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fluentmoviequoter · 5 months ago

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Promises from Your Side

Requested Here!

Pairing: Javier Esposito x fem!neighbor!reader

Summary: Your neighbor Javi is flirty, but you try not to read much into it. When you're targeted because of a case he's working, you learn that he means everything he says and feels the same as you.

Warnings: angst, r is attacked (not graphic), mention of staying in the hospital, Spanish petnames, fluff and comfort

Word Count: 2.4k+ words

A/N: This is my first time writing for Javi!!! I hope it's okay and he's not too out of character. (I also haven't finished Castle so there's def no spoilers.) Please feel free to let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!🤍

Javier Esposito is the life of the party and the NYPD detectives. So, when you hear him sigh heavily on his way down the hall, you’re surprised. His eyes are on his feet when he comes into your view, and you stop with your key in the lock to watch him.

“Are you okay, Javi?” you ask softly, pulling your hands together.

“Better now,” he flirts. His eyes rise to yours, and he smiles, but it’s not the same as usual. Something happened; you can tell that much.

“Do you want to talk about it, or…”

“If we start talking it’s not going to be about my long day, chica.”

You press your lips together and look down. Javi flirts with you as often as he can, and though you have an ever-growing crush on your unattainable neighbor, you constantly tell yourself it’s just his personality.

“Sorry,” he adds.

“For what?” you question.

“You looked away again. I’ll try to control myself.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it. Or don’t,” you joke lightly.

“Is that a challenge, hermosa?”

Javi steps closer to you, and you smile as you nod. Even if Javi Esposito is the definition of ‘out of your league,’ there’s no rule that says you can’t have a little fun with him, right? Javi extends his right hand with his head cocked challengingly. You wipe your hand on your top before you place your palm on his. Javi wraps his fingers around your hand and pulls you closer.

“Game on,” he whispers.

“I think you’re already losing,” you murmur, though your breathlessness tells Javi he’s doing the opposite of losing.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and your hand falls to your side as he retrieves it. You watch Javier’s expression change as he reads the message.

“I have to go back to the station,” he tells you without looking up. “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Sure, you will, vaquero.”

Javi leaves without acknowledging your Spanish (and ego-boosting) nickname, and you know that whatever case he is working on must be rough. As you enter your apartment, you remind yourself that Javi has plenty of people who can help and comfort him. Maybe one day you’ll challenge yourself to tell him how you feel about him. Today, the idea alone gives you shivers.

“Nice timing, Ryan!” Javi yells.

“You just got here; how are you already mad at me?” Ryan replies.

“It’s probably your fault,” Castle interjects.

“No!” Javi argues. He turns to point at Castle as he accuses, “It’s your fault. This entire case is your fault, and now everyone we care about is in danger!”

“How was I supposed to know a homicidal maniac would get obsessed with my new book?”

“Boys!” Beckett shouts. “This isn’t helping. If we want to get this guy off the street before he does something else, something worse, we have to keep working the case.”

“Wait,” Ryan says. “Nice timing on what, Espi?”

“The text about someone targeting our loved ones,” Javi answers. “What else?”

“I didn’t send you a text.”

Castle stands and walks toward the murder board. Beckett asks to see the text and reads it several times with her brows pinched. Javi shifts on his feet, worried about you and wondering how this qualifies as working the case.

“It’s not that hard to hack messages,” Beckett points out as she returns Javi’s phone.

“Even easier to send a text when you’re in the room with the phone,” Castle adds.

“Castle, what?”

Castle points to a note on the murder board and explains, “He was here.”

“You may be getting closer but it’s still ice cold,” Ryan reads. “This is a restricted area. I’ll check the cameras. Javi, find the sign-in sheet. Beckett, Castle… do whatever it is you two do.”

As you sit in bed and think about Javi, someone knocks on your door. The clock on your phone says it’s a few minutes after 10 p.m., and you know you aren’t expecting company. You stay in place, assuming the person is at the wrong apartment, and will realize in a moment. A minute ticks by slowly, and there’s no second knock.

“That’s what I thought,” you mumble.

In the dark, you let your thoughts wander back to the conversation with Javi in the hallway. He pulled you close, flirted, and called you things that you’ve never thought of yourself as. You smile to yourself, but a quick tapping noise draws your attention. It stops quickly, but you keep your eyes on the door. The lights in your apartment are still on, so you decide to walk out of your room and see if something fell. The building is old, so you’re used to odd noises here and there, but the tapping is one you haven’t grown immune to.

When you step into your living room and see the door standing open, you realize that what you heard was far worse than the floorboards creaking above you. Turning quickly to retrieve your phone, you don’t see someone reach for the light switch. You run into your room when the lights turn off, but the footsteps behind you are faster than yours. You’re tackled to the floor before you can get your phone to call for help.

The man above you leans his weight against your shoulders to keep you pinned down. “You’re special,” he says.

“I’m not,” you argue weakly. “I’m not.”

“That’s not what Detective Javier Esposito of NYPD Homicide said.”

“He’s just my neighbor.” Your voice drops halfway through your sentence, and the man above you laughs at your growing shyness and fear.

“Let’s see if he keeps talking when he has one more murder to solve. What did the character say again? ‘It stays in the family, blood or other.’ Rick Castle was onto something this time. Some families just need to go away.”

“It’s just a story,” you say through scared tears.

“And yours is ending.”

He raises one hand, and you brace yourself for a hit. When his hand slides to his pocket instead, you choke on a cry and close your eyes. You continue to think about Javi, but this time, you can only imagine him coming home and saving you.

“Shocker,” Javi grumbles as he looks through the sign-in sheet. “Half of them are illegible.”

“How’s the camera looking, Ryan?” Beckett asks.

“The camera is in that corner over there, so we can see a lot of people’s back walking past the board, stopping beside it to talk or waste time. But nothing else. The lights glare on that side of the board, too, so I can’t even tell what time the note appeared.”

“That’s great,” Beckett sighs. “So, what do we do instead?”

Javi’s phone rings. His brows raise as he reads the caller ID, but he answers quickly and greets, “Hey, cariño. Miss me already?”

“Who is he talking to?” Beckett whispers.

“It’s Javi,” Castle points out. “That could be anyone.”

“No, it couldn’t,” Ryan adds.

“Talk to me,” Javi requests. Javi says your name as he stands, and Ryan gestures in a see? motion. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Javi demands.

With each hit the man above you delivers, and every threat that he makes, you go farther into your bedroom. You use your hands and feet to push you, and even though he follows you into a corner where you’re pinned, you know that you are going the right way. When Javi first met you, he gave you something for ‘those long nights when he’s away from you.’ The taser has been in a drawer since then, but this is one of those nights.

“Pinned yourself in a trap, didn’t you?” the murderer taunts. “You shy types make it too easy.”

He turns away from you, and you take the chance to pull your taser from the drawer. As you depress the trigger and the man tips backward rigidly, you scramble backward, away from him. The man groans before he crawls forward to stand. You push yourself against the wall and raise the taser again.

“I’ll be back,” he threatens shakily.

You watch as he staggers out of your room. He slams the door behind him, and you hear something snap on the other side. The front door closes loudly too, and you know you only have a few moments to call for help. After you get your phone and make sure the taser has another cartridge in it, you crawl into your closet and duck behind your hamper. Tears continue to stream down your face and your breathing comes in ragged, shallow exhales. You count to 100, ignoring the pain radiating throughout your body, then dial Javi’s number.

Javi answers after two rings, and you don’t consider the fact that you’ve never called him while he was at work before until he says, “Hey, cariño. Miss me already?”

You don’t answer, but his voice causes a buried sob to well up, and it breaks through, interrupting your labored breathing.

When Javi speaks again, he’s more serious than you imagined he could be.

“Talk to me,” he requests. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Javi,” you cry. “He’s coming back.”

“I’m on my way.”

You hear two voices, male and female, call Javi’s name. He doesn’t answer and you see a mental image of him leaving his partners Beckett and Ryan – who you’ve met once – to get to you. Of all the things Javier Esposito is or claims to be, you always knew he was a good guy beneath the flirting and meaningless advances.

As Javi rushes out, Beckett and Ryan look at each other and shrug. They know about you and Javi, probably more than you and Javi do. Despite his track record for flirting with every woman he sees, the way he treats you has always been different.

“Mi cielo, breathe,” Javi reminds you. You hear his car engine rev as he speaks.

You close your eyes and try to pretend that Javi is sitting beside you, but until he is, you won’t be okay. And even then, you’ll have injuries and pain to think about.

“I’m here,” Javi says. “I’m going to kick your door in. It’s just me.”

“He’s coming back.”

Javi kicks the front door open, and you flinch harshly at the sound. Your phone drops because of your sudden movement, and Javi breaks your bedroom door down before you can retrieve it.

“Cariño!” Javi calls.

You push the hamper out of the way and look up at Javi with tearful eyes. His eyes darken before he steps toward you. Slowly, he kneels beside you as his eyes roam your body. You look down slowly, but Javi stops you with a kind hand on your chin.

“You tased him,” Javi whispers. “Good job.”

“How do you-“

“Officer found him in the bathroom.”

“He said he’d come back.”

Javi sits back and pulls you into his arms. Your injuries are worse than what he expected to see, but he needs to hold you just as much as you need to be held. With your face against his shoulder, you inhale deeply and whisper, “Thank you.”

“Por siempre y para siempre,” Javi promises softly.

Carefully, Javi removes his arms from around you and moves backward. He helps you stand and demands you go to the hospital. When his hand slides into yours, you don’t argue with his instructions.

After two nights in the hospital, you return to your apartment building. Both of your hands are clasped around one of Javi’s as he leads you to the elevator. He hasn’t left your side since he found you hiding in the closet, and you aren’t sure you can survive being away from him again.

The elevator doors open, and you step out and then stop. Javi steps back to stand beside you and looks into your eyes.

“Javi, I don’t…” you begin, your voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t go back in there.”

Javi smiles as he shakes his head. He whispers for you to follow him, and you do so without a doubt about your safety or well-being. You stop outside his door, then happily accept when he invites you inside.

“Look, I know that our relationship isn’t… ordinary. I flirt and you get shy, but I mean it,” Javi says. “I want you to stay here as long as you want. You’re safe here, and I won’t let anything happen to you again.”

“It’s not your fault, Javi,” you respond.

He smiles brightly, and you tilt your head to the side in question.

“You didn’t say no to my offer of staying,” he explains.

“I don’t want to say no.”

“Good. Let’s get you comfortable, and I will be the handsomest nurse you’ve ever seen.”

You roll your eyes, but as Javi begins fussing over what you should wear to be comfortable and how the pillows are arranged, you understand that he really does mean it all.

“Javi,” you call.

He stops by the kitchen island, on a mission to get an ice pack for your bruised side and a fresh bandage for the cut above your eyebrow.

“I, um, I have a crush on you. I’ve had it since we met,” you admit.

“I had a dream just like this once.”

“Me, injured on your couch and admitting that I like you?”

“You didn’t have so many bruises.”

“Thank you, for everything.”

You lean back and hiss in pain. Javi reprimands you gently for doing that without his help, but you have to breathe sometimes. He’s been at your side, doing anything and everything he can to help you since before you arrived at the hospital. And he really is the most handsome nurse you’ve seen.

Someone knocks on Javi’s door, and he raises a finger to you before he opens it. Ryan looks over Javi’s shoulder, sees you on the couch, and nods.

“I just came to let you know we found the officer our guy paid $20 to pass along the message to us. Genius, right? But I can see you have better things to focus on. Take your time, man,” Ryan says. “Feel better!”

“Thank you,” you call.

“Don’t talk to him,” Javi says as he returns to your side. “That’s not good for your recovery.”

