#In three weeks she'll offer to die for them all

[stardustedknuckles]

Things you realize on a third rewatch: Beau is the first member of the Mighty Nein to say "I love you" to another member of the Nein, and that member was in fact Caleb. Did she say it in passing? Kind of. Did she say it pre-bowlgate, at a time when they weren't even done hissing at each other yet? Yes. Does she possess the bleeding heart everyone can see from thirty paces except for her? Absolutely.

(Caleb is the first to say it altogether, but he is talking to his spirit cat in all fairness. Still. The first two "I love yous" in this campaign are from the two people who are affected the most by the new family they've made and who champion it the hardest. And that's something.)

[adventuringblind]

Attitude

Max Verstappen x Charles Leclerc x Reader

Genre: smut 😈

Request: Yes. No comment.

Summary: Charles is pent up and needs to do something with it. The reader needs Max to come help her with him.

Warnings: spanking, choking, subspace, lots of dirty talk, praise, degradation, anal, oral (both receiving), daddy kink

Notes: a lestappen sandwich?!

Masterlist

If you looked at the trio, the first words in your head would be ridiculous. It's unconventional. It shouldn't work. All the dumb stuff that people say that only makes all three of them smile and laugh about it later.

It works for them. They all love each other. Their dynamic is not anyone else's business. The more interesting part is how they all fit together in their own little world.

Max is the most outgoing and protective. He's aggressive, but he's also incredibly sweet. She blames his daddy issues for his want (need?) to be in control of things. This also goes for sex. He's good at it, too. He just has a way of working tactically that makes her shiver at the thought.

On the opposite side, she is quiet and gentle. Christian lets her follow Max around like a lost puppy some days if he's in a mood. Why? Mad Max can't make an appearance if she's holding his hand. Don't get her wrong, she would bitch slap somebody if she needed too. But for the most part, she'll simply do as told.

Then there's Charles. He is the lovely gray area between them. The Monegasque isn't assertive for himself, but if it comes to the other two, then he's willing to commit war crimes (at least that's how it feels). He's Max's source of understanding with driving, and he takes care of the female when people are asking too much of her.

He is also a switch, interestingly enough. He will, and has, tired every role. Some days, he prefers to tag team her with Max, others he prefers to just take what Max gives. It depends on his mood, and it always makes for interesting nightly (all times of day, really) activities.

One thing about Charles is that he has separation anxiety. If her and Max are away from him for too long, then his temper starts to flair. Not in a bad way, his mind just wanders to every possibility of what could go wrong.

The difference is, when she's the one that gone Max can take of him. The Dutch can get him to subdrop in thirty seconds (give or take). It makes him feel better, makes him forget. It's almost like a reset button.

When Max is gone, it's much harder. She's tried. She's tried too hard to get him to drop. Make an attempt at playing into Max's usual role. But she can't figure it out for the life of her. Whether she's too gentle or doesn't say the right things, she has no idea.

Max and Charles have told her ample times that it's not her responsibility. Yet the little voice in her head screams at her to make it better.

That's probably the reason she's letting Charles bruise her.

Max had to fly back to England during the winter break for a couple of weeks. Charles, as per usual, was getting frustrated by day three of no Max. She cuddled him, made him food, and watched movies. She once again tried to help him sexually, but the pent-up anxiety and frustration just kept coming, and she was starting to lose faith in herself.

Halfway through the second week, she'd called Max half sobbing. She felt clueless on what to do. Not even Lando, with all of his anxiety soothing tactics, were helping. He'd reassured her it would work out fine, that Charles says things when he's anxious, but none of it is true (the biggest being Max is going to die).

Then, she decided to switch tactics. Sue called Christian and pleaded with him to send Max home early because both her and Charles are sick (ly in need of his sexual assistance). Christian relented cause he owed her a favor anyway, and Max was to be home late that evening.

What she was not expecting was for Charles to slam her against the wall. It took her off guard when he started begging to use her body. She complied, offering herself up like a Christmas present with a bow on top for him to unwrap. It's nothing new for her. Being manhandled and fucked into next year.

But this is Charles. Her gentle Charles. Eyes dilated with lust and hands litterally ripping her clothes off. Her Charles that takes at least ten minutes to communicate, getting straight into it. Charles who lays light kisses to her most sensitive areas, now biting and sucking like he's a starving vampire.

In reality, this was not her plan. Max was going to come home and give Charles what he actually needs that she can't provide.

"Fuck chéri, you really are a slut." He slaps her clit and it drags a whine out of her. "A dirty whore, gonna let me use you? Hmm?"

She nods her head vigorously. Her head felt foggy a few minutes ago, but now she's just gone. Mind desperate to please and give what he needs. Let him take every piece of her that he so desires.

First, he takes her mouth. Her head hanging upsidedown off the bed. His cock hitting the back of her throat consistently, angrily. She's choking, crying, and finding it difficult to breathe. He still took care of keeping her hands on him so she could tap out, but she wasn't going to. Her mind repeats the same words over and over again.

Finally, his hips stutter, and he's trying to keep himself upright. It's sticky down the back of her throat, but she could care less. Charles is moaning and panting, and it satisfies that need in her head to please him.

But it's not enough. She doesn't get time to recover. Charles drags her by the knees back onto the bed fully. He pins her waist down with one hand and shoves her legs open with the other. A sharp stinging sensation is laid to the insides of her thighs. She screams in surprise but he doesn't relent.

"Such a good toy. Are you going to be a good slut for me and and let me spank you?" She cries as her thighs touch when she rolls over for him. She whines out a little 'yes sir' and braces for his hand to meet her skin.

"Count and say thank you."

Something in her mind snaps. Is she being punished? Or is she being used? Cause in her mind those are two different thing.

Slap.

"One... thank you sir."

He's not like Max at all. Her head is too fuzzy to really remember things, but she's certain Max always clarifies.

Slap.

"Two... thank you sir."

She's not sure she's going to make it through however many he plans on. So she just takes it.

Slap.

"Ten... thank you sir."

She aches in every are. She wants to please. She needs to please. It is her purpose.

Slap.

"Sixteen... thank you sir."

Her words are slurred. She can't talk. Her mouth feels impossibly dry. Her tears have soaked into the sheets beneath her.

She sobs as Charles flips her again. There is a small part of her that thinks if he keeps manhandling her like this, she might finish without doing anything else. It's not going to take much with how close she is already.

Once again, her legs are spread. His hands grip her waist. Then he sheaths himself inside of her. There is no pause, simply pace. It's relentless and has her wailing.

Then nothing.

It's like time freezes. There is no movement. Charles has even stopped breathing.

She pulls her eyes open. The sight of Max, his grip halting every movement Charles can make, meets her eyes like he's an angel sent to fix this.

"Did you really think you could dom our girl, Charlie? You can't even take care of yourself." Max forces Charles to really look at her. The damage he'd done to her body as clear as day. "Do you see what you've done? What were you trying to achieve here?"

She can actively feel Charles melting. She can see his eyes getting glassy. They probably match now. If she were coherent, she would be upset that Max managed to make him drop with a couple of sentences. For now, she'll stick to not thinking and writhing around in pain.

She suddenly feels empty without Charles in her. Max had pulled him out of her. "Knees. On the floor. Hands behind your back." Max's demanding tone makes her feel all warm and fuzzy.

His calloused fingers dance across her beat thighs. She hisses at the sting but doesn't flinch away. "Who do you need right now, schat? Do you want me to be sir and keep being rough? Do you want me to be daddy and give you something soft?"

She feels stupid just staring at him in awe. Her mind is not able to fathom how good-looking he is. She curses her brain. She thought the same thing as Charles was using her for everything she had.

"Come on love. I need you to stay with me. Need you to tell me your colors."

"Green, Daddy. Mm green. I tried to help..." it comes out a slurred mumble, and she hopes he can understand her.

"Daddy's gonna take care of you now, yeah? Have you cum yet?" She shakes her head no and goes back memorizing his face.

Max moves away from her, and she whines at the loss of contact. She can only watch as Max gets a hold of Charles' thick brown locks. The Monegasque moans at the force.

Max brings him to his feet and again forces his gaze onto her. "She hasn't even finished yet, Charles. If you want me to fuck you out of this mood then you're going to fix your mess first."

She's shocked at how easily Max maneuvers Charles into position. There is no hesitation for Max to shove his tongue into her core.

Fuck does she whine. She moans. She writhes. She wails as his tongue swirls around her clit.

Her hands find his hair, which only amplifies his moans. Max is behind him, working him open for whatever he has planned. She assumes, based on the level of moans and pants, that Max is touching his prostate in very clinical ways.

Finally, she's asking for it. Begging for her release that she has waited for, been used for.

"Cum for me. Let Charles taste all of you."

The pleasure she'd been dipping her toes in is now swallowing her whole. Her body spasms and her muscles contract. Charles has to keep her knees apart so her can help elongate her high.

She can barely breathe when her body settles. Sweat drips down her face along with another set of tears. Charles also lies flat, staring up at her like a puppy who's gotten in trouble. Which isn't to far from the truth, she thinks.

"Colors?"

A course of breathy "green" echoes through the room. Max then moves to the side of her. He kisses her skin. He tells her how good she is. Then he immediately goes back to situating their bodies.

"Okay, Charlie, I'm going to give you what you want. I'm going to fix this attitude problem." They end up in a position that is less fun for Charles, easy for her (despite the weight at times) and very fun for Max.

Every movment brings Charles more stimulation. Max moves his hips back and forth. In and out of both simultaneously. He is taking Max from behind while she lets him stretch her once again.

She's already to far gone to really notice everything that's happening. However. Charles is looking at her like she's the most amazing creature he's ever beheld.

"Apoligize to her, and maybe I'll let you move faster."

Charles begins dripping in apologies. "I'm so sorry, amour. I wasn't being careful. Just wanted to feel good. Please- fuck- I'm so sorry."

"S'okay, Charlie." Is what she manages. Though she's sure it isn't coherent.

Max picks up the speed. This time, praising them both. It's dirty and relentless. The words leaving his mouth are filthy to most, but to her, they create a sense of pride.

"My good sluts. Taking what I give you."

Charles is begging for it. She would be too if Max hadn't told her she didn't have to ask. To which she realizes it's probably not helping the Monegasque to have cum around him multiple times now.

Finally, Max relents. Charles collapses into a writhing spasming mess. Max's hands are all over his body, dragging the high out as much as he can.

Then they are curled up together. No sexual intent, just cuddles. Max In between the two, stroking hair and backs.

He didn't want to try and bathe them or start icing mucles and bruises so far into the head space. So he settles for kisses and sweet words instead.

"Mm sorry for being to hot headed."

"You don't have to be sorry for your emotions, Charles. But you also need to be in a good headspace if you're going to dom like that." Max turns and kisses his cheek. "I am glad your feeling better."

Max glances the other direction when he hears light snores coming from the female.

"Do you think she'll still trust me?"

"If she didn't trust you, then she wouldn't have continued. Just make nit to try that again for a while. I didn't think you had it in you to try that."

"I didn't either, to be honest."

"Next time, maybe I'll let you do that to me." Max laughs, mostly because he knows it would take a lot to get him to the point of wanting that.

Charles simply gives him a terrible wink as if to signify that he'll be holding him to that.

[icarusflewsworld]

Rhysand & Cassian & Azriel X OC

Hello, here is the chapter 19 of a fanfiction on the world of Acotar where our three favorite Batboys are the mates of a single woman.

I hope you enjoyed reading and had a good time!!!

Since it's Christmas next week, the next chapter or maybe the next chapters will be posted in a week. On Friday, December 27th.

So I wish you an excellent day and a good weekend. But above all I wish you a very very very merry Christmas with lots and beautiful presents under the your Christmas tree. I hope you are happy. With all my love, ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

! Don't forget to read the other chapters ! : Here

Enjoy the read ! ❤️❤️❤️

Chapter 19 

Azriel's leg bounced nervously up and down and his fists were clenched on his thighs. Despite the fact that he was sitting on the living-room sofa, his back was straight, contracted all over. He stared at his lord in awe, "You're not seriously considering this, Rhys?" He'd thought he was hallucinating when his brother had offered to take Luxiana to the Weaver to retrieve her mother's ring. He'd thought he was hallucinating when his brother had proposed taking his little, smiling, sunny, weak and fragile mate to steal from a creature as powerful, crazy, cruel and dangerous as the Weaver. "It's far too dangerous! She's only human!"

