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[seapandora]

Illusion Part 2

Illusion｜Part 2/?

Bucky x oc!Lori

Warnings: Angst, betrayal, swearing, torture, (suicide is mentioned once), violence

A/N: So here´s a very late part 2. I´ve decided to put the total number of chapters as a question mark for now seeing as I don´t think I have the potential to post chapters that are 10k. I just don’t have the time or backstrength to revise 10k words in one go. So there will be more and shorter chapters instead. I hope you guys like it! Don’t forget to check out part 1! And share/comment/like if you enjoyed! GIF-cred to owner! Oh, and I'm doing tag lists now! Send me a message if you want to be on it! Chapters 3, 4, and 5 should be up soon at least, I'm currently on a bit of a break, but once I'm back I'll have more time to revise and write!

Summary: Reader is a supersoldier, one of a number, one of nine. Hydra´s backup for the asset. The group was started in 1974 and has been working under the radar, training for the day when the asset no longer exists. Y/N is the only one left. Left in a cryo, she wasn’t discovered until 2023 when a certain captain and his buddy found her.

Words: 6077

Taglist: @selfsun​

2024

Four weeks had passed since Lori arrived at the compound from Wakanda. It had been three months, more or less, since she was thawed out from her cryo-sleep. She felt more at home in the compound and she felt more comfortable with the rest of the team. It was now October. Autumn had brought clouds, and rain. The world was silent and didn’t have much need for the Avengers at the time. Lori had been wih the team on two missions so far. Neither was very dangerous. They hadn´t faced any serious enemies, and she had yet to fire her weapon at an enemy.

It had been made clear that she worked well with the team. Bucky and her were synchronized on a different level, and she worked well with Sam as well. The two could joke around and have fun on the missions, without it distracting them. Lori had also begun to talk more with Bucky, but she was still set on calling him James. They would have all meals of the day together, unless Bucky was away on a mission. And if he was Lori would eat on her own. The other agents working with them had big issues with yet another super-soldier. Someone who had worked for Hydra. They didn’t want a redo of what had happened with Shield.

Lori could understand them. She had spent countless evenings reading up on the Avengers,  and anything involved with them. She had started as far back as Steve and Buckys time in the army. She adored the man Bucky had been back then. She adored how willing he was to follow his captain, even give his life for him. She could see a shadow of that man still in him. But years of punishment and pain from Hydra had changed him.

Next she had researched Shield. She had found out about Peggy Carter and the Starks. Of course she knew of the Starks. She had been set to step in, should Bucky fail to take their lives.  He had been successful, as the whole world knew, and Lori had been kept secret from the world. The day after Christmas the same year she had ben put in the cryostasis chamber and forgotten. Her reasearch had taken her through the 90´s and early 2000´s. She had read files on all the former Avengers during the timeperiod and had asked Sam and Bucky to fill in where the files didn’t have answers.

Lori avoided tabloids and articles surrounding Shield, Hydra and the Avengers. She preferred facts over debates. Her days were spent in the filing rooms where she could find information. Sam and Bucky often tried to drag her out of the room, for runs or an hour in the gym. Sam didn’t always like running with Bucky and Lori, but he appreciated when they altered their pace to adjust for him. That way he didn’t feel like he was always left behind.  

Lori had become a very good friend to Sam. He trusted her, and she was hardworking. Something he appreciated. She was also good with him, and Bucky, joking around a lot. They could be harsh with each other, but Lori didn’t seem to bother, or be too concerned about their joking. She had joined in a few times anyways. Lori liked the banter and joking. The relationship she had with the two men was so open and she felt happy around them. Happiness, that was an interesting feeling. It had been long since she felt happy and it had scared her in the beginning, but not anymore.

It had been a slow afternoon as Lori was buried in piles of files and boxes. She wanted as much details as she could comprehend about the past 30 years of the Avengers, Shield, and Hydra. She was trying to find out why Hydra had left her all alone in the bunker. The answers were no where to be found. Up until she was found, she didn’t even seem to exist. Searcheds for her name had turned up nothing. No articles, reports, or anything online or in the files.  Never had she felt so alone, so unwanted.

Bucky stuck his head through the door and cleared his throat to make Lori aware of his presence. “Hey, it´s almost 8, you wanna come up and eat with us? It´s movie night,” Bucky explained and walked over to her, looking over her shoulder at the files. He moved some of them finding a picture of himself from the 1940´s. He was in a dark blue coat with a rifle in his hand. He froze as he saw the smiling man in the picture. That was 80 years ago, give or take.

Lori looked up at him and frowned. “Let´s go James,” She said and patted his arm before she walked to the door, and turned the lights off. Bucky followed her once he had put the picture down. “Have you found out anything more?” He asked her as they came out into the light of the corridor, walking towards the elevator. Lori shook her head and sighed. “It´s like I don’t exist at all. My birth certificate is there but nothing from that point. No information, no articles, absolutely nothing. It´s like I just ceased to exist.” She muttred.

“Did you try to look up your mother or friends?” Bucky asked. “I tried at least, she either died or changed her name, same goes with my friends.” She shrugged. It had pained her in the beginning but not so much anymore. She had never forgotten her mother, but during her time in Hydra she had stopped thinking about her in order to keep her thoughts safe and free of want and longing.

Bucky nudged her as they walked. “If you don’t stop spacing out on me, I´ll have to bring Wanda to see whats going on in that head of yours,” he teased her. They took a turn to the right, into the kitchen. Lori laughed and shook her head. “No sorry. I´ll try not to space out anymore today” she promised and smiled at Bucky. He laughed with her and sat down by the kitchen island pulling on a carton with pizza in it. “Care to share Lori?” He asked and slid the pizza-box a bit to his right where Lori sat down.

“Is it regular pizza? Or the superior Kebabpizza?” She asked. Of course she had decided to catch up on some Swedish history from the years she had missed. One of the things she had missed was something called a Kebabpizza. She had gone to the nearest pizzeria and asked for one. She had paid a fine prize for it but she had loved it.

Bucky had been terrified when she told him about it, Sam too. They hadn´t been as terrified as when they saw her gulp one whole Kebabpizza in one go, but rather, impressed. “I´m sorry, Americans have done much. But we didn’t start, whatever the hell, that amazing pizza is. But yes it´s Kebabpizza for the miss. Now come here and eat,” Bucky said and pushed the stool besides him out for her.

Lori sat down besided him and grabbed a slice of the pizza for herself. She grabbed a soda can as well and held it out for Bucky to open, which he did without question. The two had really learnt how to work in harmony. It was easier now that Lori had become more used to them all, and more open to being around them as well. “So Wanda, whats on tonight?” Lori asked and looked over at the one she was the closest too, apart from Bucky and Sam. Wanda shrugged and smiled at her. “I was planning on seeing Skyfall, it’s a Bond-movie. They were a thing when you were younger right?” Wanda asked.

“So old mister Connery is still in business?” She asked and raised an eyebrow at the people in front of her. They all seemed to be very confused. “What? He isn´t dead is he?” She frowned and looked to Sam, her go to for information about celebrities. “I don’t know about that, but you must have missed out on a lot of Bond movies, Connery´s last was in 71. Roger Moore took over from 73,” Sam explained as he looked at her. “Right now, well up until recently, the role was played by Daniel Craig, I think you´ll like it” he continued and smiled.

Bucky patted her arm. “Relax, when I came too there was something called cellphones. I think you can handle a different Bond,” he teased her and chuckled. She shrugged but gave in and nodded. “I´m sure this Daniel guy is good, as long as he´s good looking the plot is less important,” she explained. All the James Bond movies she had seen had more or less the same plot.

“Incoming call from Peter Parker,” The disembodied voice of Friday sounded through the kitchen making all four of them look up in confusion. Peter hadn´t called since one of Lori´s first days and as far as they knew he was away, working in Europe or so. There was no reason for him to call the avengers, so why was he?

Sam picked up the call quickly and announced all of their presence for it. “Okay so I just got back from Europe two days ago, and apparently there was this dude waiting for me here in New York. Like he doesn’t know who I am but he has beef with Spider-Man I suppose, and yeah that’s me. But I can´t shake him off, and I don’t want to lead him towards May, so you know… I kind of need a bit of help,” the young man all but shouted into the phone. Friday thankfully lowered the volume of the call.

Sam had taken a visible step back at Peters voice and let out a breath. “Hey, relax man. Where are you? We´ll come out, meet you, and lead whoever is hunting you away from May and New York City okay?” He said and crossed his arms over his chest. They could all hear how hard Perers breath was as he swung through the city. “Uhh, yeah sure, I´m swinging back and forth across 5th. North and south, it’s a weird monster,” he explained before the call was cut right then and there. “Okay team, suit up. Jet leaves in five minutes, chop chop.” Sam said and ran off to the weapons room with Bucky and Lori while Wanda ran off to her room to get her famous coat. So much for movie-night, Lori thought.

Bucky and Lori arrived in the weaponry first considering they were faster than Sam. They grabbed their guns from the shelves and made sure they were all loaded and ready to go before they grabbed extra ammo. Lori also grabbed some of Natashas widow bites. They could always come in handy and they were small, hence not  ahindrence to her. She grabbed the Captains shield and tossed it to Sam before she looked over at Bucky seeing him strap on his M249.

There was something beautiful and calming about it to Lori. She had seen him get ready before, but it never ceased to amaze her. He made it seem so easy, as if it was just an extension of him, a part of him. She had always worked to be as good as him with weapons. But she wasn’t nearly as good.

1972

She had been locked into her little cell once more, and she didn’t know how long she had been there. She was guessing weeks by now. Before the experiments she had received food twice a day, now she hadn´t received food in forever, and yet she wasn’t hungry. Not much anyways. The room was as cold as it had been before but it wasn’t affecting her anymore. The clothes she had gotten helped keep her temperature up. She had seen some changes in her body, her muscles had grown and were more defined now.

The door to her cell was unlocked and she looked up from her corner. There wasn’t any food with the men and they attempted to pick her up but she kicked and punched her way out of their grips. They held up their guns and she raised her hands. She didn’t want to fight them, but she could walk on her own. They grabbed her by her arms but allowed her to walk. They guided her and they weren´t very gentle with her but she didn’t care as she was taken into an open room with a strange-looking machine in the middle.

A man sat in the chair. He was breathing hard. The men holding her pulled her towards the other side of the room and through another door. There was a table laid out which they strapped her too, tightly. They hadn´t used belts this time, but handcuffs and wires instead. Of to her right side she could see windows, but they looked to have been covered up from the outside. Streams of cold air could still be felt from that side of the room. When Lori turned her head to the right she could see a large number of machines. Machines she would have never been able to name, or explain the use off.

Someone took a hold of her head and tied something over her throat, and then over her forhead, stopping Lori from moving her head side to side. She tried to scream but her mouth was stuffed by something she hadn´t seen and therefor couldn´t identify. She could still make noise, but it was muffled by whatever was in her mouth. They attached something to the wires around her and she could feel something biting into the skin of her right arm. As something dripped down her arm she realized they had cut her arm open with a knife.

She tried to move, but she was so tighlty strapped in that she ould only move her chest up and down. She screamed and tears rolled down her temples. Maybe the man she had seen in the bigger room would hear her. Maybe he would help her if he could hear her. She was silenced by a powerful shock going through her body. She stopped thinking and couldn’t see for a moment. It was over as quick as it had come over her, and she was struggling to catch her breath.

Lori´s body was on fire. The cool air from the windows did nothing to help her. She could feel the wires around her wrists and ankles, they were burning her skin. Even if she couldn’t see, she was certain the wires would leave marks on her skin. Lori cried out again as the next shock went through her. She wasn’t aware of how long it lasted as she passed out from the pain and shock. What had she done to deserve this? Why were they torturing her?

Her cell was where she woke up. The first thing she did was to look for the marks around her wrists and ankles, and sure enough, there they were. Bright red, and bloody from where she had kicked and strained against them. She touched them gently and whimpered. They were painful, but her head was hurting worse. She didn’t have any memory of what had happened. All she could remember was when she was strapped to a table with belts. But that couldn’t have been this day, it had to have been a long time ago. Belts wouldn´t leave her wrists bloody.

2024

The thing, or monster rather, that was chasing Spider-Man was almost too much for the team to handle. Peter had worn it out a bit though with his constant swinging back and forth. The jet landed on one of the roofs and the four avengers got off as Peter also landed on the roof. “Hey guys, so I don’t know what this dudes problem is. But yeah I need help, and I need to lead him away… And…” Peter rambled and pulled at his mask without taking it off.

