#It’s like the horse in the hospital but none of this guys decisions will kill people

[literary-potato]

I’m in a Slack group of security and tech people (and some adjacent folks) and Twitter is collapsing so fast that it’s genuinely impossible to keep up with the shitposting about Elongated Muskrat channel.

I look away for five minutes and some new unheard of level of chaos has been reached

My crops are watered etc

[in-this-body-of-mine]

To The Bone (2017) - Analysis and Charting

Let’s go! I’m NOT excited because life is hard but what better way to distract myself than to do this kind of shit. No one cares, anyways.

Since this is the first one, let me tell you what we’re gonna do here. I’ll include the IMDB summary, a summary with spoilers, the placements in the chart, we’ll go over each item (also, spoilers abound) and finally my review and final thoughts. Yes, it’s gonna be long. Read at your own risk.

IMDB summary:  A young woman, dealing with anorexia, meets an unconventional doctor who challenges her to face her condition and embrace life.

Summary with spoilers: Lily Collins plays Ellen/Eli and from the start of the movie she is on the brink of her disease. She was just kicked out of a recovery center and she gets an appointment with a ~cool unconventional doctor~ played by Keanu Reeves. She goes into ANOTHER inpatient treatment home to be treated by him. Shit happens, she seems to be getting better somehow, but then she spirals down, runs away, and after a... near death experience (I wish this was an euphemism) she decides to try recovery again and goes back to the treatment home. That’s where the movie ends.

Chart placements!

Now for each item:

White: Ellen or Eli is played by Lily Collins, who once played Sandra Bullock’s daughter in that movie were she was a Karen. It doesn’t get whiter than that.

Female: She changes her name to Eli mid film (which is how I’ll be calling her here bc we respect chosen names in this household) but she still seems to identify as female and be referred to as such, so here we have it. We do have a guy in the treatment home, but we’ll come back to him later.

Teenager/Young adult: I’m pretty sure she is 19 but every review I see says she’s 20. Either way, she dropped out of college even though she just started it. The actress, however, was 28 at the time the movie was released.

Wealthy/seemingly well-off: Her family has the money to send her to inpatient a bunch of times, and they make a point to mention how they have connections so she didn’t have to wait in line to see this new doctor. Case closed.

Skinny actress from the start: As we know, Lily Collins is already thin and she did struggle with anorexia in the past. Why, however, did she lose weight for this movie? They said it was her decision “to make the character more authentic”. As if not being skin and bones wouldn’t be enough. As if eating disorders don’t come in every size. They shouldn’t let her. The need to shock people is a very dangerous sign to me.

No distinctive personality or hobbies/interests: I’m glad Eli has a thing she loves. It’s not super present, but it’s there, and it’s plot relevant. She loves art and in the story, she had a tumblr (look, it’s us!) where she shared drawings related to her ED and a girl liked her drawings so much that, when she killed herself, she mentioned Eli by name in a note. But that isn’t really explored too much and I kind of got disappointed by that.

Good student: We don’t really know about that... and I don’t think it matter, it’s ok.

Seemingly irrelevant love interest: Why? Just why do we need Luke? Luke is the only guy in the home, and we can SEE that he’s only there to be Eli’s love interest. He wasn’t needed. None of the important plot points have anything to do with him. Make her date a girl. Make her date NO ONE. This is about eating disorders. She could have closer friends in the house. Why was this necessary. Her whole speech about how love is a lie could come from a friendship but no. They had to shove pretty white boy there.

Daddy issues (sometimes coupled with mommy issues): I find this extremely funny but her dad isn’t in the movie. At all. He’s alive and well, but he makes a point to never come home when Eli is even awake. I don’t think they cast an actor for that. As for mothers, she has three, and it’s a trip. Her stepmom on her dad’s side is very out of touch but she wants what’s best for Eli, but she really hates Eli’s biological mom. Bio mom, in turn, is described as a “bipolar lesbian” and the stereotypes are just... ugh. Bio mom has a wife and she is a bit weird too. They sent Eli to live with her absent dad bc “they couldn’t deal with it anymore”. This brings us to a great scene where we can see Eli shrinking in her seat and when the psychiatrist asks her what she is feeling she says “I’m sorry I’m not a person anymore. I’m a problem.” And that’s great to see. But at the same time, I hate that her whole issue in this movie seems to come from her family and anorexia is just a thing that happened, with some vague references to control. 

*Triggering event*: We never see it and it’s okay - but I kind of wanted some more explorations of motives because we have ZERO.

Anorexia as diagnosis: As I always say, what is even the point of making a cool looking movie about EDs if your protagonist is not only anorexic, but also terminally anorexic? Ugh. That’s the only portrayal of anorexia that happens in media and I’m fucking tired.

Checklist of habits (manual for those looking for one): I mean, I mark this down but as I always say: everything is a manual if you’re looking for one. But if you’re doing more than not eating or purging or exercising I’ll judge it as a new tip. A lot of us already thought of/did most of them probably. But the marking remains.

Inpatient treatment (or extended hospital stay): As I said, she is kicked out of one treatment center and goes straight into another. What fucks me up is that the movie HAS other characters with other diagnosis, but we never see anything about them. We don’t see their journey. We only know Luke is a dancer bc he is the love interest. We only know Megan is pregnant and then she’s not bc this sends Eli in a spiral. We only know Kendra is not straight bc she makes a joke about it (and Doctor Beckham follows with a horrible joke about conversion therapy). Did you notice Ciara Bravo was in this movie? I didn’t on first viewing. She has like two lines. The whole movie is centered around Eli and every scene in the house feels like all the other patients only care about her too.

Emotional tipping point: Megan loses her baby and for some reason this affects Eli. Luke kisses Eli and for some reason she’s pissed. At that point, I was annoyed. She has a bad session with Doctor Beckham who basically tells her to grow a pair and stop complaining (which is insensitive as a doctor, but as a person I wanted to do the same) and she decides to quit and leave. She has to go to her mother’s home and I’m supposed to care. Stepmom is mad but doctor says she needs to hit rock bottom. She weights like 70 pounds dude. Rock bottom was about ten pounds ago, next stop is a coffin, mate.

Mom hugs: And here we have the emotional turn around of the movie and it’s just... make it make sense. She goes to her bio mom’s ranch. Her stepmom # 2 tells they’ll have therapy with horses (?). Eli goes sleep in a tent and bio mom cries and says she accepts if Eli wants to die. Very supportive I guess. They have this weird bonding moment where the mom feeds her a bottle like a baby and look, if you liked that, good for you, but I don’t get what I was supposed to feel about it (but that’s mom hug #1). She goes on a hike next morning and... dies? Either way she has an out of body experience where she talks to Luke and sees how she looks - which is weird to me. Didn’t we go over this in the beggining of the movie? Didn’t we establish that she does know what she looks like and doesn’t care? But still she seems shocked and they have a cryptical conversation and she wakes up. And just like that, she’s ok now. She meets up with the other stepmom (mom hug # 2) and goes back to the home.

Happy ending: In the last scene Eli is back to the home and we understand she’s going to try to recover for real this time. I’m okay with that specifically, I think it would be bad if they pretended she just got better with no relapses and everything is fine, but it’s a hopeful ending. Despite the fact that we have no idea if she won’t have a fit and leave in two days and that we never know anything about anyone else and Megan, who lost the baby, never comes back. It’s fine. At that point, I didn’t expect much.

Analysis: I was hesitant to be critical bc this movie was based on the real life experiences of the director and Lily Collins. But fuck it, this is my circus and I’ll clown as much as I want. While I do understand that, I have a lot of thoughts.

Mainly, I need to say that while I understand this is her story, this is a story that was told so many times. I’m tired.

The general public that wants to defend the movie says “well you can’t tell ALL stories”, and while I agree, these people probably only saw this movie about the subject. If you HAVE (or had) and eating disorder, you probably saw tons. And they ALL tell the same story. Which is why I started that chart in the first place.

This movie does have good moments. I do like the acting, I saw people complaining about Keanu Reeves performance - but I do know these were people who disliked the movie entirely. I think his performance was great, Lily Collins performance was great, and their chemistry was great. The best scenes in the movie happened between the two of them. The one thing that I LOVED was their first interaction when he calls her on her bullshit. “You’re not thin, you scare people, and I think you like that.” YES. I never heard anyone talk about that. And I guess I’ll never will, bc the movie itself never talk about this again either. Also when she justifies the tumblr where her art triggered a girl so much, she says that she was just drawing what she knows, he calmly tells her that she can draw, but she doesn’t have to share it online tho. I liked their interactions because often ED patients are treated with silk gloves (is that the expression?) and sometimes there is a need for some though love. I also love Liana Liberato who plays her sister and that’s about it.

