#If she had time TRULY to herself. She'd blank so hard on ideas so hard.

[absensia-archived]

I’ll be working on refining and solidifying charlotte’s canon timeline when I come back as well as writing up her handful of verses!  As per usual,  her verses are very much meant to serve entirely different canons and narratives that simply cannot mesh with her canon lore and timeline,  and I don’t think I’ll be writing her in different parts of the timeline even once it’s set out,   ie.  having distinct verses for her within the established timeline and “writing backwards” in time,  so to speak.  plots and dynamics,  however,�� can certainly have their roots in any part of the timeline, but mainly,  charlotte exists in a perpetually developing present,  as always.  

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Lena doesn't see it coming. All she registers is a flash of bright light and a blaring car horn from beyond her drivers side window before her vision cuts to black.

When the world comes back into view, she's in her office. The lights are low and the night sky blankets the view outside the windows behind her desk. It's a familiar sight, and it immediately sets her at ease. Unlike in the daylight hours, the building is quiet, and she feels herself relax in the comfortable solitude.

Lena crosses the room to sit at her desk, curious to see what work awaits her. But when she settles in, she finds her outlook empty, and the papers sheafed in front of her completely blank.

"What on earth...?" she murmurs to herself.

Before she has a chance to investigate further, a knock at the door pulls her attention away from the bizarre state of her desk. She looks up and reactively breaks into a beaming smile.

"Jacky!"

Her friend's head pokes through the open doorway, eyebrows cocked mischievously. "A Luthor still at her desk in the wee hours," he comments, easing the rest of his body in the room. "Shocker."

"Oh, come off it," Lena retorts, still grinning. "You know better than anyone that running a business doesn't wait for sleep."

Jack smirks. "But it does for friends coming to visit."

With a laugh, Lena stands and comes around the desk to step into Jack's waiting outspread arms. They wrap around her in a fierce hug, squeezing her firmly until she sighs and rest her head against his shoulder.

"I've missed you," she says truthfully.

"You too," he returns, just as soft. "You have no idea."

When their embrace loosens, Lena cranes her neck to look at him. "I'm sorry I haven't reached out sooner."

"Oh, well," Jack scoffs comically, "you could make it up to me."

"I'm almost afraid to ask..."

"Come out with me tonight," he invites with a slight nudge, jostling her playfully. "You know-- hit up some clubs, find a rave, get a little crazy. Just like the good old days."

Lena lifts ane eyebrow. She'd be hard pressed to say they'd ever made it to a true rave, but she will admit that they'd visited more than a few clubs in their heyday. Dressed impeccably, Jack had always drawn eyes, and Lena had reveled in the fact that despite the attention, he'd only ever had eyes for her.

"Tempting," Lena allows. "But I can't."

Jack pouts. "Why not?"

"I have too much still to do."

Lena isn't quite exactly sure why she says that. Condsidering her desk is stacked with blank reports and haunted by an empty inbox. But it's no less true. Something ties her here, a pull in her belly that tells her she can't cut loose just yet.

Jack sighs. "You know you can't stay cooped up in this office forever, sweetheart. You've got to get out and live a little."

"I know," Lena acknowledges softly. "I do, I just..."

"You're scared." Jack gazes at her knowingly. "I understand that. And I know I played a part in that. But please, Lena-- don't let it keep you from truly living."

Lena nods. "I won't--"

She looks up to find Jack gone, vanished without a sound. Strange.

Moving back to her desk, Lena's interrupted by another knock. Pivoting, she sees a familiar looking but unknown woman standing just inside the door. Lena tilts her head, brow furrowing.

"Can I help you?"

Despite Lena never having seen her before, the woman seems at ease in the room around her, as though she's exactly where she needs to be.

"Actually," the woman returns, "I think I'm the one who can help you."

Ah. Not the first time she's heard this particular brand of sales pitch.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to scheduled an appointment to discuss--"

"I'm afraid we don't have time for that, love."

Alarm flashes through Lena, charging every nerve in her body. "Is that a threat?"

The woman's features widen. "Oh no! At least, not from me. I'm here for you, Lena."

Uncertainty pulses through Lena. "I don't understand what you mean."

The woman smiles kindly "I know."

Her eyes are so familiar, yet Lena can't recall having met her before. Her smile too puts Lena at ease despite the lingering confusion. She watches the woman gaze appraisingly around the room.

"This has become a home for you, hasn't it."

It doesn't sound quite like a question, but Lena finds herself nodding anyway. "I suppose it has."

Her visitor nods. Her eyes settle on Lena once more. Her eyes seem to glow, exuding a gentle warmth. "I'm glad for you, Lena. Truly I am."

"Thank you...?"

"It's rare to be able to find a home wherever you are. That you find it here, doing something you love, that you're passionate about... that's a special thing."

Lena watches her, sensing a but.

"But you can have more than one home."

A shrug lifts Lena's shoulder. "I guess I just haven't found the right one."

"Oh, honey," the woman croons, again sparking a jolt of beguiling familiarity. "You've always had one. Don't you remember?"

Lena blinks, and suddenly recognition hits home like a bolt of lightning.

"Mom?"

Elizabeth Walsh's smile deepens. Her hands extend towards Lena, and Lena takes them robotically, all higher brain function short circuiting.

She's died.

She's died and gone to... her office?

That's... sad.

"I've always been with you, Lena. You've carried me with you, whether you've known it or not. And I am so, so proud of you."

"But--"

"You've faced such hardships, yet kindness remains in your heart. The struggles you've conquered, the struggles yet to come..." Her mother tilts her head. "You've earned rest."

Lena can't deny the exhaustion in her bones, in her spirit. There are times she can hardly get out of bed for the weight of it, let alone force herself from the comfort of her office to face the world of unknown. If her mother has been with her all this time... her mother has seen, and understood.

"Are you ready to come home?"

The question takes Lena by surprise. She blinks, and though the ache of her fatigue tugs her towards her mother's waiting embrace, something resists the pull.

"I... I don't--" Lena frowns. "I don't think I am."

She's left something undone, she knows. But what? Her desk is empty, her office suddenly forlorn. But instead of looking disappointed, her mother smiles.

