#Instead of a 'eh just in case' it's 'there's a virus most people get that's usually harmless but for some people it can show up

[stardustedknuckles]

Jesus fuck I thought Sam was gonna do a bit and was absolutely blindsided by the cancer talk. Holy shit. I'm so glad he's okay.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Chasing Providence {Dimitrescu/OC} Pt 1

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Pairings: TBA, at minimum platonic House Dimitrescu/OC, with some wlw side characters (also original, but not the focus of the story) Rating: T for mild violence and possibly triggering content Warnings: A character briefly threatens suicide as a means of prolonging a conversation (i.e. saying "if you don't listen, I'll ___") Additionally, this contains spoilers for Resident Evil 8. Summary: Months after being infected with a mysterious virus, investigative journalist Avaskian Caldwell is left with no choice: Xe has to get help, one way or another, from whatever remains of the Umbrella Corporation could be trusted. Or, perhaps, from the very person who started it all... Along the way xe'll have to get along with vampires, fight off would be hunters, befriend a hoard of cultists, all while performing the duties of an everyday servant. There's nothing xe won't try as xe's forced to chase providence. Notes: While this chapter features a somewhat talkative Ava, xe's normally selectively mute, and will be for the entire rest of the story.

1: Blood Runs Thick

“This can’t be it. No fucking way, bruv, are you sure you got the address right?” The journalist asked, eyes narrowed as xe stared out into the distant hills. One hand held a phone, currently without any signal, while the other kept a tentative grip on the van’s door handle. To their side was the driver, a middle-aged man with relatively little patience. When he replied, it was in a language the journalist didn’t speak, but could clearly understand as a swirl of profanity. “Alright, alright, I get it. Not like I could afford to pay you to take me back, anyway… I’ll just, uh, be going then. Try to have a nice day, eh, you old chap?” With that said xe opened the door, hopping out rather eagerly. After tucking xer phone into xer pocket, xe quickly gathered xer bags from the trunk, half expecting the man to drive off before xe had a chance.

Surprisingly, he stayed all the way until the journalist gave two hard pats to the van’s side. Then he practically slammed the gas pedal, speeding off in a whirling cloud of dust and kicked up rocks, promptly sending xer into a coughing fit. Curse these feeble lungs, xe thought, scowling. Absent-mindedly xe put a hand to xer throat, silently checking if xer, ahem, ‘wounds’ were still covered. Once satisfied, xe turned to the long, winding path into the village. Was this truly where the ever-elusive “Miranda” could be found? What in the blazes of hell was a scientist like herself doing here, in a mostly empty stretch of Romania? The thought sent a rush of anxiety to the journalist’s chest, as xe wondered if this “Miranda” would even consider helping xer. Xe hoped that, at the least, xer unique case would get her attention.

In the end, it took xer twice as long as expected to reach the village proper. There were no signs along the path, nor signs of life, other than countless dead birds, hung like falling leaves from every tree. Once, a display this gnarly would have made bile rise up in xer throat. But these days? After everything xe had researched? This was no hell, not when compared to the bombed ruin that was Raccoon City. Yet xe still cut xer hand when hopping the barbed wire fence, as if once again a rookie, too desperate for the truth to see the proper world. Fresh blood dropped onto the snow, but xe allowed xerself no wince nor complaint, instead focused on the figures moving in the distance. Strangers. Nay, sources. Someone would know something about the mysterious Miranda, even if they didn’t realize it.

So the journalist made haste, approaching as casually as xe could, considering the heavy traveler’s bag on xer shoulders, and the sturdy cane xe walked with. It was the latter that caught people’s attention first, as it click click clicked against the stone path. Before long there were several pairs of eyes on the journalist, some of them bearing thinly veiled hostility, others filled with nervousness.

“Who are you?” A man growls, stepping in front of a woman (his daughter, based on similar features, age difference) as he does. One of his fingers jabs into xer chest, daring them to take another move, carrying an unspoken threat within it. For a few seconds xe simply smiles at the man. Somewhat amused, xe hoped that xer natural charm would win the day, despite a quick glance telling them that most of these strangers were armed.

“I’m a journalist-” xe started to say, until the others moved their hands towards their holsters- “or at least I was, once. But I come asking for assistance, kindness from my fellow humans,” xe said, gesturing widely with xer arms. This made the others present pause, though the journalist wasn’t immediately sure that xe hadn’t just misspoken. Romanian was not xer first language. Or xer second, come to think of it. Oddly enough, however, it had clicked rather quickly in xer brain, as if xe had always been meant to speak it. “You may call me Avaskian Caldwell. Or just Ava, or just Kian, or just Vas, depending on your mood. Ah, but that hardly matters. I am here… to find a woman. Someone I have heard much about, a, how do you say… ‘marvel’ of science? They tell me she is called ‘Miranda’. Have I come to the-” xe do not get to finish that sentence. Before xe can understand what’s happening, someone has grabbed xer by the throat, attempting to life xer into the air.

For once in xer life, xe’s glad for the ‘extra insulation’.

“Fuck you, outsider, you don’t deserve to taint her name with your foul tongue!” The man shouts, squeezing xer throat, urged on by the jeering crowd. A smarter person would have been rather concerned at that point. But the journalist- Ava, as xe said- was not known for xer cleverness. That did not, however, stop xer from exhibiting cleverness. Taking advantage of xer ridiculous arm joints (which may or may not be doubled, possibly merely weird as fuck), xe reached into xer bag, ignoring the crowd’s scared reaction, retrieving an evidence bag. Inside of it: several broken vials, each marked with a symbol of terror. This is not a place of honor the symbol screamed. To the villagers, it meant something else, something older. To Ava? It meant the prophet of death, it meant Umbrella.

“I come bearing the sign of your village. I come bearing the scars of your Goddess,” Ava proclaims, raising the bag into the air. As soon as xe does, xe is released, the man scrambling backwards. Others turn away, some leaving, a handful gathering to pray. ‘Twas an odd display, but one that Ava preferred over a public execution. Only one person dares to approach: A woman, likely mid thirties, with dark eyes and darker hair. There’s a clear caution in her movements, as if it was taking all of her courage to not flee. “Do you perhaps know how I may reach Miranda? I am in dire need of her knowledge.” At this, the woman flinches, though her gaze lingers on Ava’s throat. It’s then that the journalist realizes xer collar was undone, exposing xer strange, ever-bleeding wound. The stranger does not speak until xe has covered the deformity.

“One does not simply reach Mother Miranda. But there are ways to get her attention, to ask for a, hmm, blessing,” she explains. With a sigh of relief, Ava starts to celebrate, eager to find a cure for what ailed xer. But the woman wasn’t done speaking, and her next words cut a thick line through xer hope. “It may take a few weeks, maybe less, but we can ensure your prayers are heard. Mother Miranda always rewards the faithful. Even those who start out as outsiders. In the end, all are welcome here, if they keep the faith in our Mother.”

“No, no, that won’t do!” Ava snaps, far harsher than intended. The woman flinches again, and xe starts to pace back and forth, trying to release xer pent up energy. “There has to be another way. Faster, more direct. I don’t-... I might not have time to wait. Please, please, anything you can do to help, even if it’s just pointing me in the right direction…” A gulp, eyes shining with unshed tears, a quiver of the lower lip. Falsehoods alike, directed for an honest purpose. Miranda was xer only hope for information- and, perhaps, for salvation. But the latter had never been Ava’s true priority.

“There might be one way, but it is dangerous. You’d be more likely to die on the path than reach your goal, if I am honest. Yet… if there is anyone in all the village who can grant you the audience you seek, it would be one of the four lords. If you are certain-” the woman could only watch as Ava nodded furiously, silently begging- “so be it. Follow me, but do not say I did not warn you. I do not want your spirit coming to haunt me for my act of pity.”

—————————

“An unexpected guest? How… delightful. Do tell me why you even bothered to drag this miscreant before me, Cynthia?” Lady Alcina Dimitrescu asked, with a scowl, staring down at the fragile human in question. Of all the things she had expected to find, once her head servant called her, this was not one of them. An intruder would have been more likely. Perhaps even more fun, if Alcina felt like letting her daughters join in the resulting feast. But this ‘thing’ was hardly worth her time. They were short, although admittedly somewhat plump, with a scent that implied illness. For once, she could not pinpoint the exact disease by smell alone. Not that she cared, really. ‘Twas simply… interesting.

“Please, allow me to introduce myself. You may call me Avaskian Caldwell, and I come with an… offer. With mutual benefits, I assure you, Lady Dimitrescu,” the journalist answered, giving a deep bow. Despite xer manners, Alcina seemed unimpressed, even irritated by the display. Still, she gestured with her right hand, encouraging xer to get on with it. “I am in need of a meeting, specifically one with the much beloved, dearly respected Mother Miranda. In exchange, I offer two things: The sweat of my brow, and the blood in my veins.” Much to xer displeasure, Alcina replied with loud laughter before fixing xer with a hard stare.

“Pray tell, little thing, what makes you think I won’t simply take your blood now, hmm?” She muses, cackling again, ignoring the way her servant flinched at the sound. But Ava did not waiver, instead simply reaching into xer sleeve. Slowly xe pulled out something metallic, speaking firmly as xe did.

“For one, Mother Miranda would certainly dislike losing out on this opportunity,” xe started to say, unable to stop xerself from smirking. Then the knife fully exited xer sleeve, dancing in the light, before pressing against xer own throat. It was certainly a unique threat. Instantly Alcina rises to her feet, only pausing when she realizes that she wasn’t the one in danger. “Secondly, my blood is worth more if I am alive. You see, I have a wretched ‘condition’, which does a handful of lovely, lovely, life-threatening things to this poor vessel of mine. But someone as intelligent as yourself could find plenty of use for my so-called ‘illness’. If you give me a chance to explain, that is.” Though she does not sit back down, or even nod, it quickly becomes clear that Alcina did not intend to interrupt. Yet. “Grand, grand! I do appreciate it, my Lady. Now, let me just grab the research I brought with me…”

Never once lowering the knife from xer throat, Ava digs into xer bag, forced to briefly clip xer cane to xer belt. Then xe retrieves a closed manilla folder, carefully handing it to the giantess in front of xer. Wordlessly Alcina accepts the item, opening it to peruse its contents, only pausing to put on a pair of reading glasses. A minute of quiet passes before Ava continues xer explanation.

“I heal faster than anyone else on your staff, guaranteed. Hell, I cut my hand down in the village, on some damned wire, and the wound has already closed back up, good as new. That means, of course, that if someone were to let’s say… remove some of my blood, well, it wouldn’t take too long for me to get more, now would it? Obviously there has to be some biological counter, some form of payment for my ability. The rule of equivalent exchange, and all that, yes? As it stands… I eat an extra slice of bread a day. That’s it. Nothing bad enough to cancel out the boon of my blood. My… extensive reservoir of blood. Interesting, yes?” Ava says, still as charming as ever, despite the indescribable terror in xer chest. If there was one thing that xe had learned as a journalist, it was how to hide xer fear. Which was plenty useful, in the current situation, especially when Alcina flips a page to reveal the one downside to xer condition.

“Don’t tell me you came all this way to try and deceive me. Here I was, beginning to think something of you, and you hand me a sheet that says it clear as candlelight: Your blood is dirty. Infected. I won’t be drinking it anytime soon, nor would I even consider allowing it to be used for my family’s wine!” Alcina is essentially yelling at this point. But Ava only takes a step forward, smile present but trembling, and gestures for her to turn the page. With narrowed eyes she does, quickly reading through the notes. Once, then a pause, then once more. Finally she closes the folder, setting it down upon her desk. “Fascinating. You are indeed a… unique case. I cannot guarantee you a meeting with Mother Miranda, and even if I do, it will be because of your condition. She will use you, as is her divine right to do, likely without ever once considering attempting to cure you. But if you are determined to meet her, well,” Alcina leans in with her own grin, sending chills down Ava’s spine, “I will not stop you. Here’s hoping you manage to give me plenty of blood before you ‘expire’. Cynthia, show her to the servants’ quarters. I expect her to be working by tomorrow morning. Dismissed.”

Although Ava could not help but twitch at the Lady’s choice of pronouns, xe had expected this. Eventually xe would explain the indefinite nature of xer gender. Or perhaps xe was doomed to die a horrific, tragic death long before xe ever had the opportunity. Either way, xe could not help but feel a small sense of elation, pleased to have made some progress towards xer goal. Three steps forward and two steps back was still, cumulatively, a step forward. In time, xe would likely come to regret this series of choices. But who among us could say they held no regrets at all? And if, in the end, this storyteller came away with one hell of a story… wouldn’t that outweigh the regret? Even if Ava did not know it, xe would one day learn a valuable lesson from the strange family xe now worked for: Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb. Oh, and what a lovely covenant it would be.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 14 - The Party To Protect The People From The NHK (N Koku Party) commences "Same sex, same name stealth operation".

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome....Well, recently, who knows whats really happening?

J: Yeh, its troubling. I've been spending a lot longer looking at my phone and computer. I've been getting a lot of coupons. My favourite shops or brands are all going online...well, no ones going into the shops, so they can only sell online. So i've been getting coupons like, if you spend over a certain amount, you'll get 20,000yen off.

T: I see.

J: I think like, 'Waa, I wanna spend!'..but then I think, actually since April, I've had less work so I need to restrain myself. I experience this conflict every day for about 15mins. Like, whats wrong with me?

T: I see.

J: Thats thier strategy.

K: If you have free time...

J: Thats it.

K: You'll end up spending money.

J: Normally, they have expirations, and I just think 'Aghh', so its really...

K: You can't help buying stuff, right?

J: I do end up buying stuff!

K, T: *laugh*

J: I really do! I bet there are people out there addicted to coupons! Aren't you? Are you ok?

K: Well, im ok. I just shop by mail order.

J: Ahh

T: I see

J: People are shopping like that a lot right now.

T: Hiranabe san, who works at our place, he's got a lot of offers from night time establishments, and he's troubled as to what to do.

J: Oh, to get him to go there?

T: Yeah. He got an unprecedented amount of messages.

K: (quietly) Unprecedented?

T: Like, 'please come, please come, please come'.

K: He only gets them now? Cause he'll be quick to spend.

J: How is Hiranabe san doing?

T: Well, as expected, he seems scared. He's in his 50s, it looks like he finally understands that his life might be in danger if he caught the virus. He wears a mask, he wears pollen protection glasses. When he goes outside he's like..'the virus won't get in my eyes'.

J: Sounds like a terrorist! Thats just like him.

T: He flipped 180°. He used to be the guy who says, 'Im not wearing a mask'.

J: Oh, really?

T: He's that different now.

J: Well, Im a similar age to Hiranabe san...

T: I can't believe it!

K: I can't believe it.

J: So, what was it?..Its risky, if you are over 50 its more dangerous?

K: Ohh right, yeah.

J: If you catch it, there's a higher death rate at this age?

T: Also, men are more at risk, right?

K: Yeah.

T: They are saying the death rate is higher for men.

J: Well, we are among that group. Shall we get on with the main topic? I thought we'd go with a topic that is unrelated to corona this time.

' "N Koku Party's 'same name, same sex' stealth strategy for Shizuoka no.4 district Lower house by-election". With the death of Mochizuki Yoshio, the LDP's former environment minister, candidates standing for election are the LDP's Fukuzawa Youichi, an independent group of the unified opposition's Tanaka Ken, independent candidate Yamaguchi Kenzo, and the Party Against the NHK (N Koku Party)'s Tanaka Ken, whose name is the same as the unified opposition's candidate. N Koku's Tanaka Ken uses the same kanji, and has the same reading as the unified opposition's Tanaka Ken. The opposition parties, electoral commission, and local media are racking thier brains about it. If a vote is for 'Tanaka Ken', there will be no way to distinguish between the two. Its a proportional division system, so ambiguous votes will be split according to the overall percentage of votes. The electoral administrative committee have taken measures to change the rule that makes a ballot paper invalid if it includes anything other than a candidate's name, to allow a candidate's age to be written aswell. As a result of this, with the aim of reducing ambiguous votes, the unified opposition are promoting 'Tanaka Ken - Age 42' in thier election cars, posters, and online in order to attract votes. On the other hand, N Koku's Tanaka Ken surprisingly hasn't taken any action. He has refused pre-election interviews with the media, hasn't published an campaign bulletin, he doesn't appear in election posters, he has no plans to visit the area. There are expected to be people voting who are unaware that two Tanakas are standing for election. As for N Koku's aim, their leader, Tachibana, had this to say.."We want to test how the votes will be split when there are candidates with exactly the same name. We are not appealing for votes either online or on the ground. We are a weak political party, and want to know how we stand *1'.

There's also suggestion of running another female candidate named Koike Yuriko for Tokyo governer. I thought we could talk about this kind of same name/sex disturbance strategy which the N Koku party has set up.

T: Its amazing, isn't it?

K: So are they doing it to siphon votes?

J: It seems like it, yeah. Especially, that would be the aim if it was for Tokyo Governor.

T: They said they wanted to test how the votes would be split, so like you said Joe, for Tokyo Governor, if it was someone else called Koike Yuriko, they would want to get the data of how the votes are split.

J: Well, its not about freedom of expression, but there is nothing illegal about what they are doing in terms of the election, so its totally ok for them to do this. What do you think, Kaoru?

K: Well..*laughs*, even if you ask.....its interesting but...how will it end up? But, well, hmmm...its fine, isn't it?

J: As it happens, I've been on a radio event with Tachibana san once. And also...well, in this kind of election, a candidate who no one is expected to vote for is called a bubble candidate, the most famous example is Mac Akasaka. I've worked with Mac Akasaka before, so I've listened to what these kind of guys have to say. I mean, certainly, these guys are laughed at and made fun of a lot, but apart from the question of what Tachibana Takashi is doing, to be a candidate for Tokyo Governor, you have to pay a deposit of at least 3 million yen. And if you recieve under a tenth of the total valid votes, you have to forfeit your deposit. The Tokyo Governor elections get about 5 million votes, so if you get under 500,000 votes, you will lose your deposited 3 million yen. As for national elections, the deposit is 6 million yen. So you can call it a prank all you like, but they are spending a lot of money to do this. What a lot of bubble candidates will tell you is, its not free, so they are doing this with the intention to win, they do think thier ideas will improve the country, improve thier party. If there was no financial risk, it would end up at the level of annonymous postings on SNS. But after they've actually paid money, most of them will start electoneering. Making election posters costs money, and there's the cost of gas to run a car to go handing out flyers, and all sorts of things like that. It will end up costing another huge chunk of money in election costs. So in doing this, there is another side to these guys other than, 'they are just idiots'. Maybe they are trying to get people to change the way they see elections, instead of just routinely voting for the faces they know.

T: Well this case has great advertising effectiveness.

J: It does, yeah.

T: Tachibana san's name has really been sold with this.

J: It has.

T: Like, with his own business, and on you tube and stuff *2.

J: Well, as for my personal opinion, I remember Uchida Yuuya running for Tokyo Governor. You can still find his political broadcast on youtube, its great. If you compare Yuuya san to Tachibana san, honestly, Tachibana san seems to have more of a knack for it.

