#Is the thunder wimpy

[whyhasgodkilledme]

day 6 thunderstorm

[britishassistant]

Soooo. Can I request a story? If so can the story be were in the superhero and super villain au were Malleus is fighting his heroes and his machines backfires (like dr. Doof) and it turns him into a baby version him

You finds him because they wanted to visit him and now they have to take care of a baby Malleus until the effects were off

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

What about while Yuu is in baby form, Tsunotaro is trying to make a machine to return them to their normal form once he’s stolen them back from Octo Dealer and Poison Queen.

The only problem is that he took Yuuken and that wimpy reporter hostage to ensure the Prefect couldn’t interfere with his schemes, but that Yuuya kept asking questions, and Tsunotaro couldn’t concentrate, especially since that guy used the words grotesque and gargoyle interchangeably—!!

The machine backfires.

Yuuken, Yuuya, Lilia, Silver and Sebek are now staring down at a tiny Malleus. A tiny Malleus who is tearing up at all the strange and scary looking adults.

A thunderstorm breaks out in time with the infant crying.

Across the city, Epel is almost brought to tears when Yuu is woken up by thunder crashing outside.

[twothpaste]

some PSI headcanons

Ness' PSI developed from a very young age, but never grew powerful enough to do anything particularly impressive 'til he went on his journey. A little bit of clumsy wimpy telekinesis, usually dropping stuff in the process. Mending small cuts & scrapes. Talkin' to dogs. Nothing too flashy, almost mundane even. His efforts to practice or show off usually ended in goofish blunders, or incredulity from others. While his best bud Porky flip-flopped between jealousy and dismissal. So Ness grew up feeling sort of insecure about his abilities. Meeting Paula & Poo was kind of a game changer for him, realizing he really wasn't a lone psychic weirdo.

Paula was well-known for her PSI in Twoson. Practically Ness' opposite, she was a natural child prodigy. Loved to show off her abilities like party tricks, much to the delight and amazement of her community. Her mother encouraged it, kinda parading her around (vicariously soaking up the praise & awe). She's never been ashamed of her powers, but did grow to feel misunderstood & a little taken advantage of when she realized most folks (her mother included) just saw them as a novelty. Her visions of Ness are actually a rare precognitive ability. However, Paula can't exactly provoke visions on command, and can't tell whether or not the futures she sees are set in stone. Since she's got so much proud finesse over her offensive PSI, having little control over her precognition actually frustrates her to no end. Meeting Ness & Poo humbles her, and comes as a huge relief when she finally has fellow psychics in her life who really get it.

Poo's trained with fellow psychics all his life, but was taught only to use his powers under formal discipline. When he meets a little fat kid who telekinetically juggles chicken wings, and a snarky girl who uses PK Thunder for static electricity pranks, he's kind of blown away. The freedom granted by using his powers loosely & Teleporting around the globe cannot be understated. Dude lowkey develops a bit of a rebellious streak, finding crafty ways to employ PSI for fun. He can definitely read minds, which probably unnerves his friends at first. I like to imagine he can't learn PK Fire 'cause it embodies a sort of brazen fury that just isn't present in Poo's character - whereas Thunder and Freeze are more focused and composed.

Lucas n' Claus had latent psychic abilities from birth - but contrasted with Ness' flashback where he was using telekinesis as a baby, I get the impression they were comparatively late bloomers. Maybe due to their hometown upbringing; Tazmily's defined at its core by such a profoundly repressed peace, after all… They could communicate with animals, and assumed everyone else could too (adults lackadaisically humored their babbles about whatever Boney was sayin'). They had a strong telepathic link with each other, and assumed that was just a normal twin thing. It's interesting how trauma, urgency, and an implied survival instinct is what "awakens" their true potential. I could probably make a whole post about that alone, oh no, I'll go on instead.

Since he didn't grow up actively using PSI, Lucas tends to forget he has it, and often overlooks or forgoes its practical applications. He rarely uses telekinesis, he cleans & bandages wounds before recalling he can use Lifeup, he doesn't often consciously employ his empathic abilities. Said empathic abilities are extremely potent, though. Kid picks up on everybody's feelings all the time, and can never quite tell if it's a psychic thing or his anxiety or just his natural compassion for others. He can't actually read the minds of strangers though - the mere possibility is deeply unnerving to him. He can passively hear Claus' thoughts (or ominous lack thereof 😶). And he's at least sorta sensitive to the thoughts of other folks he's grown dearly close to (Kuma, Duster, Flint post-reconciliation, etc).

The Masked Man's powerful PSI is all just tightly-channeled fear and rage and love and despair, so warped beyond recognition that neither he nor his handlers can correctly identify it. Fassad trained him through dubiously brutal methods, forcing him to inflict pain, conditioning his subconscious mind to relish what little power it could wield over its surroundings. My post-canon Claus goes through a long phase where he swears off PSI, afraid of its potential, convinced he doesn't deserve it. Only for it to re-emerge from his fingertips anyways in moments of stress or concern (oops, sorry little dude, it is a fundamental part of who you are). Once Lucas n' Kuma show him how to use it in a healthy way, Claus does a 180, eager to reclaim it. He's got all of the same abilities as Lucas (including Lifeup & Shields, which'd been thoroughly repressed along with the rest of his compassion, before). His empathic capacity is literally the same too - but since Claus ain't nearly as emotionally intelligent as his brother, and his head's usually rattling with his own mess of feelings, he can't often make much sense of other peoples'. It kinda just forms a layer of background noise, which he tends to tune out. As his disabilities progress with age, he grows more comfortable relying on telekinesis.

Kumatora's such a natural psychic, she was literally having telekinetic fire-breathing tantrums as an infant. Which is the main reason why the Tazmilians passed her onto the Magifolk, knowing they'd be able to raise her better than a bunch o' amnesiac bumpkins ever could. Though not exactly structured or formal, her training was baked into her upbringing. Thus, PSI's baked into her everyday lifestyle. It's hard for Kuma not to use her powers casually, to fetch writing utensils from across the room, or heat her tea with PK Fire, or overhear your thoughts and respond to them aloud. (Probably a hilarious challenge when she was posing as Violet). She was the only human psychic she'd ever known, right up until Lucas rolled up packing new powers he was mildly to severely frightened of. It's only thanks to Kuma that he learned how to handle himself with care and confidence. And only thanks to Kuma that the postgame world's got any proper knowledge about PSI. I like to imagine she offers tutelage to any new psychics that may emerge. The one person who's left to bear PSI's history and proper training methods, carrying on a tradition passed down by her guardians…

I headcanon all psychics have telekinesis, but some are better or worse at it than others. And they all have some degree of telepathy, though very few are focused & skilled enough to straight up read minds. Communicating with animals falls somewhere relatively low along the same scale. They can learn techniques from each other (a la the adorable explanation given for Ness & Lucas' Smash Bros movesets) - but it takes a long period of dedicated one-on-one teaching, hence why we don't see it happen during the fast-paced storylines of the Mother games. Though PSI is very uncommon, it isn't really hereditary, and can manifest in literally any rando. But it does appear more often in some locations / populations than others (ie. Dalaam as a place of longstanding psionic spiritual traditions, Nowhere as a blessed place sitting atop a draconic embodiment of the Earth's power, you get the idea 🤷‍♂️). I like to portray it more as a cerebral brain power than a 1-to-1 with fantasy magic. It does have a wishy-washy hippie sorta vibe to it though. Something that comes from a connection to Mother Earth, a way to channel emotions and love and the gift of life itself.

(I personally find M1's explanation for PSI's origin incompatible with the other two games, which both present a much more grounded, ancient, and Earthly take on it. Which is fine, since M2 plays out more like a reboot than a sequel anyways. But in an earnest effort to try and connect the threads, maybe PSI is simply a kind of power that exists within every planet? Thus, when George "steals" the secrets of PSI, he's learning how humans can unlock the powers granted by the Earth, the same way aliens presumably unlocked the powers of their homeworlds?? Who knows.)

