#ITS so fuckjng GOOD i will NEVER get OVER IT
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chaosmayhemgem · 5 months ago
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i finally played majoras mask after not touching it for like two months and now i remember why i played this game religiously. ITS SO FRUCKJGN GOOD
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nomaishuttle · 2 years ago
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im alsp seepy but i cant sleep bc my HAIRS WET!! luckily it dries quicker now Due to rhe haircut but still looking at a 2 hour situation... but also i dont feel like gaming. i might cook I guess. or i could watch el movie 😏 but id have 2 get my laptop and likee. yk.. i could watch downstaurs but id have to be sure my roommates r Fully fully asleep bc i dont have headphones for my laptop (i have my phone headphones but i hate the abominable fucking thinks) so id have to just have that shit open to the elements. rawdogging the sound. caint do that if my roommates are up!
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p1nkm1lkslug · 1 month ago
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my oc and her relationship with the creeps yayyyyy :3
Will + Samara:
- Samara has a slight love hate for will just because of what he's done
- she's highly aware that he's being influenced by boo boo the clown (💀) and he is most likely not going to listen to her
- she will warn him and just be super Omenius abt it and has told him that for whatever reason he changes his mind about the whole killer thing she wouldn't mind helping him back into civilization
- she views him slightly as just some kid who is easily influenced and EXTREMELY delusional, she has pity for him
- they met after will was walking alone in the ally after being jumped by a group of demons, she ended up saving his ass after he passed out and took him to her family's place on earth
- he looks up to her and is kind of fan boying since she's been close and personal with the people he aspires to be as a killer
- because of her bargain with slender she ends up getting an apartment due to her not being able to handle the mansion (she's going through hell) and also being kind of kicked out of her family's place after a fight with Jordan she gotta find someplace to stay
- they don't hang out much but when they do it's usually spent just grabbing snack and walking around abandoned places with him asking her questions and her answering all of them
- she doesn't want will to get hurt but she feels this disgusting jealousy knowing he had such a good life and it got thrown away over a stupid dream that is never going to come true
- while the two were drunk once she confessed how she thinks he's a fuckjng idiot and is going to fail in life
- she gaslights the fuck out of him when he brings it up 💀
- knows that she can't keep protecting him and that he needs to learn to grow up
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Frankie + Samara:
- she just wants to chat with bro is that to much to ask for 😭- was mainly drawn to him as the neighbor who was the only one willing to yell at jack and was also an undead corpse
- they met through jack and will, they dragged Frankie to the pub and as a slight form of embarrassment jack noticed Samara from a few years ago as the new recruit a few months before he was technically fired, and yelled at her to come join them, and just to make him shut up she went over and just said a quick high before being forced into getting a drink or two (nothing overpowers all the combat you learnt then social anxiety 💀)
- Frankie and her just sharing a few glances off "I fucking hate this so much"And then the two slightly bonding over it
-it's like when two introverts meet and the other ones waiting for you to talk and your scared so you both just stand like y'all are in the sims
- offered him a cigarette and just tried asking him how he knew jack and will (and then they both just slightly shit talked jack)
- she wanted to practically bombard him with questions regarding his re animation
- over all its just "PLEASE HAVE DINNER WITH ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE"
- thinks he's a funky guy with a weird accent
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Issac + Samara- literally just "I'm tired off this grandpa! " "WELL THAT'S TO DAMN BAD"
- Vanessa and William Afton, John Kramer and Amanda,jinx and silco, he is literally just an unhinged skeleton being rolled in a wheelchair by a mentally unstable emo fag 💀
- it was a rowdy night in a near by bar next to Sam's home on earth when this wench phantom of the opera looking guy walks in with the most horrendous British accent and gets into a bar fight with some random college guy, Sam didn't get involved till she saw that he wasn't human and intervened by tackling him and dragging him outside
- eventually after whistling for Abby her hellhound body slammed Issac and she just started interrogating him
- she quickly found out that he was most definitely not from the 21 century and after letting him explain that he was after a family member they struck a small deal
- she would help him find his grandson (she is unaware he is related to will) and in exchange she needs him to help hunt down an awful abusive husband of her dear friend (with benefits 💀)
- she finds him kinda annoying but is willing to help, but she finds his voice like nails on a chalk board (think noodles and murdok)
- "you know that flapping thing you were doing with your mouth? " "You mean speaking? " "Yeah that.. No more of that"
- off topic but if Issac was killed in the UK how tf did he travel to America (I'll just say his dumbass fell in a well and got teleported, and also did her act like captain America out of the ice 😭)
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LJ + Samara.
- "I was abandoned.. " WOMP WOMP L RATIO GET FUCKED
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moonlit-stay · 25 days ago
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(合 (HOP) Edition)
This is me writing out my thoughts of each song as I'm listening to them.
Feel free to ignore this😂
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Walkin On Water thoughts:
GOD THE THUNDEROUS VIBES ARE SO, SO VISUALLY STRONG FOR THIS AND I CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE IT
MISS THAT ERA SO MUCH
HOW THE FUCK DO THEY ABSOLUTELY DEVOUR EVERYTHING THEY TOUCH AND BREATHE NE A R I'M LOSING IT
MY MUSICAL PIONEERS🥹😭
GOD THIS SONG IS SO GOOD, AND THE FITS???????
CHRISTOPHER???? SIR????
GOD, RAP LINES VERSESSSS
Bounce Back thoughts:
OH MYIS FUCKIND GOD
HIT ME PLEASE WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT RHE FUCK. DID FELIX SAY????
HELIOKDJDJSHSJXDK
OH MY FUCKKNG GOD MY JAW HOT THE FLOR
I'M GENUINELY TWEAKING THIS IS SODJXIEJEJEIDJDJDH
RHE FUXKKNG VOACALS?????@?#>#>×>×<'
OH MY FUCKKNG GOD THID SONG
BANG CHAN???? THE FUCKJNG CLAPS????
MY BRAIN GENUINELY CANNOT COMPREHEND THIS SONG IS REAL LOED HELP ME
U (feat. TABLO) thoughts:
OH I AM EXCITED FOR THIS ONE
OG DEAR GOD THE BEAUTIFUL FUCKINF VOCALS
I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE EVOLUTION OF HYUNJIN AND FELIX'S VOCALS I AM IN LOVEEEEEEE
FELIX'S VOCAL RANGE IS SO INSANE MY GOD
WE TRULY SNAGGED SOME OF THE BEST VOCALISTS IN THE INDUSTRY. ARGUE WITH THE WALL.
I LOVE THIS SONG OH MY GOD
Walkin On Water (HIP Ver.) thoughts:
FUCKING HITTTTTT MEEEEEEEEEEEE
I SAID THIS ABOUT THE ROCK VERSION OF LALALALA AND THE FESTIVAL VERSION OF CHK CHK BOOM, BUT THIS VERSION OF WALKIN ON WATER AT MUSIC FESTIVALS WOULD HIT SO GODDAMB HARD
OH J LIVE THSI
THE WAY THEYRE RELEASING THESE VERSIONS AS PART OF THE ACTUAL ALBUMS???? SO GOOD
THIS HITS SO HARD OH MY GOD
Railway (Bang Chan) thoughts:
I AM NOT FUCKJNG READY LORD GOD
OH MY FUCIJG FOS
JAW IS ON THE FLOOR I CANNOTTTTT44
I HAVEN'T HEARD THIS ALL THE WAY THEOUGH YET, SO I AM LOSING IT
CHRISTOPHER FUCKING BANG
GOD THIS IS SO, SO FUCKING GOOD I CANNOT EXPLAIN
I NEED TO JUNPTHIS MANS NONES GOD PLEASE
CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR WHO HE SAYS WROTE THESE LYRICS🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
A BRICK WALL HE PASSES ONCE A WEEK PROBABLY
Unfair (Felix) thoughts:
THE VISUALS FOR THIS FUCKING STAGE??????????
BEAUTIFUL ETHEREAL PRETTY, PRETTY BOY
HIS FUCKJNG VLICE
I WILL GO BANKRUPT FOR THESE VOCALS
I USED TO PRAY FOR THIS PLEASE
In all honesty, there's something about him being our sunshine and releasing songs like this that jumbles my brain. Such a bright, happy boy with deep, meaningful, and kinda sad songs :(
HALLUCINATION (I.N) thoughts:
AHHHHHHHH IM NOR RAEDY
OH MY FUCKKGN FOSF
THE...FUXKING...FITS...MY...BRAJN...
