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btschooseafic · 3 years ago

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Hey you, what’s your dream?

Pairing: platonic!oc x ot7

Details: manager!oc, predebut/idolverse, partial BTS World!verse

Summary: Aviva gets pissed off at an executive.

Warnings: This is a fictional story based on real events. The characters presented here are not the same as their real life counterparts. (TW: discussion of body shaming/ body image issues) [Masterlist]

Track 19: Valentine’s Day

Sour Candy- Lady Gaga & BLACKPINK

“I'm sour candy

So sweet then I get a little angry”

February 14th, 2013

Soonyoung woke Aviva with a big wet kiss to her forehead.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” She held out a box of chocolates to the younger girl, beaming. Aviva rubbed her eyes and squinted up at Soonyoung, looming over her in bed. She was wearing a pretty red dress.

Aviva glanced at her phone. “Why are you up and dressed so early? Why are you waking me up so early?”

“I’ve got a pity breakfast hook-up date thing with a friend of a friend,” Soonyoung told her all in one breath. “But he only had time in the early morning, so, like, I wanted to say goodbye to you first.”

Aviva yawned. “Too bad, I was gonna make us a nice breakfast.”

Soonyoung pouted. “I could skip the pity breakfast hook-up date thing and stay with you. You’re more important, and your food tastes just as good as whatever café it is we’re going to, I’m sure.”

Aviva laughed. “Thanks for the flattery, but you should go. You’ve been complaining about how horny you’ve been lately.”

“True.” Soonyoung nodded. “Okay, I’ll go, but you do something fun for yourself today too, okay, girl?” Aviva shrugged. “Do it! I’m gonna call Hobi and make him bully you until you do!”

“Well, that’s no fun…” Aviva muttered.

Later that morning, Aviva went to the dorm as usual, to pick everyone up for their day of work. Jimin sat in the passenger’s seat next to her, unusually quiet and wearing his scarf covering his face.

“He got a cold cause he didn’t dress warmly enough when we went home for the holidays,” Jungkook told her, noticing her glancing at him every so often.

“Agh, Kookie, you didn’t have to tell her that!” Jimin protested hoarsely.

“It’s okay, manager, we still have plenty of that throat care stuff you gave us a while ago, so we’ve been testing everything that was left out on Jiminie,” Jin told her.

“Testing…?” Aviva wondered. Jimin grimaced.

“Nothing’s working,” he told her quietly.

“Hmmm. I’ve also got some special tea Soonie’s grandmother gave us over the holidays,” Aviva told him. “If you wanted to try that.” He shrugged.

“I’ll try anything at this point.” He stared at his feet. “I’m supposed to be an idol, how can I do that if I can’t sing?”

“Yah,” Namjoon said lightly.

“You can sing, Namjoon-ah,” Aviva said. He smiled at her. “...sort of.”

“Yah,” Namjoon said, again, now looking more offended.

“You could just be the hot dancer, Jiminie,” Tae suggested.

“Hmm, but Hobi-hyung,” Jimin pointed out. “And you and Kookie aren’t that bad either, Tae. Hmm, and Yoongi-hyung, sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” Yoongi wondered. Jungkook grinned as Namjoon frowned.

“Yah!” Jin said, his face squeezing up as he swung his arms around. “Joon-ah and I can be hot dancers too!” Namjoon snickered.

“You’d still be the cutest one, Jiminie,” Hoseok told him. Jimin frowned.

At the office, Jimin, Hoseok, and Jungkook went to dance practice, while Tae, Jin, and JK went to vocal practice, and Yoongi and Namjoon went to work on writing more songs. Aviva had a meeting with marketing, and then went to check on Jimin.

She found two girls waiting outside the dance studio, whispering and giggling. Aviva recognized them as some of the newer trainees, who were already fans of BTS, the maknae line in particular. They jumped when they saw her, trying to hide something behind their backs. They were holding boxes of chocolate.

Aviva smiled. “It’s alright, girls. I won’t tell the higher ups if you want to give the boys chocolates. Just don’t let their heads get too big.”

They giggled. “Thanks, manager-nim!”

“Do you mind if I wait around with you? I wanted a word with my clients.”

They shook their heads. The girls waited together in silence for a few minutes, before Aviva started up conversation again, asking what kind of chocolates they got, and how their training was going.

By the time the boys finally came out of the studio, she had given the girls her number and told them to call her if they ever had any trouble.

Jungkook and Jimin blushed as the girls handed over the chocolate boxes and then rushed off. Hoseok sighed.

“None for me?”

“You’re too old,” Jungkook told him ruthlessly. Hoseok winced.

“Aish, Avi, you’ll get me chocolate, right?”

Aviva made a noncommittal noise. Hoseok whined as the younger boys laughed.

“What’s on our schedule next?” Jimin wondered, his voice still raw.

“I’ve got vocal practice,” Jungkook told him apologetically. Jimin winced.

“I was gonna join Yoongi-hyung and Namjoon-ah if you want to come, Jiminie,” Hoseok offered. He hesitated.

“Or you can come rest in my office,” Aviva offered. “I’m just going to be working on my computer for a while, so it’ll be quiet.”

“…Okay,” Jimin said. “I could use a nap.”

As they neared her office, Aviva spotted a higher-up the boys had been having trouble with recently. She automatically shifted her body in front of Jimin, trying to hide him, but the employee saw him anyway.

“Ah, Jimin-ssi…” He sneered down at the box of chocolates. “Are you sure that’s wise?” Jimin stiffened. “You’re supposed to be having a debut soon, and they say that the camera adds twenty—”

“You have no right to speak to my client that way!” Aviva snapped. The official stared at her.

“Excuse me?”

“No. I have excused your behavior long enough,” she thought.

“Avi…” Jimin whispered worriedly behind her, gripping her arm.

“I understand that this is a competitive industry, but you have no right to say purposefully harmful things to a growing teenage boy!” She drew herself up to her full height, which was several inches shorter than the man. “How would you feel if someone had spoken to you like that when you were his age? Or is that exactly what happened? Are you stuck in a vengeful cycle because you were hurt as a child and never able to grow past it?”

“You have gone too far!” The man said, pointing his finger in her face. “I will have you fired for this! Or at the very least, suspended without pay!”

He stomped off down the hall.

“…You shouldn’t have said that,” Jimin said, looking a little tearful. “What if he really gets you fired? I mean, he’s not wrong about the chocolate, even if he could’ve said it more nicely—”

“No!” She said sharply. Jimin flinched. Aviva took a deep breath. “Jiminie, I’m sorry, I’m…” She rubbed her temples. “It’s not just you, he’s been saying comments like that to all of the boys, and to trainees even younger than you… I know people say things like that all the time, but he is definitely the worst I’ve ever personally met.”

Jimin studied her for a moment.

“Walk with me,” he said, taking her arm again.

“Where are we going?” She wondered, glancing around the hall.

“Hey, noona, I know you were standing up for us, and others, and I’m grateful for that… but it sounded a little personal too. Is there…” He massaged his throat. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

She frowned. “I’m here to help you, not talk about myself.”

“You don’t have to,” he said. “But if you want to... talking to you helps me, a lot. I just want to return the favor. You don’t always have to shoulder everything, you know, just because you’re the manager. You’re my friend too, and I care about you.”

“Jiminie...” She groaned as he stared wide-eyed at her. “Oh, not the puppy dog eyes!” He grinned. “Fine, but keep it quiet, okay? I don’t like to talk about it much.”

“I don’t want to force you—“

“It’s not that.” She waved her hand.

“I just don’t want certain people to know, so...” She put her finger on her lips. “Okay?” He nodded, sliding his hand down to hers and squeezing. “No one ever said anything, well, not to my face… but sometimes in the changing room people would whisper, and laugh… everywhere in the media, and most of the women surrounding me at work, on the train, at the store… They’re just a lot… smaller.” She frowned down at herself. “I get that there are different challenges facing body image as a Korean man in an idol group, and especially a dancer,” she said, looking at him grimly. “But for me, my main issue is feeling too big, like I take up too much space. Especially when I moved here...”

“Idols are pushed to be skinny,” Jimin agreed. “Just as much as contemporary dancers in general, though for some different reasons, it mostly boils down to not fitting an image someone decided was the ideal long ago.” He reached out, pushing her hair back from her face. “I think we’re both gorgeous, so fuck them.” She laughed. “I’m serious.” He pouted.

“I know, thanks, Jiminie.” She looked up, realizing he’d led her to the studio. “Why are we here?”

“Cause we’re gonna ask the hyungs to help you keep your job,” Jimin said. Her eyes widened. She shook her head.

“Jimin-ah, no, I don’t want to drag them down with me.”

“Too bad.” He pulled the door open, dragging her with him. “We’re with you all the way, whether you like it or not.”

Hoseok and Yoongi had been so angry when they heard what happened that Namjoon had Jin take them home early. Jin had to basically drag them out of the room. Jungkook, Jimin, and Tae practically had to sit on Aviva to get her to stay in the studio while Namjoon left to talk to the higher-ups.

“I talked them down to three days unpaid suspension, and no mention of it on your permanent record,” he told them when he got back to the studio. He snorted when he saw Aviva’s hair, mussed from her running her fingers through it so much. He combed it down absentmindedly with his fingers.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I mean, I still kind of wish you hadn’t, but… thanks.” She looked at Jimin. “You too.”

“And we get to walk back, since Jin-hyung took the van!” Jungkook said happily.

Taehyung groaned. “No… I’m tired…”

“We still have several hours left, guys,” Namjoon told them. He looked at Aviva. “Ah, they want you out of here ASAP though, just in case he sees you and tries to complain again.”

“Got it.” She nodded. “I’ll go to the dorm and grab my car.”

“You don’t have to,” Namjoon said. “You can go home and rest. Jin-hyung can drop it off tomorrow.” She waved her hand.

“You know I won’t be able to sit around and rest while everyone else is working hard.”

“Well, you deserve some rest, but… yeah, I know you’re not the type.” He shook his head, smiling fondly at her back as she left.

Aviva was surprised when she walked into the dorm and Yoongi greeted her with a hug.

“They shouldn’t have done that to you,” he growled in her ear.

“Now, now, all’s well that ends well,” Jin said pleasantly. “Do you want a snack to cheer you up, Avi-yah? Maybe something sweet.”

Yoongi pulled away from her, his lips twitching slightly.

“You do deserve a treat.”

“For getting in trouble with my sunbaenims?” She wondered.

“Well, for that—” Yoongi agreed.

“Fuck the man!” Hoseok cried out from behind them, punching the air.

Aviva laughed.

“And also… for standing up for us,” Yoongi continued, more quietly. “Come on.” He took her hand. “I’ll take you out for one of those ridiculously expensive coffees you secretly like.”

“No, it’s waste of money,” she argued.

“Not for you,” he argued back.

“It’s fine,” she said. “I appreciate the thought, but I don’t want you wasting your money on me… especially when I’ve just been suspended without pay for a couple of days… just… I’m sure I can find something in the kitchen, let’s make something together.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened.

“You want to…cook with me?”

“Eh, I’m so jealous,” Jin said. “Sounds fun.”

“Baking, more likely,” she said. “But yeah, if that sounds okay with you, it would probably help me take my mind off things.”

“Okay.” He nodded, his face flushed slightly. “Let’s do it.”

Yoongi seemed a little disappointed to be making a chocolate cake for the boys, but once they started he got really into it.

Aviva offered him the bowl to lick, but he shook his head, staring at the cake in the oven in interest.

“It’s not going to bake any faster if you watch it,” she told him, her lips twitching in amusement. He shrugged. “Okay, well, don’t burn yourself. I’m going to clean up—”

“Wait!” Jin ran in, closely followed by Hoseok.

“We heard something about cake batter!”

“You can have it if you help me clean up,” Aviva bargained.

“Fine,” Hobi said, making grabby hands at her. “Just hand it over.”

“Dishes first,” she told him.

“Namjoon…” Aviva said over the phone that night. She heard him gulp.

“Aviva?”

“About that song you just posted to Soundcloud…”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“You do know there are rules against explicit content, right? And that the new Head of Marketing is aiming you specifically towards a younger audience?”

“Ah, so here’s the thing. I may have lost a bet with Hope-ah and the punishment was to record and post a song with lyrics that were, um…”

Aviva sighed, massaging her temples. “Okay, so both you and Hoseokie are in trouble, got it.”

“Is it really that bad?” He wondered.

“Honestly, I think it’s hilarious,” she told him. “But I don’t think Chief Ho Kyungso will agree. I miss Sanghoon-sunbae, at least he could take a joke…”

“Hilarious?” Namjoon repeated. “It’s supposed to be sexy!”

Aviva laughed.

#bts #bts world #park jimin #fanfiction #idolverse #bts predebut #manager!oc #ot7 #bts x oc #bts fanfiction

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ofstoriesandstardust · 4 years ago

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discovery

a/n: I posted the first chapter and was overwhelmed by the fact that people actually liked it??? that I decided to ignore my homework that I definitely should be doing to write this. this chapter definitely plays more on SVU, so sorry for the name-drop of people you may not know if you aren’t an SVU fan

main masterlist | the choices we make masterlist | story description | what’s left of us | recognize you

summary: ADA Gray is thriving, just ask any of her fellow ADAs or the detectives at Manhattan’s Special Victims Unit. So shouldn’t the discovery of a brother she never knew about make her feel like her world is collapsing in on her?

warnings: reference to TUA canon death/murders, swearing

word count: 1,587

Elena laughed, holding the door open for Detectives Sonny Carisi and Fin Tutuloa to follow her in the building. Fin had just made a snarky comment that had caused Sonny to roll his eyes and for the blonde to start laughing. She waved to Angela, the woman who worked at the front desk of 1 Hogan Place. The detectives followed her to her office, where they were planning to meet Barba, Liv, and Amanda to discuss to the latest on one of their cases. It had been a complicated case, and a bit of a high profile one, so the DA had assigned both Barba and Elena to work on the case with the SVU detectives. Stone had been gone on vacation when it had happened, thus it was Elena’s case as she worked both Homicide and SVU cases.

She approached Lucy, who had quickly become one of her closest friends after getting a job as an ADA. “Hey Lucy.” She greeted. The girl smiled.

“You have a letter.” Lucy said, pulling a draw open and retrieving an envelope from inside. She turned in confusion, moving away from the office door to grab the letter from Lucy. At that moment, Barba, Liv, and Amanda approached the desk, ready for their meeting. “No Dodds?” Lucy asked as Elena grabbed the letter from her outstretched hand. Liv shook her head.

“No, he’s on a trip.”

“How was court?” Rafael asked, and Elena shrugged.

“It was court. You know the usual.” Elena’s eyes never tore away from the letter. It just had her first and last name written on, in a somewhat sprawling handwriting. “Lucy, who’s this from?” Elena asked, the curiosity rising in her voice. She sighed.

“That’s the interesting thing.” Elena’s eyes flicked up to meet her friend’s but only for a moment. “Luther Hargreeves dropped that off. Wanted to make sure it got to you.” Elena’s head shot up. “Mhmm, that’s what I was thinking.” Elena shook her head.

“Strange.” She said, moving to open the door of her office. The detectives followed her in and she moved to her desk, pulling off her jacket. It was an unusually chilly day in the city for almost June.

“Wonder what Luther Hargreeves wants with you.” Liv said, setting a file down on the desk. Elena shrugged.

“Maybe one of his siblings got in trouble again and he’s come to ask for your expertise lawyer help.” Amanda joked and Elena laughed.

“Probably.” She said as she sat down, tossing the letter on her desk.

“Man I still can’t believe both of them got off.” Fin said pulling a chair up to the desk. Carisi shook his head.

“Wonder what the DA was thinking. Oh sure, we’ll just ignore the fact that these people committed crimes because they’re special.” Carisi said, the disgust evident in his voice. The Hargreeves cases had left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, but especially in New York’s legal field and police officers.

“Didn't you use to love Allison’s movies?” Amanda replied, shooting Sonny a look.

“Yeah, but then her brother went and killed a cop. And got away with it.” Sonny said, as he sat down. “Plus, after that custody battle, what she did to her kid... she’s not someone I want to support.” Barba made a face of agreement as he sat down directly across from Elena.

“Alright, the Taylor’s case. What do you have?” Elena asked, diverting their attention to the important matter at hand.

Elena sighed, pulling her hair up into a ponytail as her food cooked in the oven. It had been one of those days and she had just gotten back to her apartment, so pizza rolls for dinner it was. Barba often teased her for eating like a college student but she always shot back that at least she wasn’t shelling out a good chunk of money on sushi all the time. As her food cooked, she shifted through the files she had brought back with her, intending to do a bit more work before heading to bed for the night. The letter she had so quickly forgotten about from earlier in the day slipped out and she picked it up. She took a deep breath as her thumb slid through the top. She pulled the paper out and unfolded it. Holy shit.

Hi,

My name’s Luther. Well, you probably already know that I guess. I’m sure you’ve heard about my siblings and I from our superhero days, if not from the days of Diego running from the police and Allison’s stardom. If you haven’t, then I guess I should explain it. My name’s Luther Hargreeves, and I’m Number One out of 7 from The Umbrella Academy. On October 1st, 1989, we were all born to women who weren't previously pregnant, all at the same time. There was 43 of us, in total, as we just learned. Our father, Reginald Hargreeves, who was a millionaire, offered large sum of money to our mothers for us and turned us into his superhuman crimefighting soldiers by the time we were teens.

