#It would be so easy for the hpsc to convince him that using it on villains makes society a better place

[thyandrawrites]

I'm not touching bnha canon with a ten foot pole, but I feel like this is a prime time for a fic self plug. Friendly reminder that two years ago I wrote an AU where the next little stray the HPSC would prey on if they ever lost control of Hawks would 100% have been Shinsou

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Early Purge/HPSC Purges the hero ranks AU

my brain is still on this.

But anyways so: Before Izuku goes to UA, there's a full scale purge of the hero ranks, where certain heroes are fired/arrested depending on what the HPSC gathered on them. Like for example: Death Arms gets sacked because 1) his performance in the sludge villain attack wasn't great and he's been noted to kind of have a bad time with collateral and 2) super strength is a dime a dozen, he's easy to lose.

Some agencies such as IdaTen, Put Your Hands Up, Endeavour's and Fatgum's all knew this was coming, so they hired a bunch of sidekicks out of the numerous competent heroes to keep them from the purge, which also targets glory hound indies unless of course they have a useful Quirk (such as Mt. Lady as I think Giantification Quirks are rare). When the purge ends, they begin letting the sidekicks loose to be heroes on their own terms.

This... changes things.

For example: Stain attacking Tensei in my head was related to how many sidekicks he had (oh, he gets the glory of them all/he takes advantage) and seeing that the Purge happens and Tensei lets a lot loose kind of... shakes up Stain. Because a lot of Stain's ideology is tied up in the idea he's a lone wolf who targets heroes who society will not punish. He along is the saviour of society, that the world will remember him as the voice of reason, that only the true hero All Might, blah, blah, blah. You get the point.

But here is the HPSC getting rid of so many heroes who were only in it for the money. Leaving behind competent ones, and even posting information on WHY.

Stain's entire shtick gets SHATTERED. And even if he decides they missed son, he's not going to have as big of a platform because people can look shit up about them.

There's other stuff to i would add:

-A purge like this happened about twenty years ago when All Might became known as the symbol of peace five years after he came back to Japan. It's far enough back people forgot about it and a majority of heroes now never experienced it. This is why only some agencies held on, because those heroes or retired heroes passed on the word to them.

-Aizawa gets his own eye-opening because I love the guy, I do. But I am very convinced he has a chip on his shoulder and a bit of a habit of assuming things and refusing to let them go. Seeing the HPSC step up kind of shakes up his own worldview, and he ends up learning that no one told him or warned him because they knew he'd be safe given UA and his Quirk, and because his attitude annoys some people. It leads to him revamping his teaching style upon realizing that the HPSC will take steps if needed to.

-Bakugou gets a very harsh reality check that strength isn't everything, as he looks at reasons why a lot of the heroes got fired. Collateral damage, attitude, popularity... admittedly he doesn't really connect it to himself until... well...

-Nezu cackles and revamps the entrance exam to. Now they get a much longer list of points and reasons why they got them or didn't get points. Bakugou gets a card announcing since he got no rescue points he isn't first for the entrance exam while also lambasting a few other things. He isn't happy.

-This also affects Shinsou. He got a few more points then canon due to the new system, but given they noticed his attitude around 'traditional' heroic Quirks and the fact he's a beanpole in canon until buffing up later, he gets a 'you'll get into the heroics course if you get to the one on ones during the sports festival/someone gets expelled'. His parents hear about this and stick him in therapy due to the fact his attitude cost him.

[candlecoo]

What about an AU where Izuku works for the HPSC? Kinda like a Hawks situation, but as an analyst/strategist. Do you think it would be viable?

Absolutely!

- Fumihiro Goya was a typical worker for the Hero Public Safety Commission, or at least he appeared to be.

- in all honesty his job wasn't typical at all.

- he worked in a secret sector that trained children to be heroes for the commission's profit.

- but he was a low enough worker that he didn't have too much sway.

- so when his car broke down, he wasn't offered a brand new shiny car to use till his was fix. No he had to fend for himself.

- which is how he found himself blocked by a villain fight on his way to work.

- which is also how he stumbles into a ten year old absolutely engrossed in his notebook.

- Goya's quirk Easedrop allowed him to perfectly pick up every muttered word of this child surprisingly indepth and accurate analysis.

- Goya was intrigued.

- so he "researched" the young man, discovering his habits, his intellect and his quirk status.

- and with some convincing Goya was allowed to head his first project, the hero commission's first raised and trained strategist and analyst.

- cause it is seriously so easy to cover up the disappearance of a quirkless child.

- it took some time and manipulation but eventually the child "formerly" Izuku Midoriya accepted his fate, that only the commission would ever want him, that his mother had sold him to the underground (which was false), that the commission saved him, saw his worth and gave him a home and purpose.

- Izuku Midoriya was no more now there was only Analog, the commissions personal strategist.

[hopelesshawks]

Yandere Hawks HC?

I’m glad you asked Anon, I’m glad you asked

I don’t think Hawks starts out as a Yandere, I don’t think he knows he has it in him

It’s so innocent at first, he just has a crush but knows he’s too busy with work so he admires from a distance

Sure it may be a bit stalkerish that he follows you to work and home whenever he can between patrols

Sure most people probably don’t memorize the schedules of strangers so he can always pick up his watch of you the moment he’s free to do so

But most people aren’t pro heroes whose job it is to watch the city, that’s all this is, an extension of hero work extended to one person he’s found himself quite attached to (even if you’ve never actually spoken)

But then The War happens

Keigo’s just not quite right after the war

He can’t work the way he used to and with his feathers almost entirely burned away he’s lost an entire extra sense. The whole world just feels duller

Until he’s walking fucking walking home from work one day when the world has gone back to a version of normal and he spots you looking just as stunning as before, just as happy as before

He was so convinced that nothing pure and innocent would survive the war and yet there you are going about your usual routine

He still remembers everything about you and your patterns, it’s so easy to casually insert himself into your life as if by coincidence

He plans it so well, even without his quirk he’s still the same cunning hero trained for infiltration by the HPSC themselves, slipping into your life is child’s play in comparison

And now he has time, he has so much time for you, and he’ll wait until he’s earned your trust completely

That’s when he’ll hide you away all to himself so he can protect you from the rest of the world

He has to protect the last bit of innocence left in the post war world after all, it’s what a good hero would do

[one-smuts]

The Shape of Regret

Ahh this entirely self indulgent buuut I dont care haha.

Vigilante!reader x Hawks, SFW, hurt comfort(?) Angst, fluff, she/her reader. reader gets injured during a fight, and having no where else to go, turns to the one place she knows she'll be safe.

tw:slight mention of human trafficking, depections of blood and wounds, gun metion, at home medical care. if i miss anything please let me know.

Under the light of a dying street lamp, everything starts to take the shape of regret sooner or later.

