#Idk how to deal with executive dysfunction

[arafergirl-artdump]

Executive dysfunction go brrrrrrrrrr (I tried to recreate Ko Takeuchi style again instead of making my Big Animation Project™)

実行機能ってあおあおあおあおあ（大きなアニメーションプロジェク���™を作る��わりに竹内高のスタイルを再現してみた）

i feel bad that my concentration is non-existent if i'm not stimming all time, but at least it's something.

常にスティミングしていないと集中力がなくなるについて悪い心地があるが、少なくともそので何かを作りできる。

Btw, here's my other attempts:

ところに、それがボクの他の試み:

(i'm sorry about attempt to drew my humanisation of DJs into Ko Takeuchi style)

（DJ達のヒューマニゼーションは竹内高のスタイルに再現しみるごめん）

[themosthatedbeingg]

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[manasurge]

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[burningcomputerpersona]

how the fuck are ppl having actual social lives with this amount of courseload. i lose all my hobbies during the semester bc i don't have time for anything besides schoolwork but there are ppl out there hanging out with friends every day and having parties on the weekend. how.

[nightmarebunarts]

The minute I get home from work I'm too tired to do anything fun so I just sit there and feel miserable until I have to get ready for bed and repeat the cycle the next day so I'm not sure how I'm gonna do this for the rest of my life but at least we're finally productive amirite

[houseofwolvess]

im extremely stressed but in a passive way. like i can't seem to get myself to work on the things that are stressing me out so instead im curled up under a fuzzy blanket with an extremely soft and warm and cuddly cat, which is objectively really nice but the stress is making me feel sick even if this is a really nice situation in the moment

[monstersinthecosmos]

Okay I don’t want this to be like an obnoxious millennial assumption because I’m positive that every generation has things like this, but the way autism and ADHD was treated for us in the 90’s and how it affects adult diagnoses is like, imo, so integral to our coming of age and the stories we tell and the way we’ve gotten to know ourselves, even the way it relates to our job market and economy and how we operate inside it, and especially the way a pandemic uncovered it for so many people and exposed the cracks and revealed that we were all just barely functioning and held together with popsicle sticks and anyway

I say that because maybe it’s the un-diagnosed 90’s child in me but I feel particularly emotional about Keith’s arc in learning that he’s part Galra, and the way even the creators said they made him sort of prickly because of his biology, and I just !! Think so much about Keith’s neurotype as a part Galra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cause something about being diagnosed later in life is like, looking back at all the other ways you tried to handle yourself, all the missteps, maybe even misdiagnoses. Like, how many times did you try to treat ANXIETY without realizing you didn’t have an anxiety disorder, you just can’t deal with your family blaring the TV from the next room? How many times were you told you were lazy, or lying, when you didn’t know what executive dysfunction is? 

Keith is such a lovely rich character because his prickliness is EARNED—we know what happened to him, we know he’s traumatized, we know he’s been treated poorly by many people in his life. We know that he grew up thinking that he’d been abandoned by one of the people who should’ve loved him the most, in the whole world. He even questions that in his vlog—he makes the connection that he has trouble with people because of his mom. 

But I just wonder like, how much of it is just his biology. Not understanding the body he’s in, being completely ignorant of one whole half of his culture. Had he ever mutated before the TBP fight? Did it take him by surprise, did it frighten him? ((* This is head canon territory LMAO there’s no way to really know—like, is he able to do this because he just spent so much time with Krolia, or does Shiro going That’s the Keith I remember mean they used to have really primal sex that turned his eyes yellow? Lol)) 

Like when we talk about even the most broad generic terms of saying someone is neurodivergent, we don't even need to put a real life label on Keith. Like he's literally not human! Of course his brain looks different! Of course he functions differently! And I wonder how much is nature v nurture -- if he knew the truth about his mom, if his dad had lived, if he'd been allowed a normal childhood, would he still have been a weird kid?

