#Idk it's just cool how we scream into the void about the stories we love and then another voice starts screaming back

[destinyandcoins]

bruh idk what's the damage on all those spiteful writers who have to have a twist ending and change shit at the last minute when people guess what's going on. when someone speculates about an upcoming twist or catches on to what I've been doing I light up like the fucking vegas strip at dusk

[its-short-for-jackalope]

TRANSMISSION 14!!!!!!!!

ohhhhhhh my god.

AHLAAM, SIA, AND DAKKAR FORM A DYNAMIC TRIO???? ONE THAT WE WILL LEAN ON HEAVILY FOR EPISODE 4???? I AM SO EXCITED????

hi I already adore all these characters and I can't wait to get to know them better in just three days (holy shit)

Ahlaam —

Traveler proficient in several magical disciplines

okay so we know there's different kinds of magic, even more than just the Radiance and Ahlaam's sick waterbending. I'm guessing that the Radiance could be the primary magic and the other disciplines are more secondary, maybe?

valuable leader, has more fun than all the other islanders combined, quick to help people smile

I am so glad that Ahlaam is the fun Traveler just like I'd been hoping. It also speaks to Matt's character writing skills because we get like 2 minutes with her in TGOA and that was enough to be like "oh she's a silly one" lol <3

also ayyyyyy confirmation that there are more people on Lincoln Island than just these named characters!

guiding hand, glue that holds Lincoln Island together

....I am suddenly afraid that something could happen to Ahlaam. If she's that important to the island and the Bad Guys know it, then she could be a target to try and make everyone vulnerable and weak.

Dakkar —

serious and intense, unmatched fighting spirit

oh my god I hope he's broody. if he's the opposite to Ahlaam then he's gotta be a tortured, brooding guy, right? please? he can fill the Haunted Soldier Man void AJ left behind!

chiseled by his past & anchored by time, always right here while being somewhere else

hi! 😀 what the fuck does this mean? ❤

fr tho are we going to get more time weirdness beyond just traveling through it??? is Dakkar split between time and/or space?? is that an intentional magic thing, or an invention thing, or a curse of some kind? lab accident? is he conscious of different times/places at the same time? when he's with Rose two weeks in the past, is he ALSO with the others in the present, like some sort of Traveler bridge??? is he even a traveler??? it didn't explicitly say he's a traveler???

his magic is critical to the operation & safety of the island

oh okay, so he could also be in serious danger from the Bads. gotcha. goooootcha. welp, I'm fucked, I'm already attached. Matt Dahan has so many ways to hurt me in three days, lmao. I'm lowkey scared. (Bring it on Mr. Dahan, I will make art as revenge for any and all future heartbreak. 🥰)

fiercely protective of those close to him

...Dakkar, buddy, you're not beating the AJ similarities allegations.

oh god if I wasn't already 99% certain that Morgan won't be in this episode then I would be going crazy over thinking about these two interacting. ...might go crazy over it later, just for fun.

has a knack for science and technology

and if I said Anna is hanging out in his cool traveler lab and that's where she and John reunite— /hj

if Dakkar does technology stuff, could he have created the orreries? I've had a theory that Margaret could have made them (my only evidence is the orrery in her apartment and Kal saying it's fitting that he found her while looking for an orrery) so maybe they had developed them together? idk, just a thought

also, if Ahlaam is the Fun One and Dakkar is the Serious One then I can totally see Sia as the common ground between them—more serious than Ahlaam but more lighthearted than Dakkar. and was Margaret once a part of this group? where does she fit in? OH MY GOD WHAT IF SIA TEAMED UP WITH AHLAAM AND DAKKAR AFTER SHE LOST KAL AND MARGARET???? if Kal was the fun one and Margaret was the serious one....... aough please excuse me while I scream internally for a while.

Captain Addison Arvad —

is on Lincoln Island

how????? Sia didn't know what happened to her, how long has she been here????

enthusiastic, knowledgeable, the kind of person that's used to doing ten things at once

adhd multitasking queen captain, I love her

important part of the story that unfolds for our heroes

ahem....

AS THE #1 ADDISON FAN AND THE FIRST PERSON TO MAKE A POST IN HER TAG,

I, PERSONALLY, WIN.

she has a dog, Top, who works just as hard as anyone else on the island

🥺🥺🥺

okay, maybe Addison didn't see her captain's journal as a Wreck This Journal. maybe Top saw it as a chew toy. maybe her dog tried to eat her captain work.

if anything happens to this dog I swear to god... 😭

Searcher is a type of person with their own set of guidelines and rules

fascinated by this bit. what guidelines and rules are these? are they about morals? about how to use their magic, if they have magic at all? is it about how they engage with the world(s) and the people in it? what are the rules and guidelines for Travelers?

feeling very John Herschel in my living room right now (I have so many questions) and have I mentioned I already adore these characters???

anyway, to conclude this ramble:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!

[memberment]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

So the Trinitarians brain worm is back and Morning Glory is now longer and biting the dust as far as my focus goes.

But like, I genuinely want to talk to anyone who's invested in what's to come as far as part two goes. SO PLEASE. I IMPLORE THE FOUR OF YOU WHO PERPETUALLY TAKE NOTICE OF MY SCREAMS INTO THE VOID.

We're all aware that Trin is a time loop fic. That is confirmed.

BUT THE PROBLEM IS HOW I'M GOING ABOUT DOING THAT. AND I NEED INPUT FROM PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT ME AS FAR AS PLEASES AND SPARKLES GO, YES?

Because like sure I'm writing it and like fuck everything else, let me tell my story. But it's the how of it all like if I'm gonna throw another 200 give or take hours into this I would at least like one person to be having a wonderful time drinking and driving (I have since remembered this is not a common phrase, I do not mean this in a literal sense, it's an expression) with me right?

Part two is going to be 50 chapters, give or take. (Part one is about 37 for reference.)

So the plan for part 2 rn is (ROGUHLY):

(1-10) is the second timeline. There are a lot of importants and I cannot just glaze over it all more than that. But we're also working in a bit of a shorter time period than the original events of the story and introductions do not need to happen again, right?

(11-40)ish would be me running through the next timelines in a set up structure -> what changes -> the results of said changes and then inevitably what sends our looper backwards. It wouldn't be running through all the timelines but the more notable ones in kind of a four chapter structure, I am not fully sold on four, but rough estimate yk.

And then 41-50 would be the finale of part two. It's literally the last timeline in its glory and then the epilogue which kicks off part three.

COULD AT LEAST ONE OF Y'ALL SIT THROUGH THAT OR DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY NOTES AT ALL BECAUSE LIKE

I personally kinda like it but if not a soul is reading this I am throwing myself on the curb with the rest of the garbage LMFAOOO.

I NEED THOUGHTS. OPINIONS. COMMENTS. CONCERNS. ANYTHING.

Anyways, I'm going to work. I have off tomorrow and I broke the ff investment seal for today so insanity and updates will be here tonight and homework will be tomorrow.

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD DAY <3

(9:30) I am literally falling asleep as I lazily write this angel based on Danse Macabre. Expect all of maybe one more update tonight if the tacos I am abt to receive don't wake me up LMFAO.

Also, I am almost saddened by not having something to post tm. Anyone want an early chapter of something that isn't Genesis/Desolation bc they're both on Monday?????? (I am feeling like a menace rn)

(10:19) tacos and the absolute yap session I just had did wake me up a bit. MAAAYBE might write some more. Idk I slept like three hours last night and went to work I'm kinda dead. But we're at 98.2k!!!!!!🥳

(11:06) okay we made it to 99.6k everything besides the flashback for 31 is done. I'm about to relax and watch something and figure out mechanics of some of this because god this series is A BEAST. Like, I still have six planned chapters left.

Pure insanity. I love it here. I hate it here.

Holy shit wait I just came to the realization that I started this fic exactly one month ago. I have belted out 99.6k for THIS FIC ALONE. (Moreso if we're including future shit that hasn't happened yet)

IN ONE MONTH.

THAT IS FUCKING CRAZY WHAT HTE FUCK LMFAOOOO

I may or may not be cooking we’ll find out in 6-26 business hours

(5:28) So I just had a very interesting past few business hours. I read a fic I've been waiting ever so patiently to finish. That's cool, right. I go for a walk at 4 in the morning because I'm insane. Fantastic. I get home at five and I'm like ohhhh well what do I do now it's not sleep time yet. Oh write I'm supposed to be drawing.

