#In short I've been thinking of doodling stuff for it for some time now after that one text I wrote some time ago

[doodlingwren]

The brainrot is speaking... I need to create a side account for my DnD AU of Saint Seiya or I might turn evil for real this time

[harringtonstilinski]

The Alchemy Pt2 - Eddie Munson (Smut)

Author: @harringtonstilinski​ Characters: Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader Word Count: 3,793 Warnings: fluff, micro angst Requested: no | yes; i'm saying yes on this 'cause y'all wanted a pt2, lol Smut: no | yes; oral (m+f receiving), protected piv (m+f), A/N: Hi, friends! Here's Pt2! For the schmutty scene, I grabbed some descriptive words/scenes (can't think of the word i'm looking for, lol) that I've read in books. Let me know what you thought! If you like this, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox. As always, read at your own risk and enjoy 😊

eddie munson masterlist

eddie munson playlist

FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS LATER

The past five and a half months that you and Eddie have been together has been nothing short of amazing. He treats you better than Steve ever did, takes you out on dates more than Steve did, and even does things that you want to do or talk to you about things you seem interested in.

Of course, you do all that right back for Eddie, as well. You sit and listen to him read off the newest campaign he’d written for Hellfire, you listen intently to him ramble on about new things he’s interested in, and you even try new things that he seems interested in.

You look at Eddie like he’s the most gorgeous person on the planet, and he looks at you the same exact way. The love you two have for each other grows by the second. You can’t even think about the classwork in front of you because that metal loving boy of yours infiltrates your mind.

“Hey,” you heard someone whisper. Looking around, your eyes caught Steve’s next to you. “Pay attention or else you’re gonna get called on.”

“Mr. Harrington,” Mrs. O’Donnell said. “Care to share what you’re speaking about with the rest of class?”

Steve looked at Mrs. O’Donnell, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. As he stammered, you rolled your eyes, and raised your hand and said, “Mrs. O’Donnell, he was just reminding me about picking my brother up after school.”

“NIce to see you two getting along. Now, please, a little less talking, a little more paying attention.”

You and Steve said yes ma’am at the same time before going back to your respective notes. When you began doodling again, you looked up at seeing a face in the window of the door, an instant smile blooming on your lips. Looking at the clock, you sighed. “Five more minutes,” you mouthed, not wanting to get in trouble my Mrs. O’Donnell.

The person that ended up getting into trouble was, in fact, Eddie.

“Eddie Munson,” she sighed. When she opened the door, Eddie stepped in a couple of steps. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Oh, you know,” Eddie said, leaning his shoulder against the wall near him. “Just walking around during my free period. Thought I’d come by and see my lady.” He turned his head over his shoulder to look at you, giving you a smirk. 

Covering your face with one of your hands, you looked down at your desk, whispering, “Oh, my god,” before hearing everyone in the room chuckle at your embarrassment.

Yes, Eddie embarrassed you a lot, and you let him know every afternoon when you showed up at his house. Did you embarrass Eddie? Hell no, only because nothing really embarrasses Eddie, but you’ve thought about it once or twice.

Before you could actually fall from your desk and die right on the spot, the bell rang and you sighed a breath of relief, but as you gathered your stuff, you heard Steve whisper your name. “Hmm?” you asked, looking up at him.

“Can we talk?” he asked, looking a little… dejected? What could he be feeling sad about?

“Uhh, sure,” you said. “Just let me put my stuff in Eddie’s van and then I’ll meet you at your car?”

“Actually, I was kind of hoping you’d just meet me there first.”

“Oh.” You furrowed your brows just the slightest. “Yeah. Let me, uhm… let me tell Eddie what’s going on.”

Steve nodded before standing from his desk, notebook and pencil in hand, to walk out of the room. You followed after a moment and a head shake later, finding Eddie waiting for you at your locker.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he smiled.

Chuckling, you twisted the lock on your locker to the correct numbers as you responded, “Okay. Keep that nickname for your guitar,” you said, placing your school belongings into their homes. Closing the door, you looked at Eddie with all the love and affection you could muster. “I think I’ll stick with the nickname you unknowingly gave me.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

Wrapping your arms around Eddie’s neck, you didn’t care that you had a small audience, and by audience; almost the whole of Hellfire. “Love. Baby. Babe. My love.” Placing your lips on his, you sighed, waiting to do this all day.

Sure, the two of you kissed, but it wasn’t sweet like the one you were currently sharing. The ones you’d shared during the day were more chaste; short and sweet. Not sweet; long and unmoving.

At the sounds of all the kissy sounds and ooh’s and aah’s coming from the rest of the group, you split apart and turned your heads to face your friends, Eddie’s voice cutting through to say, “Okay, you’re all dead in the next campaign.”

When the group went quiet, you could see the horror in their eyes; they’d spent weeks building up their characters' healths and stats. They didn’t want to die within a couple of rolls of the dice. 

Looking up at Eddie, you ran your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’ll meet you at the van in a few minutes.”

“Why, what’s up?” Eddie asked, placing one of his hands on your cheek. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, it’s just…” You paused for a moment, trying to put together the right words in the right order. “Uhm, Steve’s asked me to meet him at his car so we can talk. I’m not sure what he wants to talk about, though.”

Dropping his hand to the juncture of your neck and shoulder, all Eddie could do was look into your eyes. “You’re not…-”

“Oh, god, no!” you exclaimed. “I’m not taking him back. You have nothing to worry about. I love you.”

Softly smiling and bringing his hand to tuck a strand piece of hair behind your ear, Eddie continued to look at you. “Okay, sweetheart. And for the record; I love you, too.”

Smiling at your amazing boyfriend, you rose up to your tiptoes, placing a kiss to his lips. “You better or else I’m gonna expose your newest campaign to Hellfire and have them kick your sorry little ass.”

Placing a hand over his heart, Eddie feigned hurt. “You wouldn’t.”

As you place your heels back on the ground, your smile never faltering, you respond, “Yes, I would. Now, march your hot ass to your van, blast your favorite tape at the moment, and wait patiently for me, okay?”

“Okay, princess,” Eddie replied, cupping your cheek. He placed a sweet kiss to your lips before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, all but dragging you out of the school and to the parking lot. 

When you saw Steve looking down as he was leaning against his car, you couldn’t help but feel a little sad for him. I wonder what’s gotten him so down, you thought to yourself. Looking back up at Eddie, you kissed him before telling him you’d meet him at his van before walking over to Steve.

“Steve?”

The King himself looked up at you before quickly wiping at his eyes. Ever the comforting person that you are, you set your stuff down on the hood of his car and quickly made your way over to him, the both of you wrapping your arms around each other.

You let him silently cry on your shoulder for a few minutes before quietly asking, “What happened?”

Picking his head up, Steve whispered, “Nancy broke up with me. Turns out, she was cheating on me with Jonathan the last six weeks.”

“Oh, shit, Steve. I’m so sorry.” As his eyes met yours, you could see the question swirling within them. “Steve-”

“No, I know your answer, and I don’t expect you to dump Eddie to come back to me. I mean, I do want you to come back to me, but… as a friend, not a girlfriend. I miss you… a-as a friend.”