This effect is accelerated when you’re watching your blood pour down the storm drain nearby. Yea, Y/n didn’t have a lot of time. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be quick and easy. One of her connections informed the vigilante of a drug deal going down. No big deal, just go in, break it up, maybe kill the mastermind behind it, be home in time for the new episode of Demon Slayer.

Thank god she thought to record it. Not that she’d be able to watch it if she didn't get medical attention soon. Everything went south on this “oh SO easy” mission. Who the fuck just carries a gun when we have quirks?! If she had seen it, she would have been able to maybe do something about it. But, she was shot twice in the back, which gave Knife-Hands-Megee an in to get her real good in the side.

Y/n had to use what was left of her fire to get the situation back under control. And leave the hoodlums in handcuffs for the cops. But, in doing so she didn't have a chance to cauterize her wounds. And they needed a good cauterization. Badly. Now, if Y/n lived anything even similar to a normal life, she could just go to the hospital and get medical attention that way. But, Y/n's life wasn't normal. And she couldn't just go to a hospital. She was the most wanted vigilante in the game right now. Going to a hospital met she would for sure get turned into the HPSC for her treason.

Oh god, was that a rat or a cat?!

Suddenly, bleeding out slowly in the middle of a street didn't seem so bad. 

She thought of how her death would affect him. Would he cry for her? She liked to think probably. She liked to think he still held the love for her that she did for him. She could lie about it until she actually bleeds out, but the truth would remain unchanged: She never stopped loving Keigo Takami. And her soul needed to know that he never stopped loving her as well.

Ok, maybe she didn't want to die in the middle of a street. So, that left her slowly making her way to the one place she knew she would be safe. Or well, at least hoped she would be safe. She wasn't looking forward to the almost definite verbal lashing she was about to endure. Still, it might be worth it to see him again. She would never be able to admit it to herself if she wasn't dying, but she missed him.

Even now, as she was bleeding out on this empty city street, trying to accept her own death and mortality as a way to convince her she didnt need to see him and she didnt need to drag him into this and she definety didnt need to go and trudge up emotions she had long since buried, she could only think of that stupid birdbrain. That man that once lit her heart on fire. The man that hurt her more than she thought possible anymore, even now.

And that led her to his door, weakly knocking on his door. Silently begging him to open the goddamn door Keigo, Please I’m LITERALLY DYING HERE. Hawks, to his credit, didn't even realize there was a knocking on the door until he actively tuned into the sound. He thought it was the wind. So, I'm sure you can imagine his shock and surprise when he opened the door and found his ex in a bloodied heap on his porch.

“Y/n, I’m going to have to take off your shirt to get to your wounds.” he said softly. Y/n was pleasantly surprised to realize she still had enough blood in her to blush. “It’s nothing you haven't done before.” she muttered, trying to hide the fact that she was weighing her options between having him see her body, a body that would most definitely have yet another gnarly scar for her to hyper fixate on, and just straight up dying. She was leaning towards dying.

“Heya birdbrain. Can I- uh, come i-” before Y/n could finish that sentence, Hawks had her in his arms and was rushing her inside, using one of his feathers to close the door behind him. “Y/n, what happened?” he asked, taking her to his bathroom to inspect her wounds. “I thought it would be a great idea to run with scissors.” She groaned as he gently inspected her wound. He gave her a deathly serious glare. His trademark “dont fuck with me right now, this is serious.” glare. “I got in a fight. I won though.” She had to add that in.

“Were you followed?” Hawks asked, grabbing the peroxide from his first aid kit. “I didn't see anyone, but I was more focused on not dying than I was not being followed, so, do with that information what you will.” Y/n muttered, that last part more to herself than to him. Hawks grabbed his medical sewing kit and went over to her. “You’re real funny when you’re bleeding out, you know that?” he said sarcastically. “I’m real funny most of the time. Just sayin.” Hawks rolled his eyes to suppress a smile. He didn't have to suppress it for too long though.

“Yea, I know but- I just wanted to warn you.” “it’s nothing you haven't seen before.'' That was one thing Y/n found comfort in. At the end of the day, he saw all she had to offer and more. Things were no different now that they had broken up. Hawks gently maneuvered her to be able to reach the zipper on the back of her (former?) hero suit. He grimaced to find the two bullet holes there. “Have you gotten the bullet out of these?” he asked, removing her shirt. “Hawks.” she glared. Man, he was not a fan of that look.

“Right, stupid question, forget I asked.” he said, sending two feathers to go and retrive the bulltes as he inspected the gash in her side. Ok, the situation could be a lot worse. The gash wasn't deep enough to hit anything vital, nor were the bullet holes. By the looks of her, she had only lost between 10 and 20% of blood. Meaning if he worked fast, a transfusion could be avoided. “You must have been close by.” He muttered to her as he began to disinfect her side.

Y/n of course squealed like a bitch. “Something like that.” she whimpered. “It felt like I was halfway across the world from you though..” she muttered. Hawks simply hummed in acknowledgment as his feathers located the bullets, but didnt pull them out yet. “This is going to hurt.” He informed her as he prepared a needle to stitch her up. “Worse than getting the damn thing?” The vigilante asked, snark dripping from her voice. “I donno, I didn't get the injury. I'm just going off of the fact that you couldn't handle disinfecting it.” Hawks smirked at her. “Hey! I handled it!” “Sure you did Dove.” He  muttered as he gave her a rag to bite on and began the stitching process. The term of endearment slipping out without the realization even hitting him. 

Y/n realized it though. She missed that. She bit the rag hard to suppress a scream as the man began his work, stitching her with an almost expert skill. Hawks was a man of many hidden talents, sewing a person back up was apparently one of them. He was done relatively quickly, and with as minimal pain as possible, all things considering. It was quick, and clean, and easy. Clinical, maybe even overly so. “Ok, I’m going to move you onto your stomach now.” Hawks said, gently rolling her over. Y/n appreciated that he warned her about what was going on.

“Bullet number one, coming out now.” he warned, giving her the time to prepare before pulling the projectile out of her skin. She looked so…oddly broken. Weak and broken. She looked oddly small. She felt so, so cold. She was none of these things. She had never been any of these things, and never in a million years did he think he’d see his lively, loud and colorful Dove like this. It made his heart drop. His breath shaky, his mouth dry. It hit him all like a truck. 

He could have lost her, forever. Never gotten to hold her again or apologize. She could have died.

  That thought alone was enough to make him sick. He tried to focus on the task at hand, healing and helping her. He disinfected the wound and began to stitch her back together again. He was starting to feel like a fucked up frankenstine. Ok, that guy was already pretty fucked up on his own, but he still didnt feel good about what he was doing. Normally, he can do things like this pretty emotionlessly, but, it was her. And whenever she was involved, emotions most definitely were too. 

