#If I don't do it within the next week or so someone else can btw. just shoot me a message so i can go promote :3

[aleksa-sims]

Simselfstory

CW: Pregnancy, addiction

The one hour he gave me was over, but the doors were still open. Should I stay-… or should I go?

I tried to call N., he didn't answer.... Shit, N.! Don't you care about me???... But why do I even wonder? I knew why he ignored me. We agreed on this! And well, that's N.! That's how he is. No matter what happens, he never deviates from the course. So even if I call him 100 times, he won’t pick up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😩

Before I go back to the current events, I quickly explain what Nico and I have discussed.

N. knew, as long as I haven’t cleared everything up with Daniel, D. would haunt my mind forever. So he wanted me to go to him and talk to him. And Nico and I weren’t together at the time, so he told me to do what I want with Daniel! 7 days, he said. After that, he wants an answer from me! No sooner or later! After my time with D.'s over, he'll talk to me! I didn’t agree with the 7 days, I thought I could settle this matter with Daniel within 24 hours. But well, Daniel’s answers to my questions have changed everything. So decided to stay! 7 days!

As you can see above, I just did my laundry. I had no comfy underwear here in Daniel’s and my apartment. While I was busy filling our washer, I noticed Daniel’s pills on the counter next to his things. At the same time, it rang at our door, but I didn’t care...

Shit, that’s the good stuff! The pills I was hooked on in the past... I’d love to get high. Right now, more than ever....

What the fuck did I do!???????? 😨 I’m pregnant, damn it!! What's wrong with me?.... 🤮🤮 Agh, I was damn lucky. I didn’t swallow the pill, I just had it in my mouth and I spit it out. 

Meanwhile, I heard Daniel talking to someone on our doorstep.

Daniel: I’m not interested in this job. Sorry, you got me wrong. But be honest, is that really why you came by, to offer me a job? Or is this about Alex?

Girl: No, I’m here for you. Besides, I know Alex doesn’t live here and I don't care tbh. The other day we were here, he told me.

Daniel: It’s none of my business anyway. However, I don’t need any help or a job. You're wasting your time. I'm pretty busy rn so...

How could I have done that? How could I forget I was pregnant?...... I was still standing in our tiny......... toilet-room (?). The window was open. I could hear Daniel & that girl talking about a job. Does he know I’m eavesdropping on them? Is that why he’s in such a hurry to get rid of her?... Agh, I'm such a mess.🤦‍♀️ Why am I even thinking about that girl? I want to get a divorce!! I should rather think about what I just did!!! I’m not even 24 hours here and all I care & think about is that damn drug and............ Daniel. 😖 

Daniel (to me): You know what’s about to happen. Last chance! If you don’t go, you’ll be locked up here with me tonight.

Girl: Um, I better get going. See you. 😬

Me: I just wanted to go over, to the bathroom. Who-... was that? 😳

Daniel: Weren’t you going to the bathroom? 🤨

Me: What- 😶‍🌫️😳

Daniel: Coincidentally, I want to take a shower, now! 🤷‍♂️ But we can do it together, I don’t mind.

Daniel: Come closer..... It’s been a long time.

Me: You're playing me. 😳😔

Daniel: Why do you think so? You want me too, that's why you stayed. I mean, you literally lured me into the bathroom. And you look hot, you got me horny. 😏

Me: No, I wasn’t trying to seduce you. I only wear... this, bcs I have nothing else here.

Daniel: I don’t care! We’re married and I wanna fuck you, babe.

Me: Btw, when did you get the divorce papers? 🤨

Daniel: Um..... 5 weeks ago?

Me: Exactly!.... What were you waiting for, Daniel? Why didn’t you call me, once you got better? Admit it, you’ve been thinking about breaking up with me, too. Alex told you what I said to him. And that girl earlier... Idk who she is, but I have heard it all! She's been here once.

Daniel: Yes! I was thinking about signing your fucking divorce petition. I was mad at you! Anyway, go up and wait for me. There’s still a lot we need to clear up. But this here, we'll definitely keep up tonight.

Me: Well, let's see.

Previous/Next

[neoaya]

Hot take!!! (Nuclear tbh)

People are way too shitty to the LW devs, especially Yumeno Rote.

This guy is responsible for every single piece of non-story card character art in the game, that includes units, costumes, alts, expressions, Music Video CGs, etc. Seeing as a new unit is released per week, along with 2/4 event costumes and 2/3 rebirth costumes at the end of the month, this guy is at MINIMUM drawing 8 fully detailed illustrations and backgrounds per month, for three and a half years straight.

The only other gacha to my knowledge that has one artist doing all the character art like this is Limbus Company, which even then has a significantly longer period between new art being added to the game. (I'm aware there are likely a lot more, but most to my knowledge have multiple artists)

So when I see a post criticising Lost Word, what do you think is being criticised 90% of the time?

Is it:

The fact it's a gacha game

Genuine criticism of the game itself and its mechanics or story

Hell, even criticism of the questionable work practice of having one guy do all the game's art

If you guessed 4, "near insignificant nitpick of Rote's art, AUs shown, or a VA (in a game where you can pick from 3 for every character) because it doesn't fit within their headcanon in a game about multiple different universes" you'd be correct!

Don't get me wrong, I have seen the first two plenty of times, but they're always either fair critiques or people who just don't want anything to do with gacha games and don't care which is understandable.

But for 4? The sheer amount of hatred and seething vitriol people express for details most people wouldn't think twice about is insane to me. It never seems to come from a sincere place of disappointment but rather fear to fit in, like "Oh this relates to me, I better lay in to it as much as possible since everyone else shits on it, wouldn't want to give people the impression I'm weird for liking it after all". It just seems depressing to me that people feel the need to act miserable out of peer pressure and not wanting to stray from the popular opinion.

As someone's who played the game since launch at this point I feel more than qualified to tell you it's FAR from perfect, hell I wouldn't even call it all that good. Gameplay fluctuates from playing the game for you to forcing you to have a full understanding of the meta, grinding is a chore, drop rates are far too low, the nature of the game forcing normally evil aligned characters to act more reasonably, and I unironically think the lack of representation and downright bad writing for Aya until now is singlehandedly responsible for making her drop by one place 3 years in a row in the THVote popularity poll.

So why do I still play it after all this time? Because I genuinely just want to see what they do next. I like seeing what new takes on characters they come up with, I like seeing where the story goes, what the next event will be and I love Rote's art and all the other art contributed by the JP community, I even think the Hifuu and RoM section of the story is genuinely good. It's nice to have a constant and reliable stream of Touhou media to read through in-between the wait for actual new games.

Somehow I don't feel that guy in the middle would want to come on livestreams 3 and a half years after launch if he didn't find it fun, same goes for all the artists and doujin circles that have contributed their art and music, especially those with more than one card or song.

If you want anyone to blame, blame GoodSmile for publishing this game and making this the complete extent they're willing to promote it and Touhou as a whole. (Last new character from them was a Reisen nendo from six years ago btw!)

In conclusion, I think LW has objectively done more good for the series than harm. You can not understate the fact that this game is responsible for introducing Touhou to so many new people and giving the spotlight to characters that are otherwise overlooked. Inaccurate character portrayals are rarely an issue when the series embraces differentiating itself from the source material, that's the nature of doujin culture. That and it seems silly to try and gatekeep people who got into the series through Lost Word, telling them they're experincing it wrong only serves to turn them away and I don't blame newcomers when official touhou media is still hard to come across in the west and the three most popular games in the series still don't have a digital release.

As a tangent, I used to have a problem with how Aya was depicted in a lot of fan media, even from people here, but a friend taught me I shouldn't let those alternate interpretations ruin my enjoyment of her and that I shouldn't fault them for seeing her that way. I feel others should be able to learn from that.

(I definitely forgot some stuff but this is ranty enough as is, I just wanted to get it out of my system)

[bigbroadvice]

preface: dude i have never talked to someone, kissed anyone, hugged, held hands or literally anything romantic with another person. i have no idea how to date or talk to people i like. i barely even know how to talk to new people to just make new friends.

anyway, there's this boy i like at school and he doesn't know who i am (probably) and i have a huge crush on him. i doubt he would even like me back but i just want advice on how to approach this because for one,

we've never talked, and he probably thnks i'm weird. two,

i've never had a guy friend before and, again, i don't know how to talk to people (i'm really awkward and shy) and three,

i like him so BAD and i just want him to notice me maybe a little bit. i just wanna feel what it feels like to date.

maybe this is completely stupid because i need advice on how to get out there, pretty please!

(btw don't have any socials so i can't reach out to him like that)

*me perplexedly scrolling back through my memory to figure out how on earth I ended up dating people*

Aight, I really don’t think there is one perfect way to do this, so I’m just gonna give you some examples of what’s worked for me.

1: Smiling

I noticed someone around school I was interested in getting to know, so every time I saw them I smiled at them like I was happy to see them, cuz I was, then cuz I smiled they would smile back. Had never said a word to one another, did not have a single class together. But we passed eachother frequently enough that the smiling evolved into a sheepish little wave back and forth which became almost its own kind of inside joke to the point that when we finally found ourselves alone waiting in the same hallway for something, we laughed like we were already friends, sat down next to eachother, and he was like “my name’s _____, what’s yours?” Next time I saw him I offered to show him around the art building. We were friends after that and he asked me out in about a month.

2: Asking for Help

I had recently gotten an undercut and I noticed somebody else in one of my classes had the same haircut. So I went up to them and was like “hey, wanna cut each other’s hair” and she was like “… sure?” So then we met up to cut eachother’s hair and just talked and goofed around and had a good time while doing it. It was a somewhat regular thing that needed to be done so it gave us a good excuse to hang out and get to know eachother. Her partner ended up hanging out with us and within a matter of months we settled into some form of queerplatonic polyamory.

This is a rather hyperspecific example, but I think the key thing is that I identified something we could help eachother with and work together on which is a really good way to form connections.

3: Yo! You Like Ninja Turtles?

First day of class I noticed someone I thought looked pretty cool so I sat next to them. They saw my ninja turtles cup and were like, “Yo, you’ve seen that movie?” And we just had a great time geeking out and seeing what fandoms we had in common. After that we chatted and doodled together before that class every week and they eventually invited me to come hang out with them and their friends and I invited them to come hang out with mine. This thanksgiving I asked if they wanted to come along with me for thanksgiving for some moral support (my family situation isn’t great) and as a way to avoid their family (their family situation also sucks). We ended up having a great time (us against the world is lo-key one of the best dynamics of all time) and got together the day after thanksgiving.

Baisically, look for common interests you might be able to talk about and then invite them to do stuff together. (This is easier to play off more casually if you’ve got a friend group you can invite them to hang out with, but it still works even if you don’t have one of those. Working on a school project, helping eachother study, or getting together for a movie/tv show are all good first hangouts for groups or one on one.)

I hope something in this is helpful! Feel free to ask more questions. Anybody else got any good dating advice?

