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itsmyfandomandilikeit · 5 years

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I'm 26 arcs into Worm: The Stick Up Brian's Butt

So I'm listening to the We've Got Worm podcast and they keep talking about KingBob, the guy on reddit who really related to Alec and ended up understanding him (and by extension Aisha) far better than most of the other readers.

I haven't really gone into this on this blog, I've been reading Worm for like six months now and I don't update that often, but throughout this read I've been the KingBob to Brian. It's gotten to the point where I actually took a few mental health breaks from reading Worm. I know a lot of people thought Brian was boring and dumb. I'm almost done with Worm now and I feel like the inclusion of Brian this story elevated it, for me, from a fun superhero story to something intensely personal, something that was almost a struggle to read. I know from spoilers that Brian's part in this story is almost over. He isn't my favorite character (Dragon) or even my favorite Undersider (Aisha) but I felt like I should write something before this is over. It wouldn't be an honest blog otherwise, as infrequently as I post.

But Kuno, you say. You're a 22-year-old white female engineering student. Why the hell is this the character you relate to?

For a collection of dumb reasons that add up to a large part of who I am. From the time I was eleven to the time I was about twenty-one, I had night terrors. Seven times a night sometimes, I dreamt vividly of the people I loved getting hurt, hurting me, getting killed, killing me. My students and pets melting in my hands. My mom and I clutching each other on the freeway as we're stopped in traffic, a terrorist approaching our vehicle with a shotgun. We don't make it. The dreams made life almost impossible. Seeing people during the day and being absolutely certain they would die before I saw them again. It didn't matter how many times I saw them come back okay. They never would.

I'm afraid of everything. Every missed phone call is a sudden death. Every text message brings terrible news. Every possible situation brings danger, but if my friends go, I can't let them go without me. Something could happen. They'd be safe as long as I could see them. If I was looking at them, everything would be okay. Some child psychologist I spoke to at a young age noted I was a "natural leader". To this day, I lead because I am a control freak. I am afraid of what would happen if I let someone else be in control.

Interlude 15 fucked me up.

My fatal flaw extends from this. I'm terrified that people will see me as weak. I dated a boy on my robotics team when I was in high school. I treated him like shit in public because I didn't want anyone to think I cared about him, even though he was my boyfriend. What would they think of me if they saw there was a person I treated as an equal? Horrible things. I became a better girlfriend to another boy, years later, because someone mentioned to me they thought I could be a good girlfriend, and that it was rough, calloused girls who were the weak ones. It was the perfect two sentences to convince me that for people to see me as strong, I had to be a good girlfriend.

In the We've Got Worm podcast, Scott and Matt always mention that each of the Undersiders brings the team down somehow, their inputs to every situation silly or stupid. I was confused. I always thought Grue's avoidance of conflict, always taking the slow, deliberate path, was the right way to go. Then I realized that, to many, this behavior indicates brokenness. Maybe they're right.

Yeah so I said I'd talk about the stick up Brian's butt in arcs 25 and 26. I don't think he has much to say for the rest of Worm so here we go. I'm building off a lot of what the WGW guys say, but I think I can take it a little farther.

So in arc 10 the WGW guys point out that Brian resists letting Taylor back on the team until the precise moment when it becomes apparent that everyone else wants her back, when he suddenly changes tactics to talking about how they "need her for offense". They make the imo correct deduction that this is because he's afraid of looking weak. Everyone knows Taylor likes him, so, logically, to be Stoic Leader Man he should want her to go away. He needs permission to want her back on the team. Once he has that permission, he is all for it.

I know that sounds convoluted but trust me as a person with exactly these issues this makes perfect sense.

Arc 11, Brian has still not decided to be Taylor's friend again. This is because she's on the team to be offense. Their friendship doesn't help nobody's offense. When Lisa calls him and tells him he needs to lay up on her, that to be her friend would be good, he goes directly to Taylor's house and declares them... best friends. Because Lisa has given him permission to do so.

I hope you're following because I'm aware this is stupid.

In arc 12, I'm gonna veer a little to the side. Let's talk about Brian's second trigger, just so that I can educate the public on exactly how this came around. Keep in mind that trigger events happen from a long period of a specific type of stress coming to a head. And that Brian's previous trigger happened from feeling like he maybe couldn't help Aisha for a long time, and then suddenly being hit with the fact that he definitely couldn't help her.

