away, yet with each mile down the unforgiving highway, the chill down his spine rankles him even more.

He slaps his hand over the back of his neck, like the sting would make the crawling fade away.

"There aren't any more cameras," he mutters under his breath. "I'm safe now. It's fine."

But how can he be so sure? Ever since those freaky scientists guys were murdered, he's had to hop between towns, losing the trail of whatever people or things want to find him. He hasn't heard from Echo since he escaped IRIS. He has no idea what the public knows about him. (Would IRIS send out a manhunt? Do people think he's a criminal?) He has no sense of where to go or what to do but survive.

Why couldn't this have been a misunderstanding? Why didn't they let him go home?

What does Anti want from him?

The ghost of a breath sends a shiver down his spine, and he cranks the heat in the current old beater to the max. It sputters out a smog of hot diesel from the exhaust; his face screws up at the stench.

He's been in this rustbucket truck for too long. Hopefully the more inland he goes, the easier it'll be to find a rural town to swap cars. The sooner he can find a gas station without CCTV, let alone a WATCHR, the better.

Except the beater doesn't get him that far.

Something rattles under the hood, and a plume of smoke sparks and slithers out through the cracks. Chase curses and slams the steering wheel and pulls over three miles before the next exit, then grabs his meager belongings and sprints away as he hears a resounding boom and a rush of heat scorches his back.

It exploded. The truck fucking exploded.

With his heart in his throat, Chase reaches for his back pocket and nearly falls over in relief. The picture is still there. Even after everything, he hasn't lost it. He can't.

"For someone trying to avoid me, you put on quite the show."

Chase lurches and goes for the gun in his waistband, only to jolt when he comes up empty. It must still be in the center console, melting into a mangled mess with the rest of the scorching hot metal in front of them.

His hands flex and curl into fists. He doesn't want to turn around, to face the nightmare ruining his life, but if he doesn't, it would give it all the opportunities to stab him or snap his neck, like it had with the bodies it dropped right before they started this race.

"How are you here?" Chase asks. "How do you keep finding me?"

Anti's eyes light up with an eerie white glow. "Do you think it's hard?" it says. "I've followed you from the first time you called my name, the first time you saw this face. You've only been able to run because I wanted to chase."

Chase's breath sharpens. There truly is no getting away, is there? He's crossed half the country in the past few days, and yet no matter where he goes, Anti or IRIS will always find him.

"Why me?" He hates the pleading strain in his voice, but it never seems to fall away. "Why do you want me?"

Anti grins. "You still know nothing, don't you? Those people wanted to use you, but they didn't put in the effort to teach you."

Flames spark in Chase's chest, and despite the autumnal chill, the heat from the truck fire drips sweat down his back.

"Teach me what? I want some fucking answers."

"What will you pay to get them?"

Chase balks. "Huh?"

"You heard me," Anti says. "There's a price for answers, Chase--a price for every choice you made. What will you pay to earn the answers you want?"

He bites his cheek. His wallet got confiscated the second IRIS got their hands on him. The now-unusable gun had been picked off the corpse of an agent that Anti killed on its rampage through the facility. His phone and whiskey were lost before IRIS nabbed him. He has nothing of any value to give.

Anti's smile cools. Those dark, dead eyes bore into Chase's skull.

"Stubbornness won't save you, Chase. Refuse, and you'll stay on the run, forever looking over your shoulder until the maggots put you down. You're a danger, and if you're no use to them, you won't survive. I won't save you a third time."

Chase chokes. "A third?"

Anti's voice lowers, regaining some of the rasp it once had, before the gaping wound on his neck disappeared without a sign of its existence. "Make your choice."

The picture burns a hole in Chase's pocket. Other than the tattered, filthy clothes streaked with blood, dirt, and sweat, it's the only thing he has left to his name. The only tie he has to the person he once was. The only sign that before IRIS, before Anti, Chase had a life. He had something to return to, to live for.

What use is a memento of the last light of his life when it's flickered out?

He pulls out the polaroid and burns the image into his retinas, searing into his memory the bright, joyful, loving faces of his family. He kisses the image as a final goodbye, then offers it like a lifeline.

"It's all I have."

Anti studies the picture, studies every inch of Chase's face, and studies the hand reaching out to him. He slips the picture away and clamps a hand over Chase's.

"You made the right choice, Chase. Welcome home."

@seaswalllow @asteriuszenith @pixie-in-trebleland

[juustokaku]

Another load of Jealousy - Yunho x f!reader

Summary: Yunho isn't about to even entertain the idea of his girlfriend talking to another man. It doesn't matter how many loads of love, care, and cum it takes to make her remember that she is his and he is hers. Genre: smut (mdni!!!) Pairings: bf!Yunho x f!reader Tags/Warnings: SMUT MDNI, mean dom!yunho (kinda sweet after some time), sub!reader, fingering(?), penetration, unprotected sex, established relationship, jealousy, possessiveness, breeding kink, choking, bulge (lmk if something is missing, I have never done this) A/N: This is the 3rd smut I've ever written in my life... I haven't posted the first two since they were written a couple years ago and were bad, so I hope this is worth posting. The plot isn't anything great because this was mostly for trying to see what it's like to write smut and I didn't want to waste a good plot on this if this turned out bad LOLLL. So please, keep in mind that I've almost never written smut! Word count: 2 300 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If someone asked you if you loved Yunho, you’d answer ‘yes’ in a heartbeat. He was more than just a lover or a boyfriend; he was your worshipper, kissing the ground you walked on. And if someone asked you if you’d ever cheat on him, you’d give a firm ‘no’ and tell the person off. Although you wanted to make it clear to everyone you were Yunho’s girl because you loved him, it wasn’t the only reason to push people away. You’d be in big trouble if he started to consider the possibility of you holding affectionate feelings for anyone else than him. 

“Baby, what are you doing? ~” 

Despite Yunho’s needy tone and presence next to you on the couch, you couldn’t tear your gaze off of your phone. 

“Wait a second, Yuyu,” you murmured. 

He watched as your fingers tap-danced on the small screen, obviously writing a message to someone. Someone who was robbing him of your attention. Your eyes reflected the light coming from the phone screen but Yunho’s eyes shone with something else. He was getting frustrated. 

“Please, I’m lonely,” he whined, his hand creeping up on your thigh, trying to go unnoticed yet wanting desperately for you to pay attention to him. 

Still, you didn’t even glance at him. It was subtle but Yunho noticed how you tried to hide your phone screen, leaning away ever so slightly. 

The longer your attention was on the mysterious person you were talking to, the angrier Yunho became. 

You felt him squeeze your thigh, silently demanding you to finally look at him in the eyes. It was a final warning. Only when his long fingers dug onto your inner thigh, you turned to face him. 

“Who are you talking to?” 

Yunho’s icy voice shouldn’t have surprised you – this was nothing new, given his possessive nature. And like always, while it made you nervous, it also caused your pussy to clench around nothing. You couldn’t help but get horny when he looked like he’d devour you any second now. 

“Just work stuff,” you murmured, taking a glance at his hand. No matter how many times his beautiful fingers had been inside you, reaching the deepest, sweetest spots, you just couldn’t get enough. 

“At this hour? That’s bullshit.” 

While Yunho’s eyes were cold, they were undeniably burning with both fury and lust. You knew the look way too well just like he knew your body. 

“I’m friends with him so I feel comfortable texting him even in the evening. It’s just about a work project.” 

“Him?” Yunho’s eyes narrowed. 

You were too nervous to break eye contact with him, but you didn’t need to see to feel his hand hover over your core, so close but so far. Even though he was barely touching you, he was probably able to feel how your wetness seeped through your night shorts. 

“Please, Yunho... Don’t tease me,” you let out a quiet whine, hoping it’d persuade Yunho into touching you. 

Immediately, he pulled you roughly into a kiss. In a normal situation he would have kept you begging for him, but right now his desire and anger towards you were too much to handle for both of you. His lips claimed yours and showed no mercy or signs of going easy on you. You were enthusiastic to kiss him back, but his need to have you was even stronger. 

The way he started nearly biting on your lips would have soon left bruises, if you hadn’t pulled away. The both of you were breathing heavily after the intense moment, but Yunho wasted no time in trying to rest. 

“Who is that coworker? A friend you say?” 

You felt your pussy get wetter by his demanding words and you tried your best to give him an answer – one that would satisfy him enough yet encourage him to fuck you senseless. 

“We’re not close, but enough to be considered friends-! Yunho!..” 

He interrupted you with his fingers suddenly under your clothing, circling your clit. 

“What do you need friends for when I’m here? Don’t I give you all you need?” 

You squirmed around at the movements of Yunho’s skillful hands. It was hard not to feel even slightly embarrassed; you didn’t want him to know how aroused his possessiveness made you. 

“Y-You can’t do work projects for me... I need him.” 

Your choice of words pushed the wrong buttons in Yunho, and he took his hand out of your panties. He didn’t care when you whined at the loss of contact, just pure jealousy burning in his eyes. 

“You say you need him? Baby, I’m all you need,” his voice was low and dangerous, “There’s nothing and no-one else.” 

It didn’t take long for him to have dragged you into the bedroom, his fingers wrapped around your wrist in a bruising grip. You tried to savor every moment despite knowing there were more to come after this. 

The streetlights outside were the only source of light in your dim bedroom. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust to the darkness, but apparently Yunho saw well enough to push you onto the bed. Maybe he wouldn’t have cared anyways if he had pushed you accidentally on the floor. Whenever he got like this, satisfying his need to claim you was the top priority. 

“Strip.” 

You immediately started taking off your nightwear which you had just changed to after shower. Your hair was still damp and smelling like your shampoo. It was definite you’d have to take a shower again after this – preferably with Yunho. 

“You’re too slow,” he scolded. The way he started pulling your shorts and panties off was surprisingly gentle; even though he was mad at you, he was still your mere worshipper and saw you as his goddess. 

Finally, when you saw him properly, your breath caught in your throat. He wasn’t standing, just on his knees on the bed, but his height was still intimidating. You loved it though. You loved every moment of this, and your pussy throbbed with desire to have him fill you up to the brim. 

His chest was heaving with anticipation, and although seeing it bare always excited you, your eyes were fixated on that cock of his. 

“I-It’s bigger than I remembered...” 

“You’re going to take it nonetheless. You don’t deserve this after how you’ve acted but I need this now,” Yunho stated, his tone leaving no room for discussion. 

You felt like a prey, his next meal, as you watched him crawl closer on the bed and lay you down rather harshly. The intense eye contact just added to the arousal you felt leaking out of you. You needed him so bad, and your legs spread open automatically to give him way to your core that was aching for him. 

“You need a damn reminder every week of who you belong to. I don’t know if I want you to stop teasing me like that or not,” Yunho whispered, his right hand finding its way to your neck, “At least I get to fuck you like this.” 

He turned your gaze back up to him by gripping your neck, when you tried to look at his cock. You managed to see how its tip was covered in clear precum. It was as hard as it always was when you had moments like this, if not even harder. You wondered how it had ever managed to fit inside you with the impressive girth and length. 

“Look at me in the eyes. I want you to look at me clearly so you’ll remember my face every time you talk to another man.” 

You didn’t have time to process Yunho’s words. As he pushed his cock inside you, it was impossible to think about anything else than him. Although you were as wet as ever for him, it was still almost hard to take him in. No matter how many times he had made love to or fucked you, no matter how fast and rough or slow and romantic, he stretched you up nicely every time. 

“My girl. My baby,” Yunho muttered more to himself than to you. His hips had started moving some time ago already, but only now you were coming down back to Earth. 

His hand was on your neck like to use it to support himself, but the grip was still somewhat gentle. It tightened every time he thrusted in, and the lack of air just made you lose your mind in the pleasure even more. 

Your walls were slippery and starting to adjust to his size, so he slid inside with ease. It didn’t mean there was no delicious friction left though. 

“Who do you belong to? Him or me?” he growled into your ear. Although the pace of his hips had grown faster, he made sure to push deep inside you, drawing out every moan he could get from you. 

Your attempt to answer was cut off quickly as Yunho’s hands started squeezing your throat. It would have been hard to breathe even if you weren’t breathless already from having him ram your insides. 

“Answer me. A little choking shouldn’t shut you up like this.” 

Again, you tried to tell Yunho that you were only his to love, fuck, and take care of. But he held your throat tighter again, clearly teasing you. It was impossible to win this game, and you loved it that way. 

A mocking smirk spread on Yunho’s lips, “You don’t have to say it. I know you’re mine by the way I’m the only who ever gets to be balls deep inside you.” 

He released your neck and pressed his hand lightly on your lower stomach. It was no secret that your boyfriend’s cock was big, but the way you could see a clear bulge, the way your lower abdomen moved up and down with Yunho’s thrusts, made you clench down on him. 

“F-Fuck... You make it so hard to stay mad at you,�� he groaned out. 

You watched his eyebrows furrow as if he was holding back. Finally, you had been able to catch your breath, although it was still difficult due to his relentless thrusts. 

“I love you. I’m yours, Yunho...” 

Your pleasured admission not only softened his heart a bit but made him even more lustful. He knew you were his. If you tried to leave him, he’d find a way to make you stay – even with force if necessary. But hearing you say out loud once again that you were his satisfied him. 

“I know. I know, my pretty girl, and I love you too,” his eyes met yours in a gentle way even. 

A loud moan slipped past your lips as Yunho’s fingers found your clit, finally continuing what he had started on the couch in the living room. Circling, pressing, and pinching on it – he did it all. Your sensitive skin tingled and almost felt like on fire. 

“W-Will you fill me up?” you grasped at the sheets under you, making them all rumpled and look unkempt. They were dirty anyways due to the sweating. 

Yunho moved your hands on his shoulders. There was nothing more that he wanted than to see your nail scrapes on his skin, a mark of who he belonged to. 

“I’ll fill you up, baby. My cum will be leaking out,” he looked at you before turning his eyes to his cock, slightly amused, “I’ll just fuck a new load tomorrow then. You’ll have my babies in no time.” 

His talk about breeding you brought you closer to your release, and he definitely noticed it by the way your pussy squeezed his thick cock. 

“Look at your pussy, how it’s clenching down on me. It likes to be bred, huh?” 

“Yunho, I-I'm close... so close,” you whimpered, gripping his shoulders like they were your savior. But you knew nothing could save you from the climax you were reaching quickly. 

Yunho smiled down at you a bit cockily, “Have I made clear who you belong to?” 

