#Inspired by a tweet I saw lol

[local-fire-dumpster]

Ace and the Spades pirates are on some small island in the grandline and visit a shop run by a granny who collects bounties.Her bounty collection is very impressive as it is 100+ years old.It's due to the fact that her grandfather originally started it when he was younger that it's so old.

The spades pirate browse it full of curiosity while the old lady takes the chance to ask Ace for an autograph on his bounty. (Who wouldn't take the chance afterall?)

Suddenly one of the Spades shouts that they found an old bounty of Gold Roger. Ace stiffens while everyone runs to their crewmate to see. Only Deuce remains rooted next to Ace. He knew Roger was a sore subjects afterall.

Ace didn't want to see it. He wanted nothing to do with that man but fate had other plans bc the Spades run up to him and say "look captain you look a lot like the pirate king when he was younger don't you think?".

He hates how right they are because the man in the picture may not have freckles and much richer tan than Ace himself but he clearly still looks a lot like Ace.

Ace never cared much about looks but in this exact moment he loathed his appearance with his very being.

[theminecraftbee]

i have to say it's EXTREMELY funny to watch docm77 become exactly the kind of tcg player i would have predicted he would be, lol.

[underrated-ggs]

*makes up a kpop idol collab group in my head that will never be realistic*

[ticklishfiend]

it’s so funny to me how much physical touch is NOT at ALL my love language and yet. and YET….

[maddy-ferguson]

i love that the last people heard the leftist coalition won the french legislative elections so they think we have a leftist government now lol

[blueandg0ne]

pictures that remind me of him

[journen]

Olympian Pole Vaulter Ghost au! 🤣 Was totally inspired by this tweet I saw on Twitter lol. And definitely Soap is in the stands watching his bf compete.... 🥺

[beybaldes]

Karma is the guy on AFC Richmond, coming straight home to me!

summer sleepover masterlist

roy kent × gn!famous!reader (loosely inspired by Taylor swift and Travis Kelce)

summary: “kisses with a height difference” requested by two anons <33

an: okay you can actually thank the queen of my heart @onceuponaoneshotfanfic for my sudden (although potentially one night only we’ll see if I get my uni essay done lol) return because she reposted a celebrity prompt list and it got my mind whirring oops love you tally thank you for breaking my writers (and reading) block <33

“Hot.”

One simple word had sent your 68 million instagram followers into an absolute frenzy, and half of them, you were pretty sure, didn’t even know who Roy Kent was.

“‘So nice of them to put this football player on the map?’ They do know I was famous long before you ever were, right?” You only laughed as Roy grew more frustrated, allowing him to scroll through your Twitter account while you made the both of you some breakfast.

“Hey, maybe they have a point?” You tried to stifle your laughter, knowing Roy’s eyes would be sending daggers into your back, though only for a moment so he could continue winding himself up over the things people were tweeting. “I mean Richmond tickets have now sold out for the rest of the season.”

Roy knew you were only joking. Well, kind of. The two of you had been together for just over a year now, recently celebrating your one year anniversary, but besides the odd article about each of you potentially seeing someone, no one knew you were together - let alone that you even knew each other. Keeley had been blowing up Roy’s phone since she saw the comment demanding to meet you, her favourite superstar, and you’d woken up to 37 missed calls from your dad, furious you hadn’t told him you were dating Chelsea legend Roy Kent.

Above everything, you’re still in disbelief Roy tried to hard launch your relationship in the comment section if your most recent instagram post on a random Tuesday evening.

“Hmm, and I’m sure your next tour is going to sell out 10 times faster now the world knows you’re with the great Roy Kent.” Roy had given up on reading tweets speculating about what his comment meant and if the two of you were together, instead choosing to press his bare chest agains your back, wrapping his arms around you from behind as you finished up breakfast. Fortunately you knew, Roy Kent or not, your next tour was going to sellout. Though you’d rather have Roy be by your side for it.

“Maybe if I’m lucky.” Putting down your fork, you turned in Roy’s hold to face him, standing on the very tips of your toes to press a lovingly slow kiss to his lips. Since dating Roy, you were certain early mornings were for breakfasts that take too long to cook and kisses that end too soon for your liking. Roy’s grip on you tightened and he dipped his head slightly, making the kiss as easy on you as possible. When you began to pull away, he only ducked his head further to press his lips back against yours. “Mmm, although I’d already consider myself very lucky.”