Cause like, even seeing the way Shiro is able to get through to him, we see ways that he allowed for thrill seeking, and he didn't judge Keith for stealing his car. It reminds me of like, what we know now about asking children to sit still in school, and how perhaps some children would do better with standing desks. Shiro wants him to behave and succeed, and doesn't judge him for being a car thief, and gets through to him by bringing him cliff diving. And it just feels like this clue, you know, that nothing is wrong with Keith, he's just living in a weird place where people don't get him.

It’s just really special to me, because there’s so many pieces in the sequence of events of Keith’s character arc, and I know I’ve said this a handful of times now, but I really sincerely believe it’s the only thing the show really nailed. Accepting himself during the BOM Trial -> MOMENTS later learning something very important about his biology -> spending time with Krolia -> coming back to pilot Black when he’s READY and WANTS to (unlike the first time, when he resisted) -> becoming a pragmatic strong leader by the end.

Gosh idk. 

I don’t really have anywhere to go with this, it’s just something I was thinking about today and it gets me real emotional. Like, Keith must have had these moments, re-evaluating who he’d been before he’d known, finally understanding why he was Like That, and it’s so healing to imagine him accepting his past self and forgiving it because he understands now. 

[satanfemme]

Nahyoure right mushrooms are fun and great for ur mental health if ur a chronically depressed person

it's actually kinda insane (I mean neurodivergent) how good mushrooms can be for your mental health. cause I've seen all the anecdotal evidence and studies and stuff before, but idk if I really believed it until I experienced it for myself. I fully went into the experience with my only goal to be experimenting with it, seeing what it's like, and trying to have a good time; I wasn't trying to force any serious psychiatric benefits or anything.

but for the past week my executive dysfunction has literally been SO much better. it's not perfect, but it's unarguably better in a way I've never experienced before. like I keep doing the dishes. do you know what a big deal that is for me? I Can Not do dishes, this is a basic fact about my lifestyle. it's why I rely 100% on disposable bowls and utensils. when I do have dirty dishes, they will sit in the sink for 2 weeks minimum, many many months maximum, before I'm able to clean them. it's not just frustrating but a genuine health hazard to be this way. I frequently need to throw things out because sitting in the sink that long ruins them. but somehow I have done the dishes every single day since my trip last saturday.

first it took me 2-3 days to catch up on what was already in my sink, but now I'm just using dishes On Purpose, and then cleaning them right after. not just within the same day (already an impossible feat) but Right After I'm Done with them. this was unthinkable for me two weeks ago. I have no idea how permanent this effect is going to be but just this one week of increased functionality alone will have been enough for me to be forever thankful. fucking adderall didn't help me this much. anyway, yeah the general boost in mood has been great too. can't wait to trip again sometime.

[lemonhemlock]

More on Otto as a tries but fails girl!dad and the non verbal communication with the greens. Just how he shows care for his daughter, even though he dooms her. He loves her, wants what's best for her, the family the realm but in doing so he has essentially signed off her execution.

When he tells her to once again visit the king and reprimands her for her self harm he holds her hands

One could argue that this is simply a manipulation tactic and while i don't completely disagree I have other evidence I'd like to present.

Look at how they're holding each other like this is a final goodbye. Neither knows when they'll see each other again. I know he (rightfully) warns her about Rhaenyra he cradles her face. Like it's something precious 🥺 (it is)

Who is this look of devastion for? The imaginary audience? He was not only fired but ripped away from his only daughter. Realizing the mess he's put her in. How she is now truly alone.

We know Criston was her sworn sword and one of the few people she trusted. It makes sense he stand behind her. He's got her back, but look Ottos there too.

In this episode when she was worried about her brother she looked at dad for reassurance and he provided it. Knowing just how concerned she must have been.

Whether or not he's being a manipulative bastard when he does this stuff before he steers her in his own direction, using this to keep her tethered to him, it's quite clear that he understands how important these moments are for his daughter. Can you genuinely look me in the eye and say that Tywin would do this with Cersei? Hold her like she's the most precious thing in the world to him? Nope he'd just command her to do stuff and as her father it is seen as his right to do so.

