#ITS ONE OF THE MOST RELATABLE SONGS I HAVE ITS JUST GOSH I FEEL IT

[nothingbizzare]

for the Spotify wrapped thing number 13 aka best number (I was born on that day)

GOSH THIS SONG IS ONE OF MY FAV LIKE U CANT UNDERSTAND am going crazy on fugo Friday hgcjgfjgfjg!! ITS such a Fugo song ya all get only thouse here heheheh !!

[rebo-chan]

HI GUYS!!!!

In an attempt to pump some positivity into our little tag. I've had a bit of a rough week and in late celebration to our protagonists birthdays passing by earlier this week. I wanted to kinda go around and see what we got in terms of love for this series. I wrote something for Tsuna's birthday that really gutpunched me and like..Its serious yall. I'm here for LIFE.

So, devoid of any criticism towards the series, it's all love around here. What are your favorite aspects of this series? Anime, manga, stage play, novels, characters, fandom, etc. Anything goes. I just want to know what keeps you all around? Let me hear it, my friends. Why do YOU stay?

I'll go first.

I love the found family aspect, each and every single bond of the series is so heartwarming to me. These people feel like family, and everytime I consume the series, I notice a new aspect about their friendships.

The anime!!! The anime is really really important to me. Every voice actor, every OST they add, every little flavor scene they add to extend a manga chapter to fit the anime time. I adore it. The anime directors brought this series to life, and its so full of love.

Flames, flames, flames. I love them so much. The color-codedness? The Vongola Guardian characteristics? It feels me with such a childhood level of whimsy.

Tsuna's character arc. Just. That is so deeply relatable, I can't even.... God, i love him.

The!! character songs!! (again, thank you anime producers. For Rebocon, for making the character songs, for everything!!)

Our silly character numbers. To the outsiders, it looks like morse code, and it makes us feel like a community talking in secret to one another. The KHR fandom club.

In terms of fandom, I love love love love love AUs, as well as canon-adjacent of course. But, this cast is so colorful. Let me yoink them and put them in a new place and watch them fuck around. (Amen to monster tamer, our canon AU)

And of course, I love the character analysis posts we get around here. I have deep respect for those who can make little meta posts. Shoutout to hopeswriting, I won't tag her but gosh. Some of the most fun conversations I've had in my life. As well as a number of people I've met along the way. You guys are!! amazing!! Thank you for all the conversations, they've driven me so so insane!!!

And that's my list :] And now, I toss the question back to the rest of you all. Why, who, or what do you love?

[sugoi-writes]

aaaaaye I edited #25 because I refuse to hear you say any part of your adorable anatomy is not adorable

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Hazel I'm gonna kick kiss??? your ass GDHDHDHDS HOW DID YOU KNOW

What are your 5 favorite songs rn?

**heavy breathing in Sleep Token** JK, Jk, here is my real answer, my love (one that does not include Ascensionism. Keep in mind my favorites shift around a lot):

Cracker Island - Gorillazs (IDONTCAREIFPEOPLEHATETHEIRNEWSOUND. IMLOVETHEM). THE BASSLINE GOES HARD. I FUCKS WITH IT)

The Loneliest - Måneskin

(THE GUITAR SOLO. ITS SO TRAGIC AND HAUNTING, THE WHOLE SONG. I Honestly think of Autumn and Alastor to it sometimes ((Yes yes, Autumn from A Doe in Fall, yes~ I just KNOW we are about to get hit where it HURTS))

Long Nights - Eddie Vedder

(I LOVE LOVE Into The Wild ((the book and movie)), and... GOSH this song soothes me in a way that is almost INSTANT. I'm talking livid tears and self destruction to catatonic. On my bad days, this song gets me to sleep. It's an Earthy song that reminds me that I'm just a person and to go Touch Grass). Could also be a good Alastor song, too, imo. Him just... Being comfortable with Long Nights, and just getting the chance to be himself when he's alone. Gdshhsjs EVERYTHING IS ALASTOR CODED IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH???

Never Meant to Know - Tally Hally

(for similar reasons as the song before; but also reminds me of one of my D&D characters!)

Danny Don't You Know - Ninja Sex Party

(HIGE dweeb/fan of NSP. This song is also just... Personal for me and wifey. It's a moral booster. Ever since I've been going by my preferred name, it just gets me more in the feels ❤️)

Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in... Hmm. How do I explain this... There's kind of a balance with the world? Equal weights of good and bad. I believe that putting good energy into the world always comes back to you somehow, but also, on that same hand, no matter how hard someone tries, the bad luck has to come back eventually. Life embs and flows, and we can't always have it good... The world just balances things back out sometimes? Ex: For every 3 good things, 3 bad things will happen. It never has to be major or anything, but like... It could be as mundane as 'I found 5 bucks in my pocket!' to 'I spilled coffee on myself'. This isn't related at all to your question FYCK MEgdhdhdhdb

Luck... Yes, luck certainly exists. Some people come by it more honestly. Some people just stumble face first into it. I also believe there are just some people who are so devastatingly unlucky. I always try to work for what I got, but you'll still find me picking up pennies when Heads is facing up. I'm always looking for a lil bit of luck (and avoiding bad luck).

Miracles, well, the fact that Earth and life on Earth exists is a miracle in itself. It's also a miracle we haven't all killed each other yet. So life is fragile, but by golly, we are lucky and fortunate to be here. Space is weird. ❤️

Do you think there is life on other planets?

I would believe it! Small organisms, plants, and similar things for sure... But, in the infinite expanse of our galaxy, there's GOTTA be a handful of idiots like us who don't know what they're doing. Or even better, an alternate reality of here (which would be neat). Hi Alternate Me!

Favorite part of my daily routine

TMI, but taking my fucking bra off. I can't wait for a possible future where I may not have to worry about that. But, aside from that, Robin, who usually makes us dinner. Shes a really good cook, imo ❤️ And, well, it's nice to see her smile when I tell her she's doing a really good job.

What part of my body am I most comfortable with

I think 'eyes' is a cop-out, so I'll go ahead and say my hair. I really do enjoy the way it is rn. It's softer, much curlier and healthier than a few years ago... BUT I definitely want to redye it to a funky color soon, haha. But if I had to say most LIKED, it would definitely be my eyes. Lmao

Probably fair you don't ask the inverse of that question, because you would be SOOOO cross with me, hehe ❤️

--

Expect similar questions asked to you, Pookie Bear 🫡❤️

[mayakrish08]

Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Series

Alright fellas, buckle up for the rant. I can’t believe it’s week 4 already and that we are 5 episodes in. I’m gonna start with the current episode. The story is slowly picking up pace, and BOY I loved this episode. The fact that this episode has the FIRST HUG and the FIRST SEAWEED BRAIN are good reasons for that. Another being the way Annabeth dealt with the situation, and how she admitted that Percy was better than her. It must have taken a lot. It’s been… what, a couple of days, and that guy is tilting her world from its axis. Being a self righteous daughter of Athena, and finding yourself with an impulsive guy like Percy? Ha. The most unlikeliest pair, but let’s not forget their parents, hmm? At least their kids don’t have the emotional range of a teaspoon. And I remember thinking that Percy has made Annabeth cry in a matter of few hours. ANNABETH and CRYING do no go in the same sentence that easily. I also remember thinking that Percy was sooo… Percy! “Where is our ride?” And “You think you know me, but you don’t” and ohh, the ultimate, “It’s… smelly.”

Ares was a douche, but I loved his aesthetic with the black leather jacket and the motorcycle. Felt like he jumped right outta the book.

But but, can we like talk about Grover? Ma Man SLAYED it! IS SLAYING IT actually! The way he dealt with Ares, holy gods!! RESPECT!! He was such a SMOOOOTH CRIMINAL! “Pottu vangardhu,” we say in Tamil. That’s exactly what he did with Ares - getting the information he needed from Ares, but in a way that satisfied Ares’ ego. Ah Grover is such a badass. “So, thank you for the emotional abuse and the cheeseburgers. We will take you up on the ride too.” DAAAAMMNNN DUUUDDEEEE!! Ah I feel in love with him right from the consensus song. {Muttering “Oh Golly, the road’s gettin’ bumpy}

Speaking of, that episode was really good too! I loved how Grover kept deflecting every question, how Percy kept questioning the hierarchy, and how Annabeth was constantly rolling her eyes at Percy, BUT they still didn’t give up on each other, and Grover snapped, and hey! They are finally bordering on the friend zone.

Ah, I wish current Percy and Annabeth could revisit their initial years. Or, I keep thinking, how would House of Hades be, with this cast? *Snort* Ironically, when I think about that, it feels like we are JUST five episodes in. It also makes me feel awed because… We may as well be watching these kids grow up! Like, sure, there will be PLENTY of new characters (Personally, after seeing Hephaestus, I can’t wait for Leo), but Percy and Annabeth are going to be constants, even more so than Grover! So, that means, we will be watching Leah and Walker grow, and we will have a chance of coming back to the first few episodes and coo at how small they are. Gosh, watching the cast interviews now makes me see the difference already!

There is one thing with this series: I keep forgetting the book! It feels like that, certainly! I mean, I don’t remember the Golden Throne thingy, nor did I remember the way Medusa was killed! While the scenes fit the series’ storyline, it is making me doubt my demigod-ness 😭 I also think Gabe is too… decent in this series. He is… MUCH worse in my head. Ugh.

All in all, I think they are doing a good job. At first, I was a bit skeptical, but after watching a certain review of a certain YTber I follow, my perspective changed for the better. Like, she is the perfect Demigod and Witch! Finally, someone I can totally relate to!! Check out her content!

Alright, I am gonna wrap up the rant for now. But I am planning on posting a review every Wednesday, because I NEED PEOPLE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS DAMMIT!!

[bcbdrums]

For the Headcanon ask board, can you do number 3 and 5?

Thanks for the ask and sorry for answering so late!! Uhhhh.... Uhhhh... You gave me tricky ones!

3. Romantic headcanon for fave ship.

Okay so my fave romantic ship is actually SoMa. You probably were hoping for another pair from me though heheh so I'll do two for this one.