“Yes!” you whined, thighs trembling. 

“And who do you belong to, baby?” 

If you weren’t in such a state of mind-blowing pleasure, you could have teased him on purpose and said the name of your coworker. However, now that you were so close to coming, you couldn’t ruin this. 

“You! You, Yunho!..” 

A genuine, sweet smile tugged the corners of his lips slightly upwards. By looking at his furrowed eyebrows, it was clear he was holding back as well, near to orgasm but fighting back for your sake. 

And Yunho knew your body so well, that he recognized your sounds of enjoyment and body language, so that just when you reached the peak, he closed the distance between your lips. Your cries of pure pleasure were muffled by his mouth. 

His body shook and it didn’t take long for him to go over the edge, to let out a few stifled groans. Hot cum spurted out inside you, filling you just like Yunho had promised. 

“So, you’re going to block that man’s number, right?” Yunho mumbled, his head lying down on your chest. He could hear your heart beating rapidly after the intense session but eventually calming down to steady, slow beats. 

You chuckled, caressing his hair slightly damp from the sweat, “I can’t block my coworker’s number.” 

A surprised and disappointed whine fell past your lips as Yunho got up and pulled his now softened cock out of you. He looked down at your pussy, watching with glee how his fresh cum leaked out. There was a lot of it still inside you, but it wasn’t enough for him. Nothing was ever enough for him when it came to you. 

“I guess you can take another load then.” 

[hellodropbear]

like she used to

alexia putellas x sister

i have been writing this for ages and it has just sat in my documents folder since january. i don't usually post stuff i write so this will probably get taken down at some point. i've written 13k words so far but this is just the first 4k.

~~~~~~

I hadn't expected to get the call up, not at all really. But Mapi tore her meniscus and apparently the first team found themselves in need of a backup centre back and I was the best option from the B team. It's a compliment, really. Mami is very proud of me and she is excited for me and my sister to play together in a few weeks, even though she is still recovering from her surgery and I will probably not make it off the bench. I am only 15 and 10 months, usually they wait until you are at least 16 and a bit before you can play. 

But, I don't really know how to feel. Thankfully Alexia won't be in training with me for now and I try to avoid thinking about what will happen when she eventually gets better and I have to face her again.

Alexia is my older sister by a lot. There's a 14 year age gap between us and I used to completely and utterly idolise her. She and Alba were two superheroes, always by my side when I needed them. I put them on a pedestal like they were the greatest human beings to ever walk the planet. To me back then, they were. 

I was only four when my father died. All I remember from that time was the big black invisible sheet that hung outside his study and the dark and scary emotions that swallowed our house whole. Alba and Alexia would argue about who got to cuddle me at night and I was so unaware what was happening that I would happily agree, wiping away their tears when it all got too much. 

The death of our father made our family unit stronger. Mami, Ale, Alba and Elena - it was all any of us needed and we supported each other in whatever ways we could. 

Mami had to pick up more shifts at her job, so she couldn't pick me up from school. Alexia had just got her license so she would come in a break during training and pick me up in her training gear. 

Alexia didn't have time to drop me off at home so I would sit and watch the training with whoever wanted to give me company when they were injured. 

Most days, Alba would come and pick me up and take me on the bus all the way home. She would play cartoons on the TV as she sat at the table and did school work. Some days, when she had the time she would sit with me and watch Alexia's training and we'd all go home together. Alba used to say she enjoyed the training. Looking back, I think she just wanted a free ride home and an excuse to not do her homework. 

As I grew up, everything just worked. Alexia and Alba were still living at home as a support to Mami and everything was perfect. My sisters were my idols, my Mami was my shining star. She still is. She would do anything for her daughters, as long as it meant we were all happy. 

That is why it has been so hard for her over the past two years. 

I have not been happy, not really. My football has been thriving, I have represented my country in the under 17 age group and I am a consistent starter in the Barcelona B team. I spent two years in La Masia before they sent me to the B team last year and I have only been improving since. Everything is going well. Mami says I have had a better start to my career than Alexia did. 

Maybe that is why Alexia hates me. Maybe Mami is just saying that to make me feel better about it.

Alexia and I, despite the 14 year age gap, were always inseparable - for the first 12 years of my life. She was at every single school event, football game, she picked me up from trainings when she could and would train me herself in the garden. We shared a common passion that Alba was not interested in at all - we both love football, we eat, sleep and breath it. Football is everything. She was the one who gave me that mentality. 

"Football is life, Lena, you are lucky you are so good because now you also get to live football and hermanita, it is the most incredible thing." 

She had whispered that to me when I was 11. We were sat on the beach, a place we visited frequently throughout my childhood, both of us staring out at the reflection of the moon on the sea. Alba was fast asleep, her head in Alexia's lap as she snored lightly, completely oblivious to our conversation. 

It all fell apart over three years ago, although I don't have the first clue as to why. 

It was not an explicit event that ruined everything, more my older sister growing up and flying the nest that was so secure and established over years and years of shared success, happiness, failure and grief. She moved out of home long before that, but her split with Jenni upset her, I think, a great deal. I wouldn't know because she didn't really tell me anything - that was strictly Alba's business. 

I didn't even know they had broken up until 5 months after it actually happened. 

"Mami, why does Jenni never come over any more?" 

It was an innocent and normal question, but the look on my mother's face told me everything. Everything about Jenni and everything about my sister. 

I think that was the first knock. She hadn't done anything wrong but I had loved Jenni and Jenni had loved me. I would have thought that she would have told me they broke up. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe she just forgot. She does a lot of that these days. 

Before she and Jenni broke up, she still came to all of my games. She never missed one game before I transferred to La Masia and would insist on taking me out to ice cream after every one. She would tease me for not scoring like she does, even though I play as a centre back. 

"You need some training from Mapi, she is a centre back and has the most lethal free kick, hermanita! She is the best defender I have played with, but don't tell her I said that. I think you will grow up to be better than her." 

She was excited that day, I had made a few good saves and I think that was the first time she really saw that I had the potential to be great. 

I remember the first game she was late to. I noticed immediately but we both pretended she was on time - she only made it to the last 10 minutes but I put it down as traffic or being caught up at training. She was busy, it takes a lot to be La Reina. 

I remember the first game she missed entirely. She wasn't there at the beginning and she wasn't there at the end. I was 13 and I didn't have a phone yet so I couldn't call Mami and ask her to come pick me up because Alexia was too busy. I told myself it was because she was too busy. I didn't want to say she had forgotten because that was too hard for me to handle. 

I remember vividly sitting outside the stadium as the sun set. My coach had asked where my sister was, I was a bit stuck with what to say but I managed to convince her I was fine and she could go home. 

Alba came and picked me up after work that night. It was dark and she looked sad but when I asked if she was ok, she just shrugged her shoulders and said everything would be fine. 

I found out from Mami a few weeks later that Alba was sad because I had never once been forgotten anywhere. Alba saw that as the destruction of our strong family. I suppose she was not wrong. 

Alexia never said anything about that game but she was at the next. She didn't take me out for ice cream after, instead patting my head and telling me she would drop me off at Mami's work. 

"I have things to do, Elena, I am very busy. Hopefully soon Mami will let you catch the bus on your own. Maybe Alba can take you soon so you know the correct routes." 

Her words hurt more than I could admit to myself, I told myself to stop being pathetic. Mami asked why I was crying when I walked into her office. I told her I had played terribly and she comforted me. I think she knew I was lying. I think that is why she had tears in her eyes when she released me from her grip-like hold.

Since that day, Alexia has been to 3 of my games. She went to one more of my old club games but she was sat beside Alba, her eyes glued to her phone the entire match. I was so unfocused that the ball deflected off my face and we conceded. I was taken off with a bleeding nose but when I looked up in the stands, my sister was still staring at her phone. Alba had run down the stairs and was by my side when I entered the little sick bay. 

I cried then too. Most people thought it was because of the bleeding nose or the conceded goal. Alba knew that wasn't the real reason. 

The penultimate game she watched was the final of the under 15s Catalonia cup. I don't know what she did during the game because Mami told me not to look up. She said she didn't want me to get distracted but I think she meant to say she didn't want me to get hurt. 

I think I still idolised Alexia at that point in time. She was still my older sister and she was still the best player in the world. She still had weekly dinners at home, although she wouldn't sit next to me and sneakily take all the food I didn't want off my plate anymore. She stopped staying to watch a movie after dinner even though my favourite part of the week was falling asleep in her lap as her hands combed softly through my hair. 

I remember when I was accepted into La Masia, Mami held a nice big dinner. It was right in the middle of covid so it was technically illegal, but we had a lot of my family over. Mami invited a few of the Barcelona girls as well and Mapi and Leila reminded me of what it used to be like before Alexia stopped loving me. 

The reminder of the before was more painful than I liked to admit, and the night ended when the tears that had been burning in the back of my eyes finally spilled out as I was talking to Mapi. 

She immediately pulled me into her arms and asked what was wrong and I struggled to find a lie that would be believable. 

I settled on saying I was upset about everything changing - which I suppose was true. 

I remember Alexia looking mortified and breaking eye contact as soon as I looked at her. She told me off that evening when Mami was in the shower and Alba was talking to someone else. She told me I needed to be grateful for everything I have been given and that she paved the way for me. 

It was even worse when she said I would never achieve the things she has. She said it was because I didn't have the mentality that she did, that I had it all so easy. 

It hurt the most when she told me she was disappointed in the person I was. 

"I hope we never share a shirt, Elena, because the day you play in the first Barcelona team is the day that we have run out of players. It will mean that football players are week and female footballers can not be weak. You do not have it in you to be like me, to do what I have done to get to where I am."

The venom in her voice sent a cold shiver down my spine and I felt like I had been stabbed. I didn't cry that time. I waited until I was in my bedroom to sob my heart out. 

The last time she ever watched me play was the next day, but she didn't have an option not to. I played terribly, my first game as a La Masia student, my sisters words repeating over and over in my head. 

That was really what tipped the relationship I once shared with Alexia on its head. The pedestal I had put her on was destroyed and suddenly she was just another player. I barely saw her as my sister any more. She couldn't love me, you wouldn't be able to hurt someone you love so much. 

I have barely seen her since. She still comes to our family dinners on Thursday nights - she still very much loves Alba and our Mami. But I tell Mami that I have training with Barcelona B late on Thursdays. It finishes at 6 and dinner starts at 7, but I just organise to go to my friends' houses for dinner instead. 

Sometimes we both have dinner together at home, but it is awkward and I hate it. I think she has probably forgotten about what she said to me in June of 2021, but I don't think I will ever be able to. 

She doesn't like me, but it's ok because I have learnt to accept that. But I will never not love my sister because she was once everything to me. 

~~~~~~

"Pequena Putellas!" Patri's excited shriek is what welcomes me into the dressing room on my first day. She tackles me into a hug and squeezes me tight. "It has been such a long time, mi favorita!" 

The last time I saw Patri was only last year at the champions league final. I had sat with my whole family but I went to the bathroom when everyone else went and spoke to the players. I don't think Patri would have seen me. 

I can only smile as she continues. 

"I remember you as the little 8 year old who would sit and watch our training sessions after school! I was so confused by you when I first arrived here, you know. I remember the first time Ale let you play a game with us and you were so good!" 

"Nobody doubted that you would be on this team one day!" A new voice entered the conversation.

"Marta!" I hugged the brunette closely. She was always one of my favourites. 

"I am proud of you, pequena putellas." 

Her words are familiar as I have heard them out of my mothers voice time and time again my whole life. But they seem foreign coming from Marta and it is an unwanted reminder of my sister. I don't know why - maybe it is because I have always associated this Barcelona team with her. I don't remember the last time she said she was proud of me. 

I don't remember the last time she said anything to me, really. 

"Gracias, Marta, I have missed you." I bury my head into her neck and she holds me closer. 

"You have not been around as much since you transferred to La Masia. I wanted to come and watch but Ale never extended an invitation and I didn't want to overstep." I shake my heads at her words and she frowns. 

"Alexia doesn't have time for my games, she hasn't for a while. It takes a lot to be La Reina." 

Marta's frown deepens at my words and the attention of a few spanish players is captured. I should have spoken quieter, I forgot how many people in here speak catalan. 

"It is ok, she is very supportive, but she just can't come to my games. She makes it up in other ways." I am lying through my teeth but Marta will never know. 

"I am sure, she must be very proud of you, being selected in this team for the first time, it is a big deal, you are very young."

All I can do is nod, my energy is all being put into holding back my own tears. I don't know if Mami told her. I don't know if Alexia even knows that I was selected. 

"Get changed now, I am sure Jona will want to talk to you before the session, especially with the game tomorrow."

I nod again as Marta pats me on the back and walk over to the cubby that says my name. It feels a bit surreal, really. 

I never really thought I would see my name on a Barcelona cubby, accompanied by my new number that I chose in the meeting a few days ago. It was always a dream, but I never thought it was achievable. Alexia always seemed like a superstar, a superhuman of sorts and I would never reach that kind of level. 

But here I am in the team that I always wanted to be in - in no way am I anywhere near my sisters level but I am on my way to being like her. I just wish she cared. I wish she was proud of me like Marta is. 

Her cubby sits across from me and I try to tear my eyes from it but it sits and stares right back at me. I feel like an intruder in Alexia's space, this is not for me, she would not want me to be here. 

I tie my laces quickly after that and head out onto the pitches to begin training. 

I have trained with the first team twice before, but the Barcelona Bs were always slightly seperate and we could keep our distance from the first players. Jonatan is a familiar face and I feel comfortable as he smiles and me and motions for me to follow the others to the gym. 

It is weird, being promoted within my own club. I am not so much a new signing, but a replacement - I am not good enough to be in the first team but they had no other options when Mapi injured herself. 

I used to worry that people would say I only get opportunities because my last name is Putellas. When my sister told me I was weak all those years ago, that idea sort of cemented in my head, I suppose. 

I never told my Mami what her daughter said to me because it would upset her. I told Alba half of it when she found me crying in my room a few days later but made her promise to not tell anyone. She couldn't say anything to Mami, Alexia, anyone at all because it would only make Alexia think I was weaker. 

She was furious and tried to tell me it was untrue but it had already been said. I believed Alexia's word more than anyone else. To me, she was a superhuman. 

But when I spoke to Jonatan a few days ago he made me feel like I was wanted within this squad. He made it clear that he wants me to integrate completely into the squad in the next few years and that he can see me playing soon even though I am only 15. 