Nope I reread the epilogue of morning glory and realized Tweek's first address is for my morning glory and Craig's last sign off is your morning glory and now I'm ready to throw myself on the curb with the garbage as I sob. Someone call a trusted adult for me thanks.

[depressedtheatrekiddo]

Reading Blue Beetle (2006) again <3

This time my thoughts while reading issues from 7 to 8 !! 🪲

(spoilers under the cut as usual ajsj)

Me when I exist (I love this shit):

+ FIELD TRIP WITH THE FAM LET'S GOOO!!

+ Jaime I love you (he's me I'm him) (how old was he during this? We might even be the same age 😌)

ALSO BRENDA IS HEREEEE!!!! HIII BRENDA 💘💕💗💞

+ Right in the old sibling issues ✋😔😭 HE ALSO CALLED HER MUNCHKIN ON THE NEXT PANEL NOBODY TOUCH ME 😭😭😭 (I promise I'm a serious person and I'll write about their relationship in deep but I'm just a silly guy rn)

+ Peacemaker is back HE'S BACK??!! Good explanation on who Peacemaker is bug guy 👍

+ BOOSTER GOLD MENTION❗❗

+ Quick kit kat but I love that all of Jaime's family and close friends know about him idk how to express it but seeing a superhero be supported by his loved ones feels so good and refreshing (besides they're all super cool and intelligent and practical)

+ Me when Batsy appears: *starts laughing with no reason*

Also this panels

Then Jaime's mom going "well if Superman asked you"

+ THE SAME TECHNOLOGY OF THE SCARAB???!!!! HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT—

+ I love when the panels are like half Jaime half Blue Beetle, so sick man

+ "Blow it up" is a good tip I believe.

But also what? 🧍🏻 Can someone please explain to me what Dinah said about Ollie being upset and the poverty thing, please? :d

+ "I just want to go home" bro my sweet bug guy, I'm so sorry (JL better hide now, y'all had dared to bring Jaime into all this, now suffer the consequences)

+ NONONONONONONONNONOOOO 😭😭 pleaseplease see him see him please c'mon 😭😭😭

+ "You're heroes! Don't leave me alone!" Nobody fucking noticed? Asshats I'm gonna fucking fistfight everyone

+ STOP THIS SHIT😭😭 My bug guy I love you I'm sorry (Mili thank you I love you too <3)

Bro I swear parted panels between Jaime and the Blue Beetle fucking rule like I can fucking see him see everything again, I mean his eyes look like they do, see everything happening over and over.

+ "Dessert air" Yeah, me too Paco, me too ✋😔 (that better be a friendly hug, I don't wanna get paranoid with this but PLEASE)

+ ROAD TRIP!!!! HELL YEAAAH!!! Brenda and Jaime bickering 🫶 (Brenda kick his ass <3)

+ BAHDHSJAJS PEACEMAKER IS ON BABYSITTING DUTY RN 😌

+ Has Peacemaker just called Brenda 'Red' *has Max and Eddie flashbacks* nvm

+ FIRST SHE CALLED HER AUNT HER PARENT I'M CRYING SOMEONE GET ME OUT THE DESSERT ❗❗ ALSO LOOK AT HER SHE'S SO COOL AND SO PRETTY (I'm in love)

+ He's kinda right bug guy... (And lmao not them talking about La Dama being Brenda's aunt literally two steps away from her AVDJWNKDJS)

+ Peacemaker guy is called Dan Garett (someone give context or sum please, where does he come from (comic recs?) I think I'm gonna call him Danny 👍

+ OH MY FUCKING GODS NOT THIS CHEAP POLYPHEMUS GUY AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭 *screams into the void*

+ Bro AGDJSHJAJ Cinetico laughing at Paco for failing Spanish is real life footage of me and my best friend (Also Spanglish is what my class speaks on English time basically so)

+ Man my exact thoughts on everything (also Mili is my lil sis Istg she's the same😭)

+ So Dan is the first Blue Beetle granddaughter or sum like that okay cool(?) (not me fucking thinking it was Peacemaker lmaoo 😭😭😭)

(Brenda I love you but why GAKDBWJS)

+ Mitchell. Mitchell.

+ I'm going to collect silly Brendas on my journey through Blue Beetle issues (I can't put too much pics in just a post so I'll share her once I got a few <3)

+ Dio live reaction:

+ ARMAGGEDON?

+ "My mother didn't raise me like that. It's wrong." Okay. Okay. I'm more of a Red Hood way of thinking instead of Batsy. But I guess Jaime has his point, I respect that and I kinda love that that's his thing, like, I need to be like him and feel all the rage in a different way, to feel kinder ( love you bug guy <3)

+ Lmaooo at least they take care of the town at he end

+ Bugnuts, she said bugnuts— *wheezes*

+ Yeah, I need to hear Peacemaker's story too 👍

[acatinafancyhat]

Watched Chess Netherlands today because... well, I can 🙃 It was surprisingly not all horrible. Definitely flawed and problematic but it had some parts I really liked! Of course I had lots of thoughts again so here is me venting them. 99% sure no one else cares about Dutch Chess but what the hell, tumblr is for screaming into the void right? ✨️

Act I

- You can instantly tell this is a Dutch production because the championships take place in what looks like a school gym. I mean we do our rubiks cube tournaments there. Is fine for chess, no?

- Explaining chess to the audience bc that's what the show is really missing

- Many Svenska Vibes

- Anatoly with an i is the most Dutch Soviet Russian i've ever met. Just, no nonsense. 'go take care of my children woman.' Calling each other names is how we show affection <3

- I will say the boys (Anatoli's kids) playing chess during the opening is a nice touch

- Story of Chess also has very to the point lyrics. "chess requires reticence so u don't kill each other" see now this actually sets up the show real well :)

- Awkward humor no one laughs at ✅️

- Anatoli's kind of a downer

- Freddie's sort of charming but his relationship with Florence is gonna be garbage i can tell

- strike 1: ableism

- (honestly he just reminds me of every Dutch white guy on tv)

- strike 2: assault

- Florence is already so done with his shit good for her

- also "with me there, he is brilliant" tru tru

- Singing Nobody's Side while random people have a lil party behind her?

- oh it's an excuse for karaoke ONIB

-Are they really gonna do the whole song though do we really need that

-lol Freddie pushes karaoke guy off stage so he can finish the song. honey this is a little early in the show to be getting this drunk what are you doing she hasn't even left you yet

- Arbiter leads morning exercise... ok well why not

- No dancing during the chess game. It's cool we can just watch two guys play chess from a distance for a couple minutes. Fun times.

- Freddie sticks his gum under the table real subtle like he hasn't got multiple cameras pointed at him right now

- Actually on second thought i think the chess game might be better without the dancing. Characters are doing interesting things. The contrast between Anatoli sitting stiffly at the table while Freddie is prancing around fistfighting the cameras is Most Amusing :)

- Did he just try to make Anatoli's move for him omg 🤣

- Freddie @ arbiter "uh it might be time u keep things under control around here" and off he runs HE'S SUCH A LITTLE SHIT ngl i kinda love him here

- However Florence's defense of him just seems completely unreasonable considering toli literally just. sat there. the whole time.

- Anatolyi gets the 'i'm ridiculous' monologue like in Svenska

- 'Hey my people killed your people oops now let me sing a song in the language you probably don't remember and it's somehow romantic and not creepy or overstepping any boundaries at all :)'

- Running away from Molokov in a shittier version of Svenska. Meh. But again they are aware of the lack of embassies in and around Merano which I do appreciate bc i'm pedantic like that

- Freddie: hey what's she doing with that Russian

Freddie: hmmm idk

Freddie: they're definitely talking abt me tho 🤨

- Flo & toli have a healthy conversation about the fact that he just left his kids behind i support that!!

- However this timing/setting for Anthem sucks. He's just singing it to Florence. And it's literally about how he misses his family? Weak. This needs to be an epic declaration of love for his homeland to all the world not whining to your girlfriend. Ugh can't believe they fucking ruined Anthem!

- So far all of this strikes me as discount Svenska but without the investment in Flonatoly and the only thing it's really got going for it is a handful of good lines BUT we'll see about act 2...

Act II

- Why the fuck would you start your second act with Merchandisers?

- Nice audience interaction though, it doesn't completely not work

- But following it up with Heaven Help My Heart is hmmmmmm really not ideal pacing-wise.