I CANT RHINK STRAUGHT
I STILL FUCKING HEAR "Girl, I wanna see you naked" AND I CANT FUCKING JNHEAT IY
NAWT HELPING MY CASE YANG JEONGIN
AHAHJDI O G MT SGUCK G FOSBH
THE MAKNAE RELEASING A SONG LIOE THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY, HE DOES NOT WANNA BE BABIED ANYMORE
Youth (Lee Know) thoughts:
PRETTY BOY LETS GOOOOO
THE UNVEIL TRACK FOR THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVE IT I LOVE HIM LORD
I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS VOICE
HE'S PERFECT
THIS SONG MAKES THE DEEPEST PARTS OF MY SOUL HAPPY
So Good (Hyunjin) thoughts:
VERSACE PRINCE FUCK THIS SHIT UPPPPPP
THIS IS SO HIS FUCKING VIBE OH MY GOD
MY FUCKING GODSDDDSSS
THIS IS SO FUCOING GOOD OG MY LORDDDDD
THE UNVEIL TRACK ON MY MINDDDDDDDDD
I LOVE SEEIMG HIM ENJOY PERFORMING AND THIS SONG IS JUST SO FUCKING PERFECT FOR THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS
SEEING HKM HAPPY IS MY FAVORITE
OH MY FUCK???????
GODDAMNNNNNNNNNNNN
ULTRA (Changbin) thoughts:
YEEEEEEE3EEES
THINKING ANIUT THIS BUFF MANS STAGES FIT FOR THIS SONG LORD HAVE MERCY
WHO FUCKING KNEW WE WOUOD GO FROM SONGS LIKE STREETLIGHT TO DOODLE AND ULTRA🫠🫠🫠🫠
I LOVE THIS SO FUCKJNG BAD DUDE MH GOD
NEED HIM TO CHOKE ME OUT ACTUALLY???????
GODDAMNNNNDIXJ3HSUFIEJSH
Hold my hand (HAN) thoughts:
OUR FUCKING ROCKSTAR MUSICAL PRODIGY
OH THIS FUXKING VIBE
I LOVE HIS MUSICAL VIBE SO MUCH ITS JUST SO SO PERFECT
GOD HIS FJCKING VOICEEEEE
THERE TRULY IS NOTHKNG THIS MAN CAN'T DO GOD THE TALENT
NAME ONE TIME HE HAS NOT ABSOLUTELY KILLED HIS HIGH NOTES????? EXACTLY. AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES.
As we are (Seungmin) thoughts:
I WAS GENUINELY UPSET WHEN I REALIZED THIS IS THE LAST SKNG OF THE ALBUM??? EVEN TJOUGH IM HONNA BE LISTENING TO NOTHKNG BUT THIS ALBJM FOR OVER A MONTH STRAIGHT?????
THE UNIVERSE'S VOCALIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I COULD LISTEN TOBHIM FOREVER AND EVER MY CHRISTTTTTTT
SUCH AN INCREDIBLY BEAUTY VOICE FOR AN INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL MAN I LOVEEEEEE
THESE INDIVIDUAL SONGS ARE THROWING MY EMOTIONS ALL OVER THE GODDAMB MAP HAVE MERCY I BEG
GOD I LOVE HIM AND HOS PERFECT VOICE
THIS SONG IS SO SO BEAUTIFUL
ITS LIKE ANGELS ARE SINGING TO ME BRO GOOD LORD
Final thoughts:
As per usual, so insanely proud of my eight and I'm so glad I'm still here and just as eager to support them and their journey as I was last year, and all the years before that.
There has been so many instances where I've seen or heard these eight do something and thought, "there's truly no group who can do this like Stray Kids does," and that still heavily stands to this day. Nobody is doing it like them and I will die on this hill.
All that aside, I'm so proud to be a STAY and I can't wait to watch them continue to dominate this industry. I truly love my eight endlessly🥹
Also very excited for my albums to get here🫣
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miles-is-so-gay · 1 year ago
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💕my fave female girlie is probably ada, i cant believe her and leon are both goth and trans
❤️oh god fave male girlie is very hard but ill try and chose a top three 1) ethan winters bc he is my wife 2) parker luciani and 3) albert wesker i love men so much aaaaaaaa i wish they were real
👀first got into resident evil when i watched 8-bit ryan play the re2 remake and then re7 in 2019-ish i believe, but as for when i got autistic about it, that was in around maybe march-april of this year (2023) when i hacked my ds and played revelations. i fell in love with parker and he became my husband
🎮fave main game HAS to be 7 bc a) ethan winters (my wife) b) i LOVE the outlast insp behind that game SO MUCH IM SO AUTISTIC ABOUT OUTLAST GRHA and c) scares the everloving shit out of me (as a horror game should)
🕹️revelations for the 3ds bc im gay, and also its the first resi game i’ve actually ever played, and also IT WAS SO FUCKJNG GOOD LIKE WHY DID CAPCOM NEVER DO ANOTHER 3DS PORT THAT SHIT WENT SO HARD WAAAAA
💥probably has to be either re6 or revelations 2. i havent played to much of either game but re6 is shit bc a) wesker has a son (?????? wesker is clearly a RAGING homosexual i refuse to even ACKNOWLEDGE jakes existence) b) feels like its built to played 2 player (i dont have friends who own the game or have the hardware to play it) and c) I DO NIT LIKE JAKE MULLER I WANT TO CREMATE HIM other than that the over the top goofiness is really fun to watch but not so much to play. as for revelations 2, the story and mechanics seem fine like really ok but i cant get past the beginning section with the fire spitter thing bc again, the game feels like its not meant for a single player experience
👹counting wesker, ethan, and heisenberg as b.o.w.s bc like they are but if we talking actual monsters with like 1 braincell between all of them then i wanna say the hunters or cerberus’ bc they are so silly or the giant plaga salamander bc it is also so silly
👑hobo trash magneto obviously, i fucking love old men with strength and chub but i do not like his voice, they 100% chose the wrong va for him bc he just sounds like elvis if he was a weatherman, other than that 10/10 but im going to dunk him in clorox, i think he moght need it
😇MY WIFE ETHAN THEY CUT HIM SHORT HE DIDNT HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT AND THIS ALSO ENDS REALLY ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE WINTERS’ AND MAYBE EVEN THE MOLD ALL TOGETHER AND I HATE IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAA
🚨probably. i think mia is actually a cool character like is she fucked up? yeah but i love men that have done worse so eh. i also think jessica is ok bc shes kinda a girlboss, she doesnt care if she gets hypothermia from the one WHOLE leg out of her suit and honestly? bad bitch behavior. she needs to keep slaying
📺GOD YES I DO! they are all so goofy and over the top, especially vendetta. i love watching them with my friends on a call and then we all yell about leon or chris’ ass lmao
⭐️weskie☺️☺️☺️☺️ he is (in my hc anyways) the silliest but most traumatized gay autistic creature i have ever seen and i want to give him a bowl of soup or smthn. that or let him experiment on me haha
💎im very casual usually, but if an achievement is easy to get i will 100% go out of my way to try and get it. i like difficulty but not so much that i want to yell and throw my mouse and keyboard/ds/steamdeck/other device
🔮i hope we get more mold content and mia content if she’s still alive (idk if she is tbh) i can pray but ik ethan wont be coming back :( something else that would be interesting would be a return of wesker, and seeing how his and chris’ dynamic has probably changed now that chris is like trying to embody his style idk
📖ofc i do im autistic but it comes in sections bc of just how much there is. so at first it was just really focused on chris and leon, then wesker and revelations, then homestuck and resi combined, and now im hyperfixated on 7 and 8 bc ethan is my wifey
💍multiple faves tbh, chrisker (chris/wesker), chreon (chris/leon), wintersberg (ethan/heisenberg), and mithan (mia/ethan (t4t couple of the century tbh (really only super into it when its boiled down to ethan being “i love my wife :)” or “i miss my wife :(“)))
🦠kind of, i definitely fucking LOVE the mold so much bc that shit really gets my brain terribly scared like omg, snd the t-abyss is very silly to me, i wish got more of it.
