#If I didn't push myself so hard. Maybe my body would be in better condition

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

The thing is I really fucking want to work. I joke about being self unemployed and all that but I don't know what to do with this free time and I'm terrified of what not being able to work means for me. At some point in a month or two I'm gonna try and get a part time job and I know it's gonna fall apart. But at least then I know. Know I'm fucking useless and will never make enough money because of this fucking body of mine. I'm trying so hard to be positive but this fucking sucks. I'm too disabled to work unless i have a miraculous recovery and at some point I'm gonna have to suck it up and apply for benefits and go through that hell.

I spent over a decade fighting depression, dyslexia, bullying and just a eduction system hostile to me, and I was so close! Despite everything I had suffered up till that point I was on track to get a great graduate scheme and work my way up an engineering company, but then all that was ripped from my hands. My friends got them, and I'm left behind. I was just as smart, as clever, as passionate, and I'm facing the liklihood that I can never work, more than maybe a very flexible short shift position after years of management and recovery. My life was ahead of me, but it's been fucking stolen from me.

[hitomisuzuya]

I've been curious on how Xiao and Scaramouche would be like if they had ruts/heats like Tighnari.

For Xiao I can imagine being a good friend occasionally seeing him at the inn since you work there but being worried he didn't show up like he usually does, so you go to his room to see if he's ok-

For Scaramouche it would make it more interesting if you're the Tsaritsa's daughter or creation so you're held in a higher rank then him. So of course when you needed to ask him something and can't find him in his office, you barge into his home(not sure if they have homes or have rooms?) Or maybe he seems you out despite the power difference

These thoughts live in my head rent free 🥴

a/n: I love writing Genshin boys in a rut. I hope you enjoy. I wrote a piece about a month ago about Xiao in heat. I'm very proud of it. Btw, I love the touch about the reader being the Tsaritsa's daughter.

Scaramouche x fem!reader Xiao x fem!reader Smut.

You'd been going up to the area on the roof of Wangshu Inn where Xiao always frequented. It was getting late, and he still wasn't back yet. Verr Goldet told you go home hours ago, but you insisted on staying.

Verr let you do as you pleased. You were a model employee, and she knew you were worried about Xiao. She knew it would be good for Xiao to know that someone was worried about him.

A soft gust of wind ruffled your hair. It wasn't any ordinary wind. It was a gentle breeze of Anemo. Your heart leapt when you realized Xiao was finally back. Your eyes widened when you saw the condition he was in.

Xiao was littered with cuts and bruises. His cheeks were flushed. He was panting quietly, his eyes looking slightly unfocused. You'd never seen him this way before. You immediately went to his side.

"Xiao, you are hurt? Let me you clean these cuts up. Some of them look painful," you said, quickly scanning him for bruises.

When your fingers brushed against one, he grabbed your wrist. "Stop (you were confused that he was panting quietly), it is best if you leave. I can do this myself," Xiao said.

"What's wrong, Xiao? Please let me help you. It's what friends do. I saw Qiqi playing outside before you got back. Let me tell her to fetch Baizhu."

Xiao slapped a hand against the wall next to your head. "Friends..help each other," he mused out loud. His hands were already starting to roam over your body. "Consider for a moment if you want to use your body to help me. I'm.." gritting his teeth, Xiao looked away, embarrassed, "in a rut. If you say no, I'll leave and take care of this myself."

You gulped. You couldn't deny how you felt about him. Waiting around practically all night proved that. You nodded, making his eyes widen in surprise. "I want to help you in any way I can, Xiao, whether it be with my body or any other way."

Bunching your skirt up around your hips, Xiao pushed your panties aside while he took his cock out of his pants. He took you right there against the wall., rubbing your clit when he heard you whimper softly in pain. "I'm sorry, the scent of your arousal is driving me insane."

You didn't think you'd cum so hard in your life that night.

Scaramouche would be different from Xiao when he was in a rut. You were the Tsaritsa's daughter, and her right hand woman. Your rank was equivalent to her's. You'd started receiving complaints from his subordinates because he wasn't around to direct them for the past few days.

The authority you held over him made it okay to just barge into his quarters. He was sitting in the dark, jacking himself off, his hands sticky with cum. At some point, his hand just wasn't enough anymore. Let's call his ruts an unfortunate (or was it now that you were there) side effect of being created.

"What do you think you are doing? I'm busy here. This has better be good," Scaramouche barked rudely.

"I demand to know where you have been the past few days," you replied, feeling embarrassed that you'd caught him such a compromising position.

"Don't think you can order me around, I don't care if you are the Tsaritsa's daughter. Get out," he snarled, glaring at you. Don't take it personally, he was frustrated.

"Oh, but I can. And I will," you shot him a glare of your own. Walking over to his bed, you picked up his hand, licking some of his cum off his fingers. You had to tempt him, Scaramouche had too much pride to ask you to help him.

When he yanked his hand away from you, you sighed and stripped yourself of your clothes. He was watching you now. You'd piqued his curiosity.

"We are going to fix this here and now. You have been causing a lot of trouble for everyone lately," you proclaimed, straddling him, his hard cock sinking into your pussy.

As you started to ride him, Scaramouche gripped your hips, his eyes never once leaving yours as he thrust up into you. "What would everyone think if they knew that the Tsaritsa's daughter was fucking me right now, moaning like a little bitch."

[dimancheetoile]

uh, hi.

maybe you're seeing this on your dash and thinking "hum, this username is kinda familiar". maybe you do remember me, in which case, again, hi.

i've been gone for an entire year. it hasn't been a great one. for those who read my posts before, you might already know this, but for everyone else, I was born with a rare genetic condition. on top of that, i had a very serious accident at 13 that more or less destroyed my right leg. i haven't been able to walk right since then, and it hasn't been helped by the following years of botched surgeries, complications from the operation, misdiagnosis and medical malpractice. i'm left with a barely functional leg that has a permanently torn set of ligaments, collapsed nerves and debilitating, constant, torturous chronic pain.

then i had a weird relapse of sorts. a bucketful of symptoms. hives and flushing, limbs and joints swelling, rashes, trouble breathing, sudden drops in blood pressure, heart rate above 100 at rest, stomach cramps, nausea, headaches, migraines, chronic fatigue, confusion, memory loss, dizziness and loss of consciousness. it's called MCAS.

i can't describe to you what it's like to never be well. to never wake up in a body that feels right, even just ok. to always have something going wrong, something painful, something that doesn't work right.

i'm hooked up to an oxygen machine twice a day. i wear a compression garment that goes from my ankles up to the tips of my fingers. i have to do two self-injections every month. i live with additional compressive equipment for both my knees, both my ankles, both my wrists, an elbow. i have a machine with electrodes i can put on painful areas to electrocute them and sometimes, it helps with the pain. i have to use pain-relief plasters and poultices a couple times a day.

i have premature arthritis. the arthritis in my back ate all the cartilage of my last three vertebrae (the ones above your tailbones, your lower back) so i'm like a car with no suspensions. my vertebrae are rubbing against each other with nothing in between to protect them, my discs are crushed, i have severe sciatica. chronic light sensitive migraines.

my joints don't hold. since january, I dislocated my left knee leading to a synovium effusion (big pocket of the lube in your joint that gathers and forms a ball and it pushes on your nerves, ligaments, tendons and tissue); i sprained my left ankle and it tore my external ligament and heel ligament. i dislocated a bunch of my fingers multiple times.

oh, i also got diagnosed with endometriosis and PCOS.

i live bedridden now. i have an entire grocery bag of medication sitting by my bed so i can reach it easily. opioids, neuropathic pain medication, anti-inflammatory medication, a medication that completely stops my period.

and that's without mentioning the hours and hours of hospital visits, specialists, family doctors, physical therapists, etc.

i'm gonna be honest. same time last year, i was having a hard time. i had turned 25 in january and moved into my first apartment since uni. it's in the same village as my mom which is the only reason i could live independently. so i was just 25 and all the MCAS stuff was happening on top of everything else and i had this realisation that this was what the rest of my life would look like, but worse, because my disease is degenerative. it gets worse as you age.

so i was just 25 and i realised i had the next 50 to suffer through this and more, and suddenly i didn't want to be here anymore. there was no ideation, it was more a complete break down of my hopes for the future. what was my future going to look like in this cursed body?

anyway, i collapsed under the mental pressure, my health continued to worsen. what i used to be able to do was no so much harder, and sometimes impossible. i was a 25-year-old in a prison of their own flesh. i couldn't deal with the rest of the world, so i cut myself off from it.

i'm doing better now, mentally. physically, it's only gotten worse. as i write this, i'm reaching for my pain meds because everything below my right knee is screaming in agony and i have a splitting headache. this is a good day for me.

thank you, if you've read this far. thank you, if you thought about me even once in the past year. i'm not asking for anything, except maybe to talk with you if you have a similar story. i feel so alone in this hell, it'd be nice to talk to someone.

i love you all.

-mako

[aidenlove]

CW frank mental illness breakdown vent. OCD to be specific. Also mention of sick pet and financial issues. If any of that is potentially an issue for you right now, scroll on by friends. Not an ask for money please do not offer.

Two days ago we found our daughters cat on the floor, listless and barely responsive and hypothermic in a warm room. It had been less than 2 hours since we had last been actively interacting with him. We rushed him to the vet and they sent us home with him in critical condition. He was full on in shock, had thrown up all the water he had drank that day and peed out the rest and was massively dehydrated, was hypothermic and seizing.

And we had to go home and....wait.

He made it through the night and has been improving since, though he still won't eat and they still don't know what happened. We scoured this house, no unsecured meds or trash, no houseplants at all because we have cats, no spills of chemicals or cleaning supplies or any of those accessible to the cats. No access to outside. No contact with strangers. This looks like a poisoning of some kind, most likely accidental ingestion of something, but we have no idea what and they haven't figured it out yet either.

He will probably be there a few more days. The entire household is worried sick about him.

I can't afford any of this. I've already paid $400 and we live on $1200 a month. The rest of however much this ends up being will be due before they will release him back to us. We don't have it. Our families don't have it. We are in a poor area of one of the poorest states in the country, no one close to us has it.

And I can't make a crowdfunding campaign.

Because my brain is very very convinced that if I do that he will die.