Rhysand sighed again. He had crossed his arms. He was trying to stand up straight and look confident as his two brothers stared at him in horror. "Precisely, as she has no magic, the Weaver won't feel her. She'll just have to be as quiet as possible." He'd given it a lot of thought last night. His mother had left his engagement ring with the Weaver for several reasons: so that he wouldn't misuse it, and to make sure that the woman he wanted to marry was strong enough. His mother had explained to him that becoming the wife of a high lord was dangerous, and that the person he wished to marry would have to be at least cunning and courageous enough to steal his ring from the Weaver. Even so, he couldn't quell the huge ball of anguish clenching his stomach violently. He knew Azriel was right. It was so dangerous and he was so afraid for his mate. 

"And if she detects her, what are we going to do, eh, Rhys?" spat Azriel, rising from the sofa abruptly. He could feel that his eyes were wide open and he could well imagine them injecting with blood. He wanted to make his brother eat the floor. How could he contemplate putting their soul mate in such danger over a stupid ring? He held back from staring at his lord with a grimace of disgust. He didn't deserve Luxiana. 

Cassian was on the other sofa. He had his neck bent back and a thinking gaze on the ceiling. He was thinking. His two brothers were right. He didn't like knowing his mate was in danger, but he knew Rhysand's mother would have wanted Luxiana to be able to get through this. Especially when she was linked to the three of them. He wanted so much to respect the woman who had saved him from cold and starvation, but at the same time, he was terrified that his cute little human would end up hurt. Or worse. But he also knew she was resourceful and could survive. In any case, he wouldn't let anything happen to her, even if he had to die under the power of the weaver, he'd get his future wife to safety first. "Then we'll go get her and protect her," he asserted to Az, straightening his head to stare at the Illyrian with the blue siphons.

Azriel turned towards Cassian to widen his eyes. "Because you're okay with this???" he shouted through clenched teeth. He felt like he'd been plunged into water so cold he couldn't breathe. He was tetanized by the hatred he felt for his brothers.  

"Cass is right, there's no reason for her to get hurt, we'll prevent that from happening," Rhysand added in a calm voice he didn't even know how he managed to have, while inside he was as anxious and trembling as Azriel. 

"What if we don't make it in time??" The spy master gesticulated in all directions. "Need I to remind you who the Weaver is? She's considered a goddess because she's so powerful! Far more powerful than the three of us put together, Rhys. She's protected by laws and a high lord isn't allowed near her. Whatever happens, it will only get us into trouble. And I don't want any of that trouble to be my soul mate being injured!"

Rhysand let all his air go as he dropped onto one of the sofas. He knew he'd break every law to keep his soulmate from getting hurt, and that he'd take the consequences without flinching. But he also knew that Azriel was not wrong and that many things could go wrong. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. He stayed like that for a moment, hating himself with every fiber of his being. He hated himself. He'd never get over it if Luxiana was hurt because of him. The Weaver was so powerful that anything could happen to Luxiana before he could reach her and teleport her away. But at the same time, all Luxiana had to do was to go in, steal the ring and come out all silent. The Weaver was blind, she wouldn't even know she was there.

He dropped his forearms to his thighs to stare at Azriel with a worried but sad look on his face. "I believe in fate and I'm convinced that my mother knew what she was doing. I'm convinced that she subconsciously knew that the three of us would share the same soul mate and that's why she adopted you. I'm convinced she suspected that our soul mate would be able to get that ring back. She wouldn't have left it there otherwise."

"Rhys, do you hear yourself?" shouted Azriel, flabbergasted. "Your mother wasn't a prophet! You want to risk our soulmate’s life for a stupid ring!"

Rhysand gritted his teeth and lowered his eyes.

Cassian leapt to his feet, anger pulsing through his veins all at once. "Be careful how you talk. She saved us. We owe her respect. And anyway, I told you, I wouldn't let our mate die."

Azriel glared at him. How dare he think he didn't respect Rhys's mother when he considered her his own. But he could believe whatever he wanted. The important thing now was his Luxiana. "What if she's hurt? Can you imagine her in pain? Can you bear the thought of her suffering, even for a second? I can't. I can't! It would destroy me to know she's in pain, even if it's just a scratch! And you too, for God's sake. Even ignoring the fact that she's our soul mate, we're Illyrians, it's in our fucking genes. It would kill us to see her hurt!" He grunted, trying to calm himself but failing. He turned to his lord to speak more calmly. "Rhys, you know I loved your mother, but there's no way she could have known our soul mate was human and fragile. She certainly wouldn't have left that ring there otherwise."

A heavy silence settled over them, pressing down on their chests. Azriel couldn't breathe, but he didn't even realize it, too absorbed in killing his two brothers with his eyes. Cassian looked doubtfully between Rhysand and Azriel. They were both right, and he was lost. He didn't know what to do or think. Rhysand was staring into space. He felt so bad. So guilty for having suggested this. He'd never get over it if Luxiana was hurt because of him. 

"Maybe we're getting in over our heads," Cassian finally says, forcing his two brothers to turn questioning irises on him. "Let's just tell her the idea and the risks and leave it at that. It's her choice, after all."

Azriel rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Haven't you figured out who she is yet? I mean, she's bound to want to. She doesn't seem to give a damn about putting her life in danger. It's up to us to stop her, but you don't seem to have figured that out yet."

Rhysand cleared his throat so as not to look as bad as he felt. "Maybe, but anyway, if we don't keep her busy, she's going to want us to go and get the book of breathing so she can get back to Feyre as soon as possible. At least this way, we keep her with us a little longer."

Azriel closed his eyes fiercely, his nostrils swelling. He couldn't believe his ears. None of them deserved Luxiana. And worst of all, he didn't stand a chance against them. They were two against him. 

"Let's go wake her up and talk to her about it," Cassian breathed as he rose to his feet. "We'll see what happens and what she says."

Rhysand nodded, stood up and set off. Azriel reluctantly followed his two brothers. They walked in a heavy silence. Azriel gritted his teeth so hard his skull ached. His gait was stiff. Rhysand walked swiftly with an air of determination, but it was mainly to get there as quickly as possible before ducking out. He felt like throwing up. Cassian could feel a mixture of similar emotions running through his veins. He felt everything his brothers felt. He was lost. He moved forward with folded arms.

They arrived in front of Luxiana's room. Rhysand's almost trembling hand rose to knock on the door, and they waited there, restraining themselves from running away. The door opened slowly, revealing their soul mate. And when they discovered her - in a white silk nightie reaching halfway up her thighs, with what seemed to be the remains of a bun around her tangled hair that went in all directions, with a face marked by the folds of the sheets as she looked at them with half-closed eyes - nothing else mattered. Nothing else mattered to the three Illyrians but her. 

"Hum?" she groaned, squinting a little more. She glanced at the morning sunlight seeping through her bay window before shifting her pupils to the three Illyrians. What time was it? What were they doing there? God, they were so sexy. She wasn't used to this kind of vision as soon as she woke up, but she liked the idea. She rubbed both eyelids with her fists. She rested her irises on the three Illyrians in front of her, whom she suddenly found abnormally white. "Is everything all right? What's going on?" She cleared her throat, but her voice was still raspy.

Cassian couldn't help but laugh tenderly, almost mockingly, as he detailed her. Her pupils sparkled so brightly he could feel them. He stared down at her hungrily. She was so sexy like that. The desire awakening inside him heated him up completely. God, he wanted to kiss every inch of her legs.

Fireworks exploded in Azriel's chest, spreading through his whole body to tickle him. His arm muscles burned, he wanted to hug her. His fingers stung, he wanted to touch her. He moistened his dry lips, he wanted to kiss her. How could anyone be so cute? His soul mate was the sweetest woman who'd ever walked this earth. There was no way he was going to let Rhysand put her in danger.

Rhysand's heart missed a long beat. A very long one. So long that he felt like falling, forcing him to take a step back to catch himself. He wanted to see this every morning. He just wanted to spend his life with this woman. His whole life. But she was only human. It would be so short. He had to preserve her to keep her alive as long as possible. Anyway, he couldn't even imagine hurting her. "Nothing," he finally breathed, smiling.

Cassian and Azriel turned a shocked, questioning gaze towards him. Rhysand took another step backwards, paying no attention to his brothers. "Nothing at all," he added in the same way. He took a deep breath, relieved. It was safer this way. "Sorry to have bothered you." Unable to restrain himself, he raised his hand to gently caress the angle of his soulmate's jaw with his fingertips. It had only lasted a second before his arm fell back, but he'd been electrocuted through and through. He took another step backwards.

"But Rhys...," Cassian began in their heads with total incomprehension and glancing at Azriel who was in the same state.

"Az was right, I'm an asshole," he replied telepathically. "How could I even think for a second about putting our soul mate in danger. Look at her. It's out of the question. I don't want to risk it," he turned to start walking away from the room. He cursed himself. How could he have considered taking such a risk?

Azriel took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. His brother had come to his senses. He wasn't so bad after all. He returned his gaze to Luxiana, who detailed them with a curious, tilted head. He smiled tenderly. She was so adorable. "Go back to bed." He reached for the handle to close the door, but Luxiana shook her head at the sight of him. 

She slipped through the room's narrowing opening to chase Rhys, grabbing him by the sleeve of his black jacket. The lord stopped abruptly to turn back to her with wide-open eyelids. "Why are you here?" the blonde insisted.

Rhysand took a breath to speak, but Luxiana interrupted him by crossing her arms with a stern look. "And don't tell me it's nothing. There's got to be a reason." She suspected he hadn't just come to wake her up, he would have told her otherwise. No, something had happened and she was determined to find out what.

Cassian leaned against the wall beside him, quietly watching the scene unfold before him. He smiled, knowing that Luxiana was about to martyr his two brothers.

Rhysand looked at her tenderly, he couldn't help it. She was so stubborn and reckless. He couldn't lie to her and anyway, he had no other explanation coming to him. "We...," he searched for his words as he lowered his eyes, feeling ashamed. "I wanted to take you somewhere but it's too dangerous after all. I've changed my mind." 

Luxiana frowned so hard that it distorted her whole face. She squinted. "Go where?" Then she smirked, "if it's dangerous, I'm in!"

Azriel looked up at the ceiling before casting a reproving look at his soulmate. "Of course," he growled. "That's why we're not going. You're too reckless."

"It doesn't matter anymore, anyway," Rhysand added, shaking his hand toward his brother. "We're not going, that's decided." 

Luxiana made a disappointed, whimsical pout. "If you don't want to go because I'd be in danger, don't you think that's for me to decide?" 

"That's exactly what I said," Cassian smiled proudly.

"Owwwn," moaned the blonde, turning to Cassian with a tender look on her face. "I knew it, you're the cutest of the three."

Cassian smiled with all his teeth as he puffed out his chest, but Azriel and Rhysand glowered at him. 

Luxiana turned back to Rhysand with determination and a little anger. At least, that's what she was trying to let on, because she wasn't really angry. She thought all three of them were cute. "Besides, I don't see why you're worried about me. It can't be that dangerous."

"It is," Azriel articulated, crossing his arms.

"That's for me to decide," she glanced sideways at the master spy before refocusing on the lord. "Where did you want to take me?" 

Rhysand, unsure of what to do, glanced at Cassian, who nodded in encouragement, then set his pupils on Azriel, who shook his head from left to right to dissuade him. The lord huffed. “We wanted to take you to see a creature called the Weaver. She's a fae who.... "

"Oh Stryga!?" she exclaimed, interrupting him with a big smile. "Yes, I know," she nodded, waving her hand in the air to urge Rhysand to abbreviate his explanation and resume.

The three Illyrians frowned, casting confused glances at each other. "What do you mean you know?" asked Azriel, staring at her from the side. Cassian straightened up to walk over to Rhysand and get a good look at his soulmate's face.

Luxiana looked up, opening her mouth several times in search of her words. She held back a grimace. She had spoken too fast again, without even thinking about what she was saying. She needed to collect herself now. "I read a lot of books," she shrugged, throwing the shadowsinger a smile, it wasn't a lie after all. "Stryga is the super-powered fae from another dimension exiled to the forest hundreds of years ago, blah, blah, blah, I know my stuff. So what did you want me to do? You wanted me to kill her?"

The three Illyrians raised their eyebrows in surprise, blinking several times at this unexpected statement. But although they found it strange, they didn't suspect it was a lie. In any case, there was no way she could have known the Weaver otherwise. 

Cassian blew out a laugh at the last words of his soul mate, who had the most serious face possible. "No, no, I doubt it's even possible to kill her, and even less by you."

"Oh well, I'm pretty sure I can," she asserted in all seriousness, nodding several times.