“Steve, it’s okay if you miss me like that, too. It’s just… I love Eddie, and honestly, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with him. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy with you, too, but… there’s certain things that Eddie does that’s… different from you.”

“How’s he treating you?”

“I think you know that answer,” you chuckled.

The smallest of smiles appeared on his lips before he responded, “Like a princess.”

“Exactly.”

It was quiet between the two of you for about a minute before Steve said, “The way I should’ve treated you.”

“Steve-”

“No, let me get this out,” he said. “You’re an amazing girl, and I should’ve treated you a lot better than what I did right there at the end.”

“Your jealousy is what ended our relationship, Steve. You got super fucking jealous that I was trying to make time to spend with Eddie. I mean, you were hanging out with all your basketball friends, as well as Tommy H. and Carol. You never let me have free time to spend with my friends.”

Nodding along to your words, he agreed. “Yeah. I was a pretty big asshole, wasn’t I?” He chuckled at the end of his statement.

“You were. But I know that you can get back to the Steve that I fell in love with.”

Smirking at you, Steve said, “Thanks. For being there for me.”

“Steve, I’m still your friend, and I’ll always be here for you.” Giving him a hug, you welcomed the embrace you gave to him, feeling his arms going around your middle. Pulling away, you said, “I have to go. If you need anything, just call my line. You know my number.”

“Thanks,” Steve said again before getting into his car, watching you walk to Eddie’s van.

Once you got close enough, Eddie slid out from his seat to catch you as you jumped into his arms. He spun you around a couple of times before stopping to just hold you for a moment. Looking out over at Steve, he gave a curt nod, your ex-boyfriend giving one back before he drove away.

Setting you back down on your feet, Eddie’s hands rested on your waist as he looked you into your perfectly colored eyes. “How was your talk?”

“It was… good,” you said, a small smile creeping up on your face. “He just needed someone to be there for him.”

With furrowed eyebrows, Eddie asked, “What happened?”

“Uhm,” you said, taking a deep breath. “Nancy’s been cheating on him with Jonathan for the last two months. He also wanted us to be friends again, and came to the realization that he didn’t treat me the way you do. I told him I’d always be there for him ‘cause, ya’know… that’s just how I am.”

“And that’s what I love about you.”

You hummed, looking up at your loving boyfriend. “I’m starving. Wanna go to Benny’s? I got cash!”

“Where’d you get it?” Eddie asked, walking you around to the passenger seat, which Eddie has dubbed as your seat.

“Told my mom that I’d be home late, so she gave me cash.”

“What about your brother?”

Shrugging, you replied, “He has A/V Club today, so he’ll probably go to Mike’s house afterward and play some D&D.”

“Wait. He plays?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, nodding. “He loves it. He and his friends play in the basement of the Wheeler’s house. I think one of their campaigns lasted ten hours!”

“Holy shit. Sounds like one hell of a campaign,” Eddie smiled. “I would love to play with him and his friends one day.”

“You might!” you happily exclaimed. “I’ve been telling them about Hellfire, and of course the end of the year party last year was at our house, and he was telling me when you guys left that night that he wanted to be a part of Hellfire when he got into High School.”

“And he will. I’ll make sure of it.”

Chuckling, you replied, “Eddie, you’re gonna graduate by then.”

He shrugged. “You never know. Especially with Mrs. O’Donnell.” The roll of his eyes and snarl of his lip make your chuckle turn into a full blown laugh. Eddie smiled, himself, at seeing the happiness on your face. Tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, he said, “How about this; how about we go to the video store, pick out your favorite movie - yes, it can be a Disney movie - and then we’ll go home and watch it while snuggling up on the couch. What do you say?”

