#It was legit him and Matty at the start have some respect

[sidekickjoey]

Waking up to see The 1975 stan twitter saying Ross & Adam are lazy makes me want to chew off my arm and use it to fight fhkshd like excuse me we talk kindly about legends here

[thedenfantasyleague]

The Den Fantasy League Recap: Week 6

Gentlemen, 

Yesterday was a swift kick to the nuts. I had my worst week of fantasy capped off by a MNF loss and then immediately followed by a Dodger loss in the NLCS. I’ll admit, I’m coming into this recap at my lowest point this season but I need to be strong for my league: onto the recap. 

Wilmore Cinderella v. The Perfect Ten

In this matchup of our previous champs, we can only say one thing: Oh no, E. Starting off a season 0-6 isn’t what you want to see out of a defending champion. The question is: will this continue? He didn’t find a lot in his Texans with a combined 8.6 from Deshaun and Fuller. In fact, only two of his players amassed double digits: Zeke and Julio. The worst part? He was beaten by one of his own. JP and his newly acquired Melvin made E this week’s biggest loser. In fact, Melvin had almost half of E’s total on his own. Combine that with over twenty points from the fill-in Latavius Jarrod needed a few people to surpass E and send him to the BL interview. 

Team Timshel v. Hank Mardukas

Don’t look now but Mike is on a roll. Mike had four guys hit 11.4 which would have some teams worried, however, he had plenty of firepower alongside them. With big games from Jameis, ARob, Jimmy, Raven’s D, and the newly acquired Conner, Mike almost made Scott the BL again. Scott’s interview was saved by Mike’s mercy and Butker’s big leg. Scott also can find a little bit of hope in repeat performances from Wentz, Sony, and Keenan. Scott’s flirted with victory and a spot at the BL table while Mike continues to surge. Will they continue at their respective trajectories? 

Kalabar’s Revenge v. Fire Jarn

Kalabar’s Revenge almost ended up at the interview in October? Rob, who is now 5-1, almost sent him there? You can’t count anything out in Fantasy. In fact, if Rob plays Goodwin, it almost guarantees a spot at the table for G. G was lucky enough to have his Patriots (Brady, Gronk, and Stevie G) keep him around; add that with surprising games from Clement and Vikings D, hitting 109+ isn’t a bad feat. Unfortunately, G’s 109 couldn’t make Rob’s 127 worry. Rubbie is shocking the world right now and had one of his best weeks without Alvin in the lineup. How’d he do it? Huge games from Cam, Mixon, Tyreek, Boyd, White, and Hopkins. I think we’re at a point we can say it: Kalabar’s Revenge may not be the October powerhouse we thought he was. The other question: Is Rubbie legit? To be honest, I don’t know. I’m waiting for him to blow it but only time will tell. 

2-2-1 (0.500) PVO v. Debbie Rowe

A team desperately needing a win v. a team who has sat down with yours truly multiple times for his interview. Dylan had two twenty-point outings from his kicker (Maher) and that triple-B Rodgers. The biggest surprise from Dyl’s team: Eric Freakin’ Ebron. Ebron has four TDs in his last three games, a surprise no one saw coming. Jake started out at 3-1 but now has seen himself fall back to .500. Honestly, I thought Jake sealed it with Creamy’s big Sunday night but boy was I wrong. I wouldn’t have been a fight without Creamy, Matty Ice, Funch, and Chargers D. These are two teams still trying to find their identity. 

Virginia Reel Rockets v. Mr. Magorium

With our second biggest blowout of the week, Gabe was almost back on track of making his opponents the Biggest Loser. Al owes E a favor for taking the throne in his place. Interestingly enough, both of teams had a similar amount of players not hit double figures. However, Gabe’s team could’ve sacrificed his top scorer (Gurley, 34.5) and could’ve still won. Al had good games from Kirk, Collins, DeAndrea, Ertz, Texans D, and Bailey but there is cause for concern: is Cooper going to be out for a while? Gabe, with the aforementioned Gurley, had plenty of other high-point performers (Dalton, Saquon, Juju, Hooper, and Shady) to seal his league-high fifth win. 