Azriel caught the bridge of his nose and sighed. Damn it, if she really knew who the Weaver was, how could she think she could kill her? She was so naive.

Rhysand looked at her tenderly. He smiled, shaking his head. "No, we wanted you to go steal something from her."

Luxiana darkened her brows, "Steal what? Why me?" Then she widened her eyes after a moment's thought. "This is some kind of test before summer court to make sure I'll be able to steal the book, right???"

Rhysand let out a little laugh with Cassian. He nodded, trying to hide the mocking glint in his pupils. "That's right, but...," resumed the lord before being interrupted by Luxiana.

"Hihi," she said, shaking both her clenched fists in front of her. She turned in one swift motion, gliding gracefully across the floor as she started to make a dash for her room. "I'm going to get ready."

Azriel had the reflex to catch her by the forearm before she entered her room. His soul mate turned to him to find out what he wanted. "We said no, we're not going. It's much too dangerous for you."

Luxiana turned to glare at the master spy. She crossed her arms. "But if I'm the one who'll be in danger, then that's my decision."

"No, precisely, it's not your decision, since you're not capable of making a reasonable one," Azriel spat dryly. Then he closed his eyes for a second, cursing himself for his tone and words, but Luxiana wasn't even a little intimidated or hurt. 

She shrugged with a doubtful grimace. "She's old and blind, certainly no threat to me." 

Azriel thought she was so cute, he could have smiled if he hadn't been so worried.

Luxiana anchored pupils glowing with supplication in those of the three Illyrians in turn. "Listen, I just want to prove to you that I can do it. Because I can. Trust me."

Rhysand's heart slammed against his ribs. He couldn't resist his mate’s adorable face. And he didn't want to hurt her when he trusted her. He took a deep breath. "Are you sure about this?" he asked her, because he wasn't sure at all.

"Yes," she assured serenely. "It's my decision, not yours."

"No," Azriel screamed in horror, turning to his brother. "The Weaver could disintegrate her just thinking about it." 

Cassian huffed, rolling his eyes. He was worried too, but his brother was abusing them. They were going to protect her and their mate was smart. She wasn't a child. "Stryga won't do it, she has a habit of slowly killing people who infiltrate her home." 

"Is that supposed to reassure me?" gasped Azriel with wide eyes. He was almost trembling with fear. He felt like he was going mad. Was he the only reasonable one here?

"She won't be hurt. We'll intervene first," Cassian assured, taking a threatening step towards Azriel, who was beginning to irritate him.

Rhysand breathed imperceptibly before stepping between his two brothers and breaking the distance between himself and his soul mate. He placed his hands on Luxiana's cheeks to cling to her face. He slowly drew his head closer to hers, while she merely looked at him with affectionate eyes and a reassuring smile. He swallowed hard. How could anyone look at someone who approached them like that? She was so sweet. 

Luxiana's heart pounded violently in her chest. The high lord approaching her was having quite an effect on her, and when he'd placed his hands on her cheeks, her whole body had begun to tickle. She did everything she could to keep smiling and not look as upset as she was.

Rhysand stopped only inches from his soulmate's lips, zoning in on them for a moment before plunging an intense gaze into the blonde's. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He lowered his eyes for a second. "To tell you the truth, it's an important object for me that you'll have to get back, but if you don't want it, we won't go. You're much more important. If you're feeling even the slightest bit of stress, or any other disturbing emotion, we'll stay here. You don't have to prove anything to us anyway."

"Rhys, I'm not afraid," she assured comfortingly. 

But Rhysand's heart had trembled. She'd called him by his nickname. Could he really risk putting her in such danger? What if something unexpected happened? What if something went wrong? It wasn't worth the risk.

Luxiana, almost able to read Rhysand's hesitation in his eyes, let out a small cry of frustration. "There's no point thinking about it any more. Now that I know all this, I'll go to the Weaver with or without you, even if it's years away. So either you stay here, or you come with me."

Rhysand laughed softly as he glanced at Cassian, who nodded to confirm that he suspected Luxiana would. Rhysand lowered his eyes to detail the blonde in his hands for another second. He was worried, but he suspected she'd try. She might even hurt herself trying. Or worse, she might succeed and they wouldn't even be there to defend her. He took a deep breath, then nodded in silent thanks. "She won't be able to see or smell you," he explained, suddenly regaining his seriousness.

"Fuck, Rhys," Azriel tried to interrupt, realizing that his brother was giving in. He put his hand on his lord's shoulder to get his attention, but Rhysand took no notice.

"If you're as quiet as possible, you can go in, steal the object and come out without her even knowing. She won't be able to hurt you."

"Rhys, I said no," Azriel shouted authoritatively, pushing Rhysand, who had to release Luxiana.

Cassian growled as he lashed out at his brother with his pupils. "It's her decision, Az, respect it. And if it's not then go, we'll go without you."

Azriel gave him a look so black that his irises were that color too. The three of them were against him. There was nothing he could do, and it was driving him mad. But there was no way they could go without him. He had to be able to protect his soul mate. He gritted his teeth but said nothing.

Cassian, having realized that his brother was giving up in spite of himself, turned to Luxiana with a confident, serious expression. "We'll be there in case of trouble. She won't hurt you, I'll make sure of that."

"If there's the slightest problem, we'll intervene," continued Rhysand with a reassuring face, but a ball of anguish emerged in his stomach. 

Luxiana simply nodded with a broad smile. Then she happily ran to her room to get ready. 

A few minutes later, while Azriel was still trying to convince his brothers not to go, and while they weren't even listening to him, Luxiana resurfaced. The three males turned to her and gasped. She was wearing black leather pants, equally dark thigh-high boots, a white shirt under a corset of the same color, and she'd pulled her hair back into a ponytail. "It's great," she raved happily. "All I have to do is ask at the house and she gives me the outfit I want, I love it!"

Cassian rolled his eyes to close them. He raised his head as he turned away from the blonde and ran his hands vigorously over his face. She looked so sexy in that outfit. He wanted to make love to her in this outfit, damn it. He was dying to jump on her, and he didn't know what kind of self-control would stop him, but he was admiring himself.

Rhysand smiled pretentiously as he detailed her with eager pupils. She immediately looked a lot less cute like this. He loved it, but he couldn't help smiling at the irony of the situation. She was so sexy when she was just cute. 

Azriel paced all around them. He was so anxious that he only noticed his sister's outfit for a second before he started walking nervously again. Damn, he'd have to make her a suit of armor. She wouldn't be protected enough with this leather.

Then Rhysand finally held out his hand. "Ready?"

She caught him with a confident smile and a strange gleam of coldness in her pupils. "Ready." 

Without further ado, the lord teleported them a few steps away from the Weaver's house. 

Luxiana spun around, letting go of Rhys, to take in the tall trees and dense vegetation that now surrounded her. She glanced coldly at Stryga's house. The corner of her mouth lifted in a kind of spasm that the Illyrians couldn't see. Then she turned her determined gaze back to the three males in front of her, who were staring at the building with apprehension and even fear for Azriel. "What shall I steal?" 

Rhysand turned his violet irises on her and was surprised for a second. She looked serious, her eyebrows slightly furrowed and her eyes cold with determination. The lord lifted his chin, smiling in a corner to give himself a haughty, confident air he didn't have at all. He didn't want to worry her, it was stress that made you make mistakes. "You will know when you see it," he replied simply.

Luxiana frowned, pulling her head back in surprise. "Probably not, no."

Azriel gritted his teeth and took a sharp breath. He glanced sideways at his brother. "Rhys, at least tell her what the object is that she has to steal, so that she spends as little time as possible in this damned shack." 

Rhysand didn't even turn to him to answer and remained with his eyes planted in the blonde's. "I'm sure she'll find what she has to steal. You'll feel it."

Luxiana scrutinized him for a second with squinted eyes. Then, as she detailed him, she realized that he seemed really sure that she was going to guess what to steal. And she believed him. Anyway, it wasn't as if she was risking anything. So she nodded once and only once. "All right, I'll trust you."

Cassian took a step closer to his soul mate. He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger to turn the blonde's head towards him and plant an authoritative gaze in hers. He was trying to calm the stress and anguish rising inside him and wanting to make him tremble. "You enter, opening the door as quietly as possible. Walk carefully, taking slow steps. Be careful not to breathe too heavily either, and above all, watch where you step. You absolutely mustn't make any noise! Don't rush," he advised with concern.

"Okay," Luxiana breathed, laughing softly with an expectant face. "You're too cute, but I swear everything's going to be fine. It'll be over in a jiffy." Then she turned to walk in the direction of the house. "I'll be right back." 

But fear suddenly exploded in Rhysand, who moved on his own to hold her by the arm. She turned to him. "Are you sure? We can still go away?" he said hastily, dying of worry.

Luxiana huffed and rolled her eyes, a little wearily. If only they knew. But they couldn't suspect anything. So she smiled to comfort him. "It's my decision. I am."

Rhysand let go of her, but before she could get going again, Azriel caught her by the arm and pulled her sharply towards him. "What ag...?" Luxiana couldn't finish her sentence as Azriel turned her around to tighten the strings of her corset and wedge them inside so they wouldn't disturb her or get caught somewhere. 

Azriel was scared to death. A mixture of adrenalin and terror coursed through his body, making his muscles feel like they were being torn apart. "You watch yourself and your surroundings," he warned with a cold voice. He turned her around again to face her, crouching for a second to pull a little more at the top of the blonde's boots and make sure they were secure and held in place. 

Luxiana watched him with wide-open eyes, completely paralyzed. Her heart was dancing in her chest. No one had ever been so kind to her. 

Azriel stood up, "If you're scared or feel something's wrong, you turn back immediately." He grabbed the wide sleeves of his soul mate’s white shirt to fold them a little dryly up to her elbows. "If something happens that we haven't felt or heard, you run. If she attacks you and we're not there, you call us, screaming at the top of your voice to warn us." Then he grabbed the back of the blonde's hand to raise it and present his palm to the sky. He grabbed Truth teller to pull it from its scabbard, twisting it between his fingers to grasp the blade and be able to slide the dagger's handle over his mate’s palm. "If she comes after you and we're not there, you shove this dagger down her throat. It won't kill her, but it'll give you some time, okay?" 

Luxiana shifted her pupils between Azriel and the weapon he had just given her, her mouth half-open in astonishment. Then her cheeks flushed in realization. She blinked in search of her words, but found none. She simply nodded, closing her fingers around the handle.

Azriel grabbed her by the shoulders to shake her once and back to accentuate his words. "You really must be as quiet as possible." Luxiana wanted to speak but Azriel cut her off. "Promise me! Promise me you won't do anything inconsiderate or stupid?"

Luxiana finally pulled herself together and managed an affectionate smile. "I promise."

Azriel slowly released her against his will. He had to fight every muscle in his body not to grab her and drag her away.

The blonde stared at the three of them hesitantly and a little wearily, to make sure none of them were going to interrupt her again. But they didn't seem to have anything left to say, and only looked at her with concern. She nodded, tucked the dagger away in her boot and turned, so that at last she could leap happily towards the Weaver's house.

Azriel could feel himself trembling as his soul mate walked to her death. "I swear, if anything happens to her, even a scratch, I'll kill you," he threatened in a nasty voice.

Rhysand's heart missed beat after beat. "If anything happens to her, we'll let you.”

"Damn the ass she's got," Cassian admired with a big grin and twinkling eyes while avidly detailing his soul mate as she walked. He hadn't heard a word his two brothers had just tell. That said, he snapped out of his trance and lost his smile as he felt Azriel's murderous and Rhysand's jaded gaze. "What? We've never seen her in pants before, I profit."

They gave back their attention to Luxiana. From where they stood, between the thick forest trees and a little diagonally from the house, they could see the front door from the side. Their mate stopped in front of it. 

"Come on, open it, all. slow.ly," Azriel mumbled, articulating each syllable to encourage the blonde, as if she could hear him. 

But... Luxiana raised her foot, gaining momentum with her leg to crush her heel on the wood and smash the door, which opened with a wrenching sound, slamming even louder against the wall that held it. 

The three Illyrians gasped, their eyes widening as the sound continued to spread through the trees. "Fuck!" shouted Cassian. Their hearts missed a beat. They started to run towards her, but halfway there, the blonde turned back to them, grinning with all her teeth. "There's no one there," she assured them with a shrug. 

The three Illyrians froze in their tracks a few steps from the house. They couldn't see inside, but if the Weaver had been there, she would already have pounced on their soulmate. They couldn't believe it. The three males glanced at each other in confusion. 