"Mom, I--"

"Hey!"

A bright voice swings Lena's head back towards the door once more. A tall woman, younger than her mother, strides in readily, showing none of the hesitation the past to visitors have.

"Kara? I--" Lena turns back to her mother, only to find empty space, her hands empty.

"Hey, you okay? Whats wrong?"

Kara's concern is evident in her gaze, and the way she steps towards Lena. Lena blinks, tears burning at her eyes.

"Are you dead too?"

"Dead? Of course not! I'm completely fine. And so are you. I promise."

Lena takes a ragged breath. She believes Kara. The fading memory of her mother feel less like an omen and more a comfort. A reassurance. And Kara wouldn't lie to her.

"Right," Lena affirms. "Of course. Sorry, I'm being silly."

Kara grins. "The great Lena Luthor being silly? Perish the thought."

Rolling her eyes affectionately, Lena smiles. "What brings you here so late anyway?"

"Uh, you, doofus. It's game night!"

When Lena stares at her blankly, Kara sighs. "You forgot again, didn't you?"

"Ummm..."

"Come on, Lena," Kara pleads. "Please. You deserve a break. And a good time. Amd trust me, I provide both."

Lena chuckles. "I don't doubt it."

Waggling her eyebrows, Kara slinks closer. "Soooooo... you'll come?"

It takes less time than Lena thinks it should, for her reticence to fall away. She feels her smile broaden.

"All right. Let's go."

Kara crows in triumph, quickly clasping Lena by the hand just in case she might change her mind. Lena allows herself to be drawn from her office, that warm locus of comfort and familiarity, and steps out into the light of the unknown.

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 2)

[Donnie x fem reader]

Sfw, part 1 here

Intellectually, Donnie was the best matchup for their leader as today was sparring day. He'd gone against his oldest brother many times, sometimes even coming out the victor himself, but today was just not his day.

He held his staff with that iron grip of his and waited for Leo to come at him. Donnie was more on the defensive than any of his brothers; he had to be. Out of all he was weakest physically but superior in calculations, but he was missing range in this matchup. Leo had a hard time disarming him as his katana could sometimes get lodged in the solid wood staff, giving Donnie leverage to perform the finisher in the short time it took him to dislodge his sword. He thought this time would be how that would happen.

"You're slow today, Donnie," Leo said as he lunged at his brother with a swing of his katana, forcing Donnie to step back. He was too focused on blocking Leo's rapid succession of attacks to respond.

Leo reeled back to swing his blade again but Donnie parried and struck his arm with his staff, shoving it aside. For a split second, Leo actually thought he was fixing to go down by this move if Donnie could hit him again quick enough. But his brother hesitated in thought, and without any reluctance himself, he used his other katana to put him in a compromising position. The match was over and Donnie was forced to stand down.

"Why did you hesitate?" Leo questioned him, lowering his blade. Raph watched from the sidelines with Mikey as they prepared to go up next. Since Leo was the winner, it was Raph's turn next to spar in his younger brother's place.

Donnie huffed and dropped his stance, putting his staff away. "It's just an off day," he replied. Splinter wasn't there to dictate today's training session and tournament, so Donnie was already on his way out to go to his lab by the time Raph stepped up to spar. But Leo sheathed his sword and put a hand on Donnie's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

"You've been pretty eager to run back to your lab lately," Leo said matter-of-factly. He was wondering what was going on, why Donnie seemed weirdly distant the last couple of weeks. He had gone through a very withdrawn phase in earlier times upon entering his teenage years, but now, he was legitimately making everyone guess. He didn't snap at his brothers, and he wasn't any more impatient than usual. But something was different. He'd been spending a lot more time holed up in his lab, which everyone began to notice. Leo wanted to know what was wrong.

Donnie shifted and shrugged, "Like I said, I've been busy with some projects. Also, it's not like I have much to do out here beside training and patrol."

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but Mikey jumped on between them. "You missed game night last week! You never miss it," he butted in. Both Donnie and Leo gave him a look as if to say really? and he added in, "Well, uh...not usually."

Gently moving Mikey aside, Leo wanted to continue, but he saw Donnie staring at him expecting a follow-up when he didn't really have one. Whatever this was, Leo knew that coming at Donnie with questions was not the way to go about it. So he stepped back and gave his brother some space.

"We all have off days," Leo said finally after an awkward moment of silence. "Just work on your speed, Don."

"Got it."

With that, Donnie turned to leave, and Raph entered the ring to go against Leo in the last match of the night.

Once Donnie was gone, Leo got ready to spar with Raph. As they got into position, he contemplated bringing this recent development up with the other two, but decided against it in the end. He didn't want to incriminate Donnie, especially with Raph's assertive approach to handling things. Donnie could be somewhat flighty at times when it came to resolving matters of emotion, at times a little too introspective, but Leo couldn't fault him—he had his own struggles with that very thing, too.

Done, finally, Donnie thought as he skirted into his lab and started up the game. He was late to the party quite literally; training lasted longer than he'd thought, and he was disappointed to see that his newest friend was online, but not responding to his invite. Did everyone get together and play without him? After a few minutes, he almost decided on giving up. The instance made him contemplate whether he even wanted to continue this. Perhaps he'd been too eager.

He sighed. And then the menu pinged, and he was there reading the message in an instant.

Hey, sorry I partied up without you, I just didn't know if you were gonna be on or not :/

Without even thinking, he licked his lips typed back, repeatedly deleting and retyping his message to make sure it was casual but not too casual, apologetic but not desperate—

It's okay, don't worry about it

Likewise sorry it took me so long to get here.

That would do. He'd be lying to say he wasn't feeling that flutter in his stomach; the excitement of something new got to him in a way that only a discovery in his research did, or how he felt when he mastered a new technique in his training.

Let's get started then :)

They started the game, and this time he kept the mic on, as she did. They talked back and forth as they fought creatures and enemies and looted things, eventually coming to learn that she herself was in New York City. He was surprised; suddenly, the world felt a lot smaller, and he couldn't concentrate on just playing after that. The time they spent became more of an opportunity to converse than to play a mundane game for hours on end.

At some point, she switched the topic to his whereabouts. Donnie's breath hitched.

