#Is that a spoiler? Do the 3 people that are interested in Interlude updates mind spoilers?

[solradguy]

This evening I wrote (in my notebook) 4 pages for the Interlude chapter 7 draft. We are so back, gamers

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP: Chapter 24: Do You Know The Line That I’d Walk For You

Title: For The Love Of A Princess

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3

Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: So someone over on @athingofvikings ' Discord server asked why there wasn't a discussion channel for FTLOAP, since he's my alpha reader. So he invited me to the server and made a channel for discussing my fic. The direct invite link can be found here or in @athingofvikings ' Tumblr sidebar on his Tumblr. Whoever is interested in discussing this fic, with me or others, is invited to join us there. :) I'll happily answer questions if there's something unclear or give additional background information (on Oswald for example), but won't give away major spoilers.

Further, I want to remind you that this is the second-to-last chapter before my NaNoWriMo-hiatus. There might be a small update somewhere in between, but else we start again in December.

. o O o .

“Odin, please, if you can hear my prayer, do something. Anything!”

Daniel’s lamentations made Astrid smirk, and she quickly lifted a napkin to dap her mouth in order to hide it. Eret and Dagur fared little better, both coughing to cover up their laughter, and Eret even slapped Dagur on the back as if he’d choked on something solid.

Around them, the feast for Dagur’s accolade was in full swing. In opposition to the smorgasbord in Eret’s honour, today a more formal meal was being served. There were beautifully arranged plates of meat, cheese, imported fruits, and pastries everywhere, with the guests sitting around tables of varying sizes all over the room, while servants bustled about, exchanging empty plates for fresh ones and filling orders for drinks. It was loud and frenetic, but to Astrid, it was a relief. No walking around, no bumping into other people, no need to avoid unwanted contact or company. Oh, sure, there would be mingling later, people leaving their tables to sit with others and have a chat. But Astrid planned to be long gone by then.

For now, she and her brothers sat around one end of the King’s High Table, separated from their fathers by a couple of empty chairs and from other tables by enough distance to keep other diners from easily overhearing them. It was a bearable setting for Astrid. Just like the night before, her father had offered her to leave once the formal part of the accolade was over, but today, she had refused. Her plan to sneak away to meet with Hiccup again still lingered in her mind, but this was Dagur’s big day, and she wanted to celebrate with him.

Even if, right now, celebrating meant Daniel was whining about how unfair the Gods and his Fate were.

“I mean,” Dagur said, still somewhat coughing and laughing, “you are the Crown Prince, right? You’re kinda important. Not to mention that you’re the one planning and deciding over these missions. Couldn’t you… I don’t know… just change those plans?”

“I only wish,” Daniel pouted. “But everything’s already been planned for months. I can order men to move, but logistics... that’s another thing entirely. Troops have already begun securing the general area and basic materials are en route to Loki’s Teeth. I wish I could rearrange things and start with Redpeak instead, but I fear I won’t get away with such a sudden change of plan. My decisions still should be sensible. You know, so people accept my leadership, and all? And overriding all the preparations we’ve made so far just on a whim wouldn’t be sensible at all.”

Astrid listened with a mixture of amusement and confusion, but when Daniel stopped his venting and returned his attention to his roast venison, she nudged Eret’s arm and asked, “What brought this up again? I thought he was done with this topic a month ago.”

Still grinning, Eret leant closer as if to whisper confidentially while still being so loud that there was no question whether Daniel would be able to hear him. “Oh, that’s Hiccup’s fault. During today’s training, he and Daniel ended up standing to the side and talking while Dag and I demonstrated stances to the lads. And apparently, Hiccup found yet another way to improve Redpeak in one of the books Daniel brought him from the library. Don’t ask me for any details, because I seriously didn’t understand a word when they were gushing about it over lunch. But now Daniel is desperate to get started with the improvements there instead of the repairs at the outposts around Loki’s Teeth.”

“And those improvements would be so useful come summer,” Daniel emphasised, pointing his fork at Eret as if that alone could prove his point. “A handful of men could easily hold that mountain path, and I’d have more spare men to send elsewhere. But the facts remain, I can’t change the plans anymore, not without a damn good reason. Besides, Uncle Spite has requested those repairs so often already, it’s about time we get them done. No, so long as no miracle occurs, Redpeak will have to wait until next year.” He sighed theatrically, which made everyone laugh again.

“Too bad being royal isn’t really about doing what you want all day, eh?” Dagur cackled, nudging Daniel in an attempt to cheer him up. It worked, to a degree at least, as Daniel snorted in agreement before stirring their conversation to a less frustrating topic.

Astrid fought to hide a grimace at Dagur’s words, but couldn’t keep her mind from wandering as the men began talking about this year’s recruits.

Doing what you want…

No, being royal really wasn’t about doing what she wanted, not at all. That was a lesson she’d learned very soon after she’d been supposed to start behaving like a royal. And these days, it was even worse. She didn’t even know anymore what she wanted.