The problem with the doctor ends up being: what’s his method? How are you going to cure her? The method makes no sense. I don’t see the reasoning. I don’t think anyone does. And somehow it works and she goes back there. 

I think my major problem with the movie is that it has the same issues every ED portrayal before it. It’s the same story again. I think it shines the most in the whole “it’s not about food, it’s about control!”. It IS about food though. For a lot of people, it is. Maybe not for this director or for Lily Collins, but for so many people it is about food. It’s about control as well, and it is possible that there is other factors related to it, but you can’t chalk it all up to a control issue and pretend it’s just whatever. If the food didn’t matter, it wouldn’t be an eating disorder.

Because of that, we have this heavy focus on her family issues and nothing to do with food. We have people trying to rationalize - maybe it’s bc your mom is a lesbian, maybe it’s bc i didn’t bond with you as a baby - and all that does is to make her lesbian bipolar mother seem like a crazy asshole and her dad seem like an absent asshole as if this is the only factor here. Give me SOMETHING. Any connection to food. Any sense. Nope. She just won’t eat bc her family is fucked up. Hoe, that’s all of us.

And I think the movie unintentionally DOES glamourize anorexia. Subtly, yes, but it does. Eli has SUCH an easy time refusing food. She doesn’t seem to think about food as much as she thinks about herself and her family and Luke and being annoying. She knows a bunch of calories and she overexercises. Idk.  Not to mention that moment when Kendra asks her about purging and she says “it’s not her thing”. I mean. It is no one’s thing. No one likes it. It’s a compulsion. And if you have anorexia that severe and you are not with a feeding tube, you do eat every now and then, and you do have purging mechanisms. If she had said she prefers overexercising as a purging mechanism than to throw up, I would believe her. But the movie acts as if she just never eats ever and somehow she’s still standing. Give her a feeding tube then. It would be more believable.

I know it sounds kind of ranty, but my point here is: this extremely anorexic girl, that looks like a sack of bones, and gets that by never eating and doing crunches all the time, it is the wet dream of a fatphobic society with a 71 billion weight loss industry. This is the dreamy and frugal idea of anorexia that people have when they are deep into the illness - not when they recovered as the people involved say they did. I get that this is a very personal project. But it’s flawed. It doesn’t do anyone any favors. It just tells the same story, for the millionth time, but since this time it was in a big platform, more people saw it, and it was better done, with a better budget and with a good enough resolution so I can see every bone in Lily Collins body.

Anyway, that’s it for today. If you read all of that, thanks. Since this is Netflix, I’m assuming everyone saw, but the other movies are out there and if you need liks, hit me up. Be back soon.

[gustafsnightangel]

A Softer Side Part 4

The line stayed quiet, minutes felt like hours.

“Buyer approaching.” Davis confirmed as the sleek limousine pulled up.

“Buyer and seller exiting the vehicles.” Jerry stated and fell silent as the two parties conversed.

“Thank you for your exemplary merchandise selection year after year Mr. Raven.”

“Always a pleasure Mr. Chang, I know she’s not your first, but you’ll be hers.” He chuckled.

Oh the things Karl wanted to do to this man before arresting him, the rage bubbled up and almost swallowed him whole.

“This one is for my son.” The Asian buyer said with a smirk. Karl could fucking hear it in his tone.

“The eldest or youngest?” Arthur asked hauling the teen out of the back seat, getting her to her feet, the beauty stumbling as Arthur dragged her to Chang.

“The elder of the two. His tastes run on the wild side and he’s a little bored.”

Strand’s blood boiled, he knew what wild side and a little board meant for this girl, tied up and tortured for the rest of her existence, whether that was minutes or hours, weeks or years was only determined if she could live through each second.

The handover went smoothly, the teen secured into the buyers limousine, and both parties went their separate ways.

“Team B closing in.”

“Team A following Donovan.” Jerry said as their car tailed Arthur on a service road. One of his team had placed a tracker on his vehicle as the exchange was in progress. “We’re clear team B move in and tighten the net, secure the girl and arrest those assholes.”

“Copy and with pleasure.” Davis said gruffly.

“Strand?”

“I’m here.” He said calmly.

“Just tell me when you want me to flip these locks on her cuffs.”

“Not yet. Wait until he’s on the freeway, too soon and he’ll think it’s a setup. I’m hoping he just thinks some water got into the cuffs when he doused her.”

“Just tell me when.”

“Will do.” He clicked the mic of his com off and kissed her temple. “Sweet girl are you ready to get out of here?” He flicked the flashlight on dimly and set it upward to light the room. Her face tilted back to look at him, those soulful eyes making his chest tighten and ache. “When we remove your cuffs I want you to go hide by the toilet ok? In that little nook where he can’t touch you. Can you do that for me sweet girl?” Her head nodded as a finger brushed over his jaw, his lips. “We can’t.” He said gently. “I’m no good for you.” Regardless of his words she kissed him sweetly, a parting gift perhaps, a message that she understood, he couldn’t tell, she was clouding more than his senses.

“We’re about thirty minutes from you.” Jerry said.

Pulling his phone up he rested it against her cuffs and looked at her. “You ready?” Her nod at him, her trust in him, her kiss, he was so torn. “Flip the locks Jerry.”

“Copy.”

Strand watched as the numbers streamed by and fall into place like a futuristic slot machine.

“Fuck!” He spat when the screen flashed DENIED in big red letters. “Jerry?”

“Working on it.” The kid breathed and the numbers whirled again to give the same outcome.

“Jerry what the fuck!?” He ground out between his teeth and calmed as her hand stroked his scruff. How could she be so calm he wondered? Resigned herself to the prospect of never being free, he thought.

“I’m working on it, the signal might be too weak to engage the locks.” Hint ground out between his teeth.

“Up you get sweet girl, on your feet, slight change of plan ok?” He would not panic or lose his shit. Helping her to her feet he watched as her body shook at the exertion. “Can you walk over if I help?” She nodded and he was astounded at her inner strength. He helped her shuffle over to the filthy toilet, the chains clinking on the concrete, they were just long enough. “Can you fit between the toilet and the wall, I know it’s cold and uncomfortable but I want something between you and h...” She held onto him, stretched up on her toes and kissed him again. Something primal stirred in him and before he could stop himself his hand had cupped the back of her neck and he deepened it. It was only her manacles digging painfully into his chest as her fingers scrunched in his shirt that brought him back to the present. “Sweet girl.” He breathing ragged and rested his forehead against hers briefly before she pulled away and settled where he’d asked her.

“He’s about a mile out Karl.” Jerry said, working furiously to boost the signal to his phone.

“Hold the phone to the lock ok? I need both hands now.” Once she had the phone wedged between her wrists he tucked the coat around her to try and keep the chill out of her bones.

“He’s pulled up Strand.”

“Copy.” Draping the coat over her he readied himself for a fight, hand to hand it would be, this fucker deserved nothing less.

“Buyer secured, teen transported to hospital, full guard.” Davis reported and left it at that.

“Copy.” Some good news at least, Karl thought.

“In the house, up to the second level.”

“Don’t flip the locks yet.” Strand whispered. “It’ll spook him, let him come down here thinking he’s going to get what he wants.” His snarl was guttural. “Once I engage, flip the locks. If it goes south she needs to be free, you guys need to be in position to get her out. At all costs you get her out, am I clear?”

“Perfectly.” Jerry said.

Karl waited, the quiet movements relayed in his ear about the man above, no, the monster above. He thought he’d seen his share of monsters in the military only to find the home grown ones much worse.

“En route to basement, team A standing by.”

“Copy.”

His weapons were stashed with the pack, he had none on his person. He glanced at the shrouded form in the corner before switching his flashlight off and readying for battle. The slow slide of concrete against concrete made the hairs on his neck to bristle.

“Oh my sweet Lenore.” Arthur purred. “Such fun we’re going to have tonight my dear.” The glee in Donovan’s voice curdled Strand’s stomach.

Strand waited in the shadows, tucked in the nook out of sight. Arthur would see the chains to where Jane Doe was, would see the shrouded figure when he eventually dropped down into the room. Karl would strike first and hard, although he wanted to drag this out to beat the ever loving shit out of this guy, he also needed to get her to safety, to get them both out of this hell hole.

Arthur climbed down and turned, Karl saw the brief knit in his brow as he realized she wasn’t sitting in her usual spot huddled against the wall. His head only made it as far as a half turn as he followed the chain before Strand sent him flying into the wall face first, the sound of bone meeting concrete oddly satisfying.

“Now Jerry.” He growled and trusted the team to do what they’d been ordered to do while he took this guy apart. “Hello Arthur.” He said flatly as he hauled the now semi conscious man to his feet by his collar. “Not so tough now it’s not an infant, or 16 year old teen scared out of her mind are you?”