I'm realizing that I'm not good at thinking of romantic headcanons for SoMa, because I see them as kids and not getting too romantic till post-canon... So I guess these are more just...intimacies? I like the idea that Soul helps Maka on and off with her boots. Look at those things... They are HEAVY. And I honestly can't tell without going back to look at screenshots but it looks as if the metal? Is an external thing, kind of like the spikes you put on snow boots to walk through ice? It looks like the metal may be its own thing altogether that she wears just for combat's sake. Which...well man, her legs must be strong. But yeah... I feel like Soul helps her on/off with her boots. Which is quite a personal thing. And then Maka, I feel like she does Soul's laundry and specifically hand-washes his head bands for him. Rich boy don't know how to do laundry when he first comes to the academy, fight me... And rather than make fun of him, Maka just...helps. And with the head bands specifically she takes that extra care because they're important to him, to the look he's after. And she never says a word about it, and he probably only shyly and guiltily tells her thanks every other week or so. They don't talk about it. It's just something she does. And then...I like to think he lets her hear him play. Like if he's sitting in his room, writing a new song on his guitar... She creeps up to the door to listen, peering in the crack... He left it open to let her know she's welcome. And she just sits there silently listening to him compose, knowing that in itself is a gift. And he lets his soul be seen in that way, cuz that's so deeply personal.

As for Spirit and Stein, which is who I assume you were really asking about... Shockingly I prefer them platonically, but on the romantic side... And this is all post-canon thoughts for me, for these two, btw.

I think they're actually absurdly gentle with each other, when it comes to physical things. Too much past baggage for both of them individually and together, so they are extremely cautious together and make no assumptions. And if ever things heat up they take a step back and make sure they're both okay. They take things at their pace, neither rushing ahead of the other. Also, Spirit is the one in charge lol. Also I think they spend a lot of quiet time together. Spirit reading some deep book about the history of witch-kind, Stein next to him on the couch studying weapon soul anatomy on his laptop. Till one of them falls asleep against the other, and then oh well trapped forever now guess it's nap time. Just...quiet intimacies like that. They've been together so long that words aren't that necessary; just being together is enough. They already know what the other is thinking. Apparently I'm not creative with romance lol.

5. A crossover related headcanon.

Ho-boy. I don't care for crossovers, lol. But here we go...

Guess I'll pick Kim Possible because it's the thing I have spent the most time in for the last four or five years. (My gosh who let me do that oh it was me oops.)

Mental image of Stein looking at Dr. Drakken, the two sizing each other up, noting each other's similar scars... (my gosh I have a type and that type is mad scientist apparently) and Stein privately thinking to himself... Why is this guy blue? Why's his girlfriend green and have these crazy powers that def aren't soul wavelength? Gotta "befriend" these people and then dissect them.

Meanwhile Dr. Drakken is looking at the screw in Stein's head like, boy you got a screw loose for sure if that's in fact real and how are you still alive? Are you a zombie? Feeling a little scared of him.

Until. Spirit just de-transforms out of Stein's hands and Drakken is like....human weapon??? Okay time to "befriend" these people and figure out how to get my own human weapons.

Basically, mad scientists figuring out how to manipulate the other toward their personal goals.

I'm not creative lol I'm sorry. Crossovers are just not where my thoughts go. Hope it was entertaining enough anyway.

Thanks for the ask!

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

i've actually been tagged/asked to "put 5 songs you actually listen to, then tag 10 people!!" by more than one person :0 and after just the first one i was like 'eeeh i dunno', but now its like gosh i guess people are curious!

i knew it'd be something i'd have to think or be kinda insincerely selective about because even if I make sure not to list any touhou arranges (which is like 60-70% of all music i listen to lately >_>), i'd feel compelled to have a varied enough selection so i dont look like as huge a nerd as i am -_- But i probably won't be able to avoid that even now so whatever!! Here Goes, straight from either my phone, my spotify bookmarks, or youtube favourites 👂

Ghostboy - Robotaki · Claire Ridgely I heard this song once on a tumblr's autoplay like back 2016 and it just immediately captivated me since and has become a semi-regular thing i listen to. A surprising lot of these kind of bubbly low-energy songs i latched onto during that year or around there that i could probably just list five songs exactly like it

In Sympathy - Depeche Mode Not on any blog's autoplay but it was just linked there by chance on a blog i frequented in 2018ish and also latched onto this one... Compared to the one right above, this one has been less of a 'listen to in bed' song and more of a 'listen to on bus trips while staring mindlessly at the streets'. There is a distinction and it is arbitrary which songs feel more suited to which 😌

ELECTRICAL COMMUNICATION - GANASIA its the JP opening of Mega Man 8! 🤓 But i actually heard this song completely without that context first somehow and only found out later where it came from. Also not actually related but i think mm8 is fun and charming even if its apparently something of a black sheep among mega man games? Anyway the song is nice and also fills the exact same spot in my head as like, the first two initial D anime OPs as high energy 90s jpop that makes me nostalgic for a time even though i was a baby then

I FEEL LOVE - YUKIKA (im not yelling but i think full caps is how all these are meant to be spelled) i basically routinely switch between soul lady or feel special when im in the mood to let a whole kpop album play but im listing i feel love because i listened to it and the whole soul lady album just a little while ago as my aching body healed up and it filled me with energy and desire to go out and find joy (This would have been a bad idea because it hurt to move 😌)

and okay, one touhou arrange.

カフカなる群青へ (Into the ultramarine of Kafka) - Yuuhei Satellite even though its from 2012 i actually only first listened to it like last year as i was slowly made my way through this circle's older albums, but it kinda instantly and retroactively became a classic in my head and is prooooobably the wonderful heaven arrange i listen to most often now, competing with a bunch of sound holic/swing holic tracks.

i don't wanna tag anyone but im always kinda curious about what people might be listening to so... do whatever 🤪

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2023 Movie Journey #2: M3GAN

m3gan. absolutely nothing about this movie was what i expected, and i mean that in the best possible way. the trailer made it look bonkers and horrible, and i went to see it in an effort to challenge my horror wimpitude, figuring that if it was bad maybe i’d at least be amused by how bad it was. also, the starring actress was great in get out, and the fact that she was also producing this made me want to like it. 

it was so good though! so good that they’re already planning on making a sequel! which i was both surprised by and genuinely excited about--i’ll definitely see it. but back to my expectations: the trailer made me think i was about to watch a movie in which a tech whiz makes a fancy AI doll for her daughter and then murder ensues. (many spoilers behind the cut.)

and i mean, murder does ensue, but the girl who also stars in m3gan isn’t her daughter, and the movie’s slow initial build up includes a tragic orphaning, a sudden (and terrible at it) new guardianship, a jerk boss and literal work meltdowns, a social worker therapist lady who manages to be the most rational person in the early story and simultaneously the first unsettling threat we feel to the movie’s central duo. 

basically, what i love about this movie is that it stayed with me after i watched it. i just kept thinking about it, and remembering parts of it, and turning over its themes in my head and being really happy it exists. honestly because it’s a horror movie, and i can’t say i generally like a ton of horror movies, but this one isn’t the ‘evil robot kill kill kill’ i was expecting. 

it’s exploring the dangers of extreme technology, sure, but while making it clear how central human error is to that eventuality. and digging into what makes a family, and what we need to feel loved and connected and deal with loss, and what value we get from that connection coming from other people even when it’s hard. 

one of things that fascinated me was that this also wasn’t a story about an innately evil villain--this is a story about a villain literally created by those she’s eventually out to destroy. and it’s the WAY they created her that makes her a villain. gosh there’s so much there. as she evolves throughout the movie and becomes more dangerous, we also get to see her not only become self-aware, but kind of more human, in that she knows she’s not what she was meant to be but she doesn’t know what that makes her instead. 

and while the two main characters are the above-mentioned white woman and girl, the rest of the cast was fun and diverse. i recognized the actor playing her jerk boss and he brought a really great ‘obnoxious but i’m still enjoying him’ energy to his screentime...otherwise i don’t think i knew any of the actors. 

i made good use of my ‘i’m allowed to look away when i need to’ horror movie policy with this one, because literally the first two murders are bad areas for me: animal and elder abuse. i didn’t have trouble when she kills a kid later, despite how bad that sounds, because he was framed sooooo creepily as a predator in the making that i was like ‘yeah. makes sense.’ 

mostly though, i just loved how much this movie was centered on emotions and actual plot and relationships (and relatable work-life balance issues) rather than the gore i was anticipating. it was full of classic horror tropes, but in a way that i liked as a very basic horror viewer--it felt comfy and familiar; idk if bigger horror fans found it unimpressive instead. when the movie’s very last shot was the most predictable thing ever, i realized i was openly grinning at the screen, because instead of being like an eyeroll moment, it felt perfect and earned and like, yeah, this is a horror movie and this is what they do. 

the soundtrack doesn’t distract too much from the movie so i remember it less than i do most things i’ve watched, but the songs they picked for m3gan were terrifying and fantastic. it took me almost 24 hours after seeing the film to make the connection that ‘titanium’ wasn’t just one of the songs she sings because it’s a pop song the kid likes, but she’s literally made of titanium and that’s why she’s so hard to kill later.

two other final notes: the trailer made m3gan look very ‘pretty little liars but make it silly’ and in reality it was a surprisingly serious movie. why are trailers lying to me so much lately? and also, i really enjoyed the role the child played in the conclusion. we got two final girls for the price of one and as m3gan was making it clear that she had unlimited ways to take out our heroine no matter how hard she fought back, it was great that her own earlier skills and her niece’s final choice were really what saved them all. 