“So, I never get to meet your friends even after I almost died for one of your cases?”

Javi pulls you under his arm and against his side. You lay your head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

“Do you think I’ll ever stop being scared?” you murmur, running your finger along Javi’s shirt. “That I’ll stop thinking about him when I close my eyes.”

Javi shifts his arm to hold you tighter and dips his chin to look at your face. “You will. I promise you will.” You nod, and Javi asks, “Want to know how I know?”

“I do.”

“Because I’ve got you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

#javier esposito x reader #javi esposito x reader #javier esposito #castle abc #hanna writes✯#javi esposito

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like-a-bantha · 2 years ago

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Checkmate

Summary: Maybe you're not the best at dejarik, but you do know your way around a chess board. In the absence of a board, you'll make due with your imagination. (Alternate title: Two dorks play chess, maybe they’ll kiss?)

Pairing: Tech/Gender Neutral Reader (no Y/N, no descriptions of reader's appearance other than being shorter than Tech)

Rating: G

Warnings: None! Just some brotherly teasing and good old fashioned chess.

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: This is silly and short and not Busted Hyperdrive (it's coming, I promise!) but I couldn't rest until I got this out of my system. It's my first non-platonic fic so if it sounds a little strange, I offer my sincerest 'my bad's. I'm also not a chess master, so if you're just here for the chess you're probably not gonna dig this. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and feel free to leave some feedback! <3

Read on AO3 | Masterlist

It started a few months back when you all had some downtime at Cid’s. You entered the parlor to find her grumbling to herself as she attempted to fix the dejarik table, now temporarily out of commission after taking one too many frustrated blows. You’d all been off-world when it finally kicked the bucket, but Cid’s grumpy tone while recounting the incident paired with the large dent was all the evidence you needed. The Trandoshan, feeling particularly charitable, offered a small handful of credits if they were able to patch up the abused machine. Taking it as a challenge, Tech finished the repairs within the hour, even going as far as to fix the nasty dent. You and Omega waited patiently for the table to be revived so she could teach you how to play, explaining the rules and pieces over a carton of mantell mix. You nod along, half-understanding how the game works but knowing full well you’re about to make a fool of yourself.

“I am finished.” Tech announces, slipping his tools back into their respective slots on his belt as he stands. He’s nearly knocked over by his little sister in her mad dash to the table, waving you over as if you’re not just a few steps behind her.

Nevertheless, you laugh and pick up the pace, thanking Tech as you take your seat. Omega pushes a few buttons and the table begins humming to life. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not gonna go easy on me?”

Without missing a beat, Tech answers the question for her. “She will not.” He pulls a chair over to the table, knowing exactly what’s about to happen even if Omega denies the claim.

Three games later and both clones are sporting rather smug looks; Omega’s for pride in her strategizing skills, and Tech’s for being right in his claim. Not one to be a sore loser, you thank her as you stand from the table, “That was fun, but I think I’ll stick to the version I played back home. You wanna take over for me, Tech?”

“I wanna hear about your version!” Omega perks up, interested in a variation of her favorite game. You glance over to Tech, who hasn’t taken the now empty seat, his head just barely cocked to the side in question as he wordlessly awaits your explanation.

You stand, looking between them for a second before returning to your seat, a sigh slipping through your grin. With that, you dive straight into your description of the game, detail matching Omega’s earlier lesson. Both of them listen intently, asking questions that you happily answer. Tech glances down at his datapad every so often, you can’t seem to fight back a smile when you realize he’s been taking notes. Once you finish your explanation he sets it back down on the table while Omega looks at you expectantly, as if waiting for you to pull a full chess set out of thin air to give them both a demonstration.

“That sounds fun! Can we play?” Omega asks, eager to try her hand at a new strategy game.

“If we can find a set, I’d love to! But they’re pretty hard to come by outside of my planet.” You try to put on a hopeful smile, now regretting mentioning it in the first place as her own smile slowly fades. “I mean, technically you don’t need one,” this grabs both of their attention, “but it will be a little tougher.”

“You can play without the board? Or the pieces?” Omega asks, clearly skeptical as you said it was a board game. Tech, on the other hand, seems intrigued.

“Y’know how I said there’s a notation system?”

“Are you suggesting the game can be played verbally?” Tech reaches for his datapad; checking his notes, you figure.

“It’s possible! When the Empire showed up in my city and forced us out we didn’t have time to grab the fun stuff – mostly just, like, food and water.” You almost cringe a little, talking about your past isn’t really your forte. “We got bored, we played in our heads and called out our moves. It took some getting used to, but it’s still fun!”

“Fascinating.”

“You guys wanna give it a go?” Omega seems a little unsure but excited enough to jump into a practice round.

Despite her hesitation, Omega did surprisingly well. She even managed to beat you in the third game. And, unsurprisingly, Tech played like a natural, instantly picking up the game that took you months to master. You managed to beat him in your first game, but the next two were easy wins for him. If you were playing against your friends back home you might’ve gotten a little competitive, but the proud smile that crept onto your face after the first game has yet to fade. Later on, after the rest of the batch returned to the parlor, you sat back and listened to Tech and Omega’s gripping game – too enthralled to tell either of them that it will most likely end in a stalemate.

Hunter took a seat next to you at the bar, when his gaze shifts from Tech and Omega to you with a quirked brow you let out a quiet chuckle. “They’re playing chess.” He huffs, amused as the two of you watch their game in silence.

Soon, it becomes a favorite pastime among the three of you. Omega has tried to get her other brothers to join in to no avail, none of them seem to enjoy it nearly as much as the three of you. After a little digging, Tech finds a slew of archived games from your home planet and studies them intently. Whenever you find yourselves on a supply run off-world, you and Tech volunteer yourselves every time to search for a real set. What started off as a wild porg chase turns into a sort of tradition and, strangely enough, you find yourself looking forward to supply runs.

You’re counting ration bars and bandages after a too-long mission for Cid, most of your stock depleted, while Omega takes another study break to play a few rounds of chess with you. Hunter makes the call to stop on Boonta to refuel and restock, knowing the second you return to Ord Mantell you’ll be sent off on another mission. This time, when the Marauder touches down in a dingy space port, no one bothers asking who will be heading to the market.

Omega hums in thought, absently fiddling with her datapad as you wait for her next, and most likely last, move. She’s got you cornered, your only possible escape is Kb7 but she’s still got her Queen, and you’re out of pawns to promote. Her eyes light up. “Rook to b3! Checkmate!”

“I forgot about the rook!” You laugh, impressed at how she’s improved. “Good game, Omega, that’s four wins in a row!”

“It’s all about the strategy.” She beams triumphantly.

“Yeah? How about you strategize some homework,” you laugh, standing to leave, “then maybe we can play on a real board later.”

The girl’s laughs are suddenly interrupted by Wrecker’s booming voice calling your name from the cockpit, followed by a loud, “Your boyfriend’s waiting!” You just roll your eyes, Omega tries to suppress a giggle as she puts on her best studious face, her eyes locked on her datapad.

When you pass him on your way out, a barely noticeable blush on your cheeks, Wrecker lets out a barking laugh. You shoot him a look, but this only draws another laugh from the gentle giant. “Keep that up and I’ll make sure to stock up on those blue ration bars you hate.” That does the trick. Letting out a victorious laugh of your own at his silence, you make your way down the ramp where Tech patiently waits. “Ready?”

He clears his throat quietly, storing his datapad before he begins leading the way to the market. “After you.”

“Oh, how kind of you. E4.” You laugh, you two always tend to walk a little slower on supply runs.

“I assumed you would like the advantage after losing our last match.” Tech simply states, his impartial facade cracking when you shoot him an incredulous look. “E6.” His smile is barely visible, but you manage to catch a glimpse before he fixes his gaze on the path ahead. The two of you focused on the game as you navigate the city streets.

“Rook to B5.” You’re about to reach the forty-eighth move of the game with no clear end in sight as you approach the bustling market. “Did you wanna split up? I have to grab rations and stuff for the medkits.”

“Rook to A8.” He pauses for a moment. “I will accompany you.”

“Cool. Rook to D2.” You glance around the market, hiding your grin. You spot a vendor selling rations by the crate, buying wholesale might save you all some trouble. “Let’s check that stall first.”

“Very well. H6.”

You make your way through the crowd, now quickly calling your moves back and forth. Barely ten feet from the stall, you realize stocking up on rations would mean fewer supply runs and your mind starts to race. Suddenly, your pace is even slower than before and you’re losing focus on your mental image of the match. When you make an obviously thoughtless move, losing your knight, Tech stops in his tracks, turning to face you. “Are you alright? That was a terrible move.”

“Huh?” All of your focus has been diverted to quickly concocting an excuse that the genius would find believable. You can’t bring yourself to look away from the vendor’s stall. “Oh, yeah. They- uh, it looks like they only have the blue ones. You guys hate the blue ones, right?”

Tech’s brows furrow behind his yellow-tinted lenses. Maybe he didn’t buy the excuse but it certainly confused him. “I have no preference, nor do the others to my knowledge. Wrecker doesn’t like them, but he will manage.” You can feel his eyes on you, studying you, and you wished he would look literally anywhere else. “You’ve mentioned preferring them, however.”

“Let’s just look around a little more, maybe we can find someplace with more variety.” You turn to walk further into the market but he catches your wrist, his grip is loose but it brings you to a halt.

“Would I be correct in my presumption that you are attempting to under-stock our supplies to continue our regular supply runs?” You’re glad you haven’t turned to face him, your eyes are wide and your cheeks flushed, and he’s still holding onto your wrist as if you’d run away if he let go. You can’t think of anything to say, clearly you’re not great at excuses so you just stand there hoping he’ll just drop it.

You let out a heavy sigh, turning around to just barely face him, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah, Tech. Sorry. I just…” You trail off, maybe now he might let it be, you’ll grab the crate of blue ration bars and be on your way.

“You don’t need to apologize.” His tone softens, you’ve never heard him sound so gentle. Your cheeks feel like they’re burning and he’s still holding onto you. “If we are unable to find a chess set today, I’m positive I can make one to your standards.”

You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until it came out in a choked laugh. The chess set. Right. You make a mental note to not let Wrecker’s teasing get to your head. Cheeks slowly reverting to a normal temperature, you finally turn to face him with a bashful smile and the concern in his eyes begins to dissipate. “Thanks, Tech. That’d be nice.”

He returns your smile. “I will need your input, of course.” His gaze falls a bit and you see a flash of panic in his eyes before he quickly releases his grip on your wrist. Quickly bringing that same hand up to adjust his goggles, he clears his throat, now looking at anything but you. “G5.”

Your head drops with a laugh, nudging him with an elbow as you start towards the stall. “C’mon, let’s go buy a month's supply of ration bars Wrecker will hate.” As the tension fades from your body you find yourself able to focus on the game again. “Oh, and thanks for the pawn. Rook to H6.”

You were right, wholesale is way cheaper. Much heavier, too. After you find a med supply stall that’s somewhat reasonably priced, Tech offers to take the crate and you hand it over with almost no objection.

“Would you still like to look around for a chess set?” Tech asks, lowering the crate a bit so you can rest your pack on top while you fill it with rolls of bandages and tubes of bacta.

You pause, your hands resting atop the pack that rests atop the crate in Tech’s arms; your brows furrowed in thought, you absently chew on your lip as you consider his question. You look up to find him watching you intently, and, rather than avert your gaze from his, you smile and shake your head. “Nah, I think I’d like one you make much better.”

He opens his mouth as if to say something but seems to decide against it, simply responding with an equally warm smile.

You return your attention to your pack, making sure it’s shut securely before swinging it over an arm as Tech readjusts his grip on the crate. Letting out a content sigh, you both begin making your way out of the market. “Your turn.”