“That you are.” Roy murmured against your lips, immediately pressing them flush against yours when he’d said his piece. “And so am I.”

an: okay short and sweet but I’m hoping to get back in to writing and get up to date with my requests now that I’m settled at uni and with my new job. Missed you guys hope you all are well <33

[dr-spectre]

Splatoon - Callie 101!

I have gathered EVERY Callie analysis and ramble I've done and complied them together into one post for your viewing convenience! I go over all the different aspects relating to Callie's arc in Splatoon 2, diving deep into Hypno Callie and clearing up ALL of her misconceptions. Some of these posts are just me rambling and some of them do have overlapping information, but these posts still provide valuable and important information regarding Callie.

In the posts i go over the following:

Clearing up wrong info (She was kidnapped and brainwashed)

Pre-hypnosis

During hypnosis and her behaviour

Explaining hypnosis and it's differences compared to brainwashing

Her being flung out of hypnosis

How she remembers the Squid Sisters

Why she put the shades back on

I love this character to death and i only want the best for her, i hope more and more people come to learn about her true arc and i hope i can inspire some change in the community. Either via more people in the community saying the right terminology across social media and changing the wording from "brainwashing" to hypnosis.

PLEEEAASSEEE!!! reblog and share with others in the Splatoon community because I really do want some change and i want this wonderful character that i love to death to be treated with some more respect. Although she may not seem that important, Callie is one of the most important and significant characters in the franchise and i want more people to treat her as such, rather than some airheaded idiot.

Hearing people say the same stuff over and over again like "Oh she was kidnapped, overpowered and then brainwashed, losing all of her memories, etc." Genuinely gave me a lot of discomfort and i avoided consuming Splatoon 2 content because i was actually scared of seeing Hypno Callie and hearing those words.... That was until i actually did research and began making all of these posts that i shall link.

So here you go and i hope you learn something new about Callie Cuttlefish! (Press Keep reading to view the posts.) 

[haesunflower]

zb1 as your classmates

genre: fluff, comedy

pairing: reader (gn) x all members of zerobaseone

about/tags: what i think zb1 would be like as a classmate

friendship vibes for most, some have romance, members that are classmates with each other are specified (regardless of age), inspired by a tweet i saw here, bullet points plot, lowercase intentional

⠀⠀ kim jiwoong ⠀⠀

everyone has a crush on jiwoong

even kids from other schools have a crush on jiwoong

but he's literally known to be unattainable

he always says that he likes someone else

you guys are so lowkey that no one knows that you two are in a relationship until the end of the school year

literally, the last subject of the last day

the teacher asked him to distribute the final graded tests to everyone in the class

the only reason people find out is bc as he's handing yours to you he accidentally says "congrats on the 99 babe"

you hear everyone in the room go "baBE????"

⠀⠀ zhang hao ⠀⠀

despite his quiet nature, hao is loved by a lot of people (teachers included!)

people trust him and they don't think he's capable of spilling any secrets

your friendship starts when he overhears you gossiping about some dumb relationship drama in the library

and hao interrupts you with a "no no no, THIS is what happened"

from then on you'd spend free period talking shit about people and gossiping about the drama that's currently circulating among the teacher crowd

he texts you sometimes with a "lol i just found something out, i'll tell you at school tom"

and you're always begging him to tell you now

but he insists that he doesn't want a digital footprint of it

you respond by sending him the dancing videos he has all over the internet

"digital footprint my ass, hao"

⠀⠀ sung hanbin ⠀⠀

he wakes you up every time you fall asleep during class

he tries to do it discreetly but because he sits in front and you directly behind him, it's quite obvious what he's trying to do

ends up drawing attention to you anyways

5 out of 10 times the teacher gets mad

hanbin always makes an "oops im so sorry" face

he lends you his notes for the classes you do sleep through tho

starts bringing you coffees from his cafe

from then on you are so so so productive

hanbin jokes that your grades are thanks to him

you agree

⠀⠀ seok matthew ⠀⠀

never brings his own things to school ever

sometimes he shows up with just a water bottle

and you're like?? where are your books? your pen?

every time he needs a pencil or eraser he turns around and asks if he could borrow yours

you have gotten so used to it that you end up preparing two of everything anyways

so whenever the teacher says "pop quiz bring out a sheet of paper", you're already passing him one before he even asks

you always get a ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) from him which is "thank you" in matthew language

