#Idk if I ever mentioned it before but I genuinely wasn't a fan of him at first HAJAHSJD

[lovinglin]

Ooooo the blorbo bingo card with pico👀👀👀👀

I was expecting this from a mile away (/pos) considering how much I talk abt him, so here u go!! Pico makes me feel... a lot of things as u can see 😭🏃‍♀️ /lh /pos

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 2

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 2.8K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

I had a real rough time figuring out the proper voice for Pedro's dialogue and I hope I did him justice. Either way, the support I received for part 1 is astounding and completely unexpected! Thank you all for reading and let me know what you think :) I plan to continue until the story wraps up, but I don't know how many parts that will be. I hope to post every couple days, but with my work schedule it may be less speedy. Here we go!

You walk in the door, unclipping Skip's leash, slipping off your shoes, and dropping your keys on the countertop before flopping onto the couch and unlocking your phone. No. Fucking. Way. 

Pedro Pascal (pascalispunk) replied to your message. 

You dissected each letter of the username, assuming it couldn't possibly be THE Pedro Pascal… but it was. It really, really was. You clicked the message, holding your breath.

Pedro Pascal replied to you: "Hey, you don't need to thank me. I didn't say anything that wasn't true. That guy was out of line. You deserve happiness and I'm sorry for the harsh words you've been hearing. I appreciate you sharing your vulnerability with the world and hope that you will continue to be your genuine self and ignore the comments trying to make you be someone else. Don't listen to those people."

You stared in disbelief at his words, once again wondering why he would ever be so kind to someone he doesn't even know. Someone so childish and stupid to write a song about a man she doesn't know. I can't imagine he'd think these things if he knew it was about him…

You: "Thank you Mr. Pascal. I'm a big fan of yours and hearing that you're in my corner has me completely at a loss. I can't imagine why you would risk damaging your image by defending a girl…" No… don't say girl, it makes you sound like a child. You want this guy to like you! You backspace with a slight feeling of ridiculousness over the whole scenario. Ugh it's all wrong… calm down... calm down… it's just a conversation. He doesn't know you. He doesn't like you. Don't make it weird like you always do.

You try again.

You: "Thank you Mr. Pascal. I really admire your work and for you to say such kind things to me… to think that you're in my corner, has me completely at a loss for words. I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment when you don't even know me, especially when coming to my defense could potentially harm your image… but thank you."

He read it almost immediately. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt like you could throw up from the anxiety and adrenaline. After a few seconds, those stress-inducing dot-dot-dots appeared to show you he was typing.

He's actually replying to me?? Again? Doesn't he have better things to do? 

Your mind wandered to what he might be doing while he's messaging you. Sitting at his home, relaxing, taking the time to reply to you? Why? Maybe he's on a plane or waiting for something and killing time. Maybe he's- *ping*

Pedro Pascal replied to your message:

"Please, you can call me Pedro.. and as far as defending you, it doesn't matter to me that we don't know each other personally. You seem like a woman with a good heart, and all you did was share your true self. Nobody deserves to be talked poorly about for something harmless that they feel. If something like that hurts my image… then my true self wasn't being represented. I think we all just want to be seen, and I hope that you will feel comfortable to be yourself and show yourself more."

You don't know when you started crying, but you hiccupped with the overwhelming wave of emotions. He sees me.. you had just scrolled to the bottom of the long reply, when you noticed the "..." of typing again. He has more to say?!

Pedro Pascal: "As far as the subject of your song.. whether you choose to reveal that to him, or the world, you deserve love and respect. Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is a terrifying thing to do, and I myself tend to close myself off from relationships to avoid that potential for getting hurt. But if that's what you want, you've already taken a big step and you should go for it. I hope that whoever he is gives you the respect and love you deserve."

Holy crap…

He doesn't… he doesn't know it's him right?? No. There's no way. He's just being nice… he's too nice. He's too genuine..??

Your thumbs hover over the keyboard, doing a little dance in the air, pondering what to say. How much can I share with this man? Between this crush and his kind words, it's feeling tricky to hold back from spilling too much information.

You: "Thank you Pedro. You're too kind and I can't properly explain how much I really appreciate it. I'm having trouble coming to terms with all the sudden attention, and finding it hard to ground myself. But your words are helping me a lot. I - "

You hesitated over your next words, wondering if you should open up or just leave it. Don't be weird… don't scare him away like you always have with everyone else. As much as you think of disclosing your hesitation and lack of experience with relationships, as well as your reasons for trepidation, you decide to spare him of your self-hatred. Instead, you delete that last letter and hit send. 

Then you send another message, like he did. "And as far as the guy… I know I don't know him personally, we've never met, but I can already tell he would treat me right. I just hope maybe someday he will love me back."

Immediately after sending it you regretted it. That felt way too open and vulnerable. What are you thinking!?! Shit… what if he sees through you!?

You hold your finger down on the message, ready to hit unsend before he sees it. But it's too late. He's already replying.

Pedro: "He would be stupid not to love you back."

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

You: "Thank you, Pedro. 🥺" Play it cool… Play it cool…

Pedro: "Of course, sweetheart. Feel free to message me if anyone else gives you trouble or you just want to chat. I enjoyed talking with you."

???!!!!!?????!!!!! SweetheartSweetheartSweetheart

You grabbed your nearest pillow and screamed into it. "SKIPPPPPEERRRRRRR!!!!!! I JUST HAD A CONVERSATION WITH PEDRO AND IT WAS MAGICAL AND AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" You squealed.

Skipper lifted his head at you and sighed before setting his head back down. He was no stranger to your shenanigans. Napping after a good walk was a better use of his energy than to deal with your drama. He closed his little brown eyes again.