This family is so dysfunctional. You can love your child and wants what's best for them from the bottom of your heart, with all that you have but still mess up. In the modern day he'd probably be pushing her to a stable career like doctor or lawyer or whatever because he wants her future to be secure without realizing that it's not necessarily what she wants and being blind to how truly miserable she feels.

Sidenote: Wasn't Helaena his favorite grandchild, someone who was not a boy thus a potential heir? Otto is a girl! grandpa too. (If I'm not mistaken 😂)

When it comes to the girl! dad wars he wins because he taught his daughter accountability and how to not get screwed over in a bad trade deal, like idk give someone what is rightfully yours in exchange for being a consort to a king wiyh questionable lineage (Sorry couldn't help but shade the Viserys and Daemon)

OTTO DRIVES ME INSANE HE IS SUCH A DAD BUT HE IS SUCH A MAN TOO!!!!! WHY ARE FATHERS OF DAUGHTERS ALLOWED TO BE MEN???????

HE IS A GIRL GRANDPA TOO OH MY STARS 😭 They should show him with Jaehaera next, so he could add girl-great-grandpa to the allegations 😭

I also wish they had scenes together with Gwayne! In the books Alicent has multiple unnamed brothers, but Gwayne would have been enough, like can you IMAGINE the dynamics with him thrown into the mix??? Him with his DAD and his SISTER and his SISTER'S BOYFRIEND Ser Criston???? He got so shafted like he is the only person in this effed up family not to have a psychosexual obsession with Alicent?? Unfair!

I imagine they wanted to highlight Alicent's isolation as a source of her growing paranoia, but could you imagine??? Her having at least one more person is her small circle?? Standing up to their dad for her??? Holding her hand through her pregnancies??? Throwing shade at Rhaenyra together?? Bonding with Ser Criston over how much they want to commit regicide??

I'm not sure he stayed in King's Landing for all this period, but he could have at least visited once in a while? What we know is that he is named second-in-command of the Gold Cloaks at the start of the way. ALSO OTTO INTERACTING WITH A MALE RELATIVE OF HIS OWN GET THAT IS NOT A COMPLETE FUCK-UP??

[actuallyadhd]

hiie!

i'm 18 and i've been trying to self-diagnose. i'm curious about adhd and abuse. i relate to the adhd experience of executive dysfunction, depression, rsd, time blindness, sensory issues, emotional dysregulation etc. but growing up in a super strict and abusive household i've never even had hobbies let alone hyperfixations. so is it possible? to mask so severely that you have no hyperfixations??

i've heard from diagnosed folk that have had an abusive childhood but they all say that it made them hyperfixate more as an escape mechanism. but then i went in the opposite direction, so maybe i don't have adhd? i might have had some hyperfixations ig but it never lasts as long as peope with diagnosed adhd say it does. so ig they are not hyperfixaions but just things i like a lot.

i also don't "stim", i feel like i've forever been understimulated as my mother would remove anything stimulating books/games/TV/music etc. any "stimming" actions were condemned and ridiculed (leg shaking, finger-tapping or even simple vocal stims), this has been enforced in my brain as socially rude and uncultured so uhh ig it could be that i've been masking. that could explain why i did so well in school because there was either math or no stimulation at all. but maybe i'm just having a bad time from all the other things and not adhd?

idk i am like 70% sure i have adhd but i have no access to a clinical diagnosis, so i'm doing extensive research and i want to be thorough before i can make any claims.

Sent April 12, 2024

It can be really hard to know whether some things are due to trauma or ADHD or something else. I have a friend who grew up in an abusive home and got assessed for autism but the clinician couldn’t give a diagnosis because the amount of trauma was making it hard to tease out what was causing which things.

