#If you want me to continue the chair analysis

[pathologicalreid]

Could I request GN! Reader who is married to Spencer, and they have like a little bet that Spencer cant go a week without coffee? Mostly fluff, but maybe a lil angst bc Spencer gets sick going thru caffeine withdrawls? :D

running on empty | S.R.

spencer makes a bet to give up coffee for a week but ends up foregoing all caffeine

who? spencer reid x gn!reader category: fluff content warnings: caffeine withdrawal, spencer getting snippy, husband!spencer, teasing from the team word count: 871 a/n: a silly little one-shot for you my darling. part of me feels criminal making spencer go through any kind of withdrawal lmao. i hope you like this!!

“He hasn’t been sleeping well,” you answered Derek’s question, looking over to where your husband was staring blankly at the files on his desk. For the past few weeks, Spencer’s nightly tossing and turning had increased tenfold.

Morgan chuckled from across the bullpen, “Maybe it’s all that coffee he’s been drinking.”

The suggestion likely wasn’t that far off, the heaps of sugar Spencer put in his coffee probably didn’t help his sleep schedule either

Putting her two cents in, Emily snorted, “Oh, come on. I’d challenge you to find a member of the BAU who doesn’t have some sort of caffeine dependency.”

Again, she probably had a point. There were at least two members of the BAU who wouldn’t entertain any conversation until they were at least halfway through their first cup of coffee. Spencer’s head snapped up, “I can go without coffee.”

You scoffed, “No, love, and that’s okay.”

“I can go without coffee, Y/N,” he told you seriously, “I’ll go a week without coffee.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you leaned back in your chair and sighed, “Okay, a week without coffee.”

“What does he get in return for going a week without coffee?” Morgan teased, waggling his brows in your direction.

Whipping your head around, you narrowed your gaze at your co-worker, “It’s a secret guarded by the sanctity of our marriage, Derek,” you said pointedly.

Emily had made an excellent point, there was a certain understanding among the Behavioral Analysis Unit that everyone was entirely dependent on caffeine. The issue was that Spencer had cut out all caffeine instead of just coffee.

The first night, he had fallen asleep rather quickly but had been a pain when you had to drag him out of bed in the morning. The second night, he was perfectly fine, but ever since he woke up this morning, he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Figuratively, of course. You had been the one to wake up on his side of the bed this morning.

You leaned against the kitchen counter with your coffee in hand, watching Spencer struggle to pay attention to the words in his book. “What about just a small cup?” You offered, opening one of the cabinets to find a daintier mug for him.

He cleared his throat before snapping his book shut and sliding it into his bag, “Nope, are you ready to go?” He asked, checking his watch to make sure you’d be able to catch the metro this morning.

Sighing despondently, you nodded, drinking the remainder of your coffee in one gulp before setting the mug in the dishwasher, “Yeah, just let me brush my teeth.”

In response, Spencer huffed, “Well, hurry up, I don’t want to be late.”

“Why are the Reid’s looking so put out this morning?” Derek asked when you arrived, holding a travel coffee thermos in his hand while raising his eyebrows curiously.

Shaking your head, you looked at the rest of the team holding their go-bags, the last place you wanted Spencer to be was in the realm of a stressed-out police chief, but the two of you grabbed your things and followed the team out.

Furrowing her brows, JJ eyed Spencer suspiciously, “You alright, Reid?”

“I’m fine,” he said, tapping his foot while you all waited for the elevator doors to close.

Discreetly, you moved your elbow and nudged him, trying to tell him to cool it without reprimanding him in the company of your team.

Groaning, Spencer continued to flip through the filed in front of him, his caffeine withdrawal making it difficult for him to focus on anything pertaining to the case for more than a few minutes.

With the locals out of the room, you gently set a hand on Spencer’s shoulder, “Hey, why don’t we take a break?”

“Leave me alone.” Spencer snapped, garnering the attention of everyone else in the conference room. A lead on the case had left you with Emily, Derek, and Rossi, the latter of whom sped out of the door so quickly you were surprised there wasn’t a puff of smoke in his wake.

Your lips parted, just as surprised as the rest of the team that Spencer had chosen to lash out at you of all people. Setting your jaw, you spun on your heels and marched down to the kitchenette to make him a cup of tea. Begrudgingly, you dropped the tea bag in a mug and grabbed a paper towel for him to set it on once the tea was steeped.

Back in the roundtable room, you set the tea in front of him, “I’m not drinking coffee this week,” he said.

“I know,” you sniped, “That’s why you’ve been acting so impertinent for the last two days.” In your periphery, you saw Morgan and Emily slowly backing out of the roundtable room, wanting to avoid any sort of marital blowout. “Drink the tea, wingnut,” you told him, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

His eyes flickered to the mug, obviously noting the tea bag string hanging from the side of the mug. “Wingnut?” He repeated quizzically.

Raising your eyebrows, you shrugged, “I call it like I see it.”

[halsteadlover]

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐳𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬?

*Gifs not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Female!Reader.

• Requested: no.

• Summary: you and Hotch have occasional rendezvous but each time you promise it’ll be the last even if neither of you seems to be able to stop.

• Warnings: smut, unprotected sex (don’t be like them you guys wrap it if you want to use it!!!), cursing, dirty talk, oral sex m. receiving, basically porn with no plot lol

• Word count: 1824.

• A/N: PLEASE READ THIS ONLY IF YOU’RE 18+ MINORS STAY AWAY. I hope you like this, let me know what you think. Comment, reblog and like if you want and as always thank you so much for your support.

“Oh fuck Hotch you feel so good…-” you moaned loudly as you kept riding him on his chair. Your shaking thighs burned, your aching knees pressing against on his chair as his dick thrusted deeper and deeper inside you.

His hands were gripping your hips as he accompanied your movements, grunting and trying to remain silent while his fingers pressed against your skin so hard they left marks on it.

He let go of your hip and covered your mouth when another groan escaped your lips, making your moans become just muffled sighs. “Shut up, you don't want them to hear us do you?”.

You shook your head, biting into his palm as you placed your hands on the arms of his chair for support while letting yourself get rocked by the immense pleasure he was giving you.

It was a mistake.

You knew it was.

But God what a beautiful mistake.

You couldn't help it.

Since the day you and Hotch ended up in bed one night after a case and a few drinks, you didn’t stop having these rendezvous, neither of you could help it. Every time you promised yourselves it’d be the last, but it was enough to find yourselves close, or your eyes to meet during the discussion of a case, or for some reason his hand to casually caress yours to break this promise.

You were just like a drug for each other. From that first dose you had that night, you could no longer go without that feeling of euphoria and pure ecstasy the sex gave you.

Aaron Hotchner was the most sinful thought that crossed your mind, the forbidden thing you always craved and God did you love it.

Maybe it was the fact you were a BAU agent and he was your boss, maybe it was the thrill of being discovered, maybe it was the taste of the forbidden – hell, what would the FBI have said if they knew the upright boss of the behavioral analysis unit was breaking the rules that he himself continually reiterated to his agents?

This, however, didn't stop either of you, indeed it was as if all this was fuel thrown on the fire, passion and desire you already felt.

At first you both managed to keep that passion at bay, having occasional sex in hotel rooms when you were out of town for a case. But the more time passed, the more difficult it became to suppress everything, to hide that you wanted to rip each other’s clothes off every minute of the day.

And that's why you found yourself in his office that evening, fucking near his desk while there were still some colleagues still in the bullpen.

“God I've been thinking about you and this damn skirt all day… Fuck… You’re irresistible,” he muttered, his eyes scanning your figure sitting on him as his dick fucked your wet pussy.

He was completely mesmerized.

Your skirt was rolled up around your hips, the sheer black stockings you were wearing until recently had been ripped by Hotch in the heat of passion, your panties were thrown to the floor, your shirt unbuttoned and your bra moved as your breasts popped out and bounced to the rhythm of your motion.

You looked like a fucking goddess.

The walls of your pussy started to clench around his dick, making him twitch inside you, your hips stuttering as you felt your orgasm building more and more. It was as if your body was going through convulsions and you couldn't control it, you just wanted and desired that intense pleasure that only Aaron Hotchner was able to give you.

He wrapped his lips around your breast, sucking and licking your nipple as you threaded your hands into his hair and pulled it. You bit your lower lip in an attempt to keep at bay the moans and gasps you was struggling to keep quiet.

“Just like that, oh yeah just like that you feel so good Hotch,” you whispered in a gasp, rolling your eyes and head back. His tongue licked your skin, from your breasts, then moving up your collarbone to your neck, kissing and sucking your skin until he left a mark.

Hotchner wasn't one for hickeys, he wasn't one for office sex in the workplace, he wasn't one for quickies, he wasn't one to break the rules that he himself had set but you managed to break down every single part of his barrier, you managed making him lose control in a way that he loved and hated at the same time, you managed to unleash emotions in him that he had never even felt in his life.

You were hurricane.

You were storm.

You were addiction.

And he couldn't get enough of you, never.

“Shit, fuck,” he cursed, biting and licking the skin of your shoulder as his thumb began drawing imaginary circles on your clit making your muscles tense even more and your movements more erratic. You almost had a heart attack from the intense pleasure that flowed through your veins. “God princess you ruin me.”

A breathtaking orgasm hit over you without any other warning like a raging river, making you dizzy and see stars. Your vision went blurry for a few moments, making you even forget you were in your boss' office and someone could actually hear you.

You tried to catch your breath but at that very moment there was a knock on the door, making both you and Hotch freeze in place, his hard dick still inside you. You exchanged a panicked look.

“Just one second.” Aaron had responded after clearing his throat and then continuing talking to you in a whisper, “Get under the desk.”

You nodded and lifted yourself off his legs, which had turned to jelly as you bent down and picked up your panties. You settled under the desk between his legs while he quickly tried to fix his hair and button up his shirt. He stood up and put on his pants, leaving them loose without bringing them up to his hips.

“Come in.”

Your heart was beating so wildly you could hear the pounding in your ears. You stayed paralyzed under the desk, too afraid to even breathe.

The door opened and you recognized Agent Anderson's voice. “I brought the Porters' case report from five days ago Agent Hotchner.”

He nodded, his expression completely serious and professional as he pretended to fill out a file he didn't even remember at the moment.

“Thank you Agent Anderson, leave it on my desk.”

Despite the fear of being discovered, however, you couldn't contain your excitement and the thought of driving him crazy couldn't leave your mind. You placed a hand on his inner thigh, trailing your fingers along his crotch with sensuality.

Aaron almost had a heart attack when you quietly pulled his underwear off enough for his dick to pop out again, still wet and damp from your fluids and you wrapped your hand around it, starting to jerk him off with slow, controlled pace.

“Agent Hotchner there was a thing about this case I wanted to ask you about…” Agent Anderson had asked.

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Hotch nodded and pointed to the chair in front of his desk, his lips pressed together because he was afraid if he opened them only moans would come out.

Your hand increased its speed and Hotch let out a deep sigh as he leaned back in his chair, about to have a heart attack right then and now.

He looked at Anderson, he heard him talking but his brain couldn't process a single word he was saying, too focused on trying to keep a serious expression and not let on that there was a woman under his desk who was masturbating him.

But the final blow came when you wrapped your lips around his dick, taking it all in your mouth and tasting yourself on it. He let out a small moan which immediately covered with a cough, thanking god Anderson was too caught up in whatever he was saying to notice.

His hand reached below the desk and into your hair, pulling it harshly and making you almost moan at the sensation. This caused you to pick up your pace and Hotch didn't know whether to hate you or not at that moment.

He wanted you to stop.

But also for you to keep going because that fucking mouth of yours was pure ecstasy.

“Are you okay, agent Hotchner?” Anderson stopped at a certain point, noticing the way Hotchner continued to move in his chair and the blush on his cheeks.

“Y-yes, I apologize...” Hotch breathed out. “Lord,” he almost let out a groan which he tried to mask with another cough. “I’m not feeling very well these days. C-can…” he stopped again, swallowing another moan. “We’ll talk about t-this tomorrow Anderson. Excuse me.”

You couldn’t help but smirk to yourself, feeling victorious for making the always-so-serious SSA Aaron Hotchner a complete mess.

His thighs started to shake, his fingers still pulling your hair as you licked his dick, leaving a long string of saliva on his tip. You wrapped your lips around him again and a hand around the base, jerking him off while simultaneously taking it in your mouth. Your other hand rested on his thigh, pressing your nails on his hot skin.

Your mouth felt like heaven and it didn't take long for the orgasm to start building again after it was interrupted.

“Oh yes of course, I'm sorry. Get well soon then, g-good night agent Hotchner.” Anderson replied and jumped to his feet before mumbling some more nonsense and exiting the office, closing the door behind him.

Hotch let out a particularly deep sigh and rested his head on the edge of his chair as he continued to mercilessly fuck your mouth.

“You fucking little slut, you really can't help yourself huh?” He groaned, looking back at you. His grip around your hair tightened, forcing your head down and making you gag. “My needy little whore, look at you chocking on my dick… Fuck you’re gonna make me come.”

How could he make such derogatory names so damn sexy?

It didn't take long for Hotch to explode into an intense orgasm inside your mouth, not letting your head go until he watched you swallow every single damn drop of his cum.

He exhaustedly leaned back in his chair, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he waited for his breathing to calm down.

He took your hands and helped you out from under the desk, letting you sit on his lap and kissing you until taking your breath.

He gave you a sweet little kiss on your forehead, caressing your cheek with a thumb, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear. “You'll be the death of me sooner or later, agent Y/Ln.”

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[raekensluver]

rekindled bonds (introduction)

introduction, part one, part two,

description: reuniting with your old childhood best friend, spencer reid, in the most unlikely of places, the fbi's behavioral analysis unit.

pairing: spencer reid x bau agent!fem!reader

contains: fluff!!, spencer and r reuniting after a decade, childhood best friends to lovers trope.

song rec: pretty boy by the nbhd- "pretty boy, you did this with me, boy."

w.c: 870+

an: if you want to be added to the taglist for this series lmk! i'm planning for this to have at least three parts !!! also i haven't watched criminal minds in forever so, i definitely think i messed up on what agents are on the team in this era....(my bau team is prentiss, morgan, rossi, jj, reid and garcia)

"you know, i never expected to end up here," you murmured to yourself, glancing around the bustling office space filled with a mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces. the hum of conversation and the tap of keyboards created a comforting rhythm that was almost soothing. the walls, lined with case files and maps, whispered tales of a world you had only ever read about.

"you'll fit in just fine," a voice said from behind you, and you turned to find emily prentiss, her eyes gleaming with a knowing smile. "this place has a way of growing on you." she began to lead you through the maze of desks, each one a miniature universe of clutter and chaos, until you reached one that was shockingly neat. "this is where you'll be working."

as you took in the organized space, she continued, "i'm emily prentiss, unit chief. i've heard a lot about you." her hand extended in a firm, confident gesture. "it's an honor to finally meet you."

you took her hand with a warm smile, feeling a sudden rush of excitement. "likewise," you said, your voice steady despite the racing thoughts in your head. "i've followed your work closely. i'm thrilled to be joining the team."

emily's smile grew as she gave a nod of approval. "i have no doubt you'll be an excellent addition to the team." she turned and began to lead you through the office, her heels clicking against the tiles with a confidence that seemed to resonate through the room. as you walked, you couldn't help but feel like you were stepping into a dream - a world of law enforcement and psychological profiling that you had only ever watched unfold on television screens.

each desk you passed had its own story to tell, with case files piled high and personal mementos scattered among the paperwork. "this is where the magic happens," emily said, her voice carrying a hint of pride. "every member of our team brings something unique to the table, and together, we solve the unsolvable."

as you followed her, you noticed a man in the corner, his eyes glued to a computer screen, his fingers flying over the keyboard. something about him was eerily familiar, but you couldn't quite place it. his hair was shaggier than you remembered, and he'd filled out a bit, but the intense focus was unmistakable.

"spencer," emily called out, and the man's head snapped up, his eyes darting around the room before landing on you. "i want you to meet our newest member."

you felt your heart skip a beat as the realization dawned on you. it was him - the boy from your past, now a man with a sharp intellect and a reputation that preceded him. "reid," you murmured, a mix of disbelief and excitement coloring your voice.

spencer reid looked up from his computer, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion before recognition lit up his eyes. "you," he said, his voice a perfect blend of surprise and delight. he pushed back his chair and stood, a warm smile spreading across his face. "i can't believe it's you."

you couldn't help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation. "small world, huh?" you stepped closer, feeling a mix of nostalgia and nerves as he closed the distance between you.

"indeed," he said, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "i never thought i'd see you again, especially not here."

you chuckled, feeling the weight of the years that had passed between you. "life has a funny way of working out, doesn't it?"

spencer nodded, his smile never wavering. "it certainly does. how have you been?"

you felt a flush rise to your cheeks, not quite knowing where to begin. "i've been… good," you managed, trying to keep your cool. "i studied psychology in college, like i always talked about. it's what brought me here."

his eyes searched yours, and you could see the curiosity in them. "i've missed you," he said, his voice sincere. "you were always the one who could keep up with me."

you blinked, surprised by his candidness. "you too," you admitted. "i always wondered what happened to the kid who read encyclopedias for fun."

just as the conversation was starting to flow, emily cleared her throat, her eyebrows arched in curiosity. "you two know each other?" she asked, looking back and forth between you.

you nodded, unable to wipe the smile from your face. "we're old friends," you said, still slightly in shock. "we grew up together."

emily's eyes widened. "really?" she looked intrigued. "i had no idea."

"yes," spencer said, his smile growing wider. "we were practically inseparable until i left for college. she was the one who could actually understand what i was talking about when i went on one of my…rambles."

emily chuckled. "well, that's a rare skill around here. we could all use a little more of that." she turned to you. "i'd love to hear more about your history with reid, but we're on a tight schedule. we have a case briefing in ten minutes."

you nodded, feeling the excitement of the moment give way to the reality of your new job. "of course," you said, trying to compose yourself. "i'm ready."

edited 8.20.24

[ahhnini]

the star - frat!rafe cameron x tarotcard!reader! reader

“know that you’re supported, even when support isn’t always that obvious to you”

warnings - not proofread!

not obx4 bringing me out of my writing slump omg…also this is very self indulgent LMAOO much love to @nemesyaaa for this idea!!

“dude, c’mon!” topper drags rafe down the street, your dimly lit shop lights coming into his view. “nah, I don’t mess with that kind of stuff,” rafe says, shaking his head. “just go in there, ask one question, and then we’ll get out. don’t want me to tell the bros that you’re flaking on this dare,” topper smirked. rafe scoffs, rolling his eyes before he enters your shop, his nose filling with the scent of incense.

“hello?” your voice called out, seeing a tall man slowly make his way towards you. you softly smile, inviting him to sit. you notice his hesitatation, slender fingers gliding over the chair across you.

he gingerly sits down, taking a good look at your face. you giggle, “not what you were expecting, huh?” his eyes glance down at your name badge, reading it out, and his eyebrows furrow together, “you’re in my accounting class, right?” his voice trebles through the quiet building. you nod, “and…you’re rafe?” he hums, crossing his arms. he clears his throat before speaking up again, “I don’t really believe in this stuff, this was actually a dare…hope…you don’t take offense to that in some way.” you give him another polite smile before you shuffle your deck, “it’s okay, I don’t take offense, don’t worry, you are completely entitled to your own beliefs as I am to mine,” you reassure him.

“so…do you have a question you wanted to ask me or do you just want to talk about our accounting homework that’s due tomorrow for an hour straight? I saw your friend waiting outside the window,” you quickly point to topper fidgeting on his phone on the steps outside of your building.

“um—yeah I guess I do have a question,” he hesitates before speaking, “what advice can you give me right now?” his blue eyes sparkle at you, taking you aback for a moment. you nod before you continue shuffling, asking the question out loud and pulling three cards.

you hum, analyzing each of the messages and imagery of the cards. “well—rafe. it may seem you’ve been having trouble with some family and friends lately, you may have been feeling some resentment towards them, not feeling as if you’re being seen. but they do see you, and they’re here to support you, so don’t be afraid to ask for advice; they’re always willing to give it”

his eyes widen, “how—how did you—” he stumbles over his words, “it’s basically a mix of analysis and creativity. you analyze what the cards say and sort of make a story from it!” you beam, “but it’s also a trust of gut, do you see this?” you point at a card in the middle of your pull, the star. this is what stood out to me in your reading rafe; it’s what gave me your advice.” he nods slowly, before softly speaking up again, “um, can I tell you more?” “you have another question? sure—”

“no, not like that,” he grabs your hands from across the table, preventing you from shuffling your deck, “oh, okay,” you put your deck in your box, putting out the candle on your table, “let’s sit on the couch, okay?” he nods, pulling out his phone to text topper to go home.

once you see topper leave, you flip your front door sign to closed, shut your blinds, close your curtains, and turn off most of your lights, except the ones that hung over your cozy couch.

as the night went on, rafe told you about his recent struggles, you listening to every single word, providing him advice not as a tarot card reader, but as a friend.

the next morning, you woke rafe up from your couch, freaking out about your now overdue accounting assignment.

taglist - @nemesyaaa @julie123456897 @mfdoomdickrider @grxnde-dwt @littlelamy @rafeeekam @xcinnamonmalfoyx

[delicatebarness]

the manuscript | prologue

Summary: The first encounter.

