#If u dm me im not anwsering

[public-obscenities]

intro post I guess.

18+ blog, minors dni.

my weird little fetish blog <3 ya. only using this to ramble about what makes me hard, talk abt eroge, and may post some nsfw art. ya. strangers scare me so I'm just gonna post and reblog, not anwser dms or asks. but incase I change my mind u kno what I am

name: jude

age: 18

pronouns: it/that thing. or she/he if I'm feeling like a person. (or neos if u really want me salivating)

uhhh I guess I'm best described as some sort of fagdyke girlboy boygirlthing (tme). im aroaspec but lust after anything with a pulse for the hell of it. anddd im wasian if that really matters.

I'll try my best to tag things for organization and appearance, not for reach or filtering. proceed at ur own risk. (heads up, expect a LOT of r@peplay. everything on this account is purely fantasy.)

anyway no strict dni besides no minors/ageless and no cis men preferably? like I said I don't expect to interact with anyone on here besides via reblogs but eh.

personal tags ;

'jude musing' for original stuff

'erotext' for classic horny text posts

I'll add more as needed...

[jordynbreeloa777]

hi, can you tell me what exactly happens if our ego dissolves? I read in an loa guide that ego dissolution can be mentally tough to handle because your life flips 180 and you realize that nothing really matters so u stop desiring and stuff.

Also someone said that when they went through ego dissolution, happiness just wouldn't last for them. As in the things that used to make them happy don't anymore and it's kinda upsetting.

So I was meditating and at one point in it I just felt like pure consciousness and tears fell from my eyes and also for the next couple of hours I was weirdly referring to myself in third person. And that really scared me a lot because I don’t want to completely detach from the materialistic things and turn into a saint (no problem in that but its just not me) so I'm kinda scared idk what to do.

Hey anon! Also as I was reading this i immediately had to stop to think because what even is that..? That’s literally the BIGGEST, dumbest limiting belief ever. That’s almost ideal to the limiting belief some people use to have that “in order to manifest you have to high vibrations, or you have to give back to the universe in order to get what you want.” Please, please don’t fall into that.

With that being said, I don’t know what ego dissolution is but it doesn’t and shouldn’t exist in your reality if you’re in control! I hope that person finds help, therapy, or actually find out about the law!

You are perfectly okay for crying, and I don’t know why you may feel detached? Or if your scared from the lies people may have brainwashed in you by society. But please I always say this and will forever stick with this. You are in control, when the world starts to get to loud and you start to lose faith, take a deep breath, and take a deep breath, walk, anything that settles your mind. There is no reason to be scared! I understand why you are im not really sure about the third person thing, but just please take a break if needed! Also this is why self concept is soo important because if so, you would know nothing can break you, you are firm in your beliefs because failure doesn’t exist in your reality that’s not an option around here. We aren’t victims!! I’m about to teleport through the screen and WIPE DEM TEARS GIRL STAND UP!! 😭 I hope I answered this as well as possible if not you can dm/inbox/ask me to go more in depth! (Also sorry for the delay I have a lot of asks and I try to Anwser all of them💓) Happy Manifesting!💝

[haemosexuality]

not gonna bother to translatw bc fuck it, its just me venting and nobody wants to read that anyway

Eu preciso de alguém pra conversar

E com conversar eu quero dizer "postar coisas no tumblr e a pessoa me responder falando q vai ficar td bem sabendo q eu n vou responder ela pq Eu Não Sei Falar Com Pessoas"

Tantas coisas que me prendem

Trapped inside this hell that holds me

Pq sempre que alguma pessoa acaba sendo considerada minha amiga eu fico dependente dela e no final das contas ela me Decepciona ou Para De Falar Cmg Sem Explicação ou Eu Estrago Td e enquanto eu fico uma bagunça ansiosa pensando nela o dia todo em todos os momentos ela fica de boas e nem se importa?

Denovo isso, sempre assim

Trapped inside this hell that holds me

Cansada desses sentimentos familiares que me perseguem desde 2016 num ciclo e nunca me deixam em paz

Confusão, ansiedade, tristeza, dependecia, ansiedade, amizade, eu fiz merda, a pessoa fez merda, eu não sou boa pra ngm, nunca vou ter um amigo de vdd, eu to sozinha

Começou em 2015

Passei por isso em 2016

Passei por isso em 2017

Passei por isso em 2018

Passei por isso em 2019

Eu nunca vou me livrar?

Trapped inside this hell that holds me

Putz, os anos nunca mais vão ser bons, né?

2015 foi o começo do inferno

2016 o Pior Ano da Minha Vida

2017 foi Lidando com as consequencias do pior ano+muitas coisas que o fazem o pior ano também

2018 começei com a atitude de "agr vai", não foi, foi pior, mas todos conseguem ser pior eu nem sei mais

2019 tbm ta nessa de "antes foi pior mas esse é pior, todos conseguem ser o pior, e é sempre a mesma coisa, as mesmas coisas, ciclo, não muda, eu não mudo, só pioro"

Eu nunca vou conseguir sair?

