#Im sorry but she has the posture of a shrimp

[vermwerm]

very normal queenkaard headcanons (1/2)

sorry this has to be a 2 parter cuz. i legitimately could not fit the entire thing in here

I totally dont have problems /s Yippee rou headcanons that make no amount of sense and that i wont explain!! For rou ive probably repeated some of these as, the list is very. long. He takes good care of his hair He likes pirates a very normal amount He hast adhd Rou very frequently forgets his accent around Queen He disregards his health in all aspects, a lot He uh. Eats raw meat- i dont know why i added this tbh, maybe its cuz i gave him sharp teeth He constantly wears Queens sweaters n stuff Ok ive seen this hc like. 3 times, but he can play piano He doesnt really, find himself worthy of much at all. Unless his worth is “given” to him by other people he doesnt believe he can give himself any sort of hint of being more than a laughing stock He has heterochromia He is. Always sleepy I have an entire list of things he would try and eat, theres like 30 things on there He smells like rainwater or coffee He does that thing ferrets do, where they like dont wake up when you try n wake them but they arent dead He either doesnt know how to cook at all and will set the kitchen on fire or he knows how to cook very well cuz malewife He is either a fucking god or just this silly little guy everyone laughs at He make bug noises Yeah he can blep, the entire family (lancer, queen, rou) can!! He hates King (hes just like me fr) He hates being alone, ironic cuz he lives alone but lancer visited him, and then ofc que appeared and ghhhsjhrenerggjfr Why did i add this wth, he has hydroreceptors or smth He doesnt have bones, why would he?? He can melt into a little Rou puddle He likes to snuggle up to que all the time, and for the most part immedietly reciprocates any affection he gets from her Im torn between if he can down an entire bottle of that psycho serum hot sauce shit and not feel a thing or eat one taki and die He calls Que “schönes” a lot (basically means beautiful in german) He cant stand sweet things/overly sugary things, but he does like black licorice and cinnamon candies He has memorized how to play a lot of card games, and in Card Castle would often play said games with Lancer

He prolly has to ask every like. 3 seconds what the fuck Que is saying cuz her frequent use of internet slang Rouxls gets swooned when Queen, yknow? He very rarely gets positive attention, so he normalized (kinda glorified) negative attention in his head, but ofc que andnshujrfhrhrghkrgh and basically he kind of always wants her attention cuz he knows she wont be.. A dickhead- If he got positive. Affection. He would cry He probably likes Will WoodHas the possibility of being emo when teenager Very rarely gets sleep, either temp insomnia or just forcing himself to stay up Im not too sure abt this one, but what if, jelly organs His posture is terrible, he looks like a blue shrimp when he sits Awwww the scrunkly 🥰🥺🥺🥺 double tap if youd scrunkly the when 😆 (imsorry) He can kinda mold his skin- cuz yknow… slime…. But he can only do it for a short period of time I have a list of blue moths, aka Rouxls moths I maybe partially imagine his mother is a crunchy mom and thats one of the sources for his problems He often misjudges how loud he is, so he could be talking like. To what seems to him as yelling but it seems very neutral to everyone else. And what he imagines neutral in his head is very quiet- that makes no sense Rou prolly has agoraphobia, like a lot of phobias tbh Ok time for huge block of text: he has a lot of mental illnesses tbh (oemgee hes just liek me-) but he tries to push them into obscurity, which isnt healthy at all!! What a surprise. But im unsure of whether or not mental help would exist in Castle Town, so he doesnt really know what hes doing is really fucking bad, he doesnt really tell anyone, and he also cant get help for his mental problems. He constantly tries to ignore his problems, using either an unhealthy or very rarely healthy . ignoring?? Mechanism????? Thats not the right term but whatever. Like any, bottled up mental problem, he sometimes lashes out. But he feels really horrible afterwards, he doesnt do anything detrimental but like yeah.. anywaye I dont think mental health problems would be stigmatized in castle town, but considering Rouxls is well. Rouxls. its more likely for people to immediately form a bias against him for something that if he was anyone else, they wouldnt hold said bias. hypocritical but common, some people who stay by their beliefs wont but like i said, its common for people to hold something over someone they dont likes head that they otherwise have said they hold no negative opinions on. I drew him in, Lady Demistrescus dress once. I now expect more people to draw him in that /j Whenever he tries to get back into the hobbies he originally gave up on, hes always quite scared of messing up his hair (at least with hobbies that can. Do that- like painting) so yippee bun rouxls He has a list of his favorite moths, almost every moth you can find is on there He has probably gotten a nose bleed so bad hes passed out. This has also probably happened multiple times He is transmasc, transfemm, and enby at the same time He loves doing his makeup <33 He sometimes, gets dressed all nice somedays even when he has nothing to do. He just “wants to feel pretty” yknow