T: Its interesting seeing that kind of political broadcast on NHK. ????*3

J: Well, even in times such as these, we are still having elections. From now on, due to corona we'll probably see new ways to vote and new ways to do all sorts of other things.

K: Its created a need to re-think things, like with the custom of personal seals...in Japan there's a big custom of 'You have to do it this way', or 'You need it on paper'.

J: Yeah, as you mentioned Kaoru, the custom of using personal seals...in the end, even Japan's IT minister also stands as the head of the organization to retain personal seals. Somehow in Japanese society, one of the things companies insist on is the personal seal. There are those who ask why they can't just settle things digitally, but if the minister responsibile for advancing IT is also the head of a group advocating to retain the personal seal, there is a clash going on now. This is the kind of time to think about changing the political system.

T: Things would change a lot if we switched to online voting.

J: They would change, yeah. If young people started voting a lot online...

K: Yeah, right now, in the situation we have now, I think people are starting to think about future.

J: Yes, in that respect, although its very difficult with corona around, I feel like we are starting to wake up to the things we have just put up with till now. I mean, what comes next? In particular, with coronavirus, a lot of countries' governments have taken on huge powers, and in some countries its almost like a corona dictatorship. So, its very difficult, but we really need to slightly re-think the way we carry out elections and the way the state operates from now.

T: We, ourselves are a part of it, right?

J: Yes, yes...Yep, so, same sex, same name...it even hard to search for him. I wonder what this candiate actually intends. ?????*4

K: He's not showing his face much.

J: What will he do if he wins? ...Eh? Hello??

K: Is he sleeping?

Kami: Yes, yes.

J: Were you asleep, Kami?

Kami: No, I was waiting till you called on me.

J: Oh, you were waiting? Oh, sorry.

Kami: I've had a thought.

J: Oh, have you?

Kami: I have...Um, Joe should run for the N Koku Party.

J: *laughs*

K, T: Ohhh

J: Me?!

T: Thats a good idea.

J: Would it be ok, though?

T: In the Tokyo Governor election.

J: In the Tokyo Governor election? Which election?

Kami: It would be ok, yeah.

J: Would it?

Kami: Yeah, anything is ok.

J: *laughs* You couldn't participate in the election could you, Kami? You don't have voting rights?

Kami: No, I don't, but instead, I can make myself into substance.

J: What?

Kami: By pretending to be a citizen.

T: Prentending to be a citizen?

J: Oh, is that it?

K: So that means you could pile up votes for someone?

J: Right?

Kami:...No, I can only do it once.

J: Oh, so you can only take on substance once?

Kami: Yeah, yeah...a bit like Devilman.

T: Ah, like Devilman.

J: But if you could do that, surely you'd be able to do it will two or three people? I feel as if you've just made that up.

*K laughs*

J: Did you just make that up, Kami?

Kami:...Yes, I did.

K: *laughs*

J: He did.

K: I feel like his heart hasn't been in it for a while now.

T: *laughs*

J: Kami, has your mind been elsewhere?

Kami: Ye...uh, no no no.

K: He said yes!

J: *laughs*

Kami: Crush the NHK.

J: Yes, crush it.

K: Well, on that note, I think we can finish here. Thank you, please tune in next time. Please subscribe, thank you very much.

J: Please do.

Kami: Vote for Joe!

*1 I think the confusion arises here, because rather than ticking a box, Japanese voters have to actually write down the name of the person they are voting for.

*2 Think thats what he meant.

*3,4 Couldn't catch these bits.

[princesscordero]

Chasing Dreams amid the Pandemic

Ever since the pandemic broke the news in the country, it has been affecting the lives of every Filipino. Education, livelihood, and health became a worry to almost everyone. Wearing a face mask and observing social distancing are some of the safety protocols that must be followed. But despite these rules, the virus can still be transmitted. But that fact cannot simply stop someone who is making a living. For anyone unprivileged, money is always worth the risk.

That is exactly the case for Joven Orap who is a 21-year-old working student.

Joven taking notes during online class.

Joven is a 3rd-year Business Administration major at the Eulogio “Amang” Rodriguez Institute of Science and Technology (EARIST). He juggles his studies with his part-time job in a branch of McDonald’s in Cubao, Quezon City.

McDonald's in Farmers, Cubao.

McDonald’s lets their student employees work only on the days that they do not have classes. That seems great but not for Joven who really aims to earn since he is only supported by his aunt.

He only has two days of classes weekly but with the five available days for him to work, he is not always called to take a shift. Sometimes he can only come twice every week because there are not many customers like before, so the branch does not need many crews. When asked if he prefers the situation now over before, he firmly said that he would always pick being busy instead of staying at home earning nothing.

Joven applied as a service crew with the intentions to support himself with his studies, provide his wants to himself, and contribute financially to his family. Since he can barely report to his job these days, he grabs every opportunity to work whenever he could.

For him, working while studying is not so much of a hard task to juggle anymore in the New Normal. He said that the last time he had conflict with his work and studies was during the launch of the BTS Meal. There was a high demand for service crews, but since he had class that day, he rejected that. For Joven, education is his number one priority.

“Tingin ko pinakanakakatulong talaga sakin para kayanin (ang pagiging working student) is yung time management skills ko.”

Joven answering a question during interview.

His one tip to not cram school activities is to do it as soon as possible.

“Sa una ka lang magiging comfortable ‘pag nagprocrastinate ka eh. ‘Di worth it yung stress na mararamdaman mo kapag ica-cram mo na gawain mo.”

He also added that this technique is helpful for him since his work in McDonald’s could sometimes be a surprise. He said that there are days when he is suddenly called to report if they lack crews. So for him, he should always be prepared if that happens. Aside from being an obviously diligent student, Joven is also one of the scholars of the Quezon City municipality.

When asked about his dreams, he answered that he wants to become a successful person, in particular, he said that he wants to be an HR manager someday. He said that this is what really inspires him to stay driven.

Although he admitted in the interview that he still feels scared about his health. What scared him the most was when a crewmate tested positive of the COVID-19. Luckily, none of the other crew members, including him, got a positive result when they were tested. He said that that was a relief, but he knows that he could still be infected so he leveled up his protection.

He got his first dose of the vaccine last month and is about the get the second shot this month. He also added that he takes Vitamin C now to strengthen his immune system. On top of this, he always makes sure that he properly wears his complete PPE when he is at work.

Joven riding a train going home after a 5-hour shift.

Joven knows that he is still not completely safe from the virus in spite of all the ways he does to avoid it. But then again, life goes on for him even if there is a pandemic. He said that the pandemic cannot stop him from continuing and fighting for his dreams. But just like everyone else, Joven hopes for this dilemma to end.

“Sana matapos na (itong pandemic) kase ang hirap lumabas at magtrabaho na may takot na baka mahawaan ng virus.”

Joven, just like many others, strives to continue to live the normal life in the midst of the pandemic. Except for the fact that unlike before, lives are more at risk now.

Time might have paused for people lucky enough to have breaks but not for someone who still got a lot of dreams to chase. For people like Joven, wasting time is not a choice. To survive is not only to not be infected by the virus. To survive is to finally achieve the dream you have always worked hard for. The risk of earning might not be an assurance for getting dreams to come true. But money will help along the way, so for Joven and all the other people like him, it will always be worth the risk.

[philosophicalparadox]

Demon Splicing and Why the Clones Failed.

This is more like a research paper than a fan theory, but hey, I had fun. I’ll try to improv some citations at the bottom, but I don’t guarantee that Tumblr will let me keep them there. 

Now, this is a HUGE, MASSIVE, LONG-ASS POST, and once more it is ultra-sciencey; so if you have any confusions, questions, or want to just look the other way and just go “eh, magic” then that is totally okay. I don’t, and won’t, claim to be any kind of authority on these things; I just needed an excuse to open my computer again and I guess do some intense research into etymology (that would be the study of anything with an exoskeleton, basically. I promise it is very much relevant to this theory.). 

Summary/TLDR: Demons need specific qualities in their hosts in order to suit themselves, ergo they modify their host’s bodies by using Mutually symbiotic viruses, akin to those of the Polydnaviridae ingroup which coexists within several genera of parasitoid wasps, to alter the human genome. What we explore here is how they do so. Also, because it is intrinsically connected, we will also be dipping our toes into why, exactly, the clones weren’t “suitable” in all instances, as well as how demons may or may not select their hosts. This circles back to my previous post discussing the Twin’s and Paternity, and specifically the topic of genetic expression, though you do not need to have seen or read that post to understand what I’m talking about here. Also discussed is the matter of genes that humans lack, but which would seem to find their way in during possession; the production of feathers, the formation of additional limbs, proteins,  and such which are simply not within the power of any existing virus we know of to alter . 

One thing must lead to another however, so before we get into the biological science, we need to get into the hypothetical, cosmological stuff that is quantum physics. Didn’t see that one coming, did ya?

Demons and DNA: 

We know from that one elusive panel of chapter 44 ( I think...) that demons have genetics - they have genes, which implies that they have, at the very least, DNA. The question then is how, but more so where - where did those genes come from?. Demons don’t have physical bodies, right...? Why would they need DNA? 

Because maybe some of them do possess actual, physical “bodies”, or at least cells, that preside in Gehenna. 

The Demon Kings are quite likely to be an exception rather than a rule, considering they were the first demons to have come into existence, or at the very least the first demons to have ever attained bodies -- which is precisely how demonkind may have obtained DNA in the first place, via a phenomena called horizontal transference. 

Now, I’m going to contradict, in a sense, my other post here, and tell you to forget what you were taught about viruses in high school. Virology is a complicated school of biology, and viruses are extremely simple, and yet extremely complex organisms. Now, viruses typically contain RNA which allows the virus to reproduce once it is injected into the cells of its host by combining viral RNA with eukaryotic (for the sake of simplicity) DNA. 

However, there are strains of viruses that contain DNA, not RNA. No one is completely sure how these viruses evolved, but one theory would suggest that these dnaviruses “stole” part of their genetic material from the hosts they evolved with, incorporating pieces of lipids and proteins to turn their RNA into functional DNA; this process of one organism “stealing” DNA from another is called horizontal transference, and it is how bacteria and other asexually reproducing organisms maintain genetic diversity and “evolve”. 

But, you ask, how the bloody hell does a Virus have DNA? How does it replicate?

 When most people think of viruses, they think of mobile ones, pathogenic ones - but dnaviruses are not usually pathogenic, instead highjacking the excretory or reproductive systems of their hosts and using their reproductive cells to spread genealogically from parent to offspring. One well-studied example of this is the polydnavirus found in Ichneumon wasps, which are themselves parasitoid. They reproduce by injecting their eggs into the bodies of paralyzed caterpillars, who then feed the hatching larvae with it’s living tissues. However, one problem the wasp faces with this method of reproduction is the caterpillar’s immune system, which could kill the eggs - were it not for the polydnavirus, which produces chemical signals that prevent the caterpillar’s immune system from destroying the precious egg that is it’s host cell. As the larvae develops, the polydnavirus is replicated into the cells of the larvae, and once it hatches it is literally born with the virus in it’s body. (I’ll let you go wild with the half-demon thing there, I’m here to talk about possession right at the moment.)

Ok, ok, but what does this have to do with demons? after all, demon possession is, in a way, “contagious” since demons can go from host to host. 

Welcome then, to the world of multi-viral mutual symbiosis - fancy way of saying viruses can work together to meet the ends of one another in a host if it benefits both viruses. Demons may possess some form of this event, being somehow sentient (by means perhaps of primitive, conductive cells not unlike what you would find in a jellyfish) but ultimately composed of or utilizing not only one, but several strains of viruses to fulfil their parasitic ends, one which allows them to infect the host and modify existing DNA, and one which can incorporate it’s own DNA into that of the host to bring about desirable conditions. To that, I must add as a courtesy that those primitive conductive cells which could, in a way, offer sentience, may in fact be what comprises the physical manifestations of demon’s hearts. None of this is, of course, to explain demon magic, which is a subject I do intend to breach one of these days - but not today. Today, we do science.

 This goes away to explain why Todou sprouted feathers, a phenomena that would not have otherwise been biologically possible given the constraints of human protein structure. That isn’t to say that it would be impossible for a virus to modify via RNA transcription keratinoid proteins to form hollow attachments, which is exactly what you find in polar bears and porcupines, but the structure of feathers is, I’m afraid, just too far off the mammalian path for it to be but a 0.03% likelihood via RNA transcription alone, meaning that it would have to have been the result of DNA that isn’t human. 

Speaking of statistical probabilities: 

Cloning and the Failure Thereof

Humanity has a hollywood-induced idea that cloning organisms is a fail-less system, when that could not be further from the truth. In point of fact, only about 3% of all attempted cloning experiments with everything from fish to sheep produce viable, healthy clones. This is because cloning is done, kind of ironically, in much the same way as a virus operates; by using the  DNA and RNA of the existing mother’s cell’s to complete the chromosomal pairing up that normally happens in the zygote during fertilization. Because of this, the RNA transcribes, ideally, the same exact DNA code that the “mother” has; but here again we get into genetic expression, because though a clone is genetically the same as it’s parent, it is exactly BECAUSE it is genetically identical that recessive (and often in the case of  some experimental animals, fatal) traits and gene combinations can occur, depending on exactly how the original, zygotic DNA is copied. Even when using the RNA of the same organism, transcription errors naturally occur -- and they occur so frequently, in fact, that very few cloning attempts are ever successful; that is, they either produce genetically weak, fatal-combination, infertile, or underdeveloped offspring that ultimately can’t be re-cloned or which can not reproduce, and therefore negate the incentive to clone an organism for it’s “healthy genes”. 

Connecting the dots: 

When a demon is cloned, it’s human DNA is cloned; but so are the genetic modifications of the dnavirus, which is why clones seem to have human superpowers. They are no loner 100% genetically human, and that opens the door to all kinds of genetic complications and probably meant that thousands, not hundreds, of clones were “discarded”, and hundreds died before they even lived. Simply put, it’s an absolute bloody miracle that the cloning thing worked at all, much less that Lucifer was able to remotely perfect the technique. 

How he did so is not so much a mystery though; unlike what you would assume, with mammals at least, the more often you re-clone a clone, the “cleaner” it’s genetic code seems to become by phenomena of natural selection and artificial selection; clones with good genes are re-cloned, clones exhibiting bad genes are culled or die on their own, and so on and so on until you get a good sized population of identical clones. With the added fuel of the elixir to make growth happen phenomenally fast, it’s not too surprising that he has a private stock of cloned bodies to inhabit whenever he likes. (Which gave me big Orochimaru vibes, just sayin’). 

As for the RNA virus body, I suspect that is retained with the demon at all times, which makes sense because once and RNA virus stops replicating it’s RNA into the host, the host cells re-fix the “broken” codes and eventually replaces the alien DNA created by the virus with it’s own; however, a dnavirus’ DNA gets worked semi-permanently into the system of it’s host, since it has it’s own completed code which is then, reversedly, transcribed over and over by the host’s RNA transcription, which is why dnaviruses went undetected by science until about 20 years ago, and why, God forbid, if there was ever a pathogenic dnavirus, we would all be royally screwed because even the best immune system on earth can’t detect a dnavirus because our immune systems rely on identification markers dependent on RNA viruses; oddly, however, so does every other organism, meaning there literally is not a single living thing, including caterpillars and spiders who are victims directly of “pathogenic” polydnaviruses, has an immune system that could find the damn things. They utilize the host’s own RNA to transcribe their DNA, and therefore go almost completely undetected by whatever they infect.  

Speaking of which, let’s talk about:

Immunity and Prions

If Demons rely on RNA viruses to primarily infect their host, then it would make sense why some people would be more resistant than others; however, there  is a compelling aspect of demon possession which makes me think that it is the other way around - everyone is resistant, until they are not. 

Demons typically possess bodies which have weak-minded and psychologically stressed individuals behind them. Stress weakens the immune system, but it does so in specific ways; and certain viruses in real life are programmed to take advantage of these specific measures more than others. 

Right now in the US, there is a nasty epidemic of CWD, Chronic Wasting Disease, spreading through native deer populations on the east coast. This “zombie disease” is a virus that infects the nervous system of the deer (along with cattle and sheep) and forms prions - folded proteins that are then replicated, and replicated, and replicated; and like cancer of the brain, they just keep on replicating and replicating, eating up the animal’s energy reserves and drastically impacting their behavior and bodily functions, starting by supressing and outright destroying their immune system. Mad Cow Disease is a more famous example of a prion disease in the same family as CWD, except that those prions migrate; they move into the soft tissues of the animal and make every single part of it impossible to eat without also contracting the prion, which contains the virus; and MCD is not remotely picky about it’s host, since it affects a very basic protein structure. Any and everything from birds to reptiles to humans can be infected by MCD and it is completely fatal. 

My point is, that CWD and MCD both primarily infect animals exhibiting high levels of stress hormones, which is why outbreaks happen primarily during the breeding seasons for these animals. Not only that, but the virus then directly attacks the animal’s immune systems and opens them up to every kind of secondary infection you can imagine. 

However, prion diseases and even just plain old viruses can do the exact opposite as well. HIV is a common virus that kills you by making your immune system hyperresponsive, not by shutting it down; it becomes so responsive, in fact, that it attacks healthy tissues. Prion diseases which affect insects also do this, creating folded proteins in the nervous system of the bug that trigger it’s immune system to continuously flood the body with antibodies until it is just too exhausted to do so, and the insect’s body decays as a result of secondary infection. 

It could be that this is the case of demons as well. Prions would be valuable in affecting the behavior of the host, though not necessary; they would, however, make the ingestion of a possessed person almost guaranteed to infect you, since most viruses just don’t have the defenses on their own to tackle stomach acid, but a prion virus does. 

To recap: 

Demons use DNA and RNA viruses to infect and modify their host to their liking, perhaps using the assistance of prions to aid in endurance and transmissibility. Because of this, cloning is a gamble of “what DNA will I pull out of the box today” since the DNA virus’ DNA, and possibly even any prions, is left behind even after the parasitic demon leaves; however, the RNA virus is inert once it leaves a host body, and therefore is retained by the demon within whatever primitive cells they may carry in their demon hearts, which may be taken from some immutable “form” or body that they possess on the other side of the divide (in Gehenna); these alien forms may be the byproduct of their first ever possession, using, perhaps, horizontal transference to absorb some of the DNA from their first (and possibly even subsequent) host and then re-incorporate it into subsequent hosts, which is how Amaimon would be reptilian in spite of having a mammal body; because he perhaps, first possessed or found genetic favor of a reptile of some kind and “borrowed” the DNA from them via horizontal transference, since it worked for him. This can then be applied in turn to all other demons, or at least demon kings. 

DISCLAIMER:

I spent literally a week researching this stuff, but I am welcome to criticism of my shoddy work. Also, I am in no way saying this is technically right; it’s just a theory after all, and you’re more than welcome to disagree. :)

If anyone wants to add on, feel free. :) I think I’m done for the week. 