“Hmmm, I say that’s perfect,” you said, softly before placing your lips sweetly upon his.

~~~

What ended up with you and Eddie watching a sweet innocent movie turned into a full blown make-out session right there on the couch. You both were thanking your lucky stars that Wayne was already at work. 

You were straddling his lap, sitting up as straight as you could with Eddie’s hands splayed out on your back, your tongues and lips moving together in sync. His lips moved from your own to your cheek down to your jaw and then finally landed on your neck, where he worked your sweet spot.

“Fuck, Eddie,” you whispered, threading your fingers through his hair. “I love it when you do that.”

Unlatched his lips from your neck, he looked you in the eyes and said, “I love that I get to do this to you.”

Smiling, you brought your hands back to his cheeks, gently cupping them before replying, “I love that you love that you get to do that to me,” before kissing his lips once more.

Feeling Eddie’s slip under your shirt and up to your bra had you stilling for a moment, pulling back a little to look into Eddie’s eyes. The two of you hadn’t had sex yet, but he’d played with your nipples, and that’s as far as you would let him go. 

You wanted to have sex with Eddie, and he you, but neither of you voiced your thoughts on the subject. You thought that your make-out sessions and  it would just happen one day while the two of you were alone. Eddie wanted to have a conversation with you about it first because he didn’t want to feel like he was taking advantage of you.

Swallowing your nerves, you breathed a quiet, shuddering breath. “Eddie?”

“Yeah, princess?”

“Are we about to, uhm…”

Playing the hair by your ear before gently cupping your jaw, Eddie whispered, “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, baby. Okay? There’s no pressure.”

“No, no, I-I… I want to.” Trailing your fingertips over his bottom lip, you watched as you did, thinking about your next words before saying them, something your grandma had taught you in your youth. “I’ve been wanting to, but I was just gonna let nature take its course with it. Like, I wasn’t gonna stop you or anything.”

Lightly chuckling, Eddie replied, “Well, I was wanting to talk to you about it first, but since you’re just wanting nature to take its course with us having sex, I’m not opposed to it,” before kissing you, passionately.

Feeling Eddie standing from the couch, you wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands went to your ass to keep you from falling as your lips went to town on his neck.

Next thing you knew, you heard a door shut before your back met the mattress. You looked up at Eddie, seeing nothing but love and warmth and lust and passion and all the other words that describe the word “love”.

Softly smiling, you brought your hands up to cheeks, softly cupping them as your thumbs gently rubbed across his skin. After a few seconds, you breathed, “Have I told you recently that I love you?”

Eddie quietly chuckled, looking down at a random spot on your shirt. He loved hearing those words fall from your lips. “Everyday for three months, my love.” Lowering himself to his forearms to not crush you, he added, “I hope I get to hear it everyday for the rest of my life.”

“Rest assured, Edward Wayne, you will.” Running your fingers through his curly locks, you kept the smile that he permanently put on your lips. “Now, make love to me, Eddie.  I want to feel all of you.”

Before you could even lift your head to press your lips to his, Eddie leaned his down and gently placed his lips on yours. Your lips moved in a sweet, slow, and loving sync while shedding each other’s shirts and your bra, but before either of you could shed from the waist down, Eddie leaned back on his legs and reached up to remove the guitar pick necklace he wore.

When he grabbed your hands to sit you up, you  tried to protest, but Eddie being Eddie, he didn’t want to hear whatever it was you were about to say. “No. I want you to wear this. It was my first pick that I ever received.”

“Eddie, I-”

“Baby, you mean the world to me, and I would love nothing more than to see your beautiful naked ass wearing nothing but this,” he continued, holding the chain by the ends in between the two of you. “I love you. You mean everything to me.”

With tears in your eyes, you moved your hair from your neck to over your shoulder just  before Eddie leaned forward to place the necklace around your neck, fastening it  in place.

“There,” he whispered. “It looks better on you anyway.”

You couldn’t help the emotion that was washing over you.  “Kiss me, you fool.”

Laughing, Eddie placed his lips on yours once again, laying you back down. Neither of you knew how much time had passed before he placed his forehead on yours, lightly panting from the makeout sessions you two just had.

“Eds?”

“Yes, my love?”

“Are we gonna have sex now?”

Letting out a breathy chuckle, Eddie looked at you while his hand trailed down  your sternum and belly to the button on your jeans. “Yes, baby. We’re going to have sex now.”

Popping the button of your jeans, Eddie leaned back up to unzip them before pulling material, as well as your underwear, down your legs, dropping them to the floor beside him. You reached forward, popping the button on his jeans as well before sliding his zipper down.

Getting off the bed, Eddie removed his jeans and boxers, his hard cock standing at attention. Smirking while reaching into his nightstand for a condom, he asked, “Like what you see, love?”

“Oh, I very much like what I see,” you said, sliding off the bed to kneel in front of him. Without another word, you grabbed his cock while looking into his eyes before dragging your tongue on the underside of his length, feeling the prominent vein pulse.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Eddie breathed. “You gonna take my cock in your mouth?”

Not giving an answer, you took him into your mouth, closing your eyes and letting out a soft moan before bobbing your head. Sure, you’d given blowjobs before but none that you enjoyed. Even though this is your first time giving Eddie one, you were actually enjoying it… and so was Eddie.

You’ve told him stories about your hair being grabbed, or the guy facefucking you when you asked him not to do it. So, as Eddie watches you do your thing, he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Grabbing at his own hair, he leaned his head, letting out a soft, guttural “Ffffuuuuuuuucccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk,” and before he could bust his load down your throat, he reached down and tapped your cheek. “Stand up, my love.”

Standing, you looked confused, inwardly telling yourself that you already fucked up.

At seeing the look on your face, Eddie cupped your cheeks, a soft smile on his face. “If I didn’t stop you, I would’ve come down your throat. I want to be inside your pussy when I do that.”

“Well, I guess you better get to it then,” you said, smiling cheekily.

“Oh, I will. But, first, I gotta taste you.” 

Before you knew it, while giggling,  your back met the mattress again, your legs spreading before a gasp left your lips at the feeling of Eddie’s tongue on your aching cunt. “Fuck, Eddie. Holy shit.” Your brain was going a million miles an hour as Eddie lapped and sucked and kissed your core. “Oh,my–” Your words were cut off as your release hit you out of nowhere.

As Eddie kissed his way back up your stomach to  your lips, all he could do was smile, and as he kissed you, you could feel it on your lips, as well as taste yourself on your tongue. “How was that?” he asked, that smile ever present on his face.

“Fucking amazing,” you breathed. “Now, stick that cock inside me and make me come again.”

Without missing a beat, Eddie looked at the foil package in his hands, tearing it open before rolling the condom down his length. Looking down at his length, Eddie grabbed it, guiding it to your entrance, pressing the tip of his cock gently into you as he looked into your eyes. Once you gave him a nod of approval, he guided his cock inside of you, both of you groaning at the feeling of each other.

“Damn, baby,” Eddie gritted out, trying to keep his breathing in check. “You feel fucking amazing.”

“Oh, my– fuck!” You couldn’t concentrate on anything let alone form words as his cock pounded into you, your back arching the slightest bit. “That’s it, Eddie-” Moan. “Just like that. Don’t stop, baby.”

Eddie could feel sweat start to form on his brow, his own grunts and moans mixing with yours. “Fuck, baby, I don’t think-” Moan. “I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer.” He could feel his balls start to tighten, his impending orgasm creeping up on him. “Yeah, I won’t last much longer.”

“Keep going,”  you breathed. “I’m almost there, I’m almost–” Your own orgasm cut off  your words, your walls tightening on Eddie’s cock as he rocked his hips one, two, three more times before his own orgasm hit.

While the two of you were coming down from your highs, the only things you heard and felt were both of your heavy breathing and Eddie’s lip on your shoulder before feeling his forehead rest on yours.

“I love you,” Eddie whispered.

As you opened your eyes, a soft smile danced on your lips, your hands coming up to cup his cheeks ever so gently before replying with your own whispered words, “I love you, too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N 2:  hi, friends! i'm so so sorry this took forever to get out. writer' block hit me like a brick! plus, i've been reading books like crazy, and i've gone in and out of depression episode. thanks for sticking around! let me know what you thought! again, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox.

Additional Notes: i'm trying to add the character masterlists and playlists onto all my one-shots from here on out! let me know if it makes it easier for y'all to back and choose!

~~~

Forever / Everything Taglist: @stiles-o-dylan24 @stixnstripesworld @fandom-princess-forevermore @quanticobae @mischiefandi @kellyashcroft @lauren-novak​

If you’re tagged and didn’t want to be, please let me know.