“Hey kid, relax. Why don’t you sit tight and we´ll get a look on things,” Bucky said and patted Peters shoulder before leaning over the edge to look down at the streets, and then towards the next roof. He glanced back at Lori and smirked. “How do you feel about jumping?” He asked and backed up on the roof before he took off and jumped over to the next roof. It wasn’t terribly far and it was lower than their current roof. Lori chucked to herself and jumped after him. She rolled into the landing and looked up at Bucky. “Now what? The thing is huge…” She mumbled and placed her hands on the guns by her hips.

If she had more time before they left, she would have tried to alter her bullets and incorporate the widow bites into them. That way they could have worked from the inside of the monster, rather than just the outside. She sighed as she thought about it, but screamed as a large hand picked her up. She tried to grab her guns but couldn’t because of where she was held. She managed to get to her knife however, and stick it in one of the monsters fingers. It didn’t do too much until she twisted it.

The monster released her with a roar, and she was falling. Buildings in New York city are high. It would have taken Lori around 8 seconds to reach the ground, thankfully Sam caught her by the arm and helped her onto the nearest building. “You okay Lori?” He shouted as he began to shoot at the monster, which was now going after Bucky. “I´m fine, we have to help Bucky.” She said and reached up to turn her comms on. “Wanda can you get a hold of the monster? Mess with its mind or something?” She asked her fellow female avenger and looked up to her. She had a habit of taking control on missions, something the others had learned during their two previous missions.

None of the others had seemed to mind. Sam was quite hppy that someone else took charge for once. Considering Lori´s background Sam was happy to have her around. He liked not having to make all the decisions himself. “I can try, I mean I don’t know how his brain works, but keep him distracted!” Wanda exclaimed and floated over to the monster. Lori got up and dusted her self off a bit before she pulled her hair into a bun. It wasn’t pretty, or cute. But it got the job done. She checked her guns to make sure they were still working properly. She didn’t want to blow herself up by accident.

Her guns were fine. She took the safety off before she shouted at the monster on the other roof. Her wish was to get its attention to let Wanda get close. The monster turned its head, and Lori began to shoot at it with both guns. It didn’t seem to do a whole lot, but at least she had the monsters attention. It started to come towards her and she frowned. “Shit, shit, fuck, shit, fuck…” She mumbled and began to back away. She kept her eyes on the monster until she hit the edge of the roof. She glanced behind herself. The others and Peter were watching her. Lori took a deep breath before she emptied the magaizines of her guns into the monster who was at the other side of the roof.

“Lori, what the hell are you doing?” Bucky and Peter asked through her coms at once. She smirked to herself and looked at them both. “Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith,” She answered and threw herself off the building. The monster came straight after her as she had figured it would. It looked over the edge into the barrell of Lori´s guns. “Hello there,” she said before she fired, the speed of the bullets knocking the monster back. The others stopped in their tracks before they too went at the monster. Asking about what Lori´s thought-process was, could wait until they were out and fine. The important thing now was to make sure the monster was taken care off.

Bucky and Sam shot at the monster while Peter and Wanda used their powers to keep the monster down. Lori reloaded her guns for the last time and helped Bucky and Sam shoot at the monster. She was in more pain now, and she had realized the monster had done more damage to her than she had previously thought. She was wheezing a bit as she grabbed at her ribs. They were painfully sore and Lori coughed to clear her throat a bit, which hurt her quite badly. “Fuck,” she muttered to herself and leaned on a structure on the roof.

Wanda held the monster down with her powers and Peter swung around throwing webs at the monsters hands and feet to stop it from moving. It took them just a few seconds to complete their goal. Sam came over to Lori and frowned as he noticed her flinch away. “Okay guys, get ready to leave. I´ll get some agents to take care of this. Peter, are you going to May or with us?” He asked and looked to the onesie-wearing man. Peter shook his head. “I´ll wait here for the agents to arrive. If he were to get lost I´m one of the only who can keep him down. Wanda could you stay as well?” He asked and looked over to the robe wearing woman standing a little farther off. Wanda nodded and smiled at them all before she soared off back to the monster.

Sam helped Lori stand up and she leaned into his side. “Fucking hell,” She mumbled and gripped her side. “Let´s get you back to Helen to check out those ribs of yours,” Sam said quickly and all but carried her to the jet for them to leave. Bucky followed them and kept an eye back on the scene they had just left. They got into the jet and Sam gently sat Lori down on one of the seats. Bucky came over to her with a first aid kit but she just shook her head. “The doctor can check up on me, it isn´t very far,” she said and leaned her head back and sighed heavily. Bucky nodded quickly and shrugged. “I´ll just get you a bottle of water and some super pain killers for now then,” he explained and left her alone for a little bit to get the water and pills.

Lori touched her side and gasped a bit as she arched her back in hopes that it would make the pain more bearable. She would be fine in just a few hours, unless the ribs were broken of course. How she hated broken bones. They were annoying, painful and just took so long to heal, even for someone with supersoldier serum. Bucky came back with the water and pills which Lori swallowed quickly. She coughed as the water went down the wrong pipe. She wiped her mouth and breathed heavly. “Thank you, Bucky,” she mumbled and looked down at her hands. Sam, who was steering them towards the compound let out a chuckle.

“She came around, now everyone calls you Bucky,” he teased his best friend. Lori smirked and shook her head as she leaned her head back again and closed her eyes. She missed the look Bucky gave her. It was a mix of happiness, terror and pride. He was happy Lori called him Bucky, but he was terrified seeing as it made him care more about her. At the same time he was proud at how far she had come from when they found her. She was acclimating to them all, and now Bucky as well it seemed. He looked away quickly to Sam who was smirking at him. He groaned quietly and made a face at Sam before placing his left hand on Lori´s forehead. She hummed in approval of the cold metal agaist her forehead.

“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked quietly and looked at her. She huffed and chuckled a bit. “Like a monster picked me up by the ribs and squeezed,” she teased him and glanced over at him. “Go ahead. Yell at me for my little suicide drop move,” she mumbled and took another sip of water. “I´m not gonna yell at you doll, that ain´t my style. Sam will do that when you´re better. But I´m curious. What where you thinking?” He asked and smiled softly. Lori looked at him and shrugged. “I noticed there was a ledge just down the roof, and I knew it was big enough for me to fall on it safetly, plus we needed the distraction. Peter and Wanda had to get a chance to bring him down.” She explained and shrugged once more.

Bucky shook his head with a smile. “Steve was just like that. Always ready to get himself hurt for others…” he mumbled and looked away for a bit. He really missed his best friend, the man he had grown up with and the man who had saved him more than once. He sighed and looked back to Lori. Of course she was special in his eyes. She was like him in many ways, and he just wanted her to be okay and be able to live a life in freedom. “Yeah, but he was always on the good side,” She answered quietly and furrowed her brows. While she didn’t see a monster in Bucky, she couldn’t help but see one in herself.

The jet landed a few minutes after midnight and Bucky helped Lori out of the back of it. He stayed by her side and let her lean on him, before Helen came up and offered to get Lori a stretcher. Being stubborn as she was she refused and let Bucky help her all the way back to the med-bay. Helen got her a bed to sit down on. “Okay, can you just remove your shirt and I´ll have a feel. We´ll see where we go from there,” she explained and stared at Bucky, waiting for him to leave so they could have some privacy. Lori stared at him too and it took him some time to understand he should leave. “There´s pizza left, I´ll leave you some,” he said before he left the med-bay rubbing his neck.

Lori laughed softly but flinched at the pain shooting through her side. “You know what, just get your shirt off and we´ll take some X-rays of your side, I have a sneaky suspicion those ribs are broken,” Helen sighed and went to get her X-ray machine. It was portable and she could see the bones straight away instead of having to print pictures out. Lori did as she was told and gently raised her arm up seeing some good bruising on her side. “Bucky gave me some super strength pain-killers on the jet. I´m not sure wether they´re working or if they just haven´t kicked in yet,” Lori explained as Helen checked her ribs. “Yeah, well they usually work within half an hour, so call me through Friday if they arent working in 15 minutes. I´ll prescribe you a dose. Don’t take more than 2 at once and only every 4 hours, alright?” Helen said and Lori nodded. “Okay Doc, are they broken? Do I need a bandage or something?” She asked as Helen walked away again. Lori pulled on her shirt now and groaned softly clutching her chest.

“They´re broken alright, but we can´t bandage it or anything so while I´m not gonna put you on bed rest, I suggest you take it easy the next few days or maybe two weeks. Your serum is a little different from Barnes and very different from Steves so I don’t really know how long it´ll take.” Helen explained and smiled at Lori before they both heard the low rumble of thunder. Lori was confused but Helen smiled to herself. “Mind if I join you guys for pizza?” she asked and Lori shrugged. “I don’t mind, but I cant speak for the others but I bet they don’t mind either,” She explained and frowned as another roll of thunder passed by. “That doesn’t sound like normal thunder… I better get back to the others,” she said and got off the bed she had been sitting on. Helen nodded and said she would be with them in a few minutes, she just had to report in the pills she had given to Lori.

1972

Time meant less and less to Lori every second that went by. Had you asked her how long she had been with Hydra she would have answered anything from two weeks to her whole life. Truth was she had been captive for five months. It was the middle of December. For Lori it might as well have been November or January, she didn’t know. All she knew was that it was colder. She had been training a lot more recently. They kept her locked in her cell when she wasn’t training or being tortured. Training took up five to eight hours per day. The torture happened less and less now than it had before, but she was still tied up and electrocuted now and then.

She didn’t understand why, but she could rarely remember much after each of those sessions. Or rather, some things seemed less important than before. She had little recollection of her life before Hydra. Over the past few months they had gone through her head and removed what was Lori. She had become a shell. A shell Hydra had filled with an assassin. Lori had undergone gun-training, knife-training and hand-to-hand-combat. With her enhancement her opponents rarely lasted very long and she got a new one every day to let them rest inbetween session. All to give Lori the best fight they could. She had seen the one she had come to know as the winter soldier a few times, but each time she asked to fight him she was laughed at and tossed into her cell.

After a few days she had stopped asking all together, there was no use. Something different had happened this day though. She hadn´t been taken to the room of torture, and not to the training room either. First she had been taken to a dance studio where she had been forced to practice for hours. Her feet were bleeding, her legs aching. But she didn’t show any emotion as the men forced her into a lab. She was pushed onto a chair and a metal arm was placed in front of her alongside some blueprints.

“Disarm it,” One of the men said and left the room locking the door behind him. Lori was alone in the room with just the arm in front of her. She stared at it for a second before she picked up the blueprints and went through them. It wasn’t clear what she was supposed to do but she began to tinker with the arm and soon had a plate of it opened up. The arm itself was filled with wires that looked like nerves. She frowned to herself and took a look at the blueprints again. She tried to locate the nerves that would disable the fingers of the arms. If she could get to those, the hand wouldn’t be able to close into a fist. It was a start if anything. She would have to disarm the arm from the elbow down to get it to be almost completely useless and that would be much harder, she soon realized.

She had just finished when the guards came back for her. With them was the man she had seen a few times prior. He was pushed into another chair and the arm was attached to his left shoulder. He was staring straight ahead and he didn’t notice Lori at all. Lori herself was taken into an adjoining room where her most senior capter stood. “Send in the agents,” he told his men in a perfect British accent. The soldat stood up as three agents came in. Lori could see him trying to flex his metal arm but he couldn´t, because Lori had done what they had asked of her.

The three agents went at the soldat, who didn’t do very well without a left arm. He was overtaken by the agents who eventually tore the metal arm off. The soldiers guards stepped in and executed the agents at the spot. Lori was taken to her cell, no word on wether she had done well or not. She guessed she had done well considering she wasn´t punished. There was no knowing with Hydra. She would never figure them out, she realized as she laid down on the bed in her little cell. They had at least provided her with two blankets, a luxiory.

2024

Thor had arrived with his brother in a heap of thunder. They had landed on the grass just outside the livingroom. Bucky and Sam had to hold Lori close as she got quite scared by the commotion. The two gods had introduced themselves to the newcomer. They had all shook hands, but Lokis lingered on Lori´s. “Aren´t you a trickster?” He asked softly as he tilted his head with a wicked smile. Lori knew more than any of her collegues about who the gods were. Hell they were a part of her swedish culture. Norse mythology was something every kid in Sweden learned about, Lori hadn´t been an exception. In fact, the norse gods and the mythology had been some of her favorite subjects in school. She had been the best in her class as well. At home she had had a number of books on the gods, well-read and re-read a million times.