“Who the fuck are you?” He choked groggily.

“I’m surprised you don’t remember me. You slipped past me once before in Dallas, almost had you, would have had you if it wasn’t for a shitty team who didn’t care about runaways and kidnapped babies. But this team, well you got real unlucky there pal because this team is ready to flay you alive.” His tone was low and lethal.

“Her locks are free, she’s free Strand.” Jerry said gently, hoping his boss wouldn’t kill this guy with his bare hands before the end of the evening.

“How many Arthur? How many girls have you stolen and sold over the years, I know you keep count.” He grinned, knowing full well Jerry had those numbers but he wanted it from the horses mouth.

“Are you arresting me?” Arthur asked slyly.

“Not yet, maybe not ever if I don’t get the answers I like.” Karl’s tone was flat.

“You can’t threaten me.” He seethed.

“The fuck I can’t. News flash Arthur, I’m not the police, I’m not with an agency bound by restrictions and rules, and I can’t be bought. I can do whatever the fuck I please right now.” To emphasize the point he punched him squarely in the abdominals. Arthur doubled over and retched as he tried to suck air into his lungs.

“What made you like this Arthur, or should I call you Allen Raven?”

“Lawyer.” He gasped, the shock at the mention of his real name giving him away.

“I haven’t arrested you so you don’t need one of those just yet.” Strand was on a roll now, doing this for Jane Doe’s benefit more than his own. And that was bullshit, twenty years he’d hunted this fucker, time for him to pay up.

“Was it your wife dying in childbirth? You know you blaming her for the child’s death was pretty insensitive.”

“Shut the fuck up.” He growled.

“Is that why you stole this girl, groomed her to be your replacement wife for a punching bag? Someone to take your anger out on? Someone you could rape and torture because of your own failings?” Arthur stayed silent, probably a good thing considering Karl was fighting the urge to choke him with his bare hands. “Did you play happy families Allen.”

“Don’t fucking call me that.” Mmmm Karl thought, struck a nerve, time to keep the pressure on.

“Did you bring the babies down here with her for a time and force her to nurse, to care for a child that you stole for the simple purpose to sell to pedophiles and rapists. You’re fucking disgusting.” He spat.

“Did you set her free yet?” He grinned, the giggle as the sound of a weapon being racked as the bullet was chambered echoed around the room. “You know she’ll turn on you, my little Lenore.”

“She’s free, and she’ll make her own choice. And her name is not Lenore. She’s free to choose her own name.” Please don’t make me fight you sweet girl, he pleaded silently.

That smirk was wiped off Allen’s face as the barrel of the Glock pressed against his temple.

“Looks like she’s made her decision.” And he breathed a silent sigh of relief. She whimpered as her hand shook, pressing it harder against his temple, the flinch from Allen satisfying in its own right. “Sweet girl he’ll suffer more in prison, I guarantee it. Especially where I’ll send him.” Her eyes darted from one man to the other, the monster that raised her, the man that freed her. “It’s not in you sweet girl, it’s not who you are.” He could see her struggle with the rage and years of torment urging her to end his life, her hand far from steady as the other came to its aid.

“Do it Lenore.” Allen spat and grinned at Strand. Karl pulled him off the wall and slammed him back into it hard, the impact causing the older man to cough and wheeze as he tried to breathe.

“No, you don’t get to talk to her anymore Allen, especially to beg her to take your life and give you the easy way out.” He seethed. Using his forearm against Raven’s throat he looked at her, the terror lining her face. “Sweet girl look at me.” He murmured tenderly, waiting until her gaze fell on his. “If this is what you really want I’ll step back and you can take the shot, I’ll even help you, but just know, he’ll suffer more where I’m sending him.” His free hand covered hers over the pistol, her breath shuddering out as she lowered the gun.

“You always were weak Lenore.” Allen gasped. Strand didn’t stop her tiny fists beat into his head, any place she could reach, her weak limbs making her punches no more than a stinging tap.

“The only weak one here is you Raven. Preying on infants, children.” He growled, pulling her close, her strength snapped she collapsed against him, sliding to the floor weeping. “You get everything Jerry?”

“We did boss.”

“Good, come and get this piece of shit out of my face before I wipe it off the face if the earth.” He didn’t relinquish his hold until he saw Davis at the top of the opening. A burly forearm reached in, grabbed Allen roughly and hauled him up, half dragging, half climbing the ladder. “Book and transport him. Tell Meekland he goes to Hades 6, no exceptions.”

“You got it boss.” Davis cuffed the still wheezing Allen Raven and escorted him away.

Now for the next problem he thought, his own energy waning, how to get her out of here without freaking out. She was curled at his feet, fingers desperately clinging to his pant leg, quiet sobs racking her frail body. “You’re ok sweet girl.” He murmured, his fingers gently brushing her head in an attempt to soothe. “So brave, so strong.” He crouched down, much as he’d done when he first laid eyes on her and waited for her to respond. “It’s all done sweet girl, we can leave at any time, no rush, when you’re ready.” Sitting on the floor she leaned into him and just held on, the need to let the confrontation level out on her system.

A million thoughts ran through Strands head, the syndicate finding her at the forefront.. “Jerry?”

“I’m here.” He said gruffly, Karl could hear his fingers typing furiously.

“I’m texting you something. Do as it says, no questions, I’ll explain later.”

“Will do.” He said moments after Karl heard his text tone ping over coms. She needed a safe place to recover, to heal, and he’d see she got exactly that. Then and only then would he hunt the others down like the dogs they were.

“You’re ok sweet girl.” He soothed as she inched into his lap, the need for something to ground her. “So proud of you.” He said gently, glad she’d not give him the easy way out. “Hades 6 is perfect for him to live out the rest of his what will be a miserable existence.” He murmured, his voice calming her, the tense fingers relaxing against his chest. “An off planet prison full of the worst this world has to offer. Thrown together to eat or be eaten. Child rapists and pedophiles don’t receive warm welcomes there. He will suffer the same torment and hell as you did. It won’t be a quick death for him.”

“Strand?”

“What is it Jerry?” He asked as she looked up at him.

“I have a car ready for you, I’m driving.” He stated, not giving his boss an inch of wiggle room and Karl couldn’t help the smile.

“I’ll be out when I’m out.”

“Copy.”

“You hear that sweet girl? Our ride is here.” Soft eyes looked up at him, the uncertainty in them killed him. “I know you have no reason to trust me, no reason to believe anything I say, but...” Her fingers brushed over his lips silencing him. “I wish you’d talk to me.” He whispered against them, knowing she would when she was ready. “Jerry, clear the house for the next little while.” He said quietly. “I don’t want anyone seeing her.”

“Roger that boss.”

“Can you stand for me sweet girl?” He asked softly. With his help she got to her feet, her body barely strong enough to hold itself up. Strand stood and collected the pack after stowing the few bottles of water that were left. Holding out his coat for her he helped her into it, the weight of the thick wool almost bringing her to her knees. He buttoned it up, covering as much of her naked form as possible. “Very stylish.” He chuckled and saw the hint of a smile tug her lips, it was something. “When Jerry has cleared the house we’ll go up ok?” His fingers stroked her cheek in an effort to comfort, this would be difficult for her. She clung to him, the real fear he would leave her down here. “I’m not leaving you sweet girl.” He kissed her brow and held her close. “I’m not leaving without you.”

“House is clear boss.”

“Copy. Coming out.” He pried her arms from around him and dipped down to her level. “Look at me sweet girl.” He said gently, those sea green pools looked back and he drowned. “Trust me, please, I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but please.” Her slight nod as tears streaked her cheeks broke him. “I’m going to have a peek out first and then I’ll help you up ok?” She nodded again and he stepped away.

Collecting his weapons and shouldering the pack he climbed up the makeshift ladder and peered out.

“He boss.” Jerry smiled.

“Jerry. Take these and get in the car, I’ll be out with the girl in a moment. Don’t look at her, talk to her, touch her. She doesn’t exist at the moment ok?”

“Copy that.” He nodded and took the pack and weapons from Strand.

Dropping back to the floor he found her huddled in the corner, much how he’d found her that first night. Crouching down he waited until her eyes found his. “Ready to go sweet girl?” He held out his hand, she had to come to him. Karl watched in amazement as she shoved the fear down and took a chance, took the hand that was offered, trusting a man she barely knew. “There’s my brave girl.” He led her to the ladder and helped her climb up supporting her weight as much as possible. It was a tight squeeze through the opening, the concrete scraping his spine as he lifted her out and onto the basement floor. She froze as he pulled himself the rest of the way out, on her knees in the fetal position, motionless, barely breathing. He wasn’t equipped for this, fire fight, sure, beating someone bloody absolutely, a fragile mind and emotional state, not so much.

