#If I was Aro-Ace this would definitely be something I would wear in real life!

[i-really-like-phrogs]

Movie Lydia Re-Draw from Last Year

Here’s an Old Vs. New comparison!

[max--phillips]

Hello!

I am sorry for coming on anon - I can resend this with my name (am a long time follower, back from s1 Mando times, in my late 20's), if you'd feel more comfortable answering this in private.

I have some nonbinary friends, but everyone's experience is different and I'd love your insight/opinion, if you have some.

Lately, I've been having Thoughts about gender. I've never felt particularly Connected to being a woman, I am just /me/. I wonder if I am so neutral to being called any pronouns, especially they/them, because I am terminally online and it doesn't really mean anything here, same way people will often say bro or queen in this gender non-specific way. Or because I am detached from my gender as a whole.

I'd love to experience how I'd feel about passing as someone whose gender is not immediately certain, but there are several problems: I am plus size and with heavy chest (I've never liked my body, but lately I loathe it more than ever and the thought of having less chest doesn't upset me), plus I have my own style which, ultimately, is instantly seen as quite feminine (embroidery, lace, intricate jewelry, some sparkle), especially paired with my chest and round baby face.

So, I sit here wondering just how to achieve that for a try-out. Should I ditch my style completely, though it feels /me/, and get some second hand clothes that would pass as masculine and try wearing them and see how that works? Binder feels like large investment for something I don't know if I will want to use long-term, we're in lockdown right now and I can't even buy a good sports bra that would genuinely flatten me down. Is there something I've not thought of that could help with this?

I've thought about switching to she/they pronouns, but my language doesn't even have singular they/them pronoun use so I feel like I'd be lying somehow, using it only online? Is that a common thing to do, when you're in language trap? And I wonder if it's not kind of like lying, if I never come out in real life and nothing about how I am irl changes, only one pronoun online. I am ace/aro-spec, so it's not that I'm trying to subconsciously squeeze into LGBTQIA+ spaces, but I cringe inwardly that someone might feel as if I'm just collecting labels. I have hard time defining my feelings/being firm about my experiences, even if something feels right.

This turned out longer than I anticipated, I've thought about sending this for several months now. Sorry for info dumping and barging in your inbox like that. Thank you for your time and consideration, no matter how much of this you read and answer to! - R

Heya! No worries. I know that a lot of this kind of stuff can be A Lot to talk about, so I totally understand. And I have no issue answering your questions!! And and, no need to apologize for infodumping in my inbox. All good! Onwards to the important stuff:

I totally relate to not really being connected to being a woman. I've said it before, but my only connection to "womanhood" is being a lesbian. Growing up I never let myself be put into a box; in fact in elementary school when the teachers would have kids get into a "boys" line and a "girls" line I would routinely get into the "boys" line because I guess I thought I was being rebellious or something but honestly, I was just gay & nb and didn't know sfldjdfg so, it's not necessarily something you get from being "terminally online." If you think back to before you were online, can you think of any times where gender labels didn't mean anything to you? I definitely think that in certain circles gendered language means less and less (like you said, "bro" and "queen" and "king" and all that stuff), but I feel like it's more of a symptom of more nonbinary people making themselves known and the general degendering of just... things in general that's been happening lately, though that can definitely make more people realize they might also be nb.

The beauty of gender and expression is that nonbinary doesn't have a "look" and, regarding your style, you can ABSOLUTELY do both. You can keep what you have, what you know you like, but also maybe go to a thrift store and pick up some clothes that look more masculine. Hell, even just going out and trying some stuff on without actually buying anything might give you a better idea of what you want to add to or change about your style, if anything. As for the binding thing: if and when you're able to, I definitely recommend getting a sports bra that might compress your chest situation some. If you can, ordering online might be helpful, but I don't know what the extent of your lockdown is. As for binding: whatever you do Do Not use ace bandages to bind please for the love of god, BUT, you can do something called open chest binding (here's a pretty good guide from a company that makes tape for that purpose) where you basically tape down your breasts in a very similar way to how traditional binders compress the tissue. It may be a cheaper option for you to look into. That being said, if you like how it looks... looking into a binder wouldn't be a bad idea! (Or even top surgery or a reduction!)

Using certain pronouns in one language and different ones in another is pretty common as far as I can tell. Nonetheless, using she/they online isn't lying. If anything, it's being as true to yourself as you can. And that's really what all of this is about, right? Being unabashedly you in the environment you find yourself in, and making the best of what you have. Like I said before; nonbinary doesn't have a look. Anyone can be nonbinary. And honestly, like, personally my outward appearance hasn't changed that much since I was in high school. I've always just sorta been that kid that wears jeans and a t-shirt and a hoodie, yknow? So making a change when you come out as nb is also not necessary.

I think my biggest piece of advice for you is this: fuck what anyone else thinks, and do what makes you happy. Sure, there are asswads on this website and around the internet who might think you're "collecting labels" or not valid or some ~special snowflake~ or whatever. Unfortunately there are always going to be assholes. But, if it makes you feel good, if it's more comfortable, if it does feel right, then chase that feeling and ignore the detractors. I know its easier said than done; I also historically have had issues with standing up for myself in situations where my pronouns are in question (and sometimes still do). But, if you make a space for yourself, even if its just online, you immediately start to become more comfortable with that part of yourself, and somewhere along the line it does, indeed, get easier. So, even if it's just online, even if you only wear your masc clothes in your bedroom alone, even if you never tell a single soul you know in real life about your gender... it doesn't make it any less real, and you should do what you can to make yourself happy.

If you think of anything else or have questions or anything, lemme know, I'm an open book 💖

[yikesharringrove]

Changing the theme a bit, since I saw you dont hate Jonathan thank goddd, maybe Jonathan having to ask Steve and Billy for tips because he's aro or ace? Or something he knows Lonnie wouldve actually killed him for, which Billy gets and Steve is fully willing to help soft Jonathon be a THING and they are just his gay mentors and mayhaps. Nancy just doesnt get it and it gets messy and Will just stands up for his brother in full anger and slams the door in her face and hugs jon so tight he falls

Steve is sex-positive ace, Billy is sex-repulsed, and Jon is greyace bc I’ve gotten so many messages about how many people were affected positively by showing ace diversity in that one drabble I wrote, so we’re keeping this goin’ because you’re ALL VALID. 😤

-

Jonathan had been crashing on their couch for a week and a half and has yet to say anything about the situation more than Nancy and I had a fight.

Billy and Steve didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. Jonathan was obviously fucking heartbroken over whatever the fight had been about, but they didn’t wanna pry.

“Thank you guys for taking me in. I’m sorry, I’ve probably been cramping your style.” Steve just shook his head, serving three plates of eggs and toast.

“There’s not a lot of style going on in this apartment for you to cramp.” Steve smiled at him as he placed the plates on the table. Jonathan gave him an odd look.

“What do you, what do you mean?”

“We don’t really fuck.” Billy was always the blunt one. Jonathan’s fork clattered to the table.

“You don’t, why not?”

“Neither of us are really into it.” Jonathan looked like he could fucking cry.

“Me neither. That’s what the fight was. Nancy kept asking why we don’t have sex, and if I stopped loving her, and I do! I love her so much, but I just, sometimes I feel that way about her, but I usually don’t, and I’m so fucking confused.” Steve reached out, placing a firm hand on Jonathan’s arm.

“Jon, it’s okay. I mean, I don’t think we’ve had sex in like, a year?” Billy nodded.

“It was before we actually talked about how we both felt about it.”

“And is that-” Jonathan trailed off, but they got it. Is that like me.

“I don’t mind sex. If I’m with someone who wants to have it, I can be cool with that, but I don’t always get off, and it’s more about making the other person feel good, or using it as another way to be like, intimate. But I don’t really think about it, and I can definitely go without.”

“I actively don’t like fucking. I kinda think sex is, is fucking gross. I mean, you do you and all that, but like, every time I had sex it just, it made me feel gross.” He pulled a face.

“I just, I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel for her, honestly.” Jonathan ran a hand down his face. “Sometimes, sometimes it just feels like a fucking chore. And she just, she kinda confronted me about it, and I probably could’ve worded it better, but she got so angry, and hurt, and we just, we decided to take some time apart.” He pushed the eggs around his plate. “And there are some situations that I just, I want it with her so badly, but most, most of the time I just, I just want to be with her, like just spend time with her. And she, she’s never been very good at being sensitive about things, or, or, sympathetic, and she just, she made me feel fucking broken. Like there was something wrong with me.”

“First of all, fuck her for making you feel like that.” Billy had one eyebrow raised.

“Bill-”

“No. Jonathan, you are not broken, and it sucks she made you feel that way. If she can’t be in a relationship that respects your boundaries, then she is not the one.”

Steve sighed.

“Jon, Bill’s right. A relationship should be safe. She should be more mindful of your boundaries and feelings, and should not be making you feel bad for those things. I’m not saying you should like, dump her-”

“I am.” Steve batted a hand at Billy.

“-but, if you have an open conversation with her, and nothing changes, then you are always welcome here.” Steve squeezed his arm again.

-

The talk with Nancy had been bad.

She had taken everything really personally, said that Jonathan needed to sort out his priorities and to let her know when he’s attracted to her again.

And he tried, he tried so hard to explain the way he felt, that it all comes and goes like the fucking tide, but she had put her foot down.

So he showed up back to Billy and Steve’s apartment with two more suitcases and tears in his eyes.

“I just, I know I can fake it when I need to, I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“Because forcing yourself to do shit like that sucks. Fuck Nancy for being a bitch. Figure yourself out, and then find someone who respects your boundaries.”

Billy was pacing in front of the sofa, talking sharply, pointing at Jonathan a lot. Steve had one arm over his shoulders.

“You deserve respect, Jon. And you deserve to feel safe and happy in a relationship.”.

-

He couldn’t sleep that first night.

The fight was circling in his head, over and over and over and over-

He heard the bedroom door open, and someone creep out through the living room and into the kitchen.

He looked over the back of the couch, saw a bleary eyed Steve filling a glass of water for himself, wearing one of Billy’s faded band shirts, and a pair of panties.

Jonathan laid back down before Steve could see him looking.

-

The next morning, he found himself staring at Steve.

He had put shorts on, and even a chunky cardigan while he made breakfast, but Jonathan knew.

“Can I, can I talk to you about something?” Steve smiled brightly at him. “I, um, I noticed you coming out here last night.” Steve just nodded, a look of recognition in his eyes.

“You wondering about panties?”

“Um, yeah.” Steve shrugged. “I just like ‘em. And it’s not like, a sexual thing. Sometimes they make me feel sexy, but that’s not what it’s about. I just like them. Have a lot of women’s thing.”

“What about them do you like?” Steve shrugged again.

“It’s hard to describe. I’ve never felt like, super masculine. Like, big macho tough guy, I wanna hunt and never talk about my feelings.” Steve put on a stupid-sounding deep voice for his macho man. “And I mean, not all men are like that, but that’s kind of how you’re expected to be. And women are expected to be pretty and delicate, and I’ve always related to that more. Women’s clothes help me feel that way.”

“I’ve, um, I’ve always felt that too. Not necessarily the kinda, pretty and delicate part, but the, not feeling connected to masculinity and like, what’s expected from you.” Steve set down a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Jonathan, putting one down for himself as well, and one in Billy’s empty space.

“Hold that thought, I’m gonna grab Billy. He doesn’t like it when I yell for him.” Steve patted him on the arm, and was gone for a few minutes before he returned with Billy in tow.  “Okay, Jonathan. Please continue.”

“Well, not much to say. I feel like my dad kinda always shoved that like, macho man shit on me. Would take me hunting and stuff and I just never liked it.”

“Jesus, mine did that shit too. Not with hunting, but he was all about men having their place, and women having their place.” Billy took an aggressive bite of his bacon.

“Mine was too! I got sad once when I shot a rabbit, and he called me a pussy for like, a week.”

“When my dad was layin’ into me, if he ever saw my cry, it would just get that much worse.” They were nodding at one another, trading shitty dad stories back and forth. “He would like, get mad if I helped my mom cook and shit, too.”

“God, it’s like we had the fuckin’ same dad.” Billy raised his mug at Jonathan. “It’s hard to break outta that shit, even though he’s not in your life, anymore.”

“I think so, too. I haven;t seen him in years, but every time I do something he would’ve thought was too soft, I can still hear him in my head. And you know, that’s one of the things I like about Nancy. She’s really hard, and tough, and never expected me to be that way.” And he knows that in the end, Nancy was bad news for him, not being able to love and accept him, but that aspect of their relationship was so nice, so easy.

“There doesn’t always have to be both. I mean, Steve’s more outwardly soft, but we’re both real mushy at our cores. There doesn’t have to be a big tough one and a sweet soft one. Sometimes you have elements of both and you make it work.”

“You just have to find the balance within yourself, I think. And learn to embrace the parts of you that are soft and the parts that are hard.” Jonathan was nodding vigorously at Steve. “And it’s always different. I love getting to feel soft and pretty in a dress or something, whereas Billy finds ways to be soft by taking care of things, like me and all the plants.”

“Do you think, do you think you could help me? Find that, I mean.”

“Of course! Just think of the things you already feel, things that feel right when you do them, and that’s a good starting point. And maybe that’s your photography, and maybe it’s something else.”