[transhawks]

For the sake of helping me understand, what exactly are you expecting to get out of Hawks supposedly having a break down or apologizing? It would add absolutely nothing to his character, bestie believe it or not, Hawks having a break down in the middle of a war in front of All For One is such a bad narrative drive that I don’t even know how Hori would accomplish it and stay true to his character. So 🤷‍♀️ I mean sure, go ahead believe what you want to believe, but Hawks apologizing would not work for the narrative

Bro.

Bro.

All For One is about to hitchhike on a Black Bird or Gale Force Taxi. His Uber has arrived. Bye!!! He has an appointment with Tomura's body to get to, even if trying to kill blonde twinks is a hobby.

So yeah uhh where does that leave Keigo?

Idk with two landmines - his narrative foiling with Dabi and the whole Endeavor thing or he goes and deals with Toga and Twice, who are trying gto specifically kill him. Now uhh the narrative is not going to let Twice or Toga do that. Sorry but it's too late. Toga isn't going to kill anyone in this story l, she's going to be redeemed in the like next 30ish chapters. She is not killing Keigo.

Neither is Twice btw.

Now,

1. Better people than I have broken down how Hawks's fixation is harmful, and hints at something very dark. A breakdown could like mean Hawks poses a threat to Touya, prompting Enji to get off his ass and prove he loves his son already.

2. Stop thinking like a powerscaler and more like a person who realizes the overarching theme of this manga is to connect to others even if they don't think they deserve the chance. Keigo was written to fail with Jin. He was written to be the example of a hero not doing and saying the right thing and this his plot assigned villain is dead. Do you think there are not narrative consequences for that? We've been teaspoon fed for years signs of him cracking, additionally, do you genuinely think Toga can get her redemption if Keigo is justified by the plot in what he did to her friend? No.

The solution to this war is in what was not done in the very beginning - talking. It was not done. Keigo held Jin at knifepoint and told him to do as he said or else. Like I said, you can't tell someone you love them at knifepoint, which is why Toga failed with Izuku, and why Keigo failed to convince Jin he actually gave a fuck about him. Trust comes actual trust and that requires vulnerability on both sides.

Hawks's breakdown is him finally letting those walls down that stopped him from really connecting with Jin. It won't bring Jin back, but this is a hopeful shounen with a happy ending damn it, and there's no way to make this world a better place if people don't wish to change.

Listen... In a manga about giving people more chances, if we have Enji redeeming himself at the end of this and showing his son that he loves him, if we can have Deku reaching that little boy who was told he can only destroy, or Ochako telling the little girl who was made a monster for just wanting to love and be loved in turn, we can have Keigo Takami realizing that helping others doesn't mean you have to give up parts of yourself to do so.

Anyway, I'm just done with this topic when it will likely be resolved within the next six weeks.

[lesbiancharliedalton]

extremely confused by this person. so like i really do not expect anyone to be in constant communication with me and in fact i really do not like it at all if it's with someone i'm just seeing casually or someone i just started dating or whatever. like i don't want to talk to you all day long and frankly i don't want daily "good morning/good night" texts from ANYONE at any point tbh i don't think. like that's weird to me. BUT. .............. i went on one date with this person, it went pretty well and they said they had a great time so i asked them if they wanted to go out again. they said yes after the holidays. btw they send like one single text every few days at the very most. but they seemed excited? and finally like the day before NYE they were like oh hey i'll be free next week if you wanna see each other and i said yes that'd be great i'm free every night pretty much. i sent that on the 30th and that was all i heard until today they finally texted me again with a date and a location. and i replied within like 20-30 mins and then that was all i heard. like wtf is going on do you want to see me or not. i don't get it!! why is it one single text every 2-3 days! if you're trying to make plans that's extremely annoying cuz it's like. gonna take 10 days to make 1 single plan. idgi and i'm not seeing anyone else atm (trying to change that but haven't met anyone else i'm interested in) so all i can do rn is just be annoyed by it

[heightsofmadness]

Fifty years? Some of these are terrifyingly possible within 10 or 20.

But let's stick to 50. Rather than voting for just one, I'm going to rate them on a scale of 1-10 in terms of likelihood based on what I know. A 5 on this scale isn't a coin-flip btw, and a 10 isn't a 100% chance! It's more like, how many awful coincidences would need to line up for it to happen, with 1 being a whole lot and 10 being tragically few.

Nuke in major city: A lot of people are working very, very hard to keep this from happening, but Putin and Xi Jinping are both alive (and China in particular is playing the long game), so it's non-zero. Russia screwed itself with the invasion of Ukraine to the degree that I don't see them doing ANY other overt hostilities over the next few decades, and it's only going to get worse for them because they can't really back down, but I don't think they'd nuke over it. China on the other hand is eyeing Taiwan, and I worry a little about what they'd do if they don't get it. 3/10

Earthquake ruins a city: I'm not a geologist, I don't know earthquakes, I don't know how big an earthquake would have to be to render a city truly uninhabitable, but even with everyone waiting for "The Big One" on the west coast, I can't imagine a major city being hit so hard that literally no one can live there. 0/10

Climate Disaster in Equatorial Nation: Depends on your definition of climate disaster; if, like mine, it includes weather events like hurricanes and the aftermath thereof, then this is depressingly likely. Someone is inevitably going to get hit very, very hard. News outlets will cover it for a week or so, there will be scattered relief donations, and then the 1st world will forget about it until a few years later when people start blaming President Kushner or whatever for the price of bananas tripling. 8/10

World War 3: The fact is that the nature of global conflict, and society's attitude toward it, has changed. Everyone is aware of the horrors of war. Some people are more aware than others. Everyone wants it to be "someone else's problem." But more than that, the aggressors are starting to realize that instead of going to war, it's way, way easier to apply bottom-up pressure to foreign entities via ideological warfare. Remember when a bunch of Tumblr accounts got banned for being Russian state actors trying to influence US elections, and then they never came back because that was actually what they were? Unless something crazy happens, this is what global conflict mostly looks like now. 1/10

Fascist genocide of 7+ digits: Far-right extremists are getting more and more bold; I don't think this would be likely in a developed country, even with the US looking the way it does, but we're probably going to see a fascist dictatorship somewhere in the next 50 years. 1 million is a lot though, and requires a lot of organization, firepower, and ideological influence. Only two genocides have surpassed that since the Holocaust (Khmer Rouge and the Bangladesh Liberation War) and neither of the perpetrators were explicitly fascist. Fascist genocide in general? 9/10. Of 1 million+ deaths? Less likely. 4/10

Violent revolution in G20: 50 years is plenty of time for things to shift dramatically, and several G20 member countries are in the midst of pretty big ideological shifts. 6/10

AI/Automation economic crisis: AI/ML is a bubble that will pop within a year or two much like bitcoin did (except AI/ML has a very very small handful of legitimate uses that will stick around), and then middle-managers/corporate psychopaths will find a new grift to get rich off of. Automation in general allows for greater output than unassisted humans can accomplish; the problem isn't automation, it's the assholes keeping automation from benefiting the general public. 2/10

Pandemic 2: I don't know enough about this to judge in any direction. My gut says it's unlikely, but... eh. 3/10?

Food chain collapse: Corporate psychopaths ruin everything. Depressingly likely. I don't even think it would require a full collapse, just the perception of one, before fearmongering from news outlets push it over the brink. Remember the toilet paper shortages in early covid? 7/10

Major cities drown: Unlikely because there's too much that would need to not happen. Rising sea levels are a gradual change; unlike an earthquake or WMD, it's reactable on a scale that even bureaucracy can respond to. Major cities have a whole lot of voters and a whole lot of industry, and that means many, many people who are invested in holding the water back one way or another. 1/10

TL;DR: Overt generation-defining global conflict and total city loss seem very, very unlikely to me; tragedy born of apathy seems terrifyingly possible.

Content warning for speculation about hypothetical future scenarios of mass death and suffering

Been thinking about how repeating pattern in history seems to be that you can mark every era by its major international incidents, conflicts and disasters, singular in their impact but which nonetheless seem to happen at least once every few decades ago. I see no reason to suspect that this has for any reason stopped being true, and I am fascinated by speculating about what our future history might be, so as a slightly morbid thought exercise;

Which of these hypothetical international incidents/disasters would you believe most plausible or likely to occur in the next 50 years?

Disclaimer; these scenarios will share my western cultural perspective bias

(Reblog if you vote, as sad as it may be to contemplate future suffering I'm interested in where most people's reads are on this sort of thing)

[oh-my-damn]

BESTIE I'D ASK YOU ALL OF THEM QUESTIONS CAUSE I LOVE SNOOPING AROUND IN THAT BRILLIANT REDHEAD OF YOURS BUT THESE WILL DO FOR NOW 🥰 NO IDEA WHY IM SCREAMING BTW 😅

📃Ever written something inspired by someone elses fic?

😚A fic you like writing more than other fics? (Even tho i might already know the answer to this one lol)

👌🏻The fic that took the fastest to write?

🎨Show us a sneak peek from a WIP! (Plz cure my sorrow with some andy babe)

LUB YOU 💋💋💕💕

HI BESTIE

Reposted this just for you hehehehehehe

Okie lets do it !

📃Ever written something inspired by someone elses fic?

Yes, ofc I have ! I draw inspiration from many of the amazing works I read, but one particularly triggered my inspiration for Highways & Heatstrokes !

It's @onsunnyside Flamingo King ! It was back when she'd only posted the first part, and I remember reading that part and just being so HUNGRY for more. Right after reading it, I just so happened to watch Midnight in the Switchgrass with Megan Fox and there's a scene with a truck driver picking up a girl from the side of the road. And that legit triggered it. I couldn't have stopped myself from writing Trucker Ari even if I wanted to, but Sonny's description of the heat and warmth just really kicked my mind right to that dusty highway. If anyone is unfamiliar with Sonny's work I recommend to go read her entire masterlist right the fuck now bc she is phenomenal.

😚A fic you like writing more than other fics? (Even tho i might already know the answer to this one lol)

LMAO you probably do know this answer, bestie ! The Stranger is a big fave of mine. I don't think I'd be able to write that many chapters if I didn't thoroughly love it. I love the story, and Chramelia, they're my comfort couple. I also really enjoy writing Diplomatic Negotiations and enjoy(ed) writing Highways & Heatstrokes (that series finished way too quick for me !!)

👌🏻The fic that took the fastest to write?

I think that was my mini series for Mace ! Sunshine was one of my first works on here (actually, the drabble in that series is the very first piece of writing I wrote specifically for tumblr, and also what triggered the series). A strong contestant would also be my Curtis Everett mini series, Angel. Wrote that sucker within a weeks time, ish.

I also finished H&H pretty quick (too quick imo) but I do believe those other two were faster lmao.