🌎i went down this rabbithole of self inserts (not ocs that are vaguely tied to me) when i was in 5th grade and not dojng that shit again, learned my lesson on how much shame that would bring future me
🎨occasionally, i do art of the characters some times but still have yet to post any writing about it
🪄either bringing ethan back to life or removing jake from existence bc i fuckign hate him
🔪if theres an option for stealth, i like snipers and silenced weapons but if i know i have to go guns blazing its 100% a shotty for me
😈wesker i love him so much he did so much wrong but he has childhood trauma and his ass is really tight i dont think it was on purpose/ref
🏆revelations for the 3ds!
✏️”ive sent my right hand to dispose of you.” “youre right hand comes off?” i cant believe they removed that its a fucking tragedy
⏰parker luciani, hes only appeared in one game and then a manga and thats it, i need to see more of british itallian ass, if i dont i’ll DIE
Send me an emoji!
(Resident Evil edition)
💕Who’s your favourite female character?
❤️Who’s your favourite male character?
👀When did you first get into resident evil?
🎮What’s favourite main game? (0-8 and Code Veronica)
🕹What’s your favourite side game? (Eg: Revelations, Operation Raccoon city)
💥In your opinion, which game is the worst?
👹Favourite B.O.W?
👑Who’s your favourite of the four lords?
😇A character you wish didn’t die?
🚨Do you have an opinion that is deemed unpopular?
📺Do you enjoy the CGI movies?
⭐️Favourite member of STARS?
💎Do you like to complete the game 100%/platinum it or are you more of a casual player?
🔮 What would you like to see happen in future games?
📖Do you like learning about the lore? Is there a specific part you like learning the most?
💍 Do you have a favourite ship?
🦠Do you have a preferred virus/parasite?
🌎If you were to wake up in the RE universe one day, what game would you like to be in and what role would you have?
🎨Are you a creator for the fandom or a supporter? If yes, what do you create?
🪄If you could change one thing in the games, what would it be?
🔪Is there a preferred type of weapon you like to use?
😈Who’s your favourite villain?
🏆What was your first game?
✏️Do you have a favourite line/quote?
⏰Are there any characters you wish had more screen time?
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iggykoopa666 · 3 years ago
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oh yeah by yhe way i eont think i ever talked abojt this here but this little ASS HOLE ruined his dog park privileges within 30 minutes of ever going to one my friend was over and he met her dog and was totally fine and they got along wnd then we took him to the dog park and was playing with yhe other dogs (also all various terriers) and he was totally fine UNTIL he saw a fucking pomeranian and i guess in his brain went "rabbit" cuz he locked the fuck onto that things ear and would not fucking let go and its a good thing my friend was there cuz she was able to get him to unlock his jaw. ans then we got him off of her and then he fucking wriggled oht and bit it AGAIAN this time on the tail. completely ruthless and insane complete instinct dumb fucker. and the lady (elderly) that the pom (also elderly) belonged to tried to get between them and he bit her arm and she was bleeding a lot. and then she pulled out a huge knife and went "im going to kill that fucking dog" and we uh just left . and my friend had to do damage control for a little bit and explained that holy fuck we did not expect that from him he has never been like that before we never would have broight him if we thought he would do that and they calmed down some and thankfully another person there had a first aid kit. the pom was fine btw it was shaken up but it didnt have any injuries. and i know jack russels have a prey drive but i didnt know he had a problem with it i mean like i said he met my friends dog and the other dogs at the park and was fine it was just the fuckjng. pomeranian that made his brain go crazy. and um so yeah i can never return to that dog park bc that lady is literallu there all the time i dont want to meet her again i dont think she would press charges bc she um didnt seem to have any money and also nobody like. saw my car or my license plate or anything im not worried about that but yeah we may be rehomjng him because my dad is worried about him being a liability . but also i knew from the firdt moment he was brought home that he wasnt yhe right dog for our family i told my dad so many times do not get a fucking jack russel you only want one because you think the neighbors dog is cute you do not have the patience to train or the energy to keep up with a jack russel youre 60 years old and work a fulltime job but then he went and got one anyway and then he even named it the stupidest dumbest shit ever so yeah if he does go i will be sad because i do like him but he really does need to be with someone who has more energy to take care of him he needs to like be a farm dog or be with someone who goes hiking or something . anyways im so mad cuz i cant take toby back there either and thats the only dog park around here. fuck this guy
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picture from directly after the incident . completely unfazed by what had happened. this man has tasted human blood.
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pompoms-bones · 4 years ago
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Woah huge rant about ana community!!
I hate that I ever came to ana tumblr. Before i came here, I was in recovery for a similar case of anorexia, but nowhere NEAR as bad as it is now. One day my ed thoughts got the best of me, and all of the sudden i was waist deep in ana tumblr. Pretty much every moment of my life was once again focused on food and calorie counting. I got so deep into it, in fact, that I started to think people saying “ana communities are toxic” were just flat out wrong. My time on ana tumblr made me realize that the people saying “ana tumblr is pro ana,” are actually right.
You can say it was my fault for coming here, “they weren’t responsible for triggering you.” I suppose in a sense you’d be right. But I know that ALL of you know how difficult it is to get out of an ana-based cycle. When food and being thin is the only goddamn thing on your mind, it becomes a genuine STRUGGLE to not browse ana forums and ana communities. You learn to like triggering yourself because its “motivating.” It honestly does feel good to know others have damaging thoughts just like you. You end up wanting it to be your entire lifestyle. You just cant stop logging on. A community that claims to not be proana shouldnt be causing thousands, if not millions of people to dive deeper and deeper into their eating disorders.
I hate that even though i wouldn’t wish anorexia anybody, me posting ana thoughts on this site literally makes me pro ana. I’m literally furthering peoples eating disorders, and even though it’s the last thing I could ever want, in this situation I am solely to blame for triggering others. It’s the same way that I will follow people who post their anorexic thoughts so I can further motivate my own eating disorder. I can say all I want that I’m using this account to cope, and even though that’s true, I feel like other people’s safety is way more important than me coping in... probably the unhealthiest way possible. I’m indirectly helping to ruin so many peoples lives by posting my ana thoughts and shit. This isn’t a recovery community like i’ve seen so many people claim- if it was, then a majority would be posting tips to recover, not reblogging tips to avoid binging after a 7-day fast. Ana tumblr is “follow each other and trigger yourself” and that’s just the truth.
Of course not everyone purposefully triggers themselves- some people genuinely want to recover and follow RECOVERY ana blogs. It’s awful they even have to have recovery in the name. Ana tumblr should be about recovery and a huge majority of it ISNT. It’s awful that I, and so many others, would go out of the way to avoid recovery blogs because it doesn’t fuel our eds. I’m so used to everything here fueling my ed that I genuinely don’t even want to get better. I see people eat 300 cal a day and think I’m not doing good enough. I see people exercise themselves into the negative calorie zone and think I’m not doing good enough. There are posts that are genuinely harmless that I can relate to and chuckle at and I feel like that’s fine- cope through humor. But holy fuckjng cow all I see is people shaming themselves for eating healthily and all I’m taking from it is “everybody deserves to eat that and be healthy :) and I deserve to eat fucking nothing because I don’t deserve to injest anything at all.” Forums like myproana are called pro ana because. it is. The topics are tips for being anorexic; how to be anorexic and avoid certain diseases, strategies for maintaining terrible diets, tips on what exercises burn the most calories, low-cal recipes perfect for keeping you in your calorie range, just straight up bonespo, and, ykno, just so much awful shit. That stuff BELONGS on a website called myproana because it’s clearly pro ana. You know what’s on ana tumblr? Strategies for starving and not binging, tips on what exercises burn the most calories, low-cal recipes perfect for staying within your calorie range, bonespo but mainly thinspo. A Lot of Thinspo.
We are no better than a site fucking CALLED MyProAna- so why do we act like we are?
