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amhrosina · 2 years ago

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Peace (Matt Murdock x Reader)

MASTERLIST // TAG LIST REQUEST FORM

A/N: This is probably my favorite request I’ve ever received! There’s just something about Matt Murdock & Taylor Swift that go together. I cried like three times writing this I JUST WANT MATT TO FEEL SAFE AND LOVED! Thank you, @messymissy for requesting! <3

Requests are open!

Request: heii!! May i request a story with Matt Murdock based on Taylor Swift's song called 'Peace'. Thank youu love 💕

Summary: A glimpse into your relationship with Matt, who believes you are too good for his love. It takes place over the course of one night, after Matt comes home with an excessive number of injuries and a newfound hatred of himself. Matt’s POV all played out over Taylor Swift's song 'Peace'.

(Warnings: HEAVY angst, Matty lets his guilt overwhelm him, sOFT!Matt Murdock, one line about smut maybe???, matt calliing reader 'petal' again because i didn't get enough of it the first time, im so sorry about this)

Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly the summer, it's clear I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

Matt Murdock was irrevocably in love with you – this was a fact, and yet, he still had trouble wrapping his head around the idea that you could feel the same way about him. It was a terrifying idea, that someone so whole and angelic could commit themselves to him – dangerous, reckless, broken.

It was a fight he antagonized from you often, too often, these days. He thought if you could see his flaws, stare them in the face and gawk at his broken, aching soul, you’d realize your mistake in loving him. You never did, though.

His knees rested on the soft carpet. Tears stained his cheeks as he listened to your stuttering breaths. Your fingers were like ice on his skin as you pulled the mask off his head and gently set it down next to him. The mask was in one piece, but he couldn’t say the same about the rest of his outfit. The tangy scent of blood overpowered his senses, and he was having trouble focusing on where you were in the apartment.

A cold hand on his cheek had him gasping for oxygen, but he leaned into it, chasing the reprieve the chill brought him. He was on fire, skin burning with the beginning of infection. A dull ache had replaced anything he could physically feel a long time ago, and the only thing he could think of to describe the pain was a weariness of his bones. Aching, bruised, bloody, broken. He was tired, and all he wanted to do was send you away from his angry, bleeding soul.

But you knew who Matt was when you let yourself fall in love with him. You knew what loving someone like Matt meant. He focused on the pressure of your fingers poking and prodding around his body as his senses began to return to him. The ‘world on fire’ allegory that he used to describe his sight felt insubstantial when it came to you. It didn’t fit the warmth he felt when you were near, or the calm hum that would overcome his body when you ran your soft hands over his skin.

A world on fire? No, more like a warm cabin, heated by a crackling fire, soft hues of oranges and yellows painting the walls. The smell of cinnamon wafting from the kitchen, the dizzying hum of a record player in another room.

Your hands, now warmed by Matt’s scorching skin, ran light circles over his chest, pulling his brain back to reality and out of the hazy fog he had fallen into as you worked on his injuries.

He gripped your wrist, pulling your fingers to his lips. His soft kisses were apologies in their own right. I’m sorry I keep coming home bloody. I’m sorry you have to be the one to make me whole every night. I’m sorry if I’m not enough for you. I’m sorry that you have to love a monster like me, but please don’t leave me.

Your fingers swiped under his closed eyes, wiping the tears that had gathered there. The achingly gentle kisses you placed on his eyelids broke his heart. I love you. I’ll never leave you. You are my safe place, Matty.

But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Your hands grip Matt’s waist as he steps into the warm stream of water. A sigh passes through his lips, and he leans into you, resting his head on your shoulder. The bottom of the tub, a usual stark white, was tinted a rusty brown color as the night’s misfortunes washed off Matt’s skin. Matt can’t see this, of course, but he can smell it, and sense the tension you hold in your shoulders.

The pattern you were drawing into his back left a harsh skittering of goose bumps in its wake. He tried not to groan at your soft touch, tried not to think about how you were too good for him, for this. The constant chaos that is Matt Murdock’s life would’ve scared anyone away, but you were still here, running your hands over his scars, new and old, and peppering gentle kisses into his shoulder.

Matt pulled you into his arms. His hands, which had been resting on your lower back, began a slow ascent along your back until he was fully wrapped in your scent. When he cradled you like this, he felt grounded, unbroken, whole. His embrace tightened, and you held him with just as much force as warm tears made their way down his face and onto your skin.

Things had been getting worse lately, and Matt was sure that he’d come home one day to find a half-empty apartment, your stuff packed up and gone, along with his heart. The guilt was eating him alive, and he wasn’t sure how he could ever face the world without you by his side. However, in moments like these, when you were so gentle and loving, he could only focus on the fact that you were here, safe in his arms.

He kissed the space above your collarbone. I’ll always protect you.

Another one, this time just below your jaw. I will never know another love like the kind you show me every night.

Another, on the corner of your lips. I love you, more than you could ever know.

A final one, on your lips. When you're around, I feel like I’m home.

And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother Is it enough?

Later, after Matt had spent over an hour ravishing you against the shower wall, and then again in the bed you shared with each other, you were lying on your side, running your fingers through Matt’s hair. He hummed when your fingers lightly scratched the top of his head.

The silence that usually overwhelmed the apartment on nights like these was both comforting and terrifying for Matt. Comforting, because it was the kind of silence that didn’t drive him absolutely crazy. When most people were silent around Matt, he had to find other noises to focus on, or else he’d be overwhelmed by the noises of the outside world, but when you were silent, he liked to listen to the steady drum of your heartbeat, a lifeline that he’s grown all too comfortable clinging to.

“Matty?” Your voice is soft, barely above a whisper. It’s the first word you’ve spoken out loud since he stumbled through the front door hours earlier.

“Petal?” His voice quivered as he spoke. Nothing in your tone indicated that you were planning on leaving him, but he couldn’t help the stutter in his heartbeat when you finally spoke to him on nights like these.

But there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me. Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

“You know I love you, right?”

Matt nods and swallows thickly.

“Am I telling the truth?” you asked, pressing Matt’s ear to your chest. Matt could hear your heartbeat from a mile away, sometimes more if he focused, but the intimacy of listening to your heartbeat at such close range was something he would always cherish. The steady beat of your heart told him what he was always searching for – reassurance that you loved him, that you would always love him, and that you would never leave him, even though he knew he deserved it.

Matt’s face fell, tears welling up for the third time that evening. Your arms circled around him, kissing the tears as they fell from his eyes.

“Matty, baby,” you whisper, planting a gentle kiss on his nose, “what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours? Why is tonight so bad?”

A sob fell from Matt’s mouth, and he squeezed his eyes shut, clinging to your arms as you tried comfort him.

“I’ll never be able to give you what you deserve. I love you so much, and I know I should let you go so you can find someone who can give you everything, but I can’t. I can’t- You’re just so- I can’t breathe when you’re near me, and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Matt was close to hyperventilating, gasping in air at an alarming pace. He could tell you were shaking your head, even though he couldn’t physically see it.

“You’re an idiot, Matthew Murdock, if you think I could love anyone else the way I love you. You’re the love of my life, Matt. Why would you think I want anyone else?”

“What if I’m Daredevil for the rest of my life? What if it kills me? Where does that leave you?”

“I knew the risks when we met, Matt. I’m not going anywhere, no matter how much you try to convince me to leave. I love you, Matty. That means I love every piece of you, good or bad. It means I’m committed to you, like you are to me.”

You took a breath and brought your finger up to his lips before he could argue with you.

“Now, stop beating yourself up about this. I’m not going anywhere, and you can’t make me, you stubborn devil.”

“What if it never gets better?” Matt is whispering, and he can’t tell if he’s asking himself or you, but you respond anyways.

“Then we’ll weather the storm together, Matty. I’m yours. Forever. Always. That’s enough for me. I promise.”

Matt couldn’t help himself when he focused on your heartbeat. It was strong, but steady. You were telling the truth – and his heart ached with love as he enveloped you in his arms.

Matt knew tonight wouldn’t be the end of this self-hatred guilt trip, but for now, holding you in his arms, cradling you as you fall asleep, kissing your hair every few minutes. For now, that was enough for him, too.

End Note: I did my civic duty and voted today in the mid-term election! I hope the people who can are planning on voting too!

Tag List:

@xleiaorgana @mukbee @soft-emo-enby @purple-amaranthe @kokoterainonago666 @blackwidownat2814 @minervadashwood @emiemiemiii @h4rrys @messymissy @mylifeispainandiloveit @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @mymamalife

(@mymamalife i tagged you in this bc you mentioned the other day that you wanted to read more of my matt stuff but i can remove you from the list if you don't want to be on it!)

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rnebbie · 3 years ago

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Skys The Limit (request)

Tom Hiddleston x teen!reader, Tom Hiddleston x co star!reader

Request description: how about Tom Hiddleston with a teen!reader whose just getting into acting? maybe something along the lines of him showing them the ropes? i'm just excited to see what you come up with :D

Requested by: @ohworm-writes

Warnings: lack of sleep in the beginning ???

(A/n): omg YAYYY first request & first fic!! I am so excited to do more. If ur reading this rn… ur witnessing the beginning!! Lolll jk. I hope u don’t mind I added a bit of a twist and I didn’t stick to the plot that well… actually this might be nothing like u wanted LOL IM SORRY … hopefully u like. :D totally fine if not. Lmk!!! Also if anyone wants to be added to my tag list plz totally lmk bc I’ve got no one rn LOL & send more requests!

You’d just gotten into acting not long ago. It’s something you’ve always had an interest for, but only recently did you actually get your first acting job, and you were ecstatic.

You could barely sleep the days leading up to your first day on set. You’d already had your bags packed to leave the first day you’d heard you were signed. And the night before your first day on set, you couldn’t find yourself settling down. That didn’t make a great first impression on your co-star, Tom Hiddleston, As you had bags under your eyes, and though very excited to meet him, you weren’t your true self because of your lack of sleep.

The next morning, once you arrived on set, Tom had two coffees with him. One he was already drinking out of, and one that had your name on it. He smiled and handed it to you. You thanked him and you two walked for a little while together.

“So, I’ve heard you're brand new to the industry. Is this correct?” Tom asks, as you’re walking alongside him. “That appears to be the case.” You reply jokingly in an English accent. Tom can tell you two are going to be good friends, and invites you to dinner after filming is over, whenever that may be.

After filming is finally over for the day, you and Tom take thirty minutes to wash up, before meeting at the restaurant in the lobby of the hotel that you, along with all the crew is staying at, in separate rooms, of course.

“You’re lucky to be working with me on your first acting job. I know everything.” Tom assured you. You’re confused for a moment that this professional actor seems to have such a kind and funny personality, but you laugh, nonetheless. You ask questions, and he answers them as if he’d learned the facts in the first grade.

After that dinner, that’s not the last time he teaches you things. Every time you two are together, he makes sure you learn a new lesson. He doesn’t have any kids of his own, and so he feels like he’s got to share all of his knowledge with someone. He knows that you’re someone worth knowing what he knows, and tries to tell you everything.

He’ll stop you in the middle of your scenes together, saying “pause.” And holding a figure up to the directors, and the cameras, and they know to give you two a minute. One time you two were in the middle of an emotional scene, and he stopped you for the first time. You were pretty angry, as you’d just gotten yourself to cry after massive amounts of practice (that, surprise surprise, Tom gave you.) he kept stopping the scene over and over again. “You know you have more to give, y/n. Use it.” He assured you.

Eventually, after all was said and done, although you were very annoyed with Tom for making you restart over and over, that anger manifested into tears that you were able to use to your advantage. The scene was determined to be one of the best in all of cinematic history. It’s a scene you, and Tom, would never live down. All thanks to him.

“What’s the best piece of advice you feel like you could give me?” You ask him, a little later into the first dinner you two ever had. He pauses for a good minute, and you sit on the edge of your seat, anticipating what it may be. “Never, ever, let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Prove the cynics wrong. Pity them for they have no imagination. The sky's the limit. Your sky. Your limit.” He says. You sit in awe, and nod your head. “Not bad, Hiddleston.”

It’d been five years since you wrapped your movie with Tom hiddleston. You’re much more grown up now, and you’ve had an abundance of jobs. You’re a well known, and successful actor. People look up to you immensely. They always talk about how, though getting into the acting industry only years prior, you seem to have been born for the screen. And people always ask you how you got to know the industry so well.

That’s what you’d been hearing all night. Your throat hurts from how many questions you’d answered on the red carpet. How many “thank you”s you’d beamed to the interviewers. And how many exciting noises you’d muttered out once people congratulated you on your Emmy nominee.

You sit at a table with your closest friends and family, and some of the actors you’d become closest with during your career. All night you wait anxiously, repeating your speech in your head, just in case on the off chance, you win the award.

Once it comes to your division, you close your eyes, and try not to pay attention. Too scared to be denied your prize, but too anxious to accept it. You barely even hear once they call your name, confirming you won the award. You won the Emmy.

You sit, shocked, and your best friend has to nudge your arm to shock you back into reality. You already start tearing up, and you stand up to hug them. Then you make your way to the stage.

Once seeing how many people are in front of your eyes, and how many people must be watching at home, you’re dumbfounded. You feel like every word of the speech you’d practiced a thousand times, just slips away from your memory. You scan the crowd in nervousness, trying to remember the tips you’d follow in middle school when you had a presentation, imagine everyone in their underwear. But once you’d locked eyes with Emma Watson, you had to blink and shake the thought away. That wouldn’t work.

Once you opened your eyes again, the first person you saw was Tom Hiddleston. He was standing up, clapping his hands aggressively, with a massive smile on his face. You couldn’t tell because of how out of it you were, and because you were pretty far from him, but you could almost see his eyes watering as he watched you like a proud father.

You smiled big back at him, acknowledging and silently thanking him. After all, you don’t know where you’d be without him.

“Okay, wow. Hi! Oh my god!” You start, anxiously and completely at a loss for words. “This is absolutely, and utterly not what I was expecting…” you start, getting a laugh out of the majority of the crowd.