“Ok Dovey, you’re almost done. Second bullet, coming out now.” Keigo reassured her. Y/n was taken aback by the sudden warmness in his voice. Before, this had felt like a regular doctor visit of sorts. Sorta. But that was…really warm. It gave her what she needed to get through the last stretch. She grit her teeth on the rag, and nodded curtly, yelping much softer this time as the bullet was removed, and not at all as she was fused back together for the last time of the night.

“You did good.” Keigo praised. Y/n huffed out a laugh and dropped the rag out of her mouth. “God I’m so tired.” she groaned, slowly moving her body, testing to be assured that it all still functioned in mostly the same way. “Yea, I bet.” Keigo cooed softly, smoothing down her hair. “You can stay here tonight. If you want.” he added the last part as almost an afterthought. The former hero nodded, knowing better than to try to get herself home or even be alone in this state. Keigo took her into his arms and carried her to the bed they used to share, planning to take the couch tonight. He laid her down gently on her side, handling her as if she was a delicate flower, or butterly. Y/n hated it. She was more than capable, she just had a rough night.

“I'm going to go get you some water.” Keigo promised her, standing to go to the kitchen. “Wait, Keigo-!” Y/n weakly called after him, gently reaching out her hand to him. He turned around, but couldn't bring himself to return to her side. “Yes, Dove?” he asked, watching as she dropped her arm down. “I’m sorry.” Y/n spologized, refusing to make eye contact with him. “I- I shouldn't have just shown up at your door an-” Now Keigo was by her side, taking her hand in his. “Dont.” he whispered to her, his energy forcing her to look into his gilded eyes. “I’m glad you came. I dont know if you would have made it if you didn’t.”

Y/n stared hard into his eyes. They were always intense about something. About love, about hate, about life and about death. She wondered if Keigo ever felt anything at less than 100%, and had to marvel at just how insanely good he was at hiding how he truly felt, and tempering his emotions. Something she was sure the HPSC made sure of. She nodded to him, and settled back down as he released her hand. Keigo went to get the water.

The last fight conversation they had played in the back of his head like a broken record. Y/n had been working on an intense case. No one likes investigating human trafficking, but she was determined to bring it to an end. All she had ever wanted was to help people. And, during the case, she had started to change. She was more vocal about how being a hero does nothing. That it doesn't matter how many crooks you put away when they can just pay the right price and be out in a week. That the system was inherently corrupt. 

And generally speaking, Keigo agreed with her. It was incredibly frustrating being a hero, especially when you start trying to take down more big time criminals. But that wasn't an excuse to give up hope, and it doesn't mean that the work they did wasn't important. To just throw away the concept of being a hero as a whole was to throw away not only the good work that they do, but the hope that they gave to others. It was a point of contention between them.

And it all came to a head when Y/n discovered that a reasonably popular “hero” was at the head of it all. She did what, arguably, anyone would do, and killed him. The rumors spread quick that it was her, but the HPSC shut it down and changed the narrative quickly, if for no other reason than to save their own image. Suddenly, the new reality was that Y/n and the “hero” were working on the case together, and the asshole died in the line of duty, some even said protecting her. Behind closed doors, Y/n was stripped of her license, and forced to publically retire because of “trauma.” 

Keigo was more than willing to stand by her. Until she publicly exposed the hero and the commissions lie. Receipts and all, all over any social media you could think of. It started a more than heated fight between them. Hawks argued that the exposure was unnecessary. The criminal was dead, it didn't matter he couldn't hurt anyone again and it wasn't going to get her license back. All she effectively did was piss off the HPSC and now they were putting pressure on him to publicly denounce her, and stand by them. Y/n argued that his legacy as a great hero was undeserved and didn’t deserve to stand. That she refused to have her legacy tied to him forever. Hawks said she tied it there herself.

Yea. not his best moment. Thinking about it now still made his stomach turn. If he was honest with himself, he agreed with Y/n and was even proud of her for what she did. Her steadfast morals and extreme bravery is what made him fall for her to begin with. He was just upset with the position she put him in. Stuck between the person he loved and the organization that owned him. And wrongly took it out on her. He could still feel that horrible burning that set his chest ablaze as she stormed out the door. The instant regret he felt as he saw the tears spring to her eyes as the argument grew into a screaming match. It was the last time he saw her.

Until tonight that is. He knew she had gone full vigilante, the commission took it as their excuse to initiate the witch hunt. Hell, he could be marked as a traitor just for having her here. He returned to her side with apple juice instead of water. It felt more apt all things considered. Y/n looked at it and chuckled as she took it from his hand. “A piss cup, huh? You could just tell me to fuck off ya know.” Keigo rolled his eyes and chuckled, sitting on the other side of the bed. “Oh yea, for sure. Consider it payback for getting blood all over my bathroom.” “That was a gift, sir.” “What? The gift of having my bathroom look like a crime scene?” “Yep!” She smiled, taking a drink of the juice. “Just in time for Halloween! You're welcome.”

Keigo laughed. Her snark was almost as bright as she was. “Thank you.” he smiled softly at her. A silence settled over them. A loud silence. The elephant in the room demanded to be noticed. Finally, Keigo took an uncharacteristically shaky breath. “Y/n, i'm so-” “Keigo, yo-” “No, I do. Please let me finish. I was more than unfair to you. I was actually really awful. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I agree with you, I was just upset about the position I had been put in, and I completely missed the mark in communicating that. And I hurt you. And that's not fair to you at all, I..I’m so sorry.”

Y/n gently put her hand on his cheek and smiled at him, affection filling her eyes. “Thank you Keigo, I accept your apology.” she took her hand back and resettled into the bed. “Besides, I get it. You were pulled into a situation that wasn't really about you just because of your position in society. That..kinda happens a lot to you. It must really suck..” “It does.” he huffed, a half laugh to acknowledge the ridiculousness of it. “I noticed you never said anything after the uh…event.” Event? Yea Y/n, that was one way to put it. “Did those assholesd drop it?”

Keigo sighed and rolled his eyes. “No, they were pissed off at me when I refused to say anything. They put me on probation for a month and have been giving me hell since.” he shrugged. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Y/n asked, it would have saved him so much trouble. He shrugged again. “I mean, it’s not like we were publicly dating or anything. It didn’t involve me. And, well,” he sighed, “I just couldn't bring myself to publicly shit talk you. Not when you were right. And, more selfishly, I didn't want to, I donno, I guess taint what we had.” That made Y/n smile. “Yea. I liked what we had.”

“Y/n, I don’t want to lose you.” Keigo confessed, taking her hand gently. She looked at him, confused. “Hey man, I know tonight was a close call, but like, I’m not going to die or anything, anytime soon.” Y/n reassured him with a weak smile. He shook his head and looked her in her eyes. “That’s not what I met. Y/n, I can’t lose you again. I’m not used to needing people, or even wanting people around. But, these last few months without you have been hard, like, really hard. Harder than I ever could have expected. I miss you, everyday. I worry about you every second. Y/n, I need you.”