You lay back on the couch, kicking your feet and squeezing your pillow to your body.

Fuck, this is going to hit me like a truck if it goes sour. If he even realizes it's about him, probably. Crap… what am I going to do?

The next day, you woke up and checked your emails before work. Thankfully nobody at your workplace has seemed to place your singing voice to your speaking voice, or pieced together the fact that several people know you have a crush on a certain celebrity and are a musician. Thank goodness. That’s the last thing you need.

You closed your eyes for a few minutes, trying to calm your breathing, your nerves, and your heart rate, before relaxing and shaking out your body. Finally, you decided to get ready for bed and see what tomorrow brings.

Your emails come in, one by one, with one intriguing email at the top, from a well known pop-culture show called The Jazz & Ally-Kat Show. They want to do an interview with you, live, as soon as possible. 

Great. They probably just want to see what I look like or have me spill my guts about my crush. You roll your eyes, and you can’t help but feel like the Mandalorian with his lack of face reveals. If only you had a cute little space baby to accompany you. I guess Skip is my own precious cargo in a way, you think, while looking at your still sleeping pup. You're being silly… Not everything needs to relate back to Pedro, you think with a sigh to yourself. 

Yet despite your anxiety, you agreed to their interview, with the exception that it was done as a podcast style interview, where simply your voices are featured. Surprisingly, they agreed. I guess everyone likes some drama, and what better way to get views than by having a little mystery.

The interview was scheduled for three days from then, and in the meantime you focused on work and your album, which was mostly finished after years of writing songs. All it needed was some editing.

As the days went by, you wanted desperately to message Pedro again. You wanted to tell him your feelings. Have him confess that he loves you too. Ask him about his family, his friends, his favorite things. Meet him, kiss him, fall in love, and finally be happy. But ultimately you knew that was silly. You had one little conversation, and although it was nice, you still didn't know each other. There was no way he loved you back. Yet…? you asked yourself, hopeful, almost asking for permission to let yourself try and earn his love. 

Despite Instagram drawing you in like a magnet, you held back from messaging him. You didn't want to come on too strong. You messaged him first last time. He doesn't know you. Literally… he doesn't even know your real name, or what you look like. But maybe that's a good thing…

_____The day of the interview:_____

You woke up around 9:30 in the morning; nervous, slightly nauseated, restless, and jittery. Why did I agree to this??! 

You decided to pass on the coffee this morning, figuring it would make things worse, and instead decided to take Skipper for a walk. After some fresh air followed by a refreshing shower, you looked at the clock. 11:30 AM. With the interview at 1PM, you still had some time to kill and sat down at the piano, letting your mind wander to Pedro while you plunked chords out with nimble fingers. I wonder if Pedro has ever wanted to learn any instruments… I could teach him, you daydream.

Your hands dance across the piano while he reads through a script in the other room, eyebrows furrowed as he highlights another line. You look up over the grand piano and see his soft brown curls blowing under the fan haphazardly. The sun is shining in through the window, which Skip bathes under, and reflects a golden brown undertone with gray streaks in Pedro's hair. He really is beautiful, you think. His tongue swipes across his lips as he makes notes and erases, before finally feeling your eyes on him. He glances up from the script, giving you a soft smile and a wink; with those chocolate brown eyes that frequently cause you to lose your train of thought. Your eyes drift down to the keys again, feeling a soft blush creep over your cheeks. 

"That music sounds beautiful, baby.." he says softly while padding up to you behind the piano. He places his large hands on your shoulders, sweeping them down over both your arms before settling on your hands, still resting over the black and white keys. You look over your shoulder and he leans in, closing his eyes as he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. Just like that scene in Narcos… you think. Yikes, I really am obsessed… anyway… you think back to your daydream…

He sits down at the chair next to your piano bench, kissing your lips again gently, then the corner of your mouth, your cheek, and your jaw. Your stomach gives a wave of butterflies and you lean in more to kiss him deeper, tugging on his hair while his hands find the small of your back, gently running his palms up your spine. A chill overcomes you and he-

~Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.~

Fuck. You snap out of your fantasy and turn off the alarm you set to go off ten minutes before the interview. At least I gave myself time to use the restroom and wash my face, you think, hoping to clear your head a bit now that you're slightly frazzled.

Unfortunately the feeling that replaced it was nerves as you sat down at your desk, typing into your keyboard, turning on your mic, and hoping that Skipper doesn't throw a fit over the wind or something while you're on this call.

Jazz: "Hi there listeners! We're joined by the artist of the moment, our favorite lovesick lady, the singer responsible for "Imaginary Love!"

Both women on the other end of the call applaud.

Well… not sure I like being called a lovesick lady but what else did I expect, really?

You: "Thank you guys for having me, I appreciate you wanting to get to know me better."

Despite the rough start, the ladies turned out to be really respectful and fun. You think that if the circumstances were different, you could actually be friends with them. You discuss casual things like your dog, your favorite activities and favorite pop culture topics (careful to avoid mentioning Pedro or any other actor that could be perceived as your lyrical subject), and they even mention celebrity crushes they've had growing up. 

At the mention of their celebrity crushes, you can feel the interview funnel into a dangerous alley with little to no escape. Jazz was the first to broach the subject. "So… we've just discussed our celebrity crushes, and I think I speak for all of us here when I say we're all very curious to know who-"

-an air horn blares-

What the hell is that? You wonder, both thankful for the interruption, yet startled by the disruption.

They both chime in: "Viewers!!! Do you all know what that sound is!?! We have reached 1 million listeners!!!!"

To say you were astounded is an understatement.