“This is just- wow! This is crazy! Thank you so much!” You say, gesturing to the Emmy you’re holding, it feels like an insane fever dream, you’re waiting for a bear to come through the walls and eat your Emmy, or something drastic that would only happen in a nightmare.

“First off, thank you so much to the members of the ATAS for nominating me for such an incredible opportunity and an amazing award, I can’t believe you think I’m worthy of it, but I’m not complaining!” You get another laugh out of the audience. “And a massive thank you to my agency, my manager, my friends and my amazing family for never doubting me in my acting abilities. If not for your love and support, there’s absolutely no way I’d be standing here right now!” You say, wiping a tear from your eye, in authentic awe of the moment you’re experiencing.

You think for a moment about what else you need to acknowledge, what else got you to this point?

You look back to the general area Tom was seated in, and he gives you a huge smile and a thumbs up. Something he’d always done on set when you’d done an incredible job on a take. Any time you needed reassurance, he knew and was there to give it to you. You blink and tears run down your cheeks. You think back to the kid you were five years ago and how lost and new they were to the acting industry, and they feel like an absolute stranger to you now.

“And finally, the biggest thank you is owed to Tom Hiddleston. I don’t even know how I got into the acting business before knowing him, because I swear to god, it’s like I knew nothing! Tom taught me everything I know, and without him I would be absolutely nowhere. I’d just be another kid with their head lost in clouds. The best advice he ever gave me is something that’s gotten me through every day. Every challenging day when I didn’t want to deal with the media, when acting felt like too much work, when I’d cry on set because I felt like I was missing out on normal teenage experiences. Tom was there for everything, and he always said, “Never, ever, let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Prove the cynics wrong. Pity them for they have no imagination. The sky's the limit. Your sky. Your limit."”

Taglist:

1,508 words

#Tom Hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston x you #Tom hiddleston x teen!#Tom hiddleston x teen!reader #marvel #Loki #loki odinson #lokis daughter #loki x teen!reader #ahhh #what #first fic #first request #the avengers #mcu cast

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torawro · 2 years ago

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I've had this in my mind for a while and I need to let out💀

[Reader is an Arrancar that's dating Grimmjow and she likes to fuck around and flirt with the others (except for Nnoitra cuz that mf ain't entertaining that shit no way😭).]

[One day, he catches her flirting and being all touchy with Ulquiorra who's looking at her like she lost her mind, but he doesn't push her away because one, he lowkey checks her out when no one's watching, and two, I like to think that he enjoys pissing Grimm off sometimes. So ofc, Grimmjow gets pissed and storms to them and possessively pulls Reader towards him, shouting at the higher-ranked Espada to stay away from her.]

[Like the unbothered bitch that he is, Ulquiorra simply stares at him and says sum shit like, "What are you getting angry with me for? She approached me and touched me in an intimate manner so you should scold her for thinking I'm more suited to handling her unresolved sexual frustration." Once again, the pantera gets angry before a mischievous smirk forms on his face. Reader is fucking terrified bc she knows that smirk means he's about to do some crazy shit. Grimmjow looks down at her and winks before looking at Ulquiorra. "Hmmm....so you think you can please her better than I can? Well, how about we let her be the judge of that."]

[So fast forward a few hours later to both Espadas fucking the life out of Reader in her and Grimmjow's shared bedroom. Grimm's fucking her mouth while Ulquiorra takes her from behind. Ulquiorra may be a dedicated, full-time stoic King but the way Reader's pussy keeps greedily sucking him in and milking his cock for everything he's got has him furrowing his eyebrows and gripping her ass more tightly. Grimmjow smirks and laughs at him, amused by the fact that even someone like Ulquiorra can get pussy whipped as well. "Pretty little pussy she has, don't ya think? Greedy little kitty will drain you for all that you're worth. A shame she belongs to me though."]

I'm so sorry this is long but my brain was going a thousand miles an hour with this one😭🙈

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳 grey i—

this is literally me against the wall bc ??????????? what????? you wrote THIS OFF THE DOME??????? THERES NO WAAAAAAYYYYY OMFG? TAG TEAM BETWEEN MY TWO FAVORITE ESPADA? INSANE OH GOSH THE WAY IF I WAS PALE ID BE AS RED AS A TOMATO AFTER READING!?? especially the last couple sentences OH MY GOODNESS. UR BRAIN IS JUST HUGGGEEEEEE . i think one of the things that’s especially hot to me is that not only are we being used like a damn fleshlight, but ulquiorra falling apart behind us bc of how good our pussy is😩😩😩😩😩 STOIC MEN GETTING HEART EYES OVER US IS MY FAVORITE THIS EVVVEERERRRR and i love mr cifer so much mhmhmhmhm i DOOOOOOOOOO !!!! OH MY GSISJSJA FUCK I CANT EVEN PROCESS THIS PLS🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️ also do NOT apologize pls don’t ever. bc honestly i love when people drop long pieces like this in my inbox ( people rarely do tho; most of the time it’s me that’s dropping long drabbles like this like it’s nothing 😭 ) but this was such a treat to read omg.

im thinking of how reader feels ulquiorra’s hands on her ass, letting his primal urges he didn’t know he has take control of his movements. he subconsciously spreads our ass cheeks apart so he can see the tight ring of muscles pucker in and out slightly as our cunt makes his lengthy cock disappear and reappear over and over and my baby is mesmerized like you literally can’t make him tear his gaze away from where our extremities meet. we arch our lower back a little more so his dick can hit that spot and we moan lewdly around grimmjow, which results to both men letting out animalistic growls: grimmy grips our hair little tighter than before, the dull pain of his nails digging nearly into our scalp adding onto the pleasure and make our fluttering hole drip even more honey around ulquiorra’s girth. the clenching sensation he feels is damn near euphoric, he’s never experienced this kind of satisfaction and pleasure before and the action made him let out low curse while bringing a rough palm down on the globe of our ass. it feels good because it makes us squeeze around his tighter, but the lingering feeling of his hand still stings.

we make some type of garbled, mumbling noise, as if we’re trying to say something, but ulquiorra doesn’t register what we say ( he doesn’t really care ) because he’s busy trying to process the feeling of your tight cunt and this intimacy he’s currently engaging in. grimmjow on the other hand begins to fuck your throat to shut you up, blatantly disregarding our plea. “oh shut up, this is what you wanted is isn’t it princess? you wanna flirt around so bad? well, now your mouth can flirt with this dick. better be appreciative that i didn’t punish you baby.”

his azul irises shift and trained on ulquiorra’s pale-white countenance; he could clearly see the sweat dripping down his muscular, lean frame and causing the black tendrils of his hair to stick to his neck and forehead. “hey ulquiorra. two more minutes and we’re switching. you’ve had your fun, now i wanna feel my pussy wrap around me.”

#—sosa’s thoughts💭#!explicit content ahead #!mdni #moots :)#lilviolxtbxby #literally what THE HELL #why am i like this #why—how did i WRITE THIS #it’s not even moon and im already in heat #THESE TWO AS A DUO?#rip my pussy fr like no joke #omg grey this was so so good thank you for sending this in #you need to make this into a full drabble i BEEGGGGGGG

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prettyboykatsuki · 4 years ago

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»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

forgive me | k. bakugou

➳ tags ;; mentions of injury, hospital rooms, relationship troubles, very mild angst, fluff

➳ wc ;; 968

➳ a/n ;; part of a warm-up series/practice series im doing. i’ll link the prompt list here. i use a little generator to pick fandom and character and surprsingly i got bakugou first lol.

➳ prompt ;; “you don’t have to do this alone”

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

Hospital rooms have a remarkably sterile smell. Like chlorine and hopelessness - the air is clean but sharp. Each inhale presses against his ribs and makes him wince - doubling over the edge of the hospital bed with a deep sigh. The white-lights hurt his already bloodshot eyes. Everything in the room is white, or pale blue, or grey..

It’s not the kind of room you deserve. If you were awake, he likes to think you’d complain about the dreariness - scrunch your nose up because the kids play area has no brightness at all. You’d say something about how the world should be colorful even if your wardrobe isn’t. Something about how you hate hospitals so much because they bring you so many bad memories, but you’d endure it because it’s what you’re good at it.

He curls over the side of your hospital bed - balancing the weight of his sin on his shoulders. You’ll be fine - they’ve told him this so many times over. The doctors who watch him sleep in the same huddled position, his friends and family, everyone has told him that you’ll be fine. Deep down - he knows it too. That probably in a few days, you’ll be good enough to go home. You’ll give him the same dorky smile - the one that shows your teeth and hold his hand so tight for the world to see.

And you won’t say a word about unless he does - because you’re not the type of person to pay attention to his many mistakes. Bakugou Katsuki is no good at being tender. Seeing you asleep in a hospital bed only makes him feel like he isn’t even good at the one thing he should be good at - protecting. The tightness in his chest will not leave. Rationally, he knows it wasn’t his fault. Knows it couldn’t be helped.

But he thinks back on the way your bed must’ve been cold - he hadn’t been home in time for a full week. He thinks about the fact he’s missed 3 date nights in a row. He thinks about the fact he has left-overs for him that he didn’t have the time to eat. He thinks about how his laundry is always done when he stops by the house but he’s never the one to do it.

And Bakugou feels the weight of your loneliness in his mouth, it feels like a sigh. You’re not angry with him because you rarely are. You’re the proprietor of all of his affection - the love he tries so desperately to give. Anger? When he asks you about it, your lips quirk into a smile and you pinch at his sides. Make a silly joke about how angry you are that he ate the last slice of cake in the fridge.

And after that, because you are a lover by nature, you kiss the corners of his mouth and say “I’m really not mad by the way. You’re a hero and you’re busy - I knew that before we started dating. If you’re worried about me being lonely, let me have a cat” and lean into his side so he can feel the weight of his body. You always dismantle all of his worries - piece by piece - bit by bit. You never let him feel his own anger for too long - that’s what your hands are for.

No matter how much he tries. Tries to tell himself that he’s good enough for you, moments just like this one chain him to his own misery. He couldn’t save you from the accident. Now you’re hurt. He couldn’t be there. He wasn’t enough - this time with evidence so concrete it leaves a scar on your skin. And you’ll live he’s certain, but a part of him will always be dead knowing he wasn’t there.

Because he was busy being a hero in someone else's story. The anger makes bile rise in his throat, a hiccupping sob tearing through his ribs.

He thinks it’s a ghost when cold fingers brush through his hairs.

“Why’re you cryin’ like that, Kat? See something funny?”

His eyes snap open to you. It’s the first time you’ve been awake in days and the first things out of your mouth are jokes. He sniffles at you, scowling. Your smile is tired but still bright enough to make these white lights look gold.

Your hand reaches over to cradle his cheek, brushing tears off with your thumb.

“Such a crybaby, Dynamight,”

“Fuck off,”

You giggle. His lips are upturned in the ghost of a smile. You are lovely. So, so lovely.

“I’m okay, Katsuki,” ― and it’s a reminder, as you lean forward enough to kiss him. What does it say about love that your lips touch his before they touch a glass of water, he wonders. Still, he leans into the warmness of your mouth, chapped lips and all― “It wasn’t your fault - and I’m okay now. Don’t cry, okay?”

‘Aren’t you the one who always says I’m pretty when I cry?”

You fluster.

“Th-that doesn’t apply here,”

He chuckles. In all these days, it’s the first time he’s laughed at all. He leans into your touch, swallowing his anger and emotion. Trying his best to calm down.

“You don’t have to do this alone, okay? Your feelings and how to make this work - we figure it out together, like usual. Stop stressin’ so much, yeah”

“Stop fucking worrying about me when you just woke up, dumbass”

And that’s how he says thank you, and im sorry, and i love you - and everything else he can’t fit between the lines of subtext. You smile at him, kiss him one more time before you grin wickedly.

“Never,”

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

#bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #writing tag #bakugo x you #bnha imagines #bnha x you #bnha x y/n #bakugou x y/n #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #blerlkj #warmups

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unwrittenlibrary · 4 years ago

Text

Saturday Sun I

Summary: it’s the beginning of may. mother’s day has come and gone, with your family trip coming up and things are seemingly falling apart even more. you and harry are forced to come head to head with real issues. (harry x fem!reader)

Word Count: 1.3K (second part will be the longer piece)

Warnings: Angst. Cheating. Find all in depth warnings in the first two parts.

Notes: hello, part three is divided into two parts, this first one focusing on some conflict & the second part to it will focus more on family dynamic & light resolution. part of this piece has harry’s pov instead of entirely the readers.

Part One & Two (along with a companion piece) can be found in my h.s masterlist!

i need to ask her

what’s going on?

are we going strong?

May - Part I

It’s the Monday before your flight.

April had come and April had gone and you were still struggling to focus on anything but your kids and issues with Harry. You suppose that’s okay, your next deadline was months away and with the trip coming up all you could focus on were those things.

Mother’s Day had slipped your mind completely. You were busy making lists and triple checking flight info to even think of asking the kids and Harry about their plans.

“How was your weekend? Everything went well?” Dr. Walsh’s voice forces you to look up from the new watch that adorns your wrist.

You glance at Harry, who waits for you to answer. You shrug. “It was nice… Harry and the kids treated me yesterday.”

The watch is a beautiful rose gold color and is a thin band compared to the band of your last watch. Your kids initials had been engraved onto the inner band. It was, by all means, a lovely and well thought out gift. Not only replacing the watch you had worn for a decade and had finally snapped, but reminding of the best parts of your life.

“Tell me about your day!” Dr. Walsh smiles kindly. Her eyes move between you and Harry, polite and u judging, before landing on your wrist.

“I got breakfast, at the table, breakfast in bed is too hectic with three kids and a baby.” You laugh softly, thinking of the kids and their not well hidden excitement for your day. “And they all got me gifts. The twins made clay handprints in school. Seph picked out a new wallet for me and even bought it on her own!”