I told him I didn't want anything special because of my surname. 

He told me that he chose me because of my first name. 

"Elena Putellas,"  he said with a grin, "you may be as good as her, but you are not your sister. This is a professional environment. As long as you perform, which I know you will, nobody will care what your name is."

It was a big boost to my confidence. 

Aitana Bonmati caught up to me quickly as I walked to the gym. 

"You are big now." I chuckled but did not look over, I didn't need to really. "But not that big. You are only 15, si?"

"Yes, I am 15." 

I met Aitana when she first joined the club. She always used to say that she would steal me and take me home with her because she thought I was adorable. It is strange that I am now sort of in the same team as her. 

She started playing for the first team when I was 8. I was older then, I played my own football and liked staying with Alexia so I could kick a ball around with her teammates when they were done. 

Aitana was one of the few who would stay every time I was there. When Alexia didn't want to wait she would drive me home herself, all the way to the other side of Barcelona. We would always stop for ice cream on the way home. 

"I have not seen you in too long, Lena. I have missed you a lot but you have been doing very well in the B team. I am very proud and I take credit for your abilities." She spoke in such a dead pan voice but it was somehow still filled with emotion. 

"I have missed you too, ABC." It was a nickname I gave her the first time she drove me home. I had been learning about the alphabet in English class and had the little song stuck in my head when she told me her full name. I used to sing her initials in the tune of the song but it quickly merged to me just saying the three letters. 

"I have been to a few of your games, you know?" 

I look at her in confusion, I have never seen her there. She just nods. 

"Alexia never invited any of us but she was never at the ones I went to so I would sit in the stands with a hat and glasses so people wouldn't recognise me, but I was there. I went to your La Masia games as well. You have become a phenomenal player, Lena."

She has always spoken with such sincerity. I have missed her a lot. 

"Maybe you can drop me off at home again tonight? I have missed you."

She chuckles and pulls me into a side hug. 

"I was waiting for you to ask, little Lena. Oh you are not so little any more!"

I chuckle as well and let my head fall onto her shoulder as we enter the gym. My eyes scan the room, looking at all of the players on their equipment, nerves quickly settling inside me. 

"Don't worry, it's all easy." Aitana seems to read my mind. "Just come with me and I will show you how to do everything. It will become second nature in the next few days."

The gym session went quickly as I was taught all the different exercises. I was familiar with most of them, having done a very similar program in the past with the B team. 

We went out onto the field to do some drills and I played well. Jonatan was impressed and so were the first players. My teammates? Maybe, not quite, I don't think. I still haven't been in a team list, so I suppose I'll be their teammate when that eventually happens. 

It wasn't until we reached the ice cream shop that Aitana started asking me all the awkward questions. I should have seen it coming. 

"Why do you never come to our games anymore, Lena?" I was very grateful for the scoops of gelato in my hands. Eating it delayed my response as I tried to come up with something to say. I shrug as I eat.

I can not say it is because I do not get along with Alexia. It is too hard for me to say now, even after all these years. 

"I'm not sure. I suppose I got busy with my own training and school. I have been to a few but I usually go home with Alba pretty quickly after they finish." It is only half a lie but she just shrugs, apparently not believing my words. 

"And why is it that I am driving you home from your first ever first team training? I thought Alexia would have wanted to." I anticipated a question like this but that does not mean I wanted her to actually ask it. 

"Alexia is busy." I hope that Aitana understands I don't want to talk about it. I haven't spoken about my broken relationship with my sister to anyone. I think she can sense something is wrong though, because she puts her spoon back into her ice cream and grabs my arm so I am staring right at her. 

"If you ever want to talk, I am right here, Lena. I know you don't like people knowing what is going on inside that crazy head of yours but it is good to release your feelings." 

She definitely knows something is wrong so I appreciate her not pushing. 

"I have outlets, I play football, I play the piano, I am ok, aitana, I really am." 

She eyed me as if to say she didn't believe me but dropped the topic anyway. 

"When did you get so good?"

chapter II

[ghirahimbo]

Okay, so I am probably going to get hate for this, but I voted for Trump, and I am shocked at how upset people are about his re-election. As a Republican, we have constant allegations of being racist, homophobic, xenophobic, fascists, against women (the list goes on and on). We have been silenced and abused for over a decade, and yes it hurts. I am genuinely curious how Trump is any of those things listed above, despite there being no evidence shown through his actions, besides clips spread by the left-wing media taken out of context or a joke being blown way out of proportion. (Building a wall to keep millions of people from pouring into our country illegally without any screening not counting as racist). It's clear his personality isn't for everyone. His rhetoric is masculine, he obviously is not sensitive, politically correct, or polished, but despite this, millions of other people from all walks of life support him, including MILLIONS of people from so called marginalized groups. I highly doubt that over half of the people in this country are filled with hatred and violence. If anything, I have felt physically unsafe as a conservative around far leftists. (For example, once at a music camp I heard people say that they would volunteer to shoot conservatives into a ditch like the Naz*s did to the Jews, and everyone was like "YASSS QUEEN.") They thought it was hilarious, but I was terrified. Another thing that I noticed was the only concrete thing Harris really talked about in her campaign was abortion. I think it should be available for incest and rape, (there is also so much you can do before it gets to that point too, unless you're a helpless child, like go to the hospital for plan B) but I find it sick how that was basically the only thing focused on in the Harris campaign. I highly doubt that anything will change as far as "women's rights" since it's up to the states now to decide their abortion laws. It's obvious that many people certainly felt scared during his first term, and I am not denying that racism sexism etc. does exist, but to me, it's evident that the scale of the fear had completely been blown out of proportion. There were no wars, no boys in girls' sports, transgendersism being preached to underaged kids in school, and the prices for everything were better during Trump's first term to name a few things. I certainly felt happier and safer. I was scared of my brother being send overseas for WW3 if Harris was elected, so I am very relived. I don't know your personal beliefs, but why do you think so many people are hysterical about his re-election? I really admire you and your work, so I say this in all respect.

For context, I received this ask a few days after the election, and worked on my response off and on over the next few weeks before dropping it altogether because rehashing it all was putting me in such a bad mood, and then honestly… I forgot about it. Having rediscovered this in my ask box, I figured I might as well post what I’d already written since I really did put some time into it, and then try to wrap it up with some sort of ending. It’s long. Here goes:

Hi! You seem to be reaching out in good faith, so I’ll do my best to respond in kind. There's a problem in this country where people seem to be experiencing two very different versions of reality, and I've been grappling this week with the question of how to break through the cycle of outrage and fear that so many of us are trapped in. Maybe this can be a start to that. 

I can also speak to you from the perspective of someone who grew up conservative and shifted drastically leftward throughout my 20s, and who remembers struggling early on with some of the same things you're struggling with. Particularly, I remember grappling with the accusations that people like me were racist/homophobic/etc. because I didn't feel any such way.

With that being said:

When you speak of feeling unsafe, this is due to beliefs that you hold—and beliefs, while an important factor in determining who somebody is, are subject to change over time on both the small and large scale. If your social or political beliefs eventually shift, you will no longer feel threatened in quite the same way. When marginalized communities describe feeling unsafe, this is due to something intrinsic to their nature, whether that's gender or sexual orientation or the color of their skin. There is no way for them to alter themselves in a way that will make them “acceptable” to those who already hate them for who they are.

This is not to argue in favor of belief-based discrimination or to excuse the kids in music camp—young people exist on both sides of the political spectrum and they’re gonna say shit, and I heard the same or worse from people in my grounds crew in college targeted towards a more liberal population—but it's important to recognize that not all beliefs are created equal. Some are straight up incorrect (flat earth theory), some come as a result of undue influence (cults), and some beliefs are flat out dangerous (white supremacy). Where one person's beliefs interfere with another person's rights is the point where most people start to take issue—and all of that is to say that the beliefs of Donald Trump and his party trample on the rights of marginalized groups and others, and whether you personally align with every one of those beliefs simply doesn’t matter. Whether you personally think of yourself as racist, xenophobic, or anything else, by supporting Trump’s presidency, you signal your acceptance of everything that comes along with it, and those who feel threatened by that support won't care whether your acceptance comes out of ignorance or malice. You're going to face, and have already experienced, a lot of animosity due to your support of those harmful beliefs.

Of course, this is the point where we’re going to have to backtrack because you've already mentioned not understanding how Trump is anything negative other than rough around the edges. As bewildering as that statement is when held up against my own experience, you're not the only person I've seen saying something similar—but then, our country's perception gap (how people from each political party view each other) and the effect of echo chambers and algorithms on the information we're exposed to are both well-studied phenomena at this point. You also stated that Trump's first term as president was fairly positive from your perspective—no wars, a stronger pre-Covid economy, and a general feeling of safety. These two points seem related to me, and I’ll address them together.

I guess first of all, whatever information you've been exposed to thus far, I do want to assure you that Trump has clearly demonstrated the content of his character beyond the need for embellishment or anything pieced together out of context. In fact, the old classic “grab ‘em by the pussy” is made much worse by its context: “I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”

I just… simply don't have the energy to pull up all the receipts on Donald Trump of all people, but if you're inclined to do some research, look into all the contractors Trump stiffed in previous construction deals, causing bankruptcies and destroying small businesses in the process. Read up on the scam that was Trump University and the predatory tactics used to sell expensive “courses” specifically to vulnerable people. Consider whose best interest Donald Trump has ever and will ever look out for. All of this was well known (I think?) during the 2016 election, but not enough to keep Trump out of office, which is maybe why it's simultaneously treated as common knowledge and never brought up anymore.

Leading into Trump’s first term, I think it’s fair to assume that neither you nor I are in a demographic that was most obviously affected by the worst of Trump’s acts as president, but I do still remember the Muslim Ban: straightforwardly xenophobic, promised first on the campaign trail and then later put into effect during his presidency despite findings from the Department of Homeland Security itself that people from the seven nations affected by the travel ban posed no increased terrorist risk. It sure did fan the flames of hate among those who were already afraid of our Muslim population, though—and consider that according to an FBI report, hate crimes rose by 20% during Donald Trump’s term as president. Consider the wave of racially motivated harassment and texts spurred by the most recent election and realize that whatever Trump’s own views may be, he has always emboldened and empowered the worst of us. I don't care if Trump is personally racist when his policies and rhetoric directly affect minorities. I don't care if he's homophobic when the politicians he places into power alongside him specifically and explicitly want to dismantle hard-won rights for LGBTQ people.

I remember the nuclear pissing match Donald Trump got into with Kim Jong Un on Twitter, and the fear of World War III that lingered for weeks after—a fear famously memorialized in John Mulaney's “Horse in a Hospital” bit which, if you watch it, might explain exactly how that first Trump presidency felt for many Americans. Did that not seep through to the right wing media? 

More than anything else, I remember the “zero-tolerance” anti-immigration practice that came in the form of the child separation policy—and yes, I remember the wall. The wall that Mexico was going to pay for, though of course only US funds were ever used for its construction. The wall that research from the Department of Defense determined would not prevent a substantial portion of immigration—but it sure did make a handy mobilizing symbol, didn’t it?

The lies. There's just something different about the way Donald Trump lies—something that makes you feel a little crazy. Most of them are just so easily disproven that you wonder how he could possibly get away with it… but then he doubles down, and his rabid fan base believes him without question, and the far right media treats it as fact, and suddenly you have to treat his most ridiculous statements seriously because they have serious, real-world consequences (I think I’ve seen this described recently as “sanewashing”). Donald Trump says with no basis in fact or reality that Haitian immigrants are eating your dogs and cats, and a woman in Springfield calls the cops on her Haitian neighbor because her cat has gone missing.

And then poke around a bit. Look up some facts. Research. You've asked me to help explain why so many people are scared of Trump’s re-election, and I've already put literal hours into this response because I'm hoping it might do an ounce of good and I don't know what else to do… 

In fact, do me a favor: go to the Wikipedia article titled “False or misleading statements by Donald Trump”, really internalize this warning:

…And this is where I lost steam when I was initially writing this response because honestly, there’s an essay that could be written to refute every point you’ve made, and I just can’t do that. Political analysts across the country have tried to take apart and analyze voting demographics and campaign strategies and just about everything else related to the election, to varying levels of success—so I’m just gonna wrap this up with the strong suggestion that you can’t see the racism/xenophobia because it’s coming from inside the house, and a plea to you to recognize why you are being led to fear the “other.” 

Transphobia, for example, is not only written between the lines of your ask but soaking it all the way through. I saw enough political ads leading up to the election to know that “transgender panic” was one of THE issues pushed forward by right wing media (right alongside immigration), and if you’re pretty young, which I think you are, then you might not realize how much of a recent development this is culturally? Not transphobia in general—not at all—but the panic part. When I was roughly as old as I suspect you are, it was gay panic, and “think of the children,” and the reaction against Proposition 8 and “I don’t care if they’re together, but why do they have to call it marriage?” And before that it was the satanic panic, and woven all through our country’s history is anti-immigration rhetoric against various groups and ethnicities, because demonizing the “other” keeps your focus off the people who are actually, tangibly making your life worse through the corruption and policies they enact that you don’t notice because they’re pointing the finger elsewhere. It's an old song. And I just scrolled up to look at your ask again, saw that you’d written that “it's evident that the scale of the fear has completely been blown out of proportion,” and burst out laughing because that’s what it is! 

And like, I could link you to some sources that I think do a good job of debunking everything that the “trans panic” is built on (there’s an episode of the podcast Maintenance Phase that has some of the best gathered research I’ve found so far), but you probably wouldn’t find it particularly palatable—and that’s part of the problem, isn’t it? 

Anyway, I don’t think I can stomach reading all this through again right now, but I do wish you luck and a happy new year. I hope this response did any good at all, and I hope my fears for the upcoming presidency prove to be overblown. Can’t say I’m feeling too optimistic, though.

Peace ✌️

[halfmoondaze]

Flickering Desieres

A fic collaboraton with @heavyhitterheaux

Born and raised in Y/H/T, Y/N knew from a young age that she wanted to be a singer and that she wasn’t going to let anything get in her way of her dream becoming a reality. 

She would go on to perform in local bars and coffee shops that were known to have open-mic nights and spend the rest of her time writing her own songs and posting videos of her singing on Tik Tok. 

She posted a song that she had written called “Drowning in the Blue” on the platform, not thinking much of it. However, the song quickly gained traction and went viral, amassing over 230 million views. 