I do think that a lot of ADHDers have trauma because of how we get treated due to our differences. That doesn’t mean ADHD is actually a trauma response; it means that sometimes, trauma happens because we are different due to ADHD. I can recommend Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube if you are interested in learning more about trauma and some ways you might be able to deal with it.

Hyperfixations/special interests and stimming are really common ADHD things, but they are not part of the diagnostic criteria. Have a look at our self-diagnosis post to find out more about how to figure this out.

Regardless of whether you have ADHD, you are welcome here. You may find some of the printables at the web site useful, so do consider checking them out.

Followers, what do you think about ADHD and trauma?

-J

[ambienthousewife]

friends...mutuals...what do you all do to help with creative block/executive dysfunction? i feel like after work and doing all the other routines and chores and shit that i need to do afterwards i have Zero energy and i struggle with doing fun things that are nice for myself. i always end up hyperfixating on the amalgamation of chores and shit i have to do which never seems like it goes away but if i dont chip at it a little bit i like get realy uncomfortable and develop terrible anxiety. i think i struggle with it so much is because i feel like for a lot of people its just like "well thats how that is i guess you shouldve done your fun stuff when you were younger because now youre an ADULT" which is obviously brainwashed bogus. but man it does get to me because having to work full time at a stupid job that makes me wanna hurl myself into the sun and breaks my body down is not condusive for helping myself actually get the energy to do creative shit. but i had like the same deal even back when i was unemployed or in school or shit like that so. idk for those who are good at doing shit like that wdyd

[desultory-suggestions]

just asking for advice, you're not forced to answer ofc

i struggle a lot with motivation, when i force myself to do things, it just doesn't feel right, and i feel so guilty about it, things like going to school or even brushing my teeth, it's all pointless and physically exhausting

idk if i'm just lazy or smt

anyway, any tips for folks with low motivation?

Hello, love! Thank you for your patience. Motivation is such a common struggle. I use some unconventional study and motivation tactics personally, as someone with ADHD and Dyslexia I have to get through a lot of nonsense to do basic things. First, you are not lazy! The idea today of laziness is very frustrating to me, and I feel is built on capitalist (and white supremacist) ideals. See the NAP Ministry.

According to The (USA) National Library of Medicine, "Executive dysfunction is commonly seen in major depression. The types of executive deficits seen in depression include problems with planning, initiating, and completing goal-directed activities." Anyone struggling with depression, whether an episode or long-term can struggle with these basic tasks. So how can we deal with this?

Some different techniques that may help:

Talk through the tasks you need to do out loud. You can discuss them in linear order or not. Don't focus on making them perfect and detailed, just explain it like you would to a friend.

Explain what you are doing as if someone is watching you/you're teaching someone. This is how I motivate myself when studying/working out/etc. and shows you that you do know what you are doing.

Break tasks down into smaller pieces to help them be more manageable, or simplify the ones that seem too complicated. (For this I need to do x, then y, then z. I don't need to overthink brushing my teeth, it's okay to just go do it.

Ask someone to be your accountability buddy. Body doubling/parallel play can be very useful. I ask my partner to brush his teeth with me so I have someone else there.

Accept that you don't need to do 100% of everything. You can't brush, floss, and use mouthwash? Okay brush for even just thirty seconds, it's better than nothing!

Utilize tools, but don't try to make it fancy. Aesthetics can be helpful and motivating, they can also apply pressure to make everything look good. Google Calendar or a messy notebook is good enough.

Surrounds tasks with cushioning time to relax. Even for little tasks, you can promise yourself rest before and after. Likewise, do enjoyable things during arduous tasks. Watch a silly video, playa. song!

Consider what the biggest obstacle is. Does it feel pointless? Do you want to do it? If not, why not? How can you change what is making you avoidant? If you do want to, what feels like it's stopping you? A specific fear? Or an impenetrable wall? These questions help define the next steps.

Accept you cannot do everything, especially not when you are suffering. You deserve help and it's okay to ask for it. Professional help is important when conquering issues with motivation whether from depression, ADHD, etc. Medications, therapy, and more can improve your mood.