[bearpillowmonster]

Wreck-it Ralph 2: Ralph Breaks the Internet Review SPOILERS

Here it is, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to see this in theaters but then my family said they wanted to go and knowing there is a Tron reference and Daft Punk played in the trailer...I wanted to see it. The first movie was alright, to be honest I was disappointed the first time I saw it but it grew on me over time. My main problem with it was that it was based in Sugar Rush most of the time instead of going from game to game. This movie didn’t have that problem since it’s the internet, there were tons of locations. It started and only a few minutes in is the Tron reference, I’m going to be a while on this one. They were on the classic lightcycles but it glitched and they were frozen in one spot, the rest of the movie they said it was broken. I look at this literally and metaphorically, that’s how Disney views Tron. Right now they don’t know where to go with it so it’s “frozen” and the community wants it so the bond seems “broken” between developer and audience. I for one really appreciate that it was in there but understand the whole movie couldn’t be Tron, it triggered me the rest of the day and I started going to Tron fansites and looking into watching Uprising again, finding an old flash game. Maybe it’s a stretch but anyways thanks Disney for adding fuel to my fire that is Tron.

Next is how Sugar Rush is broken then Felix and Calhoun adopt. I really liked this, in fact this whole start was done really well. They went into Slaughter Race and pulled out all the stops because it’s like the opposite of the cutesy Sugar Rush but so satisfying to watch Vanellope drive a more realistic car. Now I really want a Slaughter Race game like how they made Fix It Felix Jr a real game. Then onto where they introduce Yesss and BuzzTube, they showed YouTube but decided to make a spinoff, yet kept eBay the same? Anyway it was cool how they started making videos and nonsense but once they said “We’ll just follow trends” I expected them to be close to the goal and fall short so they need something new and start a new idea by starting a new trend, making the lesson to “be original” which I would have loved (Though I see that a bit hypocritical) and although they did fall short of the goal...they didn’t follow that route? Ralph just went to the comments and magically they reached past the goal, making me think Yesss did something Shady and will be the villain but that wasn’t the case either. Speaking of the comments, that was a bit of a touching moment and you can see where it’s heading afterwards.

I couldn’t get past this review without mentioning the Disney mayhem, Oh My Disney place. It was amazing, I didn’t even feel that excited to see Star Wars references during the last Star Wars movie, they nailed it. And had so much I could go on to mention but I’ll just say the princesses were great and I purposely avoided those trailers so I could save it for the movie and next is I believe during the Baby Groot scene, in the background, you can see 2D animated characters but just the bottom halves, it looks like a bear and someone picking up trash or paper, really appreciate some 2D animation got some love, might see Mary Poppins just for that. DISNEY MAKE 2D ANIMATION I SUPPORT IT TO NO END. But the 3D animation in this is stunning, it looks soooo good at times, slaughter race specifically, you wouldn’t think a simple world like that would be so good but compare this to the last movie visual wise and it’s so good looking.

Overall I had a lot of fun but let’s talk about the end. So none of my theories ending up happening so where did this thing go? Well I saw leaks of people saying “I love you so much Ralph” so I was thinking Vanellope would die or something, that would’ve made me cry but somebody doesn’t have to die in every single movie. Ralph actually ended up being his own villain with a virus and I see how that fits in but the way it’s portrayed seems like it’s been done, a big Ralph made up of normal sized Ralphs, I do like how he used the mail cart, it reminded me of the KH3 train, and how they said there were 2 options, to take it to the antivirus or a therapy session, so they almost go to the virus but end up having a therapy sess, that was cool but King Candy in the first movie was a satisfying villain for me, this ending left me just kind of “eh” and with a few Fortnite references and stuff, I feel like this is just a trend movie, not all of this will hold up say 5 years from now, that was my main worry with them going to the Internet, it’s of the times. I saw some other reviews and there’s this video by SkywardWing that made me really appreciate the ending though, I like that it has affected people but maybe just not all of us the same as others. Also that “January 25th” thing Vanellope said...

Your Welcome

[grizzbe]

My Kingsman The Golden Circle Review

So, I got to see Kingsman The Golden Circle today! Below the cut will be my full review of the movie, but I can say that it is a clunky, disjointed, bloated, but ultimately fun movie. 

I have a lot more thoughts on the movie but it is literally impossible for me to write them out and not spoil anything. So, if you’ve seen it or you don’t mind it getting spoiled, proceed!

**Seriously, SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT**

Alright, folks, let’s get into it, shall we?

Like I said above the cut, the movie is a lot of things and I’ll try to address them all. First thing’s first, though, let’s get the deaths out of the way:

Roxy - We all knew this was coming, in our heart of hearts. She was just flat out missing from the advertising and the promotional campaign. We might have clung to a few straws, but I feel like most of us made our peace with this a while ago. The stupendously talented Sophie Cookson was busy with her Netflix series, Gypsy, when KTGS was filming and came onto the project pretty late in the game. But still, it hurts seeing a character with so much potential go out with barely two scenes. Roxy gets taken out at the end of the first act in Poppy’s attack on The Kingsman (which also wipes out all of the other agents, sans Eggsy). Who knows, though? With Harry’s resurrection paving the way in the series’s lore, maybe Cookson will be more available come Kingsman 3?

Merlin - This one suuuuucks, quite simply because it made no bloody sense. As The Gallahads and Merlin make their way to Poppy’s secret base, Eggsy fucks up and stands on a land mine. Merlin takes out a freezing spray which gives him just enough time to take Eggsy off the pressure plate and put himself on it. The problem here is that the movie goes to great pains to tell you that the mines can be turned off as if they were planning on The Gallahads finding the controls and getting Merlin out of his pickle, but Vaughn forgot about it and just decided to have Merlin blast himself. And even if they didn’t know about the killswitch, are you trying to tell me that the friggin Kingsman Quartermaster, badass at all sorts of weapons and gadgets, doesn’t know how to disarm a mine?? I feel like we’ve had people capable of doing that since we’ve had mines and all of a sudden, we have no idea. Get a large rock or something and Indiana Jones that shit, guys! I mean, we certainly don’t know the whole story, maybe Mark Strong (who gives an excellent performance, btw) felt like two movies were enough and he was ready to call it a day? I have another idea that I might touch on later if I remember.

Agent Whiskey (spelled with an ‘e’ like an uncultured American) - Agent Whiskey’s (Pascal) death fits into the ‘clunky’ part of my review. I feel like the purpose of him dying was to make room for Ginger Ale (Berry) to take his spot, but did we have to throw in the weird traitor, not really aspect? I suppose that was to help show that Harry was getting his wits back about him in the cabin, but the whole thing felt convoluted to me. I just feel like there was a much better way of clearing him from the table, but who knows?

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the music. I’m sitting here thinking of the music used in the first Kingsman, you had Freebird (which was possibly the best use of that song ever in a movie) and Money For Nothing but those were both used super well and the rest of the music just seeped into the background and supported what was happening. To be fair, there was plenty of music in KTGC that did just that, but the music selection for the set pieces felt, well, clunky. Instead of you sitting there going “Holy SHIT,” you’re sitting there thinking, “This was the best song they could think of?”

The movie leans heavily on the American, and especially Southern, aspect of the film with its music choice. You get country covers and an, admittedly, fantastic rendition of Country Roads from Mark Strong. It just feels odd that this would be a complaint of mine after the music in the trailers were so friggin good.

Onwards to the bloating and the disjointed bits! The film is literally bloated, clocking in at a beefy 2.5 hours compared to the original which ticked in just north of two hours. With that extra time, Vaughn introduces plenty of new characters and promptly doesn’t use half of them. Champ (Bridges) is only in the film briefly, mostly as a sounding board before the main characters fly off to their next errand and Tequila is in it even less than that.

I have a feeling that this is due to Vaughn just straight up not knowing what to do with anything more than two protagonists. Think about it for a second. In the first film, at the climax of the movie, when the world is on the line, what does Vaughn do? He gives Roxy a reason to not be at the fight (she’s needed to blow up the satellites) and he finds a reason for Merlin to stay on the plane (he’s needed on the computer). It works because it’s so well written that the watcher can only think, “Well duh, of course, these people need to be elsewhere during the final fight”. You also never really considered the fact that there were several other Kingsman agents that were just flat-out unaccounted for who could’ve been super useful in Valentine’s base, right? Like, they’re not even given a line to write them off, 

“Percival and the others are scattered around the world, there’s no time to wait for them,” said Merlin. “They’ll have to try and be useful in other ways”

Nope, none of that.

In KTGS, we get a scene of Roxy kicking ass at investigating the Golden Circle from basically nothing while helping Eggsy impress Tilde’s parents (don’t get me started on that), then she gets blown up (***or***, runs off and gets in a fortified bunker?? Eh, Vaughn?? Eh???). We see Tequila kick Merlin and Eggsy’s ass and then get waylaid by Poppy’s virus. We see Champ just look really cool (thank you for just oozing charisma, Jeff Bridges), Ginger Ale takes over Merlin’s spot, Harry is a bit loopy for a while so Whiskey has to take his place, and Merlin blows himself up for no reason. 

At no point are there more than two protagonists in a particular fight and even then, it gets super clunky at times. When the final fight splits Harry and Eggsy up, you go from a seamless, awesome firefight (aside from the use of Saturday’s Alright For Fighting) to this uneven “You go for Objective A while I go for Objective B”. Both of those fights on their own are really good but together, there is something left to be desired. Then we go back into a seamless, awesome (if somewhat unnecessary) fight against Agent Whiskey.

So, with Vaughn’s apparent (just watch, someone will point out a scene from The First Class or Kick-Ass that proves me wrong) discomfort with dealing with action scenes with more than two protagonists, you can see all of the deaths as him shifting and preparing the board for a possible Kingsman 3. 

With Merlin out of the picture and Ginger Ale the new Agent Whiskey, who better to settle down into the role than Harry, who’s getting older and now rocks 20/0 vision (I have no idea how eyesight rating works and it’s nearly 1 am, don’t @ me). You don’t have a Lancelot anymore, but you do have an Agent Tequila looking mighty dapper in that bespoke suit and bowler. You don’t have Professor Dumbledore I mean an Arthur anymore but you do have mother fuckin Champ (which is a trade I will take every day of the week and twice on Sundays). Vaughn has effectively consolidated the two groups (both practically and in the series’s fiction, with Champ merging the two entities) and left himself with fewer headaches to work with in the next movie.

After writing all of that, you could reasonably get the idea that I didn’t like the movie that much, which I don’t believe to be the case at all. While there are plenty of faults, I still found it to be really fun. It might not be as shiny and sleek as its predecessor, but it does a good enough job of being as entertaining. There were plenty of great jokes and cute moments (JB! New JB! New Mr. Pickles!) and the action truly was great, I just loved the first one so much and I know Vaughn is capable of putting out a better movie.

Oh, and a little idea for the sequel for my Roxy fans to cling to before K3 gets officially off the ground and our hopes get officially dashed: Roxy Morton is rescued from the rubble of the Kingsman mansion but brainwashed and used against Eggsy while he desperately tries to find a way to save her.

I have tons of other thoughts, but this is already ass-long (also: mind vomit) and it’s already past 1 am and I have to wake up for work in about five hours. If you have any thoughts that you’d like to share and/or talk about, feel free to message me!

[ineedahiddencorner]

4.1.20

I had a dream last night regarding Taco. I don't remember all of it - we were at my work, but there was also a weird duality because my alarms were starting to go off, so it also became me wanting to show him my code. (Last night I talked about it with Bandana, and never got to hear his response cause he was asleep - I guess my brain was trying to tie off that note. Bandana and I get to chat more anyway, so I don't feel away from her as often.)

In any case, back to the dream - I was sitting criss-cross-applesauce, wrapping something up on the floor at work before I had to go, and I was unnecessarily anxious. Taco was there sitting in a chair above me, so I took a minute to hold his hand that was partly hidden under a table. I felt better.

It's interesting, that's the first dream I've had about either of them, at least that I can remember. And it's funny the positioning - I frequently sit on the floor next to my mom as she's working as she "pets" me. That physical dynamic is very much one of comfort, so it makes sense why it was somewhat adopted in my dream.

I woke up praying. Clearly there's still a feeling there - one related-to-if-not-the-same-as the one mentioned in the poemish post ages ago - that are still to be addressed. I still stand by the conversations I've had with Bandana, that I don't wish to pursue a dating route with either of them. But it reminds me of the arrangement I'd made with Waits - that we agreed we were fundamentally friends, with feelings that were present more strongly at times. When making a similar arrangement with Bandana and Taco, the scale was different, and I didn't fully feel (or let myself feel) anything else. But now things are calmer. I'm more comfortable. So the rest of me is catching up and telling me things to be aware of.

But it's odd, it's really more like the dream about Bridge years ago. To this day if you asked if I had a crush on him, I'd say, "Probably, honestly" to make it easy. But that's not the case. I've had other crushes, and it's a different feeling. The dream I had about Bridge was similar - we were in my church in the choir section, and I laid my head on his shoulder and felt warmth and peace. I woke up and prayed. And told him, and he prayed. But it was never a matter of "I've got butterflies for you." I've had butterflies in other crushes, and embarrassingly so. The getting nervous and all. But this strain is different, and "crush" isn't the right word. "Feelings" comes closer, but that's still not quite it. I was there was a word.

Come to think of it, Taco feels much more in the Bridge vein than the Waits vein.

That doesn't help. I dated Waits. I understood those feelings. To this day I've never figured out what the frick was the deal with Bridge.

Can't we just have Waits feelings and be done with it? Or just deep friendship feelings and nothing else? Although when I think deep friendship, that's the best way to describe the Bridge feeling.. but it's so different from Dean. Though Dean was also just so easily adapted into physics.. that was just a given. Like Bandana. And how Bandana and I just suddenly were friends with no question. Another given.

Maybe I need to investigate this odd Bridge feeling (not that it's still present with Bridge, but for lack of a better term). Deep friendship works, but there's more color to it than that.. Eh. Another day.

I kept telling myself I'd get ready by 8, but wanted to read. I started on virus updates and social media, and then checked if there were any new writings. I didn't think there'd be. There weren't. I read the old ones. Then it was 9. Then I knew I should write these thoughts cause processing is a glorious thing. It's now 9:30.

I've been procrastinating on studying for my midterm tomorrow. That class is like a beast that I will have to face but am trying by all accounts not to. I'm not understanding it, so it scares me. Instead I finished my MechOps code with over a week to complete the rest. I revelled in understanding it so straightforwardly when A. It was hyped up to be the most code-intensive and difficult, and B. (The bad side) while my classmates are still confused. It was like a glowing reminder that I'm smart and can do things, and do them well and with extra flair! (I commented the frick out of my code and added humor to it, as it will have to be shown to the professors.) I held onto that so strongly... Now I have to face the monster my classmates all see as an annoying but manageable beast, but that I just couldn't get myself to face.

All this had a point. That A. There's an issue unrelated to anything else besides my personal path that needs addressing. And B. Even without Bandana and Taco present, I've now lost track of time while focused on them.

The conclusion: I need to gain better self control in the face of monsters. Yes, reflecting on matters and people I care about is important, but self control is something I've had difficulty with in the past and that I need to get a handle on. That's why I make rules, like with alcohol. As for Bandana and Taco, I don't want to make rules with them - this is separate. I just need better self control. Right there with social media/screen time overall, properly delegating work, etc.

My inner critic may be unhealthy at times, but I'm learning how to work alongside it constructively. Two quotes come to mind:

1. "You're not stuck. You're just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can't move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result." (Emily Maroutian)

2. "Get out of your own damn way."

These two quotes are very important to me. I've felt the need for a shift for awhile. I can feel it coming, and I love when they happen. I just need to make it happen.

It's 10 now. Time to put the phone away and get back to my new level of life.

And I must say.

I'm very grateful for the people helping me grow into it. Who deal with my messy processing and in-betweens. And, very much related, their apparent amount of endless patience. (I know it must be frustrating, hurtful, and annoying at times. I'm sorry for those effects. But I will say.. it's nice to just let loose and get to grow. Just again. Keep me updated on any salt.)

[mysticalreadingnerd]

Let Me Warm Your Heart Part 2

Part 1 | Part 2| Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 |

Word count: 2017

Summary: Credence misses a certain kind lady. But he meets an unexpected visitor instead. All is not what it seems and even though life tends to be rough at times, every cloud has a silver lining.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, violence and blood.

Disclaimer: GIF Credits to their owners. Also I don’t own the FBAWTFT universe. Queen JKR does.

Credence searched through the gathering crowd. His heart plummeted into the melancholic depths of disappointment as the lady with the kind smile failed to turn up at yet another NSPS meet. He reminisced how her face lit up with a smile, how unlike others she had apologised and with kindness radiating from every gesture, helped him gather the scattered flyers (even though it was probably his fault that they fell in the first place). It was far too rare for people to deem him worthy to bestow kindness upon. It was more often than not a case of shoved bodies, rough touches and muttered insults. Not pretty smiles and an overwhelming softness of the heart.

Credence couldn’t help but feel sadness clutching him in its cold grasp, he really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes high. After all, it was highly unlikely that she had the free time to attend all of the rallies. She had indeed said that she had work to rush off to the other day. A hopeful part of him wished that it was just that, a busy schedule which kept her from coming back. But then again, she might have completely forgotten him. Who would remember a lowly, wicked boy like him? And if at all she did remember him, it would be with disgust at his uselessness, disappointed with anything he did. The way Ma was.

Credence sneaked a glance at his adoptive mother as she went on about the malignant virus of witchcraft that was fast spreading amongst the unaware and naive naysayers. She urged the people to be proactive and join the cause, they had safety in numbers. It was the vigilant who could save themselves after all. He thought that if he repeated the propaganda enough times, he might even start believing it. It was not that Credence disbelieved that people like witches and magic existed. He knew that his biological mother was wicked, that her blood was tainted, the same blood that ran through his veins. He had heard about it numerous times over the span of his childhood, receiving divine punishment at the hands of his Ma in a bid to loosen Satan’s hold over him. Such instances though, had become rarer as the years passed. The punishments hadn’t stopped, just the reasons had changed.

His hand felt a ghostly sting and Credence flinched, remembering the latest disciplining. His barely healed hands clutched the flyers tightly as the memory of a few weeks back washed his subconscious. Ma had been so angry with him when she had seen him idling around the back instead of handing out more flyers like he was supposed to. He had just found the crowd oppressive and decided to get a few breaths of clean air, a brief respite from the heat. That was when she had stumbled across his feet, not hard enough to cause him discomfort, but enough to make her presence known. He had expected harsh words, an angry shove or complete unapologetic indifference even. Because that was how he was used to being treated. Instead like an angel shining her heavenly aura on lesser mortals, she had come to his aid. Being the worthless being that he was, he’d somehow managed to become a stuttering dimwit, rendered dumb by her kindness and beauty. This was an exchange that hadn’t escaped the watchful eyes of his mother, though thankfully she hadn’t seen who it was that he was speaking to.

No amount of pleading would dissuade her from meting out what he rightfully deserved. It was just a matter of time and it came when they reached the rundown excuse of a church that they called their house. The moment the door to the living room closed, he silently slid off the belt from its place, grasping the buckle in the hope that the ordeal would end faster if he willed it to. Just thinking of the belting had his hands smarting in remembrance of the vicious hits. Ma had been especially angry that day.

