#If I have to suffer I'm taking all you mfs down with me

[impossibly-cold-collector]

ok but like the fact that Mo is full on into getting down and dirty with He Tian 👀

Hear me out.

They are full out making out here

llike He Tian is just casually stripping Mo all while peppering him with kisses and making out. He has his HAND UP MO'S SHIRT, while asking for the gift (CONDOMS) that he gave MO earlier. When he finally manages to pull the box out, MO has hin flat on the bed - MO PUSHED HE TIAN DOWN!!!!

THEN! When He Tian actually opens the box, Mo is speechless cause he sees that it's not condoms but actually WEDDING RINGS!?????

Baby Mo is so overwhelmed and happy to be with this man who he was just about to get down and dirty with after seeing for so long, only to be shown so much love with a freaking proposal. that he just breaks down from how loved he is.

Ughhh. Tianshan are just sooo god tier. 🥺🥺😭😭😭

[mmogurl]

Last to Fall Chapter 1 - My Demons

18+ | 10k | Aegon II Targaryen X Female Maid / Dragonseed Reader | miserable, alcoholic, often dissociative, needs comfort Aegon | virgin reader, maiden, emotional abuse, first time sex, P in V, smut, wholesome, fluff, this whole thing is actually kind of sweet compared to what I usually write.

This fic is heavily inspired by the infamous 'Nothing' scene with Aegon and Alicent. Her cold words and the way she lashes out really bothered me and I felt a strong need to stand up for him, protect, and console him. So that's really what this whole fic is about. Enjoy! Also went with a lot of musical vibing for this story. I started off listening to Collective Soul's Heavy, because I imagine it as Aegon's state of mind in the opening scene towards everyone and everything happening. And by the end we transition into Starset's Last to Fall - and the title of the fic. I know, I'm a sappy mf.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 On AO3

Retroactive update 10/29/24: I've also decided that I'm going to try my best to fit every chapter to a Starset song because the whole Series is based off the title of one (Last to Fall) which was originally going to be a oneshot and got extended. I'm enjoying the challenge of finding one that suits each theme/ story! They're not all going to be perfectly aligned, but I'll try my best. This one is Starset - My Demons adding onto the two songs I already referenced here - but this one just felt so perfect!

Complicate this world you wrapped for me I'm acquainted with your suffering

All your weight it falls on me It brings me down All your weight it falls on me It falls on me

~Collective Soul - Heavy

—You

You have worked in the castle for as long as you can remember, always hearing the whisperings of the chamberlain, the laundress, and any other keep staff prone to gossip, that you were the late king’s bastard. There were always underhanded comments of jealousy uttered in your direction, like ‘It must be nice to have a king’s blood runnin’ through yer veins... To have yer needs met for life.’ In truth, you were worried that the Queen Dowager might see fit to dispose of you now that her husband had passed.

So far, it seems your fair looks, expertise, and agreeable demeanor has secured your position, at least for the time being, but you are not so naive as to think that will last forever.

You tended to King Viserys for six summers, and with his death you’ve been reassigned to serve the new Protector of the Realm, Aegon II Targaryen. You are mildly concerned about this development considering the rumors you’ve heard about the young prince over the years. Drinking and philandering to excess, he was rumored to be a true hedonist, only taking satisfaction when drowning himself in pleasure. It is for this very reason, that you’re surprised by your observations of your new lord within the first weeks of your employ as his chambermaid and general attendant.

You find he spends a lot of time sitting in near darkness with barely a couple candles lit in his room at night, kept company only by a carafe of wine and wearing a disassociated look on his face that could be taken for misery if it didn’t appear so apathetic in nature. It was as though he were actively trying to force himself into a mold that he would never fit into. This became even more apparent as you witnessed more of his interactions with his family, especially his mother and grand-sire. It seemed they were constantly trying to orchestrate the ruling of the Seven Kingdoms, nitpicking at every little decision Aegon made, pulling his strings just like a puppet.

You had listened from the sidelines of the Great Hall as the Hand second-guessed the king’s rulings. Even when the Aegon tried to embrace his seat upon the Iron Throne, he was made impotent by those not fit to govern. You could do nothing but stand by helplessly in saddened silence when he suffered the loss of his eldest son to assassins, while Otto Hightower forced him to parade young Jaehaerys’ corpse to the public along with his grief-stricken sister-wife, Helaena.

Day by day, your heart was beginning to ache for the emptiness you saw growing behind his amethyst eyes. And yet still he tried on most days to put a positive foot forward, even if by nightfall he usually turned back to engulfing his sorrows in drink. You couldn’t even blame him really given the complete lack of moral and emotional support the king had to endure.

This feeling of compassion built within you, until one day it peaked to a head as you made your way to Aegon’s chambers with fresh linens in hand, ready to fulfill your afternoon chores. You passed several Kingsguard as you made your way down the hall and paused outside the king’s rooms as you heard voices coming from within. The two white cloaks standing watch at the open threshold glanced at you in warning, so you simply waited with folded bedsheets in hand for the opportunity to complete your duties.

You knew you should not listen, but it was hard to ignore the distressed voice of the king from within, met by the indifferent attitude of the Queen Dowager. Oh no, you think to yourself sympathetically, she is at it again. It really did seem that tearing Aegon down piece by piece was not only a habit for his mother, but something she relished in.

“Do you think simply wearing the crown imbues you with wisdom,” Alicent’s voice echoed out against the vaulted ceiling of the room, her voice patronizing and condescending. “Those men at your council table earned their seats. It was my hope that once enthroned you would honor the burden of your new duties, be silent, and strive to learn from the more studied minds around you. In the hope that you might be half the king your father was…”

You tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat at hearing such baleful words. The king was not responding, and you could just imagine the pained look of agony that Aegon was sure to be wearing under the constant criticisms he faced as of late.

“Tread carefully,” you heard him say, barely carrying enough volume to hear from where you stood. You found yourself holding back a smile at that, happy that he was standing up to her for once. But, that only incensed the Queen Dowager more, her thirst to harm not yet quenched.

“Or what?” she says with venom coating her tongue. “You’ll hang me, as you did your rat catchers? Or have me banished as you did your Hand? I ruled in your father’s absence throughout his long illness, and Otto Hightower was as cunning a statesman as ever lived. You should humbly be seeking our opinions and counsel. You have no idea the sacrifices that were made to put you on that throne.”

You shook your head, unsure how any mother could ever speak to her child in such a manner, let alone to the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms. Perhaps it bothered you so because you had never known the tenderness of a mother’s love, but had spent many a daydream imagining what it might be like. With your idealistic and sometimes naive mind, you wanted to think that there was more love out there in the world than this, especially within the royal family. You wanted better for the young king you had grown to feel so protective of in such a short amount of time.

Aegon’s next words break your train of thought, “Wha-“ he started with an exasperated tone, “What would you have me do, Mother?”

“Do simply what is needed of you,” she replied and the frosty chill of her cold voice was evident even from the corridor. “Nothing.”

You feel tears well up in the corners of your eyes and try your best to ignore them. It was important as part of the castle staff to never appear to be listening, to always remain professional, but it wasn’t always possible when one was witness to such cruelty.

Quickly, you wipe the errant tears away as the Queen Dowager exits her son’s apartment, walking swiftly with a scowl on her face. With the king now alone in his chambers, you nod to the guards and head inside, pausing to close the doors behind you lest Aegon had wont of some privacy.

As you turned to face the room, the king sat off to the side of his table, leaning against the back of a chair, his head resting upon his hands in defeat. He did not stir as you entered and so you cleared your throat to let yourself be known. Aegon still made no move and so this time you spoke up.

“Your Grace, might I change the linens? Or should I come back later?” you ask, your voice hesitant, but filled with understanding.

He finally lifts his head, glancing at you for a moment before returning his attention to the nearly empty decanter of wine on the table.

“Fetch me some more wine instead,” he demands sullenly, and to this you nod and hurry off to fulfill his request. After what you’d heard him endure, you’d do just about anything to cheer him up now.

With a speed you did not think yourself capable, you retrieved, not just one, but two pitchers of strongwine for the king and prepared a small platter of snacks for him as well, consisting of cheese, crackers, figs, and grapes. You hoped he’d be pleased with your thoughtfulness, and sure enough, he did perk up a little at the sight of the tray you presented on the table before him.

Aegon got to his feet, walking around the chair he’d been leaning against and sitting in it instead. You filled his chalice and placed it before him, wearing an exaggerated smile upon your face, anything to lighten the onerous mood. The king surprises you when he actually notices, his composure faltering as he looks upon your benevolent countenance.

“Did you hear all of that then?” he asks, his jaw clenching slightly as he peers down at the crimson fluid within the cup before him.

“It is not my business, Your Grace,” you answer softly, not wanting to sound cold, but knowing it is not your place to comment on such things. “But, if I can do anything, or get anything more for you. Please just ask.”

“I never wanted to be be king, you know,” Aegon says abruptly, picking up the chalice and swirling the wine around inside it. “They hunted me down, forced me to be crowned… And yet, Mother tells me I do not deserve it, even though she has placed me upon the throne herself.”

You flounder with your words, uncertain of how to reply. Should you even say anything at all? Perhaps he just wants someone to listen who won’t respond with a scathing rebuke.

“She spoke of the rat catchers, bringing up the death of my eldest son as though it were nothing to me,” he continues without your input, staring into the contents of his chalice as though it might hold some insight. “She treats me as though I am nothing.”

He finally takes a long swig of the cup, emptying most of it in one gulp. Aegon sets it down on the table with a clatter of metal and wood, an almost despondent look on his face as he adds, “Perhaps I am nothing.”

“Your Grace, no! That is not true!” the words slip out, unable to hold back your feelings at his self-denigration. You immediately cover your mouth with startled surprise, knowing that you’ve overstepped.

Aegon halts, his shoulders tensing as his eyes drift up to you and his brow furls downwards in confusion. He regards you in earnest for what feels like the first time ever, his discerning gaze sweeping from your face, down to your skirts and back up again, sizing you up. “What would you know of it?”

You bite your lip anxiously, unsure of how to proceed, even though it seems by now that you’ve already gone past the point of returning to obscurity. Ultimately, you decide that if you’re going to lose your position within the Red Keep, that you’d prefer to let the king know how you feel first.

“I have seen how determined you are,” you say quietly, a lack of confidence in your voice as you address the king. “Even though it is obvious how much hardship you must abide.”

“I am the king. I do not abide anything,” he replies gruffly, but there’s no tooth in the words.

“Of course, Your Grace,” you reply as you cast your eyes downward, your posture stiffening as you stand more upright, waiting for the hammer of discipline to fall.

There is a pervasive silence that hangs heavy in the expansive chamber as you wait for the king to cast his verdict. Does he intend to overlook your impertinence or will he punish you severely?

You hear the trickle of liquid pouring and then the glass carafe clattering against the wood of the table. The sound of swallowing is audible, followed by Aegon’s lips smacking softly as he puts the chalice back down.

“Come here, girl,” he says suddenly in a low monotone.

You look up once more, hesitating; your eyes questioning as you try to understand his intentions, his expression inscrutable.

“Do I have to repeat myself?” he reiterates, his tone a little more firm, yet without the sound of malicious intent. “Come here.”

You gulp and step gingerly towards Aegon, standing before him as he sits in the high-back chair. “Yes, Your Grace?” you ask with an uncertain look on your face.

The king startles you when he turns his chair to face you, his hands wrapping around your waist as he pulls you towards him in one fluid motion. Before you even realize what is happening, Aegon has his face buried against your stomach while his fingers dig into the fabric of your dress at the small of your back.

For a moment you stand there frozen in shock, your arms out as if in surrender, unsure of how to respond or interpret this intimate gesture. But then, you feel his shoulders shake quietly, and it's that movement that clues you in to the nature of the king's actions. He is crying, albeit in his own restrained way.

Slowly, you lower your hands down, one resting on his back as the other smooths his white locks back against his scalp. You can feel him melt into your affectionate touch, his entire body slumping forward even as he continues to whimper quietly into your apron.

“Shh,” you say softly, trying to comfort him in a way that feels somehow natural to you despite the gap in caste. “It will be alright.” You are not fully convinced that it will be, but the young king needs some reassurance and you know you are the only one likely to give it to him.

You have secretly longed for a moment such as this to occur for awhile now, wishing you had the opportunity to provide the king with some semblance of reprieve. When you served Viserys, he never seemed very troubled, and was almost willfully ignorant to the problems that plagued his family. Aegon on the other hand, was tormented not only by his mother, but by the pressure he put on himself to please everyone, which was an impossible feat.

To soothe Aegon now and hold him in your arms, felt like putting one of the many wrongs he’d endured right, even if it was only a small fraction of what the man was owed.

Your fingers rake through his wavy tresses and you feel a surge of raw emotion as you tend to the king’s needs in a way you never imagined you would. Soon, his shaky breaths and silent tears begin to cease, replaced by sniffles as you continue to soothe him in the way his mother should have been for all of these years. You can sense his reluctance to leave your embrace, but there’s also a shame weighing heavy in the air for confiding such weakness in a simple chambermaid.

He nuzzles his eyes against the fabric of your dress, wiping his tears on the brown cloth before he abruptly pulls away and clears his throat. Aegon avoids looking directly at you, embarrassment evident in his now red and puffy eyes. He lets out a heavy sigh and you’re left feeling quite dumbfounded as he turns back to his wine.

For a long moment there is a tense and overwhelming silence, the only sounds present in the room are the soft pouring of wine into Aegon’s chalice and the glass clinking as he sets the carafe down.

You stare at the side of his face, feeling a knot form in your stomach at the growing distance. It’s as if he’s punishing you for witnessing his vulnerability, desperate to maintain the barrier between king and servant. Despite his aversion, you can’t help but feel the significance of what you shared, the way he pulled you in and how good it felt to hold him close.

The quiet stretches on, Aegon now occupied with emptying his cup as if trying to fill the void with drink. He speaks up once more, his tone now devoid of any traces of the exposed emotion you just viewed.

"That will be all," his words are devoid of any warmth or familiarity. "I don't need anything more from you tonight." Aegon’s fingers tremble subtly as he brings his glass to his lips, betraying his cold facade.

“Your Grace,” you say in acceptance of his decision, bowing your head to show deference. You turn and glance at the linens still stacked on top of the king’s bed and fret for a moment that you will get in trouble for not fulfilling your duties and changing the sheets. “Should I change the bedsheets before I leave?”

Aegon doesn’t even turn to face you, his eyes fixed on his chalice. His expression is closed off, distant, as he responds with a simple grunt of confirmation.

“Yes, yes. Do whatever it is you usually do,” he mutters dismissively, his voice lacking any real feeling. He lifts his cup to his mouth once more, drowning himself in the bitter taste of the wine.

You nod with the typical words of respectful assent and begin making the bed as you always do, except this time it feels different. Today you flew so very close to the sun and felt your skin bask in its heat. The absence of that warmth now leaves you feeling chilly, an overwhelming nothing replacing the typical humdrum of your chores. You can feel his presence in the room like a beacon calling you to shore, but you dare not approach him again.

When you finish your task, you leave the king’s chambers without saying a word, closing the door behind you as silently as you can.

For the next few days, the typical royal indifference that Aegon shows you is substituted for complete and utter disregard. He at least showed you a degree of quiet appreciation before, but now it seems he’s going out of his way to make it known that you do not exist to him. Aegon always keeps his eyes turned from you and makes no acknowledgment of your proximity, giving the impression that you are little more than a ghost.

Gone is the care-free spirit that the king usually possesses, always trying to pretend that he is happier than he actually is, at least when you are around him. It seems that Aegon erects a wall of guarded apathy the moment he becomes aware of you, sometimes so severe that you can actually see him transition into a frown at your approach.