"I'm...not anywhere near. So it doesn't really matter," he told her, cringing. If the guys found out—if Splinter found out—he would be in such trouble.

"Oh," she paused for a moment, trying to find something to say. "That's alright, I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me, you know?"

He'd muted his mic to release a deep breath. He got lost in thought thinking about how in that moment, he wanted to be human. If he weren't a giant mutant turtle, he could actually form a connection with someone. It was a very "Mikey" thing to think, he reckoned, but at times he wanted friends just like his brother did.

"Yeah, sorry, I just…"

"It's really no problem, dude."

He felt as though he could hear the smile in her voice. What did she look like, he wondered. He wanted to see her, but he couldn't ask for that when he could never do the same. If he could get her name, he'd be in the clear to do some preliminary lookups on this person, but so far, she'd been dodgy about sharing info about herself as well. He couldn't blame her. They were two strangers online, one with a huge secret and the other completely in the dark about who he truly was. For all she knew, he could have been a creep, looking to stalk her online and perhaps do even worse. The thought made him feel almost nauseous, how she could be considering that about him as a possibility as they spoke. But she seemed comfortable enough. Unlike him, who was still slightly skeptical of the entire thing, because after spending his whole life in practical isolation, he was at a loss as to what to say or do after a certain point. The conversation died off and both of them thought simultaneously about how weird the sudden silence between them felt.

She hummed, as if searching for something to bring up. When she spoke, he was taken aback—"Hey, I'm gonna be honest, I really like talking to you but this game is getting boring. Do you wanna chat somewhere else?"

"Uh…" he trailed off, mind shooting blanks. Oh, was it just a horrible idea. He couldn't keep the jig up forever; the truth was bound to get revealed somewhere down the line. He was fixing to reject the proposition, tell her that he didn't want to take it that far. She could be anyone. The likelihood of it being a clever ruse on account of the Foot Clan was slim, but the paranoia still worked ambiently in the background noise of his mind. But his other doubt stopped him—when would he ever have a chance at this again? He wanted to have the strength to say no and leave it at that. The loneliness that crept up on him from time to time had something else to say.

"Yeah," he answered after a terribly long pause of mumbling, fighting with himself all the way as she told him where to add her. He could have kicked himself had it not been for the fact that he knew how to encrypt data, and that as long as he didn't leak a word about his inner circle or life, it would be okay. It didn't feel okay, though.

"Nice! I'll text you, see you later, Bo. I had a lot of fun tonight," she chirped.

Before he could respond, she was gone from the party, and the mic went silent. It happened so fast. He was barely caught up with the fact that he was now receiving messages and prompts to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to answer right away. He had to refocus his logic; how could this be used by the enemy as a way to get to them? Could they have somehow anticipated he'd download this game and find this random on there? The more the thought about it, the more glaringly obvious it was that it was not the case. It was just too improbable.

"The probability of the Foot being able to simulate such a specific scenario in order to get intel on us is so slim, it is practically non-existent," he told himself as he finally pulled up the messages. He read through them. "Approximately a zero-point-zero-zero-zero..."

My name is (Y/N), by the way :)

Well, that was easier than expected. He figured that somehow, the name suited you—a fitting name for such a personality. But it also gave him a glimmer of hope. It made him want to ask why you appeared to trust him, as he could be anyone on the Earth over the screen, not his benevolent self. Which she had no way of proving, technically. But he soon came to realize the screen painted him in a whole new light that it casted on him. It hit then that he could be anyone. He didn't have to be himself; not necessarily. She'd never have to know, as he could wear a human mask and she'd be none the wiser. Problem was, the lying made him feel guilty, and slowly would develop to be the thorn in his side.

Donnie thoughtfully stared at the screen. Now that he was here, some of his anxiety began to fade. He found himself actually able to talk, someone to listen to his tangents and even build upon them. They spent hours texting back and forth about anything and everything until it was almost time for him to put the phone down to leave for patrol. He felt giddy, like a kid, all over again.

________________________________________

Had you ever been able to talk to someone this easily?

You asked yourself that question as you exchanged with the faceless and nameless stranger over your screen, chatting from afternoon to night. Time flew by in an instant, with him, and you loved every minute. He was someone intellectual, but funny and so easy to talk to that it was as though the conversation carried itself. After some time he came out about his age after you revealed yours. Oftentimes, he'd just present to you a random question when the subject tapered off and run with it, like now:

What do you think of reptiles?

Puzzled, you took a second to reply. Odd question.

Why do you ask? Do you have one?

I was just curious

What do you think of them?

The chat indicator flip-flopped between "typing" and "idle" a few times before a message finally popped up, and you smiled. You'd learned over this short time that he was a dork in a cute way.

Well...I think they're pretty cool.

They've got natural armor and you would be surprised to know just how fast a turtle can be

You laughed a little to yourself. It was such a random thing to bring up, yet you were endeared. Deciding you'd go along with it, you asked him what else he knew about turtles.

Well...

__________________________________________________

Donnie was wondering what he was talking about just as much as she probably was. Stupid, he thought, facepalming. His first time really speaking with a human as an equal and he starts talking about turtles. Of course he knew a lot about them, he was one himself—but for some reason he found himself wanting to dispel myths and misunderstandings about turtles as if they reflected on him, when as far as she knew, he was just a human guy like herself.

He groaned lightly and typed, thinking up a fact that wasn't too conspicuous.

Red eared sliders are semi-aquatic.

As he typed the next part, he caught himself writing "we" instead of "they", to his dismay. He quickly fixed the error and continued, feeling weirdly exposed as it was almost as though in sharing this information, he was putting himself under a microscope for her to inspect.

They can hold their breath for up to thirty minutes, usually

Holding his breath was something he'd tested numerous times before. He and his brothers had actually made a game out of it on a few occasions, with Leo leading at thirty-three minutes, Donnie in second at thirty-one. Raph broke at twenty-nine minutes and Mikey followed behind in last at just twenty-seven. The ability could be trained, nonetheless.

That's interesting, I wonder what it's like to be able to go underwater so long?

It's kind of cool, you should try sometime

For THIRTY MINUTES?