“Hello there, young man. Won’t you give me one of those flyers?” An elderly woman broke Credence out of his reverie, a wrinkled hand outstretched towards him seeking a purple handout. Her eyes crinkled as she gave him a benevolent smile. She looked of Asian heritage, probably Japanese judging from the pastel kimono that draped her delicate frame; with her soft demeanour and quite mannerisms, she faintly reminded Credence of summers spent lying in the warmth of his birth mother’s lap, but it was a fleeting thing, this barely remembered memory.

Though he had been expecting quite a different interruption, even this was welcome. After all, it was not everyday that people treated him with such gentleness. As if reading his mind, the old woman queried, “Were you perhaps expecting someone else?” Pink dusted his cheeks as Credence replied in embarrassment, “N-no!” It came out louder than he had intended. Glancing at his mother to make sure that her attention was focused elsewhere, he quietly mumbled, “ I meant…no. That is not the…case.” His speech was marked by ponderous pauses, as if mulling over what would be appropriate enough to voice out loud.

The old woman merely nodded in understanding, though what she comprehended from his mumbles and pauses, Credence could only wonder. They stood in comfortable silence for a while before the woman spoke again, “What is your name child?” He jerked as if virtually slapped and something skittered in the woman’s eyes but it was gone before he could really observe. “C-credence.” He spoke so softly that it was a wonder that the woman had heard anything at all. But her serene smile indicated that she indeed had heard him. “You have a beautiful name”, she complemented him, making him blush again. As the rally broke up with the end address from his mother, the elderly lady stared up in the sky as if thinking about something before saying, “I better get going now. Hope you have a good day son!” her eyes twinkled and Credence couldn’t help but be gripped by a weird sense of deja vu,feeling as if he had met the woman somewhere before.

                                          Y/N laid down her quill with a sense of satisfaction as the last report was written, bringing her paperwork to completion. Standing up, she stretched her muscles before waving her wand to summon her coat. Capping off another day at work, she stumbled out of the inconspicuous gates of MACUSA, weary and bone tired but happy at the pace of things. She started walking at a leisurely pace, setting off towards her apartment idly wondering about what she should have for dinner. Today felt like a sushi day.                

Tasked with scouting for a new place to conduct the next meeting, Credence walked the bustling streets of New York City. He had been walking for well over an hour and twilight had set in by the time he truly found anything of use. Before his eyes lay a dusty playground, more derelict than green. It was not exactly spic and span but with some cleaning, it would do. Credence looked at the playground which was sandwiched between a confectionery and a chic boutique selling trendy flapper dresses which seemed all the rage these days. Yes, this would do. He was just about to venture a bit further inside to give a last cursory glance to the venue when he stumbled across an empty glass bottle.

Landing hard on the dusty pavement with his hands outstretched to break the fall, a hiss escaped Credence. The fall tore anew his barely healed palms. Cradling them close to himself, he took a closer look at the demon that had devised his fall. Was that a beer bottle that he spied? “Oi, who goes there?” A gruff voice enquired from the depths of the dimly lit playground. Fear grabbed Credence as he stared at the questioner. Three men, drunkards by the look of them, appeared from the murky shadows. A pudgy faced man, with a pronounced limp approached him followed by a stockily built man and a towering youth with a face attacked by the most vicious case of acne Credence had ever seen.

“Looky what we ‘ave ‘ere eh? A pup, wet behind ‘em ears!” The towering youth chuckled nastily, showcasing yellowing teeth much to the amusement and hollering of the other two. He had a surprisingly gravelly rasp. Probably a result of excessive smoking judging by the cigarette clutched in his blackened fingers. “Ya think ya can just come here an’ bust upon us, pup?” The stocky man’s words would have been intimidating had they not been uttered in the squeakiest voice ever heard. All this would have been an excellent backdrop for a comedy show and Credence might have even found it funny had he not been in the midst of it. “Answer da question. What ya doing ‘ere, punk!” pudgy face bent down for emphasis , getting too close for comfort, spittle spraying everywhere and his body reeking of alcohol, rancid sweat and something more unpleasant best not named.

Credence could barely manage a frightened whimper as hot tears ran down his cheeks. It was one thing to be belted by Ma for his actions. He deserved that, after all, it was meant for his own good, wasn’t it? But what had he done to deserve this? He cowered as pudge face yanked him by the collar of his shirt, drunken vigour easily lending him the strength to haul the frail boy up. “The cowardly brat’s snivellin’ like a damned 2 year old, if I ever seen one. What ya boys say we beat some sense inta him?” Credence felt a tightness blossom in his ribs, pressing down on his chest making it difficult to breath. His sight became hazy and all he could think of was the world of pain, broken bones and smashed teeth that was awaiting him. He saw the raised fist and closed his eyes, as the tightness in his ribs grew, threatening to burst him at the seams. Any moment now, he would be beaten into pulp.

Suddenly, the air rang out with a shrill alarm, a siren similar to those of police vans. “Shit! Why’s the police here?” the squeaky voiced man called out and Credence snapped his eyes open. Pudgy face shoved him away as the three bustled out of the playground, scampering ahead of one another, beer bottles scattered in their wake. Shaking violently at the near beating, Credence curled up into a ball and couldn’t help but continue crying as the siren grew louder and his mind went into overdrive. The police would find him and take him in for questioning. There were empty beer bottles here, he had obviously been up to no good, they would think. Wait, if the police took him up for questioning, his Ma would know. Dread latched onto him, pooling into an acidic swirl at the pit of his stomach. Oh what would she say? The mere idea of her wrath sent him on the edge of a panic attack.

Credence barely noticed when the siren stopped, for the ringing in his ears only continued to grow louder with every passing second. He was going to be arrested!! Someone was calling out to him, asking him if he was okay, but the world was a cacophony of white noise. They crouched beside him and attempted to pull his body upright. Resisting the movement, he flailed on the ground muttering incoherently throughout. Suddenly, his face was grabbed by a gentle touch and Credence found himself staring in the most mesmerising pair of (Y/E/C) eyes he had ever seen. “It’s okay love, they are gone. You are safe now. Nothing will harm you…I won’t let anything harm you!” His body gave a violent shudder. Letting out a choked sob, he fell into the soft embrace of the kind woman for whom he had been waiting for so long at the rallies. His angel had finally come to his rescue.

A/N: Ahh the time for the fated meeting has finally arrived! Writing this chapter through Credence’s P.O.V. was super fun as well as a bit anxiety inducing. I was constantly worried whether I was portraying him correctly.Just some trivia, the first sushi shop in the U.S. reportedly opened in 1906 in the Little Tokyo neighbourhood of LA apparently. I actually went and researched this on the net and Wikipedia threw this up on “the history of sushi”. Well, now that my nerd curiosity and obsessive authenticity mania has been satiated; addressing another twist- a mysterious old woman (Oba-san, if we are getting technical here) has appeared!! I wonder who she could be? 😉 Please excuse any typos that may have crept in. Thank you dear readers for the overwhelming love that you are showering on this story! Stay tuned for the next chapter and let me know how you all found this! ~mystical reading nerd

[stephenmccull]

When Green Means Stop: How Safety Messages Got So Muddled

When Marquita Burnett heard Philadelphia was moving to the “green” phase of reopening, she was confused. She was pretty sure the city had already earned a green designation from Pennsylvania’s governor (it had). The next thing she knew, the city was scaling back some of the businesses it had planned to reopen (namely, indoor dining and gyms). But it was still calling this phase “restricted green.”

“I feel like it’s been back and forth — the mayor says one thing, the governor says another. So who do you really listen to?” asked Burnett, a 32-year-old teacher’s assistant.

Looking for something to do with her 6-year-old son at the end of June, she saw the mayor announce that libraries could open in the new, modified green phase. But people who worked at the library were posting on Twitter that they were not open.

“The lines are very blurred,” said Burnett. “Are we completely in the green, or not?”

When the coronavirus shutdown was ordered in March, the message was straightforward and simple: Stay at home; don’t leave the house except to perform essential work or shop at essential businesses. However hard those restrictions were to stomach, they were clear.

Skip ahead four months. As businesses started to reopen, mixed messages on every level of government have made what’s permissible and safe feel like a matter of interpretation.

Absent any overarching or consistent national messaging, elected officials are left to come up with localized rules, which at times contradict one another, presenting a false choice between personal freedoms and protecting one’s health. That forces individuals to make decisions about their actions that carry heavy moral weight.

Color-Coded Confusion

Pennsylvania’s phased reopening, coded according to the colors of a traffic light, factors in two indicators: the amount of virus circulating in the community, and the degree to which the economy is open.

“In the beginning, we had a plan where there was pretty tight linkage between level of viral transmission and reopening activities,” said Dr. Susan Coffin, a pediatric infectious disease specialist working on Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia’s response to the pandemic. Over time, she said, though the color-coding system remained a good indicator for which businesses were opening up, it stopped reflecting the viral risk as closely as the number of new cases ebbed and flowed. And that, she said, has resulted in confusion.

Philadelphia in late July is officially in “modified, restricted green,” and gyms have been allowed to reopen. Indoor dining remains off-limits.

“Now, we are seeing what might sound like a contradictory message: Yes, we are reopening, but, no, we don’t want you to stop behaving as though there is virus in our community.”

In neighboring New Jersey, by contrast, the phased reopening is incremental. There is no overall color-coding; instead, each phase offers a broad sense of what will change, and, industry-by-industry, individual restrictions are loosened one at a time.

For his part, Philadelphia Health Commissioner Thomas Farley said he wished people could have ignored Pennsylvania’s color-coding altogether.

“The governor came up with this high-level plan with these three different colors, but clearly Philadelphia is unique,” Farley told reporters at a June 30 press conference at which he announced the city would pause before entering the full green phase. “So we’re calling it green, but I would rather have people focus less on the color and more on what activities are allowed and not allowed.”

Part of the issue is that the science is evolving and information about the novel coronavirus changes rapidly. Masks, for example, were initially explicitly discouraged because of short supply. Once they became more available, and research emerged supporting their use, masks were back in full force.

Though health departments do their best to keep up with the research as it emerges — and to explain why their recommendations change, when they do — it can be hard to keep track of. And it doesn’t help when politicians contradict the science-backed recommendations.

“We can’t be out there as the secretary of health telling you to wear a mask and your local elected official is telling you, ‘Don’t wear a mask. You’ll be fine,’” said April Hutcheson, communications director for the Pennsylvania Department of Health. “It makes the job more challenging.”

But there is some messaging health departments can control. Pennsylvania laid out what many interpreted as specific metrics for testing capacity, contact tracing, nursing home outbreaks and the number of new cases that counties would have to hit to move to less restrictive phases by a certain date. Many counties in the southeastern part of the state didn’t meet those benchmarks but transitioned anyway. The governor later said the metrics were not hard marks but would be considered in concert with other factors to determine overall risk.

Setting aside whether Pennsylvania’s transition from red to yellow led to an increase in coronavirus cases, the mixed messaging was likely to contribute to distrust in government, said Ellen Peters, who runs the Center for Science Communication Research at the University of Oregon.

“It gives people inconsistent information, so you’re being told, ‘Eh, that didn’t happen, but we’re going to go ahead and do it anyway,’” said Peters, whose Oregon county similarly failed to meet its benchmarks but moved into a new phase anyway. “And so people are left with, ‘Well, the guidelines don’t matter then. If they don’t matter, what else can I not trust that this city or state entity is telling me?’”

Research has shown that when people are stuck at an impasse, they are more likely to just opt for doing what they want to do in the first place.

How Safe Is Safe?

The health departments at the city and state level point to their regular news briefings, where they advise not just which activities are safe, but also how to do them safely. Asking people to constantly evaluate what they consider safe is a tall order.

“What does it mean to be careful right now? I don’t think that’s actually a meaningful instruction,” said Tess Wilkinson-Ryan, a professor of law and psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

“The level of care we are asking of individuals is really high — we would never ask this in normal life.”

At the start of the pandemic, what it meant to be safe was easier to grasp, said Wilkinson-Ryan. Memes like “flattening the curve” gave people new language they needed to understand the broader reasoning behind shutting down the economy. They felt like they were doing something by doing nothing — it created a norm. In the partial reopening, that norm is gone, but it is not clear what replaces it as people make decisions about how to keep themselves and others safe.

Wilkinson-Ryan confronted her own dilemma on safety. About six weeks into strict lockdown in Philadelphia, her husband was out walking the dog when the leash got tangled around his ankle, and he fell back and hit his head. He told her what had happened and she asked him who the president was, half-joking, to test for signs of a concussion. “He said, deadpan, ‘George Bush.’ And he wasn’t joking.”

Wilkinson-Ryan spent the next few hours trying to determine how severe her husband’s concussion might be, and if it was bad, whether they should go to an emergency room that might be overwhelmed with contagious coronavirus patients.

Luckily, she was able to reach a pediatrician friend who advised her to take him to the hospital, where he was triaged into a non-COVID wing. He’s now doing fine.

Wilkinson-Ryan is grateful she had a friend with expertise to call upon, but she longed for a set of clear-cut rules to guide her in that stressful moment.

Making Their Own Decisions

Without those clear rules, Wilkinson-Ryan, Marquita Burnett and others have been left to make their own decisions based on a combination of the emerging science around the virus, whom they trust and what’s most important to them.

Burnett, for instance, had been taking her son to get his hair cut on his barber’s front porch. The barber always wore a mask and took the virus seriously, so when the barbershop reopened, she felt comfortable taking her son there.

But she’s not comfortable with any of her typical summer activities, like going to the zoo, amusement parks or outdoor restaurants. If she can’t predict the way a crowd of strangers will act, she’s not taking the risk.

Despite her sound reasoning, it’s easy to imagine someone else, confronted with the same choices, making the exact opposite decisions: skipping the barbershop because it’s indoors; hitting the zoo because it’s outside.

“It’s sort of like asking everyone to decide their own speed limit based on, like, the make and model of their car,” said Wilkinson-Ryan. “‘Think about who you’re gonna drive with. Think about the importance of your destination. Good luck!’”

Because one person’s idea of ‘careful’ in a pandemic is different from another’s, she said, the most helpful instructions are those that are clear and specific: maximum capacities in public spaces; marks on the ground to denote 6 feet of distance; specific instructions for people on how often they should go to the grocery store.

Otherwise, people are likely to come to different conclusions based on the same information, which in turn, leads to public shaming. And that has its own risks.

“When someone gets angry, they shut down to new information. They react and simply do what they want to do,” said Peters of the University of Oregon. “I could see where you could get much worse health behaviors from shaming other people.”

She cited pictures of people on beaches as a flashpoint, where some felt justified shaming others. The perspective of some photos, though, may have made beaches look more crowded than they were. “Maybe in reality, people are pretty far apart and they’re outdoors,” she said.

Wilkinson-Ryan said the shaming is a natural result of a lack of clear norms in a new and changing environment. Overburdened with decisions, it’s also a cognitive shortcut.

“It’s easy and salient to think about what people in my neighborhood are doing wrong,” said Wilkinson-Ryan. “They’re sitting at the park, they’re playing, they’re touching each other. That’s an availability bias: It comes easily to mind because it’s part of my everyday life. You tend to place blame on the causes that come to mind quickly and easily.”

She sees people blaming neighbors who make different decisions rather than holding state legislatures and Congress accountable.

In other countries, coordinated federal responses skirted this issue to some degree. National messaging meant there was no need to deputize hundreds of local health officials to project hyperlocal and often conflicting messages.

“It really is kind of ridiculous, that idea of asking all of these people to come up with their own experts and their own way of guiding behavior in the states or cities, rather than having the experts in the country come together and decide what is the best guidance for all of us and having the politicians stick with that,” said Peters.

To streamline her own decision-making, Peters said she adopted a “What Would Anthony Fauci Do?” approach. But when everyone is guided by a different North Star, people are bound to crash into one another.

This story is part of a partnership that includes WHYY, NPR and Kaiser Health News.

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

When Green Means Stop: How Safety Messages Got So Muddled published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[gordonwilliamsweb]

When Green Means Stop: How Safety Messages Got So Muddled

When Marquita Burnett heard Philadelphia was moving to the “green” phase of reopening, she was confused. She was pretty sure the city had already earned a green designation from Pennsylvania’s governor (it had). The next thing she knew, the city was scaling back some of the businesses it had planned to reopen (namely, indoor dining and gyms). But it was still calling this phase “restricted green.”

“I feel like it’s been back and forth — the mayor says one thing, the governor says another. So who do you really listen to?” asked Burnett, a 32-year-old teacher’s assistant.

Looking for something to do with her 6-year-old son at the end of June, she saw the mayor announce that libraries could open in the new, modified green phase. But people who worked at the library were posting on Twitter that they were not open.

“The lines are very blurred,” said Burnett. “Are we completely in the green, or not?”

When the coronavirus shutdown was ordered in March, the message was straightforward and simple: Stay at home; don’t leave the house except to perform essential work or shop at essential businesses. However hard those restrictions were to stomach, they were clear.

Skip ahead four months. As businesses started to reopen, mixed messages on every level of government have made what’s permissible and safe feel like a matter of interpretation.

Absent any overarching or consistent national messaging, elected officials are left to come up with localized rules, which at times contradict one another, presenting a false choice between personal freedoms and protecting one’s health. That forces individuals to make decisions about their actions that carry heavy moral weight.

Color-Coded Confusion

Pennsylvania’s phased reopening, coded according to the colors of a traffic light, factors in two indicators: the amount of virus circulating in the community, and the degree to which the economy is open.

“In the beginning, we had a plan where there was pretty tight linkage between level of viral transmission and reopening activities,” said Dr. Susan Coffin, a pediatric infectious disease specialist working on Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia’s response to the pandemic. Over time, she said, though the color-coding system remained a good indicator for which businesses were opening up, it stopped reflecting the viral risk as closely as the number of new cases ebbed and flowed. And that, she said, has resulted in confusion.

Philadelphia in late July is officially in “modified, restricted green,” and gyms have been allowed to reopen. Indoor dining remains off-limits.

“Now, we are seeing what might sound like a contradictory message: Yes, we are reopening, but, no, we don’t want you to stop behaving as though there is virus in our community.”

In neighboring New Jersey, by contrast, the phased reopening is incremental. There is no overall color-coding; instead, each phase offers a broad sense of what will change, and, industry-by-industry, individual restrictions are loosened one at a time.

For his part, Philadelphia Health Commissioner Thomas Farley said he wished people could have ignored Pennsylvania’s color-coding altogether.

“The governor came up with this high-level plan with these three different colors, but clearly Philadelphia is unique,” Farley told reporters at a June 30 press conference at which he announced the city would pause before entering the full green phase. “So we’re calling it green, but I would rather have people focus less on the color and more on what activities are allowed and not allowed.”

Part of the issue is that the science is evolving and information about the novel coronavirus changes rapidly. Masks, for example, were initially explicitly discouraged because of short supply. Once they became more available, and research emerged supporting their use, masks were back in full force.