You find yourself slinking around quietly whenever you must occupy his room at the same time that he is present. The mornings are especially tense, when you must bring breakfast and fresh wash water for his basin. Sometimes, you feel his eyes on you when you’re preoccupied with adding wood to and stoking the fire, but you try your best to ignore it since you can’t make heads or tails of his behavior.

For the most part, you attempt to finish the majority of your duties once the king has left for the day and not before that point. You hope that in time, the king will forget about what transpired between the two of you, and that everything will revert back to how it was.

—Aegon

Aegon has made a concerted effort to maintain his frosty disposition towards you. It’s a constant battle between his heart, which secretly admires and yearns for you, and his head, which refuses to acknowledge the vulnerability he allowed you to witness. Even still, he can’t help but feel a slight pang of sadness whenever you try to slip in and out of his chambers undetected, nor can he control the surge of resentment when he feels that he might need you in any way.

The king simply doesn’t know what to make of the tangle of emotions that twist inside of him whenever he sees your face. It’s as if the memory of his shortcomings and your comforting embrace is a fresh wound that refuses to heal. He wants to shove you from his mind, but your image is permanently branded on the backs of his eyelids.

Even his nights have become restless, with no amount of drink or pleasure helping to ease his troubled heart. In fact, he’d already tried visiting one of his favorite brothels, dragging along his drunken friends for the chance to brag at how loud he could make the women scream. He was so distracted by thoughts of you that he couldn’t even stay hard and had to call it a night without release, defeated even by the the carefree abandon of a whore’s cunt.

The only thing that helps him drift off to sleep lately is recalling the moment he shared with you, and imagining how it might have gone differently if he had not pulled away from you. His hand enveloping his rigid cock, stroking it eagerly as he envisions what it would be like to reach under your skirts and feel the heat at the apex of your thighs. The resulting climax is strong, but it always leaves him feeling ashamed and guilty afterwards, as though he’s given into an urge worse than the crudest of debaucheries.

It’s becoming more and more obvious, that no matter how much he denies himself, he wants you in an unbearable way. He wants to reach out to you, wants to apologize and thank you for your soothing care. He wants those arms wrapped around him once again, that gentle hand running through his hair. He wants to confess all of his troubles to you. How he is tired of being treated like a child, of being scolded and slapped around by his mother, and never being taken seriously by his own small council. Aegon wants to hear the solutions you might propose to his growing list of problems, instead of relying on the wine that he drinks to excess more often as the days pass, an answer that he knows is mere avoidance.

And so, the king finds himself at a crossroad, facing a decision that can’t simply remain unsettled. He can either choose to embrace his feelings for you and allow himself the chance of experiencing the compassion he so badly craves, or he can continue to repress those feelings and bury them under the weight of his own self loathing and fear.

At the end of another long and monotonous day, he finds himself sitting at the end of his table in the very same chair where he had shared a moment of weakness with you. He sighs as he pours himself another cup of wine, the burgundy liquid not doing much to take the edge off tonight.

He shivers slightly as gooseflesh erupts over his pale skin. Glancing out the window, he can see that the skies are grayer than usual and that autumn is settling in over King’s Landing. Aegon begins to worry as he considers the already dwindling food supply and the civil war that is ravaging what little they have left. His grand-sire and mother both seem to be ignoring the constant plight of the commonfolk, but he’s spent enough time amongst them to know that revolt might loom on the horizon.

The large wooden doors to his chamber suddenly open and his attention is drawn from the window, snapped to the form now entering the room. It is you, his chambermaid, carrying a bundle of blankets. You stop dead in your tracks as you notice him sitting in the dwindling light of the gloaming hour.

“Sorry to disturb, Your Grace,” you offer sheepishly. “I didn’t know you had already retired for the day.”

Aegon turns his chair outwards, sitting sideways as he leans an elbow against the table and lifts his cup to his lips, taking a sip of his favorite sweet Arbor red. He doesn’t acknowledge your apology, and instead regards you with a steadfast gaze as he tries to hide his conflicting feelings.

“What is it?” he asks, his tone tinged with disinterest.

“It’s supposed to be chilly tonight,” you answer with a soft voice. “I wanted to bring you some extra blankets and build the fire up so that you are comfortable.”

“Hm,” he grunts, taking another swig of his wine. He doesn’t respond more than that and simply watches as you begin to lay two massive quilts upon his bed, then approach the fireplace to add more wood and stoke the flames. Even now you were doing your best to take good care of him, doting on him as though he were your very own husband.

He can’t help but discreetly study the shape of your body as you kneel before the mantle, appreciating the way the firelight projects shadows over your kneeling figure. The flickering orange light bounces off your face and he can’t help but notice the softness of your features, the curve of your cheek and lips. As you rise back to your feet and turn to face him, he’s finally made his decision.

Perhaps it is time to lay these fears to rest.

He sighs softly, his shoulders slumping somewhat with the release of breath, as he gestures to the chair across from him.

“Sit,” his word is quiet, almost a whisper.

You look at him perplexed as though you did not hear him properly, an apprehension soon settling in as you hesitate to respond.

There is an air of determination in his eyes as he nods once more, encouraging you to sit. His voice now holds a trace of insistence as he shifts in his seat, sitting upright as he repeats himself. “I said sit.” Aegon points at the empty chair once more, his gesture sharper this time.

You oblige him swiftly at that, taking a seat in the ornately carved high-back chair, your legs are pressed together and your hands fidget awkwardly on your lap. Aegon reaches forward and grabs an empty chalice from the silver tray before him, pouring you a glass of wine.

“Here,” he says, his voice strangely calm in your presence now that he has finally given in to his wishes. He hands you the cup across the table, his fingers brushing against yours for just the briefest of moments. He relishes in the heat of your touch, no matter how fleeting, and offers a clumsy smile. “Have a drink with me.”

You take the chalice reluctantly, the anxiety of such taboo evident in your expression. Aegon knew it was unheard of for the staff to share a drink with members of the royal family, but it was also not typical for the king to be denied anything he desired either.

“T-thank you, Your Grace,” you offer appreciatively.

Aegon settles back into his chair, his posture becoming more relaxed as he spreads his legs. He takes comfort in the fact that no matter how much he has tried to avoid you, that you still humbly show him gratitude. That small act of polite civility has him convinced that what he is attempting will not end in rejection.

He raises his cup and toasts to you, a courtesy which seems so simple and yet holds so much significance when coming from a king. “To your service.” His eyes gleam in the fading light of day, bright with unspoken promise.

“I don’t even know what to say, Your Grace,” you squeak out in embarrassment, your face impossibly red as you direct your gaze away from him.

He can feel his confidence returning as he sees the flush of color bloom on your cheeks. It’s a sign that his attention is not entirely unwelcome, and that thought alone is enough to make his heart beat steadily in his chest.

Aegon leans forward, trying to capture your attention once more, his eyes pleading for you to look at him again. After so much time evading this very situation, he now feels hungry for it.

“You don’t have to say anything at all,” he reassures you, his tone softened but with a hint of authority as he motions for you to drink your wine.

Without wavering, you grasp the heavy brass chalice in your hands and with courage etched in your features, take a long draught of the Arbor red.

As you drink, Aegon raises an eyebrow in mild surprse, watching as you take a rather ambitious swig of strongwine. He finds he’s actually impressed with your ability, and his expression soon transforms into a smirk of amusement.

He takes a sip from his own chalice before setting it back down on the table. “You drink deeper than many of my knights, I can tell you that,” he jests with a good-humored ease, testing the boundaries of this fledgling dynamic.

Your cheeks blush once more although this time it is likely due to the wine as well as your timidity. “This is much better than the swill the staff typically has access to,” you offer almost apologetically, as though it were not proper for you to imbibe in your spare time.

The admission has the corners of his mouth curling into a grin once more, and a breathy laugh escapes his lips. It’s clear now that the two of you are finally making progress, the barrier of propriety quickly falling away as it typically did with drink.

“So you mean to say you enjoy good wine, yes?” he teases lightly, tapping his fingertips against the edge of his cup, his gaze focused on you, eager to see your reaction.

“I am enjoying it, yes,” you say with bright eyes, your guilt beginning to fade away with each sip of sweet wine you take.

Aegon can sense the increased ease in your demeanor, and is delighted by the sight of it. He knows that the alcohol has broken through the tension that’s been building between the two of you for days now and he plans to take full advantage of it, feeling even bolder in his pursuit of you.

“Good,” he replies gladly, feeling content with the newfound freedom he’s allowed himself. “Then have some more,” Aegon adds, his tone light and playful as he pushes the decanter of wine closer to you, encouraging you to fill your own cup. He can feel a pleasant buzzing in his head from the strongwine, and can tell that you aren’t far behind him.

“Is Your Grace trying to get me drunk?” you ask, a surprising riposte that he didn’t expect from you.

The question has Aegon laughing aloud, the sound hearty and full of mirth. He leans closer, sliding his elbow further along the table as he offers you a grin. That little spark of humor you show only heightens his own sense of urgency to be in your arms once more.

The king rests his chin on his fist, and raises a brow at you with a mischievous grin. “And what if I was?” he replies playfully.

“Then I’d have to ask to what aim?” you say holding onto your cup, your finger tracing the circular rim of it.

Aegon’s gaze is drawn to your fingers, following the movement as his pulse quickens. He can hear your question, but it fails to register fully as he’s momentarily lost in a daydream of those same fingers running across his skin. His mouth goes dry and his skin feels hot. He finds he must take another large draught of wine to calm the sudden surge of longing that courses through him.

“Well,” he says, his tone feigning seriousness. “Perhaps I intend to get you drunk so I might take advantage of you.”

Aegon is surprised when you chuckle in response to his daring assertion, having expected more of a demure reaction instead. “You would not have to ply me with wine for that,” you admit, lowering your head slightly as though realizing how direct your words had been a little too late.

His eyes go temporarily wide as he registers your brazen honesty, wondering if he’d even heard you correctly. “Do you jest with your king, girl?” he asks incredulously.

“No,” she offers adamantly, with all the defiance of a loyal hound. “I’m afraid I’d be quite willing.”

“Is that so?” Aegon says more for his own confirmation than to communicate it, his eyebrow raising with dubious intent.

His stiffening cock was becoming uncomfortable in his taut breeches and he couldn’t help but consider the irony that such an innocent encounter had taken on an incredibly sexual nature. The comfort you had offered him becoming like an intoxicating fuel to his loins, making you far more attractive than any other woman could ever possibly be in his eyes.

“And what would you be willing to do in order to satisfy your king?” he prods further, feeling confident that he has the upper hand now. His desire to claim everything you have to offer now undeniable.

“I-I,” you begin to stutter nervously, clearly not expecting such a blunt response from him. “What is it you wish of me?”

Aegon let’s out a sharp huff of delight at the question you pose. To his great joy it seems you truly don’t realize the effect you have over him right now. He stands from his chair, sending it backwards with the backs of his thighs. His legs then carry him around the corner of the table until he’s towering above you, looking down upon your trembling form with a burning hunger.

“The real question is.. What don’t I desire of you?” he poses the question with a lurid tone as he thumbs the neckline of your bodice. “I believe you’ll find me quite insatiable in my needs.”

You’re frozen in his sights, appraising him with frightened doe-eyes, but there is no mistaking the undercurrent of lust also hidden right below the surface. Likely, the only true trepidation you have is the thought of performing such acts out of wedlock, but it seems obvious to Aegon at least, that you should have no concerns when offering your virtue up to a king. And given the poorly state of mind he’s been in as of late and desperate weakness he has for you, it’s possible you might even be assisting in the betterment of the realms.

“You’re speechless,” he hums softly, running the back of his knuckles over your bare collarbone. “Don’t worry, I will do the talking,” he says with a smirk, delighted to hear that he sounds every bit the authoritative ruler he should. “Take my hands,” he commands softly, reaching down as he grasps you and encourages you to rise from your chair.

When you obligingly follow his orders and rise before him, Aegon then guides you, leading you towards the bed. He stops once the backs of your knees hit the wooden frame, which is now padded by many layers of newly laid quilts, and turns you away from him. His hands carefully unfasten your apron, tossing it over the footboard before he starts to work at untying the laces of your dress. He loosens them swiftly until your bodice hangs slack.

He’s very well practiced in the art of removing a woman’s clothing, whether they be a whore, a noblewoman, or even a servant as is your case. Still, he holds a certain fondness for you, a consideration that he does not offer readily to most of his conquests. You have given him something so valuable, a treasure that no other has even thought to bestow upon him, and he means to reward you well for it.

Aegon finally removes your dress, pulling it over your head and placing it on top of the apron. All that remains now is a long sleeved undershirt, a slightly more drab version of the sort all women wore under their dresses. He’d like to rip it from your body, but you’ve stirred up such tenderness within his empty heart that he is loathe to treat you in such a way.

Instead, he turns you to face him once more and takes a step back to regard you. “You truly are beautiful,” he states with a sort of quiet awe. He had never really noticed you before and he most definitely should have. What with your cornsilk blond hair and bright blue eyes. Was he really so oblivious to the people and the world around him that he couldn’t even notice such a stunning, caring maiden working directly under his nose? Had he always been avoiding any state of mental clarity and missed so much in the process of hiding from himself?

You look at him nervously, your body antsy as you shift uneasily, precariously balanced on the edge of the mattress.

“Sit,” he tells you in a hushed tone, not quite wanting to sound as bossy as he does, but trying to relieve you of your discomfort. He takes another step back once you have complied, his gaze now roaming your body, taking in the sight of you, or at least what he can see in that loose potato sack of a frock you’re wearing. Aegon can definitely make out some of your feminine curves though, the slope of your shoulder incredibly pleasing as is the way your breasts protrude noticeably through the fabric, and so too do your wide hips.

He smiles warmly at you, his eyes taking their time to appreciate the woman before him. He can’t help but ponder in this moment, how he’s never felt this way before, a lust that isn’t just physical in nature, but somehow more genuine. Aegon is no stranger to carnal pleasures and strongly desires to claim you in every way possible. But there is something more present in his heart as well, the wish to hold you close and protect you from the entire world, and to in turn be sheltered by you from the chaos of the Iron Throne.

Aegon decides then that he wants your first time together to be gentle, just as it was when you first came together. He closes the distance between the two of you and reaches out with both hands, grabbing softly on either side of your shoulders. Your soft, supple flesh gives pleasingly beneath his fingers as he guides you to lay down on top of the blankets. As you scoot backwards across the width of the bed, he can’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction that you were finally in his bed and no longer a fantasy inside his mind.

Once you’ve nestled into the plushness beneath you, he steps back again, his fingers making quick work of removing his woolen doublet. A flush of excitement blooms across his alabaster skin as he makes a show of the action, enjoying the way you watch him with such focused anticipation. He casts the garment to the floor, now removing his boots as swiftly as he can.

With his breeches already half undone and his chest exposed beneath a simple linen shirt, he is gifted with the sight of you lying in his bed in wait. The image is far more pleasant, far more intimate, than any other woman he has ever taken to bed. Your warmth radiates outward like a blazing fire and by now he is desperate to feel your heat directly. He practically rips his undershirt off, flinging it sideways across the covers.

Aegon makes his way back to you, lifting one knee up onto the mattress and crawling over the entire length of your body until he is face to face with you. His hand cradles your jaw tenderly, caressing up and down until his fingers slip up into your long, flowing tresses.

His intense, violet eyes fix upon yours, looking for any hesitation, but he sees none. It was as though you had been given to him as a gift from the gods, you who always gave and never took from him. There is a vulnerability in his expression that is rarely visible, replacing his usual display of smugness.