Talking to Heather earlier had answered a few of her questions, though not all, and in addition, it had raised a couple new ones too. Some could only be answered once she and Hiccup were alone again, while others… Well, others, she had to answer for herself. Like the question what it was she wanted!

She wanted Hiccup and that foreseen future with him, wanted them bad. She would do nearly anything for that. But she still didn’t know what it was that was expected of her, what she would have to do.

Heather’s words kept whirling around in her head. ‘Don’t make a mistake you might regret.’ Astrid knew what she’d meant, and she wouldn’t… No, she definitely wouldn’t! Just like every young girl, she’d been taught what the changes of her body meant, how to cope with moon blood, and what it took to fall pregnant. That was a mistake she couldn’t risk. It would be a scandal, shaming not only her and Hiccup, but her father and Daniel as well. It would weaken the Crown, and that was something she couldn’t risk. She might hate being the Royal Figurehead, but that didn’t mean that she would willingly risk for the Kingdom and its people to drown in chaos.

So, what was it she was supposed to do? Hiccup had said that he had a plan, had promised that everything would work out. And she trusted him. She just needed to wait; he’d said he’d need time, after all.

The thought made her grimace though. Just waiting, hoping for his plan to work, and behaving as she should – not ruining anything until then… That sounded like a prudent plan, even though the thought alone made her shudder. She didn’t want to behave, to just sit and wait and do nothing.

But maybe this was what she had to do. Following the rules… Maybe it would be better to stay away from him until everything was settled. The correct way would be to wait. She knew she couldn’t risk falling pregnant, couldn’t… couldn’t actually have sex with Hiccup. But it was more than just that; even their secret meetings, their kisses and caresses, all that was against all rules already. It was wrong.

But how could something be wrong when it felt so… so right?

The men around her burst out into laughter and Astrid hastily chimed in with a low chuckle. She had no idea what they were talking about, but she at least wanted to try to keep up appearances.

Appearances… Doing what was appropriate… The thought left a strangely bitter aftertaste in her mind. Right from the beginning, that sentiment hadn’t applied to her and Hiccup. It wasn’t propriety that had let to their first meeting, not at all. Sneaking away against her father’s explicit wish, wandering around without the supervision of her brother or warder, spending hours chatting with a stranger, and secretly meeting and kissing him in a dark room – no, none of that had been appropriate. The rules of proper decorum didn’t apply to them, never had, so what was the point in trying to follow them now?

Swallowing, Astrid gazed at her hands, tightly wrapped around her glass of wine. No, the rules of society couldn't tell her what to do. Supposedly, those were Frigga's own rules, but it clearly wasn’t what the Goddess wanted from her, or else she wouldn’t have led her into Hiccup’s arms that way in the first place. So what should she do?

Once again, Astrid felt for the key beneath her dress, for the warm glow lingering in her heart – and fought back a sudden gasp of quiet laughter. Maybe that was it, maybe the answer was much easier than she’d thought. By binding her and Hiccup with a soulbond, the Gods had made all this a matter of the heart. So maybe this was her answer after all. She would just follow her heart and do what felt right. Sure, there were still lines she wouldn’t cross, but aside from that she would stop pondering whether what she did was right or wrong.

Smiling, she sighed, feeling as if an invisible weight had been lifted off her shoulders. This was still not an answer to all of her questions, but it was a start. At least one question was easy to answer now. She would definitely try to sneak away again tonight.

A light nudge against her upper arm made her blink and look up. Once again, she’d drifted off into her own world, but quickly composed herself again when she noticed Eret’s concerned eyes on her.

“Is everything all right?” he asked, his tattooed chin pointing at her hand that still rested over her heart. “You’re doing that a lot lately; you’re not getting ill, are you?”

Hastily, Astrid dropped her hand and reached for her fork instead. Spearing a piece of venison, she tried to appear unperturbed. “Sure, I’m fine. Of course I am,” she replied cheerfully, chewed, then threw him an easy smile. “Why wouldn’t I?”

He gave her a long, indecipherable look. Once she thought he wanted to say something, but then he shook his head, more to himself than to her. “Never mind,” he said, and turned his attention back to Daniel and Dagur.

Odin, she ought to pay more attention to who might be watching her. Gulping, Astrid followed his example, and turned her focus back on her brothers and their conversation. From the few comments she picked up, they were discussing tactics for sea battles right now, and she tried to concentrate in order to make an appropriate remark somewhere. It was not a subject she was particularly interested in though, and her mind was in danger of drifting off toward a certain pair of green eyes again, when she was saved by the arrival of an unusual visitor.

“Good evening, Prince Daniel, Princess Astrid,” a voice like liquid silk sounded from the side. “Sir Eret, Sir Dagur.”