- Freddie's woman verse is even more cringe in Dutch i can't accurately translate it but it's so..... yikes..... The word he uses instead of "woman" ("popje") literally means "little doll/puppet" (but with slightly different connotations). It's sometimes used as a term of endearment but in this scene it is very much derogatory and ew.

- "here I stand wondering / if I ever knew you / have I ever really known who you are?" I like this translation!

- Pity the Child pulls no punches (does it ever?) He's so pathetic, he's such an asshole, and as a teacher I weirdly feel this one (at one point he talks about how no one ever noticed him at school either and just... oof don't get me started). Also the desperate rapid-fire chess game he plays against himself in the musical break and during the final verse--that needs to be in more versions holy fuck go watch this bit it's GOOD!!

- The Deal but without a political angle. Fascinating.

- No

- no. no no no i hate this i hate this Freddie wouldn't sacrifice his game not even for Florence NO. CANCELED.

- Interestingly instead of honey/parner, Freddie uses the same word as in the woman verse when he's talking to Florence during The Deal but this time it's the endearment variant. That's a little bit problematic.

- Molokov's plan is still to bring Flo and Sveta together even though Anatoli is now supposed to win 🤷‍♂️

- Anatoli casually downs several shots of liquor (vodka?) during Soviet Machine. not sure this will help him win the game but at least he sleeps through Russian Guy screaming that final whoooooooo high note in his ear

- Florence tests Freddie's chair... demands they bring a different one... is she still working for him? idk. I'm guessing it's meant to be sweet but it just looks silly to me idk

- Fuck reverse I Know Him So Well honestly. "he wants me / no he wants me" boo fucking hoo. You two deserve each other.

- Oh! Oh! Talking Chess, yay! 😁

- Gosh this is actually really cute?!? Freddie literally just came to discuss this random chess gambit he came across and thought was interesting? Nothing even to do with their current game just 'hey found this thing i thought you might like and i like and can we be friends now i really like chess 😶'

- Unlike in Svenska and RAH, I actually don't know for sure who is going to win this game. They do a good job of making this really about chess in the end. I like it.

- Freddie reminding toli it's about chess even during their match now that is the freddie i came to see!

- He calmly sips his water as Sveta and Florence are physically removed from the premises

- It is Quite Unfortunate that this production hates women...

- Really they seem to only be here to get in the men's way. Ugh.

- I don't support any of the relationships except Freddie and Toli being pen pals and playing long distance chess for the rest of their lives.

- Ending feels a little OOC but still nice to see some healthy Freddie & Flo interaction for once 😌

tldr; not the worst production out there, worth watching if you've already seen Svenska and don't mind Freddie being the most likeable character. (okay likeable is not the right word he sucks but, you know. He reminds me of RAH Freddie but slightly more yike.) PTC and Talking Chess are highlights!

[fatuismooches]

I've been thinking for a while after reading Mika's character story about Capitano's eyes.. You know in lazzo trailer, we can't see anything on his face except just a black void. Meanwhile in Mika's character story, his eyes glows which intimidate everyone when there's a confrontation between the Fatui and Varka's expedition team.

idk why but i feel like Capitano can make his eyes blaze with intimidating aura at his will? 🤔 (also, the fact that he didn't do that in lazzo trailer really shows how respectful he is towards his fellow comrades even though a lot of them are always mocking and bad mouthing each other except Pierro lol 😂)

I really want Capitano so badly 😭🙏 why he is so cool and mysterious.. I really can't get enough of him 😔 I'm already at 210+ intertwined fate now and still saving (thank u Mi/Hoyoverse for that free IFs in adventurer's hand book 🛐), i really hope that when his banner finally arrived, i can get him to C6R5 🛐💞

-🥝

(Thinking about florist!reader where they braid Capitano's long black hair with flowers when he is sleeping on their lap rn 😖💓🌺💐🛐)

That would be super cool! 🥺 I feel like he is a guy who avoids battle if possible, since he's respectful and all, so he just kinda. Intimidates others to back down. He's just a respectful guy in general, the first Harbinger probably can't be disrespectful to his comrades, all the npcs talk about his rep lol (I also think they didn't make his eyes blaze in the trailer because we'd never get over it. Okay and imagine- you have no idea what your husband's face looks like much less his eyes *arranged marriage sneak here* and then boom. One day he gets super overprotective of you become someone kept bothering you and all of a sudden you look up and see his piercing blue eyes... help me🙏 and then the angst of him avoiding you because he's scared about what you think of him now🙏 my English is probably bad rn but... i gotta get this out NOW)

You're literally the #1 capitano fan I can't imagine how much you're dying inside waiting for him😭😭 I can't wait to scream abt his lore w/ u omg... And dw with how far natlan is he's definitely getting c6r5 (I'm sorry that's so far away😭)

Omg I can either think about florist! reader from Mondstadt or Snezhnaya. Mondstadt would be cute because everyone there is pretty into flowers and stuff, there's even that flower shop at the gates, plus they'd definitely appreciate the flower love language the most 💗🛐 Meanwhile with Snezhnayan reader, he'd be intrigued at how dedicated you are to keeping these fragile lifeforms healthy in such perilous weather. Either way, you're giving me the picture of reader and Capitano basking in a flower field😔 (Imagine Capitano giving advice to his recruits about what flowers to give their lovers, they're so shook but their admiration soars through the roof)

[mcl-mia]

//so... i have (finally) began trudging my way through the routes of wh again (done every route prior to rembrant's, sans klaus 2 because i am petty and still think it shouldn't have existed), and i've finally gotten to nox's route. just finished rembrandt's. and like... man do i have Thoughts. so i'm going to compile them and scream into the void. many of them will probably be on rembrandt's route, but that's because.... you know. the one i just finished.

first of all. narrative wise, i ADORE the continuation. i love how they are all in one connected timeline, it really brings such a finality to season 2 and it does, despite having its own issues, fixes what one of my biggest problems with the s1 routes (i.e. self contained story lines that don't connect anywhere). they introduce like, 80% of the cast that you're going to be interacting with and dating for the forseeable future and it makes it feel like a proper overarching storyline actually EXISTS!!! AND THERE IS ONE!!! AND IT WILL SOMETIMES REFERENCE S1 STUFF!!! IT'S SO GOOD. SO GOOD.

-100 points for having the rest of the s1 cast being almost fucking absent though. i understand that like. narratively they wouldn't always need to be there. however. i miss my boys. also -10000000 points for practically no amelia. where's my fucking wingman.

i 👏 love 👏 the 👏 night 👏 class 👏 boys. 👏👏👏 they feel like an actual friend group and shit like this makes me soooooo fucking emotional:

literally this makes me so feral. like, these people are liz's best fucking friends and it SHOOOWWWWSSS. the unconditional love here makes my heart want to burst.

i am eating so much good food lore wise. geography from bith hisoka and rembrandt's routes have me eating so good.

i like the time travel aspect well enough, though i do wish they did a smidge more with it? i'm not done with the rest of the routes yet obv but i'm curious to see if liz gets to keep her time powers. the end of rembrandt's route seems to imply that she lost them because the goddess crystal shattered, though?? status is currently unclear.

this line from mischa destroyed me:

like seriously. what the fuck. this is such a good line. and it reminds me that hugo, vain, and mischa have seen so many possible timelines that exist, and yet there IS one where hugo decides to take his shot. i know they basically have everybody be in love with liz but i think it's especially cute but very cruel for hugo, who almost certainly falls in love with her every time he meets her in a different timeline. just something to think about.

speaking of mischa. i think it's fucking adorable how chica and mischa are pen pals. besties. refined ladies. we love them. idk why tumblr doesn't want me to upload the screenshot but it's really cute.

so. routes. hugo's and hisoka's felt like..... nothing? like sure, they had some Big Picture Plot relevance, hugo's moreso for obvious reasons, but hisoka's felt like a beach episode. really weird.

hisoka's especially felt like nothing. like, cool that they introduce beastmen and , subsequently,the not so cool furry racism (wow i love fe9/fe10). but like. what else did it do besides have rembrandt take his watch back. and some geography. it was a nice change of pace, but the stakes felt so incredibly low compared to the two other routes its sandwiched between. don't get me wrong, i love the ending that came out from it. i LOVE the market idea and i love how it was walter fucking goldstein that sponsors hisoka. i just wish that, like..... there was bigger things going on in it. cute route overall, but just felt a little out of place. also hachi is a 10/10 familiar. would give so many pets.