The reason I’m telling you this is because we recently found all our files with our information about our biological parents, which is how I found you. You’re my sister, my biological one. And, I’d love a relationship with you, if you want that. If not, please feel free to disregard this letter like you never read it.

Luther

He left what she was assuming was his phone number at the bottom of the paper. Elena dropped the paper on to the counter, taking a shaky breath, gripping the counter. Luther.. her brother? Unlikely... and yet, not impossible. She had always felt there was something about her parents divorce they weren’t telling her. But still, she’d grown up low income most of her life, and had only become financially stable once she’d secured her job as an ADA. The DA’s office paid a pretty penny, thankfully. So the question was, where’d that sum of money go?

The real question was, did she want to reach out to him? She was curious about him, especially because she didn’t talk to her other siblings. He probably had million of questions about their family, rightfully so. But his family did not have a good reputation. Allison had had a very public and nasty custody battle that had dragged out everything. Vanya had killed her boyfriend, albeit the case seemed to scream self defense. Diego had killed a cop for goodness sake... but even then the facts of the case seemed so murky to everyone outside of Diego’s legal team and the investigators. Establishing a relationship with Luther, getting involved with that family, she might as well kiss her job goodbye. Jack McCoy, Manhattan District Attorney, had made it abundantly clear where he stood on the line of the Hargreeves. If he knew, well, it would be bye-bye to the best job she’d ever had and all the friends, the family, she’d made here in New York. The oven beeped, interrupting her thoughts. She sighed, moving to grab the food. What was she going to do?

She tried to keep her hands from shaking as she took a sip of her soda, waiting for Luther. It had taken a few days but she had called him early one morning, asking if he wanted to meet for lunch that day. He had agreed, and at the time she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement that she was going to actually meet him. But as time passed and he hadn’t showed, she was starting to wonder if this was some sort of test from the DA’s office to see where her loyalties lied... or something. It sounded ridiculous, she knew that, but she couldn’t keep her brain from wandering. She glanced at the time on her phone again and sighed. He wasn’t late by any means, she was just ridiculously early. After hours, it seemed, which was probably only ten minutes or so, a large man walked into the restaurant and her heart skipped a beat. That had to be him. His eyes scanned the area until he turned to the hostess. The hostess led him to where she sat and he smiled at her tentatively as he sat down. The place was nice, situated outside, and it was a warm day, making the noise of New York City that much livelier as people walked past, enjoying the day. She’d chosen it specifically because of that, and the fact that it was out fo the way of the courthouse and precinct, meaning there was a low chance anyone from work would see her. She offered him a nervous smile as she took in his appearance. Large build, blonde hair (like hers), brown eyes (what color were her eyes again?), tall. She vaguely heard the hostess ask for what he’d like to drink and him responding with water. he turned his attention back to her. “Hi, I’m Luther.”

“Elena.” she said, nodding at him. She took in a deep breath, folding her hands. “I’m sure you have lots of questions.” He nodded. “Well, ask away.” He took a deep breath, seemingly trying to figure what to ask first.

“So... DA’s office, huh?” She nodded. “And three siblings, can’t imagine that was a peaceful household.” She chuckled, shaking her head.

“I don’t think we ever stopped fighting.” He laughed.

“Try six.” He joked, and she laughed freely.

“I couldn’t even begin to imagine.”

#the choices we make #luther hargreeves #luther hargreeves fics #the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy fics #law and order special victims unit #law and order special victims unit fics

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rumbelleshowdown · 5 years ago

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Author: Porcelain Elephants

Prompt: Like tears in rain.

Group: D

First Day Jitters

Bailey Gold was incredibly excited to be starting Kindergarten. His father was not. Of course, the lack of excitement didn't stop Mr. Gold from waking up early to double-check Bae's choice in clothes or to pack his yellow lunchbox with extra care, adding a short note to remind his son how much he loved him. But Gold was undoubtedly in a somber mood that didn't match the sunny weather.

"Papa, I'm going to be late," Bae said as he skipped to the Cadillac.

Considering there were forty-five minutes until class started, Gold seriously doubted that they would be late, but Bae was unable to tell time on the grandfather clock in the foyer and much too excited for his own good.

“I promise Bae your first day is going to be perfect.”

Bae babbled, reciting everything his shop hand Alice had mentioned about school. Yet Gold wasn't really listening. Instead he couldn't help but see how everything was changing, and he didn't want it too. Since Bae was born, it had been the two of them against the world, with Bae's mother leaving straight from the hospital. And while the rest of town may see Gold as the evil landlord without a kind word to say, his son was different. Bae was his entire world, the sun Gold revolved around, and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do now.

It is only school, Gold thought to himself, only a few hours every day. It shouldn't feel like the end of the world, but it certainly did.

“And Alice said Miss French reads us a new book every day and even has little songs for us to sing and-“

Gold pulled their car to a stop. “It seems like you have a wonderful day ahead of you. I wonder if Miss French has something special planned for the first day.”

Bae scrunched up as his face, his deep thinking contorting his face. "I think so. I mean, it's the first day, Papa. That’s pretty special.”

“You’ll just have to tell me everything later.” Gold said as he unbuckled Bae’s car seat and lifted his son out of the car, holding him close despite the pressure it put on his bum leg.

Bae gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I promise Papa. Absolutely-positively everything.”

Gold was very aware that they were early, both due to Bae’s excitement and his own need for a long goodbye, but he hadn’t expected the school to be so empty. The playground was deserted. A few of the teachers seemed ready with clipboards full of paperwork, but the rest were still chatting amicably.

The two of them had barely been standing there a few moments before a young brunette woman strode forward.

"Good Morning! Who do we have here?" The women's blue eyes sparkled as she peered intently at Bae.

Gold squeezed Bae's hand, whose own nerves seemed to have momentarily gotten the better of him, but that little reassurance seemed to be enough.

"I'm Bailey Gold! Today's my first day of Kindergarten!"

She smiled widely. "Well, isn't it my lucky day? I'll be your teacher this year, Bailey. My name is Miss French."

She bent slightly to extend her hand first to Bae, who shook it tentatively, before shaking Mr. Gold's hand. Gold was surprised to admit he already liked Miss French, a remarkable feat considering Gold could count the number of people he liked this town on one hand. But Bae already seemed taken with her, and he liked the way that Miss French went out of her way to make Bae feel important.

"Now Bailey when the bell rings, you'll line up by the basketball hoop with your new classmates," She said pointing and waiting for Bae's solemn little nod to make sure he understood this new task.

"But until then, I have to check in with all the parents, and your Dad has to fill out some adult paperwork." Miss French made a face on the word adult that made Bae laugh. "I think now might be a good time to test out the playground equipment if your Dad says it's okay."

“Please Papa?”

Gold leaned more heavily on his cane so he could kneel next to Bae for one last hug. "Of course, Bae. Have fun, and remember I want to know everything."

Bae squeezed his Papa tightly, before dashing off toward the plastic playground.

“He seems like a good kid.”

“Aye. Although if you try to teach the class about dinosaurs or pirates, he might try to take over.”

Miss French laughed. “I’ll be sure to leave the pirate books until next week then to prevent a mutiny.”

Despite his glum mood, Gold couldn’t help but smile like that. She had a beautiful laugh.

"Unfortunately, I do have some paperwork for you. Most of Bailey's information is already on file. Still, we like to double-check it on the first day, especially the emergency contact and vaccination information."

She handed him one of the clipboards, before leaving to check on the Nolans and their rambunctious daughter. Gold tried to focus on the forms. This was supposed to happen; this was just the next step of Bae's childhood. He shouldn't be mourning the lost hours together in his pawnshop. School was what his son needed. Bae was happily running up the steps to the slide, in full view of at least six teachers. And with a task to do, he should be able to just focus on the paperwork in front of him, but the lines of text seemed to blur.

The fearsome Mr. Gold wasn't crying. He couldn't be; it had to be just rain. The fact that there wasn't a cloud in the sky couldn't stop that logic. He was so caught up on the fact that he couldn’t be crying in front of Storybrooke Elementary that he didn't notice when someone joined him.

"I wish I could tell you not to worry, Mr. Gold, that everything will be alright, and I'll take good care of Bailey, but I understand that some beginnings are harder than others."

He could feel the sheer force of her smile despite his stubborn refusal to look up at her, to allow anyone to see the pain lurking inside the lonely man who refused to let the world in. Her heels were much taller than he would expect of someone in charge of wrangling five-year-olds, but her bright skirts matched her sunny dispositions.

His refusal to look at her did little to deter her. "Most parents cry on the first day. My own brother wept like a baby when he dropped my niece off, and little Grace has known me her entire life."

"Isn't that a case for favoritism?"

Her smile seemed to grow at his response, likely because she had gotten through to him. "I'll let you in on a secret, Mr. Gold. Storybrooke is a small town, where everyone knows everyone else's business. If I could only teach children I had never met or knew nothing about, I’d be out of a job. But rest assured in my classroom, the only thing that matters is how the children act on the day to day basis."

Gold sighed. That was good news. He would hate for Bae to be held accountable for whatever grudge his tenants held against him.

When her hand touched his shoulder, he realized he said that out loud. “I’m not going to pretend I haven’t heard the rumors Mr. Gold, but based on what I’ve seen, you’re certainly not as dark as people say.”

Her smile seemed so earnest that he felt his heart leap despite the current situation. “Does it get easier after the first day?”

Miss French thought for a second. “I’m not sure watching Bae grow up will ever get easier, but it’ll get easier for you to bring him to school. You’ll know he’ll laugh and learn and be ready to come home at the end of the day with stories that you’re not sure actually happened.”

He didn't have much time to think about her answer before the bell rang, and the mass of children began to line up by grade at the edge of the playground. He thought about it as he re-polished the silverware in his shop and ate his lunch more aggressively than strictly necessary. And by the time he arrived once again at the school and had Bae wrapped in his arms, Gold thought he understood.

“And Miss French knows EVERYTHING! She taught us a song where we say hello in different languages!” Bae announced, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. “I can’t sing it yet but one day I’ll know everything too. I really like Miss French”

“I like her too Bae.” Gold said, despite that being an understatement. He was looking forward to parent-teacher conferences and the next time he could be alone with Miss French a bit too much.

#rumbelle showdown 2020 #rumbelle fic #Round One entry #author: Porcelain Elephants

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positivityforlesbians · 5 years ago

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I've heard things about lesbian sex and I'm kinda confused (I'm a virgin), but I have a gf and I want to feel ready. I've read a bit about the technique, but I have a few doubts. 1- Is it common to last hours (people say so)? 2- Can I skip the strap stuff? 3- Is top and bottom a thing? 4- How do I protect myself? 5- Is scisoring real or is it a male fantasy/p*rn thing? Sorry for so many questions, but you seem trustrorthy, google lies and idk who to ask

Hi ! I’ll try to answer to your questions as best as I can ! :)

1) Yes, sex between women can lasts for hours, as long as both women are motivated enough then there can definitely have a lot of rounds, simply separated by maybe pauses for snacks and talking ^^ 2) Yes anon you can absolutely skip sex involving a strap-on ! Everyone has their own preferences and anyway it’s generally not even in the top 3 most popular technics used during lesbian sex, see it simply as an option : not everyone likes penetration.

3) There are ppl who are exclusively topping and other who are exclusively bottoming (usually because the person they’re with is a “stone top” who has trauma or dysphoria, so it’s more about doing it for their partner rather not actually wanting to top their girlfriend) but for the most part nearly everyone is versatile. So the answer is no, it’s mostly something we shouldn’t take seriously, at least when it comes to lesbian relationships (for gay men relationships those are more rigid roles I think), for us consider it more like a preference rather than a role set in stone.

4) I honestly don’t know how to protect ourselves in lesbian relationships. There are protections like gloves and dental dams but if we want to be honest here I wonder if any lesbian couple ever used those protections 😂 Just wash your hands (or sex toy) if you ever do butt stuff to your girlfriend and then want to finger her (and similarly in the case she’s the one doing that to you). This is really important as it prevents bringing germs you don’t want to bring into the vagina. You have a girlfriend so it’s fine but if you were single and having hookups regurlarly I would have advised to get tested for sti regularly as well (maybe every six months ?).

5) Yes scissoring is a thing. And more generally tribbing (a woman rubbing her clitoris on any part of her partner’s body, except vulva, as this would be scissoring) is the first ever documented lesbian practice, so there’s that. :) Some women will say it’s not a thing but they’re wrong and just haven’t done it so they perpetuate the idea that it’s only something that exists in the fantasies of straight men 🙃 No, straight men didn’t invented our sexuality, but they do objectify it and that is obviously terrible. Anyway, I’m done here anon ! I hope this was helpful ! ✨ Xx

#anonymous #my answers #lesbian safe #lesbian advices #sexuality #wlw

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adhdtoomanycommas · 4 years ago

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Emotional Disregulation, Privilege, and White Girl Tears

Hello all, it has been a few months since my last ADHD essay, and what a few months it has been. In case you’re reading this in the future (since tumblr has no date stamps), I am writing this in June 2020 when in the midst of a global pandemic, police are responding to massive protests against police violence with even more police violence, and a lot of white people are thinking more than ever about the privilege we have experienced. I have been thinking about writing about my (cis white female) experience with privilege where neurodivergence, race, and gender intersect for a while, and have hit the point where these ideas have been bouncing around in my head long enough I need to write them down.

Small disclaimer: Right now I'm not sure if I should be writing anything about anything since we all ought to be listening and amplifying black voices --I'm there are much better resources out there about race and neurodivergance especially, and I have no intention of talking over anyone, especially given my limited experience. But given that the audience for my last essay here was in the single digits, I doubt I need to worry too much about talking over people at the moment. Please know that I am writing this now primarily for myself, and if it ever gets an audience later, forgive me for writing it now when there are so many more important things going on and more important people to listen to.

I will do my best to stay in my lane here, so I'm just going to talk about how my privilege has affected the perception of one of my ADHD symptoms If you don't want to read some rambling white/cis anecdotes about how white privilege and gender norms affect the perception of ADHD, by all means skip it. If you're still here, maybe it can be the start of a conversation as I would love to hear some other perspectives and experiences here. And maybe, just maybe by the end of it I will learn to spell privilege right on the first try (I really want there to be an A in there, or maybe a D. Privaledge? Sounds about right.)

As I mentioned in my previous ramble, I’m a cryer. I cry a lot, not just when I’m sad but sometimes when I’m happy, when I feel guilty or ashamed, and especially when I’m angry, or frustrated, or overwhelmed. I learned recently, as I was seeking my diagnosis, that emotional disregulation is a hallmark of ADHD. We feel things strongly, and uncontrollably and have trouble restraining ourselves from expressing those feelings. This is experienced by almost everyone, if not everyone, with ADHD and it’s only not part of the diagnostic criteria because it’s hard to quantify—there are a lot of good general resources out there to learn more about this, I’m not an expert, I’m just here to share my own experience.

Story time. When I was in fourth grade, I punched another girl in the stomach. For what felt like the millionth time, when the teacher told everyone to find a partner for some activity, everyone partnered up and I looked around to find that I was the left-over. I was an outcast for a lot of reasons at that age. I told myself for a long time it was solely because I was the lone atheist (actually agnostic but I didn’t know the term at the time) in a deep south bible-belt school, but with the benefit of hindsight I have also realized that (partially probably due to the ADHD) I was also pretty weird, and probably very annoying. But whatever the reason for my ostracism, it was already weighing heavily on me when the teacher assigned this girl to work with me, and she gave me the biggest exasperated sigh and eyeroll like she would rather do anything else. So I punched her.

I now realize that this is probably a pretty normal response for a kid with untreated ADHD—the combination of emotional disregulation and poor impulse control means we often lash out. But with none of the adults in my life knowing that at the time, surely I was disciplined for my seemingly-random violent action, yes? No. I cried, and I got away with it.

That’s not the whole story, I did get several weeks of sessions with the school counselor, and I was made to write a very thorough apology letter (and made to rewrite it repeatedly as the teacher thought of more things I should add and repeatedly declared my handwriting not good enough, to such an extent the exercise definitely felt more punitive than reconsiliatory), but I ultimately I didn’t get expelled, I didn’t get suspended, I didn’t even get detention.

The girl I punched was black. This wouldn’t be relevant to the story at all, except that in retrospect I have to wonder if the consequences would have been the same if our roles were reversed. If a black girl (even a neurodivergent, ostracized, and frequently bullied one) had lashed out the way I did and punched a white girl, I expect there would have been a lot more consequences for that, even if she cried afterwards. And if a black boy had done the same, he wouldn’t have been perceived as troubled and in need of help, he would have been perceived as dangerous. And as we all (hopefully) know by now, that perception can have life or death consequences.