So they let Jonathan experiment with things to find his softness.

He would help Billy tend to the fucking garden they had on the balcony, or bake with Steve. He took a million pictures, and Steve was thriving under the camera, would put on make up and something pretty and pose around the apartment.

It was just nice.

Getting to live with these two, and train himself not to be ashamed, it was nice.

Will would come and visit quite often, and he and Jonathan spent a wonderful Saturday evening coming out to each other, and validating the ever loving shit out of one another.

Billy and Steve came home to the two brothers hugging one another on the couch and trying to hold back tears.

Steve had inserted himself into the hug while Billy patted each one of them on the head and started making dinner.

But he figured of course this would happen.

His perfect little cocoon would crumble apart at some point.

Will had come over, and Steve and Billy had gone out to dinner together, leaving the two of them to order pizza and have a movie night.

It was great, hanging out with his brother like when they were little, not a fucking care in the world.

There was a knock at the door.

“Jon, it’s me. It’s Nancy. Can we talk” Jonathan’s heart stuttered to a halt in his chest.

Will was staring at the door like maybe he could set it on fire if he glared hard enough.

Jonathan sighed, opening the door to face his fate.

“Are you seriously still mad at me?”

“Yes.” She huffed.

“C’mon. Come back home.”

“Nancy, I can’t. Not if you’re not going to respect me.”

“We were fine. I don’t know why we can’t just go back to the way we were-”

“Because I was forcing myself to do things I was uncomfortable with just to make you happy.”

“Relationships are compromise, Jonathan.”

“I know that, but when I brought up to you what wasn’t working, you refused to listen. I was the only one forfeiting my boundaries and comfort in that relationship, and I deserve more.” She rolled her eyes.

“Jesus Christ, Jonathan, this is-” Will was shoving Jonathan back, stepping between the two.

“Nancy, he’s done talking to you about this. Unless you can respect that he doesn’t always feel that way, then move the fuck on.” He slammed the door right in her face. “You don’t need her.”

Jonathan was gobsmacked. Will had never spoken to anyone like that, at least not that Jonathan’s every seen.

“Why did you...?” He trailed off, still staring at the door.

“She was pissing me off. You’re right. You compromised everything in that relationship and she couldn’t even give you the bare minimum.”

Jonathan swept Will up, hugging him as tight as he possibly could.

“Thank you.”

“You deserve better than her.”

“Yeah, I do.”

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I’m so scared that I’m gonna lose the people in my life if I come out as aro. And I also feel like I’m being some silly tumblr person by using aro terms and stuff, if that makes sense. Like, a lot of my aro journey was on tumblr, and I got a lot of other resources from aro/ace tumblr blogs too while I was questioning. Like. Most people irl won’t know half these words, won’t know what a qpr is, won’t understand or take it seriously. I feel like my whole family will be judging and mocking me if I come out and ever get in a qpr or talk about things like amatonormativity. Idk how my friends will react either. A lot of them are queer themselves, and I’m out to one of my best friends, who accepts me whole heartedly, so I’ve got that. And some other friends who I trust with my life and know would be okay with it all. By some I mean two or three. The rest I’m genuinely not sure will understand or take me seriously. What if I really am just silly and being over dramatic and over label-y and all? No one in my life knows what this is, I have no guarantee they’ll respect it, let alone understand it. My sister is ace, so she knows it, and she’s one of the people in my family I think would stick by me. But everyone else I don’t think so. And ik it’s gonna sound stupid, but everyone else I meet, they just. Won’t even know or understand or take me seriously. Bosses and strangers and potential friends and peers and all. Ik you’re not supposed to let other people drag you down and be scared of being judged or whatever, but that’s so much easier said then done, especially when it hinges on almost everyone you’ve known your whole life. And it doesn’t help that I know their doubt will only enforce my own. I struggle with believing that different attractions exist, that qprs are valid, that IM valid. Sometimes I feel like I’m making it all up, like I’m just engaging in some conspiracy theory. And another little fun point is that I often really like and get queerplatonic crushes (I forgot the term ajdbdksbdj) on people who are allo. So there’s a high chance they wouldn’t ever get in a qpr with me, even if they knew and understood what it was. I have a rlly big qp crush on this one guy rn who I just have the sneaking suspicion would most likely never be in a qpr. And even if he were, then that leaves me with the fear of him leaving me behind for a romantic partner. Ik this ask sounds really insecure and all, but I just. Can’t get over it. Like none of its real, or it’s so, so small, that I’ll lose half of my family and friends.

Honestly coming out is hard, and it’s especially hard when you don’t know how people are going to react, or you’re afraid you’ll lose their support or damage the relationship if you do come out. And it’s very normal and reasonable to be nervous about it, or have fears over it. 

I do think it’s great though you’ve already come out to a couple of people and have their support. Definitely don’t be afraid to lean on them a bit, especially as you tell other people, or make plans on how you’re going to come out to others.

Remember you don’t have to be out to everyone, or you can kind of pick and choose how you want to come out or how you want to be out. So like if there’s people you’re not that close to, and it’s not important to you that they know, you can just not bother coming out to them at all. 

You also don’t have to do the big coming out conversation where you explain exactly what aroace means to everyone too. There are other ways to be out, like wearing pride stuff/having pride stickers on your bag, having a post on your social media or putting it in your profile, etc. And then if people don’t get it or care, they can look it up or ask you themselves. 

There is a good chance your queer friends will know what aroace means too, or at the very least they’ll know what asexual means, and likely know what aromantic means too. So how accepting they’ll be may still be a question mark, but it will likely be less explaining than the straight people in your life. 

For the coming out/explaining, sometimes people have an easier time getting their heads around things if you start with an explanation rather than the terminology. So saying ‘I’m not romantically/sexually attracted to people’ may be a better starting point for some people than ‘I’m aroace’. Or even ‘I’ve just never been interested in dating/sex at all’ and you can throw in ‘I still want a life partner of some kind, but not in a romantic sense’. And then once they kind of get their head around that you can start explaining terms. Definitely for people you don’t think will know anything about the aroace community/identities, start as simple as you can. And you can elaborate more down the line.

People’s reactions can vary a lot, personally I’ve never gotten the ‘that’s a tumblr fad’ reaction, but I have had people who just went ‘that doesn’t compute’ and completely ignored the information. Some came around eventually and some didn’t. Some people do get weirdly angry, but a lot of people also surprised me with how quick they were to just accept it and be supportive. I do think it can help a lot too when you’re worried about being accepted to make it a 1 on 1 conversation where they’re invited to ask questions and give feedback and then it’s more of a conversation that they’re involved in. And slowly do that with everyone you’re close to or care about knowing.

I find sometime too when people are doubting it’s a real thing having strong sources to back you up can help too. This can be a Wikipedia article, it can be a Guardian or Huffington Post article, there are scholarly sources too though they’re less accessible to mot people. But it can help you a lot too with the ‘this is a real thing and not something made up on tumblr.’

I’d also say remember the big rules when it comes to coming out. Do it on your terms, do it how you’re most comfortable with, and how it works for you. You only have to come out to people you want to be out to. 

All the best, and good luck!

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

everyone on the carte blanche for the ask meme

everyone? oh boy this is gonna get long ajfhdsf

JUNO

First impression: i, like a lot of people who get into the podcast without knowing a great deal about it, was expecting at most an ambiguously bisexual angst machine with a closely-guarded heart of gold. juno being an explicitly bisexual genderqueer angst machine is perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my life. the angst machine heart of gold characters were kind of my type at the time, so i loved him right away

Impression now: every time i think about juno’s arc from depressed mess held together by bad coping mechanisms, safety pins, and a few good strong puns into someone who can talk about his feelings, feel comfortable about being happy, and recognise when he needs to change, i want to cry about it a little bit. the depth of my love for juno steel has only grown along with him

Favourite moment: juno has a lot of great one-liners and i’m still a big fan of the “on the other hand i wasn’t wearing a watch” bit and who can forget such classics as juno finally deciding to stop moping over nureyev and move on only for him to open the door to his apartment and find nureyev sitting in the dark dramatically, but honestly nothing will ever hit me harder than his sudden, pissed-off declaration of “i can’t die yet, i still have shit to do!” in promised land. god.

Idea for a story: oh i have so many and i want to write most of them so no spoilers, but juno accidentally kidnaps a baby during a carte blanche heist and shenanigans ensue

Unpopular opinion: obviously we all know he’s dummy thicc but i feel like a lot of people forget he’s an actual genius, like the stuff he notices and how he strings it together is sometimes so obscure and he’s almost always right. oh, also juno is not skinny and i will not be taking criticism on that

Favourite relationship: this is so tough because every dynamic is so good, but i think it has to be juno and rita. those two are so good! the best best friends in the world!! i’m really a sucker for any dynamic that’s ridiculously in-sync so i loved these two as soon as juno saw rita’s notes in prince of mars and went “makes perfect sense to me” (which it probably didn’t, because rita, but he trusted that she knew what she was doing which is the important part)

Favourite headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i still think about how juno is (was?) deathly afraid of heights but when he heard rex glass coming he still attempted to climb out of the window. either his aversion to working with dark matters/other people in general was so strong is overrided his fear, or his office was actually on the ground floor. not sure which of these is funnier.

NUREYEV

First impression: we’ve all seen the memes about nureyev knowing juno steel for one (1) day and deciding to Risk It All by leaving him with his name, look at this Hopeless Romantic, this utter DISASTER of a homosexual. the fact the very next time we hear from nureyev (at least directly) he’s patiently waiting in juno’s dark apartment to surprise him with a heist definitely supports this image.

Impression now: even after literally being inside peter’s head, i feel like we didn’t get a real sense of who he is until man in glass, where we find out he aggressively compartmentalises everything that causes him stress. he’s also distinctly someone who’s had his heart broken before, i think, which makes those first appearances of his very strange. but it does remind me of what juno says about diamond, and how he decided to provide the trust first and wait for the trustworthiness to grow in (only to get severely hurt), and i think that’s exactly what nureyev did. i am also... very uneasy with how suspicious he’s behaving this season because obviously i want to believe he’ll sort it all out and not betray the crew but... oof

Favourite moment: the beginning of what lies beyond pt1 where he’s affectionately bullying juno into taking care of himself? cleared my crops watered my skin etc etc etc

Idea for a story: i’d love to hear more about his past as a young thief idolising buddy and vespa (i can’t actually remember if that’s canon or fanon but anyway i wanna read it!)

Unpopular opinion: i think people often cling to an image of him that more resembles his first impressions in season 1 instead of seeing the depth that we’ve been given about his character in season 3

Favourite relationship: him and juno but honestly it’s a close call between them and his budding friendship with rita. even though she learned it by accident, his name is still a point of intimacy and it’s one less secret to keep around her which has to be a weight off his shoulders, at least a little? they seem like they could be really good friends once ultrabots is out of the way. juno steel love (and also bullying) zone activates whenever they’re together

Favourite headcanon: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - nureyev has never done a household chore in his goddamn life. he doesn’t know the water needs to be hot when you wash dishes.

RITA

First impression: honestly i’m not sure? i don’t remember having a big awareness of her in murderous mask but i remember loving her “note-taking” in prince of mars, i thought she sounded really fun and cute

Impression now: rita is really fun and cute, she’s also an extremely hardworking and dedicated woman who had the guts to throw in with a detective fired from the force and then invest all of her time and money into helping him help people.

Favourite moment: Rita Gets A Knife. enough said

Idea for a story: i don’t know honestly! i really struggle to write rita because her thought processes are so wild and i don’t think any story i could come up with would match mega ultrabots of cyberjustice.

Unpopular opinion: this shouldn’t be unpopular because juno steel himself shares this opinion but all future-jupeter headcanons are incomplete without rita also being a huge part of their lives

Favourite relationship: rita + franny 4ever obviously.. jk it’s juno & rita have you heard rita minute 3 they’re too adorable for this world. im still Soft over their conversation at the end of soul of the people when he said he couldn’t stay in hyperion anymore but he wouldn’t leave with the carte blanche if rita wasn’t coming because he was done leaving her behind, and she threw out all her hesitations on the spot and said call the big guy. speaking of, rita & jet are a close second. instant best friends i love them.

Favourite headcanon: i think this is basically canon now but rita being literally half the height of jet is so good

JET

First impression: “haha lorge funny man puts juno in the trash”

Impression now: jet sikuliaq is one of the dearest characters to me out of anything ever. he is a huge, menacing, polite, kind, sincere man who i would very much like to give me a hug. he’s the best aro ace in outer space and while being generally very levelheaded and straightforward, also takes every opportunity to fuck with juno because it’s very easy and very hilarious to him personally. he is everything my autistic acearo ass needed and i’m so glad to have him

Favourite moment: all of them every single one. him putting juno in the trash is of course a classic and every moment jet chooses to be funny makes my heart happy, but also every piece of genuine advice he gives. i’m a particular fan though of buddy recounting her years in the lighthouse and him saying he became concerned when she didn’t come downstairs at the usual time. “you took the door off its hinges.” “i was deeply concerned.” king of understatement

Idea for a story: again no spoilers for you but..... tools of rust time loop au

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t “unpopular” as much as it is unknown but jet is buddy’s queerplatonic partner and i will keep saying it until everyone believes it

Favourite relationship: jet and buddy,,, just everything about them. the way he suspects when she’s lying, the way she makes tea for him when she expects him to drop by. the fact he comes to check on her when she is 41 seconds late to the family meeting because it’s unlike her to be late and the last time she was late for something her brain was turning to radiation soup. but most especially the way she snaps at him to stay out of her business and he said he could not because he made her promise eight years ago to never stay out of the business of her health, no matter how many times she asked. they r literally in a qpr

Favourite headcanon: i don’t think this is true but i still think it would be funny if the ruby-7 used to be painted red but when jet got it he had it painted green because he Just Really Likes Green (as evidenced by his hovercycle). it’s very funny to me.