OH and for one shots its definitely Guilty Pleasures !!! I wrote that bitch in ONE SITTING. Literally took an hour. I was astounded lmaoooo

🎨Show us a sneak peek from a WIP! (Plz cure my sorrow with some andy babe)

Of course honey!! Sneak peek from the next part of Sweet Heartache coming up!

"Is that my shirt?"

His voice is still a little groggy from sleep, but his wording feels stern, which concerns you. You glance down at the button up before you meet his piercing gaze again, "Oh, uh, yeah, I found it. I'm sorry, I can go change. I shouldn't have-"

"No," he interrupts, shaking his head, "No, don't go change."

Your brows raise as you tilt your head, looking at him curiously, "Okay, I won't.. Are you okay? You seem off."

"I'm good," Andy replies calmly, and then he finally moves from his former spot, taking just a few strides until he's right in front of you. Your eyes dart down to his bare chest, taking in his defined torso and the hair covering it, trailing down to his waist as he stands before you in only his boxers.

Your teeth dig into your bottom lip when you spot the large bulge, only covered by the thin fabric, and it makes you immediately dart your eyes back up to meet his.

"I like you in my shirt," he murmurs, his deep voice sending a shiver down your spine, "You look good."

You smile, "Thank you, I uhm.. I like wearing it."

"Good," he hums, large hands reaching out to grip your hips. You take a step closer when he guides you, looking up at him teasingly when he smirks.

Your hands slide up his chest to his shoulders, your smile teasing, "Something on your mind?"

"Yeah," he breathes out, his eyes seemingly turning darker as he watches you intensely, "Yeah, somethings on my mind."

Within a second, his lips are on yours, and you let out a surprised squeak when his hands quickly find your ass to hoist you up. You wrap your legs around his waist as you kiss him urgently, his fingers digging into your ass while he walks over to the dining table.

Thank you for asking me about my fics my sweet bestie!! <3 <3

[naturalbornkillass]

delayed post from 07/10/22 - A weird week: still depressed // might need to get the “hottest girl in rehab” sweatshirt. // modern feminism // why am i attracted to older men i dont even ducking have daddy issues

The last part happened today but i’ll include it into my evenfully unevenful week

i’ve been ridiculously depressed and irritable this week. i havent touched my prescripted medicine and i probably should. i’m in no way getting better.

During the 4th of july, i got into a hugeeee argument with my dad and i ended up staying home and playing roblox w my friends. it was kinda fun, then it all hit me. I’m at home during the 4th of july, doing absolutely nothing. I was bored and depressed. I HAD NOTHING TO DO!! So I ordered some food from grubhub and it made me feel better for a little bit. Then it hit me again. I'm getting fomo. How can i celebrate the 4th. of july? and listen I’m not the most patriotic citizen, and to be honest, i’m not big on independence day. although I am big on the celebrations itself, whether or not i really give a fuck about the reason of the celebration .

i decided to try lsd for the first time, and it was def the most sensational type of high i’ve ever experienced. especially bc it was laced with some other strong ass shit, which i didn't really know until i got tested positive for other stuff. I didn't rly mind tho, i had a good time regardless. My therapist was not happy ofc, so they actually told me that they may have to send me to a 30 day rehabilitation program if things don’t improve within the next week. It’s either that, or I have to stay at a psych ward for 7 days minimum, which isnt as bad, given that it’s so easy to trick them into thinking that you’re doing well within the span of a week. But either way, i’ll be stripped away from any sort of communication with all of you. unless i can memorize all of your number. not tryna do all that.

I'm against it, obviously. I’m functioning! I should be fine.

The reason why i’m not making such a big deal out of this is bc I’m not being too irresponsible with everything. Honestly i really do believe that they’re just trying to profit off of me. No one really knows what to do in those places. None of the staff members really know what they were getting themselves into. If you’re there for the money, why cant you at least try to put some effort on the shit tht you were supposed to do?

if i do end up in one in the future, best believe i’m pulling up in the corniest fit ever

but fr tho i actually have to start putting some effort because i’m not trying to go to some goddamn facility. I have many plans for this summer and living in a place w a bunch of druggiez isnt my thing. if all fails, i hope to be grouped with cool people.

i met someone on roblox, which i’ve spent a few hours with….at night. it was fun okay, and im not for edating, but this is entertaining for me. i wonder how many ppl he’s groomed online. better yet, i wonder how many people get groomed on roblox??? He’s 21 btw i forgot to mention, and yeah he does sound like it. Thats all i can say tho.

The thing is, you’ll never know if your the groomer or the groomee. Edating is so funny to me despite the times that i’ve attempted to do so. I got out of that phase towards the beginning(-ish?) of 9th grade. After that, I’ve just started fishing for some creepy pedos online and i tried to see if i can get money off of them. I found many, but they all wanted my fucking face to be in pictures/videos and they wanted to be able to hear my voice and such, like how desperate can you be? Theyre all really fucking pathetic and it just pissed me off seeing people live like that. Discord users are really something else……..

just dont edate. It's that easy.

One thing that I have noticed is that I kinda have a problem with older men. Why am I writing about this online rather than telling a professional about this? Idk but I just felt like it needs to be talked about. No, I don't have daddy issues, which proves that it's only a common stereotype. Women have such a great amount of power, simply just by existing. Next thing you know, you've hypnotized them into throwing their cash onto you.

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

A Leap of Faith (Fellowship x Reader)

This is the result of binging macha tea, Lilo and Stitch and Brooklyn 99 simultaneously. Another crackpost. Enjoy.

Pairings: Legolas x Reader—if you squint, and consider pulling on his pigtails as “romantic”, which I, personally, do. Some nice paternal! Aragorn x Reader energy going on in there too, for your comfort. 

“Cartography” is the study of maps, btw. 

Peering eyes and stolen glances, both riddled with skepticism and doubt—that was all to be found among Aragorn and Gandalf.

They each sat on a log, and warily observed the Fellowship as a whole. Both were situated within the dimmed forest by the glowing and flickering campfire.

Each of the eight fanatic Fellowship members before their eyes all naively gallivanted about in their usual bickering antics—nothing short of tomfoolery.

Merry and Pippin snickered loudly, as they each used their smoking pipe's spouts to press in a snoring Gimli's nostrils. He abruptly woke with a snort, and a Dwarvish shout of anger. 

As Merry and Pippin each ran away with boyish giggles—a stumbling and yelling Gimli hot on their tails—Sam and Frodo were sat against the thick trunk of a tree.

The raven-haired Hobbit wistfully sighed, and spoke of the Shire, whilst Sam adamantly comforted the sentimental Ring-bearer. 

Y/n and Legolas stood by the crackling fire, bickering, as usual. 

The girl held out a dirty worm towards the recoiling prince, who shouted at her to stay back. Thoughts of germs and his hygiene were on the forefront of his alarmed mind. 

As Y/n grinned and continued handing the wriggling, pink worm out towards a disgusted Legolas, Boromir bemusedly watched on.

"It's just a mere worm!" Y/n chuckled, eyes alight, and brows raised. 

"Stop touching me! Stay back!" Legolas squealed.

He promptly brought his closed fists in close to his chest, as he trained his wild eyes on the wriggling worm. 

"I'm not touching you!" Y/n childishly countered, moving the worm closer and closer towards the prince's chest. 

Fanatically gesturing both hands out at Y/n, Legolas pleadingly turned to a staring Boromir, and shouted in alarm.

"She's touching me! She's TOUCHING me!" 

"I'm not touching you!" Y/n laughed, waggling the worm back and forth. 

"AH! TOUCHING ME!" Legolas yelped in alarm, pointing one finger, held above the worm, down in gesture. 

"NOT touching!" Y/n corrected in a taunting tone.

"TOUCHING ME!" Legolas adamantly replied.

"It's free air!" Y/n countered, throwing the wriggling worm at a gasping Legolas' chest. 

The prince frantically swiped at his tunic with both hands, before he snapped his enraged eyes back to Y/n. He then took to chasing after her with a large stick—promptly leaving behind a guffawing Boromir.

Aragorn and Gandalf both winced their eyes, and curled their lips in disdain. 

These were the comrades they were tasked with to the save the world? They might've quit and let Sauron win right then and there, just to save the headaches alone. 

"It is as apparent as the hidden conditioner within Legolas' satchel," Gandalf began to muse, capturing Aragorn's idle attention, "that not all among us, though I'd much prefer to believe otherwise, can be trusted on this journey."

With a prolonged sigh past his nose, Aragorn lowered the spout of his wooden smoking pipe from his mouth, and responded. As he did so, he continuously dragged his wearied eyes along each and every member of the Fellowship—each one now a suspect. 

"You are worried one of them will try to take the Ring," Aragorn lulled, his voice more knowing than curious. 

"Worried? Indeed," Gandalf drew out, paying particular attention to Boromir. "I cannot dismiss the warning in my heart, or that of Elrond's."

As Aragorn slowly ran his calculating eyes along the Fellowship, paying particular attention to his apprentice, Y/n (of whom still cackled loudly with a fleeing Merry and Pippin—both an angry Elf and Dwarf hot on their tails, as they ran rings around the fire) he took a moment to respond.

"What would you have me do?"

Inhaling in a wearied manner, Gandalf lowly spoke. He threw a heedful glance down at the ranger sat beside him, who in turn met his urging stare.

"We are to conduct an investigation," Gandalf began to declare. “In my stead, you shall thoroughly examine each and every member."

"Every member?" Aragorn repeated, raising his brows, before his conflicted gaze ran on over towards Y/n.

Catching the ranger's torn visage and trusting eyes, as he studied his younger cartography apprentice, Gandalf flickered his own attention on over towards Y/n.

She was now barricading herself behind a log with Merry and Pippin, laughing, as she and the two Hobbits threw worm after worm at a shouting Legolas and Gimli. 

"Well..." Gandalf lulled in amusement, "perhaps not all are to be investigated."

"Perhaps not all, indeed," Aragorn gently smiled, huffing in amusement, as he studied the girl's questionable antics. 

Slowly studying Pippin next, who bore similar qualities to the chuckling girl sat beside him, Aragorn quirked a brow up in Gandalf's direction, and spoke in a slightly bemused tone. 

"If we are following that logic, then Pippin, too, should be exempt from the investigation."

"No, absolutely not. I want him thoroughly investigated. In fact, examine him first."

~

A few grueling weeks had passed the Fellowship by, and a few more taxing days afterwards had since also passed. This was all following the harrowing ordeal within the Mines of Moria, of course.

Gandalf was now gone, which left a wearied Aragorn alone to conduct the investigation. 

As the Fellowship trekked in a silent line through the thick, mossy forest, Aragorn spotted a small clearing up ahead.

The meadow in question allowed sunlight to finally stream down in open rays—a much needed privilege for the wearied Fellowship.

It was also the perfect location to thoroughly examine each and every member of the Fellowship. 

After Aragorn had pushed the Fellowship a little further, so that they all emerged into the grassy, wild flower-strewn clearing, he had called for them all to stop and take a rest.