He maneuvers his breeches down without much effort, kicking them off once they’re low enough. Now fully settled into the valley of your spread legs, Aegon then grips the hem of your shift, lifting it up your thighs until he feels your body tense. He glances up at you and sees a pang of worry present that is perfectly normal, especially for a maiden.

The king asks the question he’s sure he already knows the answer to. “Have you done this before?”

You shake your head no as a blush of pink covers your cheeks and you bite your lip with pent up longing. Even with your inexperience and worry, he can tell how eager you are regardless. Much like he had been warring with his own thoughts about pursuing more with his chambermaid, you seem torn between your fears and your desires as well.

Aegon smiles sincerely, brushing his thumb gently along your lower lip, before leaning down to give you a chaste kiss. It was a bit of a selfish wish of his that you were untainted by any other man, and a part of him was happy to hear that you were indeed a virgin. It made him revel in delight; knowing you were his alone, that he’d be your first and your last if he had any say in it.

“Relax,” he whispered parting from your lips. “I’ll go slowly.” Aegon gazes at you again, wondering if this is perhaps too much for you, too soon. “That is if you still wish to.”

A look of panic crosses your face, as though you’re worried he might stop. “N-No! I still want to!” you affirm urgently. Your hands wrap around his back, pulling him closer to you, seemingly unwilling to let him go.

The king can barely contain his elation as he presses his forehead to yours, chuckling slightly at your eagerness. His hand slips beneath your undershirt and he slowly strokes the soft skin of your stomach, his fingers grazing over the warm plains of your flesh. Aegon’s breath hitches as he travels higher up your abdomen, finding the pliant curve of your breast.

You moan softly beneath his greedy touch, your body writhing with fervor, and your hips rising impatiently to meet him. Any question he had that you might not be fully keen about this joining was now all but diffused by your enthusiasm.

“You make such pretty sounds,” he teases playfully, feeling a sense of satisfaction at how responsive you are to his touch. He gives your breast a firm squeeze, then teases over the sensitive areola before cupping the whole mound again. His cock throbs painfully against the mattress, still bound by his smallclothes and yearning to sink into your heat.

His pulse pounds with expectation, finally feeling a sense of relief from the pent up desire he’s held for you all of this time. Aegon removes his hand from under your shift, propping himself up on the bed as he reaches down to unlace his braie. His hand brushes against your core in the process and he shivers at the feel of how wet you already are for him.

With his stiff length finally freed, he ventures a finger along your folds, growling at the silky slickness of your center. “Gods,” he utters with a groan. His cock twitches with need as he tests the tightness of your cunny, eyes rolling back in ecstasy as he imagines thrusting into you with his thick member instead of his digit.

“Are you ready for me, girl?” he asks eagerly, the question a soft inquiry as well as a warning of the impending pain his intrusion is likely to cause. At this point, he feels more like a lovesick boy than the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, his suspense heavy as he drapes your leg around his his hip, opening you more to him. He positions his head at your entrance and presses himself closer to you.

You nod, never taking your eyes off of him as you wrap your hands around his back. Aegon rests his weight on his elbows, covering you completely as he kisses you with tenderness. He tries to express everything he feels for you with actions instead of words, his lips hungrily devouring yours with passion. Without breaking the kiss, he begins to ease into you slowly, immediately feeling the resistance of your still in tact virtue.

His arms slide down, gripping your hips on each side tightly as his chest presses into yours. You let out a whimper into his mouth as he breaches your depths, your thighs clenching against his body at the sharp pain of his invasion. It doesn’t take long for you to relax again, your walls suddenly more welcoming as the sting subsides.

Aegon parts from your lips, pulling back slightly so he can look down at you. A smirk forms on his face as he sees your lurid expression and he begins to move, his hips rolling against yours in a slow, sensual rhythm. His hands slide down to your thighs, spreading them further apart as he thrusts himself deeper inside you. He groans with overwhelming pleasure at the feel of you, his head falling forward as he picks up the pace.

He kisses you again, forcing his tongue into your mouth as he continues to move inside of you. His tongue dances with yours as he begins to lose control, his hips snapping against you with intensity. Aegon can feel his release approaching quickly, unable to hold back for much longer, he tries to hasten you along to satisfaction. His hand slides up your shift once more, squeezing your breast and tweaking your delicate nipple until it pebbles between his fingers.

You squirm under him, incapable of holding still as he drives into you with increased enthusiasm. The king grinds his hips into you relentlessly, grimacing at the way your walls tighten around his cock like a vice. Aegon’s grip on your tit becomes harder, flipping between gripping and tweaking your sensitive nipple. His lips withdraw abruptly, his mouth searching out your other breast and nipping it through your undershirt.

He grins against the cloth as you cry out loudly, your body rigid as your climax rolls over you and soon he can feel it wash over his length as well. But, he can’t take it anymore, not how tight you are or how creamy your release feels on his tender cockhead. It’s all too much and within a moment he is gripping hard to your flesh and burying himself deep within you, his spend erupting in spurts from his pulsing member.

“Fuuuccck,” he growls out, his hands finding their way beneath your back and pulling you towards him securely, trying to get even closer if that was at all possible.

You pant below him, trying to catch your breath as little spasms continue to twitch throughout your back and your thighs tremble against his hips. A warm, blissful calm settles over him as he nestles his face into the crook of your neck and inhales deeply of your scent. He feels pleasantly dizzy, his heartbeat finally slowing as the haze of lust subsides.

Aegon sighs into your ear, the tone content and relaxed. “That was incredible,” he murmured softly, his voice low as he gently runs his hand along the side of your cheek.

“It was,” is all you can manage to say, your breath still a bit ragged as you try to come down from the high.

Your hand finds its way into his white hair again, brushing up against the nape of his neck and causing him to shiver. He’s once again reminded of the shared encounter that started all of this and he’s overcome with a fondness that makes his chest ache.

Aegon feels closer to you in every possible way now and isn’t keen on the idea of parting from you, but he can feel his cock softening and the mess beginning to pool on the sheets. So he slowly pulls out of you, collapsing onto the bed at your side. He grabs one of his stray garments without looking, probably his smallclothes or maybe his shirt, and cleans up his seed from you first and then himself.

He adjusts towards the head of the bed, resting on his side against the pillows and reaching out for you to join him as he scuttles under the covers. “Come here,” he says softly, pained by the loss of her warmth.

As you get up and crawl towards him, he scoops you up into his arms. Aegon holds you close, his chin resting against the top of your head as he wraps the quilts around your form and presses himself tighter against your back. The king can no longer deny the depth and the power of his feelings for you as you cuddle in his arms. There’s a sense of deep security and comfort welling up within him, but any words seem inadequate in this moment.

Aegon kisses your temple, the doting gesture unlike anything he’s bestowed upon a lover before. “I think I’m going to sleep quite well tonight,” he muses into your hair, still cradling you in his arms.

“Are you sure it’s alright for me to stay with you? In your chambers?” you ask quietly with seemingly no clue how ridiculous he thinks you sound for asking such a thing.

His mouth twitches into a small smile and he lifts his chin to press another kiss into your hair.

“Of course. I’m the king. I can do whatever I want,” he quips playfully, his voice sounding drowsy and relaxed as he settles into the plushness of the bed. “Now, come. Get your rest. You’re going to need it.” There is a gentle warning present in his tone that you do not seem to catch, that he intends to have more of you in the morning.

You nod, twisting your back towards the mattress until you’re facing him. The expression you give him is enough to make his heart melt, those big, blue eyes like deep pools filled with bottomless love and devotion. You wrap your hand behind his neck and pull him close for a kiss, a request he’s more than happy to oblige.

Your mouth is sweet and hot against his and he can’t help but to lick the line of your lower lip before parting from you. Aegon settles you back into place, his chest enveloping your smaller frame as he holds you possessively. He feels such solace in the close proximity of your body, his limbs toasty warm as he falls into a deep state of relaxation. He’s not even aware of when the moment he falls asleep, it happens so quickly.

—Aegon

When the first light of day streams through the window, Aegon finds his eyes drifting open and then closing again, not sure of what time it is, but too comfortable to want to move. His back feels incredibly warm with the slight dampness of sweat and he opens his lids once more to see your arm wrapped over his chest. He can feel your hot breath at his neck now that he’s paying attention fully and your leg slotted between his.

Aegon’s lips curl into a satisfied smile, basking in the near domestic feel of waking up like this with someone he actually cares for. He takes your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours as he rests his own arm on top of yours.

He tries to settle into his pillow once more, nuzzling his backside into you further and bending his knees more deeply. The peace is short lived though as the doors to his chamber fling open and he hears the startled gasp of a woman. It couldn’t be just any woman, like perhaps another maid come to clean his room in place of the one that never showed up for work. No, it had to be his mother, of all the people he did not wish to see this morning.

The king whips his head over his shoulder and squints in the direction of the door. His mother stands there with a hand over her mouth, frozen in horrified disbelief as though she’d just seen a ghost. Aegon grits his teeth, sitting up with a jolt, forced to realize just how compromising this situation must look with the way he was tangled in bed naked with you.

“No, no, no, no, no, Aegon!!” she practically screams at him and the sound jars you from your slumber. He wishes you could have stayed asleep, to have escaped the madness of his family for just a little longer.

Alicent picks up her skirts so she can walk swiftly around the bed and to his side, standing there with a judgmental sneer. “This is just like Diana, isn’t it!?” she cries hysterically. “Isn’t it!?” his mother prods him further.

Aegon looks back, catching your shifting uneasiness from his peripheral vision, then turns to his mother again, suddenly feeling very protective of you. You are innocent in all of this and should be afforded the ability to wake up from your first time making love in some semblance of calm, not to one of his mother’s outbursts. And of course the first thought she would have of him was that he had raped yet another servant girl. His mother was blissfully ignorant of everything he had done as a young man, except for the acts she felt the need to berate him for, even though she had never been around to offer any kind of proper guidance.

He lets out a groan of exasperation, running his fingers through his mussed hair and tries to think of an answer that might satisfy his fuming mother, but he knows this is a lost cause.

“No,” he denies, shaking his head as he avoids eye contact with her. There is no conviction in his tone, but it’s not like she would ever believe a thing he said on the matter.

“So it was consensual then?” the Dowager Queen asks glaring past Aegon and looking straight at you.

He glances to his side and sees you nod, but interrupts before you can say anything more. “You do not have to explain yourself to her,” he says in a much softer voice, trying to shield you from his mother.

“So, she’s just another one of your tramps then!” Alicent hisses with disgust. “Is it so hard for you to keep your hands off the staff? Can’t be bothered to go into the city anymore, you need to make sure you find your pleasure within the walls of the Red Keep?” Her words are vitriolic and hateful without any attempt to understand the situation.

“I should have gotten rid of your father’s little bastard when I had the chance. I should have known better that she would be too pretty for you to resist, but I was assured that the girl’s skills were tantamount to any risk,” she continued on her tirade, barking out every spiteful dagger she could think of.

“What of your wife!? How can you carry on like this!? Oblivious to the people you hurt!?” the Queen Dowager prattled on, not waiting for an answer, but seemingly wanting to preach her conclusions endlessly.

“You know Helaena’s fallen deep into sadness ever since Jaehaerys died. Ever since you forced her to endure that disgusting funeral procession through the streets of the city.. And it’s not like we ever had a deep connection even before that, Mother.” Aegon’s voice was bitter, resentful. He was sick and tired of this farce of familial love when she barely ever showed him any hint of it.

He’s incredibly shocked when he hears you speak up, your voice quiet, but accusing, even defensive, “You’re one to talk, Queen Dowager. You hurt Aegon more than any other.”

“How dare you! You insolent wretch!” his mother didn’t hesitate to bite back, her acrimony potent in the air. “You can consider your employ here ended. Gather your belongings and leave!” she looked at you impatiently, as though expecting you to stand immediately and go. “Now!” she snarled, her nose crinkled with anger.

“No,” the king interceded on your behalf, stilling you with his hand on your hip. “You will not go anywhere.”

“She absolutely will go! This is not acceptable behavior for any chambermaid in the employ of the royal family!” Alicent was insistent, with no sign of backing down, but Aegon had enough of this contest of wills.

“Mother!” he bellowed at her furiously, finally snapping back at her with conviction. “I am the king and you will obey me!”

That finally got her attention, for the first time in his entire life he saw a flash of fear in his mother’s eyes and it only emboldened him to continue.

“You will not do a thing to this girl. She is under my protection,” he added, his ruling absolute. “And if I find that you have touched her, hurt her in any way, then I will have you hung. Just like the rat catchers.”

Aegon’s lips curl upwards in smug satisfaction, finally realizing a fraction of the true power he held as sovereign of the realms. His mother did not respond, regarding him with silent malice, her glare ever testing the limits to see if he truly meant it. When she saw that he did, his mother backed down, her shoulder slumping slightly as she relented, but not before getting one last dig in.

“Very well, My King,” she mocked with false sincerity, giving him a sarcastic curtsy. “I will leave you to your dalliances. I should know better than to interrupt a man having his fun.” She left in a flurry of resentment, slamming the door behind her with a loud thud.

No matter how furious he was with his mother, she still remained his parent, the woman who gave him life, whom he loved and had once revered above all else. Even this victory he had over her felt hollow, and he realized that even when he won, he still lost in one way or another.

He turned to you, his expression a mix of concern and tenderness. Aegon stroked gently at the side of your cheek, wanting to make you feel safe again after you’d been forced to tolerate the full brunt of his mother’s wrath. He found you to be more resilient than he’d ever expected, already sitting up and staring at him with a knowing look upon your face.

“I’m so sorry,” you say softly and almost instantly he feels something within his chest fracture.

It might have been the facade he always wore cracking, how he always projected an image of indifferent merriment so none would know how truly miserable he was. It might even have been the very fact that you had suffered insults by associating with him and yet you were still concerned about his well being.

Aegon can feel tears welling in his eyes and when you spread your arms out towards him, he doesn’t hesitate to crash into you. He buries his face in your comforting bosom and finally allows himself to fall apart in your embrace without shame. It’s probably the safest and most accepted he’s ever felt in his entire life and he knows now that he won’t ever be able to exist without you.

As you rake your fingers through his silvery locks, his tears dwindle until he is left relaxed, sated by your validation that his life is not as easy as everyone might think it is. He listens to your heartbeat as his fingers dig firmly into your back, making sure you can never leave his side. It’s a mercy, that you don’t seem to mind how clingy and needy he is. If anything, you seem born to mend his wounds, a soothing balm to his troubled soul.

You lean back against the pillows and soon Aegon finds himself drifting asleep against you. As his aching eyes begin to close, he can’t help but hope that he never disappoints you. He’s so convinced that he is a failure from the constant disparagements he’s endured throughout his life, that he can’t even fully enjoy you without worrying that he isn’t worthy of you - that you might leave him.

As if reading his mind, your hand massages gently along his scalp, cradling his head closer to your breast. “Don’t worry,” you say reassuringly. “It’s going to be alright. I promise.”

Aegon didn’t know how you could possibly promise him such a thing, but somehow hearing you say it aloud makes him actually want to believe it.

Read Chapter 2

And will you be bold Will you lose control? I could never desert you I could never let go If you fall in line And the zenith calls I'm standing waiting The last to fall

~Starset - Last to Fall

[fizzie-frog]

I don't even know where to start, sorry, buuut Ghostfuckers spoilers ahead.

"Who needs you anyway?!"

Blitz's avoidant coping once more. I am guilty of avoidant behaviour just like Blitz and while it technically eases stuff, it becomes too much when there's so many problems you ignore and they pile up. This behaviour also makes it hard for someone to be vulnerable, which obviously is the case for Blitz, too. It hurts to be vulnerable. We avoid being vulnerable, because we avoid being hurt.