Italics wouldn’t let me tag!

~~~

*Please don’t post my writing anywhere else without my consent. The author of this work will always and forever be @harringtonstilinski​.

All characters, story lines, and plot aside from y/n and her storyline & plot, are all of the work of The Duffer Brothers.

*These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.

No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

Posted on November 21, 2024

[paper-mario-wiki]

i'm loving seeing you post more of your art!! out of curiosity, how long have you been drawing? is there anything specific you do to practice or do you just pick something and draw it? (i've been trying to learn to draw myself for the past year or so, and seeing your art more often has become somewhat of an inspiration for me!)

ive been doodling all my life! thought when i say "doodle" i mean "as an unmedicated youth i was unable to focus on a drawing for more than 45 minutes at a time"

here's some posts from an art blog i had in middle school, and the first year of highschool.

what most critically separates this art from the art ive been doing recently is that i NEVER used any refrence. ever. i looked at stuff to make sure i knew what it looked like, but the rest was always roughly estimated based on what i thought would look good (which was largely based on cartoons).

but i only ever started trying to "learn how to draw" over the past year. here's the thing: spending a bunch of hours practicing drawing cubes and cylinders is like. all you have to do to see yourself start improving in real time.

draw a bunch of cubes and cylinders, and learn how to make them look realistic in proportion to each other using references to guide you. practice drawing stuff like basic buildings, cans of soda, maybe a cake (3 short fat cylinders on top of each other) if you're feeling daring. then try to draw slightly more complicated shapes, like spheres and cones and stuff. layer these shapes on top of each other to make more complicated shapes. you're gettin the picture.

infuriatingly, basic shapes is like 40% of the "getting it to click" work done.

after than, move on to 30 second sketches of nude models using this site. yeah, only 30 seconds. it doesnt matter if it comes out looking like shit, the point is learning how to simplify complicated shapes down into their most basic lines. dont waste time erasing. dont waste time pressing ctrl-z. erasing is your enemy. you arent learning how to erase, you're learning how to draw. (you'll get your eraser back later).

do this hundreds of times. yeah, hundreds. put on a podcast or something. get in a voice call with your friends. but ya gotta practice this one. that's the next 20% of making it "click".

now, unfortunately, the last 40% is just a matter of slamming your head against the wall of art until things slowly start to look better and better. it's sort of like a chemical formula, in that the closer you get to 100% purity, the more and more difficult it becomes to distill it.

the key is to ALWAYS use reference. you cannot learn how to realistically draw something you've conjured from your mind if you cannot depict something that's right in front of you realistically.

im currently in this valley, as most artists are. in fact i dont think it's possible to make art "click" in your mind 100%, but it sure is fun to inch closer and closer!

below is a bunch of art in chronological order from april to now. you'll see that it's not really a straight road of getting better and better, but you'll see my lines slowly getting more confident and details becoming more clearly defined!

[queen0fm0nsterz]

I saw you post about Seafarers, but to me, your finest work will always be Fifteen Notes to You, reread all of it the other day and... yeah, it still hits like a fucking bullet train.

I genuinely don't think it's possible to capture Mono's descent into insanity better than you did here. It reminds me a little of The Last Weekend from the anthology Inside no.9, in that, you know, both from the story itself and the context it exists in, that it won't have a happy ending, but the humanization of the characters just forces you to cling to hope that something will go right. But that rarely, if ever, happens in The Nowhere.

FNTY... Now THAT'S a name I haven't heard in years...

Thank you so much!!!! I'm super grateful to see folks still enjoy my old stories :)it seems to be the general consensus even among my friends that FNTY is the best complete fic I've put out. Reading thru the comments, I remember one of a person who told me that it made them cry - and the comment made ME cry LMAOOOOOOO😭

I'm very proud of it myself as it was not only my first published fic, but my first multichaptered fic I ever completed as well. Though I am a slow writer (SEAFARERS CHAPTER 5 IS IN THE WORKS😭), for FNTY it was never because I had excessive trouble figuring out what to put on paper - especially never when in regards to the letters themselves. The most troubling parts were the in betweens, funnily enough.

Mono and Thin Man come very naturally to me when writing. I think it may be because I tend to interpret them as having very big feelings... like myself, I guess. And since the story itself is short, I suppose that I managed to make the thing itself feel like there are many big feelings in a tiny box. I will admit I got emotional myself a couple of times... then went on to edit like nothing was wrong LMAOOOO like this is how I looked writing and then editing vvv

For Seafarers, the emotional payoff has yet to come, and it will be different -- considering we have World's Most Emotionally Constipated Woman and Our Strongest Soldier (the PTSD has yet to hit because she's still actively experiencing the horrors) as the protagonists this time.

Six and the Lady are both considerably harder to write for me. I had my chance to write the Big Feeler at the very beginning because the stakes there were skyrocketing from the getgo, but now things have gotten considerably more... silent. The feelings are there but they're all kept in. OUGHHHHHHHHH

I also can't wait to introduce more stuff; I've been writing down concepts for shadow magic and powers, how the Maw works, the various things the Lady of the Maw has to look after to keep it afloat... and the Ladies. Look, I'll say that I'm really happy with what I'm doing with Teapot and Rascal. And with Teapot in general. I really like the characterization I pulled out of my ass LMAOOOOOO and the DESIGN... ok so I'm willing to share a couple of the Teapot's I've doodled

(She's genuinely very silly [read: sick in the head]... i gave all the Ladies some nice additional details because. Ik the point is that they all look very similar but I love designing outfits fuck it this is MY au i do what I want)

So right now I have a suspicion that Seafarers will hit better when it's finished and can be read from beginning to end. Since it's longer (I plan it to be... around 15 chapters? A bit longer if the events require it to be.), there will be more time to let the stuff brew until it reaches its climax as intended.

[rose-of-pollux]

I've been posting fanfics since 2008, and up until 2016 (when I finally got an AO3 account) I almost exclusively posted on fanfiction.net. Since then, I usually try to cross-post long fics.

Long story short... in my attempts at trying to cross-post my current Indiana Jones Scooby parody/tribute, it's been one headache after another as far as FFN is concerned (chapters appearing and disappearing, the entire fic itself appearing and disappearing, only half my notifs coming through, zero notifs coming through...).

It's clear to me that FFN is currently being held together with toothpicks and string right now, and if you, like me, have been posting on FFN since before AO3 became mainstream, they are in more danger than ever of being lost if you haven't backed them up.

And while I have backed them up on my computer, there are a lot of stories on there (mainly my very, very old fics) that aren't posted anywhere else. Initially, I was of the thought that "Okay, well, those fics are very, very old and are nowhere near as good as my current stuff, so... yeah, I've got the backups, once FFN goes down, they'll be put to rest."

Except that I got to thinking about a Pokémon fic that I read back in 1999 or 2000 that shaped me so much--

...That fic was on a handcrafted fan site that disappeared when those kinds of sites were unsustainable. I never read it again, and if I could have the chance to read it again, right now, I'd gladly do so (and being actually able to comment on it).

...And then, it hit me, if I let those old, old FFN fics die along with the site, I'd be potentially doing the same thing to my old readers and those who would potentially find them later. At the same time, I would still want those old, old fics separate from my newer stuff, simply because my newer stuff is at a quality honed from decades of practice.

And then I found the answer, thanks to AO3's pseuds feature--