Inglorious Staffords v. VP

This week sucked. I’ll admit, I overlooked this game. It was: a trap game. My lead was slipping away all evening yesterday and my worry started to set in. I thought I was in a good position with the support of Russ, Thielen, and Bryant but Mahomes stole the life out of me Sunday night. I thought the points on my bench wouldn’t hurt me but boy was I wrong. Vinny’s primetime players did their job in primetime. Mahomes was Mahomes and that triple-B Rodgers ruined my week by feeding Vinny’s Davante. I want to go on the record and say: I’m not hitting the panic button. With that being said, everyone on my team is for sale (except Stafford, Thielen, and Kelce zone). 

Week Seven Matchups

Inglorious Staffords (2-4) v. Team Timshel (5-1)

Fire Jarn (5-1) v. 2-2-1 (0.500) PVO (2-4)

The Perfect Ten (0-6) v. Kalabar’s Revenge (3-3) *America’s Game of the Century of the Week*

Mr. Magorium (5-1) v. Wilmore Cinderella (3-3)

Debbie Rowe (3-3) v. VP (2-4)

Hank Mardukas (2-4) v. Virginia Reel Rockets (4-2)

The Biggest Loser

This week we once again have a repeat offender. E is back but this time with some BOLD claims. (Hint: he calls out October’s Very Own.)

Good luck to everyone as we enter week seven. We’re halfway there and livin on a prayer. Set your lineups accordingly.

Your beloved Commissioner,

Jared R. Mosqueda 

[sceawere]

understanding | luca changretta

sequel to ‘risk’

Matteo was at the steps of the hotel to meet your car, opening your door for you as it pulled up.

“Guess I missed my chance, huh?” he joked, helping you out. You laughed and gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Don’t worry, Matty boy. With gentlemanly manners like that, you’ll be snapped up soon enough” he frowned at your words, but laughed still.

“Don’t ever call me that again” he said, turning to climb the steps up to the imposing doorway. You followed up, heels clacking on the damp stone.

“What’cha gonna do about it, huh, tough guy?” you knocked his shoulder as he opened the door for you and nearly missed the eyeroll he gave you, only catching it because you gave a dramatic turn. You smiled as he shook his head, looking over your shoulder as you stepped backwards into the lobby.

“I remember the first time you came here, you were like a little mouse” he pinched his fingers together in front of him “now you’re sounding your mouth off like that”

“I threatened to pull your friends eyes out” you reminded him, and he shrugged.

“Yeah, but you were very polite about it. You asked him nicely, like a lady” he looked down at you with a slight smirk and you returned it.

“Well, I am, as I was then, incredibly nervous” you sighed, shifting your weight from foot to foot, rolling on your toes slightly in the plush carpeting beneath you both.

“Don’t be” he lifted an arm for you to take, hooking your elbow through his “Boss is a good man. He won’t bite”

You tilted your head at the lilt in his tone, the smirk that grew. Another sigh as you both turned was quickly replaced by a sharp intake of breath and a noise of complaint from Matteo as you shoved him back into an alcove.

“Woah, sweetheart- “

“Shit, fuck, and shitty fuck” you whispered out a trail of curses, dipping your head to rest on his lapel.

“Ok…what’s- “

“Those men work for Tommy – well, with Tommy, sort of, kind of. Everyone works for Tommy really, I guess” you whispered to him, leaning back to peer around a well-placed plant that formed a veil between you and them. They were stood together in a group of five or six men, some you recognised, some you didn’t.

You were dipped back, as though you were dancing, when Matteo leaned forward to take a peek as well. You turned your head to him, frowning, and trying to catch his eye. When he did see you, he shrugged, and you sighed. You pushed him back, gripping the lapels of his coat, and swinging you both round to switch places so he could look at the men better. You frowned, patting his chest, as he eyed up the situation.

“Is that a gun?” you whispered.

“Course it’s a gun” he tutted, throwing a look your way.

“My head was right there!” you protested, and he rolled his eyes.

“The safety’s on, what you take me for? Just because you lot are living out in the wild west, doesn’t mean- “

He turned quickly as they turned as a group, one of the men pointing up at a portrait on the wall next to the alcove.

“How many of them have I got to shoot?” Matteo asked, the two of you keeping eye to eye, trying to look like young lovers having a moment, rather than members of rival factions trying to hide behind a potted plant.

“None of them!” you whispered back, outraged. You made sure to exaggerate each word, your face screwed up.

“Any of them go running back to Tommy, and- “

“When I said they worked for him, I meant for the company. Like that guy- “you nodded to one of the older men “runs a frickin’ paint company for goodness sake. He gave me a lecture on the history of tint chemistry one time, he’s not shooting up anyone”

You sighed, looking over at the door as rain started to patter against the glass. You hoped it wouldn’t bother the men, and that they’d leave soon enough, so you could scurry up the stairs and hide in shame for the rest of the night.

