#Im so happy none of you know me in real life bc GOSH…

[sunsetsandsunshine]

~ 𝙶𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙, 𝚋𝚛𝚘! ~

💜🐢🧡 𝙵𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: @savemeafruitjuice💜🐢🧡

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙷𝚘𝚕𝚢 𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚘𝚕𝚎…𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝…𝚘𝚑 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕. 𝙷𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜, 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚎!!!˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟹,𝟺𝟼𝟸

𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙳𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 🐢💜

𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢 🐢🧡

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙳𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞𝚙 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚘𝚗…𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 (𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚞𝚜𝚞𝚊𝚕), 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚠 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛.

(𝙰/𝙽: 𝚃*𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝙳𝙽𝙸. 𝙱𝚞𝚑-𝚋𝚢𝚎. 𝙰𝚍𝚒𝚘𝚜. 𝚂𝚊𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚊. 𝙵𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕…)

𝙾𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚐𝚜𝚜𝚜𝚜: @tiggleebug @what-youd-expect @veryblushyswitch @someone1348 @titters-and-tingles

@odder-outlet @itzsana-kiddingmenow @kanene-yaaay @turtletimewriting @mysteriouslee

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌 ��𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐…𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗’𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 😖. 𝚂𝚘, 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚙𝚕𝚣 𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜 💞✨‼️

𝙰𝙻𝚂𝙾 𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙸𝙻𝙴𝚁𝚂 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙼𝙽𝚃 𝟸𝟶𝟷𝟸 𝚂𝟸 𝙸𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴𝙽’𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚃𝙲𝙷𝙴𝙳 𝙸𝚃‼️‼️‼️

𝚃𝚆: 𝚃𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜/𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜/𝚓𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐.

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢, 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

It was currently 2:00 in the morning. And the only things keeping Donatello Hamato alive at the moment were cans of Red Bull, Dr. Pepper and a slice of pizza. And by ‘slice’, he means the entire box.

Which…the more and more Donnie thought about it, that was a hell of a combination to consume for the rest of the night. Also super duper concerning. But it kept him 101% awake, so he couldn’t really complain all that much.

But why was the young scientist staying up so late you may ask? The second youngest was currently working on the de-mutagen mutagen to un-mutagize Mr. O’Neil (try saying that 10 times fast). The tallest turtle has been engrossed in the project for weeks; his eyes have been stuck to his computer as if someone glued them there.

But…why would Mr. O’Neil need ‘de-mutagen mutagen?’ Well…you, my friend, ask the good questions at the wrong time. You see, Donatello and his brothers kinda…maybe…accidentally…spilled mutagen on April’s Dad…

Accidentally! Accidentally. It wasn’t really as bad as it sounded. I mean, how would you react if you saw your Dad turn into a mutant and start flying all over New York? Pretty cool, right?

…Alright. Maybe it was as bad as it sounded.

Turning April’s Dad into a bat…creature-like…thing wasn’t a part of the plan in all honesty. Which was why the tallest turtle of the four was so stubborn on getting this freaking blob of green slime disgustingness finished.

I mean…it was him and his brother’s fault that the scientist got mutated in the first place. And as well as Donnie knows, that’s April’s only family she has as of right now. And that just makes this whole mutation situation (<- hey that rhymes) even worse.

Donnie knows all too well what it’s like for a family member to go missing out of his control. I mean, have you met him? Or literally anyone in his household? It wasn’t out of the ordinary that they would (or could) get kidnapped, captured, or held hostage from time to time.

I mean, the sky’s blue. The grass is green. They get taken from away each other on a daily basis. Duh.

…Anyways; steering away from that sad but true fact, Donnie’s family was, well, his family at the end of the day. His comfort.

And so to just…take that comfort outlet April once had and not do anything about it seemed…inhuman.

I mean, he wasn’t human…not human in the slightest, really. But you get his point.

Huh. And…speaking of family, if Leo was in the second youngest’s room right now, the young leader would’ve said some statements along the lines of: ‘Donnie! Sit up! Your backs built like a shrimp!’ or ‘Don! Stop typing and sit up straight before your back looks like a crooked tree!’

And in all honesty? He should probably fix his posture. But Leo reminding him every millisecond of the day makes him not want to…

Besides, it’s not like he was using the computer for shits and giggles. He was using it because he needed to use it. Because he had to use it.

I mean, the more and more he thought about it, wasn’t it really his fault in the first place? He was the genius. He was the scientist. He was supposed to know the answer to every. single. problem.

Even if the problem was…well, himself.

But what could he even do at this point??? April cut all contacts with him, Mr. O’Neil could be who knows where, and Donnie just ran out of pizza!

Triple. kill!

Well…perhaps using that kind of phrasing isn’t appropriate at the moment, but your picking up what’s he’s putting down, right?

…oh God, he’s starting to sound like Leo…that’s how tired he was.

The scientist groaned, resting his head on the table and rubbing his arm in irritation.

My gosh did he miss sleep.

Even if he got, like, 3 hours on a daily basis…it was 3 hours of sleep! Which is something he rarely got anymore since everything has happened.

He rubbed his arm a tad bit harder, glaring at his computer screen as if it was the most disgusting thing to ever make way on this planet.

And that’s saying a lot. I mean, have you met Raph?

The purple banded turtle sighed in pure annoyance, tapping his other finger on the desk in a repetitive motion.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

At least this he can do without screwing it up. Like he’s done with absolutely everything.

Donnie tapped faster.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

“You look like absolute sugar honey iced tea, broski.” Donnie jumped at the sudden voice, stumbling out of the spinny chair he was sitting on as he grabbed his bō staff which was planted on the floor. He drawed the staff, only to find his baby brother with his hands slightly up in a surrendering position.

“Oh. Hi, Mikey…” The taller turtle relaxed, dropping his staff in complete exhaustion and sinking into his chair like he wasn’t about to chop the other into pieces.

God, did he want sleep...

“Why are you up so early, Dee? It’s, like, 3 a.m. now…” The youngest turtle asked as he walked over to his older brother, pulling up another spinny chair as he sat next to him.

“Late. Why am I up so late. Morning technically starts after midnight. However, 3 a.m. is way too early to be considered part of the daytime. For most of the world, it is still dark outside at this time. And so, 3 a.m. is considered night.” The purple banded turtle rambled. Mikey blinked in confusion at his brother’s rebuttal, rolling his eyes playfully, “Nerd emoji…”

Donnie didn’t even counter the remark. He wanted to, obviously. Sibling bickering is a thing, y’know.

But he had to finish this cure even if it killed him. And how the way things were going, he would have to be revived 14-15 times in order to complete it.

Mikey looked at his older brother worriedly, seeing how focused and entranced he was on the computer. And usually? That would’ve been an amazing thing. Like Mikey here, Donnie would tend to hyperfixate on certain things and spend hours upon hours researching and de-coding and…

Well, you get the idea.

But ever since April stopped talking to them completely, Donnie’s been so…prone to figuring out a way to cure her Dad.

If there even was one…

And the youngest couldn’t even remember the last time he saw his immediate older brother in a bed. Sleeping. And that made the youngest worry. Worry beyond repair. And if you didn’t already know, he doesn’t do worry. That’s Master Splinter’s job…if you weren’t able to tell by all the grey/gray hairs.

“You're doing the tappy-tap thing; you only do that when you're nervous or stressed about something...” Mikey randomly said out loud.

Well…not entirely randomly.

Anytime the second oldest would do that, he would usually end up moving his hand down to tap onto his thigh, and then the light feeling would be overwhelming for him and so he would start scratching…

It was a domino effect that Mikey really didn’t want to go down if he didn’t have to.

The taller teen looked down at his left hand and…sure enough, yep. He was rubbing and scratching and tapping his arm like some crazy crack addict. He adjusted them so they were in his lap, trying not to fidget with any part of his body but soon started bouncing his right leg. “Sorry…” He mumbled.

“Wha-? No…you don’t need to apologize. I just didn’t want you to hurt yourself, Dee. That’s the only reason why I pointed it out.” Mikey rambled comfortingly, frowning a little bit as he saw Donnie’s face in a scowl. The elder’s hands tapped on the desk again, his nails gripping onto the table as he did so.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Mikey glanced at his brother sadly. He’s never seen Donnie this upset before…and that made Mikey worry. And again, Mikey didn’t do worry.

The blue eyed teen went into his pajama pants pockets and grabbed a rubix cube. He honestly completely forgot he had it in there and just happened to remember in this exact moment, but perhaps it was a good thing he forgot.

Because it was obvious his big brother needed it right now.

Mikey gave the other the cube, which he gladly accepted. The taller turtle frustratingly solved the cube…not because solving the cube was frustrating, but because he was frustrated with himself.

“You…wanna talk about it…?” The youngest asked gently. “No…no not really…” The older said as he looked at his computer blankly, solving the cube.

My gosh he needed sleep. And he knew he said that a couple times already but being tired was starting to get…well, tiring!

And you know what the worst part of all of this was?

He did the best he could.

The best he could muster wasn’t enough but at least he tried. Saving the world every day and night sometimes didn’t always go as planned.

But was that good enough? No. Of course it wasn’t. But at least he tried. He always tries. There hasn’t been one mission he hasn’t at least tried to do his part.

It's just kinda hard when you’re a 5'8 mutant turtle that the whole world is afraid of and yet you save their asses each and every day.

The irony…

And on top of it all, he hasn’t been making a smidge of process.

The mutagen still looks the exact same as it did a week ago. And the week before that. And the weeks and weeks and weeks before that…

“Dee…” Mikey started, looking at his older brother with sad, pleading eyes. “No. Stop. Don’t look at me like that.” Donnie scowled, “I’m not in the mood to be pitied.” Mikey returned the cold stare slightly, crossing his arms loosely, “Well, you should be in the mood to sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

“Like hell you’re not.” The smaller turtle laughed bitterly, although nothing at the matter was truly ‘haha’ funny. More so ‘what the actual fuck— go to bed’ funny. “Your eyebags literally have a whole story arc right now. A plot and everything. You can’t tell me your not even a smidge sleepy.”

“That’s hilarious. It’s almost like I just did.” Donnie spat, glaring at the rubix cube as he continued to solve it.

The freckle faced turtle sighed, “Just…look. Listen to me for a sec, okay?” Donnie solved the cube, putting it on the table as Mikey held his hand.

“I know that your work is important to you. And I know you feel responsible for Mr. O’Neil’s mutation.” He started, squeezing Donnie’s hands comfortingly, which caused the elder’s hands to untense a bit, relaxing in the other’s hold. The smaller turtle smiled at the small but impactful motion.

He started up again, “We all do. But we’re not gonna get any step closer to figuring out the cure if our #1 scientist bro keeps working himself to death...”

“And by the looks of it? You’re 50% there…” The younger said as he let go of the other’s hand, getting a better look at his face. “How would you feel if I stayed up working on this all week? Wouldn’t you be worried?”

“You’re not smart enough for that.” Donnie mumbled, a small smug smile on his face.

Mikey gave his brother a playful punch to the shoulder, rolling his eyes playfully as his older brother laughed, tears welling up in his eyes. The blue eyed teen’s eyes widened in surprise, looking up at him.

“Are those…happy or sad tears…?” Mikey asked. “Probably both.” Donnie snickered, wiping away his tears, “Sorry. You know how emotional I get when I’m tired…”

The smaller teen hummed in acknowledgement, resting his head on the taller teen’s shoulder. “How about this: I’ll stay with you in you’re lab to help you go to sleep.” He offered, a small reassuring smile on his face as he looked up at Donnie once again.

“Okay…but what do I get in return?”

“A good night sleep.” The younger deadpanned.

“Touché…” Donnie hummed, now too tired and too emotionally drained to argue at this point. He yawned, standing up from the chair as the action was soon being followed by the other turtle in the room.

“Do not kick me while we’re lying down, got it?”