[chococats]

muv luv alternative reflect

start date: 2/12/24

end date: 4/14/24

~~~ spoilers 👻 ~~~

first thought on the story: before i even started i was so ready like i told everyone n their mamas abt how i was going to start this epic 😐. i was expecting A LOT bc not only is it regarded so highly by vn fans but also bc it left me with a slew of questions from the first game.. likee what was the relation of kasumi and sumika? was takeru going to fr survive this n if he DID is he going to go back to his original world? WHAT made him shift into this fucket up world in the first place? WHAT exactly are the BETA and why are they doing thissss😭😭 AND! IS takeru destined to suffer forever? Why?!

But now that ive finished it all.. wtf 😭 its honestly genius. a narrative that uses its medium and genre in the fullest sense!!! despite some of its outdatedness + my frustration with the protag the STORY TELLING is what kept me going. from the themes to the characters to the world building it was all so well done 😭 and its done in a way where it is satisfying to follow especially if you like to puzzle n piece things together. what interested me the most tho was the world building!! AND HOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE.. the game took all of the cliches and mechanics it represented as a dating sim n flipped them all in its favor to tell a crazy epic cohesive multi dimensional scifi tale.. WTF.

as a novel and a game it did its job beautifully.. AND even tho SOME arcs PISSED ME OFF n SOME scenes left me scowling at what i was dealing with (bc My god,! You will deal with the shit!) i kept coming back with genuine intrigue humm

my first initial thought once i was done was 'that was a LOT' bc My goodness what a fckin rollercoaster.. ONE that seemed to only plummet DOWN. As for my second thought..? 'at least we overcame.' and u know what. So true. To this i say Congratulations âge. I was unfamiliar with ur game.

prediction of the end: i honestly did not know what to expect for the end i just wanted my questions answered LOL! but when i got there it left me feeling both hollow and full.. it was heartbreaking..! BUT also cathartic?! cuz i cried like a bitch. bc. My gosh 😭😭😭😭😭😭 its some serious whiplash stored in those last 2ish hours in the game. it was worth seeing all of it tie together tho bc in the end it left u with a glimmer of hope for the future.. even though it is so so dim, its still there.. which was the kind of ending i need during these times

PLUS they played this song at the end like why would u do that. shit had me bawling fr. we used to be so happy hearing this. now it is a bit bittersweet and nostalgic.. like a memory

what scared you most: the capabilities of the BETA most definitely r u kidding me. every single battle seemed more n more hopeless 😭 every step that was taken to help humanity had high stakes. there was no way anything was going to be done without irreparable damage n loss. it constantly felt like a losing battle watching humanity try to survive and still have the heart to fight. but what TRULY disturbed me was sumikas relationship with the BETA and how they decided to tackle it. THAT shit had me pause the game for a hot min bcuz seriously? HONESTLY? it was overkill. beating a dead horse😭 they did not have to show me all of that N whats worse is that they HAD to drag it out. LIKE WE GET IT. WE GOT IT BEFORE IT WAS EVEN FULLY REVEALED WITH CONTEXT CLUES.. U did not have to dedicate a whole 30/45 mins revisiting her trauma in such detail 😭😭😭 so unnecessary my god.

even though the BETA are (by far) one of the most terrifying enemies that ive encountered in a story i want to know more about them.. the ending of alternative mightve answered most of my questions but it also left me having more bc its interesting on how the BETA operate. but there is also like an infinite amount of them i dont even know how anyon could keep up with that.. truly humanity has it BAD.

favorite character(s): meiya = sumika > kasumi = yuuko > ayamine >>>> the rest of the queens in the valkyrie squad (including marimo. excluding kashiwagi) >> tsukoyomi > takeru >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> kashiwagi.

i straight up i do not like kashiwagi LMFAOOO like i do not like her yall..

anyone else not listed i just didnt gaf..

meiya and kasumi rlly shined in alternative for me tho <3

of course so did sumika but thats bcuz i was always biased towards her LOL. however she didnt leave a huge impression on me in this story when it came to the romance between her n takeru which is crazy bc in extra i was full #teamsumika. cuz takeru n sumika been living side by side since childhood n now this random girl (meiya) shows up n she doesnt even explain her relation to takeru but she declared that shes going to marry him like fr who are u?! BUT! even tho i was team sumika, in the end (when truths were fully revealed), my feelings were a bit swayed towards meiyas favor!

its interesting bc in alternative it was like meiya n sumika switched places bc i was more partial to wanting meiya to be with takeru for the majority of the story (!) which is so funny considering how ride n die i was for sumika at the very beginning.. of course id rather have takeru have no baes at all bcuz his character is just so inconceivably dense at times (#TakeruOUT) but i felt that their relationship had more sustenance.. i believe its because meiya and sumika flipped roles where sumika is now the random 'newcomer' instead of meiya. n also bc i spent more time with meiya in unlimited.. BUT just like how i was with meiya in extra, in alternative when truths were once again revealed at the end my feelings were swayed towards sumikas favor LMFAOO

its just tht they are both so well written and humane and so so sweet and deserving. i really love them both therefore i have decided that there is no more #TEAMSUMIKA or #TEAMMEIYA anymore. ive ended the civil war. they are both equally beautiful and i want them to be best friends forever!

AS for the protagonist. Takeru. my god man 😭 talk about change. he STILL was so ridiculous at times but even then he STILL managed to mature. proof that anythings possible. I guess. And after spending over like 60 smthing hours with him n experiencing his crazy ass situation i have been able to witness and appreciate his growth ... U know what takeru. U alright............................... I guess

favorite quote: I dont even know if i have a favorite quote there was so much covered and so many great quotes in this.. if i HAD to pick tho its probably this awesome reminder:

instead of memorizing quotes im thinking of moments.. like when kasumi and sumika speak about their connection.. or when captain isumi gave takeru that pep talk before operation 21st.. OR WHEN sumika told takeru that in every universe she loves him and him saying that he feels likewise.. kyaa.. and u KNOW they MEANT THAT SHIT THRU AND THRU! its beautiful. im still praying for her tho.

rating for the whole book: despite all that it put me through this story left me a lot of food for thought. some moments moved me in ways so honest that it left me speechless while also giving me questions in its wake.. it took me a while to finish bc it had me stop n think about life and CHOICE multiple times in the realest sense omfg. it had me think of the serious unruliness of life n how do we navigate it when the universe decides to do whatverr the fuck it wants to do.. how much of our fate can we really control... AND when all seems hopeless how do we manage to find the will to continue on.. !? it all varies from person to person but ist deep shit. Very inspiring.. AND bc of how satisfying n thought provoking it was im giving it a 5/5. OKAYY

i def plan on revisiting the trilogy in the future and see if my first thoughts still ring true.. i also will be on the look out for details and hints when i comb thru it all again. but this first read was worth it and now that i finished i kinda feel empty LMFAO. i wish for more people to read it n talk about it so i can get on my soapbox n pick it apart. 🤦‍♂️

⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑

[gatzbright]

4, 7, 54 🫶🫶🫶

hi sappy! ♥️ 4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

they honestly just come out of nowhere like i feel like its different every time! i'll be experiencing a Moment irl and then be like OH this could work as a fic somehow and then the plot (or no plot had the time it's just Fic) will just snowball in and i know what i wanna write. or i'm listening to a song and the lyrics hit me and a fic forms. a lot of the time too i feel like ideas just drop into my head from absolutely nowhere, and it feels the same way when writing. words are magical in that way ya know. i love it :)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

for me it depends on the context of the fic, because almost every time i will know straight away who's pov the story has to come from—like it just makes sense. for example 'invisible smoke' my archer fic just felt like it HAD to come from dream's pov bc it was centred around the hardships he faces almost daily being so in the public eye, and i wanted to delve into his inner world during all that (god it's painful ... april is the cruelest month). and then other fics like 'corduroy' felt straight away like a george pov bc he's watching dream's experience at twitchcon for the first time from the outside, and gosh it was months ago now but i think i wanted to write dream getting comforted, and us all getting to read that comfort too because we knew he would've been so anxious. and i think it also depends on who i feel like i can relate to more in the situation, like 'homesick' was me heavily projecting onto george bc i'd just moved across the world a few months prior and was .. struggling to say the least lmao. but i then began wondering what george would feel when he moved bc it's very conflicting emotions to experience when you know you're in the place you've been longing to be for ages yet ur heart is aching for home—but maybe more so memories, and a time u can't go back to. phew. yeah!

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

ohmygod i love it all so much where do i start ... starts sobbing. fanfiction is such a unique thing to experience, both in reading and writing it, and i could talk about it for an eternity. i love being able to hyperfixate on one specific universe and group of people, a main ship that is predominately always a soulmates kinda love, and then just getting to exist in this world and community with so many other people who adore the same things, write the same things, and read it all as well; it's just so damn fun—which is something all of us understand i know lol. you can disappear into the community whenever you want bc it's always there for you—and the friends you make along the way are too! fics are an easier way to write as well, less pressure (when i'm not too in my head) on the story and its weight since the both the writer and reader already know all the context for the world the characters (or in our case real people ofc) live in, and it just makes it so much easier to write a little or a longer fic and already have that all established. and us writers get to write so much, get lots of practice, and just enjoy it (most of the time lmao), and we also get to hear feedback and just give out lil bits of joy with each fic we write. i think that's one of the most lovely things; hearing that your words made someones day and made them smile. comments are the most beautiful thing and i am grateful for every single one i've gotten (please leave comments on the fics you love bc it makes the author's day!). gosh i love creating. life can be very lovely at times like these :)

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

Light From Uncommon Stars, February

What a blistering and bizarre concept.

I feel like (and I'm speaking of my personal opinions from my time as an editrix, your mileage may vary) a lot of authors today either make the mistake of brewing too long or gunning too fast without regard to the nature of their text. In this case the pace is rapid. It has to be, we start with three disparate elements, not linking them together quickly is only going to beget boredom. From this first month we instantly know where Katrina Nguyen, Shizuka Satomi, and Lan Tran stand in life, and then how they will relate to one another going forward. Their first tenuous threads of acquaintance.