“They’re legit business men, ok? I’m not even sure they know Tommy’s Tommy. I mean, they must know, I guess. But you know, whether they understand, whether they care, I don’t… know what I’m even trying to explain. Regardless- “you re-adjusted your grip on his lapels “I go to the galas and stuff sometimes, Tommy gets bored of trying to act all proper and respectable, and the executives sometimes need a pretty face to open up their contracts, so…they’ll recognise me. Is all. And all it takes is them dropping a ‘oh, I saw you at the hotel!’ in front of Tommy and we’re done”

“Well, we can’t stand in the shrubbery all night” he snarked, and you scowled up at him.

“Is there a side-entrance? Can we go up the service stairs or something?”

“No, the kitchens and deliveries are at the back”

“Then let’s go that way”

“Did you hear me? There’s no side-entrance. It’s a 3 miles round trip through town and back to get to that door from the outside”

“I think you’re exaggerating slightly” you droned, and he flicked a brow at you.

“We specifically picked a place with as few easily-accessible external doors as possible, you get me?”

You sighed, leaning back against the wall.

“Well, there has to be another way around this. We can’t stand in the shrubbery all night” you agreed.

-

“What the hell happened to you” Luca asked of Matteo as he shepherded you into the room. You were both dripping wet, Matteo wrestling his coat off and lifting his arms as he looked down at his spoiled suit.

“Blinders in the lobby. We had to go back out and around the back way to avoid being seen. Only problem is, the only way to get in the back entrance is to circle the whole block, and go down an alley to the service entrance” he motioned the route with his hands, movements frantic with frustration, as you abandoned all hope of saving your outfit and toed your shoes off and kicked them away with a huff “could have sailed our way straight up to that window, the amount of water falling out there. Probably would’ve been quicker, how the hell do they not have a shorter way to-”

Both men’s eye turned to you as you let out a noise of frustration, flapping your arms that were stuck in the wet fabric of the sleeves. Finally, they gave way and your coat slumped to the floor. You sighed heavily again, shifting your weight onto one hip as Luca looked you over. Your shoes were strewn a metre away, your coat crumpled on the floor. The hem of your silky dress was splashed with mud and dripping onto the fancy carpet below your bare feet. Your hair was soaked through, probably tatty from where you’d squeezed the curls of their excess water. You gave another deep sigh as Matteo smirked and dipped his head to keep his laughter to himself.

“I look like a drowned rat” you complained.

“Prettiest one I’ve ever seen” Luca replied, a light smile on his face as he stepped over to you. You frowned up at him, pouting as you looked down at your ruined outfit, and contrasted it with his pristine suit.

“I looked like a girl from the pictures” you explained, disappointment heavy in your tone.

“I know you did” he laid a hand on your hair as you sulked, leaning around him when you heard one of Matteo’s soft chuckles.

“I take back everything I said about you being a gentleman!” he raised his hands in defence, smile still wide into his cheeks. He kept his arms up in surrender as he walked over to the door, scooping up his own damp coat on his way.

“Enjoy your dinner!” he said, pulling the door shut behind him.

You took a deep breathe, swinging your head back to Luca, who was smiling softly as he looked you over again.

“Don’t” you whispered.

“I didn’t say anything” he motioned across his lips “not a word”

He turned and made his way through the room to another door, and by the tiles you saw on the wall, you assumed it was a bathroom. You looked down, pinching the fabric at your thighs to lightly lift the hem of your skirt away from your ankles, tutting at the state of it. This carpet was far too nice to be dripping puddle water all over, and you looked around for somewhere else to stand.

“Here” Luca returned, holding a towel outstretched to you. You dropped your grip and took it from him, dabbing it over your face, and patting it over the ends of your hair.

“I can’t…” you looked down at the sodden fabric “this dress is done”

You avoided his gaze, eyes to the ends of your hair, and then your arms as you patted them off too.

“Well, I don’t have any pretty dresses lying around…” you looked up to him, and he smiled at your unimpressed expression “but I should have a shirt or two around here somewhere you can borrow”

You bit your lip, dropping the towel to your waist. Your hands were bundled up in the fabric, and they fidgeted with it, the warmth returning to your fingers. You looked down at your dress again, trying to work out how much coverage you’d get. Luca was tall, but not that tall, and you were going to be walking around his hotel room with a significant amount of leg showing. You thought back to all Polly’s lectures on respectability before your dates when you were younger and huffed a little.