Anyways, there’s only 15 of you, but to everyone who sees my feed, i’m truly sorry for triggering all of you. i’m sorry for fueling all of your eds. i’m sorry for never posting about recovery. i’m sorry for never even trying to encourage recovery through my posts. i don’t regret much, but if i could go back and stop anything it’d be the creation of this blog. anorexia sucks. bulimia sucks. binge eating disorder sucks. all eating disorders suck. i wish you all the best in your recoveries- your life shouldn’t end because you were afraid of eating an extra slice of bread or even a teaspoon extra of sugar. you deserve love, support, recovery, and most importantly, food. If you make the decision to recover, always remember that its okay to have bad days. healing is never linear, but i know you’ll make it. one day you won’t have to obsess over food. you won’t say no to hanging out with your friends just because there will be food there. you won’t be scared of family, eat-at-the-table, dinners.
I’m dipping for good. I’m going to eat 3 meals tomorrow and feel good about myself. Idk what I plan to do with this account yet, but I know I’m never going to come back. I won’t let myself continue to harm myself. I wish you all the best of luck :) stay safe everybody and know that you deserve so much more than you know.
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oh-for-fic-sake · 5 years ago
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Undercooked Popcorn
Masterlist
You and Konner have a mini training session in the barn and get in trouble with Clark.
Warnings: fluff, Swearing,
A/n: Here is a small fluff piece I have been working on enjoy XX
Taglist: @iloveyouyen​
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After the initial move to Mrs Kent's house they had given you a week to settle in before getting stuck in to your school work. Not only you but konner as well letting you both bond which you had, the both of you had become close...konner had opened up quicker than you had, already secure about his place in the family you on the other hand was less sure. You had a trouble with it you wanted to believe that you was here permanently , that this was it where you belonged but you couldnt help holdingnyour breath still waiting for something to happen. Currently you and konner was in the old barn, you'd both unconsciously decided that it was your hang out, the place you go to escape the adults and get to know one another without the eagle eyes of the others. Somewhere to get away from an overbearing Clark who seemed to take the term mother hen to a whole new level, it wasnt necessarily bad but it was hard for you to go from no one gives a shit to holy shit this guy is consistently fussing over you. You knew he was trying to be inclusive and trying to solidify your place in the family reassuring you, wanting to show you he cared. Which was good youll admit you liked the attention in a way, you'd not had this type of parental guidance for a long long time but you'd didn't realoze how suffocating it was. You also suspected that your injuries had something to do with it aswell, you couldn't exactly fault him for it.
So here you were hiding out in the barn with konner as Clark flitted about the place doing odd chores here and there .Martha had gone out to work and would be home after the lunch rush at work.  You rolled across the blanket that covered the hay pile your lime green cast glowing in the noon sun you winced as the light reflected off of it and shuffled moving it into a shadowed area. Currently you and konner were shareing details about your abilities, something the both of you had avoided and danced around until you got more comfortable with each other.
"Soo you don't make things? You just stretch'em" you nodded at him as he sat above you cross legged on one of the wooden cross beams that spanned the large space.
"Yeah pretty much..I can't touch living things tho, no plants or animals or people" you said glancing at your arm sighing it would have been nice to just fix it but no  you had to wait it out.
"That sucks..." you nodded mournfully but then tilted your head back to get a better look at him.
"So what about you? Your an ET wannabe right?" He laughed flipping you the bird"Fuck you" you giggled as he shook his head jumping down from the beam landing just before you.
"Kryptonian is the politically correct term I think....Well hybrid... I'm half Clarks and... Half human" he said dusting off a little to sit on the hay across from you. You noticed the hesitation and the way he swerved around his own comments. Deciding to leave it be you opted to ignore it, much to Konners relief.
"So can you do all the stuff he can?" Konner smiled and shrugged
"You mean dad? Yeah sort of, I can do most...We are still waiting to see if we're exactly alike but I've got the strength speed and flight....I can do the lazer thing to which is cool but I havent found a practical use for it yet...Or a way to practice that shit is hot." You hummed at him then looked out of the open barn doors to the corn field.
"Corn?" He tilted his head following your gaze confused
"What?" You smiled at him Sitting up letting your arms fall into your lap
"Pop some corn...I mean theres a field right there...." he looked at the rows of corn catiously.
"Popcorn...You want me to use my laser eyes to...Get you a snack? How is that gojng to help me?" You rolled your eyes at him grunting."Oh for fuck sake...get unpopped popcorn and I will throw them in the air and you pop'em with your melty eyes.... you know target practice...And if I happen to catch some with my mouth its a bonus!" He sat up a little it wasn't a bad idea but Clark wouldn't like it.He doesnt like him practicing without him here.
"What about dad? Won't he be pissed?" You laughed and shook your head.
"Not really not like anyone can see us out hear and Clark did say we can practice around the place" Konner's grin fell he was worried that you hadn't really...Adapted? well you had...But you wont refer to the others as Dad and Grandma. As far as he was concered you were his sister already but he just really wanted you to know it was okay...That you really did have a family now. His dad and Grandma had told him not to push but he got the feeling you wanted to...Somethjng was holding you back.
"..You do know he is technically your dad now to right... You can call him dad and you can call Grandma, Grandma they wont be mad....I think they would like that." you sighed looking down, you knew that but it just... You didn't know, was it disrespectful to your real parents? You'd only been here a week? Surely it was to early...Even if it felt right, natural. He waved a hand at you
"You dont have to...I just didn't want you not to.. you know..Incase you thought they didn't want you to thats all, don't want you to have stupid thoughts like that holding you back" you blinked at him smiling sadly
"I-I do but...I still dont think I will be here long...I'm gonna slip up, if I ever accidentally hurt Martha I'm gone"  he frowned at you
"No...If that happens; which I don't think it will, but if it does then we deal with it togethet...you wont get very far if you do run...Me and dad will bring you back home and we talk things out .Thats what family is, we stay together and help each other, your my little sister, the first person my age I don't have to worry about hurting so much. I can relax more around you because you can protect yourself if thing get to much, you think im gonna let you leave over an accident? Fuck no like Dad keeps saying your here now, your a kent and your stuck with us...I hope you see that sooner rather then later it can't be nice always being ready to run" your lip quivered eyes filling with tears as he explained this, the conviction in his voice how he spoke with absolute certainty. Unwilling to cry in front of him you simply nodded to him. Getting the message he patted your arm then disappeared for what seemed like seconds with a small bag of unpopped corn cernals.
"Show off" you sniffed moving to wipe your eyes only to hiss when you cracked yourself on the head with your cast you whined rubbing to sore spot and froze when Konner held out some tissues to you
"I grabbed them inside" you smiled at him meekly. He gave you a soft look, he hated seeing you struggle but he had said what needed to be said, said what he had needed to hear when it was him all those years ago. Quickly he changed his expression and smirked tossing you the bag of popcorn cernals you opened them swiftly still fighting a few tears back then looked around deciding on the safest area to throw them.
"So... Just to clarify if this falls down you will save me right?" he smiled nodding"Of course I will, you will be out of here before it even started falling down" you nodded then took two cernals in hand.
"so one or two?" he smiled and held up a finger. One. you threw it up and shreiked as he tried to ignite it missing ...well you only noticed he missed when you heard the little tap of it hitting the floor you both laughed seeing two tiny holes in the side of the barn. You grabbed another and threw it up he missed again, but he ws closer than before.This carried on for another few minutes with you oth getting excited as he got closer just skimming one, the heat from his vision making it partially pop.
"Oh no that one dont count you didnt hit the fuckjng thing!" He argued
"It popped tho!"  You blinked at him.
"Okay half a point ready to go again?" He fist pumped then nodded readying himslef to go agajn.Finally thirty six cernals later he got it. You both jumped up.
"FUCK YEAH WOO!" You quickly moved to the popped popcorn on the floor dusting it off then ate it, you held up your hands to him chewing slowly as if you was a food critic then shook our head.
"Yep no under cooked" you both stared then burst out into hysterics crying with laughter.
"Lets try two this time!" You nodded moving to the bag pulling two more cernals out of the bag when you turned back round you froze. Shit.
"Why are there singe holes all over this barn?" Konner jumped turning around faceing an unamused Clark, who stood frowning at the both of you with his arms crossed. You and konner shared a look then peered around the barn...There was lots of them.. Some were just peep holes others longer and had charred lines around them. In all the fun youd both forgot where you were, and the barn now looked like it had taken a spray of bullets from a firing squad.
"Well? Konner? Y/n?" You cleared your throat and smoved to stand beside Konner
"Konner was...practicing, training" Clark raised an eyebrow shifti g his weight to one foot.