“Ah, yes.” He thinks for a moment, it’s anyone's game now since you came back from your earlier blunder. Waiting until you’ve left the crowded area, he calls his move. “King to F7.”

“Running away from me?” You joke, unable to suppress a giggle when Tech looks at you with mock exasperation. “What? Queen to B7.” He instantly realizes what that move means, but you can’t help but give him a deviously smug smile. “Check.”

“Interesting.” He ponders his next move, absently attempting to adjust his goggles only to realize he’s still holding the crate. You watch on as he shifts it around, trying to balance it enough to free his right hand momentarily.

“Okay, okay, hold on, just… look at me.” You place a hand on his fidgeting arm, all movement coming to a stop. You stand on your tiptoes, reaching up to gently slide his goggles back into place, careful not to touch the lenses. Your breath catches when you make sure you didn’t accidentally leave behind any fingerprints and finally see the intensity in his eyes. He’s completely still, as if he would scare you away with any sudden movement. You can’t help but freeze as well, hands still gently resting on the frame of his goggles. When you wobble a bit on unsteady tiptoes, your fingertips just barely graze his cheekbones and his lips part in a silent gasp and, oh god, now you’re looking at his lips. Eyes, look at his eyes, that’ll help, you think, so you look back to his eyes and catch them flicking back up from your lips, or maybe the ground, maybe he’s just really into dirt these days, and now you’re starting to get dizzy. You retreat rather abruptly, your heels meeting the ground with a quiet thud, one hand resting on his shoulder and the other on his forearm to keep from falling over. After overthinking some more, both hands come to rest unnaturally at your side, wide eyes trying to focus on anything that isn’t him but ultimately failing. His gaze hasn’t left you, his expression unchanged. Deciding you should say anything, literally any words to break this tension that you created, you clear your throat and give a shaky, “Any better?”

He just stares for a moment. You’ve never seen him this flustered – or flustered at all – and now you’re really about to panic, your mind playing a loop of oh maker, I broke Tech. You’re about to release a minimum of one hundred apologies when it seems he’s finally returned to his body. “King to G8.” As if nothing happened. As if he can still win after such a pitiful move.

“Oh, Tech, I’m so sorry.” You look up at him, guilt dripping from your words.

He shakes his head, readjusting the crate one last time before finally just setting it on the ground for a moment. “No need to apologize, I have been wondering for some time if my feelings were reciprocated.” When your eyes widen in shock, he decides to clarify. “Romantic feelings. Towards you.”

“No yeah, I got that.” You shake your head, a pleasantly confused smile somewhat replacing the shock on your face.

“You appear to be confused, is my conclusion incorrect?” Now it’s his turn to internally panic, second-guessing himself for what appears to be the first time.

He looks confused when you let out a short, nervous laugh. “No, you’re correct. Romantic feelings are very much reciprocated.” You take a tiny step closer, leaving little room between the two of you, returning to your tiptoes. Tech, ever the genius, takes the hint; first bringing a hand to your waist to steady you before closing the distance, your lips meeting in a sweet kiss as he brings a tentative hand up to gently cup your cheek.

When you finally part, returning to ground level once again though still in his embrace, he cocks his head to the side. “May I ask, then, why did you apologize?”

You laugh, your forehead bumping the chest plate of his armor before once again meeting his gaze. “Rook to C8.” You reach up for the shortest, sweetest peck of a kiss. “Checkmate.”

A/N pt.2: If that wasn't the cheesiest thing I've ever written, I don't know what is - Alexa, play Yuck! by Charli XCX. This was so fun to write! Thank you so much for reading! <3

#the bad batch #the bad batch x reader #tech x reader #tech x you #tech tbb #hunter tbb #wrecker tbb #omega tbb

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runnning-outof-time · 2 years ago

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K’s ‘65 Away From 2.5k’ Holiday BINGO Challenge!

I hope y’all don’t mind that I’m starting this milestone celebration a bit early … I’ve had this challenge in mind for a while now and knew that I wanted to start it today (Dec. 1st). Then I realized how close I am to 2.5k, so I figured ‘why not make it a celebration too?’ So here we are.

I’m going to put the details of the challenge below the cut so that this post doesn’t get super long. Before you go check it out (and I hope you do) I wanted to thank you SO MUCH for helping this blog reach 2.5k followers. To achieve that in less than a year of having this account is crazy, and it’s all thanks to you. 💕

Alright…go check out the challenge now!!! (Please)

You can read stories written for the challenge HERE.

So you’ve decided to check out the challenge…thank you so, so much!!

The rules of it are pretty simple. At the bottom of this post, I’ve got a BINGO board that is loaded with different tropes, genres, settings and ‘must includes’ that you will use to create a story. I’ve picked these because they’re my personal faves, and they’re choices that I’ve seen in many stories on here. And since the holidays are now officially upon us, I figured I’d get us in the spirit with some fesitve choices.

If you’ve not played BINGO before, you need to either fill in 4 squares across or down (I’d shy away from going diagonal because there isn’t all 4 criteria present…4 corners is an option though) and then use those 4 choices in one story. Remember…ALL 4 must be included to get BINGO!

Want to try and get BINGO? All you need to do is either send me a 🎁 in my ask box, or comment 🎁 on this post, and I’ll add you to a PARTICIPANT LIST where all of the stories will eventually be posted.

You don’t need to tell me what choices you’re using right away…save that surprise for the fic that you’ll post (but please tell your readers the 4/the line that you chose when you post the story - maybe add it in an author’s note)

Any character from Peaky Blinders is free game for this challenge, and you’re more than welcome to use an OC or pairing from the show if you feel more comfortable with doing so instead of writing an ‘x reader’.

It is completely fine if you want to include mature (NSFW) content, but if you do…make sure that there are warnings and that you tag it properly.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE FOLLOWING ME TO JOIN IN - EVERYONE IS WELCOME!!

This celebration will run from today (Dec. 1st) until January 1st, 2023, which is when I’d like for all of the stories to be posted (becuase we’re celebrating the holidays) … BUT if things happen to get a little hectic for you and you still really want to join, you’re still more than welcome to post after the deadline.

Please make sure that you tag me in the story when you post it!! - you can use the hashtag too, but it’s not required.

Now that all of the boring stuff is out of the way (and I hope you’re still with me)…let’s take a look at the board:

Important: you’ll notice a * at the end of the box that says Christmas Morning/Christmas Eve. I’ve included that in case you wanted to use that line of choices but would rather use New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Morning instead, OR if you want to use that line of choices, but the character you want to write it with doesn’t celebrate Christmas…or you personally don’t celebrate Christmas.

An example of a possible combination for a fic would be: ‘we’re just friends’, ‘a holiday party’, ‘fluff’, ‘must include: a kiss’ … just in case anyone was confused.

I really hope that y’all would want to participate in this challenge…I’ve been waiting anxiously to share the idea with you, and I think it could be a fun way to celebrate the holidays.

Please don’t hesitate to message me if you have any questions!!

Tagging a few people who may be interested: @zablife @cillmequick @raincoffeeandfandoms @shelbydelrey @notyour-valentine @l1-l4 @gypsy-girl-08 @rangerelik @dandelionprints @look-at-the-soul @midnightmagpiemama @evita-shelby @fallatyourfeet @toms-cherry-trees @there-goes-thefighter @moral-terpitude @dearshelby @strayrockette @solomons-finest-rum @mgcllovdrms @huntingingoodwill @teenwolf-theoriginals @pherelesytsia @peakyscillian @peakyswritings @noforkingclue @forgottenpeakywriter @christinasyellowflowers @celticmelody @padfootdaredmetoo @theshelbyclan @vintunnavaa @mythos-writes @dreamlandcreations @jyessaminereads @lilyrachelcassidy

———

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

#k’s 2.5k holiday BINGO challenge #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x reader #john shelby x reader #arthur shelby x reader #alfie solomons x reader #finn shelby x reader #michael gray x reader #luca changretta x reader #jack nelson x reader

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hyenahunt · 1 year ago

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Saga: Rivals - 18

Writer: Akira

Season: Winter

Characters: Jin, Seiya, Hiyori, Hokuto, Jun

Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & hyenahunt (ENG)

Translation: kotofucius

Seiya: Hocchan, be sure to hold your friend tight in your arms. Keep him from soaring away and vanishing beyond the sky.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Soundproof Lesson Room

Jin: Woah… Are my eyes tricking me or are there sparks flying here? Kids these days and their violent ways.

Seiya: Fufu. I find this kind of atmosphere refreshing, personally. Once you're my age, people tend to stop picking fights with you.

Jin: Er, in your case, I'm pretty sure it’s more about your status… Nobody would choose to just up and challenge God on their own, Seiya-san.

Seiya: I'm no God, of course. Those who are actually worthy of that title have long left us for the heavens above.

Hiyori: Ah, sensei. You’ve casually strolled in while conversing like it's nothing, I see… So, by those actually worthy of that title, would you happen to mean Nagisa-kun’s father?

Seiya: Yes, and I believe Akehoshi-kun to be one as well.

The rightful protagonists of this world have passed, and as a mere supporting role who has been left behind, I go about my days in constant confusion at all the twists and turns in life.

Hocchan, be sure to hold your friend tight in your arms. Keep him from soaring away and vanishing beyond the sky.

No matter how much you regret later, what efforts you exert to restore the good name of a deceased man will only serve as a momentary consolation.

Because our hands can never touch the stars in the sky… yes?

Hokuto: …Well, Akehoshi appreciates what you passed onto me before SS.

You have my gratitude for that too, at the very least. Of course, it still annoys me that you couldn’t seem to just hand it over to me in a normal way.

Seiya: You’re welcome. Surely you've found yourself feeling glad to have your Papa around for once, yes?

…Though it was a bit late, perhaps. Too late, even.

In any case, it won't do us any good to keep looking back on the past. Rather than old men like us, it is you children who'll be the ones to build the next era.

The higher-ups appear to be struggling a little in understanding that…

Even just from the name of Reverse Live, I feel as though I can clearly sense their intention to reverse the hands on the clock, all the way back to the golden era of idols.

Hokuto: Really? I actually read it more in the sense of a reversal of power against authority.

Like it's a chance to rebel against those who sit back all high-and-mighty at the top… A chance to reverse the game board that locked them in place.

Jun: Yeah, same. What a coincidence, Hidaka-san, it seems like we've got the same interpretation, huh?

Hokuto: So we do. I have reason to believe we really can get along, Eden.

Jun: That's Lilith to you, and I’ve got no intention of playing at being friends with you or anything…

So don’t get too chummy with me, yeah? Let your guard down and we might just swallow you whole, starting from your head.

Jin: Woah there, easy now. There's no need to be so aggressive, boys…

If you two wanna duke it out so badly, just do it onstage while following the rules, ‘kay? But firstly, we've got some joint practice to do, so try to behave yourselves.

Jun: Sagami Jin.

Jin: Huh? Um, er… What is it? Couldja maybe not glare at me like that? That's a pretty scary face you've got there!

Jun: Yeah, well, I was born with it. …Hey, you were in the audience watching SS, weren'tcha?

Jin: Um, yeah… I mean, it was an important performance for my students… 'Course I’d want to be there as their teacher, right?

W-Was I not supposed to? Did I make you uncomfortable just by watching it?

Jun: …Goddamn. No one said shit about that, dude. Why’re you acting so scared, anyway? Get it together, lameass.

I’m not gonna bite or anything, alright~?

Jin: I know. Sorry, though, I've just honestly got no idea how to act around you.

Jun: You could just be yourself, y'know… It's not like I’m your student, so you don’t need to act like a teacher.

Jin: A-Alright. But then, how should I… No, I got it. I’ll give it a go.

