#If someone says they're a specific label you can't just be like oh you're just yourself

[hereforyourdispleasure]

Trying to explain my identity so harhar funny

I tell my mother I'm a man. She says I'm just me. I reiterate what I am is a man. She asks if I like anyone. She doesn't know I'm on the arospec. She asks if I like my flatmate's friend who looks like me. I say no, she's straight. I'm a man but that woman is straight, so she wouldn't like me back if I did like her (I don't know how to like her)

[in-class-daydreams]

Note: Gojo & the reader are ~40 in this, Sen is 18, and the guy you're seeing (if you don't already know who it is) is aged up accordingly (~30)

Imagine your and ex-husband Gojo's son Sen finding out you're seeing someone.

"You're going on a date?!" Sen asks in disbelief. "With who?"

You smooth out your outfit and check yourself out in the mirror. This look is one of your best, if you do say so yourself.

"Does it matter?" you ask neutrally. Sen is just mature enough to not blatantly freak out at this revelation, but only just. The less he knows, the better.

"Of course, it matters! I need to know who to hunt down if you disappear!" he replies, hands flying up to fist in his hair. "I need to vet this guy!"

Your ex-husband appears in your bedroom doorway. "Who are we vetting?"

Clenching your prospective clothing in your hands, you grumble, "Doesn't anyone knock any more?"

Satoru leans against the door frame like he's someone's booktok boyfriend (he used to be your booktok husband but that's beside the point). He takes in how you've cleaned up and instantly recognizes your date look. Of course, he's only seen it a million times.

"Oh, the kid didn't know you had boyfriend?" he asks.

"Boyfriend?!" Sen cries. Your temple throbs. "Who is he?"

Satoru shrugs. "I dunno, I just know he exists and his one move is sending flowers because he's basic."

"He's not basic and he is not my boyfriend!" you shout, throwing your hands in the air. "We go on dates, yes. We're seeing each other. 'Boyfriend' implies exclusivity, and none of the people I'm seeing are my boyfriend."

Your son and ex-husband stare at you wide-eyed. As Sen gets older, the black roots of his hair have become his last line of defense against looking like a carbon copy of his dad, and having both a young and old(er) Satoru look at you with their stupid big blue eyes is unsettling. Someone hurry up and blink.

"What?" you ask tiredly.

This time it's Satoru that has something irritating to say. "'People?' As in plural?"

"Satoru, don't start."

Sen raises his hand. "I'm with dad on this one. I don't trust anyone with you, not even dad--"

"Thanks, kid."

"--much less strangers."

Part of you understands that your son and ex-husband are the two people in the world that love you the most. Growing up as isolated as you did, your younger self would never have imagined having the both of them in your life. They're just trying to protect you.

The other part of you is on the verge of telling them both to step the fuck off.

You're all saved by the doorbell ringing and before you can even react, both of them are at the door interrogating whoever's on your porch. But you always met up with your dates instead of them picking you up in case of this exact scenario. There was no way he came to the door without your permission.

Sprinting to the door, you find your son, your ex, and a terrified-looking deliveryman holding a bouquet of flowers. You shoo the boys away from him and accept the flowers with thanks and a generous tip for dealing with them.

There's a handwritten note attached. It reads:

You didn't think I'd let you walk out the house without a present, right? Pretty girls need pretty flowers.

You can't hold in a grin. He always found ways to go above and beyond even without an official label.

"Well, at least he's a sorcerer," Sen says. He gestures to the note, "There's a teeny bit of residual CE on there. Not enough for me to recognize, though."

You try not to make your sigh of relief obvious. Sen was still in training and Sukuna said his ability to recognize specific cursed energy needed some work. Getting advice from his dad would help, but your son got his stubborn streak from you.

"Well, good. I don't need you tracking him down." Handing the flowers to Sen, you ask, "Put these in a vase for mama, please?"

Sen, ever the obedient son, runs off to do so immediately. You fondly watch him round the corner into the kitchen, then double back to grab you and place a kiss on your cheek.

"I don't like this, but please be safe, mama! Call me any time, I'll be there," he says, then returns to his task.

Once he's out of sight, you slip your shoes on, holding Satoru by the shoulder to stabilize yourself.

"I'll be back before 11. There's pasta in the fridge and I just washed the sheets in the guest room if you want to stay over," you tell him. Pulling up the back of your shoe, you look up at Satoru to find him stock still looking past you. You can't see his eyes, but you can tell they're fixed on the card you received.

That's when you remember that while your son may not yet be at full potential, veteran sorcerer, strongest in history Gojo Satoru knows damn well who sent you those flowers.

Shit.

Click [here] for more of Sen being mean to his dad | Ask stuff about Sen and the fam [here]

[lorynna]

i would consider myself a radical feminist also and i agree with the vast majority of your views. honestly i am just curious why you think aromantic/asexual people don't exist or shouldn't be labeled. i don't mean this as hate i'm honestly curious to know if it is part of most radical feminist views

if you can accept someone who is lesbian, and knows for themselves that they aren't at all attracted to men, why would you not accept someone who realizes both that they aren't attracted to men and they aren't attracted to women? (obviously very different identities and experiences i'm just wondering why some people can be trusted to know who they're not attracted to and others can't)

Hello anon, thank you for asking so kindly.

I am going to try and explain what my personal opinion on the topic is, as well as I can, and please keep in mind that I don't speak for the radical feminist community but just for my own views.

First of all, the definitions I have read of both terms (aromantic and asexual) so far aren't really specific, differ from each other at times and leave open room for interpretation. The gendies meanwhile continue to preach "everything means something different to each person" and "it is a broad spectrum" just like they do with gender, which according to them is so complicated and unfathomable that you have to ask each person identifying with it seperately, to know what their gender means to them.

The first thing that comes up when I google the definition of both terms displayed below (just as an example of what I mean):

Like, what do "sexual feelings" all include and to which extent does "little romantic attraction" go?

I do think that people who fit the mainstream criterias for being asexual or aromantic exist, I am not trying to say that it is naturally impossible to experience no sexual or aromantic attraction to anyone. I do think it is really really rare for this to authentically occur though, and that a lot of people identifying with these labels have experienced some kind of trauma or are doing it because it has become a trend.

The thing I most dislike about these labels are not only their inconsistency in definitions but also how much they are starting to get pushed online = trend. In my personal experience I have seen not only online but also offline how younger kids and teens start to pick up on these labels without knowing what they truly mean, because they are "cool" and just like gender it is starting to become a similar trend. Seeing who publicly identifies as those labels, it is again mostly the demographic of teenagers who are going puberty and the several different, crucial developmental phases that come with that.

Since you are asking if this is a common radfem belief, I cannot say. There surely is a variety of opinions, however I have seen some good takes from which I remember being said that a person doesn't need the label of "asexuality" or "aromanticism" as an excuse to not participate in dating culture or to not engage in sexual relations. It should just be common sense to not ask strangers about their dating lives and not ask "why" if they say they are not dating or having sex as if it was something unusual.

Also answering to your last question of "why I don't trust those people to know who they are attracted or not attracted to" is not what I am trying to do insinuate by questioning/criticizing the labels they use to describe said attraction. It is not about me trying to say "I don't believe you, you are lying" it is "why do you need those labels". I just don't think it adds anything valuable to society and it's getting more mainstream each day. Now even with teenagers using those labels when they haven't had the time to figure out themselves as a person yet. It just looses its meaning.

I've seen women going through long periods without having partners (radfems participating in male seperatism for example) being asked "oh, so you're asexual, right?" or "oh, so you're unable to form a romantic connection?" because people start assuming, forgetting that there are so so many reasons why people might not have partners or might not want to.

Again, people who truly are not experiencing any sexual desire or romantic desire are really rare but through so many people mindlessly adopting the label it looses it's meaning because it gets more broad in definition and everyone continues to define it for themselves. "Yeah, I am asexual but sometimes I have sex. Like once a month but that's barely enough so I must be asexual." Like... you might just have a low libido and that's totally okay! Why do you feel the need to label yourself as asexual? Is it easier because of your partner's expectations, maybe? Is a simple no not enough for them?

