#Imagine having one goal and gunning for it for literally hundreds of years

[somegrumpynerd]

It was one of the rare nights that Nightmare decided to actually retire to his room for the night. He didn't need sleep, with enough flow of negativity he could easily survive without it, but sometimes it was nice to just lay down and rest.

He had a dream. They were rare too, if only because he slept so infrequently, but this particular one was common for him when he did. It was about killing Dream. The ongoing war between them was constant on his mind, so it made sense it would invade his unwaking hours as well. In it, he finally managed to crush the life from his twin, in the process gaining unwavering control over the entire multiverse as he watched the other's eyelights dim.

He sat up in his bed.

He was panting. His tendrils, slowly reforming from behind him, were trembling as they hung uncertainly in the air. He realised slowly as he returned to reality that he was gripping the sheets tightly with both hands.

Panic was an emotion Nightmare had rarely been on the other side of for centuries. It took him a few long moments to even identify it from within his own soul, rotten and imprisoned under the corruption. It took him even longer to identify the part of him that he had long assumed dead, which was crying out for nothing more than to cling to his brother for comfort.

For the first time in hundreds of years, Nightmare wasn't sure what he wanted anymore.

[phantasmiafxndom]

I had to google Blood+ real quick so I could participate in this conversation. Sounds like a cool series. How do you imagine it crossing over with KnY?

Well. First thing to note is that I have a... complex relationship with Blood+'s canon. I watched it over five years ago, so my memory is a little sparse. I also like playing with canon with everything I write for. And lastly, there was a fanfic series for it that seriously shaped my ideas of what should and shouldn't be canon.

So a lot of what we'd be looking at with a fic is my own interpretation of Blood+, with a lot of it shaped to suit my particular brand of interests. And by that I mean I want people to suffer.

And now, for the connections! This is long. >.>

Blood+ features a race of vampire-based creatures called Chiropterans. Most of them are turned from humans, but the natural-born ones are known as Queens. These Queens are born two at a time, always a set of twin girls. Queens can create "Chevaliers" by giving their blood to a human on the brink of death.

(Sounds kind of familiar, doesn't it?)

Chevaliers are the second-strongest level of Chiropteran, second only to the Queens. Their relationship to their Queen is described as, "Mother and lover, creator and bride". Chevaliers also have a somewhat inherent attachment to their Queen, where they instinctively crave her love and attention. Chevaliers have a variety of powers, including vastly superior physical abilities when compared to humans, being able to shift into a monstrous and highly powerful Chiropteran form, and certain things unique to each one. They're also borderline immortal, with their one weakness described below.

Queens, meanwhile, are even stronger. There's very little that would stand a chance against a Queen in a contest of direct physical ability. In addition, they're almost fully immortal, with disturbingly rapid healing speeds and very literally nothing that can kill them— save for their sister's blood. For both Queens and Chevaliers, the blood of the opposite sister is the only thing that can destroy them.

Now, for our characters.

The Queen my crossover would focus on is Diva Goldsmith. She's the younger of the two, with Saya Otonashi being her older sister.

To put it simply, Diva is a heinous, cruel spoiled brat who's convinced that the world revolves around her. And she's traumatized! When she and her sister were born over two hundred years ago, their fates were split. While Saya was raised as a human by the man who found the two of them, Diva was treated as an experimental subject and tortured for the first two centuries of her life. She was kept in a tower away from anyone but the researchers, all alone.

Through circumstances which I'll explain later, Diva was freed from the tower and wound up functioning on her own with five Chevaliers— Amshel (who was one of the researchers), Nathan, Solomon, James, and Karl. They serve Diva and attend to her whims, with her main goal being inflicting as much harm on humanity as possible as revenge for her years of torture and pain.

Diva treats her Chevaliers like toys. She feeds off their blood for strength and pleasure, uses them as playthings, and lashes out in cruel, violent ways when she's even slightly disappointed in them... or when she feels like it. Despite all of this, they adore her.

Now, for the plot!

Kimetsu no Yaiba takes place in the Taisho era. As in, it could be shortly before WW1. My concept is that WW1 happens... and the demons suddenly aren't doing so well. Fighting humans with swords is one thing. Tanks, guns, mustard gas, and increasingly developing technology are another matter. As humans catch on to the existence of demons and target them more and more, Muzan and his little group are no longer the most powerful things in the world.

And then comes Amshel Goldsmith. In Blood+ canon, Diva and her Chevaliers were in Russia during the time that would have been the Taisho era in Japan. Amshel, as a scientist and man of discovery, could easily have traveled the world in search of new things to study.

What if he landed in Japan?

What I'm working with is that Amshel, a man every bit as immortal and powerful as a demon, meets Muzan and offers "shelter" from the changing world. He offers to take Muzan and the remaining demons to Russia and makes them "allies" of his Queen. Now, Muzan's pride isn't too eager to agree to this, but the ever-worsening pressure in Japan isn't looking good, and the prospect of an immortal who even the sun can't harm is promising. Especially when Amshel mentions Diva's little nickname— the blue rose queen.

That's a little familiar, isn't it? Something so close to the blue higanbana (especially Diva's full immortality) drives him to follow Amshel to Russia, taking the remaining demons with him.

And then everything goes to utter shit. Diva is delighted to have new playthings, of course. And with no escape from immortals every bit as powerful as they are, the demons have a very bad time. It's a whole lot of angst and Diva terrorizing everyone!

That's what I've got! :D Self-indulgent? Yes. Fun? Super yes.

[diaryofastrugglingequestrian]

Don’t blame the youth, blame the industry.

I frequently hear horse trainers complain about their young assistants. Their criticisms include things like, they don’t work hard enough, they always sick, they’re too slow, they don’t seem keen to do the work, etc. But as a relatively young professional in my early thirties, I can explain why the younger bunch doesn’t last long in this industry. I’m fortunate enough to be in the in-between ages of being a young adult but actually have some miles under my belt when it come to maturity and life lessons.

All of us in the industry are grafting up to 80 hours a week. However the lower down you are on the ranks, the more you get handed the dirty work of schooling youngsters or the rotten apples, teaching the mundane up-downers, driving manure, hay, and what’s left of our dignity for our employers while they sit on their hundred thousand Rand sport horses.

However we take one for the team with the dream that one day that will be us. This industry is not one in which will make you rich, it is one for passion. Especially when you are young, earning enough to buy bread and milk and that’s about it.

Youngsters especially school leavers are welcomed, they are eager, energetic and dumb enough to be exploited as cheap labor, with the notion that sweat equity is what it takes to make it in this industry. This could be further from the truth when it comes to “making it” in the industry. Sure some do workout the way we envision it but mostly, it’s just a case of cheap labor. The youngsters don’t see what they have is enough. Usually these positions include a live in option, where rent, water and electricity is paid for, and if you lucky enough they pay for your horses’ stable too, should you be one of the elite who may own one.

Personally my life took a roundabout way to get back to what I always knew I wanted. I only started working in the Equine industry at the age of 28, and I was lucky enough that I did. Should I have jumped into working in this industry at the age of 18/19 years old, I never would have lasted. As a kid, you want to see big bucks in the bank account, you want your own place and all that come with it. However life experiences have not yet taught you that the big sum in your account will only be swallowed up faster than you can say “ I did it” to rent, water, electricity, petrol, insurance and other bills, leaving you only with the small amount left to buy a beer here and there. Now add extra stress, demands, exhaustion onto this fact and the youngsters drop like flies as they soon figure out that their dreams are a lie.

Personally I’m not sure what the answer is here, maybe it’s to not exploit the youngens so much that their hopes and dreams get crushed and that they run far away and leave this industry in their dust. Maybe it’s not hiring them for big demanding positions until they have accumulated enough life experiences of their own to appreciate their future job, I’m not sure. But we all got to stop blaming them for being useless.

So unfortunately, many young professionals in this industry have been chewed up and spit out by the elders in our sport. The very same trainers who we look up to and respect and dedicate our lives for. Often getting judged and criticized for not doing things the way it was done “back in their day.” Which for some trainers could be further from the truth as they inherited their positions and  never had to work a day in their life, and should you be so lucky to land yourself a job for one of those trainers, well you’re in for a rough ride, excuse the pun. We’ve been drilled to never complain and always be grateful for opportunities—even when they come at the cost of our physical and mental well-being. 

We are brainwashed to believe that we can claim the compensation for our hard work and that should be the satisfaction of getting better. The better you ride, the more you get to do later in your career. I grew up in a middle class family, I was blessed to have my own pony and learnt to ride at an once was great school. Best years of my life I tell you. Absolutely horse obsessed, and I knew from an early age that this is what I wanted to do with my life. I never had the best horses, nor the opportunities to compete on high levels at elite shows, but I entered the equestrian industry with huge enthusiasm and hopes that the yard I’m involved in will take me to the top. Once again another lie.

The truth that I never had the money for a top show horse was apparent. Like most of us, I owned a Thoroughbred. Excited and hopeful that my new boss and trainer will take me and my horse to new heights, I came in guns blazing only to be slowly broken down bit by bit, starting with the fact that “my horse may amount to something after all” in the most sarcastic tune imaginable. On the daily I got reminded that my horse and the rest of the Thoroughbreds I ride are no good school ponies never breaking the heights of 80cm or should dare even do a dressage class. It was apparent, that not owning a Warmblood was career suicide. But let me just speak out for all the young processionals here, most of us can’t even afford a horse, but this doesn’t mean we cannot ride. We are now YOUR brand, working for YOUR legacy; we aspire to reach top goals with your guidance, on your line of progenies. We eagerly wait for the opportunity to school THOSE horses with YOUR guidance to represent YOU when we go out. But alas we were shot down as we are thoroughbred riders, we do not hold the wealth in our blood to earn the ride on a Warmblood, and we are conditioned to believe that every day of our dream job. Mentally breaking down each day at a time. It’s no wonder that hard work is not enough in our young professionals’ eyes.

One of the biggest things that have suffered since I started riding professionally is my confidence. I’m sure many young professionals can relate to the feeling of never being good enough. It’s unbelievable the things that have been said to me by some of the people I’ve worked for.

When I was younger and just starting out, I believed that I deserved the cruelty of that criticism. All I wanted was to get better. If that was the price I had to pay, so be it. 

As I got older, the words hurt me more and more. I’ve realized that no one should be spoken to in that manner. Verbal abuse seems to be commonplace in the horse industry. Sure every industry has there rude remarks but why is it so easily accepted and considered “normal” in the horse community?

I have worked to my breaking point; literally, I’ve made innumerable sacrifices for my health and family time, and dedicated my entire life to this career. It is nothing else but a lifestyle. Constructive criticism in the saddle to improve our riding and training is one thing, but being scrutinized and yelled at constantly in and out of the saddle becomes unbearable. It’s difficult to ride with confidence and have self-respect when suffering this type of treatment. People wonder why assistant trainers bounce from job to job, eventually leaving the horse industry altogether. I too was left running and I got at least 12 years on the younger guys. The vast majority do it for their own well-being!  

Not only can trainers be cruel with their words, but many simply have no respect for their hired young professionals.

Many trainers say that true horsemen are going extinct, and that the old thoroughbreds are not what they once were, but you’re not giving US (the Thoroughbred and youngsters) the chance, and letting people who can buy their way to the top of  the sport be the only ones to watch. Unfortunately it took me, my first job as a professional rider that I realized I was the underdog. I’m not rich, and I will always be trying to catch up to those riders no matter how many hours I work or how hard I try.  

While I do have a love for hard physical work and tremendous determination, I don’t have the resources or the backers they have. The fact is it takes money to be successful in this industry. So consider yourself lucky if you happen to have money and talent, then you’re practically guaranteed success. But for the rest of us, If you have exceptional talent but no money, then you are screwed… just kidding, hang in there we may still get our chance.

[a-duck-with-a-book]

REVIEW // Seven Blades in Black (The Grave of Empires #1) by Sam Sykes

★☆☆☆☆

Disclaimer: while I was reading this book, I found out that Sam Sykes has been accused by numerous women of sexual harassment. You can find more information about it below: - a post listing several accusations of misconduct - twitter post responding to the situation - one of the accusations against Sam Sykes - his quickly-deleted apology Suffice to say, I have no intention of continuing this series or reading any more of his books.

I have a lot to say about this novel, so I’ll begin by making a quick bullet point list outlining what I liked and disliked:

Liked:

Cavric <3

Lisette deserved better

Some interesting concepts in the world building

Disliked:

Sal as a narrator

Sal as an antihero

Sal as a person in general

Writing style

Constant interruptions

Meandering narrative

The “narrator knows something but the writer avoids revealing it until the end for the drama” trope

This is a Big Tough World and Nobody Gets To Be Happy

Lesbians written by a man who harasses women

Unnecessarily long

// image: official cover art Jeremy Wilson //

Let’s begin with the full review by starting with the (few) positives, shall we?

First and foremost, I genuinely enjoyed Cavric and Lisette. It is unfortunate that they had to deal with Sal for the entirety of the novel, but we’ll get to her later. If this book had been a buddy adventure with these two, in which Cavric slowly shows Lisette that she is in a toxic relationships and deserves to move on and find someone better for herself, I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more. Secondly (and finally), Sykes introduced some genuinely interesting world building. The background of the Empire and the Scar was fascinating to read, but unfortunately did not save the rest of this mess.

Alright now let’s rant.

I have 35 notes and 52 highlights from this book, so this might get block quote heavy. (Go check out my notes if you want to see me slowly lose my sanity)

Sal is awful. I know she’s meant to be awful, but she’s not flawed in the way that I think Sykes was trying to write her. I believe she was intended to be a scruffy, lovable antihero who fought her way through a dangerous landscape with her sharp blade and even sharper tongue. A girl who had wrongs committed against her in the past, who did terrible things but is now on the road to an epic redemption arc. She shoots bad guys, she says f*ck and a*s a lot, and she is morally complex. That’s the character that Sykes was trying to make. The one he created, however, is a genuinely terrible person who I had no desire to see come out on top. I have a myriad of issues with her, but let’s outline a couple below: (1) She is incredibly toxic for Lisette. Am I getting a bit too heated about a fictional relationship? Sure. Was I happy to read a toxic lesbian romance written by a man who sexually harasses women? Nope. It kind of grossed me out, actually. Anyway, let me give you a run down of their relationship. Sal arrives. Sal and Lisette sleep together. Sal asks Lisette to give her weapons and or fix things for her. Sal sneaks away, telling herself no good will come of this relationship and they will only cause each other pain. Sal needs something. Sal comes back. Repeat over and over. She constantly says, throughout the book, that it would be better if they just left each other, but then again Sal is the one who goes back to Lisette over and over, causing her renewed heartbreak. I don’t know if Sykes thought that simply making Sal aware of how terrible this behavior was was enough, but it just made me incredibly frustrated. At one point Sal says:

”Intellect like hers is a curse. The more you understand of the world, the less of it you trust.”

Yes, Sal, that’s what’s giving her trust issues. Her intelligence. Nice. By the end of the book, it seems that they are on the mend-I’m getting end-game vibes from these two. But honestly, I spent the entire time thinking that Lisette deserved so much better than Sal. Like literally a chicken would have provided healthier companionship. I’ll end with this quote, in which Lisette outlines perfectly why Sal does not deserve her:

“What am I doing wrong that you’d choose this over me?”

(2) Sal is annoying. Really, really annoying. I kid you not, half of this book is made up of Sal’s snarky comments. She is badass. She has a gun. She is an outlaw. And she will never, EVER shut up about it. Imagine a quirky line after an otherwise dark or action-packed sequence. Funny, right? Might break the tension, make the narrator more endearing, etc. Now imagine one such line after every. Single. Paragraph. Picture a violent battle scene where the protagonist is fighting for their lives against a ruthless opponent. Now insert a snarky comment after every other paragraph and watch the entire flow of the scene fall apart with constant interruptions. That’s what this book is-which brings me to my next point.

The writing isn’t great. There are constant interruptions, meandering narratives, and the trope that haunts me in nearly every dark fantasy novel I read-This is a Big Tough World and Nobody Gets To Be Happy-is shoved repeatedly in your face. Let’s start with the interruptions, returning to my previous point (ie. Sal never shuts up), by looking at this sequence:

I  followed the shrieking wind. I had come here prepared for something bad. But I wasn’t prepared for just how bad it was. I rounded the corner of the hall, came out atop a battlement. The wind struck me with a screaming gale, forcing me to shield my face and cling to the stone for purchase. My eyes squinted against the harshness of the light, the kind of offensive pale you only see in your nightmares. And through them, I could see the bowed shapes of towers sagging, the flayed flesh of banners whipping in a wind that wouldn’t cease, the shadows of figures frozen in a death that had brought no peace. And I knew where I was. There was nothing that had ever made Fort Dogsjaw special. It had never been crucial for defense, never a hub for trade, it hadn’t even been named for anything special—the commander just liked the sound of it. It lived its whole life a regular, boring Imperial fort on the edge of the Husks. It only got important at the time of its death. Over three hundred mages and a few thousand regulars had assembled here in one day—some to receive assignments, some to man the garrison, some to head back to Cathama on leave. They had been laughing, cursing, drinking when the news came that the new Emperor of Cathama was a nul, born with no magic. And then there had been a moment of silence.