They all turned toward the newcomer, and then quickly rose to greet her.

“Fyrir Mala!” Daniel spoke first, bowing deeply. Eret and Dagur followed his example as Astrid curtsied appropriately, all murmuring greetings as well. “Good evening to you too, fair lady.”

The woman nodded, her short blond hair swaying only slightly. Daniel offered her the chair next to him, the heavy fabric of her black-and-golden dress rustling as she sat down. Astrid and the others took their seats again too, clearly puzzled by the Fyrir’s appearance. As highest member of the Order of Freya, she had little to no dealings with any of them. Not like Fyrir Throk, who worked in close relation to Daniel all the time when it came to the skirmishes in the West, or the Fyrir’s Gothi and Alvin, who regularly had dealings with the castle.

They all sat quietly, slightly stunned, as Daniel waved over a servant with a tray of wine glasses, handing one to the Fyrir.

“Thank you, your Highness,” she said formally, and took a sip of the wine. Astrid wondered what had made her approach them, and, judging by their expressions, Daniel and the others were wondering the same. But before either of them could ask, the Fyrir placed her glass back on the table and looked up at them.

“My congratulations to you for your accolade, Sir Dagur,” she said in her melodic voice. “And of course, to you too, Sir Eret. I beg your apology for only delivering it now.”

Both Dagur and Eret murmured a confused “Thank you,” sharing a puzzled glance, as the Fyrir reached for her glass again. Astrid understood them all too well; while the Fyrir’s words were adequate for the occasion, it was clearly not the reason for why she was here.

Daniel tried his best to awkwardly engage her into their conversation, commenting on the feast and the weather, but that only highlighted how there seemed to be no purpose in her approaching them. “As much as I appreciate the honour of your presence, fair lady,” he finally said more directly, glancing over to the other end of the table where their father and the two Grand Dukes were chatting amiably. “May I ask… to what we owe this honour?”

Fyrir Mala smiled in her usual, mysterious way that always made Astrid think of a cat; as if she knew a secret, but wouldn’t share it with anyone. Though truth be told, that probably wasn’t so far off. “I came to deliver a message. One of my Ástir asked me if I could do so, and I did not see a problem in fulfilling her request.” She turned her head toward Eret. “Cami sends her regards, Sir Eret. She asked me to thank you for the safe journey, and to inform you that she is settled now. She also wanted to extend an invitation to meet her on the day after tomorrow to you and… your friends?” Her voice perked up just a tiny bit at the end, turning her statement into a question.

Curious about what that could mean, Astrid turned to glance at Eret, and judging by the puzzled look on Daniel’s face, he was wondering too. But Eret had a huge grin on his face. “Thank you for delivering that message, Fyrir Mala,” he said, insinuating a bow. “I am glad to hear she settled in well. And as for the invitation–” he glanced at Dagur, who also wore a grin on his face, and at Daniel who shrugged and nodded slightly– “we accept it gladly.”

The Fyrir nodded, then turned to Daniel. “Will you be joining your friends, Milord? Or shall I inform Kaden that you are coming for a visit? She has no appointment for that day so far.”

“Ahm…” Daniel made, glancing at Eret and Dagur with a raised eyebrow. “I think I’d prefer Kaden’s company.”

Again, Fyrir Mala nodded as if she hadn’t expected anything else, then rose from her chair. “I will see you soon then, Milords. Milady.” She nodded to everyone in farewell, and then was gone just as quickly as she’d appeared.

“She’s an odd one,” Dagur murmured as soon as she was out of earshot. “Even for a woman. No offence,” he added, winking at Astrid, but then put on an overly dramatic expression. “But did I get that right, Daniel. You prefer some woman’s company over ours? I’m hurt!”  

“Maybe there’s more, but he’s just not telling us,” Eret suggested, one eyebrow raised and with an insinuating grin.

Daniel groaned. “You’re horrible. No, there’s not more to tell. I just enjoy her company, okay?”

“Sure thing, we totally believe you,” Dagur teased.

“So, who is this Cami?” Daniel asked, turning to Eret and unsubtly changing the topic. “I don’t think I remember you ever talking about her? Is there something we ought to know?”

Astrid bit her lip, knowing that Daniel couldn’t be further off, but also glanced at Eret expectantly. She, too, was interested in his answer.

“Oh, no, not what you think,” Eret laughed. “She’s a good friend, but nothing more.”

Dagur snorted. “What, the daughter of one of the Stallari of Freya’s Order is ‘nothing’?”

Astrid’s eyebrows rose at that; the Stallari were the senior priests, directly under the Fyrir.  And while internal Temple politics were complicated, as she knew somewhat from Heather occasionally telling small tales, that sort of family tie was nothing to sneer at. She glanced at the two Dukes’ sons and wondered for a moment if they were playing politics, or if history was going to repeat itself, or something else.