Jun: Cool. And not that I care, but couldja at least try to look a little more imposing~? There’s no point kicking your ass if you’re not in your best form.

It'll just look like I'm bullying the weak like this, y'know?

Jin: Haha. Nah, as a matter of fact, all of you have long surpassed my current level in terms of your ability as an idol. I'm not saying it just to flatter you — I seriously mean it.

No matter what the results were, you shone brilliantly during SS.

It was just so dazzling… Maybe it wasn't quite befitting of my age, but you moved this old man to tears.

It was only then that I well and truly felt the value — the weight of the things I had so easily let go.

I felt lost, wondering, “just what am I doing?”... But I guess that’s how I’ve been feeling all this time, ever since I restarted idol work for Project-Saga.

Well, these mystifying and wonderful days will soon come to an end. The thought of it makes me feel both disappointed and yet relieved, in a way — this whole time, I’ve felt like I've been in a waking dream.

Jun: I could say the same thing. Who'd have ever thought I'd get to face off against you… When you’re an idol, every day is seriously just full of things you'd expect to only happen in dreams~ ♪

Well, that's enough of that. Sorry, Hidaka-sensei; I just had to say something to him, or I'd never find closure…

We got sidetracked for a bit, but please continue with the main topic.

Seiya: Of course. There's no problem with that. If anything, I'm relieved to see your exchange was more peaceful than I imagined.

…That may be less desirable where Lilith is concerned, but for us idols, to love is still more correct than to loathe.

Jun: …?

Seiya: And although we've spent many days of practice just for this day, Rain-bows will be going onstage without much of that…

So as a battle tactic, it wouldn't be wrong to rob them of even more time by conversing with them.

Hokuto: Playing dirty again… Is that the reason you’re proposing we have a joint practice too? To take advantage of our time and get in our way?

That’s low, Lilith!

Hiyori: Oh, you intend to slander us, do you? I simply can't let that slide!

Jun: Haha. Honestly, it's on Hidaka-sensei for giving them the wrong idea with his wording too~

…But I mean, we’re gonna win this without even lifting a finger. I don’t see any reason for us to get in your way, y'know?

Jin: Ooh, full of confidence, huh? But this is your debut performance, isn't it? You’ve got nothing on us in terms of experience; we’ve been involved with Project-Saga since its birth.

So between us, I wonder who exactly's gonna be in trouble for wasting time?

For us Rain-bows, it’s just a matter of doing our usual work, but for you guys? It’s your first ever fight, isn't it?

You sure you got your mental prep and everythin' in order?

Seiya: Ahaha. You really are still so young, Jin-kun. You’re letting the children get to you — They've sure got you fired up…

But that’s fine. The show will be more exciting that way.

For the first time in a while, I think my own blood is pumping in excitement, too.

But in any case, whether it is the era that will be reversed, or whether it’ll be the hierarchy…

Which one will end up being the true intention of Reverse Live will be decided from hereon, whether we like it or not.

I don’t mind either way, but I do hope that... we can show the audience a marvelous surprise.

An idol is no illusionist — but it is our job to show dreams beyond anyone’s wildest imagination.

[ ☆ ]

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#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #hyenahunttl #s: saga #hokuto hidaka #jin sagami #seiya hidaka #hiyori tomoe #jun sazanami

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gamebird · 9 months ago

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About a month ago, I read 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' based on a recommendation from a friend. It had some good points and bad ones.

Good points:

It is super important for me to have discussions with my kids about how to handle money, what their options are with the money I've given them, and what that means for standard of living, activities, etc.

It is very important in people's lives to have someone advising them about money, instead of just leaving them to fend for themselves and figure it out on their own.

If you already have money (like tens or hundreds of thousands of unencumbered cash), then there are a lot of relatively low risk, low labor means to put that money to work for you and generate income. It's a lot less tedious than, say, working for a living. But you have to have the money FIRST.

The various principles laid out in the book caused me to move my money around. Now instead of retiring in 4 years and leaving nothing to my kids in inheritance unless I died early, because I'd need everything to fund my retirement, I'm going to retire end of next year and leave millions, assuming I live that long. And if I don't, then there will still be a nest egg. Same standard of living for me either way.

Bad points:

Gotdamn does this guy undersell how hard it is to get your hands on enough money to start with to do this. It takes generations and he doesn't acknowledge that.

He also undersells the value and rarity of someone giving you good advice at every turn, feeding you opportunities, and picking you up when you fall ... and never victimizing or abusing you in the process.

He makes almost no mention of the severe adversities many people find in their lives, like chronic health problems, useless or abusive partners, addiction, expensive hobbies, terrible families, bad luck, accidents, legal problems, and the like. Some of these you have a little control over; a lot of them you don't; and even with barely controllable things like partners and family you don't know its bad until its already bad and its not exactly too late at that point, but it really sucks.

So anyway, I tried to get my kids to listen to the audiobook. No dice. I found it on YouTube for free. No doing. I bought the guy's Cashflow board game. Huzzah! They played it a couple times. This let us talk about things. (I mean, I'd already tried talking to them, but trying to discuss the relative merits of savings account vs t-bills vs etfs was not making much progress.)

We talked about:

What's a mortgage and why can't I just be homeless and not pay that

Why are my expenses so high

Why are children expensive

Why do I have to pay for a loan (I was surprised and shocked they only barely understood interest rates. My inability to communicate effectively about investments made sense now. I have failed as a parent. But I'm trying to fix it.) also: why is a credit score important

What the fuck why does this boat cost so damn much?!? (the boat is the most expensive piece of shit doodad you can get saddled with in the game; I talked to them about the dangers of expensive hobbies)

OH MY FUCKING GOD I ONLY MISSED ONE PAYCHECK AND I AM RUINED (because ... yeah. that's real)

What does 'yield' mean

What's a trading range

And a bunch of other things. I also talked to them about the things the game does not include, those things I mentioned earlier like accidents, addictions, lawsuits, and health problems, or the same happening to anyone you financially support or feel beholden to, like a partner or child or possibly parent. I talked to them about the mentality of 'my savings always gets wasted on emergencies so why bother having any', which is valid and real, as well as a rational reaction to a maddingly irrational situation.

An interesting thing about the game - there's no rule for or against giving money to each other. And it makes a huge difference in propelling someone from the rat race stage of the game where you're working for a living and into the cashflow part of the game where your money is working for you instead. In the two games we played, I ended up ahead early each time (half of this I credit to good decisions while my kids were making dumb ones, even after I told them they were dumb choices; half was probably luck). But each time once I had my position secured, I started giving wads of cash to them and it was remarkable how much that improved their situation.

Kind of like real life.

I also read Bullshit Jobs a couple weeks ago and it ends with a lovely piece about the social value of universal basic income. Which, yeah. We need to do that.

#mundane #all politics are fundamentally economic

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hag-darling · 2 years ago

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This is going to be a long vent post. Sorry. I'm on mobile so idk how to do a read more on here...

Anyways. After some back n forths in the discord chat for it I kinda changed my mind about the Pathfinder group I'm in due to a couple of players. Unfortunately. I don't think they are bad people or anything. I even consider both of them to be friends. It's just that as a group I think we are all incompatible.

All of us are new to 2e, and Zach (as the GM) told everyone that while we learn how to play, we will be sticking with Rules As Written and doing a prewritten adventure path (Strength of Thousands). We also agreed that we want this to be a chill, stress free game since again. We are all learning.

One of the players is actually a coworker. I have played DnD with him before, and he was my DM for a homebrew 5e game. He has a whole slew of house rules that we all pretty neat and fun, and I thought he was a great DM for that. The group fell apart (it was full of other coworkers who slowly lost interest) but I had an otherwise positive experience. When we started talking about PF2e together, and he learned that Zach and I were planning on playing, he asked us if he could join. I said, of course! We had a blast playing in your game, why not!

Well, we have quickly learned that as a player... he is.... I don't know. Particular. Before we even knew what kind of Pathfinder game we wanted to do, he already had a character in mind that he desperately wanted to play. When Zach suggested Strength of Thousands, everyone else was on board, but my coworker resisted, saying that he didn't want to play in a "Hogwarts" game and that his character wouldn't fit in. Zach was taken aback but suggested other APs that we could try that were "beginner friendly"... everyone else still wanted Strength of Thousands, and eventually my coworker relented, saying that he would figure out a way to make his character work.

His character that he wanted to play is a swashbuckler rogue that focuses on intimidation checks. She is selfish, brutal, and unfriendly/rude. And an active criminal on top of all of that. I don't know if anyone reading this has ever played Strength of Thousands or know the lore for it, but this kind of character... doesn't really fit. At all. And we confirmed that when the character caused social issues in session 1 with the NPCs, which he then blamed on the GM (it wasn't outright said, but he argued extensively that the consequences should not have happened).

On top of all of this, he keeps arguing about rules. He calls it constructive criticism, and outright told us that he wasn't going to stop. He is upset that the GM won't homebrew. He is irritated that the GM refuses to put house rules in place to make the game "more fun". He doesn't like Exploration mode and thinks we should get rid of the mechanics outright to have more "free-flowing RP". He wanted to add another +1 circumstance bonus to Shield. He wanted to give himself an extra lv 1 feat, even though he already was a Versatile Human with more feats than the rest of the group from the start. He didn't want to take a druid or wizard dedication at lv 2 like the AP tells you to do, it "doesn't fit his character", he wants to be able to choose another dedication with his Free Archetype. He thinks the changes to Counterspell absolutely break the power fantasy of a caster and that if they thought casters were too powerful, they should have buffed martials instead of nerf casters. He got upset when getting into a combat that the group was trying to avoid awarded us 0 exp and said that no warning was given (yes it was). He argued that him using Intimidating Glare was meant to help him use the Coerce action, and when I pointed out that it was augmenting his Demoralize, that "well that was clearly not my intent in the social interaction so the GM should have known better".

The other player that's causing strain is my coworker's wife. She is the opposite of my coworker... she doesn't give a shit about the rules. She wants to play loosey-goosey and just go with the flow with whatever is the most fun, is entirely roleplay focused, and thinks the rules are merely suggestions that can be adjusted at a whim. When the disagreements broke out in our discord chat, she came to my coworkers defense, that she hated rules discussions because they suck, and said that being rewarded 0 exp was bullshit bc xyz, that using an intimidate action shouldn't trigger combat and that it was not clear that that would happen (yes it was), and regarding rules.... "If the rules don't make sense, they should be changed".

It has put a cloud over the entire experience for me. It has for Zach as well, because the arguments and rules lawyering have been going on for weeks now, despite yesterday being our very first session, and it makes him feel like they don't respect him as a fellow player. That they see him (as the GM) as some robot who is supposed to always make it fun for the players no matter the cost, even at his expense.

And, again. We are all. New. To the game. We aren't familiar with the rules just yet. We don't know how things are balanced and why. Which is why Zach wanted to stick with RAW until we were more familiar with the system. He wanted things to be balanced and not have to worry about a bunch of changes that he had to keep track of, as opposed to just opening a book or AoN to double check a ruling.

And we have told them both this. But they still continue to argue, back and forth, in circles. Zach has discord muted entirely because it's been stressing him out so much.

I've been excited for over a month now to play this game, but the entire experience has been soured because I thought inviting my coworker, who I previously thought was chill, to play with us. And it's not just me and Zach, the other two players are getting iffy on it as well, and they are the ones fucking hosting the sessions.

I'm tired.

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lestcat-de-lioncourt · 2 years ago

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(Gerard Way, by me. Black ballpoint, red fine-liner. 🖊🩸 )

Soo I’ve not posted much OC character stuff of recent as I’m still writing the second chapter of The Lord of Wet and Pyro Princess Adventures (Genshin Ayato x Diluc fanfic I’m having a lot of fun with as I’m back in ~Genshin playing mode~ since I invested a bunch in the game and it’s also the Lantern Rite time of year again, a favourite of mine).