Arc 1: The Undersiders save Taylor who was saving them from Lung Arc 2: Brian punches Rachel for attacking Taylor Arc 4: Taylor gets blown up by Bakuda, Brian sits in her hospital room and stares at this for presumably a while Arc 5: Taylor looks like she's been hanged, having fought Lung again Arc 7: Taylor and Rachel are attacked by the ABB, Brian shows up late. Taylor is attacked later the same day by Sophia, Brian shows up pretty late. Taylor propositions the boy, he tells her he thinks of her like he thinks of his sister. I am 100% certain at this point, looking back, that this was an early indication that the second trigger process was starting towards a lack of ability to keep up with Taylor. He wasn't just saying he thought of her like he would think of her if they were related, he thinks of her like Aisha specifically, the one his power is attached to. His little brain is drawing the equivalences already. Arc 8: Broken spine, betrayal, yadda yadda Arc 9: Sophia attempts murder because it's Tuesday Arc 10: Brian pretends to not want Taylor to come back Arc 11: Brian does his now-classic "walks into room/why is Taylor injured/maybe she should not be doing this" routine Arc 12: Repeat of arc 11, except now he starts stumbling over her name. He tells her she should have let her people die. If there's a point onscreen when he realizes there might be something going on, this is it.

Point is, this has been stewing in the background since as early as arc 1 and as late as arc 7 but probably actually started in arc 4. It wasn't out of the blue, it was the logical culmination of the entire story's events thus far from Brian's perspective.

Arc 13: Yeah, you know what happens here. In the final chapter, he tells her he thinks about her too much, but even though he received a new set of superpowers and a vision from aliens telling him that he probably loves her, the vision is definitely wrong and he just feels like he can't keep up with her.

She's been attacked by everyone. Lung, Rachel, Bakuda, Sophia, Armsmaster, Leviathan, the Merchants, Mannequin. He doesn't want her to keep fighting, he feels he needs to be the one to do it. At the same time, he knows he's not powerful enough. No one power is enough to deal with all of these threats.

No single power.

But he doesn't love her. That would mean he was weak.

He doesn't even agree to have dinner with her in 15. He allows it to happen because Aisha set it up. She knows what's going on, and she has given him permission to have this.

Aisha had to be the one to give him permission because his previous powerset was for her, and now it doesn't work with her, either. At the same time as his second trigger was stewing under the surface for Taylor, he was losing his power's connection to Aisha because their powers didn't work together and he kept being forced to forget she exists. He had lived for her before, and being Super Big Brother was exactly what Brian wanted to be. Now, Aisha doesn't want to be lived for. She wants to be her own person.

Brian spends the next several arcs simply living for Taylor.

I strongly suspect that the side effect of Brian's power is that it makes him pathologically need to be 100% responsible for others. No matter how dumb everyone's plans are, he always has to be there. No matter how stupid it is, Coil told him being a villain will allow him to get his sister back. No matter how dumb it is, he tells Taylor she has to sit out running from the Nine in arc 13 because she might be tired. He pays for it.

Brian's powers will probably never actually allow him to get over Taylor Hebert. It's like Taylor and bullies. No amount of therapy or time will get Brian's shard to let the fuck go.

So when the girl whom you are physically incapable of not thinking about leaves and goes to prison and tells every single person on the planet exactly how weak you are, who goes to an even more dangerous situation where you cannot follow her, what can you do?

The only possible thing. Try your absolute damnedest to pretend you never knew her.

You walk out of that meeting with the most powerful people in the world because she is there. You go find yourself somebody else. Another girl. Taylor hated her little boobs? This girl has big boobs. Taylor can't stay away from violence? Cozen seriously appears to have never even seen a corpse.

When Taylor comes back, Brian greets her with the new girl on his arm. He tries to shake her hand. Time has passed. There's nothing between them any more.

The next day, Grue is presented with the choice of pushing back against Taylor and standing with the new girl, whoever she is, or supporting Taylor. He chooses Taylor.

Of course he does. The situation calls for it. The situation has given him permission.