Daniel seemed to think that it was the first option. “Oh, look at you pair of social climbers!” he teased. “Which Stallari?”

“Eastervale’s. And it’s really not what you think! She spent the last couple of years learning to become a full Ástir. This year, she finished her education, and when the decision was made that she would move here to the capitol, I offered to organise for her to travel with our servants. I thought that would surely be much safer and more comfortable than making such a journey on her own. She’s also the one who smuggled Markor’s normal saddle for me.”

“I see. But are you telling me that you’ll only be chatting and drinking tea with her then?” Daniel asked, smirking. “I was wondering about the ‘bring your friends’ part. But in that case, I should tell Fyrir Mala to call off my appointment with Kaden so that I can join you after all.”

Dagur snorted in amusement, but if he wanted to say something, Eret beat him to it. “No, we definitely won’t be just chatting,” he chuckled. “But Cami is… well, she doesn’t mind me bringing friends. Dagur came along a couple of times when he came to visit Eastervale, and during the last few months, Hiccup met her occasionally too.” He shrugged. “She’s great.”

“Sounds like she’s going to be busy enough with you three then,” Daniel commented dryly. “So I’ll stick to my choice; I prefer a more intimate atmosphere with someone I know.”

Eret nodded, but when he answered, his words didn’t register in Astrid’s mind anymore. The mention of Hiccup had brought her thoughts about him back to the surface, and whatever bantering went back and forth between her brothers quickly faded into the background.

Of course, Hiccup had been with Ástirs, that was no surprise. It was custom, after all, that young men were brought to the Temple of Freya as soon as they ‘spilt their desire in their sleep’, although she had no clue what that meant. It wasn’t only to sate their desires though, but also to teach them the particulars about sex, so that they could ‘pass that knowledge on to their wives and their married life would be full of joy’. Or that was all she had ever learned. That she was not to ask any inappropriate questions and was to wait until she could ask them to her future husband.

She felt another smirk tug at her lips and quickly suppressed it. Oh, she could ask those questions to her future husband, alright. But the first and most important question was… what did she want to ask him? What did she want to know? What did she dare to ask?

Again, her hand wandered to her chest, not caring whether Eret or anyone else would notice. She just needed the support even that simple touch offered to cope with her thoughts. Astrid still wasn’t sure what she really wanted. Not actually having sex, that was for sure. But she wanted more than just the kisses they’d shared so far. And at the same time, she wasn’t even sure how much more she even could take, whatever it might be.

The thought of getting touched like that again still made her shudder. Despite her own assumption and Heather’s reassurance that… that it wouldn’t always be like what Harold had done, she was still nervous. What if she was broken, damaged beyond repair, could never stand a touch like that again? Would that change anything? And did Hiccup even want to touch her like that with how he was always pushing her back?

The questions kept whirling around in her mind, and it made her dizzy. But it also strengthened her resolve to sneak away and meet Hiccup tonight. She needed answers, and only he could provide them.

“I think I’d like to leave now,” she announced quietly as she noticed how the first guests started to leave their tables and meandered around. This was when she’d planned to leave anyway, and in the company of others, where she had to behave, she wouldn’t be any good for celebrating anyway.

“Of course,” Daniel nodded. He waved a servant over to send for Tuff, and then gave her a reassuring smile, the same expression she saw on Eret’s and Dagur’s faces too. They kept her company until Tuff arrived, warding off whoever wanted to approach them, and it made guilt rise inside her. They cared so much about her, tried everything to make her feel comfortable no matter how distressing the situation might be for her. It made lying to them so much harder. Sure, letting them assume that crowds of people bothered her wasn’t even a lie, but it also wasn’t the real reason why she wanted to leave. One day… One day in a far-away future, they would hopefully all laugh about it together…

When Tuff came to escort her back, her relieved sigh wasn’t a lie at all though. She just wanted to get away, from the people, the laughter, the tension and the lump that was forming in her throat, and toward the safety of a certain pair of warm arms.

Once back in her chambers, she proclaimed herself to be tired, and it didn’t take long until Ruff had her dressed for the night and she was lying alone in her dark bedroom. And she was nervous.

It wasn’t the same as the previous two times she’d snuck away though. Wringing the fabric of her blanket in her hands, she tried to lay out a plan for what she wanted to ask Hiccup. Approaching him with such a plea – breaching yet another rule by getting more physical than any unmarried couple should get – was huge; she knew that, and it wasn’t a step she took easily. But it still felt right. Hiccup was not like other men, she’d known that right from the first time she’d heard his voice. She trusted him. And just kissing simply wasn’t enough anymore.

Juggling all those thoughts in her head, she lay still, her heart racing, as she waited for the noises of Ruff and Tuff in their rooms to settle down. Anxiously, she waited for another half hour or so before she left her bed as quietly as she could and walked over to her dressing room on silent feet. With her ears perked up for any sounds, she pulled her hidden stash of clothes from behind one of the wardrobes and changed into the borrowed dress of a serving girl. Warm boots and a thick woollen cloak with the key to the castle’s sallyport in one pocket completed her outfit.