I’ve had a request to finish my WattPad Kaze fanfic too, which I’ll try and deliver but I got kinda stick in the basement scene lmfao as writing Zero as a top is so odd for me even though I Want It to happen.

I’ve wanted to get out some Kaze stuff as not as many people post it anymore and I’ve realised there’s still a big fandom community for Vampire Knight which is excitingg! I might move it over to Ao3 once I have time.~

I’ve been a little busy planning and “making the art” and custom credit card designs as well as payment plan ideas not too mention considering setting up an Etsy or Fiverr or somewhere people have more access to than pixiv as setting up my regular posting on my pixivFANBOX and trying to build a schedule for Saturdays whilst juggling my physical/mental health and transition as well as parenting and socialising more. Basically I want a gallery of stuff to trickle out rather than doing it every week under pressure rather than when it comes to me, as whenever I have pressure to deliver I lose my imagination and just feel like it’s a chore so avoid it. I’m sure other creatives can relate!

Likewise I’m sitting back and reading again to unwind again and haven’t caught up with everything I’m reading yet but I’ve got numerous things In The Works I’m taking more time on rather than rushing out chapters such as:

• The NYE one shot for Orange Juice in the Studio~

• Chapter 3 “A Date In The City” of Orange Juice in the Studio, essentially the ~teaser~ Aquarium and ice cream parlour date where I finally introduce supporting character into the actual story who works at the parlour! I don’t know when I’ll be introducing Mama but they are on the horizon for sure. I’m currently busy researching real locations in Valencia and I’ve never been so I don’t have in person reference and am sourcing that online. I’m also researching top LGBT+ hang out locations/clubs in the city to make appearances in the storyline.

• ORANGE JUICE IN THE STUDIO CHARACTER INFO SHEETS!!! Exciting.

Here I’ll give lots of what you need to know about OC and Reader! I’m wondering if I should not make one though for Reader or ask for engagement from my actual readers of Who Reader Is To Them, as well, the whole point of the character is to depict You as a reader, and those who relate to what I write can get on board. I will make a mock up one for sure and be loose with it as a rule! Or leave out absolute details like “star sign” or height or something.~

• Beginning work on the AU “HorrorLand! The Isle of Marionettes”! This will be about the Orange Juice OCs. As you can tell, it’ll be slightly gory horror fiction, somewhere to express my love for horror and things but not canon. Just a little fun.

• Designing what will be in my monthly newsletter which only Bronze subscribers will get for yours truly to enjoy!

• Weekly updates to my pixivFANBOX, with my manga style art specifically. My pixivFANBOX is for my manga art style only, my other types of art can be found on zer0comicz IG, and Zer0 Comics on Facebook, or posted on here. This is my official name for my freelance illustration/comic business.

• I’ll try getting some new commissions up I’ve got of OC and Reader on here and/or on @crimsonyoukai , if not that, I’ll make some mock ups on PiCrew whilst I’m doing my own.

• Tiered FANs will be getting The Monthly Marionette+, this begins after the first month of being a patron on Bronze, Silver (to be set up) and Gold (to be set up). I’ll announce when the newsletter is starting to air!

You can get early teasers for chapters of OJITS posted on my pixivFANBOX as well too on Bronze tier, I’m not posting teasers so much on here anymore until I’ve aired it for protection of my work etc.

My Ao3 profile for writing updates!

Any queries or questions or anything you’d like to know in general or what you may like to also see from me, please feel free to drop them into my Ask Box!

I have commissions open for art likewise. Each custom piece is £5, £10 for more detailed works, which I offer postage for the original or a print. Tattoo designs are £25 each.

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aspenispoplar · 1 year ago

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Spoilers for all of Outer Wilds below the cut (just the base game though)

tl;dr of this post: If you have not played Outer Wilds please play it if you can. It had such a profound effect on me as a person and my philosophy. It spoke to me in a way that no other game has before or since, and I don't think it spoke to anyone else who played it in exactly the same way.

Outer Wilds was the first game that I really felt like I was roleplaying as I played it. Way more than any other games like Fallout or Skyrim. As soon as I woke up, I really felt like the world around me and the planet I was on and the people around me were things I should cherish and honor as real things. Timber Hearth just felt like Home to me. The music, the atmosphere, the community of people, everything.

When I opened up the ship's log, I found rumor mode really quickly, and as soon as I found out what it was for, I was really excited about having my very own Pepe Silvia board.

I delved deep into the mysteries and I was trying to figure out puzzles and wrap my head around the plot long after I had turned the game off. I even went to sleep near the starting campfire for a cycle one time just to figure out exactly how much time I had with my own calculations. Counting the 22 minutes on my own, before finding Nomai writings mentioning the same exact timeframe was such a unique experience, and I loved it.

At first, my goal was to just study the Nomai and figure out what happened to them, but pretty soon it evolved into a goal to figure out everything I could about the universe I was in. The more I learned about the Nomai's, the more I related to them. Not only did they have interpersonal and important relationships like people do, they also had the same goal as me. They just went about it in a way of trying to blow up the sun in order to power a time machine and learn from the future. When I went on my pilgrimage to the Quantum Moon and learned about the Nomai motto of "identify and explain", I felt so seen tbh.

I expected that once I had learned everything there was to know about the solar system, I would have a way to save it from the supernova. It only seemed natural, right?

When I visited the sun station, and read about how it failed, it honestly didn't register to me for a bit. I was still in denial that the universe could be ending. It took a couple Nomai writings, as well as the entry about stars in the Hearthian museum for it to really set in. I couldn't save the universe.

After that, I stopped playing the game for a while entirely. Whenever I thought about the game, all I could think of was different ways that I could try and save my fellow Hearthians, even though from an outside perspective, I knew they weren't things that were in the game.

At that point, I had everything I needed to finish the game. I had explored the Ash Twin Project, I had found my way to the Nomai Vessel, and I had connected the dots of using the ATP Warp Drive to warp to the Eye, but I was too scared of ending the loop and dying for real to actually do it.

In the end though, it was the same thing that originally enraptured me in the game that brought me back. Curiosity. I still hadn't explored the Quantum Moon, and so I woke up and explored all the nooks and crannies of my ship's log that I hadn't solved yet. I learned the quantum rules and embarked on my pilgrimage, just as the Nomai who were so alike to me had done before.

After meeting Solanum (and maybe having a bit of an existential crisis at the sight of an actual living (enough) Nomai), I was inspired by enough curiosity about the Eye of the Universe to overcome my fear (it may have also taken a quick search on the wiki to make sure I wouldn't lose all my signalscope frequencies and my rumor board if I died)

The entire experience of the ending was really moving. It evoked such a wonderful sense of melancholy, but also of acceptance and catharsis that made everything feel final.

The fact that all of my friends and the people I had met over my travels were there was so heartwarming and made me feel that same feeling of Home.

The epilogue, though, made me feel more than possibly anything else has. Just seeing that one image of a new people roasting marshmallows around a campfire filled me with so much hope that it still makes me smile whenever I think about it.

Something which I think is very indicative of my whole playthrough of the game is the fact that I never learned meditation from Gabbro until after I had finished the whole game.

Most of my mindset when playing the game was very.. focused. I did enjoy smelling the flowers and watching the beauty of the game, but I refused to spend even a single cycle meditating with Gabbro because I was so focused on my goal of identifying and explaining everything I could.

Only after I had sat by a campfire at the end of everything, and be forced to accept the fact that I can't save the universe. Only after that could I realize that taking that moment to sit and calm down- to accept life how it is before trying to change it, can stop me from worrying myself to death about all the things I can't change.

#outer wilds #long post #outer wilds spoilers

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tealenko · 2 years ago

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Didn't Have the Heart (Chapter 7)

Chapter 7: In the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

Hey there, sorry it took me two months to write anything... Most of you already know, but if you don't, and you want to, you can check the notes of this in AO3.

Hope you like this btw XDDDD

Summary: Traynor and Kaidan play chess and discuss their respective love lifes, not knowing that they both share the center of the latter... But not for too long. And of course, James Vega is in there too, because everyone knows that an awkward conversation is always improved by the presence of someone that isn't afraid to make fun of it.

Words: 7897 Rating: Teens and up Warnings: language, of course

Read in AO3 -> [link]

Previous Chapter -> [link] Next Chapter -> [link] All Chapters -> [link] Through Hell and Back series -> [link]

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Samantha hops, just a little every few steps, while she leads a straight path to the crew quarters, keeping her portable chess board folded under her arm.

All the sadness she felt a few seconds ago, when Shepard told her she wouldn’t be able to join her, has now been dissipated by the possibility of meeting her at the Citadel the next time they’re on leave.

A whole evening with Shepard…

A big smile grows on her face as she thinks about it.

Maybe, if the mood is right, I’ll tell her everything… She says inside her head, fantasizing with many fictional scenarios where she lets her win a game and Shepard is so happy that she falls for her head over heels. Yeah… Maybe I will.

She’s tried to tell her before, without any success, despite all the hints the young comm specialist keeps throwing in her direction at any given chance.

She is extremely busy. Traynor usually tells herself. Way too many responsibilities on her shoulders to be even bothered with something as mundane as a love life.

Samantha's pace starts to fasten, almost like her feet are instinctively trying to keep up with the speed of her train of thoughts.

Or maybe… Maybe she isn’t interested in me…

She enters the room with all this looping endlessly on her mind, counting and reliving every single occasion where she’s been more than direct about her feelings.

No, no… I even hit on her while I was in her shower, for crying out loud. She continues while taking a seat at one of the free tables. She would’ve said something if she knew… So she surely doesn’t.

Traynor stays like that for a while, with all her inner monologue taking all of her energies, completely forgetting why she went there in the first place. So, when Kaidan sits in front of her and asks about her chess set, that she is still storing under her arm, it takes her a little while before she’s able to understand what’s really happening.

“...at it?” She hears him say as she comes back slowly to reality.

“What!?”

Kaidan stares at her for a second and smiles, amused by her reaction.

“Sorry…” She apologizes, touching the back of her neck, a bit ashamed of her own reply. “I was… Distracted.”

“I can tell that much.”

The general confusion in Samantha’s head deepens even more.

They haven’t talked too much to each other since the major joined, or better said, re-joined the crew of the Normandy. So having him choose to sit along with her it’s a novelty she wasn’t expecting.

Nevertheless, it feels nice to have someone to talk to right now, despite their difference in rank, and his chuckles seem to be contagious enough to make her smile too, allowing her to relax a little bit.

“I asked: Are you any good at it?” He repeats, pointing at the chess set.

“I… Yeah… Yes I am.” She says without a hint of hesitation about her statement, happy by the prospect of meeting someone else willing to talk about the game. “Do you play, Major?”

“I used to, before I went to… Yes.” He quickly censors himself. “My mum taught me the rules back when I was a kid… We used to play a game every night after dinner. I kept the habit… When I had the time, of course.”

She looks at him as he talks, not expecting Kaidan to be this grounded nor open after comparing him with all the majors she’s crossed paths through her short life in the Alliance.

“Haven’t played in a few years, though.”

“Oh.” She starts saying, extremely excited. “We need to fix that, then.”

“You sure? I wouldn’t like to impose.”

“Please… You just made my day!” Samantha says euphorically, placing the set on top of the table and starting to set the pieces. “Do you know how difficult it is to find someone to play with aboard an Alliance ship?”

She finishes preparing everything and, when she raises her head to look back at him, she finds him smiling once again.