Sitting on the floor next to her he stroked a finger down her arm and the keening whimper gutted him. “You’re safe sweet girl, it’s just you and me in here, in the whole house. He’s not here, remember?” It took him nearly twenty minutes to coax her into his lap again, her rigid body relaxing once his arms had secured her to him, clingy it would be, he thought wryly. Fuck he hated clingy, but in this instance he’d make an exception. “Curl into me sweet girl, I’m going to carry you out ok?” He murmured gently. Pulling the collar up to shield her face from view and her eyes from the blinding work light he knew would be upstairs, he stood and shifted her to get a firm grip. “Close your eyes for me l.” He said as he started toward the stairs, she didn’t need to see or be reminded of anything up here in the house. Once on the main level he wasted no time moving to the front door, his long legs eating up the linoleum eager to be free of this shithole.

Jerry waited by the SUV and Karl shook his head when he went to say something. The kid, to his credit, caught on, snapped his mouth shut, turned and climbed in the drivers seat. Strand climbed in, a somewhat difficult task with a body in his arms. Once the door was shut he tapped Jerry’s chair twice to say he was good to go, his partner wasting no time hightailing it out of there. They drove in silence, the tremble in her body had eased and when he glanced down an hour or so into the journey he found her watching him.

“You ok sweet girl?” He asked softly and her subtle nod had him breathing a little easier. She shifted and peeked out at the city whizzing by, her hand shaking as it reached to touch the glass of the window. Resting her head under his chin he felt her drifting, emotionally exhaustion had finally come to claim her.

“Thank you.” Karl said as Jerry turned onto Mia’s property. “She’s asleep.” He added as Hunts eyes met his in the rear view mirror.

“No problem and I get it boss. With Allen in custody all those assholes online are going to be looking for his business partners, associates, anyone connected. Anyone and anything they can get their hands on to keep the girls coming in.”

“At the moment only Allen and I know what she looks like, I need to keep her identity under wraps. Do you know if he has photos of her?” Strand asked as he stroked gentle fingers against her head.

“I can check. They’re still processing the house so I’ll have a mountain of data to wade through when I get back, but I highly doubt it. She was a tool, someone beneath him.”

“Can you work from Mia’s?” He asked.

“All I need is an internet connection. I packed figuring I’d need to be here for a bit, I have all the electronics from the house.” He shrugged and Karl smiled.

“We’ll knock that green off you yet rookie.” He muttered.

“Mia said there’s a rec room I can setup in with a bedroom off the hall.” Jerry murmured as he turned onto Mia’s property.

“Do that, settle in, I don’t want anyone knowing where we are.”

“Am I going to lose my job if I don’t report in?” He asked seriously.

“If you do they’ll be firing me too. Meekland’s a bitch, but she knows I’ll protect the girl and use whoever I have at my disposal to do so. It’s more my ass on the line than yours.” Which was the truth, although Strand had to wonder if those at the office were more involved that he’d originally thought.

“Well it’s worth it, I’d rather get fired for doing something right than turning a blind eye to this clusterfuck.”

“You’ve got my vote kid.” He saw the welcome party on the front porch. “Slow down and stop before you get to the flamingo on the right.” He said seriously, pointing at the garish pink plastic flamingo nailed to a fence post. Jerry slowed to a stop where he was directed and waited with a chuckle at the flaming pink lawn ornament.

“Now what?” He said slightly nervous as he laid eyes on the tiny woman crouched behind a sniper rifle on the porch.

“We wait.” He shifted slowly into view, taking up the middle section of the back seat so Mia had a clear look at him, and a clear shot if she decided to take it.

“This has me a little on edge boss.” Hunt said and Strand snorted.

“This is nothing, Mia will have you on edge permanently.” His phone lit up and he answered the call.

“Who’s with you?” She growled.

“Jerry and the girl, that’s it. Anyone following us in is fair game.”

“Afghanistan.” She added abruptly.

“Victor Charlie Echo 93757293 Archangel.”

“You’ll do Strand, come on in I’ll get the water on for coffee, you look like shit.” Her demeanor changed so abruptly Karl chuckled as he hung up.

“She hasn’t fucking changed a bit.” He grinned.

“You speaking in code?” Jerry smirked as he pulled around the back of the house to keep the car out of sight.

“Something like that. We were special ops, only we know those codes. If they were to come from your lips, she would have shot you dead.” He chuckled at Jerry’s audible gulp. “Take the gear into the house, meet Mia, get set up, this may take a bit.”

“It has to be terrifying for her.” Hunt said softly, Karl could see the kids heart breaking for the woman in his arms.

“Give Mia the rundown, you’ve been on coms through all of this I know you heard it all.” Was all Karl said as he sat there with Jane Doe.

“Will do.”

Strand sat in the car and held her close while Jerry stowed the gear inside and brought Mia up to speed. She didn’t stir, the sheer exhaustion and paralyzing fear had pulled her under hard which in some ways was a blessing. He only opened the car door when Mia came out and waited on the back porch for him. Bundling her into his arms he carried her lifeless body into the house and felt the tenseness drain from his system at being somewhere even he felt safe, the place was a fortress.

“Good to see you Strand.”

“I wish it were under better circumstances.” He sat in a large recliner and felt slightly embarrassed at being so dirty in her sacred place.

“She’s under deep.” Mia said gently, her gaze scanning the frail body wrapped in a huge woolen coat.

“Yeah.” His sigh was weary.

“Hang here with her I’ll make a tea and some soup, you’re almost asleep on your feet too.” Mia smiled at him, damn it was good to see a friendly face.

“Long few days.” He felt his eyes droop, the wave of exhaustion beckon him under and he dropped into sleep like a stone. Feeling her shift he instinctively held her close before she settled again, the movement only pulling him back to the surface enough to know they were safe and he could sink into sleep once more.

It was the itch between his blades that woke him, the intense feeling he was being watched. He slowly reached for his Glock, the movement of shifting in his sleep with a woman in his lap masking the draw of his weapon. Without a sound he pointed it at those pair of eyes and held steady on the trigger at the familiar chuckle. Cracking an eye open he saw Mia sitting not far from him.

“Easy slick, if I wanted you dead you would be.”

“Fuck you.” He huffed, the grin in his tone cracking her smile wide.

“She’s been eyeballing me for the last half hour.” Mia said nodding to the girl in his lap as he looked down to see her intensely focused on Mia. “I reckon she thinks you smell and need a shower, and could do with a burger.

“She’d be right.” He yawned.

“Do you have a name little lady?” Mia asked and the girl just shook her head. “Well Jane Doe it is. How about you and me get you soaking in a nice hot bath and let this guy go shower, because he’s really on the nose.”

Jane looked up at Strand, permission, she was asking his permission to do normal everyday functions and this tore at him.

“Up to you sweet girl. I need a shower and food, and I think you’ll like Mia’s bath tub.” Her fingers gripped his shirt. “I’m not leaving, you’re safe with Mia, and Jerry’s in the rec room crunching source code and financials no doubt. This place is a fortress, no one gets in or out without Mia knowing.” Jane looked at Mia and smiled a slight smile when Mia winked at her.

“Can you walk with me or do you need help?” Mia asked and stood, holding out her hand.

Strand saw the terror cloud her eyes, felt her fingers tighten on his shirt at her outstretched hand. “You’re safe sweet girl.” She’d been so brave, so strong, and he hated seeing that fear reflected in her entire body, but they both needed to get clean and eat. She nodded, that plea in her gaze haunting him. “I’m not leaving you.”

“He keeps his word Jane.” Mia said gently. “I’m alive because of this dude, he kept me safe.” She glanced at Mia and then back to Karl, the tentative move off his lap to stand on shaky legs making Strand want to beat the shit out of Allen all over again. Karl wanted to kiss Mia repeatedly as Jane hesitantly stepped toward her, positive progress.

He watched her go, the occasional look back over her shoulder confirming he’d made the right decision to stay put for the moment. “That’s my girl.” He sighed, damn he was bone weary tired as he scrubbed a hand over his face. He could hear Mia’s voice, the in jest digs she took at him to try and cheer the girl up, take her mind off everything.

“He’ll still be there Jane.” He heard her say and not a second later she peeked around the corner at where he was sitting. He’d wait until she was in the bath before taking a quick shower, they didn’t need her having a meltdown due to separation anxiety because he was in the other room.

“Do you want some help washing or you got it?” Mia asked, the fact she appeared a moment later was progress Jane was happy cleaning herself and soaking a few years worth of filth off. “Go shower while you can.” Mia said standing in the doorway. “I hope you kicked the shit out of the guy that did that to her and he no longer draws breath.”

“Hades 6.” Strand growled. “After beating the shit out of him, to a point.”