Only a couple of minutes later, she left her chambers through a servant’s entrance, and once she’d reached the more general area of the castle, she dared to breathe a sigh of relief. She’d escaped her guardians’ watch once again, and getting noticed in the general chaos around the still-ongoing feast was fairly unlikely.

Just like the last two times, Astrid escaped the castle without any trouble, and with nervousness churning in her guts, she made her way through the dark night toward the stables.

. o O o .

Hiccup lay outstretched on the blanket that marked his bed, arms crossed behind his head, and stared at the stable’s ceiling. He wasn’t waiting, he told himself. He didn’t know whether Astrid would come here tonight, so there was no point in waiting for her. He could just as well go to sleep; he’d wake up anyway in case she showed up. And yet, he couldn’t…

He couldn’t calm down enough to sleep, his thoughts and emotions too jumbled, just like they’d been all day. This morning, he’d woken up with mixed feelings already. The idea of spending the day at the fighting ground, of standing against young men who actually wanted to fight and who would – without a doubt – be stronger and more dexterous than him and his stupid leg, had made him nervous. But he’d also looked forward to watching Astrid as she demonstrated her skills with bow and arrow, to seeing her as the strong and confident person he knew she was deep inside. Eret had told him enough of the usual procedure, after all. These two reasons alone had been enough already to leave him torn, but to add to those, the prospect of spending an entire day in her presence without being allowed to even look at her too much… that had been daunting.

By the time he’d reached the garrison, he’d almost felt prepared though, but only to have everything come out differently anyway.

He hadn’t needed to fight at all, since the swordmaster had already validated his skills before. That had been good. And for the rest of the day, he’d tried to focus on that, on the positive. On not getting rammed into the ground by some overly eager heavyweight instead of the panic in Astrid’s eyes. On discussing his ideas for Redpeak with Daniel instead of going crazy over her absence.

She’d been so pale… Seeing her sitting in that carriage had made his heart sing, as always, but not for long. He’d seen the pain in her eyes, how her face had drained itself of all colour, how she’d trembled. Not hurrying toward her, supporting her… if had taken every tiny bit of self-control he’d been able to muster.

And then there hadn’t been any news about her at all anymore. Over lunch, Daniel had requested an update on how she was doing, but the servant had only been able to inform him that she wasn’t in her rooms, that her warder was with her, but that her maidservant hadn’t told them where they went. Daniel had thanked the man and had sent him away with a knowing smile that made Hiccup guess Daniel knew where she was and wasn’t worried. That was something, at least – but not quite enough to keep Hiccup from worrying for her too.

Not being able to help her – not being allowed to help her – it nagged at him. She was so tough, acting out her part despite all the pain and fear inside her, lying to those closest to her, just because of him… And all he could do when she needed him was standing unmoving and watch her suffer. If only there was something he could do for her, something to help her with her fears and struggles, just… just something!

But he couldn’t think of anything.

With a heavy sigh, he reached for the latest book Daniel had brought, a collection of maps of the Western Mountain Range with explanations and descriptions of the terrain, vegetation, and general information. Maybe this would be able to distract him from thinking about her all the time. At the very least, it would be helpful to know all this come summer, and would let him be even more of an aid for Daniel and the others.

For about half an hour, Hiccup forced himself to concentrate on the pages, successfully pushing all thoughts about Astrid into the back of his mind, before he heard the already so familiar noises from the stable’s entrance door. The unavoidable scraping of metal against metal, the careful rustling of fabric as she entered. In a heartbeat, he was up on his feet and out of his stall, an eager smile on his face when he spotted her.

She looked strange though, weirdly timid in the way she stood there, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, chewing her lip, her hands wringing the heavy fabric of her cloak.

“Hey,” he greeted her with a warm smile, amused by how different this greeting was from the one the night before.

“Hey,” she replied, her voice thin, barely more than a high whisper. She only glanced up at him once before her eyes dropped and a slight blush, barely noticeable in the dim light, spread across her cheeks.

This was not what he’d expected. But maybe, what had happened that morning had hit her harder than assumed. Concerned, he stepped closer, reaching to cup her face. “Hey, how are you? Is everything all right?” His question made a quick smile tug at her lips. Or maybe it was his touch, he wasn’t sure.

“Yes, I’m good,” she mumbled, leaning into his hand for a moment before sobering up again. It made him doubt her answer, especially when she looked up at him with an anxious expression. “I just…” she began anew, biting her lip again before she went on. “Can I ask you something?”

Frowning, Hiccup nodded, pulling her along to sit down on the straw bales in his stall. “Of course,” he replied sincerely. “Anything.” And he meant it. There was nothing he wanted to hide from her. The thought of her possibly asking after his past made him cringe a little, but if she wanted to know, he would tell her. Or try to, at least. But that wasn’t what she wanted.