ok. so rembrandt. i love, like, a LOT of how this route is written, to an extent. it is SO full of lore and dragonkin biology. i also like the overt head-smashing symbolism of rembrandt's magic being called "twilight" - not quite day, not quite night. if i were any dumber i'd call it clever.

so. to go back to the bad. because i think, very ironically, rembrandt is the worst part of his own fucking route. it's not that i don't find rembrandt exceedingly pretty, because he is, and his characterization is kinda... good? but he's just not the rest of the cast. literally the rest of the s2 squad consistently make me smile and giggle like a child, while i'm giving the "romance" a 1000 yard stare.

like, seriously. this small convo with lucious is just fucking great and better than any dialogue liz and rembrandt have ever had:

lucious calling his friends virgins is so funny. you go you funky little dude. never change, baby boy. but this is just soooo GOOD.

there's a lot of instances where they make it a point to show that the s2 cast really cares for liz, and that they are so comfortable around her. there's SO much good interaction and it's so cute... and then rembrandt is just. there. in the corner. losing his religion.

ok but seriously. let's talk about rembrandt himself for a sec. because like, rembrandt is fine. i appreciate that they don't beat around the bush that he is literally going to outlive liz. i also appreciate that everybody else is like, "do not fucking trust him, he is literally the enemy". unfortunate that due to the nature of the route liz is like "nuh uh" which makes everyone else be like "fym nuh uh". overall though i feel like he's just. too bland. which is WILD considering that he was a prison of war for like 1000 years. i know it's moreso that in his route he has (because of liz) finally started to trust humans again, but i wanted hesitation, i wanted DRAMA, a more romeo and juliet type beat!!! that came kinda close to it, but rembrandt being there and basically turning himself in is.... lame. very lame. sigh.

and then we have the incorporation of rembrandt into the main group. like, i love the night class boys SO much. and like, it bothered me a lot when liz would be like "oh don't worry rembrandt, we're your friends and you're part of the group now!" when rembrandt would do basically nothing but exist there. like, he barely interacted with them??? he felt very out of place, especially when the rest of the boys were still unsure about rembrandt. at least make fun of zeus like the rest of us, old man.

also. the plot point where rembrandt met liz when she was a kid, and she changed his whole outlook on humans..... uuuugggghhhhh. felt very unnecessary imo. it's like they just wanted to slap in another romance trope to make up for the fact that there wasn't a lot of romance to begin with. uuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

this was funny:

thank you for your services caesar o7

oh! and nox's outfit as nightmare is dumb. i know wh probably wasn't getting the greatest budget in the world but like... could have made it, like, so much better. i'll do a separate post for that in a min.

uhhhhhh i think that's all i got for now. i have . more but y'know. more to come.

[whitesuitdarkiplier]

Darkiplier x reader who finally confronts him for stealing their body and leaving them behind? Sobbing and filled with sorrow and rage as they scream at him, and Dark has the crushing feeling of remorse, because he had become so broken and bitter over the years that he hadn’t truly thought about what he and Celine had done to the reader. He hadn’t stopped to think about it, because he knew if he ever did that he would never be able to keep up the bitter rage to complete his mission of revenge against actor mark.

IDK, I just like the idea of the actor maybe starting out of getting the reader from the mirror and putting them in his stories, but that the memory wipe isn’t as good as he thinks it is, because the reader, every time they start to remember, chooses to stay, because at least actor came back for them. Because while actor mark is Dark’s villain because he stole his body and left him to die, technically, Dark did the same thing to the reader. So, Dark would technically be reader’s actor mark. So how can they ever be what they were before? How can they? Every time the reader looks at Dark, all they see is their own walking corpse.

Anyways, I like pain and angst and think that would be cool to be explored.

Prompt: “He came back for me. You didn’t. And you know what? I don’t need you anymore.”

This was so emotional to write. Thank you for this prompt! Angst is good for the soul sometimes. I hope you really enjoy it!

You and Mark had been on many adventures together. Many crazy situations you didn’t know how to escape, many fun times you never wanted to end…and all the while, he thought it was because you couldn’t remember who you were, what had happened—what he had done. Whatever he did to purge you of your memories faded more and more with time. There were inklings of the truth always there, always an option to leave and never look back. To leave the demon to his demons and rest your own soul.

But even though by now you remembered everything, knew what was going on, you stayed. You stayed by his side. You said yes to him, you never split up, you held on. Because despite the sins of his past—he always did the same for you. He found you, lost and broken, alone where your once best friend had left you. He picked up those shattered pieces and made something new, gave you a starring role right by his side. He called you friend.

Perhaps it was all a lie. A way to keep someone else trapped with him in this never ending purgatory; misery does love company, after all. But even so…he never abandoned you.

You were back in the void again, a familiar ringing, a familiar face. Dark stood before you, and you’d met him a thousand times before. But now was different. Now, you wouldn’t remain silent.

“I know the feeling of being trapped in his games,” Dark said, almost pleading with you to wake up, “But we don’t have to be.”

“We?” You scoffed, something in you set ablaze, “There is no ‘we’. You left me. You promised we would fix things together and then you left me.”

You start to shake. You’re standing before your own broken and battered corpse. You try to see Damien and Celine beneath it all, but…you can’t. Not anymore. All those years of solitude and pain boil to the surface in rage and sorrow.

“Do you have any idea how long I waited, scrounging my mind for even the smallest bit of hope that you would return for me,” tears quickly form in your eyes and spill down your cheeks, “You were so caught up in your thirst for revenge that you discarded me like an old cloth and left me to rot! But you know who found me? You know who saw my broken soul and helped me? Mark.”

You took a step forward, your anger fueling you. “Mark gave me a second life. I’m not trapped in his games, Dark. I’ve chosen to stay because he actually gave enough of a fuck to come back for me!” You glare at him. “You talk about him and his sins, but you’re the same as him. You betrayed me. Your friend. I trusted you! And you tricked me and stole my body. You’re just like him.”

Dark scowls, staring at you, but he says nothing. He has no defense, no excuse. And for the first time in so, so long…the burning rage is dampened and in its place are the cold ashes of remorse. He’s never felt more pain than this moment, when his friend…former friend, pierced him with the ugly truth. He never stopped to think of you left in that mirror because of him. He convinced himself that somehow you were in the mirror because of Mark. But it was him. The two of you could have left that manor together and tried to pick up the pieces, leaving Mark alone with no story to tell. But he played into his hands.

“So he’s gotten what he wanted,” you say bitterly, “You are the villain. And he’s the hero.”

Dark’s she’ll cracks into a million versions of himself, screaming in agony and rage. Still, he says nothing.

You turn and start walking. Just as you could choose to leave Mark at any point…you can leave him in his void. Mid-step, you stop and turn around. Fire still burns in your eyes, and your next words are a knife to Dark’s heart.

“He came back for me. You didn’t. And you know what?” There’s venom in every syllable. “I don’t need you anymore.”

In the blink of an eye, you’re standing in the control room of the Invincible II, staring out the window into the cold vacuum of space. You’ve let go, you think. You’ve accepted your role, took back some semblance of power over your own life. But still…it’s a hollow victory.

“Thank you,” Mark says beside you, looking towards your new home planet. You look at him, his eyes so sincere it makes your heart ache. So much that you don’t stop to wonder if he’s just being a good actor.

“For not giving up on me,” he says with a soft grateful smile.

You reach out and grip his shoulder in a friendly gesture. Your friend. Your captor. Your hero.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

[piracytheorist]

I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT SHADOWS OF ROSE SO BAD AGHHHHHH

Can we just talk about the amazing use of contrast when it comes to Michael's written words in the dlc??? Everything is so dark and distorted, meanwhile with Michael's words you feel the warmth despite the lack of a voice.

It helps too that they use golden yellow! A warm color, a color that represents happines, optimism, and friendship. The light that guides Rose to her journey to the crystal.

They really could've went and made Ethan a cool, badass, still sane mold monster but they didn't, they made him something that literally look like it came from the heavens. He really is an angel sent from heaven 🥺

Also I'm glad they didn't fully make Mia bad here, though there was the weird plot hole where she didn't tell Rose anything about Ethan... And from what me and my friends discussed it appears Rose has gone into a boarding school, resulting in less time to visit Mia. Probably why she mentions "I haven't seen Mom in ages."

Its super cool Rose is hella smart, though it ended up kinda kickstarting the bullying for her :( they're just jelly she's tons smarter and cooler than they'll ever hope to be.