Shit. He promptly replied:

No—not like I can hold my breath that long, I just mean you should try to see sometime I guess

I tested it just for the fun of it.

Looking up how long humans could hold their breath on average (between thirty seconds and two minutes), he bumped the number up a little bit and added:

Personally, I'm at two minutes and forty-five seconds

He was embarrassed, partially covering his face as he waited for a response. Such a foolish slip-up; he couldn't afford to say anything cryptic. But he still was fairly sure that he had recovered that alright. He couldn't help but think about how awkward or weird he seemed to her. Who talked about this?

I don't think I could hold my breath for more than a minute, kudos to you haha

Anyway, sorry to switch gears all of a sudden but if you don't mind me asking, what's up with your family? You have any siblings?

He told her no. He would not bring his brothers into this, lest it be the slim chance of a ploy, after all. He said his family situation was unconventional and left it at that.

With that, he said to her goodnight and put his phone away, getting up to go get geared for patrol. It was only then he noticed the figure leaning against the doorway.

Chapter 3

[booksandlewks]

Intensity in Insmire | A Jurdan AU

Happy Holidays to my wonderful knife wife @starborn-faerie-queen!! I’m so lucky to have you as my friend and now snusband (we’re def married now) <3 I was so excited to see that I got to try and write something for you. I also have to thank everybody in the @jurdannet discord for helping me with my writer’s anxiety throughout, and @jurdannetrevels for hosting this secret santa event! 

So this was a prompt you didn’t ask for, but that I hope you will like. I thought of this right when I saw your name and have had a blast making it a reality. One of our first conversations in the discord was about none other than Lauren Layne, so I thought I’d give it my best go at making it Jurdan. I picked what I think of as the iconic scene in Passion on Park Avenue because Jude and Cardan literally define passion. You also put Nicaryn, so in my head when I wrote this they’re already dating and Jude just hasn’t noticed. 

"Be careful, you're going to drop that!" Jude said watching her twin throw down yet another box full of her merchandise.

 It was times like these that Jude wondered about her choice in friends. Not that she had so many choices in friends to begin with, something about her being "abrasive". People may not always appreciate her edges, but that edge is what landed her on the 30 under 30 list. She was grateful, if not confused, about her new-found friendships. While the ladies made for excellent company, and fellow schemers in action, a moving company they were not. Not that Jude would say a word against their help out loud. She was still so grateful to have her twin back in her life.

Jude would thank Locke for bringing them together, if she'd thought it was even remotely a part of his plan. Maybe she could thank him for dying, so that they could find each other in the park that fateful day. Not likely, she had better people to think on.

Nicasia kicked a box into the corner with the toe of her Louboutin heels, "You worry too much, they're not going to break because I didn't gingerly place every single one of your hundreds of boxes down."

"I'm not worried about you breaking an accessory," Jude said huffing as she moved to open the box Nicasia had kicked to prove a point. She held up the lipstick tube, twisting to expose the blade to prove her point. "I'm worried about one of my accessories breaking you."

"Oh, I like that," Taryn laughed, her eyes widening, "Can I borrow that for my next date?"

"Well, it is just a sample," Jude nodded her head to the truck parked outside her new building, "You can keep it if you help me unload the rest of the truck." 

"You drive a tough bargain, a days labor in exchange for one accessory?" Nicasia teased.

Jude put one hand to her heart and the other to her forehead dramatically, "Oh you're truly suffering going up and down the elevator while carrying small boxes."

"These boots were not exactly made for walking Jude," Nicasia said flicking her hair over her shoulder, and punctuating it with an all too casual check of her nails. Why she wouldn't just concede to putting her hair up was beyond frustrating to Jude. She wasn't sure if she hated or respected Nicasia's commitment to always looking perfect.

 "I mean I didn't get to where I was by giving things away for free, but I may have also ordered us pizza and tiramisu from the Italian place on Lexington Ave."

 "Ahh I knew you were my favorite twin!" Taryn said wrapping her arms around Jude and kissing her cheek with an exaggerated smack.

 "I'm your only twin, and you definitely did not know it."

 "The real question isn't why I can't move things in these heels, it's why you think I should be doing this in the first place," Nicasia said glancing speculatively.

 "Wait, yeah, aren't you meant to be rich now Jude?"

"Well, according to my accountant, approximately I am," Jude tilted her head and pretended to tally with her free hand, "filthy rich." She moved the box that had been hoisted on her hip onto the floor of what would be the main living area.

Jude wasn't insane, the larger items like the couch and industrial garment racks would be delivered by a moving company later. She just knew that she could handle the smaller boxes herself. She'd always survived by being self-sufficient, so she wasn't going to start changing what was working now. She'd moved herself into her first shoe box apartment, all her belongings compact and loaded into the back of her ancient little two door.

 "Then why on earth are we moving all of this by hand?" Taryn said turning to her sister, exasperated to see the determination gracing her twin's face. She hated that look, especially when it was on the face that was practically her own under all that stubbornness. "Nic, I need backup here, we're entering dangerously uncharted areas in stupidity. "

 "Jude, love, remember when we agreed to stop each other from entering another toxic relationship?" Nicasia said gently, her hands up as if coaxing a small animal.

 "No, I've blocked out the entirety of Locke's funeral out of a sense of self-preservation," she said voice and face purposefully blank.

 "Why stop there, why not erase him from your entire mind?" Taryn said a bitter edge to her words.  

 Jude laughed, "Me and my therapist are hard at work doing just that."

 "Well while you're working on that, have her work on the toxic relationship you've got with your stupid pride," Nicasia said checking her already perfect nails.

 "Wait, was all of that just the set up for the punchline to your dumb joke?"

 "Woah Tar, harsh words from the woman who asked for my backup in the first place." Nicasia pursed her lips clearly displeased that Taryn had not enjoyed her attempts at humor. "Maybe you should try being nicer to me considering that I have the power to save you from Jude's torture."

 Jude laughed as Taryn started to pester Nicasia to tell her what she meant. While they'd all become fast friends on the fateful day of the funeral, Jude couldn't help but feel that Nicasia and her twin had gotten closer over the summer. She supposed it had to do with the fact that they both had to worry about their reputations and what the fallout from Locke's infidelity would do to it.