So instead of trying to talk through with Millie, Blitz opts for being avoidant.

The imagery in this episode is fucking amazing.

Now this is just cruel. :(

She's so pretty, omg...

Once again, the imagery is amazing. It's so beautiful, but so tragic. Fucking horrible in the best way. The torment Blitz is going through of that fateful day.

He's breaking down... Crying in front of someone else; this man is avoidant, as stated before, so if he could help he would NOT do this. He's really tormented by his memories.

They're both so badass damn.

"You don't hate me?" I'm disintegrating rn. Help me.

How am I supposed not to sob my eyes out when I see that face?! Taking mom's accessory piece back.

Holding hands!!! Please, yes!!!

"You've always been so unbothered by everything, almost bulletproof"

That's avoidance, baby! Blitz needs to stop being relatable...

But why-

This absolute POS beating up his already injured son has me fucked up!!! I don't doubt Cash probably beat Blitz many times before, but doing so after being burnt too is a special kind of fucked up! He's always been horrible, and I'm sure this is where Fizz too got his issues (with perfectionism that is) and made him an easy target for Mammon. This mdf really fucked everyone over! Fk him!

And then separating them when they both needed each other so much! Blitz and Fizz needed each other more than ever in that moment, and yet that POS preferred to have them suffer! I'm riled up honestly, we've never seen much of this mf but he's managed to make himself insufferable with just a few short scenes! He's horrible and if he's not dead then I wish him the worst.

I miss my baby-

Being forced to watch all this... Fuuuuck.

He's so terrified of losing Millie too! Fuck!

"Blitz can handle this!" Fuck yeah girl, call that mf's bluff.

"So I'm your best friend, huh?" He's so surprised about that I can't.

"I've never had a real friend that I didn't wanna fuck..."

...Does that include Fizz? Hm?

This episode was fucking beautiful.

[justaz]

need post magic reveal/ban repeal where magic is free and everyone grows in their knowledge of just what magic is and how it works etc, etc. merlin (isn't one for bragging about his powers) doesn't really mention much about his magic so people just assume he has enough to get by with like chores but not enough to catch the ire of uther EXCEPT for gauis, lancelot, and arthur bc gaius and lancelot have known about him for years and know what he's capable of and arthur sat merlin down and demanded all the stories so arthur knows he'd be a formidable opponent but he doesn't really get it yk? so he's like "yeah merlin has magic and he's capable of defending himself and camelot so he's probably on the more powerful end of the spectrum like every other sorcerer who is powerful"

and then i need merlin to be Different. like noticeably different. like idk a sorcerer is like trying out to be court sorcerer (bc merlin doesn't want another job dammit arthur give it morgana or someone-) and they perform this elaborate spell that captivates merlin and he starts asking all these questions and the sorcerer is like "yeah it's super difficult, it took me months to get it right and it takes years for some others-" and they cut themselves off bc merlin was just like "i wanna try" and does it perfectly first try. the sorcerer is seething.

camelot is hit with a heatwave and everyone is suffering and arthur is just like "morgana can you make it rain or something? it's too hot to breathe." and morgana is just like "no you idiot i can't just bend nature to my will. it doesn't like that." and merlin finally arrives with waterskins full of nice, cold, refreshing drink that the knights are frothing at the mouth to get. arthur complains again and morgana huffs and merlin is like "has he been like that this whole time?" and morgana nods with a groan and merlin laughs before going "i can try something" and leaves before anyone can say anything and arthur looks at morgana and is like "i thought you said nature doesn't like to be controlled?" and she's like "it doesn't" and then they all chase after merlin but he's chilling in the courtyard with his eyes closed, not even chanting, and then the sky starts to darken as black clouds roll in, the temperature plummets and then...snow begins to fall. in july. they all end up having a snowball fight.

a power hungry sorcerer comes along and is like "emrys....he's perfect....just what i need...teehee" and casts some spell over merlin and begins to siphon his magic and his power and merlin feels waves of his magic flood through the connection and into the sorcerer and like he's a mix of panic and concern bc yeah this mf is taking his magic but they're taking his magic. merlin tries to bargain or talk them down while the knights and arthur try to attack but the sorcerer keeps pushing them back and ignores merlin and is like "i want power, i want your power" blah blah blah monologue time and they swing another wave of magic out at the knights and knock many out while killing some and merlin is just like "ok no that's all folks thanks" and starts to push his own magic through the connection. the sorcerer has this wild gleam in their eyes and they feel more and more power fill them and it's like a high until it gets too much and they frantically try to sever the connection and their telling merlin to stop but merlin is just like "i thought you wanted my power? i'm giving it to you" and continues to flood the sorcerer with his magic until gold begins to trace their skin and they idk explode or smth and then all the magic flies back into merlin and he flexes his hands. unnamed knights 3, 6, 22, 53, and 55 still died so it's a tragedy.

a bunch of sorcerers are entertaining at a feast (kind of like the trickler) and they cast illusions all around the room that look real enough (unless you look too closely or touch it bc they are somewhat see through and your hand would pass right through them) and it's a fun and joyous night. later that week, the knights bring it up during their break while training and merlin is like "sure, what illusion should i cast?" and after some back and forth, he settles on the illusion of a dragon. it's around the size and age of aithusa bc that's all he has to go off of and it's gold since he took inspiration from the pendragon crest all around the area. it jumps around and flaps it's wings to get some air and it's all fine and dandy until elyan goes to poke his hand through it's ribs but meets physical scales and he jumps up into percival's arms. merlin looks closer and is like "oh. its real. whoops." and leon is like "whoops?? you make a real life dragon and all you have to say is whoops?" and merlin shrugs and is like "it was an accident" and leon about keels over from a heart attack "an accident? how do you accidentally-" the dragon is considered a gift from magic to camelot and helps further heal the wounds of uther's purge.

idk just like merlin being casually the most powerful sorcerer to walk the earth and unnerving people just by how little he seems to care about his shows of power but they're all like "well he's just doing all these small things that don't harm anyone and he doesn't even seem to realize just how powerful he is so what can ya do?" and they leave it be and make peace with merlin being Like That. and then camelot/arthur is attacked or smth idk and then everyone gets to see exactly how powerful and dangerous merlin is

[midnightmayhem13]

Hii! Could I request the marvel ladies reaction to reader referring to them as her girlfriend for the first time <33

now i see daylight

this is so adorable! and ofc coming rightt up(ultra delayed post)

warning!- some suggestive bits(nothing specifically said)

Carol Danvers

once awhile, u and the girls go to a fancy jazz club. usually it's an excuse for you guys to dress up and get wine drunk and wake up feeling refreshed, albeit a lil hungover. this time, you and your lovely gf Carol go as a together. you wore a stunning navy blue dress and she wore a casual navy suit. Carol was drooling over you and she couldn't stop staring at you but you were also obsessing over ur sexy buff ass gf. you walk in hand in hand and go around the party talking to ur friends. you and carol separate for js a moment. when ur friends head home u sit there sipping ur drink alone and a man comes to sit next to you and start bugging you. "hey beautiful, you here alone?" "no im actually with someone" you answer sternly. thanks to Carols quick reflexes, you don't have to suffer long. she puts a firm hand on ur back and kisses the top of ur head. but thanks to the drinks he doesnt take the hint. "why don't u take me home dove; i'll show you want i can do." you and carol giggle. as she's about to say smt, you interupt. "actually" leaning into Carol, putting ur hand on her stomach as her hand goes over ur shoulder. "i'm gonna be taking my beautiful girlfriend home so you can go now." Gosh you've never looked sexier to carol. she honestly js starts fawning over you and lets out a THATS MY GIRL and hugs you super tight bc her heart js melted. you're so proud about being with her and she cannot contain the blush that's on her cheek. you two walk out (ur lipstick all over Carols face and neck) she's so giddy about the events that happened and cannot stop kissing u all over. it's like ur first date all over again and honestly, she can't wait to call u her wife!!

Darcy Lewis

Darcy is the smartest girl you know. and naturally as an Avenger you introduce her to Tony and safe to say he's very impressed with her and pats you on the back for finding such a brilliant girl. everyone likes Darcy too!! she makes you happy, she's hot, she's loyal, and mf is a Dr and an astrophysicist!! you always flaunt that. well when a big company asks the avengers to come work with them bc some sort of anomaly (think wandavision but no one's dead bc i said so) has accured and they need some brains and brawns. while tony and bruce alone were smarter than all of the companies scientists; they bit off more than they could chew. after a few weeks of all the scientists working at it, they only advance a bit. you go home and darcy comes over and you rant to her about it bc ur fed up. and suggest the idea of bringing her to help and she considers it. she spends the night so she might as well tag along and see what she can do. at first the companies big boss disregards her and even tries to push her away from the monitors. you grab his wrist "don't you touch her. and just so yk my girlfriend is smarter than all ur stupid scientists so i suggest you let her take a look so she can fix wtv ur men can't" Darcy is actually frozen to her spot bc that was so hot. the heat from her cheeks spread all the way down and she's at a loss for words. her face turns bright red and she nudges you too stop cutting the guys circulation off (she's well aware you'll break this guys arm for her). she thanks you and kisses ur cheek as she sits down. give her a few hours and BOOM. she's gotten to the bottom of the problem and has two possible ways to fix it, they both end up working. Darcy bugs about how much you brag about her. you give her a whole speech on why she's the greatest women ever as you hold her. she loves you with her whole heart and has never felt safer in her big bad avengers gfs arms.

Maria Hill

Even though Maria is always incredibly busy with Shield, and you with the avengers, you always find time to be together. but being women of high power has never been easy. that being said, both of you get looked down on even after showing ur skill time and time again. so you arrive at headquarters looking for your bad ass gf, carrying with you a few treats so she doesn't forget to eat. as you make ur way towards everyone they seem to be doing their usual thing. you could spot her from a mile away away. she's the most beautiful women you've ever laid eyes on. you approach her. her eyes land on you and her face immediately lights up. she greats you with a tight hug, a kiss on the head and then the lips. she's gotten more comfortable with being affectionate at work, you notice. "thank you baby" she says sweetly, completely contrasting to the harsh tone she uses with her troops. "i'll be back in a second" she goes to tell her most trusted troop to take charge as she steps out for a second. almost as if she cannot live in peace, a scrawny, insecure guy comes out of nowhere and starts complaining about Maria being off duty (who even is he) he starts causes a scene and honestly makes you laugh a bit. you two go to walk off to ignore him and suddenly the hoe grabs you!! yeahh maria is not gonna let this go. but when she goes to interfere but yank your arm away "my girlfriend has all of this under control so why don't you turn around and get back to work, the nerve of you!" Maria jaw is DROPPED. i mean she knew you could get serious but seeing her adorable gf give commands does something to her body. almost as if she's shy being in ur presence. she's sure she's never smiled bigger. you turn around and grab her had and guide her to the break room. she feels like she has a silly little school girl crush as she giddily follows you around.

sharon carter

(this is power broker sharon bc she's hot but no one's dead BC I SAID SO) To say sharon was kinda nervous about telling you about her job was an understatement. i mean you were an avenger but also the love of her life. it was a long talk but you got it to work. anyways you hung around a lot at her place bc hello?? it's huge and you love seeing ur hot gf do illegal ass things bccc she wasn't an avenger level threat (yet) so by ur logic, we're chilling. and she was on okay terms with steve, bucky and sam. when she hosts her auctions you're always welcome to come to them too! you want to be there just in case the worse happens, even tho she's more than capable of controlling it. but that doesn't mean you're safe from any guys or gals that want to hit on you. if they know who you are, you're okay but if they don't know who you are or have a death note they'll hit on you. usually you hang low or by the bar bc sharon's busy at these events. as you sip your favorite margarita you feel a tap on your shoulder. a security guard? "uhm hi can i help you?" you ask politely. unbeknownst to you sharon's watching (she always is) and heading her way over to you. the guards are specifically told not to speak to you unless u speak to them. she's possessive what can you say. "i'm not sure you're on the list your gonna have to step out" he says roughly grabbing ur arm and tugging you off your stool. sharon is basically bolting at this point. "my girlfriends the owner of this place and is the reason you buy ur meals so get off of me" you say and push him back. he's about to tackle you bc yk ego. until he sees an arm snake around your waist. oh sh*t. "get the hell out my house" sharon says and he gets escorted out. you'll probably never hear from him again. sharon grabs your waist and pulls you impossibly close to her as she places her lips on yours. "that was so sexy baby" she says on ur lips. her stern demeanor almost broke when she heard you calling her your girlfriend so proudly. it made her knees want to buckle and she felt like kicking her feet. she finally got the girl of her dreams and u guys were a match made it heaven. she can't stop thinking of this moment for months to come and definitely shows how proud she is of you later that night.

Nebula

nebula thought she was gonna be a lot of things in life. but never did she think she was gonna be the girlfriend of the most beautiful and kind girl in the galaxy. she seriously never expected to ever be blessed by your presence much rather be loved so deeply by you. although she's been weary of love her whole life, you've completely changed her perspective. you love her so deeply it's almost unfathomable. that being said, anything you guys are in a new planet and go explore you always make sure to stick to her side. who's gonna mess with ur big ass blue gf?? not to mention she's possessive with you and aggressive with anyone but you. she's also so gentle with her sweet girl. so you'd expect any on looker to stay away from you bc nebula likes to walk around with her hand on ur butt while holding you close. but when some weird looking dude approaches nebula immediately become alert but all he does is aggressively bump into her "hey watch where the hell your going u got ur dirty paws on my girlfriend!" you yell as you grab wtv the hell is on top of his (maybe hair??) and he has no other choice but to apologize to nebula. when he leaves nebula is left speechless. why are you so proud that ur dating her?she can't control herself tho and pulls you into an ally to passionately make out with you. that was so hot. she lifts you by ur butt and presses you against a wall. you giggle and pull away as she chases ur lips "what's with this nebby?" "i love you." she says hoarsely. she didn't know how to respond to the whole situation. she couldn't care less about what the guy said or didn't say. but you loved her so much and we're so open about it. she was gonna love you forever.

kate bishop

Kates sure you could do something so simple as breathing and she would get giddy. she's no kidding. she absolutely adores you and you adore her. that's why you two just work. and while not all things come to you guys that simple most things do. you to do have your fights but they can usually be resolved with a good talk followed by a movie marathon with pizza and Lucky cuddles. so that's what you guys are doing right now. don't get me wrong, this happens on a weekly bases not just when you guys are having an argument. it's just a chill saturday afternoon, both you and kate resting from having a hard week in training and working with adults who never seemed to be pleased with any improvement in any skill. but anyways. you kate and lucky are all cuddled up on her couch as you decide what movie to pick out. as if it's a 6th sense kate suddenly gasps "we didn't order pizza!" and even lucky pops his head up, distraught by this horrible news. you have a good laugh but kate is seriously concerned about this. you stroke her hair and kiss it and tell her you'll order it rn. kate js smiles snuggly at lucky (who she high fives) as she leans her head on ur tit and receives head rubs. you call her favorite pizza place and order ur usual order while she finds a few movies to binge. thanks to nyc, ur pizza arrives in no time. and when you hear the bell ring you and lucky go answer the door. kates too busy complaining cuz her pillows gone. as you answer the door luckys right there as ur security. "haha your dogs really cute!" says the delivery guy "thank you my girlfriend found him!" you say simply as you tip him and close the door. kate literally gets up and runs around as she squeals. you thought she was just really hungry but after she picks you up when you put the pizza down she tells you other wise. she spins you around and cannot take the big goofy smile off her face. she's left speechless but her smile speaks for her. when you ask her about it your heart melts at how pure she is. the rest of the night she's has that smile on her face as she's resting on ur favorite pillow, you!!

a/n- so sorry this took so long and it's kinda crappy! i was kinda stuck so they all sound similar but hopefully you guys enjoyed! send requests!!🤍🤍

stay safe hoes🤍

[rollcakies]

Now that we're 2 beasts in, I've been thinking a lot about Burning Spice, but it started capturing Mystic Flour as well and what makes Beasts as a concept so interesting and what differs them from Ancients beyond just the roles they fulfill in the story.