Gosh, where do I even begin? This book is... so very like a song I heard once, in my head. Overly poetic considering this is a story about music, but I think it's the most apt. It has this strong core that concerns itself only with being its best self rather than try to fit into the hottest-selling niches or formulaic fantasy structures currently in vogue. And I really do love it for that already.

I'm uh, probably gushing too much. Let's get down more into the characters, how I feel about them so far.

Katrina is the very definition of a cinnamon roll, the poor girl. Her story is unfortunately common among queer youth. To be essentially disowned by family, to find out in the worst ways your support network is not as firm as you thought. Evan, in these chapters, is every bit the portrait of... this absolute scumbag. He takes and has nothing to say unless it's with a parrot's tongue. Or a racist one. The type born from a lazy sort of ignorance. I have known more than one Evan in my lifetime, and I see the reflections of them here, in more vibrant color.

The real kicker is how entitled he feels to everything. Katrina's money, her violin, even her body. I find it telling, in a way, that the last straw for Katrina isn't the violation of her body, but of her beloved violin. As though it deserves better treatment then she herself does. The wounds within Katrina's psyche are far and away more torturous than bruised face and broken rib, even though they all come from the same essential source.

Shizuka has her work cut out for her.

Y'know there's really something to Shizuka's dawdling on her contract that I understand. She was given majestic violin skills, but must send seven souls to Hell. The real, actual Hell. The first six were all easy enough but now she wants something better. I just... get it. It reeks of the artist who's gotten paid well in the past but this time wants to express. Is it weird to see sending souls to Hell as a form of art? No, I don't think so. Writers do that to their favorite blorbos every day. This larger-than-life Queen of Hell is just actually doing it. I imagine another part is because she wants to know if anyone else can hear what she hears. The other side, away from the frustrated author view, is one where I can see a Shizuka Satomi who doesn't care about living on Earth if no one will ever understand what she has to say. Hence, Katrina. Katrina has to be it.

I do adore these scenes of going to the violin shops. Spending so much on a "cheap" violin because it's not right to just discard the thing Katrina values most in life. It has to be repaired, it's where some of her esteem, a piece of her soul lies. And the complete geeking out about bits and bobs of violins is just incredible. I love to hear people gush on and have the most heated opinions over the tiniest details on things. The passion of it is very forward and very, very fun for me. Not to mention "You're a bit of a diva, aren't you?" Has now entered my daily lexicon whenever any of my friends voices their preferences about anything. Thank you, Miss Aoki.

Then that leaves us with Lan Tran, the current proprietor of Starrgate Donut. We have dealt with a tragically down-to-Earth story about a runaway, trangender girl. A woman with her hands in Hell, and now an otherworldly story about an alien mom of 4. Also gaaaaaaaaaaay. At least insofar as our limited human bodies assign such epithets to otherworlders. It is very cute how Lan's kids notice right away that their mother is very much interested in Shizuka. I do like that we didn't tippy-toe around the realization between the two that Lan is an alien. I feel refreshed by it, there are far more interesting conversations that they can be having than playing the sitcom game.

It's not lost on my either that Lan's story is very much one of a refugee. Her and the found family around her. I think I'll take a moment to say that the fact that she has her donuts digitally replicated somewhat puts her at odds with a musician like Shizuka from the start. For her this donut shop is a means of survival, first and formost. Her perfect donuts aren't a strive towards her own expression but the standard she must always uphold to stay afloat. I wonder if this will unfold later as an ongoing theme. For now we're left with a PTSD she won't yet face up to, but cannot run away from. I'm looking forward to more of her starry story, and what she could have been running from. Something terrible enough to make even the most unlikely group stick together.

For now, though, we end with Katrina picking a violin to practice with. The innocent sort of picking where she knows no brands or makers, all she has to go on is a sound she's looking for. And the one she feels safest with is...

Shizuka's first violin. Something to be said here for sure about how both these artists have the same start.

[lee-minhoe]

Hi!!! Omg its been a minute, my weekends are so busy I can never get time just sit down and type these out im sorry Mel. But omg yesss that video of Minho showing Jeongin the dance is one of my absolute favorite videos! Especially because it really shows how soft he is for Jeongin, even when he’s not getting something or messing up Minho is endlessly patient but also teases him about it.

I totally get trying to like just one group, especially when they have so many members. Every group I liked when I first got into Kpop I was like ok its JUST going to be this one… these two…. Just these three and now I think my wrapped said I listened to like 200 Kpop groups this year lmao. All your groups are suchhh good choices I stan most of them too! I think p1h is the only one I haven’t really listed to  yet, mostly cause they debuted at the beginning of the huge jump in groups debuting that’s happened over the last few years, and I find them all so overwhelming. But omg I love flying, I really feel like they don’t get talked about enough when it comes to really good bands, hun is my Bias and they’re just a really silly group, I’m sure u’ll love them when u learn their names! Ok I listened to those nine.i songs and consider me sold omg?! Crazy that I’ve literally never heard of them before, like not even in passing, but I thank you for sharing because im hooked now haha. I totally get you on the gg thing, I like a few ggs a lot but I never ned up really following their regular content for some reason, and most I can only name a member or two just because I don’t get the consistency of seeing their faces all the time like with the bgs I stan. 

Ok what are some of your favorite colors or aesthetics? Also are there any looks/eras for Minho that are your favorites? (so I can start working on your present 🤭)

-🍒

omg i read your first sentence "it's been a minute" and idk if you're an nct fan but i immediately thought of mark's rap in misfit hahaha vampire mark my beloved

no worries about the later reply, i hope you are doing well <3 and yes one of my fav things about lino is how you can see he changes the way he acts based on who he's with, like he is savage with seungmin but so soft with lix 🥺 (and jeongin too)

omg 200 groups on your spotify wrapped??? wow HAHAHA i love that <3 i remember when i first got into kpop in 2020 and my wrapped started saying that kpop was my top genre of the year and i was like oh no haha but now im like whatever i fully embrace it, 90% of my listening is kpop (maybe higher if you also count like krnb/k-indie and stuff lol). it's part of my personality now 😂 what was your top artist? and yes n.flying's music is so good!! i love the kbands :)) when i learn their names i will let you know who becomes my bias LOL. why is hun your bias hehe

YEAH THE NINE.I SONGS ARE SO GOOD i love the rock sound (?) in the songs, and the boys are such cuties too. they debuted earlier this year so it makes sense not a lot of people have heard of them yet (i only found them because i was listening to this k-rock playlist on spotify hahaha), but i think they have potential if they keep going in this direction ^^ i'm looking forward to seeing where they go

my top favorite color is blue 💙 i also love pastel colors in general!! oh and favorite minho looks/eras.......gosh where do i start hahaha 😂 hmmmmm well i really like the thunderous and maniac eras for lino!! let me list some of my favs (this might get long lol)

this thunderous outfit

this thunderous outfit 2

lino was so hot here lol

gods menu

literally any of the all in outfits

any of the maniac outfits LOL

in general i love when he wears a button down shirt and or suit lmaoo and when he has a bw cap on 🥴 or when he smiles hes just the cutest 🥺 honestly anything lino related and i will melt, i am very easy to please hahahaha

[snarky-wallflower]

Thanks for tagging me, @lilacthebooklover!

Name(s): Snarky, Wallflower, etc. I chose this name when I was 12 and am too attached to get rid of it now.

Pronouns: She/Her.

Star sign: Aquarius. I like the idea of zodiacs, but can never keep track of all the rest of them, lol.

# of siblings & fun facts about them (if you have any): I’ve got two siblings! Don’t really want to share much about either of them, because Internet safety, and all that. But they’re both pretty impressive at the things they like.

# of pets & their names: no pets, sadly.

Fandoms: the ones I’m most into right now are Hatchetfield, Deltarune/Undertale, Night in the Woods, and Iron Widow. Old favourites include Gravity Falls, and Percy Jackson. And I’ve never read a comic, but I really love the Batfam fandom.

Favorite color: Deep purple.

Favorite song: I…cannot pick just one. But as of today, the song I have on repeat is Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy. Or To Noise Making (Sing) by Hozier.

Favorite author (of anything readable-- books, fanfics, zines, webtoons, whatever!): oh, no, this is hard. For books…I’d have to say Casey McQuinston - my favourite by them has to be One Last Stop, which gets to explore queerness in the past and present so well, with time travel and me heavily relating to August; and Xiran Jay Zhao, whose book has a main character who gets to value revenge and dismantle the patriarchy of her world through force, with two main love interests that I adore; TJ Klune, who writes hilarious main characters and dialogue, and whose exploring of death and grief made me want to cry. For fanfic…envysparkler. I’ve stayed up late so many nights reading their DC works. Also, NoelleHolidayStanAccount, for her great exploration of the characters in Deltarune and amazing plot lines, acaciapines who never fails to make me feel like my heart is being ripped out (and who has a Owl House daemon au coming out soon!), and LilacTheBookLover and AmethystUnarmed for great Hatchetfield fic! Also…gosh, this is long, but I gotta mention fencecollapsed, who was the first person who got me reading Hatchetfield fic, with his great stories. Literally screamed out loud when they commented on my work.

Hobbies: reading, writing, sometimes playing video games, baking, and singing.

Favorite fic type: I love writing angst, but I also usually gravitate the quiet fluffy things for a breather from writing, or character studies.

Favorite holiday: Halloween! I get to cosplay and no one can make fun of me for it. Except my family, when I pick a very obscure costume (I went as Orpheus Hadestown for two years straight.) Christmas is a very close second, though.

Do you have any partner(s)? (romantic, qpp, anything!): I do not! Maybe someday, but it’s not something I’m very interested in right now.

Fun facts about you / anything extra you wanna share!: When I was in second grade, I cut my leg down to the patellar tendon, and I still have a scar! I think it looks like a battle scar. And I have a Holloweane fic coming out in March that is nearly 12k…and it isn’t even finished its first draft yet!

ignore the tags if you want! @amethystunarmed @littlesilentrebel @marvelmaniac715 @sherbetflowers @jufebox-theghost, @samscorch, @acaciapines

I got bored so here's a little get-to-know-you tag game I think could be fun :3

Name(s)

Pronouns

Star sign

# of siblings & fun facts about them (if you have any)

# of pets & their names

Fandoms

Favorite color

Favorite song

Favorite author (of anything readable-- books, fanfics, zines, webtoons, whatever!)

Hobbies

Favorite fic type

Favorite holiday

Do you have any partner(s)? (romantic, qpp, anything!)

Fun facts about you / anything extra you wanna share!

────────

Name(s): Loki (highly preferred), Elye

Pronouns : they/them mostly, he/she okay too

Star sign: Pisces

# of siblings: I've got 2! An older sister and a younger sibling. The fun fact about them is that they're also both queer; in fact, my mom is too. The only non-queer person in my immediate family is my dad.

# of pets: 4 cats! Phoebe & Frankie are our girls, Lenny and Murray are our boys :3

Fandoms: MCU (kind of), BSD, OFMD, Ranboo (does his fanbase count as a fandom?)