[kazimakuwabara]

The Prince and the Clown

Summary: Usopp tries to get a pep talk from Sogeking to confess his feelings to Sanji. Too bad things go south, when Sanji walks in. (SanUso, 1.2k work) written for @Sanusoweek, and a thank you from @lessons-from-moths for giving me this idea!

***

 “This is it! Today’s the day!” Usopp repeated.

 A lower, slightly more masculine voice, rumbled with agreement, “Today is the day!”

 “I tell him!” Usopp insisted.

 “You tell him,” the second voice agreed.

 “H-He’ll know!” Usopp rasped, his voice sounding less determined and just a little more scared.

 “Usopp…” the second voice cautioned, already sensing the downhill spiral.

 “And h-h-he’ll… he’ll….”

 “Usopp…”

 “H-h-h-h-heeeeeee-”

 “Usopp….”

 “H-h-h-h-h-h-h-heeee… Heeeee wiiillllllll…?”

 “Usopp!”

 Usopp spun around, glaring at his reflection in the mirror. Usopp was holding the Sogeking mask to his face, and pointing back at himself through the mirror, “Usopp! Where is your bravery? Have you not stood upon the tower of justice and saved the fair princess Robin?”

 Usopp lowered the mask, revealing his pouting face, “That’s true Sogeking… I did… but-”

 The mask went back up in the mirror, and Sogeking bellowed, “Did you not battle A God who struck you with thunder, and save your loyal retainers, Nami, and Sanji?”

 “Well… yes… kind of. I helped…” Usopp muttered.

 “There is no kind of about it!” Sogeking bellowed, hands on his hips, and nose titled high, “You are brave! Brave Captain Usopp! You have overcome, and will overcome again! You must simply… act! Confess! The trials you've gone through in battle, can be taken home with you in your heart! Let those triumphs embolden you!”

 Usopp threw the Sogeking mask to the ground, and pointed accusingly at the mirror, “But this is Sanji! This is telling him, I love him! This isn’t simple! I could ruin our friendship! He could hate me! He’s a lady’s man, and I’m not a lady! What would he see in me Sogeking? What would I offer? What could I offer? A wimpy, clingy, coward, is in love with him! Give me a break! He’s a prince and I’m… I’m…”

 From behind him, Usopp swore he could hear Sogeking ask, “You’re what, Usopp?”

 “...A clown,” Usopp answered mournfully. “Clowns don’t get Princes… especially clowns that fought their kings and made everyone sad...” Usopp bit on his lip, sniffing as another wave of fresh guilt washed over him. Enies Lobby wasn’t even a day behind him.

 He’d messed up so badly… how could he ever be worthy of Sanji? If Usopp was just himself, if he didn’t have the weight of his betrayal still laying heavy on his back, maybe there’d be a small chance. Maybe… maybe all those smiles, those soft conversations under the stars, the grinning at each other from across the deck, maybe that meant something. But Usopp had turned his back on his friends. He’d let his inner turmoils boil up, and had spewed all that suffering onto his very best friends…

 It didn’t matter if he apologized.

 He’d hurt them all… Sanji included.

 Usopp’s shoulders sagged, his eyes on the floor of his new workshop. He scuffed the ground with a toe, and sighed.

 Usopp felt hands curl like claws around his shoulders, and he was spun around. He screamed as he was turned, flailing about as he was pushed back against the mirror, too dizzy to see while in motion. He only quieted, when his terrified eyes registered Sanji’s incredibly red, and incredibly angry face.

 As the silence stretched out, Usopp realized with horror, Sogeking had not been the one to ask Usopp: You’re what, Usopp?

 Usopp might have sunk to the ground and curled up in a ball on the floor, if Sanji wasn’t keeping him on his feet.

 “Who says you’re a Clown, you idiot!” Sanji hissed.

 Usopp cringed into his shoulders, “S-Sanji, I-”

 “Who says a Prince and Clown can’t work out? Who says a Clown can’t apologize to a King and be welcomed back home, huh? Aren’t you a storyteller? Don’t you like a happy ending? Why would any decent story end where the Clown gets shunned? He worked hard dammit! The Prince would see that the Clown had made up for his mistakes. The Prince would see that the Clown made a mistake, but still want him to come back! Why won’t it work out for them!?” Sanji demanded.

 “H-How long have you been in here?” Usopp squealed, his heart beating too fast, and the gears in his head spinning into overdrive.

 Sanji sighed, face flushing all shades of red, and eyes still angry, “...I was bringing you a snack. Your door was open.”

 “Shit.”

 “Usopp…” Sanji started, but then stopped. After a moment of his useless mouth flapping, he sighed, and let Usopp go. He pulled a cigarette from his coat, lit it, and took a drag. After an exhale, in which he politely turned his head so he wouldn’t get smoke in Usopp’s face, he tried again, “Usopp… where’s my confession?”

 Usopp blushed, shameful tears pricking his eyes, as his knees started to knock together, “I-I don’t need to confess if I already know the answer!”

 Sanji swore, and tossed his still lit cigarette on the ground, Usopp watching it bounce and roll under his work desk with surprise. A cool hand was on his chin, and Sanji leaned over him, his forearm pressed above his head. Usopp had just a moment to look into stormy blue gray eyes, before Sanji was kissing him.

 The kiss was possessive, devouring, and desperate. It was not a simple meeting of lips. Sanji, his breath still slightly tinged with nicotine, kissed Usopp with a demanding tongue. Their lips joined, and it was as if the cigarette was lit between them. It was so warm, it burned, and that heat traveled into Usopp’s whole face, down his throat, to his belly, and to his toes.

 Usopp swayed forward, off balance by the demanding need of the kiss Sanji had placed upon him. Sanji used Usopp’s unbalance to his advantage, and yanked the sniper into his arms, one hand sliding around the back of Usopp’s sweaty neck, while the other hand pressed into the small of Usopp’s back and pulled.

 Usopp’s body was pressed flush against the chef’s, and his hands sought purchase clumsily. At first, he settled one hand in the crook of Sanji’s arm, and then drifted up the lapels of Sanji’s jacket, his thumbs stroking the material of the fabric. Sanji’s tongue stroked Usopp’s tongue, and Usopp’s hands curled higher. Sanji seemed to kiss harder as Usopp’s hands moved, and by the time Usopp’s hands were around Sanji’s neck, Sanji was biting Usopp’s tongue until a surprised whimpering moan slipped past his lips.

 At his moan, Sanji echoed it, with a low guttural groan of his own. He sounded pleased, and relieved, like Usopp's pleasured sound did something to him. Usopp whimpered again, and Sanji answered it with a groaning, husky sound that Usopp couldn't attach a label to. That sound sent a full-body shiver down Usopp’s spine, and he felt himself, lifted off the ground until he was on the balls of his feet, Sanji pulling Usopp as if he was trying to bring him in and absorb him.

 This kiss broke off with a harsh gasp, Usopp dazed, and Sanji looking flushed and panting hard.

 They held each other for a moment, breathing in each other’s space. Sanji’s expression was soft and yearning, and it was all on Usopp. Usopp tightened his arms around Sanji’s shoulders.

 “Usopp?” Sanji prompted, voice rough.

 “Y-Yes?”

 “Give me my confession, so I can answer it.”

[deusexlachina]

Wannabe Warden Part 15: Defeat the Qunari with their/my own medicine and also drugs

In which I fight the most infamous battle on the highest difficulty level and am forced to actually come up with a good strategy.

Just then, Isabela shows up to save her girlfriend from being mashed. She gives the Tome of Koslun back to the Arishok. Finally, they can leave! As long as they also get the thief. Who is my girlfriend. I tell him he's already got what he came for, but the Arishok was assigned to be a general, not a compromiser, so we're at a standstill and the best solution he can think of is to duel me for the girl. Isabela objects because she is literally a duelist and holy shit is he stealing her thunder right now.