Y/n looked down, tears beginning to fill her eyes. “I miss you too Kei,” she confessed, “but, you know we cant be together again.” his heart shattered. “Why not? We were secret before, we can be a secret again.” Keigo argued. He didn't like the thought of her walking out of the door in the morning and never coming back in it. Or worse, only coming to him while on death's door. “Because Kei, you’re a hero. I’m not that anymore, I can never be that. I don't want to be that anymore. But, I'm not going to stop doing hero work, and that makes me a criminal. A highly wanted one at that.” Y/n reminded him, “me being here now puts you at risk, could you imagine the risk you’d be taking if we dated again?” She sighed. Everyone she once loved had a target on their back now. It was exhausting.

 Keigo shook his head, turning his body even more to face her. “It’s a risk I'm willing to take. You're worth the risk, Dove. I love you. Tonight was scary as Hell, the thought that we would have left off on that note is genuinely terrifying to me. I don't want to waste another day without you.” Y/n turned to him, but her eyes remained fixated on his scarlet sheets. “I mean, we wouldn't be leaving off on that note anymore-” “Y/n, come on.” Keigo sighed, “you know it’s not just that. It’s more than that. It's how empty this house feels without you, it’s the loneliness of waking up without you, it's the weight of knowing you’re out there, putting yourself in danger and having no one in your corner. I miss you Y/n, I miss us.” fuck, he was not about to cry right now. She looked up at him, both of them finally meeting tear filled eyes. “I understand the risk. I’m willing to take it.”

“Keigo,” Y/n took a deep breath. “I’m scared. I don't want you getting hurt because of me,” She confessed. Keigo gently placed his hand on her cheek, wiping one of her tears away with his thumb. “I’m a big boy.” he assured her, “I won’t get hurt. Let me be there for you Dove, please..” Y/n took a deep breath, and took a leap of faith. She leaned forward, ignoring the screaming in her side and kissed him. Keigos eyes got wide as he blushed, but quickly he melted into their kiss, eyes fluttering shut. It felt like it had been centuries since the last time he felt butterflies in his stomach, but here they were. Slowly, he reached his hand out to touch her side and pull her clos-

“OW ow ow!! Why?!” Y/n yelped, pulling back as Keigo realized what he had done. Keigo, you fucking birdbrain, SHE JUST GOT STITCHES.  “Oh my god, I'm so sorry!!” “You monster!” “I forgot!” “How do you forget frankenstining someone back together, birdbrain?!” “That's a wonderful question! I wish I had an answer for you!” Y/ns groans of pain slowly melted into laughter as the pain subsided. She eased back into a relaxing position on the bed. “You’re such a birdbrain, you know that?” she chuckled, shaking her head. 

“Only for you.” Keigo chuckled, eyes full of love and affection. “You’re so hot, you melt my brain.” he smirked. Y/n rolled her eyes, but still chuckled and threw a pillow at him. “Featherhead.” she muttered. Keigo laughed and gave her the pillow back. “Hot head.” he shot back. “You know it.” Y/n winked. “So..this means we’re together again, right?” Keigo asked hopefully. Y/n laughed and rolled her eyes. “Oh, no. I’ve just made it a habit of kissing all the men I come across.” “So what you’re saying is, I should have gone looking for you sooner.” Keigo joked back. Y/n giggled and nodded. “Yea, you should have.” she looked into his eyes again and smiled. “Yes featherhead, we’re together again. If I'm honest, I don’t think I’ve ever stopped being yours.” “I know I never stopped being yours.” he whispered, gently taking her into his arms. They stayed up a little longer, catching up on the drama of the last few months, making plans for the future. Keigo just couldn't believe she was in his arms again. He thought this moment was only possible in his dreams. But, here she was, slowly falling asleep in his arms. He covered them in a blanket, gently adjusting her to a more comfortable position. He couldn't sleep though. If this was a dream he didn't want to wake up. “I’m so glad you’re home.” He whispered to his ex-girlfriend's sleeping form. Finally, he turned off the light.

[kidhawks]

The training prolly wasn’t that abusive. More the lack of consent cause he’s a kid and prolly pushing more than should? Either way. It prolly wasn’t that happy.

similar to my thoughts! but I’d probably consider hawks’ training abuse in and of itself even if it was unintentional. though we don’t know the details, we can assume it at least wasn’t maliciously cruel because the hpsc wasn’t actually intending to traumatise a child (though they probs did anyway); they were doing what they thought was right for society (cool motive, still child abuse). because we know so little, i’m just making assumptions i think could be realistic given what we know of the hpsc and hawks’ own behaviour.

the entire thing is ethically wrong just from an objective standpoint. a child of six/seven cant consent to a lifetime of training. some ppl suggest he was trained “gently”, and although we don’t have much evidence for either argument, the commission has been presented so far as a “whatever it takes for the greater good” kind of organisation. because they’re intensely focused on creating a capable hero/agent, not a happy child, it’s easy to imagine hawks’ childhood was harsh at the very least. i mean.... the commission themselves said training would be rough, and i’m willing to bet that’s a polite understatement. “rough” we can infer to mean pushing past his limits, since they wouldn’t straight up tell a child he’s signing up to pain.

and we also know that the espionage training started young too, based on “it’s a good thing the commission taught me negotiation skills since I was a kid.” in some ways, teaching a child how to manipulate information out of people seems even more insidious than harsh physical training. we see the effects of it in how hawks acts—everything’s a front and everyone serves a purpose to him. he makes connections with the intent of using people as a means to an end, not to make friends, because he literally doesn’t know anything else. it’s what he was made for. he approached endeavor because he wanted to boost public trust in him; he picked tokoyami in order to learn about 1-a; he made “friends” with twice for information on the plf. and that doesn’t mean those relationships aren’t real to him, but they’re all founded in some level of deceit.

in terms of how the commission raised him, to me all this indicates that they specifically taught him not to get close to anyone. “i don’t make mistakes like getting too attached” especially supports this. to hawks, human relationships are “mistakes” because they get in the way of his intended purpose—to function as an effective, flawless tool for the commission. and he believes this completely (or at least does his best to convince himself). it’s so deeply engrained in him that i really have to believe it was taught from a young age. and that.... makes me feel a little ill. telling a child that human connection is a “mistake” is beyond messed up. they set him up to be isolated for life because it makes a better agent out of him.

......yeah anyway i don’t think the training was happy

[dabistits]

im super conflicted abt hawks atm but i was thinking abt his parallels with shigaraki and i was wondering kinda why there's a difference between wanting 'redemption' (i dont think this is the right word but i cant think of a better one 'want better' maybe?) for shigaraki but not for hawks? is it bc he made a permanent decision to kill twice as essentially an agent of the state?