That old wound started niggling at Jude again. She may not have been in an official New York society relationship with the man, but she'd had to mourn the loss too. She supposed it hadn't affected her societal standing, being Locke's dirty secret, but she hadn't gotten out unscathed. The bastard had known about her fears. She'd confided in him, about her mother's cheating and how she'd grown up not wanting to get attached for fear of ending up in a similarly messed up situation.

 He'd comforted her, talking about how cheating on somebody wasn't in her character. He'd spelled out what their story could be instead, spinning a story of comfort, safety in his arms, and safety in that future. It made Jude's skin crawl to think about now. How he could say all of this while cheating on her with Nicasia and Taryn, and using her to cheat on them. Some nights it actually made her physically ill. She was such a careful woman, and yet she'd never suspected.

 She wondered if lying to her was part of the game to him, it had to be. Jude thought about how she'd considered bridging the gap and calling Taryn to tell her that she'd met somebody. She'd been too scared to reopen that wound. At eighteen Jude walked away from the stifling role of being Madoc's daughter. She hadn't thought about what leaving Taryn behind to deal Madoc's only other eligible daughter would do. She left her behind for him to put all of his stupid high society rules and dreams into. She'd wondered about her twin over the years, but could never pick up the phone and just dial. What would things be like if she had? Thinking about it wouldn't change anything.

 During Jude's musings Taryn had moved into Nicasia's lap and was switching between pleading and apologizing. Her groveling was so over the top that a warm spot bloomed in Jude's chest while watching her. She had no idea how much she'd missed Taryn, and yet having her take up space in her apartment just felt right.

 "Okay, okay, fine!" Nicasia said standing up and taking Taryn with her. "I happen to have a friend through the New York royalty network, as you call it, and he lives in this very apartment complex."

 "Oh thank god, I love you Judie Bee Jones, but this is the worst."

 "Woah no, I never agreed to having anybody over," Jude said walking over to lock her door, "and wasn't the point of having you ladies around to avoid the assholes."

 "How can you call them an asshole when you don’t even know who it is?" Nicasia asked unlocking the door. Jude went to stop her, but Taryn simply took her face in her hands and pointed it towards the window where the open moving truck stood idle.

 "I promise he's good people, we grew up together," Nicasia said clearly forgetting that her and Jude had not exactly grown up as friends.

Jude did not have much of a chance to consider who might be coming to the rescue she did not need, as there was a knocking at the door.

The warmth she felt from being with her friends left her the second she opened the door and saw Cardan Greenbriar standing there. She'd never seen Cardan look anything less than impeccable, so she was even more furious to see him standing there looking like a Saks Fifth Avenue model from the catalog to help her move. A cable knit sweater, really, to move boxes. With an overcoat no less. No, no, this couldn't possibly be happening. Jude would rather move every single box one by one, than have Cardan Greenbriar help her.

What on earth could have even possessed him to try. She thought she'd made it clear when she'd damn near bitten his head off in her "entry interview" to the apartment complex. It wasn't her fault. Cardan had a particular way of getting under her skin, and the fact that he'd known her from her twin and had not even bothered to look at the application resting in his hand the entire interview had gotten her blood boiling. She'd never actually wanted to live in Elfhame.

The stupid application had been filled out for her and sent in by her mother ages ago. Eva Duarte had been so proud of Jude's success, it had never occurred to her that her mother had plans to use it as a statement. She'd miss her mother's mean streak, and wished she'd been around longer so Jude could understand this plan. Jude had been shocked to be called in for the interview to move into The Palace, and caught completely off guard to see Cardan on the day of the interview.  

 She must've released an actual snarl at seeing him darkening her new doorstep because Taryn and Nicasia pried her away from the door and invited him to come in. This was ridiculous ; she was not a rabid dog to be put in the corner. Although, she was considering biting Cardan.

 "And hello to you too Jude," Cardan said laughing as she struggled to break free of the grip of her friends, "Lovely as ever to see you."

"Why am I seeing you?" 

Cardan raised an eyebrow at that, "Not a very friendly greeting neighbor."

"I read over the paperwork your father sent over and it said that the building takes care of pests in the apartments."

 "Ha ha, very funny Jude," Cardan said stalking closer, "I do hope that's true, as I'd love to see them take you out of here."

 "Really, we're going to resort to I know you are but what am I?" Jude intoned, "On day one?"

 “Is this really our first day together, Judiebeet?"

 "Don't call me that!"

 "As much as I do love seeing you upset my sweet villain," he said trailing a finger over her cheeks, "I didn't come to pick a fight." Jude knew her cheeks had to be bright red, she always got flushed when she was mad. She hated that he had command over her, more than she appeared to have over her own body. Which only made her more upset when he called her that stupid name.

"Why did you come, I had demon summoning scheduled for later in the day," Jude said ignoring the looks Nicasia and Taryn were shooting her.

 "I was informed of a damsel in distress, and princely duties demanded that I come to your aid."

"Oh no, that's it," Jude turned on her friends glaring, and pointing at the door while practically shoving Cardan out, "Everybody out, I'll move them all myself."

 "Wait, but I brought champagne," Cardan said materializing a bottle from the inside of his coat. 

"Jude you can't kick the man out, he brought Dom," Taryn said pulling Cardan back into the apartment by his arm. Jude watched as he re-entered what was meant to be her space, unwilling to fight with Taryn.

"Fine, but if he's here he works," Jude said looking at Cardan as if to say 'unless you've got a problem with that.' The Cardan she knew would never deign to do a day's labor on his own. Always calling somebody his father employed to do things for him instead. So Jude was shocked when all he did was set the actually quite nice bottle on the counter, and gesture his hand towards the door with a look that said 'after you'.

Jude was not sure if she was pleased or pissed off when Cardan actually matched her for work ethic for the rest of moving. He eventually took off the coat, and the sweater, tossing them on the counter with his welcome gift. Jude wished he had not, as she'd been determined to carry more than him before that. She would have managed it too, if he had not rolled up his white dress shirt to the direct center of his forearm. Where it hugged just below his elbow as he worked.

