#Id get all ready to go and then the social anxiety would win and instead of going out i would drive to my office and sculpt for a few hours

[freebooter4ever]

I will confess i dont like the planned aspect of LA - everything has to be done in advance, you have to get tickets so early and its so expensive. And im not good at any of that unless its something really really special :/

[dyscrasia-eucrasia]

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Part 11

Angel spent most of the next morning nursing an excruciating hangover. He hadn't even had that much to drink, but he still spent a good amount of time hunched over, retching into the toilet. When finally his stomach had settled enough to get a sports drink down, he crawled back onto his futon and pulled a blanket over his head. 

He intended to spend the rest of the day like that, napping and forgetting the night before, but sleep eluded him. He tossed and turned fretfully until finally he grabbed his phone from the end table and checked his notifications. 

His Instagram notifications had been going off all night, to the point he finally silenced his phone, something he never did normally. There were notifications for followers, comments, likes - and one tagged picture from Clayton's account. 

His stomach dropped and he thought he was going to be sick again. He didn't want to look at it, but he knew he had to. He needed to know if his entire social media career was over. He couldn't stand that thought. He couldn't stand the thought of going back to being a nobody so desperate for cash that he quit school to strip. He didn't want to be just a face in the crowd again. 

He hesitated a long time before tapping the notification. The Instagram logo came up on the screen and he was presented with a picture of himself and Clayton. Clayton had his hands on either side of Angel's face, and was forcing his mouth onto Angel's. Angel was tagged in the post, but all the caption said was 'West Virginians know how to party'. There was no mention of the fight, no acknowledgement that Angel looked completely surprised in the photo. 

He scrolled through the comments. They were all hearts or eggplant emojis or declarations of jealousy. 

That was Instagram for you, he supposed. Everything sanitized for public consumption, worst qualities twisted into aspirational ones. 

There was no way he could possibly talk about the attempted assault now. He'd just look petty and attention-seeking. He'd get accused of being a gold digger looking for a pay-off. 

And the worst thing about it was that when he checked his own profile, he found that overnight, he'd smashed past ten thousand followers and was edging close to twenty thousand. His follower count had more than doubled, and he didn't even care. It had happened the wrong way. This wasn't the kind of attention he wanted. He didn't want to be seen as Clayton Howard's hookup. 

Morbid curiosity compelled him to check Youtube. Sure enough, Clayton's vlog channel had posted a new video about Charleston, but it mostly covered the daytime as he and his crew had run around the city being obnoxious to locals. Angel's stomach twisted. God, he could see so clearly now how everything Clayton did was an act. An especially grating one, at that. How had he ever had a crush on this guy? 

And then there was Angel on screen, smiling into the camera and throwing up a peace sign as Clayton wrapped his hand around his shoulders. The rest of the video was made up of rapid cuts - walking to Broadway, drinking Fireball shots, dancing. Then a shot that mirrored the photo on Instagram of Clayton kissing Angel, his friends hooting in approval. The video cut to Clayton shouting at the camera for the viewer to buy his merch and subscribe to his channel, and that was it. Video over. His disgusting behavior completely edited out, Angel's fate left in question. 

Angel put the phone down, turning onto his stomach and burying his face in his pillow. He felt like trash. Literal trash, in that he'd been used and tossed away. And nobody even knew it. Nobody would care. After all, he had less than 20k followers. 

He stayed like that for a long time, face pressed into his pillow. Tears came on and off, but he didn't even feel sad. He mostly felt empty. He was nothing, a nobody. A fake persona for the internet to consume and then throw aside. A pretty face that got views. Content. 

His phone rang. He ignored it. It stopped. He continued to lay there, feeling awful. 

Time passed. He wasn't sure how long - he may have dozed off at some point. But then the phone rang again and brought him back to the present. 

He couldn't hide from the world forever. 

He lifted his head and turned to look at the phone, precariously balanced at the edge of the futon. His eyebrows came together in confusion. That wasn't the name he'd expected to see on the caller ID. 

"Hello?" He asked, bringing the phone to his ear. 