“Of course, of course you know… You've been doing this for lots of years.” She takes a second to reflect on her last sentence. “I mean, many years… Well… Not many…”

Traynor’s words crash ungracefully against one another, sinking her quickly into a pit of embarrassment and despair.

“I meant that you are old… I mean er.” She corrects herself again. “Old-er… Older than me, so you obviously know what… What…”

Kaidan, who has been observing the train wreck live while it happened, can’t avoid laughing at the whole situation, unable to keep it together any longer.

“At ease, Traynor…” He says between chuckles. “You don't need to go on… I know what you were trying to say.”

“Okay…” She says, completely defeated by her own inability to engage in a normal conversation. “Sorry about…”

“Ah, it’s okay.” Kaidan interrupts her while casting a reassuring smile. “Besides, you’re right. I must be… What? More than ten years older than you?”

“Well…”

“And we can’t deny that I’ve been doing this for a long time.” He gives a soft pat on her arm. “Come on, I have time for a game… Let’s play some chess.”

That’s all he needs to say.

By the time they choose which piece each one of them is gonna use, she’s already forgotten about how awkward the situation was just a few seconds ago.

She’s still not completely relaxed but, as the minutes pass, she gets more comfortable with their conversation and starts to share more about herself and inquire more about the men that’s seated now in front of her.

The game goes ahead slowly but surely, for almost half an hour, but suddenly stops dry a few seconds after they pass that mark.

Half of the white pieces have been eliminated by Kaidan, and half of the black ones by the younger soldier, who now, with a subtle smile crossing though her face, foresees her victory as she looks at how the major is staring at the board with a thoughtful demeanor.

“Well… You said you were good at it…” He recalls, after readjusting his posture and letting out a big sigh. “You weren’t lying.”

Samantha's smile deepens right away, feeling proud of her skills.

She didn’t know what to expect when they started the game but, now that she’s seen him in action, she’s finding in him a worthy opponent she wasn’t expecting to find in a regular Alliance soldier. So hearing him say that is more moving than she could’ve ever expected at the beginning or their match.

“No, I wasn’t.” She adds while crossing her fingers and resting her head on top of them, waiting patiently as she watches him struggling to find a good getaway.

Or at least that’s what she thinks, until he exceeds all expectations with his next movement.

After what seems the longest minute in his life, Kaidan, which has seen himself forced to find a new tactic in order to survive in the game, finally finds a new way to approach his strategy and, with a smile now where not so long ago there was only focus, takes the black bishop and makes his move.

“Oh my…” Samantha says, with her smile completely vanished as she reevaluates the new state of the board. “That was brilliant.”

“Thanks.”

He sits back a little and relaxes, and it’s now his turn to feel proud after getting a compliment of this significance from such a skilled player.

“I see you weren’t kidding either when you said you played quite a lot as a child.”

“Ah yeah… And as a teen too… It is really a great practice for biot… It’s good to have something else to focus on…”

Traynor nods, not knowing what else to do.

If she isn’t usually good at normal chatter, even when she talks to her friends, she is definitely not prepared to engage in such a serious topic with a superior officer that is more than ten years older and whose number of ranks above her is almost equal to said age gap.

So she decides to focus on the game, which she definitely needs to do if she doesn't want to lose now that odds are no longer in her favor.

They keep playing for ten more minutes, both of them choosing their movements with way more care than before after that significant switch in their play dynamics.

With each decision they make the situation of the pieces gets more convoluted, to the point where both players are no longer sure of which side the scale will tend to balance to.

After five more minutes of well thought out moves, the board becomes unplayable, which doesn’t surprise either of them, after being struggling for many minutes now to defend both their position and their pieces.

What does amaze Kaidan is the sigh of relief made by his opponent, who suddenly extends her hand and offers it to him.

“Stalemate.” She indicates, with a hint of contentment, excited to be able to survive the outcome of their little chess battle.

He nods, smiles, and takes her hand, spending a moment there before sighing and leaning back on his chair, pinning his eyes to the board in the meantime, still not believing he’s managed to recover from a certain doom.

“What the fuck is st… Stal… Well, whatever she just said.”

James Vega makes his entrance on scene, loud and unannounced, as he always is, while chewing a protein bar and pulling up a chair from another table to sit along with them.

“Stalemate…” Samantha repeats, a bit shocked by the sudden appearance of the leftenant.

“Come on, guys…” James shakes his head a couple of times giving them a disapproving look. “I know the basics… Like move the horsies in Ls and the pointy guys in diagonal… But really? Stalemate?”

He says with a half faked surprised tone of voice.

“And then you go and wonder where you geeks get your reputation to begin with.” He adds while laughing, taking a second to calm down before repeating the term one more time in disbelief. “Stalemate… The things you hear.”

Astonished feels short to describe the impact of his comment on Traynor. Kaidan, on the other hand, already too used to the way James operates, breaks into laughter right away, giving him a couple of pats on the back to welcome him to the table.

“You’re still in time to get up and search for a better party, James…” He says before shrugging his shoulders. “No one is forcing you to sit here.”

“Ha!” Vega replies right away, hitting the top of the table a couple times as the other two witness how some of the pieces fall to the ground because of it. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily, Jefe…” After a few seconds he catches up on the consequence of his sudden movement. “Uy… Sorry.”

“Heavens, Vega… You’re like a loose bull in a china shop.” Kaidan replies, half amused by his own comment, while leaning a bit to recover the lost pieces. “We still love you, though.”

“Oh gee… Thanks boss.” He replies with a big smile on his face, faking to be enraptured by his sentence. “Should we ermm… Find a free cot or something?”

Samantha's jaw drops just a little for a moment, not truly believing the level of informality that James is displaying, but all the wall down to the groung once she hears Kaidan’s reply to it.

“Ahhhhrggg… Shut the fuck up, Jimmy.”

The sudden and straightforward reply takes Vega by surprise, who instantly explodes in a burst of laughter that only needs to resound through the entire room for a few seconds before Kaidan joins in.

Traynor, despite her general shock after seeing the whole exchange flashing in front of her, starts laughing too, once the fear of overstepping a line she shouldn’t cross starts to fade away with the chuckles of the two friends, that sit now in front of her, trying their best to breath and laugh at the same time.

“It’s a tie, by the way…” Kaidan says once he’s able, having to clean a rogue tear in the process.

“What?”

“Stalemate…” He clarifies. “It’s a type of draw…”

“Of course, of course…” Vega replies, faking to have known the answer since the beginning. “Everyone knows that.”

He smiles at them before he continues talking.

“So… None of you loses? That sounds easy.”

“Quite the contrary…” Samantha finally says, after mustering some courage to intervene, but not enough to be able to finish her statement. Gratefully for her, Kaidan takes a step forward to do it on her behalf.

“A draw means that we’ve played at a similar level… Which after seeing her in action,” he adds while pointing at Traynor “believe me, cannot be described as anything that comes remotely close to easy.”

She blushes a little and smiles, doing her best to receive the compliment, while both of them look at her reaction.

“Oh, you must be great then, Sam. Our boss here wouldn’t say so if it wasn’t true.”

“Thanks…”

“It is true.” Kaidan replies right away. “Had to try my best, and even then…”

“So she’s better?” Vega tries to tease him once again but, unfortunately for him, his friend instantly agrees with his statement.

“Yeah, I’d say so…”

“Well, I won’t.” She says now, getting more comfortable with them as the conversation moves forward. “It was a draw.”

“Only because I took you by surprise mid game. I don’t think that strategy would work again.” He argues back, pretty convinced that he isn’t the better player. “The only reason I didn’t lose is because you didn’t know what to expect… Now you do.”

“Do I? I think you have more aces up your sleeve that I haven’t seen yet… Plus, you were playing black.”

“Well, that is true…” He smiles, granting that point to her. “But that doesn’t contradict my initial argument though… You were amazing.”

“Well… Thanks again, Major… ”

“In fact, I take it that you’re the one that won against Shepard… Am I right?”

Samantha’s expression collapses for just one second, shocked by the conclusion that the major has reached on his own after spending so little time with her.

“How on Earth do you know that?”

Kaidan tries to hold his smile at the beginning, fixing his focus in rearranging the pieces of the board back into their places, but after a few seconds of general silence, he can’t avoid letting out a few chuckles.

“I just knew something of sorts happened.” He finally adds, giving his words a mysterious tone, amused by the accuracy of his deduction.

“But how..? Well… I mean, you’re completely right.” She replies, half amazed, half confused. “In fact, I really crushed her in more than one game.”

“I imagined that much…” He says now with a sweet but somehow cheeky smile on his face, now that he's processed all the gathered data and joined it all together. “Hope you enjoyed it though… Cause I don’t think it won’t happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nevermind…”

“Oh no…” Vega enters the conversation once again after his brief recess, ready to resume his strike against his friend. “You cannot say something like that and then keep it to yourself…” He takes a small pause, dedicating a moment to analyze all he’s said. “Although… I think I may know which way the wind is blowing…”

“I do not.”

Traynor intervenes, with way more determination than before, getting both more comfortable and more interested with the topic at hand.

“Please?” She adds in a begging tone that manages to deepen Kaidan’s smile, who spends a few moments considering if he should explain himself.

After a short wait, and analyzing all there is to say, he decides in favor.

“Well…” Kaidan finally says, directing his sentence to Samantha. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed this yet… But Shepard doesn’t like to lose.”

“Except with Scars, right?” Vega interrupts with a smile, after seeing that he did know indeed which way the wind was blowing. “Our Lola has a soft heart behind all that muscle.”

“What?” Traynor asks, completely out of the loop.

“She let Garrus win a shooting competition they had back on the citadel…” Kaidan translates for her.

Samantha smiles for a second, finding it heartwarming that, besides her supposed love for winning, she let her friend win in a direct competition.

“I see…”

Nevertheless, once the whole story has sat in her mind for a few moments, she freezes in place, quickly coming to the obvious conclusion.

“Wait a second, are you telling me she could’ve lost on purpose when she played with me? Just out of sympathy?”

“She could’ve…” Kaidan smiles one more time. “But believe me, she didn’t.”

“How’d you know?”

“Well…” He laughs again. “Same reason I knew you beat her.”

Samantha looks at him with pleading eyes, still extremely confused, silently begging him to tell the whole story, which has the intended outcome, making him smile even more before finally telling the rest of the tale.

“Found her training a week ago… She spent hours going around the same game. Asked if I could teach her too… Now I can see why.” He starts laughing, very amused by the whole story, by the fact that Shepard wanted to win so much that she asked for his help, and by the change in Traynor’s expression after hearing his statement. “And sooner or later she’s gonna find a way to defeat you… That’s for sure.”

She analyzes this data with care, replaying old conversations and moments of the past inside of her head.

“I mean… It’s a given that she has to be competitive to do what she does, and be where she is… But I just don’t see it.” She declares, after considering all the facts she knows. “There’s simply no way… No one gets that invested after losing only a few games of chess.”

James smiles, and Kaidan laughs, and even if that wasn’t enough for her to understand how mistaken she is, she gets a clear confirmation right after that.

“We are talking about Shepard.”

Kaidan states, like is as clear for anyone else as it is for him.

“Shepard… Who is, up to this day, the record to beat on the Alliance training academy and the the youngest soldier to survive the N7 program. Commander Shepard, first human specter… Who still mocks me because it took me three years more than her to become the second one… That Shepard.”

Vega starts laughing but doesn’t add anything, too invested in Kaidan’s improvised speech.

“The one that committed mutiny just to beat Saren, the one that joined Ceberus just to beat the collectors… And the one who’s literally pacifying the entire universe in order to beat the reapers.”

Samantha doesn’t say anything either, too entranced by all he’s saying.