She dropped one of her merchandise boxes when his arm brushed hers while reaching for another, shocked by the contact of his skin hot against her own. Furious with herself for the look that graced his face when she cursed and picked up the box, she decided to be less ambitious with how much she carried.

They had not actually had all that many boxes left. Which made it all the more traitorous that Nicasia had called in for help. As the work dwindled Nicasia and Taryn gave up the pretense of pretending to want to help move the boxes, and sat on the benches that were near the building's entrance. They sat close talking and laughing quietly at each others jokes. Jude could be funny too, but her humor was more dry and wicked. Just as Jude was sprinting to get the very last box, the pizza delivery driver had pulled up to the curb. 

Taryn had gone from commiserating with Nicasia, to giving Jude puppy eyes in 10 seconds flat. Jude laughed softly as she went to go pay the man. Her path was blocked by Cardan who'd made a beeline for the car as it pulled in, while she'd been distracted. If she hadn't been so focused on his damn arms she might have missed how he went to get his wallet from his back pocket. Hell no.

Jude stood one shot at having Taryn and Nicasia not mention her attitude since Cardan walked in, and that was to buy their silence. Nothing says be on my side like hot pizza and good dessert. Which is why she was going to pay for it. Cardan was already handing the man a crisp bill when Jude went to shift the box she'd been holding to under one arm. God, she hated him so much. She'd already missed out on getting to bond with her friends over how annoying moving was because of him, and now he was going to ruin their meal too?

He'd already ruined Jude's childhood, but she was an adult now, and he would not even get a single day from her. She grabbed the boxes of her food and walked to the elevator clicking the button for her floor and slamming on the door close button before he could follow. She walked into her apartment, and she would've locked Cardan out if it not for the fact she had to wait on Taryn and Nicasia to follow. If she had to face him again today, it was going to be on her terms and her rules.

 Jude moved to the boxes now all neatly lined up in what would be her living room. She scanned the barcode stickers on the top of the boxes, each item had been carefully cataloged so that she could be sure that she didn't lose anything important in the move. Downsides to owning and running a successful companies that sold accessories with a dangerous edge? There was so much inventory to keep track of.

 She found what she was looking for and swapped her sneakers for stilettos. She'd love to see Cardan try to look down on her when they were eye level. She'd give a new meaning to the term glaring daggers. She was perfectly capable of paying for a damn pizza.

The door of her apartment opened and Cardan strolled in, his arm around each of her friends. Jude let out a breath that his shirt had been set back to normal, although she was not sure if she was relieved.

 "Really, my own twin?" she said putting a hand on her hip and looking at Taryn who moved, hands up, to sit on the counter top.

"Jude, he got us pizza, please be reasonable," Taryn said in a placatory tone.

 "I got you pizza, this interloper just stole it because pizza is joy, and he can't let me have it."

"You need to stop, you're hangry and turning into rude Jude," Nicasia teased using the family nickname she knew Jude hated. That was just low, she'd revealed that in a 2 A.M. group chat. Which every woman knows means it’s classified information.

 She was being rude, she knew, but well...frankly he started it. Years ago, but she was a petty elephant and would not forget.

 "Fine, have a slice of pizza and then get the fuck out."

When Nicasia and Taryn turned their looks at her, Jude just blinked her eyes slowly a few times. She had never claimed to be a saint. 

"Can I at least get a drink before you kick me out on my ass?" Cardan asked the corner of his mouth upturned.

"Nope, sorry," Jude started and feeling her friends angry stares added, "I just moved in, and I haven't stocked the fridge yet."

"Well, then it's lucky for us my friend was kind enough to drop in to christen the home with champagne," Nicasia said as she made remove the muselet. Jude watched her carefully grip the wire as she twisted it off with effortless ease, and admired her friends grace. Jude would've likely embarrassed herself biting at it. She'd been served champagne at events, but it always came in a glass if she was honest.

 With the sound of the popping cork her control of the apartment got further away from her. She watched as the three of them opened cupboards and looked at an empty counter top as if expecting glassware to simply appear. Jude knew she could easily scan the boxes and find her glassware, but business had taught her to spot an opportunity.  

 "Oh darn, it seems like we can't get you that drink after all."

 "Yes, you seem very forlorn about it," Cardan said shaking his head at her, amusement in those dark eyes. 

Jude gave him a mock apologetic shrug of her shoulders, lips pulled to one side of her mouth. The amusement in his eyes turned to challenge. Unbeknownst to Jude, Cardan's newest hobby was complicated jigsaw puzzles. He had needed something to do while being able to keep an eye on his father, and he found that once he started he just couldn't resist figuring out how the pieces fit together. She'd just presented him with his newest game, and he was going to figure out her pieces.

"Don't worry my darling, like I said we're neighbors now," smiling when Jude scowled at the pet name, "I can just head to my place, and get us some glasses."

It was clear that he'd gotten under Jude's skin when she stalked towards Nicasia and took the bottle from her, and into her own hands. Nicasia just looked at Taryn, and whatever that look meant Taryn must have understood. She moved to the edge of the counter top and invited Nicasia into the circle of her legs, resting her chin on her the top of the other woman’s head.

"How very unfortunate for high-born little princes like you, that you can only sip champagne from the finest of glasses."

She looked right into his eyes as she began glugging the expensive bubbly from the bottle and drinking it like watered down beer. She raised an eyebrow at him as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I do hope I haven't offended you Cardan," she said snarling out his name as if it was foul, "I'd hate to scare you off from ever visiting again."

"Not at all, I'm quite charmed by your lovely manners," he said walking over to where she stood by Nicasia. "Do not expect others to share my depraved tastes," he said taking the bottle from Jude's firm grip and drinking directly while their gazes stayed locked in a battle of wills.

 "Nic, you feel like we're interrupting something here?" Taryn said from where she sat inches away. It shocked Jude out of her stupor, and her sister hopped off the counter as Jude made to reach for her. She was suddenly stricken, it was all fine and well to hurt Cardan, but she wouldn't lose Taryn again. Not when she just got her back.

"Ugh I thought you'd never ask, this is all too straight for me," Nicasia said taking Taryn's hand and making for the door.

"Wait guys, don't go--"

 "Nope, text us when you're ready to act like a person again," Nicasia said laughing as the door shut behind their quickly retreating figures.  