BUDDY

First impression: it’s been a minute since i relistened to time gone by but i’m pretty sure the first thing she ever says in the podcast is sliding up to depressed accidental whiskey thief juno and say “that’ll be ten million creds,” scaring the shit out of him, so needless to say i was in love instantly.

Impression now: my love for buddy aurinko has only grown and if it sounds like i already said that in this post it’s because i did about juno and it’s appropriate because the parallels are astounding. the heart of it all gave us such depth to buddy’s internal monologue and why she always sounds like she knows exactly what to say and what that’s like and honestly will i ever be over the heart of it all as an episode? unlikely. i think i’m gonna have a little piece of it in MY heart forever.

Favourite moment: everything she’s ever said is iconic as hell i especially like “in an impressive fit of hubris i’ve decided not to prepare my words for this vow” which made me laugh out loud but once again i must give it up for her iconic “I WANT TO LIVE” moment. honourable mentions to her taking rita out for ice cream and giving juno shooting lessons while she’s in her actual wedding gown. i love her

Idea for a story: buddy and vespa as sun/moon dieties.... that’s all

Unpopular opinion: stop drawing her with a fancy high-tech eye like the theia!! it canonically looks like garbage and it’s described in detail, please, i’m dying, also don’t minimise her scars you bastards

Favourite relationship: buddy and vespa invented romantic love and the entire carte blanche crew’s relationship to her is great but you know by now i’m a slut for buddy & jet out-of-this-world queerplatonic partners. the way she checks in on him during tools of rust to make sure he’s not relapsing and he comes to find her when she is 41 seconds late in the heart of it all to make sure she’s not having a heart problem!! it’s the trust,, the devotion,, the mortifying ordeal of being known

Favourite headcanon: she can sing. absolutely tears it up at karaoke. i’m right

VESPA

First impression: knife lesbian goes STAB. she will heal your wounds but she will be threatening to give you more the whole time

Impression now: she is extremely strong, heart-rendingly tender, and despite being in the older half of the carte blanche crew somehow has unmistakable little sister energy which makes her downright hilarious. i’m so glad she got to marry buddy and they’re official space wives now they’re so good for each other

Favourite moment: both from shadows in the ship, either “GUN!!” “KNIFE?!” (iconic) or when she clocks the dark matters drone pretending to be juno because it called her crazy and juno wouldn’t call her crazy. i’m always a sucker for “shapeshifter fails to fool mark because they Know Each Other Too Well” and it was just *chefs kiss* so good

Idea for a story: i really want to write something about when she was first staying at the lighthouse with buddy post-reunion, and getting to know jet and stuff. i think it would be cute

Unpopular opinion: i know vespa doesn’t canonically have lots of scarring but people who don’t draw her with scarring? cowards.

Favourite relationship: once again, although buddy and vespa invented romantic love, i just love the dynamic between vespa and juno so much. they’ve come so far with each other and their weird sibling dynamic gives me life. at the end of what lies beyond when juno says “we’re not gonna kill her, vespa” and instead of sounding full of Rage and Suspicion she’s like “whyyy notttt?” and he’s like “because i said so!” and that’s just good enough for her even if she’s a bit grumpy about it. i love it.

this took.. a hot minute to do! jshkfjsdgsa thank you dyl ily <3

[everyothermouse]

More facts about you and Random :)

They're in a qpr

Just because their relationship is platonic doesn't mean Random won't make you do tiktok couple trends with them lmao

Random is pretty extroverted and makes a lot of friends, both in real life and online

You is pretty introverted and mostly just makes friends by sitting around in public and waiting for an extrovert to adopt them lol

You plays video games quite a bit (more when they were a teen than now) and have made most of their online friends from that

The name Random comes from randoms screen name, Randomontheinternet. People called them 'Random online for short, since they didn't know es real name, and when Random came out as nonbinary they decided to use it full time

You had a similar thing for their name. They would play characters in some of Randoms skits when they first became friends, usually playing as the viewer with the word "you" taped on their face. When their online friends found out about this they made fun of them mercilessly, and calling them Mr. You became a joke in their friend group, which eventually morphed into you there and then just you, which just kind of stuck as a nicname

You has a very easy time understanding school subject matter, but they still always procrastinate massively and forget about their assignments and quizzes constantly 😅

Random has a slightly harder time grasping concepts quickly and spends a lot of time in class daydreaming, but they're better at time management than you is

Random likes to cook and they're really good at it! You also likes to cook, but they mostly cook Ramen, eggs, and pb&j, they don't know how to cook anything else

Random likes to do makeup, although they don't wear it most of the time unless it's for posting artistically online and whatnot

You doesnt excel artistically at anything in particular, but they're slightly above average at schoolwork and good at making memes I guess

Don't get me wrong though, just because you can understand math quickly doesn't mean they're not a dumbass lmao

Random is aromantic bisexual, you is questioning, but definitely aspec and thinks they may be aroace or aro gray ace or something to that effect

[aro-neir-o]

Carnival of Aros - Prioritization

This October, the Carnival of Aros prompt is prioritization. I like talking about my identities as much as the next oversharer, so I’d love to give y’all a bit of a peek into my head for a moment. As always, my thoughts are under the cut. :)

Although I’m queer in more than one way, my aromanticism is one of the things that affects me most internally. My gender and its expression gets the most external pushback and my whatever-the-heck-is-happening-with-my-sexuality just doesn’t come up all that often. As I grow older, though, the absence of my interest in romantic relationships is starting to be noticed by my loved ones. It’s not so much an overt external struggle that results from this, but rather a subliminal one.

In terms of prioritization, I think my gender (or lack thereof) tends to come first simply because it’s so visible. But when it comes to orientation, I would say that my aromanticism reigns high over being grey-ace or bialterous. I’m not entirely sure why I connect so much with aromanticism to the point that I participate in aro activism. I connect in quite a real way to my gender identity as well, for example, but I’ve never had a particular interest in doing genderqueer or non-binary related activism. There is something different about being aro that drives me. Maybe it’s the community I stumbled into. Maybe it’s something I’ll never be able to explain.

I call myself aro and aromantic even when I’m not on the farthest end of the aro spectrum. What it means to me, simply, is that romance is not something I prioritize in the grand scheme of life. When I’ve felt romantic attraction I can certainly say grappling with those feelings became a priority of mine in that moment, but when I think of my life goals, my ambitions, and my capabilities, romantic love doesn’t necessarily play a part in it. If it comes along, I think I could make it work well. If it doesn’t, well, as long as I have strong connections and a found family (because those are important to me), I’m all right. Over the long term, one would say I’m quite a-romantic. If the shoe fits, I’mma wear it.

In terms of my attachment to and prioritization of other labels, I’ve hung onto aroflux for quite a while. Every time I try to drop the label, it doesn’t feel right. There is something about the fluxing and fluidity the term carries that sits well next to how I experience and process emotions. This ever-evolving identity and relationship to romance is something I think I’ve come to center (or, prioritize) as a defining quality of my identity. It’s also perhaps why I like connecting so much to others’ narratives and definitions. Aromantic has always seemed particularly compatible with contrasting narratives. One person’s aromanticism isn’t necessarily another’s. I think that goes for any identity, but I just see it more in aromanticism. Maybe that’s why I like to prioritize it. Or maybe I just like the flag colours. Or, maybe, there’s no particular reason at all.

[sincerelyreidburke]

Questionnaire for the rat bf, if u can?

Real Touille stan hours. Thank you. Ace rights. Let’s go under the cut and do the whole damn thing!!

Here’s the questionnaire of pride asks for the crickets! Send me anything!

I’m answering this entire thing “as” Touille, so be aware of that.

1. what is your sexuality?

I’m asexual!

2. what do you identify as?

I use the term aro-ace, for the most part. Or just ace.

3. how long have you been aware of your sexuality/identity?

Okay, well, I’ve known as long as I can remember that I’m not into romance or dating. I never understood, growing up, why everyone was always asking me about girls or why there was so much romance in the media. But if you mean knowing the word for my sexuality... then not that long, actually. It was during fall of freshman year, and the upperclassmen started talking about Winter Screw, which was coming up. I kind of freaked out when I realized it was a dating thing, because I didn’t want my roommate Francis (or anyone) to pick a date for me. So I had a little panic moment, and then Bully asked me if I was asexual. I had no idea it was a thing, but it was the best epiphany. I’ve felt so much more comfortable in my own skin since I learned there were other people like me.

4. do you have any preferences?

For, like... dating? Not applicable, I guess.

5. share a positive memory about coming out!

Because I realized I was ace in front of all of SMH at team breakfast, I didn’t really have to come out to any of them. And I haven’t really come out to that many other people, because I’m not sure my parents or my mémé would think it’s a real thing, but I did have a good experience coming out to Quinn! It was, like, two weeks after I met him, and they were doing this double-date thing with him and Nando plus Ben and Gina, who he was dating at the time, and, well, anyways, Quinn thought they were excluding me? And he said, oh, Remy, do you want to come? Are you seeing anyone? And I said, oh, no, I’m asexual, actually. And it was really nice, because Quinn just smiled and said oh, that’s lovely! I love your pride flag! and we moved on. It was really validating. Also it was the first time I really came out to anybody at all.

6. how do you feel about pride month?

Ben and Nando introduced me to the concept of pride month a few months before pride month actually happened for the first time since I met them. I like pride month because I send bad memes to my friends, and also because it’s fun on social media, but... in my regular life, I don’t really get to do that much for pride. Except the summer between sophomore and junior year, Ben came up to Quebec and we went to pride. Which was really fun, actually. And also, at the end of freshman year, Quinn sewed pride patches for a bunch of people, and he gave me a little circle that’s a hybrid of the ace flag and the aro flag, so I pin it to the hat I wear when I work at my papa’s crêperie in June.

7. do you participate in pride related events? any other events?

On the night of Winter Screw freshman year, Bully brought me to this party at his friend’s apartment, and introduced me to a bunch of other ace people. Apparently, they have this top-secret ace club??? It’s not an official campus club or anything, but they just... host parties sometimes, especially on nights where dating stuff is happening on campus, like Screw and also Valentine’s Day. I don’t know if that really counts as a pride event, but it makes me happy. It’s all kinds of people, from all over the Samwell community, and it’s really cool.

8. how do you feel about lgbtqa roles in media?

I wish there were more ace ones.

9. do you feel pride in who you are?

Honestly, yeah, I do! I’ve never really been ashamed of my identity, even before I knew there was a word for it and a community of people like me. The only time I’ve been discouraged about it is thinking about how the world is so romance-oriented, but that’s not really about myself; it’s kind of just frustration with the way society is.

10. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?

Bully! He was the first person to say the word ‘asexual’ to me, and he and I have been really good friends the whole time we’ve been on the team together. He teaches me about ace stuff and we usually sit together on the bus. I don’t think I would even know about asexuality at all if it weren’t for him. Okay, well, maybe Ben would have taught me eventually. But still. I’m really grateful for Bully.

11. tell us about your first crush?

Hahaha, not applicable. But I can tell you about my first real squish, if you want? Bully taught me what a squish is. It’s like a friend crush, but a little different than just wanting to be friends with a person. It was Ben for me.

12. what sort of advice to have you lgbtqa teens?

Well, for ace teens, you aren’t broken and you’re whole on your own. Never compromise the way you feel for other people’s sake.

13. have you come out to friends and family?

I’m ‘out’ to all my closest friends, but not to my family. Like I said, I’m not so sure my parents would think asexuality is even a real thing. They just think I’m taking a long time to find somebody.

14. how do you feel about the term “coming out”?

(Mel talking...) Click here for Touille’s answer on this one!

15. do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?

For me? Not exactly... not really. Aside from generating annoying comments, coming out as ace doesn’t endanger me directly in any way. I’m lucky, because I know that’s not the case for every ace person.

16. any tips on coming out?

Oh, man, I’m definitely not qualified to give coming out tips.

17. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtqa characterization in media?

(Mel again!) Here’s Touille’s answer on this!

18. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtqa characterization in media?

When I actually see aro and ace characters. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a confirmed one, but I like projecting onto characters without a love interest. Jughead from the Archie comics? Obi-Wan Kenobi? Merida, the Scottish girl? Asexual icons, and thank you for asking.

19. what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school?

My teachers said little to nothing. I went to a French Catholic high school, and I think they ignored it on purpose.

20. do you practice safe sex with the same sex?

Haha, not applicable.

21. what’s an absolute turn off for you in people?

Also not applicable, but in friendship terms, when people don’t shut up about themselves. I can’t stand huge egos. There were a lot of them in juniors.

22. what’s an absolute turn on for you in people?

Definitely not applicable.

23. how do you feel about lgbtqa clubs/apps/websites?