Warnings: Age Gap. (Dr Barnes: late 40s & Reader: 18 in this part)

Word Count: 837

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A/N: Oh, hello Dr. Barnes. - Please feel free to leave feedback or let me know where and how you want the story to continue, this is just as much yours as it is mine. - B

Tags: Let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list!

The university loomed before you, the ivy-clad walls and gothic spires stood as testaments to the centuries of academic excellence. Renowned for its rigorous standards, the prestigious institution drew in the brightest minds from across the globe. You stepped through the grand archway, the air humming with the energy of countless scholarly pursuits, each echoing through the hallowed halls. 

You haven’t long turned 18, now a freshman, driven by a passion for creative writing. Your nights were spent hunched over notebooks, pouring your heart into stories and poems. Determined to make the most of this opportunity, you reflected on your talent that earned you a place here. With the best and brightest. It was a new chapter of your academic journey, and it started today.

Dr. James B. Barnes is a brilliant literature professor yet, reserved. His reputation preceded him– known for his profound insights and standards, he was feared and revered by his students. As you approached his office, your heart began to race. 

Tucked away in a quiet corner of the library, stood a heavy oak door with a brass nameplate glinting in the dim light. You took a deep breath and knocked firmly. Creaking open the door, you revealed Dr. Barnes. Sat behind a cluttered desk, his gaze lifted from a pile of papers, meeting yours. Piercing yet thoughtful, there was a moment of silent assessment. 

You felt the weight of his scrutiny as you stepped inside. The room smelled of leather with a faint trace of whiskey. 

“Good afternoon,” you begin, trying to steady your voice despite the nerves. “I’m going to be joining your advanced English literature class.” 

“Ah, yes,” he responded, his tone measured. “You must be the freshman. Please, have a seat.” 

You took a seat in the heavy leather chair opposite his desk. The two of you exchange a few professional courtesies, keeping the conversation brief but charged with mutual respect. You could sense that he had recognized your passion, and you were determined to prove yourself. 

~

A week later, you found yourself attending his class, surrounded by fellow students. His presence was commanding as he stood at the front of the room. A masterful blend of critical analysis and profound insight, his lectures were delivered with authority. 

Your hand raised after a particularly challenging lecture, Dr. Barnes acknowledged you with a nod.

“Yes?” 

“I have to disagree with your interpretation of his work,” you say, your voice clear and confident. A stark contrast from your first meeting with him. “I believe his use of fragmented narrative serves as a challenge to the notion of a singular, authoritative voice, rather than to obscure meaning.” 

The room fell silent, all eyes turned to you. Dr. Barnes regards you with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance. 

“Interesting perspective,” he replied, keeping his tone cool. “However, I would argue that the fragmentation serves more to reflect the chaotic nature of postmodern existence.” 

You don’t back down. “Isn’t that chaos a direct challenge to traditional narrative structures? He seems to be inviting readers to find their own meaning within the disarray.” 

Your heated debate ensues, intellectual electricity cranking the air. Your classmates watched, their gazes swapping between you and Dr. Barnes like they were at Wimbledon as you exchanged arguments. 

Initially, he was annoyed by your boldness, yet you caught a flicker of intrigue in his eyes. You thrived on pushing boundaries and testing limits, in particular, with those you found intellectually stimulating and authoritative. Leaving everyone, including Dr. James B. Barnes, captivated.

“Your argument is well-crafted,” he concedes, a hint of a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “I look forward to more discussions like this.” 

As the weeks passed, Dr. Barnes’ class quickly became the highlight of your week. A battlefield of ideas in each session, a place where you could push your intellectual prowess. Dr. Barnes, though initially reserved, seemed to relish the debates as much as you did. 

One chilly autumn afternoon, you lingered after another stimulating class as the other students left. The room fell quiet, as though itself was in thought and reflection. Dr. Barnes noticed and approached you.

“Good work today,” he said, his tone less sharper than usual. “You’ve brought a new energy to these discussions.” 

“Thank you,” you smile, a rush of pride coursed through you. “Your classes challenge me in ways I never expected.” 

He nodded, “To challenge and to inspire, that’s the point of academia. Keep questioning, you could go far.” 

You smiled again, your cheeks becoming flushed. “I’m glad you’re not tired of my questions yet.” 

“On the contrary,” he said as he leaned closer, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that caused your heart to race. “I find them… refreshing.” 

The flicker of something unspoken passed between you, a deeper connection yet to be explored. His words echoed as you left the lecture hall, the promise in his eyes lingered. 

What were the boundaries between student and teacher? And, could they transform into something more profound? 

- - -

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[tokkiwrites]

in which spencer doesn't appreciate how close you've gotten to Derek Morgan, and even though you guys aren't official, he wants to make it clear who you belong to.

TW: dom!Spencer reid, sub! reader, use of y/n, afab reader, jealous spencer, voyeurism, degradation (kind of), pet names, unprotected p in v (wrap b4 you clap), kind of mean spence idk let me know if i missed anything.

y/n sat at her desk, surrounded by the dimly lit office. The soft hum of computers and the distant chatter of agents filled the air as she diligently worked on her reports. It was another late night at the Behavioral Analysis Unit, and exhaustion tugged at the edges of her focus.

Across the room, she noticed Derek hunched over his desk, his intense gaze fixed on a case file. y/n couldn't help but admire Morgan's dedication and experience, and she often sought his guidance when faced with challenging cases. Tonight was no different as she considered approaching him for advice.

As she contemplated her next move, Dr. Spencer Reid entered the room. Reid had always been a bit enigmatic, his towering intellect often overshadowing his social awkwardness. y/n thinks that's what makes her like him in the first place.

y/n continued to focus on her work, unaware of the way Spencer's eyes bathed in her. She reviewed the case files, her brow furrowing as she delved deeper into the unsettling details of the ongoing investigation. It was a particularly puzzling case, and she knew she needed some fresh insights.

Derek, sensing her contemplation, looked up from his own work and caught y/n's eye. With a friendly smile, he nodded toward her and gestured for her to come over.

"y/n" Derek called out, his voice carrying across the room. "Got a minute?"

y/n nodded in response, grateful for the opportunity to consult with someone as experienced as Morgan. She rose from her desk and walked over to join him, her curiosity piqued.

"What do you have, Derek?" she asked, her tone earnest and professional.

As they huddled over the case file, discussing theories and potential leads, Spencer observed them from a distance, his feelings of inadequacy and jealousy intensifying by the second. He couldn't help but wonder if he was losing y/n's s attention to Derekㅡ not that he cared. It was just... curiosity.

As y/n and Derek delved into the intricacies of the case,Reid remained seated at his desk, his gaze fixed on the computer screen, though his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't shake the growing unease that had settled in his chest as he watched them collaborate.

The office felt tense, and Spencer's inner turmoil was only magnified by the fact that he struggled to vocalize his feelings. He'd always been more comfortable with statistics and facts than navigating the complexities of interpersonal relationships. But as he watched y/n and Derek work closely together, he realized he couldn't stay silent any longer.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer finally decided to join the conversation. He gathered his thoughts and approached them, trying to suppress the wave of jealousy that still simmered beneath the surface.

"Actually," he began, his voice betraying a hint of hesitancy, "I've been looking at this from a different angle. What if we consider the geographic distribution of the incidents? It might reveal a pattern that we've missed."

"huh." Derek furrowed his brows and then looked down at the file again."makin' me question what i know again, pretty boy." all three laugh in unison before Derek decides to sit up from his chair. "I'll head out for some food, don't get to ahead without me, yeah?"

perfect.

did he do all this just to have a reason to sit next to y/n? maybe. did he memorize Morgan's exact schedule so he knew when to come into the office and "make him question what he knows." ? totally.

His intentions were clear, even if his actions were a bit unconventional.

"you know... it's been a while since you last talked to me, y/n. care to explain?" y/n glanced away for a moment, her fingers idly tapping on her desk. She knew she couldn't keep avoiding the topic.

"oh, umㅡ just busy, spence. work...all that." she replied with a soft smile, her gaze returning to meet his. there she goes with that smile that somehow awakes something in Spencer he never knew existed. Her smile had always been disarmingly genuine, and it tugged at Spencer's heartstrings. He couldn't help but feel a sense of longing as he stared into her eyes.

"If you wanted to talk... you know how phones work, right?" she teased, giving him a playful nudge on the shoulder. Spencer felt his heart skip a beat at her touch, his mind racing as he searched for the right words. truth was, he was waiting for the right time to have his way with herㅡ get close, hold her... leave no room for air, only fill her pretty head with thoughts of himself.

As he inched closer, he placed a gentle hand on her arm, his touch sending a shiver down her spine. "I've been waiting for the right time," he admitted softly, "but I can't wait any longer."

"s-spenceㅡ"

Their faces were now mere inches apart, the air thick with tension. Spencer leaned in, his lips brushing against hers, breath tickling at her skin.

"do you know how hardㅡ how long I've had to pretend I'm ok with you talking to Derek that way? do you know how long I've thought about you? godㅡ its like you're etched into my psyche."

"w-what way, spence, i dontㅡ"

his fingers dig at her exposed thigh, causing y/n to squint her eyes at the sudden jolt of pain that ran through her. "I'm speaking now." his voice deep, like a thousand daggers to her heart, they sent her head into a frenzy.

She didn't know why, let alone how this situation was managing to make her squirm into her seat as trickles dirtied her underwear.

"stop trying to act dumb right now, y/n." he trails off, fingers slowly slipping under her y/n's skirt "need to show you who's you are." he paused "need to fuck you dumb right now."

"s-spencer, what if Derek returns andㅡ"

"good. maybe if he sees how deep you can take my cock he'll stop trying to get into your pants."

jesus. she barely heard him talk this way in all of her time here at the BAU. but she loved itㅡ the way those dirty words slipped off his tongue right into her ear and down to her cunt. y/n also didn't know spencer liker her that way. i mean, they kissedㅡ once. but that was months ago, and both of them were drunk.

her thoughts were broken off by the sound of spencer calling out to her. "you already thinking about me fucking you? godㅡ can't believe how fucking soaked you are."

y/n could only whimper as Spencer's long digits traced circles onto her clothed pussy, a dark chuckle evading his throat. "you're so filthy, y/n. you know Derek could barge in any moment now, yet..." he pushes her panties to the side with his index finger "you're so wet, i don't even have to prep you."

"spence, pleaseㅡ"

"shh, i know. you need to show me how desperate you are first." he pats her thigh before motioning between his legs. "on your knees."

y/n's eyes widened at his request, only a soft gasp parting form her open mouth. "don't make me repeat myself. you want me to fuck you? then show me how bad you want it."

it's like she was being a little doll on a string, the way all at once she practically threw herself on the floor and between Spencer's legs, palms situated on his knees.

"go ahead, angel."

she never had her heart beat so fast, she didn't even know it was possible. hesitatingly, she rises her hands to the hem of Reid's pants, letting the fly open. Spencer's bulge peeked through his boxers, making y/n's mouth go dry. "come on, y/n. you know we dont have all night."

nodding her head, y/n pulls his underwear and pants all at once, leaving Spencer's shaft to spring free and slap against his still dressed torso.

jesus christ ㅡ she heard the rumors that circulated around the BAU, but she thought they were just that: rumors. how wrong she was.

"still wanna do this, angel?"

"yesㅡ" she catches herself off guard with how fast she replies, face now so red.

"dirty girl." he smiles, placing his palm onto the crown of y/n's head. "get to work then."

leaning down, she grabs at his shaft as she gently wraps her mouth around the red tip that was leaking with precum, the bitter taste now invading y/n's tastebuds. reid throws his head back in response, tugging lightly at y/n's hair strands causing her to jolt in response.

with a bit more courage she sinks her mouth further. a surge of adrenaline coursed through her veins, and a mischievous smile crept across her face. She knew she was breaking the rules, but in that moment, the thrill of rebellion was intoxicating, making her feel alive in a way she hadn't before.

after a few more moves of her head y/n is stopped by specner with a forceful pull on her hair. "do you wanna continue, doll?"

"please, spence..."

She knew that she was treading on dangerous ground, and she couldn't predict the consequences of her actions. But in that moment, she couldn't stop herself from wanting to explore the forbidden.

"fuck, i never knew what was going on behind those eyes ㅡ you were always so hard to read. now i know...just a filthy girl that wants to fucked into oblivion." reid lets out a mocking chuckle, lightly slapping y/n on the cheek.

"go on. bend over the desk. and look at the door. i want everyone that comes through that door to see your face as i pound into you."

as y/n bent over the desk, her breast pressed onto the hard surface, she couldn't help but feel a rush of guilt and longing. Every stolen moment, every stolen glance, had brought her to this forbidden juncture.

it just clicked: she's gonna get fucked on this desk and at any moment someone could stumble on them. thing is... that's what was making her heart jump in anticipation.

the cold air brushed agains her skin as spencer lifted up her skirt, pulling to the side her panties and leaving her glistening cunt on full display. "jesus, you're soaked. this turning you on?" he laughs somberly.

"spence, p-please hurry..."

"needy girl."

stroking himself for a bit with the precum dripping from the pulsing tip, he teasingly rubs it against y/n's fold, making her whine in response. "shh. you're doing so well."

and with that he pushes in, fully, causing y/n to grit her teeth as to stop the loud cry stuck in her throat. her skin was burning, the pain so good it made her shiver. she was dripping all around reid's cock, biting back moans as he went at her from behind.

the room was filled by clapping, wet sounds and the occasional grunts and moans from both of them. y/n's mind was foggy, tongue lulling out as spencer increased his speed.

"f-fuckㅡ look how good you're taking me." he throws his head back, grabbing roughly at y/n's hips for leverage "what would you do if someone walked in right now? would you want me to continue fucking you, huh?"

"y-yes, spence, shitㅡ"

"god, angel. 'm gonna comeㅡ"

y/n writhes as she feels herself close, too, whole body shaking, toes curling and eyes rolling back when she finally orgasms. not long after, reid pumps himself a few more times before shooting long white ribbons along y/n's ass, gasping for air as he does.

"did so good for me, angel. let's hope we didn't mess up any of these files."

"reid, that's the least of my concerns right now."

⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾‎  토끼's NOTE : WOHOOOO WE ARE EARLY!!!! ALSO THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD so grammatical errors are possible!!! this has 2.05K words so not a lot but i hope u enjoyed it!! this is my 1st eva spencer fanfic i wrote sooooooo yeah :D anyway tysm for reading ily <3

[alexa-fika]

Kitchen Menace (Thatch x gn!child!reader x Marco)

A/N: If you guys wish to see a specific scenario to read then do send an ask to let me know, or you know… you can just stop and say hi 😉

Dividers by @saradika

Marco sat at his desk as he meticulously went through the crew’s current analysis and checkups and made annotations on results he observed that struck him as peculiar and should follow up with his brothers. His concentration was broken as his door was suddenly slammed open. He quickly swirled his chair around to scold the intruder when he, the youngest crew member, ran in.

“Brother Marco! Help me, Brother Thatch is trying to get me!” The young child screamed, darting towards the doctor

Marco shakes his head and sighs, a chuckle escaping him.

“What did you do this time -yoi?”

“W-Why do you assume I did something! Someone could have done something to me!”

“Well, you have a tendency to cause trouble.” He casually responded, his attention now back on his papers

“Not true!” they huff a notable pout on their face.

Marco turns his sight from the papers at hand to Reader and frowns amusedly.

“And what about those broken plates I saw?”

“We went through pretty bad weather yesterday, big waves,” they reply with a nervous smile.

Marco stared at them for a few seconds before slowly returning to his papers.

“I don’t know which one is funnier, you trying to gaslight me or you lying to me,” He said in a calm tone of voice.

“Im not!”

“Sure, how about you tell me what happened, and I’ll consider helping you-yoi,” He said as he put his papers down and rested his head on his crossed arms.

“Now, what did you do this time that you are hiding-yoi?”

“Im innocent!”

“You’re on your own then if you din’ do anything, I’m sure you won’t need my help-yoi.”

“Okay! Okay! I may have sneaked into his kitchen.”

“Did you steal anything?” He said as he leaned to the side to rest his chin on one of his hands. His eyes were glaring at them, just waiting for them to answer.

“Sure did, got their hands on the pastries I was doing!” A voice says behind her

Reader squeals as they try to run away but are stopped as Thatch quickly picks them up.

“Where do you think you’re going, you little rascal? It’s time for some. payback,” he exclaims with a sly grin as he tickles them.

“No!”

Hahaha! You’re mine now!

“Brother Marco, help me!” they scream between their joyous screams and laughs that echo around the clinic.

Marco looks at them with a slight grin.

“What exactly do you want me to do, hm?”

“Save me!”

He chuckles and shakes his head.

“You’re on your own.” He leans back in his chair and sips his coffee.

“Enjoy Your forthcoming”

“Haha! No one can save you now! I’mma tickle you till you pop!”

“Im going to tell Grandpa on you!” they scream, trying to wriggle away from him.

“You sure do run that mouth a lot,” he says, stopping his attack and narrowing his eyes.

“And I used it to eat all the yummy pastries, brother Thatch!” they tease.

“Oh, you wanna say that again? You wanna say that again?”

“They were so good, and brother won’t be able to taste them ’cause they’re all gone!”

“I have an idea of how to deal with you.”

They let out a small shriek as he suddenly throws them in the air, and they begin hysterically laughing as he continues to repeat the action.

“You are such a little menace.”

“But you love me!” they say, giving him a toothy grin.

I do love you, but you’re still a menace.

“Well, Brother Thatch and the others raised me, so…I had to learn it from somebody.”

Marco rolls his eyes.

“They’re not wrong,” he mutters under his breath as he sips his coffee.

They laugh as they hear Marco’s comment, hugging Thatch’s neck tight.

“Am sorry for eating the pastries; I was just hungry.”

“Awww. Apology accepted. How about you help me make some more? You can even be my taster.”

First reader oneshot! Hopefully, there's more to come. I'm willing to try my hands at not only child! reading but romantic scenarios too, so let me hear your suggestions!

[thesweetnessofspring]

Can you do a deep analysis of the last paragraph of MJ, before the epilogue? 😭 I can grasp the gist of it, but I feel like it's not all right

Bro you really want this? Deep dive analysis into possibly the most analyzed passage in the whole series? All right. Let's go. First, the whole passage:

Now let's break it up.

Peeta and I grow back together.

I think there are two ways to take this sentence, really they both apply. The first is "Peeta and I grow back together" as in, they become as they were before the hijacking, which was in sync and in love. The second is "Peeta and I grow back together" as in, they both heal from the horrors they've had to face and as they do this together, side by side, each one having the other's backs. There's a reason why Everlarkers are so obsessed with this line, it's spawned a whole subtype of fanfiction. Grow back together, like the meadow that grew back from the bombs of the Capitol.

There are still moments when he clutches the back of a chair and hangs on until the flashbacks are over. I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children.

Suzanne's father was a veteran of the Vietnam War. I could have sworn I read an interview where she mentioned her father having nightmares, though I can't find it now. However in her picture book The Year of the Jungle, Suzanne notes some PTSD symptoms her father had, including spacing out and being back in the jungle. Here we see Katniss and Peeta both have intrusive symptoms of PTSD, similar to what Suzanne's father had. These are struggles that they continue to deal with because of the way the world used and traumatized them.

But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips.

Following Katniss referencing her nightmares, we get this information, that Peeta first holds Katniss after these nightmares. At some point in time, he's welcomed back into her bed as he was during the Victory Tour and Quarter Quell. Then, at some point following this, his lips comfort her, implying that after nightmares he kisses her.