I’ve bolded for emphasis, but do you see what I’m talking about? The paragraph-line-paragraph-line format is so annoying to read, I had to put the book down at certain points because of how frustrated I got. It interrupted the forward movement of the story, making the novel drag on and on.

You know what else makes this feel like the nightmare version of the Never-ending Story? The page count. I don’t mind long books-The Priory of the Orange Tree is one of my favorite reads so far this year, and it’s longer than this one-but they have to have a reason for being so hefty. As I mentioned earlier, a considerable chunk of Seven Blades of Black is Sal making her awful, awful, AWFUL asides. I literally cannot express how much I despise those comments. Okay, let’s move on before I get hung up on THOSE STUPID COM-*cough*

This novel is marred by unnecessary lines and a meandering plot that drag out the story. One instance is the amount of times that Sal is a second away from killing someone and, for some reason (usually not a good one), fails in her goal. She places a gun at someone’s head and goes through a whole monologue in her head until the person miraculously escapes. This type of subversion of expectations is fine every once in a while, but if you are going to build up to a crucial moment and then take away the satisfaction of the defeat of some villain (or mini-boss, as many of the antagonists in this book feel like), then you need to have a good reason for doing it upwards of twenty times in ONE BOOK. Secondly, if you spend almost the entire novel setting up more and more villains and stressing how hard they are to kill and how dangerous their powers are (and presenting them separately and isolated), then when you have them all in one place at the end, at which point the protagonists starts going through them like a plate of french fries at a seagull convention, then you’re kind of taking away the satisfaction of the death. Somehow, this book manages to do both. We are constantly teased with almost-kills, then at the end Sal just blows through everyone in five seconds, easy-peasy.

I’m almost done, I swear-just two more gripes.

So much of the tension of this book rests on the fact that Sal, our narrator and our main viewpoint into the story, knows something that we don’t. I’ll be upfront with you-I hate this trope. If our POV character, the one whose mind we are in constantly, is entirely aware of something that happened before the beginning of the novel, and the author keeps from revealing that something for the entirety of the story solely to add drama, then I will not be a happy reader. Where is the logic. We are in this person’s mind. Just show us already and add tension ELSEWHERE.

And FINALLY (as painful as it was for you to read this, it was worse for me to write it), another issue I have with a lot of dark fantasy (see my review of Nevernight) is that the author really, really wants us to know that this is an incredibly dangerous and dark world by filling it to the brim with edge lord narrators, Big Guns, and, usually, women being harrased-because why not force all your female readers to constantly have to read about women getting assaulted? Apart from Sal’s 300,000 comments explaining to us that she is an asshole, that the Scar is Dangerous, and that she has Killed A Lot of People, we as readers must sit through hundreds of lines of dialogue and exposition that beat us over the head with the fact that this is DARK fantasy. This isn’t your nice little fairy adventure-no sir. Here we have Swear Words and Violence and Men writing Queer Women. To emphasize just how blatant Sykes is with the dark part of dark fantasy, let me tell you about an exchange Sal has with three old ladies who run a criminal empire. In the 2-3 pages that these women appear in, we are told, in some form or other, that they are grandmas who kill people, a grand total of, I kid you not, ELEVEN TIMES. Here are some excerpts from that whole situation:

”“Now, now.” Yoc, old and white haired and sweet as a grandmother—if that grandmother also had people killed on the regular—smiled at me. “I’m sure she has a good reason for being here.” She raised the hand that had signed the contracts that had killed a thousand men and women and took up her whiskey glass. “After all, I’m sure she knows how much we don’t like having our game interrupted.”” *I counted this as one since it’s in the same exchange but technically he mentions it TWICE

”…one didn’t waste the Three’s time if one didn’t want to end up with their teeth pried out.”

”How often do you meet the three old ladies who have people killed for money?”

”I said we should kill her on principle.”

”“But you know how many orphans I’ve made, don’t you, dear?””

”“He’s not so unlike us, is he? A murderer, yes. A monster to some. But, at his heart, a businessman.”

”Theirs were the hands that signed a thousand death contracts a year.”

”When they could be bothered to look up from their game, they decided who lived and died with a stroke of their pen.”

”At a word, they could have me stripped, tied, tortured, and cut up…”

”the Three don’t lie. Their assassins do. Their thieves do. But they don’t.”

”I had already wasted their time and I knew the Three were being generous just letting me fuck off instead of having me killed for the effort.”

TL;DR - Sal is annoying, Sykes is a bad writer, and Someone should have stopped me from reading this book

[kittenfemme27]

Magrunner: Dark Pulse

"That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die." 

That’s the often misquoted line written by H.P. Lovecraft and spoken by his fictional “mad poet” Abdul Ahazred in “The Call of Cthulhu”, a short story written by the very same author. It’s meant to symbolize the same thing that almost all of Lovecraft’s work was meant to symbolize: That there are things that view us the same way we’d view a simple speck of dust, or an ant. As so tiny and insignificant that we’re practically unnoticed in the eyes of this massive and overwhelming force. Lovecraft had an intense fear and at the same time an intense fascination with the idea of being insignificant, of being forgotten and unworthy, of being completely and utterly impotent in the face of power that was greater than himself. Every “Old God” that he wrote about is so far reaching above humanity and so incomprehensible that even the act of knowing of their existence was incomprehensible for the human mind, and would oft drive those with that forbidden knowledge to complete and utter insanity. This isn’t really a disputed interpretation of Lovecraft's work, it's barely an interpretation at all. It’s considered a simple set of facts of the universe that he created.

So imagine my surprise when I started playing “Magrunner: Dark Pulse”, a fairly mundane and simple futuristic sci-fi puzzle game marketed to have a “Lovecraftian Twist” and the final nine levels have good ol’ Cthulhu himself checking in on me from the skies above, literally one hundred thousand times my size, and simply observing me like I’m his personal favourite little human. As he communicates with me and makes it clear that I am in-fact, his personal favourite little human and he just can’t wait for me to ascend to his level. As far as a piece of lovecraftian work goes, this game was a doozy. But we’ll get back to that. Before we even get there, I’d first like to talk about the game itself.

Gameplay:

Magrunner is a first person physics based puzzle game featuring magnetism as its element in which you interact with the puzzles in each room. Your goal in each puzzle room is to use various platforms, blocks, and other bits of very clearly marked tech in each room that may be magnetized with either a positive polarity or a negative polarity, and combine that with the physics of the Unreal 3 engine to solve challenges and make it to the next room. To be blunt, the game is squarely a Portal rip-off from its design ideals. Your makeshift magnet glove-gun hybrid can fire 2 colors, one being a negative polarity and one being a positive. Like-colors are attracted to themselves, whereas opposite colors reflect each other. The idea of using magnets in a physics based first person puzzler isn’t an awful one, and neither is the fact it clearly wants to ape Portal’s ideas. Where it fails, unfortunately, is execution. The physics aren’t up to snuff with what you do most of the time and it leads a lot of the puzzles to be confusing or simply frustrating, as even when you know what you’re doing you still have to rely on the physics system of the engine to cooperate with you. Early on, you are tasked with getting 4 small magnetizable cubes together to form into a large one. What this actually has you end up doing is fighting with the cubes and the level as they fling themselves wildly off of each other and into unreachable parts of the level itself. The entire game functions this way and it really removes any sense of challenge or control you have over each puzzle, often feeling like you lucked your way into a solution rather than figured out the puzzle yourself in any meaningful way.

Buggy physics in the Unreal engine are not the developers fault entirely though, the game is an indie project that was kickstarted and for that alone i’m willing to give them a pass on engine problems that they likely did not have the programmers to fix. But, unfortunately, I can’t give a pass on the game failing to iteratively teach you how the mechanics work level by level. Whenever you magnetize an object, it creates a field, and you can see this field thankfully by pressing a key. Anything in that field will automatically interact with anything else that is magnetized in it. In general, these fields are wildly inconsistent in how they operate. Usually, they’re spheres centered around the magnetized object and cause objects within the sphere to either attract or repel. On occasion though you’ll find pads that create a cone of magnetism going the direction that it faces, up to what is an arbitrary height. Later on, you’re given the ability to place your own fields on any flat surface, allowing the levels to become more bare-bones as you have to create the magnetism points yourself. All of this combined means that  If you learn that something works in a previous level, there is no guarantee that it will work in the next level the exact same way. Experimentation in this game is often fraught with a frustrating sigh of not knowing if the game intended for something to work that way, or if you just broke the physics again. Don’t even get me started on the fact there are multiple combat sections inside a puzzle game, ugh.

Art & Sound:

Magrunners similarities to Portal do not end with the gameplay and design, however. Aesthetically, the first and second half of the three act game are ripped directly from Portal and Portal 2. The first half of the game features sleek interiors inside of a testing facility for yourself and other “Magrunners” where everything is cleanly lit, sparse on color and detail, as space-age and sci-fi as you could imagine. These first set of aperture inspired levels lack any sort of hard edge or detail, with every single element in the room being curved and well lit and as minimalist as possible. The second half of the game takes places in facilities “underneath” the one you were in prior and are dilapidated grey and brown ruins of previous testing facilities, complete with all the same tools and magnetizable pads and tech that you had seen previously but this time a much older and “70’s” style of sci-fi aesthetic, but covered in grime and dirt and dust from the years of abandonment and rot. I cannot understate how unsubtle this is. The first third of the game is Aperture Science bonafide and part right after is Old Aperture from Portal 2. Magrunner’s aesthetic inspirations are worn very clearly on their sleeve, and it makes the game feel very boring and bland by comparison. It’s impossible to play Magrunner: Dark Pulse and not feel as though it was simply a junior developer exclaiming: “What if Portal/Portal 2, but Magnets?!” while the rest of the developers collectively lose their minds from excitement.

The music of the game was provided, as far as i can tell by the credits, by Incomptech AKA Kevin Macleod. A musician known for releasing thousands of free songs for use in any creative project. This isn’t, by default, a bad thing. Most of the music was not things I had heard from his library before and thus I didn’t immediately twig that it was his library, but unfortunately the music selection isn’t enough. As in, there are not enough tracks to fit the game. There are 39 levels in total and each level features a music track, but often and especially in the later parts, the music tracks are entirely re-used. This is most apparent when one of the tracks is a rising piercing noise, like the type you’d hear in a horror movie right before the slasher stabs into someone, but it never ends or pays off. It just loops upon itself and becomes this droning nightmare of a track for however long the physics force you to stay in a level. I counted 6 times this happened and each time it was so loud and obnoxious and frustrating that I had to simply turn off the game audio to be able to bare the level at all. 

None of the other sound effects are worth writing home about, either, unfortunately. In something like Portal, there are pretty iconic sounds within its soundscape. The sound of the portal gun firing and portals being created, the soft and child-like speech of the turrets, the chiding and derogatory AI voice of GLaDOS, yet Dark Pulse lacks anything even half as memorable. Aside from the repetitive music, you are only given small bits of dialogue between each level and that’s really it. There’s a lot of character they could have created here, for example: When you gain the ability to create your own magnetic fields at will, the center of them is a dog-robot that your player character created in his spare time as a child. Creating one of these points could’ve been met with an adorable puppy squeak or bark, anything like that. Your character or the various ones that speak to you could’ve chimed in at any point in levels outside of the beginning or end of them, and yet they do not. It’s a big missed opportunity.

Story:

Speaking of characters, whew boy, are there a lot of them

Magrunner takes place in the distant future where a corporation that is effectively Facebook has taken over the planet by connecting every single person to its service essentially from birth and making it as essential to daily life as possible. Because of this, this corporation has become the de-facto richest company in the world. Its founder, Xander Gruckzeber, whose last name is literally an anagram of Zuckerberg, has started a contest in which 7 contestants can compete to become “Magrunners” and take a trip to outer space in a ship that is being powered on experimental magnetic based technology. The contest involves each contestant going through a series of puzzles that prove their aptitude with the magnetic tech that Xander’s company has developed. 

Your character, an orphan named Dax C. Ward, is the only one of the 7 contestants that does not have a corporate sponsor. Instead, he’s a boy genius who built his own robotic puppy at age 10 and at age 21 built his own magnetic glove that interacts with the magnetic technology and allows him to compete. Ever the underdog, you’re helped along by your adoptive uncle Gamaji who himself is a six-armed mutant and an outcast among humanity for it.

Sound a little on the nose? Like it may be lacking subtlety in any form? Yeah, the entire game is like that. From Xander’s last name anagram to the fact that your own character’s name is itself a reference to “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward” which was a short horror novel written by Lovecraft, the game never really had a chance at subtlety in the first place. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, mind you, but in between the re-hashed artstyle and the immediate and obvious references, and the fact that It tries to throw a very by the numbers cyber punk aesthetic ripped straight out of Blade Runner at you in an opening cutscene that it immediately abandons afterwards. It all just feels tired from the moment you hit New Game and incredibly confused about its own direction. It can’t decide if it’s a Lovecraftian setting, a Sci-fi setting, if it’s trying to say something about Facebook or if it's just going to be Portal: The Magnetic Spin-off.

As the game progresses and Act 1 ends, you find the corpse of another Magrunner being eaten by an anthropomorphic fish person. You are then told by Gamaji that he’s going to help you escape the facility, but this will require you to go through the older parts of the facility as he slowly hacks into the mainframe and tries to get you out via service elevators. Inside these older puzzle rooms are repeated writings on the wall, ravings of someone gone mad with the knowledge of the Old Ones, and giant sculptures depicting various Cthulhu-esque monsters. This would be bad and scary enough on its own, but Gamaji is quick to let you know that portals to some unknown dimension and fish monsters are being spotted in cities all over the world causing havoc and terror. 

About halfway through Act 2, Gamaji drops the bombshell on Dax that his parents didn’t actually die in a car crash like he’s told him all his life, but that they were Old God worshipping cultists and that Dax’s birth in and of itself may somehow be related to that cult and its actions. This tracks, then, because Dax continually receives strange visions in the form of uncovered memories of “The Seven” attempting some ritual to seal off some force from beyond. Act 2 ends with the revelation that Xanders assistant, Kram, is actually behind all the ritual sacrifice and is attempting to summon Cthulhu himself to our world from the Great Beyond. So far, Act 1 and 2 have been rather cliche but haven’t been anything i’d call unremarkable or strange in a Lovecraftian inspired story.

And then Act 3 happens.

Act 3 sees you flung into the far reaches of Actually Literally Space, with various bits of the test chambers around that you must use to get to portals that are marked by a cute little icon of Cthulhu himself that transport you further into space and to the next level. You can quite literally see our pale blue dot to your side if you look, including a gigantic eldritch device that seems to be either siphoning souls to it, or depositing monsters onto the planet. The fact you can breathe in space is just handwaved as “Something Kram must be doing.” and is never brought up again. What really struck me more than anything in these levels, though, is that Cthulhu himself literally appears before you every 2 minutes in each level and simply watches you while repeating “Cthulhu... Fhtagn... R'lyeh...” over and over and over. This was the moment the game honestly lost any credibility from me. Simply seeing a statue in Act 2 caused Dax to go into a screaming panic as he was able to perceive how a human may be turned into a fish person. But seeing the literal Old God himself doesn’t bother him? And why is Cthulhu so interested in you in the first place? Unfortunately, we get an answer to both of those questions and it might be the most insane thing i’ve ever seen in a piece of Lovecraft inspired media.

Dax, somehow through the work of the cult that his parents were part of, is the chosen one. Cthulhu not only cares about him and wants to see him succeed, but even helps him to literally ascend and become an Old God himself. But not, of course, before letting Dax have a heart to heart with Gamaji wherein he tells him that he has seen through Cthulhu’s eyes himself and must now ascend, as he has no other option. Because Cthulhu is a big softie on adoptive relationships, I guess. The game’s final level has you face off against Kram in a boss battle where you fling explosive cubes at each other and attempt to destroy the esoteric relay connected to Earth. During their fight, Dax taunts Kram who tells him that what he is doing is the will of his Master, Cthulhu, and Dax knowingly retorts that what Kram is doing is “Not what He wants.” As if he has a direct line into the Old Gods mind itself. 

I cannot overstate how much of an absolute failure of the mythos itself that this entire story arc is. The Lovecraft mythos was not, and never has been, made for “Chosen One” stories. If you survive an encounter in the first place, you’re often left with horrible scars that never truly leave you because Cthulhu and the Old Gods are in some ways meant to be representative of trauma and a fear of your own trauma. Making Dax suddenly an Old One and a special Chosen One is a complete and utter failure on a scale I've never, ever seen before. It’s been days and I'm honestly still reeling from the fact that was a design decision someone agreed on.

Conclusion:

Magrunner: Dark Pulse is a confusing and often frustrating game with a story that utterly fails its mythos and setting in just about every way possible. But I don’t want to pretend that I didn’t have any fun playing it. I did, and it’s not the worst game I've ever played. It’s not even so much a “so bad it’s good” game, but it’s more of an indie game that clearly tried its hardest and for that I can’t fault it. It’s developers clearly love the Cthulhu and Lovecraftian mythos and really, really, really loved the Portal series and wanted to combine those things into their own spin on it and in that respect, it’s competent enough that I could recommend it to someone who really enjoys those sort of puzzle platformer based games. But... man. That ending. Yikes. 