I haven't done anything with it yet, but once Fictober is over and I have a bit more breathing room, I fully intend to bring over the complete fics that, according to my old story stats pages, are among the most popular of my old stuff. I don't intend to bring over everything (there are some fics which are just pencil doodles compared to my newer masterpieces, plus I doubt that any of those really old WIPs will ever be updated, so there's no point in bringing the WIPs over), but I'll be open to requests if people really, really want me to archive a fic or WIP I ignore over onto AO3.

[juniper-pines]

Help Please! Commissions! Art for Doodles! Drive to Immediately Stabilize!

So I have a little under 80 days as of this writing to make about $8,000.00 - $10,000 USD

I have been struggling without work. Unpayed bills from the past few months have piled up. I've lost so much already, and I'm at risk of losing even more. On top of that, I need to move halfway across the country by the end of October, since the family I'm staying with is moving out of the country. I can't really follow them with my financial situation.

This escalation happened about a week after I had finally reached a point where I'm able to complete commissions and take in new ones. So now I have additional plans and schedules and stuff that need to be done... Additional money needs to be made, and fast, before I can settle into a more sensible work flow.

So... I'm doing everything. EVERYTHING! Whatever I can do! It's crunch time x1000!

The Quick Summary:

I have a Carrd now! There, you can find links to all my socials, Patreon, Ko-fi, GoFundMe, the form for requesting Commissions or Doodles-For-Donations and Monthly Patreon Doodles, and more! Check it out: https://juni-p.carrd.co/

My Patreon has been updated and makes sense finally! Monthly Doodles can be requested from the form at the bottom of the Commissions page on my Carrd for each monthly Patreon contribution!

You can request Doodles-For-Donations on that same form if you're donated anywhere! Ko-fi, Patreon, wherever! Check out the bottom of the Commissions page on my Carrd for info and a link to the form!

Commissions are open for requests right now! I'll start taking new ones very soon, so get your requests in! Look for the form link on the bottom of my Carrd's Commissions page!

My GoFundMe is still available, and has been updated with info about the move and such. You can read that for more info about it all and donate if you're feeling generous <3 (Also, this still counts for Doodles-for-Donations, too, if you want!)

Soon I'll have a store! With stickers and stuff! Maybe even shirts! I'll send out notifications when there's merch and stuff up, and the links will be up on my Carrd too!

Lots more specifics below, so keep reading! And thank you in advance for any help!

MILESTONES:

I have an income tracker on the Carrd, under News. When I hit a milestone, I'll be doing something special! ...though I haven't figured out what the special thing is just yet! Pls let me know if you have ideas. I wanna make it nice b/c TYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYthankyou~

PATREON INCENTIVES!

All Patreon backers now get a Doodle per month! Details and request form are on the Carrd! It's the same form as Commissions, so just make sure you pick the "Patreon" option, okay? I'm still thinking of what other incentives I can put on there. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know! I really appreciate y'all so much~

KOFI and Donation Doodles!

Like the Patreon doodles, but for one-time donations and things like that I'll be doing these whenever I'm on stream, too, so come say hi! Same request form! It's all on the Carrd!

Commission Requests are open!

I'll be taking new ones soon, once I get more of my backlog done, so if you want a commission, get your requests in! Pricing and details all on the Carrd! I'm working hard <3 <3

Also I'm doing Animations now, too! And YCH stuff soon! I'm excited about it!!! :D :D :D Pic related to both <3 (Thank you X!!!)

GoFundMe

My GoFundMe's been updated to explain my situation some, and to help give me some relief from the amount of work I now have to do in such a short time. Shares, reblogs, etc, are just as appreciated as the donations. Thank you <3

I'm also opening a RedBubble with stickers and prints and stuff!

I don't know what to put there yet, but I already have the storefront and such. More to come soon, of course <3 It's empty at the time of posting, but there'll be stuff there soon!

Finishing commissions comes first, of course~

If you read all of that, TY

I am going through the climax of this whole ordeal I've been in for the past few years and/or most of my life Honestly, the uncertainty hitting such a high is scary, but I'm gonna do my best ( TuT)9 My DMs on Discord are always open if you have any thoughts or questions, okay? TY, everyone, for sticking with me through it all <3

[pixelbytesquad]

Okay so- mistakes may had been made :'D

In the sense of I may end up slipping in another interest/fandom- tbf I don't see myself fully joining cause I'm still stuck in bakugan atm, but idk for how long (but even then I'm sure it will hit me back again, these stage don't fully leave, they hit back later on)

Anyways, recently I've got in my recommended videos about Happy Tree Friends and ended up watching the shorts on YouTube.

On one hand, I love the cute art style and characters... on the other, for those who don't know, Happy Tree Friends isn't a show made for kids. Despite it's cute appearance it's pretty much a gore fest (and I'm not that good on heavy gore).

I may draw some of the characters from time to time and post on here, mainly cause, again, the characters are cute, and I enjoy drawing cute animal characters (like, I literally have a bakugan AU where I turn the cast into cats, cure critters is like, one of my quirks/signature traits of my style).

And well, I did sketch some things- (including a silly crossover thing with bakugan since, brain's thinking about both of these shows)

First of all

Flaky! I think she's my fav of this franchise (gently scooping her up and placing her near my other favs- I MAY draw her interacting with them at some point)

Second, Flippy/Fliqpy- there are more, but these are the only ones I will show (I ain't proud of the first 2).

I don't really have much to say- I'll admit I do like Flippy on his own.

And last(-ish), Pop and Cub.

Pop is just- I kinda love-hate him??? Dude's sometimes unaware of the dangers his son is in, but at least he does sometimes show that he cares (and mourns) when something happens to his son.

Cub deserves the world he's just a baby- a itty bitty baby boy-

And since I mentioned bakugan earlier- ngl now I'm thinking about 2 dysfunctional families where the father is bad (but at least Pop kinda tries to be decent, meanwhile Clay is- yeah)

I want to punt Clay- so hard-

And since I drew the dads- here are the kids too

In case you can't understand the handwritting

Spectra: "Well, have fun babysitting!"

Mira: "W-WAIT- DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE-"

He left her alone- I mean, he definitely went after the milk- Mira is left alone at baby sitting duties-

Ngl I kinda missed drawing silly crossover stuff- I should def draw more silly shenanigans, esp including my favs.

Also posting these doodles on main (I want to keep the bakugan doodles account strictly for bakugan stuff, so crossover doodles will go on main, or I may make a separate blog for crossovers, I'll see)

[fruitsparty]

for no particular reason i'm just gonna text dump about my life as it currently stands as of nov 12 2023

things are going fairly well. i've been working at my library for the past two years and earlier this year i became full-time so things feel steady. it's not amazing money by any means, but it's the most i've made in my life. i have the best coworkers i could ask for and i count myself lucky for that, and can only hope to keep them in my life for as long as possible. the city that i'm employed by does some bullshit sometimes but it's never been malicious or anything like that. as far as careers are concerned, libraries were never on my radar, but this gig was a happy accident that i am content with. i still don't know if it's something i want to do for a long time, as i have never been particularly interested in the field, but maybe it's something i will learn to love.

i finally bought my first car at the very end of september, and the process of acquiring it fucking sucked, but it's all behind me now and i can enjoy not having a piece of shit for a vehicle. i never liked the idea of owing anybody anything, so it hurt a lot to spend half of my savings towards the car and still have years of payments to make on it in a time where rates are higher than before. still, it's kind of nice slowly building a life piece by expensive-ass piece with purchases like that. i'm trying to be a financially responsible person with what i have while keeping in mind that life is short and sometimes getting sushi or going to the movies is nice.