Just to preface, I don’t think I’m objectively right for just wanting Hawks to eat shit immediately in the next chapter. I’m just complaining because a lot of people who “love both Hawks and Twice” and “think Hawks was wrong, but…” are hard to get away from without going in the other direction toward a group of people who have shitty fandom behavior, whose opinions about the Hawks/Twice situation are (unfortunately) much closer to my own. I don’t think there’s necessarily a “correct” way to feel about Hawks, but I feel differently than a lot of people I see around (who, ironically, are the ones insisting that there’s a “correct” way to feel about Hawks), and that’s frustrating. I want to be done with Hawks. I don’t want him to get any more focus in canon, I don’t want to see more posts about how Hawks committing murder is an indication of inner turmoil instead of him choosing a side, I don’t want to keep running into posts that tack on “but Hawks is also sad/a victim” in discussing what’s pretty clearly a tragedy for Jin and the LOV that Hawks was completely and 100% solely responsible for.

But, yeah, sure. I’ll also explain what I think is the difference between Tomura and Hawks:

1. Part of it is emotional and not logical for sure. I love Jin a lot. He embodies the person who has faced incredible adversity, and still comes out on the other side ready to love and open his heart to others, moreover to protect others. I’m not like that at all, but I think it’s very admirable. So in that sense, it hurts on a personal level to lose him over anyone else, and I can’t not associate that with Hawks, since he’s the killer.

2. Jin is a significant death. The nameless minions that Tomura has killed (many of whom were active “Quirk supremacists”) don’t mean anything to me compared to Jin, and?? Through the lens of narrative, I think that makes Tomura more forgivable, because I genuinely have no interest in there being any plot “resolution” with, like, the dead anti-mutant cultists, because I just do not care about them.

3. Tomura, especially early Tomura, has threatened to go places that are unforgivable, like leaving All Might’s students dead and forcibly bringing Bakugou over to their side (whatever terrible procedure that may have entailed). The difference is that the narrative never actually allowed him to cross that line by actually killing the kids, who we do care about as characters, so while the intent in itself is pretty awful, he was never allowed to complete the action that would take him over to the point of no return. Hawks, however, did cross the line by killing someone who we care about and who is narratively established as a “good person,” who even Hawks concedes is a good person.

3. a. I don’t like the MLA ideologically and I don’t like the decision to have the LOV team up with them. But, again, their takeover plan has been stopped in its tracks, which I’m actually fine with to prevent the LOV from crossing the moral event horizon, but that’s, like… completely irrelevant to me thinking Hawks shouldn’t have killed Jin.

3. b. Though there’s still a chance for Tomura to cross the moral event horizon, and I’m not going to convince myself that it won’t happen. If it’s going to happen, I think it’s highly possible that it might happen in this arc, because now Jin is dead and we know how Tomura and the LOV have historically responded to their friends getting hurt. I, and many others, have called Jin the “heart” of the LOV (his name is also literally written with the kanji for “benevolence”), and now without him, there is no remaining heart nor goodwill.

4. Although both Tomura and Hawks are, on one level, fighting on behalf of the ideals that they were “raised into,” their fights happen in very different ways. The MLA arc in particular made clear that the villains are, in part, fighting for their very survival in ways heroes just aren’t. The threat that the LOV were living under was constant—when it wasn’t heroes or other villain groups, it was trying to find money and shelter and essential upkeep. Hawks may not be “free” from the HPSC or the occasional villain attack, but he’s free from those constant material struggles. He’s not an “underdog.” 

4. a. Tomura is also, in part, fighting to protect his marginalized friends. It’s for sure not on behalf of every marginalized person, but it’s certainly more than we’ve seen any pro hero fight for. The people Tomura is surrounded with are people who have never been protected nor cared for before, because they were not deemed “innocent” enough to deserve that care and protection, and Tomura continued to care for them even when it was troublesome for him to do so, when they disagreed with him, when they threatened him, and when they fucked up very, very badly. 

4. a. i. Eri is an example of a victim who the heroes fought for, but she’s an easy case to want to love and protect: Overhaul was inarguably an abuser who wanted to elevate the yakuza, she was being used in extended torture-experiment sessions, she killed her father on accident, she’s a child, she’s innocent, she’s selfless, she’s well-behaved. It’s basically not even a question whether or not she “deserves” help.

4. b. It’s people who are difficult who get overlooked. Hawks and hero society are completely unprepared to protect and care for people who don’t behave as they’re supposed to. Hawks did not care for the LOV who didn’t personally befriend him. For the one he did, when Jin didn’t cooperate the way Hawks wanted, he went for the kill. It’s either being easy and “manageable,” or die.

4. b. i. Tomura has specifically spared two people who tried to kill him or actually succeeded in killing his ally, people who he explicitly hated or did not care for. So make of that what you will, I guess.

5. From a leftist perspective, it’s just impossible not to account for the fact that Hawks helps maintain a social structure that creates so much suffering. The question isn’t really whether AFO’s teachings to Tomura are better (they’re not, and I want Tomura to break away from them), but it can’t really be ignored that Hawks is enforcing an ideal that’s wildly popular. Why this matters is that Tomura doing the wrong things will be roundly condemned, and he’ll probably be “punished” for them; but heroes are very unlikely to be punished or held accountable for committing murder, especially if it’s “justified.” 

5. a. This is problematic because it allows heroes, and the state, to define what a justified “emergency situation” is, and who can die in those emergencies. The people who are deemed killable “in an emergency” are usually those who are already marginalized; hence heroes can wait until those marginalized people get desperate enough to commit villainous acts, and then they can swoop in to arrest or kill them to widespread public acclaim.

5. b. Heroes (and law enforcement IRL) don’t address the roots of crime that lie in overarching oppressive structures like misogyny and capitalism. They don’t prevent theft by bringing people financial stability; they arrest people who were desperate enough to steal, and use those people to send a message to poor people everywhere. They make these conditions of desperation more permanent by punishing the most vulnerable people when they slip up, while doing absolutely nothing until the slip-up happens.

5. c. Heroes are punching down, and villains are punching up. That may not be the case with AFO, but I believe it with the LOV specifically, and I believe this matters because it’s exemplified between Hawks and Twice. Hawks targets someone who reached out to him, despite being hurt over and over again by types like him, who has dealt with poverty and fantasy mentally illness completely on his own, and kills him in defense of the very society that allowed all those things to happen to Jin. Hawks was given a choice: sympathize and relate to Jin, and acknowledge his well-founded grievances toward a dysfunctional society, or prioritize the safety and security of that dysfunctional society by permanently removing Jin from the equation. The choice he believes in is the choice he made.