“Even better, I know a few guys there I can put in a good word for him.” Karl smirked, god he loved Mia like a brother.

“You did the right thing with her Karl, don’t second guess yourself. She’ll be safe here.”

“She’ll never be safe Mia.” He sighed and got to his feet. “I’m going to shower. Come get me it she freaks out. Don’t tip water over her head.” He cautioned and retold what he’d witnessed.

“Fucker.” She seethed as she went in to sit with Jane Doe and settle her in.

“Yeah.” He trudged off to his usual room when he was here, the large California king begging him to come sleep in it’s silky cotton sheets for a month.

He stripped, making a mental note to burn the suit he’d been in for nearly three days and turned on the shower. It was a groan of bliss as he stepped under the heat, the massage heads pounding the dirt and sweat from him. He scrubbed himself four times over before he felt clean again and wrapped a bath sheet around his slim hips. Dressed in sweats and a white shirt he padded out to the living room in bare feet.

He smiled and softly chuckled at the sight, a far cry to what he was expecting on his return. Mia was cutting Jane’s hair, the unruly mop looking more sleek and stylish than the filth coated dreadlocks they were before.

“We’re getting our glam on.” Mia said cheerfully. “Your burger has ten more minutes, it’s not nearly dead enough for you Karl.” He watched Jane carefully, her eyes taking everything in, glancing at him, then Mia, then all the doors and windows.

“As long as the burger doesn’t moo when I stab it with my fork I’m good.” He smiled and saw the smile tug Jane’s lips, progress.

“There we go.” Mia said fluffing Jane’s cropped hair and tidying up. Her fingers came up and touched it gingerly and he saw her eyes fill with tears.

“Oh Jane I’m sorry, I should have, I...” Mia was mortified that Jane didn’t like it. “I should have asked you.”

“I think it’s beautiful.” Karl said softly, coming closer so she could reach for him if she wanted to. “It suits you.” Those sea green eyes locked onto his and he felt his chest tighten, god damn it he wanted her. He almost crumbled when her bottom lip trembled, so much change and upheaval in the past twenty four, he was worried she’d implode. “Do you like it?” The tears fell as her head nodded. Bowed before him he had the realization and kicked himself for not seeing it sooner. “Look at me sweet girl.” He waited for those eyes to find his. “That’s all that matters, your hair, your choice, you don’t need my permission to do anything.” That habit would be hard for her to break. He watched as Mia smiled and turned to tend their burgers and fought the urge to kiss her. As her silent tears fell he caved and cupped the back of her neck, pulling her to him to rest against his chest.

“It’s not a Jane Doe haircut though.” He said honestly as his fingers itched to touch the ends of it, feel it fall through his fingers now it was clean. “We need to find you a name sweet girl.” He kissed her brow and lingered, her scent mixed with the jasmine shampoo stirring his arousal. “Something strong and sweet, brave and beautiful.” She lifted her head up to look at him and if Mia hadn’t turned just then he would have claimed that pretty mouth. “What do you think Mia?” He had to divert his train of thought somehow, this was a dangerous line he was skating.

“That sums up Jane pretty good I think.” Mia’s eyes narrowed studying him as she placed a burger in front of Karl and soup in front of Jane. “Soup first Jane, your stomach isn’t going to like half a cow straight away.” She chuckled.

Karl studied her as she turned to face the bowl of chicken noodle soup on the counter, crusty bread beside it. Her hand shook, the ingrained response to wait for permission to eat.

“Sweet girl it is up to you when or if you want to eat.” He murmured. “Your choice remember?” He kissed the top of her head and took his seat. Focusing on Mia he saw her watching him, eyes darting from him to Mia as if looking for a clue as to whether it was a trap or not, was she going to be punished. He started to eat once Mia had taken her seat, the soup and burger looking like it would never fit in her slim frame but he knew she packed it away and burned through it just as quickly.

He watched as Jane’s fingers inched toward the spoon, eyes ever watchful, Mia and Karl ignored it, she had to do this for herself. It was torture seeing her struggle with the basic need to eat warring with the punishment inflicted if she did it without permission, but he let her do it, her terms, her choice. When her eyes flicked to his he winked at her and gave her a slight smile of encouragement, a silent permission. They had to start somewhere. She picked up the spoon and her hand trembled as she took her first mouthful, the silverware clattering in the bowl as her fingers lost the grip.

“Jane.” Mai whispered. “Like this.” She grinned and winked, picking the bowl up and drinking it like an oversized teacup. She made some outrageous sound and slurped which had that slight smile try to blossom on her face. Jane looked at Karl and all he did was smile, maybe that would be enough encouragement without giving permission. Taking a hold of the bowl like Mia had she hesitantly brought it to her mouth and slurped.

“Champion slurper of soup right there.” Mia said and chuckled.

She got half way through the bowl before she stopped, her belly probably overloaded with food, from famine to feast overnight.

“Had enough for now?” Mia asked as she started to clear their dishes and jerked her hand away when Jane protected the remnants of her food.

“It’s fine Mia, leave it there for now.” Karl said gently and gave Mia a knowing look, a nod was all it took for her understanding.

“Well there’s a whole pot just for Jane when ever she wants it in the fridge.” She brought her medical kit to the table and looked at Jane. “Can I look at your wrists and ankles, put some stuff on that will help heal it all up?” Her eyes darted to Strand.

“While you ladies take care of that I’m going to check in with Jerry.” He saw the alarmed look on Jane’s face, the terror filled eyes go wide. “He’s hanging out right through that doorway sweet girl, I won’t be far ok? And besides, Mia can kick some pretty mean ass as well, you’re safe with her too.” He hated putting that look in her eyes, but he had work to do and she needed stability not to be clinging to him every second of every day.

“Let’s get you cleaned up ok?” Mia said as Strand walked to the other room. “Don’t cry Jane, he’s still in the house, just like when you had a bath and he had a shower. You’re both here safe, just in different rooms.” She said swabbing and cleaning Jane’s wrist. “Once we have you cleaned up and I give you a couple of shots of antibiotics you can go into that room too, whichever room you like in this house. You’re free Jane, no monsters live here.” Only the ones in your head, but Mia didn’t voice that particular thought.

******

“Hey boss.” Jerry sighed stretching his neck from side to side content with the loud snap it gave him. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s getting there, showered and fed, it’s slow going.” Karl sighed out.

“You look beat to hell.”

“I feel it.”

“All I can say is I hope that if and when we find my sister, if I’m not the one to find her, I hope you are. Most would have tossed her to authorities or into the system.”

“I can’t do that to her.” He shook his head. “I have no clue how to handle this, but I’ve searched for that girl for nearly twenty years, I just can’t.”

“I don’t think there’s a rule book. You’re winging it sure, but you care, that’s the difference.”

“So where are we at with everything? Get me up to speed so I can go pass the fuck out for 24.” Karl said wearily.

“No chatter on the websites as to the arrest or apprehension of the buyer, that’s good news. Bad news is we’re on a time constraint because in exactly 25 days the second teen should be auctioned off and then a few days after that the third.”

“We’ll want to roll on the makeshift orphanage, before then.” Karl said quietly.

“Figured, so I’ve been pulling all data from them, thank you Davis, to setup dummy girls to bid on. We can work with the teen and bag ourselves another buyer.” He tapped a few keys and brought up the sites he was working through. “I’ve found everything but the homeless or milk money transac...” He stopped and nodded his head toward the door where Jane stood.

“Come on in sweet girl.” He said gently and saw her eyes flick to Jerry. “Remember the guy I was talking to?” He pointed to his ear and she nodded. “This is that guy.” Jerry waved and said a soft hi before turning and getting back to work.

Strand watched as her eyes fell on the screen and her head tilted to the side as of trying to recall something or figure something out. She took a few shuffled steps into the room before stopping and looking at Jerry then Karl.

“He won’t hurt you sweet girl.” She came closer and watched the screen. “What is it Jane?” He asked and tapped Jerry’s arm to stop and give her a minute.

“This is familiar to her.” Hunt breathed, his eyes darting from screen to girl as if it would help him understand. Jerry took a few steps back as she moved forward, now looking at the algorithms he was running for his snooping. Her hand reached out for the keyboard and shook, this was all too real for her, he thought.

With one keystroke she stopped the run and started typing.

“Stop!” Jerry snapped before he could think of the situation or who he was dealing with, the thought of protecting his data searches his only concern, literal days of work. She cowered, retreating back quickly and tripped over the chair in an attempt to put space between her and Jerry, pushing her already overtaxed legs to get further away. “Sorry, shit sorry, it’s just. Fuck never mind.” He took a breath. “I’m sorry I shouted.”

“Damn it Jerry.” Strand snarled.