Though health departments do their best to keep up with the research as it emerges — and to explain why their recommendations change, when they do — it can be hard to keep track of. And it doesn’t help when politicians contradict the science-backed recommendations.

“We can’t be out there as the secretary of health telling you to wear a mask and your local elected official is telling you, ‘Don’t wear a mask. You’ll be fine,’” said April Hutcheson, communications director for the Pennsylvania Department of Health. “It makes the job more challenging.”

But there is some messaging health departments can control. Pennsylvania laid out what many interpreted as specific metrics for testing capacity, contact tracing, nursing home outbreaks and the number of new cases that counties would have to hit to move to less restrictive phases by a certain date. Many counties in the southeastern part of the state didn’t meet those benchmarks but transitioned anyway. The governor later said the metrics were not hard marks but would be considered in concert with other factors to determine overall risk.

Setting aside whether Pennsylvania’s transition from red to yellow led to an increase in coronavirus cases, the mixed messaging was likely to contribute to distrust in government, said Ellen Peters, who runs the Center for Science Communication Research at the University of Oregon.

“It gives people inconsistent information, so you’re being told, ‘Eh, that didn’t happen, but we’re going to go ahead and do it anyway,’” said Peters, whose Oregon county similarly failed to meet its benchmarks but moved into a new phase anyway. “And so people are left with, ‘Well, the guidelines don’t matter then. If they don’t matter, what else can I not trust that this city or state entity is telling me?’”

Research has shown that when people are stuck at an impasse, they are more likely to just opt for doing what they want to do in the first place.

How Safe Is Safe?

The health departments at the city and state level point to their regular news briefings, where they advise not just which activities are safe, but also how to do them safely. Asking people to constantly evaluate what they consider safe is a tall order.

“What does it mean to be careful right now? I don’t think that’s actually a meaningful instruction,” said Tess Wilkinson-Ryan, a professor of law and psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

“The level of care we are asking of individuals is really high — we would never ask this in normal life.”

At the start of the pandemic, what it meant to be safe was easier to grasp, said Wilkinson-Ryan. Memes like “flattening the curve” gave people new language they needed to understand the broader reasoning behind shutting down the economy. They felt like they were doing something by doing nothing — it created a norm. In the partial reopening, that norm is gone, but it is not clear what replaces it as people make decisions about how to keep themselves and others safe.

Wilkinson-Ryan confronted her own dilemma on safety. About six weeks into strict lockdown in Philadelphia, her husband was out walking the dog when the leash got tangled around his ankle, and he fell back and hit his head. He told her what had happened and she asked him who the president was, half-joking, to test for signs of a concussion. “He said, deadpan, ‘George Bush.’ And he wasn’t joking.”

Wilkinson-Ryan spent the next few hours trying to determine how severe her husband’s concussion might be, and if it was bad, whether they should go to an emergency room that might be overwhelmed with contagious coronavirus patients.

Luckily, she was able to reach a pediatrician friend who advised her to take him to the hospital, where he was triaged into a non-COVID wing. He’s now doing fine.

Wilkinson-Ryan is grateful she had a friend with expertise to call upon, but she longed for a set of clear-cut rules to guide her in that stressful moment.

Making Their Own Decisions

Without those clear rules, Wilkinson-Ryan, Marquita Burnett and others have been left to make their own decisions based on a combination of the emerging science around the virus, whom they trust and what’s most important to them.

Burnett, for instance, had been taking her son to get his hair cut on his barber’s front porch. The barber always wore a mask and took the virus seriously, so when the barbershop reopened, she felt comfortable taking her son there.

But she’s not comfortable with any of her typical summer activities, like going to the zoo, amusement parks or outdoor restaurants. If she can’t predict the way a crowd of strangers will act, she’s not taking the risk.

Despite her sound reasoning, it’s easy to imagine someone else, confronted with the same choices, making the exact opposite decisions: skipping the barbershop because it’s indoors; hitting the zoo because it’s outside.

“It’s sort of like asking everyone to decide their own speed limit based on, like, the make and model of their car,” said Wilkinson-Ryan. “‘Think about who you’re gonna drive with. Think about the importance of your destination. Good luck!’”

Because one person’s idea of ‘careful’ in a pandemic is different from another’s, she said, the most helpful instructions are those that are clear and specific: maximum capacities in public spaces; marks on the ground to denote 6 feet of distance; specific instructions for people on how often they should go to the grocery store.

Otherwise, people are likely to come to different conclusions based on the same information, which in turn, leads to public shaming. And that has its own risks.

“When someone gets angry, they shut down to new information. They react and simply do what they want to do,” said Peters of the University of Oregon. “I could see where you could get much worse health behaviors from shaming other people.”

She cited pictures of people on beaches as a flashpoint, where some felt justified shaming others. The perspective of some photos, though, may have made beaches look more crowded than they were. “Maybe in reality, people are pretty far apart and they’re outdoors,” she said.

Wilkinson-Ryan said the shaming is a natural result of a lack of clear norms in a new and changing environment. Overburdened with decisions, it’s also a cognitive shortcut.

“It’s easy and salient to think about what people in my neighborhood are doing wrong,” said Wilkinson-Ryan. “They’re sitting at the park, they’re playing, they’re touching each other. That’s an availability bias: It comes easily to mind because it’s part of my everyday life. You tend to place blame on the causes that come to mind quickly and easily.”

She sees people blaming neighbors who make different decisions rather than holding state legislatures and Congress accountable.

In other countries, coordinated federal responses skirted this issue to some degree. National messaging meant there was no need to deputize hundreds of local health officials to project hyperlocal and often conflicting messages.

“It really is kind of ridiculous, that idea of asking all of these people to come up with their own experts and their own way of guiding behavior in the states or cities, rather than having the experts in the country come together and decide what is the best guidance for all of us and having the politicians stick with that,” said Peters.

To streamline her own decision-making, Peters said she adopted a “What Would Anthony Fauci Do?” approach. But when everyone is guided by a different North Star, people are bound to crash into one another.

This story is part of a partnership that includes WHYY, NPR and Kaiser Health News.

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

When Green Means Stop: How Safety Messages Got So Muddled published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[dinafbrownil]

When Green Means Stop: How Safety Messages Got So Muddled

When Marquita Burnett heard Philadelphia was moving to the “green” phase of reopening, she was confused. She was pretty sure the city had already earned a green designation from Pennsylvania’s governor (it had). The next thing she knew, the city was scaling back some of the businesses it had planned to reopen (namely, indoor dining and gyms). But it was still calling this phase “restricted green.”

“I feel like it’s been back and forth — the mayor says one thing, the governor says another. So who do you really listen to?” asked Burnett, a 32-year-old teacher’s assistant.

Looking for something to do with her 6-year-old son at the end of June, she saw the mayor announce that libraries could open in the new, modified green phase. But people who worked at the library were posting on Twitter that they were not open.

“The lines are very blurred,” said Burnett. “Are we completely in the green, or not?”

When the coronavirus shutdown was ordered in March, the message was straightforward and simple: Stay at home; don’t leave the house except to perform essential work or shop at essential businesses. However hard those restrictions were to stomach, they were clear.

Skip ahead four months. As businesses started to reopen, mixed messages on every level of government have made what’s permissible and safe feel like a matter of interpretation.

Absent any overarching or consistent national messaging, elected officials are left to come up with localized rules, which at times contradict one another, presenting a false choice between personal freedoms and protecting one’s health. That forces individuals to make decisions about their actions that carry heavy moral weight.

Color-Coded Confusion

Pennsylvania’s phased reopening, coded according to the colors of a traffic light, factors in two indicators: the amount of virus circulating in the community, and the degree to which the economy is open.

“In the beginning, we had a plan where there was pretty tight linkage between level of viral transmission and reopening activities,” said Dr. Susan Coffin, a pediatric infectious disease specialist working on Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia’s response to the pandemic. Over time, she said, though the color-coding system remained a good indicator for which businesses were opening up, it stopped reflecting the viral risk as closely as the number of new cases ebbed and flowed. And that, she said, has resulted in confusion.

Philadelphia in late July is officially in “modified, restricted green,” and gyms have been allowed to reopen. Indoor dining remains off-limits.

“Now, we are seeing what might sound like a contradictory message: Yes, we are reopening, but, no, we don’t want you to stop behaving as though there is virus in our community.”

In neighboring New Jersey, by contrast, the phased reopening is incremental. There is no overall color-coding; instead, each phase offers a broad sense of what will change, and, industry-by-industry, individual restrictions are loosened one at a time.

For his part, Philadelphia Health Commissioner Thomas Farley said he wished people could have ignored Pennsylvania’s color-coding altogether.

“The governor came up with this high-level plan with these three different colors, but clearly Philadelphia is unique,” Farley told reporters at a June 30 press conference at which he announced the city would pause before entering the full green phase. “So we’re calling it green, but I would rather have people focus less on the color and more on what activities are allowed and not allowed.”

Part of the issue is that the science is evolving and information about the novel coronavirus changes rapidly. Masks, for example, were initially explicitly discouraged because of short supply. Once they became more available, and research emerged supporting their use, masks were back in full force.

Though health departments do their best to keep up with the research as it emerges — and to explain why their recommendations change, when they do — it can be hard to keep track of. And it doesn’t help when politicians contradict the science-backed recommendations.

“We can’t be out there as the secretary of health telling you to wear a mask and your local elected official is telling you, ‘Don’t wear a mask. You’ll be fine,’” said April Hutcheson, communications director for the Pennsylvania Department of Health. “It makes the job more challenging.”

But there is some messaging health departments can control. Pennsylvania laid out what many interpreted as specific metrics for testing capacity, contact tracing, nursing home outbreaks and the number of new cases that counties would have to hit to move to less restrictive phases by a certain date. Many counties in the southeastern part of the state didn’t meet those benchmarks but transitioned anyway. The governor later said the metrics were not hard marks but would be considered in concert with other factors to determine overall risk.

Setting aside whether Pennsylvania’s transition from red to yellow led to an increase in coronavirus cases, the mixed messaging was likely to contribute to distrust in government, said Ellen Peters, who runs the Center for Science Communication Research at the University of Oregon.

“It gives people inconsistent information, so you’re being told, ‘Eh, that didn’t happen, but we’re going to go ahead and do it anyway,’” said Peters, whose Oregon county similarly failed to meet its benchmarks but moved into a new phase anyway. “And so people are left with, ‘Well, the guidelines don’t matter then. If they don’t matter, what else can I not trust that this city or state entity is telling me?’”

Research has shown that when people are stuck at an impasse, they are more likely to just opt for doing what they want to do in the first place.

How Safe Is Safe?

The health departments at the city and state level point to their regular news briefings, where they advise not just which activities are safe, but also how to do them safely. Asking people to constantly evaluate what they consider safe is a tall order.

“What does it mean to be careful right now? I don’t think that’s actually a meaningful instruction,” said Tess Wilkinson-Ryan, a professor of law and psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

“The level of care we are asking of individuals is really high — we would never ask this in normal life.”

At the start of the pandemic, what it meant to be safe was easier to grasp, said Wilkinson-Ryan. Memes like “flattening the curve” gave people new language they needed to understand the broader reasoning behind shutting down the economy. They felt like they were doing something by doing nothing — it created a norm. In the partial reopening, that norm is gone, but it is not clear what replaces it as people make decisions about how to keep themselves and others safe.

Wilkinson-Ryan confronted her own dilemma on safety. About six weeks into strict lockdown in Philadelphia, her husband was out walking the dog when the leash got tangled around his ankle, and he fell back and hit his head. He told her what had happened and she asked him who the president was, half-joking, to test for signs of a concussion. “He said, deadpan, ‘George Bush.’ And he wasn’t joking.”

Wilkinson-Ryan spent the next few hours trying to determine how severe her husband’s concussion might be, and if it was bad, whether they should go to an emergency room that might be overwhelmed with contagious coronavirus patients.

Luckily, she was able to reach a pediatrician friend who advised her to take him to the hospital, where he was triaged into a non-COVID wing. He’s now doing fine.

Wilkinson-Ryan is grateful she had a friend with expertise to call upon, but she longed for a set of clear-cut rules to guide her in that stressful moment.

Making Their Own Decisions

Without those clear rules, Wilkinson-Ryan, Marquita Burnett and others have been left to make their own decisions based on a combination of the emerging science around the virus, whom they trust and what’s most important to them.

Burnett, for instance, had been taking her son to get his hair cut on his barber’s front porch. The barber always wore a mask and took the virus seriously, so when the barbershop reopened, she felt comfortable taking her son there.

But she’s not comfortable with any of her typical summer activities, like going to the zoo, amusement parks or outdoor restaurants. If she can’t predict the way a crowd of strangers will act, she’s not taking the risk.

Despite her sound reasoning, it’s easy to imagine someone else, confronted with the same choices, making the exact opposite decisions: skipping the barbershop because it’s indoors; hitting the zoo because it’s outside.

“It’s sort of like asking everyone to decide their own speed limit based on, like, the make and model of their car,” said Wilkinson-Ryan. “‘Think about who you’re gonna drive with. Think about the importance of your destination. Good luck!’”

Because one person’s idea of ‘careful’ in a pandemic is different from another’s, she said, the most helpful instructions are those that are clear and specific: maximum capacities in public spaces; marks on the ground to denote 6 feet of distance; specific instructions for people on how often they should go to the grocery store.

Otherwise, people are likely to come to different conclusions based on the same information, which in turn, leads to public shaming. And that has its own risks.

“When someone gets angry, they shut down to new information. They react and simply do what they want to do,” said Peters of the University of Oregon. “I could see where you could get much worse health behaviors from shaming other people.”

She cited pictures of people on beaches as a flashpoint, where some felt justified shaming others. The perspective of some photos, though, may have made beaches look more crowded than they were. “Maybe in reality, people are pretty far apart and they’re outdoors,” she said.

Wilkinson-Ryan said the shaming is a natural result of a lack of clear norms in a new and changing environment. Overburdened with decisions, it’s also a cognitive shortcut.

“It’s easy and salient to think about what people in my neighborhood are doing wrong,” said Wilkinson-Ryan. “They’re sitting at the park, they’re playing, they’re touching each other. That’s an availability bias: It comes easily to mind because it’s part of my everyday life. You tend to place blame on the causes that come to mind quickly and easily.”

She sees people blaming neighbors who make different decisions rather than holding state legislatures and Congress accountable.

In other countries, coordinated federal responses skirted this issue to some degree. National messaging meant there was no need to deputize hundreds of local health officials to project hyperlocal and often conflicting messages.

“It really is kind of ridiculous, that idea of asking all of these people to come up with their own experts and their own way of guiding behavior in the states or cities, rather than having the experts in the country come together and decide what is the best guidance for all of us and having the politicians stick with that,” said Peters.

To streamline her own decision-making, Peters said she adopted a “What Would Anthony Fauci Do?” approach. But when everyone is guided by a different North Star, people are bound to crash into one another.

This story is part of a partnership that includes WHYY, NPR and Kaiser Health News.

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/when-green-means-stop-how-safety-messages-got-so-muddled/

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Subject Fail

by Wardog

Tuesday, 02 February 2010

Wardog is utterly horrified by the Subject Zero in Mass Effect II~

In case all the squeeing in the playpen hasn’t made it clear, I’m currently playing Mass Effect II – one of my favourite RPGs of all time, not least of all because it has

a genuinely functional morality system,

for once. Mass Effect II takes everything that was even slightly imperfect about Mass Effect I (and there were some issues, believe me – not least of all the cumbersome rumbling around barren planets in the crappy mako) and either polishes it until it shines or throws it out the window. Whoring for renegade and paragon points so you can use your charm / intimidate skills is no longer necessary, and finally they’ve noticed that picking the neutral option shouldn’t be a bum deal, so you actually get a scattering of both renegade and paragon points for charting a course between doormatty sainthood and shooting people in the face. With the result that Mass Effect IIis a little piece of awesome, and I love it passionately.

As much as I enjoyed Dragon Age, I genuinely (and probably heretically) believe that Mass Effect is by far the superior game. By giving you an already established character, Shepard, and the freedom to develop his/her attitude as you wish, it avoids all the problems Dan articulates in

this

article on Dragon Age. I think embracing linearity, as opposed to serving up a poor semblance of freedom, makes for a deeper story and, paradoxically, a more personalised experience. In short, I'd much rather be Shepard within a story constructed all around me, than Second Dwarf Commoner From The Left.

Spoilers incoming.

There's only one fly in my Mass Effect ointment, and that's the character of Subject Zero. Seriously, Bioware, what were you thinking?! To be fair, Mass Effect has always been

a bit dodgy

with its gender politics. But, despite being wet as a rice paddy during a Monsoon (and not in a good way) and the weird virginity fetishisation undertone, Liara did make a decent partner for my Shepard, soothing my renegade inclinations with her tentacles...err...I mean gentle ideals. But Subject Zero goes beyond “hmmm, you were a bit clueless, weren't you?” and into “ye gods, what is wrong with you?”

Before the game came out, there were a couple of trailers to build up excitement and anticipation about the Subject Zero character. Click

here

for the first one. Trying too hard, much? Good grief, she swears! She has tattoos. And a shaved head! How freaky! How alternative! How badass! My tiny mind is blown. Now putting aside the fact she looks, and talks, like your typical Ox Goth, which is off-putting to say the least, this is pretty cringe-worthy but not so out of the usual realm of cringe-worthy wankfantasy videogame characters that I did more than roll my eyes and sigh. It is, however, generally annoying that for a woman to be a badass she also has to be broken (“turns out, mess with someone’s head enough and you can turn a scared kid into an all-powerful bitch"). Healthy women, y’see, wouldn't be getting tattoos and firing guns, oh no, they'd be, I don't know, doing healthy things like sewing or getting married.

Then came the second trailer (which you can see

here

). It's still annoying but it's less “wow, we have a terrible attitude towards women” annoying, and she shows some depth and complexity beyond the over-sexed, broken badass model of the first trailer. Well, at least she does if you’re feeling mildly generous about it.

Part of the problem with the trailers, I think, is the lack of awareness – there seems to be no understanding of how far are we meant to buy Subject Zero's rhetoric, how far she buys it herself, and to what extent it is rhetoric. I like the second trailer more than the first because she seems genuinely psychotic and dangerous – which puts her on par with most of the rest of the cast - as opposed to the first trailer which depicts her as somebody ultimately fearful and pretending. Is she a victim or a badass, or a victim AND a badass, and if the latter how far, and in what ways, are they connected?

And then there's the game itself, where it all goes to shit.