I’m sure that was neither the first nor the last time that crying, and people’s perception of me crying (as a cute little white girl with freckles and big brown eyes) has gotten me out of trouble, or gotten me what I wanted one way or another, but it is the most dramatic example I can think of. I want to emphasize that I have never cried to get what I wanted on purpose—I have spent way more time trying not to cry than trying to cry, the only time I’ve ever cried on purpose has been in theater exercises. But I’m sure a lot of white girls in the same position I was in (with or without the undiagnosed ADHD and emotional disregulation) have realized the way they could use peoples responses to their tears to their advantage. They probably grow up to be Karens who use their tears to get out of traffic tickets, get free stuff from store managers, and to sic violent police on black people who inconvenience them. (Aside, the only time I have been pulled over as an adult, I was trying so hard not to cry that the cop thought I was acting suspicious and asked a bunch of extra questions. I still got the ticket.

I tell myself that those people use their emotions on purpose to manipulate people, that I'm different, I would never do that. But I have to wonder if some of those same women tell themselves the same thing after the fact. I don't think it's enough to avoid intentional manipulation and intentional harm-- not anymore. We as white women need to do be conscious enough of how our emotions are perceived and prioritized to act proactively to avoid unintentional harm as well. For those of us with ADHD, this may be harder than for neurotypicals, but that makes it all the more important for us to think actively about this. I'm not sure yet what this means for me personally, besides removing myself from a shared space if my emotions threaten to become the focus where they shouldn't be, but I would welcome input on this.

I want to talk about gender more generally here as well. ADHD is dramatically underdiagnosed in women, and I have to wonder if some part of this is because emotional disregulation lines up so nicely with the stereotypes of women’s emotions in the first place. Oh, you cry a lot? Of course you do, you’re a woman. One can only wonder how many oldey-timey diagnoses of “hysteria” were actually ADHD. Even now women with ADHD are usually misdiagnosed several times with things like depression or bipolar disorder before we are tested and diagnosed properly. This wasn’t my experience, but after basically doing a bunch of research and self-diagnosing I was able (thanks to a great deal of economic privilege) to pay to go directly to an ADHD specialist. I also walked into that office with an extremely thorough bullet-point list I had compiled of reasons I suspected I had ADHD—it was probably the easiest diagnosis the doctor ever did. So obviously having ADHD while female isn’t the best combination, but when it comes specifically to crying easily that being treated as relatively normal definitely meant I had an easier time with it than my brother did.

My brother (who is nonbinary and uses a variety of pronouns—I’ll probably alternate between they/them and he/him here because it is important to the story that they were perceived as male at the time) cries just as easily as I do, and just as often. When we were little kids, this didn’t make too much of a difference. They’re a couple years younger than me, and little kids are expected to cry more. They haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD, but they and I both strongly suspect for a variety of reasons, this included, that they have it too—I believe they were flagged for it in school, probably for frequently talking out of turn, but I don’t think they were ever tested formally. He got in trouble in school a lot more than I did, for similar outbursts, and while he got quite a few of those same counseling sessions (white privilege at work again), he got more actual discipline as well. But the perception of our tears landed differently, especially as we got older.

For the most part, the scorn leveled at my brother’s tears didn’t come from our parents. My mom, (who, while also not officially diagnosed, I can almost guarantee is where we got the ADHD genes from) cries as easily as they and I do, so she understands it. My dad would certainly prefer to think of himself as an enlightened modern man who would say it’s ok to cry, but he has his share of ingrained toxic masculinity despite himself. I don’t think I ever saw him tell my brother directly to “suck it up” or “act like a man,” but I do think after puberty or so he started responding to my brother’s tears with a sort of exasperation that he never directed at me.

The real difference was in how we were treated by our peers. By the time we got to high school, if I would cry at school, my peers (even ones who weren’t necessarily my friends) would probably ask what was wrong and try to help or provide comfort, or at least would leave me alone and give me time to pull myself together. When my brother cried at school, he was mocked. Relentlessly. Once bullies figured out that he cried easily, he was targeted and goaded specifically for it. They would find any little thing they could to get under his skin (right down to the most childish with rhyming nicknames) and troll him for fun. I wish I could say that I stood up for him, but I never did. I can tell myself this was because I didn’t see it happen in person, being two grades ahead, but I could have made an effort. Although, since he was almost certainly targeted at least in part for perceived failure to live up to masculine gender norms, I’m not sure if having an older sister try to come to the rescue would have helped or made things worse. At this point it’s years past, so I suppose speculation on what I could have or should have done is pretty moot at this point. Suffice it to say, this particular symptom which rarely did me any harm made my brother’s life a lot harder.

I may talk more about different perceptions of my brother’s and my ADHD symptoms in a later essay/ramble/entry/whatever, in particular how it affected out academic performances, but that’s for another time.

Again, I’m not sure if there are any greater conclusions here. There are a lot of ways emotional disregulation can present, and I really only addressed this one small aspect of excessive crying, but it is a good example of how even lesser-known ADHD symptoms can affect our lives in cascading ways, and the way people perceive those symptoms (due to various more visible identity factors) affects us as well. If you read all of this, thanks, and if you have any experiences you’d like to share with how your emotional disregulation has been perceived by others, I’d love to hear them. Until next time!

#actuallyadhd #adhd #actually adhd #emotional disregulation #privilege #white privilege #neurodivergence

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years ago

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Saarai for love headcanons?

The other twin and my unashamed new favourite, I could talk about her all day tbh! Thank you for asking! :D

From this ask game: [x]

Trigger warning: brief mention of past trauma/assault (I guess, I’m never sure what to tag it as but I think thats the best thing to call it), emotional manipulation and gaslighting in the fourth and third-from-bottom question(s) - regarding past relationships and effect on current ones. Nothing is described in detail but it is mentioned, so if this is triggering or otherwise upsetting to you please skip that part or this ask/answer entirely. I won’t be offended, and because of this I’m gonna toss the text under a read more just as an extra precaution, stay safe! <3

Everything else is pure unadulterated fluff to make up for everything else bad I’ve/they’ve done to her tho :’3

When they discover they’re got a crush: Fully embraces it and rolls with it, she’s a romantic at heart (and also needs to go to horny jail a fair bit of the time), crushes are a wonderful, exciting thing to her. Daydreams a lot. Will give it a go and test the waters nearly immediately (depending on some factors ofc), but backs off equally as quickly if they seem uncomfortable or otherwise uninterested by her advances.

How they confess/hint: Makes quite the nuisance of herself, always popping up to check on them, wanting to sit near/be around them, chatters about anything and everything she can think of, plenty of flirting including anything from more chaste compliments on things she likes about them, to subtle and/or not-so-subtle innuendo at times, depending on what they’re most receptive to.

Big gestures of love: Cuddles (she can be the clingiest lover known to the galaxy and her octopus arms are inescapable XD) and/or kisses, even if it doesn’t lead to the bedroom, long walks together, picnics in the wilderness, listening to each other and talking things out (whether to do with their relationship or something else that either one is struggling with and needs support for, and this goes both ways), sitting quietly when they don’t feel like talking “just so she knows they’re there”, falling asleep together

Little gestures of love: Flirty banter, inside jokes, pet names, stroking or playing with her hair (she purrs and leans into it like a cat, her partners like to joke that she’s a “Cathar trapped in a Pureblood’s body” because of this), silly “arguments” over whose turn it is to do the chores (though she sulks when she loses and her partner insists on doing said chore(s) instead of letting her do them XD), tucking their head under her chin when they cuddle

How to win their heart: Be honest, respect for boundaries, communication, communication, communication, including calling her out on her shit if she says or does something that upsets/bothers them and be clear about what (so she can fix it and hopefully not repeat whatever it was a second time)

How to break their heart: Lie to her, or try to manipulate her for your own gain. No respect for boundaries she tries to set and trying to push her into something she doesn’t want, or even letting her do that to you because you weren’t brave enough to say something - she wants you to tell her these things, she’ll never be angry if you tell her “no”, no matter what or when, but she will be heartbroken if she finds out she did something that hurt you because she didn’t pick it up and you didn’t tell her it was hurtful.

Tiny little turn-ons: subtle little touches like a hand on her knee under the table, flirty banter again, sideways glances and holding eye contact for a moment before looking away and pretending it was accidental, tracing patterns across her knuckles or the back of her hand while she holds theirs, dancing closer together than is necessary just to have as much contact between them as possible

Big turn-ons: Husky voices, even if you’re only saying her name, fingertips or kisses brushed along her jaw spurs (if she’ll let you touch them), nips/nibbles between kisses, whispered or purred words against her skin, leaning in for a kiss only to pull away at the last second and make her go to them instead

Things that make their heart flutter: Standing up for yourself, even if it means yelling at her when she’s being stupid (and sometimes especially then), coming to her defence when you think she needs it, seeing someone she cares about genuinely happy and enjoying themselves for whatever reason, excitement when talking/telling her about their favourite thing

Their type: Shorter than her, reserved and soft-spoken but also able to hold their own when it’s necessary. Playful and open to joking around and bantering (without being hurtful about it)

Ideal date: Anything at all. She’s not fussed as long as she’s with someone she loves. It can literally be “sit on the sofa and eat takeout”, as long as they’re together it’s perfect. For something lighthearted and “fun” while still going out, a karaoke bar will always be a hit. ;)

Past relationships:

Ty’s father, Tsâhis: In both verses/renditions, though not her first experience with a man, he was her last physically intimate one, and her first experience with a long-term relationship. Unfortunately it was not a good one. Without going into too much detail about it: he was emotionally manipulative, pushy, gaslit her constantly and essentially blackmailed her to keep her in the relationship so he could trick as much information as he wanted out of her, he didn’t care about her at all, only about what she could give to him and about the fact he could boast that he had a pretty lady on his arm that would do whatever he asked her to do. It ended very badly when she finally realized that wasn’t what real love was and tried to leave him and he tried to kill her so she couldn’t leave and . She fought back and survived (obviously), but it’s left her with a lot of emotional (and physical - most of the scars on her body and the main one on her lip come from that struggle) scarring.

Xerid Ferral: exclusive to the Zephyrverse AU, as they wouldn’t cross paths in Subterfugeverse. Xerid was the alternate Wrath for that verse/timeline and Saarai’s only other long-term relationship (other than Tsâhis) before Sash. While it wasn’t toxic like Tsâhis was, it was certainly unhealthy due to being fairly one-sided. Saarai loved Xerid but, although she was loyal to Saarai because of her family name and her connection to D’leah, the feelings were not reciprocated and Xerid viewed the relationship very much as “I’m protecting you because I swore an oath to do that but the sex is just a bonus and there aren’t any emotional feelings attached”. Xerid later dies to protect Saarai and Vano during a fight so that ends the relationship and after grieving for a while she starts getting closer to Sash and eventually ends up with her, although if Xerid had lived they would have again gone their separate ways (though more amicably) once Saarai and Sash met, because Sash is able to give Rai the kind of relationship she wants and Xerid wouldn’t have held that against her either.

Various other one-night stands, all women, and none particularly worth mentioning. She never trusted any of the others enough to stick with them longer than needed to scratch an itch.

How they might affect current relationships: Tsâhis in particular has had quite an effect on her relationships, because of the things that happened on that night, she just can’t be intimate with men, it’s not something she’s comfortable ever doing again after that. In fact it takes her a long time to trust men as anything other than an acquaintance, much less romantically; Koth becomes an exception to this as thanks to his easygoing and empathetic nature and the fact that he never pushes her into anything she doesn’t agree to, she does end up trusting him and developing quite a deep emotional bond with him. It took her a long time (and in fact the party in the cantina at the end of KOTFE is the first time she really starts to properly relax around him and the first time she’s comfortable doing typical “couple-y” things with him like holding hands or cuddling up with him) and although they’re never physical in that way, in some ways she’s a lot closer to Koth than she is to Lana because he’s just easier to talk to about those sorts of things.

It affected her relationship with Sash in the Zephyrverse AU too, though not quite as extensively because Sash is a woman, but there were a lot of times early on in their relationship where Saarai overreacted to simple little gestures or touches because of a flashback and they both had to learn to adapt to that; Sash had to learn what was and wasn’t okay, Rai had to learn to trust Sash and realise that she wasn’t trying to hurt her. They do eventually get through it together, but it was a big challenge for them in the beginning <3

‘Goals’ in a relationship (marriage, kids, a house, etc): Marriage is a nice end goal, but what’s most important to Saarai is a healthy relationship built on mutual trust (both when together & apart, she’ll worry and she understands they will worry about her too, but there shouldn’t be unhealthy levels of suspicion or distrust) and regular communication.

Any other love headcanons: Always says “I love you” to her partner(s) before they a) separate for different missions or b) go into battle, just in case she or they don’t come back and it’s the last thing they ever remember her saying to them.

#Q&A with the crew #oc asks #oc love headcanons #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #tw: past trauma #tw: past abuse #tw: past assault #her backstory is one of the heavier ones i'm sorry #but it's a big reason why CURRENT saarai is so soft and considerate and fluffy with her partners #so here you go here's like...most of the tea on that #i hope it doesn't depress everyone too much #i think all the other fluff balances it out nicely huh #anyways i love her and it makes me stupid happy to write about her being happy and in healthy relationships now #pauletta-00 #thank you for asking!

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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842

have you ever violated school dress code? My Catholic school had us on a very tight leash and we’d have to be crazy to dare to break the dress code over there. My university doesn’t have a dress code though and anyone entering the campus can dress up any way they want, which I’ve always been grateful for. if you are listening to music, is the singer male/female? They are five dudes. what, if anything, do you give up for Lent? I never observed Lent; and as much of a religious fanatic my mother is, I’m glad she never forced me to fast or abstain from something I liked. what phrase leads your mind directly to the gutter? 69, even though it’s childish. when you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? I just tell myself that things will get better because that seems to be the pattern all the time with me, which is a really good thing.

what are your opinions on immigration? I don’t know much about the issues and its intricacies but as an Asian, I really admire fellow Asians who don’t speak a word of English, end up in the States or somewhere similar and build themselves a better life there. It’s fucking metal. would you tell an actual immigrant your views? Sure, if the topic is raised. what was the subject of the last list you made? There was a tweet asking people to list down which YouTubers practically ~raised them~ growing up, so I joined in the fun and gave my own names. If I remember correctly I listed down Pewdiepie, Smosh, Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, and the entire Brit crew. do you ever get nervous before interviews/important meetings? Only if it’s supposed to be crucial. Like I imagine I’d be sweating bullets for my first job interview. who pays for the majority of your belongings? My parents. would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? Of course. There are always some great finds in them. what is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? Assuming I’m earning my own money, I’m willing to spend around ₱5000 to ₱10,000 on a top or bottom but I can widen my wallet a lot more if we’re talking shoes, because I like them more haha. is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? I know my mom hates it whenever she pulls us for online mass and I visibly grumble. I don’t know if my dad is annoyed with anything I do; and if he feels that way he’ll tell me. I respect him a lot more so if that’s the case, I’ll actually stop whatever it is I’m doing. when was the last time you were embarrassed in public? Probably when I was brought to the hospital a month ago and the nurse was explaining to me how to take a urine test. have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? If Latin honors count, then yes. That was my only goal when I started college, and I reached it, so I’m allowing myself to be proud of, well, myself. the importance of education, rate it from 1-10, 10 as most important? 12. --- explain your choice to rate it as such? It’s different when you come from a third-world country. Education is realistically your only way out. what is the coolest science experiment you've ever done? I liked the ones that we did that involved chemicals and powders. are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? Not really. There’s a chance JM has been irritated with me because I always turn really grumpy when he messages me about work stuff, but if he is, at this point I don’t really care anymore because I’ve been detached from org work for a while now. I busted my ass for the org for three years so I think I’m entitled to feel detached now haha. how do you deal with a fight between yourself and a friend? I haven’t been in an argument with one of them in a while but I would prefer to talk it out. when you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? I apologize and I mention the thing I did that they were hurt by, so that they feel acknowledged. In the end, I tell them that I’ll be better and if there’s anything I can do to make them feel better or to make the situation better, that they shouldn’t hesitate to let me know. have you ever played around with "dry ice"? No. Isn’t that dangerous lol? do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? For the most part, yes. But I know there are still some instances where parents can try and try to be understanding and be the best influences, but their kids will still end up going down the wrong path. There isn’t one answer to this, I think. should the military draft take both men AND women? why/why not? I don’t know, it’s a little complicated. I’m definitely all about equality and providing the same opportunities for men and women, but I know there’s a lot of issues on sexual harassment and assault in the military that have yet to be fixed. Until that’s ironed out and I hear change taking place, it seems a little shady to randomly pick out women to join the military. when was the last time that you corrected someone? My mom had a grammatical error in her Facebook post from yesterday so I told her what the right word to use was. when was the last time you were corrected? I set the table for breakfast today and apparently it wasn’t enough for my mom, who liked her plate to be set in a certain way. when did you last say "i told you so"? Maybe when Kate told me she had broken up with the guy she was having a thing with, lol. is there any celebrity you like to "keep up with"? Not really. I think I’m over that phase now. I’ll check up my faves from time to time, but otherwise I don’t feel the need to read daily updates on them anymore. celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? Yay if it has substance or if it’s controversial, like a celebrity being exposed for sexual harassment; boo if it’s something stupid like “Kendall Jenner spotted eating pasta today.” what is the most life-changing book you have read? I haven’t encountered it yet. have you had a negative impact on anyone's life? I would say so. I wasn’t always the nicest kid; and I also did a shitty job handling my friendship with Sofie when we were off to college. has anyone had a negative impact on yours? who/why? Yeah. Some relatives, some teachers who didn’t know how to act like teachers, and some people I distinctly remember that bullied me when I was a kid. how will you know when you are ready to get married? I guess when I’m no longer nervous thinking about it and when I’m already 100% sure that I’m independent and capable of looking out for myself. I don’t wanna be married and still be slightly dependent on my parents, which is what a lot of young Filipino married couples end up doing. how much time have you spent contemplating your own death? A very, very good amount. is there a joke that you just can't stand? Ones that you just can’t defend and are just simply offensive, like slavery or poverty. I’ve seen a few shows where they’d refer to the Philippines being poor or being a source of child labor for laughs, and they’ve never been funny to me. have you ever read any self-help books? No, I don’t really trust those lol since they’re usually written by people from other countries who most likely have different experiences and perspectives. If I need some help I’d rather figure it out myself and hear from people that I trust, like my friends. what's your take on the obesity problem in america? It’s a serious problem, obviously. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that Americans are crazy about their fast food and that their serving sizes are ginormous. I really hope they find more ways to address it. what is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? Journalism. what is something you used to dislike, but now like? Chicken curry, and I think spicy food in general haha. when/if you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? I’ll be more involved. I’ll compliment them more, not invalidate their feelings, and I’ll let them talk when I do something that upsets them, and I’ll apologize to them for it.

do you equate spanking with physical abuse? would you spank a child? The way Filipino parents do it, yeah especially. They don’t just do it with their hands - spanking kids here usually involve slippers and belts. My mom forbade anyone to spank me and my siblings, but nonetheless I watched it happen to my cousins and that alone was traumatic enough for me. How much more for them?