Luca was already over by the wardrobe, pulling out a shirt and slipping it off the hanger for you. You ran an eye over the room quickly, looking for a blanket or a sheet or something. The only ones to be found were spread on the bed and so when Luca turned back around he found you staring at the covers intently, trying to work out what to do with yourself. He looked from the bed, to you, shirt still hooked over one finger. You cleared your throat, and tip toed your way across to him, trying to avoid as much contact with the floor as possible.

“Thank you” you whispered as you took the dry fabric from him, hobbling your way over to the bathroom with your skirt bunched in one hand. Once inside, you lay your head onto the tiles softly, rocking your forehead over the cool surface.

“This is a fucking disaster” you whispered to yourself, before laying the shirt over the counter and slipping out of your dress.

-

Luca was crouched before the big fireplace in the antechamber when you stepped back out. You hovered in the doorway, a hand on either side of the woodwork and one foot on the tile, the other on the carpet. You frowned as you watched his shoulders roll. You tilted your head, trying to confirm what he was doing, when he turned back to grab a pack of matches perched on the edge of the coffee table. He caught sight of you, smile pulling onto your face as his eyes ran down your body, straight to your legs.

“Be…a gentleman” you reminded him, and his smile grew, looking down to the matches in his hand.

You dropped your hands to your sides and stepped out into the room. You reached over to grip the blanket topping the bed, dragging it with you as you stepped back.

A flicker in the corner of your eye drew your gaze. He’d lit the fireplace in the bedroom as well, and the warmth spilled out in to the room, losing its reach eventually as you progressed towards him. He flicked a look up to you as the first match failed to light and he threw it into the grate, reaching back into the packet with an irritated hiss.

“Why’d you look so surprised?” he asked, striking the match and dipping his knee back into the carpet when it flew into life. He brought it to the grate, carefully inspecting the fledgling flames as you crawled onto the sofa, pulling the blanket over your now bare knees.

You’d draped your stockings over the edge of the bath to dry, umming and aahing over whether to hide them somewhere for five minutes before you realised it was ridiculous and left them where they were.

“I don’t know, I thought you’d get someone in to do that for you, I guess”

He straightened his spine as the fire came to life properly, throwing the box back onto the table. He stood, taking the short steps over to you, and reaching for a bottle on the side table next to you. He towered over you like this, and you bent your neck back to keep eyes on him as he poured himself a glass.

“You want one?” he motioned with the bottle, and you shook your head.

“I could go for a tea, if you’re doing one?” you lifted your elbow to rest on the sofa back, resting your head on your fist “though I suppose there’s no kettle up here, is there, so…”

“No, but there’s a phone, and a big kitchen downstairs. And since you asked so nicely, I’ll go through the monumental effort of ringing down and requesting one, how about that?” he took a quick drink, before moving towards the desk.

“Thank you” you replied after him, leaning forward on the sofa to watch him go. Your hands fell to your lap, tracing the intricate embroidery on the cover, as you listened to him ring down.

“They’ll be up in a minute” he explained, coming back to sit at your side. He took another drink, looping one arm over the sofa back, and perching the glass on his knee. He traced eyes over you again, his expression softening.

“What?” you almost whispered, trying to work him out.

“Cosy” he replied, and you burst out laughing, bending back into your knees slightly. He smiled across at you as you straightened back up, settling your back against the chair as you adjusted your legs, so you could turn to face him a little better. You dragged the blanket back over your feet, tucking it around your ankles.

“I didn’t take you for the ‘quiet night in’ kind of type” you joked, and he gave a little shrug.

“I can be domestic” he replied, taking another drink.

“Yeah, lighting fires in a marble fireplace- “you motioned behind you and reached to tip the bottle into view a little better “drinking stuff I can’t pronounce that probably costs more than most people’s monthly wage”

You turned back to him.

“Lounging about your hotel suite in a fancy suit while you contemplate your empire, you’re a real salt of the earth guy, huh?” you rested your elbow up on the edge of the sofa back, close enough that you could feel the heat of his arm through the cotton, and tilted your temple to your fist.

“That what you’re looking for? Nice, honest Joe”

You shrugged, casting as eye back down to the blanket.