“What… what is it that’s between us?”

Her question caught him completely off guard. Was she really asking that? Sure, they’d never really talked about it, but… but she had to know! Right…? “It’s… it’s a soulbond,” he replied carefully, not sure what her question was about or where she was going.

Astrid gazed at him with a weirdly pained expression, nodded, but directly shook her head. “I know but… This bond,” she mumbled, placing her hand over her heart in that gesture he was all too familiar with. “Is that… all?” There was a slight shimmer in her eyes as she glanced up at him again, making her look incredibly vulnerable.

But Hiccup still wasn’t sure what she meant. A soulbond was supposed to be the strongest and truest connection people could share; what else could there be that outranked that?

He lifted his shoulders, a little helplessly, so she went on, “I mean… Is that… all that’s between us? Just this bond, the Gods’ Will? You keep bringing it up, and I... I mean, I can’t compare this to anything else. I don’t know how it’s supposed to feel, but… but to me, it’s so much… more...“ she broke off, voice trembling, and finally he understood.

Her reluctance and that pained look she’d gotten when he’d brought up the bond the night before… It all made sense now.

Gasping out a shaky laugh, he slowly shook his head. “Oh Astrid,” he sighed, reaching out for her hand to entangle his fingers with hers – just like their lives were entangled into one thread too. How could she even think… “Of course, that’s not all! Astrid, I…” He trailed off, trying to find words strong enough to make her understand.

But even those too-weak words already seemed to be enough for her face to light up. “So, it’s not just that the Gods decided for us?” she asked for clarification, hope shimmering in her beautiful eyes.

It made Hiccup’s heart clench painfully. That’s what she’d been thinking, and because of his words, no less? “No, it’s not just that,” he clarified softly, squeezing her hand tighter. “Astrid, I’ve never felt anything even remotely close to this before. But it’s definitely more than just obeying to the Gods’ wishes. You… you’re like my personal sun, what makes my life warm and bright when I’d thought it would be misty darkness forever. And I don’t really care if it’s what the Gods want or not. It’s what I want. You’re everything to me.”

Joy sparkled in her eyes, and with something between a sigh and laughter, she leaned forward, almost threw herself into his arms even. Before he could do anything, her lips had found his, kissing him, short but hard. “It’s the same for me,” she gasped against his lips, still giggling occasionally. She was shaking, and he pulled her closer, tilting his head to kiss her more deeply in a slow and sensual manner. She complied without restraints until she sat in his lap once more, her hands in his hair driving him mad. Hiccup felt the usual heat build inside him, but fought to push it down in order to concentrate on her, on letting his lips and tongue move with hers.

Holding her in his arms like this, it was a wonderful feeling, especially after how worried he’d been for her all day. Just feeling her lithe body beneath his hands as they wrapped around her waist, knowing that she was all right. Inhaling her potent scent of mayweed, listening to her gasping for air as their kiss ended. Her warmth beneath the fabric of her dress, the way her body yielded, soft against his chest...

“How was your day?” he asked, retreating slightly to look at her. Forcing himself to focus.

“It was… okay,” she said with a shrug, absently fiddling with strands of his hair. She looked too tense though for her words to feel real.

“I mean, what happened at the fighting ground...” he asked carefully. He didn’t want to pry, but he wanted her to know that, with him, she didn’t need to act tough.

“Oh, that…” she smiled weakly, slightly shaking her head as she dropped her hands. “It was nothing. I just… overreacted, I guess. It was the place, Odin’s Tree, the memories…” Shivering, she shrugged. “And I feared… well, with how shaky my hands had been, I wasn’t so sure whether shooting an arrow at our future King with the goal to miss him would be such a good idea,” she added, laughing slightly. “Just imagine what would happen if I’d missed that goal?”

Hiccup nodded, understanding. “And afterwards?” he asked gently, not wanting her to linger on that thought. He could imagine all too well how much that idea must have scared her.

“I visited some friends,” she said, smiling absently. “Just getting on other thoughts, you know?”

“And did it work?”

“It did,” she nodded, then frowned. “Those other thoughts, though...“ Once again, she blushed, shyly peeking up at him as she bit her lips. “I… I’d like to try something… if that’s okay?”

Confused, Hiccup nodded. A smile tugged at his lips as she leaned closer to kiss him once more and it reminded him of that day after Eret’s accolade, where she’d said something similar. And just like then, he let her take the lead, only carefully kissing her back, and waited for what it was she wanted to try.

Blindly, she reached for his hand, and he complied as she lifted it to her chest, wondering. He could feel her hand over his heart, warm and soothing like so often before. Basking in their connection, feeling each other’s heartbeat while they kissed, it was a wonderful sensation, but nothing they hadn’t done before. So, what was it she wanted to–

Hiccup froze.