 "Way to go, you scared them off with your stupid smoldering thing."

 "Jude, I think you'll find I'm not the one in the wrong here, although I am delighted to hear you think I smolder," Cardan said backing away from her.

"I meant that stupid staring," she started but trailed off when she noted his smug face.

 "Jude, all I've done today is bring you a housewarming gift and offer help at my friends request."

Jude opened her mouth to protest about the pizza slight, but stopped as she'd realized she'd just dig herself into a deeper hole. All he'd really done was cover her food for her and her friends. Was it possible that her childhood tormentor really had come here without the intent of torturing her. She'd been too caught up in trying to catch his next move, that it hadn't occurred to her. He’d clearly taken her silence to mean something else, because he went to gather his coat and sweater.

"Look, it's clear you don't want me here and I'm not actually trying to hold you hostage in your own apartment."

Jude's pride stopped her from correcting him. She'd been working so hard to get him to leave, that she couldn't exactly walk back her position now. She wanted to though, she wanted to grab him by those rather toned arms and hold him in place. To explain herself or make him explain himself, she wasn't sure. Instead she nodded her agreement, and silently watched him leave. She watched as he walked down the hall, opening and then closing his door. Only then did she finally unfreeze from her doorway and shut her own door.

She sat for about 30 minutes just trying to process all that had just happened. She was not sure when she'd become the villain in this story, but she didn't enjoy the feeling. He was the bully, not her. If his actions today were to be trusted, maybe not even him any longer. Jude stood up suddenly confident in her movements as she scanned the boxes searching for her glasses. She hadn't actually moved everything today, so all she was able to find was some coffee mugs. She looked down at her "I Rule" coffee cup, it'd have to do.

Jude went to where the remains of the bottle was left on the counter, and poured it into the cup. She wouldn't apologize, as she was not truly sorry. Even if he was not the menace he used to be, one day of rudeness was the least of what he'd deserved. She did however write what she'd call her concession. She'd apologized for the coffee mug. The note told him that while her fine Waterford Crystals were still in storage, it should taste just as good coming out of a mug. Jude left the note under the cup, and knocked on his door before leaving.

[danse--macabre]

Here's the irony: despite saying that she's only out for herself and repeatedly asserting her independence, Tirazel has only:

1. lived at home under the control of her father, where for years she did try VERY HARD to be the toxic noble socialite who had the whole room under her spell - until it became clear what he wanted was for her to get married to nobleman and pump out some babies, which she abhored

2. previously been in an abusive relationship where her magical knowledge and abilities were used to serve an undead warlock for several years

3. spent snatches of time - no more than 6 months at a time, because that's how much her father would allow - in a wizard enclave studying under a tutor with several appretices, and would attempt to outcompete them by trying to be the closest to her tutor. This dynamic was not always healthy and her tutor did not always assert boundaries when they should have.

Tirazel has NO IDEA how to live for herself! Tirazel has never HAD any ambitions that weren't about other people. They have been, in order, 1. Please my father 2. Run from my father 3. Please my abusive ex 4. Seek forgiveness from my father 5. Please my tutor 6. Kill my father. The only thing she has ever truly sought of her own volition is this idea of magical power, but she's only ever used it for others - to please her ex/her tutor, to kill her father and win her freedom (which is also about pleasing her tutor on some level).

If Astarion asked her, sincerely, what she'd like to do with magic for HERSELF, I think she'd blank. If you asked her, sincerely, why she wants to live forever, she'd give you some nebulous answer about power and unlimited possibilities but she has no idea what those possibilities ARE.

She's a people pleaser. It's just the people she has been attempting to please are so horrible and power-hungry that she has been performatively mean and bitchy for years.

If Astarion ever sat her down and told her to stop looking for a cure or a way to walk in the sun, that it isn't really what he wants her to dedicate her life to, that he can find a way to liv with what he is... I think Tirazel would break down a little. What do you mean, she isn't useful. She has to be useful. If he doesn't NEED her, why would he keep her around?

At the end of the day she's a precocious child, for better or ill.

Something I think about with Tirazel/Astarion is the fact that Tirazel will likely dedicate much of the rest of her life to understanding vampirism and vampiric natures in order to help him live the easiest life possible and negate the worst effects. And how, yes, this is deeply noble, but this creates a strange sort of imbalance where the little rich girl with the right books and determination verging on obstinance when it comes to studying ends up knowing more about vampires than the vampire spawn. How in a way, in her attempts to be The Most Helpful, Tirazel ends up leading the hunt for a way to walk in the sun again, even though it is not her burden to bear, even though it is not something he'll look for of his own volition. Time and time again she has to be his saviour. Does that rankle at all? Yes. Can Astarion feel he can raise this to her? Yes... but. There's a but.

[arianahollowrp]

It was hard to feel anything other than guilt and utter disgust. But, when she didn't feel those things, she felt numb. Ellie spent the next few weeks oscillating between sleeping and staring off into oblivion until she was tired enough to sleep again. She didn't eat much, though Jack tried his best to get something into her system. A few crackers, some water, and on a good day maybe even a sports drink. She hardly ever spoke and rarely did she look in his general direction. He pushed, but she never relented. She'd completely closed herself off to the one person left trying to help her. It felt like she'd built a brick wall between them again. This time much sturdier and higher than the last one he'd finished tearing down.

The day the earth exploded started like any other Sunday afternoon. She woke up about an hour before Jack confronted her and sat up on the couch. Her mind was terribly blank as she stared down at her nails. She'd begun biting them again, but there wasn't much left to chew on now. Even so, she nibbled on the dead skin at the edges of her nails and seemed startled when she heard her boyfriend's voice. It didn't sound like him. There was no warmth in his voice. No trace of the man she claimed to love. Love so much that she'd destroyed him and herself. Utterly. Completely. His words, although they registered, didn't make sense. Her brow furrowed and glassy hues turned towards him. They stared at his socked feet in confusion. "What?" Her voice was empty, devoid of emotion.