In response, Boromir and Gimli seized the chance to light a small fire, and prepare a stew.

As the Hobbits all collapsed onto the ground in a sighing heap—relieved to grant their shorter legs a break—Y/n, too, made a move to join them on the floor.

"Not you, Y/n," Aragorn gently instructed, inspecting his sword within the glinting sunlight. 

Sharing a glance with the Hobbits, Y/n knitted her brows. She nonetheless obediently rose once more, and walker across the grass to meet with the ranger—her teacher. 

"You're in trouble..." Legolas teasingly sung out.

"I know where you sleep at night," Y/n, in turn, sung back, mimicking his melodic tune.

As she strutted by the Elf, whose face contorted in fear, she steadily made her way on over towards Aragorn.

"What is it?" Y/n questioned him. She now stood a few yards away from the rest of the curious Fellowship.

Sheathing his sword, Aragorn placed a hand in the small of Y/n's back. She was the only person there he trusted above all else, as he and her had stood the test of time together—the ranger having been training the young cartographer since she were merely ten. 

With their backs now turned to the indiscreetly glancing Fellowship behind, Aragorn quietly spoke to Y/n. 

"It has come to my attention that someone within our company is not to be trusted with the Ring," he warily began, paying a skeptical glance backwards at the seven curious members. “They could be leaking information to Sauron. The entire Fellowship is under investigation."

Knitting her brows, Y/n lightly recoiled her head, responding. "That's ludicrous! No one here is a traitor!"

"Do not take this the wrong way," Aragorn began in a wince, half over what he had to say, and half over the girl's louder than necessary voice, "but you are a cartographer...what makes you so sure of their intent?"

"Ah!" Y/n started, holding up one finger. “But it is BECAUSE I am a cartographer that I am so sure!" 

Knitting his brows dubiously, Aragorn took a moment to respond. He was quite used to her antics.

"I don't like where this is going—"

"You see," Y/n interjected brightly, "because I am good at reading maps—”

"Please don't finish that sentence-"

"I know how to find my way into someone's heart!" she finished, drawing a love-heart with her fingers.

Aragorn winced his eyes shut, taking in a deep breath.

Studying his mannerisms, Y/n pressed on—panning and open hand out behind her at every Fellowship member.

"Look, what I'm trying to say," she began defending herself and her friends, "is that I know these gentlemen—I know everything about them."

Seizing the moment to teach his apprentice a valuable lesson in the ways of being a survivalist ranger, Aragorn threw on his lecturing face—one she knew all too well.

"Well, you're a poor ranger if you don't think that people can surprise you," Aragorn tutored. 

"Not these people!" Y/n affirmed.

Finding that Aragorn merely, and rather doubtfully, quirked a brow, Y/n tutted her tongue. She turned to the side, so that she once again faced the Fellowship.

They, in turn, quickly averted their eyes—some striking up lazy conversations, and others idly whistling.

"Here, watch this," Y/n started again, scanning her eyes along the Fellowship, causing Aragorn to do the same. “I know what EVERYONE is going to do tonight."

As the Fellowship warily glanced between each other—concerned over their nightly antics being exposed aloud—Y/n began gesturing towards each and every member, demonstrating that she indeed did know her friends quite well. 

"Frodo is going to go to sleep early, so that he can wake up first," Y/n began rattling off, raising her brows at a gulping Frodo. “Simply because he enjoys having five minutes alone."

As Frodo lolled his head from side to side, considering her words—ultimately deciding that she was correct with a hum—Y/n pointed at Sam, promptly continuing on. 

"Sam is going to count each strand of rosemary within his herb container, as a way to fall asleep," she pressed on, earning a slow nod of concord from Sam. “Reminds him of home.”

Dragging her hand across to Merry and Pippin, Y/n spoke again. 

"Merry and Pippin are going to whisper weird things into Gimli's ears, because they're trying to subliminally teach him to give them both piggyback rides—”

"I'm sorry, what?" Gimli interjected. He snapped his glare across at a sheepish Merry and Pippin, who each rubbed a hand at the back of their necks.

"AND Gimli will say he's going to take the nightwatch, but promptly fall asleep," Y/n pressed on, dragging her pointed finger away from Gimli to land on a very wary Legolas. 

"Legolas is going to sneak off, and crack open his conditioner he thinks we all don't know about," Y/n exposed, causing the prince's gaze to widen. “And then he's going to douse all his locks in it to collect moisture overnight."

Humming in begrudging agreement, Legolas flickered his gaze up towards the sky in loving thought of his fragrant conditioner—nodding his head once in admittance. 

"That is correct," Legolas shamelessly confessed. 

As Boromir stoked the fire, he began lifting a silver pot of stew from the ground, so that he could place it over the fire on the suspended wooden spit. 

"AND," Y/n brightly began in conclusion, pointing at a preoccupied Boromir, "if I run, and leap at Boromir, he will most certainly catch me in his arms."

Before anyone within the temporary camp could comprehend the girl's words, she had immediately begun sprinting on over towards Boromir, who still held the pot of soup in his hands. 

"COMING IN!" Y/n hastily announced, darting towards an alarmed Boromir with fast movements.

"NO, I'M HOLDING THE STEW—”

With a crash and a clatter of the stew falling to the grass, Y/n had promptly leapt from the ground, and landed in Boromir’s arms, bridal-style.

Grinning, as Boromir stumbled backwards, Y/n sent her beam on over towards Aragorn.

"See?” Y/n began in glee. “I told you! I know each and EVERY member inside and out!"

As Aragorn bit down on his lower lip, Y/n patted Boromir on the chest thrice.

"Nothing to worry about at all! This Fellowship is legitimate!"

Promptly scurrying out from Boromir's arms, like a skittish cat, Y/n met the ground below again with a soft thud. She dusted off her hands, ignoring the sighs from her mentor.

Possessing all the confidence in the world, Y/n placed her hands on her hips and spoke one more time.

"We're going to be just fine!"

If only her words remained true. 

[thotsfortherapy]

I called this mutual friend today and holy shit my housemate's behaviour is somehow even worse than what I experienced...

I will tag this as 'housemate drama' in case anyone wants to filter it out cause god knows there will probably be more where this came from

- they plagiarized my friend's cover letter for a managerial position at our school, promised they would give my friend a job if they got the position . when my friend expressed concern cause they were submitting an application for a job at the same place, my housemate was like "oh don't worry that position closes in a week so you have time to rewrite your cover letter :)"

- once my housemate got the position they were like "actually I don't like how it'll look if I hire my friend so even if you're the most qualified person who applies I'm still not gonna hire you"; proceeded to try and sabotage my friend's entire hiring process by ranking them as low as possible (my friend got the job cause everyone else on the hiring panel wanted them)

- my housemate also literally did not ask HR about how to deal with a conflict of interest, just decided that they had to prevent this friend from getting the job in every way possible.. even though this friend is financially independent (and my housemate! is supported by their parents!) and relies on students loan/whatever income they can scrape up...

- tried to get this friend to apply for another position instead which was 10 more hours a week; turns out they were doing that cause they wanted to prevent ME from getting the job since I was the most qualified candidate at the time (I didn't go for the job cause I didn't want to work with them... Good decision)

- when my friend wanted to hire me as a volunteer for their service, my housemate tells them that they are forbidden from doing so; when my friend is like "you can't do that", my housemate is like "well actually I'm your boss so yes I can" (very much not how that works!)

- my housemate only hired the other person at the service cause they thought the person wouldn't cause issues for them

- they have been reported to HR within 2 months of having this position lol

- insisted on having a date with this girl AT MY FRIEND'S APARTMENT. my friend leaves to give them privacy. literally 10 minutes later my housemate decides to leave with the girl they're on a date with.. while leaving the apartment completely unlocked and also leaving all their shit there. my friend tries to call them back cause they have an exam the next day and need to go to bed and my housemate does not respond. my friend ends up having to call the girl they're on a date with to force my housemate to come pick up their shit (which takes way too long)

- when my friend tells my housemate "hey that wasn't okay I feel like you aren't respecting my time" my housemate blames it on being neurodivergent and starts crying... does not change their behaviour lol

- still believes they did nothing wrong when they made everyone cry at my gathering.... and then proceeded to make of ppl for crying. Said the reason I sent them a stern message setting boundaries (your behavior was inappropriate and made everyone uncomfortable; also we literally verbally told you this and you ignored it) was cause I "had it out to get them"

- also constantly bragging about how they're the chillest person ever btw. and how they've done so much internal work and they've healed so much. they roll out of bed onto a yoga mat and listen to bird noises for an hour. they've done all the internal work (which means they're better than you btw) and they don't need therapy cause they do shadow work and journaling 🙏 even though they have literally frequented someone's favorite study spot before just to ruin it for them (super super chill behavior) (this is sarcasm)

- they literally STILL LIVE WITH ME.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

(sorry for confusing language, everyone in this story uses they/them pronouns lmao)

apparently the housemate I've been having issues with has told our mutual friend they're gonna "turn everyone against me" and force me to move out... also apparently would update said friend on literally everything they saw me do and only talk about me... I literally haven't spoken to them in months and they always just ignore me when we see each other (even though I say hi cause I'm nice) like bruh..

joke's on them though cause literally everyone who knows me is on my side :)

[whenisitenoughtrees]

ok feel free to ignore this if you don't want to: again for 'the point in just drowning another day' from 'You’re too hard on yourself' to 'Just that it’s true, and right now, that is enough'? again if it's too long just the parts you want to! (also no i don't ship moceit in the sligtest what are you talking about)

whaaaaat? you? ship moceit? i never would have gotten that impression, don’t know what you’re trying to say here /j

dvd commentary

the point in just drowning another day

under the cut!

“You’re too hard on yourself,” Janus murmurs, voice entirely too knowing, entirely too understanding, and Patton doesn't know that he can handle the depth of this empathy. “You deserve to have the support that you’ve been trying so hard to provide.”

He falls silent, then, the movie still playing but long since forgotten, and Patton has to take a moment to absorb what has just been said.

really, janus is the only person who can tell patton this and actually get through to him, since patton’s biggest problem is that he refuses to think about himself with any selfishness at all. which is um. not good

also, the movie is forgotten bc it’s been a long time since i watched the aristocats and i cannot remember more than a few specific scenes so. y’all get some vague narration

He’s not too hard on himself. He can’t be. Everything he’s said and thought these past few weeks has been true, completely and utterly; it was his mistakes that drove the others away from him, and it is his responsibility to correct those mistakes. And if the others don’t want to see him, don’t want to talk to him, then that’s fine. It’s their right, and he doesn’t blame them at all, can’t possibly blame them when most of him believes that they’re right to do so, right to avoid him, because after everything, he can’t possibly deserve--

Oh.