Seeing the two gods was a bit of a shock to her. Of course she knew they existed, she had read their files, but she hadn´t expected them to be so big. They easily towered over them all, including Bucky, and Bucky wasn´t short. Yet Loki was at least half a head taller than him and Thor was even taller. Loki had his hair slicked back and was dressed up in a sleek black suit while Thor was in sweatpants and a hoodie. The long golden locks from the pictures Lori had seen were gone in favor for a more spkiy hairstyle. She studied them both for a while, in silence. Lori wasn’t normally a talkative person, less so with people she didn’t know. The gods just stared back at her and tilted their heads. Thor was the first one to break the silence.

“What´s your deal?” He asked as he looked Lori up and down, which to some extent felt a bit intimidating and uncomfortable. “What do you mean, what´s my deal?” She asked and crossed her arms as she stood in front of the god. She didn’t like his attitude. An attitude like that would have been punished by Hydra. “Are you a god? Do you have mind-bending abilities? Are you a former soldier?” Thor asked and frowned as he stared her down. Lori raised an eyebrow but shrugged. “I´m close to what Barnes is… A super-soldier, or something of the sorts at least.” She explained and stuck her chin out at the god.

She heard a swoosh go past her ear but she didn’t flinch or move. Thor smirked as he looked at her with a large axe in his hand. “I like this one,” He said with glee and everyone could hear Loki sigh. “Yes brother, you like yet another human, who is surprised…” he said and shook his head as he rolled his eyes. Lori was fuming on the inside, she felt slightly disrespected but she was also proud of herself for not flinching at all. Bucky grabbed her upper arms and pulled her back a bit. “Let´s go to the gym, take it out on me.” He said quietly and pulled her back. Despite what Lori thought, Bucky knew her better than she realized.

[thewritingdungeon]

A Matching Set of His & Hers Regrets: She Wishes

SUMMARY: Eris loves many things. She loves chemistry and the sciences. She loves to watch things blow up. She loves finally getting to live life on her terms. But more than anything, she loves one (1) disaster man she only knows by the code name Ronin.

If only he would realize it...

CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Clint Barton/OFC

WORD COUNT: 1,585

WARNINGS: drunken flirting/kissing (from the other person's pov)

A/N: This is a flipped-POV companion piece, aka Part Two of A Matching Set of His and Hers Regrets. Out of all the writing I've done for Clint/Eris, this is the only piece from our girl's POV. It is a slightly edited version, as it was originally written for someone who knows her backstory and real name (read: myself). However, I haven't gotten to the name reveal yet in my postings, and a couple people have requested part two, so the piece has been tweaked accordingly.

The lounge is loud, booming with the sounds of music and drunken bodies alike. Eris wants to say it's too much for her senses—still wants to be that good, modest girl her parents tried to beat into her—but in truth, she can't help but relish in the pulsing air against her skin and the knowledge that if it weren't for the prototype ear plugs she keeps in out of habit, there would be a high-pitched ringing reverberating in her skull right now.

She's not there long before some lumbering oaf comes swaggering drunkenly up to flirt with her. This is the price she pays for enjoying short shirts and even shorter shorts, but at least this way she gets to control the type of attention on her. Besides, she knows the type of typical clientele Hotel Soteria keeps, and she feels safe in her assumption that she's most likely the smartest person in the place at any given time, save for the staff.

The Oaf makes some type of joke, she wasn't paying that much attention honestly—she rarely does, her mind caught spinning on one experiment or another she's been considering the past few days—but it's funny, and just self-depreciating enough that his self-awareness makes her laugh loudly. She supposes it wouldn't be so bad to flirt with him and see where the night might take her. She deserves a night to take her mind off things.

So Eris does what she does best—well, one of the things she does best: she plays the sultry fool. It's only too easy to get the man to believe she's far more interested than she actually is. Poor guy, he's actually rather nice, if a bit overbearing and none-too-intelligent. Honestly, she's bored of him already, but Eris is intent on distracting herself. She needs to stop with all her wishful thinking, and just live in the present.

After all, Heaven is high, and the emperor is far away.

A prickle at the back of her neck tells her there's someone watching her, but it's gone the next second. And really, Eris can't bring herself to care at that point in time; she's safe so long as she's in the Hotel, and she's not so drunk so soon that she could be talked into leaving the premises.

Oaf offers to refill her drink, and she figures it's all right so long as she keeps an eye on him. They're not far from the bar and The Bartender looks out for the women whenever he can, so she's not too worried.

Then, a strong arm sneaks around her waist and steals her away into the shadows of a forgotten corridor. A heavy breath washes over the sensitive skin of her neck, and then her captor is nuzzling against the shell of her ear. And Eris melts as she hears the one voice she always hopes for.

"Hey sweetheart. Fancy meeting you here."

The whispers are husky and low, with a hard edge that makes Eris shiver and grip the arm around her stomach harder. Ronin must have seen her flirting with someone else tonight and found he didn't much care for it.

She revels in the jealousy-tinged affection from him for one moment, then two. Then, she twists around in his arms to meet glassy-eyed adoration face to face. She knows she should step back, let him get some air. She knows that he's probably not himself right now, that he's been drinking too much. Eris knows she knows this.

But then Eris sees his smile.

It's the same smile he gave her when they first met—when she introduced herself and the first words he said to her were 'you look like you're going to be trouble. I can't wait to find out what kind.' It's the same smile he gave her after their first kiss along the Italian coastline shortly after. The same one he suppresses after every kiss they've shared since. Ronin wears it openly now, though. As blinding and beautiful as she always remembers it.

She would do anything for that smile, and she knows it.

"Looked like you were in need of a more, uh, let's say stimulating conversation partner."

Ronin's never been the smoothest talker, but she thinks it's a part of his charm—so endearingly honest that Eris can't help but fall for every fumbling attempt at flirtation.

"Oh, I'm sure stimulation was exactly what was on your mind."

He hums an amused, but noncommittal noise, too distracted by the feel of her skin, if his wandering hands are any indication. She's just about to tease him some more, when Ronin does something he's never done before...

He kisses her first.

It's a brief thing, barely a graze of lips against hers. His tongue darts out to flick enticingly at her lip ring before he not-quite leans back, still a scant inch between them and his eyes locked hungrily on the way her teeth tug at the flesh of her lower lip.

She doesn't take a moment this time to revel in his look. Eris simply surges up on the tips of her toes and captures him in a kiss like she's done so many times before.

There's an eager need in the press of his lips—a desperate hunger in the way his mouth moves against hers. She can't help the moan that escapes her at the feel of him. One hand begins to roam while the other finds its way into Ronin's hair, and before she knows it she's tugging just hard enough to elicit needy whines and whimpers from him. The sounds send a thrill through her like nothing else.

Eris is far from dominating in the bedroom; she knows that about herself well enough by now. But there's something heady in knowing she can make the unflappable marksman make such sounds.

Ronin curses when she tugs again, something high and wanting that she can't bring herself to remember in the moment. It feels like her thoughts are lost in a haze of realized desires that Eris can't quite find the will to drag herself out of.

"Have I ever told you how fucking beautiful you are? Jesus Christ, the things you do to me."

And with that clearly unintended stream of words, the haze of wishful thinking clears away and reminds her of what's real.

Eris knows Ronin feels the same way about her. She's waited time and time again for his rejection, seen him turn down plenty of other pretty suitors with kind words and no care for sparing their feelings. He never does that with her. He deflects and misdirects, but never does he let her pull away once she's close enough to be within his reach.

The problem is that she's not sure he knows it.

In letting his jealousy tip his hand, Eris had thought maybe he had finally realized it himself. But now she sees that it had just been the alcohol all along.

She knew this, but she had hoped...

"You've been drinking, Francis."

It's a quiet statement—neither question nor accusation, but simple fact. Try as she might to keep the disappointment from her voice, Eris can tell from the confused hurt in his eyes at the sound of his false name that she failed.

"Yeah, and?" Ronin's voice tips precariously into petulant, which makes Eris have to suppress a smile with her next words.

"And it makes me wonder if this is something you really want to be doing." She aimed for cool and detached. Too bad she can't tell whether or not she succeeded from the snort he gives in reply.

Taking advantage of the effort she's putting in to make this entire conversation seem effortless, Ronin darts forward to steal another kiss, smirking at his victory and brushing his nose against hers even as she delivers a sharp tug and a nip as a means of telling him to behave. "Really? Of all the times to worry about whether I really want you, you choose now?"

Again, Eris aims for nonchalant, even thinks she manages to hit it this time, and she scolds herself for every second she keeps a hand in his hair, keeps herself pressed against him. She knows she should move away, divorce herself from the temptation of fantasy he currently offers her and walk away. Instead, she explains herself, knowing in the morning it won't matter.

"I just don't want the booze to be what's choosing me here. If I'm going to get you to return my feelings, then it's gonna be with you sober and realizing it."

She gives him one more bright, forced smile; presses in for one more soft kiss. Then, Eris steps out of the warm embrace of Ronin's arms and forces herself to take a step back, then another. Taking him in one more time, she can't help the curl of her lips as she takes in his face.

One more cheeky comment can't hurt, right?

"Oh yeah, and good luck getting all that black lipstick off without a mirror."

With one last wink and a laugh, Eris turns around and escapes, but not back to the lounge. As quick as she can, she makes it to the lobby and lets her face fall. Just one step at a time, back to the safety of her room. That's all she needs. Then she can fall asleep and let a brand new day greet her.

She only hopes that he'll forget this in the morning.

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep9 “The Trial of Jim Gordon” Personal Review

“Well, I did not see that coming”    Warning NO spoilers below, why am I so late with this ..