“Nooooo promises, bro-bro…”

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Okay…I feel utterly ridiculous.” Donnie mumbled as he crossed his arms in Mikey’s hold. Since Donnie couldn’t sleep, the youngest thought it would be a great idea to give him a hug just like their Dad did when they were turtle tots. Which, was to basically hug them from behind while the turtle being hugged was lying down slightly.

It helped them sleep on hard nights…and it seemed like Donnie was having a hard night.

“Don’t be. It’s alright.” The youngest smiled reassuringly, giving his brother another tight squeeze. “Dad did it exactly like this! You’ll fall asleep in no time!”

“Well, Dad’s a 6'2 mutant, Mike. You’re 4'6 while I’m 5'7. This hug is nothing but just pure awkwardness...”

“I’m 4'10!” The smaller mutant corrected, obviously offended by the false statement.

“Then I’m 6 feet tall.” Donnie chuckled.

“Okay, Mr. Wise Guy! Do you want this hug or not?!”

The elder chuckled, making no further comments as Mikey hugged him. The two sat in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company as the quietness overtook the room.

“I’m…sorry for being such a dick earlier…” Donnie murmured sadly, “I wasn’t being bitchy on purpose…I was just…” He paused, trying to figure out what he was going to say before suddenly losing the train of thought. “Stop thinking so hard. You’re gonna hurt your big brain.” Mikey pouted, poking Donnie in the cheek a couple times.

“And don’t worry about it. I didn’t take it personally. You were really agitated and tired so you had to let your Alpha male come out. No shame in that.”

“Still. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. So I’m sorry.” Donnie simply mumbled, before blinking in confusion a couple of times, “Wait. Did…Did you just call me an…Alpha male?”

“I sure did.” Mikey beamed proudly.

“Ugh…I hate you so freaking much, y'know that?”

“Suuuure you do. I’m the Alpha, I’m the leader, I’m the one to trust…” The youngest started to sing, rocking himself and Donnie side to side as the eldest tried to get out of the hug. “Ihi rehefuse to get comforted by ahan individual thahat knows thahat atrohocity by heart.” He snickered.

“Oh come on! I think I’m a pretty good singer!” The purple banded turtle only rolled his eyes at the comment, scoffing lightly, “Meehee and yohou hahave different definitions ohof thehehe word good…”

“Fine then! I’m a great singer!” Mikey challenged.

“Lihihike hell yohou are, yohohou bihig oaf.”

“I’m shorter than you, Einstein!”

“Doesn’t mehean your nohohot bihig…” Donnie mumbled giggly but smugly.

The youngest glared, jabbing Donnie in the side, causing the russet eyed turtle to shriek loudly in surprise. Mikey giggled, poking Donnie in the sides repeatedly. “The Boo scream from Monster’s Inc goes crazy, bro.”

“M—Mihihichael!”

“That’s my name~! What’s up? You need something?” The orange banded turtle asked teasingly, peering down at his brother who was now squirming uncontrollably.

“No? Well okay then…” The youngest mused as he continued to wreck his brother. “W—Wahait! Wahait! Ihihi’m gohonna wahahake eheveryone uhuhup!” Donnie squealed, leaning against his little brother’s chest as he squirmed in the hold.

“Then stop laughing then.” The younger one huffed, smiling even more as Donnie’s blush increased in volume and size. “Buhut you’re tihihickling me!”

“I think that sounds like a you problem, dear brother of mine. Maybe you should try being less ticklish and it wouldn’t happen to you!”

Donnie’s giggles became more frantic, turning his face to hide in Mikey’s side. The younger smiled at the shy gesture, ceasing his tickling for a moment.

“I promise I’ll stop when you want me to, okay?” Mikey said with a soft smile on his face; which, was nice and all but at the same time why did he have to be so nice about it???

Donnie nodded embarrassed, preparing himself physically and mentally. “Oh! And thanks for opening this spot for me, Dee.” The smaller mutant giggled as he scribbled his fingers against the crook of Donnie’s neck, which made the taller turtle flail around and try to hit him. “Hehey! Hey! That's not very nice!”

He pulled one of Donnie’s arms up and wiggled his fingers directly in his underarm. “NAHA— *hic* NOHOH!” The older cackled as he desperately tried to pull his arm back down as he hid his face deeper in Mikey’s side. The blue eyed mutant awed teasingly at the sight, chuckling to himself as his big brother laughed his heart out.

“NAHAT *hic* THEHERE! PLEHEASE!” 

“Nahat thehere?” Mikey faked gasped, “What about…right here~?” He giggled, squeezing right above the other turtle’s hip bone. Donnie kicked and squirmed as more hiccups followed.

“Awh…is my big brother tickwish~?��� Mikey said as he buried his face into the crook of Donnie’s neck, giggling as the older’s cackles began to increase in volume at the teases. “ShuhuHUT yohOUR’E *hic* TRAHAP!” The purple banded turtle shrieked, trying to push at his baby brother’s face to try and stop him.  

“You’re hiccups are adorable, big bro~!” Mikey cooed, now noticing how red Donnie’s face have gotten due to all the laughing and teasing. Mikey stopped tickling Donnie but his face still remained in the crook of his neck, smiling at the giggly mess he made of his older brother. Donnie glared while laughing, pushing on his baby brother’s face.

“StaHAP!!! Stohop…”

“I’m not even doing anything!” The other laughed as he hugged Donnie, rocking him back and forth again.

“Lihiterallty dihihie…” Donnie giggly grumbled, trying to wipe off the grin happy smile his brother plasteed on his face. “Yohohou’re. the. absolute wohorst…” He giggled tiredly, curling in on himself as he swatted his baby brother away from him. 

“Now…do you wanna go to bed or should we…” The orange banded turtle trailed off of his sentence, looking down to his elder brother whom’s eyes started to droop.

“Pff. 'Night, Dee.”

“Mhm…”

Donnie relaxed in Mikey’s hold, which made the younger one���s eyes soften greatly. He pulled out his phone, taking a picture quickly and going into the family’s group chat:

👁💀👺💥Teenagers who are Mutants who are Ninja’s who are also Turtle’s🍕🌝🧫👼

Yo 😼😼😼

Mikey???

What are you doing up so early?

>:3

Ur lucky Don isn’t online here Leo

He would go on a full on RANT abt the ‘late’ and ‘early’ bs

I’m aware…

So what’s up, Mikey? You okay?

Yeah💕💥!!! I’m fine!!!

Just wanted to tell you guys that I’m in Don’s room catching some ax’s ✨✨✨

WJAT??

BAHAH EXCUSE ME

CAN I JOIN

NONO STUPID AUTOCORRXT

Z’S I MEANT Z’S. AS IN SLEEP

S L E E P I N G

LIKE SNOK MIMIMI TYPE STUFF

Jesus…

Mikey. Never do that again.

IT WASNT WVEN MY FAULTT

SO DOES THAT MWAN NO AXES???

SHUT UP, RAPHAEL

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕!!!

Oh grow up, Raph

Yeaaaaah Raaaaaaph, grow up 🙄🙄🙄

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕‼️‼️‼️

Anyway 😾

I came into his room bc he was working on the mutagen thing

Oh…

Poor Don.

He’s been working on that thing for ages

Thanks for doing that, Mikey.

I’m sure he appreciates it.

He better

My shell hurts from supporting his big ass

DAMN

Just go to bed, Mikey— b4 Leo kills the both of us

Love ya bro

See u when u and Don wake up

Love you guys too 💝💘💖💗💓

Mikey smiled as he turned off his phone, putting it on Donnie’s nightstand as he relaxed against the bed frame. He rubbed his brother’s shell comfortingly, humming a small tune softly.

“Hey, Mike?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you for this. I…didn’t know how much I needed it…thank you. I love you.”

Mikey smiled brightly, squeezing Donnie a tad bit tigther, “Love you too, Don. Now go to sleep before you become more wrinkly than you already are.”

“Oh, fuck you…” Donnie chuckled, drifting off to sleep along with his little brother.

Things weren’t perfect. I mean, they never will be. They never would be.

But being apart of a team means your never alone.

And being apart of a family means you’re never alone.

And as long as Donnie had his…he’d be quite alright.

He can finish the mutagen later…as of right now, he needed to go the fuck. to. bed.

And thanks to Mikey, he can finally do that.

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚FIN˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

(P.S.: If you enjoyed this fic, please consider reblogging!!!)

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Ten. Faces

warnings: swearing, hate comments word count: 4.1k (not including pics)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!

**********

It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.

The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.

But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.

Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.

Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.

-

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.

A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.

"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.

After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.

"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."

"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"

Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."

"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"

"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."

This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.

"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.

"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"

Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"

"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.

"I seriously will kick you out of my house."

"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.

"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."

"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.

The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.

*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*

Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.

A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.

She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.

"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.

"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"

"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"

"Okay."

"Just okay? What's up?"

"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"

There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"

"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.

"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"

"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."

"Oh. Really?"

"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.

"Oh. Then why...?"

She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."

"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."

"I know."

"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."

Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?

"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."

Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.

"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."

"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."

He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"

She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"

"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."

"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"

"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."

She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."

Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.

Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.

She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.

"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.

Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."

"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."

"Can I see it when you're done?"

"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."

"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."

"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"

"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."

She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."

"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.

"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."

"Disgusting!"

A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"

Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."

"Are you talking to Bugsy?"

He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"

"Hi, Sapnap!"

"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."

"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."

A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.

"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."

"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."

"That's punishing yourself too though."

"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.

"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."

She had been caught. "It was implied."

"Sure it was."

"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"

He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.

Her smile dropped. "Clay?"

"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.

To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.

"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"

His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"

She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."

"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."

"Whatever."

"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"

"Very scary."

"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.

"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."

"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"

"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."

Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."

"Who knows if I'll actually go?"

"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."

"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."

Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.

"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."

"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.

"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.

"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.

She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.

He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"

"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"

He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."

"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"

"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"

She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.

"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.

"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???

"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.

She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.

His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.

Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.

She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"

She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."

"Aw cute, I made you blush."

"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"

"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"

"Sure you were."

"I was."

"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."

"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"

"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."

He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.

This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.

"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.

There was a long pause. "W-what?"

"Y/n."

He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."

"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."

"I would have been content never knowing."

"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.

"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."

It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"Bug? You okay?"

"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.

He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."

"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.

"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.

"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"

He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."

She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.

"By the way, check Twitter."

"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.

"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."

She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.

"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.

Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.

"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."

"Booooo," he pouted.

"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.

"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"

She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."

Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.

"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.

"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."

"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."

"It's okay when I have people like you."

"People like me? What does that mean?"

"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.

She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."

"Goodnight."

**********

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[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[rqs902]

.

yang chaowen is really a sensitive kid... man he brings out renyu's song's feels and then brings up ylq to relate to the lyrics bc he knows his friend isnt getting as much appreciation as himself. (this makes even more sense after ylq said he had been crying before ycw went onstage and ycw was comforting him... and then after ycw came off the stage, it was time for ylq to comfort him from crying TT) Their friendship is really something. But then ycw saying he just gets ripped for getting screentime for crying all the time ouch but i dont get the feeling that hes doing it for attention but maybe im becoming partly biased towards chaowen :) 

Lol the fact that they focus so much on xzx and how hes favored by gjm but feels like it's unfair to be treated uncomfortably by other trainees as a result... all i can say is, what do u expect, of course the other kids will be salty, their lives are on the line and theyre getting nothing close to the attention you are, so unfortunately u cant win everything :(

Lol I see why everyone on twitter is annoyed at gjm... Jackson is literally trying to say something meaningful and mentor-like to su er and gjm literally interrupts with his own opinion.... jackson is like unable to finish his thought. and then when Cheng xiao is actually trying to give ma haowen advice, gjm just goes WELL I DISAGREE, THIS IS RENYU'S FAULT and everyone's like wtffffff???? And then he starts saying people can help Xinhai with his terrible dance (ouch) but renyu didnt help haowen sing and Huang enyu MY CHILD just goes: but dancing and singing are different....... and I'm just smh.... gjm really shouldnt act like he knows everything when hes the only mentor with zero actual relevant experience :( Poor renyu literally looks like hes about to burst into tears, ma haowen looks so sorry and appalled renyu's getting yelled at and none of the other mentors seem to agree with gjm lol 

lets appreciate renyu’s song, its really good!!! 