"I'm 15 and I haven't had a crush on anyone so far. I actually think boys/girls are ew and I can't imagine kissing anyone, like ew saliva. Also the girls/boys in my class are so annoying!!" And no, I've heard statements like this several times before. I mean, give yourself some time you're only 15.

Why do we always have to slap a label on top of everything and why can't we just go through life saying "yeah at the moment I really don't feel like having a partner, I don't want to date or have sex. Maybe that will change someday, maybe not and either way it's okay, I'm open for change. " but we have to say "oh yes, I'm an asexual aromantic without doubt and that won't change, that's my identity" and then when that changes we get an identity crisis realising that oh, maybe that wasn't me? Who am I now?

It all boils down to me not being able to take those labels seriously anymore, which is why I reacted so sarcastically in the post you're probably referring to, where I talked sarcastically about those terms.

"labels are different for anyone"

like no.. to define means to limit, to define means to exclude people who don't meet those criterias and that's okay, that's what makes labels and words meaningful = contributing to a conversation of mutual understanding instead of having to first discuss what each person means by using one and the same word.

Like I can't go outside in a clothing store saying "oh I want a red dress" and when she shows me a red dress I then say "oh that's not red for me, that's yellow by my own definition." How do you expect everyone to effectively communicate by leaving the option open for everyone to seperately define one single term??

But as we know, the gendies aren't fans of definitions.

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

okay so i know no one cares but the internet is for yelling about your feelings and so i shall do just that! i think education on kink is so misinterpreted by the Youths on the internet (which proves they're too young and immature to even be having convos abt kink...) and there are also many minors who are into all that tiktok written porn and wattpad shit which has sorta leaked onto tumblr as well. and like i can't know who reads or writes that shit but it Smells Of Youth lol, and like and god knows that i read porn as a minor but ...... adksjhfgfdasdjhf you know?? at least i was aware i was in spaces not meant for me lol and behaved accordingly.

so i read a short lil ficlet that was on my recommended page (ofc a larissa/reader thing lol) that i think shows exactly what's wrong with the younger generations (not to sound like an old lady but you know what i mean) and that is that they are more concerned with appearances rather than the content -- that is, something checking all the boxes of safety rather than it actually being safe.

in their crusade for Righteousness and Political Correctness (even tho i hate using that word bc that's what far-right ppl use when they don't like that minorities want to be treated with respect) they forget that like. you can't slap a "this is okay label" on something that isn't okay and that magically makes it okay.

what i mean by that is that in that ficlet -- and it doesn't matter which one it is bc they are all basically the same fic regurgitated over and over again with slight changes -- we are clearly talking about a fucked up scenario: a principal pursuing and wanting to fuck her student! but THEN she says "if you want me to stop just say red" as if that makes it all okay?? it shows a fundamental misunderstanding of safewords and what they are for. nothing was negotiated or talked about, she DEMANDED that this clearly young person call her mommy even though no preferences were discussed prior etc etc.

and my beef with this is like, if you're gonna write a fucked up scenario (and god knows i love those), you should not try to signal with your narrative choices that what is happening is okay, unless it is a literary choice that somehow serves the story. but what i've read and keep reading feels like aha! not problematic bc we are all over 18 and we have safewords! so nothing could ever go wrong :) please, treat a fucked up scenario like a fucked up scenario! commit to your fucked up fantasy goddamit! stop trying to virtue signal! you're writing about a principal fucking her student and abusing her power, which is okay and you should be able to write about that! but she's not uwu mommy askjdhfsg you know?? and i think that's why so many people got mad at me for writing my fucked up shit (inevitable specifically) and it's bc i wrote basically what the narrative they keep writing about would look like in real life lol, and i didn't do any of the performative stuff they do to make it Okay and Not Problematic. someone would end up hurt, i promise you! it's okay to have your fucked up fantasies, just don't pretend they're not just that -- fucked up fantasies that need to be carefully managed if you ever want to engage in something that mimics it in real life.

it's really dangerous that all these Youths keep using bdsm terminology without understanding what it means. safewords, dom/sub dynamics, aftercare... if you write a sexual assault scene and slap aftercare on it, it is still sexual assault. if someone coerces you to have sex with them (and there is more way than one to coerce a person to sleep with you without using any force) but say oh you can have a safeword and i'll stop :))) that is still sexual assault lol. you saying the words doesn't mean anything.

also, i'm not saying there aren't inherent power dynamics in any relationship, not just with age gap stuff which is a popular trope in these fics, but like they need to be addressed and managed if you want to write a Healthy Relationship(TM). there is a social power imbalance between men and women and yet het relationships exist and work! but if you don't wanna write that, if you wanna write your "mommy that sorta rapes me but not really" fantasy, by all means keep doing it but pleaaaase call it what it is! otherwise it's just confusing and harmful for all the young people on these webbed sites.

i am all for fucked up shit, both reading and writing it, and there should be space for everyone to unload their bullshit on the internet. however, problems arise when fucked up shit is being sold as Good(TM) bc it checks certain boxes and basically passes as Not Problematic uwu on a technicality, rather than examining the actual content. there are ways to examine fucked up desires and the dark side the human psyche, but what is not productive is slapping buzzwords on stuff and saying oh it's Moral(TM) now. fiction doesn't have to be moral. please give up on that notion! but if it's trying to be, then it shouldn't endorse prettily packaged sexual assault lol.

[genderstarbucks]

" Usually I ignore hate like this but this is so fucking funny to me

Nowhere in my bio does it say I'm a woman you dumbass LMFAO, it says I'm female, which is different than a woman

Saying I'm just gay and trans does not explain the entirety of my experience, I can use whatever fucking labels I want to describe myself whether you like it or not you wet sock

"That's not real it's made up", yeah all words are you fucking idiot

The fact that you would stone people based on an identity that literally doesn't affect your tiny brain at all says a lot about you

YOU'RE the one who's disrespecting the trans people who have died to transphobia by caring so much about the fact that this is how I experience my transness

I think they'd be proud of the fact that me and so many others are reclaiming slurs that have been used against us

Have you ever even heard of cistrans people? Probably not considering your brain implodes at the thought of male lesbians

Also where the fuck are the "fetishes" in my bio you're speaking of? Those are just my dating preferences fuckface, what? Are you mad that you don't fit those preferences? You're just mad you can't be with me because I'm so great

You are actually so fucking stupid it's funny, you think I actually care about your opinion?

Mspec gays, lesbians and straights will and have always existed, no matter what your tiny brain thinks

Lesboys and turigirls still exist too you idiot

Oh boo hoo a butch lesbian is calling themselves a lesboy, and you're getting offended over that? That's really fucking pathetic

Gay and trans people died for my and other weird queer people's rights, and the rights for us to identify however we want

R you rlly gonna support xenogenders but not other niche queer identities? Stupid ass

Nobody ever said all lesbians like men or that lesbians have to like men, lesbians only like men if they're attracted to men while also calling themselves a lesbian you dumbass

Irl literally nobody cares if you identify as an mspec gay or lesboy, it's people like you who keep pulling this stupid discourse back up WHEN LITERALLY NOBODY CARES

It's not affecting you assfuck

I'm pro stoning people who are like you, specifically with big boulders "

" Have you ever even heard of cistrans people? Probably not considering your brain implodes at the thought of male lesbians " neither of those exist take your meds,

"R you rlly gonna support xenogenders but not other niche queer identities? Stupid ass" yeah lol :3

" Nobody ever said all lesbians like men or that lesbians have to like men, lesbians only like men if they're attracted to men while also calling themselves a lesbian you dumbass" so theyre not lesbian got it ^_^

" It's not affecting you assfuck " have you ever thought about maybe the ideology that lesbians can like men is literally what gets most of them raped

anyway all the swearing from ur post makes me giggle bc youre actually so mad, maybe ask mommy to change your diaper or something

" Also where the fuck are the "fetishes" in my bio you're speaking of? Those are just my dating preferences fuckface, what? Are you mad that you don't fit those preferences? You're just mad you can't be with me because I'm so great " im actually so happy i dont fit those bc i dont date 500lbs people LMAOO maybe try listening to other people than your divorced mom who got beaten by all her past partners who says "youre so beautiful" because all shes doing is lying to you, it would b better for you to know now that ur double chin aint doing any good for you. you just gotta know youre really below average before someone tells you and you end up killing yourself over it

" Saying I'm just gay and trans does not explain the entirety of my experience, I can use whatever fucking labels I want to describe myself whether you like it or not you wet sock " how about you use the labels the term "delusional, obese, and extremely ugly"

I literally do not care

[quandaryqueen]

Idk if you've written this before but may I please have some jealous riddlers 💕 thank you

Jealous? Me?