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

KFAM - Episode 1 - May 1, 2015

View in Google Docs

[podcast intro music]

[Soft jazz music]

Chet Sebastian [Mellow] So then Charlie Parker pulled his gun, but, hey, that’s jazz, right? This has been Chet Sebastian’s Jazz corner. Thanks for listening, and stay cool, cats.

[Rock intro music]

Sammy Good evening, I’m Sammy Stevens and you’re listening to King Falls AM. That’s 660 on the radio dial. This is my first show. Hell, its my first day in King Falls! so let’s talk about it, shall we?

[CENSOR BEEP]

Sammy And I think we just set our first record on the show, ladies and gents. Getting bleeped in the first thirty seconds.

Ben Language. We’re family friendly.

Sammy It’s 2 AM, Ben. *small laugh* I mean, I think we can probably give hell a pass.

[BEEP]

Sammy Okay, new rule: if it’s part of Carlin Seven[1] or derivatives of: bleep away. Other than that, let’s cool the censor jets, Ben. Uh, for all you listening out there, I’d love to introduce you to our producer, Benjamin Arnold.

Ben That’s okay.

Sammy We’re live, Benny.

Ben It’s Ben. And I-I just- I don’t wanna, ruin the, journalistic integrity o—

Sammy Of this show? We’re an AM late night talk show.

Ben As I was saying: I don’t want to ruin the journalistic integrity of myself, Sammy.

Sammy Oh, it’s besmirched. It's solidly besmirched. So, why don't you just, uh, make use of that mic, and pull it up, and have at it?

Ben *sighs* [bleep]

Sammy *laughs* Alright, you’re here with Sammy and Ben. Not Benjamin, not Benny, but Ben. Uh, he’s my producer, our journalist-with-integrity, and uh, professional censorist.

Ben *laughs* Oh, man.

Sammy As I was saying kids, it’s my first day on the job here, my first day in town, and I’d love to open up the phone lines to you, our lovely King Falls listeners, and talk about this beautiful little place.

Ben [proudly] It is nice, isn’t it?

Sammy h- Nice doesn’t even begin to describe it. I mean, the little shops, the scenery. It's literally a mountain Mayberry.[2]

Ben Oh, you have no idea! We’ve been voted best small town in America six years straight by the King Falls Chamber of Commerce.

Sammy … The town voted the town, Best Small- Town in America?

Ben Oh yeah! There was a ribbon presentation, a parade down Main Street. Six years running.

Sammy I’m not sure that’s the way it works, Ben.

Ben Couldn’t imagine being anywhere else in the world.

Sammy Alright, now, wait a second. You were talking to me right before the show started, and it’s your dream job to be one of the great journalists of all time. “Cronkite. Brokaw. Ben Arnold.”

Ben That’s the dream! That-that’s the goal.

Sammy But you can’t imagine being anywhere else.

Ben [awkwardly] Well! Let’s be fair. There’s-There’s the King Falls Gazette, there’s- King Falls AM, of course. Even those clowns over at Channel 13. If you knew King Falls, you’d know that everything you ever need to talk about, is right here.

Sammy Huh. Well, you know, maybe you’ve got a point. I mean, worst case scenario, you’re gonna have a great perspective on the ribbon cutting ceremonies.

Ben [excitedly] Actually, I’ve had a great perspective for the past three years! And last year? I got a seat next to Mayor Grisham. *pleased huff* I could see that velvety blue ribbon being cut.

Sammy Alright, alright. Riveting stuff, Ben. But you know what, before we open up the phone lines tonight, to uh, talk to you folks for the first time, I’d like to take one hot minute and just send a special shout out to a new friend of the show, Deputy Troy, uh, Craiger, Kroger?

Ben [disdainfully] Kreighauser.

Sammy That’s the one! Now, Deputy Troy could’ve dropped an elbow on me with the long arm of the law when he pulled me over this evening.

Ben He pulled you over?! *chuckles* Wow. I thought his car was just decoration. What the heck did you do that he pulled you over?

Sammy Yeah, okay. It was the weirdest thing. So, I’m running late, and I can’t miss the first show, right? So I’m gunning it. Over the mountain, through the woods, no time for grandma, and uh, you know, maybe I’m just not used to the winding roads up here, but I get-I get a little lost and my phone zoinks out and I got no GPS, I got no Apple Maps (not that anybody’s using it) and—

Ben Don’t tell me- Sweetzer Forest?

Sammy That is exactly where! How-How did you know that?

Ben Oh, it gets everybody! The listeners know that. Legend has it, there’s an apparition of an old general that changes the directions on the signs so he doesn’t lead his troops into one of the bloodiest massacres in King Falls history.

Sammy Cool story, bro, but, there wasn’t a sign.

Ben That’s a new one! Thinking on his toes. I like it!

Sammy The ghost?

Ben Whoa! They prefer apparition. Like, when you call a dwarf a midget, and it’s not cool?

Sammy Okay. So you’re telling me that instead of just getting lost up in the hills, a ghost—

Ben Apparition.

Sammy *chuckles* An apparition, was screwing with me?

Ben That's one hundred percent what I’m saying. It gets everybody.

Sammy … Right.

Ben You don’t believe me? They don't have apparitions in the Big City, Sammy?

Sammy Not that I’m aware of, no.

Ben *scoffs* Let’s go to the phones. King Falls, our new pal, Sammy, doesn’t believe in the Sweetzer Forest apparition. 424-279-3858.

Sammy Okay now. I’m not saying I—

Ben [cutting him off] Phone lines are already blowing up! Uh, let’s see, I don't know, oh-uh, line six! Deputy Troy.

Sammy Deputy Troooy!

Deputy Troy [laughing] Y'all should’ve seen it. General Abilene got him good.

Sammy General Abilene? He has a name now?

Ben You never read about Abilene’s last stand? What are they teaching you Big City kids? [making a point] Well, why’d you pull him over, Troy?

Sammy Okay, obviously , I was going a little too fast for my own good—

Deputy Troy I sure didn’t see no speedin’, Benny.

Ben [flatly] It’s Ben.

Deputy Troy Sammy looked like a dog chasin’ its tail for for damn near twenty minutes! Guy was just goin’ in circles. Looked like he was lappin’ the field in the King Falls 500!

Ben Sound familiar, Sammy?

Sammy Circles? No. I mean, I took a left here, and a right there. It couldn’t have been more than a minute or two before Deputy Troy threw up the ol’ red and blues.

Deputy Troy Try twenty minutes. If I hadn’t’a intervened, it’s a fact we’d all be listening to ol’ Chet blow that horn for another couple hours. You gotta watch out for the general! He’s sneakier than a honey badger in a bee hive!

Ben See?

Deputy Troy Ah hell, [low siren in bg] I think I just saw one of the William’s boys just ding-dong-ditch ol’ Ms. Baker. [faint tire squeal] I gotta go boys. [quietly in bg] Ah, son of a b[bleep]! That little mother[bleep]!

Sammy Well, on that note boys and girls, [click] we’re gonna pay some bills and keep the lights on in our little cabin we call a radio station. Ben and I will be right back after a message from our sponsors.

[Car horn, tire squeal, sound of car crashing]

Announcer voice Uh-oh! Have you recently been in an automobile accident!? Are you tender over a fender-bender?

High-pitched voice Owwwiee!

Announcer Don’t let the insurance company fool you into just unscuffin’ and buffin’! Let Rosenburg, Rothchild and Dirk get you the settlement that you deserve!

Caveman voice DIRK GET YOU MONEY

Woman [singing jauntily] ♫Iiif you got your car smashed by some jerk, call Rosenburg Rothchild aaand-♫

Caveman DERRRRRK!

[KFAM music]

Sammy Thank you folks out there for listening to AM 660, home of the King Falls AM. So, you’ve heard our story, now let’s hear yours. Give us a call here at the station. Today’s topic: King Falls. What do you love? What should I know as a new resident? Give me your on-air Yelp reviews. 424-279-3858, or tweet us @kingfallsam.

Ben Line 3.

Sammy You’re on King Falls AM.

Line 3 [Low, gravelly] The producer was right.

Sammy Um, I’m sorry?

Line 3 You shouldn’t make light of the spirits.

Sammy [incredulous] The spirits?

Line 3 Down Sweetzer forest, you jest about the spirits, but you’ll come to regret it. That’s a fact, Big City.

[click, dial tone]

Sammy Oookay, uh, so. *mildly disturbed chuckle* We’re taking your calls, kids. Tell us what you love about the Falls, your likes, your favorite things to do and see—

Ben Orrr, maybe your favorite run in with General Abilene!

Sammy Uh-huh.

Ben We’ve got Finn on Line 7.

Sammy Finn?

Finn [perpetually excited] Oh, yeah! It’s Finn! Thanks for takin’ my call! How ya doing tonight, Sammy!?

Sammy *chuckles* Well, we’re doing alright, thanks for—

Finn See, I’m an over-the-road driver. I drive the big semi-trucks- loggin’ mostly, ya know?! And I have to tell you guys, I absolutely love it every time I drive through King Falls!

Sammy Well, alright! Now, why do you think—

Finn It’s just a beautiful town, isn’t it!? Scenic, and quiet as a cemetery!

Sammy [softly] Is it that quiet?

Finn Don’t you know it! I usually run through about three- four in the mornin’. The town’s just sittin’ there off Route 72 like one of those Thomas Kinkade[3] paintings. You know the Thomas Kinkade!

Sammy Yeah, of course. He’s the uh—

Finn All the twinkle-twinkle lights, pretty-as-a-picture. You know!

Ben We know!

Sammy Do you ever make your way into town, Finn?

Finn I haven’t ever gotten to stop, yet. Other than Rose’s diner, off the exit? But I can rreeally imagine settlin’ down and doin’ all the towny stuff with the family, ya know!?

Sammy *chuckles* Well, you know what? Next time you’re passing through, you swing on by the station and say hi, Finn.

Finn O-can-do, friends! Lookin’ forward to that! Holy SH[bleep]!!

Sammy [alarmed] Finn? Finn, are you alright?

Finn I’m dandy! But I just saw the biggest light-show-hullabaloo I ever seen! Looks like that Captain EO[4] laser light show at the Disney!

Ben [confused] Captain EO?

Finn Lit up the sky like the American Independence Day fire shows!

Ben [still unsure] Fireworks?

Finn Yeah! You know! It’s still going! The night looks- like the day!

Sammy Ben, can you check outside?

Ben On it.

Finn I-I-I’m gonna let you go! Too much goin’ on to be phonin’ into the show! [door closing in bg] Y-y-you fellas take care!

Sammy You too, Finn. Uh, you know, keep it between the lines, buddy.

Finn You know it!

[click]

Sammy [muttering] Uh, okay, how do you d- work this- uh. [normally] Line 2, you’re on King Falls AM.

Line 2 [lisping, kind of] Hey Shammy!

Sammy Heh-howdy! Give King Falls some love.

Line 2 I jush wanted- I jush wanted to call- I’m jusht a really big fan. A Big fan- I mean big.

Sammy The show just started minutes ago.

Line 2 [awkwardly] Yeah, this show’s- alright too… But I’ve been following your days since you were Shotgun Shammy!

Sammy [slightly nostalgic] Oh wow, Shotgun Sammy. *chuckles* Where are you located?

Line 2 Ohhh here and there. It’s a localized global world now! With the internet and technology. I just wanted to say, *awkward laughter* “Hi.” It’s just so- I love the show.

Sammy Well, thanks for listening. [door closing in bg] And we appreciate it! What was your name again?

Line 2 [shouting] Shotgun Sammyyy!

Ben [eagerly] You gotta see this! That truck driver wasn’t kidding! The whole place is lit up like- Christmas! or- something. Uh- Is anyone else out there seeing this? Look, the phone lines are on fire, man.

Sammy Uh, Line 1, you’re on the air.

Line 1 Hey guys, yeah, I’m- I’m, uh- I’m seein’ it the same as you are.

Sammy Well, now, who are we talking to?

Line 1 Oh, sorry, uh, Tim. Tim Jensen. I’m heading home from work out on Route 72? And I’m-I’m looking at the lights.

Ben That looks like the direction they’re coming from.

Tim  Yeah, there’s no doubt about that. They’re-they’re right on top of the old mill down off- Clower Street. It looks like- you’re looking into like, three different suns.

Sammy Three?

Tim  Yeah, these, uh- rainbow- lights? I-I don’t know what you’d call ‘em. They’re coming from these three triangle-shaped thingies.

Ben UFOs?

Tim  Hey- Hey. I did not say the “U” word. I said Triangle. Shaped… Thingies.

Sammy [glibly] You know, a technical term.

Ben W-w-what’re the triangles doing, Tim?

[eerie sci-fi bg music]

Tim  They’re just hovering! I’d say maybe two or- or three stories up off the ground? [getting slightly nervous] They’ve moved on past the mill now.

Sammy Wh-wh- Can you describe—

[deep, ominous, pulsing whir enters music]

Tim  Wai-wait. Hold on a second, they’re- they’re moving closer to the road I think.

Sammy Alright, you are our eyes, Tim. Tell us what you see.

Tim  [absently worried] The hell is that thing doing?

Sammy Be careful out there, Tim.

Tim  It just turned the other direction, and-and- and crossed the road. Couple hundred yards ahead- I-I’m gonna slow down.

[whirring stops]

Sammy Describe, if you can—

Tim  It just stopped! [music stops] Right above the road!

Ben Stopped? W-what’re-

[whir]

Tim  The lights just changed direction again! It’s definitely heading this way!

Sammy Turn around, Tim.

[slow, building whir]

Tim  Oh hell, th- they’re coming fast! Guys!

Ben Get out of there, Tim!

Sammy Ben, call Deputy Troy. [deep whir growing in volume] Stay safe out there Tim!

Tim  Ah sh[bleep] They’re-they’re right above me! I-I can’t see! [whir is louder than voices] The lights! NO! [loud building buzz/zoom, like a racecar accelerating] NO! NOO! *SCREAMING*

[silence]

[dial tone]

Sammy Tim? Hello, Tim? Can- Tim?

Ben [solemnly] Line’s dead, Sammy.

Sammy *heavy sigh* O-okay, uh folks, we’re just gonna take a quick break here. Uh, we’ll be right back to take more of some of your King Falls favorites.

Ben I-I’ve got Troy here.

[quietly in background: Sammy: Troy, hey are you listening to this? Ben, can you try to dial line one back, please?]

[rock outro music]

[CREDITS] King Falls AM is a production of the Make Believe Picture Company. For credits, as well as more information about King Falls AM, you can find us on Twitter @kingfallsam, on Facebook, and at kingfallsam.com. Thanks for listening to 660 on the radio dial.

References:

[1] Carlin Seven - Seven dirty words to never say on air (sh*t, p*ss, f*ck, c*nt, c*cks*cker, motherf*cker, and t*ts)

[2] Mayberry - A fictional small town featured in “The Andy Griffin Show”

[3] Thomas Kinkade - “The Painter of Light”, a popular American artist, known for his paintings of pastoral scenes, cottages, and the like, often with lit windows. (There are a lot of puzzles featuring his work)

[4] Captain EO - a 1986 American 3D science fiction film that was shown at Disney theme parks from 1986 through 1996. The movie stars Michael Jackson, was written by George Lucas and directed by Francis Ford Coppola. The film was shown as part of an attraction with in-theater effects.

[rpgsandbox]

The new Adventure Edition of the best-selling, multiple-award winning "Fast! Furious! Fun!" Savage Worlds Roleplaying Game!

We've taken everything we've learned over the last 15 years...all the feedback you've given us via our forums, social media, store, convention, and personal play...to make it faster, more furious, and more fun!

We're especially proud that this version combines the tactical nature of the original system with the best elements of narrative play.

Every aspect of the game has been reviewed and playtested,from all new Chase rules to Setting Rules, Edges & Hindrances, character creation, powers, creatures, and more.

This is also the most beautiful version of the game we've ever done, with full-color chapter headers and interior pages by incredibly talented artists from all over the world.

For the first time ever we've also got a deluxe box of all the essential accessories players and Game Masters ask for...a brand new Oversize Action Deck, official Savage Worlds Bennies, dice, GM screen, Power and Status Cards, and more!

Since first publication in 2003—with the tagline Fast! Furious! Fun!—Savage Worlds spread across the globe to become one of the most loved tabletop roleplaying game systems. Savage Worlds today:

Eight official translation partners (French, German, Korean, Italian, Polish,  Portuguese, Russian, and Spanish) producing the core rules and Pinnacle's Savage Settings in their native languages.

More than a hundred officially licensed companies creating everything from adventures to settings to monsters and villains!

Thousands of fan-licensed products available on the Internet for free!

Official Pinnacle licensed settings include Flash Gordon™, The Sixth Gun™, Lankhmar, The Goon™, and Palladium's Rifts®!

Original settings include the award-winning Deadlands, Weird Wars, Rippers, East Texas University, The Last Parsec, 50 Fathoms, Necessary Evil and MANY MORE!