But Janus says he does deserve it. That he deserves help, that he deserves support. Who, then, is right?

the thing about this is that they’re both right, at least a little. patton is right in believing that he messed up, because he did, and he’s also right to believe that he bears at least some of the responsibility to fix his mistakes. but! he’s letting his guilt drive him to an extreme, and he’s been taking on the responsibility of not just his mistakes, but everyone else’s too. or rather, he’s not letting himself think that they’ve made any mistakes at all, instead thinking that he’s the only one who’s messed up

janus, meanwhile, is completely right in that he deserves support. because he does. he deserves to let someone else take care of him for once

“Think about it this way,” Janus says, as if sensing his struggle. “If your positions were reversed, if, say, Virgil had messed up and everyone was avoiding him, would you think that’s what he deserved?”

janus may or may not be a little salty

Well, of course not. Everyone deserves love and support, even when they make mistakes, because--

Oh.

The realization comes crashing down with the force of the loudest thunderclap, and something deep within him twists, wrenches at his heart and at his stomach, and all the breath is knocked out of him as he suddenly finds himself falling forward, landing hard on Janus’ lap, arms and legs achy and all too human. Janus yanks his arms out from under the blankets to catch him, his lips parted in surprise.

it’s a first step. a baby step, if you will. and as soon as patton begins to entertain the possibility that he deserves help, it’s enough to let him force himself back into human shape

also, janus is holding him for the rest of this conversation. if he were standing, it’d be a bridal carry

“But I hurt them,” Patton says, the words ripped from him as if by force, desperate, like the world might just crumble into pieces if he doesn’t get an answer. “I hurt all of them, so much.”

“And their hurt is valid,” Janus says. “Each one of them is entitled to their anger and their pain. But Patton, so are you.”

this is something i wanted to make sure to include, because the last thing i wanted was for it to seem like the others were in any way unsympathetic. because the fact is that patton did hurt them, and they are absolutely valid to be feeling the way that they are

the issue is that they’re not dealing with their feelings in a particularly healthy way, for anybody. which has led to them hurting patton in turn

which they don’t know they’re doing, btw. just to be clear, they are absolutely not trying to hurt patton back, and they’d feel awful if they knew they were. but patton’s certainly not about to tell them, and they’re all too caught up in their own issues to realize it

He bursts into tears at that, the dam breaking at last, and he lurches forward, flinging his arms around Janus’ neck and burying his face into his shoulder where the blankets have slipped away. Janus makes a startled noise, and then brings his arms up to embrace him, holding him tight and close as he runs the gamut of all the emotions he has been pushing back.

crying really is the best thing you can do, sometimes. especially since patton’s been holding so much back and internalizing the idea that he deserved to suffer

“You’re loved,” Janus says. “They all love you, even though it may seem otherwise right now. They love you, and they’ll be ready to show it again, in time.” He pauses, and his next sentence carries a strange weight, a slightly different tone, a reticence and a rushed eagerness all at once. “And I love you, Patton. Please don’t forget that.”

janus is allergic to genuinely sharing his emotions, so admitting that he cares about patton was a bit like pulling teeth for him. but he’s telling the full truth and nothing but the truth here

He sniffles. “Even though I’m getting snot all over you?” he asks into his shirt, and Janus laughs, startled.

“Even so,” he answers. “It’s snot an issue.”

Patton gasps, thrilled despite himself. He still can’t bring himself to display the reaction he would normally have, but he manages a weak smile. “Pun,” he says, voice still muffled by fabric.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Janus says. “I would never in my life crack a pun. Lies and slander.”

i had it pointed out in the ao3 comments that i missed an opportunity here and i am still mad at myself for it so i will share it with you now

janus should’ve said, “I would never in my life croak a pun.” and he would have. if i’d thought of it

hnggggggggggh

Patton pulls back a bit, enough to see his face, and is shocked to find that he is crying too, though he looks much more dignified than Patton is certain he does. For a moment, his heart fills with an overflowing, overpowering love, and before he can think better of it, he leans forward and kisses him on the cheek. Janus’ breath hitches, but Patton doesn’t back down, staring him straight in the eyes.

“I love you too,” he says, and in the moment, doesn’t know exactly how he means it. Just that it’s true, and right now, that is enough.

they definitely both have feelings for each other. but this is the most explicitly romantic they get, just because i didn’t want to accidentally portray romantic love as some kind of magic fix-all. because patton is still struggling. patton is still depressed. and janus’ love and support is helping, it really is, but it can’t solve everything, and there is a long road to recovery ahead. it’ll be better now that he has someone to help him, but the journey is still gonna be tough

also, the fic was never supposed to be about romance anyway, so i didn’t think it would feel right to end it with them explicitly getting together

they love each other, and they both know it, and that’s enough. it doesn’t so much matter how they love each other, just that they do

(but as a sidenote, you can bet that janus was internally panicking so hard over that cheek kiss. the gay flailing never stops)

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

[heyyyharry]

My Girl Series: Chapter 13 - Ghosts

…in which Y/N returns to Holmes Chapel, and Harry is a little too late.

Series description: Y/N falls in love with the older boy next door who doesn’t feel the same, years later they meet again at a funeral.

AU: actor!harry, older!harry, younger!y/n; (4-year age gap)

Chapter 12: I Love You - Y/N wants to face her past, but Harry wants to leave his behind.

Warning: EXTREME angst. 

Idk why I decided to break my own heart and everyone else’s but let’s bear with me for a better future for our babies lmao. Btw, if you guys want a cute happy song to cheer you up, Taylor Swift’s new song ME! fits their relationship very well.

OC version

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1:45 AM.

Most of the bad decisions in Harry's life by far had been made at this time of the day, when his brain was numb and his defenses were down. It started with teenage Harry throwing pebbles at his crush's window and getting chased by her father, to 24-year-old Harry picking up the call from the person he'd been avoiding for months.

Though his number one advice to himself had always been: 'if you're awake at two in the morning, just go to sleep', it was still something he'd never learned.

Sitting in the swivel chair by the floor-to-ceiling window, Harry looked out at the city, one hand gripping the phone at his ear, the other subconsciously tapping on his knee. The woman on the phone was waiting for his reply, but what she wanted to hear wasn't what he could give.

"H, say something."

A little part of him wanted to end the call and go back to bed where his present and possible future was expecting him, yet there he was, clinging onto the ghost of his past by prolonging that unnecessary conversation that was heading nowhere.

"Can I—" Ruby spoke again when all she could hear was his ragged breathing. "Can I just come over? I need to see you."

"I don't want to see you," he finally said. Judging by the sudden pause, he knew she was taken aback by that stone cold answer.

"I broke things off with him. It's true this time." Her voice trembled just like how she'd told him she would never leave him the night before she left. This might be another one of her easy lies. But why did he keep on listening instead of hanging up?

"We're gonna make an official announcement soon. But I wanted you to hear it from me," she went on to fill in his silence. "Baby, I-I know you won't believe me when I tell you this, but I love you. I still do. As much as I did before. I'm sorry I waited until now to finally end things with James. I guess I was just scared, but I'm not scared anymore. Now I know what I want. And I want us."

That was exactly what Harry had wanted to hear a couple months ago. But everything was different now.

"Rubes," he whispered, eyes squeezed shut as his brows furrowed harder. The sound of her laugh used to take him to heaven, now it only dragged him to hell.

"I missed your voice," Ruby said, funny how a smile could be heard through the phone. "I miss you. Terribly."

He shook his head slowly, afterward smiling to himself as he remembered she couldn't see him.

"Please say something, H. Anything. Let me see you."

His face contorted as she begged him in the most tragic tone he'd ever heard. It was like cleaning your closet and trying to debate if you should throw away the t-shirt you used to love that didn't fit anymore. He wanted her to shut up, but at the same time, didn't have the heart to end the conversation.

"I loved you a lot," he said at last, trying to steady his breathing when he heard her do the same. "I guess...you're always gonna mean something to me."

Ruby released a slight laugh as he took a pause. "But?"

He sighed in response to her voice crack, praying that she wouldn't burst into tears, for he wouldn't know how to cope with it. "I can't do this again, Rubes. Go back to your fiancé. We're over."

"I can't go back to the man I don't love."

"You did once before. Sure you can do it again." He chuckled wryly. "I-I'm very sorry."

She wasn't the woman he loved anymore. She was Ruby Ellis — his co-star, an actress, a stranger. That was who she was to him from now on. And he knew better than to go back to her. However, his heart ached to the thought of never hearing from her again after this call. Now he was so confused. What was it that he wanted?

Ruby didn't say anything, yet he could hear her quiet sobs which were slowly killing him. He pinched the bridge of his nose, holding his breath while waiting impatiently for her reply, which, sadly, never came.

The loud noise at the living room entrance caused his head to spin just in time Y/N caught the vase before it collided with the floor. Her big eyes stared straight at him, and his heart broke in reaction to her expression. Without reluctance, he ended the call with his ex-lover and rose from the chair, keeping eye-contact with Y/N as she took a few steps forward, eyes already filled with tears.

"Ruby?" Her voice was strained. "Ruby Ellis? The actress?"

Harry nodded, eyes glued to the floor. Y/N held her head with both hands, trying to fight the battle of emotions inside her chest as she put two and two together.

"But she'd been with her fiancé for three years." It was more like her talking to herself than to him. "Did she...cheat on him with you?"

Hurt and disbelief was etched on her face, but she still had to ask, expecting a different answer from the truth. However, Harry picked the worst time to finally be honest. He sucked in a breath, nodding his head and finally looking up to meet her eyes.

"We had an affair, but...it was more than that, at least for me. I was in love with her." Harry swallowed hard as he broke their eye-contact. "I couldn't walk away even though we'd tried to call it quit endless of times. She told me she wasn't happy and that she was gonna leave him soon, and I was stupid enough to believe her...until she left me."

Y/N's face fell fast. In that instant her skin became pale, her mouth hung with lips slightly parted and her eyes stretched wide.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She almost choked on her own words, but he wasn't looking at her to see how broken she was. "I told you everything about Blake. I trusted you!"

"You're overreacting," he mumbled and turned away. Immediately, she marched straight towards him and clutched his elbow to force him to look at her.

"What else are you hiding from me, Harry?"

"Are you serious?" He scoffed. "The past is the past. Why are you digging into mine now?"

"Because you can't seem to let it go!" Y/N shook her head fast. "We won't have a healthy relationship if you keep things like this from me."

"But we're not in a relationship, are we?"

Those words which got out on spur of the moment shocked her to the point that she let go of his arm and stumbled two steps back. Harry wasn't even thinking when he blurted out that sentence. He should've stopped there. If only he'd stopped.

"You're not my girlfriend, I don't have to tell you everything. Even if I'd told you, you would've judged me like you do now, just like everyone else!" Harry raised his voice, apparently too out of his mind to even notice the fear in her glistened eyes. "You had one boyfriend and the break up wasn't even that bad. You don't fucking know how awful it feels to give someone everything you’ve got, and still cannot compete with the person who doesn’t love them."