i've started going to the gym back in July, and it was the natural next step towards bettering my health and body image as i age. i took up running back in 2021 because of my lovely girlfriend and it went from being enjoyable to obligatory as time went on, although i still enjoy it in some capacity. the gym was both a way for me to keep things interesting as well as to get physically stronger. i'm still learning, but i know more about making the most out of my time in and out of the gym while still trying to be casual about it. part of me wishes that i took up this kinda stuff a long time ago, but as they say, better late than never.

as for what i have to look forward to, Jenny and I will be going to see Anamanaguchi in LA this Friday, and it's gonna be a blast. I've wanted to see them in concert since i was in high school, so this will be very fulfilling for my old teenage desires. i don't really draw much anymore, which is kind of sad, but also there's just so much going on in my personal and professional life that leaves little left for much else. i still doodle on occasion, but i think i have long abandoned any sort of artistic pursuit.

otherwise, i am just going to keep doing what i'm doing and try to keep my head above water. as a person who has been very aimless since 18, with no credentials or accolades or higher education to his name, with little to no ambition for anything, and with a body and mind that feel at odds with the world and its demands, i think i'm finally doing okay, and that feels good. i still have a long way to go, but maybe life isn't so bad after all

[thetreetzar]

asks 1-49

(no pressure I just thought youd enjoy answeing all of them bc I certainly do, also im genuinely curious)

Thank you!

This is a lot, so I'll put it under a cut

1. I kind of get freckles in the summer

2. I like tea and coffee. I like milk and sugar in both, but really only like coffee if it has loads of sugar.

3. Talking in Your Sleep from the FNAF movie

4. Not sure how I sleep. I seem to wiggle around. Once managed to very nicely unbury a blanket and correctly position it in my sleep

5. I sometimes will have stuffies on my bed

6. I prefer drawing silly little doodles

7. 1-3 blankets. Need a weighted blanket and then I'll have a quilt/blanket or two if it is cold

8. Favorite bands/artist are The Longest Johns, Uamee, and Hozier

9. My birthday is July 19th

10. I am 5 feet tall

11. My eyes are blue/green/grey-ish but I just say blue on my ID

12. My mutuals (especially June), My in-person friends, and Tom Scott

13. Changes in routine, not being able to live on my own, the future, <hj>the kids at my school</hj>

14. I like blue

15. I love winter and snow and the cold (I overheat too easily for other seasons)

16. I would love to have tattoos. Maybe like a trans thing on my thigh and definitely some nonsensical little guys

17. I think piercings would be fun. I have kind of thought about angel bites/fangs, industrial/helix, eyebrow, and septum. (I would not turn down those spin for a free piercing things)

18. The last person I've texted is my dad

19. My best (and longest) friend is Momo. I've known them since September 2014.

20. I miss Toys R Us, ketchup chips, and some friends I've lost touch with

21. My day has been good. I am making progress in cleaning

22. I got maybe like 6 hours of sleep last night

23. Aliens probably exist somewhere in the universe

24. I don't remember when the last time I cried was, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with my parents arguing and my brother and I being in the middle of it (my parents are restarting marriage counseling soon, don't worry)

25. I liked 2005-2010, it was nice being a little kid

26. Childish things I like include kids meals, the fun stuff made for babies, baby snacks like the puffs and Cheetos

27. I like too many books, but Louise Jenson is a great author, Because Internet was great, and I'm currently reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series

28. How am I? Absolutely terrified of graduating high school and being a Real Adult™️ 😀

29. Oh it can take forever for me to decide things. My strategy is that if it passes peer review and/or still seems like a good idea after a week or two than I should do it

30. I am looking forward to duck club on thursdays

31. I can't wait to get top surgery! (Hope to get it before 26 so I can still be on my parent's insurance)

32. If I could go anywhere, I'd go to Toys R Us/Canada and to visit my friends and mutuals

33. I sleep with the door closed because my cat Loki is not to be trusted

34. I like roses (trans flower) and sunflowers (tasty seeds)

35. I derive great serotonin from my mutuals <3

36. I like my middle name, now that I've chosen it myself

37. I love all animals

38. I don't think I have any proper phobias, just a lot of anxiety

39. It is easy for me to stay up late, however I can no longer be fine staying up late and getting up early the next day

40. I haven't really been to the beach. I prefer partly cloudy, like sunny but not hot or too warm

41. My favorite cartoon is Natural Habitat Shorts

42. Five of my favorite blogs are @one-time-i-dreamt @alltimemathhater @70snasagay @hrkrkrwpfrbrbrlablblblblwhitooap @shiftythrifting (sorry if being tagged in this annoyed anyone)

43. I have a younger brother

44. Probably my friends and mutuals are the last people I've said "I love you" to

45. I'd die for my pets, friends, and mutuals

46. I need a weighted blanket and probably also a snack when I'm sad

47. I have both my cell and landline numbers memorized

48. I feel I could trust my friends Momo and Vennie with my life

49. The last text I sent is asking where my dad parked

Thank you for the ask, and for reading this far if you have

[dark-roasted-kestel]

So here I am already thinking of things lol

Lac mac, cookie, betina and flips were the main stars of the show, tho lac was more of the star than anything

Lac mac was in the circus at a very young age and has tried to escape so many times, almost like it was a weekly thing or something, his last attempt was when cookie was captured, he tried to escape with lac and it didn't end well for the both of them

While lac had a bunch of talent and would do a lot of everything (not sure if there's an actual word for it) cookie was like a clown forced to do acrobatics, didn't help that his eyesight got poorer and he wasn't good at acrobatics at all (i mean with the lack of food they probably get, they all probably don't have a lot of energy, also cookie is just unfit and have some sort of breathing problem)

betina and flips come in together, they are childhood friends:)

betina does and is very good at acrobatics

Her and cookie end up bonding while trying out new acrobatics techniques

Flips of course does the tightrope and a few other probably extremely dangerous acts

She might have wings to fly away with and loyal to her friend but also she's too dependent on betina and the others to even leave either

They all have varying things of scars

Lac mac wears uncomfortable small gloves and vest to hide all the scars on his hands and back

Some of the scars were either from being whipped, some accidents that involves fire (which were a lot, he didn't get hurt most of the time), setted up bear traps (because of fucking course rigatoni has bear traps) and basically being declawed

(also despite lac mac being strong af and can definitely kill a man with or without claws, he's terrified of what might happen if he makes any mistake, more on that with a bunch of doodles

Also basically everyone has been declawed, or in cookie's and betina's case, claws clipped too short for comfort/cut off and ripped out nails)

Cookie wore so much makeup on his face due to the whip scars on his face, so much so that his face is paler than the rest of his body, aside from the scars on his face and back, a lot of the scars appeared after they escaped the circus

Betina was very disobedient and probably got punished a lot more than lac ever did

She ends up covering up the scars more than the others, or at least at first, about a whole year since escaping she doesn't cover them up as much

Flips is probably the only one to have the least scars, at least physically, she's definitely not okay emotionally or mentally

That's probably it, for now

I'll definitely drop more stuff because i like the show and giving it more things it should've worked with

Also this is probably the most I've typed about something lol

[artistic-calathea]

DOODLE DUMP BECAUSE I HAVE NOT ACTUALLY DRAWN ANY ACTUAL ART PIECES IN A WHILE :D

These ⬇️ were over the span of about a week, and I finished it just a day or 2 ago !!

I drew these ⬇️ last month in aprilll?? I think?

I kinda just worked on it whenever I didn't have any other inspiration which is why there isn't too much

I also want to rant about these and the process n stuff a little bit so I am going to :)

Making the first one I started redrawing old stuff from a sketchbook (the person in the pretty dress, person in the sweater), and then I got distracted watching qsmp vods and drew Dapper and Juanaflipa!!

It was the first time I drew them not as eggs (so they might look totally different next time I draw them sorryyy) and it was super fun !!!! Im working on drawing all the qsmp eggs but it's not gonna be done for a bit since I am also not caught up on whats going on