I like browsing AVEN and the LGBT+ parts of Reddit. And we have the unofficial ace club on campus. Bully calls it the ‘ace gang’.

24. how do you feel about the term “queer”?

My friends use it all the time, but I don’t really say it that much. I don’t have anything against it, it’s just not something that’s really part of my vocabulary. I don’t find it harmful.

25. how does your country view the lgbtqa community?

Canada has a long way to go on some social issues, but as far as I can tell, LGBT issues are pretty okay. We have a reputation for being more liberal than the US, which I guess is true in some ways, but things aren’t exactly perfect. But LGBT Canadians are a lot luckier than LGBT people in other parts of the world.

26. favorite lgbtqa actor/actress?

I’ve been trying to think of an example of an ace celebrity, but I’m coming up short.

27. any tips for heterosexual people on how to handle lgbtqa events/news?

Just listen, honestly. And stand up for people who are being picked on or shamed.

28. what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten?

Definitely “when are you going to find someone?” I can’t stand that question.

29. how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/identity?

As long as they’re not in the vein of, like, you know aces aren’t LGBT, right?, then I actually really enjoy getting questions about my identity. Because people in my general life don’t tend to care that much about hearing about ace experiences (except my friends, who I love), talking about it comes sparse. Thank you for asking me all these questions, by the way! I feel appreciated.

30. what is your romantic affiliation?

I’m aromantic. :)

[madzilla84]

hi i went through your ace tag and it was rlly comforting in a way. can i ask when u knew or how to deal (if its not to invasive!) thx

Hi anon! I’m glad you liked the posts - I know I can be pretty iffy at tagging so I’ll make sure to keep everything there if I can :)

It’s not invasive at all! The answer’s very long though, lol, because it’s me, so I put it under the read more.

I talked a bit about this in my post last year with the clumsy metaphor for my II denim jacket as sexuality, so if you read that then I might be repeating myself a bit, apologies.

The very short answer is that on some level I’ve always known, and I handled it Extremely Badly lmao. Don’t do what I did. Which was mostly nothing. XD

The longer, proper answer - I knew I was in some way Different when I found myself completely bewildered by the crushes my friends developed when we became tweens/teenagers. Like a lot of queer people, I selected my Pretend Crush and dutifully put up his poster in my locker (Noah Wyle from ER; I thought he had pretty eyes). I thought everyone else was just doing it to be cool, as well, in the same sort of way everyone pretended to love [insert name of popular band here] to save face at school.

But like, we got older, and people started making out and hooking up with Real Boys at parties, and still - I felt nothing. You’re a late bloomer, many people told me. I thought maybe I could be gay, if I had no attraction to men - but then I wasn’t attracted to women, either, so couldn’t be that. So what, then, I wondered? You can’t be nothing.

OR CAN YOU??? XD

I got to university-ish age, and around that time I went online and heard the term ‘asexual’ for the first time, and stumbled across AVEN; read the definition and thought, yep, that sounds very familiar. But the problem is, finding something out about yourself doesn’t mean you accept it, or like it, or even really believe it. I wondered then if it was actually a real thing, and not something someone on the internet had made up to make themselves feel better, because there was actually something wrong with them, and thus, with me?

I came home for Christmas during my first (only. lol whoops) year of college and brought up the subject with a small group of acquaintances at a New Years party (I’d had quite a bit to drink), and the reaction was - depressingly predictable.

That’s not a thing.

I can’t imagine that.

That sounds awful.

God, no sex? I’d rather be dead.

Have you even tried it? You need to try it.

That can’t be natural.

Okay, I get it, I thought, not bringing that up again.

And, the thing was, because I wasn’t in a relationship, or dating, or looking to, it was sort of - a non-subject. I had no prying family members asking about my love life. My true friends were unfazed by whatever I did or didn’t do (and still are, they’re good eggs), so it was just - something I never had to think about. In my mind, it was just another thing about me that made me weird and an outsider and that I didn’t belong anywhere or with anyone. (All not true! But that was then.)

And unfortunately it took me about 15 years to start to properly deal with it. Yikes. Such a long time - it’s not even about missed opportunities for dating because I’m still not looking to do that, but more about - accepting that it’s a real part of me and is okay and *good* actually and not just a peculiarity to avoid thinking about at all costs. Acceptance seemed unattainable, let alone the idea of being *proud* of it? Ha! Unthinkable. The best thing to do was just to - pretend it didn’t exist. Why poke that bruise, I thought?

I was always in this weird kind of limbo with the LGBT community - like, I felt on some level like I should be there? But at the same time, I felt like an outsider. (For many of the same reasons people to this day will tell you aces/aros don’t belong. All wrong.) I got really into queer films etc as a teen, I went to gay bars with friends and joined the uni LGBT society … and felt uncomfortable almost all the time. (I know *now* that’s because I was *still* trying to be something I wasn’t and wasn’t being honest with myself or anyone else, on any level. And a lot of the club nights we went to were basically about hooking up, which is fine and all but absolutely Not what I was looking for, and made me feel even more out of place. Why don’t I want to do that? What’s wrong with me?)

But fortunately, the world is quite a different place now, and I don’t think it’s quite so bad now for younger folks because people are talking about it *so* much more; there’s so much more help and support. And I know everyone bitches about social media but it didn’t exist when I was a teenager and there are so many ace/aro people and resources to connect with now!! We’re still made fun of almost constantly *at best* and excluded a ton and erased etc etc, but it *is* getting better. Even for us older folks still figuring it out. :)

I don’t mind admitting that Dan’s video was a huge help. (Albeit a very painful one. Part of why that video was so tough for me to watch, and still is, is that some of it hit a bit too close to home, you know? I didn’t experience the bullying he did, nor the fame, but many things were deeply recognisable.) That sort of tore the scab off (bit gross, sorry), whether I liked it or not, and made me look at it properly for the first time … well, ever, really. The period of time directly after that was - very raw, for me.

The phandom really helped, too; it’s a very accepting and welcoming community and there are actually lots of ace people! Which is awesome! Maybe I *am* a real person! ;)

So many little things helped too. I met a friend for lunch in January and she got me a glass ace flag pendant as a gift; I couldn’t believe it. I’ve felt able to bring it up with a few people outside my closest friends - eg. a couple of colleagues - and was heartened by their responses. I know they didn’t 100% get it, and that’s okay, but they were interested and open to listening and that meant a lot. I went to Pride last year and had a great time, and the first person who spoke to me there asked me where I got my ace pin. :_) (I’d been once before, in 2015, and I hated it; I felt uncomfortable and disingenuous and like I didn’t belong there, and yet I knew deep down I wasn’t technically just there as an ‘ally’.) Even Dan’s little tiny offhand mention in his mermaids stream! I was like, yeah, we do exist! 

It’s all sort of had the fringe benefit of feeling happier and better about being open about it, like joining the LGBT network at work and - you know, just taking little steps. (anyone wanting to start with me that aces/aros don’t belong in LGBT spaces can catch my tiny hands) I saw an ace lanyard at Vidcon and thought ‘yay!’ rather than being uncomfortable to wear it, partly because I thought about how happy I would be to see someone else wearing one.

I don’t know what the rest of this ‘journey’s going to look like, I just know that over the last year I’ve gotten mostly to a place where I can say I *like* being ace, because it’s actually just what I am in the same way I have brown hair or am short, and not some weird deviance from Being Normal that I Must! Hide! At All Costs! That might sound simple but it was a hard place to get to. (thanks Mr Fire, I guess)

I hope this ramble made *some* sense and answered your question in some way! Feel free to send any more questions :)

[madlymiho]

Scenario for my Ace/Marine continuation, please! It's a long journey to Amazon Lily and Ace and his Marine get to know each other better. He even gets his hat back. Ace, ever the gentlemen, offers to give her a thorough sponge bath. It was a pretty serious injury, after all, and he's only trying to help....

Hehehehehehehe, here comes the sweet moment when the marine baby and Ace can FINALLY enjoy some fluff! ~

Oh what a journey, Ed! What a damn brilliant journey… With all my heart, this is all yours, captain.

Words : 3793

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Ace scenario: It was a promise (read after the cut)

“Hey, what are doing here?”

Ace freezes, his hand softly brushing the door handle, as he’s ready to visit her. It has been three days already. Three days that he desperately wants to see her, after that she has rescued him from a certain death in Marineford. Three days that he tries to find the perfect words to greet her, and thank her, without exposing himself too much, his big and warm heart racing hard whenever he’s thinking about her. He doesn’t know what he should do; he has never been in this situation before. He has never believed that he would actually fall in love with someone one day, and even less with a girl who’s nothing but Akainu’s apprentice and a damn marine. Well… She was. Now that she saved him, her bond with the Marine is definitely destroyed, and Ace is almost certain that Akainu wouldn’t even tried to rescue her; she’s an enemy for the world government, as much as he is. She lost everything. Her honor, her friend, and perhaps that odd and improbable link with the red admiral and his fierce nature. And for that, Ace needs to see her. He needs to know what damages he has caused in her life, and how she handles it. Because despite her strong and untamable nature, Ace knows how much it costed her to save his ass, and somehow, he wishes he could fix everything.

“Only five minutes,” Ace argues, turning his head to look at the severe features of Trafalgar Law, the captain of the submarine.

“No, not even five,” Law harshly answers, coming closer to prevent Ace from rushing in the room. “She’s weak. I don’t know if you have ever been stabbed by a spear before, Ace-ya, but she needs to heal and sleep. It’s mandatory.”

Ace pinches his lips together, slightly pushing his chest out as if he wants to challenge Law and see if the stoic captain could actually do something against him. Law only offers him a severe stare, until Ace actually leaves the door handle.

“When can I see her?” Ace asks, sighing.

“When I’d tell you so,” Law snaps, scratching the back of his neck with the top of his sword, impatiently. “Luffy isn’t awake either, so don’t knock on your brother’s door, would you, Ace-ya? He thinks you’re dead, and it might take longer for him to recover since he’s mind is broken. So, please, for the moment, you let them rest.”

Ace, irritates by the doctor’s cold sentences, makes a step forwards, eyebrows furrowed.

“And what am I supposed to do if I can be there for the both of them?” Ace snarls, angry.

“Why not resting as well, like I have already told you, Ace-ya?”

Ace is about to answer back when the door of her room suddenly opens, her tired face popping out of the cabin with dark circles under her eyes, not even trying to hide her angry mood.

“Is it a pirate thing to be so damn loud?!” She hisses, looking at the both of them impatiently. “I don’t know if you have noticed, but some of us try to have some rest here!”

Ace can’t help but smile, the corner of his mouth curling up into a slightly mocking smirk as he finally takes a look at her face, surprised, but so relieved to see her awaken. Even wounded and weak, she still possesses her fierce nature that he already loves perhaps too much. Law lets lose another sigh, waiting for Ace to understand that he should get away now that she’s awake and upset, but he notices that the two of them are staring at each other. Ace leans against the door, hands in his pants’ pockets, his smile growing on his lips while she crosses her arms around her chest and takes a step backwards, her cheeks slightly colored.

“What the hell are you looking at?” She snaps, unable to hide her embarrassment in her voice. “Do I have something on my face?”

“They told me you took a spear in the shoulder, but it seems like your face has been badly hurt as well,” Ace teases with a bright smile, extracting another deep sigh from her lips.

“What are you talking about, moron?”

Ace shrugs, his smile becoming awfully mocking now.

“You look like shit, Name… Dark circles under your eyes, a very crappy complexion. Even a zombie would be jealous of your not so fantastic face.”

She curls up her lips angrily and shows him her middle finger, already at the edge of jumping forwards to rip his throat open.

“Fuck off, Fire Fist, you look like a hobo with your messy hair and your ripped pants! Do you ever change your clothes?”

“Wanna solve this mystery in my cabin?” Ace purrs, extending his hand to brush her cheek, but she immediately slaps his hand down before he can touch her.

“I should have let you drown in that sea, you idiot…” She only answers in front of his bragging face.

Ace doesn’t answer, already knowing that he won this round. Her lovely embarrassed cheeks at the moment indicate him that her feelings have always been more than real, and now that she seems safe and sound, he almost feels the urge to rush in her room and desperately kiss her. However, the dark stare of the doctor is still upon them, his lack of patience visible on his features, and Ace doesn’t know if he’s healed enough to pick a fight with his rescuer. He’s about to turn his feet and heads back to his private cabin when he suddenly feels a tiny brush on his wrist, and a soft gasp coming from her lips as if she just has stopped herself from begging him to stay.

“Name, you need to rest,” Law comments once again, already perfectly aware that she doesn’t want to let Ace go.

“I know that,” she snaps with a severe voice. “But I need to give him something back, first.”

Ace frowns and looks at her face, but since she seems serious about the situation, he eventually nods and steps in her room, ignoring the impatient stare of Law on his back. He doesn’t really understand what she wants to give him back, yet, it’s the perfect occasion to steal a bit of her time. Once she slams the door behind him, arguing one last time with Law, he turns his feet, and notices how close they are to each other. The cabin inside the submarine are much tinier than on Whitebeard’s ship, but for once, Ace doesn’t feel like he would complain about it. She clears her throat, embarrassed to perfectly sense the everlasting heat of his body near her own, as she’s barely able to look at him in the eyes. And for once, Ace is absolutely speechless. Several minutes ago, he was full of confidence and comebacks, but now that he’s finally with her, nothing comes out of his mouth.