It’s impossible to contain your happiness that rolls off of you when you talk about the kids. Bragging about their thoughtfulness and kind gifts makes you almost forget where you are.

“That sounds so lovely.” Dr. Walsh brings you back down. Your eyes move to Harry. His eyes are open and he’s smiling softly as you speak. But his fingers are fidgeting in his lap and you know he had hoped you would be proud of his gift too.

And you were. But maybe that was the worst part. That it was kind hearted and well thought out and so very Harry that you almost hated it. You hated how one small gift had caused a sliver of hope to crawl into your bloodstream and make your heart race for him again.

That it made you believe, for one brief moment, all his promises and words about never falling out of love with you and never wanting to let you go.

“Harry got me a watch too.” You finally say, quiet and full of despair. “Mine snapped a few weeks ago… It has the kids initials in it. It was a good day.”

Dr. Walsh nods. “It’s a lovely watch.” Her eyes move pointedly from it on your wrist to you. “So what’s wrong?”

You fiddle with it, twisting it on your wrist and tapping the face anxiously. “It feels tainted.” You steadily avoid looking at Harry as you say the words. Dr. Walsh nods, but doesn’t say anything, silently urging you to continue. “I love it. And that… makes me feel guilty. And it makes me feel dumb because one stupid gift made me forget this bullshit for a second and I just felt that love for him again.”

There’s an intake of breath to your right, but Dr. Walsh doesn’t look at all shocked by your words. “It makes sense. You want to be angry. You have a right to be angry and when something gets in the way of that, you’re unsure of how to feel.”

You nod. Her words make sense. You did want to be angry and after your brief elation with the gift you found you still were.

“I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life?” You whisper.

She shakes her head. “No. One day, this anger will be gone. But… it’s up to you whether or not you can get there with each other. If you can forgive Harry and let go of the anger. Or not. Neither is wrong.”

You nod. Sometimes these sessions felt like she was strictly talking to you. Harry just listened. Spoke up when you asked him to, or when Dr. Walsh worked on exercises.

A part of you found that it helped. You were able to say things you may not have ever said to Harry. But sometimes it felt like he was unsure if he should try and that made you angrier.

Harry’s hopes are built up and shattered. It’s his own fault, he knows it is. Knows that this was an easily fixable marriage before he fucked up.

You’ve talked about the cheating a little in therapy. Dr. Walsh has mentioned it, you’ve let your anger out, Harry has apologized. It’s a cycle that seems never ending. He doesn’t know what to do. All he wants so desperately is to fucking fix it.

But...

The drive has been silent. You stare out the window at cars and buildings that pass. There are bags in the truck rustling around, a last minute stop for last minute items needed for the trip.

You had been silent in the store too. Quietly checking off your list as Harry pushed the cart behind you. Had his gift upset you this much? You still loving him made you this angry?

“I… I don’t know what to do.” Harry finally says, forcing his voice to cut through the silence. You startle and turn to look at him. “Tell me what to do.” He pleads.

He knows you can hear the desperation in his voice. Whether or not you were angry at him, you knew him, you knew his tells and his emotions.

“What do you want me to say, H?” Your voice is a whisper but still harsh. “I don’t know! I don’t know what you can do! Build a time machine. Don’t cheat on me.”

“It feels like we’re going in circles.” Harry tries to keep his calm. He wants to keep the anxiety and hurt out of his voice. “Like, you’re angry then you see this chance and there’s hope, then there’s anger again.”

You scoff. “I’m sorry my pain isn’t linear enough for you! I’m sorry that sometimes I see glimpses of you and I’m reminded of us ten years ago, so in love and oblivious to the outside world. Sorry that it all comes crashing down when I remember that you fucking cheated on me!”

Harry sighs and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. “I fucked up so bad. I know. I know. God, what can I do? Anything.”

“Why did you do it?” You ask instead of answering. There’s a coldness in your words and Harry’s aware you’re both trapped in the car for another twenty minutes. So are you, apparently. “And don’t give me the same bullshit about being selfish and not knowing why and it being a mistake.”

Harry feels desperation claw at his throat and tears burning in the corner of his eyes. It’s like he can’t breathe, trapped in a coffin of your anger and his guilt. He tries to keep his eyes focused on the road as he talks. “I… I felt wanted. I liked the attention.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath, but Harry keeps his face forward and eyes focused. “Tell me what happened.”

“Y/N…” Harry trails off. “I… I can’t.”

You groan and fall forward with your head in your hands. “I need to know, H. I don’t… I just need to know because all I can think about is these what if situations and scenarios in my head. And I’ll just keep running through them until I hate you.”

Harry bites down on his lip and spares a glance at you. “What if… What if I tell you and you hate me anyways?” The question is unfair. He knows it is. But he can’t fathom a world without you in it. A world where he sees you on drop off days and has to plan separate holidays.

“I don’t know.” You say quietly. But, it feels like answer enough. There’s no reason for you not to leave.

And Harry guesses a promise to try was never really a promise to stay.

notes: thank you for the patience! i understand this piece is short, this part has been a lil tricky and i wanted to get the first part to may out before summer courses begun. i’m hoping i’m able to continue writing through them, but i will warn readers i am enrolled in two of the three week classes that have a lot of work and move quickly. so patience will be appreciated. i hope everyone is safe & healthy and has a wonderful end of school/university/spring! and congratulations to all the grads these next two months. i’m planning on ending this series with a total of five parts (march, april, may, june, july) w/ two endings.

tags (im tagging a couple ppl who messaged me awhile ago (after the last part), if u dont wanna be tagged anymore let me know! sorry!@alwaysclassyeagle @yourgoldengirls

if u wanna be tagged just message me & let me know if u want it for just this series or for all my h writing! ❤️

#harry styles oneshot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles #harry styles writing

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xwing-baby · 4 years ago

Text

I Don’t Trust You (Din Djarin x gn!Reader)

for @propertyofdindjarin - sorry its so late but i hope you enjoy this!!

Characters: Din Djarin x gn!reader (i dont think i used any gendered language in this but let me know if i did and ill change the tag)

Word Count: 8k (this really ran away with me lol)

Warnings: enemies to lovers, description of injury, canon level violence, little steamy (kissing, insinuated smut), threat of death, like one swear word, pre show! Din

Summary: The Mandalorian killed you two years ago, yet here you are alive and well on a different planet. The Mandalorian is called in to help you and your team of royal guards find a missing princess. Things go horribly wrong and you are left to journey home with your worst enemy...

A/N: shout out to the random radio 4 play that gave me the idea for the plot of this and to @propertyofdindjarin for the request for enemies to lovers! i’ve never done this trope before and im not sure if i really did it justice but i enjoyed writing it at least hahah i hope you like it too darling and thanks for requesting!

“The Master is calling in reinforcements from a bounty hunter for this mission,” The general in charge of your squad spoke as the team dressed.

“Who?”

“A Mandalorian,” The general answered.

“We don’t need a Mandalorian,” You spoke up bitterly, looking up as you finally pulled your boots on. The general sighed, used to your defiance and vocal hatred of The Mandalorian. He rolled his eyes at your attitude.

“We need all the help we can get on this,”

“I don’t need a Mandalorian,” You corrected yourself.

“I don’t care about your opinion. My word is final. And besides, there is nothing you can do he is arriving… now,”

A knock at the door turned everyone’s heads. The general nodded and it was opened to reveal the shining armour of the Mandalorian. You scowled as you watched the Mandalorian swan into the room, newly polished armour glinting in the light. You frowned and turned your attention away from him, just the sight of him made you exasperated.

You didn’t understand why The Master would want to bring him in, he was expensive and more importantly an asshole. All the hard work you and your team would put in on this mission would undoubtedly be overshadowed by him. He would be praised no end and paid a handsome fee while you would probably be berated for not meeting his standard and not get any reward for returning the princess.

It was the second attempt to get the Master’s daughter back from her kidnappers. The first time had been a complete failure and caused the gang to go into deeper hiding. It had taken weeks to locate her new location, there was no room for error this time. The princess had to be returned.

The Mandalorian had noticed you the moment he entered the room. He was surprised to see you alive at all, he’d assumed you were dead, having killed you two years prior. But here you were in a brand new system, alive and well. He didn’t say a word on the matter, he’d been paid for your bounty already, it wasn’t his fault you had miraculously survived.

You sat in silence, glaring at the Mandalorian across the room, while the General spoke about the plan for the mission. You grumbled and rolled your eyes when he made suggestions. The nerve of him. Coming here invited and not trusting your plan. The grumble earned you a sharp elbow in the ribs and a hiss to shut up.

With the plan set, you began the long trip out to the location. It was far, a days trip by speeder at least. Across plains, over mountains, through valleys and finally to the destination. A small building atop a large hill. It was strangely open, considering how long it had taken to find. The sun was going down by the time you arrived. You were apprehensive to approach so quickly, wanting to wait out but you had no power amongst this group, especially with the Mandalorian validating the plan there was no way you’d win. The group dismounted the speeders mere feet from the entrance, loaded their guns and went inside, barely stopping for a second once their feet touched the ground.

You however did not follow. Ordered to stay outside, they didn’t trust you. You were to keep watch, not that there was anything to watch for. Two years on the planet and you were still considered an outsider. Your reputation had not preceded you but it quickly caught up. Within two weeks of your arrival, whispers of your real name had floated across the galaxy until it landed into the mouth of the Master. You were allowed to stay, only if you joined the royal guard to put your skills to use.

The royal guard didn’t trust you, used you as a scapegoat on any occasion and sent you in many suicide missions purely because you were expendable. But as even the Mandalorian knew, you were very hard to kill. You came back every single time with nothing more than a scratch. Instead of your action gaining their trust it bred jealousy and mistrust.

You scuffed around the site, listening out for signs that the mission was complete or anyone was in trouble. The moon rose slowly into the sky, stars appeared with it giving you some entertainment as you tried to spot the constellations familiar to you. A twinge of anxiety cut your stomach, they should have been out long ago. You should have followed to help

Suddenly, a bone-breaking thunderous sound erupted from below and the ground began to shake. You were frozen to the spot until your spot began to fall away. The ground beneath you shook and collapsed inwards. You scrambled out the way, moving to where the ground was stable again. The building your squad had gone inside had collapsed, screams and cries of terror could be heard from inside. The building fell, then fell further. All you could do was watch in horror as where the building once stood, a crater appeared. Dust plumed from the wreck, filling your lungs and scratching your eyes. You coughed and spluttered, shielding your face from it.

Soon the dust settled and things became clearer. The devastation was all that was left. And the Mandalorian. Stood alone on the opposite side of the great crater, he looked down into the hole for a moment, thinking, before making his way around to where you were. He didn’t stop to talk to you as he passed, simply readjusting his vambrace and walking away. Disturbed by his lack of reaction it took you a moment to react, you watched him walk a few paces ahead before running after him.

“Hey!” You called after him, “Where are you going?”

“There’s no speeders. We’ll have to walk,” He said, not stopping.

“They’ll kill us if we return without the princess!” You protested.

“They’ll kill you when you don’t return with the girl,” Mando corrected you, “Unless you want to walk climb in there and search through rubble, the only thing to do is walk back,”

“It’ll take days! There’s no way you’d make it back to the city in one piece,”

“Who said I was going back there?”

“You have to finish the job,”

“The job is finished,”

“You arrogant son of a bitch,” You scoffed as he continued to walk away. He picked up his pace, “I told Illana that we didn’t need you,” You shouted angrily. Din didn’t reply, trying to block out your whinging. “You’re a waste of money, everyone knows Mandalorians don't work well in teams. There’s a reason you all got wiped out,” You snarled. That comment bristled Din. He knew you were only baiting for a fight, angry your squad had died and he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted. It wasn’t advantageous for anyone, “What happened in there? You blow it up to make the job easier? You killed them all,”

Din ignored your questioning. He hadn’t killed them, he had barely made it out alive

“She was just a child and you killed her, for what? Tell me!”

He turned when he heard the load up of a blaster behind him. Your blaster, loaded and waiting in your hand was pointed at his back while he walked ahead. He whipped around just as fast, his blaster pointed at you too.

“Really?” He asked.

“Talk,”

“It was a trap,”

“Liar!” You shouted.

“The girl was tied to some kind of trap that blew up the mines below the building. I was not in the room when the extraction happened. I didn’t do anything,” He explained, you didn’t reply, grinding your teeth as you tried to get your head around it. “Why would I kill them? I needed her alive,”

You hated that he was making sense. There was no real logical reason for him to kill the princess. He needed her alive to get his payment just as you did. You glared at him, fingers twitching over your blaster.

“Keep walking,” You said sternly. You turned the safety back on to the blaster though never lowering it. Din lowered his weapon. “I’m not having you anywhere out of my sight. Can’t trust you as far as I could throw you,”

Din huffed in agreement and turned to continue walking. Your blaster wasn’t going to do anything more than scuff his armour, he didn’t worry about you attacking him from behind. If you’d wanted to kill him you would have tried by now. Whatever made this whole ordeal go faster was what he was going to do.

You walked across the grassy plain for hours in total silence. At least outwardly silent. In your mind, you were cursing his name in every language you knew to any deity you could think of. Cursing him, his stupid armour and his stupid helmet. You cursed the planet, you cursed the city, you cursed the entire universe for forcing you to be stuck with the one man you hated most. You wished you had followed the squad and died with them, it would be more pleasant than this. At least with the pace the Mandalorian kept, you were going to be back to the city in record time, this nightmare could end.

Soon the grass gave way to shrubs and weeds, trees that were rare before now crowded around you. You came to a path, well-trodden and open, surprisingly. If it was this clear it was only a good thing, you were on the right path back.

“Stop,” You ordered as the path forked out in two directions. Din had chosen one path already, a few paces ahead. He stopped and turned around to see what the problem was. You were facing the second path, motioning with your blaster to cross over. “There’s a shortcut,” You said, “That forest opens back up in the West of the city. If memory serves me correctly it’ll cut our journey in half,”

“I don’t trust you,” Din said warily.