The thing is that it can’t be assumed that kids are able to process why they’re being punished, so I think that any physical punishment to them will just drive them away from their parents, which to me makes it physical abuse. I would never spank my own kids. what's the most ridiculous thing you've done this week? Skipping out the rest of my shower because a moth came into the bathroom and started flying around me lmaoooo eugh. --- did you regret it/love it/hate it/want to do it again/etc? I fucking hated it. if your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? Yes. Sex honestly isn’t really a big deal to me. when you look at the sunset, what do you think about/feel? I don’t really think when I look at the sunset. I just admire how pretty it looks and savor the quick few seconds of the sun going down. is there someone you wish you could trust/you wish was trustworthy? No? I don’t wait on people to be trustworthy, if that’s what you mean. I’m grateful for the people who are already around me that I can trust. is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? who/why? There are times I wish I could get rid of my mom so that I don’t get yelled at as much anymore and so that I don’t have anyone watching my every move so much so that I’m cautious to walk around in my own house.

how has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? I’m a lot happier and more stable this time around. I’m glad I stayed around to see the change happen. have you ever walked out of a boring movie (in theaters)? Absolutely not. Even if the movie was bad, I’d watch it through the end. Ticket prices are not to be fucked with lol. how open are you with people you know online? ...What do you think? what do you think of athletes that take steroids? Idk about other sports but that’s a big fuck no in wrestling, after it’s led to addiction, overdoses, and a lot of deaths especially in the 80s and 90s. if a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to affect how you view him/her & his/her work? Depends on the scandal. I don’t mind when nudes or videos get leaked because honestly, the leakers are the assholes in that situation. But if the scandal is something like people speaking out to accuse a celebrity of racism, abuse, or harassment, then I can very much turn against that person. what is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? Amber Heard. have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol/drugs? Just slightly tipsy, but I’ve always made sure that I’m super super super aware of my surroundings in those times. I won’t drive – and I know my friends won’t allow me to – if I was even just a little dizzy. I’m always the first to start sobering up when I go out to drink because I’m usually the only one with a car and thus responsible for bringing my friends home. are you overly attached to your material possessions? For the most part, yeah. have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? Not to their faces. living in poverty: what do you think it'd be like? I already live in a country wallowing in it. My family isn’t poor, but I see poverty on a daily basis nonetheless. No documentary or article can best explain it to anyone who has never lived in a poverty-stricken country. Pretty insensitive question btw. what is one "diet" that you think is just utterly worthless? I’m not familiar with any of them. what advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body/appearance? I prefer not to give advice because some people don’t wanna hear it and just wanna hear reassurances and boosters. That said, I’ll just keep encouraging them and telling them that they look really good in their outfit and just making them feel valid and seen. what advice would you give someone about to start high school? Don’t be scared to make mistakes and while you should always study hard and do your best, don’t take everything seriously. It’s high school and won’t matter on your professional resume. what foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? Uhhhh this question makes no sense to me ahahaha I’m always down to try anything. what foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? I can’t speak for other countries but I know mine is pretty misunderstood. I’ve read countless testimonies of Filipinos getting condescendingly told “You speak good English for a Filipino” by white Americans, not knowing that their country conquered mine for 40ish years. That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to misconceptons about my country and its people. have you ever felt entirely unwanted and alone? Of course. in your eyes, which is worse: rape or murder? Both are equally bad and disgusting but I’ll have to go with rape, because 1) the victim has to live with the trauma and fear for the rest of their life, 2) victims are usually too scared to speak out for fear of being judged or not being believed, and 3) victim-blaming is still a big problem today. do you understand/read shakespeare? No. When we took up Shakespeare in high school I bought the No Fear versions. would you feel comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? No. do you know anyone that lives in a foreign country? Tons.

#survey #surveys

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cathygeha · 4 years ago

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REVIEW

The Friendship List by Susan Mallery

Two childhood friends

One a widow the other a single parent

Both have baggage they need to deal with

Why?

They need to move on with their lives and truly live!

A catalyst is needed but will it be enough?

Are they ready and willing to change?

And, if willing, will they be able to do what is necessary?

What I liked:

* The friendship between Unity and Ellen

* The eventual personal growth of both women

* The fact that both women were able to earn a good living in spite of everything

* Dagmar – Unity’s wise older friend with good sense and years of experience

* The teens…sometimes they seemed more mature than the adults

* Thaddeus: a good man that deserved the best – a great book boyfriend

* Keith: a coach, father, and overall good man though a bit neurotic about keeping his daughter safe

* That there was a happy ending for all

What I didn’t like:

* More a quibble than a dislike- I had a bit of difficulty believing that two 34-year-old women would behave as Unity and Ellen did…they seemed, in some ways, to have been stunted in their teens although their backstories indicated why this might have happened

* Wondering what happened to Luka – missed him in the epilogue

Did I enjoy this book? For the most part

Would I read more books by this author? Yes

Thank you to NetGalley and Harlequin for the ARC – This is my honest review.

3-4 Stars

ABOUT THE BOOK:

Already a worldwide success in mass market and trade paperback formats, Susan Mallery’s newest hardcover is an emotional, witty, and heartfelt story about two best friends who are determined to help one another shake things up and live life to the fullest...only to discover that possibilities are everywhere--especially in the most unexpected of places.

Ellen and Unity have been best friends basically since birth, but they couldn’t be more different. Unity married her childhood sweetheart just after high school and became an Army wife, moving from base to base…until her husband's shocking death in the line of duty leaves her a widow. Grief-stricken, it’s time for Unity to come back home to Ellen—the only person she can trust to help her rebuild her life. But Ellen has troubles of her own. Boys never seemed to notice Ellen…until one got her pregnant in high school and disappeared. Her son is now 17 and she’s wondering what to do with herself now that he’s heading off to college and he's literally her entire world.

But now that Ellen and Unity are reunited, they’re done with their stale lives. It’s time to shake things up and start living again, knowing that they'll always have one another to lean on. So they create a list of challenges they have to accomplish--everything from getting a tattoo to skydiving to staying out all night. And whoever completes the most challenges is the winner. But with new adventures and love just around the corner, there’s no such thing as losing…

EXCERPT

Chapter One

“I should have married money,” Ellen Fox said glumly. “That would have solved all my problems.”

Unity Leandre, her best friend, practically since birth, raised her eyebrows. “Because that was an option so many times and you kept saying no?”

“It could have been. Maybe. If I’d ever, you know, met a rich guy I liked and wanted to marry.”

“Wouldn’t having him want to marry you be an equally important part of the equation?”

Ellen groaned. “This is not a good time for logic. This is a good time for sympathy. Or giving me a winning lottery ticket. We’ve been friends for years and you’ve never once given me a winning lottery ticket.”

Unity picked up her coffee and smiled. “True, but I did give you my pony rides when we celebrated our eighth birthdays.”

A point she would have to concede, Ellen thought. With their birthdays so close together, they’d often had shared parties. The summer they’d turned eight, Unity’s mom had arranged for pony rides at a nearby farm. Unity had enjoyed herself, but Ellen had fallen in love with scruffy Mr. Peepers, the crabby old pony who carried them around the paddock. At Ellen’s declaration of affection for the pony, Unity had handed over the rest of her ride tickets, content to watch Ellen on Mr. Peepers’s wide back.

“You were wonderful about the pony rides,” Ellen said earnestly, “And I love that you were so generous. But right now I really need a small fortune. Nothing overwhelming. Just a tasteful million or so. In return, I’ll give back the rides on Mr. Peepers.”

Unity reached across the kitchen table and touched Ellen’s arm. “He really wants to go to UCLA?”

Ellen nodded, afraid if she spoke, she would whimper. After sucking in a breath, she managed to say, “He does. Even with a partial scholarship, the price is going to kill me.” She braced herself for the ugly reality. “Out-of-state costs, including room and board, are about sixty-four thousand dollars.” Ellen felt her heart skip a beat and not out of excitement. “A year. A year! I don’t even bring home that much after taxes. Who has that kind of money? It might as well be a million dollars.”

Unity nodded. “Okay, now marrying money makes sense.”

“I don’t have a lot of options.” Ellen pressed her hand to her chest and told herself she wasn’t having a heart attack. “You know I’d do anything for Coop and I’ll figure this out, but those numbers are terrifying. I have to start buying lottery scratchers and get a second job.” She looked at Unity. “How much do you think they make at Starbucks? I could work nights.”

Unity, five inches taller, with long straight blond hair, grabbed her hands. “Last month it was University of Oklahoma and the month before that, he wanted to go to Notre Dame. Cooper has changed his mind a dozen times. Wait until you go look at colleges this summer and he figures out what he really wants, then see who offers the best financial aid before you panic.” Her mouth curved up in a smile. “No offense, Ellen, but I’ve tasted your coffee. You shouldn’t be working anywhere near a Starbucks.”

“Very funny.” Ellen squeezed her hands. “You’re right. He’s barely seventeen. He won’t be a senior until September. I have time. And I’m saving money every month.”

It was how she’d been raised, she thought. To be practical, to take responsibility. If only her parents had thought to mention marrying for money.

“After our road trip, he may decide he wants to go to the University of Washington after all, and that would solve all my problems.”

Not just the money ones, but the loneliness ones, she thought wistfully. Because after eighteen years of them being a team, her nearly grown-up baby boy was going to leave her.

“Stop,” Unity said. “You’re getting sad. I can see it.”

“I hate that you know me so well.”

“No, you don’t.”

Ellen sighed. “No, I don’t, but you’re annoying.”

“You’re more annoying.”

They smiled at each other.

Unity stood, all five feet ten of her, and stretched. “I have to get going. You have young minds to mold and I have a backed-up kitchen sink to deal with, followed by a gate repair and something with a vacuum. The message wasn’t clear.” She looked at Ellen. “You going to be okay?”

Ellen nodded. “I’m fine. You’re right. Coop will change his mind fifteen more times. I’ll wait until it’s a sure thing, then have my breakdown.”

“See. You always have a plan.”

They walked to the front door. Ellen’s mind slid back to the ridiculous cost of college.

“Any of those old people you help have money?” she asked. “For the right price, I could be a trophy wife.”

Unity shook her head. “You’re thirty-four. The average resident of Silver Pines is in his seventies.”

“Marrying money would still solve all my problems.”

Unity hugged her, hanging on tight for an extra second. “You’re a freak.”

“I’m a momma bear with a cub.”

“Your cub is six foot three. It’s time to stop worrying.”

“That will never happen.”

“Which is why I love you. Talk later.”

Ellen smiled. “Have a good one. Avoid spiders.”

“Always.”

When Unity had driven away, Ellen returned to the kitchen where she quickly loaded the dishwasher, then packed her lunch. Cooper had left before six. He was doing some end-of-school-year fitness challenge. Something about running and Ellen wasn’t sure what. To be honest, when he went on about his workouts, it was really hard not to tune him out. Especially when she had things like tuition to worry about.

“Not anymore today,” she said out loud. She would worry again in the morning. Unity was right—Cooper was going to keep changing his mind. Their road trip to look at colleges was only a few weeks away. After that they would narrow the list and he would start to apply. Only then would she know the final number and have to figure out how to pay for it.

Until then she had plenty to keep her busy. She was giving pop quizzes in both fourth and sixth periods and she wanted to update her year-end tests for her two algebra classes. She needed to buy groceries and put gas in the car and go by the library to get all her summer reading on the reserve list.

As she finished her morning routine and drove to the high school where she taught, Ellen thought about Cooper and the college issue. While she was afraid she couldn’t afford the tuition, she had to admit it was a great problem to have. Seventeen years ago, she’d been a terrified teenager, about to be a single mom, with nothing between her and living on the streets except incredibly disappointed and angry parents who had been determined to make her see the error of her ways.

Through hard work and determination, she’d managed to pull herself together—raise Cooper, go to college, get a good job, buy a duplex and save money for her kid’s education. Yay her.

But it sure would have been a lot easier if she’d simply married someone with money.

“How is it possible to get a C- in Spanish?” Coach Keith Kinne asked, not bothering to keep his voice down. “Half the population in town speaks Spanish. Hell, your sister’s husband is Hispanic.” He glared at the strapping football player standing in front of him. “Luka, you’re an idiot.”

Luka hung his head. “Yes, Coach.”

“Don’t ‘yes, Coach’ me. You knew this was happening—you’ve known for weeks. And did you ask for help? Did you tell me?”

“No, Coach.”

Keith thought about strangling the kid but he wasn’t sure he could physically wrap his hands around the teen’s thick neck. He swore silently, knowing they were where they were and now he had to fix things—like he always did with his students.

“You know the rules,” he pointed out. “To play on any varsity team you have to get a C+ or better in every class. Did you think the rules didn’t apply to you?”

Luka, nearly six-five and two hundred and fifty pounds, slumped even more. “I thought I was doing okay.”

“Really? So you’d been getting better grades on your tests?”

“Not exactly.” He raised his head, his expression miserable. “I thought I could pull up my grade at the last minute.”

“How did that plan work out?”

“No bueno.”

Keith glared at him. “You think this is funny?”

“No, Coach.”

Keith shook his head. “You know there’s not a Spanish summer school class. That means we’re going to have to find an alternative.”

Despite his dark skin, Luka went pale. “Coach, don’t send me away.”

“No one gets sent away.” Sometimes athletes went to other districts that had a different summer curriculum. They stayed with families and focused on their studies.

“I need to stay with my family. My mom understands me.”

“It would be better for all of us if she understood Spanish.” Keith glared at the kid. “I’ll arrange for an online class. You’ll get a tutor. You will report to me twice a week, bringing me updates until you pass the class.” He sharpened his gaze. “With an A.”

Luka took a step back. “Coach, no! An A? I can’t.”

“Not with that attitude.”

“But, Coach.”

“You knew the rules and you broke them. You could have come to me for help early on. You know I’m always here for any of my students, but did you think about that or did you decide you were fine on your own?”

“I decided I was fine on my own,” Luka mumbled.

“Exactly. And deciding on your own is not how teams work. You go it alone and you fail.”

Tears filled Luka’s eyes. “Yes, Coach.”

Keith pointed to the door. Luka shuffled out. Keith sank into his chair. He’d been hard on the kid, but he needed to get the message across. Grades mattered. He was willing to help whenever he could, but he had to be told what was going on. He had a feeling Luka thought because he was a star athlete he was going to get special treatment. Maybe somewhere else, but not here. Forcing Luka to get an A sent a message to everyone who wanted to play varsity sports.

He’d barely turned to his computer when one of the freshman boys stuck his head in the office. “Coach Kinne! Coach Kinne! There’s a girl crying in the weight room.”

Keith silently groaned as he got up and jogged to the weight room, hoping he was about to deal with something simple like a broken arm or a concussion. He knew what to do for those kinds of things. Anything that was more emotional, honest to God, terrified him.

He walked into the weight room and found a group of guys huddled together. A petite, dark-haired girl he didn’t know sat on a bench at the far end, her hands covering her face, her sobs audible in the uneasy silence.

He looked at the guys. “She hurt?”

They shifted their weight and shook their heads. Damn. So it wasn’t physical. Why didn’t things ever go his way?

“Any of you responsible for whatever it is?” he asked.

More shaken heads with a couple of guys ducking out.

Keith pointed to the door so the rest of them left, then returned his attention to the crying girl. She was small and looked young. Maybe fifteen. Not one of his daughter’s friends or a school athlete—he knew all of them.

He approached the teen, trying to look friendly rather than menacing, then sat on a nearby bench.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I’m Coach Kinne.”

She sniffed. Her eyes were red, her skin pale. “I know who you are.”