                              Licensed settings for Savage Worlds!

                          Just a few of our many original settings!

From the high seas to the farthest reaches of space. From undead cowboys of the Weird West to the harried soldiers of Vietnam. From the forests of Weird Wars: Rome to the post-apocalyptic wastelands of Deadlands: Hell on Earth.

Savage Worlds handles pulp action, gritty noir, supers, hard scifi, space opera, horror, and anything you can imagine!

Savage Worlds hasn't changed much since it was first released in 2003, but there have been a few significant changes.

It was also time to update our graphic design, art, and size to match our current graphic novel format and showcase the incredible artists who have come on board since we began.

With any new printing we try to make things better, and the Adventure Edition received the same treatment. We've been listening—literally—to tens of thousands of players and Game Masters from all over the world for more than a decade. Shane Hensley, Clint Black, and the rest of the Pinnacle team have gathered and discussed the points they've raised for years and slowly but surely gathered them into this new Adventure Edition... faster, more furious, and more fun... thanks to YOU!

Previously released products are 100% playable with the Savage Worlds Deluxe core rules you may already own. For backwards compatibility, a simple conversion guide will be made available to download for free to update from Savage Worlds Deluxe to Savage Worlds Adventure Edition.

Here's a brief look at what to expect in the Adventure Edition!

Tricks and Tests of Will are now combined into the much simpler Tests. Wanna throw sand in your foe's eyes or baffle him with scientific mumbo-jumbo? YOU choose the skill, the foe tries to resist, and if successful, he's Distracted or Vulnerable until the end of his next action (and Shaken with a raise!). Work with your companions to set up the most powerful foes and see just how effective your teamwork can be!

Wanna help your friends? The new Support rule replaces Cooperative Rolls, letting players easily and creatively use any skill that makes sense to increase your allies' totals!

So long to...Charisma! All of Charisma's effects are now rolled into their specific Edges or Hindrances, creating more diverse and interesting effects and making their use far more clear.

Repeat actions! Previous versions of the game didn't allow you to take the same action twice. Now you can take up to three actions in a round at a standard "Multi-Action" penalty. Want to cast two or even three spells on your turn? Go for it! Want to fire your blaster at three different zombie aliens? It's in there too!

New Suppressive Fire rules make it much simpler, faster, and effective to keep your enemies' heads down.

Completely new Chase rules built to handle everything from battles between fleets of massive starships to foot chases through crowded city streets!

And a host of small but important tweaks to everything from Edges & Hindrances to Encumbrance, gear, powers, Setting Rules, and more!

Compatibility

The game is highly compatible with previous editions. If a character has an Edge or Hindrance, for example, just look it up in the new edition and use that. Some rules are just more clear, like what constitutes an action, the difference between a round or a turn, or what a bonus applies to. Other rules are just new and won't affect anything that's come before, like being able to draw a new Action Card by spending a Benny!

We'll also be issuing a free conversion guide for those who want to be a bit more exact, so all your previous settings and adventures should be easy to run and play with only an occasional change.

If something needs a little more work, we'll take a look and post an update on the setting's webpage at www.peginc.com. It might take us a while, we have a lot of settings! But we'll get to those that really need it as we can.

What's Next?

We have lots of exciting projects in the works to take advantage of the new material in this book, including new editions of Deadlands: the Weird West, new books for Rifts® for Savage Worlds, updated versions of our Companions, and even new settings like Deadlands: Dark Ages!

Stay tuned to our regular Tuesday updates on www.peginc.com to get the latest, or click here to join our Facebook page!

You can also follow THIS LINK to subscribe to our weekly electronic newsletter!

A beautiful, sturdy, box that comes with all the accessories you need to run and play Savage Worlds! There's even room to store your core book inside.

Includes:

World Builder's Guide (32 pages, but look for bonus pages and articles to be added as we hit certain Stretch Goals!)

Trifold landscape GM's Screen

Powers Deck  

Status Deck

Oversize Action Deck

Dice Set with four custom Wild Dice

25 Bennies

Transparent acrylic Cone and Blast Templates

Look for more as we unlock various physical Stretch Goals!

See pics and details below!

                                       The World Builder’s Guide!

The "Pulp" suit of the all-new oversize Action Deck (used for initiative in the game)! A throwback to our favorite deck ever, with art by the original artist, Cheyenne Wright! (Art not final!)

Handy Power Cards you can use for quick reference in the heat of combat!

Gorgeous Status Cards you can hand out to players as their characters are Shaken, Stunned, Wounded, and more!

The Savage Worlds Adventure Edition GM's Screen! Perfect for any genre!

The dice set, with four different Wild Dice to keep your luck running hot. ;)

                  Twenty-five Bennies you can use with any genre!

Clear acrylic Blast and Cone Templates with laser etched markings for maximum durability!

Kickstarter campaign ends: Thu, November 15 2018 3:00 AM UTC +00:00

Website: Pinnacle Entertainment

[yuexuan]

[Horikawa]Manifestation

Character: Horikawa-centric with mentions of other swords

Rating: G

Summary:  Tsukumogamis manifests with different characters, but all of them had to go through the phase of getting used to a human body, Horikawa Kunihiro no less.

Folklore had it that tsukumogamis were tools which contained a spirit.

To attain a spirit was to acquire consciousness and awareness, the capability to feel, to think and at the most extreme: to arbitrate. This was not a quick process, however. Perhaps because tools were forged with materials made to last, time passed slightly different for them. They gained their self-awareness at a more gradual pace, picking up bits and pieces of knowledge and values along the way, sometimes at the span of hundreds - if not thousands of years.

At the very beginning, a tool simply remained what it was: a tool. Even with this newfound spirit, they simply exist. It was hard to explain, the circumstance of which was so unlike the human experience that it befuddles one to say that tsukumogamis exist not in the physical sense, but in some higher-up consciousness. Inasmuch as we don’t ponder whether the plants around us share the same experience given our inherent differences, so too tsukumogamis were different by their very being a lump of element.

Yet even plants respond to external stimuli, but an individual tsukumogami at the very start of being was incapable of responding at all. Nevertheless, they knew things by means inexplicable. They were quite aware of the happenings surrounding them, of the names gifted unto them, of their master’s purpose, and of their allies and enemies. Silently they participated in forging history and in turn, became part of the flow of history.

Horikawa Kunihiro, a mysterious sword whose history remained much debated, awoke again.

He had closed himself from the rest of the world for years, slowly fading away with the undercurrents at the bottom of the ocean. It was the best option, really. After all, the end of the sword era was drawing upon them and sinking to the fathomless depth was somehow less terrifying of a closure than the smith’s furnace or broken halves.

Do they even exist anymore when their steel body ceased to be?

Kunihiro didn’t know how long he had slept – if that was the right word for simply shutting oneself off – because time was meaningless in the whole scheme of things for a sword. All he knew was that something forcefully tugged him out of his slumber and he found himself tittering on solid ground.

Everything was spinning around him: color, light, shapes and forms, shifting and gyrating, jostling and pushing, all of them clamouring to gain his attention. Nothing remained in focus until he shut out the world again by closing his eyes.

One of the things that tool spirits lacked were the senses. To be suddenly confronted by the visual onslaught was overwhelming to say the least. Kunihiro reacted far better than most of the other swords when they first arrived, a notable example being one particular crane who’d surprise everyone by pretending dead.

Suffice to say the poor smith had the living daylights scared out of him and things almost ended badly. Almost. But that is a story for another day.

“There, there, all of us had to go through this stage.”

“Let him rest, he has come a long way.”

For the first time Kunihiro heard, and in the strange manner by which the spirits obtained their knowledge, he knew instinctively that this was sound and made sense of the words.

Someone picked him up, which only added to his dizziness as he swayed back and forth with the pace of whoever that was carrying him. He didn’t know where they were going, but instinctively trusted the friendly voices. Voices which came from spirits just like him – that much he could sense – so he trusted that they understood his circumstance and knew what best to do with him. And with that he lapsed back to the passive nature of swords when not wielded by a hand.

They passed by many winding hallways judging by the number of turns taken. The place was far bigger than any Shinsengumi abode that he knew of.

They also passed by many people, based on the greetings of delight at a newcomer.

Kunihiro kept his eyes shut tight throughout the whole journey. Not that he was trying to be rude by ignoring the greetings, but his mind was whirling to put two and two together. Only one thing was immediately discernible: this was neither the bottom of the ocean nor was he within his steel vessel. Instead, he had a human form: head, limbs, torso, the whole package. For all intents and purposes, he was a human…at least on the outside. He wasn’t quite sure about the inside. Humans were awfully complex on the inside. For one, they have their messy organs and blood which seemed to have a tendency to leave the body at whatever opening he made on the person.

But they were also more complex deep inside. Specifically, he was referring to the human emotions that rise and fall, that make a person, but also drive them to do insane feats that may very well end in their demise.

Up till now he had no idea why Hijikata went off to battle with nothing more than a wakizashi in hand. Kunihiro was fast, but clearly no match against rifle guns.

~oOo~

By and by Kunihiro was left in a room with his original body.

“Just rest until you’re feeling better, okay?” The voice disappeared, followed by the sound of shoji sliding close.

It took a while for Kunihiro to gather himself from dark thoughts, but eventually he managed to open his eyes. He laid on the ground after the fashion of swords, unmoving, and that was fine.

Or at least it was fine when he was merely a sword.

A sense of unease crept over him. Something was tingling, similar to when the fishes take little bites at him while he rested. Not that he had actually felt fish nips, but he imagined that that was what it felt like.

Kunihiro shifted onto his side in discomfort.

Then realized that he had moved on his own accord. And so he tried flipping over onto his other side.

To his delight, he moved again, except this time his hand slapped against his original body, sending sharp pains shooting down his current body.

The whole original and current body thing was downright confusing. Were they detached? Or one and the same? Surely, they were still connected somehow because he sensed the familiarity between the two bodies. Or maybe everything was a figment of his imagination and he was still down at the bottom of the ocean…but can sword spirits imagine something far beyond the realm of their own experience?

Kunihiro decided some thoughts were better left for a later time. For now, he could just focus on handling the current body.

It was harder said than done. Not too long ago he had literally only one body, no strange limbs sticking out, each demanding their own dominance. They were like the mischievous Okita swords, always bickering, each trying to outdo the other. Thank goodness humans weren’t privy to spirit talk, or else Hijikata would have a thing or two to say about keeping order.

Once again Kunihiro’s thoughts wander down memory lane, evoking pain inside of him. Not the physical type of pain he felt when he slapped his original body, but the emotional inside-human type of pain. This was the pain associated with losing those close to him.

But perhaps, just perhaps, if he was given a second chance, the other Shinsengumi swords were given one as well?

Then and there Kunihiro found a new agenda: to seek out whether the other Shinsengumi swords were here, wherever here was. That was another thing he had to figure out, along with a multitude of other questions regarding the system of the place, why they were brought here and so, so much more.

How curious that before he attained a human body there was no such thing as a desire to accomplish something of his own accord. Rather, he - no, they, the tsukumogamis - were all content with carrying out their owners’ wishes. But now, he had a new goal.

And for the rest of the night, Kunihiro pondered what other agenda he should pursue with his newfound mobility.

~oOo~

Kunihiro tugged at his bangs.

There were a lot of mechanics involved in bringing swords back from the flow of history, but physical appearance was probably the hardest to comprehend. It wasn’t just about retaining certain aspects of their original design (mind you, he didn’t retain anything in particular from his sword form), but also creating new features and filling in gaps when certain swords were more legendary objects than referenced reality.

As for him, his looks were decidedly boyish if not leaning a bit too much on the childish side. Despite not having seen before, Kunihiro nonetheless felt that his appearance didn’t quite match his age. Instinctively he knew the concept of age and its effects on human appearances, therefore it came as a surprise to him when he noticed that some of the youngest-looking swords in the Citadel were in fact, the oldest ones.

It was later explained to him that the manifested spirits reflect their actual sword length rather than their forging age. He guessed that made sense, considering that his smaller stature also brought about more flexibility, which was what he was originally created for.

Compared to the other swords, Kunihiro’s looks weren’t too flamboyant. He didn’t have hair one of the color of the rainbow or ridiculously long limbs. If anything, he was decidedly normal. Perhaps all the more reason for people to take note of his side-swiping bangs and big blue eyes.

As a sword equipped for night excursions, his eyes were his pride. He had better eyesight than most of the other swords, not to mention that his night vision was one of the best in the Citadel. The bangs were a bit of a nuisance as they tend to fall into his eyes during rapid movements, but they were also his unique feature, so he left them to their own device.

“Although I am familiar to blue eyes, Horikawa’s is too bright, waaaay too bright and big.” Kiyomitsu once said passingly.

Others may have taken the comment as an insult, but with Kiyomitsu, it was sometimes hard to distinguish between actual jabs and casual comments. Thankfully Kunihiro was one of the few that could read between the lines.

But sometimes even the most familiar can be obtuse.

“He’s just jealous that his eyes are not as cute. Like yours and mine,” Yamatonokami grinned.

“You would’ve looked more like Okita if you had narrower eyes.”

That was definitely a jab. Kunihiro winced.

True enough, the duo was off as one chased after the other in mock anger. It seemed that Okita’s liveliness rubbed off of them.

Naturally he didn’t think much about his own eye color, simply by virtue of the fact that he wasn’t faced with them 24-7. Perhaps it was best that his bangs partially covered the eyes if others found it disconcerting.

Something that did bother him, however, was his garment. It was odd that his battle garment lacked the red that was characteristic of his scabbard. Instead, all the red went into his internal affairs uniform, which had more to do with the design for each sword school rather than their inherent appearance.

His ‘brothers’ also shared the same red uniforms and the only way to distinguish them during laundry were by their size and…level of tatter, something that no amount of washing could remove. He really needs to have a good sit-down talk with his secluded brother. Allegedly neither of them was the real deal, which should be a good starting point for conversation.

Kunihiro sighed as he hung his brother’s tattered shirt on the line.

Then again…red wasn’t the best color choice for assassination deeds.

~oOo~

Lately Kunihiro was fascinated with sounds. Volume, rhythm, repetition, intonation and words surround him and was reiterated by him. He came to recognize the residents of the Citadel not only by their voices, but also by their footsteps. The tantous were always in a hurry, pattering feet announcing themselves well before the boys came into view. There were the yaris and naginatas, who, with their larger stature, can lumber quite a bit. There was the swish swish swish of fabric as the older swords who wore traditional dresses moved about, the ends of their hakama and sleeves brushing against one another in tandem with their strides.

By far the hardest to hear were his own type - the wakizashis - who excelled in stealth, some of whom also had a penchant for deep night ventures. Had it not been for the fact that they were natural scouters, Kunihiro doubted he could have spotted them when they passed by.

“Good night.” Kunihiro greeted quietly as Honebami and Namazuo walked by. They nodded in return before disappearing down the hallway.

Kunihiro tested his own vocals a few times, wincing when it came out slightly higher pitched than he’d imagine. Others said it sounded bright and Kunihiro. He wasn’t quite sure how his name could be used as an adjective, but he supposed his voice was better than Yagen’s, which for some reason was far too low a register for someone of his stature.

“Ka-n-ne-sa-ngh.” Kunihiro tested out the name in his mouth, swishing it around like it was a piece of chocolate. The ‘ne’ syllable was hard to pronounce, probably to do with its softer intonation, but after a few practices, it came out sounding much better. That was the nickname he had given to the other sword forged in the likeness of his image. ‘Izumi no Kami Kanesada’ was too long to say in one breath, he figured he could take the liberty to shorten it.

Given that Kanesada hadn’t fully manifested as a spirit during their time with Hijikata, Kunihiro hadn’t actually communicated with the other sword. At that time, he could only feel the familiar vibe of an awakening spirit. But what a lively young spirit it was! There was a lot of energy emanating off of the spirit well before it was fully formed. Needless to say it will become a strong sword befitting of Hijikata’s name.

Hijikata himself was immensely proud of this blade, supposedly it was crafted under the famous Kanesada. It was a different type of sword, longer and stronger, suited for battle in full daylight under the auspicious gaze of their master. That knowledge meant that Kunihiro was somehow delegated to the secondary role, even though by chronological order he was older. But he was happy to become the assistant, Kane-san could be the first. As his superior, Kunihiro will make certain that Kane-san’s growth came to pass and that he fledged into a noble sword. This was a secret delight only older people nurse when they were able to guide a younger one forward.

As of now, Kane-san hadn’t arrived at the Citadel yet. The Saniwa claimed that it wouldn’t be long before they find Kane-san because unlike some of the other swords, his original body didn’t disappear entirely. (Kunihiro wondered if the difficulty was with summoning the existing swords from the museums where they were kept, as that would construe some sort of historical alteration.)

No worries because he was not in a hurry. Kunihiro wanted to make sure that he had fully mastered his body before meeting the younger sword.

After all, how could he possibly be a good assistant if he had no agency over himself?

~oOo~

“One egg, half a cup of sugar…” Kunihiro scrunched his nose slightly in concentration.