Lol this whole mentor segment is a mess but man chaowen and renyu won a lotta votesss ayyy

I think xue en seeing hwh as a pro rapper shows him humbling himself, since hes technically a more seasoned and popular idol performer

Cheng xiao fangirling over xue en I mean SAME hahahahahahaha awwwwww yzx being soooo genuinely happy for xue en is the cutest!!! Aw cto friendship and xue en crying :’) actually one thing ive noticed i feel like yzx seems like a genuinely kind and cheerful friend, maybe people are bashing him bc he pushed off some leaderly responsibilities to lin mo in the last round but maybe hes just not someone to take on a strict leader role (looks at aj from afo...) and realized that since lin mo has such experience and is really good at it, it makes sense to respect his experience and skill and let him take on that role. of course its unfortunate that means lin mo worked extra for less recognition, but i think it seems like yzx really respected and admired him so im hopeful what happened wasnt due to mean intentions 

watching chen junhao feeling lost oh man :/ maybe he hadnt fully prepared himself for the idol life when first coming on this show. its unfortunate reality that in this kind of idol survival show, the focus is more on stage presence and face and performance, rather than the music itself. Hopefully he really feels that hes found a path forward through this performance. This is a really real way to present him but I'm sad theres not as much focus on li chenxu when this is hissss song

Man both the self composed songs are really good!! Mann them making this song a dance song is really hard to watch for li chenxu bc its makes it hard for him to shine at his own song which is sad :( also lzx's rap is questionable lol but cjh's vocal part in the middle part is so emotional, I hope he felt like he was able to express himself fully there

Lol does gjm not realize they didnt have a choice to not dance. Lollllll cheng xiao literally said they had too much to do and tried very hard but he didnt listen.

Aww jackson teaching them about team work :') o gosh I have PTSD about jin fan getting classified as a vocal now after uuu..... also not surprised the entire segment was about sxl and even the judging portion lol....

Oof Jin fan's voiceeee I love

Man why does Jin fan always get stuck in not dance songs ><

more appreciation for xu zhaohao vocals pls!!! imo sxl has a poor attitude :/ he doesnt perform calmly under pressure and isnt doing well at making a good atmosphere for practice

LOL why do i feel like lin mo is always saying "song" things hahahah hes really a kid

but mannn yan an just walking into the elevator is so oof

Aw duan xuyu is too nice... but I guess this is the leader in him coming out

Aw yan an immediately encouraging xikan when he lost the center to him

Lolll xikans little “heheh” when he won 

Mannnn ngl even tho yan an leaves the show, I kinda wish he had a bigger role in this perf bc it's literally like his jam.... chinese style influenced dance.... I wish he had at least 1 memorable dance move, like I feel like Luo Joe already had one in the last perf and he has one again here (and hes very talented and he deserves recognition!) but yan an has yet to really show anything and im scared hes gonna just disappear soon :/

They all did so well tho!!! Truly a group of dancers. Really made me want to rewatch the whole thing immediately. altho the beginning I cant unsee the lin mo meme LOL 

and xikan did really well!! His stage presence is real. And hes put effort into his facial expressions

Luo Joe being cute is iconic

Aw yan an cheering on lin mo when revealing his votes!!

Aw I'm surprised 100 ways kids didnt get more votes.... lol ngl i feel like this show is just randomly adding vote bonuses in for random reasons not prespecified for kids they like.... cough gjm yet again

but oo the next ep looks fun hahahha im excited for a happier ep thats not as stressful.

Ycw keeping it real 2020: "im not good at controlling emotions.... i hope if you want to cry or laugh do it loudly, dont care about what other people think"

ok so maybe im liking more new kids than i expected, but i think thats a good thing that the show is making them likable and some kids are able to stand out! honestly i realized I kinda can see why they eliminated so many to begin with. It's sad but also kinda nice tbh (ouch, i know) bc if they really got rid of the ones who have less skill, it makes it easier for the others who dont have to teach from zero (cough lin mo) And then those with skill get to have at least 3(?) stages, unlike qcyn where jin fan got eliminated after only doing 1 silly stage lol The skill level of the stages is also raised, like there's multiple groups of almost all people who are well qualified. im sure the kids are happy that they get to do more stages, im sure that means a lot to them. 

At least on snzm they attempt to give most trainees a positive light and give screentime to more than just the top 10 trainees. and they allow someee time for vocals, dancers and rappers to get appreciation (even tho dancers are still dominating lol)

but yea honestly I disliked the judging on pdc2019 too tho so at least the judges here can be supportive... at times. it is SUPER biased and gjm is very vocal despite his lack of knowledge tho lol 

it's so bad bc I feel like my standards for shows are so low at this point. my standards get lowered with every show I watch. It's like I guess the snzm songs are okay bc I hated the ones on afo more so at least the stages aren't thattt bad lol At least the rules/general setup aren't as terrible as they were on afo..... at least the camera time isnt as biased as it was on qcyn.... sigh the show isnt doing great, and itd be best if the show would help the tygers get more popular, but I guess its prob better than just doing nothing at star master lol. 

qcyn was just painful to watch from "spirit of the knight" onward bc momo literally was buried, mistreated, disrespected and taken advantage of. at least on snzm he gets some screentime and positive recognition.....

tbh i like snzm, maybe thats an unpopular opinion, but at least there have been some really great stages, where the kids really get to shine. at least i can confidently say that bc of snzm, i have met some new kids who i will be sure to follow for new music moving forward :) 

[hoodiehan]

Concert Experience

I’m not sure how to exactly.. section off this entire thing by topic so I’mma just jump in and go for it and say whatever I remember. This is going to be hella long because I have a LOT to say about the entire 2 1/2 hour concert lmao. 

Here’s a link to the setlist for the concert!

I made a setlist of all the songs that were played! Including the songs that were played during the VCRs! But the only song I didn’t include was Mixtape #2 because that was played during a VCR and also none of the mixtapes are on Spotify lmao.

Ah okay okay before the concert STAYs started chanting “STRAY KIDS EVERYWHERE ALL AROUND THE WORLD” then during the ments, the boys started chanting it back to us and we chanted it to them and ;-; yes. Then we also chanted “WE LOVE YOU! WE LOVE YOU!” and I think it took the boys by surprise a little bit, but then they started chanting it back to us and it felt wonderful :’) being apart of that.

YOU GUYS. I’M SO SMALL. AND THE VENUE HAS SEATS. BUT FOR SOME REASON EVERYONE STARTED TO STAND UP AND ;-; I BARELY SEE BC I’M SO SMALL. I HAD TO STAND ON MY TIPPY TOES AND JUMP A LOT TO SEE PROPERLY. MY CALVES HURT BECAUSE OF ALL THE TIPPY TOEING I DID LMAO.  But Chan saw all of us standing and he said “Seeing you guys standing up makes us want to go even harder” and like YES BOY. YES LOL

So I sat in P2. In the Orch R Section (right side of the venue) in row F, so I was also 2 rows away from P1. ;-; But tis okay, ‘tis okay. 

During the ments, the lineup goes: Minho Jisung, Jeongin, Felix, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Changbin and Woojin. From right side of the venue to the left side. Changbin and Woojin were standing right in front of my section and OH MY FREAKING GOSH THEY ARE SO ETHERAL. LIKE WOOJIN. MY MAN. YOU A WHOLE MAN. HE’S SO ASLKJGHASKJLG SURREAL LOOKING LIKE I CAN NOT BELIEVE. AND CHANGBIN. HE’S SO SO SO HANDSOME IN REAL LIFE. AND HE’S SO FREAKING BUFF ? IM SO SHOOK I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. BUT HE ALSO LOOKS SO INTIMIDATING ? AND LIKE IDEK. OKAY PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT CHANGBIN IS ˢᵉˣʸ. LIKE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND THIRSTY, GROSS OR ANYTHING BUT HE JUST HAS THIS WHOLE AURA AND VIBE AROUND HIM THAT SAYS “Yeah, I’m here, I know what I’m doing, the effect that I have on you all, and I own this stage” AND THAT CONFIDENCE. IS VERY ATTRACTIVE.  I’ve said this like 20 times lmao but there was a girl sitting 2 rows ahead of me who had a Changbin banner and she would hold it up whenever he looked at us. He saw her banner, waved and smiled to her SO MUCH. PLEASE GET A BANNER FOR A MEMBER STANDING ON YOUR SIDE OF THE STAGE. THEY WILL SEE YOU AND THEY WILL GIVE YOU ATTENTION LIKE I PROMISE YOU. Also he FLIRTED SO MUCH WITH THE FANS. There was one moment where Changbin looked at a fan in the first row and he just gave her this look that was so different idek how to explain it. IT WAS A GOOD LOOK THOUGH. But the girls behind me saw the look he gave her too and said “Oh who was HE lOoKinG AT”. 

Stays cheered so so hard for Changbin! Like I’m so happy that they did too because he deserves it! And every time we cheered for him, he would always kind of smile shyly and ugh adorable. Not to say that we didn’t cheer hard for the other members either. We cheered so loudly and so proudly for everyone! But Changbin was just definitely louder and more energetic. 

Jisung is my bias and he was on the other side of the stage so I didn’t exactly look over at him that often because I was sort of focused on getting Changbin and Woojin’s attention lmao. There was one moment where he came to my side of the stage during Yayaya and I had to stop jumping, screaming, singing and just look at him and realize “Oh my gosh he’s actually real and here”. He’s so absolutely beautiful my heart flutters every time I think about him. Jisung was also wearing a button up shirt with sleeves that were attached with strings. A few of the strings came undone during the concert because he was going so hard on the performances but it was so cute :) 

Here’s a picture of what he was wearing!

SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL I LOVE HIM. At first his sleeves were rolled down at the beginning of the concert (I think) but then he rolled them up to his elbows halfway into the show and FRICK. THAT’S MY WEAKNESS. BUTTON UPS ROLLED UP THE ELBOWS AHHHH

Then he changed into his sleeveless hoodie/tank top and HOASGKLJASHG HIS ARMS HIS ARMS HIS ARMS HIS ARMS HIS ARMS

YES M Y BOY. FUCK IT UP. GET THOSE GAINS. HAWK YEA LET’S GO.  He’s so BEAUTIFUL. 

Anyways moving on. I took so many pictures I wanted a new wallpaper for my phone (because before it was from the BTS concert from September). My wallpaper is a picture of the boys saying goodbye to everyone, and it’s like perfectly placed because all of my apps are on top and the pictures are clearly seen on the bottom with heavenly yellow lights shining down on them :) Then my lockscreen is a live photo of Hyunjin hugging Jisung and ugh beautiful yet again. Fans did the fan chants during the concert! But it was kind of quiet. bUT WE WENT SO HARD DURING VICTORY SONG, MIROH AND YAYAYA! Like those songs were the most hyped up and it was so fun !! 

Tbh idek what to say for the concert because it went by in such a blur :(  They only had 2 outfit changes during the concert too. But then for the hi touch they changed outfits. They performed a lot of songs back to back and they did it so energetically idek how they do it because I was just standing there singing, and I was already exhausted by the time that My Pace played lmao. 

Ah okay okay. Chan made Seungmin speak SO MANY TIMES LOL. But it’s funny because Chan would say, “I think.....” then he looked around the stage then looks at up Seungmin and says, “SEUNGMIN wants to say something !!” And Seungmin would just go like “Ah” and shake his head but then he would introduce the next song. :) It was super cute.  Chan also talked a lot about “first times” and how precious and memorable they are. He was really excited about this being his first time in LA and about performing in LA for la stays it was so cute :))

Then Hyunjin talked about coming to Disneyland when he was smaller and he said “But because I was so child I can’t remember it” and UWU. BUSTED 10000000 UWUS FOR HIM !!! 