Y/N stared into those green eyes burning with anger. Her heart fell silent.

"Then how do you think I'm feeling right now?"

That question struck Harry like lighting. It was only then that warmth flooded back to his features. Once he saw tears streaming down her pretty face, his entire body went limp and the rapid beating of his heart echoed within his brain. The red mark on her cheek was there to remind him she'd been hurt before, now it was him who caused her more damage. The second lesson that he had never learned, was never to let anger do the talking.

“Blake left me just a week before my mother died, then you came back, you kissed me and left me too...Now put yourself in my shoes, H. Just because your pain was different from mine, it doesn’t mean you had it worse. I hurt too. I was depressed and starved myself for weeks...Is that what you want to hear?”

Trembling and afraid, Harry shook his head fast as he reached for her hands, but she shrugged him off to cover her face and muffle the heartbreaking sobs that were tearing him apart. Although she was standing right there, he couldn't help but feel like she was slipping through his fingers. He quickly clutched her arms, tears shone in his eyes yet she refused to look at him now.

"I’m so sorry...I shouldn’t...I-I don't love her anymore...You have to trust me," he pleaded, tilting his head to catch a glimpse of her face. He watched her shoulders tremble with despair. Finally, she looked up, both pairs of tear-filled eyes staring at one another.

"You don't love me either."

Y/N could see that Harry was taken aback by those words so she gave him a nod to confirm the truth.

"Yes, I knew what I said, Harry. I love you. I thought you just needed more time," she whispered, her brows drew closer together. "But now I know...I can never compete with her."

Harry's heart sank to the pit of his stomach as he heard those words. Y/N stood still, arms glued to her sides. She should feel affection when he held her face, not this, not the discomfort of his cold palms against her skin. She wanted to push him away, but she didn't have any energy left to even flinch.

He shook his head fast, pressing their foreheads together. "Bambi, look at me...You're not here to replace her. I don't love her anymore."

When he repeated those words, she almost believed him. Almost. But she couldn't. Not after what he'd said on the phone. Not after what he'd said to her when he lost his temper.

"But that's not what you meant." She exhaled sharply. "She still has a place in your heart."

"She...I...I don't...I just—" He tried to explain, though the words that got out made absolutely no sense.

"Did she leave you right before you came back for my mother's funeral?" She cut him off, not wanting to be fed with more of his meaningless words. She just wanted solid proofs that she wasn't his rebound, yet there he was, looking startled and hesitating before nodding his head to confirm her fear was real.

"Was she the one who called you after we kissed in the treehouse? The reason you were so eager to leave?"

"It's—"

"Yes or no, Harry."

"Y-Yes."

Now both of them were crying in front of one another. Y/N soon forgot about the mark on her cheek. Not a single slap could compare to this pain she must endure from hearing his confessions.

"One last question. And please be honest with me," she spoke with a breathy voice. "Do you love me?"

Silence.

Utter silence.

He could've said no, and it would've felt less insulting than him giving her silence and reluctance instead. She loved him so much that she wanted to justify for his reaction by saying he'd been hurt before and was terrified by the idea of love, that she could understand. But weren't they both the same? She'd been hurt too. She had every single reason to believe love didn't exist until she looked into his eyes. She had fought all that fear within her just to say those words to him, and meant it. If he couldn't fight for her, if he must have a second thought to decide how he should feel about her, then what was she still doing here?

Harry sucked in a breath when Y/N grabbed both of his hands and removed them from her face.

"Don't be like my dad." Her voice became as fragile as glass. "I love you...but if you don't love me back, you have to let me go."

When Y/N said those words, she did hope that he would change his mind. She did wait. But he didn't speak. And when her time for him had run out, she quietly went back to the bedroom. As for Harry, he was rooted to the spot, still trying to get grip on reality.

It didn't take too long until Y/N returned, now dressed in her own clothes and holding her handbag. He was still standing there, waiting for her to leave him instead of saying those words she'd shrugged off all of her pride to say to him. His face was paler than her ever recalled it being, as if his blood was all shrinking away.

In the blink of an eye, the door fell shut. And she was gone.

.

.

.

When Y/N stumbled out on the street, her eyes flooded with tears and the first person she called was Celine. She just needed to talk to someone or else her heart might combust any minute now. She bit her nails while waiting for her best friend to pick up the phone. Though it took a bit longer than usual, she knew Celine would never miss any of her calls.

"Hey, baby! Wow, I was just about to call you. Talk about being soulmates!"

"Cece, I—"

"I hope you're sitting down right now because your girl has an announcement to make!"

Y/N literally held her breath for that one-second pause.

"I'm engaged!"

When Celine screamed the big news into the phone, her best friend from across the ocean was so shocked she couldn't make a sound. She stood like a corpse on the side of the road, tears in her eyes but she was too afraid her heartbreak would ruin her best friend's happy day.

"Y/N, are you still there?"

"Yeah...I'm here."

"Are you crying?"

Y/N faked a laugh. The last thing she wanted was to make this about herself.

"I can't help it. I'm just so happy for you two," she said, trying to sound as cheerful as she could pretend.

"Aww, my love! Gosh, I wish you were here with us." Celine giggled. "Oh, why did you call by the way?"

"I just missed you, that's all." Y/N pressed her lips together, taking a deep breath. "Hey, something just came up, I gotta go now. I'll call you another time, yeah? Then we can spend hours talking about this."

"Oh, we certainly will! Love you, baby."

"Love you too, baby."

When that phone call came to an end, Y/N sank even deeper into depression.

How could it be?

In less than twelve hours, everything had been taken away from her. She had prided herself on being independent and laughed in the faces of the ones who needed the company of another to feel fulfilled. Here she was, completely lost with no one to turn to, not even herself. So she kept on walking, letting her tears fall and her feet lead the way. Maybe when the sun rose in a few hours, everything would be alright.

If only it'd been that easy.

The rain came without warning. It started out with little droplets, and the next second it was a torrential downpour, washing over her skin so strongly that it felt as if she was standing under a giant waterfall. Y/N didn't have an umbrella with her, so the only thing she could do was cover her head with the handbag and attempt to call a taxi on the phone. Due to unfortunate carelessness, the device slipped out of her grip and fell right into the puddle on the pavement, causing Y/N to literally scream out a curse word. There wasn't anyone around to think she was insane anyway.

The phone was dripping in rainwater when she picked it up, thus only magic could get it to work again. This time, instead of risking her life to run home, she dashed to find cover under a roof nearby, just in time two headlights appeared through the thick water curtain.

A car pulled over in front of Y/N. The familiar voice grabbed her attention right before she could recognize the person in the driver seat.

"Get in!" Marcy shouted as she tapped on the window.

This woman would be the last person Y/N wanted to be around at a moment like this, but she was given no other choice. It was either being safe in the car with the crazy person who'd slapped her, or risking standing there and getting swept away by the thunderstorm. Any sane person would've chosen the former in a heartbeat.

Immediately, Y/N got into the passenger seat and heaved a heavy sigh as she slammed the door shut, trying to catch her breath with her head back tossed back and eyes shut. Marcy quickly turned back to grab something from the backseat.

"Here." She wrapped the huge blanket around Y/N's body, stroking both of her arms to keep her warm.

"Why do you have a huge ass blanket in your car?"

"I get cold easily." Marcy rolled her eyes, although she did find it amusing how Y/N was more shocked by the blanket, than the fact that she'd showed up just in time to rescue her from the storm.

"Better?" Asked the blonde as she drove away in the rain, taking a quick glance at her future stepdaughter whose eyes were still shut, too lost in her own head to even hear that one-word question.

"How did you find me?" Y/N asked once she'd calmed down.

"It was pure luck I guess," replied Marcy. "I was driving around the city looking for you, and when it began to rain I was about to give up, then I saw you on the side of the road."

Y/N didn't say anything, instead, she turned her head to the left. Water droplets hit the car window as they drove onwards. She watched those raindrops race down, somehow finding a little bit of peace and calmness in the loud and chaotic storm.

Now that the heavy shower had washed away his scent on her body, she didn't want to go back anymore. She didn't even want to return to her flat where everywhere she looked reminded her of him. Now she had no other place to go but one.

"Are you heading back to Holmes Chapel?" She asked Marcy, who was taken aback by the sudden question.

"Uh...yeah, but I can drop you off—"

"No." She shook her head, staring at the road ahead instead of the woman in the driver seat. "Just keep on driving."

.

.

.

Harry completely lost track of time, which seemed to fly faster as he was lost in his own thoughts. Maybe he would've continued sitting there on his sofa and replaying Y/N's words over and over again in his head until he passed out from exhaustion, if the sound of thunder hadn't dragged him back to reality.

His head turned to the glass window when the rain started to pour. All that he could see was a thick curtain of water and the hazy city light hidden underneath it. His heart stopped for a second when he recalled the accident which left Y/N with a sprained ankle. He couldn't show up to help her then, now she was out in the rain because of him.

If something bad happened to her...

Harry quickly rose up as the thought briefly crossed his mind, just in time his phone began to ring. The name Ruby appeared on the screen again, but this time, he didn't even care. It was funny and sad at the same time, how the moment of realization always came a bit too late.

What had he done?

Not until then did it occur to Harry that his Bambi had left him for good. He'd officially lost her.

Now that she was gone, he missed her, he needed her, he worried about her. Now that he knew there was a high chance that he could never get her back, it felt as if he was bleeding internally. The pain couldn't compare to when Ruby left him, no, it was much worse. It tore his chest opened. If something bad happened to her tonight, how could he possibly live with himself?

What had he done?

Harry ran fast to his bedroom to throw on a pair of jeans and the t-shirt she'd left on his bed, which still smelt like her. He returned to the living room and grabbed an umbrella before heading out as fast as possible. He rushed to the street, gasping for air as the raindrops hit his cold skin. Even with an umbrella above his head, Harry couldn't save his clothes from getting soaked just in less than a minute. But it was the least of his concerns now. He turned left, then right, mouth agape, eyebrows knitted together. There was not a single person or car in sight. Where was she? Where was his Bambi?

He dialed her number but he couldn't reach her. She either had him blocked or her phone turned off, whichever it was, he wasn't sure if she was safe, and he couldn't rest knowing she was somewhere out there in this pouring rain, all on her own.

He must go find her now.

What had he done?

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.

.

It was a long drive back to Holmes Chapel, for no vehicle could go fast in this kind of weather. The more time it took the more uncomfortable it got for the two young women in this car.

Marcy inhaled deeply as she stole another glance at Y/N, who had been so quiet that Marcy felt like it would be a crime if she breathed a bit too loud. She thought it might be for the best if she just kept silent and her eyes on the road. However, it was hard to ignore the mark on Y/N's cheek. Although it looked better now than before, it reminded Marcy of what she'd done. And she'd been tormenting herself over it from the night before.