You: "You're kidding!? 1 million people are listening to us right now?"

Ally: "You bet they are! And listeners… I don't know about you guys… but I can't help but wonder if our celebrity heartthrob is one of those million?"

They turn their attention to you again. "What do you think? Think he's listening?"

You're thankful for the lack of a camera, because you can't help but blush at the thought. You'd be lying if you hadn't already considered (hoped) that he was listening too. 

Jazz: "So as we were saying… I think we all are in agreement that we want to know who he is. You sound like a nice enough girl, so what's holding you back? You've made it. You can contact him now and he'll probably reply."

I already have… you thought with a smirk.

Jazz continues: "Which brings me to the next point... I know you've had a lot of attention lately. You were signed to a record company, you were contacted by us, you've been mentioned by a few talk shows and celebrities. Pedro Pascal even publicly defended you. The radio has been playing your song nonstop and people can't get enough. What do you think of all this attention?"

You: "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit surprised and maybe a little scared," you answered with a nervous laugh. "But I am so thankful for the kind words that I receive and I love hearing from people who can relate to my music."

Ally: "You've certainly received your fair share of criticism too. It sounds like you received that before your song was ever published as well."

You: "I have, and it's been challenging to try and not let it get me down. But I'm trying my best, and the positives seem to be greatly outweighing the negatives," you state, your mind thinking of Pedro and how his messages were really the only positive you needed to get you through the dark storm of criticism.

Ally: "I guess what I'm wondering is.. among all these people contacting you.. has he?"

You try to play dumb: "Has who?"

Both interviewers laugh before Ally continues. "Nice try. You know who we're trying to find out about. Has he, the man of your dreams and star of your lyrics, contacted you at all? Will we see a romance blooming?"

Your stomach flipped. You were not expecting this question. Should you tell the truth??? It's not like they could know who has contacted you, short of hacking your account. You have had a lot of people contact you, after all.

You take a deep breath before answering. "I uh… I have received a lot of messages, some of them from celebrities."

They reply, and you can practically feel them leaning in. "Yeeeeaaaah?????"

You consider your next move, your heart really working overtime since this whole thing started. Finally you decide your answer.

"Yes. We've talked."

Looking for Track 1? Read it here!

Next chapter: Here!

~Thanks for reading! Stay ~tuned~ for more!

Taglist: Let me know if you want in :)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02

[wrongcaitlyn]

thoughts on i can fix him (no really i can)

sorry this isn’t abt the fic i have no more questions but your responses are so great 😭

DONT APOLOGIZE AT ALL I LOVE LOVE LOVE TALKING ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT like i honestly get worried that i talk about her too much a lot bc irl im always told i need to know how to have conversations about things OTHER than her so like knowing that y'all wanna know my opinions on these things is actually the coolest thing ever and i love it <333

first of all, i LOVE the vibes of it. i choose to try not to think about the source material of these things (i've never been the hugest fans of connecting songs to the actual artist who wrote them, idk it just feels invasive) so the entire time i was thinking abt lucy gray baird/coriolanus bc of a post that rachel zegler made months ago for tom blyth's bday with a tee-shirt that said "I can fix him" like idk i just KNEW the song was gonna be snowbaird coded AND I WAS CORRECT

the vibes seemed so cowboy like me like i was genuinely surprised?? the whole thing seemed like it was very taken out of modern society, and like, fugitive au, and i was recently just reading this 1870s small town au (had just finished it like the day before ttpd i think) and so i was SO HERE FOR THAT KIND OF VIBE

overall i just loveeeed the imagery in these lyrics. it's one of those songs where the production just matches the content so well and taylor is truly incredible at that!!

one of my FAVORITE lyrics (most def my fav of the song, possibly one of my favorites of the album was

They shake their heads sayin', "God, help her" When I tell 'em he's my man But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger

idk why but the way she said it, the lyrics, the "good lord doesnt need to lift a finger" like GOD it just scratched an itch in my brain so perfectly (the entire album, i felt like she was singing it perfectly, there were so many little moments where i was just like GOD THIS WAS SUNG EXACTLY AS IT NEEDED TO BE SUNG)

just reread the lyrics for this bc i wanna make a worthy response (if y'all EVER want an opinion on ANY taylor swift song or any other artist i've mentioned before like PLEASE feel free lyrical analysis is my entire life)

and like

i seriously have to stop with au ideas

bc just the mention of texas has me thinking OMG FUGITIVE NICO X COWBOY WILL SOLACE AU and im like STFU BRAIN YOU ALREADY HAVE TOO MUCH YOU'RE WORKING ON but like i mean its TEXAS

The dopamine races through his brain On a six-lane Texas highway His hand so calloused from his pistol Softly traces hearts on my face

and the way it just ends so suddenly with "woah maybe i can't" is just😭😭i cackled at that it was hilarious

conclusion: i haven't really re-listened to it bc it wasn't one of those songs that stood out to me in the first listen (i've been listening to the album on loop since it came out bc im still trying to process all the songs, but there were definitely some that i repeated over and over again bc they were my favorite). i don't really like ratings because i feel like every song has so much potential, and i just haven't understood it yet? like, particularly with taylor songs, i actually didn't like the folklore or evermore albums when i first listened to them. then when i did again, they become two of my favorite albums holding some of my favorite songs. so all i can say right now is that it isn't one of my favorites off the album, but i do love certain aspects of it!

[septembersghost]

Before I begin I must say I am a swiftie.

I love Taylor. Her music means a lot to me. It literally helped me in a lot of ways. But her recent actions have actually genuinely is upsetting to me(not saying she has to live the way I want her to but I feel really sad). Its just........he is a very disgusting person. He is someone who was literally m@********* in public and made misogynistic comments.