 “Gotham has a chance to be born anew. To return to what it was before people ripped down the trees and paved over the earth. He's trying to reunify with the mainland to save all these people. A return to filth.  Pollution. He's fighting for death, while I promise life in its purest form.” “The plants will adapt; they always do.” So IVY PEPPER is the big bad in this episode she wants to get rid of Gotham people and one of the first steps is getting rid of Jim Gordon. But in the end she´s gone and forgotten about, you´d think there would at least be some tiny reference.   Honestly I think I could really dig misanthropic Ivy (is there some plant based black metal .. hmmm ) but I don´t think they built this up well enough, that they just give her these ridiculous powers and send her out to try to kill a lot of people and now all people, and then just have that fade into nothing basically doesn´t help the case. Ugh. Also Ivy leaves Selina with that gang guy she already fought against and they repeatedly mention their history despite the guy being also under the influence of Ivy. Which is odd because .. first of all, if the history with Selina is important he should be there without being drugged. Also if his history with Selina is not important she could have just picked anyone else and probably would have had a better chance because as we all know SELINA KYLE already had a field trip with him. So why would he be a threat now? (I mean unless you count some the presence of my dame made me win the jousting effect, which is a thing but not in gotham)  Well the whole plot is Ivy gets Jim shot by Zsasz. Okay so this is stressing me out, I thought I came here for a crazy dream trip but Lee´s voice is haunting me. Can just everyone be alive n happy, pls.  Hm I don´t quite know what to make of this trial, probably because there really isn´t anything about it .. and I think most meta in this fandom did a better job plenty times already.  Nevertheless, he´s his own prosecution and nice, also is this his theatre stage voice? Before Ivy´s interruption the whole think started with JIM GORDON lamenting how the gangs get more aggressive and that they need at least a temporary CEASE FIRE to get their reunification and save lives. Oswald Cobblepot provided the venue for this and Barbara was present as well. But that does not matter too much.  Big theme this week: RESPONSIBILITY And for fucks sake, the JIM GORDON trial just beats the same crap again that I´ve been annoyed with for forever. “I did my best. Your best never seems good enough.”   “Therefore we pose one simple question: Are the people in Jim Gordon's life better off with him alive or dead?”  I mean Jim did Lee dirty that’s a valid point but she´s not the only one and most of the trial bulk is about Jim just not being able to save people. People being mad they trusted him looking for safety. And I´m gonna try to just sum up the whole rant in short: If some pyromaniac sets a fire and the firefighters can´t extinguish it quickly enough it´s still not the firefighters to blame I´m so tired of this nonsense. Also we have a hint of the same nonsense with BRUCE WAYNE: He´s thinking that he is responsible for Ra´s and Galavan but again, see above. Or in other words: What Selina Kyle said. She hit the nail on the head with: “Jeremiah blew up your house”.  There really isn´t anything to add.  “And I know that a lot of people lost a lot more, but part of me wonders if it wasn't fate.” “It wasn't. It was Jeremiah blowing up your house.” Maybe it's time to move on. (…) And how many terrible things have happened to it because of me? Galavan.  Ra's al Ghul. If this city really is my home, then maybe the best thing I can do for it is leave.”  VICTOR ZSASZ oh Victor ..  Victor in love is a delight, Victor in anything is a delight  * So first of all he gets rough with ALFRED again, okay the other way round but, idc, it was too short * Also they just like repeating things .. I´m here for Gordon only Gordon we´ve had this but tbh I´ll take it again and again.  “Okey-dokey.  Time to boogie. Hey! I'm only here for Gordon. So all of you stay down. 'Cause I see anyone and, you know bang.” “Oi, oi! Now, I heard you were looking for Jim Gordon.” “Uh-huh.”  * So technically, with Bruce doing “IvyLingo” the William Shakespeare Romeo and Juliet quote could have been just Ivy´s influence but Zsasz reading Shakespeare is just right as roses as well, //gotham language//  “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. You know, I'm really taking the time to stop and smell the roses these days.” * More is this IvyInfluence of is this something coming out of the drugged person. The name thing was such a childish take on being in love and I feel like there´s meta in this about IVY PEPPER and her age ups, or maybe not fully age ups (but I´d still like to believe it wasn´t just body age ups but brain chemistry n stuff too but still experience is another factor) but, buut instead of thinking about any implications of that I´m just gonna find Zsasz adorable  “Uh, I'm technically not allowed to say it. Her name.  Which is such a bummer, because it's the most beautiful name in the world.” “You watch him.” I could say it all day.  Hey, I will say it all day. Ivy. Ivy Pepper. Mrs. Ivy Pepper Zsasz. Oh, that sounds good.”  * “Don't worry, though. I'm just a distraction so she can finish off Jim once and for all. You know, that's how great couples work. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that. Oh, well.” Okay so Zsasz ~is~ a damn chatterbox and can´t keep his mouth shut. // On a side note. I think I went into this a bit in a fanfic and this is imho such unused potential even with Ivy 2.0. Zsasz conditioned Butch to follow orders, Ivy just does it with a little whiff of a scent. I believe Zsasz would be SO intrigued by this, like not only for doing good work professional reasons but how fascinating would this be, he´d sure want know its limits, he´d certainly would want to know how far this perfume actually could push a person, skin themselves alive? //  // On another side note: Zsasz was so close to spilling the name and he sure spilled the distraction plan which is so totally unbelievable dumb, which is why I´m wondering if 1.) Ivy would have needed to give better instructions 2.) Zsasz got some slight resistance gene to the perfume or 2.) if InLoveZsasz is just such a tremendous idiot .. //  * “Alvarez makes a hell of a Mai Thai. I can barely feel my face.” Oh I want one of those, wait no make that two. Also someone make two or more fics involving Zsasz, Alvarez and cocktails. Please.  * “I can tell you one thing. I am sick and tired of getting shot at in my own precinct.” It was about time someone said it, thanks Harvey Bullock. * “I'm sorry. Did you just say "People. Ugh"? “Lucius, what if I were to tell you I have in my possession the most intoxicating perfume you'll ever smell?” “I would tell you that's an abrupt change of topic. Can we go back to the part where you said "People. Ugh"? “ Okay that´s the only sensible and appropriate reaction anyone in this city ever had. LUCIUS FOX is the real freak on this show, cause he got his shit together. And his Ivy love grin is adorable.    * “We're perfectly bonded, like carbon and oxygen or hydrogen and oxygen “ “We do not have time for this.”  Lucius Fox and Selina Kyle being awesome. * SELINA KYLE and BRUCE WAYN being on the same “maybe” page was sweet. Also her being mindful of her claws and not touching his cheek during the kiss. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say this was a date.” “Maybe it is.” “That okay with you?” “Maybe.”  * Another repeat thing and another piece on the BARBARA KEAN turning into OSWALD COBBLEPOT list is her poisoning the gang leaders with alcohol. Oswald did it with Cannoli and well he killed them for good but it counts.  *  Also if the show had just put them side to side earlier, it could have been so good, soo good. * Also HA! I knew it. I mean my first impulse was to be like, wtf, why is everyone and their aunt trying to get on such good graces with Jim suddenly, why is Jim Gordon the key to survival now? Oswald and Barbara sure both did their fare share of courting Jim. And I did use this word on purpose because as Oswald later calls it, Barbara´s motive was not just strategical and political it was also motivated by her love for Jim Gordon.  Which clearly and totally also means: Gobblepot.  It´s just a logical extension if you follow the parallels. Oswald´s actions too were about liking Jim. And if that doesn´t convince you enough he has had that quip about Barbara knowing all about keeping Gordon happy. He sure would do the same, if Jim let him. That was all jealousy talking.  * “If we're really going to leave Gotham, we need to keep Gordon happy. You know all about that, don't you?” *  “What exactly are you doing? I'm trying to keep this city from ripping itself apart.” “So this has nothing to do with your feelings for Jim?” “What if Ed fails, and we are stuck here? This will put us in Gordon's good graces. Consider it a backup plan.” * “Controlling the gangs was not a backup plan. You saw a chance to convince James Gordon that you had changed. But he will never see you as anything but a dangerous woman keeping his child from him.”  * “Ms. Kean, this may come as a surprise, but building a submarine from scratch by yourself takes time.” Didn´t I say so .. this still stresses me out though, building a whole submarine from scratch, how even  * “I don't know what's going on inside that man's head sometimes.” “I think you'll find that he needs you a lot more than he's letting on.” Well, I need to hear it from him.”   Well and there she goes, hearing it right after Jim woke up. LESLIE THOMKINS  stays at home while Jim goes out and hunts. She´s not happy at first but then comes to terms with it I guess, Jim has this line about what else should he do not being him anymore. Well idk. Leslie doesn´t seem to be quite herself either. She went out as well, ran a fight club n stuff ..  * “I never thought that this was how my life was going to be. I have no interest in being a father myself. I always presumed that I was unfit to be one.”  Well, honestly I don´t think ALFRES PENNYWORTH can be considered fit to raise a child. What was nice this week was that he talked to Lee and offered his own insight about parenting without being a blood relative. That was a kind and considerate touch.  * I have to look up which episode it was where Jim Gordon woke up to Edward Nymga and Oswald Cobblepot singing because wow that must have left a lasting impression if this visual turns up again  * Edit: I didn’t really notice until I made gifs but Barbara´s “See, those drinks I just gave you they're poisoned. And you had two shots before everyone got here. So that should be taking effect around PAUSE now the rest of you have 48 hours before you'll need the antidote”  line was so well structured. Like the now doubles as a 1) you´ll die like now and as a 2) so ~now~ that we got that out of the way let´s get to the real business .. and I love it //Gotham language //

[kurtty-drabbles]

Evil movie au(training)

N/A: What Magneto is planning to do and what Kurt is planning to do.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling @sailorstar9 @discordsworld @look-ma-no-hands336

Erik does mourn the death of Morph, a great soldier and a mutant that deserves better, Psylocke may save the doctor today, however, Psylocke is on Magneto´s list.

A funeral has been prepared for Morph and all honours it should be included. His family disowned him for his abilities, and Magneto is the real family for Morph. Lorna knew the mutant well enough to mourn for the loss, yet, she's still the only child in the Magneto´s lair.

And is soon forgotten as Magneto leaves to speak with Professor X, an enemy and friend that Erik can always count on and goes to play chess and talk about mutants, life and death.

Professor X is already waiting for him and Erik can sit down and talk, today, there´s no Magneto, only Erik. "Morph is dead, my friend, murder by a mutant, of all people, Charles...how is your dream? How is your life treating you?"

Charles does not need to be Professor X today. "Scott and Jean are marrying and we get a new mutant, Logan, who was..." Charles chuckles at this "in love with Jean and was rejected several time, it was quite amusing if I say so" Charles finishes and uses his mind to move a piece of chess.

"I've got a daughter, Charles...I found her 3 years ago wondering in the streets, her name is Lorna Dane and I´m raising the girl...not sure if I´m doing a good job, I failed Magda, Pietro and Wanda...I know little Wanda fears me, yet, Lorna...I don´t know what to do" Magneto uses the pawn to make the move.

"I had a son, one that didn´t like me very much and we´re not on speaking terms, I can give advice on that, my friend, but, I must ask something. I know what Magneto wants, now, what Erik wants?" Charles inquires quietly and Erik responds with sincerity.

"Magneto wants to create a better world for all mutants, while Erik, just wants a family and somehow both of those goals don´t meddle well together, what I can do?"

"Erik, ask yourself, how can you create a better world for mutants if you have to kill people to achieve it?"

"Charles, ask yourself, how can your students be safe against a government who see them as less than humans?"

__________________________________________________________________________

Time flies by ever since the towel episode and Kitty can´t help to review in her mind when she´s alone and can´t deny the inner turmoil, Kurt Wagner is a hot man and Kitty has enough to self-esteem to not cry and think this is a typical "bad boy making a bet he would sleep with said girl"

She´s not Jean Grey or Ororo, yet, she´s Kitty Pryde and that´s wonderful and if Kurt if so much indicates that Kitty is the second option, heaven and the angels won´t save him from her wrath.

Kurt Wagner and the towel aside(oh, she would like to see that) Ororo and Jean are picking people for a diplomatic mission, Wakanda and the Avengers are asking for a diplomatic input of the X-men and no one wants to have a bad RH.

Sadly, even for a diplomatic mission, Jean refuses to take Kitty Pryde, and to her surprise, even Storm is not taking any pity on Kitty´s plight and is supporting Jean´s choice.

"Kitten, I like you, I know you have a good heart and wants to help, but, sweet, this is diplomatic, however, is a diplomatic mission against Doom and the man is not above to play dirt" Storm explained and adds "Spike will be going because he does have experience in combat and I know he can defend himself and the others" Storm concluded with a gentle tone.

"And the fact I deal with monsters made by magic means nothing, ok, I´d know nothing about Dr Doom aside, well, he doom things, now, let me ask something, will I ever be an X-men?" Kitty asked not backing down.

"You´re a student now,  isn´t that enough?" Storm counter replied feeling as this is more than enough for an answer.

"No, not really. Will I be an X-men someday or will I be forever a student, because, as far I can see, I´m the oldest student here and I´ve my fair share of people thinking I can´t do anything in my own college, no need to add more"

"Kitten! is for your safety, what we see outside is far dangerous and horrible, you can´t imagine" Storm speaks and Kitty nods and interject. "Actually, I can and I did, but, I think no one cares to listen"

"Is not because we think your powers are weak," Storms tries again "is just you have no training for this mission and we don´t want anything bad to happen to you"

"I´ve no training because no one trains me, what one person must do to be an X-men? Be the last one standing?" and with that Kitty leaves the room, as she does leave, her wishes to be an X-men are lowering.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Kitty Pryde is training on the Danger Room in the hopes to cool off some of her steams, well, the inner ones, as right now, Kitty is on Mortal Kombat setting fighting sub-zero, Kitty was ready to give the final blow, however, the sub-zero, manages to pin her down and finishes her.

Luckily for Kitty, the Danger Room is equipped to train, not to kill, so the setting is over and now Kitty is back to the cold metallic room. "I lost again" she speaks angrily.

"Well, your pose was poorly, no real defence, you jump straight to the attack." his accent and brimstone smoke are a give away that Kurt Wagner is here and Kitty does not want to look like a loser in front of him.

As she rose from the ground, Kitty Pryde has two realizations and will focus on the first one. "You know, for someone who leaves the X-men you´re here a lot" she teases and Kurt smiles calmly.

"I´m a simple man, I like to know if Rogue is alright, I like to see my friends, I like to annoy Jean and Scott and now, I can add to my list, that I like to see you" Kurt speaks in such a velvet tone and Kitty now can focus on the second realization.

Oh god, he´s almost shirtless, OH no he´s hot.

"My eyes are up here" Kurt mockingly admonishes and as he chuckles he then adds kindly " Not a big fan of Mortal Kombat, but, I can say you´re having a bad day and if you want to kill sub-zero...I can help"

Focus Kitty, pretend he´s not hot. God, that´s hard...innuendos.

"You want to train me?"