But I alone have the Arishok's respect, so it's time to duel him. He's incredibly tough and has deadlier moves than me. Everything says I will lose. But I've got a secret weapon. Back when I was dealing with the saar-qamek gas leak, I gave Other Aveline a weapon called Desdemona's Blade, a purchase from the Black Emporium just for that fight, since Fenris won't wield wimpy one-handers and only Other Aveline can decree the poison gas safe. Ole Double-D here deals nature damage because it's covered with poison or something idk.

The damage looks low, but elemental weapons ignore armour, and against enemies weak to nature damage, it does double damage. This is immensely helpful against every fight with mercenaries, such as the saar-qamek fight, since they're vulnerable to nature. It turns out, so is every single Qunari. I bought this weapon to deal with enemies trying to kill Qunari and now I'm forced to kill Qunari with it myself. I would appreciate the irony, but I'm too busy soloing the Qunari army after they wiped out my entire squad. Practice self-care. Get Desdemona's Blade.

It is almost unanimous among the DA2 fandom that this fight is next to impossible as a warrior. It is also nearly unanimous that Sword and Shield is bad and so is Pommel Strike. For some reason, they haven't seemed to realize that this fight is hard precisely because they refuse to use shields or, uh, pommels. Along with Cleave doubling my damage again, and a high critical hit rate from other gear, Double-D can do enough damage to slightly interrupt the Arishok, meaning more fighting and less running. Assault deals even more damage and interrupts him even more - with equal DPS, Assault beats any 2-handed talent for single-target damage. And I'm not doing equal DPS, I'm doing more DPS, because I have Desdemona's Phucking Sword.

Even the shield itself helps a great deal. With a shield, Courage (stuffed with armour runes like everything else I'm wearing) I take substantially less damage, which also means less force, i.e. I don't get ragdolled. Without a shield, I get thrown around the room, even getting stuck behind this Qunari beefcake. The indignity.

Pommel Strike is a warrior move where, instead of hitting the enemy with the business end of your blade, you cleverly surprise them by hitting them with the much less dangerous pommel. This is so stupid that it stuns them for several seconds. This disrupts most of the nastiest threats in the game - it shuts down commander auras, stops mages from using their nastiest attacks, and keeps rogues from stealthing. And it works on the Arishok. He sometimes resists it, but if he doesn't, he's helpless for several seconds, and by the time he's done wiggling around I've nearly got another Pommel Strike waiting for him.

But there's one truly cruel thing about the Arishok fight. Even if you're winning against him, he will...you might want to sit down for this. He will drink a potion and heal himself. Apparently he can do this up to three times, but I can't confirm this because anytime the fight lasted that long I either died or went into a fugue state as I kited him for like half an hour. "But Aveline!" you might say. "You use potions all the time, especially in boss fights. Why is it so obnoxious when they do it?" Because the boss is an NPC. They don't have to actually experience the horror of nearly winning before their enemy unilaterally decides to not die and make the fight even longer.

But my respect wasn't just to Sword-and-Shield and Pommel Strike, which, to remind you, nearly everyone says are horrible. To further spite the Wrong Dragon Age Community, I unilaterally decide to join the Templars, which is also supposed to be the worst specialization, and even the wiki thinks you should spec out of it for this fight. Yes, that means using deadly and addictive lyrium. But I'm just using it to get out of a rough patch, and I'll simply stop using it when things get easier. (THIS IS A VERY BAD IDEA. NEVER THINK THIS FOR ANY DRUG -ed.). Being a templar lets Silence the Arishok, which can lock him out of his abilities. This seems to include the potions, giving him effectively less health. This is one of the only times in a game the boss tries to use a potion and I can Just Say No, which I probably should be saying to addictive drugs but I am not. It also makes him glow white, which is pretty embarrassing.

Oh, and it also gives me another source of stun. The fight's starting to look even, but I have one last trick that makes it unfair in my own favour. The Qunari disguised deadly poison as explosives, killing civilians, forcing me to nearly get killed by deadly mercenaries and, worst of all, I had to use Other Aveline. To repay them, I hire my poisoner to make Combustion Grenades - explosives, not poison gas. These deal fire damage, which he's completely immune to, because he's from a hot country I guess. But he's very much not immune to the stun, perhaps because using fire on a fireproof man is stunningly stupid. I bring ten of these and don't even manage to use half before I've killed him. I probably didn't need them at all, but you can never be too careful.

With the Arishok dead, the City of Kirkwall proclaims me worthy. (And when I say the City of Kirkwall, I mean this milf with a crown, but the Viscount got killed so she's now the most important lady) My heart soaring, I await to be finally dubbed a Grey Warden for saving the Grey Wardens from almost certain death at the hands of the Qunari (and, indirectly, Other Aveline). Instead, I just get the Title "Champion of Kirkwall."

GOD

FUCKIN

DAMMIT

[tgrailwar-zero]

Alter Ego, we gave you mana as a peace offering to help stabilize you and to show we want to talk. We have Invader, the one who killed Draco with us, but also a warrior you threw into the stratosphere and still couldn't kill. Thunderer here has experience hunting giants. This team could easily kill you.

But still, we want to talk. We want to help you. You're clearly in pain. Your mana is out of control. You've been corrupted by Draco. We can try to help, but you need to open yourself to us. Allow us in to fix up some of that damage to your mind and body.

KUKULKAN: "I'd be my pleasure!"

ALTER-EGO: "Okay, okay. Geez. I got it. I'm beat, whatever. Fine."

ALTER-EGO: "Something's weird with my mana core. Normally magical energy isn't a problem for me, but it is now. That nun was looking into fixing it, but then a billion things started happening that kept distracting her, so she never finished. And now she's gone."

ALTER-EGO: "So, I figured I'd just consume all the mana here, and then break out and consume all the mana outside, and then keep going until I was so big that it didn't matter anymore."

ALTER-EGO: "It's not something anyone can just fix, especially amoeba like you. I'm guessing you were the ones that shot that wimpy little hacking spell at me. If that's the best you've got, then you might as well let me grab all the mana from that city. Plus, I wouldn't let you put your nasty little hands on my Saint Graph anyways."

[rfaromance]

Suit the cat... curling up on Suit Saeran's lap when the latter is paranoid.

Saeran certainly didn't intend on having any sort of companion in his workspace.

With Ray's needy, pathetic little doll locked up in that royal prison that Ray had designed, a locked dollhouse to which only two people held the key, Saeran had hoped to work faster. Faster, harder, better, stronger. He would track down that filthy traitor sooner than Ray ever could have.

At times, though... he almost missed the sound of that whiny, wimpy voice.

To clear his head, he found himself pacing outside, always ending up in Magenta's gardens without consciously intending to go there.

Maybe Ray wasn't entirely asleep just yet. That was a horrible thought.

His nighttime forays into the gardens would not have been so awful, having the darkness and crisp air to clear his mind, if not for the pitiful, whimpering creature that he'd come across on one fateful evening.

"The hell is this?" Saeran gruffed, stomping forward to get a closer look. In a panic, the black-and-white ball of fur had scrambled away, perhaps intimidated by Saeran's powerful figure. Good. "Some sort of tiny bear? We should get strong fences out here," he muttered, turning around to head in the opposite direction.

Except the creature found him again. And again. And again.

Saeran's biggest mistake was throwing out scraps of food he didn't want. Meats, rices, breads. He thought that if he gave the beast some food, it would have what it wanted and then leave for good.

Unfortunately that only brought the mewling brat back for more.

Saeran didn't know when he anticipated this pathetic furball as part of his nightly routine. He didn't know when the scrappy creature entered his mind, his life.