"She's not here?" exclaimed Cassian in an almost high-pitched voice, bewilderment distorting his features entirely. 

Rhysand shook his head, frowning, but his irises were still fixed on the blonde, and his muscles tense, ready to react if Stryga threw himself at Luxiana by surprise. "It's not possible, she can't leave her house." He couldn't believe it.

Azriel's breathing was rapid and noisy. He couldn't breathe. "No, something's wrong. We're leaving!" He took a step forward.

Luxiana prevented him from advancing any further by raising her palm towards him, and against all odds, he stopped. "No, it's all right. And Rhysand can’t come closer. I'll be right back." She infiltrated the house. 

Azriel hiccupped almost silently as he saw her enter. He was about to chase after her, but Cassian held him back by the arm. "Wait, let's give her some time. If the Weaver isn't there, she's safe." 

"He's right," Rhysand added uncertainly. He shoved his trembling hands into his pockets without taking his eyes off the house. "If she were here, she wouldn't have allowed Luxiana into her house. I don't know how it's possible, but she's certainly not present." 

But the weaver was there. She was there. She was standing in her living room, a few steps away from her door. Facing Luxiana. She was far too far from the light of the entrance to be visible to the Illyrians. 

She was there. The goddess of death was there, facing Luxiana, but she wasn't moving. In fact, from the outside, you'd have thought she was completely paralyzed, but... her muscles were trembling, her precarious, almost non-existent breathing was shaking her chest spasmodically, and her eyes were widening a little more every second with fright. 

Luxiana moved slowly towards her, entering the chalet a little further, making her disappear from the Illyrians' view. But even if they saw her from behind, the three males wouldn't suspect a thing. They couldn't imagine that, from the front, Luxiana's face was cold, haughty, and cruel. They wouldn't even be able to imagine that their soul mate was heading straight to one of the most powerful faes, totally terrorizing her. 

The weaver was blind, but when she heard her door being kicked in, she got up from her chair and ran to tear the thief's bones out. Only, she was paralyzed in her step. She had completely frozen in fear. She'd smelled her. She'd smelled that scent she knew so well. The scent she couldn't forget. The scent of cruelty, suffering and death wrapped in a touch of vanilla. 

The fae said nothing. She didn't move. She knew it would only make it worse. She was terrified. Why was she there this time? Was she going to kill her?  Or was she going to do one of those much worse things she knew so well how to do?

Luxaina walked quietly through the house, circling Stryga with a wry smile as she detailed her up and down like an animal around its prey. Then, remembering that the three Illyrians were waiting for her outside and that she had no time to play, she refocused on observing all the objects around her. She even began to touch and move them with her fingertips, hoping to irritate Stryga a little. 

She glanced at her sideways, but her smirk faded. The weaver didn't move. Luxiana was disappointed and made a pout that matched her feelings. She would have liked at least a little challenge, a little action. But apparently, Stryga had learned from her mistakes from last time. Anyway, with the three Illyrians just a few steps away, there wasn't much she could do.

She regained her seriousness and hurried to analyze all the objects. She had to get out of here as quickly as possible before they showed up and wondered why the god of death was terrorized in the middle of her living room. She couldn't see herself explaining. 

After a quick but meticulous search, she grabbed the object that attracted her most, then headed for the exit to join the Illyrians, but as she passed by the Weaver, she stopped. 

The blonde suddenly stood in front of her and smiled mockingly at Stryga who -sensing the presence of cruelty incarnate before her - flinched. Luxiana moved a little closer to the livid face and lifeless eyes of the Weaver - who was forcing herself not to back down but was still trembling a little more - to stare at her with a hungry smile, tilting her head left and right. 

Luxiana held back a laugh. In the end, she preferred it when Stryga greeted her like this. With fear. She deviated her face to reach the Weaver's ear and be able to whisper to her as quietly as possible so that the three Illyrians outside wouldn't hear. "Good girl."

She ignored the brunette's umpteenth startle to turn cheerfully and hop out of the house. She closed the rickety door behind her, smiling a little wider as she heard her host's body fall to its knees in relief at her departure. 

Then, she made her way towards the three Illyrians, who took a step forward when they saw her exit. Cassian leaned forward to put his hands on his knees and try not to fall. Azriel trembled, but took a deep breath. Rhysand's heart stilled and his breathing calmed.

"I don't know why, but no one was there," she assured them again, shrugging her shoulders as she came up in front of them. She threw a look at Azriel. She wasn’t lying, after all, no one else was there. 

"I don't want to know," said Cassian, moving his eyes frantically in all directions, expecting to see the Weaver emerge from the vegetation to attack them. 

Azriel whirled around his mate, looking her up and down to make sure she wasn't hurt. "It's fishy, let's get out of here," he ordered Rhysand.

The lord's eyebrows were furrowed and he looked at Luxiana and the house with confusion. It wasn't normal, but the main thing was that Luxiana wasn't hurt. They had to leave before the Weaver became aware of their presence. Without further ado, he teleported them all into the living room of the Town house. 

"Told you it'd be easy," Luxiana smiled happily, putting her fists on her hips. Then she hiccupped as she remembered she still had Azriel's dagger. She leaned forward to grab it and hold it out to him. "Thank you so much, I didn't need it."

Rhysand was completely paralyzed by shock and although he was staring at Luxiana, he couldn't even really see her, too busy thinking about what had just happened. 

Cassian ran his hands through his hair, sighing for a very long few seconds. "What the hell was that?" he articulated disbelievingly.

Azriel reacted at last, savagely grabbing his dagger from his soulmate's hands. "Damn it, she didn't do anything we told her to do," he shouted, killing the blonde with his eyes. His face was red under the anger provoked by the memory of the fear he'd felt. "You're completely insane!"

Luxiana winced with agreement as she nodded vigorously. "Because you doubted it until now?"

Azriel shrieked as he swung his dagger into the sofa. He turned to clamp his hands violently over his face as his shoulders rose and fell rapidly with his breathing. He couldn't believe it. How could his soul mate be so reckless and unconscious? She was the most fragile person he'd ever met, yet the one who took the most risks. He was scared to death. He wanted to cry. How was he going to protect her?

"He's right about that one," Cassian exclaimed sternly, crossing his arms to glare at Luxiana. They couldn't hide her temples throbbing with anger. "What possessed you to break down the door?"

"If the weaver had been there...," Rhysand rumbled in his cold high lord voice, unable to stop his shiver of anguish at the prospect of what would have happened. "She would have killed you on the spot. It was unconscious, irreflexive and incredibly stupid."

Azriel turned abruptly toward his soulmate, but when he noticed Luxiana's smirk, her laughing air and her innocently tilted head, his anger redoubled as it exploded in his chest.  "This isn't a game, Luxiana! We're talking about your life! We told you to be fucking quiet!"

Luxiana rolled her eyes, sighing exaggeratedly. "At least twenty times, yes." 

The three males could hardly breathe because of the anger oppressing them. Rhysand was doing all he could to keep his cool and his mind of steel, but he sensed that Luxiana was going to wear him down. Cassian had to fight with himself not to go and shake his soul mate to set her straight. Azriel broke the distance between him and the blonde, almost sticking to her with a menacing air. "Don't roll your eyes when we're talking about your life and safety! It's important, dammit!" he spat dryly, his voice vibrating with hatred. But Luxiana didn't flinch, just looked down at him with a curious smile and expression. Azriel breathed to speak more calmly. There was no point in shouting at her anyway, but he felt so bad. "You promised me to be careful, aren't promises worth anything to you?" 

Luxiana chuckled a cute laugh as she flashed her dimples, "well, technically, I promised not to do anything inconsiderate or stupid, but believe it or not, my door-busting was quite considerate and thoughtful." She crossed her hands behind her back and smiled innocently.

The three Illyrians were speechless. Fear and anguish made them want to vomit, shake and fall. Their soul mate was completely mad and suicidal.

Azriel took a step backwards, shaking his head, unsure of what to do. Then he turned back to his two brothers, pointing at her. "I'm going to lock her in a windowless room and tie her to her bed so she doesn't escape and put herself in danger."

Rhysand forced himself to take deep breaths as he closed his eyes to regain his composure." The important thing is that nothing serious happened and she's fine." He nodded. That was what mattered.

Cassian ran his hands through his hair and over his face, cursing. He glanced back at his mate.  "At least tell me it wasn’t all for nothing and that you found the object we wanted."

"Yes, I found it!" she exclaimed happily, jumping up and down as if poised on springs.

The eyes of the three Illyrians, especially Rhysand, began to sparkle.

Then Luxiana put her hand between her breasts, where she had hidden the object, under her corset. She pulled it out to show them with a big smile. "Tada!" 

But the three Illyrians lost their expressions and Rhysand's gaze went fade. She had stolen a necklace. A steel chain with a wire holding some kind of small, sparkling violet stone dangling from it. It wasn't her mother's ring. Rhysand touched the stone with his fingertips, not quite believing it. 

Cassian closed his eyes and huffed, completely disgusted.

Azriel gritted his teeth as he turned his head. "All of that for this, I don't believe it."

Luxiana frowned, playing innocent. "What?" She slowly lowered the necklace with a startled look, "this isn't the object you wanted, is it?"

Rhysand looked at her for a moment before giving her a gentle smile to reassure her. She looked so worried and sorry. "Don't worry, it's nothing." 

Luxiana opened her mouth as she furrowed her brows, adopting a guilty face. "I'm sorry, I had no idea what to look for."

"Of course not, it's not your fault," Cassian tried gently to reassure her.

"It's mine," Rhysand resumed, lowering his eyes. "I should have told you what we were talking about, but... I'd thought..." He had thought that, since she was his soul mate, she would have known it was the ring she was supposed to steal. Anyway, it wasn't as if he needed any more proof that this woman was really meant for him, but he would have liked it. His mother would have wanted her to. "Anyway, it was stupid. Let's forget it."

Luxiana studied them for a moment with half-closed eyelids. They had given her no clues, no answers. 

Rhysand, disappointed, was about to turn and leave, but Luxiana retrieved the very first object she'd stolen from her corset and held it out under the noses of the three Illyrians. "I suppose this isn't it either, then?"

All three looked up at her before widening their eyes. 

Cassian let out an exclamation of surprise. "So you found it?" 

Luxiana was still staring at them with squinted eyes, searching for information in their expressions. "Looks like it."

Rhysand began to bubble with joy and hope and a host of other emotions that could be seen sparkling in his irises.

Azriel looked at her in amazement before smirking. "So you were playing us with that necklace?"

Luxiana returned his smile. "Looks like it," she repeated, shrugging her shoulders with an air that was half provocative and half innocent.

Azriel's smile widened and his eyes sparkled. Oh, she was his soul mate, for sure. 

Rhysand raised his hands to grab the ring, but Luxiana moved her arm away, placing it behind her, as far away from the lord as possible. 

Rhysand threw her a quizzical expression as he dropped his arms.

Luxiana shook her head sharply. "I'm not giving you this object until you explain how I knew this was what I had to steal." No matter how much Luxiana racked her brain, she couldn't understand why she'd been drawn to that ring and why as soon as she'd seen it she'd known it was the one to retrieve.

"We could take it from you by force," Cassian smirked with a twinkle of amusement in his pupils.

"No you couldn't," Luxiana replied haughtily, wrinkling her nose. "So?" she insisted for answers. 

Rhysand smiled confidently without difficulty. He was just so certain now. She had passed her mother's test. It didn't matter if the Weaver hadn't been there, maybe it had even been fate, that Stryga hadn't been there to stop Luxiana getting the ring back. She was his soul mate. She was his wife. "You just knew, that's all." 

Luxiana glowered at him. "That doesn't answer my question."

"It'll answer it one day, believe me," laughs Cassian with irises shining with mischief.

Luxiana squinted her eyes to stare at them one by one, trying to understand what they were referring to, then huffed in defeat. Well, for now. Because she was determined to get the answer to her question. "May I at least know why this object is so important to you?"

Rhysand's smile turned wistful and his gaze sad. "That was my mother's engagement ring."

"What?!" gasped Luxiana, dropping her arm limply against her and frowning. "But what was she doing at the Weaver's??" 

Rhysand burst out laughing tenderly. "My mother dropped it off by herself to... keep me out of mischief." He searched for words, he had to be vague. "She was afraid I'd rush off and marry someone who... who wouldn't live up to her expectations."

Luxiana first widened her eyes in realization before hiccupping in surprise and then alarm. "And you used me to get it back?!" She clapped Rhysand on the shoulder, making all three of them laugh.