"Well, let´s see if we can defeat sub-zero and then we talk" Kurt flashes a smile and Kitty adds "Well, if you can defeat sub-zero, consider me impressed, elf" she smirks and as Kitty speaks with the Danger Room to starts again.

"Katzchen, prepare to see the amazing Nightcrawler in action" Kurt speaks now taking his shirt off and Kitty can agree with one thing.

OH NO, he got even hotter.

[pedrocamposhtc-blog]

3 Fundamental Discovery Session Metrics You Should Not Ignore

Are you tired of discovery sessions that go nowhere?

What about prospects that back out from a sale the next day?

Good, because we`re gonna fix it today!

In fact, I`m gonna show exactly how to enroll more highly committed clients than ever before. Assuming they`re already high paying, if you know what I mean!

We`re gonna talk about the most important metrics in any coaching discovery call, no matter the target audience and how they impact your sales.

The article will breakdown each metric in detail but first, let`s go over the importance that each one has in your overall sales strategy…

No show rates: they are in essence a bottom of the funnel metric and can massively impact your revenue; the more people show up, the more chances you have of enrolling clients

Closing rates: by far the hardest metric to analyze and fix since there are so many variables that can influence the outcome of a closing call

Post-Close refunds: they are very easy to prevent but there`s really no guarantees for a permanent fix; are part of any business, no matter how good you offer is

This is very similar to a domino effect!

The more people show up to the calls, the more you can close and the more people you can prevent from refunding.

Obviously, with quantity, sometimes quality drops. It`s normal.

The key here is to pay attention to every metric and become obsessed about improving each one.

Now, let`s move on and explain how to improve each metric and what benchmarks you should be looking at to determine your success.

  Everytime you act, think or sound like a typical salesperson, you`re chopping the tree and it will eventually fall down. Click To Tweet

  Discovery Session Metric #1 – No Show Rate

The no show rate is one of the easiest to fix. It simply means that someone booked a discovery session with you or your team but he decided to ghost on you.

Expect this to happen between 30 to 40% of the time, that`s the reality.

This is the first metric of the discovery session but it`s the last in your marketing funnel, as I said, making it the entry door to a deeper business relationship, if you wish.

Even though the prospects are aware of your brand and message, they still need a little bit of reassurance that what you offer is the right solution for them.

That`s why they book calls, people don`t fill your calendar because they feel like… they don`t have time for that!

If the prospect books a discovery call with you, you better believe that something is bothering him.

And sometimes, they`re their own worst enemy. When we talk about 5, 10, $20 000 investments, we quickly realize that there`s a lot of fear and uncertainty that goes on in their mind.

Prospects generally want to stay in the status quo and sometimes decide to not show up.

Your job as a guide, a coach, a closer is to deliver the one thing every prospect needs the most…

… and that is certainty!

So, why don`t people show up when they book a call with you?

For two simple reasons:

They`re afraid to be sold to

It`s not really that important

And how do we fix this?

    The Multi-Channel Hit

The easy solution for this is the multichannel approach as I call it. You want to “hit” the prospect in every angle possible so they can book another time or simply say “I moved on, I`m not interested anymore!”

Imagine this scenario:

10 minutes have passed and nobody called you. No problem!

Here`s what you do…

Send the prospect an SMS saying that you had a call booked at this time and wanted to see if everything is ok with him.

He doesn`t respond within a few minutes. No worries!

Try to call him every 2 minutes, 3 to 5 attempts.

Nothing!

Send an email, saying pretty much the same thing as in the SMS, but this time with your booking link and give him 24 hours to reschedule.

  Leverage Social Media

24 hours have passed and you still didn`t hear from him…

Hit him on Linkedin, Facebook, Instagram with a message similar to this:

“Hey John, our bookings are filling up fast and wanted to send you the booking link again for you to reschedule another call if this is still important to you.”

This approach doesn`t guarantee that he will show up again, but a big part of it is within your control.

There`s a lot of things that can go wrong…

The prospect may have forgotten about the call, had an emergency or he`s simply not interested in the offer anymore.

That`s ok but at least you want to do your best to find out what`s going on.

No show rate benchmark: if 8 out of every 10 prospects that book a call show up, you`re doing pretty good.

  Master the art of listening, it will bring you more revenue than anything else. Click To Tweet

  Discovery Session Metric #2 – Closing Rate

Most of your success on those discovery calls will come from what you do before the call. Sure, it helps if you`re a good closer but most of the heavy lifting is done before you even say a single a word.

It`s called pre-framing or positioning!

That doesn`t mean we shouldn`t focus on improving our closing rate, which is related to what happens during the session.

If prospects come into the call pre-sold it`s easier to enroll them. This has to do, mainly with the way you do your marketing.

Sometimes, entrepreneurs approach sales consultants or high ticket closers, with a quick fix mentality, looking for someone to save them.

Here`s the reality:

If your offer doesn`t convert, you don`t have a predictable way to acquire a customer and your marketing message is weak, no sales expert is gonna turn your business around.

You`ve got to have a good, solid base.

Assuming that your marketing is on point, here`s a list of DO`s that can help you increase the enrollment ratios:

Structure your discovery call properly

Make sure you`re in a quiet environment (no calls at Starbucks)

Take notes during the session (pen and paper)

Listen with intent and ask questions that lead to their personal pains

Mirror their language (if they say revenue, don`t say profit)

Look for patterns in their language (ie: “I`m interested, “I was looking”, “I want”, “I need”, “I`m frustrated)

Find their emotional triggers (ie: feeling like a bad parent because he spends too much time in the business and the son sees him as a stranger)

Discover their personality types

Disqualify victim mode and dead-broke prospects (prevents refunds)

Take a consultative approach to these calls

Get a commitment no matter what (even if it`s just a small deposit)

Offer payment plans if the prospect is really committed to making the leap

Push outcomes, not features and benefits

Partner up with a High Ticket Closer

to help you craft a high converting closing strategy

If you don`t follow a structure, unless you`re a superstar closer, you`re not gonna make it!

Remember that the enrollment part is just a little cog in a massive wheel, called business.

I`ve done an in-depth guide on discovery call success that breaks down every part of the call and shows you what to do in every stage.

    Connection Is The Holy Grail

I`m not talking about pleasing the prospect here or talking about the weather… is this the weather report?

That`s not the goal!

Your goal should be connecting with him at a deep emotional level and understand what`s really holding the prospect back. And you can only do this by listening.

Not thinking about what you`re gonna do for dinner or the hate message that pissed you off on social media. I`m telling you this because I`ve gone through it myself.

I`ve made those mistakes, in fact, every mistake you can think of. But I was aware of them.

The prospect was talking, I would be in dreamland and then wondering why I couldn`t close the sale.

Listening with intent is by far the most difficult skill to master. Basically, it means being present in the moment.

The best technique I can give you is once the prospect finishes talking, you count until 3 to answer back or ask a question.

Sometimes, he stops talking, you wait a bit and then he continues with his thought process without you saying anything.

It`s crazy!

The small pause will give your brain enough time to catch up and ask a great question. You just can`t ask great questions when you`re reactive.

Closing rate benchmark: if you`re closing 5 out of every 10 prospects, congratulations!

  Prospects only move from the status quo if you can show them a good reason to do so. Click To Tweet

  Discovery Session Metric #3 – Post-Close Refunds

Refunds suck… they do!

But do you know what sucks even more?

Letting go the opportunity of changing someone`s life or business.

That`s why traditional, pushy, BS, “car salesman” closing techniques don`t work anymore. The main reason why you get refunds after closing the sale on the phone is this…

You`re pushing the prospect to make a decision.

What you should be doing instead is making him feel like it was his decision to move forward by asking the right questions at the right time.

People hate to be sold but they love to buy, you know this!

    Let The Prospect Close Himself

When it`s not the prospect`s decision to do business with you, he doesn`t feel good about the purchase and you get an email the next day saying that something came up!

The sale doesn`t stick and your refund rates will tell you the truth.

A little trick to prevent the prospect from backing out after they`ve committed to the sale is throwing this line at the end…

“John, you`re not gonna call me tomorrow and say you changed your mind, are you?”

Be careful using this, though. Highly committed prospects may get pissed off when you ask them that question. Do it in situations where you feel like they are going to have second thoughts or they`re going through some financial worries.

Now, it becomes harder for him to say he wants a refund. By doing so, the prospect will experience what we call cognitive dissonance, an uncomfortable feeling associated with the conflict between thoughts or ideas.

They would look stupid sending you an email the next day saying that something came up.

Human beings like to stay consistent with which they believe in.

Very powerful technique!

Does this guarantee that he won`t back out?

Of course not but again, if it`s within your control to make the sale stick, use every tool you have.

Picture this…

I`m going to the battlefield… but no, I`m only gonna use 5 bullets and a knife, that`s it. Let`s roll!

No, every little advantage you can have, counts.

Refunds benchmark: as low as possible!

  Every little advantage you can have puts you one step closer to the sale. Click To Tweet

  Discovery Call Success

What I would recommend for you is to start analyzing each metric as a whole at first but implementing your changes one at the time.

This will prevent you from losing track of what`s working and what`s not.

Let`s say you want to improve your show rate. Look at how many people are booking calls with you and how many have shown up in the last month.

From there, all you have to do is start implementing the strategies I shared with you about discovery call metric #1.

Once you get results with it, move on to the next metric you want to improve.

The discovery call is the line between someone being a prospect and client. It`s what separates you from making no money and enrolling a paying client.

So make sure to pay close attention to the metrics, work on improving them step by step and I promise you that you`ll start seeing some different results.

Meaning, more prospects showing up, more clients enrolled and fewer refunds.

Let me know in the comments…

… what discovery session metric are you gonna fix first?

  The post 3 Fundamental Discovery Session Metrics You Should Not Ignore appeared first on Pedro Campos.

source https://pedro-campos.com/discovery-session/

[blastron01]

Ascendance of a Bookworm – 043

Lutz's Education Plan

While I idly laze about in my bed, my fever returns, just like Lutz predicted. This fever, brought on by exhaustion, is mild, so all that happens is that my whole body feels heavy. Since this isn't the all-consuming fever of the devouring, I should be able to cure it with plenty of quiet bed rest.

That, at least, has been what I've been thinking over the past three days. Although I'm getting increasingly irritated about my unbroken fever, I get scolded whenever I try to leave my bed on my own, so even though I'm sluggish from oversleeping I can't do anything but stay in bed.

...Aaaaaargh, so bored.

Today is pig-slaughtering day. Unlike last year, I've managed to gain enough of my family's confidence that they're letting me stay here and watch the house by myself, so the headed out for that early in the morning. They made a sandwich for my lunch and filled everyone's cups with water and left them in the bedroom for me so that I would neither get too hungry nor get too thirsty without any way to deal with it.

In this dead-silent bedroom, I technically could move around if I wanted to, but I know that all that would do for me is make my fever linger even longer, so I don't have any choice but to stay quietly in bed. However, with nobody to even talk to, there's no helping it: I am so, so bored.

If only I had a book...

I have a tremendous quantity of failed prototype paper with me, but I still haven't used it. All it's been doing since I've brought it home has been sitting in the box at the foot of my bed, neatly stacked to one side, gathering dust. Ever since we successfully finished our prototype, I've simultaneously been really busy and really fired up about wanting to make my first book.

Above all, though, since these are failed prototypes, both the material quality and sizes are all over the place. While I do have some paper that's almost successful, I also have pieces that are such total failures that are badly ripped or crumbling to pieces. There's paper that's so thin that it's nearly see-through, to the point where I'm almost scared to touch it, and paper that we reinforced so much that it looks brittle enough to break.

Out of the pieces that were almost perfect, the ones that got twisted when we tried to paste them up to dry out are still probably the easiest to use. If I were more skilled with my knife, I might be able to use the sheets that dried successfully but we couldn't remove without ripping big holes in them, but cutting out only the pieces of the page that are actually usable proved to be surprisingly difficult. I really want a tiny, slender blade with a very sharp cutting edge, like a hobby knife. That would be much easier to cut with.

I think that if I wanted to make a book with this paper it would take a considerable amount of time. This winter I'll have a lot of extremely productive free time, it seems.

...Ah! Now that I think about it, even if I don't have a book, I have the board that Mister Benno gave me.

I remember that, before my fever flared up, Benno told me that I should look this over when I returned home. I think that I'll probably be fine if I read it while lying in bed.