Edward Nygma X Reader

I love the way you think, anon 👀

Also, I didn't expect to go in a slightly angsty route, but hey, here it is.

💚 Arkhamverse

He likes to think he never gets jealous, why would he? It's not as if one can reach his level, match the likeness of his calibre, why, he'd laugh at the faces who think they will ever have the intention of making him feel inferior by trying their chances with you. Like I said, that's what he likes to think.

It's not that he's crazy possessive, but he is crazy possessive. Not in the objectifying way, no, he respects you to even consider you as a mere pawn, disposable whatever— you're his equal! And those who try to take his equal will be batman bait!

It's easy to spot when he's jealous. For one, he doesn't get jealous when you show clear signs of being uninterested, dismissive even, he knows not to feel shitty about himself. But when it's those he knows are better than him, as much as he denies it because he believes he's the best of the best, oh gosh he will seethe.

Those who seems to be less than he is in terms of being problematic, less bratty and irritating, extremely emotional with no proper way of releasing it without destroying a whole room and cursing your existence... Those who would most likely take care of you then you take care of them.

💚 Gotham

He will boil in silence, simmer for about a minute and be distant, then spill over, tears and all. He's angry with himself that he can't be a man who will take care of you and try as he may, he will never aspire to the level he wants.

And in his despair and inability to reflect about himself, he turns against you. He blames you for cheating on him, just as the others were doing to him. And it will take a lot to convince him otherwise.

Petty and passive aggressive.

The "Why don't you spend more time with N, clearly you like them better" type of jealous.

At this point, which of the Riddler iterations do not have self-esteem issues?

At first he'd be angry at you, then the third person, then he'd pander about why you'd rather 'hang out' with the other person, realise he might be the problem. Was he too clingy? Is it the fact he tends to be overwhelming? Then he'd start feeling sorry for himself and lock himself in a room where he might cry himself to sleep, spiral into a self-loathing bender until someone pries him out of it.

Come along to reassure him that no one will replace him and that you forgive him for snapping at you, even then the damage is done. Self-loathing, to a degree, is harmful to one's self but it's the way they handle it. He hates himself, that he wants to change himself as well instead of just wallowing in it, especially if you were there to reassure him. You don't deserve this version of him, he knows, and so he thrives to change.

He'd become more understanding of you and perhaps less jealous. There's still a tinge of it sometimes, but it's not as worse and he's working on it.

💚 Batman Unburied

Here's the fun thing— he doesn't.

First of all, it takes long for him to get into a relationship with you and the whole thing was a matter of 'Will they or won't they' due to trust issues. Because in the rogue circles, one cannot be trusted wholly. You never knew when you swore oaths to watch each others back, only for them to have a knife against. So you best be prepared to bring your gun to this knife fight.

Anyways, it took long for him to feel comfortable of the concept of commitment and comfort... At the early stages of the relationship, with zero labels, he was worried you were disloyal... Not in the "What if they're cheating on me" kind of disloyal, but "What if they're a spy sent by whoever rogue I double-crossed that is catered to my type and is planning to enact revenge on me" kind of disloyal. He's had way too many types of those relationship... Not specifically as stated above, but let's just say he's been betrayed.

But when he's tested the waters, he was happy to simply stay in it, not wanting to leave. It was the best goddamn thing and he's going to cherish it forever.

He wouldn't settle in a relationship if he has doubts about the relationship, even the littlest tinge of jealousy. When he is in a relationship with you, he knows you well, and he doesn't have to worry about anything at all.

Come on, who would be dumb and desperate to settle for those who make them question the validity of a relationship when you witness your other half interacting with another? Not him.

[zombolouge]

I appreciate it when people understand that declaring something a "triggering" subject does not mean it should never be depicted.

Had some great conversations lately about depicting different types of trauma and whatnot in media, or even joking about darker subjects, and it just makes me deeply, deeply appreciate folks that can look at something in a media, realize it's harming them psychically, but not then insist that's a fault in the media. Or an ill of society. Or a sin we should banish. To simply accept that they're not in a place to absorb it while still respecting the right of other's to explore it more. That right there is king shit.

I think understanding sensitive topics and triggers, and how they can be damaging if not properly labeled or considered, is a GREAT improvement on media literacy, but there's definitely a subset of fandom that conflates that with forbidden. If it's a trigger, it should be avoided, banned, or that only a perpetrator would want to depict it, or that it MUST be depicted in a specific way or else it's not okay.

But as someone with CPTSD that has had clinical trauma triggers, triggers SHOULD be explored. At your own pace and when you're ready.

Fucked up topics SHOULD be studied and twisted around fictional people and scenarios, giving us low-stakes ways to engage with high-stakes psychological concepts. We SHOULD see all kinds of takes on the subject and be able to look at them critically, whether the depiction is "good" or "bad". People can fuck up the portrayal and then we should discuss what makes us uncomfortable about it. People can nail the portrayal and we should find catharsis in seeing ourselves - or seeing others we know. And everything in between. All without assuming the author/creator set out to punish you and people like you in the process (half the time even the worst portrayals are just idiocy moving at high speeds anyways lol).

We've all got a right to say "oh, this is not doing me good to interact with right now", or "I can't find the humor in this topic", and I just wanna spread some love to the people that can also say, "but I hope everyone else can get something out of it" and go about their business.

[fitrahgolden]

Lilies and Soap: 6 - Someone to Keep

[NOTE: What’s this? A chapter whose word count actually surpasses 2k? From little ole moi?]

"Knew what I wanted

Didn’t know that I had it

Someone I’ll continue

To see while I sleep

I'll love her out loud

Kneel at her altar

She's ever above me

Someone to keep"

"Someone to Keep" by A. E. Bridgerton.

Lyrics by A. E. Bridgerton.

—

Anthony and Benedict sat in the green room of a late night talk show, watching the monologue on the screen that was mounted to the wall.

"I know I've been an idiot." Anthony rested his head against the back of the couch, not looking in Benedict's direction. 

"Brilliant. Are we talking about anything specific?" Benedict asked with a grin. 

"Fuck off," he scoffed, then added quietly, "but, yes."

"Oh."

Anthony turned to look at his brother. Benedict seemed to already know what Anthony was talking about.

"I've really hurt her, haven't I?"

Benedict shrugged as he started to answer and Anthony knew from the look on his face that that answer was going to be short of the truth. 

“Ben, come on.”

Benedict sighed and his shoulders slumped. "You didn't mean to, Ant. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I've hurt her."

"She's…been having a hard time."

Anthony winced. "You've talked about it?"

"Not technically. We've been not talking about it for a little while now."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it's for you two to sort out. To say something or not say something. To name it or pretend it isn't there."

Anthony raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's true,” Benedict insisted. “And… she may have asked me not to say anything."

Anthony nodded. "While you were 'not talking about it.'"

"Right."

"Right," Anthony parroted.

"So… I take it you've had some sort of revelation?"