“I’m here looking like a wash up and you’re Mr Fancy over there. I might not feel so out of place”

You watched the tip of his tongue as he rolled it over the edge of his teeth, before lifting his arm over your head as he reached to place his glass on the coffee table. He set about undoing the buttons on his waistcoat, draping it over the armrest.

You furrowed your brow, still smiling apprehensively as he looked to you, loosening his collar, and beginning to roll up his sleeves. When he was done he settled back and motioned to himself. You laughed, shaking your head.

“Yeah, you look terrible now. Almost unrecognisable. A shadow of the man you were before”

“Anything for you, doll” he replied, draining his glass. Your eyes followed him as he returned the now empty glass to the coffee table, before settling back, and bringing his eyes to yours.

“What did you tell Tommy about where you were going?” he asked, fingers drumming a beat where they lay on the back of the sofa.

You sighed, and adjusted in the seat.

“That I was going to see an old friend from school – it’s kind of a regular event at the moment, I figured routine would make him less suspicious. She’s getting married in a couple of weeks and they’re moving away after, so we’ve been meeting up and…you know, having fun together while we can. Making memories”

“Running wild?” he joked, and you rolled your eyes with a smile.

“I’ll have you know that when you’re not around, I’m entirely respectable” he raised his brows, and you tilted your head, daring him to disagree “you’re a bad influence, Mr Changretta”

“I’ve been a perfect gentleman” he argued, and you nodded sarcastically “I have!”

There was a knock at the door, and he shouted for them to enter. You’d forgot about the tea and now worried about being seen by the staff. Luca had managed to work someone into Tommy’s house without him realising, and the thought that Tommy could do the same suddenly hit you.

You raised your hand, fingers fidgeting with your lip, and obscuring part of your face. You flicked your hair back, hoping to obscure its length and were glad that the water had darkened the strands. Hopefully in the dim light of the room (with just the fires and the lamps lit) you wouldn’t be entirely recognisable, just in case.

“Thank you” he said as the maid left. He reached forward, pausing when he looked back over his shoulder, and found you looking nervous.

“It’s her job to be discreet” he reminded you, and you moved your eyes from the doorway to him.

“I’m not worried about gossip, I’m about worried about whether she only draws one pay check, or if I should be advising Polly to pack a bag and make herself scarce right about now” you whispered back. He shook his head, smiling to himself,

“I picked this place because it was clean. I checked everyone out, don’t worry”

“Did you- “you stalled as he leaned back, resting his arm on the back of the sofa, and leaning into you.

“My men know every face, every résumé– they know the names of every guests in every room. We picked this place because it was clean, don’t worry” he reassured, and you took a deep breath, nodding slowly.

“This is my day job” he continues, calling back to your words when you first met “and you’re adorable when you blush”

“Are you going to feed me or not? I was promised a dinner, and I’m so hungry I’m about to eat that table, so- “

He stood from the sofa, and made his way towards the door before you could finish your protest.

-

“Stop!” you implored through your laugh. You and Luca had moved to the floor before the fireplace as it started to rain heavily outside once again, finishing your desserts in it’s warm glow. He was leant back against a chair, one leg outstretched, the other bent so he could drape his arm over it lazily, swilling his glass lightly in the flickering light.

“I’m not doing anything” he motioned to himself with his free hand, taking another sip with a smirk.

“You’re staring, and it’s putting me off”

“I’m looking at a beautiful woman, what- “

“You’re looking at a woman who is trying to eat her body weight in whipped cream in peace, so avert thy eyes, mister” you took another scoop from the posh crystal bowl and filled your mouth, letting the spoon drop back with a clatter.

You lifted the bowl and put it back on the table with the rest of the plates and trays, adjusting your blanket skirt around you as you shuffled closer to the warm glow.

“Stop” you whispered again, catching Luca smiling into the fire.

“I’m not-I did what you asked, what more do you want from me?” he asked, purposefully not looking in your direction as he addressed you.

You licked the cream off the edge of your thumb, eyeing his glass. You reached forward, picking it out of his hand. He turned his head to his hand, then to yours, then to you, as you eyed its contents.

“What is this? Whisky? I don’t like whisky” you said, before taking a drink. You grimaced, you still didn’t like whisky, and handed it back to him. He was shaking his head with a smile as you wiped your mouth with your thumb again.

“What do you like?”

“Vodka” you replied quickly. He looked surprised but impressed, moving his glass to the floor next to him. He let it clink against the marble.