Katniss and Peeta are familiar with kissing one another, though all but one in canon up to this point has been in front of an audience. Yet we see the difference in how Katniss kissed Peeta in the first book, where it was more calculated for the camera, and how it is in Catching Fire where even in the Quell, they kiss each other without a second thought about it, how naturally it flows into their interactions. Here, Katniss implies that same ease and natural path from holding to kissing. Peeta's lips become a comfort to her after she sees her worst fears play out in her nightmares.

On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway.

There are two instances in canon that Katniss was able to fully immerse herself in kissing Peeta without worrying about the Games or Gale. The first is following Peeta getting the medicine in the first Games. Right before the kiss, Katniss says, "...the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don't want him to die. And it's not about the sponsors. And it's not about what will happen back home. And it's not just that I don't want to be alone. It's him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread." The second is, of course, the iconic beach scene, where she says, "I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. 'I do,' I say. 'I need you.'"

We don't know what led up to this particular night, but from the two instances before, it was likely a great emotional connection. Perhaps it was even Katniss realizing that even if she had the two suitors in front of her, it would have been Peeta she'd have chosen in the end. And this emotional connection is what prompts that "hunger that overtook [her] on the beach."

This is how Katniss describes that "hunger" in CF: "The sensation inside me grows warmer and spreads out from my chest, down through my body, out along my arms and legs, to the tips of my being. Instead of satisfying me, the kisses have the opposite effect, of making my need greater. I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind." This description is about Katniss's first canon experience with sexual attraction. The kissing only makes her "need greater" and the only comparable experience she has is "hunger." A hunger for "more." More what? They're already kissing and they become "wrapped up" in each other. It stands to reason, then, that her body is asking for further sexual stimulation. There is the emotional connection, with Katniss realizing the depth of her grief if Peeta dies and she lives, in connection to her sexual desire.

And here we also have another favorite of the Everlark community: "this would have happened anyway." Perhaps anticipating the response from "Team Gale" that Peeta won by forfeit, Collins and Katniss are clarifying that no, Katniss would have actively chosen Peeta. That "anyway" tells so much. It's not "if Gale had come back to District 12 but I still saw him responsible for my sister's death." It's anyway. No matter what condition or events, Katniss would have grown back together with Peeta, would have brought him back into her bed, would have felt aroused by him and chosen him as her life partner.

That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself.

Up to this point, Gale really only has two associations with fire: first when he and Katniss are at the lake and she's describing Snow's threats as he cooks them food. And last, the bombs that killed Prim. Here we see the dual nature of Gale's fire. One is homey and nurturing, the other destructive. Gale is both. There was a time when his fire helped keep Katniss's going, and she did to his. Katniss says it here, she has "plenty of fire" herself. Only Gale's fire is not limited to the hearth. When given the chance, the wind picks up his fire and flamed it outside of the hearth and into brush of "rage and hatred." He thought he was defending himself and other vulnerable people. But fire is difficult to control once it begins to burn and Gale lost control of his when he shared his plans with Beetee and Coin. And even in smaller instances, when Gale's fire fought Katniss's fire, they simply burned out. On a personal level, their similarities are what drew them apart from each other.

In comparison, Peeta is described as being a "whiz" at fires, even lighting up damp wood. Following Prim's death, Katniss says she has "no fire." Gale's fire burnt out hers. Yet we see here that Katniss says she "has plenty of fire" herself. Who stoked her fire back to life but the boy she grew back together with? The one who could rouse her from mental anguish and hopelessness, and also soothe her when her anger was roused up? Gale's fire puts her out. Peeta's hand steadies her flame.

What I need is a dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again.

Here I am going to go on a bit of a nerd-out on the dandelion here. In some variations of the Theseus and the Minotaur story (which THG is loosely inspired by), Hecate feeds Theseus dandelions for 30 days before his encounter with the Minotaur to give him strength. In others, he ate a dandelion salad after killing the Minotaur. The Minotaur is Crete's version of The Hunger Games, and Theseus ends it by killing the Minotaur.

Katniss first associates dandelions with Peeta after catching his eye the day following the evening when he threw bread to her and he had a bruised cheek. This dandelion gave her hope and is one she associates with Peeta from the beginning of the story. This dandelion gave Katniss strength to keep fighting and providing for her family, the first Minotaur the Capitol puts up against its people, their hunger and poverty. Then on the way to the 74th Games, Katniss has determined that Peeta's kindness is a play of his and she throws out his father's cookies to be rid of any kindness from the Mellarks, but they land "in a patch of dandelions by the track. I only see the image for a moment, because the train is off again, but it's enough. Enough to remind me of that other dandelion in the school yard years ago." This dandelion then reminds her of the ways she braved the wood alone at first, how she made trades, took what her father had taught her and applied it. And this reminder lingers with her on her journey for the ultimate fight of her life (so far), the Hunger Games. She is once again fed by the dandelions on her way to face her Minotaur.

Through the Games, Katniss loses her free will, her privacy, and any remaining peace she had left. This of course launches into the whole of the series where she's deafened, manipulated, publicized, flaunted, scarred, terrorized, sees others killed and kills other. By the end of Mockingjay, she's "a badly burned girl with no wings. With no fire. And no sister." Katniss has faced "destruction" on a personal, familial, and community level due to the wings staples on her and the fire others lit and she has little left at the end.

And yet, even when she so badly wants to die, when Peeta tells her he can't let go, she holds on. She holds on until "spring's in the air" and her dandelion in the spring, Peeta, returns. While the dandelions of his kindness fed her after her father's death and before the Hunger Games, here he is nourishing her again after the war. Reminding her of the goodness that there still is in life, "no matter how bad our losses." And for both Katniss and Peeta, they've had really, really bad losses.

And here it is: dandelions to Katniss are not just a pretty flower, or a symbol of wealth as the rose is to Snow. Dandelions are food. They are nourishment. Dandelions can even be medicine. They grow everywhere and can be found everywhere, bright little suns that can offer so much. Peeta is that to her as well. He nourishes her, strengthens her, is her medicine, and the only person she consummates a romantic and sexual relationship with and fulfills the "hunger" that is "an entirely new kind" to her. He gives her life in every way that is possible and gives her a rebirth, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real."

"So after" we can canonically take as whatever came after she felt hunger (aka sexual desire). It's difficult to interpret it other than that this is when they consummated their relationship, in the very least engaging in some sexual act beyond kissing. Because Katniss says that Peeta's arms and eventually his lips helped her through her nightmares, and this is more than that. It is enough to stand apart and prompt Peeta to clarify his greatest question in the series, about whether or not Katniss loves him.

"Real or not real" was a game Katniss and Peeta have been playing since the beginning. Was Peeta really that kind? Did Katniss actually have feelings for Peeta, even when both knew it had started as an act? What is their relationship if the Capitol is making them play at being a happy couple? Although the hijacking made Peeta question his entire life, even without the hijacking, this is surely something he would have had to ask anyway, and only more so after the hijacking.

Finally having taken time to grieve, to come back to life, to grow back with a partner she trusts, Katniss can confirm to him that yes, she loves him. The final word answering one of the earliest questions in the series: who does Katniss love romantically, if anyone? And the answer, that has been there since his name first appeared: Peeta Mellark.

[oneshotnewbie]

Emily PrentissxJennifer JareauxReader:

The reader is working for the BAU and has a really bad migraine (She has chronic migraines but didn't tell anyone). She is really mad and distant toward her friends (you can include the boys too but make me girls main please) and they notice it and have a little intervention with her. After that a lot of fluff where Emily and JJ care for her

Authors note: Unfortunately I don´t have an Emily Prentiss x Daughter reader story, but I have added a new one to write. Until then, there is only one Emily Prentiss x Jennifer Jareau x Reader story from me today

ᕚ---ᕘ

You could say that you were a person with enormous stamina and a high tolerance level. Something that was a must for anyone who worked as a Supervisory Special Agent for the Behavioral Analysis Unit and under Aaron Hotch. Many people admired you for not jumping off the next cliff under the unbearable circumstances of this job.

And you yourself sometimes admired your own achievements. But everyone had their limits and it was a recurring thing that happened during your work hours. You ignored the first triggers. You exceeded your physical limits and your migraine appeared.

You could have guessed it when you got back on the plane from Oxford. The terrible serial killer and the panic it caused in the city, the fact that he had abused and murdered seven women. This case had taken more of a toll on you than you would have liked and you tried to deal with your problems in your own way. Which meant you threw yourself into the work, no matter how mundane every clue was and no matter what wall you hit.

“Y/n, maybe you should take a break?” begged Emily, noticing that you were doing everything you could to get Oxford out of your bones as quickly as possible. You, however, waved her off without saying a word and continued to stare at the white board on which every clue was hanging. "Do not need a break, I am fine." The black-haired went along with it, stayed by your side and tolerated your moods even when they drove her crazy.

Non-stop, without a break and with lack of sleep and malnutrition, you battled the nagging headaches and mild nausea. You became more and more tired, yawned and became increasingly sensitive to the loud noises of the office. Something you could tolerate skillfully. But Emily and your colleagues not.

You clearly knew you were on the verge of a migraine when you started seeing visual symptoms of a migraine aura. Your vision became distorted, sometimes weaker, sometimes sharper. For a few minutes you only saw white in your left eye, but you kept going, not giving yourself a break. You knew that no other woman could die because of you.

Hour after hour you were exhausted and just trudged from the office to the coffee machine. With a nasty headache and feeling like you might throw up, you swallowed it all and sat down on a chair while Penelope talked loudly to Derek. You felt like your head was going to explode at any moment from their voices. "Could you PLEASE shut up or at least go to another room to flirt with each other?" you huffed and massaged your temples, their sighs ringing like a hurricane in your ears. "Some people want to work here."

"Babygirl, are you okay?" he asked, surprised at your momentary outburst. He had never been allowed to see you like this, you had never snapped at him. A sharp pain shot through your temples and you hastily stood up. "Hey, cutie pie? What is going on?" the technical analyst also chimed in and waited for any kind of answer.

"I am fine, just leave me alone." your words came out of your mouth hastily and probably slurred, but you did not care. You had to go to the toilet immediately. Without turning around again, you quickly walked out of the office and stumbled in the direction you were heading. Every time you made contact with the ground, the headache got worse and you begged not to throw up on the way. You saw distorted vision in your right eye while small white flashes danced in front of it.

Rushing into the bathroom, you stood in front of the sink, panting and swallowing convulsively. Having migraines was terrible and right now you could not use one. You sighed in relief when you did not throw up, as long as you did not, it was not all that bad.

Loud footsteps sounded outside the door and a knock made your head explode. “Oh, y/n.” A rough voice spoke and you looked in the mirror. Emily and JJ had pushed through the door one after the other and were now standing with their backs to you, their arms crossed over their chests. Furthermore, you paid attention to your reflection in the mirror, which said that any idiot could see that a corpse in pathology looked healthier than you. So did the trained agents on your team. "What is wrong?"

You did not even hear half of the sentence, the second word was the end of it. You ran into one of the stables, fell to your knees and managed to bend over the toilet just in time. You squeezed your eyes shut as tears streamed down your cheeks and you threw up violently. “y/n?” the blondes voice had an worried undertone and you did not notice her standing strictly behind you. The next thing you felt were cool hands on your neck and shoulders.

Jerking away from the touch, leaning your head back against the wall as you pulled your knees into your body. You tried to block so many sounds and other sensations from your body, while only this crushing and throbbing pain existed in your head.

Once again you felt cold hands on your skin and everything in you protested as they helped him to his feet, an arm was placed around your shoulder and led you out of the bathroom and through the hallway. Soon your face made contact with a pillow and a relieved sigh rolled past your lips. You did not know where you were, just that it was quiet. Still, your currently oversensitive ears heard Hotch appearing to be talking to Emily, JJ, and the rest of the group. "No, we have no idea what is going on."

“Did you ask her?”

"We tried, but we got no response." at some point there was an angry snort at the blonde's answer and there were more footsteps in front of the door. The squeaking sound echoed through your head, pounding inside before the space on the couch shrank and a shadow appeared in front of you. "Sweetie, cards on the table. Tell us what is going on?"

The voice of the of the blonde was painful, yet it was strangely comforting to hear a familiar and loving voice. Still, you flinched violently as something cool was brushed onto your forehead. The nausea slowly subsided. "Chronic migraines since adolescence. But not so severe for a while."

Long fingers tugged at the disheveled and stray strands of hair on your face before she stood up again and walked to the windows. The room darkened, blinds closed and you moaned pleasantly. After making a trip to the door, she told the expected teammates what you had told her. You only heard a quiet "I will stay with her, but someone has to get me the medication out of my bag," before the door closed quietly and she sat down on the office chair, looking over you thoughtfully.

JJ waited for Emily to come back with some things and watched you laying there in pain, exhausted and completely distracted by the thunder in your head, trying to be as silent as she could. A few minutes later, the door opened again. You saw Emily through squinted eyes and spotted a bucket in her hand, a bowl of water, wipes under her arms and a large disposable syringe.

"What do you want to inject into me?" you asked surprised and a little frightened by the size of the abnormally large syringe. The blonde knelt down in front of you, pulling up your sweater and waiting for the black-haired one to hand it over. "Metoclopramide,"

"How do you know what to inject into me and where did you get it from?"

"You are not the only one who gets migraines. I used to get them often enough and since then I have always had an injection with me to protect myself from them in case they happen again." she frowned and laughed quietly. You nodded in acceptance and there was a moment of silence before a hot, stabbing pain shot through your lower torso and you cried out. "That hurts!"

Emily sat on the armrest and slipped her fingers between your own. You squeezed it tightly and she hoped to take the temporary pain away from you. "Why did not you tell us?" the black-haired asked sadly you huffed through gritted teeth. "I did not want to be a burden to you. I did not want to seem weak," you replied, shrugging.

"It was stupid of you not to say anything. At least to JJ or me." She paused briefly and you raised your head in confusion before nodding in understanding and looking over at the blonde. With a half-smile, she placed a band-aid on the wound and placed a thin blanket over your legs. "Okay. Next time I will let you know, I promise."

They both nodded and stood up. While JJ was putting away the trash, Emily leaned over and gave you a gentle kiss on the top of your head before she disappeared out of the door. "I will make you some tea,"

"You never make tea."

"I will do it today for a very special and stubborn person." She spoke in a whisper, winking at you. You laughed quietly and already felt a million times better than you did a few minutes ago. With a yawn, you sank deeper into the pillow and watched as the blonde turned on a small lamp at the desk in the dark room so she could continue working. "Thanks,"

[thefirstknife]

Okay, this is it for Act I and now we have to stew for 20 days, I'm okay and not feeling abnormal at all (lie). But there's SO MUCH that I want to mention.

The mission starts normally, we're just collecting samples for Failsafe, but then Osiris calls us to come help him with Saint. And then shit hits the fan. Saint has apparently walked off alone into Nessus and isn't answering his comms. Normal and cool!

I'll go into the whole thing, under read more for length (long ass post, I'm having normal thoughts and feelings about this whole thing):

Right away, no more lake where we were fishing (only in the mission though):

Strange! The Vex appear to have let Saint pass through here without a fight. Once again, there's a mix of Vex in this area; some are normal Vex units with collars and some are Precursors without (the boss, the cyclops and the hobgoblins are Precursors):

The Precursors aren't collared, but they still participate in this and are also changed ("uplifted choral cyclops" = part of the chorus even without a yoke). This is incredibly strange. And then more strange information:

Okay!!! What is going on! We've seen in the last week's lore page that the Vex are behaving incredibly strangely. In short, they seem to be behaving more like individuals, rather than what we're used to seeing from them. This adds to that. They are developing tactics and changes that they previously weren't engaged with because, essentially, they didn't have to be.

Anyway, we get to finally hear Saint and he's... Talking to himself. About how he's not real. We find him collared and he appears to be hearing a voice talking to him; the voice is only identified as a "Conductor." At this point, I don't think there's any doubt about this being Maya. The same term was used by her in her experiments with the Veil: she needed someone to be a "conductor" to the "chorus" of minds when she was trying to merge fabricate consciousness (which she succeeded in with Lakshmi). Maya died in the "conductor's chair." What we don't know is ... Well. Anything else. What is she doing and why and what state is she in. The assumption right now is that she's using the Vex as a chorus, but why are they allowing this and why are some of them participating even without the collars? No clue.

What's interesting is that she seems to have analysed Saint and knew about him, either from her own analysis of him after observing him during our expeditions or from the Vex themselves. Or both. I suspect a combination of both because he's been involved with what we've been doing so she would've been interested to see why, and then she would've also gotten additional information from the Vex who recognise him. I would assume the Vex also had information about the rest of us, including Osiris and YW, but Saint was easiest to control.

With what she was telling him, it also means that Maya now knows how we saved him. His entire story is directly linked to the Vex and Vex technology so naturally all of this would be recorded with them and would allow Maya to find out about it. She knows that in some timelines he dies and he is saved in this one. She filled his head with the idea that he doesn't belong here, that he shouldn't have been saved. That he's an error that's "corrupting the true timeline."

As a sidenote, when you come into this room, Curse of Osiris music starts playing, again, as it has been playing for a lot of stuff this episode (specifically the Panoptes fight track). I'm super glad to hear that OST again. I'm also insane about them dropping Mercury music and Precursors at me.

Saint has more concerning lines:

And then we reach him:

Totally okay scene to see. Saint in his bubble, with a yoke, Vex arranged around him in their worshipping pose and the mysterious figures hovering above him. Saint continues:

Okay! *cries* He snaps out of it when Ikora reminds him of Osiris. Old man yaoi wins again!!

Then there's the conversation between Osiris, Saint, Ikora and Failsafe where Osiris is desperately trying to convince Saint that he's real and fine and that there's nothing wrong with him. I crode.... Man, they really said "you WILL watch these old men lovingly put hands on each other." But also, Saint confirms that he just heard a voice speaking to him on Nessus and that he couldn't do anything except obey its commands. It wasn't a Vex; Saint describes it as something that "connected to his mind" and called itself the "Conductor."

Failsafe pointed out that the Vex and Exo share radiolaria as a "base material" and that the Vex were perhaps trying to interface with Saint for information about what we're doing. But Saint said that they did not care about that at all. Instead, they "measured" Saint's "humanity" and "legitimacy."

Osiris does his best to convince him otherwise:

Bro. I am crying in the club what the fuck. Osiris had access to other Saints, but he didn't want to mess with them. He wanted to save the Saint he knew. It was the whole deal with the Sundial being so specific to find "the right moment" and "the right Saint" to save him and why it didn't work for Osiris, because of the paradox with the Young Wolf.

Ikora points out that this is all just a tactic against us and Saint does seem to understand that, and Osiris' reassurances, but it's still difficult to deal with. Saint has previously already dealt with the feelings of not being sure if anything he's experiencing is real. He's spent decades in the Infinite Forest surrounded by simulations. It's a hard thing to adjust to, especially with all he's been through since.

He'll need time to process this. He needs to be alone.

Failsafe is normal about it:

You and me too bestie!

But wait! There's more! We still have the radio message which is between Osiris and Ikora talking about the changes to Nessus and the Vex. It's naturally Osiris' way to distract himself from the issues with Saint, but also we really do need to keep researching what's going on so he's got a good idea. Nessus is "changing rapidly" according to Osiris, "moreso than when the Vex first assimilated it, if Red War records can be trusted." Osiris also notes that this isn't just limited to Nessus, but to everything, including our data and the radiolaria that we collected. They're "mutating."

This bit in particular is important and concerning because that's just not how the Vex do things. As Osiris said, when they change, they change because they have time shenanigans so they essentially gather data in the future and transmit it back, then alter themselves from the past, to appear as if they were always that way. But now? They're adapting "in real time." They learn linearly and adapt on the go.

This is bizarre with the utilisation of Precursors because they are the past Vex. However, they do not have the collars so they're not directly "compelled" and yet, they still participate and change alongside all of the other collared Vex. They also send their minds, again, not collared, to control the collared Vex and lead them. This is baffling.

Ikora is linking this to the impact of the anomaly, the echo. While Saint was down there, Geppetto mapped some of it, including the radiolaria around the site; apparently, the Vex are "swirling around the impact site for miles below the surface." It's also "causing disturbances in the planet's EM field." Ikora concludes that the Vex must be doing "something big."

Osiris also mentions the importance of Saint saying that it was a singular voice directing him, not a collective one, like a Vex would be. He reminds us that this isn't how Vex do things usually and this thing with Saint was just a test. He speculates, and Ikora agrees, that the Vex behaviour is like this because they found "a new leader." Obviously, the Conductor.