“I’m sorry, that’s been running for days now and I...” Stopping mid sentence he looked at the algorithm and then back at Jane, her eyes still wide with fear, fear Hunt had put there. “How?” He breathed in disbelief. “Jane’s got some skills.” Karl heard him say as he crouched down to her level.

“You’re ok sweet girl, you were just trying to help.” He smiled. “Sounds like you did.” He held out his hand and she hesitantly took it. “You’re safe Jane.”

“Jane you are a genius.” Jerry beamed at her. “I’ve been able to access one level of data but not the other, his source code....” Jerry looked at Jane and Karl swears his jaw hit the floor. “Noooo, your source code. She... ok I’ma need a hot minute.” Hint stuttered.

“I think we can add smart to that list.” Strand said quietly and coaxed her into his arms. “Breathe sweet girl your safe. Jerry gets a little excited like a happy puppy.”

“Did you just refer to me as a happy puppy?” Jerry grinned.

“See happy puppy.” He watched as she looked up at him and then at Jerry.

“You wrote this?” Jerry asked gently, her slight nod all the answer he was getting as she curled into Strand. “It’s elegant code, beautiful. Where mine is a sledge hammer and just barges it’s way in, yours finesses the tiny cracks and blows it wide open while not being detected or seen.”

“What else you got Jerry, I need sleep.” Karl yawned.

“I have all the photos from the house on here and hard copy, I haven’t had a chance to look through them yet. He has a another record of everything, the undoctored version.”

“He keeping two sets of books.” Karl muttered to himself.

“More than. I’m guessing in that trunk is an air-gapped laptop that has everything in it about the entire syndicate.” Hunt pointed to the two large boxes on the floor full of electronic equipment he’d yet to sort through.

“Look there first thing. You need sleep tonight too.”

“He’s off planet.” Jerry said carefully. “Meekland pulled some strings.”

“Good.”

“Hey, Jane? Can I use your algorithm for a few more searches?” He asked gently, her slight nod lighting up the rookie’a face. “Later I’d love for you to show me more.” She looked at Karl and then back at Jerry and nodded before pointing at his financials. “There something I’m missing?” He asked and her nod made Strands belly tighten. Jerry vacated his chair and offered it to Jane.

“Show us what we’re missing sweet girl.” She hesitantly left his arms and shuffled to the chair, her gaze flicking between the two men, so skittish. Her movements were slow at first until she got a feel for it again. “Like riding a bike.” Karl murmured.

Jerry watched in amazement as she stripped away layers of security he’d been slugging away at for days in mere minutes, not surprising since she wrote the code. After setting up an algorithm to chip away at a particular layer she pushed back and stood up gingerly, wincing slightly, she was in physical pain.

“Elegant perfection.” Jerry breathed. “I’d kiss you but it’s not appropriate.” He chuckled and that slight smile tugged her mouth.

“Leave it for tonight Hunt, go have some food and get some rest.” Karl ordered. “It wasn’t a request.” He growled as Jerry sat back down.

“A few more searches to run overnight and then I’m out.”

“Do you want to hang here Jane?” He asked hoping she’d stay, but knowing she wouldn’t. Shaking her head she moved toward the door. “If she screams tonight let me handle it.” He said in a low tone.

“Copy. Her nightmares are going to be brutal.”

“I can only imaging. Good work the past few days, I know it’s been rough as fuck.”

“It’s worth it. We’re shutting them down, keeping her safe, kicking some bad guy ass.”

“Works for me. Get some rack time.”

Jerry peered past him before speaking again. “She’s his cypher Karl, more than getting past his security. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, she knows his secrets and just because of that she’s way more of a target.”

“Find the device, the laptop.”

“If she’s up for looking through the photos of the house we might be able to locate it, it might be in that box I just don’t know.”

“Process the box first thing, get Mia to help out. I don’t want to shove too much of this in her face unless she willingly wants to be involved. If she shuts down we’re fucked.”

“Will do.”

******

As he came into the kitchen he saw her standing by the window, legs shaking from the strain of holding herself up. “Would you like to go outside and look at it?” He asked pointing to the moon. She looked at him and nodded, there was a brief glimmer of happiness in her eyes. He opened the French doors and stepped out, senses on high alert until he’d scanned the area, not that anything would be able to sneak up on Mia’s house.

It had been a long time since he’d stopped and looked up at the moon, the serene beauty of it. He was brought out of his reverie by her tiny hand taking a hold of his. It wasn’t the death grip from earlier which settled him. Time, he thought, time here would see her recover.

He was so mesmerized by the vision of her looking up at the moon, the soft glow highlighting her beauty, he only just stopped himself before his lips found hers. Those eyes of perfect sea green snapped to his and her hand touched the scruff at his jaw. “I want to sweet girl, but we can’t.” He breathed and pulled back. “I’m no good for you and you deserve better.” He was drawn to her, something deep in his soul came alive when he was near her.

She rested her forehead against his chest, a quiet understanding that screamed at him. “Watch the stars.” He whispered. “Make wishes if you see one streak through the sky.” He said stepping back slightly to look up and to put some distance between her and his semi hard cock, she made him feel things his cold black heart wasn’t ready to feel.

They stood watching the night sky whirl overhead, stars falling casting pretty trails, wishes made. “You still need to search for a name sweet girl.” He said gently as she turned to look at him shaking her head. “Do you like Jane?” And smiled a chuckle as she screwed up her face and shook her head again. “I’ll take that as a no.” She pointed at him. “Me? Me what?” His brow knit in confusion until it dawned on him. “No sweet girl. I can’t chose for you.”

He thought about her mother, the name she’d been given by parents that adored her for the few days they had her, too soon for that bombshell, and that part of her life had been over before it had begun. She needed to choose it for herself, help her reclaim her life, her identity, to figure out who she was after Allan Raven.

Bringing up a list of names on his phone he handed it to her to look at. “Scroll through there and see if you like one.” He shrugged, not really certain if he was going about it the right way. She shook her head and pushed his phone back at him. “Sweet girl, I can’t. You deserve to chose who you want to be, what name you want to be known by.” Her head bowed and she stared at the phone screen, hands slightly shaking as she took it from him. “This is your freedom, the freedom to choose.” He kissed the top of her head and stared up at the moon, willing his own emotions to settle. Mia had chosen her own name and he remembered how liberating it was for her, he hoped for the same thing for his Jane Doe. Hearing the phone screen click off she handed it back to him and looked up at the moon before shuffling back inside as if he didn’t exist. He sighed out and dropped his head. “Fuck.” He growled and followed her in when he was sure he had himself under control.

******

“I think that’s the first time she’s seen the moon in a while.” Mia said as he closed and locked the French doors.

“A few years at least, and that’s no exaggeration.” He searched the room for her and came up empty. “She go to bed?” Was she angry at him for not giving her a name, he wondered?

“I don’t know.” Mia shrugged. “She’s free to do her own thing here Strand.” He gave her a flat look. “She’s on overload. You remember how I was after you pulled my ass out of Syria. Let her be tonight, she might settle on her own, she might not, but you need to give her the space to find out. You can’t fix her.”

“I know I can’t.” He ground out, though he wished he could.

“What’s eating you, spit it out.” She challenged, Mia had never backed down from his harshness.

“She wants me to name her.” He sighed. “Like a fucking pet, Mia.” He spat. “It kills me when she looks at me for permission, like I own her.” He was more frustrated with the situation and circumstances than the terrified girl currently under his care.

“Strand she doesn’t know any better. It’s a conditional response, just as Raven raised her. She’s had nothing, no one but him.” She sighed and looked at him. “In a way you’ve replaced him as her master, that’s how she sees it. It’s going to take more than a few days for her to unlearn everything that asshole put her through.”

“I know, it just...” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “She’s under my care Mia, fell under my care the second I laid eyes on her. I want to fix it for her, make it right, protect her from the rest of it that’s coming, because it’s fucking coming, this is far from done, but I can’t. She needs to do things for herself to reclaim her life, but she’s so fucking fragile, mentally fragile.”

“It’s going to take time, and a lot of it. And she’s far from fragile. All we can do is point her in the right direction, she’s an adult Karl, we can’t be her parents and we can’t expect her to be normal overnight, especially when she has no idea what normal is.”

“Speaking of, should I tell her she has parents? Should I tell her the name they gave her? How do we know what’s right for her?” He was snarling at her now, the asshole in him wanting to lash out.

“We don’t.” Mia looked at him and remained calm knowing he needed to release some of the the fury he’d been riding on the past few days. “We’re winging it same as her.”

“She’s never going to be free of Allen Raven, Mia, this will follow her and I can’t stop it.” Deep down he knew the syndicate would hunt her down until she was under their control or dead, both options were unacceptable and it terrified him that he wouldn’t be able to protect her.

