#It Did Hurt | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

slimciclearchive · 7 months ago

Text

MY EYES HURT AND SOUL DOES TOO, I CAN'T KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS

(i loved every single part of this)

just come home - satoru gojo

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

[satoru gojo - f!reader] ✧ summary: you've prepared a nice dinner for the two of you to have a nice date night, but when he never shows up, you've had enough. ✧ cw: angst, cursing, breaking stuff, betrayal, Satoru not being the best boyfriend, mention of insecurities, no use of y/n, somewhat proofread ✧ word count: 2.7k

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

For weeks and weeks, you had expressed a desire for the two of you to have a date night but there was always a reason for why he didn’t have the time; I’ve got a mission. Shoko needed my help. I already promised Suguru I would go. Not tonight darling, I’m too tired. It broke your heart a little every time, but you knew the kind of responsibility that rested on his shoulders. You did not have the conscience to start complaining, even though you so desperately wanted to.

However, whatever he had planned this time fell through and he finally had an evening available. You had jumped at the opportunity and made a casual request while you were doing the dishes. “How about I make us a nice dinner instead? Make an evening out of it?” You'd been somewhat nervous when you’d made the request, scared he’d have some other reason not to be able to attend. But when you’d turned to look at him with hopeful eyes, you’d been met by his kind ones and a gentle smirk on his lips. Carefully, he had grabbed your chin between his fingers and pulled you closer. “I’d love to, darling,” he answered genuinely and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. Your stomach had instantly been filled with familiar butterflies.

So when the day arrived, the two of you had arranged for you to have dinner ready when he got home at seven and your timing was impeccable as you placed the finishing touches on the dinner five minutes before Satoru was supposed to walk through the door. Giddy with excitement, you lit the two candles you had placed on the table and sat down in your seat. Your excitement quickly turned into worry when fifteen minutes passed and there was still no sign of him. It didn’t have to mean anything, he wasn’t exactly known for being on time. It wasn’t until an hour had passed you felt the sadness and disappointment take over you. Then another hour passed, and another, and another. For nearly four hours you sat on the dining chair, staring at the door, waiting for your boyfriend to come home.

“Fuck it,” you whispered to yourself as you finally stood up, throwing your napkin on the table. The candles you’d lit had nearly burned down, and the untouched meal you’d prepared had turned cold long ago. As you noticed the apartment had turned dark, you felt the sadness wash over you and the tears started to well up in your eyes. Quickly you blew out the candles and made your way straight to bed. You wrapped yourself in your blanket and tried to blink away the tears, taking one last look at your phone to see if you’d missed a text or a call. Nothing.

It had always pained you when he hadn’t been able to make time for one evening for just the two of you, but you never found it in yourself to blame him. He was the Satoru Gojo after all. It was more than understandable that he was needed and wanted at all places all the time. However, somewhere inside, you felt as if he could have been able to take one night off. But you would never argue with him on the matter because, truthfully, you were beyond terrified he would toss you aside the second someone better came along. You felt so extremely lucky to be able to call Satoru your boyfriend, but there was no hiding the fact he could have anyone he wanted, but he had you. Satoru wasn’t just the most powerful being in the universe, but he was also so extremely gorgeous and had enough charisma for all of Tokyo.

But this was it. You couldn’t do it anymore. This was the moment you realised you wanted someone who would undoubtedly match your devotion. You’d held onto the hope of that person being Satoru for too long, but you’d made enough excuses for him now.

With this thought in mind, your heart ached and the tears fell quietly against your pillow, you eventually fell into a calm sleep.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

You woke up with a small jolt at the sound of the front door being close shut. The clock on your nightstand showed 01:37, nearly seven hours after he was supposed to be home. You heard his footsteps come closer and closer, until you felt him lay down in the bed beside you and snake his arm around your waist. When you felt him place a soft kiss on your temple, the anger began to fill your body. “You awake?” He spoke softly, his voice slightly muffled against your hair.

Unbelievable. Fuelled by anger and frustration, you wiggled out of his grip and immediately exited the bedroom, desperate to find somewhere to put all your emotions. Looking over at the failed dinner, you decided to start cleaning it up, reminded again it had all gone to waste. Not even two minutes after you’d left him in the bed, he was standing in the doorway behind you.