I *know* this is the OCD. I know how and why this happens. I know several excellent coping strategies. I have medication and my therapist's phone number and even my psychiatrist's number, I could ask for an emergency script for a dose of a stronger med.

None of that is helping. Can't do it. It doesn't seem to matter how much I know this isn't true, isn't based in reality, I cannot make myself do it. I can't ask for meds because that would make me more likely to do it and my current brain, that I am living with in this moment, considers that a catastrophic possibility.

I know higher stressors will elicit more extreme responses from my brain, especially the OCD. I know my coping strategies are good and usually work well. I know why this is happening, but none of that knowing changes the fact that my child will never see their very much beloved pet, who they raised from a kitten, ever again, if I can't sort this out. And that pressure makes it *worse*. Spiraling cycle of knowing I know better, knowing this is a perfectly reasonable thing to happen *to a person with even well managed OCD*, none of that actually helping the actual situation at hand, stress of that adding to fixation strength, repeat.

I couldn't just let him die. And he absolutely would have. He is alive and slowly recovering because we got him there in time. That was, without question, the right choice.

But because my brain was severely damaged by trauma, and my body is now equally damaged and we lost 80% of our income, that choice may have cost my child one of their best friends.

And I had a procedure on my spine the day before all this happened. I pushed more than I should have just doing the drive to the vet, but I didn't care and I don't regret it. But now I'm stuck in bed, managing maybe 20 steps at a time with hours of rest between attempts. So lots of time to sit and. Well. Spiral. The distraction game isn't going well.

I try so hard to be encouraging and positive, but right now I hate my life so fucking much. It hurts so much, all the time. Sometimes, like now, it's past the breaking point. The pieces will settle and I'll put them back together, but right now I am very much broken.

[thededebean]

His perspective.

It was just as busy as every evening on the subway. All the professionals are getting on and off the train at 5:00 p.m like me.

Most of the men are in their business casual attire, others are smartly dressed in suits and ties. Though definitely outnumbered, there are women leaving work at these hours as well. In order to fit into the 9 to 5 lifestyle downtown everyone has to look their best. I don't fancy myself as a fashion icon but I pay a good tailor to sharply customize my suits. Today is a suit jacket and button up with looser fitting dark slacks.

I hop on the train and find a post to hold on to since all of the seats are taken. I typically zone out after a hard day's work making sales and pushing paper. Corporate stuff.

Luckily there is air conditioning because on this hot summer day even underground, it can get extremely warm with all the people bumping up against each other.

I'm all the way at the end of the Green line so it'll take me about 45 minutes, the perfect amount of time to disassociate.

I let my mind drift thinking about a date I have planned for the weekend. It's always in the air how these things turn out. When I date I date for love and marriage. Though it's been awhile since I've had fun after breaking up with my ex. I reckon I could blow off a bit of steam.

As the train rumbles along, I find myself inhaling an intoxicating lavender.... Or maybe vanilla perfume in my daze. I have the urge to adjust myself, So I do. As I reach down my hand glides against the bottom of the person in front of me. I noticed that my cock has become stiff as I become more aware of my surroundings snapping back to reality.

I look down and notice the back of a blonde woman's head, not much shorter than I.

Realizing this is the person's ass I just grazed against, I lean down to apologize.

She looks back at me smiles and then continues looking forward.

Suddenly the train jolts as we go around a corner, and the blonde in front of me is forced crashing into my body with hers. I could feel our body heat mingle with sparks.

Looking around to see if anybody was in the same predicament, I noted that everyone else had recovered their positions from the jolt. But yet the blonde still kept her body pressed to mine.

I became hyper aware of our body's position over the next several minutes. The train was crammed, but this somehow felt more than circumstantial the way our bodies were pushing into each other.

I was holding the overhead bar but there was no place for the woman to hold on to so I felt like I needed to provide her stability.

I felt her hand grab onto my thigh while she faced forward. She wasn't pushing me backwards away from her. Every time we jostled her fingertips grabbed my body a little tighter.

Looking over her shoulder I found myself being able to see directly down her white button up blouse. Her cleavage didn't fully fill her cups. In each of them I could tell her body was aroused based on their perkiness. Her nipples were pushing through the fabric straight ahead.

Painfully aware my cock had been pressed against her bottom, I pushed my hips into her slightly to assure there is no extra space between us. She continued kneading my thigh and began to push back harder into my hips.

I glanced around at the still full train, No one seemed any wiser that we were occupied with each other.

The motion of the train was hiding or slick body movements cleverly.

At the next train stop in the shuffle of people getting on and off. She turned around to face me and we made eye contact quickly before she blushed and looked away.

She was now pushing her thinly clothed chest into mine. Her hand grasped my belt buckle as the train continued. Surely this would give her better balance. I stepped one foot around her stance to better support her as well. My cock, I could feel was leaking precum and my tummy was tightening with her fingertips grazing the inside of my pants. Every turn and bump she slid more hand inside.

Looking straight ahead my eyes became flittery for a second before reminding myself of composure.

Any second now the blonde could close the gap and have her hand play with me. This was driving me mad. This was so naughty and no one was the wiser around us. She was teasing me in a way I hadn't ever been. I was practically begging for her to touch my cock without saying a word. My hips instinctively started to rock and just as another big jolt happened she lost balance and I grabbed her hips to push her harder into me.

I slowly started to pull up her skirts so my leg could go in between hers now. The further her skirt went up the further her fingers went into my pants. She finally glazed the tip with her soft fingers and teased my cock head. Coating her hand with my pre-fun juice.

Her hips widened and she started to slowly grind on my leg. I bent my knee slightly so she could get a better angle for herself.

She kept her own pace and I could hear her breathing heavier with the friction. She lifted her hand out of my pants and licked her fingers like she had just taken her hands out of a potato chip bag. For all anybody knew that's what she was doing. Rummaging for spuds.

At the next stop, I once again turned her around to face away from me by grabbing her hips and twirling her.

She reached in between us and unzipped her pencil skirt part way down. It was my turn to get touchy inside her clothes.

I quickly moved my hand down the back of her skirt, untucking her thong from her crease. The further my hand went down the more bent forward she became.

I could have tried to straighten out her posture, but by this time I noticed a couple of tall men surrounding us.

I made eye contact with each of them who seemed to hungrily obliged to our goings on. I caught the man directly facing us in front of the blonde gaping down at her chest from his angle.

They were creating a sort of shield around us. I never performed in front of a group before, but this felt protected and mutually beneficial somehow.

I slid my fingers past her asshole and in between her lips. The trains rocking helping my quest to tease her like she did to me.

With her bent forward I was not providing much stability. She grabbed onto the waistbands of two of the gentleman to her sides. No doubt grazing the inside of their pants as well. She started off so shy with me and now held the attention of a blockade of six men.

As I continued to work my digital magic, never piercing her hole, one of the men snarled at me and motioned a thrust in my direction. I glanced around at the rest of the train, unzipped my zipper, pulled out my glistening rod from the hole and positioned myself to her entrance. I let the nature of the train take its course to assist with my penetration.

She was absolutely gushing as I filled her hole. The little slut. Her face was pushing into one of the men. She reached and unzipped his fly, springing his cock into her face. It took her no time to fill her mouth with his member. Just like that, an after work spit roast amongst strangers.

Both of us took turns thrusting into her. And the men on both sides started to use their hands to massage her. One reached underneath her hips and it other into her shirt from what I could see.

I felt her tremble and explode at least three times over the next several minutes.

I quickened my pace as I was getting closer to coming. She was deep throating the man in front, and started to choke as I went faster.

Short quick thrusts deep into her was all I could give and I exploded inside of her on the final thrust.

As we approached my final stop, I pulled out of her. And gave her my pocket square just as I was hopping off the train. As the door closed I noticed another man moving into my position. The train continues on the track back the way we came from. And I wonder...

Did she purposely miss her stop so I could fuck her?

[c0tards--s0luti0n]

suppose there's something else, here, a dangerous design, a way to rectify the balance, when you cross another line, suppose you've hurt your boyfriend, and pride's your greatest sin, suppose you can't remember, where he ends and you begin! your words are too hasty, your self-control poor, you've hurt many people, you'll always hurt more, you need some way to fix it, not prevaricate, but find and banish sin, before it's too late! too late! too late! there are only three people with the genius to try: me, myself, and i!

ambrose? what's going on?

i thought i told you to leave me alone!

what did you do to them? are they dead??

suppose that ancient athletes had a way to alter bone, suppose they wrote past muscle, theres a hardness just like stone! suppose it lets you carve yourself into what you want to be! they all pushed beyond their limits, and surpassed anatomy!

bassford, they can't move. how are you going to explain this to the rest of the school?

you can explain it if you like. im never going to be leaving this room!

ambrose, hey, just- just put down the chisel and come with me..! what are ... what else is there to make perfect?

i didn't think you'd understand! you've never been this close! it's just a bit more off the ankles, or a little off the nose! so my parents and my girlfriend, my closest friends and you, will know i deserve their love, once there's no more work to do! there are only three people who'll be perfect in their eyes, ME, MYSELF, AND I!

suppose you're fucking arrogant, of course i understand! but love isn't conditional, it comes with no demands, suppose you see this thing through, trap yourself inside stone! you can have the perfect body, perfect, dead and alone! just make a body you can live with, and live in it! find someone you're in love with, give in to it! i don't need to be perfect, as long as im theirs, when somebody loves you, then nobody cares!

PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY. PAIN REWIRES EACH INDIGENT NERVE. PAIN KEEPS YOU SANE, MORALS STRAIGHT, SENSES SHARPER, PAIN IS THE LOVE YOU DONT HAVE TO DESERVE! because thats how it starts, in snippets and rivulets, and a growing, glowing feeling, that you can't puzzle out just yet, every gesture a message, every secret a sign, your future's elided, dused with theirs in one line!

so i'm sorry you're lonely! but this torment will pass! and you'll never feel better, if you- fucking die- you stupid ass!

-

so, are we formatting the follow-up interviews the same way as the first round? or are we cutting your introductions?