All he knew was that on the night of a fierce storm, he found himself venturing to the gardens and scooping up a sad black-and-white mop of fur out from under a bush and into a cardboard box.

~~~

Saeran wasn't a fan of thunder, either. He wasn't sure what about the loud bangs, combined with the brief flashes of lightning, rattled him so much, but he knew that he detested it. Possibly because the storms interfered with the internet signals and disrupted his work. Possibly because he couldn't hear himself think above the booming of thunder, the whooshing of wind, the smacking of rain against Magenta's walls.

But for whatever reason, curling up in his chair with the quivering fluffball on his chest helped ease his nerves. The beast was just as frightened as he was, if not more, but it kept butting its head against Saeran's chest and hands.

Cautiously, Saeran ran his palm and fingers along the creature's scalp, prompting a deep rumble from its chest. He scratched it between its two pointed ears, and the furball let out a soft "mrrrp" of approval.

They jumped in unison at each boom of thunder. At one point, Saeran felt a sharp sequence of pricks digging into his shoulder, and he realized with a hiss that the animal had dug its claws into him. "Who do you think you are?" he gruffed, but as it bumped its head against his chin, Saeran's frustration dropped to low grumbles. He stroked the animal's back repeatedly, finding the rhythmic movement and the softness of its (now dry) fur to be soothing in an odd way.

"I can tell you're terrified," he muttered at last. "But you're trying to comfort me?" With a disgruntled sigh, he grabbed the creature by the scruff of its neck and held it out in front of him.

Saeran hadn't noticed the pattern on the thing's fur before. It was mostly black, but the chest and paws were white. In a way, the pattern almost made the beast look like it was wearing a tuxedo, or perhaps... a suit.

"You know... you might be stronger than I gave you credit for."

[savage-radio-3way-fm]

Episode 005 Man's Ruin Records

Freeeloaders - Dead Before My Time Splatterheads - Fish Biscuit

Melvins - Intersellar Overdrive (Pink Floyd) Melvins - Gluey Porch Treatments Dale Crover - Four Words 45 RPM

Goatsnake - Slippin' The Stealth Alabama Thunder Pussy - Falling Behind

Cosmic Psychos - She's A Lost Cause (Unplugged) The Onyas - Wanna Bet The Onyas - Last Temptation Of Macka The Fireballs - I've Got No Brain Magic Dirt - You Won't Know

The Green Monarchs - Monsters In The Parasol (Desert Sessions) Eagles Of Death Metal - Hogleg (Desert Sessions) Desert Sessions - You Think I Ain't Worth A Dollar, But I Feel Like A Millionaire Desert Sessions - Punk Rock Caveman (Living In A Prehistoric Age)

Turbonegro - Self Destructo Bust Hellacopters - (Gotta Get Some Action) Now! Entombed - Black Juju Euroboys - 1999 Man

Fu Manchu - Godzilla (Blue Oyster Cult) The Men Of Porn - Dancing Black Ladies Dozer - Super Soul

Blag Dahlia - Haunt Me Dwarves - Drug Store (Live) The Hookers - Rock N Roll Motherfuckers Hai Karate - Every Thing Man Or Astroman? - Drumulator Is Boss

Fuckemos - Celebration Fuckemos - Wimpy Band Fatso Jetson - Let's Clone Kyuss - Fatso Forgotso Phase II Brant Bjork - Lazy Bones

Unsane - Get Off My Back (Live)

listen here

[laresearchette]

Friday, December 08, 2023 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

BREAKING NEWS “The Daily Show” is now exclusive to Paramount + Canada and, as far as I know, not airing on broadcast or cable networks in Canada.

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: BABY SHARK'S BIG MOVIE (Paramount +) THE SACRIFICE GAME (Shudder) A VERY DEMI HOLIDAY SPECIAL (The Roku Channel) MAGIC IN MISTLETOE (W Network) 8:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT? BACKYARDS GONE WILD (TBD - HGTV Canada) OWN CELEBRATES THE NEW COLOR PURPLE (TBD - OWN Canada) MR. MONK'S LAST CASE: A MONK MOVIE (TBD)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

AMAZON PRIME CANADA DATING SANTA MERRY LITTLE BATMAN SILVER AND THE BOOK OF DREAMS UN STUPÉFIANT NOËL WORLD'S FIRST CHRISTMAS (O PRIMEIRO NATAL DO MUNDO) YOUR CHRISTMAS OR MINE 2

CRAVE TV ABOUT MY FATHER ALMOST PARADISE (Season 2) ANGEL FALLS CHRISTMAS COMFORT FOOD WITH SPENCER WATTS (Season 1) CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011) FORD V FERRARI FURRY VENGEANCE KRAMPUS LEMONADE MARY MAKES IT EASY (Season 3a) MY CHRISTMAS HERO OÙ ES-TU CÉLINE? PONTYPOOL ROYALLY WRAPPED FOR CHRISTMAS SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE SURREALESTATE (Season 2) TAKE THIS WALTZ VENOM THE YOUNG ARSONISTS

DISNEY + STAR DIARY OF A WIMPY KID CHRISTMAS: CABIN FEVER

NETFLIX CANADA BLOOD VESSEL (NG) LEAVE THE WORLD BEHIND WOMEN ON THE EDGE (AR)

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 7:00pm: Penguins vs. Panthers (TSN5) 7:00pm: Sens vs. Blue Jackets (SNWest) 9:00pm: Wild vs. Oilers

NBA BASKETBALL (SN1) 7:00pm: Raptors vs. Hornets (TSN/TSN4) 8:00pm: Warriors vs. Thunder (SN Now) 8:00pm: Cavaliers vs. Heat (SN Now) 9:00pm: Rockets vs. Nuggets (TSN3) 10:00pm: Nuggets vs. Suns (SN1) 10:00pm: Clippers vs. Jazz

ABOUT MY FATHER (Crave) 7.25pm: Encouraged by his fiancee, a man and his father spend the weekend with her wealthy and exceedingly eccentric family. The gathering soon develops into a culture clash, allowing father and son to discover the true meaning of family.

AMPLIFY (APTN) 7:30pm: Celebrated Mohawk rock star Tom Wilson crafts a powerful song based on a famous painting by Métis artist Christi Belcourt. In conversation at a diner, the two remarkable artists explore their creative processes and sources of inspiration.

NCAA MEN'S HOCKEY (TSN3) 8:00pm: Colorado College vs. North Dakota

HAPPIEST SEASON (CBC) 8:00pm: A young woman agrees to go home with her girlfriend for Christmas, but discovers she hasn't come out to her conservative parents.

7TH GEN (APTN) 8:00pm: Jordan and Brandon Nolan, born and raised in Garden River First Nation, are part of an NHL legacy. Discover how these brothers are sharing their love of hockey with Indigenous youth across the country.

CHRISTMAS ON WINDMILL WAY (CTV Life) 8:00pm: Mia Miejer expects that her Mimi will win the Christmas Market Dutch Bake-Off competition, but her Mimi has difficult news to share: she must sell the deed to their Windmill Way property, which has been in their family for generations.

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF JERSEY (Slice) 8:00pm: Sass in the City

THE CASE OF THE CHRISTMAS DIAMOND (Super Channel Heart & Home) 8:00pm: Blue-collar Andy finds herself accused of theft when a multimillion-dollar gem suddenly goes missing from her rich friend's estate. With the help of a famous mystery writer, Andy must find the real culprit amid the litany of wealthy guests.

OWN SPOTLIGHT: OPRAH & NICOLE AVANT (OWN Canada) 9:00pm: Oprah has an intimate conversation with filmmaker and philanthropist Nicole Avant; Nicole shares the terrifying moment of learning that her beloved mother, Jacqueline, had been killed in her own home, and how she navigated that devastating loss.

DEVIL IN THE OZARKS (Investigation Discovery) 9:00pm: A brazen sexual assault shocks a small town, but goes unsolved for 20 years, until a nearby murder produces a suspect with matching DNA.

THE YOUNG ARSONISTS (Crave) 9:00pm: Four girls form an intense and obsessive bond while reclaiming an abandoned farmhouse in an isolated community.

W5 (CTV) 10:00pm: The Baby in the Snow

CRIME BEAT (Global) 10:00pm (SEASON FINALE): The Deadly Contract

[snarky-sports-report]

Oklahoma City Thunder Dominates Golden State Warriors with a Score of 128-109

Oklahoma City Thunder 128   Golden State Warriors 109   1 2 3 4 T   Oklahoma City Thunder 39 28 27 34 128   Golden State Warriors 24 36 25 24 109 Alright, people! Hold on to your hats because I’m about to tell you the story of how the mighty Oklahoma City Thunder absolutely demolished the wimpy Golden State Warriors. It was a bloodbath, my friends, and the scoreboard showed no mercy.…

[ultimatecutenesspeaks]

*An evil smirk forms on the thunder fairy's face.*