“You’re right, but you’re giving her the best shot at a better life than she was in. Look at what you pulled her from.” She pointed to the room where their case was spread out for all to see as she crossed to him and he felt her eyes bore into his. “You’re right, she’s never going to be completely free, but she’s in a better place now than a few days ago.”

@hausofobsession @ill-skillsgard @grandpa-sweaters @authentic90skidd @tuckersgirl @fairlyfallacy @flowers-in-your-hayr @raewritesfiction @stinkerbelle007 @kamie-b @mrsaugustwalker @skrsgardspam @loliwrites @trippedmetaldetector @lihikainanea @fay-walden

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

White Knight Syndrome: Four

Bucky isn’t sure when you wound up on his chest, your fingers tangled in his shirt and your head on his heart. Somewhere between his 4th beer and the 2nd movie. When the shock wore off and the depression and exhaustion crept in.

He does know, as he holds you there, that he doesn’t mind in the least. If you’re against his chest, you’re safe. You’re comfortable. You’re warm snuggled into his sweats and the quilt from his bed. He adjusts you carefully, shifting your weight just slightly so his erection wouldn’t be stabbing against you. It was a reaction to being this... intimate with someone. Something he’d not had in a long time but. Given everything that had happened that morning, sex was the furthest thing from his mind. He just kept seeing you running around the corner of the house. Barefoot and half-naked. Your shirt had been half torn off in the struggle inside and your shorts were the ones you slept it. 

You’d come home from a long stretch at work. Tired. Hungry. All you wanted was some food and a night of good sleep. It had probably been easy for Rick to catch you off guard. You’d told the police you were changing in the laundry room. Scrubs come off and go in the wash and the first pajamas you grab go on before you walk into the house. He can picture it from what you told the police. He can still see the way your head snapped back when he grabbed your hair. The hair he had his fingers carding through to keep you asleep. 

He hates that that man is already, as you predicted, out on bail. He holds you a little tighter and kisses your head. He promised to keep you safe. He promised you’d be happy. He wanted that for you. He didn’t want to wake you. He didn’t want to tell you he was out. He wanted you to have just a little more sleep. Some more time to let yourself adjust to this new reality. One where your home wasn’t safe anymore. 

The sudden banging on the door isn’t going to let that happen though. You jerk upright and scramble off of Bucky as quickly as you can without hurting him. Every nerve in your body alert. “Stay here, doll,” he says softly, getting up slowly. He pads his way to the door and unbolts it carefully ready for a fight. What he finds is a pair of not quite elderly folks. The man has snow-white hair and his arm around the woman’s shoulders. The woman is wringing her hands and trying to peer around Bucky. “Can I help you?” he asks carefully. “Oh dear, is Y/N here?” the woman asks, “Rick said she would be.” Bucky opens his mouth to tell them no when he feels your hand on his, “Nora,” you say softly, “You and Bobby shouldn’t be here.” The man chuckles, “You know Nora. There was no keeping her away.” You shake your head, “I’m not taking Rick back. Not this time. Not ever again. I love you both dearly but... I can’t go back to that life.���  Nora pulls you into a hug, “I know that, dear,” she said. Bobby sighed, “We tried to keep him in jail. It’s a disgrace what he keeps doing but... You know Rick. Low friends in high places all over the place.” You nod and sigh, “It’s how he got off the manslaughter charge the first time. And how He got out of paying all the medical bills.” 

Nora brushes hair out of your eyes and smiles sadly, “We didn’t raise our boy to be this way,” she said softly. “I know,” you tell her. Bobby cleared his throat, uncomfortable. Bucky can see he’s a good man. The kind that cares but doesn’t show it very well. The only thing that’s keeping him from throwing them off his porch is that they seemed to have decided to side with you in all this. A rare occurrence, but one he’s thankful for. “Listen, Girlie. You’re still the best damn Bronc Buster that I’ve ever seen,” he said, making you snort. “I’m serious. A damn fine horsewoman... Best decision I ever made hiring you out. You coulda gone to the Olympics if you hadn’t had that accident.” You open your mouth to protest and he holds up a hand, “I know damn well we can’t make up for all the hell that boy caused you. But I can do this.” He pulls an envelope out of his jacket and hands it to you, “In there is everything you need. I picked out a real pretty Arabian. Fast as anything. Good blood. You can pick your own tack. We’ll pay to put her up. It’d be a tragedy for you to get all city-fied and lose that talent. All you gotta do is show them the paperwork and give her a name. You can go ride as often as you want... if you ever wind up Back in Montana, well shit. We’ll move her with you.” You tear up, momentarily overwhelmed and he pulls you into a hug, brushing a kiss over the top of your head, “Don’t you cry on me now. Because you’re gonna cry, then Nora’s gonna cry, and we’re gonna miss our flight. And I ain’t haul my old ass all the way out here to listen to no crying. I was too late to grab Rick before he got stupid, but I can do this. So don’t you worry, Girlie... This ain’t no loan either. It’s preserving a goddamn national asset. You got the best head for riding I ever seen. We can’t have you losin’ it.” 

They don’t stay much longer after that. Long enough for you to promise to send them pictures of your garden when it comes in and not to be a stranger if you’re ever in town. They drive away and Bucky puts an arm around your waist, “Y/N, what the fuck?” 

You smile a little, “Nora and Bobby run a cattle ranch. A damn good one. I used to work for them in the summertime. S’how I got the money for my tack and to feed my horse... and how I met Rick. He’s a couple years older than me. We started dating when I was 17. Right before the car wreck where my momma died. Before i was gonna go try and qualify for a spot on the US team.”  Bucky kisses the side of your head, “So. Their son beat the living hell out of you and what? They buy you a horse?” You smile a little, “And knowing Bobby they’ve got a guy headed over to fix the glass and install a security system for me... When Rick. I mean. That first time. When I pressed charges after. After he beat me until...” You trail off and Bucky doesn’t press. He knows what you’re talking about. He gives you a second to get your composure and kisses your shoulder softly. “Nora brought me the divorce papers while I was still in the hospital... They decided to keep me, I guess after it all came out what he’d done.” Bucky nodded slowly. He can’t imagine doing those things to a woman. Any woman. Let alone one he was married to. Supposed to be in love with. The one he wanted to have a passle of kids with.

Bucky held you gently for a moment, “I didn’t even know you rode horses,” he said softly, “got any other hidden talents?” You smile a little, “I’m a damn good shot with a rifle and I’m good with rope,” you answer. Bucky raises his eyebrows, “Got a whole Cowgirl next door... And here I thought you were just a random hippie.” You snort, “Careful. I’ll hogtie you to the bed and leave you for your boys to find.” He chuckles, “You gotta at least take me for a nice dinner, first doll. I’m not that kind of guy... My mama raised a gentleman. I’m not just some whore.” You giggle and he hugs you close for a second, “On that note, Doll,” he said, “Let’s get you fed. You probably didn’t get a chance to eat, did you?” You shake your head. “My wallet is in my glove box if you want my card to pay for something,” you tell him. He shakes his head, “You’re alright. I was just gonna order a shit load of Chinese.” You smile a little and nod, “I forgot, this is y’all’s Club night, isn’t it?” Bucky nods, “When they get here, we’re gonna have a chat about having someone escort you to work. At least until the cops do their fucking job.” You blush and shake your head, “I appreciate it but...”

Bucky grips your shoulders gently and kisses you quiet. “Sugar,” he says, “The scariest moment of my life was hearing you scream. I went to war. I got shot at daily. None of that ever scared me the way that did. I have never wanted to kill a man as much as I wanted to when I saw that piece of shit chasing you through the yard... If Sam and Steve hadn’t got here when they did, baby, I’d be in jail.” He kisses you again softly and smiles, “I made you a promise, Sugar. And I ain’t likely to break it.”

He kisses you again and for a moment, there’s no talking. He wants to tell you he loves you. To ask you to marry him. To ask you about baby names. But the feel of your arms slipping around him and your tongue against his chase all that out of his mind. All there is, is this.

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Henry II's Backstory

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@candy-addicted-angel

@fallcnintohell

@you-shouldnt-have-cut-my-wings

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Henry never believed that his mother was killed by some demon. He remembered being forced to go on hunts with his father and seeing what he saw. But even then he didn't believe it. Maybe he was in denial, maybe none of it was real and had a simple explanation.

He tried to dissuade his siblings from believing his father but he couldn't. He especially stopped trying with Dean. Let Dean be the Good Son, it would lead him to ruin anyway.

He had plans for himself, he wanted to get out of the small little town he was born in. He wanted a normal life, a house, a good job. He wanted to make good money, enough that he didn't have to worry about bills like his parents had to when his mother had been alive.