As the song gained popularity on Tik Tok, she quickly caught the attention of music label executives who were eager to sign her. 

After careful consideration, she chose the small independent label “Adagio Records Co.” And the rest was history.

Every single time an opportunity presented itself, she would sing. Whether it be around the house, performing for family, or local talent shows. When she saw an opportunity to sing, she took it.

Meanwhile, Jack had just finished filming his latest movie starring Matt Damon and Casey Affleck called “The Instigator” in Portland. Overall, Jack felt more inspired than ever to go back to the studio and create new music. The last thing that he ever wanted anyone to think is that he was leaving music behind for acting, because that definitely wasn’t the case.

“Look if it isn’t the movie star.” Urban said as Jack entered the recording studio.

“Hey man.”

They did their secret handshake as Jack sat down next to him.

“How was Portland?” Nemo asked.

“Wet.” 

They started laughing from Jack’s response and Nemo just simply shook his head. 

“The label got me this list of the possible female singers we could bring in for the feature” DJ Drama said as he sat down. 

“Shoot, let’s hear it.” 

“Doja Cat?”

Jack thought for a second. “No” 

“SZA?”

“No”

“Y/N?”

Jack pauses for a moment. 

“Who is Y/N? I’ve never heard of her. Is she a new artist?”

“Her song blew up when she posted it on Tik Tok not too long ago. Since you hardly ever go on there, I didn’t really expect you to know.”

As Jack quickly learned about Y/N’s music, he became captivated by her sound as a singer which was something unlike anything he had heard before. A sound that was both fresh and somehow nostalgic. With hints of 90’s R&B, soul, and smooth jazz; mixed with contemporary pop. He found her songwriting skills impressive and authentic. He was hooked. 

At this point in time, the choice was obvious and he couldn't wait to meet her in person.

He felt as though this would be a good move for him seeing as the most he ever did with another female artist was hop on the remix version of a song. However, this time they were starting from scratch and knew that this was something that his fans had been waiting for. New features with new people.

It was true that he was worried about the hype surrounding him and his career dying down, but knew for a fact that as soon as he made the announcement surrounding the single being released, it would pick back up. 

That morning, Y/N showed up early to the studio wearing a men’s button up shirt as a dress, knee socks and sneakers wanting to be comfortable for however long that she was going to be here for. 

“Y/N, you must already know Jack.” DJ Drama introduced her.

Jack went in for a hug but Y/N stopped him reaching out for her hand for him to shake. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you.” 

Jack smiled. 

“Good things, I hope” he joked as he shook her hand. 

Jack went on and introduced Y/N to Urban and Nemo. 

“We are glad to have you here. Thank you for helping us out” he smiled. 

“Happy to help.” 

“Would you like to go over the song?” 

“No, I’m good,” she said as she entered the recording booth and put on the headphones. 

Jack was taken back by her confidence but thought it was very attractive.

“Ok. Whenever you’re ready” he said. 

That’s when Y/N who was supposed to sing the chorus to his song “Locked In” however, she completely changed the lyrics and Jack stopped her mid performance. 

“Can we stop?” Jack asked as he looked over at Nemo who simply nodded his head.

Nemo stopped the track and waited for the both of you to agree on the next steps.

Y/N takes off her headphones and turns to Jack wondering what the problem was, but deep down she knew.

“Those aren’t the lyrics” he said and turned to Nemo. “Do you have a copy of the lyrics you can give to Y/N?. 

“Oh, I know what the lyrics are” 

“Then why aren’t you singing them?” Jack asked not understanding what was happening at the moment.

“Well, as far as I’m concerned, I was told to come here to help you with your lyrics which is what I did.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Your label approached me to help you write a hit. And that’s what I'm trying to do."

“My last album was very successful.” 

“I don’t think an album that scored 2.9 on Pitchfork would be considered successful.” 

Jack looked at her stunned, not knowing how to respond.

“No offense, but your music is on a surface level” you replied not missing a beat. “You talk about all this generic stuff like proving your haters wrong, bragging about your conquests…nothing groundbreaking” you paused. “You never reveal anything about yourself.”

Jack clenched his jaw as he crossed his arms, but he didn’t look away from you as you were talking to him.

“I’m sorry?” he raised his brow, feeling a mix of surprise and irritation. No one had ever challenged him like this before.

“You’re not really saying anything” Y/N pressed. “If you want to stand out, you need to be more vulnerable”

He scoffed. 

“And just spill my dirty laundry into the world?” he shot back. “I’m not doing that”

“Suit yourself” Y/N shrugged. “But don’t expect your fans to care for your music if you’re not willing to be real with them.”

With that Jack left the studio without another word, clearly pissed off because of the exchange that had just happened. 

Y/N turned to look at DJ Drama who couldn’t contain his laughter. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Y/N curiously asked because as far as she was concerned, she was simply being honest with him. 

Jack walked out of the studio and headed over to Craig Kallman’s office who was the CEO of Atlantic Records and he quickly knocked on the door. Hearing his voice say ‘Come in.’ He proceeded to enter.

“Jack, what’s up?” He asked as he looked up at him.

“There’s a bit of an issue with the collab with Y/N. I don’t think she’s the right fit.”

Craig simply looked at him before offering his advice.

“Jack, I know it can be challenging working with a new artist, but I think Y/N can bring a fresh perspective and new life into your music.”

Jack sighs as he sits on the sofa across from Craig’s desk. 

“I’ve built my career on my own terms and I don’t want to compromise my authenticity for the sake of a hit song.”

“We’re not asking you to compromise Jack. We’re asking you to explore new possibilities and push your boundaries as an artist.” Craig says, his tone gentle but firm. “Let’s just call it a day and start over tomorrow; I’ll let Y/N know” 

Jack was feeling somewhat reassured but still conflicted. 

He stood up, thanked Craig and exited his office hoping that things would go better tomorrow

[weena-mercator]

narumitsu fic recs - part 1

I've been putting together fic recs for a while, trying to sort things into different categories rather than just sharing one big post of stories that are all over the place in type, length, etc. - I've appreciated all the fic recs I've gotten on reddit and in nrmt discord servers, and wanted to compile things in such a way that it makes it easier for those who are interested in reading more fanfic! while I still have decent amount of fics bookmarked on my "to read" list, i have read a not insubstantial number this year (don't mind me just rolling into the fandom nearly 23 years late - actually I really liked AA when I first saw GG play in 2019, bought the game b/c of it - & I liked nrmt but something about JFA was the turning point for me to become just totally normal about them)

anyways, i digress...

I'll start off with my favorite contenders for long (more than 50K words) canon-compliant (or mostly canon-compliant fics) - some are more dramatic and some are more light-hearted

obviously since this is a recommendation list, I may make comments about how I feel about something with a fic that you don't agree with - I only say this to point out some of my thoughts regarding the fic, not to start a hc war... and I'm definitely not trying to say "this author is wrong" or anything like that, just pointing out my personal opinion

a long way to fall by prospectkiss

this is the first long fic I ever read for nrmt and I can't recommend it enough. Heads up that this fic is E - Taking place between T&T and AJ (handwavey give them more time in this time period than in canon), this is also a case fic that majorly ties in to the plot - you've got romantic tension, mutual pining, drama, angst and a great (and spicy) ending. word count: 78K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: I admit I am partial to getting together fics that are pre-disbarment or very early 7YG, the PINING and build up is incredible and it’s very difficult to put down but especially once you get about halfway through, it will be hard to stop! I think I read this in only 2 sittings.

the long way home by griffonage

a fic that deserves SO much more love - it is so incredibly well-written and heart-wrenching. the very beginning covers major events of the first trilogy quickly while the majority of the story takes place during the 7YG. Phoenix is always right there for Edgeworth, but Edgeworth is pretty great at making terrible decisions -including running away from things he wants deep down- and that finally takes its toll on Phoenix, whose anger is very justified. Per the tags: ??? to friends?? to it's complicated to it's VERY complicated to... unsurprisingly this makes for a pretty angsty relationship & moments that make you just want to shake Miles (and Phoenix, but a lot more Miles). This is also an E fic FYI, as far as I remember that stuff is only short scenes in a few places as opposed to like, a whole chapter devoted to it. word count: 84K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: there are multiple little case fics along the way that are interesting, this story truly made me sad I wasn’t also working and exploring in Europe, Trucy!!, the OCs are very well done, it’s a great character study of Miles, and writing wise, this is one of the most well-written stories I’ve ever read among fanfic and published novels written in my lifetime

trace (vestiges) by FaultyParagon

this fic is pretty well known, and while it may not rank quite as high for me now as it did when I first read it, I do regard it highly. I don't know how much editing/beta-reading happened for it, so my one little thing about it is that the grammar mistakes happened a little too frequently to gloss over, but still not terrible (I know we all write for free but with frequent or significant enough errors, I'm taken out of the world easily, maybe that's not a problem that affects the majority of readers, idk). A mostly filling in the gaps fic that takes place from AAPW to right before DD - it's not exactly a slow burn, but just because they manage to get together earlier rather than later doesn't mean they aren't going to encounter obstacles in their relationship. This fic is M - it sort of rides that line between M and E in my opinion, as the sex isn't very graphic but not just glossed over either. word count: 225K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: touch-starved Miles, again, I’m partial to them getting together pre-disbarment, despite it not being exactly a slow burn it does have quite a build up, I really love seeing Miles have a lot personal growth, especially in regards to handling his emotions, during his “choose death” year and during 7YG as well as how he is there for Phoenix and Trucy during that time

turnabout feelings by ssygir

a 7YG fic where Edgeworth requests Phoenix's help to research trials by jury, bringing Phoenix and Trucy with him to Paris - where they unintentionally get caught up in a murder investigation, and Phoenix realizes his feelings for Edgeworth are definitely not platonic. While my personal view is that Phoenix has known he's been in love with Miles for a looooong time, I can appreciate a good fic where he's just now figuring that out. Some little things about Edgeworth's characterization feel off to me, but maybe that's just me. This fic is E, but that's pretty much limited to one chapter. one small note: this fic does have a follow up, but hasn't been updated in over a year (although the author has said they plan to finish it at least! so hope is not lost yet) word count: 76K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s an early 7YG getting together story, the case fic is fun, not a total sloooooow burn but definitely builds up, a good pick when you want a more lighthearted story with very little angst

dating for a turnabout by Mikomikono

technically set in that tiny window between AAI2 and Phoenix's disbarment, Miles asks Phoenix to join him to investigate a smuggling operation at a resort - except they find out that the event taking place at the resort is a couple's retreat, and the only way to have full access is to pose as one... oh and of course Larry happens to be there too. This one is a fun case fic with mutual pining, only one bed and a sprinkling of angst among some silliness and fluff - while I wish there was a little more to the ending, it was a very fun read, T rating. word count: almost 90K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: the author has little profiles and evidence info for the case posted for each chapter, very fun! I’m picky about fake dating stories and I think this one does it very well, and again, I really like seeing pre-disbarment getting together - and they are pining fools here, it’s good stuff

chasing history by SlatedForAbandonment

post canon, Phoenix invites Miles to stay in his guest room while he's in LA working on his PhD. Some small notes on timeline - this is where it gets a little loose with canon compliance, although the author does note that in the tags - Edgeworth is already Chief Prosecutor but currently taking a leave of absence to work on his dissertation, but hasn't found permanent residence again yet, despite this being a few years post SOJ (at one point it is stated that Apollo is 28) - I also feel like a lot of Edgeworth's behavior/reactions are more fitting of trilogy era Edgeworth, or even early 7YG... all that being said, it is a super slow burn, well-written with fun dialogue and very sweet moments as well as a bit of angst. rating is T. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: even though I feel like this story would more realistically take place much earlier in canon, you get a great slow burn with plenty of incredibly sweet moments along the way that just make you melt

the catch-up game by theacegrace

post canon, Trucy is on a year-long magic show tour and Phoenix is left feeling like everyone keeps moving on and leaving him behind, while also dealing with some realizations regarding one Miles Edgeworth. again, my personal take is that Phoenix would've realized this long before now, but this story is an interesting Phoenix character study and once you get about 3/4 through the story, the situation is very tense - it's hard to not read this whole thing, or at least the back half, in one sitting. rated T. word count: 66K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s always interesting to consider that prior to his disbarment, Phoenix was the more self-assured and bold one of the two when it came to matters of the heart, and then afterwards that essentially flips for a while - now Miles has gained a lot of confidence and gone through a lot of emotional growth (Phoenix starts to gain this back a lot after becoming a lawyer again, but he’s definitely not just back to trilogy-era Phoenix)

it would feel so good to make you mine by hi_its_ellis and lowbatteryhealth

post DD, this is an unusual slow burn - both Phoenix and Miles know they're in love with each other, but they've come to an unspoken agreement on how to handle this - there's a winner and a loser, and the "loser" is whoever cracks first. honestly, another fic where I just wanted to shake them until they came to their sense, but it's very fun and sweet, T rating. word count: 54K POV: various why it’s a must read IMO: it’s tagged idiots to usdiots LMAO, so many sweet moments among the aggravation - they are BOTH moron-sexual, your honor, and you’ll want to strangle them /affectionate…

a turnabout toast by ideny

summary by author: (after the events of AJ) an estranged Phoenix and Miles respond to a friendly challenge from an unexpected source: do three things each to fix your lives. this fic is technically the least canon compliant because we of course learn in DD (and this fic was written before the release of DD) that Phoenix and Miles did spend time together during his disbarment, at the very least in Europe helping Miles research. So this is a hell of an angsty read, worth it for the story-telling despite that it departs from canon in that way. Not rated, but I don't recall anything above T rating stuff happening in it. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: damn they really go through it in this one, dealing with the aftermath of the events of AJ is very interesting, lots of angst but I feel compelled to tell you don’t worry, the ending will ease your pain

Obligatory recs:

legal partners by miggy

project: matchmakers by WingSongHalo

how to court a fool in under three months by snowyrunes

All 3 of these are post canon getting together fics, AND all 3 are told from various POVs, not just Phoenix and Miles - there's a reason they are some of the most well-known ones - PM is probably the most fluffy with the least angst (and has a very cute multi chapter follow up), followed by LP (has a fairly short E follow up) - HTCAFIUTM is the slowest burn (it also has a follow up that hasn't been updated since 2022... which stinks because it did leave off on a bit of a cliffhanger and I really wanna know what's going to happen lol)

I have yet to read the highly regarded canon-compliant long fics listed below, but they are on my to-read list!

you ever been in love? by hechima

saturation by tiedyed trickster *

indefensible by zombolouge *

a brief for the defense by Ophelia_Writes * (this has now been orphaned FYI)

turnabout dishwasher by zuzsenpai

*indicates that it has not been finished yet, possibly won't ever be

If you know of any other 50K+ canon-compliant fics that you'd highly recommend, please let me know!

my other posts will be for AUs, chapter fics shorter than 50K, one-shots (might have to divide those up by theme), probably a NSFW set as well if there's interest!