the last stream I saw was a few days after the Brazilian members crashed and now I hear of France?? Idk but I'll prob try to catch up this week and finish the drawing soon :)

Also all the nature !!!! Literally my favorite thing to draw ever. I could just sit by a plant and draw it and never get bored

Sadly there are not many plants near my house so I might just have to go into the woods and look for cool plants to draw this summer heheheee oh nooo if it's the only way I guess... I just have no other option than going into the awesome woods with the nature and no other people and loud music in my headphones 😔 /sar Im so excited ajauvsv

THAT WASNT EVEN ABOUT THE PROJECT SORRY I always get distracted and ramble when talking about art (I am not going to stop doing this though its so fun!!)

Nowww about the project art,

Short version, these little sillies are being included because when I actually start the project in a few years I wanna look back on this and see how my art improved and how the story changed!

LONG VERSION...

"the project" as I've been calling it, is a goal of mine in life to create something emotional and meaningful that matters to people and can maybe help someone feel less alone :)

It is not that right now though ! At the moment it's just an idea since I don't really have the resources or skills to make it the way I would want to, but these sketches and stuff help me keep track of the idea while I get ready to make the thing

I have some papers with project stuff that I might post if anyone seems really interested in the project as it is right now (they are messy and hard to understand so I don't currently plan on uploading them anywhere)but if not I will likely just keep quietly working on it :3 and I'm definitely gonna change up a few things !! Some things on that page may not even make it into the actual project 👁️👁️

That's all I have until I draw more ! :P (also if you read all that you r automatically very cool and nice and you get 🪲 🐛🐜🐞 bugs :) /pos bug s good)

BYEEE :D

[idolapollo]

Dedicated DEV LOG #2

i'm a month late ( ´･ω･)

at least finals are over for now!!!

please don't be disappointed i tried my best to manage stress, seasonal depression, and self-doubt while writing over the past two months ( T∀T)

once again, this month's blog post is decicated to "Dedicated To…"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

man, fall quarter always sucks, and i hate when it gets so dark out so quick!!! how are you supposed to expect apollo to function without much sun!!!!!! ヽ(　`Д´)ﾉ

well, i hope everyone's been okay! i've been trying to be as mentally stable as possible… and it's kind of working! even with seasonal depression, therapy has been helping teach me how to calm myself and live to tomorrow! i did get some anxiety medication a short bit after my last dev log too, and it's been going great for me!! ( ´∀｀ )b

lately, i've been looking at other games and media and wondering what makes psychological horror so good, and what even is it? turns out no one has a set answer and it's hard to describe (´･ω･｀)

looking at the reception of mouthwashing (which i really enjoyed!!), i'm starting to get my own doubts on how scary my game really is and if i'm doing things right enough…

i started to rewrite and add stuff to the first route when i thought i was finished and going to move onto the second route….. i even made the first route much longer as a result, and now the other routes need to match up... ( T∀T)

i ended up putting in more abstract representations and symbolism of mental struggles and fears, similar to how pocket mirror does things! i also especially added more bits where you can actually play the game, as how i currently had it, the game was more of a visual novel with rpg elements and made in rpg maker instead of ren'py lmao

compared to the original script i had, i felt the game's script was set too much in realism and didn't come off as scary, especially thinking about how rpgs themselves aren't really scary since you're not playing in a 1st-person view, therefore you're not that scared because the scary stuff is happening to a 3rd party and takes you out of the immersion

it's a lot more work than i thought trying to make things scary.... you really have to look into human instinct and nature, not to sound too pragmatic ( ´_ゝ`)

before i rant a bit more, here's a preview of reyn's full art, the one tybalt is hopelessly in love with!! feel free to stop reading at this point if you think i'm annoying as shit don't worry i feel the same

i hope i made him look cute AND cool enough! i made him to my tastes after all lol

speaking of which, i hope my feelings—ugly, pitiful, relatable however they may be—get across in this game, i have a lot of anxieties around love, be it familial, platonic, or romantic, and i've always felt lonely, ignored, and out of place a lot of the time

suffice to say, i am projecting on tybalt a lot lol

honestly, i wonder if anyone even reads these, or if anyone cares at all, but i hope someone out there does

as i said in a depressing tweet, my works and stories and i may be worthless, but i like them and they get me wanting to live another day!

i hope by the next update either in the next month or two, i'll have at least two routes finished!

i'm sorry i can't show more than this, but i swear i'm putting my all into this!! especially since i want to work on a comic soon too!

i'll leave everyone with a scrapped doodle i had that i was initially going to include with an update i was gonna post before halloween, but you already know what happened (´･ω･｀)

thank you once again for following me and my stupid, worthless works! (^_^)v (and if you're interested in who exactly these characters i keep posting are, if anyone's interested i have a whole story!! but basically they're all me in a sense!)

[farer-dreamer]

Entry 5

Visdev

9/28/2024

Not a whole lot to talk about, mostly just been putting together my pitch presentation and finalizing the production schedule. Aside from that I've been chipping away at some visdev stuff as I've worked on that, have a look!

Concept art for Press 'N Hold!

…This thing took a stupid amount of time because I thought "oh if I just do it in my painting style this'll be quick". I was wrong <3 This is why we thumbnail!! A thing I love forgetting to do for whatever reason, you'd think I'd learn by now.

// Inital sketch and WIP. Spot the differences lol (more below the cut!)

Cloudskipper

Oh god this one, heeeey so remember that Chase level concept? Well itsssss this now! I decided to shift gears and focus on making it a short platforming level. Admittedly I am still on the fence about this level's aesthetic. Originally I was leaning towards some sort of dark factory/facility where you'd have to evade a monster that's constantly chasing you, but then thought no, aesthetically that might be too close to the Half Floor level. So right now I've landed on this sorta hazy surreal dream vibe. I feel like I could go further with this and add some more just basic geometric structures to add more to the surrealist vibe I want to go for in the actual level.

I wound up spending some extra time chipping away with painting this one, so the version that was in my presentation and the final version are a bit different. I don't have an accurate idea as to how long this took, but all things considered it was probably less time than the Press 'N Hold art since I y'know, actually thumbnailed and prepared for this one.

// Thumbnails and WIP, the third was the unpolished version I wound up showing in class because it was 2 AM when I was rendering and I was gonna have to be running on 4 hours of sleep doing my pitch so you can imagine how that went 👍

Lots of Doc doodles. I wanted to get a better grasp on their silhouette to better figure out their proportions, so I would start by blotting out their basic shape with am orange marker and then lining over that. They're messy, but they're supposed to be!! A big thing I struggle with is allowing myself to just, draw messy and loose and "crappily", and I found that this helped. Honestly even if they're crummy They have some charm to em.

Me and a friend kept shrinking them and making these like… "minimalist Docs" (seen mostly in the second picture) as I initially called em and eventually I landed on a design that I just. can not stop doodling. I'm calling them the Doclets.

Later down the line after doodling more of these beasts I had the galaxy brain idea of hey, I haven't designed a logo for this thing yet… what if a Doclet was one of the "R" letters in either Farer or Dreamer? So I started to sketch out what this could look like, it'll be a lot clearer and easier to edit once I try to digitalize things but its a start. Also, another friend of mine also pointed out that the R Doclet would make a great minimalist desktop icon for the game which they are SO right about that and I will probably wind up doing that.

I'm not too focused on the actual asset art right now, but I will probably chip away at logo ideas in my free time now that I've got this idea. Expect more Doclets.

[sanguine-sanctus]

Art thoughts