“Never said you had to trust me. If you carry on that way it’ll take another three days to walk around a huge lake and a ravine. This way cuts that out and we’ll be back in the city in two days,”

You walked forward into the break of trees, turning back when you didn’t hear him follow. He hadn’t moved, still calculating the decision. “Not scared are you, Mando?” You taunted him. “We don’t have much sunlight. Move,”

For a moment Din contemplated shooting you right there. You were rude and arrogant, nobody would question your death at all if he did it. His hand hovered over his blaster, before finally deciding against it. He needed the payment and with you alive at the end of it he would have proof he didn’t slaughter the entire garrison.

He followed you into the forest, walking in front of you as before. The trees were so dense, a few minutes of walking cut out all light. Spotlights of dusty yellow light broke through the canopy providing enough light inside to see your footing directly in front of you but nothing more. Roots covered the floor, winding around your ankles trying to pull you in so your body could supply nutrients for the plants. Branches caught on the Mandalorian’s shoulders, snapping back into your face often when they released. You learnt quickly to keep a few more paces back to stop the attacks.

You had heard stories about these forests. Fables told to the children in the city warning them of the dangers of the expansive green land. Most of them you knew to be just stories, but like most legends in the universe, there was truth to some. That knowledge kept you alert as you continued the walk.

Suddenly, the Mandalorian stopped in his tracks. You nearly crashed into him, not looking where you were going you were met with metal.

“Keep walking,” You ordered. He didn’t move, turning his head to look up at the canopy. You frowned, growing impatient. “What?”

“Quiet,” He hissed. You paused as you heard another shuffle you had thought to be Din moving. It was above you, beside you and behind you. Then you heard it, a shrill echoing cry from above. A cry you had been told to fear since day one on this planet.

They descended from every side. Five or six strong and lean warriors armed with metal spears and knives swarmed you and Din before you even had time to run.

A flurry of metal and blaster bolts occurred. You were quick on the draw taking two warriors quickly before another knocked your gun from your hands. It was immediately lost to the undergrowth. Dodging one strike then another you grabbed hold of one of the warrior's weapons, forcing it back on them to push them back. Pull, push, slash. A splash of blood as the spear cut into his skin and another dead.

You had one left. Flipping a small knife in his hand, the warrior snarled at you before pouncing. Taking out your own, you threw yourself at the warrior. Each attempted strike on your part was blocked effortlessly. Your advance became a backwards pace as you were slowly overpowered. The knife scraped against your vambrace as you blocked yet another strike creating sparks.

The warrior growled something in a language you didn’t understand as you stepped backwards again, finding yourself cornered to a tree. You growled and surged forward again, catching a slice to his cheek and shoulder before being pinned to the bark.

You cried out as a sharp bite pierced your skin, the warrior slipping past your armour and plunging their blade into your side as your hands came up and used your knife to slice their throat. A spray of blood hit your face as they fell to the ground. You fell backwards leaning against the tree for support as your head went light, you watched Din take out the remaining warriors. One on their spear, another with his blaster. He was surrounded by bodies but looked like he’d barely broken a sweat. He surveyed his area before finally noticing you. The ambush had happened so fast he barely had time to spare a glance in your direction to see how you were.

You grimaced as he walked over. He didn’t come close, not helping you, just watching. He saw the leather strapped blade on the ground beside you and the body next to you. You hissed as you tried to push yourself up, even minimal effort was aggravating the wound.

Your hand let go of the injury, revealing the blood to Din. You wiped it on your pant leg, laughing dryly as you looked up at him. You could barely see him, eyes hazy, even speaking was an effort as your throat was stinging with the threat of vomit. Din lurched forward holding out his hand. “I don’t need your help,” You garbled, trying again. This time you were successful, only for a moment as your world spinning and went black for a moment., “Stars above,” you gasped, falling forward into the Mandalorian. He caught you quickly before you fell to the floor.

“Where are you hurt?” He asked urgently.

“Under there,” You slurred, waving your arm weakly at your side. Your eyes were dropping, skin pale. It was the end, killed by a forest warrior’s blade with the Mandalorian by your side. Not how you wanted to go.

You came too in the dark. You startled, immediately on guard. The sudden movement made you cry out as pain overtook your body.

“Don’t move,” Came a gruff reply. It was the Mandalorian. Ignoring his request, you slowly pushed yourself to sit up, wincing at the pain but you couldn’t just lay there.

You then realised your armour was gone, top feeling practically bare in your undershirt. A bandage was wrapped around your ribs, soaked in blood. He had saved you.

You looked at him across the fire, confused. You had expected him to leave you for dead. You certainly should have died. Either the gods were playing a horrific joke on you by drawing out this quest with your supposed enemy or he had cared for you. You wondered how long you’d been out for. Could have been a few hours, a few days. You doubted he would care for you for that long but evidently, the bounty hunter was full of surprises.

“You should have left me,” you finally spoke. Your voice was coarse and you coughed to clear your throat. “Why’d you do that?”

He shrugged. You frowned but decided not to press the matter. You preferred living over being dead.

“How long was I out?” You asked.

“A few hours,” He replied, “Nice to have you quiet for so long,”

“Where’s my armour?”

“Here,” He said, patting the pile of metal next to him. You watched him carefully now. You needed that back if you were going to make it and didn’t entirely trust he would give it back. Parts were beskar. You knew he would try and stake a claim to it despite the fact he knew where you’d gotten it from. He’d tried it before and that had ended with you at the bottom of a rocky gorge, “I’ll give it back in the morning. You need to rest and you can’t in that,”

“It’s very important to me,” You stated.

“I know,” He said.

“How do I know you won’t take it?”

“You’ll have to trust me,” Din said. You were not about to do that. You pushed yourself to stand up, grinding your teeth to not let out the sharp pain that was splitting through your side, “Sit down,” Din ordered.

“Give me-,” As you stood up your vision went blurry, you stumbled forward into the fire pit. Luckily the Mandalorian had quick reflexes and caught you before you fell into the flames

“I didn’t save your life for you to fall into a fire,” he scolded you, helping you back to the ground. Sit,”

You shoved his hands off you and shuffled away from him. “I’ll kill you if you take it,” you grumbled.

“You would try,” Din agreed. Both of you knew you would not be a threat. While the Mandalorian had managed to flush out most of the poison some of it remained in your system. Not deadly in dosage but enough to weaken you significantly. You wouldn’t be able to get real help until you returned to the city.

Silence fell over the camp again. You stared into the fire, watching it spit and spark. A physical manifestation of your rage and embarrassment. Not only were you weak and wounded, but you were also stuck with the one person you swore would get revenge on if you ever crossed paths again. Now the only revenge you could manage was maybe to scratch his armour. You had slaughtered people, entire towns had met their end through your hands. Now your life lay in the Mandalorians’s. You hated it.

You glared at him for what felt like hours. Neither of you was going to give in to sleep, too suspicious of the other to succumb to the vulnerability. The three moons travelled slowly overhead, animals scratching around the clearing of the forest none would dare to venture into the foreign light of the Mandalorian’s fire but you could feel a thousand eyes in the darkness watching you intently.

Suddenly he stood up. Suspicious you watched him walk the short distance to you. Without warning, he passed a silver packet of food to you and walked behind you. You looked dumbly at the packet and turned your head to see what he was doing. You had barely looked over your shoulder before his gloved hand came to the side of your face, pushing you away.

“Turn around and I’ll kill you,” Din warned you.

“Ok! Kriff, calm down I don’t want to look anyway,” You scoffed at him. Somehow, his insistence that you didn’t see his face only made the idea more enticing. You heard a scuff of metal and the sound of something heavy on the grass, his helmet was off.

You kept your head straight forward, moving only to look at what you were eating. It was very similar to eating next to a wild animal, any movement you made while he ate could be your last. You knew enough about Mandalorians to know it wasn’t him being territorial but to do with his ‘creed’. They could never remove their helmets, never show their faces to anyone except family. It didn’t seem like the Mandalorian behind you had any family, there was barely a caring bone in his body. Except he had saved your life, though that was more an act of self-preservation than anything else you thought.

Din wouldn’t usually risk eating like this with someone like you nearby. There was no privacy, no guarantee you wouldn’t turn and catch him but his hunger was overtaking his logic. It had been days since he’d eaten, he was the lowest on credits in his life the small amount he’d earn from this bounty was desperately needed. If he was going to be paid at all now.

He ate quickly, wolfing down the scraps he had found in your pack. It was bland and chalky but it was food, nutrients, and that was all that mattered. He had to survive until the next. Once he finished, he picked up his helmet and placed it back on his head. Safe inside his metal shell he stood up and walked to his previous spot on the other side of the fire.

He watched you while you ate. He took in the way your skin glowed in the firelight. Wisps of unruly hair caught the light giving you a halo over your head except there was nothing angelic about you. You knew murder and destruction just as well as he did. You’d killed many and cursed more to the haunting image of your destruction. You were one of a small few in the galaxy who had survived the Mandalorian.

There was something oddly satisfying at the fact you couldn’t get away now. You couldn’t do anything if he tried to kill you again now. All your power, all your strength, was in his hands. It was a dark feeling he wanted to avoid, he didn’t think about it too much. If he’d wanted to kill you he would have left you to die.

Once you finished your food you threw the packaging into the fire and settled back. You watched the Mandalorian pick through your pack, pulling out whatever he could find useful for the rest of the travel. You knew we wouldn't find much, the thing had only been packed for a two-day trip maximum. You ached from head to toe, tired and more hungry than the nutrients bar could stave off you longed for your bed. Soft and warm it was the only good thing in this place, the only thing that had kept you here for so long. Comfort was never something you had been given freely, you were going to hold onto this one for as long as you could.

Soon you couldn’t fight sleep any longer. You lay down next to the fire, watching the Mandalorian until you could no longer keep your eyes open.

—

The next day something had shifted in your dynamic. The fact he’d saved your life had changed things. You weren’t so angry at him. He was careful with you, helping you up from the ground and you didn’t miss the way his helmet stayed on you for longer than needed as you pulled your armour back on. He’d cleaned it too, wiping off the blood and dirt from the metal.

You walked mostly in silence, Din still in front of you. You may not hate him anymore but you didn’t entirely trust him yet. He was on neutral ground as far as you were concerned. He'd tried to kill you once, he’d saved you once, They cancelled each other out and now all was left as to gain any opinion either way about who this man was. Was he a killer or was he kind? His actions thus far, surprisingly, offered the latter. Despite that, your hand never left your blaster, though not drawn it was ready in its holster if he decided to turn on you.

Every time you hissed or groaned as you walked, he would stop, look at you and check you were okay before continuing. If it wasn’t for the cold nature of his helmet it would have been endearing.

You travelled together through forest and fields, over a small mountain and down a ravine. Your legs ached, back sore from carrying your pack but at least your stab wound had gone numb. Your pain receptors were so fried now your brain was trying to forget it all together so you could survive.

You flagged behind Mando, gritting your teeth and forcing yourself forward until you couldn’t take it anymore. You let out a small cry of defeat before calling for the Mandalorian to stop. You sat on a rock above a reed bed, leaning on it with one arm while the other pried your armour from your body. Din stopped walking as soon as he heard you.

“I need to rest for a bit,” You admitted, struggling with your straps. One-handed it was impossible to get them off but if you didn’t you couldn’t breathe. You pulled and tugged at the buckles until you were stopped by the Mandalorian’s gloved hand on yours.

“I’ll do it,” He said quietly. You moved your hand, turning a little to let him have better access to the buckles holding the metal to your body.

You didn’t say a word, knowing you couldn’t do it by yourself. His skilled fingers worked the buckles open and pulled the chest pieces away from your body. There was care in his touch, his fingers momentarily gracing over your exposed skin for a moment. The light touch sent shivers down your spine. You turned your head for fear of showing just how affected you were by his touch. You sighed in relief when the weight was gone and the strain on your muscles was decreased.

“Thank you,” You mumbled.

“We can set up camp here for the night,”

“It’s not even dark,” You protested, “Give me a few minutes we can keep walking. It’s not safe out in the open like this,”

“You’re in pain,”

“I’ll be in pain wherever we are,” You said, “There are caves just over there, it will be safer to stay there,”

“That’ll be two hours walk,”

“I can do it,”

“I’m tired too. We’re staying here,” He said, “You can bathe in the river, clean the wound again,”

“Mando-,” You protested.

He wasn’t listening anymore. He’d set down the weapons on his back and set to creating a fire. If it was going to be as cold as last night you were going to need one.

You were silently relieved. Your entire body was screaming for a break, the wound throbbing so much you could have thrown up. You needed to rest. You knew you weren’t far from the city now, it was on the other side of the pass, you could see ships land and take off in the distance, specks leaving white trails in the sky. You would be back by the next evening, you predicted. Only one day left free of consequences.

As the decision had been made to stay by the river for the night, you decided you could get out of your armour again. You sat up slowly, leaning to one side to avoid putting pressure on the wound on your side. You piled the pieces up next to the rock.

Din was still busy searching for suitable wood, a good distance away from you you decided it was safe to strip off and explore the water you could hear behind the reed bed. You pulled aside the plants, creating a path for yourself and revealing a beautiful stream. The water was crystal clear, reflecting the sunset colours above you.

You waded into the water, holding up your tunic so it didn’t get wet. The current wasn’t strong, stones were stable under your feet and you let yourself walk further into the river until it got to your hips. Creatures in the water scattered as your legs invaded their home. You pulled your tunic over your head, throwing the fabric back onto the riverbank, then untied the Mandalorians bandages leaving them with the tunic too. The cool water soothed your aching muscles, washing away the sweat and dry blood as it passed over your skin. You groaned at the heavenly feeling before dipping down under the surface, letting the world melt away in the stream.