Fav. color: Don't have one

Fav. song: Aurora Borealis by Lemon Demon

Fav. author: Alice Oseman

Hobbies: singing, acting, drawing, writing, procrastinating

Fav. fic type: Fluff, definitely. I am a sucker for well written coffee-shop and flower-shop aus, too. Smut's fine, but only if it's romantic. I can't do angst if there's no comfort.

Fav. Holiday: Hanukkah or Halloween! I love autumn and winter

Partners?: Yes! I have a girlfriend (queerplatonic) who I love very much, and a boyfriend (romantic) who I love very much :]

Fun facts:

- Even though I'm a cat person, I really, really want a dog.

- I actually used to play sports. Because I don't do gendered leagues anymore, I don't play, but I've been looking for mixed/gender-neutral/queer sports teams. Baseball and basketball specifically!

- I started questioning my identity in 2019; I'm no closer to finding a label now than I was then. The difference is, now I don't want a label. I just am. :]

tags: @neonganymede @cha0ticlesbian @x-chiara @exceleo @brinnybee @autistic-katara @gandalfthemorallygrey @ohboyanotherlokiblog @roachandrenfri @ourflagmeanslokius @exceleo @edettethegreat @swiftlyspidey

[stovepiperat]

terror camp ‘22 day 1: an informal reclist

HOW A-FUCKING-BOUT that CAMP huh guys!! Good shit!! Anyway, here’s two (variably) related recs (that weren’t previously mentioned in the server, to the best of my knowledge!) for every TC22 panel. Just because. 

Please click through to AO3 to see full individual taglists, warnings etc. Other half of this post is in progress. Also, you may have noticed that the descriptions get a little bare-bones as the post goes on. This is because I am slapdash and sleepy. Sorry. But please let me know if I need to fix anything, as always!

(Get in contact with the mods at terror.camp to get access to recordings and Discord!!) 

‘There Will Be Poems’: Franklin, The Terror and the Noble Failure Narrative

Principles of Magnetism (a Comedy of Manners) by acaramelmacchiato (Fitzier, 21k)

Less horrific consequences than in canon, but this IS a noble failure narrative, one which, fittingly enough, pivots nimbly around a pastiche of Britishness and features the futility of attempting to reason with Sir John Franklin.

the waiting room by Ias (Fitzier, 10k) 

Maybe the real noble failure narrative was the delirious, calcifying regrets that haunted us along the way. I think there are deeper reasons this fic relates to the theme, but it would be a disservice to its understated angst for me to try and drag it all out and dissect it here.

Imperial Apparitions: Victorian Periodicals and the Search for Franklin (1848-1860)

My Name Is John Franklin And I Like To Fuuuuuuuuuck by Charlotte_Stant (Lady Jane, 1k)

I know the title is... but it’s a Lady Jane character study! I promise! Gosh, speaking of things I love about Terror fandom, EXEfest is so neat.

Three Winters, Four Springs by halotolerant (Fitzier, 50k)

“Han,” I hear you say, “I love psychic wolf sex, but what does it have to do with contemporary British imperialist propaganda takes on the lost Franklin expedition?” Well, that’s a fair question, but there’s some really fascinating worldbuilding specifically relating to the gaps between the filthy, miserable, selfish-surviving reality of expedition life and the memoirs that make mint on it.

Always Simple & Sincere: Protestant Doctrine & Difference In The Franklin Expedition

Like Unto a Man by disenchanted (Hickey/Crozier, 6k)

Crozier has weird psychic powers like in the book, but good. This fic is basically just him lying there and unwillingly astral projecting into Hickey’s sex memories but he is very Protestant about it, somehow.

old habits die hard by MOUSE9000 (Terror lieutenants, 5k) I don’t really want to explain how EXACTLY the modern AU vampire roommates and their ambiguous relationships are kinda Protestant with it, but they are.

The C, the C, the open C: Classics and The Terror

A More Appropriate Hole by chatterleysghostwriter (Hodgson/Dundy, 6k)

Hodglove, Catullus, having an ever-so-slightly anachronistic depressionwank. What more could you need?

Ex Illustri Vagantium Ordine by annecoulmanross (Fitzier, 3k)

Meta-classicism with a touch of everyone’s favorite (Latin footnotes.)

(I’m going to level with you guys 100%: I feel like probably most heavily classics-referencing fics in the fandom are Bridglar, which I don’t really read (just not my thing) and as such that’s just, like. A gap in my knowledge. Sorry, Bridglar, I don’t want to erase you from this narrative! If you want to add your own rec in reblogs, feel free.)

and sang no more: The Fictional and Historical Impact of Traditional Music in The Terror

all seasons, at all hours, and in all places by Gwerfel (3k, Hickey/Tozer) “Rat Catcher’s Daughter” song played for horror. Spooky and crawling.

A delightful God-fearing man by Lilliburlero (3k, Gibson/Irving)

Irving seeks out a songbook, in a delightful romp which also happens to be very well-cited.

Poetic afterlives of the Franklin Expedition

Something different for this one—let’s have a little fanpoetry!

Northwest Passages by kitsuneartemis

Spoon River Anthology, but make it The Terror.

An Arctic Sonnet by hangingfire

Sonnet 130, but make it Fitzier.

[thatkpopwriter]

Anomalous Fate: The Beginning

Hello ! :) First part of Anomalous Fate is here, and i really hope you enjoy this chapter. If you have any questions regarding the series or any of my others, feel free to ask away :)

Warnings: None

From the moment we are born, our fate is decided, and we are given ties that connect us to our soulmate. There are many different types of ties, and sometimes a single person will be given multiple, which is the case for Y/N.

When she was born, Y/N had the tie where a song title was written on her right wrist that would be playing when she meets her soulmate, and the red string tie that only she was able to see, tied right on her left pinky, she was also given a necklace, which by the looks of it, was a half of a compass, when she turned it around, it read, ‘no matter where-‘ and then it cut off, and finally, on her left wrist, the soulmate clock that tells you what time it is where your soulmate is, and her parents didn’t know what to think when her time read out, ‘9:46:31 PM KST,’

Unbeknownst to her, she had three more ties that determined her fate.

During her childhood, she had a couple friends who had multiple ties as well, she was happy that she wasn’t the only one who had multiple, and she bonded significantly with them as they could relate on more levels than with her other friends who only had one.

As she grew older, she was beginning to understand what her ties meant, and she caught herself staring at the clock on her left wrist, after learning the clock was in Korean Standard Time. She had never been to Korea before, and she was yet to find out if they came from North or South Korea. She also discovered another tie, and it was whatever hair colour her soulmate dyed theirs, she would have. And gosh do they ever change it up. Her hair is naturally brown, but one day she woke up with black hair, she panicked and did a quick google, calming once she learned its origin.

When she turned 15, she would start to wake with a new hair colour as the year progressed, nothing too crazy, just brown, black, red, back to black, and then back to brown. She thought maybe her soulmate was a bit indecisive.

When Y/N turned eighteen, and was soon to be graduating high school, her parents had gotten her a laptop as a gift, and she found herself in the classroom at school when her friends were out for lunch break, researching about the countries, and how they’re ties worked as well. She learned that she wouldn’t be able to see her soulmate’s red string until they meet in person, and that made her huff at how much ties she was given when she knew about her soulmate already.

She also woke up with newer hair colours, on the day of her birthday, it was orange, and after demanding her mom go to the store for her and coming back with the only colour left in the store, she dyed it purple the same day, however, she wasn’t really an expert so it turned out looking more pink, after that day, her hair was back to the usual three; brown, red, black.

While researching she noticed that the first thing to pop up when searching for Korea was KPOP, or more specifically, a group called BTS, and she felt a certain pull toward them that she couldn’t pinpoint. Now, like most ARMY, she only wanted to learn their names, but quickly became a little more obsessed as time went on, and soon she was always streaming their music, watching their interviews, and learning their choreo.

Y/N was 22 now, living in her apartment with her two childhood best friends who were also ARMY, attending school, and still without her soulmate. Her two best friends had met theirs, one of them, Kristie, had met hers 2 years ago while in a class, they’ve been together ever since. Her other best friend, Jasmine, had just recently met her soulmate in a coffee shop, talk about a meet cute, so Y/N was the only one left, yet she was beginning to think she wouldn’t be able to meet her soulmate at all, seeing as they lived all the way across the world.

Although she didn’t glance at the clock on her wrist as much now, she did find it pretty cool that her soulmate was from Korea, and seemed to like BTS as well, considering the song that was written on her right wrist was the song, ‘Fire,’ she didn’t know why the universe chose that song and not a romantic song, it would have been so cute if her soulmate and her had met while listening to ‘Euphoria,’ but I mean, who was she to complain? Her soulmate was an ARMY, so at least they would have something to talk about when they finally meet, if they ever meet.

With all the ties she had been given, it never once crossed her mind that it could have been with different people, because while it’s common to have more than one tie, it’s considered very rare to have more than one romantic soulmate, and although she was a fan of BTS, she never compared the ties with them at all, because c’mon, they’re the biggest boyband in the world, there’s no way she was any of their soulmates.

Bangtan on the other hand, managed to hide their ties. They kind of had to, being in the limelight. Each member had two ties, one that connected them to each other, and the other who connected them to their lover.

Kim Seokjin was given the necklace tie, he used to wear it a lot before he was an idol, but after debuting, he began to keep it hidden in his bag, not wanting anyone to falsely replicate it and ruin his chances of finding his soulmate.

Min Yoongi was given the song tie, and he let out a deep sigh when he realized it was the same title as their very own song. He has the makeup artists cover it with makeup before they do press or performance. Over time, he finds himself tracing it, wondering if his soulmate is a fan or not, or if they even heard of the song before.

Jung Hoseok didn’t know of his tie until much later in his life. For a new concept, he decided to go orange, which in a way, matched the music video a lot, but after a few hours, he noticed it changed to a washed-out purple colour, to which he learned he had the hair colour tie. He was just glad the music video was already done shooting.

Kim Namjoon didn’t know at all what tie he had, he tried to figure it out, but nothing really happened. He was confused and often thought maybe he wasn’t given another soulmate, but with time he came to accept that the boys were all he needed, and it was best if he stays focussed on his career anyway, still, he couldn’t help but to wish upon every shooting star, that it grants him his wish of having a soulmate. Perhaps he should try drawing on his skin sometime...

Park Jimin was given the red string tie and he liked that he was the only one who could see it. Once he debuted, he found himself glancing at a lot of people’s pinkies, hoping to see one day his connected.

Kim Taehyung on the other hand, had the clock tie. He stared at it fondly while thinking about what his soulmate might have been doing at that exact time, maybe she was in school, or at home, maybe she worked? He looked down at it and it read 6:34 PM PST. He wore a lot of long sleeves to help hide his clock, but even if he didn’t, there’s no way someone would be able to replicate it in anyway, so he considered himself lucky.

Jeon Jungkook was more of the same as Namjoon, he didn’t know what his tie was, and he left it at that. He wanted one, but he had his hyungs with him, and they filled the hole that his lack of soulmate left him.