That concludes Act I. The seasonal activity, Breach Executable, has new lines as well. I've only played one, got some more sad Saint lines and then had to pause to stop crying. Act II starts in 20 days.

But wait. There's MORE! Of course we can't forget the seasonal lore page. And this is also where they went straight for the jugular. The lore page is about Mithrax visiting Saint and finding him not feeling well. Saint is distressed and Mithrax is trying to help him feel better, especially about his feelings of not belonging. Mithrax understands those feelings and he's trying his best to help Saint not feel that way. A little bit of joy in the gloom:

Saint groaned and waved the question away. "Do not say something smart to me now. Osiris does this, and I have had enough of it."

I LOVE when Saint compares Osiris and Mithrax, it's so good and also funny. But anyway, let's get back to the pain. As Saint realises where Mithrax is going with his questions, he relents and accepts that yes, sometimes we feel like we don't belong, but that is clearly not true.

And then Mithrax experiences something strange:

Suddenly, his vision narrowed and darkened. His headache shrieked, filling his mind with blinding pain. He doubled over as a terrifying urge—RULE, KELL—roared through his chest. The pigeons burst away in harried flight, leaving the seed untouched on the ground. Saint was still watching the pigeons wheel through the sky and down into the City. Mithrax wrapped his arms around himself until the shaking subsided and took a deep draw of Ether. "You are good friend," Saint said quietly, his gaze fixed on the City. Mithrax walked over slowly and sat down next to him again. "I try," he said softly.

Hello? Okay. So on top of Saint having massive issues, we're still seeding the future plot of something getting absolutely the fuck worse with Mithrax. Cool. Cool. I'm jumping off a bridge.

And Mithrax doesn't tell Saint about this, obviously. Saint is preoccupied with his own problems now and this is the way of Titan; care for others first, then yourself. Mithax should NOT be copying this from Saint, but alas. Enjoy brewing in this little piece of terrifying information until we get more on it next episode, I presume.

But wait. There's EVEN MORE! For finishing Act I, we got another lore page, from another lore book called Dynasty. We had no clue what this would be until now.

And well. It's a completely separate story from ancient past, about the Qugu civilisation. This is an incredibly packed lore page, one of the longest I've seen to be honest and it features a lot of bizarre alien stuff from an ancient civilisation, but the gist of it, for now until I can truly dive into it; it follows a member of the Qugu species as he's rising in the ranks to become a military leader. The Qugu are ancient civilisation we first learned about in the Books of Sorrow, as they were wiped out by the Hive. We got an update on them in Inspiral, telling us they were Darkness users, utilising the psychic abilities to connect each other's consciousnesses and talk to their ancestors.

In this page, we see some stuff about their culture, their connection to the creatures they're in symbiosis with, the way their civilisation worked in regards to how they ruled and how many planets they occupied. It's a fascinating read, but fairly hard to get through. The page ends with the Qugu discovering the Hive and the Black Fleet that attacked one of their systems and they try to get back to warn the others. I assume the rest of the book will be about the Qugu as well, to further flesh out this plot.

Why this now? I am unsure. Possible setup for something going forward down the line? One other idea I've had is that this will somehow relate to the "ally" of Maya we speculated about when I talked about the lore pages from the seasonal exotic gear. It makes sense that this "ally" is an alien because of Maya mentioning his fascinating origin, culture and biology. This would also explain why we got this lore book for finishing Act I, as it would make it relevant to what's going on. But this is, for now, a really big speculation. We'll need more pages, which I assume we'll get for finishing other Acts, so good look not exploding in curiosity until then (I've already exploded). I'll most certainly analyse this lore page more in-depth because there is NOTHING in this world I am more interested than digging into ancient space civilisations.

[peachesofteal]

“We couldn’t wake you up.” Simon explains from your right, sitting back in a chair that’s been pulled to the side of the bed. He clutches your hand, kissing your knuckles. “You were wheezing and it-” He stops abruptly, swallowing. He looks scared, you realize, and when you look at Johnny’s face, you see it too. The fear. The worry.

&

“They said we can stay with ye tonight.” He gestures to the little pull out bed by the window, and a recliner that has a pillow and blankets stacked on it. “Hospital sleepover. We’re all goin’ eat jello.” He thumbs your cheek, and you both smile, eyes wandering to where Simon sits like stone, severe expression on his face. “She’s alright, Si. See?” Johnny murmurs, and he nods. "I Know." He clears his throat. "I know she is." You squeeze his hand. "Everything's goin' be alright." Johnny continues, and SImon's eyes shudder for a second, slipping shut when he takes a deep breath. When he opens them, he looks calmer, more steadfast, and you smile at him.

i was rereading the fic where darling got sick and woke up in the hospital (bc i got sick and this brought me comfort) and these parts specifically stood out to me bc the guys really care for darling and they never want to see her hurt. they're the ones who usually get stuck in hospitals, but for it to happen to darling, i imagine it to be one of their worst fears, also for each other, but with darling it's particularly... jarring. she has a.. softness? that draws them to her and they want to protect that, but seeing her in the hospital, knowing that she isn't always going to be safe from harm, it's sobering for them.

especially with simon being unable to finish his sentence in that first paragraph, and knowing his history. and maybe it's a small detail, but i really liked how johnny reassured simon that darling was alright. like, while simon is usually more... grounded, johnny is more than capable of being an anchor or pillar of strength to bring simon out of his head.

i just wanted to ramble a bit about this and let you know i appreciate your writing lots（づ￣3￣）づ╭❤️～

I know this is so old but I loved your analysis so I buried this in my drafts to make sure I remembered to answer it. Their dynamic and the complexities between the three of them and their individual relationships were always one of my favorite parts, especially here where Johnny can clearly see that Simon is unmoored by Darling falling this ill, and swooped in to help hold him steady, so you're totally right.

[hyperfixatedoncrimminalminds]

Maybe the teen (about 15 ish) daughter of an unsub who spencer is questioning about her unsub dad and there's clearly more that her dad is doing to her that she won't tell him about and maybe she gets a little clingy to spencer?

Spencer Reid x Teen Reader

Request: Maybe the teen (about 15 ish) daughter of an unsub who spencer is questioning about her unsub dad and there's clearly more that her dad is doing to her that she won't tell him about and maybe she gets a little clingy to spencer?

Third person pov...

Y/N walked into the police station, she had been called by thr sheriff to come in, they had some questions for her. They had been calling about her Dad all week.

Which of course made that his reason to beat her, accusing her of rating him out to the police, she promised him she never said anything of course he never listened.

Y/Ns father is the serial killer the police have been looking for, hes been kidnapping and murdering young girls who he finds annoying in some way for the past 6 months, a new one goes missing every week.

Y/N of course has witnessed every kill and kidnapping, the man was ruthless if he wasn't killing and making the girl watch, then he was abusing his daughter.

Still recovering from the beating she got jsut before she left the house the teen pulls at her clothes making sure her neck and wrists are covered.

Limping slightly she tells the receptionist who she is and they tell her the sheriff if waiting for her, giving the officer a smile she walks through the busy bullpen until she get to the sheriffs office.

Knocking on the door she walks in. "Hey there Y/N, glad you could come down" Says Sheriff Briest, he stands up and walks towards the teen, noticing how she steps back automatically.

The sheriff of course noticed, he had been called to the L/N residence alot over the years since Y/Ns Mum died, reports of crying and shouting coming from inside the house.

When questioned Mr L/N would tell them everything was okay and that Y/N was acting up, these lies continued all her life making the young girl seem like a troubled teenager who was rude and never listened to anyone.

Though the sheriff knew something was wrong he saw the signs and so did his officers but knowone was able to do anything about it as Y/N never told anyone not even when she was a kid.

Threat of death proved to be useful, Her Father would remind her what would happen should she tell anyone. "There's some people I want you to answer some questions for okay" Says the Sheriff.

Y/N freezes sightly as they walk into one of the briefing room that was usually unoccupied, but was now being used by a group of people. 'FBI' thought the girl instantly.

"Agent Hotchner, Y/N is here. Y/N these are the Behavioural Analysis Unit. They are here to help us find the killer" explained Sheriff Briest, Y/N doesn't look up at the people.

If she looked anyone in the eye she'd get beat again by her Father. She learnt that the hard way when she looked up at someone who was speaking to her Dad when she was 6. Since then she avoids eye contact.

"Hi" Says the teen looking at the shoes of the agents. "Hello Y/N, I'm Agent Hotchner these are Agents Jareau, Gideon, Morgan , Greenaway and Dr Reid" says polished black shoes.

"Nice to meet you" mutters Y/N, soon she is sitting in an interrogation room with Dr Reid. Nervously tapping her finger on the table she waits for the young Dr to walk in and ask her questions.

Minutes later the man walks in and sits down on the chair infront of her. After a few seconds of silence he speaks. "Hello Y/N, my names Spencer I work with the BAU, I'm going to ask you some questions okay?" He tells the girl.

Y/N nods her head. "Yes sir" she mutters wanting to go home and not be there. "Now can you tell me about your Father" Says the man, Y/N freezes her tapping increasing as she shakes slightly.

Trying desperately to stop shaking she answers the question. "I love my Dad, he doesn't do anything wrong he loves me" she says, her voice robotic as if it had been planted into her head as an automatic answer to that specific question.

Spencer takes notes of her behaviour, eyeing the two way glass he askes another question. "I'm sure he does, now, does your father leave for long periods of time, not telling you where he's going or why?"

Y/N hesitates before shaking her head. "He doesn't, Dad is always as home after work, dad loves me he doesn't do anything wrong" Spencer notes how the last part it connected to the answer from before.

"Okay, Y/N. Does your Dad hurt you?" Spencer knows asking that question would have a strong reaction but he didn’t expect the girl to slam her hand on the table and stand up and start pacing.

"No he doesn't hurt me! Dad loves me he doesn't hurt me" she yells almost crying, tears in her eyes but not falling yet, Spencer gasps at the raw emotion in the 15 year old eyes.

Desperation seeped into her voice, as she stared into the man's eyes, he noticed this was the first time he had seen her eyes. Suddenly the girl gasped and slammed her back into the wall.

Gripping her head she bring smacking her back against the wall. "Nonononono can't do that against the rules can't do that" she mumbles falling into hysterics, Spencer is soon joined by Derek and Elle.

The two had ran in when Y/N started repeating to herself. The three stand in shock not knowing what to do to help, Spencer is quick to notice the bruises on her neck and wrists. "Morgan" he whispers, the man nods his head he's seen the bruises on the girl.

Pulling out his phone, him and Elle leave Spencer alone with Y/N, the girl is still smacking her back on tjr wall as if she was punishing herself, the man slowly inches towards the grill.

"Y/N, Y/N its me Spencer remember" he whispers to the girl, holding out his hands non threateningly he speaks to the teenager desperate to calm her dow from her panic attack.

"Nonono broke the rules" muttered the girl. "Y/N you haven't broken any rules, your Father can't get you here okay, your safe your safe with me" he tells the girl, slowly Y/N pulls her hands awa from her hair and stopping smacking her back against the wall.

Smiling at the teen Spencer stays back. "I'm safe here" she whispers horsely, Spencer nods his head. "Yes that's right your safe here, I won't let anyone hurt you" he says.

Y/N slowly begins to inch closer to the man eagerly seeking comfort, soon the girl was throwing herself at him, Spencer hugs her tightly whispering that she was okay and he wouldn't hurt her.

An hour later the Team and swat had arrested Y/Ns Father for the abuse she suffered and 15 accounts of murder.

Over the next few days adter they had caught the killer, Y/N had grown close to Spencer, she wouldn't let him out of her sight scared her father would come and hurt her, Spencer stayed with the teen while she recovered in hospital from the abuse she suffered from her father.

The end!

Hope you liked this oneshot sorry for the wait, as usual sorry for any grammar and Spelling mistakes.

Request are open!

Word count: 1277

[dysfunctionalupsidedown]

Mike Wheeler: Trauma, Insecurity, and "STurn" (Analysis)

In "From the Hair Chair: Finn Wolfhard | Stranger Things", which is available on the official Stranger Things YouTube channel, Finn Wolfhard addresses the question, "What's going on with Mike Wheeler in Season 4?"

Mike Wheeler’s behavior in S4 has confused many, especially general audiences. However, if you look at the bigger picture, his progression (or regression) into the Mike Wheeler we know from S4 does make sense. To get a clear idea of what’s going on with him, we must look at the four seasons sequentially and with a more subtextual eye. We have a few physical puzzle pieces, and for now, we need to fill in the rest with our imagination based on evidence. A Mike point of view isn’t particularly needed to fully understand this, although it would be helpful for the GA and is something I want from S5.

In relation to this particular interview, I’ll examine Stranger Things (2016) for the past and present and “STurn” for the possible future. “STurn” actually does tell us a bit about how Mike’s self-identity arc will potentially continue in S5 and wrap up.

Also, I understand that “STurn” isn’t factual and is not even confirmed to be related to ST5. Though I don’t believe this entire analysis is instantly negated by my use of the playlist, as its only purpose here is to assume a hypothetical future. Aside from the Finn interview, everything else comes straight from the show and holds a reasonable explanation for Mike’s behavior up until the end of S4.

Remember, this post is for fun and speculation, and "STurn" is the best we have right now. Just keep in mind that I’m going into this analysis assuming it’s related to Mike Wheeler in S5. I could be entirely incorrect. Similarly, this interview isn’t wholly factual either, as it’s not what’s in the show, but it relates enough to what we’ve been shown of Mike for me to comment on.

This might be a lengthier post. Be warned.

If you’re still here and interested, I’ll get right into it.

Trauma

Finn first addresses how each of the characters are dealing with their past trauma, and that is a perfect way to describe Mike’s behavior in S4. I think a lot of people, especially the general audience, forget that, yes, while these are all characters, trauma does have the ability to affect them and change their behavior. There was an entire “Your original character before trauma vs. after trauma” trend on TikTok a minute back, and that wasn’t for nothing. 

Mike, just in S1, witnessed one of his best friends go missing, watched this best friend turn up apparently dead (as well as see his “body”), went to his funeral, jumped off of a ledge, saw his other newfound friend disappear, and so much more. Don't even get me started on the following seasons.

Mike is afraid of losing. That’s what happened to him in S1. He lost. First Will, then El. 

His fear of loss and determination to keep things in his life are significant parts of his character and have been since S1. That’s why he was so intent on finding Will. That's why he checked his walkie for El every night. That’s why he acts out in S3-S4. This isn’t an excuse for his behavior, but an explanation. It’s part of his trauma, and we see this in S4 with his fear of losing Will and El again: “Maybe I feel like I lost you or something,” and “I can't lose you,” respectively. I theorize that he fears being out of control regarding these things.

A lack of control also explains why he was so volatile to Will and El during and after Rink-O-Mania. For Will, Mike addresses this directly to him when he apologizes. It’s made evident to the audience that he acted cold in part because he thought Will was slipping away, but truthfully, he wasn’t aloof. He noticed everything about Will’s behavior and even managed to make the tragedy of that day about their friendship. Now, back to the apology, “About the last few days… You didn’t deserve anything… The truth is, the last year has been weird… Maybe I was worrying too much about El… And, I don’t know, maybe I feel like I lost you or something.” His defensiveness during the argument at the rink seems more like a trauma response than straight-up disinterest, which some people apparently think.

For El, I think this translates into him wanting her to need him. If El needs him, then there’s no way he can lose her, right? We know from the show that she doesn’t need him anymore. Mike also acknowledges this multiple times, and that thought terrifies him. In the last episode, he explains this to her, “... The truth is, El, I don’t know how to live without you… I can’t lose you, okay?”

Before Will shows Mike the painting in the van, Mike explains his dilemma. Will tries reassuring Mike, telling him that El will be fine, and Mike says he understands that. Mike then explains his true concern, “But what if after all this is over, she doesn’t need me anymore?... The truth is, when I stumbled on her in the woods, she just needed someone. It’s not fate, it’s not destiny, it’s just simple dumb luck. And one day, she's gonna realize that I’m just some random nerd that got lucky that Superman landed on his doorstep. I mean, at least Lois Lane is an ace reporter for The Daily Planet.” 

Will continues to comfort him, focusing more on the loss aspect of Mike’s trauma, which is made evident here. But those lines also make it clear that Mike is afraid El will realize his inferiority to her and abandon him. This is a good transition into Mike’s insecurity.

Insecurity

I’ve seen people argue against what Finn says here because Mike is part of the somewhat “outcast” group at school. I don’t think trying to argue that takes away from the fact that Mike did, does, and will continue to try and lead a “normal” lifestyle. He’s a teenage boy with a girlfriend and a friend group he fits into. That’s normal. He’s trying to get by. 

It was the same in S3. Mike was a kid with friends, a girlfriend, and a new want for maturity. It’s not unrealistic that the character is aging out of or into specific behaviors, especially ones that he’s previously exhibited. That leads us to his insecurity. 

We’ve had hints of it starting as far back as S1E3, when Troy injures Mike, and he initially lies about it to El so that he doesn’t seem like a loser. Similarly, these themes pick up with Will in S3E3 during their fight in the rain, “...We’re not kids anymore. I mean, what did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?”

Curiously, Mike is shown to be especially “normal” in California. He dresses differently than he does in Hawkins and acts more aloof. As Argyle says, “It’s a shitty knock-off.” Skipping forward to the “... She's gonna realize that I’m just some random nerd that got lucky that Superman landed on his doorstep… at least Lois Lane is an ace reporter for The Daily Planet” line, and we have a good enough view of Mike’s internal conflict.

He is deeply insecure, and it seems particularly so around El. I don’t know if this was addressed in the show, and I wish we had seen some of Mike’s letters, but does El even know about the Hellfire Club? I don’t believe we’re given any indication that she does, which could imply that Mike kept it hidden from her. It wouldn’t be surprising, considering his complete attitude change in California. Also keeping in mind that Mike stopped playing D&D when he was with her in S3 and only continued to play in S4 while El was away.

Mike also displays this insecurity by choosing to distance Will. For what reason, I can’t say for sure, but it’s probably something “abnormal.” 

Regardless, his insecurity ties into his fear of loss. The more normal he is, the more things he can maintain in life and the less he has to lose. Especially when it comes to El. It all stems back to his fear, not genuine malintent, and I see too many viewers misunderstand this. 

It also works the opposite way, to a different and lesser extent. If he’s out of Hellfire Club, he loses his “normal teenage clique.” Aside from losing El completely as someone he profoundly cares about, if he loses El as a partner, he loses his girlfriend. That’s a blow to his normality. 

Will is confusing to me. If he “loses” Will, just like he felt he did at the beginning of S4, he falls more into the pattern of trying to be normal. There’s no impact on his normality. By keeping Will at arms-length, Mike gravitated more towards his “shitty knock-off” version of himself. Something about Will brings out what Mike feels is abnormal in him, so by distancing himself, he could avoid it altogether. That’s likely in part what caused such a conflict at the beginning of S4: Mike’s inability to be “normal” while fully keeping Will in his life and vice versa, his inability to lose Will just to maintain normalcy.

"STurn"

We’ve focused on trauma and insecurity. Now, it’s time for self-identity. I think that's a theme in store for the future. I'll refer back to the “STurn” analysis I previously did.

Many of the songs on this playlist contain themes of a false identity. I’ll start with “Angst In My Pants” first. To quote my "STurn" analysis:

This song is about a person attempting to be someone they're not, suppressing who they really are, and it ultimately leading to dissatisfaction. The lyrics, "You can dress nautical / Learn to tie knots / Take lots of Dramamine / Out on your yacht" describe a faux lifestyle one lives that only serves to hurt them in the end: The idea of putting on a self-harming persona. This could be what Mike is going through in S5.

Next, we have "Substitute":

This track is about an idealized version of someone being put in place of their true self. The narrator describes a scenario in which their partner sees a version of them, "I'm a substitute for another guy / I look pretty tall but my heels are high / The simple things you see are all complicated / I look bloody young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah", that is unrealistic and put on, as seen in the lyrics "Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac / I look all white, but my dad was black / My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack"... The concept of a guise applies well to Mike, as referenced in Angst In My Pants. A recurring theme of hiding oneself really makes me think Mike is going to completely abandon his interests for a different lifestyle. I believe Finn has also mentioned that Mike wants to be as "normal" as possible, so I can't wait to see [how far] they take that idea. It could also be him realizing how he's been acting, and admitting that this "romanticized" version isn't true to him.