You recruit Subject Zero (or Jack as she is known – which I think is quite cool) from a penal colony called Purgatory as part of the formation of your personal Dirty Dozen. She was sold, as a child, to a dodgy medical facility who tortured her, and a bunch of other kids, in order to increase their biotic abilities. Eventually, Jack managed to kill her way to freedom – causing chaos throughout the galaxy until her arrest. As part of her “gain her loyalty” quest, you take her back to the remains of the facility because … y'know … she's a woman, so she needs closure, or some other touchy feely girly crap. Again, the quest as a whole straddles the border between interesting and annoying. It’s interesting because there’s a brief moment in which the writers seem to be doing something slightly original with Subject Zero - she learns that other children were being abused even worse than she was in order to protect her, and make sure the biotic-enhancement experiments wouldn't kill her. This would genuinely be an intriguing development for someone who, rather self-indulgently and self-destructively, has always perceived herself as a victim. But the game promptly brushes this under the carpet, and instead presents you with the usual “you're a killer, Jack, get used to it” versus “but you have to let go of your past so it no longer controls you” moral dilemma. Yawn. And ultimately what you have here is a sequence which does nothing but prove how completely dominated Subject Zero is by the terrible things that were done to her when she was a kid – so much so that it makes much of her subsequent life of badassery a complete lie.

Of course, it’s perfectly realistic that somebody would, in fact, be completely dominated by the terrible things that happened to them as a child. People are. BUT the game isn’t trying to engage with the far reaching effects of child abuse. It’s offering up the worst kind of male fantasy there is – that of the woman who seems totally strong, but is secretly a broken flower who desperately needs a man to save her. All the characters you recruit to your Suicide Squad are, to a degree, dangerous and fucked up but - even the dying assassin who was trained to be one from the age of six or the scientist who worked on a virus to control an entire alien virus or the dude grown in a tank by a crazy frog alien – no matter how much guilt and remorse they feel, they ultimately own their past, their decisions and their badassery.

Not so Subject Zero. What powers she has were given to her by the people who experimented on her. And all the bad shit she did in her life was not truly her choice, and not something for which she can be held accountable, because she was impelled to it by the damage done to her. (Again, check out Dan’s article

The Victim Dilemma

for more on this) What you’re left with is a completely unthreatening female pseudo-badass.

This is all bad enough but it’s when you start to get into the sexual side of things that you move from cluelessly offensive, and into really really fucking disgustingly offensive. I will admit Subject Zero is kind of hot, and, again, it’s potentially a good thing to have an attractive female character who isn’t conventionally feminine in appearance – although, again, it’s all trying slightly too hard for it to really be effective. And I do kind of wish she’d put a proper shirt on. Having your nipples hanging out is dangerous if you're encountering regular cross fire. Anyway, you can bone Subject Zero in two ways... so to speak, but only if you're a man. Despite having done girls in her past, because it’s a turn on for the male gamer, I suspect, she doesn’t do girls now – because, y’know, bulldykes just aren’t a turn on for the male gamer. And although it’s perfectly reasonable for Subject Zero not to be an equal opportunities bonee in principle, in practice it means she’s still further defined by her status as a male fantasy.

The 'renegade' way is to get it on with Subject Zero is to shaft her against a bulkhead

as soon as the opportunity arises

– she will then discard you because you've proven yourself just another using manslut. The disturbing implication of this is, therefore, that Subject Zero doesn’t actually like sex – otherwise she’d be perfectly happy to keep fucking you, in this cheerful, no strings attached way. Again, although it’s perfectly reasonable that someone with a history of abuse might not enjoy sex and use it as a form of self-harm, the game isn’t actually engaging with this. Subject Zero’s promiscuity, like her badassery, is just another lie because the game simply can’t get its head round the notion that a woman could enjoy casual sex.

The paragon way is to pursue a relationship with her, whereupon she comes to your cabin aaaand

check this shit out

, and try not barf.

Ye Gods. I know the romances in Mass Effect are there to pander to our fantasies (mine just happens to be Garrus Vakarian all the way) but this is absolutely the most destructive and repulsive male fantasy there is. The supposedly 'strong' woman who is actually broken and helpless and just needs a male shoulder to cry on. Because, yes, a woman who weeps while you stick it to her is a real turn on. Don't get me wrong, I understand this fantasy. We all want to save women, especially from the cruelty of other men (see

nice guy syndrome

) but at least I'm self-aware enough to acknowledge it has absolutely nothing to do with women, and is incredibly, unspeakably unhealthy.

Also, just look at the way this scene is animated. You have Subject Zero (not so badass now, eh?) trembling, weeping and wordless, acknowledging that Shepard has a deeper understanding of her needs than she does, admitting tacitly that the person she has become is little more than a façade for her truly vulnerable, properly feminine self. And then she lies down, passive and submissive, her arms stretched over her head while Shepard heals her with his mighty mancock.

Eeeeew!!!

(Just as contrast, do check out

the consummation scene with Miranda

, one of the other female options. I think video-game sex scenes tend to look a bit ridiculous, as the animation isn’t quite up to it, but this is quite fun and sexy. They power dynamic is balanced, Miranda is clearly an active and willing participant, and there’s nothing freakier going on than two healthy, consenting, adult human beings having a good time together).

But Subject Zero isn't a person at all – she was created by the men at the facility, broken by those same men, used by men across the galaxy and ultimately healed again by a man. And by the looks of it, she still doesn't even seem to like sex. In short, they've created a character whose sole purpose in the game is to make men feel good about themselves, without actually threatening or challenging them in any way. What’s hotter than a female badass? A female badass who isn’t actually a badass. What’s hotter than a highly sexed woman? A woman who isn’t actually highly sexed. What’s better than a strong woman? A vulnerable woman who needs a man to hold her. It sickens me. It actually sickens me.

I can take the sexual fantasies romance options in games seem to be offering, but the emotional ones – especially when they invoke the most repulsive aspects of Nice Guy Syndrome – have gone beyond disturbing.

Themes:

Computer Games

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

,

Minority Warrior

~

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~Comments (

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)

Arthur B

at 13:22 on 2010-02-02Awesome rant. But are you really being a Minority Warrior if you're a woman complaining about a game's portrayal of women? I thought the point of MWing was to leap to the defence of a group you're not actually a member of against the vile iniquities of your own demographic...

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Wardog

at 14:21 on 2010-02-02Arthur, are you saying I can't be a Minority Warrior because I'm a woman?!

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Arthur B

at 14:36 on 2010-02-02I'm saying that, if the defining trait of a Minority Warrior is speaking on behalf of demographics you don't belong to, then you can't be a Minority Warrior whilst speaking for your own demographic. :)

On the other hand, my Minority Warrior instincts say that anyone who self-defines as a Minority Warrior should be recognised as one.

But now I've ended up being a Minority Warrior talking on behalf of Minority Warriors, so I can't be a Minority Warrior, so then I must be because I'm talking on behalf of them, but I can't be because I am one, but I can't be because I'm talking on behalf of them, but I can't be because I am one, but I can't be because I'm talking on behalf of them, but I can't be because I am one, but I can't be because I'm talking on behalf of them, but I can't be because I am one, but I can't be because I'm talking on behalf of them, but I can't be...

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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/

at 17:28 on 2010-02-02Hi guys, first time posting on FerretBrain! I love your articles.

Anyway, I just beat Mass Effect 2 for the first time not long ago, and did in fact pursue the romance with Subject Zero. Looking back, there's really no way to view Jack than the typical Whedonchick, the super badass killer who was secretly traumatized and needs a good man to keep her up. Compare Jack with River.

There's also the comparisons between Jack and Kaiden, from ME1. Kaiden wasn't around in my ME2 save, but in retrospect they've got a bit of a similar backstory. Both were traumatized at a biotics training facility, Jack more than Kaiden, and both ended up killing to get away, Jack more than Kaiden. I'm not sure how much I can say about their comparison other than to note that nobody seemed to like Kaiden at all, although that may have been because his VA was the dude who voiced Carth Onasi.

I'm inclined to cut BioWare some slack for this, since it seems that literally every other female in Mass Effect is pretty much independent, proactive, and self-defined. The other party members in ME2 definitely are: Tali, Miranda, and Samara are all achievers with independent goals who have had tons of success without needing to deal with Shepard. To an extent, Tali and Miranda are defined by being their father's daughters (Miranda much more so than Tali, who is a pretty independently active woman), but they still do tons of stuff on their own, of their own volition. There's also Liara, who is happily the head of her own intelligence agency, doing things for her own reasons. Ashley, these days promoted to high command and the overseer of the entire military branch of a colony.

Even the secondary characters tend to fare pretty well: Emily Wong, Nassana Dantius, Shai'ara, the leader of the crime syndicate you meet in the Presidium in ME1, Matriarch Benezia (who, despite being mindraped by Sovereign, deliberately chose to infiltrate Saren's army and knew the risks that she would end up being indoctrinated; she wasn't just some random chick that Sovereign subjugated because puppet shows, hot)... Generally the women in Mass Effect tend to be pretty strong and very rarely defined as "someone's sister" or "someone's wife" (cf. Warcraft). There is the doctor from ME1, a somewhat archaic Damsel In Distress, but still. Most of the women in the game who get screentime tend to be pretty well-presented.

(Unless this entire analysis has just been my phallocentric manocratic thinking convincing me that the legions of sexual playthings paraded before me in a tentacular orgasmic rape simulator are actually fairly independent, well-characterized women. The curse of a minority warrior!)

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/2Yqe00sizOcIYBx41yITkDVVKJA_7g--#6c7d4

at 22:36 on 2010-02-02Is it just me or did they base Jack on the character of the same name from Chronicles of Riddick?? Even how the game unfolds during the mission on Purgatory, parallels Riddick and Jack's escape from "Crematoria" (prison colony/world).

Your interpretation of Jack reminds me of one of the quotes from Bioware's other character, "Morrigan", from their recent game "Dragon Age: Origins":

"Men are always ready to believe two things about a woman - that she is weak and that she finds him attractive."

Your fixation on gender is rather telling. I could care less that a man "heals" or "saves" Jack, or if a woman does. The paragon scene between them is about love. Love requires you to compromise pride and ego to attain something greater than yourself. What I see are two people engaged in a tender and emotional moment.

I could care less about lust or casual sex. And speaking of strong women, it takes a strong woman to truly give herself completely to intimacy, and the same of course is required of the man, to have a truly loving relationship. Even the word "relationship" implies "more than yourself". Casual sex is entirely selfish, and the preference of the weak willed.

On the contrary I believe it's a testament to Jack strength of will and character, to be so intimate with Shepard, after all she has been through. She's learned (and said in some of the dialogue) that people only act out of selfish concerns, and are not to be trusted.

But then it seems believable given the person Shepard proves himself to be (through paragon actions) and that he is an exceptional individual; peerless... saving the galaxy more than once.

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Wardog

at 23:06 on 2010-02-02@ Webcomcon, hello and welcome to Fb. Thank you for the comment. I suspect Kaiden was universally disliked because he was a whiny bitch and, honestly, game mechanically rubbish - it's amazing how much being a strong addition to your party can make you inclined to really dig someone. I actually liked Carth very much though - and have nothing against the VA.

I will agree that Bioware have done better with the other women in the game - I like Miranda, I adore Tali ... and, well, Samara is a big breasted dominatrix but at least she's not weak. Also from a character rather gendered perspective, I didn't quite *buy* Liara's shift from naive sheltered scientist to cold hard information broker.

I think what bugs me about Subject Zero is the lack of self-awareness in the portrayal - I genuinely believe it's a distasteful fantasy to indulge. Also the fact that it's tied into the morality system is just plain creepy - it's 'renegade' to have sex with a woman when she offers it, but 'paragon' to bone her while she weeps? EEEWWW! EWWWWW! EWWWW!! I think it plays into the idea tha sex is something women give to me to reward them ... rather than something that women want, and can enjoy, on their own terms.

Hello, err, me.yahoo.com/a/2Yqe00sizOcIYBx41yITkDVVKJA_7g--#6c7d4.

Your fixation on gender is rather telling

Telling in what way?

Love requires you to compromise pride and ego to attain something greater than yourself.

Like fuck it does.

What I see are two people engaged in a tender and emotional moment.

Really? Because what I see is a repulsive borderline misogynistic rape fantasy. If a woman started crying when I fucked her, I'd stop. I certainly wouldn't find it some kind of turn on.

And speaking of strong women, it takes a strong woman to truly give herself completely to intimacy, and the same of course is required of the man, to have a truly loving relationship.

And what, precisely, is Shepard giving up or compromising in this scene? It opens with her telling him he was right about everything. Also yours is a rather heterocentric depication of an ideal relationship isn't it?

Casual sex is entirely selfish, and the preference of the weak willed.

And arbitrary judgements are the refuge of the morally and intellectually cowardly.

But then it seems believable given the person Shepard proves himself to be (through paragon actions) and that he is an exceptional individual; peerless... saving the galaxy more than once.

Yes, heaven forefend she actually experience sexual desire.

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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/

at 00:06 on 2010-02-03It's a Randian anti-feminist ideal. The greatest possible exemplar of humanity is the powerful male; the greatest possible exemplar of FEMININITY is a woman who willfully "romantically surrenders" to such a man. Indeed, rape is actually the most legitimate form possible of love, because it's the most authentic representation of man's intrinsic superiority.

Another woman who comes off pretty well: Aria T'loak. Forgot her the first time around.

If I have any interest in Subject Zero, it's because I deliberately mis-read the character and imagine that she really IS coming to the realization that she actually WASN'T the worst off at the Cerberus facility and that most of her misery IS self-inflicted. It's a character arc where she finally realizes that the most destructive thing in her life has been her own refusal to engage with other people relationally, and Shepard finally helps her realize that. It's ba-a-arely suggested by the actual text of ME2.

====

Since I can't reply to the Playpen, mind if I may a few comments on that GamaSutra article? I think it's rather accurate, personally. I'm also of the belief that a more complex game is not necessarily a more interesting game or (most crucially) a more fun game. With Mass Effect, most of its complexity came in the form of rubbish loot that the game vomited up continuously, which was impossible to manage with its complex inventory. The secondary source of complexity was the gigantic skill trees each character had.

There are definitely two options: Refine the systems so that they're complex AND ENTERTAINING, or discard the systems so that you're left with the good stuff you had before. Personally, since I have no interest whatsoever in managing inventory, I'm glad they chucked the "here, receive eight billion copies of the Kolyat VII Sniper Rifle! try to find time to sell all the gear you'll never bother to equip!" system. It might have been interesting to see it upgraded into something Borderlands-esque, but meh.

I'm ambivalent on the reduced complexity in the skill trees. One benefit to the simplified skill trees is that different characters, even ones with the same specialty, are pretty distinct mechanically. Jack in combat doesn't really play like Samara, and Zaeed and Jacob are pretty distinct too. Unlike in ME1, where a Soldier Shepard and Ashley were basically identical, except Shepard was always better because she got more skill points. On the other hand, having tons of options to build your character is neat.

I play more shooters than WRPGs anyway. I really appreciated ME2's refined cover system. It feels infinitely more natural and useful than ME1's, although it's still not as good as the cover in Gears or Uncharted.

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Wardog

at 09:38 on 2010-02-03

It's a Randian anti-feminist ideal

Oh God, it's been such a long time since I've looked at / thought about Rand, but, yes, you're right. There's a kind of romantic re-interpretation of this you can find in early romance novels, when female sexual desire was still something borderline inexpressible. You get a lot of psuedo-rape, awakening to true self yadda yadda stuff, but mainly as a cover so the heroine can get her rocks off without feeling guilty about it.

Another woman who comes off pretty well: Aria T'loak.

Oh, yes, she's awesome. It was really nice to see an Asari not being a nameless merc, lapdancer or a touchy-feely sex counsellor for once. Also I should probably emphasise I don't - in general - have an issue with the portrayal of women in ME. Just Subject Zero; and I was initally quite interested in the character myself because, although there was that 'trying too hard' air about her, I did quite like her, because she was hot, direct and well voice-acted. I thought the visit to her facility very nearly came off well - but then the whole thing degenerated into ICK.

With ref to the Gamasutra article - I think the issue is that a lot of the things ME II has discarded are considered endemic to the cRPG format/genre. I entirely agree with you about inventory mangaement - I want to play the game I've bought, not some tedious tetris-alike whereby I'm juggling resources from one box to another as efficiently as possible. But I think for a lot of people having an inventory that needs managing is as much a part of a cRPG as sprawling skill trees or having to visit a merchant every 10 minutes to offload your crap.

For me, I think a good computer games makes you feel like what you're suppoesd to be. I liked the pared down approach of MEII because all the stuff that made me feel I was playing a computer game (fucking inventory management) has gone and all the stuff that makes me feel like a bad ass sci-fi chick has been amped up. But I think the Gamasutra is right - because of this, it's genuinely debatable whether MEII is an RPG any more.

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Arthur B

at 10:04 on 2010-02-03The inventory management thing is especially odd when, as far as I'm aware, nobody really considers encumbrance rules, which would be their equivalent in tabletop RPGs, to be a necessary or vital component of a tabletop RPG system; I'm aware of several which don't have such a thing.

To be fair, with traditional RPGs you really ought to be able to rely on the participants not abusing this and having their characters running around carrying an obscene amount of kit. But on the other hand, JRPGs quietly gave characters inventories of nigh-unlimited size a long time ago. And I suspect some CRPG inventory systems were developed mainly to keep the size of saved games down, rather than being based on any real consideration of how much characters could actually carry... and have been retained, long past the point where save game size really matters (or at least, past the point where what's in your inventory is going to take up more than a tiny fraction of your saved game).

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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/

at 15:00 on 2010-02-03Base-building and resource management is endemic to the RTS format, and grinding is endemic to the MMO format. While I'm not going to say with absolute certainty that those things are always lame (I've had fun building bases in Earth 2150), I am generally grateful when you get games that pare away that bullshit and give you something actually interesting.

And I suspect some CRPG inventory systems were developed mainly to keep the size of saved games down, rather than being based on any real consideration of how much characters could actually carry

Makes sense, especially when you look at the pencil-and-paper parallels. One obvious difference you have to consider when drawing analogies between CRPGs and tabletop RPGs is the absence of a GM. In Dungeons and Dragons, the dungeon master can just say "knock it off, you moron, you can't carry the entire contents of the dungeon with you" without needing any explicit rules about how you can only carry one hundred and forty pounds per point of Strength modifier.

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Melissa G.

at 15:09 on 2010-02-03I think it would be awesome if instead of a message popping up saying, "You can't carry any more in your backpack", the game message did say, "Knock if off, moron, you can't carry the entire contents of the dungeon with you". Perhaps followed with a "Greedy bastard. Isn't it bad enough that you're robbing corpses!" :-)

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Jamie Johnston

at 21:48 on 2010-02-03

Arthur, are you saying I can't be a Minority Warrior because I'm a woman?!

In the immortal words of Eric Idle,

'Don't you oppress me!'

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at 19:03 on 2010-02-04Some responses to the ME2 article Kyra posted:

Most of the actual criticisms seem fair enough. It would be nice if the levels weren't so clearly delineated between "combat area" and "walking-through area". It would be nice if the mission structure were changed up a bit. His suggestions generally seem reasonable.

Then he gets to the actual analysis, and it's like "This game basically blows and I can't believe anyone is dumb enough to like it, GOOD JOB bioware for blinding all the sheeple and dumbing down your game." Seems like he, too, is happily trumping up a game for the sake of an extreme byline.