Changbin also spoke so much English ! i’M SO PROUD OF HIM DID I ALREADY SAY THIS? IDEK BUT HE SAID SO MUCH IN ENGLISH AND HE SPOKE SO ELOQUENTLY IT WAS AMAZING !! Woojin, Jeongin and Minho didn’t say as much. But they spoke in Korean and there was a translator. :) Minho tried to speak in English during his ending ment but he forgot what he said. Stays were trying to cheer him on by saying “YOU CAN DO IT!!” But he got shy, and just said “I LOVE STAY”. :)) He’s so adorable I love him.  There was also a person performing sign language for a Stay on my side of the venue too. Chan saw them and took a moment during the concert to say “can we just take a moment and applaud the sign language translator!” Chan is so cute he really notices everything idk he’s adorable HE’S ADORABLE. 

The girl in front of recorded the entire concert and honestly I respect her because my arms got tired of holding up my phone after like 1 chorus lmao. Also the girls behind me screamed so loud I hope that their throats are okay today. I was sitting next to the speaker too, so hearing all the screams in the arena and sitting next to the speaker did not help my hearing at all LOL. My ears were muffled at the end of the entire thing.

Also idk if it’s my hearing being messed up or if it was real life but their voices are so much more high pitched irl? Like Seungmin was so nasally and Jisung was like ᵘᵖ ʰᵉʳᵉ. LOL But during the hi touch, Jisung sounded deeper. Felix sounds the same irl and holy frick I love him. I love him. I love him too.  The boys are absolutely so cute they kept looking at everyone around the entire arena and they kept seeing “I love you Stay!”  Woojin also said during the concert “La is pretty but Stays are more pretty” and AHHH We all went wild HAHAH. During their aegyo part, thEY ALL KEPT ROLLING AROUND THE STAGE AND I WAS LIKE ??? IS THIS ALLOWED ??? HAHAH. Chan said “The name’s Bang... Bang Chan” and aksjlgh THE CROWD WENT WILD FOR THE MAN. Hyunjin had the cutest aegyo though :’) He did a flying heart and caught it and ugh beautiful.

During Get Cool, Changbin changed the lyrics :’). He changed the lyrics from 막내 오다 주웠다 훗 이게 형 클라스죠 (Maknae, oda juwoda hut ige hyung geullaseujyo) to “Stay, I love you!” and gave a finger heart. IT WAS PRECIOUS. Also.. Voices just hits so differently irl. Seungmin’s part in the chorus when he sings “Break free from the voices in my head”  just HITS. SO. DIFFERENTLY. IT’S AMAZING. And when Chan sings “Step out of the voices” is so powerful I can’t even explain. I recorded the part where Changbin and Jisung are doing their duo rap because IT’S SUCH A POWERFUL MOMENT.  Insomnia is... IT ALSO HITS DIFFERENTLY. Something about all the Stays singing “I can’t sleep” with Chan is so emotional idk. But Hyunjin singing in Insomnia UGH BEAUTIFUL. THE ENTIRE CONCERT. BEAUTIFUL. MINHO HITS DIFFERENTLY IRL. LIKE HIS SINGING IS SO ANGELIC AND WONDERFUL I LOVE HIM ! I LOVE ! HIM ! Hyunjin did a body roll because he was doing a “sexy version of My Pace” and wow my boy. Right there. Really going at it. 

THEY KEPT SLAPPING EACH OTHER’S ASSES DURING AWKWARD SILENCE LMAO LIKE OKAY THAT’S GREAT HAHAH During Felix’s part where he went “Marbling” someone slapped someone else’s but I can’t remember who asgkjh it was funny though because like their bottoms were facing us and you can just clearly see them slapping each other lol

Also some fans got a project together and they made red cellophane sleeves and blue sleeves for the lighsticks. During Hellevator we all held up our red sleeves and during Grow Up we held up the blue sleeves. It was sooo pretty being apart of the blue ocean in Grow Up :)

Then during the Mixtape #2 VCR, it showed clips of the boys doing their individual introductions during the survival show days. It sort of broke my heart in a good way. Idk how to explain that properly. But just seeing how far they’ve come... when it’s also only been a year.. and seeing how much they’ve grown and improved.. I love it so much. I love being a Stay. It’s sincerely one of the best things ever. 

Also since the concert venue was smaller compared to other concerts, I found the entire thing to be really cute. Because it was all so small and personal. We could really interact with the boys, and they interacted with us :’) I mean I sure would love to see them perform at the Honda Center, Staples Center or The Forum too. But this was a beautiful start. Having this small little concert and being with them :) 

The fans though... they’re such a beautiful sight. During certain parts of the concert, it would be pitch black. But the thing was, our lightsticks shined so brightly that it lit up the entire room. It was such a beautiful sight I loved it so much. 

I had a lot of fun at the concert though (as you can probably tell heh). :) It was just so fun being surrounded by other STAYs, singing, dancing, doing fan chants and more :) I love our boys so so so much and I miss them so much already. They’re really the light of my life. 

[inazumafocus]

Tagged by the sweet sweet @shawn-and-aiden-frost-9 thank you dear❤️

Nickname: Nene! I’m Nene everywhere, even in real life, because my brother started calling me that when he was little and it’s usually the nick for the name Irene

Height: *deep sigh* 1.56cm yeah I am 22 and very smol, yeah, they usually think I’m 14 and I know I should be happy but IM NOT WHEN I WANT TO WATCH UNDERAGE MOVIES AND THE ASK IF I’M ABOVE 14!!

Time: 01:20

Favourite song/band: gosh mmhh well one song that is forever in my fave list is “Amsterdam” by Imagine Dragons and rn I love the Måneskin, go check them out they’re italian but sing in english too and DAMN THEY’RE GOOD! But my fave artist EVER is Adam Lambert❤️

Song stuck in my head: “Royal Doulton Music Hall” from Mary Poppins Returns. That movie was sssso good and the songs were amazing and so damn catchy yo! Plus “Zero” by Imagine Dragons from the new Wreck It Ralph movie!

Last movie I watched: well when I started this test it was SPIDERMAN INTO THE SPIDERVERSE! (GO. WATCH IT. NOW. A masterpiece of animation, a diverse cast, a really good plot and awesome characters! Gogogo) but rn is the new Wreck It Ralph which is also super amazing with a RAD DESIGN AND REALLY DELICATE THEMES TREATED FUCKING WELL CHECK THAT OUT TOO MAN!

Last thing I googled: “blue screen of death 85” because I needed THAT as a reaction gif LMAO

Other blogs: ugh I have so many but I’m gonna tag my ask blogs @asktheb4andafuro @askinazumastuckanddigizuma  and my aesthetic one @extranaestheticinjection (pls go check that one out if you want/have time🙏🏻💕)

Do I get asks: mmmhh yeah I have some affectionate but only when I do an “ask thingy” I don’t really get asks outside of it and it’s a bit of a bummer because I LOVE to talk!

Why did I choose this url: because, as I mentioned before, I love to talk and I wanted a blog to do that but everything would’ve been about Inazuma. Therefore Inazuma (theme) + focus (as in “a focus only on Inazuma). Plus a funny thing: my bro runs a secondary blog about a video game and its called @fablefocus  so I just went and said “yo what if I made a focus blog just like you!” But I’m not serious like her, I love to create memes and shitposts and those are a focus on Inazuma as well ahahaha

Following: ...58. Look I’m kinda picky but I love everyone really

Dream trips: Japan, Oregon (and other places in America as well) and Cornwall but I really just want to travel ALLLL over the world, it’s my big dream

Favourite food: everything that has fish in it. Gods do I love fish mmmm- plus donuts!!

Instruments: uuhh kinda did piano when I was a kid but never stuck to it 🤷🏻‍♀️ so none

Hair colour: original was a dark blonde(?) but I dye it black bc I love it

Languages: italian and english!

Most iconic songs: mh for me? This is kinda dumb but the one song that really always makes me sing and dance is the Digimon Adventure Opening, the italian one ahahah, it will forever be part of me since it’s mu childhood

Random fact: I tend to get more depressed during winter, that’s why I don’t fancy those cold cold months...

Zodiac: Virgo (but I have so few things in common with my Sun ugh, I feel much more alike to my Moon in Scorpio)

Nationality: Iiiitaaaaliiiaaaannnnn, from Rome to be even more specific~

Favourite fruit: apricot and melon, gotta love those sweet summer delights

Seasons: SUMMER FOR THE REASON UNDER “random fact” also then I can wear shorts and CROP TOPS ARE MY L I F E plus vacation and the sea and summer nights and HHHHHH I LOVE

Scent: rain, any body of water, the air before and after the rain, delicate vanilla, delicate cinnamon, books (they really have to be mild scents or my nose will die! I can’t even pass by the detergents’ sector at the supermarket or entering a Home Decore shop and Lush is just an agony when I need a bathbomb ;u;)

Colour: black, purple, used blue jeans(?), ALL THE PASTELS, ALL OF ‘EM, but also neon lime and neon fucsia bc I’m a walking paradox

Animal: uuhm dogs and really all the animals? But not insects. Never the bugs. Only bumble bees are cute.

Coffee, tea or hot cocoa: ehm none- I don’t really drink many stuff, just water, coke and some fruit juice heh

Average hours of sleep: ...five at best? Six at times, eight/ten only on vacations- listen I have a fucked up sleep schedule

Favourite fictional characters: AAAAAAAAAAAA SO MANY!! Kidou Yuuto, Fudou Akio, Kaemaru Ichirouta and Afuro Terumi from Inazuma Eleven; Agon, Rui, Jumonji and Hiruma from Eyeshield21; Nabiki Tendo from Ranma 1/2; Nico di Angelo and Reina from Percy Jackson; Monoma Neito and Iida Tenya from BNHA; Yamato, Sora, Taichi and Ken from Digimon AAAAA LETS STOP I LOVE AND ADOPT TOO MANY KIDS I DONT WANT TO CHOOSE

Year in which this blog was created: few months ago tbh, 2018 :’)

Hogwarts house: Slytherin, the real kind not the stereotype thank you very much. I’m kind and friendly but sneaky as well and I’d kill for my friends FUCK STEREOTYPES

Favourite artists: uuhhhh too many tbh, just gonna tag some I’m friends with hejdkdkwlsk bc I don’t wanna annoy anybody @reaversgloriousmanbutt-art @ygreczed @zibiremu-ert @xxlovelyrose95xxartbook PLUS I LOVE VAN GOGH AND BOLDINI

aaand taaggiiing @reaversgloriousmanbutt @zibiremu @miyabinopenguin @midorikawawas @funips @des-det-fo if yall want ofc <3

[swearronchanel]

8.08

how did the series fly by this quickly? anyways, let’s see how it ends

Aww poor Val

Now Shelagh and May, I can’t with all the sadness already

Vanessa Redgrave isn’t helping either ugh

But I’ve missed the nuns being nuns and singing I’m glad they squeezed some in

It’s so hard to be stuck in the middle like that, sorry Valerie

Now a teenage girl with cancer wow they REALLY wanna make me cry tonight

Shelagh always keeping herself busy lol omg like that to do list is serious

How many kids does this lady have damn

did he say Schroeder like the Baroness in sound of music? my subtitles skipped that and my hearing is shit apparently 

Val didn’t even put makeup on, you know she can’t even

“I’ve rather missed the cinched in waist” there’s my Trix

Also love her plaid pants

Cutting the photograph right in half ugh this is terrible

Lucille is so sweet

Ugh I feel that I hate hospitals so much

ANGELA SPOKE!! I’m shook

MAY SPOKE WHATTTTT!?

this is sad but I’m too shook that both of these silent little girls just spoke it’s a Christmas in March miracle

this is so rough bc we know Val’s gran really didn’t mean to cause harm. It’s all the system’s fault man for making women’s lives so difficult

What’s wrong with Reggie?😭

Phyllis!! Ugh I’ve missed her. The lack of her has been unappreciated

Also I still love Ms Higgins LMAO I want Phyllis and her to go out somewhere

Omg I’m in tears I can’t like this is heartbreaking, my grandma is my number 1 I can’t imagine being in Val’s situation

Someone tell me what’s wrong with Reggie and who must I fight to solve the issue !!!