It was his turn to perform the kitchen duties. For whatever reason, their daily duties included serving dishes to the mass, tending to the farms and maintaining the overall hygiene of the Citadel. It made absolutely no sense. Sure, they had human bodies, and maybe some human tendencies, but they were swords by nature. And… swords don’t eat.

When Kunihiro inquired, he got varying responses. Mutsunokami, for one, was bent on savoring the pleasures of food. Ichigo spewed something about health and making young swords grow fine, whatever that meant. Their looks were already set in stone, including their physical built and no amount of eating could change that. Alternatively, Ishikirimaru said food was the aura of the universe encapsulated in a material that could be internalized, which only added to the confusion.

In the end Kunihiro decided that eating was just a pleasurable ritualistic act that life participate in, and given that they were alive, they should do so as well.

Kunihiro’s brows furrowed as he focused on beating the eggs into the flour till solid and liquid merge into one. Mitsutada mentioned that he could start with baking first, which was easier because unlike cooking, it was less of an art and require more measured precision.

The one-eyed sword said that he was a natural at baking, but Kunihiro wondered if it had more to do with the fact that his body was small enough to fit snugly within the kitchen or that his temperament was mild enough to keep the ingredients within the bowl. When kitchen duty fell into the hands of many of the other swords, it inevitably became more cleaning up rather than making food.

Most of the tantous couldn’t be trusted with food unless Ichigo was standing watch over them. The poor yaris, naginatas and ootachis could barely move within the confines of the kitchen. And the Sanjous……well, they were a class of their own. Add Tsurumaru into the mix and the kitchen was a goner.

Thankfully the Saniwa had the mercy to assign only a few of the regulars to the kitchen.

Gradually the fragrant aroma of baked goods filled the kitchen as the cookies finished. Kunihiro took a bite and winced at the explosion of sweetness in his mouth. It was not his thing – he preferred sour and bitter, they somehow reminded him of the loss of his former master. He disliked salt, simply because he heard that that was the taste of ocean water, something that he did not sorely miss.

Mitsutada noticed his wince and laughed. “The tantous love the sugar, especially Houchou. I suspect that’s how they stay so energetic all the time.” He packed all the cookies unto a plate for dinner.

Kunihiro noticed that he had left out a few.

“There’s a saying that the baker should leave the first few cookies for their dearest,” Mitsutada winked and left.

…for their dearest…

Kunihiro mulled over whom he would consider ‘dearest’. He didn’t think his relationship with Hijikata counted as one – most swords weren’t close to their masters, and that was assuming their relationship was a benign one. Nay, it was more of a servile exchange: their master wielded them, they followed without thought.

The other Shinsengumi swords were close contenders, they were comrades in battle and extended family of sorts, but there were three of them, and Mitsutada only left enough cookies for one. It was not in Kunihiro’s nature to favour one above the other.

There were also his brothers-by-creator, but Yamabushi was off to training and Yamanbagiri was…hiding somewhere again.

If only Kane-san was here, that would solve his dilemma.

Kunihiro sighed again and left the cookies by the Saniwa’s door as a token of appreciation for bringing him and everyone else to the Citadel.

~oOo~

Some say that the longer a sword was used in the battlefield, the more bloodlust they harbor.  

Kunihiro realized that killing the Time Retrograde Army was an exhilarating experience as his original body tore through enemy flesh. It was what he was made for, he thrived in the frenzy. It - this killing - gave him renewed purpose. The best part? He had control over how he wanted to end another life.

For the moment, his two bodies connected at a level never felt before. He saw through the blade, he felt what the blade felt, he was, and will always be, the blade which slice through the night.

In his previous life, the target of his blade was entirely dependent on whoever was holding the hilt. Sometimes the killing was smooth, clean slices through the weakest part of the human body. But sometimes it was awfully messy. Even though he had no senses back then, he was somehow aware of when an attack was good, or when it was a poor hit that left the victim gurgling and struggling for life.

Now it was different. With senses tingling, Kunihiro could direct where his blows land. The impact of his attack, the whistling of the wind as his blade swept through the air and the acrid taste on his tongue as the Time Retrograde Army disintegrated before him sent his heart racing.

From the corner of his eyes he saw that Okita’s swords were enjoying the killing spree as well. Kiyomitsu deftly weaved himself between the enemy ranks, parting the crowd every which way with wide arcs of steel. Yamatonokami grinned wildly as enemy blood adorned his blue robe.

At least Kunihiro need not worry about washing out the stains later: the enemy’s blood faded quickly, just as quickly as the enemy body disintegrating into the wind.

So it came as a surprise when he was damaged by a stray ootachi. Red began pooling from the wound, warm and sticky, the sight of which sent nauseating tremors throughout his whole frame. He thought they were similar in some respect to the enemy, because they were first and foremost swords, and swords don’t bleed, but he guessed they were very much like humans on the inside as well.

Pain erupted from his wound and Kunihiro went down. Panic bubbled up within him as he lost control of his body. Luckily the Okita swords were beside him in a moment, fighting off the enemies who had taken the opening.

Kunihiro watched in a daze as the last of the Time Retrograde Army was brought down. Kiyomitsu said something to him, but when he couldn’t respond, they’d just hauled him unto Yamatonokami’s back before teleporting back to the Citadel.

Then slowly, the pain dwindled as he was taken away, just like the last time he sank to the bottom of the ocean. His vision closed in while his soul awaited the sweet bliss of darkness.

He was dimly aware of the tantous crying as they trailed behind him while he was being transported to the healing room. His blade which laid beside him was cracked across the body. How odd it was that the injuries on his body were reflected onto the blade, Kunihiro thought to himself. Would he disappear? He didn’t want to leave yet, not when he was coming to like the residents in the Citadel. And definitely not before Kane-san arrive.

Kunihiro tried to fight off the darkness, but it was to no avail.

He went out of consciousness.

~oOo~

By and by Kunihiro regained consciousness again. At least this time it was a gradual awakening rather than the confusing explosion that he had to contend with when he first arrived at the Citadel.

Things were different: there was a renewed vigor in him. His blue eyes sparkled with life. Another narrow escape from death had grounded him in the reality that life was truly him now.

Seeing the tantous cry in joy about his return, being stuffed with food from the kitchen, being excused from internal affairs while he recuperated, all the care and love he received from everyone was overwhelming…….but also so filling.

Kunihiro felt himself teared up for the first time.

He was back at the Citadel, where he belonged.

[1000-directions]

@queerlyalex tagged me in this approximately 4 million years ago. i think someone else tagged me too with different questions, and i will try to find that and answer it within the next 4 million years.

The rules are: ✰ post the rules ✰ answer the questions given to you by the tagger ✰ write eleven questions of your own ✰ tag eleven people (sorry, no, this already took forever)

1. If you had unlimited resources for one thing, such as going to school or travelling or to meet someone or to do a good work such as solving the water crisis in Flint, what would you use your unlimited resources for?

i mean...now that you’ve mentioned flint, i feel like i can’t say something selfish like “finance the recording and production of my ep” or “laser hair removal” or “spend a month exploring the galapagos” without sounding like an asshole lol. it would be nice to do something like...end all hunger and war everywhere, but i don’t know if that’s something that’s a matter of resources as much as entrenched inequality and hatred, and that might be beyond the scope of this hypothetical exercise. so i’m gonna go with overthrow the united states government. not just impeaching, convicting, and imprisoning trump, but getting rid of everyone, abolishing the electoral college and two-party politics, maybe a parliament or something. and while we’re at it, i’m gonna throw all the guns into the sun and redistribute all of the wealth so that no one is a billionaire and everyone has enough to get by. by throwing all the guns into the sun, i’m undecided if i mean that hyperbolically or if i mean lets re-fund NASA and get people excited about space exploration again and build enough rockets and train enough astronauts to literally throw the guns into the literal sun.

2. Say you’re an amazing photographer and you got picked up by National Geographic (before Rupert Murdoch of course, ick), they are willing to let you go anywhere in the world to photograph any subject, where are you going and what are you taking photos of?

ummmm we’re either going “louis tomlinson: a life in food” where i follow him on tour and take pictures of his starbucks order and what he likes to eat for breakfast in different countries or “wildlife of oceania” where i travel around australia and new zealand taking pictures of cool ass kangaroos and birds and coral reefs.

3. Do you listen to music when you go to sleep?

NO. silence or rain are the only sounds i can tolerate when i’m sleeping.

4. Have you ever had a “food phase” where you absolutely cannot stop eating this one thing, or a few things in combination? Do you still get cravings for whatever it was?

i mean, my entire life is a food phase where i absolutely cannot stop eating E V E R Y T H I N G. when i was in high school, i would make muddy buddies or puppy chow or whatever you call it -- the chex with the chocolate and peanut butter and powdered sugar -- every thursday and then watch ER. a friend of mine used to do that, so i tried it once and it was just a very satisfying combination of like ritually making something and then watching something i really enjoyed. it always tastes better in my imagination than it actually tastes on my tongue.

5. Can you tell me about the best pet you’ve ever owned? Or someone else owned and you still connected with? If you’ve never experience this comradery with an animal a) I’m sorry and b) tell me about a stuffed animal or a beloved trinket.

my father is really allergic to dogs and cats (and deathly allergic to birds) but when i was a kid, we had at various times 3 dogs and 1 cat, all of which we had to give up after a few days or months because he couldn’t breathe. i don’t know WHY my parents kept bringing animals into the home of young children who quickly got attached to these animals only to have them repeatedly given away. when i was 19-ish, then got a bichon frise, this lil dude:

(enjoy the only picture i will ever post of myself on tumblr btw)

we spent a lot of time together when i lived at home. my parents traveled a lot, and they were gone basically every weekend, and it was just me and him. when i moved out, he used to go outside my door and scratch and whine every night because he didn’t understand why we weren’t hanging out. he was a big reason i waited so long to move out of my parents’ house, because the thought of not seeing him every day was so so upsetting to me. over the last few years, he has really deteriorated, and now he’s an anxious old man puppy who won’t let anyone touch him (same tbh)

6. Do you like hummus? If you haven’t ever tried it, Google it and tell me if you would be willing to try it.

hecK YEAH i like hummus. plain hummus, garlic hummus, lemon hummus, pine nut hummus, black bean hummus, red pepper hummus, GIMME IT ALL TBH. best with lil pieces of pita obviously but i usually eat it with carrots and try to pretend i’m being healthy.

7. What’s the most you’ve ever spent on fan merch, whether it’s an object or an album preorder, etc.

oh.......shit. as a disclaimer, this was a long time ago when i was living at home and working full time and i had decent savings and wasn’t super concerned about the future. i spent $2000 on a pair of tickets to see a band on new years eve at some casino in oklahoma. i live on the east coast. so i also had to pay for a flight to dallas, a rental car, and a hotel. i had an amazing time, it was one of the best shows i’ve ever been to, and my friend and i still talk about it all the time all these years later. however...especially these last few months when i’ve had no solid idea how i was going to pay my rent or bills or anything, i’ve really thought about how much it would help to have that money back. but that being said, i was such a reckless idiot back then that i probably would have just spent it on something else stupid anyway.

8. I have a really weird #adulting life goal where I want to end up with a house that has a formal dining room. Do you have an #adulting life goal?

hmm. i don’t like to fantasize or speculate about the future much, because i am like...so far away from where i would ideally like to be in any aspect of my life, period. i don’t think it serves me well to look more than one or two steps ahead of where i am at any given point. there have been many times in my life where i’ve looked at where i am and thought, wow, i never could have even IMAGINED i’d have accomplished this even two years ago!! so i just try to tell myself that there is good stuff up ahead that i don’t even know i’m capable of achieving, and i try not to worry about specifics. 

9. Do you have pajamas, like PJs you bought from the PJ section at the store and wear as PJs to bed, or do you wear whatever such as sweats and a tshirt from your closet like I’m wearing right now?

i have a bunch of cute satiny nightgowns like little slips that i used to wear in the summer, and then t-shirts and pajama pants in winter. these days, i literally just wear a tank top and underwear, and if i ever get cold (lol unlikely) i just pile on another blanket.

10. What are some of your goals in 2018? Either goals for yourself or what your doing or your fandom experience, etc. Can you tell me about them?

i start the new job in a week, and i just wanna work hard and do well and hopefully make some friends with my coworkers. most of my friends are moving away in a few months, and there are two in particular i really want to make an effort to stay in contact with. i would like to lose enough weight so i don’t completely hate myself by the time i meet everyone at red rocks. if i lose 35 pounds, i’ll be back where i was when school started. and i want to grow my nails out.

11. What is a happy memory you feel like sharing?

when i was eighteen and failing out of college for the first time, i went to a thai restaurant for lunch (by myself, i had no friends and was hundreds of miles from home and knew no one, i went days at a time without talking to another person), and when the waiter brought the bill, there was a note inside that said “excuse me but you have a nice smile.” and that was it, no phone number or anything, just a nice compliment from a stranger at a time when i was completely falling apart.

[fae-fucker]

Shatter Me: Chapter 16-17

Chapter 16

Juliette whines some more about how much she hates dresses and how she’s not a doll.

Didn’t you decide in the last chapter that you’d be the perfect mannequin? Can you shut the fuck up and do that already? 

I know Tahereh is trying to Say Something (maybe how Not Like Other Girls Juliette is for not liking dresses and being an Individualé), but we get it already. Just move on. 

Juliette finds her old notebook in the purple dress Adam told her to wear and gets all angsty about the fact that he saved it.

He was trying to tell me something and I was so scared I scared him away. 

I scared him away.

Yeah, you scared him away, what a terrible person you are for getting scared of a strange man who cornered you in a bathroom. 

See, girls? Don’t be scared of the next man who tries to corner you in a bathroom, maybe he just wants to tell you some little secret! You just never know!

Adam has written “It’s not what you think” in her notebook. Thanks Adam. How very helpful of you.

Warner Bros. arrives and it’s time to leave, I guess. Juliette thinks about Adam some more. 

“I really like that dress,” Warner says as he slips an arm around my waist. I jerk away but he pulls me along, guiding me toward the elevator. “The fit is spectacular. It helps distract me from all your questions.”

B-b-boyfriend ... g-goals ??

You know when your HOT SEXY DOMINANT DANGEROUS BAD BOY love interest is so gross he makes the reader literally feel sick that you’ve truly crafted the most #boyfriend goals character of all time.

Juliette makes a random comment about Warner Bros.’ mother for some reason I can’t quite understand, and he freaks out.

I feel sorry for your poor mother, is what I was going to say to him, that she has to deal with such a miserable, pathetic son.

Juliette is the queen of non-sequiturs, I guess. 

“Your dress makes my dick hard.”

“Lmao yo mama.”

It’s obviously foreshadowing that his mom is in danger or sick and dying or some shit. Or maybe ye olde classic where the dad is a shithead who beats her and uses her to control Warner Bros. idk. 

Chapter 17

Turns out that they’re going outside, and you know the outside is what really gets Juliette going, so she forgets all about the bad stuff and reaches for the skies, literally, because she’s just so very very deep and troubled. 

Warner Bros. thankfully puts a stop to that nonsense and they basically go to address to his troops. 

“Sector 45.” 

One word. One number.

Yep. We can uh ... we can read, Tahereh Juliette, thank you. 

Warner slips his arm around me. I cringe. The crowd starts. My heart careens out of control. I’m too scared to back away from him. His gun is too close to my body. 

The soldiers seem stunned that Warner is willing to touch me.

SHE’S JUST SO SCARY AND INTIMIDATING, RIGHT GUYS?!!??!?!

We find out that Jenkins is a-ok and Warner Bros. tells the rest of the troops to be nice towards and afraid of Juliette, because she’s just so very very spooky, and then they do a little nice dance routine. 

(It’s supposed to be some sort of salute, but honestly reads really silly so idk what to tell ya.)

[Warner’s] eyes are sharpening over the soldiers below, shards of emerald flickering like green flames over their bodies.

THEY’RE GREEN, DID YOU GET THAT? HIS EYES ARE GREEN!! THEY’RE VERY VERY VERY GREEN!! 

Ok Tahereh please chill. 

He spends an eternity simply staring at the soldiers, letting his few words marinate in their minds. Letting their own imaginations drive them insane. Letting the guilty among them tremble in anguish. 

I’m giggling. I think the author thinks that this is all very intimidating and makes Warner cool and says something about the human condition and our fears, but it’s really just edgy, silly, and makes no goddamn sense.

This is really bad politics. You don’t treat your military, your hundreds of actually armed human beings, like this. Politicians don’t threaten the military, because without the military, the politicians would have no power. These are the guys you need to rally and inspire and brainwash to fight for you, to die for you. You don’t scare them into doing that. 

Whatever, man. We just have to make sure Warner Bros. is a real spooky scary boy. If he’s anything but that, then how can he be hot and scary and powerful?

Anyway, turns out that one of the soldiers has done a Bad and it’s time for punishment aka death. 

The soldiers are all frozen in line, frozen in relief, frozen in fear, frozen in anxiety. Nothing moves. Nothing breathes. Even the wind is afraid to make a sound.

Turns out that the soldier, whose name is irrelevant and purpose in this scene is apparent so I’ll just call him Dead Meat, has been ... omg, he’s been hanging out with rebels and helping their cause?