“Babe, are you okay?” The audacity of his question made you drop the plates in the sink, causing a ruckus before turning around to face him, resting a hand on your hip.

“Does it seem to you that I’m okay?” Your voice was already quivering from all the emotions you were feeling, but you were determined to not break just yet.

Satoru was taken aback by the intense tone of your voice and couldn’t remember you ever talking to him this way. Carefully he began to approach you, but the look you gave him made him stop in his tracks instantly, staying put by the doorway. “Look, I’m really sorry about tonight.” His voice wasn’t disingenuous, but there was a simplicity in it that made you scoff.

“If that’s what you’re starting with, you can save it.” He felt himself flinch just the slightest at your voice and he began to feel worried what might come out of your mouth next.

“I was hanging with Suguru and Shoko. Shoko had to show us something and I couldn’t just leave. But it’s just dinner, we can do it another night.” His tone showed you he wasn’t by any means mocking the situation, but he was more interested in explaining why he didn’t show up than show consideration.

“Just dinner?” He instantly knew what he had said was a mistake. “Is it just dinner that I spent hours preparing this for us? Is it just dinner that this was supposed to be our first date in nearly a year? Is it just dinner that you’re seven hours late and couldn’t even bother to let me know you weren’t coming home?”

And awkward silence filled the room where you just stood there looking at each other. Satoru couldn’t keep his eyes off you, who had now crossed your arms over your rapidly heaving chest. He searched his mind to find the right words to say, but just felt his mouth run dry. He now understood how much he had screwed up, even though he himself had genuinely only thought of the evening as “just dinner”.

“What, no snarky comment? No funny comeback?” You spoke, waiting impatiently for him to open his mouth. “Fucking say something!” You caught him off guard when you grabbed one of the wineglasses you had served along with dinner and hurled it in his direction, hitting the wall beside his head and shattering on impact. “You always know exactly what to say and now it the time you finally decide to shut up?”

“I’m sorry,” he forced out, his voice slightly cracking. You just looked at him, taking in the sight of your boyfriend who now looked so unlike himself. Normally, he stood so tall and proud, his smile never faltering. But now, the person staring back at you, was a fragile human being who didn’t know up from down. You felt your anger begin to turn back into sadness again at the sight of him and it took every ounce of willpower not to surrender yourself to him.

“Don’t be sorry, Satoru! Be better! Be my boyfriend!” As your emotions had shifted, so had your tone. There was no anger anymore, just a desperate plead. It wasn’t just in your voice one could tell how upset you were, it was also evident on your entire body. Satoru had noticed how your frame had turned less hostile towards him and saw his opportunity to approach you. When he wasn’t met with yet another look that could kill, he kept going until he was standing in front of you.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise. We can have the dinner date tomorrow, I’ll stand for the cooking,” he spoke softly, carefully sliding his hands along your upper arms.

“This isn’t about the dinner,” you burst out, shaking away his hands and stepping away again. “It’s so much bigger than that. Can’t you see that?”

He could hear it in your voice you were choking back the sobs that were harbouring in your throat. Throughout your two year relationship, he had never seen you this upset before. And if he had, he had never been the reason for your sorrow. Just the idea of being the cause for your turmoil broke his heart, and he could feel his own tears fighting their way to the corner of his eyes.

“Satoru, I deserve to be with someone who is dying to be with me as much as I am dying to be with you.” He saw the first tear fall down your face. “I don’t want to be in a relationship where I give everything of myself, and not receive the same in return.”

In the middle of your speech, you found yourself reminiscing of how he used to be in the relationship. In the beginning, he worshipped the ground you walked on. He couldn’t keep his hands off of you, and his friends grew tired of how he wasn’t able to shut up about you. There was no doubt that you were his world, and he made it known to every person he came across that you were. You couldn’t recall when it had changed. Maybe it had happened gradually, making it harder to pick up on.

“When did you stop caring for me?” Your voice finally cracked, and a small sob escaped you. He instantly felt his shoulders fall, and his mouth slightly agape in shock.