BTS had a lot of conversation regarding their soulmates, and they admitted a few times that they weren’t sure what to do if they ever met their soulmate, or if their soulmate would even like them. They had a lot of fears, scared to find someone who wasn’t their soulmate, to pretend they were. Or maybe never finding them because of what they do for a living. The other boys would reassure Namjoon and Jungkook, telling them that they had to have a mark, they just need to wait for it to develop.

As the years went on, and once their new hit Dynamite took off, they became too busy to think or talk about it, and soon the year went by fast and they released a new hit, Butter. It was Kristie and Jasmine who tried to convince Y/N that her soulmate could have been one of the BTS members, preferably J-Hope, as they always had the same hair colour, especially when the Butter video released, and Y/N’s hair was blonde during the same time they would have been working on it.

That was pretty much the only proof they had, and when the tannies released another hit, Permission to Dance, Y/N decided to dye her hair platinum blonde, and the girls were shocked when J-Hope came up in the Permission to Dance video, sporting the exact same hair colour.

Y/N had never really given it much thought before, and she felt silly sitting in front of the mirror, watching as Kristie put pink hair dye in her hair. A part of her liked the idea of J-Hope potentially being her soulmate, but another part of her felt indifferent. If he was, what did that mean for them? Would he even like her? Would he risk his career just to be with her? What if he didn’t even like the idea of a soulmate?

As the UN rolled around the next few days, Y/N’s hair was still pink, and it still came as a surprise when J-Hope’s hair matched hers, Jasmine also noticed Y/N’s clock changed as well, switching over to 11:23 AM EST, which just so happened to be New York’s exact time.

She tried to her best to shake the thoughts, not wanting to seem delulu, but to was hard not to confirm her suspicions with the amount of proof she had. Especially after it was announced that BTS would be doing the Permission to Dance: On Stage, in Los Angeles, she felt a certain pull toward the concert, and after finding out each tickets price, she immediately bought three online, texting her friends the great news.

All three girls jumped around in excitement, blasting Permission to Dance, and making plans for their concert. They would wake up early and take the day to make sure everything was perfect including their outfits, army bombs, money, gas, and food. The concert was at the YouTube theatre, three weeks from then, and the girls already couldn’t wait.

After much deliberation, it was settled that the day before the concert, Y/N would dye her hair black with two blue streaks on the underside of both her ears, it was a unique style, and that way they would see if J-Hope really is the one. She admitted that while she was curious to find out, she was still super excited to see her favourite band in person for the first time, from being twitter she has heard how great of an experience it is and just the thought alone made her squeal.

Y/N lived away from home, and has a younger sister, who lives with her parents in Florida. She met Kristie and Jasmine when they were all eight years old, and they had promised each other that they would always be in each other’s lives, even attending the same university. Each of the girls had many different aspirations, as well as different hobbies, something they did agree on however, was their love for the bangtan boys.

And most times, it was easy to forget about her ties, as she diverted her attention to her studies most of the time, she had two years to go before graduation, however Y/N considered continuing her education and getting her masters, but that was a decision she would make in time, and she often feels optimistic about her future. Although, no matter how bright the future looked for Y/N and her two friends, she was still upset about having to possibly one day live without them. After graduation, Kristie is moving to Chicago, and Jasmine hopes she will be taking internships back in her hometown of Washington. It would be a challenge for all three, having never lived alone before, now without each other in the picture, but again, it was something they should chat about in the future.

As Y/N lays in bed, she watches the clock on her wrist, it reads 4:56 PM KST, and she finds herself wondering if he’s at practice, or in his studio. Her phone dings, and she picks it up, nearly giving herself whiplash from how fast she sits up.

J-hope⭐ created a new post!

She’s never clicked faster in her life and when the photo loaded, she smiled to herself, seeing his hair was still pink but it slowly disappeared when she read the rough translations, ‘hm, concert hair? Blondie? Red? Surprises! :),’ It didn’t take a rocket scientist to put together that he was going to dye his hair for the concert, and she debated on actually dyeing her hair and possibly upsetting him, but after thinking about it, she smiled.

He did say it was going to be a surprise for ARMY, maybe now it will even be a surprise for him.

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! Feel free not to answer this question if it is in any way too much, but I've been wondering about something concerning the "western" mdzs fandom. Lately, i have seen multiple pieces of fanart that use what is clearly Christian symbolism and sometimes downright iconography in depicting the characters. I'm a european fan, but it still makes me vaguely uneasy. I know that these things are rarely easy to judge. I'm definitely not qualified to do so and was wondering if you have an opinion

Hi there! thank you for your patience and for the interesting question! I’ve been thinking about this since i received this ask because it?? idk, it’s difficult to answer, but it also touches on a a few things that I find really interesting.

the short answer: it’s complicated, and I also don’t know what I feel!

the longer answer:

i think that this question is particularly difficult to answer because of how deeply christianity is tied to the western art and literary canon. so much of what is considered great european art is christian art! If you just take a quick glance at wiki’s page on european art, you can see how inextricable christianity is, and how integral christian iconography has been in the history of european art. If you study western art history, you must study christian imagery and christian canon because it’s just impossible to engage with a lot of the work in a meaningful way without it. that’s just the reality of it.

Christianity, of course, also has a strong presence in european colonial and imperialist history and has been used as a tool of oppression against many peoples and nations, including China. I would be lying if I said I had a good relationship with Christianity--I have always faced it with a deep suspicion because I think it did some very, very real damage, not just to chinese people, but to many cultures and peoples around the world, and that’s not a trauma that can be easily brushed aside or reconciled with.

here is what is also true: my maternal grandmother was devoutly christian. my aunt is devoutly christian. my uncle’s family is devoutly christian. my favorite cousin is devoutly christian. when I attended my cousin’s wedding, he had both a traditional chinese ceremony (tea-serving, bride-fetching, ABSURDLY long reception), and also a christian ceremony in a church. christianity is a really important part of his life, just as it’s important to my uncle’s family, and as it was important to my grandmother. I don’t think it’s my right or place to label them as simply victims of a colonialist past--they’re real people with real agency and choice and beliefs. I think it would be disrespectful to act otherwise.

that doesn’t negate the harm that christianity has done--but it does complicate things. is it inherently a bad thing that they’re christian, due to the political history of the religion and their heritage? that’s... not a question I’m really interested in debating. the fact remains that they are christian, that they are chinese, and that they chose their religion.

so! now here we are with mdzs, a chinese piece of media that is clearly Not christian, but is quickly gaining popularity in euroamerican spaces. people are making fanart! people are making A LOT of fanart! and art is, by nature, intertextual. a lot of the most interesting art (imo) makes deliberate use of that! for example (cyan art nerdery time let’s go), Nikolai Ge’s What is Truth?

I love this painting! it’s notable for its unusual depiction of christ: shabby, unkempt, slouched, in shadow. if you look for other paintings of this scene, christ is usually dignified, elegant, beautiful, melancholy -- there’s something very humanizing and humbling about this depiction, specifically because of the way it contrasts the standard. it’s powerful because we as the audience are expected to be familiar with the iconography of this scene, the story behind it, and its place in the christian canon.

you can make similar comments about Gentileschi’s Judith vs Caravaggio’s, or Manet’s Olympia vs Ingres’ Grande Odalisque -- all of these paintings exist in relation to one another and also to the larger canon (i’m simplifying: you can’t just compare one to another directly in isolation etc etc.) Gauguin’s Jacob Wrestling the Angel is also especially interesting because of how its portrayal of its content contrasts to its predecessors!

or! because i’m really In It now, one of my favorite paintings in the world, Joan of Arc by Bastien-Lepage:

I just!!! gosh, idk, what’s most interesting to me in this painting is the way it seems to hover between movements: the hyperrealistic, neoclassical-esque take on the figure, but the impressionistic brushstrokes of the background AAA gosh i love it so much. it’s really beautiful if you ever get a chance to see it in person at the Met. i’m putting this here both because i personally just really like it and also as an example of how intertextuality isn’t just about content, but also about visual elements.

anyways, sorry most of this is 19thc, that was what i studied the most lol.

(a final note: if you want to read about a really interesting painting that sits in the midst of just a Lot of different works, check out the wiki page on Géricault’s Raft of the Medusa, specifically under “Interpretation and Legacy”)

this is all a really long-winded way of getting to this point: if you want to make allusory fanart of mdzs with regards to western art canon, you kind of have to go out of your way to avoid christian imagery/iconography, especially when that’s the lens through which a lot of really intensely emotional art was created. many of my favorite paintings are christian: Vrubel’s Demon, Seated, Perov’s Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, Ge’s Conscience, Judas, Bastien-Lepage’s Joan of Arc, as shown above. that’s not to say there ISN’T plenty of non-christian art -- but christian art is very prominent and impossible to ignore.

so here are a few pieces of fanwork that I’ve seen that are very clearly making allusions to christian imagery:

1. this beautiful pietà nielan by tinynarwhals on twitter

2. a lovely jiang yanli as our lady of tears by @satuwilhelmiina

3. my second gif in this set here, which I will also show below:

i’m only going to talk about mine in depth because well, i know exactly what i was thinking when I put this gif together while I can’t speak for anyone else.

first: the two lines of the song that I wanted to use for lan xichen were “baby, I’m a fighter//in the robes of a saint” because i felt that they fit him very well. of course, just the word “saint” evokes catholicism, even if it’s become so entwined in the english language that it’s taken on a secular meaning as well.

second: when I saw this scene, my immediate thought was just “PIETÀ!!” because LOOK at that composition! lan xichen’s lap! nie mingjue lying perpendicular to it! the light blue/white/silver of lan xichen in contrast to the darker robes of both nie mingjue and meng yao! not just that, but the very cool triangular structure of the image is intensely striking, and Yes, i Do love that it simultaneously ALSO evokes deposition of christ vibes. (baxia as the cross.... god..... is that not the Tightest Shit) does this make meng yao joseph of arimathea? does it make him john the evangelist? both options are equally interesting, I think when viewed in relation to his roles in the story: as a spy in qishan and as nmj’s deputy. maybe he’s both.