Finally, "The Rebel Kind":

Like The Better Side, I couldn't find any lyrics, so I'm doing it by ear. Though, I'm happy to say that this song is about a desire to embrace differences and rebellion. "We'll be free to run with the rebel kind" and "It's not easy, but I don't mind / I just want to run with the rebel kind" establish that. The track appears to tie into Mike's insecurity struggles throughout the playlist. It could be the narrator's struggle to keep up with societal norms before finally giving in to their truth instead of trying to conform, read as "they call us rebels but don't get how hard it is to for us to keep up." On the other hand, it could be the narrator commenting on how society doesn't understand people like them, and, by embracing their true selves, it proves more about who they are than conforming ever would; read as, "you think we're the rebellious ones, but you don't understand that we're more self-secure and strong than you'll ever be." I can see both of these interpretations working for Mike and his connection to the Party. The progression of insecurity in Angst In My Pants and potential realization of this guise in Substitute is wrapped up by Mike's self-acceptance here. I really hope this is how it plays out in S5.

Conclusion

Mike's brewing insecurity, paired with his trauma of loss, seems like it may boil over in S5. I theorize that he’ll drift even more into his “shitty knock-off” self, even if just on the surface, and do whatever he can to maintain normalcy in his life. Whether this leads to more conflict with Will, we’ll have to wait and see.

Besides that, Mike might eventually accept his "differences." He also may be willing to cope with loss for what it is, even if it’s the loss of the normalcy he tries so hard to maintain in certain situations. I can see Mike having a heavy emphasis on self-identity in S5, and as I said earlier, I can’t wait to see where they take that.

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed!

As is customary with all my posts, if anything here is incorrect or you believe there’s something I should add, feel free to let me know. I’d love to have more conversations about Mike and read all the predictions for S5 I can.

[paisleypens]

Hehe it’s me again I hope you’re having a wonderful day! I hope it’s okay that I have another request!

I keep having these wonderful ideas and I just know that you’re the perfect one to write them, that’s why I ask you. (The best of the best I re-read your stories way too many times)

Could you maybe write a Spencer Reid x fem!reader? And basically the reader is VERY left out/excluded from the team? Like he tries to contribute but her voice isn’t just drowned out? Like she is just straight up ignored and feels left out? (Like maybe have a few situations on where those things happen?)

But Spencer being the lovely amazing man he is, is the only person that lets her say the things she wants to? And points out her thoughts about the cases to the team?

I don’t know you decide I just think it’s a good idea.

I just think it would be angsty yet so sweet at the same time. Thanks love!! 💕

hi mary!! this is so so sweet and comforting tysm for this request

anytime | spencer reid x f!reader

Y/N sat in her usual seat, her latest theory on the current case detailed in her notes. The team was gathered around the conference table, discussing the unsub's profile, and she was determined to contribute.

"Garcia, what do you have on the victim's background?" Hotch asked, his voice commanding.

Penelope launched into a detailed report, and Y/N saw an opportunity to share. She cleared her throat, preparing to speak, but her voice was lost as Morgan and Rossi began debating the unsub’s motivations.

Y/N sighed and slumped back in her chair, feeling the familiar pang of being overlooked. It wasn't intentional, she knew that, but it stung all the same. She glanced over at Spencer, who was deeply engrossed in his own analysis. Despite her efforts to suppress it, her heart always skipped a beat when she looked at him. He was kind, brilliant, and the only one who seemed to truly see her.

As the meeting wrapped up, Spencer approached her desk, his characteristic awkward smile on full display. “Hey, Y/N. I noticed you were trying to say something earlier. What was it?”

Y/N's cheeks flushed slightly. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just a theory about the unsub’s ritualistic behavior. But it’s not that important.”

Spencer’s smile wiped to a frown. “Everything you have to say is important. Why don’t you tell me now, and I’ll bring it up with the team?”

Y/N hesitated but eventually nodded. She explained her theory about the specific pattern in the unsub’s kills, noting similarities to ancient rituals meant to ward off evil spirits.

Spencer listened intently, his eyes never leaving hers. “That’s a fascinating angle, Y/N. We should definitely consider it.”

The next morning, the team was back in the conference room, and Spencer made sure Y/N sat next to him. As they reviewed the case files, he turned to Hotch. “Y/N has an interesting theory about the unsub’s behavior that I think we should discuss.”

Hotch looked at her, quizzically. “Is this the best use of our time?”

“Yes, it is. Hotch, it's unfair to treat Y/N as less than others just because she doesn't speak over everyone like the rest of you do.”

The room went into a stunned silence as the team looked around at each other. Everyones guilty eyes eventually landed back on Y/N.

Spencer lightly nodded and Y/N found the courage to speak up. She detailed her observations, and this time, the team listened. Rossi even praised her for noticing something they’d all overlooked.

After the meeting, Spencer caught up with her in the hallway. “See? Your insights are valuable. Don’t doubt yourself.”

Y/N smiled, her heart fluttering at his words. “Thanks, Spencer. It means a lot coming from you. You didn't have to do that”

He smiled back, a warmth in his eyes that made her heart race. “But I can and I will. Anytime, Y/N. Anytime.”

Days turned into weeks, and Y/N’s confidence grew. Spencer continued to stand by her side, always ensuring her voice was heard. The team began to notice her more, and slowly, she started feeling like she truly belonged.

One evening, as they were both working late, Spencer and Y/N found themselves alone in the uncommonly quiet office.

“Y/N, can I ask you something?” Spencer’s voice broke the silence tentatively.

“Of course, Spence. What’s up?” she replied, curious.

He took a deep breath, gathering his courage. “I... I’ve been meaning to tell you something. I... really… I like you. More than just a colleague.”

Y/N’s heart stopped. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? “Spencer, I... I feel the same way. I’ve had a crush on you for a while now.”

His eyes widened in surprise, a mixture of relief and joy flooding his features. “Really? I thought it was just me.”

Y/N laughed softly, the tension melting away. “No, it’s definitely not just you.”

Spencer smiled, a genuine, heartfelt smile. “I’m glad to hear that. Maybe we could... go out sometime? Just the two of us?”

“I’d love that,” Y/N said, her heart swelling with happiness.

[the-conversation-pod]

Mixed Nuts, Part 2: Thoughts on Yaoi

And we're back! Japan is churning them out almost faster than we can keep up, so we dedicated a whole grab bag episode to give them the attention they're asking for. Ben, NiNi, Ginny, and Shan talk what's working and what's not in Japanese BL as we discuss Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun, One Room Angel, Perfect Propose, Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro Ka, I Want To See Only You and I Became the Star of a BL Drama.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Grab Bag Part 2: J-BL 00:02:22 - Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun 00:11:29 - One Room Angel 00:18:54 - A Note on MBS Tunku Shower 00:26:01 - Perfect Propose 00:49:27 - Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka 01:04:44 - I Want To See Only You 01:10:55 - I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama 01:26:16 - Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re your drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Grab Bag Part 2: J-BL

Ben 

And we're back. Continuing into Grab Bag episode 2, this time we're going to talk about all the Japanese projects. 

We are still with pod team members Ginny and Shan. Say hi, Ginny. 

Ginny 

Hello. 

Ben 

Say hi, Shan. 

Shan 

Hi again. 

NiNi 

We are here to talk about Japanese BL, Japanese drama, all things Japanese, aka Ben's favorite thing, aka Ginny's starting to become favorite thing, aka Shan's actual favorite thing, aka my I'm gettin’ there thing. 

Ben 

We will be talking about six shows this week. We're talking about Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun, One Room Angel, Perfect Propose, Although I Love You, and You? aka Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka, I Want to See Only You, and I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama. 

NiNi, take us in. 

00:02:22 - Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun

NiNi

Let's start with Sahara-sensei, which I did not watch. So, Ben or Shan, who wants to complain about this?

Ben

Well, there's no need for you to watch it, bestie, because it was horrible! 

Shan

Horrible!

Ben

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun is a Japanese BL from MBS through Drama Shower about a juvenile delinquent who falls for a new teacher who seems to pay attention to him, and starts to reform his behaviors as a result of this relationship. But the teacher’s got his own baggage, and then the show makes a goddamn mess of all of this. And we have very many gripes to voice! 

[exhales] It was not good. Ginny, did you watch this show? 

Ginny

I did. 

Ben

I feel like you were less pissed than me and Shan. Is that true?

Ginny

I'm usually less pissed than you and Shan. 

Shan

I think it's just a natural state—[NiNi laughs]

NiNi

I don't think anybody could be as pissed as Shan. [Ben and NiNi laugh]

Shan

Right!

Ginny

Scaling for our norms, I think I was about as pissed. I really did not like the show.

Ben

Oh, yes! Go for it, Ginny! Tell it! Kill ‘em. Kill ‘em, bestie!

Ginny

I don't know anything about the source material, but it felt like it was trying to set up two taboo relationships: one teacher student, and one side ship that was sort of step-siblings. And then it completely whiffed both of those and decided, bizarrely, to deal with the taboo nature, particularly the main relationship, as if it simply isn't a taboo. 

No one cared! No one cared that this teacher and student were having a romance. It was simply not addressed, or didn't seem to be a concern to anybody. It made the show baffling to follow because it was like they lived in this alternate universe where that doesn't matter, but other things like homophobia do matter—but only sometimes. It was not coherent. 

I really enjoyed Toki, the juvenile delinquent. He was delightful. His actor was really fun, and that's really what kept me watching the show for however many episodes it was—six, eight, ten? Eight. That's what kept me watching the show for eight episodes, even though by about the midpoint, it really felt like it was not doing or saying anything interesting.

Ben

Shan, go in and let have.

Shan

Okay, I will! This show is fucking infuriating. I am still so mad every time I think about it.

Ben

[laughs] I can hear it in her voice.

Shan

Ugh! Here's the thing with the teacher student trope: it can be done well. It has been done well. The way that you do this trope well is that you take that relationship seriously. You have to care in the story that there is a power dynamic here, that a teacher has a role to play and a job to do with regard to their students, that they are an adult who is meant to be trusted to guide their students to good life choices, to their own social/emotional wellbeing, to care about their futures, to care about their education. This show just utterly, utterly failed on that front, and it makes the teacher character here completely irredeemable and unbelievable as an education professional. At no point did this show take its own concept seriously. It wanted us to engage with this romance as if this was just a normal teen love story between a teenage boy and a slightly older boy. There was no reckoning with the fact that this was his teacher. 

The biggest sin, among many, was that we were shown through the story that Toki was not actually helped by this relationship with Sahara-sensei. We were shown that Toki—because of his feelings for his teacher, and because of his desire to impress this prospective love interest—that he made choices that were harmful to him. That he did not seek help when he was being bullied. That he did not take his education and his assignment seriously because he was too focused on this crush. We began the show with the notion that he was a juvenile delinquent who needed support and mentorship. He's a good kid, a nice kid, a kind kid, and he just needed some guidance. But he didn't get any fucking guidance from this teacher. 

Instead, what he got was a distraction and an extraordinarily self-centered adult who really only cared about what he was getting—the confidence boost that he was getting—out of this relationship with his student. Did not look out for this kid, did not help him focus on his studies, did not help him prepare for his future, and did not help him in any meaningful way with the problems that he was experiencing at school. 

This show literally ended with Toki [volume increases] graduating, walking out of the school building, spotting Sahara, and chucking his diploma into the fucking bushes so that he could run and kiss his boyfriend, because school's over now and he doesn't have to care about appearances anymore. I actually could not fucking believe that. And the wildest part of all of this is that the show doesn't seem to have any awareness about it. This is not a narrative about a student getting so obsessed with a teacher that he loses his way. This is just being presented as a straightforward, happy and positive romance that we're supposed to root for. It is one of the most baffling things I have ever fucking seen.

NiNi

Tell ‘em why you mad, son! Tell ‘em why you mad! [laughs]

Ben

Bestie, everything you said was true and correct. I will add further that this show does not get the benefit of the doubt of being BL to cop out about a lot of this because of the backstory they give on Sahara and Nekoto—his junior in high school, now fellow teacher. The failure of their relationship is grounded in the realities of homophobia and taboo, so there's no way to approach the Sahara-Toki relationship under the guise of “any m/m attraction is fine because BL,” because the show draws attention to the social and political realities of queerness. 

And it's especially frustrating because Sahara actually gives decent guidance to another student: the Todo character, who is playing injured as a basketball player. Sahara talks him down from going into a match that he shouldn't because he's hurt in a way that I thought was really excellent from an educator, because he doesn't tell the kid, “You shouldn't play.” He asked the kid pointed questions, making the kid self-introspect and recognize for himself that he should not play. Which only exacerbates the issues that Shan eloquently highlighted just now about how fucked up this whole thing is, because he does not bring that same awareness to the relationship he has with Toki. It is such a weird experience with this show and I really hated it.

Ginny

I think that about covers it. It just feels like it didn't know what it was trying to do, and it did everything badly.

NiNi

I think that's an excellent tagline. [Ben laughs] So, those of you who watched it, it's time to rate. 

Shan, you first.

Shan

I gave it a 3, and I think reflecting in this moment, I want to lower it to a 2. I'm giving it a 2.

Ben

I agree. Go ahead. Ginny?

Ginny

Oh man, so I give it a 6.5. [Ben hmms] I simply don't finish shows that I'm gonna rate lower than a 4 or a 5. On the surface level, there were moments that I really enjoyed about this. As I said, I did like the performance of the Toki character in particular, so I gave it some credit for that.

Ben

I agree with Shan. I originally gave this show a 4. I'm lowering it to a 3. [Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

Let's talk about it again in a couple of months, see where we land.

Ben

I'm giving the show a 3.5 from The Conversation. That is not how the math works, but that's what I'm giving it.

Shan

Feels right.

00:11:29 - One Room Angel

NiNi

Moving on to our next show, let's talk One Room Angel. 

Ben, what is One Room Angel about?

Ben

One Room Angel is a story about a depressed man who ends up hanging out with an angel for a few weeks, it feels like, and starts to maybe come out of his depressive spiral as a result, which ends up with some really sad over- and undertones from what we learn about the angel character. 

This is a kind of difficult show to talk about from a BL perspective, because I don't really think it's a BL. This wasn't really a romance. From my understanding, the angel character is significantly younger in the source material, and I get why they maybe chose not to go that direction. Shan had more complex thoughts, I think, than I did about the genre assignment of this show.

Shan

I like this show. I just want to say that upfront, I think it's a really beautiful show, a really thought-provoking show. I think it has some really interesting things to say about depression and self worth and finding meaning and life and the will to live. I liked all of its themes. I liked the characters. 

I do think that it feels incomplete as a narrative, and it feels like there was supposed to be a romance arc here that got removed. I don't know if that's true, I haven't read the source material, but that's kind of how it felt upon watching it. I don't think it's a BL. There's no romance here. There's what feels more like a platonic friendship to me between Koki and the Angel. 

This show has some of the most beautiful cinematography that we've seen in Drama Shower. Some of the visual imagery is really striking, and I still think about it off and on. I like the way that they constructed Koki as this character who is kind of downtrodden, but kind at his core. He's just been through some shit, he's had a hard life. And I like that, I like that he was someone who was very easy to sympathize with. The Angel was a good foil for him. He would come at him in ways that would provoke him and give him some spark, make him feel a little bit alive again, which was what was missing and what was so important. 

I think the show wasn't that strong on unpacking the mystery of the Angel and who he had been in his life, and connecting that back to Koki. I think there were a few different threads here and they didn't all come together seamlessly, but I did really like the core story of healing. 

I do have feelings about this tendency we're seeing recently in the MBS Drama Shower shows of sprinkling in some non-BLs in the lineup. This is a dedicated time slot that is explicitly meant to be for BL shows, and there have been a couple now in the lineup that don't really fit that bill, and so I do kind of regret that we got this show as part of the Drama Shower lineup instead of another BL. But I'm glad we got the show. I like it a lot. I think it has some good things to offer.

Ben

Ginny, were you able to watch this show?

Ginny

I was! In the interest of precision, because we're talking about it not being a romance, which I do kind of agree with. They do have a conversation about being boyfriends, and they have this cute little beach date and stuff, but it feels like something that's sort of tacked on to make it fit in the BL space. It doesn't feel like it's actually part of their story. The connection that grows between them is, but the romance was not really played out. So even though they kind of give it lip service, it doesn't feel like it's there, which is why we're all saying it's not a romance. I think my favorite thing about the show was the Koki character.

Ben

This is Ginny's favorite character type: the hot mess. [Ginny and Shan laugh]

Ginny

I love a hot mess. I do. He's older, which I also like. He's not especially pretty, which is a nice change of pace. And he's just so down in it and can't seem to get himself out. I do like the story of him sort of getting forced roommate Angel therapy, basically. So yeah, I enjoyed it. I didn't deeply love it. 

For the themes that it was getting into, it could have gone deeper. It's got some really dark material in both of the characters' backstories, and it didn't feel to me like it really followed through strongly enough on the resolutions to those things. But it also wasn't a total miss.

Ben

I ended up feeling really complicated about this show. I feel like I was very unfairly comparing it to Eternal Yesterday a lot, and because it wasn't BL I was a little bit frustrated that this time slot was going into non-BL content. Like, it feels like the original thing was BL, and they decided in their adaptation not to lean into the potential romance between an adult and a high school student. A totally fine adaptation choice, but it's like, why adapt this work then? It doesn't exactly work for me as a result. 

I really liked the Angel character. I liked how sassy he was, and pushy he was about stuff. Nishimura Takuya; loved the way he played the Angel character. I really liked the aesthetic with his all-white outfit the whole time. I really liked the effort that the costuming department put into his wings. That was not easy, particularly on the budget that Drama Shower was clearly working on. I thought they got a lot of good work out of the animatronics of his wings. I really wish we had gotten more about Koki's yakuza based trauma. There's an allusion to this with the brother that feels a bit incomplete for me. Or the stuff with his mom, Arisa. 

There's like a weird ambiguity with the end of this too, where some of the viewers thought that Koki also died at the end, tragically.

Ginny

What?

Shan

Wait, what? I don't think—he didn't die.

Ben

I didn't think he died, but apparently that was one of the reads.

Shan

Fascinating.

Ginny

Huh.

Shan

That didn't occur to me, but you can't really argue with it in a show that leaves things this unfinished.

Ben

Exactly, and that's why I was a little unsettled by it towards the end, because I'm like, “Well, I can't refute that, but also damn!” [Shan laughs] “Y'all killed this man so they could fuck? Shit!” 

Okay. [Ginny laughs]

Shan

[laughs] Oh boy, we better wrap it up there.

Ben

So let's rate this experience. Ginny?

Ginny

I gave it a 7. Not bad for what it was. Not great.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it an 8. I liked some of what it was trying to do, but I don't think it fully got there on all of its storylines or really on its themes.

Ben

I gave it an 8 originally. I think I'm going to downgrade it to a 7.5, so we'll give it a 7.5 from The Conversation.

00:18:54 - A Note on MBS Tunku Shower

Ben

Let's discuss Drama Shower before we move to the other projects. As of this recording, we are almost at the end of My Strawberry Film, the last outing from Drama Shower Season 2, and currently MBS has not renewed the Drama Shower time slot for additional projects. They may renew this in the future, but let's talk on the podcast how we feel about Drama Shower after almost 11 projects, the role this time slot has fulfilled, and our complex reactions to all of the projects.

Ginny

I like that they did so many different kinds of things. Almost none of the Drama Shower shows are favorites of mine. There are a lot that I quite liked, and a few that I could see rewatching, but I do appreciate the commitment to do and try a bunch of different things. I hope that something like it gets renewed or gets put in place because, as we discussed a little bit last time talking about genre, I want to see experimental BL. I want to see different ideas and frameworks being explored, even ones that we hated like Sahara-sensei and Toki-kun. I would rather they make a bag of shows that includes a terrible one than just crank out the same reliable favorites, so. While I don't love most of the individual shows, I feel positively about the project.

Ben

Shan, how are you feeling?

Shan

I'm sad at the prospect that Drama Shower might not continue. It did produce one of my all time favorite BLs—Eternal Yesterday—and while I don't always love the shows, I love that we can rely on a steady progression of shows being released. When one show ends, we know the next is coming very soon. Japanese media can feel uncertain. We often don't find out about shows until right before they air. We often find out about a show, but then find out that it's not accessible to us, and we can't watch it. It's been nice to have kind of a steady, reliable place where we know we could go to find a Japanese BL, and I like how, you know, like Ginny said, how experimental it's been. They're doing a lot of different types of shows, a lot of different tones and styles. 