"Yes," he admitted deadpan. "I was convinced you were the right person for the job, and I was right." He leaned forward to catch the ring in Luxiana's hand, but she took a few steps away with an offended expression. 

"Then no, certainly not," she refused, shaking her head curtly from left to right and glowering at Rhysand. "There's no way I'm going to be one of the reasons you marry a woman your mother didn't think was up to the job. I'm not going to let you disappoint your mother, I'm telling you. This ring, I'll keep it and you'll have to introduce me to anyone you want to marry, and I'll..." she searched for words, thinking. 

The Illyrians glanced at each other with laughter. Cassian held back as best he could to keep from laughing even harder at the irony of the situation. Azriel shook his head, looking tenderly at his soul mate. Rhysand raised a provocative eyebrow to encourage Luxiana to continue.

"You know what? I'd put them through tests!" she exclaimed suddenly as she got the idea. "They'd have to be up to it to marry you, believe me, I'd be a lot worse than your mother or the Weaver." She crossed her arms to glare at Rhysand. "Ah, that'll teach you not to use me again to cheat your mother's goals. I wouldn't let you do that, no."

Cassian burst out laughing, unable to hold it in any longer. He laughed so hard that he leaned forward. 

Azriel detailed her in the same way before turning to Rhysand. "Oh I'm sure your mother would have loved her." 

Rhysand nodded without taking his eyes off his soulmate. He leaned forward with a smirk but a seductive gleam in his pupils. "You can keep it, Luxiana, this ring is for you anyway." 

Luxiana's heart leapt into her throat. She swallowed hard, forcing herself not to back down. She bit her tongue to keep her cheeks from heating up, but it didn't work. Her whole face was probably completely red. "You bastard," she muttered through her teeth, making all three of them burst out laughing.

[strange-destinations]

....I need you to break down which Game of Rassilon characters would survive Dracula now please.

ah fuck okay, here we go. going by @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula's set of critera at the top of the blog...

Riley!Doctor - Wouldn't take the crucifix because she's already got several spare ones in her pockets, somewhere, maybe, she'll go looking for them later. Of course she's sneaking around and getting nosy. It's what she does. Holds Dracula's attention well enough until he says something really blatantly evil, and then she promptly snaps and ruins everything and turns the whole deal into a survival horror game. Finds a rusting sword somewhere and beats the three vampire gfs back with it. Uses her scarf to rappel her way down the side of the castle, and uses a combination of Venusian Akido and clever sonic screwdriver technobabble to disrupt the vampiric influence on the wolves. She's the Doctor. She'll be fine.

Millie - the real-life Amelia Earhart was somewhat religious, so I can easily see her taking the crucifix if offered. Talking and climbing aren't what's going to save her here. Her greatest strength is piloting and repurposing things. In the absense of a plane or spaceship, she might very well hijack the carriage Dracula drove in on. 50/50 chance of her managing to pull this off.

Travis Killian - Travis's greatest strength lies in his ability to fuck with technology, and unfortunately castle Dracula is not wi-fi enabled. He's genre-savvy enough and probably knows enough vampire lore to get a good grasp on what's going on, but that's not going to save him. I don't doubt his ability to survive a few terrifying conversations with the Count, but I do doubt his ability to climb down a ladder, let alone a massive castle wall. Probably going to die without assistance, let's hope he asks for help.

Roman - Roman would try to shoot Dracula several times and miss, every time; but that only happens at the climax of this little disaster. Vampires and Time Lords are natural enemies, so he'd have a pretty good idea what's going on from the start. Being left in a creepy old building owned by a malicious entity that wants him to suffer and lose his mind is kind of already Roman's thing, so he gets bonus points for that. Roman can absolutely talk his way around Dracula and in fact I'd pay actual money to see those conversations. When things inevitably go to shit and he has to run like hell, the aforementioned bad Marksman score kicks in. He fails to even so much as wound Dracula, and probably isn't remotely equipped to climb down the castle walls. The wolves probably get him. Sorry, Roman. He dies, but don't worry, it's all part of the plan.

Carrie Vu - after ascertaining that someone really weird is going on in the town, would turn up at Castle Dracula's front doors and offer him girl scout cookies that she doesn't own in order to sneak in and snoop around. Dracula would not be fooled but would let her in anyway. Every conversation between Carrie and Dracula is the equivalent of getting beat around the head with a rubber chicken. There's no way to predict how any of this will go. Dracula is too bemused and off-balance to contemplate killing her at first. Gets very very offended when he calls her iPhone a foul bauble of man's vanity. Would manage to get at least one good whack in with her baseball bat. The vampire GFs do eventually get her and things look hopeless, but the Corsair swings in at the last moment to rescue her, and the resulting scene is like something off the front cover of a horny romance novel.

Dan!Doctor - Would take the crucifix, insist on paying or giving something back, comedic 5-minute sequence of him pulling random currency and bizarre items out of his pockets. Solemnly promises to do something about the babies getting stolen and eaten, and this is his entire life goal for the next few weeks. Probably manages Dracula marginally better than Riley!Doctor, can keep up and hold a conversation while carefully plotting his exit route. Locates every coffin and regretfully destroys them. Very thoroughly makes sure that no part of Dracula's cunning real estate plan will ever come to pass. Escapes Castle Dracula by jumping out a window because climbing is too slow. He's good at falling off things, he'll be fine probably.

Lita Fane - Lita's wary enough that I have serious doubts she'd even go up to the castle in the first place unless coerced or forced into it. She feels much more like the person to stay down in the town and try to help the people living there. Assuming she has to go to the castle anyway - I don't know if the crucifix would be even recognizable to her as an important item, so she'd probably just be really confused about it, might take it just to be polite. Engineering skills aren't really helpful to her here. I don't think she'd be great at talking to the Count, either. Dracula sets off every red flag possible for her - Lita's having a bad time. It doesn't feel like she'd be an especially great climber, either. Lita's a survivor, but probably not in this case. Vampires were never really the thing she learned how to survive.

Stanley Campbell - Oh, god. Sorry, but there's just no way Stanley would notice that Dracula is even remotely a vampire until it's way WAY too late. 50/50 on him taking the crucifix but I'm thinking maaaybe not. He'd probably end up wandering. Dracula would lose interest in his tangents very very fast. He ain't climbing his way out, with OR without crocs. One way or another, he's not moseying his way out of this one.

bonus: Joseph!Doctor - a stick is just a stake that hasn't been sharpened yet. Dracula's going down.

[stackslip]

so where's asa in the chainsaw man wrestling au?

well she started as a fan who was never happy about anything and went to every match and ppv while bitching online and being a sharp critic who was never happy and calls everyone out of shape and says they're pushed underservedly

she has a blog where she writes most of her itemized criticism and ranks matches and everyone agrees she has shitty taste and her fictional booking fucking sucks and she gets into arguments in the comments of her blog

she also laments that kayfabe is broken and wishes wrestlers were still larping 24/7 but they aren't, so she considers them all posers.

until someone says "if you're so unhappy why don't you train to be a wrestler herself" and she says FINE

and gets rejected by ten consecutive trainers (three of which hateread her blog, one of whom was quanxi who just looked her up and down and huffed "no chance, sweetheart")

and then out of nowhere she gets offered to be trained at the main wrestling promotion run by makima. gets a letter with a full paid ride and all. she brags about it EXTENSIVELY on her blog

she is deeply unpopular at the training center and is not athletic at all and refuses all aid

but she is stubborn as fucking hell and puts herself through a strict regiment for like three weeks before considering she sucks, she's awful, she should drop out and crawl and die somewhere, delete her blog and change her name

but she gets encouragement...... from a mysterious middle manager (asa thinks it's a middle manager, she hasn't even bothered to look up who owns the promotion and they tend to stay out of spotlight anyway) who keeps leaving nice comments on her blog and giving her advice that doesn't sound like advice and thus lets asa's pride assimilate it without feeling like she's indebted to someone and a burden or anything. she gets a bit better. not great in the ring but ok. solid even. she'll be a jobber but you know. it's ok

her first televised match she gets booked like shit but wants to die, until mysterious redhead tells her she did very good and the praise kink part of asa's brain activates so so hard for this woman.

it double activates when the stupid loser she's been bitching about how overrated his indie career has been for years (denji) gives her a thumbs up and said it was a great debut and she accidentally falls in love and immediately reconfigures her brain to consider him the best wrestler who ever lived bc he was nice to her from a distance one time

asa at first gets very tepid reception. then she starts getting go-away heat every time she steps inside an arena. redhead middle manager tells her she has a bright future as a heel and asa 200% believes it

her promo skills are absolutely atrocious. she monologues tonelessly without moving or taking the crowd into account about latest comments on her blog and thinks it's working bc the crowd is working itself into an apoplectic rage as her time goes on and she starts eating into others' matches. she has to be pried off the ring and then goes apeshit at anybody touching her during these times

online is divided. they cannot tell if she really is that bad but a small and growing faction is beginning to argue that she is really a wrestling storytelling genius and has always been a wrestler who has been doing a slowburn storyline for five years now and using the blog as a way to build heat and the two camps fight each other viciously

asa thinks she should be the main event of the ppv and then the next day is drafting her resignation letter and planning on throwing herself off a bridge. only to get a single element of praise and again believing she is the next wrestling god. and then a tiny bit gets to her and she is once again about to walk off into the wilderness never to be seen again.

her online fanclub is so divided and has started making conspiracy theories tying her to indie star chainsaw man who's now supposedly wrestling in this main promo but nobody believes it's actually denji bc denji's a loser and chainsaw man ruled too hard. they're like gaylors but it's about asa playing 5d chess at being the world's greatest wrestler. they're a small fanclub but have doxxed people before and are VERY vocal. there are multiple youtube deep dives on them and on her that call her mid. asa does not know they exist bc if she did she'd resign and die that day.

[bogbees]

(Jazz hands) ROLE REVERSAL

7:30 AM · Nov 19, 2017

Kakashi sensei is a.... character. He's very precise and very relaxed individual, his students claim him to be lazy - until they find themselves in a lecture. He's very thorough and adamant.

He's the only person in the damn village to give Naruto his full undivided attention. It morphs into some sort of family bond later and he wants to tear his eyes out bc of it.

Kakashi regularly makes sure the kid is eating his veggies. And cares so much ab him passing his final exam he ends up fighting Mizuki and getting a huge damn shuriken through his back

Naruto cries and does KAGE BUSHIN NO JUTSU and passes and now Kakashi is crying bc his son is happy and sage (and not bc of the pain no)

Iruka Umino ex elite anbu ninja, failed all his previous genin teams cause they never meet his impossibly high standards gets assigned Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke

Kakashi is gonna piss himself bc of course Naruto would end up with that guy! Of course! Still worried if Nar will pass tho. He thinks he did a FAB job teaching them

Iruka sorta jokes around with them - his prankster days never died - and finds their complete uncoordination appalling. Bad match up, awful, why these three together - oh wait, they have empathy for another? That's new

So he signs up as their jounin sensei. He's actually kinda excited - don't let Anko find out, she'll tell everyone he actually likes kids.

And then Naruto drags him to a ramen stand and they're waiting for someone --- "Iruka sensei please meet Kakashi neechan!" "Naruto they're Konoha ninja they probably know each other"

And simultainously both Iruka and Kakashi go "Naruto respect your elders" bc they are not having this kid go around calling Kakashi his brother /in public/

They smile. This won't be so bad. Cut to four weeks down the road when Kakashi hires them to wash his dogs for the 3rd time annonsomsly.

Pakkun is tired of these brats being so rough, so he goes "I can't believe Kakashi hired you all again" The room goes quiet. Iruka bites his cheek to keep from laughing. Naruto explodes. Sakura and Sasuke join him. They're throwing wet sponges everywhere

It's chaos and loud and everything is sogged and Kakashi races onto the scene like "stop this!!!" Naruto throws a soggy sponge at him like "you stop hiring us to wash yoyr dogs!!!"

Iruka is laughing his was off as Kakashi and Naruto argue over the benefit of this job. Sakura and Sasuke resume washing the dogs. Pakkun regrets.

By the end of it, Kakashi is serving dinner in the hatake mansion to his previous students and their new teacher and all his dogs. He says he hates it but he's lying

ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CUTE JOUNIN SENSEI OFFERS HIS ASSITANCE. god damn you could bounce a yen off that man's ass

Now Iruka gets them a super cool mission bc they won't stop complaining - Sasuke has started voicing his opinions dear gods - they're escorting an old guy to the wave country

He repeats himself like "children. This is work and you need to be responsible. We are protecting a civilian from harm. Don't be a hero. You will die."