...

hello? earth to beatrix?

oh! sorry, uh, i think... i think the first one is good.

suppose i made an error, not so easily reversed. lin's never followed through, but maybe this time is the first. suppose he kills someone or dies in an awful fight, and i could've stopped it, would i sleep through the night?

you could always end this, before you lose control, my grandma would tell me, i'll lose half my soul, but im not quite to blame here, that all falls on lin. and without that advantage, there's no chance i'd win. there are only three people to justify why: me, myself, and i!

research means you're all alone, hoping that nobody calls your bluff, stay original, stay true to yourself, but will what you are be good enough? the only limits you can know are your own, so why not push them a bit more? everyone here is an enemy near to earing the thing you've been yearning for!

there are only three people on whom you can rely:

ME,

MYSELF,

AND I!

-

vincent, i-i can't go back, or undo this, or fix it. help me get out of this. a favor- for an old friend!

a token. of my friendship.

bye, ambrose.

-

me, myself, and i!

[lunarsilkscreen]

I had to disown my family

Despite more than a decade of military service that wrecked my health, my parents and grandparents are woefully unaware of the pain I actually went through.

They literally can not believe it. Despite evidence to the truth. But why disown them?

My parents do *not* have a retirement plan. I'm talking about my two biological parents. One, despite being in the military, has no TSP, 401k, nor has he been able to hold down a job.

My mother decided to be a paid parent, not an adoptive parent, a parent who gets paid to exist, and also couldn't hold down a job.

Her trailer is in intense disrepair from neglect.

They both only wanted to keep me around provided I pay them for the privilege. My Aunt and my nearest Grandparents both believe me to be bum, a freeloader, and refuse to believe I have any health issues at all.

The rest of my family is either by marriage or dead.

And so I was placed in a position where I must pay rent to stick around, or buy my own house. Despite a year of financial issues.

My father literally was in the last housing crisis and can't be convinced of the state of housing today, despite the media saying otherwise.

They believe me to be a person who doesn't want to work, has no health issues, and am trash.

And so, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place I'm in no place to help them, without hurting myself further in the long run. Despite trying to punch my pennies to afford a down payment on a house so that I don't need to rent.

They literally hate me because I don't spend extra money on leases and rent, and can't figure out; that's not how you save money.

Because despite everything; they see me as an 18 year old who has never worked in their life. Eternally youthful, and have no reason to be depressed for the way life is.

Because of course; I'm the one who chose to be trans, quit the military (because you don't get an honorable discharge of its medical, their words, not real,) AND I'm the one who chose to rent a place near them because I just wanted to spend time with family while being depressed.

They asked "Why didn't you call us, why did *you* push us away?" When they dropped in unannounced as I was going to appointments for medical and business shit--those stupid costly workshops that didn't help for shit.

When they knew I was going to these appointments *because* I told them.

"Why didn't you ask us for help?"

I did... I did a lot. There was a price for me to pay to be nearest my family, exactly thirty-minutes from everybody so I could help my mom, assist my grandmother, and spend time with my father.

"we didn't ask you to rent that place."

You didn't help me find a better alternative either. So when I finally did ask for help;

It was conditional. It was temporary. Just like it always was.

I didn't ask for help, because you didn't want to give any. And the help you did give ignored the efforts I already did.

You ignored me the whole time... And blamed me for your ignorance.

And so, they said "please leave, or pay us the subscription fee."

They offered me food so that they could complain when I partook. They offered me shelter, so that they could complain I was staying there.

They tried to convince me to spend money on expensive things that wouldn't help me because then "it would look like I was actually trying."

Yea. You know what; I don't need that kind of help.

Because I can't be spending money frivolously if I want to get myself to a better life. If I actually want to start a family.

It's just too fucking bad that your friends and mine, Yea, acquaintances maybe; felt obligated to take advantage of me.

And you; won't ever at least think I tried, no matter how much effort I put in.

No matter how many people in Iraq I've killed.

No matter how my body breaks.

No matter how many people decide that they want to take advantage of me.

No matter what I do; I'm no more than a decoration in your lives. And so, I don't need you. But then again; you weren't going to leave me anything anyway.

And all I really wanted was some good memories you can burn everything valuable for all I care.

[walkintrafficjam]

The Productivity Hellscape

I have a really bad habit. Before each semester start, I'll say, "I'm going to take it easy this time" but I never do. In fact, in one of my semesters, I took 18 units w/ extracurricular activities. Same thing in senior year of high school. I took 3 AP classes while working at Starbucks.

Do you ever feel like you're not advancing fast enough? I overwork because I feel inadequate. "Everyone is so much more talented and better than me," I think, "Gotta shove 4 extra jobs down my throat so I can feel like I'm good enough." Honestly if my body didn't literally crumble, I would do it.

I'm almost impressed by it. I have literally work on my homework in the Emergency Room. Even near death, I probably would still work on my homework. Even in my after life, I would send an email to my teacher to apologize for being dead... because I didn't complete my homework.

You get the point.

truth be told, I wasn't always like this. In fact, I was raised and trained like this. When I was a kid, my teacher would praised the kids who did well. Our school work differently than in America. Our final year test grading scale is based on mistakes. You have 10 points. Every mistakes is -1 point. Once you make 4 mistakes, you're out of the game. As in, good luck repeating the whole school year again. I was slap and hit too. Even simple "mistake" like not coloring my picture in kindergarten granted a punishment.

As I grow up, I grown a distain for myself. Even when I wasn't actively punish anymore, the idea of not being perfect in school still give me great amount of stress. I am like a battered dog who was still chained to an abandoned post. I couldn't unravel myself from my conditioning.

Helpful Tips that help me slow down

Life in itself is joy: I always thought to myself if I slave away right now then I'll be happier in the future. Once I score straight As in my high school years, I'll be happier when I am in college. If I work hard and get a good paying job THEN I'll be happy. I realize each stage of my life, I was pushing that carrot on the stick further and further down. The truth is I should prioritize my happiness NOW and for the future. I am worthy just by existing. I don't need to prove my worth to become happy.

If it doesn't work a couple of few times, then I should try something else: One of my mentor said this. It sounds so simple yet I am caught in the trap of thinking if I have my willpower this time then It would work. Think of your new year resolution that you never complete. The one that you tell yourself each year it would be different but it didn't. Perhaps switch up your framework or tactic. The current method might not be working for you.

Scheduling in Hobby and De-stress activities. Again, sounds quite simple. Yet, my calendar is always fill with things that I have to do rather than I want to do. Recently, I kept a to-do list of tasks I want to do for fun. For example, Reading a book about audio mixing at a library, making a workout regime specifically to become a super cool buff boom operator/Grip, or study at this one cafe that have really good smoked salmon toast (all of this sounds really nerdy I know). For me, these all the thing I do to treat myself.

What do I want right now? I checked in with my body a lot because when we're on our phone or being busy we neglect our body. I'll tune in to see what my body wants. Maybe, it wants to stretch or cook some food to destress.

I am gonna work a little bit of homework now to help my future self. To curb my procrastination, I would take small step towards my homework. I have this habit of either not doing it or doing it super last minute. I hate working because it feels like I have to complete the whole thing. Lately, I have been framing it as me helping to lighten the homework load when I do procrastinate last minute. It won't stop me from finishing my work near deadline but it definitely makes it feel more manageable and less destructive.

The Aftermath:

I am better at balancing work now. Also, I am actually pursuing something that I am interested in! It makes hard work feel rewarding rather than out of obligation. Still a perfectionist but this whole blog is supposed to help with that! I am doing well so no need to worry about me! I hope the tips can be beneficial to you.

Any WIP?

I have a script idea! I haven't write them down yet but I basically have an outline of it. I am super proud of the it as well! I just have to start actually doing it T_T

Getting the script into film will be hard. I hope to one day make it though.

A lot of words today. And there's still a lot of points that I didn't get to. Anyhow, see you next time! Have a great week.

[oh-holy-slut]

Bloodlust

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x fem!reader

Warnings: smut, explicit language, blood sharing, mentions of death, oral sex

Word Count: 2,6k

Summary: Stefan forced Damon to try his animal diet. Damon hated it, but didn't had a choice... until Reader makes a suggestion. Suddenly things get steamy.

Being with Damon was complicated. Him and Y/N have seen each other a lot in the past weeks. The two of them had a lot of fun; saw a lot of movies. Actually, Y/N was sure Damon secretly hated many of those. However, anytime Y/N suggested another dramatic, romantic cliché movie like "Last Song" - the vampire groaned, put his arm around her shoulder, let her head rest on his chest and endured every single second of the movie of her choice.

Damon even flirted and teased Y/N here and there, but didn't lead to anything more intimate so far.

Today was another of those days. Y/N stuck around at the Salvatore boarding house, brought a few of Damon's favorite groceries and a bunch of movies, of which she thought that they will suit his taste. Even if they were a little to bloody and brutal in her opinion.

"Pick one!", she demanded, holding all three Blu-ray sleeves in front of him. Damon just shrugged, not bothering to even look.

"Don't be a killjoy, Damon Salvatore!" Y/N sighed.

"Tell me what's wrong or pick a movie. You've got no choice. And besides that... Which number of drink is this?" Y/N frowned, pointing at the liquor in her friends hand. Damon usually consumed his beloved bourbon with pleasure.

But the man on the couch didn't seem pleasured at all. His facial features totally hardened and a look in his eyes like he was ready to rip someone's heart out.

You put the disc's back in your handbag, closing the zipper and put the bag on the floor.

"Fine. No movie night today. Who are we going to kill?"

A small smirk appeared on Damon's lips, finally looking towards Y/N.

"Stefan and his hero hair. He made me go vegetarian... well, for a vampire... and I can't get myself to eat one of those chipmunks, bunnies or bambis." He shook himself with disgust.

"And why did he count you in? You clearly aren't excited about the changing... So, why did you agree?"

"He said, he would kill me, which is kinda funny. But-" Damon made a wide gesture "he stole my daylight ring. And he wouldn't give it back until I stop feeding on innocent people - and kill them."

"So, you truly let your younger brother blackmail you like that?! Wow... I don't know how to feel about your dieting or your new path. Or whatever this is supposed to be."

"You don't like me killing people either", Damon maintained, while taking another sip of bourbon.

"Well, I don't", Y/N agreed, took a step forward, stole the glass from the vampires hand and put it on a small table nearby. "But I don't believe in forcing as a method to get people to change their minds. I believe that change for the better must be an intrinsic motivation," she added quickly, giving the vampire an innocent smile.