⠀⠀ kim taerae ⠀⠀

taerae is always humming in class

or like tapping his pencil against his desk

sometimes both

and it drives you insane

but every time you turn to your left to tell him to stfu

he kinda just smiles at you like ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

so you face front once again and mind your own business

taerae's humming ends up becoming your white noise

sometimes while studying at home, you find yourself missing it

⠀⠀ ricky ⠀⠀

he sits behind you so when he stretches his legs he sometimes accidentally kicks your chair or the things you have on the floor

you always turn around expecting him to ask you a question or smthn

but he just stares back at you in confusion??

one day you were brushing your hair during lunch break and you accidentally left your brush on his table instead of yours

you found him using it the next period before gently placing it back on your desk

he also says stuff like "you look dead today" and hands you a slightly tinted strawberry chapstick

matthew teases the both of you about your "indirect kiss" (chapstick sharing)

ricky tells him to grow up

but he's blushing lol

⠀⠀ kim gyuvin ⠀⠀

the both of you are literally always snickering

gunwook tells you guys to shut up at least 10 times a day

whenever he does that you both end up mocking his "be quiet" face

he drops things often too (calculators, books, his laptop - you name it!) and it makes a loud sound that resonates throughout the room

he also brings way too many snacks, his backpack is like 80% food and 20% school

he passes you notes when he's bored and it's usually dumb prompts like

"if you could turn all the people in this classroom into an animal, what would each person be and why?"

when you don't wanna respond he bribes you with a snack

you laugh at least once a day thanks to gyuvin

⠀⠀ park gunwook ⠀⠀

he's the class president and it's so annoying because he sits right next to you

you literally feel like you're being watched by a hawk 24/7

one time you forgot to do the homework and since there were only 2 minutes left til the bell rings, you think you're in the clear

but you see gunwook about to raise his hand and YOU JUST KNOW he's going to bring it up to the teacher

in an act of desperation you reach for his hand and hold it down chanting "gunwook no pls no pls no pls no pls" in your head

his mind short circuits and he doesn't know why you're holding his hand, but he just stares at it

that effectively distracts him until the bell rang

when class is over you remove your hands from his and go about your day

he's stuck thinking "so, what are we?" in his head

⠀⠀ han yujin ⠀⠀

most peaceful deskmate ever

when he comes back from family trips he always has a souvenir for you

you help each other with homework often too

in fact you're partners with him in just about every project

invites you over to his house to work on said projects together

his mom makes snacks for you guys

one day gyuvin tags along and is like how come there's so much food??? there's never any food when i'm here???

yujin's mom likes you the most, therefore feeds you the most

A/N: i didn't go to a high school with boys so i really don't know what it's like lol

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

✎ mobile masterlist

✉︎ request

[egophiliac]

hi!! first of all, i just wanted to say i love your art <3 i was in the twst fandom for a while and i'm currently into toku, so it's a nice surprise to see you like both! this is kinda dumb but, out of curiosity, how have you been making your ride kamens predictions? i.e. what hints are you referring to to make your guesses? i saw some jp artists making their guesses as well so i feel like i'm missing something

p.s. i also want a meteor/fourze-inspired character but that's probably not happening lol

thank you! :> glad to see there are more of us with excellent taste out there (characters being idiots = the best).

I think we're all just working off of the silhouettes? there's the ones that are in the PV, and then the full-body ones from this tweet (plus a couple of as-yet-unreleased character logos on the bottom); if there's been any other info released, I haven't seen it. so...mostly it's just speculation and wild guesses!

based on the ones we've gotten so far, it's going to be literally impossible to tell who anyone is before they're revealed, but it's still pretty fun to guess! I'm still holding out a tender hope that maybe Fourze or Meteor is hidden in there...somewhere...😔

[onlyryros]

pete wentz inspired by a tweet i saw LOL

[doubleddenden]

Okay I was just sharing a tweet I saw with my friends, right. Then I realized the background- one of the possible decorations you can set for the Blueberry Academy League Club Room, the Dark theme- could potentially be a hint towards ZA. So basically I saw a gold mine in a meme, so thanks for accidentally inspiring me :)

1. The "hag" meta is definitely in for vtubers, so that tracks for Iono lol, but 2 moving away from that, 2. Follow me into this rabbit hole and look here, friends

Besides Larry being beautiful and questioning his life, a lot of us saw the portrait and thought it could resemble Caitlin of the Unova Elite 4 and formerly princess of the Sinnoh/Johto Battle Castle- fitting since Blueberry Academy is off the coast of Unova in the case of Unova Elite 4. Some of you probably think this is old news- be patient, I'm going somewhere with this.