"Hmm? what exactly? See how he could burn the barn down without setting it on fire?" You both winced at his tone...He really wasnt impressed.
"You know this barn is older then me? It survived me growing up playing in it, yet an afternoon with the both of you and it looks about ready  to keel over?....What were you both doing?" You moved to open your mouth but Clark stopped you holding up a hand.
"And if you try to get smart with me and say training again your going to be grounded for much longer then you already are young lady!" You flinched back. Wow. He had never spoke to you like that...Well not since you met him, he was always so laid back and fun, the type of adult you listened to because they were so chill but who knew he could switch over to no nonsense stern dad so effortlessly... You wavered uncertain how to approach him like this, it had been a while since youd cared about an adults opinion of you and you really didn't want Clark to hate you turning you looked to konner for help.
"Well...we were seeing how accurate my aim was...So y/n was throwing popcorn cernals and I was trying to pop them....I did miss a few times." Clark blinked then scanned the barn. He sighed shaking his head at his son exasperated.
"Konner... We've spoke about this I will take you to the fortress to train, but not here you could hurt yourself!" Clark stopped his scolding when he saw you take a large step infront of konner
"It was my fault I wanted to see so I came up with the idea...He was just trying to cheer me up." You stood firm shaking a little, you didn't like Clark raising his voice, he didn't shout but it was enough to make you nervous of him. He fixed you with a look making you cower from him slightly then sighed shaking his head, he didn't want you to be scared of him.
"Thank you y/n. But even if it was your idea he still knows how I feel about it I'm disappointed in both of you. Your both grounded for the rest of the week, this was very reckless and I don't want to catch either of you doing this again are we clear?" You both nodded to him solonmly resigning yourself to a few days being stuck indoors. He sighed then smiled a little to tell you the truh he was happy in a way, you'd become close and were up to mischief, which was good? You could both be a little reckless and act your age. You both had someone to let loose with. But he couldn't help worrying over the two of you. Had you got to carried away the barn could have collapsed,  yes konner would have most likely got you both out but you were already hurt, already vulnerable and fragile.  He really didn't want to risk anything. Luckily it hadn't come to that and the damage to the barm wasn't that bad... A few new boards and a new cross beam at the top, regular humans would need to dismantle the roof to sort it out but him and konner could have it done in an afternoon, he would also have you help as he had no doubt that you'd encouraged your brother. He smiled chuckling catching the two teens by surprise.
"Popcorn...I mean it was obvious right?..Wish I'd thought of that one...Any way lets start sorting this out befor Ma gets home shouldn't take to long not like the time I-" he caught him slef noticing the looks he was getting.
"What did you do to the barn?" You asked breaking the silence as konner waited both eager to hear what Clark had gotten up to when he was little. He cleared his throat
"Never you mind, now come on get to it, start picking up all that corn the we can see about plugging some of those holes" you shared a look with konner moving slowly collecting the corn as Clark moved to the back of the barn inspecting the damage.
"What do you think he did?" Konner shrugged
"Not sure apparently according to Grandma he was a little goody two shoes so... it couldn't have been that bad"
"Im gonna ask her when she gets back" konner froze and shook his head.
"No dont! Do not do that! We don't wana be in trouble with Grandma ever, dads a piece of piss to deal with but Grandma? She is a different beast altogether...To clever with punishments I mean she perfected her methods on him... She knows what shes doing" you blinked at him.
"We? You mean you I wont get in to much trouble...I mean evidence points to you, your the one with laser eyes." You smirked impishly at him as he looked shocked.
"You'd throw me under the bus? Just like that?" You nodded
"To avoid Martha's wrath abso-fucking-lutly sorry dude but Im not getting sucked into that shit show...Actually....Dont worry I got this she will never know." Befor Either on them could ask you'd closed your eyes then opened. Konner took a step back as they glowed bright. And sure enough the small holed were closeing, you coiled the fibres of the wood around in tight circles until the holes were all coveres feeljng aroh d the planks looking for them all. Konner gasped watching the way you manipulated the planks hearing a slight tiny creaking of the wood as it bended around itself.  You moved to the side looking at the damaged beam quickly knitting it back together filling in the two deep burns that ran across it. Slowly you looked back down to the other two and smiled.
"All done...The beam should hold I made the grain tighter where it was." Clark smiled as he made his way towards you patting your shoulder and giving a sweet kiss to your hair.
"Thank you y/n now I think we shouldall head inside dont you?" You stuttered as he continued past you and Konner. Who was gaping at you.
"That was so fucking awsome! You made that look so easy...Is it? Whats else can you dowith it? And your eyes shit! Even I was scared for a second..." you flushed fidgeting going all bashfull.
"Oh haha sorry for scaring you...And that was easythey were tiny holes to plug." You moved slowly following Konner and Clark to the house.
"You still gonna ask Grandma about what he did?" You nodded at him laughing.
"You bet! I wana hear about all the dumb shit he did" he smiled at you as you both made it to the kitchen. Clark had entered and was already sitting down at the table with a drink.
"Your both still grounded by the way" you pouted at him
"No fair I fixed it!" He rose a brow at you
"It wasn't about the damage, I want you both to be carefull, you were reckless and both put yourselves at risk unnecessarily so rest of the week. No phones, games or tv. No leaving the farm and you can help your Grandma and me with the chores..." you sighed and looked to konner defeated he only shrugged in responseas if to say 'nothing you can you do' you slumped down into the chair pouring yourself a glass of juice from the pitcher Konner following suit grumbling to yourselves Clark shook his head getting up placing his glass in the sink. Teenagers.
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childhoodgrave · 4 years ago
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whats dtl about ifff ud like 2 talk abt it i see cute sprites & decide i wanna know things.. hehe the top hat n cape guy gif is in sync w my music hehe
IM SO GLAD U ASKED this game is probsbly my favorite game ever its been a special interest if mine since i was 7 and i dont think its a GOOD game per se bt i love it a lot and it impacted me a lot as a little kid w a mild interest in art :)
so basically the game is a little 2d adventure platformer where u get to draw and design the character u play as. its p clunky and the way ur character moves looks rlly silly bt again this game was released in like 2010 on the ds so its ok .. the game also gave u templates to go off of and use too just in case u didnt want to design a character from scratch
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the story of the first game is abt this world that was drawn into existence by “the creator” in the book of life. u hav this little sequence where u get to draw the world, and the forrests and the creatures tht wld inhabit it. the creatures tht inhabit the world are callec raposa and they r little fox creature w funny ears :)
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like this guy (his name is zsasha and hes a thief but hes like a bad one who ends up returning all of the stuff he steals and also watching over a little orphan girl who he basically adopts LOL)
in the universe if the game the “creator” eventually went silent and the raposa lost hope in them ever returning. the world was slowly shrouded in darkness and gradually all of the raposa inhabiting this little village were either lost or left on purpose bc it was slowly falling apart. the game starts when one of the remaining raposa, mari, prays to u, the creator, to come back and help restore her village, saying that everyone else has lost hope but she still believes you can return to her. u can answer, and either say that u will help or you wont, but either way u end up agreeing to help her and she goes to tell her dad, the mayor, abt it. you create a “hero” to be the vessel you will speak thru, and thats the character u end up designing and playing as. the game is abt going to various areas from the village and rescuing all of the raposa that are lost there, as well as restoring the village to what it used to be and drawing in bits of the landscape, like the sun and plants and stuff.
the villain of the story is a guy named wilfre, who was another villager in the town who ended up drawing in the book of life bc he wanted to create things the way the creator had. he ended up making these big inky monsters and got consumed by them, and when u meet him at the beginning of the game he tears up a bunch of pages in the book of life which get scattered across the land and you have to collect them in order to restore the village.