"Hey dude," Demie replied. Angel noticed for the first time that despite his tone being monotonous, there was a warmth under Demie's words. His voice was rich and deep, like the ringing of a gong. 

"Demie?" Angel asked. Of course it was Demie. But still, he was surprised. "What… what's up?" 

"Just checking in on you, man. You seemed super out of it last night." 

Oh, that was right. He'd called Demie. He couldn't remember much of the conversation, but one part did stick out in his mind. In his drunken state, he'd told Demie he liked him. And Demie had replied in kind. 

For the first time that day, his heart didn't feel like a cold heavy lump of metal in his chest. 

"Yeah. I'm okay." Angel lied. 

"You sure? You seemed… I dunno. Out of it." 

"I mean…" Angel took a deep, shuddering breath. When he spoke again, he had to fight to keep his voice from cracking. "I just… I really looked up to his guy, but now I know he's a complete ass, and I can't even talk to anyone about it, because they'll just take his side." 

"Yeah, fuck that guy," Demie said, and Angel couldn't help but smile. It was just the way Demie said it - he had no idea who Angel was talking about, and his tone didn't even change, and yet it really felt like he meant it. 

"Honestly, I feel like garbage," Angel said. "I just keep thinking about it over and over and I feel so fucking stupid."

"Yeah, uh…" There was a pause. "Do you wanna listen to a song I've been working on? I dunno, might make you feel better."

"The Orpheus one?" 

"Nah, it's an older song. It's part of this concept album Mar and I were planning about the Trojan war, but Mar moved before we could finish it."

"What's it about?" 

"You know who Achilles is, right?"

"Uh… he had a weak ankle, right? That's why we called it the Achilles Tendon." 

"I mean… that's the really short version of it, yeah. So Achilles had this best friend, Patroclus, who gets killed by Hector of Troy. And Hector takes Patroclus' armor, and that pisses Achilles off, so they fight. So Achilles wins and kills Hector, but instead of giving him funeral rites he ties him by the ankles and drags his body around outside the walls of Troy." 

"That sounds… intense, but okay." 

"Cool, hold on a minute." 

There was some scuffling in the background, and when Demie came back it was clear he was on speakerphone. 

"Okay, ready?" He asked. 

"Sure. Hit me." 

Angel could hear an acoustic guitar. The melody wasn't what he'd expected - he'd expected something fast and brutal, like the stuff he'd heard at the concert. But instead this was slow, plodding, like a funeral march. 

Then Demie's voice came in, low and resonant. Even over the phone it made Angel's sternum vibrate. He sang slowly, deliberately, drawing notes out in long holds. 

The lyrics talked about Achilles, about the pain he felt. It described how he lost a half of his soul, and how he sought revenge. But it wasn't a huge, bombastic revenge - it was a bitter one. The Achilles that Demie sang about couldn't heal the hole in his heart, and so he took it out on Hector. He didn't hate Hector, though, and he felt shame for the way he treated Hector's dead body, and he knew it would lead to his own eventual downfall.

It was a song about the cyclical nature of revenge, and of loss. Angel didn't even notice until the song ended that he was crying. Not silent tears, either - he was actually sobbing. 

There was a clatter as Demie picked up the phone again. 

"What'd you think?" He asked. 

"Holy shit, man," Angel choked. "Holy shit that was so fucking deep." 

"How'd'ya feel?"

"I--" Angel wanted to say that he felt like shit, obviously. He had already felt like garbage and then Demie had gone and sung an incredibly depressing song to him, clearly it would just make things worse. 

And yet, it hadn't. He didn't feel bad at all. In fact, he felt fine. Good, even. Like he was rejuvenated. It was as if the previous night hadn't even happened. 

"I feel better," he admitted.

"Cool. Hey, uh… be careful and stuff, or whatever." 

"Yeah. Yeah, thanks." 

"Cool, see ya." 

"Okay. Thanks. B--" The line went dead before he could tell Demie goodbye. 

He sighed, turning over onto his back. His entire body felt lighter, and the tune of the song swirled around in his head. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but it was like Demie's voice had healed him. His hangover was gone, his anxiety was gone. He wouldn't necessarily say that he was happy, but he felt… good. 

