#If We Were Penguins

[quelleknowssome]

If We Were Penguins

My Costar told me to send my friend a rock in the mail with no note. So I did. As somebody born in 2002 my life has no direction, so I choose to take hints from the Apps that control me and the ever-screaming stars. (Stars make sounds, you know). I sent them a rock...emoji. If we were penguins this would count as a proposal. I told them so, because I thought they ought to know. They said they would find me all the prettiest pebbles to make me a summoning circle.

It makes me wonder if maybe penguins have gods or demons or higher powers. If they could, who would they summon? I imagine probably an old eldritch being like Cthulhu.

It would go something like this:

The penguins would arrange their summoning circles and do an elaborate series of chirps and whistles (I think those are penguin noises) and a sliding routine. This may be ritualistic, or it may be for entertainment- I do not know the minds of penguins. Up out of the ice, in a terrible show of thunder and lightning and some very menacing swirly clouds would crash Cthulhu. Cthulhu, despite being powerful, wise and an ancient, unknowable horror would undoubtedly be confused. Cthulhu also does not know the minds of penguins. They obviously want something, because nobody does all that just for fun. It is my personal theory that the penguins would ask for two (2) things. The first is the elimination of seals, known predators of the penguin. The second of course is unlimited fish, as penguins seem to be quite fond of them.

Cthulhu, I suspect, would find nothing wrong with this and would of course grant them their wishes. It will be his mistake to let them off without payment. Penguins are secretly very evil, I suspect, and would use the things they’ve been granted freely in combination with their unchecked cuteness and establish themselves as evil overlords. Or maybe just a dominant species. I of course do not know the agendas of penguins. I do not venture to say Cthulhu wouldn’t know how to squash all of penguin kind and end their rebellion, but I do venture to say he wouldn’t because I get the feeling he thrives on chaos and the penguins don’t truly affect him. But I don’t know the reach of penguins.

If we were penguins, I would build a beautiful penguin mansion out of pebbles to catch the eye of the elusive and loveless Antarctic scientist. I would rather summon scientists than Cthulhu, only because I think they need a little joy in their lives and if they truly are looking out for the greater good, I should like very much to keep as many of them alive and operable as possible.

[kensatou]

what if we were teammates of 19 years who said things like "i remember watching you play in latvia, thinking how lucky i was that i was going to be your teammate" and "sid saved me" and "only for pittsburgh, always with sid" and "i just always liked him from the start. always have. always will"... and we were both boys

(and what if sports reporters wrote alpha/alpha romance about us. what then.)

[savagegood]

after my friends expressed horror watching professional hockey player nathan mackinnon spray suncreen straight in the face, i'm actually curious...

[flowersforfrancis]

[maljic]

this guy always stops shaving in march and i dont think he gets roasted for it enough

[moxtoons]

Have you seen the new Batman tv show Batman the caped crusader? Thoughts?

I just started it and haven't been able to fully catch up yet, but DAMN I am loving it, and this lovely lady stole the show for me instantly ⬇️

The animation and the story and the overall feel of it takes me back to what I loved most about BTAS, but it's also new and unique. The updates to different characters like Penguin and Harley are fun and I love it! there are also some fun call-backs to keep the nostalgia factor while also still giving us something new! I can't wait to see more and see where it leads. This really is a massive W for BTAS fans in my opinion.

[girlfriendline]

pens @ habs || 13.12.23

[milkymooshi]

Completely enamored with Gotham’s Riddler and Penguin bc it’s just two disaster queers who discovered the clearance section of H&M at your local small town mall and just bought everything in sight and hoped for the best

[mwolf0epsilon]

After Order 66, hundreds of clones were either left to rot in the clutches of the Empire, or simply faded from memory after escaping to the uncharted depths of the Unknown Regions. Living the rest of their lives in the confines of a cell, or constantly looking over their shoulders. There were a lucky handful that got to live regular lives however. Such is the case of Sponge and the family unit they stitched together from the wreckage of a war that had given them nothing but grief. It seems the Force really does work in mysterious ways.

At long last I can finally share with you my submission for the @cloneoczine, which unfortunately did not pan out the way we all hoped for due to unforeseen circumstances. Either way, a lot of really impressive pieces came out of this collaborative project, and I am very excited to be able to share what everyone else made!

This is also my first proper drawing of all of the Spongelings! Cameo appearances also include @lost-on-kamino's clone medic (Pitch) and scuba trooper (Penguin) who are a part of Sponge's family unit on Epifania, so they deserved to be a part of this clone beach picnic party (which uh, is about to become a whole lot more interesting once those gullmingos get to Lich...).

[andradrawsstuff]

Kitka but she actually looks like a peregrine falcon???