The resemblance is there, especially in the hair in gen 4, but the eyes are different and she's holding a Banette or Banette doll, a ghost type. It was dismissed by many to just be a creepy little girl.

Except, I think it might be a hint or teaser. And before anyone dismisses this. Take a look at these screenshots (from Nintendo Life via google)

A lot of people immediately turn to the painting of Uluru- aka the rock monolith found in Australia, and many tend to focus on that for Gen 10 hints- myself included, of course, I've wanted Pokemon Australia since I was 10. However, what if I told you that if a Z-A hint were a snake...

...It would have bitten you. That's Lumiose Tower in that one sketch, a cleverly hidden tree in a forest of brighter colored trees. There's other stuff there I wanna look at, but unfortunately the angle is purposely bad in Hassel's art room, so you can't focus on it.

So if we go back to the creepy girl in the portrait, knowing that Game Freak already planted a Z-A hint that tiny on that wall, we could possibly go a little nuts and say that maybe she's a character we meet in Z-A.

If that weren't enough- Banette has a Mega Evolution, introduced in XY. So yeah.

Anyway here's what I think: Caitlin has an ancestor that used to be royalty in Kalos, or more fittingly, part of the Lumiose Aristocracy in Z-A's fan proposed time frame of 1850s Rennovation of Paris, or so. Caitlin has psychic powers, fitting for a Psychic type user- but Ghost type trainers also have been known to exhibit supernatural abilities similar to Pokemon Psychics as well, and Caitlin is so powerful that she either had her butler run the Battle Castle for her or sleeps most of the time as an Elite 4 member to keep her powers in check. Perhaps her powers are passed down and a result of a family line of involvement with supernatural Pokemon.

The girl in the photo is either the first or just another of the family that has some kind of innate power or connection to Pokemon in this manner- in this case, ghost types.

Lumiose in XY is actually not that far from the haunted swamp and supposedly haunted house/tourist trap, so perhaps Caitlin's ancestors are losing power in the aristocracy at the time period but still retain some sway, and most importantly could be the proprieter of ghost Pokemon we'll need for the dex AND an "alpha" equivalent ghost type Pokemon.

Picture this: there's a haunted mansion to the north of Lumiose. There's some old documentation inside that will help with your goal of rebuilding Lumiose- but it's haunted. Like HAUNTED haunted. It's layout kinda large but manageable, like Luigi's Mansion in a way. Caitlin's ancestor- maybe of some partial relation to Shauntal as well- helps guide you through this mansion that's infested with ghost type Pokemon.

That's an idea anyway, which admittedly could be a stretch from just a couple of screenshots- but do keep in mind that Gamefreak hid Gmax Toxtricity in their Alolan office in Ultra Sun and Moon on a poster at a bad angle. Not to mention they probably had DeNA use Masters to tease at Volo with Cynthia's Giratina Sygna Suit. Plus the Kitakami Easter egg at Larry's own gym before SV DLC was even announced, or using the English word for Blueberry- a North American berry, instead of the Spanish words for Grape and Orange- to signify Blueberry Academy being off the coast of Unova/America.

Sometimes their hints are right in your face, sometimes cleverly hidden, sometimes it doesn't even register until it hits- so imo, I think I might be onto something here. At the very least, a haunted house in Pokemon is LONG overdue at this point- we haven't had a new one since Alola in gen 7, although that was a destroyed grocery store- the others we've had are repeats of Lavender Tower or Lost Tower and Old Chateau.

... WHICH, BTW, A chataeu... is French :) the Old Chateau- haunted by ghosts, in Sinnoh, where Caitlin was first introduced. Come to think of it, in Hisui, there isn't even a NEW Chateau yet.

So now I think it's a possibility that Caitlin's ancestors were the ones that built the Old Chateau, and possibly used blueprints from one in old Lumiose to build it in the freshly colonized lands of Sinnoh. Blueprints WE help find.

Or, as a lot of people who made it this far are probably SCREAMING at me right now- all of this is nothing and the little girl is just a generic little girl made to be creepy on purpose.

But we like to have fun here in DD's theory corner. And it'll be so hilarious if I got some of this right in the slightest.