The whole Winters home sequence wa soooo fluffy and cute it just made me giddy inside!!! :3 and when Ethan says "You have me." when Eveline screams that Rose is no more than a freak who has no friends made me break UGHH

And as usual, Ethan puts other before himself even willing to fight Miranda and possibly suffer a lot. But it wouldn't matter as long as his daughter was safe.

And what does Rose do? She sacrifices the only chance she has to be normal, all just to save her dad. Like he did for her back then!!!!

This DLC dude, i swear.... It really made my heart soar...

That's a good reaction pic for this DLC. Just looking at the void screaming inside.

Ethan's words were like a soft light guiding and supporting Rose through the dark and creepy nightmare. It's not just what he said, but the way his words were shown was so on point. I was so excited to see what he'd say and at the same time felt relief every time he appeared, cause after all the creepy and intense stuff, he provided Rose with support and a moment to breathe.

I feel it's once again them not caring about making Ethan a macho badass. He's just a dude and he cares so much for his daughter, prioritizing her over anything else. And his appearance with soft, glowing words really accentuates that. He's just a soft dad 🥺🥺 and really, it's what Rose needed in that case. It helps build up their relationship up to the end where they hug and say they love each other. It wouldn't work as well, it wouldn't hit as hard, if for most of the game it was just a cool badass portrayal of Ethan who at the end suddenly shows a caring, soft side. I mean, I'm not implying anything about real life; but since this is a fictional story, it worked so well to have "Michael" guide Rose and help her while being portrayed as calm and reassuring, for us to invest and be touched by their final scene. I mean dude they really went for the feels and they wanted us to cry even harder than we cried at the end of the main game.

The boarding school idea is kinda good, although I wonder how and why they decided to send her away. They had seen how Eveline ended up when she felt that she didn't have a family to love her; why did they repeat that mistake with Rose? And yeah I'm wondering too why Mia didn't tell her anything about Ethan. Maybe Rose was too young to remember when Chris took her? But still like, there should be something, idk. And if they do leave it there and don't explore the Winterses' story in any future games, then the reason Rose didn't learn anything about Ethan will stay a plot hole.

Oh I feel that about her being bullied. I was bullied a lot at school too, and it always comes from kids that have something going on with their lives and just take it out on an easy victim. Though that kinda goes to show that Rose had received enough care by that point that she didn't turn full-on Eveline and never burst out using her powers to hurt other people. Or like, you know Stephen King's Carrie? That second doll puzzle where they prepare to throw something on the Rose doll from a bucket could have easily ended up in Rose losing it and killing them on the spot. And now I'm thinking, when K in the beginning cutscene tells her "You're not a freak!" or whatever, it feels like it's the first time Rose hears something like that. And it would make sense, considering it's a fake, only Miranda manipulating her. Geez Rose really doesn't have anyone to support her through this huh. Once again, Chris wants her to join his operation, but god forbid he supports her emotionally and helps her accept that she's not a monster.

No, only Ethan is there for her, and he's not even THERE. That "You have me" breaks me too, I'm going through Maxylobes' first time playthrough and seeing it again makes me wanna scream. My sweet Ethan! He really doesn't care if Rose has her powers or not, he only wants her to be happy in whatever way she wants to be. And he invests in it. Rose wants to remove her powers and is stubborn about it? Imma help my daughter out! Rose accepts her powers back in order to defeat Miranda and have a moment with me? I'm so very proud of my baby T_T

And yeah when Rose breaks the crystal, it's like she's at once and full-force reciprocating her dad's devotion. Like, it means a lot to me that in the main game, Ethan could have left the village at any given moment, yet he stayed and fought in order to save his daughter, even dragged himself back TO LIFE to complete that. And again, Rose has the chance to get out of the megamycete consciousness at any given moment, but she's determined to get rid of her powers… and it's a case of "the real treasure was the friends we made along the way" because she realizes that what she really wanted was not to get rid of her powers, but to embrace and accept them, and feel LOVED with OR without them. And Ethan's guidance, and support, and protection, and LOVE throughout the whole nightmare she was going through, no matter whether she got rid of her powers or kept them, is what helped her do exactly that. She didn't want to feel "normal"; she wanted to feel loved. Her classmates hated her for her powers; Chris seemed to only value her FOR her powers. And instead, Ethan shows her unconditional love, that powers or not, he loves her to death, literally.

Bruh I'm… I'm… I need a moment. I had so many reservations about this DLC but GOD did it give me so much more than I could ever have expected.

[itstheimpossibledream]

Only A Play

Part 5 

Word Count: 2213

Pairing: AU Henry x FemBlack!Reader

Warning:  Smut, Angst, Some fluff

Summary:  Can reader & Henry work out their differences or will they be better apart? Breakup sex? Idk it’s the finale let me know what you think!

“ and that’s when I packed my things and came to New York.” Henry finishes.

 You’d been looking down at your hands, trying not to get lost in his features while he spoke, knowing the tabloids would make a day out of it. Angling the photograph and captioning it something cheesy about ‘love being in the air’ or the fact that you’re ‘just in time for Valentine’s Day’. The dating speculations you could take but, the photographic evidence that made your mom ask questions was a different story entirely.Since the show had opened the two of you toured from interview to interview and then performed at night. The day usually culminating in a needy fuck at his apartment or in your dressing room if he couldn’t wait. You stayed at his place often and while it was still mostly in booty-call  territory, (despite the previous year of apartment crashing and drunk declarations of love) the dinners and breakfasts remained consistent. You answered the interviewer’s questions calmly but,nothing could have prepared you for the final follow up. He turns to Henry, “And so aside from your new relationship(he motions to you),have you made any other friends during your time in New York?” He only hesitated slightly,before answering. He smirks but,the curve of his lip is gone before you know it. “I have really enjoyed working with her, and I hope our artistic relationship will flourish long after this production has ended.” he smiles diplomatically while reaching for your hand.“As far as new friends I believe my doorman Jason and I have gotten pretty close.” he laughs. When he laughs, the whole world laughs with him and the audience is no exception.Eventually , the hours of embarrassment have passed and you’re being rushed back into a cab to Henry’s apartment. 

“So what was that?” you say as he closes the door, sliding into the car behind you. 

“What?” he asks blissfully unaware of your annoyance. 

“That whole continuing relationship thing?”you push.

“I said artistic relationship.” he corrected sternly.

 “ You gave them ammo.” you cut back quickly.

“And so what? Two people in a romantic play together are speculated to date?How awful.” He grumbles. 

“You don’t get to make a choice like that before talking to me about it.”

“It wasn’t a choice, it was the truth.” he quips back sternly.

“A truth that will put the tabloids on my ass.It’s been bad since we opened the show but, you and I both know this is only going to make it worse.” you mirrored his tone, clearly losing your cool at the idea of being followed to your apartment by cameras. 

“Well you can stay with me as long as you need.” He says, firmly setting his jaw.You roll your eyes towards the window, Watching the people who pass by. 

“So, this is what it was about? control ?”

“Please!” He scoffs “I don’t need the paparazzi holding your apartment hostage,to get you to stay at my place.You’re practically there every night anyway.” It comes out sounding like more of a complaint than he had meant for it to. Your blood boils with resentment of his comfortability.You can feel the heaviness in your eyes when the car pulls up to his ‘flat’. A term you had started using sarcastically but had slowly begun to stick. Even now, you despised that while being a convenient fuck , he had permeated your subconscious enough to make you even think to refer to it as a flat. 

“What’s on your mind?” he finally asked, breaking the silence that had been holding court in the elevator. He didn’t sound like he really wanted to know, infact he seemed like he was solely asking for courteous purposes and that was it. You turned your entire body to face him, you could feel that no matter how hard you were trying your face had begun to break. 

“You know, you were right. There’s no reason for me to be here.” your lips upturned in a smile as you saw the glassyness of your eyes reflected in his face. It was an odd pain , not one you could name but, one you knew without a doubt was real. You had shared something special, he knew that. But, anyone could see that the lack of compatibility outside of the bedroom left the relationship forever doomed.He rolled his tongue between his lips and you couldn’t help but think of how blissful the silence was between you two. Someone had to say it, and in true fashion Henry was not strong enough. 

“ What are you talking about?!” He followed behind you into the hallway as you fled the elevator, opening the door to the apartment.