A lot of them have been not my favorites. Maybe, like, mid to bad, but there have been a few real gems in this lineup. Not only Eternal Yesterday, but also shows like Jack o’ Frost and Tokyo in April is… These are shows that stuck with me, that I really enjoyed the watch experience for, and I hope that even if Drama Shower as a dedicated time slot doesn't come back, that MBS will keep churning out these shows and releasing them at a steady clip because I think that they are pretty solid. I really like this format for Japan, where they do these six- to eight-episode shows. These tight contained stories. Have a pretty clear sense of what they want to do most of the time, with some exceptions. And I'd like to see that continue. 

We've had this kind of recent boom of Japanese BL. And I don't want that to go away. I want them to keep producing shows and I want to always have a Japanese BL airing, ideally. So yeah, I'm hopeful that if not this exact project, that something will come back, that we will continue to get shows that are interesting and a fun watch.

Ben

I'm also a bit sad that we might be losing Drama Shower because I really like what Azuma Kaoru has talked about with it from the little bits of translation we've gotten. They have a real commitment to BL as a genre and showcasing what BL can be. I like the Drama Shower has had two original projects both times it's run. Jack o’ Frost was original and My Strawberry Film is original, and whether or not we end up deciding that these projects were especially good or not, I actually think it's really healthy for BL as a genre to not be as tied to the developmental format where we basically just raid the closet and see what indie writers have been up to and then quickly adapt their shows. I'm really curious what knowing that you're developing for television right away enables with the storytelling.

So, I'm a little bit bummed that we don't know for sure if Drama Shower is coming back right now, but I've really enjoyed this entire project. My average rating for Drama Shower was just under 8, which feels correct. If you like BL, Drama Shower has been a really fascinating project because it's been so varied. We had some cool stuff that came out of it. I thought Mr. Unlucky had some cool ideas. I loved Eternal Yesterday. Takara-kun and Amagi-kun let me down slightly, but I liked it! Like, I liked almost every single one of these outings—except for fucking Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun.

Shan

They really had to come in and ruin it right at the end, didn't they? [laughs]

Ben

For fuck’s sake. I will miss this if we don't get it back, but I really like what we got from it. 

NiNi, any thoughts on Drama Shower from sort of only getting our reactions to it and then being prodded about some of the shows?

NiNi

When you were talking to me about some of the Drama Shower shows, you basically were saying these are Japanese pulps. So I've tried to place them in the BL firmament, for me, according to them being mostly pulps. I've only watched three of the Drama Shower shows. I've watched Jack o’ Frost, I watched Tokyo in April, and I watched My Personal Weatherman. Of those three, Jack o’ Frost is easily my favorite, but the shows that I've watched coming out of Japan that weren’t Drama Shower in the last year or two were actually the ones that I enjoyed overall more. So, while I appreciate the role of Drama Shower, what it has done in giving a dedicated time slot, much like in Thailand GMMTV Frigay was a dedicated time slot to help build some bits of the genre. This is kind of similar. 

It's a lab, and I think that the genre needs its labs. I think Drama Shower is a good lab, and I'm sure we're going to get another good lab out of Japan again soon. So, yeah, I think that the project was worthy. I only really watched a little bit of it, but I think I could also see how some of the things that it was working through have already started to percolate a little bit through some of the other stuff that we're getting out of Japan. Specifically out of MBS, but also are some of the other places.

00:26:01 - Perfect Propose

Ben 

On to our next show: Perfect Propose. 

NiNi 

Yes, bring it on! I love this show. 

Ben 

Shan, would you like to describe Perfect Propose for us? 

Shan 

Sure. Our protagonist Hiro, who is extremely overworked, exhausted, very stressed out by his soul-sucking corporate job, is found, passed out on the sidewalk, by his childhood friend? Sweetheart? Question mark. I think they see that slightly differently, but a childhood friend named Kai, who has also just come into some personal hardship. Kai decides to move in with Hiro to take care of him and also so he has a place to stay. And the story is primarily about Hiro seeing his way out of this really horrible burnout situation that he finds himself in with Kai’s support. 

Ben 

Second chance romance is my favorite thing in BL [Shan trills] so I had a great time with this show. One of the things the show really focused on was how fucking horrible Hiro's fucking job was. 

Shan

Mmhmm.

NiNi 

Listen! Oh my God, it was too real. 

Ben 

I want to talk about that part first because, while I think we all have mostly positive things to say about Hiro and Kai's relationship, I don't want to downplay that particular portion, because the show cared a lot about. And I know, Ginny, you landed on the uncomfortable to slightly put off side of that presentation. It's rare that I see you repulsed when we're watching something. And it was interesting seeing you have a difficult time with that. 

Ginny 

My issue really was that, as the second half of the show came into play, it became clear that this wasn’t primarily a romance. This was a story about Hiro escaping his soul-sucking corporate job and also being more attentive to his body in the most fundamental sense of, like, his needs as a human being. I felt like I'd been a little bit bait and switched. The setup of the first couple episodes, tt's very much about Kai offering him this physical nurturance, including sexual attention that he was in need of, and possibly their relationship growing. And then it let that be nothing more than a catalyst for Hiro to leave his situation. There was like an episode and a half that were really just fully dedicated to the misery of his job and how and why he was so stuck in it. 

I was just like, they're doing this well, but I didn't sign up for it and I'm not enjoying it. [laughs] So that was my experience. 

Ben 

I respect that. While we're talking about the job stuff, I want to go to NiNi, because I think of all of us, you had the strongest response to the corporate culture stuff. 

NiNi 

Oh my God, it was like I was seeing myself. So, if you listen to us, you will know that I'm doing this thing where I've restarted my life in my 40s. And the reason that I'm doing it is because I left a job like this. I left a soul-sucking job where I was being gaslit and basically burnt out and destroyed, and so this was almost like a healing drama for me. I would just settle in like, “oh, I'm gonna stab the boss. Oh, he's making him food. I want somebody to make me food. This is so awesome. I'm so glad. Is he gonna get out? I need him to get out. Hell, I need all of them to get out. Why don't they all quit?” 

Like, I was having that running commentary in my head while I was watching the show. It was very cathartic for me. I enjoyed everything about it. It was too real. The gaslighting from their boss, especially, was the part that sort of sent me a little bit into a crouch. I was just like, “oh, I'm having flashbacks,” but I needed it. I needed to see Perfect Propose. 

It wasn't just an enjoyment for me. It was something I needed to excise from my life and I was able to do it through Perfect Propose. So, it was great for me. The experience was so cathartic. Can't complain about it at all. Fantastic. 

Ben 

Shan, I remember you having some thoughts because, I don't know that you lived through this sort of stuff directly, but you know colleagues who did. 

Shan 

Yeah, I'm, I think more on NiNi’s side of the line with this, in that I experienced it as more cathartic and healing. I have been in some toxic workplaces. I've never been in quite the kind of place that Hiro was in in this story like NiNi has. But, I thought it was just a really authentic presentation of that kind of work experience. I thought it was a really genuine representation of the dynamics that can come up in a workplace like that. 

One of my favorite things that happened in the show is that Hiro's supervisor left and Hiro became the supervisor, and then he was put in the position of having to drive his team to do the kind of things that he had been driven to do. And he was realizing how limited his options were for breaking that cycle. And I thought that that was just such an important note to include here. It's not the people within the system that are the problem, it's the system itself and it's all reinforcing. 

Ben 

I was also Hiro in my last job and my team and I, we quit—on my birthday, no less. What an incredible experience. So I started the age of 32 [laughs] unemployed. Which was fun. 

I really liked that the show leaned into the work culture aspect of it, that Hiro's previous supervisor was like. “You need to quit, too. Like, I'm leaving. I got a better offer. You are way better than these people allow you to think of yourself as. You should quit, too.” I loved Hiro staying because he thought he needed to insulate his team from that kind of hell. And I love that he failed, spectacularly. Like, he tried to save a younger dev from that and he couldn't. 

I really appreciated that they show that there's no amount of effort that overcomes that sort of nonsense. A lot of the times when they do the adult BL, the work part of being an adult feels kind of missing or nebulous. They're mostly using work to recreate the cliquish dynamics of high school to tell those sort of stories, and I really appreciate it that this show, and the next show we're going to talk about actually, don't do that. 

I want to refocus now that we've talked about really fucked up, sad work part of this, on the relationship between Kai and Hiro. Part of what locked me in on this show, right away was Kai literally picks passed out Hiro up off the street, takes him back to his house, feeds him some proper food, and then jerks him off so he can go to sleep. Hiro was more than a little overwhelmed by all of this. But that man's skin cleared up the next day. 

NiNi 

[laughs] He was looking refreshed, restored, rejuvenated. 

Ben 

We had some complex reactions in our own circle and online about that particular encounter. Ginny, I want to get your commentary on this part because I think you often have the most nuanced appreciation of sexual moments that carry a level of dubious consent. And I wonder if you have any thoughts about that. 

Ginny 

One thing that you and I have talked about, Ben, is people often put male-female frameworks onto these shows. Which is not to say that consent isn't a problem between men, ‘cause it for sure is. But the way that these dynamics play out and the way that the core relational dynamics between men work is not always comparable and can't always be mapped onto a male-female dynamic. 

How I read this scene and how I think it was intended to be read is Hiro can't say, “Oh yes, do this, please,” because he's not in a headspace to accept that this is something that he could want from another man, or really at all. And again, it's really difficult to talk about this without inviting people to map it on all kinds of other situations where it doesn't belong. So please don't do that. But the way this scene is constructed felt very clearly to me like, this is something that Hiro is willing to let happen to him and maybe needs to let happen to him, but is not able to affirmatively say yes to because of where he is in his head, and especially with the way that intimacy develops between the characters later fulfilled the storyline that they set up in that first scene. 

NiNi 

I feel like this is a place we always land up in with Asian media because of the ways that Asian media portrays and puts forward ideas about what is acceptable sexually, what it is acceptable to want and not want, how it is acceptable to relate in a sexual manner. I feel like these always come up when we're dealing with Asian media. People talk about wanting to change the conversation in Asian media around this kind of stuff, and I fully understand that. 

But this story read to me pretty old school yaoi and because of that I got where the headspace of the story was coming from. Like you said, Ginny, this can't be mapped on to everything else. But in this specific story I saw where it was coming from. 

Ben 

For me, I think I would have been more concerned about their dynamic if not for the morning after conversation in the bathroom. The energy in that scene was Kai being very attentive and almost doing, like, aftercare with Hiro, who was clearly into the dynamic with that whole scene with the hair gel and then him giving him the key so he could stay and then the next episode being like, why has nothing happened since that moment? Which also, like NiNi said, is very old school yaoi.

Shan 

Sexual encounters with dubious consent happen a lot in life. It's a thing that happens. I don't need every depiction of it in fiction to be accompanied by someone turning to the camera and saying, “That was dubious consent, and it's bad.” Instead of just letting the context of the story and the characters’ reactions let us know what their headspace was and why it happened. 

And I think that the show did that. I think that we understood Hiro and Kai's dynamic well as the show progressed. I think that we saw a pattern develop where Hiro would hope for or want something from Kai, but wouldn't ask for it. And Kai could read him and see what he was going for. I like that Kai got to a point of teasing him about that and pushed him to ask for the things he wants or come right out and say or do something to confirm it. I thought it was quite legible what the show was going for here, so I was not troubled by it. They did a good job of building a believable dynamic for them of Hiro coming to rely on Kai for all kinds of different comforts and as his main source of care and pleasure. 

Ben 

I think they did a great job conveying that Kai was totally down for Hiro the whole time without it feeling, like, possessive. I particularly enjoyed around—was it episode 5 when they had that kiss on the bench where he's like,”Hirokuni-san, have you made your decision yet?” I thought that was great. 

Shan 

Pairing that with teasing him with the shots of the delicious dinners he was making at home, that Hiro wasn't making it home to eat. I think the message from Kai always, consistently, was this is all here for you. You just gotta take it. And I like that. That felt adult to me. 

Ben 

I want to talk about Kai a little bit. We know that Hiro is obviously at the end of his rope when we first see him passed out on the street, people walking past him. We learned fairly quickly that Kai is also kind of at the end of his rope. He's been a neglected, lonely child for a long time, and the only other person who ever seemed to give a shit about him was in the midst of a health crisis, and that guy's son was keeping him away from the dad because he didn't understand their relationship. 

NiNi 

I really liked, actually, that part of the issue that Kai was having with his boss and his son was that Kai couldn't ask for what he wanted out of the boss. He clearly saw the boss as a father figure and the boss saw him as a son figure, but he couldn't talk about it. It's very Japanese. He couldn't presume and he couldn't put himself in a position where he appeared presumptuous. So he had to take a step back. Be polite. He couldn't say certain things. He couldn't behave in certain ways. This is the situation, I'm going to make myself as small as possible in this situation. And then once it got to the point where he felt like maybe he could have presumed a little more, the son started to understand, “Okay, this is actually sort of a father son dynamic here,” the son backed down immediately. He was just like, “I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you guys were to each other.”

I really liked that. I am often the one who complains about the Japanese non-communication or Japanese communication and how it is frustrating for me, but I thought this was a really good use of it, of Japanese cultural expectations around family and not wanting to be presumptuous about certain things. I really think that it played out really well here. I quite enjoyed that. 

Ben 

I love the relationship between Kai and the restaurant owner. Few things are more important to a boy than bonding with an older, grumpy man and connecting in the same grumpy way. It's extremely important to your development. 

Shan 

I like what you said NiNi about Kaiju's inability to communicate what Kenji meant to him and what he was seeking from the relationship, and I like that that was mirrored in Kenji, the restaurant owner, also not being able to say out loud what the deal was, like, why this boy mattered to him. He also kept his mouth shut and didn't explain it to his son, I think for similar reasons. They have a very emotional bond that they both found hard to talk about or justify to other people. I did like that. 

I will say, though, that I do think that the Kai side of this show is the weaker element, perhaps of the story. Hiro's narrative was the main narrative, but Kai had a story too, and I do think it didn't get the fullness that Hiro's did, and it was one area where I wanted a little bit more from the show than what we got. 

Ginny 

This is more to my personal preferences than necessarily show doing right or wrong. I was much more interested in Kai and his situation than in Hiro's situation, so I also would have liked to see more of it. There were a lot of layers to the ways that Kai and Hiro each struggled to take care of themselves or see themselves as deserving care. We did get that fully played through with Hiro and we didn't really get to see Kai’s own dovetailing/mirror image issue of that fully realized and I would have liked to see it. 

Ben 

Getting back to some of the adult things I really liked in this, I really liked the whole missed opportunity around the festival because Hiro is unable to leave his job and tell him to fuck off. And I really liked Kai, just sort of accepting that disappointment, but getting something kind of interesting out of it by growing the strawberries in the tank they were hoping to use for something else. 

I really liked the failure of that moment. Hiro getting mad with himself on Kai's behalf and being frustrated that Kai didn't presume more from him and voicing all of the ways that he kind of was a jerk about the whole festival thing. I think that was one of my favorite moments in the show where Hiro gets mad, but doesn't really have a great outlet for it because he knows he's the one who's at fault. And so Kai's telling him, “It doesn't matter, like, you don't owe me anything,” only frustrated him even more. 

NiNi 

Yeah, because he wants Kai to expect things of him by that point, and he's not even entirely sure why. But he does want Kai to feel like he has responsibilities towards him. 

Ginny 

You do see Hiro consistently more upset about other people not getting what they deserve than himself [Shan mmhmms] with Kai in that situation and with his new underlying when he becomes the team lead. 

Ben 

I'm never getting over that man having a couch that matches the aesthetic of the chairs in his office. 

Shan

I clocked that in the first episode and I was so depressed. I was like, no! 

[Shan and Ben laugh] 

Ben 

I remember you pointed it out first. 

Shan 

I was like y'all, are you seeing these colors? I'm not usually a colors person, either. I don't usually notice that shit. But that was so striking to me that the one pop of color in his entire gray, sad home was that green couch that was the same green as the chairs in his office. Depressing as fuck.

Ben 

Before we get to ratings, we gotta do a shout out for Hiori, the junior dev who was clearly a fujoshi who was keyed in right away to watch series. 

[all laugh] 

Shan

I loved her!

NiNi 

She was so ready when they went on the work dinner and she was like, “All right, I'm headed out. I'm going home. Y'all are getting drunk. I'm not sticking around for this, I'm gonna catch the last train” and then Hiro’s drunk and somebody's like, “oh, we're gonna call the guy he's living with.” And she sat back down immediately, like, “He's coming here? I need to see this.” 

Shan 

Sat her ass right back down and ordered another beer. She was like, “Hell no, I'ma miss that train.” 

NiNi 

“I'm gonna pay for this Uber ride or this taxi and I'm gonna like it.” 

Ben 

I loved her. She was like, “Oh, shit, Am I gonna get to see him?” And she got everything she wanted. Kai showed up, sweaty. 

Shan 

Ooo, sweaty from his run. Mmm. 

Ben 

Glared at Konoko, like, “Don't you ever fucking put your hands on him ever again, I will fucking kill you. And she was, like, “I got everything I needed.” 

[Shan laughs]

NiNi 

She didn't even go home after that. She's just like, “Well, I need another drink because that was delightful.” 

Ben 

I do appreciate that we got to see Hiro, quit that job and stop prioritizing it at the end. Like, he woke up, clearly from them having a good session the night before, like “I ain't answering that fucking phone.” And we saw that the other employees have seemingly maybe left their job because they all looked like they were happy in the park. And they ran into Konoko, as well. So, I feel very relieved by the end of this drama. 

Shan 

I definitely interpret that group picnic at the end as confirmation that they have all left that awful job. 

Ben 

Particularly because Sakamoto was also there and I'm really glad that he looked okay. 

NiNi 

Listen, I was so worried about that kid. I was so worried that I stopped in the middle of my binge to ask. “Listen, you'll need to tell me if this kid is okay, because the last time I saw him, he was having a meltdown. And then they sent him home. And then I have not seen him. So y’all need to tell me that he's fine.” And they were like, “Yeah, he's fine” and then I was able to continue the show. 

Ben 

So, ratings! NiNi. 

NiNi 

I gave the show a 9.5. I agree with Shan and Ginny that I wanted to see a little bit more of Kai’s side of the story because I think it was actually quite intriguing. I understand that they didn't have a ton of time and they didn't use their time well, but I would have liked to see a bit more of the Kai side of things. 

Ben 

Ginny? 

Ginny 

I gave it an 8.5. I think execution-wise it probably merits a 9, but I did dock it for my own personal enjoyment because it's my rating and I'm allowed. 

Ben 

Absolutely. Shan? 

Shan 

I gave it a 9. I agree with basically what NiNi said. I think if they had managed to drive home Kai’s side of the story a little firmer, it would have been a higher score for me. But it's a good show, I really liked it. 

Ben 

It's not an obvious recommend right away, because then they have to get involved in the discourse and so it’s hard for me to just go, “It's a 10. Go watch it right now!” But I like the show a lot, so I gave it a 9 because there are reasonable knocks on some threads not being fully completed and yaoi considerations around male sex that made me a little bit grumpy to deal with while we were watching this. 

It gets a 9 from The Conversation. I liked it a lot, I think it's worth your time. 

NiNi 

I have to add, whenever I saw Kai’s hands, I kept thinking about the discussion I had with Ben about yaoi hands. 

[all laugh]

Ben 

He did have yaoi hands. 

NiNi 

He had massive hands! 

Ben 

I have started following that actor. His real smile is so fu,n he is worth following on IG. 

NiNi 

Bestie you know I don't do the socials, but for those of you who do. 

Ben 

I do. That's what I'm here for. 

00:49:27 - Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro Ka

NiNi

Moving on to Although I Love You, And You?—Japanese title Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka. Oh my God I can't believe I got that right the first time around.

Ben

Yeah, good job, bestie.

Shan

Good job, NiNi.

NiNi

I'm not gonna get it right again. So, Ben, what is Sukidoya about?

Ben

Sukidoya is a story about a burgeoning romance between a restaurant owner and a corporate salary man who has recently moved to Osaka from Tokyo. Both of these guys are coming out of failed relationships and find friendship and connection in each other. The restaurant owner already is very aware of his own queerness. Meets this guy and has an instant attraction to him and is determined to follow up on it, but decides that he should probably be a bit more cautious this time, particularly because of some of the cultural differences between Osaka and Tokyo. We get to see them try to sort through what their new potential relationship will look like with the complications that ensue. 

This was another show that we had a lot of complicated discussions about while we were watching it. Because you have more consternation than others, Shan, we'll let you go first, and then we'll follow up.