So Zabuza shows up like EYYY LEMME AT EM and Naruto almost dies ish but yo look at that kyubii magic. Haku shows up like "thanks for that" and they all leave

They make it to their destination but can't go home because there's a shitty storm and so Iruka teaches the kids how to climb trees like the monkeys they oughta be

But like, he not only gives them the basics, but a lecture on it too so maybe visualising the process in their head will help. He gets them to try walking along the walls barefoot - they pretty much succeed

So he takes them into the wilderness like "now try that on these trees" and Sakura fucking masters it in one go.

Sasuke and Naruto return to Iruka for instruction, and Iruka rubs his chin like "alright, you both learn by doing, yeah, so here's what we do" and constructs this obstacle course in the woods for them

He's got a thin board over a puddle of mud like "you can stay on using balance, but if i don't see you walk across as you would on ground, you're getting pushed off."

So Sasuke ends up fighting it out before Naruto and Naruto gets crabby bc of it, but now Sasuke and Sakura are very interested in keeping him on par with their skills. So they give him tips and pointers. Iruka couldn't be more proud

On the day Naruto gets it, and they decide to take their training to the water - the gang attacks. And it's solved in like zero minutes bc Iruka is a seals master and thanks to barrier tag traps everything is ok

They all get arrested and somehow Zabuza and Haku flee but no one is too worried bc they're together and that's all that matters

So they stick around to help construction - Iruka thinks it'll give them more stamina and there's chakra control practice by walking on the water. Which they all get sorta, Naruto sinks a little but he's still upright so!

They return to little fan fare but Kakashi's dumb worrying face that is the same as his regular face but u can tell bc his eyes are a little more open. He treats them to ichiraku

Team 7 is like "Kakashi watch this!" And the three of them are walking up the walls and ceiling of his dining room like cicadas and he might cry if Iruka wasn't laughing

"They named the bridge after Naruto!" He says, "I did all the work and he gets the name bc he's too likable!" Kakashi smiles fondly under his mask like 'ain't that the truth'

So circa chunin exams Iruka has taught them more neat ninja skills - Sasuke finds seals to be hella interesting, Sakura has apparently some super rare bloodline and Kakashi's old friend is giving her lessons on that and Naruto is....

Naruto is interested in summoning. He likes the idea of calling things into existence. Kakashi won't help by explaining how his ninken summoning works and Gai's student Tenten isnt too hot on tutorial either

So Iruka has been writing letters up the Wahoo to Jiraiya to try and get the man's help. "Come back." He pleads. "Naruto wants to summon."

So Jiraiya returns solely to fight Iruka for being a nag. Literally. "Iruka Umino you're just like your mother. Annoying." Iruka flicks a smoke bomb at the old man and they play this game of cat and mouse

Only each time Iruka uses a smoke bomb, he's been planting a barrier seal attached to a kunai that's been laced with chakra wire. He's weaving a basket around Jiraiya and catches the old fart in 40 minutes

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi and Tenzou stare in awe. Iruka just did that. "Naruto, this man will teach you how to summon frogs. Have fun" and leaves. The audience stares at the space he had been and Jiraiya snorts.

So this is how Jiraiya teaches Naruto how to summon. Sasuke vows to be as good as Iruka one day. Sakura and Tenzou build a dog house for Kakashi's dogs. And Kakashi finds Iruka alone at the noodle stand

He's like "whyd you leave like that" "Oh you see, you have to leave Jiraiya alone with what you want him to do. It's the only way." "No really" "Ok I was starving and am not going to pay for Naruto's bottomless pit let alone four more mouths"

And they have a weird date and discuss the upcoming Curnin exams. They agree the kids would be good to go. Iruka laments he idea of getting stuck in a scroll for three days - hes a busy man (and ex anbu! Like!) and Kakashi takes his shoulder "I'll do it"

So they make plans that if their kids try the chunin exams and pass the first round - Kakashi will be there in the scroll for when they pass. It has been decided.

So when the exams get announced, Naruto has one animal summon, Sasuke has five neat barrier tricks and ten more up for circumstance and Sakura can create and will wooden blocks. Plus they all have stellar chakra control!

Iruka thinks they're good to fucking go. Plus he's socialized them well so they shouldn't be picking fights with other Konoha shinobi bc they think they're better than them. He scoffs, imagine, Sasuke picking a fight with Rock Lee! What a weird world that'd be!

They're weirded put by the sand sibs but like, this is before Power of Friendship Gaara so who isn't, really. Iruka's already planning playdates bc jinjurikis should prob stick together, ya know, bond with those who know your suffering

Kakashi is looking over Iruka's shoulder like "dont. Do not write that. Gaara will not come over - he's the Wind's tailed beast we can't trust him"

So the kids pass their first test. Naruto just fakes it, doesn't write nothing, completely confident. Sakura and Sasuke get everything filled out with the correct answers.

So Kakashi gets wasted the night before he goes into the seal. Iruka shows up like at 8 like "don't forget! The thing is tomorrow" And by the power of booze, joy and fondness he kisses Iruka smack on the lips.

They pull apart, Iruka dazzled and looking a little deshelved, Kakashi a dumb love struck smile, and Kakashi closes the door humming.

Iruka kind of staggers home. Lost. Confused. Warm. Light. Cheeks burning and a smiling tugging at his weary frown.

So now it's morning of the second exam, Kakashi is fighting off a mild hangover and as he's getting set up to do the thing, he catches Iruka skirt around the room, why isn't he saying hello --- oh no.

So he's stuck in the scroll - idk can they do stuff in that void, are they just sleeping, suspended animation - for what feels like forever

Iruka HAS NOT been avoiding Kakashi bc of last night's kiss. Nah, he forgot it happened until he made coffee. He's just literally on security detail and can't say hello bc anbu mask - why is Kakashi staring at him???

Kakashi seems to know that he's the monkey or sm bc he won't take his eyes off him and it's pissing Iruka off so he blows the dumb man a kiss He sartles out of his trance and looks away. Iruka rolls his eyes and Anko takes his attention.

Later she's going to seriously ask him if he and Kakashi are a thing. He is going to sputter his beer into her face. She is going to pull a knife and go "try that again lover boy and you won't have any lips" Gods she's awful

So as a weird brother figure, he confirms that they have had one (1) kiss and that he catches Kakashi refer to team 7 as "their kids" often

Anko's grin might tear her face in two. "I win! That's so much money! No one thought you'd go for lazy chunin sensei Kakashi Hatake BUT I CALLED IT!" Iruka is so shocked he can't ask her to be quiet or how ---- "Come on, I know your type, family men."

He diverts the conversation to the examination bc holy shit he can't deal with any of this information. "You met Naruto today didn't you?" "Oh yeah, that kids a riot. Almost had him shit his pants. Good kid."

Iruka buys her a drink for that. Can't have that kid too comfortable around strangers. So they get off their break and return to work. Anko's going back to the tower and Iruka is going to patrol.

Nothing worth noting on the go, pretty quiet and nice, kinda worrying bc of all the foreign ninja - they /all/ can't be this chill can they??? So Iruka clocks out and heads to his fave ramen stand

Anko slithers in after he orders his second bowl and she's like "the money from the bet." He looks at her like 'why aren't you using this to buy more dango??'

"Look I was the only other person besides Asuma who bet on Kakashi. Out of our group" Iruka grimaces, all the ninja in the village have been placing bets on his love life. "So split between me and Asuma, I still have 5000 yen left. Figured to give you half"

"What because you can make easy money off of my love life?" "Nonsense! I still haven't decided what to bet on for your love life!" She looks out of existence like a true shadow clone and Iruka uses the 2500 yen to buy more ramen

What had happened was that Asuma had seen Iruka dressed in his anbu monkey mask entertaining a sullen Kakashi years and years ago. He told Anko one night, piss drunk and now they support it

Iruka doesn't remember the encounter, there's so much bs from being a child in anbu that makes him forget the good times. Kakashi recalls clearly that summer's day when Monkey tried to cheer him up.

Kakashi has the sharingan, but it's also dead. He was able to become a teacher bc he was useless and not an asset to the village.

So depression and ptsd from loosing his friends and family took it's toll and now he thinks it best if he can help teach these children so that maybe these mistakes won't happen again

Anyway so the kids breeze through the forest of certain death like a cake walk, got through as the 4th team they were so good at it Sakura punched kabuto in the face on reflex and he dropped his scroll and since Iruka hadn't introduced them, they dont trust him lmao

They do the scroll thing and out pops Kakashi Sensei with the most stupid smile on his face like "yo. Congrats, you passed" and it's kinda the least climatic thing to happen to them all week.

So the four of them hang around the tower until it's finished - Kakashi has no where to be, he had booked a week off for this. So the kids share with him their new skills - and he supervises spars between the kids who've finished.

The sand sibs end up watching the leaf genin fight each other, and Kakashi asks them if they want to join in. "It'll be like class!" The rookie nine all groan, fuck you Kakashi sensei

So he organises a short spar competition. Five minutes each fight and no weapons, no shots to kill. He includes Gaara in on it and kankuro and temari freeze up. Gaara just nods, slightly pissy but also confused.

So he's got the sand genin and the leaf genin play fighting each other while they wait for the actual fights to clear up. It's not until Rock Lee and Naruto are giving Gaara of the Sand taijutsu pointers that the irony dawns on him.

Monkey shows up like "Hatake-sensei what the fuck is going on here" and Kakashi is no where near afraid of the anbu in the room But the fight stops dead Naruto pipes up "eeeehhhh we're just socializing properly Iruka-sensei, what's the big deal" Everyone stops. Kakashi chokes

Iruka laughs, takes off his mask and smashes it, "well, so much for that." He looks at the group if kids with a big smile, "So are you all being nice to each other?"

We have Shino and Kankuro gushing ab bugs, in the corner, the girls all huddled together like they were always meant to be best friends, Rock Lee and Naruto and Sasuke talking to Gaara like he's not some monster

Kiba and Neiji were just in the middle of a mock flight, still froze stiff. Naruto goes "yes /daaad/ now go kiss Kakashi sensei or something, we're on to something here" And he turns back to the other boys like nothing he just said was life changing.

Iruka sits back down next to kakashi, who has picked up the shards of the mask and the kids continue existing as if they didn't have any supervision

"Was it really that obvious?" Iruka asks. Kakashi isn't sure what he's asking about, be it Monkey, their dumb mutual crush or their family fondness over these brats. But the answer is the same to all of these questions. "Yeah,"

So they watch Neiji and Kiba fight, then watch Ino and Temari spar, their hands lightly laced together as Kakashi hides his face behind a book

Eventually Naruto gets loud and very agitated, Iruka goes over to check on him. "It's the stupid seal, me n Sasuke can't fix it" Turns out Gaara has his stomach exposed to display the shoddiest seal work ever.

"Do you want me to do it?" "See knucklehead, I said Iruka sensei would know what to do!" "Yeah but he's my damn friend I wanna be the one to help!" Iruka smiles and almost cries bc Naruto is so honest and gaara looks startled

Temari and kankuro join them like "you can… Help him??" As if they can't believe the words coming out of his mouth Iruka nods, "it's a simple seal, but I can patch it up and add more so that it doesn't wear away." They look to be near tears

Naruto grins and looks to his new friend like "See, told ya, we jinjuriki gotta stay together" and Gaara looks so lost, the poor boy. So Kakashi suanders over like "damnit Iruka"

So Iruka whips up a draft to show them, explains what it does, compares it to Naruto's and Gaara's, all the kids are pretty engrossed with what he's saying and Sasuke is writing notes

We're back tracking to the first time team Naru-Sasu-Saku meet Iru

So Iruka's like "ah yes hello I'm Iruka Umino, I'll be your jounin instructor - if you pass my own genin examination. If not, you're all getting sent back to the academy! But I'd like to meet you all first"

So they do the thing they do in canon, where Sakura goes "I like Sasuke" Naruto goes "I'm gonna be the Hokage" and Sasuke does his "I want revenge" bc he's been festering in hate for the last 82 years

But instead of "oh well you're all weird kids" Iruka almost looses his mind and almost sends them all back then and there

Alright, alright, he goes, you're all children, but these things aren't gonna help you become ninja. Naruto, your goal is admirable, good, that's good. Least stupid. Tells me how far you're willing to go.

Sakura, you being in love tells me you can form bonds - which is good for teamwork, but you need to take it back a bit, and bond with your other team mates as well.