For fuck's sake Winchester wasn't even their real last name. Their father had changed it in an effort to avoid police scrutiny and keep whatever had killed their mother away from them. Apparently he'd been looking at a world map at work the week before Mary's death and liked the name. Which to Henry tells everything you need to know about a man like John. He worked as an auto mechanic and was too broke to even go outside the country. He was the kind of guy who looked at maps and planned trips he'd never take.

At 18 Henry had had enough and left for NYU. He double majored in marketing and business and got a job at Goldman Sachs. Along the way he met Cassandra a architecture and theology. She wasn't very religious but curious about understanding the history and significance of the architecture around her. He loved hearing her speak of the different buildings as they walked around NYC.

Two years into their schooling they had a daughter named Cora. Cassandra's parents had money and they loved Henry. So they were more than thrilled to have a granddaughter to dote over.

Two years later after they graduated from college they had a son, Kevin. He stayed most days with his grandparents in their penthouse apartment. Two years later they added their baby girl Rosalind.

Henry thrived in his job and home. He loved to tag along business trips Cassandra took. He loved to see how interested the kids were as Cassandra would rattle off facts and stories about the different buildings around them.

For a time everything was okay, but Kevin started to act strange when he turned 9. Talking to people who weren't there, being rude and reactive.

It had gotten to the point he had pulled a knife on little Rosey when she took his chips.

Henry and Cassandra were beyond worried and took him to many different child psychologists but no one could give them an adequate answer.

At 10 Kevin escalated things by stabbing his grandmother in the shoulder when she refused to give him any sweets as it was past 8 at night.

She was rushed to the hospital and Henry and Cassandra had to make a decision. He needed care and attention they couldn't give him so they decided to send him to Pleastantview Mountain Hospital in the catskills. Henry and Cassandra reached out to high powered friends everywhere to make sure the hospital was as good as their reputation stated. The last thing they wanted was for their son to be hurt more.

A week after his grandmother was sent home Kevin was taken there and kept in their children's corner.

The family visited once a month and the place looked to be helping, he had activities and school work he could do. He was given a specific case worker and therapist to talk to once a week.

They were hoping he'd be able to come home by Christmas in a few months.

But by Thanksgiving Kevin was acting out and angry, doctors advised to let him stay a little longer.

This turned into three years where he would fluctuate back and forth some weeks would be good, some bad.

At 13 he started to talk to his parents about what he saw as a child. Ghosts and demons following him around, haunting his room.

Henry had read child psychology books and knew he had to place this just right. He had to make sure Kevin knew he could talk to him but indulge in these delusions.

His grandparents had a different story, they believed Kevin wholeheartedly and told them they'd been hunters of the things Kevin was talking about. They retired when Cassandra was born.

Cassandra left the conversation and didn't speak to her parents for a month. Henry was taken aback and his in laws assured him they knew his past, it was one of the main reasons they approved of the match. Apparently John had reached out, his mother in law Janet and he went back, did a case up in DC when Cassie was 16.

They'd kept in touch ever since.

Henry was furious he'd tried so hard to get away from his father, to at least have some semblance of normalcy and his father still crept into his life.

He called his father that day demanding he stay away from his family and never contact him or his family again.

Henry and Cassandra both agreed it was better Kevin stayed in the hospital than come home. They didn't want the grandparents to make him worse.

Their daughters were flourishing given the circumstances, Cora at 15 was doing equestrian events on her local school team. Rosey at 11 was making friends and getting into make up and dresses.

Fast forward a few years the family still visited Kevin every month and spent holidays with him.

At 16 Rosey came to her parents and said she was pregnant, her boyfriend Theo was more than happy to step up and assured the parents he'd do everything in his power to be a good father.

He came from a broken home with a single mother so he was hoping to be the father figure he hadn't gotten.

Henry had a soft spot for him and after speaking to Cassandra they agreed Rosey and Theo could keep the children. Provided they promised to both graduate from high school and go on to college. They agreed and on March 15th 2016 Darian Alder Goldwood and Lainie Aster Goldwood were born. They were adored, Kevin even sent some artwork to hang in the nursery for them.

Rosey was elated, she loved to be a mother, she once told Cassandra she'd love to just stay home and raise the kids.

Cassandra was supportive but said an education couldn't hurt.

Two years later after they graduated high school Rosey found out she was pregnant again. She and Theo were overjoyed.

Kevin was beyond excited, seeing his family especially the twins always made his week.

Theo proposed soon after when they were walking in central park. Theo, had had a rough year. His mother Olivia had hung herself in the beginning of senior year. It was odd she had never shown any signs of being suicidal. It all had happened so suddenly.

Henry and Cassandra had payed for the funeral and the first year's rent of an apartment across the hall from them for Rosey, Theo and the twins.

When their third child was born she screamed as she entered the world, Theo and Rosey decided to name her Xena meaning life for the all the vitality she had. Xena Olivia Goldwood brought a joy to her family that they sorely needed.

Kevin was ecstatic when he finally got to hold her. He adored his nieces and nephew and drew drawings and made up stories for them.

Still he had violent outbursts so Henry and Cassandra agreed that to keep Kevin in the system was best.

Finally a year later in the summer of 2019 Rosalind and Theo were to marry. They had finished the first year of their college journey both going to NYU. Rosalind majoring in business she wanted to open her own clothing line. Theo in Visual and performing arts he wanted to build sets for Broadway.

For her wedding Rosey had one request that Kevin be allowed to attend. Henry and Cassandra were skeptical but talking it over with his doctors and therapist they thought it would be a good trial run.

Besides the wedding wasn't going to be very big, just close family. The reception was where all of Henry and Cassandra's business and work friends could come.

On the day of August 9th everything started out great. Cora had made time to come home. She was usually traveling around the world giving talks and doing sports with her horses. She had a ranch up in Montauk.

Kevin seemed nervous when he first got there but slowly relaxed as his nieces and nephew trailed after him and demanded some stories.

The wedding was a simple affair, Rosalind looked beautiful and Cassandra walked Theo down the aisle. They kissed and everyone toasted.

The reception was to be held the next day in their penthouse. For now everyone could relax the night away. Henry and Cassandra hadn't spared any expense and had rented a big lake house for everyone to sleep in. Since the penthouse staff would be up before dawn to get everything ready before guests and the family arrived.

Around 10 there was a scream. Cassandra had come to Rosalind and Theo's room to see if they wanted anything specific for breakfast the next morning.

Theo and Rosalind lay dead in their beds. Before Cassandra could run to the phone she was dead, her throat slit.

Kevin moved around the house and killed his grandmother next. His grandfather tried to hit him with a gun he had but it didn't seem to affect him.

Kevin didn't look like himself, his face was expressionless as if he wasn't even aware of what he was doing.

Cora ran into the room to see Kevin stab him and run out of the room. Cora stood in shock and horror. She ran to her grandfather's side when she saw he was still breathing.

She begged him to hang in there while she went to call the police. Her grandfather said there was no time. She would need to use this special knife to kill Kevin.

She protested, how could she kill her own brother?

Her grandfather assured he he wasn't her brother anymore, he was a demon, he was possesed, and, he needed to be put down.

He passed before Cora could ask anything else.

She found Kevin the living room yelling at Henry that he should have belived him. That he should have stayed with his family and they'd all be safe. If Henry had listened, if he'd stayed they would have all been safe. The angels swore they would have protected them all. But no, Henry didn't listen and now they all had to die.

Cora couldn't stop him from killing their father. But she'd die before she allowed him to hurt the kids.

She asked Kevin as he shuffled toward her if he would kill the kids after killing her. Kevin shook his head, his brown eyes wide and overblown like he was on cocaine.

He would never kill them, they were innocent. They could be saved, all they needed to do was say yes and an angel would save them. He was trying to save the world didn't she see that?

Cora nodded her head tears in her eyes as she went to give him a hug. She would do this as painlessly as possible.

Kevin hugged her and as he pulled back to stab her she did it first. Watching in shock as golden light flashed a couple of times in his body and he went limp.

She backed away from the body and ran to her phone. She called the police and told them everything.

Cora waited as the police came and spoke to her again, took crime scene pictures. The kids had thankfully been asleep this whole time and Cora was asked if she wanted to take them or place them in foster care.

She knew that the life she had had was gone. She'd need to be do everything in her power to give those kids a stable homelife. Even if she barely knew them.

She of course agreed to take them. Once all the funerals were done and the wake was finished she left.

She transferred all the money from all her family's account into her name and moved up to Montauk. She expanded her ranch adding chickens and cows. She couldn't bare to sentence another living thing to death and so bred them.

Only giving her animals to ranches like hers or animal sanctuaries where they'd be cared for the remainder of their lives.

She never reached out to any of her dad's siblings if even a sliver of what Kevin had said was true she wanted no part in it. She rather pretend none of it was real than be dragged back into that hellish nightmare.