Astrid had placed his hand over her heart, as usual, but instead of the firm plain over her sternum, he felt… soft, yielding flesh, perfectly sized for his hand to cup and…

With a grunt, he retreated. He stared at her, at his hand on her breast, and back at her eyes. There was a strange expression in them; stern, but also pleading and insecure. Her hand that was firmly holding his in place even as he made a half-hearted attempt at pulling away, was trembling.

“Astrid, what…?” he gasped, head spinning. This was wrong, he couldn’t, mustn’t touch her like this, it wasn’t allowed, wasn’t…

And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to put more force into pulling his hand away. Not with the vulnerable pleading look in Astrid’s eyes, and not with how… how good it felt. How right! So he just shook his head, over and over, disbelievingly, panting, his heart beating frantically.

“I just...,” Astrid breathed, her voice so weak that he could barely hear it over the blood thrumming through his ears. “I just want to know… I mean, if you don’t want to, you don’t-don’t have to. But… I just want to know… how it feels.”

A strangled groan escaped him. If he didn’t want to? Gods, if she knew just how much he wanted to! Without his help, his fingers flexed, and the little gasp she made in response almost made him lose every bit of coherent thoughts. Yes, he wanted to; wanted to touch her, feel her, draw more noises like that little gasp out of her. He wanted–

Desperately, he shook his head, yet was still unable to move his hand away. “Astrid, we can’t!” he implored, fighting for control over his body and mind. “It’s not right, too risky. What if–”

“None of this is right, if you ask anyone else,” she interrupted him. “Our kisses, our feelings, me being here…”

She had a point. But still.

“Astrid – that’s different. We–”

“I know,” she interrupted him again, voice trembling but with a little more vigour in it now. “And I don’t… I don’t mean…” She broke off, lips and eyes pressed shut for a moment before she looked at him again. “I don’t mean to go… all the way,” she clarified, another endearing blush spreading over her cheeks as she swallowed. “No… no getting naked and… that. I just want to know… how it feels when it’s you touching me… It’s supposed to feel good, right? I just want to know how it feels, or whether I’m broken...”

Understanding dawned on him, and he could only stare as his mind worked through what she’d said, what she meant.

She was afraid. Of course she was, she had been all the time. She was afraid of what had been done to her, of a repetition, of how that influenced her future. Broken… She wasn’t broken, and he knew that. If she had been, she wouldn’t have been able to stand any of their interaction.

Hiccup swallowed, eyes closed as he tried to think. He’d wanted to be able to do something to help her, so that she could overcome her fears… And here now, she asked him for this?

He shouldn’t give in. There was nothing but a very thin line between what she asked for and what would be too much. But he could see how scared she was, how deeply hurt she was by her fears. He’d wanted to be able to do something for her... Well, this he could do. For her, he could walk this line.

His free hand trembled as he reached to cup her cheek, tilting her head a little before he leaned in to kiss her, deep and slow, his hand on her breast moving with the same pace.

. o O o .

When Astrid had come here, she’d been incredibly nervous.

But now, pressed into the straw, she did not, could not feel any of that any longer.

She felt wonderful. Everything was so intense; his lips on hers, robbing her of her senses, his weight on top of her, barely supported on one arm, his hand on her breast, caressing and squeezing. The way their gasped breaths mingled. It was intoxicating.

A small part of Astrid wanted to laugh at herself. For all these weeks now, she'd marvelled about this strange feeling, this warm tingling in her belly that only Hiccup could elicit in her, had wanted more of it.

On other times, she’d wondered how making love would feel, whether she would be able to stand a man's touch, or whether her attackers had ruined that for her.

But now, she understood. Now, she realised what that tingling sensation was as it grew with every single one of Hiccup's touches, became stronger, hotter, more, until it seemed to consume her, robbed her of all senses, and ruled her every thought.

Oh yes, she would have laughed at her own stupidity if only she'd had the mind for it. But instead, she moaned against Hiccup's mouth as his thumb brushed over her breast, over her nipple beneath the dress. It was such a light touch, and yet so powerful, so overwhelming. She arched up, seeking more, and felt his lips stretch into a grin.

His motions grew stronger, his whole body moving against her, with her, and she wrapped her arms around his waist just to have something to hold on to. It was maddening, wonderful, and her only regret was not to have done any of this sooner.

Eventually, Astrid became too distracted by all those sensations to keep kissing him, and he seemed to fare little better. His lips brushed over her face, her neck, leaving damp spots of condensed breaths and distracted licks in their wake. Her hands clenched, crunching up his tunic and slowly pulling it upwards. Eventually, her hands touched the bare skin on his back, smooth, but damp with sweat. Again, her hands clenched as his tongue left a damp spot just below her ear, her fingers digging into his back. It made Hiccup groan against her neck, the sounds vibrating through his entire body.