My biggest fury with him was when he called harry a queerbaiter. It was extra hard for me because harry's acceptance was what made me feel peace about my sexuality. I am still figuring out my sexuality and it's mostly fluctuating. He was the first person I saw say 'you dont have to tick every box'. He said that when I was questioning myself for the 100th time. Because if you want to come out to everyone you need a label right! He made me realise it's okay to not know everything and it felt like a warm hug from a friend. And watching M@** ***** call that person a 'queerbaiter' angered me to extreme and 'almost' destroyed my self esteem wondering whether everyone around me thought I was faking for attention too. I know him and Taylor have been friends for a long time but her being romantically linked with someone like that and being so carefree about it while he has been linked to 100th warranted controversy makes me feel sick in the stomach. It makes me wonder if she's like 'I know the things he said/did but I don't care ' and it hurts me so much to even think she feels that way. I know she is a good person and all that but.....the Taylor who made me feel accepted about being the odd kid in the school or the one who understood about my fear of growing up seems so far away. I feel so hurt by the fact that I am feeling this. I think I need to take a distance from her and her art and I don't know how long will that be.

Sorry if I bothered you with such a long paragraph but I feel you can understand this better than anyone here

hi love, i apologize it took me all day to answer this! so i'm going to be honest, i've been thinking about this specific situation ever since the first rumor surfaced, but i didn't address it since i know it sounds like fan-based bias, even though to me it's a larger issue than that.

let me digress for a moment - i've seen a lot of his fans try to defend the n*zi salute as "satire," and that it wasn't meant to be antisemitic, but as a jewish person, i find this deeply troubling, because, even as edgy ~performance art~, using such a direct symbol of hate is never okay (in conjunction with a lyric referencing someone who's been virulently antisemitic in public - and yes, the lyric itself is satirical criticism, but the combination of the two is unsettling, to say the least). it's concerning and it's hurtful and it's inappropriate, full stop. his non-apologies for his grossly racist and sexist comments are as well.

his antics onstage (i have to laugh at the raw steak thing somehow being a criticism of "toxic masculinity"...bro. what?) also cross a line from being performance art to being. ick. (UGH i'd forgotten that other incident you mentioned because it's gross and i blocked it from my memory. just. WHY!!!)

in truth, i had no idea who he was and had never even heard his name (though i was aware of the 1975, i never listened to them) until their album came out last year and suddenly he was spouting off everywhere and doing things and fans began to speak about the old rumors of he and taylor (which i dismissed out of hand, but now. idk). everything i've learned since has been against my will tbh.

which brings us to that awful queerbaiting comment. if you've followed me for any length of time, you know this is a particular hot button issue of mine, i just get incensed at the way that term is misused and weaponized against real people, and harry gets it in a particularly disgusting way because certain sections of the internet seem to feel a superiority complex in tearing him down for existing. never once has harry claimed to be a bastion of queerness or a trailblazer of fashion, and yet he's criticized for...what exactly? being himself? dressing however one chooses without being boxed in by gender expectations is exactly what we're meant to be aiming for, isn't it? not demanding someone's label and identity is supposed to be part of championing the community, isn't it? his choice to remain unlabeled matters. not only because it's no one's business but his own, but also because BEING an unlabeled/mspec person IS itself a whole identity. what matty said about this was appalling and WAY over the line, and particularly disrespectful since they're supposedly friendly. he had no right to make the comments that he did. he should've received more criticism for it than he did (and had he attacked anyone but harry, he probably would have).

(i wish what adam lambert said in response had gotten more traction. Automatically labeling looks and performances that aren’t cisheteronormative as queerbait is “almost underestimating the intelligence of gay people.”)

you feeling enraged and hurt by that is understandable, and you have every right to feel that way. it touches my heart to read that harry has helped you feel more at peace with your sexuality. i've mentioned before that i've grappled with what exactly mine is too and where i fall on whatever spectrum, and just the idea that we don't even HAVE to put a concrete definition on that, or that it's allowed to be fluid, is a relief. i also feel like there's a huge amount of bias where people forget that just because you haven't been in a relationship with someone of ___ identity/gender doesn't mean your own identity isn't real! you DON'T have to tick every box, and you ARE allowed to expand or change along the way, and you're still you and still valid! nobody has to have one set label forever, and nobody else is owed that explanation from you!

He made me realise it's okay to not know everything and it felt like a warm hug from a friend. 🥺💕💕💕 this is so sweet and i feel confident he would be touched by it too.

i am SO sorry that what matty said hurt you the way that it did, it was a reckless, thoughtless thing of him to say, and you and every other person who is working out their identity or who feels confident remaining unlabeled deserves better than him cruelly running his mouth. (which i also think had a level of jealousy in it, because, let's be honest here - he's never going to be harry, success-wise, and he also admitted harry declined to perform at his show, so). matty has frustrated and upset me on multiple occasions since i became aware of his behavior, and you're allowed to feel that way.