And then he turns to Sasuke. Revenge will not help you. You will not gain anything from that. Bad things are always happening and there's never any reason for it. He tells off Sasuke for his bs bc Iruka doesn't have a filter and will fight these kids

And the kids are like Sasuke: offended Sakura: offended Natuto: laughing his ass off

"I'd like to send you all back to the academy for this but! I said I was gonna give you all a chance to be full fledged genin. So! Here's my test!" And makes this weird quiz thing that is sorta like the bell test where the goal is for them to display teamwork 5:59 PM · Dec 3, 2017

[equizona]

The nightmares react to a child reader inviting them to play tea party with them

feat. the nightmares

warnings : tea parties

note : this might actually be one of the cutest ideas I have seen my entire life so LEZ GO

❥ NIGHTMARE FREDDY

You probably invited the three tiny bears to your tea party first and then they processed to drag him into the whole party going on. And well, he doesn't have the will to deny their request so he ends up telling the others to do something else for the first night and ends up joining your party. All four of them are unnatural but he does end up having fun. In the end, he convinces everyone else to leave and find someone else and you never end up seeing him again, probably growing up convinced that he was just a figment of your childhood imagination.

❥ NIGHTMARE CHICA

She thinks you're stupid. Seriously? Asking something like her to a tea party? But.. she can't say she doesn't want to join your party. She'll ask the others to not do anything for the night, and after the realization that she now owes them all something she joins your tea party. She even ends up stealing some snacks from the kitchen for the party for the party. She's tense and unsure at the start, but at the end it was a huge success. She can't make the others leave, but she does do her best to help you survive through the nights that are especially scary.

❥ NIGHTMARE BONNIE

He is confused on why you would be awake at this time unless you were scared of them and felt like you had to fight for your life or something along those lines but.. well, he's basically the only one who ever does anything other than Freddy during the first night, so he agrees to a tea party with you. He is tense for the first minutes but grows more comfortable. He reminds you to check on the bed and doors periodically throughout the entire night just in case, so that you're safe. He does convince everyone else to leave you alone, considering he's the only one who has a good relationship with everyone in the group.

❥ NIGHTMARE FOXY

He isn't there for the first nights, but he's excited to join in on the fun. Except.. when you see that the fox plushie in your closet has turned into a huge, scary, nightmare-fuel creature you don't scream, shine the light or close the door. Instead you ask him to join you in a tea party. He's confused, 'cause surely his group has been chasing you the entire nights before and you have to be scared of anything looking remotely like them. He denies, saying you should focus on keeping the others out. You turn around, scared as the mini-Freddies scramble back under the bed. He doesn't join your party, but he doesn't end up hunting you either. He'll show whenever he feels the others coming too close to remind you to look for them so you don't die. After, regardless if you survive or not, he tries to make his own little tea party. He sits in his space on his own, curious as to why you weren't scared of him.

❥ NIGHTMARE FREDBEAR

Much like Foxy, he doesn't understand why you would ask him something like thatafter surviving multiple nights with creatures like him hunting you, trying to kill you. He doesn't agree, just keeps going after you as you back up and close the door in his face, seemingly remembering that he's bad. He does end up thinking about your offer after the week is over, much like Foxy did, wondering why you seemed so eager to have a party with a creature like him.

❥ NIGHTMARE

He doesn't process what you said, not really. He never truly listens to what the kids he's after have to scream or cry. Most of the time theor just begging for someone to help them, or for him to leave them alone anyway. Wondering where he came from. What happened to all the others? The golden bear? It's not until after the night is over that he actually realizes what you had said, and he realizes the lack of fear that had been in your voice. He brushes it off, ignoring it but there will always be that part of him, nagging him about the offer at the back of his conscious.

[song-of-kalinaw]

BASIC INFORMATION

Human Host

Name: Lilith Selene Lair

DOB: October 16, 1996

Ethnicity: Korean-American

Eye color: Dark Brown

Hair: Black, waist length

Occupation: Socialite, Empire Heiress

Current Location: Seoul, South Korea

Demoness

Name: Lilith

DOB: [information redacted]

Origin: Garden of Eden

Entity type: Original Succubus

Eye Color: Black Onyx

Hair: Black, waist length; morphs to preference

Current Location: Seoul, South Korea; Interuniverse travel

PERSONALITY

Human Host

Lilith Selene Lair, the mute heiress to the Lair Group of Companies, has her life planned out for her even before she was conceived. But after being born with a heart problem and spending most of her childhood in the hospital with only her brother as company-- she was known in their circle as the quiet princess, not just because of her mysterious mutism but because of the timid personality she adapted after her stay in the hospital.

She can be seen mostly keeping to herself but come forums or parties organized by her family or their friends, Lilith can play quite the host with her handy tablet always ready with a funny retort or an interesting inquiry. The heiress is also fond of kids and pets, which is why on warm afternoons or in the early mornings, she'll visit the park in their gated community to watch the toddlers play or pet a dog or two.

In her free time, she mostly stays indoors in the estate library poring over books or in her sunroom, just painting landscapes or abstract art she wishes to share with her brother in the slim chance he'd remember her.

Demoness

Lilith, the mother of demons and Adam's first wife, has learned to love partying. She would internally roll her eyes and offer snide remarks at her human host whenever the latter would attend functions and formal dinners-- the elegance wasn't lost on her, but after centuries of holding court at Pandemonium, the formal parties has simply grown to bore her.

On the chance that her host would slip and unleash her, the demoness always finds her way to bars and clubs, just taking her fill of alcohol and sex; creating an underground image for the heiress. Reckless and determined to have her moments of fun, Lilith would sometimes even alter her host's appearance so she can disappear to some random country or hop in a lover's yacht and not show up for days or weeks at a time, feigning sickness with the help of her human doctor friend.

BACKSTORY

trigger warning: description of rape, cursing, violence, death disclaimer: this story was written in the point of view of lilith (the human host) and lilith (the first woman, mother of demons). God and adam was depicted here as what the writer assumes is how lilith (the first woman) saw them. please don't take offense in the story Her first memory came in a flash of light before her eyes, mere moments before she heard the beeping of machines and the antiseptic in the air fills her nostrils. She's back on her hospital bedㅡ and it feels wrong, like she shouldn't be there. Wearily, Lilith opened her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting of her hospital room. The familiar surrounding easing her worries, which if she takes time to think about is actually sad on her part. She's spent more time in this ward than on her wing in their estate. A depressing thought considering it's not something any teenager can normally stay. Unfortunately for her, normal has never been part of her upbringing, which also could be the reason why its her brother, Lucien, standing by her bedside with... wait, is that blood? She reached out, earning herself a smile from her beloved brother, but when she tried to speakㅡ panic came over her body, her lips were forming words but only incoherent sounds seem to slip out. I can't speak. What's happening to me? Her panicked gaze find Lucien's, frantic tears already rolling down her cheeks. Brother, help! was what she wanted to scream but no words escaped her mouth. And amidst her confusion and panic, a voice at the back of her mind demands her to shut up. Whose subconscious tells them to shut up? Her confusion at this new development was enough to abate her tears and panic. But instead of getting an answer, not that she was expecting one, a wave of new memories washed over her. In quick succession, flashes of memories flooded her mind resulting to a terrible headache coupled with the erratic beeping of her heart monitor. It felt wrong, as if they are a memory of someone ancient and yet she's looking at them from their perspective. She saw a blazing warm light together with the sound of birds chirping and the smell of crisp summer air. There was a man with her, holding her a hand... and another, who felt like he could be their Father. Came the next memory, it was of her and their Father. Somehow they were talking about Adam and how he wanted to sleep with her. She came to their father because it felt wrong somehow. She was happy just helping around, caring for the animals and plants. But now... The memory faded into black but the unsettling feeling at the pit of her stomach remains. Who owns these memories? The next memory filled her with dread. It was her Adam on top of her, forcing her to submit, telling her it was their father's wishes. They needed to reproduce, he said. The Garden needs more caretakers and it is their duty to care for all that was created by the Father. Lilith was sobbing now, feeling her skull about to crack open from the sudden tsunami of memories. Is this a dream? She couldn't quite tell. Next came another memory, this time it was of her refusing Adam's advances. It felt as if some time has passed and she's now known how to stand for herself. And there on her periphery, children. The sight of them makes her heart full right before the memory fades. Lilith's feeling all the emotions associated with the memories even when they are not her own, but she somehow feels a connection with whoever is projecting them on her. Keep watching. You'll understand. Now she's hearing voices on top of the dreams but the sense of doom in the pit of her stomach and her growing hatred for the man she knows as Adam has kept her sobbing silently on her bed. She feels Lucien give her hand a squeeze, grounding her as another wave pulls her under. This time it was Adam pushing her down and forcing her legs open with his knees. She spat at him in disgust, mustering enough force to push him off their bed while she stands over him, foot pressing on the inside of the man's thighs. "Lilith,

you witch!", he grunted as she pressed the heel of her foot harder on his thighs. Who gave this man the idea that he can control everything? They were made from the same soil, the Father gave them life as equals and yet... Another memory surfaced, this one felt heavier than all the other that came before it. She's barely aware of Lucien shaking her awake, his voice laced with worry as her heart monitor gives a series of beeps. She heard a booming voice ordering the archangels after her as she fled through the dessert, towards the only salvation she's heard of: The Red Sea. No angel of the Father will dare cross the shallow waters without fear of falling from His grace. Adam has been using her children to keep her in The Garden and do his bidding, forcing himself upon her and expecting her to just bite her tongue and part her legs like a mindless whore. But she's grown tired of protecting his ego and the children she so dearly loved. Enough is enough. She'll come back for her children just as soon as she finds them a safe place to live, away from the judging eyes of the Father and the self-centered ways of Adam. But luck was really not on her side. As soon as her feet landed on the wet loam bordering her promised salvation, three archangels loomed over her-- all of them pointed spears of heavenly fire at her tired body, ordering her to go back and serve her husband. All will be forgiven, they said. But she's no fool to believe any of their words especially when its the Father that sent them after her. The same Father that she first ran to when Adam suggested they sleep together. The same Father she expected would protect her. No. She will not turn back now and have Adam control her life for the rest of their days in The Garden. She would rather die than serve an egomaniac who sees her not as an equal but as an object created for his own wanton needs. "We'll ask one last time. Come back with us to The Garden or the Father will kill a hundred of your children for each day you spend out of Adam's sights." At this, Lilith choked on a sob. She spent years taking all she could of Adam's and the Father's demands... would it be so wrong to choose herself this one time? With a heavy heart, she turned towards the cold and calculating gaze of the archangels. If she goes back, she will suffer by Adam's side and with him as role model, it won't be long until their children start to follow him by example- and that's the last thing Lilith would want for her children. "Tell your Father that I will never take a single step inside The Garden again, nor would I like to set my eyes on Adam. My children would be better off dead than be raised by someone more obnoxious than filth.", and with this, she felt her heart broke knowing the Father heard. The memory faded into darkness but the heaviness in Lilith's heart stayed, leaving her sobbing on the bed with that sense of impending doom. She knows that wasn't the end, for whoever was showing her the memories has only grown more aggrieved. Feel my pain, pet. That voice- filled with resentment and hate. She knows she should be familiar with the story unfolding in her head but somehow she can't recall who it was about. She finds herself gasping for air in between her sobs. Lucien cradling her in his arms. "You'll be okay, Lili." But somehow she can't find comfort in his words. Not this time. With these thoughts ringing in her mind, she was once again pulled under- a crushing feeling of hatred and need for revenge pressing in around her. She was standing on the same wet loam, The Read Sea a sprawling landscape before her. But this time no angels can be seen on the horizon. It has been years since her heart broke for her children, and she mourned their deaths. She still does. But no amount of mourning can ever get the pain of a mother losing her child off her chest. She will not rest until both Adam and the Father suffer from the things they've put her through. One thing she learned from denouncing the Father was that her original protection is gone. And that The Red Sea