[truearchangel]

Okay, I’m at a computer again finally. I want to update and organize my rules before I do anything. It’s been a while since they’ve been changed and I really feel like I need to adjust them for my own comfort. Also, just a reminder @thylightbringer is my main Lucifer and one of my best friends. Things that reference a Lucifer in threads relate to them. We’re both silly little beans and you should definitely follow them if you don’t already. I adore B with everything I got.

Some other cool beans you should definitely follow:

@alteregozowie @radioiaci @diistortion @adflictus @solmxri @arachn0philia @gamblins @paymons @hotlhost @chasingrainbcws

They’re rather incredible writers who put great spirit and love into their muses. I haven't had the pleasure of interacting with all of them yet but I certainly watch them from afar, admiring the way that they write their muses. All of us put such depth thought love and passion into our muses and a lot of the time we don't feel like it gets seen read or cared about but that is certainly not the case. Though we might forget to leave a like or feel awkward giving a comment on something we're not a part of, everyone has carved out a wonderful spot for themselves in this silly little space.

Zowie, TJ and Luke are beautiful artists who put passion into making their muses come to life. Luke especially has poured time and effort into helping me bring Mike into reality on the wonderful art he has made for me. All three of them draw their own icons for their muses to breathe even more passion into the things they're making. The time, effort and love that has to take is beyond my small brains comprehension.

Gold I noticed draws too, I saw their wonderful art of Angel at Halloween in that kinky latex outfit which you can see on their artblog @golddraws and they are very much talented as well. I adore the way they play Angel and the absolutely amazing and hilarious Gingerbread fight that they engaged with me in. I still can't believe how long they kept that up with me without getting annoyed.

Autumn and Rory are two people I haven't gotten the chance to engage with yet but that I have carefully watched on the blog since sticking them in my pocket. Rory is very passionate about Paymon and the hcs, meta, various posts that they have made about them are absolutely brilliant to consume up. I absolutely love watching them engage with others. Autumn writes two other muses and the new bird along with Husk really are people Mike is going to scoop up and steal. Their blog aesthetics are so pretty and I adore Husk! He feels very on character from the posts I read from them. Especially with Angel, I read a lot of the Angel threads.

Charlie @chasingrainbcws is very aware of how I feel about them. Though it's been a while since we're written together (I need to throw some memes at you) they very much capture the feeling of Charlie herself from the show. I've only written with their Charlie and Emily (briefly her) but each interaction I got to do with the Princess of Hell very much felt like I could hear her voice or see her actually doing what she was in the show. I could clearly visualize our thread and I loved that. They are an amazing writer who really captures their muse well and I can't wait for the things we might get to do in the future. Either with Charlie or the other wonderful muses they write!

May @hotlhost is my newest friend who I've engaged with briefly but I loved and laughed so hard at the things we've done already. Charlie is absolutely brilliant and adorable and the interactions I've seen of them feel so spot on. Mike already very much wants to scoop his niece up and tuck her away somewhere where things won't get to her. I can't wait to see where their relationship develops when we get a real thread going!

Yata and Tordo are my friends and I will kill for them. @adflictus @solmxri are my chaotic partners in crime along with Bianca @thylightbringer. They've put up with me, listened to me ramble / cry / scream / have a breakdown more times than I can count. They've handled my for so long it should deserve some sort of metal of honor. They're all beautiful writers who have put so much time and effort into their muses (especially Tordo whose been around maybe even longer than me and created the Gabriel Yata writes), and the depth that all takes is remarkable. They all breathe such life into their muses and world and I love them. They will forever be a part of anything I create.

[metal-mouse]

Keep You Off My Mind

pairing(s): Ominis Gaunt x f!MC, Sebastian Sallow x f!MC (M/F Pairing)

themes: Body horror. Angst. Smut. Hurt/Comfort except the comfort isn't really comforting. Unrequited love. This one goes out to my horny and sad homies.

warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. Smut. All characters aged up. Horror. Insects. Graphic nightmare (skip past the italicized text if you don't want to read this part). unprotected and passionate p in v. MC lowkey toxic. Sebastian in Azkaban.

summary: 4.2k words. It has been five years since Sebastian Sallow was sentenced to life in Azkaban. You have moved into a shared flat with Ominis Gaunt, who rescues you from a horrific nightmare one night. In your shared guilt, you find comfort in each other.

note: I wanted to post this before Halloween but then I didn't finish it oops. So here, have it in the new year. I've never really written anything horror-esque before so I wanted to give it a shot. I actually had a nightmare almost exactly like the one MC has, it was whack. Anyways, I hope you enjoy. If you're new here my toxic trait is not proof-reading. I'm so sorry Sebastian, I'll write something happy for you I swear.

You walk through the Viaduct Courtyard with Ominis. He’s speaking to you, but you can’t hear what he’s saying. It’s a muffled sound coming from his mouth, as though he’s got cotton in his mouth. You turn to look at Ominis, and he stops walking. He looks at you, his eyes a bright piercing blue. Gone is the cloudiness you’ve become accustomed to. His lips spread into a smile that is too wide for his face, his cheeks and eyes crinkling and warping. You take a step back, opening your mouth to ask him what’s wrong. All that comes out is a long, drawn out groan. You can’t speak. You look to your left, seeking someone who can help. You are alone in the courtyard with only Ominis, there is not a trace of life anywhere. You look back to him and see Sebastian there instead, still with those bright blue eyes and that horrifying smile. Dread coiled in your chest as the freckles that dotted his skin darkened and split open into countless little holes. You were frozen in place, as his warped lips quivered and those eyes stared into your very soul and the skin on his face began to wriggle. Small bugs push their way out of his skin, slender and brown with pincers on their back end. They come out of every hole, every freckle, crawling around on his skin and then digging their way back into his flesh while Sebastian smiles that too-wide grin. You’re screaming now, but no sound comes out. You reach for your wand, every instinct in your body screaming at you to defend yourself as Sebastian starts moving towards you. Taking steps backwards you hold up your wand. Your lips form the word ‘depulso’ to knock him back, but the words ‘avada kedavra!’ come out of your mouth instead. With a great flash of green, Sebastian falls back on the ground and dissolves into a wriggling pile of thousands of earwigs. Realization of what you’ve just done hits you in the gut, and you’re screaming again - this time that muffled moan coming from your lips. The earwigs scatter, crawling over everything nearby. You look around for help, you need help, where the bloody hell are all of the professors? Where is Ominis?

“What have you done?!” Ominis screams, he’s there then kneeling in the pile of earwigs scooping them up by the handful as though he can put Sebastian together again. He’s screaming your name over and over again, the insects falling through his fingers into his lap. They’re crawling all over him and burrowing into his skin, and you’re still screaming. Tears roll down your cheeks as you’re frozen there unable to move. It feels like your feet are sinking into the ground. The swarm of earwigs on the ground begin to crawl to crawl towards you, and you fight to get away but your feet just sink deeper and deeper into the ground. 

***

You awoke with a loud gasp, sitting upright and looking around the darkness of your bedroom wildly. The shadows seemed to shift and grow under your gaze, your nightmare holding onto your sleep-addled mind tight. Your heart thudded painfully, your hand coming to your chest as though you could hold your heart in place. With every frantic, gasping breath that escaped your lips you returned to reality a little more. 

Reality was not much of a comfort. As the terror of your dream faded, that familiar gut-wrenching guilt settled in. The last you had heard Sebastian Sallow was still very much alive, although you couldn’t bear to think about the life he was living. Of the life you had deprived him of. Today was the fifth anniversary of Sebastian’s sentencing to Azkaban. Before you could spiral into that sickening feeling of dread, a light knock sounded on your bedroom door. 

“Yes?” You called out. The door creaked open and Ominis stepped into your room quietly. His wand put pulses of red light into your dark room as he navigated his way towards you. 

“Having nightmares again?” He asked in a soft voice. 

“Is it that obvious?” The worried look on his face made your heart twinge. Despite that, you found his presence comforting.

“I’m certain half of London knows.” Ominis sat on the edge of your bed and set his wand on your night table. Following your seventh year at Hogwarts you had found a flat in London, a few months later Ominis had come to live with you to be closer to work. 

“I’m tired of the dreams, Ominis. It is so awful waking up like this every night.” You rubbed at your eyes, your hands shifting up to run through your hair. You still felt as though you might be sick. 

“Was it about him?” There was only one “him” when it came to your conversations with Ominis. You hummed a confirmation, not trusting your ability to keep your dinner in your belly if you opened your mouth. You didn’t look at Ominis, you didn’t like to see the guilt on his face. Ominis always gracefully tiptoed around your regret, it was only fair you did the same for him. 

During Sebastian’s sentencing, you had only felt it was the right thing to do. He had gone too far, using dark magic and murdering a person. As the years went by, you questioned your choice to turn him in more and more. Sebastian had killed Solomon in self-defense. Surely that didn’t constitute a life sentence in Azkaban… 

“Stop that. You mustn’t spend all your time torturing yourself like this.” Ominis set his hand on your shoulder, his thumb lightly stroking across the soft linen sleeve of your nightgown.

“I see him every time I close my eyes. I feel his hands in mine. I hear his laughter. I’m a monster, Ominis.” Hot tears pricked at your eyes, slowly streaking down your cheeks. 

“You are not a monster. We… We did what we must.” Ominis insisted, although he sounded uncertain. It truly was self-defense. Solomon had attacked you both, and he was merely defending you. He was defending himself. As you spiraled into your thoughts, Ominis shifted closer to you and cupped your cheek in his hand. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. 

“I’m sorry, Ominis.” You sniffled, tears streaming down your cheeks now. He shushed you, holding you close. His hand caressed your hair, and he twisted enough to press a little kiss to your forehead. A symbol of affection he’d taken to using in your sixth year. You felt awful about the way his touch comforted you. His hands were warm and firm against you, like the rock you could cling to in a stormy sea. 

“I told you we would face this together. You needn’t hide your pain from me.” His voice was soft, emotional. It tugged at your heart.

“I know, Ominis. I know.” You sighed softly. A wave of exhaustion washed over you, the warmth of Ominis’ body and the comfort of his touch relaxing you. 

“You should rest. When the morning comes you will feel better.” He very tenderly helped you lie back with your head on the pillow, his thumb brushing over your cheek and an almost pained expression crossing his features. You knew he was in love with you. You’d known for a long time. He sometimes forgot that you could see his expressions, and he often showed his emotions quite openly without meaning to. It hurt to see him like that, to see him be so adoring of you when you could only think of another man. 

“Stay with me.” The words left your mouth before you could even think about what they might mean to him. What boundaries you might be shattering. Ominis’ jaw clenched for a moment, before he nodded. You scooted over in your bed, and he climbed in, laying in the spot beside you that was still warm from your body. In a bid to push your emotions away enough that they didn’t overwhelm you, you reached out and laid your hand on Ominis’ arm. Without another word, he pulled you in close and wrapped his arms around you and let you rest your head on his chest.

“Everything will be alright.” Ominis said in a soft voice, a hand coming up and brushing your cheek as though he was checking for tears. You draped an arm over his torso, nestling in closer. Despite the guilt coiling in your gut, you had to admit this was nice. He always smelled nice, and he was warm and comfortable. The way he held you in his strong arms made you feel so safe. You closed your eyes, trying to relax into sleep once more. You were overwhelmed with images of freckled arms around you and warm brown eyes. It was almost like you could hear the laughter in the air from your time spent with Sebastian. Your eyes snapped open, banishing the thoughts and bringing you back to the present where you lay with Ominis. 

His fingers lazily traced down your arm sending shivers all down your spine. His hand settled on your waist, tracing little circles. The warmth of his touch through your nightgown was intoxicating, especially since it had been so long since you’d allowed yourself to lay in the arms of a man. You’d taken lovers after Sebastian was imprisoned, most of them had remained nameless as you’d only laid with them for one night. You couldn’t even remember the name of the man you’d let take your virginity, all you could remember was that he had been a farm boy with shaggy brown hair and freckles - not that you’d been trying to fill a hole in your heart or anything. 

Ominis’ grip on you tightened slightly, and you wondered what he was thinking about. You shifted your position just enough that you could look up at his face to see if you could parse any of his thoughts from his expression. His brows were furrowed slightly, although the rest of his face was neutral. You considered his face, taking in every inch of it. He was very handsome, you’d never deny that. You wondered if you could ever love him the way he loved you. You had an immense amount of love for him, you trusted him with your life. He truly was your best friend and you’d never trade him for anything in the world. Yet… you didn’t know if you could ever love like that again. You’d been a child when you loved Sebastian, and yet he still held such a large part of your heart. 

“Ominis?” You murmured softly. His head tilted slightly towards you, a sign you held his attention. You lifted a hand laying it across his cheek and caressing his soft skin. The weight of your touch had him turning towards you even more. His breath lightly fanned over your skin, and your heart began to thud a little harder as his grip on you tightened further. Your head tilted, and in your moment of shame and vulnerability you kissed him. It was almost like he was in disbelief, before he leaned into your kiss. His lips were warm, soft, and his taste was admittedly enticing. 

When a soft whine escaped his throat, it went straight to your core. His hand slid into your hair, gripping gently as you pushed yourself up so you were over him. Ominis’ lips parted, and your tongues met in a slow, thorough kiss. The only sounds in the room were your heavy breaths mingling together as your kiss became more and more heated. You’d never experienced such pleasure from something so simple as kissing before, but the passion behind every move he made had you completely breathless. You pulled away, stunned at your own actions.

Before either of you could speak, your lips met again hard and frantic. You found the hem of Ominis’ nightshirt and you pulled away long enough to yank it off of him. He leaned up, nipping your bottom lip and flicking it with his tongue as he pulled you up on top of him. Straddling his waist, you held his face and leaned in chasing that desperate kiss once again. His hands ran up your thighs, squeezing lightly as he moaned openly into your kiss. He was so vocal, something you hadn’t expected, but it was very attractive. 