Damon's lineaments suddenly turned from annoyed to curious. "Any suggestions, little one?" The vampire raised an eyebrow and a little smirk showed up on his lips. On the one hand, Y/N blushed over the nickname, Damon called her.  On the other hand she felt skittish looking forward to making a deal with him. Not only a deal. It's far more than a simple agreement.

It's Y/N, actually giving Damon a part of her. The red elixir of life. She was about to give him total control of her body and she not even for a heartbeat doubt that Damon will use it against her.

"Actually... Yeah. There's something on my mind." Y/N said chewing on your lip. "I could open up a vein for you. I mean, you could feed on me. And since you have my permission, there's nothing for anybody to have objection about."

Damon frowned and gave her an incredulous look. "You would do that for me?" The vampire couldn't believe, he understood correctly. Why would Y/N want to get involved with him feeding on her? What's in it for her? Damon tried hard to connect the dots, but he wasn't able to. It all seemed to make no sense. Y/N wouldn't have an advantage of that. The vampire hesitated, pinning his dangerously blue eyes on the girl in front of him.

"Is it so suspicious of me, that I'm trying to help my closest friend?" It pierced Y/N's heart, realizing, Damon's trust in her was rather fragile. "Never mind", she waved the pain away and forced herself to keep her composure. "I only had a hasty idea; you really don't need to fee-"

Suddenly Damon appeared behind Y/N, using his vampirism. "Shhhh", he whispered softly. "I never said, that I don't want your blood. I'm thinking about if we are going to cross a line? Blood sharing can be very personal..."

"It can be? It is personal already. Believe it or not - I'm not gonna offer my veins to all the vampires of Mystic Falls." Y/N rolled her eyes, her arms folded on her chest to point out the indignation she felt right now.

"Kinda sensitive today, huh?" Damon gently stroke a strand of hair behind her ear, Y/N could hear this smug smirk through his words. It was a true 'Damon thing' to do. "I didn't mean it like that, princess." He sighed; unsure if he should agree or not. Damon didn't want to act selfish towards Y/N. He compelled a lot of girls for the purpose of drinking blood in the past. He literally used them as long as they weren't too annoying - and then he acted like they have never met. Damon Salvatore couldn't imagine this scenario with Y/N. They've been so close, the vampire couldn't stand loosing her. The offer was risky, but it also could bring each other even closer.

Damon tried hard to avoid any serious attraction between Y/N and him, afraid of messing up. Indeed, he found himself thinking, and even dreaming, about Y/N more than he wanted to admit. She was smart and had this special sense of humor, the vampire adored so much. She was the only one, who could make him feel good no matter what. Needless to say she had that glimmer in her eyes, when she did something she truly loved. In these moments she was even more pretty. Y/N was hard to resist.

And maybe now he could have her like nobody else. At least the vampire gave in. He wanted her blood. He wanted her.

Y/N flinched by the feeling of Damon brushing her neck with his lips.  "Oh, Damon", she gasped. "Bite me." Y/N almost begged for the vampire's teeth breaking through her skin. Damon loved the sound of her husky voice. In less than a heartbeat he turned into his vampire shape. "If you insist", he grinned devilishly, ready to place his teeth on to her skin.

Suddenly Y/N made a slight move forward with the intention to interrupt her friend. "Did you change your mind?" Damon was close to switching back to human, overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. Mostly a lack of understanding, but also a little of disappointment and even anger. Was Y/N playing games on him? While Damon Salvatore was sorting feelings, Y/N turned around, standing now in front of him.

She was so close, not even a piece of paper would fit between them.

Y/N slightly exhaled breath, her eyes darting between the vampires eyes and lips. It was the first time Y/N saw him like this. The icy blue of his eyes, she loved so much, has turned darker. Purple veins appeared under his eyes; Y/N couldn't help herself. Damon's appearance fully intoxicated every fibre of her being. Her fingertips found their way gently brushing over his dark purple veins. She felt heat and softness, while tracing one of them.  It took her a few seconds to get out of trance, realizing what she had done. "Sorry", she murmured with a voice barely audible. "Don't apologize, little one." Damon tilted his head, his lips curled up in a self-assured grin, exposing a perfectly white vampire fang. "I never saw you like this before, you loo-"

"... look like a monster?"

Y/N shook her head. It was nothing like that. Yes, he did look unfamiliar. And she should be scared under normal conditions. Instead, his look hit her in an unexpected way. He looked hotter as a vampire, if it was even possible. 

Y/N cleared her throat, looking up at Damon. "I feel... attracted to you."

"So nothing's changed", Damon teased, raising his eyebrows. The girl in front of him softly slapped him on his shoulder; which was only possible because the vampire permitted. "You are always so full of yourself." She smirked, feeling more confident being to something, they have had been so many times before. Granted, he was terrifying accurate, but she wouldn't serve her feelings on a silver platter.

"I'm still into it. You can bite me; feed on me. I only needed to see you before..." 

A shockwave of electricity flowed through her body the second Damon took her hand and pulled her close.

"I'll be careful", he promised, nuzzling his head into the nap of her neck. Damon once again placed his lips on her soft skin. 

Suddenly a harsh pain made Y/N feel like in a kind of haze. She flinched and let out a groan at the same time, unintentionally biting her lower lip. 

During Damon embedded his fang deeper and deeper, she started feeling dizzy. Her hands searched for the vampires upper body, finally wrapped around his neck. She needed him to lean on. A narrow trickle of blood flowed down her neck. Let Damon feed on her felt like flames licking up every fiber of her body. 

With every passing second Y/N could feel her control slip away. Her body was now firmly pressed against Damon's, like she would want to merge them into one.

Damon noticed her staggering, wrapped his arms around her waist, supporting her.

Bloodlust already messed up the vampires mind, so he continued feeding on Y/N.

A tempting moan escaped her lips, but she didn't care to cover up. Y/N's heart was racing, her eyes flattering. It was almost as if he was about to push her over the edge, but in a different way. "Mmm, this...this… feels soo weird... and so good...", she whispered under a shallow breath.

As soon as Damon heard her fading voice, he abruptly

quitted drinking from her.

"Fuck!" He rapidly laid her on his lap and checked Y/N's vital signs, to make sure she was okay. Instinctively he bit his wrist, pressed it against Y/N's mouth. He knew his blood would heal her, but it wasn't going fast enough. A few seconds passed through, to him they felt like centuries. Y/N finally blinked and Damon was relieved. He cupped her cheeks, his gaze never leaving hers. "I thought, I'd gone-" Damon cleaned his throat. "I'm so glad, you are doing well", he whispered, while trailing her lips with his fingertips. "So, fuckin' glad..." The vampire exhaled a deep breath. 

"It... You made me feel good. Strange, but good", Y/N appeased and flushed over the memory. "Maybe you got a little carried away, but I don't mind. I wouldn't trade the feeling for anything."

Y/N quickly interrupted herself, before she could reveal too much.

However, Damon used his vampire skills, noticing that Y/N was hiding something from him. "Isn't there anything else you want me to know?", Damon asked without taking his eyes off her. Y/N shifted and flushed even more. "It's unfair. You use your vampirism to get everything out of me."

"Well, if that were the case, I could easily compel you." Damon shrugged and found back to his smugly self. "Tell me, what you are hiding". He said in a seductive voice.

"I wanted to get lost in you."

Her confession sent shivers all over the vampires body. At first he could not decide, how to handle this. "Are you sure that's what you want? I could really hurt you..." Y/N hummed.

In the next split second, Damon pinned Y/N against a wall, smashing his lips on hers, kissing her with all the passion he had to give. The vampire devoured Y/N with a new kind of hunger. He didn't know he could crave someone so much.

"Fuck me, Damon..."

The vampire felt him getting hard, only by hearing those little three words out of her mouth.

"Say it louder. Tell me, what you want me to do."

Y/N pulled him closer, gently biting his earlobe.

"Fuck... me, Damon." It took her a second to focus and forming the words again. After she was near to climax earlier, it wasn't a long way getting to the edge once more. "Make me cum... You almost had me there..."

A deep moan got over the vampires lips, once he understood, what Y/N was trying to tell him.

With the next blink Y/N found herself in Damon's bedroom, lying on his bed.

From now on there weren't many words needed. Damon's hand's found their way under her shirt, cupping her breasts and make her moan over and over again.

He closely listened to the rhythm of her heart, making sure he would be able to delay her climax to the point he needed her to.

"Don't cum yet... I want to taste your little pussy first."

Y/N grabbed the vampires head, running her fingers through his dark hair - pushing him down, since she was unable to form a single word.

As Damon got down, he didn't take his eyes off Y/N.

He used a hand pushing up her skirt and lightly stroking over her panties with his fingertips.

"My girl is so wet", he praised in a low husky voice."-and I barely touched you."

His dirty words in combination with his touch lead to another moan, almost turned into a scream.

Damon pushed the fabric aside, leaving sloppy kisses on the inside of her thighs.

Y/N's eyes fluttered, when his soft lips reached her middle.

Damon's tongue licking around her entrance was driving her nuts.

"...so delicious..." were the only words she was able to catch up. Damon knew, he couldn't thrill her forever, so he got back to her. He spit on his palms, stroking his hand over his crotch. In under a second Y/N finally felt this releasing pressure of his cock. It was like a switch went off in her brain and she braced herself for the hard thrusts that would follow.

Damon dimmed the whining noises Y/N made with a passionate, hungry kiss.

He cheated with his vampirism to give it to her deeper and faster, knocking out all the air of her lungs while Y/N screamed out Damon's name. Her walls clenched around him and made him twitch. It was like her pussy massaged his dick the best way possible.

Every time he hit her harder and rougher he was making sure he hit her spot with every thrust.

Damon gathered speed one last time and pushed her over the edge until she was a moaning whimpering mess.

With her last contraction around his shaft, Damon was cumming inside her.

"You are so tight, little one", he whispered under his breath. "We should make arrangements more often."

Please like or/and reblog if you enjoyed reading or/and want me to write more stories about Damon.

Thanks guys ❤️

[jointimeandspace]

This story was based on such a beautiful drawing by JvdB_art on Twitter. Source at the end.