Shan

This is a show that I wanted to like more than I ended up liking. I really loved the main characters in this show. I liked that there was what felt like a very adult setup for the romance. These were two adult men with pasts, with romantic histories who had exes that were present in the story and actually had roles to play. They were coming together across differences, both cultural differences and differences in how they had experienced romance in the past, differences in how they relate, differences in their hobbies and personalities. I was very interested in all of that and I was really excited to get what I thought was going to be a pretty adult narrative about figuring out how to be in a relationship together across those differences. 

That's not really what the show ended up being about. There was a lot going on in the narrative here and some of it in the end didn't feel like it justified the amount of story time that it got. Some of it felt like it really derailed the story. There I'm speaking primarily about the insertion of a love triangle into the plot that I don't think ultimately served the story or the characters very well. Sakae’s ex, Mizuki, came into the story around the midpoint and I liked his inclusion initially, ‘cause I liked seeing this mature ex that was in the mix. It's very common for people to still have exes in their lives and we don't see it depicted very often in drama, and so I liked that he was around, that he was coming back into Sakae's orbit, that he was bringing up some issues for him that were maybe throwing a little bit of a wrench in this burgeoning romance that he had with Soga. But then the show really took that much further, turned it into a full blown love triangle, had Mizuki pursuing Sakae again, had him intervening in the romance, getting in the way, dating Sakae again briefly. It was a lot, ultimately, I think too much. It took up a lot of story time. It threw off the trajectory of Sakae and Soga’s relationship development. The pacing of the story felt pretty rushed. It felt like we hadn't really gotten to settle into any kind of relationship with them. Candidly, I am not generally a fan of love triangles. They can be done well and they have been, but this is a romance narrative in which a love triangle was kind of awkwardly inserted to create drama, and that's the kind I really don't like. That was a big negative for me on this show and threw off my investment in the romance. 

But it's not a show that I wanna be too negative about. I like a lot of what it did. I did like these characters, this smaller town restaurant owner who's really genuine and straightforward, but maybe not the most socially graceful guy. Being into this nerdy, quiet guy who has nothing in common with him, trying to figure out how to relate to each other, trying to figure out how to communicate across their differences. I really liked those aspects of it. I left the drama wishing that we had gotten a story more focused on that and less on all this random stuff that they were throwing in to create conflict. In the end I was a bit frustrated with the show, but I like a lot of what it was doing and I hope that we'll get more shows like this that focus on adult characters.

Ben

I just learned some fun trivia while doing some research. 

Shan

Oh? 

Ben

NiNi, the screenwriter of Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka is also the screenwriter on Three Star Bar in Nishi Ogikubo.

NiNi

The DNA is there. I could see it.

Ben

This is also one of the same directors who was on Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun.

NiNi

We shall not speak of it, bestie.

Shan

Don't bring them back into this. [laughs]

Ben

Ginny, of all the shows we're going to talk about tonight, you had, I think, the strongest connection to these particular characters, and I really want to hear your thoughts on them.

Ginny

While I agree that narratively the show did not hold together as strongly as it could, in every scene they were written well, they were acted well, they were consistent, they were who they were. And that, I think, was why I loved the show so much, as it played so well on a scene by scene level. Both of these are, in almost completely opposite superficial ways, men who struggle to advocate for what they want in life. Sakae is extremely a pushover. You see, as soon as his ex walks back into the scene, how difficult it is for him to say no and even earlier, as he and Soga are getting to know each other, it's very easy for him to fall into a rhythm of just doing whatever Sogo wants and enjoys and simply not advocating for himself or his interests at all. So he's this very kind of impulsively outspoken character. He keeps saying things that he doesn't mean to say, but when it comes to actually saying what he wants, he's slow to do that. 

On Soga’s side, he's very reserved, and kind of doesn't feel confident enough, I think, in his own desires to advocate for them. Even though he clearly likes and feels very drawn to Sakae, he takes so much of the show trying to figure out exactly what that means and waffling on what to do with that. I really like seeing two characters with the same fundamental issue that expresses itself in such different ways come together and try to build a relationship. 

My favorite part in the whole show is after they've started dating, they try to work out this conflict resolution system in such a characteristic way. Sakae knows Soga has been married before, so he says, “What was your ex-wife like? What was your relationship like?” Thinking in his head, “I'm going to become exactly like her, because clearly Soga liked her, so that will work out great and I foresee no problems with this.” And so Soga tells him about their conflict resolution style, which is not Sakae’s style at all, but they try it. They both kind of yes, and each other into doing something that's not gonna work for either of them and they try it for a while and then it falls apart and then they talk it out. 

It all felt so real to me as a person who struggles to express and sometimes even to know what I want. I've been in relationships on both sides where that's a major factor and they played it out so beautifully realistically, while still feeling very fun. The show always felt light, even when it was headed into kind of a difficult moment between them. It never let the mood sink too much. I loved seeing that dynamic play out between them and the ways that they tried to work towards each other and often worked harder at making the other person happy than making themselves happy and had to kind of figure out how to do both at the same time.

NiNi

I liked you describing it as them yes, and-ing each other, because that's exactly what that felt like. It felt very improv. I really enjoyed that scene a lot.

Ben

I really liked that we got to see a homo jock trying to date a culture person. That was so fuckin’ funny to me. We don't get to see fitness gays that often, and I had such a great time as a result.

NiNi

It was delightful, and it was more of that city mouse, country mouse thing that they were trying to do, it was so fun. I wish that they had leaned more into the differences between them, more than the external factors. 

Of the external factors, I really enjoyed the job one coming up and when it came up in the relationship, and the conflict that that posed. But I think that the ex-boyfriend thing was a bridge too far. I think it was important that we saw the ex-boyfriend to understand certain things about Sakae, but I don't think that they needed to drag that out into him trying to get Sakae back kind of thing.

Ben

I liked Mizuki as a character a lot and I liked them showing Sakae having an intimate, intense relationship with another person. I think on the pragmatic side, from talking about this as a drama, I'm more with Shan in that I don't know that this show set us up for the right expectations and that could be a cultural competency part on our part, because of the thing they were playing with, with the Osaka, Tokyo thing. But I was also hoping to spend more time with these guys as a functional couple perhaps than I think we got? I think it's fine for the show to do what they chose to do with their time, but I think I wanted something from the show it couldn't give us. I also got a little bit frustrated that there was way less food in the back half than there was in the front half because I signed up for a food show. 

But, they did give me a great baseball moment, so maybe it’s okay.

Shan

[laughs] They did have a really good baseball scene. I was just gonna yes, and you Ben about the food. The food was a strong presence in the first half of the show. And then it did just kind of disappeared. I wouldn’t really call this a food drama, in the end. 

I think one other piece that we kind of discussed live while we were watching that I do think is worth mentioning—not to single this show out, but to talk a little bit about a trend that exists, I think, across dramas—there was a quite a spicy sex scene between Sakae and Mizuki in this show. Far spicier than any scene we ended up getting for Sakae and Soga. Feels like a strange choice that they went to that heat level in a scene with his ex and then kept the heat so low on the current relationship. 

One of the reasons I don't like it when dramas do that is because it kind of sends a message that only toxic relationships have hot sex in them, and that when you find your right person when you're truly in love, sex is not that important, or it's not part of the dynamic. And I don't think that's a good message. It's not a sex positive message, certainly—and I don't know or think necessarily that the show intended to do that here—but, it is kind of the effect of that choice that a lot of dramas make to only show hot sex in the context of toxic or old relationships and keep the main couple of a show kind of quote unquote pure. That stuck out to me in this show and nothing that came after that scene hit anywhere close to that heat level. So it did kind of stand out as a weird choice to me.

Ginny

In terms of the general trend, I certainly agree. It is worth noting that that scene was specifically happening in Soga’s imagination, so it wasn't like, “This was how it was.” It's like, “This is how Soga is thinking about Sakae and his ex.” Which in the context of the story gives it a very different meaning. But I do certainly agree with what you're saying about the overall trend in media.

Shan

That's a good point, Ginny. It's a fair one to bring up. I do think, though, if the show is willing to go to that heat level, why are they not willing to go there with the main couple?

NiNi

And we do know that they are having a hot time, because at the end when they make back up Soga’s like, “Look, we know we gotta fuck, okay? So let's just get this relationship shit wrapped up before we do.” And I thought that was delightful.

Ginny

So good!

Shan

It was a very funny line, but it also kinda came out of nowhere, ‘cause we hadn't seen any sexual relationship for them. [laughs] 

Ginny

We saw some.

Ben

I get where Shan’s coming from, like, they confirmed that the guys are having sex and they deliver some of the prelude and the aftermath. But it stands out with what they showed with Mizuki. I think minus the Mizuki stuff, we probably don't feel that way.

NiNi

In general, I agree with Shan, yes, but I do agree with Ginny as well that this is really Soga’s imagination. Like really pushing up his fears and anxieties and all that stuff.

Ben

I at least got to make a joke about the need for a robust public transport system [Shan and Ginny laugh], because it's what allows them to be compromised in the end of this. I’m like, “You see that? Robust, fast, frequent high speed rail is the only reason that these gays made it.”

NiNi

Public transport is for the gays, that's the new slogan. 

So, ratings, how are we rating this one? Ginny, how about you? What do you think?

Ginny

I gave this one also an 8.5 from the opposite direction of Perfect Propose. I think execution wise it deserves a bit lower, but I enjoyed it so much that I bumped us up to 8.5.

Ben

Shandler?

Shan

I gave it a 7.5 because the execution issues really really bothered me. I think ultimately I really wanted to love it and I was disappointed that I didn't.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

I liked all the Osaka stuff. I liked how homey they made Osaka feel. I liked the female coworker who, having been pushed back, decided to become a full on supporter and get these two guys together. I gave it an 8. I had a good time with it. I think it was well done. I could have done without most of the Mizuki arc, but, I enjoyed it.

Ben

I did like Kanda a lot too, and his friend Kanada [Kaname]? Oh man, I really like the friend support group, but this show didn't come together fully for me. I struggle to really talk about it and give a clear recommendation for it, so it's a 7.5 for me. 

Which averages out to a 7.89ish. We'll give it an 8. I think that's fair.

NiNi

I think it's fine for it to get an 8 from The Conversation.

Ben

We liked it. Even though it was not exactly what I think any of us was wanting.

01:04:44 - I Want To See Only You

NiNi

Next up, we're gonna talk the latest entry, actually: I Want to See Only You. 

Ben, what is I Want to See Only You about?

Ben

It is about how we all really, really loved Kura Yuki in [laughs] His: I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love, and we needed another show with him.

Shan

Oh, man, you're struggling. You can't even deliver the joke, sir, [laughs] ‘cause it's so ridiculous.

[Ben laughs]

Ben’s just trying to score a point off me right now, but it's not working. [laughs]

Ben

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai, aka I Want to See Only You, is a four episode Japanese BL, partially funded by Hulu—that was kind of interesting—in which two boys in high school go through a friends-to-lovers arc. One of them has been nursing a crush for a long time on his friend, and confesses to his friend, and they deal with the complications that ensue from that in a way that I thought was really gentle and wholesome. This was a very short story, but I enjoyed it a lot. 

Because it's not that complicated! They've been childhood friends. One of them reveals that he has stronger feelings than just friendship, and the other guy just begins to process that, and we get this really interesting dynamic where they're figuring out what the changes to their relationship are going to be. There's not any real complicating drama here. It's really just about these guys sorting their shit out.

Shan

Yeah, I mean, this show is just uncomplicated. It is heartwarming. It is cute as fuck. It is two nice boys being kind to each other while they navigate a change in their relationship. It's really as simple as that. Sakura confesses to Yuma. Yuma processes the confession. They have a lovely kiss around the fire pit. It's so straightforward and I loved it. It was just nice to watch something that is gentle and kind and lovely, and that's what it is. 

I really like this show. I think it's a great serotonin hit—a quick one. And definitely recommend folks watch it.

Ben

Ginny and Nini, did you have time to watch this show?

Ginny

I did not even know it existed until I saw it on the show notes and I was like, “What's that? Oh, well, I'm already doing another show as my homework.”

NiNi

I watched it. It was very short, very sweet. I came away just with the feeling of having really enjoyed watching something, like being wrapped in a nice warm blanket. Watching these two soft boys have a soft time and then all the kooky characters around them. This is one of the things about this kind of Japanese drama that I enjoy, which is all the kooky side characters. 

So you've got the two teachers, you've got the girl who has the crush on—I can't remember which boy she has a crush on—and then the boy who has the crush on her. It's so fun. It's so delightful. The teachers are the second best part of the show. I love the teachers so much. 

It's just fun. It's sweet. It doesn't require a lot of you. It's very wholesome. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Ben

I was being really goofy at the beginning of this, but I like Kura Yuki a lot and I'm really glad we got to see him in BL again. I thought he was really good in the His prequel, and I really enjoy getting to see him again.

NiNi

He has really sad eyes, which I actually really enjoyed.

Shan

Yeah, he has a really emotive face, I think. I'm excited to see him keep doing more shows.

Ben

There's really not that much more to say. This is a really quick, really gentle show. If you need a really good mood boost, I recommend it. 

Ratings! Shan?

Shan

I gave this a 9. It is straightforward. It is sweet. It's an easy watch. Highly recommended.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

I also give it a 9. It's incredibly straightforward and cute. I enjoyed it. I like that they couldn't quite figure out how to shift their relationship from friends to boyfriends. They were dating and they're like, “Should we be doing, like, other stuff?” But they were just doing the same stuff that they had always done. I found that delightful.

Ben

I gave it a 9.5 for the terrible pasta they made. [Shan and NiNi laugh]

Shan

We forgot to talk about the pasta!

NiNi

The pasta was so bad.

Shan

[still laughing] Those boys really went outside and picked some tomatoes and just tossed them fully, without any chopping, into a pan and stirred them around a lil bit and put them on top of some fucking limp noodles and called that spaghetti.

Ben

Zero notes. [laughs]

NiNi

The pasta was still semi-crunchy. It was delightful. It was so high school. It was the most high school thing I've ever seen.

Shan

[still laughing] Raw tomatoes and, like, unseasoned noodles? Amazing.

Ben

I really loved it. For your context Ginny, this is when the boys are trying to figure out the shift in their relationship and they make a list of things they wanna do together. Making pasta with the tomatoes they were growing in the school garden was one of those things. And I thought that was a really lovely idea and super romantic. And then because they're a bunch of high school boys who barely know how to cook, they fucked it up badly. But they had a good time together. It was great.

Shan

It was so good. 

Ginny

Incredible.

NiNi

Seriously, Ginny, it's a short watch. It's an easy watch. If you're ever in the mood for something to just lift your mood, I suggest watching it.

Ben

So it gets a 9 from The Conversation. It's worth your time. Please go watch it.

01:10:55 - I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama

NiNi 

On to the main event, which Ben has literally been waiting to talk about since we recorded the winter series. We're finally going to talk about I Became the Main Role [of] a BL Drama. Ben, you've been basically building up to this moment. Go right ahead. 

Ben 

I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama is about how these two boys will drown the audience in the BL goodness. [Shan laughs]

NiNi

Oh God.

Ben

It is a BL about making a BL, which is a lot of fun. No shade against Thailand in this, but when they do self-critical BL it's not always the most fun experience because there's a lot of real grievances the people making it need to air—and I completely respect that. But it also can be kind of a downer. When Japan makes fun of BL, they end up seeming to have more fun poking at the nature of the genre and delivering on the comedic beats without it just feeling like a bitch session. 

So, in this particular show, we have Aoyanagi Hajime, who is a former child actor who was struggling a bit with his career and trying to figure out how to move forward, and he gets an opportunity to be one of the leads in a BL production against a up-and-coming idol, Akafuji Yuichiro. They are working on a workplace BL and we're mostly on the set of them filming this show. We don't get to see the show itself. I really wish we would get to see the show they made, it looks great. 

They're starting to work on the show, and the two guys do not seem to have much chemistry. The reason we learn is because Yuichiro is actually an Aoyanagi Hajime stan, who is internally freaking out the whole time because he's this close to his idol. And they suggest the two guys live together to build up their chemistry. Their relationship gets complicated as they start to develop something between each other, and this complicates their relationship on set as well. But we mostly spend that time unpacking Aoyanagi’s confidence issues. 

This was my favorite show. Before I just start gushing about how beautiful I find Akutsu Nichika, Ginny, thoughts on the show?

Ginny 

I love this show so much. Just hearing you talk about it, I was feeling little bubbles of delight remembering all of the different scenes and moments and setups. It was just exquisite. It was so fun and so funny. Very comic, but also felt true to these people as people. Love seeing the cheeky BL commentary. Love seeing Abe Alan play this cool, up-and-coming popular idol, who is just smitten with this kind of no-name, famous-for-one-ad guy and just is flailing around, having to try to act BL. 

One of the best moments any BL drama will ever give us is him asking Hajime to record that one kinda bitchy line he says for fap material. [Ben and Shan laugh] God, that's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me personally. 

Ben 

We will not do that scene justice describing it because it's not just about the dialogue of the scenario. It is staged really well. The blocking is a huge part of the joke in that one, because of what other people know or don't know in the background. It's really a great sequence of the show. 

NiNi 

I loved all of the blocking in that show, all of the stage direction, all the stuff that's happening in the background of all the scenes when they're on set is hilarious. Japanese shows will always reward you for paying attention to what's happening in the background of a scene. And this show, in particular, the background of every scene, is just phenomenal. It is delightful. 

Ben 

We cruised into the new year watching this show. 

Shan 

It was both the last show of 2023 and the first show of 2024 for us. 

Ben 

This show ended, I was like, “We've already decided the winner [laughs] for ‘24. Everybody, pack it up.” 

Shan 

I love this show. It's a great example of a super high velocity comedy where it's just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke coming at you from all sides in every moment of the show, not just through the dialogue, but through the scenery, through the blocking, through the things that other characters are doing just out of the frame. This thing is just packed, packed, packed with jokes, and so every time you watch it, you will see new stuff that you missed last time. There are so many gags in this, it's just so well done. The command you have to have to deliver comedy in that way with this extremely zippy pacing, in that super-packed content to shove it all into this three hour package. It's just so impressive. It's the kind of precision that most productions can only aspire to. 

There was such good visual jokes in this. The reveal that Akafuji had been wearing a fan T-shirt [laughs] underneath his clothes in scenes. There was a fantastic scene with a leg kabedon. 

Ben 

Hold on, this is fun. Let's go around the group with a gag that we remember until we run out. Shan gave two. NiNi?

NiNi 

I mean, I feel like the leg kabedon was a moment, because when I finally watched the show, I literally said, “Did he just do a kabedon with his leg?” and I was instructed [Ginny and Shan laugh] in the ways of Japanese media in that moment. 

Shan 

Sure did! 

Ben 

Ginny? 

Ginny 

Him running after Hajime carrying his Hajime standee. 

Ben 

After he had previously used it as a shield. [laughs]

Ginny 

Yeah. 

Ben 

One of the gags I enjoyed was all Aoyangi mentioning he was called a bad kisser by his ex, and Akafuji just checks out for that moment, like he's not even listening to the rest of the conversation. He just keeps repeating “moto kono,” referring to the ex-girlfriend over and over again because he's spiraling over it. I enjoyed that one a lot. 

[all laugh]

NiNi 

Speaking of spiraling! Him fighting with the showerhead. 

Shan

[Ginny and NiNi laugh] Oh my God! The showerhead! I still don’t understand what he was doing in that scene, but it was so funny. 

Ben 

It represents his sexual desire almost being out of control. 

Shan 

Oh, I got that part. [laughs] I just don't understand what the character was doing. 

[Ginny laughs]

Ben 

Struggling. 

NiNi 

When he nearly kissed Aoyanagi, then he went outside and basically hung over the balcony railing [laughs]. Just had a meltdown just from being close enough to almost kiss him. 

Ben 

The spinning scene on the steps where I was like, “He's gonna kill that boy.” [Ginny laughs]

Shan 

Yes! When they were like, twirling each other around on a concrete stairway. [Ben laughs] 

There were so many good supporting characters in this, too. I really liked the initial pitch scene with the producers who are describing the vision for the show.

Ben 

That was fucking fantastic.

NiNi

Oh my God!

Shan

The level of intensity that they were bringing to their description of this super fucking basic office BL. [laughs]

Ben

Our follow[ers] did not understand the way I lost my shit over this show after the first episode. From the “I will drown the audience in the BL goodness” scene, I was like, “This is it, y'all. This is the show.” 