You leaned down over him, taking your sweet time tasting him. He squeezed your thighs and pushed up under your nightgown, groping at your hips and pulling you down as he grinds up against you. A soft gasp escapes your lips, your hand sliding down to his neck. Your fingers lightly brush down the smooth column. You force the guilt out of your mind, concentrating on how this feels. It feels good. You push down all thoughts of Sebastian into a tiny little box in the back of your mind. Ominis pauses, pulling back to catch his breath. 

“Is this… Do you really want this?” He asks, his voice carries a plea. You know he wants it, you can feel how hard he is between your legs, you know how much he loves you. You also know that he respects you enough that if you said no, he’d leave it no matter how much it hurt him. You’d crossed this line in your friendship, there was no going back now. You’d made your bed, it was time to lie in it. And you would, so that you didn’t hurt him. Your desire and need for him to touch you overwrote any semblance of sense you had in your head. Yet, would it be the worst thing in the world to sleep with your best friend? The brother-in-bond to your first love?

“I want this. I want you.” You breathed out, your forehead resting against his. Ominis caught the hem of your nightgown and began to lift it. You helped him guide it over your head as you straightened up, throwing the garment onto the floor leaving you bare. He cursed softly, letting out a gentle moan as his hands roamed over your body like he was mapping every curve and line. His soft touch sent chills down your spine, your nipples standing at attention as he cupped the underside of your breasts and the pads of his thumbs swiping over your sensitive flesh. Your breath hitched as he gently rolled your nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, giving them a little tug and prompting a little whimper from you at the slight pain overshadowed by pleasure. 

You ran your hands down the lengths of his arms, down onto his chest and you reached down between your legs to where his cock strained against his sleep pants. Ominis pinched your nipples again as your palm ran down the length of his bulge, his back arching slightly as he groaned. He touched all along your torso, tracing your waist and hips as his fingers came to rest on the tops of your thighs. One hand gripped you tight, and the other was rather loose as his thumb came down to brush experimental circles over your already sensitive clit. 

“You’re dripping, darling.” Ominis murmured, his thumb swiping through your folds as you let out sweet, little sounds. You gripped the shaft of his cock through his pants, very slowly stroking him. He resumed rubbing circles over your clit, sending little sparks of pleasure through your body. Your hips tilted under his touch, shifting forward so he was pressing against you more firmly. He obliged your silent request, rubbing you harder and faster. With his free hand he found your breast, kneading it and teasing your nipple between his fingers. Your legs spread further, your soaking heat pressing against his bulge. It was instinct to grind on him, to coax those groans and soft curses from his lips. You looked down, watching as he rubbed at your clit and you soaked through his pants from your arousal. While it felt nice, you felt so empty. 

“Please, I can’t wait any more.” You whined out, pressing down against him hard to drive your point home. His thumb stilled on your clit, moving away carefully. The lack of attention was agonizing. 

“Well we can’t have that now, can we.” He said, his voice huskier than usual. He gripped onto your hips and pushed you up far enough that he could rid himself of the confines of his sleep pants. You watched him, your eyes widening as his cock sprang forward and slapped down against his belly. You didn’t know what you expected, but it wasn’t that. You’d never seen one quite so… perfect. You reached down, wrapping your fingers around him and teasing at his length. Ominis groaned, gripping onto your hips. You bit down on your bottom lip, angling his cock to line up with your slit. You slowly sank down until he was fully sheathed inside you. He gave a wordless groan, his head leaning back against the pillow as he squeezed you a little tighter. 

You braced your palms against his chest, shifting slowly with a gasp. The way he filled you and stretched you was delicious. Slow movements let your body adjust to his impressive length, little mewls escaping your lips as the repetitive motions built up a delightful pleasure in your core. You watched his face as your hips lifted and fell, thrusting down onto his cock. His pale cheeks were delightfully pink in the dim lighting of your bedroom, and his mouth was agape as he moaned without restraint. His hands guided you up and down, tugging you down harder and harder every time encouraging you to grind on him.

It was slow and sensual, the way you were fucking him. In that precise moment, his pleasure meant little to you, you could only concentrate on your own. It just felt so damn good the way he had you feeling so full. The way your clit was grinding against him and you rode his perfect cock had you on cloud nine. Your hands roamed your own body, teasing up your waist and up onto your breasts as you moaned and whined atop him. Your hips rutted against him desperately as that white hot feeling of your orgasm budded in your core. Your toes curled, your body tensing as your eyes squeezed shut letting that feeling of bliss take over you.

“Yes, that’s it. Come on my cock.” Ominis pulled your hips down roughly as he thrust up into you hard. Over and over again he pounded up into your soaked heat, his thumb pressing to your clit again as he teased it with little circles. With a ragged cry, he drove you over the edge into an intense climax. Your back arched and your head fell back as you rode out that explosion of pure ecstasy that had your walls pulsing around him. Ominis didn’t relent for a second, letting you writhe and moan sinfully over him. 

As the intensity of your orgasm began to fade, Ominis sat up. He captured your mouth in a heated kiss, wasting no time meeting your tongue with his own. His arms guided your legs to wrap around his waist, before wrapping around you and holding you close. His hands roamed the expanse of your back, his nails lightly dragging over your skin. You were shocked by the sudden romance and passion, but you let it happen. Ominis’ touch was tender and soft, like he was committing every inch of you to memory. You were stricken wordless, tasting him and taking the moment to collect yourself. 

Your sensitive cunt didn’t have long to recover, as Ominis shifted and carefully laid you on your back. Lowering over you, his hips shifted until he was almost completely withdrawn from you. You whined in protest at the sudden feeling of emptiness, which quickly turned into a loud cry as he slammed back into you without restraint. Your arms wrapped around him, and you held on as he thrust into you deep and hard. Praises streamed from his lips between moans. He murmured softly about how good you felt, how you were taking him so well, how you were such a beautiful and perfect woman. Your nails dug into his back as you moaned shamelessly, the two of you loud enough you were certain your neighbours would hear. 

Ominis drove into you relentlessly, his balls slapping against your skin. He held you in place, lifting your hips to angle them so he could get even deeper. The way his cock hit that sweet spot inside of you had your eyes rolling back. You couldn’t string a sentence together, the entire world had disappeared apart from you, Ominis, and the way he was making you feel. Still oversensitive, it didn’t take long before your walls were clenching around Ominis in a second orgasm. His head fell to your shoulder, moaning in your ear and tickling your skin with every exhale. You trembled beneath him, your eyes shut tight as you vocalized your pleasure and held onto him tightly. 

His thrusts got sloppier, he still fucked into you fast and hard but his rhythm faltered. With his head on your shoulder, he bit down on your neck muffling a loud moan as he came. He filled you, coating your walls with his seed. Ominis slumped atop of you as you both breathed heavily. You could feel his heart pounding through his chest, the rapid pace matching your own. He pressed tender kisses to your neck, his nose nudging your skin gently. After a moment, he pulled out of you and lay down beside you on his back. 

The action seemed to pull you out of your haze of pleasure, and you found yourself staring at the ceiling as you tried to process what had just happened. You’d slept with him. With Ominis. While Sebastian rotted away in prison. He’d given you his heart, and here you were in bed with his best friend. 

“Are you alright?” Ominis asked in a gentle voice as his fingers brushed against the skin of your arm. He sounded so happy. 

“More than alright.” You lied, shifting closer to him to rest your head against his chest. It was so right, but it was so wrong. He kissed your forehead tenderly, his arms wrapping around you to hold you close. Slowly, his breath evened out. You watched him fall asleep, so peaceful and calm, while your heart was eating you alive. 

For a long time you stared out into the darkness, just listening to Ominis as he snored softly next to you. What now? What the hell were you supposed to do? You couldn’t wait forever for Sebastian, because he wasn’t coming. You looked at Ominis, watching him sleep for a moment. He was a good man. He would treat you right. Maybe one day you could love him the way he loved you. You clenched your jaw, nestling into his side and closing your eyes as fatigue overwhelmed you. As you drifted off into an uneasy sleep, you felt Ominis squeeze you gently and tug you in as close as possible.

***

The early morning sun was streaming into your room as you awoke to a persistent tapping on the window. You opened an eye, spotting a tawny owl clutching an envelope as it perched on your window sill. You stood up, glancing over at Ominis who still slept soundly looking handsome as ever with his tousled hair and his peaceful expression. You smiled slightly, It had been three months now since you’d become lovers, and he had been courting you so sweetly. A glittering engagement ring sat upon your hand, and every day you drew nearer your wedding date. Wrapping a housecoat around your body, you opened the window to take the envelope from the owl. You stroked the animal’s feathery head, before it turned and spread its wings flying away. 

You opened the blank envelope, pulling out the piece of parchment and unfolding it. Your heart dropped as you recognized the lovely scrawl of Sebastian Sallow.

My Dearest,

Though I haven’t heard from you since my sentencing, you have not left my thoughts a single moment. I dream of your smile, of the sound of your laugh. I lament the time I have missed.

I do not hate you for turning me in. Not when this has turned my life around. I befriended an auror fellow, I think you’d quite like him. He was colleagues with my Uncle. He listened to my tale, and suggested a retrial. 

My trial was a success. With my good behaviour during my time imprisoned, my undeniable charm and wit, and an auror on my side - I’m to be released later this month. 

Your eyes went blurry, unable to read the rest of his letter. Emotions overwhelmed you, and you looked over at Ominis where he slept peacefully. Nausea overwhelmed you, such a horrible pressure in your chest made you feel as though the world was collapsing around you. You felt breathless, struggling to breathe. Sebastian was being released? Sebastian was being released and he still cared for you? You’d given yourself to Ominis. You’d allowed yourself to try and care for him in a romantic way. He was going to be a good husband to you. Yet now, the man you were once quite convinced was your soulmate was coming home? 

You covered your mouth, trying to stay silent so you didn’t wake up Ominis. You shook your head, tears pricking in your eyes. What have you done?

[reverie-starlight]

hi love! get to this whenever you can but, i have a request (after like a year since my last one lmao-)

just anything with atsumu with a socially awkward/anxious reader, please you have complete creative control darling <33

OKAY!!! I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG MY DEAR!!!!! BUT I'VE HAD A HUGE BLOCK LATELY AND AFTER A COUPLE PIECES I CAN FINALLY WORK ON THIS WITH A CLEAR HEAD !!!!! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS RAMBLE!!!!

{atsumu with a socially anxious s/o HCs}

posting this as my first fic of the year woohoo!!!!! starting the year off right with the light of my life <3

gn!reader, fluff, mentions of panic attacks but no descriptions except for how he calms you down. mentions of drinking/getting drunk in passing (it's timeskip atsumu, everyone is legal)

(also I did osamu with a socially anxious partner a while ago if you're looking for something a bit more longform)

this ask is literally me btw. so I decided to lean more into the socially anxious part of the ask, hope that's okay!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so first of all, he would be the most supportive ever

and theeeeee mossssttttt reassuring

he never forces you out of your comfort zone, but he definitely encourages you out of it.

as in, he'll encourage you to order your own food at a restaurant or café if you've been having a good day, but has no issues going back for you if they get it wrong

he'll carry conversations with new people, but he'll make the effort to include you in them and make sure you say a few things as well

he does his best to help you without feeling overbearing

he's loved watching you come out of your shell since the day he met you, and he gets so happy when other people get to see a side of you that you would normally only show him and your friends or family

in general, atsumu may be written off as the louder, more chaotic twin, but let's not forget that he's incredibly observant (maybe even more than osamu)

I HC that he's more in tune with his emotions and recognizes/is able to read them easily in others as well, so he's really great at figuring out what you need in any given situation

for example when he convinces you to go to a party with him (after promising that he wouldn't leave you alone for even a second), you might be hiding your anxiety well from anyone you're attempting to talk to, but he sees the way you're not holding eye contact

he notices that you keep looking around the room every so often, and he absolutely makes note of the way you're struggling to find something to do with your hands

so he ever so subtly pulls you closer and starts playing with one of your hands to ease your mind a bit

he won't pull you out of the conversation or join in unless he knows you really need him to, he knows you've got this <3

if you want to drink, he'll keep an eye out for you even more intensely

he knows you getting drunk might trigger a panic attack the next day if you start worrying about how you may have acted around a ton of strangers

he doesn't want to stop you from having fun, but doesn't want you to suffer the next day, either, so he'll keep you from drinking too much and have some water on hand

(if you do end up getting drunk anyway, he'll either A: hype you up and remind you the next day that no one is gonna fault a drunk person for acting out of character, or B: act even more drunk to keep attention off of you)

speaking of panic attacks, atsumu is a master at giving you exactly what you need

space? you got it

need to be touching him to feel grounded in a public area? he's got a strong grip on your hand

want him near but not too close? no problem, he's just on the other side of the couch if you need anything else

and gives the best "aftercare" (for lack of a better word) you could imagine

he knows how all around exhausting panic attacks are so when it passes, he'll get you water and rub your back comfortingly

if you want to sleep, he'll be your pillow

if you want reassurance, he'll gladly speak softly in your ear about how much he loves you and appreciates you

when you go to his games, he'll always try to keep an eye on you from the court in between sets and during time-outs

he'll give you a reassuring grin and a wink

if you prefer not to cheer from the stands, he doesn't get discouraged bc literally you just being there, in an overly crowded stadium with cameras and screaming all bc you insisted on supporting him is the biggest confidence boost ever

(and it's not like he ever particularly loved cheering anyway)

he will hype you up in the mornings before you leave for work and have to face the world

will text you during the day to check-in and get a read on how your day is going, just so he knows if he needs to get anything on the way home to cheer you up

and depending on if your social anxiety is on the more severe side or even if you're just having a harder time with it than usual, he's more than fine with indoor/stay-in date nights!!

like I said before, he pushes you out of your comfort zone, but he knows when to stop and accommodate. he never wants to distress you or push you past your limit.

but don't expect these dates to be a simple movie night, oh no

he will go above and beyond with decorating your living room to fit the designated theme of the night (either one you planned ahead of time, or something quick to fit the vibe of wherever you were going to go before the anxiety hit)

he will get dressed up and ask you to dress up, too, even though you're just in the comfort of your own home

expect some take-out and dessert presented to you on the fancy dinner plates you keep in your cupboard and a candlelit meal

he'll set up a designated "photo booth" in one corner of the room and hypes you up as a photographer

insists on taking couples photos and gets you to act super silly with him to get you out of your own head a bit

"c'mon babe! I can't be the only one makin' a fool out of myself here, help me out! the pictures will look great, promise. ya couldn't look bad even if ya tried."

he understands that you might feel insecure about not being able to have a "normal" date night, or might even feel like you're a burden but he does NOT want you to think that way at all

so he goes overboard and puts all the effort in because at the end of the day, he just loves you and wants to spend time with you however he can

he's so proud of the progress you've made and can't wait to see how much further you go. he believes in you and reminds you of it every single day <3

[nikki-tine]

So it's come to my attention that despite the page I have set up within the desktop version of my blog, I don't have a mobile version of an introduction post here. Oops! This one's newly written, too, in a different format than the other.