Some tools I use:

Brushout - An app to help you brush your teeth for the right amount of time. Simple, and makes a nice dinging sound. Can be added as a widget to your home screen on iPhones.

Google Calendar - Also simple. Easy to click and add events and get reminders for things creeping up on you.

Mnemosyne Notebook - Ok the brand doesn't matter but the paper in this is so smooth and it makes me want to use it. But yes a notebook to organize thoughts.

Little Treats - I like to keep little snacks and treats around for working on things I have been struggling with. You don't have to wait until after, let yourself fuse joy with your efforts.

You do not need to be ashamed for struggling. No matter the reason or the manner, we all go through difficult things. Reach out, and don't give up. Feel free to ask for more information or advice again.

Best,

Evan

[rebellum]

Had a weird convo yesterday about meds with a friend and one of her friends. They were both adamant that psychiatric medication is like a training wheel while someone learns to deal with their mental health via therapy.

So I pointed out that like... no? No? A lot of people need to be on psych meds their whole lives, and that's okay. And my friend conceded that there MAY be OCCASIONALLY some times when someone shouldn't go off of meds. But her friend was adamant about that never being case.

So I mentioned that I will likely be on meds my whole life, because my brain is broken. And as soon as I said that her friend was like "NO. NO. NO. NO." While I was speaking.

And so I just let it drop, because I frankly didn't care enough about this convo to push it. I've met a few people who have that stance, who have depression or anxiety from life circumstances or trauma. They assume everyone is like them. People like me are the 1 in a billion unmentionables (which is odd, since the rate of schizophrenia is 1 in 300 people, and the rate of bipolar disorder is apparently 2.8/100, OCD is 2.3/100, and 4.2/100 have severe adhd. While I don't fit neatly into categories like that, it means about 8.43%* of the population has any of those. So it's not as if people like me are super rare.)

So I assumed that she wasn't super duper mentally ill.

And then a few minutes later she mentioned how she'll be going off an anti-psychotics soon??? So that was wild. Cause it's like. Shouldn't YOU understand why some people need to be medicated for life.

And then later my friend was like "well I hope you don't have to be on meds for your entire life"

And its like.. what? But it's fine. Like, rn it's expensive, bc I don't have insurance and one of my meds isn't covered by provincial health insurance, so yeah it'd be like to have that extra $150 per month, but like.. it's fine? I'll have to wear glasses my entire life. I'll be taking hormonal birth control to control my periods until I'm like 50. It's really not that big of a deal.

Idk it's weird bc people who don't know the intricacies of my mental health often insist I CAN survive off my meds. And it's like, sure, okay, with therapy and a good support system and maybe if my brain changed enough then I can survive.

But I shouldn't HAVE to survive dealing with having a psychiatric disability from extreme executive dysfunction, mood swings, delusional episodes, paranoia, ocd fixations, hallucinations, anxiety, and depression. Like, even though therapy can help me deal with living with it and mitigate things like ocd intrusive thoughts, and therapy before I was on meds helped a LOT with managing my moods, managing my mental health was still like being chained to a giant dog that eats cats and chases cars and barks at all hours of the day and shits everywhere but at least now knows "sit" and "come".

I'd rather thrive with meds, than merely be surviving off of them.

[1d-trashcan]

hello!!

i was just going through your blog and you have mentioned a anxiety disorder a few times, i do not really know anything about it so if you want to please educate me on this concept, if you dont wanna its all good. just know i am here if u wanna talk any time :)))))))))

HI!! I absolutely wanna educate you, thanks for asking :) This is suuuper long though, I'm so sorry :´(

There's a few anxiety disorders out there but the most common ones are social anxiety disorder or panic disorder, and then there's GAD which is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have GAD.