The answer to your question was easy; never. He remembered being captivated by you the very first moment he laid his eyes on you and he knew he had to get to know you. It didn’t take long until he knew he wanted to be with you, forever if he could. There wasn’t a single thing about you he didn’t love with his entire being. He loved how your nose scrunched when you laughed, and how you subconsciously hummed to yourself while you were making dinner, how you took the quickest showers ever but still ended up spending two hours in the bathroom doing basically nothing. He also admired how kind and understanding you were, always sacrificing your own needs and desires for others. If anything, he only cared for you more and more as time went on.

But now he was looking at you, seeing your shoulders bounce with every sob and sniffle. Even with your makeup smudged, hair messy from sleep and tear stains running down your cheeks, you were beautiful. You were easiest the most beautiful girl he’d ever had the privilege of laying his eyes on. All he wanted was to pull you into his arms and comfort you, promising everything was going to work out. He was desperate to feel your body against his, but he knew you wouldn’t allow it.

“Just tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it. I’ll fix it.” Now he was the one pleading, making it even harder for you to not give in and let it all slide.

“You can’t,” you whispered. He felt his breath begin to quicken and he sensed where this was going. “Satoru-” he closed his eyes at the sound of his name leaving your lips so softly.

“Please,” he whispered back before opening his eyes again to meet your gaze.

“I have given you absolutely all that I have to offer, and it still doesn’t seem to be enough. There’s not a single living creature on this planet who has seen all the sides of me that I have showed you. I have given you my mind, my heart, my soul, my body-” you were cut off by one of your sobs. “And you can’t even make it home to dinner.” As the severity of the situation had set in, Satoru had also begun to cry.

He knew it was unfair of him, but he couldn’t hold back any longer. He walked right up to you and grabbed your face gently with both his hands and forced you to look at him. He stared into your wet eyes and felt your body shake from crying. “Please don’t do this,” he rushed to say, never having uttered a more desperate plead in his life. His heart skipped a beat when he felt your hands graciously wrap around his wrists, reminding him it was the first time that evening you had touched him. As a response, he instinctively leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours.

“I’m not waiting around for you to find a better option and leave me-“

“That won’t happen!” Satoru interrupted you. “I promise, just please, please, please don’t do this.” He felt you pull away from his forehead as you crouched away. At the same time you reluctantly removed his hands from your face. Every inch of his body wanted to fight against it, and never have his hands leave your face ever again. He knew he had messed it up for real this time. Once you let go of his wrists, he’d lose the one girl he had truly loved.

“I want it so bad to be you. But I can’t continue to ruin myself for you, Satoru.” The silence hit you, and it was as if you were both too scared to say another word. It was only Satoru’s quiet sniffles that filled the room.

It was a bittersweet sensation to have him stand so close to you, but having such a sad scenario play out. You still had a loose grip on his wrists, knowing you had to let go of them sooner or later. But you just didn’t want to. It felt as if as long as you stayed quiet, you could stay in this form of limbo where you didn’t have to face what was to come. Some part of you wished you could accept living this way, because you wanted nothing more than to have Satoru in your life. But you knew it wasn’t fair to yourself to keep going like this.

“I’m going to stay with a friend tonight,” You broke the silence, causing Satoru to start crying again. Hesitantly, you finally let go of his wrists and took a small step back, letting you get a better look at him. The intensity in his cerulean eyes had only been amplified by his tears. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you continued to speak. “I’ll have someone pick up my stuff sometime this week.”

Satoru continued to plead, beg and cry for you not to leave. You had to actively block him out to be able to leave the apartment. As you made you way to the door, he followed you close behind, the tears falling like waterfalls.

“I’m sorry,” you said, barely a whisper as you opened the door and left him. The second the door closed, it felt as if you were sucked into a vacuum without a single sound to be heard. It was only disturbed when you heard a loud smash come from inside the apartment, bringing you back to reality before you ran down the stairs and left.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

a/n: sooo i am a sucker for angst. its definitly the genre i read the most, so probably expect a lot of angst lol. doesnt mean i wont write other stuff

#As the ceo of angst #i approve #it did hurt #jujutsu kaisen #fic rec

873 notes · View notes