After a couple seconds of contemplating, she finally spoke up, "About what happened in the store..." She paused to clear her throat. "I-I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"Don't bother," Y/N cut her off, speaking in a monotone. The girl couldn't sound any less indifferent, not her usual aggressive and sarcastic tone. That was how Marcy knew it had a lot to do with the big reason behind her wanting to go back to Holmes Chapel. Marcy was just too afraid to ask.

"After all," Y/N went on, this time sounding breathless. "My father was the one who took the ring from my mother, not you."

"But..." Marcy sucked in a deep breath. "But he didn't take the ring back."

This time, Y/N finally turned to look at her, eyes broadened at once. Marcy kept her focus on the road, yet her expression hardened as if what she was about to say was going to be very brutal to the young girl sitting next to her.

"On the night of the accident, before your mother left, she gave it back to him."

"W-What?"

"Your father asked me not to tell you this but...I think you deserve to know the truth." Marcy sighed, tightening her grip on the steering wheel. "Your parents had planned on getting divorced two months prior to Tam's death. I-I had nothing to do with it, I don't even know the reason. It wasn't until after she'd left that Brad and I began to grow feelings for each other. But everyone blames me for their fight, for her accident. I guess that was why I got so fed up with your attitude and—" Marcy blinked fast, shaking her head in guilt. "I'm not trying to justify my action, because I know it was wrong. But I didn't mean to hurt you on purpose."

Y/N didn't expect any of that. Besides the divorce, nothing else seemed to make sense. Why did her mother take off the ring that she loved more than herself? What was it that they were arguing about that night?

She had hoped that Marcy was just lying, yet for someone with such a troubled past, she would be able to tell if someone was spilling out lies. Therefore she was sure Marcy had said exactly what she knew. Now Y/N felt like she knew nothing at all, not even her mother, the one she loved most.

"You should take a nap. I'll wake you up when we're almost home," Marcy said with a smile.

Now that the rain was over, the sky glowed like a summer peach and the sun slowly emerged from the skyline as tall buildings rose out of the darkness. Y/N's heart was at peace once again, knowing she would be home soon.

But as she closed her eyes to get some rest, all that she could see was him.

.

.

.

"Bambi! Please, open the door if you're in there!" Harry knocked more urgently this time as he tried to catch his breath and fight back the tears. His voice was hoarse from pleading for her to let him in. It had been a while, and now he began to think she wasn't there.

The first golden light of the new day snuck through the little window near the ceiling into the hallway, blinding Harry for a second as if to let him know that the sun had come once again. How often we saw the dawn and took it for granted, that when darkness took over we suddenly craved for the light and the life it brought to our world? Same as Y/N. Now that she was gone, he finally realized what he'd lost.

Harry sat down on the floor with his back against her front door, head in his hands. Their last conversation soon came back to haunt him, and so was the look on her face when he let her go. He knew he deserved that. He was unworthy of her love. But now that he'd lost his ray of sunshine, how could he live with this cold?

In just a minute, Harry's eyes dripped with tears as he gazed toward the window above, as if the light could soothe him. His face twisted and his fists clenched so tight he could feel the sweat trapped inside them. He looked like the same distressed little boy who'd lost the stuffed bunny and the girl he loved. It would take more than a black eye and losing his captain armband to win her back this time.

But right now, he just wanted to know if she was safe. He wiped his tears and pulled out his phone, quickly making a call to the only person he knew would be able to help.

"Hello?" Isaac answered after five seconds. His sleepy voice was evident that he was barely awake.

"Mate...did Y/N come to you, or at least contact you?"

"No. What's wrong? Did something happen to her?" Just like him, his best friend sounded overly distraught.

"We had a fight and she ran off in the rain and...I'm right outside her place right now but she's not home yet."

"She didn't answer your calls?"

"No." Harry sighed, combing his fingers through his hair. "Maybe if you call her, she'll pick up."

"Alright. I'll text you if I know where she is."

"Thank you. I-I appreciate that."

Isaac hummed as a reply and hung up the phone. Harry sat there with his head tossed back, resting against the door, his eyes on the ceiling. Now he was too stressed to even get on with his day and act like nothing was wrong when everything was. But if he continued to sit there for too long, one of Y/N's neighbors might report him, or even worse, someone could start a false rumor that might damage her reputation. Sighing, he pushed himself off the floor to stand up straight, one palm pressed against the wall to keep his balance.

"Hey, you!"

When Harry heard that voice, his head jerked in its direction where he found an old lady walking up the stairs.

"Hi, ma'am," he mumbled, pressing his lips into a small smile as she approached him. But the woman couldn't look more irritated.

"You're dating the girl in that flat, right?"

Harry parted his lips, not knowing how to answer, but he assumed the old woman must be Mrs. Huang, the angry neighbor who kept complaining about him and Y/N having sex a bit too loud. She didn't even need a response from him, and just went straight into the point, handing him the pink notebook which he hadn't noticed that she'd been holding until now.

"She dropped this yesterday. Maybe you can give it back to her."

"Oh...thank you."

Mrs. Huang eyed at the young man from head to toes, making him think she might begin to lecture him on how to not disturb the neighbors. However, what she said to him was this.

"Ever since you came around, I've seen her sing a different song every day when she leaves the building. As annoying as she might be sometimes, that girl seems to be head over heels for you." Then the woman sighed happily, her wrinkles became more visible now that she was smiling at him. "I miss being young and in love with someone. Hold onto it while you still can, alright?"

When Mrs. Huang patted him on the arm and returned to her home, Harry looked down at the pink notebook in his hand. And in a few seconds, all the memories flooded back and the different images of her beautiful smile flashed right through his mind. At that moment, he realized, the goodbye wasn't supposed to be the hardest part, it was the flashbacks that followed right after.

Every single day he'd spent with Ruby had been filled with fear and anxiety, which he'd mistook for passion. But Y/N was his medicine. When he was with her, the pain stopped. She made him feel safe even though their relationship had never been solid, and with her, he could get away from the chaotic of his world to find real peace.

After getting soaked in the rain, his old t-shirt no longer smelt like his Bambi, which meant he had nothing left of her to keep, not even her scent. Now he missed her with a pain in his guts like a fire burning slow.

Had he been brave enough to just face his fear and accept the fact that it was love. It wasn't anything like the love he'd had for Ruby, but it was love. Otherwise, he wouldn't have trembled every time she called his name, his knees wouldn't have gone weak every time he caught her smiling at him, he wouldn't have spent most of the time during a day thinking, fantasizing, daydreaming about her.

If it wasn't love, what else could it be?

In his heart, he retracted all the terrible things he had said to her. He'd learned his lessons the hard way, but not soon enough for the two of them.

.

.

.

"Your sim card is okay, but I'm gonna have to take your phone to the repair store. Meanwhile, you can use my old Blackberry, it still works pretty damn fine."

Y/N pressed her lips into a small smile as she took the phone from her dad, sitting down on the edge of her bed with a blanket wrapped around her now dry and warm body. Bradford stood there for a moment to make sure his daughter didn't need anything else. He was debating with himself whether or not he should ask about why she'd come back. But once he saw the look on her face as she acted busy with the device, he took it as a cue to leave her alone for now.

Once her bedroom door was shut, Y/N finally lifted her eyes as sadness clouded her features at once. She carefully looked around the room. There was a strange melancholy feeling in her heart to be back in her childhood home after two years. Everything looked almost the same as the day she left for college, but it didn't feel the same because she was the one who'd changed.

Through that window, she used to secretly watch Harry return home from school every day. In this bed, he used to hold her as they both fell asleep on nights when her parents were both out of town, and her irresponsible aunt didn't care if there was a boy in her room. On that desk, she'd written countless pages about him, for him, that he might never get to read. She looked around this room and all she could see were their ghosts lurking in every single corner.

After all those years, the boy next door was still so far out of reach. And she was still the same fourteen-year-old pining over her older neighbor who didn't love her in return. That bitter truth made her eyes well up, but she was too old to live in Wonderland anymore. It was time for her to go back.

The new ringtone blasted from the old phone shocked Y/N to the point that she almost tossed her dad's Blackberry across the room. Fortunately, she didn't. She sighed in relief the second the name Isey appeared on the screen. Wiping away her tears, she pressed answer immediately.

"H-Hi..." Y/N exhaled a nervous laugh, hoping he wasn't able to tell what a wreck she was. But he already knew that when he decided to call.

"Smiley, are you okay? Where are you? Are you safe? Are you with someone?"

"I'm fine. What's going on?" Then the answer just appeared in her head on its own. Her smile faded soon as realization sank in. Her voice was soft and careful as she questioned, "what did Harry tell you?"

"That you two got into a fight and you ran off in the storm."

Y/N scoffed, looking down and shaking her head slightly. "It's no big deal really."

"What happened?"

"Well..." She pursed her lips, trying to come up with a white lie good enough to convince him she was okay. "We just had a small disagreement and, yeah, like we always do. It's not that big of a deal."

"I still think you should call him back," Isaac said. She could imagine the frown upon his face. "He was so worried."

"Hmm," she hummed, pressing her lips to form a straight line, not knowing what else to say.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm...in Holmes Chapel."

"What are you doing there?"

Hiding.

"I'm back for my father's wedding in two days." She chuckled nervously, eyes glancing at the spinning fan above her head. "Don't you worry about me."

There was a long pause from Isaac's side when all she could hear was his soft yet heavy breathing. She wished she could tell him what had happened, but neither her heart nor her head agreed it was a good idea to confide in Harry's best friend. So she just sat in silence and waited for him to speak. Eventually, he did.

"If you're sad, just say so."

Y/N nodded in response to those words, yet she soon realized that he couldn't see her so she quietly reassured him that she was fine. Though Isaac could probably tell she only said that so he would stop worrying about her, he was nice enough to not call her out for being a terrible liar.

"Look, I gotta go now..." She said fast, her brows pinched together as her eyes squeezed shut. "Talk to you another time?"

"Alright." He let out a short breath. "Have a great day, Smiley."

"Wait! One more thing!"

"Yeah?" His light chuckle caused her to smile a bit.

"Please don't tell Harry I'm here...I'm gonna talk to him myself when I'm ready."

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Knowing that Isaac always kept his words, Y/N trusted him entirely as she muttered a goodbye and waited for him to hang up first.

She put her phone down, staring at the window where came the new daylight welcoming her back to the small town of Holmes Chapel. The girl smiled sadly as she curled up in a ball on her childhood bed, her eyes fell shut in an instant. The exhaustion caused her body to hang limp like wet laundry on a winter day, now every one of her muscles was giving into gravity.

Taking a deep breath, she could feel the sorrow in her chest waiting to take over, yet the fear didn't seem to exist like many times before. She knew the feeling of losing someone she loved, physically, emotionally, or both; and knowing it probably made it less scary. But what was worse than fear was the emptiness that followed when that someone was gone. She was learning how to deal with it, but slowly.