“Every time I think I understand you, you surprise me”

“Maybe you’re underestimating me then” you replied, and he nodded.

“Maybe”

You sat without speaking, enjoying the quiet together for a while. The fireplace hummed and cracked, the rain jotting against the windows in spatters and flows, soft then beating, then dying away again. It was dark out by now, the season bringing the night in fast, but the vast curtains remained open. It put a glow into the room, the cool light melding into the warmth expelled by the fire.

“Maybe we’re underestimating each other” you said, after so long a silence you thought the frown on Luca’s face was from him forgetting what had been said.

“Why’s that?” he asked, and you nodded towards the flames.

“I thought you’d be all fancy big boss, but you light your own fires” you explained, and he laughed, shaking his head, having supposed you were about to make a grand revelation. He picked up the glass, ready to take the last sip.

“I usually have the maids do it” he deferred, and you perked up, mouthing an ‘ah!’ “but- “

He pointed to you with the hand holding the glass, pulling it away from his lips at the last second.

“I wanted to impress the lady, so…”

“You made a fine job of it” you agreed.

“You can thank my grandfather for that. He used to take me camping” he explained, and you burst out laughing. He gave a look of mock outrage, and you threw a hand over your mouth.

“Sorry” you whispered, still laughing regardless “Sorry, I’m just imagining little Luca in his short pants, in the forest- “

You broke for laughter again, as he shook his head.

“It’s a sight!”

“I wasn’t always the auspicious man you see before you” he joked.

“No, I can believe that” you teased, rolling your lips between your teeth. He stared you down.

“What did you think I’d be?” he asked. You thought on it for a moment, moving to free your legs from the blanket and stretch them out towards the fire. You made sure to pull the blanket up around your hips and thighs, keeping the edge of the shirt covered.

“I thought maybe you were…” you stalled, looking up at him “uhh…maybe…”

You squinted, trying to come up with the right words.

“Using me to get to Tommy” you said lightly, grimacing slightly. His face dropped and became serious and you moved to fill the silence before he did.

“You enjoy winding me up and calling the office and…” you bobbed your head about “you know, the secret notes, the teasing. I thought maybe at some point you were going to turn around and let Tommy know and…throw it in his face. ‘I got one of your girls’, you know?”

He reached across and picked a toothpick off the table, rolling it around in his mouth. You supressed the pull of your lips – for all the teasing he gave you about nervous habits, he had his own little tell.

“You think I’d do that?” he drawled, avoiding your eyes.

“Of course I did. You know I should. I didn’t know you. I knew a vague image of who you could be. Tell me you don’t think I was justified” you challenged lightly, and he quirked a brow, nodding towards you. Still considering the flames, rather than you.

“You still think that?” he asked.

“No. Well, a part of me. Little niggling voice in the back of my head, but I think that’s mostly Tommy’s influence, actually. I got the idea from somewhere” you whispered the last part, thinking back to when he’d thrown those words at Polly before “Being careful is kind of my thing, I don’t know if you’ve noticed”

A smirk pulled over his face slowly, and he gave a slow blink to look towards you.

“I trust you” you told him, sincere “I think you tease me because you like it, not because you’re trying to achieve anything. You like seeing me worked up, knowing you can affect me like that. You like that it works you up a little bit too”

It was time for a smirk of your own. He pulled the pick from his mouth as you lifted onto your knees, pulling the blanket behind you as you made towards him. He straightened his other leg, eyes rolling over you as you settled a knee either side of his lap. You dropped the blanket and settled a hand on either side of his chest, rolling your head so you were posed over his, hair falling in a curtain between you and the fire. It cast flickering shadows over his eyes, but you could still see them ablaze as you lowered and traced your lips to his.

You lingered for a few moments, waiting until his breath deepened, before you pushed up and rested back against his legs. You let out a light sigh, smiling nervously at him. He reached across for his glass, remembered it was empty, and dropped it down with a ring. You rolled your lips between your teeth, watching him with a sense of pride at having knocked him off balance. He gave his own little sigh, before reaching up a hand and tangling his fingers into your damp hair.