“We aren’t compatible Henry. You don’t get me. My lifestyle, my friends,my choices; you think it’s all a fucking joke or something. Well, it’s not,It’s not a fucking joke.It’s my real life. I know we play and talk about how much money you make but when it comes down to it I’ve never seen you put a red cent to helping anyone else. But, you watch me tithe everything I earn to give back to the communities that raised me. If you wanted to be with me, like really wanted to be with me,you would have already invested yourself in the things I find important. Instead, what you do is stand on red carpet at a black, trans fundraising gala and steal the attention once again.”

“I thought you were mad about the interview, now you’re mad about the gala?!?”

“I’m mad about all of it!” you screamed directly into his beautifully manicured face. Not an eyelash out of place and yet he still couldn’t contend with the neatening of his moral compass. 

“I’m mad because you center yourself in any safe space for people of color I take you to.I’m mad because you don’t ask for my opinion or consent before doing anything, because you don’t care.Actually, I’m not even mad anymore.I just see it for what it is.”The tears had started to slowly flow now, and while your pride kept you from full on sobs,a total breakdown was on it’s way without a doubt. You removed your bag from your shoulder,sitting it in the chair by the door and headed to your bedroom. You had graduated from the guest bedroom, to mostly staying in Henry’s bed with him, a convenience thing really. 

“And what is it?” he asked , finally unable to continue being berated by you.

“A mistake.” you said calmly, what had to be mere minutes felt like passing hours, the two of you standing there, looking at eachother, seeing the relationship for what it was. 

He spoke first.

“I love you.” his baritone timbre you had become so accustomed to sounded far away, you questioned if you had even heard him clearly.

“I love you, does that not matter to you at all?”he sounded stern, almost scolding you for not immediately reciprocating his affection.

“It’s not real Hen.” you said between tears “Someone who loves me, wouldn’t need me to explain all the ways his privilege consistently harms me. I wouldn’t have to ask him to donate to causes I’m passionate about, causes I’ve devoted my whole life to getting fundraising for. Someone who loves me would not make party conversation about how their black girlfriend has to sleep with a bonnet on.” He was silent,now. He stepped towards you, closing the void of misunderstanding.

“I'm sorry that I ever made you feel as though you aren’t the most important thing in the world to me.” He kissed your forehead, and then on the top of your head. 

He whispered into your hair but, you could feel his voice reverberating  through your curls.

“Can we not fight tonight ?” You exhaled, relaxing the weight of your body into his. You didn’t have to fight anymore because you heard his answer loud and clear. He didn’t want to fight because he couldn’t.  He could not think of something important enough to cause him discomfort,couldn’t think of anything worth his unhappiness. He placed his hands on either side of your face, pulling you in for a kiss. You kissed him back slowly, making up your mind to give in to your emotions for one last time. A spark went through your body as you felt his hands trail their way over your curves. You tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt and he quickly obliged,pulling it over his head. He lightly pushes you towards the bed and when he rolls ontop of you it feels more like a safety net than a sexual maneuver. Even as he undresses you, slowly, kissing over your body. He touches you so gently,assigning value to every square inch of your skin.Before long he’s looking into your eyes as he thrusts into you, rutting his way  inside you of.Your breath hitches as you begin to synchronize your breathing with his, becoming one, breathing as one whole. He held the backs of your knees, pushing them up further into your chest.You cried out at the depth of the new angle and he smiled, moving a hand from the back of your knee to your neck, lightly applying pressure. You loved his hand around your throat, the way his veins looked, the muscles in his arm , all of it. And he knew that, he was pulling out all of his best moves tonight. 

“You’re so bloody beautiful right now.so tight for me.” He murmured close, into your ear. 

His dirty talk alone sent you over the edge but, the added view, from this angle of his body was everything a partner could want. He moaned as he pushed into you , the result of your walls tightening around him. Your spasms brought him over the edge,as he came into you.You latched your nails onto the skin of his back, clawing for safety in his embrace. 

“I love you. I love you.”he said in between kisses as he came down from the high of physical contact. “I love you too.” you returned the words, because they were true and in that moment, nothing could have been more honest.He rolled over onto his back and you snuggled up next to him.

“I do love you” he whispers into your hair. The room is dark,aside from a sliver of light where the moon shone through the blinds. He slowly runs a hand over your hair and down your back.

“Then why haven’t I met your parents yet?” you sighed,turning your head upwards to face him.

The loudest silence of the night fell over the room, that was what made it real to him. He couldn’t deny it anymore. Even he knew, he had never invited you to visit his family, or even out to dinner when they were visiting in the states. You didn’t know if it was that he was embarrassed , or that he just didn’t know how to tell them. You weren’t even upset anymore, as much as you were resigned to the fact that you had to begin putting yourself first, to choose your needs first. And whether you wanted to admit it or not, if you were honest with yourself you knew he wasn’t the one. His brows furrowed and you could tell he was running through every possible response. His hand smoothed it’s way over your hair again and while you had resigned to the fact that it was over you couldn’t help but allow a piece of your heart to break as you saw his eyes become glassy. 

Before long he was fast asleep above you. Henry would be leaving the show, for another movie gig in two weeks but, since the  first rehearsal you hadn’t spent a day without Henry, or Kal for that matter. Sun peeked through the shades as you redressed yourself in the dark , you couldn’t be sure if this was something you wanted, or simply something you knew you had to do. You looked back at that beautiful apartment one more time,and then finally closed the door behind you. You recall the first time you entered the building, that day you had been instructed to bond as you step into the elevator. Watching the city below through the glass,a flicker of light catches your attention, then another and you realize it’s snowing. It had been a full year since the first time you had actually spoken to him. The doorman held the door for you,as you sparked your lighter. Touching the flame to the end of your cig as you stroll down the street.

[heistheghostking]

Holy shit I have so many thoughts about this episode of Kollok! First of all I have to talk about how absolutely phenomenal this episode looked. It was so fucking cool to see them all up and about and interacting with each other. And seeing Jude as Jude and not just the Driver! I am constantly impressed and surprised by how innovative the folks at hyper are. So fucking impressive!

Now for lore!

First off the black rock is a "prison of doubt" and the doctor (is it Dr. Sweets idk) specifically brings out a person's dark side. So Tibby's time in the black rock must have really fucked with him and I'm interested to see how it affected Mallory. I also find it interesting how Tibby has been isolating himself when connecting with others is what counteracts the doubt.

Also who the fuck was the meta dude. Like he doesn't sound like the driver but he was kind of talking like he was. Is it just like Zac? Or someone else we haven't seen? I love how they kind of addressed the sudden stop in season 2 to now a whole new arc in season 3. Like the meta guy mentioning that the story never was completed. I'm gonna dissect the hell out of that scene cause i NEED answers!

Seeing everyone break down just makes me want to give everyone a hug! Like I know they've all messed up and down fucked up things but I hate seeing them so hard on themselves. It was nice to see them lift each other up. Even Syd's penis comment.

Rip AJ left behind in the black rock but I'm so fucking happy Mallory got out! I am so looking forward to it/when the ascended and legacy meet up and everyone gets to see Mallory! Although I know Tibby is not gonna be happy to see him and I just hope Tibby doesn't immediately kill him or anything :/

Every freaking episode leaves my mind racing in best fucking way but this episode in particular!!!!! I have so many thoughts and no one to dump all of them on so I'm just gonna keep screaming into the void

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[fktonofwhatnow]

ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

[miraclerizuin]

tl;dr i have an unhealthy relationship with a tv show

hello, void!  I stumbled out of a weird anxiety-depression fog at the end of last week and I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell was up and I am dismayed to report that it seems to have something to do with supernatural

a 1000-word contemplation of Why Am I Like This.  with pet pictures (I am bribing you to read about my feelings)

when I tell people that I quit watching spn in 2011 bc it wasn’t bringing me joy anymore I feel like there’s some pieces of that process that get glossed over.

here is what it felt like: I’ve got this friend I’ve been watching season 6 with, we laughed and screamed over frontierland and the french mistake, and am I letting her down if I drop the show now?  I wanna know if sam is gonna be ok and will dean and cas ever reconcile, so will I regret it if I stop following the story?  I’ve already abandoned covert affairs and heroes and ncis and fringe, what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to stick it out with tv shows?