[forsakenmissives]

inspired by @izzyspussy’s prompt. hope u dont mind?? lol also tw for mention of james tartt. yknow how it is — also im thinking this takes place around the start of the season after the show ends 💚 but also (thanks nonny!) just pretend eras tour came out 2021 and barbie came out 2022 and not. now LOL

It starts as less than a handful of Tweets. Honestly, Jamie laughs at the first one, then scrolls by and completely misses the rest. And then he sees a group of lads donning West Ham merch pointing at him while on his morning run (sans Roy, who had to bow out due to a cold, the dick . . . Jamie's planning on picking him up breakfast) and whispering — but not quiet enough — that the Barbie has escaped his box. The Tweets (and comments and replies and DMs) appear more frequently after that.

The pictures of him in his pink tracksuit, tied to Roy’s bike, are passed around again. This time not by his loyal fans who begged for proper HD pics from him and thought he looked good as hell, but by the ones who call him Barbie and think his hair is blond and dumb and that he is just a dumb blond who isn’t even that good at football. At least that last bit could be easily refuted by his stats. He’s damn good at his job, and he knows it.

He doesn’t say anything about it, however, until they’re in the locker room after training, and Isaac huffs at something while looking at his phone. Jamie glances over to see him angling the screen toward him. “They’re callin’ you Barbie, bruv.”

Isaac is a really good friend, like, the best a guy could ask for. But Jamie kind of doesn’t want to think about this. “Yeah, I saw. It’s a compliment, innit? And kind of fittin’. I’m perfect, I’m everything. I am Barbie, ain’t I?”

At his easy dismissal, Isaac brightens up, grinning, and Jamie grins back. He finds the Tweet he was shown and posts a good selfie he took a few days ago, captioning it, I am everything. You wanna be Ken? It’s a bit stupid, but the insult is stupid too, so he thinks he’s allowed it.

The thing is — he wants to be unbothered by the nickname. The Barbie movie was fucking awesome, and though he’s still on thin ice with Keeley, even after their strictly-business trip to Brazil, they put aside their differences . . . that is, they put aside Jamie’s fuck-up to go and watch one of the screenings together. Yeah. It was fucking awesome. And he loves women. Like, major respect.

But the condemnations of the word are a knife’s edge away from a whiskey-tinged voice hissing soft and little bitch in his ear, and Jamie really can’t fucking deal with that right now. And he had gone and seen James in rehab, just for a couple hours, and he doesn’t regret going and seeing him, and he actually thinks it’s fucking mint the man’s getting help. He even enjoyed going through the old photos of his grandparents and James as a baby and even some of his own photos, when his mum looked a little less tired and he wasn’t afraid to smile too brightly. And in rehab, James is given limited Internet time, so the chances of him seeing the insults, seeing Jamie being called a girls’ toy, something pretty and pink, are small, and even if he does see, what can he do? They won’t just let him leave while obviously on some rampage.

It’s not like Jamie plans on going back to the man any time soon anyway. He’s not James Tartt’s anything. They just share a name. So what?

Jamie jumps at the touch of a hand on his shoulder. He pockets his phone (his Quote Tweet is now at twenty thousand likes and counting), and when he turns, it’s Roy, staring at him with those impossibly dark eyes and wild brows that make them even darker.

“Hi, coach,” he says with a grin.

Roy grunts back.

Jamie stays still for another second before blinking. “Got any wisdom for me?”

The other guys have begun to clear out, and now it’s just them and Beard still in the coaches’ office. And Will, who seems to be some metaphor for God, the way he’s always around, not even lurking, just . . . around.

Finally, Roy says, “Good pass. Don’t be late tomorrow.”

It’s so unbearably Roy that it makes Jamie sick. It also suggests there’s more he’s not saying, but Jamie isn’t sure what. He doesn’t push, however, just salutes him. “‘Course, coach,” he leans back on his heels, “dark and early, yeah?”

Roy nods, then pivots and mechanically goes back to the office. Jamie watches him go before turning and gathering his things. As he packs, he can practically feel Roy’s eyes on his back, but he knows when he turns, both him and Beard will be staring down at things on their desks. Whatever.