He eats kitkats the immoral way He may have a heart chamber, but as much as i love adding bug aspects to characters i like im unsure if i want to keep this headcanon

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

Two thoughts for your garbage fire extraordinarie!

I would love hear your worst holiday lines for your unholy trinity! “Santa’s not the only packing a big sack,” etc!

Or, if you want a break from that shit lol. Here’s one of my personal Clyde HCs that you use as you please! Since you asked...

So, I’m not not super into dad kink myself, but I totally see Clyde as been like super dominant, but polite about it lol. Things like “maybe if ya tell me real nice why you think ya deserve to cum, I’ll let ya.” Or “now, ya just know how much I hate doin’ this to ya, darlin,’ but ya had to keep goin.’” “Ya know good n’ well that a lady’s supposed to say ‘please’ when she’s askin’ for my cock.”

I also think he’s a freak in the sheets with one of the filthiest mouths and I think he has a breeding kink! He’s gonna give you a lot more than just a present under the tree and he’ll make sure “your Christmas is gonna be extra white this year, lil’ darlin.’”

I feel ashamed.

FUCKIN OMG @safarigirlsp I LOVE THIS TIME OF THE WEEK BECAUSE OF THE DEPRAVITY BETWEEN OUR BOYS AND THEIR STUPID CATCHPHRASES! SO AS AN XMAS GIFT TO YOU AND EVERYONE SURROUNDING THE GARBAGE FIRE IM GONNA ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS FROM THESE CRAZY AU’S TO THE BEST OF MY CRACK BRAIN KNOWLEDGE!

HERE WE FUCKIN’ GO! 😂

Favorite one liners from our holy trinity....

The first being our resident Sea Fury, Capt. Flip SS “Blowhole” Zimmerman BDE, who now that I think about it must not really know what Xmas is, given that he sails the seas constantly and could give a rat’s ass about holidays in general. After all, he’s got treasure to find for himself and no time to dilly dally with stupid festivities such as Christmas. 

Sure, there’s an occasional snow storm on the high seas, which freeze him and his crew’s dingle berries to raisins when it blows through, but there’s no lights surrounding the massive Jolly Roger, no festive music of any kind because he runs a tight ass ship, clean as a fuckin’ whistle at all times with no fuckin’ funny business, except in the case of fuckin’ around with you that is. 

On the eve of the 25th, pirate time, the both of you are settled in your dining hall, a feast of succulent seafoods, baked to perfection via the resident cook on the ship, lay before your starving eyes. 

Your clad in one of your synched corsets, hardly able to gulp down the wine he’d poured because the waist is knotted so damn tight, causing your tits to practically explode onto the table, like he would so badly welcome at this point. 

He sits perched in his captain’s chair, dressed in his finest buccaneer garb, feathered hat and all, swirling his chalice as he devours your body with his eyes in the candle light. 

Watching your every move as you choke down the drink, throat moving to push down the liquor as you take a deep inhale, expanding your gravid chest as you push your self more into the seating. 

Noticing your boobs bounce with every motion you make to add food to your plate, the ebbs and flows of your soft tits as they beg to be set free from their cage. 