So, that being said - Hello!

I am Nikki/Niko (Whichever you prefer!) and I am a 28-year old Genderfluid artist person (My birthday is on January 9th!). I don't think there's too much to be said here, but I can and will say with confidence that this blog has been, especially in the last few or so years built up to be a catch-all for whatever I deem good to reblog or post (All of which typically related to fluff stuff, feel-good vibes or something that I may feel strongly about).

This place is, and always will be a safe space for a) People with disabilities (I am autistic, have ADD and Bipolar as well as Anxiety) and b) LGBTQ+-identifying people (I am, as mentioned before Genderfluid, and I'm Pansexual Panromantic!).

If a reblog or post makes you uncomfortable, then I will happily delete it if asked.

I make it a point to keep these posts SFW especially nowadays - however, I can't quite vouch for possibly the oldest of my posts (as I've been here since the early 2010s along with some ol' dumb teen thoughts involved and it'd take forever to sort absolutely everything out from over a decade ago at this point). I'm pretty sure that I've removed most of the NSFW stuff already from those years ago, but if I missed something then I don't mind deleting it as long as you let me know first (I'm incredibly disorganized and would appreciate a nudge in the right direction).

With these details out of the way - I am an artist that dabbles in various fandoms with no real sense of rhyme or reason outside of either hyperfixated interest or otherwise with the intent to update old ideas and refresh them into new ones. Like most artists on the internet, I ask that you do not repost without credit, trace and/or copy my work. I'm quite literally living paycheck by paycheck with my family right now. You CAN however use my artwork as a reference or as inspiration for your own work - If you do, lemme know! I'd love to see the result!

Here's a vague list of fandoms I dabble in (though my post history doesn't quite show that as I tend to leave most of my stuff to posting on Discord instead):

Pokemon (I've been a part of this one almost my entire life lol)

Sonic the Hedgehog (Another fandom I've been in for a grand majority of my life! I'm more of a casual fan as I haven't made much art recently, but I still absolutely love looking at what others come up with for OCs and stuff.)

Undertale (ESPECIALLY AU-centric)

Digimon (Passionate about this one specifically - I have a project I've been working with under this fandom since 2014 on and off)

Cookie Run (Kingdom primarily with a minor Ovenbreak focus for AU concept ideas)

Dark Cloud/Dark Chronicle (This one's SO obscure, but if you know these games then I give you a virtual baked good of your liking! These two games hold a very special place in my heart.)

Dance Dance Revolution, NotITG, Friday Night Funkin (I'm a rhythm game nerd and love the creativity of the communities surrounding these three - I just haven't been able to piece together anything for it yet visually except for FNF stuff on and off)

A Dance of Fire and Ice (Same as the DDR fandom part, but I've made a couple fanart pieces before so this one I may have an easier time of conceptualizing later)

FNAF (Specifically Security Breach AU work! This one's not as frequent as others but I still have stuff in mind for it. Security Breach is how I finally caved with the FNAF series as a whole after watching how the fandom grew over the years.)

Warriors (Warrior Cats, in our year 2024? Eeyup. I just like the funny spiritual witties!)

Team Fortress 2 (This one's in and out but it's one that I come back to a lot as my boyfriend, regularly interacting and involved in the GMOD animation community reminds me of my own TF2 stuff with his presence alone lol. Love you James! &lt;3)

Persona 3, 4 and 5 (This one's a lil self-explanatory but I have AU ideas surrounding these games that I want to make more art for eventually)

If I have anything else not listed before, I'll add it to the list. C: Please keep in mind that although I dabble in these fandoms, AU versions of existing characters may be changed in terms of sexuality, personality etc to reflect the AU they are from (For example, I have a version of Cream Unicorn Cookie that uses he/they pronouns, and my Redeemed!Pomegranate Cookie from the same AU leans bisexual over lesbian for reasons relating to reflection of character and overall character development. I like to make characters more flexible while self-indulging, so keep this in mind). I note this because my own headcanons about certain characters have set off one or two people in the past unintentionally and they VERY much have pushed things in an effort to keep canon down my throat out of retaliation. Let's just say that this part in particular is a thing that taps a sore spot for me for personal reasons. :/

When it concerns making art of my characters - surprise or not, feel free to make art of them and mention me in post (and/or message me, either way works)! It makes me feel SO loved when I get art from others, and I appreciate every piece dearly. 💜💜💜 (I go so far as to hold onto an archive of art that was done for me - with artist names in-tact within the file name nowadays!)

A few things to consider when it concerns tickling-related matters with me:

MINORS - PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH MY TICKLING CONTENT. Long overdue to add this one (as of 12/28/24) but I’m updating this now as I’m worried and anxious, and I want to be safe rather than sorry.

I am a Switch! I'm unsure how far Ler or Lee I am just yet, but I do enjoy tickling both ways. Unfortunately, however, I'm the kind of person that practically flies across a room when poked,, (if it comes down to tickling my sona - Niko Spirata - tie or hold 'em down if you want to wreck 'em with tickles lol)

My interest in tickling alone is purely SFW - It feels too weird looking at IRL photos/videos with very rare exception (a lot of the exception is the giggle the lee produces from ticklish contact). As a result, all the stuff I'll be reblogging and posting here is art or animation-related instead!

My favorite tickle trope is the one where a shrunken someone or a small something wiggles under the unwitting lee's clothing to tickle them! (Points at wormonastriing's Squirmles as an example of this trope :3) No, seriously. If I end up with art of any of my characters getting destroyed with tickles in this manner I will ASCEND BEYOND GALAXIES.

My favorite spots with tickling overall are belly, side and rib tickling - on rarer occasions, I enjoy tickling in other places (I prefer foot tickling if the lee has paws instead of normal feet!). This lines up with a particular enjoyment of characters being slightly chubby! I looove a good squeeze of the sides or belly, enough to get the lee blurting out giggles.

I have only a few tags I use now on a regular, but these are:

#nikki-tine (This is my user tag and I put it in with my art posts and other things I post sometimes. You may also see others' posts under this tag, primarily with stuff related to asks or when art's been posted for me in the past &lt;3)

#art, #tickle art, #tickling art (These are self-explanatory!)

#NJEGNJ (Something to that effect, lol. It's not exact but keyboard smash tag is typically wrote similarly or around the same for several posts, all of which ones that got me chuckling or giggling like a dork!)

~

My Commission Status is currently set to OPEN (paypal prioritized for now).

It's really complicated, however, and I don't have any other methods than Paypal and Robux right now so if you have questions about that then feel free to message me and I'll try to clear it up as best I can!

I only have two prices, both fully colored and shaded.

Chibies are $25 USD (+ 5 for an extra character)

My normal art style is $50 USD (+ 10 for an extra character)

I do best leaving the BG transparent, but if I HAVE to work on one then I can do nature-themed backgrounds pretty okay. It’s not a strong-suit of mine, however…

My Art Trade Status is Busted Wide Open™ to Mutuals, but I'm a little picky and choosy with random people.

If I decline an Art Trade, please don't take it personally!

In terms of Roleplay, It's Closed on-blog, BUT I'm Open to Roleplay in Discord servers (Provided there's a Tupperbot there for me to use).

I've been looking to find an RP server that has mutuals/friends and allows Undertale-related stuff (especially of the tickling-related kind!), so if you're a part of one please let me know!

DM Status overall is Open (As long as you are kind to me, I will return kindness back!).

My Asks are ALWAYS OPEN! I really like getting stuff in my inbox (and I unfortunately don't get asks often at all).

I'm most comfortable interacting with other adults and SFW blogs (this is more-so for safety than anything else on my end. I don't have the emotional or mental energy to handle potential drama involving context-disconnected words). I don't mind interacting with NSFW blogs here but only if in the context of specific interests of mine and not much else.

I don't really have much in the way of who can't interact with me as long as you are respectful/mindful of chat etiquette and are aware of the kind of impact you may make in messaging people like myself.

I do my best to look at blog descriptions and respect DNI's - If I end up poking at something I shouldn't by accident, as long as it's not met with aggression in DMs, I will happily fix whatever problem you may have related to that. I HATE making others uncomfortable/upset!

If you have questions, feel free to ask! I don't really use other forms of Social Media, but I do use some websites with a social aspect to them casually.

Links:

Flightrising (Funny dragon site)

Chicken Smoothie (This one's a fun lil adopt site from the late 2000s)

GPX Plus (This is literally Pokefarm Q before Pokefarm Q lol)

Gaia Online (Another old site with unfortunate currency inflation, but it's the site that's kept me going with character designing and such over the years! The blog part here is old, but the avatar is updated from time to time. This site is the reason I lean on Monochrome + a color as an aesthetic a lot lol)

Bluesky (mostly inactive - want activity there? nudge me here!)

DeviantArt (It's VERY rare I post here now. Also a warning for those under 18 - there's suggestive and nsfw art in my favorites dotted here and there so look with caution. my gallery itself is SFW however and all the works that would have been nsfw are archived.)

Artfight (Self-explanatory!)

[youunravelme]

hey everyone! don't worry, this is not a post about me going on hiatus (even though i haven't published any writing since october lol) it's more of an apology for taking so long to write literally anything as well as a HUGE thank you for all of you continuing to engage with my fics, send asks, and requesting things!

it's not going unnoticed!!! (especially everyone who has sent in a request that i haven't filled and even those lovely souls who are still waiting for me to finish my 1000 follower celebration drabbles). i appreciate you all SO much, i can't even find the words to properly articulate my thankfulness.

so i'll just give you some small updates as well as an explanation as to where my head is currently:

i am slowly chugging along at this mat fwb fic, and i'm really excited for you all to read it, it's just a monster of a fic. i might end up breaking it up into smaller parts (maybe like 3?) if i think it'll be too long to consume. but ideally, i'd like to finish it first and make that decision later just in case i do end up making a small series, that way, i'm not stringing y'all along for two series that are unfinished and you're waiting months for updates (sorry about that).

as far as tatgylb goes, i wrote a little bit of part 7 but i haven't gone back to it yet since i'm trying to finish the aforementioned mat fic. but i do have the rest of the series planned out. part seven will be the finale of sorts, part 8 will be the epilogue, and i'll probably write some spinoff one shots some time in the future.

i have SO many things in my drafts at the moment, mostly unanswered requests, an angsty tito fic that i've been teasing for months (again, my b), the infamous cornelia street fic that i've written maybe three paragraphs for?

my job, though i love it, can be incredibly exhausting at the end of the day, so that's part of the reason i haven't written as much. but i just wanted to come on here and say i love and appreciate all of you! every ask, comment, like, reblog, makes my day!

thank you thank you thank you!

[missielynne]

I just wanted to thank you and your anon for criticizing how terribly Flower is written. I'd have expected people on here to yell at you for "slut shaming" , but it's not that ----you guys are just pointing out that sleeping with a million people and doing drugs in cults is her WHOLE personality! I've been rewatching season 1 and actually love Flower's Article---but that's pretty much the last time we saw any different aspects of Flower's personality, real emotion, or any type of remorse and growth. There was also that one episode where we learned she actually likes basketball, but the show never mentioned her liking anything other than drugs and sex again. So basically her arc ended in S1, and three seasons later there's basically no point in having her around. I'd love if an interesting female guest died and took Flower's place. Not that Woodstone Manor has many guests :)

I also groaned when I saw Bela's appearing again in the next episode ---didn't we JUST see her?! A little of Bela goes a loooong way, and there are so many other characters I'd rather see instead!

Your other post now has me fantasizing about Jay and Sam ditching the B&B that isn't doing well anyway to start a detective agency---it would be SO fun to watch that and would give the show so many interesting storylines! I'm writing that as a fic :)

Three questions for you if you feel like answering:

What do you think/hope is going on with the Alberta is not actually named Alberta thing?

Is it just me, or has Sas been in fewer episodes this season than any other ghost? I love him and am so worried that they're phasing him out

Which of these characters do you least want to see more of: Elias, Stephanie, Carol, Bela, Jenkins, Baxter. (I'd be fine never seeing any of them again and focusing on our other beloved characters, but that's just me!)

Thanks for always being up for Ghosts asks---talking about the show is as fun as watching it!

Gosh there is so much about Flower that they could do that's non-relationship (Rob, basketball, more about her fiance, and why she wanted to be a lawyer...and that's just off the top of my head!) and if we're lucky, something is gonna come, but whether it's enough to give her actual depth and personality, who knows?

I would LOVE a show where Sam and Jay (or just someone in general) solves ghost crimes. That would be awesome!

I always feel like answering Ghosts asks as long as people want to send them my way! I think it's fun. :)

So...to your questions:

I mean I think it could either be something simple as Alberta is a stage name, or it could be nothing and she said it for attention and to just seem mysterious even if there's no mystery at all...OR they could do something like in Some Like It Hot where she witnesses a crime and has to change her name and go into hiding. And if they went that route, it would be easy to make it something mob-related, you know? An incident with one of her mobster boyfriends gone wrong and they think she could snitch so she has to make a run for it. I want it to be something deeper but I can also see them be like "Just kidding!" Or since she was a singer, a stage name especially if she wants to have a better chance at bringing herself up in the world as an entertainer is also plausible.

2. I honestly wouldn't worry about Sass. We don't know how he even died yet, and even once we do know I doubt that they'll just get rid of him. I mean as we mentioned with Flower earlier, we already know how she died, her story is repetitious by now, and she's still around!

And with Sass, we have *no* idea how he died, he has very entertaining relationships with the other ghosts (More rumors from him and Hetty please) and even though his power hasn't been put to the most selfless or interesting use yet, I think it has too much potential to not be useful plotwise, you know? So he might not have been around much yet, but I think he has too much future potential to be phased out now. We just have to get to his stories or to plots where he will shine and it has to be coming.

3. I think the other shed ghosts who aren't Nigel and Carol are the ones I could live without (although I think Carol at least deserves an actual on screen send off before she goes on her way.)