Din returned to find you missing. He dropped the sticks he’d found and looked around for you. He hadn’t heard a struggle, he’d have seen someone if you’d been taken. He spotted your armour in a pile while you’d been lay, too neat to be stripped of you in a hurry you must have taken it off. None of his weapons missing either. Then he heard your voice from behind the tall reeds surrounding the lazy river, a pained groan. He was quick to action fearing you’d fallen and been hurt again. He barrelled through the reeds, nearly falling down the riverbank into the water until he saw you. Entirely naked, facing away from him, standing waist-deep in the cool water. Every scar, every bruise, every lump and bump was on view under the golden sun instantly transfixing Din.

He didn’t want to stare but he couldn’t bring his eyes away from the view. Drenched in golden light, your wet skin sparkled. His eyes fell slowly down your body, his own body was fighting between leaving you alone and joining you in the water. Your shadow cast on the opposite bank of reeds showed a broken image of everything you had hidden.

“Can you pass me my clothes when you’re done staring please Mando?” You spoke up suddenly, looking over your shoulder with a smirk on your lips. Din startled, snapping himself out of the trance he’d fallen into, nearly falling in the water. He coughed and spluttered, the sound coming out strangely through his vocoder, which made you laugh. He nodded, muttering something you couldn’t hear before disappearing back through the reeds to retrieve your clothes.

You were used to washing with no privacy. Being in the places you’d been, privacy was a luxury. You could ignore the lustful stares men gave but something about Din watching you set you on edge, it excited you. You couldn’t see his face, couldn’t tell where he was looking but his vision bore like laser’s into your skin. You felt electric. He could have watched forever and you wouldn’t mind at all.

You dunked under the cold water, cleaning yourself and cooling off the heat of your body. You found your clothes laid out on the bank, where Din had been standing before. You smiled, dried off and dressed before re-emerging from the reeds.

The sun was going down now, barely a sliver above the horizon. Stars came out, colouring the night sky with constellations. The Mandalorian had a good fire going. A field rat hung over the flames cooking away.

“Sit close to the fire so you can dry off properly,” He said as you approached. You smiled and nodded, feeling brave enough to sit next to him rather than across as you had done the other night. He was opposed to your decision and didn’t move when you settled down next to him in the grass. “The wound looked like it's healing well,” He said after a moment of quiet.

“That’s all you were looking at?” You asked with a smirk.

“I didn’t mean to pry,” He apologised, a little ashamed at his voyeurism.

“I didn’t say I minded,” You smiled, sweet on the surface but the wicked fire in your eyes told him exactly what he wanted. He shivered under your gaze and moved quickly to get away from your scrutiny, turning his attention to stoking the fire again. You laughed to yourself and settled back onto your elbows to watch the stars.

This night was so different from the one before. You didn’t watch him so intently, trusting that he wouldn’t suddenly try to rob you or kill you. You were relaxed, as much as you could in the circumstances. Your earlier question of the character of the Mandalorian was slowly being answered. He was a mixture of good and kind, and cold and calculated. You couldn’t forget how viciously he had attacked you all those years ago, how bloody and raw those warriors had been left in the forest. But simultaneously you couldn’t forget his kindness in saving you, his care for your wellbeing as you walked today. How bashful he became when you confronted him about his peeping. You could hear the embarrassment in his voice. If he was a cold and heartless killer like you thought him to be, he would not take your teasing. He wouldn’t be embarrassed. No, this Mandalorian much like everyone else was complicated. Under that beskar somewhere lay a man, who unfortunately you were starting to like.

You couldn’t hate him. Not when he had found and cooked food for you to share. Din had pulled the field rat off the spit, opened it up and pulled out the cooked meat. He passed you half before collecting his own. You initially curled your lip at the charred remains in your lap but there was no other choice. It was that or starve.

Din opened his mouth to speak, to tell you to stay put as he sat behind you but was astounded at how quickly you’d turned your back on him giving him the privacy he needed. Metal hit the ground with a thud, you stayed perfectly still. Din noticed instantly, his chest becoming heavy as he saw your fear. You had been friendly all day, talking as if you were friends but the way you sat in front of him like caught prey reminded him that wasn’t the case.

You surprised him, it was rare for people to understand so quickly, let alone someone like you. Someone who hated him, had tried to kill him, usually, they’d mock him and refuse unless he threatened them, like he’d done to you last night. You didn’t say a word. You respected him.

So, he ate slower. Taking the time to enjoy his food, as much as you can enjoy slightly burnt field rat. He picked at the meat, pulling it apart with his fingers. His quiet groan of pleasure at the taste of his food made your ears prick and hair stand up on edge. You’d teased him for watching you in the river, but if he sat behind you and made sounds like that you were going to have to do something. Call it Stockholm syndrome, some kind of weird lapse of judgement due to the stress of your predicament but you found yourself liking the Mandalorian. He had tried to kill you before, he should terrify you, but the fact he was such a mystery, and a dangerous one at that, made him all the more enticing.

Din didn’t miss the way you’d pricked up at the noise he’d made. He didn’t mean to, it had just slipped from his lips. A new kind of hunger took over him as he finished his meal. He wanted you. The memory of you in the river cast over him. He wondered how soft your skin would feel, fresh from the mineral waters you’d bathed in. You smelt so fresh from where he was sitting, how much better would it be with his nose in your hair. He’d been hungry for days, but this hunger had gone unsolved for months, he could hardly remember the last time he’d held someone, kissed someone, fucked someone.

Without realising it Din had moved closer to you. His hands ghosted over your hair, wanting desperately to run his fingers through it. He wanted to touch you, to feel you. He leant over, just outside your peripheral vision and placed a kiss on your cheek. It was short, shorter as you startled at the sudden touch. Din retreated quickly, your sudden movement startling him too.

“What was that?” You asked sharply. Din frowned, instantly regretting his action. To his surprise, you didn’t make a move to look at him.

“Wh-what do you mean?” He stuttered, all confidence draining from his body.

“Kiss me properly if you’re going to kiss me,” you said confidently. A simple touch of his lips to your cheek had set you alight, you were startled but didn’t want him to stop.

Din grinned in the dark and surged forward to kiss you properly. The sharp scratch of stubble surprised you as he kissed you. His lips were soft as passion dripped into your mouth as your mouth opened to him in a gasp. The Mandalorian pulled you closer, turning you to face him properly. You hissed in pain when his hand brushed over your wound. He whispered an apology, moving down to your jaw. His nose brushed along your jaw taking in the clean and earthy scent of you.

His kiss travelled down your neck. The burn of his stumble on your soft skin made you sigh and open up to him more. Din could feel himself falling into you, your scent and taste, the noises that you were making just from his kisses were driving him insane. He could stop if he needed but he didn’t want to. He could trust you.

His hands stroked down your arms, taking your wrist into his grip. He continued his assault on your neck as he lifted it. He placed your hand over your eyes, holding your wrist tight to keep it in place. His warm hand over yours was oddly comforting.

“Move your hand and I stop, yes?” He whispered in your ear, his hot breath tickling you and sending a shiver up your spine, “I don’t want to kill you, but I will,”

“I understand,”

If there was any way you could have predicted the ending of your adventure with the Mandalorian there would be no way you could have predicted the events of the previous night.

He was good. Surprisingly good. You were a little shocked, having thought he was some celibate mercenary monk type character, but he knew what he was doing. If there weren’t stars above you, he’d made you see more. He was careful not to hurt you but didn’t hold out. Edges of your previous hatred for one another dipped in, adding so much to the event. You woke up sore in a completely different and entirely satisfying way.

You set out for the final stretch of the journey with a smile on your face. Your blaster was left alone in its holster and the Mandalorian walked beside you. You trusted him.

The final stretch was the most challenging. Through a rocky ravine, you had to climb over boulders and through tight passes. If you could have gone over you would, but the hundred-foot sheer cliff faces took that option away from you pretty fast. The Mandalorian walked slower to allow you to keep up, taking hold of your chest armour when the weight became too much to take anymore. You still couldn’t understand the reasoning behind his kindness but accepted it easily. He wouldn’t leave you more than ten foot behind, despite your insistence on leaving you to catch up on your own he refused and waited for you before enforcing a rest stop so you could catch your breath and continue. After hours of walking through the rocky pass, red stone finally gave way to green grass and blue sky once more.

You saw the city gates on the horizon and your heart began to ache. You had almost forgotten what you were walking back to. You had to tell the Master that his daughter was dead, that your entire team was burnt alive and you were the only survivor. You were dead for sure. Being the outsider anyway put you on rocky ground, this would be the final straw.

Din could sense your nervousness. Even if you didn’t express it verbally, he knew you were anxious to return. He thought you were brave for doing so, but you didn’t have a choice. If you ran you could never stay hidden from the Master. You were dead either way, at least if you brought yourself in you could argue your case.

Citizens lined the wall of the city, flags waving and cheering songs danced on the breeze as soon as you and the Mandalorian were spotted. You walked through the outlying villages with heads hung low as the people ran up to you expecting their princess in tow. When they saw the two of you alone their cries of joy turned to silence.

You reached the city gates and it seemed nobody had noticed, bells rang out and drums echoes from inside. Children waved from the wall, happy and excited to see you. The whispers started, turned into murmurs and soon the yells of praise and joy were spitting insults and exclamations of pain. People yelled out questions, what had happened to the princess, where was she, who’d killed the princess. Why hadn’t you saved her? Your heart sunk, you couldn’t lift your eyes from the ground as you and the Mandalorian were escorted to the palace.

Din always hated a failed mission, letting targets getaway in mistakes was what kept him up at night, but this was so much worse. He didn’t have any personal connection to the girl but the vitriol spat at you and him as you walked through was tough to take. He kept his head up, trying to think of a plan for what might happen next.

The news of your failure had spread fast, arriving at the Master’s feet before you did. You knelt at his throne, the Mandalorian standing beside you.

“What news do you bring?” The Master asked. He didn’t need your answer, he just wanted to watch you squirm.

“I am afraid we were unsuccessful Master. An accident occurred at the camp and we two are the only survivors of the event. There was no way of recovering your daughter, I apologise,” You said finally looking up at him. Your voice was calm, collected and confident. There was nothing you could do now, it didn’t matter whether you were visibly upset or not.

“Mandalorian? Do they speak the truth?”

“Yes. Charges were set in the mines beneath the location and set as soon as we arrived,” He elaborated.

“I appreciate the aide Mandalorian, however without a successful return of my daughter I cannot pay you,” The master said. Din nodded, having expected as much, “Guards arrest L/n,”

“I assure you we did everything we could to get your daughter, none of this was their fault,” Din insisted.

“You are dismissed, Mando,” The Master ordered. Din didn’t move, his blaster raised at the guards approaching, standing between you and them to protect you.

“Stop it,” You hissed at him, alarmed that he was putting his survival at risk for you.

“Put the blaster down, Mandalorian. You are far outnumbered here. I suggest you leave me while you still can unless you would like to join L/n in front of a firing squad,”

“It’s not worth it,” You whispered, as you pushed yourself to stand up. You gritted your teeth as pain shot through you. You both knew this was how it would end, there was no other way, “I accept my fate,” You spoke loud enough for everyone else to hear. Din didn’t accept it, he refused to. He had only just got you into his life, whatever the relationship was between you two he wasn’t going to let you die for something that wasn’t your fault.

You were surrounded inside the palace. Din’s defiance was only drawing more soldiers in. The chances of either you or Din coming out alive were drawing in. You knew the Mandalorian was worth more, something inside you told you he had a great destiny before him. While our crossed paths had arrived at a pleasant spot you would like to continue, if that was the final destination of your lives then you wouldn’t be the one pulling him to a halt with you.

You stepped into the Mandalorian’s vision, soldiers drawing closer, and you placed your hand over his blaster. You looked directly into his visor, staring directly into his eyes. You didn’t have to speak, he knew it was over. Slowly, Din lowered his weapon and stepped back. With his hands up he nodded to the Master who smiled smugly and gave you one last look. As soon as the Mandalorian walked away the guards were on you, hands roughly tugged behind your back and into harsh cuffs.

Din didn’t look back. Couldn’t. If he did he would do something he would regret. The Master’s voice echoed out of the Palace doors relaying your sentence. You were to be executed at sundown. Din pulled himself into a comfortable stoic calm, and indifference forced upon himself to allow him to carry on. He walked out of the city with nothing. Penniless, hungry and alone.

The Razor Crest provided some comfort as it always did. No matter what changed around his outside could always be corrected inside the silver confines of his ship. He had enough fuel to get him to the next populated planet, hopefully, he would find work there to get food. He settled into the cockpit, flicking through maps for a while to see where he could go. After a while, the exhaustion of not sleeping properly for three days caught up and Din fell asleep in the pilot seat.

“Oi! Mando! Open up!” Hard rock being thrown at the front of the Crest and the sound of your voice startled him awake. It was dark now, the moon high in the sky above him. Din’s heart sunk, it was just a dream. You were gone now.

He let himself wonder for a moment if he could have done more, knowing that probably wasn’t true. The galaxy had a way of making things work out the way they should no matter what he did. He settled back against his chair again, head resting on his chest when something slammed against the side of the ship and shouted for him again and he knew he wasn’t dreaming.

He did a double-take when he saw you at the door. Dishevelled and breathing heavily, you grinned up at him. “I thought you were dead,” He said.

“I will be if you don’t let me in in a minute,” You looked over your shoulder as speeder lights approached over the brim of the hill. Din had barely stepped aside before you barreled into the ship.

He stared at you in the low light of the hull. confused by the image you presented. Your armour was half missing, only your chest plates and one thigh plate remained and you were covered in blood. You were not only alive but you had fought well for it. Considering the state you had been in just hours before, barely able to stand up unaided, he was astonished.

“What? It’s not my blood if you’re worried about that,” You wiped your face with the back of your hand then wiping it on your pant leg. “Hurry up and get this ship in the sky. We need to go right now,”

A blaster shot ricochet off the side of the Crest, the sound of bikes coming closer, setting Din back into motion. He raced back up to the cockpit to set off. You followed quickly and watched as the Mandalorian set to getting the ship into the air while under attack. You jumped into the seat behind him, giddy with excitement as the weight of what you had just done inside the city walls had not yet settled in. You were high on adrenaline. The engines roared into life and suddenly the Mandalorian turned back to look at you.