regarding taylor, as i said earlier, of course we have no control nor input over what she does or who she associates with, and much as we may love her, she is just a flawed human being too and she has made mistaken choices, and has overlooked behavior from others that perhaps she shouldn't have, or that we wouldn't ourselves, but only she can make those decisions for her life. i've seen a lot of disgust and concern over this on my dash, and i'm with everyone on all of that, but at the same time i think it's a bit of a wake-up call that she is her own autonomous woman whom we do not know personally, and we have to find our own ways to approach that boundary. if that means ignoring this until it blows over, if that means taking space away from her for a while, if that means making silly jokes. i think as long as we're not harassing others (which you would never! <3 but the uptick in cruel anons/death threats that have happened this past month make me sad and i wish everyone could take a breath and...not do that!), however we choose to deal with it is the best we can do. i tend to suspect she's been going through it, and maybe this won't last long, but that doesn't make it a great look nor is it unconcerning. regardless, you should do what's best for yourself and look out for your well-being. if that means detaching for a while, i promise it doesn't make you a bad fan, even though i know that hurts ("the Taylor who made me feel accepted about being the odd kid in the school or the one who understood about my fear of growing up seems so far away." though i'm older than you, this happened to me in my own sense during my 1989 disconnect. i really do get it, and seeing a similar pattern here is a bit painful). i also want to say that i think, knowing what we do know about her and her character and kindness, she'd still want you to feel accepted and loved, and wouldn't align with the trashy things he's said and done, but i understand why willingness to overlook it hurts as well.

thank you for confiding in me and letting this out, i know it's hard to talk about and feeling distanced from an artist with such meaning to you is a specific ache. the only advice i can give you is to step back however you need to, for however long you need to. whether you feel comfortable still holding onto her music but separating from her personally (and/or from tour), or whether you need space from all of it for a while, remember that it's always going to be there, and you can always come back. in the meantime, you can also turn to places and artists that are continuing to give you comfort (like harry, and i'm so glad he is that for you).

for what it's worth, i love you and i know your identity is worthwhile, and YOU are worthwhile, and you deserve to feel safe and embraced and seen. anywhere you go, you don't need a reason. 💛💛💛

[golbrocklovely]

i only blocked out the girls' names bc i don't want to drum up old drama for some of them especially when they don't even associate with colby anymore.

also there may be one or two girls i've only ever mentioned once on here so i don't want ppl to start asking about said girl when it's all old news and no one should really care about it at this point.

anyway…

i've heard whispers and seen one or two things of stas' roommate being a bit weird on twitter. idk if she's keeping track for stas' sake or bc she just genuinely thinks it's interesting. she also liked stuff about a fan that was getting hated on for being weird so… idk if it's for stas' benefit or bc she's curious. but it was weird to see her like something about shea.

as for shea keeping track of girls colby is friends with, while i haven't seen anything myself, i have heard about it before. i remember spooky at one point tweeting out "keep that bitch on a lease" and a lot of fans thought it was about shea. and i do remember the lives spooky and her friend used to do. i didn't really pay attention to them, but i think you can find a couple on youtube still. i know one i watched she mentioned colby and she was sorta happy to talk about him, but i think this was before her insta got suspended. i do remember ppl saying that she was upset bc he didn't keep his fandom in check, so… i think it's a little hard to tell whether or not it was our fandom or an adjacent fandom that got her account suspended.

as for the other girls, i heard about some of these but not all of them. regardless, i do agree with you that colby needs to stop hooking up with girls that are all in the same circle. it gets messy real fast. at least now he lives in a different state so maybe that won't happen lol

and i would love for him to start setting better boundaries when it comes to these girls. but god knows if that will ever happen. i've always been of the belief that either he doesn't know the full extent as to what they have done or he knows and just allows it to happen bc he forgives them when they apologize, even if they keep repeating themselves.

the fan in question wasn't american. but jake didn't dismiss her, he said in his video that bc ppl thought it was her, she had to go private. idk if that's true, but i do know she was getting hate at the time.

and those ss you're talking about, i've never seen them, but i have heard of them. and if it's true… that's crazy as hell to me. you want to talk about your own life with fans, sure. go ahead. but someone else's? why?? just so they think you're cool? absolutely lame.

[sebscore]

WANTING WAS ENOUGH | SEBASTIAN VETTEL & LEWIS HAMILTON

pairings: sebastian vettel x fem!reader, lewis hamilton x fem!reader

time: june 21, 2021

warnings: mention of cheating, idk reader and seb used to have a thing while he was in a relationship. mention of sex. also a mention of christian horner.

word count: 3.1k

author's note: this is the first fic i've written, so feedback is always welcome! reader or oc is a tennis player and she's confident… well she's french, so I guess that should explain everything. 

• • • • • • •

''Well, well, well… look who we have here.''

It wasn't a surprise to hear his voice, she came to watch the French Grand Prix and after all these years Sebastian Vettel was still one of the most popular names on the grid. 

She didn't immediately turn around, needing a few seconds to redeem herself from his sudden appearance. ''Mr. Vettel, how nice to see you here.'' A playful tone visible in her voice, putting a slight smirk on Sebastian's face. They greet each other with a kiss on each cheek, nothing much out of the ordinary. 

''It's been a while since I've seen you at a race.'' His hand lingered a bit too long on her shoulder in her opinion, she was painfully aware of all the eyes on them. 

She gave him a smile, one he immediately noticed as fake. ''You know me, I'm a very busy woman.'' 

She wasn't lying, she is a very busy woman. Y/N is an athlete herself, a competitive tennis player to be more specific. The tournaments she competed in often fell on the same days as the racing weekends, preventing her from going. She has been going to these Grand Prix's for a long time. After a match she had sustained an injury, causing her to be hospitalized for a few weeks. She was bored out of her mind while laying in her hospital bed and her doctor told her it was the Canadian Grand Prix. With nothing else to do, she put the tv on and watched the race. She watched the entire racing season, which ended being won by her now-boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton. Ever since then, she has been a frequent visitor of the paddock. 

She and Lewis have been dating since 2019. They had known each other for a very long time, but they were more acquaintances than anything. Y/N is friends with Serena and she had expressed to her that Lewis had taken an interest in her. After months of playing a cat and mouse game with each other, they eventually got together and have been going strong ever since, being a fan favorite couple of Formula 1 fans. 