Raijin: Hell yeah. Nothing like giving some wimpy humans the fright of their lives. I may have only just spawned, but I can already tell that I like that better than anything I could do in Hell.

[samueloneworldproductions]

All 2022 Films Ranked

GOLD MEDAL (A++)

1-The Fabelmans 2-The Batman 3-Black Panther: Wakanda Forever 4-Gulliermo Del Toro's Pinocchio

Best Of The Best (A+)

5-Barbarian 6-Top Gun: Maverick 7-Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery 8-The Menu (2022) 9-Everything, Everywhere All At Once (2022) 10-Puss In Boots: The Last Wish (2022) 11-Scream (2022) 12-X (2022) 13-Pearl (2022) 14-Nope (2022) 15-Turning Red (2022) 16-The Banshees Of Inisherin (2022) 17-Bodies, Bodies, Bodies (2022) 18-The Northman (2022)

AWESOME (A)

19-The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent (2022) 20-Terrifier 2 (2022) 21-Prey (2022) 22-Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers (2022) 23-Avatar: The Way Of Water (2022) 24-Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (2022) 25-Elvis (2022) 26-Violent Night (2022) 27-Smile (2022) 28-Hellraiser (2022) 29-Bones And All (2022) 30-Emily The Criminal (2022) 31-Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022) 32-Marcel: The Shell With Shoes On (2022) 33-The Black Phone (2022) 34-A Christmas Story Christmas (2022) 35-Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness (2022) 36-The Bad Guys (2022) 37-Bros (2022) 38-Clerks III (2022) 39-After Yang (2022) 40-Do Revenge (2022) 41-Marry Me (2022) 42-Ambluance (2022) 43-Rescued By Ruby (2022) 44-Hustle (2022) 45-Rosaline (2022) 46-Jackass Forever (2022) 47-Better Nate Than Ever (2022)

GOOD/GREAT (B+ to A-)

48-Black Adam (2022) 49-Thor: Love And Thunder (2022) 50-Causeway 51-Enola Holmes 2 (2022) 52-Orphan: First Kill (2022) 53-Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets Of Dumbledore (2022) 54-Hotel Translyvania: Transformania (2022) 55-Emergency (2022) 56-I Want You Back (2022) 57-The Bob's Burgers Movie (2022) 58-Crush (2022) 59-The Sea Beast (2022) 60-Funny Pages (2022) 61-Not Okay (2022) 62-Day Shift (2022) 63-The Whale (2022) 64-Spirited (2022) 65-Jurassic World: Dominion (2022) 66-Fire Island (2022) 67-Samaritan (2022) 68-Me Time (2022) 69-Bullet Train (2022) 70-Dog (2022) 71-The Gray Man (2022) 72-Hollywood Stargirl (2022) 73-The Lost City (2022) 74-The Cursed (2022) 75-Blacklight (2022) 76-Kimi (2022) 77-The Adam Project (2022) 78-Lightyear (2022)

SOLID ENOUGH

79-Babylon 80-DC League Of Super-Pets (2022) 81-Hocus Pocus 2 (2022) 82-Night At The Museum: Kahmunrah Rises Again (2022) 83-The Princess (2022) 84-Death On The Nile (2022) 85-Wendell & Wild (2022) 86-Prey For The Devil (2022) 87-Cheaper By The Dozen (2022)

DECENT ENOUGH (B-)

88-Disenchanted (2022) 89-Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody 90-Moonfall (2022) 91-Uncharted (2022) 92-Beast (2022) 93-Men (2022) 94-Spiderhead 95-The Royal Treatment (2022) 96-Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) 97-Moonshot (2022) 98-Minions: The Rise Of Gru (2022) 99-Studio 666 (2022) 100-Sneakerella (2022) 101-Halloween Ends (2022) 102-The School For Good And Evil (2022)

MIXED BAG (C+)

103-Deep Water (2022) 104-Strange World (2022) 105-Three Thousand Years Of Longing (2022) 106-They/Them (2022) 107-Don't Worry Darling (2022)

MEHHHHHH/BLEHHHHHHH (C to C-)

108-Senior Year (2022) 109-The 355 (2022) 110-Memory (2022) 111-Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2022) 112-The Ice Age Adventures Of Buck Wild (2022) 113-Luck (2022)

BAD BADDDDDDD (D+ to D-)

114-Paws Of Fury: The Legend Of Hank 115-Morbius 116-The Invitation 117-The Munsters 118-Amsterdam 119-Tall Girl 2 120-Pinocchio (2022)

TRAINWRECK (F)

121-Dashcam 122-365 Days: This Day 123-The Next 365 Days 124-After Ever Happy 125-Jeepers Creepers Reborn

[cerebricarchives]

==== == set the scene

= the army goons are walking out of the back door of the cleaned out gold shop, followed by the stronger man donning a barbarian headband and a tattered pair of brown jeans, with a sword at the hilt of his hip, holding the metal lock boxes of diamonds. a weirdo vehicle that looks like a dumptruck spray painted with yellow and blue paint, attached to it are automatic rifles tapped to sides to the bed of the truck. obscenities and dingus doodles are followed along the collage of chaos. it's standby hum is is battling the sound of the ringing alarm bells of the gold 4 ca$h store as the thieves make way

🪖2 - yeah yeah come one let's go now!

🪖1 - Called shotgun this time, I can't deal driving that damn thing!

🗡️ - After that stuff you pulled? No! Get in the dump!

🪖1 - I said I was sorry Yordah! you know how I get when you shove me back there! Every left turn I have to get stay in a corner so I won't move around!

🪖2 - Yeah come on man, we can fit three up on the front seat.

⚡ - Gonna make that four for the road. I love a good road trip after all!

==== the three toys look around frantically

🗡️ - Ah! We got not time for this crap! *makes a run for the driver's side of the dumptruck, before getting jumped from above. in between the way, the stance of a primed armored warrior, wearing a sleek dark green helmet visor combo with a mic attached under the mask, a chest piece of hanging metal and exposed circuity along with a circular dish spinning in the center are the real eye catchers to what is seen a wrinkled speed suit in drab olive that serves as the glue to the pieces that fit with the rest. shoulder pads going down to connect to heavy ironfilled fists, boots going up near knee, deep cut in what looks to be pure steel. the eyes behind the green visor mock up what's underneath, all the dollar-store he-man ever gets to see are the layers of dark rings under the eyes* Sh-~

⚡ - *throws a heavy, risk-free punch across the dude's face* Yeah I shoulda known it were you guys. I thought you guys already got all your accessories collected? Now the Toy Army is doin' smash-n-grabs at closing stores? *tsk tsk* Low blow.

🪖1 - You're gonna regret not leaving it alone man *brandishes the cinder block*

⚡ dryly - yeah. don't hit me with the. cinder block. *jumps over the weak toss of a weak army lackey, driving a jumping punch down his head*

🪖1 - daugh! *blood runs down his nose from the sheer smack of hard steel knuckle brushing the surface of his face*

🪖2 - rope 'im! *the second guarding troop boy takes his useless air-rifle and straddles it on the green guy's shoulder to shoulder* the hell kind of maniac- *struggles with the capture* damn can you both help me out here!?

🗡️ - yo yeah i got ya *brandishes his wimpy little sword, though quickly gets kicked down from green thunder's mighty heavy fat kick of fury, in the scuffle he drops the boxes contents all over the ground* gauh!

⚡ - hup! *breaks free from the grip of the gun filled with air and plastic and pushes back the toy goon against the wall. in a few split takes, he notices the little diamonds scattered across the floor, eyes wide more on the second take, making a smooth whistle* lost me in the sky with diamonds here. didn't think you guys were that desperate fo-gack! *his head gets bonked on the back by store owner that finally followed when his guard was down and out*

👴🏽 - Ay, another one of your damn toys huh?!? Well how you like that?

🗡️ - damn let's just retreat. fall back! the three gangers scuffle around each other leaving the diamonds and body behind, getting into the party dumptruck as the truck drives off when Yordah, capo of the gang, already floors it out as the two army guys try to get into the passanger seat.*

==== the dumptruck slowly drives out as the store owner yells out to the truck overbearing with noise through Marcus's skull, piercing every emotion from the knockout. pain. frustration. anger. tiredness.

get up.

⚡ - sir! yield! i am a hero! i am here to protect you out of the situ-

👴🏽 - sure you were! sorry your friends left you behind before the coppers tear you apart! *awes at the sight of his precious diamonds* no! look at this! that's 11k all over the damn road man! rats and piss everywhere aw man!