I mean I suppose Steph could also go because like Flower, I think the whole "mean girl" thing she's got going on makes her sort of one-note as well (even if it's a more entertaining note than Flower's) but based on how she died, I at least want to know what's keeping her here, unlike the other three where I could just be fine without knowing.

[netherfeildren]

I've noticed you're also from the Reylo fandom 👀 and I know this question doesn't have anything to do with Pedro or Joel but, do you have any Reylo fic recommendations?

hell yeah I do. something u all must know about me and that which may come as a surprise given how much of a Joel girl I am is that ben solo is my character of all time! OF. ALL .TIME. like I love Joel that's my old man but I AM ben solo if ben solo were a teenage girl in her 20s ok ok ok

fic recs below !!!!! (there's a lot sorry)

starting off easy with like the most famous reylo author of all time diasterisms now our very own published author everything she's ever written but especially and specifically sword of the Jedi duology like young gods and to kingdom come like actually forreal some of the greatest Star Wars canonverse ever written but also of course landscape with a blur of conquerors which has now been taken down but which you can NOW BUY AS A NOVEL the hurricane wars !!!! but if you ever read the fic you know it was one of the greatest to ever live truly. I also love the heart break prince which is her Harry Potter star wars mashup like truly just some great stuff

go I know not whither and fetch I know not what by voicedimplosives like also another uber famous one bc if you're a reylo then you undoubtedly know the significance of the red Adidas track suit and THE YEAR IS 1994 THE IRON CURTAIN HAS COME DOWN

a manner of virtue by neonheartbeat one of my most favorite a/b/o's and like a Tarzan mashup but also this author is wonderful and spectacular and has such immense range I'd check everything of theirs out

kohelet 3:16 (call me a cab) by LinearA indescribably beautiful and real and remarkable. it has a stairwell sex scene that still years later I thin of often

the island effect by anonymous - dark fic mind the tags. unfinished. one of the greatest things I've ever read just like idk the exploration of desire/ gender politics/ dystopia, a must read even though the last two chapters were never posted

can't turn off what turns me on by audreyii_fic another very fun very steamy a/b/o if that's your thing. rey and ben lend themselves so well to the whole a/b/o trope in a way that I've not found many other ships do as well

literally everything by somethingdifferent but most especially (won't you let me) walk you home from school also sugar pill goddamn 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 it's been years since I read it and I still think of it often - mind the tags

secretreylotrash has a truly impressive body of work, so many of their pieces are so so good - I've not read everything but definitely one to check out

vuas another very impressive body of work - dark fic abounds, mind the tags but truly very gorgeous gorgeous writing

my heart belongs by tendereye and also everything else they've ever written - mind the tags !

ElegyGoldsmith writes some pretty dark stuff but fucking phenomenal work too, mind the tags

cream by animal. like ok it sounds crazy but genuinely one of the most gorgeous fics ever written and I'm saying that with my whole chest

kalx58 gorgeous body of work again, everything of theirs is phenomenal

ohwise1ne everything everything all of it spectacular

PoetHrotsvitha there are no words actually read all of it

mzladybird do yourself a favor and read the lot of it even the non reylo fandoms it's all art

ok that's it for now and sorry I took so long to respond and also that this is so long but now you all can bear witness to the fact that I am indeed an avid fic reader!

and posting this on the perfect day bc hbd to kylo ren himself THE BIG 4-0 DADDY

[our-transgender-experiences]

Hi Alex. Is it ok to vent a little bit a lot? It's completely fine if you don't post any response, I completely understand. This is a HUGE experience prompt to respond to.

I was birthed with the male sex (he/him) so you can call me that.

Over the past year and two months, I've been feeling just a little off. I keep a journal, and have since before that moment, so I have my experience written down carefully. In short form, I don't know who I am. In a longer form, I'm a weird, cringey high schooler who doesn't know who they are, who wears a galaxy backpack to school, who is agnostic (Christian, but can't prove it right or wrong), aromantic, and asexual. My experience isn't special by any means, in fact, I think I fit literally every queer stereotype known to mankind? Here's the best part: I live in Oklahoma, the famous place of Nex Benedict's horrific death.

About a month ago, I saw "Celeste" in a YouTube video about some of the hardest, but most enjoyable, games of all time. I looked it over, it's on sale for $5, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford that. So I got it and finished it within 3 days. I instantly recommended it to my brother, who also happens to be a little queer. He loved it too, but I STILL didn't know the backstory behind that game. Then, I saw the video. It was an amazing reading of Celeste, down to every minor detail of the game. One thing that stood out, was the fact that the both the creator, and the protagonist, were trans women. Even better: it was known for being a wonderful story of the trans experience, and I RELATED TO IT. EVEN BETTER: I had now recommended it to practically my entire friend group, including some incredibly religious people. So what was I gonna do about it? Not care, and continue onto the B-sides.

I want to say 5 days ago was when it really kicked in that "wait a minute, I related to Madeline in a very deep way, and she's a trans..." Now this is the climax, get ready. Because I had been journaling for so long, I had already written about my experience since those early days where I had that so-called dysphoria. And after I realized that could be because I'm trans, I immediately asked my parents what my girl names were before I was born. (doctors didn't know my sex until about two weeks before I was due) "Eden" is a pretty cool name, I guess I'll try it. I walk into my dad's office (works from home) that same day after school, and he immediately turns to me and asks: "So why did you need to know your girl names?" I immediately respond with "... idk?" Very convincing, well done. I text him after I flee to my room, "I'm experimenting, don't take that too seriously" He understands, and I'm at peace. Mom also takes it well, and we're good to actually begin the experiments I was "planning".

First up, change the online bios, like Discord. See how it actually looks on me. AAAAND my best friend sees it within a few hours. Not even prompted, we were talking, playing rocket league, and he just "hey why's your bio say you're experimenting with 'Eden' as your new name?" Explained, but he was in a weird spot. "I'm happy and will support you with whatever you **choose**." Key word there, I'm not choosing anything. I'm actually going with the flow so much more than he could imagine. But okay, we've got a pretty good ally on our side! Going great.

Except here comes "Part of Me" with the anxiety of what could happen, why I shouldn't do anything different around peers, and more importantly why I shouldn't experiment with myself. And to be honest, I believe that part of me. There's so many questions that I ask like "but what if it's all for attention?" or "but you always acted like a boy, why are you changing now? or "maybe the other Christians were right. you are a sinner after all, you're a bad person and you DO deserve to die." You know those.

And with those come the questioning part of it. Am I ACTUALLY just doing what I'm doing for attention? Like I said, I'm a high schooler. I'm a future aerospace engineer for SpaceX, I love computers, and I have top 1% test scores as a sophomore. I'm doing good with school, but that's exactly why I basically have one friend who is also up there with me. I'm not here to brag, I'm here to show that I don't get a lot of attention at school, it's basically all family members who care about me. So again, am I just trying this for attention? I don't think so, but that seems like what my brain would want me to say.

And to be honest, I needed this. I vent every day, but to nobody except Google advertisement algorithms out of Google Docs (my journal). I vent and cry into empty space, but maybe this is finally not just to my phone. This is to another human who I think has had a close experience to mine.

And of course I'm not going to ask you "who am I, who do I like, and what's my gender?" But I am going to ask you one thing: What's your take? I mean this is the trans experiences blog, but I'm not sure if I am a trans. I figured this was the best place to get a good use out of my time. Thank you so much for letting people like me do this, it seriously means a lot.

i'm glad that you feel that this is a space where you can comfortably talk about your experience, and question your gender. My advice, is to keep experimenting,and see where it takes you find out what you're comfortable with, it might take time, and it might change. It took me a while to get to where i am now, and even now i'm not 100% sure. i tried different labels that felt right at the time, but they changed later, and thats okay.

[lildevyl]

Update on Tommy Innit's Secret Clinic

Hey Guys, Gals, Demons, Ghouls and Multi-Fandom Fiends! Yeah, it's been a long ass time since I've posted, and I do apologize for that. I'm not going to make excuses here, but what it all boils down to is a whole lot of IRL Drama that is Days of Our Lives/As the World Turns Soap Opera-worthy! But that is for a r/TrueOffMyChest Reddit Post with everything that's been happening!

So, let me get to the point before this becomes another 20 20-page front-and-back essay that I'm infamous for! /s

I know it's been Several Months/Over a Year since I updated Tommy Innit's Secret Clinic. I have been writing on and off when I get the time, but many times, I'm just staring at a blank screen and blinking cursor. Then I try writing something else, and the Creative Writing Juices start to flow, I start to write again. But then I never post the pieces or the pieces just remain "Pieces."

The thing of it is, I know when I post this/write this, Yes I WILL admit that I am a MASSIVE HYPOCRITE here! You don't need to message me that I am or go in my inbox and tell this! I KNOW that I am or in some kind of way, that I am! I accept full responsibility for this!

I know I have written/posted here on Tumblr and on Reddit that it "has taken me years to get to the point of just Write what you want to write" and "Never let others dictate what you want to write." Here's the thing, and yes, this is what makes the Hypocrite! I've been writing FanFiction for over 20 years. LiveJournal, FanFiction.net, AO3. I wrote on them for many fandoms! Mortal Kombat, Highlander the series, My Little Pony, Power Rangers (Mighty Morphin up), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel. Okay, you get the idea, It's pretty cringeworthy and, yes, very toxic fandoms, too! And back in 2k16, I discovered some of the Fandoms of the Youtubers! However, some of the Communities do have some toxic fans in there, too.

Here's where I'm the Hypocrite and me finally getting to the point of this post (I apologize for that it's just writing my feelings out is therapeutic for me).

So, to the point here, even with all this Drama going on, I want to WRITE what I WANT to WRITE! Without anyone's damn little voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm doing it wrong!

I want stories about JackSepticeye's Egos! But I had so many people telling me that I was doing it wrong! That I couldn't write a "Soft" Anti b/c AntiSepticeye is the VILLAIN and nothing else, and that's how you are SUSPOSE to write him, and if you write any other way, then you are doing it wrong! That is NOT true! I want to write Swap!AU where AntiSepticeye is the Hero and the Villain is Jackieboy Man but was corrupted by another Ego/Character. That Story barely saw in light to it b/c of that!

Now, to the point of this post! There has been so much Drama in the MCYT yes, even in the Hermitcraft Community! I've actually taken a huge break from Writing and being online less time than I usually do. The thing of it is, I don't want to "Update"/Post a Chapter then take several weeks, Update again, take several weeks, update again, take several months.

1) That's not really fair to Multi-Fandom Fiends

2) I want to actually finish a FanFic as well!

3) I don't want the "Little Voice" that's been going on with me to take over and suddenly I stop doing things b/c it's "Not the right way to do it!" "You can't write that b/c what the Actor/Creator did/said and if you're writing that Character then support them"

Here's the thing! I DON'T support them! I DON'T support William Gold nor do I support Clay! HOWEVER, I do love the Characters! The CHARACTERS, the FICTIONAL, the MADEUP People! NOT the Actors/Content Creators!

So, I'm going to be rewriting Tommy Innit's Secret Clinic. I'm not taking down the Original Post. That's staying up! Not Orphaned or anything like that! It's still going to be on my Account, but I'm going to be uploading/updating a different version of it! There are many things I want to write, many ideas I want to do, and so many things I want to add! But it just feels like I "Can't" without worrying/fearing getting "Cancel" for just writing about a Fictional Character!

But after going back an forth talking it over with my husband and other writers. I'm actually going to be taking my own advice! FUCK those people who are going to saying all that! I'M going to be writing what I want to write no matter what! I don't care! 20 plus years of doing this, and I'm done being a Writer's Doormat on my own Writing!

I know over the years, my writing style has changed, I have gotten better over the years, and there are so many things that I want to write! So, write now (pun intended) I'm going to focus on FebuWhump 2025, and then I'm going to be writing the new version of Tommy Innit's Secret Clinic.

[head-empty-river]

godfeels, fuck you (affectionate)

i need to do homework but instead i spent like two and a half days reading 403,043 fucking words (up to the end of interlude before side a and b) and today i started writing an offshoot right after where i stopped reading

bc i got fucking possessed to make an "everyone lives au" with the doomed june who met vv/VV trying to save them, and i've written 3000 words and change already. gotta go back and do all the quirks and colors when i'm done (won't be for a while bc it's a whole thing).

and also might pull some ideas from the crow strider au bc if i'm doing a hopeful story that's like a pinnacle to aspire to. btw it's not a fix it fic bc i don't think anything with the og is wrong; i'm just exploring what could be, in the open space that is left between this june and her obliteration in canon. and i think any roxy would be proud of this june, even if the canon one can't experience the spoils.

anyway. fanfic of fanfic aside. holy shit?

a story (especially a written one bc i got worse at reading after highschool lol, burnout go brr) hasn't gripped me this hard in fucking forever. i have shit to do rn but i'm fucking entranced.

ngl i recommend godfeels, BUT. with the caveat that it is a fucked up rough read. it's immeasurably good, but at the same time honestly more fucked in some places than the epilogues. so very fucked up. but it's so good.

like i feel bad recommending rough reads/listens/watches (like disco elysium, dark [that one show in german on netflix iykyk], hello from the hallowoods, both magnus podcasts, and more; bc i guess i'm just a fucked up little guy [gender neutral] idk), but they can be life altering in a good way. i don't regret my time spent on/in any of those stories. they made me who i am, and i am making myself through one rn.

i avoided homestuck anything for so long and finally dived in headfirst on a reading of it (guilty flygon, my fave terezi voice imo) in early december bc i needed a distraction from, like, everything; and i get the hype now. i think i wouldn't've been able to handle it when i was younger so i'm glad i waited.

since then (gods, only two months wtf) i've consumed the whole og comic, the epilogues, and am up to date on beyond canon as of early feb. i also read all of crow strider and watched mayhaps too many comic dubs, before stumbling upon the godfeels podcast from a post on the voft discord. after listening to all six episodes, i immediately started reading and now i'm here.

fuck.

idk if i even want people to read this or respond to it but if i utter that i read anything homestuck related to people irl... well, yeah. people are judgemental, surprise surprise. so here i am ig. yeeting a journal entry rant thing into schrodinger's void. bc there might be someone looking back.

btw i might post that fanfic of a fanfic on ao3 eventually (only when it's completed, or i know it'll stay unfinished forever), or maybe just keep it as something for myself. we'll see.