Jamie doesn’t run into anyone on his way out, and he’s grateful, taking a breath when he gets in his car then speeding off. He feels itchy under his skin, like when his foot falls asleep but the sensation is all over his body, and he kind of regrets leaving Nelson Road because he thinks running a few extra laps up and down the pitch would soothe him, if only a little bit. Despite this, when he gets home, he just gets out of his car and goes inside. It’s not that he’s worried about a repeat of his solo jog that one morning. It’s just really hot outside, what with it being late July and all, and he just showered, like, thirty minutes ago.

Every time a notification goes off on his phone, his stomach flips in a really awful way. Jamie turns off his phone.

Maybe now that he’s said something, it’ll die down. Since he’s made it clear he’s not bothered by it, that he can take whatever they give, they’ll stop.

And then, the first match of the season, Jamie walks onto the pitch, and a familiar song starts up. It’s not his song — but it’s certainly for him.

“Are they singing . . . ‘Barbie Girl’?” Colin asks from behind him.

“And changing the pronoun to ‘he’,” Jan adds, helpful as ever.

Jamie catches sight of one of the cameras recording the match, grins and sticks out his tongue, and when he looks to the opposing fans’ side, he even gives a little bow. Just for them. He thinks about something Lasso said to him once about bullying, after he stopped being a dick to Nate and asked why Ted never stepped in. Acknowledging it almost always makes it worse. Sorry that Jamie had believed in the ‘almost’.

;

After getting booted from Keeley’s and after a dinner at a kebab place that Jamie knows is good because Roy didn’t actually make him sit and watch — he picked bits of lamb from the skewer and placed them on the napkin i​​n front of Jamie without a word — it’s not unusual for him and Roy to get dinner together. Sometimes it’s just them at Roy’s, who’s a better cook than his mum but not better than Simon, and sometimes it’ll be at a pub, and sometimes they’ll go to a restaurant. It was with ruddy cheeks that Roy admitted the kebab shop was like his church, but Jamie wasn’t judging. He thinks he understood the ecstasy of St Theresa after a bite of that lamb.

Tonight, however, Roy drops Jamie off at his place, and then parks the car and follows him in.

“Uh,” Jamie says when Roy stands in the entryway, a hand behind his back, posture stiff, “can I help you?”

“Go to your room,” Roy replies, and Jamie’s eyes go wide, and he says, “O-kay, Daddy,” before he backtracks, but Roy is backtracking too. “I mean, go somewhere that isn’t behind me or the kitchen.”

Jamie’s mouth drops into an ‘o’. “Right. Okay. I’ll just go to the living room, then.”

Roy nods, and Jamie walks slowly to the couch, backwards so he can watch Roy watching him.

He manages to sit still on his couch for a good two minutes, listening to Roy clattering about his kitchen, before he hops up and goes to sit at his dining table instead. It’s there that he sees a paper bag, and it takes everything in him not to peek into it. At the sound of the chair scraping against the floor, Roy leans back from where he’d had his head stuck in Jamie’s fridge, and he turns to look back at Jamie, who smiles innocently at him. He even waggles his fingers in a wave for good measure.

Roy rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, so Jamie thinks it’s fine, and he doesn’t think about how good it feels to be the one behind Roy Kent’s smile. Roy goes back to rummaging through the fridge.

Eventually, Jamie gets roped into helping out, but all his complaints are customary, and he thinks if he had allowed himself — if he had been allowed — to dream about domesticity, this is exactly how it would’ve been. Right down to the celebrity footballer. It’s kind of perfect.

Then, Jamie’s phone goes off.

It’s his news app, which he keeps forgetting to turn off the notifications for, and it irritates him every time, but especially when he actually clicks the notification ‘cause the story looks interesting, only to find out he’s somehow already used up his articles for the month, and would he please be willing to spare a few pounds every month for more? In theory, yes, he is willing. In practice . . . he has other places to put his money.

That being said, the irritation he feels then is nothing compared to the humiliation he feels now, reading the headline: This Barbie is a Footballer: AFC Richmond Jamie Tartt’s new song.

Roy is turned the other way, so luckily, he can’t see the way Jamie’s smile immediately drops from his face. This shit isn’t even important! It’s just some stupid fan war mess, the opponents’ fans trying to get in his head, and it’s not fucking working, alright? He doesn’t care. He’s just embarrassed that it’s apparently made the news. It’s really not a big deal.

When he looks up from his phone, Roy is looking at him. Jamie swallows.

“It’s nothin’,” he tells him. “Just some politician, saying some stupid thing. Sam sent it to me to rant.”