“I’m glad you’re not dead,” He said.

“I’m glad I’m not dead too,” you smiled, warmth spreading through your body at the sentiment, “now please can we go,” A shot hit the front window making you duck instinctively. “Go!”

happy may the fourth guys!! omg i missed writing din so much!!

tags: @beskar-falcon @peterssweetpea @beskarbabs @wille-zarr @this-cat-is-dea @dameronology @fandom-blackhole @artsymaddie

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danniburgh · 4 years ago

Text

Rushingly Bittersweet (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 21

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel’s operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn’t seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +4.9k

Chapter warnings: uhm, this chapter is Javier’s perspective ehehe, so, beware fo feelings

A/N: This chapter is set in season three, episode ten. // again, i am really fucking sorry, but we are ALMOST DONE OMG, also i wanna say thanks to my official cheerleaders @queenofthefaceless and @maharani-radha-writes that helped me a lot and @alliterative-albatross that made me feel sure of some of the ideas i had for this chapter, i love you lots, guys. While proof reading this chapter for the first time i understood why it was the hardest to write, it was because i had just to strip myself naked and understand more of Javier Peña as i had built him... i just... im not quite pleased with the second half of this, but i know its needed.

ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

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gif: @javier-pena (thank you so much for making this when i needed it the most, ily)

The air weighed on his chest; he felt his lungs struggling to find air; as he drove home, he felt his heart pounding hard and fast, as if it wanted to rip out of his chest and run and hide and die.

As if his heart wanted the same he did.

Javier couldn’t sleep that night. He didn’t even try to close his eyes after climbing into bed.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw you.

Jesus Christ.

His mind was reeling, he couldn’t stop replaying every single thing you told him in his mind.

“My name is not Florencia Martín”

“A precarious situation”

“Another Los Pepes scenario”

“You do care, you care a lot”

He wanted to crawl into a deep hole and bury himself to stop his body from feeling.

Javier cringed deeply when he remembered he had told you he had fallen in love with you without even thinking about it.

That certainly wasn’t the way you were supposed to find out.

He guessed, while tossing around on his bed, on the same sheets that still smelled like you, that he had it coming. He probably deserved it. But that didn’t make him feel any better, it stung.

It burned.

Javier had stripped himself naked for you, more than just his body, he had let you see him; he had let you touch him; he had let you read him; he had let you know him.

He had let himself feel and… he had let himself think he deserved something good.

He felt like such an idiot, stupid and embarrassed because there you had been… Standing in front of him, in a place he thought it would become something close to his fortress, breaking him. And he let you.

God. He had known you for less than six months, and yet he let you have power over him. All that power to make him whatever you wanted. He had handed you a sledgehammer and his heart and soul on a porcelain platter for you to shatter.

And he just took it.

Javier huffed at his own thoughts while his eyes were glued to the ceiling.

He was an idiot, wasn’t he? Having let himself feel all those things he had been so beware of for a woman he never really knew.

What else was fake about you?

He felt that sting, known and oh so foreign clench in his throat and he fought it. He fought it hard. Why was he feeling like that?

“A precarious situation”

“You do care, you care a lot”

He sat up and brought his knees to his chest, clenching his jaw so tight his face started trembling.

He had to unclench it so he could open his mouth and gasp for air because his lungs were tightening in his chest and he knew he just had to let go. He shook his head to nothing and fought it again. He would not break. He couldn’t.

But then he remembered he was all alone. Just him and his mind and... he stopped fighting for the first time in years and allowed his feelings to pour down from his eyes.

Javier clenched his jaw again as he felt the thick, years old tears pouring and pouring, clouding his sight, flooding his face.

“Fuck,” he muttered to nothing, resting his face on his hand and his arm on his knee, his chest struggling with the silent sobs he was drowning in.

Javier cried for around an hour.

He allowed himself to cry, to cry for you, because if he had allowed himself to fall in love with you and he had allowed you to wield power over him, he deserved a chance to fall apart as well.

He had earned it.

His tears of grief and pain became tears of anger and pain.

He was so angry; at himself, because, thinking again about everything you had told him, you had said something right; he had dragged you into having whatever the hell you two had. He had kissed you and practically turned your wrist into starting something with him only, and just only because he felt lonely. Because he felt like maybe, for the first time in decades, he could have something good. Because he felt like maybe it was time for him to love and be loved again when, in reality, he didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone.

He had let himself believe you could be something else, less complicated. But how wrong he was… Him? Loved? As if. Him? In Colombia? Laughable.

That country… It became more than clear how much he had lost by going down there.

He huffed again in between tears at how it took a massive hit to the heart for him to realize how much he had lost in the years he had been there.

He was so angry; at the system. The fucking system that forced you and him into taking assignments you didn’t deserve to take. There wasn’t another moment he hated more right then, than the moment he had said yes to returning to Colombia. His dad was right, he didn’t like what he found. And it truly changed him before he could change it. How he wanted to have listened to him, how he wanted to not be the stubborn ass he was and just… said no.

And you? You had taken an assignment that promised unreachable things, one that forced you into turning into a liar, one that didn’t let you be yourself.

Fuck, was he really trying to find justifications for what you did even though you had broken him in pieces?

He was so angry; at you. For lying to him and from dropping the facade, for taking off the mask that he had rushed to love, for thinking he deserved the truth instead of you leaving once everything was over. He thought it would have hurt less if you had just… disappeared.

He wouldn’t be crying at three in the morning on his bed if you had just vanished into thin air.

Javier remembered seeing the hope in your eyes when you were telling him the truth, who you really were, he saw it and he wanted to tell you he forgave you. But neither of you deserved something that good.

He was sure it all was some kind of karma. A penance for all his sins, a way too high price he had to pay for all the shit he had done.

He realized then, while sitting on his bed in the middle of the night, the same one he had shared with you for nights that felt burned into his memory, that you and him weren’t so different.

That you two had more in common than he had first thought. That you, as he had said to you before, when you were still wrapped around his arms on that same bed, were a person who was willing to do anything for a greater cause. That you as well were capable of doing anything if you thought it did good, that you also were capable of sacrifice, of losing everything as long as you were doing what you thought was the right thing.

And you had told him, as you cried your eyes out in front of him, facing him and facing and taking all the repercussions of your actions, that you really thought it was the right thing to do.

The realization was truly bittersweet. He didn’t like that even when you had broken his heart and stepped on the pieces as you walked out, he still understood why you did it.

After that despaired, miserable night, he decided he was done bringing you to the front of his mind, so he shoved all the memories of you and tried to repress them in the back of his head along with countless others he didn’t rather to address.

The next day he stepped into the office with less than half an hour of sleep he had seemed to catch while condemning himself in the solitude of his room and avoided looking at your still cluttered desk. Full of you.

He ignored Stoddard when he asked him where you were as he stepped out of the office to head to Cali an hour later and while the elevator brought him down to the lobby he tried to drown the way the mention of your fake name made him feel.

That morning you walked directly to the CIA office, every step you gave into the embassy hurt in your body, mind and soul as if each one had a dagger embedded deeply and an invisible hand was twisting each dagger deeper. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. You entered, unannounced, into Stechner’s office, not even trying to hide the enormous amount of pain you were going through. You were tired of hiding things.

“Ah, my favorite DEA agent,” Stechner said when he saw you walk in “well, not anymore, I guess.” he smirked and you felt his gaze linger on your body, shamelessly.

“Let’s just get this over with.” you muttered, crossing your arms on your chest.

“Oh, this is more than over, alright?” the man leaned back on his chair and reached a manila folder that rested on top of others on his desk and raised it so you could see it “resignation, what a word,” he said, putting the folder back on the desk, opening the folder and taking the sole sheet of paper on his hand “really? after you failed almost epically?” Stechner smiled humorlessly and took your resignation letter in both hands and… ripped it in half.

You drowned a gasp.

“You have a flight to Washington today at noon.” he let out softly, feigning a comprehensive tone.

“Of course I do.” you mumbled, dropping your arms to the sides, feeling your eyes flood with tears as you saw him tossing the parts of your resignation letter in the trash can.

You blinked the tears away and quietly took a deep breath, halfway achieving a fake sense of stability you had fed yourself since the night before.

What were you thinking, after everything you did they would have let you get off easy? Of course not you silly girl.

“Oh, honey, you need a hug?” Stechner asked with a teasing gaze and a fake tone of worry “I bet breaking up with Peña really did something on you, you look like a mess”

You tightened your jaw and rolled your hands into fists, Stechner noticed, and his mocking face dropped.

“Anything else?” you asked him, voice hardened, with your eyes staring right into his, admonishing him, warning him. He knew what you were capable of, you knew he did.

He shook his head twice, and you lifted your chin up.

“I really wish you the best, sweetie.” he mumbled, dropping his gaze to his desk and trying to ignore the way your face turned into a scowl at the endearment.

“No, you don’t, you fucker,” you all but growled wanting nothing more than to erase that seemingly permanent smirk off his face that grew after he raised his head to look at you “you’re happy that I’m getting out of here like this,” you chuckled bitterly “you wanted this to happen, I hope you’re satisfied.” you let out all the venom you had been keeping inside you for that man in the last sentence you spat to him.

“You’re right, but I won’t say it,” he tutted and shook his head slowly “you really cost us a lot, sweetheart,” he mumbled and you were sure you were about to spit foam from the rage inside you “I hope you know that.”

You sighed and smiled bitterly at the man. Ever so fucking disgusting. For the first time in your life, you wanted something bad to happen to someone. And you didn’t regret it.

“I won’t ever forget it.” you spat at him in a soft voice that made him glare at you with a serious face.

You turned around and walked out of his office, leaving the door open, feeling his stare on your back.

Feeling, then more than ever, the insides of your mind finishing crashing down. Finally broken. Fully broken.

You walked towards the elevator and pushed the lobby button, hoping to dissolve in the way, hoping the elevator floor would just break and the void swallowed you and your body crashed against the concrete floor of the second basement.

But instead, the doors opened on the DEA floor and Stoddard stepped inside, shooting you a concerned smile as the doors closed.

“Hi, Florencia,” he looked at you and you tried to give him a smile, knowing you failed “you okay?” he asked, you blinked a few times before looking at him. He pushed his glasses up.

“Yeah!” you let out in a squeal “just peachy.” you drifted your eyes away and sighed again.

“I… thought you were in Cali.” Stoddard let out after a few seconds, you turned to see him with your brow furrowed.

“Cali?”

“Well… yeah,” he shrugged “the boss and the guys went back to Cali this morning.”

You let out a sigh, of both relief and worry.

“Oh,” you said under your breath “no, I…” you shook your head and tried to smile at him again and failed, this time he noticed “I needed to take care of something else.”

“I see,” he mumbled, the elevator doors opened and you stepped out “you sure you’re okay?” he asked, looking at you, you nodded several times.

“Yeah, Stod,” you assured him, trying to make him believe it, not quite sure if you believed yourself “I’m fine.”

Stoddard nodded at you as the elevator doors closed and you waved him once goodbye. Knowing it would be the last time. You walked out of the embassy in complete and utter shame, and some part inside you screamed that you deserved it.

Javier rescued another witness that day, because he still wanted to do something right even though he didn’t feel right himself.

But then, after sending Guillermo Pallomari to Miami, he had to return to his office. That place he had thought was his fortress, and then it was turned into… a dungeon.

He didn’t ignore your cluttered desk this time; he was alone in the office, there was no one that could say anything of him if he just… looked around.

A steel cup filled with different colored pens and only red markers, a pile of unsigned DEA reports, in one of the drawers a block of sticky notes running low, the same ones you made notes on and stuck on files when you reviewed them and that Javier hated to see because they were just so fucking bright, your red coffee cup you used when you didn’t have time to grab some at his house because he just kept kissing you until you both were late, which didn't happen at your place because Javier always woke up before you and started the coffee machine, a gun holster you hated to use because it just never clutched the way you wanted to your jeans and a small, brown journal he had never seen before and that he took because there wasn’t anyone that could say anything of him if he just… looked around.

He hesitated for a moment to open the journal, unsure of himself or of what he would find. The first page had your initials, your real initials written on the far left corner and just a list of names he didn’t recognize, next a few scribbles and a phone number. Javier skimmed through the pages and around the middle he found his name. Written in your pretty handwriting, with a few numbers underneath that looked dangerously close to file codes.

He snapped the journal closed and left it where he found it. He shouldn’t have looked.

In his office he found all the documents you had risked so much to gather and all the intel you just handed to him, pretty much as he had handed you his heart.

Javier let out a sigh and grabbed the folders, sitting behind the desk and opening the first one.

He re-read every single piece of information until his eyes stung from the exhaustion, or the cigarette smoke, or maybe more unshed tears he was once again fighting so hard to keep inside him.

Tears of sadness, it was a given. But also anger, and frustration and pain, and, as a bucket of freezing cold water, years of regrets fell on him.

Javier had tried, had tried hard to bury all that shit in some far, deep corner of his mind, as he had tried to bury you and all his memories of the last four? five? months. He really did. But at that moment, sheltered inside an office that didn’t feel like his anymore, past midnight, alone and so damn vulnerable, it all rose to the surface and he found himself drowning inside a sea of his own mistakes and past sins.

It was unbearable to stay there. So he grabbed the files that felt like burning in his hands and took off.

And so, Javier went back to an empty apartment that even though had been his for a long time, felt emptier than it had ever felt without you and reminded him only of you.

Why had he allowed his house to become a fucking shrine to the time you had spent there?

Everytime he looked at everything, from the fucking lamp at the corner of the end table to the damn waterbottle you left the last morning you were there on his kitchen counter, an image of you invaded his mind. Like a suffocating wildfire, spreading with the simplest blow of the wind. Covering him, trapping him, burning him and turning him into ashes.