I rarely write my thoughts in social media. It's just something I don't like to do.

This is just a ramble that nobody cares about but I kinda need to talk about it in someway.

So, im an artist. I draw. I animate. I actually worked in a shortfilm that im really proud of! But must of the time I feel kinda useless. The short made me get better at drawing and stuff but I also think that it gave me some baggage that I just can't get through.

I don't usually draw in the style that we used for the short. In fact, I consider that I either don't have any style or that it is just wildly different to the one from the short. We worked on it for around 6 to 12 months. I was working everyday to try to get the best results that I could. I was happy and excited.

I now feel that I lost my way. I kinda cannot recognise myself in my art anymore. I try to doodle, I try to think about concepts or things that I would like to develop but when I get to it...It just isn't "enough". The drawing is sloppy, uninspired and I just can't continue working on it. So I abandon it.

I've been stuck on this cycle for quite some time and I just can't seem to get out of it. I have people tell me that I have a vision, that I have talent, yet I struggle so much. I cannot draw. Whenever I try to, I see the flaws, I don't know how to keep going...

I see my soulless doodles and I just see someone that doesn't know what kind of artistic direction must take. I don't mean a career. I mean when someone is instantly recognizable by their work. For example: Tove Jansson or J.C.Leyendecker. They are so recognizable in their work that it is just breathtaking.

I see myself lack that. And even more. I see myself lacking everywhere. It has come to the point that even just starting to draw something that isn't "from the shortfilm" pains me. Emptiness. The desire to go back to when I could stand seeing my work.

I have so many ideas. My brain doesn't stop working. Yet I can't make them a reality. It is not only sad but pathetic. I don't know how to fix this. drawing for myself isn't bringing me joy and I just think that that is unforgivable. First of all art is always for the artist, after that, you may show it to an audience.

Since we started working on a new short, I've been feeling really down. I see my friends doing amazing stuff which shows how much they care about it and I just feel like an impostor. Someone that obeys orders and ocassionally pitches ideas. I can do the style of the film yet when I try to work on my own stuff, I don't know how to proceed. I am starting to doubt who I am artistically. The film is getting to me. I don't know my "style". I have been told several times that the style of drawing is something that comes to you with time. It isn't something that sould be forced. I do not mean that.

I mean the style that you recognize youself with. Sometimes I think that I just have grown to hate the way I used to draw, and now, when I work on personal stuff outside the film that I have to work on, I just instantly hate whatever im doing.

I've had an amazing year with outstanding opportunities given to me. I feel selfish for feeling this way. I wish that this tug on my heart would dissapear. that it would vanish. But im still here. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to get past through this.

I am envious. I am bitter. I hate seeing people enjoy their work in a way I can't. I wish everyone the best. Truly. But it still pains me. I hope this feeling will go away. I will try to find a solution to this.

But I am not sure how.

[astronotchris]

Word vomit of my thoughts

I've been thinking of throwing myself in the ever increasing pile of vtubers and streaming for the past good few couple of months. Though I've never streamed before. The closest I've got to that sorta thing has been a short little series of uncut gameplay of me and my friend playing minecraft and shooting the shit some odd years ago.

And I'm excited to dive into trying all this out. I'm gonna be working with a friend of mine to design a little character, I'll roll with a pngtuber thing for a bit and they recommended me someone who can make a good model for a reasonable price for a wage slave like me. But now that I'm a paycheck away from beginning the whole process, I can't help but feel nervous. If I really do start streaming, I gotta put myself out there a bit, and I'm not entirely sure what I have to offer to differentiate myself from others. If at least just by a little bit. I don't care about being le epic number one streamer with 100000000 followers, but I'd hate to stream to an audience of none.

The only answer is to just run into this sorta thing head-on. I haven't done anything with my free time other than watching youtube and chatting with friends for like the past 5 years. Even my steam library is collecting dust. If I'm not doing anything after work, I might as well stream something, right? It could be the push I need to do stuff I wanna do. I wanna learn to draw? Have a doodle stream where chat suggests what to draw. I wanna warrant that purchase of SynthV and Cubase? Have chat write lyrics, and I use my minimal music knowledge to put something together. I wanna finnish that game I bought 7 years ago? Let's see if whoever follows me is down to see that.

Even if I have no talent in the beginning, I'll act confident and build the skills that I want in due time.

[drawnaghht]

Gonna be honest, aside from fandom events/celebrations I'm prob not gonna be very active here again, on account of busy-in-general but also, my side-accounts are still always more art-oriented.... I like to post my own arts hehe x3 so I guess I'm writing abt this as a gentle reminder to myself that it's alright to not be active & how much I really enjoy posting my own work when possible.

some more thoughts on this under cut! the blog will stay mostly usagi chronicles related with reblogs related to other usagi stuff and tmnt but I will try to keep it to my own art as I originally intended.

right now I've also been obsessing again over the Tintin fancomics and animations by @/professorcalculusstanaccount (not gonna tag them bc this is not directly related) and their work (+ just ruminating on my own old stuff) has been inspiring me enough that I'm thinking of returning to my og comics again. just in a... very subtle way. i don't like drawing attention to myself as much(as much as I should at least) and I wanna take a lot of babysteps to get back to building those up again.

for my SRTUC/TMNT2003&ROTTMNT crossover fic, I am thinking now that I want to take a similar approach in that it is mostly images, some larger text. bc I realized I do not actually enjoy writing long spans of prose. like. I enjoy making comics bc I am more used to those, but also, I am imagining things much more visually so it is hard for me to put some of these into text form at all times. I think that's why I probably haven't written this fic properly or finished any of my old fic. So a pretty normal "I explain my fic/AU idea" post, but I would like to try it in a concentrated way. I dunno how I would format this crossover on AO3 for example, but here in tumblr I could put them neatly under a cut and write away. It would be cool if I had the energy for animations/comics too bc those, while taking more time than writing, are far more enjoyable on the whole to make (but again, I am much more used to them)

I also want to explore more of a genfic (general "genre" fanfic) look at crossovers. As much as I like the Yuinardo/Leochi (Yuichi x Leo) ship, I also really enjoy exploring more unusual dynamics and situations in fanfic haha x3

my health's been slowly declining this week again and i haven't noticed next to work so I'll try to keep phone and personal internet time to a minimum now. sjdnddj i also just haven't had the energy for new art in general, so I'm basically going into spring hibernation until the next big spike in free time.

but hey! things I look forward to posting about more are some of the short comic thumbs I've been doing! I've fanart mostly for usagi chronicles right now but I'm also probably gonna post other short sketches I've done on my regular fandom art/ sketchblog, @aghhtdraws . There's a Chi/Ki (Chizu x Kitsune) doodle post I wanted to do and also a few other Usagi sketches I wanted to post.

I also like to write analysis of shows I like often enough, but writing is usually very taxing for me if it gets too long so I try to avoid it unless I have a very strong idea. Wait... have I been writing essays this entire time??? x3

I'll still tag those as #analysis bc that makes sense for me as a short tag and I don't really keep to an essay format as much, but yeah, you can block that or #aghhtposts if u don't wanna see those xP

i tag things more for my own convenience, but that is also very useful for tag blocking! (so glad xKit still works 10 years after it broke or smth)

oh! and I also wanted to post some screenshots/links from insta. both Stan and some of the crew have been posting new posts about SRTUC which have been a delight to see. ahhh im so glad the show exists and the crew seem to have a lot of good memories about it.