Anthony laughed ruefully. "Yeah, you could definitely say that."

"And?" Ben implored.

"And…we'll see what happens after tonight."

—

Anthony was always meant to do this interview and performance alone. It had been booked months ago. Kate had a scheduling conflict with her family plans, as the date of the taping was the same day as her late father's birthday. However, it was too good of an opportunity to turn down, so she and Benedict encouraged Anthony to do it on his own.

Now, Anthony was thankful for the opportunity to perform without Kate. It was auspicious timing, getting a chance to perform this song for her. Benedict was wary of changing the song choice, especially to something that hadn't even been recorded, let alone released. Anthony didn't fully explain, but he was convincing enough to get Benedict and the label to go along with it.

Now, as the interview was coming to a close, it was almost time for his big swing. Considering the reason Kate wasn't there, Anthony knew it'd be insensitive at best to make sure she'd be watching when the show aired. He knew she'd see it soon, if not tonight.

In the final few minutes of the interview, the host, Lulu, leaned in conspiratorially and said, "So, Anthony, I heard the live performance you're giving us tonight is a bit of a world premiere, eh?" She turned to the audience with raised eyebrows. "Using your band mate's absence as an opportunity to launch your solo career, are you?"

"Oh, absolutely. Can't put all my eggs in one basket." Anthony laughed along with the audience. 

"OK, well, I just have one more question. Just for fun. Let’s settle the debate here and now: Which one of you is Lilies and which one of you is Soap?"

Anthony knew he ruminated for much longer than Lulu had expected for such a purposely silly question. Eventually, he responded with absolutely no humour. "It's Kate. They're both Kate. It's all… Kate."

There were a few "aw"s in the audience, but mostly silence. Lulu looked like she was at a bit of a loss after the unexpected answer, but she recovered quickly. 

"Well, in that case, we'll just have to see how you do without her, hm?" She was teasing him goodnaturedly, but Anthony couldn’t help but think about how poorly he would do without Kate in his life.

—

The other stage lights were turned down, leaving the spotlight on Anthony alone at the piano. He could make out Benedict in the shadows giving him a supportive nod.

He started playing the opening chords of “Someone to Keep.” He hadn't realised how nervous he was. His hand slipped. He stopped, took a breath, and said "oops" into the mic, eliciting a laugh from the audience, which gave him time to clear his mind and start again.

It went smoothly after that. He really couldn’t have asked for a better performance. What had become a recurring vision of Kate spurred him on. He poured everything he had into every word, every stroke of the keys. And before he knew it, the room had erupted into applause. Lulu came over, gave him a handshake, and turned towards the camera to close out the show.

—

Anthony was high on adrenaline as he stayed after the taping to meet with fans and sign a few autographs. By the time the meet and greet was over, Tom had watched the early, unedited video of the performance LMG requested, and texted Anthony.

Tom (LMG): Fuck, yeah! We're gonna record that shit for sure!

So, apparently the label was happy. 

He'd lost count of how many times Benedict patted him on the back. "She's gonna love it," his brother told him.

And all Anthony could do was pray that Benedict was right. 

—

Anthony watched the show that night. The family text thread was blowing up during and afterwards. The messages were coming in too fast. Not just from his family, but from his friends and LMG as well. It was too much to even attempt to respond to. He'd get to it tomorrow once they stopped, or at least slowed. When Hyacinth texted, asking what he planned to do once he saw Kate, however, he did feel the need to answer immediately. He said he didn't know and asked everyone on the thread to please not say anything to her until he had a chance to talk to her. 

One person who had not reached that night was Kate. He tried not to read into it. She could easily have not seen it yet. Or she did and was processing it. Maybe she didn't even know it was about her. Was that even possible? There was, of course, a fourth possibly. That she saw it, understood the message, and wasn't interested. Anthony didn't want to think about that prospect. They had plans to meet at the studio tomorrow evening. He figured he'd know something by then.

Sleep didn't come easy, but it did come eventually.

—

Anthony was too nervous to do much the next day before it was time to go to the studio.

Benedict texted and asked if Anthony had heard from Kate and if he wanted to hang out before the session.

He declined the offer to meet up, but said he had actually heard from Kate. Anthony had worked up the nerve to call her while she was on the train home. He asked how her stay in Somerset for her father's memorial went. And, to his surprise, she asked how the talk show went. He stammered a bit as he told her it really well, not adding much detail. There were a few beats of silence before he made himself ask if she’d watched it. He was a little relieved when she said she hadn't, but the nerves came back in full force when she said she would before they met tonight. He didn't trust himself to keep it together for much longer, so he ended the call shortly after that, but not before asking if she needed a ride. Kate said she would meet him there, but would appreciate a ride home afterward.

And so, all that was left to do was wait. And hope.

—

"Hey, you OK?" Anthony asked as he greeted Kate with a hug that she leaned into.

"Yeah, it was good seeing everyone, especially Appa and Amma's family from Bengaluru. It's basically the only time I get to see them."

"Yeah, I know. I'm glad it went well."

Anthony was staring at her, the plea for Kate to say something about the interview exceedingly obvious to her.

"Um, shall we get started?" She was almost afraid to watch his reaction. She saw disappointment flash across his features before he smiled softly and nodded.

She followed him into the studio with a heavy sigh.

—

Try as Kate might, it wasn't working out to be a particularly productive session. Her nerves were making it hard for her to look Anthony in the eye and hold a conversation. Anthony seemed distracted, which wasn't surprising at all. She felt a bit silly for thinking they'd be able to work without addressing the elephant in the room, but she wasn't sure she wanted to. 

She’d known the plan had been for Anthony to perform "Bane of My Existence," since it was popular, and he provided the main vocals for it anyway. The fact that LMG approved the performance of a brand new song that she hadn't even heard was surprising and made her very curious. 

When she watched Anthony's segment during the tailend of her train ride back to London, so many emotions came to the surface. The hope that blossomed scared her, the love she felt warmed her, the ache she could sense in his voice brought her to tears. And the doubt made her pause. What if she had massively misread things?

"Lamb?"

Anthony's voice jostled Kate out of her thoughts.

"Sorry. Yes?"

"It doesn't seem like we're feeling it tonight."

"No, no." Kate sat back down at the piano. "Let's just finish this bit." She started playing the incomplete phrase they had been trying and failing to work on. She could feel Anthony's stare as he slowly moved to sit beside her on the bench. He put his hands on top of hers. She stopped playing and reluctantly met his gaze.

There was silence for a few moments before he spoke, softly. “Why don't you want to talk about it, Lamb?”

There was no point in acting as if she didn't know what he was referring to. It was all she could think about, and apparently it had been the same for him.

"Because I'm not sure what to say. Or what you want me to say. Or what I should say."

Anthony nodded with understanding.

Kate took a big breath. 

"Was it for me?" Her voice was small.

—

Anthony was flooded with a sense of relief. She'd gotten the message, even if she needed confirmation that she’d understood it correctly.

He turned to her and looked her in the eye. He wanted to be absolutely clear. "It was it for you, Lamb. Every word. Every note."

"Oh."

Anthony's nerves began to work overtime. He wasn't taking anything for granted, but, judging from what little Benedict had said, Kate felt something, too. Maybe not to the same degree, maybe not exactly the same thing. But Anthony thought he had reason to hope.

"How long?" She asked.

A completely reasonable question to which he didn't have a particularly good answer.

"Now that I know, it feels like it's been a long time. But… Honestly, I didn't realise it until a couple of weeks ago."

Kate said nothing.

"I know how it sounds, Lamb. But I don't know how to explain it. It feels new and it feels like it's been forever."

"I understand, Tony."

"You do?" He felt his heartbeat quicken.

"I went through something similar. A few months ago."

Anthony grabbed her hands and pulled them to his chest.

"Lamb, why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you're my band mate. What we do requires a good relationship between us. Because you're my friend. I love your family. My family loves you."