Aww and now May’s gone 😭 

LMFAOOO SHELAGH AND FRED

the swat of the hand is a mood 😂

RIP to the disco ball, symbolizing my energy crashing and burning

LUCILLE DEFENDING VALERIE YESS

but i would’ve thrown hands like 1) do not talk to me like that & B) mind your business bc it’s between my gran and me

“Gentle sir” I still believe Sister MJ has a platonic crush on Cyril and I love it

LMAOO oops they’re all in their slips omg too funny

Remember when the girls had funnier lines like Trixie asking Jenny Lee if she was naked and indecent when knocking on her door? 😹

Aww now Vi everyone is succumbing to tears can we stop PLS

Why is this conversation so pure? Cyril is a gem

Poppet😭 Sister Hilda sounding like Mrs Potts

“I’ll teach you” ok I really like Sister Hilda

Pub money omg

“How nice..” LMAO Sgt Woolfe really has trouble with the curve 😭 is he naive or just too persistent

But Phyllis is smart af to set them up so she’s free from him😂

“You fixed that tap” LMAO I love Reggie

GIRLFRIEND! 😭 “no, beautiful” PUREEE

YAy Phyllis is coming home *starts singing in the key of one last time from Hamilton, Phyllis Crane is coming homeeeee*

“If only the laws were different” preach Val. We know the real villain. 

“No one can go through life without experiencing any pain at all” ain’t that the damn ugly truth 😞

Lucille giving her a gown ugh my heart

Reggie writing a letter to his lady again my heart

Ugh now the dad has a sob story this is all too much

Now Sister MJ will say something that’ll hit the feels as well

“None of that defeatist talk” remember when the Dowager Countess Violet Crawley said “don’t be a defeatist my dear, it’s very middle class” LMAO I miss Downton but let’s continue

Another baby girl

Ugh more feels why is this finale so damn sad

Sgt Woolfe sent Ms Higgins flowers, get ittt girl

Omg this is too much sadness I can’t

The tears in sister Mj’s eyes 😭

Dr Turner and Fred having a little moment is honestly sweet. They’re such dads

“I am the elder” OK SISTER MJ WE HEAR U SIS !! Sister J can take a seat! you know if she were around this series..

poor Fred was so worried

Not gonna lie I lowkey didn’t see this coming. I thought May was really leaving. But you know love gotta conquer all or this isn’t a ctm finale Lmaoo 😂

And now the Turner’s officially collect kids ((it’s a It Takes Two (1995) reference  LMAOO pls don’t come for me ill stop))

May is adorable & I love her

MS CRANE IS BACK IN ACTION YES HELLO OUR SOVEREIGN LONG MAY SHE REIGN IN NONATUS HOUSE SHALL WE POP OUR ROLODEX’S IN HONOR

“Where would I be if not along side you?” GOSH SISTER J MORE TEARS FOR ME

SISTER MJ PULLED UP TOO, UGH I CANT MY HEART

I can’t take the wigs serious like why do they wear them LMAO

England really can’t let go of a lot of dated traditions can they? like the 18th century looking wigs and well, monarchs 😂😂

“They never said that to Cinderella” it just gets more sad by the minute

EXCUSE ME SIR DONT SNAP AT BEATRIX FRANKLIN LIKE THAT

Cath came omg

Can there be one smidge of happiness pls ? I need some hope here

She’s changing her plead to guilty omgg

6 years oh shit

“Until you girls with all your training and all your learning sort something out with the men who make the law..” PREACH GRAN

ABORTION BEING ILLEGAL ONLY STOPS SAFE ABORTIONS FROM HAPPENING!!! yelling at brick walls at this point

I’m so glad Val and her Gran are made peace😭

the nurses serving princess looks😍😍

FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS WALTZ I CAN NOTTTT

PATRICK, MAY, AND ANGELA

IM IN TEARS GOOD FREAKING BYE

ScHRODER DRESSED IN CINDERELLA BLUE SOMEONE HELP

Phyllis holding a random girl and Sister J holding Angela 😭😭

“Gathered together we find our light, and each spark shifts and multiplies scattering its radiance on our ordinary lives. Like everything precious, more valuable when shared. Like every common miracle, made of the stuff of stars.”

Omg Violet brought Jane I cant

“Let the line shine...See the hope, see the promise.. Tell your truth. Tell your story. Tell your love.” WOW feels

THIS WASNT ENOUGH HAPPINESS LIKE I KNOW THATS LIFE BUT STILL I NEED MORE POSITIVITY TO GET ME TO CHRISTMAS

can’t believe I watched the entire series in real time, from London like wow life is crazy

But my time is halfway done already, catch me watching the Christmas special back on my couch in the states. ok bye see ya maybe in december

[huangfilms]

Aged Up!Jaemin

summary: so my boss has been trying to set me up with her son for a while and i’ve never even met him and she doesn’t show pictures, but once i do meet him i find out that her son was my crush from high school many many years ago,,,, h elp || aged up au

(A/N) OKAY QUEENS! the results for the recent poll was jaemin! i swear i will get to All Of The Members soon i just need some time! also!!! please leave me feedback ! thank you kids and i hope you enjoy! (ps, once i write more and more, ill make a masterlist so u can see all of my works easily!) warning: this isnt edited cause ya girl TIRED

so... it was morning time

your alarm was blaring in your ear and you Did Not Want To Get up.

you absolutely loved your job (whatever that job may be, it is up 2 u)! but why did it have to start so early,, ya know? 

also,,, it’s your boss,,,,,recently she’s been sweet talking you and it’s really uncomfortable since you two aren’t really close

and she always mentions her son

she goes on and on about how sweet he is, or how much of a gentleman he is. not to mention how handsome her son is

did i mention she’s always saying, ‘you’d be perfect for my son.’

and you’re just like??? oh 

but today when you got to work, a sister SNAPPED

if you heard about your boss’ son one more time then-- well you’d get fired but anywho

so you got annoyed and told your boss, ‘if i say yes to going on one date with your son with you be quiet?’

and she went quiet and then had This Look on her face

next thing u know, she has the BIGGEST grin and then side-hugs you

you feel Awkward but whatever,,,, so anyway she 

she tells u that u should b ready at ur home at like 4:30 or something since u two are going on a ‘date’

and then ur like??? wtf TODAY and she says uh,, yes.

and so u see her pull out her phone and then u Just Know that she’s texting her mystery son and then you get Anxious

well shit my dudes

life is crazy like that,,,,, so then she says that he is going to pick u up from ur home and ur like,,, he knows where i live now

okay!!! it’s ok kids,,,oof!!!

so time skip to 3:00 when your shift at work is d o n e and then u go home to flop on ur bed

Then You’re Anxious cause oh shit,,, ur going on a date with a person that u don’t even know. sike u thought

and so u change out of ur work clothes and throw on like a sweater or something and jeans or whatever

u have like 10 minutes to spare before that guy comes here and you’re kinda nervous,,,,,,,

but he is here EARLY OH MY LORD 

so u have like a peep hole on ur door and u take a peak thru it and oh 

oh my

you wha t

this boy behind the door is none other than the kid you used to crush on in high schoo l,, na jaemin

he never liked u back bc he never noticed u but,,, u ,,, got over it,,,,,,,,,

you could not believe that ur boss’ son was THIS DUDE,,, 

you start to pace back and forth because what if he recognizes you,,, oh My Gosh

okay well anyway

you suck it up and then open the door because he’s been waiting for a while ksdjhfalksjhf

u notice that he’s looking down and he starts to speak when he looks up but then he stops

‘hey--’ and he just Stares At You and u start to wonder if he Does Remember You

and then he says ur name Which Means He DOES oh jeez and u were so close to slamming the door in his face because you Cannot Handle but it’s okay, everything is okay..... 

‘haha hey,, um jaemin’ 

REAL UWU HOURS BECAUSE THIS CRUSH WAS UNREQUITED AND U NEVER FORGOT ABOUT IT UNTIL LIKE UR,, THIRD YEAR OF COLLEGE HEADAHHHSDLJFHAK

okay well now that u guys Clarified That You Remember Each Other

you became x27439823847398739384709213378468 more nervous because How Will This Go

okay wait,, how did he know ur name LMAO did he,, dare I say,,, remember you????

cause if he did then WOW life really is crazy

so then he starts to talk or whatever about going to the nearest coffee shop cause he feels drained and exhausted, ngl,,, you feel kinda tired too

so you guys are just like walking there and he’s been trying small talk like,,, what have u been up to since high school? 

and u get so Shook because,,,, he noticed you LMAO 

i mean you were always the shy one who got mediocre grades but never really broke the rules and hung out with like,,, one person.

u STILL hang out with that on e person and that dude is ur best friend jeno

but anyway,, you knew about jaemin in hs because of jeno, they were in the same friend group and jeno always invited you to hang out with them but u really weren’t comfortable with that LOL

so yeah u saw jaemin and took a liking to him because he was really sweet from what u heard from jeno,,, that boy would NOT stop talking about him to you because u became interested

i mean moments pass and u dont know how to feel anymore

so anyway,, u two make it to the shop and then u take a REAL good look at him when he goes up to order for the both of u guys

he’s aged really well,,, too well like honestly--- edges: Snatched

he just looks so,,,, good. and you just Know That You Have Lingering Feelings that you never really got over and they seem to be resurfacing

FEELINGS U BETTER STOP!!!

so he comes back with the drinks and he looks at you now while ur staring out the window,, just sippin ur coffee

nd he noticed that YOUVE grown,, u look way more mature and youve lost ur baby face,, oof

u kno he actually did like you back then,,, i mean if either one of u would have just TALKED to each other smh cjsjdjs

but whatever, in the past right? sike

so the date was coming to an end cause he had some stuff to do, so u guys swapped phone numbers

ever since then, u guys have been texting each other non-stop and always hanging out when you can

his mom?? she can tell that something is different with u because u arent grumpy in the mornings anymore HAHAHA

u start to smile more and become distracted on ur phone cause jaemin is always texting you

and his MOM JUST KNOWS OKAY

so she asks u about it like,,, half a year after u guys first met up

and u say smth like, ‘oh haha your son is such a kind soul,,, andimayormaynotlikehim’

its honestly really funny cause she been knew that jaemin had a small crush on u during hs cause he always talked abt u but never knew u were gonna apply for the job u had now and she cant believe that she remebers that WOW

so anyway she just has This Smile on her face all the time cause u make jaemin so happy

and so one day u and jaemin meet up back at that coffee shop

and then u two order or whatever and then he comes back with A Very Serious Look on his face and u get scared™️

but when he comes back he just shyly smiles and says a Long Speech

‘so i know that we’ve established that we remember each other from high school, but i just wanted to clarify that i like you, more than a friend. i really like you and ive liked you since i first saw you in the hallways all those years ago. i mean, when we went our separate ways i shoved those feelings aside but now that youre back in my life, so are those feelings i have for you. everytime i look at you, i just want to kiss you or hold your hand and i just—‘

but youve stopped listening because your whole being is: Shook

he just said that he liked you omg,,,,,

HE BEEN LIKING YOU OH MY JEEZ

AND THEN U JUST CUT HIM OFF BY REACHING OVER AND HOLDING HIS HAND AND THEN HE TURNS P I N K AND ITS ADORABLE U ALMOST COO

and so you say, ‘jaemin,, i really like you too.’ AND U BOTH JUST GRI N

AND SO HE ASKS TO KISS U CAUSE HES A WHOLE ASS GENTLEMAN

and so when u nod ur head he just SMILES AND THEN KISSES U

its SLOW AND ITS FULL OF PASSION AND IM SUFFERING MY UWUS: ON THE FLOOR EVE PLS GET ME A MOP AGAIN

A D WHEN U PULL BACK FROM EACH OTHER, U GUYS JUST SMILE SO HARD THAT UR CHEEKS JUST START TO HURT AND THEN HE ASKS U THAT™️ QUESTION