Stress and anxiety is an evolutional response to danger more commonly known as fight or flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system being activated. GAD is the body being stuck in fight or flight mode, whereas social anxiety, for instance, generally means that the sympathetic nervous system kicks in in social environments (like a phone call or meeting a person).

GAD, usually presents as excessive worry about anything and everything. My grandmother will cough and my brain will think "she has lung cancer and she's dying". When I didn't know I was ill I was basically living in a nightmare. I've had a lot of therapy so nowadays I can identify it as an anxiety thought and ignore it. Some days I can't shake them, and those days are just bad anxiety days. And I can either power through it or I can take anxiety medication, but I can't work on those because they make me really drowsy.

You can develop GAD at any age, really. All it takes is being under extreme stress for a period of time, I think the criteria is like 6 months or something. There are differential diagnoses like chronic fatigue syndrome, ADHD/ADD, bipolar disorder and clinical depression that have to be excluded that early on, though. It's fairly easy to treat if caught early. It's hell, but they'll most likely have you on antidepressants and or something that helps you sleep and give you therapy. Therapy will help you deal with your triggers through cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy (where you're literally exposed to your trigger/fear in a controlled environment) and that will in theory treat the disorder. You're never gonna remove anxiety because it's a survival instinct, but you're basically telling your brain that it's overreacting, and if you get help early you can actually be cured.

I have GAD because I was bullied between ages 10-16, and there's also a probability that my parents' divorce started the whole thing. The problem was that I didn't get proper help until I was 19 and I didn't even meet with a psychiatrist until I was 25 (I'm 29 now). I'm never gonna be cured, we're basically just looking for ways to help me live WITH my anxiety. I just have too many triggers and my body is too used to being in this state that there's currently no way of fixing it.

GAD sometimes comes with executive dysfunction which is where you just physically can't do things. It's a very common ADHD symtom as well. You know you need to do it but you can't, and it essentially becomes a handicap. My most common triggers for executive dysfunction is school work of any kind, opening my mail or important phone calls. In Sweden this is actually recognized as a handicap, which means that I can get help faster. But I have to make the call, which I can't do because of my anxiety so idk how foolproof that safeguard is. I'm on sick leave right now because of extreme stress (it could be chronic fatigue syndrom, but it's too early to tell rn) and now my executive dysfunction is everywhere, so like showering, cleaning my flat or making food is extremely tough and usually doesn't happen, so I have to take shortcuts (like eating at my parents' house, not washing my entire body and only cleaning small parts of my flat a a time).

Apart from being afraid anxiety triggers a lot of physical responses in your body because it is designed to keep us alive. If you have social anxiety you might have issues with your stomach (like stress pooping or nausea) when you have to engage with others or even, like, ride a train. GAD patiens almost always have chronic IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and muscle pains because our bodies are constantly preparing for flight. I have really bad chronic muscle pain in my neck and upper back which leads to tension headaches. So on any given day, I'd rate my pain at a 5, and that's just. A thing I have to live with.

Physical activity generally alleviates the pain and the endorphins from workout are really beneficial but you can't exercise GAD away. It's just something that helps.

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, antihistamines to make me sleep and quetiapine/seroquel, which is a mood stabiliser that basically reduces my executive dysfunction, and my medication is always gonna change depending on what my life looks like. Realistically I'm always gonna be on some form of antidepressant. I'm on SNRI's, which control the serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain.

Naturally, my serotonin is really low and my noradrenaline is really high, but in a healthy person the serotonin is high and the noradrenaline is low. The body typically restores the serotonin/noradrenaline levels during sleep, but my brain does the exact opposite so I just have extreme anxiety during the night, which is why I'm on medication to sleep bc otherwise I a) don't sleep and b) have terrible nightmares. I still have those nightmares, but the antihistamine I'm on is a muscle relaxant as well as an anxiety medication so it helps calm me down so I don't really remember my nightmares and it reduces my muscle pain by quite a bit. I still have bad nights that lead to bad days when I'm in a lot of pain. I sleep in a fetal position and tense up at night and I have a weighted blanket to help me relax so during those bad days I have trouble walking becausec my hip muscles are locked.