“And sure, she did all of that for a bigger cause than her…” Kaidan adds, lowering the tone of his voice a little. “Always ready to sacrifice everything about herself if that means she can save someone else, of course. But winning, though… Winning will always be a part of the whole equation for her.”

Everything said makes a lot of sense now that she has a clearer narrative of her personality, and Traynor starts to wonder why she hasn't seen this about her on her own.

“So… She needs to win against anyone?” She asks, accepting all this new information.

“No, worse… And way more difficult.” He replies right away. “She needs to win against herself.”

What seems fairly obvious to Kaidan, it isn’t for his two friends. For him it is as easy to see as it is to notice that she’s blonde or that her eyes sparkle like emeralds when the ambient light of a room reflects on them.

So he talks about it with a calm tone, explaining her will to fight as if he was describing her clothes or her armor. He just tells it as he sees it.

“It’s the main reason she’s leading this shitshow…” Kaidan says to begin his final argument, still not aware that he’s the only one who is able to see it. “We have no possibility of winning and she doesn’t really know the rules of the game… But she’s just gonna play it until she wins. Because that’s how she’s wired.”

There’s no one left in the crew quarters aside from them at this point so, now that neither of them is talking, there’s a heavy silence that spreads through the whole room for what seems like an eternity.

Or at least there is, until James decides to break it.

“You seem to know the commander pretty well, Jefe…”

Kaidan sighs and covers it up with great skill, not showing any sign of worry or anger on his face or in the tone of his voice.

“Well… Yeah…” He just admits. “Been friends with her for almost five years now… It’s a lot of time to get to know someone.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…” Vega adds, marveled by the stoic reaction his friend had to his teasing.

Kaidan switches up his omni-tool for a few seconds to look at the time.

“Great… Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

He stands up, ready to say goodbye and carry on with his day, but Traynor interrupts him before he has the chance to do so.

“You have to leave?” She asks in a pleading tone. “Don’t you wanna play another one?”

He smiles in an apologetic way, moving one of his hands to touch the back of his neck.

“No, sorry… I should’ve left already. I have like an hour left before I go back on duty… And I should discuss a few things with the commander before going back to work.”

Luckily for him Traynor is too focused in finding something to convince him to stay, being the only person she’s found aboard the ship that has any idea of how to play, that she doesn’t see Vega’s expression, grinning from ear to ear, understanding the deeper meaning of Kaidan’s words. Nor the reaction of this one, sending the leftenant a frozen gaze.

“The commander seemed busy…” She finally says, after searching for almost a minute for an excuse to make him stay, feeling now more grateful that Shepard couldn’t join them after all. “We crossed paths on her way to the bridge… Apparently she had something she wanted to discuss with Joker, Major.”

Kaidan sighs, drops his shoulders and, after a few moments of hesitation, decides to sit again on his chair, taking Samantha’s offer.

James laughs, understanding the hidden truth behind Kaidan’s reaction, which quickly wins him a strong kick under the table, that stops him from taking the whole thing even further.

Traynor smiles, happy to be able to play another game, rotating the board so that she is the one playing with black pieces this time around.

“Well, I guess I’m free for a couple games then… And you don’t have to call me by my rank Traynor, especially when we’re off duty.” He tells her, while making sure every piece is facing the correct way.

“Oh… I see.” She’s taken aback by his comment, hesitating a bit before being able to give a reply. “I’ll try my best, but it may be a bit weird for me at the beginning.”

“If you want any help with…” Vega starts saying, but it’s quickly interrupted, once again, by Kaidan.

“No thanks… You’re far too gone on the other end, Jimmy.”

They all break into laughter one by one. First James, then Kaidan, and finally Samantha, who is now feeling like she’s just one more of the crew.

“Wanna see how it’s done, Sam?” Vega tells her, already prepared to resume his strike against his friend. “Anything new in your life, Jefe? Something worth telling?”

“You shouldn’t tease the major, James…” Traynor says, worried Vega is crossing a line he shouldn’t, completely unaware that he has already crossed it a thousand times, to the point where making fun of Kaidan’s love life is one of the few sources of amusement left for him.

“Ah… He’s used to worse than that, right Jefe?”

He laughs as his poor friend shakes his head, wondering for a second how his life has come to this.

“What about you, Traynor?” Kaidan asks, trying his best to change the topic of the conversation. “You seemed to be in another world when I sat here… Anything eating you up?”

“I’m okay.”

“Hey Sam... You can feel free to share any of your worries with us if you need to.”

“Sure… Like the whole ship isn’t gonna find out about my personal stuff in record time if I tell it to you.”

“Oh, I thought I was trustworthy…” Kaidan replies in a mocking tone, faking to be offended.

“No, sir… Not you!” Samantha panics for a second and tries her best to explain herself, not understanding that he is joking. “Vega is the one I’m worried about.”

The two men break into laughter as she stares at them deeply confused.

“Don’t mind him, Traynor… He's messing up with you.” James pats Kaidan on the shoulder and turns a little to talk to him. “Oh my, Lola really is a bad influence on you, isn’t she? You need to make more friends, Jefe.”

“You guys complain when I’m serious… Complain when I joke… There’s no way to keep you happy.” Alenko smiles as he says this, looking at how Traynor starts to calm down after understanding everything.

“I see…” She starts saying. “Well then…”

“Now seriously, you can tell us anything you wish to, right leftenant?”

“Ohhh, yeah… Trust me, I am amazing at keeping secrets, right major?”

Kaidan nearly chokes after hearing this last comment, and Vega nearly chokes after seeing his reaction to it. Nevertheless, and luckily for both of them, whatever is worrying Samantha, is strong enough to keep her attention from this idiotic picture.

She is in fact so deep into her own mind that, by the time the two friends are able to compose themselves, she’s still sinking deep into her worries.

“Ey, Traynor, sure you’re okay?” Kaidan inquiries, starting to realize the true gravity of the situation.

“Yeah…” She forces an awkward smile that doesn’t succeed in convincing anyone that she isn’t preoccupied.

“Yo, Sam.” James tells her, getting a little closer. “I know we joke a lot, and we, or at least I, cannot promise to be completely serious if you decide to tell us anything… But one thing we can assure you, that I’m sure the boss here will agree with me, it’s that, whatever it is you want to get off your chest, we’ll keep it to ourselves.”

“I…” She hesitates, tempted by the offer. “Well… It’s not the kind of thing one discusses out loud… And even less with superior officers.”

“Come on, Traynor.” Kaidan smiles at her, which she softly replies. “If you follow that rule you won’t be able to talk to most of the ship about anything… And besides, I see you talking to Shepard all the time… So don’t use rank as an excuse.”

“I guess you’re right…”

“Of course I’m right.” He adds, winning a bigger smile from her on this try. “Come on, Vega, back me up.”

“Erm?” He shakes his head a couple of times before rejoining the conversation. “Ah, yeah… Sorry. My rank has never been intimidating enough to scare anyone, so I was enjoying the moment while it lasted.”

He laughs at his own comment while Kaidan pushes him away a little.

“God you’re an idiot.”

“And you need to stop spending so much time with the commander, her phrases are starting to stick on you.”

This time around all of them laugh for a few seconds, lightening the mood enough for Traynor to feel comfortable with, at least, considering the idea of opening up to them.

“Well… The thing is…”

She struggles to talk and, while Kaidan does his best to be patient and give her all the time she needs until she’s ready, like he’s used to with Shepard, James, on the other hand, decides to intervene with a decisive strike.

“This is about your love life, isn’t it?”

“Arrrrmmm…”

Traynor states, with all her thoughts collapsing as her brain tries its best to find something to deny that statement but, after a few seconds of general shock, her mind gives up on the whole situation and surrenders to the truth.

“Humm.” She coughs right before she sighs, shaking her head a couple of times before finally answering. “There may be some… Yes.” She admits, assuming her defeat. “You’re, indeed, right. ”

Vega laughs a little but not as much as she expects him to and, also to her surprise, Kaidan just gives her a sympathetic smile and a nod, letting her know that whatever she’s feeling right now is as valid as anything else that’s happening around them.

“Feels wrong, doesn’t it?” He tells her, hitting right on target without even aiming. “To harbor this kind of feeling while the universe is crumbling.”

She nods while staring at him, in awe of his words, to the verge of crying because of them.

Kaidan leans back a little on his seat, taking a moment to breathe.

“You aren’t the first one to fall in love in the middle of a crossfire Samantha… Nor the last… And…” He looks up for a second, to save his words from choking on his throat. “And this… This is the kind of thing that no one will be able to take away from us… Not even the war.”

He smiles at her once again although, this time around, he’s the one with teary eyes.

“Wow, Jefe.” James says, breaking the spell a little, despite the good intention behind his interruption. “I’m starting to see why she…”

Vega stops just a second before Kaidan stops him, raising his hands a bit as an apology to the mayor.

“I mean…” He coughs a little, trying to win time to think of something else to say. “I’ve never seen this side of you.”

As expected, it’s too late, and he’s said too much to make it impossible for her not to notice.

“Speaking from personal experience, I’m guessing?”

“Is there any chance that you’d believe me if I said no?” Samantha laughs at his comments as she shakes her head as an answer to his question. Kaidan, in the meantime, sighs and turns a little to talk directly to James.“Thanks a lot, Vega.”

His friend looks at him with a remorseful look on his eyes, a view of the lieutenant that Kaidan has never seen before since they’ve known each other.

“Sorry boss, I didn’t mean to…”

“Ah, it’s okay…” He instantly replies, shrugging his shoulders a little. “At least this time there wasn’t ill intentions or alcohol involved in the whole situation.”

“Sorry what…?”

That’s all they hear her ask before the couple of friends break into laughter in perfect unison, with Samantha looking at them like they're crazy, which doesn’t help their situation either.

“Context, please?” She asks with her sweetest voice, trying her best to get a reply to a question she knows will remain unanswered.

But she is wrong once again.

James puts his thumb and his index finger together while crossing them across his mouth, indicating his lips are sealed, and he even imitates the sound of a zipper while doing the action. But Kaidan, who has already come to terms with the fact that he’s gonna have to endure this kind of experience as long as he is friends with Vega, decides to put it all out in the open and tell a sum up of the whole story as raw as it gets.

“Ah, it’s really nothing. Just that the other day this knucklehead here and his turian bestie decided to get me as drunk as possible in order to interrogate me about my love life.”

Traynor is so shocked by that statement that she half snorts half chokes after hearing it, a direct consequence of her body not knowing if she should gasp or laugh, which finally displays a mix of the two of them accompanied with a sound of surprise.

“Oh no…” She immediately feels bad for the poor Kaidan, and is almost capable of picturing the whole evening inside her head, only ignoring the identity of the person that became the main topic of their teasing in said scenario.

“Oh yes.” He replies right away.

They all laugh now for the fiftieth time this evening, but each one has their own personal reason to do so.

Samantha is just in awe at the whole story, not fully understanding how the major keeps putting up with his friends’ shenanigans.

James is feeling extremely proud of his teasing skills and extremely grateful of how gracefully his victim is enduring them so far.

Kaidan, who has already come to terms with everything, is now able to see the fun and laugh about all the good that come along with the bad of having a man-child as one of his closest friends.

“Do we know the lucky lady?” She asks, feeling confident enough to let her curiosity get the best of her, after succeeding on getting an answer the first time around. “Or the lucky gentleman?”

Before anything else is said, Kaidan, as fast as a lightning, moves his hand on top of Vega’s chest, knowing him too well by now, while keeping his eyes on Traynor, who can’t avoid but smiling after seeing this happening in front of her eyes.

“I think we… “He says, with his arm still locking James to his seat. “Already know more than enough.” He turns, with his hand frozen in place, and looks directly at him. “Don’t we, Vega?”