''I do know that, it's good to see you, Y/N.'' Sebastian's reply was genuine, it had been a few months since he last saw her and he hadn't expected to run into her at the Mercedes garage. 

She glanced around before looking into his eyes again. ''Now, what are you doing here at Mercedes? Planning on taking Valtteri's seat?'' She joked, confused as to what he was doing here. 

He laughed at her words. ''No, no. I just wanted to come and greet Lewis, haven't seen him today.'' Sebastian answered, nodding his head towards the man who was standing a few feet away from them, talking to the engineers. 

''You know, normally everyone knows when you're at the paddock, but this time it seems like you escaped the cameras.'' Y/N wasn't a stranger to grand entrances. Often garnering more attention than some of the drivers when she arrived on the paddock, with or without Lewis. 

She shrugged her shoulders. ''It was a last minute decision to go, Wimbledon starts in a week and I actually had a practice today, but I just couldn't resist going.'' She explained her unexpected appearance. 

''And it's your home race, you surely wouldn't want to miss that.'' Sebastian wouldn't say it out loud, but she looked good and he secretly hated it. 

Sebastian and Y/N's relationship was… kind of complicated. They have known each other for over 10 years, having met each other at the first ever F1 race she ever went to. It didn't take long for them to become friends, their personalities matching each other and there was a mutual understanding between them, both being high performing athletes. 

There was also no denying that they were attracted to each other. Sebastian is a very charming man, especially when he was younger and she would be lying if she said the man didn't make her all giddy inside. Y/N's confident personality and good looks didn't go unnoticed by the young Sebastian Vettel, nor did her French accent. There was only one problem: Seb had a girlfriend, whom he loved very much and as much as Y/N loved flirting with anything that breathed, she would never ever try something with a taken man. 

But Seb made it really damn hard for her. 

Small talk turned into philosophical conversations that lasted hours, glances turned into longing stares and innocent group hangouts turned into questionable rendezvous with just the two of them. 

She had fallen deep, but she wasn't willing to admit it. Not to herself or Sebastian. On the other hand, there was the man who was deeply confused about his own feelings. He knew he loved his girlfriend, but he couldn't deny that what he had with Y/N was special and something he didn't have with his childhood love. 

So, for 2 years they simply ignored the big elephant in the room and enjoyed their time together. Countless nights of love making and talking about the big pressures that were put on them to perform at the highest of their abilities in their own respective sports. Yes, the sex was great, but the chemistry between them was undeniable. 

The chemistry wasn't just seen by the two of them, but also by other people and they had their suspicions about the ''friendship'' between the F1 World Champion and the Grand Slams winner. Of course they weren't stupid and denied that anything was going on between the two that went beyond the lines of a normal friendship. The fact that she had also become a Red Bull ambassador during Seb's prime years at the team didn't help the growing suspicions. 

It came to an end when Sebastian had brought up the fact that he and his girlfriend had talked about marriage and kids. It had been a brutal wake-up call for Y/N, but she knew whatever the two had would come to an end one day. They spent one last night together and then… that was it. After that it was like they never existed before. Sebastian got married and had his kids, while Y/N focused on her tennis career and engaged in some highly publicized relationships. 

Her relationship with Lewis wasn't something to spite Sebastian, it had just kinda happened. It made sense to them and once the relationship was confirmed to the public, it also made sense to everyone else. A successful F1 World Champion with a multiple Grand Slam Champion, how more obvious could it be? 

Mixed feelings came rising above as she talked with Sebastian. She believed he had no idea she would show up to the race, that was evident. But he didn't have to talk with her, he could have just ignored her and went straight to Lewis, the reason he was in the garage in the first place. Yet, he didn't. 

''I'm just here to support my boyfriend, doesn't matter that it's in France.'' She didn't mean to come off as passive aggressive as she did, but this whole interaction made her a bit uneasy. 

He raised his eyebrow at her comment. ''I don't doubt that you're here to support Lewis, you're a great girlfriend, Y/N.'' Sebastian matched the tone in which she had answered him, not minding that he sounded stupid. 

There was no time to respond as the man of the hour approached them. ''Hey Seb, how are you, man?'' Lewis happily greeted his fellow competitor, not sensing the tension going on between him and his girlfriend. ''I'm good, just wanted to come and say hi before the race.'' They shared a quick hug, after which Lewis' arm immediately went around his girl's waist. 

''How are the wife and the kids?'' It was an innocent question on Lewis' part, it had been asked many times before, but never in her presence. 

Seb couldn't help but quickly take a glance at her reaction, but he was met with a poker face that didn't give anything away. ''Great, they're doing good, you know, resting at home.'' He answered Lewis, genuinely happy to talk about his family. 

''That's nice, I was gonna look for you, but I got kind of caught up.'' Lewis referred to his conversation with the engineers. Y/N didn't know exactly what he had to discuss with his engineers, but it must have been about the car and further than that she didn't need to know. 

''Well, I'm here now.'' Sebastian looked between Lewis and Y/N, trying to get the woman engaged in the conversation, but her face was telling him that she had no desire to do that. 

Lewis took notice of his girlfriend's discomfort, normally she happily socialized with the other drivers, but she was awfully quiet this time. ''Yeah, I'll see you out there on the track.'' 

Sebastian took that as his sign to leave the Mercedes garage. He bid goodbye to the both of them and quickly made his way over to the Aston Martin camp. 

''You okay, love?'' Lewis' concerned voice saddened her, she didn't want him worried right before his race. ''Yes, I'm just tired, chéri, I had a long practice yesterday.'' Technically she wasn't lying, she did have a long practice the day before, but it hadn't completely worn her out like she made it out to be. 