"Those last few reasons sound like an excellent argument for us to be together, actually." Anthony managed to smirk.

"Tony…"

"What do we do now, Lamb?"

Kate thought about it for a long moment. "Can we go to mine and talk about it?"

Anthony smiled as he cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead.

"Yeah, of course. Let's go."

—

Anthony took a chance and held Kate's hand as they walked down the hall. His chest tightened when he felt Kate intertwine their fingers as they exited the studio–directly into a downpour of rain.

“Fuck!” Kate backed up against the door, underneath the awning.

“The car isn’t far. Let’s just make a run for it.” Anthony tugged on her hand.

She exhaled sharply and moved towards him. A bright flash of lightning and booming thunder had her retreating back inside. Anthony followed.

Kate slumped against the hallway wall before sliding down to the floor. “Fucking pop up storms.”

Anthony sat against the wall opposite Kate, concern written all over his face. “It sounds like it’s right over us. It’ll pass soon.” He pulled out his phone. “Want me to check?”

Kate’s gaze was fixated on the door, but she answered quickly. “Yes.”

After a few moments, Anthony held up the radar image on his screen. “See, Lamb? It won’t be long at all.”

Anthony stared at Kate as she stared at the door. He’d seen her like this several times. He knew she didn’t need help, that this one wasn’t too bad. 

After about 10 minutes, Kate turned to Anthony, eyebrows raised. “Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you check?”

“The radar, or can I open the door?”

“The door, please.”

Anthony hopped up and opened the door about a quarter of the way.

“All’s clear. Well, it’s still spitting, but I can see some stars and it’s pretty quiet.” He reached out to Kate. “Shall we, Lamb?”

Kate took a deep breath before getting up and taking Anthony’s hand. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

Anthony put his arm around Kate’s shoulders as the rain misted them on the way to his car. Once they reached it in the otherwise empty car park, Kate leaned against the door as Anthony was moving to open it for her. “Um… Are we getting inside?”

“If I told you I wanted you to kiss me right now, would you think it was because of the storm?”

“Hmm.” Anthony put his hands against the car door on either side of Kate, levelling their gaze. “No, I wouldn’t think that.”

“Why not?” Kate tilted her head.

“You’ve never kissed me after a storm before.” Anthony reached to twirl a lock of Kate’s wet hair around his finger.

“I’ve never kissed you at all.”

Anthony gulped after looking down at her lips, which were dotted with water droplets. "Do you want to change that?"

Kate didn't say at first, just studied his face.

“Tony?”

“Yes, Lamb?” Anthony whispered.

“Please kiss me.”

[aromantic-diaries]

I don't know too many micro-labels in the aro and ace communities but I feel like I need one to describe/validate how I feel so I was wondering if you could help me.

I thought that I was bi(curious) at around 7th grade but never thought too much about romance or sexual feelings since I grew up with my parents constantly saying things like "no boyfriends until you're 16" and all that jazz.

Mid-way through 8th grade I started looking through the other labels. I eventually settled with being panromantic/acesexual because I never really thought of being sexually attracted to anyone and I also never really had a 'crush' on a certain gender. I would usually think "Oh, they're so pretty/handsome/attractive" but not in a truly romantic case. (Another indicator that I am somewhere on the aro and ace specs is that I lied many many many times about celebrity crushes and other crushes)

Fast forward a month or so before pride month and the end to my 9th grade I find out about the aromantic spectrum and I'm like "this is neato cause this actually makes sense for me". But I still can't find the "right one" even after taking many online quizzes to try and get an idea on what seems the most accurate.

This was kind of a stupid rant to get to my main reason for asking for help. But I know I'm ace, I'm just struggling on the aro part because I'm not sure if I'm greyromantic or cupioromantic (or just flat out aro).

I enjoy (sometimes) shipping characters but that's on two out of the many fandoms I'm in. When I think about doing things that are typically romantic, I feel awkward and unsure (maybe from the constant reminding of the 'not dating rule' from my parents). I see myself someone who is romance favourable but at the same time indifferent. Like I don't mind the idea of a romantic partner but I don't think I feel romantic attraction and if I do I often mix it up with platonic feelings.

I don't think it helps that I also have ADHD and sometimes hyper-fixate on people—

For now I just say I am AroAce and use the sunset flag (totally not because it reminds me of Van Gogh paintings...) but if I had a specific label to tell people that would make me so happy! Sorry if that was a lot to unpack...

hi! right now the label that comes to mind is quoiromantic, which is a term for someone who's on the aromantic spectrum but unsure where. if that makes sense. i've also heard the term oriented aroace which is for someone who feels different types of attraction that are significant enough to warrant another label besides aroace (i think that's the definition, not sure) if that's helpful

[murdermeadow]

xc2 gender and sexuality hcs because it's hashtag pride month and I've been replaying it

Rex (he/him/any): very bisexual methinks. like obviously there's his wives of whom he loves dearly but there's also his blonde boytoy in the Torture Chamber of whom he also loves dearly. as for gender, I think he's confident in his identity as a man, and isn't afraid to play around with it a bit. for the most part he's pretty masculine, but he doesn't mind if you refer to him in other ways

Pyra (she/her and any fire themed neopronoun): she's like if a girl was soft and malleable. also very bisexual, with an equal preference for any gender. I think she's a girl in the way that you'd describe girlhood to someone who knows nothing about it and they went "oh yeah that's me" if you catch my drift. I can't explain it any better she's just Squishy

Mythra (she/it): bisexual lesbian methinks. has a major preference for women but Rex is that one exception that she's absolutely enamoured with. I think she's also pretty confident in her girlhood, but it's that very sharp and spiky rabid animal girlhood. she won't hesitate to bite you (as I'm typing this I realize her and Pyra are literally that "girlhood is a spectrum" image with the super soft looking bunny and that terrifying rabbit with the wide eyes)

Nia (she/he/they): I don't think she pays a whole ton of attention to specific labels. definitely trans, but I can never decide in which direction. common fanon is mtf but I've always interpreted her moreso as nonbinary, so I'm not sure which one I lean with more. but! transgender regardless! and as for sexuality, she's probably pan. just as long as you're pretty and/or handsome she doesn't really care

Dromarch (he/him): like he said, he's too old for romance. aroace and confidently masculine. his real gender is tiger

Mòrag (she/he): butch lesbian. enough said.

Brighid (they/she): she gives off femme nonbinary lesbian vibes. something about her isn't woman but it isn't man either. I think she likes to get silly with it. definitely enjoys being feminine though (and Mòrag enjoys it too)

Zeke (he/they): genderqueer man methinks. he absolutely loves to get crazy with it. enjoys and wholeheartedly loves his masculinity. he has the vibe of those dudes who put on their girlfriends silly tanktops while they're away or wear the most gorgeous dresses you've ever seen. I also think he's the kinda guy to go "I'm straight, but," all the time while everyone screams at him that he's bisexual. he definitely is, but doesn't want to admit it. for what reason? who knows

Pandoria (she/her and a million neos): I think she'd use incredibly niche labels. like omnisexual and the most hyperspecific xenogender you've ever seen. she probably has a whole stockpile of labels she enjoys that she just plays around with at any given day

Tora (he/she): tbh. I think he gets a little transgenderism. as a treat. I've seen people say that the real reason he dressed up Poppi in so many frilly girly outfits is because he was confusing attraction and personal desire, so what he actually wanted was for himself to wear those outfits. I think as she's grown, especially around so many strong role models who are women, she's come to terms with her femininity and allowed herself to dabble in both worlds. I place a tentative bigender and simultaneous straight/lesbian label on him (moral of the story, he likes girls)

Poppi (she/her and robot themed neos when gear's in the mood): rtf. robot to female. transgender in the convoluted nonhuman way. I think she's definitely on the aroace spectrum but still can still have affinities for anyone. so pansexual

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Current Top 10 Bleachers Songs

Though I can't exactly say I grew up with Bleachers--I was 14 when I first heard of them--I feel like I did. Maybe it's because I actually did grow up with Bruce Springsteen, and didn't someone once call Bleachers a glorified Springsteen tribute band? I couldn't find the original reference, but I love Bleachers almost as much as Springsteen (who's only my favorite artist ever--sorry, Alba Reche, you're a close second I promise!!!), so I can't say that label is a bad thing. The Springsteen energy happening in their music is FANTASTIC, with some interesting electronic influences to spice things up! They released a new album last Friday, so it's time to do a top-10-so-far before I find any new favorites :)

1. Wild Heart

This is for all the kids who lived off the Love, Simon soundtrack in eighth grade, who huddled in their room and listened to "Wild Heart" over and over and over again and tried to work up the courage to ask their parents to take them to see the movie... but what if they guess? What if they figure out I'm gay? I'll just watch the trailers over and over again, listen to the soundtrack on repeat... Look, I like so much about "Wild Heart", especially the echo-y vocal effects and the way the chorus crashes in and the grumbling bass and the outro, but really this is my favorite Bleachers song as a salute to my past self. I'm sorry. And thank you. And I'm so proud of you.