I get up unsteadily, open the box that I keep my clothes in, and retrieve the approximately A4-sized board from my tote bag. Flopping back down on the bed, I start to read.

"This is... the outline of a training course for new employees."

It contains a listing of the minimum amount of knowledge that it's been decided that newly-entering apprentices should be taught. To break the contents down into broad categories, apprentices will need to know:

How to look after their appearance and give proper greetings.

How to write all of the fundamental letters and numbers.

How to use a calculator.

How to perform monetary exchanges to a certain degree.

The list of commodities in which the shop trades.

The names of the merchants that associate with the shop.

"Hmmm, the things the two of us can study ourselves are... writing, math, and monetary exchanges, I think. Everything below that is probably going to be taught to all of the new employees during training, so I think we can put it off for now..."

As I monologue, mumbling, I start making study plans for the winter.

First off, I wonder how many of the fundamental letters and numbers Lutz remembers? I taught them to him a while ago, but they're the kind of things that you tend to forget if you don't use. I'll need to verify what he's forgotten, then teach those to him again. Instead of practice sentences, I wonder how well it would work if I had him write out order forms, formal introductions, and so on? They're full of vocabulary words that he'll need for work, so I don't think there's much harm there.

To be perfectly honest, I actually don't know how to write many words that aren't strictly work-related. Here, there's no dictionary, and the words that have been taught to me were either drilled into me by Otto so that I could help him with the budget or are merchant-related ones taught to me by Benno or Mark. I think I've got a solid grasp on my work-related vocabulary. However, I don't know how to write any common nouns or verbs.

"As for using calculators, I know how to add and subtract, but I've never asked Mark about how to do multiplication or division on them so I don't know that yet, hmmm..."

I can work out all sorts of calculations by hand on my slate, but it's essential for me to learn how to be able to use a calculator, too. In order to avoid standing out too much from the other apprentices, I should be able to do things the same way that everyone else does.

"I really want to teach Lutz first- through third-grade arithmetic, but I don't have either textbooks or workbooks, so teaching him is going to be really tough. Since I have to prioritize, I think the counting system and doing large monetary conversions is probably the biggest priority, and then getting him to do addition and subtraction, at least in the ones digit. Then, we can move on to the general concepts of multiplication and division... wait, can we actually do this over the winter?"

Drilling in how to work with numbers takes three years, so of course doing all of it over the course of a single winter is impossible.

As I let out a heavy sigh, I notice that my fever is wriggling around inside me, a pressure building up like it's about to burst open. I press my fingertips into my temples, gritting my teeth.

I don't actually scream "don't come out," though.

Imagining tightly screwing on a lid, I shut it back away, then breathe a sigh of relief. It hadn't been for very long, but fighting against the devouring has actually made me hungry. I reach over and pick up the sandwich my family had left for me. I take a big bite then, while I chew noisily, start thinking about personal appearance and greetings.

"Now this is the biggest problem: looking after our appearance and giving proper greetings. Neither of us really know to what extent a merchant needs to prepare their appearance, or what kind of greetings and phrases are unique to merchants, if any..."

I have some idea of what the work clothes, which we will have to buy, are like, having seen the various employees at both Benno's shop and the Merchant's Guild. I have no idea how much any of that would actually cost, so I'll need to verify that with Benno later.

As for the greetings, those are on the list of things I want someone to teach me. I already know that people here don't ever greet each other by bowing, but I don't know what the correct way to greet someone in the merchant world actually is. All I've seen is people smiling at others who they've just met while lying through their teeth. Although, I have a hunch that neither Benno nor the guild leader had been doing any sort of typical greeting.

At some point, while I was staring at the board I got from Benno and thinking hard, I gradually drifted off to sleep again. When I wake up, I see my family's already returned home, and are busy bringing their various pork products into the storage room.

"Welcome back," I say. "Oh, hello, Maine! Did we wake you? How are you feeling?" "...Better, I think."

Now that I'm awake, I actually feel very refreshed, so I think my fever's gone down. Tomorrow, I'll still be staying at home so we can wait and see, but the day after tomorrow I think I'll be able to move around again.

The next day, Lutz, with a basket strapped to his back, stops by to pay me a visit on his way to the forest. Although my fever's gone down, today's another day in which I shouldn't be leaving my bed, so I'm extremely happy to have someone to talk to, even if it's only for a little bit.

"Hey, Maine! I heard you're feeling better? Tory told me a little while ago, when she met me downstairs." "Yeah, since last night. I'm staying home all day today to make sure, but tomorrow I think I'll be able to go out." "Oh, okay! It's been a long time since you've been sick for so long, I was worried."

It seems that both Lutz and my family have been very worried, since I haven't had a fever that's lasted this long in quite some time.

"You missed helping prepare the pork this year, too." "Ahhh, it just can't be helped, this time of year."

I've slowly become more-or-less used to going to the butcher's and seeing chickens get sliced up, but there's no way I can go along with the rest of the family thinking that I'm going to enjoy this once-per-year experience. I still can't even make myself want to participate. I actually caught myself thinking that I was so lucky that it came and went while I was still stuck in bed with a fever.

"Yesterday," I say, "I looked over the board that Mister Benno left us and put together an education plan for us. Tomorrow, I'd like to go to Mister Benno's shop, return this board, and ask him if I could buy a calculator, maybe..." "...Oh, that's right, what's on that board, anyway?"

Lutz claps his hands together, apparently having only just remembered that the board even existed, and leans forward curiously. He looks like he's ready to listen to every word.

"It's related to the education apprentices get. Lutz, how much of your letters and numbers do you think you remember?" "All the ones you taught me...?" he says, tilting his head doubtfully at me like the answer was obvious.

Startled, I open my eyes wide. I didn't expect in the slightest that he'd completely remember everything.

"What? Really?! You don't usually use them, but you haven't forgotten any?!" "...Well, you know, it's so rare for someone to be able to teach me things, so once I finally learned how to write, I didn't want to forget, so I kept writing on the ground or the wall with my finger, and then after I bought my slate I've been practicing on that ever since." "Lutz, that's amazing!"

Lutz is an even harder worker than I thought. Wait, no; I've still been thinking that it's only natural that people get educated, and that it's easy to get any information you want whenever you want it. I wonder if this is too naive? I've never actually thought about not wanting to learn knowledge that I'd finally received. After all, if I ever forgot it, I could just get a book and read about it again. If I just remembered what kind of books I can find things in, then I could easily obtain, on demand, any information that I wanted. I've never had a need to memorize the entire contents of it before.

"Nah, I'm not amazing at all. You're the amazing one, being able to read really large numbers like you can." "Then, I can teach you how to read big numbers too! Pick up that slate."

I teach him about the ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, ten thousands, and ever-larger digits. The town marketplace uses three-digit numbers, so he can read those easily, but it seems he doesn't understand numbers larger than that. Holding the slate in place, I run through the digits until Lutz starts counting along with me. After reading them aloud many times, I write up a series of suitably large numbers on the slate.

"Alright, question one. How do you read 78,946,215?" "Ummm, one, ten, hundred, thousand, ten thousand, hundred thousand, million, ten million, so..."

Lutz tackles each problem earnestly and, in no time at all, starts to be able to read numbers up to the ten millions. I wonder what's higher, his memory or his concentration skills? Lutz's specs are way higher than I thought they'd be. We'll be able to put a ton of effort into studying this winter.

If he's this smart... there's not actually a single thing I can actually beat him in, is there?

As I start feeling a little sorry for myself, Tory comes back up from downstairs, bringing a bucket of water from the well with her. When she sees Lutz, she shouts in surprise.

"What the... Lutz?! Weren't you supposed to go to the forest? Everyone else left already, you know?!" "Yikes! Sorry, Maine. I gotta go! Thanks for teaching me!"

Panicking, Lutz shoots to his feet, then dashes out the door. At that speed, he should be able to catch up to everyone else well before they even reach the gate.

The next day, my family grants me permission to leave the house, so Lutz and I head out to Benno's shop in the afternoon, when he has the free time to meet with us. However, when we arrive, the entrance is closed, and a single guard stands quietly outside.

"Huh?" I say. "I guess it's still lunchtime..." "Want to go back to the central square and sit down for a bit? Standing around the whole time would be really hard, right?" "Yeah, you're right. Finding someplace to sit down sounds like a really good idea right now."

As the two of us discuss how we're going to kill the time, the guard beckons to us, as if he's completely recognized our faces.

"I'll go ask the master if it's okay to let you two in. Would please you wait here for a moment?" "Yes, sir, and thank you!"

The guard disappears into the shop, then immediately returns, opening the door wide to let us in. Inside, the shop is gloomy with the windows and doors shut. He leads us briskly back to the office in the back and opens the door. Inside, the sunlight streams brightly in through the window, and a brilliant fire burns within the hearth.

"Maine, are you feeling better now?"

Benno, who seems to have been in the middle of some work, sets aside his pen and ink and stands to greet us.

"Yes, sir. I've come to return this board to you. I also have some questions I'd like to ask, is that okay?" "Sure, go ahead. I've got some things I'd like to talk with you about too, but you two go first."

Benno gestures to the table we usually sit at, and prompts me to begin.

"Thank you very much for lending me this," I say. "Thanks to it, I was able to form some ideas about a plan for studying during the winter." "Oh?" "Ummm, as I was reading it, a few questions occurred to me. I understand that taking care of our appearance and giving proper greetings is necessary, but to what degree do we need to take care of our appearance? Also, if merchants have any specific greetings or phrases, unfortunately neither of us actually know them."

"Ahh," he says, studying us carefully.

"To start with, although you two are commoners living near the south gate, you aren't grungy at all, so all you need to worry about is your work clothes. You can get the minimum for about ten small silver coins, so if you start saving now, then by the summer you could probably afford it." "Ten small silver coins...," mumbles Lutz, dumbfounded. "I'm so glad I copied Maine and saved some away..."

To Lutz, whose mother spins thread and makes all of the clothes for her family, the concept of spending ten small silver coins on clothing and shoes comes as an enormous shock. I'm shocked as well, but clothing here is not something you get off the shelf. It's all made to order, so I thought that the price was going to be something around those lines. It's definitely very expensive, but it's still something that we could buy if we work very hard come springtime to earn money making paper.

"Next is your manner of speech. Maine, you're okay, but Lutz, you need work. You need to learn how to speak politely, otherwise I can't put you out in front of customers the way you talk now."

Lutz, having been singled out, is at a loss for words. Picking up how to speak politely is really difficult if nobody around him does it either. I try to think about who the best person for him to imitate would be, out of all the people we know.

"You could use Mister Mark as a reference for speaking politely." "...Urrrgh, it makes me really kinda... itchy, though."

I can sympathize with the unstable sort of feeling of being suddenly told to change one's manner of speech to something that's entirely unlike yourself. However, if he's unable to do so, he won't be able to stand out in the front of the shop. This is doubly true in Benno's shop, which is rapidly growing its base of noble clientele. If we want to climb to the top, we absolutely need to learn how to manage our appearance, our speech, and our manners.

"That's okay," I reassure him. "You can do it if you try! You know how Benno usually talks one way, then in front of customers he's suddenly speaking very politely? It would be great if you could do the same thing when you're dealing with customers, too."

Even though I've never actually seen Benno switch to a more polite manner of speech, even when talking to the guild leader, I'm certain that if he thought he had to, he could do it in a heartbeat. Otherwise, he'd be a terrible fit for a merchant.

"There's no real need for you to talk super politely to me or your family, you know? Also, when I'm talking with the guild leader or Mister Benno, I use different words than I do when I'm talking to you, right? Does that make you itchy. too?" "Now that you say that... nah, I guess not. You talk normally to me, so I guess I never really noticed."

If you can smoothly switch between modes, it's not something you ever notice. Even if you start out being uncomfortable with it, as you keep using polite speech, you rapidly become used to it.

"So, for the words you're going to be using just at work, why don't you try practicing how Mister Mark speaks? Start with things like addressing people as 'sir' and 'ma'am' and using 'please' and 'thank you' more often... I believe that would best, wouldn't you agree?"

As I switch to more polite phrasing for the last sentence, Lutz nods in comprehension.

"Yeah, sounds good, sir!" "Argh, no! I'm a girl, say 'ma'am'!" "Snrk! Gaahahahaha!"

Benno, having watched our exchange, erupts in a belly-bursting laugh, slapping the table uproariously, wiping tears from his eyes and clutching his sides.

"Ahaha... well, I have no idea how far you two can get over the winter, but keep at it, kids."