“You asked me to keep this,” she eventually speaks while she grabs something on the metal drawer.

She flushes as she puts Ace’s hat right against his bare chest. He lowers his gaze, then smiles, grabbing the corner of his headgear to slide it and let it hang behind his nape, the orange rope rolled around his neck, as he always do when he doesn’t wear it on his head.

“How did you manage to hide it?” Ace asks with a slightly tender voice, looking back at her face. “I wouldn’t have been mad if you had thrown it away.”

She widens her eyes, shaking her head.

“Are you for real? I took so many risks to keep your precious hat safe! And now you tell me that I could have just thrown it away?”

Ace laughs softly, amused by the many emotions crossing her face and her eyes. He doesn’t know if she’s truly pissed, or if she’s still playing a game, but he’s burning to check something now. To have an answer about a certain question. Ace takes a step forwards, closing the gap between their two bodies as he slides his hand behind her back to hold her still. She closes her eyes for a second, and then gently lifts her head up, her stare chasing for an answer in his eyes. Ace understands her silent invitation, and before she could even think to protest, he softly puts his lips on hers. She breathes heavily, first remaining still and lost, until she eventually rolls her arm around his neck, putting herself on her tip toes to answer his kiss. For once, there’s nothing to stop them. There are no more side, no more duties. No more marine and pirate. Only two human beings who actually care about each other, driven by their deep and real feelings, as they share a passionate and needed kiss. Then, trusting their inner instincts, they both open their mouths, a soft moan escaping from both of their throats. Ace pushes her back against the drawer, his lips devouring hers, as he can’t stop himself for a moment, his tongue challenging her own wet muscle, their breaths short and heavy. His hands falls down, holding the edge of her rear, before she eventually parts her lips, putting a palm on his chest, panting.

“Ace we should…,” she doesn’t know how to end her sentence without sounding like a real cock-blocker since she’s full of desires as well, but Ace nods and brushes her cheeks, his smile coming back on his lips.

“Yeah, I think it’s better. Plus the doctor might evict me from here at any moment,” Ace states, ready to leave her to rest now that he has his answer.

It’s all real. They are real.

“Can’t you stay for a bit?” She asks, grabbing his wrist before he can turn his feet to leave her here.

Ace fights his profound desire to snap a mocking comeback, yet, in front of her needy and concerned face, he swallows his comments and eventually nods to express his agreement. She puts a knee of the bed, sliding her body in the sheets to have some comfort, never leaving Ace’s wrist while she pulls him against her. Slightly amused by her sudden need to have him closer, Ace doesn’t protest and happily joins her, carefully rolling his arms around her waist to hold her against his torso.

“Don’t you dare thinking that I like you,” she can’t help but snap, her fingers tracing invisible lines on his skin.

“You’re crazy about me, Name, but I forgive you,” Ace jokes, pressing his lips on her forehead. “I would be crazy about me as well, if I was you.”

“You’re a brat, Ace.”

“You sound delusional. Perhaps I should call for that bitch face doctor to check on you?” He smirks as he puts his hand on her forehead, as if he’s checking for a fever.

She bursts into a soft laugh, and Ace feels his heart wrenching hard inside of his chest. She eventually lifts her chin up, digging her uncommon eyes into his own irises, more serious than before.

“How’s your brother?” She asks in a whisper, a bit unsure, too afraid to actually step in something too intimate, now perfectly aware of Ace’s past, and the terrible name he has tried to hide for so long.

He smiles, tenderized by her genuine question, as he presses her body closer, his legs intertwining with hers. And just like that, they begin to talk. Ace, about his childhood in East Blue, the burden he has always hidden, even from his brothers, for being the son of a monster. His dreams, his hopes, his love for Whitebeard and his crew… Until she actually opens her heart as well, driven by his sweet and tender aura, giving her the sensation that nothing could ever reach her anymore, now that she’s lied between his arms.

***

“What time is it?” She asks, her voice slightly tired and broken.

Ace is half-asleep, his hands heavy on her belly, while he muffles a sort of answer when she starts to move in order to find a clock somewhere near the bed. Yet, she growls angrily, and he doesn’t really know why she needs to get out of his grip like this.

“It’s late…” He manages to whisper, clearing his throat while he opens one of his eyes. “Why are you moving like a damn fish, Name?”

“It’s my wound. It itches. The bitch face doctor, as you call him, told me that I need to take a bath like yesterday, but I was too weak to get out of the bed.”

Ace smirks, now fully awake, his teasing nature sets on fire.

“That explains a lot about the smell in this cabin.”

“Oh really, I thought it was because of your dirty pants and your sockets! If I need a bath, you clearly need to add some white spirit in yours, you moron.”

Bath. Together. Alone in the dark. Ace immediately smiles and straightens-up his torso, putting his elbow on the mattress to rest on it, looking at her pouting face while he can’t help but offer her his best wink. She knows that he’s up to something, but she barely can fight the need to have him a bit closer than before.

“I can help.” Ace innocently states, pointing at her wound with a motion of his head.

She brushes her bandages, feeling her cheeks burning under his stare, while she already imagines the both of them entirely naked in a tiny bath tub. She first frowns; ready to snap him to fuck off, yet Ace’s mischievous eyes are enough to make her change her mind.

“Fine…,” she mumbles in a sigh.

“Oh, what did you say?”

“I said fine!” She angrily snaps, pushing him out of the bed with all of her remaining strength, until he eventually falls on the ground, causing him to burst into a mocking laugh.

Several minutes after, the hot bath is ready, and both of them are numb, embarrassed, while she tries her best to drop her clothes on the floor, but feels terribly disabled with her bandages. Ace doesn’t know if he should help or remain still, his cheeks nothing but like a ravenous fire. He eventually musters up his courage and takes a step forwards, helping her getting rid of her soiled bandages but also her clothes, unbuttoning her shirt with slow and messy gestures to reveal her silken skin. He clears his throat loudly, avoiding at any cost crossing her stare, as he looks like a lost boy in front of the greatest mystery of the universe. Once her torso is bare, her arm hiding her breasts, he dares to take a look on her stitches, hoping that there’s no infection underneath. She smiles, amused by his serious and focus gaze, as he fights his inner needs and natural desires to look down on her chest. She eventually turns her feet to get rid of her pants, before she carefully enters the water, while Ace finds it pretty interesting to look at the ceiling and analyze it for a moment, feeling his heart strongly racing inside his chest. Once she’s fully submerged, Ace kneels near the bath tub and grabs a washcloth and a block of soap, digging it into the water to spread some of it on the coarse fabric. He starts to rub her arm, unable to let his hand fondling anything else on her body, while she remains muted, staring at the soft bubbles of the bath. He tries his best to reach her opposite shoulder, and for a moment, he somehow always avoids her wound, too worried to actually brush it and causes another unnecessary pain. After a moment, she gently grabs his wrist, her stare a bit shifty, even if she manages maintain a shy eye contact with him.

“It’s not really convenient like this, Ace…” She says, her breath shorter than usual.

“I know, it’s just… The tub. I can’t really reach your all body you know,” Ace snaps as an excuse, stopping his gesture.

“Why don’t you come in, then?”

Ace opens his mouth, and closes it, unsure about the meaning of her sentence. He checks on her features, trying his best to read her emotions, as he discovers that she’s more than decided to have him inside the bath tub, with her. He sighs, terribly nervous and trying to keep a cold head, while he finally stands back up, turning his feet to unbuckle his pants and slides them down on his legs, grabbing his underwear in the motion, all of these gestures quick and sloppy, since he feels her stare on his back. He hears a muffled laugh coming from the tub, and more than flustered, Ace covered his bare butt with his hat and throws her a deadly stare.

“Don’t you dare? I didn’t look at you!”

“What a sight, Fire Fist,” she jokes with an evil smile, biting her bottom lip. “Two adorable peaches…”

“Stop that, or I swear I’m drowning you right now…”

“So easily flustered…”

However, she cuts it immediately when Ace turns around, sliding his hat in front of his crotch to face her, exposing his shaped body, covered with freckles, a piece of artwork for sure. She flushes and pinches her lips together, unable to mock him anymore, now that he’s about to join her in the hot tub. Hesitantly, he steps forwards, finally stepping over the tub to slide himself behind her. She freezes because of their sudden proximity, her hands immediately grabbing the edge of the cold basin as he finds a better position behind her. She’s squeezed between his legs, and for a moment, they only manage to create endless waves splashing on the ground because of their movements, but soon enough, they both stop even to breath, waiting anxiously for the water to stop soiling the tiles. Ace, who can’t really hide his timid but present arousal, takes back the washcloth, putting some hot water mixed with soap on her bare shoulders. Despite her shyness, she starts to relax under his careful touch, pushing her back against his chest after a moment, as he gently begins to wash her body, first only brushing her arms and her collarbone. He bites his bottom lip for a second, suddenly more than excited by this new proximity, his gloved hand now ghosting her torso, fondling her sensitive skin at the edge of her breasts. She hums, her head falling against his shoulder, while he presses the washcloth nearer her sensitive areas, making slow and soft rounds on her delicate skin.

“Ace…,” she whispers painfully, her voice deeper than usual, as she turns her head to breathe in the crook of his neck. “What are you doing?”

He slides the washcloth down, skimming her belly, feeling her burning breathing becoming urgent, as he keeps going south, his touch fiercer and bolder than before.

“I’m helping cleaning you, Name…” Ace answers in a short breath, his throat dry and painful, his hard manhood totally trapped between their two bodies.

He’s now skimming her inner thigh, her back and arms covered in goosebumps, as his mouth finds its way to her neck, licking gently the little droplets rolling on her flesh. She doesn’t protest; she tilts her head to grant him a better access, eyes closed, feeling his touch everywhere on her body. She even plasters a hand on her mouth, trying her best to control those little moans coming out of her throat, enjoying his every ministrations and sweet tenderness, suffocating her slowly. Ace can’t help but bites her neck, smoothly pulling on it while his hand comes a little bit upwards, so close from her most intimate part, yet clearly avoiding it.

“How do you feel?” Ace asks, his free hand fondling her arm, to go up and brush her hair.

“Good,” she answers quickly, trying her best to hide her shaking voice, and the fact that she’s more than good under Ace’s touch.

“As always, you’re the worst liar.” Ace growls, catching her chin to make her spin her head and steal a hungry kiss on her lips.

The sudden movement increases the waves inside the tub, their bodies sliding against the basin while they both share an intense and intimate kiss, tongues out. Ace abandons the washcloth on the ground and cups her jaw, unable to stop his movements for a while, until she eventually parts her lips and looks at him with some tender eyes. He feels that she’s ready to take things further. The way she grabs his arm, and the soft call within her irises, asking for more, desperately craving his entire body. He wants her as much as she wants him. She’s about to tell something, but they are both interrupted by a knock on the door. Ace freezes and looks at the entrance of the bathroom, afraid that Law might have found them.

“Ace-san, it’s…it’s Bepo!” Bepo says through the door.

Ace raises an eyebrow, unable to remember someone called Bepo.

“He doesn’t know you, idiot…,”

“What he doesn’t know me? I saved him from drowning! He knows me, Penguin!”

Ace remains silent, frowning, as he patiently waits for the two people behind the door to stop arguing. He remembers Bepo now; he’s that big fluffy polar bear who follows Law like a shadow and hugs everyone. However, since Bepo and the other man called Penguin don’t stop babbling behind the door, he eventually closes his eyes and clenches his fist, slightly frustrated for being stop in the middle of something… important.

“Hey! I’m still here, you know!” Ace snaps, sighing impatiently as those people remind him how Luffy can act sometimes.

“Ah, sorry!” Bepo yells once again. “My captain asked me to tell you that if you don’t leave the bathroom immediately, he’s going to dismember your body in pieces and would plaster them everywhere in your room, so you stop bother the lady anymore.”

She chokes, plastering a hand on her mouth as she starts to snort, while Ace widens his eyes.

“What the hell did he say?” The raven-haired pirate asks again, not entirely sure about the meaning of that odd sentence.

And before he can understand what’s happening, a blue bubble appears around them, taking away Ace’s body somewhere in the yellow submarine, while she remains alone and numb, but fervently happy, laughing hard inside the bathroom as she feels nothing but at peace, for once. An inner voice even tells her that she might get used to the pirates’ way of life, in the end…

[fire-fira]

Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 6: Nonbinarity in Relation to the World

What is my sexuality and how do I relate to the terminology around sexuality?:

I’m asexual and aromantic, which probably simplifies things for me by a lot.

More specifically, I’m a sex-repulsed ace and a romance-neutral aro-- but I am in a mixed queerplatonic/romantic committed relationship and am engaged. (It’s queerplatonic on my end and romantic on hers, and I love her to pieces and want to explode anytime someone implies our relationship ‘isn’t real’ because of my being an aroace. She’s the single-most important person to me and anyone who dares to say I don’t love her can fuck right off.)

My fiance is a lesbian, but her being primarily attracted to women has no bearing on me. She loves me and wants to spend her life with me, and to me that’s all that really matters (as in I have absolutely zero feelings of inadequacy over the fact that I’m not a woman when she’s generally attracted to women).