‘will u b my baby’ : )

AND THEN U SAY YES BECAUSE!! WHOLE CATCH U REALLY LIKE THIS MAN

SO the date is over, he walks u home, and when u get into ur house u dont see that he fist pumped in the air and nearly YELLED

so u go into work the next day and you are just HAPPY

and his momma Knows So She Looks At U With A Huge Smile

and then she lets u be cause U ! MAKE ! HER ! SON ! HAPPY !

so anyway jaemin as ur bf,, a real Dream

he would always drive you home from ur dates, pick you up from ur work,,,,

sometimes he would even sleep over , the dude has his own soace in ur closet and a toothbrush

WAKING UP TO HIS FACE IS SO GOOD CAUSE HE LOOKS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL IN THE MORNING SUN

and its such a Good Ass Time my ass is Suffering omg

but anyway!! jaemin is such a sweetheart u could not believe that u didnt talk to him in hs cause you guys wouldve been together longer🤧🤧

anywho!! end!! i cant believe his momma set u two up 😪

Masterlist

[valleyofthefae]

MAC MAC MAC ,,, answer all the number ask questions .... I dare ya 👀

i accept ur dare 👀👀😎

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?my little sister probs ? 
2. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy af !!!
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?my nana tomorrow !
4. Are you easy to get along with?ummm,,,, i feel like im not but idk how others feel about that
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?hmm,, idk ? 🤔
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?ppl who look like they dont sleep very often (dane dehaan for example), ppl w/ pretty eyes, or interesting personalities tbh (idk what i mean by that, im thinking about Grimes & Billie tbh) 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?heck nah 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Dane since i mentioned him up there ^
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?yup
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?You probably !! 💕
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“haha, okayyy 💓💓!!!” to u 👀
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Bellyache by Billie Eilish, Grrrls by AViVa, Pretty Head by Transviolet, The Gunner by MGK, & party favor by billie eilish :) 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?mhmm!!
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Eh, kinda??? I believe in miracles, luck not so much
15. What good thing happened this summer?idk,, that was 5ever ago 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell no
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?yes !!!
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?nope :) i was too scared to talk to them in general tbh 
19. Do you like bubble baths?i used to !
20. Do you like your neighbors?yeah!! some of them, i live by a lotta old people & theyre really nice !!
21. What are you bad habits?ummm, biting my lips/insides of my cheeks && some other things 
22. Where would you like to travel?Canada, Europe, some places in Asia, & other states !!
23. Do you have trust issues?yeah :/
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?makin tea 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?all of them
26. What do you do when you wake up?i look at what time it is 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?im actually okay with my skin color now, i used to wish i had lighter skin though 
28. Who are you most comfortable around?you !!
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?nah
30. Do you ever want to get married?nah
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?yup!! :)
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?🙅🏽‍♀️
33. Spell your name with your chin.um,, maheczwi tried :)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?no, i played softball like 6 years ago tho (i hated it)
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?tv !
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?yeah!
37. What do you say during awkward silences?i dont know if i say anything ? 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?someone who isnt a terrible person
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Claire’s, FYE, antique places, goodwill
40. What do you want to do after high school?i have no ideaaa
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Depends on what they did
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?idk, it can mean a lotta thingsbut tbh, im always quiet so who knowsss 
43. Do you smile at strangers?if they smile at me i do :)
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?dang man, idk !!!! is both an option 👀👀
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?on school days, my alarm bc i have to climb down a ladderon weekends, having to go to the bathroom does
46. What are you paranoid about?my friends secretly hating me,, and probs other stuff 
47. Have you ever been high?nope :)
48. Have you ever been drunk?nope :)
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?no :) 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Black 
51. Ever wished you were someone else?25/9
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?The way my brain is wired
53. Favourite makeup brand?Hard candy probs 
54. Favourite store?claire’s
55. Favourite blog?hmmmm, idk i follow a lot !
56. Favourite colour?pastel pink, blue, purple, gray, & white
57. Favourite food? apples
58. Last thing you ate? some chicken marsala thing 
59. First thing you ate this morning?oatmeal
60. Ever won a competition? For what?I dont think so ? 🤔
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?nope !
62. Been arrested? For what?nope !
63. Ever been in love? nah! 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?it was w/ one of my childhood friends & tbh, that’s all i remember 
65. Are you hungry right now?,,
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?i dont have tumblr friends tbh
67. Facebook or Twitter?ummmm, i dont like either 
68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?yup! im watching tom & jerry 😎
70. Names of your bestfriends? youuuu ! 
71. Craving something? What?strawberries tbh 
72. What colour are your towels?umm we got some gray ones & some purple ones !
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?one or none tbh 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?mhmm!!! theyre at the end of my bed (they make there way up to where i am tho) 
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?👀👀👀👀👀 15-25 is a good guess,, for the ones on my bedi have a lotta stuffed animals 
75. Favourite animal?fox, bunny, soo many othersss !!!
76. What colour is your underwear?purple
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla, tbh
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?vanilla
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?a pink & black one :)
80. What colour pants?black 
81. Favourite tv show?Looney Tunes
82. Favourite movie?hmmmm,,,,, idk honestlymy fav recent movie is wonder woman 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?ehh, not really a fan of either one !
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?ive never seen 21 jump street soo idk 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Karen (??? idk, the one played by Amanda Seyfried) 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?the octopus (idk her name), & Gil
87. First person you talked to today?my sister maybe ?? i honestly have no idea
88. Last person you talked to today?my sister 
89. Name a person you hate?😉 we all know who i hate w/ a passion (hint: the name starts with a “n”) 
90. Name a person you love?Alyssa, Billie Eilish (it only calls for one, but i love billie) 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?myself 
92. In a fight with someone?nah
93. How many sweatpants do you have?likeeeee 2 pairs i think 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?dang idk tbh,, i have a lotta hoodies && at least 5-7 sweaters 
95. Last movie you watched?Bolt 
96. Favourite actress?ahhhh !! i have too many, soooDove Cameron, Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Emily Browning, Gal Gadot, Ástrid Bergés-Frisbey, Hannah Murray, Christina Ricci, Lily-Rose Depp, etc !! 
97. Favourite actor?Dane Dehaan, Cole Sprouse, J D*pp, Freddie Highmore, etc
98. Do you tan a lot?no ?
99. Have any pets?i have a dog named layla && some fish !
100. How are you feeling?not too swell :/
101. Do you type fast?heck yeah man !
102. Do you regret anything from your past?so many things 
103. Can you spell well?i’d like to think so, im not too bad at it :)
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?mhm 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?nope !
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?idk, honestly
107. Have you ever been on a horse?ive been on a pony, does that count? 
108. What should you be doing?nothing atm !
109. Is something irritating you right now?yeah,, but it’s all good !
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?no
111. Do you have trust issues?aye (this is up there somewhere too) 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?idk honestly
113. What was your childhood nickname?Kenz
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?mhm!!! ive been to texas, other states going to texas, Washington DC, Mexico (i was hella young), other places bc of my sisters meets, && yeah :) 
115. Do you play the Wii?not anymore 
116. Are you listening to music right now?no, i might tho 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?yeah
118. Do you like Chinese food?yeh, some of it 
119. Favourite book?hmmmmmmmmmm, idk !! 
120. Are you afraid of the dark?yes 
121. Are you mean?i can be 
122. Is cheating ever okay?nope
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?ive never owned white shoes !
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?no
125. Do you believe in true love?no
126. Are you currently bored?kinda
127. What makes you happy?um,, seein my bestest buddy, talkin’ to my bestest buddy, seeing cute animals, and listening to music 
128. Would you change your name?yeah, tbh
129. What your zodiac sign?Aquarius :)
130. Do you like subway?no
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Idk,, i wouldnt like em back tho
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?this ones up there too !
133. Favourite lyrics right now?“Call me calloused, call me coldYou’re italic, I’m in boldCall me cocky, watch your toneYou better love me, ‘cause you’re just a clone” - COPYCAT by billie 
134. Can you count to one million?gosh i hope so
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?hmm, idk ive told a lotta dumb lies 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed !!!! always!! 
137. How tall are you?5’3”
138. Curly or Straight hair?curly/wavy
139. Brunette or Blonde?brunette 
140. Summer or Winter?winter (even tho i hate winter)
141. Night or Day?Night
142. Favourite month?october
143. Are you a vegetarian?i wish
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?none,, tbh 
145. Tea or Coffee?tea
146. Was today a good day?nah
147. Mars or Snickers?neither
148. What’s your favourite quote?hmm, idk atm
149. Do you believe in ghosts?yes
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Selling their bog recipes and crone aphorisms and schoolboy spells! It makes me sick.”from the Wicked book

[jeonniez]

a “should we know us a little better” tag

RULES: you must answer these 89 statements and tag 20 people

Tagged by: @tae-all-day aka the best person in the whole world 

THE LAST:

1. Drink: lol water. i am boring

2. Phone call: my doctor’s office to confirm my appointment

3. Text message: my dearest Court 

4. Song you listened to: “My Body” by Young the Giant

5. Time you cried: i think like Monday(?) night cuz my anxiety was kicking my ass

6. Dated someone twice: nah mate

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: well i mean, considering I’m aroace and actually hate kissing more than a peck a lot basically anytime I’ve ever kissed someone cuz i thought i was supposed to

8. Been cheated on: nope nope

9. Lost someone special: mhm

10. Been depressed: highkey still am my dudes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i’ve only ever been drunk once and it was supervised by my father so i did not throw up

LIST YOUR THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. YELLOW, black, red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yep (<3 love you alexus)

16. Fallen out of love: does friendship love count? im saying it does. yes.

17. Laughed until you cried: YES

18. Found out someone was talking about you: i literally learned that some guy in my grade that i’d never met told the entire tennis team that i was his first kiss this year

19. Met someone who changed you: yep

20. Found out who your friends are: a thousand times yes

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i dont have FB whoops

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: see 21 lol

23. Do you have any pets: 2 dogs that I love with my whole heart and would die for

24. Do you want to change your name: when i was younger i wanted to but now i dont really care either way 

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i went on a scavenger hunt around town with my brother

26. what time did you wake up: 6 am cuz the world hates me and work exists

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i literally went to bed at 7 pm last night bc my life is boring and my sleep schedule is a mess

28. Name something that you can’t wait for: my Fall Out Boy concert in October

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: for dinner like 3 hours ago

30: What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: there are so many things my dudes the list could go on forever

31. What are you listening to right now: “little darling” by Lewis Watson from my acoustic playlist on Spotify

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: idk probably

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my boss 

34. Most visited website: Tumblr or YouTube

35. Mole/s: i have one on my cheek area and one just below my armpit for some reason

36. Mark/s: I have 2 birthmarks on my leg and lots of scars everywhere

37. Childhood dream: singer and/or librarian because apparently young me loved books as much as old me does

38. Hair color: brown, some people say honey to make it sound prettier but it’s brown

39. Long or short hair: kinda medium rn. ive had it v short and v long before 

40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope

41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes are really cool

42. Piercings: I have eleven all in my ears

43. Blood type: maybe A or AB? something with A in it i don’t really remember 

44. Nickname: well my full name is Allison but people use Allie so consistently that Allison might as well be the nickname. My friends call me Alz and my family calls me Alliegator

45. Relationship status: pringle (like single but hungry)

46. Zodiac: Scorpios unite

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV show: The 100 currently but Avatar the Last Airbender is an all time fave

49. Tattoos: one on my wrist 

50. Right or left hand: Right

51. Surgery: does wisdom teeth count?

52. Piercings: we already went over this. eleven

53. Sport: I’ve played basketball, soccer, and softball competitively but currently there’s none

54. Vacation: i dont think i’m going on vacation anytime soon, but the coolest vacation i’ve been on was my trip to Europe

55. Pair of trainers: I have a pair of bright yellow Doc Martens that I treasure with my whole being

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: nothing rn but we had tacos for dinner

57. Drinking: water again lol

58. I’m about to: watch more Brooklyn 99 cuz i’m on a binge watching spree 

59. Waiting for: COLLEGE OMG IT’S SO SOON

60. Want: for my back to stop hurting like an old woman’s

61. Get married: i mean, if any of my friends wanna marry me and be permanent roommates that’d be epic but probably nah

62. Career: I wanna work with kids for sure. maybe speech or occupational therapy

WHICH IS BETTER?