I think i basically covered everything. There's a lot more to it if you have any questions. I'm super open about this, and have been since I started therapy when I was 19 because I literally did not know I was sick until I was 17 and it took another two years to understand just how bad it was so I like to be as vocal as possible so people might find out and get help.

I'm SO SORRY for this long ass post though.

[fandomfrolics]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @chainofclovers and @revolutionsoftheheart, thank you <3

Since I've only posted to AO3 for 2 fandoms and one is disproportionately larger than the other, gonna separate the two for my own curiosity.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

123 (77 Ted Lasso, 46 Marvel)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

567,878 (336,213 TL vs 231,665 Marvel over a...much shorter period of time😬)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently only Ted Lasso, previously Marvel (both MCU and comics)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Marvel

They Call Me Dad

In the Heat of the Night

Roll the Dice and Swear Your Love (for me)

what is (or what could be)

Situation Normal: All Fogged Up 

Ted Lasso

and in the morning we'll start all over again

Linger

lick me baby or leave me

my body fits just like a bruise

I don't wanna live like this (but I don't wanna die) 

Fun fact! My top Marvel fic has pretty much almost exactly 10x kudos as my top TL fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do but very, very slowly. As for why, idk I think it's just a nice way to engage with people. I like seeing authors' responses to my comments on their fics too.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

A <400 word established relationship Steve/Tony fic where one half of the pairing DROWNS and for what, who knows

Any angsty endings I had for TL were only chapter endings that were then undone by peer pressure (except, I guess, this one where Ted and Rebecca break up because his.....spoon.....is too big).

OH WAIT I forgot about this Rupodore one (but also the A/N does undo that angsty ending too sooooooo)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is a hard one because I'm not sure how to differentiate degrees of happiness but sorta related to the last answer, I'm going to say this established relationship Steve/Tony fic, where it SEEMS like Steve dies but he doesn't, mostly because of this comment that makes me emotional every time I remember it

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Just once I think, on a kinky TL fic (thanks Kyle!)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Unfortunately (though that's pretty much a new thing for TL fic)

Idk what the kinds of smuts there are but: PWP, emotional/feelingsy, kink (for exploring dynamics/psychology of it re: certain characters), kink (horny)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Borderline? Idk if this fake dating fic featuring an unnamed-but-hinted-at actor counts as Ted Lasso/Actor RPF crossover.........

That's probably the craziest one but actually I guess this Marvel one where the video game versions of the characters visit the comics universe counts.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not wholesale but bits yeah

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, a bunch of Marvel fanfic got translated to Chinese and Russian but my top kudosed fic got translated into I think at least 4 languages (including off AO3), which is really cool!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes with @thatsrightjohngoodman <33 and it was a blast, even though the number of words spent talking about the fic >>>> actual words in the fic. Also I only did like 15% of it, which is probably also why I had a good time.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don't really get into fandoms through ships, usually more through specific characters so idk if I have a fave. I'm pretty loosey-goosey about ships.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

OH BOY okay, well I'm still holding out hope for some of the TL ones even though I haven't touched them in ages but from the (almost definitely) abandoned ones, there's one about Ted dealing with executive dysfunction that gets in the way of like really mundane things like mail he needs to do something about (e.g. his TV licence) or using groceries before they go bad and how Beard and Rebecca and others help him help himself.

On Marvel, I have a CarolJess coffee shop AU that is like 90% done and contains some bits that are very personal and reflective of that period of my life and it'd be nice to put it out into world but. I probably won't.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been given the impression that it's.......sad shit lmao. But also like conversations between people that feel realistic. And at this point, I think unfortunately also smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Settings I think? I like actions and dialogue and I always have to go back and fill in like...where are they, what are they sitting on, that sorta thing.