Despite her spaced-out mind, his reaction thrilled her. Because he'd reacted to her. She had drawn that sound out of him. Curiously, her hands wandered on beneath his tunic, gliding over more skin than she'd cared to think about so far but found utterly irresistible to touch, Hiccup's continuing groans spurring her on even more.

Soon, he was moving more and more rhythmically, rocking and grinding their bodies together. Her skirts, squished between them, were completely rumpled, but Astrid couldn't care less, the sublime sensation of them being so close on so many levels robbing her of every other thought.

“Ahh-strid!” he moaned, then suddenly let out a wild howl, muffled against her neck. His whole body seemed to twitch and shake, pressed so tightly against her that she could feel how his muscles flexed, even through their clothes.

It bewildered Astrid, but only lasted a couple of seconds. Then he stilled, panting ragged breaths, his body trembling but otherwise unmoving.

“Hiccup?” she asked, confused as she let her hand glide over his back again. “Are you all right?”

He made a low noise, something between a groan and a whine, and pushed himself up on shaking arms to gaze down at her. He looked… strange; face slack with his lips parted, his eyes blown wide, dark, and with an almost… scared expression in them.  

“Oh, Gods...” he gasped, slowly shaking his head, then awkwardly rolled off her and sat up. Groaning, he buried his face in his hands, mumbling words she couldn’t quite understand.

Astrid sat up too, watching him. She was confused, didn’t understand what just happened. Why had he stopped? And what had happened to him? “Hiccup, what–” she managed to get out, reaching out her hand to touch his shoulder, but didn’t continue when he lifted his head to throw her a pained look.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, visibly fighting between leaning into her touch and scooting away. “I’m so sorry, that shouldn't have… Freya, forgive me, I didn’t mean to…”

“Hiccup, what happened?” she demanded, now a little scared herself. What had brought on this sudden change?

But again, Hiccup just gave her that pained look. “I’m sorry,” he said instead of an answer. “I just… hope... I hope that it was, was okay? For you, I mean?”  He swallowed nervously. “I mean... I know you didn’t... Gods, did that help... help answer things?”

Astrid nodded, getting more confused with each word he said. Okay wasn’t the right word though. It had been fantastic. She still felt as if her body was singing, blood thrumming through her, seeking more of his touch. It hadn’t been enough.

“Good,” he murmured, shoulders slumping. “But this was a bad idea. I never should have let it come this far, should–” Once more, he broke off and shook his head.

Astrid felt the urge to crawl over to him, to embrace and kiss him, to tell him that it was okay. But she didn’t even know what it was that bothered him. Had she made some mistake?

“I-I think you should go back,” he finally said, more firmly than anything he’d said before. “You really shouldn’t be here, it’s too dangerous. Too risky. Yeah, you should…” He fought himself up on his legs, holding one hand out to help her up as well.

Bewildered, she followed him as he led her to the door. He walked a little strangely, but that might be because of his leg. She pondered offering her help to massage it again, but decided against it. Hiccup seemed sincere in wanting her gone. Meticulously, he checked her dress and hair for stray bits of straw and did his best to straighten out the wrinkles in her skirt. Then he declared her good to go, and opened the door for her.

Astrid hesitated though, throwing him another puzzled look. “Hiccup… I’m sorry if I did something wrong, I didn’t mean–”

“No, no,” he cut her off. “No, you didn’t… Gods, no, Astrid. It was my mistake, my responsibility… I’m sorry!”

None of this made sense…

“Are we… good?” she asked cautiously, eyes burning with the threat of tears. She didn’t want to cry, but, Gods, she was so confused.

But to her relief, Hiccup’s features softened. He made a cautious step toward her, and after hesitating for the briefest of moments, took her into his arms. “Yes, we are,” he reassured her, even pressed his lips to her forehead. “We are good, always. But you really ought to go now.” He let go of her, and she made a few steps toward the door, but then turned toward him again.

Let your heart guide you.

Before he could react, she had crossed the distance between them once more and stretched to press her lips to his. Her hands were curled around his sharp jaw, cradling him, holding him.

For the blink of an eye, she thought he would resist, would pull away. But then he leaned in, his arms wound around her waist, his lips parting easily for her. He kissed her back with all the abandon she’d hoped for, the sudden tension between them simmering down into the background.

When they parted, Hiccup gave her an apologetic but warm smile. “We’re good,” he repeated, voice sincere and thick.

Astrid nodded, smiled tentatively, and then turned to hike back to the castle.

But she still had no idea what just happened.

. o O o .

This chapter was one of those I had in mind for ages. I'm pretty relieved that it's done now, even though I feel like it didn't end up quite as I wanted it to... But then, it never does...

What are your thought about the part at the beginning, their conversations and Mala? And what about the Hiccstrid part? Some bits still feel a bit rushed to me, sorry there...

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