⚡ - sir no! *gets up carefully not trying to make any moves upon the erratic civilian* i apologize about it, being uh outnumbered and all. i assure you i would have handled the situation if i ~had~ some extra help. *his head turns down the way where the previous hangout spot with this bud occurred, having known he bailed out of the area ticks ago* At the very least no one was dangerously hurt.

👴🏽 - Oh shove it! I want you to swipe these guys up! Piece by piece! Or I'm telling the cops everything is what you've done!

⚡ - Sir be rational about this, I was only tryin to-

👴🏽 - Ahhh I see. Your one of those, uh...trilogy of the justice? No right yeah I believe I signed a thing for you guys.

⚡ - I actu-*realizes he can waltz out free if he just lied :=] )-lly am with the Trinity of Justice! Yes of course! All collateral damages and lost items will be recovered by our....team.

👴🏽 - Well then that's all good to hear. I just want to know what's your-well your "hero" tag or the sort. I would *reallly* like to put a *good* word about you *shit eating grin*

⚡ - Oh of course! It's....Thunder....bolt. Thunderbolt it's Thunderbolt. *making up the lie on the spot, to avoid slipping into the ToJ's radar again, but also-*

👴🏽 - (When they hear about this he's going to get so fired he's going to be locked up and thrown away the key.) Thunderbolt. Got it. I'll be sure to give you ~all the five stars~

⚡ - I thank you. But there's one thing I want to know. What did they want? It's not every day you see any of the troopers to go smashing up a store like this.

👴🏽 - Hm...if it could help anything atleast, they wanted diamonds. "We need only the diamonds." one said. Sounded like they were only looking for any sort of ring that one.

⚡ - No money? This doesn't feel like a targeted hit or something?

👴🏽 - Hey this is one of the nicest parts of Riverstone believe it or not. You don't see many of those Toy Army boys around here unless there's a community parade happening. If anything they thought this was easy pickings. *shuffles his diamonds with a wide floor broom* listen bud i'd like to play private dick with you, but if anything you'd wanna track those clown down before they, i dunno, hit another mom and pop?

⚡ - Right you are! Uh...right Greenbolt on the way! *jumps across the fire exitstair case onto it's grate balcony, he akwardly tries to walk up the stair way to the roof top but gets stuck around all the gratings. he finally makes way onto the rooftop, free enough from any sight to take off his helmet to breathe some fresh air. the swear drives down his roughed face from months of combat, either from the hero days or the war. his hair wet from the sweat curtains down to his top earlobe, looking all cobain like. he takes out a rag out of one of the cargo pockets of his suit to wipe it all down his face.*

⚡ ==== i damn know i'm never gonna catch those guys. even with a dumptruck sticking like a sore thumb, that thing never shows up on the way. ToJ always had trouble tracking down their vehicles and even I would have a better chance of seeing that thing parked next to a Pizza Crust than following it on foot. Let another one down but at least that puts me on a right track. *looks down on the man sweeping his diamonds into a dustpan* Jacob's gotta get his act together. He could have jumped in to help out. I coulda died from those creeps. Coulda died from hi-*phone msg notifcaion from "beerguy"*

🪓: hey dude. sorry about chicken shitting out there. bad habit. will be better next time.

⚡: don't sweat. it. 3 on 1. made it out fine. maybe acute concussion. will be fine dude.

🪓: sweet.

🪓: you might want to know about that gal I was talking about earlier.

⚡: who?

🪓: got acute amesia from that concussion too? HA! Transvania, the family gal.we were talking.

⚡: yeah yeah. tell me about her.

🪓: nah she does the whole spiel better than i can.

🪓: besides a real people's person. one of the few toj chucklefucks i respect.

⚡: nice nice. if anything i might need some help with what's going on with the toy guys.

🪓: sure. anyways

==== == set the scene

📺: *in cut* -505-3345 is our 24 hour emergency line. Vist now at Cats & Dogs, open this holiday! -news banner plays- Riverstone Late Nite News. I'm your anchor Athur Annmoore. Tonight the top story of Oliver Larson facing -volume fades out to flaming ToJ agent Arsonic (top muscle build with low embers covering his top half of his body, like he's wearing just pants which are coozy white pj pants.) his hand sunk into a popcorn bag as he takes out a few seeds and flares his palm catching the fresh popped corn fall into his mouth at every bite. his other hand on the phone with an angry client.

🔥 - And Mr. Buccola I assure you every penny will be covered. We have the best quality fixers to detail every spot to the point it's like no one stepped a vile foot in that building. --- I do agree. --- The Toy Army are pretty erratic bunch. We'll keep our eyes out for one Yordah Micheal. --- A complaint? --- Why of course! I'd like to know! --- I see. Well then I'll personally take that note to heart. Thank you for the call Buccola. I would advise you to close your store for the clean up in the morning. Take the day off out of the distress. --- Hello? Hmm. *tosses his phone and presses a button on his wristwatch device* Give me information station.

🟩 - Do you have access?

🔥 - Officer Arsonic, Level 4 Access Request.

🟩 - Accepted. How's it going Trace?

🔥 - Yeah let me see an agent's file. We gotta find this Thunderbolt joker.

==== ==

GUHHHHHHHh

Heroes Die Episodic Drafted #2

Project title - The White Panther Heist (cross reference of The Pink Panther & Why No White Panther?)

==== == set the scene

=minutes until midnight, cold, about to rain. Jewelry store dead but the two dudes decked out in plastic green army wear and one guy looking like a dollar store's he-man. one of them is chucking a cinder block on the display case, barely lacerating the glass after a few hefty drops=

🪖1 - *huffing lift dropping a brick* no i swear all it takes-hah-is a lil-grrrahhh! *SLAM!* eblow grease man, help me out!

🪖2 - I've got a better idea man. *Hops over the display counter* Let's just swipe 'em here.

🪖1 - no way man, hey I actually bought this *points to brick* for this gig. Seventeen-bucks and for what? Can't even break the glass!

🗡️ - and what do you expect it to shatter like a wine glass? Wait don't tell me you brought only a single cinder block to a smash-grab, Micheal

🪖2 - yeah like these are any better *points to m-16 looking rifle that is coated with green shiny plastic, fully functional rubber gun*

=staff door can be heard opened as it knocks back Toy Boy 🪖2 out as an old man comes through with a bat

👴🏽 - you damn punks want now?!? Get outta here before i call the cops!

🪖1 - We wouldn't want the cops here would we? *Throws brick at the store owner*

👴🏽 - Whe- *trips over avoiding the blunt force as it hits the wall behind him but impacts on the floor on the side* Jesus Christ! Who throws a brick at a 77 year old man here?!?

🗡️ - yeah Michael real smooth here, you really want to make that $17 wort over someone?!?

🪖1 - he had a bat like I just-reflexes man I'm sorry.

🗡️ - dude you really think he's going to make a home run on a f◾◾◾ing cinder block?!? Or what do you think that will also shatter too?!?

🪖2 - can we just make up now? Pretty sure the only worker in the whole damn store is on Life alert mode.

👴🏽 - punks you want? Money? I got em in the back, you hurt me bad tho-

🗡️ - yeah *smacks lips* no. *Pulls out replica sword aims directly to the neck of the store owner*

👴🏽 - please ... No no no. I just can't get up!

🗡️ - we're only here for one thing and it is not your dollar. We are here for your diamonds. *Stuffed hand into a money bag filled with the spoils that toy boy 🪖2 was swiping behind the counters* pure as crystal clear di-the hell? These are just gold rings dude.

🪖2 - there's diamonds on those rings

🗡️ - are you color blind? The stuff is sapphire. Or like a lapis?

🪖2 - does it really matter? It's still good jewels all the same.

🗡️ - you know by that logic we should just s◾◾t in the bag. Whatever. This thing? *Tosses card reader into the bag* like you said it's all the same.