Even if I weren’t aroace, I don’t think I’d ever call myself ‘straight’ or ‘gay’. 1) Because (nonsensical as it is) I still have it ingrained from when I was a kid that me being the type of enby I am makes it impossible for me to be straight, and 2) to my mind in order to be gay I’d have to be attracted to someone of the same gender (and considering how specific my gender is, that’s kind of a difficult possibility). And yes, I know that’s me taking said terms in way too narrow a definition (tbh I don’t apply said terms so narrowly to others and interpret them as far more broad in that context), but that’s just kind of how it works out in my head specifically in relation to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Does my nonbinarity influence my relationship with my body and the terminology around it?:

Unquestionably, yes. I have an educational background that has made me comfortable with saying accurate terms for specific body parts without any cutesy or crude colloquialisms, but I find that applying some of those terms (regardless of how accurate another person may view them to be) is dysphoria-inducing and uncomfortable as hell. A breast is a breast on a woman, man, or enby regardless of tissue and fat placement, but I can only ever bring myself to refer to my chest as my chest. The same is true for other parts of my body, and I think a large part of it is due to how ridiculously over-gendered some body parts are. That, and it took me a long damn time to be able to look at my body and see it just as a nonbinary body.

And seeing my body as just a nonbinary body? That has helped immensely with some of the dysphoria I have (and had). (And thank gods for having gotten past some really unpleasant dysphoria-based impulses, because those thoughts were HELL.)

What’s my relationship with gender roles? Do I fulfill a more traditionally feminine or masculine role, both, or something else completely?:

I’d have to say it’s something else completely for me. I know there are things I do and ways I behave that could be interpreted as either feminine or masculine, but I honestly don’t think of myself or my behavior in those terms.

Then again, I’ve spent a large chunk of my life picking apart internalized unnecessarily gendered crap and throwing gendered ideologies to the side. I know how to sew, crochet, and do embroidery (I’m not the best out there, but I do passably well) and when I’m in the mood for any of those things it’s enjoyable, but I don’t see those things as inherently feminine. Just like how I know how to throw a punch, can generally figure out how something is put together if I have to take it apart, and am a giant freaking nerd who isn’t above cackling over impressive explosions on tv or in movies-- none of which are things I interpret as inherently masculine (though I know a lot of people might).

Ultimately the concepts of femininity and masculinity are really weird to me. I just am how I am, do what I do, and enjoy what I enjoy regardless of any concept of whether it’s feminine or masculine. That said, there are some things that feel ‘too’ feminine or masculine for my tastes as something I’d want to do (or wear since it’s usually in relation to clothes), but those are usually cases of something just not being for me and that’s okay.

I will say that for my perspective on my ‘gender role’ I feel like a big part of it is in educating, mediating, and being helpful. Me helping others understand things around my areas of knowledge is as much a part of it as me knowing more first aid than most and being able to use it when needed. Which may sound a little strange, but it’s the way I feel and it is what it is. (Plus green and nature. Those tie in really strongly for me as well, in that same sort of association of pink and blue to binary genders.)

How is my presentation (e.g. clothes, makeup, (body/facial) hair, mannerisms) related to my nonbinarity?:

Whoo boy. This is probably going to get longer than I want it to. idk.

Clothes-- it’s a complicated mix of trying to be read as nonbinary and not-white as possible, which means for a long time it was a lot of just t-shirts and pants. It still mostly is that (it’s changed a little and gotten a little more sophisticated as I’ve gotten older, but it’s still pretty relaxed), and most people can pick up pretty quickly that I’m not what they’d consider feminine.

Makeup-- I generally hate having anything on my face, especially anything I would have to concern myself about smudging, but when it comes to cosplay or Halloween (or acting, or drag shows, etc) then I’m all in. (And I am so freaking grateful that my fiance may as well be a makeup artist, because while I can avoid looking like a clown, my skills aren’t anywhere near her level.)

(Body/facial) hair: - Body hair I generally leave alone aside from my pits and minor landscaping to keep things from getting out of hand; otherwise I don’t care. - In terms of facial hair I have a very light fuzz pretty much all over my face (though you wouldn’t know it unless I decided to take mascara to all of it, and if I did I’d have a pretty obvious-- though thin-- mustache), which I’m completely comfortable with and leave as is. - As for the hair on my head, it’s long (down to about my mid-back currently, though I have had it down to just past my butt plenty of times before) and the most I do with it is basic upkeep (washing, brushing, occasionally pulling it back when warranted, and braiding when I feel like it). I don’t see my long hair as feminine-- I see it as the most obvious external signal I can give that I’m Native, so that’s what I do.

Mannerisms-- Uhhhh... I’m unintentionally too aggressive and intense to be read as remotely feminine. But at the same time I make a genuine effort to be as gentle, comforting, educationally informative, and understanding as possible and I’m ‘too’ comfortable (no such thing in my book) with expressing my emotions, so I’m also unlikely to get read as masculine. I also have a subconscious habit of speaking in a short and clipped manner verbally (which unfortunately can make me come off angry when I’m not), and most of the time my body language is strong, confident, and I allow myself to take up space. I’m sort of a mixed bag of loud and impossible to miss, and yet also quiet and able to retreat and disappear into the background. A lot of people find me intimidating in person before they get to know me, though I try not to intimidate anyone. (Also doesn’t help that when I’m reading or concentrating on something my eyebrows subconsciously pull together, which makes me look-- in my fiance’s words-- like I’m about to murder someone.) So yeah, I’m all over the place.

How often do I think about my gender?:

I would say not all that often these days, but I do think about it when it gets brought up or when I get misgendered. Basically when it’s relevant I think about it, but when it’s not I don’t.

---

[Day 1] [Day 2]

[Day 3] [Day 4]

[Day 5]

[goth-giraffe]

Not-so-quick guide to my OCs that I sometimes talk about here! xD So... Echo and Meredith, really. Plus a bonus one! Plus new art! :D

Warning, this is gonna be long so I put it under a cut :)

Anyway, because he’s the one that will definitely be mentioned most here, let’s start with..

Echo~

(I didn’t say anything about the quality of the new art xD)

Echo is my persona/self insert character..... he’s really just an alternate version of me (I like to think he’s my Alola form :3)

And like me he’s lonely so he has imaginary friends to keep him going, his current one being Loki ‘cause my current obsession is Loki

Echo is kinda hard to explain because everything about him fluctuates depending on my mood.. there are different versions of him and he doesn’t exactly have a set story or universe.. (For instance I didn’t create him specifically to hang out with Loki, but when I needed a friend I gave him Loki as an imaginary one)

Anyway! Some basic facts! He’s ace/aro, and agenderfluid (questioning?), with he/him pronouns (they/them is safe too though)

Kinda short, 5′2″ ish

Around my age, 17-20, but the mental age of anywhere from 8-17 ish.... he’s always kind of childish but how extreme varies from moment to moment

He’s AFAB but I usually draw him flat-chested because I use him as a way to combat dysphoria so, should anyone else want to draw him, best to draw him flat-chested

Loves trying on clothes! (Mainly because I like a lot of clothes but pretty much exclusively wear pajamas so... yeah I use my OCs as models)

Quiet, non-verbal in some versions (in which case he’ll write in a notepad to communicate), very shy

Sometimes makes clicking noises to calm himself

Daydreams a lot, also sleeps a lot

Gets upset over dumb things... and he’s scared of everything

Doesn’t really like being touched but sometimes snuggles Loki when he’s upset

He’s probably autistic

Probably also has borderline personality disorder.. but I’m unsure about giving him the disorders I think I have, because I don’t actually have a diagnosis (scared of doctors).. nonetheless, a lot of the symptoms that come with those disorders, he has

Likes to draw and his muse is Loki

Likes bugs, especially butterflies

Collects rocks

Eats goldfish crackers

Has really bad posture

Okay at this point I’m just adding random facts about me which is probably weird idk xD I don’t know what more to say about him soo yeah... this is my weird persona

aand next up-

Meredith~

(I liked how this art turned out tbh and I might repost it on my other blog..)

Meredith is an OC insert specifically for Marvel Cinematic Universe

She’s dating Loki, and you’ll find a lot more about her and Loki at @cuddly-loki​! (It’s my blog specifically for them! :D)

Buuuut I do mention her here occasionally because I love her (and there are definitely traces of her from when this blog was cuddly-loki), so I’m including her in this :3

She’s not really into labels but she is kinda gendermeh, I think of her as a nonbinary woman (...or soft butch, but I call her that mostly when Loki happens to swap genders), but she just uses she/her pronouns

Again, meh about labels but she has dated both feminine and masculine people, and she doesn’t really experience physical attraction the same as most people

Kinda goth, dresses mostly in greyscale colours and in kind of goth/punk clothes I guess (also, she prefers androgynous clothes)

Really affectionate with people close to her, close friends and her boyfriend of course :3 (mild PDA does not make her uncomfortable but it sure does irritate Loki)

Quiet, but not shy- she’ll talk to anyone probably but she’d rather watch them until it makes them uncomfortable xD

Once you get past the being weird or goth to creep you out though, she’s very soft and pretty nice (even if still a little dark)

She’s an aspiring musician.. sorta. She plays violin and loves music.. but also has a weird relationship with music, we’ll just leave it at that for now

Works night shift as a bartender

Likes horror movies

Favourite food is pizza

Loves birds

Doesn’t like technology very much

She has a lineup of mental disorders too I’m sure, she’s an ex junkie for one and likes to feel numb to things.. 

Also has persistent insomnia, either related to her depression or depression meds, who knows

Lives in her apartment with a couple plants and Loki, who is still adjusting to Earth life

Like mentioned above you can find more of Meredith at my blog @cuddly-loki​ and if you ask questions about her or her and Loki I will probably be very happy :)

Side note: Meredith is not meant to be a self insert but we do have things in common, and I’d probably get along with her. She’s pretty chill and gets along with most people though haha

A little bonus one, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned her here before but just in case

Gwyneth~

(Okay this turned out a little messy but ehh. It was kind of just from memory, I might have still had references for her but I lost them when my jumpdrive quit so meh)

She’s a dead character that I don’t use anymore and won’t be using anymore but on the off chance I’ve mentioned her or do mention her, I’ll go ahead and add her to this as a little bonus

I created her when I first started obsessing over Loki, and she was a self insert I used to selfship romantically with him... it was okay for a brief time but in the end I hated it. It’s hard to explain, kind of personal.. but for one thing, I’m pretty sure I’m aromantic. I love soft romance stuff but I don’t really want to be part of it.

...And that’s why I killed Gwyneth and created Meredith ehehe

I’m gonna talk about her a little anyway, for one, she was an artist/painter

She liked to take pictures of strangers to paint them and I’m pretty sure that’s how she met Loki (AKA the weirdo on the sidewalk in the all black suit)

I honestly don’t remember what her actual income came from, maybe she was on disability, Idk

Anyway she was a mess. Severely depressed. Couldn’t really keep herself together.

She hid behind jokes and sarcasm though, so no one really knew how bad she was (even Loki, for a time)

She would climb trees which annoyed Loki a little bit, turns out trickster gods don’t enjoy having to climb trees just to talk to their girlfriends

Wore a trench coat as kind of a comfort item (because that’s what I did at that time)

Often got lost in daydreams...

Scared of most things...

Yeah you’ll notice she’s a lot like Echo (even the hair- pbbt). I’ve had a lot of self inserts over the years, killed off when my anxiety convinced me I was being cringey or when they didn’t feel like me anymore.. with Gwyneth it was maybe a tiny bit those things but also other stuff, like being aromantic questioning. Creating Echo was a new start for me because it was more of an exploration of where I’m comfy gender-wise... and, unlike most of my other self inserts, I don’t really age him up. But most importantly... he’s very emotionally messy but he doesn’t hide it (or else he doesn’t hide it well) because one of my things is I need to at least pretend that people would still love me if they knew how sad and broken I am. So.. yes, Echo is a sensitive character, he upsets easily and he’s usually pretty sad.. but that’s kind of the point, because he’s still loved. 

.....Anyway sorry for going back to Echo. I don’t have a lot more to say about Gwyneth - she’s dead and not coming back - but she was a stepping stone to where I’m currently comfortable so, RIP Gwyneth I suppose :)

On the page I drew them on it’s kinda funny because it looks like Meredith and Echo are very uncomfortable that Gwyneth is there (which was only semi-intentional ehehe) 

Echo looks cautiously curious but Meredith looks very awkward like “Oh.. so you’re back...” ..she’s hiding something... And Gwyneth’s like “So... how’s Loki been?” xD

All these characters are obviously kinda similar which is part of why I put them all here (....clearly I have an obsession with blue hair but shhh), also their connections to Loki, haha.... Meredith is definitely the most connected, Echo’s Loki isn’t real and Gwyneth is dead, so... yeah.