That night he drank almost all the alcohol he had left in his house and even then, with his body full of booze, his intoxicated mind all the time returned to you. To your face, to your eyes and that color that was so common yet somehow looked so unique, to your voice and how you called his name either on a whisper or on a scold, to your smile and how apparently you had one only for him, to your hands and how you used them one night to touch him and the next morning to grip a gun, to how you drove him crazy from the very beginning. Fuck, he loved you. And he hated you all the same.

You gave him your resignation letter, you had left a job you claimed you loved so much that you had taken on something that did you so much wrong. You quit because of what they made you do, and probably, just probably, he had to do the same. Because of what they did to him.

Was it worth it? Everything he did… Was it worth something? Anything?

He thought again of everything he had done in the past decade and felt sick at what his brain was showing him. It really wasn’t.

The idea of doing something good, doing something that could give him a little peace invaded his mind and he spent half the night thinking of something he could do to finally, finally feel like he was helping.

The next morning he found himself sitting in the conference room with Crosby hovering around him. He huffed at himself, sitting there as if there was nothing wrong going around, with the ambassador looking at him with his ever so present judgemental smirk, as if he wasn't just pieces of a man that put himself together with the weakest glue when he got dressed that morning with less than two hours of sleep after being trapped inside his house that smelled like you with nothing but alcohol and time to think. His pop was right, they did something to him in that country. He just didn’t know what.

“Y’know how many times I’ve gotten a call from the Department of Justice and State the same morning?” Crosby rhetored, Javier looked at him, already tired of the lecture he was about to get “count ‘em on one finger, guess we have you to thank for that.”

Javier dropped his eyes to the oak table in front of him and absentmindedly tried to draw a pattern with the tip of his finger while half listening to Crosby telling him about his meeting with the Colombian president to demand that the gentlemen of Cali stayed in jail. He looked back at his boss and after half a second of pondering he told him he had a draft indictment of the president’s ties with the cartel, omitting the part of the story where he had drafted it half drunk the night before. And of course Crosby laughed at it.

Javier huffed again at himself when Crosby suggested he kept the draft to himself and he felt his blood starting to boil. He sighed and fought the urge to stand up and leave. What was he thinking? That a man like Crosby would back up a man like him? Just like that? What a naïve thought.

“The DOJ’s not gonna topple a government, Agent Peña,” the ambassador told him, obviating the statement, Javier felt his chest turn “you can’t tell me you’re surprised by that.”

“Some part of me was holding out hope, I guess.” he muttered to Crosby, who walked around the table and stood next to him, Javier didn’t even bother to hide his face from him, god how tired he was of hiding.

“Well, you should tell that part to grow the fuck up,” Crosby spat and Javier drowned a bitter chuckle “no, I mean it, Agent Peña, you should be happy,” the ambassador said and Javier frowned at the man “you played the system like a goddamn fiddle, you won.”

Javier opened his mouth to rebut the statement but Crosby just walked behind his chair and left the room, leaving him with the word in his mouth.

He felt his stomach toss in disgust, at his boss, at his job, at himself. Fuck that.

“Yes, sir.” he mumbled under his breath.

Did he really win something? The job that helped him escape from everything, the one at some point of his life felt like a dream, had become a nightmare. The woman he grew to love, after years and years of not feeling that, barely got out of there alive and the name he had whispered in extasis wasn’t even hers. Everything he had once believed in was melting away like wax on a candle and being washed away by a sea of regret, desolation and anger.

Did he really win something when he had lost everything? He had even lost himself in the process of what he and everyone around him had called a once in a lifetime opportunity to end a War that was so familiar to him it almost sat at the table on Thanksgiving with him and his dad.

And when he got out of the conference room, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, the idea of following your steps and quit became a lot more attractive to him.

So he went back to his empty home filled with your memories, resigned that he wouldn’t sleep much that night either, and stood in the middle of the living room, not knowing why he felt like a visitor in his own house, chain smoking, thinking about everything just because he wanted to stop thinking about you.

Javier walked to his window and dwindled himself to watch the cars down the street pass, the city was so unaware of everything. The country was so unaware of how it was being torn apart by the same people that were elected to take care of it. And he was so fucking angry, at everything and everyone, at himself. And so tired. Exhausted.

The phone rang behind him and he didn’t even flinch at the sound, even when practically no one called his house phone. He just let the machine get it.

“Hi, Javi, uhm…” he stiffened in place when he heard your voice and turned his head to eye the cradle “I know you probably don’t wanna listen to me right now but…” you sounded small, your voice sounded thin, Javier turned around and walked towards the phone “uhm, I wanted to apologize again and…” he felt like he couldn’t think, his mind was filled with your voice as if it were a fog that clouded his vision, he wanted to pick the phone up, he wanted to ask you where you were and tell you to come home to him, but his brain wasn’t letting him “I–I’m in Washington and I tho–thought…” his eyes closed on themselves when he heard you sigh and choke down a sob “forget it, uhm, I just… fuck…”

Javier looked at the phone, the sound of static still there, he pondered if he should just swallow his anger and his newfound pride and just pick up.

“I think someone will contact you about this and I just wanted to let you know I–I didn’t tell them anything about... us…” he heard you chuckle softly and he just stood there, rolling his hands into fists, waiting for you to say something else, “I’m sorry, Javi, uhm… I really think I did the right thing by telling you, I’m just sorry it had to be like this…” you sniffed on the phone and Javier sighed, “I guess I also wanted, uhm, to hear your voice… shit.” he closed his eyes and grabbed the phone.

“Hello?” he said and gripped the receiver when the sound of the cut line replied to him.

Javier threw the receiver on the floor and sat on the couch, cursing at himself for his weakness and his hesitation altogether.

He rested his head on his hands while thinking on the few things you had said, if you were in Washington talking to the directives that meant they didn’t let you resign, that meant they were firing you. And you called him to let him know his involvement was minimal, because still after everything you were trying to divert the backlash from him.

God how he was tired.

That’s when he decided, he was going to do it. Not only for what you had made him feel, but because he just needed to leave back all the baggage he had been carrying with him for almost a decade. He needed to let go. He knew it, he needed to free himself of something that turned him entirely into a different person that wasn't even close to what he had been before, because no one else would do it for him.

And he had nothing else to lose. Absolutely nothing.

Once that thought occupied his mind, he finally could lay down on the couch and sleep.

The next morning Javier just re-dressed and called his journalist contact, he had decided, in his pre-sleep haze, that he was just gonna tell the truth. To everyone.

Just as you did with him, he was going to use all the information you had given to him to redeem yourself of your own baggage to get rid of some of his.

Even when he didn’t want to think of you, you were still helping him.

And the truth went out as he told it, and he let himself out of the whole situation by following your steps.

Until the ambassador called him into his office later that day and that time… Javier felt like he could tell the man absolutely anything.

He had nothing else to lose.

When he walked into the office Crosby was watching the news about his little interview. Javier walked and sat in across from him, feeling something that looked like freedom. But his mind was still reeling with guilt and loss.

“You didn’t really call the country that we’re guests in a narco democracy.” Crosby asked without asking, Javier looked at the man and shook his head once.

“Are you sayin’ that it isn’t?” he replied, looking at the ambassador tightening his jaw.

“The state department’s livid.”

Javier nodded a few times.

“Good, they’re responsible,” he let out and shrugged slightly “we all are.”

“Samper is not going anywhere.” Crosby let him know, quite exasperated. Javier dropped his eyes to the man’s desk.

“Well, at least people know the truth.” he said, including himself in the sentence. No more lies.

Javier saw Crosby shake his head and study the four walls that surrounded them, and he caught himself wanting to read him like you would be able to.

“I want you gone, Peña,” the ambassador told him, Javier guessed so “so do the colombians.”

“I understand, sir.” Javier replied and Crosby said nothing else. He looked at the ambassador for a few seconds and saw also a shell of a man. He guesses that it wasn’t so much the job that took a person’s humanity, but the context in which they do it.

He stood up and walked towards the door.

“You know…” Crosby called, Javier turned around “any aspirations you had for your career just got dragged behind the barn and shot.”

Javier licked his lower lip and allowed himself to look intently at the ambassador, the man looked at him with something he thought was pity.

“I resigned from the DEA this morning.”

Crosby stood up straighter when he heard it, Javier said it almost solemnly, and saying it out loud not only made it more real, but it really made him feel light as a feather for the first time since he was a teenager when he walked out of the ambassador’s office for the last time in his life.

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noodlegirl-googlyeyes · 2 years ago

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hey! im noodle, or Ellie, and i was tagged to answer some questions abt myself by the wonderful and very rad @theprocfilesystem, thank you so much!

relationship status: single and not at all looking. i don't know if i ever will be, tbh, mostly just because i don't see myself as the kind of person who would want to. but, since it's late, i'll go ahead and overshare that i do have a regular hookup going with my main gal lliJ (im left handed) that meets my needs for sexual expression quite adequately

favorite color: for a long time it was deep purple! it was my sadboy color for sure. now that im a girl, though, it just feels sad, so i decided my favorite color would be yellow! so, yeah, its yellow :>

favorite food: carne adovada, a New Mexican dish made with Hatch red chile and (usually)pork! red chiles are dried and ground, as opposed to the green variety, which is usually roasted fresh. sauces made with red chile tend to have a very dark, smoky flavor, and have a particularly exquisite spice to them. there are many varieties of a protein in a sauce eaten in/on some carbs, but a carne adovada burrito really stands alone, for me <3

the song stuck in my head: unfortunately, it's 'Hip to Fuck Bees'

the last thing i searched online: i had to start typing in the word 'etiquette' because i couldn't remember how to spell it, but the last actual search i made was 'wired switch controller'(im just gonna get the gamecube style one probs)

the time right now: 11 pm exactly

dream trip: honestly it's less about the location and more about me being somewhere with someone who knows the area and culture well. partially it's because i won't enjoy anything if i don't feel safe, and/or if i feel alone, and partially because i hate being a tourist. i just wanna be there.

something i want: ive wanted to get a PC for awhile, it's been years since i had one. it doesn't have to be super fancy, just something that can handle a half-decent DAW and, like, be able to play my metroidvanias (lone fungus is out now btw and it looks amazing!) cherry on top would be someone to help me get started using linux, bc windows and apple can both go fuck each other.

thanks again for tagging me UwU i appreciate u! i would like to nominate @star-crossed-animals , @spoopyscaryalien , @dominoscarsidedelivery and @zoeadrien but u dont have to if u dont want to! also if u wanna do these kinds of games but no one ever tags u, u always have my permission to say i tagged u :>

in addition i'm adding another question: whats a piece of media(book, movie, show, album/song, etc.) that you feel represents you or an aspect of you that you haven't seen a lot of representation for? i know it's kind of wordy, sorry. but for example, mine is bojack horseman. when i was deep in my dark times, there were so many things about myself i hated. i started watching the show around season two, and i saw some of those parts of me in bojack in a way i'd never really seen before in media. in diane i saw some too, as well as some of the things i'd forgotten i loved about myself, but it was mostly bojack. he is not a good character, or role model, and the fact that i related so much to him was disturbing, sure, but also strangely comforting at the time. as the show continued to air, i grew as a person. i never finished the last season. by the time it came out, my values had diverged so much from his that it was kind of hard to watch. and for all my mistakes, i'm so proud of who i am today compared to that lost, lonely, angry figure slowly torturing himself to death.

like i said, its late so im oversharing lmao anyways ty again and peas and love on planat earf ✌️

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thefallennightmare · 4 years ago

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Hard to Love [21/21]

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Words: 1621

Warnings: this story will have mentions of abuse, mental and physical so please read at your own risk. Some swearing, angst, and a good amount of fluff. Maybe some smut if I'm feeling frisky.

Summary: After moving to a new town all on her own, Reader would do anything for a stable job and income. Even if that means housekeeping for one of Boston's eligible bachelors. What she didn't expect was finding herself falling in love with him and finding him out about the past that she was running from.

A/N: I cannot believe the ending is here. I also cannot thank you enough for all the love that you guys have gave this series. I really do appreciate it and love seeing all the comments! Your words of encouragement are what kept me going for this story. I’m so so sad it’s done.

Lets finish this story with a happy ending!

Tags: @kelbabyblue @patzammit @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @jennmurawski13 @divadinag @cosmicbreathe @thevelvetseries @capstopavenger @chris-butt @denisemarieangelina @im-a-stranger-thing @jennamarieee623 @introvertedmouse @lharrietg @thejemersoninferno @breezykpop @instantbasementtimetravel @rodgersteves @michaelscotfield-blog1 @40srogcrs @wonderingshawn @bellaireland1981 @katelyneannxo @lady-x-red @sare-bare93-blog @annmariek8 @raabrakha @stxvercgersslut

ONE YEAR LATER

“Where’s my cutie pie?!” I shouted, entering the home.

Four feet trotted down the long hallway from the kitchen to the living room where I stood, hanging up my jacket and bag. Bending at the knees, I allowed all of the kisses and whines of happiness, scratching the furry ears.

“How’s Dodger doing today?” I cooed.

He followed me into the kitchen as I searched the fridge for something to ease my stomach. Munching on a piece of cheese, I checked my phone and saw a new message from Chris.

I’ll be home in a few hours. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t think these interviews would take so long.

Don’t be sorry! I’ll wait up for you xx.

The last year, I had grown incredibly; putting everything that happened to me in the past, locking it away. The scars still remained on my body but I never let it affect me. Chris would always make sure he showed extra love to them, telling me that he loved the way I look.

The first time Chris had to leave for work was a couple of months after everything and it was hard to get adjusted to sleeping in the bed alone but Dodger was the best replacement, keeping me safe every night. Chris tried to turn down movie roles but I quickly shot that down. I wouldn’t let him lose out on a possible great job because I missed him.

I ended up seeing the live video he posted when I was missing and the amount of outpouring coming from his friends and fans also helped me heal. There were a good amount of people who at first weren’t happy that Chris was in a loving relationship but eventually, when he kept posting pictures of us on Instagram, they got used to it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw a new message appear from Chris.