anyways, did I do this intentionally? yes, though a lot of it is happy accident/discovered after the fact since I’m relying on CQL to have provided the image. i wanted to draw attention to all of that by superimposing that line over that image! (to be clear: I didn’t expect it to all come through because like. that’s ridiculous. the layers you’d have to go through to get from “pretty lxc gifset” --> “if we cast nie mingjue as a christ figure, what is the interesting commentary we could do on meng yao by casting him as either joseph of arimathea or john the evangelist” are like. ok ur gonna need to work a little harder than slapping a song lyric over an image to achieve an effect like that.)

the point of this is: yes, it’s intentionally christian, yes I did this, yes I am casting these very much non-christian characters into christian roles for this specific visual work -- is this okay?

I obviously thought it was because I made it. but would I feel the same about a work that was written doing something similar? probably not. I think that would make me quite uncomfortable in most situations. but there’s something about visual art that makes it slightly different that I have trouble articulating -- something about how the visual often seeks to illustrate parallels or ideas, whereas writing characters as a different religion can fundamentally change who those characters are, the world they inhabit, etc. in a more... invasive?? way. that’s still not quite right, but I genuinely am not sure how to explain what i mean! I hope the general idea comes across. ><

something else to think about is like, what are pieces I find acceptable and why?

what makes the pieces above that reference christian imagery different than this stunning nieyao piece by @cyandemise after klimt’s kiss? (warnings for like, dead bodies and vague body horror) like i ADORE this piece (PLEASE click for fullview it’s worth it for the quality). it’s incredibly beautiful and evocative and very obviously references a piece of european art. I have no problem with it. why? because it isn’t explicitly christian? it’s still deeply entrenched in western canon. klimt certainly made other pieces that were explicit christian references.

another piece I’d like to invite you all to consider is this incredible naruto fanart of sakura and ino beheading sasuke after caravaggio’s judith. (warnings for beheading, blood, etc. you know.) i also adore this piece! i think it’s very good both technically and conceptually. the reference that it makes has a real power when viewed in relation to the roles of the characters in their original story -- seeing the women that sasuke fucked over and treated so disrespectfully collaborating in his demise Says Something. this is also!! an explicitly christian reference made with non-christian japanese characters. is this okay? does it evoke the same discomfort as seeing mdzs characters being drawn with christian iconography? why or why not?

the point is, I don’t think there’s a neat answer, but I do think there are a lot of interesting issues surrounding cultural erasure/hegemony that are raised by this question. i don’t think there are easy resolutions to any of them either, but I think that it’s a good opportunity to reexamine our own discomfort and try and see where it comes from. all emotions are valid but not all are justified etc. so I try to ask, is it fair? do i apply my criticisms and standards equally? why or why not? does it do real harm, or do i just not like it? what makes one work okay and another not?

i’ve felt that there’s a real danger with the kind of like, deep moral scrutiny of recent years in quashing interesting work in the name of fear. this morality tends to be expressed in black and white, good and bad dichotomies that i really do think stymies meaningful conversation and progress. you’ll often see angry takes that boil down to things like, “POC good, queer people good, white people bad, christianity bad” etc. without a serious critical examination of the actual issues at hand. I feel that these are extraordinarily harmful simplifications that can lead to an increased insularity that isn’t necessarily good for anyone. there’s a fine line between asking people to stay in their lane and cultural gatekeeping sometimes, and I think that it’s something we should be mindful of when we’re engaging in conversations about cultural erasure, appropriation etc.

PERHAPS IT IS OBVIOUS that I have no idea where that line falls LMAO since after all that rambling I have given you basically nothing. but! I hope that you found it interesting at least, and that it gives you a bit more material to think on while you figure out where you stand ahaha.

was this just an excuse to show off cool (fan)art i like? maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(ko-fi)

[kiss-me-cill-me]

@red-riding-wood I cannot even express how much this review means to me, Red 😭

Honestly, I was so unsure of my writing on this one. I really struggled with getting it to where I wanted it to be, and I think this might be my most heavily-edited oneshot ever lol. And tbh, a large part of that was due to me changing my mind about a thousand times on whether I wanted it to be in present or past tense 😆 But also because I struggled to find the words to convey things exactly how I wanted them. Out of all the "genres" of fic, angst comes least naturally to me.

So to hear that you genuinely enjoyed this makes me so unbelievably happy! I feel like I'm just going to be a mess through this whole response; excuse me if I get emotional 😭😂

So the straps on her bed, interestingly, I originally included because I had a very different ending in mind for this fic. I was going to have the tables turn at some point, the reader shove Crane onto the bed, and then use the straps to restrain him so she could take his key and escape. But at some point in the writing process, it just started to feel more and more like she shouldn't win so easily. I still wanted there to be a moment of "hope" at the end, but for it to feel more like something she was wrestling obsessively for instead of an actual triumph. So I changed the ending but kept the straps, because I did think they added to the hopeless atmosphere and her backstory, like you mentioned.

Also, the bit about the black pit in her chest was actually kind of inspired by your writing; specifically the way you describe sadness in "Made For You" as an abyss that stretches from one rib to another. I thought to myself "How would Red describe this? Probably in a really beautiful way" 😂 And well, I dunno how beautiful black holes are, but that's what I came up with lol.

The tattoo exchange was one of my favorite parts as well, specifically because of the different ways in which both of them recall that event happening. The reader has very rose-colored glasses when it comes to a lot of aspects of their relationship, but I like to think that there was genuinely a connection between them at one point. Crane has outgrown it, but still cares about her because of everything they've been through. And he cared back then too, in his own overcontrolling way.

The tattoo itself was of course inspired directly by parts of the song/music video, but the idea of the reader and Crane's tattoos pressing up against each other when they held hands was inspired by something an ex-boyfriend of mine proposed doing, long ago. Which thank god I did NOT go through with 😂 But I incorporated it into this fic because it made me think of my own slightly obsessive first love haha.

There are so many little bits of myself in this fic; many of which you've quoted above. And it's kind of comforting to know that they are relatable. Every life has its good and bad moments, and many of them are both. Bittersweet, but important nonetheless.

And oh my gosh, that last line 😆 This was, without a doubt, the part that I struggled THE most to write. Again, I knew what I wanted to convey. I knew that I wanted a callback to the song, but in an ominous way. But everything I wrote just felt clunky and awkward, and I rephrased the last few paragraphs and this line legitimately probably a dozen times.

So again, thank you for making me feel like all the hard work was worth it! Now that I've broken the seal on angst, maybe the next time will feel a little easier haha 🤞

i’m not sure if anon has already requested a character for that song but if ur up for it CAN WE HAVE THAT SONG WITH JONATHAN CRANE. also i just listened to that song for the first time in like 3 years and got major deja vu lmao 😭

also ps i love u and ur writing !!!

This is related to another ask from an anon, requesting a fic based off of Katy Perry's song, The One That Got Away. I am so sorry to both of you that it's taken me forever to write this, but thank you for your patience and support <3

Now We Pay The Price

Pairing: Jonathan Crane x Reader

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: Life hasn't turned out exactly the way you wanted it to. Isolated and distraught as you watch time slip by while you sit, trapped in Arkham, your only wish is to recapture the way that things used to be.

Warnings: Angst, whump, sexual themes but no explicit smut, mental health themes, obsession, unhealthy relationship dynamics, mention of needles, mention of sedatives, unrequited love, established past romantic relationship, ambiguity

A/N: I hardly ever write angst, so please be gentle with me lol. But with the song inspo, I couldn't help but go in that direction. Slightly nervous to post this, but also happy that I've branched out from my comfort zone a bit!

***Please read the warnings before continuing. Minors DNI***

Lying on your stomach, feet in the air, you stretched the thin cotton sheets with your hand. Just enough to give them the tension you needed to glide a ballpoint pen over the fabric, scratching over and over the same mark to make it appear complete. This was far from the perfect medium for doodling - but sheets were what you had, and so they were what you used.

Even the pen was contraband. You knew you weren’t supposed to have it. What anyone thought you’d do with it… honestly, you had no idea. As if you could use a pen for anything other than what you were wrapped up in doing now - carefully and determinedly drawing hearts.

You stopped to rest your head for a moment on the pitifully thin pillow. Across the room, blank white concrete stared back at you. Day in, day out. Endless. The same room with the same walls.

Picking up the pen again, you placed the tip right in between the lobes of one of the many hearts. Scratch, scratch, scratch. A messy, zig-zagging line bisected the doodle. 

Broken.

You sighed, and started to color a different heart, filling it with blue ink that didn’t seem very inclined to stick to the bed sheets. It was slow going. The deep azure tint reminded you of deoxygenated blood, like you would see in a textbook diagram. Once the heart was completely filled, you moved dutifully on to the next.

A rustling at your door made you jump. Quickly, you stuffed the pen under your pillow, and turned up the sheets to hide your drawings. It wouldn’t be very good for you if anybody saw them.

You sat up, arranging your rumpled jumpsuit as neatly as you could. Leather straps hung off the sides of your bed, and you spared them a glance, bristling at the memories of having them lashed over your body. 

The metal door slid open slowly, until you could finally see…

Him. Your heart skipped a beat and a half as he stepped stiffly into the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He didn’t make a show of locking it, but it was still all too hard to miss the way his hand stopped short at the keyhole, before slipping into his pocket.

“Jonathan. I’m so glad-”

“Don’t call me that,” he bristled. “In here, we don’t know each other. Please. You always forget that.”

“...Dr. Crane,” you corrected yourself. 

His tone was so bitter that you could feel it in the very back of your throat, trying to claw its way down to your heart. You swallowed, trying to bite back the taste.

“I’m sorry. I was just happy to see you.” You smiled, pushing through your discomfort, for his sake.

Crane was clearly agitated. He took a few steps into the room, before turning around and facing the door. For one brief moment, you couldn’t see his face, until finally he turned back. His eyes were ice as they stared down at you.

“Do you have any idea how difficult you’ve been making things for me?” he spat. 