Anyway hopefully this was a little helpful. I might make better guides for Meredith and Echo sometime but for now this works. Also, always feel free to ask questions about them!! :)

[sapphiresea]

2, 4, 9, 26 :)

lgbt+ ask game

2.  how did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?  oh, gosh.  this is going to be long, and i’m still glazing over all the mental health problems i had that largely stemmed from trying to be someone i clearly was not.  

looking back, it seems like it should have been obvious from the outset, really, but it was a process getting to understand and accept my sexuality.  you have to know, i was very young when ellen came out, and i had no idea what the words ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ even meant at the time.  no one explained it to me, either.  i just knew that everyone around me was suddenly saying those words and they were whispered or demeaned, so i knew they were bad immediately.  from as far back as i can remember, i held the view that lesbians were disgusting and bad, and that shame buried really deep inside me for a very long time.  it was easier to never think about it and pretend than it was to ever let it be a conscious thought.

when i was a kid, i just couldn’t fathom actually wanting to be with a man.  i thought relationships were just a matter of custom and doing what was expected because that was how you could have children and a family.  my barbies married ken, but then ken went off to war and she spent all her time with her best lady friends.  i chose my crushes with internal pro/con lists.  i complained often that i hated romcoms because the women were always so dumbly chasing after men and they should just get over it.  i could talk about female celebrities for days but ask me my favorite male celebrity, and it was just tumbleweeds.  it didn’t even register as strange when, after my first real kiss with a boy, i had to brush my teeth three times and then called my best friend to tell her that kissing boys was disgusting.  that just fell into my belief that we were only with boys because we had to be, and because i didn’t allow myself to consider that there might be other options.  i was such a textbook baby gay, but there were only two moments that really penetrated into conscious awareness, and they were so jarring that i remember them even now.

the first was when i was 13 years old, and i was sat in my music class when my teacher, seemingly out of no where, decided to lecture us about gay people.  i have no idea what was going on before that because it was a spring day and the sunlight from the window was making my hair look red and i was busy daydreaming about dying it all red.  i only snapped back when kids started laughing because someone said, ‘gay.’  it wasn’t a negative lecture.  in fact, she was telling us we had to be more accepting of people, because she had heard a lot of slurs being thrown around and didn’t like it.  she told us, “about one in ten people are gay, which means that at least two, if not more, of you are gay.”  my very first thought was, “i wonder who the other one is.”  and then, cue panic attack.  i spent the whole rest of the day on the verge of tears trying to convince myself that i was being crazy for even thinking that.  

the second was in the food court of north hill mall around christmas time with the other steph and robyn.  it was around christmas because we were all wearing ridiculous elf and santa hats.  we got off school early thanks to a spare period and were picking at takeout lunches when robyn started a rant out of no where about how she couldn’t understand why men found boobs to be attractive.  i then became very aware of where my eyes were looking and attempted to focus them anywhere but on my friends in case they could tell how suddenly uncomfortable i had become and thought i was looking at their boobs.  they didn’t think that at all, by the way.  but steph was agreeing with her and they were going on and on about how unattractive boobs were and steph was throwing in occasional comments about the attractive aspects of the male form and i was just nodding along turning even redder.  now it’s not that i really felt strongly about boobs or anything.  it’s really just that in that moment, it became painfully clear to me that at least one of the biggest things i had always told myself that everyone experienced was not so ubiquitous an experience as i had initially thought.  

actually considering the possibility of straight –– despite the efforts of a therapist i saw twice and then refused to see again as soon as she suggested i might be not-totally-straight (oh and totally in love with one of my friends) –– didn’t come until a couple of years later.  it was a new crush of mine, crystal chappell, who was on days of our lives at the time.  ooh, i fell hard for carly manning, and i had to look into her other filmography.  on twitter and on a forum on her website, people were discussing something called ‘otalia’ and insisting i watch, so i did.  that single-handedly changed the trajectory of my life.  otalia were the first f/f couple i had ever seen and allowed myself to relate with (i saw willow/tara but was way too deep into the closet to even let myself pay attention to them).  over the course of the next few months, my attitude started to shift and a series of bad attempts at dating men, coupled with a new crush on a friend of mine, made me realize that i was definitely into women.  i identified as bi for a little while, but within the year, it became pretty clear to me that i had chosen the wrong label and my attraction to men was just a craving for external validation and what i had considered normalcy at the time.

out of internalized homophobia and an illness that screwed with my hormone levels, i identified as ace and aro off and on for awhile.  (don’t jump on me, that’s just my experience and i’m not attempting to get into discourse here or generalizing that to anyone else.)  but one day, i found that had shifted.  i started watching more lesbian media and engaging with other wlw and stopped being afraid of the word ‘lesbian’ like i had been.  and nothing has ever felt so freeing in my entire life.

4.  who was the first person you told, how did they react?  i think the very first person i ever told was a close online friend who was like my internet grandma.  i knew she was safe because she, too, is gay.  so i kind of just slipped it into a late night conversation on skype and nervously told her i thought maybe i was into girls, and she was the most accepting a person could be.  the next day, i told my friend over text while i was in walmart with my mom.  i remember thinking from the way we interacted that it was possible she was lgbt, too, and being so, so nervous to be the first one to say it.  but i was right.  and she became my first girlfriend.  so those were really great experiences, actually, and i’m glad those were my first ones.

9.  who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?  oh man, so many...  wayhaught, for sure, are my #1, but i also really love otalia, giani, hollistein, petramos, logan/lara, trishica, and a number of non-canon f/f slash.

26.  what identity advice would you give your younger self?  gosh, i don’t even know.  like i said, i was so deeply in the closet for so long that i’m not sure i would’ve been able to hear it.  if i could go back to when i was a kid, though, before all of this, i think i’d tell myself that ‘lesbian’ isn’t a bad word, and that, not only do i not have to be with anyone i don’t genuinely want to be with, but that it is possible to be with a woman, and that it’s okay to make that choice instead of hurting myself trying to bury it.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

what the fuck are emotions. What are they. I don’t get it???? Wh. What??? I can’t even tell what I want in life!!!!! What are emotions??!! What ARE WMTOIONSvvv????!!!!!???? I am having a crisis. Fuckibg. What. What is going on. What three fuck. WHAT THE FUCK. I hate it here. save me. I can’t tell what’s platonic and romantic and I’m suffering. I don’t think I’ve ever fully been in a romantic relationship where I actually wanted to be in one, more so just felt like I was supposed to want it and be happy with it. I love the idea of romance maybe?? Why does it hate me??? What’s going on. Hhhhhhh??????? I don’t get paid enough for this! Ajdjdjdjdjjj?????? I’m so confused????? I always think my feelings are romantic and daydream and all but like ARE THEY?????? It doesn’t feel like it???? Maybe?????? Cause I feel all butterflyey and airy and swoony and I hate it! I cannot handle having emotions, let alone when I can’t even tell what they are!!! Whyyyyyy????????? This is so chaotic but MY MAN I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TJME IN THSI CHILIS RIGHT NOW. What’s a romantic thing?? Holding hands??? I don’t wanna hold hands lovey dovey if I’m not close friends with them. But exactly that! Friends!! Anything that’s romantic I could feel for a close friend!!! Fuck!!!! Is this queerplatonic??? Is this just platonic??? Is this romantic???? Is this the real life or is this just fantasy???? I DONT KNOW! I’m caught in a landslide no escape from reality! I DONT EVEN MIEK QUEEN THAT MUCH????? AHHHH?????? And of all people why must my heart have horrible taste! Like WHAT??? THATS the person you choose??? HHHHHHHH?????? I don’t know if I want a life partner!! The idea sounds cute in my little fantasy head filled with soft clouds and living in a cottage by the seaside drinking hot homemade coco but I don’t know about ACTUALLY doing that?? It’s cute but. The idea of my own little house or apartment. I can decorate it how I want, make it all my own, do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted how I wanted, have a garunteed space for myself... that sounds amazing! Any other seems like something I’ve thought I wanted for so long but now I’m questioning that and that’s a bit. Yikes. And I don’t wanna be alone! Society frames single people as alone and I just internalized that! Fuck amatonormativity all my homies hate amatonormativity!!! Girl help I have internalized possible arophobia!!!!!! Why do I keep quoting memes while having an orientation crisis??!?!?!?? WHAT IS HAPPENING???? What is existence??? WHY DO PEOPLE WEAR BASKETBALL SHORTS?????? Hhdjdhdjshjshshhdhhshdhh. Maybe I’ve felt romantic emotion? But did I? Truly? Maybe I’ve felt that attraction, but I never want to be tied down, however bad that sounds. Am I aro or just scared of commitment aJHDJDJDHSJDHJS,,, but like. I had a crush on a guy for a YEAR. I was head over heels. Like I was daydreaming bout love confessions babe it was bad. But I got over him. It was whatever. Then he like a year or two later said he had a crush on me, and asked me out, and I was happy??? I remember being estatic. And I agreed. But I have no idea why I was happy. Was I happy for the me from years ago? Did I like the attention and validation? Have I always had a problem of shooting for the high and then leaving the moment I reach the low??? I hated that relationship. I felt awful. Each time he did something romantic I felt sick, and I avoided seeing him even when I had the chance to visit. It was really bad and I felt really guilty. I’d gotten this nice little happy ending, and I ruined it. I got this cute fairy tale, and no matter how hard I tried, my feelings never came. I thought they’d come back. If anything they just fully yeeted themselves out the stratosphere ffs. It was terrible. I felt really bad but had to break up with him. And through the guilt I felt so relieved, like I was finally freed. Never really got why people were so emotionally destroyed after breakups when they’re still friends tbh. And we’re still friends. (1/2)

Oh yeah we get to do this again babyyyyyy!!!! Anyways, the other relationship I’d been in, I had actually wanted to be in a qpr, but he asked me out romantically and I didn’t know what to do. He didn’t even know what a qpr was. I was torn between happy at spending more time with him and saying how much I loved him and the crippling fear and disappointment and lingering uncomfortableness. It only ever increased. I was a million times closer to him, but I told him I thought I might be aro-spec, because much as I hate to admit it, I felt awful every time we did “romantic” stuff. It’s kinda flattering and also kinda freaky to think he likes me like that. I don’t fully get romantic feelings anyway, though. But I thought it would all be fine and then it just. Wasn’t. We switched to a platonic relationship and I’m much more comfortable with that, but he talks about our future and I feel this fear that I’m gonna break his heart, because genuinely, I could see myself living with him, but not out of romance or anything. Just kinda like. It’s free real estate if I need a bug killed, and also houses cost so much money, and also movie nights, but I could just invite people to my own place if I wanted a movie night. But I just don’t know. I thought for sure I had romantic feelings for at the very least one of them, but it just didn’t work, at all. And there’s this other guy, I swear I don’t only crush on guys lmaodnfjdjdjdjjd, but he’s,,,,,,,, a youtuber. Because I have terrible taste. He’s only a year or two older than me and is funny and cute (asexually, bcus I am ace) and so my stupid monkey brain was like ah yes, this one is who you’re gonna like! And now I’m just like 🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️ every time I think of him. Very annoying. My heart is like an annoying bug that keeps bonking it’s head against the window next to me while I tiredly try to drive. But like,,,, I think have a crush?? But I don’t even wanna date him??????? So????? What????? WhAt????? What are emotions I don’t understand them??? This is a lot and I’m sorry my fam squad but oh boy am I having a real funky fresh time over here (2/2)

So one thing that may help you here, we tend to think of what attraction am I experiencing as a big objective truth. But it can actually be very subjective. So changing your thought process from being a detective and figuring out exactly what you’re feeling, to going ‘what makes the most sense to me in how I conceptualize this’. So basically try and think more in terms of ‘this is a helpful way for me to think of this’ and don’t worry too much if it’s right or wrong because there may not be an objective right or wrong answer.

So maybe it is romantic, but you’ve also got strong romance repulsion for being personally in romantic situations (I definitely think from this do you do have romance repulsion happening), and that’s interfering with having a romantic relationship. Or you’re somewhere under the akoiromantic/lithromantic umbrella, where you do have romantic feelings but don’t want them reciprocated. 

Maybe your feelings are more in the platonic or alterous scale. So still very strong, but not romantic, or not entirely romantic. (If you’re looking for a guide on telling romantic, platonic and alterous attraction part, the faq for this blog discusses it.)

Some people experience parts of romantic attraction but not all romantic attraction, some people find attraction blurs together and it doesn’t make sense for them to see it as a single distinct type of attraction.

And some people just in general can’t distinguish between romantic and platonic. And there’s some labels around that, two of the most popular are idemromantic (when someone categorizes relationships as platonic or romantic but feels no notable differences) and platoniromantic (when someone can’t tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction).

You can also look into quoiromantic, which is basically disidentifying with the concept of romantic attraction entirely, or finding it nonsensical, inapplicable or inaccessible. So that’s another thing you can look into if it interests you.

So that’s a few avenues you can look into, if nothing here feels right, you can dig in more, but this is a good starting spot. 

But yeah, I’d definitely recommend trying and thinking of it in terms of what feels right, or what would be a useful way of looking at this. And not worrying about if it’s right or wrong, only if it feels right or makes sense for you. 

All the best, and good luck, Anon!

[ganymedesclock]

Compiling for the meme. Also I want to say as an aro/ace person, for “hotness level” I will merely be evaluating character aesthetics and how appealing I find them, since otherwise everyone would be solidly reading “meh”.

Since these got super long, I’m splitting these up and doing all Voltrons, and then all TFA asks.

@a-trolli​ said:  for the character ask, lotor of course!

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

Me, Clockie Radioactivesupersonic, loving Lotor as a character???? The very idea. 