I'm a huge sucker for gods and deities in fiction that are manevolent but there's a reason for why that is. And both BS and MF has been a HUGE delight in what brought their corruption.

Ultimately, it all comes down to the fact that they're cookies given godly powers, essentially Gods created for prosperity of mortals, but that power and immortality were too much for them to handle. Knowing only immortality they do not understand, and will never truly experience the hardships of mortality and what life truly means. I think the overarching theme of life cycle and identity is something I really appreciate in CRK, and with Burning Spice and Golden Cheese's conflict it became even more apparent.

In this post I just want to ramble on about how immortality and mortality are played out in the story and caused the events that they did. As I've said, Beasts do not know mortality, they may have been given the mission of bringing mortals to enlightenment and propserity but in the end of it all, we got now a Beast who was unfairly hurt by mortal desires and wishes she wished to fulfill, and found solution in her problem to be removing the desire and identity in the first place, and a Beast who grew so weary of the same cycle of life repeating in front of his eyes, the only solution he saw in reliefing his suffering was to wipe everything out completely.

These are such compelling characters to me in a way that when you put them next to Ancients it becomes so clear what Ancients have that Beasts lack - it's the luxury of living a life of a Mortal, it's having the opportunity to choose and write their own destiny and choosing their mission, whereas Beasts were not given that, and I think witches have realised that when sealing them away.

Beasts, or at least the 2 of them we have and know better so far, are driven by the extreme of nihilism created by their power and being. You do not need to exist because what is the point of it? Desires bring suffering and you all will die eventually anyway. It is such a tragic situation of gods that found no real way of understanding the hardships of living they directed it towards ones they were supposed to help, protect and show the right path. They were supposed to be the beacons of Life and Civilization but couldn't understand what even makes Life and Civilization truly meaningful, leading to their downfall. It's their failure, but it doesn't make it less sad.

I'm so excited for the rest of the Beasts to be shown, cuz nothing brings me more joy that having my posts either age really poorly or very well.

Also that the fact it seems the Beasts stories and designs are taking inspiration from irl religious figures and myths I'm looking forward what the rest are gonna be. I speculate a Christian saint for Shadow Milk, Dionysus for Eternal Sugar and Forseti for Silent Salt.

[fangisms]

war is over

A/N: i figure this takes place sometime around the holidays 1996?? that seems like the cleanest place for me to shove it <3

Pairings: George Weasley x GN!Reader

Summary: George comforts you over your losses and grief during the war. 1.0k words.

Warnings: established relationship, the mf 2nd wizard war, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, stress/anxiety, mentions of grief/loss, pet names (poppet, love), the ultimate trifecta: crying kissing cuddling

It had been a long holiday. With apocalypse looming and hopelessness rearing its ugly head, it had been difficult to focus on festivities and warmth. The mug of hot chocolate cupped in your palms seemed to burn right through your skin. You felt cold though swaddled in sweaters and blankets and embers and touch.

When you retreated upstairs, George had followed you with delicate strides. He’d give you space until he was required of you. Which was almost immediately with how you beckoned him to lay down beside you as your head hit his pillow.

And now you’re tucked under his chin, arms folded with yours over his knitted and monogrammed sweater while your cheek is pressed to his shoulder. The whispers of small talk between you simmered for long enough when you fell silent. If he had to guess, he’d say you’d grown too tired, but that was before you rattled in his arms and took a choked breath in.

“What’s bothering you, poppet?”

You sob and curl into his side, pressing your knees up against his thighs and balling your fists, clenching your teeth out of frustration and exhaustion.

“I…”—a tear slips down your upper lip and your damp lashes squint closed—“I understand what we’re fighting for—what we’re all fighting for, and I know we’ve all put in far too much effort to waste, I mean—the things people have done for this war and this cause is incredible and once it’s over and we win, lives will be changed, but”—you shake your head and press the hard heels of your palms to your eye sockets—“sometimes… it feels like we've lost too much. We've lost... so much. And I'm so sick of it.”

George swallows hard. He turns, tip of his nose pressed to your hairline as you agonize over your long-suffered grief. He takes a deep breath, only drawing the pads of his fingertips down your arm while your fist tightens around the sternum of his sweater.

He waits until you’ve begun to mediate your inner conflict. Your bones settle and you breathe like usual, and he can finally tilt your chin up and look you in the eye. He brushes his thumb over the supple and wet apple of your cheek. And he whispers:

“You’re right.”

You recoil slightly, a serious pout drawing your lips into an upside down half moon of disappointment. Until his lips meet the tender bridge of your nose.

“We are far too young to be so worried about the problems left for us by our parents,” he huffs, “But I think… at least I hope… that our dark cloud has the brightest silver lining waiting for us.”

It’s hard to believe. He’s never sounded so corny, you think, he’s officially lost it. But he smiles and curls his hand at the base of your skull and you want to trust all of him.

“Something wonderful is going to come of this war that is not going to come together until everybody’s shaking hands and dancing and we’re finally free of the horrid thing keeping us all in the dark.”

Fine. As hard as it is to accept his hope and rosiness, you are desperate for it. You want to share his awful optimism and bathe in whatever gold-crested fountain he was born from.

His fingertips feather and skirt across your face, behind your ear, beneath your lips, over your eyelids. So gentle you wouldn’t dare stop him. You can’t bring yourself to resist the slow and steady smile creeping across your face.

Then Molly shouts, “Dinner’s ready, my loves!”

His weight shifts to the edge of the bed. You open your eyes and curl your fist around the hem of his sweater. He turns to flash you a sweet smile.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

His warm hand cups the sude of your face as he dips down and softens you with a sturdy kiss. And when he tries you pull away, you urge him with another. And another.

“Come on, poppet,” George chuckles, “We’ll feel better once we’ve eaten.”

He assists you in sitting up but you still grown and flop against him like a rag doll. He couldn’t be happier. Neither could you as you hum and listen for the hushed footfalls racing down the stairs and the raucous laughter and the warmth that seeps in through every wall.

He kisses your knuckles and you whine in protest.

“One more minute.”

It’s muffled because your face is squished against his shoulder, so he laughs heartily and deeply but out of kindness.

“Alright! Minute’s up, I’m hungry”—he pats your knee with determination yet—“You’re mad if you think I’ll let you starve me just because I love you.”

You slip out of the bed, wobbling over to stand between his legs and pout—quite unserreptitiously—“So you love me?”

“Of course I love you.” You lean down to kiss him and pull away just as he closes his eyes. And as you do, his eyes snap open. “But I also love food!”

He leads you by the hand, hurried down the steps to the table, making sure to sit beside you with his fingers intertwined with yours.

The food is warm and soft and the people around you are gentle and soft-spoken and all of it fills you with comfort and relief. With confidence and just an inkling of hope. An inkling of hope to stake a battle on. To build purpose on. And maybe, you think, there are things greater than yourself that are worth fighting for.

masterlist

[angelpuns]

Something really neat about living on a farm with like 3-4 generations of a family is that you get hand me down bed frames. And they're uncomfortable and you always need a box spring, but they're SOLID WOOD. They're durable asf.

Anyway I've been suffering general body aches for the last two years cause of the condition of my bed/mattress among other things ( both hand me downs, durable but the MF box spring HURTS) and I also more recently had a footboard, which meant I couldn't have my fan at the end of the bed which means I'm fucking hot all the time. I eventually see a daybed at a local antique store. Immediately want. Its perfect, fits the vibe of my room, immaculate. FAN ACCESSIBLE WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT. Turns out my grandma has one that isn't 'probably haunted' and costs 0 dollars and maybe a couple of hours of labor. So 2-3 hours of taking beds apart, transporting, putting em back together, I have a daybed. Yay. Dream come true. And this shit is so comfortable. Its amazing. no box spring needed I sleep like a baby, for the most part. Mental issues aside.

Anyway TODAY IT FUCKING BROKE. BECAUSE ITS NOT WELL MADE AND I AM A FAT DUDE OK. Whatever no big deal put it back together and plan to get some plywood as some extra strength but ITS no big deal

Well it is now 4 am and considering I work the longest shifts this week I have worked in a while, the wood has become number one priority CAUSE THAT SHIT BROKE AGAIN WHEN I WAS LAYING ON IT. RAGHH.

Morale of the story and the tldr is this particular bed is shit and I should have bought the almost definitely haunted antique daybed :)

[jeneseoquoi]

saw this thing on twitter saying 127 are all the type to get in a fight for u but who do u think actually would fight??? like i cant see alllllll of them fighting lol

LMAO i'm laughing bc i saw this exact same thing on twitter too. it was hilarious seeing everyone's opinions. here's mine:

nct 127 | reacting to you in a fight

taeil: he is absolutely not jumping in at any point in time. will make sure nobody tries to sneak you though. snatches anybody's phone who tries to record it. tells you you won even if you both know they two pieced you up. laughs every time when it randomly pops into his head weeks/months/years later.

johnny: his big ass. he will definitely laugh while recording if you're really tossing that ho like a salad. if you start losing or the other person's friends try to jump you, he's immediately intervening to stop the fight. lines everyone who witnessed it up and makes them delete any incriminating evidence off their phones.

taeyong: is BEGGING you to stop fighting. once he realizes it's dead serious and you're not going down without a fight, he just steps back to watch and make sure nobody around is being sneaky. (saw someone on twitter say he would post the other person's weave that he snatched up the next day and i absolutely stand by the person who said this lmaooooo.)

yuta: MY DAWG IS 100% IN THE MIDDLE WRECKING HOS FOR YOU. like the minute he senses you're about to get in a fight, he's already there throwing bows left and right. let a trifling bitch pull your hair, he's immediately got them in a chokehold talking about some "i'll let go when you let go." lays out anybody who ever tries to step to you again. this is my rider frfr.

doyoung: is so embarrassed omg. yelling at you to remember his image in hopes of getting you to come to your senses and stop fighting. actively running around the crowd taking peoples' phones so they can't record. soooo mad at you after the fight is over, but still makes sure to take care of you and any wounds you suffered.

jaehyun: anyone who decides to be with this man has to have hands like. he is genuinely confused as to what's happening, but trusts that you can handle your own so he just watches in amusement. lies and tells you it's just a little scratch & that you still look pretty afterwards, even though your shit is BUSTED. at least you won though.

jungwoo: is screaming, crying, and throwing up. like normally you're his soft, sweet baby, so who the fuck is this?!?!? in tears the entire time it's happening, like he can't even comprehend what led up to the fight in the first place. on his knees, BEGS you to never ever get into another fight ever again. he is genuinely traumatized, like he never sees you the same way again lmao.

mark: cursing everybody in that mf out. "the fuck is your problem bro"-ing everyone involved. only hops in when he sees you starting to lose. in turn starts getting his ass beat, which gives you the advantage to start molly whopping hos so you can save your man. will forever remind you of the time he got his shit rocked just so you wouldn't lose a fight. don't ever let him go hahaha.

haechan: honestly, probably the reason you're in a fight in the first place. like he was the one talking mad shit in the first place, but you know he don't got hands at all, so now here you are fighting his battle. keeps taunting the other person & the people on their side like "yeah that's right, mess with me and my girl will smack you up." you promise yourself that when you're done whooping their ass, that he's next.

[alevolpe]

How do the girls deal differently with anger? If it's too much, I'm mostly interested in reading your thoughts on Ami, Rei, Makoto and Minako.

Your insights are *chef kiss*.

I REALLY love this question! Srry it’s taken me so long to answer.

First of all I’ll say for all of them, it depends! Is it something out of their control? Cause if not, mf REI HINO does not stay mad about it, Her ass is sprinting to kick the problem’s ass in milliseconds, right along with Mako! But for simplicity sake, I’ll say the reason the girls are angry is something out of their control and they can only sit there and find way to deal with their emotions.. ok. GO!

Ami. Ami stresses, Ami stresses way more than people think she does. I genuinely see Ami being an extremely stressed person, to the point where I can easily see her being the one with the shortest life span. Stress is scientifically proven to have adverse effects on your health.

How does Ami deal with anger? In most situations I think she suffers in silence. She doesn’t ponder too much, she just tries to keep on going like nothing happened, cause the second she starts taking a moment to think about herself openly is the moment she catches herself “being selfish”. People around her don’t need to see this.

Ami is meant to be that one pleasant person you come across. The one to be always kind to you, no matter the day. A silent yet strong and resilient symbol of strength and comfort.

This is obv a very unhealthy mindset, which I can see Ami getting better at as she get older, but not all the way.

She HATES crying, she always has. The lowest moments in her life is where she just couldn’t cope with all her emotions and just broke down and cried, so she associates crying with “This moment is REALLY THAT BAD”, it’s almost a coping mechanism where she sees herself brimming with copious amounts of anger and emotion, yet she’s not crying, so it’s fine, it’ll be ok. The moments where she cried never ended up ok and still resonate with her.

I think Ami also finds small, yet meaningful ways to destress while coping with anger. Reading is a simple one, I think laying on the floor and taking a moment to decompress helps her too, perhaps while cupping her ears and just depriving herself of as many outside factors as possible. Listening to specific genres of music, going through her father’s sketches, and even sharing an intimate physical moment with a loved one. With Ami for me is a wild pendulum between “I need to feel as much as possible RIGHT NOW!” To “I don’t want to feel anything right now”.

Rei. Oh, boi.. Rei, when has Rei ever been angry? LOL Rei is pretty much always angry.. angry at what? EVERYTHING! Angry at the chickens for spreading the feed to the porch, angry at Yuichiro for using the wrong china for tea, angry at the man down the street, angry at the spicy noodles for NOT BEING ON SALE ANYMORE, angry at the nearest pole for standing in REI HINO’s way! EVERYTHING! But she’s right, why? Cause she’s Rei Hino!

On a deeper level, Rei’s anger is mostly directed at herself, it’s like a 70-30 split of Rei holding herself and the world and people around her to such high standards, it eats her alive. She is her biggest critic and that’s honestly why I see her having such a significant ego.. she kind of earns it. She’s so extremely diligent, yet when she messes up or the people around her do, it kills her cause she knows she should do better, she NEEDS to do better and the others need to do better too. Tho their names aren’t Rei Hino, so she can’t expect them to be perfect all the time. Rei Hino though, she’s fucking perfect, so she better not make ANY mistakes and shit, Rei never makes mistakes!

Also Rei lacks the most basic functions of self reflection.. or reflection in general, as well as self-awareness. She doesn’t have high standards on herself to please anyone but herself, so her emotions are more often heightened by the fact that they are not really based on “normal human decency/shame/standards”, but rather based from her own ‘flawless’ logic and standards. So, something so extremely insignificant can be the irrational thing to tip her over the edge to a breakdown.

Her biggest outside source of consistent pumping uncontrollable anger is her father. I really see them as two peas from the same pod, they are both arrogant, head asses who can’t get over themselves to meet the other person half-way. (even tho Rei is way more justified! Cause fuck him fr)

With all that rambling said, how does Rei deal with anger? If Rei is in a situation where she can’t genuinely go and solve the problem herself, I think she meditates. She spends sometimes up to double digits of hours just meditating. In a way the least Rei-like thing to do, but there’s just something so extremely comforting to Rei about it. She can finally detach all of her worries, her judgments and just exist, peacefully.