He shows no sign of calming down, so I peer at him in mild disapproval, though it doesn't seem to do much. I clench my fist tightly, resolving that we're going to make so much progress this winter that he'll be shocked. This jogs my memory, and I remember the favor I wanted to ask of him.

"Ah, that's right! Mister Benno?" "What's up?" "I'd like a calculator so that I can work on learning how to use it. If I can't practice, I won't be able to really master it."

Mark is capable of using his calculator very quickly, flicking beads around with his fingers while simultaneously thinking of the next steps. I probably won't be able to get quite as good as him, but for things like abacuses, practice is very important.

"A calculator, hmm... If a secondhand one from my shop is alright with you, I can sell it for six large copper coins. How does that sound? Can the two of you share one?" "Yes sir, thank you very much."

Lutz and I tap our guild cards together with Benno's, agreeing to pay him three coins each. He then gives us our new calculator.

"We'll be able to study math with this, Lutz." "Yeah," he replies. "Did you have anything else you wanted to ask?" says Benno.

Something immediately flashes to mind.

"Ah, I'll need to order a new contract sheet-sized paper frame before springtime, if that's not too much trouble..." "Just fill out an order form. Mark already knows what you're looking for, he can go handle it." "Huh? But..."

When we'd been going around to various places to place our orders, Mark had told us that if we weren't there ourselves to describe what we wanted, there's no telling what kind of trouble we might get ourselves into. I don't think leaving it all to him is the best idea.

"I've got something else I need you to do for me. Hey, just write it down, okay?"

Urged onwards, I draw my ordering set out of my tote bag. By now, I'm down to a single board that I can use for ordering.

"Mister Benno, it seems that I'm running out of boards for order forms..." "Yeah, you've done a lot of ordering, haven't you. I'll get you some more." "Whoa! I've almost run out of ink, too!"

Not only have I written a lot of orders, but when we were working on our prototypes, it was necessary for me to use even more ink in order to test how easy it was to write on the paper. I've used quite a lot of it by now.

When I say that, Benno's face tightens sharply. "...I want to charge you for this, but... well, whatever. I'll call this part of my initial investment."

I'm a little shocked by this. Otto had said that ink was very expensive and thus not a child's plaything. However, I'd never heard how much it actually cost.

Timidly, I ask, "If you'll pardon the digression, might I ask how much a bottle of ink would cost?" "About four small silver coins each." "Eek?!"

Lutz and I couldn't afford it even if we scraped together everything we've saved so far!

"Use it carefully," he warns me. "Y... yes, sir. Of course!"

I'd been thinking that I wanted some ink of my own to use for my book-making project, but I think I'll have to give up on trying to buy it. Using my leftover soot pencils is probably my best bet.

My pen scratches at the surface of the board as I write out my order. I'm very used to this by now. The tip of the pen quickly dulls, but Lutz immediately sharpens it again for me. I ask Benno to get an average-sized contract for me, use my tape measure to determine its size, and finish writing out the rest of the order.

Benno looks over my completed form, then nods slightly.

"No mistakes or spelling errors at all. I'll get this over to Mark. ...Maine, if you don't get that paper frame and can't make any paper, I'll be in just as much trouble as you. Don't worry about it, I'll make sure it's done right." "Thank you very much, sir."

I'm relieved to hear Benno say that he'll take responsibility for making sure it'll be made correctly. Breathing out slowly, I tidy up my ordering set.

"...Is that all you wanted to talk about, you two?" "Yes, sir," I say, nodding emphatically.

Benno sits up straight, his expression going serious. Guessing that this is going to be a discussion about some sort of transaction, Lutz and I straighten up as well.

"Well then, I've got something I'd like to ask as well. Maine, it's about the hair-washing liquid you taught me how to make." "What is it?"

I'd explained how to make it quite a ways back, when we were still in the middle of prototyping our paper, on one of the days where we were borrowing the key for the warehouse. I should have already told him everything. Since I've already relinquished all of my rights to it thanks to the contract magic, I have no idea whatsoever about what he could possibly have to ask after all this time. As I study him curiously, my head tilted to the side, his expression grows increasingly troubled as he opens his mouth to speak.

"You told me that melil oil is best oil to use, so I've been gathering it until now, but..." "Huh? Shouldn't melil be almost out of season? Have you not made anything yet?"

Lutz and I exchange glances. Melil should be about out of season. The two of us had gathered a lot of it already and made it all into simple shampoo. I would have thought that Benno, who is constantly seeking profit, would have started production a long time ago and would have sold a large quantity of it since then.

"Well, I'd acquired a large crop of them, and had a workshop start making it, but the other day they came to me and said that it wasn't coming out right, even if they made it exactly the way you said. Can you think of any reason that might be?"

I frown as I think about what he said. Fundamentally, the entire procedure boils down to just smashing, then pressing, then mixing in scents. I can't think of any place in the process that could actually go wrong. I tilt my head to the side in confusion, as does Lutz, who has helped me make shampoo countless times.

"...Even if they're saying it's not turning out right, if you're making simple shampoo, then... it's not a very difficult process, is it?" "I know, right?"

I have a ton of ideas on how to make it better, if I only had the ingredients, but in its current simple form, I can't think of a reason why it would ever fail. It always turned out the same no matter if it was me, Tory, or Lutz who was making it.

"I really didn't want to bring you out, but if we don't manage to complete this, then this will turn into something the contract magic would have to deal with. Sorry, but could you come with me to the workshop?" "Yes, sir!" I reply.

If I recall correctly, the penalties for violating a magical contract are very severe. In the worst case, they could even mean death. As soon as I cutely chirp out my immediate response, though, Lutz grabs hold of my arm.

"Maine, I think you should probably stop for today. Your fever's only barely just gone back down, and you're not all the way back to normal, right?"

Lutz is correct, but in this season there's not going to be a whole lot of time where I'm actually at peak health. This is definitely a season where my fever could flare up at any point, if I'm even just a little bit unprepared. If just not having a fever doesn't count as being healthy, then I'd never be able to leave my house for anything.

"But I don't know how long it'll take me to get totally healthy again, and if we let this go for too long then the snow is going to start falling, so we should go now, while my fever's down, right?" "Well, you're not wrong, but..."

Benno pats Lutz's worried head reassuringly. "Don't worry too much, Lutz. I'll carry her, so we won't be making her walk. Not like I can stand walking that slowly, anyway." "...Well, in that case, I guess it's okay, huh?"

With that, Benno picks me up once again, and we head out.

He asked me about what could have caused the failure, but I've never actually seen this fail before.

I wonder if he really understood me?

prev • next

[oldsoulfran]

Within (”Cem” sequel)

This is the third part of the story around Cem, the elements and the nameless girl. In case you missed the first two parts, you can read them here and here.

I highly appreciate your criticism. Hope you enjoy it.

Warning: Blood, suffocating

Word count: 1602

~~

Wildwaters are magnificent creatures due to the fact that they are equally the most and least human of the elements. Humans as well are composed of mostly water and the assumption that both creations may somehow be related can neither be confirmed nor denied. While being the most underexplored tribe of modern mankind there is one definition that everyone agrees upon: Wildwaters are deadly and should by any means not be approached. They haven´t been sighted in over two decades and were thought extinct. Few brave souls tried to hunt them down to learn their secrets and did not only vanish but have been forgotten ever since.

Lost lives are nothing new in these times of war and apathy, but have recently been overlooked instead of mourned. The previous society is no longer, and ever since our ancestors lived through the Big Quake, survival has been our only aim.

I can relate. Being trapped in a collapsed cavity way underground with your soulmate suffocating by your side, and the weight of stone on your chest while facing a nameless dark source, puts things in perspective. We had to go through this.

More so if this monstrosity had the face of death and demanded information.

Information on a girl that, frankly said, had put us in this situation.

 The sparks were twirling around my head, casting spotted shadows on the grimace, leaving me questioning whether I hallucinated or not. My chest could hardly lift itself, my lungs screamed for air. Our short breaths filled the space with even more light. The face came even closer.

“The girl”, it commanded, vibrating in the blood-streaked water and, strange enough, pulsating within me.

Cem could only see my face, with his mostly emerged in water. He would be the first to die, if not from choking or drowning then certainly from angry rocks or roots. Our time was almost up. The moonwaves were about to flood the site.

“Ida” I mouthed, wincing in pain. “I know her.”

The water around us both flared and calmed, now bathing Cems lips with its foul waves. The air that managed to pump into my lungs was all funk, no supply.

“I can take you.. to see Ida” I gasped under heavy breaths. “We need to breathe. The cave below.. please.. air.”

Cem spat in my face, foaming up the warm bath we decayed in.

Then slowly, falling. Surrounded by warmth and ease. Then again, stone and nervous fingers palming my face. The rocks humming in my back. Sporadic coughing and panting, swearing too.

Cem.  

His body slid aside and was no longer within reach. I had to make sure he was okay, but I couldn´t get up. The pain in my chest was now so severe that breathing became nearly impossible, even more so than before. My lips grew numb and as I turned my head I knew why – the wildwaters still sat on my chest.

They had several faces with no body, all blurred with one exception: One of them looked almost human. And I could sense worry in it for some reason. Too bad I could no longer talk.

“Please, leave her be” Cem pled. “We want to help. We can´t help when you harm her.” His raspy voice resonated around me, a few sparks of warm light from afar.

The wildwaters spread over my shoulders to my neck, covering half of my body.

“Help her, for Ida”, said Cem soundless. “We won´t fight you.”

I closed my eyes as air flooded my lunges and my chest regained space, sending bright white sparks from my lips. The numbness resigned from within, flushing my muscles with new strength. The ground beneath me warmed up, gently embracing my back. The wildwaters ceased to flow over my skin and settled on the stone between Cem and me, merging with themselves. As I recovered, droplets reshaped into something seemingly human. They looked like an old woman, kneeling beside us. Their expressions were no longer maimed, but finally pictured the trouble in a familiar face.

“Ida is your daughter”, I realized and finally lifted myself up. A look around convinced me that we must have sank back into the cave I once brought the fluff faced kid in. It was fully drained. Cem dragged himself next to me and leaned in to shield me from the person beside us.

“What did you do to her?” he warily asked while grabbing my arm tight. “Is she hurt?”

“I heal”, said the women, her small hands wrapped around her arms. “She is fine.”

Cem now turned away from her and searched my face for anything to blame her for, a nick in my skin or a bruise on my neck. I tried to concentrate on him, but couldn´t. Voices resonated in my head, whispering from the rocks, long forgotten words from their past selves in a pattern I couldn´t understand. Cems hands now touched my face. The stone beneath me lowered their humming and silenced after sending a final thought – she means no harm.

I turned to Cem. “I´m good and so is she.”

The dried blood on the corner of his mouth peeled off as he cracked a tired smile. “We don´t know that.”

“We do.” With a hand on the ground I asked the rocks to lift me to my feet and as they did, I approached the woman. “The rocks say you mean no harm and I believe them, but they may be wrong. I have to be sure. Who are you?”

“I am a mother to the daughter you know as Ida”, she answered, gaze firmly on her hands. “And I am what your people call wildwaters.” She looked up with sharp featured lips. “My name is Ori.”

“Why do you want to know where Ida is?” Cem asked. “Why ask us?”

“This war at Melting Pot, where few survive, it tires me. The dead don´t speak. And you”, she pointed at Cem “You have her stench on you.”

Cem didn´t respond, I wasn´t even sure he´d been listing. He was still sitting with his upper body hunched over his knees. His hands grabbed his thighs hard, revealing white knuckles. He was in more pain than he could handle and he hasn´t been well the past weeks either. My heart grew louder in my chest.

Then it struck me.

“Why won´t you heal him? He is injured and can bring you to Ida.” I was shaking. She may not mean harm, but she wasn´t helping either.

“If I heal him”, she responded “He will never tell me where she is.”

Her gaze rested on me, wise and old beyond time. The colour of her eyes seemed to change and for a moment I wasn´t even sure if I could remember their colour and doubted I´ve ever seen it before. Waves of calmness ran through me. At the same time, the rocks screamed sharp in my bones.

“Don´t sooth my anger, Ori”, I hissed. She wouldn´t wash away my resistance. “The moonwaves are here. Soon there will be chaos all around us and even you won´t be able to stop it!”

She closed her eyes, gently rocking back and forth. “You must be friends with the rocks. Never before have I seen someone survive so long within them.”