In less mocking news I’ve been pretty much consistently excited about Lotor since pre-s2. I kid you not- my earliest meta on the subject was analyzing the “Weblum Galra” (Acxa’s s2e9 appearance) from the s2 trailer and speculating that was either Lotor or an agent thereof. I did a comic about it. 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Whether or not you agree with every decision of VLD’s writing, it’s visually gorgeous and Lotor is no exception. VLD’s offering of Lotor is easily one of my aesthetic favorites- the DDP design is a good contender and the classic poncho is an interesting statement, but, ultimately, the sleek blue-black armor, the added volume to his hair, even personalizing touches like those electric blues and the curl of hair next to his face are very nice touches. The “Mulan” strand in particular does a nice job adding a sense of youthfulness to his design, and AJ LoCascio does such a good job giving him this rolling, statesman’s eloquence. 

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Lotor’s a raven who makes occasional passes at imitating a snake, methinks. He values power and loyalty, can be brash in certain situations, and is quite diligent, but, ultimately what Lotor respects the most is the pursuit of knowledge. Basically every time Lotor’s overcome a wall, it’s because when the going got hard, he hit the books. Given he started studying Altea towards his exile, it raises the clear implication that he responded to feeling bereaved and alone by seeking more information, and used that information to build a sense of belonging.

best quality:

Probably his sense of strategic observation, opportunism, and ambush tactics. It’s just a real delight to watch an effective strategist, especially one like Lotor where he’s not quite a villain so you can actually root for his plans to succeed.

worst quality: 

I mean, the part where he keeps ending up alone after his interpersonal connections spectacularly self-destruct and he cuts them off out of fear, but that’s not exactly mostly on him, now is it HAGGAR.

ship them with: 

Primarily Allura.

brotp them with: 

Did you know that before s4 I had a pet theory that Lotor had met the Generals when they all were children and they’d grown up together. I still think about that. 

needs to stay away from:

beep beep, Honerva it’s child protection services and they’re not impressed with your bullshit excuses about the rift.

misc. thoughts:

I don’t have a lot since I tend to just aggressively pour my Lotor thoughts right into the tag but just once I want to see Lotor get frustrated by something and have a frustrated huff that flutters his single forelock.

@thenorthernphoenix​ said:  For that character thing you're doing: Lance

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

MY BOY.

I genuinely deeply love Lance. And not just because I genuinely deeply love Heart aspect characters in general. He totally blindsided me as far as VLD characters- I latched hard onto Keith and Pidge first, then Shiro. Lance took a long, hard time growing on me! (I love Hunk and Allura too, they just didn’t do time as my Reigning Fave before Lotor stole that particular crown)

Which I think is kinda hilarious, since, uh, well, Lance is probably the character out of VLD I think I have the most in common with, and I think leaping to the notion that the rest of the cast is just a little more interesting than Lance is a very Lance thing to do.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

I stand by what I said with Lotor, VLD is a nicely designed show, and Lance is cute. You wanna ruffle his hair. I’d say he doesn’t have any particularly striking or eye-catching features. A lot of his appeal as a character is less his physical features or clothing and more the body language with which he wears those things.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Of the Hogwarts headcanons I’ve posted this is one people often fight me on and I think this is because of a differentiation- I think people often sort characters based on who’s good at the particular House’s virtue, and not what they value. Knowledge takes many forms, and Ravenclaw isn’t obligatorily the domain of the most erudite- that would be pursuing a single, narrow facet of knowledge which doesn’t exactly speak to the wisest.

To me, Lance is a Ravenclaw because he’s motivated heavily by curiosity. He’s earnestly fascinated by people, by the world, by situations. We can tell a lot from the characters by how they respond to their Lion first meeting them- and Lance’s reaction to Blue is basically to just stroll right in and make himself at home. As soon as Blue seems like someone who has something to say, Lance is all ears. 

best quality:

Empathy and compassion

worst quality: 

I mean, it’s not exactly unforgivable but definitely the one that tends to bite him the most often is his tendency to just wildly try things when he’s got no expertise in a given area/ isn’t sure.

ship them with: 

Mostly Keith, but I’m decently amenable to him with Hunk or Allura. 

brotp them with: 

The whole team tbh but I think him and Shiro and him and Pidge are both underrated dynamics. Also, my undying esteem to the first person who writes him and Lotor getting stranded on a planet and having to work their way out with the power of emotional bonding and a lot of sarcasm.

needs to stay away from:

The Langst crowd. In seriousness, can’t think of anybody that’s a Lance-specific hazard and not generally bad for everyone else’s health.

misc. thoughts:

the Lance face from the WINNER flag is still my favicon. as it should be.

@oxfordmodernfairytales asked:  For the character ask thing, Shiro?

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

Shiro’s come through a lot, and, while I think there are some ways he could have been fleshed out more, it’s really good to see him back on his feet again and I’m optimistic about this thing with the IGF Atlas. He really lights up when he’s on the bridge, and it’s nice to see. 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Given the amount of thirst art I see about him, it’s fair to say the fan consensus of Shiro is he’s way hot, and I do think he looks very handsome and charming but I don’t quite find him an Unstoppable Stud of a man. Being fair to Shiro this is probably a lot more to do with my sexuality than anything about his looks.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Josh Keaton aired this as his personal headcanon and, honestly, I’d see it. While Shiro is brave, and can and will challenge things directly that he sees as wrong, his greatest successes as a character are games of endurance. Both of his dry, sarcastic comments- one in s2e2 and one in s7e6- involve a cheerfully recited Long List of things that have failed to kill him so far. And what stands out about him to Keith in s7e1, their first meeting, isn’t the charismatic foot Shiro puts forwards- it’s his refusal to give up on Keith.

best quality:

All of the paladins get angry at cruelty, but Shiro has this particular eviscerating fury that really only comes from someone who passionately, earnestly believes in a good world and cannot tolerate the idea that you’re breaking from it.

worst quality: 

His tendency to put himself second and suffer in silence for long periods. He’s the biggest advocate of teamwork and the last one to open up about drowning, even when the water’s up to his chin.

ship them with: 

Adam, in that... as much as we saw him at a chapter of conflict, I’m a little frustrated at the note it ended on. I think it’d be really interesting to see more out of these guys- their stubbornness, strength of will, and, also, their connection and how much they care about each other.

brotp them with: 

His team, of course, but, honestly, he and Allura make a darn good platonic power couple. Let’s see more situations like s1e10.

needs to stay away from:

HAGGAR...

misc. thoughts:

his monolids... are not eyeliner.

[acest-of-them-all]

So now story time bc today is the day I became extremely sure I am asexual

So. Let's go waaay back to when I was a kid and had no idea there was other sexualities than straight. Obviously I assumed I was gonna have a boyfriend sometime. I didn't really think about it, though. It wasn't relevant because I was a kid and I had other worries like what will I play with my friends during the breaks between classes.

When I was about 13-14, I had discovered the fact that there were not only straight people, but also gays, lesbians and bisexuals. I was like hey, girls are nice, I would date a girl as well as a boy. So I labeled mhself as a bisexual. Now, I hadn't had any real crushes(I now have realized), only a few people I had taken interest in, so I didn't really know how attraction to another person felt like.

When I was about 14 years old or when I was turning 15, I wasn't so sure about my gender anymore. I didn't feel good in my body, and I hated it so, so much. I had more knowledge of sexualities and genders, so I began to wonder, if what I was experiencing was me being transgender. I was kind of suspicious though, because the feeling came so late, and not as a child already. But I knew that the gut-wrenching feeling that made me want to throw up I got when someone called me a girl, was very real. I was convinced I was a transgender, and I was fine with that. It still hurt though, when after two years of feeling horrible dysphoria with my body I told my mom that I was pretty sure I was trans, she still would address me and my sister as "girls" when talking of both of us. I never got the chance to tell my father, though. At some point, I realized that I might not be able to go through the surgeries, as the places I could do that were quite far away, and I didn't know how expensive it was gonna be. Soon, I was fine with that, too, because I realized that my discomfort in my body being female was fading. I was so confused. I had felt like a boy for the last two years and now I suddenly felt like wearing more makeup and dressing more femininely?? I was like huh. I was a fake after all.

At the same time I started to realize that I didn't feel the desire to become close to people. I thought I was somehow incorrectly developed, that it would come to me later, so I didn't really pay attention to it.

Now, in the spring, this year. My first year of vocational school was almost over. We had photography, and I was sitting at my computer on my phone, because I had already edited all the photos I had taken and nothing else to do. There was this guy, that I knew my friend knew, sitting at the computer next to me. He wasn't in our class(he was on his second year). He asked about what we had been doing, which I found weird, because I didn't know this dude, but I just awkwardly answered him. We conversed for a while, and he offered to show me how the studio lights and flashes work. I accepted, because yeah, I had nothing else to do. Well. He showed me how they worked, I was quite awkward all the time, and he asked about stuff. One thing he asked was if I had ever kissed anyone. I obviously hadn't, so I answered no. He asked if I wanted to try. I was confused and I kind of panicked so I accepted. I was tense and nervous and confused, and he told me to relax and close my eyes. I slapped my hand over my eyes, because I couldn't bring myself to close them, I was so nervous. I was just standing there, tense as hell, as he kissed me. Or tried to. It didn't go well, as I kept my lips tightly together and I was panicking. He told me I had to relax, to which I repeatedly told him that I wasn't capable of that. That was followed by him letting it go and us both apologizing for making things awkward. The whole thing was like straight out of a fanfiction. Except that if it was a fanfiction, I wouldn't have been an already suspecting ace, I would have magically been able to kiss him back and we'd have banged in the studio. Yeah, no. I didn't really see him after that, which I was pretty relieved of, because now I wouldn't have to deal with awkward shit! At that point I was almost completely sure I was ace and aro, because I didn't feel like romantic relationships were really my thing and the idea of me having sex with someone, to be completely honest, disgusted me. I had also found a term that I felt like it fit my gender: genderfluid. My preferred gender tends to change quite slowly, I can feel really feminine for months, or really masculine for, apparently, years. Sometimes it's one of those, but in between happens too. Currently I am leaning a little bit on the feminine side.

Anyways. This fall. Summer was over, my second year of school started. And I get to live alone, which is super awesome! One day, after like two weeks of school, the guy texts me(we had exchanged our numbers back then), asking how I'd been. We talked about stuff, it was casual and cool. He's pretty nice, since he likes memes and listens to good music. I told him that I lived alone, and he joked about coming to ruin my peaceful isolated life. I was like yeah, you can come over sometime if you want to, because sometimes some company isn't too bad. The next monday he came to hang out, and it was cool. We listened to music, showed each other memes and all, and I was relieved it wasn't awkward(I had done research on the internet on how to carry on with a conversation before he arrived lmao). Then he left and everything was well in the kingdom. A week or two went by, he would occasionally text me and yeah. It was cool and I was like whoa did I manage to make a friend.

Until.

The day before yesterday(saturday). He texted me like usual and asked if I wanted to hang out on sunday, but because I wouldn't have had any time, we agreed to hang out on monday. A.k.a. today. And then he asked if I still couldn't kiss. And I was like ooohh nooooo, and said that no, I can't because who the hell would my ace ass I have been kissing? He was like well do you want to try on monday and internally I was like WHY??? DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW AWKWARD IT WAS??? And because I figured that the sooner he realizes I'm a hopeless case, the sooner he leaves me alone with the kissing stuff(and because my idiot brain is like BUT WHAT IF YOU'RE A FAKE ACE??? WHAT IF YOU DO LIKE IT HMMM?!? and I wanted to be sure), I was like uuuhhh sure I guess. I warned him that I was most likely going to be awkward as hell AGAIN, but he just told me to "relax and enjoy". Which confused me because I simply do not see the appeal of having other person's tongue shoved down your throat, but I let it be.

So he came over. We conversed for a while, then browsed memes again(which meant we were both sitting on my bed). Soon he was like sooo about the kissing and I was like oh god oh god what do I do, so my brain switched into "scientific experiment" mode, and I was like yeah, I only need to think of this as an experiment on what kissing feels like and everything would be fine. So he told me to get in his lap and I was just confused as hell and was like uuhhh do I have to like do something, to which he answered that not really. And then he kissed me. And his tongue was in my mouth. It didn't taste like anything, it felt weird and I was just kind of trying to not be too awkward, trying to somehow respond to it. He asked how it was and I was like weird, not the most unpleasant thing but nothing special either. And we ended up lying down and kind of cuddling on my bed, which was okay. I was just making random comments about like how babies have more bones than adults and at some point I was like do you wanna take a nap, naps are nice, to which he agreed. It wasn't a nap though. He kissed me some more and yeah. At some point though he had to leave, so he did. And that's when it really hit me. I felt really unhygienic and weirded out. I still could taste his tongue, which is why I brushed my teeth twice in a row. The taste wouldn't go away! I ate, and I noticed I was terribly aware of my own tongue in my mouth. I could still smell his deodorant or whatever it was, and now it wasn't even nice anymore, it was disturbing and overwhelming. I couldn't even drink from my bottle normally because of the way it feels! I brushed my teeth one more time and put my clothes at my window to air out, I don't want them to smell like him. I went and scrubbed myself under a practically boiling shower, I think I've never been so thorough when showering. I'm still confused. Why do I feel so disgusted and unclean, when clothes weren't even reduced? Apparently it doesn't need much. But if mere kissing makes me like this, I can't even imagine myself in even a slightly more intimate situation. Just, no. If he wants to do that again, I gotta tell him that kissing definitely isn't my thing, maybe just straight up tell him that I'm asexual. At least now I'm sure about it lol