You Have Me Forever

Three weeks was how long it had been since you went into a coma. Three quiet, painful weeks. Alcina missed your laughter, your feet pattering on the carpet, and the way you'd scream with joy when you were playing with her girls. The only sounds coming from the castle was the rain hitting the window panes; the large stacks of firewood crackling in the hearth. Alcina felt guilty, something that hasn't happened to her in a long time.

She sat at the large bay window that was in her room looking out at the village below. She hadn't eaten. Her pale skin was more cracked than it had usually been and a constant flow of tears wouldn't stop running from her eyes. "Why does everything have to be so difficult?" she said to herself. She looked over to you on her bed. No sign of movement from you yet. She leaned back on the wall with an exasperated sigh. She'd give anything for you to wake up. With Alcina's large size, it usually came with a few problems. One night, when you and her were making love, she drank from you. "Not a terrible way to go out," you always thought, and you had already done it many times before. However, Alcina took a bit much than she normally had and you passed out. She expected you to wake up after a couple of hours of night's sleep; when you didn't come down for breakfast or lunch that next day, panic set in. Nothing would stir you so she sent for Mother Miranda. She was relieved when Miranda said you were still alive, but she didn't know how long it would be until you woke up. Upon her inspection and running tests, she found out you had diabetes. During your activities, you sugar became low. You hadn't told Alcina, which was a foolish gesture on your part; you had been showing signs of low sugar but chose to ignore them.

Alcina stared into the fire as her memories went back to those first 3 days prior to the incident. Everytime she tried to forget, the memory came back stronger and more vivid than ever.

"Did you know about this Alcina? It's not like you to be so careless with your...pets."

"No, most reverent Mother. I didn't! Why she didn't tell me I don't know."

Alcina at the time did not know (and after all, how could she), that while in your coma, you un(f)ortunately could still here everything. You wanted to spring from the bed and protect your mistress, but you were helpless.

"Hmm!"

Mother Miranda turned back to you and walked toward your side of the bed. You couldn't see, but you could hear the condescending tone in her voice, and only imagined that a mix of malice and amusement ran across her face. She had Alcina under her thumb. Miranda knew all the right and wrong ways to push her buttons, and Alcina knew this, especially when it came to people she loved.

"Oh, Alcina! I'm so disappointed! You should've know what disease ailed her when you drank from her for the first time. Or have your senses started to fail you? Maybe I need to run a few more tests on you; get you back to tip-top shape. I can't let my favorite child falter, now can I? You'll let me know if her condition worsens."

Alcina took in a shuddering breath, trying to compose herself. She dared herself to not look weak in front of Miranda.

"Of course, Mother. Thank you!"

With that, Miranda shut the door and you two were alone again. She waited until the front door closed, and then she fell to her knees and wept. To hear her crying and not being able to move to comfort her was terrifying and heartbreaking. You were determined to make it through no matter what.

"Mama?"

Alcina came out of her daydream when Daniela appeared with a bottle of Sanguine Virginis in hand.

"Mama? Please eat! You don't want to get sick....you'll start turning."

Alcina looked back out the window. With a flick of her wrist, she signaled Daniela to set the bottle down. Daniela, always the intuitive one, went to sit beside her.

"Mama, it's not your fault. Certain ailments are hard to pick up sometimes. You'd have to have the same type of blood over and over again for at least a few years before you figure out which ailment is which. We've had so many types that even I can't differentiate plain from diseased. Staleness, though... we can always tell for sure," she chuckled. "Don't beat yourself up."

Alcina brought her hand to Daniela's cheek. Her baby was always there to comfort her whenever she needed. No wonder she took an interest in you. You always reminded her so much of Daniela.

"Thank you, darling! Go be with your sisters. I think they're looking for you."

Daniela nodded as she gave her mama a kiss and then disappeared in a smattering of flies. Alcina got up and moved to the bed so she could be near to you; she distanced herself for too long.

You looked liked Sleeping Beauty to her, waiting to be kissed. She got down on her knees to have a better look at you and took your hand.

"Oh, draga mea, why didn't you tell me? I would've been so careful."

You felt her kiss your hand- that was new! You couldn't feel any touch for awhile. Now, it felt like your entire body loosening up as if you were being thawed out. You slowly moved your toes and could feel the sheets hitting them. Your body was waking up. You were about to try to speak, but Alcina's voice rang out once more.

"Please, draga! Come back to me. I'll never be so careless again. Mother is right! I should've known, as long as I've been drinking blood. I always push, and push others until I break them. I told myself I'd be careful with you, and now here I am, praying for you to wake." Alcina sobbed, "I love you so much and don't want to lose you!"

She laid her head down on your arm as you felt the tears run down your fingers. Before you knew it, you opened your eyes and looked around the room. It was dark except for the fireplace. You rotated your head a bit and lifted your right arm. You felt stiff and tired, but you were determined to touch her- to comfort her. You looked down at Alcina, whispering silent prayers in your hand. To see her so soft, so vulnerable, and scared, was enough to shatter your soul. You reached over and ran your fingers through her hair. She stopped and looked at you, the light returning to her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere! You have me forever. And I promise, none of this was your fault. I should have told you, but I didn't want to burden you with my issues. They've always been manageable, but I guess I should've listened to my body before we started that night. I neglected to take care of myself. Plus, I didn't tell you because I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore; that I wasn't clean enough..."

Alcina silenced you with a deep kiss. How you missed her touch, her eyes, the pleasure that you two shared together. She kissed your face, your neck, hands and fingers. She was so happy to have her darling back. She brought your hand up to her face once more, kissing it and breathing in your sent. "Thank you, sweetheart," she said.

"Thank you for coming back to me. You too, shall always have me forever. And never, will I ever, not want you. You'll always be divine to me. My most precious little one."

[songmingisthighs]

!! A N N O U N C E M E N T !!

hewwow I'm. . . back :3

so things has been crazy since friday and y'all know i'm very open about my condition and about what happened to me so imma try to keep this... 'simple'

full disclosure : i am not blaming anyone or trying to push blame or trying to guilt trip anyone, I'm just sharing my story.

tw : anxiety attack, suicide attempt, mentions of a mental health facility, drug abuse (?), bad mental condition, mental disorders, etc. idk lmao sorry. read at your own discretion.

so i done fucked up. the prank i pulled backfired and i hurt some people badly. at first i didn't know they were genuinely hurt so i didn't think much of it but then they really showed how disappointed and affected they were and that freaked me out. I tried reaching out and everything but of course they needed time to like take a breath and just think, recuperate, etc. but the silence in the server really freaked me out and I had an anxiety attack. the worst one in the past two years for sure. i slipped and hit my head hard that i needed to go to the hospital lmao.

and after the check up, me and some family members who accompanied me walked home (because literally the hospital is next to my apartment) and i kinda almost yeet myself in front of an incoming truck out of impulse. after that i kinda did another attempt and my family considered either putting me in a suicide watch or just permanently ship me off to like a facility. thank fuck they didn't or else i would never be online ever again.

since then i've had 2 other attempts during the night and my anxiety didn't go away. I had to down an entire bottle of nyquill to sleep.

but the situation became better the next day but i'm already tits deep in depression and my anxiety was still there and like it was just a whole ass circus in my head, fucking ridiculous ngl.

even now i'm still struggling with my mental state. that one even sent me into a deep spiral and I couldn't escape. I had had multiple panic attacks on top of my anxiety attacks, i'm anhedonic, depressed, and that depression evolved into insecurity, body image issues, my bulimia, self-depreciating tendencies, intrusive thoughts, and other things that really put a halt to me being productive.

anywho, i'm REALLY sorry for not updating, I just really couldn't find the strength to pretend like i wasn't affected and that i could function.

i will try to update tonight, it might be slightly later or maybe i backed out because i'm scared and i'll post tomorrow instead. but i'm gonna try.

I hope you guys are still here waiting for me. i know that's like a lot to ask and like, why would y'all ?? but it's just a small hope.

see y'all in the next post <3

- smt

[infernalrevenge]

I've already asked about Karl taking care of Donna, what about reverse version? I'm trying to write something similar for myself and maybe something like this would help me inspired myself 😁 💕✨

YEAH MAN, I GOTCHU!! Always love a good comfort piece anyway :P Hopefully these headcanons help you with whatever you want to come up with (and I also hope this didn't come out TOO late, but it probably did considering my months-long semi-hiatus OOF)

------------

First things first, as concerned as Donna would be for Karl in this situation..... she has no idea what to do.

Between the two of them, she was usually the more "sickly" one, so Karl was well-versed in taking care of her. Furthermore, he's always prided himself with having a tougher immune system, being exposed to different elements so often.

So when he did get sick, he got hit hard. So much so that not even Mother Miranda knew exactly what was wrong with him, but all she knew was that it wasn't life-threatening and that was good enough for her to do the bare minimum and not be worried.

Not Donna though! She may not have much experience taking care of another human before, but it doesn't mean she won't try! She was not going to leave her beau hanging in his time of need!!

She goes to the Duke for supplies and advice. She knows he's not a medical professional by any means, but he's one of the few people she can actually talk to and considers a friend (of sorts). And well, she was already there so why not?

Once she makes it to his room in the factory, Karl thought it was his grogginess that made him see a big blurry mess of a vision burst inside. But no, it was just Donna with an army's worth of medicine and other necessities for him.

Didn't she have dolls she could mind-control to help her carry all that? How did she even carry all that by herself???

It was very hard to put everything down quietly, knowing that the man was very sensitive to noise then, with a headache so intense he could barely spare a second to open his eyes and unfurrow his brow.

Donna got to work right away, bringing out balms and oils to hopefully help in relaxing him. She got to work on massaging his temples, rubbing them down with a soothing balm and whispering sweet affirmations to her love -- that she was here now, and that she was going to do whatever it took to make him feel better.

Somehow knowing that Donna was there to take care of him helped ease something inside Karl. At least it was someone who didn't completely hate his guts (and someone whom he actually trusted. A rare breed around these parts.)

The rest of the day went by rather slowly for Karl. Seeing Donna move back and forth between his room and god knows where else, he felt a little bad leaving her to do so much work. But every time he tried to get up, Angie, whom she brought along, would (gently) push him back down to lie on the bed.

Imagine being too weak to fight a damn doll. That's how bad his condition was.

When his fever started easing up later in the night, Donna made the executive decision to stay over so she can check up on him and definitely not so she has an excuse to cuddle next to him in bed. Not at all.