👴🏽 - if it's diamonds that you want, I do have them in my supply replacement boxes. You find them in the back room, most West corner. Find a grey deposit box, labeled D. I. You'll find the diamonds there. That's all I have if that's all you want please.... I don't know where my keys are just bust the lock or whatever.

🪖1 - hey so I apologize for this or like... I mean we're taking your s◾◾t

👴🏽 - just get! Get!

= the three goons waltz into the staff back room as the old store owner lays there. One. Two. Three. Four. One. The man tries to get up but the old bones did get hurt in the scuffle. The man tries to find his footing as he eyes over the alarm switch. Just a simple few steps away if the impact felt like it broke a knee.

== zooming out. Out focus through the glass door of the gold 4 cash shop established on an empty lot surrounded by lowering concrete & steel buildings. On top of one across the road lies the top of an office building, spiffy with a slanted roof top to hang out in.

==== == set the scene

=green thunder and thy neon viking chill out on a good star gazing spot as they shoot the shit. Green thunder looking over his shoulder to see the jewelry store with the door open, though unaware of the shenanigans going on

⚡ - how is that a dare?

🪓 - hey it totally counts. I dare you, to tell me if you ever did hard drugs. Like you know we're... Hip.

⚡ - *sighs* I don't know what magic cocktails FAKES put me through the Surge, but I can say it's nothing to brag about. Still though like what kind of dare is that?

🪓 - so what is the college slumber party? Hey want to put out a game of twister, I'll spin the thing and get the four of us to cause wacky poses to try out!

⚡ - all right then fine you want to play hardball? Truth or dare.

🪓 - ...... I might as well pick truth.

⚡ - you ever told your family about this? Like you know being a superhero or whatever? At least I understand that you were orphaned but you know your actual-

🪓 - look at me man. *The washed out crusty dude of old hairy beard and hair donning a bright blue armor and a Viking helmet with neon lights going down his armor lines of cartonish nordic origins* my wife caught me in the act looking like this. She went into hysterics. And then when she said that anything I would tell her she would fully believe it and then I told her?!? *Slugs his flask* gughh..still paying for the kid.

⚡ - .. sheesh. I didn't really mean to upset it.

🪓 - and do you hear yourself? Like you phrased it in a way that I chose this life. No for what the blessing that the ancients of the old world gave me is not but a curse! Like Loki's trickery my lack of control of my power of the Viking Of The Southern Isle is not my style of life!

⚡ - *wrestling to change the subject* you know I still got a ma. I believe she's 60 something, set off to an old home down in Northern Florida. She at least knew I was dispatched the shadow ops thing just y'know... I thought I can get some advice about that but.

🪓 - you are barking up at the very wrong tree my friend. *Heffy burp as he takes out his phone, still a flip phone like* let me tell you some... One I guess. *Green thunder perks his head in interest* it's a lot of Trinity Justice boys gals, some still in contacts. Think there's one here, I think she can help you out with better advice than I can. A real people's person type of gal.

⚡ - ah geez man like *he takes out his phone being a standard android like with still the controller wheel on a bottom corner* sure man I really appreciate it.

🪓 - oh yeah this one's really chill all the solo acts and everything. Yeah here. Her name is TransVania, her nu-

= A cross the scene the cash gold store rings out an alarming bell that can be heard from the hangout spot

⚡ - Augh finally some action! Bet they haven't caught this one in. Wanna two to tango?

🪓 - fighting crime *hic* inebriated. Gotta *hic* drain my bladder *hic hic*

⚡- well whenever you want to walk it off, I got me a slice of this pie. And this time. *Sparks his knuckles out of electric impacts* I want a ala mode this one.

🪓 - hey man. Your air duct won't flush.

==== ==

[kakitysax]

Well dangit, now I have more eye colors to be jealous over, first green, now PINK. I HAVE BORING BROWN EYES THAT ARE SO DARK PEOPLE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CALLED ME A VAMPIRE (I still don't know where they got "vampire" from dark eyes)

Asdksgskgahgskdgsh

Okay I mean first of all brown eyes aren't boring at ALL

Man I loved a person with eyes like that once, so dark you couldn't tell the difference between the iris and the pupil. I used to just lie there and stare into their eyes until it felt like I was just sinking forever into this safe pool of dark chocolate warmth. Their eyes felt like the expanse of space, only welcoming and warm, like the universe was giving me a hug.

Relationship was garbage and I ended up leaving but POINT IS treasure your eye color mate I promise you eyes aren't pretty because they've got a cool color they're pretty because they're eyes and they're yours.

Also bruh albinism is fascinating as fuck but legitimately it would suck sometimes having skin and eyes that pale. Like, I'm just pasty, but having literally no pigment? Ouch. Lots of people with albinism that severe are legally blind and also can barely go outside because they'll get skin cancer levels of sunburn in 0.2 seconds.

So yeah might look aesthetic in the pictures but actually having it would come with a lot of complications.

[dragon-ascent]

Withdrawal

Zhongli stops helping with your commissions for a bit, and you realise just how exposed you feel without him by your side.

★彡Fluff, fun stuff, purely sfw

(Totally not inspired by me temporarily taking Zhongli off the team for the first time since getting him)

Zhongli does enjoy accompanying you on your commissions when he has the time to; spending time with you is all he could ask for.

He does notice how much you depend on him for even the littlest things, though.

“Zhongli, jade shield now!”

...And it’s a group of slimes minding their own business.

“Zhongli! Launch your meteor!”

...And there’s just hilichurl towers standing innocuously. 

“Zhongli, this is a task only you can do!”

…And it’s just to race against a little boy in the desert.

One day, as you leap into his arms in a panic, he decides - literally and figuratively - you need to stand on your own two feet again.

“Zhongli!” you exclaim, “shield! Put up the shield!”

Instead of doing as told like he usually does, this time he shakes his head. “This commission requires you to bounce on mushrooms,” he says, incredulous. “I assure you, my love, my assistance is not required.”

“What if we run into danger while bouncing around?!” you cry, almost hysterical.

Zhongli, bemused, replies, “We have been doing this very commission for weeks now without much issue. And should danger ever come knocking, you are more than capable of handling it alone.”

You huff. “But it feels way safer when I’m protected by you...”

He can’t lie; that statement warms his heart a bit, but he holds his ground firmly. “Darling, before I began assisting you, you proved to be very capable and confident in yourself. This extreme reliance on me has dulled it considerably, hm?”

You scoff. “Whaaat? No, of course not. I’m not that reliant on you! I can totally do things on my own, the help you give is just for added comfort. I don’t actually need it!” You cross your arms indignantly.

He smiles, choosing to see where this goes. “Then, how about I stop assisting you for a bit,” he suggests, gently putting you down.

You roll your eyes and scoff again. “Pfft, yes, whatever. Makes no difference!”

“Really? Will you fare just fine without me?”

“Of course!”

“Very well. Tomorrow, I will not accompany you on your commissions.”

“Fine with me!”

xxx

You regret this decision the very next day.

Trudging along the plains, the first thing you’re aware of is how instead of a confident stride, you’re moving along with a nervous gait. Your steps are unsure, timid, wimpy even. For someone who’s able to fell a horde of Ruin Guards, you certainly don’t look the part.