It would also be really nice if people could criticize games without calling it "dumbed down". It's been part of the descriptive vocabulary for Deus Ex 2, Mass Effect 2, Modern Warfare 2, Bioshock, and really virtually any game that's gone from a PC background onto a console. Even in the case of Mass Effect, that started life on a console. Even if I buy into the idea that a more complex and difficult game is necessarily a better one, the overtly hostile elitism is incredibly distasteful.

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Rude Cyrus

at 19:38 on 2010-02-04I’m really enjoying Mass Effect 2 so far, and I agree with Kyra’s criticisms. Jack always rubbed me the wrong way, perhaps because she came off as dangerously psychotic, as opposed to, say, Grunt, who was merely antisocial. As creepy as the scene between Shepard and Jack was, I’m not sure you can call it a sex scene, considering they kept their clothes on the entire time. :P

Anyway, my new favorite character has to be Mordin: he initially comes off as a mad scientist-type, but he’s actually quite nuanced. One of the stranger (and more hilarious) moments of the game comes when he makes an offhand remark about singing in a Gilbert and Sullivan opera. When you ask about this, he launches into the Mass Effect version of the Major General song. When it was finished, I sat there for about 12 minutes and muttered “what the fuck” over and over.

As for the article posted in the Playpen -- yeah, I don’t like it, but I’d like to address one of the criticisms: in the “Bring Down the Sky” DLC for the first game, there’s an instance where the aliens do speak their own language, and a codex entry informs us that languages are translated via a subdermal implant, or something like that.

Oh, and I agree that the Paragon/Renegade choices are much smoother.

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at 19:42 on 2010-02-04Mordin is great. I was totally fascinated by his personal attempts to wrestle with the morality of the genophage. Plus he's just fun to listen to.

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Wardog

at 21:17 on 2010-02-04Mordin is fantastic - I'm looking forward to his operatic interlude.

Which reminds me. Amused: did you see the advert for all-Elcor Hamlet?

Garrus is still my homie though. I have no idea what the magic is but he's my favourite video game character ever. Possibly it's the buddy cop movie feel, or his voice acting, or the fact I can now I get it on with him (neither of us crying) but, yeah, Garrus for President!

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Rude Cyrus

at 22:03 on 2010-02-04The game also has, I think, a single example of an actual female krogan. It's easy to miss, but I was still floored.

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Wardog

at 09:31 on 2010-02-05Zomg! WHERE?!!

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Rude Cyrus

at 20:49 on 2010-02-05On Tuchanka, in the shaman's room, is a krogan named Natorth. She talks about being an envoy to the female clans and basically threatens you every time you prompt her. Like I said, easy to miss.

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at 22:24 on 2010-02-05

..there seems to be no understanding of how far are we meant to buy Subject Zero's rhetoric, how far she buys it herself, and to what extent it is rhetoric. I like the second trailer more than the first because she seems genuinely psychotic and dangerous – which puts her on par with most of the rest of the cast - as opposed to the first trailer which depicts her as somebody ultimately fearful and pretending.

The fact that she has killed many people and has no reservation of killing, completely disproves any notion that her killer persona is a pretense. Who cares why she kills, she does, and that alone makes her dangerous and worthy of respect.

I can understand that you don't like her character, but don't try and belittle her. You'd just be underestimating her and that would get you killed. (If she was a real person..since we're comparing her to a real person)

I finally played through the game as male Shepard, so I've seen a different side of Jack (initially I finished the game as the female Shepard).

Maybe the one thing you and others are forgetting is that Shepard is a peerless warrior and leader. Savior of the galaxy, more than once. It only makes sense that Jack would have more respect for him than any other person in her life. And ultimately fall in love. I also imagine she views him as non-threatening, which fosters her attraction to him.

I will concede that I was surprised in

how

she falls in love with Shepard. I suppose for the sake of brevity in the game, the entire process happens in a few scenes. She opens up to him far too quickly.

..but this is absolutely the most destructive and repulsive male fantasy there is. The supposedly 'strong' woman who is actually broken and helpless and just needs a male shoulder to cry on. Because, yes, a woman who weeps while you stick it to her is a real turn on. Don't get me wrong, I understand this fantasy. We all want to save women, especially from the cruelty of other men (see nice guy syndrome) but at least I'm self-aware enough to acknowledge it has absolutely nothing to do with women, and is incredibly, unspeakably unhealthy.

I could care less about what fantasies people have. It's when you allow fantasies to negatively affect/interfere with your life, is when it becomes problematic.

Also, when it comes to saving women or being protective of them, I think it has more to do with a subconscious (and irrational) perception of women as our daughters. Which would explain why men often perceive women as weak. The protective feeling also has no sexual motivation, at least for me, which also corroborates that theory. Weakness in a woman provokes a feeling of tenderness from me, as I see it as an opportunity to show kindness.

Oh and, I never saw her weeping when they were kissing. She only teared up once, initially, after speaking to Shepard. And I can't imagine they were having intercourse either, with their clothes on. Forgive me for saying but that seems like an odd inference. Maybe I'm old fashioned but in that situation, and just in general, I expect a little more foreplay involved before sexual intercourse.

The 'renegade' way is to get it on with Subject Zero is to shaft her against a bulkhead as soon as the opportunity arises – she will then discard you because you've proven yourself just another using manslut. The disturbing implication of this is, therefore, that Subject Zero doesn’t actually like sex – otherwise she’d be perfectly happy to keep fucking you, in this cheerful, no strings attached way.

Or maybe she hoped for more from him and was disappointed. And maybe she feels that as much as she could use him for sex, he would also be using her, which that renegade action made abundantly clear. It also says a lot about what Shepard thinks of her, if he is more concerned with screwing her body than getting to know the person standing in front of him. Maybe she realizes this insult, consciously or not, and feels compelled to deny him the pleasure of sex even if it means not gratifying herself.

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at 22:38 on 2010-02-05The paragon romance scene also goes to show that you never truly know someone. Often people keep their true feelings and their true self hidden. Until they meet the right person(s).

I also don't consider what happened between them to define Jack. It's a far stretch to say that one moment contradicts everything she has done in her life, or who she is.

I wouldn't consider a misanthrope, who found one person worthy of trust and respect, to immediately find all people worthy of some trust and respect. Jack is still the same killer, but as I hinted at before, compromise is intrinsic to love. I think she would always remain distrusting and hostile to people, unless in conflict with their relationship (such as Shepard's friends). I think this is just her fundamental nature, and some things a person can never change about themselves.

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Arthur B

at 22:48 on 2010-02-05

Who cares why she kills, she does, and that alone makes her dangerous and worthy of respect.

Because if you're a killer, you can't also be wracked with doubt and fear.

Also, when it comes to saving women or being protective of them, I think it has more to do with a subconscious (and irrational) perception of women as our daughters.

Because being paternalistic is so much better than being horny.

Maybe she realizes this insult, consciously or not, and feels compelled to deny him the pleasure of sex even if it means not gratifying herself.

Because women are the gatekeepers of sex who ration it out to men if they feel that the men are deserving.

Wow.

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Wardog

at 23:52 on 2010-02-05

(If she was a real person..since we're comparing her to a real person)

I'm not, I'm analysing her, and what her character implies, as a literary construct.

I could care less about what fantasies people have. It's when you allow fantasies to negatively affect/interfere with your life, is when it becomes problematic.

I refer you to your own comment here: "Weakness in a woman provokes a feeling of tenderness from me, as I see it as an opportunity to show kindness." It's kind of sad you need women to show 'weakness' in order to be kind to them; and that you need to use the vulnerability of others to make yourself feel better.

nd I can't imagine they were having intercourse either, with their clothes on. Forgive me for saying but that seems like an odd inference. Maybe I'm old fashioned but in that situation, and just in general, I expect a little more foreplay involved before sexual intercourse.

Err, lies on top of her, begins kissing her face and neck - and then it fades to black. I think that indicates forthcoming sexoring.

Or maybe she hoped for more from him and was disappointed. And maybe she feels that as much as she could use him for sex, he would also be using her, which that renegade action made abundantly clear. It also says a lot about what Shepard thinks of her, if he is more concerned with screwing her body than getting to know the person standing in front of him. Maybe she realizes this insult, consciously or not, and feels compelled to deny him the pleasure of sex even if it means not gratifying herself.

Again, this is entirely based on the notion that bad men want sex whereas woman want "something more." There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting physical gratification - it's not "an insult" between two consenting adults. Sex is not something men want and women give - it's an act of mutuality, whether it is based on desire or desire and love.

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Rami

at 06:16 on 2010-02-06

Maybe the one thing you and others are forgetting is that Shepard is a peerless warrior and leader. Savior of the galaxy, more than once. It only makes sense that Jack would have more respect for him than any other person in her life. And ultimately fall in love.

I don't know about you, but the idea of a dude who is so awesome that women's brains melt into loving submission around him sounds like a pretty dysfunctional portrayal of women in general. Worship != Love, y'know.

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Arthur B

at 14:28 on 2010-02-06Even if we take a very generous reading of me.yahoo.com's statement and interpret it as meaning that through his example Shepard inspires respect and loyalty in his/her allies (which isn't completely out there), there's still a

major

difference between respect and love. Love requires respect if it's going to function. But respect does not inevitably lead to love. People don't exist on a relationship continuum from "hatred" to "bonking".

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Jamie Johnston

at 21:35 on 2010-02-06Another indication (if we need another) that there's a categorical difference is that it's generally considered possible and healthy to admire and respect people you've never met, whereas (romantically) loving someone you've never met would be widely regarded as unhealthy or impossible.

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http://ibmiller.livejournal.com/

at 16:15 on 2010-02-07Sorry, random thought, but James Cameron's The Terminator seems built around the idea that loving someone you've never met it totally awesome. But then, I thought the first Terminator was really, really, um, dumb.

Now, admittedly, I am on rather a different ideological spectrum when it comes to gender issues than most of fb (e.g. I like Twilight, though not uncritically). Just want to say that before I comment further, so there's no confusion.

However, I really like the paragon romance with Jack (though I'm not sure I'd really want to play it - I like Tali more). While I see some of the problems of the victim syndrome, I'm not sure if it's necessarily a misogynistic impulse. I'm not really seeing how Jack (who is basically a bald River Tam, without the schizophrenia) learning to love is that different from, say, Katsa from Graceling (ducks). Both are extremely good at killing, both learn to open up emotionally, and both do so to men.

I'm not sure how I regard the idea that the tears are supposed to be a turn on. I don't think that's my reaction to them, as I saw them more as Jack finally trusting someone else instead of humiliation. However, I do see how loathsome and utterly vile nice guy syndrome is. I'm just not sure that this situation really fits that category.

Finally, I think that the Miranda scene is rather stupid - but then, I think Miranda is really, really annoying. I much prefer Tali or (from the first game) Ashley (though I could see how the latter is also open to similar charges, as her whole "I never felt good enough" backstory seems similar to the elements of Jack's backstory found objectionable).

(Side note: where I hang out, there's actually huge numbers of people who liked Kaiden - most of whom also liked Carth. Most of them are 30-40 year old female gamers, I think. Clarifying statement: I hope that my classification of those who like Carth doesn't dig me deeper in the hole I've no doubt I'm already in. I'm afraid it does, though. Nuts. Addendum: I really hope I don't come across quite as a completely arrogant idiot.)

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at 16:30 on 2010-02-07Hmmm, sorry for double posting, but I should clarify - my purpose in commenting is not that I have an axe to grind, but that I'm genuinely curious - I really don't see how Katsa and Jack are that different.

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Arthur B

at 18:10 on 2010-02-07Hmmm, the way I saw The Terminator I thought that Kyle was sort of boyishly obsessed with Sarah before he met her, but once they met there was in fact a sufficient spark which led to them falling in love. His confession is, after all, a confession, that comes about only once they have known each other for a while and he is opening up emotionally to her and she to him. His first words to her are, after all, "come with me if you want to live", not "I've loved you from afar for years! Come with me, your Time Stalker!"

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Rude Cyrus

at 07:48 on 2010-02-08I've finished ME2, and I haved to admit I have some mixed feelings about it, along with a few worries. First, it feels rather sparse in comparison to the first game -- the structure is basically "recruit people, do loyalty missions, do 3 other main plot missions, the end." It's surprisingly linear compared to its predecessor. Second, I'm worried that ME3 is going to be the same way. Bioware is trying to release ME3 in 2011, which is a surprisingly short development time, considering the first game came out in 2007. I fear they're going the Matrix/Pirates of the Caribbean route by developing both games at the same time. As you know the Matrix/PotC sequels were, well, kind of shit. I don't want that to happen with this franchise. I seriously love it.

Or maybe I'm just being paranoid.

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Wardog

at 16:35 on 2010-02-11@Ibmiller

Don't worry, I won't go off the deep-end :P

On the subject of Jack versus River ... I guess ... look at the series rather than the movie which attempted to tie up lose-ends in a rather unsatisfactory way, I would argue that the difference between Jack and River is that River is comprehensively broken in a way that seems unfixable. I mean, Simon looks after her, yes, but in a way that is delicately and ambiguously portrayed as not exactly being good for both of them. Nobody putting his cock in her and encouraging her to cry will make River 'better.' Nor is there ever any suggestion that what River needs to make her better is to have good ol girly cry about it, and rest her head on the chest of a strong man. (I love Firefly, by the way, River and Simon break my heart)

Also I think the difference between Katsa and Jack is that even though Katsa has issues with emotional (and physical) intimacy and has done some terribly violent things, her strength is unquestionably her own, unlike Jack. Katsa is badass because she is badass, not because she is broken.

Also I'm not sure comparing MEII and Graceling is entirely fair because they're such different mediums but I'll just re-quote my favourite line in the entirety of, well, romance actually:

He laughed “You may hunt for my food and beat me every time we fight, and protect me when we’re attacked, if you like. I’ll thank you for it.” “But I’d never need to protect you, if we were attacked. And I doubt you need me to do your hunting, either.” “True. But you’re better than I am, Katsa. And it doesn’t humiliate me.” He fed a branch to the fire. “It humbles me. But it doesn’t humiliate me.”

There's no element of this mutuality between Jack and the PC - Jack cries and opens herself to intimacy (and screwing), the PC doesn't. Of course, this is entirely a problem of the medium. Romances in computer games can only work in one direction, it's a big part of their limitation as a type of storytelling (although not necessarily as a type of interaction).

I'm probably not expressing myself very well - I am not against the idea of a character like Jack coming to express emotional imtimacy towards the PC, I think it's the juxtaposition of vulnerability / femininity / submission that kind of squicks me out. (I'm not against those things either by the way but I think they have to be explicit and acknowledged). There is no reason that Jack couldn't express her vulnerability and then for the characters to have ... you know ... rather less dodgy, weepy, violiny sex.

Actually if you compare it to, for example, the Tali scene it doesn't hold up well. I mean, Tali is clearly nervous (adorably nervous) and she babbles away until the PC reassures her. She's clearly quite emotionally vulnerable here as well - but when the PC removes her helmet she does this beautiful little thing where she's talking away and she just pounces on him and they kiss their way to silence. It's a lovely lovely little scene, because Tali is clearly entirely herself, healthy, consenting and *totally into you in a physical, sexual way*. Rock on.

I should probably have used Tali rather than Miranda - as I don't like Miranda either (hello ... personality pls?) but I wanted to compare human-against-human.

I also liked Ashley a lot, for what it's worth, and Carth. Does this officially make me 40 now? ;) I don't know why Kaiden didn't work since they're quite similar characters and even have the same VA. There's just something fundamentally decent about Carth, even if he does keep whinging about his dead wife.

And, no, you don't come across as an arrogant idiot - I suspect this whole article makes me sound like I'm frothingly obsessed with gender/sex issues.

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Wardog

at 16:39 on 2010-02-11@Cyrus

I kind of stalled at the end of the loyalty missions - I know exactly what you mean about the sense of linearity. Tbh, linear stories don't bother me but it's a little bit *too* all happening in one room-ish. I remember the first time I landed on the Citadel my tiny mind was completely blown by this vast vast place with all the aliens in it. But there's nothing like that to compare in MEII. I mean Omega is basically just a bar and some shops. There's no sense of this sprawling underworld of crime. I can't believe that such a vast galaxy feels so dinky.

I guess it's problematic since they're essentially burdening themselves with huge trailing tendrils of story as they go along but ... but ... I miss the vastness of spaaaaace.

I will finish it though because, like you, I am still crazily in love with the games.

And also with Garrus.

And also with Mordin who might just be the best video game character EVER. I love his moral complexity.

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at 19:27 on 2010-02-11

Err, lies on top of her, begins kissing her face and neck - and then it fades to black. I think that indicates forthcoming sexoring.

That's the beauty of "fade to black". And the other story elements in the game. It's "open ended", leaving the viewer to see

what they want to see

. How each person interprets a situation is very telling of their thoughts and feelings.

I didn't see that scene having enough passion to make it reasonable to assume they had sex. Maybe all they did was kiss and hug each other. She was distraught, after all, which as you said is a strange emotion to have while consenting to intercourse... And yet you made that assumption. Am I the only one that thinks that a man and woman can just "cuddle" and not require intercourse?

If they did have sex, the scene afterward, shouldn't they have their clothes OFF? Or at the very least be partially nude and covered in a blanket, to imply they had sex?

I don't know about you, but the idea of a dude who is so awesome that women's brains melt into loving submission around him sounds like a pretty dysfunctional portrayal of women in general. Worship != Love, y'know.

I said nothing of worship. Jack has a problem trusting anyone, and believes that everyone ultimately take interest in her or uses her, for their own selfish reasons. She even describes her feelings about the last time she fell in love. I think because of the

person

Shepard is, she is more inclined to open up to him emotionally, and out of all the people on that ship, it's for that reason that Shepard seems the most likely person she would fall in love with. Of course, not that I expect her to fall in love with him, I'm just saying it makes sense that she does.

The 'renegade' way is to get it on with Subject Zero is to shaft her against a bulkhead as soon as the opportunity arises – she will then discard you because you've proven yourself just another using manslut. The disturbing implication of this is, therefore, that Subject Zero doesn’t actually like sex – otherwise she’d be perfectly happy to keep fucking you, in this cheerful, no strings attached way.

Maybe she doesn't discard him or consider him a "manslut", nor is it evidence that she doesn't like sex. I think that when a person engages in casual sex, the intimate nature of the act can change the way each person feels about the other, namely their physical and emotional compatibility.

Also you assume that he would consent to having sex with her on more than one occasion. Maybe he just wanted to have a fling with her and really pursue someone else, like Miranda. Of course the limitations of the game wouldn't allow this, but it still seems plausible.

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at 19:55 on 2010-02-11Whew, I'm glad I didn't offend too badly. Thank you for such a thoughtful and helpful response - that does help clarify my questions.

I see what you're saying about River, though I'm curious how this explanation and contrast with Jack's storyline fits with River's only made better through her brother (a man's) actions (in series, at least, though in the movie it was sort of a reverse fridge thing), and her frequent crying in said man's arms (albeit certainly not sexual unless you really, really love squick). I agree that the sex thing seems a bit out of place if looked at as the actual healing action - though I think it's mostly an "awkward placement" thing (or can be), since I think it happens late in the game, and they may have been pressed for where else to put the two events (healing and sex).