He cupped her face. ''You want to lie down for a bit? I don't want you to force anything with Wimbledon coming up.'' He was too sweet to put into words, making her feel more bad about lying in the first place. 

She shook her head. ''No, I want to watch you, I'm just not in the big mood to be a socialite, you know?'' 

''I can ask Ang if she can join you? I want to make sure you're okay, my love.'' Before she could even answer him, Lewis had already called Angela over to bring Y/N to his driver's room. 

Angela has asked her if she was alright while walking to Lewis' private room. ''Yes, you know him, Angela. Always worrying about the smallest things.'' 

''I know, he just cares about you a lot. He wants you to be alright.'' Angela might be the biggest fan of her relationship with Lewis, apart from his niece Willow. She was kind of a Y/N fan before she had started dating Lewis, so when Lewis had brought her along with him to the paddock for the first time, Angela was ecstatic to meet the woman. 

They entered the room and Y/N lied down on the couch, while Angela grabbed some water for her. ''Here you go, honey. I have to head back to the garage, but I'll join you once the race has started.'' 

''Thank you, Angela! You're truly an angel.'' Y/N thanked her with a genuine smile on her face. 

Angela shook her head. ''You don't have to thank me, I'll be back soon.'' She disappeared from the room, leaving Y/N alone with her thoughts. 

As soon as Angela left, a big sigh left the woman's lips. Why did she let Sebastian affect her like that? They had talked plenty of times after their ''situationship'' ended, 10 years had almost passed. 

After a period of time, the race had ended and Y/N watched on as her boyfriend took P2 between the two Red Bull drivers. She was sad for him that he didn't take the win like he wanted to, but she was proud of him nonetheless. 

''Mon chéri!'' Y/N opened her arms for Lewis as he entered his private room. A tired smile graced his face, relieved to finally be in her arms again. ''I know it's not what you were hoping for, but you held your own between the Red Bulls, you'll show them next time.'' 

''I will, love. I still have to do some media things and discuss the race with the team, but I'll find you afterwards, alright?'' He wanted nothing more than to stay with her, but some things were obligations. 

She gave him an understanding smile. ''Of course, I'll just take a walk around the paddock or something.'' Y/N laughed, just wanting to get out of Lewis' room and take a breather. 

Lewis wanted to give her a kiss on the lips, but was pushed back by Y/N. ''Putain, Lew, you're sweating!'' She snickered, slipping out of his embrace. However, Lewis has great reflexes and pulls her back in his arms, stealing a quick kiss. ''Alright, I'll see you soon, love.'' 

She left a few minutes after Lewis, getting herself ready to face the world. She was still a public figure and she would rather be caught dead than have a bad picture taken of her. She walked up and down the paddock, taking a break here and there when someone went up to her. Fernando even asked her for some free Wimbledon tickets. ''In your dreams, Alonso.'' She had told him. 

''It's weird how we keep running into each other, Y/N.'' She had kinda hoped their previous interaction would be the last one for a while, but what Sebastian wants, Sebastian gets. ''You keep finding me, I hope you're not stalking me.'' He went to stand in front of her, blocking her from walking any further. 

''I just saw you pass by, you looked a bit lonely, thought I would join you.'' His blue eyes looking directly into hers, a small smile gracing his face. 

She raised her eyebrow at his words. ''I don't think that's a good idea, Sebastian.'' He felt chills as his name rolled off her lips, it had been some time since he had heard her say it. 

''Why not?'' Sebastian wasn't surprised by her bluntness, she wasn't one to beat around the bush. 

Y/N laughed, almost tauntingly in his opinion. ''You know what's going around about us, Sebastian. I'm not planning to answer questions again about whether we ever had something or not, that's something from 10 years ago.'' She spoke calmly, completely aware they were open in the public. If anyone wanted to screen grab the moment of them talking to one another, they could. 

''I'm happily married with kids, Y/N. People are much more interested in your relationship with Lewis than they are in a rumor from 10 years ago.'' He understood where she was coming from, but he wanted to be able to talk to her without the constant fear of people bringing up old gossip again, even if the gossip was true. 

She wanted to roll her eyes at him, but she managed herself to stop. ''I really don't have time for this, Vettel,'' she briefly looked to her side, finding a couple phones pointed at them, ''there are people filming us,'' a fake smile made a way onto her face, pretending they weren't having a heated conversation, ''I'm gonna go now, have a nice day, Sebastian.'' She nodded her head, before turning around and walking back to Lewis' private room. 

Y/N really wanted to scream her lungs out. Why couldn't he understand that the media will use literally anything to make drama. Especially, if it could be between two of the best F1 drivers of this generation. The thoughts going through her mind prevented her from seeing that she had arrived back at the Mercedes compound. 

She briefly greeted Toto and Susie whom she hadn't seen much of today. After some small talk, she made it to her boyfriend's private space. Y/N lightly flinched upon opening the door, not expecting Lewis to be already inside, typing away on his phone. 

''Oh, hey, I was just about to text you! Ready to go?'' He put his phone in his pocket and grabbed his bag. Y/N did the same and grabbed her handbag from the couch. ''Yes, let's go.'' 

''You look a bit red, love.'' Lewis noticed, her cheeks being a bit more flushed than usual. She kept her composure. ''Oh, really? Probably because I ran into Horner on the paddock.'' Y/N hadn't run into the Red Bull Head Principle, but it was a believable reason. 