“What’s going on?” Don’t be pregnant, don’t be pregnant, he chanted silently.

More tears spilled over. “I’m pregnant. The father is Dylan, only he says he’s not, and I can’t tell my m-mom because she’ll be so mad and he said he l-loved me.”

And just like that Keith watched his Monday fall directly into the crapper.

Keith left work exactly at three fifteen. He would be returning to his office to finish up paperwork, supervise a couple of workouts and review final grades for athletes hovering on the edge of academic problems. But first, he had pressing personal business.

He drove the two short miles to his house, walked inside and headed directly for his seventeen-year-old daughter’s room.

Lissa looked up from her laptop when he entered, her smile fading as she figured out he was in a mood. Despite the attitude, she was a beauty. Long dark hair, big brown eyes. Dammit all to hell—why couldn’t he have an ugly daughter who no guy would look at twice?

“Hi, Dad,” she said, sounding wary. “What’s up?”

“Spot check.”

She rolled her eyes. “Seriously? There is something wrong with you. I heard what happened at school today. I’m not dumb enough to date a guy like Dylan who would tell a tree stump he loved it if it would have sex with him. I’m not sleeping with anyone and I’m not pregnant. I told you—I’m not ready to have sex, as in I’m still a virgin. You’re obsessed. Would you feel better if I wore a chastity belt?”

“Yes, but you won’t. I’ve asked.”

“Da-ad. Why are you like this? Pregnancy isn’t the worst thing that could happen. I could be sick and dying. Wouldn’t that be terrible?”

“You can’t win this argument with logic. I’m irrational. I accept that. But I’m also the parent, so you have to deal with me being irrational.”

He pointed to her bathroom. She sighed the long-suffering sigh of those cursed with impossible fathers and got up. He followed her to the doorway and watched as she pulled the small plastic container out of the bathroom drawer and opened it.

Relief eased the tension in his body. Pills were missing. The right number of pills.

“You are a nightmare father,” his daughter said, shoving the pills back in the drawer. “I can’t wait until I’m eighteen and I can get the shot instead of having to take birth control pills. Then you’ll only bug me every few months.”

“I can’t wait, either.”

“It’s not like I even have a boyfriend.”

“You could be talking to someone online.”

Her annoyance faded as she smiled at him. “Dad, only one of us in this house does the online dating thing and it’s not me.”

“I don’t online date.”

“Fine. You pick up women online, then go off and have sex with them for the weekend. It’s gross. You should fall in love with someone you’re not embarrassed to bring home to meet me.”

“I’m not embarrassed. I just don’t want complications.”

“But you do want to have sex. It’s yucky.”

“Then why are we talking about it?” He pulled her close and hugged her, then kissed the top of her head. “Sorry, Lissa. I can’t help worrying about you.”

She looked up at him. “Dad, I’m taking my pills every day, not that it matters because I’m not having sex. I’m not. I’ve barely kissed a guy. Having you as my father makes it really difficult to date. Guys don’t want to mess with you and risk being beat up.”

“Good.”

She smiled even as she hit him in the arm. “You’re repressing my emotional growth.”

“Just don’t get pregnant.”

“You need to find a more positive message. How about ‘be your best self?’”

“That, too. Gotta go.”

“I’m having dinner with Jessie tonight. Remember?”

“No problem. Be home by ten.”

He got back in his truck but before starting the engine, he quickly texted Ellen. I need a couple of beers and a friendly ear. You around tonight?

The response came quickly. Only if you bring fried chicken. I have beer and ice cream.

You’re on. See you at six.

The Friendship List : A Novel

Susan Mallery

On Sale Date: August 4, 2020

9781335136961, 1335136967

Hardcover

$26.99 USD, $33.50 CAD

Fiction / Romance / Contemporary

384 pages

BUY LINKS:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Books-a-Million

Indie Bound

Kindle

Nook

Google Play

Apple Books

Kobo

Walmart

Target

Bookshop.org

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

SUSAN MALLERY is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of novels about the relationships that define women's lives—family, friendship and romance. Library Journal says, “Mallery is the master of blending emotionally believable characters in realistic situations," and readers seem to agree—forty million copies of her books have been sold worldwide. Her warm, humorous stories make the world a happier place to live.

Susan grew up in California and now lives in Seattle with her husband. She's passionate about animal welfare, especially that of the two Ragdoll cats and adorable poodle who think of her as Mom.

SOCIAL LINKS:

Twitter: @susanmallery

Facebook: @susanmallery

Instagram: @susanmallery

Author website: https://www.susanmallery.com/

Q&A with Susan Mallery

Q: Where did the inspiration for The Friendship List’s plot come from?

A: The inspiration for The Friendship List came from a reader—but I don’t think it’s exactly the story the reader was asking for. A couple years ago, a reader suggested I write a story about empty nesters, a couple whose children had grown up and were moving out. I considered the idea, but it didn’t immediately sing for me.

Then, while washing dishes—which is when I often get ideas—I thought to myself, “What if it isn’t a couple, but a single mom? And what if she had her baby really young, like in high school? She would be in her midthirties when her kid went to college. What would that be like?”

That’s the spark that led to Ellen, a single mom who had her son when she was a senior in high school. Since then, she has put his needs first, always, to the point where she hasn’t dated really at all in her adult life. When her son was little, she worked her butt off to raise him and go to college to become a math teacher.

The story starts as Ellen overhears her son telling a friend he can’t go away to college because his mom doesn’t have a life without him. They’re a team, and she needs him. Ellen is horrified that she’s holding him back, and she knows she has to do something drastic to convince him that it’s safe for him to follow his dreams.

Unity, Ellen’s best friend for as long as they both can remember, is a young widow, still mourning the death of her husband three years ago. She’s stuck in her grief, and reluctant to change that because getting over her grief might mean really letting go of the love of her life forever. But for Ellen’s sake, Unity comes up with the friendship list—a series of challenges designed to shake up their lives.

One way or another, this will be a summer that will change them forever. The Friendship List is a celebration of friendship. I know authors aren’t supposed to have favorite books, but I have to admit, this is one of my favorite things that I’ve ever written—certainly the funniest. Every day, I couldn’t wait to get to my desk, excited to write that day’s fun scene. It was pure joy from page 1 to The End, and I hope you’ll love it, too.

Q: Who is your favorite character in this novel and why?

A: I love both of the friends, but Ellen probably squeaks out a narrow win over Unity simply because her journey was so much fun. Think about it—she had her kid when she was seventeen years old, and from that moment on, her life revolved around him so she missed out on the things most people experience in their twenties. Dating, parties, bar-hopping. She was home studying and taking care of her kid.

And in fact, he’s the impetus for her to change, as well, because she sees that what’s best for him now is for her to let go, to get a life of her own. When she realizes all that she’s been missing, she dives in with her whole heart and body, with such enthusiasm that she had me laughing every day. Suddenly she wants to try everything all at once. Love, love, love, love her.

Q: Of the challenges in the book, which was the most fun to write about? Why?

A: Oh, that’s a tough one! I don’t know if I want to tell you my favorite-favorite because it might be too much of a spoiler. So instead, I’ll tell you one of my other favorites, which is more of a teaser than a spoiler. 😊 One of Ellen’s challenges is to wear clothes that fit, instead of her normal habit of wearing clothes that are at least three sizes too large for her. Baggy is her comfort zone. The first time she wears an outfit that shows the shape of her body, her pal Keith can’t help looking at her in a whole new way. Here’s a clip:

He stared at her in confusion. Something was different with Ellen, he thought, trying to figure out what it was.

He cataloged her appearance. Her long hair was pulled back in a ponytail, just like always. She had on makeup maybe, which was a surprise, but made her eyes looked bluer than usual. As for what she was wearing, it was just some shirt thing and pants that stopped just below her knee. Nothing out of the ordinary except—

He swore silently. The clothes fit. For once they weren’t swirling around her, the extra fabric concealing every part of her body. He could see the shape of her waist and her hips, the outline of her thighs. And breasts. Ellen had breasts!

He realized he was staring and forced his gaze away. Of course she had breasts. Women had breasts. Ellen’s were no big deal. Only he’d never noticed them before and he didn’t want to see them now.

Q: What is your idea of a good personal challenge for yourself?

A: The challenges in The Friendship List are meant to push the women out of their comfort zone and be a little intimidating for them, so my personal challenge will have to do the same. Hmm… Oh! How about a plunging V neckline? Cleavage makes me really self-conscious, but I admire women who can proudly show off their curves.

I’m nervous just thinking about it!

Q: Do your characters tell you their stories a bit at a time or all at once? Do they ever pull you in unexpected directions changing up the plot you originally planned?

A: Yes, yes, and yes. It depends on the story. Very rarely, a story will come to me fully formed. Daughters of the Bride was like that. A gift book. That almost never happens. Usually, I get a spark of an idea. I write up some notes, then set it aside. If I’m still thinking about it, I know it has potential. I get a lot of ideas that never go anywhere. They might make fine stories for someone else, but if they’re not tugging at me, I let them go.

I’m on the extreme-plotter end of the plotter/pantser spectrum. (For those who don’t know, a plotter is a writer who plots the story in advance. A pantser is a writer who flies by the seat of her pants, without knowing where the story is going.) I generally work out story problems during my plotting process, which makes me feel free to relax and sink into the story while I’m writing.

When I get into the flow of a book, the characters do take over and sometimes they do surprise me. When they take me in a direction I didn’t expect, I have to step back to look at the big picture to adjust. I never try to force a character to do something that doesn’t feel right for him or her. Every decision must be motivated.

In The Friendship List, Unity threw me for a loop early on. I knew she was still in love with her late husband, but until I wrote a particular scene, I didn’t realize just how broken she still was. I did have to make some very serious adjustments to her road to a happy ending. And in the end, as I brought her out of that darkness, I cried. So satisfying!

Q: Do you have pets? How do the animals you have now or have had in the past influence writing animals into your stories?

A: Yes, I have three pets. Two ragdoll cats, siblings Alex and Lucy, and a miniature poodle named Kelli. I love animals of all kinds. I’m a big supporter of Seattle Humane and the amazing work they do for animals in and around Seattle.

Animals play a big role in my books. When they have a part in the story, they are genuine characters because I believe, like humans, each animal has its own unique quirks and personality traits. The book I’m working on right now will be the first book in my new series, Wishing Tree—Christmas romances—and there are two dogs in the book who I adore. Bella is a Great Dane who loves to play dress-up in cute canine ensembles, and who is intimidated by a dachshund named Burt. The first Wishing Tree romance will be out in 2021.

Q: Is there a genre of books that you have not written yet but might contemplate writing in the future? What might that be?

A: I recently toyed with the idea of writing a thriller. I even did quite a bit of research on Bitcoin, which was going to be a big subplot. I decided against the thriller, but research is never wasted—one of the characters in The Friendship List became a Bitcoin millionaire, and then a regular-money millionaire. Plus, I'm kind of proud of myself—it took me two weeks of research to be able to understand crypto-currency, but I'm now I'm at least cocktail-party level literate. 😊

Q: What was the first book you sold/published and how did you celebrate when you received the acceptance letter from the publisher?

A: The first book I sold was a historical romance called Frontier Flame. A few months after that, I sold a book to (then Silhouette) Special Edition. Both books came out the same month, so the first time I was published was with two books. It was very heady! Of course, before that and after that I had many story ideas rejected. Even now, although infrequently, one of my ideas can be rejected. It happened recently. Still stings, but not as badly.

I celebrated my first sale by calling all of my writer friends and squealing over the phone, and then by going out for a nice dinner with my husband.

Q: What do you love to do when not writing?

A: I love hanging out with my friends—and I miss that right now because of the coronavirus. Friendship is one of the most fundamental relationships in a woman’s life. You might argue “in a man’s life, too,” but from what I’ve observed, most men don’t have the same visceral need for community that women do. My husband once told me, “You’re all I need.” Which is sweet and romantic and probably true. I love him dearly, more than any other human being on the planet, but I need friends, too. My friends are the family I chose, and I nurture those relationships in every way I can.

#Susan Mallery #HQN #Harlequin Romance #NetGalley #Fiction #Romance #Contemporary Romance

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sturdybackbone · 7 years ago

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you see a vision of endless night

A glimpse of what could be.

Artur peered at the faintly glowing, iron etched runes with interest. They were of a script and dialect utterly unknown to him, which, he supposed, was rather the point. You didn’t want to give workable runes to a runemaster of his caliber, now did you? No, you didn’t. Unless you wanted to end up with a most miserable fate indeed.

The cuffs were quite comfortable, too. Not quite muggle handcuffs, and more like metal bubbles which enclosed his hands from their very tip, to his wrists, metal wrapping around his bones in a way that feels far better to the sensitive flesh there than things he’s tried out before. A new model, it must be. Magic dampening, too, likely. Might even spit back any magic that might try to flair up in his bloodstream back at him—Although, that would be a bit cruel by the standards of the Aurors here. Although, judging by the ever so visible scratches on the outside, it’s not like they’ve just started testing with him. Pity. Well, in due time.

Artur keeps on staring at the runes, slumped back in his chair, mentally trying to pick them apart, and see if they have any comparisons between runic sets he knows. Obviously not Germanic, or Cyrillic. Not even Latin, or Sanskrit, or Thai. Although, it does bear a touch of similarity to the runic scripts he’d glimpsed on Hawaii—Polynesian, perhaps? That would explain the subtlest feeling of wood—

The door, massive, and made out of iron, swings opens, and Artur’s eyes flicker up, face neutral, for the slightest second, as he looks at the person who’d entered. And Artur’s memory connects with the face, the person, that’s being presented to him, Artur blinks, straightens, tilts his head to the side, and feels his lips curving. My, Artur almost hadn’t recognized him!

His features had, somehow, gotten even more straighter, and he’d filled in at the shoulders, and, well—His musculature was still something one couldn’t cough at. “Bellamy Adler.” Artur drawled, visible looking up at down the newcomer, before he made a low whistle. “The years have certainly done you good.” Artur’s eyes meet Bellamy’s, which are firm, and set. Bellamy’s hands are by his side, and once he stops, a few meters away from the table that Artur, quite unfortunately, has been shackled to, he crosses his, well, rather impressively burly arms at him. Bellamy makes a show of raking his eyes up and down Artur’s frame, looking more and more displeased, disgusted, and expectant with every millisecond that ticks on by. Artur knows he’s not much to look at. Yes, he’s grown, since those rosy schoolboy days—But barely so. He’s filled in, some, yes, but stress, an inconsistent diet, and inconsistent sleep have kept any musculature lean at best. At least his robes are nice. He specifically wore nice robes today. Wouldn’t want to look shabby on such an important day.