Shan 

This is the one. 

Ben

“Everyone else can go. I'm done. I found what I needed.”

NiNi 

So funny, and literally every time she was on screen, whether it was foreground or background, she was killin’ it. I loved her. 

Shan 

Every performer in this show was so dialed in at all times, whether they were the focus of a scene or not, they were always doing something important and funny in the background. There was also, of course, the great runner with the managers— 

Ginny 

The managers! 

Shan

—who were carrying on a secret romance. 

Ben 

We saw them interacting like, “Are they exes? Are they together? What's goin’ on?”

Shan 

It was clear somethin’ was going on there from the start. 

Ben 

They know each other, that's for sure. 

Ginny 

Mmhmm.

NiNi 

They definitely know each other. 

Ginny 

They know each other. 

Shan 

They know each other. I was very surprised by the spicy reveal we got [laughs] about their relationship. 

NiNi 

It was kind of spicy, wasn't it? There was choking involved. 

Shan 

And then also Ryoga, who was brought in to be a co-star in the show. He was, like, a very well known actor/influencer, I think? 

Ben 

He was a member of a boy band and they were bringing him in for additional crossover appeal. ‘Cause his strong point was his arrogance. [Ginny and Ben laugh] He walks in the room and they're like throwing fucking feathers for him. And then he starts helping them pick it up. “Thanks for throwing the feathers, guys.” [all laugh]

Shan 

This drama! Three episodes, it had a small cast, but it did so much with what it had. 

Ben 

We were only with this show for two hours, but boy was that a great time. 

NiNi 

It was so much fun. The producer, the look on her face in the background when the two of them were flirting on set and she caught them? [Shan laughs] Her face was slowly lighting up. [laughs] 

Ben 

She's like— 

Shan

So happy. 

Ben

—”Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.” [all laugh] 

I love the manager glaring at his own fucking ward. He's like, “Can you read that line again for me?” and he glares at him. [Ben and Ginny laugh]

Shan 

Oh man. 

Ben 

In terms of the BL commentary, that was fun. There's the whole ramp up of you get selected for a role, you don't really know your costar, there's the reading of the material. 

One of the things I really enjoyed with this is that they delved into Aoyanagi really struggling with the fact that he was unable to build rapport with his co-star right away. I like actors getting to play actors and stuff. When Aoyanagi was acting as his character, he was actually really good and was really dialed in. It was really cool how quickly he could go in and out of character. I really liked them showing that he's actually good, but he's in his own head about it because he's really sensitive to commentary from fans, and they reinforce how fan behavior has really potentially negative impacts on actors and entertainers with Kuromiya. He gets cornered by a really aggressive fan, and has to be saved by Aoyanagi in that moment. 

I actually liked the moment with Tendo, the female supporting character on their cast, when Aoyanagi’s trying to talk to her about what's going on with Akafuji and he's speaking about it hypothetically, and she's like, “If your co-star is trying to make out with you off set, that's not good.”

Shan

Mmhmm.

Ben

“That's extremely bad.” And he's like, “Wait, but this is a BL story, we're gonna just ride it out for this.” But she's like, “Mmm, no.” 

Shan 

Aside from how very fucking funny this is, it had some really good messages. The most important thing this show did for me was make it super clear that, in order for the two of them to have a real relationship and have a romance, Akafuji had to let go of being Aoyanagi’s fan. You can't idolize and worship a person if you want a relationship with them. You have to process them as a human being, a full human being, and see them fully for who they are, and not keep them on this fannish pedestal. I really like that the show was clear about that. Being a fan, being a stan of somebody, is not the same thing as loving them. 

Ben 

It was really surprising as well that the show allowed there to be the commentary about the network, late in production, interfering—getting cold feet about something. The guys had a lot of consternation about whether or not they'd be able to deliver a proper kiss for the intimacy, and then the powers that be pulled the kiss, and you get the sense immediately from the producers that that wasn't their choice, that people with money above them made that decision and they had to just deliver the party line and just accept it. 

Shan 

That probably brings us to our one real criticism of this show, yeah? 

Ben 

The reason why the show did not get a 10. [laughs] 

Shan 

Damn it, we wanted it to get a 10! 

Ben 

I get what they were going for. They reserved that moment for them. But I'm looking at you TV Asahi. 

Shan 

Because, they did not deliver a kiss.  

Ben 

They didn't. 

Shan

They did not deliver a kiss in this show. [laughs]

Ben

It’s the only knock.

Shan 

They teased a kiss continuously. They showed them about to kiss multiple times before cutting the camera away. 

Ben 

We got sad kissing in episode 2. 

Shan 

They implied that they might have been kissing as practice off camera, that we didn't see. And then they ended the show—similarly to Cherry Magic—with the camera zooming in on them, about to kiss, and then a cut to black. It was unsatisfying all around. 

It's the one real ding on the show. The first time they did the fake out, we were like, “Oh no, show. Please don't do this. We want to love you unreservedly. Please just deliver the kiss.”

Ben 

That's the real sadness of our two grab bags. We did not get a NiNi “I love this unreservedly” and we talked about like 10 shows. [Ben and Shan laugh]

NiNi 

Everything's got a little ding to it right now, but we'll get that again, I believe. 

Ben 

[laughs] But genuinely I love this. I really like that for the little time we spent with them, all the characters felt really human to me in a way that was really accessible. And even though they were mostly broad strokes in all of these characters, I got a lot out of it. It was really, truly one of my favorite BL experiences I've had in a long time. 

NiNi 

I'm gonna give it a 9.75. 

Ben 

Oh, my God, here she goes. 

Shan 

[laughs] She’s cheating! That’s just cheating— 

Ginny

Cheating!

Shan 

—so you can be the most generous.

NiNi 

It's not cheating. It is producer privilege. Get it right. [Ginny and Shan laugh]

Ben 

Ginny? 

Ginny 

I gave it a 9.5. Would have been a 10 if they'd given us the kiss, but a truly delightful and worthwhile show. 

Shan 

Same. 9.5 for same reason. 

Ben 

I gave it a 9.5 for the same thing. It's a 9.5 from The Conversation. 

Shan 

But let the record state that NiNi is the most generous. [laughs]

Ben 

Truly, we love this. This is one of our favorites. Go watch it right now. 

Ginny 

I have to rewatch it ‘cause I don't even remember my favorite gags. 

Ben 

Exactly. You gotta go watch again and get your gags back. 

01:26:16 - Outro

NiNi

And with that, we have come to the end of our Japanese Grab Bag. So, what are we thinking about Japanese BL having just run down six of them in a row? Ginny, you go first.

Ginny

Last time I answered this question I was kind of feeling like Japanese BL can do no wrong, and now I feel like, well it can, and has. There have been several less than perfect shows. Still feeling very positive overall. Loving so far—knock wood—some of what's currently airing. 

The beautiful density of storytelling that Japanese BL tends to deliver in such a short time, it almost never feels hollow or incomplete. It feels very rich and detailed, and I continue to love and appreciate that.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I am just living right now. What a time to be alive. Japanese BL coming at us, all the time, consistently. It didn't used to be like this. We used to go long stretches with nothing coming out from Japan. No clue what was gonna come next. And now it’s like, we've got these consistently airing shows, we've got shows that are showing up as a surprise alongside that. I think at one point we had six different Japanese QLs airing simultaneously. That's just an unheard of bounty of Japanese QL content, and I am so happy about it. I hope it continues. 

With volume, of course, comes some shows that are not gonna hit as well as the cream of the crop, but I still love the experience of watching all of them, I love getting to dig into this much Japanese content. I'm just so happy and I hope it continues.

Ben

I can't believe we got to talk about nine Japanese projects in a single season of this show. That's ridiculous.

Shan

Wow, right?

Ben

I am having a great time, and I'm actually glad some of these shows were flops or duds. As much as I really like Japanese BL, I'm glad that there was a show that I got to genuinely hate in this run [laughs] so that NiNi could see that I'm capable of hating a Japanese project with my whole heart.

NiNi

I did actually need to see that. That is true.

Ben

I'm havin’ a great time. It's really refreshing that so many different networks were involved. We had shows from about five or six different networks, and even if it feels like we're getting a slowdown in spring, I am very glad that we have more projects on the way. There's at least two more Japanese projects on the horizon, so. I'm in a really good place.

NiNi

There's some stuff in there, I think, that we're going to talk about in the Lagniappe about where things seem to be going next season, but for now, that's going to be it from us. 

We out. Say bye to the people, everybody, this time in actual chorus: 1, 2, 3.

Ben

Peace.

Shan

Bye.

Ginny

Bye!

NiNi

Oh my God. Y'all are terrible at this. 

[Ginny and Shan laugh]

[cloveroctobers]

TURN THE TV ON — RICHIE JERIMOVICH [Summer Writings]

A/N: Continuing the relationship between Richie x oc (Freya) from a previous summer prompt here. This season ofc was a lot (when is it not?) although many felt like it was missing something I think that was the point of the season to be frustratingly lost or stuck because it’s about subtracting like Carmy said. The removal of a already built foundation to get to the potential of greatness. At what cost though? We’re seeing it.

I can say it’s not my favorite season but I’ve picked up on what I think they’re trying to do and we all know “Napkins” + “Ice Chips” were the best of this season—some might disagree with ice chips and wanted that wrapped up in five minutes but it’s significant to explore Nat’s struggle with motherhood and her as a character. Everything is always in glimpses with the Berzatto’s upbringing. Nat’s part of the bear as well, physically and figuratively—more than ever now. Anyways you didn’t see this with the intent of a mini analysis thrown in but that’s just my two cents! I also enjoyed seeing richie bond with Eva 🥹, Nat and Syd. I expected the fallout with him and Carm though, Carmen’s really showing his ass!!! :/

WARNINGS: language, falling into a slump, blocking out emotions, a mention of Palestine, mentions of c*ncer & a mention of an intimate moment between the two characters.

*GIF BELONGS TO: @sharpesjoy !

<- read my previous anthology piece here.

⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧

Freya doesn’t blink twice when Richie latches onto her elbow, gaining her attention in her kitchen. His voice is muffled as she slightly turns her head to him, watching his mouth move but not picking up on the words just yet.

She keeps her gaze on Richie as he reaches over her to turn the knob to the stove off. When Freya brings her gaze back to the burnt paper in the frying pan, she realizes what she’s been up to for however long she’s been standing in front of the stove.

“Frey,” Richie coughs, fanning the air some, then letting his hand slip to the middle of her back, “what’s going on?”

Her eyes have been dry for the past few weeks, that over the counter drops did not do her any justice and she couldn’t see a doctor since her insurance through her lackluster job was now over. However after finally hearing Richie’s voice and blinking, it feels like a storm is coming behind those dark eyes.

In due time but not today.

“Your uh, friend? Bahja I think? Reached out to me, said she hasn’t heard from you in a couple of days.” Richie continues while the woman breathes, dragging her eyes away from the pan to turn back to the table in the center of the kitchen.

Richie watches her, as she almost springs back into action, rearranging the placement mats on the table, the utensils, and center decor piece before pushing the maple chairs in as if they weren’t in as a far as they could go.

“Freya!” Richie snaps, making the woman sharply lift her eyes to his face, he was never one for patience and seeing her like this felt like a distant reminder of when they first met, “what is it?”

Freya scoffs out some laughter, folding her arms and placing her clef chin into her shoulder while trying to find the words, “…where do you want me to start?”

He leans back against the counter, clasping his hands in front of him, “start with you serving paper for dinner?”

“Those are letters from Jayden.” She informs before pulling her bottom lip in while Richie widens his eyes, “he’s got cancer and he doesn’t have much longer according to his doctors. He put me on the list, tells me he’s never taken me off. A invitation to see my abuser, before they deport him back to Portugal to finish out his last months of life. Isn’t that lovely?”

Richie lets that soak in.

He didn’t know what this poor excuse piece of shit of a person was thinking honestly. Jayden had a lot of nerve and Richie was tempted to take a visit himself. Richie can tell that it was taking a toll on his friend. She doesn’t appear as if she’s been sleeping, her usual wing lined eyes were not in motion, bare and skin rimmed red and he’s been so caught up in his own shit that he couldn’t remember the last time she’s even responded to anything he’s sent her way. He just assumed Freya was busy but she was the kind of person who didn’t just disappear, not when they just got back on track after richie was too much in his head about where they took their friendship.

He still remembered what her moans sounded like and he knows he has no business thinking about it, alright!

Not when she was the person he told what Carmy said to him instead of keeping it to himself. He went into detail with Freya and just dropped crumbs in the group chat.

Not when she’s met Tiffany and Frank.

And especially not when Tiffany gave her stamp of approval, although Richie didn’t ask for it or expect Tiffany to show up after Freya was dropping something off to his apartment.

After losing Michael, Richie vowed to pay more attention his friends.

“Mum’s not talking to me again since she’s not getting any more funds from me, talked my sibs out of coming here to spend Amina’s birthday with me, and I got fired thanks to my views on Palestine and participating in protests.” Freya informed the taller blue eyed man.

He rubs his own face in frustration with her, “well, fuck. Why? Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner instead of me dumping all my shit with pacifier wearing Carmy on you?”

“It’s not your problem.” Freya shrugged and it’s not like Richie went into a whole turmoil about what happened that night either. It was so clear he was angry, hurt, and even being passive-aggressive about the situation.

So she left her shoulder open, as always.

Richie furrows his brows at that, pushing off the counter, “are you kidding me?! Don’t say that shit to me, okay? Anything that involves you is my problem, you’re important too Frey.”

Freya gives a small smile, feeling the weight of emotions being worn on her face then and if she had any more tears left to cry she would. She’s a sniffing mess and would blame it on sinuses if she was out in public, digging her knuckles into her burning eyes with no tears; to save those feelings for when she’s alone.

Richie’s rubbing and squeezing at her shoulders while Freya is taking that moment to herself. She ends up staring at the brash man asking, “so uh, tell me about Ever. Sorry about bailing by the way.”

He asked her to come with him two days before the funeral, she didn’t pick up his call so he knew a text would do, figuring she was at work and not going back and forth with HR over wrongful termination.

“After everything that you’ve been keeping to yourself? I don’t blame you, kid.” Richie responds while Freya lets out a humorless laugh, “enough about me…what are you going to do?”

Freya lifts her shoulders as she glanced to her left where her living room sits, “what I’ve been doing…taking time to figure it out. People take all the time so I guess now it’s my turn.”

Richie feels like he should know what this means, wondering if this will lead to a sense of better direction for his friend or worse. She’s always been soft hearted and that certainly wasn’t a bad thing but she felt closed off right now—almost cold and Richie began to wonder if he should have checked in earlier.

“Stop that,” she snaps her fingers at Richie seeing the guilt in his eyes, “I’m responsible for my own life. I’ll get through this whenever the time is right…just have to feel it for a bit, ‘tis all.”

Leaning forward, she tucks her head underneath Richie’s chin and he doesn’t hesitate to move his hands to lock against her lower back, resting his cheek right on top her now chopped dark hair. The embrace feels nice, right and says that no matter what jar of emotions spilled, they still had each other.

Freya deeply exhaled, eyes closed as she numbs it all out, almost sinking into Richie’s frame as if she’s ready to clock out of the world for at least a few hours instead of feeling it melt away from her. Pulling back she fixes the scarf on her head and heads over to her couch, tucking a leg underneath her before gazing at the black tv and not liking the smidge of a reflection of herself on the black screen, she reaches for the remote and turns the tv on.

Her eyes are in front of her but uses her free hand to pat the cushions for Richie to join her.

He’s in dark attire: a black t-shirt and a gold chain with dark blue washed jeans but as good as Freya knew the older man, he probably kept an extra black blazer in his car somewhere. The suits and blazers were a good look on Richie, gave him a sense of purpose and professionalism—never snobby—while still holding a welcoming nature in his bright blue hues and gestures to strangers.

Freya was no stranger.

It’s the same when he plops down beside her though with a groan, lanky long limbs stretched out in front of him as he folds his hands on top of his growing hair. He also turns to the tv, watching as Freya loads some app to play a movie.

Richie reads the title of choice out loud, “The Umbrellas of Cherbourg…is this one of those sappy musical movies you’re into?”

“Are you judging me Richard Lawrence? Do I grill you when go into your deep dives of Sci-Fi?” Freya points the remote at Richie, with slits in her eyes, making Richie raise his hands in surrender.

“Damn, I can’t ask questions, Freya Freyay Mazari?” He says in a mocking tone, throwing a nickname in place of if she had a middle name would be while Freya rolls her eyes, shuffling over to toss a pillow in his lap before laying her head there.

Richie shakes his head at the woman before bringing his attention back to the screen. The open credits are filled with the sound of flutes and the sunset over a water town, followed by a shot of cobblestone, people walking and the vibrant shades of umbrellas popping open as rain pattered over their heads.

“…Tiff says I should bring you to the wedding.” Richie interrupts as the credits drag on.

Freya curls her feet up and nuzzles her face against her folded hands she’s laying against, “yeah? The one you still won’t RSVP to?”

Richie scoffs, “I’m gonna!”

“When? It’s in September.”

“…how do you know that?” There’s a scowl on the bearded man’s face.

“Oh Tiffany and I are tight.” The British woman tells, “Ever since we first met back at your flat, accidentally. Apparently her and Frank sent me requests on Facebook not too long ago but I wasn’t sure if Frank was thee Frank you referred to and I really didn’t expect him to look like that so I accepted Tiffany’s first before getting confirmation.” Freya rants while richie pinched at the space in between his brows.

Frank’s request was still pending on Richie’s account and Frank never brought it up when they were face to face. It’s not like Richie would lie if the guy ever did bring it up. He personally had enough of Frank whenever he saw Tiffany’s profile picture when she commented on whatever post Richie decided to share to his two-hundred and six “friends.” Frank was kissing her cheek, her hand holding onto his shoulder, oval rock on her finger was shining as she gently smiled at the camera.

Tiffany deserved happiness, this Richie knew, he was just numbing it down until the feeling was gone.

“I’ll RSVP if you agree to be my plus one, you fucking crumpet.” Richie lifts his hips, making Freya complain now that he was ruining her comfortability, only for a second as he pulled out his phone.

Freya debates, “now I dunno if I want to when you just insulted me.”

“What?” Richie unlocks his phone, “crumpet is a cute nickname! A loving term of endearment! You won’t teach me any Arabic anyway so that’s your fault.”

Freya just hums as she tries to focus on the tv.

It’s gone quiet besides the clacking from Richie’s phone as he goes through his texts, trying to find the old link Tiffany sent him. The tv continues playing its dream-like music and Freya even starts to feel her eyes close until Richie grabs her hip, pulling so that she can see the invitation right in front of her face.

“You’ll go with me?” His eyes quickly go from her lips then to her own eyes.

And she looks into his eyes, knowing that it’s genuine, that he wants her there beside him, needs her there with him. Freya knows the man isn’t too proud to beg and they never pity each other.

“Go on and save the date then, yeah? So I can get back to my movie.” She teases with a wave of her hand, the faded henna on her fingers were still noticeable and pretty. She tucks that same hand underneath her face again, turning back to the screen.

Richie deeply exhaled, tossing his phone to the side after tapping on the screen to lock in his new spot—officially being a ex-husband—as he lets this action finally sink in. He was going to watch his ex-wife love someone else for however many years the creator upstairs allowed.

Yet he wouldn’t feel as alone this time.

He pinches Freya’s cheeks together, her complaints were ignored as he pressed a lingering scratchy kiss to her cheek, “thank you, Kochanie. There is that better?”

Usually part of Richie’s native tongue was only reserved for his baby girl, Eva. Most of the time insults were his way of showing his love and Freya was no different, regardless of how sensitive she often was.

Freya uses the sleeve of her beige zip up hoodie to wipe some of the saliva off her cheek, “I guess? No need to thank me, that’s what mates are for, babe.”

Mates.

Something Richie wanted because he knew he wasn’t over Tiffany and knew he wasn’t when his mouth went to work on Freya’s lower region back during that freezing winter. However he was positive that Tiffany wasn’t in his head when they did that they did. The pair came to an understanding back in July and leaving each other alone wasn’t the answer.

He also knew what Freya deserved but he’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t be crushed if she hit him up one day to tell him that she found someone else too.

So he lets one hand rest on her hip, absentmindedly caressing the bone while flicking his attention to the tv.

Until the feeling is gone.

If ever.

⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧⋆𖧧

Continue with my summer anthology writings & prompts here.