And Warner is such a charismatic and darling leader, how can ANYONE betray him?

Whatever, we have to jack off to how hot and scary and brutal Warner is, so he shoots Dead Meat right in his ginger head. 

*clears throat*

HOLY SHIT THIS IS FUCKING STUPID AS FUCK.

You’ve basically wasted years upon years of training and resources on this guy only to shoot him in the head because you decided that swinging your dick around to prove how scary and intimidating you are is more important than keeping loyal troops. 

“Oh but this will keep the other soldiers scared and obedient!” Holy shit, no it won’t. Warner Bros. just shot someone’s friend! The fact that they’re all already so terrified, that they know that this shit happend regularly, just reinforces the fact that more and more people will turn away from Warner Bros. and the Reestablishment because they keep murdering their friends right in front of their goddamn eyes. 

This is fucking bullshit. You don’t treat your military like this. 

You don’t threaten the knife with your own throat. 

You don’t intimidate the guys who shoot the guns for you, because that will make them shoot the guns at you. You need them to be loyal to you, to fight for you against a common enemy, but since this society doesn’t have one, you’re just painting yourself as a target by shooting soldiers in the face whenever you want.

Tahereh, please. Stop wanking off to your pseudo-philisophical crap and just actually think for one goddamn second. 

God, this is all just to make Warner seem edgy, isn’t it? To show how brutal and scary he is and wax poetic about the psychology of fear or some shit. 

Warner is supposed to be this semi-unhinged guy who puts on a smooth mask but is actually a sexy fucked up motherfucker. Except having him be constantly smooth and charismatic and never show aggression or even touch a gun but still be in charge would be terrifying if done right.

Imagine being in the presence of someone who commands hundreds of people and see just how much they all admire and adore him. How much control he has over them despite seemingly not trying, how they almost seem to want him to control them, how they seem to think it’s an honor. 

How much he believes in his cause, and they believe in it too, and he’s so charismatic and charming and influential that even you start to believe it against your better judgment.

Wouldn’t that be monstrous? 

But no. Instead we get a boring-ass edgelord who has to act cool for people to respect him.

Great. 

[saskiavalentineapologist]

Can you tell me more about Jubilee and DeLune? Jubilee is your character, right? They both sound like great characters!

ANON YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE

hooo ok. ok so. ok so listen. listen.

we gotta get something out of the way realquick: whenever i talk about DeLune and Jubilee–or really just DeLune–i getso incoherent and flail-y i just. i love DeLune so much, she’s been in mythoughts every day for the past month+ no lie

ok so. @fatalcookies​ createdDeLune as an npc for a campaign she’s going to run, in which I’m going to be aplayer, playing as Jubilee Waters, the gayest tiefling you’ll ever meet (as ofyet, there has not been a single game. I’m obsessing over a character i haventplayed as and her girlfriend. i know. I’m ridiculous)

..let’s introduce Jubilee, then DeLune, theni’ll talk a little about their relationship and maaaaybe go into the au’s I’vecooked up for them. that sounds good, yeah let’s do that

Jubilee Waters. she’s from a small mountaincommunity where tieflings are more accepted than in other places. This mountaincommunity is also known for its arts

Jubilee was abandoned on the church ofPelor’s doorstep at birth, and was taken in by one of the people whoworked in the church, a laborer/cook/whatever they needed her to be named MariaWaters.

Jubilee grew up healthy and strong, and wasquick to pick up the ways of both a cleric and an artist; shaping her own hornsinto works of art and also taking up painting as a hobby, all while training tobe a holy warrior who fought in the name of Pelor, god of the sun. She excelledat the healing arts, and it was only because of her desire to help peopleoutweighing her need for glory that she went down the cleric path instead ofthe paladin path. (that and i reallllly wanted to play a cleric, because ihavent yet)

except her mom didn’t want her to go out andadventure, because it was too dangerous. That was a point of contention for along time between them. Jubilee wanted to go out and help people, and hermother wanted her home and safe.

Eventually, Jubilee’s mother passed. Jubileestayed, mourned, and before too long had passed, she was out on the road,heading to destinations unknown in a quest with a single goal: help peoplewherever help is needed. 

Eventually, she meets the group she’ll betraveling with in-game, and she goes on her merry way, eventually meetingDeLune

(I’ve been informed that DeLune probably won’tshow up until about halfway through the campaign, which on one hand makes me :(but on the other hand has built up the Hype of meeting her so much that i thinkwhen Jennie says “and in walks a half elven businesswoman” or somethingalong those lines I’m literally going to burst into tears of joy)

DeLune Candor…im trying to decide how much ican talk about.

you know what? i don’t think any of the otherplayers follow me, so the chances of them seeing this post are slim to none.I’m going in guns a’ blazin’

Her full name, I’ve found out, is Claire DeLuneCandor (which “Claire DeLune” means moonlight so they’ve already got thisgreat sun and moon dynamic going on which makes me Weak)

DeLune Candor is a ~55 year old (or theequivalent in half-elven terms) inventor turned businesswoman who is currentlythe head of a large family business that specializes in trading. The businessis booming, and it’s exclusively due to DeLune being at the head of thebusiness. She tries her best to run an ethical business, she’s a pointy-earedcapitalist, and i love her with my whole heart oh my god

She’s a workaholic, she is Fancy to the extremeand has quite the refined taste. She doesn’t like mincing words, she’svery direct and to the point, and she’s…i was going to say she’s perfectbut she’s not, she has flaws, but she’s so My Type that it hurts me and as suchi tend to gloss over her flaws.  I love her with my entire heart, flawsand all tho?? I say i would die for a lot of characters but i would live forDeLune.

OH HOW COULD I FORGET!!!!the song that inspired this character is this song and the woman singing? Shirley Bassey?? is the voice andface claim for DeLune so you Know I’m all about this song, i’ve probablylistened to it a hundred times. i love that song

DeLune…..DeLune actually has a daughter namedCeleste who is around Jubilee’s age which makes things sorta awkward sometimesbut shh shh its perfectly fine shh it can be funny sometimes, ill get into that in a minute

she’s a huge lover of the arts and thesciences, having been an inventor at one point. the love of the arts manifestsitself in her giving patronage to many different artists and commissioningworks and stuff like that Its Good

hrrmm what else is there about DeLune that ican rant about. god i just. ok i just love her. i love her so much?? and shehurts me sometimes for reasons I’m not sure i can disclose at this point. to besafe I’m not going to go too much into it but…she gave up a lot for thefamily business. and i just want her to be happy and relaxed and without toomuch stress

Their relationship…hoogh

ok so they meet, right. and DeLune isimmediately interested in Jubilee’s horns, because they’re works of art andshe’s intrigued with how they came to be. And when Jubilee tells her that she’sbeen working on her horns since she was ten, and that they still require upkeepand management….DeLune has this “holy shit” moment. bc?? here let mefind a direct quote:

“–these are the work of a literallifetime and peoples’ /lives/ are the work of a lifetime and they can’tmaintain as much focus as this 90% of the time.”

so yes, DeLune takes notice in Jubilee becauseof her horns. And Jubilee like. she saw DeLune and she just got this momentof “holy moly I’m so gay” so like?? They both were somewhat interestedfrom the start, and it just evolved from there.

i imagine Jubilee tried to beat around the bushand be subtle about trying to get DeLune to date her but DeLune saw rightthrough it and was just like “…do you want to date me? is that whatyou’re getting at?” and jubilee was like “yes. yes yes yes please godyes"

and so?? they date??

and things go well!! they click reallynaturally and they enjoy each other’s company. They go to a variety offancy places and Jubilee is terrified each time because she doesn’t want to sayor do the wrong thing and end up embarrassing DeLune, but DeLune teaches herthe basics of fancy etiquette and that puts her at ease

…jennie and i have had a conversation abouthow DeLune just completely roasts someone who dared to make a comment aboutJubilee being a tiefling and honestly i saved that whole conversation and iread it when i get sad bc DeLune utterly destroying someone is just So Good

They have their arguments and theirdisagreements because Something (I don’t know what it is) happens around thesame time they meet each other that puts DeLune on edge and so there’sdefinitely conflict regarding this thing. I don’t know what it is but I know inmy soul that its going to hurt me whenever i find out

Hrmmm what else is there. I mean. they fuck. alot. like a lot a lot. god i love them. i just. god i love them.

and this is a thing that makes Celeste and Jubilee’s relationship kind of tense like?? Celeste doesn’t blame Jubilee for getting involved with DeLune, but she DOES blame DeLune for getting involved with Jubilee. and so

ok we’ve had this scene thought out where Celeste comes into the kitchen one morning to see Jubilee dressed in just a silk robe, hair a mess and out of it’s usual braid, leaning against the counter and drinking coffee. and they make eye contact and then that’s how Celeste gets confirmation that yes, her friend is banging her mom and I’m just over here like god fucking bless. 

honestly I’ve saved that conversation too and it makes me giggle because Jubilee just. she sees celeste and she’s like “hi!! good morning!! do you want some coffee??” and celeste is just. no nonsense like. “Jubilee. were you sleeping with someone tonight?” and jubilee makes this face and it cracks me up every time. 

and jubilee just makes the smallest “yeah” ever and celeste just. “and it was my mother, wasn’t it.” not even a question. she knows. but jubilee answers anyway, with another tiny “…yeah.” and then she just “please don’t be cross with her”

and then celeste breaks out the whiskey despite it being like. you know. breakfast. and god i love this family theyre so dysfunctional but god i love them

what else is there. they may or may not go to a small house in the countryside after everything is said and done, somewhere DeLune can make things and somewhere Jubilee can have a quiet life again. just the two of them, after DeLune gives up the reigns on the family business and god i love them. if there’s anything about them that has almost made me cry it’s this idea of them living a quiet life together, somewhere with a small workshop for DeLune and space for Jubilee and her god.

like. jennie killed me with this line:

a small little workshop, pen and paper, and a lover in her bed

…beautiful things they made together

artisan rugs are left back at a different home that she visits,sometimes, when she needs to–and besides it’s not half so beautiful as thesmile on Jubilee’s face when DeLune hand-feeds her a grape and catches atrickle of juice from the corner of her mouth with her thumb

AND OH!!!! THE PAINTING!!!!

ok so you know how jubilee paints?? she did a portrait of DeLune that she purposely left unfinished to represent that all things are a work in progress and GOD can you tell how much i love them yet they’re so good

but god, all i want is for them to be happy together. that’s all i want. i love them so much it hurts me

ok let’s get into those AUs

ok so. the aus. i made a list here of those aus but on one of them we’ve gotten real deep man

ok so. we havent gotten too deep into vampire/vampire hunter au but?? there’s some choice symbolism

i initially thought of DeLune as the vampire and Jubilee as theperson sent to kill her but they fall in love and run away together. the symbolism would be pretty choice here, DeLune representing the night (as her name means moonlight) and Jubilee with her divine connection to the sun, right

but I’vethought about it some more and the other way is also pretty choice like.

Jubilee as a prominent religious figure who had a fall from grace when shewas turned into a vampire. she fled, disgraced and outcast by the religion she had known for her whole life. and DeLune is theperson sent to hunt her down because in this au she’s probably like a goodwizard or something who knows. and so she finds this vampire and DeLune isgoing to bring her back alive, but they fall in love and run away together. but the SYMBOLISM

….Jubilee’s still a cleric of pelor, right. but now the sun burnsher and she can’t find solace in her god. but you know what light doesn’t hurt vampires?

MOONLIGHT

DeLune, symbolically the moon, giving her light and hope in a way thatdoesn’t hurt her. god i love the symbolism with these two its Good

and. then. the au we got deep in right.

crime boss au

an au where Jubilee is the new cop investigating this mob family, and falls in love with DeLune in the process.

one problem.

DeLune, unbeknownst to Jubilee, is the mob boss. she’s the leader of this crime family. she’s the head of the syndicate, and she knows that Jubilee is investigating her.

She, to her credit, tries to dissuade jubilee, tries to turn her away from her path because she knows that whatever happens, the outcome will hurt her. but Jubilee is bound and determined to make a difference, and she doesn’t heed DeLune’s advice

and Celeste shows up?? and she wants to tear this business apart to get her mom out, and her and jubilee team up because even tho jubilee doesn’t know that DeLune is the head of the mob or that Celeste is DeLune’s daughter, they have similar goals

and how does celeste find her, you ask? well. Jubilee lives in kind of a rough neighborhood, and has had her fair share of shitty things thrown at her, right. after Jubilee and DeLune started dating, all that stops.

so celeste tracks where things aren’t happening to determine where her mother has influence, and finds out that this cop is a link.

and then one day they’re working on something and Jubilee just like. stands up and starts getting ready and she’s apologizing and saying she’s late, and Celeste is like “?? late to what??” and Jubilee replies “I have a date with my girlfriend DeLune”

…and that’s how Celeste finds out just how Jubilee is linked to her mother. and god its so good bc she’s just. shocked. like. no. no this. what. 

and so eventually, in this au, Jubilee goes into somewhere undercover to try and find out more about the mob, and gets caught. she’s cornered, on the ground, surrounded by people with guns, and then there’s the clicking of heels on linoleum and there’s DeLune. and all these people who were being threatening just stop

and DeLune kind of helps her up, dusts her off, and leads her out, all in silence, with only a biting retort to one of the henchmen who protests about Jubilee knowing too much. 

and then. hoo this kills me. when theyre out of there and in the car, DeLune just says kind of quietly “Idid ask you not to dig too deep, darling.”

hooo boy that hurts me

so then DeLune takes jubilee back to her house and celeste is there so there’s a mother daughter reunion, and they go inside and jubilee almost just completely fucking loses it and she’s like “you know? if you were just a part of the syndicate i think i could’vedealt with that. but the boss?!” and then she gets real quiet for a moment and just. “how much of it was real? how much of it was you trying toget another cop in your pocket?“

and so celeste just nopes out of there and DeLune and jubilee have a long conversation where Jubilee is passive aggressive and petty to the extreme. 

like DeLune basically tells her it’s easier to deal with when Jubilee’s angry in response to Jubilee losing some of her anger and getting kind of soft over the course of the conversation. so Jubilee’s like. “she wants me to be angry? fine. i can do that”

so she kicks her out of her house

and then soon after that she goes and she takes all of her things out of DeLune’s house. and DeLune has this heartbreaking line of “If you wish very much to be so utterly removedfrom me, only say the word. I will make certain you never see me again.”

and jubilee doesn’t respond. she just leaves. because she knows in her heart she wants to mend things, but at the moment she needs to process everything that’s happening. she isn’t processing it well bc she doesn’t deal with negative emotions well but she’s trying bless her

and so Celeste and DeLune and Jubilee tear down this mafia right, and then. god i love them. so DeLune and Jubilee agree to give it another shot after another long conversation, and that they’ll meet for lunch sometime and see where it goes

and. like in canon DeLune and Celeste’s relationship is strained at best, and so this au reflects that. but in this au i get confirmation that they definitely 100% make up and that gives me Life

so yes, that’s DeLune and Jubilee. god i love them. thank you so much for asking about them, you have no idea how hard i was laughing when i got this message bc i was like “I ACTUALLY TRICKED SOMEONE INTO CARING ABOUT THESE TWO OH MY GOD” and honestly? writing this up was a delight, thank you again for asking this anon!!!

[discoabc]

Ch 4 Deleted Scene: Chinese Whispers

A/N: I was looking through all the versions of chapters I rewrote and found this one from ages ago! I deleted it for multiple reasons but I thought the game Sakura described was quite a fun idea : )

There were perks to being Ami’s self-proclaimed friend that began to make up for the irritating fact that I had to interact with her, a child and, worse, a child bully. She was the kind of girl I would’ve have avoided like the plague when I was mentally her age, too humiliated by her stupid, immature insults to ever stand up for myself. I imagined the original Sakura would’ve gagged at the sight of me sitting with her to eat lunch.

But it meant I didn’t have to ever worry about accidentally having any of the rookie nine attach themselves to me. Ami was fairly disliked by a lot of my classmates, especially the smarter ones who could see how awful she could be. Apparently, her random insulting of me hadn’t been by chance, she’d in fact been going around to those who hadn’t found a group of friends yet or people she considered below her and just reeled off the remarks meant to hurt.

Luckily, she’d yet to have fired off her mouth at Hinata when she had decided we were friends and I’d managed to discourage her from saying anything to the Hyuga heiress. Hinata was as sweet as she was shy, and I felt often a painful kind of second-hand anxiety for the girl. Bullying at school was the last thing she wanted considering her life at home wasn’t free from carefully aimed insults.

Aside from being able to avoid those I wanted to avoid and carefully point the gun of Aimi’s sneers away from those who didn’t deserve it in the slightest, the girl came in useful as we were made often by Iruka to work in groups. I hadn’t exactly dreaded not being able to find a group accepting of me joining them, but it made things simpler when Ami included me without thinking, glaring at anyone who suggested I wasn’t welcome in her clique.