Some thoughts on her below 👇

Honestly, I kinda wish they did more with her character rather than her whole purpose being to exist as Skipper’s girlfriend for one episode 💀

Like she could have been a rlly cool character that helps the guys out here and there, especially with aerial surveillance - what if she would patrol the zoo and be like an air force pilot to mirror the penguins navy group? That would have been so neat since the episodes are so military-oriented

And even tho they broke up she could have at least still been friends with Skipper, they got along lmao

Or her and Marlene could have become friends or smth, that poor otter is the only girl in the zoo (apart from Becky and Stacey but still, gurl needs a bestie)

At this point I’m just gonna create my own cannon lmao

[club-prideguin]

club penguin yaoi you will always be famous

[quelleknowssome]

The Holy Sacrament of Squirrels

I need to leave the topic of animals, religion, and sacrament alone. I have decided, however, not to because I simply do not want to. I find this sufficient grounds to fuck up theology because fucking up theology is fun.

“But Quelle,” you say to me just now reading this, “that’s disrespectful.”

To which I say: no.

I’m gay, theology disrespected me first.

Shut up.

Next point.

In keeping with Catholic tradition, Catholics still manage to think that the priest preforms a magic trick that turns bread into Jesus and wine also into Jesus. It isn’t metaphorical, oddly enough, and they truly believe the thing they’ve consumed genuinely is Jesus. Why the Catholic church would promote cannibalism so openly I cannot possibly imagine. Even that is beyond my comprehension. After all, I cannot know the minds of Catholics.

In keeping with Catholic tradition, the eucharist is administered to the congregation, and the leftovers are put in a little holy breadbox named after the Jewish Tabernacle, which seems odd to me because Catholicism is a far from Judaism as one can get while still participating in a religion that branches and has its history in Judaism. I digress.

The box is holy but not magic and at some point the leftover eucharist gets stale (the bread not the wine, the wine is drunk all at once and the priests get tipsy For God). In keeping with Catholic tradition, the eucharist is treated as Christ himself and is placed directly into the ground instead of thrown away. Because dirt naps are so good, they have the Christ seal of approval.

This of course prompted a thought.

This of course prompted a thought that -were I Catholic- I may be excommunicated for.

A thought regarding squirrels, the eucharist, and perhaps even going to heaven.

Suppose for a moment squirrels exist. Suppose for a moment the Catholic church is a thriving establishment in the United States today. Suppose for a moment those two things are happening at the exact same time within mere feet of each other, by some miracle of science, magic, or statistics.

Some day, some very average squirrel who happens (by some miracle of science, magic, or statistics) to live by an operating Catholic church, is burying snacks, as squirrels so often do. At some point, this squirrel must come across the burial site of the Christ in his airy, wafer form and – not being informed on Catholic lore- is likely to determine it is a passable snack. The squirrel will no doubt partake immediately, and as a result, be suddenly more virtuous. Perhaps he will reprimand himself for having been so gluttonous and resolve to be more pious and giving.

The question then becomes “what could a squirrel possibly do with all that virtue?”

I suppose the question you must be asking is more along the lines of:

“Quelle, where is this going and why should I care?”

The answer, detested reader, is that I don’t know, and you probably shouldn’t. The other question on your mind is:

“Quelle, how do you proceed without resorting to blasphemy?”

And it is a question I admire. While I find I would be rather unaffected by blaspheming, it wouldn’t feel good to be so disrespectful that it has its own separate word. Everyone (including me) has their limits, you know. I suppose, out of respect for your concern, I ought to carefully walk the line. So I will.

Where do we go? With the squirrel, of course, who out of the kindness of his tiny, rapidly beating heart has begun sharing food with squirrels who suffer from food insecurity. Perhaps, knowing the approximate location of the buried church treats, this squirrel has been kind enough to share with other squirrels and administer the eucharist to his own congregation of squirrel Catholics.

Regardless of whether it is administered properly or if the squirrel is ordained (he is not), I think the spirit of his action and genuine growth of his character would be honored. When he sadly gets hit by a car three weeks later, we stop writing this piece because deciding whether or not squirrels have souls is outside my jurisdiction.

[kensatou]

have some couth babygirl

[riddle-man]

[slingbats]

its like people think if you call a fictional character cute it means you forgot that they're an adult with agency within their stories who makes morally bankrupt decisions

you guys are enjoying this one too much

[thetangibleghost]

Core memory for me is one time on club penguin I meet a guy and we dueled in the dojo for like Hours. We were a perfect match like I'd win some he'd win some. We played so long that when I accidentally clicked out of the game the room that had been almost empty before was so crowded that it glitched the server and all I saw before I got kicked was him futally saying a shortened version of my username from deep in the crowd. I couldn't even go back in the server cause it was full. Literally still sends a shiver down my spine. I have dreams of making a viral tiktok and finding him one day. Idk what we'd do. Maybe a winter wedding.