63. Hugs or kisses: HUGS FOR DAYZZ

64. Lips or eyes: EYES EYES EYES EYES

65. Shorter or taller: taller

66. Older or younger: older

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: i don’t really care? just be happy

68. Sensitive or loud: loud

69. Hookup or relationship: relationship 

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker i guess

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: no

72. Drank hard liquor: yes

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses literally every day lol

74. Turned someone down: I’ve broken up with people before does that count?

75. Sex on the first date: sex is ew. sex never.

76. Broken someone’s heart: gosh i hope not

77. Had your heart broken: yeah

78. Been arrested: nada

79. Cried when someone died: i cry when dogs die on tv let alone in real life

80. Fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: not at all omg

82. Miracles: no

83. 83. Love at first sight: nope

84. Santa Claus: I wish tbh i’d get more presents

85. Kiss on the first date: i feel this does not apply to me. i mean, i’d peck-kiss my friends but most people do not like that so i do not

86. Angels: yes? a bit? yes. 

OTHER:

87. Current best friends: Courtney, Alexus, Nathan, Hanna

88. Eye color: green

89. Favorite movie: Deadpool, Spirited Away, or The Nightmare Before Christmas

I def don’t have 20 friends/mutuals/people to tag so I’ll tag @sopeotp @tomato-goddess @goldenskychild @bewareoftaehyung  and @soulanjello / @parkjiminivan  

[kimbapcrying]

Journalism!Jimin

jimin is such a radio-television-film nerd

he loves broadcast so much especially during football season when he gets to run the technical board for the big screen

he even gets to go with his friend taehyung, who’s the photographer for the newspaper, to these events and it’s just all around a good time

he also just loves telling the camera people what to do (highkey lowkey he loves the power)

but even though he’s super passionate about broadcast and he loves the class he’s in and the friends that are in it, he really just wants to do film and be a cinematic bitch

it’s always been jimin’s dream to make a cool feature length film, but when he tried to sign up for the film class the scheduler messed up and put him into broadcast and his optimistic ass was like “hey u know what that’s okay”

this boy is just all smiles and happiness and everyone in the program loves him because he’s always making news packages and feature stories that look AMAZING and he is just such a kind soul yes

he also loves being on air and he’s definitely the most well known person at school because on air he’s such a cutie and everyone is like wow! that’s the broadcast guy

he’s also pretty well known bc he’s on the dance team and he’s amazing and people are like wtf ur just perfect?

he’s just always willing to learn new things and he’s open to so many options

even though he’s pretty well known, the school is pretty big and there are teachers who are like “oh, the announcements are on let’s just shut it off and use these ten minutes to do more work:)”

(bc like the broadcast runs everyday for like 10 minutes at like 10:45 am)

(just to... be clear)

and you happen to be in one of those classes

your teacher is like we have more important things to do than get information on the school :)

and you were like :/ because you didn’t want to do work, but you honestly didn’t care too much since you didn’t understand anytHING in this class so any time was good time to catch up

but one day your teacher wasn’t in class bc he was sick or something and the sub just kind of let the announcements run and you were like okay whatever i’ll just ignore this and keep doing work

but like you hear the softest and most a ngel ic voice in the world and immediately you’e enraptured

like your eyes are glued to the screen and the cutest person you’ve ever seen in your life and he’s cute with his orange hair all swept back and his smile eyes and you’re like “wow! would ya look at that”

you didn’t catch anything that he actually said though

but like you’re essentially i n  l o v e  with this boy now

but you straight up don’t know his name or shit about him

so late you’re at lunch with ur friend hoseok and you’re talking about the cute boy with orange hair on the broadcast and he’s like “OH YOU MEAN HIM?” and turns and like points to him and ur like fuck hoseok what the fuck

so like hoseok being Hoseok catches his attention obviously and he like looks over with his cute wide eyed confused face like “what who me?” and ur like god damn it he’s still cute

and he looks at hoseok pointing and you trying to shove his hand down and gives a big eye smile and you’re melting

but he just looks back at his lunch and hoseok turns back and everything is like normal except your face is burning from embarrassment

hoseok: his name is jimin

you: thanks you didn’t havE TO EMBARRASS ME TO TELL ME THAT

the next day your teacher is back and he shuts off the broadcast like normal but now you’re kinda sad that you’re missing out

like u got a taste of jimin

and once u jimin you cant jimout

you kind of give up on the idea of seeing the broadcast again and go back to doing your work but now your mood is like :(

but then you remember snapchat exists bc hoseok sends you a snap of jimin on the announcements with like 400 wink emojis all over it

and immediately you’re like “pleASE ke ep sendi ng me snaps of hi m”

and hoseok is like “okAY gosh...”

so that’s how u get ur daily dose of jimin

which is admittedly a little weird but hey listen ur school work load does not allow very much time for cute broadcast boys

so you always go to cafes to study bc like u have a lot of work that u need to get done and you need a shit ton of caffeine to stay awake and every time u go u got like bags under ur eyes and u probably look like you’re on the verge of a breakdown but this is what u get for wanting to take the hardest damn classes

and you’re sitting there trying to type ur 1000 word essay that’s definitely due at midnight and tbh you actually are about to have a breakdown

and you’re so concentrated on your essay that you don’t even notice someone set their stuff down across from you until there’s a tiny hand waving in front of your screen

you’re super annoyed like who the fuck is breaking your concentration and about to curse at this guy

but u look up and make eye contact with none other than pa rk jimin himself

and your mouth is kind of hanging open like wh at is happening am i having a fever dream i s this real have i becom e so tir ed that i am hallucinating?

and he’s like “hey, the rest of the cafe is full, is it okay if i sit with you and work? I won’t bother you” and he gives u a cute shy lil smile and you’re like ho w could i even t hink to say no

so he plops down and pulls out his laptop and starts working and you’re like flustered but you gotta keep working

so yall just sit there in silence for like two hours doing your own respective work

and you’re kinda glad jimin is there. his presence relaxes you for some reason

after u finally finish your essay and you feel good about it and submit it you like shut your laptop and start packing up and you’re super satisfied like yes i really did that 1000 words bitches take that professor

“are you leaving?” jimin is like giving u a damn cute look like his elbow is on the table and his head is leaning against his hand and he’s smilin and you’re like “...... yes?”

and he closes his laptop and packs up too and you’re like “wh at” and he’s like “let’s get food!” and you’re like “w h a t”

jimin: there’s a burger joint a few doors down let’s go

you: you don’t know me?

jimin: i wanna get to know you ;)

and you’re like wtf... is he flirting? (also that was cheesy as fuck who does he think he is)

but you end up going to get food with him anyway

and you’re like why and how is this happening?

yall order and sit down and jimin is being a damn cutie just all smiley and shit

(he’s so fucking cute i don’t think anyone would be able to handle it)

and he’s talking to you and you’re kind of responding, but you don’t really know how to handle this situation because you definitely didn’t expect your night to go like this

eventually you’re like “why are you doing this, i don’t think you even know my name?”

and he’s like “yeah i do! it’s Y/N right? hoseok told me lmao we’re buddies on the dance team”

and you’re like “oH” and also in ur mind like god fucking damn it hoseok why didn’t u tell me

and then you’re like “you’re on the dance team?”

and he lights up like yeah! i love dancing! it’s super cool and fun and i love everyone

and you kind of fall in love with the way he just lights up

and he just keeps talking about how much he loves dance and then it becomes how much he loves broadcast then he’s like talking about how he wants to become a filmmaker and a director of photography and he’s all over the place but it’s really cute and you listen to every word he has to say

and at the end of the night yall are walking back to ur cars and he’s like “waIT fu ck i wanted to get to know u and i literally just talked about myself the whole time” and he looks so sad ? and you’re like wtf ? stop being cute?

and you kinda giggle like “here lemme give u my number and we can talk more”

and he fucking lights up like a damn christmas tree again and you’re like yeah im dead for this boy

he hands u his phone and u put ur number in and ur like there :) it’s all good

and he looks so happy he like leans in and gives u a kiss on the cheek and is like awesome! i’ll catch u later and runs off

and again you’re like w hat

and once you get home u have like a ton of texts from jimin

all of them have winky faces in them

he’s like “tonight was fun ;) let’s do it again some time ;)”

after that he’s always inviting you to e v e r y t h i n g

especially his dance practices and the sites he has to film at

you: i have homework

jimin: do homework while i’m dancing! we can get food after

and you guys start spending ALL your time together

bc when you two are working both of you are so concentrated, but yall just enjoy each others presence so much it’s relaxing and easy (which u really liked bc ur literally always stressed about school)

and he never officially asks you out, but everything just kind of falls into place?

like one day yall were back in the cafe and he was editing a video and you were doing ur calc hw and he was probably like “hey babe can you grab me some napkins” and you were like “babe?” and he was like “ho ld on that jus t slipped ou t” and you were like “omg... it’s fine i mean... i can be your... exclusive babe?” and he was like “;)” and you were like “stop that”

and yall become the chillest couple in the world

yall push each other to do the best u can do like he always supports you with ur work and ur like “yeS that is my BOYFRIEND on the announcements”

and even though u don’t actually get to watch the announcements, jimin would definitely try to sneak tiny shoutouts to you, even though the teacher is like don’t do that. he’ll like type a tiny “love u” in the corner of a graphic bc he’s a cheesy motherfucker

at one point jimin invites u to one of his film contests and ur like yell heah i’ll go

you also want to go bc he never shows u his films like he’ll show u the stuff that he works on for broadcast but when it comes to cinematic stuff he’s like “it’s a secret;)” and ur like fuck u

and u didn’t really know what to expect bc like what is a film contest even like

you hadn’t even watched his film yet bc he REFUSED to show u

but at the event, they were screening all the films and u see this one that’s just like so cinematically b eau tiful and it just immediately draws u in and ur like hol y shit and jimin is like haha guess who made that

and ur like “hol y shit u did that?”

and he’s like “yeAH i did that” and ur just so proud of him

when they announce winners jimin’s film gets first

and he’s like so happy he picks u up in a hug and twirls u around and yall are like “yEEAH”

in the heat of the moment he gives u a big kiss

and you’re like !!!

and he’s also like !!! bc tbh neither of you expected him to do That

but you’re like fuck it and pull him in for another kiss

he’s all skinship after that

he loves giving u light kisses while ur working

you’re like “ur distracting” and he’s like “;)” and you’re like “stOP DOING THAT”

one day yall are just laying around and cuddling (damn cuties u two) you’re like why’d you even sit with me at the cafe that one day like what made u do that

and he’s like “well u know that one day when hoseok was being loud and pointing at me or whatever” and ur like “oh god yes don’t make me remember” and he’s like “well, i thought u were cute and i asked hoseok about it and he was like lmao they’re into u, but like i didn’t actually decide to get close to u until i saw how cute u looked concentrating on ur work in the cafe and u also looked like u were about to cry so i wanted to keep u company”

and ur like okay that’s cute stop being cute? and hes like no

and you two are just the cutest and most hardworking but lowkey couple. you guys just understand each other really well and work hard for what yall want and it’s good it’s just a good time and you guys love each other so much it’s ridiculous

yall are probably the type of couple that’ll be like laying on opposite sides of the room doing your own respective work and jimin would probably look up at u and see u workin real hard and he’ll be hit with how much he cares about u and he’ll just be like “god i love u” and ur like “i love u too” bc it’s just so natural for yall

Journalism!Taehyung (link)

[tayegi]

Hii u lovely creature. First i just wanted to say i love ur work, this last chapter was...quite shocking since well how Jk was talking and reacting towards the OC. Im really not good with theories really and specially if i gotta write them down in english but i was thinking since u said this would have 3 parts that maybe...just maybe was like one part of each of the characters? Like one were we view in detail the feelings of the OC, then JK and the Jimin? Maybe? Idk sorry. Anyway love ur work :)

Anonymous said:Thank you for being able to find the time to write equilibrium, and thank you for being able to find the time to update it as well- and come on tumblr at all tbh. I know it must not seem like it but most of us really really appreciate it. Please don’t feel rushed to update and take as much time as you need. Thank you again for your work.