Mako. Poor baby.. she has dealt with anger issues since such a young age and her coping mechanisms aren’t great. In the best of times they result in: smashing someone’s face open, but if the problem can’t be solved that way… it gets way more complicated. Mako is a very reactive person: you hurt me, I hurt you. That’s her logic, but in a world so complicated how does such a simple creature manage.. poorly I tell you.

Mako does not like being angry, It’s almost shameful for her, especially around her loved ones. She doesn’t understand why she’s so frequently angry and it eats at her, to the point where she’s literally yelling at herself “why can’t you just be happy?!”. Concepts like trauma and mental illness are so unknown to her.. smart people stuff she’ll call it. get this girl a therapist RN!

How does Mako deal with anger? There are many moments where I see Mako being unable to control her anger. Taking it out on objects around her is out the question! She simply cannot afford it, if Mako grips that phone too hard is goodbye to having a phone period… so I see Mako reactively reaching for a cigarette instead. She’s not proud of it, but what can she do? She can get out and go for a run til her muscles ache, but that would expose her to so many outside factors that could risk heightening her anger. A cigarette always helps.. maybe 2 sometimes.

If her anger is not to that destructive level quite yet, she may reach for her mother’s cookbook and set her mind to a nice relaxing baking session or she can reach to that unfinished crocheted scarf and work on it a lil more, perhaps clean the whole living room instead! All activities that bring her comfort, but which are also ways to deal with her anger that would not put her into further trouble.

With her very unstable financial situation I actually don’t see her working out almost at all. She frequents the school’s sport clubs, but outside of that, she can’t just go throw weights around any time she wants. She has school, sailor business, work.. she has no time. Though this is something I see her start doing as she gets older and possible gets engaged into a better financial situation. Outside of physically fighting someone, I don’t see her wanting to let her anger manifest into physical actions (later she’ll learn that’s actually rlly healthy along with speaking about it, but this Mako has never heard of therapy of self-help.. she can barely afford a doctor, let alone a therapist that can tell her how to deal with pain).

Mina! Man.. Mina’s kinda tough. She’s really hard to read and is excellent at masking her emotions. Doesn’t matter how angry she is, if she doesn’t want you to realize she’s angry, you have a very very very low chance of figuring that out and even a lower chance of getting any readable confirmation of your theory.

Much like Rei, Mina is also very self-critical, but not to Rei’s unreasonable extents. Mina is, because she needs to, she’s the leader, the level headed one, controlling her emotions is not a choice, it’s a necessity. Along with that I see her being way angrier at the world around her than any other of the inners, but she’s not hypocritical about it.. she realizes she’s part of the problem. People are so fucking selfish, it’s disgusting, and yet.. she knows she’s not so different.

So how does Mina deal with anger? Ironically enough, I see Mina being the one throwing weights around. Mina LOVES working out, physical activity is her n1 stress reliever. She’s not very picky either, she most often makes do with anything she has at hand, including environments and all types of different circumstances to adapt to the most reasonable and appropriate workout at the time.

Other than that, I can easily see her openly venting to those around her. If it’s something she doesn’t care about you knowing she’s angry about, then you’ll def hear about it, willing or not! That’s the more “friend” part of Mina coming out, and less of her disciplined persona as “the leader”. Different circumstances lead to different ways of coping. There’s a lot that Mina needs to filter between “we’re friends” and “I’m your leader”, and that complex inter-dynamic of her character is one of my favorite aspects of her.

And speaking of public coping method for anger management.. Mina’s kind of a dick too, depending on the day, she’ll go openly be an ass to someone on the street to destress, or encourage Rei in similar behavior. Entertainment is a kind of minor, yet significant way Mina uses to keep her emotions at bay, a form of temporary distraction, and hey.. Mina is pretty shameless after all. She doesn’t care. Also I can see other types of ‘activities’ that are def a personal fav method of coping for Mina as well *ahem*.

[kuro-ousama]

Do you think Prideshipping is one sided or does atem feel that way about Kaiba ?

Ah I'm so sorry I haven't opened my tumblr until now (I kinda had an artist alley event couple weeks back). It'll be a little bit of a long post so I hope you won't kill me :'D

So, for your question, I would say it's mutual attraction, Atem does have feelings for Kaiba, but it's kinda complicated, and it's a build-up of various events that lead to that. Most shippers already know how their relationship gotten at Duelist Kingdom and onwards, so instead I'm going to break down "season 0" manga angle, where it began... for a change of pace.

Okay, from the top, let's start with Kaiba. He was your typical "bully of the week", it's not until after his first encounter with Atem that he became more obsessed. Kaiba was a champion, he was rich and powerful, he was unchallenged, he was undefeated. Kaiba was simply fuck around and find out, and he found out hard. That bruised his ego, that mentally scarred him, "who is this mf and how dare he".

On the other hand, Atem believed himself to be no more than a avenging alter ego, he was defending himself, he does not hold grudges, and he had no other purpose. Atem never had anything to call his own, and generally just being a hidden shadow.

As you already noticed, all of Atem's penalty game are not meant to kill, just scared the bullies enough for them to learn a lesson and not mess with him anymore. Kaiba is the only one who got it twice. So why, and what makes his situation different from other bullies?

Monster illusions was both damaging and inspiring for Kaiba, the whole Solid Visions idea was because of Atem's punishment. At this point, he already obsessed about Atem... even if that's an obsession for revenge. I have to give points to Horse Man, he knows Atem is not Yugi, before even Atem himself realized it, that's just crazy level of observations, and building a whole amusement park (of doom) just to get Atem's attention (by attempt to murder his friends)? If you minus the murdering parts it's kinda insane how driven and committed Kaiba was...

(Insert a very long explanation of Kaiba's backstory and Gonzaburo's very successful ideology implanted that should be in another post)

Back to Atem, Maple Boy saw that his previous penalty game obviously didn't fix Kaiba, nor warned him to stay away from him. His grandpa was hospitalized from a replica of his own penalty game, Kaiba's own blood brother didn't get spared either and would've suffer the same fate. It's not supposed to go like this, but it happened. After he saved Mokuba from the glass box of horror, a regular penalty game just wouldn't do, it failed.

That's why Atem had a different approach this time. Mind Crush is not a "penalty", in a sense, it let Kaiba rebuilding his heart, clear the brainwash of Gonzaburo, recover feelings that he lost, maybe even mend his sibling relationship with his brother. Other bullies gets off because they never dared to approach Atem again, he doesn't care about them anymore, but Atem cared enough about Kaiba that he wished him to be a better person. I take it that at this point, Atem was less angry and think more of "I can fix him".

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Duelist Kingdom is at least six months away and even then Atem was defending the comatosed Kaiba's honor, while Jounouchi and co. shivered every time he was mentioned. It's funny when the friend group only remembered Kaiba as a homicidal maniac but Atem was all rose-tinted over him and gets angry when people badmouthed him... "The greatest duelist I've ever met" well of course sweetie, you only met one before getting on Pegasus's island 🤣 (Jou doesn't count 'cuz he's only picking up the game a week before)

...So in a verrrry twisted version of this trope... Atem developed a kind of "Nightingale effect" for Kaiba? But replace "nursing the patient" with "mindbreak the patient so he can be heal", and said patient was already a yandere for said nurse.

[supermaks]

Do you maybe know if there are articles with the reactions of younger drivers to max coming into f1? Like maybe what drivers like esteban, pierre, alex, charles or even like george were thinking at that time. I'm just really curious to know what the younger Gen of drivers (especially esteban since he won the previous championship) were saying when they saw one of their peers in a f1 car, winning in an f1 car, before they were even on the grid.

Thats a fun question!! idk if I went looking for it the right way but well here u go. 😽🌼

Just somethign to keep in mind is that teen athletes are literally being held at gunpoint at all times by somebody whose sole job is to make sure everybody likes them and they're like thee most employable people in the world. So they wont exactly come out and say how they feel in that moment u shud prolly look to older drivers or mentors or pundits for that. Also Reddit is down and that’s usually where u can find some real juicy and biased one liners without context. The real stuff yk.

Ok so in 2015/2016 I think all Esteban said when asked was that Max had become his 'reference point' and that he hoped to join Max in f1 and ‘eventually beat him’. But something he's admitted since then is that Max's f1 debut was 'difficult to swallow' because he was the one who was winning in f3 and yet Max got the invite. I think Esteban understands why and ultimately he used Max's achievement as motivation, and still does. Last year he called Max a ‘shining example of their generation of drivers’ which I thought was very beautiful.

Baby sharls declarations to the media on the other hand are literally just chatgp wid a mortal conscience. No fr. In 2014 he called Max a 'formidable rival' and said competing wid Max 'builds character' and 'multiple crashes wid Max on track gave him 'additional experience’ in his career. Also ‘coming within 2 seconds of Max Verstappen in KTM was exceptional’. 😭 bro had that experience section LOCKED he wasn’t taking any chances. George I couldn’t find any quotes from that year but George has always had a backhanded type of media game he likes to play wid Verstappen that imo, is very insecure and boring. Last year he said that Max was ‘very patient wid Red Bull’ because in ‘5 years he only won won like 8 races’ and now this season he’s won ‘like 15’. Even tho he ‘deserved to fight for titles sooner’ he didn’t have a ‘championship car’ and now he does so he can. Remarkable. George later adds to this completely unprompted that maybe if Max had ‘signed wid merc first’ and gotten Lewis Hamilton for a teammate’ he wudnt have had such an ‘easy time’ and maybe his career wud resemble George’s more. I have nothing to say to this because I’m an incredibly mature person and it’s pride month. I will instead take a sip of water and listen to my gf snore and wonder what nick latifi is doing. If hes happy.

Now here is where we’re gonna put the Max Generational Limit because the following drivers are all at least 2 years older than Max and had their careers inadvertently shaped by helmut putting an underage child in a f1 car.

So Daniil Kvyat as u can imagine wasn’t exactly ✨thrilled ✨ considering max went on to steal his seat ((and his baby mama.😐😐)). When asked about the mid season swap wid Max he said, ‘I don't know, 18 years old is probably on the edge. But who can say? It is his seat now and it is up to him to do something with it’. To Kvyats credit Max did do something wid it lmfao. He has also recently talked about rbr ‘stabbing him in the back’ and that he wishes he could’ve ‘competed wid Max in equal machinery’ in toro rosso which is funny to me because the mf who did that also got beat for the rbr seat. 😐

Carlos unfortunately suffered from the incurable Max Rivalry disease that has affected 1 in 100 drivers in the world is highly contagious and symptoms include: hallucinations, helmut marko hate crimes, possible mclaren implications. In 2014 while helmut was reshaping pediatric care under the guise of a ‘Junior Programme’ and floating the idea of signing Max because he’s literally allergic to not giving everybody the tea all the time Carlos immediately said he ‘deserved the rbr seat more than Max’ because ‘Max was third in his championship and was beat by another rookie’ ((ESTEBAN MENTION)) and Carlos was ‘the level above that’ which I presume is like Jesus. So ok he wasn’t. That’s fine, it happens, its the disease. Pierre. I don’t care for Pierre he was terminal.

Finally, Alex. Again I literally couldn’t find any direct quote from 2014-2016 about Max but in 2020 Alex said even in karting max was already ‘the young guy to beat’. He’s also made some infamous comments about the way rbr builds their cars that he’s had to backtrack and explain so many times and I kinda feel bad for him because he’s sm bigger than his time wid Red Bull it shouldn’t even matter anymore. However. He did give us this sexy quote on verstappen’s untamable big nosed twin: ‘And when I got into the Red Bull … I mean there was so much nose on the thing that if you blew on the wheel the car would turn. If you play Call of Duty, or a game like that, turn your sensitivity up to the highest it will go. That’s what it’s like to drive that car’ 😋

[stuffnonsenseandotherthings]

January Drama Wrap Up

January was a month of ups and downs (and some very big let downs) but over all I enjoyed what I watched. I tried out a new country's dramas and discovered some classics at the same time and I've built myself a pretty solid Currently Watching List to take me into February.

📊 The Stats

Total Dramas: 12

Currently Watching: 3

Completed: 4

Dropped: 2

On Hold: 3

My To Watch List: 60

🎭 The Dramas

🤼💰 Like Flowers in the Sand - Currently Watching

Like Flowers in the Sand is going to be another one of those k-dramas I am never going to be able to explain to my non k-drama watching friends without sounding like I've lost the plot a little.

"It's a small town drama about a minor league ssireum team and a wrestler who's been in a years long slump. There's also an investigation into a murder linked to match-fixing but that's kind of a side plot and it's linked to the wrestler's childhood friend who's reappeared incognito after disappearing mysteriously many years ago ... I promise it's good!"

It's probably not the drama for everyone but as someone who has historically loved sports centered k-dramas and who loved When Camilla Blooms this drama ticks so many of my boxes. I'm very excited to watch the complex relationships and politics of small town life be put under a microscope and dissected and I can already tell I'm going to love how morally grey all the characters are.

It also doesn't hurt that the ML is the biggest himbo to ever ever himbo and I love him and his empty brain to bits.

Prediction: I become a ssireum fan.

🕹️💌 Love For Love's Sake - Currently Watching

I've been staying away from K-BL these past few months because I've been struggling with their short run time but Love for Love' Sake lured me back in like a moth to the flame and I have no regrets.

Is Love For Love's Sake Perfect? No, there are definitely some pacing issues that are leaving me feeling very temporally confused about how quickly or slowly events are unfolding and the lower than average k-drama budget does show at certain points but, do you what?

I don't care.

I wholeheartedly love this drama and it's going to have to mess up its last 2 episodes Last Twilight style to change that.

The relationship between the main couple? Adorable. The openly gay leader of the school delinquents? We stan. The oddball friendship group forming because they're all slightly crushing on the ML? Sign me up! The addition of a glitch in the game that's starting to mess everything up? Horrifying and I love it.

Prediction: A new favourite K-BL is born and it's all thanks to this mf

🩺😭 Doctor Slump - Currently Watching

I'm watching this because it's on my Plan To Watch list and Netflix started playing the trailer after I'd finished watching an episode of The Way of the Househusband.

I won't lie, this is definitely the drama, out of all the dramas I'm currently watching, that I'm least certain I'll finish but, at the same time, I was pleasantly surprised by the first two episodes. Yes, it does do that typical comedy k-drama thing of mixing ridiculous over the top laughs with some incredibly difficult topics (because who doesn't want to be laughing hysterically one minute and then doing some deep self-reflection the next?) but so far the balance and the boundaries between the two moods has been relatively well struck and only time will tell if it manages to stay that way.

I appreciate tackling the topic of burn out and depression in a country that still champions overwork and mental fortitude above all else and I'm interested to see where it goes with that part of its arc. The "being framed for murder" I am a little less certain about, but it has definitely added a layer of intrigue to a story that would otherwise be relatively mundane and by the books.

As I said, time will tell if I continue to enjoy Doctor Slump but I'd say my only quibble with the drama so far is that I'm not sure "accused of (and potentially framed for) murder" and "suffering from depression due to burn out and work place abuse" quite fit what is normally meant by the word slump.

Prediction: Maybe I won't drop this half way through like I thought I would.

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🎥 BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita - Completed

My first Japanese BL ever and it was a good one. Yes, it was 3 episodes long, but it used its runtime perfectly. All of the main characters felt properly fleshed out (and the side characters were caricature enough that you only really needed one scene to know who they were and what they stood for), the pacing was great (it couldn't afford to drag but it didn't speed through scenes either), and it found the right balance between BL shenanigans and forrays into deeper messages. This was exactly what I needed at the time and, for someone who doesn't normally like mini-dramas that much, I enjoyed myself immensely.