His cock twitches in his pantaloons as he catches himself boring into your chest, clearing his throat to take a swig of his wine as well, before gathering himself back into reality. 

“Where did ya go sailor?” chuckling as you watched him chug his spirits down his gullet, watching his Adam’s Apple bob as you salivated thinking about sucking a huge bruise on the appendage. 

He forced the glass on the table, shaking the food as he exhaled from his gulps, gathering his thoughts for a moment and then turning back to your position, eyes darkened with mischief. 

“I was... thinking,” he cooed, spreading his thighs wide, showing the mast that had erupted in his pants, “I heard the men conversing about this day being a special one of sorts,” taking his hat from his head to run his thick fingers through his hair. 

“And?” you paused from taking a bite of shrimp before he continued further, “what does this have to do with what you were staring me down for Phillip?” cocking your head to the side as he watched your tits waver from your motions. 

“I was thinking of making it a special one for us as well, my sweet siren,” cooing as he leaned himself closer to your side of the table, “what do ya say ya sit on ol’ captain’s mast and tell him your deepest desires?” coaxing a finger to lead you to his thick meaty thighs as you blushed, thinking about him impaling your pussy on his whale cock. 

Now onto our noble land warrior, This Is Sparta... 

I had to do some digging on this one because I know the Spartan’s had several festivals they celebrated because of their many Gods and Goddesses they worshipped and made sacrifices to... So, the closest I found was the tradition of Gymnopaedia (or the festival of naked youths as it’s translated) which is celebrated for over a week and honoring the three mythical beings Apollo, Artemis, and their mother, Leto and showcased bachelors and their marital and athletic capabilities (similar to the Olympics but naked) to the single women of the city of Sparta. 

SO LET’S HAVE SOME FUN WITH BACHELOR WARRIOR FLIP SHOWIN’ OFF THE GOODS TO HIS BRIDE TO BE! 

The streets were fraught with nude and glistening warriors of all abilities. Their bulging muscles, thick meaty thighs, and their endowments on display for all the thirsty women of the city to pick and choose their best suitors. 

You sat perched in your spot as you surveyed the music and majesty before you. A face in a crowd of hundreds of hungry women, each devouring their male counterparts, itching to be filled with their potent seed as they tossed discus and arrows to show their strength and protective capabilities. 

None of them were catching your eyes, however, even if they all were desperate for the attention, demonstrating their wares for the most beautiful woman in the village. 

Each begging to be the apple of your eye, practically injuring themselves as they showcased their endurance and stamina to get you to pick one of them from the crowd of body oil and testicles. 

You sighed, shooing away the suitors one by one, earning scoffs and side eyes from the other women, telling you to stop being so picky or else your womb will dry up from your negative outlook on the sea of cocks clouding your vision. 

You craved something. You weren’t sure what it was, but you desired a man whom desired you in the least desperate sense. Who cherished your independence, your thoughts, your body, and your soul. None of these suitors were capable of fulfilling your womb in that sense, so you kept with the shooing as you searched for your perfect mate. 

Suddenly, a valiant warrior appeared from the crowd, his muscles rippled and his cock swinging at attention as he made his way to the front of the line of men. 

His hair and inky frame over his chiseled face as he bent over to grip the disc laying in wait, encircling the rock with his humongous hands as his back and legs flexed from him lifting the weight above his head. 

Your womb ached as you watched him effortlessly throw the object further and more accurate than any of the other boys present during this festival of games, the heat causing a bead of sweat to form over your heaving tits clasped under your white robes. 

He huffed as he descended from his perch, moving his way to the crowd of hungry women, each fawning over his size and strength as they clawed to get his attention. 

He paid them no mind, zeroing in on your goddess-like posture, not giving him a single indication that you were interested, even if inside you wanted to scrape the ever loving fuck out of his thick pectorals. 

Your eyes met as he trudged through the seas of desperate cries and declarations of love from the girls below you, pushing them off like flies as he came to your eye level. 