Anonymous said:hey! thank you SO much for continuing equilibrium. I’m really enjoying the plot and character development. its very interesting and you do a rly good job at weaving all the layers of meaning together. you’re one of my favorite writers 💗 hope ur having a great day!

Anonymous said:(3) I wonder what is it that jimin saw on jungkook as well, I don’t think that just good looks and the fact that he is good at a lot of things are enough to fall in love or accept being in that kind of relationship ¿ or maybe yes or I’m missing something. Anyways I absolutely adore this fic!! I love your detailed descriptions and how you put important little things and hints and how you think of every single word!! Really thank you for sharing it with us! You have created a huge masterpiece.

Anonymous said:(2)The days when jimin went away must have been the best days of his life, and I wonder now with Jungkook away how the dynamics between jimin and the oc would be, especially her. It would be really wow and not wow at the same time if she turned like kook. I doubt because she knows she doesn’t have a “connection” with jimin, and is more than aware that he wants jungkook. But maybe things will change like they did with him.

minsuguk said:(1) It surprises me how the oc feels about jimin, accepting jungkook’s possesiveness and mad terms in order to keep him in that crazy relationship which is the only way she can have a just little bit of jimin. But again, I’m not surprised because it’s kind of what Jungkook felt ¿ I mean he saw something in her, and she saw something in jimin. And jungkook was aware of her and jimins feelings and he proposed being together in order to be with her as well.

Anonymous said:I want to feel bad for all of them, but I feel bad for none of them. That’s a lie I feel slightly bad for o/c but shes doing it to herself because she wants to keep this tiny connection to Jimin and that’s the start of her problem! All in all this is gonna end badly. I knew that necklace was gonna come back and bit her in the ass.

Anonymous said:(part 2) You know how Jungkook is all fucking crazy in denial about having a connection with her could she be in the same denial except (but not crazy) I mean Jimin had to have noticed the reader was always with him in the beginning now they don’t even touch each other its all so fucked up because you cant feel bad for anyone at this point (I am scared for the reader though because how far will jungkook go if she let jimin touch her)

Anonymous said:Jimin CAN’T be oblivious to this whole situation if he was able to hear his name being called when Jungkook was fingering the mc he had to have heard something else. Could he be ignoring this situation to make sure he is able to stay with jk the same way jk and mc are using each other for the same thing? bc if it was obvious that jimin was in love with jk before anything happened did he have to “get through” 1 on 1 with the mc like she did with jungkook (part 1)

Anonymous said:oh dude the relationship in equilibrium is on the verge of becoming a huge trainwreck but i can’t stop reading it cos i want to see how big of a trainwreck it will become. can’t wait til we get to the point where the relationship just swerves off the track and just goes kablooey! rip.

Anonymous said:oh my gosh I absolutely adored reading the new chapter of equilibrium! I’m so amazed that you find the time out of your busy day to write so much! thank you so so much for the new chapter. i’m really curious to see how this story line will progress, and I do wonder what will happen with jimin and y/n over that weekend… hmm anyways thank you again!! this is my first time writing to you aha I’m so nervous and also !! I love you please take care of yourself

Anonymous said:I HATE YOU SM I’m kidding I love you lu 💕💕 I can already feel the angst approaching aghhssh I’m going to die

Anonymous said:The new update has me a bit fearful of jungkook. He seems to be a little bit to possessive-at least to me anyways. I wonder if jimin has noticed the change in jungkook as well? When he said that the oc was the only one who understood him it reminded me of the conversation they had in ch4 about his family not approving of his major. When i read that scene the first time, i kinda got the sense that that was why jungkook liked the oc.

Anonymous said:Shook again from Equilibrium updates @.@ Thanks as always!!

Anonymous said:omggggggg equilibriummmm the tension just keeps building and building up I AM SO READY FOR THE SHIT TO HIT THE FAN

Anonymous said:It’s really interesting because there are elements that show a legitimate fear the OC has when it comes to Jungkook. I can’t wait to see more (well I can obv and I will NO PRESSURE FJDKSKSKS but you know what I mean~). Also thank you for updating so often like. I have barely any work & a shit ton of free time and I still just can’t write so you’re??? Like how??? Thank u sm. 💕

Anonymous said:First of all - thank you for updating. You could throw a sentence of Equilibrium in my way once a year and I’d still cry of happiness. And second - I love this story so much you don’t even know. Their relationship has taken such a sharp turn suddenly and Jungkook’s motives are clearer and clearer while the MC still seems to be sort of oblivious? Ah I have so many speculations but there’s not enough characters in asks haha. Anyways it was amazing once again, thank you!

yaja-time said:Equilibrium is too my favorite writings of your.. probably one of my favorites out of all the fics I’ve ever read. But I love it so much I would wait 10 years for you to update. Shit I’d even be happy if you updated with only using 10 words. I understand you have a life and I for one am very grateful for your writings, because they are amazing. So thank you for writing.

Anonymous said:Poor Equilibrium OC :( Sadly this scenario hits close to home with her and Jungkook. But good job as always Lu! I appreciate the work you do, have me on the edge of my seat!

bluefullmetaltitan said:Lol. I’ve been waiting for you to say that!! Yayayay! I support you 100% cause like, it shouldn’t matter how long it takes. I’m in love with all of your writings!! Thank you!!

Anonymous said:bruh, equilibrium tho. i loves it like i loves you. but for real, its amazing and incredible reading smaller details from earlier chapters come back into play and seeing how everything slowly links together (how you have the willpower to write so much is incredible)

Anonymous said:I loved equilibrium babe it's so good keep up the amazing writing I loved the last chapter it's a very good storyline 👍🏼👍🏼 and please In the equilibrium let her end Up with jimin and more jimin smut please 😂😂 seriously loved it 💋💋

Anonymous said:When I first started reading equilibrium I thought it was about the three of them learning how to function in a polyamorous relationship. But in the first 4 chapters, you revealed the MC's feelings towards Jimin, & then showcased Jungkook and MC alone. Then, when Jungkook got possessive, & you wrote Jimin's and MC's back story, I was like, "she's not seriously trying to romanticize this relationship, is she?" BUT YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE SHOWCASING LEGIT PROBLEMS IN A REALISTIC STORY. I AM HERE FOR IT

Anonymous said:Im living for Equilibrium rn🔥🔥🔥🔥, your such a good writer. Loving all your works 💖💖

Anonymous said:why do I feel like jungkook semi poisoned jimin so he couldn't go 😫equilibrium is so good rlly got me questioning everything lol

Anonymous said:Hello tayegi, i just want to say, you're the first writer I read in this bts fandom and im so thankful for that. And im so pumped for equilibrium jajajajajaAaaaa 🙏

Anonymous said:I have to be honest I was all for jungkooks protectiveness in early chapters cause I thought it was hella cute but after reading equilibrium chp 11... Im not too sure anymore. Like he actually made me kinda scared and trapped especially during the end (guess that's how good you're writing is). On a positive note, loving this series and I hope all three characters get backlashes for this messed up relationship lmao

Anonymous said:I don't get how anyone can complain about ch11 being "only 3k" like there was so much that happened in that chapter it didn't even feel like it was "short." I'm even amazed you can write such great quality stories despite being a phd student (do these children know what that is???) AND it's like midterm season rn like the quality doesn't drop despite this. And honestly I feel like these chapters have been getting updated pretty frequently these days I feel really spoiled haha

Anonymous said:EQUILIBRIUM IS SOME OF THE BEST WORK I'VE EVER SEEN ON HERE!!! LIKE I WAS AT SCHOOL TODAY AND I READ EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER AND I WAS SO OVERCOME BY WHAT WAS HAPPENING. AND WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT JUNGKOOK WANTED THE READER TO HIMSELF I GOT SO SHOOK!!!! LIKE I KINDA KNEW SOMEHOW THAT HE WANTED HER ALL TO HIMSELF. HE JUST WASN'T GONNA LET JIMIN HAVE HER ANYMORE HUH? BUT I'M SO EXCITED FOR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!! *sorry for yelling i was too excited for this series ily~*

Anonymous said:Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! There was an Equilibrium update?! *runs to open tab so that it's the first thing I see after class* Bruh, I can't wait to dive in. Thanks for being a thug about all of those comments. Best part about creating works of art/expressing creativity is that you get to make people think, invite them to have an opinion and start conversations. If anything, Equilibrium provokes its readers to have a clear opinion. That's a success in my book. ;) Fighting always! - Happy Reader

yonggukssmolgf said:I love you. I love your blog. I love your writing. I love the equilibrium series. And I just love how you just take your time to update. Like you do things at you own pace and I like that about you. I followed you because you're an amazing person, you love your followers, and you never disappoint with your fics. Thanks for existing and I hope I made your day a little bit happier!🐼😙😀

Anonymous said:Excuse me young lady... yeah I'm talking to you Lu...Yupp.... you're being mad disrespectful, how dare ruin my nights peaceful sleep but updating equilibrium like that... do you not want me to graduate... it's senior year and I'm head deep into my writing... yeah thanks a lot for ruining my life... JK I LOVE YOU 💕

Anonymous said:I just read chapter 11 of Equilibrium and it made me want to CRY! I love the story so far and it's written amazingly well but it's tOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS! I'm super excited for the updates 💙💙💙💙

seokjinniemin said:oml I just finished chapter 11 of Equilibrium and boy howdy am I SHOOK. Equilibrium is by far one of my favorite fanfic series I've ever read! You're such an amazing writer, they way you convey the stress and anxiety of the oc is just phenomenal. And the small details you put into it like damn! I'm so anxious about this and how it's going to progress, especially with the oc and Jimin being alone. I feel like shit is going to hit the fan real soon o_o

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:wtffff please ignore that anon i think you've been updating so quickly!! and i love the story sooo much it's so great no matter how lengthy it is. the content is what matters quality >>> quantity i really love it and know you work hard and appreciate it ❤❤

Anonymous said:Sometimes I think people are just plain dumb. Like, wtf, i am happy that you updated such an amazing story! You do not have the obligation to provide anything for us, you do it because you like it. People should be more grateful and learn to respect. Thank you for de update, you are straight up amazing

aichan11 said:I just read Equilibrium 11, it's so good! I sent you a message before, sorry if it was out of line. Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing :) of course I have my own wishes/hopes about how the 3 people in Equilibrium would turn out but I don't want to risk influencing your writing. I can't wait for the whole balance to just tip over and see what happens. Is that too evil of me? Hahaha

Anonymous said:The new chapter was intense! I wonder what Jeon is hiding.. I feel bad for both Jimin and OC. Poor jiminie doesn't know what that kid is doing, and OC is stuck cos of jjk. I love your work Lu, stay classy ❤️❤️

Anonymous said:ahhhhh!!! another amazing chapter babe!!! Love the dynamic,screwed up characters