Verdict: 8/10, I also want a life-size cardboard cutout of Aoyanagi to cuddle and hide behind when I open the door.

✒️💕 Cherry Magic, Japan - Completed

I'm planning to buy the manga.

I plan to watch the film next month (I never watch films).

I may have even checked out the fanfic scene in a bout of withdrawal.

Anyway, what I mean to say is that I get the hype, I really really do. This drama is fantastic.

Cherry Magic is one of those classics that you watch as a newbie and go "oh yeah I get why everyone is obsessed with this". The premise is novel and well executed, the characters are oh so easy to love, the main romance is so incredibly shippable, and the friendships are just as endearing.

I personally love the role Adachi's mind reading plays in shaping his relationship with Kurosawa and how the way it's handled means the audience feels what Adachi is feeling right alongside him. How can you not be charmed by the inner monologue of someone so sweetly and respectfully head over heels for you? But at the same time just because you're charmed, does that mean you like them back or is it just because you can see them at their most vulnerable? And what about once you're in the relationship? Do you give up the thing you know made it possible? Or do you pull back so you can't mess up once the crutch you rely on is gone?

There was so much quiet nuance to Adachi's and Kurosawa's relationship to each other and those around them and, when I one day sit down for a rewatch, I'm looking forward to unpicking them all.

Verdict: 8.5/10, Adachi and Kurosawa are going to be one of those couples that's impossible to leave behind. This is going to stick with me for a while, and once it's unstuck I'll just watch it again.

📸🌦️ Welcome to Samdal-Ri - Completed

I know some people thought the premise of Welcome to Sandal-Ri was unrealistic but, personally, I found it hard not to draw parallels between what happened to Cho Sam Dal in the drama and what happened to Kim Seon Ho in real life. Yes, the situations may differ somewhat (Sam Dal faces false accusations of work-place bullying by an employee while Seon Ho was accused of coercing his girlfriend into getting an abortion) but there were enough similarities (the media frenzy and the sheer intensity of the backlash, the scandals happening just as their careers peaked, the gradual revelation of what actually transpired) that I would be very surprised if there was no link at all.

For that alone, Welcome To Samdal-Ri had my attention from the get go. If this story were from a Western perspective, I would certainly have been much more wary of a story tackling false accusations (looking at you Euphoria) but from a Korean perspective, where celebrity culture is far more intense and volatile and in which false accusations have happened before and cancel culture can indeed end a career for even minor infractions (like dating), I wanted to see how it would be handled.

Ultimately I was satisfied, not wowed, not disappointed, satisfied. The show didn't dig that deep into the subject (personally I would have appreciated Sam Dal's case juxtaposed against another case in which the accusations turned out to be true) but it handled it deftly enough and felt "case-by-case" enough that I didn't feel as though it inadvertently gave off the message of "not believe anyone bringing accusations against celebrities".

Other than my own personal interest in the premise, Welcome to Sandal-Ri did a good job of holding my interest. In terms of overall vibe, it felt like a mix between (perhaps unsurprisingly) Hometown Cha Cha Cha (the idyllic small-town community filled with friends and loveable elders) and Our Beloved Summer (childhood lovers unfairly broken up but still pining for each other after years apart). The pacing was good, the characters loveable (I am now in love with Cho Hae In), and each episode felt like sinking into a warm bath for an hour.

Verdict: 8/10, it tackled an interesting topic while providing its audience with plenty of comfort and heart. It could have done without the love triangle though, just saying.

📃👩‍❤️‍👩 Out of Breath - Completed

I don't have too much to say about Out of Breath given it was 3 episodes long and less than an hour run time in total but I'm glad I watched it. Firstly, because it was nice to watch a (rare) Korean GL and secondly, because it managed to fit a lot into its short run time. Two break ups, a love triangle/unrequited love, cute dates, commentary on living queer in Korea, commentary on being out in Korea.... This show really had it all.

It was short, it was sweet, and it had a lot to say. I can't say I'd watch it again in a hurry, but I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a realistic portrayal of queer (and specifically) lesbian life in Korea.

Verdict: 7.5/10, it unpacked a lot in a short amount of time, the couple was extra cute too.

🫂💕 Cherry Magic Thailand - On Hold

I realised very early on into watching Cherry Magic Thailand that I'd probably get a lot more out of it if I watched the original first. I'm not normally someone who says watching the OG is necessary to watch the adaptation (in fact I normally rebel against that idea with a whole lot of passion) but in this case it became very clear that without watching Cherry Magic Japan first, I was missing important reference points and comparisons that were pretty key to understanding and appreciating that plot fully.

Anyway, I've now watched and loved Cherry Magic Japan so Cherry Magic Thailand is back on the menu, I just want to give myself enough time away that when I go back to it, it's with completely new eyes (and I'm excited for when that moment comes).

Verdict: On Hold until I can give it a proper fresh start.

🩺🍲 Cooking Crush - On Hold

I watched this at completely the wrong time. I struggle with rom-com dramas at the best of times but by now I should know that I absolutely should not try to watch one when I am going through a period of high stress.

I am not kind to rom-coms when I am stressed, even the ones I might otherwise enjoyed.

As it is, I initially dropped Cooking Crush because I was struggling to stay focussed enough to finish an episode and the characters were grating on me. Looking back, part of me thinks that my lack of focus and general irritability may have had less to do with the drama itself and much more to do with the fact I could barely focus on anything during that time period and that I had barely any spoons left to give people in my actual life, let alone fictional ones.

So...

Anyway, Cooking Crush has continued to come across my dash in gif, meme, and analysis form and I've realised that I actually really like what I'm seeing, enough so that I've moved it out of the "dropped" pile and into my "on hold" list so as to give it a second shot in the not so distant future (something that doesn't normally happen).

I genuinely think I might like this drama, I just need to make sure I'm in the right mindset for it first to give it a fair shot 💪

Verdict: On Hold until my next holiday.

🐍🦅 The Sign - On Hold

On paper The Sign sounds like it's right up my street, after all what's not to love about star-crossed lovers doomed by the threads of fate and history to lose each other?

But that's the thing, "on paper". In real life The Sign is well, messy and a bit too cop-heavy for my liking. Sure there are some great moments, Billy and Babe's chemistry is on fire, and it may have one of the best and most artistic sex scenes ever to grace the BL screens of the world but sexy times does not a good show make and I've found myself torn about whether or not I should keep going or just give up at this point.

To help me decide I've taken the "on paper" part of The Sign very literally and bought the book to read. If I like the book (the translation is a bit choppy but I can overlook that if the story is good) then I'll finish the show, if I don't then into the land of the dropped it goes.

Verdict: On Hold until I've actually experienced it on paper.

🌄🖕 Last Twilight - Dropped (episode 10)

I won't lie, this is the second time (the first time being Only Friends) that I've ended up being grateful my busy schedule got in the way of my drama watching because wow this show really took a tumble at the last hurdle. There was so much Last Twilight could have done, so many societal boundaries it could have crossed and reshaped and re-imagined but instead it went with... well a literal "fix it fic" ending that fixed nothing but instead broke all it had built up beyond repair.

I'm not going to go into detail about how Last Twilight let nearly every single one of its principal characters down, about how Mhok was never allowed screen time to process his own emotional trauma, about how the show briefly touched upon and then completely glossed over the very different social and financial circumstances of the both couples and the effects this would have on their experience of the world, of how there was so much ableist messaging around both the treatment of Dad's character which was always lurking under the surface but which only really came to light alongside the ending..... All I'm going to say is that, up until episode 9, Last Twilight had a choice about what messages it wanted it's audiences to come away with at the end, and it picked the wrong fucking ones.

It could have been a challenge to the ableist and classist mainstream norm so often portrayed in the media, instead it perpetuated harmful and hurtful rhetoric and stereotypes against the very people it claimed to champion.

Maybe one day I'll watch it again, but only because I want to properly break down what went so wrong.

Recommended reads by people who expressed it better than me:

This Discussion under "Last Twilight, episode 12: final reflections" by @waitmyturtles

"Last Twilight: Ep 12" by @wen-kexing-apologist

"Last Twilight Episode 12" by @lurkingshan

This post by @simplemindedmockingjay

Verdict: Dropped for betraying it's audience and those it claimed to champion.

👨‍⚕️⏳ Triage - Dropped (episode 10)

This one hurts me.

This one well and truly hurts me.

Because, the thing is, I loved so much about this show. It does so much right and up until episode 10 I was preparing to rank it among my favourite BLs of all time; the plot was fast moving and carried you from episode to episode in a whirlwind of anticipation, the romance (although minor compared to most other BLs) was highly shippable, the characters had depth and flaws and strengths that made you root for them, and the time loop plot device was doing things that were genuinely new and innovative.

I was hooked.

And then everything I loved just disappeared.

I don't know what possessed the creators of this show to completely change the universe of the drama for the last 2 episodes, maybe they thought the old one was getting stale (it wasn't).

All I can say is I absolutely hated the new turn of events.

Familiar characters with entirely new personalities and character arcs who I was apparently expected to root for (I don't know who they are anymore), time travel rules thrown out of the window because the plot demanded it be so (I'm sorry but the notebook time travels now? And a kiss will bring back memories?), the entire premise of the show just dropped and never even properly answered (why did Tin need to save Tol????? What about his heart murmur????)....

No.

Just no.

I'm out.

Verdict: Dropped for becoming a completely different drama in the last 2 episodes

⭐ The Awards

I fell in love with a lot of people and things this month so let's talk about them

☺️ Smile That Could Launch A Thousand Ships

Yuuichi Kurosawa (and his actor Keita Machida) is, quite frankly, a ridiculously gorgeous man in the most normal of circumstances but his smile takes it to a whole new level.

Truly a sight that could light up a room (and the whole building the room was in), this smile is filled with such genuine happiness and love that it's hard not to smile right back just as brightly, whether you be a hapless audience member beaming at your computer screen or a flustered Adachi trying desperately to hold on to your heart.

What I also love about this smile is that it only comes out when Kurosawa is properly, over the moon happy. He's got other smiles for other occasions and they're all very pretty but this one? This one sits above them all and makes them pale in comparison.

🩷 Biggest Crush

I have a type and that type is Cho Mina (and quite possibly Kang Mi Na, I clearly need to work through her filmography for... science). But seriously, this woman is STUNNING and is made all the more so by her dedication to her daughter and her refusal to let society pressure her into being ashamed of being a young single mum. She's strong, she's kind, she's independent, she's beautiful both inside and out. I don't care if she got the least screen time out of all the sisters, she stole the whole show for me and I am smitten.

📃 Line That Hit Me Like A Freight Train

"I'm used to pretending to be normal"

"pretending to be normal"

I'm going to be forever grateful to Cherry Magic for giving me positive and thoughtful Ace rep in Fujisaki, for showing her happy and confident and unbothered by society's expectations that she should one day couple up and settle down, for giving voice to the Ace experience of "pretending to be normal" in simple line that holds so much meaning and so many layers.

I know it's not canon, but in my head Fujisaki does tell Adachi out loud one day, and she gets her response of "is that so".

🛌 Plot Device That Made Me Sit Up and Go "Yes"

I may have ended up dropping Triage but credit where credit is due, it did do a lot of things right and one of those things was its ideas around time loops/ time travel. The idea that where you fall asleep at the end of the time loop directly affects how far back you travel back in time for the start of the loop?

Genius.

Why haven't I seen this done before??? It's such a clever way to provide the loop-character with the agency they need to actually make changes without breaking the established rules of the time loop and it allows for each iteration of the loop to be significantly different depending on how early or how late the changes to the timeline are made.

It literally solves almost all of my usual issues with time loop narratives.

It was genuinely intriguing watching Tin try to work out where he needed to fall asleep in order to go back as far as he needed and it was such a shame that, as the show neared its end, that aspect of the time loop experience just sort of fell away.

I want more time loop ideas like this and I want them now.

🌄 Scene That Took My Breath Away

Last Twilight may have ended by taking this scene and its significance and flushing it down the toilet but you know what, the author is dead and I killed him. I'm taking this scene back.

Day wanting his last experience with his quickly disappearing sight to be a homage to the book that helped him come to terms with his disability and see the world anew, his description of the sunset he could see in his mind's eye that is far more brilliant and beautiful than reality could ever dream to be, his clear moment of realisation that yes, he could live without his sight and not only could he live without it, he could well and truly thrive, the last thing he sees being Mhok's face as the ultimate declaration of love....

The last twilight in episode 9 could have been a truly special moment and, taken in isolation, it still is. It's just such a shame that such a beautiful depiction of growth and healing and self-love and self-acceptance was ultimately papered over with an ending that didn't fit it at all, one that erased the positive and affirming messages this scene held.

[marilynmon]

Zen (Obey Me/Fem!Buddha!Reader)

So, this fanfic is a rewriting of mine and I'm migrating it from wattpad because mf is LAGGING SO MUCH.

(This is the prologue btw)

There's explicit nudity but not in a sexual way.

Also, it may contain blasphemy/sacrilege, racism(?), hypocrisy, typical homosexuality(if you know greek mythology then y'know what I'm talking about), periodical misogyny mentioned, probably OOC. (Use of Y/n, if you don't like it, I'm sorry, I won't change it.)

Takes place before the Record of Ragnarok Events.

2,566 words.

"Early 200 before Christ."

IN A BUDDHIST TEMPLE, the goddess rested nearby the entrance, eating a bunch of apples as the soft breeze made her tied up hair fly like soft waves hitting the shores, the early years when she became a goddess. The ambient was calm, silent, just the way she liked.

She likes admiring the landscapes, it gives good memories of her royal times.

The times where she was only a human.

The comfortable silence soon was interrupted by stomps on the grass towards the temple, Y/n looked up and saw Shiva, her pantheon mate.

─ Zeus has been complaining a lot about you not showing up for the meetings.

─ That old hag is always throwing meetings about small things. ─She took another bite of the apple.

─ And the meetings it's always about the humans, since you used to be one, shouldn't you been at least concerned with your race? ─Shiva talked back.

─ Of course I'm concerned about them, but I believe that they can resolve their problems without the gods interference, they just need someone else to guide them, just like I used to.

─ Nonsense! If we don't intervene they end up killing each other, humans are savages.

─ And may I remind you who created them? ─She didn't mind the glare that the god of destruction sent at her, just kept eating.

─ Don't act all confident, Buddha! The first humans went for their own demise, your races only have yourself to blame. ─He scolded and Y/n only rolled her eyes.

─ If the gods created that forbidden fruit, YOU only have yourselves to blame. ─Shiva grunted in anger, when his wives came to intervene before the two deities could get physical.

─ Shiva, forget it, she is probably feeling bitter because of what the others been saying about the humans. ─Kali said while Durga and Parvati hold onto his arms.

─ Oh yeah, my manners...No matter how many centuries passes, you'll always have a human soul, never fully a God. ─She got up from her seat, dusting off her monk robes with the now empty bowl and walked in to the temple, she felt her patience reaching the brim, she needed to meditate.

─ Tch! You rude brat, I don't even know how the universe allowed you to become a goddess.

Y/n stopped midway her track and gave Shiva her middle finger before disappearing from his sight. The purple skinned god growled in anger and walked away with his wives.

Once on her altar, she lit up an incense and took a deep breath, of course the other gods didn't take her serious, she barely completed 2 centuries as a deity, she was practically a baby compared the other gods and goddesses.

Not that she minded the fact that they don't consider her a goddess, she would rather suffer the worst of the karma than being considered like them.

"If only his wives didn't show up..." Y/n thought as she sat on the floor and crossed her legs in a lotus position, taking a deep breath and starting reciting her mantra, "just calm down..."