Karl wasn't opposed to the suggestion at all, quietly scooting over and opening his blanket up just enough to let the woman in. Maybe it was him still recovering but he had never seen Donna move so fast. She was at his side in an instant.

It didn't take long for Karl to fall asleep, and the last thing he remembered -- aside from the taste of medicine still lingering in his mouth -- was the weight of Donna's head on his chest, an arm over his waist as she helped warm up his fevered body.

It was the best sleep either of them have had in years.

(Donna probably finds herself sick the next week because of this, so it's time for Karl to return the favor.)

[iplaywithstring]

I'm still thinking about how culture/medical advice defaults to "do more exercise/activity" and how harmful that is to people with exercise intolerance or any condition that requires limiting activity. It's hard to get able bodied people (including medical professionals) to understand that being active makes it worse. It's also so hard on so many chronically ill people because it's a constant reminder of what we can't do. I've never been super fit. I grew up with really bad asthma and spent most of my life obese. Still, for most of my life I didn't think twice about walking 5-10 km any time I wanted. 5km to a friend's house in high school. 6km to the restaurant across town in university. 10km hike on the weekend. Plus working retail and standing all day. Plus going for hour long walks just because I wanted to. I had a remission from my ME/CFS after the first year. I recovered well enough that I was almost back to "normal" - well enough that I was bored. I took up weightlifting. I loved it. It was good for my mental health and my body image and I felt like a badass. I would lift 2-3 times a week AND walk 5km 3 times a week and I worked a part time job on my feet. Until I couldn't. Until I skipped walking on work days or had to call in sick every other week. I had to stop lifting because sometimes I'd fail thon my warmup. It wasn't safe to keep trying. I stopped working. I told my doctor that sometimes when I was walking I had to stop halfway through or it was really hard to make it home sometimes. She told me to switch to shorter walks. It was the right advice, but it hurt. It still hurts. I want to do so many things, and I can't. It's not safe for me. But then family and friends and culture and everyone who isn't my doctor tells me to try and just do a little more. It'll feel good. And yeah, as I'm doing it, it does often feel good. But then after, I pay for it. It hurts. I am constantly pushing against the edge of my limits. I am always doing as much as I think I can, and often I pay for it later. It's so hard for me to relax or to rest or to not do any activity, because there's always this voice in my head telling me it's good for me - maybe I am just lazy. Maybe I do just need to work on my endurance. Maybe it will get better. My baseline - the amount of activity I can do on a regular basis - has lowered over the years because of times I have pushed myself. It's literally harmful, and I know it, and I still end up pushing. Because I want to be normal, or be social, or fight back the voice in my head that I'm not doing enough. I just wish people understood how hard it is for us to manage going through life like this.

[bokettochild]

Asks it is then. And apologies in advance for swears and text wall.

First some background info, because I believe the context might help. For me, the main cause of my issue is what we suspect is a condition called EDS, which means my body don't produce collagen (is it even called that in English?) as it should which is basically the body's "glue" that helps holding joints and stuff together. As a result my joints are over-flexible, I bruise easily and shed a lot of hair, and because of my "loose" joints my muscles have to work all the time which in turn makes them tense, achey and leaves me permanently tired, just to mention the big things. But it's mostly the joints.

Unfortunately there's no quick fix, but on really bad days heating items helps, or wearing supporting items (wrapping gauze around the shitty joint can help but be careful then to not do it too tight). Also don't forget painkillers exist for a reason, even if one should be careful to not eat to many.

But the long term thing that have made things ease up a bit is strength training. The purpose is to make the muscles both stronger and shorter to help limiting the joints movement range (also it gets the blood pumping which helps oxygen reach achy parts better which help with bruises and shit). I also have to avoid stretching for the same reason. And when I warm up I have to be gentle and I know some with the same issues who have been instructed to do minor stretching or light yoga as a warm up. Also, with our condition, we were ordered by our respective physio therapists to cut the training short if we feel either too tired too fast or if it's our joints instead of our muscles that ache during training. To quote my PT: If your muscles ache a bit during training that's fine because it means you're pushing your limits and getting stronger. If your joints hurt something is wrong and exercising the nearby muscles then will only make it worse. Try with less weight and/or fewer reps etc, or do a different excercise for a bit.

I mean, ngl I've always hated exercise because it have always caused me pain (as in from when I was a little kid, I just didn't get that wasn't normal), and going to the gym or a swimmingpool makes me feel pathetic because even if I know I have a different situation from those strangers I still compare myself with them (and during the pt-hours it was me and a bunch of 75+ years olds which did double psycic damage). But once I learned what to focus on and think about when I train I can do it from home and that helped.

Also massages can help. And if you don't have anyone who can help using a tennis ball etc and lying on it on the floor etc might work.

So, uh, if this sounds like anything that might be similar to what you're dealing with I can try to describe some easier exercises or try to find some videos for you?

-🦉

Thank you so much!

I have tried some light yoga in the past, but that was before anything to major started popping up. Nowadays, getting excercise time is hard, but maybe I'll try working it in.

I don't know anyone who would help message ways, since I'm the family masseuse, but I might try that tenis ball thing you suggested!

Thank you so much, Owl!

[treasure-hwa]

Beauty of Corruption

pairing: jongho x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff??

warnings: mentions of first time, corruption kink, praising, light spanking, cockwarming, breath play, dirty talk, fingering (f receiving), explicit protected sex

synopsis: you were so pure that Jongho's heart ached for you and wanted to keep you safe from all profanities, but his mind could just picture himself doing these profanities to you.

word count: 3204

taglist: @little-precious-baby @suni-ho @leetaeilsnecktattoo @xduygu-arsx

author's note: the inspiration came from Jongho's words on I'm the One jacket video, "for the first time, I put myself in the words 'beauty of corruption'." What's with this word count? I really unleashed my smut writer :D anyway, I hope there isn't any typo...

— So how was he?

Your eyes went wide and your face heated up instantly.

— What are you talking about?

— C’mon, you know what I am talking about. You two have been dating for almost two years now and you lost your virginity, as a good friend, I want to know how he treated you.

It hadn't been long since you and Jongho added intercourse to your one and a half year relationship. Both of you felt ready to take this step on your intimacy and, when it happened, you couldn't be happier. But maybe it was a mistake to tell that to your best friend, you wanted to tell so many things, but the embarrassment!

— Ah, he... he was good. Took care of me nicely.

— And the...? — She moved her two pointer fingers apart from each other to simulate a size that looked similar to you.

— A little bigger. — With your face on fire, you pushed one of her fingers farther. — That’s it.

The girl stared at her own fingers and gasped, smirking at the friend.

— What a big fun you had, am I right? Were you in for a thick mess too?

— Yes, but stop, please!

She laughed at your figure with hands over your face.

— But, really, how was it?

— It was great. He was the gentlest, it was much better than what I have imagined it would be. I’m actually very happy he was the first and I hope he can be the only one.

The smile on your face confirmed what you were saying. It was amazing to you how you fully trusted him, enough to give yourself to him, your heart, your body, and he loved you so much he took care of it properly. Jongho was the sweetest man you could have ever met and everyday you were thankful for that.

— So it was, like, vanilla?

— Yeah. Gentle, chill, vanilla, definitely pleasurable. — You bit your lip, playing with your fingers.

Since your first time, you would often catch yourself daydreaming about his body on top of (or under) you, his many muscles flexing, the sweat covering his skin. Jongho also thought about you frequently, how you would muffle the moans of his name, hide your blushing face and touch him gently.

As a traditional virgin, you did not know much about sex, just the basic biology classes and life taught you, so your boyfriend made sure you were comfortable with every move he made. 

With that said, you were pure. So pure that sometimes Jongho's heart ached for doing such profanities to you. It seemed wrong. You looked cute, pretty and shy even when you were a mess, even when he was thrusting into you. But there was something the man couldn't get out of his mind: while he wanted to protect you from bad and dirty things, he, all the time, imagined himself wrecking you. However, his desires were nothing close to the love he felt for you and you did not deserve the bad things he was thinking of, so he kept all to himself, fantasizing only.

Well... your mind changed a little after an interesting talk with your friend, who had 0 experience, but a head full of indecencies she would like to try eventually, and you wanted to try some new things on the next opportunity.

That came on Saturday date night, when you two decided to watch movies on your house, that was significantly quieter and more peaceful than his shared one with other friends. Judging only by the cover of the movie, Jongho pressed play on it, even after you expressed doubts for it being a horror one. 

— Jongho, you know I hate horror movies. 

— Babe, it's alright, it's all fake, and I'm here to protect you. 

“Maybe I could try one of those things she told me now.” You thought about it deeply, but the words came out of your mouth before you could really think about them: 

— I have a condition. 

— Hm? Which one? 

Then your cheeks burned. Why did you say that? Why didn't you just stay shut? You were too shy to tell him what has been on your mind for the past week. 

— I'm listening, babe, tell me. — His hand caressed your knee and he leaned towards to press a kiss on your cheek. 

Taking a deep breath, you mumbled, deciding you had nothing to lose: 

— Let me cockwarm you.

His moves stopped at the same moment, face close to yours, hand lightly gripping your thigh.

— Wh-What?

— Cockwarm. Have you heard of it?

— Yeah, I... I just didn’t know you did.

You shrugged your shoulders and stood up, hands on the tie of your sweatshorts.

— So? Can we?

Jongho blinked at your figure, looking at your bare legs for more time than necessary, his member twitching inside his sweatpants, and nodded, pulling his pants down enough to take his cock out. He watched you, almost teasingly, pulling your shorts down and doing the same with your blue cotton panties, mindlessly stroking himself. To be honest, he felt like he was a teen again, getting horny by every little thing you did, enjoying every opportunity he had to get intimate like this with you.

You placed your shorts and panties on the couch arm and smiled nervously at him, cheeks burning and hands fiddling with the hem of your mid-thigh-long shirt.

— Are you sure you want to do that?

You nodded.

— That’s my condition for watching a horror movie.

— Fuck. Come here. — The man took you by your waist and placed you on his lap, back to his chest. His hands roamed your body slowly, from shoulders to knees, squeezing the flesh of your bare thighs, opening them to run his fingertips through your warm skin. Then, he whispered on your ear: — Are you ready?