#worm #parahumans #brian laborn #ward #kuno speaks #thanks for reading to the end #i know this was long and personal #talk to me about it if you want #please

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jamieclawhorn · 7 years

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7 ways to hold on to your winners

I recently explained that selling your winners and hanging on to your losers can hurt returns for most investors. Whereas the alternative strategy – run winners and cut losers – is endorsed by everyone from academics to super-investor Warren Buffett. So how have you got on since my article? Dumped a couple of dogs in your portfolio while smiling as your best performer scales more dizzying heights? Or better yet perhaps, have you done nothing at all? Most investors are prone to over-trading. Either way, good for you! However, I suspect that of the tens of thousands of readers out there, a fair number read my article, nodded sagely – and within days sold some position they had just because it had gone up a lot. I am confident of this because, as I previously explained, the desire to sell winners is hardwired into our brains. And because I’ve done it myself, even though I know the theory of why I shouldn’t!

7 anti-selling strategies

Fact is, unless you’ve gone the logical brain of Mr. Spock, you can’t expect to overcome your emotions and instincts without a fight. You need to tame the urges to lock in those tasty gains too soon. Voila! Here are seven strategies to help you keep your winning shares. Note I’m presuming you’re a Foolish-style investor in great companies. That is where you’ll find the few mega-outperformers that can reward ultra-tenacious long-term holders. (If you’re a day trader punting whatever penny stock is hot on the bulletin boards right now, you’re on your own…)

1. Go for a walk

Seriously! Similar to how people often overeat out of boredom, or find it hard to give up smoking because they’re used to the ritual as much as the nicotine, trading your portfolio can become a mindless habit. Maybe you’re selling winners… or maybe you’re just over-fiddling with your holdings full stop? Leave well alone and go do something more constructive instead.

2. Avoid checking your portfolio too frequently

Warren Buffett says he buys companies he’d be happy to own if the market closed for ten years. Most of us aren’t going to be able to stomach that – but restricting your portfolio checking to regular reviews (monthly or quarterly, say) should help control your urge to act. Most investors are bad at reacting to short-term news or price moves. Let a long-term perspective be your edge.

3. Review the fundamentals

A share price reflects the value the market puts on a company at some instant in time, which is basically down to supply and demand. But a company’s fundamentals – its sales, margins, people, and business model – are stickier, and usually slower to change. Review your winners’ progress. Is it performing as you expected? Then why sell? Check out your favourite metrics, such as the P/E ratio or the dividend yield. The price may have risen, but if the business has grown too then intrinsic value may not have budged much.

4. Look at forecasts

Similarly, a fast-rising share price may reflect the market attempting to put a value on better prospects for superior growth. Analysts’ forecasts of profit growth are far from perfect (in fact they tend to be overoptimistic), but they can provide a sanity check that your shares have gone up for a good reason.

5. Study the graph and ask why didn’t you sell before?

I’m not a great believer in price graphs as tools to divine the future. However, I do think it’s useful to look at the graph of a winning share, to think about other times the company looked expensive, and then to see its graph eventually head higher anyway. A massive long-term winner like Apple is a good example. You’ll see many times where people argued such a gigantic company couldn’t get any bigger, or that all its great products were already out in the market – only for sales and the price to double again. Of course, Apple has been one of the greatest investments of all-time. But that’s the point! You don’t want to be spooked out of the few long-term winners too easily.

6. Consider selling a loser

I’ve already said you might be tempted to trade out of boredom. However another reason – particularly a few years into a bull market like this one – could be that you feel, perhaps subconsciously, that you’re too exposed to shares. If the thought of a market crash has you sweating – then maybe you should indeed lighten the equity load. However, look first to losing companies (with poor fundamentals) for any chop. All companies usually do badly in a stock market correction. But in a recession, weak companies can go bust.

7. Sell half

You’ve strolled around the local park, you’ve dumped some perennial losers, and you’ve reviewed your winners’ fundamentals. You’ve decided that while your high-flyer is indeed delivering, the price is just too far ahead of any valuation you’re comfortable with. Sell at last? Maybe. I’m not against selling at all costs, but remember great companies can surprise even their biggest fans (again, think Apple). One option is to sell half your shares. If you’re right and the price falls, at least you locked in some of the gain. If it continues to rise then you’ll have a new case study to rue the next time you think of selling a winner!

Buy-and-hold investing

In fact, our top analysts have highlighted five shares in the FTSE 100 that you can 'buy and forget' in our special free report "5 Shares To Retire On". To find out the names of the shares and the reasons behind their inclusion, simply click here to view it immediately with no obligations whatsoever!