Also endings, I never know how to end a fic, especially short feelingsy one-shots.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have no real thoughts on this tbh

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, but only one fic that I posted on LiveJournal I think as part of an event

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

The first one that popped into my head was All Our Days Ahead, a Beard and Ted friendship road trip fic. It was written with more care than a lot of my other fics and idk I like it's energy when I reread it. I can remember exactly where I was when I wrote it too (and that it was raining lmao).

Honorable mentions from when I actually went scrolling through my works:

I like all my humour fics purely for how unhinged I feel when writing them but the body shots fic was particularly wild because of the insane live writing experience and Cannibal!Rebecca offshoot

I also have a soft spot for my episode tags. I don't really write a lot of fics that are related to specific moments in canon but I really like this Colin one about the impact of Nate's words on him, featuring my beloved actual Coach!Ted. Also one of the few fics where the title feels right and isn't just sorta there to fill in the field.

I think by now most people have been tagged in TL so ignore me if you've already done this but tagging some folks from both fandoms @theodore-lasso @howiehamlin @thatsrightjohngoodman @ishipallthings @onemuseleft @snoozingcat @bardingbeedle if y'all wanna do it

[vernalloy]

I think the thing where the authors of these delusion! AUs are hitting my spine are that. They’re pulling from media portrayals rather than. Actually reasoning through or even researching what it’d be like.

So tips fur writing delusions! I’m going to make a lot of generalizations here, some people can’t double bookkeep, or don’t have positive ways of interacting with the delusion, or have short delusions, or respond positively to reality checks. I’m primarily pulling from my own experience here.

1. At least on the schizo-spectrum, the longer they last, the slower they come. Brief psychosis has a really short onset, schizophreniform has a shorter prodrome than schizophrenia/schizoaffective. Generally, delusions grow. They come together on nothing, but they take time to take root on equal or greater footing than reality.

2. Double bookkeeping! Exists! Even past this there’s just. If you knew something about the world that no one else did. That you knew they’d treat you violently for if you revealed it. You’d keep it under wraps. Keep your rituals subtle. Don’t talk about it.

3. They generally don’t vanish upon reason. They wax and wane and change, and rarely respond to logic past perhaps changing to accommodate or override new facts.

4. If you have a secret reality you have something to deal with it. A monster under the bed? Shove boxes under there. Feel everyone’s out to get you? Carry a bread knife (it sucks at stabbing) or keep your back only to walls. Feel you’re not human? Let it wash over you instead of insisting truth one way or the other.

Again, these masks often degrade as the illness runs its course. Delusions operate on dream logic, they’re flexible and like to spread.

Also pleasseeeeee acknowledge other symptoms than delusions + hallucinations when you write a psychotic character. Reading John Darnielle novels makes me jump for joy because his psychotic characters get thought blocking and fucked up cognition on top of hallucinations. In many cases they’re more significant than the positive symptoms! Alex’s affect is remarked upon more than his hallucinations.

Shrek voice they don’t even have repetitive self soothing movements in their psychotic characters

Keysmash. I don’t know how to articulate this last part but there are a lot of times where. It feels like psychotic characters can present in exactly three ways: the obvious psycho killer, and then in more sympathetic contexts: no illogic or heck even symptoms past hallucinations, or an unstable baby with no autonomy. And it feels. Like these arise from a gap the author sees between them and psychotics. And when writing anything other than a violent stereotype, they have a tendency to overshoot and leave out any unsympathetic symptoms. Like they try to write a neurotypical who hallucinates.

Which is frustrating because a lot of these authors have adhd/autism and the two share plenty in outward presentation with psychosis. We all have executive dysfunction and inappropriate affect and shit memory and poor audio regulation and hey you know what? Psychotic disorders are comorbid with autism & adhd! Because psychosis is understood to arise primarily from a combination of genetics and stress! And you know what causes stress? Being neurodivergent!!!

Idk id just like that when I open up AO3 I’m not hit with a wall of people who did next to no research when they wanted to write their angst fics about my sicko mind.