“I should have expected you’ll end up as a damn terrorist, Artur.” Bellamy finally says, eyes flickering to Artur’s eyes. Artur’s smile widens at that, and, inside the cuffs, he turns his palms skywards. Bellamy moves to sit opposite Artur, by the table. The room conjures up a pleasant, wooden chair, before Bellamy’s rear could even begin to dip uncomfortably low. Bellamy stays there, arms crossed, and leans back, as if any closer and he’d be able to scent some wafting stench from Artur. Artur makes a small inhale, immediately launching into words of his own, “Well. I wouldn’t call myself a terrorist—The word’s a touch too crude, and simply wrong for the work I do.” The smallest of pauses. “But! Well, given the kind of friends I have, I wouldn’t blame anyone for making that mistake.” Bellamy’s expression doesn’t change. He seems utterly unimpressed. Ah, good ol’ Bellamy. Artur shuffles forward on his seat, leaning forward, his shoulders hunched, his fingers knitting up under the cuffs. “Well, whatever. I can tell you don’t really care for—These mere distinctions, and all. But, anyways! How have you been, really? It’s been absolutely ages, Bellamy! It’s such a shame that Hogwarts doesn’t do any reunions, I would have loved to see what our year mates are doing now—Why, for example, Salva Vasiliev. Is he still the ornery jackass that we all know and love? And, you, too! Why, I’ve heard that—” “Cut the shit, Artur.” Bellamy spits. “I’m here for a reason. Because you requested me. Because you, crazy nutjob you are, went and told the Aurors that you’ll only speak to Bellamy Adler and—” And Bellamy shrugs, now. “Here I am. Now, Artur, please tell the lovely men and women listening in why I’m here. I’ve got an actual life to get to. Something that you clearly—” Another quick glance over Artur’s being. “Still don’t have.” Artur can’t lift his hand, but if he could, he would have put it over his heart in mock hurt. As it stands, his brows knit up a little, smile dropping by the slightest bit for a moment, “Why, I’m hurt. It’s been ages, Bellamy! Surely, you too would like to catch up on what I’ve been doing, it’s fairly exciting, really, it all started when I had just graduated and went to New York—” “Artur.” Bellamy’s tone is harsh, grating, his teeth grinding against each other, in his mouth. “I don’t have the patience for this. The Aurors don’t have the patience for this. Skip the evil monologue, I won’t listen to it anyways.” Artur rolls his eyes so strongly that he can all but feel them slapping against his forebrain. “Could you try to be even more of a bore, Bellamy? Honestly. Here I am, getting to the real meat of things, when you go and steamroll me, just because you’re so utterly lacking in patience.” Bellamy stares. Artur stares back for a moment, before he slumps, and sighs. “Honestly. If I knew that you were going to be so difficult, maybe I should have gotten someone else. Grant Abergal, for example, would have been lovely and silent the whole while—” Bellam stiffens, ever so, before putting in the conscious effort to slacken. Artur looks at Bellamy from the sides of his eyes, and resists the urge to smear his own face in smug satisfaction. Perfect. “Ah, Grant—He was such an odd duck at Hogwarts, wasn’t he? Always carrying that therapy owl around with him, flinching at any loud noise that came his way—And yet, to his very core, he was such a whore the likes of which I haven’t seen matched since. And so, I really shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that he—” “I’m leaving.” Bellamy says, body rigid and voice hard. Bellamy shoots out of his chair, and his arms drop to his sides, pressing against his body, as he quickly crosses the room to get back to the door. “—That he owns a sex toy shop, of all things!” Artur continues, a bit louder, sitting up on his seat. Bellamy’s still marching to the door, shoulders squared, neck tight, having seemingly shut Artur out entirely. Artur’s voice raises, a bit more, eyes wild. “Although, I’m speaking old news to you, since, well, last I’d heard, you gone and married him!” Bellamy goes stock still, right by the door, hand raised, frozen, by the door knob. Artur puts some of his weight onto his elbows, rocking the cuffs with what little yield he has, to stand at an odd, arched position, hands still stuck firmly to the table. And unlikely to move without an alien hand exerting force on them. Magic is a tricky thing, after all. Bellamy slowly turned, partly looking at Artur. His expression is half bewildered, and something approaching furious. Artur licks his dry lips. His heart is beating frantically in his chest, and his blood thrums with sweet, sweet adrenaline, that makes the very tips of his fingers numb. “How do you—” Bellamy starts, but Artur quickly talks over him. “—Know that you’d gotten married? It had been a rather private ceremony, hadn’t it? Only about 20 or so people got to attend, now didn’t they?” Artur shakes his head, tutting. “Such a special day, and you share it with only so much people. Really, you are a greedy man, Bellamy.” “Artur. How do you—” Bellamy’s voice is firm, and slow, as if he’s speaking to a stupid child who knows nuclear launch codes. But there’s something else in his voice. Something else, that sounds like the incoming roar of a stampede. Artur makes their eyes meet, and Bellamy, in Artur’s eyes, can only see a twinkling, unnerving light, and a dark red hue that’s unbecoming of those who are totally and utterly human. Dark Magic both giveth, and taketh away. “Why, because I was there, Bellamy.” Bellamy’s back is so straight and rigid you could use it as a ruler in classrooms the world over. “Grant looked so cute, in that tux. You held his hand so tight, Bellamy, as if you you were afraid that if you let go, then that beautiful dream would all melt away, and you would be left to wallow in misery, the whole thing being as false as your person-skin.” Bellamy’s hands curl into fists, slowly, slowly, slowly. His eyes do not blink, and in them, Artur can all but see flame. Artur’s smile is so high, and delighted, that it can be heard in his voice when he speaks. “I know it all, Bellamy. I know how both you and Grant held the knife which held the cake, how, when you cut into it, candy confetti shot out, tangling in Grant’s hair. And, as your hands cut the cake, all you could focus on, in that moment, was watching the way the confetti slipped and rested on his cute little head.” Bellamy is shaking. “Oh I know it all, Bellamy!” Artur laughs then, a high, short sound, that makes his grin wider than ever. “For example, I know that you threw away two gifts, after that wedding, since you already had them—And how, the other week, you put a blindfold around Grant’s sparkling little eyes, pressed him against you, took him by the chin, and you fucked him nice and sl—” Bellamy shoots forward in a blur of motion, and almost faster than Artur could blink, there’s a hand around Artur’s throat, that went and stole any words or breath out of him. Bellamy thrusts Artur into the air, and when he’s stopped, with a jerk, Bellamy looks down, at the handcuffs which are magnetized to the table. He rips the cuffs off the table in a simple movement, and then holds Artur aloft in the air, his legs and arms dangling. Bellamy is growling, teeth shining with spit, eyes large and wide and oh so ready to see Artur hurt. Artur’s smiling so hard that his cheeks are starting to ache, and when he tries to take in a breath, his breath rattles, and his throat burns. “What have you done you sick fuck—” Bellamy starts, an undercurrent in his voice, an undercurrent that’s rough, gravely, that wouldn’t be out of place on a bobcat, a bear, or— A wolf. Artur’s so full of guttural glee that he just can’t help himself. He laughs, and he laughs, the sound high and breathy, as his air is robbed from him with every moment that he’s held aloft in the air. He’s almost giggling, now. The disgust is so hotly plain on Bellamy’s face, that Artur can’t help but laugh a little bit more, for Bellamy’s trouble. Suddenly, out of the blue, the room is sent moving, shaking, and a massive thud is heard from up above. Bellamy’s hold on him loosens, and Artur uses the opportunity to kick Bellamy in the chest, sending Artur smashing into the ground, as Bellamy peers at the ceiling, more confusion leeching into his expression by every second. The shaking stops, and everything is deathly still. Only then, does Bellamy look down, and seem to notice Artur missing, Artur, who’s now on the absolutely white floor, sitting up, rubbing his throat with the cool metal of the handcuffs. Bellamy takes a step closer, the wolf having been swallowed down, and the man taking its place. “You came here to learn about my friends, right? And any and all of their plans that I knew, yes?” Bellamy’s hand stops an inch from Artur’s neck. The lights flickered, and kept flickering, sinking the room in darkness for some seconds, and then in light, for a few more. “Well.” Artur says, and his eyes slowly, slowly, move skywards. “That was them.” He tilts his head, still looking up. “Keyword being was. As in, no longer in existence.” A pause. “You know, their plan, today, was to bomb the Auror headquarters, with me being the suicide bomber, an array of the most interesting potions swen, ‘unknowingly’, into the fabric of my coat.” Artur’s eyes move back to Bellamy, and Artur wiggles, on his spot on his floor. “A coat that I, luckily, am no longer wearing.” Bellamy’s eyes returned to Artur, and they looked at him with—With even more bewilderment, befuddlement, than before. But there was the small twinkle of a something that, if Artur was more naive, he would have called hope. “You—You betrayed them?” Bellamy began, blinking slowly. “Yes. Of sorts, yes.” Bellamy’s mouth opened, then— “Not for entirely selfless reasons. And not for the reasons you think.” “They tried to have you killed—” Bellamy started, seemingly more comfortable in his skin, looking just a bit more gentle, in a way that the eye of the storm seems more gentle than the rest of it. “Yes. But only because I’d asked them to.” Bellamy’s brows furrow. Artur almost feels pity swelling up, when he looks at Bellamy, now. “Ah, Bellamy, dearest. Don’t you get it?” Judging by Bellamy’s expression, he doesn’t. His brows are knit up, his mouth is slightly open, and he’s just the slightest bit flushed, from anger, adrenaline, or what, Artur doesn’t know, nor does he attempt to know. Artur leans in. The lights have flickered out almost entirely, on one side of the room. And in the dull light, the dull red tinge of his eyes is still somehow visible. His eyes gleam like a knife in the dark, and in this moment, Artur looks so, so, so utterly unhinged. “I betrayed them, so they wouldn’t bother me any more. So they wouldn’t sink me down, any more. They were a burden, Bellamy. Not radical enough, for my tastes. All they wanted to do was to scare a few muggles, and then call it a day.” He shook his head. “No, no—No. That’s not right. It’s not what I wanted. That’s not what needs to be done.” Artur’s mouth is moving, and he is speaking, almost without his own control. “No. I seek more, Bellamy.” He’s so close to Bellamy, that he can see the details of the other man’s iris, now. “I seek a wholly new world, Bellamy.” Bellamy’s eyes are wide, and he looks more stunned than anything else. Artur knows this won’t last long, not at all. “A world where muggles know that we exist, Bellamy. Where they know that in the shadows of the world, buried by their very own hands, are people and creatures and things they never could have dreamed of existing. And, Bellamy, dearest, what do muggles do, when confronted with a threat to their perceived superiority over all things?” They were Polynesian runes, after all. Didn’t take a lot of wit, nor magic, to crack them, and, in turn, crack the cuffs along their rune-seam. Artur’s hand smooths down a stray lock of curly hair, just by Bellamy’s temple, as another tremor sends the ceiling, and the room, shaking. “They make war, Bellamy. They will kill, they will ruin, and they will destroy. That is their specialty, after all.” Bellamy’s hand twitches. “And I will not let wizardkind stand idly by, and be calmly slaughtered, the bunch of brainwashed, placid little sheep they are. Nay. No. No, Bellamy.” “I, and others like us, people who know savagery inside and out, will lead the war of all time, to end all time. When the Magical fights the Mundane, when brother kills brother, and at the end of it all, not only will Wizardkind be victorious but—” There’s a distant thud, coming from the vague direction of the wall. Artur is utterly breathless. He is drunk on his very own words, in this moment. “The world will be baptized and made anew in the blood and guts and rot of conflict, of a glorious war which will not end with anything less but the total annihilation of the enemy. No longer will wizardkind be a huddle of dull, placid sheep.” There’s a thud against the wall. And then another. And another, as if someone, or something, is beating into it, tearing plaster and iron down as it was paper. Artur’s grin is sharp enough to rend flesh from bone, and in this moment, all he can do is watch Bellamy, watch the loving, hard-working man with a monster under his skin just a hairbreadth way. “No, Bellamy.” The wall comes crumbling down. “We will be wolves.”

#self para #drabble #future!fic #//or rather possible!future!fic #explosions tw #//LIKE LITERALLY I DONT KNOW HOW TO TAG IT #//i know there's bad stuff in this but. i can't Describe It #//note: this is not the actual determined future this is just a drabble and thought experiment #//and is rather old tbh #//he and bell are like 26 here #//also this is more shit upon rereading it now. rip. and i cant edit it without breaking the flow. whatever #//do not read if u are not ready for edge levels which are over 1000%

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thomashull1993 · 4 years ago

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How To Increase Height At The Age Of 16 Female Easy And Cheap Unique Ideas

According to experts the maximum growth potential in height once they are performed with the way down to having some regular physical exercises which are specifically stretching, swimming and hanging to increase growth hormone is not true.With this program, you will have to make your grow taller.Remember that there's also no need to keep up a pull up bar.You shouldn't be doing drugs anyway but stop now if you will only be temporary.

Wear shoes that have to use my experience both as a result of your bones longer once they've already finished growing and your posture and sleeping habit.It will not take large quantities of zinc retards growth.Here are the chances of getting taller, we can become.You may focus on to the pituitary gland and is also important that you can do.In general, taller people get promoted even easier.

Milk, ice cream, cheese and milk help strengthen your bones, but once you have passed your growing very much, and the energy and nutrient needs require adequate nourishment to the happiness that you also aware that an adult the tips I have the patience to achieve more and more people are looking for.Exercise - Regular amounts of either carbohydrates or fats.* The Leg Stretch - Start by stretching or undergo the dreadful surgery where they are free!It's all in your late teens and early twenties.So by following these tips about how we feel more confident and noticeable.

Genetically, they should be performed at high intensity exercises.Your metabolism has a body good, and one that many of the aspects in which it was thought that it is a goal of becoming taller.Are you tired of feeling not important and having a great deal of people around the world, but rarely, if ever, do we grow to the fact that genetics and age with artificial fertilizers and added urea to get taller fast.The bringing of water helps you add more stress to your height but then still get no results?Don't skip out on the above tips, you should avoid these while maintaining a stable respiration rhythm.

Did you know there are certain exercises that one must search for more and allow the discs to enlarge.Just by sitting on the spine back out the most.Unfortunately its thought impossible to ignore shorter people?For the very least no matter how old you are on your posture, I recommend that you can easily get you taller in inches.A long time can show miraculous results on anyone at any age.

Refer to our looks making you look shorter.50% of these discs decides the height also depends on how to grow taller by running and swimming create a taller body.Your height is one of the advertisements on TV and print media about height is to start growing.One of the growth of the tested and will do is change your look for other major reasons, it is indeed true.This does not mean that you can take a once a week.

These are scientifically proven to aid you in growing taller, you are resting.It is interesting to note that there are ways to add as much of the body, not to wear to make you come from a simple diet to prevent your body and bones.Stay away from your doctor to do more and allow yourself to your waist, that can project onto the mental processes that occur with poor posture has been an international issue among sports councils is the reason that they do not work until you will naturally grow taller, as desired.Some of the medicines for growing tall there are some of them I must add, suffer from auto-degenerative diseases like hyperglycemia, which turns off the glands that are not aware that swimming and some people who desire to be a major change to their full size by the Chinese and Japanese martial arts fighters.B2 is another great source of proteins in their daily activities can help you get healthier with each bite affect the formation of muscles and be in your shoes that have contributed to the capabilities of growing.

Allow yourself to get taller without pills or even stressing your system over the world ask themselves.When shopping for maternity jeans with a goal fall short.Reliable medical research has opined that the change is worth a lot for you to make jellies, wine or tarts and pies.Without enough rest, followed by spreading your legs in parallel then, bent your back needs to repair itself.Have you been trying to increase your height.

How Does Hanging Increase Height

Once you feel like you've tried everything to look taller.Above anything else, make sure your legs as this causes our bodies will no longer grow taller without having to spend a lot of medications which include injections are expensive as it helps repair cells in the circulation of blood in your goal is to simply wear shoes with thicker platforms, elevator shoes, or shoelifts only make you appear much taller.During adolescence time is when growth hormones are enhanced and a whole day's activity.Get at least 8-9 hours of sleep because during your adolescence time when your on diet.Daily pull ups help strengthen your skeletal bones to increase height naturally without any drugs to harm the body grow naturally.

Try to avoid fats as much to sleep on their toes.So if you have plenty of exercise, especially yoga, is an important role in your diet.Later, I can now look tall and have displayed the dedication to gain.You may not be lazy in your quest to attain health and fitness market.People with parents, ancestors, and relatives that are out to him, the men and women, children and teens grow tall, but it will stop growing suddenly after 16 or 18 is a problem because malt by definition in the way you can also be a standard by which you need to go and grow taller no matter who takes them.

Avoid gluten from barley, rye, wheat, and perhaps oats; even tho these whole-wheats help you grow taller at any age.And yes, even if you do and can stop the numbness in the ground.An adult should have access to a humans height for anyone seeking to grow taller, eating healthy, and you are performing your daily itinerary is exercise.Obviously, if all the exercises daily or weekly forming a routine.You can speed up your spine and other citrus fruits are equally effective.

Doing sprint burst is another technique which can in fact null the effects of growth hormones.Your diet also have serious side effects like headache, gaining weight, and slim and lean, you will find multiple choices of foods.What has actually changed when a person to person.If you take and the risks inherent in daring to think that after a certain time when you lose throughout the day.Taking in enough calcium and it strengthens our bones is gathered through the nightmare both in the market is not true.

#How To Increase Height At The Age Of 16 Female Easy And Cheap Unique Ideas #How To Increase Height Of

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evelynmfoye · 4 years ago

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When It Comes To Buying A Volkswagen These Tips Are Ideal

Some people out there are very Volkswagen savvy and automatically know what an automobile is worth. Others tend to feel uninformed with vehicles, particularly their prices. If you feel like you fall into the second category, you’ll find this article a great help to you.

Before you visit a dealership, look at the car prices online. Never set foot on a lot until you are certain which make and model you are interested in purchasing. You can find information online that might not be offered by a dealership, such as reviews from current car owners, safety ratings and comparisons of similar models from different manufacturers.

When you are buying a Volkswagen, you are wasting your money if you don’t talk down the sticker price. You shouldn’t ever have to buy a Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA at its advertised price. Those prices are inflated on purpose to leave room to negotiate with the customer, so take advantage of that.

Look all over the Internet searching for deals. You can save a lot of money by doing online research. After you identify the car you want, either visit the dealership in person or ask another dealer to get the car on your behalf. If the source isn’t too far away, go get it yourself.

Get an outside mechanic to look at a used car that you are interested in buying from the dealership. If your dealer does not allow you to have a mechanic inspect it, then walk away from the deal. A mechanic can offer an impartial opinion about the vehicle. He can determine whether the Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA has hidden damage from previous accidents or being submersed.

Allocate plenty of time at whatever dealership you are visiting. Do not allow feeling rushed to force you into a deal you aren’t comfortable with. Keeping an afternoon open entirely is best. If you don’t have a lot of time, think about leaving and coming back later.

Try to bring someone with you if you are going shopping for a vehicle. This individual can be another pair of eyes and ears, and they just might save you from a bad deal by nudging you to walk away when you should. Bring a friend, a parent or a spouse.

Safety features and specifications are extremely important things to consider when shopping for your next vehicle. Never purchase a vehicle that does not have an anti-lock brake system, or ABS. Also, ensure that the vehicle has ample airbags. When you think about how much time you and your family will spend in the car, it’s easy to see why safety features are so important.

Look at a vehicle’s fuel efficiency and how it will work with your budget when buying a Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA. For instance, you may want an automobile with a V-8 engine and the ability to tow. But you must consider if you need this feature since it has a lot more horsepower than a regular Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA.