Trapped inside this hell that holds me

Eu nunca vou conseguir aceitar meu corpo, né

Eu sempre to num estado de ou "meu corpo é nojento, eu sou feia, gorda, peluda, cheia de acne, feia, não gostosa, ngm pode me ver"

"Tenho que emagrecer, tenho que não ter pelo, tenho que tem uma cor melhor, tenho que ter um cabelo melhor, tenho que cortar essas coisas fora, arrancar minha pele, cortar minha barriga, cortar minha existencia corporea desse mundo e virar um espirito"

eu nunca vou me livrar?

Trapped inside this hell that holds me

Being a teen girl is just constantly being torn between "i want to look hot and sexual because thats what society has taught me its all im good for, also I have severe low self esteem and being seen as a sex object looks like it would be the cure again because of how society has taught me to sexualize myself. I want to be hot as fuck and 100% what society views as attractive" and "i want to look like a genderless blob, bodiless blob if you will, I dont want no one to ever see me in a sexual manner ever again and I want to run and hide everytime a grow man touchs me, looks at me, or exists near me. "

Also "im aware my natural body is disgusting to the male gaze and I want that because I dont want people to sexualize me but what makes my body disgusting is the fact that it doesn't look pre-pubescent (body hair, stretch marks, fat, cellulite) so that makes it a Mature body and therefore it is inheretely sexual but in a disgusting way"

Will I never escape?

Trapped inside this hell that holds me

Putz é julho

Oq significa que entrei no modo ansiedade constante meu deus o ano ja ta na metade final meu deus escola mais um ano passou meu deus a vida nao para ta mt rapido ela nao para e eu n fiz nada mais um ano merda minha vida nao melhora eu to presa e nada muda a rotina é a mesma nada muda e é mt rapido mais um ano vai passar e eu nao fiz nada e a vida nao para mais um ano vai passar eu vou crescer e a vida continua meu deus eu to crescendo meu deus meu deus mais um ano passou ta mt rapido a vida nao para meu deus meu deus

Os anos não podiam passar mais devagar? Isso nunca vai parar?

Trapped inside this hell that holds me

Queria poder ser psicologicamente capaz de falar com minha psicologa ao inves de chegar lá falar 3 palavras e travar enquanto grito tudo oq eu quero falar na minha cabeça e rezo pra sessão acabar logo

[midnightbot-archive]

𝕌𝕡𝕕𝕒𝕥𝕖 :

~

Siyeon arrives knocking on the front door of the small cottage." jeno you just wait outside the door, ill go in and speak with Lua. Keep the coast clear you never know whos lurking out here." she says as the coven leader anwsers the door greeting her with a hug " ah well hello siyeon dear, its lovely to see you, though it does worry me considering when you come around you or someone is in a bit of trouble... so tell me, is that so? why dont you come in?"

siyeon nods walking into the house following her to sit down " it's yunho again,... and i know you have no obligation, and it is his fault. but.." she pauses as Lua speaks " you are always cleaning up his messes my dear, and i love and care about you both, but you do know my loyalty can only extend so far, my own will always be of priority, you understand that. That being said what exactly do you need my love?"

she nods in agreeance understanding, before sighing " Lucifer took him, hes in the chambers again.., assumingly. We would just like you to at least do a locator spell from here... is that possible? Just a chance to also see where he is or what kind of state hes in. I will not ask you to open to portal for me to go. not yet.. we have Jeno." The leader hums with a nod " that i can do my dear, do you have something of his? " siyeon nods and reaches over into her bag." yes here, i brought his hairbrush i know by now that this works well for connection to perform the spell" she says with a small smile as Lua takes it leading her to her living room and alter, allowing Siyeon to take a seat on the couch as she prepares things on the table. Pulling some of the hair from out of the brush.

" Should i ask what he did this time? " she shakes her head more in slight frustration mixed with worry " He wasnt on his tasks for a week straight, he got caught. You dont want to know more... hes a dumbass, a whole week? he knew this would- " she cuts off sighing holding her face in her hands " idiot." she mumbles before looking up and watching as she finishes preparing it. The table set with a plate, candle and the hair wrapped around it, sitting right infront of a mirror.

" Now i will burn this, repeat the spell with my eyes closed, ill be able to explain where he is aswell as once i have the location, make it appear on the mirror for us both to see, we wont have but maybe a few seconds." Siyeon nods and gets up standing next to her. " Alright, im ready go ahead." she says, letting the witch get to work, watching as the flame rises, explaning where and what chamber he was in, writing down some notes on her phone to remember and show jeno. " jeno is outside he should see too, he'll recognize the place better than me. Jeno! " she shouts out as he comes in the door, the witch still repeating the words to hold the spell. " im here. " he says standing behind her. " look in the mirror alright?" he nods, looking in the mirror almost having the exact reaction when they see him. " oh god. " " shit. "

they say seeing yunho being repeated punched stomach and face, sitting down on the ground against the hot cage walls. Blood running down from a cut along his forehead. " this must have been repeated, he hasnt even had time to heal like he does. He needs out soon. even for a demon." jeno nods in agreement. as the image fades and Lua stops the spell, the candle going out.

" im so sorry... do you think Lucifer is going to let him out soon? he has to.. right?"

" i sure hope so. "

𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 : 1, 2, 3, ...

[ this one is kinda long but i hope yall still read and enjoy HHHH and if u did thank you ilysm mwah mwah - admin]

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