2. How Dare You Want More

This song is layers and layers and layers, it's all the chaos and glee of a really great party, and I feel tipsy by the time that sax solo hits.

3. Hate That You Know Me

I thought this one was pretty weird for a longggg time, but it got me eventually. The production here is emptier than what I was used to from their first album, but over time, it started to feel less empty and more immediate to me, like I could just be hearing a couple of people giving the performance of their lives across the street. Speaking of which, shoutout to the backup vocalist who does those riffs--they bring out the best in this song's rhythm. Also, these might be my favorite Bleachers lyrics. They're fantastically fun to sing, without losing any meaning to the sonic whimsy!

4. Don't Take The Money

This is my comfort scream-it-all-out song--it has the perfect blend of genuine humor and equally genuine agony that I love so much in my favorite Taylor Swift songs. Experiencing the mortifying ordeal of being known? Singing, "I SAW YOUR FACE AND HANDS / COVERED IN SUN AND THEN / I THINK I UNDERSTAND / ... OH I UNDERSTAND" is the most effective cure I know.

5. I'm Ready to Move On / Wild Heart -- w/ Yoko Ono

Okay, sure, this is kind of just "Wild Heart" again. But I think it deserves its own spot, since it really does have its own thing going on. I'm not as much of an experimental production lover as I want to be--though I respect attempts to expand the range of sounds we think of as 'music', I still have a hard time actually enjoying the more out-there electronic stuff. But I'll listen to this one any day, weird buzzing noises included, because Yoko Ono's melody instantly cheers me up, and I find myself singing it constantly. Snow is falling! All the time! Snow is smiling! All the time! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! To move on!

6. I Wanna Get Better (cw: sui)

This one is... intense. I think that's what I love most about Bleachers, though, is that you get all this emotion wrapped up in these ridiculously catchy rock anthems. There's so much feeling that's fighting to get out of these songs, and so much in my heart that's fighting to get out when I listen--but then I can free it by singing along. These are songs that want to be sung along to, that invite your shared experience of things that are too heavy to carry alone. Hell, maybe that's what drew me to Bleachers, specifically, out of all the artists on the Love, Simon soundtrack. Because their music felt like coming out, even before I actually did; it gave me an escape, to a place where I felt like my secret, my big terrifying secret, had already been shared. Even for just a few minutes, I could get that weight of things unspoken off my shoulders. And suicidal ideation is hard to talk about, too. And I didn't talk about it for a long time--not for years after coming out. But I had this song to process it with, and for that I'm eternally grateful <3

7. Like A River Runs

Okay, this spot could belong to a whole bunch of songs on the Strange Desire album, but I'll go with this one, which was my most-listened song on Spotify Wrapped 2020. I don't think I've ever been able to relate to this song--I'm lucky to never have experienced the death of a close friend, or of a family member I knew well--but the production always manages to capture me instantly. I guess this song gives us another good explanation of why I feel like I grew up with Bleachers: their music sounds like how my growing up felt--this overwhelming rush of reckless joy in the present, combined with intense fits of yearning for the past.

8. Everybody Lost Somebody

COME ON MOTHERFUCKER YOU SURVIVED YOU'VE GOTTA GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK !!!!!

9. 91

I never really know what to do with this song, honestly--it's not let-it-all-out fun, like I usually expect from Bleachers. Rather, it's mysterious and reserved... but that makes it uniquely captivating, too. Its lyrics have beautifully executed time skips, and I love that string instruments are made central to the arrangement, rather than left to a low-volume layer in the chorus.

10. Rollercoaster -- w/ Charli XCX

I mean, Bleachers has some of the best hooks out there, and Charli XCX has a voice that makes any chorus a punch to the gut. A dream collaboration, for sure, and I wouldn't be surprised if this is my most-listened Bleachers song ever!

Honorable Mentions: Reckless Love, You're Still a Mystery, All My Heroes, 45, Big Life, Don't Go Dark, Anti-Hero (Taylor Swift feat. Bleachers)

[femboyhunting]

Haha... I'm so scared of wording this wrong. Um. Many people don't understand bpd people, that's what I feel. Many people who hate bpd don't even know someone with the disorder. It's really stupid... One of the sweetest partners I ever had was someone with bpd, I didn't understand the disorder when they told me they had it, it wasn't something I ever came across, I just know they have been one of the kindest and softest souls I know. People with bpd usually need some compassion and understanding from others. You... Haha, I'm bad at this! But don't let reddit people of all people get to you! You're fine. You deserve someone who knows you for you and decide if they love you. Um, virtual hugs. I hope things feel better.

Oh you don't have to be scared!

But yeah I do feel like you're right. Obviously having a mental illness isn't indicative of someone being a less complicated person to be around. Like literally it definitively means your life is harder and more complex, and like sometimes being mentally ill means you act like an asshole. But this idea that bpd makes someone evil and the idea that there is such thing as "bpd abuse" is frankly ableist. And these forums on Reddit dedicated to the victims of abuse from people that have bpd (and there's one for npd too that one's the most popular one) are nothing but cesspools for the most vile vitriolic shit I've ever seen stigmatizing the mentally ill. I think the goal of these subreddits is to redirect the rage at someone who wronged them by bullying an entire subset of mentally ill people who can't argue back because the narrative is they're unreasonable liars with bad intentions. People want a villain. They want to be able to be angry and say hurtful things about others without feeling bad. And why would you ever feel bad about calling a monster what it is?

These forums are Not a safe haven for people that have been abused. I do think that would be helpful. But there's no reason why a forum for abuse victims should be labeled as for victims of mentally ill people specifically. It's not helpful. People with BPD aren't even allowed to be a part of it. Which doesn't make much sense considering everything we know about BPD points to it being triggered by childhood abuse so it would make sense that abuse victims would have BPD. I've looked through the subreddit and it's Full of deeply harmful misinformation about mental illness. There are also a lot of posts about people who aren't even diagnosed with bpd, the poster just armchair diagnosed them and the reasoning for them deciding it was BPD is always that they're abusive and/or an asshole. And it bleeds into ever other part of reddit. Anyone ever acting like an asshole? Yep that's textbook bpd symptoms. Go to this forum full of lies and vitriolic hate to find out more!

They've already decided that BPD=Abusive and Evil and work back wards from there.

But depressed people can be abusive too. People with depression and anxiety can lash out, have trouble regulating emotions, let others down, let things fall by the wayside, hurt others without meaning to. But it's not "clinical depression abuse" or "anxiety disorder abuse". And you know what neurotypical and mentally well people can Also do all that just as much. Mentally well people can be abusive, can make bad decisions, lash out, go through hard situations, be hard to deal with.

And like, humans aren't perfect, that's just jow it is! Sometimes a person does bad things but honestly I don't think doing bad things makes you a bad person necessarily. It's all about striving to be your best self and work on being better, moving through the world with compassion for others and yourself.