I'm confused as the reason Katsa and Jack being badass is important - it isn't a choice on either of their part. It's just that Katsa is born with it, and Jack is experimented on. I actually have problems with the whole "superpowered empowerment" thing, since it's terribly unhelpful if you're trying to say something about the "real world" (and I think it's been analyzed on fb at least once before). I mean, even guys don't get much help from thinking "Well, Spider-man can cling to walls, so I will be a good dude and save people," so why would women say "Well, Buffy/River/Jack/Katsa have a demon/experiments/Grace and can defend themselves, so I will be a strong woman and hit people." Doesn't seem to make sense to me.

I think you highlight the real problem or dissonance between interpretations with your comments on medium problems. I personally would read and play the Jack romance with a lot of imagined scenes (that would be pretty unnecessary for the plot and game mechanics, so I don't think it's really a weakness on the game's part that they're not there) in which the main character also opens up (not only to Jack, but other characters) and is vulnerable. After all, one of the reasons I love BioWare games is that you need party members - I'm not a huge fan of FPS or other single-player games. I like the "interaction" (plus I got fed up with "the Chosen One" trope a long time ago).

However, I agree that the Tali romance plot and scenes rock. But I think the Jack ones aren't necessarily as misogynist - at least you don't have to play them as if they were. But then, I also like to handicap myself in RPG to "roleplay." Like playing KotOR with knives or pistols, just because, and then making up a backstory as to why, when the game is clearly geared towards lightsabers.

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http://rebootfromstart.livejournal.com/

at 19:45 on 2010-02-14

If they did have sex, the scene afterward, shouldn't they have their clothes OFF?

Just a little point here: you don't necessarily need to take your clothes off to have sex.

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Arthur B

at 11:15 on 2010-02-15Also, it's worth pointing out that "fade to black" has had a fairly consistent history of being used to indicate that sexual shenanigans of some nature are about to take place. Yes, it can be used to create a deliberate ambiguity. But it is just as often used - and in the sort of context we're talking about here, is almost

always

used - not to create ambiguity, but to quite unambiguously indicate that sex has occurred without actually showing it.

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Wardog

at 16:29 on 2010-02-15@Ibmiller

I hope you don't think it's a copout that I respond generally rather specifically to individual points - I guess I have real problems with the whole broken / bad-ass spectrum of female characters. I mean it's partially tied in with the Empowerment From Disempowerment aka Victim Dilemma that Dan writes about but I think it just ties in quite awkwardly with notions of strong women and their place in the world. I mean one of the reasons I really loved early season Buffy (before Joss Whedon got bitten by the feminist bug) is that early season Buffy is a genuinely strong female character - in that she kicks vampire ass AND simultaneously is a pretty blonde girl who wants a boyfriend and to be a cheerleader. Of course it's partially a joke (incongruity alert! this small blonde girl is KICK ASS!) but until the show went barging down A HERO MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND MAKE SACRIFICES AND OH BY THE WAY BUFFY IS TOTALLY WRECKED boulevard both aspects of her life had validity... and often you spent the episodes wondering if she would make the cheerleading squad ... oh and also kill the bad guy. I think that's a nice combination, personally. And, again, the thing I really like about early Buffy was that her powers, like getting bitten by a radioactive spider, were just something she had (before she had to get in touch with da spirits of de first slayer or whatever crack that was).

And the different between the broken badass empowered woman versus, say, Spiderman is that although Spiderman struggles to balance being a super-hero and being a normal guy, there's never any question that if he didn't have a moral duty to save people he'd be *fine*. The problems he faces in everyday life are not because, like, he's totally wrecked by his experiences with the spider but because he has chosen a life of ultimate self-sacrfice. You don't doubt for a moment that, if only he could, Mary Jane would be lucky to have him. Whereas with broken bad-ass chicks that which makes them bad-ass is also that which makes them non-fuctional as a person or, implied, as a woman.

I genuinely think the Jack Love Arc is not okay (although I do see your arguments why it might be) - it's not that there's anything per se wrong with a healing-through-lurve thingy, it's the fact that the cRPG format can offer no sense of reciprocity. And the fact he bones her while she cries. Dude. It just strikes me as *potentially* playing into a dodgy fantasy of emotional rescue - you know that the PC can't give her anything (like his cock) while she's "strong" only when she's weak and weeping.

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http://tristanjsstuff.blogspot.com/

at 04:24 on 2010-05-30Out of curiosity, what did you think of Shepard's and Jack's friendship? I've only played through 2 as Nice!Fem!Shepard, and she seemed more like she was trying to 'fix' Jack, and by the end of the game, it seemed more like Jack was on the road to recovery.

Also, I don't understand why Jack wanting closure by blowing the crap out of the hellhole she came from is 'touchy feely crap cause she's a woman'. Sounds like a perfectly understandable (if not reasonable or healthy) response.

Finally, what would you have thought if Jack had all the exact same backstory, personality, motivations and interactions, but was male? Again, I'm just curious.

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Arthur B

at 23:00 on 2010-07-23So I just beat Mass Effect 2. Thoughts:

- I played it as Asshole Shepherd, which is quite good for avoiding sexual creepiness towards Jack. The Renegade attitude towards her (when it doesn't involve trying to bone her) seems to involve a rugged determination not to enable her moping whilst letting her do what's necessary to work through her issues, which just seems miles healthier than "let me heal you with my dick". Either way, I was glad that completing her loyalty mission unlocks the option to make her wear a shirt.

- The loyalty missions could be a bit more diverse. It would be nice to have more which didn't end with the NPC in question confronting a character from their past and either killing them or not killing them. (I quite liked Thane's one for that reason actually).

- I was really impressed with the way they structured the suicide mission and the potential for major NPCs (and you) dying during it. Though apparently Zaeed is a suboptimal person to lead the B-team in the suicide mission, which seems... bizarre. You're told you need to pick someone who's used to leading a team. He once led a whole mercenary army. You'd think he'd be perfect for it.

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Arthur B

at 02:02 on 2010-07-25Double post because I forgot to mention something:

YOU CAN BUY

BOO

AND KEEP HIM IN YOUR CABIN

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Bookwyrm

at 05:08 on 2013-07-05I have a couple questions. When you said Jack was a "pseudo-badass" were you just referring to the story or were you including the game play too? According to

TV Tropes

, Jack is one of the weaker characters despite being touted as one of the most powerful human biotics in the cut scenes.

I haven't played the game myself so I wanted to know if she was at least useful in combat(if you used her at all). Also, what did you think her character in Mass Effect 3?

(Personally I'd like to know how someone with an extensive criminal record and clear psychological issues managed to get a teaching job at Grissom Academy within six months.)

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http://arilou-skiff.livejournal.com/

at 11:59 on 2013-07-05^ Companions don't make that much of a differenc really, pick the one you're most comfortable with.

"- I was really impressed with the way they structured the suicide mission and the potential for major NPCs (and you) dying during it. Though apparently Zaeed is a suboptimal person to lead the B-team in the suicide mission, which seems... bizarre. You're told you need to pick someone who's used to leading a team. He once led a whole mercenary army. You'd think he'd be perfect for it."

He's also the guy whose team always ends up either dead or betraying him :p

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Arthur B

at 12:15 on 2013-07-05

He's also the guy whose team always ends up either dead or betraying him :p

True enough, but the more distance on it I get the more the suicide mission's underlying assumptions and logic seems counter-intuitive and oblique and impenetrable. Which is good if you want people to occasionally die apparently arbitrarily for reasons the player can't fathom, except that really doesn't seem to have been what Bioware were aiming for.

Possibly this is a side effect of me preferring to ignore

ME2

these days, partly because in retrospect I see bits of

ME3

stuff creeping in there (like the weird way it makes you want to consider Cerberus stuff important but then refuses to let you actually interact with it in any interesting fashion) and partly because my peak of enthusiasm for the series was at the end of

ME1

, where it felt like there was still a whole universe out there to explore and the story could go

anywhere

from that point.

[verdiepingirislamers]

Het interview

Wanneer je iets nog nooit hebt gedaan is de kans groot dat het misgaat. Dat was het geval bij het interview, door een storing in de audio recorder moest een deel van het interview opnieuw. Gelukkig had ik het interview als back up ook op de Canon opgenomen dus gelukkig wist ik welke vragen we misten.

Omdat ik het zelf overzichtelijk werken vind, heb ik naar alle audio beluisterd, heb ik alle “ruis” weggegooid en heb ik het interview overgetypt. Op deze manier heb ik een eerste verhaallijn geschreven.

103153

 Who are you etc

My name is Tim, I’m 19 years old and I’m from Berlin, Germany. And I work for volksentscheid-fahrrad, the Berlin bicycle referendum.

 Why did you decide to volunteer there?

A1: I decided to volunteer there because I wanted to help improve Berlin as a cycling city and as a more livable city.

A2: I decided to volunteer for them because i want to improve Berlin as as cycling city and I want city’s rather for humans than cars.

 Why Berlin and no other German city?

Berlin has some unique features, better than other cities in Germany. Berlin has a very high rate of public transportation and of bicycling. But still the car plays a major role in how the city looks like. We have very wide streets and these are often made for cars.

 What does your organization do to get to these improvements?

We started a petition about 1,5 years ago and collected 100.000 signatures in the last summer in less than 3 weeks and now we’re negotiating the Berlin cycling law which will be the first in the whole nation of Germany to provide a better cycling structure for Berlin.

 Would you say this is a fast or slow proces?

Of Course the change won’t happen from today to tomorrow but our law will guarantee better cycling structure for Berlin until 2030. And until then we’ll always be besides the local governments and help improving Berlin on a local *uhm* level..

P2: our law will help improve Berlin as a cycl city until 2030 and *muh* until then we’ll always be besides the local governments and improve Berlin on a local level.

 Are you going to be part of this organization during this whole process?

Ofcourse I can never say if I’ll stay in Berlin for the next 13 years but as long as the referendum *uhm* as long as Berling is not a cycling city I will always be part of this cause to get Berlin to where it should be.

 Core business of the organization?

The volksentscheid-fahrrad or Berlin bicycle referendum was founded in november of 2015 and then we *ehm* wrote a law that would improve cycling in Berlin. We collected more than 100.000 signatures in less than 3 weeks in the summer of 2016. After that the new Berlin coalition has agreed to negotiations with us about the Berlin cycling law which will be put in place later this year.

 Can you tell me the same about the Hubschrauber? - goals of organization

Our main goals are to have two meter wide protected bike lanes at every major street in Berlin, to have bicycle streets that are only open to bicycles and cars that need to go there. To have *EHM* bicycle highways that go from the city center to the outskirts of the city to connect and also make commuting also from the outer parts of the city more attractive.

P2: also we want to change 50 intersections a year because intersections is where most Berlin cyclists get killed. We had 17 dead cyclists last year. Most of them were killed by heavy duty and most of the cyclists get killed by trucks and that’s the reason why we need safe intersections where truck drivers can always see the cyclists.

 The Hubschrauber short

The Hubschruaber is a self-reparing bycicle workshop that is/was founded 20 years ago and is part of the rumbaud university. It is designed for people to come in and fix their bycicles under supervision… under supervision of volunteers and all the equipment there is donations of people who come and fix their bycicles.

      133946

 Would you still be a part of it?

I will be part of this organization as long as Berlin needs it. And now we found it to regonal groups in the districs of Berlin so we will be part of the transformation of Berlin as a cycling city…. So we founded the different groups of the districs of Berlin and we will be part of the change of Berlin as a cycling city directly where the change is happening.

 Does it make you feel proud?

When I think back on cycling in Berlin just now or even two years ago I imagine what It will be like in 10 years, I hope I will be proud and I hope that Berlin will have changed a lot.

 What drives you to do all of this?

I was born and raised in Berlin, my family comes from Berlin for many generations and… so Berlin is my home and everyone likes their home nice and ehm so I like to improve Berlin because this is the center of my life and my life is always happening here so… I like a nice home.

 Do you think you’ll ever leave Berlin?

I might but I’m sure I’ll always come back here.

 The Hubschrauber, it’s not part of this organisation right? - explain what hubschruber is

The hubschruber is a self-helping workshop for bycicles so you can come in and use our tools and ask questions. If you want to fix our ehm your bike it doesn’t matter if you just want to fix a flat tire or if you want to do more difficult stuff with your bike. You’ll always find someone who know all the details of the bicycle and working with the bycicle. And ofcourse you’re also welcom to just fix a flat tire.

P2:  the Hubschruber is not part of the berlin bycicle referendum but was founded 20 years ago by students *NOISEEEEE* of the rumbaud university but now still some students are working there but there’s also lost of people who have nothing to do with the university but who still volunteer there or go there regulary.

 And how did you start to volunteer there?

I went htere last year and wanted to fix my own bike after a friend told me about it and then I went there more and eh, at one point I just started working there instead of working on my own bike.

 A big part is also helping other people, is that also a big part of it for you or is it just about the bikes?

Well first of all I didn’t really like to work on bicycles, I like to ride them and be advocate of them but after but I didn’t really like to fix them but at the time came where I also started to like it *NOOISE* and now I like the mix of helping the people but also just helping them get back or get back on the bike first and by that way helping Berlin. *NOISE*

 Quote

Actually I don’t even like to ride bikes but I just think they’re superior form of transportation.

 You want to improve Berlin, why by focussing on the biking culture?

Well trafic is one of the biggest problems in Berlin, the only way out of the trafic situation right now is the bicycle because we already have a quit good public transportation, there’s lots of room to improve there but it will take many years or decades….. We already have good public transportation in Berlin but there’s still room for improvement. But all these improvements will take years or decades and it will be very costly, biking structure ont he other hand is quite cheap and can be build pretty fast. So if we want to make the trafic in Berlin better for everyone, it’s the bycicle is the only way and also looking at global climate change it’s the only way out of… also looking at climate change the bycicle is the only way to prevent it (if it’s not already to late)

 Does your volunteering influence the people around you?

People in whole Berlin are getting more aware of this topic, it was last year when we had the elections in Berlin it was one of the top priority …. Ehm … topics…. People are getting more aware of cycling and transportation in it’s whole. Last year when we had the elections in Berlin it was one of the major topics around all the parties and no party was strictly against bycicles anymore. That is a huge change from just a couple of years ago and people are getting aware of it because it’s in all the news and all the newspapers and on the tv stations and radio and… people try to take the car less and use more public transportation and byciles but… the infrastructure is still often so bad that it’s just not made for the number of bycilcs we already have on our streets and it’s also not made for every cyclist. Many people are still … not brave enough to embrace the Berlin trafic and that sould be changed because bycicling should be mmmmm….. And everybody should be able to bycicle and now that’s not the case. Because because the bicycle infrastructure is…. Lacks of so many points that just brave cyclists dare to bike the streets of Berlin.

 Quote

If I had a cargo bike with my children with them, inside, I don’t think I would bike many streets here. Just the long streets but *examples*...

 P2: Right now many people want to bike but they can’t yet because of the lack of infrastructure and we want to change that, we want to make it able to bike for everyone that wants to bike, so that the people who need the car have free streets and aren’t stuck in traffic anymore. That will improve the life of everyone. Cyclists, motorists and people using public transportation.

 In everything you say you say we not I, how do you describe it?

I would speak of myself as part of the initiative and also as our goals are my goals as well. And all these goals are… to improve Berlin as a city and as a cycling city.

 Quote

Smart and emotional? How ehm it’s like a virus that this referendum mate so there’s similar becuase for example in Bernbeck where …. Not such a big town, they started a referendum as well and are collecting the signatures. They need like 40.000 because it’s a small town and ehm sunday there is a first event of the rathenslfs Hamburg.

 More about the collectives working together?

After our successful campaigning in Berlin other cities started to move aswell. For example in Barnbeck, Munich or Hamburg there’re similar thoughts of doing such a referendum or campaigning…

After our successful campaigning in Berlin other cities started to move and started to do similar campaigning to us. For example in Barnbeck there’s also a similar referendum to ours and other cities are currently also campaigning for better cycle structure. We are ofcourse supporting them and going to these cities and helping them improve not only Berlin but other cities as well.

 Next - ghost bikes

Our organization started to put up a white ghost bikes, the day after every deadly cycling accident in Berlin. Last year we had 17 dead cyclists on the streets of Berlin that’s the most of any german city and these white ghost bikes are spread over the city and remind cars every day about ... of the fact that people are killed every day on our road s and it should be no longer accepted that these people are leaving us.

 P2: The ghost bikes remind the people who go by there every day that traffic is dangerous and you should pay attention to the road. Ofcourse for motorists but also for bicyclists.

EDIT VERSIE 1

 103153 My name is Tim, I’m 19 years old and I’m from Berlin, Germany. And I work for volksentscheid-fahrrad, the Berlin bicycle referendum.

 133946 I was born and raised in Berlin, my family comes from Berlin for many generations and… so Berlin is my home and everyone likes their home nice and ehm so I like to improve Berlin because this is the center of my life and my life is always happening here so… I like a nice home.

 103153 i want to improve Berlin as as cycling city and I want city’s rather for humans than cars.

 103153 as long as Berling is not a cycling city I will always be part of this cause to get Berlin to where it should be.

 133946 I will be part of this organization as long as Berlin needs it.

 133946 I hope I will be proud and I hope that Berlin will have changed a lot.

[meme-writer]

Prompt: You’re the last man on Earth, but you hear whispering at night.

So I’m the last man on earth.

Eh, could be worse.

I must’ve been born at the ~perfect~ time, right after the virus had been introduced into the atmosphere, but right before it started to kill everyone off.

I think I survived because of some mutation that somehow made its way into my genes. Not that I really know. My mother died when I was three, or so I heard, and my father passed when I was six.

That I remember.

Before he did, he taught me valuable life lessons. Only a few of them stuck, though. But I remember one - entertain yourself, or you’ll learn to hate life. Honestly, that’s the one that’s kept me going all these years.

In case you were wondering (whoever “you” are), I’m 17 now. I think the last human besides me died a few months ago. He was luck enough to be born with the same mutation as me, but not lucky enough to be able to go on his own for a long time. Forever, actually.

These days, I spend most of my time indoors. It’s winter, so all the food I stocked up from the summer is going to have to last me. I think it will. I’m the only one who eats it, and these canned goods have been in my emergency stock for at least a decade now, just in case.

So instead of going out, farming food like I do the other three seasons, I get to relax and spend some time on my own. I’ve gotten pretty nifty with a computer. Believe it or not, I’m self-taught. It’s getting to an impressive level, actually.

The other night, I was laying in bed, waiting for sleep to finally come, when I heard something, something whispering. I was pretty freaked out, actually. Hey, I think you would be too.

So I got up and checked around. And I found it - the source of the whispering. It was coming from my computer. I had forgotten to shut down the program I had created a while ago. What it was was an elaborate recreation of internet jokes - while the internet still existed. I had hooked it back up somehow and found these jokes - they were relics that some used to call “memes”. At the moment, I had left Rick Astley’s sound on, and these small people, singing to a mysterious ticking noise were on loop.

Well, that was a waste of energy. I  better be more careful about my energy consumption. But I think the memes just might be worth it.