(and there’s a part of me like “it’s just a show, nobody cares, it’s just a show”)

when I was eighteen and lonely and hadn’t made any friends yet in college I rebuilt my entire personality around supernatural (castiel) and invested myself so deeply that my mental health became closely linked to how things were going with supernatural (castiel) and I did all of that in the space of six months and then

I realized that I just wanted it to be a different show.  not all the time!  there is still the meaning of family and the nature of destiny and fighting to have a choice even when all the choices seem bad, and making friends and making jokes and carving a strange but special sort of life out of a difficult world.  but never letting anything new take root in the status quo of Sad Man Time, so often insisting on a cold and uncaring view of the universe, so much white cis heteronormativity at a time in my life when I was opening my eyes to all the things that were not that.  and I was talking about it to anyone who would listen and what I got back was “why do you watch it if it makes you so angry”

(it’s just a show!!!  just stop watching it if you’re not having fun!)

I didn’t like the toxicity I often saw from the fandom, but I also got to know some cool people.  (a couple cool people?  maybe just one person?  jeez.) and the absolute wealth of fanfic that inspired me to think about the story and characters in new ways and to write about them myself.  there is not another thing in this world that I have written more words about, for better or for worse.  there are kind people and cool people and thoughtful people using this weird-ass show to make beautiful art.  after I quit watching, I slowly drifted away from all of it.  the fun stuff and the bullshit.

(why would anyone even have noticed that you left?  you were just lurking the whole time ffs)

so now it’s several years later, several years of me inwardly flinching anytime anyone mentioned spn in my hearing, and I decided to watch the final season.  I had this ridiculous notion that it would give me closure, and maybe if they hadn’t even aired that goddamn finale I could have had peace when I was done idk. but after all this time I was still in love with the “secret good supernatural that lives in my head” and I started trying to put it down on paper and that is how I wound up picking up the show again, roughly from where I left off.

I had learned that I didn’t have to watch every episode, no matter what my perfectionism says.  but even trying to limit myself to episodes that I hoped would “spark joy,” it quickly turned into a chore.  I wanted to know what happened, I wanted to see the parts I wanted to see without slogging through the things that bored me, the endless string of deaths of supporting characters, especially women, the frequent absence of my favorite character even after he started being credited as a series regular.

(lmao if you’re just watching for destiel you’re setting yourself up for disappointment)

and I talk about it to anyone who will listen.  my family is definitely tired of it by now (again) and I gotta give a shout-out to my friend who has never seen a single episode of spn and yet has read all my fics and listens to my rants.  a hero, an icon, an inspiration, etc, they are probably reading this and they know who they are.  it would be cool to have other fans to talk to more, but I always struggle to reach out…

I’m still loving writing about it.  and there are still parts I want to watch, but I think I’m gonna have to dial it way back.  I was treating it as research for my fics and that turned it into work.  it shouldn’t be work.  I already have a full-time job which I am being paid actual money for, and making myself miserable, like, actually miserable, in pursuit of a hobby is not part of it.

(just dump him already???)

supernatural is not, in fact, actively trying to ruin my life. it is a show that ended over a year ago that has other fans who like other things about it, probably.  my relationship to it is something I have the power to control, insofar as I have control over anything in my life.

I would be a profoundly different person if I hadn’t, as a supposedly-straight college freshman, seen a certain former tumblr user who is now a NYT bestselling author posting about these 2 sad dudes and their unintended love story and been like “hmm, that’s interesting, hope it doesn’t awaken anything in me!”

(it’s just a show it’s just a show it’s just a show)

got any spn episodes from seasons 10-14 that bring joy to your heart?  in a bad place with a show/book/movie and need to vent?   wanna hear more about my own personal secret good supernatural?  my askbox is always open & I am downtownfishies on twitter and ao3 and my current project tag here on tumblr is #keep your heart young

[belongtothewcrld]

Just wanted to say a few words about those who made my year ~ (SORRY THIS IS LONG) 

@idiot-juice-enthusiast​ - My sweet baby, where do I begin? I treasure you so much, I know I tease you a lot. BUT I am soo happy you decided to leave me an ask, despite you know, my stupidity. You are so funny and just, idk, BRIGHT. Maybe it’s because you’re still young or maybe it’s because you’re just a ball of light, idk. EITHER WAY. I am so thankful to have you in my life. When my friends slowly started leaving me in RL you were the first one who started to fill that void so like.... tHANKS. Happy New Year, my child! Love you!! 

@haikyuufairy - My shooting star, oh gosh. You not only have made my year by being my friend but by blessing me with stories that really shake up my whole existence LMAO. You are incredibly talented, and I just wish the best for you. You deserve so much happiness and success. You’re a beautiful soul inside and out, and the whole world should know it! I want you to know that I really do mean everything I’m saying, because you deserve to be showered in love and compliments. and as long as you keep me around, I will remind you of your worth. >:) I love you, and happy new year! 

@toikiwi​ - you peanut head, what should I even say to you. >:) You are very forgetful, funny and sweet. For some weird reason though you chose to care about me so deeply and for what??? I AM HORRIBLE. do I deserve your affection? probably not. BUT DO I APPRECIATE IT? yes. I never had a friend like you, and I’m really glad we met. ;-; you’re one of a kind. Love you and happy new year! 

@alluringeternity​ - my bestiee. we went from you sending me asks, to watching movies on zoom like I think that’s a whole ass victory. despite our time differences, we make this friendship work and I think that’s sexy ;) I really love talking with you, I know you once thought I’d get bored of you BUT HAHA BITCH IT NEVER HAPPENED. you’re stuck with me forever. I can’t wait until we meet up so then I can cling to you for all eternity. :D MWAHAH love you and it’s not the new year anymore for you so like happy Jan 2nd or something idk LOVE YOU 

@suna-r1n​ - lilyyy, my little duckie, my crybaby friend. I adore you, truly. I’ve never gotten so attached to someone so quickly until you LMAO. I mean I always loved when you would send me random messages but then we ended up talking much more frequently and honestly it was everything. You are so sweet and just... squishy. I’m really glad we became friends and started talking more, because you really are someone I cherish and want to protect >:) so be safe this new years eve, little shit! I love you.  

@4fterh0urs​ - Pheebz you crazy ass ho. JK. You’re just crazy ;) But I respect it. You have made me laugh so many times from the shit you post idk you’re just cool, I GUESS!? You’re also v moral I FEEL? sometimes when everyone else is silent about shit that’s fucked you’re not and I really respect you for it. I feel like we’re similar in weird ways and I really love talking with you. I hope you have a great new years eve, bbs!! love youu. 

@chaichai-the-weeb​ - my fellow Canadian!! I’m still pressed we haven’t met in RL yet but IT WILL HAPPEN!! I’m really glad I ended up messaging you when you left tumblr awhile ago, because now I feel like we’ve become such good friends. ;-; You and I don’t have the best track record with friends but HEY at least now we have each other? It’s amazing though how quickly we went from strangers to good friends LMAO our personalities really work. <3 I know you’re spending today watching anime lol so ENJOY IT. I love you and happy new years! 

@haikyuusimp91​ - my law school buddy ;-; You not only support the fuck out of my stories but you are an amazing friend. anytime I have law school worries you’re always there for me and I love it so much. I appreciate all you do, even if I don’t say it enough! you put up with me and my psycho ass and honestly idk how you do it BUT I’M GLAD YOU DO. I really hope this year treats you better because you fucking deserve it all. I love you a lot, missy ;-; Sometimes I feel like you’re the older sister I never had - BUT LIKE DON’T BE WEIRDED OUT OK DFGHJKL love YOU BYE (AND HAPPY NEW YEAR) 

@aquariarose​ - my little bodyguard. I have never met anyone with a heart like yours. gold. you are fucking GOLD. at first when we didn’t talk much, I would love whenever you talked about my stories with me. because you always seemed so happy about them and it would make my whole day!! I love talking with you daily and hearing about your life, because honestly girl you living in a shoujo manga LMAO. GO GET YOUR MAN OKAYYYYY hahah I love you sm!! I hope you have a great new years! 

@bloody-bella - BELLA OH BELLAAAA, MY SWEET BELLAAAA. hi. :D can I start off by saying you have a cute af voice? like excuse? okay back to the point, YOU. your support is why I was able to finish my stories TRUST ME. your little cute comments and asks, it gave me the courage to * write * LOL. I’m so glad that you joined my among us game and started talking with me more ;-; because I really do wanna get to know you more!! I feel like we may lowkey be twinsies in odd ways ;) BUT I hope you have a lovely new years eve my love!! <3 

@yourstarvic - vic the hoe ho. somehow you went from this funny girl with a CRINGE ass UN to one of my good friends?? Your support for my stories has always meant so much to me. I’m always looking forward to hearing your thoughts and listening to you scream about shit LOL. I’m glad we started talking more, because I love your company. Even when you’re telling me something weird af or being horny for NO ASS REASON. You’re a weird one but I love ya. Have a happy new year! 