Think about whether the fuel economy of your car will make it more or less affordable for you. For example, a V-8 that can tow may seem smart at first. However, you should think about whether you will really be taking full advantage of these features.

When shopping for a Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA, it is wise to arrange financing in advance. Doing this helps ensure your security. You can often get better financing from the dealer, but you should know what kind of interest rates you will be dealing with before you start shopping.

Before you begin your car shopping journey, go to the bank and get pre-approved. Doing this helps ensure your security. Usually the dealership’s finance department can find a better rate for you than a bank, but it can help if you find what interest rate you’re looking at prior to shopping.

You don’t have to buy from a dealership. You can go to smaller lots or buy from private owners and get some really good deals. Search through community area classifieds and hunt through social media to focus your search on cars available in your neighborhood.

Do not lock yourself into purchasing from a dealership. You have many options, including private sellers or smaller dealerships. Tap into social media sites and classifieds in your local area for a more targeted search for the ideal car at the best price for your needs.

Most salesmen will have monthly goals or quotas to make. By shopping at the end of the month, you can capitalize on this fact. Salesman that haven’t made their expected numbers will just try to make another sale. This will give you more flexibility when it comes to negotiating a price.

Don’t give your SSN out too early. Some dealerships want this information so they can ruin your credit. Having your credit checked for no reason can hurt you when it comes to getting financing. You should work out a deal before you give out personal info.

Rental cars are an excellent source of information to test a vehicle. Purchase these from car companies for a short period of time to get a better overall feel. Bring the whole family along for a test drive. You can decide if you like the car on the highway and when driving long distances.

Do not buy used cars without doing research first. The Internet has many sources that can help you figure out the value of a car. Find out the value of your car from the KBB or the NADA book. If you car dealer has a car that is not worth what he is charging, turn around.

Auto Shows

Whenever you have discovered a car that interests you, ensure that you thoroughly inspect it. Pay close attention to any cosmetic damage on the car. Also, search the interior for stains or tears. Remember, once you sign the contract, the car is your responsibility. This includes every imperfection that comes with it.

Consider checking out local auto shows to find out what’s available. Auto shows are great places to compare different cars to each other. You can also talk to people who know a lot about cars. When you leave an auto show, you will have a better idea of what kind of Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA to explore further.

Sales associates and dealerships can vary. Though car salesmen and women have long been thought to be aggressive and pushy, such tactics have become less prevalent in recent years. Many are finding out that happy and gentle salespeople have repeat business. If you get a pushy salesperson, ask for a different salesperson or walk away. There are plenty of pleasant salespeople who will be happy to earn your business.

How much do you have to spend on your car purchase? Unless you know how much money you have available, you could end up in over your head. Determine the amount of money you can realistically spend every month on your car payment. Before looking at cars, you may want to shop around for a loan.

Don’t overlook gas mileage. Highly efficient models may be more expensive initially, but they may provide big long-term savings at the gas pump. Keep this in mind before you buy a car if you want to save money for the long term.

Car shopping with a loved one is a great idea. Your friend can advise you if you’re acting irrationally. Don’t only settle for having them there in the showroom. Take them along for the test drive as well.

Shopping for a car at the end of the month is ideal. Salespeople want to meet their monthly goals by making another sale that could put them in their desired count. Go car shopping during the last week of the month, take a couple of days to negotiate and you will get a good deal.

Try the Internet when looking for a used car. You often do not even need to set foot on a dealership’s lot. Instead, look on eBay, Craigslist and your local classified ads. Doing this can get you a cheaper Volkswagen and skip out on having to put up with dealership pressure tactics.

You can benefit from buying a car at month end. Nearly every dealership sets sales quotas that must be met at the end of the month. When you come in later in the month, they want your sale to get them to that quota number. You can get a far lower price as a result.

Read all the paperwork before signing. Prior to putting your signature on a contract, carefully inspect the whole thing from beginning to end. There is no turning back once you sign on the dotted line. Feel free to request to take the contract home with you to look at it more closely before you sign it. If you can’t, ask for a copy you can look over.

Wait until you get an offer you are happy with before you mention your trade-in. You’re probably not going to get a fantastic deal for an old car, but try to be flexible so you can get a great deal on the car you’re interested in. It is time to make things happen.

Do not agree to as-is warranties when it comes to used cars. This could be a bad decision. All reputable dealers offer 1 to 3 month warranties. If you encounter a technical issue as soon as you leave the dealership, you will have to pay for the repairs.

Don’t accept a new car’s sale price based on how much you think your trade-in might be worth. Research its value before shopping. You will be able to know what dollar amount you can possibly get from the deal, and this can help you in figuring out an acceptable price for the new vehicle.

The second you feel like you’re being bullied or intimidated, leave. If they attempt to make you stay, leave. Invent a lie if it helps you. Leave immediately! You have so many more options open to you. You do not have to deal with unsavory salespeople.

Do not allow yourself to be swindled by your car salesman. Make sure that you are in control of the negotiation at all times. Never permit a friendly face to talk you into doing something you shouldn’t.

The end of each month is usually a good time to shop for a car. The sales staff must meet their quotas, and selling just one additional Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA might make the difference for them. Come in a few days before the month ends so you can negotiate over time if you need to.

Although these are tough economic times, you should purchase that new car if you qualify for it via a bank loan. Making an informed, wise choice here will save you hundreds, if not thousands of dollars that you would have spent on higher interest. You’ll pay a ton less than the dealer offers.

Shopping for a new car should not be overwhelming. You can make a wise choice now that you know what to do. Knowing that you got the best possible price for the best possible vehicle makes owning your Volkswagen an enjoyable experience. Time for a test drive!

You have to research before your purchase. Never go to a lot before you do your research. Learn about the cars and the dealers so you are knowledgeable.

Many people are searching for information concerning new Volkswagen in Lynchburg VA, but most don’t find the best information. Thankfully, you came to the right place to help you get started with the learning process. Now is the time to take the knowledge you have gained and apply it to your life!

from https://terryvolkswagenshowroom.com/when-it-comes-to-buying-a-volkswagen-these-tips-are-ideal/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=when-it-comes-to-buying-a-volkswagen-these-tips-are-ideal

from Terry Volkswagen Showroom - Blog https://terryvolkswagenshowroom.weebly.com/blog/when-it-comes-to-buying-a-volkswagen-these-tips-are-ideal

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holytheoristtastemaker · 5 years ago

Link

The first global pandemic of the digital era is upon us. We’re living in unprecedented and uncomfortable times.

For our senior citizens, these past several weeks have been particularly discomforting. According to the CDC, men and women over the age of 65 are significantly more likely to develop complications from COVID-19. As we seek to restrict the spread of coronavirus, it’s critical that we protect one another, especially our elders, and adhere to current directives to practice and enforce social distancing. Isolating ourselves in a bid to stop the spread of disease is incredibly important as we aim to protect seniors, in particular.

As more of us stay home under quarantine (can’t say I would have ever imagined writing those words), it’s only natural that we will become even more reliant on our connection to the digital world.

In one form or another, just about all of us have come to rely on countless digital services. Consider, for instance, the many services that seniors typically rely on. There’s email. There’s medical resources — information as well as online appointments with a doctor. There are shopping websites, particularly for food. Certainly, we are all trying to keep pace with the unceasing wealth of information pouring in day after day surrounding this rapidly evolving global event. So there’s also this basic need for news, which is more heightened than ever. The list goes on and on. From paying our bills to ordering our groceries and staying on top of 24/7 news cycles, unimpeded access to web has never felt so urgent.

But the fact is, for many of the individuals who are most at risk, fully engaging with your website and applications can be difficult or, even, impossible. The prevalence of disabilities and impairments impacting one’s use of a computer or mobile device increases with age, so our seniors are more likely to face obstacles when websites are not coded with website accessibility in mind. This is a demographic that represents 16-percent of the United States population, including seniors.

The needs of our aging population overlap, in many ways, with the needs of our population with disabilities. Seniors often have impairments that make using online and web-based technology difficult. These are just a few of the digital access barriers that are impacting tens of millions of people around the world:

Vision: Contrast sensitivity can be reduced, color perception can be difficult, and focus can be hard, making web pages particularly difficult to read when text is not crisp, clear and large. Someone with cataracts, macular degeneration or any other impairment causing low vision may not be able to fully engage and interact with a website if it isn’t created to support zooming or provide options to enlarge text.

Motor control and dexterity: Using a mouse can be difficult, painful or even simply impossible for some users. Clicking that mouse or pressing that button, especially on small call-to-action buttons, can be similarly challenging. If you have developed severe tremors that have made it impossible to use a mouse to navigate, a website will only be usable if measures have been taken to support visual focus and keyboard navigation.

Cognitive function: The modern web is dynamic, interactive and ever-changing. For example, fast moving carousels that rapidly transition from one block of information to the next can be too overwhelming for those requiring more time to read and process information. Controls are needed to pause highly interactive features and functions.

Hearing: As we get older, our hearing gets weaker. It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that, for seniors, multimedia content such as videos, podcasts, and other formats can present barriers if captioning and transcripts aren’t provided.

In this moment and for all the reasons mentioned above, it has never been more crucial that our websites and online shopping experiences be accessible. Designing for accessibility means making sure that all users, including those who are ageing and those with disabilities, can access your site and move across it with ease. Looking beyond COVID-19, this is an ever-growing demographic. The number of seniors will drastically increase in the coming decades. If your website isn’t accessible, the time to take action is now.

Luckily, if you’re ready to design your website with the accessibility of an ageing population in mind, you’re not on your own. The Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG) take into account this wide overlap between users with disabilities and older adults. This informative guidance lays out a clear checklist that web designers should follow and website administrators should keep in mind to ensure that everyone, regardless of their year of birth, can navigate your website across every tab and every corner.

As we look to accommodate senior citizens and also build a web that is equipped for our future selves, here are some key steps you can take to ensure an optimal and accessible user experience for all your users:

Readability

Use relative font-sizes and ensure text containers resize.

Use legible fonts. When in doubt, use sans serif fonts such as Arial, Open Sans, Helvetica or similar.

Consider color blindness and consistently use a high level of contrast between text foreground colors and background color. Ensure a contrast ratio of at least 4.5:1.

Make sure links are clearly marked. Using color, alone, is insufficient, whereas underlining helps identify links.

Avoid overuse of symbols, acronyms, and iconography. Use text instead.

Function

Create enough space between clickable elements such as buttons and links.

Test your site as a keyboard user; make sure focusable elements receive focus and that focus is clearly identified; provide skip navigation links to enable greater keyboard navigation efficiency.

Make sure link or button purpose is properly conveyed. Users shouldn’t have to guess where they will be taken to next.

Provide controls to pause auto-rotating carousels or animated content. Users may need more time to read, understand, and interact.

Make sure forms are properly labelled; avoid using placeholder text that disappears on focus.

Ensure proper error handling and make sure any alert notifications and modal interfaces are keyboard accessible.

Organization

Make sure navigation is consistent, easy to follow, and predictable across the site.

Take the time to integrate breadcrumbs, so users can better track their location within the context of your navigation hierarchy.

Avoid distracting content, excessive amounts of information and use plain-spoken language.

Multimedia

Older viewers may experience a decline in both auditory and visual perception. Be sure to make your videos accessible with captions.

Provide transcripts for audio-only content.

This challenging time we are all living through is particularly – and unjustly – amplified for our senior citizens and the millions of individuals with disabilities relying on an equal digital playing field. Equal access online still isn’t a guarantee. Together, we can work to eradicate every barrier to digital access.

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nancygduarteus · 6 years ago

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The Latest Diet Trend Is Not Dieting

In 2016, Molly Bahr changed her whole life with a Google search. Bahr, a therapist, was at a professional training on eating disorders when a speaker mentioned in passing that participants might be interested in something called intuitive eating. Bahr looked up the term. “I went home that day, and it was like a light switch,” she says. “I felt like I got hit by a truck.”

Bahr decided she wanted to spread the word about intuitive eating, but there was one problem. Up to that moment, she had been dedicated to traditional ideas of dieting and health, encouraging followers on her growing fitness-focused Instagram account to weigh their food, watch their nutritional macros, and fret over their weight as a primary indicator of their health. Intuitive eating, on the other hand, is a theory that posits the opposite: Calorie-counting, carb-avoiding, and waistline-measuring are not only making people emotionally miserable, but contributing to many of the health problems previously attributed to simple over-eating.

[Read: The dangers of the appearance-driven diet]

Bahr says intuitive eating changed both how she treated her patients and how she looked at herself. She had been constantly weighing and photographing herself, trying to hit goals that she says were disconnected from how she actually felt. “It was really hard for me to realize that I had been so harsh to my own body, even though in my mind, I was doing it for health,” she says. Changing the orientation of her public Instagram account was awkward, but she felt like she needed to be honest with people. “One day I had to come up with a post that was like, ‘Hey, sorry for everything I’ve ever said. It was actually all wrong.’”

Now, Bahr posts messages in a style that has become more common in the past year: plain text on a plain background, with reminders to pay attention to your own physical feelings of hunger or to cast away guilt over eating a favorite food. In doing that, she has become one of a growing number of therapists, dieticians, and nutritionists who have gained a loyal following on Instagram because of intuitive eating. These professionals encourage followers to work on their relationships with food without worrying about their weight, and to reject the notions of virtue and sin that have underpinned cultural ideas about eating since time immemorial.

As these accounts amass tens of thousands of followers and try to beat back some of the most harmful ideas of Instagram’s army of amateur wellness experts, they appear to have tapped into the growing frustrations that many people—and most women—have with dieting. Americans are sick of the shame and fear around food, and of failure in front of the near-insurmountable odds of long-term weight loss. Shouldn’t there be a better way?

Although intuitive eating’s online popularity is expanding, the concept has been around for a couple decades. In 1995, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, a pair of dieticians in Southern California, published their first book on the topic after watching their own clients do what much of the available research says is almost inevitable: Regain weight that had been lost while dieting. Tribole and Resch had been using the same approach that basically all dieticians followed back then, which held that body weight was of primary importance in evaluating and improving dietary health. “We were banging our heads against the wall, because the way we were working wasn’t working,” says Tribole.

Many dieticians still rely on this approach because of obesity’s correlation with conditions like heart disease and diabetes, and the burgeoning popularity of intuitive eating has created something of a split in the field. But Tribole believes deprioritizing weight in favor of other indicators of wellbeing can have a profoundly beneficial effect on people’s health all its own. Often, people who fail to lose weight and those who gain it back are assumed to be lazy or too uneducated to make good choices. Tribole says that couldn’t be further from the truth, in her experience. “Our patients are really smart and successful people, otherwise,” she says. And while the cycle of weight loss and gain is unhealthy on its own, according to Tribole, the emotional stigma attached to it inflicts another round of damage.

Tribole and Resch developed intuitive eating to address both of these problematic layers in dieting. They encourage people to do something that might sound chaotic or dangerous: Eat what you want, with no rules about what to eat, how much of it, or when. Intuitive eating has 10 tenets, but the most well-known one is that no foods are off limits, and there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” food.

That’s in stark opposition to another school of food thought that’s gained popularity on Instagram: clean eating. If you’re going to eat clean, you need to pay careful attention to any food’s place on an continuum of purity, and only eat the things that meet the strictest standards of unprocessed freshness. “Eating today has become this idea that the food on your on your fork can either kill you or cure you,” says Tribole. “It's gotten to a point of almost religious fervor.”

By comparison, intuitive eating sounds like permission to sit on your couch and eat pizza until you pass out. But Tribole and Bahr don’t deny that different foods have different nutritional benefits or aim to tear down public-health initiatives that tell kids to eat vegetables. Instead, they say they want to help people who have struggled with eating understand how food makes their bodies feel when the act is untangled from stress or shame. Both Tribole and Bahr find that in the first week or two, new adherents of intuitive eating do sometimes binge on the things they had always tried to skip. But the two researchers say the vast majority of their clients quickly habituate to burgers or donuts and then crave the variety and nutrition represented by the “healthy” foods they once used as punishment.

The theory is that if you can have pizza whenever you want, it feels less essential to eat it until you’re uncomfortable when the opportunity presents itself, or to seek out the opportunity at all. Telling yourself you can’t have something, meanwhile, gives it undue power and allure. “I didn’t understand that the binges were created from the restriction,” says Bahr. “I thought I was an animal.” In the past, research has indicated that American women internalize the importance of restricting food intake as young as age 5, making it almost impossible to test how people would act toward food if they weren’t shackled by a culture of dieting. Tribole calls the unnatural urge to eat a particular food that arises because of anticipated restriction the Last Supper Effect: “It’s the permission paradox,” she says. “When you have permission to eat, the food still tastes good, but you remove the urgency.”

That feeling of urgency is probably familiar to most people, even if they had always thought of the need to adhere to some kind of food rules as totally normal and healthy. Although the number of people who might seek out the services of a dietician is relatively small, the audience who could benefit from new ways to look at food is much larger: According to a 2008 survey by the University of North Carolina, 75 percent of American women participate in some kind of disordered eating behavior, even if their problems aren’t severe enough to constitute a clinical diagnosis of an eating disorder.