There was no way he knew what actually happened at the concert. Sure, he had his assumptions and guesses, but she'd never told him. She never had the guts or integrity to do as much. So his claim made her think that he was going to push his assumption. It seemed like he was trying to get her to admit to the "assault." To finally tell him her horror story. To lay it out for him so he could urge her to go to the police. She shook her head: a tiny movement back and forth as her eyes returned to her bleeding fingers. She'd bit too much off again. "I don't want to talk about it," her voice seemed tired now. Maybe a bit annoyed. Definitely exasperated. How many times would she have to tell him that before he left it alone? Just keep assuming, Jack. It's better for the both of us. She thought bitterly.

Ellie hadn't touched her phone or laptop in the three weeks since the concert. She hadn't had the presence of mind to really care. There wasn't anything for her online. No escape to help her cope. No one she cared to talk to. She hadn't even spoken to her own mother in months at this point. So, she had no idea what was going on outside of her miserable little bubble. No clue that she'd been exposed. No inkling that Jack truly did know what had happened that night.

arianahollowrp​:

Ellie didn’t notice Jack had walked inside. She hadn’t acknowledged his presence until he reached out to touch her hand. She yanked it back as if it had burned her and cried harder. She didn’t want to be comforted. She wanted to be cold. She wanted to look as terrible as she felt on the inside. She wanted her skin to freeze and fall off her bones. She wanted to absolutely disintegrate into nothing. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” she lamented. Her head shook from side to side as she repeated that over and over again. Where “here” was she didn’t say exactly. Maybe she meant she didn’t want to be in that mental state anymore. Maybe she didn’t want to be with Jack anymore. Maybe she didn’t want to be in the tub anymore. It was hard to decipher what she meant and she was the one that said those words. All she knew for certain was she was telling the truth. She didn’t want to be there anymore. Wherever that was.

The water went from ice cold to lukewarm and then hot. Too hot for her liking. Heat meant warmth and comfort. She didn’t want to feel comfortable. She reached out and stubbornly turned the knob back to cold again. Her breath caught in her throat as the water splashed over her already sodden clothes and hair again. Eventually her breathing had returned to a somewhat normal state. Her sobs slowed as well, but she still refused to look at him or let him touch her. Every time he tried she jerked out of his grasp and cried harder. It was no wonder he thought the worse and she was too selfish to tell him the truth. No, she couldn’t handle seeing the betrayal on his face.

The shower was no longer needed. Her shaking fingers reached out and turned the tap off leaving the bathroom deafeningly quiet save for her own sniffles and sobs. She didn’t ask for a towel nor did she reach for one right away. She let the chill sink into her bones until she couldn’t physically stand it anymore. Then her pale, frozen fingers grabbed one to dry and warm her hands. He was looking at her expectantly. Wanting so badly to know what had happened to cause her to act like this. She knew that. She knew he knew that. It was the elephant in the room she was vowing to never speak about.

“I can’t,” she finally said. “Please don’t make me.” Ellie knew she was laying it on thick. She knew that all she had to do was keep making him think he was making the right assumption. That something had happened at that concert. That she’d been hurt. That someone had hurt her. She could let him think all those things and she’d never have to tell him the truth. She’d be lying by omission, but… Well, she’d deal with that heartbreak another day. It only helped that she couldn’t stand to be touched by him. Letting him think that maybe that was a side-effect of her…trauma. Victims often couldn’t stand simple physical intimacy after being assaulted.

Elizabeth knew all this. And she used it to her advantage to keep her dirty little secret. No matter who it hurt in the end.

That night, Jack ended up sitting by the bathtub with her for about an hour. Trying to talk her down. Trying to get through to her. Pushing too hard, maybe. Hell, he didn’t know anymore. He wasn’t getting anything out of her, she wouldn’t tell him what happened but from all her crying, he had to infer that she’d been hurt. Assaulted, maybe even raped. Whatever it was, it was too horrific for her to talk about and he couldn’t exactly hold it against her. It was just the feeling of utter, absolute helplessness that ate away at him as she sat there crying, wallowing in her own misery. Distraught. 

During the weeks that followed, his guilt was soul-crushing. He knew on some level that it wasn’t his fault, but the thought that him sending her to that concert by herself could have indirectly set in motion her assault was impossible to bear. He tried to make it up to her. To be patient with her, to understand that she wasn’t ready to talk about it. Maybe she blamed him, too. Maybe she was angry. She seemed to be, she was colder than usual. Even more distant than she had been before. They had been doing so well for a while, but now…now she was a million miles away. A brick wall was between them yet again. 

They were about three weeks into the slow-burn of their relationship when Jack found the video. The security camera footage wasn’t the best quality but it was clear enough to make out Ellie’s face as she was getting pummeled by one of the band members in the bathroom. A scroll to the comments revealed that it was Rusty, the lead singer of the band, who was giving it to his girlfriend. Jack  didn’t know what to think. What to feel. As he sat there alone in the room, watching the video on his laptop, he felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He didn’t know what was worse. The fact that she did it, or the fact that he almost wasn’t surprised. 

The distance, the disinterest, the avoidance…it all made sense now. She was cheating on him. It probably wasn’t the first time either, if he was being perfectly honest to himself. All this time, she’d allowed him to walk around, thinking she’d been assaulted when in reality…this is what really happened. She could say whatever she wanted about the video, but it definitely wasn’t an assault. This was her. This was what she wanted, Ellie’s true desires, laid out bare for not only him but the whole world to see. It wasn’t him. Maybe it never was. Maybe he’d been fooling himself into thinking they could work it out. It was as though he’d been viewing her through rose-tinted glasses but in that moment, everything turned grey. 

He clicked out of the window, forcing down the sour bile in the back of his throat as he closed his laptop and put it aside. Part of him felt like screaming. Crying. Breaking things. But most of all, he felt numb. Numb to Ellie’s destruction. He realized now, that he was no different from Ellie in that way. Just like her, he’d been avoiding his problems and escaping into a fantasy. But it was time to wake up now. He got up from the bed in a daze, his feet carrying him into the living room, where Ellie was sitting on the couch a million miles away from him. “Ellie”, he said her name, his voice dry and lacking the same tenderness it usually held for her. He waited for her to turn and look at him - not in his eye of course, when was she ever able to face him? That was when he told her: “I know what happened at the concert.”