It doesn't really matter that I feel that logically this is just ableist bullshit though because I know there are people that hate me and think I'm evil for being mentally ill. Everywhere I go could be someone like that. It makes me feel unsafe. It makes me wonder if even my therapist thinks I'm untreatable and evil (some do and even admit it). It makes it even harder to trust. I'm already, ya know, not straight or cis. I don't think I can describe the emotion I feel knowing that there are people who hate me and want me dead for an inherent aspect of myself I never even asked for.

Idk I'm bummed. For a variety of reasons. I guess I'm just having a hard time lately. I do want to thank you for reaching out and having compassion for me, you're very kind.

[nowoyas]

Oh, bless your heart. Since you're a minor, I'll make sure to talk to you using really simple words so you understand! I'm sorry that I'm not answering your ask directly. See, I have a strict policy of blocking minors who approach me in a sexual context! A "policy" is like a rule someone sets that they make really really sure to follow, and "context" is the stuff surrounding a thing! Furthermore, "sexual" means... well, ask your mommy and daddy about that one after church, okay? I'm sure you came from a very loving Christian family who will be happy to teach you what their god says about sex. I can tell from the values you're approaching me with that you've been taught super normal ideas about what's healthy and unhealthy in interacting with other people!

See, when you approach—that means to "walk up to", in a physical or metaphorical sense—oh, do you know what metaphorical means? It's something that isn't actually happening.—when you approach someone with sexual content, you have to get their consent. That's when you ask them if they're okay with something first! It's a big idea, I know, but it's really important, okay? When you don't have that, and you do a thing related to that big scary "sex" thing anyway, that's called "sexual harassment". One sound at a time, now! But, since you're just a child, I'll assume you didn't know! I still had to report you, though.

I don't think you sent me this in good faith. I think you were trying to be mean and upset me. It's okay! A lot of people on the internet do that. It can be really easy to forget that all these little words on the screen are from real people! But I'll forgive you. Sometimes it's hard to feel real in a big scary world.

But let's look at why you're trying to be mean. I can learn a lot about what a person is trying to do from two sentences! See, a lot of people on the internet are looking for someone to be mean to. It makes them feel big and important in a world where we are small and unimportant. It can even make them feel like they're doing something good in the world! Sometimes, people pick other people with certain traits to be mean to, so they don't have to think too hard about who the "right" person to be mean to is, and sometimes, they do this in really specific ways! When they see a trans person—that's someone whose gender doesn't match the one the doctor said was theirs—a lot of times they like to be mean by saying that trans person does bad sex stuff, especially with younger people, and they really like to do so when it isn't true!

But you weren't trying to be mean like that, were you? I think you were trying to be mean because you think sex is bad, and you think all the people on the big wide internet should go out of their way to hide it from younger people, so anyone who doesn't do that is one of the people you get to be mean to!

But here's the problem, sweetie: one of the things you have to learn to do on the internet is set your own boundaries. I know it's a big word, so I'll explain! "Setting boundaries" is when you decide what you're comfortable with, like sitting on a big, fluffy couch, or wearing a cozy sweater! It's also when you decide what you're not comfortable with, like stepping on an ouchy Lego or eating yucky vegetables :( Then, you do things to make sure you don't do the things you're not comfortable with! This means reading the labels on things, like the big bolded "warnings" section at the top of a story someone wrote and deciding whether you're a big kid enough to read it or not! If you're not sure, you can always show it to your mommy and ask her if it's okay. I can't set your boundaries for you. I can only set them for me, and I can only make people follow them in specific ways.

I don't want kids talking to me about stuff that has sex in it, even if I wrote it. I'm an adult, which is a kind of REALLY big kid, and it makes me uncomfortable. So when a kid like you talks to me about it, I use the "block" button to make sure it doesn't happen again! Sometimes, I even use it when someone on the internet is a meanie for no reason. It's a really good tool to help you set firm boundaries!

But I can't stop kids and mean people from reading stories I wrote. I just can't. Even if I write on them a label—like "minors dni", it doesn't stop them! That label only does something if a person reads it and decides to listen to it. And if I use that cool block button, that also doesn't stop them! So if I try to get ahead by reading the information people write about themselves and block them if I wouldn't be comfortable with them reading my story, it doesn't actually stop them from reading it! All it does is make it so they can't talk to me, and it's really easy to do things to talk to me anyway! Not only that, but lots of kids fib about how old they are so they seem cool and mature. Can you think of anyone who fibs about how many years they are? I bet you can. So I don't write a label telling people who can and can't read my stories, and I don't try to block them ahead of time.

The truth is, a lot of people think those labels need to exist to protect children! And I agree that little kids need protecting. But some of the older kids aren't quite REALLY big kids yet, and already learned about sex. I'm still not comfortable talking to them about it, but they also aren't seeing a new thing with my stories. There's actually no good reason to try to stop these older kids, either! It's much safer for big kids to build a healthy relationship with the idea of sex in an environment where other people can't hurt them.

But what about the younger kids who don't know yet? Those younger kids have parents who have the very big job of making sure they grow up safe and healthy! I wouldn't want to do that job. It's big and scary and hard. Luckily, it isn't my job! I don't have to do anything to help those kids grow up safe and healthy, because their parents have the responsibility of teaching them to set healthy boundaries with themselves and how they spend their time. It's a much bigger responsibility than picking up your toys! I can help with those responsibilities by making it really really obvious what's in the stories I share with people, so they know whether or not they might be uncomfortable reading it, and I do that! But when you're an adult, you have lots of big responsibilities, like "job" and even more chores, so I don't have time to help other people with their responsibilities! That's why I let parents do the important job of teaching all their kids about how to be safe on the internet.

I know it can be confusing and scary. I'm sorry if you needed to cry after learning about what sex or that other Big Kids already know about it. I won't tell anyone, I promise. And I'm really really sorry if your mommy and daddy scared you into thinking sex was a bad thing. It made you, and it's okay to enjoy it in healthy, appropriate ways with people who know what it means and consent! Sometimes, people who say they're Christian spread a lot of big hurtful ideas about things because they think it makes them good, and sometimes, we let those root way down deep like a dandelion! It looks pretty, but it's crowding out all the nice flowers that are also trying to grow. It'll be real hard when you try to pull it out, but you're a big kid, and I bet you're really strong! Grab it with both hands now and pull until the other good things can grow in your heart again, okay, sweetie?

[anti-transphobia]

There is such a huge difference in good faith identities and an unhealthy obsession with trying to label every aspect of your own existence. I just saw a flag and term coined under the asexual label about liking to hug people without experiencing sexual attraction. Not only weirdly implying that a majority of hugs are sexual, it's just....not good for you. To do this to yourself. I could psychoanalyze but given the specific example being done by one person I don't think it's appropriate to

This is such a huge problem in general though. People pathologize every aspect of existence, ie, "don't like loud noises? That's trauma/autism/etc". Those things COULD and often ARE symptoms of PTSD and autism but they're not a tell-tale sign by any means and a ton of people without them just find sudden loud noises annoying because it startles them. That's it. A real "not that deep" situation. Trying to find a way every part of existence is actually a disorder is not only spreading misinformation about these disorders, but is just SO bad for your understanding of self and others. To try to say every emotion, reaction, experience someone has is a disorder. It's not. It's just not. It feels like people being obsessed with putting things in boxes and having more labels to call themselves

And this isn't an "oh I saw a few TikTok screenshots and have decided to pretend it's an issue" situation. I've had to argue with people that things I experience have nothing to do with autism! Yes I am autistic and yes that does impact my life. But not everything is a symptom of it. I talked about how I don't like blueberries in anything. I like them fine on their own but when mixed in with breads like bagels or muffins I think it's gross. They tried to convince me it was an autism thing. "Texture issues are a common part of being autistic", they insisted. Yeah. I know. There's a lot of foods I can't eat because of it. I literally just don't like the taste of blueberries when they're mixed in with other things. I actually had to tell this person MULTIPLE TIMES to get them to stop that I'm well aware of sensory issues and autism but everyone has food preferences, even allistic people!