“Yep.” He replies along with a smile. “Yes, we do.”

They both laugh, and Kaidan relaxes and returns to his previous posture now that he’s managed to keep his private life somewhat still private, at least for the time being.

“Sorry, Traynor.” He says right after, acknowledging the truth behind his words. “But I’d like to keep this bit for myself, at least for now.”

“Of course, of course.” She replies, almost feeling bad after hearing him say that out loud. “It’s your personal life… I was just curious…” She struggles a little and laughs, trying her best to come up with the proper words to express herself.

After a second of hesitation, and a deep breathing, she tries again.

“I won’t deny that I’m kinda dying to know who you’re talking about…” She says, taking a moment before she continues. “But what I was really going to ask you, no pressure to answer me if you don’t want to, is if what you are feeling, for this person, is indeed corresponded.”

The two men listen to her with care, taking in all she’s saying, while she continues with her explanation.

“What you said earlier… About being caught in a crossfire… Really helped me more than I could’ve ever imagined. It’s almost like you saw a weight on my back, that I didn't even know I was carrying and took it away without me even asking for help.”

Another pause, another deep breath.

“And after all that… After spending what’s left of your little free time here, just to try and see if I’m okay… Well… I guess I just wanted to do the same for you.”

“Oh gee… Thanks Traynor, I don’t know what to say…”

“Well, you are welcome…”A flicker of hesitation. “...Alenko.”

“Weeeeeehhh!” Kaidan and James celebrate at the same time, glad to see her getting more comfortable and familiar with them, and that she’s finally managed to call him something different than his rank or sir.

Samantha gives them a full smile, thanking her past self for her decision of coming to the crew quarters to rest, extremely happy to have, not only found an equal match to play against, but also two new friends to share her worries with.

“And thanks to you too, guys… Really. I needed to spend an evening like this one more than I thought.”

“Happy to help, Sam.”

“Same here, Traynor...” Kaidan adds, taking a moment to analyze everything said. “And… In regards to my love life, if you really wanna know, there’s nothing to worry about… In fact, seems to be the only thing going well in the universe right now.”

“I’m happy to hear that…”

She says, thinking they’ll wrap up the conversation here and will go back to play chess.

Nevertheless, after everything said and asked, every question and answer and comment in between, Samantha’s mood starts to make a lot more sense to Kaidan, who, after taking a necessary couple of seconds to wrap together his whole theory, decides to prove his thesis.

“Wait a minute…” He starts the process slowly, with few loose ends still untied in his head. “You said before you were having love issues, didn’t you?”

Strike one.

Traynor is about to deflect the whole thing, but Kaidan gets ahead before she’s able to do so.

“Do yours have anything to do with what you asked me?” He thinks out loud, discovering the truth while he exposes it. “Is this an unrequited love thing?”

Strike two.

Her eyelids open as wide as they can and she freezes in place, not knowing what else to do.

“That’s why you were sitting here all sad on your own?”

Strike three, eliminated.

Samantha gives up and lets her body fall forward, elbows on top of the table. Using her hands to support all her weight as her head rests on them.

“I don’t know if it’s unrequired…” She says in a regretful tone of voice, unable to keep the truth to herself any longer. “No matter how many times I tried, I’ve never asked directly… I mean how could I?”

She raises her head a little to look at them.

“And despite how many times I think I’ve left my intentions clear… Nothing, she doesn’t get it.”

James and Kaidan remain silent, not wanting to interrupt her now that she’s finally opening up to them.

“I’ve tried with double meanings, and praises, and flirting… Holy shit, I even managed to get into her shower with a perfect valid excuse, and I still don’t have any idea of what the fuck is Shepard thin…”

Her speech stops dry the second her name tumbles its way out of her mouth, while the realization that she’s made a huge mistake crushes against her, cursing now her past self for all the prior decisions in her life.

“Shit… Shitshitshitshit…” She keeps repeating while strengthening the hold on her head, pushing from her hair almost as an involuntary punishment for not being able to keep this piece of the puzzle to herself. “Shit.”

The room is in complete silence for what seems like an eternity, but once again, Vega is the one to break it.

“So…” He says in the most casual tone he’s able to find. “Shepard, then.”

Kaidan looks away, not wanting to see Traynor’s reaction to that comment, feeling bad enough for the role he is going to have to play next.

Earth, eat me whole! He says to himself, never imagining he would find himself in this kind of situation.

“Well…” Samantha says, more calmed now, resting her back on her chair once again. “No way I can deny it now, no? So yeah… Shepard.”

A sigh escapes Kaidan’s body and James has to try his best not to break into laughter right in front of them, biting his bottom lip and counting to ten in his head in order to keep it together.

Despite his efforts, there’s a blatant smile there that he’s not able to contain, and it doesn’t take too long for Samantha to notice it.

“I’m not surprised that you think it’s funny… I must be crazy…”

“No, no… Of course not.” He denies instantly before she’s able to finish her sentence. “It’s just that… Well…”

He turns to look at Kaidan, which quickly proves to be a big mistake.

The sight of his friend, wanting to disappear as quickly as he’s able from this scenario, is way too funny for him to be able to suppress his feelings and, even though he only looks at him for a second, it’s enough for a combined snort and chuckle to come out of his body before he redirects his focus of attention somewhere else.

“It’s just that what?” She asks him with a soft tone of voice, with her residual embarrassment being slowly replaced by curiosity.

“Ermmmmm I don’t know how to tell you this, Sam… Emm… But I don’t think Lola is not into chicks.”

“I cannot believe we’re talking about this…” Kaidan says to himself while shaking his head, gathering all his will to be able to return to the conversation, redirecting his eyes back to look at his friends.

“Are you sure about that, James?” Traynor asks Vega.

“Are we sure about that, Jefe?” James asks Kaidan.

That does it for him. Kaidan starts to choke on his own words after hearing James’ question, and spends a long minute trying to recover his breathing and avoid dying from both lack of air and embarrassment.

Vega, in the meantime, is also struggling to survive, but the cause of his problems couldn’t be more far than the one affecting his friend, for if laughter is indeed the key to living a long time, James will surely be immortal by the time this conversation is over. As long as he remembers how to keep breathing.

Samantha just waits patiently, extremely confused, while her two friends try to recover, and her mind tries with all its power to make sense of what just happened in front of her.

Almost as it was scripted, everything develops right at the same time and, as both of them calm down, she starts to put two and two together inside her head.

One.

Kaidan’s speech about love starts to play now inside her head with a way more different light than before, uncovering hidden meaning she missed the first time around.

Two.

His knowledge about Shepard, the way she talked of her, showing that no one else was able to see through her as clearly as him.

And three.

He only stayed for a second game once he knew he couldn’t be with her, opposing no further hindrance the moment he realized she was busy somewhere else.

All these moments, and many more, click inside of Traynor’s mind and suddenly the whole evening starts to make more sense than she could’ve ever imagined.

And once Kaidan is able to calm down, and gather all the courage he needs for his next sentence, he instantly confirms her suspicions.

“I am sure…” He says, with the sweetest and softest voice he’s able to summon. “Sorry Traynor.”

“No, no… I’m sorry, I’m…”

She suddenly feels as awful as he does, both of them regretting everything they said during their conversation, and dreading the thought of speaking again and making the situation even worse.

Unfortunately for them, this long and uncomfortable silence gives James a lot of room to enter the conversation.

“Did you really get into Shepard’s show…?” That’s all he’s able to ask before Kaidan slaps him, hand wide open, on the back of his neck.

Despite the loud sound the hit doesn’t hurt Vega the slightest, but it’s more than enough to make him stop talking, ending up with the same expression that a kid makes when they know they’ve done something wrong.

That’s when the other two start laughing.

James’s reaction to the hit, the sudden silence after it, and the combined tension left in the air, mixes all into one big and unified chuckle that derives into many more.

After a few seconds of reflection, Vega joins the fun, acknowledging the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

And this way, with the three friends laughing it all out, they allow their new found joy to replace the nervousness that conquered the room not too long ago.

“Are we good then, Traynor?” Kaidan asks her once the situation has calmed a little.

“We’re good, Alenko.” She replies right away, dedicating him a new found smile. “May I ask you something, though?”

“Sure ‘bout that?” Vega says, still laughing. “Wanna go back there?”

“I’ll try to keep the uncomfortable levels as low as possible, I promise.” She says in between giggles.

“Sure…” He replies with a smile too. “Shoot.”

“Errmm… Do you think Shepard knows…”

“No, she doesn’t.” Kaidan reassures Traynor without hesitation. “I’m sure she has no idea… Believe me, she is really that oblivious when it comes to this… I’ve seen it before.”

“Good to know…”

“Plus, she would’ve never let you inside of her shower if she knew.”

“Oh God…” Is the only answer she gives to his comment, but the way she says it, laughing a bit at herself, quickly gets a positive reaction from her two friends, who quickly join her on her glee.

With this, both the conversation and the meeting come to their rightful ending, or so it seems until it doesn’t because, just as the laughs start to fade away, someone new it’s introduced into the small group.

“You guys seem to be having a very fun time…”

With the doors of the room now wide open, Garrus enters the crew quarters with a fastened pace, stopping right in front of their table.

“Sorry to interrupt the party, but I need to borrow you, Alenko… I mean if you're free. There’s something I’d like your advice on.”

“I have twenty minutes aprox before going back on duty… Is that enough?”

“I certainly hope so.”

Garrus giggles a bit, trying to downplay the situation, but the seriousness of his request doesn’t escape Kaidan, who quickly understands the importance of acting like he didn’t know about it.

“Well, there’s no time to waste then…” He stands slowly while looking at his friends. “And I think it’s a good move to retire now that we’re all good here.”

His two friends smile and Kaidan turns a little to face Samantha directly before resuming his goodbye.

“Because we are good, right?”

“Right.” She replies, deepening her smile.

“Cool… Just wanted to be sure.” He clarifies, taking a second to go back and replay the whole evening inside his head. “Ey, with all that’s happened and everything, we never got to that second game, Traynor.”

“True.” She adds before shrugging her shoulders a little. “Well, don’t worry Alenko. We’ll leave it for next time… Plus, that way you’ll have the opportunity to train more, you definitely need it.”

“Ohhhhhhhh…” James adds as he laughs, mocking him because of her response.

“Ey, she’s right…” Kaidan says, letting out a chuckle before nodding his head as a goodbye to both of them, ready to leave the room along with Garrus. “I could definitely use the practice.”

------------------------------------------

Yaaaaassss, next we have an Alenkarian fic!! Well not really... There's only bromance here... But you know what I mean. Also Javik will be back... Oh yeah, and Shepard. Believe it or not I do remember that this is a shenko fic... And yeah, there will be smut too eventually *shhhhhssss* don't tell anyone (although you'll have to wait till chapter nine for that) ehehehehee

I promise that, at least, that they’ll meet in the next chapter (you have my word).

By the way... Was this nice? Are you enjoying it?? Are you enjoying how much I'm dragging the story before the two main characters meet? Are you up for the slow burn? I mean, this whole fanfiction is supposed to be focussed on the reaction of the different members of the crew to their relationship... But of course, maybe it ‘s not to your liking... I mean, there's even the possibility that no one ever gets to read this. Are you? Are you reading this? Can… Can you even read this? Can I? Can you even tell that I've been recently playing the Stanley Parable way more than any sane human ever should?

No?

Well...

Maybe it's just me then.

#mass effect #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #shepard x kaidan #fshenko #mass effect 3 #femshep x kaidan #fanfic #yep... i'm totally making traynor jabber about her crash on shepard while completely oblivious that this is in fact a shenko fic!!!#Sorry... but I really needed to use that tag one more time XDDDDDDD

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