Lewis groaned. ''He's just mad you're a Mercedes lady now.'' She and Christian got along very well at one point, as she used to be a frequent visitor of the Red Bull Racing garage. Y/N used to be the global ambassador of Red Bull for 9 years, but she hadn't renewed her contract with them due to her relationship with Lewis. Horner somehow felt betrayed by her move to their rival team and had thrown a few digs at her in the media. 

''It suits me better, anyway.'' She smirked at the man next to her, resulting in a quick peck on the lips from him. ''Damn right, my love.'' They got into his car and were on their way to their hotel. Y/N herself lived in France, but her home was situated in Paris and they weren't about to drive for a few more hours. 

''You feel ready for Wimbledon?'' Lewis asked her, having enough of the race talk. Y/N nodded her head, a soft smile on her face. ''Yeah, I hope I can make it to the final, it's been a while since I've won a slam.'' Wimbledon was important to her, she was the defending champion from 2019 as the 2020 championship had been canceled due to Covid-19. Her win in 2019 was also her last Grand Slam win, she hoped she could add some more titles to her name. 

''I'm sure you can do it, you always do well on the grass court.'' He assured her, a hint of pride in his voice. It was at the 2018 Wimbledon tournament that he had asked Serena if she could put in a good word for him to Y/N. He had also seen her win against his friend in the final, while he sat in Serena's player box. 

Y/N shot him an overdramatic wink. ''We'll see, mon amour, we'll see.'' The buzz of her phone took her attention away from her boyfriend. She furrowed her eyebrows upon seeing the notification. 

UNKNOWN NUMBER: I'm sorry if our talk upset you, I should have been more sensitive. Good luck at Wimbledon, I'm rooting for you! Love from Sebastian. 

She didn't even want to know how he had gotten her number. She had it changed years ago, finding that she needed a cleanse at the time. 

''What is it, lovey?'' Lewis asked her, confused at why she had that puzzled look on her face. ''Nothing, just my coach, something about our practice tomorrow.'' She lied straight through her teeth. She didn't want to lie to Lewis, but she was aware he had his suspicions about those 2011 rumors between his girlfriend and Sebastian. Y/N didn't want to make it any worse. 

Sebastian Vettel still got her in trouble after all these years.

• • • • • • •

this is the first fic i've written, so feedback or your opinions are always welcome! this is based on a dream i had and i just needed it out of my system. thanks for reading, darling!

[isa-ghost]

How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

[jungkook97]

i've been thinking about this for the longest time and i think it's that time when i come clean.

i appreciate all the supportive messages that i got telling me to ignore and keep doing me, but i'm going to be honest, i don't know if it's worth it for me anymore. i love bigbang. i've been a fan for almost 7 years (next week will officially be my vip anniversary). i spent my high school years listening to them and it persisted until now. before i did anything on tumblr and twitter, i used to write fics on asianfanfics and gd was my muse. i really loved him for the longest, and it persisted when i joined tumblr in 2011 (you wouldn't see this bc i went back and deleted lmao). i didn't start gifing until 2013 and joined fckyeahgd in the same year. i created fybb in summer 2014, vip-net in may 2015. since then, i've done a photobook project and film for their 10th anniversary, a livestream event, giveaways, made gifsets and provided download links. i didn't mind doing all of this while managing other group blogs i was a part of bc i love it. i love doing smth that was worthwhile and what i perceive is beneficial. i provided download links bc i know finding shit in decent quality can be a struggle to gif, these projects bc i know how heartwarming it feels to be a part of something and express how you feel about the boys, access to the vlives+ because capitalism sucks and people can't afford to spend money on what i perceived should've been free, i created an updates blog bc there wasn't officially one, etc.

i've never done any of these things to gain popularity or relevance; a lot of times i'm genuinely shocked when people who i really admire for several years become mutuals with me and say that they're very appreciative of the work that i do. i'm always appreciative of people passing by and saying thank you and ngl, i sometimes don't even grasp that i've done a lot and people see me often because i hardly ever think abt that.

and with that, i think that's why i think it's time. besides being a part of the subbing team, going to their concerts, and translate, i've done almost everything that you can do as a fan. i've definitely learned so much in these past several years and you know, it was a great experience. although yeah, i've encountered many who only stayed mutuals or were cordial because i gave them what they wanted, and there were a lot of fucked up things that i had to deal with especially this past year (the stories i could tell abt the things i dealt with lmao), but overall, i wouldn't have traded it for anything else. i probably wouldn't do 95% of the stuff i do for bigbang. i made so many wonderful friends, some of whom i would honestly do anything for. i wouldn't be as aggressive about calling out and speaking out about the societal issues in our fandom had it not been someone who told me in depth as to why some of the things bb does is an issue. i've inadvertently established my belief about inclusiveness and being a better ally to marginalized people because of them, and i probably wouldn't have been this passionate about politics and even my career path rn if it weren't for bigbang. they mean that much to me.

idk where i'm going with this tbh, but it's time for me to turn in my vip card, indefinitely. i've removed myself from all bigbang related blogs and will be no longer be answering questions regarding bigbang unless i want to. i've mentioned this a few times before, but this time, i'm no longer contributing anything as a vip besides a rogue gifset of them once in a blue moon. i will casually support them whenever they come back and during their solos. besides that aspect, this blog will still be multifandom, and pretty much the same. the only difference is that i will be changing my url too bc i do want to pull the blog on topford.

i think it's time for this katie to go. it hurts a lot, but im really doing this for myself. it's for my mental health and for me to start a new chapter. i hope that other vips will step up to the plate in my place and do not get weary with the hiatus and stay patient. i hope the fandom overall does change in a more progressive direction, and that i did smth worthwhile in that aspect (or so i hope). i will always call myself a vip, and i will never deny it. thank you for sticking by vip me. now onto the multifandom me.