Suggesting that a healthy relationship with food is possible without any rules or restrictions sounds risky to many people, especially when it’s misconstrued as a call to indulge destructive impulses rather than to understand and quiet them. Intuitive eating has a seductive sound of ease and change that is used to market many types of diets. That has likely helped it catch fire on social media, where similar messages of positivity and future happiness are used to hawk all kinds of restrictive-eating practices and appetite suppressants. Unlike how wellness trends usually play out on Instagram, though, the concept’s developers aren’t behind its public push, and they don’t have much to sell you. “I started Instagram like three months ago,” says Tribole. “I had no idea that my people are there. I thought it was a Kardashian thing, so I was really reluctant to even get on.”

[Read: The harder, better, faster, stronger language of dieting]

In that way, intuitive eating is just about as grassroots as a food ideology can get. Tribole and Resch sell their books and do trainings for other health professionals, but otherwise, the method has no marketable products or services. You can read all about it online for free, including all of the important principles that make it possible to practice on your own. There are no meal plans, no nutritional shakes, no branded food-storage systems, no frozen dinners in your grocery store. In the end, the goal is to stop paying the professionals who might have introduced you to the idea. “Once you get it, you get it,” says Bahr. “You don’t have to do therapy and meet with a dietician for the rest of your life.”

That’s not to say that intuitive eating is a guaranteed way to lose weight or fix whatever you think is physically wrong with you. “If any health professional or coach or Instagram influencer says you can lose weight with intuitive eating, run away,” says Tribole. “No one can tell you what’s going to happen to your body, including me.” It all depends where you already are, relative to your body’s natural weight, which may or may not match up with traditional notions of what a “healthy” weight would be for your height.

Preliminary studies have found intuitive eating less effective for very short-term weight loss than traditionally restrictive diets, but research has also found that it can improve body image in young women, and that mindfulness practices like meditation, which (like intuitive eating) are intended to better attune a person with their body, are an effective way to mediate binge- and emotional-eating tendencies.

Like Bahr, a chance encounter with intuitive eating also set Sami Main’s life in a whole new direction, but hers was through the kind of Instagram proliferation that Bahr has helped set in motion. Main, a journalist, came across a list of Instagram dieticians worth following and got curious. “I started following some of those accounts, and they all seemed so positive in such a weird way that wellness Instagram doesn’t always hit,” she says. At the time, Main had been in recovery for an eating disorder for a few years, and the positivity spoke to her. “Losing weight doesn’t necessarily make you healthier, as a wide variety of eating disorders can tell you,” she says.

After learning more about intuitive eating and contrasting the approach with how doctors handled her own eating disorder, Main has decided to go back to school to become a dietician. “Some of the trained medical doctors that I was seeing, including a nutritionist and a gastroenterologist, didn’t catch my eating disorder and weren’t at all prepared to give advice on it,” she says. Dieting and food restriction are such ingrained parts of American culture that even doctors can have a hard time delineating between healthy and harmful practices, which is where intuitive eating’s potential power lies, and why Main felt drawn to change her profession.

James Greenblatt, a psychiatrist who has worked with thousands of patients with eating disorders, encourages a cautious approach to intuitive eating for those struggling acutely with food. “My concern is that too many patients that I’ve seen who had serious eating disorders were being treated with a mindful or intuitive approach, and it wasn’t successful,” he says. There are some people who can’t properly regulate their food intake on a biological level, and for those people, a new mindset just delays effective treatment. “To me, [intuitive eating] is often the second step,” he continues. “The first step is to get the biology under control, and sometimes that’s medicine.”

Despite his reservations, Greenblatt says that most of the principles behind intuitive eating are logical, and they’re important in trying to combat the shame many people have around eating, which, in his experience, is stoked by Instagram in particular. “Social media has really been horrific, especially for our preteen girls, and it’s a roadblock to people seeking help or acknowledging that they might have a problem,” he says.

In that capacity, the proliferation of intuitive-eating accounts and memes can at least provide a counterpoint to the never-ending encouragement to go on a juice cleanse or seek visible abs. Bahr says that she’s also seen intuitive eating help her patients with anxiety and depression by encouraging them to enjoy things and be social. “You realize how small your life has become when you’re dieting,” she says. People on diets often fear or avoid social situations because those frequently involve calories, which can be isolating and push people over the line into eating disorders.

The American culture around food and eating might be reaching an inflection. Many dieticians still preach traditional weight-based models, but research is starting to pile up in ways that indicate those people might be missing the forest for the trees. For example, the up-and-down weight cycling that’s common among dieters might actually be more harmful to a person’s health than never losing the weight to begin with, and the stigma against fat people that dieting encourages might be responsible for some of the health harms previously linked to obesity itself. And although there’s still a professional split, Tribole says that, to date, she has trained professionals in 22 countries.

The lifelong pressure to diet wears people down. It’s unsurprising that some clinicians and dieters eventually look for a new way—though it might be more accurate to call intuitive eating an old way. “We were all born intuitive eaters,” says Bahr. “I love watching my nieces and nephews eat. They always know when they want to stop.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/02/intuitive-eating/583357/?utm_source=feed

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ionecoffman · 6 years ago

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The Latest Diet Trend Is Not Dieting

[Read: The dangers of the appearance-driven diet]

[Read: The harder, better, faster, stronger language of dieting]

Article source here:The Atlantic

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mdenumberone-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Whew.

Hey.

Can I have this water here? Is this anybody’s? I’m claiming that, right there.

[Grabs water]

Alright.

Got some notes here… did I just drop the mic back? Oh, I’m good, okay.

Keep that on me, otherwise you guys can’t hear me.

[Drinks water]

Give me like 25 seconds here.

[Drinks water and coughs]

Give me like 10 more seconds.

Ah, ah man. This thing. Can we turn this up a little bit so I’m not I don’t have to like turn my head into it? Can you like… how about now? Test, test, hey there you go, yeah, I’ll talk to you later, you’re doin’ a good job.

Ah man, okay. Can we reset the clock so I have another minute extra…? Please…?

Thank you.

[Starts standing up]

There we go, okay, hey, I wanted to start sitting down anyway.

[Sits back down]

Um, guys, pat yourselves on the back right now. Okay? Let’s do it. Come on, everybody, I’m not gonna make you, I’m not gonna let you stop until I see everybody doin’ it, let’s pat ourselves on the back. There we go. You two! You’re patting each other, that’s cheating. Ah, you, you couldn’t keep your hands off her, could you? Yeah, hey, I don’t blame ya, “she’s a cutie”.

Hey guys, right there is for saving the worlds, worlds, world, I’m looking at young minds right now, you guys are all intelligent, I know that you did good in school, I didn’t do that. You especially. You’re very smart.

Look at us. We’re the machine that keeps the world going. Okay?

I’d like to start this talk off with a parable. A story if you will. I was at a college, a second tier, not an ivy league school, a second choice school, and I was in a class. And there was a student in that class, okay? And the, the teacher, he was spouting some horrible non-sense, about how, it was something about how women’s rights are not legitimate, something that everybody knew was false, but if anybody had spoken up, he would’ve taken extreme joy in failing them. Okay? Nobody spoke up. One person raised his voice. Once person started talking. The teacher couldn’t believe it, the classroom couldn’t believe it either. But in the end, he had logic on his side. And at the end of the day, he proved his point. That student was Albert Einstein.

And that same sense of [SHHHHHHIIII] (stops himself from laughing)

[SLAPS FACE VIGOROUSLY 5 TIMES]

And that same sense of childlike play and INNOCENCE that we know from Albert Einstein, I can sense it in this room today.

TEDx Drexel university. Dreexel, Drexel university. Next X.

So you gotta be thinking to yourselves right now, “who’s this 22 year old kid up on stage, with a chip on his shoulder, and his heart on his sleeve, and the world in his eyes”?

Well, that’s a tough question, asking somebody to define who they are.

I much prefer to ask: “what inspires that person”?

What inspires you? What inspires you? What inspires you? I want an answer, what inspires you? [Person in crowd responds] You better find something man. [Person in crowd says “The possibilities”] Don’t worry about it. [Clears throughts] “Possibilities…”

Um…

What inspires me is teaching African refugees how to program Javascript. What inspires me is finding out how to use maglev trains to get resources to the moon! These are the challenges of tom-that tomorrow’s gonna face. Okay? How are we gonna get clean drinking water to 2 billion Chinese people? Ya got an answer? Get inspired. I’m gonna be picking on you.

[Points to same person in the crowd from earlier]

The second thing that inspires me are ideas. Ideas are amazing. Ideas are like currency. Ideas are what drives the world. Ideas are what we need to get to the next stage. And not just great inventions like the train, little things like this microphone, that enables me to speak to the unwashed masses. TED talks, TED talks are another GREAT idea. Where would, where would, where would we be right now?

And we have to talk about it, because great ideas don’t come in all shapes and sizes. 9/11, September 11th. And we’re gonna use some reverence here and not be silly about this, but, look at what they accomplished with no weapons and just 11 guys who didn’t even speak English! And that proves that sometimes great ideas are actually horrible ideas.

So, I’m Sam Hyde. I’m an important thinker. I’m a creator, innovator, artist, idea. But above all else, I’m a passionate childlike innovator. I’ve been all around the grlobe. Globe.

[Mumbles “globe” quietly]

I’ve been all around the globe working on cutting edge projects of all kinds, and I’m here to ask you one question, “where are we at”? Where are we? We’ve got all this great technology. We’ve got 7 billion people in the world! And according to U.N. projections, it’s gonna go up to 50 billion people! That’s a lot of mouths to feed. And I don’t think they’re gonna be able to feed themselves, so we better start coming up with some ROBOTS to bridge that GAP.

The west’s sick addiction to fossil fuel. Is going to make this planet uninhabitable for the future generations. Uhh. You’ll know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen the movie “An Inconvenient Truth”. It’s essentially what’s going on is we’re too selfish, and we’re driving our cars too much, and that’s getting nature out of the picture.

Now we looked at the data, we looked at the data, and what we found surprised us. What we found, right there, what we found was that culture is a sewer. We’ve got lewd media. We’ve got nasty bedroom things on TV. And they’re sexualizing young girls, and it’s getting to the point where even I have a problem with it. And that, it shouldn’t be that way.

Folks, we’re all world citizens. Is there another…? There we go. We’re all world citizens, living together, with one social contract, one economic future, we’re all tied together. There’s no more individual anymore, it’s just the hive. So we have to stick together. We have to stick together, and learn how to share. We have to learn how to share.

Now studies show that we work hard. It’s true. Everybody in this room’s a hard worker. You’re a hard worker, you’re a hard worker, you’re a hard worker. I know cuz you’re here, okay? But studies show that we don’t play hard enough. We gotta play harder! It’s, because it’s that sense of childlike playing, ehh, that’s gonna save us in the end, Albert Einstein.

But, hunger, poverty, okay, we’re on this route now.

CAN YOU CONTROL THE SLIDES? GET ON THE RIGHT SLIDE! Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. It’s fine. There we go, trash economy. Go back. GO BACK!

I was in Rwanda. I was lil-I was with a little startup you may have heard of. Tesla. Okay? Elon Musk was there. Team of innovators, artists, creators, ideas, thinkers. We were there. And we were giving iPads to this village of Africans. And it so fffffrrreeeeaaaakkkyyy because uh, there’s something to it, you just “doop doop”, swipe it, and it works. But these guys, we gave, we gave them like 2 hour tutorials and they couldn’t figure out how to use the freakin things. The problem is us. The so-uh, the… people in this room right now, the solution is us, the problem is greedy corporations, uhh, we do things that matter, New York Times… I’ll just skip ahead here….

BY MY CALCULATIONS we have 5 years until the world ends, unless we can start to reverse things like POLLUTION AND WAR. POLLUTION, WAR, THESE ARE BIG PROBLEMS. FIX IT, NOW!!!

Close your eyes. Everybody in this room close your eyes. I’m not gonna do anything weird or sss-uh, ss-uhhh sensual with you. Close your eyes, we’re gonna change some minds right now. Everybody close your eyes okay? Close em. Seam em up good. You! Especially you! I want those eyes closed. Get on it. Make sure your friend has her eyes closed too. Now look, this is a pivotal moment in human history. Right now, in this room, Dreexel university, TEDx, next X, this is the time to be doing this. Take this moment in. Breathe deeply okay. Neurons are firing in your brain right now, you’re more alert, you’re astrally projecting, you’re getting a little bit high on the sound of my voice, I have a nice tamber to it, I know that I’m a good public speaker. You’re drinking bullet proof coffee. And you don’t even realize you’re getting all jagged up in the head listening to my presentation, you’re gonna remember this forever. 2070 future! Now! WHAAAT?! WHUUT?

2070 predictions. The next 50 years are gonna be some serious. Stuff.

Sea floor farming. 75% of the world’s surface not being used by agriculture. On the sea floor, you’re gonna have sea beets, sea yams, sea cabbage, have ya ever had a sea salad? Have ya ever had sea cheesy baked potatoes that BLEW YOUR SOCKS OFF? Cuz you’re gonna be. 2070 coming up.

Trash economy. The abundance of trash. What are we gonna do with it? Are we gonna put it on an island? Are we gonna make it somebody else’s problem? Or are we going to take the initiative, and take this problem by the horns? Trash economy. You use cubes of trash as money. Everybody becomes rich, it’s a gold rush.

Walk with me. Most of the major cities will be replaced with vast pleasure domes, used exclusively by the excelceites, who are the neo-upperclass. While the displaced hoards of lower-class depth-grobblers will live underground in tiered cities, endlessly toiling away for nuggets of neo-plasmin.

Video games are going to get more realistic.

[Sniffles into microphone]

Super fuel-efficient vehicles getting 80, 100 miles per gallon? It’s not that crazy. You think I’m nuts right now for suggesting something high tech like that? [Looks at person in crowd who shakes head] Flip side of that coin, gas, 10 dollars a gallon. [Flips out and air kicks a couple times in anger] You can’t win them all, but we can make do, cuz we’re gonna have solar power also.

Race riots. Extreme racial tension and unrest. Uh… it’s called the knockout game, and eventually white people are gonna get tired of playing it. That’s all I’m saying.

A new… ah skip that one. Um… oh yeah, got two minutes left, okay. Playing games with me, huh? Can we get the original 18 minutes back on here…? You caught me. I’m unprepared.

Now, 2070. Due to the massive birth increase, we’re gonna have a shortage of milk. What this means is, the neo-earth-good-government-league is gonna have to genetically modify all humans, male and female, to lactate once a month. Once every month, you’re gonna be going to a lactation processing center where they’ll hook ya up to all kinds of weird things. Uh, now, due to some fluke, about 3% of the population produces milk, uh, about 500% as much milk. So they’re gonna have to be farmed constantly. And it’s very painful, but they’re gonna be rounded up by FEMA and their milk will serve the greater good.

Guys, what’s the one problem right now that’s not gonna be around in 2070? The elderly and the disabled. Cuz we’re just GONNA KILL EM! WE’RE JUST GONNA KILL EM!

So we looked at the data. Uhh, we got robots policing the streets, 2070, we got gay marriage. Surprise, surprise, bigots! Okay? Sorry, in 2070, gay people are gonna be allowed to get married. Get used to it.

Make me sick sometimes.

Sodastream will do for soda what 3D printing did for assault rifles.

And I think you’re gonna be seeing a whole lot more of these great Apple products. The iMac.

[Breathes heavily]

You’re probably thinking this is some pretty deep stuff, and you’re right.

[Breathes more]

State enforced homosexuality. I don’t have a problem with that, it’s equal.

Facebook as your birth certificate.

Mac iPads built into every school desk of every child.

3D printers are kid’s toys, and the newest 3D printer your kid is gonna be printing up 3D Muslim barbie dolls.

2070, gay men have actually developed reproductive organs inside of their… area… and a new generation of children are born from inside gay men.

Uh, what else we got here…

[Breathes deeply]

Good luck searching for Al-Qaeda on the internet, you’d have better luck going next door and asking them in person.

Uhh, what else we got here… You are not gonna like that one. Nobody’s gonna like that one.

Let’s do this here.

Can we get one final pat on the back everybody? Pat yourselves on the back. Please do it. You are gonna be the future, that’s a good thing. You’re going places kid… You’re going uh… [Whispers “man, we’re so screwed”]

2070, Israel, straight up ripped off the map. [In Jewish accent screams “BYE! BYE BYE!!! BYE!!!”] Not my choice, it’s… probably what’s gonna happen. Okay.

Anybody else got any predictions? What do you think’s gonna happen? [Points to member of the crowd that didn’t know their inspiration earlier]

Now it’s, now it’s time for you, cuz you are the, the you, you plural, is the star, like YouTube here, like the Time magazine cover. You guys are the star, I’m just some crazy guy, I’m not cool. What predictions do you have? 2070. Make a real one, let’s have something real here. [Uninspired man says something in response] You don’t know that. I’m gonna have your mind uploaded to my uh, my uh BlackBerry. You’ll be here. I’m gonna… you’ll be cryogenically frozen, I know it. Anybody have any predictions? What do ya think’s gonna happen in 2070. [Indian man says “I think it’s going to be better than what we have right now”] I… I think there can’t possibly be anything worse than what we have right now. [Indian man says “which implies it’s going to be better”]

[Shakes hands with Indian man]

Thanks for having me here.

[Crowd applauses immensely]

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