The accusation hurt, of course. Though you knew very well what he meant. You had been acting out, more than usual, as of late. And although it wasn’t without a purpose, you could see that it was wearing him thin. But… how else were you supposed to see each other? 

Arkham Asylum wasn’t exactly known for its model patients. It took a lot to get Dr. Crane’s attention.

“If we spent more time together, I wouldn’t be so difficult,” you replied, trying to keep your tone even.

Crane pinched the bridge of his nose, in that way that you were well acquainted with. He’d always had that habit. Back when you’d first met, you had loved making him get frustrated - just enough for a laugh. Some things never changed.

“You’re really backing me into a corner,” Crane sighed. “And I really wish you wouldn’t.”

“Let’s talk,” you offered, patting the bed. “That’s what you’re here for, right?”

Crane, reluctantly, sat down. You could sense his exhaustion in the way that he almost collapsed onto the bed, hands gripping the edge for support. You inched a bit closer, enough so that your knees touched briefly. Crane pulled away.

You wanted to reach out; put a hand on his shoulder, just like you’d done so many times before. He used to like it when you touched him. Sometimes, you liked to think that yours was the only gentle embrace that he had ever known. Maybe it was silly, but the thought of it always made you feel better.

Now, Crane’s eyes held nothing but menace as he glared over at you, as if you were a stain on the bed sheets. You wondered, vaguely, what had happened to change things.

So much. So much that had led you to this place, where you could be so close to him and yet felt more separated than ever.

“I hate to say it, Doc, but I think I’m going crazy in here,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood.

He barely had a reaction; a deep sigh the only hint that he’d heard what you said at all.

“And why do you think that is?” he asked, finally. 

The psychiatrist in him always came through to shove even more distance between you. Like a shield, put up just when you’d started to press through the fog of tension that hung heavy in the room. You swallowed your frustration at being kept out, and tried to answer him honestly.

“Because I barely get to see you,” you replied.

That was the wrong answer, and Crane’s shoulders swung abruptly to face you. 

He was scary like this. Almost scary, anyway. If you didn’t know him better, the look in his eyes would have sent you cowering. 

But you did know him, so well, and you remembered with sudden clarity that he’d always been bothered by feeling inadequate. You felt awful; you hadn’t meant to imply that he wasn’t doing enough.

“I’m sorry,” you soothed, before he could say anything. “I know that you’re busy, but-”

“But you continue to make yourself into a problem,” he hissed. “You know the only reason you’re in here instead of rotting away over at Blackgate is because of me, right?”

You nodded, too shocked by embarrassment to speak.

“Then for my sake, why don’t you act like it?”

“I’m…” You paused for a moment, sharp tears welling up in your eyes. “I’m just… lost without you,” you whispered. “You know that. I always told you I would be.”

The first tear fell, and you tried to hide your face.

“Don’t cry,” Crane sighed.

You could hear the harsh tinge of annoyance in his voice, and wished that it was anything else. Even his pity would have been better than knowing that your feelings were now nothing but inconvenience. You choked on your own throat, trying to stifle a sob.

“Please don’t cry,” he mumbled, slightly softer this time.

But now that you’d started, you couldn’t make yourself stop. If anything, the tears were only coming faster, and you felt yourself start to shrink into your own chest. The little black pit that always seemed to sit there, now swiftly opening up to swallow you.

With a deep and lingering exhale, Crane pulled you close. Suddenly, you were back where you both had been, so many years ago: one person’s cheek pressed into the other’s shoulder. Tears soaking into fabric that seemed to be stained with sadness. You let out a half-laugh, half-sob, and nestled into the crook of his neck.

“Remember when I used to do this for you?”

Crane stiffened slightly beside you.

“Things have changed since then,” he muttered. 

Your memory suddenly flashed back to the first time he had used the words “dysfunctional attachment” to describe you. That had hurt worse than anything else. Even more than all of the other occasions to come, when you’d heard those same words and worse fall from his lips. They could never truly compare to that first time, when your whole world had come crashing abruptly to the ground.

His arm dropped away from you, but you kept your face pressed into his shoulder.

“Things haven’t really changed,” you said. “I still belong to you.”

“You don’t.”

Two words that stung worse than hundreds of needles. You tried to pretend that the wind hadn’t been knocked out of you, as you replied.

“I do. And I will. Always.”

You looked up at him with wet eyes, a trace of the old life that you’d shared together still evident deep within your pupils. Even if only the memories of it lived inside of you, they still lived. They were still something.

“You need to move on,” Crane said flatly. “I know it’s not easy in here, with me…” He sighed. “I did what I could to protect you, but maybe it would have been better if I had just stayed out of your case. Blackgate would have at least given you distance.”

“I don’t want distance,” you whispered. “I just want to be with you.”

“You can’t be.”

Always so stubborn.

“I could be, if you’d help me get out.”

Confusion flashed across Crane’s face, quickly replaced with raw terror. 

“Escape Arkham?” His eyebrows furrowed, nearly knitting together. “You can’t be serious. Do you even realize what-?”

“I know, I know,” you hummed. “But just think - we could run away together, just like we always talked about.”

“Stop.”

“Don’t you remember? We promised-”

“Things. Change.” Crane’s voice almost shook as it thundered.

You brought a hand up to his face, gently coaxing until he looked at you.

“But they don’t have to,” you breathed. 

Your eyes drifted down to your wrist, to the space just below your thumb, and over the little tattoo that was etched into your skin. A heart - just like the ones littering your blanket, hidden carefully from Crane’s view.

“Remember when you gave me this?” you asked, holding up the tattoo in front of him.

“No; I remember you doing that to yourself.”

“At first, sure,” you chuckled. “But then, you helped me to finish it, ‘cause-”

“Because I didn’t want you to hurt yourself,” Crane muttered. “Just like you always seem to. Even now.”

You ignored his remark as your hands drifted down to collect one of his pale wrists, then lifted up to your face. The sleeve of his suit jacket slipped back, revealing the spot where once, long ago, you had given him the same mark. Just with a felt-tip pen; he would have never allowed you, even back then, to deface his own body in the same way you had yours. 

At the time, the impermanence of it hadn’t seemed to matter. You’d been too distracted; elated by the way that his and your matching blossoms of ink had pressed up against each other as you’d held hands. 

Now, you pressed a kiss to the blank space.

“Us against the world, Jonathan. Remember?”

Suddenly, his fingers pressed into your face, digging into the sides of your chin as he forced you back into focus.

“Don’t call me that,” he warned, once again. “How many times do I have to tell you? That life doesn’t exist in here.”

Your hands still dangled from his wrist as he continued to crush your jaw, not letting you look away. But this was the one part of him that you didn’t want to face. The part that didn’t need you anymore.

“Jonathan. You know the reason I’m in here, don’t you?”

“Are you asking if I know about your case? All of the crimes you committed?” he huffed. “Because yes - I was very involved in the trial, and it was nearly impossible to keep everyone else in the dark about…”

Us was the word that he couldn’t bring himself to say.

“That’s not what I mean,” you said. “I mean, do you know why I did those things?”

“Stop - please don’t tell me this again.”

“I did them for you,” you cried, your emotions getting the better of you again. “I do everything for you. So don’t you dare pretend you don’t need me, when really the only fucking reason you’re not stuck in here with me is because I always-”

“Stop.”

Crane’s hands tore away to grab you by the shoulders, wrenching you back to reality. Somehow he always managed to do that. To pull you straight out of the riptide, just as it was about to sweep you away.

“I never asked you to do what you did,” he hissed, articulating each word between clenched teeth.

“But I did it anyway,” you spat. “Because you always get into trouble. Because I told you I’d be there for you, no matter what. And because I always keep promises.”

“I don’t need you to anymore.” Crane’s hands squeezed you uncomfortably. “I don’t - I didn’t need you to ruin your life for me.”

“My life isn’t ruined if it’s for you.”

“Jesus Christ…”

Crane’s hand came up to rake through his hair, but before he could pull away fully, you caught him. Fingers clenched tight to the front of his suit, you pulled back and forced him to fall with you. Your back hit the bed, and Crane scrambled to catch himself before his full weight could slam into you. His body perched just above yours, caging you in his arms.

“This. You must remember this.” 

Your words were a whisper, barely loud enough to pass from your lips to his ear, despite how close he was. Your legs frantically came up to tug at his waist, trying to force him closer.

“This was the only time I felt alive,” you continued. “When we were like this. You remember.”

How could he not? You could still live in that moment, if you tried hard enough. As if it had been only yesterday. Both of you nervous and fumbling, nearly falling off of the bed as he hovered over you and you clung to him. 

The way that your bodies had melted together, almost desperately, in a way that had made you feel certain that neither one of you would let go. Letting go then had meant something worse than death; it meant a life that dragged on without you and him together. 

The stale echoes of passion still rang in your ears as you looked up, silently begging for him to rekindle the spark that had been there.

Crane’s expression was all but impossible to read. His face half-hidden beneath bangs that fell into his eyes. The two-second pause was like a lifetime as you awaited his answer.

“Of course I remember.”

Your heart soared, flying recklessly up.

“But that doesn’t mean it’s the same now.”

Broken. Smashed hard against the cold floor of your cell.

“I don’t believe that,” you breathed. “I can’t. I-”

“You need to,” he interrupted. “Because it’s the truth.”

You stayed stock still on the mattress as Crane briskly pushed himself up, disentangling himself from your limbs. He exhaled as he tugged at his jacket, trying to make himself presentable. 

You weren’t sure how he could find the nerve, after ripping your whole world apart.

“I’m upping the dose on your sedatives,” he informed you, still not meeting your gaze. “But I would prefer if you could find it within yourself to behave so that I don’t have to. I don’t like to do this, but-”

“Appearances…” Your voice drifted through the room. “Have to be kept up.”

He had told you as much, probably dozens of times. Just like he’d told you the old life between you no longer mattered, or even existed. If it ever had.

“I’m glad you understand,” he said shortly. 

His back was already turned, but you looked up to watch him drift out of the room, quickly pocketing the keys on his way out. 

Your head fell back, hard, but the sensation did nothing to ground you. You felt all too lost and adrift; trapped in a situation you had created. This wasn’t how things were supposed to end up.

Your hand drifted silently under the pillow, and wrapped around the barrel of the pen that was still hidden there. 

Suddenly, grotesque understanding of all the reasons why no one would want you to have such a thing flooded into your consciousness. The possibilities were many and bleak, but they all led back to the same conclusion. It was just like you had told Crane earlier.

If your life together didn’t exist in this place, then the only solution was to leave. 

You smiled. With resolve swirling dangerously inside your veins, you vowed to make sure that nothing like this ever happened again. You were going to be together, no matter what. 

There would be no getting away.