❛️️️️❛ y/n's pov ;;❜❜

"Some years later."

I pass by the corridors of the Valhalla, eating some breads, the gods were having an emergency meeting, but I didn't exactly bother to show up.

At this point Zeus has given up from scolding me to take my own responsibilities as a deity and decided to leave me alone, at least he has done one thing right.

While I wandered around to learn more of the surroundings I found a room where the valkyries were working to help the human souls that have deceased and came to Valhalla.

I looked at them with respect, they were guiding the humans, I've heard about their job and importance to this realm.

─ They truly have a hard job, right? ─I looked at the owner of the voice and saw a huge man with ginger hair and a muscular body.

I just nodded and returned my gaze at the women, my gaze focused on the dark blue-haired valkyrie.

─ Who are you again?

─ Oh I-, my name's Heracles, I am a demigod. ─I could tell from his body language that my question got him off guard.─ And you must be Buddha, you've been popular among the gods on these last centuries.

─ Ah Heracles...so you're one of the sons of Zeus. ─I smiled to myself and took a bite of my bread to finish it off.─ You're right, I'm Buddha or you can just call me Y/n.

─ Right, Y/n. So, are you enjoying your life as a Goddess so far? ─He asked, he seemed to be more empathetic than the other deities, maybe because he is a demigod.

─ To be fair, the others haven't been exactly showing hospitality towards me, especially your father. ─I answered him and started walking away.

─ I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm sure they will soften up to you...Eventually. ─I heard his steps behind me, great, he's sure that he will be able to get closer to me.

─ I appreciate your attempt of making me feel included, but I know that they won't, especially that grumpy fish of your uncle. ─He made a gasp noise and my smile widened.

─ Don't say such things too loud. If he heard you right now you would be so dead... ─Heracles whispered with worry on his face.

─ Would I though? ─I said in a amused tone.

─ Hah...You don't take things too seriously, do you? ─The ginger only smiled softly at my "lack" of common sense.

─ Not at all...You seem pretty okay for a god, Heracles. I mean, at least you are gentle when speaking to me. ─I praised and he rubbed the back of his neck.

─ Thanks Y/n, I'm just treating you the way you deserve it. ─I looked at him in surprise, honestly, it's been a really long time since someone has treated me as an equal.

─ Heh, aren't you a sweetheart, Heracles. ─I saw his cheeks heat up slightly, cute, I believe that there may be other good gods like him, rarely, but still.

─ Oh please, I'm barely doing the minimum. ─He said awkwardly.

─ Well considering how the others have been treating me so far, your minimum has already lifted my spirits. ─I patted his arm playfully.

─ I'm happy to hear that...you know, you don't need to stay around the other gods if you don't want to, you can stay with the nymphs as well, I assure you they will treat you better. ─His suggestion made my eyes lit up.

─ Nymphs? What are they? ─I asked with interest.

─ Follow me, I'll show you. ─He started walking to guide me to them and I just followed besides him.

┊ 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌, 𝗐𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗅𝖽. ೄྀ࿐

I kept following him until we reached a lake, the water was crystal clear and was surrounded by sheer nature, a beautiful sight to the eyes, soon I realized there were women around and inside the lake, they soon noticed our arrival and went to greet us.

─ Heracles! It's been so long since you visited us, and who's this one you brought here? ─The nymph looked at me with curiosity.

─ I believe that she's that one "new" deity from the hindu pantheon, sister. ─The other nymph replied.

─ Oh my goodness, she's beautiful!

─ Are you a god or demigod?

─ Can I touch your hair?

─ You are so tall!

The nymphs began flooding me with questions and praises, I chuckled a bit to disguise my sudden surprise at their appearance. They were naked. Beautiful and naked.

─ Relax ladies, don't overwhelm her. ─Heracles laughed nonchalantly.

─ I'm not overwhelmed, just got a bit off guard...since...you know? ─I gestured at their lack of attires, since I wasn't used to see other women naked.

─ Oh sorry for not warning you first. ─He apologized and the nymphs paid no attention to my remark and kept surrounding me with curious gazes and questions.

─ It's fine...this is fine. ─I talked back and just let them touch my hair, sighing in defeat.

─ If it's fine then I will let you ladies have your moment. ─Heracles waved at them before walking away.

For all deities sake, how was he able to act so normally around them? Those women are naked! I mean, he wasn't wearing a modest robe like me, he was barely wearing proper clothes, the realization made my cheeks heat up slightly. I feel so self-conscious for them right now.

─ Tell us more about yourself, Buddha. ─She said as her sisters undid my braids.

─ And answer our questions, please. ─The other nymph mentioned and brushed her fingers against my hair.

─ I became a Goddess, but before I died, I used to be a human and I guided other humans when they most needed. ─I answered them and I heard gasps of surprise.

─ So the rumors were right! Do you still have your human soul? ─I nodded at her question.

─ But the other gods didn't seem so happy about it... ─One of the quietest nymphs replied, her voice barely audible.

─ I don't care of what they think about me. ─Their eyes widened at my confidence.─ After all, I recognize who I am now and who I used to be, and that's the only thing that matters.

A brunette nymph approached me with a lotus flower in hands, I smiled at her as she handed me the delicate flower, I placed it over my head.

─ I think Socrates and you would be good friends. ─She said and I raised a brow.

─ Socrates?

─ He's not a deity, but him along with Confucius are considered to be sages of great importance for humanity. ─The nymphs finished playing with my hair and giving it a new style.

─ Yeah! They got in here because they used to guide humans with their wisdom. ─This perked my interest, important humans that guided the ones who needed it...

─ Socrates and Confucius...I think I would like to meet them someday.

─ But not today, why don't you spend more time with us? Swim a little with me and my sisters, I bet you'll feel refreshed after a good bath. ─A blonde nymph suggested and I tensed up.

─ Oh no no, I don't want to bother-

─ Nonsense! Come on, just swim a little, just some minutes and you can go back to your place. ─I sighed at their persistence and decided to agree, starting to take off my robes so it doesn't get wet.

Now, I felt really self-conscious about my body, I know that they probably are used to it, but I'm not. I haven't even showed my body to my ex soon-to-be husband or any maiden in my old castle. Once I was completely naked, my first instincts was to cross my arms to cover my chest.

─ It's okay dear Buddha, you don't need to cover your body. ─She tried to soothe me.

─ She's right, you're beautiful, no need to feel ashamed. ─Her sister joined in, I slowly regained my usual confidence and loosen up, uncovering my breasts.

They stayed by my side until I gained courage to join them in the lake.

The water was cold, but not an unbearable cold, it felt refreshing.

I started to feel less tense around them, it was a great change at the repetitive routine as a Goddess. It felt so good to be accepted as the new me.

─ This feels...amazing. ─I whispered with a soft smile.

─ See, we told you that you would feel refreshed. ─The blonde nymph looked up at me with a satisfied grin.

─ Relax and enjoy the waters, darling. ─Their voices just soothed me further.

The lake wasn't that deep, considering that I'm the tallest here, the water splashed against my chest and elbows while the nymphs were full-body beneath it. I guess I could enjoy their company instead of the gods.

❛️️️️❛ end of y/n's pov ;;❜❜

"Year 33 after Christ."

The nymphs suggestion haven't slipped even the slightest off her mind, after her almost daily bath along with the nymphs she rushed towards the valkyries to ask about Confucius and Socrates, but Valhalla is so big and it's so hard to tell where a soul is, so during the first week Y/n wasn't able to talk with them.

And when she finally got to meet them, she was more confident and unconcerned near the fellow humans while they were taken a back at finally meeting the goddess, they have heard about her but it was unbelievable that a human woman managed to reach such status. As the time went, they developed a friendship among them, Confucius and Socrates grew more found of the "young" goddess. They were now known as the 3 Sages.

Even if the other deities didn't approve their friendship, the trio couldn't care less, Y/n didn't need their approval or decision of who she needs to stay around, she is a free deity after all.

And this particular day, the trio was hanging out as usual, they were sitting under a tree and drinking tea.

─ Can you believe he had the guts to order me around!? ─Y/n spat with a loud amused chuckle.

─ Oh dear, I wish I could see his face when you defied him! ─Socrates laughed and sipped on his tea.

─ You are an icon, Y/n, these gods are so no funny. ─Confucius replied.

Approaching them, a valkyrie and a human soul walked towards them, with the demigoddess guiding him. The trio stopped their gossip and looked up at the two approaching, the man besides the valkyrie had a shoulder-length hair, a beard, a crown of thorns on his head and was wearing white robes.

─ Sages...I believe that there's another one that you may wish to meet. ─The valkyrie gestured to the man beside her.─ He has guided humans and showed importance to mankind...3 sages, I'd like to introduce you, Jesus.

He waved at them, a warm smile on his face, a friendly and welcoming aura surrounding him. The trio greeted him and the valkyrie bowed before walking away, leaving Jesus to get along with them.

─ I've heard a bit about your journey on Earth man, nice to meet you, I'm Y/n and those two are Confucius and Socrates. ─The two men waved at him.─ The others usually call me Buddha but you can call me Y/n.

─ Nice to meet you too, I hope we can get along. ─Jesus replied.

❛️️️️ origins. ❜

[the-stove-is-divorced]

So it just came to my attention that as an author with amazing writing and depth and quality, obviously you would know fanfics with amazing quality too

Like how a professional artist follow artist who makes professional art or sm like that

So like, what I'm trying to get at is, do you have any fic recommendations? Your favorite ones maybe?

Also Spider-Man ones and MHA one's please. I need something to get these fandoms out of my systems (I'm halfway through the Ben ten ones you recommend and oh my god your taste is perfect)

I do love hoarding fics I adore, so thank you! That's incredibly flattering ⸜( ´ ꒳ ` )⸝ And oh yeah, I have, like, 2k bookmarks, haha! Occasionally I delete some, admittedly, but ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE! ( ` ∇ ´ )ゝI will preface and say I don't know what you like to curate this list better, since I read a lot of fanfic, I've got a lot of choices to pick from.

Alright, for spidey fics, I dunno what iterations of Spider-Man you like? And what character interactions you go for? So here's a random assortment! -> -> -> college student!Peter is a long suffering intern of the Avengers (comedy, mcu) + peter just trying to graduate (mcu) + yummy psychological horror of peter w/ venom symbiote + spideypool exploration of spidery behavior + spideypool where peter fights for his fucking life to keep his identity hidden but ppl think spidey's harry osborn + poetic spideypool (love the writing style) + combo of mcu and comics where peter is trying his best to graduate, grieve, and more (series) + spideytorch chronicles peter trying to prove he can settle down for a kid on the way + just spideypool silliness

That was harder than I thought, but should be a good range, bonus crossovers tho, peter and felicia suffering as STEM students in Gotham + peter being spidery in gotham + post NWH gone wrong! peter suffers and Orochimaru barges into his life

MHA I will just admit straight up Izuku is my favorite character, so they're all gonna be focused on him! Also man this was a trip down memory lane, haha! -> -> -> incredible comedy horror about an exorcist Izuku + psychological drama about izuku's inability to die + fav au of quirkless izuku in HSC + all of izuku's bitter feelings manifest when a quirk changes his personality + epic ongoing story of izuku being half demon, WC: 500k + izuku can see spirits, is incapable of helping people, and suffers + comedy about izuku making friends with villains instead of going to UA + izuku time travels and concerns literally everyone around him (comedy) + HC's plan to study Izuku fails because this mf is haunted + izuku is blind + katsuki is haunted by a dead(?) izuku + literally one of the best DFO fics to me (comedy) + OFA users memories get muddled with Izuku's + quirkless journalist izuku discovers the truth

This quickly made me realize how much I adored Bnha. But that should be enough for ye!

If we're talking any fandom kind of favorites, hard to say?? Kinda like when I get asked a fav movie, a lot disappears from my mind, but here's some random ones: -> -> -> jeremiah keeps appearing in bruce's dreams nightmares and it's getting harder not to listen (gotham tv show) + will graham is catnip to every serial killer on the planet for 200k + literally anything by this author + time travel fic of the century (haikyuu) + khaji da discovers the beauty of consciousness and identity

Did not think this would take me this long, but this should be more than enough! (o^ ^o) Glad ya enjoying the ones I recommended before!

[beevean]

Do any of the Curse of Darkness adaptations say that Dracula deliberately pitted Hector against Isaac?

It just occurred to me that it would make sense for Dracula to do that (after all, one Devil Forgemaster is easier to deal with than two working in tandem, should one of them turn against him). But I haven’t read any of the CoD adaptations, so I don’t know if any of them used that idea. It would be chilling if any of them explored that.

Actually no!

Personally I'm not too sure that deliberately pitting them against each other would be more convenient to Dracula than having them be coordinated: imagine conducting a war, and having to rely on two bickering teenagers :P But in canon it's a moot point, because it's implied that Dracula simply praised Hector as the more talented one.

PtR gives us this:

"Good for you that you can judge our Lord’s deeds… It’s not bad for my position. But I will not tolerate any disservice and betrayal towards Him."

"Take a look at this pathetic sight, my Lord, my broken sword used as a cane. My body is the proof of your expectations for him. Please ridicule me, scold me: next time, I will do whatever it takes."

(for context, Hector defeated Isaac by slashing his legs, and he didn't even have the courtesy of finishing him off, forcing him to deal with the consequences)

The second line pretty much sums up how Dracula saw his two Devil Forgemasters. Isaac knows, or at the very least believes, that Dracula would have expected Hector to win because he's the stronger one, and the proof is in how he utterly humiliated Isaac.

Speaking of Dracula:

“What did he wish from me, that he even rebelled…? Unforgiveness is my nature. The more precious things are, the more they resist and are lost…”

Another translation of that line is "So is one dear, so is one wrested away".

Dracula considers Hector precious. My first interpretation is that he's also thinking about Alucard, who opposed his father roughly at the same time... But make of this what you will.

The MF manga focuses a lot more on Isaac's insecurity of not being as good as Hector, but again, we don't really see much of how the two were treated.

Something to note is that while it was Isaac who warned Dracula that Trevor Belmont was becoming a concern...

... Dracula sent Hector instead, and left Isaac in the castle.

The implication is that Dracula trusted Hector, and only Hector, with the troublesome task of killing the Belmont.

Obviously Drac wants his best Devil Forgemaster back, and so he orders Isaac and his underlings to find out what happened to him - indirectly dooming himself in the process, because without Hector and Isaac protecting him, Trevor and his friends easily steamrolled through the castle. Neither Isaac and his underlings are happy with this, but while the former's protests got immediately shut down by Dracula, the latter are free to talk among themeselves.

It's nice that these guys think Isaac alone could do the job, but I don't know what they were expecting, shittalking Dracula and touching Isaac's sorest spot within earshot :P

This scene becomes outright hilarious in Japanese, because that "the Count favored Lord Hector that much" line is slightly different:

In context it does mean the same thing, but the verb used is 可愛がる, which...

Again. Make of this what you will.

(in case you're wondering, there are other verbs that express the concept of unfairly favoring someone, that don't imply... this.)

And just to cap it all off:

And there it is. There is no canon indication that Dracula played games with his Devil Forgemasters. He just liked Hector more than Isaac.

Interestingly, Isaac is not the first rival in CV who suffers from jealousy issues (Hugh Baldwin and Maxim Kishin come to mind, mostly the former), but in his case, the topic barely comes up, and it's never mentioned in the game proper - in fact, the opposite sentiment is said.

I'm okay with this, because he has already a lot on his plate, and he doesn't need to hate Hector out of jealousy: the betrayal is good reason enough. But it's implied that these negative feelings made him easy prey to the Curse.