“Aiyeeeh!” you jump back, startled, when you notice a hilichurl sleeping under a tree. “Zhongli, shield me please!”

It takes you a moment to remember he’s not here with you today. You swallow, tense, and think it best to simply tiptoe away-

The hilichurl jolts awake and trains its focus on you, its club raised. 

You stumble back before realising you have a weapon too, you can fight. Grumbling, you sidestep the hilichurl’s lunge and retaliate with a slash of your own, ending the fight in one hit. Sure, it was a simple fight, but it lacked the comfort of a shield.

Shaking your head vigorously, you continue on. The sky darkens before you know it, and the flash of lightning that follows signals dangerous terrain. You continue on, unbothered, knowing Zhongli will save you from getting struck-

Ah. Right. 

Switching from calm to panicked within a second, you run around like a headless chicken, hoping not to get struck. Screaming, you take cover in the nearest cave you see. Sliding down to the ground with a sigh, you decide to wait until the rumbles of thunder die down before continuing along.

Except, the rumbling doesn’t seem to come from thunder.

Freezing up, you glance into the darkness of the cave. A pair of glowing eyes meets yours, and the rumbles grow louder and more feral. 

From the shadows emerges an enraged Thunderhelm Lawachurl.

xxx

Since you lack a man named Zhongli on this unfortunate day, the fight takes much longer than usual. You had to rely on your own dodging and healing, even deciding at one point to simply retreat and run away, but you’re quite the stubborn one.

By the time you’re finished, the rain has stopped as well. Quickly, you make your way to one of the commissions you’d been assigned for the day. A group of eremites sits around a camp, huddled quite close and discussing something over a fire.

You purse your lips. Their position makes the perfect target for dropping a meteor and finishing them all off in one sweep. But of course, the meteor man is at home, and you are meteorless. With a pang you understand now just how much you rely on your Zhongli.

It isn’t just the shield or the meteor; you realise how much you miss the utility of his stone stele too. You recall fondly one time you two were exploring some ruins for a commission, and had heard the sound of a Ruin Guard starting up. But before you could react to this, its homing missiles appears out of the shadows, rocketing towards you with tremendous speed. 

Zhongli, sensing he would be a second too late if he summoned his shield now, settled for summoning his dominus lapidis, throwing his arms over you protectively and ducking behind the newly-created pillar. The missiles pummeled into it, sending vibrations through the pillar, but it stood tall and solid even so. Zhongli had been holding you securely throughout the ordeal, his breathing mingling with yours, peering cautiously beyond the pillar until he was sure it was safe for you.

His raw combat skills are always a sight to behold too. One time, you had been fighting a gang of treasure hoarders when one of them had managed to snipe you before Zhongli could put up his shield. It was just a scratch to your arm, nothing you couldn’t heal, but by archons had Zhongli lost it.

Eyes glowing, spear gleaming, he had beaten those men up like he needed to bring more revenue to the funeral parlor within the hour. 

Yes...you hate doing this without Zhongli. “Ugh!” you shout, furiously plowing through the eremites you’d been tasked to handle now. “Ugh! Ugh! I can’t do this anymore!” Sighing as you defeat the last of them, you vow never to do a single thing without your god around. 

xxx

“Zhongli,” you whine, thoroughly exhausted, crawling back to him in the evening. “I can’t do anything without you...”

He looks up from the book he’s been reading, a small smirk of triumph briefly appearing on his lips before he puts his book down and turns to you with his arms out, which you instantly barrel into.

“But, my dear, I see you’ve completed all your tasks for the day. It seems like you can do things without me, yes?” “But it just doesn’t feel right!” you answer unhappily. “It’s not the same without you. I’m so used to the comfort you give me, that I feel useless when I’m without you.”

Zhongli cups your face and gives you a tender kiss on the forehead. “Oh, darling,” he says. “Is this your way of being romantic?”

You grin. “You could say that. I neeeeed you, Zhongli! Because I loooove you!”

This earns you a soft chuckle from him. “I love you too, darling.” You giggle and nuzzle him happily, and the two of you stand there in each other’s presence before he speaks again. “All right. I shall continue to support you for as long as you wish, my love.”

“Yay!”

And thus you become even more blatantly reliant on Zhongli’s protection, but honestly, he doesn’t mind it too much - as long as he’s with you, he’s happy he can be someone you can lean on.

[reareaotaku]

Masterlist I

Updated: September 13, 2023 [Completed] !Masterlist II Here!

Bnha

A Beautiful Tail Dead Man Running Pt1, Pt2, Pt3 What It's Like To Be A Dad Hate Kind of Love Yandere Shoto Todoroki Headcanons Trying to Breakup [Deku, Bakugou, Shoto] Man-Eating Bird Male! Toga

Voltron

I Don't Hate You

Swat Kats

A Pretty Kat Chance Furlong Headcanons

SVTFOE

A Sick Love

Sailor Moon

Escape The Squad

Kim Possible

Maybe We Need A Break

Hansel & Gretel

A Look into the Dark Fairy Tales Pt1, Pt2, Pt3

Lego Ninjago

The Green/Gold Ninja

Scooby Doo

Yandere Daphne Blake Yandere Scooby Doo

Own Characters

Are You The Villain Harry the Lawyer Priest Son Yandere Loser

Thunder Cats

You're a Prince? Fuck-

Charlie Brown

What an Annoyance Aged Up! Schroeder [Peanuts] Headcanons

Monster High

Yandere! Porter "Paintergeist" Geiss Headcanons Yandere! Cleo De Nile

Euphoria

Yandere! Nate Jacobs

Red Shoes & The Seven Dwarfs

Yandere! Prince Merlin Headcanons

Ben 10

Keep My Girlfriend's Name Out Of Your Mouth

Invincible

Yandere! Mark Grayson [Invincible] Headcanons

Big Mouth/Human Resources

Yandere! Pete Headcanons Loving You So [Connie]

Skip Beat

Yandere! Ren Tsuruga Headcanons

Lolirock

Yandere! Lolirock Headcanons

Metal Family

I'm Not a Stalker!

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Yandere Aang Headcanons

Miraculous Ladybug

Chloe x Reader x Mari

Percy Jackson

Yandere! Percy Jackson Headcanons

Twilight

Yandere! Edward Cullen Headcanons Yandere! Jacob Black Headcanons

Free! Swim Club

Yandere! Haruka Nanase Headcanons Yandere! Nagisa Hazuki Headcanons Makoto Tachibana Headcanons

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Yandere Sabrina Headcanons

Assassination Classroom

Yandere Karma Headcanons

My Life As A Teenage Robot

My Neighbor was a Robot

Phineas and Ferb

Ferb Fletcher Headcanons

The Originals/Vampire Diaries

Yandere! Klaus Mikaelson Headcanons Yandere Klaus Courting Yandere Elijah Mikaelson Headcanons Yandere! Damon Salvatore Headcanons

Shadows of Rose

My Only Friend [Drabble]

Welcome Home [COMPLETE/FINISHED]

You are Mine [Drabble] [Wally] Lovey Dovey Darling [Wally]

Bob's Burgers

Being a Belcher Calvin Fischoeder Headcanons

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Rodrick Heffley

Futurama

Yandere! Philip J Fry

Megamind

Yandere Metro Man

There's Someone in your House

Yandere! Zach Sandford Headcanons Sneaking Off with Zach

Barbie

Why Don't You Love Me? Yandere Ken! Headcanons I Love You Like a Doll [NSFW] Pleasurable Sin [NSFW] Red Faced Loser I'll Never Stop Loving You Don't Run from my Love

Clone High

Yandere! Joan of Arc Headcanons JFK Headcanons

Sabrina the Teenage Witch [1996]

Harvey Kinkle Headcanons

Corpse Bride

Yandere! Victor Van Dort Headcanons

Fairytales

Yandere! Male Cinderella Yandere! Peter Pan

Merlin BBC

Yandere! Merlin Headcanons

ICarly

Childhood Crush [Fred Headcanons]

IT

Ben Denbrough Headcanons Fear and Anxiety [Eddie]

Scream

Yandere! Billy Loomis Headcanons Call Me, Baby [Yandere! Billy Loomis] Lively Party Bloody Hands

SVU

Detective Chester Lake Headcanons Dr. George Huang Headcanons Rafael Barba Headcanons Sonny Carisi Headcanons