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so u basically just go around saving villagers, collecting pages of the book of life, and redrawing bits of the town that were lost to wilfres shadows. eventually wilfre ends up like, killing maris dad (the mayor) and then after youve restored a majority of the village you enter his realm and kill him!! yay :)
throughout the game you also meet these two weird npcs called heather and mike. heather is a little raposa girl who has half of her face covered in shadows, and shes mostly mute. shes found early on in the game and is taken care of by another one of the main characters named jowee
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mike is a character u end up rescuing later on in the game, hes p confused and doesnt know how he got where he is, and hes also different from the other raposa bc he doesnt have ears like they do and kind of just looks like a normal human (even tho none of the raposa know what that is and they just think he looks rlly weird)
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in the first game heather is shown to take a liking to mike but it isnt explained why and she doesnt talk to its left unexplained
so yah the first game ends with you, the hero, defeating wilfre. mari takes on the role of her father and becomes mayor of the town, and all of the raposa (+ mike) live happily in the town youve restored. the hero goes dormant because theyre no longer needed and u get a scene at the end of the game w them sitting by the ghost of maris father.
the SECOND game takes place a while after the first game, in which wilfre returns and captures heather at the beginning of the game. he also kidnaps a bunch of the other villagers and transports them somewhere else, and he drains the color out of the village the raposa were in. they end up fleeing on a giant turtle with an abandoned town on its back that appears while the color is draining from the village. inside mari and jowee find another mannequin similar to the one the creator had drawn the hero on in the first game. they pray to the creator for help and thats when u draw the hero u get to play as for that game!! the hero doesnt seem to remember mari and jowee or any of the events of the first game, but they agree to help them rescue heather and all of the villagers wilfre stole.
jowee also has like, this magic pendant that belonged to heather that he found after wilfre took her, which seems to be leading them to where heather is. they use that to navigate the turtle thru the ocean to a bunch of other islands on the world. the second game is basically about traveling to different islands and helping them restore the color thats been drained out of them by wilfre. you also meet these two characters, salem
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who is a villain in the first island u travel to, and sock
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who is a villager on the first island u visit who ends up befriending jowee and traveling with them while they try to save heather.
so ur doing all of that but THEN, halfway thru the game mari is shown to be talking to wilfre, and then she dissapears. jowee assumes wilfre has captured her too, but shes later seen on the turtle again, and rips out a bunch of pages in the book of life the way wilfre did in the first game, and then wilfre appears to take her away and says that shes working with him now. jowee is heartbroken but resolves to get her back as well as heather
THEN, sock, jowees friend from the first island whos been tagging along and helping out, is ALSO revealed to be wilfre in disguise and he betrays jowee and steals heathers pendent, leaving jowee with basically no means of finding heather and wikfre and mari by extension.
so eventually they do end up finding where wilfre is and mari is like “jowee you dont understand wilfre has shown me the truth of our world and who the creator is and thats why im helping him” and jowee is like “i cant believe yoy are helping him how could you i cant believe you bla bla bla” and so wilfre is like “FINE ill show you the TRUTH of this world” and takes jowee and then the hero is kind of left ln their own for a bit to like wander around the world and try to keep rescuing ppl and such. and eventually jowee comes back and is like shaken up but kind of vague abt what wilfre showed him, but he still decides to side with the hero and the creator and eventually mari is convinced by him to join them again as well
so u fight wilfre again and EVENTUALLY wilfre reveals that if you defeat him basically the entire world will dissapear and thats what hes been trying to avoid by fucking w things and messing with the book of life. so all of the raposa have a bunch existential crisis abt them ceasing to exist if they go thru with this but then they decide to to it anyway bc the alternative is just as bad blah blah and u go and kill wilfre and he does this when he dies which is cool
[the gif was fuckjng broken im sorry but like look up his sprites and youll fjnd it 💔]
and now heather is back!! and her and mari and jowee are all talking about mike and how important he is and meanwhile mike has no clue whats going on and is kind of freaked out by all of this, but theyre all like “mike you need to wake up” as theyre all fading out of existence and shit around him and eventually him and heather are the only ones left and they dissapear too
and THATS when you get the ending and find out it was all like a dream mike was having while he was in a coma after a car crash anx this plays while the credits role lol https://youtu.be/Kur0qaYM1jM
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^ they ended up releasing different versions oft he game w a less dark (but still w the whole ‘it was all a dream twist’) and thats it!!
there was also another game released for the wii that like gave wilfre a girlfriend kind of but i never played it to completion bc it used the wii remotes motion controls to like draw and shit and it was rly janky and hard so i never finished it and most ppl did the same. i kind of rlly want to try playing it again tho bc it was a p cute looking game even if the controls were fucked up
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AND YEA thats drawn to life its a weird silly little series tht i was obsessed w when i was a kid and it still holds a special place in my heart :) i basicaly just spoiled the entire series i guess but if u have a ds or a 3ds (bc the game is backwards complatible ! ) id still suggest like getting a cartidge off ebay or something and playing it bc its honestly a rlly sweet and beautiful looking game and i think a lot of it still homds up even if the controls r rlly janky now
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thatgirlkalani · 7 years ago
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Everything rant.....Can I die yet
Its just so fucking much like its fucking pint up anger and depression and anxiety and sadness and all this other shit and I hate crying because i can go from one thing to the next and cry for fucking hours and im trapped I have no fucking freedom i cant catch a fucking uber i cant catch the fucking bus im barely fucking allowed outside by myself they still tell me when tf to go to bed IM FUCKING 16 GTFOMF I juss need some fucking space I just wanna get out my mom wants "so much good " for me and dosen't get she's suffocating me cause of her own paranoia and personal preference and to make her feel better it's never about me I DONT WANNA BE COMFORTED BC YHU FEEL LIKE A SHITTY PARENT IF YOU JUST LET ME CRY well let me fucking cry she changed her and my dads name in my phone i changed it right back to "Sperm donor "& "birthgiver" theres a connection missing a bridge that they burned that idk if it'll ever be fixed im not comfortable having them and mom & dad im my phone I'm not comfortable completely claiming them i just cant I haven't seen my sister since I was 11 IM 16 FUCKING YEARS OLD MAN I havent seen her since i was 11 5 fuckung years because she knows our dad is on that nut shit and my mom is crazy she wont come see me bc of them and the one time she was gonna do it anyway MY DAD FUCKS US OVER ..she wont come because she can escape the crazy...I'm stuck in it my mom is so full of it she constantly tells me im perfect how i am but i just want to be skinny but what does she tell me "you're delusional stop believing the lies you're not fat but you cant be skinny" ofc I cry MORE than im already crying bc my fucking Bestfriend is moving back to fucking NYC where I cant fucking protect him and I fuck w shorty I really do but I feel like I'm being forced to just hand him off to her and that highkey hurts like hell and im being told to "sacrifice " "there's plenty pf years ahead for you to have fun"..not if i have anything to do with it just ...bc im in school when I can make a way to live and be in school just give me the permission but no I have to "sacrifice " IM FUCKING TRAPPED I NEED FUCKING PERMISSION TO WALK AROUND MY FUCKJNG HOUSE I just want an escape man nd im tired of niggas playing w my emotions IVE LIKED YOU SINCE NOVEMBER MF yhu don't want a relationship...i respect that..but you like me and sometimes you act like it most times you don't i honestly cant read you and i dont like thT shit BUT YHU NEVER WANNA TALK ABOUT IT..BUT YHU DONT LIKW THE BROKEN LABEL¿ WELL IM SORRY THAT I WAS FUCKED OVER AND WAS FORCED TO PUT UP A WALL AND THAT YOURE NOT HELPING ..."move on" they say I would but when i decide i might here yhu come hitting my phone or i see a video or picture and im yours again i cant fucking leave...Ashton came along and I could really fuckin like him but no im stuck on you I can like him all I want but let me see you and its over so even if i did move on to him i can't be completely happy bc i put too tooo 5,4,3&2 much time into you you could be perfect personality wise but you're so difficult i get fucking nervous texting you with him i dont but its still not you. You dont over sexualize me and thats not all thats on your mind with him I can tell it might be a problem i don't wanna send fucking nudes im too self conscious but you ask for pictures of me smiling WHO TF DOES THAT ILY FOR IT....but you don't like the broken label....and you don't want a relationship and idek if yhu even gaf..but im stuck until you make me move on... Im scared to tell niggas off about sexual shit i don't wanna be ignored but after what I've been thru... i dont even like sex unless i really care about you but i hate sending nudes i hate being asked for them i hate being sexualized i hate it all like just cuddle me and dont like clearly try to grope my ass and boobs thatd be great thanks....am I dead yet