It took a little while for me to stop her trying to get me to sit beside her in lesson rather than the bench behind the girl though. I wanted to concentrate during class, or at least give off the impression that I was so Iruka didn’t pencil me down as a problem child. Usually I didn’t have to feign interest, although often not because of the actual topic being discussed but the implications of it.

We had the ninja rules shoved down our throat fairly early on and were reminded of them daily. Sometimes we had tests on them just to see if we remembered what they were, and those were the tests I realized fairly quickly weren’t ones for me to pretend I didn’t know them as well as I did. The average for them was one hundred percent starting front the third week. Even Naruto could recite most of them by then (if with slightly different wording that is).

The speed at which we were indoctrinated into the system was almost terrifying. Our pride in our village was also inflated quickly through very biased tales of our previous Hokages and other well-known ninjas alongside much repetition of the importance of the Will of Fire. The love for Konoha was drilled into us so much that eventually it became easy to think you’d always thought so highly of your home and were more than prepared to protect it with a patriotic zeal!

As someone who refused any attempt at this child-friendly brainwashing, it was morbidly fascinating to watch as my classmates, who previously hadn’t cared that much about Konoha as a whole, began to mention their love for our village more frequently and have it stay at the forefront of their minds.

Aside from the ninja code being engraved into our brains and artificial emotions being grown in us, we learnt the barest basics of maths and even then only things that would be useful to us as ninja. Instead of studying books for literature and language classes, we were taught about simple codes and the Konoha sign language alongside other general signs that even civilians might know due to their literal nature. Games my classmates assumed were for fun breaks between lessons were in fact exercises meant to improve our teamwork and intelligence gathering skills.

A favourite game of mine was a strange version of Chinese Whispers. The main goal was to get the message from the informant to Iruka, who took the role of the Hokage. A handful of people however were chosen to be the spies and enemy ninja whose aim was to change the message so no useful information would be passed on. The informant couldn’t directly pass on the message to the Hokage and could only say it three times to three different people. Likewise, everyone playing the game was restricted to whispering the information into someone’s ear at most three times, although it could be to the same person. The last person who was able to speak after the information had been tossed around the entire class was the one who told the Hokage the message. The final twist was that, if rightly accused, the enemy ninja was removed from the game and no longer allowed to play. But accuse wrongly and you and the innocent accused were removed.

As soon as the rules were ingrained in our minds, the game became increasingly complex. People would start trying to catch out the enemies by lying themselves, silent alliances were built between people, and spies would start accusing innocent classmates to throw off the suspicion placed on their allies that they were visibly communicating with. Sign language was technically cheating but we all started making our own specific signs. Iruka would catch on after a while and we’d be forced to stop only to start up new signals.

I loved it with surprising fierceness. Perhaps it was because it was one of the few times I didn’t have to act completely average. It was such a complex game that any genius move I implemented could easily be discounted as luck or even not ever be noticed. I had fun playing it.

Fun, as long as Naruto wasn’t ruining the game. Since a lot of our classmates were now obviously ignoring him, he’d taken up his infuriating class clown role. That meant sometimes whispering purposefully loud so everyone could hear. Other times he would change the message into an insult about Iruka and get us all into trouble when the message was spoken at the end. At first even I found it a little funny. Now it was just a hindrance to the one thing I really enjoyed.

For god’s sake Naruto, I am trying to tell Iruka that we must move now to save a small village we trade with before our enemies burn it down and kill all men, women and children, would you just piss off?!

Our PE classes weren’t as rigorous as I’d thought they’d be. Since we were still in young, fragile bodies, sparring wasn’t allowed until next year (which would be such a different time, I thought whilst internally rolling my eyes). Sharp weaponry couldn’t be touched for a whole eighteen months too, and we certainly wouldn’t be learning how to use any explosive tags or smoke bombs until we were nine or so. So instead we did the extreme basics. Our hand-eye coordination was improved by throwing games, at first using balls and later more strangely shaped objects. We ran increasingly longer distances to improve our stamina. Climbing walls and scaling trees without our chakra was a must.

It became a more intense lesson when everyone started enhancing their limbs with more chakra unconsciously to keep up with our training. My awareness of my chakra became a hindrance as I had to concentrate it to specific parts of my body, not too much so I was moving way faster than my peers but not too little so I lagged behind. PE became a class of physical and mental exhaustion.

[glopratchet]

govenment

There used to be many kingdoms and empires on this continent before they were all destroyed in a cataclysmic event known as the Great Catastrophe The history of the area has been largely forgotten by most people, but there are still some things that have changed over time Ectropia is a fantasy world, but it's not an entirely realistic one General fantasy worldbuilding outline for Ectropia and the Republic of Rust: In the time of the democracies of Ectropia and the Republic of Rust magic was widely practiced throughout the land However, after the cataclysm, magic became outlawed across the entire continent It wasn't until several decades later when a group of mages escaped from their prison and founded a new nation called "The Eternal Dominion" This nation was formed to protect the remaining magical knowledge in existence so that its use would never again become restricted or prohibited In the time of the democracies of Ectropia and the Republic of Rust, When would Ectropia trade with the Republic of Rust set during? For this immersion, you can set it at anytime during the Great Klytonian War or the Battle for Velista This is also around the time when Ectropia starts to build a large navy in self defense of any other potential naval invasion How would Ectropia go about defending against an invasion in general? Ectropia will likely have to fill a lot of their army with conscription When would Ectropia trade with the Republic of Rust set during? Ectropia relates the Republic of Rust because Both nations believe in the concepts of small limited government and maximum individual freedom that is allowed under said government Ectropia relates the Republic of Rust because… Ectropia felt that the Republic of Rust was becoming much too oppressive, which is another reason it tried one last peaceful embassy Because of this aspect, this immersion really should be about incorruptible lawmen that put their duty above everything else, especially their own comfort or desires in life Ectropia felt that the Republic of Rust was becoming much too oppressive, The Republic of Rust responded by cutting off all contact with Ectropia and began a barrage of hostile words and slander against them in the newspaper Meanwhile, they pass a conscription act, where all males have to register for military duty and those who aren't registered are hunted down as deserters The idea is that you're part of an elite group of lawmen given the duty of hunting down deserters in the Republic of Rust The Republic of Rust responded by cutting off all contact with Ectropia and began a barrage of hostile words and slander against them in the newspaper Soon after Ectropia knew that it was impossible to appeal to the Republic of Rust's sense of reason anymore, as all ambassadors and negotiators have been executed as spies Decrees go out that the conscription is being extended to all males from the ages of 15-45, regardless of health or wealth Soon after Ectropia knew that it was impossible to appeal to the Republic of Rust's sense of reason anymore, The Republic of Rust finally declares war on Ectropia by sending the 8th Brigade ; (consisting of about 4, 000 men) across the border in a town in eastern Ectropia initially known as Fort Creline now renamed Concord Ectropian outposts and patrols are warned to fall back before the bulk of the invasion force reaches their current positions as to avoid total destruction Many make it, while others are overrun with a few engaging in last stands to give their brethren time to escape The Republic of Rust finally declares war on Ectropia by sending the 8th Brigade ; Because of this event the emotions could be summed up best between Ectropia and the Republic of Rust as that of pure hatred With the recent invasion of illegal troops, Ectropia has shown that they mean business and will not tolerate lawlessness With this firm stance against a major threat, morale skyrockets across the nation Military recruiting centers are literally running out of forms due to having to write down so many applicants Ectropia is no longer accepting volunteers, but instead taken those who have been drafted into service with its mandatory draft that was passed several months ago Because of this event the emotions could be summed up best between Ectropia and the Republic of Rust as that of pure hatred The trade language between Ectropia and the Republic of Rust sounded like two groups of people literally talking about each other with hatred A battle is fought shortly after this last one for the town of Mesa, where both sides refuse to give even an inch of ground and blood is shed for a two day stand off before the republic army launches an attack to take it The trade language between Ectropia and the Republic of Rust sounded like two groups of people literally talking about each other with hatred From Ectropia , the Republic of Rust imported hairs and much of the food and other resources The main idea is that if the Republic of Rust was to fall, Ectropia's economy would soon follow suit on a much smaller scale The town of Fort Creline has changed its name back to its original title of Concord And thus begins the conflict that is now known as the Great War the Republic of Rust imported hairs and much of the food and other resources When would the importance of hairs to Ectropia when compare the same variety under the control of the Republic of Rust authorities That remains to be seen When would the importance of hairs to Ectropia when compare the same variety under the control of the Republic of Rust authorities? The currency exchange for hairs is handled between Ectropia and the Republic of Rust by transporting bags of coins under tight security across the borders of both nations One such transfer was recently performed And Republic of Rust officials were horrified to find that they'd been cheated out of ten-thousand hairs! (Which had roughly a five to six thousand hair coverage of their rare species in that region ) The most baffling part about this is Ectropia and the Republic of Rust have a strict "We don't do business with each other anymore" The currency exchange for hairs is handled between Ectropia and the Republic of Rust by transporting bags of coins under tight security across the borders of both nations The person responsible is considered to be a very high-profile criminal in both nations and treated as such As officials from both sides of the conflict want to handle this internally, but war has yet to break out over the scandal Both nations involved scrambled to explain why they'd where gave up so much territory over the years instead of putting up a fight Both sides blamed each other for bleeding off strategic resources in order to gain leverage during future negotiations The person responsible is considered to be a very high-profile criminal in both nations and treated as such The Republic of Rust settled in there territories in spite for For the citizens of Ectropia , life has changed as they have to deal with greater security when traveling The sudden shift of military enlistment has resulted in both a higher rate of volunteers and draftees This has led to a massive increase in funding for weapons research and development and equipped the government with up to date technology on the battlefield which meant fighting an entrenched enemy with new tanks guns, fighter jets, and exoskeletons over the course of three years life has changed as they have to deal with greater security when traveling When you compare the past for the Republic of Rust a historian would record that it had a decade of crisis from decades of war, but what he really means in the big picture is that there where hard fought victories on multiple fronts being slowly grinded down on all sides by the human need for resources over the idealistic goals of world diplomacy The republic collapse only took ten years, but it seemed like overnight Though the new war front put a stop to that as everyone's wartime enemy suddenly became immigrants themselves within their territory When you compare the past for the Republic of Rust a historian would record that it had a decade of crisis from decades of war, The official attitudes Ectropia by the Republic of Rust affects commerce and trade opportunities even today Although the brass appreciated your service, upon your honorable discharge from the war you returned to your community college with plans to finish a degree and start an new life as some once suggested to you "After all you have nobody to impress there The official attitudes Ectropia by the Republic of Rust affects commerce and trade opportunities even today You always swore though to throw away any illegal war loot in future On the borders of Ectropia customs inspectors pay you a visit now and then One day they came through to check the status of one of your bags and found a collection of rare coins from the Republic of Rust worth hundreds of hairs, you where then immediately drafted back into service Being patriotic is one thing, but crimes of monetary greed were a different story so you complied without complaint Future being the operative word here On the borders of Ectropia customs inspectors pay you a visit now and then The government of Ectropia regulates what back hair is spent on what Spending it all on amusement led to a boom of entertainment companies who catered to every whim From home cooked meals at one's door step Ectopurians could order anything imaginable From the latest in 3D movies, to exotic foods and sexual companions If something existed that you wanted then the government made sure it was accessible to all with Ectos

[socialattractionuk]

Approach Anxiety Cured In Three Simple Steps

You can find the original article at http://www.socialattraction.co.uk Connect with us Google+

So, how exactly do we cure approach anxiety? Well, first of all, approach anxiety is a fear of approaching women. And arguably, this fear is almost as bad or, if not, as bad as the fear of public speaking.

So, I’m going to share three funny stories from the training courses that I’ve hosted over the years, and off the back of the stories, you will be able to work out what strategies I implemented to help my clients overcome approach anxiety.

And what this means is that, subtly, you will also understand ways that can work for you. I always believe in the power of influence rather than just directly telling you what to do. I always feel like stories are just a much better way of implementing things into your life. So, let’s begin with the first one, which is about an investment banker who came to one of my training courses.

So, we were in central London and we went to Trafalgar Square. This was about four years ago when we used to do training courses, taking people out onto the street and help them overcome approach anxiety.

Now, in this situation, this guy was extremely wealthy, lived offshore and very, very confident, wore a really nice suit, nice watch, nice shoes, good haircut, good style, looked like the real deal. I always find it interesting when people come to my training courses where they just appear so confident on the outside and then the reasons why they booked onto one of my courses become apparent. So, we headed down to Trafalgar Square, which is a really good place of practising speaking to people. And as usual, we run through the normal procedure, get to know each other. And when we arrive there, I just asked him to ask someone to take a photograph of him.

So, I said, “Just just go and ask that guy to take a photo,” and he said, “No, no, I can’t do that.” And I said, “You’re in a tourist area. Just ask someone to take a photo of you.” And he said, “No, no, no. No, no. No. I can’t do that. I can’t do that.” And it was such a paradigm shift for me in the way that I viewed this guy that I couldn’t help but start laughing, and it’s the first time I’d really lost my professional air of wisdom on training courses because I’ve seen everything so many different times. But in this situation, I just found it funny and I couldn’t help myself. I started laughing, and he was saying, “You’re not taking this seriously,” and I couldn’t help but start laughing. And the interesting thing was that his fear wasn’t as bad as how funny I found the situation.

So, after a few seconds, he kind of loosened up and began to start laughing and he could see the funny side of what was going on. And I said to him, “Listen, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just the situation is amusing.” And I said to him, “Look, what we can do, if you can’t even ask someone to a photograph of you,” which there are many people that can’t actually do that and most people think approach anxiety’s about actually physically starting a conversation and continuing it. It’s not. Approach anxiety is just the fear. And what we did is I just said to him, “Well, are you happy getting close to someone just within a metre and a half of them?” And he said, “Yeah, I am.”

This is known as getting proximity and it’s probably the first step for a lot of people in overcoming their fear, and it’s really simple.

You just break it down to the simplest step. What’s the first step of speaking to someone? Well, really, you have to get close enough to speak to them. Once you’re close enough, you can then start a conversation. So, getting physically close to someone is a really good first step. Now, if you’re listening to this and you think to yourself, “Well, I can’t even get physically close to someone,” the step before that is to imagine it.

So, as you listen to this, if you just imagine yourself physically getting close to someone. And by physically getting close, I mean close enough to start a conversation. You don’t want to get too close to someone, but about a metre, metre and a half away is great. Some ways in which you can do this, as you walk into a cafe or bar, most guys that see attractive women tend to rush onto the other side of the bar and then go, “Right, how do we go about doing this?” And that’s just going to make your anxiety worse.

So, the easiest thing that you can do is just to physically go and get close to someone. And when you walk in, if there’s a chair near someone that you find attractive, just go and sit in that chair, and that’s a great first step in overcoming your fear of starting a conversation with women. Now, onto my second story, which is about a Russian girl when I was hosting a training course in Bucharest.

Now, I did a European tour, which was… I took my clients to three different cities over a three-month period over the summer period in the UK, and it was marvellous. It was such good fun. It was just great team-building and just a wonderful experience.

Here’s what happened. It was quite amusing. I arrived in Bucharest before everyone else because I’d never been to a foreign city and hosted a training course. Now, I assumed within a couple of days, it would be no problem. I would be thinking, “This will just be the same as what it is in the UK.” And what I found after a day is that it was a million times harder. Not only was the level of English lower than what I was expecting in a Western country, the people that lived there were very unreceptive to even asking directions or where things are, even though you were tourists.

So, this was a very difficult situation I found myself in because I now was beginning to feel anxiety about approaching people, and I found myself in a situation where the clock was ticking. And the following day, I was hosting my training course on how to do it. So, I won’t reveal how I overcame the issue that day, but what I will do is follow up with a story of one of my clients the next day.

And he’s someone who was about 25 years old, quite an energetic individual. And what I decided to do with him was to energise him to get him into a really high-end physical state, and the reason why you do this is because if you feel good about yourself, you’re going to have a really strong aura. And my belief is that if your aura is stronger than the person that you’re speaking to, then your frame will eventually come across. So, what we did, I taught him something called power posing.

Now, power posing is when you pull a pose with your body like you’ve won the hundred-metre sprint, or you’ve won the Olympics, or you’ve just scored a goal in a local football game. It’s almost like a celebratory pose, the idea being that you pull the pose as a champion and your mind energises itself.

So, what I did is I taught him about power posing. And the very first girl that he approached was a Russian girl who was on holiday in Bucharest, and he spent the next three days with her, which was interesting because, in my head, the course was going to go different to that. I was going to take them through step-by-step processes of energising yourself this way, this is a different way of doing it. And low and behold, the very first approach that he did made him have the ability to spend time with someone immediately.

I mean, this guy had done some courses with me in the UK anyway, so he was a very good communicator with women anyway. So, it was transferring that over to a different city, and that’s something interesting as well. Getting out of your comfort zone, if you think you’re good in any area of your life, push it further. Go to a different country and see how good you are over there. That’s an interesting facet of my life over the past five, six, seven years of coaching this in multiple places.

And the last thing I wanted to talk about was a story about a client of mine who came over from New Zealand and he was really laid back. I actually really like this guy. He was cool, calm, collected, but there was no rushing him. I mean, there’s no way this guy was rushing to talk to anyone. It was just… Unless someone was static or walking slower than him, which was quite unlikely, he just wasn’t going to start a conversation with someone, but he still had anxiety.