5. d. In order for Tomura to make the same choice with the same implications, they’d have to be living in an alternate universe, in the Kingdom of AFO, where Tomura is a respected noble who infiltrates a rebel group who were going to “commit atrocities,” kills the one person who offered him a way out of AFO’s control, and possibly screws the rebels altogether, but everyone is happy that the rebels are gone. Even if you think Tomura is capable of that, it’s irrelevant because canon!BNHA has completely different power dynamics. Because Tomura’s violence will always be unpopular and persecuted, rather than justified and glorified by the state, he physically cannot replicate a choice like Hawks’. Tomura can approximate it, but even if he does, he’ll be hunted down by heroes for doing so. The circumstances and consequences for making such a choice are totally different.

So. That’s why I don’t think Tomura and Hawks can be equated. Suggesting that this is a level playing field is essentially believing that criminals and law enforcement exist on level playing fields, and they absolutely do not at all. Hawks is particularly abhorrent because he’s already followed through with his choice. He holds power by being part of the policing class, and regardless of how he came into it, he behaves exactly the same as everyone else who “freely” joined, and in his position of power he made the choice to eliminate someone who was socially powerless.

[rehziria]

Takami

So... I like to think Takami the thief was stealing to help their sick son. I saw several posts about Horikoshi basing Hawks’s childhood after a soccer player named Lionel Messi who was sickly. FC Barcelona offered to pay for his medical expenses if he played for them. Maybe Keigo was also sickly then? In his flashback though, the HPSC doesn’t mention anything about it. So maybe it came into play in a different way? Maybe Takami was stealing to pay Keigo’s medical bills. But maybe it wasn’t enough, so when they saw Keigo’s quirk they realized they could have an easier time stealing and thus paying Keigo’s bills. Many people in BNHA becomes villains, especially thieves, when their desperate. Not just when their angry. So what if Takami was just that? Desperate. And when their son could help them solve their problem, well why not? They could keep them safe anyway. -- So here’s my extensive stupid idea as to why I think this. 1st. - Keigo was already amazing at using his quirk at such a young age. And yea, that could mean he was just a prodigy. But maybe he wasn’t?  2nd. - We also know that according to baby Hawks, he was saved, most likely by Endeavor since he’s looking at the Endeavor doll while he speaks. 3rd. If we look at current Hawks when he’s talking to Twice, we see a baby Hawks surrounded by pieces of rubble barely peeking out from behind the speech bubble. It looks like maybe this is the scene where Endeavor saved him and it must have been a pretty big fight to have rubble everywhere. (Although Endeavor does overdue things.) Now it’s possible this was some random villain attack and Keigo happened to be there. But what if it wasn’t random? 4th. Everything Horikoshi does seems to have a reason. Name drops are no exception. So why would Ending mention Takami the thief? Well most would say to point out that Hawks had a parent that was a thief and that makes him the opposite of Dabi who’s a villain with a Hero parent. But maybe it was another clue to something else. ----So listen. I’m going to try and put my thoughts out here to try and explain my dumb energy. This is going to go all over the place because I suck at English. I’m sorry in advance. But I want to touch on my reasons for Keigo being used and the thief Takami themselves. --First is Takami and their quirk. Quirks can be several things. A combination of the two parental quirks. (like Bakugou) -extremely common A complete copy. (I think this actually ain’t that common)  A completely new, mutation type quirk. (like Eri) -extremely rare If we’re going with the more common seen one. That would be the combination. Now that would mean for Keigo. One parent had wings (bigger or smaller) and the other had telekinesis. I personally like Takami having wings, but unless they can also detach them and stuff, they probably had telekinesis; since wings wouldn’t be great for stealing and hard to hide. Plus with a telekinesis quirk, grabbing things and running is easy. Now was it a strong telekinesis? Meaning possibly throwing vending machines or even cars at people. Or was it weak and similar to Inko Midoriya, only able to throw small and light objects. Honestly? I’m going to go with it was actually pretty strong. Ending mentions how bright and crazy Endeavor’s flames were when he captured the thief Takami. Which means whoever Takami was and whatever quirk they had, it was pretty dang strong or they were at least really skilled to get Endeavor to use his flames a lot.  --Now back to Keigo. So Takami sees Keigo able to use his feathers like they uses objects and BAM IDEA. Let’s use these feathers as a distraction or smokescreen kind of effect. And if they discovered he could sharpen them, well things just get better from there. A flurry of dagger-like feathers is actually kind terrifying and can cause a lot of confusion.  So Takami gets this brilliant idea and tells Keigo he’s going to start helping them steal. Keigo doesn’t want to though, he knows even at this age it’s wrong and villains hurt people. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody. Takami doesn’t care and uses grown up logic or threats to convince Keigo to do it anyway. --So they start stealing all sorts of things, Keigo being miserable the entire time. People are confused and scared because Takami was already a problem and now they’ve got this kid with them using dagger feathers on people. Endeavor get’s called in because he can certainly handle it.  Takami and him fight and Endeavor of course wins. Takami is arrested and Keigo is ‘saved’ from a life he didn’t want and a parent who didn’t seem to care about him. Endeavor is seen as something amazing at this point. Somebody that beats up bad guys and shines brightly while doing so. Keigo wants to be like that. Nobody is probably going to read the whole thing because I’m sure it’s painful to read through. But I thank you to anyone that does! I spent over an hour trying to make this readable. Also... I wonder if Ending was friends with Takami? My brain thought about it one day. Like Takami had a small gang of fellow thieves. Probably not, but that’s a thing now. lol

[hopelesshawks]

Physical Fatality Part 7- Good For You

18+ Hawks x fem, pro hero!reader

Summary: You’re a rising star in All Might’s agency. Hawks is the darling of Endeavor’s. By virtue of your job descriptions, the two of you are supposed to hate each other, or at the very least be cautiously neutral. For a long time that’s exactly what the two of you did. You stayed out of each other’s way and formed little opinion of the other. One fateful night at an HPSC gala changes all that. Based on the album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom by Halsey.

If you don’t want to see Physical Fatality content blacklist #hopelesspf

This story will have multiple NSFW parts so it is 18+ ONLY minors dni

Warning for alcoholism

Masterlist

The next month or so is pure bliss. With Hawks fully committed the weird moments of distance have stopped and with them so has the fighting. Not to say that it’s easy, task force work has meant some nights where you have to sleep in different cities or you work opposing shifts so you don’t have time to see each other. Even still, the two of you make it work.