“The rocks are my home. We are equals.” My voice was too bitter to be manipulated.

“Then you should be able to return to your home unharmed”, she concluded, nodding slowly. “And you can take me with you.”

“They won´t hold you. I can only hold one other person…” I fell silent. “You have to abandon your human figure. That is the only way we can escape this cave.”

Cem now fell to his knees, cramming his hands in my hips. Still not a word from him, only desperate gasping. I sat down beside him and pressed him against me, glaring at Ori. “And quick. You wasted enough of our time, wildwaters.”

“Hold my hand and don´t let go.” She hesitated. “I never learned your name.”

“You may someday if we make it out of here.” I laid Cem down and hugged him, it wasn´t ideal but we had to try.

Ori reached for my hand, the ocean in her eyes. As my fingers touched her skin, she melted into a faceless mass of drops, curling into a ball of water. Seconds later, cold spikes pierced my hand as I held a clump of ice.

“I will learn your name sooner or later, stonebreeder”, whispered a warm sensation in my flesh. “Now, go with the rocks.”

 We fled the cave unharmed and managed to reach our hideout before the full moon.

Ori reshaped as Cem curled beside me, now moaning in pain. I pled the rocks to sooth him and also tried to call for leaves and roots but failed. Woodlings never accepted me as their friend and have been avoiding me ever since a particularly exhausting dive a few weeks back. So without any help, I could only hold him and listened to his sobs. Fear waited on the corners of my eyes, trying to pull me in. I was not strong enough to get help and sleep was tearing me down beside Cem.

Every time I pled for Ori to heal him, she looked at me and I calmed, having to regain my despair to call her out again. When sunrise came Cems head rested against my chest, his breath flat and weak.

For one final demand I turned to Ori. I would not let him die.

But Ori was gone.

~~

Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading <3

To keep up with Cem and his nameless friend, read Part 4 and Part 5, Part 6, Part 7.

[datingadviceonreddit]

This is gonna be a long story and may not be as full of thrill as you might expect, but I would really appriciate any advice or insight I could get, so bear with me, if you can.Tldr: Manipulative ex gf thanked me for getting her through school and family isssues for 8 years by screwing her coworker and letting me find the used panties.Since there´s a lot of talk about abuse in relationships I´ve come to think about my last relationship and whether my (27m) ex-gf (25f) emotionally abused me. This is in no form a talk of physical abuse, but coming out of the bubble I was in, when I was still with her, I think that some things she did to me would be considered insane, if a guy did that to his girl.For background: I met my ex-gf when I was 18. She was 16 and seemed like the sweetest girl in the world. She was exactly my type, sweet, caring and came from a shitty family background, which I absolutely do not. Not only did I fell madly in love with her, I also wanted to help her overcome all the losses and insecurities she had dealt with. Her father was a women hating alcoholic pos that died when she was 13 and most likely killed himself. He had told her literally since the day she was born that she was trash, because she was a girl. When the nurse said he had become father to a wonderful daughter he replied with "well the dumb ones loose their cock". So that´s the kind of guy that had indoctrinated her to think she was worthless and would end up like her mother. Her mum was kind, but also one of the dumbest and most ignorant people I have ever met. During the 8 years of our relationship I have met so many new "step dads" for my ex, that I´m pretty sure I must have forgotten some.For the first two years our relationship was seemingly fine. I showed her that she could become anything she wanted, helped her with school, with bullies, her idiotic mother, her ignorant brother and so much stuff, my life basically consisted of nothing more than making sure she was alright. She had depression, an eating disorder and on top of that she had a habit of taking care of any animal she could get her hands on. When we first met, she had three cats, two bunnies and a horse. When we split it was still three cats, a dog, the horse and a pony. Financing almost everything about them alone and taking care of them 24/7 while doing school or working. This has made up a huge part of our live and tbh - I miss this so much it breaks my heart.I admired her for caring for all of them and over the years I got so involved I took care of the animals like they were my own. I have spent nights and days at our barn making sure the horses were fine and raised our dog for 7 years with her. Loosing the dog was the worst part for me honestly.Anyways during the first two years she kinda looked up to me I guess. I helped her through school, getting a job and eventually to become a nurse. I accompanied her to exams, even pretty much wrote a major paper for her (I know) and what not.I cant really tell at what point the dynamic shifted but I guess it was somewhere around our third year together. She always had a temper and when she got mad, it was like all she could see was red and the things she sometimes said to me were so humiliating and mean that today I would walk out the second the first thing came out of anyones mouth.It got worse and worse and to give you a bigger picture I will list some things out of the last two years:- She twisted anything I said all the time. Sometimes she raged all of a sudden over a thing I had allegedly said the day before. She made up entire conversations that had never happened and when I called out this bs she came up with things like "so youre calling me a liar" and the fight continued from there on- she constantly accused me of cheating even though I was carrying her on my hands like a princess, caring for her and her pets 24/7 and if I got mad, she got even more mad, insisting that I had no right to get mad over the accusation, because that would be a sign they were true. I had caught her texting at least two guys she lied to me about in a semi explicit way, but of course when I caught her it was my fault.- She called me names, yelled at me, told me to fuck off and when I left she said if I would leave we´d be done.It was like that at least once every two weeks, probably more often.Im sorry if this is a little confusing to follow. It is hard to grasp being humiliated and manipulated over a course of years and put it into sentences.Still, here is something that really stuck with me.I was going on walks with her horses and her at least four times a week. It was hard work, and she constantly told me how bad I was at handling the horses and what not, even though pressuring me and punishing me if I did not come along, because she had more work to do then. When we went on walks we would bring large garbage bags and gloves to pick up the horse sht. We were walking through neighborhoods and streets and didnt want to leave it jus there. That one day she told me to get the bags so we could go. I went into your shed, grabbed them from the usual chair they were on and put them into my pocket. These are regualy folded trash bags from a role like you probably use every other day. So at some point the horse does its duty and I hand my ex-gf the bag, she unfolds it and sees it has a giant hole at the bottom which was not visible before. It was a fabrication mistake which you could only see once you really wanted to use it. She then screamed at me on a street in full daylight with people around how dumb I was to not see this before, if I could do anything right and tbh, it was the ususal talk for me. I told her there was no way of knowing for me and that I had just taken them from the usual place. She then told me that she had already known that apparently the whole role had been like this but she did not throw them away. So she knew I would grab these and it would play out like this or just didnt think about it herself. She literally screamed at me and still insisted I was too stupid to do basic tasks and here comes the part that was really bad for me.Apparently she had also forgotten to bring the gloves we use to pick the shit up and since it was my fault the bag was broken I would have to pick the shit up with my bare hands. I really dont find horse shit gross compared to dog or whatever shit but it still is what it is and it was a lot. There was screaming at me not to be a little bitch and pick up the shit and find a way the bag will hold it. The worst thing for me about this that I was actually on my knees, over the pile and I was so close to pick it up, it makes me sick thinking about it. Eventually I told her Im not doing it, she just walked away silently and told me once we´re back at the barn I could leave.Now you wonder, why I didnt leave. Its simple. I loved her more than anything. She had a habit to apologize so sincerely a day after her usual tantrums, I just believed her. She would come a day later and tell me that she would just get consumed by rage and couldnt help but talking like while at the same time not meaning anything of it sincerely. Shed tell me shed love me, be nothing without me, love the way I treat her and her animals and that I should believe her that nothing of what she says in rage mode is what she actually feels. I always believed that. For 8 damn years I believed this shit.The last year was one of the best and still the worst. We moved in together after she had finished becoming a nurse and me almost finishing law school. We had fixed her relationship with her mother, her brother, got her her dream job and I dont want to be an asshole but I had guided her through all of it. Her family was a full on nightmare when it came to communication and I had always felt like the only sane person at the table being with them. The reason this is important is, I always excused her irrational behaviour with the trouble and stress that was always constant in her life. Her horse had also been sick for years and for the first time we could sleep without fearing it would be dead on the grass the next morning.So the foundation was good. At least thats what I thought. I remember two weeks before the relationship ended, she asked me whether I was still planning to marry her. I looked at her as honestly as I could and said yes and I meant it with all my heart. You shouldve seen the look on her face. She was the happiest girl in the world and I was sure this would be a turning point.Then she had a christmas party from work. I drove her there so she could drink. Told her to enjoy herself, she had deserved it after all the stress and I would pick her up till 3 in the morning because Id have to feed the horses at 7 and needed at least a bit of sleep.She did not react to my messages once and came home at around 5:30. Told me she had danced a lot with a coworker that had hit on her prior and I was pissed, but trusted her and did not want to ruin her one night out right after it ended. That was on a friday. The next morning, saturday, everything was fine. I had taken out the horses and we went on a 3 hour walk with them in the afternoon and I had to study after that for the rest of the day. She was sweet to me but kinda hung on her phone a lot and always made sure to take it with her everytime she left the room, which was kind of suspicious to me but I thought Id just be paranoid.So far everything still was fine. On sunday it all changed. She got up in the morning and was pissed right away. We had plans for the day and she canceled them because of light rain which usually never bothered us. She acted pissed until early afternoon and suddenly told me shed go see the horses. I wanted to join her but she wanted to go alone and walk there. That was a thirty minute walk in rain and by the time shed have walked back once she was done there it wouldve been dark outside and people got robbed a lot where we had to walk. I let her go and once it was time to feed the horses I got in my car to suprise her, so she wouldnt have to walk home in the dark. When I arrived all hell broke loose. Suddenly she told me that ever sinced I moved in with her she had no real home anymore. That I was just a dog to her, not a real man and that I was taking the air she breathed from her. She said shed go to bed early cause thats the only time she could spent without me. Just to note this here, she had yelled at me numerous times because I couldnt go to bed with her because I had to study.The idiot I was I still offered her to ride her home and then go to my brothers place so she could get some peace and we had a chance to talk at night or in the morning. Well she did not have any of that and told me to fuck off. I drove to my brother, she walked home and we only talked the next morning when she broke up with me and kicked me out.Two days later she called me to tell me something. Of course we couldnt meet at a neutral place, I had to come to her and we talked were our (her) horses stood with my australian shepherd I had raised for 7 years and never saw again after that day. She told me she had fucked her coworker. I dont know what happened at the christmas party but I guess they did not fuck there, but made out or something. Then the day after she kicked me out she went over while his gf was at work so they could screw. Not 24hours later after she had broken up with me, who had taken care of her for so long. She did not tell me this to rub it into my face. She wanted to come clean I guess. But the worst thing about this was what she told me after that confession. She said she knows how bad she treated me over all these years, the things she said to me, the manipulation and all of that and that she had come to the realization, everything she ever told me while she was raging and then took back was what she truly thought of me. That I was no man for her, just a dog following her orders. She had no reason at all to tell me this, I dont know why she did it, but even tough this was 1,5years ago I still think about this every day.I left and wanted to hug my dog one last time. That little thing was so shaken, she wouldnt leave my ex-gfs side, leaving my last interaction with her, her backing away from me and completely refusing to let me touch her. Thinking of this makes me die a little inside. The next day I went over to our flat to get my stuff. I had to go through the laundry basket to get the last of my unwashed clothes out of there and right on top was the thong completely covered in jizz she wore when he fucked her. The nicest present she could have made me to get the hell out of there. Did I mention that the day after she fucked him she actually called me, panicking and asking me whether Id remember the last times she had taken her pill. I had no idea of the other guy at that point and assured her the last time we had sex was a while ago so it woulnt matter.Guess she panicked after he nutted raw in her.The funny thing about this is that this and her cheating was one of the things that kept me from suicide. It was a really close call in all honesty, but even though I was in such a bad shape that I lost 60 pounds in 8 weeks because I could not eat or sleep the last bit of pride kept me alive. I did not want to go out because of some bitch that rather fucked some other cheater than keeping the one that loved her more than himself.Hats off if you made it this far. I will end this on a positive note. Im taken again. Shes wonderful. I have grown as a person so much, I think Im nowhere near the same guy and never will be again. The day my ex saw me updating my relationship status on facebook, she stalked my gf and since you could see the bar shes a waitress at, she was there the very next day checking her out. Accompanied by her coworker of course, who is still with his gf that he cheated on.My ex messaged me lately because covid, wishing me and my family the best after I had not heard from her in about a year. I replied with "thanks, you too." I want to be a good person. Im glad I made it out of this abusive (?) relationship. Will put a tldr at the top and fix typos later.God I miss my dog. via /r/dating_advice

[ayz8yf9q-blog]

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