What I realised was that we’re not going to be able to energise this guy’s body because he’s just not that type of guy. He’s too laid back. So, what we did, we came up with the personal mantra.

Now, if you imagine a power pose energises your body, what a personal mantra does, it energises your mind. And what I wanted to do with this guy was to enable him to just get rid of his anxiety. And what we find with approach anxiety is that you’ve got a two to three-second window before it hits you. So, if you can do something within that two to three-second window, you can prevent the fear from coming up in the first place. And so what we did, we came up with a mantra, and as you’re listening to this, you can come up with your own if you just answer the following question.

“If I was holding a gun to your head and you had three seconds to give your only son one piece of positive advice, what would it be?”

And as you can imagine, multiple answers can come to you. A few good ones, “Just do it”, which is obviously the Nike slogan. Just do it, anything positive. Now, what this is, this is your own personal mantra. Whatever it is that you’ve got, you can also use a mantra of one of your icons in life. If you can imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger is telling you, “You can do it,” then obviously that’s also very powerful, but the aim is to have some positive words you can say to yourself as soon as you see an attractive girl.

What happened with this guy from New Zealand is that when I taught him about a personal mantra, he literally went from having anxiety to none whatsoever. He was a smart guy, anyway. So, just giving him one basic tool that worked was fantastic. So, this guy went from having severe anxiety to none, and all you did was have a personal mantra, which was something like, “You can do it.”

And from that point on, although he wasn’t going to be energised, at least he was relaxed with no fear. And what I’ve done during this episode is just explained three different ways through three of the stories from my training courses on how you can overcome approach anxiety. If we just wanted to be on the nose with all of them, very simple. Number one is called getting proximity, and that just means simplify the process, go and get close to someone.

When you feel comfortable with just getting close to people, you can then start a conversation. But with approach anxiety, it really is just a case of getting physically close enough to someone to start conversation and that will really help. The second one was to energise your body through power posing, and that’s going to put you in a great mental state. And the final one was to energise your mind through a personal mantra.

Now, all of these have one thing in common. Ideally, you’d like to do them in the first two to three seconds of seeing someone who you find attractive, because the way that our minds work, we have a two or three second grace period before the fear sets in. So, anyone of these three is going to be extremely powerful if you’re able to implement it into your life.

  Listen to The Gary Gunn Show Podcast #111 – Approach Anxiety Cured In Three Simple Steps



  Want to overcome your approach anxiety? – View our upcoming courses here

[samtheflamingomain]

I. DECLARE... BANKRUPTCYYYYY!!!

I’m bankrupt.

Literally. Not in the Michael Scott sense of just screaming “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!” to my coworkers.

I sat down with a lawyer, and he poured through my shit. How much to I make, how much do I pay in taxes, what are my debts, etc.

I met with him last week, where he gave me a run-down of everything. Then we met today and signed the paperwork and made everything official.

Last week, he actually began by saying, “Let’s start with a credit check. It only works about 60% of the time -” immediately I’m like “Okay so I’m definitely in that other 40% cuz I have shit luck.” “But it’s a start. If it doesn’t go through, we have other options.”

Astoundingly, it went through.

Anyway, he quickly picked up on the fact that I’m a smart person, so he didn’t bother dumbing shit down for me. He said this: “Generally, people with insurmountable debt have 5 choices:

“1. Continue as is. Start there. Is there anything you can do to pay down your debt in a reasonable way? If not, go to number 2." I did.

“2. Ignore it. Don’t pay anything toward your debt. Wait for them to garnish your wages. Let your credit score sink. Obviously, nobody likes this option." Indeed I did not.

“3. Take out a loan from a bank and consolidate your debt into one payment. This makes absolutely 0 sense for you because you literally only have one debt: your personal credit card.

“4. Consumer Proposal. This is when you say to the bank, ‘I know I owe you 10 grand, but what if we settled on like 6 grand, and I’ll pay you $200/month toward that, over several years?’ This is a good option for some people - people with homes and cars and shit they want to keep. You own nothing. You don’t have assets that the bank could take.

“Which leads us to #5. Bankruptcy. This is optimal for people like yourself whom own nothing and thus have nothing to lose. You make poverty wages, so this is a very open-and-shut case." I'm paraphrasing; he did give me the option of the Consumer Proposal, but it just doesn't make sense.

He boiled it down to this: "You're still young. You have time to rebuild your credit score after a bankruptcy. You will lose nothing but $200 a month for 9 months. My paycheck comes out of that. Obviously no credit cards for a while - at least a year - but that and a bad credit score for a few years is all that you stand to lose."

So I agreed. And today I signed a million forms and shook the lawyer's hand and just like that... $10,000 of debt... disappeared.

I'm not sure how I feel just yet. On one hand, this debt has been looming over my head for YEARS. Probably like 1/3 of my life. The fact that it (more or less) is now completely absent from my life (I was paying more than $500/month TOWARD my credit card before, so $200/month is a downright bargain) it... well, it hasn't settled in yet.

I'm used to being strapped for cash because I'd put money toward my debt and then run out of money and put shit ON my credit card before payday. But as of today, after paying rent, I literally have $700 in my bank account. That has never happened before, because if I had $700 in my bank account, I'd but $400 toward my credit card ASAP.

But... I don't need to. I put $400 into a savings account instead. I used to try to use it when I was younger, but once I lost my entire family and became 100% independent, that savings account became nothing but a cruel joke when I logged into online banking. 2 accounts: Checking, with about 3 fucking dollars in it. And your ~savings account~ that's been accumulating nothing but dust for 6 years. Which one do you want to view~?

On another hand (how many am I at now?) I've never *not* had a credit card as an adult. Never. I got my first and only credit card when I was 16 because I was about to go on an exchange program in France and my parents wanted me to have a fallback in case my debit card didn't work there (spoiler alert: it didn't. It was 2011, so maybe things have changed, but in the rural farm community I lived at? It was cash or credit for me. And the nearest bank was an hour away, literally. So thank God they did get me that card.)

After 4 months in France, I'd put about $700 on my credit card. But my parents gave me $500 for my birthday to spend in France, so I paid that, and they paid the rest when I got home.

I didn't need to use my card again till university. I had expenses and no income, so my parents paid it off, usually just $100 a month or so, groceries, transit, etc.

I had about $1100 worth of debt when I became homeless. This was because my parents, before they kicked me out of their house, allowed me to furnish the basement of said house as if it were my own apartment. So I bought a futon, a coffee table, a few things here and there.

Then they kicked me out, and I literally couldn't afford to move any of those pieces of furniture out of the house. So that pissed me right off.

Anyway. After 3 months of homelessness, I'd turned $1100 into $2500. Then I got a place, got settled...

And then my cat got very, very sick. And it only cost me $1000, but at the time, my limit was 3500. I was in tears at the vet's office when they gave me the bill. I literally stood in front of several people and burst into tears. (The original bill was $1200, but I told them my credit limit and they made an exception, thank fuck.)

Then I got a limit increase. $12,000!

Then... my computer died.

Before I go into it, let me make one thing clear: I'm not ashamed of the fact that I require a decent-quality computer. I will use a fucking flip phone, and I would watch TV on a fuckin' 30-incher, but I *need* a good computer into to enjoy my life. It's my Center of Operations for everything creative and informational in my life. I use it to its fullest every single day. 

So I turned $3500 into $5000.

That was my last major expense, in late 2017. So how have I doubled that in just 2 years?

Well, here's a list of things I HAVE to put on my credit card: my phone bill ($50), and therapy ($60, twice a month). That's $170. So do that for 2 years, that's 4 grand.

But I've been putting money toward that amount for 2 years as well, and I've never missed a payment. In fact, I've never made a payment that wasn't at least DOUBLE the MINIMUM payment.

I bought a Switch this year, and I had to buy THREE FUCKING COFFEE MAKERS in the last THREE MONTHS, that's $200. Other than that... alcoholism. And weed. Lots of weed.

To bring this absolute fucking novel to a close: the future. That's a big focus of the bankruptcy process. There's 3 things you have to do: pay (200$/m for 9 months), meet with the lawyer twice, and fill out a budget every month.

Obviously the purpose of the budgets and the meetings are to fix where you dun fucked up and how to get better. But here's the thing...

There was this form that I had to sign that included the "reason I was so in debt and couldn't pay it back". The lawyer had typed in that field "I was homeless for a period of time and haven't been able to pay off that debt and its subsequent accumulation". He's like "I don't think you have a budgeting problem, I think you just had so much debt that it consumed most of your income." And that's true.

But. I don't want to come to him in November and show him that I spent $400 on alcohol and $200 on weed. He literally said, "However you spend your money doesn't matter [re:bankruptcy], we just want to see if there's a way to help you budget better to avoid future debt."

And I think, if I don't have to pay $500 toward my credit card every month, I have little incentive to spend less on alcohol and weed.

But, and I'm sorry this is so fucking long, this is my last point I promise, I've made myself a deal.

Instead of paying that extra money toward my debt, I'm saving it. I want this to be a real, true new start, in every way.

So instead of spending that excess money on alcohol and weed, it's going into that savings account. For a tattoo. That I'm going to design myself. I fucking love tattoos, but I've been so broke the last few years that it's been a hot minute since I've gotten one that I didn't do myself (I have a tattoo gun, they actually look pretty decent).

The lawyer said this as well: "You can have as many savings accounts as you want with your bank. Make one for each thing you're saving toward. 'Vacation', 'Games', anything."

Well I don't have a passport and I don't need a new console, but if I could save even a few hundred bucks toward a new tattoo? Sign me up. So I did.

I want a full, detailed sleeve on my right arm. That'll be at *least* 2 grand. But I can do it. That's my goal. That's me, thinking of the future in the only way I can.

I can't imagine anyone has stayed with me this long but if you have, well Stay Greater, Flamingo. PS: Just an interesting and kinda funny thing. One of the forms I had to sign off on said that, if I were to win the lottery/inheret a large sum of money in the next year, I’d have to pay off all my debts with it. I don’t know why but I just find that absolutely hilarious that they bothered to make up a document in case such a thing were to happen.

[adambstingus]

12 Former Porn Addicts Describe The Pitfalls Of A Serious Online Sex Habit

2. THE FATHER WHO KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF AN ADDICTION TO PORN

Within a fairly short period of time, I found myself watching up to eight hours of pornography a day, every day.It wasnt unusual for me to be on a business trip and stay up until 3 or 4AM watching porn, knowing full well that I had an 8AM meeting the next morning where I was making a presentation to sell multi-million dollar software to corporate directors.I was thinking seriously about walking over to the Wal-Mart not too far from where I lived, buying a gun, sticking it in my mouth and pulling the trigger. It was when I started thinking about writing a suicide note to my boysthat, thank God, is when I woke up. I decided that it wasnt the legacy I was going to leave to my kids: the father who killed himself because of an addiction to porn.

3. THE FACT I WAS AROUSED BY SHIT AND ANIMAL PORN MEANT I HAD BRAIN DAMAGE

Since age 19, I’ve been completely unable to control my use of pornography on the Internet, my compulsive masturbation, my driving need to seduce women, and in recent years my nasty habit of spending hundreds of dollars a night in strip clubs, not so much making it rain as shamefully shoveling a wad of 20s at a stripper before scuttling away.My therapist said the fact I was aroused by shit and animal porn meant I had brain damage, simple as that. His conclusion took a couple of days to sink in. Essentially, the part of my mind responsible for rational decision-making has been overridden by a huge desire for more pleasure chemicals, and I do stupid, dangerous things to get those chemicals no matter the consequences. That’s addiction.

4. I AM A RECOVERING PORN ADDICT; I AM ALSO A 25-YEAR-OLD WOMAN

I am a recovering porn addict. I am also a 25-year-old woman.I watched and masturbated to movies in the “Girlvert” and “Meatholes” series, where the obvious goal was to humiliate and degrade the women involved. The disturbing thing was that I had been performing in porn for a few years myself by then, and I knew exactly the sort of cruelty, abuse and exploitation that went on behind the scenes. Yet I still watched and got off to these horribly violent and misogynist forms of pornography.

6. I WAS LYING TO PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING

It was starting to take up large chunks of my time; I was lying to people about what I was doing in my spare time. I’d stay up viewing all night and go to work on an hour’s sleep; it was affecting my productivity, my health, my relationships and friendships. There were times I didn’t turn up to people’s parties or I wouldn’t go out, because I’d been viewing all day, or I’d think, I’ll just view one more thing before I leave. It’s a bit like when someone goes into a casino and they lose track of time and then they realize they’ve been in there for a day.

7. Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions

Like millions of other well-functioning married men with issues, I turned to pornography. For several years I wanked myself stupid. Time and space was filled with horniness beyond my wildest dreams. Time that might otherwise have been used to be creative, productive, or even just plain bored got devoured by lust. In any moment where there was a desire for some escape from life I scored some porn.I hated porn. I couldnt sniff her, worship her or probe the beauty of her being. I couldnt feel her essence bathing my wounded masculinity to wholeness.But for me, porn somehow replaced the real thing. It was just, well, easier. Neurosis-free women.Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions. Small men everywhere, who would rather not deal with the truth that women have for them, can go get a fill of female energy, have a beer, then get on with their day. Men, what is happening to us?

8. MY HEART WOULD THUMP WITH A MIX OF THRILL AND SHAME

I would sneak downstairs to the family computer once the house was dark. As I would settle into the polyester-cotton seat of the swivel chair and open a browser, my heart would thump with a mix of thrill and shame, my ears perked for any reason to abort my missionzip, pull and dart with an excuse ready about checking the weather for tomorrow.It was an addicts high, a high-stakes heist for sexual pleasurean association that would not soon recede in my primal brain.I found myself rapidly desensitized to online images. If a threesome was kinky last week, then Id need something wilder this week. To reach climax, I had to find that same toxic mix of shame and lust.It was a dissociative, alienating, almost inhuman task to close my eyes while having sex with someone I really cared about and imagine having sex with someone else or recall a deviant video from the archives of my youth that I was ashamed of even then.

9. THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

One day I was watching pornography in my car, when I realized that I was late for my test. I closed my laptop and ran off. When I came back I found my car broken into, and my laptop gone. That evening my friend and I went to a strip club to help me feel better. My friend soon got tired and wanted to go home, but I couldnt get myself to walk away. Observing the consequences of my actions and my inability to walk away forced me to suspect that may be there was something was wrong with me after all.

10. IT HAS AFFECTED MY ERECTIONS

I was 15 when I started watching porn after my parents bought me a laptop. I did what pretty much any teenage boy does and look up porn websites. It became an everyday thing very quickly. I was watching porn for two hours a day.I found a website dedicated to porn addiction and I felt like I had an epiphany. I felt like I wasn’t alone any more. I did 100 days of porn abstinence and masturbation abstinence. It’s exactly like going cold turkey. The first two weeks were pretty awful with lots of mood swings. It was rough, it was really rough. There were sleepless nights. There were nights where I’d wake up in cold sweats. I’ve been able to get back to my routines and I’ve been OK but it has affected my erections. When I’m with a woman I’ve noticed it’s softer down there and I’m not as excited.I couldn’t get erections anymore with real women when I tried because I’d watched so much porn.

11. I HAD TERRIBLE WITHDRAWALS

I was 15 when I first masturbated to online porn. The high I got was immense, and it lasted about 30 minutes. At that point in my life I’d been feeling really low, and had been for about seven years. But, for the first time, I didn’t feel depressed at alleverything lifted. It made me want to do it again, and againso I did, until I was watching online porn every day.Eventually, I became desensitized to ‘vanilla’ guy-on-girl pornit simply didn’t turn me onso I sought out more extreme porn to shock my system into being aroused again. For the same reason, sex with real women was pretty much impossible. I didn’t link it to my porn addictionbecause I didn’t know I had one. I just thought there was something inherently wrong with me, which made me feel more low.I went cold turkey on porn. I had terrible withdrawals. My hands shook and I had awful mood swings, vivid nightmares and hot and cold sweats.

12. YOU NAME A GENRE, AND I WAS PROBABLY INTO IT AT ONE POINT

You name a genre, and I was probably into it at some point. Things that would have disgusted me one month I relied on the next to get me excited. The process Ive described above is well-known to addiction psychologists and therapists and is called desensitization.Excessive abuse over extended periods of time can lead to decreased libido, erectile dysfunction and impotence. In my case, the warning signs were there. I felt terrible after a session browsing the dark side of the neta mixture of shame, disgust, dissatisfaction, depression. I realized I could bring myself literally to the brink of orgasm solely with visual stimulationwithout using my hands at all. The encounters I had with women felt somehow disappointing. Sexually I felt a bit dead, occasionally I failed to maintain an erection. Desensitization is an apt word, because years of beating my meat to porn left my penis less sensitive to touch. I blamed it on condoms, on performance anxiety, on alcohol, on being out of shape, but finally, I realized the truth: porn.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/12-former-porn-addicts-describe-the-pitfalls-of-a-serious-online-sex-habit/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/183392592447