Hawks is good for you. Your nightly routine used to almost always involve at least a few drinks. At first it was a way to keep nightmares away, then it was a way to cope with Monoma’s criticisms, and eventually it became a habit. Now your nightly routine has joint showers or bubble baths, music playing over speakers, gentle kisses and even gentler touches. One night, after you mentioned that your mother’s favorite song had been Put Your Head On My Shoulder by Paul Anka, Hawks had insisted on putting it on and slow dancing around your kitchen. Mina had walked in on the two of you and absolutely swooned at the sight. You’d sworn her to secrecy but the minute she realized Bakugo also knew she’d begged Kirishima for Bakugo’s number so she could gush about how precious you and Hawks are. The explosive blonde doesn’t appreciate Mina’s excessive messaging but he puts up with it because in all honesty he and Midoriya are both proud of you. So proud, in fact, that they brought a cupcake with a little candle on it to work for you to celebrate one month of sobriety. You mostly certainly did not cry no matter what anyone else says.

You’re good for Hawks too. For once he’s appreciating life outside of work. He looks forward to the moment he can sneak into your apartment or you his, and just spend time together just the two of you. It’s to the point where he just doesn’t sleep the same when you’re not in his arms. He loves collecting little facts about you, like how you look first thing in the morning and what you like for breakfast and what playlist you listen to when you’re getting dressed. He wants to catalogue every tiny detail about you. He wonders if, under normal circumstances, you’d like PDA. If he didn’t work for Endeavor and you didn’t work for All Might would you love holding his hand or let him wrap his arm around you as you walked? With each passing day Hawks hates more and more the fact that he can’t announce his love for you to the world. He takes what can get and enjoys the stolen moments, but not being able to enjoy casual affection with you outside of the task force and the privacy of your own homes is difficult. Which is probably why, when he spots you walking towards All Might’s agency as he’s flying there himself, he decides another stolen moment can’t hurt.

He spots an alley a little ahead of you and decides to drop in for one last stolen moment before you shift into work mode. As he lands he sends a couple feathers to you to let you know where he is. You follow them into the alley and the moment you’re in view Hawks reaches out to grasp your forearm and pull you into him, pressing a kiss to your lips. You sink into it for a moment as Hawks wraps his arms around your waist but then you gently push him back. “What if someone sees?” you ask, looking back behind you out towards the street, but Hawks gently grasps your chin and turns you back to face him. “No one will see Dove,” he assures you before pressing you to the wall to kiss you again. You have to admit it’s hard to say no when he’s on you like this so you relax into it and let yourself just enjoy the affection and his gentle touches. You feel your phone buzz in your pocket and pull away to check it, finding a text from Midoriya letting you know he would be getting to the agency soon. “We should go,” you tell Hawks. “I don’t want to though,” he whines. You roll your eyes and push him back gently. “Come on, we’ve got hero work to do,” you laugh and Hawks relents, aware that you’re right and these stolen moments can’t last forever. But as he watches you walk out the alley he’s struck with the thought that he’s really sick of the secrecy. He’ll tell Endeavor after the meeting, he decides, and then tonight he’ll talk with you about it.

Tokoyami has finally confirmed that the group he’s been following were the culprits behind the attempted attack. He was able to link a few members to maintenance workers on shift the night in question and then cross checked their identities against security cam footage. It was still unclear who was running the whole operation so there was certainly more work to be done and you all would have to tread carefully in your surveillance from now on, but at least it’s clear who to watch. The meeting ends after all of you have hashed out a new surveillance schedule. As everyone gets ready to head out Hawks stops you. “Hey, I need to swing by Endeavor’s, but afterwards can we talk?” he asks. “Sure. Mina is having people over so I’ll meet you at your place,” you reply easily. “Great, I’ll catch you later,” Hawks says before leaving the room. He mentally prepares himself for whatever the fallout with Endeavor will be as he heads out the building and then takes off to the other side of town.

He didn’t expect to be nervous standing outside Endeavor’s office. He didn’t need Endeavor’s approval to date you and he was well aware that Endeavor was typically anything but rational when it came to All Might and all those associated. Still, a traitorously optimistic part of him wants his loyalty to Endeavor to be rewarded with acceptance of his love for you. He doesn’t need or want a new father, but he won’t deny the somewhat paternal nature of his relationship with his mentor. So maybe that’s why he has to take a deep breath to steel himself before he reaches up and knocks on Endeavor’s door.

“Come in,” comes the gruff voice from behind the door. Hawks walks in to find Endeavor sitting at his desk leafing through the day’s incident reports. “I need to talk to you about something important,” Hawks states, not bothering to beat around the bush. “What is it?” Endeavor asks, his eyes not straying from the papers in front of him. “I’m seeing someone,” Hawks says. “Your personal life is really none of my business Hawks.” “I’m glad you think that way because I’m seeing Artemis from All Might’s agency.” Endeavor freezes, placing the papers down and finally giving Hawks his attention. “I beg your pardon?” he asks. “I’m dating (y/n) (y/l/n), aka Artemis, of All Might’s agency,” Hawks repeats. “I put you on that task force to catch terrorists not flirt with our rivals.” “She and I met before the formation of the task force. Both of us being assigned to it was a coincidence.” “Really?” “Really.” “I don’t believe you Hawks.” “I can tell you the whole story if you want?” “Very well.”

And that’s exactly what Hawks does. He tells a, PG-13, version of you and his love story from that first fateful moment he talked to you at the gala to today, and all the beautiful moments in between. That optimistic part of him hopes that maybe, if Endeavor just understands how much he loves you, then maybe he won’t freak out over this. “You really love her don’t you? More than those other women?” Endeavor asks and Hawks feels a glimmer of hope as he replies “I do,” without a second thought. He doesn’t know how exactly he expected Endeavor to react. He certainly wasn’t expecting the reaction he got. “I thought you were smarter than this Hawks,” Endeavor sighs. “Excuse me?” Hawks asks. “I should have known a young, pretty upstart from his agency would pull something like this. Hawks she’s using you,” Endeavor insists. Hawks reels back as if struck and immediately he’s filled with an anger he’s never felt for his mentor before. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he warns icily. “If she’s so in love with you why all the secrecy?” Endeavor presses. “She got out of an engagement to Monoma recently and she can’t afford a bad headline,” Hawks defends. “Or is it that she doesn’t want the press to find out she’s using you. Awfully convenient isn’t it? That she didn’t leave her fiancé until after she had usurped him in the hero rankings.” “It isn’t like that, she didn’t even know who I was when we met.” “Don’t be so naive. How could she not know it was you Hawks? How many other heroes do you know with bright red wings.” Hawks doesn’t have a response for that. It’s a good point. He hates that it’s a good point. “I think she clocked you at the gala, then decided to further capitalize when she realized you were also on the task force. I know my son and his friends may have convinced you that the feud is only in my and All Might’s heads now, but I assure you it is alive and well amongst the vast majority of the heroes in our agencies. Lose the girl, Hawks,” Endeavor insists. “And if I say no?” Hawks asks, and he can feel his heart breaking because Endeavor has a point but he wants so desperately for him to be wrong. “If you say no then I’ll know you’re compromised and will have no choice but to pull you from the task force and reconsider your current position within this agency. I wouldn’t be able to trust you not to leak information to Artemis. Have I made myself clear?” “Crystal.” “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow Hawks.”