There was one thing he was certain of, though: he was falling fast and hard for Demie. Not in the parasocial internet crush way he'd felt about Clayton Howard, but in an organic way. Demie had been there for him twice now, despite virtually being strangers, and each time he'd come away feeling better. 

Not to mention, the way Demie had sung about Achilles and Patroclus had been so powerfully, painfully gay. 

He wanted so badly to see Demie in person.

[callous-goat]

all of the asks pretty pls

1.Kissed a girl?

Yup2.Kissed a boy?

unfortunately yup3.Had sex in public?

nope4.What’s your religion?

I kinda go with the flow5.What does your URL mean?

had an ex that used to call me her lil birb and then called me her seagull cuz seagulls are cool and I like suits so I photoshopped a suit onto a seagull and I was making a tumblr and I was like “This thing looks professional” and thus, theprofessionalseagull was born.6.Reason you joined tumblr?

liked seeing the funny stuff in screenshots then decided to join in on the fun7.Do you have any nicknames?

em, and thats about it. I like being called Myles tho instead of my birth name if that counts.8.Do you like bubble bath?

baths make me feel gross because im already dirty and then i gotta soak in the dirt so no i hate baths9.Kissed in the rain?

nope10.Dyed your hair?

wanted to, but no11.Soup or salad?

salad, I haven’t found a soup i’ve liked yet12.Vegetable or meat?

meat for sure (especially chicken)13.Go out drinking?

too young to do that14.Smoke cigarettes?

hate the smell so no15.Smoke weed?

my mom would kill me so no16.Do any hard drugs?

see previous answer17.Have you had sex today?

never had sex ever so no18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

I think like once, but it was a friend not even like someone i was dating19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

friends20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

not that i can remember cuz mine are like dark ass brown and they looked black when i was younger21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game?

you mean like im about to do rn? yes.22.Tried to commit suicide?

almost, but chickened out before i actually did it23.The last time you felt broken?

hahaha every day24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?

not everyone, just a lot of people25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

single and ready to mingle 26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair?

short27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl?

surprisingly their hair is the first thing i usually notice, like i especially like and notice short and dyed girls hair its my aesthetic28.Do you sing in the shower?

only if im in a good mood29.Do you dance in the car?

not anymore30.Where were you yesterday?

work31.Ever used a bow and arrow?

nope but i’ve always wanted to32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

when i was like 533.Do you think musicals are cheesy?

no, but to be fair the only one ive seen is les mis so34.Is Christmas stressful?

some years more than others35.Favorite type of fruit pie?

don’t really like pie in general, but my favorite fruit is apple36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i wanted to be an artist when i was little, then i saw other people’s art and was like “whelp better find something else”37.Do you believe in ghosts?

yup.38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

every other day is a deja-vu feeling39.Take a vitamin daily?

i try to, but i always end up forgetting40.Wear slippers?

nah, never really got into it41.Wear a bath robe?

nope42.What do you wear to bed?

pjs and a shirt43.Do you want to get married?

yup, someday44.Can you curl your tongue?

what kinda curl? i can do the taco thing with it but that’s about it

Relationship preference: 45.How many relationships have you had?

4 i think46.How can I win your heart?

be sweet and comforting and allow me to be clingy af to you. and don’t leave for like awhile without telling me why cuz i get worried.47.what makes a great relationship?

communication and honesty. never lie to me or i get salty af.48.Shy OR open?

if its asking about my preference then i don’t care either way50.Religious OR non-religious?

not religious to a point where they follow the words to a t but i don’t mind religion in general51.Caring OR non-restricting of you?

non-restricting but caring enough to not be possessive kinda thing52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge?

i dunno what that means tbh. 53.Piercings OR no piercings?

i don’t mind piercings as long as it’s not tongue piercings cuz those creep me out54.Tattoos OR no tattoos?

either way is fine, as long as it’s not like nazi trash tattoos all over ya55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?

stay at home cuz otherwise id be alone af cuz i hate parties ( i have social anxiety so i can’t really go to parties)