Our weekend starts in less that two hours. I can’t wait to be alone with you.

I smiled fondly at the message.

The past couple weeks were filled with either him working almost every day or me continuing my schooling. We had his family and friends over a few times last week as well so we were practically begging the Gods above for some alone time.

Which is why this weekend we had zero plans, just the two of us in our home.

And Dodger.

“OH COME ON!” Chris yelled at the T.V.

A giggle erupted from my throat from my spot on the couch, my feet placed in his lap, as we watched the football game.

Our weekend together was coming to an end, school for me and another press conference for Chris’ upcoming movie tomorrow, meant that reality was about twelve hours away. We spent the weekend in multiple different rooms of the house, our moans vibrating off the walls.

I’ve had sex more in this weekend than I had in my entire adult life.

Now, we were exhausted, so we decided to spend the rest of our Sunday in our lazy clothes on the couch; Chris wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats and I ended up stealing his shirt and a pair of his boxers.

Even though his eyes were transfixed on the game, he still made an effort to show me attention by rubbing the soles of my feet. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at this man in front of me. He let his beard grow this weekend, too lazy to shave it, which I didn’t complain one bit. The red marks on my thighs from earlier were an indication of that. His hair was short because he decided that he needed to buzz it last night; he was sick of it getting in his face.

I marveled at the way the muscle in his jaw tightened when I rubbed my feet into his lap, purposely pressing into his soft cock.

“If you keep that up, I’ll miss the last half of the game,” he threatened in a low voice.

“But I’m horny!” I whined, lifting my shirt up and over my head. “Please?”

I pinched my hard nipple between my fingers, hoping that would be enough to get him on top of me.

It was.

I yelped when Chris pulled my ankle towards him, his body on top of mine in seconds. His gold chain was dangling in front of my face as I looked up to him, our chest rising with heavy breaths.

“So naughty,” he muttered against the crook of my neck.

“Enough small talk and fuck me already, Evans,” I purred into his ear, fingernails digging into his bare back.

I couldn’t help but gnaw nervously on my bottom lip, tasting a bit of blood, while I paced the floor of our bedroom. Chris was out running errands but with the text I sent him, I knew that he would be on his way home asap.

Can you come home please? I have to talk to you.

My hands shook with nerves, feeling my cardigan being weighed down with the pressure that was in the pocket. I couldn’t help but worry about what Chris’ reaction would be. We never talked about this and I didn’t know if this would be what broke our relationship.

“Y/N?”

Hearing his voice, I made my way down the stairs and into the living room where he sat with Dodger on the couch.

“Hey, everything alright?” He asked.

I nodded and sat across from him. “Yeah, I think so.”

He knew in the way my knee bounced and sucked in my bottom lip that whatever I had to talk to him about made me nervous as hell. Placing a hand on my knee, he gave me a warm smile.

“Tell me,” he begged gently.

Words were so foreign to me, not knowing exactly how to say it, so instead I handed him what was in my pocket.

“I know we haven’t talked about it much but I couldn't not tell you. I mean you deserve to know. If you’re angry I understand. I’m confused too on how this happened,” I rambled.

Chris didn’t hear a word I had spouted, his eyes trained hard on the stick in his hand with the two solid pink lines.

“You’re pregnant?” His mouth twitched.

I nodded and handed him my phone that held an email from the doctors office, confirming the pregnancy. Yesterday morning while Chris was out with his mom, I secretly had an appointment.

“The doctor says I’m about six weeks,” I spoke softly.

I was unsure of what his reaction would be, his gaze still stuck on the pregnancy test in his hand.

Dodger knew something was different, sniffing the test in Chris’ hand.

Finally after what felt like forever, Chris looked into my eyes and his mouth curved into a smile.

“We’re having a baby?”

The smile he had was a giant one, where you could almost count all of his teeth as he smiled down towards Dodger, showing him the sonogram on my phone as if Dodger could tell what he was looking at.

The joy in his voice brought tears to my eyes.

“You’re happy?” I asked.

His hands snaked around my waist, pulling me into his lap. “I’m fucking ecstatic.”

Our lips met in a rushed kiss, his hand finding its place on my stomach. His forehead rested against mine and his eyes shone with so much love that my heart leaped into my throat, knowing that his reaction was the complete opposite of what I was prepared for.

“Stay here,” He mumbled against my lips in another kiss.

I waited patiently as he rummaged for something in the desk of his office and he returned, hand behind his back.

“I was saving this for when we went away next month but I don’t think I can wait.” He spoke before handing me a small box.

A small velvet box.

I gasped, watching him get down on one knee, and pried open the box. Inside was a gorgeous oval cut diamond on a plain gold band. The sunlight from outside had caught the ring in a warm glow of light.

“This isn’t the most romantic idea of a proposal but I don’t want to wait any longer to ask you this. I first met you in this room when you came to work for me and in that moment I knew I wanted you; I needed you in my life. Y/N, you know I love you so fucking much. You have changed my life in so many ways and now we’re having a baby. You’re having my baby and somehow I love you even more. Y/N, will you marry me?” The tears welled in his eyes and he blew out a shaky breath.

“Fuck yes!” I cried, hormones causing my eyes to pour tears down my cheeks.

After he slid the ring on my finger, he picked me up with ease as he walked us towards our bedroom so we could celebrate the rest of our lives.

I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in two years since I first drove up to this house, nervous about what the job was that I had an interview for. I never imagined that I would face my past again, not letting it define who I was anymore. And I definitely never thought I would find someone who would love me with his whole entire heart and soul, knowing how hard to love I was. But he did; Chris vowed to me that night in hushed moans that he loved me then and forever.

Along with the baby I was growing in my stomach; our baby.

AND FIN!

#chris evans #chris evans and reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans and yn #chris evans x yn #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans smut #chris evans fluff #chris evans angst #chris evans reader insert #hard to love

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hinatas-sunshine · 4 years ago

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“Y/N is Mine!”

Oikawa, Kenma, Bokuto, Kuroo

Request: Can I have a head cannon for when s/o has a best friend who hates Oikawa, Kenma, Bokuto, and Kuroo. (Not sure what the max was sorry!) They always try to get s/o’s attention so they fight a lot. Like when s/o isn’t looking they start glaring at each other, always dragging s/o away to do something together, bully each other passive aggressively when s/o is around, stomp/shove each other, and etc. Btw I really loved the giant toddler club head cannon, probably my favorite head cannon I’ve seen😼💕 - @mini222rika

A/N for Requester: WHY WAS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME and sorry I haven’t really set rules to my requests that’s my fault so don’t worry! And thank you I’m glad you liked the Giant Toddler HC! Ur so sweet much love Bby 💞

A/N: Y/F/N* = Your friends name - sorry this took forever and it’s not that good, I don’t think it’s my favorite piece but I love the concept- I’ll probably re write this in the future! Requests are open! 🥳 kithes ❤️

Oikawa:

• Holy crap HES SO PETTY

• Your friend doesn’t really trust him, she loves you she just doesn’t want you to end up hurt

• Oikawa is your boyfriend, so when you started hanging out with him a lot and dragging your friend to Volleyball games - she wasn’t too happy

• You and your bestie hang out every Wednesday night! So if Oikawa tries to hang out with you, you reject him

Oikawa: You should come to my practice Wednesday

Y/n: But me and y/b/n* always hang out every Wednesday

Oikawa: You can miss one Wednesday

• You wouldn’t do that, especially with it being one day out of every week

• You often went out to lunch with Oikawa, and your friend would end up tagging along

Y/n: I’ll be back! I have to go the bathroom

• Things were... awkward

• Oikawa smirking while your friend glared at him, sending a spit ball his way

• When you came back to an intense glaring battle between the two you smacked them both on the back of their head

• It didn’t mean they stopped, they kicked each other under the table, threw stuff in each other’s drinks, and your best friend almost spit in his food until-

Y/n: OKAY ENOUGH!

• They both looked at you, as you glared at them, making both lower their heads in shame

Y/n: Yes! Be ashamed! I don’t see why you two are so mean to one another!

Y/F/N: Because he’s taking you away from me!

Oikawa: Am not! You’re a Wednesday hog!

• The constant bickering between the two never ended and only continued when you were turned around

• One minute they were with you the next your hear slamming on the lockers seeing your boyfriend yelping in pain and your best friend looking around

“His fangirls do be crazy.”

• You sigh and help him up placing a kiss on his forehead, your best friends jaw dropping and him sticking his tongue out at her

• When you catch one of them in the act they automatically get scolded while the other snickers at them

“Oikawa! Don’t step on her!”

“What-“

“Hehehe”

Kenma:

• He seems like he doesn’t care, but he’s ready to throw hands ✨

• When he sees yours best friend glaring at him, he knows what’s about to happen

• He lays his head on your lap smirking at her while her jaw drops

• You automatically run your fingers through his hair

• They were really discreet about how they fought

• The moment your head turns Kenma hisses gives her a warning glare not to mess with him

• Kenma doesn’t care if y’all are best friends he’s going to call her out anytime

• You guys are getting lunch together?

“Y/f/n why’d you step on me?”

• You’re leading them back to class?

“Why are you glaring at me?”

• Overall you sit your friend down while Kenma smirks at her from across the room

• Dont cross Kenma

• You friend doesn’t necessarily hate him, she just thinks you deserve someone who’ll give you attention

“If you game so much why don’t you marry your game instead of y/n?!”

“That’s not legal and that’s weird, what goes through your brain y/f/n?”

• You sigh and hug Kenma looking at your friend

“I know you’re looking out for me, but Kenma is harmless... see?”

• As you lift his face up, his face squished between your hands as he looked confused

“He looks like a fish”

“You look like kuroo’s nasty foot y/f/n but you don’t see me saying anything.”

• They could never not fight 🙈

• There was something about Kenma that bothered your friend, and she was one to take action, and he was only attacking her because she was attacking him

• Kuroo usually stuck around to be amused at Kenma being so fired up, come on Kenma being fired up? That didn’t mean he was always happy with what happened

Y/f/n: Shut up your roots are showing!

Kenma: and your head is as big as Kuroo’s ego!

Kuroo: why do all his insults include me :(

Y/n: I’m not sure... *pats his back awkwardly*

Bokuto:

• BABY WAS SO SAD

• When your friend would pull you away glaring at him he questioned what he did wrong

• When she would tell him you’re busy hanging out with her he was upset

• And Akaashi didn’t stand for Bokuto being upset so while you and Bokuto would invite them places Akaashi would protect Bokuto and You from seeing her seeth at the owl haired boy

• Akaashi protecc yes yes but he also attacc

• The moment your best friend is about to say you two have plans he pushed her face back

“What the hell Akaashi?!”

“Sorry y/f/n, you had a fly on your face.”

• But when Akaashi wasn’t there-

“Hey! Y/f/n! Y/n! Where did you guys go!?”

• She would drag you far away from him before you could say anything

• This would upset Bokuto, which you would walk over to him and kiss his nose

“Don’t be upset! It was a split second!”

• He would automatically light up with happiness he loved nose kisses stop

• You definitely were as clueless as Bokuto, because it wasn’t until Akaashi brought up your friend throwing things at Bokuto that you noticed

• This upset you, you knew Bokuto wasn’t the type to argue back because he wouldn’t wanna upset you or your homegirls 😎

• As much as you weren’t one to notice things right away, you were definitely one to confront people

“Y/f/n. You need to stop being rude to Bokuto.”

“I’m just worried about you is all!”

• You raised an eyebrow at this sitting with her

“I don’t want you to get hurt like the past few times - I don’t know Bokuto but the more I messed with him, I realized he didn’t even bother to respond because he didn’t want to upset you by getting angry with me...”

• You hold onto her shoulders and smile at her

“I appreciate you looking out for me but Bokuto wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

• You friend ended up apologizing to him to which Akaashi apologized to her-

“I’m sorry I pushed your face..”

“And?”

“I’m sorry I tripped you so you wouldn’t catch up to y/n and Bokuto.”

“And?”

“AND IM SORRY I THREW MY BOOK AT YOU OKAY?”

“Akaashi you threw a book at her?”

“At the back of her head and it was a paper copy so it wasn’t that bad.”

“....it was a thick book....”

“You’re alive with no bumps I don’t want to hear it.”

Kuroo:

• This asshole cuwnfowkfijw

• Niether of them were slick about it, and they didn’t care

• Oh, you have to go study with Kuroo?

“She’s mine!”

“She’s MY girlfriend!”

• With the amount of times they pull you by your arms and use you as a tug of war rope, you’d think your arms grew longer

Y/f/n: She has to come to my house, we have a test to study for *tugs you towards her*

Kuroo: Well Shes better off coming with me because you have no brain and I’m smarter than you *tugs you towards him*

• This goes on for awhile until Kenma just casually grabs you and walks away with you leaving them to argue and confused about where you went

• Sometimes when you force them to both study with you, you watch your best friend throw Kuroo’s stuff off the table

• Or he brings you a coffee and completely ignores her and let’s her go coffee-less

• They weren’t subtle and you had no clue as to why they were so mean to one another

• They crossed the line a certain day when you went shopping with Kenma, Kuroo and your best friend

Y/f/n: Shut it rooster head I’ll sell you so they can chop you up and have you for dinner!

Kuroo: You’re just mad you cant be naturally pretty like me!

• When she smacked Kuroo in the back of the head making him drop the coffee he was drinking and she claimed there was a “bug on his head” Kenma was already 10 feet away from y’all claiming he doesn’t know you guys

• Especially because he saw your fuming face he wanted no part in that

• As the two were bickering you stood over them, angrily with your fists to your sides both of the automatically getting quiet

“One more argument out of either of you and I’ll leave both of you here and take Kenma with me.”

• They both remained quiet and the rest of the trip was peaceful ✨

• Until you got home-

“She was MY best friend first.”

“She was not! Plus she’s my girlfriend that over rules best friend.”

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