Hawks turns and leaves in a fog. Is it possible Endeavor is right? Has this been a game to you this whole time? He thought it himself that first day of the task force, the lower ranks of both agencies are still deeply entrenched in the rivalry. That had been your day-to-day up until what, a year ago? Of course you’d be more likely to believe in the rivalry and the stereotypes than Bakugo and Midoriya. And sure, it made sense that you would want to keep the relationship a secret when barely a day had passed since your broken engagement but it’s been months now. Surely if you care as deeply for him as he does you, you’d be eager to let the world know. Surely sufficient time has passed for the two of you to declare your love without you taking heat for it. Not to mention that Endeavor is right about Hawks’ identity not exactly being a secret in any scenario precisely because of his wings. There’s no way you couldn’t have known who he was, so why pretend as if you didn’t if not to take advantage of him? The questions turn over and over in Hawks’ head as he makes his way home. Even once there he paces his living room trying to find any way for all the pieces to fit together that doesn’t point to you using him. If things were different, Hawks may have played things out anyway, let himself cautiously believe in your love and wait for a betrayal. But Endeavor had made it clear that continuing his love affair with you would have dire consequences for his career and if you don’t love him all he’ll have left is his career.

There’s a knock on the door.

It’s you.

Of course it’s you....

He had almost forgotten he asked you to talk after he ran his errand at Endeavor’s agency. He was hoping for more time but he supposes now is as good a time as any to rip off the bandage. God his heart hurts. His heart hurts so goddamn much but he knows what he has to do.

He should’ve known better than to believe in fairytales.

He opens the door for you and immediately you can tell something’s wrong. “Hey I uh tried calling to double check if you were home yet but you weren’t picking up so I just swung by,” you explain sheepishly, the weird energy coming from Hawks making you anxious. “We need to talk,” Hawks says and the way he says it is ominous. You can feel your heart sinking and you hate it. What went wrong? Just this morning things were perfect. “I can sometimes treat the people that I love like jewelry,” Hawks admits, but he won’t look at you as he does so. “What does that mean Kei? What’s going on?” you ask and Hawks flinches when you reference his real name. He’s never done that before. You just want to understand what’s going on in that head of his but he’s blank in a way you haven’t seen in a long time. “I try them on and change my mind each day about them. I didn’t mean to try you on (y/n), it just happened,” he confesses. Your heart sinks even further.

It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It was true of the previous women he’d dated, yes, but the reason he knows that now is precisely because it was always different with you. He knows your birthday and your mother’s favorite song. You know his past and real name. God he hates this but he always does it. He runs away when things are good because he’s scared of what will happen and he always has regrets afterwards. Not this time, he reminds himself, because you’ve been faking this whole time. And of course you were. He never understood the way you laid your eyes on him in ways that no one else ever could. Never understood how you could see past the broken pieces of him. “I don’t love you anymore,” he lies and each word is ash on his tongue and he needs to see your reaction now so he can know he did the right thing. He needs the final confirmation of your betrayal. But oh how wrong he is. When he finally looks at you his heart fractures far worse than if Endeavor were right, because you look how he feels right now. God you look absolutely crushed. But it’s not like he can take anything he’s said back now. It’s too late. It’s too late and so it seems he’s broken your heart and his own. His ignorance and faith in Endeavor have struck again. He failed to see or believe that you loved him as much as you claimed and now he’s torn you open.

“I’m sorry,” he says but he doesn’t elaborate on what he’s sorry for. He knows you’ll fill in the blanks incorrectly but it’s what he deserves for having such little faith in you. You’ll think he’s sorry for falling out of love with you but that’s not it at all. He’s sorry that he can’t believe that anybody ever really falls in love with him. He’s sorry he was so blind he couldn’t see that there was no way you could ever be faking what the two of you had. He didn’t mean to leave you and all of the things the two of you had behind, but it’s too late now to take it back. “Keigo please,” you beg and you sound small and broken in a way he has never once seen you. “Someone will love you (y/n), but someone isn’t me,” he says and it’s the final nail in a coffin of his own creation. “Fuck you Hawks,” is the last thing you spit out before storming out of his apartment. Someone will love you, he assures himself. It hurts now but someday, someone will love you that deserves you. That someone just isn’t him it seems. He keeps trying to convince himself of that as he numbly goes to his empty bed.

You don’t remember anything about the walk home. You move as if through a void, nothing else around you, nothing else matters. All that you can feel and perceive is the pain in your chest. How could he just fall out of love with you? You know his love was genuine, you know it from the bottom of your heart because he wasn’t lying about no one knowing his real name. He wasn’t lying about his past being a secret. Yet he had trusted you with all of it. So why was he abandoning you now? It doesn’t make sense. None of it does. All you know is that it fucking hurts. When you finally get to your apartment, you ignore Mina and her company and head straight for your kitchen, grabbing a bottle of liquor you can’t even bother to properly identify before heading to your room and locking yourself in. You sit down on your bed and the pain is still hollowing you out so you drink.

And you drink.

And you drink...

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry

Taglist [open]: @akkaso @cathy8taffy @eeppff @iikillerkitteh @pixelwisp

[kidhawks]

What are your hcs on Hawks and makeup? I think for his media-pleasing persona and spy-work he would be a professional, he's been taught to do it. I think he may cover a lot of additional markings which may be considered as defects to the public( the HPSC) like freckles and bird markings.

ahhhh i loved this trope as soon as i first read it in fic. i love drawing freckled hawks so like... big yes on him covering them up to maintain that perfect image! i also think he’s probably tired a lot and generally just has, y’know, normal human blemishes, but as a public figure that relies heavily on his looks he can’t walk around with eye bags. so lots of concealer :’(

you’re the spy hawks expert here but i love the idea of him using make up to hide his identity! it’s actually pretty easy to take on a different persona with just a simple inconspicuous disguise and different mannerisms (yes i watched a video on this by an ex CIA chief, not actually for hawks reasons surprisingly, but now its knowledge that won’t leave). bc his main persona is cocky and attention seeking some simple makeup and a more withdrawn personality would probs be enough for him (and removing his wings). i’m addicted to the concept of hawks switching suddenly btwn personalities like those cool movie scenes haha.

on covering bird markings!!! that angsty idea where maybe initially the hpsc wanted him to cover his eye markings because they do give him a predatory look, and also could be considered too “girlish” (not sure where gender views are at in the bnha universe but since it’s not something i expect hori has though abt much, i’d say not too different from modern society). he fought it, convinced them to let him have his markings, and it worked for the better bc his target demographic (10-20 yr olds, especially women) find it cute/handsome. sometimes i do thank hori for giving the bird natural eyeliner. #blessed