You crossed your legs, pushing your chest out like the lady you were, not breaking eye contact with the brave soldier before you. 

“Y/N,” he muttered out amongst the music and cheer, his face the picture of seriousness as he spoke it to you. 

“Phillip,” you recanted back, smoothing your garment over your midsection, only to look back up to see his cock, half hard and leaned to the left, precum leaking from the tip as his pecs rose and fell from his glistening chest. 

“Will you join me in a dance?” moving a large hand in front of him as he begged you with his darkened eyes, to move off your throne of sorts, “please,” his voice changed slightly in desperation for your delicate hand. 

You sat there, taking in the moment as it came, moving a hand to envelope in his as you lifted your effervescent figure to come to his nude form, feeling his cock press against your thigh as he took you in his arms. 

“This way my dove,” he calmly led you through the mess of scowls and scoffs from the other bachelorettes, knowingly irritated at the fact that you’d bagged the hottest and most fertile warrior in the city. 

It was the best festival week of your entire life, ending with the betrothal between the both of you, sealed by the Gods themselves. 

(I’m sorry there’s no funny catchphrase I couldn’t find a way to weasel it in this kind of story lmao, but I did say cock a lot so there’s that!)

And last but certainly not least, the Holy Ghost himself, Rootin’ Tootin’ Shootin’ Cowboy Rustler Flip Zimmerman (Huckleberry) 

It was a good ol’ fashioned country Christmas on the homestead, complete with snow, ice, and of course you tied up on the dining room table being stuffed seven different ways to Sunday like a holiday honey ham. 

You’d already sustained your precious cowboy mercilessly face fucking you, cumming an unholy amount deep in your throat, the remnants mixing with your saliva as you laid spread wide open on the wood furniture. 

Your breath heaving from your chest as you begged for Flip to continue his holiday quest of stuffing you full of him for Christmas. 

“P-please Phil!” you begged, exhausted and wishing he’d touch you in the spot you so badly craved, “I-I!” stammering as he chuckled above you, lighting a cigarette, with is cowboy hat atop his head, and his naked hulking body heaving from his attack on your precious mouth. 

“Ya know I love it when ya beg ta be stuffed like a Christmas stocking ma sweet vixen,” inhaling a drag of sweet nicotine as he watched your cunt gasp for his cock, dripping in anticipation as he made himself hard again watching your asshole pucker from the air in the room. 

“Yer lil’ pussy’s beggin’ for me ain’t she?” he exhaled a cloud, gripping his half hard dick, smearing the remnants of your spit on his girth as he threw his head back form his own touch, “beggin’ to be stuffed like that damn turkey in the oven,” he cooed, ashing his filter in the tray by the doorway, rubbing his hands together as he surveyed your pretty figure, laid out for him. 

“She o-only wants y-you,” whining as you tried to wrench your head around to see where he’d found himself, hoping he was mere inches away from your heat as you writhed in your restraints. 

“Mhmm,” he mused, running his thick hands on your ass, smoothing the skin as he reared one hand to slap it with all the might he could, the ripple from the heat of the blow causing an instant five-star to bloom on the pristine cheek. 

“I love these honey hams a yours darlin’,” he cooed, slapping the other cheek to match its twin, “there so, juicy,” eyes growing dark as he drank in your whines from the pained blows you’d sustained. 

Stilling your hips to prod his thick cock at your weeping hole, the pressure causing you to lose your ever loving mind as you felt him penetrate your walls with a painfully slow motion, making your cunt eat him centimeter by centimeter. 

“P-Phil!” screaming out and begging for more friction, trying to break free from your expertly knotted ties on the legs of the table. 

“Uh huh darlin’,” he tsked, still inching himself in as you cried out into the living room, “naughty girls don’t get presents, don’t ya remember how the song goes sugar?” he chuckled, stilling himself for what seemed like hours before he started his assault on your tight little hole. 

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE I HOPE IT’S DECENT ENOUGH TO BE WORTHY OF THE WHALE COCK VIBES! 

🖤,

ray-nal-beads