@nerdyphantomlady​​ - my angel of music! you are sucha joy. I adore you so much. I’m really glad that I started talking with you more because you’re sO DAMN CUTE. talking with you melts my heart because you’re just this small ADORABLE BEAN WHO I LOVE. I know you don’t understand iT BUT I AM RIGHT. I know you’re worried about your test coming up but I know 2021 is gonna be your year! MWAH. I love you and happy new year! 

@pha2nt0m​​ - gOSH I just need to tell you that you were the reason I was able to finish “let’s do it again” your support means the world to me!! you’re so damn sweet and supportive like idk what I would have done without you??? so thank you so much. I really hope this new year brings you happiness, success and good health!! <33

@newfriendjen​​​ - Jen, I love you WHAT THE HECK. You were one of my first followers, in the early days ;-; and you supported me with your whole heart and I CAN NEVER SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH. The thing that I love about you is that you’re not one of those cocky asshole writers who think they’re god’s DFGHJ like you are kind, supportive of others and talented? like SHIT??? you deserve everything because you are the whole package!! you are honestly the ideal - AAAH. I love this new year brings you love and happiness!! <3 

@sugawarabby​​​​ - my lovely, we’ve spoken only a handful of times but each time meant a lot to me! you’re a true delight and I really wish you the best for the next year. I know 2020 wasn’t the best for you but you deserve a happy, love-filled 2021. MWAH. <3

@vicassa​​​ - my love, you and your support to my stories is unmatched. I know you think that spamming me would bother me but it never did! I loved talking with you and hearing about your days. when you’re less busy, come talk with me again, hm? Because I loved talking with you. You’re a sweet sweet little bean and I adore you so very much. ;-; But happy new year!! 

@hyskoa1998​​ - hi my love. our schedules rarely match up but I always loved reading your reactions and talking with you ;-; I hope we can talk more this year because I really do wanna be your friend IF YOU WILL HAVE ME. But happy new year! I hope it’s an amazing one. 

@tsukkismamagucci​​​ - your comments on every single smau - GOLD. everything you post is just so funny or accurate!! everytime your name popped up in my notifications I would be so excited!! or whenever you sent me asks my heart would make some weird ass noises. ;-; so thank you for being so wonderful. I love you and happy new year!! 

@kara-grayson04​​ - one of my first friends on here, and a whole ass little fighter! Thank you for supporting me in my early days on my writing account and for spamming me with funny stuff! you’re someone with a bright future ahead of you and I really wish you the best for 2021! 

@chibishae34​​​ - MY OIKAWA PROTECTION SQUAD BUDDY. I have told you this before but again, you are too good for this world and me. I can’t believe you’ve been here since my first smau and it took me so long to start talking with ya. :( that’s my regret for the year. I wish we started talking sooner because you’re sucha joy. thank you for being the amazing person you are though, your support and friendship mean so much to me. I hope you have an amazing 2021. MWAH. 

@chocolaterumble​​ - you’re not even on tumblr anymore eh? BUT when you see this, know that I appreciated everything you did for me and our conversations. you’re a kind idiot who really needs to develop a backbone. :)) I say that in the nicest way possible :* Just know 2021 is YOUR year, so make it your bitch. you can have the whole world if you try putting your effort into things that matter. just learn to believe in yourself, aLRIGHT? because you’re fucking awesome. 

@dope-squish​​​​ - one, wHERE THE HECK ARE YOU? I hope you’re okay and safe. ;-; I miss you. it’s not the same without youuu. who else will make my day with funny reactions and memes? but for when you do read this, thank you for being...you. You are so unique, funny and just talented. idk. you’re spectacular like spiderman. thank you for being my friend and supporting me. I hope the new year treats you well. <3 love ya! 

@swoonhui​​​ - my silly love! thank you for supporting me through it all and trusting me with your troubles. I always love seeing messages from you or asks, because you really are wonderful and likeee I WANT TO PROTECT. haha. I hope you’re having a safe and happy new years eve, missy!! Stay happy. I love you. 

@astronomyturtle​​ - shout out for being one of my first supporters and for being a full on badass!! hahaha. no but really. you are amazing, and I really want to thank you for everything. you supported my shit stories and my good ones, and that really means so much. I hope you have a great new years!! 

@dreamstormings​​ - hellooo, I just wanted to thank you for your support. it means sosososo much to me. and regarding the stuff we talked about recently, everything you said just demonstrates what a wonderful person you are. thank you for ... existing >:) and happy new year! <3 

@rajablast​​ - hii, I just wanted to thank you for always sending me kind and sweet asks ;-; it really means a lot to me. I hope you have an amazing new years eve or new years day!! <3 

@elianetsantana​ - hii. ;-; I know we only started talking recently but it made me really happy so pls don’t be weirded out by me adding you here. <3 I hope in the new year we can talk moree! because you seem super lovely. ;-; 

[vintage-morning-wine]

some thoughts on chog

so i just finished Chain of Gold and while i cannot say any more new stuff bc y’all already said what i was thinking i want to rant a bit about some -annoying- things

who tf is colette verlac if i may ask? i know the family tree is a big fat joke but is still on my brain. is just smth that’s tickling on me if that makes sense

christopher and grace. if it’s rly gonna happen is it an arranged marriage?

guns. angelic power guns. i dont rmbr any guns in the first series, im pretty sure they’re not a thing. but we know that james has one from the art. so? are they gonna be that powerful that the clave will just erase any mention of them? what’s going to happen to christopher? i became so attached to how little info we have on him as a shadowhunter and as a person that i just need to know!

grace=nene?? i saw the theory around and i cant help but wonder

blackthorns. why are they so important?

charles. i do not understant him or the road his character is taking

is clary’s ancestor charles or matthew? why it makes so little sense for it to be charles?

let’s be honest - this is arguably the best work of cassandra. just, the way the characters are moving around, the way they are presenting themselves, the way the plot is coming together. i truly enjoyed it. when i think that i might have never came to read it bc i was so so bored by the first chapter of city of bones. pfff. but at the same time, is easier to read smth when you know the characters or the author’s work

jesse blackthorn. that’s it. it’s not at all smth annoying i just love him a lot

belial. sht. didn’t see that coming but i guess it makes sense. tessa was changing herself by kind of stealing the identities and belial is the prince of thieves. long reach or not it kind of makes sense and you must admit it

thomas is such a gay disaster! i love him so much god!! ‘all carstairs are coming?!’ i love him 

i know a lot of y’all are screaming into the void about matthew but, while i love him with all my heart and i know what he did or what he thinks he did so why he thinks he needs to punish himself im quite sure he’s going to destroy himself. i dont think there’s ever going back from it. im really sorry, i am, but alcoholism is a real think. i just hope he’s gonna be happy at some point in the future

that brings me to WHAT TF CASSIE? ANOTHER LOVE TRIANGLE? i cannot anymore. plus-it just doesn’t feel natural. is it just me or this makes just little sense? i mean it kinda makes. like matthew was there all the time, in the background or not, just around cordelia. so yeah, maybe he found time to fall in love. but. idk. i will need to see it more closely to actually feel it. it isn’t that i don’t like it. i would love it. i just need to watch it more closely bc i wasn’t expecting it at all

i saw around some things about alastair so im not gonna add more. im just saying that i truly love him more than i thought i would. so thanks cassie. love ya. 

anna lightwood! i don’t wanna anger anybody but i thought i would hate her. not bc of her characterization but bc almost everyone was screaming about her without Saying anything. so i didn’t know anything about her. i haven’t read any book outside of the main series except some stories that jumped brighter on my home page, so yeah. no info whatsoever. BUT! i, just. love her so much. im- yeah i have no words. her power as a being is simply too much

i adore how reckless lucie is! just. so stubborn and dumb-smart. a true herondale. her character is like an ice bucket but also the first flower of spring. i just feel like she’s smth new. anna is too but while i saw her art and drew some conclusion, about lucie i knew just that she was james’s sister. i saw her art once and didn’t think much of it, so it was nice to find out she’s cool

so per total this is all. i may have some theories but when it comes to it, who doesn’t? if there are some major mistakes (in grammar or info) please tell me. bye,,