“Just when I think I understand you, you surprise me”

 -

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 3 Extravapalooza

Immediately coming out of Week 2 the national conversation was focused mainly on the fact that my picks went a very respectable 10-5. But, after running out of superlatives to describe my handicapping skills, the discourse shifted in the direction of the absolutely brutal spate of injuries that took place. Saquon Barkley, Nick Bosa, and Courtland Sutton were all lost for the season with torn ACLs, and Christian McCaffery, Brandon Scherff, Jimmy Garoppolo, Drew Lock and a whole bunch of others went down with various tweaks and tears that will keep them out of game action for multiple weeks. That’s a lot of really good players! And Jimmy Garoppolo! 

There seemed to be a desire to chalk up a lot of the injuries to a lack of preseason game action, but I’m not smart enough to know if that theory has any merit. Hopefully, it was just a freak occurrence and we won’t see another week like that any time soon. If I can make a bold statement that I’m sure nobody has ever mentioned before: the NFL is a lot more fun when the best players are on the field.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Los Angeles Rams at Buffalo Bills (-2)

The Bills have looked great in their first two games, no doubt about it. BUT, those two games were against the incomprehensibly shitty Jets and a Dolphins team that I don’t think anyone would call world-beaters. The Rams represent a huge step up in weight class, and I’m not sure how the Bills will handle it. I still love Josh Allen and believe in the Bills in general, but this game might be a little shock to the system for them.

Chicago Bears at Atlanta Falcons (-3)

I’ve read a few takes saying that a trip to Atlanta to play against a ghastly Falcons secondary is going to make Mitchell Trubisky and the Bears offense look much better than they are, but what this pick presupposes is that a meeting with Mitchell will make the Falcons secondary look better than they are.

Washington Football Team at Cleveland Browns (-7)

I know they gave up 30 points last week, but The Football Team’s defense has played really well through two games so far. They mauled the Eagles in a Week 1 victory that saw them sack Carson Wentz 8 times, intercept him twice and hold Philly to 57 rushing yards (3.4 yards per attempt) TOTAL. In Week 2, they held Arizona RB Kenyan Drake in check for the most part (86 total yards, 4.3 per rush) and managed to pick off Kyler Murray once while sacking him three times. Washington was done in by Calimari’s running ability, which is gonna happen to a lot of teams, I reckon. Baker Mayfield is no Kyler Murray when it comes to his wheels, so I’m taking the 7 points.

Tennessee Titans (-2.5) at Minnesota Vikings

Minnesota has looked DREADFUL so far, getting whomped by the Packers and then the Colts. I honestly don’t have a great reason for picking them, other than thinking “they can’t be THIS bad.” If this year has taught us anything, it’s that thinking things can’t get worse is pretty stupid, yet here I am. The only aspect of this game I have any confidence in prediction-wise is in saying that it’ll be the first early game to wrap up. These teams are gonna run, run, and then run some more.

Las Vegas Raiders at New England Patriots (-6.5)

Last week, I once again picked against the Raiders, and they once again made me look stupid by not only covering, but winning outright. So help me if Cam Newton leads New England to an absolute thrashing of this collection of assholes he will immediately become my favorite Patriot ever. 

If I wanted to give a non-spite related reason for my pick, I’d mention that Las Vegas will be without rookie WR Henry Ruggs , LB Nick Kwiatkoski and T Trent Brown, and that G Denzelle Good, T Sam Young, TE Darren Waller and RB Josh Jacobs are all Questionable as of this writing. I’m totally picking against them out of spite, though.

San Francisco 49ers (-3) at New York Giants

The Niners were absolutely wrecked by injuries last week, and now they’re playing again on the same turf that they feel took out their comrades. I can’t help but wonder if that’ll be in their heads a little bit, and if there’s anyone who knows the minds of NFL players, it’s a guy who’s never even attended a school at any level that fielded a football team. Nick Mullens is a pretty good backup QB, and it’s not like he’s replacing Russell Wilson, but still. I can’t take an injury-riddled road favorite starting a backup QB. Seats are rapidly opening up on the Daniel Jones bandwagon, but I remain resolute...for now.

Cincinnati Bengals at Philadelphia Eagles (-4)

I’m really torn here, because I am all the way in on The Joe Burrow Experience and want good things for him, but if the Eagles come out looking like an exploded diaper again it’s gonna get really awkward and depressing in Philadelphia, and I can’t handle feeling even more secondhand cringe and despair in these trying times. I’d greatly prefer a middling Eagles season that keeps their fans’ rage at no more than a simmer, and for that to be the case they’re gonna need to win decisively here. Sorry, Joe.

