#It doesnt even matter
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sad part of liking a rarepair is that nobody sends fanart/posts to the group and then asks you to weigh in. they only send it to you specifically or you're the person always sending it
#hqve not indoctrinated the discord mutuqls into sunaosa#but its totally fine and im not upset sbout it#it doesnt even matter#bex thoughts
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thinking about metal gear solid might as well.just kill myself while I'm at it
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ahhh dude you dont know the joy of editing your own intro over and over again ... on that note watch me make a late ass intro post that no one gives a single SHIT about
#reaper rants ◇#i just wanna try out the most random shit for my intro. deal with that#its just gonna be for some link too#it doesnt even matter#just an aesthetic choice#goddamn
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@boomermania sent: OPERATOR ZEPHYR JOIN TASK FORCE SETH
"This is callsign Zephyr. Standing by for assignment. You can always count on me to... uh... wait."
"What was I signing up for again?
"Oh! Seth! You bet I'm there."
#boomermania#inbox :: answered ic#muse :: wylan#it doesnt even matter#fine print? regulations?#if he's needed for chaos he is obligated
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now that i think about it i have a huge fucking ego. anger issues. also my emotions change quickly and easily. most of the day feels dull. i dont think i even need sleep to function that much. i easily think people hate me . there's so much wrong with me . i thought i was free . i thought i had healed i thought i was finally confident . i thought i finally had good self esteem i thought i had learnt to keep ny emotions in check i thought i learnt to regulate them . but im still just as unhealthy i hate this i hate this i just want to be happy why do things keep repeating themselves why do i keep having the same fucking shit happen to me i am so tired please god i thought i was finally over all of that i thought i was free i thought i was free i thought i finally found what made me happy
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and oh the way you makeup stains my pillowcase (like i will never be the same)
pete with pink hair quoting of all the gin joints in all the world!!
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#just kinda rambling#i have to be a bridesmaid for a wedding#but like#the dysphoria is killing me#and im not being strong about it#but i have to push forward for the bride#despite the obligatory bridezilla activities she's been engaging in. but whatever. shes stressed#i just wish so desperately that it was me in that groomsmen group chat#im only a bridesmaid because im dating her brother#the groom and i have been friends for years and he was the first person offline that i came out to#but yknow hes not just gonna out me like that. even if he remembered that lengthy conversation about it#which i honestly dont know if he does#it doesnt even matter#i know what i am and at the end of the day i have to be okay with being the only one in my day to day life who knows#and i am okay sometimes. its just kinda rough getting shoved into very strictly gendered situations#yknow what. the haircut im getting tomorrow will fix me#afterthought (because i just had a rough conversation about this to someone after typing the last tag):#this is coming from a moment of high emotional vulnerability so like. bear with me here#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i cant talk to anyone about this. SPECIFICALLY cis people i have to stay closeted around#and that fucking SUCKS. it literally feels like those spider-man moments where miles or peter is so so sooo close to just spilling the bean#but they just cant because itd potentially ruin everything. so they don't continue talking and its like. okay. i must be overeacting#because if the context of me being queer isn't known then im just crying because the men get to do airsoft on a convenient day#and instead i have to work around so many time constraints and time frames because the bride doesn't know how to plan things in advance#all to paint some mugs#and like yeah yeah yeah. again. im super frustrated by the general wedding/bachelorette party planning drama. i cant deny that#so yknow what im sorry but i dont like the physical heavy sickness i feel in my stomach every time the bride calls me girlie#knowing ill never get to be one of the guys#hoo boy ive been writing in these tags for literally an hour#im sorry if youre a mutual and you got this far. but also thank you kinda
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if fucking everything up was a sport, i'd be the goat, truly !!!
#im so afraid ive fucked myself for life#i will literally never get a relationship#i think ill run away from everyone who approaches me bc im too scared of relationships#i want to be loved romantically but i know fhats not possible!!!#no one ever will so whats the point in trying?#everyone grows tired of me eventually#i dont even deserve romance anyways at this point so its fine really#it doesnt even matter#who cares!!?#idk ive been so in my head since someone expressed interest in me#i dont like kt i dont like it i dont like it#stop liking me you will eventually!!! so do it fast pls!
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i feel so dramatic
#i cant help it idk why#it doesnt even matter#idk why i start feeling this stuff no matter what#like chill#its such a small change#its. ugh idek what the problem is really#or i do but idk why its such a problem because it doesnt affect me really its just a small inconvenience#its. idk idk idk i just dont like it but its not. ugh idk what im saying
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I just wanna be held 🙏
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I'm just tired
#i think on some level i deserve my infertility#like ive done something karmically to deserve it#im sure i have#doesnt make it any easier#how does someone get pregnant accidentally twice in a row#and cant on purpose#it doesnt even matter#idk why im even on tumblr posting this#maybe i should just delete my whole tumblr and reddit#and internet presence#this isnt just fertility posting but another negative test brought all these thoughts up#like seeing my relatives on social media get pregnant so easily and nothing for me#yeah i think maybe i should consider a full internet presence break
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sad part of liking a rarepair is that nobody sends fanart/posts to the group and then asks you to weigh in. they only send it to you specifically or you're the person always sending it
#hqve not indoctrinated the discord mutuqls into sunaosa#but its totally fine and im not upset sbout it#it doesnt even matter#bex thoughts
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Okay, leveled up my character’s lightcones a bit more (kinda embarrassing how Lynx’s and Ratio’s lightcones were so low) SO LETS TRY THIS AGAIN
#I TRIED SO HARD#AND GOT SO FAR#IN THE END#IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER#I HAD TO FALL#TO LOSE IT ALLLLL#IN THE EEEND#IT DOESNT EVEN MATTERRRRRRRRRR
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i will never be able to compete with the people in your life
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This is such a silly thing to notice, but it's become obvious to me when the 'solid ground' in a show isn't as solid as it looks to make it easier for the actor to pretend to dig.
I helped my mom and stepdad put in a big ole backyard patio and redo their front flower beds, all of which took a lot of digging and toting dirt and grass clods on my part. And one thing, is that before I could even use the shovel, I had to use a special tool to first cut into the dirt and roots and loosen everything. It is not nearly as easy as it looks.
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me when i see my most profitable customer
#roblox pressure#pressure roblox#pressure fanart#sebastian solace#sebastian roblox#sebastian pressure#pressure sebastian#pressure#roblox game#roblox art#roblox#hes so cute wtf#pretty#pretty creature#digital art#my art#clip studio paint#i love dying right before i make it to the end of the game GRRRHAGAHH#he would so do that thing where really tall people bend down to get on your level#hes just too god damn big so it doesnt even matter#the fella
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