is where all the lascivious beings gather- a vast majority of them giving her what she needs and satiating her hunger for the pleasures of the flesh. She'd have to thank the Father for her gift to procreate as more of her children grew from the seeds these monsters produce every time they bed her. It was on one of those nights, hundreds of her children sprung out from the seed her lovers released on the earth, that he came. She heard news of his fall- the brightest angel stripped of his rank: Lucifer Morningstar. Fate has brought them together, it seems. They spent nights creating more Children of the Lilim, hushed promises exchanged in the heat of passion. He promised her revenge and delivered, getting Adam and his new wife out of The Garden after one too many tricks to go against the Father. She enjoyed her time with him, even spent millennia ruling the pits by his side. But she got bored. Thinking of new ways to punish the damned has started to grow stale. And that's when Lucien has made a summoning. Her brother summoned a demon. But why? She felt chills run through her body. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear an answer. But of course, the entity responsible for the memories have other ideas. She's suddenly aware of herself instantly stopping from sobbing, an amused smile spreading over her lips as she pushes Lucien off her. She's aware of the motions but couldn't control any of them. Hush now, pet. I'll play nice with you, just don't do anything stupid. Without meaning to, she suddenly became aware that she's now a prisoner in her own mind. Or what used to be her mind. "Hello, Lucien." The voice that came out of her mouth was melodic, lilting in a way that makes it sound like she's about to sing a lullaby- and this made her brother smile. But I couldn't speak when I woke up. "That's right, pet. You can't. But I can." Her brother's eyes widened, "Lili... who are you talking to? Are you feeling alright?" He attempted to take her hand. "Should I call your doctor?" She wanted to scream yes- do anything to let him know of her presence. "Oh stop with your acting, boy. Don't pretend you're really concerned now when you've thought about her death countless times before." A childish giggle escapes her lips while she pulls his shirt open, displaying the pattern of blood on his pale skin. She finds his gaze then, understanding of the situation finally dawning on him. "What were you thinking summoning someone you have no idea of containing? Creative choice using your sister as host. I kind of like this youthful body." Lucien, what is she saying? You wouldn't... "Oh but he did, pet. That's why I'm here." Lucien's shoulders slumped, silent sobs wracking his body as the gravity of what he's done caught up to him. "Now, where were we? Oh right. The price for your stupidity." She claps her hands, like a child getting ready to unwrap her presents on Christmas morning. "First, your sister's voice. I'm not as heartless as you think so I'd let her play once in awhile but without her voice." She adjusts her body on the bed, mindlessly pulling at the tubes connecting her to the machines. "No soul shall hear her voice again, unless of course when it's my time to have fun with her body. A good deal, don't you think?" "Next Lucien, is the memory of something or someone you most treasure. We both know who that is." She means me. Lucien began to protest but was met with nothing bad a dismissive wave of her hand, "Now boy, who said this was a negotiation?" "You will lose her. But you will forever have the feeling of losing something you hold dear- that empty feeling in your chest that will only grow as time passes. It will consume you, dear boy. And the pits will be there once it does." And it was with these words and Lucien's pleading and guilt-stricken face, did her gaze start to darken- her consciousness getting lulled once again into slumber. You'll always look for him. And she knows she will. The worst kind of mourning after all, is when the one you lost is still alive but will never be back in your life again

no matter how much you wish for them to be.

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Widow Queen Elizabeth suddenly alone at 95

Page 2: Holy Moly! Stars take on film roles of biblical proportions -- Willem Dafoe, Leelee Sobieski, Keanu Reeves, Charlton Heston, Ewan McGregor

Page 3: Jon Voight, Jim Caviezel, Ingrid Bergman, Christian Bale, Max von Sydow, Steve Carell, Milla Jovovich

Page 4: Garden of Delights -- floral fashion unfolds in spring -- Olivia Wilde, Mindy Kaling, Keira Knightley

Page 5: Sarah Paulson, Drew Barrymore, Tiffany Haddish, Penelope Cruz

Page 6: Brooke Shields has finally fought her way back after a nightmarish accident she was terrified would leave her paralyzed after she broke her right femur after falling off a balance board at her New York City gym -- Brooke said it felt like it was all in slow motion and then she just started screaming -- after two surgeries and a nearly three-week hospital stay, Brooke went home to her worried family, husband Chris Henchy and their daughters Rowan and Grier, but her nightmare wasn't over because a serious staph infection sent her back to the hospital for yet another surgery, saying for the first time in her life she thought she can't power through this and she can't even stand on her leg or go up a step and she needs to relearn how to even walk and she kept saying she could feel her toes because she was so afraid she would be paralyzed but if anything, she's a fighter -- now back at home and receiving physical therapy, Brooke feels like she's slowly on her way out of the woods and she knows she's got a long way to go, but she'll get there

Page 7: Do your pets suffer from mental illness? Humans aren't the only ones who can sink into depression or fall victim to stress and anxiety; household pets also have their share of mental illness, usually it's because there's something wrong in their environment and that means they probably don't need meds or a visit to the analyst's couch, just some sensitivity on your part and a little TLC and here's how to tell whether Fluffy, Fido or Tweety have problems you need to address -- dogs can have PTSD, birds get depressed, cats can have OCD, hamsters are hoarders

Page 9: Race Against COVID Mutants -- scientists scramble as virus variations gather strength

Page 10: In an incredible stroke of luck, and savvy cop intuition, a New York State Trooper saved a missing toddler from the top of a mountain

Page 11: 3 cheers for cherries -- it's cherry season again, and whether you like them sweet or tart, these deep red fruits pack a healthful punch

Page 12: After two years of dating and five years of marriage, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split without children, then he went on to have six kids with Angelina Jolie, so if Brad wanted to have a great big family, why didn't he and Jennifer have children of their own? After suffering through a horrible public breakup, when her husband threw her over for Angie, poor Jennifer suffered even further indignation when she was raked over the coals for not giving Brad a baby, and vicious accusations began that it was her outright refusal to have a family that started their breakup and that made Jen furious, saying a man divorcing would never be accused of choosing career over family and she's never in her life said she didn't want to have children, and she did and she does want children and she will have them and the women who inspire her are the ones who have careers and children and she's always wanted to have children, and she would never give up that experience for a career and she wants to have it all -- in 2004, while Jennifer was finishing up with the ten-year run of her hit TV show Friends and Brad was doing the flick Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Jen was telling pals the time was finally right, and they were in a good place, ready to start a family and they were even preparing their home for a child by adding a playroom and a room for a nanny and they were definitely planning on having a kid but the plans were blown up when Mr. and Mrs. Smith was completed, and Brad left Jennifer for his co-star Angie, who already had a toddler and when she fell wildly in love with Brad, he also fell into the ready-made family and it turned out he liked being a dad so much, the couple have five more, three biological and two more adopted -- by the time Jennifer married Justin Theroux in 2015 and divorced two years later without a baby, she admitted that starting a family was a frightening prospect and that she had no regrets about her two marriages or remaining childless and she doesn't feel a void and her marriages have been very successful in her personal opinion, and she's sick of being beat up about it, saying there is a pressure on women to be mothers, and if they are not, then they're deemed damaged goods and maybe her purpose on this planet isn't to procreate; maybe she has other things she's supposed to do

Page 14: Dear Tony, America's Top Psychic Healer -- lying and dishonesty bring trouble to our world

Page 15: Sharon Stone starred in Basic Instinct and Casino and her life seemed to be glamorous, but behind the scenes it was a different story -- Sharon recently released her new memoir, in which she recalls the sexual abuse she and her sister Karen suffered as children and their mother's failure to protect them

Page 16: The shocking day Barry Manilow first discovered he had the heart condition AFib, he was alone and acted quickly to save his own life -- he was driving home and he felt his heart skip a beat, which doesn't sound like anything serious, so he didn't pay much attention to it and then it went blump-bla-bla-blump and it got crazier and crazier and he felt like there was a fish flopping around in his chest and it calmed down for a while, but later as he was watching TV, it started up again so he dialed his doctor, told him the problem and blurted what is this? He did what he was told and drove himself to the medical center in a panic to find out what was wrong with him and put a stop to it fast -- that first time was 25 years ago, but AFib is a lifetime problem that has to be monitored and battled consistently

Page 18: Here's some good news for fans of Don Johnson -- the actor says he's bringing one of his most beloved characters back to the small screen: Inspector Nash Bridges -- he confirmed during an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that's he's currently prepping a revival of the show that ran for six seasons from 1996 to 2000 and he said they're in heavy prep for a reboot of Nash Bridges and it's Nash some years later and Cheech Marin is going to come back, and Jeff Perry, and they've got a pretty exciting show that they're prepping in San Francisco right now

Page 19: Shaquille O'Neal was spreading the love when he overheard a man making a payment on his girlfriend's engagement ring and stepped in to buy it himself -- the generous moment took place in an Atlanta jewelry store, where Shaq says he just happened to be shopping for earrings and overheard the young kid, a hard-working guy asking to make a layaway payment on the ring and that's when Shaq said tell your girlfriend he's got it and promptly handed over his credit card and at first, the shocked guy tried to turn down the offer, but Shaq wouldn't hear of it -- Shaq said he's just trying to make people smile and the random acts of kindness make him happy

Page 20: Cover Story -- after 75 years with Prince Philip, the only man she has ever loved, widowed Queen Elizabeth has to find the strength to keep going

Page 22: Cool Uses for Cola -- pop open a can for cleaning, unclogging, cooking and more

Page 24: This little baby is the toughest survivor as she has already made it through COVID-19 and a liver transplant and you'd never know it to look at joyful Winter Moore, but she's been through more than many people endure in a lifetime, all before her first birthday

Page 25: Face Mask Mistakes -- here's how to do it right to protect your health

Page 26: When Irwin Allen's production of The Towering Inferno was released to stunned audiences in 1974, it represented the pinnacle disaster film and it was far and away the highest-grossing film of the year, with a whopping $203 million worldwide -- The Towering Inferno takes place on the opening night at the world's tallest skyscraper, where faulty wiring short-circuits start a fast-moving, out-of-control blaze that threatens the guests at the opening party on one of the top floors and to the rescue comes superstar Steve McQueen as larger-than-life Fire Chief Mike O'Hallorhan, and none other than the legendary Paul Newman as architect Doug Roberts -- here are some startling secrets from the flick: McQueen, Newman and William Holden all wanted top billing and Holden was turned down as McQueen and Newman had both become bigger stars so to provide dual top billing to both McQueen and Newman the credit were arranged diagonally with McQueen in the lower left and Newman in the upper right; Newman later regretted his decision to co-star with McQueen because of the rivalry between the two, created by Steve and as a result, the fireman role dominates Newman's architect; at McQueen's insistence, both characters have the same number of lines although McQueen's character doesn't appear until 43 minutes into the film and as a result, Newman had used almost half his lines before McQueen even enters; after seeing this film, novelist Roderick Thorp had a dream that same night about a man being chased through a skyscraper by gun-wielding assailants and this was the inspiration for his 1979 book Nothing Lasts Forever which eventually was made into another blockbuster film: Die Hard

Page 28: The Dashing Duke of Edinburgh -- Prince Philip was a study in elegance -- a look at Philip's long and amazing life

Page 40: Read Your Palm -- it holds your fate

Page 42: 10 things to know about Leonardo DiCaprio

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Blue Bloods castmates Steve Schirripa and Vanessa Ray and Bridget Moynahan share a lighthearted moment behind the scenes on the Brooklyn set (picture), Hugh Grant and wife Anna hit the red carpet in London (picture), Henry Cavill is flying high with a new galpal reality TV's Natalie Viscuso of Super Sweet 16, there may be a silver lining to Kelly Clarkson's ugly divorce with estranged husband Brandon Blackstock as she says she's written 60 new songs since their split, Christie Brinkley has called aging "the last frontier" as the longtime model seeks to continue her career in front of the camera at 67, Salma Hayek says her pet owl Kering stays in her bedroom with her when husband Francois-Henri Pinault is out of town, Dolly Parton delivered a heartfelt goodbye to her dear uncle and mentor Bill Owens

Page 45: Jay Leno is ready to take a spin in L.A. in a vintage purple Barracuda (picture), Percy Gibson escorts wife Joan Collins to dinner in Hollywood (picture), Patrick Dempsey filming Devils in Italy (picture), Matthew Perry posted a behind-the-scenes shot that showed him getting prepped to appear on camera for the Friends special and the posted racked up 27,000 likes before it was deleted without comment from the actor's account, Jessica Springsteen who is the daughter of Bruce Springsteen and wife Patti Scialfa could represent America at the Olympic Games in Tokyo as a champion equestrian, Rosie Perez claims she's been snubbed by the Academy Awards for more than two decades since she was nominated as a Best Supporting Actress in 1994

Page 46: Online dating isn't just for the younger crowd as studies show older adults are the fastest growing group trying it out -- if you're considering looking for love online, here are some guidelines to help you stay safe while maximizing your chances

Page 47: Fear of Flying -- these jetsetters would rather drive -- William Shatner, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Megan Fox, Sandra Bullock, Whoopi Goldberg, Kate Winslet