Houston Texans at Pittsburgh Steelers (-4)

After dealing with Daniel Jones in Week 1 and the Drew Lock/Jeff Driskel Combo Meal in Week 2, the Steelers defense will now have to contend with DeShaun Watson. In my expert football-knower opinion, this will be a more difficult challenge for them. Conversely, the Texans started their year with games against the Chiefs and then the Ravens, and while I do think the Steelers are pretty good, they’re a step below those two death squads. In what’s become a running theme in my picks this week, I think a bit of equilibrium is restored and the Texans have somewhat of a get-right game while Pittsburgh gets taken down a peg.

LATE GAMES

Carolina Panthers at Los Angeles Chargers (-6.5)

This is a tough one. Conventional wisdom says 6.5 is a pretty big number for a rookie QB in his second start, though like everyone else I thought Justin Herbert looked more than legit in his debut. The L.A. defense has been fantastic, and they’re plenty good enough to paper over any potential rookie mistakes from their QB. 

I’m going with the Chargers less because of them and more because of how poor the Carolina offense has looked so far. Teddy Bridgewater is a great story and I’m glad he got himself a nice contract after his horrific leg injury in Minnesota, but he hasn’t looked like an NFL starter this year. New Panthers OC Joe Brady performed a miracle and gave the LSU Tigers an offense for the ages, so he clearly knows what he’s doing. Maybe the Panthers will get it together as the season goes on, but for this week I don’t see it, especially without all-world RB Christian McCaffery. 

New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts (-11.5)

11.5! That’s a large number for a pro game, and it’s terrible that I didn’t have to grapple all that much with laying the points. The Jets have looked historically awful and I feel bad for everyone on their sideline except for Adam Gase and Gregg Williams. Fuck those two. I don’t have a solid read on the Colts quite yet, but I’ve been around long enough to know that a Phillip Rivers-led squad would NEVER blow a layup like this.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-6) at Denver Broncos

I get that Tampa Bay is the road team here, but A) there are no fans in the stands, B) Denver has lost several key players to injury and C) they’re starting Jeff Driskel at Quarterback. The Bucs giving less than a TD seems odd to me. Maybe there’s some concern about the altitude affecting Tom Brady’s elderly lungs, or about the possibility of Rob Gronkowski buying thousands of dollars worth of edibles in Denver and mixing them in with the pregame spread. Classic Gronk move, imo.

Detroit Lions at Arizona Cardinals (-5.5)

I don’t see any way the Lions slow down this Cardinals offense, so their only hope is to outscore them. If stud WR Kenny Golladay were healthy I’d like Detroit’s chances a whole lot more, but he’s listed as Questionable with an injured hammy at the moment and on Friday assessed his situation as follows: “Wouldn’t say it’s 100 percent. I really wouldn’t even put a percentage on it, I just know I’m not 100 percent.” That doesn’t sound great to me, but I don’t come from an All Medical family, so I could be wrong.

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks (-5)

The formerly formidable Seattle Seahawks secondary has given up 450 passing yards to Matt Ryan, and 397 yards to Cam Newton in their two games this season, while the Cowboys were also carved up by Matty Ice (lol) in their insanely improbable Week 2 win. Both of these passing attacks are fantastic, so this feels like an absolute orgy of touchdowns in the making. This game has the week’s highest over-under at 56.5, so I’m not exactly breaking any new ground with this analysis. That’s really the main hallmark of this blog series, now that I think about it. 

SNF: Green Bay Packers at New Orleans Saints (-3)

This game would be a lot more fun if All-Pro WRs Michael Thomas and Davante Adams were suiting up at 100% for their respective teams, but sometimes the Football Gods are dicks. Thomas is OUT with an ankle injury, and as of this writing Adams is being called a game-time decision with a bad hamstring. I’m guessing the game is gonna be more Aaron Jones vs Alvin Kamara than the Aaron Rodgers vs Drew Brees matchup it’s being billed as. That’s still plenty good enough to get me to tune in, as those guys are great in their own right. All things being equal, I trust Aaron Rodgers more to make chicken salad out of chicken shit against the Saints D at this point in time, so I’m giving Green Bay the edge. 

Every time Sean Payton takes his 1st ballot Hall of Fame QB off the field in favor of Taysom Hill, an angel gets its oxycodone prescription refilled. 

MNF: Kansas City Chiefs at Baltimore Ravens (-3.5)

My feelings on this game can be summed up by one of the great orators of modern times, “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair:

Last Week’s Record: 10-5

Season Record: 19-11-1