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anarcho-bard · 5 years ago
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Dont fucking reblog or I will hunt you down
Yall this is generally really depressing dont read if ur in a bad place I just need to vent and yelling into the tumblr void is comforting
Also if I know u irl I'd prefer if u dont read cause I guess itd make things weird, but if u do just dont like mention it plz I'm working through it
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Well first of all whenever u begin thinking about fucking climate change I just want to cry. There is no way I can see our society making the changes that needed to be made in time. It's already too late in some parts of the world. I'm just so fuckjng angry at the government, and the LNP, and basically everything. And I know I shouldnt be so pessimistic but I just,,, dont see it. I'm going to fuckjng die of climate change. Just so the rich can have more money. It's going to be slow and painful. And the government's main response to the protests is to begin restricting protesting alot and I wanna fucking cry. I hate it I hate it I hate it
Then theres just the overall shitty state of the world. Theres so much hatred and greed and I can hope and hope for a time when all that's been eradicated and capitalism is over but, its just so hard to see. I read the news every fucking day and a new absolutely horrible thing has happened, and because I generally read news on facebook you see the reactions people have and theres always so many people who react with the laughing emoji to so many fucking devastating things, often more than there are people who are actually sad about whatever the fuck has happened, and the comment sections are all so dreadful. Why are people so fucking horrible all the time, I just dont understand how people cant just see how refugees are people, and how trans people arent just looking for attention, and how the current welfare system is fucked and dehumanizing, and it's all so fucking horrible
And then theres all these stupid personal things that I feel stupid caring about because theres so much bigger things in the world that I should be thinking about. Like I cant stop looking at how much weight I've gained since i moved out. Like it's not even that much, and it's a good thing. I'm now in the healthy weight range instead if underweight, but like it just feels like alot and I can feel the fat on my stomach and my waist and I try to tell myself that this is a good thing but I don't like it I dont fucking like it and I feel so fucking stupid
And like this is also stupid and selfish but I also feel really fucking alone, like all my friends are dating people and everyone I have a crush on (which doesnt happen often bc anxiety means i dont make connections with many new people) ends up not liking me back and that's fine but I just worry that I'm never going to find someone and I'm going to be alone forever, and I know in theory that it's ok if I never get married or whatever but I want that sort of relationship with someone, I want to be someone's number one person, cause at the moment I'm not. That's okay, they have other people, but I just want that connection with someone you know? This is so stupid and selfish I dont even know if this makes sense
Man I'm feeling feelings today and they're not good ones
It's sort of weird because like for 90% of the day I'm absolutely fine but then theres these couple of thought spirals I get on and they make me feel sad and stressed and gross and just plain shit
I need therapy yeet
And like, at the moment I'm in a good place. I'm not in what I class as a low point in my mental health. I'm generally happy with how life is atm.
I'm putting deets in a reblog cause there will be some tw's
It's also way too much information that I should be putting online but whatever this blog is my outlet for feelings so
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one-shoop · 5 years ago
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I just had basically a panic attack or whatever over my dad calling for dinner. Oh but who would guess being singled out by a scream "FLOOOOOF! COME EEEAT!" every freaking night and told "COME ON HONEY" and "DID YOU HEEEEAR?" "FLOOOOOF?" "FLOOOF? ANSWEEEER?" doesn't give me, the girl who's terrified of eating to the point where she skips meals almost everyday, panic attacks. Dear god i cant freaking eat dad, I CANT EAT BECAUSE IT TRIGGERS MY GODDAMN OCD. But nooooooo. Apparently nobody bothered to ask me my triggers or even do some research after my diagnosis. And forgive me lord if Im not enthusiastic about explaining it myself becase EVERY GODDAMN TIME I TOLD SOMEONE THEY FORCED ME TO DO IT ANYWAYS. Told me "but the food is gooood" and "come oon, you need to eeeeeat" like i stg i'm so fucking tired
Of people telling me for an hour and a half to come fuck myself over with triggers and panic all the way and not be able to eat and be ashamed of myself and feel weak and unable to do anything. Like Jesus guys IT TRIGGERS MY OCD. MEANING THAT I CANT FUCKING EAT PEACEFULLY. I SONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK IF ITS GOOD OR NOT. ITLL SCARE ME TO FUCKING HELL.
And yeah, for supportive parents they sure are doing the fucking lords job right? After fucking up myself to ask fir help thar never vame and was always denied or stripped to its bare minimums then told to accept that as tje ultimate help, I finally ficking tet someone who validates me and gives me a diagnosis. Ans yoy funky get fuckjng told to your faces that FORCING KIDS TO FACE THEOR FEARS IS THE WORST THING FOR THEIR HEALTH. And MAYBE if you knew anything at fucking all you'd fucking realize that when I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR HELP OUT OF FEAR OF BEING SHAMED FOR IT, maybe is your fault???? And maune it impedes on mh recovery???? And maube i shouldn't be the only one to fucking take stepd to retake that???? Im all foe fu king getting the help I gucking need but for fucks sake cant any of you look like you can more for, I dunno, fucking parenting, other than whatever fycking meal you're having???? Is it roo kuch to ask to help me retake my right to asking for the hospital since its been mentioned at that same fucking meeting we talk about that I've tried asking for goddamn help and you said no????
Like you had a goddamn professional tell you that WHEN YOUR KIDS WANT HELP, YOU CANT DENY IT. And that by pretending that I jad to tough it up, you fucked me up way more. And thw most I got was a half assed sentence of "BUT IM PLACING ALL THE BLAME ON MYSELF, ITS UNHEALTHY" as fucking soon as the goddamn bells rang.
Like you had the nerve to ACXUSE ME of NOT asking for help and fucking NOT telling you anything. Ans believe it or not I STILL FUCLING THOUGHT THAT about a second ago. But honestly? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD ANULNE BE HONORABLY FORCED TO ASK FOR HELO THAT TJEU KNOW WILL NEGER VOME??? JUST SO YOU CAN SAY I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM WHO STILL BELIEVED IN YOU???? BECAUSE AFTER ALL THIS CRAP, AFTER BEING TOLD THE TRUTH, THE FIRS TTHING IM TOLD WHEN WE GET OUT IS THAT I NEED "TO TRUST YOU MORE"? AND "TELL YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS?" am I someone's fucking puppet here??? Do you just want ro ficking play with me until youre done?????
Like what the fuck???? YOU THOUGHT I "DID THE WRONG THING" BY NOR ASKING COR HELP. BUT YOU SONS OF DEMONS, YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN YOUR PHILOSOPHY WAS THAT FUCKED UP PIECE OF MENTALITY FROM THE GODDAMN FARK AGES THAT YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR KIDS TO FUCK OFF. OKAY??? YPU KNEW THAT ENOIGJ TO EXPLAIN IT IN BARF-INCUDING CLARITY HOW APPARENTLY ONE SINGLE GUCKING BOOK ON ANXIETY IN KDIS WAS ENOUGB TO RID YOU OF YOUR ENTIRE HUMAN BRAIN AND SUDDENLY IT DIDNT MATTER HOW MUCH WE CRIED AND BEGGED AND GELT ALONE AND NEEDED YOUR SHIR COMFORT, TOU DIDNT CARE???? WELL FUESS WHAT???? THE FIRS TTHING YOU TELL ME WHEN SHE SPEAKS, BLESS THWT DOCTIR, IS THAT I DONT EVEN ASK FOR HELP. and bless me I told them YO I ASKED FOR THE HOSPITAL AND YOU TOLD ME I WASNT SICK ENOUGH. AND YOU BOTH HAD THE GODDAMN MIND TO REFUTE IT. UNTIL MOM TOLD DAD TO STOP BEXAUSE "SHES RIGHT, ITS OUR FAULT, OUR BAD".
Like what the fuck??? Tou already knew that you wouldn't have given any help anyways??? Why the fuck am I even supposed to fucking ask??? Why did you EVER tell me to ask??? Was ir so you could feel fucking welcome??? So you could feel so fucking badass and awesome telling me the goddamn word of light exquisite and God Almighty in his tree in heaven that "FIND AOLUTIONS AND STOP CRYING"???? OR, NO, WAIT, EZCUSE ME, WAD I SUPLOSED TO COME SEE YOU SO YOU COULD PEP-TALK ME INTO FUCKING OFF FROM FEELINGS LAND AND "FIND SOLUTIONS"??? Did you want to feel like you gave me comfort without actually giving me some??????