Idk guys but things are getting dire!!!! You're not allowed to exist in any capacity without people trying to put a label on it!!!!!!!

[tepehkwi]

Help. Some girl posted a stuff about trans girls nog being allowed to play bc ""hormonally and biology said they were stronger" (total bullshit) on her tiktok

and now I'm fighting with that girl and others. I told her that transphobia is rooted in colonialism, and I gave an example of two-spirit people and native Americans, and girlie said she was native American but she never heard of it. She asked "Which tribe uses that term" I answered "Oijbwe." I'm not listening to someone who takes the ideology of a culture that claims to not exist, or if you mention another tribe, girlie managed to say "But they made the women stay at home and the males go hunting".

I fucking can't with the transphobia and oh lord, idk what to say. I need to find more science arguments to win over that transphobe bitch (the girl in the video was white and the other she said she was native american so idk )

hi! i'm sorry this is kinda late. hope this answer can still help.

"science" arguments aren't necessarily going to "win over" anything, in my opinion. something everyone needs to understand is that most indigenous gender was understood as socially constructed, as role-based. unfortunately terfs/gcs and other reactionaries really don't care about that, they would rather use colonizer enlightenment era phrenology-esque bullshit to discredit indigenous knowledge, indigenous history, and the progressions/evolution of our traditions throughout history. especially when, as you mentioned, this transphobe is claiming that "see? ojibwe culture is still patriarchal" like unfortunately i just don't think that these people can really be reasoned with.

"two-spirit" was specifically intended to be pan-indigenous. and most comprehensive explainers talk about the coining of the term as a broad english-word umbrella under which ojibwe* labels like wiŋkte/wiŋkta, short for wiŋyankehca (*i also know the dakota/lakota use wiŋkte as well, or at least i know of dakota and lakota individuals who use it) and ikwekaazowag/ininiikaazowag can fall under

The term Two-Spirit originated in 1990 by Myra Laramee (Cree) at the Third Annual Inter-tribal Native American, First Nations, Gay and Lesbian American Conference in Winnipeg. It is a translation of “niizh manidoowag” or “two spirits” in the Anishinaabe language. (source)

but people like the woman you're describing in your ask are the kinds of people who aren't going to take this sort of thing seriously. they're going to disbelieve actual science, because they are committed to pseudoscience. i don't personally respect most of the social sciences but they are still more correct than pseudoscience about sex/sexuality and gender, and unfortunately people like this aren't going to believe anything that the social sciences put forth to discredit their pseudoscience arguments either. transphobes like her will use anyone serving as a disruption of their echo chamber to either point out or make up contradictions or other facts they can misconstrue as logical flaws.

and i could also go on about dealing with potential pretendians vs. people using their indigenous heritage as an excuse to 'speak for' us all... but at the end of the day, people like this MIGHT listen to reason if you're able to do a bit of digging? i'm afraid i'm not the best person to ask about where to source articles.

i also have really mixed feelings about people using twospirit (also other nonwestern cultural genders and/or intersex people) as a device for disproving transphobic arguments. twospirit is, despite being a combo of english words, a placeholder for concepts that are utterly un-translateable into english or any western idea. it has to do with gender and sexuality and sex, or all at once, or one more than others, etc... and the thing is, the history of third-gender or twospirit people who can't be categorized by colonial standards of sex/gender is mostly irrelevant to the argument that needs to be made and needs to be focused on, which is trans liberation.

even if transgender people were a recent phenomena, the point of this shouldn't be to find all these historical examples to prove legitimacy. i mean, i'm therian, earthgender, and a furry as well as being ndn. and therian and otherkin, noun-gender labels, and other stuff like this doesn't really have a ~robust history~ except in online communities. but we still exist. and we still deal with a lot of judgement. and my ~weird~ xenogender labels are still descriptors of a non-cisgender identity, i'm still a trans person through a western lens whether i identify outwardly with the centuries-old menôkênâwa ketti-onôkênâwa two-spirited concept belonging to my culture or as the 21st century inventions of earthgender and skygender. history is not end-all be-all, here.

the entire point is that gender variance is oppressed, and we who don't conform are in need of liberation, and we are demanding it now. on the basis of bodily autonomy and rights to self-determine one's own gender identity and sexuality, this is what needs to be argued more, in my opinion.

this might be a little too much ranting on my part but idk... like, sometimes trying to debate these people stokes their fire :(

[edelgarfield]

ugh one of the players in my game yesterday kept calling a character a "psychopath" and worse he was doing it in an attempt to comfort ME.

like it turns out my character's son is super amoral (he like. only does good stuff to make his mother proud but doesn't have any morals of his own)

and I/my character was understandably distressed over this & the player said "hey it's okay, sometimes people's kids are just psychopaths and it's not their fault."

and like. it's unfortunately still incredibly common to call people psychopaths, sociopaths, or narcissists on the internet. I hate. I think those words are constantly used by armchair psychologists with no qualifications to basically make Being An Abuser diagnosable when like. I would argue most abusers are just shitty, selfish people. And imo the constant association of those words with abusers makes it so that anyone struggling with any "bad" mental illness gets labeled an abuser. The big ones are ASPD & NPD obviously, but I think BPD often gets caught in the crossfire too, which especially hits close to home for me.

so anyway. I think this person meant the """clinical""" definition of psychopath, which imo, I don't think you should use unless you're a professional or reclaiming it for yourself. and furthermore, wouldn't even be accurate to describe this NPC, bc he clearly DOES care about and love mine.

the first time I just kinda ignored it & moved on bc like. I'm used to it & I really don't want to stop someone and explain ableism to people that, imo, should know better. like. maybe I'm being harsh and this is my chronic empathy affecting my viewpoint, but I feel like if you understand "some words have ableist connotations & we should be careful about using them" you should be able to make the next logical step that "perhaps i should examine these popsci internet buzzwords that are used to describe intrinsically Bad, Erratic, Evil people." and if you haven't made that connection on your own for some reason, I have no reason to believe you'll listen to me explaining it and I'm not going to stick my neck out and put myself in the line of fire "oh the crazy chick with BPD thinks it's okay to be a narcissist 🙄"

But then this guy says it AGAIN a few minutes later and I just. I was like. Okay this guy is ESL, maybe he doesn't know better. So I say as gently and diplomatically as possible "I feel like you shouldn't use that word."

And instead of like. Agreement or asking further questions I get. "Ehhhhhhhh 🤨" and after a couple seconds another player chimes in with "Well I think he's killed people."

And I just. "..........Okay. 😐 Anyway."

Like at the time, I thought they were objecting to my discomfort at calling ANYONE a psychopath. Writing it now I realize they probably thought I was objecting on the grounds that this specific character doesn't fit """the definition""" of a psychopath. which he doesnt. but also part of my problem with throwing those words around to pathologize abuse is now they're so watered down that they're practically meaningless. what's a psychopath? any violent white man apparently. which like, imo, also defers personal responsibility, it's not that we have a society that rewards and fosters white male violence, these specific individuals just have something intrinsically wrong with them.

and like. normally if I have a weird interaction in game people will reach out to me afterwards to check in but this time no one did, so I guess my objection didn't even flag on anyone's radar even though like. telling ANYONE that they shouldn't say ANYTHING, especially in a serious tone is BEYOND out of character for me. I NEVER put my foot down about ANYTHING.

and this whole interaction just supports my belief that Trying To Stick Up for "violent/manipulative/bad" mentally ill people like me is just a waste of breath because I can't be bothered to hold someone's hand and explain ableism is still bad even if it's against people you don't like. just waiting for the day that I tell a friend about my BPD and they suddenly realize they no longer have to listen to anything i say bc I'm manipulative.

anyway if you have ASPD or NPD you guys are great