Again, you nodded, and he put his half-hard cock in you, groaning lowly until he was snuggled against you.

— Okay, great... now movie, shall we?

The first minutes, when there was nothing bad happening on the story, you rested on Jongho’s chest, his strong arms wrapped around you and chin resting on your shoulder. That until he got bored of sitting and, hugging you tightly, moved you both to lay down spooning you both without breaking that contact.

— You okay? — You asked lowly, caressing his arm.

— Yeah, just wanted to lay down. Pay attention to the movie, dear. — He kissed your head and kept watching the movie as if nothing was going on down there.

More minutes passed, the story getting scarier each second, your hand covering half of your sight, because even scared, you wanted to know what would happen.

Then it happened. A big jump scare that made you yelp and involuntarily clench your walls around Jongho, making the boy hiss for a second, when you unclenched. His hand stayed on your naked hip, caressing it with his thumb, as he asked:

— Are you alright, love?

— Ahn? Oh, yeah, I just got scared and my body reacted, I guess.

The boy hummed in agreement, not thinking much and just focusing on the TV again.

As the story progressed, though, more jump scares made you clench and unclench to the point he was fully hard inside of you and no longer paid attention to the movie.

— Babe, can you try stopping this?

— Am I doing it again? Sorry.

But you were not. Jongho could hear the smile on your voice, so he took your face and turned it just to see a stupid grin shaping your lips.

— What’s wrong, love?

He scoffed, pressing the tip of his tongue to the corner of his lips.

— What’s wrong? Well, maybe my girl being needy for cock is what’s wrong. Was this your plan from the very start?

— You were the one who wanted to watch a horror movie. — You shrugged your shoulders and pushed your hips against his, letting out a huff.

— Something tells me you don’t care about the movie at all, sweet baby.

— And what do you think I care about?

Jongho pushed his hips forward, causing you an eye roll from pleasure.

— Dirty girl is loving a cock inside her, right? — You nodded and bit your lips to prevent moans. — I want words, dear.

— Right, Jongho, you are so... big and it is filling me up... nicely — you spoke lowly, chest moving up and down with your heavy breathing. — Fuck me, please.

— My pretty girl wants to fuck? — You nodded and pouted at the images coming on your head. — If you want me that much, who am I to deny it?

Easily, he picked you up, making you hiss about your empty entrance, and walked to your room, never once stumbling, his perfect arms holding you like you weighted nothing, but you expected that from him already.

You were at home, there was no risk of getting caught, however he pressed you against the door to close it and kissed you like there was no tomorrow while slipping his fingers on your core, which made you moan his name quietly in his mouth. 

— You are so wet, angel, can you hear it? — His fingertips were thrusting shallow and curling into you, making squelching noises. You were pretty sure you would be leaking on the floor soon, such was the wet sensation down there.

You shook your head up and down, moaning again. Jongho made your legs wrap tighter around his waist before getting you to bed, laying you down and staying on his feet to look at you, all messed up already.

— Stay pretty here while I go take something.

You saw the man running out of the room, tripping on his own foot. He could not believe his fantasies would be turning real that soon. Weren’t you his angel? His innocent girl? He did not know what happened from the last time you had sex to that moment, but he thanked it. Going through the bags he brought, he found the condom box he bought earlier that night to leave at your house. You weren’t taking any chances of a baby right now and these things better do the job.

When he came back to the room, another trip on the stairs later, he found you face down on the pillow, hips up, swinging lightly and shirt lifted, tummy and a piece of your boob showing.

— What are you doing, love? Wanted me to see your pretty bum? — Jongho tossed the condom box on the bed beside you and caressed your bottom flesh. — Perhaps you want me to spank it.

His grip felt strong already, which, yes, made you want him to spank you much more than before, so, being the tease you were being that night, you shook your bum to him and looked back, whispering “do it”. It was a matter of seconds for him to process what you said and to lift his hand to leave a great slap to your skin.

— Do we remember what to say if things don't go well?

After you had mumbled “red”, his heavy hand made contact with you again, and you could feel the warmth spreading on the local. It was good, better than you had imagined, his hand felt amazing on you.

— Oh, angel, you look so pretty right now, what do I do? I want to fuck you so hard right now. — Another slap, another moan. — So hard you forget your name.

His voice was too sweet for the words he was speaking, but you had no complaints.

— Am I pretty? — you croaked out, turning to lay on your back. Your shirt was so up, almost revealing your perfect boobs.

His eyes were on fire, but seemed to soft a little when he took in your figure, hair all over the place, eyes wet, lips red. You still looked innocent, but such a hot one, an angel he would corrupt soon.

Jongho lowered himself down and kissed your exposed hip up to your flexed stomach, the pleasure knot being built there, then he gently took off your shirt to kiss around your soft nipples. With his eyes on you, he whispered:

— The prettiest.

You smiled softly and shyly, cheeks burning and hands making their way to his red hair, once there, they gently pulled him up until your lips crashed in a passionate kiss.

— The prettiest girl in this whole wide world and she’s mine. My pretty girl.

You mewled his name, giggling because of the pet name he had been using for a good time then. 

— What?

He pinned your wrists to the bed with a hand, got closer to your neck and, then, all your body hair shivered the moment his hot breath fanned over your hot skin. Yes, you needed him so much, but on top of that you wanted him, you desired him and you knew he did too, especially with the way he was kissing your neck and collarbones while his hand went south to open your legs.

The sensations felt good, they sure did, but when your eyes fell shut, your other senses were sharpened, mainly your touch. Your mind was wrapped around his warm hand cupping your intimacy at the same time your hands mindlessly ran down his back.

— Tell me, love, what did you want again?

— Jon-Jongho...

— Yeah, I know you want me, but specify it.

You breathed in and out deeply before opening your eyes and take in his face and body. All you could say, however, was:

— Why are you still clothed?

The man smirked and let go of your body to undress himself quickle. He had no time to tease, he wanted you, you wanted him and both would be fulfilling desires from now on. Without thiking much, he threw the clothes on the floor and opened your legs to fit between them.

— Better, babygirl?

— So much better. — You stretched your hands towards his torso, touching it delicately. Jongho knew you loved his body and everithing it could do to you and, as much as he would love you to appreciate him a bit more, he wasn’t too patient, therefore he let you have your little fun time stroking his abs and cock slowly while he, shakily, took that condom box and opened it, finally moving your hand away to roll one over himself.

— Hmm, Jongho, stop being so sexy, it’s making me want you to fuck me so hard.

— Is it? That can be arranged, my dirty girl.

With a gentle move, he put himself inside you, pressing his lips and furrowing his brows, but not closing his eyes, since he wanted to see your expression, that was so worth it.

— Hm, my babygirl just wants my cock inside her now. You get so lost when I’m inside, babe, right? — You nodded slowly, trying not to move your hips yet, task in which you would be succesfull if his heavy hand hadn’t slapped your thigh. — I want words.

— Ye-Yes?

— As I said, so lost already. — Jongho chuckled and started thrusting in you leisurely, not enough to make your body bounce, but enough to feel every inch. — You feel amazing..

— You... you too, but faster, please.

— Do you deserve it?

— Yes, Jongho, please. I’ve been a good girl for you.

Still not fastening his pace, he stated, mouth hovering over yours.

— That you have, darling, warming my cock, letting me spank your pretty butt and now it’s so eager to receive everything. Is what you want, right? Everything?

You breathed out maybe five “everything”, running your hands on your body, from your breasts to your thighs arounds Jongho’s waist. Said man smiled and did what you wanted, thrusting fast, hard and deep, groaning on your ear and pressing your sweaty bodies together or biting his lips when he saw himself going in and coming out of your absolutely wet entrance. The sounds you made together were definitely music, one you would keep for yourselves, nobody would ever be able to listen to it.

— Fuck! Jongho, close!

— Yeah? Well, then come for me, let me watch how you look when you come.

And he did. He got up and gripped your hips harsher to push himself in harder and watch it again. You couldn’t even care for the fact your hips would have two hand prints on them, you just wanted more.

Your hands were close to you, holding your breasts, and it made you remember your friends words, as weird as it sounded. “Some people say that if you restrict your breath during your orgasm, it gets more intese.” Why not? With only that in mind and the fast pace of Jongho, you brought your hand up to your throat and squeezed it, already feeling your head lighter and making you moan brokenly.

Seeing this and not quite believing his eyes, he swatted your hand away and changed it for his, squeezing the amount he felt safe enough. And, fuck, his hand felt so much better you let a loud moan and tightened your entrance.

— Oh, so my dirty babygirl likes to be choked? Does that make you feel good? Who would have thought...

Rather roughly, he gripped your jaw with his other hand and lowered himself to connect your mouths in a messy kiss. That was all you needed to reach your high. His hand pressing your throat, making your head slightly dizzy, another hand on your jaw, his cock thrusting into you so well, creating squelching noises, his tongue licking your mouths...

Your hands gripped the sheets as you were cumming around his cock, constricting it deliciously, what took him to his own orgasm, emptying his warm cum on the condom. Your moans, groans and heavy breathing echoed through the room while both were blissed out because of the highs.

— Damn... — Jongho carefully slipped out of you, tied the condom and came back to hug your sweaty body. — How was it?

— Perfect — you croaked out, smiling your angel smile.

— You... were different from our other times. What happened?

— Nothing, I just wanted to try new things. Are you feeling betrayed because I never mentioned anything.

— Well, now I’m not, since you let me try these things with you. Cockwarming, spanking and choking? Who would have thought, huh? — He kissed your cheek while his were blushed, although you couldn’t tell if it was because of the previous actions or because of now.

— And I really like your strenght — you remembered. — But I think you knew that already.

— I did.

You laughed breathily and laid on your backs, staring at the ceiling until your breathing was normal again. When that happened, you propped your body on your elbow and called him:

— Wanna go again?

— Again? Oh, I’ve officialy corrupted you. You’re not my innocent angel anymore. — He chuckled, propping himself on his elbow too and pecking your swollen lips.

— You didn’t like it?

— I did. Too much. Guess that’s just the beauty of corruption.

[karmaischerryred]

🍒 NSFW 18+

🍒 Dazai Osamu from Bungou Stray Dogs

🍒 x Fem Reader

🍒 A/N: Hello! This would be my first time posting my work here. I create fan fiction on a different website but I'm linking all my R-rated chapters or one-shots here; also for y'all to enjoy, to whoever finds this.