[fanciful-follies]

94. You're an idiot. I married an idiot. I wish you all the best things and hope you have a good day/night/something else❤ You are so skilled in writing, it is amazing. (I don't want to seem weird btw, I just want to thank you for your amazing writing and sweet personality)

By the time Aaron leaves the restaurant, he’s in a particularly sour mood. Alexander was supposed to meet him there over an hour ago so he could formally introduce him to his sister, Sally, who he had only met briefly at their wedding.

But Alexander hadn’t shown, and Aaron had spent the first fifteen minutes of the dinner apologizing profusely to Sally while simultaneously trying to get ahold of Alexander.

By the end of the dinner, with Alexander’s chair still empty, Sally had taken Aaron’s hand and promised to stop by again the next time she was in New York, and that he had no reason to be sorry, that these things happen.

But Aaron isn’t just sorry, he’s angry. Alexander knew how much this - him meeting Sally - meant. And he didn’t show. Didn’t even call to give a shitty excuse.

When his phone buzzes in his pocket as he’s walking to his car, Aaron pulls it out and then scowls when he sees Alexander’s name flashing across the screen.

“Where the fuck are you?” Aaron hisses into the phone. “I’m serious, Alexander, you better have a mind blowing reason for skipping out on this dinner.”

Alexander breathes out slowly on the other end, the sound crackling in Aaron’s ear. “I’m at urgent care,” he says. “I need you to come pick me up.”

Aaron bursts through the doors of the urgent care around fifteen minutes later, almost bumping into someone as he makes his way over to the front desk.

“Alexander Hamilton,” he says in a rush to the man sitting at the desk. “I need to see Alexander Hamilton. He said he - “ Aaron cuts off when a door opens, Alexander walking out into the waiting room with a doctor trailing behind him. “Alexander!”

Alexander gives Aaron a sheepish smile when they pause in front of each other. “Hey.”

Aaron reaches out for him, pauses when he remembers why they’re here. “Is your shoulder okay? Is it fixed?”

The doctor behind Alexander smiles, steps forward to intercept Aaron’s questions. “He’s fine,” she tells him in a calm voice. “It was a routine dislocation, and we popped it back in with no problem. He might be a little sore, but we gave him medication for that.”

Aaron nods, reaches out to take the hand of Alexander’s uninjured arm. “Okay. Okay, thank you.”

They walk outside hand in hand, Alexander surprisingly quiet as they head towards where Aaron parked.

“You sure you’re okay?” Aaron asks after a few more minutes, glancing over to see Alexander biting at his lip. “You’re unnervingly quiet.”

“I’m sorry I missed the dinner,” Alexander says, peeking over at Aaron with a worried expression. “I know how important it was to you and I wanted to go but I - “

“Don’t.” Aaron pauses, walks in front of Alexander so they’re facing each other. “Don’t apologize. You have a pretty stellar excuse.”

Alexander smiles at that, shrugs his shoulders and then winces.

“How did it happen?” Aaron asks, eyes narrowing when a blush spreads over Alexander’s face at the question.

“Not important.”

“Alexander…”

Alexander looks away from Aaron, looks down at his feet instead, and then breathes in deep. “I locked myself in the bathroom by accident. The doorknob wouldn’t turn.”

Aaron blinks at him, not understanding the connection. “Okay, that’s…unfortunate, but I don’t see how - “

“I tried breaking the door down by running at it, but I dislocated my shoulder,” Alexander blurts, all the words coming out in a rush.

“You…you tried breaking down the door?” Aaron asks, and when Alexander nods, Aaron starts laughing, starts laughing and can’t stop, his shoulders shaking with the force of it. “Oh my god. You’re an idiot. I married an idiot.”

“Shut up,” Alexander grumbles. “This is your fault anyway,” he continues, jabbing a finger at Aaron’s chest. “If you hadn’t been freaking out about this dinner for weeks, I wouldn’t have felt the need to attempt to break down the door. And to make things worse, the fucking thing opened up after I ran at it, just swung right open when I tried the doorknob again.”

Aaron laughs even harder, but after a few seconds, some of Alexander’s words catch up to him, and he slowly regains control over himself, chuckling a few more times before reaching for Alexander’s hand again. “I can’t believe you broke down a door for me.”

“Tried and failed to break down a door for you,” Alexander corrects, but he gives Aaron a small smile and then steps forward, resting his forehead against Aaron’s shoulder. “So, you forgive me, then?”

Aaron chuckles again, shifts so he can press a kiss to Alexander’s temple. “Yeah.” Then he pulls back, waits until Alexander is looking up at him to lean in for proper kiss. “I love you.”

“Even though I’m an idiot?”

Aaron just hums, kisses Alexander again in response.

“Do you love me enough to not tell anyone about this whole thing?”

Aaron smirks. “Oh, I’m definitely telling people. In fact, I think we should Skype Sally tonight and you can tell her yourself.”

Alexander groans, but he allows Aaron to nudge him towards the car, climbing in while he grumbles under his breath, Aaron still smiling as he starts the car.

The drive back to their home takes about twenty minutes, and Alexander falls asleep within ten, the pain medication they gave him clearly making him tired.

Once they finally do get home, Aaron has to half-carry Alexander inside, making sure to lay him down on the couch on his good side, throwing a blanket over him and pressing a kiss to his forehead before walking down the hallway.  

When Aaron sees the bathroom door hanging wide open, he pauses, inspecting it closely. There’s a large dent in the middle of it, and upon seeing it, Aaron starts laughing all over again, has to lean against the wall for support when he hears Alexander yell a muffled ‘shut up’ from the couch.

He really did marry an idiot, but Aaron doesn’t regret it in the slightest, because who else has a husband willing to break down a door for them?

He can’t think of anything more romantic.

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

Hey! Do you have any wip in which dnp are in a qpr? If not do you plan on writing some? Maybe you could base it off your relationship, that would be cute. It's just that i've felt really down lately about my sexuality and I feel like i'll never find someone who understands me. Of course don't feel any pressure or anything, i just love your fics

Hey! Ohmygosh someone else interested in QPR phan, hiii, this is wonderful

I actually have an entire QPR verse right here! I’m going to beadding to it in the future, it’s basically going to follow the irl timeline asclose as I can and then move into the future (once I get there)

I also wrote this QPRoneshot back before I extended it into the whole verse

Aaaand the next installment in QPR verse is currently at 750 words and willbe added to and posted as soon as I can ^_^ but as QPR phan is my fave and I’mdoing prompt requests right now, I’m going to post a little thing here for itxD

I hope you don’t feel too down about your sexuality

Now for some QPR verse:

—

Dan hadn’t actually expected a knock at the door.

He was curled up in his uni room, wrapped in the green hoody he’d stolenfrom Phil, and feeling decidedly sorry for himself. He actually hadn’t seen Phil in a couple of days, feeling too wretched to even attempt to leave his uni room despite the plans they’d had to see the city some more. Dan hadn’t been in Manchester for long yet, and Phil was definitely enjoying showing him around.

Dan would actually quite like Phil’s attention on him, thank you very much, which may have been why he posted a picture of himself wrapped in his hoody looking sick and sorry for himself online earlier that day. He’d maybe been attempting to curry some more sympathy from Phil, but Dan wasn’t ever going to admit to that.

He also hadn’t expected anything to actually come from it.

Phil had called him that morning, of course, because he always did. Dan had made sure to cough and splutter and sound as sickly as possible in the hopes of garnering some sympathy, but Phil had just laughed at him.

“You sound like a dying goose.”

“Thanks,” Dan answered dryly, sniffling.

“Don’t worry, it’s a good dying goose noise.”

That was very Phil - comparing him to an animal of some kind, laughing at him but also being kind. Dan didn’t quite know how Phil managed to do that. It didn’t matter quite how shit Phil might be feeling, one call from Phil and he instantly felt better.

Phil was everything to him. They weren’t traditional, he knew, but as far as Dan was concerned, Phil was his person in every way that mattered. They belonged to each other, were committed to each other, and it didn’t matter if no one else quite understood how. Dan didn’t need kisses or romantic gestures or anything more physical than a hug to know that this was the most important relationship in his life.

Phil, miraculously, understood that too. He was perhaps the only other person in the entire world who would, which was why they hadn’t bothered trying to explain to the internet. They were overt about their relationship, and a lot of people read into it in the more traditional way, but Dan just laughed at them most days. Phil could be a little more put off by it than Dan was, so Dan did his best to shield Phil from some of the worst of it. Either way, they had each other, and that was the most important thing.

The knock at Dan’s door sounded again, and he squinted at it as if that would make whoever it was go away. He was feeling even less like peopling than he usually did, and distinctly did not want to get out of the nest of blankets he’d built for himself over the past few days.

After a few minutes of silence, Dan’s phone buzzed. He glanced down with a frown to see a new text from Phil:

Hey, let me in!

Dan blinked. It couldn’t be - could it?

Within seconds, he’d fought his way out of his nest of blankets (kicking one of the more insistent ones away from his ankle) and scurried over to the door, pulling it open to reveal his very favourite person in the world.

“Took you long enough,” Phil grumbled, though his eyes were smiling. He was dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans, wonderfully familiar, and cradled in his hands was a steaming bowl of soup. “Also, I see you’ve appropriated my hoody.”

“It’s comfy,” Dan pouted, and shuffled back out of the way to let Phil in.

His uni dorm was tiny. They hadn’t spent much time together here for that very reason, Dan barely fit inside on his own, and Phil was actually a little taller than him, if only by a tiny amount. (And Dan was still growing, much to his chagrin). But they both squeezed onto Dan’s bed somehow, Phil surveying the little nest he’d built himself with a smile. “Are you broody?”

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled, scrambling determinedly back underneath a blanket and sneezing. “I’m sick, I’m allowed.”

“I know,” Phil reminded him. “You said this morning. And yesterday morning. And in the photo earlier, and in all your texts last night–”

“Yes, well, I’m sick.” Dan definitely wasn’t pouting as he threw a disgruntled look at Phil. “Did you bring me soup?”

Phil rolled his eyes, but he held out the bowl. “Figured I should come make sure you haven’t killed yourself, and also that you’ve eaten some form of vegetable in the last week.”

Dan elbowed him in the ribs, but took the bowl eagerly enough, peeking at it. “Leek and potato?”

“You’re favourite.”

“You’re the best.” Dan settled back into the pillows, legs stretched out over Phil’s lap, and slurped happily.

Phil surveyed him with an arched brow. “What, so I come all the way over from the other side of town, and you’re not even going to let me sit next to you?”

“Nope,” Dan said between mouthfuls. “You’re a footrest.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“But your favourite, right?” Dan looked up at him hopefully. He’d managed to spill some soup on Phil’s hoody.

Phil sighed heavily, but his smile was fond as he reached over to ruffle Dan’s hair. “Yes. Somehow. You’re still my favourite.”

Dan’s answering beam was radiant.

(By the way, this is based off the timeCharlotte actually travelled halfway across the country to bring me soupbecause I was sick xD)