Roy nods, but he looks like he doesn’t believe him. Jamie’s voice had wavered in the middle, so he doesn’t believe himself either. But he still doesn’t budge, just leans back against the counter and waits for Roy to either turn away or say something in return. Roy turns away. Over his shoulder, he says, “I have something for you after we eat.”

“Whatever’s in the bag?” Jamie asks. Roy grunts. “Is it concert tickets? Am I goin’ to see Taylor fucking Swift? The bag’s just to throw me off, obviously.”

“Fuck no,” Roy’s response is, pun intended, swift and immediate. Jamie grins. “You’ll see later. Just . . . wait.”

Jamie groans. “Fine. But it better be good, since you got me all excited for the concert.”

Roy gives him a stern glare. Jamie puts his hands up, then gets back to washing the dishes they’re done using.

All throughout their meal, Jamie struggles to sit still, and his eyes, without fail, return to the bag. It becomes enough of a problem that Roy takes the bag and hides it in his lap, but Jamie’s no coward, so his gaze still wanders to — well.

“The quicker you finish eating, the sooner you get to see it,” Roy growls out around his own mouthful of salmon and quinoa (Jamie was surprised he had those things in his freezer and cupboard too, but it made a damn good meal, so he’s not complaining).

Jamie grows a lot more focussed after that, and he’s done within minutes — nay, seconds. Roy raises his eyebrows in approval. Jamie licks the leftover glaze for the salmon off his fork for good measure. Roy looks down at his plate.

Once Roy finishes eating, the paper bag makes its triumphant return, Roy setting it between them. He nods his head at it, and Jamie takes it quickly, before the other can change his mind and take it back.

He doesn’t expect what he pulls out, but he feels like he should. He looks between the Barbie and Roy, who’s staring at Jamie with a gaze so intense Jamie worries he might burn up from it. If this had been bestowed to him any time the year before, especially from Roy, he’d think it a continuation of the insult. But all he feels right now is laughter, the weight in his stomach turning into something bubbly and light that works its way up his throat and past his lips. Slowly — because he’s out of practice, the old fart — Roy begins to smile back.

The stupid fucking made-to-move soccer Barbie is even wearing an England kit, and when Jamie turns her around, he grins at the number and name on the back.

“You fucking dick,” he says, the words coming out as a hiss through his teeth, that’s how hard he’s grinning.

“You’re Jamie fucking Tartt,” Roy replies, and Jamie wishes he had a word to describe the look the other was sending him, but the best he can do is say how it makes him feel — really fucking good; like nothing could ever hurt him; like there is no one else in the world but the two of them; like he could go win the World Cup, the FA Cup, all the Leagues, every award in the football world, and not break a single sweat. It makes him feel a lot like he’s in love.

Roy’s not done: “You are everything. Who gives a shit if some pricks call you Barbie? You fucking own it, Jamie. You are every-fucking-thing, and they’re not even Ken.”

And Jamie will make fun of him for it later, that he’s more than aware of the movie’s tagline, but at the moment, he’s clutching the Barbie to his chest like a lifeline, and he feels a sting behind his eyes, like tears are threatening to spill, and his cheeks hurt with how hard he’s smiling.

Roy clears his throat. “Phoebe said there are ways you can change the hair, but . . . don’t use heat. It’s plastic. You can cut it or dye it fucking . . . walnut haze or whatever.”

Jamie doesn’t even correct him that it’s walnut mist. He’s close enough.

He gives the doll one last squeeze. “Thanks, Roy, I mean it.”

Roy doesn’t reply, just gives a grunt and nods his head. That’s alright too. Jamie looks down at the doll again, then leans back in his seat. He holds it up to his face, angles her head so they’re cheek-to-cheek more or less.

“Like twins, ain’t we?”

And Jamie wonders if maybe there were something in the food, or maybe in their drinks, because it seems like Roy can’t stop smiling either.

;

The opposing fans are at it again. Jamie sees Roy glance back at him and grins. He considers mouthing all good, coach, but he’s more interested in using one arm to wave and the other to hold his Barbie up the same way he had when it was just him and Roy, teeth bared all the while. The crowd goes wild, of course.

He’s Jamie fucking Tartt. He’s everything. Of course no one is going to think of him as just Ken — that’s just ridiculous.

in case you can’t tell “condemnations” is supposed to be “connotations”. ily jamieisms 💚 also i wrote this rly fast on my phone so sorry & now on ao3 if u'd prefer to read it there ✌️