🍒 Background:

The story I published on the other website is a book of Fem Reader x Dazai One Shots of them doing ordinary (and sometimes not-so-ordinary) things a couple would do. It's kind of parallel to the events happening in BSD, but they're not in chronological order. Every six short stories, I'll be uploading an NSFW 18+ one, and this is the first. Reader's character is consistent all throughout the stories.

🍒 My inbox is always open for suggestions, though I can't promise fast productivity because I have classes :) Enjoy! xx

Y/n took another sip from her wine.

She grimaced as she swallowed the warm liquor, disliking the smell. Normally, she'd prefer champagne over this, but she had associated the sparkling drink with parties and celebration.

And nothing was worth celebrating about tonight.

Under the dark blue glow, Y/n sat on the couch overlooking Yokohama's city skyline. The clock reading almost forty-five minutes past midnight.

She pulled her silk robe tighter to her body. Even with the air-condition off, the breeze at an hour like this still managed to make her chilly. The alcohol was only doing so little to heat up her insides, and her uneasiness wasn't helping either.

Dazai had left her a message earlier that afternoon that he'd be home late. And that could only mean the agency had assigned him a job that so much required his ability; a job that was most likely dangerous.

Y/n trusted in his ability, and himself even without them. But she still couldn't help but worry about him at times like these. She didn't want to see him suffer terrible injuries, or at worst, actually die.

A sudden clicking from the door lock fortunately snapped her out of her building worries.

"You're awake."

Y/n placed her wine glass on the small side table, not turning to look at him. Instead, she closed her eyes and tilted her head back on top of the sofa's backrest, letting out a sigh of relief. "You know I choose to wait for you to come home."

Dazai walked towards her. "Ah, I wish you wouldn't. I would always come home to you no matter what."

She felt Dazai's arms rest on both sides near her head. Opening her eyes, she was greeted by her smiling boyfriend. His eyes glinted in reflection of the city lights right outside the big floor to ceiling windows in front of them. He looked extremely handsome under the teasing of the darkness.

How did she get so lucky?

He kissed her forehead, taking the time to inhale her scent, before making his way to lay on her lap. "Seriously, you should rest. I'll be busy often so you can't keep tiring yourself."

Y/n stroked his dark, perfect hair. "What was the task tonight?"

Dazai unconsciously drew circles on her thighs, the tip of his cold fingertips leaving goosebump on Y/n's already freezing skin. "Just had to er, capture a weretiger."

"The tiger that's been on the news?"

"That's the one."

"Why did they send you after it?"

"Him," he corrected. "The weretiger's an orphan's ability even he didn't know about. Poor boy scared everyone away at the orphanage, even himself."

Y/n let him continue. He might not proudly announce or show it, but she knew that he was growing to love his work.

The side that saves people.

He sat up and stretched. "Not even a scratch on me. Okay, Y/n? There's nothing to worry about."

She hugged him by the neck and kissed him right on his jawline, the most convenient place to land a kiss considering their height difference.

"Wait." He chuckled, standing up and pulling Y/n with him. "The job was done in a warehouse, I should probably clean up."

"All right." Y/n yawned and walked towards their bedroom. "I'll head in first while you go take a shower, you do smell like dust."

Y/n hung her robe by the door before sinking to relax on her side of the bed. She was grateful Dazai had been coming home more often recently. He'd sometimes choose to stay in the agency's dorm when there was too much work or when he felt like he was being closely observed by an enemy of some sort.

She closed her eyes, still trying to keep herself awake until Dazai joins her.

The door to the room swung open and she could hear his footsteps drawing closer. Dazai likewise found himself under the cool, white sheets and spooned Y/n, kissing her on the cheek while doing so.

"Y/n, you're hot."

"Thanks," Y/n mumbled sleepily.

He smirked. "Of course you are, but I meant your body temperature, kitten. Are you sick?"

She shook her head. "I maybe had too much to drink."

"You didn't have work to take home?"

"I drank while working until you arrived," she admitted. "It helps keep myself in check."

Dazai sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you not to brood so much."

Before Y/n could answer, she felt him lightly kiss her neck, his breath teasing the shell of her ear— her weakness.

"D- Dazai," y/n warned, doing her best to suppress a moan. "Aren't you tired from the job?"

She tried to control her breathing as she felt him go hard against her butt.

"I'm not tired," he assured, pulling her closer to him by the arm as his lips continued to plant soft kisses on her neck. "Turn around."

Y/n was sure her cheeks were flustered red by now. Good thing it was a little dark, with only the glow coming from outside the windows as their source of light. She turned to face him, now laying face to face.

He cupped her face with both hands. "You're too cute when you worry, but I'm sure you stress yourself enough at your internship."

She closed her hand around one of his and kissed it by the palm. "I don't mind. I want to wait for you."

Dazai smirked. "Then we must do something to relieve that stress, no?"

"W-Wha—? Dazai!"

In one swift movement, Dazai was on top of her, pinning her down with both hands at the side of her head.

"You're always so stubborn, Y/n." Dazai's lips hovered above hers. "But it's my turn now."

His lips pushed hard against hers, Y/n struggling to suppress a smile. Dazai rarely asked for them to do 'it' and like today, he'd usually find a way to pin the need on her benefit.

"You're playing hard to get, huh?" He kissed the area between her breasts, his hand finding its way underneath her tank top.

"Why can't you ask for this like a normal person?" Y/n moaned as he continued to play with her breasts.

He hummed in amusement, now tracing a finger from her nipple down to the hem of her pajama shorts. "Because I'm not a normal person, love."

Y/n held her breath as Dazai's fingers circled around her clit.

"So I'm going to make you ask for it." He kissed her on the forehead and pushed a finger inside her without warning.

On instinct, Y/n gasped and closed her eyes at the sensation. He was too good with his hands that even though she wasn't an ability user, she could suddenly almost understand how it would feel like to be nullified by his touch.

"No." He grabbed her gently by the jaw with his free hand, making her open her eyes. "Look at me."

"Dazai..." was all Y/n could muster through her moans as he continued to flick his finger from inside, and that's only one. She barely held his gaze as her own eyes would threaten to retreat at the back of her head.

"Yes?" He stopped abruptly.

Before she could stop herself, Y/n screamed out, "No!" And immediately avoided his gaze.

Ugh.

"You were saying something?" Dazai started again, now going for slow thrusts with the same finger. It was sliding in and out easily now that her body had given in to him, betraying her mind.

"Now that you started it," she seethed. "Please."

Even though he was still climbing back to the quicker tempo he had earlier, Y/n squeezed his free left wrist, signaling to him that she was close.

Dazai's love for control flashed over his dark orbs, he loved it even more when it involved applying it to Y/n in bed. "Please, what?"

He pushed another finger inside her, his other hand teasing Y/n's bottom lip before inserting two twin fingers into her mouth.

Y/n sucked on them to conceal her moans. She was reaching a different kind of high compared to how close she was a few seconds ago.

"F-Fuck—" Y/n struggled to talk now that her breathing has quickened, mimicking the pace of Dazai's fingers, while also still trying her best not to break their gaze.

Her body went rigid as she clenched around him, her fluids slipping past his fingers and onto the bed sheets.

Dazai took his fingers out of her mouth and covered it to muffle what was almost a scream from her, while his other hand continued to work their magic from below. His weight now slightly pinned half of her body down as she squirmed, overcoming her orgasm.

Once she was done, he retrieved his fingers and stretched them out with a smirk on his face, admiring the fluid dripping from them. "Can you talk properly now?"

Tears were forming at the corners of Y/n's eyes. She was already too sensitive down there, but she wanted more of him.

It could only get better than this.

"Please," she said with a shaky breath. "Fuck me."

"I love seeing you helpless like this." Dazai pulled out his member and stroked the tip with the wetness from his fingers. "Your wish is my command."

He grabbed a pillow and placed it underneath her butt to elevate the lower part her body, since she was smaller and shorter than he was.

They kissed again as he thrust inside, slowly but hard.

Y/n gasped into his mouth but he was quick to claim it again. His elbows resting at her sides, barely pulling out of her as he continued to stroke deeper and deeper into her insides.

She grabbed his hair as they continued to make out, fortunately stifling their moans for their neighbors not to hear. Every stroke made her eyes water up more as she reached for her second orgasm.

"Dazai," Y/n whispered in between kisses. "Faster."

He pulled away and grinned.

"Good girl." He pressed his lips on hers before rising to support his weight with his hands. "Safe word if it hurts, okay?"

Y/n nodded as he picked up the pace of his thrusts. She tried to grab at the pillow underneath her head, but Dazai reached for her hand and held on to it instead.

No sound came out of her mouth as she struggled to regain proper breathing, even though she was very near screaming her brains out. Dazai, too, was close to reaching his peak with his own moans muffled on to his shoulder.

She couldn't feel anything else with the rest of her body except for the part that's being pleasured greatly down there. She was so wet she could hear the sound liquid with every stroke, together with the sound of skin slapping against each other.

She squeezed his hand to signal him again. "Dazai, fuck!"

"Me too," he said, focused. "Fuck, I love it when you're loud."

"Cum in me."

"What?" He started to thrust rougher at the same fast-paced jolts. It was starting to hurt but it turned her on even more.

And he knew this. He brought a hand up to her clit and started rubbing them.

"It's safe today," Y/n tried to catch her breath. She was dangerously close now that Dazai had done his final trick.

Her back arched as she arrived at her second orgasm, a bit more intense than the first one. She could feel Dazai empty himself into her, his jaw clenched as he slowed down.

He collapsed into her arms, whimpering in satisfaction. "You feel so good, Y/n."

She was too breathless to speak, her legs were shaking and she was throbbing down there. Y/n was in ecstasy, but the exhaustion came crashing down quickly to her.

"I'll go get you water." Dazai stood up and took a box of tissues from the dresser to clean his member off before tucking it back inside his boxers. He then left the room.

He came back with a glass of water, and assisted Y/n to sit up.

She took the glass gratefully and began chugging down the water. She then placed the glass on the bedside table once she was done, trying to get her breathing right.

Both of them shared a smile as Dazai tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You know I fucking love you, right?"

Y/n nodded. "And you love fucking me."