Like what the fuck???????????? And -- why the FUCK foes it STILL appear smart tp tell me to fucking TELL YOU SHIT? GUYS I TOLD TOU MORE SHOT I WAS LEGALLY ONLIGATED TO. YOU CAME TO MEET MY THERAPISTS. YOU GOT THE BRIEFINGS WITH ME WHEN I INVITED YOU. YOU GOT TO SEE MY PSYCHIATRIST, AND MY DOSSIER, AND MY MEDS. I TOLD YOU I NEEDED A LISTENING EAR AND NOT AFVICE, I TOLD YOU I FELT SCARED SOMETIMES OF EATING, I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY OBSESSIONS, I ASKED YOU IF I COULD GO TO BE HOSPITALIXED BECASUE OCD GOT TOO BAD.
And you laughed at my fuccking obsessions. When i was a kid my biggest trigger was barfing, and bile. And guess fucking what? You fucking laughed around and invented the worst fucking single thing ever to say "fuck you get better" which was switching the goddamn syllables together and fuckinf singing it to me like it was fine now. Fucking laughing at me whenever ai had goddamn panic attacks. I diagnosed my own goddamn trigger at, what, ten? BUT I NEGER ASKED FOR HELP BECAUSE YOU FUCKINF LAUGHED AT ME EVERYTIME I CLOSED MY EYES AND MY EARS AND PANICKED TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. I WAS FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE. I COULD NOT BEAR IT. AND WHEN YOU SAW A TERRIFIED CHILD, YOU SID NOTHING EXCEPT LAUGH AND SAY "there, now they're done with talking, tou can stop closing your ears now". YOU FUCLING NOTICED JN THE WORST WAY POSSUVLR. I REGRET SHOWING YOU THE FIRST ENTRY I MADE ON THIS. I WAS SO ASHAMED OF IT. I THOUGHT IT EAS WRONG. OR SHAMEFUL. AND -- GUESS WHAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS YNIQUE TO MEZ TOO. IT WA THE SINGLE MOSR SCARY TJING IN MY EXIDTENCE. MY CHEST BURNED AND SQUINTED AND I FELT JOT AND I CRIED AND VRIED AND BEGGED AND YELLED IN MY HEAD FOR PEOPLE TO STOP, IN THE BUS, AT SCHOOL, AT HOME. AND IF YOUD BEEN SLIGHTLY GIOD AT YOUR FUCKINF JOB I MOGHT HAVE TOLD YOU FUVKASSES. BHT NO. AND GUEDS WHAT? UNLESS WHST YOUVE FUCKING TOLD ME, BEING IN PAIN IS NOT ONLY VALID OR UNSHAMEFUL WHEN YOU ASK ADULRS WHAT TO DO. FOR HOW FUCLING LONG HACE I BEEN TOLD THAT PAIN DOESNT MATTER UNLESS AN ADULT IS ON THE CASE? HOW LONG HACE U WANRED SOMEWHRRE WHERE GODDAMN ADULTS DIDNT FUCK YOU OVER? DIDNT CONTR EVERY THOUGHT YOH HAD? WHERE SAYING "YOURE WRONG" ISNT AN INSULT? WJERE KIDS ARENT JUST DENIED A COICE BECAUSE THEYRE KIDS?
Ughhhhh.how many times should I get convinced that your help is worth crap? That searching for your goddamn advice and "comfort" is of any goddamn help? That what shit you give me is actually good enough?? What this it worth my time? That I should be looking at myself??? That i should be squinting and hating myself???? That I'm not worth saving??? That -- goddamnit. God fucking samn jt. Goddamnit im so done with all these excuses. I'm so fucking -- I wanted help, I wanted love, I wanted excuses and loce and light and fear and farkness and friends and family and I cant even talk anymore. I cant talk from myf eeljngs anu.kre. I have ti go on goddamn instinct because my goddamn vortex is fucked up. I realize I eas incpaable of having a mental nature by myself at 8. When I eas alone, I couldn't feel anything. I felt aimless, I just felt nothing. I couldnt bring myself to feel anything. I ducking mtocied that, and yes, tou noticed to, but your goddamn reaction was to tell me to get a life and stop obsessing about that friend I used to play with and just learn to do shit myself and do shit on my own. (Basically, to my own stupid ass brain, this trainwreck of a sentence means I was like a kid who needed autonomy from their parents and needed to learn their life was their own.) Bur yeah!!!! Whenever I was alone I didnt give a shit!!!! I felt aimless!!! Lost!!! Shitty!!!!! And when I first saw myself as a disgusting hump of crap I was 10, I wss running happily and sang a song about witches ans I saw myseld in my head and god I looked like garbage and I hated it. I hated what I looked like. I resented the idea that people had to see me. I thought, why do people even stay with me, I'm disgusting. I can never pinpoint the reason becauee yes, my brain is that fucked-up. Someday it will be back.
But seriously. Does anyone else have old stores from early teens where everyone kept fuclibg Escalon without telling their parents?where kids didnt go home? Where the bes tthi g ws just leaving forever? Anyone think the second arc of Warriors was the bestBEXAUE THEY LEAVE and you KNOW they'll leave and you KNOW things are always better and sorry Leafpaw bur I hated tour arc like goddamn shit itself because SCREW THE CLANS, I hate them and I wanted ro leave anywhere that ft like home.
What do kids feel about their homes? Do fhey ever wish they moved? Do they ever seriously ask themselves why the fuck anyone would want to live here? Do they find it unnapealing? Are you supposed go be HAPPY to come home after a trip? Are you supposed to feel completely shitty from coming back, like a failure? Like you weren't supposed to come back, you were supposed to stay awau forever?
Did any kids have zero track of time? Did any kids watch old videos from babytime and realize that there's just something fucking terrifying about it without knowing fucking why?
I saw a kid watch a video on repeat of her dad doing something random like, an old baby recording from when the kud was running in the hallway and he caught her. She watched it on repeat for so, so long , until her phone stopped working I think. And i Remember being touched in a way I neger knew possible, and telling myself from the top of my ripe old 13th year, well thars not something ive ever done or wanted to do. I remember going, why the fuck would you do that? Aren't you happy hes gone? Aren't you happy to be gone?
I remember being straight terrified of my paternal grandmother at 5 only to realize yeara later that she used to be violent and terribly abusive to everyone. I remember being terrified of my aunt's husband, and feeling something undescribable that felt lile a stabbing wound in my aunt's eyes, until I finally learned that he used to beat her. I remembwr hating Éric Salvail for some reason and being really u comfortable around him until BAM, guess who was a goddamn creep and sexual harrassment pro? This guy. I remember so many fucking things that made me uncomfortable and it turned out to be right, about people at least.
But I remember hating my own picture for as long as I can remember. My face unsettles me. I never fully write why, or go to the end of my thoughts. I have problems, I know. I hope knowing what they are will help.
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I would do anything to go back two years. Just two not my whole life but two years. Unfortunately I've been having to learn the hard way that no matter how much beer I drink or how long I lay in my bed day after day that time isn't gonna wait for me. So yeah everything fucking sucks. I hate myself and shit but since I have a strand of fucking hope just enough not to jump into on coming traffic I do whatever I can to avoid having a mental breakdown every day. Even if it means smoking a whole pack of Turkish royals a day or working two jobs non stop or playing wingman to my newly single friends or going on stupid dates I regret every time or even if it means picking up a new fucking hobby every other week because for some reason the hobby the week before I became to fuckjng good at because I constantly did it to avoid thinking about how badly I needed you and inlet it all go for nothing. Yeah I'm alive n shit. I know I'm fucking dwelling but holy fuck its me and it's not just me being stubborn and choosing not to move on because trust me I have tried everything to get over you it's just that I can't or something is telling me not to I don't fucking know but if I could go back two years I'd kiss your stupid fucking face listen to you rant about shitty friends and your love for the front bottoms and how much more you want to do with life and instead of dwelling like I'm doing now I'd fucking make shit happen for you and us. I'm sorry I'm so stuck on you I wish I wasn't. It's just hard to sleep when all I can think about is the fact that I'll probably never see you again and you'll be fine with a perfect life abd forget about me like I meant absolutely nothing at all. Maybe it's not actually hownit is but I'll never know that. Two years is all I want back I know I don't deserve shit from you but if you could meet the man I am today you'd see all the progress from the piece of shit I was a year ago. In best regards
TJ
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